Gnome Overboard

By Brandon M. Dennis

Setting: Menethil Harbor. Sunset. Ships coming in and

out, people walking by.

GNOME

Hi, I hear you guys are going out to kill the horned whale.

MAN 1

Yeah, what of it?

GNOME

I am the greatest gnomish sailor in the world, and I would like to join
you, for glory!

MAN 1

Uh... conference!

The three men turn their backs to the gnome and converse
amongst themselves.

MAN 2

We can't take him! He's a gnome, and all gnomes are cursed!

MAN 3

Yeah if he comes with us, we're sure to meet Old Roper.

MAN 1

True, but we could use him as bait for the whale. Whales like gnomes,
right?

ALL

Oh yeah that's right they do.

MAN 1

Ok you can come, but if we run into any trouble, you're going overboard.
 GNOME

Um.... k.

Row, row, row, row,

row, row, row!

Three men and a gnome went out to sea

to slay the mighty whale
but they never came home to kiss their wives
for their ship went down in a gale
as they floated on down to their watery graves
to make the seabed their home
Tim Flannery Hall turned to his two friends
and said, “Just blame the gnome!”

Five curses and spite live in each gnome

this truth can’t be ignored
The best way to get rid of a gnome
is to throw that gnome overboard.

Their souls were taken by the judge of the deep

Old Roper was his name
Said the judge to the four, as was his want
which one of you is to blame?
The men did discuss, quite fast and quick,
with a grunt, a grumble and a groan
Said John McNash, with a finger upraised
“It was that there bloitting gnome!”

Five curses and spite live in each gnome

this truth can’t be ignored
The best way to get rid of a gnome
is to throw that gnome overboard.

The men went to heaven and the gnome to hell

As Roper justly decreed
And the men sat looking down on the gnome
just watching his spirit bleed.
When an angel with a rock came floating by
and said “What should we do with this stone?
Pat Callaghan laughed and pointed at hell
and said “Let’s all stone the gnome!”

Five curses and spite live in each gnome

this truth can’t be ignored
The best way to get rid of a gnome
is to throw that gnome overboard.