WP1 Revision Matrix

Text from my
initial WP
submission:

While there are a

myriad of benefits
to such a change,
it can prove
difficult to sift
through the
enormous amount
of information and
find valuable
pieces of work as
diamonds in the
rough. In the years
to come, this issue
will only increase
in magnitude as
the world becomes
ever more
interconnected,
which means that
we must adapt by
finding ways to
extract value from
the fray

A genre that
serves as a perfect
case study for this
concept comes in
the form of movie
reviews, which
illustrate the core
principles of
audience, purpose,
and context.

An observation
or question I
received from
De Piero or a
classmate:
You already
established this, I
think, in the 1st
sentence. Cut the
fluff.

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:

How this change

impacts my
paper:

While I feel as
though this was
some quality
information, I
found that it
wasnt quite
necessary to
display my point,
and ended up
cutting out an
entire section of
text,
The advent of

This condensed
my introductory
paragraph down
significantly,
allowing me to add
in more key
information to my
thesis without
extending the
paragraph to an
unreasonable
length. I like the
new look of my
intro!

internet connectivity
and all that comes
with it -- social
media, online forums,
etc -- has
fundamentally altered
the way that the
global community
communicates. While
there are a myriad of
benefits to such a
change, it can prove
difficult to sift
through the enormous
amount of
information and find
valuable pieces of
work as diamonds in
the rough.
OK, what
*specifically*
about the
audience, purpose,
context will you be
analyzing? What
conventions,
specifically, make
these pieces what
they are? How
does the audience
differ? The
purpose? The
context?
The more detailed
of a road map that
you can give me
upfront, the

This is an issue
that I still dont
fully understand in
my writing
process. I feel as
though this
statement clearly
gives a broad
overview of the
concepts I will
discuss in the
essay and guides
the reader with
some
foreshadowing,
but perhaps I need
more? I edited the
thesis statement
to read,

This seems to add

onto my thesis and
give a little more
detail about the
direction that my
paper will take
later on.