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Signs of Porn Addiction

How can you know if you or someone you know is addicted to porn? Sometimes it is obvious
but most of the time it is not. Some signs and symptoms seem like the usual personality
imperfections. So I have put together a list of the usually suspects concerning signs of porn
addiction.

1. Are you distant in your relationships with other? Try to avoid interaction or affection?

2. Are you easily provoked, meaning you get offended or angry easily?

3. Do you or the person of concern seem opposite of the norm, almost like a totally different
personality

4. Are you on the Internet far too long? This may sound extreme but there are few reasons to
be on the Internet all day and night.

5. Do you find it difficult to be happy or content in any circumstance?

Some of these signs of porn addiction may sound like personality disorders, that’s because
when a person is not in control of a major aspect of their life then they are not in control of
their character or personality. Control of personality comes with self mastery.

Top Ten Books That Helped me Overcome

Addiction
I’ve read a lot of self-help books. In desperation to understand my addictions and figure out
how to stop I searched for the perfect book that would fix everything for me. I thought I could
find the book that would tell me the secret and everything would quickly be all better. Well,
though I did gain much essential knowledge, it turns out there was no secret but only
knowledge I had forgotten or had never learned. I am very glad I did read all those books. On
the journey to recovery I felt like I was devinely led to certain books written by inspired
authors. Here is a list of the 10 best books I read.

1. “Book of Mormon” – Without exception, this book gave me more hope and strength and
understanding than any other book. You certainly don’t have to be Mormon to read the Book
of Mormon.

2. ” The Drug of the New Millennium–The Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use”
– The Science of How Internet Pornography Radically Alters the Human Brain and Body.
Author: Mark B. Kastleman. Best book I’ve read explaining every detail of how pornography
addiction is created in a person.

3. “Wanting More: Challenge of Enjoyment in the Age of Addiction” – Written by Mark

Chamberlain, this book really helped me understand the dangers of desensitization and how
pornography is effecting our society as a whole.

4. “The Power of Positive Thinking” – By Norman Vincent Peale. It showed me there really
was power in positive thinking. I gained a great faith and understanding of my personal
powers through the principles in this book.

5. “Unlimited Power” – By Anthony Robbins. The main thing I took away from this book was
specific techniques used to change my thoughts and emotions. If this is a skill you are lacking
then this may be the book for you.

6. “Lessons in Mastery” – Also by Anthony Robbins. This concentrated more on controlling

emotions and attitude but it was similar to the principles taught in “Unlimited Power”. I
would recommend this one on CD

7. “Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Your Dreams, 10th Anniversary Special Edition” –
This book is full of goal setting tips and inspiring stories that will motivate you to realize any
goal in life.

8. Toolstolife.com – Developed by Devlyn Steele. This is not a book but it contains enough
content to be a book. This is a day by day program to set goals and overcome bad habits. I
would highly recommend it to anyone with any bad habit.

9. “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage” – By Colleen Harrison. This is a book modeled after
the original 12 step program but with Book of Mormon principles.

10. “Conquering Your Own Goliaths” – By Steven A. Cramer. Teaches how to conquer the
goliath of addiction just as David conquered Goliath in Biblical times. Great Book!!

The Good and the Bad About Sexual Addict

12 Step Programs
Sometimes, if a person is struggling enough, attending a Sexual Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
meeting or 12 step meeting is necessary. I myself attended several out of a strong desire to
overcome and frustration in not knowing what else to do. I attended non-denominational and
denomination specific programs. I personally had mixed results. I found both positive and
negative aspects of these programs. Nevertheless I would recommend these programs to
anyone trying to overcome any sexual addiction such as porn addiction or masturbation.

The Good

One of the main benefits of the 12 step meetings I found was the feeling of “I’m not alone or
the only one with this problem.” This was quite a relief to me as not many people are open
about whether they have these problems or not.

The other benefit I found was the act of confession. Without going into too much detail
everyone gets their turn to uncover their secrets. This feels great because part of what fuels
addiction is secrecy. It was quite a relief and felt like I was getting a heavy weight off my
shoulders.

I found people very willing to befriend and help me in the denominational group. I felt like I
always had someone to talk to who would know exactly what I was going through.

