My First Time:

An Oral Sex Primer

By Carol Cobillard
 First Edition, May 2008

Copyright © 2008 by Carol Cobillard

All rights reserved.

Illustrations are borrowed from WIKIPEDIA and other public-

domain sources including Gray's Anatomy.
They should be self-explanatory.

ii
 T ABLE OF C ONTENTS

Introduction...................................................................... 1
The Penis is a Girl’s Best Friend...................................... 7
Erections ........................................................................ 11
Exchanges of Bodily Fluids ............................................ 21
Seduction, Proposition.................................................... 25
Seduction of the Innocent............................................... 41
Seduction, More of .......................................................... 49
The Pace ......................................................................... 55
The Role of Breasts in Oral Sex ..................................... 61
Safe Sex and a Mother’s Care ........................................ 63
My First Penis to Play With........................................... 65
A Girl’s First Penis (other girls) ..................................... 71
Mutual Oral Sex............................................................. 77
… On a Dare................................................................... 79
The Whys and Wherefores ............................................. 83
The Aesthetics of Oral Sex ............................................. 87
More About Safe Sex ...................................................... 93
Girl on Top ..................................................................... 95
The Protocol of the Sexually Liberal Community .......... 99
Variation: the Protocol for Non-virgins ....................... 103
The Story of the Rest of Your Life................................ 107

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iv
 I NTRODUCTION

I come from the "down there" generation. That is,

those were the words-spoken rarely and in a hushed
voice-that the women in my family used to refer to
all female genitalia, internal or external.
— Ensler, The Vagina Monologues

E
ver since Monica Lewin-
sky and a series of stories,
most fictional like The
Rainbow Party, made oral sex
mainstream, there has been an
anticipation coupled with appre-
hension in relation to it among
pubescent boys and girls. I grew
up in the protective surround-
ings of a communal sect, heir to
traditions of 1960s-era sects and naturist groups and
communes and most especially of the sex-as-religion cult
the CHILDREN OF G OD that my Mom had fled when its
leader and self-styled “prophet” David Berg1 descended
into pedophilia and abuse.
“Mom’s Friend”, who had established a refuge for
abused mothers and children including refugees from
the CO G, held to the notion that sex at puberty is natu-
ral and good, but established certain feminist-oriented
and anti-abuse rules:2

1 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Berg.
2 Mom’s Friend does not believe in code words and acr o-
nyms; she used by habit only words to be found in the OED or

1
  That full control of an amorous engagement
belongs to the girl
 That the girl is entitled to pursue orgasm
and it is the boy’s duty to help her
 That under-18s should engage in activity of
a sexual nature only with partners of the
same age or within 10% of that age
 That oral sex is an essential part of foreplay
 That sexual relations are best and safest
when conducted in the presence of friends
and family
 That male circumcision has not only Biblical
mandate and cosmetic value but health and
tactile advantage
 That there must never, ever be any sort of
compulsion or coercion in sex.

All of these points have relevance beyond the

borders of Mom’s Friend’s property, the place where I
lived from ages 13-19, when I went away for the last two
years of college. What I have written in this extended
essay is relevant to boys and to girls as they look for-
ward to the event of their first oral sex encounter.
I argue that it is the individual and not society
who is the best judge of when she (or he) is ready to be-
gin her (or his) sex life and that laws which purport to
be in the interests of protecting children often do noth-
ing of the kind. Religion, most religions, like most of
politics engages in crass hypocrisy and scaremongering.

Merriam-Webster. Postmodern SMS text messengers may like

to have a list of abbreviations. Try this:
http://tinyurl.com/fagcs

2
In its own way the Christian Right mimics radical Islam
in its misogynism and its control-freakery. Children are
better taught to keep themselves safe by following the
guidelines above, and by banishing from their lives hy-
pocrisy, false modesty and other barriers to humanity
and the human condition, to sexual sharing and innate
urges.
Seduction is, of course, the key. Much of life, and
certainly much of sex, is peer-driven. Romance and pas-
sion, unlike “love” the keys to adolescent sexual urges
and enjoyment, should be given free rein. At the same
time by banishing the secrecy, the shame and the em-
barrassment that is so often artificially associated with
nudity and sex one is kept safe. Just as innocent, primi-
tive societies know no rule that says couples should dis-
robe and make love in private, neither should we. Tan-
dem sex has a multiplier effect leading to arousal and to
magnification of enjoyment: the vicarious compounds
the personal.
There is more: sex is an exchange not only of
pleasure but also of bodily fluids: of DNA carried down
from our first ancestors. These are holy fluids to be sa-
vored and honored, never wantonly disposed of. It is the
essence of oral sex, and the fluids, male and female, are
the Hosts of a Holy Communion. This is why, when I am
asked by girls of any age, but especially pre-teens and
young adolescents, what is the most important aspect,
the thing to look out for, in oral sex I answer that it is
the anticipation of ejaculation3. Girls should feel that
semen is lovely and they should welcome it and enjoy

3 For medical details, see: http://tinyurl.com/3zu8ab. For

practical details including an illustrative video, see the in-

comparable Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ejaculation.

3
and swallow it. The other point I like to make is that a
girl should love a penis for its own sake. This is some-
thing that is clearer to pubescent and young adolescent
girls than to older ones more concerned with finding a
life partner; but the lesson is relevant to every female.
She needs to master the art of flirting and sex and per-
fect her own capacity for orgasm before finalizing the
criteria she will use in selecting a mate.
It is argued by social engineers, selfish zealots
and guilt-ridden controllers for whom all pleasure, and
more specifically sexual pleasure, is “sin” that unmar-
ried minors must be denied free access to their own
bodies and the free exercise of their bodily functions.
What postmodern religious movements generally, and
the 1960s commune movement as well, tried to do was to
free young people from such historical baggage, to re-
solve their shyness and immunize them against guilt
and fear and hesitation. Religious movements such as
the CHILDREN OF G OD argued that sex is, itself, a relig-
ious experience. Encouraging early sexual experimenta-
tion—careful, protective permissiveness within the fore-
going parameters—was bound to yield confident, well-
adjusted adults who would recognize the importance of
sex to their own future psychological and physical health
and would be capable both of choosing a life partner
wisely and of raising a future generation in their own
mold.
The role of oral sex in this is clear: the penis and
vagina are not and must not be seen as repellant; on the
contrary they are holy instruments of passion and the
correct impulse ought to be to embrace the sex parts of
the opposite sex, to kiss and caress and excite them
orally, to stimulate them until the need for penis in va-
gina is irresistible. Indeed, the highest form of love-

4
making is the brining of the sex parts to the cusp of or-
gasm and only then joining penis and vagina. Ejacula-
tion is, indeed, an event that marks the arrival of the
Holy Spirit, and the exchange of bodily fluids is true
Holy Communion, the DNA of generations back to Jesus,
back to Adam. Any child who has reached the age of rea-
son should know this; and such a child should be aware
that, very soon, her or his sex organs will develop to the
stage where they can produce fun and joy. And homage
to Jesus.

5
6
will do her bidding—pleasure her clitoris—on her terms,
in the knowledge that only then will he and his penis
have claim to her mouth and her vagina. It is not that
the girl does not love the penis for its own sake but that
the maximization of the pleasure of both partners, and
the girl’s absolute right to pursue orgasm and the statis-
tical facts of female arousal dictate that her arousal
must have primacy. This is the feminist rule.
There is, and there should be, an urgency once
boy and girl recognize a commonality of interest, or de-
sire and of will. There need be no reticence, no lengthy
“mating dance”, no particular drama. Mutual arousal
followed by tactile sensation: caressing, fondling, kissing
of breasts, vagina, penis. 13- and 14-year-olds in par-
ticular seem to give short shrift to mouth-to-mouth
kissing and embrace; there is a rush to embrace the sex
parts. A boy might sit with the girl on his lap, or seated
between his legs, and he might fondle her breasts and
vagina/clitoris until she has reached a state of excite-
ment and asks him to move in front of her. She would
then begin to make love to his penis and to choose
whether to bring him to orgasm and ejaculation in her
mouth, or to stop and have him kneel in front of her to
kiss and lick her vaginal area and bring her to the cusp
of orgasm before inserting his penis and ejaculating in
her vagina. Recognizing, in our faith, the essential role
of semen as Host, she might take his penis into her
mouth at that point.
Or, if she had elected to bring him to orgasm
orally he would almost certainly have still, or again, suf-
ficient erection to slide his penis into her vagina and
reinforce her climax. The right of option belongs to the
girl and the presence of her friends nearby assures that
her boy will not override that.

8
 Needless to say, confidence comes with experi-
ence. The point of encouraging a girl to watch her peers
and her elders at sex is so that even at her first inter-
course she will know unhesitatingly how to perform. A
penis should never be intimidating; it should be a girl’s
best friend. The circumcised penis especially is open to
her examination and its most sensitive parts respond
instantly to her fingers, her lips and her tongue. The
satisfaction for a girl of removing a boy’s underpants,
playing with his penis to make it stiff and bringing it to
ultimate excitement and ejaculation in front of friends,
and perhaps family, cannot be overstated. They too
should see her in ecstasy, in a state of grace, witnessing
to the evangelical principle of sharing and of romantic
endeavor.
It is an incredible disaster that religious, educa-
tional and social engineers would deprive unmarried
girls from the sight of any penis (except, perhaps, those
of babies)5, from any knowledge of sex education (except
abstention), and from any knowledge of how, even “in
due course” de se faire jouir (i.e., to translate from the
French, “to have an orgasm”). It is all quite bizarre: girls

5 I have never known my father. But to me the concept

of a girl who does know and live under the same roof with her
father, yet has never seen his penis, is unfathomable. The pe-
nis as source of life and source and vector of pleasure makes it
essential that it should be seen and admired by all its prog-
eny, at the very least. Going further, there is no reason why a
father should be hesitant to let his daughter see his penis in a
state of erection, nor to see her mother fondling it and making
it ejaculate: this is, after all, he end of romance and passion
and the origin of love and of live. But I accept that this later
liberty will not soon be a part of mainstream existence.

9
who grow up among primitive tribes know more and do
better for themselves.6
It is for this reason that girls should be allowed,
indeed encouraged, to see and discuss matters of sex:
with their friends and peers, with their parents and
brothers, and with their future sex partners. It is true
that girls need to be warned and prepared for predator
outsiders, but within their own community they must
find security. It is ignorance and apprehension that lead
to the occasional outrage, like the awful abuse by Josef
Fritz of his daughter, his wife, and his incestuous off-
spring.

6 Except, of course, in those Islamic and African soci e-

ties where the wicked and pagan act of female genital mutila-
tion is performed.

10
 E RECTIONS

F
ew pubescent or ado-
lescent boys will fail
to respond quickly
and positively to the pros-
pect of oral sex. Gay teens
coerced by peers into at-
tempting heterosexual sex
are a special, unfortunate
case with unpredictable but
usually sad results. Among “normal” boys, some will be
fear not being able to get an erection7 on cue, and that
fear can create its own reality, usually overcome with
diligence and care by the girl, and physical stimulation
by her of his penis. In recent years boys have occasion-
ally taken Viagra and similar drugs in anticipation but I
think that’s going too far and it’s virtually never neces-
sary. The minuet we used to “initiate” boys and girls into
oral sex (and indeed vaginal sex) at their “coming out”
was sensuous enough to arouse most of them without
heroics.
Quite aside from the occasional “defloration
party” sponsored by the mothers of a boy and girl deeply
involved in the post-David Berg sex-as-religion move-
ment (where the mother of the boy generally brought
him into the room to meet an already-naked girl and
saw to the taking down of his underpants at the thresh-
old) we brought the boy and girl together clad in their
underwear. He would take off her bra if she wore one

7 Image borrowed from: http://tinyurl.com/3g52ac.

11
and then her panties and she would lower his under-
pants. It is particularly important that the girl’s breasts
are in view, that the boy and those watching can see
them. In the nicest scene, the boy’s penis would start to
rise as soon as exposed to air and to the girl’s sight. Or it
might be semi-erect already and get caught in the folds
of his underpants. Or the girl might have to stimulate it.
But this is the most fantastic, the most romantic scene:
a girl shyly, curiously staring with anticipation at the
now-unclothed penis rising before her brightly against
the darkness of a bed of pubic hair and the roundness of
the boy’s scrotum. If this is the boy’s first sexual experi-
ence, he and those watching must appreciate the sym-
bolic vesting of God’s grace in penis and boy; his coming
of age, the rite of passage, the promise of exquisite,
shared joy. The boy who has been properly reared will be
prepared for this event, and will be proud to show off his
penis rising. He will be unlikely to experience any im-
pediment to erection, any embarrassment and certainly
not any shame.
Concomitantly, a girl should show grace and con-
fidence in undressing and being undressed, in displaying
not only her breasts or breastlets but the inner folds and
recesses of her vagina. Indeed, as she approaches climax
she should be aware of her surroundings and glory in
the public nature of her pleasure and the vicarious ap-
preciation of friends and family. She is, too, glorified by
penis in mouth—by oral sex as foreplay—and, most of
all by her reception of semen in direct Communion with
the Holy Spirit. Friends of the girl would hold her bent
legs up and apart, so boy, girl and witnesses could watch
the boy’s penis push its way in, eased by mucus and sa-
liva, piercing her hymen and beginning its hypnotic, in-
and-out trajectory until finally ejaculating. Typically the

12
girl would be invited to take the penis back in her
mouth: the mingled blood and mucus and semen was a
sacramental Host; and the boy would kiss her vagina
too, before escorting her off, nude and proud, to a party.8
I do not know if such parties exist any more, but
they are, or were, a symbol of the intersection of pu-
berty, defloration, orgasm-ejaculation and religion,
There is, too, a mystical relationship between a mother
and her son’s penis—a relationship never acknowledged
in polite society, even among naturists, but nonetheless
recognized ever since Oedipus. For that subculture in
which a mother is free to see her son’s penis grow in-
crementally and, in due course, her son sexualized and
the penis erect before a girl, the relationship becomes
intense and the release is through the sight of
his—her—DNA ejaculating. The presentation of penis to
girl and her reception of it in her mouth symbolizes the
transference of boy and spirit to the next generation; the
ejaculation is Communion, and it represents the divine
order and, as well, divine ratification of that genera-
tional transfer. Society as a whole is horrified by the fac-
tual and biological basis of sex and it has created moral
and emotional blockages that have, over centuries and
as a tradition inculcated neuroses and emotional stilting
at odds with nature and humanity. These are reflected
in inhibition, hesitation and constructed guilt. One of
the reflects of the Relationship is the matter of penile
circumcision—nearly always a female-driven act. Aside

8 That the girl’s participation was entirely consensual

was assured by the fact that she would have been taking birth
control pills for at least a month in advance. She would, of
course, have had a hand in selecting the boy who would be her
partner.

13
from religious (still, a reflection of ancient female insti-
gation) and public-health factors, circumcision reflects
the female notion of beauty, the feminist ideal, and the
urgency of access to the glans for the girl in whom spiri-
tual-sexual excitement is rising.
Some find it unnerving and inappropriate for a
mother—or other female relative, including a sister—to
orchestrate the first sexual experience of a boy. But
really this goes on all the time, only more discreetly and
subtly. While nudist circles pretend to enjoy the naturist
life without any sexual connotation, the truth is that
this is false: it’s just that the sexual undercurrent is un-
acknowledged. I see nothing wrong with a mother or sis-
ter taking pride in her son’s or brother’s penis and ar-
ranging an appropriate introduction; and the same goes
for a daughter’s or a sister’s first liaisons. Indeed, with
respect to a young girl, the protective influence of an
older relative can guarantee both her safety and her
pleasure. And family and peer involvement are part and
parcel of the “sexual effectiveness” project to banish
false modesty, false pride, embarrassment, selfish lust
and arrogance.
The fact is that inhibitions aside—and our whole
ethic was to abolish sexual inhibitions—girls love to play
with boys’ penises and bystanders love to see a boy be-
come aroused: this is the main interest of those girls
who see anything to be amused about in pornography.
As a practical matter, oral sex does not require a really
stiff penis and it’s one of the advantages of an oral sex
event (or, for that matter, party) that it is workable even
if the boy’s penis is somewhat limp: his orgasm will not
be perfect but he will ejaculate. And his “success” will
almost always lead to full confidence and full erection in

14
the future: which brings us back to our first point that
the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Most often, with a girl who is aware of the me-
chanics of erections and of boy-psychology, the penis can
be made fully erect or nearly so by the mere process of
oral sex. Nuzzling the end of the penis, especially a cir-
cumcised one, with her lips, kissing it and running her
tongue around the head; and flicking the sensitive un-
derside of the last inch or so of the penis with her
tongue: these will excite it. If a penis starts to wilt dur-
ing the process of sex—perhaps because the boy’s mind
has wandered or because he has become fretful or his
attention has been drawn to bystanders and kibitz-
ers—then a brief removal of the penis from her mouth
and a light re-stimulation with her tongue will give it a
chance to fill up with blood again. This is important in
the moments before ejaculation because the ejaculation
itself will feel most grand if the penis is really stiff.
There’s another issue to consider. When I was be-
tween the ages of 12 and 14 it became a hobby of mine to
seduce pubescent boys. I got to know that many such
boys are insecure about penile size. That, of course, is a
subject of sensitivity for older boys and adult men too,
played upon by spammers purporting to sell quack en-
largement pills, serums, patches and devices.9 For
Mom’s Friend as for ancient Muslim theorists and Sha-
ria Law, puberty starts with the first pubic hair and not
with sexual maturity, menarche and spermarche. I can
vouch for the fact that a boy with just a few pubic hairs
is quite capable of a fine erection and a nice orgasm and
may ejaculate a little or more than a little. Oral sex is
quite satisfactory for girls with a bit of pubic hair too,

9 http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/penis/MC00026.

