Dissolution

I was busy putting together pieces of myself.

The liver fell sideways
And the hands too
A thought climbed to the left
Another to the right
Carefully I put the hand back
And the thought back to its nest
Carefully I tried to think all my thoughts in order
But as I tried to put my liver back
My nails fell apart
And my fingers too
My nose started floating above my kidneys
There were herbs in there
A cup of tea was floating
Still warm, between my two lungs
Dizzy with confusion I kept my breath.
Where am I?
What is this coming my way?
Who are you? And you? And you?
All these shadows populating my days
Men and women
Children and birds
Just shadows of your selves
As myself a shadow of myself?
What I touch is solid
What I dont touch is void
I close my eyes and there is nothingness resting
Resting on a chair
On a cushion
Sleeping, waking up
At times like a vitamin in water
The inside of my head is dissolving
The dance of particles prohibits thinking
At times it feels like pure air
No more lungs no more chest no eyes no mouth no hands
At times I feel white and transparent and good
Such warmth comes out of this nothingness
And at times I cry with misery
As I fail to put myself back together again
What is this my lord?
I am forgetting your name, their name and my name
I am forgetting I and my body are one

Why do I fear when I have You