WHY KAMA SUTRA, PORN AND

GOSSIP ARE BAD WAYS TO

LEARN ABOUT SEX
1
WHY TALK ABOUT SEX &
PORNOGRAPHY?
 12 …Billion dollars per year on porn in US
 200 …Porn movies made in US per week
 4.2 …Million porn websites
 25% …Of internet searches are for porn
 11 …Average age of first exposure to porn
 80% …Of 15-17 yr olds have seen hardcore
 53% …Of men consume porn
 28% …Of women consume porn
 1 out of 3 …Of us are using porn regularly
Although these stats are for Christians the numbers are not very different
For people of other faiths.
Source: In the Shadow of the Net by Patrick Carnes
WE ARE HIT WITH PORN ON SO MANY
FRONTS
 books
 magazines
(advertisements, playboy,
etc)
 internet (porn readily
available, even unsolicited,
addictive, a click away)

3
WHY TALK ABOUT KAMA SUTRA?
 In contemporary times, it has become
one of the most recognized names and
sources for trying out creative sex. It is
unfortunately outdated, and some aspects
of it Un-Islamic.

4
WHAT IS PORNOGRAPHY?
 Any sexually explicit material that makes you or your spouse focus on
something other than each other is harmful.
 It is sexual excitement as an end to it self, rather than a way to both
reach closeness
 When a husband watches another woman on celluloid screen and then
makes love to his wife he gives his wife his body but gives the image on
the TV his heart and mind
 Its like sexual decapitation

 Pornography then is similar to adultery, you are fantasizing sharing

intimacy with a stranger
 Recently home made porno films are popular made with spouse. They
make there way on internet. If guy down the street wants to see your
wife taking her clothes off on film why are you bored with her?
 Answer is you are already familiar with her and know the routine
5
 (Notes from Kosher Sex)
A LITTLE MORE CONTEXT
 We live in an overexposed society of sex
 Sex thrives when it is somewhat concealed and hidden and
involves imagination
 It is like negative of photo, . It loses color thru over-exposure

 That is why a body clothed in lingere is more erotic than a

nude one
 It invites fantasy and exploration

 Health society reduces amount of explicit material

 In Amsterdam's red light district, people who see sex shows

come out bored. It dulls rather than heightens their interest in
sex. It makes sex a commodity rather than something to
strive for 6
BEWARE OF THE DANGERS OF
PORNOGRAPHY!
It is a powerful force of destruction of marriages
leading many married couples to divorce.
It easily can become an addiction that will enslave
and destroy you.
EARLY EXPOSURE Most people who get
addicted to porn start early. They see porn when
they are very young and it gets its foot in the door.
PORN ADDICTION You keep coming back to
porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're
hooked and can't quit.
THE PROGRESSION OF PORN
ADDICTION.
 ESCALATION You start to look for more graphic
pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier.
Now, it excites you.

 DESENSITIZATION You start to become numb to the images

you see. Even the most graphic porn doesn't excite you any
more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but
you can't find it.
 ACTING OUT SEXUALLY This is the point where people
make a crucial jump and start acting out the images they have
seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn
into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.
CONSEQUENCES OF COMPULSIVE
CYBERSEX

‣ Loss of time for work, family, recreation

‣ Family violence / relationship loss
‣ Loss of job because of cybersex at work
‣ Guilt and shame due to keeping secrets
‣ Decreased interest in sex with spouse
‣ Increased preoccupation with sex
‣ Increased overall sexual objectification
‣ Children potentially exposed to porn
‣ Increased interest in deviant sex
‣ Potential arrest for illegal online sex
‣ Escalation to off-line sex
PORNOGRAPHY & VIOLENCE ARE LINKED

Types of pornography according to the level of violence

1. Soft-core pornography / nudity (Playboy etc.)
2. Hard-core pornography (non-violent sexual acts)
3. Violent pornography (bondage, spanking; obviously
with consent)
4. Rape-pornography (use of violence / force obviously
without consent)

