Bible notes.

Genesis- Earth's origin story

Cain/Abel- the first brother rivalry

Cain is banished and sent away and has many children.

Lamech took two wives for some reason.

Noah is just a guy who God trusts with the repopulation of Earth after God's going to flood it and
start over again.

God talks to Abram about leaving home and starting up a covenant to worship him. He gets
super rich in Egypt and comes home and beats a bunch of armies in Sodom, where his cousin
Lot lives. God sees this as a great deed and says that his descendants will be numerous. God
makes three guys to destroy the major cities, because they're corrupt. They hide in Lot's house
and the town surrounds them to try and kill the messengers. They tell Lot to take his family out of
town before they kill everybody, but as they're leaving Lot's wife looks back and turns into salt.
Sarah has another one of Abraham's son's. Who was being teased by another kid whose mom
was the maid she tried to force into having a child with Abraham (now 100). She tried to kill the
kid which backfired when God rose the kid as a hunter. They then made The Philistines and the
city of Beersheba. God tried to tempt Abraham by making him almost kill his son, Isaac. Then
Isaac had kids Jacob and Esau, they fought until one almost died and other had him sell his
birthright in exchange for food. Jacob took a trip to the east to his uncle Laban's house where he
has a brief hallucination, then decides to work for his uncle in exchange for his daughter,
Rachel's hand in marriage. Laban tricks him into marrying his other daughter, Leah before
marrying his first daughter! It's like days of our lives! Both of the women compete for Jacobs
aection (even though they don't need him) and, combining the kids he had with the maids, in
the end fathered 11 kids! Until his son Jacob died and his son Joseph buried him in Canaan,
urging his family to return to their homeland.

Exodus:

When Egypt's new king realizes that there are many more Jewish people than them, they make
them their slaves. The midwifes convince the pharaoh to send all the boys down the river, and
keep the girls. Once the house of Levi had a son, they hid him only to be found by the Pharaoh's
sister, who claimed him as her son, and called him Moses. When he grew up, God visits him and
tells him to go to the pharaoh and release the slaves of Israel. Moses ropes his brother into it too,
and together they head to Egypt, Aaron scares the Leadership with magic which just makes them
give the slaves more work! God responds by giving Egypt "Ten Plagues" of dierent torture.
Locusts, disease, all that jazz, hardening the Pharaoh's heart. The final one kills all of their
firstborn sons, a major deal at the time. Eventually the pharaoh releases a bunch of slaves, and
Moses and Aaron run away quickly to the land of the Philistines and all over until God eventually
takes care of the Egyptians while they're at sea. Making everyone fear and believe in God and
Moses.

Judges:

Young Samson falls in love with a philistine the enemy of the Isrealites, Delilah. He does
everything for her until one day she betrays him for her people, leaving him to die by cutting his
hair (the source of his power) and leaving him with a bunch of Philistines their mortal enemy, they
poke his eyes out and take him to their jail. He stays there until they bring him out to laugh at
him, and he kills them with the help of God letting him lift the pillars holding up the building and
bring the house down, killing everyone there.

Samuel:

The story of a huge philistine called Goliath who challenged anyone in Israel to a fight so
everybody went after him, but he couldn't be defeated, until a young man called David
challenged him and used his belief in God to kill Goliath with out "sword and spear", but with a
rock and a piece of cloth to smash his head in.

Kings:

Solomon is the perfect example of a good man. He lives his life honestly, and one night God
comes to him in a dream and asks him what he wants in life. Which he responds to with the
wisdom to know what's right in life. God's surprised that he actually created a smart person, and
also grants him the usual long life and prosperity. He uses this wisely and makes many temples
to God and becomesced a great King. One day two women come to him asking if he will settle a
dispute abouet ywho's baby is the alive one or not. (Weirdos) Which he settled with by saying he
was going to cut the alive baby in half with a sword. Whichever one actually cares is the ones
mother.

Job 1 and 2: In the land of Uz (not Oz) Job lives a comfy life where he is nice and he has a bunch
of kids that love him. God is proud. When one day, Satan approaches God and says that if it
weren't for God giving him such an easy life, Job wouldn't be so pure. So he says that Satan can
test Job's loyalty by taking away everything he loves, his crops and livestock die, so do all his
children, but Job still trusts in God. He shaves his head in mourning. God Lets Satan try again
and this happens again and Job is incredibly sadden but still trusts God. His buddies come to
console him for seven days in silence.

Jonah: One day God randomly chooses this kid Jonah to go speak against the city of Nineveh
because it's corrupt. Understandably the kid runs in terror from the creepy voice telling him to do
stu and gets a ride on a fishing boat to Tarnish. God tries to stop him by making a storm on the
ocean. The crew decides to sacrifice Jonah to appease God and throw him in the ocean, where
God has a whale waiting to keep him safe in its stomach. He prays to God to release him, which
he does.

Matthew: When the Virgin Mary gives birth to son of the Holy Ghost, her husband Joseph isn't
really on board until an angel comes down and explains it all to him. Once he's born, everybody
wants to see the "King of the Jews". They give him many presents then slip out the back. Satin
also finds the boy Jesus, who spent his time in the woods away from corruption. And tries to
tempt him with many nice things if he merely follows his path, but Jesus sticks with God all the
way. Eventually Satin just puts him on a mountain to let him talk it all out to a great body of
people. And boy does Jesus talk it out! He lists o all the things that one most do to live a pure
life. And it's a lot of stu! Eventually everyone realizes that he isn't messing around, and Jesus
picks 12 guys to go around and teach his learnings. Once one of them dies Jesus goes into the
desert, and saves a bunch of people with his vague set of powers. Everyone knows him as "the
King of the Jews" now. Eventually, a bunch of people come together with the plan that they need
to get rid of Jesus. Eventually they catch him and put him in court and the court decides to
crucify him. Just after which, God comes down from the heavens and says that Jesus is in a
better place now, and that all his brethren should go to Galilee and meet him there. So the 11
disciples go to the mountain of Galilee and worship him there. The moral of the story is go
around and make people do the word of the magic man.