Zou Bisou Bisou

By
Noah Kahansky

INT. BASEMENT - EVENING

Five teenagers, three girls and two boys, sit in a circle in
a dimly-lit room. Music is playing softly in the background,
and they are chattering and giggling.
JESSICA, the wild "party girl", finishes the last swig of
her bottled drink and raises it triumphantly in the air.
JESSICA
I guess its time for seven minutes
in heaven!
Everyone quiets down, and Jessica locks eyes with NICK, an
awkward-looking boy. She extends her hand with the bottle
towards him and winks at him.
JESSICA
Nick will go first.
NICK
Okay.
Nick puts the bottle on the ground and gives it a gentle
spin. Nick surveys the group of people surrounding him, as
the bottle lands on TIFFANY, a bored-looking goth girl.
Tiffany rolls her eyes at Nick and stands up.
TIFFANY
Lets just get this over with.
Nick follows Tiffany into the closet, and closes the door
behind him.
INT. CLOSET- EVENING
Nick turns towards Tiffany and smiles. She grimaces back and
looks at her nails. They both sit down.
NICK
So, what do you wanna do?
TIFFANY
Im not going to kiss you Nick.
NICK
(Slightly taken aback)
And whys that?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

TIFFANY
Because Im saving my lips. For the
dark lord.
NICK
The dark lord? Like... satan?
TIFFANY
No, you idiot. What do you think I
am, a freak?
Tiffany pulls out her phone, and shows him her lock screen.
There is an early-2000s aesthetic picture of Voldemort
surrounded by hearts.
TIFFANY
I mean he who shall not be named.
Voldemort. Duh.
NICK
Well, I like Voldemort too.
TIFFANY
Really?
NICK
Yeah, hes so cool and evil. And
the black robes? Very fashionable.
TIFFANY
Youre not one of those stupid
Harry fans?
NICK
Um, of course not!
TIFFANY
Maybe youre not so bad.
Nick smiles and Tiffany moves closer towards him.
TIFFANY
One kiss couldnt hurt.
Her lips move towards his and he closes his eyes.
INT. BASEMENT - EVENING
He opens them again, and hes back in the circle. Jessicas
hand is extended towards him, with the bottle still in her
hand.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

JESSICA
Nick, do you not want to go first?
Nick, bewildered, takes the bottle from her hand.
NICK
No, Ill go first.
He places the bottle on the ground, hand shaking slightly,
and spins it. He surveys the crowd again anxiously as it
lands on SUNNY, a pretty, vanilla-looking girl. She smiles
at him and stands up. Nick walks to the closet and she
follows him, giggling.
INT. CLOSET- EVENING
Sunny walks into the closet and her demeanor changes. She
slams the door behind them.
SUNNY
Lets cut the BS. Im a Scorpio.
Whats your sign?
NICK
Um, Im a taurus?
Sunny takes her phone out and begins to furiously type.
After a few seconds, she stops and sighs.
SUNNY
A scorpio-taurus bond? In January?
Im sorry Nick, but this will never
work.
NICK
But Sunny, you seem to be
forgetting something.
SUNNY
Cosmopolitan.com doesnt lie Nick.
NICK
But did it remind you that mercury
is in retrograde?
SUNNY
Oh my god, youre right.
NICK
So that means...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.
SUNNY
One kiss couldnt hurt.

Her lips move towards his and he closes his eyes.

INT. BASEMENT - EVENING
He opens them again, and hes back in the circle. Jessicas
hand is extended towards him, with the bottle still in her
hand.
JESSICA
Nick! Come on!
NICK
Okay, okay.
Nick takes the bottle and aggressively spins it. It lands on
Jessica, and she grabs his hand and leads him towards the
closet.
INT. CLOSET- EVENING
Nick closes the door gently, and he turns around. Jessica is
sitting in the corner, turned away, with her face cradled in
her hands. She is quietly sobbing.
Nick approaches her and puts a hand on her shoulder.
NICK
Jessica, whats wrong?
Jessica turns around, mascara streaming down her face.
JESSICA
You must think Im such an idiot.
NICK
(Inquisitively)
No?
Jessica gives him a questioning look.
NICK
(Realizing what he just
implied)
No! No!
JESSICA
Well, look at me, sitting here,
crying like a fool.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

NICK
Well, whats wrong?
JESSICA
Nick, youre my friend. You always
will be. Nothing more than that,
just friends. So I feel like I can
tell you this.
Nick, slightly begrudged, nods, urging her to tell.
JESSICA (CONT.)
Ive never kissed anyone. I know,
right? How surprising? Me, the most
popular girl in school, a kiss
virgin!
NICK
Well Jessica, Im not gonna lie, I
havent either.
JESSICA
Really? Youre not just saying
that?
NICK
I wouldnt.
JESSICA
Well, I guess having my first kiss
with someone Ill always consider
my friend, nothing more than that,
just friends, wouldnt be so bad.
Nick smiles at her.
JESSICA (CONT.)
One kiss couldnt hurt.
She leans in. Her lips move towards his and he closes his
eyes.
INT. BASEMENT - EVENING
He opens his eyes and hes back in the circle again, with
Jessica reaching the bottle towards him. Before she can say
a word, he takes the bottle and throws it behind him. A
crash is heard.
Nick turns towards the three girls, frustrated.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

NICK
(Voice slightly raising)
Let me be frank for a second,
ladies. This isnt going to happen.
Nick turns to Tiffany.
NICK (CONT.)
Tiffany, Voldemort is a fictional
character, and frankly, a weird guy
to have a crush on.
Nick turns to Sunny.
NICK (CONT.)
Sunny, horoscopes arent real, and
you of all people should know not
to trust a horoscope website when
mercury is in retrograde.
Nick turns to Jessica.
NICK (CONT.)
And finally, Jessica. I get it!
Were just friends! Well always be
friends! Nothing more than that!
Message recieved, loud and clear.
Nick stands up and turns to Rob, whos been sitting silently
in his spot the whole time.
NICK (CONT.)
Come on Rob, I guess its just me
and you left.
Rob shrugs and stands up, following Nick into the closet.
The girls share a look, confused by Nicks outburst.
TIFFANY
That was kinda hot.
SUNNY
Oh yeah.
JESSICA
Totally.