Wedding

Growing up in Communist Russia, my parents were not able to perform a Jewish

wedding. The rabbis had been killed, exiled, or disappeared long ago, and no one even
really knew what a Jewish wedding was. Yet my parents and especially my mothers
parents always told me I should be proud to be a Jew, and that we would outlive
the communist dictators who had outlawed everything Jewish and refused to even
let us leave! So when the Arabs were trying to destroy Israel in 1967, we were glued
to our illegal short-wave radio like many other Jews. And when Israel tiny Israel! miraculously defeated six Arab armies who were openly saying they would throw the
Jews in the Sea, we closed the shades, put on some Patriotic Russian music, and danced
and sang in celebration. It was then that I only a child decided that somehow I was
going to escape this Russian prison and live as a Jew in Israel.
Decades later, in 1990, it finally happened. We were allowed to leave. I came with
my parents. My mothers mother, the last remaining grandparent, decided not to leave
Russia although she encouraged us to do so. When I got married three years later,
we finally convinced her to join us for the wedding, and to stay. She was remarkably
unemotional on the flight and settling into our home. She seemed kind of detached, or
in shock. Then, at the wedding, something strange happened. She was standing under
the Chupah and kept looking up at it. And then when my husband stepped on the glass,
she started crying. Not just a few typical wedding tears. Uncontrollable sobbing. As she
explained later, deep in her consciousness she somehow remembered the chupah and
the glass. It had been over 80 years and she had only been a little girl, but she had once
been to a clandestine Jewish wedding before the local Rabbi was exiled to Siberia. At
my wedding, a flood of Jewish memories came back. We survived she kept saying.
We survived. N.P, Israel
Points to Ponder
~~ Are you familiar with and Jewish wedding customs? Which ones?
~~ How are Jewish weddings different from non-Jewish weddings?
~~ Why do we get married under a Chupah?
~~ Why do we step on a glass?
~~ What are the goals of the wedding ceremony?
~~ What is the role of guests at a wedding?

Outline

The Bride and Groom

Why a Ring?
Why a Chupah?
Why Break a Glass?
1

Jewish Lifecycle

Wedding

The Jewish wedding ceremony is full of many beautiful and fascinating customs. We will examine some of
them, and hope to understand what the wedding is supposed to accomplish.

THE BRIDE AND GROOM

If you have ever been to a Jewish wedding, you may have noticed the widespread custom of lifting the bride
and groom on chairs.
Why is this done? Is it just for fun?

The Midrash records this comparison, which may shed some light on the idea:
A groom is like a king.

Just as a king is praised by all so too a groom is

praised by all.
Just as a king wears honorable clothing so too a
groom wears honorable clothing.
Just as a king does not go to the marketplace
unaccompanied so too a groom does not go to
the marketplace unaccompanied.
Pirkei DRabbi Eliezer

What is the point of these customs?

How does this help explain our lifting the bride and groom on chairs?
Everyone knows that the bride and groom are not really a king and queen. Why do we treat them that way at
the beginning of their marriage?

Compare this idea to the following statement:

Rav Ashi said: The main reward for attending a
wedding is for the words
Talmud Berachos 6b

Gladdening the groom [and bride!] with words.

Rashi

According to this, what is a guests main job at a wedding?

Why is this important?

Jewish Lifecycle

wedding

WHY A RING?
What is the purpose of giving a ring? After you have thought about it for yourself, consider these
explanations:
The roots of this mitzvah are in that the Torah
commands a man and woman to do a concrete
act to show their union before the live together.

Another reason is so that they should always have

a reminder that they are committed to each other
so that they should stay faithful. With this their
life together will forever be in peace. For this
reason, the custom among Jews is to perform the
betrothal with a ring, so that it will always be on
her hand as a reminder.
Sefer HaChinuch

.
,

Since inanimate objects function neither as food

nor as clothing, there is another way for them
to become linked with people. This is the usage
of precious stones and metals as jewels and
adornments.

...
...

In the order of creation the level of the inanimate

is lower than that of plant and animal life.
Therefore, the prime example of the ability of
man to use all of the creation to his elevation is in
the beauty of jewelry.

, .
-
.

This is especially so when discussing the jewels

of a bride. The blessing we make for a bride
is creator of man therefore the bride adorns
herself with jewels. This is an expression of the
ability of humankind to use the entire creation
for his betterment, to elevate all of the elements
to their higher purpose.
Pachad Yitzchak Shabbat 7,3

.
...
, -
..
,

How do you understand these texts?

Jewish Lifecycle

Wedding

WHY A CHUPAH?
Why does the marriage ceremony take place under a Chupah?

In order to best understand this, let us look at the concept of a chuppah in another place:
Rabbah Bar Bar Chanah said in the name of Rabbi
Yochanan:

In the future G-d will make seven chuppahs for

each tzaddik [righteous person]G-d will make
each of them a chuppah according to their honor.
Bava Basra 75b

What is the idea of each tzaddik having his or her own chuppah?
The explanation is that each tzaddik will be
unique.
The tzaddik will not be as they are in world now;
indistinguishable from society; in the future there
will be a chuppah for each one, which is a sign of
importance and significance for each one

()

This is the idea of a chuppah, for the chuppah

designates as one that which is underneath it.
Maharal

How do you understand this idea?

How does it relate to standing under the chuppah? Are there any other explanations of this part of the
ceremony?

WHY BREAK A GLASS?

One of the most famous customs from Jewish weddings involves breaking a glass.
During the joy of the wedding something
must be done to remember the mourning over
Jerusalemthe custom in Germany at the time
of the blessings to put ashes on the head of the
groom.
Tur Even HaEzer 65:3
From this the custom has evolved to break a glass
after the seven blessings.
Perisha note 6

Jewish Lifecycle

...

wedding

Why should we remember the destruction specifically at a wedding?

What other Jewish wedding customs are you familiar with?
How do you understand them?

Jewish Lifecycle