INT.

KENNYS BATHROOM The scene opens on KENNY in the shower, early 20s, the kind of man who reminds you of a wandering philosopher. His curly red hair is worn in a bizarre, elegant style and his wardrobe is uncomplicated with a touch of strange. He lathers his hair as if there were never a conflict in the Middle East. RYAN enters the house. Tall and 20 years old, he puts you in the mind of a curious squirrel crossed with an elegant piece of art. His thick brown hair is worn in a careless yet carefully-crafted style that partly covers his left eye. He makes his way to the kitchen, leans against the counter and starts reading food labels. Kenny exits the bathroom, towel around waist. As soon as he opens the bathroom door he begins talking. KENNY Showers lie, dude! RYAN (not looking up from an Ingredients list) That would be assuming that showers have both the means and the motive to lie. KENNY (not letting Ryans nonchalance ruin his rant) No, it couldnt be more true! The turny knob; turn-turn-turn for hot, turn-turn-turn for cold, but the only position were interested in is the one between here Kenny mimes putting his hand on the shower-turny-knob Kenny mimes turning the knob one nano-millimeter to find the elusive ideal shower temperature. KENNY and here! The difference between fantastically hot...and fuckin freezing. RYAN Showers turn us all into safe crackers, they do. Ryan mimes cracking a safe until he focuses his gaze on Kenny.

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RYAN Wait, how did you know I was here? KENNY Here? RYAN Yeah, in the house. You just hopped out of the shower and started talking to me. KENNY (starting off confidently) I... (skips a beat, confidence dwindling) dont know. RYAN Im pretty sure were missing a few lines here. You need to spend more time on prewriting dude. KENNY Who says this is my script? Were both featured in this scene. RYAN Truth, truth. (reaches into cupboard behind a box of protein bars, pulls out yellow legal pad: the script.) Well, now it can be our script. Kenny moves next to Ryan and the camera switches to an over-the-shoulder shot, exposing Ryan and Kennys view of the top sheet of the pad, the title page. KENNY "Untitled"? Im not putting my name on this piece of garbage. camera pans back as Kenny and Ryan talk in unintelligible voices over the script. Kenny reaches for a pen.

3. INT. KENNYS BATHROOM The scene opens on Kenny in the shower, shown from the waist up. He lathers his hair as if Rwanda never saw a genocide. Kenny exits the bathroom and walks towards the kitchen, where he sees Ryan standing at the open refrigerator. KENNY Is this where were at? Barge-on-in, help-yourself status? Ryan closes the fridge door slightly gentler than you would a car door and is holding a jar of jam. RYAN (clearly already planning on saying something, so he ignores the question.) On what day do you think God made jam? KENNY (skips a beat, disappointed astonishment on his face) I think this may actually be worse than the last draft of Act I. Ryan stares, waiting for an answer. KENNY Probably the evening of the sixth, as an afterthought, along with thighs that go *bblleeuh* and maps of Belgium. RYAN Shall we have some toast? I believe that was the fifth day, with the ducks. KENNY We can have some bread, but Ive never been one for toasters. They lie, did you know? Kenny starts spreading jam on bread slices. RYAN (hesitantly, realizing he has said this before) That would be assuming that toasters have both the means and the motive to lie.

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KENNY (not letting unoriginal dialogue get in the way of his rant) Toasters have a turny-knoby-dial on the side...and it lies to us. For they have numbers 1 through 6...and they do not tell the truth. You set it for 4, your toast comes out a 3! RYAN (nodding) This is going better.

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INT. KENNYS TABLE RYAN Why are you still in a towel? KENNY (gesturing to script) I dont see a cue for me to change. What happens next? RYAN Now is probably the time where SEAN would show up. camera angle has Kenny and Ryan in view with Kennys front door in the background. Sean enters, skinny and the kind of guy that often gets described as a cool cat. When he walks he struts slightly, giving the appearance of being constantly collected. If he shaved his head he could be mistaken for a hard drug user, but his current short brown hair reflects a simple style. but Kenny and Ryan make no notice and continue talking. RYAN and if Sean shows up, now is probably the time that Sean has a cigarette. Sean in the background holds a cigarette in his mouth and begins to light it. KENNY You cant smoke inside here. Background Sean, hearing this, looks dejected. RYAN Not even in fiction? Background Sean perks up, readying his lighter again and waiting on Kennys response. KENNY (shaking head) Its a cruel imaginary world weve built for ourselves. Background Sean returns to dejection. RYAN Maybe hes wearing a cake-looking-hat on his head like old ladies at church.

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Background Sean now has a box of cake mix on his head. KENNY No, hed probably fuck that up. Background Sean now has a bare head. SEAN (frustrated) Give me something to do! RYAN (scribbling on the script) Can it, youre in the background! Background Sean is now tied and bound, sitting upside down on the couch. KENNY Should we have him shower? RYAN Another shower? KENNY (writing on the script) Fuck it man, its a theme. Sean disappears from the background and the shower starts running.