The final benefit I got from these meetings was accountability. I knew if I made a mistake I
would have to report it to the group the next time I went in. They had these colored chips that
were given to people for abstaining for certain lengths of time, the minimum chip being a one
month chip.

The Bad

The bad things are what made me stop going to these meetings. Keep in mind these are just
my opinions and you won’t necessarily feel the same. The other reason I stopped going could
have been because of distance and laziness but those are not very good excuses.

The number one negative thing I found with these meetings was the labels. Every meeting
begins with every person stating their name and then stating they are an addict. For example,
“My name is Joe and I am a porn addict.” First of all, this just didn’t feel right to say in front
of all those people. Second of all, yes I may be struggling with porn but repeating that phrase
certainly doesn’t give me hope of being something better. I agree with admitting problems but
not labeling myself as a porn addict every meeting. This just doesn’t help my identity or self-
esteem.

The second thing was the confession. Though it felt good to get it all out, it also felt bad
telling that many people about something private that was in no way injurious to them
personally. I am under the belief that confession should only be unto those who have been
harmed. Besides, some of these meetings were coed and that just felt even more weird.

The third problem was some people were giving too much detail when it was their turn to
confess. I found this to be a trigger for addiction rather than helpful. In the beginning of the
meeting people are told not to be too descriptive but inevitably people slip up. That doesn’t
make the whole program bad but I didn’t like it.
The last thing I had difficultly with was there seemed to be no exit strategy. It seemed to me
that I was almost expected to attend these meetings for an undefined amount of time if I
expected to remain sober. There was one guy, while being a great strength to the group, who
was sober for almost two years I think and was still attending these meetings. However, while
I was attending, he had a relapse. I couldn’t help but wonder if his continual attendance,
despite his success, had caused this relapse. I believe that when a person gets to a point where
they are sober and confident for say a couple months then they need to move on and live their
life instead of continually dwelling on the worry that they may slip up again. Part of the
problem with addiction is thinking too much about addiction.

Conclusion

All that being said I really think that these 12 step sexual addiction meetings are great for
people who are just beginning the process of overcoming their addiction. I also think that after
you begin to feel confident enough to work without the group then you should move on.
However, every person is different and if you feel like you really need to stay in the group
longer then of course that is your decision. These programs are a great option and resource for
those struggling. Just be careful and make sure it is actually helping and not making things
worse. All these programs are not created equal and you may have to try a few different ones
until you find one you are comfortable with.

Protecting Yourself From All Sources of

Porn
I don’t feel a strong need to seek out porn like I did before. I do however need to get a
different phone as I forgot that stuff is accessible on it as well and slipped up. It’s a
Blackberry and I talked to Verizon and they said there is no way to filter the internet on the
Blackberry. Their content filter works on other phone models though so I will get a different
one.

Anyway I was thinking over the weekend about an interesting paradox. When we subscribe to
cable TV we usually subscribe to certain channels and leave out the bad ones. Of course we
do this because it would be silly to have bad channels easily accessible on TV for no reason.
However, even though the internet is also like the TV, we treat it very differently. We don’t
subscribe to certain websites(channels) but instead we get the entire internet then it is our job
to try and block all the channels(websites) in our homes. All the while porn sites and
companies make it more and more impossible to block all of them. See the paradox in how we
treat TV and Internet so differently even though they are basically the same thing when it
comes to entertainment? So we should all be protecting ourselves from the bad stuff on the
internet, not just those addicted to porn. This is also true with phones these days since it sits
around in our homes and can easily access any material.

I no longer feel so weak that I want to go out and seek porn outside the home like before.
Now I feel like protective measures at home are enough. However, porn is like alcohol, if I
had a bottle of alcohol in my refrigerator right now then I would eventually give in and drink
it. So people who are recovering cannot have porn easily accessible on the TV, the Internet, or
even their phones, especially during the post acute withdrawal symptoms, which can last for
several months or more.
**Update**

Good news by the way. I was very frustrated last weekend because I couldn’t get an internet
filter working on my Blackberry phone. As it turns out Blackberry does not support any
filtering. So I went and bought a new phone yesterday, a Google Andriod phone. The Verizon
content filter worked on it but it was all or nothing. In other words it filters everything good
with the strict settings and the other settings let too much through. Anyway, I was mad
because I bought an expensive phone thinking it was going to be safe. So I searched around
and finally found a way to make the phone safe. I found a monitoring program that works
similar to covenanteyes but it also works on Andriod phones. It is here:
http://x3watch.com/x3watchandroid.html

Anyway, there is no way to make a Blackberry safe. Andriods and Iphones can use the
program I mentioned above.