(Boeringer 1994)
SEX AND GOSSIP
 Ever heard about the telephone game?
 That’s where one person passes a message
to another who passes it to another, and in
a few degrees of separation, the heart and
soul of the message is lost.
 You wouldn’t go to a quack for good
medical advice, so why entrust something
so important to heresy?
 Not only sex is a private matter that
shouldn’t be discussed casually, it is also
a personal experience. What works for
one person most probably won’t work for
11
the other.
WHY KAMA SUTRA IS BAD
 It covers unashamedly
romance and marriage,
which is OK to a degree
 It is not useful for the time
and place we live in
 Kama Sutra was compiled
in 4th century AD
 It is a compilation of
Brahman scholars and
other religious scholars
called Vatsayayana
12
WHY KAMA SUTRA IS BAD
 However once it gets into adultery, bigamy, group sex,
prostitution, homosexuality, and sadomasochism, it is
out of bounds (all of which are haram/forbidden)
 As I udnderstand it Muslims, we can take anything that
is not contradictory or forbidden in our faith, but much
of the Kama Sutra is purely wrong and or useless

13
WHY KAMA SUTRA IS BAD
 Kama Sutra only gives a
male perspective
 It was written as a
guidebook for upper-class
coming of age young men
 Advice and etiquette of
dealing with prostitutes,
seduction and the like are
again out of bounds in Islam
 There are 64 positions in the
Kama Sutra, and although a
few are practical, most are
not. 14
THE JOY OF SEX AND SIMILAR BOOKS
 Books like this may have good advice and guidelines but
what is most problematic are the photos and high
resolution illustrations, which are another form of
pornography. Plus you have to know what is forbidden
or guidelines of Islam to know what to take

15
ON THE SUBJECT OF MOVIES & PORN
 Hollywood and its cousins in the media are businesses
whose job is to entertain, sensationalize, and sell their
wares
 Sex in film is raunchy and does not reflect real human
beings.
 It is all about performance, sight and sound and not
about intimacy, affection, and the well being of your
spouse
 They are not looking out in your best interest

16
ON THE SUBJECT OF MOVIES & PORN
 Seeing a couple supposedly perform sex is voyeurism
 Besides taking a private event public, it is troubling to
the heart and soul.
 Why be a sinful spectator, when you can be gaining
blessings by having lawful sex with your spouse
 Why would you want to visualize, another man or
woman that you are making love to, when you can both
imagine and practice with your spouse
 Why gain sin, when you can get reward by doing that
which Allah and his Prophet have permitted and
encouraged.
17
ON THE SUBJECT OF MOVIES & PORN
 Porn objectifies women, as purely a piece of flesh to be
used and discarded
 Like the Kama Sutra, Porn provides a male perspective,
and what supposedly should turn them on.
 It is addictive like drugs, with harm for the family and
faith.
 If you watch enough porn ,that will become your
standard to look up to, which is totally false.
 The key to great sex isn’t porn its in the intimacy,
foreplay, respect for each other and having Taqwa
(including fear, love, guidance and presence of Allah)
18
ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE ON
PORNOGRAPHY

 Don't follow Satan

 At several places in the Quran, God warns us not to
follow the steps of Satan: "He will incite you for
shameful things (fuhsha) and encourage you to do
universally accepted wrong things (al-munkar) Quran
24:21
 Sayings of the Prophet: Hadith

 No man or woman should look at the naked body of each

other (unless married). Sahih Muslim
 For more information got to:
http://www.soundvision.com/Info/life/porn/isporn.asp
19
20
NEVER TAKE YOUR CUES ABOUT SEX
FROM PORNOGRAPHY, MOVIES, AND
MAGAZINES
 Examples: Immoral or unreal fantasies
 Video taping or taking pictures of your spouse. Even if you
are married, relationships can sour, or there are plenty of
celebrity stories whose sex videos have turned up on the
Internet, don’t be black-mailed into your spouse eg “if you
love me, or its my right,… (There is no obedience in
disobedience of Allah)
 Deep-throat (Oral-sex). The mouth is 2-3 inches, the Penis
can extend 5-6. Even if you want to do it, real way is not the
way portrayed in film, your would choke and or hurt your
spouse.

