1 The Residonts Episode 2 No clowns allowed Part I LOBBYCJ is wiping down the front doors with a rag as the

lobby phone begins to RING. He then slowly walks over to the desk area and picks up the phone. CJ- Belmore, Beumont, Fisher. CJ speaking, how may I help you? Yes it is. Until four-thirty. Okay. Take care now. Bye bye. He hangs up the phone as Dave walks out into the lobby. DAVE- Have you seen the wrench at all. The big red one? CJ- Nope. Diego probably took it." DAVE- He swears that he never touched it. CJ- Like the screwdriver he supposedly didnt take last week? Or the plunger left downstairs, and oh the hose extension for the vac. Wait a minute. I take that back. I think Bill had that. DAVE- Why in the world would Bill have the hose extension? CJ- Beats me. DAVE- You gotta be kidding me around here." At this moment an attractive looking woman broker, KAREN, walks into the building followed by an older gentleman, JACKSON OSHEA. KAREN- Hello? CJ turns towards the door and is instantly enamored by the woman. CJ- Hell-lowwww." KAREN- I may have just spoken to you on the phone. My name is Karen Whittman. Im with Lux Realtors. I was asking about the open house. CJ- Yes. Its still open. And damn them if they shut it down without letting your beautiful self take a peek. My name is CJ, and I will help you with anything you need." KAREN- Why that is so kind of you. Actually, Im here with a client of mine. His name is Jackson OShea. I wanted to show him the apartment. The man now steps up to CJ and offers his hand to shake. As CJ does so, Jackson reaches out with his left hand and touches CJs right ear. Upon doing so, a white flower magically pops out which Jackson now attempts to hand to CJ. JACKSON- You might score a few more points if you give the young lady this.

CJ is petrified. CUT TO: A family is shown in their living room watching a television program which has them in stitches. The husband and wife sit on a couch while two little boys sit on the floor. CJ is about six years old wearing a one piece Cookie Monster pajama. As the rest of the family laughs, CJ appears to have the same frozen look on his face as he stares at the television in fear. Suddenly, the child begins to make a gurgling noise as if about to vomit. The family, continuing to laugh, direct their attention over to little CJ and laugh even harder. BACK TO LOBBYCJs mouth is open as he sweats profusely. He now begins to make the same gurgling noise and quickly runs passed the front doors and bolts outside to vomit. Karen looks over at Dave. KAREN- Is he alright? DAVE- He was. The three now make their way to the front door and look through the glass. JACKSON- I believe the lad to be gagging on the sidewalk. DAVE- Why look at that. He is. CJ is shown bent over clutching his stomach. With a paled look on his face, he looks over at the front doors. Jackson sees him and smiles as he waves hello which prompts CJ to vomit some more. 4TH FLOORDiego props open a step ladder and is about to climb up to replace a burnt out light bulb.

Suddenly, the door to apartment 4B opens up and out steps MARCUS COSTA, a suave and good looking gentleman in his early thirties. Diego is shocked. DIEGO- Marcus? What jou doin in there? MARCUS- Ah, nothing Diego. An arm now slips through the slightly opened door dangling at tie which Marcus nervously snatches. DIEGO- I thought jou were on lunch break. MARCUS- I was. But dont say anything. Okay? DIEGO- Okay. I don know what is goin on but dont worry abou. I no say anything." PORTERS ROOMCJ is laid out on a couch with a wet towel on his forehead. The door to the room now opens as Marcus enters. CJ- Get caught. Diego told me he saw you coming out of 4Bs apartment. MARCUS- Are you serious? That little rat bastard. How? CJ now holds up a CB radio. MARCUS- Whatever. Is anything kept a secret around here? CJ- Apparently not. Since when has this been going on? MARCUS- A few months. Look, Im doing this for all of us. Im taking one for the team. Possibly raise our holiday bonuses at the same time. Anyway, whats up with you? Dave told me you were up-chucking on the sidewalk like some drunk floozy." CJ- I dont know what happened. One minute I was fine and then, wham! I havent felt like that since. Since. Forget about it. MARCUS- You brought it up dude. Since what? CJ- Since this stupid show from back in the days. It was called B.B.s fun zone." MARCUS- Hey, I remember that show. I used to watch it all the time, it was hysterical. So, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You got sick from what, the show? B.B.? Youre afraid of clowns? CJ makes a moaning sound. Marcus now bursts out into laughter. MARCUS- I cant believe that. Thats a good one. CJ- Im not afraid of all clowns. It was him. It was just him. There was something about that