This frustrating effort to protect myself from all sources of bad media has led me to a
conclusion. People who are struggling with bad media should not be surfing the internet in
privacy. 1. Even if they have a filter, in a moment of weakness they will find a way around it.
2. Relapse ends up being much longer than it should since an accountability partner would
have helped the person stand back up and try again instead of secretly binging and getting
more discouraged and weak.

So a filter coupled with some type of monitoring that emails a partner your browsing activities
should do the trick.

Using a Counterintuitive Approach to

Overcome Porn Addiction
Don’t Lock Horns with the Devil
Mark Chamberlain, Ph.D.

Kevin thought he was addicted to pornography. “I must be. I’ve tried so hard to stop. I’ve
worked for the last five years at it, and yet I still can’t kick the habit completely.” When I
talked to him about his approach, it sounded like he was doing almost everything right. He
had opened up to his family about the problem and would talk to them about lapses. He had
sought the help of his bishop and met with him regularly. He was participating in the
Church’s addiction recovery program and regularly attended their 12-step group meetings. He
maintained a habit of regular prayer and scripture study.
It sounded to me like Kevin was doing everything right except for one thing: he was still in
the habit of locking horns with the devil. Terry Warner said, “Satan does not need to
overpower us in order to win the war. He only needs to get us to adopt his way of fighting it.”
On a typical day, Kevin might be going through his routine, doing well and feeling good.
However, if temptation hit, he’d start to brace himself, focus real hard on doing well, and
redouble his efforts to avoid a problem. Sometimes his approach “worked” and he avoided
giving in that day. Too often, despite all the effort and energy he exerted, he failed. Sure, he
may fight for a while. But later that day or sometime the next day—occasionally his fight
lasted several days—Kevin almost always eventually gave in once an intense battle got going.
I shared with Kevin my opinion: that it was not the initial trigger, not the temptation itself, but
his way of dealing with it, that was the beginning of his downfall. So what, exactly, is the
problem with fighting temptation with all our might, as we may feel compelled to do when a
strong urge or craving hits? To answer that question, let’s consider our reaction on four
dimensions:

• Attitude: When we fight temptation, we do so with a sense of urgency. This certainly makes
sense: it’s a threat to our spirituality, our sense of confidence and well-being, and perhaps
even our success in life. The problem couldn’t be much more important than it is.

• Body: When we brace against temptation, our bodies react by tensing up. We become
physiologically aroused in order to deal with the threat. We’re on alert and ready to “fight or
flee.”

• Mind: Our consciousness narrows and we become very focused—sometimes even fixated.
Mentally we know what the problem is and know that it’s a challenge we haven’t yet figured
out how to overcome. Our mind is primed and ready to devote significant mental voltage to
the threat.

• Behavior: We feel driven to take action against temptation. We feel like we “can’t” give in
and “have to” resist urges. We vacillate between that and feeling like we “have to” give in and
“can’t” resist anymore.

In the 121st section of The Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord describes two different
approaches to the exercise of power and influence. The Lord labels the first “unrighteous
dominion.” It is characterized by the attempt to exert control by way of dominion or
compulsion (v. 37). In our efforts to get what we want from other people, every one of us has
at least experimented with this approach. I can tell you from experience, we never become
more influential by being coercive. Of course, it may work great for getting our way in the
moment, but people end up resenting our pushiness. Any influence we have evaporates once
we walk out of the room.

Whenever I get pushy—whether it’s with my kids, with another driver on the road, or with a
customer service representative on the telephone—I end up feeling less powerful. Not only
that, I end up being less powerful. People simply do not respond well to coercion. Instead of
cooperating, quite often they rebel. The driver I tailgate slows down. If I tell my three-year-
old, “You can’t watch TV any more, you have to go to bed,” I’ll be peeling little fingers off
stair railings and door frames all the way up to his bedroom.

