THE MODEL UN BIBLE.

Every student that has ever participated in Model United Nations knows that to be successful you
must have poise when speaking, grace when pointing out the stupidity of others, and the vast
knowledge of made up statistics and believable facts. While some onlookers might be fooled into
thinking that certain delegates have knowledge content by their charm and wit, most of us know
that really the only research they did was enough to write a position paper and no more. The
following is a simplified guide on how to be successful in Model UN without compromising your inner
elitist or free time.

Position papers
When your teacher finally decides on which conference to enter your lucky school’s name into, he or
she will most likely come running with your committee assignments and website on which to find
your topic. As we all already hate the busy work put forth to us in regular classes, we are most
certainly not thrilled with the idea of researching and writing a paper about how Turkmenistan feels
about drug trafficking in Latin America. But we do it anyway, with as much help from Wikipedia as
possible (see Wikipedia subtitle for more information). When writing position papers you must know
a few simple rules.
1) Don’t make it too long; no one cares about your country’s background regarding legislation
passed within the past 50 years pertaining to economic stability.
2) Use as many big words as possible; every chair likes to read a paper that has big words found on
the thesaurus part of dictionary.com.
3) Include statistics. Even made up statistics work; do you really think your chair will go look to see if
35% of Zambia’s population has some sort of water borne illness? I don’t think so pal.
4) Reference as many UN based documents as possible, even if they don’t pertain to your topic.
5) When in doubt, throw in an acronym. Everyone loves acronyms, lol.
Once you finish your paper just go and hand it in. Don’t take a second look at it because you’ll
probably see that you have some sort of subject verb disagreement, and no one in the UN cares
about grammar, just take a look at a resolution sometime. Your chairs are college students anyways,
and they’ll probably end up reading your paper while they’re drinking a beer and taking
compromising pictures. (In cases of extreme emergencies when asked to cite sources and you’ve
run out of bullshit websites, go to Wikipedia, type in your topic, and use the links at the bottom of
the page)

Speaking
When at a conference, even if you don’t want to say anything because you have contempt for all
other delegates, you should try to make some form of verbal communication. Some delegates are
more talented than others at converting their everyday Ebonics into a slightly lower form of British
English. However, if you were not blessed with the vocabulary of a Merriam-Webster dictionary do
not fear because it’s easier to fake than the moon landing.
Step one: Be sure to maintain eye contact with the room, pretend it’s a singular being that’s very
attractive and you’re trying to keep their attention. Avoid excess blinking, because people will notice
and comment on it with their friends later.
Step two: Project your voice in a clear and commanding manner, however keep your speech slightly
vague and hard to follow or people may actually start to understand what you’re talking about.
Step three: Write down notes on a piece of paper before you speak. You may think that you have the
memory of a female elephant but when faced with a room full of piercing eyes you tend to forget
your points and start to repeat “Um” continuously. If this happens don’t try to be a hero, jump ship
and yield your time to the chair, you’ll save yourself the embarrassment. (Avoid bringing a large
paper in your hand to the front of the room when speaking. This is because if you get extremely
nervous and your hands shake everyone will smell your fear and attack).
Step four: Avoid using complex metaphors or drawing parallels to pop culture, for this may lead to
humorous mishaps and confusion. Ex: “Your resolution is like the Titanic. It’s long and pretty, but in
the end it will sink”
Step five: Don’t be afraid to call out countries by name if you’re working with them. It makes them
feel good on the inside, and then hopefully they’ll reciprocate the favor when they speak.
The Golden Rule of Speaking: Confidence will lead your flock to water. Even if you have no clue
whether or not Slovenia supports NATO you should still make up a position and try to convince as
many people as possible you’re right. It’s like a race to convert followers to your credo, the one that
stands above all and speaks with confidence and an air of knowledge will convince the meek of their
righteousness.
Lastly in speaking emergencies, like not paying attention to the speakers list and your name is
called, do not fear. Walk calmly to the front of the room and suavely congratulate the committee on
all the hard work they have accomplished. Everyone likes compliments. Also try to throw in the word
consensus, it makes it sound like everyone is agreeing and choking on your diplomacy.

