APPLICATION TO DATE MY SISTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete
financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME _____________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ____________
HEIGHT ________ WEIGHT _________ IQ __________ GPA _________
SOCIAL SECURITY #______________ DRIVERS LICENSE #____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_____________________________________________________
CITY/STATE ____________________________ ZIP______
Do you have parents?
___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _______________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________

If less than your age, explain:
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van?

__Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?

__Yes __No

C. A waterbed?
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?
E. A tattoo?
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,

__Yes __No
__Yes __No
__Yes __No
__Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE

APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER' mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? ____________
mother? ___________
pastor? ____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
____________________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
____________________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
____________________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT

TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,
DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS,
AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
__________________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________
________________________________
Mother's Signature
Father's Signature
_______________________________
________________________________
Pastor/Priest/ Rabbi
State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four
to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your
application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying
violin cases (you might want to watch your back) .