A Quick Thought on Communicating with the

Opposite Sex

There are some important differences in how men tend to communicate

and how women tend to communicate. I think that most of us who have
been around awhile and had some life experience know and accept this
basic fact.

One of those important differences can be observed in how men and

women communicate during times when they are involved in the process
of decision making or problem solving.

Men tend to take care of much of the decision making/problem solving

work internally. And when they are finally ready to speak on the subject,
they feel they have pretty much already arrived at their “final answer.”
But women, on the other hand, tend to seek input from others at the
very beginning of the decision making process.

So, when a man brings up a decision with, for example, his wife, he
assumes she thinks and processes in the same style he does and will, of
course, know that he is just giving her the information or perhaps,
seeking approval.

But, most likely the woman does NOT know this, so she will probably
respond by asking if he has considered various factors and ramifications
and suggesting possible reasons his plan could fail or talking about
other alternatives. This is how she responds because she is assuming
that he thinks and processes and makes decisions the same way she
does. She assumes, then, that since this is the first she has heard about
this particular problem, he must be in the early stages of processing and
is asking for her input.

The man is likely to respond to this kind of input by becoming angry,

wondering why she is throwing a monkey wrench into the situation and
why she is not understanding that he worked hard to come to this
decision and has, of course, already considered the possible roadblocks
and alternate options. He may take her response as lack of confidence
in his judgment.

We can also consider what happens when a woman needs to make an

important decision. When she brings up the issue with her male
significant other, she is in the early stages of the process of decision
making/problem solving. She is hoping for some ideas from him that
she can take into consideration as she is working on choosing the best
option.

However, the man does not realize this, since he assumes she thinks and
processes the same way he does. He assumes that, since she has
brought up the topic, the possible solution she has mentioned is her
“final answer” and she is just giving him the information or maybe
seeking his approval.

So, he says something like, “Hey, that sounds great, honey, whatever you
want to do.”

Then, she, of course, is likely to become angry, because it appears he is

not listening to her or taking her problem seriously.

Frustrated, she turns to her girlfriends for assistance with making the
decision and comes up with an entirely different solution from the one
she had mentioned to her man.

And, when she tells him about it, he thinks something like – Women!! I
will never understand them. Why are they always changing their minds??

Sounds familiar, right? And probably there are no easy answers that
would apply to all situations such as this, but I will offer just one simple
piece of advice that is likely to be helpful in the majority of these kinds
of scenarios.

If someone, especially someone of the opposite sex, begins talking

about a problem or decision and a possible solution they have come up
with, it is best not to assume anything, but rather to ask. Before
jumping right into a response based on one's own way of processing and
thinking, it is generally better to take the time to ask – have you decided
on that course of action for sure, then, or are your wanting to talk about
it with me?

It seems to me that making this small change could make a big

difference in improving communication. And, in general, clarifying
rather than assuming is overwhelmingly the best choice when it comes
to communication!

RoseDQ May 2011