The Fraternity Files

Stephanie
Joeline Kerfoot
A brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will always be a
Brother.
-Benjamin Franklin
What strange creatures brothers are.
-Jane Austen

Text copyright 2009 by Stephanie Joeline Kerfoot

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. copyright Act of 1976 no
part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form
or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior
written permission of the publisher.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to
real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Kerfoot, Stephanie Joeline. -- 1st ed.
Summary: When young Kevin Kramer arrives at Saber Bend University as an
aspiring running back, he finds instant success and acceptance. Not only does he
score a starting position on the university football team (a rare feat for a
freshman), but he also makes an impression on the fraternity president who
ultimately chooses him to be his youngest brother. All Kevins dreams seem to be
coming true, and at first life couldnt be better, but there is a dark side to fraternity
life. Success or not, he is still just a freshman and he has a lot to learn about life,
friendship, and fraternity.
ISBN 978-0-578-01966-6 (Paperback)
All images provided and copyright 2000-2009 by www.dreamstime.com

For my dearest friends, Mike and Michael, without whose

unconditional enthusiasm and support this story would never have
been completed. Thank you for your loving guidance, friendship,
and constant belief in me. You truly have been my own big
brothers.
Also, in memory of Lucel and Chris. Life is a tenuous thing, but
friendship is stronger. Your spirits live on in the stories you crafted,
the people you influenced, and the hearts you inspired. You are both
sorely missed. RIP

The Selection (Prologue)

Of all human powers operating on the affairs of mankind,
none is greater than that of competition.
-Henry Clay
The blistering August sun burned down as the Saber Bend
University Bulldogs took the field for the first practice of the season,
and a ripple of excitement passed through the rookies as the older
players surveyed them condescendingly. To the returning students,
many of whom had arrived earlier that day, this practice was a joke.
They were not wearing pads and most of them would see very little
playing time. Today was mostly a chance for the rookies to strut
their stuff, and it was not just the coaches they were intent on
pleasing either. Steve Jankowski and Ryan Sanderson stood quietly
on the sidelines observing them as the coaches lined them up for the
first drill. Everyone else was watching Steve and Ryan.
They keep on looking over here, Alex Delane whispered
excitedly to his friends, Kevin Kramer and James Hanson. He
glanced once more out of the corner of his eye at the fraternity
president and his little brother. They just looked again! he
exclaimed. Who do you think theyre watching?
Not you, butthead! James smirked. Theyre watching Mr.
Maryland State High School Record for Most Amount of Rushing
Yards Ever, over here! Kevin blushed, but he couldnt help the
cocky grin that spread across his face. He knew the fraternity
president was watching him. Hed been aware of it all week, but
unlike the other freshmen, he paid Steve Jankowski and Ryan
Sanderson no mind. He was trying to pretend like he could care less
whether they noticed him, or not. The truth was, though, that he did
want them to pick him. He wanted it almost more than he wanted to
make the starting team, and not just because of the status he would
earn as the presidents youngest brother either. Surely there would
be perks with that position, and he could certainly live with that, but
mostly he was just dying to be Danny Lockhearts little brother.
Kevin had a ton of respect for Danny. He had followed the
young quarterbacks career ever since the beginning of last season,
and he felt sure Danny would be drafted as a first round pick, if not
4

first overall, when he graduated. To play on the same team with him
was the whole reason Kevin had come to Saber Bend. Now, this
year, it was up to Steve and Ryan (well really it was up to Steve) to
choose a little brother for Danny. Kevin hardly dared to hope that
the president might choose him. His heart beat faster and he felt his
cheeks grow even hotter as he looked up to find that Danny too was
watching him with a steadier gaze than either Ryan or Steve.
Unbeknownst to Kevin, Danny had, in his mind, already chosen
him; if only the decision was his to make.
****************************
Danny Lockheart was standing across the field from his
brothers, next to his best friend, Jesse Kinkaid. He shifted his gaze
now from Kevin back to Steve and Ryan. His brothers eyes
suddenly appeared to be roving once more and Danny scowled at
them. Jesse followed his gaze. Stringing you along, are they? he
asked quietly.
Thats the understatement of the year! Danny griped.
Sean hasnt said anything to you has he?
No! Jesse snorted. Then again, why would he? He knows
Id go right to you.
I know theyre going to pick him! Danny groused. I just
dont understand why theyre dragging it out.
Theyre just messing with you, Jesse returned soothingly,
being a pain in the ass as always. Im sure theyll pick him.
Honestly, I dont see what else they could possibly be looking at.
He looked disgustedly at the rest of the freshmen.
*********************************
Ryan had a hard time keeping a straight face as his little
brother glowered at him and Steve from across the field. You know
hes already got his heart set on Kevin, dont you? He lowered his
voice, so only Steve would hear.
Yeah, I know he does, Steve acknowledged in an equally
quiet tone as he continued to scan the field.
Its a good match, Ryan probed further.
Yup, it is, Steve agreed, looking briefly at Kevin again.
Youre not really considering anybody else, are you? Ryan
5

simpered.
Nope, Steve was struggling to maintain his serious
countenance now too, and Ryan shook his head.
Any chance of letting him off the hook?
Nope, Steve returned, and he cracked a smile, despite
himself, as he too caught the irate eyes of their little brother. Not
yet, anyway. This is way too much fun.
********************************
The two hour practice was light as expected, focusing mostly
on conditioning drills that involved the team as a whole. Since the
players were not dressed in pads, there was no contact for the day.
At the end, however, the coaches decided to put the rookie running
backs and wide receivers through their paces. The vets were once
again on the sidelines, and few of them paid attention now. They
were more interested in catching up with friends they hadnt seen
since the spring than they were in watching the rookies show off.
They greeted each other with slaps on the back, handshakes,
hugs, jokes, and stories of their summer adventures. Steve and
Ryan too were conversing with their friends, and Danny and Jesse
were hanging out at the other end of the field with their friend,
Patrick OHanlon, who had returned earlier in the afternoon.
Occasionally mild remarks were made pertaining to the newest class
of freshmen and their potential, casual glances were thrown in the
younger students direction, or people reflected speculatively for a
moment on who Steve and Ryan would choose to be Dannys little
brother. For the most part, however, nobody seemed interested in
what was happening on the field; that is, until Kevin Kramer flew by
them all, on his way to the End Zone.
The talk stopped and all eyes were on the young running
back as he danced into the End Zone and spiked the ball, right in
front of Danny and his friends. Danny knew he shouldnt encourage
the kid, but as he looked down the line to where his brothers were
standing he couldnt help the big grin that spread across his face.
Steve and Ryan turned away, doing their best to look unimpressed,
but they didnt fool him, and the rest of the team was still staring at
the celebrating rookie in stunned silence. It had been a long time
since the Bulldogs had seen a running back capable of as much
speed as Kevin had just displayed. Nice one, Kid! Danny
6

exclaimed, and Kevin beamed.

All right, Kramer, dont get heady on me! The coach called
him back. That wasnt bad for your first time, against your own
kind. Get back here now, and lets run it again! This time were
going to see what you can do when its not quite so easy. Mcarthy,
get out here and play quarterback! Anderson, Novac, Robertson,
McNally . . . . He called some of his more seasoned players off the
bench. Sean Mcnally grabbed his helmet and grinned as he met
Ryans eyes.
Ryan tried, futilely, not to smile, and Steve jabbed him in the
ribs. Ryan didnt care. He was happy for his little brother, and he
couldnt help feeling smug as he stood next to Steve and watched as
over and over again they ran the play. Every time, Kevin managed
to get around even the most experienced players as they tried to
block his way to the End Zone. Finally, the coach told them to hit
the showers, and even he smiled at his young rookie. Good work
today, Kramer, he said, patting Kevins shoulder.
Thanks, Coach, Kevin replied with an exhausted smile as
he took his helmet off. Alex and James bounced up beside him.
That was frickin amazing, Man! James exclaimed. They
have to pick you, now! Kevin shrugged, but a feeling of selfsatisfaction washed over him, all the same, as he grinned at his
friends.
*********************************
So, have we decided? Danny popped up all of a sudden
between his brothers, throwing an arm over each of their shoulders,
and taking them both off guard. Ryan smirked at him.
Nope, not yet, Steve replied indulgently.
Well, what can you possibly be waiting for? Danny cried
impatiently. Werent you watching just now? It has to be Kevin!
Why? Steve returned. Just because he can run the ball
into the End Zone? Hopefully, hes not the only rookie out here who
can do that.
Danny looked at him incredulously. Its not just that he ran
it into the End Zone! he snapped. Hes fast! You saw him!
Everyone else out here sure as hell saw him. Even Coach was
impressed. The kids got skills, Steve. Dont try to pretend you
7

didnt see that.

Hes fast, Ill give you that, Steve conceded, but being
fast isnt everything. There are bound to be some other rookies with
skills too.
But I like, Kevin! Danny returned irritably.
Of course you do, Ryan simpered once more at his little
brother. Hes just like you, isnt he?
I dont know, Dan, Steve teased, Im not sure, Im ready
for two of you. I think one is about all I can handle. I think maybe
we should pick somebody with a nice quiet, shy personality, and let
you pump him up a bit. Then, maybe Ryan and I would actually
have some peace this semester. For instance, maybe someone like
Janson over there, Steve smiled lopsidedly as he indicated the shy,
awkward freshman with two left feet. He was standing by himself,
he seemed nervous, and he kept dropping his helmet.
Danny followed his brothers gaze and snorted. Come on,
Man! Now, I know youre messing with me!
No Im not, Danny! Steve pulled away from his little
brother, and started to pick up the equipment now that practice was
over. Janson may well be the diamond in the rough weve all been
waiting for.
Whatever! Steve looked up quickly as Danny lowered at
him, and Ryan had to turn away as he once again did his best to keep
a straight face. Play your little games then. I know youre going to
pick him!
You do not know anything, Little Bro, Steve cautioned
sternly, and if you would like a chance at having your way, I would
advise you to adjust your tone. Danny met his eyes with a glare of
sulky resentment, and Steve raised his eyebrows.
Ok! Sorry, Danny finally mumbled.
Apology accepted, Steve responded, and Danny turned
away with a scowl. Steve finished picking up the equipment, and as
he headed for the locker room, Ryan fell in beside him again, his
arms full of equipment, now, too.
You do not know anything, Little Bro! he mocked. Steve
smiled at him, but inside he felt uneasy, and his discomfort increased
as Ryan remarked, You are enjoying this president thing way too
much, Man. Steves little brother was no longer looking at him, so
he did not catch the serious expression that crossed his big brothers
8

face, and they continued on in silence as Steve anxiously pondered

his brothers smart-aleck words. It was true that he had been
playing with Danny a little. It was too fun. How could he not? His
last remark, though, had been anything but playful, and he knew he
had to make Ryan understand the difference. His stomach filled with
knots as he glanced once more at his impish little brother. Everyone
in the fraternity knew how he felt about Ryan; he adored him. He,
in fact, adored both his little brothers, and there were whisperings
already that he was bound to play favorites. He knew he had to
make both Danny and Ryan understand his position. He was still
their big brother, but this year he was the fraternity president too,
and he was determined to be fair, always.
****************************
Not bad, Rook, a voice behind Kevin called as the coach
headed off the field, not bad at all for your first day.
Kevin turned towards the voice to see Gregg Mcarthy
standing in the midst of some of the other seniors, and his smile
faded a little. He couldnt put his finger on it, but there was just
something he didnt like about the guy. He got a bad vibe, and his
voice now seemed more jealous and sneering than genuinely
congratulatory. Thanks, Kevin returned uncertainly.
Of course, no one was in pads today, Gregg goaded, and
you had little nancy boys out there like Mcnally, he indicated the
tall player with broad shoulders who was standing just behind
Kevin. Kevin turned his head, and Sean glanced in their direction at
the sound of his name, but he was used to Greggs shit, and was in
way too good a mood to let it bother him today. He was much more
interested in talking to his friends, and after smiling briefly at Kevin,
he returned his attention to his conversation. Sean doesnt like to
break his nails, Gregg explained snidely as Kevin looked back at
him. The guys gathered around Gregg laughed, and clapped their
friend on the back, and the young rookies brow darkened.
He didnt know much yet about the other guys in the house.
He had only been here a week after all and some of the older guys
had just returned. He had some strong first impressions, though, and
he liked Sean. Sean seemed down to earth, straight forward, and
unassuming. He seemed like the kind of guy who would make a
9

good mentor and friend. Of all the juniors and seniors, Sean had
been the nicest to him so far, and he was Ryan Sandersons best
friend. That had to mean something, didnt it? In any case, Kevin
didnt appreciate Greggs comments.
I dont know, Mcarthy, he returned now, I didnt notice
you doing anything particularly clever out there today. Steve and
Ryan had just come up beside Sean, and they paused as Kevins
comment rang out. Gregg and his friends saw them, but Kevin had
his back to them, and Gregg leered at him.
You just wait, Rook, until were all in pads! Then well see
what youre really made of.
Ill still run circles around you, Mcarthy! Kevin returned
hotly. Despite Greggs appearance at quarterback today, Kevin
happened to know that the senior was one of the principal players
standing between him and a starting position as running back.
Careful, Kid, Steve cautioned quietly, and Gregg jostled
his friends victoriously as Kevin turned to face the fraternity
president. You keep talkin like that, and you may have to put your
money where your mouth is. Kevin paled as he looked at Steves
serious face. Ryan stood between his brother and Sean, and a
number of other seniors and juniors had gathered around them now
too. Sean tried to catch Kevins eye, attempting to arrest any further
comments, but Kevin felt he had gone too far to back down now.
Bring it on then, Kevin answered Steve evenly.
Kevin! What are you doing, Man? Alex stepped in front of
him, blocking his view of the older students.
Leave him alone! James took hold of Alexs arm and
yanked him out of the way.
Are you crazy? Alex demanded. He just challenged the
president!
Yeah, well, he got challenged first! James snapped.
Neither Kevin nor Steve, nor anybody else was paying attention to
them as Steve and Kevin continued to stare one another down.
All right, Kid! You have your ass here, on the field, by
seven oclock tomorrow morning. I want you dressed, and ready to
go, in pads!
Just me? Kevin questioned, his stomach turning. There
was no one he respected more than Steve (except maybe Danny),
and he hadnt meant to challenge him in the first place. He certainly
10

hadnt meant for things to go this far.

Youre the only one talking smack, arent you? Steve
demanded. Kevin bit his lip, and remained silent. See you at
seven, Steve repeated, and he turned once more towards the locker
rooms. Sean and Ryan glanced briefly at Kevin and then followed
Steve as James came up and put a hand on his friends shoulder.
Kevin hung his head and brought his hand to his eyes. Thats it, he
thought. Theyll never pick me now. A moment later he felt a
hand settle on his other shoulder, but he assumed it was just Alex,
and he didnt react. There was no possible way for his friends to
know how low he was feeling right now.
Dont worry, Kid. The soft, reassuring voice reached
Kevins ears, and he looked up quickly to meet the concerned,
empathetic eyes of Danny Lockheart. Youll get used to him.
Steves bark is worse than his bite, and Ryan is real good at settling
him down, he grinned a little sheepishly. He should be by now, I
guess, with all the practice hes had. Steves always got a beef of
one sort or another with me that Ryan has to try and talk him out of.
Keep your chin up. The next week or so is going to be hell, but it
will be worth it. Danny gave Kevins shoulder a final squeeze, and
then started after his brothers, walking quickly in an attempt to catch
up.
Jesse had come over with his friend, and he too squeezed
Kevins shoulder as he passed. Youre a real gutsy kid, he
whispered. Dont let Mcarthy get you down. Sean saw what
happened. I know it seemed like he wasnt paying attention, but he
was. Jesse was talking to Kevin, but he was looking at James,
sizing him up. He liked what he saw. James might not be as fast on
his feet as Kevin, but he was just as fiery, and as young as his
alliance with Kevin was, he was obviously fierce in his loyalty to his
friend. James eyed him curiously. Looks like its you and me,
Kid, Jesse grinned. Take care of your friend, here; his lifes about
to get real difficult. James regarded him apprehensively, and Jesse
chuckled. Dont look so worried, he assured good naturedly, its
only for a week, and after all, he has you. He flashed another
crooked smile, and then left the dumb struck freshmen to ponder his
words as he hurried after his friend.
Steve was walking so fast that even Sean and Ryan were
having trouble keeping up, so Danny and Jesse really had no
11

chance, and they finally slowed their pace. If Steve really was
mad, Danny thought to himself, it was better to let Ryan handle it
anyway. Silently, the two friends walked side by side, content now
to let their thoughts go. So, hows it feel to be a big brother? Jesse
asked quietly after a minute. Danny met his eyes, and they both
grinned.
Its awesome! Danny replied.
Jesse nodded. I think so too, he returned softly as he
thought once again of James.
Steve could act as mad as he wanted. He could put on airs
and continue the pretense, but the jig was up. Kevin Kramer had
outperformed every other freshman on the field today, and he had
stood up to Gregg Mcarthys bullying. He had even stood up to
Steve. No matter what Dannys older brothers said now, Danny and
Jesse knew it was over. The selection had been made. It might not
be official yet, but Kevin Kramer had just become the newest and
youngest brother of the fraternity president.

12

Folder One: The Meeting

File One: The Pool Game
File Two: The Promise
File Three: The Confrontation
File Four: The Plea
File Five: The Meeting
File Six: The Questions and Answers
File Seven: The House Rules
File Eight: The Code
File Nine: The Resolution

13

File One
The Pool Game
"The secret to getting ahead is getting started."
-Mark Twain
It was an exceptionally warm November day even for South
Carolina. The temperature at the Saber Bend University campus in
Columbia had hit fifty degrees by nine am and was now climbing
swiftly towards seventy. The sun was bright and welcome after the
recent week of rain, and all the doors to the Rho Beta Chi (Kigh)
fraternity house stood wide open. A soft breeze floated through the
hallway to where Steve Jankowski, Ryan Sanderson, and Danny
Lockheart were playing pool down in the otherwise empty game
room. Like all the Saber Bend students on such an unexpectedly
beautiful day, they were dressed in nothing but shorts and t-shirts.
The sunny weather, however, did little to help brighten their mood,
and most of their fraternity brothers, knowing it was a hard day for
them, were respecting their space.
Eight ball, corner pocket, Steve called, indicating the
pocket with his cue to make sure his intentions were clear. He had
won every game so far, and he didnt intend to lose now. He aimed
carefully, and bent low over the table, taking his time.
Hey guys, whats up? Dannys little brother, Kevin,
entered the room and threw a furtive glance in Dannys direction
before making his way to the kitchenette in the corner, and helping
himself to a beer.
Its a little early for that, dont you think, Kev? Danny
demanded.
Come on, Dan, Kevin protested, cut me a break today,
wont you? One wont hurt anything. Danny remained silent and
avoided Ryans eyes as the ball rolled smoothly into the pocket.
Oh, yeah! Whos the man? Steve raised his arms
victoriously and Danny and Ryan scowled at him. In their current
mood, his cockiness was just a little hard to swallow. Come on,
girls! Rack em up again! Youre not gonna let me win em all
today are you?
14

Youre not gonna let me win em all today are you? Ryan
mimicked him silently and began to strut and wave his arms as
Steve turned to re-chalk his cue. Whos the man? Ryan puffed
out his chest and continued his comical and frighteningly accurate
impression as he began to gather the balls. There werent many
people who would have had the guts to mock the president of the
fraternity so boldly, but Ryan knew he could get away with it.
Danny tried to smile, knowing that the show was for his
benefit, but not even Ryan could make him laugh today. Finally,
Ryan stopped, flashing Steve an impish grin, as his big brother
turned and caught him in the act. Steve shook his head and couldnt
help smiling too as he returned his attention to his cue. The kid was
such a goober sometimes, but he sure was fond of Danny. Tonights
going to be hard on both of them, he reflected as the smile fell away
from his face. Who are you kidding, Jankowski? he sighed. 'Its
going to be hard on all of us.
Kevin was making his way back to the pool table, now, and
Steve looked up just in time to see Dannys brooding countenance
return. Ryans face too reverted to its formerly grim expression, and
Steve pursed his lips. Kevin, oblivious to his brothers changing
visages, lounged against the back of the sofa, watching his three
older counterparts, and Steve offered him a small smile. Whats
going on, Kevbo? he asked in an attempt to recapture the fleeting
moment of lightness brought on by Ryans clowning. It was no use;
the moment had passed. Without a word, Ryan finished re-racking
the balls while Danny got ready to break.
Not a whole lot, Kevin answered Steve as the next game
began. Its been a pretty boring day so far. Where is everybody?
Never you mind about that! Danny chided as he, in his
turn, re-chalked his cue. Did you get that report done for Merrick?
Ryan was preparing to shoot and he exchanged glances with Steve,
but they both remained silent as Kevin looked tremulously at his big
brother. Well! Danny prodded. Did you?
No, not exactly . . ., Kevin started hesitantly, and Danny
glared at him.
Just when did you plan on doing it, Kev? he inquired. The
sharp tone caused Ryan to glance at his little brother again as he
took aim, but Danny once again avoided his eyes.
Come on, Danny . . ., Kevin started in the beseeching tone
15

that habitually won his big brother over.

Dont even try it, Kevin! Danny snapped. How many
times are we going to talk about this?? Have you started it?
No! Kevin returned defensively. Why was Danny being
like this, especially now, especially this week? He was never such a
hard ass, not like this. Ill do it next week, ok?
No, Kev! Not ok! Merrick is no joke! Hes not going to
accept the same BS some of your other professors do. You need to
get going!
Ill do it, next week! Kevin repeated exasperatedly.
I think you should start it now!
Well, I dont care what you think! Kevin retorted. This is
the weekend before my birthday for Christs Sakes! Does that mean
anything to you? Its the one chance I have to celebrate, and all
youve done all fucking week is hound me about that report! We
have a big game on Sunday, and, as you keep reminding me, I have
a lot of stuff to do. Dont you think I know that? Cant I have just a
few minutes this weekend without you crawling up my ass?
Easy, Kev . . ., Ryan started. He sunk several striped balls
and then stood, scowling pointedly at Danny as he did. Kevin
shifted his now brimming eyes in Ryans direction, but Danny was
not ready yet to let the conversation go.
Kevin, you are going to fail American History!
Dan, Ive got time!
Yeah, loads of time! The end of the semester is barely a
month away, Man!
I will do the fucking report, Danny! Just get off my back,
will you?
Fine, Man, its your funeral.
God! Fuck you! I dont need this shit! Obviously my
birthday means nothing to you! The hell with you! Draining the
rest of his beer, Kevin crunched his empty beer can into a ball and
fired it at the trash. Then, he turned, and with one last glare at
Danny, made his way sulkily to the door.
Danny closed his eyes as the common room door slammed,
and when he opened them both Ryan and Steve were staring at him,
the game forgotten. What? Danny demanded.
Dont you think you were a little hard on him? Steve
asked. Danny shrugged and picked up the chalk again, twisting it
16

vigorously against the end of his cue.

You may as well let him celebrate a little, Dan, Ryan spoke
quietly. For a moment Danny remained silent. You cant help him
out of this by being hard on him now, his big brother continued in
the same soft tone. You know that, dont you? Danny looked
down at his stick, concentrating intently on some unseen object as
Steve and Ryan waited. Finally, he looked at them.
I should have been stronger with him before, he replied,
his voice cracking.
It wouldnt have helped, Steve responded in the same
undertone Ryan had used. You would only have succeeded in
getting his back up like you did just now. Danny bit his lip and
looked away.
I guess I better go talk to him, he said at last, setting the
stick down and leaning it against the table. He started for the door,
but Ryan took hold of his arm, pulling him back.
You cant tell him, Dan. Danny hesitated and Ryan turned
to face him, looking squarely into his little brothers eyes. Danny
tried to yank his arm away, but Ryan held him fast. You know the
consequences! Promise me youre not going to tip him off! Danny
averted his eyes and remained silent. After a minute, when he still
had not spoken, Ryan tightened his grip, making Danny grimace.
Promise me!
Im not going to tell him, Danny replied wretchedly after a
minute. Still, Ryan didnt let go, and Danny looked up again to meet
his eyes. I promise, he said. Finally, Ryan released him, and
Danny headed forlornly for the door. Steve and Ryan watched him
go, and as Danny closed the common room door behind him, Ryan
sank heavily onto the couch and put his head in his hands. Steve
observed his little brother quietly for a moment, and then, without a
word, he replaced the cues in the rack on the wall and sat down next
to him. Neither one of them had any interest in continuing the
game.

17

File Two
The Promise
"Your visions will become clear only when you can look
into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who
looks inside, awakes."
-Carl Gustav Jung
Learning to believe you are magnificent. And gradually
to discover that you are not magnificent. Enough labor for
one human life.
-Czeslaw Milosz
Danny knew just where to find Kevin, but he wasnt in a
hurry. The kid was no joke when he was mad. It was best to let him
cool down a little before attempting a rational conversation. Slowly,
but surely, he made his way to the practice field of the Saber Bend
University Bull Dogs, and as he went, he pondered quietly the
success of the team so far this year. Much of it was due to Kevin he
thought proudly. Danny was the quarterback, and Kevin, though
just a freshman, had made the team as a running back and had
proved himself in every game. He was a gutsy kid. Danny smiled
as he thought of some of the plays Kevin had made. Some of them,
Danny would never have even thought about trying with a kid as
green as Kevin if his little brother hadnt pestered him so much.
Give the ball to me, Danny! I can do it! I know I can! Finally,
Danny had taken a chance. He had gone out on a limb to get Coach
to agree to start his prize rookie. If it hadnt worked, if Kevin had
been injured . . . well . . . Danny shuddered as he thought about it. It
had worked, though; it had paid off big.
Another thorn in Gregg Mcarthys side, Danny thought, his
lips twitching involuntarily. He knew he shouldnt be so smug, but
it was almost impossible not to be. He had never really experienced
the frustration Gregg had of being repeatedly shown up by younger,
more talented players. Gregg was the kind of guy who was fairly
capable in any position he played, and his versatility had kept him
18

on the team, but he was not a star at any position. He was a senior
now, and chances to prove himself had become limited. The day
Danny took a chance on Kevin Kramer was the day Gregg Mcarthy
had lost his starting position for the fourth year in a row.
Dannys pleasant reminiscences began to fade as he got
closer to the field. They were replaced by thoughts of the
impending night, and his stomach turned. Damn the kids
cockiness! he thought, but he understood it. Hadnt he been the
same way? He had reached the door of the weight room by now and
he could hear the punching bag inside. Someone was really
knocking the shit out of it. His hand was on the door knob before he
changed his mind and retraced his steps to the field. He sat down to
wait on the perimeter and stretched his legs out before him as he
chewed a blade of grass and continued to contemplate the good
times the team had enjoyed this season and the fondness he had
developed for Kevin.
He smiled again to himself. The kid really was cocky.
Danny, Ryan, and Steve were just about the only ones Kevin ever
listened to, and it wasnt often that he listened to them. Danny had
spent a lot of extra time with his little brother, encouraging him in
his studies as well as on the field. Hed tried hard to keep Kevin out
of trouble, but Kevin seemed destined for it. He was failing most of
his classes, or just barely passing them. He spent twice as much
time partying as he did studying, and recently he was spending more
and more time at Rho Beta Xi (zzEYE), the sorority counterpart to
their fraternity, where many of the cheerleaders lived. The most
disturbing thing, though, was his attitude. Recently, he had been
mouthing off all the time to everyone, even his three mentors. He
really has gotten just a little too big for his britches, Danny sighed.
Well, he cant help it! The defensive big brother in him flared. Its
not like you, Ryan, or Steve handled things any better when you
were freshmen. Too true, the inner battle continued, and thank
God we all had the house there, waiting to straighten us out . . . .
What are you doing here? Dannys stream of
consciousness was interrupted by Kevins hostile challenge, and
Danny looked up at him, thoughtfully.
Waiting for you, he replied quietly.
Why? Kevin remained guarded, shifting his workout bag
on his shoulder and glaring down at his big brother.
19

Just to talk.
Well, excuse me if Ive had enough of your kind of talk
today, Kevin snapped, and he turned away.
Kevin, wait, Danny called, but Kevin didnt stop. Wait,
Danny pleaded, getting to his feet and hurrying to catch up with
him. Please listen to me.
Why should I, after you yelled at me that way? And in front
of Steve and Ryan too! Danny caught hold of Kevins arm, but
Kevin yanked it away and continued storming down the field,
forcing Danny to trot along side him.
Im sorry, Kev, Danny replied softly, realizing now that he
had really overstepped the line. I shouldnt have done that. Kevin
slowed his pace, but didnt stop, and didnt look at Danny. Instead
he just glared at the ground, swiping angrily at his eyes as they filled
with hot tears. Danny put a hand on his arm again, and this time
Kevin did not pull away. Finally he stopped and looked up at Danny
as tears spilled onto his cheeks. Im sorry, kid, Danny said again.
Well, I dont want another lecture! Kevin retorted.
Im not here to lecture, Danny responded gently. Im
here to make peace. This is your birthday weekend, after all, right? I
dont want to fight with you, Little Bro. Kevin, however, was not
ready to let Danny off that easily.
Thats right, jerkweed! It IS my birthday weekend! Why did
you have to do that to me? Why are you being such an asshole?
Danny didnt respond. There was no good way to explain to Kevin
why he had acted as he had. Come on, Man, Kevin pressed him. I
want to know! What exactly is your problem? Still Danny didnt
answer him. Are you jealous? Kevin asked, finally.
Danny was taken off guard and before he could stop himself
he responded with a contemptuous snort, Of what?
Kevin in his turn was surprised by Dannys open disdain, and
he hesitated. I dont know, he returned finally, looking at his feet
and shifting his weight. Ive been getting a lot of the attention
recently, getting a lot of the cute girls . . . maybe youre wishing for
the days when you had the spotlight. Kevins tone was even more
uncertain as he looked into his big brothers eyes and saw the good
humored, if somewhat condescending, twinkle of understanding.
Kevins sense of shame was complete when Danny responded with a
hearty laugh and clapped him on the back. After all, Dannys
20

limelight days were far from over and Kevin knew it.
Oh kid, Danny chuckled as they started to walk again.
No, Kev, Im not jealous. Im just worried about you.
Worried? Why? Whats to worry about? Im on top of the
world right now.
I know, Man, but youre throwing it all away.
No, Im not! Kevin returned irritably. Im passing
everything, but American History, and as long as I do ok on that
report, Ill pass that too. Danny shot him a look. What?? Ill do it!
Just not this weekend. I promise, next week, Ill get right on it!
Besides, he added as Danny remained silent and clearly
unconvinced, who cares about grades when youre the star of the
football team. Theyre not going to fail me! Danny shook his head
and walked faster, leaving Kevin to try and keep up now.
Theres more to life than football, Man! Danny chided.
Ok, Danny, I know. Ill do the report! Starting Tuesday, Ill
lock myself in my room and not come out until its done. I promise.
Tuesday? Danny questioned skeptically as he looked at his
little brother.
Well, I cant do it Monday, Kevin stated in a tone that
implied Danny was missing the obvious. Mondays my actual
birthday. Dannys brow furrowed, but as he opened his mouth to
respond, Kevin cut him off. No more lectures today! Please!
Danny still looked like he wanted to say something. You
promised, Kevin reminded. Danny sighed and looked away. The
kid was right; he had promised. Besides, he thought, it wont do
any good now anyway.
All right, Man, he said finally as he looked back at Kevin,
no more lectures. Just get that report done!
I will, Kevin responded gratefully.
What are you up to, now? Danny asked.
Well, Kevin looked sheepish and turned red as he looked
once more at the ground. First, Im going back to the house to
change, and then Im headed over to Rho Beta Xi (zzEYE). The
girls are throwing me a little party. Dannys brow darkened once
again, but Kevin continued without noticing. You should come,
he said. I could definitely set you up.
Kev, Danny interjected in an exasperated tone, if I wanted
one of those skanky-ass cheerleaders, I could get one. The stuff
21

simply doesnt interest me anymore! Kevin stared at him in wideeyed disbelief, and Danny couldnt help grinning as he put his arm
over his little brothers shoulders. Come on; lets get you back to
the house, so you can get ready to celebrate properly. Kevin smiled
too now and they started to make their way back. They walked in
silence for awhile and then Danny spoke again quietly. Youre still
coming to the house later, arent you? There was silence and
Danny looked over at his little brother. Kev?
I dont know, Danny. It just seems awfully boring . . . .
Danny stopped, his heart missing a beat, and looked
seriously at Kevin. Kevin stopped too, as he saw the expression on
Dannys face. Kev, you have to come. Attendance is mandatory!
Oh, come on, Danny! Kevin flashed his cockiest grin. Its
probably just another initiation and who cares about that?
Dannys face clouded at the mention of the initiations, but
after a minute he cautioned softly, You should care, Kev. Someday,
youre going to be in the Bull Dog Hall of Fame. Dont you want
people to come to your meeting? Kevin shrugged, but Danny could
tell the point had resonated at least a little. In any case, I dont
think it is an initiation, Kevbo, he continued seriously. At least
not that type of initiation, he thought mordantly. Whatever the
purpose, though, he battled to keep his tone as neutral as possible,
its important for you to be there.
Kevin was studying his face intently now, and Danny did his
best to pull his mind back from the fog of dark associations that had
descended at the mention of the traditional initiation meetings that
always took place at this time of the year. I dont get it, Danny,
Kevin repeated in a genuine effort to be respectful of his brothers
tone. Why is it so important that I have to miss the last and
probably best part of my own party to be there? Danny looked
away uncomfortably as Kevin continued to gaze at him. Unless . . .
, Kevin started as if a light was just dawning. Unless . . . is it like
a surprise party or something? Danny hesitated, and Kevin
grinned. It is a surprise party, isnt it? he demanded triumphantly.
I knew it!
Oh, its a surprise all right, Danny thought bitterly. Damn
you, Steve! Whyd it have to be THIS weekend? Just make sure
youre there! he replied edgily as he finally met his little brothers
eyes once more.
22

I dont know, Kevin started teasingly, it still seems pretty

boring. Did you guys bake me a cake? Because the girls baked me a
cake . . . .
Danny grabbed Kevins arm hard, cutting him off. Dont
play this, Kev! he commanded. Kevin squirmed, trying to pull
away, but Danny just held tighter. Promise me youll come!
Oww, Danny! Oww! Ok! Kevin flinched at the serious
intensity of Dannys countenance.
Promise me, Kev!
Ok, Man, Oww! Youre hurting me! He tried once more,
unsuccessfully, to pull his arm away. Ok! If it means that much to
you, Ill come! A lance of guilt pierced Dannys gut as he let Kevin
go and walked ahead, leaving his little brother to rub his arm in
wonder. Kevin caught up a moment later, but he remained silent.
His big brother was acting very strangely. Danny was rarely so
intense about anything, at least not with him, but Kevin knew better
than to question him when he was.

23

File Three
The Confrontation
"I seek the crucial region of the soul where absolute Evil
and fraternity clash."
-Andre Malraux
The common room was full now, and as he entered the house
behind Danny, Kevin was mildly disturbed by the impression that
the chatter had slowed, if not completely stopped, upon their arrival.
Ryan looked up from where he was now sitting at the common room
table, working on a last minute report of his own. He quickly
averted his eyes when Kevin looked his way, however, and returned
to his typing. Steve was nowhere in sight. Kevin did not like the
feel of the atmosphere in the house right now, though he couldnt
explain why. It seemed a mixture of gloom and anticipatory
liveliness and it struck him as an odd combination. He became more
disconcerted as he looked around and noticed that it was all of
Steve, Ryan, and Dannys closest friends who seemed quiet and
anxious. They all refused to look at him. Im sure Im imagining
things, Kevin tried to shake the feeling off as his own best friend
and roommate, James, came up to greet him. Nothing was
unfamiliar about Jamess greeting, and the two headed up the stairs
to their room, leaving what Kevin felt was the general funk of the
common room behind. Maybe theyre just stressed about exams,
he pondered. The older guys were so much more serious than he
and his friends were. I hope I never get to be like that, he thought.
Danny watched them go, grateful that James had been there
to distract Kevin, whose sharp eyes and ears would undoubtedly
pick up things. When they were safely upstairs, Danny made his
way over to Ryan and sat down next to him. Everything ok, now?
Ryan asked.
Danny slumped and put his head in his hands. For the
moment, he replied.
Ryan looked at him, sympathetically. Dan, none of this is
your fault. We all knew this was the way it would play out. Stop
beating yourself up.
24

Danny remained silent for a moment, and then looked at his

brother miserably. He thinks were throwing him a surprise party,
he said quietly.
What? Ryan stopped typing, and stared at Danny with
concern. Whered he get that idea?
Well, he was hedging again about whether to come tonight
or not, and I simply reiterated that attendance was mandatory, and it
was important for him to be here. You know Kevin, though. Hes
convinced himself, now. Nothings going to change his mind.
There was another long moment of silence, and then finally
Ryan spoke. Well, he started, smirking at his brother, its not as
bad as what you thought last year.
Its pretty fucking close! Danny snapped, not appreciating
the humor in his brothers tone.
Ryan sighed, Hell get over it, Dan.
Right! Maybe by next year! Danny replied sourly. This is
so fucking hard!
I know it is, Ryan returned supportively, placing a hand on
his arm.
Hes going to hate me!
No he wont. Hell understand, in time. You dont hate me,
do you?
No, Danny grumbled, not anymore.
Exactly, Ryan returned with another faint smile, giving
Dannys arm a squeeze before he continued typing.
Wheres Steve? Danny asked.
Hes upstairs, Ryan replied.
"Wish he'd just stay there!" Danny carped.
"Hey, Danny, come on. You know Steve would have done
things differently, if he could. He has no choice, but to follow the
rules."
"Right," Danny muttered. "He's only the fucking fraternity
president. Obviously, he has no control at all." Ryan's intent blue
eyes settled on him reprovingly and Danny's scowl deepened, but he
refrained from expressing any further thoughts of this kind.
There were no freshmen in the common room now. Those
who ventured in didnt stay long. They all sensed the same
moodiness Kevin had, and attributing it to exams like he did, they
removed themselves from the distasteful atmosphere. They knew
25

nothing. Freshmen, especially those close to Kevin, could not be

trusted to keep secrets, so they were in the dark, as unsuspecting as
Kevin was himself. Tonight was meant to be a wake up call for all of
them. Kevin was just the example.
Ryans best friend, Sean, now made his way, from where he
had been talking quietly with some of the other juniors, over to the
table where Ryan and Danny were sitting. He placed a hand on
Dannys shoulder as he sat down next to him. How you holding
up? he asked. Danny shrugged. Its going to be ok, Dan, Sean
encouraged. Danny still didnt respond, and Sean looked at Ryan,
inquiringly.
Kevin thinks that tonight is a surprise party, Ryan
explained softly with a worried glance at his little brother.
Oh Shit! Sean exclaimed. Howd he arrive at that
deduction?
Ryan shrugged, Just all the importance placed on his
attendance, I guess. He looked at Danny again. Kevin kept
threatening to blow the whole thing off, and I guess Danny, Steve,
and I might have gone a little overboard in our efforts to make sure
he didnt.
Fuck, Sean muttered as he tightened his grip on Dannys
shoulder. An awkward silence passed, and then finally Sean spoke
again. Itll be all right, Danny, he reassured quietly. You know,
last year, Ryan thought you would never forgive him, but look at
you guys now. You get what it was all about. You understand that it
was necessary, and in time, Kevin will come to the same
conclusion. His eyes then took on a mischievous twinkle. After
all, he continued, what Kevin thinks is no worse than what you
had in your head. If you could forgive Ryan, surely Kevin can
forgive you too. Ryan smiled a little again too as he perused the
screen in front of him.
Yeah, ok, hardy, har, har, Danny bristled. What about the
meantime, though?
Ryan stopped typing again and he and Sean locked eyes.
Im not going to lie and tell you its easy, Man, Ryan said at last.
Dannys friend, Jesse, entered the room at that moment and Sean
silently waved him over. Youre definitely going to need your
friends. Those three weeks last year when you refused to talk to me,
even went out of your way to avoid me, were some of the worst
26

weeks of my life. I never felt so low. I don't know what I would

have done without Andy, Sean, Steve, and Matt. Danny put his
hands over his face, and a moment later he put his head down on his
arms. Ryan put a consoling hand on his back.
Sean and Jesse remained quiet for a minute, but finally Jesse
reached across to touch Dannys arm. It'll be ok, Man. Patrick and
I got you through last year. Well get you through this year too.
Dont worry. He squeezed his friends arm firmly, but Danny did
not look up and nobody knew what to say.
Danny? Are you all right? Kevins slightly rattled voice
carried across the common room. His friends, James and Alex,
stood behind him, and they exchanged glances. There was no doubt
about it this time. The whispered conversations had all but stopped
when they entered the room, and something was clearly really
bugging Danny. Exams couldnt be this big a deal, could they?
Jesse got up and made his way over to them.
Aaa . . . dont worry about him, Kevbo. Hes all right. Just
running a little short on sleep and you know how Danny is when he
hasnt slept. Dont you have a party to get to? I hear the girls are
going all out.
Yeah, sure, I guess so, Kevin replied uncertainly, his eyes
still on Danny who had not moved. Ryan poked his little brother,
and finally Danny raised his head.
Fuck, he muttered, looking away for a moment. Ryan
squeezed his arm once more, and finally Danny got up and
approached Kevin and his friends. Jesse moved in close to him as
he came up beside the little group, and Danny tried to gather his
courage. You taking off, Bro? You look very sharp.
Thanks, Kevin replied, still sounding unsure. Are you
sure youre ok, Dan? Do you want me to stay?
No, Man, Dannys voice wavered, and he looked away.
Jesse put a hand on his friends shoulder as James and Alex looked
at him strangely. Its like Jesse said, Danny finally continued in a
steadier voice, as he looked back at his brother, Im just stressed
and a little short on sleep. Ill be ok. You better get going! Birthday
parties dont last forever, you know.
Ok, Kevin grinned, seeming mostly convinced, and he
turned with his friends to go.
Kev, Danny called him back and all three boys turned to
27

face him, ten oclock, dont forget.

Right, Kevin smiled again, and winked knowingly at his
brother, and dont worry, he added in a conspiratorial whisper that
only Danny, Jesse, and his two friends could hear, Ill be sure to act
surprised.
Just dont be late! Danny retorted.
Ok! I wont, Kevin called over his shoulder as James and
Alex dragged him away.
Jesse looked at Danny inquiringly as they heard the screen
door at the end of the hallway close behind the three younger
students. What was that about? he asked.
Danny put his hand to his eyes. Kevin thinks were
throwing him a party tonight, he replied.
A party? The surprised exclamation came not from Jesse,
but from the unseen figure lurking behind him. He thinks tonights
meeting is a party? Gregg Mcarthy snickered. Oh, thats rich!
Shut it, Gregg! Jesse snapped. Sean and Ryan both looked
up from the table, and got to their feet as Danny clenched his fists
and glared at their rival.
Ohhhh . . . no! Gregg responded to Jesse. This is good!
This is way too good to sit on! Ryan was glaring at him now, too,
and his smirk widened. Hey everybody, he called out loud to the
now busy common room.
Shut the fuck up, Mcarthy! Ryans challenge rang out as
the buzz of activity began to die.
Guess what? Gregg continued with a malicious sneer.
Not another word, Danny glowered, or Ill . . . .
. . . or . . . youll . . . what? Gregg baited. Danny looked at
Ryan, and Gregg too shifted his gaze to include Dannys older
brother. Come on, then! Lets see what youve got! He leered at
them nastily. The room was deathly silent now as Gregg continued
tauntingly, Some of us think a summons is long overdue for you
two, so high and mighty because youre the presidents younger
brothers. Youre both so damned spoiled!
Thats enough, Gregg! Sean reacted, but Danny and Ryan
did not. They didnt give a flying rats ass what this loser had to say
about them. It was only Kevin that they cared about right now.
Gregg sensed it and returned to his former target. Poor
Kevie, he jeered.
28

You are such an asshole, Jesse hissed, placing his hand on

Dannys arm as Danny took a threatening step in Greggs direction.
Gregg ignored him and continued as Sean now placed a restraining
hand on Ryan as well.
Yall ready for this? Gregg gloated as he looked around
the now silent common room. Sean and Jesse each tightened their
hold as Danny and Ryan both fixed Gregg with an intimidating
scowl. Our little Kevbo thinks tonights meeting is a party to
celebrate his birthday! Isnt that sweet?!
The two brothers lunged at Gregg. Sean was ready and as
the taller of the two had a fair amount of success containing Ryan,
especially as their friend Andrew moved in to help. Andrew had
witnessed the scene from the upstairs landing, and, anticipating
mischief, had come downstairs. He was standing in the common
room door when the trouble broke out, and he moved quickly,
pushing Ryan back as Ryan struggled to break the hold Sean had on
him.
Jesse, unfortunately, did not have the same success
restraining Danny. He was as tall as his friend, but not as strong,
and Danny practically ran him over in his rage. Pat! Jesse called,
spying his second closest friend in a corner across the room.
No, Danny! Patrick bolted out of his seat. Hes so not
worth it! Get out of the way! he barked in frustration at anyone
sitting or standing in his path as he leapt over chairs and sent
garbage cans flying in a mad effort to reach his friend. Jesse made
one last desperate grab for Dannys shirt, but it was too late.
Ill fucking kill you! Greggs derisive laughter was cut
short as Danny grabbed him by the throat and forced him against the
wall. You sick son of a bitch! You are so dead! he cried. Gregg
was choking now and clawing at Dannys wrists. A second later,
Seans strong hands were prying Dannys fingers from Greggs
throat. Patrick came up beside them and Danny fought as his friends
dragged him back. Let me go! Let me go! Ill get you, Mcarthy!
Im going to fucking kill you! You hear me? Danny pitched
himself violently against Sean, and Sean braced himself,
successfully keeping him back with Patricks help.
Andrew, meanwhile, was still restraining Ryan who had
calmed considerably as his concern for his brother pushed aside his
own hot-headed anger. Let me go, Andy! he demanded, pulling
29

away from his friend.

Are you calm? Andrew asked him.
Yes, Ryan replied huffily, trying once again to push past
him.
You dont look calm, Andrew returned.
Well, I am! Ryan snapped. Come on, Man! Im not going
to do anything!
All right, Andy replied, but remember, you promised.
Ryan nodded, and Andrew released him.
Calm down, Ryan instructed his brother now as he came
up beside Sean and Patrick. Danny was still fighting them, and
Patrick looked grateful as Ryan motioned him to step aside. Calm
down! Ryan commanded again, pushing Danny back as his
younger brother rushed at them once more. Ryan looked at Sean and
a moment later Sean stepped aside too. Ryan closed his arms
around Danny and pushed him back once more. Danny continued to
struggle briefly, but Ryan was used to him and knew how to handle
him; he kept his little brother well in check as Danny glared
menacingly at Gregg over his shoulder.
Gregg, during this time had still been struggling to regain his
breath. He had his own hand to his throat now, and was still
wheezing and gulping for air as he tried to recover from Dannys
unexpected onslaught. It had really been a surprise. He certainly
had hoped to get a rise out of Steves brothers, but, despite the
poignant taunts he had leveled at them, he had underestimated the
probability of his success. Danny, after all, was two years younger
than he was, and the presidents second youngest brother. For him
to attack a senior would be unheard of. Gregg didnt think either he
or Ryan would have the guts, and he looked smugly now at Danny
as the air finally came back into his lungs. Congratulations,
Lockheart! he sneered. You just guaranteed yourself a Summons!
Dannys struggles subsided some and he turned ashen as he
looked at Ryan. Ryan too turned deathly pale, and his little brother
clutched at him. Oh God, Ry! Hes gonna kill me! Danny
whispered. What am I gonna do?
Ryan swallowed as he looked into his little brothers
panicked eyes, I dont know, Kid, he replied softly.
I didnt mean it, Ryan! Danny pleaded desperately. I
didnt mean to do it!
30

I know, Ryan soothed as Danny clutched at him. I know

you didnt. Let me talk to him, he continued as he felt Dannys
fingers digging into his arms. Itll be all right, he murmured, as he
looked into Dannys still pasty face. Ill talk to him, ok?
You two are such pussies! Gregg snorted scornfully. Oh
God, Ry, what am I going to do? he mocked in a high pitched
imitation of Danny. Then he deepened his voice, I dont know,
Kid. Let me talk to him. He laughed again.
Fuck you, Mcarthy! Jesse took a step in his direction, but
Sean yanked him back.
Dont you start! he snapped.
You just love playing the hero, dont you, Sanderson?
Gregg continued to needle Ryan. So fucking spoiled! Look at me,
look at me! Im the presidents brother! I can do what I want!
Shut the fuck up! Seans temper flared, despite himself, as
some of Greggs friends laughed. He is not like that!
Well, it doesnt matter! Gregg jeered. Hes not going to
be able to do jack shit this time and he knows it! Look at him!
Gregg sniggered again. Its about time too! At least one of Steves
cocky-ass brothers will finally get whats coming to him!
All right, Mcarthy! You made your point! Just drop it!
Sean warned. Gregg was not about to let this go, though. This was
the most fun hed had in a long time.
I can just see it now! he continued gleefully.
Shut it! Andrew threatened, and Sean looked at him
nervously. Andrew was the biggest and strongest of the group. If he
decided to go after Gregg, nobody would be able to stop him.
Come on, Bro! Lets get it over with! The stillness of the
room deepened as Gregg imitated the fraternity president. He
sounded just exactly like Steve, and Ryan and Dannys friends
looked at them in dread. Ryan had so far suffered the insults quietly,
but now as his little brother clung tighter, he balled his fists in an
effort to control his anger. No, Steve! Please! Im sorry, Im
sorry! Gregg imitated Danny again now and laughed. Itll be just
like last year! he leered. All the drama. Sanderson begging and
pleading on his brothers behalf. Such a touching scene! How I
wish I could be there; Id bring popcorn . . . .
You fucking bastard!
Gregg broke off mid-sentence as Ryan flew at him. Ryan!
31

Andrew shouted, but Ryan had already sent Gregg sprawling with a
solid blow to his jaw. Sean, Patrick, and Jesse rushed to restrain
Danny, and it took the efforts of all three to keep him from following
his brother.
Fuck! Gregg brought his hand to his mouth as he felt it
beginning to swell. God, that hurt! he glared up at Ryan.
Shit, Ry! What did you do? Sean looked back at him,
horrified, still trying to keep Danny under control. Ryan looked
away as he cradled his hand and cursed under his breath.
Damn it, Ryan! Youve really done it, now! Andrew
admonished.
I dont care! Ryan scowled, still nursing his hand. It was
worth it! His stomach turned violently despite his words, however,
and his cavalier attitude didnt fool either Andrew or Sean. He
continued to evade their eyes, and the eyes of his other friends.
Instead, he looked back at Danny and the two brothers locked eyes.
This was a moment they knew they would have to pay for.
What in the blue blazes is going on out here? Steves
bedroom door opened and he stepped out, peering down into the
common room from the railing above.
Whats going on is, your smart ass younger brothers just
attacked me! Gregg returned hotly.
Steve felt the blood drain from his face, and he shifted his
gaze to Danny and Ryan. Reluctantly, they looked up to meet his
eyes. Is that true? Steve demanded.
Both of his brothers swallowed, unable to answer right away,
and Sean took pity on them. They were provoked, Steve!
Thats the understatement of the year! Jesse growled as he
too found his voice.
Yes, they were provoked!
Its not fair!
Mcarthy should learn to mind his own fucking business!
Similar cries of protest and a few in support of Greggs point of
view were raised throughout the room, but Steve ignored them all,
staring stonily down at his brothers.
IS- IT- true? he asked again.
Yes, Ryan finally managed in a tiny voice, and both he and
Danny hung their heads to avoid Steves scolding eyes.
All right, then, we will have to talk about this later! In the
32

meantime, if you cannot control your tempers, it will be best for you
to stay away from other people. Both of you get upstairs, now!
Steve . . ., Ryan protested.
Now! Steve barked and tears stung Ryans eyes as both he
and Danny beat a hasty retreat for the stairs. The house shook as
one after the other they slammed their bedroom doors, and Steve
closed his eyes. It was going to be a long night. Without another
word, he turned quietly back into his room, shutting the door softly,
and leaving the rest of the stunned fraternity members to sort things
out for themselves.

33

File Four
The Plea
"A faithful friend is a strong defense; And he that hath
found him hath found a treasure."
-Louisa May Alcott
The remainder of the afternoon passed in heavy silence,
broken only by the whispered conversations of the sophomores,
juniors, and seniors. The freshmen came and went, never staying for
long, repelled by the eerie atmosphere, and determined to avoid it
until the mandatory meeting later that night.
Ryan, Danny, and Steve all remained in their rooms. Ryan
and Danny would talk to no one, not even Jesse and Sean, and as
nine oclock rolled around their friends felt compelled to seek
Steves assistance. They stood in front of the presidents door now,
and Sean knocked softly. Jesse glanced at him, uncomfortably.
Aside from Steves younger brothers and his friends, fraternity
members normally visited the president in his room for one reason
and one reason only. Sean too seemed nervous as Steve opened the
door and regarded them silently. Theyre not coming out, Sean
informed him quietly. We thought you should know. Steve sighed
and stepped aside to let his brothers friends in.
He motioned to the bed, inviting them to sit down, but with
nervous glances towards the door just to the beds left, they shook
their heads, and chose to remain standing. Steve raised his
eyebrows at them, smirking at their silliness. A moment later,
however, he fixed them with his most serious expression and
inquired, What happened out there, today? Sean glanced at Jesse.
Jesse shifted his weight and looked at the floor, and neither of them
spoke. I need to know, guys, Steve encouraged gently after a
minute.
Sean shrugged. Gregg was goading them, he finally
responded.
Yeah, well, that, I got! Steve returned sarcastically. But
thats nothing new. What was it about this time?
Kevin, Jesse responded sourly.
34

What else would push them over the edge like that? Sean
demanded.
Steve nodded as the pieces of the puzzle began to come
together. Go on, he encouraged Sean and Jesse calmly. How did
it concern Kevin? Sean glanced at Jesse as he continued, and Jesse
shifted uncomfortably again. This room brought back bad memories,
and he just wanted out as quickly as possible.
Well, Kevin has apparently gotten it into his head somehow
that tonights meeting is a surprise party for his birthday. Steve
paled as Sean continued. Danny had just come to the realization
that Kevin had this idea, and we were all trying to cheer him up. He
was informing Jesse of the situation when Gregg picked up on the
conversation, and after baiting Ryan and Danny for a considerable
period of time, he finally alerted the whole common room to
Kevins predicament. Thats when they lost it, Sean finished
quietly.
I see, Steve replied, turning away and doing his best to
mask his emotion. So, what youre telling me is that Kevin thinks
we are throwing him a surprise party tonight, and that now, due to
careless conversation and Gregg Mcarthys mean streak, the whole
house knows thats what he thinks. Did I get it right?
Sean and Jesse looked down, guiltily. The rebuke concerning
their careless conversation had not been lost on either of them.
That about sums it up I guess, Jesse replied sullenly.
Christ almighty, this is going to be just as bad as last year,
Steve thought. All right guys, he sighed after a minute, thanks
for telling me. Its good to have the whole picture. He still wasnt
looking at his brothers friends and Jesse and Sean traded glances.
You wont be too hard on them, will you? Sean whispered,
and Steve finally turned to look at him. I mean about this
afternoon? he clarified, unable to read Steves expression.
A long minute went by as Steve collected his thoughts and
emotions, but finally he looked once more at Ryans friend. Im
going to do my best to be fair, Sean, he answered gently. Then, as
he looked at Jesses taut face he assured, I am not going to do
anything about it tonight. Tonight is going to be hard enough
without that. They were still eyeing him disconsolately, and
resignedly Steve added, I will try to wait until the after effects of
this whole thing blow over, but I cant promise more than that.
35

Sean bit his lip and looked away and Jesse looked quickly at the
floor again.
Steve waited a moment for them to gather their emotions,
and then spoke again softly, but firmly. Go on now, he urged, and
let me talk to them. Jesse and Sean didnt look at him and Steve
waited patiently. This is not your fault, guys, he said. Nothing
you said just now has influenced in the least my thoughts about this
afternoon. Nor is there anything you could have said to change my
mind. Again Jesse and Sean were silent, and finally Steve urged
them more firmly. Go on. Dont you each have things you need to
do? They nodded glumly, and Steve opened the door. Silently,
Danny and Ryans best friends turned to leave, and Steve watched
them go. His brothers had both been wise in their choice of friends,
he reflected. It would be hard to find anybody more loyal than those
two.

