Korsh 1

Kailah Korsh
5/5/16
Writing 2
Prof. Zack De Piero
WP2 first draft

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:46 AM

Comment [1]: Korsh!

The Relevant Reactions to Hook-up Culture

Is everyone in the modern young-adult generation lazy? Do they all party too
much? Is hookup culture making dating obsolete? People throw around many opinions
about my generation, but sometimes fail to consider the thoughts of those who are
actually partaking in said generation. For my WP2, I analyzed three articles that all
strived to address the relevant issue of how millennials actually feel about our supposed
hookup culture. I looked at a pop-culture website called The Odyssey, that has an article
written by college student, Catherine Guarino, called The Sad Truth About Our College
Hookup Culture. In contrast, I looked at an academic article called Development and
Validation of the Endorsement of the Hookup Culture Index from The Society for the
Scientific Study of Sexuality, written by Jennifer Aubrey and Siobhan Smith, as well as
an academic article called College Student Development and the Hookup Culture,
written by Karen D. Arnold in the field of developmental studies. These three articles
vary a lot in their levels of formalityThe Odyssey being the least formal and the
sexuality study being the most. A combination of the articles organization, as well as the
authors conventions and moves are what make these articles different and particular to
their field. These aspects allow each article to accomplish something different, such as
informing readers or promoting change.
The organization of each article gives window into the formality of the article, and
therefore its overall intentions. The Odyssey article is organized in small paragraphs that
range from about three to seven sentences. There is no clear topic of each paragraph;
the article rather represents a stream of consciousness. The point of the article is clear

I know you've got a lot to "say" -- and

that's awesome -- but you've gotta stay
within the assignments reqs. If I turn this
to 12 point font (standard) it's closer to 7
full pages.
That's significant for two reasons: (1) each
extra page takes longer to read/respond to
for me, and (2) you're losing out on the
valuable skill (seriously) of condensing
what you want to communicate into the
most crucial parts. (Ie, less can be more!)

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:48 AM

Comment [2]: Crystal-clear to me. This
is a great instance of how using "i/me" *IS*
appropriate for your paper when *you*,
yourself, are relevant to your
topic/argument.
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:48 AM
Comment [3]: See if you can re-phrase it
-- chop down a few words and maybe a
comma.
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:50 AM
Comment [4]: I think you can cut this
sentence down to size a bit also. For
instance, you wrote "an academic article"
and "written by" twice each.
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:51 AM
Comment [5]: Alright, I like how you're
addressing the "so what, who cares?"
question by saying that these pieces
promote change -- nice job on that front.
However, I'm not totally sure what you're
arguing here.
What *about* their organization? What
*about* the conventions? What about the
moves? What's different about them, and
why does that matter?

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:52 AM

Comment [6]: I'd like to see you weave
in a rationale for why you've chosen to
address "organization" as a topic first -why are you using this as your
springboard paragraph, right after the
intro? (Is organization more important
than the other conceptS? Does it drive the
other concepts?)
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:56 AM
Comment [7]: Really? There's no
intentional -- or even subconscious -- flow
to it?

Korsh 2
throughout, rather than being built up to. In the first paragraph, Guarino reveals that
many people are constantly looking for someone in all the wrong ways and all the
wrong places in hopes that it will go somewhere meaningful. *SPOILER ALERT IT
NEVER DOES* This major point is immediately revealed in the essay and continues to
run through the article as she tries to convince other millennials to take a stand against

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:56 AM

Comment [8]: Ha!

this culture and change their actions. The lack of organization makes the article appear
as if it is first-order thinking, which is characterized as being intuitive and creative and
doesnt strive for conscious direction or control (Elbow, 55). Rather than to inform
readers in a logical way, the intentions of this article seem to be to unite and persuade
the young adult generation with some general thoughts that this author has.
In contrast to this method of organization is the sexuality studys approach. This
academic article uses IMRADintroduction, methods, results, analysis, discussiondue
to the fact that the article explains a study. In order to make the information from the
complicated study reader-friendly, it is necessary for the article to present the data in this

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:57 AM

Comment [9]: OK, quick thought for you,
Korsh:
Based on your topic sentence, I was
expecting to read about the organization
across *all 3* articles -- however, this
paragraph is only devoted to The
Odyssey.
Is an adjustment in store?

