Topic: Are children harmed by divorce

Divorce Harms Children

Introduction
Divorce harms! That is undisputed, to what extent and to what degree is the question

we have set out to examine? The research that has been carried out, has been critiqued for

biased ness in sampling and later interpretation of data. Most researchers have determined

that children of divorce have difficulty forming relationship of their own, are more likely to

divorce themselves, are more prone to depression, become less religious and have reduced

educational and financial attainment. In short the overall effect is proclaimed to be negative.

There are most positive aspects out of divorce especially when there is no alternative option?

We will examine these issues in detail and also see what sort of option does parents in

conflict have and with what implications.

Marital Dissolution
The sanctity of marriage as an institution may be open to question as increasing

number of children are either being reared by single parent, or being forced with a single

parent because of non marital childhood. Children may have an unquestioned right to parental

support, be it emotional, psychological or financial – children of separated parents still have

these needs and separation creates an indeterminable void that may sustain beyond childhood.

Judith (1994) believes that women and men have fundamentally different behaviors vis-à-vis

marriage child bearing and care of children. Women normally take care of children; take

responsibility for them, in spite or despite their existent or future relationships. Men on the

other hand, Judith believes, have usually relationship with children of partners they are

cohabiting with – this relationship may shear off with partner dissolution. This removal of

paternal link may have severe emotional consequences for younger children. The quantum
and magnitude of effects has been questioned by various researchers citing lack of evidence

or partiality of evidence, yet the negativity of effects has been acknowledged (Judith, 1994).

There is an increased tendency (almost twice with children from intact marriages) to

drop out from school amongst single parent’s children. Children from broken up homes are

shuttled between two entities for custodial rights – those living with their mother are

disadvantaged in terms of access to material resources, however research shows that girls

living their mother are better adjusted socially than boys living with their mother, further

children living with their mother may have reduced financial resources, as family income has

been cut and generally women earn less than men. Although happiness does not require

money, yet without money – adequate food and living space happiness is again difficult to

come by. Although child support payments are mandated by law, these payments are not

consistent and adequate and as time pass these payments decrease even further.

Causes
Conflict between parents affects children both directly and indirectly, as parents may

be preoccupied with their own problems and later after the separation, the single parent may

be too traumatized to offer solace to the child. There is also evidence that conflict that

predates divorce may have negative bearing on children from the earlier time and may

continue after the separation. Children’s emotional security is thus affected both prior to

divorce and afterwards when out of selfish love each partner exaggerates interest in child

welfare augmenting the strain on poor child.

The major sources of disagreements amongst the two partners before divorce are

money and child handling ways and these issues persist after the break – exacerbated by

discordant partners who already could not agree to a single view. This conflict often leads to

disengagement from each other and leaving the poor child’s future in a vacuum. Growing
children are caught midway between parents who can’t take sides without feeling guilty and

end up blaming themselves for inability to manage parents’ disagreements (Judith, 1994).

Boys and girls tend to behave differently in post divorce single parent scenario. Boys

are more disturbed when father leaves than daughters while daughters similarly experience

distress with addition of a stepfather, as this addition may be perceived as pseudo loss of

mother in terms of attention and time. Again stepfather addition may surmount to sexual

tension for girls in the pubescent step daughter step father relationship (Stephanie et al,

1996).

Joan (1998) states that children from broken homes are more likely to suffer from

delinquency, drop out of school, use drugs and drink heavily – however sometimes divorce

may be the best way out and best solution for children. Divorce effects ripple into all facets of

life from education to emotional health. Increasing number of divorce rates are compounding

these problems, as divorce rates climb to 50% of the newly married. Society is still providing

tacit approval of divorce which entails increasing detrimental effects on the partners and their

off springs. The evidence is unmistakable, children of divorce are abused and neglected, these

children have problem focusing and concentrating on studies, and finally these children show

increased crime adoption and suicidal tendencies.

These children are more likely to divorce as they become adults and marry.

Interestingly the odds against marriage succeeding become even higher if both parents are

offspring of divorced parents (Scott, 2002). These children start seeing divorce as an

acceptable solution, even if they have children of their own

When divorce may not be so bad or actually good?

At times parents may stay together, ostentatiously for their children, however the

conflict and stress may be so great that children end up being victimized and may be hounded

by memories of their parents shouting and bickering at each other. In situations that are
irretrievable clean break may be advised and for these partners divorce may be the only

solution and accost children with the new fact of life and allow children to deal with things as

they are not what they might want them to be (Joan, 1998).

Divorce experience may be different for different persons E. Mavis says that at least

20% of the divorced women emerged from the relationship, liberated and developed latent

abilities that would not have been possible in restrictive or unhappy marriage. Many of these

women went back to college, began to work and developed a successful career and

essentially became responsible citizens. Many of these women had satisfying and happy

second marriages. This was especially true when they moved from an already disengaged

partnership or from bullying or acrimonious husband that had weakened their self esteem (E.

Mavis, 2002). Similarly some girls do emerge from their parent’s divorce more responsible

having learnt from divorce experience how to handle stress in their own lives.