15
even for girls who would be uncomfortable or hesitant to
try invasive, penetrative sex. But given that sex, oral or
otherwise, should be reserved for same-age partners
there is not usually any cause for concern, dysfunction
or dissatisfaction. And as far as what makes a penis
“gorgeous” is concerned, it is not so much size (and any-
way 85% of penises are within a narrow range of that) as
proportionality and functionality.
Indeed, the bigger problem with oral sex is the
bigger penis. Here’s a rant, published on Craigslist, from
a guy upset about problems relating to his “giant dick”.10
And I can testify from experience that such oversized
penises simply will not fit easily or comfortably in a
girl’s mouth and they are much overrated. There’s an-
other problem too: average (which includes 85% of male
population and lesser penises may for purely practical
reasons have fewer occasions of impotence. In other
words: for those who have an inclination, however
fleeting, to believe those lying spam emails, be careful
what you wish for.
People have, anyway, different tastes and aside
from the fact that personality means, or ought to mean,
more than physical appearance I can remember sur-
prising results at some of those “blind date” parties I at-
tended at college where a half-dozen boys and a half-
dozen girls would come to a party and pair off, eventu-
ally to have sex. To some degree people choose partners
who look like themselves, or like a parent. I’m not sure
this applies to a speed-dating sort of affair, and with the
blind-date parties there was the problem that if you
didn’t pair off quickly you got stuck with what was left
over. Which might or might not be a bad thing; I can’t

10 http://snurl.com/craigsbig.

16
recall any boy who would attend such a party who was
sexually dysfunctional or sexually unattractive. Indeed,
most were quite solicitous of a girl’s needs, which is how
they got on the invitation list in the first place. Like the
boy in the short film11 who, after himself having his p e-
nis ministered to, caresses his girl, removes her panties
and lifts her vagina to his lips for a lengthy session of
oral lovemaking.
Girls, or nearly all of them, love to see erections
except where the erection is threatening, coercive or in-
appropriate. An erection is distinctly inappropriate in a
normal naturist environment; but Mom’s Friend, fol-
lowing her COG experience, thought that the sight of an
erection on a young or not-so-young boy was cute. She
encouraged boys and girls to be nude, and provided
places in her property, notably the pool area and the
basement, where nudity and even sex were common. Not
every boy there or anywhere will be able to coax an erec-
tion on demand, especially a virgin boy. This may be one
reason why oral stimulation of the penis was so impor-
tant to Mom’s Friend. Or it might have been a gender
equality matter: since Mom’s Friend regarded cunnilin-
gus as such an important guarantor of a girl achieving
climax she could scarcely deprive boys of the stimulation
and orgasmic enhancement offered by fellatio. And in
my experience, tickling a penis with my tongue, espe-
cially its underside, stimulates it to erection in a most
delightful way.
Invariably such an effort attracts the attention of
any bystanders: girls love to see a penis going from flac-
cid to stiff at the behest of one of their friends. There is
also a degree of asymmetry here: girls’ arousal may be

11 http://tinyurl.com/ysympa.

17
shown by the state of their nipples and the state of their
facial countenance, but it is far more subtle than that of
boys.
It follow that an important issue for every girl to
consider, especially when there are others watching, is
what action to take with respect to the recalcitrant pe-
nis: what to do to if the boy has trouble getting an erec-
tion. In most cases, if a boy has been brought to ejacula-
tion in a girl’s mouth once he will have no trouble get-
ting an erection when aroused at any future time. This
may not be true, however, if he is engaging in public sex
for the first time: the mere fact of people watching may
impede an erection. Also, he may easily get an erection
for oral sex but not for vaginal sex. A girl needs to take
account of this and respond appropriately.
The first point is encouragement, but more im-
portant than that is constant physical stimulation. The
girl’s tongue should tickle the underside of the penis, it
should encircle the head of the penis, and her lips should
provide light, but constant, rubbing to the tip. And every
so often the girl should take the penis out of her mouth
and examine it, giving an opportunity for blood to flow
into it and make it stiffer. Ultimately the penis need not
be completely firm for oral sex to succeed although he
orgasm will be better and the semen flow greater if it is.
On the other hand, this problem is likely to go away, or
at least be diminished, for subsequent rounds of oral
sex, and also after the boy has succeeded in giving his
girl an orgasm orally and perhaps finished that with pe-
nis in vagina, his confidence should be enough to carry
him through in the future. If his penis is young and not
too big, and if he has sufficiently moistened the vagina
(as he will have if he’s brought her to climax orally) then
his penis should slide into her easily enough even if his

18
erection is incomplete. In fact, pubescent boys can actu-
ally build up their erections from scratch with the penis
in the vagina. This is something that those “naughty
nannies” who seduce their under-age charges have al-
ways known. (Actually the case I am aware of involved a
boy with early puberty where the nanny didn’t expect to
find a mature penis and was delightfully surprised when
undressing the boy for his bath.12 At that point, like
Mary Kay Letourneau13 with the penis of her 12-year-old
pupil, she found the opportunity for sex irresistible,
started playing with the penis, undressed herself, mois-
tened her vagina, and got the boy to slide his penis in-
side her. I heard this story from the boy concerned
when, as I often did, I talked with him during our own
lovemaking about his “first time”.)
The ready availability of sexual opportunity and
the speedy denunciation of violations of established
norms—of which the most pertinent in this connection
are the “same age” rule and the requirement that boy
and girl must be “properly introduced”—mean that in a
well-managed sexually-liberal community there should
be little abusive behavior: any who transgress commu-
nity norms will be excluded. An inappropriate erection
will be ignored even if (unlike in ordinary naturist com-
munity) the boy or man with such an erection does not
immediately conceal it. In short: an erection must be
viewed in the light of the facial expression of its owner: a
sheepish smile on the part of an eager boy is to be ad-
dressed quite differently from a lustful grin on the part
of an older man.

12 For a classic case of precocious puberty, see:

http://tinyurl.com/52p5lm.
13 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau.

19
 In our community the greatest distinction was
that of social condition in the sense that while premari-
tal sex was greatly encouraged, adultery was forbidden.
In most cases, therefore, an incidental erection on the
part of a married man could be safely disregarded as it
could represent no threat. One was left to consider Di-
vine Brown’s (Estelle Marie Thompson) was quoted as
saying, with regard to Hugh Grant’s penis, “I’ve seen
bigger and I’ve seen smaller. His was cute.” That, in my
experience, could be said of most penises, tumescent or
flaccid.

20
 E XCHANGES OF B ODILY F L U I D S

Cervical mucus really is a wonderful thing. It tells us

when we are fertile or not, it helps transport sperm
or not, and it is an indicator of general vaginal
health.14

Now I just swallow the semen and find it much more

convenient and enjoyable.15

I
t can be assumed that semen will be swallowed,
never spit. This responds not only to Biblical com-
mand and the theory of semen as Host, but good
taste and common sense. Much has been written on this
subject on university Web sites, and I commend readers
to such commentary. (Using GOOGLE, include the search
limiter “site:.edu” and you will eliminate most pornogra-
phy and commercial rubbish.16)
The issue goes further, however, in the old sex
clubs, especially the “oral sex clubs”, it was customary
for a virgin boy and a virgin girl to be initiated into the
group by publicly exchanging oral sex at a time of the
girl’s period, and for the boy and girl to be seen as en-
joying the taste and retention of each other’s bodily
fluid. There was an unstated assumption that there was
something bizarre, inappropriate or taboo about this;

14 http://tinyurl.com/4j62ls.
15 http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1927.html.
16 Samples: http://tinyurl.com/22ylxl (cunnilingus, PDF);
http://tinyurl.com/3dtsbr (fellatio); http://tinyurl.com/48jkm7
(arousal, PDF).

21
except that at the same time, boys and girls find it sen-
suous, complimentary and endearing to have their part-
ner want to consume and digest and make part of their
body such discharges and leaks.
Under Mom’s Friend’s ethic (or ethos) it was not
a challenge or a trial but a matter of accepted belief that
semen should perhaps be seen—perhaps a drip or a
slight trickle if friends were observing (after all, who
was it who said that, like justice, ejaculation should be
done and seen to be done?)—but that it should be sa-
vored, enjoyed, swallowed.
With mutual oral sex, the soixante-neuf of
French lore17, said by many, myself included, to be the
most exalted form of sexual congress, the issue can
scarcely arise. I write more about this later on. Particu-
larly with girl on bottom alternately sucking penis in
and pushing it out of her mouth, the semen will be
ejaculated in such a way that she will have to swallow it
and the challenge for her is that it should not go down
the wrong way, and that she anticipates it enough so
that she can direct it with her tongue. Meanwhile her
partner will be pressing his tongue inside her vagina
collecting mucus and blood, as well as stimulating the
clitoris to bring on climax. The two manipulations will
generate more mucus for the boy to enjoy. When at our

17 One scarcely needs a link to educational Web sites for

this; many university self-help clubs for sex advice have les-
son pages. Here’s one informative, illustrated site:
http://tinyurl.com/54au8n. No commercial site, however, is
likely to show the kind of eager-to-please, vicarious-delight-in-
your-orgasm facial sunlight that I have seen in adolescents for
whom the memory of their first orgasm still tingles, and for
whom a shared orgasm affirms the presence of the Holy
Spirit.

22
nude dance parties a couple would have sex this way we
would always see them proud and happy afterwards:
there is a unique satisfaction in having an appreciate
audience during flirting, arousal, excitement and
through to orgasm and, given that mutual orgasm is the
finest sort, mutual oral sex comes as close as any human
endeavor to the sensuous ideal.
In the wake of the two sexual revolutions—that
of the 1960s launched by the general anti-Establishment
and anti-Taboo student revolts and carried by the devel-
opment of home video recording and playback, and the
second revolution of the 1990s set off by the Inter-
net—the restraint on wanting, savoring and consuming
menstrual and penile discharges has dissipated. Indeed,
it has become an essential component at both the profes-
sional and amateur level of sexual photography.
Whereas the provincial Tennessee jury in the "Harry
Reems" prosecution18 had described and shown to it by
the prosecution details of the ejaculation into Linda
Lovelace's mouth and the dripping of semen from her
teeth, and such an outré performance likely influenced
them to convict, today the knowledge that a U.S. presi-
dent did the same in his White House office would ren-
der such a description banal. The practice need not be
defended here. One can accept or reject the sacramental
character we attribute to ejaculation and semen and to
orgasm generally, but the natural desire to fondle and
embrace the sex parts of the opposite sex remains insa-
tiable. Only exterior forces—social condemnation, peer
opinion—can counter this natural force. Religious Truth

18 United States v. Battista, 646 F.2d 237 (6 th Cir,. 1981)

http://tinyurl.com/3swrly; United States v. Peraino, 645 F.2d

548 (6th Cir. 1981) http://tinyurl.com/48cavf.

23
is in the eye of the beholder, so that for the believer it is
an absolute truth and for the skeptic it is an absolute
myth: herein lies the source of much of sexual dysfunc-
tion and the reason why early sex education and demon-
stration is essential, bearing in mind there is the risk
that the authorities may deem the imparting of sexual
knowledge by demonstration to minors a form of child
abuse.19

19 http://snipurl.com/kennethlhall. Just exposure to

nude art may be deemed "offensive": http://tinyurl.com/qvvj4;
http://tinyurl.com/4hzyrd.

24
 S EDUCTION , PROPOSITION

In some societies the seduction of virgins is regarded

as a bad thing, and yet it is accepted as normal and
proper for young men to try to seduce virgins. In such
a society, if a girl is seduced, she is blamed and not
the young man; it was her business, it is said, to pre-
serve her virginity.
— Mackie, Persons and Values (1985), p. 40

H
ow much more
valid is the regime
we have today, in
civilized parts of the
world, where women enjoy
gender equality and are
entitled to see sex as a
source of personal fun and pleasure. Seduction—by a
member of either sex of a member of the other—is the
most important, and the most elaborate and variable,
element of the sexual minuet that will hopefully lead to
oral sex, followed then or later, even months or years
later, by fabulous vaginal sex.
Drawing first from my own life and my own expe-
rience of early sex, I would like to think that most girls
are just as eager for sex as most boys and that indeed
many or most are just as captivated by the notion of oral
sex. When I was a little girl I always knew that when I
reached puberty, when I grew breasts and had pubic
hair, I would somehow be eager to take boys’ penises

25
into my mouth and into my vagina.20 Mom had, as long
as I can remember, a poster of Louis Abolafia on her
bedroom wall. Who is he, you may ask. Well, he was the
candidate for President of the Nude Party and ran
against Richard Nixon. He wasn’t yet 35 years old and
couldn’t have won in any case, but he did make a point.
And Mom always admired his penis.21
A later accomplishment of Abolafia’s was to co-
found the annual Erotic Exotic Ball in San Francisco, an
event which still exists although Louis is long dead,
sadly of a drug overdose. Anyway, it always seemed ob-
vious that Louis’s penis belonged in girls’ mouths the
way Mom took her boyfriends’ penises in hers. What
Mom and her circle of friends wanted to teach their
daughters was that “the penis is your friend” and fun to

20 It is very important that boys and girls learn early on,

through sex education, the Internet and from seeing older
peers at sex, exactly how oral sex is done. It is wrong for any
boy to impose his penis on a girl without her being familiar
with the protocol. This only leads to male-dominated sex and
deprives her of the expression of her right to equal status and
equality in the pursuit of pleasure. A girl must know, the first
time she is faced with the challenge of accepting or rejecting,
or of reaching out to fondle, a penis exactly what will follow.
And a boy must know that the vagina holds no secrets, that it
is a treasure of girldom and a source of mutual joy. Openness
and the banishment of modesty and embarrassment over pu-
berty and the development of sexual capacity is another im-
portant contribution to overall sexual health subsequently,
and to the freedom to enjoy one’s body and one’s sexual at-
tributes.
21 See the photo of Abolafia, showing off his penis and
his topless companion, published in The Spectator in 2000:
http://snurl.com/louisabolafia.

