1) School Teacher: What is common between 

Buddha, Jesus, Mahavir and Guru

Nanak Dav Ji?

Student: All of them were born on Indian centre govt  holidays!

2) A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.

Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??

Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

3) Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it.

Banta: Is this dog faithful ? Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so
faithful, everytime it returned back to me.

4) A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take

good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take
good

care of me... I must be a god!

5) Banta to Lawyer: What is your fees?

Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.

Banta: Isn't it too high?

Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?

6) Teacher: Have you ever seen an owl?

Student : (looking down) No Sir...

Teacher : Don't look down. Look at me.

7) Santa: Why are you heating the knife.

Banta: To do suicide.

Santa: But why are you heating it?

 Banta: To prevent infection.

8) Museum Watchman: That's a 500 year old statue you have broken.

Funny Sharma: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

9) Sardar Ji: Why have you increased speed of car?

Laloo: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.

10) A funny accountant visits a museum with a Sardar Ji.

Accountant: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.

Sardar: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?

Accountant: I was here 20 days ago. The guide told me that the painting was 500 years
old.

11) Laloo's Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married.

Funny Laloo: I never calculated, I am still paying for it.

12) Husband: Mein apni wife se divorce chahta hu. Voh mere se 6 mahine se boli nahi.

Lawyer: Dubara soch lo, aisi wife kismat valon ko hi naseeb hoti hai.

13) Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

Student: Gandhi was four years old

14) Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: HIJKLMNO.

Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said H to O.