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    Page 1: (1) Deleted Hannah Jacobson 4/24/12 10:09 AM

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    Hannah Jacobson
    This document appears to be draft sections and comments from a paper about an escape. It describes three men preparing for an escape on June 11, 1962, where they went from the roof of a building to a crude raft and set off into the bay for freedom. One comment discusses elaborating on background for context, while another comment addresses removing empty wording from a sentence.

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    Page 1: (1) Deleted Hannah Jacobson 4/24/12 10:09 AM

    Uploaded by

    Hannah Jacobson
    9 views1 page
    This document appears to be draft sections and comments from a paper about an escape. It describes three men preparing for an escape on June 11, 1962, where they went from the roof of a building to a crude raft and set off into the bay for freedom. One comment discusses elaborating on background for context, while another comment addresses removing empty wording from a sentence.

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    HJacobsonFinalConceptProposal.2

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    This document appears to be draft sections and comments from a paper about an escape. It describes three men preparing for an escape on June 11, 1962, where they went from the roof of a building to a crude raft and set off into the bay for freedom. One comment discusses elaborating on background for context, while another comment addresses removing empty wording from a sentence.

    Copyright:

    Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    Download as pdf or txt
    9 views1 page

    Page 1: (1) Deleted Hannah Jacobson 4/24/12 10:09 AM

    Uploaded by

    Hannah Jacobson
    This document appears to be draft sections and comments from a paper about an escape. It describes three men preparing for an escape on June 11, 1962, where they went from the roof of a building to a crude raft and set off into the bay for freedom. One comment discusses elaborating on background for context, while another comment addresses removing empty wording from a sentence.

    Copyright:

    Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    Download as pdf or txt
    of 1

    Page 1: [1] Deleted

    Hannah Jacobson

    4/24/12 10:09 AM

    . [1]As June 11, 1962 arrives rolls around the three men are ready and fully equipped for anything thrown at them during the escape.

    Page 1: [2] Comment [5]

    Hannah Jacobson

    4/24/12 10:15 AM

    I know that I wanted to keep this section brief, and just as background but elaborating a little gives more background so that when I mention this later my reader will be able to recall this from earlier making it easier to make connections throughout my paper.
    Page 1: [3] Deleted Hannah Jacobson 4/24/12 10:17 AM

    and onto the roof, from the roof they went down to the water, where they got on the crude raft with life vests on and set off into the horrific bay to freedom.

    Page 1: [4] Comment [6]

    Hannah Jacobson

    4/24/12 10:20 AM

    One of the aspects of my paper that I am working on is empty wording. I felt that the sentence continued to run on and on and said the same thing continuously. I want my paper to be concise yet descriptive so I needed to take out the empty wording and replace it with something more useful.

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