Confessions of a Depressive Teenager

Recompilation of my poems…

my sounds of madness
Sick and tired,
I have been driven to the edge of total madness,
a suffocating insanity,
that eats me from within,
little by little,
it poisons me,
thought by thought.

I have disconnected myself from my morals,

i seek for a solution to this sickening dump,

This insanity I speak of,

it has changed me,
degenerated me,
driven me to act as an animal.

I’ve tried,
I’ve smoked,
I’ve kissed,
I’ve touched,
I’ve died.

In alcohol I found naught but emptiness,

sweaty nights and shallow mornings,
nothing more than a hologram of true happiness.

I want peace of mind,

of heart.

My depression has become my drug,

I have reached a point of pseudo-masochism,
In my sweet melancholy I feel,
I truly feel,
I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.

who have we become?

Torn Jeans,
 Hands in pockets,
Cigarette behind ear,
Shallowness of mind,
Emptiness of Heart,

What have we become?

Weak of mind, lacking self identity

Pressured by fashion,
By prejudice,
By shortsightedness.

We are conformists.

We have conformed ourselves in the orders of our parents,

the Media,
Commercial Music,
Psycho babble bullshit.

This is the tragedy of the children of the Facebook generation.

Do you know?
Ever had a feeling of rejection?
Ever felt unwanted?
Ever seen the flash of the smile of a person and see nothing more than the shallow
desperation for affection that person has to satisfy?
Paint an image of how you would be if you felt this every single day of your depression
tinted, miserable life.

These feelings have led me to close myself,

to contain my feelings and my true personality into a shell.

A shell decorated by the shallowness of the fake image of a happy jock,

a badass.

They have led me to block out affection,

affection and care towards others,
I was comfortably indifferent.

Amongst this darkness I found myself in you,

you were my reason to change,
my reason to be all I can be,
First sting of love I ever felt.
First time I finally opened myself to feeling,
lost my fear to feel,
cracked this shell open and let you in,
I am convinced of what I feel.