36

File Five
The Meeting
"We are all in the same boat, in a stormy sea, and we owe
each other a terrible loyalty."
-G.K. Chesterton
Those things that hurt, instruct.
-Benjamin Franklin
Even for Steve, coaxing his brothers out of their rooms
turned out to be no easy matter, and it was not with gentle
persuasion, but with commanding authority that the task was
ultimately accomplished. He went to the younger of the two first,
anticipating a tougher battle in that quarter. His expectations were
not disappointed. Dan, it is your duty! he asserted through the
closed door. Just as it was Ryans last year! Its going to happen,
Man, whether you like it or not. Kevin will take it best with you
beside him to support and encourage him. Do not deprive him of
that.
Finally, Danny opened the door. Hed clearly been crying;
his eyes were puffy and his face tear streaked. Steve looked at him
quietly for a moment and then stepped into the bedroom, shutting
the door behind him as Danny went completely to pieces again.
Youre going to have to try and pull it together, Danny. Its almost
time. Sean is rallying the troops. Jesse is instructing the freshmen.
You need to be there for Kevin, Man. As hard as it is, thats your
role.
Hes not going to see it as support! Danny choked. Hes
going to blame me!
Maybe at first, Steve acknowledged gently, but he will
eventually come to see that this is bigger than you and him, that its
a tradition, and a good one at that. Steve waited, but when Danny
did not seem to calm down he added, You know he has it coming,
Dan, and regardless of how he takes it, it is your duty to be there
37

with him. Let him lash out at you. These are hard lessons to learn,
and thats what big brothers are for. It will make you closer in the
end, he promised quietly. Trust me.
Why couldnt we move the meeting? Danny sobbed.
Weve been through that, Dan, a hundred times. Steve did
his best to remain patient as his second youngest brother raised this
tired subject for what seemed like the millionth time this week.
Well, its not fair! Danny seethed.
We looked for a better time, Danny, Steve reminded
gently, and there wasnt one.
Danny seemed at a loss. He knew what his oldest brother
was saying was true. He just hated this. Did you fix things with
Ryan? he inquired brokenly, at last.
Thats where Im headed next, Steve replied softly. You
guys really put me in a bad spot this afternoon.
I know, Danny returned ruefully. Im sorry. Everything
just happened so quickly.
Well, Steve returned in the same soothing tone, whats
done is done. We will have to deal with it, but not tonight. Tonight,
we all need to be there for Kevin, ok? Danny nodded, but he was
too broken up to respond and Steve left him in peace to collect
himself as he moved on to Ryan.
That had been nearly forty-five minutes ago now, and Danny
had rallied tolerably. At least he was no longer crying. He had
washed his face, rubbing his eyes hard to try and erase the redness
and puffiness and only succeeding in making them redder. Finally,
he gave up and made his way downstairs. Now, he sat sullenly
between Ryan and Jesse on the couch, not talking to either of them
and avoiding everybodys eyes as people threw curious glances his
way. In his lap, lay the heavy ceremonial fraternity paddle of which
he was now the keeper. He ran his fingers over the engraved names,
nervously. His own, at the moment, was last, to be followed shortly
by Kevins, and he tried to forget how painful every smack had
been, the shock he had felt, the betrayal, and how he was about to
pass those feelings on to his little brother. This was harder than he
had ever imagined it could be.
The newly aware freshmen sat in shocked silence on the
other side of the room with the sophomores, their big brothers,
hovering nearby. The juniors and seniors were scattered about the
38

room. Some of them talked amongst themselves in low voices, and

the atmosphere was once again clearly divided between those who
couldnt wait to see the cocky freshman get his just desserts, and
those who acknowledged the necessity of the act, but were fond of
Kevin and dreading the night ahead.
Steve, meanwhile, was upstairs, having one more cigarette
on the balcony off his private room. He too was having a difficult
time. This was going to be hard, harder than even he had imagined.
He crushed out the cigarette with his foot. Hed put on a brave
enough face for Danny and Ryans benefit, but could he maintain it?
He wondered. That kid had really gotten under his skin too, and
tonight he would have traded his private room to anybody just to
avoid doing what it was his duty to do. He leaned on the rail and
looked out into the night sky. He didnt think he could go back in
until it was really time.
Ten oclock came and went, and then ten fifteen. Now, it
was twenty after ten, and Ryan looked at Danny, nervously. Youre
sure hes coming?
Danny shrugged. He said he would, he responded
agitatedly.
Danny, you know what will happen if he doesnt show in
the next half hour.
I know, Ryan, Danny replied, feeling queasy. He said
hed be here, though. Hell come.
I hope so, Ryan returned, his stomach flipping as he
thought about last years meeting. His own little brother had paid a
severe price for antics similar to those that had Kevin in hot water
this year. Now, if Kevin didnt show, Danny would be in trouble
again. It was his responsibility to see that Kevin attended tonight. If
he failed in this duty to produce his little brother, not only would he
stand in Kevins stead tonight, but the meeting would be
rescheduled, and Kevin would still be forced to face his own
inquisition at a later date. Dannys sacrifice would therefore not
benefit his little brother at all. Ryans brow puckered.
I didnt tip him off, Danny whispered, reading his
thoughts. I promise.
I know, Ryan met his eyes but his tone lacked conviction.
At least I wouldnt blame you this time, Danny rejoined in
a small voice, clutching the paddle tighter. Ryan regarded him
39

silently for another moment, and then placed an arm over his little
brothers shoulders. He knew exactly what Danny was going
through. Another ten minutes went by before they finally heard the
creek of the door, and then voices coming down the hall. Three of
those voices were identifiable as Jamess, Alexs, and Kevins, and
Ryan and Danny both breathed a sigh of relief. The three boys
sounded drunk, but not as drunk as Danny had been afraid theyd be.
The next moment, however, horror struck Dannys heart as he heard
a female giggle and then a voice that was clearly not male. The
three freshmen were bringing girls into a restricted meeting when
they, along with everyone else, had been explicitly warned not to.
Ryan looked quickly at Danny, his eyes reflecting all the
panic Danny was feeling. He didnt! Ryan hissed.
Danny shrugged. Apparently, he did, he acknowledged
wearily.
Ryan and Danny were both paralyzed, now, by the feeling of
dread that had overtaken them, but Jesse was not rendered quite as
immobile. Here! Give that thing to me, he indicated the paddle
and Danny handed it to him. Jesse lifted the blanket hanging over
the back of the couch and stowed it just as the door opened and the
seven students stumbled in. Four girls had accompanied the young
fraternity members back to their house. Three of them were
freshmen, but one was a sophomore, and Dannys lip curled as he
recognized her.
The room, which had been quiet before, now fell completely
silent as everyone stared at the newcomers. Well, this is a rousing
party, quipped James.
Theyre probably just waiting for the guest of honor to
arrive, one of the girls tittered. Kevin and Alex were staring in
shock at the faces around them, some of them horrified, and others
trying to contain their amusement. At last, Kevins eyes found first
Ryans and then Dannys, and he felt stung by the silent rebuke he
saw there. He felt all of a sudden that he had broken some major
taboo. He knew girls werent supposed to be here tonight, but it was
his birthday, his party, wasnt it? He was no longer sure as he passed
his eyes over the room once more.
Kevin! Danny was on his feet now, and his sharp
admonishment finally brought Kevins eyes back to those of his big
brother. His stomach lurched as he saw the anger and the . . . was
40

that fear in Dannys expression? You know youre not supposed to

have girls in here tonight! Youve been told several times!
I know, Danny! But its my party . . . I just thought . . . .
Get rid of them! Danny snapped, cutting him off. Ryan
stood too, now, next to Danny, eyeing Kevin sharply, and silently
reinforcing Dannys command.
Now, now, lets not be so hasty, Gregg Mcarthy spoke up,
his voice oozing with mirth. If the birthday boy wants to have girls
at his party, I think we should consider making an exception.
Absolutely! The sentiment was echoed with relish by some
of Greggs friends and his maddening smirk became even larger.
No! Ryan and Danny responded as one.
Kevin, Gregg turned to him, you see how they treat you?
Still like a little kid. I know theyre your big brothers, but they dont
seem to want you to have any fun tonight do they? Even though this
weekend is your one chance to celebrate your birthday. I think
theyre being very mean!
Shut your fat hole, Mcarthy! Jesse snapped.
Tsk, tsk, Kinkaid. Is there really a need for such hostility
on this very special day? The malicious glint in Greggs eyes
deepened as Jesse glared at him, and Kevin looked again, confused,
at Ryan and Danny. Why were they being like this? They had never
been such sticklers for the rules before, and why was their arch
nemesis now defending him? Everything was upside down. On top
of it all, he was definitely buzzed, which made it even harder to
make sense of the situation. He pressed his hand to his head.
Im sorry, girls, Ryan ignored Gregg and tried addressing
the four females. This is a closed fraternity meeting, so Im afraid
youre going to have to go.
Not until Kevin tells us to, one of them responded with a
giggle, clinging to Kevin and pressing up against him. She was a
pretty, little brunette with curves, and Ryan cursed under his breath.
They had to get the girls out before Steve came down. Danny too
had had enough. He strode over and took Kevin hard by the arm,
dragging him to the back of the room where the pool table stood.
Hey! Alex and James reacted, coming out of their drunken
stupor and trying to follow their friend. Ryan and Jesse blocked
their way, and Patrick, who was also close at hand, stepped up to
take hold of Alex, hauling him back. Alex was his little brother.
41

Leave it! Patrick instructed.

Let me go, Pat! Alex struggled briefly with him, but was
unable to break free.
You do not want to ally yourself with Kevin right now,
Man! Let it go!
What the hell are you talking about? Alex replied
indignantly. I am allied with him! Hes my best friend.
All the same, Patrick tightened his grip as Alex renewed
his struggles, the best thing you can do for him right now is leave
him alone and let Danny handle it!
I dont understand! Alex protested.
I know you dont, Pat replied in a gentler tone as his little
brother yielded unwillingly, but you have to trust me. With that he
pulled Alex further back against the wall, keeping a tight hold on
him as Alex looked sorrowfully at his friend.
A similar conversation was taking place between James and
Jesse. James was Jesses little brother, and James was not any
happier than Alex was to see his friend dragged off by an arm in
front of a roomful of people. Gregg and his friends on the other
hand were clearly enjoying themselves as they stared across the
room at Danny and Kevin who were now in heated conversation.
You have no idea the situation youre putting yourself in!
Danny fumed. You have to tell the girls to go!
You are not the boss of me!
Right now, Little Man, I most certainly am! Kevin looked
like hed been slapped and tears sprang to his eyes. Danny saw
them and his heart wrenched. He loosened his grip and softened his
tone. Kevbo, you do not want them here, right now. Not tonight.
Trust me on this, please. Kevin looked away and swiped at his tears
as they started to streak his face.
At that moment, they heard a door shut on the landing
upstairs, and an instant later Steve peered over the railing into the
open common room. He narrowed his eyes when he saw the girls,
and Ryan and Danny looked up at him, pleadingly. He returned the
stares of the two younger members he had come to regard as fondly
as if they really were his own brothers, and he swore under his
breath. Shit! What was that little punk thinking? He finally broke
eye contact with Danny and Ryan, and took in the rest of the room:
Greggs smirking face, Jesse and Pat as they tried to keep James and
42

Alex calm and under control, the terrified freshmen, the divided
seniors and juniors. It was his job to bring them all back together
again, to lay down the law as justly as possible. Now, as he looked
at Kevin, still restrained by Danny, he hated his job more than ever.
Whats going on, here? he inquired for the second time that day as
he finished surveying the scene.
Gregg was the first to answer, almost gleefully. Well, as you
can see, Steve, he began, our young friend, here, decided to bring
us some female companionship. As he was celebrating his birthday,
it seems, he didnt feel the rules applied to him, and I was just
saying that I thought he was perfectly right, and as he was so hell
bent on having them here, the girls should be allowed to stay.
Steve, Danny whispered urgently, please! Steve paused
and looked at Ryan.
It wouldnt be fair, Steve! You know it wouldnt! Ryan
added his own beseeching plea to Dannys.
Still, Steve remained quiet, looking over the room once
more. His lip curled as his eyes rested on Greggs simpering face.
I understand your concern, Ryan, he replied at last, but rules have
been broken. Steves nauseous feeling increased as both Danny and
Ryan turned a pasty white. I have half a mind to entertain Greggs
suggestion. No I dont, he thought to himself as Ryan and Danny
turned pastier still. Kevin, he continued, I know you have no real
understanding yet of the situation you are in. I also know for a fact,
however, that you were advised against bringing girls tonight,
several times. I, myself, cautioned you more than once, and I also
heard Ryan and Danny expressly forbid you. You have, therefore,
unquestionably disobeyed, and your disobedience shall have to be
dealt with. Steve paused for dramatic affect and looked around.
His eyes settled once again on Greggs elated expression.
Steve please . . .! The voices of his younger brothers
reached his ears, but he kept his eyes on Greggs face, feeling smug
as his next statement took the wind out of his adversarys sails.
We shall deal with the matter internally, however. I see no
reason to put the girls in a position to witness the goings on of a
private fraternity meeting. Kevin had no way of knowing how
serious the transgression was, and therefore it would be unjust to put
either him or the girls in that situation.
But Steve . . ., Gregg protested.
43

That is my final word, Steve cut him off. Kevin, say

goodnight to the girls and show them to the door, please!
Gregg glowered unhappily. There were others who were
clearly disappointed too, but to them it was just a missed
opportunity to add to the drama. It was only Gregg and his band of
reprobates who seemed to take Steves decision as a personal
offense, and now they fell to whispering amongst themselves as they
continued to scowl in Kevin, Danny, and Ryans direction.
Kevin and his friends, meanwhile, just stood there
dumbfounded. This was not at all what they had been expecting.
Even when Danny let go of him, Kevin still didnt move. He was
fighting through the alcohol fog that was slowing his comprehension
of the situation. Danny and Ryan watched him sympathetically, but
after a moment, when he still hadnt budged, Danny gave him a little
shove in the girls direction. Go! He whispered harshly. Kevin
looked at Ryan.
Hurry up! Ryan snapped. He and Danny just wanted the
girls out. Only then, would they breathe easier. Only then, could
their empathy for Kevin begin to push out the sharpness created by
their anxiety. Things were bad enough now, if Kevin only knew.
The last thing the poor kid needed was four female witnesses to
tonights events. Besides the obvious humiliating factors, girls had
notoriously big mouths. It would be all over campus before dawn.
Alex and James had, by this time, been manhandled into
opposite corners by Patrick and Jesse, and now they stood helplessly
watching their friend as Kevin miserably made his way over to their
guests. Steve had, during this time, been making his way down the
stairs, and now he stood at the bottom in the doorway of the
common room, watching with everyone else as Kevin said his goodbyes. Ryan and Danny sought his eyes, but he did not look at them,
knowing he could not appear to be too sympathetic. His heart
ached, all the same, as he watched the youngest of their quartet.
Sorry, Kevin managed in a low voice to the little brunette
who appeared to be the ringleader of the girls. I dont really
understand whats happening here, but I guess you girls are going to
have to go.
Thats all right, Sweetie, she gave him a quick peck on the
cheek. Well see you tomorrow. Besides, she continued in a
louder voice for the benefit of all, it feels more like a tomb in here
44

than a party! If you guys ever have the notion to see what a real
party is like, come to one of ours some time.
We do go to yours, Beth! All the time! Danny could
contain himself no longer. He knew the girl well, and she was
nothing but trouble.
Well then, Beth batted her eyes in his direction and smiled,
its a shame you havent learned anything.
Get out! Danny bellowed, and Ryan put a hand on his
arm.
Sooo serious tonight, Beth drawled with another flirtatious
bat of her eyelids and the other girls giggled. Whats wrong with
you all? Why are you so gloomy?
That is none of your business, Steve interjected before
Danny could respond. This is a closed fraternity gathering as
Kevin, James, and Alex well knew before they brought you here
tonight. They broke the rules. Dont add to their guilt by
prolonging your departure. We are respectful of your sorority and
would never presume to interrupt a meeting that we were informed
was closed. Beth looked taken aback and finally a little rattled.
Steve had a good reputation within the college community as a
whole. He was known among the other house leaders for being fair
and respectful. Nobody questioned his authority.
Im sorry, Steve, Beth replied at last. We didnt know.
I know you didnt, Steve responded, but now the situation
has been explained to you, so please leave.
Come on, girls. Beth squeezed Kevins hand, and then
turned towards the door, the other three girls trailing after her. Ryan
and Danny each breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind
them.
Kevin was mad now, though, and they didnt have much of a
respite as he turned on them. What in the hell was that? Are you
trying to completely ruin my weekend? If so, youre doing an
excellent job! This is what I left the party for? Youre all about as
lively as a bunch of pall bearers carrying a casket in a funeral
parade. You must be on crack if you think Im going to stick around
here. This is fucking bullshit!
All right, Kevin! That is enough! Steve rebuked. You
will not address your brothers in that tone! They were trying to
protect you!
45

Like hell they were! The outburst came not from Kevin,
but from James who was still standing in the back corner where he
had been dragged by Jesse.
Protect me from what? Kevin sulked as he continued to
glare at Ryan and Danny.
You have a lot to learn tonight, Little Brother, Steve went
on, ignoring both James outburst and Kevins question. Before the
night is over, you will learn to talk to your brothers respectfully; you
will learn to shut your mouth when they are trying to advise
you . . . .
James snorted, Why should he listen to them?
All theyve done is lie! Alex agreed, but he closed his
mouth quickly as Pat glared at him.
You will, in fact, learn, Steve continued as he moved
further into the room and away from the door, to respect this
fraternity as a whole, and abide by the rules and traditions it
upholds. Right now, Kev, you and I are going to have a little talk
about the importance of following directions. Come here!
What?? What the hell is this shit? Are you serious? James
drunken state made him somewhat irrational, and a ripple of
apprehension surfaced among the older students as he openly
challenged Steve.
James . . ., Jesse whispered in an urgent attempt to calm
him.
No, Jess! James turned on his big brother. You told him
this was a party for fucks sake! What the hell is going on?
Shut up! Jesse spat. You are going to make it worse!
Worse? How could it be worse?
Keep pushing and youre going to find out!
Is that a threat?
Jesse softened his manner a little and responded in a gentler
tone. No, Man. Its not a threat. Its an unavoidable fact. Just calm
down . . . .
Calm down! You want him to calm down? Alex made a
threatening move towards Jesse, but Patrick intercepted him. Do
you think were just going to roll over while our best friend gets
scolded like a dog in front of everybody? On the weekend before his
birthday, no less? Oh no! The hell with this! Come on, Kev, were
out of here. Alex started for the door, but Patrick yanked him back,
46

and, taking him by the shirt collar, shoved him against the wall.
You are going nowhere! he directed. This is not about
you, and it is not up to you to interfere! Alex gaped at his big
brother, silenced by his forcefulness.
Kevin too looked dismayed. Steve had never addressed him
so sharply in front of others before. As rattled as he was, however,
he responded to Steves command. He had never yet disobeyed a
direct order from his oldest brother, and now he made his way on
shaky legs to stand before the president of the fraternity.
Steve rarely ever got angry with his brothers, but when he
did, the scolding that followed was unbearable. The couple of times
Steve had called Kevin to his room for a lecture, his youngest
brother had cried for hours afterwards. Only Danny and Ryan had
been aware of those occasions and Kevin had leaned heavily on
them. They had been subjected many times to similar reprimands.
As the younger brothers of the president, it was the special privilege
they were all entitled to. Now, it was not the fear of Steves anger
that affected Kevin as he looked into his oldest brothers eyes, it was
the dread of his disappointment. We need to have a long talk
tonight, Kev, Steve spoke softly, and Kevin hung his head.
Where is it? Steve turned to Danny with the same paternal
air. Danny hesitated as he regarded his chastened little brother, and
he swallowed hard as memories of last year rushed back on him.
Steves demeanor, however, was one of no-nonsense and Danny
dared not disobey. Resignedly, he approached the couch, and
keeping his eyes on Kevin, he raised the blanket and produced the
paddle, picking it up and clutching it tightly. Kevin was looking at
him now, and at the sight of the paddle terror filled his eyes. Steve
took hold of Kevins arm, anticipating his youngest brothers desire
to run. Bring it here, he commanded Danny firmly. Danny,
however, was paralyzed by the look on his little brothers face, and
he remained where he was as Kevins friends reacted.
No! No! Oh my God, No! Alex pushed to get past Patrick,
but Patrick kept him pinned against the wall and Alex turned
resentful eyes on Danny. How could you do this? he screamed.
Youre his brother!
Youre a no good traitor! James raged, nearly knocking
Jesse over. Jesse, however, had the ultimate strength advantage this
time and he hauled James back, gripping him by both his arms. Let
47

me go, Jess! Let me go! Ill kill you! he shouted at Danny and
Ryan. Ill kill you both!
Thats enough! Jesse admonished him. Let it go!
No! Its not fair, Jess! James continued to struggle. Its
not fair! They told him this was a party!
They never told him that, James!
Yes, they did! his little brother persisted stubbornly.
No! Kevin came to that conclusion all on his own!
Well they sure as hell didnt deny it!
They were not in a position to! Jesse snapped as he lost
what was left of his patience.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? James demanded.
They totally set him up! God, he choked, they let him walk right
into this!
They didnt have a choice! Jesse snarled. You have no
idea what youre talking about, James! If you knew the first thing
about what Danny and Ryan went through today, you would shut
your mouth right now!
I dont give a rats fuck what they went through today!
James struggled once more to break free.
Drop it, James! I mean it!
James, however, was done listening and he lowered his head,
driving Jesse nearly into the far wall before Jesse managed to get
him in a headlock. James spun around in an effort to free himself,
but Jesse was in control now, and tears of frustration began to streak
his little brothers face. Do it! Jesse cried, facing Steve, and
keeping James locked soundly in his vice like grip.
Steve nodded and prompted his younger brother once more,
Lets go, Dan! Danny swallowed hard again as he fought to
control his emotions, but finally he obeyed. He approached Steve
almost as apprehensively as Kevin had and held out the dreaded
implement. Steve took it determinedly, meeting Dannys eyes as he
did so in an effort to reassure him. Danny hung his head, and Ryan
came quietly up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Gripping the paddle resolutely, Steve returned his attention
to Kevin. Kev, he addressed him sternly, your lack of discipline
is astonishing! Your shoddy effort, your arrogance, your obnoxious
behavior and your unwillingness to accept advice or guidance even
from those who have been where you are and know better has been a
48

continual problem!
Ryan put his arm around Danny and Danny leaned closer.
Both Kevins brothers knew how hard it was to face a scolding from
Steve even in the privacy of their own rooms. Steves soft spoken
and pointed rebukes did more to communicate his disappointment
than the harsher words and more severe tone of any number of the
other house leaders, and because all his little brothers looked up to
him, his disappointment was devastating to them. Now, Danny and
Ryan sought solace from one another, feeling helpless as Steve
tongue lashed their younger brother.
Steve took in Danny and Ryans pale faces and shrinking
demeanor with a sinking heart, but he did not stop the dressing
down. You are truly incorrigible, Kevin! he chastised. I really do
not think Ive ever seen anything like your cockiness or
stubbornness!
I have, an unknown voice goaded from somewhere
amongst the scattered seniors, and a few of the older students
snickered. Steve dropped his chin to his chest, smiling just a little as
the familiar tones reached his ears. How he had missed the owner
of that voice, he thought wistfully. He pinched the bridge of his
nose, taking a deep breath as his throat tightened. At last, forcing
down his emotions, he looked at his little brother once more.
What time were you supposed to be home tonight, Kev? he
inquired.
Steve please, Im sorry! Kevin tried to pull away, but Steve
held him fast and Kevin looked instinctively at Danny as panic
overtook him.
I did not ask if you were sorry, Kevin. I asked what time
you were supposed to be here. Kevin was still desperately seeking
Danny's eyes, and Ryan nudged his brother. Danny looked up in an
effort to meet Kevins gaze, but the expression of shocked betrayal
on his little brothers face was too much for him, and he looked
down again as tears began to streak his face. Ryan squeezed his
shoulder as Kevin looked back at his oldest brother and swallowed
hard, using all his concentration, now, in an effort not to cry.
Im waiting, Steve looked sternly into his eyes.
Steve, please, Kevin pleaded, struggling a little once more
as reality penetrated his initial feeling of shock. Please dont do
this!
49

Steve regarded him silently for another moment, and then he

let him go and said quietly, Tell me, Kev, do you think you deserve
to be punished? Kevin was taken off guard as he stood rubbing his
arm. He felt confused and didnt know what to say, so he remained
silent. Listen to me very carefully, Kevin, Steve continued after a
minute. If you truly feel that this punishment is undeserved, if you
agree with your friends that you are being treated unfairly, you do
have a choice, and the choice is this: You may choose right now to
go upstairs to your bedroom, pack all the belongings you have, and
be ready to leave the house first thing in the morning. If you make
that choice, you will no longer be a member of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh),
and after I talk to Coach about your behavior and your grades, you
will no longer be on the football team, either. The choice is yours to
make.
Do it, Kev! James prodded from his powerless position.
Ill go with you! Who needs this shit, anyway?
Me too, Kevin! Alex added, disregarding Patricks
scathing glare of disapproval.
The rest of the room waited breathlessly as Kevin struggled
with his emotions. The decision was not as easy for him as it was for
his friends. Neither James nor Alex was a starter on the team yet,
nor were they on scholarship as Kevin was. Danny covered his face
and Ryan squeezed his shoulder even tighter. Finally, Kevin looked
back at Steve and in a voice so tiny not even Steve heard him, he
said, Ten oclock.
What? Steve prompted gently.
Ten oclock, Kevin choked. I was supposed to be here at
ten oclock. His voice was still not very loud, but Ryan, Steve, and
Danny all heard him. Danny pressed his fingers hard into his eyes,
and Ryan and Steve regarded their little brother with pride. The kid
did have guts, as Danny was always telling them.
Thats right, Steve reproached him, sounding more
relieved than anything. You were supposed to be home at ten. You
were almost forty minutes late, Kevin! Come here, he gently took
hold of Kevins arm once again, and drew him forward.
No! Fuck you! You let him go! With one desperate pull
James ripped himself from Jesses grasp, taking everybody off guard
as he lunged at Steve. Danny and Ryan had just enough time to step
in front of their oldest brother, taking the brunt of the assault, and
50

falling backwards as James knocked them off balance. James fell

on top of them, and blindly he let his fist fly as Ryan and Danny
both tried to protect their face. A moment later, James was dragged
to his feet by Jesse and Sean.
Take him out! Steve ordered as he dropped to his knees by
his younger brothers.
Sean and Jesse hauled the fighting freshman towards the
backdoor, and Patrick followed with Alex. He had his little brother
well in hand for the time being, but after the scene James had just
made, he wasnt taking any chances. A shocked silence settled over
the room as the screen door at the back of the room slammed shut,
and one of the juniors got up to close the heavy wooden door behind
them.

51

File Six
The Questions and Answers
True friends, like ivy and the wall, both stand together,
and together fall.
-Thomas Carlyle
Let me go! Let me go! James was still battling Jesse and
Sean, and as the door closed behind them, they finally released him.
Kevin is about to get licked in front of the whole fraternity,
Man! Jesse admonished. You want to be up there with him? Is
that what youre trying to accomplish?
Maybe I dont necessarily want to be, yelled James, but I
should be! Im just as guilty as he is!
Alex pushed roughly at Patrick, twisting resentfully away
from him. Pat let him go.
Have you guys got this, then? Sean asked. I want to
make sure Danny and Ryan are ok.
Oh yeah, weve got it all right! Jesse retorted, and Sean
turned to go back in as Jesse grabbed James roughly by his arm
again. Come with me! He yanked his little brother down the hill
towards the woods behind the house. Alex started to follow, but
Patrick pulled him back.
Oww, Jess! What are you doing? Oww! Youre hurting
me!
Jesse stopped at the edge of the woods, and took his army
knife from his pocket. Take your pants down! he commanded.
What? James gaped at him. Why?
Well, Jesse replied coolly, as he reached up to the nearest
tree and cut himself a thick switch, I could stand here and tell you
that youre not as guilty as Kevin is because you at least are passing
your classes, because you at least until tonight have been listening to
me and respecting my advice, and because you are not letting
football go so far to your head that you forget about everything else
in life! All of this is true, he continued as he stripped the switch of
52

its twigs, leaves, and bark until it was green and supple, but it
wont stop you from feeling like you belong up there with him. So,
I am going to give you the barest glimpse of what Kevin is about to
go through, and then if you still want to play the hero, I wont stop
you! Didnt I tell you to take your pants down?
Jess . . . .
Come on, Big Man, youve earned this tonight! Lets go!
Jesses voice was so commanding that James didnt dare disobey,
and with trembling hands he unsnapped his jeans, unzipped them,
and pulled them to his knees. And your underwear! Jesse
pressed. James chewed his lip, fighting back tears as he once again
complied.
What is he doing? Alex protested, watching the scene
below in wide-eyed disbelief.
Patrick was sitting on the hill now, and he took Alexs arm
and pulled him down beside him. Stay out of it, or Ill do the same
to you! he cautioned.
Bend over! Jesse ordered his little brother.
Jesse, please! James stammered.
Come on, James! I thought you wanted to share Kevins
punishment!
I dont want to! I just know I deserve to!
Well, if youre so sure you deserve it, wed better do
something to ease your conscience! Bend over! Finally James
acquiesced, presenting his naked bottom for punishment as silent
tears began to streak his face.
Oww! he yelped as the switch cut him for the first time.
Oww! Oww! Oww! he shrieked as Jesse really lit into him. His
big brother was holding nothing back. Damn Jess! Im sorry!
James screamed.
Watch your mouth!
Oww! Oww! Ok! Im sorry! Please! Please! He was
gripping his ankles tightly now and sobbing. Oww! Oww! Oww,
Jesse! Oww! OK! Im sorry! Oww! Please! Im sorry!
All right, James! Jesse finally relented. Stand up!
James did so gratefully, his hands going immediately to his bottom
as he tried to rub out the burn. You still want to go up there now?
Keep in mind, thats nothing compared to what Kevins going to
get. James shook his head, too broken up to speak. Good! Then
53

pull up your pants and behave! James nodded and with a final rub
to his burning posterior, he bent stiffly to pull up his underwear and
jeans. He and Jesse then silently walked up the hill towards Patrick
and Alex. James avoided his friends eyes, sitting gingerly on the
hill beside Patrick, drawing his knees to his chest, and hiding his
face for a good cry.
You need this? Jesse offered the switch to Patrick and Pat
hesitated, looking at Alex. His little brothers cheeks were crimson
and he was already fighting tears. He didnt seem likely to cause
any more trouble, so Patrick started to shake his head.
Why not? Alex sobbed, surprising both Jesse and Pat. I
deserve it as much as Kevin and James do, I guess! Im just as guilty
as they are! Pat and Jesse exchanged glances. There was no sense,
they knew, in trying to reason with Alex. They knew exactly how he
was feeling, and without a word, Pat removed the blade of grass he
had been chewing on from his mouth, and took the switch from
Jesse.
He got to his feet, and then put his hand under Alexs elbow.
Lets go, Bud, he encouraged gently, pulling him to his feet. Jesse
sat down next to James, but remained quiet as Patrick drew his little
brother to the side of the house, ordered his pants down, and bent
him over his knee.
The punishment did not last long, but it was effective.
Patrick had a real little brother at home who he had spanked on one
or two occasions in lieu of, telling mom and dad, so the activity
was not a completely foreign one to him. He felt sorry for Alex, but
knew intrinsically that sparing him physical discomfort would do
nothing to ease the true source of his distress. When he finally
brought his little brother back, therefore, Alex sat just as
uncomfortably as his friend, and cried just as bitterly.
Pat sat down quietly next to Jesse, placing the switch on the
ground, and stretching out his legs. They remained silent, letting
their brothers cry, and keeping their thoughts to themselves.
Whyd it have to be so near his birthday? Alex finally
sobbed.
Jesse and Pat were quiet for another moment, but finally
Jesse shrugged. It was convenient, he replied with a tired sigh.
They always do it around this time of the semester.
Always! James blurted brokenly. What the fuck are you
54

talking about, always?

Theres a meeting every year, James, Pat responded in a
placating tone.
Yeah, Jesse affirmed, and it always takes place around
this time because there is so much going on all over campus. All the
activity helps them disguise the meetings true agenda. This year,
Kevins birthday just happened to be one of those things adding to
the activity . . . .
But why? Alex fumed, cutting Jesse off. Why do they
have to lie?
Pat gave Alex a funny look. Well, if it was you, and you
knew, would you come? Would you have come tonight, if you had
known what was going to happen? Neither Alex nor James had an
answer to that.
Besides, Jesse added quietly after a minute, technically
they didnt lie.
Bullshit! James spat as he looked accusingly again at his
brother.
Technically, Jesse went on patiently, Kevin concluded on
his own that tonights meeting was a party. Danny and Ryan could
not dissuade him because they were already afraid he wouldnt
come, and if they told him anything that led him to the truth, they
would have been in serious trouble as well.
Well thats still the same as lying! James returned in
exasperation. Even to let him think tonight was an ordinary,
everyday meeting was a kind of lie. To let him think it was a party
was just mean!
Well, what did you want them to say, James? Patrick
demanded. Have fun at your party, Kev; oh and by the way dont
forget the mandatory meeting at ten oclock where were going to
bend you over in front of the whole fraternity and whack your ass
with a paddle.
Well, something closer to the truth than what he got would
have been nice, Alex defended his friend's point hotly.
Well, youve been told what the situation was, Jesse
returned. You obviously have your feelings on the matter and we
have ours, so lets just drop it. Alex and James were both crying
hard again now, and Pat and Jesse were silent for a while.
Danny didnt want to do it this weekend, Jesse finally
55

spoke again quietly after a few minutes, when James and Alex had
still not shown any signs of calming. He was horrified when he
found out that Kevins birthday fell around this time. The meeting
had already been scheduled, but Danny went to Steve immediately,
and begged him to move it. They looked for a better day, but there
was always one objection or another, and they were really going at it
over the whole thing earlier in the semester. No time seemed like a
good time, and in the end Steve decided the meeting was best where
it was. Danny continued to argue with him after that, but by then
Steve was resolved, and Danny was furious with him.
Yeah, he sure was, Pat sighed. It was an awful
coincidence that Kevins birthday happened to fall around this
weekend. All his brothers felt awful when they realized that was the
case, and certainly no one meant for him to think that tonight was
going to be a party. You cant imagine what Danny and Ryan went
through when they learned that was what Kevin thought.
Well, what was he supposed to think after all that emphasis
they placed on his attendance? James protested brokenly.
That it was a mandatory meeting, Jesse scoffed.
Well, you said they always use the stuff going on around
campus at this time to disguise their true agenda, James
challenged. What does disguise mean, if not lying?
Way to go, Jess, Pat smirked, stretching out on his side,
and placing another blade of grass in his mouth as he prepared to
watch his friend worm his way out of this one.
Well, when I said disguise, I really more meant distract,
Jesse started. With exams, and the end of the season, all the
parties, and . . ., Jesses lip twitched and he glanced at Patrick.
Patrick grinned at him, and Jesse looked quickly away again. And .
. ., he started again with obvious difficulty; Pat laughed. Shut up!
Jesse poked him. Theres just a lot of stuff, ok? There are a lot of
initiation kinds of things happening. All the fraternities and
sororities are having meetings and that keeps the chosen one for
lack of a better phrase distracted, so his ears and eyes dont pick up
things they dont want him to see. It keeps the rest of you rooks busy
too for that matter, but thats all its supposed to do. Its not
supposed to be some elaborate scheme of deception. This is the
second year in a row that the strategy backfired. Pat was smirking
again in an effort to control himself, but he could not help the little
56

chuckle that escaped and Jesse gave him a shove. Shut up, you
idiot! he hissed.
I dont see whats so funny! Alex snapped, and that
brought Pat to his senses. He propped himself on his elbow, and
looked at his little brother who was staring at him with red, swollen
eyes, and he sighed.
Nothing bud, he said. Nothings funny. We all feel terrible
for Kevin.
And nobody, Jesse added, is more empathetic than
Danny. Patrick looked quickly back at his friend, as he bit his lip to
keep from laughing once more. This time Jesse too was fighting the
urge, and he dared not look at Pat.
You asshole, Pat chided with a smirk.
Ok, fine! James rejoined. Why Kevin? Why is he the
chosen one? Jesse and Pat became serious once more and
exchanged glances again. For a moment, neither one of them spoke.
We all knew it would be Kevin, Jesse admitted, finally.
Right from the beginning of the semester, we knew.
Alex and James looked shocked. But how? Alex asked.
Jesse shrugged. Thats just the way it is.
Theoretically, Pat mused, I guess things could play out
differently, but to my knowledge, they never have.
And I doubt they ever will, Jesse added quietly.
What are you talking about? Alex demanded.
Youll know in time, Patrick reassured.
But weve screwed up almost as much as he has, Alex
began to cry again as he thought of his friend. So have a lot of
other people.
Thats true, Pat replied. Thats what this night is all
about, a wake up call for all you newbies. If you guys dont
straighten up fast, I would definitely expect a Summons. Steve
doesnt play around. You may already get one, James, for jumping
Ryan and Danny like that. Thats a big no, no, attacking the
presidents brothers! Steve may let it go because of extenuating
circumstances, but I wouldnt count on it. Im sure Danny and Ryan
will do their best to get you off, but like I said Steve doesnt kid
around, and he has a soft spot where those two are concerned. Hes
probably pretty pissed right now.
Yeah, if I were you, I wouldnt go anywhere near Steve
57

tonight, while hes got that paddle out, Jesse cautioned his little
brother. There was a long silence, but at last Alex looked at Patrick.
Whats a Summons? he asked timidly.
Patrick looked earnestly at his little brother. Its just what it
sounds like, Bro, he replied. If you break a rule, Steve will
summon you to his room for punishment. If the infraction is minor,
you might get off with just a lecture and a stern warning to not do it
again. Most of the time, though, a summons means the paddle.
Alex and James were both quiet for a minute as they tried to absorb
this new and horrifying piece of information, but finally Alex
screwed up his courage and looked at his brother again.
Have you ever been summoned? he asked shyly.
Pat hesitated and looked at Jesse. Yes, he sighed finally.
Alex and James then looked at Jesse, and Jesse nodded.
Does it hurt? James inquired tentatively.
Like a son of a bitch! Jesse replied.
More than the switch?
What? Jesse scoffed. You mean that little tickle we gave
you guys earlier? Thats nothing compared to that fucking paddle!
How many licks did you get? James asked. There was a
long pause.
I got five, Pat answered finally, lying all the way back in
the grass and putting his hands under his head, for coming in
fifteen minutes late to a mandatory meeting. James and Alex paled.
Theyd been nearly forty minutes late tonight. After a minute, Alex
and James looked at Jesse. He leaned back, resting on his elbows,
and chewing his blade of grass.
I got ten once, he shrugged, finally, last year, for cursing
at Matt who was the president then. I spent the day in my room
crying, and I couldnt sit for a week.
How many is Kevin going to get? Alex asked. Jesse and
Pat were silent for a moment.
I dont know, Jesse finally replied softly.
More than ten? James asked tremulously.
Yeah, Bud, more than ten. Jesse and Pat exchanged
glances again, and then Jesse added, Last year Danny must have
gotten at least twenty-five or thirty. I imagine Kevin will get about
the same. Theyre very alike. It was a good match.
Danny got licked last year? James cried in astonishment.
58

The same way? In front of everyone? Alex demanded.

Jesse and Pat smiled mysteriously, but didnt respond.
Oh no! Thats not fair! James protested. You cant clam
up now, just as we might really be getting some answers.
Im sure youll know it all in time, Patrick assured.
Yeah, Jesse smirked. Kevin will undoubtedly tell you
everything even though hes not supposed to.
And when he does, Pat continued seriously, you will be
just as obligated to keep it to yourselves as Jess and I are if you do
not want to make trouble for your friend, and all his brothers. Alex
and James stared at him in amazement, and Jesse and Pat smiled
again.
Everyone finds out eventually of course, Jesse added, but
you have to let them find out in their own time. Be there for Kevin.
Be his friend as always, and make it a practice over the next several
years to forget whatever he tells you about certain things. It will not
be hard by that time for you to recognize what those things are . . . .
Spilling secrets are we? The voice, assuming a tone of
mock severity, came from behind them, and startled them all.
No! Jesse replied irritably as he looked up into his big
brothers grinning face.
Oh, well that's a relief! Sean continued his teasing tone.
Otherwise Andy and I would know it all by now.
Andrew had come out with Sean and he smiled too. Truly,
that was a near miss!
Oh shut up! Pat too responded testily, pricked by his
brothers sarcasm. As if anybody, but you guys would be coming
out here tonight.
You never know, Andy cautioned more seriously as he and
Sean joined the little group lounging on the grass. You guys want
to be a little more careful, where and how loud youre talking about
this stuff.
We didnt even tell them anything! Jesse protested
defensively.
All the same, Sean advised, Andys right. Just be
careful. Pat and Jesse both scowled as they were reprimanded, and
Sean went on in a gentler tone. We really didnt come out here to
pick at you, he said.
No that was just a bonus, Andy teased.
59

We actually came out to find out how these guys were

doing, Sean indicated Alex and James, and the two youngest
fraternity members shifted uneasily.
Yeah, that was quite a performance in there, Andrew
inserted.
They certainly did give the two of you a run for your
money, Sean joked, smiling fondly at Pat and Jesse. Ill warrant
you didnt give us quite as much trouble last year. His eyes fell on
the switch and he traded amused glances with Andrew before
turning to address his little brother. Keeping the tradition up, I see,
he quipped.
Jesse flushed. They were just asking us how much the
paddle hurt, he said to change the subject. Andrew and Sean
became instantly more serious and regarded each other silently for a
moment.
Well, James old pal, Sean said finally, Im very much
afraid youre going to get a chance to find out for yourself.
Thats what we told him, Jesse replied quietly.
Dont worry, Bro, Sean soothed as the color drained from
James face, it wont be that bad. Jess will go with you. Itll be
just you, him, and Steve. I dont expect youll get more than ten.
This news seemed to have the opposite effect from that which Sean
had intended as James hugged his knees and hid his face, and Sean
looked at his little brother inquiringly.
I told him about the time I got ten last year, Jesse
explained dismally.
Oh, I see, Sean replied, looking at Andrew for help.
Andrew didnt know what to say either though, and an awkward
silence descended.
How are Danny and Ryan? Patrick asked finally, and
James began to cry harder.
Theyre going to make it, Andrew replied softly, as Sean
moved in next to James, and put his arm around him.
Hey, Bud, he murmured, its all right. They dont blame
you. Steves a little perturbed, but hell get over it. James just
turned his face into Seans shoulder, really letting go as the full
weight of his predicament settled upon him. Sean tightened his arm
and let him cry.
What about Kevin? Alex finally asked in a tiny voice.
60

Andy and Sean traded another glance that was much more sober this
time.
Hes hanging in there, Andy whispered, but hes taking
one hell of a licking! Theres no doubt about that. Alex blanched,
and Patrick sat up and put an arm around him.
Andy met Seans eyes once more, and Sean bit his lip as
Alex pressed his fingers desperately to his eyes and then gave up,
hiding his face against Patricks shoulder. Sean tightened his arm
still more around James, and Patrick and Jesse looked uneasily at
their older brothers. They all knew there was nothing they could say
to comfort Kevins friends. They remembered well the feeling of
helplessness and shock, the feeling of guilt, the feeling that it really
should have been them instead. It was a flat out sucky position to be
in. Sean squeezed James shoulder and dropped his chin to the top of
his youngest brother's head as memories and feelings from the past
two years swept over him. He sighed. As bad as last year and the
year before had been, this year was bound to be worse. He
truthfully had never seen Steve look so mad, and Kevin had taken at
least half of the licks, in the first ten minutes, as Danny had taken in
total last year.
Sean looked up to find Jesse and Patrick eyeing him
apprehensively. Come on, Sean, get it together! he chided himself.
He knew he was not doing a very good job of hiding his emotions,
and his fear was confirmed as Jesse mouthed. Steves really pissed,
isnt he? Sean nodded, and felt his throat tighten.
When we came out, Andrew recounted softly, they still
had not even begun to read The Code. James and Alex were both
crying too hard to even hear Andys whispered assertion let alone
inquire about its significance, but Jesse and Pat both paled, and
Patrick held his little brother tighter.

61

File Seven
The House Rules
He who graduates the harshest school, succeeds.
-Thucydides
As Jesse hauled James down the hill to receive his just
comeuppance, Sean re-entered the common room, shutting the door
as quietly as possible behind him. Andrew was standing against the
wall nearby, and he glanced at his friend as Sean moved in beside
him. Are James and Alex all right? he asked in a tone meant only
for Seans ear.
Sean shrugged. They will be, he returned just as quietly.
Pat and Jesse are with them. How are Ryan and Danny? He had
hoped to find his friends already on their feet again, but he could see
even from across the room that Steve was still bent over his
brothers, trying to ascertain the extent of the damage.
Words still out, Andrew replied, following his gaze.
James clobbered them pretty good, I think.
*******************************************************
Are you guys ok? Steve inquired softly. Neither of his
brothers had shown signs of moving, and now Steve received no
answer. Will somebody get me some icepacks please, he
requested, and some paper towels?
Im all right, Ryan struggled to a sitting position, dabbing
at his lip. His cheek was bruised and he was clearly in pain, but he
seemed more irritated than anything, and Steve turned his attention
to the youngest of his injured brothers.
Let me see, Dan, Steve coaxed as he tried to part Dannys
hands.
Oww! Danny sucked air through his teeth. Fuck! It
hurts! he grimaced as Steve gently pried his hands from his face.
Steve glanced at Ryan and Ryan met his eyes, swallowing hard.
Dannys whole face was covered in bruises, his lip was bleeding, his
jaw was swelling; there was not a single place that didnt look
tender.
Will somebody get me some damn ice, please? Steve
62

repeated his earlier request with agitation. This time several

fraternity members responded as Steves sharpness penetrated their
shock, but Sean and Andy were already returning with the desired
items.
Kevin, meanwhile, stood looking down at his three brothers
in horror as he tried to sort out his emotions. Part of him was
appalled by what James had done, but part of him felt that both
Danny and Ryan had deserved it.
Ryan was cradling his little brothers head in his lap now as
Sean squatted beside him and handed him the ice. Ryan took it
silently and as carefully as possible placed it against Dannys hot,
swollen jaw.
Owww! Owww! Holy shit, it hurts! Danny struggled to
sit up, but Ryan gently kept him down.
Youre all right, Dan, he soothed, youre all right. The
ice will help keep the swelling down. Lie still, he coaxed.
As he saw how much pain Danny was in, Kevins feelings for his
brothers won out, and he dropped on his knees beside them. Im
sorry, Danny! his voice shuddered. Im so sorry! Ryan looked at
him sternly and Steve got to his feet, taking Kevin by the arm and
pulling him up after him.
Steve! Danny became agitated, and struggled to sit up
once more. Please! Im all right!
Sh . . . lie back! Ryan directed once more in a palliative
tone. He too had recognized the look in their older brothers eyes,
but in this particular moment his concern for Danny overrode his
empathy for Kevin.
Steve did indeed regard his youngest brother severely, and
Kevin looked away as tears stung his eyes. His oldest brothers
voice, however, was patiently paternal when he spoke. This is not
your fault, Kevin, he said, and Kevin put his hand to his face.
Look at me please, Steve instructed and Kevin did so. I do not
blame you for what happened to Danny and Ryan, Steve continued,
and I know they do not blame you either, but Kevin, this is
precisely the kind of wild, reckless behavior we have been trying to
prevent. It starts with a basic lack of respect for rules and codes of
conduct like that which you have demonstrated all semester. What
you did tonight, coming in late to a meeting, and bringing girls is
just one example. Your fight with Danny this morning is another.
63

Youve had a good ass whippin coming all semester, Little Brother.
Now you are going to get one, and after tonight the kind of
disobedient, inconsiderate behavior youve been engaging in will no
longer be tolerated. Is that clear?
But we didnt mean . . . , Kevin started.
No! No buts! There will be no excuses, tonight, Kev! It is
about time that you learned to do as youre told! Steve looked back
at Ryan, wordlessly indicating the paddle he had left lying on the
floor, and, with a heavy heart, Ryan handed it to him.
No! No! Danny tried a third time to get out from under his
brothers strong hands, but his attempts were fruitless. Ryan once
again soothed him, forcing him to lie quiet, and keeping the ice
against Dannys face as his younger brother grimaced in frustration.
With resigned determination, Steve turned back to confront
his petrified little brother. He looked grimly at him, and the blood
drained from Kevins face. This is long overdue, Kev, Steve
reprimanded quietly. Lets get it over with. Turn around, and bend
over!
Kevin turned ashen as the soft spoken directive raised in his
mind specters of his childhood that hed just as soon forget. He had,
as a kid, received plenty of lickings for his, at times, outlandish
behavior. Well into his teenage years, his father had marched him
out to the woodshed and bared his bottom for the strap. Often it was
because he had been back talking. His father would look at him just
as Steve was looking at him now, and just as he had respected his
father then, Kevin obeyed Steve now without question.
Steve shifted his grasp from Kevins arm to his waist as his
little brother yielded to his authority. He could feel Kevin shaking
and he tightened his grip to steady him as he raised his t-shirt to
expose the full rounded back of his jeans. Kevin clutched at Steves
arm, and Steve gave him an answering little squeeze of support.
Come on, he encouraged gently, tapping the paddle against
Kevins inner thighs, spread them. And Kevin once again obeyed,
dropping lower over Steves arm, and tucking his chin against his
chest in an effort to hide the tears that now began to streak his face.
Steve placed the paddle against his bottom and he
whimpered in anticipation as his oldest brother paused and looked up
to address the freshmen. You do not ever come in late to a meeting
that has been designated as mandatory! Count aloud, Kevin! There
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were some mutterings and whisperings in response to Steves

admonishment, but, as he drew back his arm, silence descended once
more.
WHACK! The sound of the paddle resonated in the stillness
of the room. One! Kevin yelped.
WHACK! Kevins face contorted and he clutched Steves
arm tighter. Two!
WHACK! Ahh! Kevin squeezed his eyes shut, and gritted
his teeth. Three! he finally managed.
WHACK! The blow landed hard on his now tender bottom
and his knees buckled. Four! he sobbed.
Straighten! Steve commanded, and slowly Kevin did as he
was told.
WHACK! OWW! he shrieked, shooting straight up and
grabbing his bottom.
Did I tell you to get up? Steve queried.
No, Kevin protested brokenly, but it hurts!
You will learn to take direction, Kevin! We will start over.
Bend! Tears burned Kevins eyes, but he did as he was told, giving
his bottom a final rub as he bent once again over his brothers arm.
His eyes found Dannys, and Danny struggled to sit up as Steve
raised the paddle. This time Ryan did not stop him.
Hang in there, Kevbo, he mouthed to his little brother,
just hang in there. Kevin bit his lip and looked away, swiping at
the tears that trickled down his face.
Count, Kevin! Steve commanded.
WHACK! There was a long pause as Kevin struggled to
maintain some little bit of dignity. One! he sobbed finally.
WHACK! AHH . . .! TWO!
WHACK! JESUS, OWW! THREE!
Watch your mouth! Steve cautioned.
Sorry, Kevin choked. WHACK! GOD!! Jesus Christ, it
hurts!
Kev, I just now told you to watch your language!
Im sorry! But it really, really hurts!
Regardless, Little Bro, you will do as youre told! You did
not count that stroke either. Count it now, and dont swear!
OK! Kevin replied wretchedly. He clutched Steves arm
again and his oldest brother gripped him tightly, encouraging him
65

with another little squeeze as he raised the paddle once more.

WHACK! The sound reverberated throughout the room as
the paddle thudded into Kevins bottom once more, and he inhaled
sharply. There was a long pause as he hung his head and fought to
get his breath. Four! he finally croaked.
WHACK! The paddle fell again in the same exact spot it had
hit just a moment ago and Kevin screamed. Five! Thats five!
Please Steve! Please!
All right, Kevin, his brother finally relented, you may
stand up. Kevin collapsed into sobs, his dignity forgotten as he
stood slowly up. His hands went immediately to soothe his bruised
and burning bottom and Steve looked sternly at him. I said you
could get up, Kevin. Did I tell you, you could rub? Kevin looked
at him dismayed. Bend Over!
Steves strict command caused the juniors and seniors to
begin to whisper among themselves. He was sure being hard on the
kid. A couple of the freshmen began to cry and their big brothers
responded, doing their best to calm them.
No! Please, Steve, please! Kevin pleaded.
Steve! Danny was on his feet now, despite Ryans efforts,
and Ryan got to his feet too, trying to reason with his little brother.
Stay out of it, Dan! he whispered urgently. Youre only
going to make it worse!Danny, however, wasnt listening.
No! No! Please! Kevin clutched his bottom tighter as
Steve took him roughly by the arm. His strength was no match for
that of his oldest brother, however, and his poignant sobs filled the
air as he found himself forced to bend for the paddle once more.
Steve took aim and raised his arm.
Steve, no! The desperate cry of his second youngest
brother caused the fraternity president to pause and look in his
direction. Please! Danny protested, struggling against Sean and
Ryan as they restrained him.
He has to learn, Dan, Steve responded gently.
He needs a break! Danny asserted contentiously.
And hell get one, Steve replied calmly, just as soon as he
learns what it means to follow directions and do as hes told.
You are not being fair! Danny bristled.
Fair? Im not being fair? Steve lost his patience. Well, let
me tell you something, Danny, and this goes for all of you, he
66

looked around the room as he spoke and a hush descended until the
only remaining sound was that of Kevins gut wrenching wails. We
have become way too lax around here recently. We all seem to have
forgotten that there are rules to follow and certain codes of conduct
that must be observed. I will not tolerate any more rule breaking or
disrespect. He paused and looked sternly at Danny and Ryan. I
will especially not tolerate any more fights! His younger brothers
reddened, and after a moment he went on in a more compassionate
tone. I will do what I have to, to get my point across, and if my
brothers must pay the price to set an example, then thats the way it
is, but you all better pay attention and learn from their experience.
Be grateful its not you and understand that next time it could be!
There was a derisive snort and some snickering amongst the
juniors and seniors and Steve glared in their direction. That means
you too, Mcarthy! The room became quiet again, and even Gregg
dared not respond. I know exactly what happened this afternoon!
Ultimately, Danny and Ryan were in the wrong and I will deal with
them when it is appropriate to do so.
An air of shock penetrated the room as Steve openly
condemned his two brothers. The older students shifted uneasily,
exchanging nervous glances, and Ryan and Danny stared at the
ground to avoid the sympathetic looks that came their way.
I know the part you played, though, Gregg, Steve
continued, and it was far from an innocent one. Know now, that I
will be watching you, and if I ever hear of you behaving again the
way you did earlier today, I will not hesitate to summon you!
Consider today a gift, Mcarthy, and do not push me ever again!
Count, Kevin! Steve turned his attention back to his weeping little
brother and before the consternation in the room had a chance to
settle he had resumed the punishment.
WHACK! OWW! Kevin screamed. One!
WHACK! TWO! he yelped as he scissored his legs.
Stand still! Steve commanded and Kevin instantly obeyed,
continuing to sob out his unhappiness.
Steve, let him go! Please! Danny begged, struggling with
Sean and Ryan again. This time, however, Steve did not
acknowledge his younger brothers plea, and Sean and Ryan
tightened their grip as he raised the paddle once more. Please,
Steve! Please!
67

WHACK! OWWW! Kevin howled. Three!

Danny glowered at Steve, clenching his fists and his teeth as Sean
and Ryan held him helpless.
WHACK! AHH! . . . .Four! Kevin uttered hoarsely.
WHACK! Kevins knees buckled, and Steve tightened his
arm around him in support. For a long moment there was silence as
Kevin struggled for breath. Five! he finally managed in a
strangled sob.
All right, Little Bro, stand up, Steve urged gently. Stiffly,
with bitter sobs, Kevin complied. Dont rub, Steve cautioned and
Kevin nodded, digging his nails into his palms to keep them from
going where they most wanted to go. Im proud of you, Kev,
Steve said softly. Youre learning. Youve earned a break, but
understand that we are not done!
The expression of dismay on his little brothers face sent
Danny over the edge and he twisted violently to get away from Ryan
and Sean. It took all of the strength his brother and friend could
muster and all of their ingenuity to keep him in their grasp as Andy
hovered nearby.
Let him go, Steve instructed, his attention attracted by the
commotion. Ryan looked at his big brother and raised his eyebrows
skeptically as Danny pulled away from him once more. Do it,
Steve commanded again, and all at once Danny found himself free
as Sean and Ryan complied. Danny glared at Steve for a moment,
clenching his fists. Then, he scowled at Ryan, and without a word
turned towards the door.
Danny, Ryan tried to call him back, placing a hand on his
arm. His little brother jerked his arm away. Dan, Ryan tried again
and Danny pushed at him.
Let him go, Ryan, Steve directed firmly, and tears welled
in Ryans eyes as he did what he was told. Sean silently came up
beside him and put a hand on his shoulder as Danny stalked angrily
out of the common room, and into the hallway, slamming the door
behind him.
Go on, and get to the corner, Kevin, Steve directed as
Kevin stood before him, sobbing. You may rub once you are there,
but be sure to come back to me when I call you. He indicated the
corner behind the couch, farthest away from the other fraternity
members, where Kevin would have the most privacy. Kevin
68

swallowed and nodded. Then, with as much dignity as he could

muster, he limped his way over to stand with his head against the
wall. Once there, he collapsed into sobs again, his shoulders shaking
in relief as he finally brought his hands back to soothe his swollen,
smarting bottom.
Matt, The Code! Steve called, and from the crowd of
juniors and seniors, his big brother came forward. As the former
years president, Matthew Sheppard had returned to support his little
brother and to read The Code, as was tradition. He had slipped in
discretely, however, and only a few had known of his presence, so
his appearance now created a stir.
Leaving the room in Matts capable hands, as Kevin sniffed
in the corner, Steve made his way over to Ryan and his friends. Ryan
had his hand to his eyes and was still fighting back tears as Sean and
Andrew tried to comfort him. Itll be all right, Ry, Steve assured
his little brother as he came up beside them. Come on, he placed
his hand tenderly on the back of Ryans head, lets see if we can
talk some sense into him. Ryan nodded and took his hand from his
eyes. Steve moved his hand to his little brothers shoulder and they
started for the door of the common room.
Im going to check on the compatriot faction, Sean called
after Steve quietly. Steve turned, and keeping his arm around Ryan,
nodded to show that he had heard.
Ill go with you, Andy said to Sean. Sean nodded, and
silently they made their way to the back door as Matt unrolled the
parchment he was carrying, and the reading of The Code began.

69

File Eight
The Code
"Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers
formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to
all."
-George Washington
If you cant be a good example, then youll just have to
be a horrible warning.
-Catherine Aird
The best years of your life are the ones in which you
decide your problems are your own. You do not blame
them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You
realize that you control your own destiny.
-Albert Ellis
Pay close attention, members of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh),
Matt's baritone voice rang out. "Big brothers, little brothers,
freshmen, and seniors, it matters not if this is your first time to hear
the reading of The Code, or your last, for The Code plays no
favorites. Enumerated in the lines below, are the doctrines around
which you must form your lives as members of this fraternity. Take
The Code seriously, or you shall reap the consequences."
As Matt began reading, Steve quietly guided his little brother
from the room, leaving the door slightly ajar, so he could hear the
proceedings. They found Danny in the hallway, sitting on the bottom
step of the staircase, his head in his hands. Ryan, without a word, sat
down beside him, and put his arm around him.
"I can't do this!" Danny sobbed without looking up. "I can't
do this! It's too hard."
"Yes you can, Dan," Steve reassured quietly as he looked
affectionately down at his younger brothers. "You're doing fine.
Your role is to support Kevin, and you are definitely doing that,
70

maybe a little too well," he added ironically. "I'm not altogether

happy that you challenged me the way you did, but I'm sure it meant
a lot to Kevin that you stuck up for him."
"No it didn't!" Danny countered. "Did you see how he looked
at me? He hates me!"
"No he doesn't," Ryan assured. "He doesn't know what he's
feeling right now. He's a little too shocked to process it all, but he'll
come around."
"Sure he will!" Danny retorted, balefully. "He thought we
were throwing him a party for Christ's sakes! When he has time to
process it all, he'll hate me even more! God, Steve! Why'd we have
to do it THIS weekend?" Steve and Ryan gazed empathetically at
their brother, and Ryan tightened his grip on his little brothers
shoulder, but they did not respond. Danny was already worked up
and looking for a fight. All points of view had been heard on this
subject, and the issue had been decided. Any potential argument
was moot, now, anyway. James was right, Danny continued to
rant, about everything! I would have kicked our asses too, if I were
him! Ryan and Steve still did not say anything. And then you gave
him extra, Steve! Danny berated. Why? Why did you do that?
Steve waited a moment until Danny seemed calm enough to
hear and understand him. Kevin's got a real attitude problem right
now, Danny, he explained, at last. His insubordinate behavior has
to be corrected before it creates even bigger problems than it has
already. You know how the other freshmen idolize him. Look what
happened with James! He has a responsibility, Bro. He has to learn
to take direction."
But he was trying! Danny protested. He didn't know!
You never told him not to stand or rub, and that paddle hurts! It hurts
so bad . . . ." Danny put his head down on his knees, unable to
continue, and Ryan kept a consoling hand on his back as he met
Steve's eyes. With patient concern, Danny's older brothers waited
and finally he went on. "I didn't even get that many licks last year,"
he choked, "and I deserved it just as much as he does!"
You got your fair share, Dan," Steve responded softly.
"Kevin is too impulsive . . ."
Hes no more impulsive than me! Danny interjected
exasperatedly. Or Ryan. He shot a half apologetic glance at his
brother.
71

Considering the events of this afternoon, Steve started

evenly, I would say that is a fair point; it unfortunately seems that
the two of you could do with a bit of a reminder yourselves when it
comes to the subject of house hierarchy and deportment.
Thats not fair! Danny raged through his tears as he looked
up to meet Steves compassionate eyes. Its not like we go around
starting fights all the time, you know! You werent there, Steve. You
dont know what that louse did! You didnt hear him . . . .
I know what happened this afternoon, Danny, Steve
interjected, and both Ryan and Danny looked at him, then,
apprehensively. Jesse and Sean gave me the full story, Steve
admitted. Danny looked down again and Ryans jaw clenched as he
bit hard on his lip. They came to see me just before the meeting,
Steve continued. They were very concerned about both of you.
Danny and Ryan remained silent. They didnt want to tell me
anything, Steve went on. I had to drag every word out of them,
but you should be glad that they finally did tell me. No one could
have done a better job clarifying your side of the story. Nothing has
changed, he added quickly as Ryans expression turned hopeful.
No matter how understandable your actions may be to me, I cannot
condone them. I know, though, that this situation was extreme, and
perhaps it was an unfair comparison to Kevins overall unruliness.
You can both be a bit on the impulsive side, its true, and
perhaps a little mischievous. We have some things we have to work
through in light of what happened with Mcarthy, but neither of you
is as ornery as Kevin. You do not, often, oppose me openly. You do
not, intentionally, undermine my authority. When I ask you to do
something, you do it, even if you are not happy about it.
Kevin, at the moment, is intoxicated with his newly
discovered power. He has come to realize just how much influence
he has over not only the fraternity but the student body as a whole.
If we do not rein him in now, he will fall beyond even our reach and
there will be no one to help him climb out of this hole he is digging
himself academically. He will discover, one day, that football fame
and glory does not last forever and then whats he going to do, Dan?
Kevin has got to learn to think before he acts.
"Well, it's a little hard to think when your ass is on fire!"
Danny sobbed.
"Danny, look at me," Steve squatted down in front of his
72

little brother. "Look at me please," he placed a gentle hand under

Danny's bruised chin and forced him to look tearfully up at him.
"You deserved what you got last year. There's no doubt about it, and
Kevin deserves his punishment too. The two of you are very much
alike in so many ways. I know this is hard. Believe me, I know, but
it's necessary and I think you know that. Just look at how you turned
around! You're going to class, doing your homework, staying out of
trouble for the most part, and according to this hotshot right here,
you're going the right way for straight A's this semester. In fact, he's
already predicting you'll be valedictorian and class president, and
now we're all praying for maybe just a little slip on your part, so we
don't have to hear his mouth all next semester." Ryan couldn't help
grinning a little sheepishly as he tightened his hand again on
Danny's shoulder.
"I've never seen anyone straighten out faster than you,
Danny," Steve continued more seriously, "but I'm betting Kevin will
challenge your record. Know why?" Danny shook his head and
brushed at his tears. "Because of his attachment to you! He adores
you, Dan. I'm not saying things won't be rough for awhile, but he'll
get past it, like you did. He's just as smart as he is stubborn. Ryan
tells me he hasn't had a moment's trouble with you this semester, and
by this time next year he's going to be sick to death of hearing about
all of Kevin's accomplishments! We do not pick our younger
brothers idly, Danny. We know what we're doing, and when you and
Ry are picking for Kevin next year, I'm sure some cocky little
bastard will distinguish himself in a way that will make it just as
easy as it was this year and the year before when Matt and I picked
you for Ryan." Steve fell silent and Ryan remained quiet too, letting
Danny absorb all that Steve had said to him. Danny placed his head
back on his knees as Steve took his hand from his chin, and for a
few long moments he did not look up. He was still crying, but not as
hard, and the only other sound to be heard was the drone of Matt's
voice coming through the cracked door. He was near the end now,
and Steve and Ryan exchanged glances as they listened. They really
had to go back in.
"What do I do in the meantime?" Danny questioned
desperately as he finally looked up at his brothers.
"What?" Steve responded distractedly. His attention had been
completely absorbed by the proceedings in the other room, which he
73

was straining to hear, so Danny's question caught him off guard.

