AEC Chart for Online Submission

(THE CHART MUST BE WRITTEN IN PHRASES AND/OR BULLETS! NO COMPLETE SENTENCES!

DOUBLE SPACE EVERYTHING!) Once created, you will be required to use our little colored half
sheet to assist you on your commentary development
BABCOCK TAKE 2 Take 3 quotes/edition BABCOCK TAKE 3
YOU NEED TO COLOR CODE YOUR REVISIONS LIKE I AM TO MAKE THIS EASIER FOR ME
TO KEEP TRACK OF WHAT YOU ARE CHANGING/ADDING
Commentary Take 4 BABCOCK TAKE 4 Commentary Take 6 BABCOCK TAKE 6 Commentary
Take 7
Thesis Information:
Author:__Florence Kelly_____________

Tone: ___DetermineD_________________

Prompt Name: _____ Florence Kelley __

THERE IS NO NAME TO THIS PROMPT

Shifts: ___Kelly__shifts from _Focusing upon

children ____ to ___Focusing on women____

Rhetorical Mode: _____Persuasive________

Purpose: ___Change child labor laws and

fight for right to vote_____ AVOID USING
SLASHES

Subject: __exploitation of conditions of

children labors.____________________________
Audience: _Women _ AVOID DASHES AND
PARENTHESES _____________
Occasion: Women suffrage
Convection______________________

SQ: __For the Sake of the children__ (P12)

__ CITE_
Why: __without a change our society wont
progress.______________________

Thesis Sentence:

Assertion 1 Concept: Presents logic ideas to create her credibility

Author: Florence Kelly
Assertion Concept: Presents logic ideas to create her credibility
To/by Statement: (basic verb: to prove synonym) To Convince PUT THIS IN THE INFINITIVE
FORM
Purpose/why: (rephrased) Lets fight to make a difference in the world IN WHAT? SPECIFY for
the younger generation so history wont repeat for the next generation. DONT CALL THEM
KIDS TOO INFORMAL + WHY
Assertion Sentence:
I DONT KNOW WHICH ONE YOURE PICKING TO FOCUS ON

ADJ + DEVICE +
TEXTUAL EVIDENCE:
1. 1Logic show data to
build credibility, in
this country, two
million children
under the age of
sixteen years who
are earning their
bread. (P1)
THE CONNOTATION
OF WHAT? YOU
NEED TO SPECIFY
IT. ALSO, I AM
NOT SURE HOW
THIS TIES INTO

COMMENTARY:

YOUR ASSERTION
IDEA I AM NOT
SURE HOW THIS
SUPPORTS YOUR
ASSERTION IDEA.
YOUR EVS NEED
TO SUPPORT YOUR
ASSERTION
WRAP BACK

Oxymoron shows
reasoning in New
Jersey, boys and
girls, after their
fourteenth birthday,
enjoy the pitiful
privilege of working
all night long. (P6)
YOUR PHRASING
OF IMAGERY
SHOWS MORAL
OF IS AWK
WHERE IS THE
LOGIC IN THIS?
YOU NEED TO
MAKE YOUR EV
CONNECT TO YOUR
ASSERTION

WRAP BACK

2. Rhetorical question
clarifies valid statement
for
The mothers and
teachers of Georgia could
vote, would the Georgia
legislature have refused
at every session for the
last three years to stop
the work in the mills of
children under twelve
years of age? (P8)
THIS IS A GOOD ONEUSE PARENTHESES
AROUND THE CITATION
AND USE QUOTATIONS
YOU ALSO NEED TO
CUT DOWN ON THE TE

DISCUSS THE ACTUAL RHETORICAL QUESTION

The mothers and teachers, betraying the children
because children look up to their mothers and
teachers as role models (depending on how they are)
and if they see that their letting this situation
happening them, theyre going to follow the same
path as the women are going into. WHY IS THAT SO
BAD?
Its an obvious answer that nobodys child should be
working in the mills over the age of 18, THIS
DOESNT MAKE SENSE especially the mothers feel
this way because there protective of their child.
Nobodys child should be working in the mills under
the age of 18 because most women worry about
their child when theyre not tucked in bed at night
and sound asleep.
Making women evoke pity and guilt, to show that you
know this situation is happening and there just
sitting around because Kelley and using her logic to
them feel that it everyone fault that there just letting
this situation happen with the kids knowing that this
is going on and still not stepping up to the plant and
not making a change HOW IS PITY AND GUILT
EVOKED? EXPLAIN
Makes the women think about what to do , if that
was their child, to see what kind of actions they
would take for their child FLUFFY
Gives the age of the kids and how long they HAVE
been working to help with logic to guilt the audience
which is the women to explain that this could be your
little kids working 12 hours over night and to inspire
the women to make a change all over the world to
make sure that all children are safe while growing up
in their child hood. KEEP GOING WITH THIS
CONNECT TO HER PURPOSE
If Georgia government was different to where men
and women had the equal rights, would society be
different for children to where there not working in
the factories anymore or to just working daytime
hours in the factories. IDK WHAT THIS MEANS
STILL
Children are a symbol, symbol of slaves because the
children had no way of telling the adults how they
have no say in the hours they work at the factories
THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE I LIKE THE SLAVE
THING AND WHAT IS WRITTEN AFTER DOING
WHAT THEY ARE TOLD...SURVIVE PART, they
are just doing what they are told so they can eat and
survive and this shows that her credibility by the
children slaving under the age of twelve. SO WHAT?

