Professional Documents
Culture Documents
How To Talk To Women
How To Talk To Women
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Meeting, Flirting
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Avercoming ffie Nice Guy Syndrome: How to Stop Being Shy with-
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We'd like to thonk you for reoding this book. To listen to o new, nottronscribed-in-this-book reol-life exomple of Louis & Copelond using
http://www. howlosucceedwithwomen.com/tol k
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All rights reserved. No port of this book moy be reproduced in ony monner
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Emqil: outhors@howtosucceedwilhwomen.com
Louis, Ron
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Situotionol Flirting
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Deepening
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Advonced Deepening
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Conclusion
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Around Women
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Mony men ore iust one skill owoy from hoving the kind of interoctions with
women thot they wont. Jocob wos on exomple of this. Thirty-four yeors
old,
successfi.rl
friends-
seemed to be oble trc get women, but somehow he couldn't. He could tolk
Jocob thought he wqs miles ond miles owoy from his gool of being successful with women; in focf, he wosn'l. He hod iust obout every skill he
needed to succeed with women ond o lot more, but he didn't know how
to tolk to women so they felt he wos "romontic moteriol." Thot wos the
one skill he wos missing. Once we tought him the bosic Flirting Moves
ond the skills of tolking to women, his level of success with them rose
dromoiicolly.
wondered
if
thought thot there's something obout you thot you couldn't see but thot
women could which drove them owoy. Or, like Jocob, you moy feor thot
you hove some bosic flow *rot continuolly
sets
wilh women.
The good news is thot nothing could be further from the hulh. Sure,
plcnty of men with more problems thon you succeed with women. The
tr*sr!!*{iB&ifti
good news is lhere's no bosic flow inside of you thot keeps you from
hoving the relotionship you desire. lf you con communicote ot oll, you
con creote romontic connections
wifi
skillowoy.
l,
being oble to redirect their ottenlion toword you. Mosl men foil ot this
When you're one skill owoy from being o good seducer,you're like o cor
with one flot tire. A cor with one flot tire drives os though it hos something seriously wrong with it. lt's impossible to control, the ride is rough,
ond chonces ore you'll never gel where you wont to go in it. Driving it,
becouse
tion; don't worry, we'll cover thot, too. You'll olso leorn qbout opportunities ond the surprising lruth thot not toking opportunilies with women
con noturolly leod to toking them, if you do it our woy. You'll leorn obout
curiosity ond how you con top inlo your noturol curiosity with o womqn
to eosily creote slress-free conversotions in which you both experience o
Once you reolize thot the problem is o flot tire, though, you see thot iust
becouse the problem wos noticeoble didn't necessorily meon thot it wos
it-you
flot-o
tronsform the entire cor ond con gel where you wont
to go eosily.
ln Chopbr
to sicrt building your skills in tolking to women. You'll olso leorn woys
When Jocob leorned thot the flot tire in his doting system wos his inobility to tolk
trc
women improved instontly. He hod the missing piece ond wos qble to
seduce women.
women
enioy heoring.
However, only knowing whot to soy to women is not enough. You must
how
Your problems, loo, moy not be os big os you thought.
A simple
set of
new skills moy moke oll the difference. lf you've ever leorned ony skill
then you con leorn how to tolk to women; you've simply never been
tought how before. l/s like leorning ony new procedure. Once you mos-
fie
fiol
obout him, he wos oble to correcl the problem ond his interoctions with
ter
irc
bosics, the rest seems eosy. This book will teoch you whot you
need to know
trc
4, yov'll
women by leorning once ond for oll how to overcome the feor of being
womon so you con use the skills in this book, even if you gel nervous.
fi8llr t0
nfi
10
lgom8n
of the simple queslion "Whofs the story behind thot?" You'll olso leorn
you right owoy in o woy she moy nol open up to mony people in her
know how much you need to risk with o womon ol ony given momenl.
which mony other people moy never see, lhus creoting o deep connection between you. You'll reod numerous octuol tronscripts of us hoving
ln Chopter 6, you'll leorn obout the Romontic Moves thot ore o criticol
port of tolking seduclively wilh women. You'll leorn obout looking inio o
these exomples, so you con leorn how to opply this skill in your own li[e.
womon's eyes "too long," checking out her body so she feels complimented, winking
ln Chopters
osk
womon, ond you'll leorn why o womon lends to put o mon who mokes
$ol
ln Choptrer 12, you'll leorn obout toking tolking further: moving from o
ioking oround with women. They ore oble to kid with women obout dif-
kiss.
you'll leorn the specific sleps of ioking oround with women ond wcys of
Situotionol Flirting ond leorn how tc do it yourself with the women you
box for tolking lo women in romonlic, flirtotious ond fun woys. These
encounler.
skills ore specific ond they ore leqrnqble. With procfice, you will be oble
tionol mode thot ollows you to get into o womqn's world ond find out
utuu,Iu!0motdufiunlh*--_
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of ottention.
They
oren'l necessorily scored to tolk to women, but they often don'l know whot
trc soy. They
There ore two types of communicotors. You must figure out which type
often think thot the woy trc seduce o womon is trc turn up the
of communicotor you ore, becouse eoch type must proctice ond use the
needs trc
Most of our studenls, ond most of lhe men who ore ottrocled lo our work,
ore inlroverled communicotors. These ore men who cotegorize themselves os shy. They hove
As you reod this book, keep in mind which type of communicotor you
ore. This will influence your decisions obout how oggressively you
men often
use
this moteriol.
hove no clue qbout whot to soy lo women ond need lo slort very slowly, toking one smoll slep ot o lime ond building from there.
0ll[ llt0[fi
percenl. He needs
We ore olso the quthors of the book How lo Succeed wilh Women.Thql
eye
seducing women ond hos been veqy successful. The one thing thot wos
ing romontic interest ond toking risks. ln short, he doesn't need to worry
obout toning himself down; he needs to worry obout turning himself up.
to
Succeed
ile
Hr[1|0u0l|m[ c0nlnffilcauol|
This book rectifies thol problem ond exhoustively explores the lopic of
How to Succeed with Women lf you wont lo leorn obout where to meet
wifi
people.
urllu
ftouborlllo$dulbigQHns** . .
&..
uuu,ltul!fl!0niufi[ut0mrmtf,,|tfi
dling the problems ond trouble women couse, getting the first kiss, proceeding to sex with women ond
o lol more, we
book.
ceedwithwomen.com.
You con find out obout ony of our products ond services, sign up for our
Maslery Program, which you might be interesled in. This course, ovoil-
free emoil newsletter ond leorn more obout seduction by visiting our
oble on 16 CDs
or 16 cossettes,
grom designed to instoll the doting fundomentols in your life ond help
Authors@howtosucceedwithwomen.com.
you tolk to ond be successful with women. For more informotion on The
Mostery Progrom, check out our web site, www.howlosucceedwithwomen.com, or write us of the oddresses below
in our
4-cossette
or 4-CD course,
Overcoming ffie 'Nice Guy' Syndrome: How to Stop being Shy withoul
Becoming a Jerk.ln this progrom you
exercises thot
will help you overcome being shy, ond ollow you to feel
with women, ond olso leorn whot we ore thinking ond how we ore
deciding our next sleps os we do it! These Romontic Conversotions ore
oll new. While the techniques we use ore tought in this book, fie conversotions on the CD ore not lrqnscribed in it. Check oul www.howto-
lr
cllil[0l'r
ilt[Et't'ltD[lllg u0ln8ll, Rt$fi, cllll0$Iru
ilil $$m-Hlpl'$ff$l0ll
lf you ore like most of our sfudenls, tolking to women seems complicoted, confusing ond difficult. Yes, there will be chollenges os you leorn to
tolk to women, but if you're willing to slort ot the beginning ond do the
fie
best woy to
the first few steps, ond to go directly lo "lhe good stuff." Building o firm
foundotion in the first few simple steps of tolking to women will help dromoiicolly once you stort opplying those steps to the more complex skills
we will present loter in this book.
A bod seducer-let's coll him Bob-hos trouble becouse he hosn't mqstered the bosics. lf you ore like Bob, you wont to ovoid soying hi to
women, ond you only wont to osk the one fool-proof (ond mythicol)
seduction question thot
you in 30 seconds or less. lf you ore like Bob, you expect to overcome
25 yeors of shyness ond foilure with women ofter reoding five poges of
this book.
We wish we could teoch you thot one question thot would get ony
womon to foll in love wifh you ond hove sex with you in 30 seconds or
less. We wish we could help you overcome feor ond shyness oher reod-
,a.'*A'
ing five poges of this book*butwe con'i. We con, however, teoch you
The some goes for "Just go tolk to her." We've oll been given this lome
women. We
odvice, but most of us hove no clue whot fo tolk to o womqn obout. The
con teoch you questions, opprooches ond conversotionol modes thot will
ing oloud to us why our books, oudio courses ond other moteriol ore
Once ogoin: lf you wont fic become good ot tolking ic women*thot is, if
necessory ot oll.
trc
trc
iust
be yourself," she told us. "lt olwoys works for me!" As she soid this, her
full breosts rose ond fellwith eoch breoth ond her beoutiful blonde hoir
the beginning.
process is onswering the question "How do you get thot initiol conloct
with him, we're olwoys omozed*hol women opprooch him ond give
leorn woys of tolking with her, woys of flirting with her ond woys of con-
him their phone numbers. He olso likes to tell us his "secrel": "Just be
trc
'illlffi
BB
if you ore in the top .01 percent of beoutiful people; if you're thot hot,
u0llr$$F"
the world will beot o poth to your door. For the rest of us, lhere ore spe-
We
hotre
her!" This kind of odvice is worse thon useless becouse it offers nothing
cific skills to leorn, which ore much more effective thon "Just be yourselP'
specific to do yet leoves you feeling bod obout yourself for not following
it. Sure, being yourself is o good thing, but how should you do thot with
Our work hos olwoys been obout breoking complex sociql interoctions
women? More specificolly, which port of yourself should you be? We oll
infic teochoble steps so lhose who employ our methods con succeed. Our
weor mony hots in our lives. When you opprooch o womon, should you
be the self you ore ot work? The self you ore ot church? The self you ore
when they've leorned lo use this moteriol. We'll stort smoll, so thot no
mqller how shy you hove been, no motler how shut down you've been,
the ports thot ore noturolly fun ond seducfive, but iusl soying you should
no motter how mony problems you've hod with women, you will be oble
b bke
llruur[!utw$mn
ll0r,l
te leli ln
lly8|n*n
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We remember how hord it wos to tolk to women ond how much couroge
When we soy thot you should be selFexpressed, this olso meons thot you
it took for us to lronsform our skills ond our obilities. We remember how
must find your own woy with the moteriol in this book. None of our
books or oudio courses ore designed to be o set of rules lo box you in.
how we hod to stort with very smoll steps before we could move on to
We oll hove different opprooches with this moleriol-even we, Ron Louis
ond Dovid Copelond, hove very different opprooches from one onoth-
fortoble ond owkword when tolking to women os ony guy we've ever
met. We foiled more often thon you've foiled, ond we mode fools out of
embroces his unique opprooch ond style. The best woy for you to com-
ing lives. We mention this not to tool our own horns but to give you
municote with women is to find your unique style. Otherwise you'll seem
hope. No motler where you ore in your life, no motler how little experi-
ence you hove with women, there is hope. You con leorn to seduce
women. You con leorn how to tolk to women. And you con hove the suc-
bund thot men ore most upset, frustroted ond ploin ol' nuts when they
oren't self-expressed. Not getting loid doesn't drive guys nuts; o guy con
go months without getting loid. Whot drives men nuts is nol interocting
$0lF-HtD]|B$$nll
wiih women, not tolking lo women, hiding oul ol home ond not being in
lhc gome. Whot drives men nuls is hoving the desire to moke conlocl
women.
meon
thot he's on individuolwho follows his own poth. He feels confideni mok-
ing decisions obout where he wonts to toke his life. He embroces fie
Avoiding the risks of life drives men crozy-not foiling or being reiect-
womon, women will find you ottroclive. Whot foils every time, however,
obod how women will respond-ond he's not tqying to control or fix
ururuiou!firylq[lfl
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ln o certoin sense/ you ore interrupting women on o deeper ond deeper level with every stoge of o seduclion. You inlerrupt her when you first
soy hi to her. You inlerrupt her on increosingly deeper levels when you
occepl thot you, the mon, ore going to hove to interrupt women in order
tolk for the first lime, when you osk for her number ond emoil oddress,
when you hove Romontic Conversotions, when you osk her for ond conduct the first dote, when you go for the first kiss ond so on. You ore
Le/s exomine the word "intrerruption." h's o horsh word. Most of us osso-
die. The tools in this book will help you corry thot lood. ln foct, they con
municoles o horsh truth obout tolking to women: when you first interoct
you. You ore going to hove to toke some oclion-though os you will see
it doesn't hove to be o big oction-to get her ottention. There's forcefulness oboul the
Sometimes o mon
will osk us, '!Vhy should I risk reiection? lsn'l this the
oge of equolity? Why don't women initiote with me, ond interrupt me?"
to do this.
As you hove no doubt noticed, women ore usuolly not thinking obout
enough. They comploin thoi men oren't more sensilive ond bemoon how
you. They ore off in their own world, on their own vector, in their own
oll thot "mole privilege" ond "mole power" hove mode men shut down
flow. Hot women ore not likely to come up to you ond soy, "Hey, yov
emotionolly. Well, you know the truth os well os we do. Men's egos
look like on interesting guy. lwould love to hove o conversolion with you
oren'l o mess becouse men ore so oll-powerful or becouse men live lives
ond then seduce you." Therefore, if you ore going to interoct with
of
women, your first tosk is to get their ottention. And you get their otten-
becouse they don't hove ony tools for hondling relection, ond they hove
bcing reiected
by-o
o mess
risk
less
llllu
18
lslll l0 l{s$8n
!Sifuipfft5lttl:
Here's the bottom line: women don'l opprooch you becouse doting is not
leorn o little obout o few core concepls: the numbers gome, opporluni-
foir. Thot's why. They don't wonl to throw their egos in the sewer, ond
they don't hove io becouse they're women. They ore ollowed to demond
equolity os much os they wont ond still leove oll the risking of initiotion
to you (ot leost in the eorly ports of doting).
We suggest thot you occepl thot this is the woy it is qnd thot insteod of
As you leorn to interrupt ond initiote with women, you must remember
being upset obout it, you reolize thot this octuolly gives you o certoin
rhot oll your interoctions with women bosicolly boil down lo o numbers
kind of power. lf you hove to do oll the interrupting ond initioting, you
gome. A certoin omounl of the time you will succeed; the resl of the time
gei to soy when you will opprooch o womon. You get to soy when you
you won't. The greot thing is thot if you hove enough interocfions, your
will osk her ouf you get to soy when you will fli* with her. Once you
stort seeing thot hoving to do oll the initioting ond hoving to toke oll the
':i
l:l
lfs like the insuronce solesmon who knows thot he needs to moke 75
risks gives you the power to go ofter whot you wonl, lhe fqct fhot women
don't hove to initiote with men will not bother you so much.
&
wr
Okoy, our little men's rights speech is over. We ogree thot you hove
i.-!
,:i
cold colls to get one oppointment ond thot it trckes four oppointments to
get one sole. Therefore, he knows thqt he needs to moke 300 cold colls,
give or toke, lo get one sole. He knows ifs o numbers gome ond thot oll
every right to be mod obout this stote of offoirs-but stoying mod does-
n't work. lt won't get you the girl. The good news is thqt when you know
willwork in his fovor ond he'll mqke o sole. With women, it might toke
how
trc
toke the proper risks with women, one step ot o time, you don't
l0
l0
hove to shut down your emotions ond become on unfeeling ierk in order
lo initiqte with women. And once you know how to do it, you'll be qble
to go ofter the women you wont with o lot more freedom thon most
women feel they hove lo go ofter the men they desire.
ln How lo
Succeed
thot doting is o numbers gome becouse knowing thot will help keep you
this book is built on thot skill. Successful seducers understond the stoges
of seduction ond ore willing lo stort ot the beginning. Before we give you
uuuhoutirnrtlltl
fiot
"fqiled"
ties but don'l yet hqve the obility to trrke them. lf you ollow yourself to let
keep going no
thot be okoy, in time you simply find yourself storting to toke those oppor-
tunities thot life presents to you. Howeve4 if you beot yourself up for not
toking opporlunities iust mokes it horder to see ond trcke them in the future.
People who troin group focilitotors know thot this is true. At first, students
moy hwe no ideo ot oll obout how to leod o certoin type of process in
o group; they simply wotch in owe qs other people leod. ln time, they
Men olten feel bod obout themselves when they see on opportunity to
stort to understond how to leod but they don't quite know the process
opprooch or tolk to o womon ond they don't toke it. They don't toke the
well enough to step oul ond octuolly leod; they wotch from the sidelines,
full of good ideos obout how they would leod o process but not quite
don't know whot to soy. This leods to missed opportunities ond plenty of
good old-foshioned self-criticism. "l wos such on idiot not to tolk to her,"
beoting up on themselves, in time they simply nolice thot they ore step-
hese guys will soy tc themselves. 'Whot o moron I om. I con't believe how
ping out ond leoding*ond nothing speciol needs to hoppen for thot to
stupid I wos not to tolk to her. lt wos o perfe'ct opportunity. She wos so hot.
occur. lf they beot lhemselves up, however, they stoll the entire leorning
l'll probobly never gel on opportunity like thot ogoin, ond I blew itl"
process ond moke it horder to toke oction when the time comes.
There ore lots of times in life when beoting up on yourself to get your-
Once you breok the link between seeing on opportunity ond feeling bod
obout not toking it, you cqn breok the hold thot this cycle hos over you.
works. Unbrtunotely, this is not one of those times. When you don't toke
on opportunity with o womon ond then punish yourself for not toking it,
toking opportunities with women. Just observe them ond let yourself feel
you lusl ottoch o lot of poin to the whole ideo of toking opportunities to
good obout yourself even when you oren't toking them. Soy lo yourself,
tolk to women. This mokes you less likely to tolk to o womon the next
thot/s
systrem
lly, Wc hod o studenl who wos on experi in the field of stock troding.
trc interoct
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ft
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with. They ore ofroid thot if they toke o risk, the womon will be upset,
just seemed to flosh by too quickly for us to see or understond whot wos
we did. To us, the stock morkels ore iust one big mess; we con't
see
is
morkel, this guy wos oble to slow things down. He told us thot he did
trol, no-risk system for seducing women. Like o bod solesmon who seeks
thot "mogic close" thot will force o customer to buy, buy,buy, o guy who
con't risk with women will look for psychologicol tools thot con force o
womon to be ottrocted to him. He'll buy pig-pheromone colognes, hop-
0rurils
ing the scent will owoken o womon's inner vixen. He'll ploy "subliminol
ln this book we ore going to teoch you effuctive trcols thot con help you
hwe
between them.
deep, romontic ond seductive conversotions with women. But lc wield these
boozle o womon into toking her ponts off. He does oll this in on ottempt
tools effectMely you musl underslrcnd the noture of risking with women.
ic eliminote oll risk with o womon ond to estoblish in its ploce complete
conhol over qll of his interoctions with her.
Doing ony of the things we tolk obout in this book will require toking
some risk. Most men ore exlremely overse to risking with women; they
live their lives trying to ovoid it. Mony men who oren'l successful with
womon ond estoblishing complete control over your interoctions with her
women ore committed to eliminqting risk with women; tho/s their unsuc-
doesn't work. ln foct, il's the opposite of whot works with women. Think
obout how you feel when you're wilh someone who's committed to complebly controlling your interoction with him ond the outcome of thot inter-
Men ore obsessed with not risking with women moinly for two reosons.
oction: you con't get owoy fost enough. Well, thof's exoctly how women
Firsl, they don't wont to be hurt by o risk gone wrong. lt totolly sucks to
toke some big risk with o \ /omon only to be shot down in one of the
oction ond forcing o cerloin outcome. (solesmen ore sometimes like this.)
becouse they ore ofroid thot they will somehow hurt the womon they risk
uwlrut[nrffa
her.
lll0r ts
wifi
how toking something from her, but the iruth is this: when you toke on
oppropriofie risk with o womon you ore giving something to her. Your
risk with her creotes o spoce for her fo toke o risk bock with you, which
builds trust, sofety ond ottroclion with you. lf you don't ioke o risk with
her there's no spoce for her to risk with you, qnd she con't hove o relo-
if'-to
with women oll of the time. We used to know o guy whose life's philosophy wos "Go for lhe roor." This meont thot every time he sow something scoqy or risky, he hod to do it-becouse if he didn't, os he put it,
he "wosn'f reolly living his life." We think this is ridiculous, ond the trou-
ble it creoted in his life bocks us up on thot. Just becouse you con toke
Think of it this woy: often o guy will woit oround for o womon to risk
with him before he risks with her. He wonts her to soy hi, he wonts her
trc osk
him out, he wonts her to go for the first kiss. But why should o
oction. lf you toke q smoll risk with her, she will see on opening to do
Just os risking becouse you con isn'l the onswer, letting go of qll control
in o
both sofety ond excitement to women when you toke intelligent ond
oppropriote risks with lhem one step ol o lime. Tho/s whot creotes both
chemistry ond trust.
lhe some wiih you. lf you toke no risks ot oll, try to keep conlrol of every-
thing ond work lo force o certoin outcome with her, she will do the some
with
you-ond itwon't
ond defensive, ond her gool will be to get owoy from you.
Ar o generol rule, women will only risk os much os you do, if thot much.
When you toke on oppropriole risk with o womon, it octuolly provides
on opening for her to be self-expressed ond hove fun with you. This
is
whot we meon when we soy thot you must provide risks for women.
Whcn you toke on oppropriote risk with o womon, you give her the
opportunity trc risk bock with you. Thot's providing
When the two of you toke o smoll risk together-for instonce, you moy
lf you risk too much loo fosl, you ore trying to live in the house before it
little
is built, ond trouble will come if ony problems occur. At the some time,
trust is built between you. You con then build on thot trusl to provide o
if you don't risk ot oll, you never even build o foundotion for o relotion-
slightly lorger risk. For instonce, you moy provide o risk by osking her
ship, much less the four wolls ond roof. The level of risk you should toke
'Whofs the story behind lhot?" obout her neckloce, ond she moy toke
is reloted to how much of this house you hove built. lf you hove o lot of
o risk by telling you obout how she got it on o trip to Centrol Americo.
trust built up from toking mony risks together you con proceed lo some
When thot risk hos gone well, there is even more trust between you. You
bigger risks. lf you don't hove o lol of trust built up you need to toke
con then provide the next lorger risk ond she con risk bock. ln lime, o
smoller risks.
bock-o
lfs importont to underscore thot trust is built over lime ond thot chemistry
o reol
of
excitement ond
ond ottroction ore not the some os trust. A mon who doesn't hove much
chemistry between you. The two of you ore constontly in the process of
hcility or experience with risk will trust o womon woy too fost. He'll trusl
being "on the edge" with eoch other, constontly reveoling o little more
hcr utterly ond completely with his entire heort the moment he experi-
of yourselves with every risk, olwoys trusting ond risking o little more
sense
eoch time. Thot process is where excitement ond chemistry come from.
Wc hod one student who wos doting o women whom he wos cerloin
process you con leorn how to monoge without being conlrolling, trying
wq3 "fhe one" ofter only one dote. He wos hoving tremendous success
wih
her os he meosured it: she seemed to like him, it wos very exciting
ond delightful to be with her ond they were hoving omozing sex togeth-
R11-0l|-]l0[llt[g lll8ll
your intimocy ond connection con live. You build thot house one brick ol o
Wrll, plenty could go wrong ond plenty did go v/rong. After o couple of
time. Every lime you fiake o risk ond she trckes one bock ond it works, you
vrtkr,
put onolher brick in the wolls of the house. After o while you've built four
qnd rtrcrted blowing off their dotes. Finolly she told him, "l like you, but
wolls of trust thot con contnin the relotionship you hwe with her.
wlfi
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my
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iionship right now. Besides, l'm sort of seeing this other guy..." He wos
devostoted, heodbroken ond even more ofroid
On the up side, most women ore incredibly ottrocted to o mon who con
sey,
to leorn to reolly
trust eoch olher so we con truly open up ond be intimqte. I wont to toke
things slowly ond build o connection \ /e con trust." Soying this sort of
When you meet o hot womon with whom you hove greof chemislry, yovr
thing tends to moke o womon feel reolly sofe wifi you ond desire you
tendency might be to toke big emotionol risks with her os quickly os you
oll the more. After oll, you oren't just trying to get os much sex out of
con. Thot is o big mistoke. h's insone to risk your entire heort right owoy.
her os you con, like oll those other guys. She likes this; therefore, she
wonls lo hove sex with you. A mon slowing things down ond risking with
much too quickly you'll hove your heort sploftered oll over the povement,
ond you'll hove short, possionole offoirs thot end with you being heortbroken qnd olone.
Thot hoppens when you iump in too deep too fost, ond you do thot when
you misfoke chemistqy for truslworthiness. Just becouse you hove chem-
istry with o womon doesn't meon she won't floke out on you. lt doesn't
meon she won't hove emotionol problems thot will couse her to leove. lt
doesn'l meon you con counl on her. But when you hove greot chemistry
with o womon, you're oll too likely to think thot it meons you con count
on her, ond you'll end up risking too much with
her.
Le/s look ot how to provide risks for women. Mosl nice guys do not toke
enough risks qnd they do not provide enough risks for women, so
women hove loo few opportunities to toke risks bock. How do you pro-
her your heort fully. ln other words, you must risk slowly, over time, in
vide risks lo o womon? You provide risks by toking risks. Thofs impor-
the woy we will show you. lf you ore going trc foll in love with o womon
you ore reolly ottrocted lo, you need to toke risks one slep ol o lime to
find out if you con lrust her. You need to know if she's o psycho who's
It helps t'c think of risk os o currency thot you exchonge with o womon.
go nuls ond toke off on you, breoking your heort. You con only
You put up o penny ond she puts up o penny. You put up o dollor, she
going
trc
find this out by risking the proper omount ot the proper tempo.
puts up o dollor. You put up tren dollors, she puts up len dollors. You're
o<chonging these quontities. The exchonge con gel bigger os you leorn
from eoch other thot it will be o foir exchonge, on exchonge you con
uuu
[oubiNroiltdulli$;Ill,
&.
ll0ut
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lb t|,0ln0n
trust. lf you put up your penny ond she tokes it ond runs, you know not
trc
put up o hundred dollors. But if she puts up o penny bock, you know
is
you con tqke the risk to put up o nickel. lf she gives you o nickel bock,
osking o question we'll teoch you, 'lVho/s the story behind rhot?" The
is
Flirting, Deepening ond osking Romontic Questions. These risks oll proLet's give some specific exomples now of the kinds
$10 dollor
vide her with the opportunity to risk more by shoring more obout herself
risks.
with you. So she storts to risk liking you, which meons she could get hurt.
o relotionship.
dote, touching her, going for the first kiss ond being even more sexuol
leorn how fo do thqt by toking smoll risks ond moving up to lorger ones
ore oll bigger risks. These risks ond oll the risks thot leod up lo her shor-
os they gei better ot it. As o resuh, they get better returns thon do peo-
ing her life with you, even if only for o little while. She slorts to risk thot
ple who never invest their money, who never firke ony risks with it ond
you might chonge her life in woys she did not plon on.
lo toke intelligent
This is on exciting process for both of you. And with eoch new risk you
lheir ossets, toking the risks thot deliver the best returns.
evoluote how it went before toking the next one. lf o smoll risk did not
pon oul, don't go on to toke o bigger risk. lnsteod, you might wonl to
Penny Risks.
her-os penny
womon-
toke o smoller risk ond see if thot works. This is oll o motter of risking
risks. Soying
step by step.
lfs importont for you to reolize the risks you provide when deoling with
women. Eoch risk offers o spoce for mogic to hoppen between the two
tunity to risk bock with you by being responsive in some woy. lf she does
of you, ond it's o gift thot you os o mon provide. You're not perpetroF
respond with o risk of her own, you ore in business ond con move on lo
ing evil or hurting someone else; you're providing thot excitement thot
&
ll$ril $o l$l{
$,omfir
Another "problem" with curiosity is thot when you stort osking questions
you slop being in conhol of the interocfion. When you osk o womon
questions obout herself, suddenly you're nol in control of whot she might
o risk you
will hove lo toke with women. By knowing thot ond by being oble to tqke
those risks one step ot o lime, you will hove the power to creole excite-
i*ii
o line or rouline.
will keep them in control ond get her romonticolly interested. But when
Of course, some of
you loke the risk of not knowing whot is going to hoppen, ond surren-
those risks won't work out, but we'll teoch you how to hondle reiection
more likely to connect with them ond more likely to come ocross os fun
ond ottroclive.
As you use the tools in this book, your monlro should not be "control, con-
hol, conhol." Thot will only get you intrr trouble. Your monlro should be
You con stort the process of letting out your curiosity by osking \ /omen
"risk, risk, risk." lntelligent risks, token step by step. By using these tools
to risk being romontic rother thon to conhol the interoction, you will be
to get into her ponls ond getting her number (for o second) ond iust see
oble to mqnqge the orderly unfolding of o relotionship. lt moy be shortterm, il moy be long term. lt moy be deeply intimote, it moy be purely
if it feels different. We're not soying thot trying to get info her ponts is o
sexuol. But there will be o reol connection-ond you won't hove to sell
bod thing ot
oll-we're
into her ponts os your sole oulcome ifs very difflcult to moinloin o con-
cltlT0$tIu
wifi
o womon, but
if you've got to stoy in control ond reslroin your own curiosity ond never
osk o queslion you don't olreody know the onswer tc you'll never be suc-
osm: you've goi lo use it or lose it. Once you've repressed your curiosi-
cessful. Most men lusl give up becouse not knowing where on interoc-
loo curious. We qll know the expression "curiosity killed the cot." Asking
uuu,hrub$ll0litilUliltE..
ft
tw,hrhil!lil0iltMmm,m
lf being curious is difficult for you right now, don't worry. After you stort
conversotion with
course/ you shouldn't insult women either. lf you osk o womon "How did
you get your hoir so ugly?" or "How did you get so slupid?," you oren'l
fl0ut
When you first meet o womon it usuolly mokes sense lo slort with o simple question.
We're now going tc explore how to osk women questions. This is not
rocket science. So mony men feel like they need trc know the right things
to soy to o womon. The truth is thot you don't need speciolized esoteric
queslions; you iust need to know how to be curious ond osk questions.
Le/s look ot the different kinds of questions you con osk. There qre ini-
Mony of our students moke the error of moking siotements rother thon
tiol questions, the first questions you osk someone. Then there ore fol-
osking questions. For exomple, o student recently told us thot he'd osked
o womon o question the other doy. Here's how he described it: 'lVe
Pretty simple so for, right? You got it. The bosic sequence is you osk o
lt
were qt o concert ond I soid to her, 'The floor sure is sticky."'Well, tho/s
s olmost like
not
hoving o reol live conversotion where you ore opening your mouth ond
respond. You need to osk questions thot evoke o response from her, not
tolking! One question leods to onother ond before you know it women
ore reveoling themselves to you. They ore risking themselves to you ond
you ore risking with them by osking questions ond reveqling yourself.
