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Breaking Dating Myths
Breaking Dating Myths
SUMMARY
Stimulate her with the widest possible range of positive emotions (and even some contrasting ones - more on this later). Use your words, actions and the environment youre in. This ensures the time spent with you will have an impact on her and stick in her mind. 2. The Physical Intimacy
You should become more intimate over the course of the date. Far too many dates end with the awkward kiss on the doorstep or in the car due to a lack of physical progression throughout the date. Why is this important? It makes it implicitly clear you have no intention of ending up in the friends zone. It also indicates youre a sexually confident and proactive man. Remember, a woman doesnt want to be responsible for her own seduction.
This is where you verbally set the stage for a sexual relationship. By making her comfortable with sexual topics you establish the frame sex isnt a big deal. Its the most natural thing in the world. Like all of the steps above, this is a crucial one in developing a sexual relationship and having a successful date. Many of the problems men run into on dates stem from their acceptance of common dating practices. They watch movies, read novels, hear one-off stories or worse listen to womens romanticized advice or follow outdated or inaccurate information about how a date should be. The nice guy gets the girl story, purported by Hollywood movies, feeds on our fantasy to just be seen for who we really are without actually having to DO anything. The reality is you have to be proactive on dates If any magic is going to happen on the date, it will due to you whipping out and waving the magic wand.
Boyfriend/Provider
Security Provides Resources Predictable Loyalty Safety Protection Comfortable Family and Children Emotional/Financial Stability Social Conformity Acceptance
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These are the foundations needed to begin a sexual relationship in the fastest possible time. For a more in depth look at the Triad Model, view the video companion. (We can throw in Hoss video for SC 2011 and just cut the tails of it.)
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Playing games Disqualifying yourself as a sexual prospect o This is counter intuitive, but it hits hard and its a great way to cloak your escalation
BUILD COMFORT
The amount of comfort and connection needed to build a long-term relationship is larger than the amount needed for just sex. A woman needs to know enough about you to trust that you are who you say you are. Do this and she will be safe going back to your house or bringing you back to hers. She will be assessing over the course of the dateconsciously and sub-consciouslyto see: 1. If you remain consistent with the attractive image that you portrayed in the initial meeting 2. How comfortable she feels around you 3. Whether or not she can see you as a part of her life and if so, what type of role will you play. Most of the time shell be sizing up your relationship potential and going too deep into comfort will increase your relationship potential and hinder the speed at which things turn sexual.
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The best comfort builder in this sense is revealing your passions and your purpose. These are the things that get you to jump out of bed in the morning. When you talk about them, there should be passion in your voicenot because youre trying to seem enthused, but because you cant help but be enthused. Its controlled and genuine. Your passion/purpose should be the driving force of your life.
As youre weaving the above into your conversation, use it as an opportunity to show both sides of your personality. If you were high-energy and witty during your first meet, sprinkle in bits of your intellectual side. Shell love the intrigue, and she wants to see your full emotional range. By seeing this range, she can better gauge who you are away from her.
An interesting comfort builder is giving your unique view of the world. This means you tell her how you see the world, as you filter it through the attraction switches in your stories. Here is an example from Vercetti: For example: Vercetti: I read something that really resonated with me today Sylvia: What? Vercetti: What are you scared of? Sylvia: I dont know, I hate spiders. Vercetti: Youre adorable, I mean in your life This guy said something really interesting he said its ok to be scared, when taking on something new being a little scared is natural and can inspire you to prepare well and do your best. Its Fear that we have to watch out for. Fear is paralyzing and stops you from taking chances in life. I thought that was a great way to look at it and when I think back to the crazy things Ive done recently, Ive been scared but taken action anyway and its always pushed me to stay sharp and work even harder, and things have turned out great. These are the active comfort builders, ones you steer the conversation toward. However, just as much comfort can be built passively.
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Here are a few areas you can start leading to develop the Leadership muscle: Physical o When crossing the road take her by the hand to escort her across then release once you get to the other side. o When opening a door for her, placing you hand on her lower back and guide her through. o If youre going through a crowded place, lightly take her hand behind you as you lead her through the crowd. o As a rule of thumb, initiate physical contact but also be the one to break contact first. Emotional o See yourself as a master of her emotional state. Over the course of the date you will be leading her emotionally through the topics and themes you bring up, but mainly by cycling her through the key stages of the emotional progression model.
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So basically youre trying to impress me? o Changing topics Well this is great first date conversation isnt it? Be willing to call out inappropriate conversation in a playful dominant way. Logistical o o Progress toward your place on the date and have a plan of where to go. Be decisive. If you can sense the environment getting stale and youre struggling with conversation, it can be an ideal time to change venue.
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If youre at an art exhibition, wonder off and look at artwork without waiting for her. Boundaries Breaking rapport o I dont know you well enough, Ill tell you later once we trust each other
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SUMMARY
Dating Myths place awkward and unnatural pressure on women. However, if you adopt your own non-judgmental beliefs about dating, you can liberate a woman from the awkward social pressure she faces. Before you start this book. Go to the Introduction workbook and complete the exercises on prior dates.
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