The Little

Sister
The freshman sits in
psychology class, hidden in the
back row as always, relieved
that no one knows who she is.
She thinks about her big sister,
also a psych major, who aced
the last exam of her life in this
building hours before she was
abducted.
On the screen, the professor
shows a photo of a man convicted
of a different murder. By
analyzing someones face, he says,
one can predict if that person will
kill.
Haley Wilson looks at the face
on the screen. She thinks about
the man accused of bludgeoning
her sister to death in April. She
doesnt like to say his name, but
she has seen his booking photo.
She becomes too nervous to pay
attention and mentally checks out
of the lecture.
Some people tell Haley its
been four months since the
murder and she should move
on. Others say its too soon and
she should be too grief-stricken
to start college. Haley floats in
the middle. Some days she tries
to make sense of something
senseless. Other days, she does
her best not to think about the
murder at all.
***
Most freshmen at the start of
their first semester wonder how
theyre going to make it on their
own. At IU, freshmen are given
pointers on how to wash bright
colored clothes in cold and make
it to class on time. But theres no
handbook for what Haley Wilson
is going through.
Last spring, during Little 500

Folio

Folio

Folio

weekend, her sisters murder

consumed the campus. Hannah,
a 22-year-old senior, went missing
in the early hours of April 24 after
her friends had put her in a cab
home from a bar.
The next morning, her body
was discovered in a grassy
clearing in Brown County.
Police arrested Daniel Messel, a
49-year-old Bloomington man,
after they reported finding his
cell phone next to the body and
Hannahs blood and hair inside
his car. Charged with first-degree
murder, Messel is in jail and
is scheduled to go to trial this
summer.
An introvert all her life, Haley
is starting college in the shadow of
a high-profile case.
She said she wants her fellow
students to remember Hannahs
murder, but she doesnt want
them to walk across campus in
fear. She shies from the extra
attention that comes with being
Hannahs sister.
But when students make
dead girl jokes in front of her, not
knowing who she is, she fights the
urge to call them out.
Haley wears Hannahs old
clothes, walks by the house on
Eighth Street where Hannah
lived during her senior year and
sleeps under a blanket made from
Hannahs old T-shirts.
She
understands
shell
eventually have to come to terms
with Hannahs death, but she
isnt ready. Haley still talks about
Hannah in the present tense.
Were all so focused on
who she is, Haley said. We
never focus on what actually
happened.
But every day when Haley

Folio

rides the A bus to class, the

distractions disappear. She stares out
the window and sees Foster Quad,
where Hannah lived as a freshman.
She sees the limestone buildings
where she sat in class and dreamed
about her future. Everything her
sister once experienced rushes past.
To me, shes just on vacation.

To me,
shes just
on
vacation.
***
Before the murder, the sisters
talked every day. Normally they
FaceTimed late at night. But in those
last few days, Haley was a counselor
at Camp Tecumseh and didnt have
good cell reception, so they texted.
Hannah was busy that week in
April, too. She was about to take the
final exam that would complete her
psychology degree.
Hannah also worried about how
to give equal attention to her divorced
parents, Robin and Jeff Wilson, at
graduation. Haley, then a senior at
Fishers High School, was helping
Hannah figure out which parent
should organize the post-ceremony
dinner and which parent would settle

for lunch the following day.

That Thursday night, Haley
sent her sister a picture from camp.
Hannah didnt respond. She was
probably out celebrating with her
friends, Haley figured, because it
was the start of Little 500 weekend
and the end of her college career.
The next day, Haley texted
Hannah again around noon. When
Hannah didnt answer, Haley told
herself her sister was probably
sleeping late.
Haley got home from camp that
afternoon and took a nap. She woke
to a buzzing of missed calls and texts.
Hannahs friends wanted to know
if Haley had heard from her sister.
They had filed a missing persons
report, which confused Haley.
Missing made no sense next to
Hannahs name.
Then her father called.
They cant find your sister.
Jeff, a physician in an urgent care
clinic in Indianapolis, had left work
to drive to Bloomington.
Haley called her mother,
a veterinarian in Noblesville,
Indiana. Robin was on her way to
Bloomington, too. Robin said she
felt she was driving to Bloomington
to find out her daughter was dead.
Haley was sure Hannah was fine,
but she resolved to join her parents.
Hannah would be devastated if her
little sister wasnt looking for her.
Haley drove down with her best
friend Alexis Klein. In her mind,
Haley saw herself finding Hannah
and hugging her in the street.
Alexis was checking the social

