OPEN MIC NIGHT

Written by
Ganeesh E. Genus

11405 Ovid Pl
Saint Albans, NY 11412
(917)^00-8171

INT. CAFE - NIGHT

The cafe is dimly lit and buzzing with 20-somethings having a
good time. The HOST, dark skinned, regular build, gets up on
the stage and in front of the mic.
HOST
Hello, everyone and welcome to the
Espresso Bean open mic night. We
got a ton of performances for you
from comedians to spoken word(a beat)
And whatever the hell theyre about
to do.
We see two men, early 20s, warming up their vocals and
twirling ribbons.
HOST (CONTD)
Were gonna kick the show off in 5
minutes with a stand up act from my
brotha, the very funny Darnell
Wright.
There is a small applause from the audience and the laughter
and chatter continues among them.
Espresso machines and baristas are churning out drinks for
patrons.
The Host exits the stage and there, Darnell waits, going over
his act.
HOST (CONTD)
Whats good?
DARNELL
(smiling)
Hey man, just going over my act.
Thanks for the shoutout, too.
HOST
No problem, you know we black men
have to stick together in these
trying times.
He puts his head down and raises the black power fist for a
moment. Darnell looks confused.
DARNELL
Yeah, yeah, I feel you.

2.

HOST
So let me hear some of your act
real quick.
DARNELL
Ah, you know, its not quite ready.
HOST
You got like three minutes. Work
out the kinks now before you get in
front of this crowd.
The two look out at the rest of the people in the cafe. There
arent a lot, but they all just look happy to be there.
HOST (CONTD)
They might eat you alive.
DARNELL
(timidly)
All right, well I was gonna open
with this one.
Darnell takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and getting
into character.
DARNELL (CONTD)
You know you can always tell when
the homies get they food stamps,
cause Walmart beHOST
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Timeout!
DARNELL
What?
HOST
You were just about to say
something about black people and
food stamps?
DARNELL
Yeah. Its a joke.
HOST
Government assistance isnt a joke.
Darnell rolls his eyes.
HOST (CONTD)
And did you know that almost thirtyeight percent of all food stamps
allotted went to White people?

3.

DARNELL
(stammering)
Nah, I didntHOST
While African Americans came up to
a total of 23.6%.
The two stand there awkwardly.
DARNELL
Can I at least finish the joke
before you shoot me down?
HOST
You know, what, go ahead. That was
my bad. Continue.
DARNELL
All right, as I was saying. You
know when the homies get food
stamps, cause Walmart cereal aisle
be all out of Honey Smacks.
The Host is unamused.
DARNELL (CONTD)
You aint like it?
HOST
That was so unfunny. What the hell
are Honey Smacks? Scrap that one
man.
Darnell looks defeated.
HOST (CONTD)
You got another minute or two,
lets just run through the rest of
your act real quick.
DARNELL
I dont know you just shot downHOST
Would you rather me do it or them?
The Host points to the crowd of happy, unaware espresso
drinkers.
DARNELL
You right.
(a beat)
Okay, heres another one.

4.

The Host rolls his eyes.

DARNELL (CONTD)
Why females be takin so long in
the bathroomHOST
Stop right there.
DARNELL
What the hell?
HOST
I feel like youre about to go down
the road of being sexist, and I
cant have that.
DARNELL
ButHOST
Show some respect. My mom is a
female.
DARNELL
Mine too!
HOST
Next!
DARNELL
Okay I got another one.
(a beat)
Dont you hate when youre in classHOST
So your just gonna bash education
now? Like the media dont get
enough of us being uneducated
thugs!
DARNELL
Thats not evenHOST
Fix the joke!
DARNELL
Ill just tell another one! Jesus
ChristHOST
Oh so religion is next?! You got
some damn nerve.

5.

DARNELL
I wasnt even.
HOST
Your time is up. Im gonna go warm
them up for you. Maybe thatll give
you a little time to work on your
act.
The Host leaves and Darnell paces back and forth again.
On stage, the Host grabs the mic.
HOST (CONTD)
Yall ready for the show?!
The crowd lets out a hardy round of applause.
HOST (CONTD)
Thats whats up. So we got my man,
Darnell about kill the stage, but
what kind of host would I be if I
didnt come up here and do a little
something for yall, right?
The crowd seems excited.
The Host takes a second to get into character.
HOST (CONTD)
You know, you can always tell when
the homies get they food stamps,
cause Walmart...
FADE OUT.