What is Body Language?

In a face-to-face meeting, part of the face-tocommunication is carried in a non-verbal nonform, what is often called body language.

Why is body language so important?

There are two principal reasons:


People remember more of what they see than what they hear. Through life experience, we have learned, perhaps unconsciously, that people often lie with words, but facial expressions and other body language tend to be more honest. When a person's words and body language are consistent, we believe that person.

The Vocabulary Of Body Language

1. Positive Body Language Positive body language is generally quite reliable as an indicator of a person's feelings. It signals interest in the other person and in the conversation.


Relaxed posture Comfortably seated, relaxed breathing, no visible stiffness or abrupt movements. These indicate no major barriers to communication. Arms relaxed Uncrossed arms and open hands (palms up or otherwise visible to the other person) are signs of openness.

Good eye contact Looking in the other person's eyes, particularly ooking when he is speaking, indicates interest in that person. Proper eye contact involves looking away occasionally to avoid staring. Nodding agreement When nods are used to punctuate key things the other person has said, they signal agreement, interest and understanding. However, continual unconscious bobbing of the head usually indicates that the listener is tuning out. Taking notes Shows interest and involvement, particularly if notes are on what the other person is saying.

Smiling This is a very positive sign. It signals a warm, personal relationship. Leaning closer Reducing the distance between two people, particularly when the other person is speaking, indicates interest is up and barriers are down. Gesturing warmly Talking with hands, particularly with palms open, indicates involvement in the conversation and openness to the other person. For all of these positive gestures, moderation is the rule. When they are exaggerated, they can become more negative than positive.

2. Negative Body Language Actions that are generally considered negative may just be a matter of comfort for this person, may indicate that the person is tired, or may result from other matters that are weighing on this person's mind.


Tense body Stiffness, wrinkled brow, jerky body motion, hands clasped in front or palms down on the table. Arms folded in front This creates a barrier and can express resistance to what is being said. Hand on face A hand over one's mouth is a closed gesture. Leaning on one's elbow with the chin in the hand can communicate boredom.

Fidgeting Moving around a lot, playing with things and drumming fingers are usually signs of boredom, nervousness or impatience. Arms behind head, leaning back In a well-established relationship, this can be a relaxed wellgesture. In a new relationship, it is often used to express a desire for control or power. Yawning This signals boredom or confusion. The other person is talking too much or in too much technical detail. Impatience Some signs are trying to interrupt what the other person is saying or opening one's mouth frequently as if to speak.

Distraction Eyes flicking about, blank stares, flipping through literature without really reading it, looking at others in the office or looking at the person's body or clothing all represent distraction. Leaning away Avoiding moving closer, even when something is handed to the person, is strongly negative. Negative facial expressions These include shaking head, eyes narrowed, scowling.

Using Body Language Effectively

There are two ways you can use body language to enhance your face-to-face meetings: face-to1. Observe the customer's body language. 2. Control your body language.

1. Observing The Customer's Body Language



From the moment you greet the customer, observe the customer's body language. At the beginning of the meeting, it is normal for customers to appear somewhat reserved or nervous. If this is a new relationship, the customer may not be ready to trust you yet. As the meeting progresses, the customer should normally warm up and begin to display more open body language. Pay particular attention to any changes in the customer's body language, both positive and negative.

Positive moves are buying signals -- you are on the right track and should keep going in the direction where you are headed. Negative moves are objections. They mean that you and the customer are beginning to diverge. Stop the track you are on, and get back in sync with the customer. If the customer's body language is expressing discomfort or disagreement with what you are saying, you need to uncover the basis for the customer's discomfort and restore the positive track. If the customer is dropping out of the conversation, it is time to stop talking and ask an openopen-ended question to get the customer involved again.

2. Controlling Your Own Body Language One person's body language unconsciously influences how the other person in a meeting feels. Speak a familiar language


Maintain good posture, sitting erect but not stiff. Hands should be visible and open. Avoid closed gestures, such as crossing your arms across your chest. Smile. Maintain eye contact, particularly while the customer is speaking. This says you care about what the customer is saying. To avoid staring, look away occasionally to take notes or to look at materials the customer has brought.

Focus your attention on the customer. Avoid fidgeting or letting your eyes wander while the customer is speaking. These actions will draw the customer's attention away from the conversation and suggest you would rather be somewhere else. Nod agreement. This is positive if you do it convincingly and in appropriate places. If you do it automatically, it says you are not listening. Occasionally express agreement verbally to reinforce nods.

Reflect the customer's language Make customers feel more comfortable at first by matching their body language. For example: If the customer's body language is very open, match it. If it is reserved or nervous, tone down your enthusiasm a bit to make the customer more comfortable. If the customer prefers to maintain some distance, avoid moving too closely. If the customer moves slowly and makes few gestures, avoid extensive gesturing and quick movements.

Using Body Language To Influence The Way The Customer Feels



Start with body language that is generally considered to be positive. Carefully observe the customer's body language. Alter your body language to more closely match the customer's. During the meeting, if you think a more positive tone is desirable, gradually change your body language to be more positive in order to influence the way the customer feels. Always make positive transitions in your body language while the customer is speaking. This says you support the customer's ideas and feelings. If you make changes when you begin to speak, it may say that you are trying to take control.

Additional Body Language Techniques

1. Match your words and body language


The customer will trust you less if you attempt to use body language that differs markedly from what you are saying. If you are honest in both, and use both to express your sincere interest in helping the customer.

2. Maintain the right distance People have a comfort zone for how close they want other people to come; only people they feel very comfortable with are allowed to penetrate within a certain distance. Follow these guidelines to maintain a comfortable distance:


Follow the customer's lead. From the moment you greet customers, watch where they stand. This will tell you how close to approach. If they back away a bit after the handshake, maintain a greater distance. Don't tower over the customer. If you are much taller than the customer, be especially careful to keep a comfortable distance. Once you are seated and the customer communicates more openness, you can begin to approach more closely.

Be careful about touching. A firm, brief handshake is always acceptable for greeting someone you do not know well. Other touching is uncomfortable for many people. Move closer together at an appropriate time. This is valuable in strengthening the positive relationship. But when you move closer to the customer, do it for a reason:
1. You can move closer to the customer to look at a document together, like a brochure. 2. If the customer begins to lean closer, expressing positive energy towards you, it is OK for you to lean closer as well.