SKILL CARDS

FranklinCovey.

LEA131355 Version 1.2.4

SITUATION 1

Your client schedules

an important meeting that
conflicts with a personal
commitment youve made.

Proactive Language
There might be a way to do both.
Let me explore all of my options.
I choose to reschedule my
personal commitment/
the client meeting.

Reactive Language:
Now I have to cancel my plans.
This client makes me so angry!
I always have to reschedule things
for them.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 2

Someone important
to you accuses you of
taking him or her for granted.
He or she tells you that
you dont say thank
you enough.

Proactive Language
Im sorry. I really do appreciate
everything you do.
Youre probably right. I will say
thank you more often.
Im sorry. How could I better
express my appreciation for
all you do?

Reactive Language:
Thats not true! I always say
thank you.
I cant help it. Its just not my style
to say thank you.
Its not my fault you need to hear
thank you so much.
FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 3

Your boss blames

you for a report your
co-workers are
responsible for.

Proactive Language
Im sorry. I think theres been a
miscommunication with my team.
Let me investigate and Ill get back
to you.
Let me get the team that wrote the
report together so that we can
address the problems.
If you have a minute to show me
the problems with the report, I will
communicate them to the team
that is responsible for it.

Reactive Language:
Its not my fault! Go talk to Jim.
I cant do anything about it. I didnt
write that report.
I always get blamed for everyone
elses mistakes.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 4

Your boss just added

three more deliverables
but wont increase
your resources.

Proactive Language
Lets look at all our options to meet
those deliverables.
What resources do I have that
I havent thought of?
Lets find ways to make this work
rather than all the reasons we cant.

Reactive Language:
Theres no way. I cant do it.
You always expect me to do more
with less!
Now I have to work even harder.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 5

Youre meeting a
friend for lunch and she or he
is 20 minutes late... again.
You are on a very tight
schedule and are becoming
increasingly annoyed.

Proactive Language
Ill order lunch for us and will take
mine with me so I can spend some
time with you.
(You call your friend and say) What
would you like for lunch? Ill order
yours so its here when you arrive.
Lets spend 10 minutes together
before I head back to work.

Reactive Language:
Youre always late, and now I have
to rush my lunch!
Now I dont have time to eat
because you are late.
I have to skip lunch now.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 6

You are working with

a co-worker on a project
due at the end of the day.
You quickly realize he or she
has not done the pre-work
necessary to complete
the project on time.

Proactive Language
Im concerned that this wont get
done by the end of the day. Lets
look at our options to get the
information we need.
Lets focus on how this happened
later. For now, lets see how we can
get this completed on time.

Reactive Language:
Were going to miss our deadline
and its all your fault.
You always do this! You are
so irresponsible.
Theres nothing we can do. Theres
no way we can make it.
FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 7

You are stuck in traffic

due to road construction.
Because of this, you are
going to be late for an
important meeting.

Proactive Language
Next time, I will check the traffic
report and leave earlier.
I can take this time to mentally
prepare for the meeting.
I can call ahead to see what other
arrangements we can make.

Reactive Language:
Everything bad always happens
to me!
Its not my fault. I didnt know about
the construction.
I am such a loser!

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 8

After rearranging
your meetings and taking
transit across town, you
arrive at the dentists office
to find they dont have
your appointment in their
schedule book.

Proactive Language
I am confident we can work this out.
Lets look at all our options. How
could the dentist fit me in?
Heres what I think we could do.

Reactive Language:
Its not my fault you cant keep your
appointments straight.
I have so much to do and I had
to rearrange my whole schedule
to get here.
You are really frustrating me!
FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 1

Proactive Language

Reactive Language:

FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 2

Proactive Language

Reactive Language:

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 1

My colleague repeatedly
takes credit for my work.
(Emotion: Irritation)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

Sounds like youre irritated.

WORDS

Y
 our co-worker is taking credit
for your work.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

W
 hat Im hearing is that your
co-worker takes credit for your
work and that upsets you.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 2

Im overwhelmed by
the amount of work my
boss is giving me.
(Emotion: Frustration)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

You sound frustrated.

WORDS

Y
 oure overwhelmed by the
amount of work your boss
gives you.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 ou feel frustrated about the
amount of work you have.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 3

My brother-in-law ruins
every family get-together.
(Emotion: Frustration)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

You seem frustrated.

