MAN SAYS THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE

A teacher at Newlands college is so confused that he is adamant that this is not his house. The teacher who has asked for name suppression believes that his place of work is in fact not his house. Therapists have been called in to stop this trend from spreading throughout the lost Indian teacher community. Harold Thompson, The Wellington Times

9 Year Old Girl Raped

A 9 year old girl from Upper Hutt was brutally raped last night by a mentally challenged 14 year old boy. The victim has been given name suppression, The rapist however was not given name suppression his name is Daniel Langford. It is believed that Mr Langford has been indulging himself in paedophilia websites such as www.Kindertakes itupdabum.com. When police raided his residence they found 3 decomposing bodies of what appeared to be rabbits, Mr Langford trial is due to commence on the 14th of January 2012 he faces 3 counts of bestiality and 4 counts of rape of a minor and 1 count of Murder. When our reporter Owen Huckle went to interview Mr Langford he responded by lunging himself at Owen and viciously raped Mr Huckle. Mr Langford has been described by The Crown Chief Criminal Psychologist Dr Clive Heather as being a menace to society and a Compulsive Rapist. What will become of Daniel Langford this reporter thinks that I hope he likes the Prison Showers. Frank Beasley, The Wellington Times

CAT RUNS INTO WALLS

A very silly cat has been sighted running into walls.

Delighted owners are proud to admit that there cat Scrambles runs The Wellington Times CEO Allan Helfax is asking members of the public to donate into walls daily. generously for their new project a chocolate fountain in their headquarters. Mr Helfax Scrambles has believes that the new chocolate fountain will help boost public relations for the company. A hotline has already been established ring this number for an instant $20 a inherited donation 0800-4357-87 (0800-HELP-US) Winston Chuck, The Wellington Times cataract problem and is legally blind. William Buck, The Wellington Times

THE WELLINGTON TIMES IS SEEKING OUT DONATIONS TO HELP FUND A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN FOR THERE LOBBY.