CHAPTER 10

HANDLING CONFLICT AND BEING ASSERTIVE

CHAPTER OUTLINE AND LECTURE NOTES

Conflict takes place frequently, and being able to manage it well contributes to your
feeling of well-being. Conflict is a condition that exists when two sets of demands, goals,
or motives are incompatible. A conflict can also be considered a dispute, feud, or
controversy.

I. WHY SO MUCH CONFLICT EXISTS

Conflict takes place for many reasons, but all conflict ultimately stems from an
incompatibility of needs, motives, demands, or events. More specific reasons
follow.

A. Competition for Limited Resources

Not everybody can get all the resources (money, material, supplies, human
help) he or she wants.

B. Personality Clashes

C. Aggressive Personalities Including Bullies

Verbal aggression takes the form of insults, teasing, ridicule, and profanity.
Aggressive personalities are also referred to as workplace bullies. Among
their typical behaviors are interrupting others, ranting in a loud voice, and
making threats. Aggressiveness can also lead to workplace violence.

D. Culturally Diverse Teams and Factional Groups

Conflict often surfaces as people work in teams whose members vary in many
ways. Ethnicity, religion, and gender differences are three of the major factors
that lead to clashes in viewpoints. Differing educational background and work
specialties can also lead to conflict. Yet, with direction, most groups can
overcome these conflicts.
Another form of diversity occurs when groups contain different factions, such
as those representing two different companies that merged.

E. Competing Work and Familv Demands .

Balancing the demands of work and family life is a major challenge facing workers
at all levels. The challenge of achieving balance is particularly intense for employees
who are part of a two-wage-earner family.

F. Microinequities as a Source of Conflict

Growing attention is being paid to snubbing, or ignoring others, as a source of

conflict. A microinequity is a small, semiconscious message we send with a powerful
impact on the receiver. A micoinequity might also be considered a subtle slight.

G. Sexual Harassment: A Special Type of Conflict

 Sexual harassment is generally defmed as unwanted sexually oriented behavior in
the workplace that results in discomfort and/or interference with the job. Sexual
harassment creates conflict because the harassed person has to make a choice
between two incompatible motives (such as not wanting to be treated as a sex object
versus holding on to a job).

1. Tvpes and Frequency of Harassment. Two types of sexual harassment are legally
recognized:
(a) Quid pro quo (which is Latin for this for that) - receiving an unfavorable
employment action because sexual favors are refused
(b) a hostile environment created by sexually-oriented conduct. Many workers are
confused about what constitutes hostile environment harassment.

Surveys and opinions suggest that somewhere between 50 percent and 60 percent
of women are sexually harassed at least once in their career. Aside from being an
illegal and immoral act, sexual harassment has negative effects on the well-being
of its victims. The harassed person may experience job stress, lowered morale,
severe conflict, and lowered productivity.

2. Guidelines for Preventing and Dealing with Sexual Harassment.

Many people do not realize, for example, that terms of endearment such
as "sweetheart" or "honey" can be considered harassment. The easiest
way to deal with harassment is to speak up before it become serious.
Confronting the harasser in writing is also very effective.

II. THE GOOD AND BAD SIDE OF CONFLICT

Conflict has both positive and negative consequences, much like work stress. We
do not usually suffer stress over minor conflicts. And like stress in general, we
need an optimum amount of conflict to keep up mentally and physically energetic
.
Some of the benefits of conflict are:
1. Talents and abilities may emerge in response to conflict.
2. Conflict can help you feel better because it satisfies a number of
psychological needs
3. As an aftermath of conflict, the parties in conflict may become united.
4. Conflict helps prevent people in the organization from agreeing readily
with each other, thus making some very poor decisions.

Some of the negative or harmful consequences of conflict are:

1. Prolonged conflict can be detrimental to some people's emotional and
physical well-being.
2. People in conflict with each other often waste time and energy that
could
be put to useful purposes.
3. The aftermath of extreme conflict may have high fmancial and
emotional
costs.
4. Too much conflict is fatiguing, even if it does not cause symptoms of
 emotional illness.
5. People in conflict will often be much more concerned with their own
interests than with the good of the family, organization, or society.
6. Workplace violence erupts, including the killing of managers, previous
managers, coworkers, customers, as well as spouses and partners.

III. TECHNIQUES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTS

Successful, happy people must learn effective ways of resolving conflict. One
important consideration is to face conflict rather than ignoring it or smoothing it
over.

