Memories of my lost love

The saddest part of life is the days that our memories haunt our conscience which moves you crazy; agitate them like; being you is a sin.. Those were the days that Ive enjoyed the best, days i was free like a fallen leaf in waves, aim was to build a bright future, dream was ever smiling face of my parents, it is the only main reason why I was here abroad, my above average marks in high school days makes me eligible to hold boarding pass. I was actually so thrilled new days different time zone, different culture, nights with no limits, a different tomorrow is giggling inside just like away from trouble making relatives, friends of my old man. I dont know what all things was in my mind when I felt the shivering movement of the plane. I gazed my eyes to all directions, felt like Im the only one who is new to this setup. From the start I fixed my mind and eyes to nearby fellow who was busy with his seat belts and comforting. Brilliantly I mugged the same, situations will teach you some lessons necessity will teach you how to adapt, with in no time I was an expert in seat belt technology. It was a long journey, but curiosity it is the best time killer, in no time I am in a different time zone, days becomes months I am no more a junior engineering guy struggling with the days I too have juniors.. When I was sophomore I was in love for the first time, you will get to know when you are in real love, even if the first time; you will understand you are in love for real!!! That is the magical head part of love involved see in how that pathetically words are running when and heart feelings. let me call her Diya. Yes Im in love for the first time [beforehand I

had infatuations] but this one it is so

different, even my junior year I was too friendly with my Chinese friend zeuij jian (still not sure about the spelling) I had a pretty good feelings towards her, within two weeks I overcome it and started watching other girls so easily. But Diya. For the first time.. I understood the real meaning of our

pledge Indians

that are

we my fixed

prompting brothers in mind

[.all and today

talks to all others family, friends, rivalries etal. Things were all normal till the day she went for her holidays to homeit was not the same after she changed a lot started avoiding my calls my talks my presence everything, at first I avoided it as some home bound sickness that she is in But it was not the same Sometimes life is so unpredictable, for me this part, I didnt expect in such a way No, in no other ways. During the first days of our relation, I felt like, how come couples broke up. My definition of break up was, break ups are that part of a relation to those peoples who is intolerable and rigid with nature. I was so proud of myself as I felt me like so adjusting, understanding and what to say an ideal androgenius she is the luckiest one; to hold my hand. But everything went upside down, what I saw or experience from her after holidays her was

sisters.]I

onwards all the other girls are my sisters. Words will be too boring if I started using it to express about her. Reminiscing the way she talks, walks everything makes me so crazy..within a week I was successful in expressing how I felt about her, my attempt was so sincere that she felt it like the same like I did. I was sooooo happy so that I even planned my next ten years with her. When atmosphere is she is around time is different,

running just like nothing, for the first time in my life I am punctual for something[meetings with her], for the first time a girl is talking to me so seriously and interestingly, for the first time dreams and reality is mingling like they are lovers. I felt like if you didnt experience love in your campus life, half your life is a waste, with the remaining half you have much things to do in future. For a year everything was good, did met daily chatted for hours, weekends were like summer holidays during our school life, my talks to her exceeds my total real time

only a start, I understood she is moving away from me, I feel so helpless. For

the first time I felt so insecure in my life... I feel suffocated; feel like hard to take each breath, everything around me was meaningless with out her.. I tried my level best to patch up her back to my life. But everything went futile. I tried to find out the reason behind her change in mind wait, what ever may the reason be, If some situation or some word could cause this mishap then what is the guaranty in a patch up Something inside me narrated Love, it is simply a type of infatuation put up with words, confect with age. My friends suggested me to leave her, but for me leaving her means a lot things I have to deal with, the hardest one was to wipe out her memories, time spent with her her thoughts tears in made occasionally my my lonely vision accompanies

life is miserable he will continue to use the same whenever he is in trouble. Friends are necessary part of life that will make your life so live, I underlined situation, this when I had this because countless

counseling sessions didnt help, but long talks with dear friends made me relaxed. But there is something preposterous I want to share, when ever you are involved with a difficult situation the best thing that makes you relax will be knowing about someone who is seriously disturbed than you. After Diyas incident the best thing that tickled my ears and relaxed my heart was the break ups of other two close friends. Am I wicked to laugh on sobbing friends?? Sadly I am I suppose everyone with my situation will agree with me (secretly). Anyway mishap is on its way and I am in search of diversions, mostly my search ends in literature works, which were themed with lost love. A good friend of mine advised me there is a world outside, there are people outside, and everyone is having problems of their own, without any problems no one will survive, no meaning to live. Problems are the best

evenings. Tears

blurred, I found my days with her was also blurring and vanishing from my sight. Some one suggested alcohol, I was so conscious about it. I had a reinforced thought in my mind about substance abuse, if someone depend to it when

gift that one had the more you survive the tougher you will be. He advised me to bag the break up as a spirit to overcome and win over it as a challenge He added she doesnt deserve an

My sleep in that journey was interrupted by a heavy shivering and announcement regarding the outside weather, it was rainy, my eyes popped outside the window, it was so cloudy outside ,sight is foggy and I feel so cool inside, I think it is a shadow evening with heavy rain outside, I look my watch it shows different, am I in a chaos? No, I gained my consciousness; I was from different time zone, Last few weeks flashed in front of my eyes. What the hell? I feel like so stupid and crazy, it made me so embarrassed. It is nearly time for landing because of bad weather flight is taking rounds. My eyes gazed outside, so greenery, it was a grate view outside, I feel so refreshed. After so many days, for the first time I feel so good from inside, I have many things to do with my holidays I want to polish my memories that I made with my fuzzy character, a small get together, a visit to old school in late evening in my old bicycle, sleep till my stomach hurts bucket list in my mind is expanding, I feel really good, I only wanted to get rid of that sophisticated schedule that

you. I want to believe it, I really do.

I came to know, if you are weeping for a girl; for others your picture will be like Bruno Amadios Crying Boy. I dont want to!!! I really wanted to control ME with in ME Why dont I take a break from this depressing atmosphere?? It is monsoon in Kerala, my parents faces flashed in my mind. I want to see them so badly, I need a break, I desperately wanted to breathe freely. I felt so dormant once I am in flight, reminisced the old days , first journey in air, my dreams, everything flashed like a chain of incidents, some

Ilayaraja background may do wonder

in such situations. Sometimes fate will do miracle with days, as my near ones said, time will eat your troubles it will dissolute your problems you like will nothing has happened, remember

everything with a smile

the so called developed country and autonomous life given me Eventually thoughts about her short shrift it shredded in to pieces, because now I have more important things to deal with. And for the first time I feel it incredibly easy to choose between the two Her or Me.

Now I can see the waving hands of my parents I can feel the warm hug of my father, I feel like so secure, and I would rather be no one else but myself again. -----END----

(arunx01@gmail.com)