As human beings, everything inside of us yearns to remain free and stay in charge of our own
lives. David O. McKay has said that “next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that
life is God’s greatest gift to man” (Gospel Ideals, 1993, p. 299). Even if the driver in front of
me doesn’t believe in God, even though my three-year-old doesn’t understand the Plan of
Salvation, they, like all of us, instinctively value their agency and will fight fiercely to retain
it. Every one of us is determined to maintain independence, especially if we sense that
someone is trying to force us to do something.
If a coercive approach fails miserably when it comes to influencing other people, perhaps we
shouldn’t be surprised that things don’t go well when we adopt it in an attempt to change our
own behavior. If our Father in Heaven wouldn’t allow Satan to tell us we can’t sin and have to
obey, do we really believe that he might bless our efforts when we adopt to the same
mentality or methods on ourselves?

Fortunately, there is a second form of influence described in D&C 121. It’s quite unlike
unrighteous dominion both in terms of the way it operates and the effect it has. It is
characterized by persuasion, long suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness,
pure knowledge (which is described as “greatly enlarging the soul”), and a lack of hypocrisy
or guile (vv. 41-42).

I’m reminded of this gentle, easygoing approach when I talk with those who have established
a solid, long-term recovery from a formerly compulsive behavior. When I talk with people
who are two years, five years, or twelve years beyond their last relapse, not one has ever said,
“I still fight the same battle every day, it’s just that now I always win.” Instead they say, “It’s
hardly a struggle at all anymore.”

Consider the way they approach the problem across the four dimensions we introduced
earlier:

• Attitude: These folks exhibit an easygoing mentality and are not easily perturbed by
temptation. The problem remains an important one to them, but less urgent: they know that
it’s not one they can annihilate “once and for all” with sudden efforts of Herculean
proportions.

• Body: Physiologically they stay calm and relaxed. They stay in a mode they can maintain
over the long haul, not one in which their efforts will of necessity diminish over time as a
result of depletion and burn-out.

• Mind: They remain perceptive and observant. They’re big-picture-oriented. They’re not as
vigilant against temptation itself, but remain on-the-lookout for its precursors. By remaining
observant over time they have learned what puts them at risk and they keep trying to respond
to those concerns in a proactive way. They reach out when they’re struggling or in-need so
that their emotions don’t build to the point that they fuel self-defeating urges.

• Behavior: They don’t “have to” do anything—they remain free. They keep choosing their
response, rather than giving in or fighting based on which compulsion is strongest at the time.
If one response doesn’t take them in the direction they want, they’re free to change course.
They keep experimenting until they find what works.

If you’ve been in the habit of fighting temptation and forcefully trying to keep yourself on
track, how can you switch over to this other, more relaxed and effective approach?
Change Your Attitude: Next time temptation hits, adopt a more easygoing mentality. Don’t
think, “Oh no, here we go again! I’m never going to be free of this!” Instead, Remember what
the apostle Paul said: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man” (1
Corinthians 10:13). In fact, instead of “Oh no!” think to yourself, “Oh, good! Now I have the
chance to practice a different way of approaching this problem.” The more chances you get to
practice, the better you’ll get at doing things differently. Plus, something else happens when
you think, “Oh, good!” The devil is, by nature, contrary and oppositional. Once you, like a
Judo master, start to use the force behind his blows against him, he will probably pick fewer
fights with you.

Relax Your Body: Take a few nice, full breaths. This helps relax the body and ease it down
from a hyperaroused state. Instead of bracing yourself against temptation, loosen up.
Oxygenate your brain and body so that you can approach the problem with all of your usual
resourcefulness and intelligence still intact.

Open Your Mind: Broaden your attention. Don’t fixate and obsess. Encourage your mind to
maintain objectivity by turning your attention to something concrete like a sight, sound, or
touch. I encourage clients to alternate this kind of noticing with the breathing just mentioned.
“Breathing and noticing” three or four times in a row can help the mind free itself. For
instance: Take a nice, full breath and notice: “There’s a poplar tree way down the street.”
Focus intently on it for a moment. Then breathe again and notice: “There’s the sound of a car
engine.” Hold that focus…. Breathe and notice: “There’s the hard sidewalk beneath my feet.”
Feel it. Feel it. Feel it with each step. As simple as this technique sounds, it can help us stay
rooted in reality here-and-now, where we can see more of our options.