WORDS

Y
 oure saying that your
brother-in-law ruins every
family get-together.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 ou feel frustrated about your
brother-in-laws behavior.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 4

I just lost my job.

(Emotion: Worry)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

You sound really worried.

WORDS

You lost your job.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 ou sound really concerned
about losing your job.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 5

Its a waste of time to

do these reports; nobody
even reads them!
(Emotion: Annoyed)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

You sound annoyed.

WORDS

Y
 oure creating reports
nobody reads.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 ou feel annoyed that you are
spending time on reports
nobody reads.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 6

I made a mistake and my

supervisor reprimanded me
in front of the whole team!
(Emotion: Embarrassment)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

S
 ounds like you
were embarrassed.

WORDS

Y
 our supervisor reprimanded
you in front of your team.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 oure embarrassed that your
supervisor reprimanded you in
front of your whole team.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 7

I think my colleague may

be stealing from the company.
(Emotion: Concern)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

You sound very concerned.

WORDS

Y
 ou think your colleague is
stealing from the company.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 oure concerned that your
colleague is stealing from
the company.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 8

I just got promoted

to team leader.
(Emotions: Hesitation and concern)

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

Y
 ou sound a little hesitant
and concerned.

WORDS

Y
 ou just got promoted to
team leader.

FEELINGS AND WORDS

Y
 ou have mixed feelings
about being promoted to
team leader.

FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 1

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

WORDS

FEELINGS AND WORDS

FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 2

Empathic Responses
(Reflect feelings and words.)

FEELINGS

WORDS

FEELINGS AND WORDS

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 1

I got some really tough

feedback on a presentation
I gave last week.
(Emotion: Defeated)

Empathic Response: You sound

defeated by the feedback you got on
your presentation.
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

W
 hen you say you got tough
feedback, what do you mean?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 2

We just decided to
make a big investment in this
project, and I think its
a bad decision.
(Emotion: Concern)

Empathic Response: You sound

concerned about the decision to
invest in this project.
Speaker: I am.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

W
 hen you say you think its
a bad decision, what do
you mean?

Can you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 3

Im having such a
hard time with my family.
(Emotion: Worry)

Empathic Response: Youre

concerned because youre having
a hard time with your family.
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

When

you say youre having a
hard time, what do you mean?

Can you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 4

None of the staff know

how to use the database. We
need to do more training!
(Emotion: Frustration)

Empathic Response: You sound

frustrated that none of the staff know
how to use the database.
Speaker: I am.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

When

you say none of the staff
know how to use the database,
what do you mean?

W
 hen you say we need to do
more training, what does that
look like?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 5

My daughter has
been skipping school. Im
so angry with her!
(Emotion: Anger)

Empathic Response: Youre

angry that your daughters been
skipping school.
Speaker: I am.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

When

you say shes been
skipping school, what do
you mean?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 6

I think were going to

lose money on this deal, but
Sales is running with it.
(Emotion: Concern)

Empathic Response: You seem worried

that Sales is running with this deal and
you think well lose money on it.
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

When

you say you think well
lose money on this deal, what do
you mean?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 7

The customers are

all mad at us, but no one
seems to care.
(Emotion: Defeat)

Empathic Response: No one

seems to care that the customers
are mad at us.
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

When

you say no one seems to
care, what does that mean?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

W
 hen you say the customers are
all mad at us, what do you mean?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 8

Im really concerned
that our Marketing team
is not connected to
our Sales force.
(Emotion: Worry)

Empathic Response: You sound

concerned that Marketing and Sales
arent connected.
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)

When

you say the Marketing
team isnt connected to the Sales
force, what does that mean?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 1

__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
(Emotion: ______________)

Empathic Response:
You feel
about .
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)





?
?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 2

__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
(Emotion: ______________)

Empathic Response:
You feel
about .
Speaker: Yeah.

Clarifying Questions
(Stay with the subject the speaker brought
into the conversation.)





?
?

C
 an you tell me more about that?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 1

You are working with

a client who consistently
has unclear and changing
expectations and then is
dissatisfied with your
work. Youve just worked
through the weekend
to create a presentation
for them, only to find they
had something else in mind.
Youre quite frustrated
and worried this reflects
poorly on you.
Client: Thats not what I thought youd
come up with at all. I was hoping for
something different.