media updates on her phone. More

and more missing posts appeared,
and Haley grew anxious.
By the time she hit the traffic in
Martinsville, Indiana, she was getting
calls from her mother, telling her to
turn around and go home. Haley kept
driving. What she didnt know was
that the police didnt want her on the
road. They preferred that Haley wait
in Fishers for a police escort.
When she arrived at the police
station, her father was waiting for
her outside. In all her life, Haley had
never seen him cry. Now, he was
sobbing.
Its not good, he said.
***
Haley had always been the quiet
one.
She didnt say her first words until
she was 3, her father remembers, not
because she didnt have anything to
say, but because she didnt need to
talk. Hannah spoke for her.
Hannah was exuberant, loud
and theatrical. Haley was reserved,
cautious, shy. Hannah often directed
the two of them in home movies, and
she usually casted her little sister in
the supporting role and herself as the
star.
Hannah would invent songs on
the piano and get Haley to sing along.
Once, Haley asked if she could make
up her own song.
Can I have a turn?
Ummmmm, Hannah said.
No.
In a video of that moment, you

can hear their dad laughing.

After Hannahs body was found,
Haley talked to TV news crews
about her sister.
Posing for the iconic graduation
photograph in her sisters place,
Haley held Hannahs diploma and
threw her graduation cap skyward in
front of the Sample Gates.
There was never any question
that Haley would start classes in
August. People asked if she was
scared to go to IU.
She told them she knew
shed feel closer to Hannah in
Bloomington. They asked Robin
how she could send her daughter to
the same campus where her other
daughter had disappeared. But Robin
didnt want Hannahs alleged killer
keeping another Wilson girl from
living her life.
He doesnt get to win again,
she said.
In June, Haley went to
orientation. During a question-andanswer session, another incoming
freshman asked if IU was safe.
Because of the murdered girl.
Haley spoke up: Thats my
sister.
The room fell into an awkward
silence.
And I dont feel unsafe here,
Haley continued. You shouldnt
either.
All around her, she saw signs.
She would be thinking about Hannah
and a song Hannah loved would play
on the radio.
When she would talk about
Hannah with her roommate, pictures

and paintings fell off the walls of her

dorm room.
On campus, Haley repeatedly
heard students making jokes about
the dead girl. They warned each
other, Dont let someone get you.
The callousness upset Haley.
Still, she said she believed the jokes
were a defense mechanism, and she
felt bad others were frightened when
she was not.
The jokes made her wonder how
she wanted to be treated. Did she
want people to tiptoe?
She found solace in the messages
Hannah left behind in her paintings.
She often thought of the one Hannah
had made for their grandfather, as he
was helping their grandmother cope
with Alzheimers. Hannah painted a
Bob Marley quote:
You
never
know
how
strong you are until being
strong is the only choice you
have . . .
* * *
Two summers ago, Robin
Wilson had a dream that Hannah
was going to die before graduating.
She pictured herself delivering the
eulogy, as Hannahs friends looked
up at her from the front row.
Robin woke up and ran to her
daughters room to make sure she
was OK. When her mom shared the
dream, Hannah laughed.
I dont want a stuffy funeral
home, Hannah said. I want gerber
daisies on my casket. And I want you
to throw a party.