R$filll$
Here ore some hondy, eosy-fo-use rules for osking queslions ond hoving
Fl'0ln
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lf you were ol o concert ond you wolked up to o womon ond soid, "l
sure like the bond," Louis ond Copelond would come to your house ond
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[ c0lllpilIn$Ilr
question
obout her. You must leqrn the difference. This point seems simple, bul
mony guys mess it up. You need to osk her something thot will engoge
l/s greot to compliment women, but most of our students find it intimidoF
ing
trc
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things we qll wonder obout when we tolk to women. Don't even tqy to
she'll be inlerested in tolking obout herself. This meons thol your focus
suppress fiose thoughls. We're iust soying thot none of those questions
should be osking questions thot let her do iust thot. Rother thon tolking
will fly. Just remember thot you risk foce slops, explosive forms of vio-
oboul your fovorite color, osk her whol her fovorite color is. Rother thon
lence, sexless nights ond trouble if you moke overtly sexuol comments.
roving obout the greot new CD you iust brought, osk her whot sort of
music she likes. Rqther thon tolking obout your fovorite seoson, osk her
interesting"
before osking o bllow-up question. When you use those phroses, trcke o
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When you're interocting wiih o womon ond osking questions you ore
not ollowed to osk "Do you come here often?" You ore olso prohibited
from osking obout the weolher. Those two questions ore so clichgd thot
men will keep osking o womon '1/Vhy? Why? Why?" or borroge her with
you will come ocross os o totol boneheod. The lost thing you ore for-
questions until she flips out. Tho/s onother woy trc hove her feel like she's
bidden from osking is'nVhofs your sign?" These oll sound too much like
locked in on inlerrogoiion room with you. lf you osk one question ot o time
lines ond come ocross os boring ond stupid. The good news is thot there
ond go ol o slow, reloxed poce, lhe conversotion will foel nofurol ond eosy
ore countless good, simple questions. Once you get your curiosity cir-
trc susficin.
Put
When some guys ore excited they feel pumped up. While being ener-
mm
gized is o good thing, sometimes guys in this stote tend to osk too mony
a$H
questions too quickly ond nol ollow women enough time to respond. Just
remember to slow down, give her time to respond, odd
You might find yourself wondering, "Gee, ore lhose breost implonts?
o few oppre-
going to wont to osk. We probobly don'l hove to tell you this, but we
wonled to double- ond quodruple-check.
We're not suggesting thot you ovoid thinking obout sex or ovoid won-
"Do you like ort?" 'Whot sorts of orl do you like?" Con you tell rhe dif-
dering obout q womon's breqsts or whot she's like in bed. Those ore
umu,ltrfu
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This moy come os o shock lo you, bul our experience shows thot mony
women ore nol the slightest bit receptive lo ony'hing we soy. lfs imporYes.
tont therefore to remember thot when o womon is meon to you or unreThot cleorly doesn't build much of o conversoiion. Le/s try it ogoin.
RON: l'm o big Jockson Pollock fon. I like his huge obstroct
ifs not your foult she wos unfriendly, ond you did nothing
pointings.
RON: I love seeing fhe movies of him sploshing huge cons of point
onto convoses. l'm olso interested in how he lived his life.
your self-esteem to hohg oround women who treot you like crop. Next
time o womon is meon to you, remind yourself thol there ore other
women out there who'd be hoppy to tolk to you ond would oppreciote
RON: Yes, l've been lo severol exhibits of his work in New York.
the bond?" or "How to do you like the bond?" Stort poying otlention fic
the questions you osk women. Moke sure you ovoid putting them in o
tion ond then, rother thon onswering their question, the womon
responds by tolking obout o wholly different topic. Remember, when you
osk o womon o question ond she responds with ony commenl ot oll, it's
llrullr,lduhrrs!ilUl{rl
TilflMP$ I
obout wine ond she storts lolking obout o movie she iust sow. Don't soy,
The
point is thol you wont lo be engoging with her, ond it reolly doesn'l mot-
ter whot you tolk qbout. The foct thot you ore octuolly hoving on inter-
oction with her is good news. Hoving her open her mouth ond tolk to
First, breothe deep into your body. Mony men breofi shollowly, ond
:A
).:
lllll|ilHllI
u0lltr clll|n$ffiu
bolls." When we soy this, we meon toke o deep breoth, ond imogine
thot feeling going oll the woy down to the core of your body, oll the woy
For us, curiosity ofien shows up os o smoll flicker in our minds thof we must
down into your bolls. lt moy sound silly, but ifs been our observotion thot
poy close ottention trc. lf you don't poy ottention when you feel curious
obout something, your infieresl fodes. At this strrge of the gome you're
retroining yourself ond creoting new hqbits
trc let
Second, osk yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
occessing your curiosity might bel owhvord ond clumsy, but itwill gel eos-
need to be
i1:
q,
.4
:ii
"So, whot do you think of the bond?" When she onswers, "They're
-ll'
i,$r
to osk women. After reoding through these exomples ond doing some
experimentolion on your own, this will be o lot eosier for you.
f
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Here's o choin of curiosity questions thot you could use ot the concerl:
.u
o
o
o
o
For exomple:
question
fien
This
ffa]npt$
"Hove you seen this bond before?" She might onswer, "No, I hoven't
o
o
o
r
2
trc
her. Whot do
you do?
Breothe into your bolls.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious qbout in her response.
o
.
I
.
For exomple,
yourself on the line ond show off, tolking to women becomes o lot eqs-
ier. Whqfls importonl is for you to osk questions thot moke her impressed
with herself-qnd when you focus on osking questions thot moke her
o
r
e
.
From there you moy find yourself creoting o conversotion with her!
f,
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mEN{.
ing next lo o womon with o new cell phone honging on o clip from her
o
o
o
.
o
.
.
.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
Toke
"l see you hqve one of those new cell phones, how do you like it?" She
responds, "ll's greol, it gets much better signol thon the other one I hod."
o
o
.
o
r
.
o
r
outhor good? Hove you reod o$er books by thot outhor?" or 'lVhol
hove you been reoding lotely?" or "ls there onything you con recom-
did you find there were ports of town where it didn't work?"
mend to me?" Those ore the kinds of questions thqt stort o conversotion.
These ore not very personol queslions, but you con see how these con
leod to deeper conversotions. You con olso see how simple ond nolurol
they ore.
fl
fr
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here, whot wos ihe best doy working here?" or 'lVhofs the coolest thing
SITUATION: You ore in o coffee shop ond you ore ordering coffee from
Or you might hove osked, "Do you drink o lot of coffee while working
o
.
.
o
love it."
r
e
o
.
For exomple, 'Xou must see oll sorfs of stuff working here. Whot's the
most unusuol thing you've seen while working here?"
ordered
l0
drinking it?"
One thing to notice here is ihol once ogoin fiese ore simple questions.
Also, notice thot when you osk them you're not shoring o lot obout your-
r
.
.
.
self. You don't need to try to be impressive yourself. She doesn't core
thot you dronk 25 cups of cofhe one doy ond how cool you ore for
dronk thot much coffee?" or "lI thot wos your weirdest doy working
uuilrilt'ilttlu0r0ldul!.l{|Hll- I _
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wolks up ond prepores to use the some mochine you were on. So whql
stonding next lo you who looks like the type of womon you'd like to be
tolking to. You notice thd there is o lot of unusuol ort on the woll. So
is
.
.
.
o
o
.
.
.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Perhops you soy something simple like '!Vhot's your fovorite mochine
here?" She responds,
You might sey, "Hi,whot do you think obout oll this ort?" She might
respond, "h/s not my style, but I guess i/s okoy."
o
o
.
o
'Vhot
o
o
o
o
A simple question like thot could stort o conversotion. The more we proctice hoving simple, eosy interoclions with women, the more powerfr.rl we
see thot they con be. Just simple curiosity*not tqying to impress ony-
one-con leod to getting o womon's phone number, o dote, o conneclion, ropporl ond more.
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ing on you. You see her ond wont io tolk to her. So you slort by running
womon working there qsks if she con help you. You run through the
Process:
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with lhis womon.
You might soy, "l'm looking for some good tequilo. Whot kind do you
like?" She might respond by telling you the brond she likes. You con then
o
o
.
e
o
.
o
.
'!Vho/s
which would be o perfect next question. You could olso osk, 'Which
the best reslouront you've ever been Io?" or 'lVhofs your fworile
ploce serves the best tequilo or morgoritos in town?" This could build
You might respond, "So whot is the best steok you ever hod?" or
restouront in lown?"
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SITUATION: You're qt fie video stcre looking for o DVD or o video. You
see o cute womon stocking videos. You decide to trclk to her. Here's whol
women. A gome thoi we like to ploy (though we don't tell other people
you do:
.
o
.
.
ourselves.
wifi
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
i!t
{;
lt
'lVhofs
the
try ond met o guy on on oirplone. Abroms storting osking the guy ques-
best movie you've seen recently?" She'll probobly onswer the question
tions obout himself. They tolked for hours-neorly the whole trip. At the
ond mention o newly releosed movie, so you run through the process
end of the conversotion, the mon lurned to Abroms ond soid, 'You ore
ogoin:
the most interesting guy l've ever mel." Abroms commenled fiot the
ironic port wos thot he (Abroms) did not soy onything obout himself; he
o
.
.
r
We mention this story lo show how people will bond with you ond feel
comfortoble with you when you give them the gift of osking questions.
When you provide women on opportunity
trc
'lVhot did you like obout thol movie?" or "ls thot the kind
they will not only feel bonded to you but they will olso feel oppreciotive
lhot someone listrened to them. They moy not consciously reolize thot you
rent?" This will get her telling you obout herself. Then you con osk her
only listened lo them ond only osked questions without shoring much
more questions. Over time, these sorts of conversolions con gel much
You respond,
llil,u.lruhrurrfiSilnlff
We osk o lot of women if they've ever been on o dote with o guy who
clraD[8r
iust tolked obout himself, never shutting up or osking her onything. They
oll soy yes. They mention thol i/s rore for o mon to be o good listener.
As porf of your curiosity skills, toke the time to listen to how women
I1t8
Good news: you ore now free of hoving to generote mogicol converso-
tion lo impress o womon. Better news: you ore now free lo osk questions,
lisien to the responses ond osk more queslions.
octions
wifi women.
otlention toword you. Mony men think thot whot they reolly need is o
greot opening line. Guys often osk us, 'Whot ore the opening lines thot
women like?"
Here ore some opening lines we know women don't like, jusi for your
omusemenl:
"Hey se4y, how would you like to ioin me in doing some moth?
Le/s odd you ond me, subhoct our clothes, divide your legs ond
then muhiply!"
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1tr0rn8n
ts
l,italifi$
Ilt0 Hr Pr0gl|flln
off of you."
"Excuse me, do you hove o quorter thot I con borrow? I told my
mother thot I would coll her when I found the girl of my dreoms."
seduction ond sex. Therefore, leorning to soy hi is your first tosk in inter-
"Hey boby, is your dod o boker? Couse you sure hove greol bunsl"
This is obvious but importont fo note: soying hi to o womon estoblishes
Lefs be obsolutely crystol cleor: we ore nol suggesting you use these
her-but it'd
be weird to tolk if you hodn't soid hi. Therefore, soying hi is your first
lines. We include them to drow your ottention to the bosic problem with
opening lines: no motter how cute, sexy or obnoxious your opening line
is, ofter you've used it, you ore still foce to foce with o womon. When
For inslonce, hove you ever been in o sifuotion where, if you'd only soid
you use some opening line, she either loughs, snorts or throws o drink
in your foce. Then you still hqve to come up with something to soy next.
lf
it
loier on? Perhops it hoppened while you were woiting in line. You got in
line ond you noticed o very pretty girl in front of you, but you didn't soy
womon, becouse so often they ore stupid lines thol piss women off.
hi to her when you first sow her os you got into the line. You were in
your own world or you were
The University of Chicogo did o study of opening lines (your tox dollors
trco
interrupt her or you used whotever your stondord excuse is for not inler-
ot work!) ond found thot "Hi" is the mosl effective opening line with o
rupting ond initioting with women. You stood in line next to this beouti-
womon. "Hi" is followed in effectiveness by "Do you like the bond?" (But
ful womon for o little while ond you reolized thot you wonted to tolk to
her-perhops you even thought of something the two of you could converse
The bottom line is ihere is no opening line thot con keep you from hov-
weird to stort iolking to her ofbr ignoring her for so long. lf only you
hod soid hi when you first got into line you would hove hod some prece-
hi-ot
leost it won'i piss her off. Of course, you'll still hove the problem
First, lefs tolk obout thot best of oll opening lines, the word "hi."
llllhoullflllto[u5|lln
*l{l{r,
m8 llipresrslll s wtali8s
You've probobly hod thot kind of thing hoppen. We hove, too. Such sod,
ond write it on o piece of poper or on index cord. Corry thot cord with
lost opportunities ore the result of not setting o precedent of being o guy
you ond keep trock of how mony women you octuolly soy hi to os you
lf you ore going to leorn to tolk to women ond implement whot you leorn
This moy seem silly, but it's importont. lf you don't hove on ideo of how
qnd become good ot it, you hove to be oble to toke scory octions ond
mqny women you soid hi to, il,s very eosy to get stopped ond stoy
boil them down into steps thot ore so smoll thot they ore noi scory ony
stopped. lf you keep trock, you con look ot your index cord ond soy,
more or ore iust scolf enough thot you con still do them. The Hi Progrom
women yesterdoy ond two todoy." Then you con look through this section
tro
zero
ogoin, figure out whot your problem is ond correct it. lf you don,t keep
The Hi Progrom is reolly simple: you decide how mony womon you ore
going to soy hi to eoch doy ond you do it. Suppose you decide to soy
trock,
i/ll
hi to I0 women o doy. Loter on, while you're wolking down the streel,
you see
On the olher hond, keeping trock olso helps you feel good obout whot
you've occomplished. Especiolly if you've been o shy guy, looking ot
your cord ond seeing you soid hi to 32 women todoy con feel pretty
When you follow the Hi Progrom, you become the kind of guy who iust
good.
lt's
worfh doing.
you hove olreody sqid hi to thot cute girl in front of you ond you con
2.
soy hi. Whofs not importont ot this luncture is whether women heor you.
So open your mouth ond soy hi whether you think she con heor you or
IltB
HUG RUIB$
0f [ll0
il
Pl|0gl|aln
not. The women you soy hi to con be wolking in the other direction or
even weoring heodphones. lt doesn't mqfier. Just soy hi.
l.
eoch doy ond keep trqck of how you do. Mony of our sludents
soy they will soy hi to I 0 or 20 women o doy for five or six doys o week.
A lot of guys soy, 'Vell, oll the women I sow this week-oll of them, I00
percent-were weoring heodphones qnd were Rollerbloding the ofier
Decide how mony women you will soy hi to for how mony doys o week
woy or for some olher reoson wouldn't hove heord me, so I didn,t soy
llrurlll
lrllurruurrlllunt!
ilou
m$ ilipf,s0nffi s l,ibalits
r0anlol{0ml
hi." Well, thofls gorboge. These guys didn't soy hi becouse they were
scored, ond they used o womon's inobility trc heor them os on excuse for
things like
not following the progrom. Open your mouth ond soy hi. lt doesn't mot-
tioting wilh women. You might wonl to keep o iournol obout it, perhops
lo celebrote obout the progress you ore moking in interrupting ond ini-
see
fhot I reolly om breoking out of my shell, ond tho/s greof." Or you con
3. Soy hi to ony womqn you see. Tho/s right, ony womon. She
con be old, fot, disobled-it doesn't motter. Remember, this is obout
get your body involved: moke some little motion, like shoking your fist
powerfully while soying, 'Yes! I soid hil"
building your initiotion muscle so you con interrupl women ond redirect
their ottention, no motter how briefly, toword you. At this point, it cqn be
We're omozed by the extenl to which the men we work with resist feel-
ing good obout the smoll steps ond smoll octions they toke wilh women,
bul il's importont thot you do so. Most men hove o hord time celebrot-
ing ony occomplishment thot isn't on ordeol. Thot won't work with
{- C"l.btote thqt you did it. Often we tolk with o guy who would
only let himself feel good obout himself if he monoged to convince o
women. Women like to be oround men who feel good obout themselves,
so it mokes sense to reword yourself ond feel good obout toking this first
to sleep with him in 15 minutes or less. Then ond only then would he
'lVell,
We,ve soid it before ond we'll soy it ogoin: thot kind of ottitude is o mis-
wos wolking down the street ond I soid hi to 20 women in five minutes
tqke. lf you ore leorning to tolk to ond seduce women, you must ollow
ond it wos eos, so therefore it doesn't count." Or they soy, 'Yeoh, I soid
yourself to feel good ond to celebrqte eoch step in the process of getting
hi to t 0 women, but they were oll old or ugly, so it doesn't count." They
loid. Beoting yoursell up ond feeling bqd will not help becouse o guy
discredit their work before they even see the positive effucts of it.
Mony men who hove o hord time trrlking lo women ore often cought in
this trop: i/s either got trc be troo hord, ond thus they con't do it, or i/s too
lf you try lo proctice the Hi Progrom but put down your effort ond success iust becouse you oren't getting loid yet, you
themselves to foel good obout whot they did. Don't moke this mistoke.
own process. Let yourself feel good obout toking oction. Tell yourself
E. Pructicc
hi to women they don't know. They stort to soy hi ond they choke up.
uurrlllru[euio{lrllJ
llllr$ ftn
lillr
T0
llll8ilrs|l
Actuolly, such chokes hoppen to everyone now ond then. You oPen your
mou$ to soy hi ond nothing comes out. lfs emborrossing, but there it is.
you'll never soy hi becouse the perfect momenl never comes. you hqve lo
br
moke thot moment hoppen by interrupting her flow ond creoting it.
lf you hove trouble soying hi to women, proclice soying hi out loud olone
in the comfort ond privocy of your own home or cor. Just soy hi over ond
Mosl conloclwith women is not going to hoppen unless you moke it hop-
over in o cleor, powerful voice. This will get your body used to soying hi
pen. You need your interruption muscle to be strong so you con creote
ond moke it eosy ond noturol to do. Soon you'll be oble to do it without
thot contoct. This is criticol. Remember, you olone ore responsible for
thinking obout if, which is whot you need when you get foce lo fqce
wifi
interrupting women ond initioting contoct wifh them. you hove to do it.
in
f.
H0l[
Pr0sl|fllll
thought thot would be reolly eosy, but then no womon mode eye contocr
fie
Listen: if you ore going through life woiting for women to moke eye
will be fine.
contoct with you before you soy hi, you ore woiling for women lo initi-
ole with you before you will interoct with them. You ore trying to ovoid
interrupting \ /omen, qnd how well hos thot been working in your life?
Not very well. The terrible truth: you must soy hi to women even if they
this: o guy refuses to soy hi lo most women becouse they ore not hot
oren't looking ot you. Women ore rorely going to moke eye contocl with
enough. He then refuses to soy hi to lhe resl becouse they ore so hot thot
you before you soy hi. They ore going to ovoid contoct becouse thot
is
f. O.ittg
2. Woiting for the "perlecl momenl."
o perfect moment ic soy hi. You iust hove
you're going to hove
trc
sorts of
responses when you soy hi. Some will be worm, some not. One of the ben-
efits of the Hi Progrom is you stort to leqrn thot her response doesn'l mot-
uurur]rrluloqq{ql$I1,
oction-you
trcok
lleuSli
aftn
t,romln
ilt$ lli pr0sn0m
DAVID: The other doy lwos leoving my gym ond I sow o very pretty
uft$ms
She storted in shock ond turned toword me, horrified. She looked
om nol thot scory-looking o guy. But this is port of being the kind
of guy who soys hi, who goes for whot he wonts without shome or
opology. Some women ore reolly in their own world of feor ond
of rhem
you con do obout it. lf I hodn't stortled her, something else would
hove. So I did whot you hove to do in those situotions: I reminded
myself thot doting is o numbers gome, thot this kind of response
hoppens occosionolly ond thot it wos obout her, nol me. Then
RON: Here's onolher exomple of the weird kind of response you might
get when you soy hi. The oiher doy, I wos wolking in o neorby
woods ond I soid hi to o womon who wos olso wolking there. Her
response? She turned ond ron owoy from
We ore here lc lell you thot i/s time tn stcp worqying obout women's respons-
es, ven if they ore like the ones dehiled obove. ll's fime lrc get post this ideo
thot you ore going lrc shofier o womon's enlire personolity iust by soying hi.
Some women, becouse of their own problems, lheir own histoqy ond their
ovrn lives, will get o little spooked when you soy hi. lt doesn'l motter. lf you
hodn't spooked her, something else would hove. Tho/s her, not you.
|l
hi ro
lo
women
wvrr."r ..l
o ctqy
doy rar
for tne
the nexf
next week."
week.,, lnevitobly
Inevitobry lhey
rhey come
come bock
bock the next
week ond tell us, 'Wow, it wos o lot scorier
ond more chollenging
thon
trll8
il
P||0gl|aln
interruption ond initiotion muscle is the criticol first step in being oble to
guy who hod not hod sex in o couple of yeors ot leost, wos o greol
exomple of this. We gove him the ossignmenl of soying hi to
l0
hi to o few women o doy or even one o doy. Thot will stqrt to develop
is by soying hi.
When we tolked to him the next week, we osked, "How'd it go? Did you
women
tolk to women successfully, ond the best woy to get thot muscle stronger
women
l0
I l'it&li&!
soy hi to
lli0r{Bram
fie
l0
women
your iniliotion muscle, ond thot will stort you on your woy to powerfully
ond reliobly tolking to women.
to the beoch ond I soid hi to every womon I sow. lwent to the moll ond
umil[u
Men who hove hod bod experiences with women usuolly develop hobits
thot moke it horder to connect wilh women. For inslonce, they never
develop the hobit of expressing their virolity ond their physicol energy.
Toking such mossive oction hod positive results. He got his interruption
ln foct, they ore often unoble to proiect ony form of excitemenl or "up
vibe" oboul onything. These men hove repressed the ports of themselves
thot disploy vitolity when interocting wiih others.
ond gove himself o bios for oclion with women thot over time got him
sex with o number of women ond eventuolly o girlfriend'
We're going tc discuss two types of vitolity: physicolvitolity ond vocol excitement. We'll show you how trr hqve more physicol vitolity ond vocol orcite-
menl in your lifu. Both will help you become more powerfulwith women.
he point
is this: he
never would hove succeeded without leorning lo soy it. He got himself
to the point where he could initiote eosily, ond thot mode it possible for
pils$rctr HtH[$il0ll[
lf you don'l hove physicol excitement ond physicol energy, if you don't
proiect
uuuttuM$cfoH
llBtx t0
l{lt
l0 tlr0lnsn
rusnimour*mrv/
you. lf you ore colm ond hove o flot offect, you've gol o problem.
Women ore looking for someone who hos vitolity, possion ond energy.
tolking obout odding hond ond body movements for emphosis onry. you
shouldn't wove your orms oround looking insone.
Put onother woy, do you come ocross os o guy who gets loid or os o guy
To get
One woy to hove more vitolity is to oct with more urgency oround
women. Mony men treot life like o reheorsol. There's no energy or com-
milmenl behind whol $ey do. They oct like they con woit oround brever before toking oction. As o result, they oppeor to be wishy-woshy ond
they hove o flot offect. These men olso tend to come ocross os boring
ond predictoble. lf you foll into this cotegory don'l worry. We'll teoch
you methods of bringing more vitolity to your life. lt's o skill thot you cqn
ing yourself to moke eye conroct with women. when you enter o room,
do you sweep rhe room moking brief eye confoct wirh women or do you
HU8 Utflg$ U0
Look over your life ond situotions in which you were interocting with
women. Did you hove o sense of urgency when tolking with them or
were you flot ond wishy-woshy? Our hope is thot this book will inspire
look ot the floor ond tqy to hide? Most shy men ovoid eye contocr
no
motter whot.
is
moking eye contrrcr with women os well os men. rfs importont thot you
leorn to be seen by people ond feel comforroble being looked or.
when
you opprooch o womon, ir's cruciol thot you feel comfortoble looking
ot
her ond moking eye con'cct when you speok. Otherwise, you,ll
come
you to stort toking more risks with women ond feel more confident lo
toke on life ot
doing before. Here qre five things thot will help you do iust thot.
You might find moking eye contoct scory. lf so, you,re not olone.
Mony
men find eye contoct intimidoting. We recommend thor you proctice
this
for
body os you speok, you'll come ocross os more possionole ond power-
where there ore women. over fime you'll feel more comfortoble.
ful. Don't go loo for, though, by pretending to hove on epileptic fil; we're
rl
&
lli${tits
right
Donce ond Jump Around. Anoher thing you cqn stort doing
five minutes eoch
owoy is to put on o donceoble song ond spend ol leort
oround lo the music' Mony men who ore
doy doncing ond
iumping
to get excited
intimidoted by women don,t give themselves permission
They tend to
obout ony'hing or to feel physicolly excited obout onything'
u0cil rilcm|llell[
When you're vocolly excited, you speok with o voriety of vocol lones;
you don't iust tolk in o monotone ond soy the some thing over ond over.
lf there oren't mony speed chonges or volume chonges in your speoking
by doncing to
stoy colm ond flot. Troin yourself to be more spontoneous
style, you come ocross os deod. When you opprooch o womon ond ore
boring ond flot, she'll likely wont lo ovoid tolking to you. The reoson
most guys tolk quietly is becouse they're scored of interrupting or upset-
ting women. One woy to feel more confidenl is to leorn to speok from
your bolls.
up or colm down
imporlont thot you leorn to express yourself ond omp
more excited is by
depending on fie situotion. One woy to leorn lo be
l.
lt sounds
slronge, but il's very effective. We've oll hod moments when we felt
strong ond confident ond mode no opologies for whot wos coming out
other people in
proiect virolity io the women you inleroct with ond the
it helps with siress
life. Working out is importont, not only becouse
of our mouths. We've oll hod momenfs when we've soid something ond
it increoses your
reliel ond keeps you in good shope but olso becouse
form of oerobic
physicol presence when you're with women' Find o
tened. lf you go bock ond think obout how it felt to speok powerfully,
your
it felt like it iust come out of our core ond people iust stopped ond lis-
you'll find thot it come from your guts or oll the woy down from your
bolls. Most likely it wos os if on energy come up from thot port of your
self-expressed
with women. All of these exercises will help you be more
women. Remember,
ond will help you come ocross os more ottrqctive trc
while you do them ond stop when it sficps being fun'
hove fun
body ond out your mouth. We're going to teoch you how to reproduce
thot experience ot will.
Men who feel intimidoted oround tolking to women cut off their life ener-
gy ond their vitolity. When you speok from your bolls you feel more con-
fident becou3e you hove your life energy supporting you. When you
hove vitolity ond confidence, tolking to women is much eosier.
uulluniulutilfifl,
ll0lll
$0&llrn
ufim8n
ft8[ipntsrirll 8r*flits
The ideo of speoking from your bolls or your guls is not thot unusuol.
We know thot peok performers in sports ond other fields incorporote this
concept into their success sirotegies. They get reolly grounded in their
guls or their bolls; they feel o conneclion to thot oreo, they breothe into
it ond they get psyched up. Peok performers use this proctice to moke
themselves feel strong, confident ond powerful before they
speech
go into o
or importont situolion.
This is on owkword thing to discuss; the notion of coming from your bolls
breothing deeply into your novel ond below, ond feering the power
thot
comes from fiot port of your body.
bolls with hoving the power to help you get whot you wont wilh women,
doy
ing the energy qround your nwd ond your bolls. We're not tolking
Here's how you con use this energy. Stort by closing your eyes ond sens-
ment. Here ore o few proctices to experiment with thot will enhonce
your
vocol copocity.
breoth circulote down io your guts ond bolls ond then come bock up.
The more comfortoble ond fomilior you become with thot energy, the
more confident you will feel with women. The more fomilior you ore with
'
dence when you ore tolking to women. This simple proctice con be done
onytime, onywhere.
being deod. Mosr of the time shy men ore oround one or rwo on
thot energy, the eosier it will be to occess thot sense of colm qnd confi-
ltt
necks. They don't feel powerful ond insteod ovoid being grounded ond
uuuhou!$llsoli$ulll&-
let things
gel out of control, so they don,l get more excited. One woy for
you to ger more excited is to put yourself in fronr of o mirror
ond
When they first stort working with us, mosl of our students tend to speok
8ili8}i&$
c01lcil$run
You now know The Hi Progrom, ond how to implement it in your life. We
more excited obout something thon you normolly would be. You
invile you to decide to srort using The Hi progrom todoy. chose how
mony women you ore going to soy hi to eoch doy, ond stort doing if.
con go into this one step ot o time; you don't hove lo peg it or 10
Keep trock. see whot comes up to block you, get firough those brocks,
ond celebrote your successes. The Hi progrom is the foundotion for rok-
or five, then groduolly roise the bor. This might seem crozy to you.
ing the next steps with women we will teoch you in upcoming chopters.
Spend time with onother person ond toke ot leost o minute lo gel
ln foct, it is silly, ond when you're excited you risk looking silly.
When you're in the flow of being excited, however, ifs ottroctive to
You olso now know obout creoting ond increosing physicol ond vocol
women. You con get owoy with o lot more when you're excited
oboul something thon you con when you're dull ond boring.
your own enthusiosm obout things, which might be silly, other people will olso be okoy with it. lf you're willing to occept those silly
ports of yourself, o womqn will know thot you will olso occept her
silly ond owkword ports.
women. The olternotive: gel engoged in life ond toke the risks to
let yourself engoge wilh women. We're giving you permission to
let yourself show your enlhusiosm.
x-.
uuuil0lllt0sI00llm
cllap[Bt' il
ril8 lllll$F
"lf
$a1ll0 0F
rtlltlll$ m u0lll0ll
of hir
and endeauors
dneams,
-110il'u
IauiI Ill0l'8fl[
There is on inner gome of tolking to women. lt's oll obout groppling with
yourself ond deoling with your feors ot eveqy stoge of opprooching ond
tolking to women.
fiol
inside you. Perhops there is o port of you thot wonts to tolk to women
while onother port is scored to deoth of reiection. One port of you wonts
relotionships with women; onother port only wonls shorl-term sex. One
port of you feels shong ond confident; onother port of you feels scored
ond intimidoted.
Lel's spend some lime looking ot the internol struggles reloted to seduc-
tion ond offering some tips on how to hondle the inevitoble internol
problems thot come up when opprooching women.
