Men Choose Their Route in Life!

Happy, unhappy, success, failure? The choice is yours.

By CyberParent Staff

A man's life is a series of choices

The way we choose to see the world creates the world we see. Happiness (love, success,
etc.) is a choice.

Misery is also a choice. It is not optional and not inevitable.

We can change and be different.

Our past is nothing but a memory dragged into one moment of the present.    That
moment is no more important or significant than the next. And in the next moment, we
can change it all.

We create change in our life by changing our beliefs and point of view.

We are in charge:

 We can inspire ourselves or scare ourselves.

 We are the creators of our attitudes and experiences.

We design the world by the way we choose to see it.

Once our beliefs are in place, we use all kinds of evidence to support them. In fact, we
unconsciously create the evidence for the sole purpose of supporting whatever position
we believe is irrefutable.

A belief in happiness is the ultimate advantage! We can choose to be happy by making

happiness our priority, our belief, our goal.

Portions of the above article were from an excellent book Happiness Is a Choice by
Barry Kaufman.
 Men and Loneliness

By Pat McChristie

Men suffer from two forms of loneliness:

 Social Loneliness
 Emotional Loneliness

Social loneliness is brought on by a lack of social network. Everyone needs people for
"hanging out."

Emotional loneliness is the absence of a close emotional relationship.

Men and Social Loneliness

Social loneliness is brought on by a lack of social network. Everyone needs people for
"hanging out."

The first step, then, to curing loneliness will be to rebuild or develop a social network.

Men seek out "buddies" that fulfill their needs for social contacts--the guys at work, a
tennis partner, possibly a drinking buddy or two.

Men also seek female friends for a social network. Men have told me women friends are
less competitive, more compassionate, and better listeners than their male buddies.

In addition, it is quite socially acceptable for men to go places alone so men who do not
have a social network can build one quickly if they choose to do so.

Social loneliness is usually not as prevalent in men as in women unless a man is dealing
with extreme shyness or other unusual circumstances beyond the scope of one article.

Men and Emotional Loneliness

Emotional loneliness is the absence of a close emotional relationship. Those superficial

buddies that can cure social loneliness won't touch the emotional variety. That explains
why people can party for weeks and still feel lonely.

Although even one close relationship can cure emotional loneliness for many, that close
relationship is much harder to build than a social network. And, it seems particularly
difficult for men to build.

Why?

1. Developing a close relationship can be scary. All close relationships require self-
disclosure. That frightens many men because of the potential rejection factor. Many
men fear making a "fool of themselves" and just drop out of the game rather than risk
it.

2. Just as with a love relationship, any close relationship requires a certain amount of
"chemistry," that click that comes with finding a kindred spirit. Again, this becomes a
"numbers game." We need to meet a lot of people to find our kindred spirits. Meeting a
lot of people requires a lot of effort. And it does not happen quickly.

3. Developing a close relationship also requires a non-competitive atmosphere.

Dropping that competitive self is hard-to-impossible for many men, especially those who
have been socialized to be competitive beings--as most men have been.

4. Developing a close relationship is often stalled by sex too early in a relationship. Yet
many men equate sex with the end of loneliness and as proof a woman cares. They push
for sex before they have developed the underlying closeness needed to support an
intimate relationship. Sex feels good for those few minutes, then loneliness returns.

Is loneliness a "woman" thing or a "man" thing?

No. Men and women suffer from loneliness in exactly the same way. In many cases,
women often have a much better friend and family network for curing emotional
loneliness. Men, however, can have a better network for curing social loneliness with the
male "buddy" system.