On the Sunday after the murder,

the Wilson family and Hannahs
Gamma Phi Beta sisters organized a
concert at Dunnkirk nightclub. They
ordered Peach Ciroc bottle service
and danced.
At the funeral, her casket was
draped in colorful gerber daisies.
During Haleys first semester at
IU, Robin remembered how close
the girls were despite their age
difference.
When Hannah came home from
college, she would call out, Hi,
Mom, and sprint upstairs to Haleys
room. For hours, Robin could hear
them laughing.
They had their own sister
language that I didnt know, Robin
said in November.
Robin is proud of Haley for
attending IU, but she sees Haleys
determined stoicism as a way to
avoid facing the horror of what
happened.
Robin worries that the raw pain
will catch up with her younger
daughter. When Robin grieves in
front of Haley, her daughter tells her
Hannah wouldnt want them to be
sad. Robin doesnt agree.
Of course Hannah wants us to
be happy, the mother said. But
Hannah wants to know that we miss
her terribly.
When Robin feels like crying,
she cries. She often visits the grassy
clearing in Brown County where
Hannahs body was found. Thats
the place where she feels the most
connected to Hannahs spirit.
One day, Robin asked Haley

to join her in a visit to the clearing.

Haley agreed on the condition that
her mother would not talk about
how Hannah died. She didnt want to
know the gruesome details.
They
drove
east
from
Bloomington to Plum Creek Road,
a 20-some minute drive that made
Haley sick as she thought about her
sisters last moments.
Her mother turned off the
road and stopped at a small patch
of wildflowers. Neighbors of the
site had placed a white cross and a
Tibetan prayer flag.
Haley took it all in. Then she was
ready to leave.
If I could choose, I would never
go back there again, Haley said. I
didnt find it peaceful.
* * *
That fall, a coach offered Haley a
spot on the IU All Girls Cheerleading
team.
She hesitated, even though she
had cheered competitively since
elementary school.
Robin reminded Haley that
cheering could help shape her own
identity. Haley needed a sports
physical first. She went to IU Health
and filled out the forms, which asked
about family deaths.
Older sister, Haley wrote, age 22,
murder.
She gave the forms to the woman
at the front desk, who looked them
over and asked how her sister had
died.
Haley looked at her blankly.

Hadnt she read the forms?

She was murdered, Haley said.
Stupid me, the woman said.
Yes, stupid you.
Well, its been four months, the
woman said, attempting to gloss over
her mistake. Arent you over it by
now?
Haley liked to cheer because
it got her out of her room and kept
her busy. At practice, people dont
associate her with Hannah.
During the Ohio State football
game in October, Haley was
distracted. Two student deaths at
IU had rattled campus and broken
her stoicism. Yaolin Wang had been
murdered earlier in the week.
The night before the game, the
body of missing student Joseph
Smedley had been recovered in
Griffy Lake. His death was later ruled
a suicide. The news upset Haley so
much that she cried for hours.
The next day, as she cheered on
the field, she could not stop thinking
about the families of the two dead
students. She had come so far in
six months, and they were back to
square one.
A few nights later, Haley was
riding the bus when she passed a
vigil in Dunn Meadow for Wang and
Smedley.
Haley had not planned on
attending since she was studying for
midterms. But she remembered all
those who once supported her. She
got off the bus.
Standing in the field among
students holding candles, she felt a
crippling guilt. Hannahs vigil had

Haley and friends celebrate Hannahs life at her sorority this fall.

A small cross is displayed for Hannah.

Pictures of Hannah fil Haleys dorm room.

Folio

Folio

Folio

Haley cheers at Memorial Stadium this fall.

Folio

Haley and Hannahs father, Jeff, watches old family videos of the two girls.
overflowed Alumni Hall.
This crowd was noticeably
smaller. Like many others, she
wondered if it was because Wang
was a Chinese student and Smedley
was black.
Haley didnt want to think that
people had connected with Hannah
because she was a white girl from
Fishers.
These thoughts haunted her. But
the vigil has also opened her up. For
so long, she had avoided thinking
about death.
Haley sent Smedleys sister a
message on Facebook.
She told the sister that many
people had probably reached out and
offered their support, but as someone
who actually knew what she was
going through, Haley was there for
her.
After six months, Haley was OK,
and she would be OK, too.
***
Like his younger daughter, Jeff
Wilson prefers to focus on happier
memories of Hannah. He and Haley
like to watch the videos Hannah
made and directed when the girls
were young. They laugh over how
Hannah would become furious when
Haley forgot her lines.
He wonders if its good for Haley
to mirror his approach, since shes a
more emotional person than he is.
I dont really cry, Jeff said.
Haley doesnt like to, but when she
does, she really lets go and it comes out
uncontrollably.
The morning after IUs
Homecoming, he was playing drums
Folio