26
nuzzle up to with your mouth. But only if the boy is of
“good breeding” and the “right sort”; that a girl had to be
aware of the risk of abuse, coercion, selfishness and ar-
rogance. Boys have to be made aware that girls are un-
impressed by the sight (or the presence, proximity) of a
penis as such: it is the personality and the character be-
hind it, the romance and the passion, that impress. I can
recall an infinite number of times when a boy, expecting
to impress, has exhibited himself only to be met by gig-
gles and jeers: it wasn’t so much the physical appear-
ance of his penis that led to derision but the boy’s pre-
sumption and lack of social grace.
In our communal homes and even during that
one year I lived with Mom on a houseboat, liberal sexu-
ality permeated the atmosphere. Nudity was common,
sex was public, if limited to a closed circuit of like-
minded families with a particular religious orientation.
Unlike conventional naturists, members of our group,
and allied communities, welcomed signs and displays of
affection, arousal, sexuality and sex. Seduction could be-
gin with an erection and a comment. That said, it should
not be assumed that we as adolescents inevitably en-
gaged in sex randomly just because we could. We might,
or we might not: the right to refuse for any reason or
none at all was precious to us.
In conventional, mainstream life that’s unlikely.
But as with us and with half of teen sexual activity,
mainstream or not, our sexual lives were peer-driven.
They were reinforced by parental observation and ap-
proval, but that was mainly to keep us safe. Seduction is
always easier when it is welcomed, when the potential
or putative partners come from the same social universe
and seek the same result from the exchange of data. In
the simplest case, common enough among young teens

27
in certain circles, the friends of a virgin girl will present
a boy to her and all will know that the girl is expected to
take down the boy’s pants and play with his penis. Teens
from, say, age 12 to 14 tend to go quite directly to the
matter of touching each other’s sex parts and not to
dwell much with kisses and caresses elsewhere. As they
get older, whether scantily clad or even naked, they will
send facial signals and after a few words start to kiss
and embrace; for the boy to reach for the girl’s vagina
and the girl for the boy’s penis takes time. In either case,
the outcome should be obvious from the start: this is not
a matter of brash propositions by crude men to strange
women, bound to fail 95% of the time.
In the year I lived with Mom on a houseboat,
when I was 12 and 13, I seduced more than a dozen pu-
bescent virgin boys. Many girls—like many boys—enjoy
the sport of seducing the naive. Since I almost never
wore a bra, it was easy enough to hypnotize a boy and,
when I saw him peeking, draw him onto the boat and, in
due course and in a process that involved constant chat-
ter that prevented the boy from exercising independent
thought, eventually expose his penis by way of turn-
about and fair play. With his pants down I would “own”
him, and I would play with his penis and bring him to
ejaculation and, if I felt like it, challenge him to kiss and
lick my vagina and clitoris.
While such sport is easier for girls—in the sense
that the success rate is bound to be over 90%—a more
subtle but similar game works for boys as well: one sim-
ply has to spot the eager, the willing and the vulnerable
girl. The technique of “constant chatter” is well known to
confidence tricksters and professional seducers: only
that way can the instigator remain in charge. And once
penis is in mouth the end result must be ejaculation and

28
the only question is whether there will be one orgasm or
two.
But let’s talk about seduction by and of adoles-
cents who have not enjoyed a sexually open childhood.
Many of these teens will have access to nude dance par-
ties and topless swim parties as I did; and certainly the
first of those two types of events led to sex on the part of
virtually couple there: within an hour, every couple
would be dancing up close and every girl would have an
erect penis pressing against her and, from time to time,
she would be “adjusting” it. Eventually she would likely
be adjusting it into her mouth, and if she and her part-
ner did not prance off to a private corner it would be be-
cause they were cavorting and displaying themselves in
sex next to the dance floor. Or on it: often the partners
would take turns kneeling before one another, pridefully
performing oral sex to the music, smiling in anticipation
of orgasm given and received. This is an interesting con-
cept: oral sex as ballet. Swim parties are, overall, less
likely to lead to universal sex. At M OM ’S F RIEND’S
H OUSE , however, sex could be its own justification and
toplessness invariably led to bottomlessness and more:
we were, after all, a closed circle of likeminded, sexually
active members of linked communes and families. We
had been raised in awareness of sex and the likelihood
that we would become sexually active at puberty.
In the absence of a nude social event like those,
peer pressure on a target boy or girl can be contrived:
typically two couples would party together and the expe-
rienced couple would lead the virgin or naive couple to
disrobe and, step by step, to get to the point of no return.
It is just not that difficult to get an adolescent to take
her clothes off, if the environment and the conversation
are right. Arousal is contagious; and if treated properly

29
before and after, the loss of virginity need never bring
regret and is anyway irreversible. For us, defloration
meant freedom.
How the use of one’s peers in a concerted effort to
bring a pubescent girl or boy into the fold would work
depended on the age of the target. Only rarely when I
was in middle school and high school did I reveal to girls
outside our closed community the facts of our sexual lib-
eralism; our secrecy was our protection. But once in a
while I could tell that a girl was ripe for sexual awak-
ening. I would not even start such an attempt without
thought and planning, and usually at the behest of a boy
who admired the girl, or more exactly lusted after her
body. The scheme worked best for a lonely girl, of course.
The target would typically be aged 13 to 15.
Together with an accomplice, perhaps the girl I
have called in my autobiographical essays “Terrific
Girl”, who was a couple of years younger than I and bore
the image of total innocence, I would befriend the target
girl and spend all possible moments with her. Gradually,
over a few weeks, she could and would have instilled in
her the notion that she totally needed physical touching.
Only then would she be brought together with the boy in
question. Terrific Girl and I, and partners we would
have for the event, would act as “shills”. The target girl
would be made comfortable, relaxed and totally commit-
ted to following instructions. She would remain still, vir-
tually hypnotized while the boy took off most of her
clothes. She and the boy—and the rest of us—would now
be in their underwear; after some delay and much chat-
ter I would prompt her to take down her boy’s under-
pants. (The point here is to counter a lifetime of eroto-
phobia inculcated into the girl, a fear of sexual desire, an
assumption that only boys may legitimately have unre-

30
strained libido. How different is this, anyway, from
Sharon Lamb’s book “The Secret Lives of Girls: What
Good Girls Really Do—Sex Play, Aggression, and Their
Guilt”?)
Before the girl knew what was happening her
panties would be off, her legs would be far apart and her
boy’s mouth would be at her vagina. She would be posi-
tioned so she could watch him kissing and licking and
enjoying the taste of her. Meanwhile, the rest of us
would be naked now and fondling each other, kissing
penises, having vaginas licked. Then, as minutes passed,
when she was flush with orgasm the boy’s penis would
be stiff and close to her face and she would have to hold
and caress it, to kiss it, to open her mouth for it, to make
love to it, to be glad to have his semen surge into her
mouth. Her mouth and her vagina were ours, and her
boy’s. His penis, and in due course the penises of other
boys in our group, were hers. All the effort of all those
weeks would be worth it the moment we saw our boy’s
penis come out of her mouth, sticky and wet, fresh from
having ejaculated. We would tell the girl that she had to
swallow the semen, and she invariably would. Typically,
when a girl for the first time has a penis in her mouth
and her head is bobbing up and down to excite it, she
has no time to think of anything else, least of all
whether there is anything else she would rather be do-
ing. She needs to please the boy, and she will need to
deal with the semen that is about to spurt into her
mouth, and she has time and space only for that.
On the first occasion there might—there probably
would be—hesitation on her part, and we would have to
urge her on to take the penis into her mouth. On the
second date, a few days or perhaps a week later, the ini-
tiative would more likely be hers. But our training was

31
not done. We needed to teach her the difference between
purported “love” and romance: the disconnection in our
ethic between sexual urge and pleasure, and commit-
ment and love. Orgasm is its own reward, sufficient in
itself.
At the third or fourth assignation the original boy
would be replaced by one our most handsome, person-
able boys, skilled in transference. We now had to get her
to want his penis just as much, or even more, than she
had wanted—or been willing to take—the penis of the
first boy and play with it unhesitatingly, make love to it,
and drink its semen. Our success in this would affirm
our ability to displace her value and judgment system
and replace it with our own decision-making, our com-
mands. The choreography was exactly the same: sequen-
tial oral sex, fellatio and cunnilingus; but the boy would
be random. Any boy, at least any boy chosen by us,
would do.
(The end result was a girl who had become one of
us, her religious commitment bent to accord with our
conception of sex as religious expression, her modesty
abandoned, the sacrament recognized as being any ex-
change of orgasms rather than a single act of marriage.
For her sex in tandem with others became a synonym for
group worship as it for us. This was no debasement: if
you look around at the literature on love and sex and on
the sex scandals of recent times from Profumo to Spitzer
the enabling factor is always what “J” (actually Joan
Garrity, author of “The Sensuous Woman”) pointed to in
the 1960s: an unwillingness by sheltered, prissy wives to
put a husband’s penis in her mouth and receive his se-
men. Ms. Garrity described in some detail how she
would stimulate her partner’s penis orally, making him
totally dependent upon her and keeping him loyal. The

32
girls who lived and romanced at MOM’S FRIEND’S HOUSE
would go out in the world knowing what they wanted in
life and able to judge a man’s sexuality and his charac-
ter; to demand that he satisfy her sexually and able and
eager to satisfy him.)
In such cases, and in many more, “love bombing”
works remarkably well: this was, in fact, the method
used by David Berg’s minions to recruit followers for the
C O G. The target must be surrounded by friends who
show intense affection and who chatter constantly. This
works especially well with girls who have any kind of
insecurity or who have unmet needs. A girl whose
breasts have never been seen in public will soon be dis-
playing them to us and be proud to see her partner’s pe-
nis made erect at their sight. I have known dozens of
“promise keepers” who have, in the post-Monica era,
first concluded that oral sex would not break the “prom-
ise”, and then decided that virginity is contrary to rea-
son. Or contrary to God’s will. Or that orgasm is an irre-
sistible force. Or all of the above. None of this is neces-
sarily or likely the work of a single day but it is a single
and continuous process: one that can only end with the
girl having a mouthful of semen and wishing for more in
the future.
Success in seduction depends not only on method
but on personality and skill. If this were not so, and if it
weren’t true also of nearly all of those talents and skills
which so many authors fraudulently promise to teach
you in 200 pages or less, at great expense. You cannot
learn to play the piano at concert level in 100 days at ten
minutes a day; and you cannot learn Chinese in 100
days at 100 minutes a day of study. But many, perhaps
most, boys can “sell” themselves and can convince a
girl—not just any girl, but many of them—that there is

33
nothing she would rather do in all the world than to take
his penis and kiss it and put it in her mouth and make it
ejaculate for her and swallow his semen. The strategy
may be imitation (of Monica); it may be conviction (i.e.,
religion, as in David Berg’s assertion that girls ought to
perform fellatio and ought to swallow the semen as an
act of piety)22; it may be a realization that there is no
greater flush of joy than in the orgasm of oral sex—and
since more than half of all girls and women cannot re-
liably count on orgasms from vaginal sex but almost al-
ways can reach climax with a boy’s tongue pressing
against clitoris and stroking the vaginal area. One trick
for the seducer is to manage to bring the conversation
around to such subjects. Whatever a girl may pretend,
she will almost certainly have seen oral sex on the In-
ternet and may well have a fear not of the act itself but
of revealing her knowledge of it lest others think ill of
her. Think: if Ugly George could get girls in New York
City to disrobe before his webcam so he could put their
topless images on cable TV, then any boy, likely far more
handsome than Ugly George, can get a girl not only to
disrobe for him but to take down his underpants, play
with his penis, and give him great joy in exchange for
similar delight afforded to her clitoris.

22 He did not, in fact, make this argument consistently.

Sometimes he acknowledged that some girls would not like

oral sex and that many girls would resist swallowing semen:
http://tinyurl.com/yopxe5. But Mom’s Friend took a different
view, one that probably more accurately represented Berg’s
position: “Male-male homosexuality is not allowed but lesbi-
anism is tolerated. Anal sex is prohibited. Oral sex is encour-
aged if the female swallows the semen.”
http://www.exfamily.org/children-of-god/.

34
 Always remember, however, the “same age rule”:
Genarlow Wilson did not, and it caused him grief even
though the age disparity was only 2 years.23 (On the
other hand, Edison Chen's indiscretion had no legal con-
sequences for him or for the women whose crotches and
penis-filled mouths he photographed because all were of
legal age; and anyway that was Hong Kong.24 A further
good idea would be not to record the event on a camcor-
der or cell phone unless you are sure that your jurisdic-
tion does not prosecute oral sex performed by minors.
Or, like Roman Polanski, you might have to seek asylum
in France where they don’t consider sex fun to be a
criminal offense, least of all oral sex fun.
Let’s go back to first principles.
The first of the first is to choose your target
wisely. One general rule is that the best prospect for any
confidence trickster is someone who has been scammed
before. On that basis a virgin boy eager to shed his vir-
ginity might target the sort of girl that I was: one who
enjoys being the first girl to wean a boy from masturba-
tion. Or, even better, to find him before he has ever mas-
turbated and to make it unnecessary and redundant for
him ever to learn.25 Failing that, one can seek out a girl

23 Wilson v. State, 282 Ga. 520; 652 S.E.2 d 501 (2007)

http://tinyurl.com/4sr2zy, rev’g http://tinyurl.com/3t3fwu.

24 http://tinyurl.com/ynptn2 (“Hong Kong Stars Edison

Chen, Gillian Chung & Cecilia Cheung Sex Photo Scandal”).

The background to the story is here: http://tinyurl.com/4t6rqk.
25 Mom’s Friend used to shoo unaccompanied boys away

from “public displays of affection” after a few minutes, fol-

lowing advice given her by her spiritual advisor, Rev. X. The
fear was that, aroused without the likelihood of heterosexual
relief, they would resort to self-help (by which she meant “self-
abuse”).

35
who enjoys having her breasts silently admired and
whose response is, as mine would be, to gaze at the boy’s
penis, or at his bulge. It really doesn’t matter (as I’ve
repeatedly said) how far along in puberty the boy is or
whether his penis is of any particular dimension. We are
talking about reciprocal (i.e., one after the other) oral
sex, boy to girl and girl to boy or the other way ‘round. It
isn’t a zero sum game, and it may well be true that it is
just as much fun to give as to receive.
Much has been made of the obsessions of ancient
provenance on the part of religious philosophers, the
teaching profession, scouting leaders and, dare I say it,
parents over masturbation.26 David Berg was probably
the first prophet to approve of masturbation as a means
for children to learn of sex and to approach the notion of
religious ecstasy. But even Berg was inconsistent and it
seems that he did deem fellatio a better alternative so
long as the girl swallowed the semen.27 At least one fo l-

26Ironically, in the case of handicapped boys tormented

post-puberty by their inability to pursue orgasm, masturba-
tion by mothers has been counseled: “Libido does not dis-
criminate. ‘When frustration asserts itself, it can make a cere-
bral palsy victim more aggressive,’ says M. Lachal[, himself
wheelchair-bound and incapable of normal sex or self-
gratification]. ‘Sometimes it's terrible. When you are a
mother, and your adolescent son is tormented by physical
needs that render him uncontrollable, that disrupt his studies,
what do you do? Well, certain mothers are led to relieve
their child, to masturbate him.’” (LE M ONDE , Oct. 22, 2002)
http://www.geocities.com/cobil1/mondehandicapes.html.
27 “Male-male homosexuality is not allowed but lesb i-
anism is tolerated. Anal sex is prohibited. Oral sex is encour-
aged if the female swallows the semen:
http://tinyurl.com/4tle84.

36
low-on cult of former members of Berg’s church back-
tracked, interpreting Onan’s punishment28 as proof that
masturbation of a man to the point of ejaculation could
not be tolerated even if it was a female performing it.
Caressing and fondling were encouraged, but it was
deemed essential that mouth-to-genital stimulation fol-
low.29

28 Lots has been written on Onan; here’s just one exa m-

ple: http://www.rtforum.org/lt/lt67.html. To our minds one
cannot pick and choose among pre-Christian biblical com-
mands: if Onan was wrong, then circumcision is still manda-
tory. And so on. The so-called “New Covenant” vaunted by
Catholics and Protestants alike is a self-serving myth. This
carries on to the notion of marriage as sacrament: it is the act
of penis in girl that is the sacrament.
29 It is no surprise that religious philosophers and mi n-
isters tie themselves in knots over such issues. Rev. X, relig-
ious advisor to the landlady of the boarding house (actually a
commune) where I lived for some years, was quite specific in
explaining that it was tongue and “lips” (meaning both mouth
and labia) and penis and vagina alone that should be the
sources of major stimulation and orgasm. It seems that the
technique of fellatio used by some women to hurry their part-
ner’s orgasm would violate this norm:
http://tinyurl.com/6crb26 (naughty video of oral sex in
the try-on cubicle of a shop, recorded by the boy in question).
The fact that the girl in the video takes pains to collect and
swallow the semen may be a redeeming factor. How Talmudic
in style such glosses become! A more serious criticism of that
hasty cubicle-sex would be that the orgasm was not mutual.
Many or most voyeurs who subscribe to the so-called “cream-
pie” fetish argue, similarly and consistently with Rev. X, that
the penis must be inside the girl at the time of ejaculation:
http://creampie.com.

37
 Thus: oral sex is the proper substitute for mas-
turbation. Even if one considers that early adolescence is
an inappropriate time to begin vaginal sex, whether out
of fear of pregnancy or out of a confusion of love with
romance and passion, it is proper to encourage girls and
boys to engage in oral sex as soon as they are physically
ready as a means of avoiding the greater evil.
The key is less the views of parents than those of
ones peers. In applying the foregoing rule in a specific
case one needs the support of peers. An innocent seduc-
tion is easily undertaken at a party with a group of two
or three couples. The assisting couples will cooperate in
the seduction by showing off their own oral sex in a con-
text where doing so seems totally natural and inevitable.
If an atmosphere of passion can be developed, delightful
mutual oral sex of the soixante-neuf kind is so natural,
so contagious and so arousing that so long as your date
has a positive attitude to the disrobing it is a good bet
that she will be unable to resist her boy’s penis.
The girl should take that penis and draw it to her
mouth (and, at the appropriate time, her vagina) and
you should never press or force it upon or into her except
at her invitation to do so. To do otherwise is to ask for
trouble and to permit of misunderstanding and later ac-
cusation, with costly results. This is another good reason
to have another likeminded girl or two, preferably a
friend of one’s own girl, present and watching and set-
ting an example by enjoying her own oral sex and
showing off the semen ejaculated into her.
Both should have their eyes open at all times.
The whole point is to see as well as being seen. To enjoy
as well as being enjoyed.
That is the essence of seduction: and the per-
formance of the promise.

38
 And if one is going to criticize the public aspect of
the initiation, the coming out, then one needs to consider
the alternative: for it is not chastity, that alternative, it
is secrecy and shame. There is nothing more normal
than for a boy and girl with hormones to be aroused by
each other and to excite each other to the state of or-
gasm. And to enjoy the flow of the semen that reflects
(because it contains) the human soul and the divine
presence. There is a reason why boys and girls, men and
women, are transfixed by a penis in the moments lead-
ing up to ejaculation, why one needs to see that semen
spurt into the girl, wanted and needed and consumed by
her. This is the ultimate in what is natural and innate
in us because we are hard-wired, in the image of God
and of Jesus, in that sense.