"In the meantime," Danny repeated, "while I'm waiting for
Kevin to `get past it, what do I do?"
"Well," Steve advised gently, "you start by going back in
there with us now, and helping him to get through tonight."
"Yeah, and then what?" Danny questioned belligerently.
"Then, just give him time," Steve responded quietly.
"And be prepared for anything," Ryan added, giving his little
brothers shoulder a squeeze. "It's going to be ok, Danny. We'll get
through this. I promise!"
Matt was reading the last couple of doctrines now, and as his
voice drifted through the door Steve grew restless, sharing another
look with Ryan. "Are you ready?" he asked. Ryan nodded. "Dan, it's
time, Bud. Are you ready?" Danny was quiet for another couple of
moments as he tried to pull himself together. "Kevin is going to need
you, Man. You think you can do this?" Finally, Danny nodded, and
Ryan got to his feet, helping Danny up after him. Silently, they
followed their older brother to the door, and, as discretely as
possible, slipped back into the common room. Steve stood to the
side against the wall, flanked by his younger brothers, as they waited
patiently for Matt to finish.
Their reappearance caused some restlessness in the room, but
Matt was undeterred. His voice remained strong and unwavering as
he began to read the last section of The Code: "These are the
doctrines of The Code as decreed and maintained by the Fraternal
Order of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh). Any violation of the above code will
result in swift and severe consequences to be determined by the
president of the order and those he chooses to advise him.
Consequences may range, as previously stated, from the application
of the traditional disciplinary implement to eviction from the
fraternity, and, or, expulsion from school. Any member summoned
for discipline to the chamber of the president must report promptly,
without questions. The president will hear any defense the member
may wish to give in his behalf at the time of the summons. Any
member summoned to the chamber of the president will be notified
by a pink slip of paper placed in his mailbox, stating the date and
time of the summons. If the paddle is to be applied, the member's
big brother will be summoned also, by way of a blue slip, to act as a
witness and a support. After punishment has been administered,
74

formal written or verbal apology will be made, if the president

deems fit, to the injured parties. These are the Disciplinary Codes,
hereafter to be known and adhered to by all members of the
fraternity known as Rho Beta Chi (Kigh)."
Steve stepped up beside Matt as he finished reading, and
Matt wordlessly handed him the parchment. All eyes followed the
president as he hung The Code in its honorary place on the wall.
Steve then turned to face the freshmen, and giving his brother a look
of encouragement, Matt quietly took his place amongst the juniors
and seniors. Steve swallowed hard in an attempt to calm his nerves
as he looked at the terrified younger students, but finally he took a
deep breath, and began to address them.
"Freshmen year," he stated with calm authority, "is a
transition year. Many of you are away from home for the first time
in your lives. You are dealing with new roommates, new
surroundings, new responsibilities. Some of you," he glanced back
at Kevin, "are also dealing with the pressures that go with new found
stardom. Balancing these pressures against those of your everyday
responsibilities can be, at best, difficult sometimes. At worst, they
can cause you to neglect what is most important. Those of us in this
fraternity who have made it through our first year successfully have
taken a vow to help those behind us succeed as well. The vow
includes a strict code of discipline, as you just heard. You may
wonder why you have not been told more explicitly about The Code
before now. Why would we wait until the end of the semester was so
close to bring this up? It is because we all know and remember how
hard freshmen year can be, especially the first semester. We know
you have enough to do, enough to worry about without this being an
added stress. It is why you are assigned a `Big Brother' to help guide
you when you stray, to help encourage you when you're feeling
down, and to prod you when you start to slack off as you inevitably
do once you become comfortable. It is largely based on your
response to your brother's advice and encouragement that you are
judged."
Steve took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.
This last part would be the hardest to say. Danny and Ryan too knew
what was coming. Danny looked at the ground, and Ryan put his
hand on his shoulder. Finally, Steve continued, letting his voice ring
out and praying it would not waver. "Your behavior, no matter how
75

understandable to us within these walls, is still a reflection on the

house. It determines how the rest of the campus views and treats us.
Therefore, every year, as the end of the first semester approaches,
the freshman who has most flagrantly violated the rules and shown
the least concern about doing so, must pay the price as an example
to the others. This year, that freshman is Kevin Kramer. Kevin, come
here." Steve's commanding voice called his youngest brother from
the corner, but Kevin had hidden his face against his arm, and he
neither looked up nor responded to his brother's summons. Steve
waited a moment, but then looked nervously at his two other
brothers who were still leaning against the wall by the door. "Dan,"
he prompted. Danny looked up at him and cringed as he read Steve's
expression. Ryan squeezed his shoulder, and a moment later Danny
resignedly made his way over to Kevin.
"Don't make me haul you over there, Kev," he whispered, his
voice cracking, as he gently addressed his younger brother.
"Just leave me alone, Danny," Kevin mumbled.
"You're not going to help yourself by disobeying," Danny
cautioned empathetically, but Kevin refused to look at him. "Come
on, Little Bro," Danny placed a hand on his arm. "I'm going to get
you through this. I promise."
"No!" Kevin jerked his arm away and finally raised his redrimmed eyes to glare accusingly at Danny. "Get away from me!" He
pushed at his big brother.
"Kev . . .," Danny started, taken aback by the venom in his
brother's tone. He moved in closer, but Kevin pushed at him again.
"No, Danny! You knew this would happen!" he cried. "You
knew all along, and you never once told me! You knew! You knew!"
Kevin swung at him and Danny ducked, grabbing his arms.
"Stop it, Kevin!" Danny looked anxiously in Steves
direction. Kevin struggled, but his efforts were futile and he became
more and more worked up as he desperately twisted to get away.
"Calm down," Danny instructed quietly, but his younger
brother only fought harder and out of the corner of his eye Danny
saw Ryan move closer. "Please, Kev, trust me!"
"Trust you?" That caused Kevin to pause as he stared at his
big brother contemptuously, his eyes brimming with tears of rage.
"Trust you?! You lied to me, Danny! You lied! How can I trust you,
now, or ever again? How could you do this? How?" Kevin finally
76

succeeded in breaking Danny's grasp and he struck violently at his

big brother, not even taking time to aim. Danny was done playing
around now, though, and he easily caught his brother's arms once
again. "Let me go, Danny!" Kevin screamed in frustration. "I hate
you! I hate you! How could you do this?" Through all Kevin's
struggling and pushing Danny held on, and finally his little brother
collapsed against him. "How could you let this happen to me?" he
sobbed, clinging to Danny and pressing his face into his shoulder.
"Kevin, Let's go!" Steve's stern rebuke filled the room and
Danny glanced uneasily at him once more.
"Please don't let them do it, Danny, please!" Kevin pleaded.
"Please! I'll listen to you, I promise! I'll do exactly what you tell me
to! I'll do the report for Merrick right now! I'll never go to Rho Beta
Xi again! I'll do anything you want! Anything! I promise! Please,
Danny, please!" The room was silent now except for Kevin's erratic
sobbing, and Danny clutched him tightly, letting his chin fall to the
top of his little brother's head.
"It's too late now, Kev'bo," he murmured, "it's out of my
hands. There's nothing I can do except help you through this, and I
will do that, I promise." The strength of Kevin's sobs increased as
his only hope went out the window, and he clutched at his brother.
Danny tightened his arms around him and let him cry, his conscience
plaguing him as his little brother became more and more distraught.
Steve waited a few more moments, but when Kevin had finally
calmed slightly, he caught Danny's eye. Prolonging this, he knew,
was not doing any of his brothers any good. Danny swallowed hard
as he received Steve's silent command. "Let's get it over with, Kev,"
he whispered.
"No, Danny! Please, Please!" Kevin clung to him and Danny
looked pleadingly at Steve, but Steve just frowned at him,
reprovingly. With a sore heart, Danny tried to extricate himself from
Kevin's grasp, but Kevin clutched at him once more, clinging to his
neck and sobbing.
Steve prompted Ryan and, reluctantly, Ryan stepped up
beside his younger brothers. "Come on, Kev," he encouraged gently,
as he attempted to loosen his little brothers hold.
"No!" Kevin yanked his arm away and clung tighter. Danny
kept a soothing hand on his little brother's back and he and Ryan
locked eyes.
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"Kev," Ryan tried again, "you're not making this easier for
yourself."
"I don't care!" Kevin raged. "It's not fair!"
"Now, come on, Kevin," Ryan became just a little impatient.
"You've done nothing, but break rules all semester. You refuse to
listen to anyone who tries to help you, even Danny, and recently
you've developed a real attitude. The last few weeks, you've been
mouthing off to everyone, even us. You have had this coming for a
while now, Bro, and I think you know it, so how is it not fair?"
"It's not fair because you knew!" Kevin sobbed. "You knew
this would happen and you never once told me. Why didn't you tell
me?" he demanded brokenly. He was still clinging to Danny, but
now he turned his tear streaked face to glare at Ryan, resentfully.
"Because, Kev," Ryan replied patiently, "you are not a little
kid. You are in college, now, and it is time for you to learn how to
determine the difference between right and wrong on your own.
Danny, Steve, and I are here to guide you, but ultimately, the choices
are yours to make."
"Besides," Danny added bitterly, "if we had told you
anything, we would have been kicked out of the fraternity and
maybe even off the team. Kevin looked at Ryan for confirmation
and Ryan nodded. Kevin took a deep breath as he finally began to
comprehend the difficult position his brothers had been placed in.
"Well, you could have hinted at least," he rejoined weakly
with another little sob.
"We did hint to you, Kev!" Ryan responded. "You just never
wanted to listen to us! Over and over again, we tried to make you
understand without breaking the rules, ourselves." Kevin began to
cry harder again, and Danny tightened his arms around him. "Why
do you think we were so hard on you the day we caught you and
your friends telling stories?" Ryan asked quietly.
`Why, indeed?' A surge of bitterness washed over Kevin. He
had just been thinking about the very same thing. There had always
been rumors of the paddle's existence, and occasionally his friends
had recounted strange tales of searching for their older brothers,
only to be told that they were "indisposed." Further inquiry, usually
among their brothers' rivals, led them to Steve's door where their
brothers would eventually emerge, red-eyed and limping, their own
big brothers behind them. The oldest fraternity members would
78

place protective hands on their little brothers' shoulders and require

Kevins friends to say what they wanted and who had sent them.
Kevins friends would be too flabbergasted to answer and would
watch as, without a word, their big brothers limped past them to
their rooms where they would almost always stay for the remainder
of the day.
If the younger fraternity members inquired whether their big
brothers were ok, they would be told patiently not to worry, and the
juniors would step into their younger brothers' shoes for the day. If
Kevin's friends pressed too hard, or became too nosy, however, their
curiosity would inevitably meet with a sharp admonishment to,
"mind their own business." Kevin felt queasy as he thought of these
whispered tales, always told in secret behind closed bedroom doors.
Such stories told in the open, would meet with a stern command to,
"Find something better to do, and keep such nonsense to
themselves," especially when the freshmen began to speculate about
the paddle.
Ryan and Danny had come upon them one time, telling these
tales, and had been furious with him. They had hauled him before
Steve who had delivered a biting lecture, reminding him that he had
plenty of his own business to take care of, and that he should mind
his own affairs rather than waste his time worrying about those of
others. Until that day, Kevin had brushed the stories off as just that,
stories. From that day on, though, a part of him had known they
were true, and he had no longer joined in his friends' huddled
midnight conversations. He had, thus, been lulled into a false sense
of security. After all, he had never encountered Ryan or Danny in
that awkward situation, and he began to doubt his conclusions.
Perhaps, he had been wrong. Maybe it was just a story after all, or a
scare tactic. Now, he knew the truth. Another wave of fury washed
over him. How could this be happening to him? How could Danny
and Ryan have let it?
All of Kevin's feelings were communicated to his brothers in
his expression, and Danny swallowed hard. "We're going to get you
through this, Bro," he whispered as Kevin continued to glare at
Ryan.
"We never said the stories weren't true, Kev," Ryan
responded to his younger brother's silent accusation. "We never even
told you to keep them to yourself! In fact, we brought you to Steve
79

because we wanted you to know that the rumors were true! Even
Steve tried hard to warn you; he ordered you to attend to your own
business and stay out of the affairs of others, didnt he? He as much
as told you that what you had heard was true, Kev. After all, why
would he tell you to stay out of it, if there was nothing to stay out
of? We were all hoping you would put two and two together and
shape up!"
"It backfired, though," Danny added miserably. "We only
succeeded in stopping you from listening to the stories, and
eventually you convinced yourself they weren't true. We tried, Bud!
We really tried."
"We did try," Ryan acknowledged again softly, "but
ultimately, Kevin, you brought this on yourself. I've never seen
anyone who deserved a licking more."
"Well, now, I don't know if that's true," Steve reprimanded
gently, reminding his brothers of his presence and that of the rest of
the fraternity. He eyed both Ryan and Danny with an air of paternal
sternness and both his little brothers flushed under his gaze. Unlike
Matt's earlier comment, Steve's words carried not even a hint of
humor. They were meant only to remind Ryan of the role he should
be playing, and to comfort Kevin. Both objectives were
accomplished. Ryan shuffled his feet, shifting his eyes guiltily
under Steves penetrating gaze, and though Ryan and Danny's
younger brother missed the full significance of the remark, the
contradiction (especially coming from Steve) lessened the sting of
Ryan's rebuke. Kevin pressed his face into Danny's shoulder,
rubbing it against his older brother's shirt in an effort to dry his tears.
The rest of the room looked on in silence, and the three older
fraternity members waited patiently. This was a terrible moment for
their youngest brother, they all knew, the moment when he had to
claim responsibility for all the poor choices he had made this past
semester, the moment when he was forced to acknowledge that he
had only himself to blame for the trouble he was in now.
"Oh, come the fuck on!" Mcarthy's cry of disgust penetrated
the formidable silence of the common room. "This is bullshit! Let's
just get on with it, already! None of us wants to be here all night.
The kid has it coming. We all know he has it coming! Even he
knows he has it coming, so let's stop stalling!" The outburst caused a
commotion as the unsettled freshmen leaned across one another to
80

commiserate and speculate about their friend and classmate's

unenviable circumstances. The sophomores too began whispering
amongst one another, wondering how Steve would handle Gregg's
challenge. Even some of the seniors and juniors were talking, and
Matt took the opportunity to slip from his chair. Stepping up beside
his little brother, he placed a hand on his shoulder. "As much as I
hate to admit it," he whispered, "Mcarthy's got a point. Enough is
enough, Steve!" Steve swallowed and nodded, unable to take his
eyes off of Danny and Ryan as they looked at him, pleading silently
for one more moment. Danny tightened his arm around Kevin again,
and tears stung his eyes as he read Steve's expression.
"Bring him here," Steve commanded his brothers quietly, as
Matt took his seat. A look of anguish pierced Danny's expression,
but he knew better than to argue with a direct order, and after a
moment he attempted once again to separate himself from his little
brother.
"No, no!" Kevin pleaded, clinging tighter. "Please! Can't we
at least do it upstairs? Please! I'm sorry! I know I deserve it!" he
sobbed hysterically. "I'll take twice the number of licks! I'll do
bathroom duty all next semester if we can just do it upstairs!"
Danny put his arms around Kevin again, in a soothing
gesture, but he looked away as his little brother looked hopefully up
into his face. Kevin's request seemed more than reasonable, and in
fact Danny, in his time last year, had made a similar plea. He too had
offered to take on "bathroom duty," a particularly dreaded chore
usually rotated among the freshmen, if only the punishment could be
carried out in private. The decision was, in fact, up to the discretion
of the president, but no president in recent history had honored such
a request. To do so, would defeat the purpose of the night.
Now, Danny turned to Ryan for help. Ryan looked uneasily
at Steve, and Danny followed his eyes, holding his little brother
tightly and pleading silently with his oldest brother to let Kevin's
petition succeed where his own last year had failed. Steve sighed as
he looked at his brothers' hopeful expressions, and he bit his lip as
slowly he shook his head. Tears started to streak Danny's face again.
Danny knew there was no way he'd be able to make Kevin
understand right now why the punishment could not be carried out
in private. After all, as far as Kevin knew, nobody else had ever been
treated this way. Other punishments, when they took place,
81

obviously took place in private. To deny him this same right to

privacy, then, would seem to him like an unnecessary and
particularly cruel way to exacerbate what were already severe
consequences. Danny clutched Kevin tighter as his own tears came
faster. This was the moment Danny had battled with last year, the
moment for which he had been unable to forgive Ryan. He had seen
it as his big brother's ultimate betrayal and he knew Kevin would see
it that way too. "I'm sorry, Kev," he choked at last. Steve was
looking at him sternly now, and Ryan was also trying to look stern,
but he was fighting back tears despite himself, and he looked away
as Danny sought his eyes.
"Ryan," Steve addressed his little brother firmly. Ryan
looked at him, and with a wordless tilt of his head Steve indicated
Danny and Kevin. Ryan hesitated and Steve raised his eyebrows.
Finally, with bitter resignation, Ryan stepped up once again beside
his brothers. Danny was still gripping his little brother tightly, but as
he felt Ryan's hand on his shoulder, he loosened his hold, and
forcing back the lump that rose in his throat, he reached up and
gently took hold of Kevin's arm, attempting to break his little
brother's death grip.
"No, no! Danny, please!" Kevin's voice was panic stricken.
"Please don't do this to me! Please!" Danny bit down hard on his lip
as Ryan took hold of Kevin's other arm. Kevin braced his feet, but
despite his opposition, his big brothers managed to clasp hands
under his arms, and together they half lifted, half dragged him in the
direction of their oldest brother.
"No!" Kevin struggled with them. "No! Ok! Ok, I'll go! Let
me go! I can walk by myself!" He tried to jerk away again and
Danny met Ryan's eyes over their little brother's head. The next time
he pulled away, they let him go. Kevin stumbled forward and then,
with clenched fists and a scowl that pierced Danny's heart, he turned
his head to look at them. Danny pointed at Steve, and Kevin bit his
lip as his vision blurred once more, but finally, he turned and made
his way stiffly over to the fraternity president. He stopped in front of
his oldest brother and tried to look at him with red, swollen eyes.
Steve glared at him, and Kevin hung his head.
"If you fight us the whole way, Kev'bo, you're going to earn
extra, and it's going to be a long night," Steve scolded as Danny and
Ryan came silently up behind their younger brother. "Turn around
82

and bend over." Kevin hesitated and Steve grabbed his arm, spinning
him around and forcing him to bend. WHACK! WHACK!
WHACK!
"OWWW! Kevin's cries of agony filled the air.
"You're making this much harder than it needs to be, Kev,"
Steve admonished as his little brother cried and squirmed to get
away. "You're breaking Danny's heart," he added softly as tears
began to once more leak their way down the stricken face of his
second youngest brother.
"I don't care!" Kevin snarled.
"I think you do," Steve replied gently as Kevin snuck a look
at Danny and went totally to pieces. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
WHACK!
"OWWW!" Kevin howled. "Oww! Oww! Oww!" He
dissolved into embittered sobs, and finally Steve stopped.
"All right, Little Bro. Stand up!" Steve kept tight hold of
Kevin's arm as his little brother obeyed. "Don't rub!" he cautioned.
Kevin inhaled, sobbing harder, and clutching his leg in an effort to
keep his free hand away from his scalding rear.
"Look at me!" Steve commanded, and Kevin tentatively
raised his eyes. "You have a lot to answer for tonight, Young Man!
Do not rub!" he warned once more as Kevin's hand inched toward
the back of his thigh.
"It hurts!" Kevin groused as he grasped the front of his jeans
again.
"Yes, I know it does," Steve replied, "but we are just getting
started."
"No! Steve, please!" Kevin entreated desperately.
"Kev, not only were you forty minutes late for the meeting
tonight, but you were drunk and you brought girls! Take your pants
down!"
"What?!" Kevin gasped.
"Kevin, you are spending too much time partying and not
nearly enough time studying! You are getting in over your head at
Rho Beta Xi, but you will not listen to anybody who tries to advise
you, even Danny, who knows better than anyone how much trouble
those girls can be." Gregg snickered, but one of his friends jabbed
him in the ribs as Steve glared in his direction and he quickly stifled
his amusement. "You are failing all your classes," Steve continued to
83

upbraid his little brother, "a fact you tried to conceal from Danny
until he confronted you. Even then, you swore up and down that it
was only American History you were failing . . . ."
"It IS only American History!" Kevin seethed. "I still have
time to pass everything else. I can even maybe pass American
History if I do ok on that report!"
"The same report you were arguing with Danny about this
morning?" Steve demanded. "The one you've been putting off for
weeks? Kev, the point is not to perform miserably all semester,
procrastinating on everything until the last minute, so in the end you
just skate by with bare minimum effort. That is not acceptable!"
Kevin flushed, crying too hard to respond now as he tried again to
pull away from Steve. Danny and Ryan both moved in closer. "You
have been blowing off assignments, skipping class, and talking back
to professors for weeks. Recently, all you've done is smart off to
Danny as well! Your behavior is arrogant, obnoxious, and downright
rude. As I said earlier, you have been asking for a good ass blistering
all semester, Kevin, and now that's exactly what you are going to
get! Take your pants down!" Steve eyed him resolutely.
"No!" Kevin remonstrated. "Please, Steve, dont! Not here!
I'll go quietly upstairs with you and Danny and Ryan! I'm sorry for
everything! I know I deserve it, but please don't do it here!"
A long, uncomfortable silence followed as the president and
his youngest brother stared one another down. "I'm sorry, Kev,
Steve responded softly, at last. I can't do what you're asking. I
would like to, but I can't. Kevin gazed at him in disbelief. Steve
was the president; he could do anything he wanted to, couldn't he?
Angrily, Kevin once again jerked his arm away, and this time Steve
let him go. Ryan stood right behind him now and he placed his
hands on Kevin's shoulders in a soothing gesture, but Kevin twisted
away from him.
"I'm going to go pack," he sobbed.
"Keeevin," Ryan started in his best big brother `you're
overreacting' type voice.
"No!" Kevin turned on him. "You obviously don't want me
here anyway, if my behavior is so unbearably rude and obnoxious!"
Ryan paled, and Kevin looked at Steve who blanched too. Kevin
could barely bring himself to look at Danny, but finally he did as
tears of rage continued to fill his eyes and spill down his cheeks.
84

Danny met Kevins accusing eyes with an aching heart. This was
the moment he had been dreading most. Unlike Steve and Ryan, he
had seen it coming from the beginning. His little brother was so
proud, and the smart of the betrayal was so potent, as Danny well
knew. There was only so much a bold spirit like Kevins would
submit to. Rebellion, as far as Danny was concerned, had been
nearly inevitable.
"Don't do it, Kev," he whispered. For a moment, Kevin just
continued to glare at him. Then, without a word, he turned and
started for the door. Ryan put a hand on his arm, and Kevin
wrenched it free, only to discover that Danny now blocked his way.
He tried to move around him, but Danny stayed with him. He tried
the other side, but once again his brother matched his steps.
"Get out of my way, Danny!" he cried in frustration.
"I'm not going to let you do this, Kev!"
Kevin tried once more to get past him, but Danny was too
quick and Kevin pushed at him in frustration. "Don't be a jerk!" he
sobbed.
"If you walk out of here, you are out of the fraternity and off
the team, Man!"
"Who cares?!"
"I do!"
"Oh yeah? Then why'd you let this happen in the first place?"
Kevin demanded viciously.
"I know you don't understand right now," Danny intimated
regretfully, "but you will!"
"Well, you can save your explanations!" Kevin pushed once
more in an effort to get by his big brother, but Danny grabbed his
arms. "Let me go, Danny!"
"I'm not going to let you throw your whole life away, Kev."
"What do you care?"
"A lot! How are you going to pay for school?"
"I don't know," Kevin returned acidly. "I guess I won't.
Since, according to you, I'm failing all my classes anyway, what's
the point?"
"The point, Kevin, is that you've made some mistakes, as we
all have. You're paying for them now, and I know how hard it
is . . . ."
"No you don't!"
85

"Yes, I do," Danny returned softly.

"Yes he does," some of Danny's friends and enemies
resounded in conflicting tones of sympathy and mirth. Danny
ignored them.
"I do know how hard it is, Kev," he said, "but it's one night!
You'll get past it, believe me, and you'll make better decisions in the
future because of it."
"A fat lot you know!" Kevin spat.
Danny lowered his voice and spoke gently, in tones only his
brother could hear. "You have more talent and promise than anyone
else in this room, Kevin. You have the intelligence and ability to
succeed in anything you do. Lord knows you are one hell of a
football player, and you will probably be able to play in the NFL
someday if that's what you want, but that's not all you are, Kev! It's
time you realized that! You have a lot of living to do both before and
after any potential football career. It's those parts of your life you
ought to be thinking about. Don't push us away, Man! We all just
want to see things go well for you!"
Kevin looked at him incredulously. "So, you're going to let
Steve paddle my bare ass in front of the whole fraternity! That's
making sure things go well for me?"
"Kevin, along with all your intelligence and talent you got a
big dose of cockiness, and that's not surprising, but it's working
against you, Man! You're not making good choices!"
"And you think this will help?" Kevin snapped.
"Yes," Danny responded quietly, looking directly into his
little brother's smoldering, tear filled eyes, "I know it will."
"Well, then why didn't you do it before?" Kevin demanded
exasperatedly. "I would have listened to you, Danny! I would have
done whatever you told me. If you and Ryan had brought me to
Steve like you did before, I would have accepted whatever
punishment he gave me. I would have been pissed, but I would have
accepted it without question. I would still go upstairs with just the
three of you right now, but damn it, Danny, you're asking an awful
lot of me!"
"I know," Danny's voice broke, "I know I am. I wish I could
spare you all that's ahead tonight, Kev, and I know you don't
understand what's happening. If I could explain it all to you right
now, I would, but I can't. All I can tell you is you've been chosen
86

tonight to take the fall for everybody, to set an example of what not
to do, and I know it doesn't seem fair, but it really is a good thing,
Kev'bo." He put his hand tenderly on the back of his little brother's
head. "It's a good thing," he said again softly.
"You're damn right, it doesn't seem fair! Kevin rejoined. I
don't know what you expect, Danny, but it's already been the most
humiliating night of my life. I can't do what you're asking! I just
can't do it! I'll never be able to face anybody again! Mcarthy will
never let me hear the end of it!"
"Mcarthy will keep his damn mouth shut if he knows what's
good for him!" Danny growled. Steve and Ryan both glared
menacingly at Gregg in an effort to reinforce their younger brother's
words. Gregg just simpered.
"Wipe that ridiculous smirk off your face!" Matt hissed as he
too glared at Gregg, and with effort Gregg did so.
"As for everyone else," Danny continued, "there is nobody
you care about who feels anything but sympathy for you right now.
All these jokers right here," he indicated the freshmen in general,
"just ought to be grateful that it is your ass and not theirs!" Danny
looked up at them and addressed the cowering freshmen in a voice
stronger than any he had used so far tonight. "Understand that!" he
commanded. "My brother is taking the heat for all of you tonight!
It's not just about him and what he's done to deserve this
punishment; it's about making sure that all you clowns shape up and
learn your place!" The younger students shifted in their chairs, most
of them sinking lower as they looked at Danny's angry face. Some of
them sought out their big brothers only to meet the sophomores'
stern eyes as they received nods of confirmation. Danny looked back
at his little brother.
"I can't, Danny, I can't . . . . Why do you have to do this, this
way? It's not fair!"
"Kev, I know that you're mad at me, but I can get you
through this! Let me help you! You're the gutsiest kid I know . . .,"
Danny's voice cracked again. "Don't give up now."
Kevin clutched his brother, pressing his face into Danny's
shoulder as he struggled with his emotions. "What do I do?" he
choked, finally. "Tell me what to do."
Danny breathed a sigh of relief and squeezed his little
brother's shoulder. "It's going to be ok, Kev," he whispered. "The
87

first thing you're going to do is walk with me back over to Steve.

You're going to tell him you're sorry and that you changed your
mind. Then, you pretend like you are in the locker room before a
game. You turn around and face me, you take your pants down, and
you don't look at anybody, but me for the rest of the night. Ok?"
Kevin clung to him and Danny tightened his arms around him.
"Ok?" he whispered again, and Kevin nodded. "I'll get you through
this Kid," Danny repeated softly. "Come on."
Danny kept his hand on Kevin's shoulder as they turned and
approached Steve once more. Silently, Danny pleaded with his
oldest brother to go easy. Steve nodded reassuringly at him, and
Danny tightened his hold on Kevin's shoulder as they came to a stop
before the fraternity president. Kevin raised his eyes tenuously to
meet those of his oldest brother, and Steve gave him a look of
encouragement. "I'm sorry," Kevin sobbed. "I still want to be a part
of the team and in the fraternity, and I will do whatever you tell me
to."
Steve nodded. "You know what you have to do, Kev," he
returned gently. Kevin swallowed and looked at Danny. Danny
squeezed his shoulder again and prompted him silently to look at his
eyes. With crimson cheeks, Kevin turned to face his big brother. His
fingers went fumblingly to the top of his jeans and with shaking
hands he managed to unbutton and unzip them, but he got no further
as his eyes shifted slightly from Danny's and he froze, sobbing in
mortification.
"Right here, Bud," Danny prompted again. "Look only at me.
Just changing before a game, Man," he whispered softly. Kevin
swallowed hard and swiped at his tears again. Finally, however, he
took hold once more of his jeans and pulled them to his knees,
wincing as the rough material slid past his already well-punished
bottom. "Here, look here," Danny urged, anticipating his brother's
impulse to look elsewhere. "Now, here's the deal." Danny placed his
hands on his knees, bending low. Instinctively Kevin followed suit,
entirely focused now on his brother's eyes. "These guys are tough.
They are real good at forcing the third and long, so I'm going to be
relying heavily on you today, to keep us out of that situation. Are
you ready?" Kevin started to nod, but then he shook his head as
Steve raised his t-shirt and took hold of his briefs, sliding them
down to join his jeans at his knees.
88

"It's not working, Danny," he sobbed. "It's not working."

"Ok, Bud," Danny soothed, standing up and moving in
closer, "just hold on to me, then." He took his place beside Steve,
and raised Kevin's t-shirt higher to keep it out of the way. Steve and
Ryan nodded at him in approval as he gripped his little brother's
waist, and Kevin tucked his chin against his chest and sobbed.
"Pay close attention!" Steve admonished the horror struck
freshmen. "These rules are for all of you! Remember what I say
tonight, or you too will find yourself in this position." He indicated
his youngest brother's already black and blue bottom with the
paddle, and the young Saber Bend Bulldog rookies squirmed.
"First," Steve continued, "no girl, girlfriend or otherwise, is ever
again to come through these doors when we are gathered for a
meeting that has been earmarked as mandatory! What goes on inside
these walls stays inside these walls tonight, and any other night we
meet! Is that clear?"
"Yes," the freshmen chorused disconcertedly.
"Is it clear, Kevin?" Steve pressed the paddle firmly against
his little brother's bottom.
"Yes," Kevin whimpered.
"Good. Then next time you will know better! Now, count!"
Steve raised the paddle and a hush of anticipation filled the room as
Kevin braced himself.
THWHACK! "One!" Kevin inhaled sharply, and clenched
his fist. Steve waited, giving the sting a moment to settle before he
raised the paddle again. THWACK! There was a long pause and
nobody made a sound. "Two," Kevin sobbed finally. THWACK!
"AHH!" He gritted his teeth and shifted his weight as Danny
tightened his arm supportively. "THREE!" he choked. THWACK!
"FOUR!" He bit his lip, and scissored his legs.
"Hang in there, Bro," Danny whispered.
THWACK! "AHH! GOD! OWW! Five!" Kevin sobbed,
digging his nails into Danny's arm.
"It's all right, Kev, you're ok," Danny comforted huskily as
Steve brought the paddle back to his side and looked again at the
rest of the freshmen.
"What I have to say now concerns the amount of partying
that has been taking place this semester, particularly with thanks to
the girls over at Rho Beta Xi. Understand me when I say that what
89

they do over there is their business, but in this fraternity, school

comes first! If you are not maintaining at least a B average you
cannot afford to be partying every weekend, let alone every night! I
will not tolerate poor grades at any time! If, however, your poor
grades are the product of too much partying, your situation will be
just that much worse! Anyone who does not have at least a B at the
end of the year will not be returning next year. This means most of
you have a lot of work to do between now and the end of next
semester. Anyone who does not straighten up and fly right starting
now should expect to hear from me soon!" Many of Kevin's friends
started to cry now and the sophomores moved quickly in among
their younger brothers, doing their best to mitigate the impact of
Steve's strict warning. Steve in the meantime, placed the paddle
once more against his own little brother's bruised bottom, causing
him to wince and writhe as he awaited the agonizing smacks that
were sure to follow. "Kevin," he scolded, "with as much potential as
you have, there is simply no excuse for your astoundingly poor
performance this semester! I can't tell you how disappointed, Ryan,
Danny, and I all are!
Steve, please," Danny objected quietly, but Steve ignored him
and Danny tightened his arm around Kevin protectively as their
older brother continued. "There will be no more partying for you at
all, Young Man, until you shape up and show that you can conduct
yourself responsibly! Is that understood?
"Yes, Sir," Kevin whimpered, clutching Danny's arm tighter.
"I'm sorry!"
"All right, count!" Steve instructed. The paddle whistled
through the air and thudded into Kevin's bottom with a force that
nearly drove him to his knees. His face contorted, and it was a
moment before he could get the breath to react at all, but when he
did, he screamed. "OWWWW! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! Holy Shit,
it hurts!" he sobbed.
"Kevin," Steve reprimanded softly, "you forgot to count, and
you swore! We will have to repeat that one."
"Steve, Please!" It was not Kevin, but Danny who protested
once more. Kevin was crying too hard, now, to react to either of his
brothers. Steve raised the paddle again, and without responding to
Danny's plea he drove it once again into Kevin's bottom. THWACK!
"AHH!" Kevin threw his head back and gritted his teeth.
90

"Oww!" he sobbed. "OWW!"

"I'm going to keep repeating it until you count, Little Bro,"
Steve warned.
"Don't do it so hard!" Danny fumed as his weeping little
brother clutched at him.
"Danny," Ryan cautioned in a loud whisper, "stay out of it!"
Danny bit his lip and tightened his arm once more around Kevin.
Again, Steve raised the paddle. THWACK!
"AHH! ONE!" Kevin cried. THWACK! "YOW! TWO!"
Kevin stamped his feet and scissored his legs in an attempt to shake
out the burn.
"Stand still!" Steve directed, and his little brother did so,
hanging lower over Danny's arm as his heart rending wails filled the
air.
THWACK! Kevin clutched his knees and inhaled.
"THREE!" he finally breathed, and he couldn't help squirming a
little.
"Stand still!" Steve commanded again.
Kevin once again obeyed, whimpering with the effort, and
Danny tightened his grip supportively. THWACK! "FOUR!" Kevin
screamed. "It hurts! God, it hurts! Please Steve, Please!" Danny had
trouble containing his brother as Kevin fought to reach back.
"Come on, Bro, I know it hurts, but you can't rub yet!"
Danny tried his best to reason with him, but Kevin was beyond
reason. The fire in his ass had eliminated every other thought from
his mind. Danny pinned both his wrists to his back, now, and Kevin
struggled futilely to pull his hands free from his brother's strong
grip. Finally, however, his struggles began to subside, and the
intensity of his sobs increased as he resigned himself to the
helplessness of his situation. Steve waited for Kevin to become still
again, not wanting to catch his younger brother on the thighs, but the
moment he quieted, THWACK! Steve brought the paddle down with
such strength that Kevin was once again thrown forward and this
time Danny staggered back a little in his effort to bear his little
brother's full weight.
"FIVE!" Kevin cried so inarticulately that it was hard to
understand him. "Please, Danny, Please! It hurts!" His pleas had a
potent affect on his big brother, and it was all Danny could do to
maintain his composure and his grip. Steve raised the paddle again,
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but before he brought it down, Ryan stepped up beside his older

brother, and the beseeching expression on his face caused Steve to
pause and look inquiringly at him.
"They need a break, Steve," Ryan begged into his brother's
ear, "Danny as much as Kevin." Tears were welling in his eyes now,
and Steve's heart ached as he regarded his little brother with
indulgent concern.
"I know this is hard, Ry," he consoled softly, "but it's better if
we finish it now." He went to swing the paddle once more, but Ryan
grabbed his arm.
"Please, Steve!" Ryan broke down completely for the first
time that night. "You know how they are!" he entreated. "They are
both so passionate! You are going to push them right over the edge,
and then God only knows what they'll do. Please! Just give them a
little break!"
Steve looked once more at his little brother's distraught face,
and then at the feverish face and bloodshot eyes of his second
youngest brother and with a sigh of resignation he brought the
paddle to his side. It was against his better judgment, but he had
never been good at denying Ryan. "All right, Ry," he said softly, "a
little break."
"Thank you," Ryan sobbed, and Steve turned to address his
two youngest brothers as Ryan tried to pull himself together.
"Ok, Kev," he commanded, "stand up and look at me please.
Do not rub!" he added as Danny released Kevin's hands. Painfully,
with agonizing sobs, Kevin did as he was told, clenching his fists in
a ball in front of him and biting his lip as he resisted the impulse to
rub his tortured bottom. "I am going to give you a little time to get
yourself together and prepare for the last phase of your punishment."
The vehemence of Kevin's sobs increased as a feeling of relief swept
over him. "Listen to me," Steve cautioned and Kevin tried to calm
himself as he looked into his oldest brother's eyes. "We are not
done!" Steve continued. "Do you understand me?" Kevin nodded,
but was still crying too hard to answer. "I do not want any fuss this
time when we get ready to begin again. Are we clear?" Kevin
nodded once more and Steve softened his demeanor just a little. "All
right then, Little Bro, your break starts now. Stay right here where I
can see you, please." He pointed to an overstuffed, blue arm chair
that stood directly next to him, and gratefully Kevin sank into it on
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his knees, clutching the back of the chair, and hiding his face on his
arms. "You may rub," Steve said gently. Immediately, Kevin's hands
went where they had so long wanted to go and finally as the sting
began to subside a little so did the intensity of his distress. He
pressed his face into the back of the chair and sobbed quietly, as he
continued trying to rub the burn from his bottom.
Matt got up and approached Steve as hushed whispers
rippled through the room and Ryan made his way over to Danny as
the two older students began to converse in low tones. Danny was a
wreck. He had his hands over his face and he was crying harder even
than Kevin, now. "Come on, Little Bro," Ryan put his arm around
him, "you're doing fine. Everything will be ok." He tried to pull
Danny's hands from his face, so he could see his brother's eyes, and
as he did so, he caught a glimpse of the damage Kevin had done
with his nails. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed, taking hold of Danny's
arm and gently pushing up his sleeve to expose the mass of purple
and red scratch marks. Some of the marks were fairly deep. They
were red and inflamed and starting to puff up. "Steve!" Ryan called,
interrupting his brothers' whispered conversation. Steve looked his
way. "We'll be back," Ryan held out Danny's arm and Steve paled,
nodding in comprehension. "Come on, Bro, come with me," Ryan
encouraged, keeping his arm around Danny and ushering him
towards the door of the common room. Danny went quietly,
allowing his brother to guide him into the hallway, up the stairs, and
into one of the four house bathrooms.
Ryan then let go of his little brother whose agitation had not
abated much, and began gathering supplies from the medicine
cabinet. He immediately found the peroxide, and after a brief hunt
he was also able to produce some antiseptic ointment, some gauze, a
roll of adhesive tape, and a tiny pair of nail scissors. "Sit," Ryan
indicated the toilet as he put the seat down and closed the lid.
Automatically, Danny obeyed, and for a moment all was quiet as
Ryan began to minister to his arm. The gentle attention had a
pacifying effect on Danny and finally he began to calm down.
He screwed up his face as Ryan swabbed his arm with
peroxide, but after the initial sting had passed, the persistent burn
left by Kevins nail marks became considerably duller, and he
looked at his brother gratefully. For a moment they remained silent
as Ryan began to dab the gauze pads with ointment. He placed the
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pads evenly, and then took a firm grip on Danny's arm as he began
to tape it up. Finally, he met his little brother's eyes. "Is there any
place you're not bruised?" he asked with gentle sarcasm.
"My ass," Danny responded sullenly.
`Yeah, but for how long?' Ryan pondered dejectedly,
dropping his eyes back to the work he was doing. `How long would
Steve wait?' he wondered. `Just long enough for the rest of these
bruises to heal.' He couldn't stop the bitter thought from popping
into his head and he sighed, careful now to keep his eyes away from
Danny. `If only I could have kept my own temper!' he berated
himself. `Then I know I could have talked Steve out of it.' His throat
tightened and he swallowed. As it was, he knew he would be
acquiring some new bruises of his own.
"I can't do this anymore!" Danny choked, interrupting Ryan's
thoughts as he cut the last strip of tape and let go of his brother's
arm.
"Well, you certainly can't hold him anymore," Ryan agreed.
"No Ry, I mean I can't go back down there. It's too hard! I
just can't do it!"
"Yes you can, Dan. Come on, it's almost over. We'll get
through this. I'll help you," Ryan encouraged quietly. Danny was
becoming agitated again, and after a minute Ryan inquired, "What's
the alternative, Danny? To leave Kevin down there without any
support at all? Is that what you want?"
Danny was silent for a minute as he fought with his
emotions, but finally he shook his head. "No, I guess not," he
sobbed.
"I didn't think so," Ryan replied softly. "It'll be all right," he
said again as Danny brushed at his cheeks in frustration. "Besides,"
he added, "we really can't afford to piss Steve off anymore. I think
we've just about hit our quota." Danny looked up quickly and met
his brother's eyes. Ryan hadn't really meant the comment to be
funny, but the corners of his mouth tilted just the same, and even
Danny smiled a little through his tears. They had a lot more
breathing room than others did, they knew, when it came to pissing
Steve off. For them to have met their quota in this respect was a
fairly impressive thing.
"How we doin'?" Steve's best friend, Kurt, appeared in the
doorway. Ryan and Danny locked eyes and remained silent. "Your
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brother's gettin' a little antsy," Kurt tried again.

"Ok," Ryan responded, "we're coming." Finally, Danny got
to his feet. "You ready?" Ryan asked, and Danny nodded. "Let's go,"
Ryan said softly. With an embarrassed sidelong glance at Kurt,
Danny walked past him and into the hallway. Ryan followed him
and Kurt brought up the rear.
"How antsy is he?" Ryan asked after a moment, dropping
back beside Kurt.
Kurt looked at him and smiled. "You know Steve when it
comes to you, Ryan. He's fine. He just wanted to be sure you were
coming back." Ryan nodded and breathed a little easier. "How's
Danny?" Kurt asked in a low tone of concern.
"He's been better," Ryan sighed, and Kurt put a hand on his
shoulder.
"Hang in there, Kid," he comforted.
With feet as heavy as his heart, Danny made his way down
the stairs. He wanted nothing more than to retreat. As the low
murmurings from the common room came closer, the impulse to
turn and run for his room became stronger, but he knew his big
brother wouldn't permit it. Besides, Ryan was right. Kevin needed
him. It would be wrong to abandon him now and, as Ryan had also
pointed out, they had to watch their ps and q's a little around
Steve. It was definitely not a good time to embarrass him. He had
reached the doorway of the common room now, and he paused as he
took in the scene.
Kevin had calmed considerably, and in fact did not appear to
be crying at the moment. He was still crumpled over the chair where
they had left him, his face pressed into the cushions as he attempted
to rub the burn from his bottom. Danny bit his lip and swallowed
hard as he took in the bruised and inflamed state of his little
brother's hind end. He couldn't bear the idea of contributing to
further punishment. Uneasily, he shifted his eyes to the activity in
the rest of the room. Things had changed slightly. The line between
upper and lower classmen had blurred. The sophomores and juniors
were interspersed with the visibly upset freshmen, and though the
seniors for the most part remained aloof, there were a few to be
found in the midst of their own little family units, their arms around
their youngest brothers as the concerned juniors and sophomores
looked on. Danny's eyes came to a rest on his own two oldest
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brothers who were still deep in serious conversation, and Danny

guiltily wondered if Steve was informing Matt of the bad behavior
he and Ryan had displayed earlier in the day.
At that moment Gregg Mcarthy looked up from where he
was whispering amongst his own ragtag bunch of villainous friends,
and he smirked as he caught sight of Danny hovering in the
doorway. Others followed his gaze, and slowly a hush descended,
leaving the room in stillness once more. Kevin turned his head to
look at him too, as the room quieted, and Danny's stomach churned
as he looked at his little brother's petrified expression. He felt Ryan's
strong hands on his shoulders as he came up behind him, and despite
his thoughts of a few moments before, it was only his brother's
physical presence that kept him from bolting now.
Ryan waited patiently, sensing his little brother's emotions,
and Kurt hung back respectfully, too. After a moment, however,
when Danny still hadn't moved, Ryan tightened his grip. "Come on,
Bro," he whispered, "let's just get him through this." Danny looked
up at him and Ryan squeezed his shoulders as he saw the tears in his
little brother's eyes. Danny bit hard on his lip, but finally he nodded,
and with Ryan behind him, he slowly entered the room, and
approached his little brother.
The room settled completely as the two brothers entered the
room with Steve's best friend tagging after them. Those who were
not sitting sat, and the random whispers that Danny and Ryan's
reappearance had sparked were quelled. Kurt made his way through
the room as discretely as possible and took his seat amongst Steve's
other friends. As he sat down next to him, his friend Mike caught his
eyes. "Are they doing ok?" he whispered. Kurt bit his lip; his
expression was the only answer Mike needed.
"Are you ok, Kev'bo?" Danny asked softly as he and Ryan came up
beside their little brother. It seemed like sort of a stupid question,
especially as Kevin looked up at him, his eyes brimming with
resentful tears. "Hang in there, Bud," Danny placed his hand on his
back as his little brother hid his face once more. "It will all be over
soon."

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File Nine
The Resolution
"Help your brothers boat across and your own will reach
the shore."
-Hindu Proverb
A leader takes people where they want to go. A great
leader takes people where they dont necessarily want to
go, but ought to be.
- Rosalyn Carter
Matt and Steve had been finishing their own whispered conversation
as their younger brothers entered the room, and now Matt looked
frowningly in Ryans direction. Ryan dropped his gaze, avoiding his
oldest brothers eyes and turning his attention instead to Danny and
Kevin. He didnt want to think about the conversation Steve and
Matt had been having. He could guess easily enough what they had
been talking about, and the look Matt had just given him didnt bode
well for his own future ability to sit down comfortably.
Its all
right, Kev, he echoed Dannys attempt at comfort with a new, more
potent empathy. He too placed his hand soothingly on his youngest
brothers back, but Kevin didnt respond.
After a minute, Ryan tentatively raised his eyes again, and flinched
as he met Steves grim expression. Give us your hands, Bud, he
coaxed his youngest brother softly as he saw Steve tighten his grip
on the paddle.
Kevin looked up, and, following his older brothers gaze, he
clutched his bottom harder, burying his face once more as tears
began to streak his cheeks. Matt quietly took his seat among the
seniors and, wordlessly, Steve approached his three brothers.
Come on, Man, Danny added his encouragement. Lets
just get it over with.
Kevin was sobbing hard again now, but he had learned his
earlier lessons well, and after a minute he obediently brought his
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hands to the top of the chair. He did not fight Danny and Ryan this
time. In fact, he seemed somewhat comforted by their presence; he
just pressed his face into the chair again, and wept as they gently
pinned his arms.
Kevin, Steve began, his voice tight with the emotion he
had so far successfully suppressed. The extreme degree of his
brothers distress was starting to affect him. He could hardly stand
the way Danny was looking at him, and Ryan would not look at him
at all now. His throat constricted once more as he continued. As
bad and irresponsible as your behavior has been this semester,
overall, it is not your excessive partying, your failing grades, or your
inattention to fraternity rules that has earned you this punishment
tonight. These infractions, as serious as they are, on their own make
you no different than the majority of your classmates, and there is
more than enough time for sufficient improvement if you work hard
from here on in. He paused and Kevins retching sobs filled the
otherwise silent room.
There is one distinguishing factor, however, that has led you
to be singled out tonight, Steve finally went on, and that is your
attitude. Your behavior to the fraternity in general these last few
weeks, and specifically your behavior towards Danny, Ryan, and me
has been absolutely unacceptable. We are here to help you, Kevin,
to guide you through this first year. We all remember how difficult
it was, and all the advice we offer is given with nothing but the best
of intentions. You may not like what we have to say, you may
disagree with us, but you are still required to respect us. Do you
understand?
Yes, Kevin sobbed, without lifting his head.
From here on in, Steve continued, there will be no more
drinking or partying in general until you get your grades up. There
will also be no more girls! Danny, Ryan, and I will monitor your
class work and your schedule closely. Danny will help you come up
with a study plan that you will stick to religiously, and you will
report to him each day. You will keep an assignment book, which he
will check, and if he feels at any time that you are lying or
concealing things from him he will bring the matter to my attention.
You and I will then have another discussion very similar to the one
we are having right now. Is that clear?
Yes, Kevin choked once more.
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Because you have lied to him in the past, in keeping track

of your activities now, Danny will have the right, if needs be, to
consult your professors regarding your progress. You will sign a
statement giving him that right. Understood? Kevin was sobbing
so hard now that he could not answer right away, and Danny
squeezed his arm. Answer me, Kevin, Steve prompted.
Yes, ok! I understand! Kevin wailed.
Good. There will be no leisure activities at all, with the
exception of team practices, until you complete each days
scheduled assignments. There will be no more backtalk or vulgar
language! You will address all of your professors and fellow
fraternity members respectfully, and you will especially watch your
tone when you are addressing the three of us. Is that clear?
Yes, Kevin sobbed once more. Im sorry! Im so sorry!
He was unable to articulate any other thought he might have had as
he dissolved into choking, hysterical sobs, and Danny rubbed his
back soothingly.
All right, Little Bro, Steve softened his tone. You are not
the only one who has had to learn these lessons the hard way. Ryan
and Danny both acknowledged their older brothers words with
another affectionate squeeze. Many of us, in our time, have been
where you are. Some of us, he looked around the room in general,
still choose the harder path to learn our lessons by, and though you
have many things still to learn, Kev, it took great courage for you to
admit your mistakes tonight, and Im proud of you!
Understand, Steve turned to the rest of the freshmen, that
I would make no different decisions if this were the beginning of the
semester once more! I would still pick Kevin to be my youngest
brother, and it is because he is my brother that I am hard on him
now, not because I have doubts about the choice I made. There is
not a single one among you who has any reason to think yourself
better than him. It is his job as my youngest brother to set an
example for you to learn from, and that is what this is about. As
Danny said earlier, Kevin is taking the heat for all of you tonight, so
pay attention and learn from his mistakes; then, hopefully, you will
not have to learn the hard way like he did. Kevin, Danny, and Ryan
were definitely not the only ones affected by Steves stern
admonition, and it was with a heavy heart that the fraternity
president turned to face his three younger brothers once more. It
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was time to get this night over with for good.

Kevin began to calm slightly, now. Steves words, though
they did nothing for his burning posterior, nevertheless acted as a
soothing balm to his equally wounded heart, and Ryan and Danny
now seemed more agitated by comparison than he was. As they felt
Steves eyes on them, Kevins two older brothers did their best to
pull themselves together and meet his gaze, but the severe
expression they encountered caused them to fall completely to
pieces. Lift his shirt up, Steve instructed them in the same
patiently paternal tone he had been using with them all night.
Danny was sobbing again by now, and Ryan too was battling his
emotions, but they didnt dare disobey, and they each tightened their
grip on Kevins arm, hoping to communicate their support to their
little brother as they did what they were told, pinning his t-shirt
about half-way up his back, leaving his already damaged bottom
completely vulnerable and exposed.
Kevin found strength as his brothers fell apart, and, though a
shock went through him when his t-shirt was lifted, he took a deep
breath and steeled himself for the punishment he knew would
follow. I want you to understand, Kevin, how serious I consider
this issue of respect to be, Steve reprimanded softly. That is why
we are going to go through my list of expectations one by one now,
while I have your attention. He pressed the paddle firmly into his
brothers bottom and Kevin winced. Im sorry we had to do it this
way, Little Bro, but this was the only way we felt we could get
through. Dont forget to count and when I ask you if you understand
please answer me with a clear yes, or no. Do you understand?
Yes, Kevin moaned. He gripped his brothers hands, and stifling
his sobs in the top of the chair, he let Steves comforting words run
through his head. It is my duty to set an example, he thought, an
example my friends and classmates can follow. Steves proud of
me, the thought continued as tears of a more cathartic kind started
to streak his face. Im going to do a better job, he vowed to
himself, and he meant it. He would eventually return to that
resolution and stick to it, faithfully, but there was a lot of emotion
for him to work through between now and then. He had a lot of hurt
feelings that it would take time to heal, not the least of which was
his anger towards Danny. Kevin, at the moment, was feeling
comforted by his brothers presence, Steves words, and the
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acceptance on a deep level that he did deserve this punishment. His

impulse was to forgive and forget and try harder, but Kevin was
young and not yet fully aware of how complex human emotions can
be. He did not yet understand that sometimes our own feelings
betray us, making rifts harder to repair than we want them to be.
He inhaled deeply as he felt the paddle leave his bottom, and
he clutched Danny and Ryans hands harder. They returned the
pressure, and the room became still once more. There was not a
whisper or a breath to be heard, anywhere. First, Steves voice
rang out, there will be no more back talking! Do you understand?
Yes, Kevins voice shook. WHACK! The paddle landed
hard in the center of his bottom and Kevin threw his head back.
AHH! ONE!
There will be no more whining, sulking, stamping,
slamming doors, throwing things or other tantrum like behavior! Do
you understand?
Yes, Kevin sobbed. WHACK! OWW! Kevin shot up in
his impulse to reach, but Ryan and Danny kept his hands firmly
grasped in their own. Two! their little brother choked.
There will be no more vulgar language directed at your
fraternity brothers, ever, at any time! Is that understood? Kevin bit
his lip as he hid his face again in the top of the chair. It was so hard
to answer when he knew his effort would only be rewarded with
another stinging smack across his bottom. Answer me, Kevin!
Yes, he sobbed finally, I understand! WHACK! Kevins
face contorted, and he pulled his bottom inward, fighting desperately
to free his hands, but once again Danny and Ryan hung on.
THREE! he wailed.
You will be respectful at all times! Steve drew back again
and WHACK! He brought the paddle down hard once more.
AHH! Kevin grimaced, clenching his teeth and pressing
his cheek hard against the chair as he sobbed. Four! Danny and
Ryan continued to offer all the little physical gestures of comfort
they could, but they could not think of anything reassuring to say,
and they were too broken up now to express themselves clearly
anyway.
You will be polite when you are addressing your teammates
and peers . . . . WHACK!
OWWW! Kevin shrieked. Five!
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When you are addressing your professors . . . . WHACK!