21
NEVER TAKE YOUR CUES ABOUT SEX
FROM PORNOGRAPHY, MOVIES, AND
MAGAZINES
 Examples: Immoral or unreal fantasies
 Anal sex is forbidden in Islam, it is painful and unnatural, yet
it is portrayed in nearly all books on sex and hard core films
 Hard core- Bondage. People have ended up in hospital and or
embarrassing situations
 Intimate relationship in Islam is sacred. Not for display, abuse or
exploitation of spouse

22
WHY PORN IS BAD
 Brings about shame and
hiding
 It takes away focus from
people in your life
 Eats lots of time
 It diminishes your capacity
to think and focus
 Can get expensive
financially, emotionally,
and socially
 Creates skewed
perceptions of reality for
real life relationships,
leading to disappointment 23
WHY PORN IS BAD
 Looking at porn is self-
seeking. We ought to look
to the needs of others
 Guilt causes one to avoid
gathering with other
believers which affects
their lives
 Pornography feeds the
lonely deprived spots of a
person's mind but does not
fulfill the need
 A part of you dies when
using porn; one gives
away a piece of their soul
24
to object of lust
WHY PORN IS BAD CONTD.
 Loss of innocence, which is a hard thing to regain
 Dependency on porn is self-perpetuating. Addictive.

 Self hatred (shame)/ self esteem issues

 Can cause anxiety

 The glorification of the “perfect” body can make a

person feel ashamed of her/his own
 It is degrading

25
WHY PORN IS BAD CONTD.
 Creates a fear of having a real relationship
 Makes you afraid of God rather than reverence for God

 Never satisfies, just feel worse afterwards

 Destroys vision and purpose in life

 Images are permanent in one’s memory

26
WHY PORN IS BAD CONTD.

 Validates violence against and exploitation of women

and children
 Separates sex from true sexual intimacy, trivializes what
God made as serious
 Promotes casual sex without addressing the
consequences (emotional and physical - stds, etc.)
 Porn encourages users to think of the people as objects.

 Desensitizes to the vulnerability of real people by

emphasizing personal gratification
27
WHY PORN IS BAD CONTD.
 Pornography diminishes the value of the intimacy
between husband and wife
 Pornography puts a wall between people due to mistrust,
guilt, shame, and disappointment
 Instead of healing old emotional scars, it creates new
ones in all people involved
 Causes pain to everyone

 It’s just not cool!

28
EXAMPLE OF HOW SHAITAN (SATAN)
ATTACKS US
When we are…
 H ungry
 A ngry
 L onely
 T ired
 E nvious
 D iscouraged
MUSIC – WHAT DO YOU THINK?
 NEGATIVE: some filled promoting sexuality, civil
disobedience, degradation of women, girl
power,profanity, drunkenness, drugs, etc.

But what they are really selling to their mostly

pre-pubescent audiences is adult sexuality”

30
MUSIC – WHAT DO YOU THINK?
 “Our music is calculated to drive the kids to sex. It's not
my fault what they do. It's up to them. I'm just making a
lot of money. . .” Mick Jagger

WOULD YOU WANT MY GARBAGE

DUMPED IN YOUR LIVING ROOM?
WHAT ABOUT THE WORLD’S
31
GARBAGE IN YOUR MIND?
WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?
 Here are a few good books on sex
 A Celebration of Sex

 Great Sex

32
FOR MORE DETAILS ON ISLAM AND SEX
 Please go to

 http://islamsexlove.wordpress.com/