 Should be at home playing at the age of twelve and

enjoying their youth instead of them working like
there adults and getting a paid salary because their
parents SO WHAT? The children should be at home
playing and enjoying their youth at the age of twelve
because them working in factories dont benefits the
kids at all because as a young child your supposed
to be enjoying your freedom and not having your
rights abused
The children doesnt know any better to where they
can speak up and defend themselves to do whats
right there just doing what they are told to do and
this goes to show that they dont know any better
and shouldnt be working a such a young age. but to
do what there told SO WHAT?
Show your child that you fight for what you believe,
because they look up to you as a role model and will
make a difference when they grow up, its only start
with one.
YOU NEED TO DISCUSS THE ACTUAL
RHETORICAL QUESTION THOUGH WHY IS IT
IMPORTANT THAT SHE PRESENTS THIS
INFORMATION IN A RHETORICAL
QUESTION??????????????
The rhetorical question symbolizes that society is
part of the problem by just letting around and do
nothing , instead of being part of the solution and
helps Kelley gang creditably because it not helping
the purpose
GIVE EVERYTHING MEANING
CONNECT EVERYTHING TO YOUR MAIN DEVICE
CONNECT TO THE ASS AND PURP
WRAP BACK: Therefore, Kelly use logic and her creditably to describe to the women what
the children are forced to do while there sitting around doing nothing. She also blames
herself just along with everyone else for not making a change and realized that if she doesnt
make a change, history will just repeat for the kids. Put yourself in the kids position working
overnight in mills under the age of twelve, and ask yourself how you would feel if this was
happening to you.

BABCOCK 7 Commentary take 8 Commentary take 9

Thesis sent: Within her persuasive piece, Kelley <-HER PERSUADE PIECE? entitled Florence
Kelley THERE IS NO TITLE TO THE PIECE discusses to the women suffrage convection YOU

NEED TO PLURALIZE THINGS and about exploitation of conditions of labors illustrates

passionate which shifts from focusing upon women to focusing on children in order to change
child labor laws For the sake of the children (P12) without a change our society wont progress.
THE
PHRASING OF YOUR THESIS IS REALLY AWK. REWORK IT
Ass Sent: Although, Kelly presents logicAL ideas to create her credibility throughout her speech
persuasive piece IN WHAT? in order to convince the women to fight to make a difference in the
world for the younger generation so history wont repeat for the next generation.
Ev Sent: Kelly states a valid point in her rhetorical question The mothers and teachers of
Georgia could vote, would Georgia refused to stop the work [stop for] in the mills of children
under twelve years of age? (P8), STRENGTHEN YOUR QUOTATION INCORP & CUT IT DOWN
making women the evoke pity and guilt, because Kelley and using her logic to make them feel
that it everyone fault and their just letting this situation happen to kids and still not making a
change for society. while society is part of the problem by just letting around WHAT DOES
THAT MEAN? And do nothing FAULTY PARALLEL STRUCTURE, instead of being part of the
solution and helps her gain ? Credibility because it not helping her change the child labor laws.
the purpose DONT EVER SAY PURPOSE JUST STATE THE PURPOSE
Comm Sents: The rhetorical question symbolizes that society is part of the problem by just
sitting around and not making a change, instead of being part of the solution and helping Kelley
gain credibility because it not helping them change the child labor laws. The mothers and
teachers are betraying the children because the children look up to them as role models and if
they see that their letting this situation happening them, theyre going to follow the same path
as the women are going into. She also gives the age of the kids and how long they have been
working to help with logic to guilt the audience which is the women to explain that this could be
your little kids working 12 hours over night and to inspire the women to make a change all over
the world to make sure that all children are safe while growing up in their child hood. This makes
the women think about what to do, if that was their child, to see what kind of actions they would

take for their child. The children should be at home playing and enjoying their youth at the age of
twelve because working in factories dont benefits the kids at all, as a young child youre
supposed to be enjoying your freedom and not having your rights abused. The Children are a
symbol slaves because the children have no say in the hours they work at the factories, they are
just doing what they are told so they can eat and survive and this shows that her credibility by
the children slaving under the age of twelve. If Georgia government was different to where men
and women had the equal rights, would society be different for children to where there not
working in the factories anymore or to just working daytime hours in the factories. The women
need to show their child that you can fight for what you believe, because they look up to you as a
role model and will make a difference when they grow up, its only start with one.
WHERE IS YOUR COMMENTARY? THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTYOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO WRITE YOUR COMMENTARY SENTENCES OUT

Quote: The mothers and teachers of Georgia could vote, would the Georgia
legislature have refused at every session for the last three years to stop the work in
the mills of children under twelve years of age? (P8)