Kassidy Clark

Mrs. Thomas
UWRT 1102-007
06 April 2016
Reflection
April 5th: For some reason I had a really hard time getting started on my
thesis paper. I was just drawing a blank on how to best begin my paper and
organize the information. Even though I didnt have a full eight-page thesis
today, I feel that I got the main ideas of my paper down and now have
something that I can build off of. I hope to receive feedback on this in my
small group conference. I know that I still need to incorporate the in-text
citations. Im waiting to finish revising my paper before I incorporate them
because Im not sure if I will change the information I include or the order
that it is presented in.
Divorce and Children: A Blessing or a Curse?
When you think about divorce, what comes to mind? Responses could
vary from the anxiety and depression that stems from the adjustment to a
new lifestyle to the financial burdens that accompany the costs of lawyers
and child support. Merriam-Webster formally defines divorce as the ending
of a marriage by a legal process. Regardless of what definition you
associate with the term, one topic that will almost certainly come to mind is
the effect that the dissolution of marriage has on children. Often you will
hear families stressing to potentially separating parents to stay together for
the kids, but is this necessarily the best thing for the family? Through

careful analysis of the work of many trusted scholars as well as several

personal testimonies, several factors of divorce will be explored. These
factors include the history of divorce as well as the ways in which divorce
impacts the children involved, both positively and negatively, not just during
the divorce but throughout their entire life.
Divorce has a rich and turbulent history. Divorce laws in America have
progressed alongside ideas regarding gender roles, economics, and
morality*. Not always being as commonly accepted as today, divorce in
America has undergone many changes. From as recently as the 19 century,
th

Americans were wary about getting a divorce and rightfully so. Despite many
attempts at making divorce a fair institution, divorce in America was severely
frowned upon and, in some cases, forbidden by law. Clearly, this is not the
case today. The rate of divorce in America today is a staggering 50%,
meaning that every marriage has the same chances of lasting as we do
flipping heads or tails on a coin. This rate only increases as the number of
marriages increase, with second marriages having a 60-67% chance of
ending in divorce and third marriages having a 70-73% chance*. The United
States Census estimates that out of the 40,000 families with children in the
United States as of 2015, 25,000 are married couples*. The saddening
statistic is that 40% of these nuclear families will experience divorce. Sandra
Mayberry, a family law attorney from San Diego, California, insists that it is
crucial to be well informed regarding what factors increase the chances of
divorce. Mayberry describes divorce in America today as an epidemic that

has stemmed from a recent shift in marital values. Long gone are the days of
the ideal nuclear family. Today, more and more married couples are
beginning to yearn for a life of independence and exploration that they feel
cannot be achieved alongside a spouse. Whether it be because of this newage mentality, feminist ideals, or something as simple as incompatibility, the
number of divorces is clearly on the rise*. But what are the implications of
this surging divorce rate for the children involved?
When parents make the decision to divorce, the wellbeing of the
children in the family is normally the first thing that is considered. Many
believe that children of divorce are required to experience depression, lack of
success, or negative future relationships. In some instances, these ideas hold
true. In the majority of cases, however, once children overcome the initial
shock of the separation, many adapt to their new lifestyle. Going beyond
merely adapting, many children actually experience positive benefits from
their parents divorce. Living in a tense, unhappy household is unhealthy for
anyone, especially children. When children begin to view their parents as
happier individuals, they in turn become happier as well. Witnessing a
divorce also models for children that everyone deserves a chance to be
happy and that the relationships that one is involved in have a significant
impact on ones quality of life. Dr. Shoshana Bennett explores these and
several other potential positive effects of divorce in her article Divorce and
Kids: 5 Ways Divorce Benefits Kids which was published in The Huffington
Post. Dr. Bennett clearly holds a view that divorce is primarily the parents

decision by imploring your newfound single life after divorce is what you
make it---and your childrens attitude and well-being will follow suit.* In
many ways, I agree with Dr. Bennetts claim that the adults involved are
ultimately in control of what experiences stem from their divorce and what
life after divorce will be like. The environment that a child is brought up in
will undoubtedly affect his or her attitude. I do feel, however, that feeling as
though a child should simply follow suit to his or her wishes post-divorce is
a selfish mentality to have.
Whereas Dr. Bennett provides ample evidence that children will adjust
to their new life regardless of their parents actions, Dr. Constance Ahrons
research on the impact of divorce on adult life convinces me that this mutual
acceptance is not always the case. In Dr. Ahrons view When parents
remarry, they often believe that their happiness in their new union will be
shared by the children they each bring with them, followed by the ideal that
their separate units will blend together easily as family. When children do not
meet these expectations, it can create disappointment and distress for all
family members.*
What I want to do next:

Discuss more positive effects, maybe place another paragraph after

the one about history

Negative effects

How those in the childs life (parents and teachers) can help the child
adjust

Overall, what is the outlook like for these children?