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:57 AM

Comment [10]: Love how you weaved in
this quote. :)
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:58 AM
Comment [11]: In contrast how? (Also, I
think you might want to inject some
punctuation.)

conventionally social-science way. This organization gives the impression that the article
is intending to inform those who are reading it in the most efficient way possible. The
article from the developmental field is different because there is no study done. What the
article does instead is take information that is already known, and compile it in an
organized, connected way, in order to take the reader through certain steps to reach a
conclusion. For example, some titled sections are Identity Development, Sexual

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 1:58 AM

Comment [12]: How, why?
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:03 AM
Comment [13]: You're changing gears
again, Korsh -- this content *within* the
paragraph isn't reflected by the preview *at
the start* of the paragraph (i.e., the topic
sentence).

Identity Development, Identity In Emerging adulthood, Cognitive Development, and

so on. There is a clear organization based on necessary background information that
build up until the article reaches the final Conclusion section. These more strictly
organized articles contain a plethora sections for background knowledge and facts,
which tell that they are probably intending to inform the audience, rather than persuade
the audience of an opinion.

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:03 AM

Comment [14]: How does it build up?
Can you extend this thought a bit further?

Korsh 3
The conventions of each piece, or the similarities within genres [that] help us
communicate successfully, even further emphasize what each article is trying to

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:03 AM

Comment [15]: Nice use of brackets.

accomplish Dirk, 258). In addition to the aforementioned short paragraphs, the Odyssey
article is also very short in general, being no more than two pages at the most. It
contains no extensive discussion or secondary sources, as the other sources do. A
typical sentence of this piece goes, in this age of drunken hookups, this is why your
night or your princess is nowhere to be found. We all do it. This is about as in-depth as
the authors reasoning goes to explain the current lack of dating she and others
experience. She uses a hunch that she has to explain behavior she observes, rather
than using facts or other sources to support her claim. She also fails to explain any
terms that are brought up, but instead assumes that her readers are well informed
enough to know. The author stays at the surface when exploring the topic, and has
conventions that are typical or short opinion pieces. The conventions of the sexuality and
developmental pieces contrast to these conventions in a huge way by creating extremely
in-depth articles.
The sexuality article starts out by defining terms. For example, Smith and Aubrey
define culture as a set of shared values, goals and practices and hookup as having a
lack of expectation for a future commitment. There are also large spaces between the
organized paragraphs that all start with a heading based on what the paragraph
contains. The article operationalizes the endorsement of hookup culture (EHC) among
young adults by measuring four aspects of the culturecommitment, fun, status, control,
sexual freedom. These are measured with questions that address each of the aspects
on a five-point scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). The data in this
article appeals to the readers logos, their intellectual side, by using logic and reason to
support the argument. This resultantly creates ethoscredibility of the rhetorwhich
makes readers more likely to be believe and listen to the article (Carroll, 52). These

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:06 AM

Comment [16]: I like how you're
providing some follow-up analysis, but I'm
wondering: how, exactly, does this relate
back to your argumemt???
I'm not saying that it doesn't, but if you
think it does, I think you might need to
make that connection more clearly.
Remember (and I know you know this, I'm
just providing a reminder): I don't know
what's going on in that big brain of yours,
so it's your job (as the writer) to guide
readers like me as carefully as possible.
It always comes back to your argument -argument, argument, argument. (At least
for argumentative papers!)

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:09 AM

Comment [17]: Can you work in a
transition from the previous paragraph
(and the ideas in it) to this paragraph (and
the ideas in it)?
Put another way: why place this paragraph
*here*? How/why does it build off of the
last one?
Dropping that kind of
language/explanation into your sentence
here could help me see how the parts fit
together -- that is, how your argument is
unfolding.