39
40
 S EDUCTION OF THE IN N O C E N T

The lex Iulia, passed for the repression of adultery,

punishes with death not only defilers of the mar-
riage-bed, but also those who indulge in criminal in-
tercourse with those of their own sex, and inflicts
penalties on any who without using violence seduce
virgins or widows of respectable character.
— Institutes of Justinian, J.B. Moyle transl.
(2002) p. 205, Title XVIII (“Of Public Prosecutions”)

T
here is, as I have discussed elsewhere, a fetish
shared by many that involves seeking out virgins
to seduce. At the extreme it can be a cultural
norm as in Jaipur, India.30 Teen sex clubs follow that
route, and I for a while I belonged to a “homework club”
that had as its real object the seduction of the innocent.
The “club” consisted of a handful of boys, most of
them quite popular, intelligent and desirable and one or
two of them rich, and a succession of innocent girls who,
except for those who would in due course get with the
program and assist in recruiting more virgins to replace
those who left, and in inducing those virgins, by way of
peer pressure, to perform oral sex on the boys, did not
stay long.

30 DAILY TELEGRAPH, April 14, 2008, For sale: 13-year-

old virgin http://tinyurl.com/5uca2l. See also the allegations
made against Warren Jeffs and the FUNDAMENTALIST CHURCH
OF L ATTER D AY S AINTS , for example in this collection of N.Y.
TIMES articles http://tinyurl.com/6rkokf.

41
 The scheme was always different, yet it was al-
ways the same. There would be an academic session: on
history, on science, on French—it didn’t matter. The
room temperature would be kept high. At some point
there would be a call for toplessness. Not out of the blue,
mind you, but following a particular charade, a particu-
lar choreography that made taking off our tops a natu-
ral, impulsive act. That might be, that day, as far as we
would go. But perhaps that day, or perhaps on another
day a little skit would be played out and one of the girls,
perhaps me, would remark to the boy beside me that it
wasn’t fair, he had an erection in secret, we weren’t sup-
posed to have secrets and let’s see it. And I would fumble
with the boy’s pants and his underpants and his erection
would be in plain view and as naturally as could be I
would fondle it and soon it would be in my mouth. And
soon enough he would have ejaculated into my mouth.
Eventually it would be the new girl’s turn and
never, not ever, did one of the new girls refuse. Her han-
dling of the penis might be tentative and inelegant, and
she might find the semen hard to swallow. But in the
end she would manage, with us cheering her on. And she
would be one of us. If not that day then soon she would
have an orgasm of her own, a boy’s tongue insistently at
her clitoris, her breasts wiggling to the cadence. This
reaffirms the importance of breasts in the course of sex-
ual excitement—and that importance is not limited to
visuals and to arousal of the boy: hormonal changes
upon arousal affect both the clitoris and the nipples.31
But, virgin or not, many girls—and all those who
have been properly prepared by their peers or condi-
tioned by their seducer, want to be seduced, want to flirt

31 See note 16, above.

42
and play with a penis and take that penis into their
bodies: mouth, vagina or both. Insofar as we are talking
about young teens—under 16—it should be taken as a
given that the seduction must not be a one-on-one pro-
ject but should have the support, if not of the girl’s
mother and/or sibling then of her friends. And if not
that, then the boy will need to contrive friends and con-
fidantes for her, and will need to love-bomb her over
some considerable time. The girl needs to know that she
will be kept safe. And, at the last minute, she needs to
know that the penis is her friend and that holding it and
putting it in her mouth is the best thing that could hap-
pen to her. And that semen is delicious and delightful.
As indeed it is.
Ultimately, the underwear party is probably the
best arrangement: when the couple is ready for oral sex
they will have easy access to each other’s sex parts, and
meanwhile they can maintain decorum for the target
adolescent.
In an underwear party there are three, or some-
times two, couples including at least one close friend or
relative of the target person. It may or may not be a
sleepover; a sleepover is nice because the ex-virgin can
spend the night in bed with her (or his) first partner; but
of course much depends on the presence or absence of
approving elders. While the target couple may both be
virgins, it is really better and easier if only one of the
couple is inexperienced. If both are virgins it would be
better to sort the participants so that each virgin has an
experienced partner.
Once the party has begun and the target’s favor-
ite music is playing the couples should have at least an
hour to socialize and prepare the atmosphere. The con-
versation should then be turned to romantic and sexual

43
topics. It will be necessary for one couple to set an ex-
ample and, one hopes, to assist in arousing the target
couple.
The lead boy will remove his girl’s bra if she is
wearing one and she will sit in a chair and fuss over his
underpants, removing them at a point where, if possi-
ble, his penis has started to rise and is pointing straight
at her. She will them immediately play with it, kissing it
and putting it in her mouth, and she will begin the
steady pace of back-and-forth with her head to excite
him. It shouldn’t take more than five minutes to bring
him to ejaculation, at which time she will, with some
panache, collect the semen on her tongue and swallow it.
The boy will then take off the girl’s panties and,
with her seated forward in the chair, he will minister to
her vagina, putting his tongue into it and kissing and
licking all her soft parts before concentrating on rubbing
her clitoris with his tongue to bring her to cli-
max—however long that takes.
The target and, if there is one, third couple
should duplicate the exercise in tandem, which will pro-
vide a model and a cadence for the girl or boy being in-
troduced to oral sex. The rest of the choreography is ob-
vious: the virgin girl will be induced, if necessary
through insistent pressure by the others, to unclothe
and play with, and ultimately take into her mouth and
bring to orgasm, her partner’s penis. And of course a big
fuss will be made over her after she has swallowed his
semen. When the target is a girl the most exciting mo-
ments are three: when she puts a penis in her mouth for
the first time, when she makes it ejaculate, and then
when she cries out with her first orgasm from oral sex.
As often as not a virgin girl will spill, and perhaps make
a mess of, the semen as it spurts into her mouth. She

44
will need encouragement to collect what she can to
swallow. On the other hand, it’s always cute, lovely to
see drips and trickles of semen on young girls’ breasts.
These days a lot of such events are preserved on mobile
phone videos, but that’s a dangerous practice and I al-
ways advise against it: remember the Genarlow Wilson
story: if there hadn’t been a record of his having his pe-
nis in the mouth of a 15-year-old girl he would never
have been arrested and convicted32. Another such story
(one of many) is that of R. Kelly, indicted on child por-
nography charges, accused of videotaping himself in sex
acts with a 14-year-old girl. I have little sympathy for
him: with the exception perhaps of those who
marry33—and I don’t mean the “celestial marriages” to
minors of the dirty old men of the FUNDAMENTALIST
C HURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF L ATTER D AY S AINTS with
their marital bed for deflowering teenage virgins up-
stairs from the wedding chapel in the Yearning for Zion
temple. But where boy and girl are of the same age, ea-

32 His conviction was eventually quashed by the Georgia

Supreme Court: see n. 23 above.

33 Thus http://tinyurl.com/63trwf & http://tinyurl/dnuq.
Others http://tinyurl.com/4mulns & http://tinyurl.com/3gbus8.
Compare http://tinyurl.com/ 3u26g7 (“Sex teacher Stephen
Morrow jailed for after getting teen pregnant”),
http://tinyurl.com/6z42lt (“37-Year-Old Pregnant Woman
Marries 15-Year-Old Boy in Georgia”), and perhaps most no-
torious of all, Mary Kay Letourneau: http://tinyurl.com/62lf8s.
Seductions of young boys by older girls and women, not un-
common between the 1960s and 1980s among the Children of
God, were rarely prosecuted in the past. The film “Notes on a
Scandal” deals with this in a more current fashion and ad-
dresses many of the side issues: spiteful, jealous denunciation
most particularly.

45
ger and excited to experience orgasm, there is nothing
but good that can come out of penis in mouth and tongue
at clitoris.
And when they are done, the boy and girl should
not wash until they are ready to go home. Semen should
be worn as a badge of honor, whether it is on one’s face,
in one’s hair, on one’s breasts or at one’s vulva and mat-
ted pubic hair. Orgasm and ejaculation are to be cele-
brated and remembered and vicariously enjoyed, too, by
family and friends.
What a sight it is—something to be treasured: a
seated young girl hesitantly draws down the underpants
of her boy standing in front of her, and his penis springs
out and she can’t take her eyes off of it. It may be a big,
grown penis with lots of pubic hair and a relaxed scro-
tum; or the penis may be pubescent and smallish with
just wisps of pubic hair; the scrotum may be tight
against the boy’s body. But the girl will not care; and if
the boy does not yet have an erection her friends will
prompt her what to do. To fondle it and kiss it and run
her tongue over its tip and underneath where it is most
sensitive. And then to put it in her mouth and move her
head back and forth and her tongue all around. And
then to keep a steady back-and-forth pace, building up
the boy’s tension and excitement that her friends will
describe to her as they see it on his face. And with or
without warning there will be a drop, or a stream, or
perhaps waves of pulsating semen. And the girl should
not stop until all the semen is in her mouth and at her
lips and perhaps dripping a bit onto her breasts.
And the boy will be grateful. He will be prompt-
ed to kneel before her, to remove her panties, to spread
her legs gently, to spread her labia and gaze at her
beautiful vagina. And to make insistent but gentle love

46
to her with his tongue until she quivers at the approach
of orgasm.
Why the sight of all this should be so endearing
in fact, when people claim that it is repugnant and
grossly indecent I cannot say. My mom got rid of her
virginity at 16, perhaps young for her era and perhaps
not; I got rid of mine, albeit accidentally, before I was 12.
Neither of us ever looked back, and neither of us consid-
ered that privacy or seclusion during sex is anything but
a perversion of nature and of natural humanity. The fact
remains that once properly conditioned, mothers (but
less so fathers) are quite happy to see their daughters
with a penis in their mouth; and both mothers and fa-
thers love to see their sons with their penis in the mouth
of a girl. I have to wonder how many lives have been
ruined, how many marriages destroyed, how many ba-
bies unborn, because girls and women accepted the
“conventional wisdom” that oral sex is demeaning, dis-
gusting and “contrary to nature”. Semen, far from being
repellant, is the essence of what makes us, the creator,
or at least the catalyst for the creation, of our souls: no
wonder everyone who sees a penis in a girl’s mouth
needs to linger until the penis has ejaculated, and takes
a critical view of the girl’s mouth movements against
that penis. It is the genuinely sensuous girl who fasci-
nates, enthralls and—inevitably—attracts other boys,
other penises.
So much of what we do and are made to do by our
parents when we are young seems designed to keep us
from sex, while so much of what we see, especially in
films, on television and in the press, seems aimed at tit-
illating us. There is a clear hypocrisy there. The Internet
has freed us to some degree: but it has also driven us to
secrecy and privacy, and that is wrong. Progressive

47
groups at colleges and universities are doing something
to combat this; and educated people have always been
more adventurous sexually than less educated strata of
society. But having seen, recently, how the State of
Texas moved to repress the Fundamentalist Mormons
there—a repeat of 19th Century attacks, legal and physi-
cal, against John Smith and Brigham Young and their
followers—I realize just how dangerously repressive
American society is.
That should not stop us from seduction nor from
encouraging the young to seduce each other, but it must
make us wary. On the positive side, once a pubescent
teen has been exposed to heterosexual orgasm there is
no chance of reverting or turning back. Surgeons can
perhaps fake a hymen34 but the girl’s urgent need, di s-
covered and recognized at her first orgasm, will not go
away.
In the olden days mothers choreographed their
daughters’ sexual escapades, and their attempts to en-
trap a husband, from behind the scenes. Now, in this era
of gender equality, women’s professional advancement
and sexual liberality (sadly, sometimes more imaginary
than real), there is little to preclude a mother from being
there for her daughter’s first penis—other than the
imagined, artificial horror evoked in mainstream soci-
ety.

34 http://tinyurl.com/6x5d5j. See also Virginity discourse

... sexual initiation aftershock: http://tinyurl.com/37zgr3.

48
 S EDUCTION , M ORE OF

W
e have discussed for the most part situations
where one or both partners have been brought
up in a sexually-aware, progressive, quasi-
naturist family or community. That may be the ideal,
but it is uncommon. We have also considered situations
where friends, if not family, can be enlisted in support of
the seduction and to exert peer pressure on the prospec-
tive partner.
In the absence of such background (including the
likelihood that the girl, especially, would “always have
known” and looked forward to her reception of a penis in
her mouth in her early teens, assistance), gentle but
persuasive strategy must be used.
We shall assume that the active partner is the
boy. Steady expression of affection over a period of time
may lead to the opportunity for embrace. If, beyond
kissing, the boy can caress the girl’s breasts and caress
her clitoris he can assume that, with due care, his penis
will soon be in her mouth. She does not need to know
that this is his goal, but he does need to entrance her
with constant chatter. Meanwhile, by minimizing for the
time being the removal of clothes, revealing only the
parts that are necessary to get started, the girl will be
set at ease. Ideally the couple should be, over time, re-
duced to their underwear. But by leaving on his under-
pants the boy will allow the girl to assume, correctly as
it happens, that he does not intend to penetrate her va-
gina with his penis at that time.
It is, for the moment, unimportant whether the
girl’s bra is removed. The boy should, while kissing the

49
girl, caress her clitoris with his fingers, moistening them
with his own saliva. And as the girl is brought to a state
of comfort, he should, while kneeling to the side, move
his face over her crotch, slide her panties down, and kiss
her vulva, squeezing his tongue gently between her la-
bia. He can then slide her panties off and gently spread
her legs and thighs apart, all the while kissing her pubic
area and sliding his tongue over vagina and clitoris. He
should maintain a steady pace, pressing his tongue
every so often as deeply as possible into her vagina. Af-
ter three or four minutes of this the girl should be totally
relaxed and now aware that the excitement building up
within her can lead to orgasm. The boy should now sur-
reptitiously remove his underpants, lift his leg up and
over her head, and present his penis to her mouth.
Only now will the girl be aware, for sure, of the
quid pro quo: she has enjoyed the romance and is en-
joying the anticipation of climax, and she can not avoid
the obvious. She must open her mouth and accept the
boy’s penis.
If the girl does not instinctively caress the penis
with her tongue and lips the boy can, by moving his
hips, receive oral pleasure on the penis. In due course
the girl will probably become aware of what she needs to
do, and press her lips firmly against the penis. If she
does not, the boy will need to tell her.
But at no event should he cease his constant rub-
bing with his tongue against her clitoris. He must keep
up a steady pace, circular or up and down, until the girl
actually achieves orgasm. At such time he can become
slightly more assertive with his penis and his hip
movements, following the cadence that feels best for
him. He should avoid changing position unless the girl

50
insists or unless he is making insufficient progress to-
wards his own orgasm.
It is an open question whether the girl should be
told in advance that, of course, the boy will ejaculate
into her mouth and, if so, how much warning she should
have. It’s very important that the girl should want to
treasure the semen and to swallow it; and if only for that
reason one doesn’t want her to gag or to have an un-
pleasant surprise of any kind. One doesn’t always have
an opportunity to time things as one would wish, but a
workaround for this is when the girl is in the midst of
her period and the boy makes a show of enjoying her
blood and mucus. I myself have had oral sex with a boy
first removing my tampon and if tactfully approached I
think most any girl should be willing. After that the girl
as counterparty will be obliged to receive her boy’s se-
men without complaint or hesitation. In all other cases,
no general rule can be offered, and the boy will have to
make a judgment call. Presumably he will have gar-
nered some knowledge of the girl’s personality, directly
by speaking to her, or in advance from the friends who
introduced her. And, assuming the two have been “prop-
erly introduced”, they should have solid respect for each
other from the start.
I personally believe that if the boy remains on top
of the girl with his face to her vagina, continuing with
his penis in her mouth after she has reached climax and
she continues massaging his penis with her lips and
tongue, then she must certainly expect him to ejaculate
soon. She will still be in the first blush of first orgasm
and likely quite happy to receive his semen, if unsure of
what she will do with it once it’s in her mouth. The boy
should certainly tell her not to stop massaging his penis
until he has fully ejaculated, until all the semen he has

51
to offer is inside her. Then he should roll over, take her
in his arms, embrace her and kiss her and bid her to
swallow his semen, at the same time showing that he is
happy to taste his own semen. Indeed he should mount
her and press his penis into her vagina at this point. If
she is a virgin, this is the most beautiful, the most ap-
propriate time for her to dispose of her virginity, her
hymen. This is totally optional and must be consensual,
bearing in mind that many girls, especially young teens,
will have chosen oral sex as an alternative to vaginal sex
and not simply as foreplay. In either case, when he is
done the boy should kiss his girl’s vagina as a matter of
afterplay, tickling her clitoris with his tongue by way of
promise for the future.
If, on the other hand, after her own climax the
girl is uncomfortable with the boy on top of her, he will
need to roll alongside and guide her head to his penis
and be more explicit as to what she should do. Either
way, with him on top or with him seated and the girl
approaching his penis from above, he can signal his
needs with his hips. He can, in the seated position,
maintain constant chatter. As he ejaculates he can tell
her to swallow, and when she has swallowed most of his
semen he can embrace and kiss her and share the taste.
In the thrall of orgasm nearly any girl will do her boy’s
bidding, and the boy should not hesitate to tell the girl
exactly what is desired of her, exactly how to move her
mouth along the penis, and tell her just as the semen
begins to spurt so that she can prepare to swallow it.
In many, if not most, seduction cases leading to a
girl or a boy having oral sex for the first time this will be
the adolescent’s first touching—and sometimes even
first view—of a penis or vagina as the case may be. It is
very important that after both partners have fully re-

52
covered composure post-orgasm the ex-virgin should
have time to explore the partner’s sex parts. A girl
should finally lose all “fear” of a friendly penis, she
should come to know the penis as her friend, as the
thing of beauty and romance and passion that it is.
Oral sex of girl on boy is the most sensuous act
known to humanity. For this reason it is something that
should be shared with friends just as those whose faith
derives from the 1960s commune are wont to do. It
should be no surprise that “oral sex clubs” and “nude
dance parties” make such displays the centerpieces of
social gathering. That a girl of 14 or 15 can be brought
in a day from shyness to assertiveness, eager to play
with a penis and bring it to ejaculation with her mouth
demonstrates the naturalness and the beauty of the act.
She will, of course, concomitantly want to show off her
inner labia, and enjoy her boy publicly bringing her, too,
to orgasm.
The concept of “gross indecency” is truly a rela-
tive thing, isn’t it!
And there is an important warning for every boy
and girl who would set out to seduce a prospective part-
ner: do not come across as arrogant or even confident.
Shyness and romance will attract your target partner,
and grooming and gradual but insistent progression will
bring the reward of mutual orgasm and shared bodily
fluids that you seek.
At all times the bywords are “gentle”, “sensuous”
and “respectful”. The aim of seduction ought to be not
just one orgasm but the awakening of one’s partner to a
new life of flirting with the conscious aim of having pe-
nis in mouth, enjoying reciprocal orgasms and exchang-
ing bodily fluids: time after time after time, as a renew-
able resource and fantastic pleasure. And as oral sex is

53
vicariously delightful and infectiously arousing, one aim
of the seducer or seductress should be to assure that the
partner will be impelled to do so in front of others, to
create an atmosphere of sexuality and reinforcing and
self-perpetuating excitement.