Choose Your Behavior: With more of our options in view, we’re prepared to take action, and
to do so in different ways than we have been in the habit of doing. Whenever we refuse to do
what it feels like we “have to” and choose our response instead, we exercise our freedom in a
powerful way. Even if the behavior we choose this time doesn’t end up taking us where we
want to go, at least it was different than the well beaten trails we’re in the habit of treading.
We can always choose a second new path next time, and a third after that, until we find one
that does work better than our usual.

Kevin knew that “trying harder” had never worked for him over the long haul, so he was
excited to try something different. He went home from our first session with a resolution
unlike the dozens of others he had made in the past. He was ready to practice a new way.
Here’s what he reported when he came back the following week:

“I was determined to think, ‘Oh, good!’ when I was tempted and then to practice breathing,
noticing, and experimenting. However, I really didn’t think I’d be able to do it every time I
was tempted. After all, it had seemed to me that some days were filled to overflowing with
sexual triggers and urges and cravings. It seemed to me that if I really tried to do it every time
temptation hit, some days would be consumed by this new little ordeal.

“However, once I was on the lookout for temptation in a good way, prepared to practice my
new skills, I was surprised that the topic of sex seemed to rear its head less and less. Even
when it did, sometimes I’d check in with myself to see if I was tempted only to discover that I
wasn’t. Now that I was prepared to cope with it and eager to take it in a better direction, those
triggers seemed less threatening. The emotional charge of many of my everyday triggers
seemed to be neutralized.

“But then, Thursday night, I came face-to-face with a real test. I had played basketball until
late, and once I finally got home everything was dark and quiet. As I started down the stairs, I
got panicky: ‘I’m headed down to shower. It’s late at night. Oh, no! This has often been a
problem for me in the past! I’m headed right into the lion’s den. I could so easily have a
problem while I’m showering. All of the progress I’ve made would be washed away. Three
weeks of success would be down the drain. Then the countdown for turning in my mission
papers would have to start over again. This could be disastrous. It’s so important! I need to
focus real hard on staying clean and redouble my efforts right now!’

“Then I caught myself. ‘Hold on a minute. That’s my reflex, but I can do it differently. I don’t
have to lock horns with the devil. In fact, I can look at this as a good thing—an opportunity.
Yes, I’ll go back to my fire drill: “Oh, good—another great chance. Let me breathe… and
notice the texture on the sloped ceiling in front of me as I walk down the stairs. Breathe… and
notice the feeling of the banister in my hand all the way down. Breathe… and notice the
musty smell of the basement. Experiment… Experiment… What could I do differently?’ I
was pondering that as I grabbed onto the doorknob of the bathroom door. That was when it hit
me: I always lock the bathroom door when I shower, but I don’t ‘have to.’ I am free to leave
the door unlocked. It was late at night. Most of my family was asleep. There was very little
chance that any of them would even come downstairs, and almost no chance that they would
walk in on me when I was showering. Still, if I left the door unlocked, it seemed to me at that
moment that there was no way I was going to masturbate in the shower.”

At that point, I didn’t need to hear anymore. I didn’t cut him off—we continued that session
and continued for several more after that as well. Nonetheless, there was something defining
about that moment. I hadn’t even heard whether Kevin’s experiment (leaving the bathroom
door unlocked) had worked (it turns out that it did). It’s just that I’d seen enough clients like
Kevin to know how this was going to go. Even if that experiment had failed, Kevin was
succeeding. He had not yet succeeded in completely overcoming his sexual struggles, but he
was successfully changing the way he approached them. He was adopting a new, easygoing
attitude. He was learning to relax instead of bracing against temptation. He’d been able to see,
even in the heat of the moment, that he had options besides the two he’d always fixated on
before: fighting and succumbing to temptation. He’d taken one of those options and acted on
it. I knew that as time went on and he continued to exercise his freedom along all four
dimensions, Kevin would overcome his problem. He’d keep relaxing and exploring and
experimenting in a more easygoing way until he kicked his destructive habit once and for all.