Parliamentary Procedure
Whether you are a well-seasoned model UN veteran or are relatively new to the exciting field of
amateur foreign policy making, you must grasp a fundamental knowledge of the unrewarding art of
parliamentary procedure.
*Note* unlike in speechmaking or position-paper writing where it is perfectly acceptable to fabricate
the seven major exports of Tajikistan, bullshitting the rules of procedure will not only ostracize you
from the rest of the model UN herd, but it will also lead to a form of severe condemnation known as
“chair glare” – the most unpleasant of countenances.
In the event you are unfamiliar with what the hell is going on, do not fret, for it is likely that at least
3 out of 4 of the delegations in the room are just as befuddled as you are. Just stop right there! Do
not let anyone know that you have no idea what is going on! Just follow the advice laid out in this
helpful guide. Essentially the rules can be divided into three distinct categories: Points, Motions, and
Complicated Voting Procedures (which are technically motions, but only used during voting).
Points are the most fundamental and basic of the three. There are two and only two points that you
should ever wish to raise in formal debate and they are: POINT OF INQUIRY, and POINT OF
PERSONAL PRIVLEDGE.
A point of parliamentary inquiry is simply an admission that you aren’t worth a shit and you should
probably just leave. This point is reserved for those who are:
a. too dumb to read the rules provided in the background guide;
b. too dumb to understand the rules provided in the background guide; or
c. model un virgins.
In any case you should not want to be placed in any of these categories and should refrain from
raising this point at all cost. If you must address the chair for a question about working papers,
resolutions, or anything substantive see him/her during an unmoderated caucus (see the section on
addressing the chair).
A point of personal privilege is however a completely legitimate point to rise in two and only two
instances:
a. you cannot hear the speaker
b. the room’s climate is not situated to your liking
*Note* It is never all right to motion to “go to the bathroom”; this will lead to the death of a kitten if
said aloud.
Motions are the most important to know of the three and are by far the most useful. There are a
wide variety of motions which you can make during formal debate (not including voting procedure).
However, for this guide I shall organize them into: CAUCUS MOTIONS and NON-CAUCUS MOTIONS.
*Note* At no point in time is it ever acceptable to “motion to define ___” if you do not know a word.
Making this motion will cause seventeen Vietnamese monks to commit suicide by lighting
themselves on fire.
There are two types of caucus (pronounced cock-iss, and yes it does sound like a synonym for penis)
- the unmoderated and moderated varieties. In general most delegates prefer to work in
unmoderated caucuses either due to an innate herd mentality to clump in groups, to meet a
potential spouse, or to discuss positions on the topic and form a “working paper”

*note* be wary of the first two groups if you are trying for an award, otherwise it is perfectly
acceptable to indulge in awkward company of dozens of Model UN nerds.

The UNMODERATED CAUCUS can be an invaluable tool towards molding the entire room into a
sweatshop of minions out to do your bidding; therefore it must be used wisely. Never sit down
during an unmoderated caucus; at the very least you will be able to get a couple phone numbers
from that one school that sits in the back and reads prom magazines.
When you wish to “motion for an unmoderated caucus” you must give a reasonable amount of time
(usually 5-20 minutes, increased in 5 minute increments) and it will then be put to a vote. It is
generally acceptable practice to wait at least three to five speakers before using this motion
successively if no productive work is being done, observing this custom will cause the chair to smile
favorably upon you.

The MODERATED CAUCUS is usually only favored by those delegates residing in the first couple rows
of the committee room (watch out for them) and of course the chair. This motion requires that you
suggest a time limit.
*Note* the time limit is strictly 5 minutes or 10 minutes unless otherwise noted by the chair, with a
speaking time of 30 sec. 45 sec. or 1 min., DO NOT motion for anything consisting of something
other than the numbers described here, that will not only be met with pejorative chuckles by the
more experienced delegates but it will also warrant an stint of chair glare.
Once this motion passes, the chair will “recognize speakers”; if you are gunning for the top award in
committee, (as you should always be) a moderated caucus is the perfect avenue for you to practice
your speaking skills (see guide on speaking). My advice to you is to never lay your placard down;
you are either speaking or raising your placard- even if you have nothing to say when you speak.
This way the committee will come to recognize your country’s name and associate it with unearned
respect and depth of knowledge.
The other category of motions, NON-CAUCUS MOTIONS, consists of a wide array of subtle and
obscure manipulations to show off your incredible knowledge of the rules to the chair. A right of
reply motion (if you feel a speech has dreadfully offended the sovereignty of your nation) must be
submitted in writing to the chair, and if approved, read aloud to the committee.
There also exists a rare and mysterious motion, a motion to overrule a chair’s decision and it’s ugly
step-sister the motion to censure another delegation, these motions, much like the pokemon
mewtwo, are very powerful but can only be captured with a master ball.
Then of course there are the cherries on the model un cake: the motion to close debate (as in let’s
start voting), the motion to table the topic (as in I’m tired of talking about this, let’s move on), the
motion to suspend the meeting (as in let’s go to lunch), and the motion to adjourn (as in let’s go
home). Do not motion to adjourn or suspend, even when the chair asks, this is an opportunity the
lesser ¾ of the committee relishes and thrives on, do not deprive them the joy. However, if your
resolution is on the floor and you happen to feel debate is not moving as productively as it should, a
motion to close debate (and subsequently move into voting, thereby shutting down every working
paper not introduced thus far) is perfectly in order.
*Note* A motion to close debate must be used with extreme caution, because it is kind of like a
beating a bag of angry cats; if there are too many angry cats in the bag, they will most definitely
remember and come back to bite you later. Also if yours is the only resolution on the floor and the
chair sees through your foxy tricks, a mighty serving of chair glare just might be sent your way.

