Qaeda Court to Grant Beheadees Habeas Corpse Writs from ScrappleFace

(2008-06-13) — As a goodwill gesture in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 5-4
ccccdecision grant writs of habeas corpus to detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, al Qaeda today
announced it would grant its beheadees what it called “writs of habeas corpse.”

Under the Supreme Court’s Boumediene v. Bush ruling an enemy combatant facing trial before a
military tribunal can now petition a U.S. court for a writ of habeas corpus allowing him to
challenge his detention in a civilian U.S. court, essentially granting him the rights of an
American citizen.

The Qaeda court, however, lacking a large number of detainees, said it would allow any of its
beheadees to petition for the right to appear in an Islamic Court.

“We feel this is even more generous than the unilateral U.S. decision,” said an unnamed Qaeda
Court spokesman, “because we’ll actually issue two writs for each beheadee to assure the court
has his undivided attention.”