How to Stop Looking at Porn on the

Computer
If you feel like you absolutely must use the computer but are trying to stay away from porn
then there are several things you can do. First off, please understand that there is no full proof
100% way to make your computer safe from the temptation of porn. There are several
deterrents that, depending on your level of addiction, could be enough to do just that, deter
you from looking at porn. Even when you have been free from looking at porn for awhile you
still need to make your computer safe, for in your pride you’ll think you’re strong enough
until your mental armor wears thin and you give into the temptation again. So here are some
tips.

1. My number one recommendation would be to get an internet filter with an accountability

feature. Out of all the programs out there I would recommend a program called Covenant
Eyes. Don’t let the name confuse you, this is simple a robust internet filter with monitoring
and reporting capability. The big deterrent is that you have an accountability partner who
receives a weekly report showing all the web sites you have visited. This software also
notifies your accountability partner when you uninstall the software. This can really curb a
porn addiction.

2. If you have administrator rights on the computer then it might be a good idea to have a
more restricted account. For example, my wife has the password to the administrator account
and I have a restricted account. This just means I can’t add or remove programs such as the
monitoring software.

3. If you don’t like having a restricted account then you could just share half of the password
with someone for the administrator account so you’re only on the web when someone is
around.

4. All this physical restrictions are great ideas but it would also be a good idea to just set some
realistic personal boundaries you know you could live by. For example, deciding not to be on
the internet after 9pm. This helps in a couple of ways. First, the more tired you are the more
weaker you feel and the more likely you are to give into the temptation of porn. So you could
decide to only spend so many hours on the web a day, or only be on the web when someone is
around or when you’re in a public place like a book store. Any personal boundaries you think
might help are great. They are personal and yours so don’t let what others say or think about
them bother you.

5. Lastly, if you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work and you continue to look at
porn then it may be time to make a big sacrifice for the sake of saving your character from
eventual complete deterioration. You may have to get rid of the internet all together or restrict
access to very  limited occasions. This is certainly not easy in today’s world and that would be
a well thought out decision. Just remember, nothing is more important than self-mastery and it
takes a lot of strength to make tough decisions like this.

Don’t Get Angry at Your Weaknesses

Let’s get something straight, we all have weaknesses. So why do we get mad at our
weaknesses? I used to get irritated any time I felt vulnerable to temptation. I worked so hard
to control my thoughts that I was trying to be something other than human. Human beings
have feelings and weaknesses. I was wrong in my thought that so long as I had weaknesses I
was doing bad. I really had to change the way I looked at things before I could appreciate
feelings and urges of the body.

Over time I have learned that the body is a wonderful creation and brings much joy and
happiness when used properly. Misusing it can bring misery. When I was struggling with
pornography and other addictions I really didn’t understand this. I just wanted to stop having
feelings. I really thought the solution would be some type of drug that would just take sexual
urges away. I did a lot of research in this area and learned a lot about the body. I even tried a
few herbs to see if I could curb my sex drive. Well, there were noticeable effects but I also
had the side effect of depression. I could see that interfering with the body’s reward system
certainly had negative side effects.

Today I don’t try to avoid or get angry at the urges of the body. In fact, if I see a beautiful
woman walking down the street and it makes me feel good I just say to myself, “That’s great,
she is beautiful, my body must be working properly.” Then I quickly move on in my thoughts
to something else. See, its ok to feel good and attracted to the opposite sex. You’re supposed
to be. But unless it is your wife you need not dwell on these thoughts. By the way, the longer
you abstain from pornography or masturbation, the more sensitive you will become to beauty.
This is great, it means your body is returning back to normal.

Remember, getting mad because you are vulnerable to temptation or have a weakness is
counterproductive. These negative feelings will fuel the fire of porn addiction. The quicker
you accept and adapt to your weaknesses the better. Having to set boundaries and live life to
avoid people or situations you know you would be weak around is nothing to be ashamed of.
You’re doing what most people are not willing to do. Weakness, if you work to be better, will
ultimately make you stronger in character than you were before. Take joy in the fact that you
recognize your weaknesses and your body still works. See this as an opportunity to learn and
grow and you will.

There are more at

http://newlifehabits.com/ .