SIX! Kevin yelped, squirming hard in his effort to get
away. Thats six, he sobbed, finally into the chair, his shoulders
heaving in frustration.
And you will especially be considerate when you are
addressing Danny and Ryan! Do you hear me?
YES! OK! Im Sorry!
Dont tell me! Tell them!
Im sorry, Kevin whimpered, looking tearfully at his big
brothers.
Its all right, Bud, Ryan replied huskily. Danny couldnt
even answer him. He just took his hand from Kevins t-shirt,
placing it instead on the back of his little brothers head, and leaving
Ryan to take up the extra material as Kevins shirt slipped slightly.
You will remember words like please and thank you, you
will not interrupt when someone else is speaking, and you will not
raise your voice! Do you understand?
Yes! Kevin keened. WHACK! Kevin threw his head back,
gritting his teeth as his bottom shot inward once more. SEVEN!
Please, Steve, Please!
You will tone down the sarcasm, particularly when you are
being addressed on serious subjects such as your grades or class
work. Do you understand?
Yes, Sir, Kevin sniffed. WHACK! AHH! GOD!
FUCKING JESUS CHRIST! I mean . . . Im sorry! Im sorry!
All right Little Bro, Steve appeased, making up his mind
to let the transgression slide. What stroke was that?
Eight, Kevin sobbed.
Ok, were almost done. From now on, you will be on time
to your classes, to team practices, and to fraternity meetings! Under
no circumstances are you to miss any of the above without clearing
it with Danny! Do you understand?
Yes, Sir, Kevin wept. WHACK! OWW! OWW, please!
Thats nine! he pleaded. Please!
I will not tolerate any more rudeness of any kind, Kevin! Is
that clear?
Yes! Its clear! he bawled. Its so clear!
Steve aimed the last stroke directly under Kevins bottom, and his
little brother howled, shooting straight up and pulling frantically at
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Ryan and Dannys hands as the fire in his bottom pushed every other
thought from his head. He did not count, but Steve decided not to
force the issue. He could tell that Kevin had had enough. He
nodded at Danny and Ryan, and with palpable relief, they let their
little brother go. Danny buried his face in his hands and Ryan
turned away, biting hard on his lip as he too struggled to pull himself
together. Kevin remained crumpled over the chair, digging his nails
into the cushions as he once again remembered his lesson from
earlier. As desperately as he wanted to, he did not rub.
All right, Little Bro, stand up and face me, Steve directed
softly. Slowly, with stiff, painful movements, Kevin did as he was
told, holding his hands in front of him and digging his nails into his
palms. You may rub, Steve authorized affectionately, and his little
brother, amidst a fresh burst of relieved sobs, immediately availed
himself of the permission. Come here, Steve held out his arm, and
Kevin went to him, burying his face in his chest as Steve closed his
arm around him.
Im proud of you, Kev, Steve whispered. You showed a
lot of courage tonight. Kevin just continued to sob. Tomorrow,
after youve had some time to think about all this, I want you to do
two things for me, ok? Are you listening? Kevin still couldnt
speak, but he nodded against his brothers shoulder. First, I want
you to draw up a list of all the rules we discussed tonight as you
understand them. Danny, Ryan, and I will all look at it. We will
continue to discuss and revise it until we have a list we can all four
agree on, and then we will all sign it. Ok? Thats one. Kevin
nodded again. Two, I want you to draft a schedule for yourself,
blocking out all your study times, practice times, and class times for
the next three weeks. You and Danny will go through this process
more formally next semester, but for now I just want to know that
youre getting to your classes and doing your work. Once again,
Danny, Ryan, and I will look at it, and help you refine it if we have
any concerns. We are all going to keep a copy, so we know where
you are and when you should be studying. Ok? Kevin nodded
once more, crying harder, and clinging to Steves neck.
I know this is all very overwhelming right now, Kevbo,
and I know its going to be an adjustment for you, but Danny, Ryan,
and I all see how much potential you have, and we just want to help
you live up to it. We are at least going to make sure you dont fail,
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and if we have to get a little deeper into your business to prevent

that possibility, then thats what were going to do. Understand?
His tone was gentle, and carried no further trace of strictness or
severity. He was no longer the fraternity president fulfilling his
duty, now. He was just Kevins big brother, and he was trying to
comfort him the best way he knew how.
Kevin clung to him for another couple of minutes and Steve
held him as he cried. Ryan and Danny were still trying to collect
themselves, but the rest of the room was quiet. Go on, now, and get
to the corner, Kevin, Steve ordered finally, and his voice, though it
was not loud, carried in the still stunned silence of the room. While
you are there, I want you to think about how you ended up there,
and what you can do differently next semester. I am going to
dismiss the meeting by class, and when everyone has gone, you may
go too, but not before. Do you understand? Kevin nodded against
his chest, and Steve squeezed his shoulder. All right, Little Bro, go
on.
With a heavy, shuddering sigh, Kevin left the safe confines
of his brothers arm and limped his way to the far corner. He
collapsed into sobs as he reached it, and he leaned his head against
the wall. He brought his hands to his bottom, but he did not even
really have the energy to rub anymore. Steve turned to face the
freshmen, and surreptitiously, with a furtive glance at Steve, Danny
made his way over to his little brother. He placed his arm around
him, and Kevin turned his face into his chest. Danny held him tight.
Hang in there, Bro, he managed brokenly. Its almost over, now.
Here, Kevin felt his brother press something hard into his hand and
he looked down. It was the key to Dannys single room. Single
rooms were rare commodities in the house. Not many people had
one, and they were awarded by merit. Both Danny and Ryan had
one this year and Kevin was one of many in the fraternity who
envied them. Now he clung to his brother, keeping tight hold of the
key and sobbing.
But where are you going to stay? he protested.
With Ryan, Danny replied throatily. We agreed a long
time ago that we would do this. Everything is set. We brought a cot
in yesterday, we moved your books and some of your clothes into
my room, and I have everything I need in Ryans room. You can
stay as long as you want . . . .
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But where was I? Kevin sobbed in exasperation. How

did I not know about all this?
Danny brought his hands up to Kevins face, trying to dry
some of his tears with his thumbs as he met his little brothers
searching eyes. You were thinking about your birthday, Danny
murmured, and planning all the different ways you were going to
celebrate it . . ., his voice cracked as Kevin hid his face on his
shoulder once more. Im sorry, Kev, he whispered as his brother
cried. Im so sorry.
As Danny held Kevin, Steve began to dismiss the rest of the
meeting. He cautioned the freshmen to remember the example they
had been set tonight, and warned them again that many of them were
on a track to face similar consequences if they did not shape up
immediately. He glanced at the scene taking place in the corner and
sighed. Danny was not supposed to be over there. Kevin, in the
tradition of the fraternity, was supposed to be using these last few
minutes to reflect on the night, and the mistakes he had made this
past semester. He was supposed to be standing in the corner by
himself as one last warning to the already shaken freshmen as they
filed by him, but Steve simply did not have it in him to be that hard
hearted. The point has been made, he thought wryly. Let it rest.
That sounded very good to him, and that is just what he did. You
may go, he turned back to the youngest fraternity members. They
did not wait for a second invitation, and as they passed by their
disgraced companion, the disconcerted glances they cast his way
made it abundantly clear to Steve that no further example was
needed.
Sophomores, he continued as the last of the freshmen
disappeared, thank you for all your help tonight. You are all doing
an excellent job of mentoring. This next semester is of the utmost
importance as you all know. Please inform me early if things are not
going well. It will be difficult to fix things at the last minute and, as
you are aware, after this semester there will be no second chances.
Thank you again for your help. Keep up the good work, and you
may go. The sophomores got to their feet and slowly made their
way from the room. Some of them were talking quietly amongst
themselves. There were a few glances thrown in Danny and Kevins
direction, but most of these were prompted by sympathy for their
friend and his little brother. They were not as visibly upset as the
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freshmen, not this year.

Juniors, thank you, you may go, Steve spared them the
fanfare. They had heard it all before. They followed their little
brothers, some of them stopping briefly to talk to Ryan and offer
their support. He had grown considerably calmer now, but he was
still feeling crummy. It didnt get easier; that was for sure. What
would next year be like? His stomach lurched as the question flitted
briefly through his mind. He didnt want to think about it.
All right everyone, Steve turned at last to his peers,
thanks for all your support tonight. I appreciate it more than I can
say! You can go. The seniors too had been whispering amongst
themselves as the underclassmen exited, but now, out of respect for
Steve and his younger brothers, they stopped their conversations, got
to their feet, and made their way slowly out of the room; well most
of them did. Some of them placed reassuring hands on Steves back
or shoulder as they passed by him, and Steve acknowledged their
support gratefully. He watched the last of his classmates as they
disappeared, and then turned to face his brothers. It was not Danny,
Kevin, Ryan, or Matt, however, that he encountered as he turned,
and he narrowed his eyes lividly. He was staring down at Gregg
Mcarthys simpering face.
I believe Ill do some studying, Gregg Mcarthy quipped,
dragging an empty chair forward and propping up his feet. He
picked a book up off the floor that wasnt even his and opened it.
What? he asked, feigning innocence as he met the fraternity
presidents smoldering eyes. Kevie wont mind standing there for
just a little longer, will he? Gregg probably to this day has no real
concept of how close he came to losing his life in that moment, but
fortunately Matt was there.
Give me that! He stepped between Steve and Gregg and
forcibly took the paddle from his little brother. Then in one quick
movement he collared Gregg and jerked him to his feet, causing the
book to fall to the floor once more. You are coming with me, he
informed the astonished senior as he hustled him towards the back
door. We are going to have a long discussion right now, Mcarthy,
concerning what is and is not appropriate and respectful behavior.
No, wait! Matt, please! I was just joking, Man! Come
on . . . . It was quite a sight to see: Matt dragging a pleading and
whimpering Gregg Mcarthy across the common room. But Steve
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and Ryan were way too emotionally drained to enjoy it, and Kevin
and Danny did not even seem to be aware that it was happening.
Matt, Steve called tiredly, and his big brother looked back
as he reached the back door with his struggling captive firmly in
hand. Since youre going that way, anyway, would you send James
and company back in here, please?
Matt nodded. Not a problem, he responded as he swung
the heavy wooden door open. Gregg was still protesting as Matt
pulled him roughly outside, letting the screen door clatter shut
behind them.
Steve looked at his three younger brothers as he found
himself alone with all of them for the first time since their pool
game that morning. How far away that seemed now. Tears stung his
eyes. It was hard to say who was having the hardest time, but Kevin
and Danny had each other, and Steves first concern was for Ryan.
Silently, he made his way over to his little brother, who stood alone
to the side. He was still trying desperately to get himself together as
he pressed his fingers to his eyes and swiped roughly at
the tears that escaped. He was not having much success, however,
and as Steve placed his arm around him, he gave up the effort
altogether, beginning to sob in earnest as he laid his head against his
big brothers shoulder.
There was no time for the comforting words Steve was
preparing in his head as the screen door banged once more, letting
the four occupants of the room know that they were no longer
alone. Steve looked up to see Danny, Ryan, and Kevins best friends
standing frozen at the far end of the room, their eyes fixed anxiously
on the scene in front of them. Sean closed the wooden door softly,
and Steve beckoned them forward. Still, they hesitated. Come on,
its all right, Steve encouraged a little impatiently, and finally, with
a sidelong glance at his brothers and friends, Sean started towards
the president. Andrew followed him, and a moment later, the others
did too. They came to a rest in front of Steve, and for a minute, no
one said anything. Ryan, Danny, and Kevin seemed oblivious to the
presence of their friends.
I want to thank you, Steve began quietly, looking
particularly at Sean and Jesse, for everything you did tonight and
all the help you have given us over the last couple of days. He
shifted his eyes to include Andrew and Patrick. I know this night
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was not much easier on you guys than it was on us. Youve all been
tremendously supportive and I dont know what we would have
done without you.
We wanted to help, Steve, Sean responded quietly. I just
wish we could have done more.
You did plenty, the president rewarded the lanky young
man with the beginnings of a smile as he squeezed Ryans shoulder
and pulled his little brother closer. He was glad Ryan had a friend
like Sean to turn to.
Alex and James come out here, please, Steve summoned
the two freshmen with an air of resigned determination. They had
been cowering in the middle of the pack, hoping to remain
unnoticed, and now they came timidly forward as Andrew and Sean
reluctantly parted to let them through. Jesse placed a reassuring
hand on his brothers shoulder, and James dropped his eyes as Steve
glared at him. I know how difficult and shocking tonight has been
for both of you, Steve started evenly, and I can appreciate the
passion you displayed in defense of your friend. Kevin is extremely
lucky to have you both in his corner. That is still no excuse,
however, for the disrespectful behavior you displayed tonight!
Sorry, Alex and James mumbled, looking at the ground.
I hope so, Steve retorted. Alex, look at me, please.
Tentatively, Alex obeyed, shrinking against his big brother as he met
Steves stern eyes. Patrick placed a hand on his shoulder as the
president continued. Be advised, Young Man, that Pat and I will be
keeping in close touch from here on in regarding your progress.
Your performance has been barely satisfactory this semester, and I
urge you to spend some time rethinking your priorities before a
more serious discussion concerning your habits and behavior
becomes necessary!
Yes, Sir, Alex replied meekly, glancing at James.
Steve too shifted his eyes once again to the more disgraced
of Kevins two friends. Im afraid you and I are going to have to
have a long talk tomorrow, James, his voice was gentle, but stern,
and Sean and Jesse both paled as tears filled their little brothers
eyes.
Is that really necessary, Steve? The soft question came
from Ryan, showing them all that he was more cognizant than they
had imagined him to be. He had composed himself considerably by
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now, and Steve looked fondly down at him as his little brother
looked at him pleadingly. Steve brought his hand up to brush at
some stray tears that were still trickling down Ryans face and he
remained quiet for a moment. It was an accident, Ryan continued
softly, grasping hopefully at the indecision with which he equated
his brothers silence.
Steve raised his eyebrows at him, An accident? he
questioned. You think it was an accident? Come on, Ryan. There
was the tiniest glint of amusement in the fraternity presidents eyes,
now, as he looked at his little brother. He knew what Ryan was
trying to do, and he wanted to give in. He wanted to, but he
couldnt. It would be wrong to let this go. Danny, come here for a
moment, please, he called.
Do I have to? Danny demanded from the corner.
Yes, you have to, Steve insisted. Reluctantly, Danny
separated himself from Kevin, leaving his little brother to sob in the
corner by himself as he made his way quietly to stand just in back of
Steves shoulder. Come on, Steve encouraged, come up here so
they can see you. Biting his lip, Danny did as he was told,
avoiding Jesse and Patricks eyes as he stepped up behind his
brother. They had not seen the damage yet, and now they both
sucked in their breath.
Jesus Christ, Jesse muttered.
James snuck a look as he heard his brothers horrified
exclamation, and as he saw Dannys face, he started to sob. Im
sorry! he exclaimed. Im so sorry! Jesse tightened his grip on his
little brothers shoulder as an awkward silence fell. Dannys red,
swollen eyes and tear streaked cheeks might have made things look
a little worse than they were, but it was bad. There was no doubt
about that. Alex gaped at him in dismay and Sean and Andrew
shifted uneasily.
Its ok, Bud, Im ok, Danny finally broke the silence as
Jamess agonized sobs continued to fill the air.
No! Steve contradicted sharply. No, its not OK! Ill have
you know, James, he went on grimly, that I was this close, he
illustrated with his thumb and forefinger, to having you switch
places with Kevin tonight! This, he reached up to grasp Dannys
jaw gently in his hand, was NOT an accident.
Ok, Ryan acknowledged fretfully as he tried to regain his
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brothers attention, but James just reacted, Steve. He didnt mean

to hurt Danny so badly. Its been a very long night for all of us.
Cant we just let it go? Please?
Steve tightened his arm around his brother, but he was
looking at Sean and Jesse, now. Does he know what a summons
is? he asked quietly, indicating their little brother. They swallowed
hard and nodded as James started to cry harder.
No! Danny cried as the significance of the conversation
finally caught up with him, but Steve ignored him.
Look for one tomorrow, James, he instructed Kevins best
friend with dismal finality.
No! Steve, come on! Please! Danny begged. He didnt
mean it to happen! Cant we just forget it, please?
No, Danny. Im afraid we cant. We simply do not do these
kinds of things to one another, in this fraternity. In this fraternity,
we do not fight! The pointed reprimand went over the heads of the
youngest fraternity members, but nobody else missed it. Ryan and
Danny lost what little color they had left in their faces, and Danny
clutched his head in exasperation. They had no leverage in this
situation, clearly, where they might have had some before. Steve
had grabbed hold of this fighting thing now, and he was intent on
making his point. For a minute, Steves younger brothers were
quiet, not knowing what else to say. They avoided their friends
eyes and Patrick, Andy, Sean, and Jesse shifted restlessly as James
continued to weep.
Does it have to be tomorrow? Ryan choked, finally, still
clinging to his brother. Cant it wait a little?
Well talk about it later, Ry, Steve responded, hugging his
little brother close to his side.
But Steve, please . . . . Danny entreated desperately.
Later, Danny, Steve repeated. Well talk about it later.
Steve had no intention of changing his mind, but he also had no
intention of arguing with his brothers at the moment, and he could
tell they werent going to let the issue go. Danny and Ryan both
opened their mouths to protest, but Steve held up his hand to cut
them off. It is late, he continued decisively. We are all exhausted,
and it is time that we all went to bed.
It had been a very long night as Ryan had previously pointed
out, and now was not the time to talk about this. He certainly was
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not going to involve his brothers already anxious friends in the

dispute. Besides, if Ryan and Danny were going to insist on bringing
this subject up right now, he had things to say to them that he would
rather nobody else heard. Go on back to Kevin, he commanded
his second youngest brother in a tone that was not to be argued with.
Lets get him upstairs, so we can all start to put this night behind
us. With an anguished look of apology in Jesses direction, Danny
did as he was told, and Ryan buried his face on Steves shoulder
once more. Thanks again, guys, Steve turned back to his brothers
friends. Ry and I are going to help Danny get Kevin upstairs. Why
dont the rest of you go on and go to bed. Well see you guys,
tomorrow.
Night Steve, Andrew returned quietly, and, ushering Alex
before them, Andy and Patrick headed for the hallway. Jesse and
Sean started to follow with James, but Steve placed a hand on Seans
arm, and covering Ryans ear with his hand, he mouthed, Make
sure he, he pointed at James, checks his mail early tomorrow.
Sean swallowed again, but he nodded. He had one hand on each of
his little brothers now, and he offered Steve one final good night as
he guided both Jesse and James towards the door of the common
room.
Not long after Sean and Jesse had gone with their little
brother, Danny came up behind Steve and Ryan with Kevin. He had
his hand on his little brothers shoulder and was carrying his jeans.
Kevin had managed to pull his underwear painfully back up over his
still burning bottom, but Danny had seen no point in having him go
through the excruciating business of pulling up his jeans when he
was just going to take them off again upstairs.
Poor Kevin. Upstairs seemed such a very long ways away
now and getting there was such a very slow, disconcerting process.
All he wanted was a bed and a pillow, and an opportunity to cry
himself to sleep. He couldnt think straight at all, and he leaned
heavily on Danny as they inched their way up the stairs. Steve and
Ryan came behind. Danny took the spare key he had given Kevin
from his little brothers hand and opened the door to his room,
steering his little brother inside to the bed. Ryan and Steve saw
them that far, and then left them with some last gentle words of
encouragement for Kevin. Kevin was not really paying attention by
that time, though. He already had his face buried deep in the pillow,
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and he was hugging it tight to his chest as he sobbed.

Ill be down in a bit, Danny managed brokenly as he
followed his big brothers to the door. I just want to make sure hes
all right.
Ryan nodded. Take your time, Bro, he responded hoarsely.
Well see you in a little while. The two brothers shared, in that
moment, a look that spoke volumes. For them, they suspected, the
night was not yet quite over and Ryan gave his little brothers
shoulder one final parting squeeze before he followed Steve into the
hallway, and closed the door softly behind him.
Alone, finally, with his own little brother, Danny dropped to
his knees beside him. There was a pile of icepacks on the nightstand
that he and Ryan had brought in earlier. They were the kind that you
had to crush to activate. Danny took one now, and immediately
began the necessary activation process, with perhaps just a little
more than the necessary amount of vigor. It was no time at all before
he felt the pack growing cold in his hands, and when it was cold
enough to satisfy him he whispered a warning to Kevin, This is
going to feel cold, Bud, but it will help. He then unceremoniously
lifted the waistband of his little brothers briefs, and as gently as
possible slid the icepack between his bottom and his underwear.
The sudden cold against his scalding skin made Kevin buck a little
and clutch the pillows tighter, but it did feel good and after a
moment he relaxed. Danny was already repeating the process and
soon Kevin had another icepack sticking out of his underpants. He
was still sobbing, but slowly, as the cold went to work soothing his
tortured bottom, the vehemence of his sobs began to subside. His
eyes began to droop as Danny stroked his hair, and at last he fell into
a deep, exhausted sleep. For at least an hour, Danny stayed with
him. Several times, he changed the icepacks which quickly warmed
beyond usefulness, and finally the cold seemed to be lasting a longer
time.
Danny prayed, as he changed the icepacks one more time,
that his little brother would sleep through the night. He remembered
all too well what those first few days after the meeting felt like.
Night, Kevbo, he whispered as he got to his feet, and gently
pulled the sheet over him. Kevins world had been turned upside
down tonight, and when he woke up Danny knew that he would feel
like everything had changed, and not for the better. He looked back
112

one more time as he silently made his way from the room. Kevin
was still sleeping soundly. Let him get a good nights sleep, Danny
thought again, hes definitely going to need it. Softly, he closed the
door and with a bitter heart made his way down the hall to Ryans
room.
Steve was still there, and Danny found his two brothers
engaged in heated conversation regarding Jamess impending
punishment. Slowly, he started to undress. He felt just as strongly as
Ryan did, but he didnt have the energy to argue about it right now.
Ryan was sitting on the cot that Danny would be sleeping on, and
now Danny stripped to his boxers and flopped down next to him,
clutching the pillows and burying his face. Ryan placed a soothing
hand on his back, but the argument continued, and a few minutes
later they were joined by Matt as they heard Gregg Mcarthys door
slam all the way down in the lower corridor of the house. If he
woke Kevin up, Ill kill him! Danny seethed into the pillow as hot
tears once more began to streak his face. That brought the
conversation to a momentary halt.
I think its all right, Matt said softly, cracking the door and
listening hard. I dont hear anything. Want me to go check on
him? Danny shook his head. If Kevin was awake, theyd probably
hear him. What were we arguing about? Matt asked quietly,
addressing Steve and Ryan now.
It wasnt an argument exactly, Steve replied softly,
glancing uneasily at Ryan. He wasnt sure he wanted his older
brother involved in this conversation right now. Matt was already
pretty put out with both Danny and Ryan. It was more of a
discussion, really, Steve went on, carefully. We were discussing
the importance of controlling our impulses and specifically we were
talking about the fraternitys position on fighting.
Ahh, I see, Matt returned, taking a seat on Ryans bed next
to Steve, and looking steadfastly at their little brother. Ryan gritted
his teeth and looked away, and for a moment, there was silence.
Would somebody like to elaborate further? Matt inquired, finally.
Steve is going to summon James, Ryan began to sob again
as all the emotions of the night resurfaced. Danny flipped over onto
his back, bringing his hand to his eyes as Ryans distress over the
situation reignited his own.
Well of course he is, Matt said gently. What other choice
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does he have?
To let it go, Danny sobbed in support of his brother.
But then, what has this whole night been about? Matt
inquired in the same soft tone. Ryan and Danny didnt respond.
There is a certain standard for the way we treat each other in this
fraternity, Matt went on, placing his hand on Steves shoulder as
Danny and Ryan continued to sob. We do not fight, he reiterated.
In that moment, Ryan and Danny knew they had lost. There
was no point in continuing the argument. They also knew the
conversation had taken a turn. This discussion was no longer about
James. Ryan placed his head in his hands and Danny covered his
eyes with his arm. Patiently, Matt and Steve waited while they tried
to collect themselves.
Are you going to summon us? Ryan queried fretfully.
Neither Matt nor Steve was really prepared for the question, and
Steve stood abruptly, turning his back and bringing his own hand to
his eyes. That was a question he did not want to think about, let
alone answer right now. He bit down on his lip hard as his little
brothers looked at him and waited.
Steve and I have not talked at length about this yet, Matt
began, gently redirecting Danny and Ryans attention as Steves
agitation became apparent, but I think you should prepare
yourselves for the answer to be yes. Both his little brothers faces
crumpled and they hid them once again, crying more quietly than
they had been before, but just as hard. For a few moments, the soft
sounds they made were the only ones to be heard, but finally Matt
broke the silence again. Why dont you go to bed, Steve, he
suggested evenly. I would like to have a private word with our
little brothers on this subject.
Dannys sobs became audible again and Ryan glanced
quickly at their oldest brother. He swallowed as he met Matts now
stern eyes, and his bottom began to tingle. Matt was not a big
believer, as all his little brothers knew, in the process of the
summons. He had certainly made use of it at times when he was
president; it was fraternity tradition, and, as such, had to be
respected, but it was far too formal and dramatic a process for his
tastes. When it came to his brothers, therefore, he was used to
employing on the spot discipline, and most of the time, he felt that
his hand, or the small wooden ping pong paddle he had nicked from
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the game room, served as a more than sufficient implement. He had,

more than once, punished Danny and Ryan this way in their
freshmen and sophomore years, though not many people knew it.
He had, in the past, punished Steve this way too, and even fewer
people knew that. In any case, they all recognized the signs. Steve
was reluctant to have the night end like this for his already
emotionally taxed little brothers, but he was also too emotional
himself to argue. Still biting his lip to keep the tears back, he made
his way over to Ryan, and placed his hands on top of his little
brothers bowed head.
We will talk more about this tomorrow, Ry, ok? he
inquired tenderly.
About James, or about us? Ryan looked tearfully up at him
and Steve cupped his face in his hands.
About both, Steve answered huskily and tears started to
streak his face despite himself as Ryan looked down again and
began to sob harder. He brushed his fingers through his little
brothers hair once more, and then catching Dannys ankle in his
hand, he gave it a brief, gentle squeeze as he made his way to the
door, and then out into the hallway.
Danny, come here, Matt called softly as the door closed.
Matt, dont, please . . ., Ryan pleaded.
Ryan, Matt looked sternly at his little brother, you and
Danny are subject to the same rules and codes of conduct as James,
Kevin, and everyone else in the fraternity. When you break rules,
there are consequences. Its as simple as that. This is not so much
about the fight because that it is too serious for me to handle right
now. This is more about the extremely awkward position the two of
you put Steve in. I want to impress upon both of you the gravity of
this situation. You have no room to be begging favors right now, for
yourselves, or for others. Your actions this afternoon left Steve with
few recourses. Danny, come here, he repeated firmly.
Anguished sobs racked Dannys shoulders as he got
hesitantly to his feet, and in one swift movement Matt took him by
the wrist and pulled him across his knees, lowering his boxers and
resting his hand on his bottom. Go on and get ready, he
commanded looking up at Ryan again as Danny twisted under his
arm. I am seriously disappointed in both of you, he scolded as he
began to spank. Danny yipped and squirmed as Matts hand fell,
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and Ryan rose sobbingly to his feet. He was still wearing his jeans,
but now as Matt continued to punish their little brother, he unzipped
and unbuttoned them, pushing them down and off.
Oww! Oww! Oww! Danny yelped and wiggled, but Matt
continued to spank him hard, toasting his bottom to a warm, rosy
pink before sending him to bed and moving on to Ryan.
Im sorry, Ryan sobbed as Matt pulled him over his knees
and lowered his boxers.
I know you are, Matt replied gently, but his hand was not
so sympathetic. Danny lay in his bed, rubbing his bottom and
sniffling as Ryan too paid his penance. Matt spanked him perhaps
just a little harder and a little longer even than he had Danny.
Ryans bottom, by the time Matt let him crawl into bed, was perhaps
just a little redder because Matt expected more of him, especially
when it came to protecting Steve and understanding his position. It
was nice to be the presidents pet, but on occasion there was a price
to be paid, and tonight Ryan paid it.
It wasnt that the spanking Matt gave either of his brothers
was very severe. Really, it was just enough to make them
uncomfortable, and the punishment hurt their hearts more than
anything. They knew they had put their big brother in a bad position
by acting on impulse the way they did. Matt had reminded them
that it was their fault, not Steves that they were in this mess. Steve
had a responsibility now; he was not in any kind of position to play
favorites, and they were the ones who had put him in that awkward
situation.
Matt was extremely fond of all his brothers, and he was sorry
this whole thing had happened. He had not wanted to punish Danny
and Ryan, but in the end he had felt it was necessary to place the
responsibility back on them. By punishing them, he had put an end
to any possible protests they might have otherwise made when more
serious consequences were handed down. There would be pleading
and begging for sure, and the scene would be plenty emotional, but
there would be no bitter sense of injustice to get in the way of their
relationship with Steve. They would remember exactly whose
impulsive actions were to blame. With the punishment he had given
his little brothers tonight, Matt had paved the way for the healing
they all so desperately needed, and he had also set the tone for the
summons Danny and Ryan would inevitably receive.
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Ryan and Danny were both crying softly still as Matt pulled
the blankets up over them. He explained his position once again,
gently, said some soothing words to both of them and then left them
to cry themselves to sleep as he turned off the light and closed the
door softly behind him.
Finally, the night was over. He checked on Kevin who was
still sleeping soundly, and then made his way down to Steves room.
A rare peace had settled over the house, and for the moment all was
quiet. There was a long way to go yet, and a great deal of emotion
to be worked through, but in those early morning hours of deep and
dreamless slumber the healing had finally begun.

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Folder Two: The Healing

File One: The Disappearance
File Two: The Quandary
File Three: The Consequence
File Four: The Melt Down
File Five: The Search
File Six: The Talk
File Seven: The Admonishment
File Eight: The Reprieve
File Nine: The Talk (Reiterated)
File Ten: The Reconciliation
File Eleven: The Portent

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File One
The Disappearance
"Life only demands from you the strength that you
possess. Only one feat is possible; not to run away. "
-Dag Hammarskjld
"Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life
has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize
it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut
our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we
deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end.
What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of
beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind.
Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision
to recognize it as such."
-Henry Miller
WHERE . . .IS . . .KRAMER???????????
The young quarterback for the Saber Bend Bulldogs was just
about to release the ball when the loud booming voice of the head
coach rang out and caused it to slip from his hand. The ball fell
uselessly to the turf and the next moment the quarterback coach was
in his face.
What in the hell was that, Lockheart? What!? You cant
hold onto the ball all of a sudden?! Danny was looking now
towards the rampaging head coach at the opposite end of the field
and Coach Ricks followed his distracted gaze. What in the hell are
you looking at? Whats wrong with you!? he demanded with
somewhat sincere amazement. Danny was a star. In fact, he was
THE star of the team (second only to Kevin Kramer), and he was
known best for his poise on the field and his collected head. He was
not normally rattled by anything, least of all the screaming of the
coaches, so what had distracted him now? That end of the field
119

does not concern you! Do you hear me? the coach continued. This
end of the field and that ball should be the only two things
concerning you right now and if you dont get your mind back
where its supposed to be, both those things are going to be
concerning you in a much more intrusive way! Are we clear!?
Yes, Coach, Danny replied automatically.
All right, then! Lets try that again. This time, hold onto the
God Damn ball until youre sure you know where its going.
Yes Sir, Danny replied again quietly and the coach moved
aside. Dannys hands shook just slightly as he picked the ball off the
ground, and as he stood up he met the concerned eyes of his two
most reliable wide receivers. Danny tried a slight smile to reassure
them, but it was no use, and he bit his lip as he brought the ball into
his chest, and turned away. He snuck another look at the head coach
who was storming his way towards the practice squad now, and he
swallowed. He looked for Jesse among the running backs, meeting
his best friends panicked eyes briefly, before necessity forced him
to look once more at his receivers. The same two players who had
met his eyes before stepped up now, their concern obviously
increasing as they willed him with their eyes to remain calm. They
knew exactly what Danny Lockhearts problem was, and for the rest
of the practice they would catch whatever he threw, no matter what
kind of acrobatics was needed to accomplish the feat.
Delane! Hanson! the head coach snapped now. Get out
here! The ranks of the practice squad parted and the two freshmen
were shoved forward by their lemming like teammates. Where is
he? The coach continued his frightening tirade as they stood
tremulously in front of him. And dont tell me you dont know!
The three of you are as thick as thieves! He was definitely pushing
the boundaries of personal space now, and Alex Delane blanched as
James Hansons face flushed with indignation.
Hes sick, Sir, Alex replied timidly.
Bullshit! Thats Bullshit, Delane! Dont you feed me that
crap! You think I was born yesterday?! The coach aimed all his ire
in Alexs direction now and Alex shrank against James. You
pansy! Stand up straight when Im talking to you! Alex, with
obvious chagrin, did as requested, and Jamess fists curled into balls
at his side as his face turned still a deeper shade of red. WHERE IS
HE?!
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Alex is telling you the truth, Coach, James interjected.

Kevin is sick!
Horseshit! The coach redirected his gaze to James, but
James did not shrink. He met the coachs blazing eyes head on. It
has been over a week! Coach Becket snapped. If he was that sick,
hed be in the hospital or dead! Now, you tell me where he is, or you
two jokers are going to spend the rest of this practice running the
bleachers! You have three seconds! James clenched his fists tightly,
and Alex swallowed. One! Kevins two friends remained silent.
Two! James lost some of his color, and Alex pressed close to him
once more. Three! Coach Anderson! The head coach summoned
the assistant practice squad coach, and the militaristic young man
stepped forward. He couldnt have been more than 28, but he was
already hardened and had a somewhat sadistic look about him.
Sir?
Wear their asses out! the coach commanded.
Yes, Sir! Anderson returned smartly, leering at Alex and
James. Lets go, gentlemen! Its bleacher time! James and Alex
hesitated momentarily and the young coach took James roughly by
the shoulder, shoving him in the direction of the bleachers, and Alex
after him. Lets go! Move! he barked as the two disgraced
freshmen broke into a sprint before him. Anyone who saw the
gleam in Andersons eyes at that moment would have known that he
needed only a bullwhip in his hand to make him happier.
Despite the best efforts of the other coaches, all play had
come to a standstill now and all eyes were on Coach Becket as he
broke the unnatural silence that had descended. Lockheart,
Sanderson, Jankowski! Get your asses over here! A rash of
whispering broke out and spread up and down both sidelines as
everyone shifted their gaze to where the quarterback had been
practicing with his five wide receivers.
Three of the players in question were relatively unaffected,
though they shifted anxiously as all their teammates looked their
way. Danny, on the other hand, swallowed hard and cursed under
his breath, seeking once more the eyes of his two remaining
receivers. They were both pale now, but their expressions were still
reassuring. They met Dannys eyes, and Ryan held his arm out to
him. They were in this together and that was how they would get
through it. It had been a long time since any of the three stars had
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been made to run the bleachers as punishment, and, now, in a matter

of moments, they fully expected to be joining their younger
counterparts. Danny made his way over to his big brother, heaving a
sigh as Ryans hand settled bracingly on his shoulder. Anderson was
no joke. He wouldnt stop until they were all sick on their knees
vomiting or passed out from exhaustion. Ryan squeezed his shoulder
as if reading his mind, and slowly, they started forward, their friends
watching miserably from a distance as Kevin Kramers three big
brothers trudged desolately down the field to face the irate coach.
Well, well, well, Kramers three guardian angels . . ., the
coach started as Danny, Ryan, and Steve formed a line in front of
him. I have to tell you, boys, Im starting to lose my patience here.
In fact, this whole business of our star running back not showing up
for practice . . .I gotta tell ya, its starting to really piss me off! The
coach had been pacing up and down in front of them, but now he
stopped and looked at them. Take those damn helmets off! he
snapped. The three players quickly acquiesced, letting their helmets
dangle as they did their best to meet the coachs eyes without
flinching. Coach Beckett was a very scary man when he was truly
angry and angry didnt quite come close to describing the feelings
of the man now glaring at them.
Thats better, the coach approved, looking now by turns
into the eyes of each of his three veteran players. As long as you
boys continue to follow directions and answer my questions with the
same degree of cooperation you just displayed, were all going to be
just fine; this will be very easy. The three players in front of him
shifted uneasily, trying not to look at each other. Now, Coach
Beckett persisted, pretending not to notice their obvious discomfort,
what is that little pet name you three have for our young friend?
Tentatively, Danny risked a sidelong glance at Ryan. Ryan caught it
and tightened his grip on his little brothers shoulder. Kevie or
Kevbo, or something? Thats it, Kevbo.
There was some noticeable snickering, pushing, and jostling
along the sidelines where Gregg Mcarthy and his followers had
positioned themselves to view, from the best vantage point possible,
the scourging the three team favorites were about to get. Kevie,
Gregg called in a high pitched voice. Kevie, Oh Kevie, where are
you? Save us, Kevie! Save us! More laughter followed.
Some of Danny, Ryan, and Steves friends responded with
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insults and threats of their own, and some extracurricular shoving

broke out along the sideline that was soon broken up by the coaches.
All the activity was ignored, however, by Coach Beckett and
Kevins three brothers. Carefully, Danny, Ryan, and Steve kept their
eyes on the coach as he continued to pace in front of them. All I
want to know, boys, the coach stopped and looked at them once
more, is where our little Kevbo is and why he hasnt been coming
to practice? Its simple really, just a very simple question.
Jankowski? He looked at Steve.
Alex told you, Coach, Steve replied coolly, Kevins been
sick.
My ASS! The coach grabbed Steve by the collar, pressing
his face right into his. Now, I am done playing around! Kramer
has missed a weeks worth of practices and two games! We lost for
the first time since the beginning of the season last week, and we
came damn close to losing yesterday too! We have worked hard as a
team all season to get here and it is the first time in ten years we
have made it this far! Its been ten years, Jankowski, since the
Bulldogs had a chance to get to the Championship, and all our hopes
are riding on that kid! I do not intend to lose this opportunity, so one
of you three boys had better start talking! NOW! He gave Steve a
little shake before shoving him away, and Steve brought his hand to
his throat, rubbing the red mark the coach had left. His face was
ashen now, but his eyes remained steadily on the coach, and his
mouth was firmly set in a stubborn line. No?! the coach
demanded. Not convinced? He shifted his eyes to Danny. What
about you, Lockheart? You care to help yourself by talking?
Danny bit hard on his lip, but remained silent. Sanderson? Coach
Beckett looked last of all at Ryan with no further success, and he
turned away, running his hand through his thinning hair in
exasperation. All right then, boys, he said finally, turning to glare
at them once more, and looking from one stubbornly set pair of eyes
to another. The three of you are done for the day! Hit the showers,
and meet me in my office in fifteen minutes!
Yes, Sir! they chorused.
All right, go on! the coach ordered, and his three disgraced
players hung their heads for the first time as they quietly started in
the direction of the locker room. Mcarthy! They heard behind
them. Go in for Lockheart! Tears stung Dannys eyes, and Ryan
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looked worriedly at his little brother as Danny subtly swiped at his

cheeks. Football was Dannys life, his passion, his heart. Steve
knew it too and he came up on Dannys other side as they heard the
coach behind them calling in replacements for Ryan and Steve.
Im sorry, Dan, Steve said quietly. For what its worth,
Im sorry. You were right. I should have listened to you.
Danny pressed his fingers to his eyes. Its not your fault,
he managed quietly after a minute. Danny was not the kind of
person who would ever dream of saying, I told you so, to his big
brothers, at least not in the face of a sincere apology. But this was
exactly the situation he had been afraid of. I fucking knew this
would happen! he thought darkly, now, as they continued to walk. I
absolutely fucking knew it!

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File Two
The Quandary
"Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of a
dilemma."
-H.L. Mencken
See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little.
- Pope John XXIII
It had all started the night after the meeting. They had just
played their last regular game of the season. Kevin hadnt played
(not that anyone would have asked him to) and they had lost for the
first time since the beginning of the season (before Kevin was a
starter on the team). They had planned the meeting, as usual, around
the last few weeks of the semester, so there would be ample time for
Kevin to get his act together and pass his classes. The football
season by that time was traditionally winding down for them,
anyway. The last game never made any difference to anything but
the pride of the team. They had honestly not thought about the
possibility that they might be in contention for the Championship,
and had certainly not counted on the important role Kevin would
play in getting them there. It had been a long time since the team
had so much riding on a mere freshman, a rookie!
When Danny, Ryan, and Steve finally began to see the
direction things were taking, they talked about it, but there didnt
seem to be anything they could do. Kevin was sinking
academically. He needed help. He needed their guidance, and that
was what they were there for. They cared more about him than they
did about the Championship, and the tradition needed to be upheld.
So, they had proceeded with the meeting as planned, knowing that
Kevin would not play in the game the following day. Their belief
was, however, that he would be recovered enough to participate in
the remaining two games that followed.
After that first game, Ryan, Danny, and Steve had returned to
the house hot, tired, and frustrated, to find that Kevin had, as
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requested, turned in his version of the rules he had been set along
with a copy of his schedule. He had left the two pieces of paper in
an envelope that he had slid under Ryans door. He had addressed it:
To: the wardens of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh) From: The prisoner in cell
17, and the three brothers had gathered in Ryans room (which
Danny and Ryan were now sharing) to discuss it.
What do you think? Steve looked at Ryan and Ryan shifted
uncomfortably as Danny too looked his way. He hated always being
in the middle. He looked down again at the two pieces of paper laid
out on the bed before them. Their impish little brother, he simpered
as he thought of Kevin, the cause of all this discord as usual. This
time, though, it was not Kevins cheekiness that was causing the
problem. After all, they had agreed, with everything their kid
brother had been through, they had to cut him some amount of slack.
The problem was that Kevin had dutifully laid out every second of
his day for the next three weeks, including 15 minute piss breaks
scheduled intermittently throughout each day. His class times were
there as requested, and his study times, but nowhere had he included
the scheduled practice times for the team.
Do you think he forgot? Steve inquired of Danny,
hopefully.
No! Danny snorted. The kid eats, sleeps, and breathes
football.
Do you think he didnt put them on because he knows we
know them already? Ryan asked quietly.
Danny shook his head. Hes trying to get back at us, he
returned softly. Specifically, hes trying to get back at me, and he
knows this is the best way. Ryan and Steve frowned as they met
their little brothers eyes. It was what they had suspected also, but
they had been hoping Danny would have another theory. He
doesnt intend to go, Danny confirmed their worst fears in the
quietest voice imaginable. For a moment, there was silence.
Ok, then, Steve finally spoke. The next question is what
do we do about it? Do we make it an issue or not?
I think we have to, Danny returned.
I dont know if we can, Dan, Steve admitted. I told him I
just wanted to know he was getting to class and doing his work. I
want to pick my battles. Right now, his grades are the priority. I
dont want to make practice an issue only to have class and study
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time become one. Weve all been emphasizing how theres more to
life than football, how he needs to take those other parts of his life
seriously . . . .
I know what we said, Steve! Danny interjected. But
football IS his life. Its his schooling! Hes on fucking scholarship
for Christs sakes!
I know, Danny! But if he doesnt want to play, I dont feel
like we can make him! If he doesnt get his grades up, the football
will be a moot point anyway! Maybe he doesnt feel he can handle
all the studying and practice too.
Thats bullshit and you know it! Danny glowered. Thats
his stress release! He loves playing! Were not allowing him to do
anything else! This next three weeks is going to kill him without
football!
That is his choice to make, though, Dan! Steve returned
somewhat heatedly.
But hes not thinking straight, Steve! Hes just thinking how
he can best hurt me! Hes not thinking about whats good for him
right now! Steve pursed his lips as he looked at his passionate little
brother. Danny did have a point. What will Coach say? Danny
continued after a minute in a quieter tone as he looked at Steves
face, hopefully. You think hes just going to let his star player
disappear, no questions asked, three weeks before the
Championship?
Steve remained quiet for a minute, thinking over what Danny
had said. Finally, he looked at Ryan. What do you think? he
whispered once more. Ryan had, up until now, remained silent,
hoping that his opinion would not have to be the deciding factor. He
chewed his lip as he looked thoughtfully down at the paper before
him.
I definitely understand the point Danny is making, he
started quietly after a minute, BUT, he continued hurriedly before
his little brother could celebrate, I think we would be very wise to
pick our battles right now.
Ryan raised his eyes and flinched at Dannys accusing
expression. Steves right, Danny, he said softly. Kevins
academics are the priority right now. They have to be.
Fine! Danny sulked, looking away. An awkward silence
passed and then Danny got up and made his way to the door. You
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guys are making a huge mistake! he groused, glowering at his

brothers once more as he opened it. Huge! he repeated, and he
stepped into the hallway, shutting the door hard behind him. Even
then, Steve and Ryan had each wondered privately if their little
brother might be right. Now, they knew that he had been.

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File Three
The Consequence
"A gentleman accepts the responsibility of his actions and
bears the burden of their consequences."
- William Faulkner
"What is the point? We assume that every time we do
anything we know what the consequences will be, i.e.,
more or less what we intend them to be. This is not only
not always correct. It is wildly, crazily, stupidly, crosseyed-blithering-insectly wrong!"
-Douglas Adams (The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide: Five
Complete Novels and One Short Story)
Fully showered and changed now, the three young men
waited tensely in the coachs office for him to return. They said
little and avoided one anothers eyes. They were each privately
preoccupied with their own thoughts, and Ryan and Steve especially
were battling with the feelings of repentant guilt that overwhelmed
them. Finally, Coach Beckett entered. It had been considerably
more than fifteen minutes by that time that the boys had been
fretting. He came in quietly and closed the door. Danny and Ryan
were sitting in the two chairs in front of the coachs desk. Steve was
sitting in the chair against the wall behind them. They all stood as
the coach entered, but he waved them back to their seats, and Steve
dragged his chair forward to sit beside his brothers.
Without a word, or more than a glance in their direction, the
coach threw his playbook on the desk, and hung his hat and jacket
on the coat rack in the corner. Danny, Ryan, and Steve watched him
tensely, and finally he turned to look at them. He regarded them
seriously as he sat in the chair behind his desk. His anger was gone.
These were three of his favorite players, ever, both on and off the
field. Their skill on the field and their compassion and empathy for
others off the field had from the beginning won them his admiration.
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Not all the boys that made up his team had earned his respect the
same way these three had; the same way the fraternity presidents
brothers always did.
Coach Beckett had been at the university a long time now,
nearly twenty years, and he had seen countless numbers of boys
come and go. The finest of them were always the presidents
brothers, and for years the coach had known why; that is, he had at
least suspected, and never really wanted to admit to himself that he
knew what went on at the end of the first semester every year in the
Rho Beta Chi (Kigh) house. Never before had he had occasion to
question it, and it was just easier to close his eyes. He sighed now
as he looked at Danny, Ryan, and Steve. Hes the one isnt he? he
asked quietly.
The blood drained from Steves face, and he glanced at his
two brothers. Surely, the coach was not asking what he seemed to
be asking. Sorry, Coach, Steve replied tightly after a minute, but
whos the one? His heart pounded.
Danny and Ryan were looking pale again too now as the
coach repeated, Kevin. Kevins the one isnt he?
Steve swallowed hard. Sorry, Coach. I still dont get what
you mean, he replied trying to keep his voice steady. Kevins the
one, what?
All right, now look! Lets just cut the crap here! the coach
snapped impatiently. You know what I mean! He glared steadily
at them. You all know EXACTLY what I mean! I know what goes
on in that house! I know how things are handled. Ive seen too
many bruises in my many years coaching this team to doubt it! I do
not approve! he stated emphatically as he continued to stare into
the eyes of the three astounded young men. I do not approve, have
not in the past approved, and will not approve in the future! He
paused and Danny, Ryan, and Steve just stared at him in disbelieving
horror. However, he finally went on, I have never before found
any reason to question it either. Never have the young men affected,
in the long run, seemed worse for wear, and it is undeniable that in
some cases lives have been literally pulled out of the toilet and
turned around. Young men who I feared in their freshmen year were
destined for disaster have gone on to be Valedictorian and class
president, and it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge that the
beginning of the change was always traceable to whatever goes on
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in that house! Never, however, have I ever had a kid miss practice
for a week in a row because of that nonsense, and so help me if I
find out that Kevin Kramers absence now is due to the amount of
injury inflicted on him . . . .
NO! All three of the brothers responded, horrified, cutting
the coach off.
Youve got it wrong, Coach, Steve repeated quietly. We
would never hurt Kevin or do anything that wasnt for his benefit,
ultimately. He just needs some time to sort things out.
The coach was quiet for a moment. I hope thats the case,
he replied quietly. I certainly do hope so. That being said, the team
needs him! Its been ten years since weve gotten this far, and were
all relying on Kevin. Kevins brothers were quiet for a moment,
and the coach bit his lip. What he had to do next, he did not want to
do, but he felt he had no choice. Im afraid, boys, he began
quietly at last, that until I see some evidence that Kevin is ok, until
he returns to practice and starts working out with the team once
more, until that time, Im afraid the three of you are done playing
football for me.
What!? Danny exclaimed. Coach, thats not fair! Please!
Kevin is fine. Hes going to be fine; he just needs some time.
Please dont do this! Please! The Championship is two games away!
If we lose this next game, were out! Coach, please!
Ive made up my mind, Danny, Coach Beckett returned
evenly. You boys may come to practice, you may change, but until
Kevin is back on that field and I am certain he is ok, you will not
step a single foot on the turf again. When I am satisfied that Kevin
is ok, I will review the situation and reconsider my position. If I am
not convinced, shortly, however, that all is well, the ban from the
team will be the least of your worries. If Kevin Kramer is not back
on the field within the week, I promise you, I will go to the college
authorities and let them know my suspicions.
Steve, Danny, and Ryan gaped at him. Surely he wasnt
serious. But the coachs expression promised them that he was
indeed as serious as he could be.
Its not fair! Danny protested.
Im sorry . . ., Coach Beckett began.
This sucks! Danny slammed his hand on the desk and
without waiting to be dismissed, shoved his chair back and headed
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for the door.

Danny! Ryan tried to call him back, but Danny was
already gone. Ryan looked quickly at the coach, wanting to be
respectful, but worried about his little brothers state of mind.
Go on, Coach Beckett authorized quietly, and swiftly Ryan
followed his brother.
Sorry, Steve offered softly when his brothers were gone.
You know how Danny is about football.
I know, the coach responded compassionately. After all,
football was his life too. The fraternity president and the coach
continued to eye one another for a moment, understanding one
anothers position even if they didnt agree with one another.
Sometimes, being in charge meant making unpopular decisions and
doing things you didnt want to do. Go on, Coach Beckett said
finally, your brothers need you. Steve nodded and without a word
or a backward glance, he made his way to the door.

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File Four
The Melt Down
What Strange Creatures Brothers Are.
-Jane Austen
Can I come in? Ryan asked softly. The door to Dannys
room (where Kevin was currently staying) was ajar, and Danny
stood motionless in the middle of the room. He did not respond to
Ryan or acknowledge him in any way. Without waiting for an
invitation, Ryan quietly moved further into the room and saw, as he
came up behind his little brother that Danny was holding what
looked like several little pieces of torn paper in his hands. What
have you got there . . .? Ryan started, but as Danny turned to face
him he recognized with horror what those pieces of paper had been.
Oh, Dan, he whispered, Im so sorry. Dannys face crumpled,
and Ryan folded his arms around him, holding him tight. Im sorry,
Bud! Im so sorry!
He hates me! Danny sobbed, burying his face on Ryans
shoulder as he clutched the pieces of the torn picture tighter. It was
his favorite picture of himself and Kevin, taken after their first win
this year.
He doesnt hate you, Ryan assured quietly. He is angry,
hurt, and frustrated and you are the closest person to him. Danny
just continued to sob. Do you have the negatives? Ryan
whispered. Danny barely nodded against his shoulder and Ryan
breathed an inward sigh of relief. I was going to suggest that you
take that picture out, but we got busy with all the other stuff and I
forgot. Hes just lashing out, Danny. Hell get over it. Youll see.
Danny just continued to cling to him and Ryan held him, letting his
chin drop to the top of his little brothers head. Come on, he said
quietly after a minute when Danny had still not calmed down, get
the negatives and come with me. I want to show you something.
At first Danny did not respond and Ryan squeezed his shoulder,
holding him for another minute before he prodded gently, Come on,
Bro. Finally, Ryans patient, calm authority penetrated Dannys
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grief, and, taking a deep breath, he dutifully pulled away from his
brother and made his way over to his desk.
His shoulders heaved as he searched through the bottom
right hand drawer, but he found the waterproof container that
contained all his negatives, took the box in his hand, and turned to
face Ryan once more, starting to sob harder again as he encountered
the warm comprehending expression on his big brothers face. Its
all right, Ryan encouraged, moving quickly to put his arm around
him. Come on. He gently took the box from Dannys hand and
guided him from the room, closing the door softly behind them, and
steering his little brother towards the room they were currently
sharing down the hall. He took his hand off Dannys shoulder just
long enough to dig his key out of his pocket and open the door. He
then nudged his brother inside and gently pushed the door shut
behind them. Danny made instantly for his bed, throwing himself
down and burying his face. He was still clutching the pieces of the
picture Kevin had torn, and Ryan sighed.
Silently, he contemplated his little brother as he set the box
of negatives on his desk. He opened the top drawer and slowly
withdrew a worn and tattered picture of his own. Wistfully, he
smiled down at it and then, keeping it in his hand, he approached the
bed where Danny lay clutching the pillows. He sat down next to him
and wordlessly, without looking up, Danny made room for him.
I have something to show you, Ryan gently repeated his
earlier assertion.
What is it? Danny demanded petulantly.
Well you have to look, dingwit! Ryan chided
affectionately. Reluctantly, Danny did so, and Ryan held the picture
up so he could see.
Yeah, so? Danny questioned bitterly. Whats so special
about that? Its the same stupid picture you have in the frame over
there on the desk. The same one I have too . . .
Look closer, Ryan encouraged.
Danny brushed in frustration at his cheeks, but he did as his
brother requested, trying hard to see the picture through his blurry
eyes. I dont get it! he protested. I mean, its a great picture, but
whats the big deal?
Ryan stared at him in disbelief. You really dont remember,
do you?
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Remember what? Danny demanded.

Look again, Ryan urged.
Come on, Ry! Just tell me! I really dont want to play this
game right now!
I cant believe it! Ryan couldnt help laughing. You
dont remember! You ripped my heart right out of my chest, and you
really dont remember a thing!
What are you talking about?! Danny cried again in
exasperation.
You tore this up in front of me, Danny!
I did? Danny looked confused.
Yes, Ryan laughed again. See the tape? Danny looked
closer and finally saw where all the torn and ragged edges were
lovingly placed back together in the very best repair job a roll of
scotch tape could do. You threw one holy fit! Told me you hated
me (that was actually the nicest thing you said), you ripped the
picture right off the wall where I had taped it and tore it into as
many tiny pieces as it would go! You scattered them on the floor,
told me youd never speak to me again and then stomped out of the
room. I was still crawling around on the floor an hour later, trying
to find every last piece when Steve finally found me. He helped me
put the picture back together. Thank God I was able to save it
because it is a good picture, and I didnt even have the negatives. I
had to take this one to a photo shop and have it copied. I cant
believe you dont remember, he finished quietly. Danny turned his
face back into the pillow. He was quieter now, but he was still
crying and clutching the pieces of his own torn picture.
Let me see, Bud, Ryan laid the picture of himself and
Danny on the bed and gently took the pieces of torn photo from
Dannys hand. His brow furrowed slightly as he tried to piece it
together on the bed in front of him. Finally, however, he smiled a
little. Its not that bad, Dan, he assured quietly. We can put it
back together.
Who cares?! Danny sobbed. I can always redevelop the
picture, but whats the point? He hates me! All I was going to do
was talk to him! See if I could get him to come back, you know? But
he wasnt even there! I was going to just leave him a note and then I
found those on the floor! I know he hates me, Ryan! I know he does!
Maybe if I leave the team, hell come back!
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And how is that going to solve anything? Ryan asked

quietly.
The team will win their game. The Bulldogs will be
champions. Kevin will be a hero. Hell be happy . . . .
Stop it! Ryan snapped in a tone of such uncharacteristic
severity that Danny raised his head from the pillows to look at him.
Do you really believe that the team will win without you, or even
that wed want to? Danny shrugged, still swiping at his tears. This
is your team, Dan! Kevin is my brother too and I care about him. I
want him to come out of this snit hes in as much as anybody, but if I
had to choose there would be no contest! Your leaving the team will
not solve anything . . . .
I dont know what to do, Ryan! I just dont know what to
do! Danny sobbed in frustration, placing his face back down in the
pillows.
Ryan placed a hand on his back. Its going to be ok,
Danny, he whispered. Youll see . . . . At that moment there was a
knock on the door. Who is it? Ryan called.
Its me, the quiet voice stated from the other side of the
door. Feeling relieved, Ryan gathered the pieces of Dannys picture
in his hand and then got up to open the door. Steve entered
unceremoniously, taking in the scene without comment as he closed
the door behind him. Ryan showed him the pieces of picture and
Steve took them in his hand, biting his lip to keep back the slight
smirk that played at the corners of his mouth as he tried to piece
them together. Finally he looked up again at his little brother. What
goes around comes around, eh? he intimated in a tone Danny was
unlikely to hear. Ryan didnt respond, and after a moment Steve
made his way over to the bed. With a delighted little laugh, Steve
picked up the other picture as he sat down and he looked at Ryan
once more. You saved it huh? Good call, he commented wryly.
He doesnt remember, Ryan returned a little sheepishly.
No? Steve chuckled. You dont remember, Dan? He
turned to look at his other little brother who still had his face buried
in the pillows. You nearly broke Ryans heart, he laughed again.
I could have killed you. We had to find every piece of the damn
picture before hed settle down at all . . . . Dannys sobs became
louder, and Steve stopped. He and Ryan were enjoying the memory
but it was clearly not bringing the intended comfort to their younger
136

brother. His own heartbreak was still too fresh. Come on, Little
Bro, Steve started again tenderly, placing a hand on the back of
Dannys head, were going to get through this. I promise.
What if we dont?!
We will! Steve and Ryan assured in unison.
But now I cant even play football! Danny countered.
Thats the only thing that was getting me through! God this is
torture!
I know, Steve sighed sympathetically. I know it is. But
its temporary. Its all temporary. Kevins going to get over this.
Hes going to go back to the team, hell still look up to you, still
want and need your guidance, probably more than ever before, and
the moment Kevin is back you know Coach will put us back on the
field. I mean come on, Dan . . . . Who does the man think hes
kidding? He wants this Championship. He wants it bad! And he
needs us all out there to make it happen. This whole business about
reconsidering his position, is a bunch of bull crap if you ask me!
He cant win without his star quarterback and he knows it! Danny
was still sobbing into the pillows and it was hard to tell if Steves
words were really having an effect or not. Just then there was
another knock at the door, and Ryan, who was still standing
helplessly beside it, turned to open it.
Hey Man, Sean said through the crack as Ryan peered out
at him. Is everything ok? Ryan shook his head slightly. Whats
going on? Sean asked worriedly.
Hang on, Ryan returned softly. He shut the door again
briefly and turned to his brothers. Sean wants to know whats going
on . . ., he started quietly.
No! Danny protested, his cheeks warming.
I think we should tell him, Dan, Ryan replied gently.
So do I, Steve agreed in the same undertone.
God! Does my opinion ever fucking count around here
anymore?! Danny cried.
Of course it does, Ryan replied quietly as he and Steve
exchanged guilty glances once more.
Theyre going to find out sooner or later anyway, Danny,
Steve pointed out as gently as possible. Id rather answer the
question once for Sean and let him and Jesse handle things than
have to answer it over and over again for everybody else tonight.
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Dont you think? He moved his hand from his brothers hair to his
back as he tried to calm him down. He and Ryan would rather keep
the news of the suspension to themselves too, after all, but that just
wasnt realistic.
Ok! Fine! Danny retorted. God this sucks! He knew his
brothers were right, but this was all just a little too much to deal with
right now; he couldnt help feeling resentful. Steve continued to talk
softly to him as Ryan opened the door once more and slipped out.
So, whats going on, Man? Sean repeated as soon as Ryan
stepped into the hallway and closed the door.
Ryan paled. Reality was just beginning to sink in. He loved
football too, after all, and to be suspended from the team was a blow
he had not anticipated in his wildest imagination. He looked around
the hallway where fortunately nobody else happened to be at the
moment. Most of the exhausted players, having returned from
practice now, were lounging in the common room or crashed out in
their rooms, recovering. It had been a hard practice. Wheres
Jess? Ryan asked in a low voice, returning his eyes to those of his
best friend.
He and Pat are still with Alex and James, Sean replied, his
voice deepening now in concern. Anderson was pretty hard on
them.
Is there anybody in your room? Sean shared his room with
Ryans other best friend, Andy, and people were always coming and
going. Now, Sean shook his head.
I dont think so, he replied. Ryan, tell me whats going
on.
Lets talk in your room, Ryan responded.
Ok, he agreed anxiously. He led the way down the hall
and taking his key from his pocket, opened the door to his somewhat
cramped and messy room, stepping back to let Ryan pass in before
him. He followed and shut the door, watching his friend quietly as
Ryan made his way over to his desk, and began fidgeting with some
of the miscellaneous little toys that sat on the top.
Cute, Ryan said finally, picking up the bobble head of the
great New England Patriots Linebacker, Tedy Bruschi, that Seans
girlfriend had recently given him, and turning to face his best friend.
Yeah, Sean acknowledged wryly. Come on, Ry, he
coaxed, spill it. What did Coach say? Ryan looked down again at
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the toy, playing absently with the head as he tried to form the words
that were so difficult to say.
He suspended us, he said quietly at last, turning to set the
doll back on the desk as tears welled in his eyes.
WHAT!? Sean cried. What do you mean he suspended
you?
I mean just what I sound like I mean, Ryan whispered, still
unable to meet Seans eyes. He suspended us.
All three of you?! Sean questioned incredulously, and
Ryan nodded. FOR WHAT?!
He suspects, or actually he just about as good as knows,
what goes on in our mandatory meetings every year. He figured out
that Kevin was THE ONE this year and hes worried since Kevin
hasnt been at practice that he might be seriously hurt . . . . Ryans
voice trailed off as he finally looked up and saw the expression on
his friends face.
Jesus! Sean exclaimed, sitting on his bed and placing his
head in his hands. An awkward silence passed.
Finally, Ryan went on, Coach told us we Are done playing
football for him, until Kevin is back on the field and hes sure hes
ok. Then he will, Reassess the situation, Ryan pronounced
sullenly. Not only that, he continued, gratified by Seans outraged
expression, if Kevin does not return to the team by the end of the
week Coach is going to go to the dean with his suspicions about the
discipline!
Oh, shit! Sean exclaimed again.
Yeah, Ryan agreed.
Sorry, Man! Sean didnt really know what else to say; he
was still trying to get past his own shock. Are you doin ok? Ryan
shrugged and avoided his friends eyes once more as Sean looked up
at him. How are Danny and Steve? Sean asked, quickly changing
the subject.
Not good, Ryans voice cracked, and he was unable to hold
back any longer as tears started to streak his face. Well, Steves all
right, he corrected himself, but Dannys taking it really hard. He
came back here to try and talk to Kevin and found his favorite
picture of the two of them in pieces on the floor, so you can
imagine . . . .
Oh, yeah! I can imagine all right! Sean remarked angrily.
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I think thats just about enough of this horseshit! He rose from the
bed and moved once more towards the door.
Sean, wait! Ryan cried, alarmed by Seans unusual burst of
temper. Where are you going?
To find Kevin, he replied. Somebodys got to talk some
sense into that kid! Ryan grabbed Seans arm just as he was about
to open the door and Sean looked at him, meeting his friends tear
filled eyes head on now.
Go easy on him, Sean, Ryan pleaded. Hes just really
mixed up right now.
I know, Sean replied. I know he is, but hes got to
understand that this is much bigger than him now. He has
responsibilities to the team, and he is letting everybody down. I
know its hard, Ry, and I know hes been through a lot, but hes got
to be made to understand that his actions affect others. Dont
worry, he remarked drolly as he looked into Ryans anxious face,
its not as if Im taking the paddle with me or anything.
I know, Ryan smirked a little despite himself. This was,
among other reasons, why Sean was his friend; he never failed to
make him laugh in even the darkest of moments. This whole thing
has just been so rough on all of us, he met Seans eyes again, and
Sean squeezed his arm.
Hang in there, Man, he encouraged, you guys will get
through this. You always do, he reminded. Ryan tried a smile that
came out more as a grimace, and Sean squeezed his arm again
before stepping into the hallway. Ryan followed, pulling the door
firmly shut, and making his way quietly back to his own room and
his brothers, leaving his friend to start his determined search for
Kevin.