4 satanic freak of a clown I could never stomach. CUT TO: A distorted and evil looking clown is up close on the camera. He appears to have sharp teeth and speaks in a very low and demonic voice. B.B. THE CLOWN- Toot-a-loo boys and girls. BACK TO: CJ leans back down on the couch reapplying the wet towel to his head. MARCUS- I still dont get it. Why did you suddenly get sick? CJ- Some broker walked in with this man. He then shakes my hand and pulls a freakin daisy out of my ear. After that I got sick. MARCUS- Ah, yeah. Hey, maybe youre afraid of magic, which sucks for you because I heard Gallagher lives in the neighborhood. CJ (Annoyed)- He wasnt a magician. Get out! Just leave! MARCUS- Fine. But, Ill leave with this. Too-a-loo boys and girls. Marcus lets out a freakish LAUGH and shuts the door behind him. LOBBYMarcus steps off the elevator and is immediately met by Diego. MARCUS- Diego! I thought you said you werent going to say anything? DIEGO- Just one person. CJ, thats it. MARCUS- You positive?" DIEGO- Jes! MARCUS- Good. He hands Diego a red lipstick. MARCUS- Now here. This lipstick was in the elevator. DIEGO- Thats no mine. MARCUS- I didnt say it was yours. I found it in the elevator. DIEGO- Okay. And what jou wan me to do with that? MARCUS- Nevermind. Diego is pensive. DIEGO- Ooh, ooh ooh. Wait a minute, wait a minute! Give it to me! I take it.

5 Diego quickly snatches the lipstick and walks into the elevator. Marcus then walks over to apartment 1L and KNOCKS on the door. DAVE- Come in. Marcus enters the apartment. He now sees Dave wearing a red clown nose. DAVE- Wheres CJ? I want to give him this. Itll help him ward off any evil clowns." Dave laughs to himself. MARCUS- He told you the story huh? I heard you wanted to see me. Dave quickly stops smiling and gets serious. DAVE- Whats happening with 4B? MARCUS- What!? Diego is something else. DAVE- All Im saying is, knock it off and quick. News like that travels fast in this place. And if it reaches 4Bs husband, theres going to be major problems. You got it? MARCUS- Yeah, yeah. But hes on a business trip. Hes gone for at least for two weeks. DAVE- When is he coming back exactly? MARCUS- Next Saturday. DAVE- Okay, Thursday. After that knock it off. MARCUS- Nice! BASEMENTCJ walks over to the elevators and presses the button. He takes a peek around a corridor and sees Diego with his back turned attempting to fix something. CJ- Hey D. Im going upstairs. Dave didnt leave did he? Diego continues to work, ignoring CJ. CJ- Diego. Diego. Diego! CJ is frustrated as he walks over to Diego and turns him around. He now comes face to face with Diego whose hair is wet and slicked over to one side. He also has red lipstick smeared on his cheeks in the form of an extended smile.

Diego now grabs CJ by his shirt collar and holds a screwdriver to his neck. DIEGO- Jou want to know how I got these scars? CJ looks at Diego, unaffected. CJ- If youre trying to scare me. Its not working Diego. Im not afraid of clowns. DIEGO- I got jou. Ah huh, I got jou CJ. Diego laughs to himself. DIEGO- Oh man that was good. Jou wan to know how I got these scars? Thats a goo one." LOBBYCJ exits the elevator and walks over to the desk area where Marcus is typing on CJs computer. CJ- What are you doing?" MARCUS- CJ, Im sending 4Bs husband an e-mail not to come back next week. What do you think? CJ- Are you joking? Tell me youre joking right now cuz if not, thats not a good idea. MARCUS- Check it out. Dear baby, dont come home next week. Its simple, straight and to the point. And, send. Marcus presses the send button on the laptop. MARCUS- Now. I have good news and bad news. CJ- What is it? MARCUS- Your broker friend left with that man. You can work the rest of your shift knowing that your stomach will be at ease. CJ- Great. He probably hated the apartment. Its actually priced pretty high. MARCUS- Bad news. Broker mentioned she was coming back with him because he seemed to like the apartment. CJ- Ah jeez. At this moment Ms. Tannenbaum steps off the elevator and heads towards the desk. CJ and Marcus see the woman and they both start to COUGH. CJ/MARCUS- Potting soil. Ms. Tannenbaum is now followed by NANCY TRAYLOR, a woman in her late seventies who steps off another elevator.

7 Ms. Tannenbaum arrives at the desk and seems upset. MS. TANNENBAUM- Can you please give me the number to management. CJ- What is the problem Ms. Tannenbaum? MS. TANNENBAUM- I find it highly disturbing that Diego is in the basement about to mop. And hes wearing lipstick! Ms. Traylor quickly chimes in. MS. TRAYLOR- You know these Latinos. They can be so flamboyant at times. Hes probably listening to Ricky Martin as we speak. CUT TO: Diego dips a mop into a yellow colored bucket as he is wearing headphones. He SINGS. DIEGO- Ups-i, in-si out, she livin la vida loca. BACK TO: MS. TANNENBAUM- Ill get the number when I get back." She exits the building as Marcus holds open the door. MARCUS- So CJ, what are you going to do about your clown flu? CJ- I dont know but, I definitely have to find a way to keep that man far away from this building. Dave now walks out and a heads for the front doors. He is still wearing the clown nose. DAVE- Okay you two bozos. See you later. He smiles as he throws on a baseball cap and now leaves the building.