54
 T HE P A C E

“P
ace” comprises two issues.
How rapidly the seduction
process can be concluded,
and how rapidly one should proceed
to ejaculation. The answer to both
was given many years ago by Mae
West: “I Like A Guy What Takes His
Time”.
As with fishing for fish, “flirty fishing” or “FF-ing”
as David Berg called using the promise and performance
of sex as bait to lure souls for Jesus, needs to be con-
ducted gradually, increasing commitment being sought
and obtained before challenging basic principles and as-
sumptions theretofore held by the target person. A girl
(or a boy) whose friends are sexually active is an easy
target; one who has secretly explored the Internet and
has a hidden eagerness is likewise good potential for
quick disrobing and arousal. Or arousal and disrobing.
It is well to work in stages. A topless party may
of two or three couples can work, and it does not mat-
ter—so long as this is made clear to the girls—how big,
how developed, their breasts may be. Once the tops are
off, however, the chatter must never stop, not until a
penis is in the girl’s mouth and she has come to realize
that she is having fun, as are other girls next to her. At
that point there is no going back; the boy can hint with
slight movements of his hips how she should handle his
penis; he can remind her to keep her lips and tongue
firmly against it. He should also remind her how beauti-
ful she is and how much pleasure she is giving and how

55
much pleasure she will receive after he has come. And
he should, he must, ejaculate into her mouth and the
other girls must guide her to swallow his semen. And
then boy and girl must change places and the boy must
bring his tongue into place at her vagina and however
long it takes, he must kiss and lick and caress her and
bring her to orgasm. If, then, she wants his penis inside
her vagina—as was almost always the case at MOM ’S
FRIEND’S H OUSE —he will surely have his erection back
and she will surely have joy and delight.
In stimulating the sex parts of both boy and girl
my years of experience tell me that one should work at a
pace slower than the partner would like. That is perhaps
counterintuitive, and it differs from what most girls do,
which is to move up and down over the penis as fast as
possible. Speed in massaging the penis with one’s mouth
does not equate to accelerating the pace of male orgasm
and ejaculation; what is more important is consis-
tency—steadiness of cadence. A slower pace serves as a
kind of tease and it may increase the volume of semen
produced. Going too fast or pressing too hard or chang-
ing the pace too often can spoil the event, it can also
make the girl sore. Sex is not a competitive sport; as I
said it’s not a zero sum game. Indeed, tandem sex adds
to the event by providing vicarious pleasure to the fact of
one’s own physical orgasm. Everyone, upon seeing a pe-
nis approach an eager vagina or an open mouth, is
breathless to see the penis enter; and also eager to see a
trickle of semen flowing in due course.
When I have a penis in my mouth I want to
regulate the speed of the boy’s own movement. I may
also want to vary the movement and to take the penis
out of my mouth from time to time to inspect, admire
and kiss it in the full knowledge that I am setting back

56
my boy’s ejaculation by 30 to 60 seconds each time. I in-
spect the slit at the end of the penis. If there is any
seminal fluid35 there I want to taste it as it’s a promise
and a sample of what is to come, although of course with
much more force and volume. Also it’s an indicator of the
boy’s excitement and delight. Oftentimes I will play with
any drops, pressing a finger to it and then transferring it
to my lips—and even to the lips of the boy. A boy who is
unwilling or hesitant to taste his own semen has re-
jected our philosophy and ignored the essence, the very
meaning, of semen as carrier of the divine aspect of man.
If the main aim of the fellatio is to bring the boy
to my way of thinking about sex and religion, then I will
want to be particularly methodical and deliberate, and I
will want to be watching the boy's face and, if suitable,
take the penis out of my mouth from time to time to
evangelize—to encourage him to associate the pleasure,
and especially the anticipated orgasm, with faith and
salvation.
I always assert myself to the boy, largely because
Mom and Mom’s Friend taught us that we were heir-

35 "Pre-ejaculate is a clear mucoid fluid produced by a c-

cessory sex glands and expressed on sexual stimulation into

the urethra. The organs that produce this fluid are Cowper
glands, the glands of Littre, and possibly the glands of Mor-
gagni. Pre-ejaculate volume may range in normal men from a
few drops to more than 5 mL. Pre-ejaculate functions natu-
rally as a chemical neutralizer to the urine's residual acidity
in the urethra and thus provides the basic pH of the semen,
allowing for safe passage of sperm.", Chunovsky and
Niedeergberger, Copious Pre-Ejaculation: Small
Glands—Major Headaches, J. A NDROL., 2007:28, No. 3, citing
Chughtai, et al. A neglected gland: a review of Cowper gland.
INT J ANDROL. 2005;28:74-77: http://tinyurl.com/62cbc5.

57
esses to the feminist movement, that we were entitled
not only to pursue orgasm at each and every sexual en-
counter but that it was for us to set the pace. In our
faith’s very explicit kind of childraising, mothers of boys
would teach their sons that restraint was a virtue. But
mothers of boys, explicitly or not, have a mystical rela-
tionship with their son’s penis and this is why such
mothers’ presence at a defloration party was so signifi-
cant. She would get to see his—and her—DNA marking
the entry into sexual and communal life of a virgin girl,
his nurtured penis the instrument of her awakening.
How different is this in principle from a bat mitzvah, a
quinciñera or any other celebration of coming of age?
And there are special cases, special perform-
ances. It may take a long time, but one of the best oral
sex events is when a girl takes her boy’s penis and runs
her tongue over its tip slowly in a circular motion, delib-
erately and constantly, over and over again, without
taking the penis in her mouth until the moment of its
ejaculation, at which point she slowly squeezes its tip
with lips and tongue, moving her head not in a bobbing
way but slowly up and down, draining the penis of se-
men. This is the most memorable of performances but
most times neither girl nor boy will have the patience for
it. More often another dramatic demonstration of semen-
Host is this: the girl will collect the ejaculated semen on
her tongue, spread it over the head of the penis and dis-
play it to those watching before sucking it back between
her lips to swallow. I have seen some girls repelled by
such demonstrations of affection, passion and pleasur-
ing; but more often adolescent girls want to imitate what
they have seen and to learn more about the biomechan-
ics of the penis. Meanwhile there is a conundrum here:
people like to see ejaculation; they like to see semen

58
spurting from the little slit at the end of the penis. But
they do not like to see semen wasted or disrespected: the
semen belongs in the girl’s body; it must become part of
her.

59
60
 T HE R OLE OF B REASTS IN O RAL S E X

B
reasts serve as
markers and identifi-
ers, as arousers and
attracters. The reader will
not need me to tell him or
her how boobs, nude or
nearly so, excite and derange. The breasts shown in the
illustration36, stage 4 adolescent breasts, are supremely
evocative. As I wrote above, it was by virtue of being
bra-less and wearing an oversized T-shirt whereby pu-
bescent boys could peek at my breasts that I engaged
them: having caught them peeking I could eventually
demand sight of their penis to play with.
Every girl of 13 or older knows the power of
breasts, and how to encourage or discourage boys from
transferring their constant thoughts of sex to her. Mom’s
Friend, like David Berg, considered such thoughts a
positive thing, never “lewd”, never “lascivious” but
rather an affirmation of evangelism. Mom’s Friend went
further, taking this to its ultimate conclusion: a young
girl with a penis in her mouth, the head of the penis
peeping out from time to time at the bystander, her eyes
sparking, her smile anticipating ejaculation—this reaf-
firmed the natural order and brought boy and girl closer
to God, drew the bystander into faith. In other words,
breasts served as religious symbol and aphrodisiac; and

36 Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puberty. The

"puffiness" of their nipples would make them particularly at-
tractive to certain males.

61
sex, the renewable resource and element of every relig-
ion, would be the ultimate form of prayer, and source of
joy.
It was for this reason that adolescents must put
their bodies on display and that so many opportunities
for nudity existed at MOM ’S F RIEND ’S H OUSE. Whereas
“nice” girls are told by their mothers to keep their knees
together, Mom’s Friend remonstrated otherwise: boys
and girls might be inspired by the sight of genitalia; pe-
nis and vulva were, as God’s deliberate creations, wor-
thy of respect and regard; even staring would be no of-
fense.
Lest the reader ridicule such practice as child
abuse and misuse of religion, let it be remembered that
quite apart from the sex-as-religion subcultures that
have come to light already (Warren Jeffs’ FUNDA-
MENTALIST C HURCH OF L ATTER D AY S AINTS is one),
many mothers choreograph their daughters’ dating and
sex lives; that half of 15-year-olds have lost their virgin-
ity; that oral sex has been a sport of puberty since the
1960s and made respectable since the 1990s and Moni-
cagate.37

37 The dispute is only as to degree: Caitlin Flanagan,

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Monica, THE A TLANTIC, Feb.
2006 http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200601/oral-sex.

62
 S AFE S EX AND A M OTHER ’S C A R E

M
om’s Friend’s theory was that because sexual
relations of boys and girls of 12 to 18 years of
age among her charges and those of the com-
munes and families associated with her would be strictly
limited to same-age adolescents of the opposite sex
within a closed circle of that community, there would be
little or no risk of STDs. To the extent that a small
number of virgins came into the circle there was some
risk but it was negligible. The task of policing the
boundaries of the community fell on the mothers of
teens. The doctors among Mom’s Friend’s commu-
nity—there seemed always to be doctors, lawyers, politi-
cians, mostly but not always female, among Mom’s
Friend’s circle—approved. At age 19 or when we went off
to college, whichever came first, we were obliged to use
condoms.
The first rule of Mom’s Friend was, however, to
banish hypocrisy. She and her lover did not hide their
sexuality from her daughter (whom I call in my essays
“Older Girl”) nor from her stepdaughter Terrific Girl.
Why should a young child be “sheltered” from facts of
live and love? A girl who has seen her mother cradle a
penis in her hand and make love to it with her mouth
and her vagina will, it can be fairly and empirically ar-
gued, scarcely be “damaged” by the sight: after all in
primitive societies and one-room homes all over the
world this is common currency. Instead, the child will
learn by example and grow up without the sexual
stresses, restraints, and hang-ups that so permeate our
society, frustrate adults and impede relationships.

63
64
 M Y F IRST P ENIS TO P LAY W I T H

GOD INTENDED FOR US TO GET ACCUSTOMED

TO SEX LONG BEFORE THERE WAS ANY PRO-
CREATION or any sex or intercourse. And therefore
you wouldn't be so preoccupied with it when you fi-
nally hit puberty or somewhere near there, and you
wouldn't just go crazy about it. If you were already
accustomed to it, there wouldn't be any big deal
about it, nothing new!—It's only natural!
— David Berg (“Moses David”)38

I
have related many times in
numerous essays the story of
my defloration, and my first
experience of oral sex soon there-
after. I was 11-1/2 with budding
breasts and pubic hair, and in the
course of horsing around in the
nude with a boy just a year older
I suddenly found myself sprawled
on the floor, my legs apart, and
his “big-small” penis firmly in my
vagina. For a long time thereafter I believed the boy’s
story that it was an accident and that he had continued
on with sex because it felt so good: that it had all been a
surprise to him too. With more experience I came to be-
lieve that he had probably contrived the situation, and
indeed that he must have lubricated his penis with sa-
liva and directed it deliberately between my thighs.

38 http://www.exfamily.org/pubs/ml/ml779.shtml.

65
 (You can imagine, Dear Reader, if only from
looking at Moses David’s illustration accompanying this
chapter, that 11-1/2 was not particularly young in terms
of his theology, but you should bear in mind that the
very reason my Mom, and Mom’s Friend too, left the
C O G was their dismay over the involvement of pre-
pubescent children in sexual activity.)
Shortly afterwards, once I’d come to terms with
the event and how it hadn’t been the fun it should have
been, and after I’d talked about it with my Mom, It was
conventional wisdom that to maximize her orgasm po-
tential a girl would need to share oral sex: a boy would
need to bring a girl orally to the cusp of climax and only
then put his penis in her vagina if the girl was to be as-
sured orgasm. And in turn, the boy would be expected to
have the girl take his penis in her mouth and bring him
to, or almost to, ejaculation.
Beyond that was the issue of the religious signifi-
cance of exchange of bodily fluids. The first time, and
every time, semen rushed into my mouth from a penis I
felt a flush of importance and joy:39 I was receiving the
DNA of Jesus: Holy Communion. I saw my breasts as a
lightning rod, as lanterns signaling for the Holy Spirit to
enter my body. The excitement of the boy was entranc-
ing; it made me that much more eager for the onset of
his ejaculation; I tried to guess when this would happen,
which stroke would set him off—I had seen untold other

39 I have seen many girls at oral sex and there is si g-

nificant difference when her motivation for urging semen to
spurt from a penis into her mouth is a religious one. Religious
or purely secular, it should always be happy and fun; I cannot
understand how anyone, girl, or boy, could see fellatio as de-
basing or dirty. A friend has proposed this as an example:
http://tinyurl.com/4conhx.

66
girls do this, though mostly from a safe distance. And
when the semen came, I wanted to catch it all. I
wrapped my lips tighter around the penis and tried to
draw more out, and then I swallowed what I had and felt
grand. I was imitating the older girls I’d seen playing
with penises, and My Mom too, whom I occasionally saw
in sexual embrace. I changed places and the boy began
to kiss my vagina and lick my clitoris and press his
tongue inside me. Somebody was prompting him from
alongside; at one point I became bold and moved my legs
further apart and put my fingers to my labia to ease his
tongue’s access to my clitoris. He kept it up for a long
time; and only when I cried out—my first orgasm with a
boy—did he put his penis inside me. It all seemed so
natural; and it was so unlike the time before when I’d
felt only soreness and the only good part was that I
knew I was rid of my hymen and that boys would now
look up to me.
For about a year previously, like many and I
suppose most girls going through puberty and especially
those in a naturist environment, I was acutely aware of
girls’ and boys’ sex parts and their hidden and not-so-
hidden sexuality. With other pubescent and almost-
pubescent girls I began to watch teens in their mating
dances, penises aroused and penises penetrating and
penises ejaculating.40 And also vaginas being kissed and
overjoyed. Probably the time was about right anyway,
but I knew my Mom would have liked to have seen the

40 In our community it was not unusual for family,

friends, peers and others to have a view of adolescents ca-

vorting and making love. Indeed, brothers and sisters might
make love in each other’s presence and with each other’s
friends.