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File Five
The Search
"Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged. Missing me

one place, search another. I stop somewhere waiting for

you."
-Walt Whitman (Leaves of Grass)
Yeah?
The tone that reached Seans ears was clearly irritated and
Sean grinned despite himself, feeling just a twinge of guilt as he
opened the door to the room his youngest brother usually shared
with Kevin. James HAD been through a rough time at practice
today. It was little wonder if he didnt want to be disturbed right
now, but this was an important conversation, and there was no help
for it. Hey, Sean stuck his head around the door, and almost
laughed at the sight that met his eyes, his guilt dissipating quickly.
James was propped up in his bed, the pillows fluffed behind him, the
covers pulled carefully over him. The remote to the TV and the
controls to his Play Station II sat on the nightstand beside him.
May I enter, your Highness? Sean quipped.
Dont give me a hard time, Sean, James grumbled.
Anderson nearly killed me today!
Sorry, Man, Sean smirked as he stepped in and closed the
door. Wheres Jess?
He went to make me a sandwich, James replied, huffing a
little at the expression of delighted disbelief on Seans face.
Come on, Bro. When are you going to let him off the
hook? Sean laughed. That poor boys going to worry himself to
death, he simpered again and James shrugged, his brows knitting
into a truculent pout.
Kevin had not been the only one to get a somewhat bruised
and aching bottom out of the mandatory meeting that had occurred
just over a week ago now. James had been summoned by Steve the
day after to pay the consequences for jumping Danny and Ryan.
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Jesse, as James big brother, had gone with him. As the infraction
had been serious, the consequences too had been severe. Steve had
been stern and James had received ten smart smacks of the fraternity
paddle on his bare bottom while Jesse had held his arms to keep him
from reaching. The whole thing had been very hard on both of
them, obviously, but Sean knew it had nearly killed Jesse. James
knew it too and was still working his big brothers conscience,
milking the situation for all it was worth.
What are you doing here? James asked grumpily. He
loved his older brother but it was harder for him to manipulate Jesse
when Sean was around.
Seans expression became serious. I need your help with
something, Bud, he returned quietly.
You need my help? James perked up a little. This was an
occasion. Sean was seeking HIS help. With what?
Do you know why Kevin hasnt been going to practice?
Sean asked quietly.
James brow darkened again and he hunched further down in
bed. Who the hell knows? he returned bitterly. I think its
because he doesnt want people, especially Mcarthy, to see his butt,
he snorted.
Is that the only reason? Sean asked.
James shrugged again. He might be a little pissed off at
Danny, he acknowledged tentatively. Why are you asking?
Where would he be now if hes not studying? Sean asked.
Why dont you ask his brothers? James groused. They
know about every last piss break hes going to be taking between
now and the end of the semester!
Well, Im not asking them, Sean returned shortly. I am
asking you.
Why do you want to know? James demanded; his guard
was fully up now.
Just then Jesse returned with James sandwich. Hey, he
acknowledged his big brother as he entered without knocking and
made his way to the bed with the plate. He looked from his little
brother to his big brother as he handed James his food. James took
the plate without saying anything. He was glaring at Sean now.
Whats going on? Jesse inquired softly.
Neither James nor Sean answered and James dropped his
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eyes to his sandwich, fiddling with the edges of the neatly cut,
crustless bread. Aww, Jess! he scowled. I hate tuna!
You do? Jesse questioned in dismay. I didnt know that.
Here, Ill get you something else . . . . Jesse started to take the
plate, but Sean intervened.
No! Now, James, that is enough! he insisted. You are not
an invalid. If you dont want tuna then you can go downstairs and
get something else . . . . Not now, though! he added as James
looked ready to do just that if only to get away from his older
brother. Right now, I have something I have to tell both of you,
something serious.
Jesse paled and James settled back into the pillows, crossing
his arms in front of him and trying to appear like his curiosity was
not piqued. Does it have something to do with Danny and Ryan?
Jesse asked anxiously, sitting down next to James. He had been
worried about their friends, but he had been even more worried
about his little brother, so he had not accompanied Sean on his
mission to seek Danny and Ryan out after practice.
Yes, Sean returned quietly. It does concern them and
Steve too.
Who cares about Steve!? James griped. Frankly, he
couldnt give a rats ass about Danny and Ryan either. As far as he
was concerned, they were just as responsible as the president for his
sore bottom (he was only just beginning to sit really comfortably
again). He didnt dare express these feelings in front of his brothers,
however; he had to content himself instead with somewhat cheap
shots at Steve wherever he could get them in. These,
at least, his brothers could understand. They ignored him now as
they locked eyes.
What did Coach say? Jesse barely breathed.
He suspended them, Sean returned just as quietly.
WHAT!? Jesse lost all remaining color from his face, and
even James seemed somewhat disconcerted, shifting uncomfortably
next to his brother. All three of them? Sean nodded. Why?
He knows, apparently, about the meetings we have every
year. He figured out what happened to Kevin, and is worried
because he hasnt been coming to practice. Hes given Ryan, Danny,
and Steve an ultimatum: If Kevins not back on the field by the end
of the week not only are Danny, Ryan, and Steve off the team, but
143

Coach is going to bring his concerns to the dean.

Oh, Shit! Jesse exclaimed.
That, Sean looked back at his now ashen younger brother,
is why I am looking for Kevin.
James met Seans eyes and swallowed. He might be pissed
at Kevins brothers right now, but he certainly would not have
wished that on any of them, not even Steve. He might be working
out, he responded meekly.
I thought he didnt want anyone to see his butt, Sean
scoffed.
Hes been using the general facilities instead of the team
facilities and I think hes been changing before he goes, or maybe in
the bathroom or something . . . .
Ok, kid, Sean replied affectionately, feeling sorry that he
had been so snappish earlier. Thank you, youve been very
helpful. Was it really such a surprise, after all, if Danny, Ryan, and
Steve were not topping his little brothers list of favorite people at
the moment? Sean grinned a little again as he turned towards the
door.
Want me to come? Jesse piped up quietly.
No, Sean looked back at his other little brother as he
opened the door. I think it would be better for me to have a little
one on one time with our young friend, he responded, his hand on
the doorknob.
Youre not going to yell at him, are you? James asked
timidly.
No, Bud, Sean reassured gently, Im not going to yell at
him.
Well, dont tell him I told you where to find him, James
replied.
I wont, Sean chuckled.
Is Danny in his room? Jesse asked just as his brother was
leaving.
Yeah, Sean responded softly, but you might want to give
him some time. Steve and Ryan are with him. Kevin ripped up that
picture hes so proud of . . . .
Oh, no he didnt! That little shit! Jesse interjected. Sean
and James both gave him a look and Jesse scowled. Sorry! he
remarked. But I mean really! He didnt have to do that!
144

Yeah, James acknowledged sorrowfully. I dont know

why he would do that. I didnt think he was that mad. He could
never imagine being mad enough at Jesse to do something like that,
and he almost felt sorry for Danny, almost.
Hell come round, Sean replied. See you guys later, he
said and he stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind
him. Kevin would come round, he was confident, with or without
him, but he intended to speed up the process a little. He headed for
his own room, grabbed his gym bag and made his way out of the
house towards the Saber Bend University Gym facilities. He shifted
his bag on his shoulder and sighed as he walked. The last thing he
really wanted to do after this mornings practice was to work out
again, but Ryan was his best friend and Sean would do anything he
could to help repair this terrible situation. For Ryan, Sean would do
anything.

145

File Six
The Talk
"The real leader has no need to lead. He is content to point
the way."
- Henry Miller
Mind if I join you? Sean asked quietly and Kevin
shrugged, scowling to show his displeasure. He was lying flat on his
back on the bench press and Sean noted that he was lifting without a
spotter. Danny would freak out! he thought wryly. He was wearing
his running shorts now and a fresh t-shirt. He had picked out a
couple of free weights well within his limit, mostly to look like he
was doing something. After this mornings work out he didnt dare
try anything serious. His arms were already screaming in complaint.
He stood just behind Kevin now and a little to the side, and for a
while they continued lifting without speaking. Conveniently, the
weight room was very nearly empty. It was the middle of the day,
and, being near the end of the semester and exam time, most
everyone was cramming. Besides Sean and Kevin, there were only
two other people in the room, and they were at the far end. Sean
was aware how sensitive this subject was likely to be and had there
been more people he might have tried to coax Kevin into taking a
walk; as it was, however, now seemed like as good a time as any.
Weve missed you at practice recently, he started carefully at last.
He waited for a minute, but got no response and Kevin showed no
interest in the conversation. At least hes lifting well under his
limit, Sean mused still thinking about the lack of a spotter. How
come you havent been coming? he asked finally.
Dont know, Kevin shrugged, letting the weights rest on
the bar for a moment. Im just busy I guess, trying to pass
everything, stay up with the studying! Besides, Im not supposed to
be doing anything fun! Remember?
Your brothers didnt mean practice and you know it! Sean
replied shortly. In fact that was supposed to be on your schedule!
Oh, well excuse me for not obeying every single command
set by my three lords and masters! Ive done every other fucking
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thing they wanted me to do, so I dont know what their problem is!
They do not have a problem, Kevin! They are content to let
things go and happy that youre putting time into your classes.
Well, what are you doing here, then?! Kevin demanded.
Im here to find out whats going on with you, Sean
admitted quietly, but they didnt send me.
Well, who did?! And howd you find me, anyway?! Did
James tell you where I was?
No, James did not tell me. I just had a hunch . . . .
Yeah, right!
. . . and nobody sent me. Im here on my own.
Why? What do you care?
What do you mean, What do I care? Sean returned. The
team needs you, Kev! Dont you know that? Kevin was silent now
as he continued lifting, but Sean could see he was getting to him.
He waited another moment and then tried again. Come on, Kev,
why arent you coming to practice? There was still no answer as
Kevin pretended to be concentrating really hard on his lifting. Is it
because youre embarrassed? Sean pushed gently. There was
another pause. Dont be embarrassed, Kevbo, he went on quietly.
Most of us have been there at one time or another. No ones going
to say anything, and if they do, theyre going to find themselves in
hot water . . . .
I just dont want to go, Sean! Ok? Kevin cried, tears
welling in his eyes. Sean was quiet for a moment.
Well, it may not be about what you want, anymore, Kevin,
he replied softly at last. You have made a commitment to the team,
and by skipping practice you are letting everybody down!
Like anybody really gives a shit! Kevin snapped.
We all give a shit, Kevin! Sean retorted, really feeling
angry for the first time. Did you even know we lost last week?
Yeah, so? Kevin returned crisply.
You dont care? Sean demanded. Kevin shrugged. We
almost lost, yesterday, too, you know, Kevbo.
Oh, please! Kevin snorted. Like that really would have
happened! Losses fire Danny up! He never loses two in a row!
Sean quickly dropped his free weights on the floor and sat on the
bench next to Kevins. The next time Kevin lifted the weight Sean
took it from him and set it back on its bar. What the hell are you
147

doing?! Kevin screeched.

Sit up! Sean commanded.
What?
Sit up and look at me! Sean repeated, and Kevin did so,
responding automatically to the authoritative tone in Seans voice.
Ok! What?! he sulked as Sean peered intently into his
eyes.
I did not want to tell you, Kevin, Sean started quietly, and
Im sure your brothers would not want you to know, but clearly you
do not understand how serious this is . . . . Kevins stomach knotted
at the solemn tone of Seans voice. Sean was one of the most laid
back people he knew. Things rarely seemed to get to him. Your
brothers have been suspended from the team, Sean went on finally
and all the color drained from Kevins face.
What?! he exclaimed softly. Why?
Because Coach is worried about your ass! Sean replied
sardonically.
For real? Kevin demanded irritably. How does Coach
know anything about my ass?
Well hes had his suspicions for years, apparently, about the
way discipline is handled in the house. Hes seen his share of
bruises I guess and he figured out based on past experience what
happened to you. Hes worried you might really be hurt, Sean
scoffed. He told Danny, Ryan, and Steve that they are done playing
football for him until youre back on the field and he can see that
youre ok. Kevin sat for a minute, stunned, as he tried to absorb all
that Sean was saying. This Championship means a lot to all of us,
Kev, Sean went on quietly after a minute. We havent gotten there
in ten years. Even so, it doesnt mean as much as you do, certainly
not to your brothers or to Coach! This is his big chance, you know,
to reclaim some glory for the Bulldogs, but were in this position
largely because of you . . . and Danny, he added quietly. Its the
way you guys work together! Kevin looked away and bit his lip.
Coach wants this win, Man! He wants it bad! But it doesnt mean
anything if youre not out there with us! We need you, Kev! We all
need you!
Its just so hard right now, Sean! Kevin choked. Going
back in that locker room, changing in front of everybody, it will just
bring it all back! Theyll all be staring! I know it! Especially
148

Mcarthy! I know Mcarthys going to say something!

No he wont, Sean replied with certainty, his brow
darkening, and finally Kevin looked back at him. I promise, Sean
whispered. Tears slipped quietly onto Kevins cheeks and he
brushed at them in frustration as Sean leaned forward and placed a
hand on his shoulder. Mcarthy is not going to fuck with you! he
whispered again. Danny and Ryan will kill him for sure if he
does. Kevin was chewing his lip hard now in an effort to force the
tears back. You should talk to Danny, Kid, Sean encouraged. He
knows what youre going through.
How can he? Kevin replied, wiping desperately once more
at his cheeks. Everybody keeps saying that, but how can he
know?
A tiny smile pulled at the corners of Seans mouth. I think
hed tell you that now, Kevbo, if you asked him, but youre going to
have to talk to him.
I cant Sean! Im not ready . . . .
Look, Kev, Sean cut him off, what goes on between you
and Danny is your business. I am not going to tell you what you
should or should not do there, but the team is another story. Youve
got responsibilities, Man! You understand? Kevin swallowed and
nodded as he met Seans eyes once more. I know its hard, Bud,
Sean whispered. Believe me, I know! Just think about it, though,
Ok? Dannys younger brother nodded again and Sean squeezed his
shoulder. He then got up, collected his free weights and placed them
back where they belonged. See you back at the house, all right?
He turned to Kevin again and his heart wrenched at the expression
on the kids face. One more time Kevin nodded and Sean turned for
the locker room, his gut twisting as he heard Dannys little brother
burst into sobs behind him.

149

File Seven
The Admonishment
"It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity.
-Publilius Syrus
The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we
recognize that we ought to control our thoughts.
-Charles Darwin
The week that followed Seans talk with Kevin was brutal on
all the members of the South Bend University Bulldogs. Everyday,
Sean, Ryan, and Jesse looked hopefully for Kevin and everyday,
they were disappointed. They had decided it would be best not to
tell either Steve or Danny about Seans undertaking. Danny would
be heartbroken, they knew, if things didnt work out and Steve, well
Steve just had enough other worries on his mind.
Coach Beckett became more and more irate each day that
Kevins absence continued. The Championship was breathing down
his neck now and none of his stars were playing; Danny, Ryan, and
Steve were forced to sit on the bench day after day watching
miserably as the coach vented his growing anxiety and rage on their
teammates.
Now, it was the morning of the last big game before the
Championship and still there had been no sign of Coach Becketts
star rookie either in the locker room or in the house. On rare
occasions, Kevins three brothers or some of their friends glimpsed
him as he came in or went out, but he kept to himself most of the
time, staying in his room, and only admitting James or, occasionally,
Alex. Jesse tried to press his little brother for information, but James
was maintaining a stubborn silence, and things were starting to look
desperate.
The mood in the locker room as the players drifted in was
one of gloom and despair. They had worked hard all year and they
were a good team, but their record was not stellar. Now, every game
was critical. Each time they played, they faced the possibility of
150

sudden death, and they had come closer to losing last week than any
of them liked to think about, even with Danny, Ryan, and Steve in
the game. Without any of their stars . . . well some of them felt like
the game wasnt even worth playing. Everyone went quietly about
their own activities, nobody spoke, and the silence that hung in the
air was oppressive.
Danny was changed already. He had arrived early, long
before anyone else, in the hopes that he could talk to Coach Beckett,
and make him change his mind. He had seen the coach, but his plea
had fallen on deaf ears. Now, he sat miserably on the bench in front
of his locker, replaying the conversation in his mind and devising a
new plan of attack.
Steve and Ryan entered, and exchanged glances as they took
in their brothers hunched shoulders and morose expression. Ryan
dropped his bag on the floor and sat on the bench beside him. Steve
made his way to his own locker, giving Dannys shoulder a squeeze
as he passed.
No luck, I take it, huh? Ryan questioned softly. He and
Steve had known of Dannys intentions, but had not banked a whole
lot on his success and so Ryan was not surprised now when Danny
shook his head. Im sorry, Bro, he brought his hand up to his little
brothers shoulder, but Danny didnt respond, and Ryan didnt know
what else to say.
It must be said now that in the midst of the generally
downcast locker room, there were those who were having at least a
little fun. Gregg Mcarthy was as worried about the game as anyone;
this was his moment to shine. It was late in the year, however, and
for that matter a little too late in his career to hope that one game
might make a difference for him come Draft time. Consequently,
the majority of his pleasure now came, not so much from his own
opportunity, but from the knowledge that he was stealing Dannys
spotlight.
Nonchalantly, he propped his foot on the bench between the
two brothers. The kids really coming through for you, huh,
Danny? he sneered as he pulled up his sock and tied his shoe.
Danny ignored him, but Ryan shoved his foot roughly off the bench
before bending to unzip his bag. Gregg, however, was not about to
let this go yet. He placed his other foot on the bench and pretended
he was adjusting his sock as Ryan turned to glare at him. All those
151

hours you spent with him, Gregg continued tauntingly, all the
guidance, all the advice, all the chances you gave him . . . theyre
really paying off arent they?
Danny pressed his hand to his head, and Ryan shoved
Greggs leg harder this time causing him to stumble back as he lost
his balance. Get the fuck out of here, Mcarthy! Dannys big
brother fumed. He was not in the best mood himself. Changing into
a uniform that would never see the first bit of grass or dirt today was
a depressing prospect, and it was killing him to look at his younger
brother. Every bit of the fire and passion that made Danny who he
was, was gone, and Ryan felt helpless. This was something he could
do; if he couldnt get Danny back on the field, he could at least get
Mcarthy off his back.
You got something to bring? Gregg leered as Ryan got to
his feet. Come on then, bring it! he challenged.
You think I wont? Ryan snapped.
Id be surprised if you had the guts, Gregg baited.
Steve came out of nowhere in a half state of dress. He was
just in time to intercept Ryan. Firmly, he pushed his little brother
back as Gregg and his friends snickered. Jesse and Sean watched the
scene from across the locker room, their hearts in their mouths. It
was only when they saw that Steve really had the situation under
control that they began to breathe again. Calm down, Steve
commanded his brother firmly.
But Steve . . ., Ryan protested.
Let it go! Steve repeated in his most authoritative voice,
and Ryan pursed his lips.
Its not fair, he complained.
Ill handle it, Steve assured him quietly. But first you
have to calm down, all right? Ryan glared unhappily in Greggs
direction. I mean it, Ry, Steve cautioned. Let me handle it.
Finally, Steve saw Ryans jaw line relax and felt the tension in his
body begin to dissipate. Its all right, he soothed as Ryan sought
his eyes. You ok? Finally, Ryan nodded, hanging his head, and
Steve squeezed his shoulder.
Well, well, well, big brother to the rescue . . . , Gregg
started, but Steve was done playing now and Gregg yipped loudly as
the fraternity president whirled around and grabbed him forcefully
by the arm, twisting it back and forcing Gregg to bend.
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Ive had it Mcarthy! he admonished sharply. This is

where it stops! I told you two weeks ago not to push me, and I
meant it! He lowered his voice and bent down to peer into Greggs
agonized face. I will hold my brothers accountable once and only
once for their behavior, he warned in Greggs ear. If you continue
to bait them, the next incident is on you. Do you understand?
Oww! Gregg whimpered. Steve tightened his grip and
Gregg grimaced. Ok! he croaked. Oww! Let me go! Finally,
Steve did. Gregg stood up and glared at him, rubbing his arm.
Steve just raised his eyebrows, waiting until Gregg had retreated to
the other end of the locker room before turning back to Ryan.
Ryan evaded his eyes and Steves brows furrowed as he
gazed at his little brother. He was already dreading the thought of
the summons he knew he had no choice but to issue for both Danny
and Ryan, and Ryan was digging himself deeper by the moment. His
stomach tightened and he cringed as he thought of the conversation
he knew he would now have to have with Matt. Ryans continued
rashness and disobedience was not something that Steve wanted to
discuss any further with his own big brother (Matt was not likely to
view this latest incidence of insubordination with a sympathetic
eye). Given the circumstances, however, his little brothers
tendency to react was a real problem, and Steve knew he needed his
older brothers advice, even if it was advice he didnt want to hear.
Sorry, Ryan muttered. His face flushed and he hung his
head again as Steve continued to look at him.
Steve sighed. Youre going to be president next year, Ry,
he scolded softly. You cant let things get to you that way. Mcarthy
will be gone, but most of his followers will still be here, and
Atchinson is just as bad (Kyle Atchinson was Gregg Mcarthys little
brother). There will always be at least one, Bud, Steve cautioned.
Finally, Ryan met his eyes. Dont let them get to you, ok? Ryan
nodded, and Steve swatted him lightly on his boxer clad butt as he
returned to his own locker. Watch yourself, Kid, he warned.

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File Eight
The Reprieve
"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward
justice."
- Martin Luther King JR.
Soberly, Steve and Ryan continued changing and at last the
rest of the team members found their way to the locker room. The
drama that had taken place between Gregg and Ryan only deepened
the silence. The atmosphere now was nearly unbearable for all of
them.
Fifteen minutes later, the door at the end of the hall that led
to the coachs office shut hard and everyone looked up expectantly.
Coach Beckett was ready to address the team. A rash of whispering
broke out as he appeared, spreading quickly and breaking the stifling
silence, but it was not Coach they were all looking at; Kevin Kramer
stood behind him. He was not in uniform, but he carried his bag on
his shoulder.
Ryan nudged Danny and his little brother looked up. He
followed Ryans gaze and got to his feet, hopefully. Kevin looked
his way and for the first time in over two weeks, the two brothers
made full eye contact. Silence descended once more as everyone
waited to see what would happen. Kevins cheeks burned, and he
shifted uneasily under all the attention.
Its good to have you back, Kid, Danny ventured softly,
trying to ease the way. The silence intensified around him, and his
stomach clenched. You going to play? he managed finally.
Kevin bit hard on his lip, his eyes never leaving those of his
older brother. Finally, he nodded and the locker room erupted. The
coach placed his hand on Kevins shoulder. Suit up, Kramer, he
commanded.
Yes, Sir, Kevin responded, and tearing his eyes away from
Dannys, he turned to do as the coach had directed.
Coach Beckett was doing his best to maintain his stoic,
businesslike demeanor amidst the now otherwise jubilant locker
room, but even he couldnt help grinning as he looked now at the
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expectant faces of Kevins three brothers. All right, you three, he

addressed them gruffly, go on out and warm up with the team. You
will be starting.
Yes! Huhha! Ryan whooped and clapped Danny on the
back two seconds before Steve swept him off his feet. Hey! he
laughed as Steve whirled him around. Put me down, you imbecile!
Danny hadnt moved, and as Steve set Ryan down, both his
brothers laughed at the stunned expression on his face. Keeping his
arm around Ryan, Steve hooked his arm around his other little
brothers neck and pulled him to him. I told you it would all work
out, he whispered tenderly.
Danny tried to smile, but his eyes were still on Kevin and he
found all of a sudden that he didnt care as much about the game as
he thought he had. It meant nothing to him without his little brother.
Steve and Ryan followed his eyes. Its going to be all right, Dan,
Steve whispered. I promise, ok?
Danny swallowed hard. Kevin hadnt looked back at him
once since he had looked away. Itll be ok, Bro, Ryan echoed
their older brother. Trust us! Youll see!
I know, Danny did his best to sound more hopeful than he
felt, and he had to laugh despite himself as the next moment Jesse
bounced up to him.
Were going to the Championship!!!!!!!!! he screamed as
he flung himself at his best friend.
Take it easy, Jess, Danny chuckled as his friend tried to lift
him and teetered backwards under his weight. We havent won the
game yet!
But we will! Jesse replied with genuine conviction and
Steve and Ryan laughed too as Sean appeared and pulled his overly
exuberant little brother off of Danny. The next moment all their
friends surrounded them and swept them into the now frenzied
celebration. Danny had time for only one quick glance back to
where Kevin too was now surrounded by his own doting admirers
and friends.
The atmosphere of the locker room now was a stark contrast
to the gloom of ten minutes before and the team that had been more
ready for a funeral than a football game was now as fired up as
anyone could ever hope. There was only one person not celebrating.
Gregg Mcarthy was sitting in the back corner alone, every bit as
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miserable now as Danny had been fifteen minutes earlier, but

nobody noticed, not even Kyle.
Ten minutes later, Kevin was dressed (no one had
commented on the meeting or his butt which was healing nicely),
and all four brothers were pushed to the front of the pack as the team
made their way onto the field where they were greeted by the
deafening roar of the fans who loved them. Kevin was received
especially well, having missed the last two games, and Danny was
touched by the expression on his little brothers face. Welcome
back, Bud, he whispered again and tentatively he placed his hand
on Kevins shoulder as they stood for a moment, looking up at the
fans. Kevin stiffened slightly, but did not pull away and as small as
the victory was, Danny took more hope from that moment than from
all the reassurances his two older brothers had given him put
together.

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File Nine
The Talk (Reiterated)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to
occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable,
unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments,
propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out
of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer
answers."
-M. Scott Peck
The game did not go particularly well. The Bulldogs won it
of course (Danny sure as hell wasnt going to lose it), but it was hard
fought and came down to a field goal in the end. Kevin didnt have
as much to do with it as one might suppose either. He had, after all,
not practiced for over two weeks and the strain between him and
Danny was evident. He made a couple of good plays and gained
some significant yards, but he did not score any touchdowns.
Danny, in his excitement at the end of the game, tried to
embrace him, but Kevin pushed him away. Kev . . ., Danny
started.
Dont, Danny! Kevin held up his hands as Danny
approached him again and Danny stopped. Just . . .dont . . .ok?
Dannys face fell. Kev, come on . . . .
Just leave me alone, ok? Kevin cautioned, backing away.
Just leave me alone! He turned quickly, shoving the unsuspecting
camera men out of the way, and keeping his head down as he headed
for the locker room. Steve and Ryan, caught in the thick of the
commotion themselves, had not seen the exchange, nor did they
notice the affect it had on Danny as two seconds later they swept
him back into the celebration, but someone had noticed, and that
same someone followed Kevin into the locker room.
Come on kid, Kevin jumped at the sound of the voice
behind him and spun around to confront Jesse Kinkaids inquisitive
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eyes. Just how long do you plan to make him pay, huh? Jesse
inquired softly.
Leave me alone, Jess, please, Kevin requested tiredly,
turning back to his locker and beginning to strip off his sweaty
uniform.
No can do, Kevbo, Jesse replied, not until you tell me
whats going on.
Nothings going on! Kevin protested.
Bullshit! Jesse countered. You really hurt him just now!
Kevin remained quiet as he threw his jersey in the laundry cart and
began to unbuckle his pads. Why are you holding this over his
head?
Im not HOLDING IT OVER HIS HEAD, Jesse! Kevin
returned exasperatedly. Im just not ready to talk to him!
Why not? Kevin was silent once more as he started to
untie his pants. He has done everything for you! Jesse began to
get angry, now. Theres nothing he wouldnt do for you, Kevin,
and none of this is his fault! The meeting nearly destroyed him!
Why are you so mad at him?
Im . . . Im not mad! Kevins voice caught in his throat.
That is such a load of crap, Kevin!
No, really, Jess! Im not mad, ok?! Jesus! I just need some
space! Is that really so much to ask? Jesse regarded him for a
moment without speaking.
All right, Kevin, he said at last, if youre really not mad,
then why did you rip up his picture? You know how much he loved
it. He showed it to everyone.
He knows about that? Kevins face drained as he tossed his
pants in the laundry cart, and finally turned to face Jesse.
Yes, Jesse returned quietly. He went to try to talk to you
the other day and found it on the floor. Kevin pressed his fingers to
his eyes. Why did you rip it if you arent mad? Jesse prompted
gently.
That was nearly two weeks ago, Jess! I was a little mad
then, ok? I was confused! But Im not now!
Well, why wont you talk to him then? It was Jesses turn
to be exasperated.
Because, Jesse, Im a fuck up! Ok? I fucked it all up! Dont
you get it?? Kevins voice cracked. I thought it was a party! I
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strolled into that meeting like I was the shit, broke I dont know how
many fraternity rules, and basically made a complete ass out of
myself! I feel like such a fucking idiot! After all the times Danny
tried to tell me, after all the things he did to try and help me, and I
never listened . . . . I just cant face him, Jess! I cant face him!
Kevin sat down on the nearest bench and covered his face as tears
began to streak his cheeks.
Jesse gazed uncomfortably down at him for a minute, trying
to think of the right words. Danny doesnt think youre an idiot,
Bud, I promise you, he said softly at last. Kevin didnt respond and
Jesse sighed, sitting down next to him and feeling encouraged when
Kevin didnt move away. You need to talk to him, Kid, he went
on softly. Hes crazy about you! Now, more than ever!
I dont see how he can be! Kevin sobbed. Ive done
nothing but fuck up all semester long! I nearly failed all my classes,
gave him nothing but shit when he tried to help me, and then
because of me all of my brothers got suspended from the team! They
probably hate me!
They dont hate you, Jesse returned quietly.
But I let the whole fucking team down! Kevin insisted.
You didnt let anyone down, Kev, Jesse assured. You
showed up today, didnt you?
Yeah so? Fat lot of good I did!
You played hard, Kevin! And your brothers got to play, and
we won, Bud! Were going to the Championship! It doesnt have to
be all on you all the time, you know. You put too much on
yourself!
I almost blew the whole thing, Jess, by being such an ass
wipe! I just feel so . . . so . . . dumb! he choked at last.
For a moment Jesse was silent, choosing his words carefully.
This was a conversation Kevin needed to have with Danny. Listen
to me, Kevin, he started at last. Are you listening? Kevin
nodded. He was still crying hard, but he wiped at his face now, and
made an effort to pay attention. You need to talk to Danny, Jesse
repeated with quiet emphasis.
I cant, Kevin objected.
Wait, Jesse held up his hand, and Kevin hung his head,
brushing at his cheeks once more. You are not dumb, Kev! Nobody
thinks that! Least of all, Danny. Kevin looked at his brothers best
159

friend now and Jesse met his eyes. He knows exactly what youre
going through, kid, Jesse finished quietly.
But how can he? Kevin protested disbelievingly.
He does, Kevin, Jesse cut him off, gazing intently into
Kevins confused eyes. He knows EXACTLY what youre going
through, Bud, he repeated softly. Do you understand what Im
saying to you? Kevin just gazed at him in shock, unable to believe
Jesse really meant what he seemed to mean.
Why didnt he tell me? he sobbed, finally.
He couldnt, Kevbo, Jesse replied softly. Theres a
whole lot you havent figured out about all this just yet, Bud, and
thats why you need to talk to him. Kevin looked down now as he
tried to process everything Jesse was saying.
Did he think the meeting was going to be a party too? he
demanded wretchedly, after a minute.
Jesse couldnt help the little snort that escaped, and Kevin
looked at him in surprise. You should ask him what he thought,
Kid, Jesse encouraged with another little chuckle. You might not
think you had it so bad, when he tells you. Kevin hung his head
again, and Jesse waited patiently for a few moments, but finally he
asked, So, will you talk to him? Kevin nodded, brushing at his
cheeks once more. Tonight? Jesse pressed. Kevin nodded again.
Promise?
Ok, Jess, Kevin responded at last with an exasperated little
laugh. I promise Ill talk to him. Tonight, he added as Jesse eyed
him skeptically.
Finally satisfied, Jesse squeezed his shoulder and got to his
feet. Why dont you get dressed and come on out there with us,
Kevbo? This is your celebration too. Its been ten years since we
went to the Championship, and you and Danny together had a lot to
do with getting us this chance.
Kevin shook his head. I dont really feel like celebrating,
Jess, he replied softly.
For a moment Jesse gazed sympathetically at him, wishing
there was something more he could say or do, but he could think of
nothing. Ok, Bud, he finally sighed. Are you going to be all
right? Kevin nodded, and quietly Jesse left the locker room, intent
now on rejoining the still raucous festivities on the field. For a long
time, after he was gone, Kevin just sat there, trying to pull himself
160

together, thinking about all Jesse had told him, and planning what he
would say to Danny later on that night.

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File Ten
The Reconciliation
"Nothing can match the treasure of common memories, of
trials endured together, of quarrels and reconciliations and
generous emotions. It is idle, having planted an acorn in
the morning, to expect that afternoon to sit in the shade of
the oak."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupry (Wind, Sand, and Stars)
The news spread quickly from Jesse to Sean, from Sean to
Ryan, and from Ryan to Steve. By eight o'clock that evening,
Danny was the only one inside their little circle who did not know of
the impending event. He headed back to the house in low spirits.
There were still plenty of parties going on of course, but he wasnt
in much of a party mood, not when Kevin was clearly still mad at
him. Ryan went with him and hung out for awhile, trying to cheer
him up with little success. Then, around nine, Sean and Steve
showed up, claiming to need Ryan for something. Danny
encouraged him to go and thus he was alone in their room at the
computer when the knock finally came.
Come in, he responded moodily.
I hope . . . I mean is this a good time? I can come
back . . . .
Danny looked quickly towards the door at the sound of his
little brothers voice and sat up straighter in his chair. Yeah, Bro, of
course it is, he responded. Come on in. Hesitantly, Kevin
stepped into the room, shutting the door after him and for a moment,
the two brothers just looked at one another. Have a seat, Danny
finally offered. You want something to drink? he asked, getting
up and going to the mini fridge in the corner by Ryans bed. Soda,
water, beer? he turned to look at Kevin who was now sitting
awkwardly on the end of Dannys bed. Kevin met his eyes briefly,
but shook his head and looked away again quickly. Danny shut the
door to the fridge and contemplated his little brother thoughtfully for
162

a moment. Whats up, Bro? he prompted quietly at last. Whats

on your mind?
I um . . . I thought you might want to see this. Kevin
looked up once more to meet his brothers eyes and his face
reddened. It was then that Danny saw his little brother was
clutching a packet of paper stapled together in the upper left corner.
What is it? he asked softly as Kevin tentatively offered it
to him. He received no response and gently he took the packet from
Kevins hand. Kevin looked uneasily at the ground, and Danny
looked down at the papers he now held.
Oh my God! he exclaimed. You got an A? He looked at
his little brother for confirmation and Kevin nodded, though he did
not look up. Oh my God, Kevin! I cant believe it! he laughed.
Merrick never gives As! I knew you could do it, Bud! This is
awesome!
Yeah, Kevin grumbled in embarrassment. Turns out,
studying DOES help. Go figure, huh?
Danny laughed again. So are you going to pass?
Yeah, looks like it, Kevin murmured, his cheeks flaming.
Merrick said if I come to every class between now and the end of
the semester and make at least a B on the Final, hell pass me, so I
think Im set.
Wait until Ryan and Steve hear about this! Danny gloated,
looking down at the history report once more and smirking to
himself as he thought of Gregg Mcarthys earlier comments. All
the time, energy, and work had indeed paid off. Im proud of you,
Bud, he looked once more at his little brother, only to find that
Kevin had his fingers to his eyes; he was fighting back tears.
Hey, Bro, Danny sat quickly down next to him and placed
his arm around him, laying the report beside him on the bed. Its
ok, he whispered.
Im sorry, Danny, Kevin choked.
For what? Danny asked softly.
For everything, Kevin sobbed. Im sorry for everything!
You have nothing to be sorry for, Kev, Danny assured.
I let you down, Kevin wept. I let everybody down!
You didnt let me down, Bro, Danny comforted once more.
Kevin was only becoming more worked up and Danny tightened his
arm, pulling him closer to his side. You didnt let anybody down,
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he repeated as Kevin buried his face in his shoulder. Youre all

right, Bud, he whispered soothingly. Were all right.
I just feel like such a jerk, Danny! I fucked everything up!
Everything!
Youre not a jerk, Kev, Danny murmured, and you didnt
fuck anything up. Kevins gut wrenching sobs continued to fill the
room and Danny squeezed his shoulder. Hey, Bud, come on now,
youre fine, he whispered. Everythings going to be ok. I wasnt
such a model of perfection myself, you know, last year.
I know! Kevin sobbed. Jesse told me.
He did, did he? Danny chuckled, and Kevin nodded
against his shoulder. For a few more minutes there was silence as
Kevin worked up the courage to ask what he wanted to ask.
Did you get licks? he sniffed at last. Danny hugged him
closer but remained silent. Last years meeting was not among his
favorite topics of conversation. Finally Kevin began to grow calmer
and he looked up, brushing at his cheeks. Jesse said you got licks,
last year, he insisted.
He told you that, did he? Danny whispered, meeting his
little brothers eyes.
Well, Kevin blushed a little once more, not in so many
words, maybe, but yeah. Danny too was red, now, and he pulled his
little brother closer again. So, did you? Kevin prompted.
Danny was quiet for another minute, but then he sighed.
Yeah, Bro, he admitted softly, at last, I got licks last year.
Kevins eyes widened and Danny squeezed his shoulder
again. In front of the fraternity? Like I did? Kevin barely
breathed.
Yeah, Bud, Danny confirmed once more. What did you
think I meant when I said I knew how hard it was, huh? Kevin
shrugged and cuddled closer, thinking it all over. Danny too was
quiet.
Did you think it was a party too? Kevin broke the silence
with a little sob.
Well, sort of. Danny couldnt help smirking, for once, at
his own memory.
What do you mean, sort of?
Well, Danny explained sheepishly, cocky little ass that I
was, I thought they were inducting me into the Bulldog Hall of
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Fame.
Kevin looked up in surprise. As a freshman?
Yeah, Danny flushed again. Presumptuous little bastard,
wasnt I?
Kevin hid his face again, but he wasnt quick enough to hide
the smile pulling at the sides of his mouth and Danny poked him in
the ribs.
Oww! Kevin laughed. Im sorry, Danny, he declared,
but Jesse was right! That is worse!
Thanks, Bro, Danny quipped, just rub it in, why dont
you?
Kevin looked up and smiled (really smiled) for the first time
in weeks, and Dannys heart soared. He brought his thumb up to
wipe the last of the tears from his little brothers cheeks and then
closed his arms completely around him as Kevin snuggled in closer
again.
So, how come you didnt tell me? Kevin questioned after a
while.
I couldnt, Bro, Danny responded.
Why not?
Therere a whole lot of reasons.
Like what?
Danny was quiet for a moment. Its complicated, Kev, he
said, finally.
Can you tell me now?
I can try, I guess, Danny affirmed, wondering where to
start. Its kind of a tradition, he went on at last.
Great tradition, Kevin scoffed, hiding his face once more
as tears burned his eyes.
Danny couldnt help laughing a little as he squeezed his little
brothers shoulder. It is, actually, he returned seriously. You
havent figured it out yet, have you, Kev? he whispered.
Figured out what? Kevin inquired. A knock on the door
prevented Danny from answering.
Who is it? Danny cried irritably.
Room service! came the high pitched response.
Damn it! Danny cursed under his breath but couldnt help
smirking all the same. Its not a good time, Ry, he warned. There
was a long pause and Danny waited, listening intently to the
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nonexistent sounds outside the door. You see, Kev, he started

again when all seemed quiet, but another knock interrupted the
thought.
What?? Danny exploded.
Housekeeping . . . . This time it was Steves barely
recognizable falsetto voice that floated through the door, and now
even Kevin couldnt help laughing a little.
Beat it! Danny commanded.
There was a pause and then, No Habla Ingles! came the
reply.
Sorry, Kev! Danny muttered, and he got up from the bed,
and went to the door as Kevin brushed in frustration at the tears that
persisted in streaking his cheeks.
What do you want, guys? he started, cracking the door just
wide enough to peer out at them. Its not a good . . . . He stopped
in mid-sentence as his eyes fell on the packages his brothers were
carrying, and they grinned at him. You knew? Danny demanded,
opening the door wider. Steve and Ryan just simpered at him. You
bastards! he accused laughingly. You totally fucking knew!
So, are we just going to stand out here in the hall all night?
Ryan quipped.
Yeah, Danny teased, and he started to close the door.
Come on, Bro, Steve laughed, wedging his foot in the
door. Let us in before we drop something.
Would serve you right, Danny griped, but he swung the
door open, stepped back to let his two impish brothers pass, and then
shut it securely again behind them.
Hey, Kev, Ryan greeted as he placed his boxes carefully on
the desk.
Hey, Kevin returned the greeting half-heartedly. He
resented having his time with Danny interrupted, especially when he
was just about to get some answers, finally. Whats all that stuff?
he asked, indicating the boxes Steve and Ryan had brought in.
Well, Steve began, rumor has it that someone around here
had a birthday not too long ago.
Kevin raised his eyebrows, hopefully, feeling all of a sudden
a great deal more cordial towards his two oldest brothers. Those
are for me?
Ryan laughed. You know someone else who just had a
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birthday? Kevin smiled sheepishly.

We just thought wed celebrate it properly, Bud, Steve
asserted more seriously, and everyone was quiet.
We didnt mean for things to go down like they did,
Kevbo. We all want you to know that, Ryan added softly after a
minute.
I know, Kevin muttered. It was my own stupid
fault . . . . His voice trailed off, and he looked down uncomfortably.
Hey, Man, weve all been there, Ryan soothed.
Yeah, we have, Steve agreed.
Did Danny tell you what happened to him, last year? Ryan
threw a lopsided grin at his little brother.
Ok! Danny cut him off. Yes, I told him. As you said,
weve all been there, ok? No need to dwell on it. With a crimson
face, Danny made his way to the pile of packages, and plucking one
off the top, sat down on the bed next to Kevin. Here, Bud, he
pushed the box into his little brothers hands as Steve and Ryan
traded looks of amusement. Open this one, first. Its from me and
Ryan.
You guys didnt have to do that, Kevin started quietly.
We wanted to, Bro, Danny assured.
I dont deserve it, Kevin remarked bitterly.
Oh, Kevin, Ryan laughed, Danny had the thing picked
out months ago and hes been waiting all this time to give it to you.
Just open it, Bud! And happy birthday!
Kevin looked at Danny, and seeing the anticipation in his big
brothers eyes, he couldnt help smiling a little. Finally, he turned
his attention back to the box and taking no more than a moment to
strip off the somewhat crude wrapping, he lifted the top. In that
moment all else was forgotten.
Its authentic! he squealed, jerking the blue, red, and silver
jersey from the box, and all his brothers laughed as he hugged it to
his chest. I cant believe it! he cried. It was indeed an authentic
New England Patriots jersey, sporting the number twenty-eight.
Kevin had idolized the team since childhood. His dream was to play
for them, someday. Number twenty-eight was a popular number that
year and jerseys were hard to come by (even the replica jerseys).
Authentic number twenty-eight jerseys were nearly impossible to
get and very expensive. Now, there were not enough words in the
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English language for Kevin to accurately dispel his feelings of

gratitude and enthusiasm. He hugged both his brothers a thousand
times and kept holding the jersey up to himself. Finally, when it
became apparent that he was not going to let go of it, Steve
laughingly told him to shut up and put it on. Happily, Kevin
complied. More gifts followed, lots of odds and ends that his
brothers had felt it necessary for him to have (some of them related
to school). The clear second favorite was an autographed picture of
his favorite New England player (from Matt and Steve), but nothing
delighted Kevin more than the jersey. He kept looking down and
fingering the number as though to be sure it had not disappeared,
and Ryan and Danny couldnt help exchanging smug smiles of
satisfaction.
Finally, only one package remained. An air of anticipation
filled the room as Steve picked it up and Danny and Ryan once
again sought one anothers eyes. The festive mood that had been
developing was replaced by one of sober expectation, and Kevin felt
it instantly. Danny brought his hand up to his shoulder, and Ryan
moved from the desk chair where he had been sitting to sit on
Kevins other side. Steve dropped to his knees before them and
gently laid the package on their little brothers lap. Kevin bit his lip.
Is this something I want to open? he mumbled. None of his
brothers answered and he looked at Danny. Danny met his eyes, and
squeezed his shoulder.
Go on, Bud, its all right, Ryan urged softly from the other
side. Kevin swallowed, dropping his eyes again to the package as
Ryan placed his hand soothingly against his back. Slowly, and with
considerable dread, Kevin peeled back the paper and lifted the top of
the box.
His cheeks burned and tears welled up quickly as he saw
what was inside. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. Do we have to
do this? he choked. Im sorry for the way I acted. I know I was a
brat! Tears started to streak his face and Dannys stomach
tightened. He placed his arm around his little brother once more and
hugged him close. Im sorry! Kevin sobbed, burying his face on
Dannys shoulder. Please cant we forget it? I just want to forget it!
Ill try harder from now on! I promise Ill try! he whimpered.
Kev, Danny soothed, this is not what you think, Bud.
This is not about you or your behavior right now. Kevin just
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continued to sob. You know those questions you were asking me

earlier? Danny went on huskily. Kevin nodded. Well thats what
this is about, Bud. Look at the handle. Danny directed his little
brothers eyes back to the intimidating fraternity paddle that lay in
the box. It was a minute before Kevin could bring himself to look,
but finally he turned his head and wiped at his cheeks as he did his
best to focus on the blurred object before him. See the names?
Danny whispered.
Oh, thats great! Kevin blurted, crying harder as he zoned
immediately in on his own name. Thats just fucking great! he
sobbed. Now, the whole world will know what a shit head I was
my freshman year. What an honor! Ryan turned his head and
Danny chewed his lip to keep from smirking, but Steve laughed
outright.
Well, Bud, he assured affectionately. Youre not alone.
Look a little higher. Kevin wiped at his cheeks again and tried to
peer closer, but all the names blurred together. Finally, he made out
Dannys name just above his own. Look higher, Bud, Steve urged
again, seeing that he was still confused. At last Kevin saw what his
brothers wanted him to see. Before Dannys name, came Ryans,
before Ryans was Steves, before Steves was Matts and the string
of names continued all the way up the handle, but what did it all
mean?
I dont understand, he sobbed.
This is not just any paddle, Kev, Steve explained. This
implement has been passed down for over fifty years, now, from the
Rho Beta Chi president to his youngest brother upon completion of
the Mandatory Meeting. The look on Kevins face left his brothers
in no doubt of his feelings regarding the tradition and Danny and
Ryan were doing their best not to laugh. Its yours now, Kev,
Steve persisted. Until next year, you are now its keeper.
I dont want it! Kevin cried, looking at the box with
undisguised distaste.
I know, Steve acknowledged with a small smile. Id be
surprised if you did, but its your duty, now, to keep it safe, until its
time to pass it on to your little brother next year.
Kevin just looked at his oldest brother blankly. Dont you
need it? he petitioned brokenly.
Naw, Ryan answered for his big brother. This paddle is
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special, made especially for us. Its nothing but the best for our royal
asses. We get the polished oak, while the rest of the fraternity has to
endure the lower class, everyday variety. Steve glared at his little
brother reprovingly and Ryan grinned crookedly at him.
Dont you understand, Bro? Steve returned his eyes to
Kevin, who now looked even more confused than before, and gently
cupped his youngest brothers face in his hands, forcing him to look
at him. We dont do this idly, Kev, he continued softly. We didnt
single you out to torture or humiliate you. Why do you think it was
you, Bud, instead of James or Alex or one of the other fraternity
miscreants? Ryan and Danny both pressed closer as Kevins
agitation visibly increased.
I dont know! Kevin sobbed.
Do you think your behavior was worse than theirs? Steve
asked softly. Kevin shrugged, and Steve used his thumbs to wipe the
fast flowing tears from his little brothers cheeks. Well, it wasnt,
Steve assured tenderly, looking intently into the tear filled eyes.
Many of your classmates deserved it just as much as you, Kev, he
whispered, but they are not my brothers. As my youngest brother
you have a responsibility to set and maintain a certain standard of
behavior. Others will look to you, Bud. You have to set an example
they can follow. We expect more of you, Kev, because you are
capable of more, and when youre not setting that example we have
to come down harder on you than on them. They have to know that
we are all accountable, that everyone in the house must abide by the
rules or suffer the consequences. Steve glanced at Danny and Ryan,
but they avoided his eyes. It has to be clear, Kev, he went on
softly, that there are no favorites. You took your licks in one big
dose, Kid, and you took them in front of the fraternity. Kevin cried
harder as feelings from that night rushed back on him and Danny
squeezed his shoulder once more. I know its hard, Bud, Steve
continued, but its over, ok? And hopefully there will be no need
for any repeats. Do you understand what Im saying, Kevbo?
Steve caressed Kevins cheek gently as his little brother sobbed.
Its only supposed to happen once for you, Bud, he whispered.
Kevin hung his head, and when, after a minute, he still didnt
respond, Steve got to his feet. He removed the box with the
offending implement, and placed it once more on the desk. He then
pulled Kevin to his feet and folded him in his arms. Youre all
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right, Kev, Steve reassured as his little brother buried his face in his
chest. Ryan and Danny looked on quietly, fighting now with their
own emotions. Steve looked at them again as he spoke comfortingly
to Kevin. Its over, Bro, ok? Nothing but the most serious kind of
infraction would induce me to summon you, now. Understand?
Kevin nodded against his chest, and Steve stroked his hair. Its
only supposed to happen once, he repeated. He was talking to
Kevin, but his eyes never left Danny and Ryan and his two other
little brothers cringed. Tears burned Dannys eyes and he looked
down, putting his face in his hands. Ryan slid closer to him as Steve
went on. You know what it feels like, now, Kevbo, he said. You
know how horrible it is to be on the receiving end of such a
paddling. Thats important, Bud. Neither The Code nor the process
of the summons is to be taken lightly. The paddle is to be used only
in the most serious instances and as a last resort. Knowing what it
feels like, makes it less tempting to abuse that power.
What power? Kevin sobbed. I dont have any power!
You will, Steve chuckled.
What? Kevin looked up at Steve with a bewildered
expression that touched his oldest brothers heart.
Dont you get it, Bro? he asked softly, bringing his hand
up to wipe away Kevins tears once more. In three years, Kevin,
you will be president.
Me? Kevin exclaimed.
Yeah, Little Bro, you, Steve laughed at the look of
astonishment. What do you think about that? As he tried to
process it all, Kevin turned to Danny. Danny still had his face in his
hands and Ryan had his hand on his back. His big brother nudged
him gently and Danny looked up to find Kevins eyes on him.
Kevin seemed not to notice his distress, and Danny had to smile a
little at the shocked expression on his brothers face.
So, what do you think, Kev? he repeated Steves question.
Kevin thought about it for a moment; he was still trying to collect
himself.
I think, he said finally and he paused.
Out with it, Bro, Ryan coaxed.
I think, Kevin repeated with another little sob, that I dont
know if I really want to be president. He hid his face on Steves
shoulder again, and all his brothers laughed.
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Welcome to the club, Kid, Steve commented. Thats how

we all feel about it, but its not so bad. By the time you get here,
youll be very used to the idea.
Come on, Bud, cheer up, Ryan encouraged from the bed.
Thats three years away. Im the next one on deck, he asserted
tentatively, watching his older brother for a reaction. He got none
and Steve avoided his eyes.
Yeah, Danny agreed. Dont worry about it just yet, Bro.
Lots of time between now and then.
Yes there is, Steve agreed. And in the meantime, Kevbo,
whenever youre ready, I think there are a few more people who
might like to wish you happy birthday.
There are? Kevin queried into his shoulder.
Yes, Steve smiled.
Who? Dannys surprised tone echoed Kevins, prompting
Ryan to grin too.
Sean, Jesse, Alex, and James for starters, he laughed, but
by now who knows? I believe theyve invited all of Rho Beta Xi
and only the good Lord knows who those girls will drag through the
door.
The girls are invited? Kevin looked up eagerly.
Dont sound so surprised, Bro, Steve laughed. We all like
a good party. Its just that there is a time and a place.
Ryans eyes sparkled. I hear theres going to be cake and
ice cream, and maybe even, now dont quote me on this, he
quipped, but I hear there might even be beer.
Beer? Kevins squeak of excitement made even Danny
laugh, now, as his little brother turned eagerly to Steve. Can I have
some, Steve? Just one or two? I promise not to overdo it! Steve
squeezed his shoulder, touched by the earnest appeal.
Well, you have been working very hard, Kev . . . .
Hey, that reminds me! Danny interjected excitedly. He
picked up the report from where it still lay beside him on the bed
and dangled it mischievously in front of his two older brothers.
Who here has ever gotten an A from Merrick? he grinned.
You mean besides you? Ryan retorted.
Yeah, well, Danny is his pet, Steve ribbed. The man
doesnt give As to anyone else. Its just a fact. Scored another
miracle this semester, did you? he smiled indulgently down at his
172

second youngest brother.

Nope, not me, Danny could hardly contain himself.
What? Let me see that! Ryan made a grab for the report,
and Danny let him have it. Kevin! Ryan exclaimed in disbelief.
Kevin got an A from Merrick?? he laughed.
What? Steve too had trouble concealing his astonishment.
Let me see. Keeping his arm around Kevin, he stretched out his
other hand for the report and Ryan gave it to him. Howd you get
an A from the biggest hard ass on campus, Kev? he teased as he
thumbed through the clearly legitimate report. Kevin shrugged and
blushed with pleasure, looking along with Steve as his brother
continued to leaf through the pages. The comments definitely had
Merricks tone. Though Steve had never gotten anything so positive
on his own papers, he had read the comments on some of Dannys
before.
Why should you be so surprised? Danny demanded,
bursting with pride as Ryan and Steve tried to get over their shock.
Hes MY little brother.
Oh, shit, Steve laughed, rolling his eyes at Ryan as he
closed the report and laid it carefully on the desk. Here we go . . .
didnt I tell you? Ryan just grinned.
So, can I have a beer or two tonight, Steve? Kevin returned
to the subject foremost on his mind at the time and all his brothers
laughed once more.
How can I say no, after that, Bud? Steve replied. Lets
just make sure we get back on track on Monday, ok?
Yes! Kevin jumped out of Steves embrace and punched
the air in victory, and Ryan and Danny smiled, enjoying their
brothers happiness.
Coach told Jesse and Sean they could use the gym, Steve
went on when Kevin was finally done dancing about the room. I
told them, wed be over whenever we were through here. Its almost
ten now. I said I thought wed certainly be done by ten-thirty.
Theyre probably going to jump out at you, Bud, so try to act
surprised? Ok? Steve grinned.
Ok, Kevin grinned back.
All right, Bro, why dont you go get in the shower?
Ok, Kevin agreed. Thanks guys! he hugged all his
brothers again, giving an especially long hug to Danny, and then off
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he went. His mind was filled for the first time in weeks with
nothing but eager anticipation of the night ahead. If only everyones
thoughts could have been as wonderful.

