GUARDING OURSELVES FROM

ADULTERY
1
WHAT IS AN AFFAIR?

 Continual unmet needs and can happen through

following:

 Intellectual

 Emotional

 Physical
WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS?
IT IS A TRAP, EASY TO FALL INTO
FEW PEOPLE PLAN TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
MOST COMMON EMOTIONAL NEEDS IN
MARRIAGE
 Admiration/affirmation
 Affection

 Conversation-- “Listen to me!”

 Domestic support

 Family commitment and safety

 Financial support

 Honesty, openness, gentleness

 Physical attractiveness/doing the best with what you have, inside and out

 Recreation companion/things in common/dwell time

 Respect, honor, inclusion, humor

 Sexual fulfillment/ serve each other/ do not deny

Security, significance, intimacy (i.e.,spiritual, emotional, friendship, physical,

interested in me, respects me and my opinions), validation, hang time,
priority, connection, boundaries
 WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS?

A combination of the following, along with someone else with their own set,
plus the opportunity
 Continual unmet emotional needs

 Unfulfilled expectations- “I have a right” or “Do I really have to take a step

toward you on this”-self orientation. Unresolved expectations can lead to
resentment.
 Underdeveloped self esteem/image- craving for validation/admiration- like a
drug
 Unresolved conflict -- solve it=intimacy; ignore and continue it=distance
and avoidance and flight/ Lack of Joint Agreements
 Uncontrolled thoughts---noticing the opposite sex is natural; it is when you
begin to think thru and plan and dwell on a specific person is it lust
 Unprotected lifestyle—high stress, no time, no rest, no hang time, no
boundaries
 Unreliable commitment, angry spouse, lying, abusive, annoying, selfish,
your bank account is constantly withdrawn into conflict
 Distance from God.lack of turning, renewal, and rebuilding
WHO ARE THE MOST COMMON
AFFAIR PARTNERS?

 People you and your spouse know-other couples you spend

time with

 Work colleagues, school mates, sports teammates, travel

companions

 Relatives of your spouse

 Strangers
WHAT ARE THE MOST COMMON
CIRCUMSTANCES THAT SURROUND AN AFFAIR
(EXPLOSION)?
The match
 Entertaining impure thoughts in your head— “I’m just thinking, I’d never
do it”
 Non-physical emotional involvement— “If my spouse just understood
me”= open door
 Crossing the physical line—touching, kissing….it is nearly impossible to
turn back
The gasoline
 High stress, high need, no rest, continuing conflict at home/work, poor self
image, no time with spouse, chaos= need for a diversion
 Alcohol
 Unaccountable- travel, unbounded time away from home w/o spouse, no
friends who make you accountable- no joint agreements
 Distant from God, the community of believers, prayer, lack of (self-
control)
 WHAT ARE SOME CONCRETE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO AVOID AN
AFFAIR IN YOUR MARRIAGE?
 Recommit yourself daily to God’s standard and to each other

 Accept your own mate as God’s provision and delight in. He/she is the right
one
 Pray together
 Manage your mind—it all begins with your thought life
 Know your needs and communicate them; know your spouse’s needs and
meet them-every day take a step toward their needs and fears-fill their love
bank
 Monitor your media intake-”Desperate Housewives” and trashy movies
 Pick your friends carefully
 Minimize the opportunity to fall-venue= dinner/drinks/travel for 2
 Establish boundaries by joint agreement on things like time at
home/travel/individual activities/friends
 Magnify the consequences; minimize the benefits of unfaithfulness
 Maintain the proper relationship with the opposite sex
 PROPER RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE SEXES
WHEN AT LEAST ONE IS MARRIED TO SOMEONE
ELSE

1. Be careful of office/school/sports jokes and flirting-stay

away from it-if you like to flirt or like to be flirted
with, you may have a self esteem problem.
2. Diffuse electric situations—if you are talking to
someone and you realize something else is going on or
too many brushes of their arm happen…turn away,
get serious about the discussion topic, and let them
know, perhaps verbally, that you are not available,
put your spouse’s picture up.
3. Lower your gaze. Avoid prolonged stares, eye-to-eye,
and eye-to-other body parts.
 PROPER RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE SEXES
WHEN AT LEAST ONE IS MARRIED TO SOMEONE
ELSE

4. Be careful of inappropriate dress and inappropriate

invitations.
5. Avoid lingering touches.
6. Don’t listen to complaints about their spouse; never
complain or share intimate info about your spouse.
7. Never travel or spend leisure time alone with someone
you might be attracted to; figure-out a way to take a
3rd person.
8. Avoid time alone with your friend’s spouse. Things that
attract couples sometimes attract individuals among
those couples. #1 source of affairs.
9.
FROM AN ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE

 Never be alone with a member of the opposite sex

who is ger-Mahram (not related to you, eg Husband,
father, brother, son)
 Remember Hadith, if an unrelated man and woman
are alone in a room, Shaitan is the third with them.
 Think of the punishment of the adulterer. Even if
society around has lower morals, think of your
reckoning with Allah. No Man or woman is worth
going to Hell for and facing Allah’s punishment.
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THE MARITAL GOLDEN RULE!

 Sex confined to marriage

 Meet your spouse’s needs as you would
want your spouse to meet yours.”
 Do unto others as you would like them to do
unto you.
 Stop selling fish! …Selfish!
FOR MORE DETAILS
 Please go to

 http://islamsexlove.wordpress.com/