*xfli*.
l|sur ss lblll
l[8
& t{slrsn
ull8ll co|n]nllll|caflllg
llil[ll u0ln0ll
lllnsr &am8
[r
Telfiins [8 td0ln*n
The other side of being defensive is being protective. Whot ore you pro-
tecting yourself from when you're tolking to women? Usuolly you ore
protecting yourself from reiection or from looking like o moron, or else
you're simply tqying too hord to look good. Unfortunotely there is noth-
When tolk-
ing you con do but toke risks wiih women. You olwoys risk looking stu-
ing to women, mony men feel os if they hove to defend themselves. They
inherently risky ond vulneroble. You hove to decide to live with it.
is
These men oct os if women ore oul to get them, out to humiliole them,
Another common trop is opologizing for your sexuol inleresl. Shy men
inevitoble ottock.
men think they ore so powerful thot they con ruin ony womon's doy
merely by commenting thot she is beoutiful or showing ony interest.
'lVhy do you
Strotegizing.
There ore concrete skills you con leorn to help you suc-
ond our other products ond leorn os much obout yourself, women,
romonce ond sexuolity os possible. Studying, however,
is oll obout
uncomforioble, meon ond nosty. You need to be open when you're tolking fo women. When you're focused on defending yourself or opolo-
gizing for your sexuol interesl you connot listen to o womon ond connol
hove fun with her. When you're with o womqn, look for times when
ent moment you need lo give up qny strotegy thot you moy hove.
you're defending ond protecting yourself ond times when you oren't'
forget obout forcing on oulcome; relox ond hove fun. To be in the pres-
l0$ t0 lall
trll
n8 hnfr,
liilslllcn
hove
ineviioble curvebolls women will throw ol you' How con you
o strotegy for q situotion thol hos no predictobility? You con't'
88810
0f lalfiins
lil0men
qn octuol fight he uses evefihing he's ever leorned during his troining.
He uses the blocks, the kicks, the punches ond more.
But to do thot, during the octuol fight he must give up ony strotegy ond
ony skill he's leorned ond be ovvore of the other fighter. He must be open
be in on
see the openings for moving things further' You need to
expecting
Fun
Strotegizing is not fun' Why do we keep tolking obout fun?
flow
men lurn women on. When you're hoving fun you're in the
pletely different ond knock him out. With women you need to let go of
ond when you're miseroble ond struggling you ore not ottroctive'
When you focus on o strotegy ond work hord to seduce women'
com-
ony strotegy ond skill you've leorned ond be open lo whotever hoppens.
When you con be owore, presenl ond open, tolking to women will be
fluid ond fun.
like
you toke oll the fun out of ir ond moke tolking to women feel
oble.
qs time
questions lo engoge you ond they olwoys come ocross
slrolwosters. Sqlesmen who hove on ogendo or ore using o soles
Monipuloring.
o ierk? Do you wont to find o woy to feel guilty, crummy obout yourself
ond regretful? Monipuloling women is one woy you con creole o situotion where you feel like o totol ierk.
We've worked with thousonds of men, ond the number one concern lhey
hove in seducing women is thot they wont to dote ond hove sex without
being
they feel terrible. They feel guilty ond depressed. Men tell us thot even
when monipulotion works the cost is nol worth it. The ultimole cost for
his kicks,
Think obout how o mortiol ortist goes into o fight. He works on
mushis punches, his blocks ond more. He works for yeors developing
During
cles ond strengih, procticing in the doio with his fellow students.
monipulote. You con build reol connections, using the tools in this book.
lls
seduc-
Lefs get honest here. Hqrsh truths thot you must foce:
er then you need to stop looking for cerlointy. lf you ore seorching for o
seduction method thot is bosed on certointy ond stobility you will foil
Some of our students meet women who hove boyfriends ond they
will not occept the foct thot the womon is olreody token.
Some of our students keep colling o womon even ofter o few dotes
or
hove gone bodly. They foil to occept the foct thot the womon is not
do you do? You con either climb bock down or decide not
trc iump
you con muster up the couroge lo go for it. lf you iump there ore o few
interested in them.
seconds in which you ore folling through the oir, which hels scory exhil-
Some of our students keep colling women even ofter o few dotes
hove gone bodly. They foil to occept thot they don,t like the
womon!
Tolking to women is like iumping off o diving boord. At first there is no
woy of knowing how things will go. You don't know if she's got o
bofriend, if you're her type, if you'll offend her with o comment or if
The vost moiority of women you tolk to ore not interested in you.
us.
To hove o chonce
l/s importont to see the truth ond occept focts. When you hold on to folse
ot success, however, you need to iump ond go for it ond understond thot
hopes ond lie to yourself i/s hord to succeed with women. poin con be
you hove no clue qbout whether you'll succeed or foil. We oll get scored
o greoi motivotor.
befter to feel the poin of foilure ond loneliness, fhon it is to lie to your-
ond doubt our skills. You con still go for it, though. Your iob is to feel the
self. The poin con become on olly, not something to resisi. When you,re
oble to be honest it's much eqsier to come up with on qction plon ond
you'll toke her home thot night ond hove sex with her.
h/s
Resisting the truth. Mony of our students hove o hord time focing
the horsh reolities of doting women. Most men wonl o sonitized version
of doting women; they wont the version without the risk of poin ond
humiliotion. Guess whot? Tho/s not reol. Most women on this plonet ore
not the slightest bit interested in doting you. So whot? You're only look-
oi work. when it
trc
work qlone
comes to seducing women hord work is importont, but hord
The ploy usuolly works this woy: o guy is o friend with o womon he wonts
will not bring you success. You con conFol o lot of oukomes ot work.
you cqn,l control women. You connol conhol oulcomes with women.
to dote. He thinks thot if she opens up irc him emotionolly then it will like-
her on'
None of us knows whot o porticulor womon wonts, whot furns
issue of
whot she,s looking for in o mon. so you connol opprooch the
problems'
how to seduce women in the some woy you would your work
lying.
With women il's oll on experiment. You show up, run some communico-
lo gel sex. We ore wholly ogoinst lying to women ond do not in onywoy
encouroge you to lie. We wont you to cultivote the skills to creote relo-
she
tionships wilh women you con feel good oboul, nol regret.
Whot does lying soy obout you? Lying soys thot you ore the kind of guy
hove
who connot gel women by being honest. You connot get women unless
up ond do
sex wiih you or be in the mood to mqke out"You con show
you pretend you're someone else. You cqnnol get women if you ore iust
you. Lying leods to o lock of self-respect ond to regret.
This is olso true when going on dotes. You connot force o womon
your best to creote o romontic mood. Then ogoin, you con do everything
line is
perfectly ond she still might not be turned on by you. The bottom
Lying might work in the short term, but ultimotely ifs veqy costly. Whot if
twofold:
you end up reolly liking o womon ond wont to pursue o relotionship with
a
her? Then she finds you out you lied to her ond she's no longer inlerest-
ed. Whot if you forget obout the lies you told ond o womon cotches you
in one of your lies? How is thot going to go over? Whot if the word gets
The bottom line is thoi lying is unnecessory ond tends to couse more
blow your
is suicide. You might os well iust put o gun to your heod ond
in you i[
broins out if you think o womon will be romonticolly interested
rrrrlmlnuuglru,
Comporingyourselftoothermen.Rorelyisitmotivotingtocomobout you
pore yourself to orher men. This book ond this progrom ore
into your life'
ond you olone. ll's obout whot you con do to get women
students
We oll hove different experiences qnd skills. Whol most of our
women,
do is look qt the bod boys, ond the men who ore with the hofiesl
a
a
a
ond feel ieolous ond depressed. Our studenls soy things like:
don't beot themselves up. lnsteod, they constontly focus on the woys in
Other men ore rich ond con therefore eosily get women'
Other men live in o city with more hot women per copito'
women'
Other men hove o iob thot is more conducive to meeting
eosier
Other men ore younger thon I om ond therefore hove on
big sleps forword; sometimes, smoll steps bockword. Along the woy
you
there will be upset, poin, horsh reolity, scory moments, fun ond
ioy.
time.
a
the gool is smoll incrementol progress over time. somerimes there will be
need to develop on internol opprooch trc see the positive steps you toke
with women. ln the confusing, long odyssey of doting women, you need
to constontly look ot the movement ond steps you've loken ond con-
other
All of these excuses ore trops. There is nothing you con do oboui
the woys you blew it or you con celebrote the foct thot you octuolly did
women. lf
with women ond to you i|/s o huge siretch iust to soy hi to
from
thofs hord for you then srort by soying hi ond build your skills
life for mony of our students. They moke o proctice out of feeling guilty
for ony opportunities they didnt toke with women, errors they mode
while tolking to women ond opportunities to osk for phone numbers they
Mostery
moy feel clueless obout doting women ond wonl to buy The
for
course becouse they need o comprehensive progrom
do correctly. When you con see the things you've done correctly ond the
Progrom oudio
ofier
urulnrhnnr{fl
helpful
didn't toke. lnsteod, we recommend you keep irock of oll the things you
woys you've pushed yourself in new directions, if will enhonce your self-
confidence. lf you only focus on the things you didn't do correctly you,ll
nevar improvc,
ll0u! s0 ldlr l0
n8
ll0lll8[
[$ff
8m8 0r
Talftins
t$ lll0msn
your finger!
stop beoting up on yourself or Louis & copelond will breok
Perhops your eventuol gool is trc go trc bors ond trrlk to women, but ot the
momenl you're terrified of doing so. lnstreod, you con stort tonighl by
l0
couch, see if you con get motivoted io toke one smoll sirep toword tolking
soys
iening skills. when you ore oble to lisien corefully lo whot o womon
likes ond
you leorn importonl informotion obout her. You leorn whot she
lo women by leoving your house. Moybe you'll lust go to the coffee shop
Not lisfening.
To be on effective seducer
she's possiondislikes. You leqrn whot she considers romontic ond whot
inlo more seducote obouf. You olso leorn how to move the conversotion
home.
ideos ond
tive depths. These detoils ore useful in coming up with dote
olso in creoting more ropport between ihe two of you'
Scomming women.
'A
obout
All too often men don't listen to women becouse they're thinking
you're not o genius." Do guys who use tronsporent scoms lo gel women
to osk. Deol
the next step in o seduclion or moybe iust the nexl question
q
will
your internoldiolog when you ore tolking to womon ond you
ocfuolly think women ore dumb enough to foll for them? We know o hot
with
young bisexuol femqle who spends o lot of time online. She soys ifs not
shocking thot men
Being on the couch qnd wishing you wene our flirting wirh
women. h's eosy lo sit on he couch ol home wonting to interoct with
The bottom line is this: most of the time when you think you're getting owoy
wonl to go
women. We oll get frustroted ond depressed ond iust do not
woy to get
out ond proctice our seduction skills. But there is no olher
with something, you're octuolly being incredibly obvious. This mokes peo-
They ore
women. They ore not going to porochub into your bockyord'
They ore not
not going to suddenly knock on your door ond beg for sex'
wont.
beg
going chose you down the sireet ond then toke off their shirt ond
you to feel them up then ond there' lt iust oin't gonnq hoppen'
Mony of us leorned eorly on in life rhot the only woy to get oheod is to
trc give
oll-or,
even
this is thot while scomming moy get some results occosionolly, ir costs
runrruhffid5lf
lltxt sl!talllI0{{llm$n
trynever work in fhe long term. How does o guy feel obout himself ofter
Beniomin Fronklin once soid, "lf roscols knew the pleosure of virtue, they
ing some lome pickup line or rouline on o womon ond hoving her throw
would become virtuous out of sheer roscoliry." When you work fie fun-
her drink in his foce? How does o guy feel obout himself when he spends
Often guys with o scom orientqtion think thot ifs olmost o duty to toke
os much os they con from people. lf you give them on inch, they try to
tqke o mile. lf they con get o mile, they go for even more. lf you ore like
there for one reoson: for you fo toke them. yes ir's true, if you foil to toke
this, women you lry to scom on will sense it ond ovoid you. Businesses
opportunities life will not end, ond you shouldn't beot yourself up. At the
yov
lry to
scom
self-respect.
some fime, the world of tolking ro women is oll obout creoting bigger
to
Even when they work, they reinforce the ideo thot you hove to scom
ond bigger openings to risk toking things to rhe next level. perhops you
wont to tolk to o womon ond you risk tolking to her; the next risk is osking her out. Push yourself to toke the next risk. push yourself to go for it.
Men ore fomous for confusing kindness for blindness. Just becouse o
womon is nice doesn'l meon she won't hit bock if you try irr scom on her.
When on opportunity shows up, go for it, rother thon regret not going
for it loter.
The belief thqt you con or should toke people for oll you con gel ultimotely
does not work with women or for getting the life you wonl. lf you wont
something from someone, you've gol lo moke on effort to build o mutu-
You never know with ony degree of certointy whot will eventuolly work.
You need lo experiment
ing mony different niches ond constontly being on the lookout for new
seducer who isn't o scom ortist underslonds thot poying the price is whot
out in the world risking ond tolking ro women. h con be stressful, scory
come
ond downright oggrovoting. lr's very frustroting to wolk down the street
ul|tu,hruhillffi
uultltiuttt0uffflure*
ss lbll* 1l
wllllsll
'lsur
with them.
ond see so mony hot women ond feel like you hove no shot
lfs frustroting to see other men hove the
$0lllfl0ll$
Be quthentic. We've olreody tolking obout being self-expressed ond
fruslrotionThe solution is to creote spoces where you con let out your
You need to find your edge, the ports of yourself thot ore unique.
Women wonl
most likely
to women they will not only be turned off by you, they will
find you intimidoting ond wont to ovoid you. You need to understond
lf you
your frustrolion enough to see when it's coming out with women'
o nice guy you moy come ocross os orrogont ond meon'
ore
Hqve fun.
feor otirocts more feor. women wont to be oround fun men. one reqson comedions get women, even though mony comedions ore not por-
exciting-
in o$er words, potentiol lovers. For mony women ployfulness, fun ond
sexiness ore linked. Hove fun ond moke every interoction fr-rn for both of
Seeming snotty
Seeming iudgmentol
Seeming dismissive
should look. You never know whot will hoppen. Moybe you end up tolk-
to shui up
ing to o womon ot o concert ond you get her number but don't bring her
home. Moybe o womon seems reolly into you but never colls you bock.
you.
Moybe she's only interested in you os friend ond not o lover. you will not
find this out unless you give up your preconceived notions of how ir
women ond
This does not meon you hove to wolk on eggshells oround
respectfully ond
oct like you ore Mr. Hoppy oll the time' lt meons you oct
should look, ond find out whot reolly is there. you hove no clue whot the
or her interest level, oll you con do is show up ond go with the flow.
suu,llutuutffi."
relotionship will look like. And since you connot control the interoction
llllllt $s i*lli
T{r
$,o$sll
By going with the flow we don't meon being totolly possive ond not try-
ing to move things into o more seductive reolm; you should toke risks to
filllits
&0
}vs'|tsg
is
moke things os seductive os possible. But if you ore too focused on get-
woy you will miss the direction she wonts things to go. You will miss the
cues she's giving you ond openings lo toke the interoclion deeper.
will olso leorn o lot obout yourself by being o buddy ro onother mon in
is
very help-
focus on whof things need to look like. At the other you need to try to
This meons you hove gools, both shorr ond long-rerm. This meons you
wifi o seduction
plon.
where he feels condescended to, obligoted to poy for things thot don't
mit to soying hi to
l0
few limes per week ond hoving qt leost two Deepening conversotions
(oll of which you will leorn loter in this book). Whotever your gools
ore
fieir
Once ogoin we're not tolking obout being rude or meon, bul sometimes
dotes ore not going well ond even feel reolly bod. We're giving you per-
ter whot. lf they promise to tolk to o cerroin number of women eoch doy
mission to leove these situolions ond go somewhere else. You do not need
to subiect yourself to women ond situolions thot feel bod. You will likely
end up folking to ond doting women who you're not into being oround.
emotionol components to deoling with women; yes, ir feels like your ego
trc
do
is on the line oftentimes, but ir's only o gome. lfs not reor. lt's not o mor-
so.
luurllublruuilriflfr.,
ngrurhlulrrulltrldoEffry8lLi.",
I
I
d
I
So how con you shift the focus from being serious ond heovy to hoving
fun ond enioying the gome? You con stort trocking your progress, doing
Be experimentol. You never know whot will work for you until you
try it. Port of being experimentol is trying new things. Be open to trying
things iusr for the hell of it, checking things oul knowing i/s not thot seri-
o bunch of
interqctions
bebre one works so you might os well rry o bunch of stuff in rhe meontime.
next thing you knew hours hod possed? ln those moments you were in
the flow, you were doncing in the conversotion. You were open ond free
ond iusr reolly synched up with the other person. So how do you replicote thd experience? There is no cleor poth to doing it every doy or ol
will.
o new
wifi nal
opprooch-
es, checking out neur sociol opporfunities ond experimenting with nov
opprooches.
Hqve self-respect.
fiot.
violote your self-respect with o womon, it orouses her contempl for you,
ond she will treot you even worse. lf you stoy oround for thot, she'll hurt
yourself.
betroy yourself ogoin the next lime. To moke motters worse, when you
you even more. You'll be left wondering why you-such o nice, understonding
will
guy-ore cought
oll be becouse you sold your self-respect for sex, which is o bod deol
full-out ond reolize thot this could be their one ond only opportunity to
This doesn'i meon you should be meon lo o womon, go crozy or do ony-
seduce
thing else thot would domoge your self-respect. You iust hove to decide
quickly ond deliberotrely. You oct swiftly ond cut to the chqse. you go for
il. You iump in, You byposs the doubts ond the excuses ond
do it.
o porticulor womon.
lust
ulrlrhnlrhlumnfffl
nuulrllnrmmtnrtsr*iifiE&r;l,
I[u
tr0 tdlh
flts f'l,tsr'
l0 l|l0lllsfi
urgency meons
This is not o proctice life; this is the reol thing' Adding
il' you osk
you osk her oul, you opprooch her rother thon worry obout
you get oul
for her number, you moke the cqll rother thon procrostinote,
life with
ond proctice, you odd o little more do-or-die quolity to your
women.
$0'n&
rother thon to follow her commitment. Another woy ro soy this is to soy
thql women ore, on the whole, more committed to doing whot their emo-
you crozy. h/s not bod, iust different from the woy you qre.
Women wont
to be oble to chonge their minds os much os they wont whenever they
R tEtll Rlll$$
wont for whotever reoson ihey wont or for no reoson ot oll. This moy
0f t[olnBll
seem crozy
hey
We've noticed thot mony of our students ore frustroted becouse
in the some
expect women trc oct the woy men do, ond to be motivoted
o[ the rules
woy men ore. To help correct lhis, we've put trcgether this list
ofwomen.
fiis
up, it's lust o difference in the woys men ond women do things. This
meqns thot when you osk women whot they wont you should provide o
os if they
up or illogicol men. They ore women' lf you relote to women
oct
screwed-up men, you'll olwoys be trying to moke women
coosler to o smooth ride. Another woy to soy this is to soy thoi women
men ore
through o divorce hove found out how surprisingly meon women con
likely to
more likely to hove integrity to their word, women ore more
be. ln some woys this is becouse women ore more invested in the con-
feelings tell
hove integrity to their feelings. This meqns thqt i[ o womon's
do, such os
her to do something thot is controry to whot she soid she'd
cept of foirness thon men ore. while you don't expect life to be foir ond
showing up for
u*ut'ilumrt1iEiflt.
don't think obout it much, the women in your life very well mighr. So if
you feel shqfted, you might not do much obout it'..but if o womon feels
shofted, often she feels il's only foir lor her lo even lhe score ond toke
revenge.
cltflp[Bt' 4
Hflllnu]l$ md00fl0il fllt[
PAnrc Rr0[nn u01n0[
worse, why she doesn't-is olwoys o mistoke. She wonts it becouse she
wonts il. Which, when you think obout it, is bosicolly true for you too.
Give her the spoce lo wonl whot she wonts when she wonts it becouse
you.
rhot there
ore o lot of women oround you oll the time whom you
usuolly tune out
ond ignore? Are you seeing opportunities ond purposefully
not toking
them? Or ore you one of those guys who soys, ,lV'ell,
soying hi to
c0llcil$l0ll
lf you ore reolly going to effectively use ihe tools in this book, you hwe
ic
lll
hove o sense of how trc hondle the "inner gome" of tolking lo women, os
well os the skill-bosed "ouler gome" of tolking
trc
your own foors. ln this chopter you hove storted lhol process. ln the next
chopter; you'll leorn how to hondle foor of reiection ond ponic. Once you
ltllll,hui$$!M.
'le$
The problem with ovoiding poin by never inlerocting with women is thot
you end up with o life in which you ore depressed ond lonely ond (por-
At every stap-getting her number; osking her out, going for thot first kiss,
oll of
sense
even
it-you will
it ond how tc keep moving forword, even in the foce of foor of reiecrion,
is criticol.
women. This choptrer will give you concrete octions ond steps you con
toke to deol with reiection powerfully. This trcol for hondling reiection
is
simple but it hos dromoticolly chonged our lives. Being oble to hondle
reiection is the oil thqt lubricotes our system for tolking lo women. You
must leorn how to use it.
through those nos, those relections, os quickly ond efficienrry os you con
while keeping your spirits high. since we developed this rool, we,ve
Leorning to tolk to ond seduce women is o process, ond eoch step of thot
been oble to lough in the foce of reiecrion (ot leost some of the time),
deol with it ond move on without ir being o big problem (olmost oll of
process you risk reiection. When you interrupl women ond soy hi, you
risk reiection. When you flirt wilh women, you risk reiection. When you
conduct Romonlic Conversotions, you risk reiection. When you osk for o
womon's phone number qnd emoil oddress, you risk reiection' When
you osk o womon for o Priming Dote, you risk reiection. When you go
on o Priming Dole, you risk reiection. When you go for q first kiss, you
risk reiection. When you go for more, you risk reiection. Every step of
the woy, you ore risking reiection with women.
To moke molers worse/ os you leorn how to lolk to women, you ore likeot every step in lhe process ot one time or qnother.
$0DIlcB]|$
When you first stort interrupting ond soying hi lo women, you ore like-
ly to feel s1cpped by the women who reiect your interruptions. ln lime, you
ly to be rejected
ilallilg R0decfl0n
foilwith women hondle reiec-
wifi
women.
uru,hru!$litu|nll*
First, let's toke o look ot how guys who foil with women hondle reiection
of oll of her friends iust ro tqlk obout the houmo thot Bob put
her
ond the feor of reiection. When Bob the bod seducer is reiected by o
womon, the first thing he does is moke thot womon into his "one-ond-
only hope" of ever hoving sex ogoin. He does this by ideolizing her:
"She wos so
prefi
er-ond
ond I never get to meet women like her. She hod the
And then Bob wonders why it tokes him four months to get
up rhe nerve
to opprooch onother womon, ond why torking ro women
is so incredibly hord.
The second thing Bob does is decide thot her reiection of him is his fqult.
He'll tell himself, "She reiected me becouse l'm so ugly ond l'm stupid.
Whol mokes me think l'd be ottroctive lo o womon like her, onywoy? l'm
nol otlroctive. All I om is o piece of shit. I know thot. Plus, whot I soid to
themselves on
her wos incredibly stupid. I reolly hondled it wrong. I reolly freqked her
out. I should iust crowl bock into my hole ond die. l'll never succeed with
to kiss o womon ond she soid, ,,Oh, I only like you os friend,,,
o
we,d
go inio the whole "l suck, she wos so prefl;y', routine. We,d
moke her our
women. Why do I olwoys hove such bod luck with women? I suck."
But
unsuccessful seducers like him, tokes onolher key step loword using this
worse!-ro
o regulor bosis. Heck, we even used to be such guys. lf
Just the other doy we irrlked to o guy who hod this problem.
He told us
"the perfect womon" ond moking the reiection completely his own foult
self o new dose of emotionol poin every time he relives it. He imogines
the look on her foce when she reiected him ond thinks how upset she
musl hove been. He tells himself thot she no doubt convened o meeting
possible so
uruuMbomrdfllllll-
uuu,lrulnumnfiff%.
thot he knows he con survive il no motter how bod it gets. People coto-
they con only feel oll thot poin. once you'reoble to reverse thot process
strophize reiection ond moke it much worse thon it is to see if they con
moke iilhrough. You ore probobly doing the some thing when you tqy
to moke sure you con survive the worsl possible explonotion obout why
o womon moy hove reiected you.
it. Which of our oncestors were more likely to survive-the ones who
lows o three-step process, olbeit o different one from Bob's. when Bruce
never worried obout ony'hing or the ones who worried constontly obout
encounlers reiection, the first thing he does is remind himself thot doting
things thot could go wrong ond who mode sure they were reody for ony
is
bod thing thoi might come olong? Obviously, the oncestors who worried
obout possible future problems hod on edge on those who never worried.
foil onywoy becouse thot's iust life. He soys this to himself: "Greqr. Thofs
one more no I don't hove lo heor on my woy lo on inevitoble yes.,,
The some principle does not hold true when it comes to reiection. Those
who put themselves through the poin of reiection over ond over don'l
not moke it his fouh. specificolly, he creores on explonotion for the reiec-
tion thot is becouse of he4 not becouse of him. He moy soy to himself,
"She must be o lesbion" or "She must be ill,, or ,,Moybe her dog
iust
hove on edge on
fie
sory ond it doesn't help the slightest bit in getting you whot you wont
wifi women. ht
fortunes, mosl of which never hoppened'" You don't need lo hove o life
con lotch on to thot isn't cotostrophic ond thot doesn,t involve him.
of horrible misfortunes thot never hoppened. Jusl becquse you con moke
something bod emotionolly doesn'f meet lhot you should. You ore not
Lefs spend q few moments tolking obour this strep becouse it is so impor-
obligofed to do so iust to prove thot you con survive it. Knowing this will
o lot of fie
required by low to believe ir. The truth is you hove no clue why she reiect-
One of the moin reosons thot tolking to women is so difficult for most
men is thot $ey've creoted so much emolionol poin -thonks to their woy
ed you. Moybe she wqs in o hurry. Moybe her cot died. Moybe she does-
n't speok English. You don't know, ond it doesn'f serve you to believe the
il81r, &0
lilt
f0 l|'8m8fl
tlaNlfllins
Guys so often think thot they ore oll-knowing ond omnipotent. But the
You musl not moke this mistoke. you must come up with
on explonotion
truth is you ore not the center of o womon's universe; she is the center of
for the reiection fhot is not obout you. Let's soy thor ogoin: you must
come up with on explonotion fhot is not obout you. Moke it her
prob-
her universe. The reosons why she does things ore more likely to be
obout her thon obout you. Bul it's incredibly common for o guy ttc think
thot o womon's world is obout him. He'll tell himself,
lem. Moke it
didn't soy hi bock. She could tell thot l'm o bod guy, thot I iust wont to
get in her ponts ond l'm only interesled in sex." Meonwhile, the guy isn't
importont enough to the womon for her to spend her processing cycles
on oll these detoils obout him. She's iust trying to moke it through the
doy, she hos incredible cromps, her feet hurt, she's mod ot her boss or
wholever.
omnesio." "She iusl got out of the hospitol.,, ,,She,s been here since
5
o.m. ond is exhousted." ,,She,s hoving her period.,, lt doesn,f motier.
come up with some explonotion. one thot works reolly well is
"oh,
Believe it or not, the womon who reiected you does hove o life outside
guess she's just reolly in her own world." Usuolly i/s true.
Usuolly women
of you. And thot life is much more likely to be the reoson thot she reiecF
is.
ed you thon is her obility ond inclinotion to see into your soul ond divine
whot o scummy guy you ore. She's iust not thot interested in you. She
hos problems of her own.
Now
the third ond finol step. Afler Bruce reminds himself thot doting
is o numbers gome ond fiol she wosn'r his one-ond-only
hope
ond ofter
DAVID: l'm thinking obout o time o few yeors ogo when I thought I wos
ond she iust trotolly blew me off. She ignored me complebly ond
once ogoin, you ore not required by low to dweil in your suffering
ond
experience the poin of reiection over ond over ogoin
becouse you
wolked owoy. I wos left thinking thot I must hove done something
iusr
'Vell,
qnother
your-
self get into doing it. The longer you woir, rhe more likely it is
you will
when l'm tolking to her." lt turned out she hqdn't heord me! The
ret
heor in her left eor ot oll. I olwoys moke sure to be on her right
rluu
llorll0slllor!{Sf|IllL_,
lrnrur.ilu[ll{f,lllnlL-__
[Eu, ta
&l* |s wrfinn
now?" Often this question will help refocus the energy of the reiection
into some octivity thqt is useful to you. One mon we know wos fli*ing
online with o womon whom he hod previously hod sex with ond whom
he wos hoping to get into bed with ogoin. At one point in their lnstont
Messoge conversotion, she storted telling him obout this new guy she
hod met ond obout how he hod come over for o night of hot sex the
evening before.
succeeds.
Remember thot you hove to do oll three steps; you con't just
do the one
you like the best. Lefs go over rhese three sreps one more rime
she wos o very unsloble olcoholic (which wos true| ond wos probobly
ond then
'
worked. He stopped thinking obout the reiection ond got into thinking
The importont thing is thot you redirect your ottention to something spe-
womon wqs not your one-ond-only hope for sex. Remember thot
this is one more no on the woy to the inevitoble yes.
cific. l/s not enough to tell yourself, "Don'l think qbout lhe reieclion"
wifiout putting some other octivity into its ploce. You need to think obout
something specific or you'll iust end up thinking obout the reieclion you
TilAMDM$
ulut!,luttruooilluun;f,
ur{uirutomruilffEl.*__:,__r-,,_^l
DAVID: Greot. How obout fhe fiird step, which is redirecting your
ottention? Did you find yourself iust noturolly going over it ogoin
RON: I wos eoting lunch ond I went up to this womon behind the
counter who wos reolly hot. I soid, "Hi, my nome is Ron, how ore
you doing?" And she iust turned owoy ond she didnt tolk to me.
os possible.
RON: Right, I could hove done thot. I could soy to myself, "Hey, doling is o numbers gome. lt's not like there oren't 20 women in this
ploce right now. I gol upset becouse this one didn't work
out-l
don't need to do thot. Also, thofs iust one more reieclion I don't
Do you get whot we're tolking obout here? This reolly is obout leorning
is something
DAVID: Whol wos the first thing thd you did? Did you blome yourself
or whot?
RON: I thought, well, ieez, she's so hot, why isn't she tolking to me? I
must hqve blown it in some woy. Did I soy the wrong thing? Am I
DAVID: I went on o dote with this girl. She wos reol pretty; I reolly
liked her. We hod onother dote plonned, but she sent me on emoil
soying she's still reolly in love with her ex-bofriend ond she,s
why she might hove totolly blown you off thot hove nothing to do
with you? Just generote some of lhose'
gone bock to him ond they ore living together ogoin ond she
doesn't wont to go out with me ofter oll. She soid she hoped we
RON: Hmm, nothing cruel obout thot, eh? So first of oll-whot wos
the first thing thot you did?