67
event. At the CO G and among a lot of the offshoot sex-
as-religion cults mothers play a direct role in their kids’
growing up and having sex. Deflation justifies a party.
(It is important to note that with us, as with any
community of nudists irrespective of their outlook on sex
and sexuality, puberty is noticed but taken for granted. I
imagine that the naturist convention is to ignore it,
however hard that may be. We, on the other hand, gave
affirmative attention to the sexual development of our
peers, and any boy whose penis had started to grow, and
any girl whose breasts had reached an interesting stage,
would certainly hear comments about it. And at the
point where the boy was producing semen and the girl
menstruating, he and she would be attracting close at-
tention from the opposite sex and from kibitzers gener-
ally. Girls and boys, by the time that happened, were
unlikely to let shame, embarrassment or modesty inter-
vene. On a very few occasions what I take to have been
homosexual tendencies led the disappearance of a boy
and, necessarily, his mother from our community.)
What I missed at my coming out was an orgasm,
and I knew that. So I orchestrated an oral sex event, at
which a boy of my choice and I would make love to each
other’s sex parts by mouth. There was a teen audience
and, for my part, I showed off the semen I collected in
my mouth before dutifully swallowing it. From then on I
was part of the sexually-active crowd at the commune
where we lived; but within a year Mom and I had moved
away to a houseboat and the following year I devoted to
perfecting oral sex skills with virgin boys I seduced
along the pier. It was only later, when Mom broke up
with the guy who owned the houseboat and we moved to
M OM’S FRIEND’S H OUSE , that I began to think of sex di-
rectly as a spectator sport that should be performed sen-

68
suously: penis and vagina should be seen; orgasm and
ejaculation should be public. I think not many main-
stream people, even promiscuous ones, would go that
far. But it is part and parcel of our faith and constitutes
a valid subculture and lifestyle.
For me and for all of us, a first occasion of oral
sex was a rite of passage. Under Mom’s Friend’s ethic, it
was also an essential part of foreplay and the major
source of sexual pleasure for girls. It was, furthermore, a
means of spreading joy by sexually arousing those
watching, thus a source of vicarious pleasure which
ought to multiply that of the copulating couple.
For us girls, growing up in a sexually liberal en-
vironment, erotophobia was alien. The human form, sex
parts and all, held as much beauty for us as it did for the
ancient Greeks. But at the same time, we knew that our
boys were responsible and respectful whereas “outsider”
boys most often were not. There was a distinct difference
between the penis of one of ours and that of a stranger:
indeed the fear of strangers inculcated in us by our
mothers kept us safe, while our early knowledge of sex
and the inevitability of our wanting to enjoy and share it
at puberty also kept us safe.

69
70
 A GIRL ’ S F IRST P ENIS ( OTHER GIRLS )

[T]o have sex together with the opposite sex at the age of pu-
berty & throughout your teens when you need it the most is
virtually either forbidden or made impossible! NOW WHY
DID GOD MAKE YOU NEED SEX SO MUCH AT THOSE
AGES UNLESS IT WAS HIS WILL? You're the strongest &
you've got more sex drive during your teens than almost any
other age. I've said before that I think the Lord must have
been in favour of marriage at about 12 or 13 because you're
first able to have children at that age.
— David Berg (“Moses David”)41

W
hether or not a girl’s
first sex—oral or vagi-
nal—is the result of se-
duction, her susceptibility to be-
ing seduced will be driven by her
mind-set, and that is framed by
her peers. In the most explicit
case—and, I argue, the safest and
best—the event will be staged,
and one or more girlfriends will
be present to provide support,
advice and protection. The boy
and girl should undress to their
underwear and proceed from there.
While the atmosphere is best if one or more of the
girlfriends proceeds first to have sex with her own boy,
sometimes the girlfriends are unaccompanied. The sub-

41 http://www.exfamily.org/pubs/ml/b6/ml902.shtml.

71
ject girl takes down the underpants of the target boy
and, with or without guidance, proceeds to play with his
penis. Apprehension on the part of either girl or boy can
usually be resolved by the girlfriends and in most cases
an erection happens quickly even if the boy is inexperi-
enced. Erection involves both psychological and physical
stimuli and either is enough to generate the relevant
excitement and blood flow. Furthermore, arousal is self-
enforcing.
Once the girl has hold of the boy’s penis she
should not let go, and once she has the boy’s penis in her
mouth she should not, until ejaculation, remove it except
very briefly either to allow it a moment to restore maxi-
mum stiffness or to bring the head of the penis into
view, for herself and for her friends.
In this day and age there are so many how-to
Web sites and on line42 so many homemade, amateur
video recordings and webcam files not just of adults but
of teens also engaging in oral sex that few girls or boys
should need to approach their first time ignorantly or
naively. What for us in the early 1990s and before
seemed innovative—Mom’s Friend’s insistence that oral
sex was a vital part of foreplay, if not (as in soixante-
neuf ) a perfect romantic encounter in itself—today is
commonplace. The comment of veterans of the 1960s
sexual revolution that “sex was a form of hello” had,
post-Monica, transmogrified into “oral sex is just a nicer

42 “Amateur porn” sites, especially those outside the

United States, like http://pornoamateurs.be are useful

sources, although often weighed down with commercial por-
nography and, of course properly bereft of images of teens who
appear to be underage. Cell phone videos are commonly ex-
changed among peers, but this bears obvious legal risks as
Genarlow Wilson found: see n. 23 above.

72
form of first kiss”. In many places the peer pressure is
overwhelming; among the “peers” will be siblings and
friends eager to take on the role of first sex partner,
publicly or privately.43
While the ideal in our ethic is that the girl should
be assured the opportunity to pursue (note that I do not
say “achieve” although that will be the normal outcome)
climax at each and every sexual encounter with a boy,
“turn about” as “fair play” cannot be manda-
tory—nothing in our sexual lives is obligatory. Whether
or not the girl in this case will (with the support, if need
be, of her friends) choose to make the boy perform cun-
nilingus on her after his ejaculation depends on circum-
stances. So long as her protectors are present there is no
reason to think the boy would decline his duty if asked,
or indeed that he will not take the initiative or not enjoy
the opportunity. But that is for later.
There was at one time, and there may still be, a
home party scheme whereby a group of women would be
taught how to perform fellatio by a lecturer/instructor,
with the help of sterilized plastic dummy penises. It
struck me as both incongruous and superfluous, and my
impression must have been correct since the Web site,

43 I wrote once in an autobiographical essay about “The

Big-Breasted Girl”, a precocious 13-year-old who attended a

nude dance party I was at and who, in the end, could not re-
sist the sexual electricity and her partner’s erection. Other
girls, including myself, stood by and as the boy’s penis repeat-
edly hit the wrong target felt impelled to assist in aiming it.
To the onlooker there is an irresistible urgency to see an erect
penis meet its target, whether vagina or mouth. And to see
the proof of orgasm (for as many, including the inimitable Al
Goldstein, have said: “Orgasm, like justice, must not only be
done but be seen to be done.”).

73
and perhaps the course, are no longer around. To my
mind the only requisite for exquisite oral sex is the de-
sire to give and receive. And there are few rules: be gen-
tle, keep your eyes open and watch both penis and face
of boy, welcome the semen when it rushes into your
mouth and don’t stop until the last bits of semen have
spurted out and been swallowed.
The key points to know are the sensitive areas of
the penis, and that stroking the underside of the tip
with your tongue is a key to stiffening even the more re-
calcitrant penis. It is the girl who should set the pace,
but she should be responsive to the boy in that regard.
The best advice I can offer is always to go slightly more
slowly than the boy would like: a form of teasing which
will excite him all the more and which may increase his
output of semen. By and large, the more semen he
ejaculates the better the orgasm for him: and, of course,
the greater the Communion. For sex is always a relig-
ious experience, and oral sex the more so, and semen is
nothing if not a Host of Holy Communion.
Begin with the lips firmly placed against the
head of the penis, and stroke the penis with lips and
tongue. Forget all that has been said of “deep throat”:
the sensitive part of the penis, like the sensitive part of
the vagina, is at the beginning. Changing the pace ex-
cept in the most gradual manner is likely to interrupt
the build-up of sensation and delay the approach of or-
gasm. The girl should be aware of this, and change ca-
dence only if that’s what she wants to accomplish.
Ejaculation should occur in five to fifteen minutes. At a
girl’s first time with a penis in her mouth she may not
anticipate this happening, but her girlfriends might, or
the boy may give warning. Most importantly, the girl
should want to welcome the semen and should not pull

74
away or let the semen spill. Most of the techniques for
showing off ejaculation are likely to reduce the pleasure
to the boy.
The extreme methods, which provide both lovely
view and a different sort of pleasure for the boy, include
continuous stimulation of the tip of the penis with the
tongue without ever putting the penis directly in the
mouth. I would not recommend such methods for a first
time; and they do take much longer to complete. It is
better to bring the boy to ejaculation in your mouth, and
deliberately let some semen leak out back onto the pe-
nis: you can lick that off later but its sight will signal to
those watching that ejaculation has happened. I think it
is crude to open your mouth wide to display the semen
before swallowing it: that is for a porn show; what you
are trying to do is to bring a boy to ejaculation with style
and panache, and to swallow the semen he has given
you. There was an element of trust on his part when he
put his penis into your mouth; there is no reason for
those watching not to believe that the trickle or drips of
semen they see are not just a representative sample of
what you have been given and have consumed.
Furthermore, the way in which a girl approaches
the penis, once exposed to her, is very important both
from the standpoint of the boy’s satisfaction, the viewers’
vicarious enjoyment and the girl’s own appreciation. She
must have a positive, unhesitant manner. There must be
no doubts in anyone’s mind—least of all hers—that to
take the penis into her mouth and bring it to ejaculation
there is absolutely what she wants most to do. Her ea-
gerness must be felt and must be seen: through her
smile, through the sparkle in her eyes, through her con-
tinuous gaze at penis and face of boy. And she must
know—the boy must exude his feeling and inten-

75
tion—that when she is done the boy will put his face be-
tween her thighs and reciprocate, gladly and happily
kissing her clitoris and licking her vagina to bring her to
climax: not just by way of reciprocating but because it is
the most natural thing and his real desire. That “soci-
ety” should suggest, should ever impose the idea, that an
urge to join tongue and penis or vagina is unnatural or
sinful or unlawful demonstrates only the hijacking of so-
called morality by perverted social engineers and mi-
sogynists.
There is something symbolic when the boy’s pe-
nis, once the boy’s underpants are lowered and once it is
uncovered, slowly moves upwards until it points directly
at the girl. This is the time when she should make her
first move, grasping it, caressing the boy’s scrotum
lightly but without tickling, kissing the tip of the penis,
running her tongue beneath its head and then, finally,
licking around the head and sliding it halfway into her
mouth. If the girl is topless at this point, the boy should
become increasingly excited, not just from the tactile
sensation at his penis but from the sight of the girl tak-
ing it into her mouth and from the sight of the girl’s
breasts. The girl’s strategy should be never to let the
boy’s excitement and the atmosphere of sexual electric-
ity cease building—not until the explosion of semen into
her mouth.

76
 M UTUAL O RAL S E X

W
hen I was about 15,
it came to be thought
in our circle that
mutual oral sex, soixante-
neuf44, was the highest and
most beautiful and most de-
lightful form of sex. Indeed, at
the nude dance parties I
would go to, couples would
take turns at it, trying—not
very successfully most
times—to coordinate their or-
gasms, girl and boy. Whether
the girl was on top or on bot-
tom she would be largely in control and while the boy
could, by moving his hips slightly, adjust the timing and
the lingual friction on his penis the girl had the greater
power. Indeed, if the boy was dilatory in his oral stimu-
lation of her clitoris and vagina she could signal her dis-
appointment and force him to pay proper attention sim-
ply by pausing in her stimulation of his penis.
The concept of public sex even more so than of
naturism generally implies a vision of the sex parts of
the human body as objects of beauty. The derision of the
vagina as cloaca, ugly and sinful, is part and parcel of
the misogynist control of women by male-dominated so-

44 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/69_sex_position. Image is

from an engraving by Félicien Rops for Le Diable au Corps,

1865, reproduced by WIKIPEDIA.

77
ciety. The test of true sexual and social liberation is the
recognition of the beauty in the act of girl-on-top with
light shining on her vagina and her boy partner’s tongue
inside. In this position one sees the clitoris being stimu-
lated and the condition of the girl at climax. Representa-
tionally, with girl on top and her orgasm as priority
she—and the feminist ideal45—are redeemed.
The boy is not ignored. The girl will hold his pe-
nis straight up and she will control that, too. With lips
and tongue, in a cadence that matches her own arousal
and excitement and rush to orgasm, she will play with
the head of the penis, stimulate it with constancy, and
enjoy her reward at ejaculation which all can see.
It is the simultaneous, or nearly so, exchange of
bodily fluids that marks mutual oral sex in its fullness
as Holy Communion. And, repeatedly, vicariously, all
the couples will share in this closeness to the Divine, be-
fore and after their own presentation and reception at
center stage. It is the precious sight of mutual pleasur-
ing, the easy exposure to view of penis and vagina, and
the loveliness of trickles of semen that produce, in the
bystander, appreciation and sexual eagerness.

45 The feminist construct need not be negative:

http://www.nyls.edu/pdfs/meyer 8.pdf

78
 … ON A DARE

P
erhaps the most common circumstance behind a
girl engaging in oral sex on a boy for the first time
is a dare: by the boy, or equally often (and far
more convincingly) by the girl’s friends, her peers. I call
this the “boy in the chair” situation, where the virgin
girl is induced to play with the penis of a target boy
seated pantsless in a chair, and she is goaded on by her
friends to put the penis in her mouth and to make it
ejaculate. And, hopefully, to swallow the semen.
The classical sex clubs used to use this for an ini-
tiation, the boy then having to perform oral sex on the
girl, and the whole affair being timed to the girl’s period:
the concept of exchange of bodily fluids that my circle
considered a religious event here, borrowing from out-
side social norms, was an effort at humiliation and deg-
radation. For the initiated it is, of course, exactly the
opposite of that. Our rule as to same-age partners and
strictly consensual sex had as specific aim the avoidance
of inequality and of coercion: it might equally be said
that for the first time one should choose a partner of
limited experience and unlimited patience, of outgoing
personality and charm. If love is scarcely of relevance,
romance and passion definitely are. This is something
that can be appreciated by a girl from the age of 13, and
with support from friends a girl of that age can easily
collect the confidence to perform. More commonly is the
problem of the attitude of a pubescent boy: a modicum of
seriousness and compassion are needed on his side, and
for that reason I found it wise to limit the number of

79
other boys present, and if there are more than two oth-
ers to have them outnumbered by girls.
It is true that many girls, and not a few boys, in-
sist on privacy and secrecy in the matter of sex, let alone
oral sex. But this is wrong, misconceived. The drama of
anticipation, arousal, excitement and orgasm is to be
seen and appreciated—and it is naturally contagious as
well as being a renewable resource. Ideally boy and girl
will undress each other, which should lead the boy’s pe-
nis to start becoming erect, something that not just the
girl but the others watching can appreciate. But for so-
cially-imposed sanction, guilt over lust, embarrassment
over enjoying a natural pleasure, girls and boys would
have neither inhibition, (false) modesty, shame or hesi-
tation: they would respond quickly to natural urges and
admit to the need for sexual joy.
True, for a girl aggression and coercion and unre-
quited passion on the part of a boy yield fear, danger
and pain. This does not mean that every liaison must be
preceded by a lengthy courtship, nor does it mean that
arranged partners—sex between boy and girl matched
for the occasion by their friends and family—is not often
the best. One hopes that every girl shall be in an envi-
ronment without fear and that she will be safe, pro-
tected by friends and family. One hopes that every penis
she sees will be gorgeous and that she will enjoy pleas-
ure and have recognized her right to pursue orgasm
each time. Still, there are bound to be disappointments:
this is a risk in any of life’s enterprises, including sex.
For me the minuet would go like this: a new boy
would be presented for my approval. We would flirt
briefly and there would be mutual signals. Ideally we
would be now in our underwear: I would take down his
underpants and see his penis. He would remove my bra

80
and perhaps my panties. I would seat him in the chair
provided; he would be seated forward, his legs apart, his
penis ready and accessible. I would kneel in front and
play with his penis, put it in my mouth and, depending
on its state of erection either work on exciting it by tick-
ling its underside or go directly to exciting it to ejaculate
for me—a process of five to ten minutes.
We would change places; he would kiss and lick
at my vagina and if he didn’t do so on his own accord I
would insist that he press his tongue inside. He would
run his tongue repeatedly and steadily over my clitoris
and I would guide him as to whether I wanted quick,
flicking strokes or—more usually—slow circular move-
ments. And in 15 to 20 minutes I would almost always
reach a climax.
And I would want his penis in my vagina: per-
haps he would even have a second ejaculation.
The foregoing also happens to be the best sce-
nario for a girl’s defloration, the only difference being
that since the girl is probably not on the Pill her friends
will need to have contraceptive foam, or perhaps a con-
dom, available for application AFTER the first penetra-
tion (which should always be with lovely, bare penis) if
the boy is likely to proceed to second ejaculation.

