SLASH PARK

written by J. Warner

REVISION 28 Scripped scripped.com August 2, 2012 Copyright (c) 2012 J. Warner All Rights Reserved

INT. CLASSROOM Before class starts, Kyle sits next to Stan. Hey, dude. Hey. STAN KYLE

The girls stop talking, turning their attention to Stan and Kyle. What's up? STAN

KYLE Not much. Just tired. The girls lean forward in their seats. STAN Didn't get much sleep last night? KYLE Yeah. Don't know why I couldn't fall asleep. The girls scoot their chairs over to Stan and Kyle. They don't notice. That sucks. INT. CAFETERIA Stan looks for a place to sit. He sees Bebe and Annie sitting together. BEBE There was so much subtext. ANNIE You could see the hurt in Kyle's eyes when Stan wouldn't-Stan sits next to them. They stop talking. Stan awkwardly picks his food as they look at him. Hey Stan. Hi? ANNIE STAN STAN

2. ANNIE STAN

How's Kyle. He's good?

ANNIE Do you even care. STAN Care about...? ANNIE His heart is breaking, Stan! Annie slaps Stan, then runs away. Bebe follows her. Kyle enters soon after and sits next to Stan. EXT. PLAYGROUND Wendy walks up to Stan. WENDY Stan, I'm breaking up with you. What?! Why? STAN

WENDY Because you'd rather be with Kyle. STAN No I wouldn't! WENDY Alright. I'd rather you be with Kyle. STAN You want me to be gay? WENDY It would be so much more satisfying to me to see you in a homosexual relationship with Kyle than it would to be in a heterosexual relationship with you. I hope you find happiness with him. Stan is baffled; Wendy walks away, then turns back.

3. WENDY But I also hope you have some manpain. She walks away. What. INT. HALLWAY Stan approaches Kyle at his locker. STAN Something weird's going on--what's all that? Kyle has an armful of cards and flowers. KYLE Dude! My locker was overflowing with this stuff. "u will find love one day!" "u have all my feels!" "fuck the haters! i love u!" All from chicks! Um... STAN STAN

KYLE I thought it was a secret admirer, but the handwriting's all different. Kyle? Yeah? STAN KYLE

STAN I think all the girls in our class want us to be gay. KYLE What do you mean, want us to be gay? STAN Like, it's a thing for them. Kyle pauses, confused.

4. KYLE If we were gay, where would they be? STAN I don't know. Watching? Kyle thinks about this. STAN Look, I don't know all the details, but they're going on about subtext and manpain and Wendy broke up with me because she wants us to be together. Hm... KYLE

STAN I guess the only thing we can do is ignore them and try to act as straight as possible. INT. CLASSROOM--NEXT DAY Kyle walks into class and sits next to Stan. Hey. Kyle looks shyly at Stan. Hey. KYLE STAN

Kyle, blushing, coyly stares at Stan. Stan doesn't notice. One of the girls whispers. LOLA Oh my god do you see the way he's looking at Stan? BEBE He's so the bottom. LOLA Power bottom. They giggle. BEBE I'm writing this and posting it to el-jay later.

5. EXT. PLAYGROUND CARTMAN Do you wanna play football with me and Kyle and Kenny? All the girls listen in the background. STAN No way, man! I'm gonna play with some boobs! I'm single so I gotta fill that hole--that void--that-fuck. Cartman and Kenny walk away; Kyle walks over to Stan. Kyle quickly looks behind him to make sure all the girls are listening and watching. Stan. What? KYLE STAN

Kyle stares into Stan's eyes for a long time. Stan stares back, expecting him to say something. KYLE Nothing. I'll see you later. Stan is confused. Behind him, the girls coo. INT. CLASS--NEXT DAY Lola stands in front of the class, reading a story. LOLA 'Lyle got lost in the blue abyss known as Sam's eyes. It wasn't the first time. He was lost as soon as he met Sam, and he'd never be found again.' The girls--and Kyle--wipe away tears. MR. GARRISON Who'd like to go next? Kyle raises his hand and walks to the front of the class. KYLE My story is called My Manpain. It is written in the first person point of view. It is... He locks his eyes with Stan's, staring for almost a minute,

6. before he speaks again. KYLE ...fiction. 'Every time he looks at me, I ache. I am his. But he will never be mine. Why can't he ever be mine? He is my manpain.' Annie lets out a high-pitched, sheer-shattering wail. EXT. PLAYGROUND BEBE Oh my god did you hear Kyle's story? LOLA He has all my feels. Stan storms past the girls to the other side of the playground where Kyle is. The girls follow. STAN Dude, what the fuck? What? KYLE

STAN That bullshit story-sharing time! I told you to act as straight as possible! I told you that all the girls think we're gay! Hurt, Kyle stares into Stan's eyes, but he's cut off. STAN Stop that! Why do you keep staring into my eyes all the time all of a sudden? Stan, I... KYLE

Kyle averts his gaze, then looks up again, staring into Stan's eyes. Then he runs away. ANNIE Oh. My. God. They are so my OTP.