A. Being Assertive
Assertive people state clearly what they want or how they feel in a given situation
without being abusive, abrasive, or obnoxious. Nonassertive people let things happen
to them without letting their feelings be known. And aggressive people are obnoxious
and overbearing. They push for what they want with almost no regard for the feelings
of others.

There are techniques that can help people become less shy and more assertive
including:
1. Set a goal.
2. Appear warm and friendly.
3. Conduct anonymous conversations.
4. Greet strangers.
5. Practice being decisive.

B. Confrontation and Problem Solving Leading to Win-Win

The most highly recommended way of resolving conflict is confrontation and
problem-solving. The person identifies the true source of conflict and then resolves it
systematically using a problem-s'olving approach. Tactfulness is recommended.
Reasonableness is important.

The intent of confrontation and problem solving is to arrive at a collaborative

solution to conflict. The collaborative style is based on an underlying philosophy of
win-win, the belief that after conflict has been resolved, both sides should gain
something of value.

B. Disarm the Opposition

Disarm the opposition is a method of conflict resolution in which you disarm the
criticizer by agreeing with his or her criticism of you. The act of agreeing is disarming.
If you agree with the criticism, the criticizer no longer has reason to use his or her
armament. Disarming generally works more effectively than counterattacking a person
with whom you are in conflict.

C. Cognitive Restructuring
According to the technique of cognitive restructuring, you mentally convert negative
aspects into positive ones by looking for positive elements in a situation. If you
search for the beneficial elements in a situation, there will be less area for dispute.

D. Appeal to a Third Party

 If you cannot resolve the problem yourself, make a formal appeal to a higherlevel
official or authority. Virtually all employers have some sort of appeal process. A labor
union represents another method of appealing to a third party.

E. The Grievance Procedure

The formal process of filing a complaint and resolving a dispute is the grievance
procedure. It can also be regarded as a third-party method.of resolving conflict.
A grievance procedure used in many firms without a union is the jury of peers,
whereby unresolved grievances are submitted to a panel of coworkers.

F. Companv Programs for Lessening Work-Familv Conflict

Employers have learned that helping employees to balance the competing demands of
work and family reduces Workers' Compensation claims, medical
expenses, absenteeism and turnover. Many companies have, therefore, instituted
work/family programs such as:
1. Flexible work schedules.
2. Dependent-care programs.
3. Job sharing.
4. Employee sabbaticals.
5. Compassionate attitudes toward individual needs.

G. Negotiating and Bargaining Tactics

Another strategy for resolving conflict is negotiating and bargaining, or conferring
with another person to resolve a problem. A sampling of tactics is presented next.

1. Create a Positive Negotiating Climate. Negotiation proceeds much more

swiftly if a positive tone surrounds the session.

2. Allow Room for Compromise but Be Reasonable. The basic strategy of

negotiation is to begin with a demand that allows room for compromise and
concession. Beginning with a plausible demand or offer is also
important because it contributes to a positive negotiating climate.

3. Focus on Interests. Not Positions. Rather than clinging to specific negotiating

points, keep your overall interests in mind and try to satisfy them. Among the
interests you and the other side might be trying to protect include money, lifestyle,
power, or the status quo.

4. Make a Last and Final Offer. Make your final offer and leave politely. The
other side can get in touch with you if your offer becomes acceptable.

5. Role-Play to Predict What the Other Side Will Do. An advanced .

negotiating technique is to prepare in advance by forecasting what the
other side will demand or offer. Two professors from New Zealand have
discovered that when people role-play conflicts their ability to predict
outcomes jumps remarkably. The implication for improving negotiation is
to role-play with a friend in advance of the negotiation session you will be
facing.
 6. Allow for Face Saving. A void making the other side feel crushed,
especially if you will have to work together later.

IV. DEALING WITH ANGER

Limited ability to deal with anger damages the career and personal life of many
people. Anger is a feeling of extreme hostility, displeasure, or exasperation.
Anger creates stress and results in physiological changes such as enlarged pupils,
and a flushed face. Workplace violence usually stems from anger. The ability to
manage anger is an important interpersonal skill, now considered to be part of
emotional intelligence.

To manage your own anger, keep in mind the following: (1) Anger can be an
energizing force, and therefore constructive if properly channeled. (2) Express
your anger before it reaches a high intensity. (3) As you are about to express
anger, slow down. (4) Ask for feedback about how well you are expressing your
anger.

To manage anger in other people, a variation of confrontation and problem

solving has been developed: (1) confront, (2) contain, and (3) connect.

In choosing a tactic for resolving conflict or managing anger, consider both your
personality and the situation.