81
82
 T HE W HYS AND W HEREFORES

I
t may be fairly asked what motivation would lead a
girl and boy to exhibit their oral sex before family
and friends. Collegial sex is not innately unnatural.
If, in the manner of David Berg, self-appointed prophet
of the CHILDREN OF GOD, one accepts that sex is a relig-
ious phenomenon and an expression of devotion and an
evangelical act, the rest should come naturally. Al-
though in fact collegial or public sex was not an essential
nor a predominant fact of life in their communes it did
occur sporadically, and it was a frequent feature of the
commune movement of the 1960s. It is also a fact of life
in some primitive societies untouched by so-called Chris-
tian morality and by Islamic repressive rigor. If, like the
girls of the COG, one accepts that sex is an expression of
humanity and religious welcoming, then its performance
in secret is sacrilege and its celebration before others is
sacrament. In that context it is never pornography un-
less it is exploitive.
This must, however, never be an excuse for per-
mitting child pornography free rein: pornography, in-
cluding child pornography, is commercial exploitation
and never a matter of freedom of expression.46 As a ma t-
ter of fact, while there should be no room for false mod-
esty and embarrassment nor any hesitation to enjoy sex
in front of family and friends if one is so inclined, the
danger from perverts and aggressive strangers is real
and adolescents need protection from them. The risk is

46 http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/apr/17/
internet.childprotection

83
such that it is difficult to form an opinion on how one
should address the situation of adults who, while under
age, filmed their sexual antics and now, being over 18,
publish those films. The Genarlow Wilson case sheds
light on the risks here. The ubiquity of mobile tele-
phones with video recording capability has created a
real danger that compromising situations may be re-
corded without regard to risk.
The fact is that the underlying urges are, in gen-
eral, irresistible and boys and girls, already aware from
the Internet and TV of what awaits them at puberty47,
are unwilling to wait, sometimes even that long. Oral
sex, as non-invasive and safe as sex can be, is a reason-
able compromise. Neither penile size nor vaginal devel-
opment matter, and if the couple is motivated and eager,
oral sex will happen. I was not yet 12 years old when I
started and, especially among the boys of my group once
introduced to sex, like the virgin bull after his first
mounting, the need for sex became constant. There was
also a missionary component: the “flirty fishing” duty to
introduce and to inspire boys of my own age. Indeed (but
this reflects the special environment of sex-as-religion in
which I was growing up) on a number of occasions a girl-
friend would approach me to seduce her brother, typi-
cally of 12 or at most 13 years old: and she would be
there as I went through the usual minuet of intriguing
him with breasts and sexual “poetry” until we reached a
state of undress and until his penis was in my mouth:
and indeed until he ejaculated, whether a few drops or a
few teaspoonsful.

47 http://www.teenpuberty.com and http://en.wikipedia.

org/wiki/Puberty are two Web sites typical of those that edu-
cate children of varying degrees of sophistication.

84
 In this day and age of gender equality there is no
reason why brothers should not be presenting their pu-
bescent sisters to boys for introduction to oral sex, but
the fact is that whether through misogyny, a warped
sense of gallantry or so-called “chivalry” many boys and
fathers tried to keep their sisters and daughters in sub-
mission and ignorance as long as possible. But it did
happen: and although I was deflowered almost acciden-
tally in the course of a nude tumble with a boy during
horseplay before I was 12, and then went on to try oral
sex because I already had seen others doing it, mostly
today it is the other way around, at least for pubescent
and adolescent girls. While an 11- or 12-year-old girl
may be ready for oral sex, I don’t, with what I now know,
think it’s time for them to have a penis in their vaginas
just yet. But that is a matter for each girl to decide for
herself: the present of a family member or a friend ought
to be to assure her protection from coercion, and to as-
sure that her partner will not be selfish, and will take as
much time as is needed to bring her to orgasm orally too.
A girl’s rite of passage, her defloration, her first
penis-in-mouth are not all that far removed from the
traditions of quinciñera and bat mitzvah and sweet six-
teen. Whatever their original meanings, these ceremo-
nies today constitute the doorway to sex, the rejection of
hymen, a public flirt. Today it is rare for a girl to remain
a virgin after her prom night. The Rainbow Party may
have been a fable, but 13-year-old girls as often as not
dream of performing oral sex; and they are constant visi-
tors to Web sites that show erect penises. This is some-
thing that should not be ignored.
In this sense, the best companion and escort for a
girl, or for that matter a boy, is the mother. Moses David
and a number of his successors in the milieu in which I

85
grew up (my mother fled the COG soon after I was born)
approved of parental guidance in the matter of early sex.
There is no doubt that many mothers watched over their
daughters as they were deflowered, although this is de-
nied by those who were in power in the Church and is
still denied today in much of the literature. But it’s also
true, and this is less denied, that mothers involved
themselves in the seduction of their sons by teenage
girls and young teachers who were on the staff of the
Church.
Mothers have always had a mystical relationship
with their boys’ penises, a relationship that—the Oedi-
pus story apart—is rarely discussed outside the most
arcane and obscure journals of psychology and parapsy-
chology. This is underlined by women’s role in decisions
over circumcision, but also by their tendency to monitor,
however discreetly and surreptitiously, their sons’ sex-
ual activity. Mothers have always been tolerant of such
things. Whether for a mother, or a sister or brother, or a
friend, to see a girl gingerly, hesitatingly, grasp her first
penis, fondle it to make it stiffer and then cautiously
bring it to her lips and into her mouth: this is touching,
fetching, delightful. One knows that the next time and
all the times thereafter will be different, she will have
the experience of joy, of semen—and of her own subse-
quent orgasm, and there will not be hesitation, there
will not be diffidence. It will still be cute, her acts and
her emotions; but the newness will be gone, the novelty.
Confidence will have replaced shyness; expectance and
anticipation, wonderment.

86
 T HE A ESTHETICS OF O RAL S E X

T
he fascination—and not just on the part of vo-
yeurism fetishists—with the sight of penis in
mouth reflects our nature. So fetching is the sight,
and the urge to enjoy oral sex, that the State has made
it illegal, although since Lawrence v. Texas48 there has
been far less direct intrusion into private conduct, even
when that conduct is collegial, i.e., there is group or ex-
hibitionist sex. In England, the fetish of dogging49 takes
this further, with couples intending that they should be
watched by strangers while having sex. For fellatio the
ideal is for the head of the penis to be visible often, and
for the ejaculation to be seen to be induced by the firm
pressure of tongue and lips upon it; at ejaculation there
should be a visible trickle of semen to affirm the event,
and a subtle exhibition by the girl of the semen in her
mouth and being swallowed.
Demonstration of cunnilingus, at least in the
more common positions, is somewhat less attractive to
the bystander: this is a fact of physiology and line-of-
sight limitations. The most important aspect of cunni-
lingus is not, however, what is to be seen but the facts of
mutuality, of feminist realization of right, and rejection
of the “cloaca syndrome” that finds female anatomy re-

48 539 U.S. 558 (2003) http://tinyurl.com/6p4mh6, di s-

cussed in Wikipedia http://tinyurl.com/br2tj, the Duke Uni-
versity Law School site http://tinyurl.com/66sez8, and else-
where. That the case concerned sodomy of the homosexual
kind does not limit its holding: it is a privacy case.
49 http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/dogging.

87
pellant. The modern sexual etiquette ordains that the
boy should always kiss his partner’s vagina and at least
moisten it with saliva using his tongue, and ideally he
should bring his partner to the cusp of climax by mas-
saging her clitoris orally: only then should his penis en-
ter the vagina. This new “soft norm” (i.e., ideal, or rec-
ommendation) owes its recognition to the outspokenness
of modern college women, building on feminist argu-
ment, social equality and the fading of religious re-
straints. Here again mutual oral sex, certainly with girl
on top, resolves the visual issue: the girl’s beautiful va-
gina is plain to see, and the movements of the male
tongue doing penile duty can be fully appreciated. On
the other hand, my experience is that for a first time at
mutual oral sex, and particularly when the partners are
pubescent and the penis not fully grown, boy on top
tends to work better, with easier access for the penis to
the girl’s mouth. The only caveat is that the girl must
respond promptly to movements of the boy’s penis as he
will be trying to signal to her exactly what pace to pro-
ceed at, and how and when she has put insufficient
mouth pressure against the penis. If a boy is concerned
that his penis is not receiving adequate stimulation in
the girl’s mouth he will tend to slack off on his titillation
of her vagina with his tongue, and the entire process will
lose momentum; the boy may even lose his erection tem-
porarily.
While we limit our advocacy of youthful sexual
exploration to legal partners—which in all Western ju-
risdictions would include boys and girls from age 16 plus
and in many of them same-age partners, at least from
age 14—the fact is that many boys and girls are having
sex, especially oral sex, from age 11 on. Most will be
physically mature, or at least pubescent; few religions

88
(and certainly not Islam or the Fundamentalist LDS)
would countenance sexual activity of a boy or girl with-
out at least pubic hair. On the other hand the CHILDREN
OF G OD did, and many children were stimulated sexu-
ally in various ways. Indeed, young, prepubescent boys
were sometimes seduced by the nannies and teachers:
this was certainly true of Davidito, David Berg’s step-
son, who while still a young boy had his first sex with
one of the teachers while his mother looked on.50 Even
professionals disagree.51 More correctly, children should
be informed and educated about sex; it should not be
hidden from them; but only children with mature or ma-
turing sex parts should be encouraged to engage in sex
play, and then only with others of the same age. The
reason is clear: there must be no coercion and no abuse;
but if one accepts the view that sexual dysfunction in
later life is due to maladjustment and sexual denial
early on, then it follows that it is the hostility, the guilt
and shame, the “sinfulness” that are wrongfully associ-
ated with early and free sex that lie behind not just
much of sexual incompetence but much of marital fail-
ure.
Start with this: since the 1960s we have known
that the way to a man’s heart has been oral sex. “J” ex-
plained this in The Sensuous Woman, and since then
there has been a whole sexual revolution, but still there
are those who refuse and who deny.
And there are those who would prohibit: and not
just “sodomy” and “crimes against nature” of all kinds:
abortion, too; but when they rail against “abortion” they
are also railing against policies and practices that would

50 http://www.geocities.com/cobil1/davidito.html.
51 http://www.geocities.com/cobil1/wp_isteensexbad.html

89
avoid the need for abortion: they are seeking to ban con-
traception and to re-criminalize non-marital sex and, I
would suppose, all sex other than for the immediate
purpose of procreation. Yes: bring back all those biblical
and Talmudic rules, all but the ritual bath. I think the
raid in Eldorado, Texas in April 2008 had something to
do with this.52
That said, the point more relevant to the aes-
thetics of oral sex is that these social engineers and
moral dictators deem the penis and the vagina disgust-
ing . They would, if they have sex at all, have it in the
dark. And they would deny their women pleasure and
keep their offspring in submission and ignorance. In our
community, on the other hand, when I was growing up,
nudity was encouraged and their was no secret about
puberty: rather boys and girls were admired during
their changeling months and years. No boy ever felt the
need to be embarrassed over, or to hide, an erection,
whether it was incidental and unintended or whether it
represented evidence of admiration and arousal. It is
said that sex without commitment within a community
leads to friction and jealousy and resentment, but that is
no more true in the case of a closed (and hence, from an

52 As we now know, the raids were staged and the “16-

year-old complainant” did not exist: it was a hoax call from a

known hoaxer in Colorado that gave the authorities an excuse
to raid the compound. There would have been few mobile tele-
phones there, and nobody to gain from any complaint, The
Arizona and Utah authorities regretted the invasion of the
compound, which has likely severely compromised relations
with the FLDS and the child-protection interests of those
states as well as Texas. The Texas minimum age for marriage
had recently been raised from 14 to 16 with the FLDS com-
munity in mind.

90
STD standpoint and with respect to adolescents who are
not involved in the wider world) community than of any
other population. And probably less so since there is a
moral and a social understanding, and a responsibility
between girl and boy to please and to express pleasure
at being pleased. Sex is a bodily function: if not one like
any other, then certainly one that is natural and essen-
tial. It is deprivation of sex that is damaging, even crip-
pling.
It is therefore cute to see a boy and a girl of 11 or
12 or 13 or 14, seated in chairs, their faces and their sex
parts highly visible, talking to each other and, perhaps,
becoming sexually charged. Often, indeed, they will
preen and cavort for an audience and take pride in their
acknowledged sexuality. And why not? This is, or should
be, part of growing up. It is wrong that formal naturists
should prohibit public displays of “affection” (or, more
correctly, sexual excitement). Romance and passion play
an important role in our physiognomy and our psychol-
ogy at least from the appearance of our first pubic hair.
Invariably any sexual interaction between shy, naïve
youngsters would be in response to encouragement by
others, their peers usually. Nothing surprising there, of
course. Everybody likes to see a penis aroused and
played with by a girl, even more so when they think its
ultimate destination will be that girl’s mouth. Further-
more, from the girl’s standpoint this minuet validates
her body, her new breasts, her smile, her flirting. And of
course she will be presenting her clitoris to the boy and
her reward should be a flush of orgasm, something that
will please everyone.
Yet that is not, in my opinion, the most impor-
tant aspect of early communally- or collegially-supported
or -sponsored sex. Society, especially in this era of high-

91
profile commercialized sex, adolescents need to be told
and shown that the significance of penile and breast
sizes is less than meets the eye. Seeing friends at sex
can be very reassuring in that regard, convincing a boy
or girl that there is little to be gained by waiting until
penis or vagina are fully developed, especially if it is oral
sex that is to be undertaken. With such reassurance
young adolescents are likely to be appreciative of oppor-
tunity and pleasure, and as they grow they will retain
their priorities and superficialities will be relegated to
their proper place.
Furthermore, the opportunity to enjoy sex early,
with parental approval overt or tacit, means that there
is no guilt and, after the first time, no shyness. Confi-
dence and style take pride of place: and of course the
recognition of romance and passion, over “love” and un-
reasonable expectations. It is nice to see a girl grasp a
penis for its own sake and press it to her lips; it is nice to
see a boy draw apart a girl’s labia and press his tongue
to her clitoris. After the first or second time these ado-
lescents will acquire style and panache, but even the
first crude attempt is lovely to see. A rite of passage in
progress, indeed.
It is, as Rev. X used to say, refreshing to see ex-
cited, anticipatory “pink bits” in God’s image they too:
proof that sex is a form of prayer, recognized, rewarded,
answered by orgasm—itself proof of God’s presence in
us. It is enough to make a mother beam with pride. And
for the rest of us to acknowledge the universality of the
urge and its satisfaction.

92
 M ORE A BOUT S AFE S E X

In the post 1980s era,

an era when the COG became
T HE FAMILY, and T HE FAMILY
following its close shave with
Lord Justice Ward’s judg-
ment53 in the English court
abandoned at least an overt,
public endorsement of under-
age sex (regardless of the relative ages of the partners),
“safe sex” has been presented a public health concern.
But in fact it has been co-opted by those who would in-
sist on abstinence and ignorance. We need not, here, ex-
posit on the reality of teen pregnancy and STDs in the
absence of proper sex education, and the uselessness of
abstinence education in the context of teen sexual urges
and broadcast titillation. Nonetheless, a review of reality
will help in parrying accusations—not new—that teen
sex leads to disease.
Mom’s Friend’s Rules made infection wildly im-
probable. Adolescents of the same age and of the profes-
sional class rarely are STD carriers.54 The vectors for the
HIV are well known: there are racial and sexual-
preference criteria that may not be politically correct,
but are nonetheless valid. And there is the primordial
barrier, well recognized by Mom’s Friend even in the
early days of the late 1980s: adolescents who limit there

53 http://tinyurl.com/55hj5t.
54 As to the U.S. age distribution of AIDS cases, see:

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsage.

93
sexual relationships to a closed circle of similarly-
situated, same-age peers cannot infect each other. The
only limiting factor is the truthfulness and group loyalty
of the members: if any member cheats and fails to use a
physical barrier (condom55) in vaginal sex with an ou t-
sider, that member can expose the entire cohort.
It is for that reason that the role of parents and
peers in policing the sexual activities of the members of
the group bears such importance. And it is for that rea-
son that shame, embarrassment, modesty, privacy and
secrecy have no place in our regime.
Beyond that, the oral sex paradigm includes a
built-in safe-sex quality. Unless there is a mouth infec-
tion or wound, the passage of the HIV is, if not impossi-
ble, wildly improbable in the course of oral sex.
The role of the mother, to the degree that she
cares to and is allowed to observe, and the role of one’s
peers is to assure the integrity of the system. It we ac-
cept that abstinence and chastity are unlikely, then we
need to provide a basis and an incentive for truthfulness
and loyalty on the part of every member of the group.
These are provided by two elements in parallel:

• The promise of oral sex as a delight and a reward

and a blessing and a mutual gift of the partici-
pants
• The exclusion from the group for anyone who en-
gages in unsafe sex, defined as sex outside the
group without the use of a physical barrier.

55 Here’s a handy chart on how to put on a condom:

http://tinyurl.com/hohfr. The opening illustration comes from

that site.