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:09 AM

Comment [18]: Yes! This is the good
stuff! I want to hear a lot more about this!
Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:09 AM
Comment [19]: Is this a central part of
your argument?

Korsh 4
conventions are more academic, but still similar to conventions in the developmental
article, which contained conceptual definitions and secondary sources for data. This
article states that hookup is generally understood to refer to an intimate physical
encounter between partners who hold no expectation of an ongoing committed
relationship. It then includes that The extensive empirical research on Chickerings
vectors of identity development confirms that students do not arrive in college with full
mastery of these tasks [achieving a stable adult identity]. The secondary sources in this
article are vital to comprising the information that makes the point of the article provable.

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:10 AM

Comment [20]: I agree -- is it worth
devoting a whole paragraph to this?

The conventions of each of the articles further emphasize the informative approach that
the scholarly articles take, as opposed to the informal cry for change that the Odyssey
article embodies.
The author of each piece uses specific moves that aid in their intentions of writing
the piece. The Odyssey author uses all capitals, italics, bolded words, astrices, and

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:10 AM

Comment [21]: Worth
defining/describing what you mean here?

conversational jargon such as we and you in order to reach her audience. For
example, a sentence reads We have to pretend like we dont care, and do whatever we
can to prevent catching the feels. (Because thats the worst thing ever, right?!) BUT
GUESS WHAT? Its all a game and no one is winning, so its time to put an end to
this. Excessive punctuation (?!, ?), conversational pronouns (we), and eye-catching
attributes on certain words (bolded words, all capitals) are all moves that Guarino uses
to catch the attention of her reader and try to keep it. She also takes on a
conversational, yet condescending, tone by asking the reader questions and then
answering them herself as if the answer should be extremely obvious. Rather than using

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:12 AM

Comment [22]: For sure. Now: how/why
is this significant? Why are you bringing
this into the conversation?

concrete data or secondary sources to inform and gain credibility with readers, she relies
on eye-catching moves and a very informal tone in order to relate to her readers in
hopes that they will listen.

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:13 AM

Comment [23]: Awesome -- I love this
little slice of "compare/contrast" language.
This "move" helps me to follow how all the
pieces fit together.

Korsh 5
On the contrary, the sexuality article uses more content-related moves such as
hedged bets and viable secondary sources. Arnold acknowledges that research has
shown that hookups can bear negative effects [...]. By using the word can, the
researcher is giving the argument room for improvement and acknowledging that the
research is not perfect. The article then addresses that Another assumption of the
hookup culture is the expectation of alcohol use in party contexts in which hooking up is
likely to occur and attributes this information to the Journal of Research on
Adolescence. In this sentence, the author uses two moves, one where he is Introducing

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:14 AM

Comment [24]: Great observation, and
for sure, agreed -- but I'm wondering: what
does this ultimately suggest? What
insights does this provide into how these
researchers approach understanding
hookup culture (or, more broadly, the
construction of knowledge?)?

Something Implied or Assumed, and another where he introduces that the information
was found in a different source (Graff, Birkenstein, Durst, 682). Similar moves are used
by the author of the developmental article. For example, the article states that young
people who lack the skills to resolve interpersonal conflicts or express discomfort might
either consent to unwanted physical intimacy or use technology to avoid uncomfortable
conversations. Using the word might creates a hedged bet by explaining an action that
is a possibility, but not necessarily going to happen. Another move that this source used
was to include paragraphs of text from a secondary source or researcher, and set that
text apart. Then, throughout the article, the author would refer back to the text and clarify
it. He writes, Cot argues that the lack of collective values and future-oriented social
markers results in a post-modern identity crisis. Here, he is Capturing Authorial Action
(Graff, et al. 683). All of these moves are vital in establishing credibility within the source,
which aids in how seriously this source is taken. If people take the sources seriously, it
affects how they are received and if they ultimately do their job to inform people or
change the way that people are behaving.
The different limitations of all three articles affect what they are able to
accomplish. The informal Odyssey article is able to have much more opinion in it than
the scholarly articles. This aspect can appeal to some people, however may affect how

Zack De Piero 5/15/2016 2:15 AM

Comment [25]: I'm noticing that this is a
recurring thread in your paper. Whenever
you can identify them, ask yourself if it's
worth giving it a "promotion" by including it
more explicitly into your thesis?