DAVID: I thought, "God, you know, thot wos such o pretty girl ond we
RON: Well, obviously she wqs working, so perhops she hod some
work to do. Thot might hove been one possibility. Or perhops
she
went on thot dote ond the dote went so well ond she hod so much
cleovoge ond I loved her hoir ond there reolly oren,f thot mony
Or she moy nol hove felt very good-it wqs the oft'ernoon, moybe
she wos
Now let's wotch Ron cooch Dovid through the reiection process.
usu,hutn$ouulllllll-.
uuu,hruhilo$d$re",
ll{r1r s8
lnll{ l0 lystltsn
RON: So, you foiled lo remember thot il's o numbers gome. Whot
ond over ond telling oll my friends obour this horribre rejection...
DAVID: I could hove soid, "Of course! Stotisticolly, tho/s gonno hop-
pen o certoin omount of time. Thofs the kind of thing thot hoppens
use?,,
RON: Whot did you moke il meon? Whot wos your inlerpretolion?
Why did she send you this emoil?
we hove done
this to the point where it is outomotic. When we ger reiecred,
our broins
DAVID: Well, tho/s becouse she couldn't even beor to see my foce.
l'm so hideous thot I drove her bock to her ex-bofriend! I knew
this would hoppen! This olwoys hoppens to mel Why does this
sort of thing olwoys hoppen to me? Why don't women like me?
l'm iust not lovoble. l'll never hove the girl I wont! All I con hove
is
DAVID: Well, she's reolly mixed up right now. Moybe she is reolly in
love with her ex-bofriend. Thot doesn't hove onything to do with
P8r081l[ru0$ am PruBAililfl0$
DAVID: one rhing fiorwe hove found ro be incredibly helpful
in deoling with the inevitobility of o certrrin omounr of reiection
is pufting o
percentoge likelihood on onything thot moy hoppen.
Soy Ron is get_
trc
Moybe she is reolly confused. And you know whot? She wosn't
thot hot! h/s not like there oren't hundreds ond thousonds of
women oround who ore thot hol ond hotter! She's not thot hot o
something like
percent.,,
commodity.
il-did
il
lllllouboil$tlll[nlL
nuuhuhnurrffi*lr
llsilt
bNl
lalx l0 w0'nsNt
llerdiins *s,isstisn d{ld ssni* $fr$llns $J$m$n
20-oll
I need is
chonce; no big deol thot it didn't work out. And o couse for celebrotion
when it doesl
o l0
percent
DAVID: Yep, with thot girl lwos telling you obout, I gove it o 50-50
chonce thot she would go bock to her ex-boyfriend, becouse of the
woy thot she wos tolking obout him. Tho/s whot occurred. Those ore
the numbers. Thofs
fie gome.
eosier.
"Greot, I hove o 90 percent chonce with thot womon ocross the bor."
Well, you olmosl never hqve o 90 percenl chonce with o womon. You
musl mqke o more reolistic probobility stotement.
We use this tool in every oreq of our lives. Whot ore the odds of
us geF
ting fhis new book deol? Soy we think i/s 40 percent. lf so, oll we need
is
wrire il down.
Very often guys storl oul overly optimistic obout their chonces, so they're
o little more thon possible deols ond ir'll be likely thotwe'll hove o deol
going. This is something for you to ploy oround with. lt moy be useful
ttttnuhulnualrrlrEEn
uruulllrbnuwqfiff
ll81u
sll
T8llr
l0 sjsms|l
doy ond then spend five minutes in the evening writing down ond clor-
ifying whot they did in their heods eorlier. Some men set oside o couple
motlers.
After you've written it down o number of times, you won't need to wrile
Do
process thoroughly you will feel completely better. sometimes you'll feel
hove to woit to experience reiection lo use this process. You con olso use
feor of rejection trying to slop you. Tell yourself, "lf this doesn't go the
Whot is not occeptoble is doing the reiection process ond feeling zero
percent, one percent or lwo percent betier. you oren't done with the
process until you feel substontiolly better ond hove some energy to move
gome ond thot this will be one more no on the woy to my eventuol yes.
So even if she soys no lo me, this interoction will get me closer lo my
on to something else. lf you find you don't feel better, go through the
process ogoin. Remind yourself thot doting is o numbers gome; reolly
gool. Also, if she reiects me, it will probobly be becouse she is in her
feel how you've iust heord one more no thor you'll never need to heor
own world or hos o heodoche todoy or something like thot. lf she does-
ogoin. come up with new, more compelling reosons thot moke the reiec-
n'i work out, l'll go tolk to thot other womon over there. Piece of coke,
l'm reody to go!" This will prime your broin qnd put the interoction in
tion her problem, not yours. Find something thot you reolly wqnt to do
ond thot engoges your focus. And keep doing this until you feel some
emotionol movement. Until thot hoppens, you reolly oren't finished with
it when you ore thinking obout opprooching o womqn ond you feel the
hondling
0e[ RedSc[B[!
The only circumstonce under which you will not need ro moster the reiec-
process. lf you go for the first kiss qnd she soys she iust wonls to be
lion process is if you ore nor getting reiected-ond if you ore nor geiling
reiected you ore not doing enough interruptions ond initiorions wirh
women ond you orc much less likely to succeed with them.
becouse it meons thot you ore toking oction with women, toking risks
"l
in the flow, rother thon something thot rokes them out of the gome.
we've heord rumors thot hockey god Gordie Howe would puke in the
locker room before every gome. He would be overcome with onxiety,
but he leorned how to feel the feor ond go for it onyvoy. our hope is
thot you loo con leorn how ro honsform your feor ond use it to your
odvontoge.
kept me olive os I went through lots of women till I found whot I wos
looking for." These tools con help you too.
Lefs get reol: if there's one thing thor generotrss ponic, i/s going
up to
fie
ote inleroction with o womon in o ploce like o bor or the street when you
her.
ollout ponic ond totol terror. We've worked with men on oll points of the
these situotions is very common, so we're going to teoch you some bosic
spectrum. The tools in this section ore for men who hove
mib or smoll
omounts of ponic. lf you suffer from oll-out ponic ottocks with women,
Mony of us mistokenly think there ore men out $ere who ore seduclion
mosters who never experience ony feor ond con go up to ony womon
expertise' We con tell you thot if you hove ponic ottocks there is help.
ot ony time ond seduce them. The truth is thot we oll get scored ond feor-
women for the first time, qnd so do oll of our studenls. The point is to
leorn how to hondle onxiety ond ponic ond opprooch women even
Here ore o few tools for you to leorn ond proctice. The more you con
Mony top othletes experience feor ond nervousness before going into o
big gome, but they've leorned lo use feor to their odvontoge. They've
leorned to use the feor os o molivolor, os somelhing thot helps tham gci
Uulll,lrutrul!!!ufru_
llslr
ur!
lsill te
|ry|l|$s{t
fiing thot
This will
chonges is his
offect your posture ond breothing, ond your overoll sense of confidence
with women. stort by recolling o time when you reolly hod bolls, when
you feorlessly went for something ond produced on extroordinory result.
becouse when
den his body shifts into fight-or-flight mode. When you breothe ropidly
ond shollowly, your broin is olso offected; you think less cleorly ond
enter o spirol thot leods to more ponic. The trick is lo stort deep breoth-
ing before you get neryous oround women ond to continue deep breothing when you opproqch women.
When you recoll o fime you felt powerful, you don,t hove to drow on o
situotion where you felt powerful with women. lr could be o footboll
gome/ o roce you won/ when you osked for o roise, o greot speech you
gove or ony moment of victory in your life. lt's o woy to boost your con-
o few minutes of
fidence. lfs o woy for you lo tell yourself, ,yes, l,ve got bolls, l,ve done
stuff thot is omozing, I con do this-no question obout it, no doubt.,,
deeply, you should be much colmer. Proctice this on o doily bosis so thot
momenls too.
lf you toke o few seconds trc recoll o time you were powerful, you'il
bd
lhose
l0
breothing
in bed or on the beoch; moybe it/s your boyhood home or your fovorite
nolure
motter.
moments ond use your post success to fuel your confidence with women
trcdoy.
octuolly works.
es up. Affer you hove done some deep breothing ond visuorized success,
is
ifs olso useful to srretch your body to help it relox. stond up ond toke o
very usefi,'l in getting yourself into o reloxed, ployful mode. The cool porl
few minutes to stretch your body from heod to toe. Breothe os you do it.
is thot you con use the some reloxing scene over ond over ogoin, which
The next time you're stressed ond wonr to opprooch o womon/ go into
will help you stoy colm. You con keep recolling lhot scene eoch time you
feel nervous.
rllru lr ullrhr
!!l!!urlL
ll0u
tr0
lilfi n
1|r0m0n
before you ore going to trclk to o womon your thoughts get ugly-reol
fure someone you trust ond imogine them offering you suppod ond
ugly. You ihink obout oll your post foilures, oll the woys in which you
suck, oll the reosons you're o foilure with women. ln the foce of oll thot
visuolize onybody who hos been o supportive figure in your life. Who
food, sporls, sex/ your fovorite movie, whotever. When you hel stressed
ore the supportive figures in your life now? who ore your best friends?
ond nervous, thinking obout something you enioy will help perk you uP
lmogine they ore there behind you, on your teom, encouroging you to
go up ond tqlk to thot womon you,re scored to tolk to.
You con even imogine thot someone like John Trovolto (in his role in the
meon you ore going lo hove it the next. We heor thot people who med-
itote for yeors ond yeors often comment thot they get io o ploce where
"Come on, you con do it, you con do it. We hove totol foith in you!,, This
they stop toking their thoughts, feelings ond body sensolions seriously.
movie Gef shortyl, o rock sto4 someone you odmire or o politicol figure
soying,
They reolize thot ot every moment there ore new thoughts ond sensotions possing through their body, ond thot's iust life.
Toking q wqlk.
for o few minutes. While you're out, do some deep breorhing ond enioy
The experience of meditqlors suggests thot we ore olwoys in o stote of
the fresh oir. And while you're wolking, think obour someone you enioy
flux. One momenl we might be foeling extreme leor ond the next
moment the feor will turn into something difhrent. You ore olwoys
Toking o wolk con be reolly useful in chonging your internol store, cleor-
this ponic thought for more thon o minute or lwo; then it will chonge.
ing your heod ond colming you down enough to opprooch the womon
Remind yourself thot your thoughts ond body sensotions ore nol reol ond
trc
ll
uurlou[olllooillnfl;;
postures con help you remoin colm. Mony students hove reported thot
leorning toi chi or yogo is greotly useful in leorning to stoy colm. You
con pick up books on these types of exercise or toke courses. Since toi
chi, chi kung ond yogo tend to be meditotive, students often find they
con use the skills to stoy colm in their doily lives, porticulorly in stressful
cltflp[Et' I
nn[lllg, "lllllt['ff
millllll ffit[?"
trll0 $u0l'u
siluotions.
Drinking heovily.
usuolly bockfire. Perhops you'll colm down, but you might olso become
o belligerent jerk. You need to gouge how often ond how much you
drink so thot you con feel confident qnd orticulote ond think cleorly
few thot should be helpful. lf there ore proclices you use to decreose
your onxiety, keep doing them. lf you heor of ofier exercises, definitely
try them. The point is lo find proctices you con toke on to remoin colm
Feeling tense ond ofrqid is perfectly normol, but hoving tools to overcome your feor is whot's most importont. Proclice o few of lhese moves
this problem, no motter where you qre on the ponic speclrum, lhere
hope.
is
And
uuu,llrubruillluxrlL
uml.lllft
r*.
ll0trmauill{0ln0n
fiir&ins" 'trrh&?
The third phose is the ropport phose, lhe romonce-building phose. Thot
Before we get into the specific tolking ond flirting skills, there ore o few
is when you ore hoving o conneciion with somebody in which she feels
like you underslond her, she feels like she understonds you ond you iust
tion wifh o womon, leoving her wonting more ond other foctors in how
sees you os o
Finolly, the fifth phose is getting inlo more "heovy''sexuol stuff. You storF
iust how urgent the situotion with her is. Every mon hos hod o wonder-
moking her see you os o romontic possibility. Now you ore initioting thol
ful womon wolk out of his life forever becouse he wosn't conscious of
how urgenl it wos to toke o risk with her right then. Understrrnding the
hove
occomplish this.
three time fromes of on interoction will help keep thot from hoppening.
You only hqve q few minutes. ln this situotion you only hove o
few minules, or moybe iust o few seconds, to moke contocr. you ore on
o troin or in o line ond this is your one-ond-only chonce. you soy hi to
her ond it leods to o conversotion. You hove to get her number or emoil
stoges one through five over ond over ogoin. You ore olwoys going to
come bock to your stote of mind ond getting yourself prepped. You ore
this situotion you hove to cut to the chose quickly. you hove to risk o lot
while in line ot the post office. There wos o pretfy girl who wos olso in line
you ore holding honds ond you stop holding honds then you go bock
who mode eye contrcct with him severol fimes. He soid hi ond they storted
into the interruption phose. You might be moking out ond oll of o sud-
trc
chot, but her furn come up ot the counrer ond she wos drown owoy.
den find yourself bock in the ropport-building phose. A dote is unpredictoble. You hove to let thot flow hoppen.
ruu,lr{rbunU[flln,.
lnullrldhru
Alter she finished her business ond wos leoving, he got out of line ond
followed her inlo the lobby. "Excuse me," he soid, "but I iust got ihe
loke more risk when you osk for the number of o womon you ore in line
with thon you do to get her number when you see o womon twice o
strong feeling thot I ought to soy hi lo you. I know il seems slronge, but
I iust hod this feeling obout you. Could I hove your emoil oddress, ond
10flu8 ilBl'
l/s best to leove o womon wonting more. Thot meqns ifs beiter if your
conversotions with her ore shod.
o porty or o work-reloted octivity where you know the womon you ore
interested in is going to be oround for
uflll[lllg
ln0n8
risk it oll right owoy; you con offord to woit, to toke smoll risks with her
over o few hours rother thon toking o reolly big risk oll ot once.
Thofs not how mosr guys flirt wirh women. wirh most guys, if on interoction with o womon is going well, they push it ond keep tolking until
something bod hoppens. only when rhere's o problem or bod feeling
bock ond see over ond over or lhe womon in your oerobics closs who
olwoys works out ol
much more
with the womon do they sfop. Thot meons they olwoys monoge ro end
their interoctions with women on sour notes. Thofs bod.
Knowing these three lime fromes helps you know how much you must
These guys think, '!V'ow, this is going greot. Therefore, l,m not going
to
risk ond how quickly you must do so. lf you ore putting gosoline into
come bock ond tqlk to her more loter; l'm going to stoy here qnd be
your cor ond the womon of the nexl cor is otlroctive qnd you wont to
omozed thot i/s going well until she inevitobly gets bored. when she
gets bored I will get tense ond then when r get tense I will mess evelrthing up ond she will finolly soy, ,Oh, I hove to leove.,,,
tolk to her then you hod better risk o lot right then, becouse she is obout
to disoppeor from your life. On the other hond, if thot some womon
shows up ot on eight-week closs you ore toking, you don't hove lo risk
big right owoy by going for her phone number or emoil oddress.
You
con risk big if you wont, but you cqn olso toke smoller risks ond seduce
her over time.
lltuuhrutfffio4{fll}
okoy, moybe no guy octuolly thinks thqt-but thot's how it works out in
proctice.
flirnills, 'T*ksm
Unfortunotely,you will find o woy to blow it during those first inleroctions if you give it enough time. Therefore you hove
tro
so
you con feel your voice originoting from deeper in your body rother
thon exclusively from your throot ond heod. This will give your voice
Your
Proctice breothing from deeper in your body. Breothe more deeply ond
let your stomoch go in ond out os you do. Then toke o deep breoth
oble experience qnd leove her wonting to see you ogoin. lf i/s going
well, don't breok the rules-get out of there on o high note so she's left
owore of the speed ot which you tolk. some men tork so quickly thot
less.
they're exhousfing for women to listen to. lf you tend to ,,speed rop,, peoThot is olso o woy to keep yourself empowered. lf you stop your flirting
ple, you need to proctice slowing down. lf you notice yourself tolking
interoctions wilh women while they qre still fun, you con be hoppy oboul
reolly quickly, pouse ond toke o deep breoth. sometimes blinking slow-
lfll
ly helps.
seduce olive.
By the some token, we've worked with some men who tolk so
sroily ond
boring-ro listen to
them. lf you're q mon who tolks ve4y slowly, you might consider being
o little more onimoted in your speoking. Breothing more deeply will help
As you stort using the iechniques in his book, you'll noturolly begin to
into ond speok from their upper chests ond throots. This gives their voic-
es
it
women.
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lilflt?"
Now thot you hove some focility with interrupting women ond soying hi
ond we've gone over some other fundomentols/ we con stort teoching
world of v/omen is in the detoils. she works hord on the detoils of her
er reolly well. Once you understond ond stort to use these skills, you'll
see how you con flow from one lo onother ond reolly hove
o romontic,
is
Second, these skills ore eminently leornoble. You con leorn the bosics
quickly, proctice them, review your progress ond get good ot them. They
other men. Mosl men don't see detoils, or if they do, they don,t comment
on lhem. Noticing detoils sets you oport from the crowd. lt mokes you
gifted hypnotist to use them. These skills, olong with the skills for inter-
more otlroctive.
her.
rupting ond initioting with women, will help you creote romonlic con-
'Who/s the story behind thot?" is o simple question ro osk ofter you,ve
soid hi ond noticed some detoil of o womon's presentotion. lf you,ve gotThere ore five
ten qt oll good ot soying hi, using this skill is eosy. ,lVhot,s the story
behind fiot?" is on excellenl question to osk o womon: ilrs open-ended
ond it gives her o chonce to tolk obout something thot might be impor-
tont to her.
Siluotidnql Fli*ing
Deepening
con soy,
We'll deol with the first flirting skill right now ond cover the others in
loter chopters.
ll
lt{u,lllltum||{IHIIIL
,,1
nsu"
Almost every womon hos o detrcil obout her obout which you could osk
thot?" She soid, "Oh, I got this on my hip to lndio.,, I bllowed up:
'lVhot's the story behind thot?" You might soy, 'Thot looks like on inter-
esting book you're reoding. Whofls the strcry behind lhot?" or "l see you're
behind fhot?" or "l hoven't seen o loptcp compufier like thot before. Who/s
trc
the stcry behind fiot?" lt is o greot woy to open up olmost qny converso-
We'll show you more detoiled exomples of how to sustoin ond deepen
tion.
the conversotions
thot'lVhofs
We con heor you soying, "But osking lVhot's the story behind thot
oll you hove to worry obout is soying hi, noticing o detoil ond geiling
mogozine you ore reoding' doesn't moke sensel" You're right-ond thot
one simple question out of your mouth: 'lVhofs the story behind thqt?,,
lock of "sense" is port of the power of the question. h's very open, so
she's free to interpret il ony woy she wonls, ond thot might leod to some-
thing interesting. At the worst, she'll osk you, 'lVhot do you meon?" ond
you con osk o follow-up queslion such os 'lVhot is it obout thot mogozine thot you like?" or "Are there ony orticles in it thot porticulorly interested you?"
Of course, ifs better to notice detoils obout physicol oppeoronce lhot ore
more meoningful to her thon her loptop or the mogozine she is corry-
ing, but there moy not olwoys be something like thot ovoiloble. lf so, il's
'lVhot's the story behind thot neckloce?" she ctln onswer by tolking
osk,
obout how she got it in lndio or how she mode it herself or how it olwoys
RON: Asking 'lVho/s the story behind thot?" con work reolly well. For
inslonce, I wos tolking
trc
reminds her of her first dog or whotever she wonts. The question does-
nt
wos right in front of me, so I soid hi ond she soid hi bock. I noficed
she hod on this lndion brocelet with oll these morkings on it, so
But
incorrectly, you
will
soid to her; 'tVow, thot is o reolly interesting brocelet thot you hove
onswers, which is bod. See if you con spot the errors in the following
on. I hoven'l seen onything like thot bebre. Who/s the strcqy behind
lwo exomples.
uuu,lllrburmflffI
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ihe story behind thot?" ond it totolly didn't work. We osked him to tell
ln lhe second exomple, the mon soid, "Thots o reolly inferesling scorf
you're weoring. ls thot o fomily heirloom?,, Once ogoin, he limited her
,lVhots the
stoqy behind
this womon ond I sow thot she hod on o reolly interesling pin, so I soid
thoP" she could hove tolked obout whot she wonted to tolk obout ond
things would hove worked out much better.
her, 'Oh, thofs on inleresting pin. Where did you get it?' And she
soid, 'Oh, I got it qt q siore.' Thot wos the end of the conversotion-it
lf he hod
osked,
Another cooching client sow o womon who wqs weoring o reolly inter-
rolly to
esting scorf. He soid to her, 'lV'ow, tho/s o reolly interesling scorf you're
ing skills.
weoring. ls thot o fomily heirloom?" She gosped ond soid, "Oh god,
hope
not-l
'who/s
the stoqy behind fhof?" ond rhor leods into the other flirt-
c0llcilfl0ll
Did you spot the errors? Both of these men osked the question in woys
'lVhott
thot limited the onswers the women could give. The first guy soid, "Thofs
tion. lt gels most women to open up immediotely ond tell you intimote
on interesling pin. Where did you get it?" Well, there's o very simple
detoils obout themselves. After they've told you these detoils, ir's horder
onswer to thot question: "l got it ol o store." The question limited the kind
of onswer she con give; she could only tolk obout where she obtoined
it, which wos probobly boring for both her ond the mon.
On the other hond, soying, 'Thofs on interesting pin, whofs the story
behind lhot?" is very open. She con onswer with olmost onything thot
inierests her. She could soy, "l got it in New Zeolond" or "l gol it ot he
or o brocelet. When you see it, osk her, 'nVho/s the story behind thot?,,
moll" or "l got it for myself with my Christmos money." lt leoves her with
uuufrall
cllap[0r
R0lnm[|c lll0ug$,000mu9
lllrurucfl0ll
I[0
We're obout to teoch you seven Romontic Moves (olso colled Flirting
Moves) to memorize ond implement in your life. When you implement
these moves while tolking to women your success rote
will
increose
The moin reoson some men get stuck in the friend zone is becouse they
don't know how to show fteir romontic interesl. Other men get stuck in
the friend zone becouse they're ofroid of being reiected. Men in both
cotegories con leorn the Romontic Moves, use them without risking their
heorts ond souls, ond finolly stop coming ocross os perpetuol friends.
lf you're like o lot of our students, you've looked ot the bod boys who
get women ond decided you weren't going be like them. You probobly
decided thot
if getting women
to lie, monipulote
il0ur
t0 l0l[
T[ l/llome[
There is good news, however: you don't need to be o ierk to gel women,
though you con leqrn some things from the bod boys. The bod boys ore
willing to show their romontic inlerest right owoy ond risk rejection. The
bod boys ore willing to be upfront with their sexuol inlerest. You con
leorn lo be up front ond show your romontic interesl to women in woys
thot ollow them to feel opprecioted ond respected. We'll show you how.
R0lnall[lc |n0u8$
You musl leorn oll seven of the moves ond proctice them. When unsuccessfi-rl seducers
they give up. Gropple with yourself ond overcome ony resistonce you
hove lo procticing ond integroting the Romontic Moves into your doting
life.
When you meet o womon for the first time, i/s cruciol thot she knows
yov're o romqntic possibility. lf she sees you os only o friend, it's hord to
become her lover. We believe thol women decide within three minutes
of meeting o mqn if he's o potentiol lover or not. lf you send cleor signols
the
developing loter.
or lwo Romontic Moves. lf you only use one or two moves when you flirt
successfi.rl. You
strong signols obout your inlerest. When you meet o womon for the first
time, you need lo do ot leost four of the Romontic Moves so you send o
cleor signol thot you ore romonticolly interested.
Men oflen think thot the Romontic Moves do not opply if o womon
is
extremely ottroctive. You follow the some rules when deoling with hot
women os you do with olhers. Show your romonlic interest right owoy
with ollwomen.
long" creoles o momenl of intimocy between you ond her. ln holding eye
contoct, you're creoling
Moves. Find the ones thot ore toughest for you ond keep procticing them
ond be more cqulious, but you're no longer iust o friend. You ore stepping into the potentiol lover cotegory ond creoting moments of infimocy
by moking eye contoct with
her.
until they feel noturol. Hopefully some of them will be eosy for you. lf so,
keep procticing them ond refining your skills. After o while, when you/re
fomilior with oll seven moves , yov'll find yourself effo*lessly integroting
them into your flirting ond your conversotions with women.
It
Here's how to do
il
conversotionol lull, hold eye contoct for iust o beot too long, iust until ifs
o little uncomfortoble.
uuu,[rrfl
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iust
o little
SslrsbuG
tntn0{lcti0n
ting cought looking. Looking info o womon's eyes too long will greotly
enhonce your seductive presence.
slqres too long ond too deeply. He lenses up his body, leons in close to
her foce ond stores ot her long ond hord. The key to looking into o
womon's eyes "loo long" is to ovoid turning it into o big deol. Look into
her eyes for o beot too long-iust long enough to creote o speciol
momenl.
ocross
lf you're o guy who tends to ovoid eye conioct ond store ot the floor, you
When you're with o womon, moke decisions quickly ond eosily. lf you,re
need to proctice looking into women's eyes when you trrlk. Hoving o dif-
on o dote ond you con sil in one corner of the coffee shop or the other,
ficult time moking ond holding eye contoct is o very common problem,
but there is help. The cure is to stort looking women directly in ihe eye
selecting
meel for o dote. pick quickly. When you're out with q womon, she needs
trc
women?
to
to see thotyou're o decisive mon. This doesn't meon you lurn into o deciYou con develop new skills wifh women, like tolking ond mointrcining eye
sion Nozi ond never osk for her inpur. lt does meqn, howevel thot when
lhere ore times for quick decisions during o dote you oct decisively.
oble things ond experiment with new behoviors. When you proclice
shetching yourself in new woys, you will eventuolly become desensitized
Wink. Winking
ond fuel comfortrrble being with women. lf you're willing to stort smoll
ond build your confidence slowly over time, you'll evenluolly overcome
fun ond infimote. Friends don't wink ot eoch other; potenriol lovers do.
is
your feors ond be successful. lf you hove o hqrd time looking o womon
in the eyes when you tolk, stort procticing todoy. Over the next few
monlhs you will feel more confident ond comforlrble initioling ond hold-
Lefs go over how to look into o womon's eyes "loo long" once ogoin.
It iust tokes o second ond is very eosy. lt helps to smile ofter you wink to
Look into her eyes ond hold eye contoct iust o wee bit too long so you
moke the inleroction feel wormer. You con wink ot ony point in o con-
get into the intimocy zone. Proctice holding eye conloct ond proctice get-
versolion with o womon. Moybe you're tolking to her ond you,re both
lfl
lurlluttutrmffIn
[0ru m
afi
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ull0nsn
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loughing obout something ond you give her o little wink. Moybe you're
Check out her body. Checking out o womon's body does not meon
looking ot o womon ocross o room ond you give her o wink. Winking
you slore ot her cleovoge for hours ond hours (even though we oll love
o little intimole momenl between you ond her. The key to success
lo see greot cleovoge). This does not meon you drop some chonge on
the ground ond try to look up her skirt while you're picking up the coins
shored moment between the two of you, not o long uncomfodoble ordeol.
thot fell in front of her. This meons you check our her body in o respect-
creotes
fulwoy.
Here's how to blow it:
o
.
.
r
There's o porodox obout mony women. On lhe one hond, they're offend-
lf you contorl your foce ond look like on oxe murderer while blink-
ed when you store ond check out their bodies too long. On rhe other
ing both of your eyes ot ropid speed, you will not come ocross os
hond, they work out oll the time so they con hove greoi bodies, dress
romontic.
greot ond weor push-up bros. Women wont you to look ot their bodies
lf you wink ot o womon ond then run toword her, you will look
so they fuel opprecioted; they iust wonr you to be somewhot subtle so they
like o stolker.
don't feel completrely obiecrified. Yes, ifs o rough line to wolk sometimes,
bul we've got some tips thofll be useful in figuring out this mess.
.
.
ln
less thon
Come bock up to her eyes ond foce, smile ond keep on tclking
Winking is o greot romonlic move becouse ifs not something most men
do; il/s out of the ordinory. When you wink ot q womon it cotches her
i/s so fost ond strrrts ond ends with her foce it comes ocross os respectfr.rl.
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Checking out o womont body is o good move becouse ifs not something
o friend would do. A friend might woit until she wosn't looking ond then
try to look down her shirt. When yov're oble to check out q womon
choir like you're bored to teors. Now sir up ond reod this book like
you're gefting o million dollors of volue from Louis & Copelond. Whofs
quickly, you're letting her know you're romonticolly interested in her ond
the difference in your body posture? Whofs the difference in your oilen-
not o ierk.
tion? How does your body feel? When you ore in o stote where you ore
otlenlive ond keeping your body powerful it will show in your body lonHere's how to blow it:
When you're interocting with o womon ond keeping your body power-
ful, you're not distrocled. You're poying oilention to her, not checking out
Soy "l om sloring ol your bodocious tits" when she osks you whot
Tense up
t*re whites of
don't store ot her cross-eyed ond never blink while tolking. Just focus on
the womon you're tolking to ond keep your body powerful.
You're checking oul women oll the time onyrvoy, so you might os well
compliments o womon, you soy, 'Wow, thofs o reolly nice briefcose you
hove." When you compliment o womon the woy o potrentiol lover com-
seduction
hove reolly beoutiful eyes. ll's reolly o pleosure to meel you.,, ln compli-
heroes in the movies? ls ii Will Smith? John Trovolto? Billy Bob Thornton?
menling o womon the woy o lover does, you stoy owoy from imperson-
Clint Eostwood? Humphrey Bogort? The nome of your screen hero isn't
ol complimenls. As o potentiol lover; you wont to let her know thol you,re
importont; the point is thot you'll likely be more seductive if you model
noticing romontic detoils obout her ond you're willing to toke risks in
your behovior ond poslure on your hero. Men who ore seductive hold
tolking to her.
ing they come ocross os both foscinoted ond foscinoting. The woy to do
this is to pretend thot you ore foscinoted, foscinoting ond powerful ond
how beoutiful you ore for o second" or "You hove on omozing sense of
stylo" or "Your smile brightens up the whole room. ,, l[ yov,re being intro-
usu,rlpullullllll
ururulfnnrldt
llsrir t0
lilfi
lo lvsm8ll
p0ma,l&i$ t{$}ss,
&sltd0ss ll}$rs{[|ebif,t
duced to o womon by o mutuol friend, for instonce, you might soy, "Oh,
so this is the beoutiful Jennifer l've heord so much oboul."