in a musical duo named for Hannah

on the back patio of the Gamma Phi
house.
Haley was there too, but she was
nervous. It had been a while since
Haley last cried, and she knew many
of her sisters close friends would be
stopping by. She was worried they
would get emotional, and then she
would, too. She was determined not
to lose control.
A few hours went by and her
sisters friends showed up, and
through it all, Haley kept her smile.
Then the guitarist strummed the
opening to See You Again by Wiz
Khalifa.
In Hannahs final days alive, she
had listened to it over and over. She
knew all the words. Hannah was
always touched by music with lyrics
about losing someone, Jeff said. Now
everyone on the patio sang along.
Its been a long day without you,
my friend
And Ill tell you all about it when
I see you again.
The other young women, most
of them crying, formed a line and
wrapped their arms around one
anothers shoulders.
Jeff left his post at the drums and
joined them. Haley held back, sitting
by herself and mumbling the lyrics.
She had made it to this day, all the
way to October, six months after the
murder.
Weve come a long way from
where we began
Oh, Ill tell you all about it when
I see you again.
Haley felt compelled to stand.
She left the table and joined arms
with the group. She bit her lip and

looked at the ground, and began to

sing.
Leaning against her friends and
Hannahs, she finally broke down.
I wasnt even crying because of
Hannah, Haley said later. I forgot
how terrible it is not having anyone
older to look up to.
***
The rest of the semester went by
quickly. Haley went to class and kept
up her GPA.
She started cheering at basketball
games. She and her roommate
binge-watched Greys Anatomy and
Americas Next Top Model.
In
the
weeks
before
Thanksgiving, Haley worried about
the holidays. She and Hannah had
always gotten through them together,
going from Dads house to Moms,
fielding questions about what they
wanted to do with their lives.
Now Haley was on her own.
Before dinner at her moms
house, they all held hands. Tears
flowed. Someone said, And cheers
to Hannah, too.
A second later, a camera flew off
the kitchen table and hit a wall. The
paint is still chipped.
OK, Haley told herself, There
she is.
***

changed. She didnt know how much

had come from grieving and how
much was just growing up.
In her first months at IU, she
had felt herself becoming more
compassionate, more open. She
had found a voice. She had stopped
hiding.
She hadnt sought counseling yet,
but knew that day lay ahead. She still
talked about Hannah in the present
tense, but was allowing herself to
contemplate a future without her
sister.
Graduation, she said one day in
her dorm room. Thats whats going
to be hard.
Thats when Haley will have
no choice but to confront whats
happened, when shes walking across
the stage to pick up her diploma.
She will wear Hannahs red
graduation sash and flip the tassel
over Hannahs graduation cap.
They sit on Hannahs desk at home,
waiting.
After she graduates, Haley
will start her career. Maybe
shell
work
with
autistic
children.
To do that work, shell probably
have to go to grad school. Then
shell find the right guy, and Hannah
wont be at the wedding.
When Haley has children,
she will tell them about the older
sister who taught her everything.
Shell show them the pictures now
hanging in her dorm room, pictures
of two sisters on the cusp of
adulthood. But by then, Haley will
look different. Their aunt wont.
In 20 years, Im not going to
look how I look right now, Haley
said. And she thats the only
face Ill remember. One day all the
pictures will be...old.
During winter break, Haley
turned 19.
I dont like that, she said. I
wish I could just stay this age and
stay in this memory. One day Ill be
22, and shell still be 22.
Hannah will be that age forever,
always the senior on the verge of
starting her life. Haley said she hates
that.
She hates thinking about all the
things shell do that Hannah will
never experience. She hates that
shell go through them without
Hannah. Shell have to teach herself
what to do, who to be, how to say
goodbye.
No matter what, Haley said she
believes Hannah will find a way to
be at her side. She will always be
the little sister.

Most freshmen, at the end of their

first semester, look back and wonder
how they could have changed so
much so quickly.
When Haley finished her finals
in December, she knew she had
Folio

Folio

Folio