94
 G IRL ON TOP

Waitress, oh waitress, come sit on my face …

— Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys
—

A
t parties where sex is, so to
speak, on the menu and
girls are in control, the
girls get to dictate the rules and
the order of play. There is, for ex-
ample, the sort of party where
lots are drawn to sort out partners and where each cou-
ple directs the activities of the next. For whatever rea-
son, it seems that the first girl is often directed to place
her vagina over the face of her reclining partner56 and he
has to lick and kiss her clitoris and vagina through to
orgasm. Only then will the girl be directed to dismount
and put her boy’s erect penis into her mouth.
With girl on top whether as just described or in
mutual oral sex the public view of her sex parts is glori-
ous and nearly complete. I think it’s satisfying for most
girls to have their friends see all their pink parts en-
gorged with blood and their vagina dilated, a boy’s
tongue sliding into their vagina and rubbing up against
their clitoris. On the other hand, it is something of an
exercise in balancing and control for the girl to maintain
her position; and on occasion she will have to direct the
boy quite specifically as to what she expects of him. If it
is a boy’s first time he may find the position unsettling

56 The classic illustration has been borrowed from

http://tinyurl.com/5psmdj (“Oral sex education”).

95
and so it’s particularly desirable for him to watch an-
other couple go first. A girl should never hesitate to in-
tervene, whether by spreading her labia to open the way
for the boy to press his tongue into her vagina or to di-
rect his attentions to her clitoris, or to announce when
she is approaching climax so that the boy will maintain
constant pace and pressure with his tongue. Also, if the
girl is drippy, and especially if she is leaking menstrual
blood, she needs to assure the boy that this is perfectly
natural and that he should allow himself to enjoy the
sensation.57
A girl still flush from orgasm has every reason to
be excited as she approaches her boy’s penis and slides
her lips over its tip. The boy will by this time be extra-
excited and he should reach the cusp of orgasm quickly.
She can concentrate on making his ejaculation into a
romantic, passionate event, collecting his semen in her
mouth and savoring it prior to swallowing it. For those
who see this as Holy Communion the ecstasy is com-
plete.
Girl on top and approaching from below is the
signature position for fellatio and it provides maximum
control for the girl as well as good visibility of the penis
for anyone who cares to watch. Typically the boy will be
relaxed, and he will have minimum contribution to the
procedure: about all he can do to signal his wishes is to
move his hips slightly, perhaps to signal to the girl his
desire for a change of cadence, faster or slower. If she
grasps the base of the penis, the girl can direct with pre-
cision and this helps assure that her lips are firmly

57 It is wise for the girl to visit the bathroom beforehand

so that she won’t be leaking any urine as that can be disrup-

tive and unsavory.

96
against its head, maximizing friction and improving
sensation for the boy. Furthermore, when the boy starts
to ejaculate she can aim the semen against the roof of
her mouth and let it trickle below her tongue, perhaps
allowing just a bit to drip down the penis and signal to
any onlookers that the boy has reached orgasm.
Ideally the boy will still have enough of an erec-
tion to put his penis in the girl’s vagina at this point, in
a kind of celebratory or victory lap. And there is no rea-
son why the couple cannot embrace in a kiss: the semen
does, after all, represent divinity as well as earthly de-
light and boys and girls should never shrink from tast-
ing their own bodily fluids. In any event, the couple will
typically wear any drips and traces with pride. At our
nude dance parties we never showered and dressed until
we were ready to go home and dried semen, whether on
penis, breasts or pubic hair would serve as a sign and
reminder of romantic engagement. Indeed, the protocol
at some parties is to shower before arriving and not at
all before leaving; this may depend as much on the
availability of facilities as on personal preference.58
Girl on top works very well for oral sex at all
ages. It's my experience, however, that it is unsatisfac-
tory for vaginal intercourse until and unless the boy's
penis is fully grown—long enough to reach into the va-
gina with ease. Even so, it can be tedious for the girl to
bounce up and down, and painful for her if she moves
quickly and has substantial breasts which bounce. On
the other hand, it can make a nice show for onlookers to

58 At MOM’S FRIEND’S HOUSE we had a big communal

shower available for pool users, an industrial-strength on-

demand hot water heater and plenty of towels so it was possi-
ble to shower at will.

97
see the penis as her vagina moves up and down on it;
and the position does give the girl a good deal of control.
Also, many boys like to see bouncy breasts and I've
found that performing in this way can be erotic and sat-
isfying: I always like to see my sex acts arousing onlook-
ers, and it gives me some satisfaction when a boy and
girl who have been watching me begin to fondle each
other. It's even more satisfying when, independently
aroused, they start looking around, find each other, flirt,
and begin to embrace and caress each other's sex parts.

98
 T HE P ROTOCOL OF THE S EXUALLY
L IBERAL C OMMUNITY

T
o introduce a young adolescent to oral (and, at the
right time to vaginal) sex implies a change of life-
style, impulses and ambition for which new social
rules must be set. There is also a change in the manner
in which the new recruit will be treated by those who
come into contact. There is, in fact, a protocol: the proto-
col of adults and those assimilated as such with respect
to sex. These concern such common issues as when it is
appropriate to proposition, the context in which one is
free to have public intercourse, the frequency of sex, the
response of girls to a boy’s involuntary erection, bathing;
and not to forget the obligation to clean up after oneself.
One of the beauties of oral sex is that it need not
be messy. Semen may drip, but it should not drip on the
furniture; and towels should be pre-positioned to catch
whatever does spill. It is true that excessive preparation
detracts from spontaneity; but it also adds to anticipa-
tion. And to safety: in our community, virtually every
girl from the time of her menarche took contraceptive
pills.
For those to whom evangelization is a religious
duty and for whom the highest form religious devotion is
sexual congress in honor of the Lord, the maximization
of sexual reward in the aggregate implies encourage-
ment of adolescents to begin their sex lives at puberty or
soon after. But it is for every person, adolescent or older,
to decide for oneself when to share one’s body. The sole
duty of the believer is to make opportunity and knowl-
edge and guidance available. The adolescent will re-

99
spond in his or her own time—or, in a few cases, not at
all.
As a matter of actual practice, boys and girls are
curious at a young age and their curiosity, once satisfied,
disappears until just about puberty. At that point they
are conflicted between desire and a fear of inadequacy.
The whole point of what has been written in the forego-
ing chapters is that inadequacy is imaginary and that
positive, sharing attitudes of partners and peers and
parents can dissipate it.
On that basis, if a girl is watching from a dis-
tance as another girl takes a penis, plays with it, and
puts it in her mouth, and if she is seen to be curious and
at the same time curiously uncomfortable yet unable to
leave, and if she is of an appropriate age, then she
should be invited to come closer and a boy should be
found to keep company with her and perhaps to seduce
her. And the same, mutatis mudandis, is true if it is a
boy of 12 or 13 or 14 who is watching. He should be re-
assured that his penis is lovely and a girl found to initi-
ate it an him into sexual maturity.
A girl will know, as soon as her breasts are visi-
ble, just how powerful they are. But she may be fearful
of using them properly, and also fearful of recognizing
that their link to the boy and to his penis is urgent and
can be manipulated to her advantage: among other
things, to assure his willingness to perform oral sex for
her as and when she chooses. Inviting a curious girl to
disrobe, whether or not she wants to have sex at that
time, is a charitable, didactic act. Once disrobed she
may—as so often happened during our nude dance par-
ties when I was a teenager—be unable to resist. And,
after all, why should she? So many times have I seen a
girl convinced by her surroundings that now is the time

100
to play with her first penis—now, with her girlfriends
alongside. The point is that no girl should be embar-
rassed, ashamed or hesitant to show off her vagina. Nor
should she feel the need for privacy when the penis en-
ters her body, mouth or vagina. With luck, she will
quickly become a missionary herself, a missionary evan-
gelizing for liberal sexuality and the relationship be-
tween orgasm and salvation. And, in the months or a
year that follow, she will see her body complete its de-
velopment, and the penises of her favorite boys mature
into big specimens.
This is perhaps best illustrated by that tiny sub-
culture where mothers and grandmothers make a party
out of their daughters’ and granddaughters’ deflorations,
where a pre-selected boy and the coming-of-age girl un-
clothe each other, play with and kiss each other’s sex
parts, and then before friends and family, the girl moves
her legs apart and the boy presses his penis into her va-
gina and through her hymen, his ejaculation confirming
her membership in the body collegiate. It is not porno-
graphic or obscene: it is a sacrament and mother and
grandmother, sister and brother should be entranced by
the sight of an act so basic to human existence, emotion
and sensory perception. That said, it must be obvious
that a scene where young adolescents disrobe and have
sex in front of their elders is possible only in a particular
religious and/or social environment. In that sense, the
affair of the fundamentalist Mormons and the history of
the CHILDREN OF G OD provide certain insight. In my
writing over the years I have described many such situa-
tions, taken from news reports, law cases and my own
research both while at college and later on.59 There is,

59 Many of these reports can be found using a search e n-

gine such as GOOGLE.

101
however, a subculture of naturism where family mem-
bers and friends and acquaintances are comfortable en-
gaging in public and semi-public sex; certain offshoots of
the CHILDREN OF G OD and other 1960s cults and com-
munes can be seen as heirs to this tradition. The cele-
bration of puberty is mainstream, as is circumcision; it
is the elevation of semen to sacramental level that is bi-
zarre—or was, until the modern Internet pornography
industry showed us how very common a phenomenon
this is. Psychologists then moved in and drew conclu-
sions from popular culture and religious dogma to tell us
that it is not, after all, quite so bizarre.
As for oral sex: it should come naturally to girls
and boys at puberty, at least under the modern regime
of sexual liberality. All will have known of Monicagate;
and progressive mothers and grandmothers would have
told, and perhaps demonstrated, that penises are for
kissing.
The above regime could not survive without two
further rules—rules that can be seen also in other sexu-
ally-oriented cults and sects such as the FLDS at Colo-
rado City, at Hilldale and at Eldorado: absolute discre-
tion, i.e., secrecy and the shunning of outsiders, and ab-
solute loyalty. What happens at home stays at home;
gossip is nonexistent. Combined with the percep-
tion—true in fact—of female control and assertion of her
right to pursue orgasm on each and every occasion, and
her right to initiate the choice of partner for the occa-
sion, this yields a society in which oral sex can be unre-
strained, public within the community and a universal
constituent of foreplay. “Flirty fishing”, then and now,
must be exercised with care: not everyone is susceptible
to positive influence and to accepting that the sexual
revolution has been part and parcel of salvation.

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 V ARIATION : THE P R O T O C O L
FOR N O N - VIRGINS

W
e have discussed the protocol for seduction
where one or both of the parties has never had
sex, oral or vaginal, before. Where the parties
to flirting are experienced—whether they have had sex
with each other or with a different partner or part-
ners—the protocol is more straightforward. There are
nuances that apply in the various permutations, some of
which will be ignored in this discussion, which is in-
tended as a general overview, the basic thrust of this
work being on an adolescent’s “first oral sex experience”.

I our particular environment, where nudity was

common in specific locations (in our own communal
lodgings, at the pool and in the basement recreation
room) there was an obvious difference in approach when
a girl and a boy were already naked when one took a
fancy to the body of the other. Looking at someone for
more than a minute or two without any other obvious
reason is automatically a form of flirting; looking at the
other party’s sex parts is an invitation to accept or reject
an approach: by and large to return the gaze is an accep-
tance, at least conditionally. Smiles, conversation and
sexual arousal, especially tumescence, enter into this in
ways that need not be elaborated here.
At the extreme, sexual encounter may be scripted
according to a communal order. In the 1960s and later,
there existed certain free-sex communes where boys and
girls engaged each other at random, a different partner
every day. For some, it was an element of dogma that

103
paternity of any children born should be communal, un-
certain or unknown. But for us in the 1980s and 1990s
choice, freewill and consent were established rights, and
contraception and safe sex (if “unprotected” by a barrier,
then assured by the closed nature of our society and the
universe of sex partners) assured.
For under-16s there was a distinctly simpler pro-
tocol than for older boys and girls. Young adolescents
tended not to spend much time on kissing on the lips:
they moved quickly to fondling, kissing and exciting
each other’s sex parts. But even a 13-year-old would
know how to display, how to vaunt, penis or breasts: to
develop a relationship from flirt to oral sex in minutes, if
that was their common desire. Or conversation might
endure for hours until an erection, a stroke, a kiss on the
lips moving to a kiss on the clitoris or penis, started a
cycle of oral sex and mutual orgasm. Very often the pace
would be determined by the atmosphere: other couples,
others’ erections, others’ ejaculations; other girls’ desire
and relief and delighted noises. Arousal is contagious.
In the 1960s the commune movement was a re-
jection of parental control and historical and religious
suppression of sexual impulse and desire. For us, free
sex was an affirmation of the sacramental nature of sex
and physical attraction, and of orgasm as divine pres-
ence and reward. There could be no shame, embarrass-
ment or modesty in nudity, arousal or orgasm. Impulse,
attraction, desire were reaffirmed as good and proper;
and we followed our parents into a regime of sex as re-
ligious expression, semen as instrument of Holy Com-
munion.
It is right and proper, and a reflection of human-
ity and Divine Will, that boys and men from the age of
puberty on think of sex much of the time and that

104
women and girls do so, at least in terms of romance if
not of penis and orgasm, if with slightly less frequency.
The freedom that sexual liberation has offered is to do so
with less hypocrisy: to admit that the whole point of so-
cial interaction is the presentation of one’s body, mind
and spirit; and that not a little of this is sexually-
motivated. One has the right to reflect on, to admire, the
sexual attributes of those around one; and one has the
right to display oneself to best advantage. And to flirt
and to take that flirting as far as it naturally may go. All
within the limits of propriety and safe conduct, which
takes us back to Mom’s Friend’s Rules.60

60 Above, p. 1.

105
106
 T HE S TORY OF THE R EST OF Y OUR L I F E

O
ne must not let the experiences of misfits, the so-
cially inept and the emotionally irregular disrupt
the proper conclusions of an examination of how
early sexual activity influences one’s later life. Where an
adolescent freely engages in sex, especially and perhaps
exclusively oral sex, and where that sex is supervised
and advised by peers and perhaps by family as well, it
can only enhance self-confidence and liberate one from
insecurity. Much of adolescence is wasted: instead of
concentrating on study and learning, the fruitless search
for sex partners, or in the absence of that the frustration
of masturbation or, worse, abstinence lead to emotional
disruption.
Romance and passion are natural elements of the
human body and spirit, and as the FLDS and CO G
members came to know, girl and boy are meant to en-
gage in sex from the moment of puberty and physical
awareness. It is a pity when, despite menarche or sper-
marche, a girl or boy with full capacity is denied access;
or else is heaped with obloquy for promiscuity and forni-
cation.
The true beauty of penis and vagina are achieved
only in observed sex: where others, and not just a single
couple, can enjoy vicariously, and can be aroused and
carry on romance in parallel. Ultimately it is the entire
process, from flirting to arousal, from excitement to
ejaculation and girl’s climax, that constitute the beauty
and the meaning of life. One is never too young to appre-
ciate the facts of sex, and from the moment of realization
of capacity—indeed from the moment one accepts that

107
she or he has crossed the line into puberty—one ought to
be free, indeed encouraged, to make love.
This early experience and self-expression inevita-
bly leads to self-satisfaction: satisfaction with oneself
and one’s partners, and to self-positioning in society and
the acquisition of knowledge and basis and criteria for
selection of a life partner. Indeed, although the data are
anecdotal and incomplete, marital stability seems
greater on the part of partners who have, out of early
sexual learning, come to choose their life partners well.
There is a Biblical basis, justification and calling in
relation to sexual intercourse, and as we have seen a vi-
tal divine function for semen. The ultimate purpose of
sexual intercourse is procreation, and we are all obliged
to pair off and reproduce. But in responding to this
command we are rewarded: and our enjoyment of pre-
marital sex is part of our anticipatory reward. It is also a
medium of prayer. This sight of boy and girl in sexual
embrace, the sight of the erect penis ejaculating: these
are holy sights and it is natural that they should be in-
fectious, that in seeing a penis in a girl’s mouth we
should want to see traces of semen, that a girl should
want a penis to kiss, a boy should want his penis kissed.
The hypocrisy of those who would deny this basic truth
is beyond belief.
Those who have benefited from early sexual expe-
riences witness most eloquently in respect of its value
and importance when they encourage their own off-
spring to continue the practice as a tradition. And even
more when they, as Mom’s Friend advocated, advise,
protect and attend their offspring’s first sexual engage-
ments: testimony to the fact of penis approaching and
entering girl as an act of sublime passion, devotion,
duty. Oral sex must be part and parcel of that, the prin-

108
cipal element of foreplay, the assurance to the girl that
she will be given an effective right to pursue orgasm,
and an effective control over the sexual process. For a
young girl to hold a penis, to take it in her mouth, and
for a young boy to put his mouth over a girl’s vagina and
to make her happy: these are sacraments, these are the
highest form of mutual respect, devotion and pleasuring.
And to see and to be seen in the course of orgasm can
only enhance the meaning and loveliness of the event.61

61 It is true that common belief holds that there is som e-

thing grossly indecent about being seen at a time of sexual
arousal, engaged in sexual congress. That for a mother or a
brother to witness, much less encourage, a daughter or sister
to grasp a boy’s penis in a casual, if passionate, encounter and
put it in her mouth, and in due course to find pleasure in its
ejaculation, is somehow outrageous. Indeed it is not, and nei-
ther is it indecent for her to present her vagina, her clitoris, to
the boy and for him to make love to her with tongue and with
penis.

109