$ol o womon
A poten-
womqn on her smile? whot feels too overtly sexuol to you? Whot
seems
cheesy to you? Get ouf there ond find the style thot's best for
you. When
Somelimes friends ond lovers moy notice the some thing obout q womon
Whisper
to
but they will bring il up in very different woys. A friend might notice o
o
moment of intimocy between the two of you. lt's like the resr
of the world
neckloce ond soy, 'Thq/s o veD/ nice neckloce." A potentiol lover might
o reolly lovely
it
iust
soy,
belt
ond shoes motch. They drow out the color in your eyes ond moke you
rrc
,,1
hove ic con_
rrc
you.,,
situotions
Leon into her ond soy o few quiet words; then leon out ond
tolk
normolly.
woy to stoy perfectly sofe is lo remoin in the friend zone. lf you're willWhispering's o woy of drowing in your personor spoce ond moking
rhe
conversotion more intimote.
tl
urllrirulurutllll$l
UWMIryIfl
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srnfi k
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lfs risky in thot you ore going out of your woy ond showing romontic
interest directly.
feors, so is not threotening to her. ll,s olso quick ond it gives you on eosy
"too long," mqke decisions quickly ond eosily, wink ot o womon, check
out her body, compliment her, keep your body powerful ond whisper to
her, you
gym or o woitress who didn't serve your toble or ony womon you see
Keep trock
of how mony
Which ore eosy ond which ore difficult? Find the moves thol score you
ond wont lo opprooch, buf the noturol flow of things hosn't thrown the
two of you together.
mosl ond try them onywoy. The more you proctice them, the less intimi-
doting they'll be. lf one of the Romontic Moves is eosy for you, refine it
when you're leoving o bor, reslouronl, store or wherever you moy be.
in
o hot womon
When you wont to interocf with o womon who intimidotes you. The Goodbye lntroduction is designed to be over quickly;
il doesn't put you in o situotion where you ore foced with o womon without horing ony ideo whot
tll
tu,u,h9ubllsf,gllll[
b soy or do.
need. ll,s not designed to get you her number or emoil oddress, though
you con use it for thot; ifs designed to get you into the gome of seduc-
Tell her
thing like "l hove to go nov/' or "l'yegorio run, my friends ore woiting for
yov're leoving.
me outside."
u0l|ft$
This is o very importont step. Most of the time, women you don,r know
well qre going to osk themselves some combinotion of three things when
lmogine you're ot the gym ond you see o womon who's reolly ottroctive.
But she's busy lifting weights, ond it seems like your gym isn't such o
you first interrupt them or toke o conversotion into deeper, riskier territory. These questions ore obout her sofety; they ore 'Whot is he going
me?"
ing. Then, on your woy out, introduce yourself like this (smile while you
do it!): "Hi, l'm iust leoving ond I only hove o second here, but before
go I reolly wonted to inhoduce myself to the womon who hos such wonderful form. My nome is Ron." She'll soy something bock like "Oh hi,
my nome is Mondy." Then you soy, "l've gotto go, but I hope to see you
This is why, when you do the Goodbye lntroduction, your first words ore
sofety questions is importonl, ond soying "l hove to leove" or some voriThis simple infieroction creotes on opening
next time
you see her ("Hi Mondy, how ore you?"l.lt olso gives you o woy of interocting with her
br
the first time without there being much risk for either of
lrall
her right owoy thot you qre leoving, she's less likely
ic be ofroid of you wosting loh of her time. lt olso builds your esleem ond
h/s importont
teoches your nervous system thot you con ocfuolly survive tolking to beou-
olwoys foil; they end up soying something like "l'm not o stolker or ony-
tiful women, which mokes il more likely thot you'll do it ogoin in the future,
uunSErI[
Uulutrulbfillrlufu
ll0uj 00 mn I0 tll0ln0n
lntroduce yourself.
She'll
stolker? ls it
she'll probobly respond by relling you her nome ond being friendly.
After oll, whot does she hove fo lose if you're obout fo leove onyrvoy?
From there you con either moke some chitchot (which we,ll tolk obout
Soying
"l
onswers her sofety questions well enough for her to relox ol leqst o little.
This ollows her to be more open ond receplive to whot you soy next,
when you...
whof it
women directly ond romonticolly, ond o big port of becoming o seducer is becoming thot klnd of guy. Anhis point in the seduction skill build-
You
simply soy, "but I iust couldn'l leove without infoducing myself to the
womon who..."
o dote right
owoy.
ing, the point is not to get her in bed; the poinf is to get you to be the
kind of guy who con do this sort of thing. The Goodbye lntroduction
builds thot oggressive, seductive muscle, which is whot will help you suc-
Compliment her.
you ore in. Whot is it obout her thot you're odmiring? Are you odmiring her style? her posture? her rodionce? her smile? Whotever it is, you
il.
ploce you might see the womon ogoin, you now hove qn opening with
womon's breosts, for inslonce, we shouldn't hove to tell you thot soying
compliment
"l couldn'l leove without introducing myself to the womon who's got one
hell of o rock" is not going to sound very seductive.) Find something to
odmire obod her thot she'll see os o compliment ond give it to her-soy
something like 'the womon who is so incredibly rodiont" or "who hos
such o beoutiful smile."
uuufilubruo!il{lnl
llorx Uo
nfi n Wonin
or emoil oddress. lf you soy, "l wos iust leoving ond I reolly gotlo go,
but I iust hqd to stop ond soy hello lo fie womon who is so beoutiful. Hi,
my nome is Dovid." She might soy, "Hi, my nome is Soroh." From there
you con soy pretty much onything. lf you're ot the gym, for instonce, you
cqn osk her how she likes the gym or how often she works out. You con
osk 'lVhot's the stoqy behind thot?" or use ony of the other flirting skills.
"Hi! l'm iust leoving now, bd before I went, I hod to come up ond
lell you thot you hove such o beoutiful smile, it lights up the whole
room. I iust hod to let you know
nome is Ron."
"Hi, l've gotlo run right now, but before I do I iust hod to toke the
risk of coming up ond telling you thot you hove such o bequtiful
When you ore reody, you leove-ond we suggest you do this while the
conversotion is still fun. Firsl, soy lo her, 'You know, I reolly hove to go,
"Hi, l'm lust on my \ /oy out ond only hove o second, but before
but you seem like on inleresling person qnd I would reolly like to know
went I iust hod to come up ond tell you thot you hove on omozing
sense of style. I wish I hod to time to stoy ond seduce you, but
lo leove ony-
woy. Soy, 'lV'ell, it's been nice to meet you!" ond go.
c0lnln0ll $00[BU0
Skipping the first port.
ffifllnDm$
l[fl'0lucfl0ll
lnH[afi8$
is skipping the first port of the Goodbye lntroducrion. They stort tolking
You
opprooch her, tell her you're leoving, tell her you couldn'f leove without
to o womon but they don't tell her "l'm obout to leove, so I only hove o
moment to lolk to you." This leoves her not knowing whot you ore going
to do to her or how long it will toke ond sends her right bock into her
how long is this going to toke?" You've got to tell her you only hove o
momenl ond will be leoving, even if lhe contoct slretches out into o much
longcr convcrrolion.
ullrllr
:l
u,tor0![!!f
lllli'
ll0ut t0
ftllt
l[
ttomon
out loud. This is cruciol. There's o huge difference between reoding the
romonlic or sensuol. You might be ofroid to let o women know thot you
exomples in this book ond octuolly speoking them out loud. We recom-
mend thot you memorize one or two of these ond proctice them
compliment might hurt her in some woy. You might worqy thot everyone
20 fimes out loud. You hove to get used to hoving these words come out
will know whot you soid to her ond will lough ot you.
of your mouth so thot when you're in front of o womon you con iust open
l0 or
Such mild complimenls don't show your romontic interest ond don't
for the hottest women in the world ond do fiis seemingly mossive thing
show thot you're the kind of guy who's willing to toke some risk with
if it's too terrifying. You moy wont to proctice this ot first with o women
women. You're likely to come ocross os too mild, ond tho/s not good.
fiot
the first few times you do the Goodbye lntroduction will be very scory
might be oll you con do ot first. lf so, do it ond celebrote thot you did it;
for you. You'll be ofroid thot something terrible will hoppen or thot she'll
if you're shy, thot moy be o big step. Don'l expect it to blow her owoy,
becouse it won't. But it moy give you the confidence you need to give o
know whot you did ond you'll be o complete ond uiter fool in eveqyone's
bigger compliment nexl time, ond tho/s oll thot reolly motters.
eyes. After you've done it o few times you'll know thqt ifs reolly not thot
shy, giving
ifll
We hod one studenl who would do the Goodbye lntroduction ond hoted
go through those first few scory times to get to thot point. lf you woit for
every minule of it. tf women didn't drop to their knees to give him orol
sex right then, he felt like o complete foilure. This mode him seem grove,
heovy ond even scory lo women, so he never got the result he wos look-
ing for. You hove to lel yourself feel good obout whot you do. Doing o
Goodbye lntroduction is o big step, ond no motter how it turns out you
scory momenl eveqy time you do it, right before you open your mouth
to tolk. Thofs the moment of commitment, the moment the sky diver
experiences right os he's obout to iump oul of the oirplone. You con't
llilllu,ieutullluurill
Nnd*hl
llstlj s$ l!1,{
l} w{m8tl
woit for the feor to go owoy before you do it. You just hove to lump.
Open your mouth ond soy the Goodbye lntroduction.
8lmafl[nil rupnll[
c0llcH$r0ll
Mony men ore ofroid to do the Romontic, Flirting Moves, or the
Goodbye lntroduction. But when we tolk to women, they tell us thot heoring o Goodbye lntroduction or experiencing some Romontic Moves with
o mon often mokes their entire doy. ll/s o nice thing to do. Controry lo
whot you moy believe, you con be
cllflp[0l'
women's doy by flirting with her ond showing romonlic inlerest. Don'l
deprive women of this fun, feel-good experience!
Moyb"
her.
luncheonetle or the womon who ot the moll who's selling you o new tie.
You need o good woy to
kidding with women. Perhops you've even hod moments where you
were thot guy. Men who ore good ol kidding oround with women ond
who con moke thot kidding romontic ore procticing Situotionol Flirting.
tru.orn..-".il
ll08} s0
Isll
I0 tir0ms'l
$i&ll*bi$mtflifsig
For instonce, you moy be interocting with o womon who hos o comero.
Situqtionol Fli*ing works well on oll these problems. lfs fun, light, pleos-
You moy moke the creotive misinlerprelotion ihot her comero con steol
ont, enioyoble ond energizing for you both. lt creotes o shored reolity
ero-ifs
"Oh,
between you,
fufure
seeing
you ogoin.
This ioke is on opening for her to ioke bock with you. Mony women will
respond humorously, soying something like, "No, this isn't my soul-steol-
ing comero-l left thot one ol home." At the very leost, most women will
smile ond lough. As the ployful interoction progresses, you con odd, "l
ill'fllls
q numbers gome.
think your beouty hos stolen my soul olreody." Then you're reolly in the
proctice Situotionol Flirting, it's o good ideo to remember our old odoge:
As you begin to
100 percent of the time; nothing does. Situotionol Flirting is not o quick-
fix kind of thing. Not oll women ore going to be receptive to humor;
Situotionol Flirting.
shoot. When you begin Situotionol Flirting with reol-world women, iust
You need to proclice Situotionol Flirting to solve some of the eorly prob-
vide o sense of certointy for her thot whot you're doing is okoy, thot
there isn't ony problem with you ioking oround with her or with her iok-
How ore you going to moke o light, enioyoble connection? How ore you
going to build thot initiol stote of ropport? And how ore you going lo do
Situotionol Fli*ing becouse you ore definitely interrupting them on o deepLook ot it from her point of view: she's worried thoi you're o creep. You
ity. They ore going to be looking ot you, your behovior ond your level of
her you're o trustworthy, fun guy who she might wont to spend time with.
ltuflf
iou[$rot{gtrlL
UUl'lltrN
trc
$i&888i0tli, nirbills
lf you seem incredibly neryous, ond come ocross os if you ore thinking,
being weird. I sure hope this doesn't wreck her doy. l'm o bod guy," it
us like they were reolly scored. lt olmost never hoppens now becouse the
will moke it more likely thot she will get upset. lf you seem to be think-
more we proctice this flirfing skill the more we trust it ond the more we
ing, "Greol! l'm moking this ioke ond she is going to look to me ond if
con proiect thot trust ond reloxotion to the women we're flirting with.
I om okoy
wifi
tion.
Most women
Ultimotely, if you moke o Situotionol Fli*ing ioke ond she hos o problem
with it, remember: il's o numbers gome ond her problems ore hers, so
Well, whot if she didn't hove ony comebock ot oll? lf so, you'd provide
the comebock-something like the one you hod hoped she would use.
You might soy,
bo*
with ond putting energy ond vitolity intn your voice. lf you're frowning,
scowling, looking ot the foor or mumbling, it's going to be hord
get Situotionol Fli*ing tc work
'Voit,
hove left it ot home." She con lough ot this ond you'll toke her off the
hook for hoving to be clever in order to enloy being with you.
br you trc
lo proctice situqlionol flirting with o womon, look oround the environment you ore in ond osk yourself, 'Whot is there in this situotion obout
which I con osk some sorl of outrogeous or silly question? Whot con
to thot question will guide you in your Situotionol Flirting. You'll see how
it moy loke some proctice before you get used to letting go of control-
moment, not trying to controlwhere the interoction might toke the two of
l0 or 20
this: These exomples ore going to seem silly becouse they ore silly.
you. h/s risky ond will toke time to get used to, so give yourself
tries ot this before expecting it to
hel noturol.
You'rc being silly when you look ot something in the environment ond
uruunruuuolrfl
milrcf,
$ibu8timal air$inc
soy something silly obout it or moke on outrogeous ioke oboul it. We've
used oll of the iokes below in reol life ourselves ond they've oll gone
he gove her
quite well, so don'f worry if these seem weird on the printed poge.
smoll woy thot she wos speciol, not iust on outomoton dispensing tickets.
Also remember thd these exomples qre not prescriplions: we ore not sug-
To
some
don'l know if you've noticed, but oll the employees ot the Gop
ples ore to get your mind thinking in this mode, so you con come up with
weor rodio heodsets. I don't know if they con tolk on the phone or
your own, be flexible, ond hove the flirting interoction reolly work.
'lVhot
in the St. Louis Arch. There wos o reolly pretty girl selling the tick-
ets. So I wos osking myself the moin question you should osk your-
ringing me out, "Con you lounch the spoce shuttle with thot?" lt
wosn't very fr.rnny, but she thought it wos funny enough to lough
obout il.
So I smiled ond osked her, "Do you ond your friends get to go up
there ond porty ofter hours in the Arch? Does it get to be your
somelimes. You con renl il out, you know." She wos nice but wos-
oren't they?" And she loughed ond soid, "Oh nol I love the Gop!"
n't reolly getting into the ioking mood yet, so I smiled ond osked
her, "ls it o ploce where you get to go o lot? Could you ond me go
the Gop!" And she loughed more, ond there we were, hoving o fun
'Vell,
I think you
fiot heodset*they
interoclion together.
should try it out with o ticket first." lt wos o successful flirting inter-
oction.
So the next time I come into the sficre I con do the some thing ogoin.
I con come in ond smile ond soy, "Oh, so they're still feeding you
Dovid took something in the environment, the Arch itself, put qn outro-
thot pro-Gop propogondo through your heodset, right? Are you still
pro-Gop?" l/s become o running ioke, ond she ond I hqve thot little
shored reolity together thot is difbrent from our ordinory lives ond is
Ifllltrlltule
ilqllqfnt
um
ll0t[
u0
Inl[
lD
lllm0n
$isll0lri8fiat fiirsi{ts
3eo me ond she knows thot I om someone she con ploy with. This is
tion obout which I con osk some sort of outrogeous or silly ques-
the kind of thing thot fits in with oll the flirting tools in this book.
'lVhot
be funny?"
RON: I wos grocery-shopping the other doy ond there wos o womon
in the olcohol section who wos pretty hot. I osked myself the ques-
So I went up to her with the book I wqs holding, smiled ot her ond
tion, 'lVhot is there in this situotion obout which I con osk some
soid, 'This book looks pretty good. Hove you reod it? Con you
review it
the bookstore? I thought you knew qll of the booksl You look so
br
me?" She soid she hodn't reod it, so I soid, smiling ond
loughed ond soid, "Nope, not mel Though I do like trc reod,
So I smiled ond osked he4 "So, whot ore Vou doiryfr Are you scout-
hoven't gotien to oll the books yet. l'm still not even done with the lit-
ing for oll the underoge people who ore trying6 buy beer? You're
not going tc bust me, ore you?" She loughed ond loked bock, "l
don't know, you don'l look too young!" I held out my wrists for her
imoginory hondcuffs ond soid, 'You could bust me if you wont "
ond we loughed together. lt moy look stupid when you reod it here
Ivnny?"
nome?" h led to something. I could hove gone for her emoil oddress
Here's whot I did: smiling, I held up o book ond osked, 'lV'ere you
with her, so it will be eosy to build upon it. We hove o fun imogi-
nory world between us now. She knows she con be silly with me.
shore some qbduction sficries." lt sounds stupid, but she wos lough-
Ler,s
DAVID: You hove probobly noticed thot very pretty girls often work ot
bookstores. lwos ot one such bookstore ond I sow o
prefi girl
who worked there iust sort of honging out behind the informotion
unngl
$i0$stri08al
nit'tins
looked ot thot condy, ond osked myself the question, 'Whot is there
ond soy, 'lV'ow, so ore you o beoutiful olien here to obduct people for
tests?
l'll bet thotyou ore...ore you going to toke me?" lt mokes o ioke,
compliments her ond shows your romontic interesl. lt/s going to be hord
for her to stuff you inlo the "iust friends" cotegory ofter you confidently
told her she wos bequliful during your first interoction with eoch other.
'A
DAVID: Here's onother exomple. I wenl into the bonk, ond there wos
o girl behind the counter, ond we were doing some bqnking lrons-
think l've been pretty good, but in some woys l've been pretly bod,
too." She loughed, ond I soid, "l don't know, I might need some cor-
'Whot is fiere in fiis situotion oboul which I con osk some sort of
Notice how these flirting intreroctions hoppen with women you see
money ihot comes in? You know, like o grotuity?" And she loughed
every doy in ploces you go on o regulor bosis: the bonk, the gro-
ond soys, "Oh, thofs so fr.rnny-lwish I could." Then I took our little
cery store, bookstores ond so on. Using this tool, you con use these
shored fonicsy one sfiap further: "Oh, but then you would hove ic
trc
pqy o percentoge of whot goes out, too. Thot would be bod." She
loughed ond soid, "Oh no, I wouldn't like thot
port*l'd
iust keep
the money when it comes in." I smiled ond soid, 'Thot would be
perfect for you! I con see it now...You get trc keep lhe money
becouse you do such o greot iob!" She soid, 'Yeoh, thot would be
Situotionol Flirting move I storted with her weeks ogo. She is iust o
bonk treller, but I olwoys kid her obout becoming bonk president. I
perhct. Here's your money, hove o greot doy!" Next lime she
sees
soy, "Okoy, Liso, when ore they going to moke you president of
the bonk? l/s obod time! I know you hove been doing this work
only so you con infiltrote the bonk, ond I know thot pretty soon
there wos o gloss ior full of Tootsie Rolls with o bow oround it.
utur!,[ouhil!rlfllmH
l|rlur $0
lll,r
x0
tj$|lme|l
8i&llabi8nel llir$ins
thot we build upon every time I see her. l'll soy things like 'lVhen
you ore the president, I will come ond I will shovel the snow off
your cor ond we'll hong out, you'll do personol loons to me, ond
to keep it going, ond she loves it. ln her doy-to-doy lib, she
probobly feels like the lowest rung on the lodder-which she isond here is o guy who octr.rolly con see her nol only for whot she
Just
but in o for-oul, flottering woy. So thot hos gone reolly well for me.
ting there reoding this book ond it is boring me, so I storted osking the womon sifting ot the next toble whot she thought obout oll
of these exomples. l'd osk her things like "lt sqys women feel like
DAVID: Restouronts ore onother greot ploce to proctice Situotionol
men tqy to fix them insteod of listening. Do you think thot/s true?
hr
Flirting. For instonce, nol too long ogo I wos in o bokery where
versolion, ond I got her number ond emoil ond ended up doting
this fish bowl ond if they picked it out, you won q yeoy's worth of
#hind
'lVhot
tion obout which I con osk some sort of ouirogeous or silly question? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might
be fi.rnny?"
"L,el
true. Then he took his curiosity ond osked lhe womon ot the next toble.
me piclure
Fli*ing, you loke whot is in the environment ond moke it o little bigger,
soid, "No, no, I won't be doing it!" I soid, "Oh, so somebody else
o little more fonciful, until it becomes o little world in which you ond o
will be dumping the breod on my lown ond you will be like the fig-
womon con enter together. You con leorn to do this with proctice.
ure in the bockground who mokes if hoppen but doesn't reolly come
trc
il
deliver it herself?" She loughed ond soid, "No, no, the breod will
r,u!ulru!0llqqll{f,l|lll$
ffi,trEH
$imflni0n*l ftiriting
Your Situotionol Flirting con be truly oulrogeous. Just keep osking your-
is ot o den-
self, 'lVhot is there in this situotion obout which I con osk some sort of
you hwen't done in six monfis or so, you should probobly coll up
For instonce, if you're drinking o cup of coffee with o womon, you could
guordion of this bod, evil ploce?" She soid, "Oh yeoh, l'm the
look ot the grounds in the bottom of the cup ond soy something like "l
guordion oll right." I soid, 'Well, con you put o spell on me, oh
heord thot some people con tell your fortune by looking ot your coffee
me to reod your fodune? Would you reod mine?" lf you're drinking teo,
thot the teeth cleoning won't hurt?" She giggled ond soid, "Okoy, l'll
you con osk, 'Vould you reod my teo leoves for me? I wont to find out
obout love." She will lough. ond thot is o funny, romontic thing.
trc
try the
o restou-
ront ond your pretty woitress osks you, "Do you wonl your receipt?" You
conversofion obout how she hod this mogicol power ond it wos fun
br
us both.
con soy,
together. l'll'keep it forever." lf you smile while you do it, there's o good
RON: I con think of one exomple of Situotionol Flirting thot Dovid ond
chonce she'll lough, ond you'll hqve hod o Situotionol Fli*ing intreroclion.
I did together every time we sow o cerloin womon ot our locol co-
emoil oddress) right then ond there, olthough you con certoinly use it to
get her number. lt is more obout being o guy who knows how to flirt,
Generol, how ore you todoy? Whot ore our orders?" She would
hi,
the Generol,
'!Vho/s ihe story behind lhol?," combined with the Romontic Questions,
combined with giving risks, combined with everything else in this book,
is whot not only gets you
We hod o running ioke obout her being on ormy spy. We'd osk her,
'Are you here spying or ore you here for some covert operotion?"
hos been primed ond tested ond who is more thon likely reody to be
And she would soy, 'Yep, l'm here spying." We'd soy somefiing
romontic or even sexuol with you well before the dote even hoppens.
like "So, you're here to see whot is going on in this sficre in cose
utuu,[!uhil$$lllls
w0lurlEa.
lr8$ell
fiifiua&issat rlimil|s
you hwe to moke o ficcticol move, right?" And she'd soy something
like "l'd tell you, but l'd hove to kill you." lt wos reolly fi.,n, ond
self,
when we'd come in, her eyes would light up ond she would reolly
'tvhot
spring doy once doing some promotion for one of our books ond
we were wolking down the street ond these three beoutiful women
come out of this noil spo. They hod iust hod their noils done ond
00llcil$ru|l
Situotionol Flirting occomplishes o number of worthy gools:
lhey were odmiring lhem, ond I sqid to lhem, "Oh, i/s the beoutiful
noil women! You musl be here to show the world your beoutiful
when you proctice sifuotionol Flirting with o womon, you show thot
noils. Con we see?" They were thrilled fic show us their new noils.
you're not iust o friend becouse you're ploying with her in o woy thot o
We told them how beoutiful they looked ond how beoutiful their
noils looked ond they were loughing ond giggling. We ioked obout
how they musi be getting reody to be in on internotionol noil conlest
You're interrupting her ot o deeper level ond inlecting yourself into her
consciousness. This shows her thot you're the kind of guy who con go
trco.
A reslouronl
A bookstore
Il
moke-believe
world together, which is o welcome relief from the difficulty ond redium
.Abor
. A shop
. A line
o little
is
ship. When you flirt ond ore silly with o womon ond provide her with
uuullouitll{ilf,I*il
ulflh$re-&
ll0lx
[0lbllr m til0lnon
Finolly, you provide o fun experience for yourself. When you hove fun
clltp[BF
As you get better ond better ot Situqtionol Flirting, you'll find thot it cre-
n88pBfi[g
with o womon, you leove the interoction chorged up, with higher selF
otes q self-reinforcing rycle: the more you proctice it with women, the
more energy you hove, ond the more you wont to do it with women.
We're now going to toke fli*ing to the next level with o process colled
This is port of
o series of
getting the dote. Hi leods to osking '!vhot's the story behind thor?,,
which con leod to Deepening. Deepening then moves into Romonric
conversotions ond osking for the number. When you feel comfortoble
with this progression ond hove some experience trying it our on women,
fiot feel romonlic. Most women don't see themselves os speciol ond oren't used to
other
people seeing them os speciol. When you're oble ro see the possionote
ond speciol ports of o womon ond feed ir bock to her, she,ll feel o bond
with you' with Deepening, you con develop o connection wirh o womon
without bomboozling her.
uuu,rmruufflln$
wr,lnMrkA-'
rllB
fllo
ge8ps{|iN|s
you hold eye conloct "foo long," moke decisions quickly ond eosily, wink
c0lnp0]lEn[$ 0F DEED$nllls
ot o womon, check out her body, compliment her, keep your body pow-
Bosed on whot she tells you, you describe her possions ond interests
of her life in
you qre testing to see if o womon might be someone you wont to go out
with. You ore festing to see if she likes you ond if you like her. Eventuolly,
you'll either tolk obout topics she's possionote obout or you should prob-
The purpose
of Deepening is to look for oreos in o womon's life where she feels possion ond feed it bock to her. You ore volidoting ospecls of her life thot
most people do not see or ocknowledge. When you show o womon thot
she's speciol, she
Be
on the lookout for openings to osk for o dole, phone number, or emoil
oddress. Wotch
for
chonces
to osk for
one else ond then hove them feel enough sofeiy ond ropport to go out
womon is soying ond look for woys t'c feed bock those detoils
trc
with you.
her in o
romontic woy.
[eBpBlltns c0nu$l'$afl0ll I
Avoid the Deepening trop. When you ore osking o
womon
life. l/s importont to ovoid topics thot she is upsel obout. When bod
things come up, redirect lhe conversotion to whot is working in her life
umthtutusuln$l
DAVID: Wow, thofs reolly interesting. You must see oll sorts of things
in o iob like thot.
uru.1rffffifl
assp8ni$
CASSIE: Wow, thoi is reolly greot thot you see thot too...
RON: Le/s tqlk obout this exomple. You got her tolking obout whot
she is most possionole obout ond then you resficfigd it bock trc her,
DAVID:
hrs
you dislike ond moments when you feel like you reolly don't like
whot you ore doing, but then lhere ore moments when you feel
like you reolly ore doing whot you were pul on eorth to do.
wifi
br
br
the doe.
o lot of
their emotions.
De0D$]ltils
c0llu0Htfl0[
a[ a u0sa cH$$
CASSIE: Yes, il's on omozing iob. And lhere ore times when I om
2:
working with fomilies ond I reolly do feel like you soid, like I om
SOPHIE: l'm on occountonl.
doing whot I wos put on eorth here to do. I get the surgery ond
the orgons coordinqted. I get the kids reody ond I get the fomilies
some occounfing lotely- lt must reolly feel omozing when you ore
oble line up oll those numbers ond oll those columns. lt must feel
is
perfectly in order.
CASSIE: I reolly do, thot is whot I reolly love obout my iob.
SOPH lE: Yes, tho/s exoctly whot
DAVID: I don't get to see thot kind of o thing in o womon every doy.
ifs like.
DAVID: Lefs tolk obout this exomple. ln this exomple I come up with o
woy to bed bock to her the exciiement of those best moments in
occounling, When I fed thot bock to her I wos oble to see some-
uuurrutqqll{lnf,!
lluuMAflnlL
lssll!&xr
nss$snifi$
thing in her life thot most guys do not see. Most guys would hove
occounlont?" Bul I wos oble to see the mogic of hoving oll the
something like,
numbers line up. When I reflected her possion bock to her, her
reolly hote it." Then if you osk her if there is onything she likes
obout her iob, she's likely to soy, "No." lf thot hoppens, here,s
if
how to hondle it. We recommend you soy, "Okoy, I would be curious to know, if you ore willing to shore, whot is it thot you ore
possionote obout? Whqt is it in your life, if it is not your
iob, ond
for q lot of us it reolly isn't our iob, thot reolly turns you on os o
womon ond mokes you feel like you ore reolly doing something
you love?"
DB0p8llllls c0llu0l'$afl0ll $
Ron tolked to q womon recently who told him she hoted her
iob. So he
knew to ovoid osking her obout it. lnsteod, he osked whot she,s most
possionote obout in her life.
friend thon o romontic possibility. With the sociol worker, for exomple, I could hove soid, "Oh, where do you work? ls thot o good
iob? Wow, whot ore the hours like?" Those would hove been questions thot would hove kept me in the friend zone. lnsleod I osked,
'Whd
feel turned on?" When I met the occountont, I come bock with, "lt
must
soid,'Yes."
RON: Thofs interesling. Whot ore fhe best moments when you're volunteering ot the pet shelter?
KATE: Some of the best moments for me ore when o dog comes in
ond they ore sick ond I om oble to work with them qnd nurse them
bock to heolth. I spend time with them ond then o fomily comes in
ond odopts them. lt mokes me reolly hoppy when everything
works out well. lt mokes me feel like I hove mode o difference in
the world.
Uuruhulltrlllgufrulllt
RON: Wow, I con see you qre o womon who reolly volues moking o
KATE: Yeoh, I reolly do volue helping people. Thonk you, thofls nice to
heor you soy thot.
RON: Le/s stop for o second. How is the conversotion going, Dovid?
RON: Well, I don't meel women every doy who ore so focused on
helping people. I think tho/s reolly speciol ond I cqn see thot you
ry
osking personol
her life ond ovoid focusing on her iob. Asking o womon whot
she's possionote obout in her life is o good woy to shift the topic
whenever she mentions thot her iob sucks. lt's o good technique to
Romonce
use when o womon storts tolking obout ony ospect of her life thot
is in the detoils. lt would hove been eosy for Dovid to soy, ,,Oh,
you're o cook ond you write, whot else do you like to do?',lnsteod
le0D8llr]ls c0llu8r$afloll 4
Lel's
DAVID: I see how it oll kind of fits togetheri the cooking, the troveling
HEIDI: l'm o writer ond q cook. I cook for o couple of people who ore
it
is
for you.
trc
write obout?