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INT. KENNYS TABLE Ryan and Kenny remain seated, the shower stops running. Sean exits the bathroom in a skimpy towel. RYAN Alright, he just got out of the shower, why is is hair not wet? KENNY Well fix it later. Ryan puts his head to his temple and shakes his head slightly. RYAN And if you think Im going to be the dirty duckling character here, ya dead wrong. (looks to Kenny) Write me in a towel? Kenny adds to the script with dramatic strokes of the pen. Ryan goes to a drawer that should clearly not hold towels and removes a towel. He enters the bathroom, and the shower starts. SEAN (after a few seconds) Do I get any lines here? Sean speaking meekly startles Kenny, who tilts his head at Sean to appear confused and then looks down at the script. KENNY Thats not in the script. NICK enters the front door, just recently 21, who puts you in the mind of a sturdy tree. He has large, dark eyes that are like windows looking out on a warm spring day, and with a personality to match. His auburn hair matches his well-to-do outlook on life while still letting his rambunctious side through. He walks to the table with purpose. KENNY (with and attitude, as if addressing the Heavens) Okay, and thats not in the script! NICK (looks at legal pad with curiosity and interest) (MORE)

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NICK (contd) Script? KENNY Yeah, were working on a script, but its kind of a work in progress. Nick grabs the script and pen from the table and Kenny puts up a disinterested fight. Nick prances a few feet away like a middle schooler whos just intercepted a note they know they shouldnt read. SEAN (abruptly standing up from chair, complaining in the style of a kid whose twin got a better birthday gift than him) Aaw, switch roles with me! Youre actually getting action! Nick looks curiously at Seans towel before quickly scribbling on the pad. He writes with a creative spark in his eye and sticks his tongue slightly out the side of his mouth.

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EXT. A FIELD Scene opens with a wide establishing shot showing Sean, Kenny and Nick in am open field. in similar respective positions to the last scene. Nick stands with the script, Sean stands in a towel. Kenny is in a seated position from last scene but with no chair under him he falls on his butt as the camera starts rolling. He looks around baffled, and Sean looks up and scans his head back and forth as if explanations grow on trees. Ryan stands naked a few feet away, no longer encompassed by a shower. Seans hair is now wet. RYAN (holding a black censor bar over his genitals while moving towards Nick as quickly as his situation allows him to) The hell?!? And you didnt even include my towel in the set change? NICK Chill man, this is constructive. You cant have a story without conflict. RYAN (with conviction) Give me this. Ryan grabs the pen and pad and writes, clearly favoring speed over neatness.

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INT. KENNYS BATHROOM Camera is focused on the shower which holds Sean, Kenny and Nick with Ryan in the center. Ryan looks back and forth shocked and immediately dawns a "doh" face as he understands the situation; he moves all the characters back to the shower, not just himself. RYAN I need to be more specific. Ryan scribbles on the pad again and is now alone in the shower as Kenny, Sean and Nick return to the table. The camera cuts to them. Sean is talking in a hushed tone to Nick, slightly laughing and grinning. Whatever Sean is saying is making Nicks face grow increasingly concerned. NICK I am in no way comfortable with that. SEAN Relax, its fiction! NICK Oh! Yeah! KENNY (urgently leaning in, with script and pen at the ready) Whatre you guys saying? Camera cuts back to Ryan in the shower turning the water off and grabbing the towel from over the shower door. LIA opens the shower door or curtain. Her demeanor reminds you of a randy demon who just wants to have fun. Her straight, medium-length hair the color of extra dark chocolate contrasts her cream-colored skin, and is worn in an attractively plain style. LIA (as seductively as she can, in an unnatural Jewish accent) You dont look bad in a towel, Ryan. RYAN You dont look bad in sweatpants(slight change of tone, as if he realizes what hes saying) (MORE)

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RYAN (contd) -er, well. Wait, are you and Nick dating in this sketch? LIA Im all clean shaven like a 13-year-old boy at his Bar Mitzvah. RYAN (eyes widening) What LIA My large, Jewish body needs some lovin. A metaphorical lightbulb goes off in Ryans head. He looks towards the door, pushes Lia beside and walks. LIA (enthusiastically to Ryan as he walks away) Im sizzling like a latke right off the pan! Ryan opens the door to find Kenny, Nick and Sean huddled over the script laughing. RYAN This is not a soap opera! And that doesnt even make sense! Shes not Jewish! Sean and Nick meet Ryans eyes but Kennys stay down at the script, writing something. The camera moves to show Ryan in the bathroom doorway with Lia and Nick in the shower together behind him. Ryan turns around. RYAN (throwing hands up and closing bathroom door) I AM NOT IN THIS SCENE!

12. INT. KENNYS TABLE While Nick and Lia continue to shower, Kenny and Sean argue over the direction of the script. KENNY Why would they go to Belgium, Sean? (Kenny stands as well as raising his voice) That doesnt make any sense. SEAN Better than your idea! A precision toaster? What a waste! Its not a hard concept; you wait for the toast to pop up and (Sean slams his fists on the table and stands up,) toast it again for half the time! KENNY That might be helpful if toasters had timers, but whatre you gonna do when youre across the room deciding between soups and you let the toast toast for the full double time? BURNT TOAST. IN THE TRASH WITH IT. RYAN You said "toast" twice in a row. SEAN AND KENNY Stay out of this, Ryan! Nick bursts out of the bathroom with intensity as if he had been part of the argument all along. Lia follows Nick out of the bathroom quietly. SEAN Whered you get a towel?? NICK Toast is both a noun and a verb, and although it may sound a bit unconventional I will not live in a world where convection rules! RYAN (standing up, trying to insert excitement into his bland observations) You said "convection", like the type of oven!

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SEAN AND KENNY AND NICK Stay out of this, Ryan! Lia slowly and casually picks up the pen and pad from the table; the boys, engrossed in argument, do not notice. She takes it to the couch, takes a seat and flips back to the title page. All the boys are standing in a circle shouting nonsense. The camera switches to an over-the-shoulder shot of Lia who is moving the pen across the page. She crosses out "Untitled". The scene closes with the camera focused on a table in the close foreground with the guys visible but out of focus in the background. The towels around the waists of Nick, Kenny, Sean and Ryan fall to the floor. The yellow legal pad is dropped on the table with Lias edited title in view: Super Gay Stuff. THE END