This book is dedicated to all those people

who have ever shed tears.

I fumbled with the emerald on my mothers necklace, the only thing I had
from her. She left when I was four, she had been arguing every night with my father
for 5 weeks. I had been sitting on the top of the wooden stairs, tucking my knees
under my baby pink nightgown every night. Days passed and as the fights continued,
I hugged my knees harder and shed larger rivers of silent tears. Until one day I sat
down on the stairs and all I heard was silence. My hands started shaking, lips
quivering, I hugged my knees tighter than I had ever before, I knew she was gone. I
thought about this as I was sitting on the window seat on the airplane on my way
to Congo to see her. The only thing I wanted from her, was that after all these years,
she would remember me.
Ray led me through the dense rainforest, slicing large leaves with his giant
machete. I followed, brown twigs and deep green leaves crunching under my feet,
slivers of light peeked through the dense canopy of the Congo Rainforest. Were
here, murmured Ray if your mother really is who you said she is, she will let you
come in. But if not, youll have to find your own way back.
Very well, I responded. I felt the sweat trickling down my back and forehead,
the emerald stone felt cool and hard against my moist skin. She would surely
recognize me and would probably really want to be with me and share her
experiences. But what if she didnt I couldnt let myself finish the thought, not now,
not when I was about to meet her. I looked up, she was wearing loose and airy
clothes, her skin was as brown as Puerto Rican coffee just like I remembered it and
her eyes had that little sparkle just like mine. Hello. Um Have you come see me?

she asked, her voice was firm and steady. I just nodded to her. Im sorry, but do I
know you? She said looking a bit confused. Who are you?
I am Namedi, your daughter, the one you left to live with your husband Salva,
I told her, my voice sounded quivery and desperate.
Im sorry, I dont remember you, she answered there was no hint of
recognition or empathy in her voice. She really didnt recognize me, she didnt
remember. A tear slipped away from the inside of my eye and rolled down my cheek,
I caught it with my tongue, it tasted salty, like sea water.

The key turned to the silver lock of the front door of my house. I opened the
door, the room smelled stale and produced a somber feeling. My lips curled down into
a frown from the day at work today. I had lost my spark, my ability to seek
adventure and learn new secrets. These past few years I had been mentally
preparing myself to meet my mother, to bear the shock, to be prepared to see her
and talk to her! A sharp stab of pain hit my chest and spread through my body until
the tips of my fingers, I was completely lost. My mother didnt know me anymore.
What was I going to do now?

But, I dont understand, I told my father. I was sitting on the sofa with him,
talking about what had happened with my mother.

I dont blame her Namedi, its been 23 years and I think, youve changed quite a
bit in all that time, he responded sarcastically, taking a sip from his scalding tea
mug.
Her own child father. Her own child! Who wouldnt remember their own child,
I said, raising my voice. She mightve not remember what I looked like but at least
she shouldve remembered that I existed!
Namedi, he told me in a severe tone.
No! I screamed at him No, Namedi! Why did she do this to me! After she
saw me she just walked away! She walked away! I couldnt take it anymore I ran
out and entered my room, I buried my face in my pillow and cried, cried until I
couldnt cry anymore and then fell into a deep slumber.

I crept up the wooden stairs, the same ones that I had sat on 23 years ago.
Walked through the cream colored hallway bathed sunlight. I needed some time to
myself. I went into my office at home, it had my favourite plush purple chair and
sturdy oaken table carved by my dad. Once I opened the door I saw them, both
sitting on the beige sofa talking, my mother was calm and looked relaxed but my
fathers face looked tense and he spoke in a strained voice. Anger started boiling up
inside me, I felt like steam was coming out of my ears. How could she appear in my
house talking to MY father who had always been there for me and taken care of me
after pretending not to recognize me a few months ago? Did she come here to see if
I forgave her, after what she had done to me? I clenched my teeth harder and my

knuckles became white from the tension in my fists. I could just run up to her right
now and punch her but no, that was just physical pain, that pain would go away I
had to give her something to hurt her as much as it hurt me when she didnt
recognize me. I walked up to her, I felt the sparkle leave my coal black eyes. How
could you? I cried out. My anger simmered down left way for sadness to fill my
body. I ran out of the house, through the streets. I ran and I ran. I didnt know where I
was going or what I was going to do. I just kept running and running. I passed
houses, buildings and crossed streets until I got to a field. I ran through the golden
colored wheat shimmering in the late afternoon sunlight. I sat down and cried, for
the second time in two days, I cried until I couldnt cry anymore. After I was done
with crying I just sat there. The night sky took over and I stood up and started
trudging back home.

Epilogue
It took some time for Namedi to forgive her mother and build a good
relationship with her, but in the end she did. She continued being a journalist and
living a normal life but she was marked permanently by her mothers actions. This
helped her realize that there are things in life that cant be undone.

Authors note:
Eugenia Brotons was born January
12th, 2003 in Barcelona, Spain. She
loves to ski and she also loves winter
and snow. Her dream is to become a
professional skier. She hates racism of
any kind and that's why in the future she wants to fight for human rights and gender
equality. All she wishes for, is for men and women to be equal and she wants humans
to live in peace.