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File Eleven
The Portent
May the Gods avert the omen.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero
The mood changed instantly as the door closed behind the
youngest of the four brothers. Now, that all of the business with
Kevin had been settled, they had no choice but to think of the other
serious matter hanging over them. Danny hung his head again and
Ryan bit his lip as Steve looked at them. Time had run out, they
knew. Their big brother could not put off the inevitable much longer.
Steve tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he looked at
his two younger brothers. They avoided his eyes and he knew what
they were thinking about. He wanted to say something comforting,
but could think of nothing. He knew too, that the day was fast
approaching when he could no longer stall. "I'm going to go get
ready," he whispered huskily at last. Neither Danny nor Ryan looked
up, but they both nodded to show they had heard, and without
another word, Steve left the room, shutting the door gently behind
him.
"You ok?" Ryan asked softly when their older brother was
gone. Danny shrugged. Ryan placed his arm around him, pulling
him close, and Danny turned his face into his big brother's shoulder.
"I can't stop thinking about it, Ryan," his voice quavered as
all the mixed emotions of the night caught up with him.
"I know," Ryan returned softly. "I can't either." Tears began
to streak Dannys cheeks and Ryan held him, pressing his cheek to
his head, and rubbing his back soothingly. They sat like that, without
talking, for another few minutes before they reluctantly began to get
ready for the party. Neither of them really felt like going, but they
would not abandon their brother. They would make this night special
for him, and maybe, just maybe if they focused enough attention on
Kevin, they would both forget the potent reprimand hidden in their
older brother's comforting words.
`It's only supposed to happen once for you, Bud.' Danny
paused in front of the closet where he was trying to select a shirt and
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put his hand over his face. Those words kept pounding through his
head. `Nothing but the most serious kind of infraction would induce
me to summon you, now. Understand?' Danny took a deep bitter
breath and felt his big brother's hand on his shoulder. Without a
word, Ryan selected a shirt and handed it to him and, gratefully,
Danny began to put it on. Ryan then selected a shirt of his own, and
the two brothers finished getting dressed in silence. `It was only
supposed to happen once.' The bitter thought kept going through
their minds.
Twenty minutes later, Kevin bounced into the room, looking
squeaky clean and smelling strongly of cologne. He was wearing his
jersey with a clean pair of jeans and his brothers smiled a little
despite themselves. Kevin was too excited to notice the change in
their mood, but Steve sensed it instantly when he stepped into the
room. He sent Kevin on ahead of them, and as Ryan closed the door
and locked it behind them, he put an arm around each of his other
two brothers. "It's ok, guys," he whispered as they pressed close to
him. "We'll get through it. I promise." They nodded, but Steve could
tell they had doubts. Hell, didn't he have doubts too? `It's only
supposed to happen once!' His own words still echoed in his mind as
well and he squeezed his brothers' shoulders as Kevin bounced back
to reclaim them.
He watched Kevin drag Ryan and Danny each off by a hand
and wished desperately that there was a way to make this whole
business easier on them. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. `Just get
through tonight, Steve,' he cautioned himself. Tonight was not the
time to think about this. Tonight was a night for being with his
brothers, enjoying their company, and strengthening their bond.
`Tonight is a night for healing,' he thought warily to himself. `I will
think about the summons tomorrow.'

176

Folder Three
The Summons
File One: The Summons
File Two: Rallying Support
File Three: The Feud
File Four: Anticipation
File Five: Break Down
File Six: The Reprimand
File Seven: Damage Control
File Eight: Stalling
File Nine: Indecision
File Ten: The Lecture
File Eleven: Dannys Penance
File Twelve: The Revelation
File Thirteen: The Storm Before the Calm
File Fourteen: Reflections Prompted by a Proverb

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File One
The Summons
"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears,
for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying
our hard hearts."
-Charles Dickens (Great Expectations)
The Championship was over. For the first time in ten years
the South Bend University Bull Dogs were division champions. The
celebration had been massive; the feeling euphoric, but that was
three days ago. It was over, now.
Danny sat on a rock high above the rushing creek deep in the
woods behind the Saber Bend University campus. It was where he
always came to be alone. Tears welled in his eyes and he swallowed
hard as he looked down at the two slips of paper he was clutching in
his hand. He had been dreading the pink one for weeks, but he had
not expected the blue one to accompany it.
Hey, the soft, husky voice broke into his thoughts and he
looked up, brushing quickly at the tears that began to trickle down
his face.
Hey, he responded dismally.
You got it? Ryan asked.
Danny nodded miserably as his brother sat quietly down
beside him. But why did he summon Kevin? he choked, becoming
fixated on the blue paper once more.
Ryan was silent for a moment as he regarded his little
brother, then he sighed. Its not Kevin, he said finally, looking at
the ground as he felt his cheeks grow hot, its me.
What? Danny looked at him, and Ryan shrugged as tears
filled his eyes too.
I guess Steve figures since he cant perform both roles at
once, youre the next best option. Ryan bit his lip, and Danny hung
his head, not really sure what to say. Im sure he wont really make
you do it, Ryans voice cracked.
Do you want me to? Danny asked softly, looking at his
178

brother once more.

Ryan swallowed as he finally met his little brothers eyes. I
guess. Id rather have you than anybody else, he choked, and
Danny hugged him. I dont think its going to be my call, though,
he continued, holding tightly to Danny. I think the blue slip Steve
sent you was more of a formality, for appearances sake. You know,
to keep from giving that rat, Mcarthy, any excuse to pry, just in
case . . . . Ryan didnt finish, but Danny understood what he was
getting at. Steve had taken every precaution he could to keep the
details of his brothers pending punishment from leaking, but
Mcarthy had been sniffing around, and these things had a way of
getting out. Steve had to at least look like he was trying to preserve
the process. On the low down, Ryan confided after a minute,
Steve told me hes going to try and have Matt there to make things
easier on all of us.
Danny tightened his arms. Are you ok with that? he asked
softly. Ryan hesitated. I guess so, he whispered again, at last.
Its not as if anything is going to make this a pleasant experience,
but Matt might be able to take some of the pressure off Steve at
least, and off you. The last of his words caught in his throat, his
brave front collapsed, and Danny held tighter, feeling sick as his
brother pressed his face against his shoulder. Sean was with me
when I checked my mail this morning, Ryan sobbed after a minute.
Im pretty sure he saw the slips.
Oh, Jesus! Danny clutched at him as he too began to sob.
Words were no longer possible or necessary, now. The two brothers
just held one another and cried.

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File Two
Rallying Support
"For a friend with an understanding heart is worth no less
than a brother."
- Homer (The Odyssey)
Sean had been looking for Jesse all morning. He had asked
everyone in the house it seemed, and no one had seen him. Where
the hell is he? Sean thought irritably. Finally, at around two
oclock, he saw Jesses roommate as he was crossing campus. Hey
Dave! Sean called. Have you seen Jess, today?
Yeah, Dave shouted back. I think hes at the bookstore,
getting his books for next semester.
What, are they having a sale or something? Sean quipped.
No, Dave grinned, but I think the newest edition of
Growl is out.
Oh, I see, Sean smirked.
Yeah, I think its the special Year in Perspective issue,
Dave simpered. Grrr! He assumed the customary stance of
ferocity all the team players assumed when referring to the college
sports periodical, and Sean couldnt help laughing. His little brother
was one of the few who took the magazine seriously.
Thanks for the information, Man! he returned.
Not a problem, Dave replied. Tell Jess that we will not be
coating our walls with the pictures this year.
Ok, Sean grinned, Ill tell him. He switched directions
and made his way towards the campus store, and as he walked the
anxiety he had previously been feeling settled over him once more.
Finally he stood in the doorway of the thronged shop, scanning it for
signs of his little brother. It had to be something special to bring
Jess in here, today, he thought grumpily as people pushed and
shoved to get by him. He started in the direction of the stairs,
greeting friends and acquaintances in a half-hearted manner as he
went. He took the steps two at a time and at last the crowd became
thinner as he neared the top. He probably has the sports section to
himself, Sean thought ironically.
Sure enough, he found Jesse comfortably ensconced in an
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armchair by the window, surrounded by all the latest magazines

detailing the heroics of the Saber Bend University Bulldogs. The
newest team sweatshirt was draped over his knees and his class book
list sat idly on top of the magazines at his feet. He was completely
absorbed in the article he was reading, and Sean grinned again
despite himself. Getting a jump on next semester, I see, he
cracked.
Jesse looked up and smiled sheepishly at his big brother.
My intentions were good, he returned. Look at this! He held up
the magazine hed been perusing. Is that a great picture or what?
Sean came forward and took the magazine from his brother, and as
he examined it closely and saw the picture Jesse was referring to, the
smile faded from his face. It was a picture of Jess and Danny
together right after Jesse had scored a much needed touch down.
Whats the matter? Jesse asked. You dont think its good?
Its a great picture, Kid, Sean replied, handing the
magazine back to him.
Jesse looked at him, dismayed. Whats wrong? he finally
asked again.
Sean sighed and sat down in the chair across from him,
looking steadily into his little brothers now worried eyes. Its
going down today, he said quietly, glancing around to make sure no
one they knew was in hearing range.
The blood drained from Jesses face. Oh, no! You mean he
summoned them?
Sean nodded. Five oclock, he said softly. I was with
Ryan when he checked his mail. He tried to hide the slips, but those
things are so damn bright. I think he knows I saw them.
Fuck! Jesse exclaimed. I guess I thought Steve would
wait until next semester now, and to be honest, when we didnt hear
of a council meeting, I really started to hope that he had changed his
mind.
I know, Sean replied softly. Me too. He sighed, I think
the council must have met. I cant imagine that Steve made this
decision on his own. Guess we werent invited, he added
somewhat bitterly.
Well, Steve already knows what we think, Jesse mirrored
his brothers sardonic tone. So, who else knows?
Sean shrugged. I havent seen Pat or Andy at all. I dont
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know about anyone else. I havent heard anyone talking, but it

wouldnt surprise me if Mcarthy knows.
Oh, Im sure he does, Jesse replied acidly. For a moment
they were both silent. A summons was a sober and serious thing.
The privacy of anyone who received one was protected by the ethics
of The Code. Rumors, however, spread like wildfire in the Rho Beta
Chi house, and Danny and Ryans status as Steves younger brothers
wouldnt help them. It wasnt everyday that the president
summoned his brothers. In fact, no one could remember the last
time it had happened, and ever since the fight three weeks ago, there
had been speculation as to whether Steve would even go through
with it. As serious as the transgression was, Steves affection for his
brothers was well known. Many people had doubted his conviction
in this matter, and some had even placed bets. At last, Jesse spoke
again. What about Kevin?
I dont know, Sean returned worriedly.
Well, I guess we better find him one way or another, Jesse
replied glumly. Him hanging on their coat tails is just about the last
thing Danny and Ryan need right now.
Thats for damn sure! Sean spat. I just cant believe
Steves going to do this less than a week before the semester ends!
Yeah, Jesse chewed his lip resentfully. I wonder if he told
them.
For a moment Sean was quiet. I think he probably told
Ryan, he admitted finally in a soft voice. Ry didnt seem too
surprised this morning, and Steve never really has played by the
rules where his little brother is concerned. Im sure this is killing
him, and if it werent for Mcarthy, hed undoubtedly let the whole
thing slide.
It does always seem to come down to that slime ball doesnt
it? Jesse agreed. Sean was quiet again, and after a moment Jesse
got to his feet. Come on, he said, we better find Kevin. He bent
to pick up his sweatshirt, booklist, and the issue of Growl, hed just
been looking at.
Arent you going to put the rest of this stuff away? Sean
asked, as he too got to his feet.
Jesse shrugged and looked around, unconcerned, at the mess
he was leaving. Thats what these people get paid for, he
responded with a gesture that included all the retail staff in the
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general vicinity of the sports section.

Jeeesss, Sean reprimanded.
What? Jesse looked at his big brother. Oh, all right! he
retorted as Sean raised his eyebrows. Here, hold these. He shoved
his sweatshirt, magazine, and booklist at Sean and bent to pick up
the remaining piles of magazines, carting them away one on top of
another. Seans lip twitched as he tried to hide his amusement. The
kid was incorrigible. A moment later Jesse came back and took his
stuff from Sean, and they headed down the stairs to the front of the
store. The line was huge and Jesse stared at it in dismay.
Come on, Jess, weve got to go, Sean prompted
impatiently.
Im just going to have them hold these, Jesse replied and
Sean looked at him in exasperation.
What?
Jesse, theres a million copies of that magazine and twice as
many sweatshirts. Theyre not going anywhere. You dont need the
store to hold them.
But these are mine, Jesse protested. Back in a jiffy!
Jess! Sean called after his brother, but Jesse was already
gone, and Sean shook his head in disbelief. He glanced around the
store while he was waiting to see who else he might recognize, but
there was no one. Thats strange, he thought. Ten minutes ago, it
had seemed like everyone he knew was here. He looked uneasily at
his watch, and then peered into the crowd at the front again in an
effort to catch a glimpse of his brother. As he did, his heart froze.
To the right of the register, in the corner, was a whole pack of his
fraternity brothers. They were all looking at him, some
sympathetically, and some with maniacal mirth. Gregg Mcarthy
stood at the center.
Two seconds later, Jesse was back and pulling at his arm.
Come on, weve got to go, he said, following his brothers horror
struck gaze. I dont know how that bastard found out, but hes
telling everybody he knows. Weve got to find Kevin. Absently,
Sean allowed his brother to pull him towards the door.
Hey, Mcnally, Kinkaid! Gregg called just as they were
leaving. Jesse and Sean glared back at him. You better hope you
find him before I do, Gregg leered.
Sean clenched his fist, and took a step toward Gregg, but
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Jesse pulled him back. Hes not worth it, he cautioned quietly,
scowling once more in Greggs direction. Come on, lets just go.
Jesse pulled on his brothers arm once again, and with one more
scathing glance at their rival, Sean followed.

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File Three
The Feud
"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend
with chocolate."
-Charles Dickens
Jesse and Sean turned the campus upside down, looking for
Danny and Ryans younger brother. They checked all his regular
haunts: the football field, the weight room, the sorority house where
the cheerleaders lived, the coffee shop. They even went back to the
bookstore, but by four oclock they had still had no luck, and,
discouraged, they decided they better get back to the house. They
could only hope that Kevin was there and that Greggs search had
been as fruitless as theirs. They were sure he would not have tried
so hard.
After checking Kevins room one more time, they headed
back downstairs to stake out the houses main entrance; if Kevin
showed up, they didnt want to miss him. They slumped into the
common room to find Andy and Pat sitting apprehensively at the
table, each with a pile of new books before them. They were, for the
moment, the only ones there. Sean and Jesse avoided their eyes as
they flopped into two comfy, overstuffed chairs near the door, but
Patrick and Andy both turned white as they looked at their friends
faces.
Its true? Andy finally ventured in a small voice. Sean
looked wearily at him and nodded.
Let me guess, Jesse remonstrated bitterly, Mcarthy told
you.
How did that fucking blabber mouth even find out? Pat
demanded angrily.
Andy sighed. Greggs been waiting for this day for nearly a
month now, he said. Im sure he has spies everywhere. I was sure
hoping he was wrong, though.
Sean shook his head. I was with Ryan when he checked his
mail this morning, he said softly. I saw both slips. Andy sank
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lower in his chair, and leaned on the table, propping his forehead
against his hand.
Damn it! Pat protested. Why now?
I dont know, Sean whispered.
Im sure Mcarthys been riding Steve about it, Andy
speculated darkly, but still! I mean if youre going to do it, do it,
but to wait to the last week of the semester? Thats bullshit! Hes
totally blindsiding them!
I dont think so, Sean replied quietly. Hes blindsiding us
for sure, but I think Danny and Ryan were not quite so surprised.
Im sure Steve and Ry have been talking about it. It makes sense,
kind of. I know they didnt want anymore problems from Coach.
Plus, theres a whole month between now and next semester for
everyone to forget about it.
I dont care what his reasons are! Andrew seethed. Its
still bullshit! Why isnt Mcarthy getting a summons?
You know Matt already handled that, Sean defended Steve
as he knew Ryan would want him to.
Well, its not the same, and I dont think its fair either!
Patrick sulked, and an awkward silence fell.
Weve been looking for Kevin, Sean finally continued,
changing the subject. You guys havent seen him have you?
Fuck! Patrick exclaimed. He doesnt know, does he?
Jesse and Sean shook their heads.
Not unless Mcarthy found him, Jesse added sullenly.
Ryan and Danny never told him what happened? Andy
asked.
Sean shook his head, despondently. I dont think they
wanted him to know. We were all hoping Steve would just forget
about it.
How stupid were we? Jesse piped up once more with his
cheery perspective. Mcarthys probably been badgering Steve
about it everyday between then and now.
Speaking of the devil, Patrick scowled. His friends turned
their heads, and followed his gaze to see Gregg Mcarthys gloating
face as he stood in the doorway of the common room.
Keep him away from me! Jesse muttered, turning around
once again, and glaring balefully at the floor.
Well, well, isnt this a quaint little gathering, Gregg baited
186

as he came further into the room with his little band of no goods
behind him. What? No Kevbo? He came up and placed a hand
on Jesses shoulder, and Jesse jerked it away, looking at Sean as
Sean glowered at their adversary. Surely, you invited him, Gregg
sat down in a chair next to Jesse and kicked back, smugly, placing
his feet on the coffee table in front of them. I know you would
want him to be aware of all this before it went down. It would, after
all, be a rather nasty surprise, dont you think? Gregg taunted and
his friends laughed as they spread out around the common room.
Some of them sat at the table across from Andy and Pat, smirking at
them as Gregg continued. Youd want to be there to support him,
soothe him, tell him how its not his fault, and basically blow
sunshine up his ass. Gregg traded amused glances with his allies as
Danny and Ryans friends shifted uncomfortably. Youd want to
keep him away from Ryan and Danny, Gregg went on, so they
could go to some little corner somewhere and cry like the little
bitches they are, in peace, without their little brother nagging at
them. Seans face flushed, and Andys brow darkened. Jesse and
Pat gritted their teeth, and Gregg once again paused to enjoy the
moment. Most of all, he continued at last, youd want to keep
me from finding him because you know Id tell that whiney little
shit exactly how it is: how his brothers deserve every painful smack
they get today, and how its all his fault for being such a spoiled
little brat! Jesse sat forward in his chair, gripping the arms.
Take it easy, Jess, Sean warned.
For all these reasons, Gregg focused entirely on Jesse now,
I know you told him. Unless, he let his feet drop, and sat forward
again, getting right in Jesses face. Jesse dug his nails into the
cushions and tried to avert his eyes, looking for Sean once more.
Sean and Andy were both sitting straight up now and frowning at
Gregg in a menacing manner. Unless, Gregg continued, you
couldnt find him. He smirked again. That means hes still fair
game!
Greggs friends tried to sign a warning, but they were not
fast enough. Nobody had heard Matt come in, and Gregg never
knew what hit him as Steves big brother yanked him out of his chair
by his collar and threw him against the wall, pinning him there.
You are a real horses ass! You know that? he snapped. You
apparently dont remember the talk we had three weeks ago, so let
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me refresh your memory! There will be no more warnings, Gregg.

You think youre such hot shit, always picking on little guys, but
you just keep in mind that the rules are not the same for me as they
are for them! If I were Steve, I would have worn your ass out a long
time ago, but hes got too big a heart and an unshakeable propensity
for fairness. Ive got neither, asshole, and Im telling you now, if
you mess with Danny, Ryan, Kevin, or any one of their friends just
one more time in the littlest, tiniest way, you are going to be hearing
from me! Do you understand? Gregg swallowed hard and nodded.
Good! Matt let him go, and Gregg brought his hand up to rub the
red mark on his neck. That goes for all you jokers! Steves
brother glared at each of Greggs friends in turn. Consider
yourselves forewarned and leave these guys alone today, unless you
want the tables to turn! With that, Matt stalked out of the room and
continued up the stairs to Steves room.
Now, it was Danny and Ryans friends who couldnt help
smiling just a little lopsidedly as Gregg and his cronies retired to the
far corner of the room, where they could bitch about Matt without
being detected. I wish Danny and Ryan had been here to see that,
Patrick asserted wistfully.
I wish I had a damn video camera! Jesse remarked
sardonically. Sean looked at Andy, but looked quickly away again
as they both tried to keep a straight face. Jesse, Danny, Kevin, and
Kevins best friend, James, were all arguably in the running for the
worlds original drama king, but in his big brothers opinion, given
the chance, Jesse would lock it up nicely.
Nobody paid much attention as Matt entered Steves room.
Not long after that, however, they heard his door open again, and
Steves friends, Kurt and Mike, peered irately down from the railing
above. You need a babysitter, Mcarthy? Kurt called. Gregg
flushed and muttered something under his breath as Mike closed
Steves door, and the two seniors headed for the stairs. A moment
later they appeared in the common room.
Are you all right? Kurt came up beside Jesse, and put a
hand on his shoulder.
Yeah, Im ok, I guess, Jesse replied gloomily, and Kurt
dropped into the chair beside him that Gregg had so unwillingly
vacated. Without a word, Mike sat too as he glared in Greggs
direction.
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189

File Four
Anticipation
"There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of
it."
-Alfred Hitchcock
The public has more interest in the punishment of an
injury than he who receives it.
-Cato the Censor
It was four forty-five now, and still there had been no sign of
any of Steves brothers, but the common room was starting to fill up.
What the hell is going on? Patrick whispered in dismay as he and
Andy brought their chairs closer to their four friends. Why arent
they all at dinner?
Human nature, Jesse growled. Where else would they be
after Mcarthy told them all?
So much for Steves brilliant plan, Kurt remarked quietly,
exchanging glances with Mike.
What plan? Pat questioned sourly.
Well, I mean, you dont think Steve wants to do this, do
you? Mike too was becoming agitated as the room continued to fill.
He wanted to make things as easy as possible on Danny and Ryan,
so he chose five oclock because he assumed everyone would be at
dinner. People were looking and whispering now, intrigued
especially by Kurt and Mikes presence among Danny and Ryans
friends. Nothing could have confirmed the rumors Gregg had been
spreading, faster. Seniors, particularly friends of the president, did
not mix so openly with underclassmen unless there was an occasion
of some sort. To see Kurt and Mike with their little brothers, Sean
and Andrew, wasnt so unusual, but for Jesse and Pat to be with
them too? That was practically unheard of. Hes going to have a
fucking hissy fit when he finds out about this, Mike added with a
nervous glance at all the activity.
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People opened new books, fresh from the campus store, as

he looked their way, lowering their heads, and pretending to be hard
at work. Thats the understatement of the year! Kurt agreed. Is
this really because of Mcarthy? Jesse and Sean nodded glumly and
recounted their run-in with Gregg.
That sorry son of a bitch! Mike fumed, meeting Kurts
eyes again. Kurt threw another smoldering glance in Greggs
direction, but Gregg was looking quite pleased with himself again
now, and he did not acknowledge Kurts silent threat, if he even saw
it. Instead his grin widened and he looked up over all their
shoulders.
Hey, Kevbo! he greeted, and with a collective feeling of
dread, all six of Ryan and Dannys friends turned their heads in the
direction of the door. Kevin swallowed as all eyes turned toward
him and the din of the common room began to die. He had been
standing there, unnoticed, scanning the room for his brothers for at
least a couple of minutes. He had not approached their friends
because he did not like the feeling he got as he surveyed the room.
Now his anxiety increased still more. The last time people had
behaved like this around him, he had gotten his ass beat, but good.
Has anyone seen Danny and Ryan? he questioned
tentatively, focusing particularly on the little group sitting closest to
him.
Gregg snorted, and Kurt narrowed his eyes at him. Not one
word! he hissed. Not one single word! Gregg raised his hands in
a gesture of protest and assumed his best look of injured innocence.
He then sat back, crossed his arms on his chest, and once again
traded looks of amusement with his closest friends.
Whats going on? Kevin asked. After all, he wasnt stupid.
Jesse put his head in his hands as Pat and Andy traded nervous
glances. Sean gnawed at his lip, and looked at his five allies, but
none of them looked back, and finally he looked again at Kevin.
Nothing, he answered him softly. Nothings going on,
Kev. What did you need from Danny and Ryan?
I was just hoping Danny could help me with my history
project, Kevin replied timidly, his stomach turning. Something was
definitely not right. Sean cursed under his breath and looked at
Jesse. Jesse met his eyes and shook his head as he in turn bit hard
on his lip. Fucking unbelievable! he muttered. It was the one
191

place they had not looked, and where Kevin had most assuredly
been, the library. They were just not used yet to the golden boy
reputation Kevin was fast acquiring. It had, after all, been less than
a month since he was the party king.
Why dont you bring it here, Sean encouraged, at last. I
bet Jess and I could help you.
But Dannys the History major, Kevin protested and Gregg
Mcarthy snickered again.
Yeah, Sean, Dannys the History major!
Shut it! Sean turned on him, unable to contain himself any
longer.
You know what, never mind, Kevin backed away.
See you later, Kevie! Gregg called brightly. Hey, why
dont you ask Steve where your brothers are?
You asshole! Mike fumed, and Kevin gave them both a
funny look.
Yeah, Ill do that, he replied, turning towards the stairs.
No! all of his brothers friends exclaimed together. Kevin
returned once more to the door of the common room, all his anxiety
written clearly on his face now, as Kurt and Mike stood up to
confront Gregg.
You, Kurt pointed his finger at him, are going to get your
ass beat!
What the hell is going on? Kevin shouted in distress.
Whats the matter, Kevbo? The tired sounding voice in
the hallway made everybody freeze.
I dont know! Kevin answered his brother in exasperation.
They wont tell me!
Mike sank back into his chair and brought his hand to his
eyes. Fuck, he muttered under his breath.
Oh, yeah! Gregg sneered. Its show time!
Your day is coming, asshole! Kurt clenched his fist tightly,
but as Danny and Ryan appeared behind their brother, he too sat
down again, propping his head on his hand, and closing his eyes.
Sean looked quickly at the floor, and Jesse bit his lip,
reddening, as their two best friends looked their way. Andrew
colored too, and Patrick dodged Dannys eyes.
Mary, mother of God, Ryan breathed as they surveyed the
scene in the common room. Danny turned ashen and Ryans hand
192

went to his shoulder.

Where have you two been? Kevin asked, turning to look at
them. Ive been searching for you everywhere! He paused as he
caught sight of their wan complexions. God, are you guys all
right? he asked.
Yeah, Bro, were ok, Ryan assured him quietly. We just
had some things we needed to take care of.
Yeah, Right. Things, Gregg mimicked. His friends
laughed with him, while Danny and Ryans friends clenched their
teeth and glowered in their direction.
Ryan and Danny ignored them all. What did you need,
Kev? Danny inquired softly. Is it something that will wait?
I guess, Kevin replied uncertainly, his former anxiety
creeping back into his voice as he regarded his brothers. I just
wanted some help with my History project for next semester. I
thought maybe we could talk about it at dinner. Jesse and Sean
came quietly up beside them, now, and Danny and Ryan looked
away.
Well help you, Kevbo. Sean carefully focused his
attention on Dannys younger brother as he repeated his previous
offer. Why dont you go get it, so we can see what were working
with?
I have it, Kevin protested, pulling the crinkled syllabus
from his pocket, but I wanted Danny to help me.
I cant, Bro, Danny replied gently, and Ryan tightened his
grip on his brothers shoulder, not right now.
Why not? Kevins disappointment was evident and it cut
his brother sharply.
I just cant, Kev, he looked away again, struggling to
maintain his composure. Kevin hung his head, and the expression
on his face, when Danny looked back at him, was more than his big
brother could bear. Here, let me see it, Kid, he said softly, holding
out his hand. His voice was tight with emotion.
Danny, come on, man, Ryan urged him uneasily.
I just want to look at it! Danny snapped, and Ryan
squeezed his shoulder again. He knew how hard it was for his
brother to deny Kevin this kind of request.
Wont you guys tell me whats going on? Kevin pleaded,
the paper forgotten as tears filled his eyes.
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Its nothing, Kev, its nothing, Danny tried to reassure, let

me see, he indicated the paper again, and doubtfully, Kevin handed
it to him. Danny opened it up, and tried to smooth out the wrinkles,
glancing over it as he did. Finally he looked up at Jesse. The two
friends shared a long look and tears welled in Dannys eyes too,
now, as he looked back at Kevin. Jess should be able to help you
with this, he said softly. We did the same thing last year.
But I want you! Kevins anxiety increased as he saw his
brothers tears. Why cant you help me?
I cant do it, right now, Kevbo, Danny said again, still
trying his best to remain calm. Let Jess get you started and Ill help
you later, ok?
But why? Kevins agitation was mounting by the minute
and Danny pressed his fingers to his eyes. Ryan hung his arm lower
over his little brothers chest and pulled him against him.
Weve got to go now, Bro, he whispered in his ear. We are
going to be in big trouble if we keep them waiting any longer.
Danny swallowed, and nodded, looking at Kevin one more time
through blurred eyes as Ryan maneuvered him towards the stairs.
Wait! Kevin followed them, putting his hand on Ryans
arm. Where are you guys going?
Ryans face flushed, and he bit his lip. We have to go talk
to Steve, Kevin, he replied tensely. Danny stood before his brother
on the very first step, still in his protective embrace, and now he
covered his face with his hand.
Kevin, in his own anxiety, missed the tone in his brothers
voice. Ok, Ill come with you, he started.
No, Kev. You cant, Bud.
Ryan, please . . . .
I said no!
Tears stung Kevins eyes again as Sean came up behind him,
and put a hand on his shoulder. Why not? Kevin pressed.
You just cant, Kevbo. Not this time. Im sorry, Ryan
spoke gently now. He tried to urge Danny forward, but Kevin clung
to his arm.
Why cant I come, Ryan? he demanded desperately.
Why? Ryan took hold of Kevins arm, and looked at him
earnestly.
Because, Bro, its not a social call, he said quietly, his face
194

turning beet red.

What? Kevin looked at him in amazement. What do you
mean? Both his brothers were a deep crimson now and Kevins
stomach knotted as he looked at them.
Look, Kev, Ryan soothed, affected by his little brothers
anguished expression, everythings going to be all right, ok? But
you have to let us go. Let us go, he commanded softly. Too shocked
to argue, Kevin took his hand from Ryans arm. Ryan urged Danny
forward once more, and in a daze Danny obeyed, swallowing hard to
keep his tears back just a little longer.
Ryan, Kevin tried to follow again as they neared the top of
the stairs, but Sean held him back. Ryan . . ., Kevin called, but
neither of his brothers looked at him. He could see that Danny was
just barely holding it together. What did you mean? The question
came out so softly that even Kevin wasnt sure if his brothers had
heard him, but they did, and it was with an aching heart that Ryan
ignored his pleas, and continued down the hallway, pushing Danny
in front of him.
Finally, they stood outside their big brothers door, and Ryan
paused, swallowing hard as his emotions started to get the better of
him. This room had never been anything, but a warm and inviting
place to go since Steve had assumed the presidency at the beginning
of the year. Now, his stomach was in turmoil. He knew, as he
looked at him, that his younger brother was having similar thoughts,
and he kept his hand on Dannys shoulder as he finally got up the
courage to knock. After a minute, Steve opened the door, and Ryan
hung his head as his brother looked reproachfully at him. He had
seen that look in Steves eyes many times, but rarely had it been
directed at him.
The fraternity president regarded his little brothers silently
for a moment, and then grimly stood aside to let them in, closing the
door with an ominous click behind them.

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File Five
The Break Down
"When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our
lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those
who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have
chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with
a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with
us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with
us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate
not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the
reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
-Henry J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak)
It was with considerable consternation that Kevin watched
his big brothers disappear, and now he looked pleadingly up into
Seans face. What did Ryan mean, Sean? When he said its not a
social call? Sean tightened his grip on Kevins shoulder and met
his eyes.
Theyre in trouble, Kev, he said softly.
What? Trouble for what? What do you mean, trouble?
Kevin inquired anxiously. Sean sought his little brothers eyes, and
Jesses throat tightened as Kevin too looked his way. For a long
moment, nobody said anything as Sean and Jesse struggled with
their emotions. Then, finally, Jesse looked at Kevin.
Theyre going to get licks, Kid, he whispered, and tears
filled his eyes as the blood drained from Kevins face.
What?! Kevin looked back at Sean and Sean nodded, tears
welling in his eyes too. No! Kevin regarded his brothers best
friends in disbelief. No! I dont believe you!
Kev, Sean tried to quiet him.
No! Kevin jerked his arm away and glowered at them.
Steve wouldnt do that! Not to them! What could they possibly
have done . . .? Kevins voice caught in his throat as he looked at
Sean and Jesses tortured expressions. But why? he sobbed.
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Why? What did they do?

Its ok, Kev, Sean put his arm around him again, and Kevin
hid his face and clung to Ryans best friend.
What did they do? Kevin repeated.
They got in a fight with Mcarthy, Jesse grumbled as he
stood looking on awkwardly.
What?! When did that happen?
About three weeks ago. Sean pulled him closer and
dropped his chin to the top of his head.
That long ago? Why didnt they tell me?
They knew they were going to be in trouble, Kevbo, Sean
replied gently. They didnt want you to worry.
Well, where the hell was I? How did I not hear about this?
It was around the time of the meeting, Kev, Jesse returned
softly. You were a little distracted, and afterwards Ryan and Danny
made sure everyone knew they better zip it around you.
Around the time of The Meeting? Gregg scoffed from the
other room. Around that time? If I recall correctly, it was the same
damn day!
Stay out of it, you piece of shit! Mike warned.
Just making sure the kid has all the facts, Gregg countered
smugly as Steves friends glowered at him.
Kevin looked disconcertedly up to meet first Sean and then
Jesses eyes. It was the same day? he croaked. What were they
fighting about? There was silence and Sean squeezed Kevins
shoulder harder as he met Jesses eyes once more.
No, Kevin looked at each of his brothers friends in turn,
reading their expressions. NO! Oh my God! he wailed. It was
my fault? They were fighting about me?
No, Kev, it wasnt your fault! Jesse assured.
Theres nothing you could have done to stop it, Sean
agreed.
I cant believe this is happening! Kevin sobbed, turning
for the stairs.
Sean pulled him back. Where are you going, Kevin? he
asked, gently.
To stop this! Kevin cried. This is crazy! Let me go! he
pleaded as Sean once again hauled him off the stairs.
You cant stop it, Kev! Ryans best friend uttered brokenly.
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Jess and I already tried, right after it happened. We begged Steve to

go easy, but I guess he felt, given the circumstances, he couldnt let
it go.
Well I cant just sit here! Kevin pushed at him, struggling
to free himself from Seans strong grip. Let me go, Sean, please!
Sean took a firmer hold of his arm and drew him to the side,
away from the door, in an effort to escape the prying eyes of the
common room. Look at me, Kev, he directed. Dannys little
brother was still looking at the stairs and straining against him.
Look at me please, he repeated, taking him by the shoulders now,
and finally Kevin did, turning sulky, resentful eyes on him. If you
go up there, it will only make things worse! Seans voice caught
again as he continued. You will embarrass your brothers, and in the
end, you will only prolong the inevitable.
But there must be something we can do! Kevin protested
desperately, looking at Jesse as Dannys best friend came up beside
them.
Jesse shook his head. Let them get it over with, Kevbo,
he choked.
No! Kevin stared incredulously at them. How can you
just stand there and let this happen? He twisted to get away, and
Sean tightened his grasp. Let me go! he raged. Let me go! He
shoved at Sean again, throwing him off balance, and Sean fell back
against the wall. His grip loosened slightly and with one desperate
twist, Kevin ripped himself free, and headed for the stairs. Sean,
however, was not that easily defeated and as he regained his balance
he reached out and grabbed Kevin from behind, wrapping his arms
around him and pulling him against him. No! Kevin howled. Let
me go, Sean! Let me go!
Kevin fought with everything he had, and for a time Sean
successfully contained him as Kevin kicked, squirmed, and strained
against him. Finally, though, Ryans friend started to tire. Kevin
successfully negotiated the first step of the stairs, and as Sean lifted
him off, he kicked back, accidentally catching his brothers best
friend in the groin. Sean dropped him quickly and bent low,
clutching himself as the shot of agonizing pain sucked all the air
from his lungs.
Fuck! Oww! he finally uttered through clenched teeth.
Jesus Christ, that hurt!
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Are you all right? Jesses concern for his brother made him
forget Kevin who was already sprinting up the staircase.
Yes . . .God! . . .Yes, Sean barely managed, squatting lower
in pain. Go! Jesse looked at him in confusion. Kevin! Sean
reminded, but in that instant Andy tore past them and up the
stairway. Pat was close on his heels, and Jesse chose to leave
Dannys younger brother to their friends as he dropped to his knees
beside Sean and put a hand on his arm.
Steve! they could already hear Kevin calling, Steve!, and
as Sean finally got his breath back he began to sob.
You all right, Man? Kurt asked softly, coming to the door
of the common room.
No! Sean seethed, falling back against the wall, and
covering his face with his hands. This is exactly the kind of scene
Ryan and Danny dont need!
Steve, dont! Kevin was pounding on Steves door now,
and his screams of frustration filled the air as Andy lifted him off his
feet and away from the entrance to his oldest brothers room. Sean
drew up his knees, hugging them to his chest, and hiding his face.
Jesse had been bolstered, up until now, mainly by the strength of his
big brother, and as Sean collapsed so did he. Sagging against the
wall, he too brought his knees to his chest and hid his face. For a
moment Kurt remained quiet as he gazed fondly down at his little
brothers. Finally, as the sounds of Kevins fury continued to fill the
air, he moved into the hallway, and sat down on the other side of
Sean. Sean had been holding back a long time, and now, as he felt
his brothers arm come around him, he turned his face into Kurts
shoulder and really let go. Both of Kurts brothers had endured all
they could possibly endure. Now, as they finally broke down, their
poignant sobs combined with Kevins shrieks of rage to send a chill
through the otherwise silent house.
Come on now, you two, Kurt prodded gently. He took his
hand briefly from Seans shoulder to squeeze Jesses shoulder
bracingly. Jess, come on, he comforted. I know this is hard, but
after all, Danny and Ryan are not the first to ever receive a
summons. They are Steves brothers, and that makes it a tad
awkward, for everyone, but they made what was actually a fairly
serious mistake, and they deserve to be punished, just the same as
anybody else.
199

What the fuck is the meeting all about, then? Sean

demanded hostilely. If they are going to be subjected to the
summons anyway, why should they have to endure that? Its not
fair!
The meetings not really about them, Kurt replied calmly.
Not about them? Jesse challenged in a tone of incredulity,
looking up at his oldest brother with red-rimmed, accusing eyes.
Just who the fuck is it about then?
All of us, Kurt replied simply. The meeting is about
setting standards for the fraternity as a whole. The president and his
brothers are expected to lead the way, and to set that example. Its a
tough night, I know, but it doesnt give Danny and Ryan a pass to do
whatever they want afterwards. If anything, they should be even
more cognizant of their behavior. Small things can be overlooked
from time to time, but when they pick a fight with a senior it has to
be dealt with.
THEY didnt pick it! Jesse returned aggressively.
Im not going to get into this with you right now, Jess,
Kurt maintained his level tone. The fact is, they initiated the fight
by throwing the first and only punches. They have to be punished
for that. Steve had absolutely no room to consider other
alternatives.
Well it didnt have to be like this! Sean railed.
Like what? Kurt asked gently.
Like this! Sean repeated in frustration. A whole big
spectacle, right at the end of the semester! This sucks! Why did he
wait so long, Kurt? Jess and I thought maybe he had changed his
mind.
Kurt sighed as he began to understand more fully what his
brothers were feeling. He and Mike had been in the loop all along,
and had known this was coming. Ryan and Danny had known too,
but Sean, Jesse, Andy, and Pat had been in the dark. Danny and
Ryan had begged Steve not to tell anyone, even Kevin. Not that
anyone was privy to that information anyway, but this situation was
problematic. Typically, when a summons was issued, it concerned
only two of four brothers. There was always one big brother left to
handle things. In this case, though, all of Kevins brothers were
occupied. It had been gently suggested to Ryan and Danny that they
let Sean and Jesse know what was happening, but they had stoutly
200

refused. They thought, and eventually they had convinced Steve,

that if they planned carefully enough, there would be no reason
anybody had to know. Kurt saw how foolish that was now.
We should have handled it differently, he squeezed his
brothers shoulder. Im sorry. Steve certainly didnt intend for it to
come down like this. Danny and Ryan, understandably, didnt want
anyone to know, and you know how Steve is about them. He has a
very hard time putting his foot down, but he should have in this
case. It wasnt fair to you guys or to Kevin. Dont feel like it was
unexpected on Danny and Ryans part, though, he soothed. Steve
made it very clear to them what to expect and when to expect it. He
waited, I think, primarily because he didnt want to catch anymore
flack from Coach, but also to give Danny some time to repair his
relationship with Kevin.
Well that was a fucking great idea! Jesse interjected. The
kids going to have a nervous break down, no doubt. I hope Steve
will be satisfied then! Kevins tempestuous wails were still
echoing throughout the house, and Jesses comment brought a slight
smirk to Kurts face despite himself.
Yeah, he agreed, biting on his lip, that once again might
not have been the best way to handle things. I think Steve was
thinking more of Danny in that case, than of Kevin.
Im sure hes thinking of Kevin now! Jesse remarked
sarcastically.
Im sure he is, Kurt agreed. How did you guys find out?
he asked quietly after a minute. From Mcarthy?
Sean shook his head. Thats how Pat and Andy found out.
I was with Ryan when he checked his mail this morning.
Kurt frowned. So you guys have been carrying this around
with you all day?
Sean nodded against his shoulder. We spent all damn day
looking for Kevin just so we could prevent . . . well, . . .this! We
looked fucking everywhere! Who would have thought the little
fucker would be in the library three days before the end of the
semester! We just wanted them to be able to get this over with,
without the whole world knowing, and now thanks to Mcarthy and
Kevin this is as bad as things could possibly be, and worse than Jess
and I even imagined!
Kurt was quiet for a minute. We should have told you,
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Sean, he said finally. Theres no doubt about it! We fucked up!

Ultimately, this is our fault for not planning better. Even if we had
just prepared you and Jess, without Danny and Ryan having to know
about it, that obviously, now, would have been the smart thing to do.
Then the two of you could have handled Kevin, but whats done is
done. Unfortunately, we cant reverse the damage Mcarthy has
done, but hell get his! Trust me! He really stepped in
it this time. As for Kevin, given the circumstances, hes not hurting
anything.
Are you kidding me? Jesse lowered through his tears.
With all that racket? Hes making them the center of attention!
Now, come on, Jess, Kurt responded indulgently, what do
you think they were all doing in there, before, he indicated the
common room, studying? Jesse remained silent as he hid his face
again, and hugged his knees harder. Hell calm down, Kurt went
on in the same patient tone. Hell get tired soon, and when the
tantrum has finally run its course, hell realize that somehow the
world has not come to an end, and hell go cry the rest of it off in his
room. The day will pass. Danny and Ryan will be fine, a little sore
undoubtedly, but fine. In another couple of days, the semester will
be over, and when we come back everyone will have more important
things to focus on. This will blow over eventually as these things
always do, he tried to assure his distraught little brothers, but he
began to wonder. A tantrum was just exactly what Kevin Kramer
was having, and as the sounds of his misery continued without
abating, Kurt uneasily started to think that he could possibly be
wrong.

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File Six
The Reprimand
"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the
ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do,
whether you like it or not."
-Thomas Henry Huxley
Steve tried to ignore the pang in his heart as his brothers
faced him, doing their best to look him in the eye. They looked
scared to death. He had wished many times over the past several
weeks that he could go back and erase the events preceding the night
of his youngest brothers punishment. He wished it more than ever
now. If there had been any way for him to prevent this moment
from coming, he would have, at almost any cost, but come it had.
Now, there was nothing to do, but get it over with.
With a deep inward breath, he mustered all the severity he
could, and regarded Danny and Ryan sternly. Youre late, he
scolded, raising his hand to brandish the small wooden paddle that
Matt had, on more than one occasion, used to discipline all three of
his brothers. Danny and Ryan recognized it immediately, and both
turned pasty white as Matt too frowned at them in an intimidating
manner.
Its my fault, Danny sobbed, unable to hold himself
together any longer.
Im not particularly interested in whose fault it is, Steve
returned, taking hold of his arm.
No! Ryan protested as Steve escorted their younger brother
towards the door that had caused Sean and Jesse so much
apprehension three weeks earlier. We would have been here,
Steve! We were here, in fact. Its just that Kevin . . . .
I dont want to hear it! Steve snapped. Opening the door,
and propelling his distraught younger brother inside, he then turned
to address Ryan. I dont care who is at fault, or what the excuse
is! he ranted as his two little brothers locked eyes in silent
commiseration. When you are summoned for a punishment, you
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report on time, and thats final! You two of all people should know
that! Time after time, this semester, the two of you and Kevin have
put me in bad situations. Kevin, of course, didnt know any better
until a few weeks ago. The same cannot be said for the two of you!
How are we putting you in a bad situation? Ryan protested.
Nobodys even supposed to know about this!
So, its ok to break the rules as long as no one knows?
Steve retorted. Ryan didnt respond, and Steve turned to the younger
of his two brothers. Take your pants down, Dan! he commanded.
And get over the table! Then he turned back to Ryan. Youll be
next! he admonished, and with that he followed Danny inside and
pulled the door shut hard behind him.
Ryan stood stunned, looking after his brothers for a long
minute before he finally sank to Steves bed and clutched the
pillows, hiding his face and attempting to smother long repressed
sobs as the first sounds of Dannys punishment carried through the
door.
Matt remained silent. Taking a seat in the somewhat ratty
armchair on the far side of the bed, he folded his hands and pursed
his lips. His feelings in this moment were conflicted. He felt bad
for his little brothers; no one with a heart could resist them in this
state. He knew they were well meaning and had not intended to
cause trouble for Steve, but that is what they had done, all the same,
and this was not the first time. They had to learn that their actions
had consequences. What did you think he was going to say, Ry?
he probed gently, at last.
Ryan, however, chose not to answer the question. You told
him to do it, didnt you? came the garbled accusation from the bed.
When you were late, we discussed the appropriate way to
handle it, yes, Matt conceded, but the ultimate decision was
Steves. You guys have to start respecting his authority, and
following the rules!
Ryan was silent, just gripping the pillows tighter as the
sounds of wood smacking skin, followed by Dannys cries,
continued to creep under the doorway. Another minute or two of
cool silence passed before the door finally opened. Then, with little
ceremony, and without saying anything, Steve exchanged one
brother for the other. Neither one protested. Ryan was still too
disconcerted, and Danny was now too embarrassed and sore. He
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and Ryan avoided one anothers eyes as Steve hauled Ryan out of
the bed, and Danny crawled into his place. Matt said nothing more;
he didnt feel there was anything more to be said.
Danny clutched the bedspread and hid his face as guilty sobs
shook his shoulders. It had been his fault they were late, and he felt
entirely responsible for the trouble between his two big brothers. As
sore as he now was, his own punishment was all but forgotten as the
sounds of Ryans pushed every other concern from his mind. It
seemed an eternity to him before Ryan and Steve emerged, and the
disgruntled protests coming from inside the room countered by
Steves biting rebukes did nothing to ease his mind. When he
finally heard the door open, he peeked up from the pillows, seeking
some sort of reprieve.
Steves hand was on Ryans shoulder as they came out, but
Ryans petulant scowl told the world he felt an injustice had been
done. He turned his head as he sensed Dannys eyes on him, and his
glower deepened. He bit his lip hard, and then, jerking away from
Steve, he made for the only vacant space in the room where he could
possibly hide his face, the overstuffed armchair in the corner of the
room that was the partner to the one Matt still occupied. Gratefully,
Ryan sank into the pillowy softness, buried his face, and let all his
frustration go. Unlike Danny, who was wearing jeans, Ryan was
wearing the flimsy mesh running shorts he habitually wore to work
out in, and the backs of his legs vividly displayed the severity of the
reprimand hed just endured. The sight, overall, affected his big
brother deeply.
Matt had, so far, observed his little brothers actions with
silent approval, but he could see now that Steve was becoming
emotional. He got up from his chair, and made his way across the
room, moving in beside his little brother, and placing a hand on his
shoulder. You all right? he asked in a tone his sobbing brothers
were unlikely to hear. Steve nodded, but his throat tightened and he
was afraid to try and speak. Youre doing great, Matt whispered.
I know that was hard, but it needed to be done. Steve swallowed
as tears started to streak his cheeks. Come on, Man, Matt
squeezed his shoulder, you cant let them see you like this.
Steve knew his brother was right, and he tried hard to force
down the lump in his throat, but his stomach was churning now, and
the sounds from downstairs werent helping. For some time now,
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Steve had been dimly aware of them as they drifted up the stairs and
snuck under his doorway, but they were not very loud, nor were they
distinct, and he had been focused on his brothers. Now, however, as
the room became quieter, the noises were becoming louder, and he
couldnt help wondering what was going on. Matt too, got a
bewildered look on his face. What the hell is that? he questioned
rhetorically. He hadnt heard it before, but there was definitely a
commotion of some sort going on, and it was becoming harder and
harder to miss. Even Danny and Ryan began to grow calmer,
distracted from their own misery by the raucous disturbance outside.
No! Let me go, Sean! Let me go! The blood drained from
Steves face as for the first time distinct tones reached the ears of the
four brothers.
Oh, Jesus! Danny sobbed, and Ryan began to cry harder
again too. Matt was the only one who did not recognize the sounds
for what they were and he looked at Steve inquiringly.
Its Kevin! Steve exclaimed in a tone of incredulous
frustration, but by that time no explanation was necessary as Matt
too identified the voice.
Steve! they heard their youngest brother calling. Steve!
A moment later he was pounding on the door. Steve, dont! Steve
put a hand to his eyes, and Matt tightened his grip on his shoulder.
Not long after, they heard Andys low tones and Kevins infuriated
screams filled the air. There was no more pounding after that, but
Kevins furious caterwauling intensified, and they heard Pats voice
now too as Danny and Ryans friends tried to soothe the youngest of
the presidents brothers.
God damn it! Who told him? Steves temper flared as the
onslaught of emotion became too much for him, and his brotherly
instincts kicked in. Danny and Ryan were both unable to speak for a
moment, and Steve had not really expected them to answer. He
didnt think they would know.
Finally, however, Ryan responded. I th . . .ink Jess . . . and .
. . and Sean probably did, he managed brokenly. His words were so
mangled that both Matt and Steve had a hard time understanding.
They got the gist though.
What?! Steve demanded. Why? Why would they do
that?
I didnt leave them much choice, Ryan sobbed.
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Ryan, Steve started gently, slow down, and back up.

Youre not making any sense. What are you talking about?
Its what I was trying to tell you before! Ryan choked into
the chair. Dannys agitation had reached fever pitch as he clutched
the pillow to his face, and without a word, Matt went and sat on the
bed next to him, placing a hand on his younger brothers back and
whispering softly to him.
Come on, Dan, its all right, well get through this. It was
hard to even hear what Ryan was saying now, but Matt looked up in
an effort to get what his other little brother was trying to convey.
When we came in, the first person we saw was Kevin. He
was just standing there in the hallway and he was clearly upset. I
was afraid someone might already have told him, but then he
certainly wasnt acting like he knew! Danny and I looked to see
what he was looking at and . . . everybody knows, Steve! Everybody
knows! Ryan too was becoming hysterical again, and Steve went to
him, squatting down beside him, and placing his hand on his back.
Come on now, Bro, he started patiently. I know it was
upsetting to come in and find Mcarthy here, and Im sorry that your
friends found out, but that is hardly everyone . . . .
No, Steve! Everyone knows! The whole fucking house is
down there! Its standing room only, and believe me, they all know!
What?! Steve paled and looked at Matt. Theyre all
supposed to be at dinner!
Yeah, well, theyre not! Ryan returned bitterly. He turned
his head to look miserably at his brother. Thats why we were late!
The only one who didnt know when we came in was very clearly
Kevin, and we could barely get up the fucking stairs! He was
looking for Danny. Wanted help with his History project. We kept
trying to get away, but he wouldnt let us go. Then, when I told him
we had to come see you, he wanted to come with us, and the only
way I could get him to back off was by telling him it wasnt a social
call. He didnt get it though, and Im sure he asked Jesse and Sean
about it. Theyve just been trying to help. We should have told
them to begin with, I guess, like you said, and then this wouldnt
have happened like this, he sobbed.
Steve and Matt were silent as they looked at one another in
dismay. How could their beautifully orchestrated plan have gotten
so far off course? Absently, Steve continued to rub Ryans back.
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How the hell did this information get out? he pondered to himself.
He didnt understand. The only people who had known anything
were his brothers and his two best friends. Not even Danny and
Ryans closest friends had been aware of the impending punishment.
Steve did not know how it had happened, but he was furious, and he
was going to find out.
Im going to fix this, Ry! he assured quietly, and with one
last comforting squeeze of his little brothers shoulder, he got to his
feet and headed for the door.
What are you going to do, Steve? Matt asked softly. He
still had a hand on Dannys back, but Dannys anguished cries had
not decreased by much.
I dont know, Steve replied honestly. First, I want
someone to tell me how the fuck the whole house came to be in
possession of information that we have guarded very carefully for
weeks now.
Somebody must have slipped, Matt continued in the same
undertone.
Like who?! Kurt and Mike? It will be their asses, if they
did! Steve snapped, his hand on the doorknob.
Steve, before anything else, and especially if youre
determined to go out there, you have got to calm down! I know
youre pissed, but if you open that door, you have to be prepared
first and foremost to deal with Kevin. The last thing you want to do
is inadvertently make things worse. Steve looked at his sobbing
brothers and paused. Matt was right. The last thing he wanted to do
was make things worse.
What do you think I should do? he asked as Hurricane
Kevin continued to rage on the other side of the door.
I dont know, Matt replied softly. Its a tough call.
Someones got to get that kid calmed down, and the best way to do
that might be to let him in.
No! No! Jesus, No! Danny interjected even before his
opinion was called for.
Well, there you have the thoughts on that idea, Matt
replied wryly. The only other choices are to forget about it and get
this over with and try to deal with Kevin and everything else in the
aftermath, or open the door with a very specific plan, knowing the
kids going to try and push his way in here.
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Steve looked again at Ryan and Danny, and another wave of

fury washed over him. It burned him to think people were out there
reveling in their misery. If I can just get Andys attention for a
moment, or Pats, maybe they can tell me something, he intimated
to Matt in hushed tones.
NO! his younger brothers pleaded, horrified. Steve had
not intended for them to hear, and he met Matts eyes
uncomfortably, looking away as his older brother raised his
eyebrows at him. Please just leave it, Steve! Please! Ryan
implored. Theres nothing you can do about it, now!
I can find the sons of bitches responsible! Steve thought
darkly to himself. He was trying very hard to think rationally, but at
the moment his more practical side had been overridden by his
protective feelings for his brothers. He would find out who had done
this to them! He would find out right now, and if Mcarthy had one
single thing to do with it, he would eat his liver for lunch.
With that thought in mind, Steve turned again towards the
door. All his brothers were against him, but he was the president,
and in this case, anyway, he would do as he pleased.

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File Seven
Damage Control
"Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity."
-Neal A Maxwell
Kevin was not calming down at all. In fact he seemed to
become more, instead of less, worked up as he fought to get at
Steves door. It took the efforts of both Andrew and Patrick to
restrain him, and they were losing ground. They were stronger than
Kevin, but not as resilient and he was wearing them down.
Privately, each wondered how much more he could take.
Mike had, to this point, not involved himself. He knew
Steve would at some point find out that the summons had become
public information, and he and Kurt, as the only two uninvolved
people he had confided in, were in the immediate line of fire. The
last thing he wanted was to be part of the drama exacerbating the
situation. He had assumed that Pat and Andy would be able to get
things under control, but he had not counted on the kids persistence.
He passed Kurt who was still trying to calm his own little
brothers in the hallway downstairs, and his friend smirked at him.
Good luck, he commented drolly.
Yeah, thanks, Mike returned as he started up the stairs.
What would Pat and Andy do if that was me in there, getting my ass
beat? he wondered wryly. Somehow, he couldnt picture them
throwing themselves against the presidents bedroom door. Then
again, he couldnt picture much of anybody taking that chance,
except maybe James, if Jess was in trouble, he thought. Thank
God the kid was gone already for the holidays. That was one less
potential drama to worry about, anyway. Steve had summoned the
poor kid for what was probably the ass blistering of his life the day
after the meeting, and James was still brimming with resentment.
Steve had a soft spot, though, where his brothers were
concerned, and they all knew it. They definitely took chances no
one else would take, and sometimes broke rules no one else would
even think of breaking. Most of the time, they got away with it. The
funny thing was, no one seemed to mind. Mike knew it was a natural
fascination with anything sadistic that had brought the majority of
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the fraternity together today, not a particular wish to see Danny and
Ryan suffer. Most of them, when asked where their sympathies lay,
would undoubtedly side with the two brothers. As spoiled as they
most certainly were, they were also lovable. Ryan, as the prankster,
and Danny as the intense and passionate driving force behind their
football team, were almost as well loved by the rest of the fraternity
as they were by their brother, and Kevin too was making friends just
as quickly as they had. Their little brothers willingness to speak his
mind, his guts on the field, his eagerness (especially the last few
weeks) to do the right thing, and his devotion to his brothers had
quickly made him a house favorite.
There werent many in the fraternity who would not have
eagerly seen Gregg Mcarthy in Danny and Ryans place tonight.
But it didnt stop them from coming here and making it worse,
Mike pondered bitterly. We just cant help involving ourselves in
the pain and misery of others. The last thought hit him hard as he
came around the corner and saw for himself the state that Danny and
Ryans little brother was in. Poor kid, he sighed heavily.
Pat and Andy had him cornered like a trapped animal
between the railing overlooking the common room, and Steves
door. His eyes were red and swollen, his face was flushed, and tears
continued to streak his cheeks. He was quiet at the moment as he
contemplated his next move, not willing to admit yet that he had
nowhere to go. At least hes getting some good drill time in, Mike
thought ironically. As a running back it was important for Kevin to
be able to get out of tight spots. Steves friend paused,
contemplating what to do, and at that moment his brothers looked
his way and saw him. Kevin followed their gaze.
Mike! Steves youngest brother cried. Mike! Please!
The next moment Kevin was rushing towards him, and Mike
instinctively put out his hands to intercept him, taking a firm grip on
Kevins arms. Mike, please! Kevin pleaded desperately. You
can talk to him! You can stop this! Please!
I cant, Kevbo. Mike looked sorrowfully down into
Kevins panicked face. Its not my call, he asserted gently.
But cant you talk to him? Kevin entreated, and Mike
shook his head.
I cant go in there now, Kev, he said softly, and if I did, it
wouldnt make a difference. We just have to let them get it over
211

with.
But they didnt mean to do it! Kevins frustration
resurfaced. I know they didnt! And, anyway, whatever they did,
Im sure Mcarthy deserved it!
That is neither here nor there, Kevin, Mike replied,
bending lower to peer in his face. In this fraternity, we do not fight,
and when you are the presidents brothers, fair or unfair, the ability
to control your temper becomes vital. Under no circumstances is it
acceptable for underclassmen to attack a senior. Danny and Ryan
know that!
But Mike . . . , Kevin started, and then he just dissolved
into tears.
Come on, now, its all right. Mike pulled him close and
Kevin clung to him, pressing his face into his chest. Mike pushed
his hair away from his hot, feverish forehead, and tightened his
arms, looking up to meet the grateful expressions of his own
younger brothers.
Before anything could be said, however, Steves door opened
just a crack and they all looked over in surprise. Steve peered out at
them, and Patrick and Andy paled at the sight of his furious face,
swallowing as they looked back at Mike. Steve was staring right at
their brother, and Mike sighed inwardly as he unflinchingly met the
fraternity presidents smoldering eyes. Well, obviously the cat is out
of the bag, he thought grimly, holding tighter to Kevin.
At that moment Kevin turned his head towards the door and
caught sight of his oldest brother. Steves expression softened as he
looked at Kevins face, and Kevin looked timidly at him. Is it
over? he asked tremulously, and tears welled in Steves eyes as he
barely shook his head. Kevin saw his window of opportunity and
lunged towards him. Dont do it, Steve! Please, please! he wailed
as Mike hauled him back and tightened his grip. Kevin fought him,
frantically.
Its all right, let him go, Steve instructed his friend softly,
stepping outside and pulling the door, so it was barely cracked
behind him. The next moment Kevin was grasping his knees and
sobbing as Steve looked down at him and softly stroked his hair.
All right, Kev. Its all right, he soothed.
Please dont do this! Kevin pleaded again.
I dont have a choice, Little Bro, Steve returned quietly,
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his throat tight.