Empathic Response:
Youre disappointed because you
expected something different.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
Im sorry you are disappointed.
Id like to take a minute to
review my understanding of
your expectations for this
project. Could we do that?

I feel confused, because I

thought I understood your
expectations for this project.
I have a different point of view
Id like to share. May I?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 2

Youve organized the

office party the past three years
and its a lot of work. Youre
extremely busy with year-end
reports and would prefer
not to do it again.

Boss: Ive put you in charge of the

office party again this year.

Empathic Response:
Youd like me to be in charge of the
party again this year.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
I feel concerned about being
assigned the party again with
the year-end reports due. Id
prefer not to be in charge again
this year.

T
 hank you for your confidence
in me. The party is a lot of work,
and based on my experience,
it will interfere with the timely
submission of the year-end
reports. I think it would be
best if you assigned it to
someone else.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 3

A conversation is
important to you, but
every time you begin to
state your point of view,
you are interrupted.

Team member, interrupting: Yes,

yes, I know. Heres what I think we
should do...

Empathic Response:
I can tell youre very excited about
your idea.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
Before we go there, could
I finish my thought?

I really appreciate your

enthusiasm. Would you be
willing to listen to my idea?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 4

Every time you try to

introduce new ideas about
how to structure work flow,
you encounter a lot of
resistance. This has been
going on for some time
now, and you are
reaching your limit!

Team members: But weve always

done it this way.

Empathic Response:
You are satisfied with the way we do
it now.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
Im disappointed with the
resistance I feel each time I
share this idea. I believe we
could significantly improve
these processes. Would you
be willing to hear me out
before responding?

I understand your point of view.

Id like to share mine too. Will
that work for you?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 5

One of the managers

in your company often
pushes for cost-cutting
measures, even when the
project plans are within
budget. Youve got all
the research to show that the
full-service option is both
within budget and what
the client wants, but you
feel like the manager
isnt listening to you.
Manager: I think the full-service
option isnt worth the cost. Lets go
with the standard version for this
client instead.

Empathic Response:
Youre concerned about cost.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
Im concerned we havent fully
discussed the justification for
the full-service option. Before
we make a decision, may I
share my point of view?

W
 ould you be willing to hear my
recommendation before coming
to a decision? The full-service
option pays for itself within a
year, and the client wants it.
I think it would be a mistake
not to use it.

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 6

One of your co-workers

tends to gossip and thinks
everyone agrees with him.
This promotes a negative
and reactive work
environment. Youve just
completed The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People and are
practicing being proactive.
Youd like to be a
Transition Person and
break the negative pattern.
Co-worker: Im so tired of how
everyone is treated differently here.
Its not fair! Did you hear about...?

Empathic Response:
You think how people are treated
here is unfair.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
I can see what you mean when
you say it feels unfair. I have a
different point of view Id like
to share.

I want to understand your point

of view, even if I dont share it.
Would you be willing to hear my
thoughts too?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 7

Your department has

been understaffed for nearly
a year, and your manager puts
you off whenever you petition
for a new hire. The stress is
affecting your physical health,
and youre afraid some of
your employees are on
the verge of quitting.
Manager: Lets wait until next quarter
to decide whether its time to bring
someone else on the team. Im just
too swamped right now to go through
a bunch of interviews.

Empathic Response:
Youre overwhelmed and would
like to wait another quarter before
addressing the understaffing issue.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
I understand that interviews
take a lot of time. Would you be
willing to hear me out before
you make this decision?

I appreciate your thoughts.

Could I share my concerns
about the impact the chronic
understaffing is having?

FranklinCovey.

SITUATION 8

Youve just completed

your performance review,
and youve done really well
for the second year in a row.
You want to ask for a raise,
but youre scared to
advocate for yourself.

Supervisor: Youve done a great job

this year. Thanks for all you do.

Empathic Response:
Youre really pleased with
my performance.
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:
Thank you for your confidence
in my performance. Based on
my positive performance review,
Id like to discuss increasing
my compensation.

Im honored that you are

pleased with my work here.
I would like to discuss my
compensation package.
Would you be willing to
listen to my proposal?

FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 1

__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________

________________:
.

Empathic Response:
You feel
about
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:


FranklinCovey.

YOUR SITUATION 2

__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________

________________:
.

Empathic Response:
You feel
about
State Your Point of View Using
I Messages:


FranklinCovey.

 FranklinCovey.