The final category of rules is COMPLICATED VOTING PROCEDURES. Truly one must experience voting
first hand to fully understand the nuances. However, there are several motions which you should be
familiar with beforehand.
*Note* If you do not motion anything super easy normal voting conditions will commence. These are
favorable and extremely straightforward. The chair will put forth the resolutions in the order in which
they were introduced to the floor (ie. 2.1…2.2….2.3…) then the chair will call for all those in favor,
all those opposed and all abstentions. You then hold up your placard for whichever one you decide.
Then after votes are tallied the resolutions fate is decided.
MOTION FOR A ROLL CALL VOTE – this is pretty self explanatory. If motioned at most conferences it
means that without anyone else’s input, the resolution in question will be voted on in alphabetical
order. When your country is called, you have usually four sometimes six choices: Yes, No, Abstain,
Pass (these are the normal ones) and then Yes with rights, and No with rights (these usually are
reserved for the sponsor of the resolution voting NO and wishing to explain their vote, or someone
who voted Yes and just wanted additional speaking time). If you said you are “present and voting”
during the initial roll-call at the beginning of committee, then you may not vote abstain. If you
decide to “Pass” your vote until your country’s name comes up a second time, you may not abstain.
A school from Florida will always motion for this, and there is nothing you can do about it. A fun way
to pass the time during a roll-call vote is to make a T-chart of YES/NO/ABSTAIN and tally the votes.
*Note* In my experience roughly 4 out of 5 resolutions end in a roll call vote. This may be due to an
innate instinct to be annoying present in almost all teenage males (seconded by Brielle).
MOTION TO ADOPT BY ACCLAMATION – this motion is not applicable at all conferences, but it is
worth a try (ask the chair beforehand if they accept this motion if you’re not sure). Basically you
motion to adopt the resolution by acclamation (everyone agrees on it) and the chair will call for
“opposition”, if only one person raises their placard the motion fails and the resolution proceeds
directly into a roll-call vote. However, if you are lucky enough that everyone keeps their placards
down, and then the resolution is automatically adopted without a vote due to the overwhelming
support…(supposedly). This can be an extremely helpful tool when the room is full of new kids who
have never heard of this motion before, at all costs do not allow the chair to explain it! It is to your
advantage to keep everyone ignorant about this motion.

MOTION TO DIVIDE THE QUESTION – basically this motion is a bitch slap. Period the end. Usually the
only time it succeeds is when a resolution seems to be good until a particular clause which didn’t get
amended either goes against your State’s interests or sounds utterly stupid. In this case you would
motion to divide the question on clause(s) _____. The body would then vote on whether or not they
should divide the question (two for and two against) and then they vote again on whether or not
they want to divide out the clause and vote on in separately from the original resolution. If this
explanation seems extremely hard to follow, it’s because the motion to divide the question is the
single hardest rule in Model UN. You will not understand it until it is breathing down your neck with
its strong talons grasping your throat. I highly recommend you don’t even consider messing with it
until you see it in committee and feel you can draw a flowchart detailing its complexities. It can be
an extremely useful tool under the right conditions to assert your authority in committee, yet like a
tether ball it can bounce right back and hit you in the gonads. (ie. USA in GA Plen at GSUMUN 2008
divided the question on every clause in a twelve clause resolution, every time the motion got shot
down; subsequently everybody became so tired of voting procedure that the resolution ended up
passing with an overwhelming majority)
*While this guide on rules is in no way complete and should never substitute the rules of procedures
listed on the specific conference’s website, it should provide you with enough insight and knowledge
to hold your own against any school that tries to bully you with parliamentary procedure, such as a
school from Florida.