But why? Why? Kevin sobbed. Why are you siding with
Gregg when everything he ever does is mean spirited with the
intention of hurting somebody, and you know Danny and Ryan
arent like that! You know it! Whatever they did to him, he was
asking for it!
Thats not the point, Kevbo. Steve reiterated Mikes
earlier assertion, keeping his voice as controlled as possible. The
way Danny and Ryan behaved left me no choice. I have to punish
them.
But why? When you know they didnt mean it?
They attacked a senior, Kevin. Even if they were seniors
too, Id probably still have to punish them, but as underclassmen
there is simply no way around it.
But he provoked them, Steve! Im sure he did!
Kevin you are not listening to me, Steve admonished
softly. Gregg did not throw the first punch! In fact he did not return
any punches at all!
Thats because hes a weak ass pussy! Kevin exclaimed
hotly. Tears had welled in Pat and Andys eyes by now, but even so
they had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, and Mike quickly
turned his head. Even Steve had to pause and take a deep breath
before he looked once again into his youngest brothers infuriated
face.
Try to get what Im saying to you, Kev, he squatted down
and took his little brother by the shoulders, peering intently into his
raging green eyes as Kevin brushed in frustration at the tears that
continued to spill down his cheeks. What Ryan and Danny did is
very serious. It does not matter what Gregg may or may not have
done to provoke them. They have to be punished. I cannot let it go.
Look at me, Steve commanded as Kevin averted his eyes and began
to sob again. Look at me, please, he repeated. Finally, Kevin met
his big brothers eyes once more. The minimum punishment,
Steve had been talking softly, but now he lowered his voice still
more, for an infraction of this kind, is a severe paddling. Do you
understand me? he asked as Kevins sobs increased again. Its the
minimum punishment, Kev. If they were anybody else, I would
probably have had to evict them from the fraternity. Steve gave
Kevin a moment to absorb what he had said and then he repeated
213

quietly, I cant let this go completely unpunished. Do you

understand?
Then punish me! Kevin sobbed as he looked into his big
brothers eyes. Its my fault! I know they were fighting about me!
Punish me if you have to, but please dont paddle them, Steve,
please!
Oh, Kevin, Steves eyes filled again despite his best
efforts, and he regarded his little brother fondly, its not your fault.
Yes, it is! Kevin protested. If I wasnt such a selfish brat
all semester long, Mcarthy wouldnt have had anything to provoke
them with!
How do you know it was about that? Steve asked quietly.
Oh, please, Steve! Mcarthy said it was the same day as the
meeting! Im not stupid you know! What did he say? Kevin
sobbed. Did he call me a brat, tell them I was spoiled and I
deserved it? What? Whatever he said, he was right! I wish they had
just left it alone!
Jesus Christ! The muffled sob came floating through the
crack in the door, and Kevin barely recognized his brothers voice.
Let . . . .
What, Dan? Steve opened the door just a little wider. I
didnt hear you. What did you say?
I said, let him in! Danny sobbed, taking his face out of the
pillow and turning it toward the door.
Are you sure? Steve asked softly, standing up, and looking
into the room.
Matt had his hand on the back of Dannys head, and had
been stroking his hair. Now, he paused and looked up to meet his
little brothers eyes as Danny answered. Yes, he sobbed. Im
sure.
Steve shifted his gaze to Ryan, still crumpled in the chair.
Ry?
If its what Danny wants.
Kevin heard the choked reply from his other brother, and
Steve looked down at him. All right, Kevbo, he said softly.
Come on. Maybe, its for the best. He pulled his little brother to
his feet and opened the door just wide enough for him to get
through. Kevin looked at him, hesitantly. Go on, he urged softly.
Its all right. Kevin swallowed and wiped at his tears, but then he
214

ducked under Steves arm and entered the room. A moment later he
collapsed into sobs again as he dropped on his knees by Danny, put
his head down on the bed, and cried. Quietly, Steve closed the door
and turned to look at Mike, Andy, and Patrick. His accusing eyes
lingered a moment on Mike, and then he looked back at his friends
little brothers once more.
Andy, he stretched out his arm, and beckoned him, come
here for a minute. Nervously, Andy looked at Mike. Come here,
Steve repeated, glancing at Mike. Mike gave Andy an encouraging
nod, and Andy approached the president.
Tell me honestly, Steve put his arm as far around Andys
bulk as it would go, and Andy once again looked for Mike. No, no,
look here, Steve commanded gently, and, anxiously, Andy obeyed.
Tell me honestly, Steve started again, looking intently into Andys
eyes. How did you and Patrick find out about this?
Mcarthy told us, Andy replied without hesitation.
Steves face flushed and he clenched his fist. Mcarthy told
you? Are you sure?
Yes, Andy replied again. He set up shop in the campus
store. He was telling everybody.
Steves blood began to boil and he gently took hold of
Andys jaw as Andy once again looked for his brother. Andy, this
is really important, he said earnestly. Are you being straight with
me?
Yes! Andy exclaimed. Why would I lie?
Are you sure that Mike didnt tell you, or even maybe just
let it slip by accident?
No! Andy replied horrified. Mike never said a word!
Pat? Steve glanced at Mikes other little brother, and Pat
shook his head, too broken up to respond.
Answer me, please, Steve prompted.
No, Patrick choked. It was definitely Mcarthy! Steve let
go of Andy and turned away to hide his emotions.
He was in the bookshop, telling people? he inquired
disbelievingly, and Pat and Andy nodded as he turned back to face
them.
All right, he said. The two of you may go. Tell Kurt to
come up here, please.
Pat and Andy glanced at Mike uneasily. Its all right, he
215

assured them quietly, and resignedly the two brothers made their
way around the landing and down the hallway.
Well that was quick, Kurt simpered as they started down
the stairs. Mike must have the magic touch.
Pat and Andy didnt smile. They stopped near the bottom of
the stairs and sat down. Pat was still brushing at his eyes as Jesse
and Sean who had grown much calmer looked up at them. It wasnt
Mike, Andy said quietly. Steve came out.
Did he really? Kurt replied in surprise. So, thats what
everyone was looking at, he said mostly to himself as he glanced
over his shoulder at the restless activity in the common room. He
looked back at Pat and Andy then and asked quietly, So, what did
our fearless leader have to say?
Andy shrugged. He talked to Kevin for a few minutes, and
tried to calm him down. Kevin got real emotional, started blaming
himself, and Danny overheard him from the bedroom, told Steve to
let him in, so now Kevins in there with them . . . .
With Danny and Ryan? Kurt interjected in astonishment.
Andy nodded. Wow, Kurt drawled, way to go, Kevin! Way to get
what you want by throwing a tantrum!
Hey, ease up! Jesse snapped. The kids having a really
hard time, and who can blame him?
I know he is, Jess, Kurt responded apologetically. I just
cant believe Steve let him go in there.
Did you see Danny and Ryan? Sean inquired softly.
No, Andys voice wavered, but we heard them talking to
Steve. Theyre having a really tough time. Sean pressed his
fingers to his eyes, and Jesse put his head back on his knees. For a
moment no one said anything. Steve knows about Mcarthy, Andy
spoke again quietly after a minute, looking at Kurt. He wants to
see you.
He does, does he? Kurt returned softly. All righty, then, I
guess Ill be back. He gave Seans shoulder one last squeeze as he
got to his feet. Its all right, he reassured his brothers as they
looked worriedly up at him. If Mike and I arent back in fifteen
minutes, though, some loud wailing, sobbing, and a little pounding
on Steves door would be very much appreciated. All four of the
younger students looked at him now, in alarm. Im kidding! he
exclaimed as he tried to keep a straight face. Relax you guys! Im
216

kidding. Ill be back, he gave Jesse and Sean an encouraging little

smile, and so will Mike, he promised, placing his hand on Pats
shoulder as he stepped through Mikes two younger brothers, but he
couldnt keep from smirking again as he continued up the stairs.
Its not funny, he reprimanded himself, but he couldnt help it. He
just couldnt get used to thinking of his best friend as the
intimidating person that so many of his fellow fraternity members
saw him as.

217

File Eight
Stalling
"You may delay, but time will not."
-Benjamin Franklin
"One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a
milder and symbolic form) the punishments what we
should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies."
-Aldous Huxley
Kurt found Steve and Mike in Mikes room. The door was
open, and Steve was pacing the floor. Mike was sitting dejectedly
on the bed, and Kurt glanced at him as he entered. Mike met his
eyes, and swallowed. Kurt was serious now; the urge to laugh had
passed. Now, he was just concerned about his friend. He knew how
hard this whole process had been on Steve already, and Gregg
Mcarthy had gone and made it ten times harder.
Steve was still pacing the floor, and had not seen Kurt come
in, but now as his friend turned and caught sight of him, Kurt broke
eye-contact with Mike, and met the furious eyes of the president
instead. Whats going on, Man? he inquired softly.
Close the door! Steve commanded, and without hesitation,
Kurt did so. You want to tell me how Sean and Jesse found out
about this?
Sean was with Ryan when he checked his mail, Kurt
replied quietly.
Steve stopped pacing, and looked at him in surprise. Why
would Ryan put himself in that situation? He knew damn well the
slips would be there.
Kurt shrugged. I dont know, he returned in the same soft
tone. Im assuming that Sean unintentionally backed him into a
corner, ran into him in the mail room, or something. Maybe Sean
encountered him on the way, and offered to go with him. You know
how close those two are. Maybe Ryan decided it just wouldnt
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matter that much. After all, he had to know Sean was going to find
out some time. Letting him see the slips was as painless a way as
any. Steve looked doubtful. I really dont know, Kurt repeated.
Youll have to ask your brother. Steve brought his hand to his
eyes, and Mike and Kurt exchanged glances once more.
How do you think Mcarthy found out? Steve finally
looked at them again.
I dont know, Mike replied quietly.
I know you dont know! Steve snapped. Im asking what
you think! How do you THINK he found out?
Come on, Man! Kurt responded a little impatiently now.
How are we supposed to know? Thats anybodys guess.
You dont think he got it from Jesse and Sean, do you?
Steve asked. Kurt and Mike looked incredulously at him. Im sure
they didnt do it on purpose, Steve added quickly, reading his
friends expressions, but could they have slipped?
Come on, Steve, Mike reasoned, I know youre upset, and
I know you want to figure this out, but lets be rational here!
I am being rational! Steve returned defensively. That rat
bastard found out somehow! Im just trying to consider all the
possibilities!
Well, youre way off the mark! Mikes temper flared.
Danny and Ryan couldnt have more loyal friends than those two
are, and you know it! They would have guarded that kind of
information with their lives!
Yeah, Kurt interjected sarcastically. I mean, am I
mistaken, or werent you there this afternoon when Matt came in?
Didnt you hear what your brother said? He said that Jesse was
about two seconds away from putting Mcarthy through the wall.
Does that sound like they tipped him off, or even like they slipped?
Be reasonable, Steve!
I am being reasonable, God damn it! This is the hardest
thing I ever had to do! I have to go in there and punish my brothers
for doing something every single one of us has thought about doing,
something we all wish we had the guts to really do! I went out of
my way to make this as painless as possible for Danny and Ryan,
and now, someone out there, either through some thoughtless slip of
the tongue or some malicious desire to hurt them, has turned the
whole thing into this horrible fiasco! Obviously, Mcarthy is the
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principal scumbag involved, but I would sure as hell like to know

who tipped him off to begin with! So, excuse me, Steves voice
cracked, and caught in his throat, if Im not exercising the precise
amount of objectivity you think I should be, and Im sorry if Im not
thinking quite as clearly as you are! I do have a few things on my
mind! The room filled with awkward silence as Steves outburst
came to an end, and Steve pressed his fingers to his eyes again,
turning away from his friends. Sorry, he choked.
Hey, Man, dont worry about us, Kurt returned
consolingly.
Or about Mcarthy, Mike added in the same tone.
When Kurt next spoke, he chose his words carefully. Steve
so rarely lost his temper, and as much as his two friends knew he
really did want blood from Mcarthy, they also knew that was not the
genuine source of his stress at the moment. All we can do right
now, Kurt started softly, is control the damage. He paused as
Steve swiped desperately at the tears now leaking their way down
his cheeks. The only way to do that, Man, Kurt finally continued,
is to get this over with and let people begin to forget about it.
I dont want to do this, Kurt! Steve cried. I dont want to
fucking do this!
I know, Kurt acknowledged softly.
I never asked to be the fucking president, anyway! Steve
seethed. Mike and Kurt were quiet. They knew their friend was
coming to grips with this the best way he could; there was nothing
they could say. Finally, Steve turned to them. You go down there
and tell that no good son of a bitch that if he thinks Im sending my
brothers down to apologize to him in front of a house full of people
he can just kiss my ass! There will be no apology! Then you give
him this! Steve grabbed a pad of paper from Mikes desk and,
picking up the pen that had been lying next to it, began scrawling on
it. A minute later he tore the paper off and handed it to Kurt. Since
Brad isnt here, he can choose someone else if he wants (Brad was
Greggs Big Brother. He had graduated the previous year). Matt
will act as a witness. Tell him sorry its not pink, Steve directed
sarcastically, but that it is for damn sure genuine. You tell him we
can do this above board or I can have Matt and Jason hunt him
down. Its his choice! (Jason had been president two years ago).
Kurt hesitated as he looked into his friends miserable eyes.
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He had never seen such an expression on Steves face before; his

friend was normally so good at masking his feelings. Never had
Kurt seen such evident anguish, such rage, and bitterness. He
swallowed hard and couldnt help looking again at Mike. Mike bit
his lip and looked quickly away.
Is there a problem? Steve demanded.
No, Kurt began uncertainly, looking back at the president.
I mean, not really . . . its just that . . . .
That what? Steve prompted impatiently.
Well . . . I mean . . . you want me to give him this now?
Kurt demanded incredulously.
Youre damn fucking right I want you to give it to him
now! Steve returned heatedly. I cant think of any better time!
Kurt and Mike shifted uncomfortably, doing their best to avoid one
anothers eyes. What?? Steve fumed. You have another
suggestion?
No, I mean . . . its just . . . well . . . its just . . . .
Its just WHAT?? Steve pressed exasperatedly.
Well, dont you want to be a little more official about this,
Man? Do it completely above board like you said?
It is above board! Steve exploded. It is totally fucking
above board! Mike and Kurt traded uneasy glances once more. It
may not be as formal as the process we usually go through and it
may not be strictly routine but why the fuck should I care about
that? he demanded heatedly. You think I should go by the book?
Do what I can to preserve Mcarthys dignity? Did he give a fuck
about any of that when he purposely set Danny and Ryan up? Its a
fucking god damn circus down there, thanks to Mcarthy! Steve
fumed. Why should I give a rats ass about his dignity?
Because, Kurt replied softly, you are the president, and
Gregg is a senior. It is highly irregular to summon a senior in the
first place. Im not saying you shouldnt do it, he added quickly as
Steve glared at him, but you want to be careful . . . .
No, Kurt! NO! Steve interjected. Fuck that! All semester
long Ive been doing the right fucking thing! Trying to be fair and
not play favorites, despite what everybody thinks! But its over! He
has pushed me too far. I might be the president, but I am also Danny
and Ryans big brother and right now, they come first! Kurt and
Mike just stared at him and Steve did his best to collect himself.
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When he next spoke his voice was more controlled, but it carried a
menacing tone, the likes of which his friends had never before heard
from anybody. Hes going to pay this time, Kurt! he lowered.
One way or another, this time, that sorry, no good mother fucker is
going to pay! Do you hear me? Hes going to pay! Tell him that for
me! With that, Steve opened the door and stepped into the hallway,
shutting it hard again behind him and leaving his two best friends in
a rare shell-shocked silence.

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File Nine
Indecision
Indecision is like a stepchild: if he does not wash his
hands, he is called dirty, if he does, he is wasting water.
-African Proverb
Uncertainty will always be part of the taking charge
process.
-Harold Geneen

Now what? Mike finally broke the silence.

Kurt shrugged. I guess we have to go down there and give
this to Mcarthy, he answered hesitantly, but I think we ought to at
least put it in an envelope first. He began to fish around in Mikes
desk for the desired item.
I dont like this, Man, Mike responded uncomfortably. I
mean its not like I have any real sympathy for Mcarthy, but he IS a
senior. I dont know; the whole thing just doesnt feel right.
Well, I dont like it either, Kurt returned, but its what
Steve asked us to do, and he is the president as well as our friend.
Hes playing with fire, Mike persisted.
Well, what do you suggest we do about it? Kurt snapped.
Hes within his rights to summon Gregg. Lord knows that slime
sucking sludge slurping bastard has it coming!
I know, Man, but Steves not thinking straight at all right
now! This isnt the kind of thing hed do if he was: not this way! He
is emotionally exhausted; his temper is short, and he is just not in his
right mind! That could spell big trouble for him, Kurt!
So you think we should go against his request?? Not
summon Mcarthy? Kurts eyes flashed. Dont you think hes been
through enough without us second guessing him?
Well, Mike replied hesitantly. Im not saying we should
go against him exactly . . . .
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Then just what are you saying? Kurt demanded, his guard
fully up. Steve had been his best friend since freshmen year. They
had been through a lot together and Kurt knew things that even
Mike didnt. Protecting Steve was always at the forefront of Kurts
mind. This proposal of Mikes smelled an awful lot like betrayal,
and Kurt would not have that.
Relax, Man! Mike returned irritably. Im not saying go
against him. Im just thinking maybe we could make a couple of
phone calls first.
Phone calls to who? Kurt inquired warily, but as Mike
looked up and met his eyes, he knew what his friend was getting at.
He continued to hold Mikes eyes, pressing his lips together
thoughtfully as he mulled the suggestion over in his mind. Its
risky, he ventured quietly, at last.
Its risky if we dont too, Mike replied.
That was true. Kurt was silent for another moment. Ok,
Man, he said finally. You might be on to something.
Cant hurt to ask, right? Mike intimated hopefully.
No, Kurt replied softly. Well have to do this carefully, of
course, but it definitely cant hurt to ask.
Do you think Steve will be mad?
Kurt hesitated. No, I dont think so, he replied. Not if we
handle it right. A gleam appeared in his eye. With the right plan in
place, the idea of being the bearer of Gregg Mcarthys bad tidings
was anything but unappealing. Mike met Kurts now smirking
expression with a simper of his own. Come on, Kurt suggested,
lets go make those phone calls.

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File Ten
The Lecture
"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing
and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In
its place we are entering a period of consequences."
-Winston S. Churchill
"True remorse is never just a regret over consequences; it
is a regret over motive."
-Mignon McLaughlin
Steve re-entered his room quietly, closing the door as softly
as he could behind him, and leaning against it as he tried to gather
his resolve. Matt looked up from the bed where he was still sitting
with Danny. Did you get the information you wanted? he asked
quietly.
Steve shrugged and tears filled his eyes. All his younger
brothers had quieted, now, for the most part, and Steve did his best
to force down the lump in his throat. This business with Mcarthy
seemed somehow unimportant all of a sudden. He looked across to
where Ryan was still on his knees in the chair, and sighed deeply. It
was time to get this over with. Come here, Ry, he called softly.
Ryan turned to look at his big brother, and sagged in the
chair as Steve met his eyes and indicated the bed. He buried his face
on his arm, biting his lip, and rubbing his eyes against his sleeve in
an attempt to get himself fully together. Finally, however, he got to
his feet and made his way over to the bed. Danny, at Matts gentle
urging, sat up to make room for him and Ryan settled gingerly
between his two little brothers. Kevin still had his face hidden on
the bed, and Ryans hand went automatically to the top of his
youngest brothers head.
Steve took his chair from his desk and sat down facing them.
For a moment, he just looked thoughtfully at them, and Ryan and
Danny squirmed under his gaze, still wiping occasionally at their
silent tears and avoiding their big brothers eyes. Do you guys
225

understand why you are in trouble? Steve asked finally in a soft

voice.
Yes, Danny choked, but I dont really understand why
Mcarthys not.
Steve continued to look at him without answering for a
moment. He knew he had to handle this carefully. The summons he
had issued for Gregg just now had nothing to do with his
involvement in the fight Danny and Ryan were being punished for,
and even if it had been related, Gregg was a senior. It was,
therefore, even more inappropriate for Ryan and Danny to know of
the pending punishment. That realization hit him hard and his
stomach began to curl as he thought of what he had just asked Kurt
and Mike to do. He had reacted in the moment and, now he
realized, he had made a bad decision. Mcarthy is a bully, Danny,
he continued softly at last, and he can be very mean sometimes, but
there are no rules against picking on younger members of the house.
I know hes a pain in the ass, but unless he throws a punch, thats all
he is.
Well, its not fair! Danny sulked, looking away again and
brushing once more at his tears.
Steve was quiet again for a moment. He seemed to be
weighing something in his mind. Coming at last to an apparent
resolution, he directed his attention to his youngest brother. Turn
around, Kev, he commanded firmly. Turn around and look at me.
I want you all to hear what I am about to say. Danny and Ryan
glanced uneasily at one another as their little brother obediently took
his face out of the comforter, and turned to face Steve. He sat on the
floor at Ryans feet, hugging his knees and looking tearfully up at
the president as his older brothers hand trailed absently through his
thick, sandy, brown hair.
Steve looked back at him, his expression reflecting all that he
was feeling at the moment. I am very proud of you, Kevbo, he
started softly. Youve done everything weve asked of you and
then some these past few weeks. This is not about you right now,
but since you are here, I want you to listen to what I have to say.
Listen and learn from it.
He looked now at his other two little brothers and Ryan
looked down, pressing his fingers to his eyes. It was so hard to see
the disappointment in Steves eyes, and know that he was the cause
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of it. Do you remember the talk we had a week or so ago? Steve

asked gently. When we were all trying to explain things to Kevin?
Danny and Ryan nodded; they didnt dare try their voices.
Remember how we talked about setting a higher example? Danny
bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut. Well, the same situation
applies here, Steve reprimanded softly. You are my younger
brothers, my successors. People look to you for the example they
will follow.
As gentle as Steves tone was, his words stung, and both his
younger brothers began to sob again despite their efforts. From an
academic standpoint, Steve continued, his heart in his throat, I
could not be more proud of either of you. Youve both busted your
asses to get where you are, and you are both near the top of your
class. I have nothing more to wish for in that respect. Behavior wise,
however, you consistently push the boundaries.
Like when?? Danny challenged. When have we ever
pushed those boundaries except for the fight?
Well, the fight was a big one for sure, Steve replied
ironically, and I believe it occurred because, in the back of your
minds, neither of you thought I would actually summon you. There
was a long pause as Steve waited patiently for his brothers to absorb
the significance of what he had just said. Matt too waited, looking
at his little brother with quiet approval.
Ok! Danny huffed, finally, breaking the silence. Maybe
youre right, but those were special circumstances. Its not like we
go around picking fights all the time.
No, I know that, Steve replied softly, but there are other
things.
Like what?? Danny wept.
Oh come on, Danny, Matt started to intervene. He thought
the question perfectly silly, and the answer rather obvious, but Steve
held up his hand, signaling his big brother to let it be.
Its a fair question, Matt, he asserted. Matt pursed his lips,
but he did not say anything further. They are little things, Danny,
Steve continued gently, little things that add up to a big
fundamental problem.
Such as??? Danny demanded between sobs. Matts eyes
glittered dangerously now, but Dannys eyes were on Steve and he
didnt notice the scathing glare his oldest brother sent in his
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direction.
Well for starters, that tone you are using right there. You
and Ryan both have a tendency to be a bit mouthy when you are
unhappy and things arent going your way.
That is so not true! Danny returned indignantly, but Steve
ignored him and continued.
There is also, at times, a lack of proper deportment during
house meetings. Steve looked particularly at Ryan as he said this,
but Ryan refused to look back at him. Unlike Danny, he knew deep
down in his heart that what their big brother was saying was true.
He reddened in shame and covered his face with his hands. He
could not bring himself to look at Steve at all. You change the
chore roster around to get the jobs you want, Steve chided, doing
his best to keep a straight face at this particular thought, and even
Matt had to turn his head as he too fought to contain his amusement.
This was a bit of mischief of which he had not yet heard. Then, you
often skip out on them, Steve went on, and Danny colored. This
was undeniably true. He and Ryan just hadnt known that Steve
knew they were doing it, or maybe, Danny suddenly realized with
shame, deep down, they had known they were taking advantage;
they just hadnt cared. I know for a fact that, on occasion, you have
both snuck things into the house you werent supposed to have, and
you regularly play music a little too loudly, even during the house
quiet hours; sometimes you interrupt peoples sleep and study time.
Sometimes, we have good reason, Danny grumped. He
shifted his eyes, though, as Steve and Matt both raised their
eyebrows at his intimation. He knew he was stretching it, but he
couldnt help it. It had just come out. The room adjoining Steves
room, where discipline sessions were conducted, was a mostly
soundproof room. It had been a sitting room when the house was
first built. Contributions from generations of Bull Dogs had
revolutionized it and made it into the mostly soundproof room it was
today.
The soundproofing was not complete unfortunately, though,
because anyone in the presidents room could still hear what went on
through the door. Even more problematic, was the system of vents
that connected this room with certain other rooms in the house. To
get around this, those rooms were generally occupied by the brothers
or close friends of the president, people the president trusted to
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maintain a high level of decency and discretion. This year, those

rooms were occupied by Danny and Ryan whose sensitive hearts
never tempted them to listen in on more than they could help, and
who most times made a supreme effort to be out of their rooms
when they knew a session was scheduled to occur. It was their
efforts whenever they did happen to be in their rooms that Danny
was now referring to.
I never conduct discipline sessions during the quiet hours,
Dan, Steve replied in a scolding tone. You know that.
Danny hung his head. Yeah I know, he choked, but we
always turn it down if someone asks us to.
But they shouldnt have to ask, Danny, Steve chastised
gently. Those are the rules.
Are you going to punish us for all these things? Danny
sobbed in dismay.
No Bud, Steve soothed. It is not any one of these
individual things that you are being punished for. It is the general
lack of respect for the rules that they collectively represent that has
got you in trouble today. I have been consistently looking the other
way on all these things, Steves voice cracked slightly, because
they are little things. No one but Mcarthy and company has been
complaining, and you are my little brothers . . . . Steves voice
caught once more and he had to pause before continuing. I am
convinced now, though, he went on finally, that it was the
confidence you gained from pushing these smaller boundary lines
successfully that resulted in the disastrous encounter with Mcarthy.
Neither of you thought for a minute what the consequences might be
because in the end you didnt really believe there would be any, and
thats my fault, he concluded sadly.
No! Now, Steve, I will not have that! Matt could no longer
contain himself. This is most definitely not your fault. I
understand the point you are making, but this is college, and the
choices Danny and Ryan ultimately make are theirs. You are here to
guide them, not tell them decisively what to do. They know the
rules. They can choose to abide by them or not, and if they choose
not, then they have to be prepared to accept the consequences like
everybody else.
Youre right! Ryan sobbed as he began to see fully for the
first time, the difficult position he had been putting his big brother
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in. Im sorry! Im so sorry! He took his hands from his face and
looked beseechingly at Steve.
Its ok, Bud, Steve assured, his heart melting.
No! Matt replied. No, its not ok!
Matt, Steve started pleadingly; he couldnt stand the
anguished look on his little brothers face.
No, Steve, this is what always happens, Matt asserted
more matter-of- factly than sharply. He then turned back to Ryan
and Danny. I know that youre sorry, he softened his tone as he
looked into Ryans agonized face, but you have to understand the
position you have been putting Steve in. All semester, hes been
under pressure from certain members of the fraternity.
Matt, please, Steve tried again.
They need to understand how serious this is, Steven!
They do, now. Im sure they do.
Do they?? Do they understand the significance of what has
happened here? With little to no thought, they attacked a senior!
We might give some consideration to who that senior was
and just how many people wanted to do exactly the same thing,
Steve mumbled.
It doesnt matter! Matt exclaimed. It doesnt matter who
it was! This fraternity simply does not put up with that crap after
freshmen year! And they are your brothers, your successors, as you
were saying! Ironically, Matt looked once more at Danny and
Ryan, if you were anyone else you would both have been out on
your asses three weeks ago! And, Ill have you know, even your
status on the team and in the house would not have been enough to
keep you here if it werent for the very deep affection your brother
has for both of you!
Matt, please! The stricken look on the faces of both his
little brothers as Matt lit into them was more than Steve could take,
but Matt as usual would say his piece, and as his big brother
continued, Steve looked down, biting his lip and pinching the bridge
of his nose hard.
Steve and I have spent many hours in council these last few
weeks, Matt went on determinedly, talking about the appropriate
consequences for each of you, and it has been very hard on him!
Hes been thinking about little else and I know he hasnt been
sleeping much. The decision was much more difficult than either of
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you probably knows. Since the beginning of the semester, Steve has
been accused by Mcarthy, among others, of playing favorites, and of
being too lenient with the two of you. As the president want to be of
the house, Mcarthy, of course, knows the rule book and The Code
backwards and forwards. You cannot imagine how much grief Steve
has taken from him! All the same, eviction never once crossed his
mind as a valid option! Matt paused and his manner softened a
little as Danny and Ryan both fell completely to pieces. Nor did it
cross mine, he added gently. You are good kids, and it is perhaps
true that Steve needs to be a little stricter with you, but it is your
responsibility not to put him in those types of awkward positions to
begin with, understand?
Kevin had so far been a silent witness to both these
traumatizing speeches. Now, as the tongue lashing finally came to
an end, he hugged his knees hard, trying to keep his eyes away from
his distraught older brothers. He was feeling helplessly stunned.
Never had he heard his big brothers scolded so sharply before, by
Steve or by anyone, and never had he seen them melt so completely,
especially Ryan. Despite his own distress the night of The Meeting,
he remembered how undone Danny had become, and he and Danny
had shared some moments of private tears, but Ryan? Ryan had
always been the backbone of their little trio, the picture of
composure in Kevins mind, the support he and Danny both relied
on. To see him like this was startling, mind numbing, even a little
scary. It was hard to know what to do. He chewed his lip and snuck
a timid glance at Matt and Steve.
Steve was still busy fighting with his own emotions, but Matt
met the eyes of his youngest brother full on. Kevin didnt flinch and
Matt watched with curiosity as his youngest brother raised himself
from the floor to the bed, sliding in close to Ryan, before glancing
hesitantly once more in his oldest brothers direction. A lump rose
in Matts throat, but he nodded encouragingly, and a surge of pride
welled up inside him as Kevin tentatively slipped his arm around the
shoulders of his big brother. Ryan turned his face into Kevins
shoulder and clung to him as Kevin offered whatever quiet words of
comfort he could think of, and Matt continued to look on in
amazement. Well Ill be damned, he thought to himself. That kid
really is something else. He got up from the corner of the bed where
he was sitting, made his way, as casually as possible, over to Steve,
231

and placed his hand on his little brothers shoulder, prompting him
to look up.
Steve looked at him, swiping somewhat futilely at his
cheeks, and Matt directed his gaze to the bed. Steve laughed a little
despite himself and then covered his face. He just loves Danny and
Ryan, he choked under his breath.
Matt squeezed Steves shoulder as his little brother leant
against him. Come with me for a moment, he coaxed, and Steve
nodded, unable now to rely on his voice. Matt placed a hand under
his elbow and hauled him to his feet, supporting him almost entirely.
Absently, Steve allowed himself to be guided as he concentrated all
his efforts now on maintaining his composure. Having no place else
to go, Matt opened the door located just to the left of the bed and
pushed his little brother into the houses most collectively dreaded
room. Steve collapsed into sobs a moment later, and with a last
anxious glance in their little brothers direction, Matt stepped
quickly in after him and pulled the door shut behind him. For
several long minutes the sounds of heartbreak could be heard on
either side of the door, followed by the soothing tones that came
from the oldest and youngest of the presidents brothers.

232

File Eleven
Dannys Penance
"I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone
in the light."
-Helen Keller
"The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our
behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the
consequences of that behavior.
-M. Scott Peck
Come on, Bro, Matt encouraged, weve just got to do this
and get it over with. This kind of melt down isnt helping anybody,
especially not you.
I know! Steve sobbed. But I dont think I can do it,
Matt!
Yes you can, Matt encouraged.
No I cant! Did you see the way Ryan looked at me?
I know, Bud, Matt acknowledged softly. I know this is
hard on you. Steve buried his face in his hands, and Matt folded
him in his arms. You should never have been put in this position,
he murmured, doing his best to keep his irritation with Ryan from
seeping into his voice as Steve pressed his face into his chest.
Nobody should ever be put in this position . . . except maybe me,
right? he teased, giving Steves bottom an affectionate squeeze.
The corners of Steves mouth tilted a little despite himself, and he
pushed his wet face harder into Matts chest as Matt brushed his hot,
sweaty hair away from his face and forehead. The bond you and
Ryan have is special, bro, and it will hold, Matt assured. We knew
this was going to be hard, right? Thats why Im here; Ill help you.
The hardest part is over. You said what you needed to say. Now, we
just have to get this over with for everyones sake, especially yours,
ok? Steve didnt answer and after a minute Matt went on. Ill help
you with Ryan, all right? Just get through this ordeal with Danny,
and I will help you with Ryan. All you need to do now is be there
for him. Just be his big brother the way you always have been, ok?
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At last, Steve nodded, though he still did not look up. You ready?
Matt whispered. Steve clung to his brother for another minute, but
then, finally, he looked up at him, and Matt brought his fingers up to
gently wipe away the remaining tears.
*******************************************************
When Matt and Steve finally opened the door leading back
into Steves bedroom, they found their younger brothers still
huddled together on Steves bed. They too had grown calmer by
now and Steve sighed as he looked at them. Dan, he called
huskily, come on, Bud, lets go. Matt was standing behind Steve
and he placed a hand on his little brothers shoulder as Danny, Ryan,
and Kevin all looked over at them. Ryan, Steve continued
hoarsely, lets go, bud.
Steves red eyes along with his gravelly tone gave his prior
distress away, but outwardly he was the same calm, reassuring Steve
they were used to seeing and Ryan and Danny responded
automatically to his quiet authority. They too just wanted to get this
over with, now. Even Kevin sensed that arguing could do no good,
and though he covered his face with his hands, he made no verbal
protest as Danny and Ryan rose from the bed; he just let them go.
Ryan and Danny stopped in front of their big brothers and
Danny looked pleadingly at Steve one more time, to no avail. Matt
just glared reprovingly at him, and Steve swung the door to the
Correction Room (as it was formally known) wider and stepped
back, giving Danny and Ryan room to pass in before him. Go on,
he whispered firmly. Danny bit his lip and hung his head. Ryan
brought his hand to his shoulder, and with one final anxious glance
in the direction of the bed where his little brother was still hunched
with his face in his hands, Danny preceded his big brother into the
room. Steve followed them and closed the door softly behind him.
*******************************************************
The Correction Room was stark and white (all white). It
was, in itself, a forbidding place. Upon entering, one just knew
nothing good could happen here. The only significant piece of
furniture in the room was the long table that stretched from one end
of the small room to the other. It was lined on either side with hard,
wooden, straight-backed chairs that, if they belonged in any room,
belonged in this one. Here, the president would occasionally meet
with his council when making particularly difficult decisions. The
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members of that council were bound to secrecy; nobody even knew

who they were. The presidents younger brothers were, of course,
not eligible to be his advisors, and freshmen were also barred. Other
than that, no particular stipulations determined who the president
chose, and rumor ran rampant.
The council did not meet over every decision. They met
only when the infraction was serious and (or) the presidents sole
judgment was likely to be called into question. On this particular
matter, Steve had sought the general advice of the council early on.
Because of its delicate nature, however, it had been necessary to
exclude certain council members even from the earliest proceedings.
Then, once the consequences had been irrevocably determined, the
details had been left up to the president, and he had turned to his two
best friends and his big brother as those he trusted most in the world.
On the wall, in the direct center of the room, was a blown up
copy of The Code in an austere wooden frame. It was flanked on
either side by the ominous fraternity paddle and a leather strap that
had, on occasion, been used to make a particularly potent point.
Below it, hung the newest addition to the family of implements, a
headmasters senior cane that Matt had purchased not two weeks
ago. Danny and Ryan both went a deathly shade of pale as their
eyes fell upon it.
Steve followed their gaze, and the bile rose in his throat.
Dont think about it, he cautioned himself. Just dont think about
it. He reached up to take the paddle from the wall and then turned
back to face his brothers, steeling himself as best as he could for
what he had to do. Danny was fighting back tears again as he stood
in front of Ryan; his big brothers hands rested reassuringly on his
shoulders. Ryan looked positively sick as his big brother turned
towards them, paddle in hand, but Steve was determined now to
finish this, and he slipped almost automatically into his presidential
role. It was tradition and ritual that would get him through this, he
knew. He could not stop for a moment to think about what he was
doing or he would surely fall a part again.
Daniel Jordan Lockheart, he began in his most
authoritative tone. You have committed a serious infraction against
The Code, he indicated the document on the wall, by attacking a
senior member of this fraternity. As you are well aware, fighting at
any time is unacceptable, and, as an underclassman, your actions are
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all the more reprehensible. You are required, at all times, to give
older members of this fraternity your allegiance and your respect.
Regardless of the circumstances, he added as he saw the look of
protest on both his little brothers faces. In addition, your status on
the team and in the house as a member of the presidents line makes
it incumbent upon you to conduct yourself in a manner becoming to
that status; people will follow the example you set. All of these
circumstances have been duly taken into consideration, and it is the
consequent determination of the council that you shall receive
fifteen licks of the fraternity paddle, to be delivered on the bare, as
punishment for your rash behavior.
So many? Ryan gasped as the sentence was pronounced,
and his little brother shrank against him.
Steve, however, pressed on. Take your pants down,
Danny, he directed gently, and your shorts.
Danny covered his face again, and Ryan squeezed his
shoulders. Steve, meanwhile, busied himself pulling the chair away
from the head of the table, in an effort to alleviate some of his little
brothers embarrassment. Its ok, Bud, Ryan whispered. Were
going to get through this. Take your pants down. The words stuck
in his throat as he did his best to hold himself together for Dannys
sake.
It took Danny another couple of moments to gather his
courage, but his older brothers waited patiently, and finally he took a
deep breath and did what he had been asked to do. With trembling
fingers, he undid the button on his jeans, unzipped them, and shakily
lowered them along with his boxers to his ankles. Steve silently
indicated the end of the table, and, with Ryans help, Danny
positioned himself. Grasping the edges hard, he pressed his cheek
against the cool, flat surface, and closed his eyes. Ryan wordlessly
adjusted his t-shirt, raising it higher, and revealing the taught
muscular bottom already reddened from the earlier punishment.
Danny took a deep shuddering breath, and bit his lip as he felt his
big brothers arm encircle his waist.
Count the strokes, please, Dan, Steve commanded as he
drew his arm back. Dannys nod was nearly imperceptible as his
grip on the sides of the table tightened.
Breathe, Bro, Ryan advised anxiously as he saw his little
brothers bottom clench and his knuckles turn white, but it was no
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use.
WHACK! The paddle smacked down hard for the first time,
and Danny grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he fought to
hold back the tears. One, he croaked finally.
WHACK! AHHH! God! His fingers curled and his face
contorted. Two, he uttered through gritted teeth.
WHACK! Steve drove the paddle once more into Dannys
bottom, already deepening in color, and this time there was a long
pause before, Three, Danny finally managed in a small voice.
Ryan stole a glance at his little brothers tortured face and his
stomach lurched as he realized Danny was trying not to cry.
Youre ok, Dan, he comforted as tears welled in his own
eyes. Breathe, Bud. It will be better if you breathe. Danny took a
breath in his best effort to follow his brothers advice, but when he
let it go, it came out more as a mewling sob and he hid his face in
shame. Ryan bit his lip and rubbed his brothers back as Steve
paused.
Tears glistened in Steves eyes too as he waited for Danny to
collect himself. Their little brother was always trying to prove
himself to them. Academically, he had been on the straight and
narrow ever since the meeting the previous fall. He lived to impress
Ryan, and Steve knew deep down, though he didnt always
acknowledge it, that the kid was constantly seeking his approval as
well. He tried to force down the lump in his throat. To be
summoned and punished in the presence of one of your big brothers
was, no doubt, just as mortifying in some ways as it was comforting
in others. To have both your big brothers present was devastating,
Steve knew, especially when the chastisement was coming from one
of them. No one but the presidents brothers was expected to endure
such conditions, and Danny and Ryan had now been required to face
these circumstances twice. You ready, Bud? Steve asked quietly
at last and his voice, thankfully, remained steady.
Danny nodded into his arm, shifting slightly in an effort to
brace himself as Steve drew back his arm, and Ryan again gripped
his waist. WHACK! The paddle smacked down once more. Four!
came the choked and muffled response. WHACK! OWW! Danny
yelped, finally forgetting his dignity, as the fire in his bottom
became too much for him. Five, he sobbed. WHACK! AHHH!
Danny threw his head back as the next stroke landed. Six! he
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hissed through clenched teeth.

Hang in there, Bro, Ryans voice cracked.
It hurts, Ryan! It hurts so freakin bad!
I know it does, Bud. Just try to hang in.
WHACK! Dannys face contorted once more and it was a
moment before he could get the breath to whimper, Seven. Ryan
squeezed his arm in silent commiseration. WHACK! The eighth
smack caught Danny just below his bottom. OWWW! he
shrieked. God! Eight! Please, Steve! Please!
Youre doing fine, Dan, Steve soothed.
Easy for you to say! Danny snapped.
Try to relax, Bro, Steves voice too betrayed some
emotion now. This was so hard. He had been trying to pretend to
himself that this was like any other punishment, and for a while it
had been working, more or less, but now, the more agitated both
Danny and Ryan became, the harder it was to pretend. Its not going
to get easier, he thought. I just have to get it over with. He took a
deep breath as he drew the paddle back and WHACK! He drove it
hard once more into his little brothers bottom.
OWWW! Danny keened. Jesus Christ, Oww! Thats nine!
Please, Steve! Please!
He tried to reach back, but Ryan intercepted his hand. Not
yet, Bro, he directed as firmly as he could. Not yet.
Oh God, it hurts! It fucking hurts! Danny screamed as his
big brother pinned his hand to his side. WHACK! AHHH! Danny
tried to jump up, but Ryan held him firmly down. Ten! Danny
wailed. OWW! GOD! OWW!
Hang in there, Bro, just hang in there! Ryan finally lost it
completely as he looked at his little brothers red, inflamed bottom.
It looked so painful, and they still had five more strokes to go. Just
hang in there! he sobbed again. Steve bit his lip, but he knew the
best thing he could do was get on with it, so he once again drew
back his arm as Ryan held Danny as still as he possibly could and
both his little brothers sobbed out all their pain, guilt, and misery.

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File Twelve
The Revelation
A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of
ones heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle
hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and
with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
-George Eliot
The door closed behind his big brothers, and Kevin buried
his face in the comforter on Steves bed, pulling the pillows hard
down over his ears. Matt looked over with just a trace of
affectionate amusement and sighed as he made his way over to the
bed. This was a whole lot of drama as far as he was concerned over
what was a perfectly well deserved punishment. Come on, Bro,
he soothed as he sat down next to his youngest brother, its all right.
Theyll be all right.
Its not fair! came the mostly smothered reply.
How do you figure? Matt asked patiently, trying to bite
back the tiny smirk that pushed its way forward. The kid reminded
him so much of Danny.
Because! Kevin huffed. Mcarthys an A-hole!
Watch your language, Matt admonished softly.
Sorry! came the muted sob. But he is! And all he ever
does is run around and cause trouble for other people! He deserved
whatever he got, and I still dont even know what Danny and Ryan
did! he griped. Matt was silent. This was tricky territory they were
about to enter. Danny and Ryan had obviously not wanted their little
brother to know about the fight at all, let alone the circumstances
behind it. He didnt really feel it was his place to tell now.
They got in a fight, he hedged, finally.
I know! Kevin sobbed in frustration. But why? He
finally took his head out from under the pillows, and, hugging them
to him, he looked pleadingly at Matt. Why did they do it? he
asked. Matt regarded him quietly for a moment, and brought his
239

thumb up to wipe away the tears that were streaming down his little
brothers cheeks. There was no amusement in his expression now.
Please tell me, Matt, Kevin entreated softly. I already know it
was about me.
Kev, this wasnt your fault, Matt replied earnestly. This
war between Mcarthy and our brothers has been going on for four
years now, ever since Gregg and Steve came in together as
freshmen. You inherited it, Little Bro. Its got nothing to do with
you or anything you did. You were just the catalyst this time.
I know! Kevin protested fretfully once more. But I still
want to know what happened.
Matt looked at him for another moment and then held out his
arm. Come here, Bud, he encouraged softly. Kevin brushed at his
tears and then sat up, sliding into his oldest brothers comforting
embrace as Matt closed his arm around him. Do you have any idea
how proud our brothers are of you? he whispered as Kevin buried
his face in his shoulder. Kevin shook his head. Matt gave a little
half laugh. Well, Bro, Danny doesnt often utter more than a few
sentences at a time that dont contain your name. He squeezed
Kevins shoulder as his little brothers agitation increased. From
the very beginning of the semester, its been, Kevin this and Kevin
that. Did you see this? Did you know that? My little brother this, my
little brother that. Hes so gutsy, hes so fast, hes so smart . . . . By
the way, I hear you got an A from Merrick? Is that true? Kevin
couldnt help laughing a little as he brushed once more at his tears
and nodded into Matts shoulder. That is actually very impressive,
Kev. That man is, without question, the biggest hard ass on
campus. Matt was quiet for a moment, not quite sure how to say
what he had to say next. All semester long, Bud, he began quietly,
Danny was dreading The Meeting. Nobody looks forward to it of
course, but Ive never seen anyone so stressed about it as Danny
was, and the closer the two of you became, the more he agonized
about it. Ryan and Steve were very worried about him. Then, when
Danny found out your birthday was the Monday after the weekend
they had chosen, he moved Heaven and Earth trying to change it.
Every week, he and Steve were looking at the schedule in an attempt
to find an alternate time, but nothing good presented itself. Steve
wouldnt move it in the end, and Danny was livid. He and Ryan had
already purchased the jersey, and he had been so looking forward to
240

spending the day with you. Kevin began to sob harder, and a
tender smile flitted briefly across Matts face. Fingering the sleeve
of the garment that Kevin was at this moment wearing, he pulled his
distraught little brother closer, and let his chin drop to the top of his
head. The shirt was just over a week old, but it had already seen
more than its fair share of wear. Steve had told him hed gone
rounds with Kevin, just trying to get him to wash it.
The closer the day came, the more anxious Danny was
about it, Matt went on finally, and by the time the day arrived, he
was a wreck. Steve and Ryan tried to distract him with a pool game,
but you know how that turned out. He squeezed Kevins shoulder
once more. Danny was devastated to learn that you thought the
meeting was a party. Ryan, Sean, and Jesse were trying to reassure
him, but they werent very smart about where they did their talking.
A twinge of irritation entered his tone. A little foresight on Ryans
part, as the older of the two brothers, and the one who was thinking
more clearly at the time, could have prevented the whole disaster.
They were in the common room, and Mcarthy overheard them. He
heard you thought the meeting was going to be a party and that was
it. He jumped on the opportunity to bait Danny and Ryan, and after
stringing them along, finally announced your predicament to the
whole room. Danny and Ryan were, of course, both emotionally on
edge by that point and the rest is history, he concluded softly.
Kevin just continued to cry and Matt held him. He had, so
far, been mostly successful in his efforts to distract his little brother
from the punishment taking place. Now, however, the sounds from
the other room were becoming hard to ignore, and Kevin clung to
him, pressing his hand to his ear in an effort to drown out the
horrible noise.
It was just a few minutes later that the punishment finally
came to an end, but to Kevin those minutes were long and
agonizing. At last, Ryan and Steves comforting tones replaced the
other dreadful sounds that had been coming from inside the room.
Their soft voices were warm and reassuring, and as they floated
through the closed door into the bedroom, they had a
calming affect on their youngest brother. Matt kept his arm around
Kevin, gently prying his hand from his ear, and holding him close
until finally he felt him start to relax. Its ok, Little Bro, he
whispered consolingly. Its over, now.
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But what about Ryan? Kevin protested, pressing his face

into Matts chest.
Matt sighed. One thing at a time, Bud, he encouraged.
Lets just take one thing at a time. Dannys ok, and Ryan will be ok
too. All right? Its all right. He held tighter as Kevins sobs were
renewed in strength and intensity. For a long while they just sat
there. Matt had nothing more comforting to say, so he remained
silent, and finally, Kevin began to grow calmer once more. As he
did, he noticed that the room where his brothers were had grown
quiet too. Matt kept a comforting hand on his back as he brushed at
his tears and tried to get himself together.
A few minutes later, the door opened and Danny emerged,
white as a sheet, with his two big brothers behind him. Kevin, still
nestled against Matt, looked tentatively in his direction, and Danny
looked back, meeting his little brothers eyes, just briefly, before he
looked down at the floor. Sensing immediately, the awkwardness
that Danny and Kevin were both bound to be feeling, Matt kept his
arm around his youngest brother and called his other little brother to
him. Come here, Bro, he encouraged softly, and tears filled
Dannys eyes. He just wanted to get to the bed with as much of his
dignity in tact as possible, and his little brothers presence at the
moment was mortifying to him. Taking a deep breath, he started to
limp his way slowly towards his oldest brother.
Ryan too bit his lip. He was carrying Dannys jeans in his
hands (Danny had insisted on putting his boxers back on), and as
Danny made his way towards Matt, he carefully folded them and
placed them on Steves desk, trying not to watch the movements that
told how much pain his little brother was in. Matts brow furrowed
as he regarded his two little brothers. Their pallid faces testified to
the amount of emotion they were trying to contain and Matt was a
firm believer in talking things through. Better out than in was his
motto, always.
He stood up as Danny finally reached the bed, and wrapped
him in his arms, while silently encouraging Kevin, who looked
petrified now, to stay where he was. You all right? he whispered
as Danny pressed against him and hid his face. Danny started to
nod, but broke down in the middle, and Matt tightened his arms.
Ok, Bud. Its ok. Just let it go. Its over now. Here, come here.
He settled with Danny on the bed as his little brother really started to
242

sob, and placing one hand on Kevin to keep him beside him, he kept
his other arm around his chastened little brother, rubbing his back
soothingly and murmuring the words of forgiveness he knew Danny
so wanted to hear.
Steve and Ryan watched from the side, their hearts in their
throats; they felt powerless. Steve placed his hand on Ryans
shoulder, but Ryan jerked away from him, balling his fists at his
sides. Steves stomach turned and he looked away quickly, his eyes
burning. As occupied as he seemed, the interaction did not go
unnoticed by Matt, and it certainly did nothing to help Ryan gain his
oldest brothers empathy.
For several long minutes, Danny just continued to cry, no
longer holding anything back as Matt whispered soothingly to him.
Finally, as he began to grow calmer, Matt, with Kevins help, pulled
the blankets back from the bed and gently coaxed Danny to lie
down. No! Danny protested as Matt determinedly slipped his
fingers inside the waistband of his little brothers boxers.
Come on, Bro, Matt urged softly. Let me see.
No, Matt, please! Danny wailed as he stubbornly held onto
the elastic.
Theres no reason to keep them on, Bud, Matt responded
patiently. They are causing you unnecessary discomfort, and theres
no one here you need to impress, he assured quietly, and finally,
letting go with a sob, Danny lifted his hips, so Matt could pull his
underwear off of him.
Kevin was so traumatized by the sight of his big brothers
blistered and inflamed bottom, and Matts next actions were so
business-like and matter of fact that it never occurred to Kevin to
wonder about them. His eyes were on Danny as Matt leaned across
him and opened the drawer in the nightstand from which he
produced a huge bottle of aloe. Never did Kevin wonder why Steve
had such an item, nor did he see any of the other items the drawer
contained. He had eyes and thoughts only for his brother at the
moment, and anything that could take away some of the intense pain
and discomfort Danny was feeling was the most welcome and
natural thing in the world as far as he was concerned.
Danny had buried his face in the pillows by now and Kevin
shyly brought his hand up to brush the hair from his big brothers
forehead. Danny responded automatically to the soothing touch, so,
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feeling encouraged, Kevin continued to let his fingers trail lightly

through his hair as Matt squirted a generous amount of the soothing
gel into his hand and applied it quickly and efficiently to Dannys
bruised and burning bottom.
The aloe didnt do much, frankly, to alleviate the powerful
sting, but the act in itself was comforting and it helped at least to
take the edge off. Danny was still sobbing softly into the pillows as
Matt covered him carefully with the sheet and set the aloe on the
nightstand. He then looked reassuringly once more at Kevin. Hes
ok, Bud, he whispered in response to the uncertainty that lingered
in his youngest brothers eyes. You can put some more of that, he
indicated the aloe and Kevin followed his gaze, on him in a bit if
you want to, but hes going to be ok.
Ryan had been hanging back until now, still fighting with his
emotions as he watched the scene around the bed. He had been
hesitant to approach both because he did not want to embarrass
Danny any further, and because he had known all along that Matt
was more upset with him than he was with Danny. Now that the
hour of retribution had arrived, he was feeling wary of his oldest
brother. As Matt was talking to Kevin, however, he approached the
bed timidly on the other side, and sitting down next to Danny, he
placed his hand soothingly on his little brothers back. Feeling his
big brothers touch, Danny began to sob harder and he turned to
bury his face in Ryans lap.
It was more than Steve could take. He turned away quickly
in an effort to mask his own feelings, but he was not fast enough to
evade his big brothers observant eyes. Matt watched as, a moment
later, Steve disappeared into the Correction Room and he sighed to
himself. Its time, he thought as he looked once more at Danny
and Ryan. He waited patiently for another moment or two, keeping
his eyes steadily on Ryan as he gave his two disgraced brothers a
chance to get themselves together. Kevin, seeing the expression on
Matts face now, concentrated hard on the floor, not daring to look
anywhere else.
Come on, Ryan, lets go, Matt prompted at last, sensing
that his little brother was stalling now. Ryan flushed, but finally he
raised his eyes and Matt looked sternly at him. You and I have a
lot to talk about tonight, young man. Theres no sense in putting it
off any longer. Ryans eyes filled again and Matt felt a pang
244

despite himself. Lets just get it over with, Bro., ok? Ryan
nodded and brushed at his cheeks. He tried to stand up, but Danny
clung to him.
No! he wailed. No, please!
Let go, Dan, Matt directed firmly. He was in no mood for
further dramatics at the moment and, sensing it, Danny did as he
was told, turning his face back into the pillows and hugging them
close as he sobbed.
Kevin bit his lip and placed his hand once more on the back
of Dannys head. He avoided Ryans eyes as his older brother came
around the bed to stand in front of Matt, but Ryan called his name
softly as Matt got to his feet. Take care of him, Kid, ok? he
requested brokenly as Kevin tentatively looked up at him. Ok? he
repeated as Matt took him by the arm, and finally Kevin nodded,
looking down again as Matt escorted his older brother towards the
Correction Room.