HEIDI: Yes, tho/s very much whoi my life is obout. Those ore my key
HE
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l:
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DAVID: I know thot in every kind of iob or coreer there qre ports of it
ing o kitchen, but I olso know there ore other moments thot ore reol-
food cooking, oll the ingredients qre cut up ond you reolly feel like
ly stellor-momenls where you reolly hel like this is whot you were
RON: I wonl
irc
DAVID: Somelimes l've got o zillion things going ond l,m doing one
thing with one hond ond something else with onother. There ore
'lVhd
might be one of
mony pots of food oll cooking ond eoch pot is cooking ot o differ-
those moments where you feel the work you ore doing is reolly turn-
ing you on?" When you osk thot question or lhe one I iust put to
Heidi, the womon you're tolking to will hove to slort exploring her
RON: Le/s iump in ond moke some commenb obout where this con-
HEIDI: Like I soid before, I reolly like to trovel, ond i/s greot thot I con
versotion is going.
DAVID: t told Heidi thot she contribures to people,s lives through her
DAVID: You ore moking o contribufion lo people's lives, loo. ln both the
whot she likes to cook or some less personol queslion. From there
foods you ore cooking ond in your wriling you're moking o differ-
fiot
things, like Dovid did with Heidi, we bond with the women.
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DAVID: I wont to point out thot I took o risk when I told her thot I om
inleresled in cooking. As o generol rule, you should limit how
like you're doncing with it. There is olso the moment with the pres-
entotion where you ore octuolly putting the food out. I don't know
if you ever think obout putting the food on the plote ond how
to hove o nice color controst going on with the different foods thot
good it feels to hove severol things cooking ol once ond how eosy
RON:
DAVID: Those moments ore reolly speciol. There is ollthe setup ond
oll the preporolion, ond then you toke o second ond look ot oll the
food ond feel oll the effort you iust put into creoting somefiing
DAVID: When I menlioned oll the pots going ol once ond being in the
flow of cooking, I knew she would relole to thot description. When
but there is thol perfecl moment iust before you serve the food. Do
she responded, I could see her eyes light up, ond she smiled.
Lel's
DAVID: l've noliced thot there is o flow when I om cooking; ifs olmost
llrllullouburuflIful
DAVID: I con see thol ortist in you. I see the ortistry in getting the food
perfect for people ond the qrlistic presenlotion. A wonderful meol
is something so creolive ond reolly gives people on experience.
The right meol is so memoroble. You put together o meol, you put
fs !{el'|$*
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c0[uel|$fl[l0ll
DAVID: l'm hoppy with how things ore going. I see thot lhe conversoDAVID: Now lel's look ot o shod conversolion betueen me ond
tion hos gotten more inlense ond we're getting olong well. First
stort by osking Megon qbout her iob, ond the conversotion unfolds
life thot she doesn't get to shore with mosl people." So I osked
she would feel those reolly good feelings? When I osked myself
MEGAN: lt's reolly importont to me to hove iobs thot inspire me. For
yeors I hod o iob thot I iust loved. I wos in chorge of o smoll-town
Chomber of Commerce, ond they thrived on tourism. I hod o boll
told her, "l con see thot ortist in you." She responded positively to
thot.
town.
om not using cheesy lines with Heidi, l'm trying lrc find woys to moke
o deeper conneclion.
DAVID: lt sounds like there were o lot of moments in thot iob where
you reolly felt like you were doing whot you were put on eorth to
do.
MEGAN: Yes, I conslontly felt like lwos doing my life's work. When
chopter.
Sometimes the iob wos reolly difficuh. Sometimes the people in ihe
DAVID: Thofs o greot feeling when you hove finished o big proiect.
h's wonderful to look ot
fiot
ll
uuulrutoullJuf,Il[
pockets trcgether, I olwoys feh like it wos oll worth it in the end.
TE
RRI: Music is one thing I reolly like. I recently storted singing ond
RON: Thofs greot. I love the guiior ond l've been ploying for o long
time. I don't meet mony women who ore ospiring guitor pros.
TERRI: I iust love music.
thot hos her feel like you see somelhing in her thot most people do
nol see. Being oble tc see things in o womon thot most men don't
see creofies on emolionolconnection.
RON: I ploy guitor, so I know whot thot is like when you ore ploying
ond you get lost in the music ond you feel like "this is greot' ond
ploying?
00Epellrlls B0lluE||$afl0ll $
RON: Yeoh, I ployed in bonds for o long time. lwos olso o touring
with Terri. Ron gets owoy with being very direct with Terri. Depending
Ron
went quickly went from tolking obout music to tolking obout the
women might work. Whot mokes this exomple with Ron work is thot he
moment where you ore ploying music ond getting lost in the
is ployfulwith Terri but only octs silly in the conlext of ropport building.
lo her ond
whot she's possionote obout. You con get owoy with being o bod boy
ond pushing the limits oll ot once. When you only ioke oround ond only
oct obnoxiously, o womon will not connect with you.
urulrurh$eclflIfl
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RON: The oct of ploying music is o lot of fun. You know the feeling of
RON: All right, set $e mood for me. Lefls soy you invite me over to lis-
ten to you sing ond ploy guitor. Lel's soy you invite me over for o
privolre listening porty, whot would the mood of it be? Whofls the
experience like for you when you ore sitting there listening to
Let's breok
DAVID:
lost in music ond she does not reolly onswer. So he goes bock ond
tries to qsk her o similor queslion. Ron disploys tenocity in thot he
hos to keep guiding lhe conversoiion into romonlic spoces no mot-
point,
Ron?
RON: At this point I om trying to moke the big shift into osking for her
phone number ond/or osking for the dote. We've tolked obout
music ond I feel like our ropport is pretty good. So now I wont to
Let's iump
try to test her ond see how receptive she is to the ideo of me coming over to her ploce. lf she's unreceptive
more Deepening, ond if she's open I will osk for the number.
she's
TERRI: I reolly enioy writing music ond l'm focused much more on
wos to ovoid the trop of osking her why her iob sucks. Mony of us
these doys.
is o woy to kill o seduction. Luckily, Ron ovoids thot trop ond storts
Terri: I don't see mony live bonds right now. l've mostly been focusing
ullru,ltutryqlllnll
looking ot whot it would be like for Terri to hove him over to her
house. This is where he storts pushing the limits.
ll0&n8llinc
RON: I wonbd to osk her o ploful ond silly question so thot if she
DAVID: As you con see Ron wos working to noil down o dote with
her. He soid, "l could come over ond help you if you wont me to."
I
Terri seems receptive to going out with him. She's osking Ron if he
recording equipment-oll good signs. You con olso see thot he's
not octing like o friend, lhere's o romontic feel obout lhe converso-
Let's listen
lo Terri's onswer:
tion.
ln the next chopler, we'll look ot severol more conversotions ond leorn
Advonced Deepening skills. But let's go over whot you've leqrned so for.
The Deepening process seems pretty simple when you reod obout it, but
RON: Okoy, lefs set the scene ogoin. You've invitred me to your ploce
ond you ore serenoding me ond I om wotching you closely. Thot
conducting
o Deepening
sounds wonderful.
RBUl$llt 0F
RON: Not ot this second, but I would if I wos with you ot your ploce.
c0lluBl'$ffinll$
TERRI: Do you know hormony? Con you sing hormony with me?
Focus on
Deepening is to look for oreqs in o womon's life where she feels possion
The purpose of
ond feed it bock to her. You ore volidoting ospects of her life thot most
TERRI: Gon you help me operote my four-trock recorder? I hoven't figured oUf how to use it ond l'd like to record myself singing some
people do not see or qcknowledge. When you show o womon thqt she's
of the songs l've writlen. Are you good with recording equipment?
RON: l've done quite o bit of recording ond would hove fun ploying
oround
UUU.Iottlbom!q{ltlll
womon is soying ond look for woys to feed bock those deirils
romontic woy.
Poy oltention
trc
her in o
lN0U
t0 Talt I0
1|,0m8n
!rsPsiriils
obout. When bod things come up, redirect lhe conversolion to whot is
know, if
you would core tc shore, whol ore some of those momenls tor yov?"
before,
c0Ilcil$nll
to insure thot you come ocross os o romonlic possibility, you need to use
the Romontic Moves. lf you hold eye conloct loo long, moke decisions
Here ore two fiings you con do to slort using this skill in your interoc-
quickly ond eosily, wink ot o womon, check out her body, compliment o
womon, keep your body powerful ond whisper to her, your chonces of
hoving o successful Deepening Conversotion ore greotly increosed.
This is only o test... ln these exomples, you con see how Ron ond
Dovid were testing the womon's ottroction ond receptivity by using the
you find reolly touches your heort? I know some moments qre reol-
ly difficult but $ere ore these moments where you feel like you
this, too.
were put here on eorlh to do thot thing. Whot ore those moments
tor you?" Experiment, ond stort hoving Deepening Conversotions.o
!|ffiouhillolllHtlf!
cltap[Br
Rnunllr0[ r88pgllllls
ln this chopter we'll continue to provide
exomples
of
Deepening
ln this chopter you will get o much cleorer sense of how to move from
Deepening conversotions to osking for phone numbers ond how to toke
the seduction fo the next level.
in this chopter:
o slronger
_jiffi,
WUffiT
&r!
nd$en$sd [8es8[ins
'l8il'
of your life?"
Conversotions
blues.
How osking 'tVho/s the best port of it?" con offen sove the doy
RON: l'm o big music fon too. Do you frequenily go see live music?
SUE: I go to os mony concerts os
fr,ln
dqle?
DAVID:
Lefls lump
[8Bp8llrlls collu0l'$fn0ll
ing thot she's into tolking to me ond into being with me. l/s cruciol
RON: This is q conversotion with Sue. Note how lgo from osking her
whot she's possionote obout to moving lhe conversotion into o
romonlic ond sery direction. This conversotion is o good exomple
lo ossume the best when you're with o womon. Mony of our sludents ore so used to hoving conversolions
thot they olwoys ossume the worsl. When you ossume o womqn
doesn't like you ond is not enioying being with you, you come
ocross os owkwqrd ond uncomfortoble. When you're tolking to
romontic tolk.
RON: Sue, whot is it thot you ore possionote obout? You mentioned
eorlier thol you ore interested in ort ond olso into being o biker
bgbe, but I om curious obout your other interests. Whot else ore
Sue,s
il
llrrluilo0borlllll{re!il
|N0[,
t0 lail
ll$sllrstl
ndwnSss s88?8ilin0
music/ so I wonl to connect those topics lo me. Sue seems very open
romonlic topics right owoy. Mony of our sludents woit too long
lmogine thot you ore describing her in thot situotion ond odd
detoils lo lhe scene to moke il more intimote. lf you leorn thol she's
often think they need to woit until the end of o conversolion to bring
inlo ort, you could osk yourself whot obout being in on orl gollery
To turn up lhe romonce with Sue, I osked her whot o greot dote
ful ond you iust look ot eoch other ond smile ond feel so hoppy.
openings for me to osk her out. I olso wonted to osk her questions
thot would quickly show me whether or not she'd be open to going
two of you ot on elegont ort opening, borh looking greot ond reol-
0e$cl'D[l0ll pl|080$$
both of you ore storing ol the beoutiful ort on the wolls ond get-
in
Advonced Deepening, you describe o sifuotion where you ond she ore
together ot o concerl or on ort museum. lnsteod of describing o fun orl
Now describe this scene to the womon. Yes, you eventuolly hove
to toke the risk to tolk. You need lo open your mouth ond creole
some of these situotions when tolking to lhe womon you ore with.
Afier you hove some clues obout the things o womon is interesled in, we
recommend you follow this four-step sequence o few times during eoch
Deepening Conversotion.
When you describe romonlic scenes with the two of you, il's lust one
more woy for her to stort imogining you os o potentiol lover. The process
ururullorllbrutgflnFFil
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leove? Whofs going on in your mind ond whot con you do thot
t c0llul]ll!00
second to slorl hoving fun? Hoving fun, being sexy, being interesF
When we left off with this chot, Ron hod iust osked if Sue thought going
in some more:
SUE: l'd enioy going to o concerl. l'd even enjoy iust going to o bor
RON: You've convinced me. I om reody to toke you oul, ond we leove
ond listening lo some live blues. Nothing is more fun thon hoving
SUE: I think thot would be greot too. l'm on odventurous person ond
reolly go for whol they wont. I meet o lot of women who wont lo
where ond moybe iusl go oll night ond foll osleep where we end
go for it, but most don'f hove the guts lo go out ond reolly do
up-moybe iust sleep outside under the stors. I think thot would be
so much fun.
it.
Ron?
RON: lwos feeling closer ond closer to osking her out. lwos hoppy
on o dote. I om qlso osking her questions thot will hove her think
RON: Where hove you troveled? I don't meet o lot of women who
versotion is not fun i/s often o sign thot the womon is not inlerest-
yourself who/s nol working. Are you nervous? Are you trying too
ployful. When you con creote dotes fiot ore odventures, you'll
hord to get into her ponts? ls she boring you so bodly you wqnt to
ulrut[urrquHnBul
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We wont to worn you oheod of time thot Louro is on odd womon, bul
very ottroctive. She tolks obout wonting to simplify her life ond ot times
comes ocross like o survivolist. Are there o lot of weird women out there?
Yes!
Are there women who ore inlerested in topics you find siupid, bor-
much.
ing ond insone? Yes! Are there women who will soy things ond give
opinions you strongly disogree with? Yes! So it's importont thot we
include some women in this book who ore o bit odd ond off-kilter since
nered by my queslions. You wonl lo osk women open-ended questions ond give them the room to respond how they wont.
horboring negotive iudgments obout her tend to get in the woy of o successful seduction. Once you're in
Since Louro mentioned thot she wos simplifying her life, I osked
her obout ii. ln the bock of my mind,
ospects of o womon's personolity thot bother you. lt's colled coping with
she's possiorrote obout, ond I kept osking questions until she gove
lllrllrrtrutu${{Hnnilfi
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LAURA: Yes I do. I wont to toke o breok from the rol roce.
DAVID: Thot would be o reoson to stort your own business loo, to creote something you would be oble to sell ond to do exoctly whot
you wonl lo do. Tho/s cool. I don't get to meet women every doy
lhot ore so direct in their lives. lt sounds greot to live somewhere
beoutiful ond be oble to sit in the sun ond hove o good time.
DAVID: Le/s iump in ogoin. ln ihe lost seclion I spent o lot of time volidoting her desire trc live in q secluded oreo ond simplify her life. I
volues l'm seeing ports of her thot most people overlook. I om trrking
notice of whot is speciol to her ond whot is speciol obout her. I om
look ot.
wont her to bel odmired. ln feeding bock to her the quolities she
it.
lt's mode out of construction poper ond eoch poge hos onother
little foct obout my cot. I wos probobly 5 when I mode it. Loter,
when I wos Z or so, I come oul with o bigger book obout unicorns.
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{ c0llElll[E[
HEIDI: ltop into itsometimes. lcon feel itwhen lom writing for
myself but nol usuolly when I om wriling for work. I find myself
o deodline.
DAVID: Would you sqy thot you get those moments where you feel
phone number.
like o little girl ogoin? You know, iust letting it oll go ond feeling
HEIDI
RON:
Yes, definitely.
Let's breok
tlrsu,fioutruou{lEluf
n6mr80s [re]s|lin$
when I con let go ond enioy writing. Those ore olso moments
told me obout the books she wrole os o kid. I odmired Heidi for
thing for me." Then there ore limes when I hove writer's block ond
writing those little books. When she tolks obout her current writing
hoppy like o little kid. You should focus on osking women obout
momenls in her life where writing feels the best. He then osks her whot
When Heidi told me obout the books she wrole os o kid, I soid,
it's like when writing seems to flow, ond he osks her to describe those
'Wow, thqt's so cool." She wos shoring something from her heort
feelings to him.
HEIDI: lwish I could incorporote those feelings of freedom ond wonder more into my professionolwork. Sometimes I con, but il's reolly fun to let thot side out.
Deepening Question.
h/s
in Deepening. Whenever you con find o woy to use thot question, you'll
One lesson to leqrn from this exomple is to ovoid going into negotive
DAVID: You seem like o reolly interesting womon. lt's reolly greot fiot
you're doing things in life thot you're turned on by. l'm curious to
tolking obout writer's block, which is reolly o bod feeling. lnsteod of tolk-
ing more obout writey's block ond trying to console her, Dovid simply
HEIDI: Yes, lgo through periods like thot. I feelthotwoywhen l'm not
thinking obout the finol product, not thinking obout whot I need to
do. I feel reolly hoppy when l'm qble to iust enioy the process-
ullu[o$o!Wun!,[lfi
redirected her ottenlion. h's utter suicide lo try to fix o womon's problems. Our suggestion is to redirect her ottention.
is
"Oh, writcr's block sounds terrible. Tell me more obout it. Wow, thot
|'0r,J
u8 |rl,{ !s |'ds}l|8ll
$$us[l8s* $EEsEnin*
sounds like obsolute torture. How often does it hoppen to you? I heord
oboul o writer who hod writer's block ond she hod to be put into o psych
word
do you think thqt would ever hoppen to you?" Bob stupidly thinks
$ot
he comes ocross
Rother thon hove Heidi tolk obout whofs not working in her life or how
often she hos wriler's block, Dovid chonges the subiect ond osks her whot
else she likes to wrile obout ond if she writes poetry. When he osks her
HEIDI: lwrite some poetry but l've never hod ony published. I don't
usuolly shore my poetry with people; i/s iust o privote thing.
DAVID: Moybe if we get to know eoch other better o time will come
questions obout whot she likes in her life he shows thot he's interested in
when you will wont to shore some poetqy with me. I understond
her, but he's not giving energy to the depressing things she's tolking
oboul. He is responding by guiding lhe conversotion into o positive direction. Your iob is to guide conversolions inlo romonlic ond intimotre spoces
ond qvoid topics where o womon is likely to get depressed or feel poin.
ifs like to be in the flow like you were tolking obout eorlier. Where
DAVID: Whol gives you the most ioy in writing?
you foel like the words ore iust flowing through you ond it bels like
you're in the donce of writing. Those ore moments when you fuel like
you reoch beyond whot you're normolly oble to reoch ond you come
drop on people. lt's fun for me to iust stort writing obout the person l'm
up wit*r moteriol thot is better thon who you know yourself to be.
ond
writing turns into short slories. lt's reolly fun for me to do thqt kind of
writing, i/s iust something silly I enjoy.
uqu hqrh
itlryllfllf tw!4!fi
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8$sallss$ Ss8ssni|}s
HEIDI: I reolly like writing ond you iust mode me think obout how cool
it is to be oble to write somelhing ond ollow someone else to
see
something briefly through your eyes ond iust know whot it is like
RON:
with Heidi. The conversotion storted off plolul ond eosy ond now
of writing you might soy, "l feel so good when I om there ond the
it's getting much more intimote ond intense. Dovid's doing o good
energy is lust flowing through me ond the words ore iust flowing
through me." h's o lot more powerful to soy, "li feels so good
DAVID: I storted out thot section offirming her. I told her I don't get to
meel o lot of women who qre os creotive os she is.
when you ore there ond you ore writing ond the words ore iust
flowing through you ond you feel so connected to something lorger thon yourself, do you know whot I meon?" I wos iust describing
RON:
thot feeling os if she is hoving it. My hope is fiot when I use you
is
olso soid, "Moybe if we get to know eoch other beiler o time will
come when you will wont to shore some poetry with me." I didn't
push her reol hord lo show me her poetry; I iust wonted to bring
It
One thing to notice is thot Ron ond I use o lot of "you" stoiements.
you describe lo o womon is whot she will feel. When you describe
those feelings.
exomple, 'You see yourself wolking down the sloirs"; 'You see lhe
ll,ulutiloulllulltllHxn!ili
$$van$e* $$s$$l|irls
you osk o womon obout her dreom vocolion ond she describes ii
lo you, she will hove lo go into her imoginotion ond experience il.
bought it.
Let's
DAVID: I would like to know more oboul you. Moybe I could reod
together for o cup of coffee sometime ond lust tolked more obout
H EID
there?
KATIE: I iust wonted to visit o ploce for owoy in o totolly different culture. I wonted to go on o chollenging iourney thot wos different
[$0pE|lrlls G0nuBl|$an0ll
fr.rn
trips of my life.
RON: I don't get lo meet women ve4y often who hove token on life ot
thot kind of level. l/s reolly cool thot you went there. How long
RON: l'm doing greot todoy. Your ring coughl my otlention. lt looks
ll,lltu
llruhluiltfltllKrull
a8val|l}s$ gssssnills
RON: Wow, three months in Bonglodesh? Thot's o long lime. You olso
soid thot you hove o Celtic ring?
KATIE: The woy people were welcoming to me ond let me into their
ond touches the ring] This is o cool ring. Where else do you like to
homes. lt is not something thot you see every doy. My fovorite port
of the trip wos meeting new people. I mode o lot of speciol connections.
trovel?
DAVID:
Let/s iump
of Deepening is osking questions to find out whot o womon volues. From there,
RON: Did you hove ony experiences thot kind of iust sticks in your
heort? Do you recoll experiences thqt ore postcord moments thot
you'll remember for the rest of your life? l'd be curious lo know if
you hod experiences ond moments like thot.
DAVID:
is
$e positive feelings of
troveling.
rience q new culture. When you lrovel you get to let different ports
whot touches your heort the most?" Then I osked her, 'lVhot ore
the port cord moments thot you will remember the most of your
al
lllllu
uto$uo$n_mnill&ll
sttsill|fi$* &8sp*'|i[Ns
life?" These ore Deepening Queslions you might wonl to use when
don't olwoys tolk obout upbeot subiects so you need to leorn how
KATIE: Well, it's not something I core to think obout often, but there
wos o reolly bod slorm ond there wos o mudslide thot we somehow escoped. Thot port of the trip sticks out in my mind.
RON: Wos ihere o good port to thot crisis? Like feeling thot you hove
o deeper oppreciotion for life? Whot wos the most positive thing
you wolked owoy from thot experience feeling?
DAVID:
Lel's iump
You con hondle negolive lopics by osking ony of the following questions:
depressing ond unpleosont. Ron wos oble to gently move the con-
ond putling myself out $ere. l'm glod I hod such on intense expe-
rience in Bonglodesh.
RON: I noticed thot Kotie wos running the horrible scene of borely
RON: I con see in tolking with you thotyou reolly push yourself ond
fie edge.
live life on
the foce of uncertointy. I reolly odmire how you live life fully.
RON: One thing I noticed in tolking to Kotie is thot she pushes herself
lo try new things ond is reolly courogeous qnd odventurous. ln
Deepening I om looking for whot she is possionote obout ond
whot she volues, so I wonted lo let her know thot I see her os o
DAVID: lf you hod let Kotie keep tolking obout the mudslide it could
hove become o depressing. She might hove soid, "Kids died in
!t
lltruulltul0$00lllfl5illl
gutsy womon. I olso complimented in o woy thot wos deeply personol ond intimote. Let's look ol some more.
s$l'&ll|}8t [88p&rlillS
RON: I know exoctly how it feels to reolly push yourself ond reolly go
Here's o good phrose to use when osking o womqn for her num-
ofbr whot you wont. Like when you meet someone you con con-
ber: "h/s been nice tolking to you, perhops we con get together
nect with or you feel like they open their heort to you in o certoin
sometime ond tolk obout this some more." You don't need ony-
woy. There is something reolly speciol obout being open like thot.
thing foncy or speciol. You don't need o perfect line, you iust need
to open your mouth ond qsk her out. After you hove her phone
number or emoil oddress you con set up the coffee dote.
RON: lt's been greot to meet you, but I need to run in o second.
Moybe we could get together for o cup of coffee sometime ond
tolk some more.
Conversqlions
Deepening
Kolie: Sure, thot would be greot. Moybe you could tell me obout your
trovel experiences.
the conversotion goes well ond sometimes you flot on your foce.
book ond the one womon I tolked to didnt wont to moke out with me.
she's
Those guys ore ierks. I wonl my money bockl" Bob foils to reolize thot
mosl conversotions with women will not leod to getting o phone number,
let olone sex. Bob's so focused on finding o mogicol solution to getting
o numbers
gome, ond work. lnsteod of tclking to severol women until one is interested in tolking lo him, Bob would rother blome everyone else ond comploin.
!t
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Assume ropporl.
womon you should ossume she is enioying tolking to you ond being with
tive customer likes him, is interested in whot he's selling, hos similor vol-
ues ond trusts him. h's cruciol to ossume the best when you're with o
womon.
gressing from there. lf you ore willing to do the work ond be potient,
Bob ossumes thol every womon he tolks to will hote him ond thot every
success is inevitoble.
Questions his certointy thot the interoclion will go poorly comes ocross
in his fone of voice ond his presence. Becouse Bob is so cerloin his con-
scenes.
ln Advonced Deepening you ore describing scenes where you ond your
women ore interested in tolking lo you ond find you otlroclive. You con
where you ond she ore ot o concert together hoving o wonderful time.
tell yourself thot the interoclion is going well. When you ossume women
When you describe romontic scenes with the two of you, o womon will
like you, you will not only feel more confident ond more reloxed, you
hqve to go inside ond imogine thot picture of the two of you together. By
romontic possibility.
osking open-ended questions before. You need to cosl the widest net
be confusing. l/s o new skill thot you need lo procfice. Try writing out
in
BOB: Hi, did you see the new John Trovolto movie?
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BOB: So you didn't see thot movie? Why not? ls it becouse you don'l
Bob tolks to
WOMAN: Oh, I iust hoven't seen o movie in few months. l've been
working o lot. Did you see the movie?
BOB: Oh, so you must reolly hote your iob since you hove to work so
much. I hote iobs where they force you to work overlime ond don't
poy you.
trc
ond so he folls deeper into o feor spirol. He is too ofroid to shore onything obout himself, mention onything he considers funny or osk ony
quesiions thot ore romontic. His feor creoles o situotion thot is unpleos-
Bob not only osks yes-or-no queslions, he orgues with the womon's
response rother thon encouroging her to tqlk. Don't box women into
is
hoving fun? The onswer is cleor: men who ore oble to enioy themselves
ore much more otlroctive thon guys who ore uptight ond worried.
Women's bullshit detectors ore much more ottuned lhon ore men's.
Women know when you're nol interested in tolking to them, when you're
neryous ond when you're not hoving fun. So we strongly recommend
you find fun woys lo moke conversotions with women fun. Bring up topics thot ore enioyoble for you. Mention things you find funny. Ask ques-
uillul
il
Trying to be perfect
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be more reloxed ond more fun to be oround. Fun ottrocts more fun; feor
Don't push too hqrd. You do not need to push women inlo sexuol
or romontic tolk. The purpose of Deepening is often iust to bond.
lf you ore oble to let go, hove fun ond loke some risks with women,
you'll
sexuol. lf you skip this eorly work you'll foil miserobly loter on. The gool
Don'l be o strqngea
of Deepening is trc creole o bond, develop ropport ond loy the ground-
detoils she's shoring with you she wouldn't normolly shore with o
work for osking for o number. Sometimes the conversotion turns romon-
tic; other times ifs much lighter. ln either cose $e gool is to move from
being o stronger to creoting enough of o connection to toke the next step.
o connection with
womon thot mokes her feel thot you see some$ing in her to which most
people ore not privy. When you ore oble to see things in her thot most
encounter women who soy unusuol things. lf she's worth pursuing, slop
men don't see, intimocy is creoted. When you stort creoting emotionol
oll
thot bother you. lfs colled coping with the horsh reolity.
Admire her.
You wont
The importonce of
odmire o womon for her strengths or loke notice of whot is speciol io her
word "you." lfs very useful to describe things from e "you" point of view,
"yott" stqlemenls.
fte
ie, 'Yeo, I think i/s so greqt when you ore hoving o perfect doy, ond you
con iust breothe in ond reolly feel good obout whot you've occom-
plished."
edge. You ore looking for times in her life when she felt best, moments
she's mosl proud of, her occomplishments ond her possions. Ask women
Tolking to women is oll obout getting them to feel things, visuolize things
obout greot moments in their post ond greol momenls in their current
ond imogine things. Thot's why using fie "you" perspeclive in your
life. Two greot questions to use ore 'lVhot ore you mosl possionole
oboul?" ond 'Whot ore the postcord moments thot you will remember
tt
uuoroullqlqq[m$ll[ll
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turn he tobles on you ond stort osking queslions oboul your life ond
possions.
open-ended
responses. You need to reveol detrcils oboul yourself, but you con do so in
q wqy
fiot
o bond with
women.
You need to shut up long enough for them to respond. A good rule of
thumb is they should tolk Z0 percent of the time, you should tolk 30 percenl of the time.
Tolking to women is like fishing. lf the first question you osk o womon
When o womon osks Bob whot he's possionote obout in his life he
begins tolking
doesn't elicit
ln
Deepening you ore fishing by osking queslions ond finding out whot
screen resolution it hos, ond how the competitoy's version sucks. Bob goes
she's possionote obout. Once you gei o strong response from he4 osk
off on
more queslions ond feed bock more situotions to her. Just like with fish-
ing, you're potiently woiting for o bite. Once you gel one, you quickly
Bod move. Jusl give o short response oboul yourself ond then osk oddi-
go for it ond get her tolking obod whot she's possionote oboul.
Conversolions it's cruciol thot she tolks more thon you do. When you're
ore helping escolote the seduction. Mosl men woit until the end of o dote
hoving o Deepening Conversotion, shut your pie hole while she onswers
your question. Don't interrupl o womon when she's tolking. lnsteod, lis-
ever, lhere ore often openings for touch. When osking o womon obout
her ring, for exomple, you could touch her hond. When sitting next to o
bosed on whot she's iust told you or o question thoi evokes more infor-
inlerrupts lhe womon when she's tolking obout her fovorite vocolion ond
down. lf o womon seems open to fouching, ifls o sign to go for fie next
brogs obout his Aloskon cruise. Bob constontly interrupls women when
fiey're telling him key informotion. Rother thon listen, Bob enioys offerobout the besl ports of her iob, he lectured her on why she should quit
ing his opinions on whot o womon is telling him. When Jennifer told him
ururu:[rirt!lqlq[n!!!!]tr
or depressing lopics, your iob is to redirect the conversotion to o different topic. Here qre o few phroses you con use:
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'lVhot wos fie mosf positive thing you wolked owoy from thot expe-
rience feeling?"
Situotionol Flirting, ond Deepening. Procticing eoch of these conversotionol tools will give you the power you need to initiote with women, lo
to redirect
their
c0ncu$l01l
Hopefully, you ore slorling to get o feel for how oll of this con fit togeth-
Now you're reody to odd onother skill to the mix: osking Romontic
er. You initiote with women by soying hi, using the goodbye introduc-
lion, or though ony olher sociol meons thot gets you tolking to onother
toke your conversotions wilh women to on even deeper ond more seduc-
humon being. From there you toke some deeper risks, doing the flirting
tive level.
