CHAPTER TWO

SELF-EFFORT 1. Defining Self-Effort. If we had to try and summarize the message this writing up to now sought to convey, then we would say it communicates the fact that YHWH is the one that overcomes our sin for us and that lives the good Christian life through us, by means of inwardly our mind, will and emotions, and outwardly by means of our words and deeds. All of this He does in accordance with His Word. Self-effort, then, would entail the following: 1. Not relying on YHWH as the one that overcomes our sin for us and lives the Christian life through us. 2. Relying on the means to achieve above mentioned aims: My mind, will and emotions; my words or deeds; the Bible.... Let us now take a closer look at how the above manifests during the self-effort stage of our transformation into Yeshua's image. 2. Self-effort in attempting to overcome ingrained habits of sin. How does Foster describe this stage as far as attempts at overcoming sin is concerned? We quoted him as saying that whenever we are struggling with a sin we tend to respond to it in the following ways: 1. "Our ordinary method of dealing with ingrained sin is to launch a frontal attack..." 2. "We rely on our willpower... 3. "...and determination..." 4. "Whatever may be the issue for us - anger, fear, bitterness, gluttony, pride, lust, substance abuse - we determine never to do it again;..." 5. "...we pray against it,..." 6. "...fight against it,..." 7. "...set our will against it." (p.127) But what is wrong with using willpower to overcome sin? Is it wrong to be determined never to sin again? What is wrong with fighting and praying against it? Doesn't the Bible command us to resist evil, to pray? Surely we should use faculties such as our will and determination to resist sin! We would not have had these faculties if YHWH had not given them! Surely He would not have given it if it was not intended to be used. Surely it can't be bad - it came from Him, He is good, thus the gifts emanating from Him would necessarily also be good! Why then does Foster seem to cast all these good qualities in a bad light as far as overcoming sin is concerned? Making it sound as though it was of no use? He provides us with a clue in His usage of the term 'rely', "...we rely on our willpower...determination...prayer...." It is not that using willpower, determination, prayer etc is wrong per se, but the problem lies in relying on them. We should not be relying on these faculties, but on YHWH working through them. We all have an area in which we are especially susceptible to sin. Mine was in the area of overindulging my senses, and I was especially vulnerable in the area of sexuality. Before

being born again I was given to vain imaginations in this area. These vain imaginations were, amongst several sources, fed by exposure to lust inciting novels. Since coming to sexual maturity in High School I also struggled with masturbation and always felt terribly guilty about it. Later I also had some exposure to pornography. Dealing with this sin became the Everest my efforts centered upon. In attempting to overcome this sin I did exactly what Foster describes. I launched a frontal attack. I prayed against it. I tried to resist it with my will. Having fallen I always determined never to do it again.... After being born again I read books and heard teaching to the effect that your behavior is the result of what you think. Romans 12:2 says, "...be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Thus I thought that if only I were able to renew my mind sufficiently then I would be able to change this sexually impure behavior. I made an in-depth study of Dr. Neil T. Anderson's book: 'Victory Over the Darkness' in order to have a better understanding of my identity in Messiah, the premise being that if you know your identity then your behavior would of necessity also change. In order to know my identity I had to renew my mind to be filled with the facts about my new identity in Him. This was a process that started in all earnest when I was on a year long missionary project in 1995 and it continued right up until 1998. During 1998 on a second missionary trip to India I made myself business cards with statements about my identity. They were easy to carry around and could be looked at whenever a leisurely moment arose. All these were efforts by which I hoped to renew my mind as a consequence of which I hoped that my behavior would change. I must stress that renewing the mind is not wrong, but relying on the renewal of my mind to change me is wrong. We should be relying on YHWH to change us by means of the renewing of our mind. There is a massive difference between relying on the means and relying on the Giver of the means. During self effort I relied on the means. 3. Self-effort in attempting to live the good Christian life. As a result of my born-again experience at the beginning of 1994 I experienced incredible joy for almost six months! It was so wonderful that I did not want to do anything to loose it. Being a perfectionist and coming from a background where I associated YHWH's acceptance of me with my ability to perform I sought to be a 'good boy' and read my Bible and pray daily. Unconsciously, at that time, I thought they were things to do that would earn me the continuance of YHWH's joy! What Richard Foster wrote about our response to sin also has application to this area. I relied just as heavily on the setting of my will and determination to keep up a rigorous discipline of daily reading and prayer as for resisting sin, for example: During my final year at university I attended a one year Bible School. We had to prepare one Bible book per week which in the case of some of the longer first covenant books such as Genesis meant a reading of seven chapters per day. We not only had to read, we had to study these readings to gather material for regular assignments. All these things I did while completing my final year, becoming the first final year student out of nine previous candidates to both complete his final year and the Bible school at the same time. Was this discipline and the exertion of my will wrong? No, provided they were seen as means for YHWH to change me. Unfortunately that was not the case.

