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WP 2 Draft
WP 2 Draft
Zack DePiero
Writing 2
11 May 2016
Deflategates Inconclusiveness
Deflategate, another terribly-coined scandal that is one of the latest
in the ever-controversial National Football League(NFL), is the latest attempt
to pin one of the leagues franchises as cheaters. To analyze and gather a
deeper understanding for this outrageous and heinous attack on Tom Brady
and the New England Patriots, two scholarly pieces-- Football under
pressure: Assessing malfeasance in Deflategate by Kevin Hassett, Joseph
Sullivan, and Stan Veuger, and Nature or Naughty: Bringing Deflategate to
the High School Chemistry Classroom by Elizabeth Megonigal-- and a nonacademic piece -- an op-ed published in the New York also written by Kevin
Hassett and Stan Veuger named Deflating Deflategate were examined. In
the following paper, similarities and differences are examined between the
academic and non-academic sources rhetorical features and conventions
such as logos to present scientific facts, pathos to appeal to readers
emotions, formal and non-formal diction to achieve a genre-specific tone,
how each author uses different moves to enhance each works attempt at
breaking down Deflategates flaws, and how the same author uses the same
moves in two different genres. Whether the piece is about reviewing a
classroom activity or presenting the flaws in the Wells Report(a report done
on the Patriots by the NFL regarding alleged deflated footballs), each also
contains features of how they appeal to their specific audience.
larger than the measured decrease in air pressure in the Colts footballs. This difference is
not just substantively, but also statistically insignificant (t=1.53)(Hassett,Sullivan,Veuger)
much. The second is that the Colts balls declined too little. And in the
research article they state, The Patriots footballs were measured first,
followed by the Colts footballs, after which those Patriots footballs that were
deemed not sufficiently inflated were re-inflated. [Or] The Patriots footballs
were measured first, followed by reflation of those Patriots footballs that
were deemed not sufficiently inflated, and only then were the Colts footballs
measured. These two instances of parallelism come during important times
within both pieces, as they are giving one of their main arguments in each;
that the Wells Report ignored the second possibility of each scenario
therefore making the results inconclusive.
scientific data to logically appeal to the audience in the academic piece, the
authors used an informative tone combatted with the use of the first person
to reach the hearts and emotions of their readers. Carroll conveys, ...it is
difficult to get us to act unless we are also persuaded in our heart.(53) For
example the article states that, Considering that our impartiality was at
least implicitly recognized by the N.F.L. in the past, we believe that our
analysis of the evidence in Deflategate, in a study released Friday by the
American Enterprise Institute, could help resolve this latest controversy. In
the first part of this thesis-like statement, the informative tone is set with
specific diction and phrases like, implicitly recognized illustrate the
authors previously earned credibility from their problem solving skills shown
in the Bountygate scandal.
A different tone was presented in the scholarly article, Assessing
Malfeasance and contained a ruthless, diametric tone towards the NFL. Like
the non-academic source, the diction included in the academic sources
depicted the type of tone that each source would contain. The authors of
Malfeasance contend that, One could argue that the broad range of
uncertainties we have identified here makes for evidence that does not
provide a reliable foundation for decision-making, and that the lack of
robustness of the results presented suggests that the methods applied by
the Wells report are unreliable.(Hassett) within this sentence the ruthless
and diametric tone are prevalent and assist the authors in attacking the NFL
to reassess their actions regarding Deflategate.
that it was placed in. The inclusion of scientific facts and data made it clear
that the Wells Report was wrong and the data to prove it was present. The
data included in the article would not have fit in the op-ed piece, as it was
catered to a broader non-scholarly audience which had yet to be introduced
to all the details of the story and is most likely unfamiliar with the
mathematical processes used. The op-ed was able to use the first person -unlike the scholarly article -- which allowed the authors to maintain an
informative tone. The classroom activity was different in that data was not
presented, but instead it was included as a background information handout
for students to ease them with constructing an opinion regarding
Deflategate. The genre suited this specific scholarly piece perfectly and any
other genre that the information was presented in would have negatively
impacted its effectiveness by not allowing it to appeal to bored students and
teachers wanting an interesting classroom activity. Similar topic can be
written about using similar or different rhetorical features, moves, and
purposes, but some genres suit different topics better than others to convey
a similar message.
Works Cited
Carroll, Laura Bolin. Backpacks vs. Briefcases: Steps toward Rhetorical
Analysis. N.p.: n.p., n.d. Print.
Graff, Gerald, and Cathy Birkenstein. They Say/I Say: The Moves That Matter
in Academic Writing. New York: W.W. Norton, 2006. Print.
Hassett, Kevin A., and Stan A. Veuger. "Deflating Deflategate." The New
York Times. The New York Times, 13 June 2015. Web. 11 May 2016.
Hassett, Kevin A., Stan Veuger, and Joseph W. Sullivan. "Football under
Pressure: Assessing Malfeasance in Deflategate." - IOS Press. N.p., 17
Dec. 2015. Web. 11 May 2016.
Megonigal, Elizabeth J. "Nature or Naughty: Bringing "Deflategate" to the
High School Chemistry Classroom." - Journal of Chemical Education. N.p.,
n.d. Web. 11 May 2016.
Met
Exceeded
Meet
Expectatio
Expectatio
Expectation
ns
ns
s
Thesis Statement
Use of Textual Evidence
X
X
from Genres
Use of Course Readings
Analysis
Organization/Structure
Attention to
X /X+
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors
Attention to Moves
Exploration of
X/XX
Disciplinarity
Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow
Stanger,
Comments and Grade
I can tell you put a lot of work and effort
into this paper -- thanks. :) Its got a
bunch of potential, and I hope my
comments can guide you in a productive
direction.
Z
8.5/10 - 0.5 for no feedback matrix =
8/10