Miami:

The best place to live?

Miami has many cons about living there. First of all there is a lot of traffic. But, no need
to worry; you have the beaches to look at while you wait for 5 to 6 hours to move an inch or if
you are lucky maybe 2. Another con about living in Miami is that you live close to all the bars
which don’t close until 5 a.m. in case some of you wanted to know when you go there. There is
always loud music playing in the bars so you will sleep like a baby, waking up every 3 to 4
minutes crying for your mommy. The biggest problem of them all is that Miami is a very
expensive place and only rich people are allowed to live there. Even if you go to the fifth ward of
Miami I can guarantee you, you will see 3 to 4 Lamborghinis there. Miami is so expensive, the
gas is over $5 and for a decent meal it would cost you only around $60, but if you want a drink
and fries with that, then let’s just say you will be leaving Miami as soon as you gather enough
money to buy a plane ticket out, which will probably take you roughly 5 to 6 years.

1. Do not surf during hurricanes. I don't know why people think it is so cool to catch a
wave in the middle of a storm that could potentially kill them. Even the sharks decide to
take a break from biting surfers.
2. Do not stay on a boat. Hey dufus, a hurricane is hovering over the Atlantic right by your
town and you are on your fishing vessel! I already told you the fish ain't biting! They are
asleep! As shown to me by various weather reports of the past, boats tend to get beached.
They get tossed around like they are made out of paper.
3. Do not stand outside talking on the phone. Most hurricanes produce violent
thunderstorms, which can cause tornadoes, hail, etc. Talking on your cell phone, or other
audio device, or even your Blackberry , giving a play by play first hand account to your
cousin in Nebraska isn't recommended. You do not want to be a human lightning rod.
Einstein's hair was natural....yours won't be. And when people ask you if you stuck your
finger in a light socket, you can answer "sort of."
4. "Let's watch the storm from inside." Hey dufus...didn't you ever learn in school that
when there's a storm you should stay AWAY from the windows? They rattle and if
enough pressure builds up you are going to have room full of shattered glass...and the
doctor will laugh as he pulls shards out of your butt while calling you a dufus.
5. "I think I'll play on the computer." UM.....NO....Not only is that another way to
become a human lightning rod, but you will lose everything on your hard drive or
possibly just lose your whole computer. Yeah...dufus.
6. Do not decide that you need to stock up on food and water the day of the hurricane.
Just because they say on TV that the storm is twenty minutes away from you, doesn't
mean it hasn't already hit. TV is not 100% accurate at any given time. The job of the
weatherman is to let you know how fast the storm is moving and that yep, it's coming
your way. So if you knew about the hurricane Monday and it is supposed to hit
Wednesday...don't wait until Wednesday to get food and water.
7. Do not drive. Unless it's an emergency or you are a weatherman, you shouldn't attempt
to drive during any severe storm. That's why there's always a traffic jam on at least one of
the main thoroughfares in any city where hurricanes can hit.
8. Do not fly a kite. You're a sucker for punishment,eh? Yeah, Ben Franklin was a genius
for naming this electricity...you human lightning rod, you! One thing, he wasn't actually
attached to the kite! He attached a metal key! So he didn't have Einstein hair...and he
wasn't flambéed neither. Stay inside, dufus.