Haitians, behold my deliverance, says the Lord!

By Uncle Patrick

1. Nations of the world are you looking for the “God” particle in Switzerland? Well,
here I am in the Earthquake of Haiti and in the Oil Spill of the United States, says
the Lord, the Mighty One of Israel.
a. I AM the true God of the Haitians.
b. I AM the deliverer of the Haitians.
c. I AM the provider for the Haitians.
2. I AM also the defender of the children of Haiti.
3. In the 1915 invasion of Haiti, The US Military killed 50,000 “Kako” who were
descendants of Africans that refused to become slaves of France and took to the
hills of Haiti.
4. Now, the US Military is incapable of saving even 50,000 children of Haiti who
are dying of thirst and hunger while the food is rotting on the ground.
5. Worst yet, the poor Haitians have to pay for the food that was freely donated by
the world.
6. Please, remember the Patriot Act.
7. Please, remember Bagdad.
8. Please, remember Abner Louima.
9. So, I AM pissed!
10. Tea Party People of America, if you don’t like the way the government is running
things, go to Alaska, take all the weapons you can carry, put Sarah Palin as your
new President and John McCain as Vice President, and invoke the Patriot Act.
You are patriots, arent you?
11. Texans, you are the lone star. You used to be the Republic of Texas. You are
patriots, aren’t you? Remember the Alamo, but also remember Waco. Lock and
load. Behold, you are the Republic of Texas, again. Put my servant Erykah Badu
as your first President and my servant Chuck Norris (Walker, Texas Ranger and
whose name is really Carlos Norris) as Vice President. Texas Rangers, Cowboys,
Indians, defend the new Republic of Texas. Invoke the Patriot Act.
12. Puerto Rico, mi amigo, you said you wanted your independence. This July 4,
2010 is your independence day. I AM THE LORD and I DO AS I PLEASE! Have
faith.
13. Haiti, my beloved, pearl of the Antilles, I have heard your lamentations, and I
have answered your prayers. Your deliverance was already assured before you
knew it, even before you needed it. As I used Rams’ horns 7 times in Jericho, I
used a 7 on the rector scale in Haiti to get the world’s attention. There is a
stronghold over Haiti, but behold I shall deliver my people. This July 4, 2010 is
your new independence day. And the land I gave in inheritance to the former
slaves, your ancestors, my servants, shall be called The NuNation of Haiti. The
Nation of Islam and the NuNation of Haiti shall be friends in memory of Malcom-
X whose blood still cries out to me and my beloved Mohamed Ali, a true freedom
fighter.
14. Haitians, President Préval has been “dis” too many times. The United Nations
shoved Bill Clinton down Préval’s throat without consulting him. And Préval is
 supposed to be the legitimate leader of Haiti? So, the United Nations don’t respect
the President of Haiti just like the United States don’t respect President Obama.
15. Come, let us reason together. Isn’t it right that I show some respect to my servant
President Préval by giving him a two-year vacation anywhere in the world all
expenses paid? Who will pay for it? Bill Clinton, of course. Where is Bill
Clinton? He is in South Africa, living “la vida loca” while the children of Haiti
are dying. Let him pay for you, your family, and anybody else out of the funds
that he is holding for Haiti. You are the President of a sovereign nation, aren’t
you? You have the right to do whatever you want with the money, right? (Hint:
call it the Patriot Act.) So, I give you the whole 5.3 billion dollars appropriated by
the United Nations and that Bill Clinton is holding as a reward for your good
service in watching over my people during times of crisis created by the
Americans themselves. Have a happy 2010 summer because as of July 4, 2010:
You’re fired!
16. Haitians, Haitians, who know me by the name of “Gran Mèt La,” did I not just
teach the world a lesson?
17. Well, as of July 4, 2010, I, the Lord your God do declare my following servants as
the new leadership of the NuNation of Haiti:
a. Patrick Merisier, First Consul of the NuNation of Haiti. He shall play the
role of my servant Toussaint Louverture who was also a man of God.
b. Yves Dejean, President of the NuNation of Haiti. He shall teach my
people how to read and write the language I gave to their ancestors. My
people perish for lack of knowledge. He is a man of science.
c. Garry Pierre-Pierre, Secretary of State of the NuNation of Haiti. He will
take Dejean’s old job and give the news to my people every day, but also
with food to last them a day. Pierre-Pierre, feed my sheeps. “Il joue le role
d’Apotre Pierre.”
d. Renald Louis, Secretary of Communication of the NuNation of Haiti. He
is a faithful servant. He is the former Director of TNH and former
President of TCI. Mr. Secretary Louis, You Are…the Father…of a nation,
just like Uncle Patrick’s father was named Saint Louis.
e. Wyclef Jean, as Global Ambassador of the NuNation of Haiti. He is my
servant. He is true to his good name “Wyclef” who was also my servant.
18. England, you and the Church of England, shall help the Haitians by recognizing
their legitimacy.
19. So then, BP, you have made a mess of things, but I, who rule the heaveans and the
earth do forgive you. Father Aristide will now speak for you. He will work for
you for free. Let’s just say, he is now your slave. Just pay his expenses. He will
clean up the oil spill. He is “Lavalas,” isn’t he?
20. BP, take all the time you need. This is an industrial accident. Isaac Newton
invented the industrial revolution. So, descendants of my servant Isaac Newton
will fix this problem scientifically. He did create a new system of the world,
didn’t he?
21. France, you shall help the Haitians by recognizing their legitimacy. Remember,
you kidnapped Toussaint Louverture and you humiliated the Haitians. Well, I, the
 Lord your God forgive you. And I place this NuNation of Haiti under your
protection because I have faith in you and I know you are a new nation yourself.
22. July 4, 2010 is not just Independence Day, it’s Genesis Day. I have just created 4
nations, haven’t I? Happy Summer 2010. (Hey, Haitians, whose your daddy?
Who let the dogs out?)