Korsh 6
seriously it is taken. Also, being a short article, it appeals more to young people because
they are likely to read it online and not formally analyze it or spend too much time on it. It
is also then easily shareable via social media platforms. Due to these contextual
limitations, this article will likely reach many readers in the young-adult realm who are
actually partaking in the culture, but will probably not be taken seriously by older adults
or researchers.
Oppositely, the sexuality article is effective for those who want a very in-depth
analysis of the issue at hand, and want to take the time to be informed. However, the
length and shear amount of information may deter people from reading the article. This
article will likely appeal to other social scientists in the field, especially if they are
conducting other studies or further investigating the topic. The developmental article is
effective by being very informative, and appealing to people who are not necessarily
scientists, but want to spend time informing themselves about hookup culture. Each type
of article is important in its own way because it reaches out to different groups of people.
If a topic was only written about by a certain field, the audience would only be those who
are in that field, and the information would therefore not reach everyone.
Both types of articles are essential to informing the public and inciting a desired
change. Without articles like the ones written by The Odyssey, young people would not
be as exposed to the opinions of other young people who are calling on them to make a
change. Additionally, without scholarly articles containing studies and background info,
there would be no real proof of a problem and no evidence that supports peoples
opinions. Both kinds of articles accomplish entirely different outcomes, however they
work together in order to reach a much larger platform of people to educate and
persuade.

Korsh 7

Works Cited

Arnold, Karen D. "College Student Development and the Hook Up Culture." Journal of
College and Character 11.4 (2010): n. pag. Web.

Aubrey, Jennifer Stevens, and Siobhan E. Smith. "Development and Validation of the
Endorsement of the Hookup Culture Index." Journal of Sex Research 50.5 (2013): 43548. Web.

Carroll, L. B. (2010). From Backpacks to Briefcases: Steps toward Rhetorical Analysis.

Writing Spaces : Readings on Writing, 1, 38-46.

Dirk, Kerry. Writing Spaces: Readings on Writing, Volume 1: Navigating Genes. Vol. 1.
N.p.: Parlor, 2010. Print.

Elbow, Peter. Embracing Contraries: Explorations in Learning and Teaching. New York:
Oxford U Press. 1986.

Graff, Gerald, Cathy Birkenstein, and Russel Durst. They Say / I Say: The Moves That
Matter in Academic Writing. New York: W.W. Norton, 2010. Print.

Guarino, Catherine A. "Odyssey." Odyssey. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 May 2016.

Korsh 8

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP2

Table of Textual Features and Qualities
Did Not

Met

Exceeded

Meet

Expectations

Expectations

Expectations
Thesis Statement

Use of Textual Evidence from Genres

X+

Use of Course Readings

Analysis
Organization/Structure
Attention to Genre/Conventions and

X+

X
X/X+

Rhetorical Factors
Attention to Moves

Exploration of Disciplinarity

X-

Sentence-level Clarity, Mechanics,

X/X+

Flow

Comments and Grade

Korsh 9

Korsh,
Nice work here. I hope my comments can guide you in a productive direction.

My overall piece of advice is: find a more cohesive argument and tie the pieces more tightly
together. Think long and hard about how all of this adds up and why it matters. Its gotta
all be relevant though: dont just lay down any/every sort of information you can -- pick
your points.

Id also like you to give your organization and paragraph-by-paragraph structure a bit more
thought. What are some ways, plural, that you could construct your paper/argument? Then,
once youve got options (plural again!), choose which one you think makes the most sense
for you AND for the reader.

Z
8.5/10