Wikipedia (Research)
Wikipedia is a gift delivered from the gods. It was brought down by Prometheus (along with fire, but
clearly Wikipedia has been more useful) from atop Mount Olympus. Some teachers might tell you
that this isn’t a credible source, but what do teachers really know when compared to the vast
knowledge of Wikipedia? Don’t be afraid to just summarize the things that Wikipedia tells you, it’s
the best compiled information out there, but DO NOT under any circumstances cite Wikipedia as
your source. For some reason the modern world of scholars refuses to allow Wikipedia into their
realm of respectability. Wikipedia realizes this as well, which is why they put those handy dandy
sources at the bottom of their page! Just go and use those, that’s what they’re there for. Don’t be
afraid to use the UN’s website as well, they have great documents you can just throw in your paper
when things start to get boring. And don’t worry too much about whether or not you have enough
research, because really it’s not about how much research you have, but about how well you can
use the research you have. One solid fact and a few generalizations will usually get the job done.

Caucusing
Any seasoned “Caucuser “knows that to be considered successful you must have at any given
moment at least three people forming a circle around you as the center and listening intently as you
voice your obviously more important opinion. Some go-getters out there might try to put their two
cents in, but just side step those suckers and don’t let them continue past the phrase “Well I
think…” Sometimes you might find yourself in a room bursting with competition and egos the size of
male African Elephants. Do not be intimidated, when you so decide to motion for that gem of an
unmoderated caucus and it passes, stand confidently upon your chair (if need be) and scream this
simple formula: “All those that think (insert idea or position here), please come over here”. Even if
you only attract a few stragglers, your chairs will be sure to duly note your obnoxious yelling. Once
you get past the annoying stages of your first few unmoderated caucuses of the session you can
really start to make some progress by finding someone to designate your “resolution writing bitch”.
This person must be passive, quiet, have a working knowledge of the English language, and take
orders. They aren’t usually hard to find, but you must keep them appeased by asking them at
regular intervals “what do you think?” as if you really care. Then proceed to feed them all the points
that you would like contained within your resolution and then leave them with some of your cronies
to make sure they get the job done. This leaves you open to talk on the floor and build support for
your cause, you couldn’t do this if you were busy trying to write some ridiculously long sentence that
really doesn’t accomplish anything. One word of caution, make sure you read the draft resolution
before submitting it to your chair. Sometimes your “bitch” doesn’t do such an exemplary job, and
since you’re the face of that resolution you don’t want your good name tainted in front of the face of
the chair. But before I cut this section off I must bring up the issue of Moderated Caucuses. These
can be either fun or completely annoying depending on the personality of your chair. Moderated
caucuses can turn into a hotbed of segregated arguments, and the last word all depends upon who
your chair picks to be the last speaker. Sometimes these arguments can get rather petty, and even
if you feel like you are above this meaningless bickering you can always add some useless bit of
information and gracefully motion the committee back to the task at hand. I’d give a standing
ovation to that.

Western Business Attire

What does Western Business attire mean? Does it mean a suit? A wife beater under a blazer? Dress
pants and a semi formal shirt? Well yes, yes, and yes. Generally speaking the males should wear a
tie and a button up shirt, but if you’re really looking to impress your chairs, throw on a blazer or an
argyle sweater! It just bumps up your status of professionalism and elitism. Girls sometimes come
into much more misguided mishaps. While the strappy heels you wore to prom might look good on
your party bus’s stripper pole, I guarantee you that they aren’t going to look as good under a
business skirt or a pair of slacks. Some females also find it necessary to have their shirts unbuttoned
to the point of where other females can’t even help but check out their cleavage when they’re
speaking. While of course everyone likes cleavage, there is a professional amount to have (Usually
the fourth button up is where it should start). And then there is always the one person on your Model
UN team that shows up wearing sneakers with their dress suit. While your shoes might be
considered of western culture origin, they are not western business attire. The Russians do business
with Vodka; the West does business with dress shoes.
Note passing
One of the best parts of Model UN is the unbridled note passing that is allowed to take place in
committee. While you on occasion may have a serious note asking you what your stance is on a
particular topic, we all know the juiciest notes are the ones coming from “Dr. Congo”. Some chairs
might not care whether or not there’s a whole underground note system that really revolves around
dirty jokes and insults, but there are those that stop the whole process by monitoring notes when
they get a whiff of “If you’re as long as this speakers list, meet me in the…”. If this happens to you
in committee and you just can’t wait for an unmoderated caucus to tell Namibia your steamy
feelings for them, then just ask your fellow delegates to discreetly pass your note across the room.
Discreetly is always the best policy. Also if you feel the need to tell France that they need to get off
their ignorant western power high horse, then write your feelings down in a note, write a country
that isn’t in your committee as the sender (Like San Marino or the Maldives), and hand it to the
page. Oh boy will France be confused when they look around for someone to scowl at and they find
that San Marino isn’t even in the room.