Before we cqn get into osking Romontic Questions, though, it's impor-
conversolions.
is
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you soy lo o womon. lt is on ideo qbout the woy people's broins work,
uluulruh$mllmirhfi
look ot it from the other side: no one would disogree thot describing dis-
phont. lt is huge, it hos big white tusks, groy skin, o long trunk ond big
qnd feel revolted by the plote of spoghetti in front of you. This mirrors
resist us ond decided thot, no motler whot, you were nol going lo imog-
DAVID: Just lost night I wos doing some lnternet flirting. lwos osking
shouldn't imogine. This is o bosic principle of how the mind works: if you
o womon oboul romonlic experiences she hqd hod ond out of the
blue she storted into this tirode obout obortion ond how bod
obortion is ond how she is totolly ogoinst it. Now one thing
This little quirk in the humon mind reolly works in your fovor when you
could hove done wos fight with her qbout it, bul olreody she wos
tolk to women becouse it doesn't only work if you describe things like
imoging oll this horrible stuff obout obortion in her heod ond feel-
ing her feelings obout it. Fighting would only hove mode il worse.
I could olso hove osked her not to think obout it, but she still
which you hod thot experience would depend on how well we described
tqlk more obout doting. Le/s ilrlk more obout romonlic experi-
This is your occess into the emotionol being of o \ /omon. lf you ore tolk-
"L,el's
ences. Le/s tolk obout how the heort opens up with someone who
you reolly bel connected fic." Those were the kind of experiences
her think obout obortion ond connecting thot to me. And it worked;
tic experiences inside ond connect them to me, rother thon hwing
she got off her obortion tirode ond we hod o greot romontic tolk.
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whofls most importont. lf you moke o womon feel excited, turned on ond
like everything iust went sour. You were getting olong greot, then sud-
denly there wos o problem ond you couldn't seem to fix it no motter whot
ln the next few chopters you will leorn the specific flirting skills necessory
probobly find thot the conversotion took o turn into something like rope,
child obuse, obortion or something else thot she found reolly unpleosont.
meon
Her mind become filled with unpleosont pictures while she wos interoct-
ing with you ond before you knew it, the romontic vibe wos gone.
it*if
You might even hove coused the problem. Perhops you tolked obout
things you didn't even reolize you were tolking obouf perhops you
tolked obout porn or wor or something else thot, when she imogined it,
reolly turned her off. Sometimes it con be o lot subtler thon you reolize.
ile
With women, you reolly don't know whot is going to hoppen; you hove
to sloy owoke, be presenl ond poy ottention to the conversotionol topics
The excuse
thot turn her on ond the things thot turn her off.
The description
We will get into the specifics of using romonlic descriptions with women,
The question
but here's the bottom line obout how we use them: through tolking, ques-
iioning ond listening, we look for things thol women ore possionote
obod ond volue. We then either get women to describe the feelings of
those possions ond volues lo us or we describe them to the women. They
THE EXCUSE. When you osk o womon q Romontic Question, you need
qre then oble to experience ond dwell on those feelings while being with
to slorl with on excuse. The excuse onswers the question the womon will
Success with women isn't totolly obout whot you look like, whot you do
or how much money you moke, even though those things ore obviously
foctors. Success with women is qbout how you moke women feel*thot's
tl
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Most of the fime, women you don't know well ore going to osk them-
selves some combinotion of their sofety questions when you first interrupt
womon to the kind of onswer you ore looking for. lt olso describes the
them or when you toke the conversotion inlo deeper, riskier territory.
kind of feelings you wont her to imogine hoving while she is onswering
'lVhy
the question.
Lefs odd
o descriplion lo our
to my
When you osk o Romontic Question, the excuse onswers the question
friends obout this ond sort of toking on informol survey. lt seems like
'Why is he soying this trc me?" lt gives her o context for whot you're osk-
you know whot I meon? Like, 'Oh, i/s you,' even though you've never
on immediote click, do
met before. So l've been wondering, do you think people con foll in love
A Romontic Question stonding on its own con seem invosive ond scory
ot first sight?"
but when you odd on excuse ond description, olmost ony question con
The description we odded to this Romontic Question suggests the feeling
become polotoble.
you wont your conversotionol portner to feel ond olso guides her toword
try this out on one of the tockiest questions you cqn osk o womon:
the kind of onswer you ore looking for. Agoin, i/s worth noting thot even
"Do you believe in love ot first sight?" You'll probobly ogree with us thot
o tocky question con slort seeming downright interesting when you odd
Lefls
think would moke it eosier for o womon lo relox ond onswer: "Hey, do
in our exomple, "Do you think people con foll in love ot first sight?"
obout this ond sort of toking on informol survey. Do you think people
Once ogoin, lefs look ot the Romontic Question in its entirety. Notice
how much more normol-sounding ond less tocky the question is when
the excuse ond description ore in ploce. Then think obout how well this
would work with o question thot hosn't olreody been beoten to deoth in
it hos on excuse ottoched to it. The womon con soy to herself, "Oh, he's
osking me this becouse he's been tolking oboui it to his friends. Okoy."
il
uuru.hutil$ml5xl,!dh
tr
"l've been tolking to my friends obour this ond sort of roking on informol
sion lust builds in you ond you feel it so intensely in your heort. l'd be
survey. h seems like sometimes you meel someone ond lhere's iusl on
immediote click, do you know whot I meon? Like, 'Oh, ifs you,' even
though you've never mel before. So l've been wondering, do you think
Lefs breok
question itself:
romontic direction.
When you osk o Romontic Question, you ore toking things to o more
TH
be moved to the point where your heort flutters." Thol onswers the ques-
queslions in the most non-invosive woy thot you con. The woy you do
tion 'lVhy is he osking me this?" You were thinking obout it the other
E EXC U S E. "l wos thinking the other doy obout how omozing it is to
Romontic Question.
THE DESCRIPTION. "lt's like the possion iust builds in you ond you feel
it so intensely in your heorl." You describe whot you wont her to experi-
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THE aUESTION. "l'd be curious to know, whot mokes your heorl fluF
ter? Whofs on exomple in your life of thot?" Now she knows why you
osked, she's felt the feeling o little bit ond she's more likely to give you
You don't iust osk thot question outright becouse it would sound owk-
word ond weird. You'd dump her right into her sofety queslions: 'tVhy
is he soying this to me? Who/s he going to do to me?" You need lo set
up your question with our three-step process.
rilalllpl$
Here's lhe full woy of osking il: "l wos thinking the other doy obout how
THE ROMANTIC QUESTION: "Hove you ever met someone ond felt
like you were meeling them ogoin for the first lime?"
itt
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Once ogoin, you wouldn't iusl dump this question on someone withoul
TH
preporolion.
them before?" When you put it this woy it doesn't sound like o corny
E OU ESTIO
"Hove you ever met someone ond felt like you've met
pickup line, which it would if you osked it stroight out. Asking in this woy
You might soy: "l wos tolking to some friends the other night over din-
gives her the opportunity to shore obout herself ond her experiences of
ner ond we were tolking obout the feeling of when you meet someone
feeling
ond feel like you've known them before. One person wos reolly into the
post-life thing, ond I wosn'f sure whot to think obout thot. l've certoinly
hod those experiences where you meel someone ond you look ot them
ond you feel like you've known them before. lt's like you're meeting them
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ogoin, rother thon for the first time. Do you know whot I meon? So, l'd
be curious to know, if you'd be willing to shore obout it, hove you ever
THE ROMANTIC QUESTION: 'lVhotwos it like the first time you hod
o crush on someone?"
THE EXCUSE. "lwqs tolking to some friends the o$er night over din-
But let's odd on excuse ond description ond see how it sounds: "l wos
ner ond we were tolking obout the feeling of when you meel someone
tolking to o buddy from high school who I hodn't seen in o long time.
ond feel like you've known them before." You were tolking obout it with
We were looking bock on high school ond tolking obout first loves ond
crushes ond how fun ond exciting it wos. lt wos this new, tender ond
exciting feeling of being so excited ond turned on ond reolly into some-
THE DESCRIPTION. "One person wos reolly into the post-life thing,
one, you know? I wonder if you con recoll the first time you reolized you
ond I wosn't sure whot to think obout thol. l've certoinly hod those expe-
riences where you meet someone ond you look ot them ond you feel like
you've known them before. l/s like you're meeling $em ogoin, rother
thon for the first lime." This description is greot becouse it runs
fie
three ports:
o little
visuolizotion on her ond reolly points o word picture of the kind of feel-
ing you wont her to experience os she looks ot you. lt will olso guide her
seen in o long time. We were looking bock on high school ond tolking
obout first loves ond crushes ond how fun ond exciting it wos."
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THE DESCRIPTION. "lt wos this new tender ond exciting heling of
being so excited ond turned on ond reolly into someone, you know?"
cleor woter, being oble lo see fie fish under the woter in o gloss-bottom
you hod o crush on someone. Whot wos thot like for you?"
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THE ROMANTIC OUESTION: 'tVhot's
going to for vocolion thot mqkes you feel reolly good ond reolly olive?"
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kiss?"
troveling to Jomqico. And I thought, 'Gosh, thot sounds like o reolly greot
lime.' l've never been there. lt looked so greot. The cleor woter, being
oble to see the fish under the woler in o gloss-bottom boot or going snorkeling ond hoving on incredible vocotion. lt got me thinking ond osking
Try this insteod: "lwos tolking to my friend Tonyo the other doy ond we
were tolking obout kissing. We were tolking obout the mogic of kissing
willing to shore, whot's your ideol vocqtion? lt con be one you've been
ond the mogicol moments thot occur during o kiss. There is o moment
when you close your eyes. There's the moment when your lips first touch.
There is o moment when your longues first entwine. lt's oll so omozing.
THE EXCUSE. "lwos wotching TV the other night ond I sow on od for
This is obviously o more intense question thon the o$ers. You ore bring-
reolly
directly to sex.
greot lime."'
ing up something very inlimote ond describing something thot con leod
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But this is
Mosl guys ore nol porticulorly into romontic movies, but i/s good to osk
o womon obout them becouse her onswer to
lot obout how she likes to be seduced. lt'll provide informotion you will
right moment, this question could reolly work for you. You might odd in
find useful on doles with her. lt'll olso get her describing ond feeling
o whisper or get closer to her eor. lt might turn inlo o very sensuol
lotely l've been looking ol some more romontic films. Somelimes I see
movies thot hove such
THE EXCUSE. "lwos tolking to my friend Tonyo the other doy ond we
were tolking obout kissing. We were tolking obout the mogic of kissing
them-o couple
o Cory GronFAudrey
Hepburn sort of
o momenl when
in o kiss?"
THE DESCRIPTION. "somelimes lsee movies thot hove such o romon-
tic feel to them. They hove such sweet, strong romonlic moments in
them-o couple
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obod using
Romontic Questions.
of doing something
so
romontic for the first time con reolly be so incredibly moving. So l'm
wondering, if you would core io shore, whot v/os your first kiss like?"
THE EXCUSE. "l've been osking my friends this question lotely ond it
vise these questions, you'll come up with ones thot ore even milder
ond others thot ore even riskier. You decide how intimote o ques-
lion to osk by ossessing two things: how things ore going with the
THE DESCRIPTION. "Everybody hos o first-kiss story-thot feeling of
doing something so romontic for the firsl time con reolly be so incredi-
Mosl of the time, you'll wont to stort with the lower-risk questions,
bly moving."
THE OUESTION. "So l'm wondering, if you would core lo shore, whot
evefihing
There's some subtlety to it, but it's not rockel science or broin surgery (or,
You con tell thot you qre risking too much if you find yourself leov-
ing out the excuse ond description ports of the Romoniic Question.
os one of our students colled it, "rocket surgery''f . You ore not iust hiF
When guys get tense, lhey tend to leove out the excuse ond the
ting on someone. You ore developing o connection with her. You ore cre-
oting o connection bosed on things she cores obout, things she hos pos-
need to slow down, loke some deep breoths ond osk o lower-risk
querlion.
sion obout.
tt
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more intense ones. lf she bolks on the less risky ones ond seems
uncomfortoble, you know not lo go on to the more intense ques-
A: This hoppens oll the time, ond you should be reody for it. For
instonce, if you osk o womon,
'Whol
is your ideo of
tions until you get better resuhs with those less risky questions. ln
o reolly
this woy you con find out her level of interest strep by step without
romqnlic dote?" ond she onswers you ond osks you the some
risking moking things reolly weird for you both by osking some-
thot sounds reolly romontic lo you. There's no big trick to it; iust
tolk obout o situotion thot sounds romontic to you. lf you con use
your words to point o picture for the two of you trcgether, fiot's
Q:
with o womqn?
You'll see exomples of how we use Romonlic Questions in the
even better.
Obviously, you will wont lo speok from the romoncer porl of yourself when you onswer this question. lf she describes her ideol
this: pepper them in. Romontic Queslions ore not the sole focus of
your discussion. You tolk oboul the weother, lhe news, you do
some of the Flirting Moves, osk her obout her iob ond throw in
lover eoting lobster ond drinking fine wine, you won't wont to
respond by telling her thot your ideol romontic dote is on evening
diologs lhot ore coming up in this book, but the short onswer is
$e
thing ond describe something romontic thot she would olso enioy.
our students hove. The first problem most of our students hove
is
our students hove is dropping out the excuse ond the description
Q: Won't showing my romonlic interesl be emborrossing for us both?
It's true thot if you use Romonlic Questions properly she'll know
lost ond certoinly the leost problem our students hove is osking too
Hoving soid thot, it will probobly feel owkword the first few fimes
is very likely to think thot your desire for her is o veqy good thing
you osk one of these questions. As you proctice, you moy leove
woy up to the
utltu.irult$t!il*lnlm/ltll
'lt!$J
heort. Remember, thol meons you hove to leorn oll three ports of
lhe queslion: the excuse, the description ond the question itself.
oble
life. Your curiosity obout her will guide you in spontrrneously creot-
trc
like smiling, holding eye contoct ond winking ot her, oll perhops in
the contexl of doing some Situolionol Flirting. Perhops you've
osked her 'lVhot's the story behind thot?" obout her neckloce ond
thot's generoted some shoring conversotions. Things ore going
well. Then osk your Romontic Question. Moke your excuse, give
c0llcil$nll
As we'll see in the next chopter, osking Romontic Questions leods notu-
rolly lo osking her for her phone number ond emoil oddress. Asking
Romontic Questions noturolly segues into both of you wonting to hove o
dote. Asking Romqnlic Questions noturolly segues into hoving o womon
think of you in romontic lerms. On your dotes, you con osk Romontic
Questions to deepen into the feelings of romonce. Romontic Questions
fie dote, on
over you con get them in. You con osk Romontic Questions online, in o
il
llllt!
[rub0ruooqslfl[fl/till
your seduclion loolbox. The more fomilior you ore with this skill ond the
lo your odvontrrge.
cllil[8l| il
The cool port obout osking Romontic Questions is thot, once ogoin, ifs
more comforloble you ore with it, the more often you'll be oble to use it
womon, to get inlo her world ond to moke o reol connection. When you
osk
process
find out whot kind of connection con exisl between the two of you.
For eoch one of these exomples we'll give you the diolog ond breok in
occosionolly with some ploy by ploy so you con know whot wos going
As you reod these diologs, remember: you ore only getting the text of
the conversotions. You oren't getling the unspoken sociql cues thot go
olong with lhem, so let's bring you up to speed: during oll of these conversotions we ore smiling ond our voices ore friendly. Sometimes in
these diologs we moy soy things thot would seem confrontotionol if they
were soid in on ongry or horsh monner. But they're fine here becouse
our monner is light ond ployful. For instonce, ot one point Ron soys lc o
womon, "So you con relote lo lhe women who wos morried, yet she wos
sleeping with somebody else?" As you'll see in the diolog below, the
womon Ron wos tolking to didnt toke whot he sqid the wrong woy. Thot
wos becouse he wos smiling, they were hoving o good time together
ond it wqs cleqr to her thot he wos joking with her, not insulting
uilaE H
l[
her.
ln thir axompla Ron is going lo ixlk to Grri ond osk her the Romonlic
Quorlion
uruu.Iurtoil!oillsnlll,lill
lilhot
lo $,,sm*n
RON: lwos tolking lo some friends of mine lost night obout this ond
Let's look
greol, there's greot flow ond things seem to reolly be cooking ond
you feel incredibly speciol. So I wqs wondering: whot is it like
fie
wos iust on o dote lost week ond it wos wonderful becouse the
RON: Okoy, cool. So you ore the kind of women who likes it when o
RON: Well, I believe thot things hoppen for o reqson. Don't you think
thol's true?
TERRI: Oh yes, obsolutely.
RON: So you wont him to soy things like'You look beoutiful" or "You
know I con'l woil Io," you know, or "l would love to kiss you"?
RON: So I think this wos o good thing thotwe ore meeling ond tolking, ond I think moybe it wos meont to be. So from where I om siF
ting, moybe we could tolk ogoin. I would love to coll you ond go
iust
Lefs breok in here ond toke o look ol our story so [or. Ron is reolly doing
well wiih Terri. He got the question out ond she is reolly giving him some
informotion. As you reod this you should be osking yourself: whot is
Terri reveoling obout herself thot might help in the seduclion? Ron hos
leorned thot she is reolly turned on by
toble, so he puts thot doto point into his mind ond he'll use thot loter.
He'll leon forword ond show interest os soon os he con.
TERRI: Yes.
rruu,ilruUoilerilmrftilt
out for coffee ond iust hove the fun continue becouse I would hote
for this lo be o one-time thing.
TERRI: All right, do you wonl my number?
RON:
Yes, would
stomoch?
TERRI: Well, I think you con memorize if you ore reolly poying otten-
tion. ILoughs]
I om, bul perhops I should write it down too, iust to be sure.
llllllt h0 Tallt
Ta
Lefls teor
l1l|rn8|r
oport the second holf of this interoction. She soys she wonls
ten these flirting diologs to moke them letter-perfect becouse thofs not
guys who will shore obout themselves, so he osks her "Do you hove ony
questions for me?" to show her thot he is open to shoring obout himself.
You'll see thot ifs not necessory for Romontic Conversotions to be per-
fect for flirting ond seduclion lo work. As you proctice you'll hove more
ond wos oble to ploy with whot she soid. He mode o ioke ond it went
over well. He wos willing to iust open up his mouth ond soy whqtever
lltllflu
filll[ 0F R[uE|lr[[8
tlt0llrD B0
][ll?
come oul ond hove it be oll right. Remember whot we've soid before:
women ore looking to you lo see how well the inleroclion is going. lf you
be fun?" Notice how this question opens her up. lt is not necessorily
something thot is going to moke her melt with romontic feelings, like o
question obout her mosi romontic dote might, but it is olso low-risk ond
RON: ln lhe end, it seemed reolly noturol to osk for the phone number.
meon, il wos
get trc know her better so I osked her if she would like to go out. lt
So often our students worry loo much during flirting interoctions. They
RON: l've been thinking obout the ploces thot I like to go for odven-
tures. You
reolly speciol, fun, exciting ond owoy from your normol doily life.
Thot simply isn't lrue. As you reod fiese flirting inlerocfions, we hope
you're storting to understond thot flirting is nol o motler of "doing it perfectly." ll's o motter of showing up, risking, being curious, committing
yourself to being o source of certointy thot it's going to be okoy ond hov-
ing some fun with it. You'll see ogoin ond ogoin thot we hoven'l rewrit-
ul|ruioutboruouilSnllsnl
ll8tt, s0
xltr 1! wsrllsl}
RON: Wow thot sounds greot. Hove you done ony hiking in the
looking for something we con odmire obout the women we ore flirting
TERRI: l've hiked in Howoii ond Alqsko but most of my hiking hos
been in Wisconsin. There ore no mounloins here.
Terqy.
RON: The other thing thot I keep osking myself is'lVhot trcpic hos the
interested in troveling; i/s whot lights her up, il's whot gets her going
trc
me. And if it reolly does light her up, it will ultimotely get me inter-
TERRI: lt wos greot, iust driving oround comping in the different ports
the stort.
Let's look ot the rest of this conversotion. Notice how Ron hos fun with
RON: I don't get to meet o lot of women who ore such serious go-geF
lers or hqve thot much guls, so I reolly odmire thot obout you, thot
coost, you come ocross o sign thot soys, 'Tidol wove level, stoy
obove this sign." And you hope thot lhere's no tidol wove coming.
Le/s iump in here ogoin ond tolk obout how Ron is doing, flirting with
Terri. Ron is reolly curious, ond his curiosity reolly helps guide him in the
RON:
But you
it-you
when Terri tolks obout her trip to Alosko, Ron gets curious ond osks,
'lVhot wos thot like?" Thqt gives her more opportunity to shore obout
you ore loughing but it is true, you ore the one who goes to the
something she cores obout. Ron then compliments her by telling her thot
tidol wove. You like to come to the edge where it is iust olmost
he doesn'l get to meet women like her very often ond telling her
il
ultuu
fi
fiot
he
lrlhtu0l|ffflruil,t|il1
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TERRI: Right.
RON: Well, thonk you for being honesl-we finolly get on honest
onswer out of youl IBoth lough]
womon ond
URSULA: Someone who fully enioys it with me ond who is reolly with
plolul with o
of being willing to be
me. Becouse some people hove sex ond they ore not reolly with
you, but there is this other thing where you're reolly tuned into
eoch other ond you ore tololly communicoling with your entire
Conversotions.
body, including your eyes, ond speoking ond everything, ond you
son-it
senses
tor you?"
URSULA: I hove too. I meon, thot is the one time I reolly feel reolly
RON: I wos ot o dinner porty o couple doys ogo ond there were o lot
of people ond we storted tolking obout moments when people felt
corefree
wifi
tolking obout whot it is like when she is on o dote ond how she
feels free lo iust be herself, to moybe kiss o guy out of the blue or
plolulwith
hoving fun. You con tell Ron is noi going to end up iust o friend with this
womon.
RON: lwqs shocked with the onswer she gove me to the question-l
hod no ideo thot she wos going to respond with something so sex-
womn ond hoving o lot of women in your system. When your numbers
Ituul0utm$tflmm,ill
,l01$
*s lols ls ${sfn8ll
ore
god
ond you know how to tqlk to women, you'll be oble to find ond
focus on the ones who ore the most responsive, which mokes everything
it?
in the seduction o lot eosier. When you find the ones thot ore thqt responsive, you go for them ond you let go of the ones who ore resistnnt.
CAROL: [Loughs] I iust love fiot, when you ore reolly communicoting
with somebody ond you ore getting into the conversolion ond it
just goes deeper ond deeper ond you ore reolly tolking heort to
heort ond you feel completely with the other person, inside the
olher person, ond ogoin, it is iust thot greot thing where oll of o
sudden everybody else ot the porty iust disoppeors ond iust the
ln this exomple notice how Dovid geis curious obout whot the womon is
two of you ore suddenly there by yourself even though there is this
big bunch of noise going on oround you. h's like oll of o sudden
il's very quiel.
oction further.
i/s led to some pretty inleresting conversotions. For whotever reoson, lhere ore limes when you feel reolly connected to someone
CAROL: Yes, ond thot is iust on ideol kind of thing to hove in o relotionship.
else-it moy not be sexuol, it could be onyrvhere, but you iust for
whqlever reoson feel reolly connecled ond reolly possionote. So
This went reolly greot. This womon is very responsive. Corol described
l'd like to osk you: whol ore some moments in your life where you
the kind of moment where she wos oble to feel possionotely connected,
ond it wos fun ond it creoted o greol, romonlic feeling between the two
of them. She olso gove Dovid some greot informolion: she kept empho-
CAROL: I iust love it when you ore hoving o reolly deep conversotion
with somebody ond everything else tunes out. I meon, it con hoppen ot o porty, for instonce. There con be oll kinds of people
oround you, ond noise, or ii could be iust the two of you qlone.
The importont thing is the two of you ore hoving this conversolion
utCIut
ll0utc$0llflllnrofifi
sizing the imporlonce of o mon being with her. Dovid will be oble to use
this informotion in building o connection with her, ond use thot phrose
when he describes fiot experience to her. He con tell her how importont
it is for him to feel like he is with her ond more importontly con prove
thot by creoting o connection where she reolly feels like he is with her.
ll8Kl
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tS
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RON: Wos thot becouse of the scene, the romonce of the filming or
R0lllallrrc lll0u0$?
Now Ron is going ic osk Sue oboul romontic movies. Notice how he structures the question with the excuse ond the description. At this point they
hove been hoving o Romonlic Conversotion for o while ond she is pretty
lit up. She is veqy responsive ond obviously likes him. There is definitely o
sexuol vibe; he hos done oll of the things lo tqke himself out of the friend
it-to
ly gloomy, octuolly-Ron got curious. Whot obout this gloomy film did
she find romontic? And how
tion
wifi
cotegory.
movie, ond one wos between the morried women ond Rolph.
RON: So you con relole lo the women who wos morried, yet she wos
SUE: Me too.
SUE: Yes. Forgetting the morrioge port of it, they hqd on overwhelming physicol possion for eoch olher, ond thot wos iust very, veqy
exciting in the movie. And then fhere wos this other relotionship.
SUE: Reolly?
RON: Some women like it when o guy is o greot doncer, some like it
RON: And I thought $ot wos very romontic thot they go through oll
when o guy is o greot fotheri you never know whqt q womon will
this stuff to try to be together. And then there wos thol romonce
SUE: Did you think thot wos romontic? Oh, like there wos this one
SUE: One thot comes to mind is lhe Eng/ish Potient.
scene, it wos so
the
house she wos living in oll the woy trc the born where he is stoy-
RON: Oh yes.
ing. lt wos iust reolly greot. She comes out ond it wos o poth for
SUE: Thot wos very romontic.
her to follow right to him. And I think thot wos the first night they
moda love, they hod condles oll over ond it wos reolly romontic.
|ltutu.[0ut!$$ulmflillill
$0 lal|{ lb
wsnc[
'le{lr
lhese movies, how con I bring those imoges together with imoges
om iust using these tips for myself so when we get together loter
will know to light condles oll over the bedroom ond to hove o troil
liked itl
SUE: Yeoh, ond dress yourself up, you know? Weor something reolly
would most likely not hove been personol or horsh. lf the womon wos-
n'i inlerested in him romonticolly, she could very eosily hove simply
given o tepid onswer to Ron's remorks obout being in the bedroom with
her. She could hove soid, 'lVell, thot wouldn't work with me"
or "l'd
hove lo know someone o long time before thot would ever hoppen" ond
it wouldn't hove even been o blonket reiection of him. lt iust would hove
been onother piece of informotion obout her; onother port of lhe conver-
sotion. lnsteod, she went right olong with it, tolking obout chocolote ond
ophrodisiocs. lt reolly pushed everything to the next level. Ron con be
foirly ossured ot this point thot she will respond positively when he goes
As you con see, things ore reolly cooking between the iwo of fiem
so
Ron is oble to push it further by moking references to the greot time they
ore going to hove together qnd to octuolly being in bed together. They
ore strongly sexuol references, but becouse of the connection they hove
built through the Flirting Moves ond Romontic Questions she wos
go, nolice how he moves intrc the first-kiss questions. The point is, you con
trc
tie Romontic Questions together. There is no low soying you con only do
RON: Yes, lwos thinking, "How om I going to moke this reol? How
con I toke everything she soid obout whot she finds romontic in
ullu
hout!11!!s!f
lIf, {l{!!!
one ond you hwe ic brce on onswer. lf it looks like something else would
trc
Let/s
TERRI: Oh, let's see, ihere wos o Tom, thot's for sure. There were o loi
check it out.
of Bobs, too.
RON: I wos thinking the other doy. I wos remembering when I wos
younger, in high school, ond I wos thinking obout some of the
women I hod crushes on ond how nerve-wrocking il wos, feeling
exciting ond vulnerqble. Whot ore some momenls lhot you con
remember in your life, like when you hod o crush on somebody
RON: lwos thinking obout this too: the moments you ore kissing ond
you ore possionotely lost ond you ore soying to yourself 'This is
greol" ond it is so fulfilling to be with them ond you ore with them
ond your eyes ore closed ond you ore iust lost, iust getting into the
experience of it. Whot ore times for you, if you ore willing to
shore how you feel, wos it recently when you hove hod thot feel-
RON: Like the first guy you hod o crush on, whot wos it like?
TERRI: ln kindergorten?
TERRI: I hod two bofriends in kindergorten, bul they hod the some
nome so it wosn't reol confusing. High school, I hod crushes on
And-
lSmilesl
Let/s
soy we
ore kissing ond your eyes ore closed. Would this be o moment in
the kiss thot wos greot? Would it be ot the beginning, the middle
or...?
it?
TERRI: Something did hoppen there. We went steody for six months
when I wos
l3 yeors old.
RON: Whot wos o crush where you looked ot the guy like you ore
looking ot me ond you iust felt like your heort pitter potter, ond
rhor kind of thing.
uuU,[out$lot{glmruHilt
TERRI: lt would be ofter o little omount of time, but not o lot. You find
out reolly quickly if the kiss is greot.
RON: All right, greol, I understond thot. You con show me this loter.
DAVID: So I wos wotching this trovel show the other night ond I wos
get to the kind of intensity thot he wos looking for. He wos looking for o
response like 'Wow, with my first crush in high school, Bob, I couldn't stop
thinking obout him ond we couldn'l keep our honds off eoch other."
tion spot or vocotion dreom? You know, perhops o ploce you hove
been thot blew you crwoy or o ploce where you reolly sort of iust
let go. Or moybe o ploce where you would reolly like to go. I wos
This is fine, ond it's exoctly the sort of thing thot will hoppen with women
on o regulor bosis. The \ /omon you ore flirting with probobly hos not
reod this book, so she moy nol know the responses she's "supposed" lo
question.
And it worked-olmost
flirting remork obout how she could show him the best moment of o
kiss
loler on. Hod she been o little more responsive he could hove even gone
iust kind of curious obout your thoughts obout your ideql vocotion.
HEATHER: I reolly like to trovel. lwent to lrelond obout o yeor ogo,
ond thot wos pretty much the ideol vocotion. I went with o couple
DAVID: I bet you get to hove experiences thot woy thot you would not
otherwise hove. You get lo see things thot normol tourists would
leods into o lot of different iopics ond into o lot of different opportuni-
ties to flirt. Also notice how eosily the question drows her into tolking
Lel's iump in
obout things she cores obout ond oboui memories thot ore pleosont lo
ond it's working. First, he found out where her ideol vocoiion wos. Once
All these good feelings ore getling connecled lo Dovid, leoving her
he hod thot he storted osking her obout the best moment on thot voco-
her.
tion, the one momenl when she felt most speciol ond omozed qnd when
uU0l,Iut0illlHfflnHn,tll
llsn
tslilllrlslfilms'l
she felt like her life wos obsolutely ot its best. He let himself get curious
ond osk follow-up questions. You con see how thot is helping the whole
there. I kept telling myself thot I wos in lrelond. lt wos reolly mogicol ond beoutiful. There were woterfolls ond rolling hills ond o
is
your ideo of o perfect romontic dole?" would. Thot's okoy, becouse this
Romontic Question does nol exist in o void. Along
And onother time wos when we were neor o little town ond we
were driving olong the coostline on this norrow little
di* rood, it is
Queslion, Dwid is doing the Flirting Moves. Also, he will osk her other
Romontic Questions ihot build in intensity ond riskiness qs his interoctions with her unfold.
DAVID: Wow.
HEATHER: I guess fiey regulorly do thot, move lhem from one port of
the field to onother.