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File Thirteen
The Storm Before the Calm
"Extraordinary afflictions are not always the punishment
of extraordinary sins, but sometimes the trial of
extraordinary graces."
-Matthew Henry (Matthew Henrys Commentary on the
Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume).
I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to
handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you
sure as hell dont deserve me at my best.
-Marilyn Monroe
Oww! Ryan complained under his breath as Matt hauled
him across the room. Jesus Christ, Matt! Ok! Let me go! He tried
to pull his arm away, but Matt only tightened his grip as he stopped
in front of the Correction Room door.
Look at me, he commanded his little brother icily as Ryan
tried once more to free himself from his vice-like grip, and with a
petulant scowl, Ryan obeyed.
Sorry, he muttered automatically as stony blue eyes met
his own.
You are in a lot of trouble already, Little Bro, Matt
admonished, so, in the interest of not adding to your difficulties, I
suggest you rethink your attitude.
Ok. Sorry, Ryan mumbled again with more genuine
contrition, his eyes brimming. He hadnt really meant to resist in the
first place. It was just so hard to be manhandled that way in front of
his little brothers.
Ok, then, Matt softened his tone. The first thing you are
going to do before anything else, when we get in there, is fix things
with Steve . . . . Ryan looked away, chewing his lip. I understand
your feelings about Danny, Bro, but you both brought these
consequences on yourselves. Steve had nothing to do with it, and the
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way you and I are about to talk, you cannot afford to push him away.
Do you hear me?
Ryan was still gnawing on his lower lip in an effort not to
cry, but he nodded in response to his older brothers question. All
right, Bud, Matt encouraged more empathetically, lets go. He
moved his hand from Ryans arm to his shoulder as he opened the
door and, steering his little brother before him, he once more entered
the most forbidding room in the house, pulling the door softly shut
behind him.
Steve was slumped at the table, his back to the door, his head
propped against his hand. He stood quickly, however, and turned to
face his brothers as he heard the door click shut. Ryan was still
fighting back the tears raised by Matts stern rebuke and Steves
stomach twisted once more as he looked at him. Wordlessly, he held
out his arm, and his little brother went to him, snuggling against
him, and burying his face.
Im sorry, Ryan choked as Steve closed his arm around
him, and pressed his cheek to the top of his head.
I know you are, Steve whispered.
I was just so worried about Danny!
I know, Bro, Steve repeated softly. Its ok.
A long silence went by as Ryan tried to gather the courage to
ask the question foremost on his mind. Are you going to cane me?
he squeaked, finally, and tentatively he raised his eyes to meet those
of his big brother.
Neither Matt nor Steve was prepared for such a forthright
question. Silence filled the room once more, and Steve swallowed
hard as he looked into the imploring blue eyes. That was all the
answer Ryan needed. He hid his face again, pressing it hard into his
big brothers shoulder as tears started to streak his cheeks.
Oh, Ry, Steve couldnt help the sigh that escaped as he
pulled his little brother closer.
Matt, too, sighed a little and pulled a chair out from the table.
Have a seat, Bro, he commanded gently, but Ryan did not appear
to hear him. All he had been thinking about, since the moment he
had seen it, was that cane. Even as he had tried to focus on Danny
and support him, that dreadful implement had loomed behind him,
its presence taunting him with the consequences he himself would
soon have to face. Now, it had finally succeeded in driving every
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other thought from his mind, and though he heard the direction Matt
had given him, he just could not let go of his big brother.
When patient waiting produced no further success, Steve, at
Matts silent behest, pulled a chair for himself from the table behind
them, and, easing Ryan down into the chair Matt had previously
pulled, he sat too. Come on, Bro, he coaxed quietly, as Matt took a
chair and sat down across from them. We need to talk about this.
Why? Ryan rubbed his eyes on his sleeve in a vain attempt
to stop his tears. His brothers were still waiting patiently, but he
could feel their eyes on him. What is there to talk about? he
croaked, finally, his cheeks burning.
We need you to understand some things, Ry, Steve
responded softly.
I know why Im in trouble! Ryan protested huskily. I got
in a fight with Mcarthy! Can we just do this please? And get it over
with?
Do you understand why you are in more trouble than
Danny? Matt asked gently.
Yes, Ryan choked, because Im older.
Well, Bud, Matt agreed quietly, thats true. You are older,
and, consequently, you should have known better, but there is a lot
more to it than that. Its not just that you are older, you are also
Dannys big brother, and on the night in question, especially, it was
your job to be looking out for him.
I was looking out for him! Ryan returned indignantly, his
eyes flashing. I always look out for him! The smart of that
accusation was beyond any that had so far been leveled at him, and
he swiped bitterly at his cheeks. Steve looked down, pursing his lips.
He knew and understood how very seriously Ryan took his
responsibilities as Dannys big brother.
I know you try to, Matt acknowledged. His concerned eyes
strayed in his little brothers direction, but Steve would not look at
him. I know how very much you care about Danny; he is very
lucky to have you for a big brother. I know that you look out for
him the best way you can and I know how much you want to protect
him from everyone and anything that might hurt him. It is the way
you were looking out for him in this instance that we have to talk
about.
What do you mean? Ryan demanded hoarsely.
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These circumstances were one hundred percent foreseeable

and preventable, Bud, Matt scolded. What on earth possessed you
all to be talking about Kevins situation in the middle of the
common room to begin with, huh? Ryan bit his lip and bowed his
head. That was a point he had never thought about. I know that
Danny was not thinking clearly, and thats understandable. It was on
you to stop that conversation, Ry. Instead you perpetuated it.
Im sorry! Ryan huffed, swiping desperately once more at
his cheeks.
You know the rules about fighting, Bro, Matt continued.
You lost your head and got right in the middle of a situation that
should never have taken place to begin with.
Ok! Ryan covered his face with his hands. I know! Im
sorry!
The worst part, though, is that a few weeks later, when you
already knew you were facing consequences for your part in the first
fiasco, you went after Mcarthy again. That shows a blatant lack of
respect for The Code, and a lack of self control that, as a quality in
one who is in line for the presidency, is particularly disturbing. That
is the part I cannot get over, Ry, Matt reiterated quietly. And, he
added softly, that is what the council had a hard time getting past as
well. Ryan didnt respond, so finally Matt continued in as gentle a
tone as possible. There were those on the council, Bud, who
wanted to call another mandatory meeting, who thought you should
be held publicly accountable. And then there were those who
thought you should step down, that another junior should assume the
presidency next year in your place . . . .
Fine by me! Ryan spat, finally looking up. Who wants to
be president, anyway? All it does is bring stress and misery, and Im
obviously going to suck at it so maybe that would be best.
Nonsense, Bro, Matt chided. You are not going to suck at
it. Jay and I picked you for good reasons. What do you think hed
say if he heard you talking like that, huh? Ryan couldnt answer.
You have worked very hard to get where you are both on the team
and in the house, and I think you are going to be a very good
president. Neither Steve nor I were ok with either of the above
suggestions, and it would have been a cold day in hell before we
allowed either of those things to happen. Steve would have stepped
down first, he added quietly.
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Youre damn right I would have! Steve seethed. Matt shot

him a warning glance and Steve looked away. He knew getting
emotional now himself was just about the last thing that would help
Ryan, but this was so hard. It was so much harder than he had even
imagined it would be. If only Mcarthy had thrown a punch, he
thought sourly, just one fucking God damn punch! Maybe then he
would have had a little more bargaining power. Maybe he could
have been more help to his little brothers, more help especially to
Ryan. This is all my fault, he rebuked himself for the hundredth
time. Its all my fucking fault! And I cant do even one friggin
thing to make it better.
The bitter inner battle waged on and Matt cursed silently to
himself as he returned his eyes to his beleaguered younger brother.
He knew his own little brother well enough to know exactly what
direction Steves thoughts were taking at the moment, but this was
neither the time nor the place for him to address it.
You and Danny have a lot of friends, Ry, he went on at last
in the same reassuring tone, and we had to have more than one
meeting, believe me, because the situation was so emotionally
charged. There were those who felt that to punish the two of you
without punishing Mcarthy was the very height of injustice, but he
didnt throw the first punch, did he? Matt paused, but Ryan had
drawn up his knees and hidden his face again by that time, and he
got no response. No, Matt finally answered his own question, as
Ryan brushed surreptitiously once more at the tears that were
streaking his cheeks, nor did he return the punches that were
thrown. This is the compromise, Bud, understand? It wasnt my first
choice, and it certainly wasnt Steves . . . . Matt glanced once more
in his little brothers direction. This time, Steve caught and held his
eyes.
No, he agreed softly. No, it was not my first choice, for
sure. But . . . look at me, Bro, he commanded. Ryan tentatively
lifted his head, doing his best to meet his big brothers eyes as he
continued to swipe futilely at his cheeks. What you did, Steve
went on, looking earnestly into his little brothers anguished face, is
very serious, Ry. It goes against everything this fraternity stands for.
The council, his voice cracked, has placed you on probation.
Ryan looked down again, pressing his face into his knees. This
cant happen again, Bud, Steve admonished huskily. If it does, you
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will be forced to step aside. Maybe thats not a big deal to you, but
it is to me and Matt, and you know it would be to Jay. That is why,
after listening to the other alternatives, we agreed to do this. We
have to make sure this doesnt happen again, Ry, understand? Ryan
nodded into his knees, but he didnt look up.
Silently, Matt and Steve waited once more, but at last, when
it became clear that Ryan had nothing more to say, Matt got to his
feet and turned with a reluctant heart to take the cane from the wall.
As he did, Ryan dropped his feet to the floor and clutched the sides
of his head. Steve stood then too, and pulled his little brother up and
into his arms. Im here, he whispered as Ryan laid his head against
his shoulder. Ryan clung to him, rubbing his face on his shirt, and
pressing into his chest as Matt turned to face them. Im going to
get you through this, Bro, Steve whispered. I promise.
Matt waited, cane in hand, until Ryan had calmed some, but
finally he knew the best thing he could do for both his brothers was
to get this over with. He did not have the heart to demand that Ryan
turn completely and face him to receive the sentence as was the
tradition. He, however, did feel it important to have some of his
little brothers attention. Look at me please, Ry, he directed softly,
and obediently, Ryan did so. Steve tightened his arm, and brought
his thumb up to gently wipe away the tears that were still streaking
his little brothers face. Ryan Justin Sanderson, Matt began in the
same official tone Steve had used with Danny. You have committed
a serious infraction against The Code by attacking a senior member
of this fraternity. Fighting at any time is not permitted, as you know,
and as the presidents immediate successor your actions are
inexcusable. The council has consequently placed you on probation.
Any further incidents of this type will result in the loss of your
position as well as possible expulsion from the fraternity. As
punishment for this violation, it is the decree of the council that you
shall receive twelve strokes of the cane, six for each attack, to be
delivered on the bare. Over the table, Ry, he commanded softly at
last.
It was amazing how terrible and yet how calming those
words were to Ryan. Twelve strokes was so much! It was so much,
but in a few minutes, now, this whole big nightmare would be over.
Ryan hid his face once more, balled his fists in Steves shirt, and
then with one deep, shaky breath, he exhaled weeks worth of
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anticipation and guilt.

Its all right, Steve whispered as Matt began pulling the
chairs away. Ryan was still clinging to him, and, sensing his little
brothers inability to process the direction he had been given, Steve
turned him and gently guided him over the table. Its going to be
all right, he promised once more into his ear. With another deep
breath, Ryan closed his eyes. He felt his brothers soothing hand
leave his back and his stomach began to churn as Steve made his
way to the other side of the table. A moment later he felt his big
brother grip his hands reassuringly, and he shivered as Matt lowered
his shorts to expose his bottom, still vaguely pink from the previous
paddling hed received.
Count the strokes, please, Ry, his oldest brother directed
firmly and Ryan clutched Steves hands harder as he felt the cool
lithe wood against his skin. He thought of Kevin and Danny in the
other room and bit hard on his lip. I wont cry, I wont cry, I wont
cry . . ., he promised himself. He felt his buttocks clench
involuntarily as Matt drew back. He was trying to relax, he knew it
would be better if he did, but it was so hard.
The next moment the cane slashed down and Ryans face
contorted as it contacted him squarely in the center of his bottom.
One, he hissed as he finally got his breath. It hurt more than he
possibly could have ever imagined. With barely a pause, Matt
aimed the next stroke below the first and Ryan inhaled sharply,
gritting his teeth as it landed. Two, he managed finally. Whoosh
Crack! The cane came down again. AH! Ryan grimaced.
Three! Whoosh Crack! The cane snapped down, and Ryan threw
his head back, trying his hardest to bear the excruciating burn
quietly. Four, he uttered shakily, at last. Other than the silent
tears streaking his face and the purple marks beginning to form on
his big brothers hands, there was nothing so far to indicate the
agonizing pain he was in. He had, so far, kept his resolve. The next
stroke, however, caught him just below his bottom and he screamed,
frantically pulling at his brothers hands. Jesus! he exclaimed.
Thats five! God! Thats five! he yanked hard on Steves hands
once more.
Determinedly, Steve held on. His throat and stomach
tightened as Ryan crumpled in frustration against the table, and he
squeezed his little brothers hands consolingly, but he was resolved
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not to let go. He would not allow this horrible punishment to go on

one moment more than was necessary, and allowing Ryan a break
now would only make the rest of the punishment harder. Hang in
there, Ry, he coaxed, tears welling in his eyes. Youre doing
great. The genuine pride in his big brothers tone caused Ryan to
relax slightly and he clutched Steves hands tighter. He could do
this. He took another little breath. With his big brother beside him,
he could do anything.
Matt did not slow longer than was necessary for Steve to
help still Ryans movement. He too was determined to get this over
with. He was an experienced disciplinarian and he knew that long
pauses only added to the anxiety and suffering of the one being
punished. With his little brother on the receiving end, therefore, he
was especially determined to keep things moving.
Whoosh Crack! Ahhh! Ryan threw his head back. God!
he uttered through clenched teeth. Six! Woosh Crack! The cane
whipped down again, catching him once more on the tender
underside of his bottom and he shrieked. Owww! Owww! Jesus
Christ, OWWW! Matt, please! please! Im sorry!
Tears started to streak Steves cheeks as he tightened his hold
on Ryans wrists. His little brothers nails were digging into his
hands, now, but he hardly felt that.
Matt bit his lip, but he pressed on. What stroke was that,
Ry? he prompted quietly.
Seven! Ryan sobbed. Matt drew back again and panic set
in. No, Matt! Please! Please! He tried to rise up but Steves firm
grip kept him down.
Stay still, Bro, stay still, Im here . . ., Steve encouraged
brokenly. Ryan took a deep, calming breath and did his best to
listen. The moment he became still, the cane landed.
Eight! he screeched. Oww! Oww! he writhed against
the table, pulling hard against Steves hands.
Hold him, Matt directed firmly. Steves jaw clenched and
his eyes burned as a flood of resentment washed over him, but he
took a firmer grip on Ryans arms as Matt aimed the next stroke.
No! No! Matt, please! Ryan protested as he felt the cane
press warningly into his raw and tender skin. Please! he pleaded
desperately as Matt drew back. It was to no avail; a moment later the
cane fell. Nine! Ryan screamed. OWW! God it hurts! It hurts!
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Gone, now, was the resolve to bear the punishment quietly. Gone
were his thoughts for Danny and Kevin. Gone were his thoughts for
anything but the searing pain, now growing more intense with each
angry red line that was raised.
Its all right, its all right, Steve tried to soothe but his
voice cracked as Ryan pulled once more at his hands.
Matt too was affected. His face was ashen, and his stomach
clenched as he thought of his two youngest brothers in the next
room. How were they handling this? And, his brow puckered,
the soundproofing couldnt possibly be blocking all this, could it?
He took in the swollen, inflamed state of Ryans bottom, and paused
as his younger brothers choking sobs continued to fill the room.
Steve was having an awful time containing him now as he fought to
get his hands free, and as Matts eyes settled on his own little
brother, he made up his mind. Two more, Ry, he encouraged,
just two more and then its over, ok? Steve looked up gratefully to
meet Matts eyes. Hang in there, Matt mouthed and Steve nodded,
taking a breath as he grasped Ryans hands tighter in his own. Ryan
too became calmer as he felt his big brothers reassuring grip. Two
more, he thought. Two more strokes. He could take two more.
He pressed his cheek hard into the table and gritted his teeth,
determined to bear these final strokes quietly. The supple wood
grazed his skin briefly, and Ryan tensed as Matt drew back his arm.
Then, Whoosh Crack! The cane connected, Ryans face contorted,
and he inhaled sharply as the piercing burn shot through his nether
region. There was a long pause as he fought for breath. Ten! he
eked out, finally. Steve squeezed his little brothers hands hard
again as Ryan crumpled once more on the table, and Matts voice,
when he spoke, was filled with potent empathy.
Last one, bro, he prodded gently. Are you ready?
Matt received no verbal response, but Ryan gripped Steves
hands harder, and then gave an almost imperceptible nod. Once
again, Matt aimed, fighting down the feeling of intense pity sparked
as his little brothers buttocks clenched. Determined to get it over
with, he drew back his arm, and Whoosh Crack! The final stroke cut
Ryan under his bottom and he reared up, nearly pulling Steve across
the table as he grimaced, and struggled for breath. Eleven! he
uttered, at last. Oh God! Thats Eleven! he sobbed. Steve let go
of Ryans hands, then, and as his little brother collapsed on the table
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in front of him, he too fell apart.

Matt placed the cane back where it belonged and turned to
face his brothers. They had never needed him more. Ryan was
spent. He was too emotionally exhausted and in too much pain to
move. He had no energy even to try and soothe the overpowering
burn in his bottom. Matt looked briefly at Steve, but he was faring
little better than Ryan, and so without another thought, Matt took
charge.
Come on, Little Bro, he coaxed, placing a reassuring hand
on Ryans back. Youre all right. Come on, now. Keeping his
hand on his little brothers back and pinning his t-shirt so it would
not brush his tender bottom, Matt raised Ryan slowly to his feet and
wrapped him in his arms. Thats it, he soothed as his little brother
snuggled against him. Thats it. Youre all right, he whispered
again as Ryan clung to him. You ready to get out of here? Ryan
nodded against his chest. Go on and step out of your shorts, then.
With slow, excruciating movements, Ryan did as Matt had directed,
and, with the effortless movements of a well-conditioned linebacker,
Matt lowered his shoulder and scooped his little brother up. Ryans
510, 185 pound frame was nothing to his oldest brother who was
64 and nearly 250 pounds. The intense pain Ryan was now
experiencing made him nearly insensible to this newest assault on
his dignity, and he did not protest in any way. Matt, after all, was
his brother; he trusted him, and as hard as Matt could be, Ryan knew
how very fond his oldest brother was of him.
Matt carried Ryan towards a black curtained doorway at the
end of the small room, and Steve followed close behind. The room
they entered now, as Matt pushed aside the curtain, was even smaller
than the one they were leaving. It had at one time been a tiny sun
room connecting Steves bedroom with the sitting room. It had been
closed in with the sitting room and soundproofed for use as a
recovery room. Matt flipped the switch on the wall as they entered,
shedding a dim amount of light on the rooms furnishings which
were sparse, but comfortable. There was a long, somewhat ratty
looking sofa against the far wall completed by an end table with a
small lamp. There was a card table that looked as though it had seen
better days, two overstuffed armchairs, and one or two other rickety
chairs of varying sorts placed in no particular order around the
room. A small half bath had also been added somewhere along the
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way, much to the relief of the countless numbers of young Rho Beta
Chi members who had since found themselves in need of it. A sink,
in moments like these, was a priceless commodity when ones image
was on the line. Those who had done without in the past knew all
too well just how priceless it was, and had contributed readily to
give their younger brothers that luxury of which they themselves
had been deprived.
Of all those who had benefited, though, from the generosity
of the previous classes, no one had yet been more grateful for this
particular item than Matt was now as he deposited his little brother
carefully on the sofa. He looked at the angry welts that crisscrossed
Ryans backside and turned quickly for the bathroom as Steve, who
had recovered somewhat by now, dropped to his knees by Ryans
head, stroking his hair and talking softly to him.
Matt shut the door behind him and pressed his hands to his
face as a surge of emotion overcame him. After a moment, he
moved to the sink, filled it with cold water and splashed the cool
liquid against his warm cheeks, contemplating his pallid complexion
in the tiny cracked mirror. What would Jason say if he was here? He
bit his lip as he turned the water off. Well, it had to be done. He
knew that. A serious infraction such as the one Ryan had committed
demanded a serious punishment to go with it. Even Jason couldnt
argue with that. Then again . . . .
But he is our little brother! Matt could just hear the
indignant lecture now. How could you, Matt? How could you
stomach this? It was the decision of the council! Matts inner
voice argued. Someone had to carry it out, and Steve certainly
wasnt going to be up to it. Would you have preferred Ryan to be
summoned before the council for punishment? Or perhaps you
would have been with those hounding us to call another Meeting.
Maybe, after all the time weve spent with him, you would have
liked to see him relinquish the presidency? Is that what you want,
Jay? Because thats the position we were in! Why get the council
involved at all, Matthew? You know my feelings about that! Yes, I
do know your feelings about that, Jay. Youve made them very plain
on more than one occasion, but there are times when its involvement
is an unavoidable necessity. You know that!
Another wave of emotion rolled over Matt as he realized he
was having a full blown argument in his head, and tears stung his
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eyes. The truth was he wanted his older brothers advice. For
nearly a month now, Matt had been the rock solid one, the one all his
brothers had leant on. He knew Jason wouldnt be happy with the
situation, but he could have taken some of the pressure off at any
rate. He sighed. There was no sense playing the what if game.
The fact was he was the only one here. His brothers needed him,
and he would see them through this.
He opened the cupboard beneath the sink and pulled out the
shallow white basin he had placed there weeks ago. He had never
had any doubts as to the condition his little brother would be in after
enduring such a punishment. He and Steve had fought hard for their
little brother when the council was convened, harder than they had
even let on. To say that the cane was not their first choice was a
complete understatement of the matter. They had, in fact, been
vehemently opposed. The first meeting had nearly come to blows,
and Steve had been on the point of relinquishing his own position
more than once. When Matt and Steve had both flatly refused the
Mandatory Meeting, the cane had been raised as a possibility, but
the council had originally proposed that the sentence be carried out
in their presence. All hell had broken loose then. He and Steve had
once again refused to consider such an idea and accusations of
favoritism had been quick to fly. A few had stood with them (enough
to keep the motion from passing), but any close friends Ryan and
Danny had on the council had been excluded from these
proceedings.
Things had gotten extremely ugly and Steve himself had at
one point been threatened with eviction. This was as close to a
compromise as they had gotten and Matt, after hours of debate,
had finally caved in. The only way he would allow it to occur, he
had insisted, was if he and Steve were allowed to carry it out in
private. His had been the swing vote that allowed the motion to pass
and Steve had been furious with him. Matt had known in his heart,
however, that no good would come of further argument, and weeks
of exhausting, emotionally intense conversation had finally brought
Steve round to the same point of view. They had done the best for
their little brother that they could, the best that any big brother could
do.
Matt sighed as he took a fresh wash cloth from the basket
sitting on the back of the toilet. He filled the basin with cool water,
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and then, opening the door he made his way carefully back to his
little brothers. Steve, now collected for the most part, was still
kneeling on the floor next to Ryan, his hand rubbing gentle circles
on his little brothers back. Ryan had his face in the pillows. He
was still crying, but he too had calmed considerably. How we
feelin, Bro? Matt inquired gently as he set the basin on the
nightstand.
Like shit! Ryan sobbed into the cushions.
Matt bit his lip. What a stupid question! he berated himself
as he pulled up a chair and sat down. He turned on the small lamp
so he could see better, and then looked at Steve as he took the wash
cloth in his hand, dipped it in the water, and wrung it out. You
might want to sit up there with him, he suggested softly, indicating
the couch. Steve nodded and without hesitation moved up to sit by
his little brother. Placing a pillow against his chest, he gathered Ryan
in his arms and Ryan clung to him.
Im sorry! he choked. Im so sorry for everything!
I know, Bro, Steve reassured, softly. I know. Its over
now. Youre ok. Steve hugged his little brother close and Ryan let
go, unleashing now weeks worth of pent up emotion. Shhhh . . .
Its ok. Youre ok, Steve crooned. Ryan was unable to hear any of
the words his big brother was saying, but he found comfort, all the
same, in his gentle tone.
Without a word, Matt placed the wet cloth back in the basin.
The physical wound cleaning could wait. The cleansing that was
taking place now was of a much more important kind. For the better
part of an hour, Ryan cried, and Steve held him, whispering in tones
not even Matt could hear. Matt waited through that entire time,
watching his two younger brothers with quiet affection from the
side, and giving them the time to themselves that they so sorely
needed.
Finally, Ryan began to calm again under the soothing
attention from his older brother. It was only when the emotional
storm had passed completely, however, that Matt finally picked up
the wash cloth once more and began the slow, painstaking process of
cleaning the welts. He took great care to be as gentle as possible,
dabbing the blood away with the cloth and trying his best not to
aggravate the open wounds, but at times it was unavoidable.
Sorry, Bro, sorry, he soothed each time Ryan winced.
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Steve was still holding his little brother close and he

tightened his arm each time Ryan gritted his teeth. Its ok, Bud,
he assured, its ok. Its almost over.
Ryan himself was overcome by a mixture of emotions he
could not even understand at the moment. He was exhausted more
than anything, sad, embarrassed, remorseful, angry, hurt, relieved,
comforted, and in some odd way, content. Strangely in fact, weary
contentment was the dominant emotion of the moment. His brothers
were being exceptionally attentive, and despite the great physical
pain he was feeling, their comforting words and thoughtful gestures
brought him great peace of mind. It was over. He had been forgiven
and things would be ok, now. The throbbing pain was beginning to
subside some. The cool cloth was feeling good to his battered skin.
He yawned and nestled closer to Steve as he felt his brothers fingers
brushing lightly once more through his hair. His eyes began to
droop and as he was drifting off, he thought for the first time of his
little brothers. I hope theyre ok, he worried. I hope Danny is ok .
. . . The thought had barely crossed his mind before sleep overtook
him. Lulled by his brothers soft voice and gentle touch, he could
keep his eyes open no longer and before he had a chance to wonder
anymore about his younger brothers he was asleep.
Steve met Matts eyes as Matt quietly turned off the lamp.
Its the best thing for him, Matt whispered and Steve nodded.
Matt pulled down the light cotton blanket that was draped over the
back of the couch and loosely covered his sleeping younger brother,
tucking the end of the blanket between the wall and the couch and
creating a makeshift tent, being careful all the time not to let the
blanket touch the tender area.
When he was finally satisfied that his little brother was as
comfortable as he could make him, he turned again to face Steve.
Im going to go check on the other two miscreants, he said softly,
and make sure theyre ok. Im sure Dannys getting ready to break
the door in. Steve swallowed and nodded. He also was worried
about his two youngest brothers. When I come back, we are going
to clean and bandage those hands of yours, ok? Steve nodded again
and tears slipped slowly down his cheeks as he looked at the nasty
purple and red marks left by Ryans nails. He hadnt really
considered them before. The little pain they caused him was nothing
to what his heart had been through today. And anyway, he felt like
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he deserved it.
Hey, Matts voice derailed the train of self-deprecating
thought that was just beginning to form, and Steve looked up at him,
tears glistening in his eyes. You did great, Matt whispered. Steve
nodded and wiped at his tears as he felt his big brothers hand on his
shoulder. Ill be back soon, Matt assured softly, and well talk
more then, ok? Steve nodded again, afraid to test his voice, and as
he snuggled down closer to Ryan, Matt turned towards the door. He
hated to leave, but his two youngest brothers needed somebody and
the quicker he got Danny and Kevin settled, the quicker he could
return to his own little brother, and some much needed quality time.
He turned one more time, as he stepped through the door, but
Steve was no longer looking his way, and tears were streaming down
his cheeks now as he cuddled Ryan close. Matt bit his lip, and
paused, his hand on the curtain. He knew how much self-blame was
in those tears, but that discussion would have to wait. It would do no
good to try and get into it now. Decidedly, he drew the curtain
closed and headed for the door leading to the bedroom. He paused
once more as he reached it, and pressed his ear to the wood.
Everything seemed quiet, too quiet. He sighed. What would he find
on the other side of the door? He knew better than to equate the
silence with any kind of encouraging or positive sign. With those
two, its more likely to be the calm before the storm, he thought
drolly, and then he opened the door.

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File Fourteen
Reflections Prompted
By a Proverb
From To a Mouse
By: Robert Burns
But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft a-gley.

40

An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain

For promised joy.
Matt had been prepared for anything when he opened the
door. Kevin and Danny would mow him down (or try to) he was
sure in their efforts to get to Ryan. He was prepared to deal with
that. He was prepared to deal with the screaming tantrums, the
expletives, the seething rage he was sure they would unleash on him.
He was not prepared, however, for the situation that was now facing
him.
A thick blanket of silence still hung in the air and quietly
Matt drew a chair up beside the bed where both his younger brothers
lay motionless, their heads shoved as far under the pillows and
blankets as they could go. Except for the slight movement of the
bed spread as their shoulders rose and fell, Matt would not have
been sure at all that either of them was breathing. He leaned on his
knees and looked thoughtfully at them, hoping he would not have to
speak first. He really didnt know what to say.
Several minutes passed in this manner and Matt began to
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grow anxious. It was so hard to begin. He didnt want to say

something that would only make things worse and he had no clues
to help guide his words. What had they heard? How much? What
could he possibly say/do to make it better? It would be so much
easier if they were raging at him. That he could handle. Are you
guys all right? he asked softly at last. It was a moment before he
got any response at all, but finally, Kevin took his head out from
under the pillows and turned his face towards him. Matt swallowed
hard as he looked back into the puffy red eyes. Hey, Bud, he
greeted gently.
Is it over? Kevin whispered, hugging the pillows to his
chest.
Yeah, Bud, its over, Matt assured quietly.
Is he ok? Kevin inquired hoarsely.
Yeah, Bro. Hes all right. Kevin pressed his face back into
the pillows, and there was once again nothing but silence. Tell me
what youre thinking guys, Matt urged softly.
YoudontwannaknowwhatImthinking, Dannys muffled sob
was the only answer he got and it was nearly unintelligible but Matt,
knowing his younger brother as he did, was able to piece the words
together.
Yes, I do, Dan, he replied quietly. Tell me.
No! Ill just get in more trouble!
Matt bit his lip. He certainly didnt want his younger
brothers to be afraid to tell him how they were feeling. He was a big
proponent of open communication. He was going to have to try and
teach them all the difference between being honest and being
disrespectful. You wont get in trouble, Dan, he assured, now.
Not as long as you speak to me respectfully.
Well, Im not feeling very respectful, right now! Danny
protested as he finally emerged from under the blankets to glare at
his brother.
Ok, Bro, Matt returned gently. Its ok that youre upset
with me. I expected that you would be.
I just dont know why you had to do that to him! Danny
sobbed. Why, Matt? Im the reason hes in trouble! He was just
trying to protect me!
And they were both just looking out for me! Kevin added
from his own stack of pillows.
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If you were going to cane anyone, it should have been me!

Danny continued as if Kevin had not spoken. Im the one who
cant seem to keep my big fat mouth shut!
Ryan went after Mcarthy twice, Matt replied simply.
Yes and both times it was because of me!
He went after him twice? Kevin turned his head on the
pillows again to look tearfully at Matt and Matt nodded. When?
Kevin demanded. When was the other time?
Right before the last playoff game, in the locker room.
Mcarthy was giving Danny a hard time and Ryan lost it. Fortunately
Steve was there to prevent any major disasters but it certainly didnt
help Ryans case today.
But it was because of me! He was trying to protect me!
Danny insisted once more.
Do you blame Kevin for what happened in the common
room? Matt demanded.
No! Of course not! Danny responded as Kevin stuffed his
head under the pillows again. He wasnt even there and I made
those bad decisions. Not him! Matt raised his eyebrows, and
Danny added quickly, But its different!
Oh yeah? How so?
It just is! Danny snapped.
Werent you trying to protect Kevin?
Yes, but . . . .
And wasnt Ryan trying to protect you?
I know but . . . .
No buts Little Bro. Its the same thing. I know
everyones intentions were good and I know no one meant for things
to escalate the way they did, but they did, and we had no choice but
to deal with it as the serious matter it is. You guys have to
understand that, good intentions or not, you cant go knocking
people around like that!
Well what about Mcarthy? Its ok for him to just say
whatever he wants!? To do whatever he wants? Its ok for him but
not for us?
No, of course not, Matt replied. Of course its not ok. He
has to play by the rules too. But it gets tricky when its just words.
Because he is the older one, you guys do not have a lot of room for
retaliation. Thats just how it is. You have to try and ignore him
263

whenever possible and not let him get to you. Every time you
respond, hes getting just exactly what he wants. If you cant ignore
him, you can respond verbally. I dont think anyone would argue
your right to defend yourselves that way, but if it reaches a certain
level you have to walk away and let us deal with it; let Steve deal
with it. The moment you throw punches you take our leverage away
too. Do you understand?
I guess, Danny sobbed, but he didnt sound too sure and
Kevin didnt respond at all; he just hugged the pillows tighter.
Listen guys, Matt began as the silence grew once more. I
understand how hard this is . . . .
No you dont! Danny challenged. You dont understand!
How can you possibly understand? Have you ever been caned? Do
you even remember what that fucking paddle feels like??
Language, Matt reminded.
Sorry, Danny huffed. But do you?? A long moment
went by as Matt just gazed at his brothers. They were entering
uncomfortable territory here. These were things he didnt like to
remember let alone talk about. He didnt generally talk about such
things to anyone except . . . well, except to Jason, who had seen him
through some incredibly difficult moments. Steve might be aware
of some of those stories. In fact, Matt was sure his little brother
knew all of them, but Matt had never talked in depth about any of
his punishments, and had never shared his feelings about them. If
he didnt want to talk about it with Steve, he was even more
reluctant to talk about it with his two youngest brothers. He was
quiet for so long that Danny and Kevin finally turned their heads
once more to look at him. They looked searchingly at their big
brother, but they did not push. The look on Matts face told them
not to, and there were times when even they knew better.
Yes, he replied softly at last. Yes, I remember how the
paddle feels. He hesitated as he continued to hold his little brothers
eyes. And, he finally went on, believe it or not, I have been
caned before. Not by the fraternity, he added quickly as shock
replaced the accusing expressions on Danny and Kevins faces.
When did you get caned? Kevin demanded, unable to help
his curiosity.
It was a long time ago, Bro, Matt replied.
But when? Kevin persisted.
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And why? Danny piped up at last. He too was intrigued

and couldnt help asking.
Im not sure I really want to talk about this right now,
guys, Matt replied gently. Maybe some other time.
Fine! Danny retorted. Whatever! Dont know why we
should have expected any different! He reached down to the floor
beside the bed where his boxers had fallen, and, picking them up, he
raised himself to sit gingerly on the side of the bed, gritting his teeth
as he bent slowly to pull his underwear on.
Whats that supposed to mean? Matt replied just a little
edgily as Danny got stiffly to his feet and pulled his shorts all the
way up.
Nothing, Danny replied bitterly, turning to face his oldest
brother with eyes that were once again accusing. Just forget it!
I dont want to forget it, Dan. Tell me whats on your
mind.
Danny bit his lip and tears welled in his eyes once more as
he evaded Matts steady, empathetic gaze. Its just . . ., his voice
cracked.
Just what? Matt prompted softly.
You never let your guard down, Matt! Danny accused,
finally looking back at him. Never! Not for anything. Not even
now! It would just be nice to know sometimes that you are not
always so . . . so . . . .
So what? Matt urged once more.
So perfect! Danny choked. It would just be nice to know
that there were times in your life that you werent so fucking
perfect! Danny swiped at his cheeks and Matt hung his head,
stunned. He was too stunned to even correct Dannys language.
The idea that the kid idolized him to such an extent was startling and
a little disconcerting.
Im not perfect, Danny, he started at last, looking up again,
only to find that Danny was halfway to the Correction Room door.
Where do you think youre going? he inquired gently, getting to
his feet.
To see Ryan, Danny answered.
Im not sure thats such a great idea, right now, Bro, Matt
replied, moving in front of the door.
I dont care what you think! Danny returned, trying to
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reach around his older brother to the doorknob. I want to see him!
I said no, Matt responded, not unkindly.
Matt, please! Danny pleaded. I just want to make sure
hes ok!
Hes ok, Dan, Matt assured.
Oh yeah!? Danny shoved at him. Why should I believe
you?? Youre the one who did it to him, arent you!? He sounded
like he was dying in there, Matt! The whole fucking house probably
heard him! How could you do that to him, Man? How could you do
that? Danny pushed once more to get by him, but Matt would not
allow it. Danny was no match for Matts strength under any
circumstances, and now it would have taken nothing for Matt to
force him back once and for all from the door. Matt, however, could
see the excruciating pain his little brother was in, and he
was worried about the kids state of mind. Danny was in no shape to
endure the shoving match he was now trying to instigate, and Matt
knew his little brother wanted nothing more than for him to respond;
he would not give him the excuse to lash out that he was looking for.
Matt, Please! Danny pleaded as Matt placed his hand over the
doorknob. I just want to see him!
Calm down, Dan, Matt instructed as Danny continued to
push at him, but his words went unheeded and a moment later his
little brother was trying to pry his fingers from the doorknob. Dan,
I said stop! Matt repeated more firmly.
Let me see him! I want to see him! Danny was working
himself into a frenzy now, and finally Matt took him by the
shoulders.
Look at me, he commanded. It was a moment before the
words registered, but finally Danny did as he was asked. You need
to calm down, stop, and think about what you are doing, Matt
instructed as he looked with concern into Dannys weepy eyes.
You are not helping Ryan or yourself right now.
But why cant I see him? Danny protested.
First of all, hes asleep, Matt replied, and that really is the
best thing for him. There is nothing you can do right now. Its better
if he just gets some rest . . . .
I know but I wont wake him! I promise! I just want to see
that hes ok . . . .
Second, Matt cut Danny off, Steve and Ryan need some
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time to themselves right now.

Please, Matt! Please! I need to see him! I need to! Danny
was beginning to panic again and finally Matt just folded him in his
arms, holding him close as his little brother collapsed against him.
For several long minutes Danny clung and Matt held him,
thinking hard about what to do, now. What would be best for
everyone? he wondered. He glanced at the bed where Kevin was
still gripping the pillows, his disconcerted eyes now on Danny.
What was going through the kids mind? It would be good to have
another chance to connect with him and that would be easier to do if
Danny was not around. Also, there was no question that Steve was
worried about their two youngest brothers. It might be good for him
to have some time to fuss over Danny. It would distract him perhaps
a little from thinking about Ryans condition. Danny was calming
down some, now, and finally Matt made up his mind.
He tightened his arms around his little brothers shoulders,
and Danny, still snuggled against his chest looked up hopefully to
meet his big brothers earnest expression. You promise me, you
wont wake him? Matt asked quietly. Danny brushed at his tears
and nodded. And you also promise me you will not give Steve a
hard time?
I wont, Danny shook his head.
Tell me again, whos responsible for this mess you and
Ryan ended up in?
We are.
Did Steve have anything to do with it?
No, Danny choked.
Tell me why you got in trouble.
We acted impulsively, without thinking, and we broke The
Code, Danny sobbed.
Matt squeezed his shoulder again. Do you understand why
the consequences were so severe? Danny nodded against his chest.
Tell me why, Bro, Matt whispered.
Because we were sposed to be setting an example. The
answer came out in another half muffled sob.
What should you have done instead? And what can you do
if Mcarthy continues to hassle you in the future?
Make sure not to hit him, Danny replied and Matt couldnt
help smirking.
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And . . ., he tried to prompt while doing his best to keep a

straight face.
And if he is really getting on our case, we need to let you or
Steve know.
Thats right, Bro. You can come to us with anything, ok?
Dont let that guy or anybody else work you over. If he is gettin
down and dirty like he did that day in the common room, you just
bring it to us and let us handle it. Hes not worth your spit, all right?
Capiche? Danny nodded again and Matt hugged him close for
another moment. All right, Bud, he whispered finally, and moving
away from the door he opened it. Go on, then, and tell Steve Ill be
back in a bit.
For a moment Danny didnt move. He just looked at his
oldest brother incredulously. Could it really be true? Had he really
persuaded Matt to see his point of view? Danny couldnt remember
the last time that had happened.
Go on, Matt prompted his little brother once more, before
I change my mind.
Danny needed no further urging, but he hadnt gotten very
far before Matt called him back. Come here, Bro, he beckoned
with his arm. Come here for just one more minute. Danny
hesitated, looking wistfully at the black curtain that stood between
him and his brothers. Hed known it was too good to be true. He
wasnt going to get to see Ryan after all. He looked back at Matt,
and his brother stretched out his arm. Come here, Bud. Danny
sighed, and then, with one last longing look towards the curtain, he
made his way back to Matt.
Look at me, Dan, Matt coached as he put his arm around
his little brother and drew him close to his side once more. Danny
obeyed and Matt looked seriously into the brimming brown eyes.
Mark my words, Little Bro, Matt lowered his voice, intending that
only Danny should hear him. As sore as you are right now, if I
come back here to find that you have stressed Steve out in the least
little way, I will not hesitate to turn you over my knee. Do you
understand? Dannys face flushed and his eyes shifted towards the
door. Dan, Matt prodded, and automatically Danny looked back
at him. He was crimson now. I asked if we had an understanding,
Matt repeated. Danny nodded, but he turned (if it was possible) still
a deeper shade of red and his eyes shifted once more to the door.
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Matt followed his gaze and bit his lip to see his youngest
brother standing in the doorway, a look of amazement on his face.
He held Danny closer to his side, squeezing his shoulder once more.
All right, then, Bro, he whispered, keeping his eyes on Kevin.
Go on. Glad now for the excuse to get away, as well as eager to
see his big brother, Danny turned once more for the curtained
doorway.
*******************************************************
Steve looked up as the slight movement of the curtain caught
his attention and a wave of emotion washed over him. Hey, Bro,
he greeted warmly. Danny was standing just inside the doorway, his
back against the wall. His face was drawn and pale, and his eyes
were fixed on Ryans unmoving form. Come here, Steve invited
huskily. Dannys eyes filled with tears as he shifted them just
slightly to meet those of his older brother. Hes ok, Steve
encouraged, reading the unspoken question. Come on.
No further inducement was required and the next moment
found Danny on his knees beside his brothers, his face buried in the
only available portion of Steves chest. Hey Bro, Hey . . . . Steve
brought his free hand up to lay it tenderly on the back of Dannys
head. Its ok . . ., he started again hesitantly as his little brother
really started to cry. He was feeling a bit taken aback. Ryan had
always been openly affectionate with him, but his relationship with
Danny hadnt come as easily. Danny was more intense, more
passionate about everything. His temper, under normal
circumstances, was more likely to heat up, and he was less forgiving
than Ryan was; he did not appreciate having his shortcomings
pointed out to him. This was the first time Steve could ever
remember that Danny had actively sought his comfort. Youre ok,
he murmured again now. Its over.
What about Ryan? Danny sobbed.
Hes ok, Bro, Steve said. You can see for yourself.
Hes all covered up, Danny objected in a muffled whisper
as he suddenly remembered the warning Matt had given him. It
must have been really bad if you cant even put the blanket down on
him all the way. Tears welled in Steves eyes at this assertion and
he bit his lip to try and keep them back. He was unable to answer
right away and his silence prompted Danny to look up into his now
269

glistening eyes. It was bad, wasnt it? he choked again. Steve still
seemed unable to speak and Danny hid his face again as tears started
to streak his older brothers cheeks. Steves fingers trailed through
his younger brothers hair and Danny clung to him. That wordless
comfort was all that Steve was capable of giving at the moment as
he tried desperately to keep his own emotions in check.
Whyd you have to be so hard on him? Danny sobbed,
forgetting Matts warning once more and really letting loose.
Why? It was my fault! If I wasnt such a stupid asshole none of this
would have happened! He was protecting me! Its my fault! Its all
my fault . . . . A gentle hand on his shoulder at that point stopped
the self-deprecating rant he was on, but as much as that touch meant
to him, and as much as he longed for the reassurance and
forgiveness he knew he would find in the blue eyes that awaited
him, he could not make himself look up; he was too ashamed
Hey Bro, look at me, the tired but steady voice urged at
last. Danny clutched Steves shirt tighter, balling his fists and
refusing still to look up. Danny, look at me please . . . .
No! Danny sobbed. God! Go back to sleep! Matts going
to kill me!
Ryan and Steve traded puzzled looks and Steve questioned
softly, Why, Dan? Why would you think that Matts going to kill
you?
Because! Danny insisted. He only asked me not to do
two things before he let me come in here and Ive done them both in
the first five minutes.
What is it youve done, Bro? Ryan coaxed.
Woke you up and stressed out Steve! Its not funny! he
cried as he finally turned his head to find Ryan battling the smirk
which had become so familiar to him. He was VERY clear about
what I was and was not to do if you know what I mean . . . .
He threatened to spank you? Steve inquired incredulously.
He did not find the idea quite as humorous as Ryan seemed to. He
adored his big brother, and relied on him implicitly, but there were
times when his over-protectiveness pricked and this was definitely
one of them.
Danny nodded, brushing at his eyes, and Ryan squeezed his
shoulder as empathy and concern pushed aside the little bit of humor
he had found in the situation. Well, Ill vouch for you, kid, he
270

promised. I wasnt really asleep. Ive been dozing in and out for a
while now, and you cant wake me if Im not asleep to begin with,
can you?
And you didnt stress me out, Danny, Steve added, unable
to keep the irritation from his voice. No more so than I already
was, anyway, and no more than any of us were. Ill talk to him.
Kevin heard him, Danny sniveled, moving on to his next
concern now that the first one seemed to have been handled.
Kevin heard Matt threaten you? Ryan cried unable now to
contain the note of delight that slipped into his tone. Danny turned
once more to look at him and the indignant expression on his little
brothers face forced Ryan to burrow further into Steves chest as his
shoulders shook with silent laughter.
Shut up, Man! Danny gave him a little shove. Its not
funny! Its fucking embarrassing!
There goes the Only Once fantasy hes been carrying
around, was the only response Ryan could manage.
What?! What are you talking about? Danny demanded.
Well, I mean, come on, Danny, Steve started. He too was
battling now to keep a straight face as Danny turned glare on him. It
was just so good to hear Ryan laugh, and it was kind of funny, after
all. You dont really imagine youre the only one to be
compromised by this, do you? And maybe it is for the best.
What do you mean? Danny demanded again in frustration.
Well dont you think Kevin probably asked Matt about it?
Yeah, probably! So?? Thats why its so embarrassing!
Well, dont be embarrassed, Bud, Steve couldnt help the
little laugh that escaped. Im sure that Ryans cover was blown
seconds after yours was.
Really, you think so? That idea, which had honestly never
occurred to him, was at least a little comforting.
I can guarantee it, Bro! Steve returned affectionately,
combing his fingers through Dannys hair once more as his little
brother snuggled against him to think about it.
Me too, Ryan sighed a little as his laughter finally slowed.
The way that kid asks questions, he finally did redden just a little,
Im sure he knows it all by now.
About Steve too? Danny queried in a tone of disbelief.
Do you think Matt told him about . . . about . . . well about you
271

guys? he turned wide eyes on his oldest brother once more.

Matt and Ryan both hesitated to answer that one; they
themselves were not sure. I dont know, Steve responded finally,
looking fondly into the deep brown eyes that were now gazing
curiously up at him. Could be . . . . But I doubt it, he finished
the thought in his head and all of a sudden he was glad for those
over-protective feelings that he had been seething about a few
minutes ago.
Naw, I dont think so, Ryan voiced his skepticism out loud.
Matt never talks about that to anybody. Hell, we found out by
accident. I dont think hes ever going to volunteer that information
to Kevin.
Well, whatever hes told him, Steve continued seriously,
you can be sure of one thing, and thats that Kevin would not have
been allowed to dwell for more than a couple of seconds on anybody
elses misery before Matt handily brought him round to his more
personal concern in the matter, and as Ryan was implying, stripped
him of that only once theory that I probably should never have put
in his head to begin with, Steve finished repentantly. I just wasnt
thinking about what Matt might have to say about that.
Ryan and Danny remained quiet and Steve too became
pensive as his little brothers snuggled closer. The emotions of the
day had exhausted them all. What WAS Matt saying to Kevin?
Steve wondered as they all fell away into their own trains of
thought, and how would Kevin react to whatever was being said?
*******************************************************
Kevin continued to gape at Matt for a moment after his big
brother had disappeared, and then he too headed for the back of the
room. Hold up, Bro, Matt took hold of his arm and hauled him
back. Where do you think youre going?
With Danny, Kevin responded in a genuinely bewildered
tone.
Oh, no, Matt countered, keeping hold of his arm and
hustling him out of the room. I dont think so. You and I have
other things to do.
But I want to see Ryan, too, Kevin protested, pulling to get
away as Matt closed the door behind them.
272

You can see him later.

I want to see him now!
I said no, Kevin, Matt remained firm, pushing his
youngest brother back as he attempted once more to open the door.
Lets give those guys some time to themselves.
Matt, please! Matt raised his eyebrows, and as Kevin saw
that this was a battle he was not going to win his pleading
expression turned to a glower. Its not fair! He stamped his foot,
and Matt narrowed his eyes.
Be that as it may, Matt responded calmly, I have made up
my mind.
Kevin folded his arms across his chest and glared obstinately
at his brother. Did you just tell Danny you would spank him, if he
stressed Steve out? he questioned bitterly.
Matt was unprepared for such a direct question and he
hesitated, but only for a moment. Yes, he answered evenly, and
now it was Kevins turn to be surprised at the straightforward
admission.
Have you spanked him before? he asked tentatively. A
mixture of intrigue and timidity had now replaced the recalcitrant
tone in his voice.
Yes, Matt replied again. The blood drained from Kevins
face, and he swallowed.
What about Ryan? he questioned tremulously.
Yes, Kevin, Matt answered in a matter of fact tone. Both
of your big brothers have taken the occasional trip over my knee.
Kevin looked absolutely dumbfounded as he tried to process this
information and the dismayed expression on his face caused Matt to
melt. The only reason I am sharing this information with you at all,
Bud, he explained quietly, is because now you are my younger
brother too and it is only fair that you have some warning about how
I deal with things.
But Steve said . . ., Kevin began. I mean, I thought . . .
Steve . . . .
Steve what? Matt inquired softly.
Steve said it would only happen once! Kevin blurted
finally, tears welling in his eyes. He promised! He said it would
only happen once! Matt sighed as he looked at his little brothers
shocked, pasty face, and taking him once more by the arm, he
273

guided him over to the bed and pulled him down beside him. Why
did Steve say that, if it wasnt true? Kevin demanded. He
promised!
I dont think he promised, Kid, did he?
Well, he said it wasnt supposed to happen more than
once! Kevin returned resentfully. They were picking at straws here
as far as he was concerned. Promised, Said, what was the
difference, anyway?
Well, any formal form of corporal punishment IS
supposed to happen only once for you guys, Matt returned quietly.
Danny and Ryan backed Steve into a really tight corner by going
after Mcarthy. I cant remember the last time a president had to
actually summon his brothers. Im sure its probably happened
before, but I certainly could not tell you when. Danny and Ryan
have earned themselves quite the little spot in the fraternity history
books that way. Kevins face crumpled and he covered it with his
hands as Matt put his arm around him. Dont you go beating
yourself up again, Bro, he comforted. Those two rascals did it to
themselves. Thats just how they are, he added consolingly,
impetuous as they are loveable.
But if it really is only supposed to happen once, how come
you just told Danny youd spank him? Kevin sobbed.
Well, Bud, Matt drew him closer and Kevin snuggled
against him, thats a little bit of a different thing. Some fraternity
presidents are bigger proponents of corporal punishment than others,
and we all, in the course of our presidencies, have found different
things that worked for us. In the end, it is not so much a rule that the
presidents brothers cant be summoned as it is, of course, that none
of us wants to do it, so we find ways to improvise and get around
having to. For some of us, that includes the use of spanking as
punishment. We keep that information to ourselves of course; only
our little brothers know, unless they for some reason choose to share
it, and we save such consequences for only serious things, things
that for other fraternity members would probably involve a
summons. Now, he couldnt help the exasperated little laugh that
escaped with his next words, Steve is NOT a big proponent of
corporal punishment. He has never used it on Danny or Ryan until
today, and I would be surprised if he ever used it on you, now that
the meeting is over, but you should know its out there. And, he
274

cautioned a little ironically, I wouldnt test him on it because I may

be wrong, and even if Im not, if I ever hear of you giving him
trouble, I will toast your behind the very next chance I get.
Understand?
Kevins only answer was a half-hearted shrug, and Matt did
not force the issue. He just tightened his arm and held his youngest
brother closer. It had been a tough month for Kevin. There was no
question about that. He had a lot of new information to sort through
and process. Being called to account for his own behavior had been
just the beginning. That first meeting: the reading of The Code, the
unveiling of the fraternity paddle, and its immediate use, was a
shocking process for all the freshmen of course; it was meant to be.
It was a scare em straight tactic, so to speak, and it was extremely
effective. The fall was always hardest, though, for the youngest
brother of the president, and it had been especially hard for Kevin.
It had been many years since the fraternity had seen a
freshman with as much talent as Kevin Kramer possessed. He was
what was known in the football world as a true freshman. Even
Danny, who had an impressive amount of talent himself, could not
match Kevins speed or innate ability to find and create holes in the
opposing defense. Kevin, after making the starting team as a
freshman (which in itself was practically unheard of) had become an
instant success, and he had benefited richly because of it. Now, he
was reaping the consequences of too much too soon, and Matts
heart ached for his little brother.
Matt could see that Kevin was a good kid. He was a rascal
for sure like his big brothers, Matt simpered. But, also like them,
he never meant to hurt anyone. To have his own punishment
followed so closely by the rare and serious consequences Ryan and
Danny had been required to face was traumatic enough. The fact
that he felt responsible for the incident that had made those
consequences necessary, was devastating. Now, to top things off, he
had to face the cold reality that, even if The Summons, hopefully,
was a thing of the past, he and his brothers were still not completely
immune from corporal punishment.
Only once, was a delusion raised accidentally by Steves
soft heart and eagerness to reassure. In fact, Matt thought with grim
irony, he could just about guarantee, with Kevins passionate,
boisterous personality, over-eagerness and obstinacy, only once,
275

was more than a little unlikely.

The clink of something metal hitting the floor distracted Matt
from his musings. Is that your key, Bud? he inquired softly,
stretching down to pick up the wayward item.
Kevin shook his head. Its Dannys, he sobbed. His fingers
curled around the key as Matt handed it to him. He gave it to me at
the meeting. Hes been staying with Ryan so I could have his room.
I was going to give it back to him, but I never got a chance.
For a moment Matt was quiet. The revelation surprised him
for many reasons, not least because of the delicate issue that Danny
had raised earlier, regarding the occurrence of discipline sessions.
Surely, Steve was not trusting Kevin with that sensitive information,
at least, not yet? Then again, Steve had Kevins schedule. He must
be scheduling sessions based on Kevins class and meal times, Matt
thought. Still, that was risky. Well, now wasnt the time to think
about it. He made a mental note to discuss it with his little brother
later, and brought his mind back round to the present issue at hand.
I think it will mean a lot to Danny that you wanted to return his
room to him, Bro, he said at last, and since you have not been able
yet to give him his key, I have an even better idea. That got Kevins
attention and he looked up inquiringly, brushing in frustration at the
tears that persisted in streaking his cheeks. You remember how
Ryan and Danny set you up after the meeting?
Kevin nodded. Not only had Danny given up his room, but
his brothers had provided him with every possible comfort from
clean sheets, fluffed pillows and icepacks, to his favorite movies,
and magazines, to a fully stocked mini-fridge (everything but beer).
He simpered at the thought, despite himself, and his throat tightened.
How ungrateful he had been. Hed been SOOO pissed then, but
now he saw how they were only looking out for him in every respect
they could. A wave of regret washed over him and he buried his face
again in Matts chest.
Matt squeezed his shoulder. This is your chance to pay
them back, Bro, he whispered as he correctly guessed what his
youngest brother was feeling. Kevin was quiet and he pressed his
face further into Matts sweater, but the thought that he could do
something to ease the suffering of his two brothers was comforting
and finally his tears began to slow. What do you say? Matt probed
once more. Shall we go see what we can do to make those two
276

miscreants more comfortable tonight?

How are we going to get into Ryans room? Kevin
inquired, looking quizzically up into his older brothers now
twinkling eyes. I only have the key to Dannys. Kevin was more
than ready to relinquish his room for the sake of his big brother, but
he suspected that Danny would prefer, for now, to stay with Ryan. In
making their brothers comfortable, therefore, it would be more
important to have access to Ryans room.
I have my ways, Matt replied, getting to his feet and
looking down at Kevin with the trace of an expectant smile. Shall
we?
Ok, Kevin shrugged, getting to his feet too. Sure, why
not? Hed go along with it. He was definitely intrigued now, and
anything was better than just sitting here. He brushed one final time
at his cheeks as he headed for the door. Matt followed and quietly
opening the top drawer of Steves desk on the way by, he removed
the large ring of keys that was lying there, and slipped it into his
pocket. Kevin turned to wait for him as he closed the drawer.
Im coming, he assured softly, seeing the hesitant look on
his younger brothers face.
The common room was not as full as it had been. Some
fortunate souls had, by this time, retreated to their rooms. Still, it
was full enough to give Matt an accurate sense of what Ryan and
Danny had faced when they came in. His anger flared, along with
his protective feelings for his brothers, and he pulled the bedroom
door shut with an indignant little bang behind him as he stepped out
into the hallway behind Kevin.
Freeze! Matt commanded as some of the loitering
freshmen and sophomores below scrambled instinctively for the
exit. There were not many juniors and seniors left in the room but
those who did remain, knew it would do no good to run. Besides, it
was beneath their dignity. I see you! Hickman, Cartwright,
Bollinger, Nicholson, get back here! All of you! Stop right there! No
one is going anywhere! I have something to say! The four students
who had been called out by name stopped in their tracks and eyed
one another anxiously before slowly turning back to resume their
seats. Elsewhere in the room sounds of restless paper shifting and
the nervous shuffling of feet ensued. Matt turned to Kevin then.
Go wash up, he prompted his younger brother gently in a low
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voice. Kevin paled at the stormy look on Matts face, though he

knew it was not directed at him, and without a word he headed off
down the hall towards the nearest bathroom.
Slowly, Matt approached the railing and stared down into the
room of apprehensive students below. Some of them picked up pens
and opened books, avoiding Matts eyes in an unwise pretense of
study. Close those damn books and look up here! Matt snapped.
You dont think I know what youre doing? You think Steve doesnt
know? Another round of nervous glances was exchanged.
Worried now, arent you? Matt continued smugly. Youre all
worried about who I recognize, what Im going to do, whose names
are going to get passed on to Steve. Well let me assure you, I know
most of you, and what few blanks there may be, Im sure Mike and
Kurt will be pleased to fill in. Maybe well just post a big chart in
the common room displaying the date and time of each summons we
intend to issue. What do you think? Deep silence greeted the
threat. Sarcasm was unusual for Matt, and there were those below
who clearly thought he was serious. Dont like that idea, do you?
Matt demanded. All remained quiet once more. Well, well think
about it. Right now, Im so sick, I honestly dont know what would
be the most appropriate thing to do, but there will be consequences
for each of you. You can depend on that! And while Steve and I are
thinking about it, I honestly hope that whatever shred of decency
you all have left will lead you to think about it too. I hope youll
think about what it means to be in a fraternity, and how Danny and
Ryan must have felt coming in here to see you all assembled like
you were, waiting for them. People they consider their friends, their
confidants, their brothers just waiting to capitalize on their feelings
of shame and misery. You all know my younger brothers well. You
know what forgiving hearts they have. It is unlikely that they will
hold a grudge, but I promise you I will not forget this. You will be
hearing from me again once Ive had a chance to confer with Steve.
For now, I would like you all to pack up your books and papers and
clear out. I dont care where you go, or what you do. Just get! The
next time I walk past this common room, I expect to find it empty.
Anyone still sitting here when I come back can count on being
summoned first thing tomorrow morning. Go on, now! Beat it! All
of you!
No second invitation was needed and as the students below
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scurried for the door, Matt turned back to his youngest brother who
had returned now from the bathroom and was shrinking against the
wall behind him. Its all right, Bud, he soothed in reaction to
Kevins anxious expression. You ready? He held out his arm, and
though Kevin hesitated, it was only for a moment. He WAS ready.
He was ready for this to be over; he was ready to move on. As he
felt his older brothers comforting hand settle on his shoulder, he felt
sure that what Matt had said was true. Everything WOULD be ok,
and yet, he was having trouble making sense of his feelings right
now. He snuck a sideways glance at the big guy walking beside and
just slightly behind him as they started down the hallway. He was
glad Matt was his brother, but he was intimidated too. He thought
about the scolding he had just witnessed and swallowed hard. He
was glad not to have been on the receiving end. He bit his lip.
What kinds of things had Danny and Ryan been spanked for? What
would make Matt spank him? If possible, he hoped he would never
have to find out. At least not THAT way, he felt his cheeks getting
warm. Maybe Ryan and Danny would tell him, if he asked right,
about the times Matt had disciplined them. He couldnt help
wanting to know what they had done. Danny would tell him, he was
sure. Im just never going to give him a reason to do it to me,
Kevin thought. Im not going to give him a reason ever!
His resolve was sincere. Hed had enough discipline,
enough stress, and anxiety. Hed learned his lesson, he was sure.
From here on in, things would be different. They were going to pick
up the pieces and move on. They would set the example as Matt and
Steve had urged them all to do. Kevin strode on in front of his big
brother, feeling better and more confident with each step.
He was young, after all: young, resilient, and nave. He had
no way of knowing just how often Ryan and Danny had made that
exact same resolution, and he was as yet unfamiliar with that great
proverb that fueled Steinbecks famous novel. Ah yes indeed, The
best laid plans of mice and men . . . .
Matt was familiar with the proverb, all too familiar, and he
smiled affectionately as Kevins changing visage revealed his
conflicted emotions. He squeezed his youngest brothers shoulder
as they stopped in front of Dannys door, and as Kevin looked up at
him, his heart warmed. Kevin had a lot to learn still, but he would
make a good president.
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Matt liked what he saw in the kids eyes: the kindness, the
compassion, the readiness to question, and most especially the
determination and resolve to do the right thing. Too bad resolutions
arent as easy to keep as they are to make, he thought grimly as
Kevin turned his attention to the task of opening the door, and truer
words have never been thought.

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What would the plans of Mice and Men bring in the future to the
boys of Rho Beta Chi?
But och! I backward cast my e'e 45
On prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!
-From To a Mouse By Robert Burns

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About the Author

Author Contact: rascal@rascals-gloomy-spot.com
Stephanie Joeline Kerfoot grew up in small town, NY, in the
beautiful Hudson Valley. She attended high school there and graduated
with a class of students shed known since Kindergarten. She continued
her education at Marlboro College, in the inspiring mountains of Vermont.
It was there in that small community that she was instilled with a passion
for literature. She came to intimately know, through the enthusiasm of her
professors, the works of such great authors as Charles Dickens, Jane
Austen, Charlotte Bronte, George Eliot, and Thomas Hardy. Though she
was exposed to many genres, it was the dark and morbid world of
nineteenth century British Literature that most engaged her attention.
Stefanies innate fascination with mystery, magic, secrecy, and the darker
side of human nature in general was sparked early on by the fantastical
elements of novels and short stories such as "The Lottery" by Shirley
Jackson, The Wolves of Willoughby Chase by Joan Aiken, The Black
Stallion by Walter Farley, The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, and The
Never Ending Story by Michael Ende. This new world of nineteenth
century authors served to nurture and augment this fascination.
It was the allure of the macabre together with the powerful
intimacy experienced in a small communal setting that led to the creation
of the Fraternity Files. The experiences of the fraternity, Rho Beta Chi
(Kigh), draw upon the lifelong friendships Stephanie made at Marlboro
and the nostalgia associated with the remembrance of her carefree days
there. While the events themselves are not in any way based on real life
experience, the intensity of emotion is something that inevitably entangles
young college students as they struggle to balance social life with
academia, and strive to come to grips with new, more mature identities.