Sometimes children are denied the safe environment they deserve, they are sexually

and physically abused and professional help hasn’t worked or parent doesn’t acknowledge the

problem’s gravity – divorce may be the answer. Children living in homes with domestic

violence may suffer long lasting psychological problems, then for child and spouse’s own

safety divorce may be the right course of action. Similarly for spouse addicted to drugs and

alcohol and who is unwilling to go for professional help separation may be necessary for both

spouse and children sake. Divorce is bad for partners and for children but at times it may be

better than living in violent, abusive and unhealthy environment. (Gregory, Maybe you

should get a divorce)

Trauma and Religion

Joan quotes Robert Simpson, professor of Sociology, at University of Chicago who

has determined that divorce rates in a community strongly correlated and predicted robbery

rate in that community - he came to this result after studying 171 cities with more than
100,000 people. Further divorced parents’ children have a higher chance of being abused and

even remarriage fails to stem the levels of abuse. Besides abuse emotional suffering and

trauma of separation may cause long lasting psychological damage in many children – there

is also an increased chance of child neglect when parents have split also giving rise to feeling

of unwonted. An ancillary affect is weakened relationship between child and his/her

separated parents. Scott (2002) quoting Wallerstein says that children from divorce end up

having strong negative feeling about their father if he has stopped providing financial support

for education and other financial emotional needs. It is common for children from split

families to end up blaming themselves for their parents divorce and have a poor self image.

Thus these children’s psychological stability is undermined and the effects sustain beyond

into children’s adulthood and child’s capacity to live a family life is severely affected, they

might have difficulty in forming profound and long lasting relationships. These children may

experience sex earlier than on average, have more teenage pregnancies, have distrust for long

term relationships and are generally afraid of having children, “Parents not only divorce each

other, they in effect divorce or partially divorce their children”, (Patrick, Robert, 2000).

Relationship between surviving parent and child is not as deep after the split as before

as the parent is often unable to commit same deep level of emotional; support to his/her child,

also the child inherits inability to handle conflict which becomes a hindrance in later life.

Children of separated parents may suffer from feelings of inadequacy and rejection which

may hamper their judgmental skills with regards to giving and accepting love and intimacy.

Religion is considered not only a solace and support but also provides faith in higher being,

broken families have reduced religious interaction, even to the point of stopping practice of

faith or outright rejection of divine interference. Scott (2002) says that children from divorce

are 2 to 2.7 times more likely to reject faith and shun religion than children from parents of

married parents.
 This reduction of faith also removes another pillar of support during times of distress

and makes these children more susceptible to higher levels of stress. Belief in divine

intervention often helps to shuttle the problems of to divine and having faith and belief and a

solution will occur. Faith has also been found to indoctrinate general level of well being and

happiness – there is a strong correlation between crime rate and level of faith and worship

and further strongly religious persons are less likely to indulge in drugs and alcohol, even

better health is a factor of more religious tendencies.

Children from divorced parents, according to Bernardo, and who are in touch with

both of their parents are caught in a void between two separate sets of beliefs and values

leading to an inner conflict or war of the worlds, at times these children may be ambivalent at

times traveling in extreme poles but rarely do the two parents belief sets are congruent.

During marriage there might have been compromises and harmonization of differences but

post separation the two discrete individuals who have stopped reaching out retreat into their

own shells and diverge from each other values and beliefs. The poor child who is in contact

with both of them has a strikingly difficult job of making sense of two ways of thinking,

living and believing. This compulsive conflict may lead these children to impaired thinking,

decision making and finding their own identity – they become confused. Hence the child is at

a loss whether the divorce is acrimonious, then he/she is struck with discord and inner strife.

If the divorce is amicable then child is laden with addled thinking as above (Bernardo, 2006).

Conclusion
We have seen that divorce is draining emotionally, psychologically and financially for

children and for the single mothers. Children have emotional scars from the tragedy which

they will most probably carry over to their next generation. We also saw children from

divorce dropping out of school, blaming themselves having suicidal tendencies and turning

away from religion.

 A positive aspect out of divorce may be when separation acts as a release from a

binding dysfunctional relationship, when children were abused, when partner was belligerent,

bullying alcoholic and drug addict. We have also seen that rather than been living in a regular

bickering conflict ridden relationship it is better to separate. In the end one thing is for certain

– divorce is on the whole bad for the parents and harms children who are the hardest hit.
 References

Scott M. Stanley & Frank D. Fincham (2002). The Effects of Divorce on Children. Couples
Research and Therapy Newsletter (AABT-SIG), 8 (1), 7-10.
Judith A. Seltzer (1994) Consequences of Marital Dissolution for Children. - author. Annual
Review of Sociology. Volume: 20. Page Number: 235+.
Joan Burnie (June 26, 1998). Can Divorce Ever Be Good for Children?; Split Decision: How
Families Cope With The Stress And Strain When Two Parents Decide To Separate.
Daily Record. Page Number: 48.
Patrick F. Fagan & Robert Rector (October 2000). The Effects of Divorce on America.
World and I. Volume: 15. Issue: 10.
Stephanie Kasen, Patricia Cohen, Judith S. Brook, Claudia Hartmark (1996). A Multiple-Risk
Interaction Model: Effects of Temperament and Divorce on Psychiatric Disorders in
Children. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology. Volume: 24. Issue: 2.
E. Mavis Hetherington (April 8, 2002). Marriage and Divorce American Style: A Destructive
Marriage Is Not a Happy Family. The American Prospect. Volume: 13. Issue: 7. Page
Number: 62+.
Bernardo M Villegas (February 24, 2006). Children of Divorce. Manila Bulletin.
Gregory Ramey. Maybe you should get a divorce! When is a marriage harmful to children?
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