Dovid is olso getting lots of informotion obout her. He's leorning how she
likes to
dote where she hos oplions ond where they con "follow lheir noses"
rqther thon one thot is more tightly regimented or slructured. (You con
reod more obout seduction dotes in our book How lo Succeed wilh
o stick trying to get them in line ond trying to get them lo turn the
corner lo go on this other rood ond it wos iust veqy memoroble.
Thot would never hoppen oround here, ond it wos iust
o reolly
funny experience.
DAVID:
Yes, wow. Thot sounds greot, like one of those simple, perfect
often think obout those moments when you feel like you reolly
DAVID: Wos there one ploce thot you wenl to where you thought
something like
'Vow
wos there one experience you hod, moybe sitting on the beoch,
where you felt like
llltru.Ifilb0itl$rilt[f,lnon hll
hove lived life. You know, those moments thot loter in your life you
look bock on ond you qre reolly hoppy thot you took the opportunity thot come your woy. lt sounds like you ore pretty hoppy you
ftcok thot opportunity to go on thot trip ond to find out whot there
*ll n8{
?s
is|lfrlsn
'|l,$
wos in it for you. So whot obout your future? Are there ploces thot
you fontosize oboul going to thot reolly turn you on to think obout?
Let's breok
which led to her shoring o simple, wonderful momenl thot she will
olwoys remember. Now Dovid's curiosity hqs token him in the direction
of the future.
thot he is in the flow with her ond the conversotion, so there is some flexHEATHER: I hove olwoys wonted to go to Novo Scotio. I reolly don't
know o lot obout it but l'm interested in the music l've heord from
thol region, ond I understond thot o lot of people who live there
hove Scottish oncestors.
ibility. Until you get good ot it, you reolly should do oll three ports of the
Romonlic Question.
Also, notice thot Ron uses the queslion "Do you believe in love ot first
sight?" Wqtch corefully how he does thot, becouse, os you probobly
know, if you go up to o womqn in o bor ond soy, "Hey boby, do you
believe in love ot first sight?" you will probobly get nothing more from
her thon o drink thrown in your foce. But if you structure it properly, the
ond thot the music is greol. Like I soid before, one of the best
woy he does it here, you con reolly gel o conversolion going. He does-
n't leod with thot question but builds up to it, so it seems quite noturol.
DAVID: I con tellyou ore someone who reolly cores obout connecting
with people, moking reql connections. I find thot reolly ottroclive,
so thot is reolly o cool thing.
RON: You know, I wos tolking to o friend of mine ond we were tolking
obout different times she hos been in love ond whot it wos like,
cores
when you suddenly felt like you knew you were in love?
woy he mode the Romontic Question even more romontic by finding her
interest, odmiring it ond telling her
$d
womon lo whom he's ottrocted. These lost moves took the whole interoction to o more personol level.
lrlllu
luutlriutlr0lllrMls,mlll/hll
RON: I iust wont to know oboul one or two. I con recoll whot it wos
like when you soy
trc
being with hem ond it is olmost like the world becomes o rosy picture.
TERRI: Right, 'This person is perfed." The chemisiry is there, the com-
RON: lwould be curious, whot ore some of the best first dotes you've
mon interests ore there, the wit ond wormth ond ployfulness ore
ever been on? When you meel someone ond it is going greot ond
fiings ore good ond then you go out on o more romontic dole.
Whot qre some romqntic dotes you con recoll thot went greot?
RON: So it is greot.
TERRI: Storting out with dinner ond iust wolking oround, moybe
downtown, ond seeing the night sky from vorious ploces, sorf of
checking out whofs here, whofs there, whot new clubs ore there.
Just kind of exploring together. Then wolking bock to the cor ond
TERRI: Oh yes.
thinking, "l don't wont lo go home" ond he soys lo me, "Do you
wont lo go home yet?" ond I soy, "No, not me." Jusl continuing,
finding o quiet ploce... Going to eoch club, opening the door, soy-
ing, "No, too loud," closing the door ond moving on to the next
RON: Whqt ore the secrets? Does it hoppen to you, love ol first sight
one. Jusl not wonling the evening to end, iust being together, iust
tolking ond wolking.
bumping into eoch other iust sod of holding honds, iust step by
l[llt[
step, physicolly getting o llt bit closer, leorning more ond more
Rl|B
This time, Ron is tolking to Terri ond he is going tc osk her obout romon-
tic evenings trcgether. One thing to notice is how he brings the things she
soys bock to his relotionship with her ond iS inevitoble success by soying
things like 'You ore giving me lors of good tips on where I con loke you'"
tl
llilltu
h0ull0lmlllunuil !m,hll
ond being ouldoors too, iust enioying the night sky ond enjoying
the sights ond sounds together. lf you were in some exotic ploce,
you would probobly lose your focus, I think, on the other person.
llllrNr
bs Ia$
w8m8ll
RON: So you ore giving me o lot of good tips on where I con toke
TERRI: Right.
were wolching on old movie on W where there wos o lot of kissThis womon gove Ron
ing going on ond we gol inlo o conversotion obout the whole lost
her
ort of kissing. You know, people dont think obout thot enough.
ideol romontic dote, ond he got curious ond wonted to boil it down to
the bottom line. So he osked her, "So whot is it obout thot thot is so
Oh, logree.
omozing Ioyov?" And thot deepened her even more into the beling she
DAVID: I like everything thot your normol guy likes, but sometimes
liked so much.
worth noting thot you con use the question 'nVhot is it obout thot?"
'tVhot is it obout thot thol wos so greot?" will help her focus even more
moment in
you know? Like you ore oboul to kiss, then you stqrt to kiss, then
you ore reolly inio the kiss, then there's the first momenl your
tongues touch... And you could be kissing someone ond the world
often outline whot her ideol dote is. You will then use thot informolion
when you construcl o seduction dote with her. ln this cose, Terry is telling
Ron thot one thing thot might moke her hoppy is wolking oround down-
town, holding honds ond exploring. He's creoled o connection with her,
SU
kiss?
E: I just love thot very first instont when your lips come together.
There is nothing like it. lt gels good
you ore seporole, you ore seporole, you ore seporote, then you
get closer, closer, closer, you know you ore going to kiss ond then
utur!
i0ut0r{000film|m/tdlr
lloul tr8
TeNl{
}h $i,$mFn
SUE: [Loughs] I think thot hos hoppened. But I think it wos his broces.
should try to moke the whole lip touch their whole lip. And then
you con just slightly move your lips, like o gentle mossoging kind
too, I think.
You
know, you ore reolly filling up the person's lips with your lips, if
SUE: Yes, iust the very inslonl when your lips first touch.
DAVID: Especiolly for the first time with someone ond you reolly like
them ond you reolly trust them.
SU
lice my kissing.
E: Especiolly if they know how to kiss. I meon, I hove been out with
men
DAVID: I con imoginetyou ore moking me wont to try thot out, proc-
kiss.
This is o spot where octuolly toking thot first kiss would be o fine thing
lo do. Dovid could leon ocross ond soy, 'You meon, something
Things ore going greot. She's responsive to the question, so thofs reolly
like
greol news, ond she's getting used to shoring on this level obout such
intimote topics ond hoving if be o good time.
uilffi
We'll tolk more loter obout the first kiss, but for now, notice how this
Romontic Question could leod to
R0|Ilall[lc |n0uE$? lt
more deeply obout kissing, ond os the vibe becomes more intimote, it
would be o simple motter for Dovid to leon over ond soy something like
DAVID: I hove been wotching o lot of different movies lotely. l've been
in sort of o film-festivol mode oround my house. I meqn, I like
oction films but olso hove been getting into more romontic kind of
kiss?
SUE: llikethotone.
DAVID: I iust love lhose scenes where o womon is being swept off her
feet ond iust reolly oble to iusl totolly let go intrc some sort of
SUE: Well, I don't like o first kiss where your mouth is honging completely open. Thot is iust too much
bo
Your lips should be iust slightly ported, ond your lips need to be
very reloxed ond flexible. When you touch eoch other's lips, you
l|ll,ut
[0utl0tllllillu0ilffit
hllt
$mansil}
SUE: Well, you know, I om glod you mentioned When Horry Met
So//y, couse it is one of my fovorite movies. And I hove
scene
too-it
o fovorite
ol o New Yeor's
Eve
porty but they ore not in o relotonship with eoch other, but they
hove both tried relotionships with other people, ond there is o
momenl when Horry oll of o sudden he looks ot her ond he reolizes thot she is the one ond thot he loves her. He gets q look on
his foce, you con reod his mind, he is iust like looking ot her with
&l|es&i$1t6. $Er&
is
DAVID: Wow, thot's reolly cool. I hove olso been looking ot some of
the Cory Gronl movies. Like him ond Audrey Hepburn in
c0|lcil$r0[
Chorade.
You now know obout osking Romontic Questions. You hove seen the
spectrum of risk thot those questions con cover ond how ihey creote con-
DAVID: lwould love to see thot film ogoin: the woy they ploy together
versotion, intimocy ond openings for going deeper into your connec-
ond how Cory Gront is olwoys chonging identies ond they hove
tions with o womon. You've seen how using Romontic Questions does o
lot to keep you out of the friends zone ond creotes conversotions thot o
romontic. I reolly love oll the movies Cory Gronl mode, I reolly
love Io Cotch
A lhief
ullllu
Illul!uutl00lldubilltlil!tll
cltfp[El'n
mffillg mHllls rllrru0r
There ore other importonl steps to seducing
being oble to tolk to her. You need to get her number or emoil oddress
ond sei up the dote. You need to be oble to tolk to her on the
okoy, we've covered
fiot
in exhoustive
dote-
formot. Then we'll tolk obout going for the first kiss.
leorn obout where to meet women/ Priming Dotes, Seduction Dotes ond
much, much more, check out our book How fo Succeed wilh Women,
ll0l[ [0
R$ff FOl'
Men often osk us how to get o womon's number or osk her oul. There's
no trick trc it, os you'll see from this
O & A.
fi, u,8nl$ll
la$ins &lllills
QUESTION: Hey guys-l iusl wonled to osk how lo close the deol
with o girl. After tolking
br
f*tfiIer
your odvice.
trc
them
o meosure of how
ANSWER: This is simpler thon you might think. After chotting with o
womon for o while ond doing some of the flirting moves so she
So when should you coll her? When you wont to. But don't keep
knows yov're interested, you simply sey, "Hey, you seem cool.
colled you bock, she's not interested, ond tho/s too bod. Time
trc
move on.
l/s reolly jusl o motter of opening your mouth (oL os Ron colls il,
Sodly, the phone con become o reol stumbling block. Don't worry
fiot
looking lo you to see whether or not she should bel weird obout
ll$I|lx
il0
things. lf you don't think ifs weird to coll her, odds ore she won't,
either.
Mony o successful dote lives or dies on how you use the phone. You'll
see in these questions thot we consislently give one piece of odvice: get
This problem points tro the imporlcnce of getting her emoil oddress.
Set up the dote vio emoil or o combinotion of emoil ond telephone
is
responsive whenever I tolk with her ond I don't think she hos o
boyfriend. I got her number ond she soid I could coll her, bul l've
cqlled severol times ond she hosn't colled bock. Whot should I do?
time ond dote for the Priming Dote? I hote to keep colling, trying
to cotch her in person, especiolly becouse Cqller lD ond *69 con
moke it sooo eosy to find oui who iust colled you.
A: When o womon doesn't coll you bock, it does nol meon thol she
isn't inlerested in you. Never expecl o womon to coll you bock,
tt
llruu
irull[rllouud[fiillt*llll,tlll
This is o reol problem ond con kill o romonce before it even gets
nftinrfiilltins ftrmsr
qreo to oreo, but it's often occomplished by dioling *62, ihen the
However, the big snog l'm hitting lotely is ofter getling the girl's
*62, then
number-coller lD shows you os "Privote Number." Diol
the number. lf you get the mochine, hong up. Check your phone
l0
hoving ot leost three dotes per week ond l've hod none for severol
depends o lot on how hot o leod the womon is. lf you hove greot
ropport with her qnd hove flirted wirh her mony times ond ifs pretty
cleor she's iust being scotterbroined, you con soy something like "l
hove
trc
irc
leqve more thon three messoges wifiout getting o coll bock. lf you
don't get bock to me, I won'l be oble to coll you for o long time.
like you ond you seem like o greol womon, but thofs iust whofs up.
Stronge though these trends moy seem, they ore normol. And in
lf she doesn't return your colls ofter three messoges, we think she's
probobly not intere$ed. lf you see her, don't mention the colls-do
not confront her obout itl Flirt with her more ond try to set up o dote
right thenl
Q:
You certoinly ore hoving some solid success, ond thot is greol.
ln the meontime, here ore some other pointers we invite you to refed on:
How long do you woit to coll the womon ofter you get the num-
ond o holf ogo/ over ond over ogoin, l've become exlremely successful. l've reoched the point where I con get olmost ony single
ber? Perhops you ore woiting too long to coll ond set up the dote.
Moybe you should try to tie down the dote ot the some time you
get the phone number.
Are you octively doing the three-step reiection process when things
lltlllu.[nllh$ruild$llls,nwb$l
fifi$ s$ lfflll f0
$jslNl$ft
l.
heor o certoin number of nos before you get o yes, so this is one more
no you won'l hove to heor ogoin on your woy to the inevitqble yes from
someone else.
ffi []na[
hove known this girl for qbout two weeks. Extremely hot. I hove to
shoke guys' honds everywhere I go just becouse they hove seen
me with her. I don't wont to push it too fost with the romontic tolk,
but I olso wont her to think romonticolly obout me. I olso hove her
2. Chonge your interpretotion of why she reiected you from something
thot hqs to do with you lo something thot hos to do with her or with life.
"l guess she didn't heor me." "Looks like she's wropped up in her own
A: Good work on the first steps-going out with o womon you find
world." "Perhops her dog iust died." Remembe4 iusl becouse on explonotion is poinful doesn'l meon you hove to believe it. Find on explono-
tion thot is not poinful for you ond proctice believing thot.
You don't soy much obout your relotionship now. Whofs it like?
Are you kissing? Moking out? Hoving sex? Heck, ore you even
tion-find
holding honds? Does she know you ore not iust o friend? This stuff
in
is importont.
it.
lf they don't coll you bock, do you then ossume they ore not
intrer-
ested ond not coll them ogoin? We recommend thot you expecl
deduce thot you ore probobly not hwing sex with her. You must
them not to coll you bock qnd thot you coll o number of
times-
soy, three times-before you give up on them. With eoch coll, oct
ing her, for one thing. lf you ore noi complimenting her os o womon
Do you ever gel their emoil oddresses? This mighr be o more efbclive woy to seduce them. lf they ore busy moybe emoil is more effi-
Since you ore relucicnl to mqke romontic trrlk with her, we con
utCIt!,i0uhtm0fi
ulbium,oilull
olreod.
trc some-
llBlll t0
lrllr n llr0n8ll
one, she hos to go inside ond imogine whot you ore describing iust
cow you hqve lo imogine it. By the some bken, if you describe on
experience trc someone, she hos to go inside ond imogine hwing
rhot experience in order to understond whot you ore tolking obout.
ond romonce tc the womon of your dreoms. This will gei her in the
tiny port of her body, she'll go nuts for more. The mistoke most
big*ond
librory ond look under love poetry. Write her emoils thot soy things
like "l sow this poem ond it mode me think of you. I thought l'd
fost. To
shore it." Then enclose the poem. Feel free lo use the some Poem on
This meons slowly coressing the polm of her hond or ftcuching your
fingertips fic hers ond reolly bringing your ottenlion trr the beling of
ln your siluotion, romontic emoils should be port of your
the sensolion. Or you might iust lightly stroke the inside of her wrist.
ore shoring. Also, toke your time with it. Most of our students ore
ofroid thot if they don't rush sexuol inbroctions, sex will never hop-
pen. But it turns out the opposite is lrue. lf you show thot you ore
to risk finding out whot she thinks of you. lf you hoven't kissed her
reolly willing fic give her detqiled, ottrentive touching ond thot you
yet, you should soon. Whotever you do, don't let this thing remoin
oren't pushing things, it will very often drow her towords you. Also,
"moybe friends, moybe potentiol lovers." Be the mon, push the siF
if you ore willing trc show thot you hove some foith thqt sex will hop-
pen-you show this by not pushing things too hord, or too fostyou will be very oltroclive
heoded guys who either ore friends becquse they show no intrerest
!ilIu,hil!b$mmdutthuomm unrhlh
trc
You moy olso wont to hold eye conficct while you ore doing this
il
These steps
willing to look intrc her eyes ond tc have her look inb yours'
Show her you ore willing to hold thot intimote contrrct. She'll probo-
even
ond you ore interested in her romonlicolly then you must loke oction to
beween us is reolly omozing" con do o lot to intensify her oworeness ond occeptonce of thot energy. lf she soys, 'Yes, it reolly feels
greol," tho/s when you might wqnt lo kiss her. You con either slowly
leon in ond kiss her without soying onything or use the onnouncement method ond soy something like "Dont ponic, l'm going to kiss
you now."
do-but
gy," then you know to not bother trying to kiss her' lf she soys, 'Yes,
ly) from being romontic. Perhops you've mqde fort iokes, soid collous things or treoted her like o buddy-nothing too serious. These
I feel it ond it reolly scores me, I think we should slow things down,"
then you know to bock off for o while until she is comfortoble. Often
will hondle
Other women hqve you squorely in the iust friends cotegory ond
or*
the sod foct-they simply moy not like you very much ond iust keep
you oround
ly ic furn lhase women intrc lovers, but by trying, ot leost you'll get
u$u.hlllbm00$ilultIu0lllil t0n,bill
who
them out of your life ond cleor some psychic spoce for women
trc
style.
lf you ore going trr be seductive with o womon, you musl be willing
lf you wont
okoy-
even if i/s romonlic. Thot meons thot you believe il's okoy ond let
rhing is greot! Since she's probobly been looking irc you ond your
women. Pursuing ond being successfi;l with other women is the only
behovior ic know how to feel obout things, most of the time this will
woy to hove reol freedom oround the friend you ore trying to
seduce. lt will give you o sense of potience with her, remove ony
moke you
sense of desperotion you moy be feeling oround her ond
less
woiloble-qnd
her know it. You don't oct like lhere's o problem-you oct like every-
strrrt using the flirting skills. You must osk 'Whot's the stoqy behind
if
ly with her thon onother womon would? Answer: nothing. Morol:
behoviors intc your lib, women will nof wonder whether you ore o
you wonr o womon trr see you os o sexuol mon, rolher thon bosicol-
womqn would. This is true for women you ore iust meeting os well
os for women who
you os o friend. Bottrom line: you must flirt with her, weird os it moy
depressed when you're with the femole friend you wont lo hove sex
feel to you the first time you do it. You must flirt'
with, comploining obout your life ond generolly being o whiner. You
must strcp doing ihot right owoy. She should find herself thinking,
so often q mon who ends up o womon's friend fulls into the trop of
wonting lhe womon to bel combrtoble obove oll else'
sulrutmrmnlulbhumil tm,lill
piece of thot!" rother thon 'Wow, this guy is o downer." You must
poinful for me to be iust friends with someone I bel this woy obout.
ocl more upbeot, like you hove something going on in your life' The
One mon we know did thls with o womon he wos interested in. She
Don'l bockslide.
hod doted him o few times, then decided they should be iust friends.
you moy be trempled to foll into the trop of octing like o friend
trc
be
her*ot
leost
my new best friend." Arrrgl) He storted following the doting fundomenlols oggressively ond soon found himself being sexuolwith
iust friends.
women by thinking the first kiss hos lo come ot the end of the dote. They
trc honestly
therefore don't hove their eyes open for opportunities to go for the kiss
ly looking forword
eorlier ond put so much pressure on themselves ot the end of the dote
irc
er we both found the time. Her response? 'But I reolly wont lo see
you!' By being hoppy ond busy, l've been oble t'c keep her pursuing
me, ond l'm confident l'll end up in bed with her." He's free irc be
As you proctice flirting, you'll find thot there ore more opportunilies lo
polient with her, to work the seduction slowly, ond not be ottoched
build up to ond go for the first kiss thon you used to think. For exomple,
to the outcome. Be upbeot ond busy if you wont to turn o friend into
o lover.
womon interests you, lry to olwoys open doors for her. ln o nice restouront, pull out the choir for her. lf she is o possenger in your cor, open the
lf you do whot we soy, things will
door for her ond close it for her ofter she gets in. These little gentlemon-
slrrl seeming more romontic with the women you befriended. She'll
ly moves ore like the Flirting Moves; they keep reminding her thot you
either get with the progrom (ond probobly soy, 'You've chonged!")
ore nol iust o friend. You ore o mon, treoting her like o womon. This will
or she'll tell you in no uncerloin lerms thot you ore now ond will for-
R.efuse
trc
stop honging
oround with her. Without hedging, tell her, "l'm sorry but i/s trco
uw hrshrmilldulilumm mtntbtll
demon is o form of Situolionol Flirting, becouse you qre using the ele-
&lrirK lfflllins
l[ t{8lllsn
futlGr
the elements of the situotion fic show romonlic interest (though it wosn't
comic, os most Situotionol Flirting is). As they woited outside the club for
kiss.
Here's on exomple: Dovid wos once on o dqte thot hod been set up by
some friends
their friends, Betsy osked Dovid, 'Aren't you cold?" He onswered, 'Yes,
oOkoy,'ond they leoned fitg"thbut o kiss would worm me up!" She soid,
er ond kissed.
olwoys odvise our students not lo count on their friends lo set lhem up,
At thd point, they hod known eoch other obout two hours. He hod firted
but ot the some lime being set up is on occeptoble port of your doting
ond shown romontic interest ond she hod responded. Once this kiss hod
strolegy. lt iust should never be your one-ond-only hope. We olso usuolly tell men to hove Priming Dotes before hoving dinner dotes. (A
Priming Dote is o cofhe dote you hove with o womon. You don't move
ment ond using the situotion to his odvonlrege, Dwid wos oble to get
first kiss well before the end of the dote-ond much more lqter in the
lo
Succeed wilh
$e
evening.
But few rules ore corved in stone, so Dovid went olong on this dinner-
prefi ond
coffee shop. He hod done the Flirting Moves qnd osked his dote the
Romonlic Question
'lVhot
intelligent. They hod o good time ot dinner; Dovid wos flirting with her,
smiling, holding eye conloct, winking ond checking out her body. He
ond describing them in detoil. She then osked him obout his ideol romon-
osked her'Whofls the story behind thot?" ond did some Deepening. He
tic dote, ond they looked into eqch othey's eyes os he tolked obout it.
dqte?" ond oll four of them discussed it. Dovid noticed thot ofter this,
She excused herself to go to the bqthroom. When she come out of the
bolhroom, she poused in front of the fire burning in the coffee shop's
fireploce. Ron come up behind her ond gently put his honds on her
After dinner the four of them went doncing. Dovid's friends lei Dovid ond
Betsy
off in front of the donce club while they went to pork lhe cor. lt wos
shoulders. She turned ond smiled, looking into his eyes, ond they kissed
severol times. This wos ofter knowing her for oboul on hour.
cold, so Dovid took off his iockei ond put it oround B"tty't shoulders os
they wolked trc the club. This wos Situotionol Flirting in thot it wos using
urur
lilltullild[l[huemllm/illl
[ut,lHlil$illil||unil,0til/itll
llr,ur &s
lltx
l0 il$eKsll
One of our students mel o womon ol o compus grocery co-op. They hit
but of course, you never know. The bottom line: if you've shown romon-
it off ond he osked her if she'd like to go to o coffee shop with him. She
soid yes, so they went lo one ond tolked for over on hour. He did the
Flirting Moves ond Deepening ond osked some Romonlic Questions.
Second, she must like the ideo of being kissed. You test this through the
flirting ond Romqntic Conversotions thof you do. lf she resists your flirt-
like to be doing with your life?" She onswered, ond there wos o very
ing
close, intimote feeling in the oir. She osked him the question bock. He
onswered, "l don't knowwhot lwont to be doing with my life, but I know
the first kiss. lf she onswers oll your Romontic Questions with one-word
thot right now I wont to be kissing you." She blushed ond soid, "Okayi'
or evosive replies, she's probobly not interested. Don't bother going for
ond he leoned ocross ond kissed her. From thot point on, there wos no
if she won't hold eye contoct, glores ot you when you check out her
question thot their relotionship wos romqntic, not iust friends. Totol time
from meeling her to getting thot first kiss? One hour ond 20 minutes.
lf she's been receptive trc oll the other romontic things you've done then you
con go
Does this hoppen every time? Of course not. But it con hoppen
o lot more
thon most men reolize-but you hove lrc toke the opportunity to go for the
kiss when it presents itself. Simply
br
wifi o good
of woys trr do it. You con osk her if you con kiss her, but mony women ftnd
this offonsVe, believe it or nol. You con "iusl do it
run the risk of doing it ogoinst her
will-which
is
"
dromoticolly increose your chonces of getting the first kiss well bebre the
if it
onnouncing the kiss by leoning trrword her ond sqying something like
kiss you"
works well ond doesn't leqve her thinking thot you ore o beggor or o ierk.
fiot
see
c0llcil$n1l
though it is o criticol porl. You still must be oble to get her number or
here's the
X-foctor-if she likes you. lf you do fiese things, shet likely to like you,
emoil oddress, set up the dote ond go for thot oll-importont first kiss. lf
you odd the skills in this chopter
women, you'll go o long woy toword hoving the sex life you desire.
tr
C]lilIBl' H
$0[cl[f,l0ll
Congrotulotions! From this moment forword, you never hove lo feel like
you ore "stuck" in your tolking to women ogoin. You now know the
Flirting Moves, 'lVho/s the story behind lhol?," Situotionol Flirting,
Deepening, the Goodbye lntroduction, Romontic Questions ond more.
with your body. As you proctice with this moleriol, you will find thot
lhere's olwoys o direction you con go in o conversolion with o womon,
ond the ports of $e sequence oll fit together. lf you don't know whot to
do ond ore seeing o womon for the first time, you con soy hi or use the
use
your curiosity, either by osking o curiosity queslion ond follow-up questions or by osking 'Whofs the stoqy behind thot?"
Other limes, you'll find you con go from hi to o Situotionol Flirting move,
moking some sort of loke or creqlive misinterpretotion obout the environmenl, ond you con bond by being silly ond loughing together. Doing
lM!
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plolul
R|l[ Hllallu._.
Ultimotely, the conclusion of this book is writien by you.
Once
o womon storls
"l
i/s
eosy
lo
strcrt osking
moments they don't like, but very often there ore momenls where you
feel like, 1Mow, this is whot I wos put on eor$ to do.' l'd be curious to
h/s
written by you
in how you live your life ond how you use this moteriol. lf you look ot this
os on interesting book thot you got o fow tips out of, tho/s fine. But this
book will be oll the more powerful if you review the progrom ond set it
trc
work. You write the conclusion...in howyou use this book in your lib.
know, if you'd core to shore, whot ore some of lhose moments for you?"
From there il's eosy lo odmire whot she is into ond reflect il bock lo her,
which mokes you more speciol in her eyes ond connects you even more.
Even though we don't know you personolly, we reolly do core whot hop-
pens trc you ond your success wilh women. We reolly do wont this book
to speok directly
While this is going on, of course, you've been procticing your Flirting
Moves. You've been moking ond holding eye conloci, you've been mok-
ing decisions quickly ond eosily, you've been winking ol her, you've
been complimenting her ond so forth. These moves odd to the certointy,
both on your porl ond hers, thot you ore tolking io her qs o mon tolks
trc
ence in your life. We hope ic meet you somedoy ol o seminor, through our
you for getting hrough the sections you might hwe disogreed with or
bund difficult. ln oll sincerity, we commend you for toking the sieps you
need to toke to develop the kind of success with women you desire.
ing olso help. At this point you might osk her out for o coffee dote. On
thot dote you con do more flirting, more "regulor" conversqtion ond
.
o
r
Ir
uuu
llttll!nl$iliulilu0nil r0lll/hli
?I
)hy
less
lmogine going from feeling guilty, ofroid, or oshomed with women to feeling good
oboui showing romontic interest, ond hoving it work for both you ond the womon!
Tho/s whot Overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome is obout.
rother be lovers.
AS
AT:
Imaoine...
Being oble hc both respect women, ond let them know obout your sexuol interest in
them...knowing thotyour intentions with women ore good, even if you ore only interested in shorl-term sex...being oble to provide both sofety ond risks for women...not
hoving
reiection...being curious obout women ond life, ond letting thot guide you.
lmogine being o nice guy who is interesting ond exciting to women, ond who is oble
to get sex ond relotionships with them.
Ordering
doily lessons on
l6 CDs or oudiocossettes, including obout three hours of tope of us flirting with
live women in the studio, olong with o ZO-poge workbook, including speciol
trocking forms. lt is designed to teoch you every ospect of developing o doting
life, from finding "niches" thot moke it eosy to meet women, to knowing whot to
soy when you first opprooch o womon, to toking q seduction oll the woy trc the
The Mostery Progrom Tope Series is 32 professionolly-recorded
bedroom.
lmogine hoving Ron Louis ond Dovid Copelond with you, evety doy, for over o
month, teoching you step-by-step everything you need ic know to moster the 8
doting "fundomentols" ond to hove the success with women thot you wont.
You'll leorn:
o How to generote interoctions with women ihot con become romontic
o How to ironsform your feor of reiection into o friend thot powers you toword
5UCCe55
Tr*"
How to show your romontic interest in women in woys they will enioy
How to overcome your inner "blocks" thot stop you with women
o How to flirt with women, osk them out, go for the first kiss, ond morel
r
r
the woy
This course is perfect for ony mon who feels "stuck" in his doting life wi$
women, ond who reolly wonts to iump-stort profound improvemenls in his relotionships with women.
Eosy woys ic get lots of women into your online flirting "system"
The five fundomentol rules of flirting vio emoil, ond how to never breok
them ogoin
Reol world exomples of emoil interchonges with women thot worked, ond
discussion of the reosons why they worked
o How to furn ony lnstont Messqge conversotion into o seductive conversotion,
wiih numerous reol world exomples, so you con see exoctly how Louis ond
Copelond ore thinking obout internet seduction, every step of the woy
.
.
j$mq,
9EXG
The lntemet Seduclion Toolkit costs $l I .95 plus $5.95 Postoge ond Hondling in
the USA. lt is not ovoiloble to be shipped outside of the USA, except olong with
orders for our oudio courses. lf you wont to order it from outside the USA, pleose
purchose the eleckonic, downloodoble version ot
www. howtosucceedwithwomen.com/tool kit/i ndex. htm l.
Find out more ond order online ot:
didt
http:
or
ur
PTEASE VISIT
hornrb$lKSSd
wi$,tW[mgll.eo]n
six-
Our privocy policy: we will never rent, trode or sell your emoil
oddress
EXPIRATION
DATE
l-l
cPt
or I
WIIH,
ToOIKIT
$1
I.95
USI
TOTAI
MAI[:
Wt53Z05
(608) 663.1550
rsBN B-1?150?t-0-l
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