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Ben Tidgren
English 105
Professor Polking
12-22-15
Invest In Lasting Love
What does it mean to love? Considering the sheer amount the word is used in
our society, it should be an easy question. We all claim to love all sorts of things. We
love our favorite foods, sports teams, and activities. What do all of these things have in
common? The obvious answer is that all of those things bring us pleasure. We love
what makes us happy. But one needs only to look at our countrys divorce rates to see
the obvious fact that our society does not understand the concept of love. If we look at
how the word love is used, we can see perhaps why marriages are failing at astonishing
rates. Love is thought of as a feeling that makes you happy. Eating our favorite foods,
watching our favorite sports teams, and participating in our favorite activities make us
happy. This translates over to relationships. Through online dating, you can literally
peruse through thousands of potential partners until you find the one that you think will
make you happiest. It seems like this should increase the rate of successful marriages.
But it has not. Clearly, the problems American are having with love are not related to a
lack of options. Rather, it is the societal misunderstanding of love that is leading to
divorce. What we dont seem to realize as a society, is that love is about far more than
mere happiness.
The belief that love is a mere happy feeling affects how people choose their
spouse. In virtually all relationships, the beginning seems perfect. During this phase,

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one finds their partner physically attractive, remarkably intriguing, hilarious,

understanding, and basically flawless. Aziz Ansari, an actor and comedian, has co
written a book with sociologist Eric Klinenberg called Modern Romance. In an excerpt
article entitled Everything You Thought You Knew About Love Is Wrong, Ansari
identifies this initial stage as passionate love. He explains: During this phase, your
brain floods your neural synapses with dopamine, the same neurotransmitter that gets
released when you do cocaine (Ansari). People come to believe that this initial high
they get off their relationship is love, and when the buzz subsides, as it always does, it
is easy to assume the love has died. But, Ansari describes a companionate love that
should take the place of the fading passionate love. He describes the ideal process like
this: Like all drugs, though, this high wears off after 12 to 18 months. At a certain point,
the brain rebalances itself. In good relationships, as passionate love fades,
companionate love arises to take its place. If passionate love is the cocaine of love,
companionate love is like having a glass of wine (Ansari). If we make the mistake of
assuming passionate love will remain forever, we are doomed to never find lasting love.
Afterall, once the initial passion wears off, love takes a lot of work and
commitment. It takes trust, brings hardship, and ultimately changes who you are. When
you truly love someone, you are putting their needs ahead of your own. To most of us,
that doesnt sound appealing, and Mel Livatino explains in an article published in Notre
Dame Magazine, Thats because we are lazy, because we are frightened and because
our culture of consumption encourages us to seek not love but that which is immediately
gratifying: food, sex, entertainment, vacations, alcohol, drugs, wall-to-wall TV, vacuous

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movies. Each one is easier and much more immediate than real loving (Livatino). Real
love requires sacrifice. It is not, and cannot be, all about you and your pleasure.
The ultimate story of love comes from the Christian Bible. According to the
Christian faith, mankind has sinned against God and deserves his wrath. But God loved
the world, so he sent his son Jesus to die in the place of all of us. Jesus was perfect
and never committed any sin of his own, but willingly came down and died a terrible
death on a cross, all so that people may be saved. That is sacrificial love, and is as
genuine as love can get. The Christian worldview very accurately describes the concept
of love. Especially in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which describes love this way: Love is
patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (BibleGateway). Whether or not you
believe in the Bibles teachings, it provides a great view as to just what love is: putting
others before yourself continually.
Love is not physical, for real love endures long past the beauty of youth. Love is
not always happy either. It is a constant struggle of care, commitment, and sacrifice.
You must invest time and energy in your partner. It may sometimes be difficult, but it is
what we are made to do. Without any kind of love in our lives, we will end up bitter and
alone. As Livatino put it, You need only look into the faces of the displaced, abandoned
and unwanted elderly to see what this crucifixion looks like. From this crucifixion spring
depression, rage, cancer and heart failure (Livatino). Love may be difficult, but with
time, patience, and perseverance, its benefits will significantly outweigh its hardships.

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Works Cited
Ansari, Aziz. "Aziz Ansari: Everything You Think You Know About Love Is Wrong." Time.
Time, n.d. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
"BibleGateway." Holy Bible. New International Version, n.d. Web. 14 Dec. 2015.
Livatino, Mel. "How Do We Love." Notre Dame Magazine Winter 2014-15: n. pag. Web.
11 Oct. 2015.