A very vivid memory of this fact dates back to 1995. Even to this day I can remember how I felt the prompting of the Spirit during daily readings to speak to me, but I would not stop and listen or commune with Him because it was more important to finish the day's reading!!! The focus was on the means and thus it was self-effort. Besides defining the good Christian life as preserving my joy and being faithful in daily prayer and Bible study I also viewed it as bearing the fruit of the Spirit. During 1995 we worked as a missionary team amongst farm laborers. It was my regular prayer every morning for YHWH to help me to be friendly, kind, gentle, loving, patient, longsuffering...the fruit of the Spirit. Every day I tried to be these things by exerting my will. This was self-effort, not because praying is wrong, not because we should not exert our will and neither because bearing the fruit of the Spirit was wrong. It was self-effort because I did not view prayer and the exertion of my will first of all as a means to receive YHWH into my inner man and secondly as the means through which He would manifest the good Christian life i.e. to be friendly, kind, gentle, loving.... A third example of self-effort stems from a definition of the Christian life I developed a little bit later in my spiritual journey. I discovered that we have to love YHWH. It was during missionary work in Calcutta in 1996 that I came upon 1 John 2:5-6, "But if anyone obeys His word, the Almighty's love is truly made complete in Him. This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Yeshua did." Simply stated: If you love YHWH you will obey His commandments. If you follow Yeshua 's example you are obeying Yahweh's commandments, thus you are loving Him. I started to reflect upon the fact that we ought to follow Yeshua 's example and discovered several texts admonishing us to follow His example, one of these being 1 Peter 2:18-24. To the following of His example verse 21 specifically alludes, "To this you were called, because Messiah suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps." The context is that of unjust suffering. I thought that to follow Yeshua 's example was to suffer unjustly. Because unjust suffering entailed following Yeshua 's example it had to be obedience to the Word, and thus it had to be viewed as loving YHWH. Throughout the rest of 1996 I read several books that I felt reaffirmed my idea about the value of suffering and self sacrifice. Some quotes from these books: Thomas A Kempis, p. 78-79, "But a true lover of Christ, and a diligent follower of virtues, does not fall back on comforts, or seek such sensible sweetnesses; but rather seeks hard exercises, and to bear severe labors for Christ..."

C.S. Lewis, p. 152, "The Eternal Being...became...a foetus inside a woman's body. The result of this was that you now had one man who really was what all men were intended to be: one man in whom the created life, derived from His mother, allowed itself to be completely and perfectly turned into the begotten life. The natural human creature in Him was taken up fully into the divine Son. Thus in one instance humanity had, so to

speak, arrived: had passed into the life of Christ. And because the whole difficulty for us is that the natural life has to be in a sense 'killed'. He chose an earthly career which involved the killing of His human desires at every turn..." I saw suffering as a way to have the sinful nature killed. Thus suffering became another way in which I hoped I would be able to overcome the sin of sexual impurity. During 1997 I incorporated suffering as a main leg of my vision and it served as a motivating factor to return to India in 1998. Having been there in 1996 I knew the kind of sacrifices it took and thought choosing for it again would help kill the sins I was struggling with. Paul Billheimer (page reference unknown), "Self-sacrifice is the law of the universe, the foundation upon which it is built. If sacrifice were not the supreme law of the universe, would God, the supreme ruler of the universe, operate on that principle? Through Calvary God is saying to us, this is the throne of the universe. It is the only pathway to power, authority and rulership for all." I also came upon 1 Corinthians 9:27, "No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." Thus I came to rely upon suffering and self-sacrifice, as a willfully chosen course of action, to fulfill two definitions of the Christian life: to overcome sin and as a way of loving YHWH (because it entailed following the example of Messiah). It was self-effort, not because I chose for suffering, but because I relied on suffering to change me, instead of viewing it as a means to Him, who would change me! Of course I defined the good Christian life as doing YHWH's will. In order to achieve this I kept a spiritual journal. This came very naturally and was a joy since I enjoyed writing. I would write down Bible studies, write down my conversations with YHWH, quote from books and dot down thoughts that came to me in prayer, Bible study, book reading, conversations with others....I tried to reflect on these notes regularly, either weekly or monthly, and then I would look for a golden thread or threads or patterns or themes that manifested. From these I would glean what I was to do next. This was self-effort because I started to rely on journalling and reflection to hear YHWH's voice, implying that if it was ceased I would not be able to hear His voice. Although it later proved an irrational fear it bespoke a focus on the means instead of the Giver of the means, Who is able to speak whether we keep journal or not! A Fifth definition of the good Christian life was that it entailed cleansing of sin and spiritual warfare. During 1995 we were working in a farming community. The Good News had been preached there for more than twenty five years and still people persisted in extra marital relationships, physical abuse, alcoholism etc. I sought YHWH on the reason for this and felt that He said He would reveal the reason to me once I had done restitution in a certain relationship. This I did and He obliged by revealing the problem. Was this wrong? Was confession of sin and restitution wrong? Of course not! But it was selfeffort because I relied on it to empower me for ministry and to set me free from sin, instead of relying on YHWH to empower and set me free by means of it! I also had some other definitions of the good Christian life, such as that it entailed, for me as a missionary, to do intercession and to communicate regularly with my supporters. I believed

that YHWH works in answer to prayer. Thus I got into detailed praying. Hours of praying. And to cover my back even more I communicated very regularly with prayer partners at home. Thinking firstly that regular communication would keep them involved and finding, secondly, a sense of security in knowing they were praying for me. This was not wrong, but once again it was self effort because I became reliant on intercession and communication. Taking it away would be traumatic for me. If my focus was on YHWH working through their and my intercession and prayer letters, then it could be taken away and I would not be shaken, because the reliance was on the Giver of the means and not the means themselves! 4. Concluding. Finally we come to Jeanne Guyon's earlier description of self-effort. She describes the stage of self-effort where (p.132-133), "You begin at conversion with self-activity" and as a stage when the, "movements of the soulare so distinguishable and full of so much variety" To Guyon the ultimate end of our spiritual journey is Divine Union i.e. a time when you rely on YHWH to overcome sin and live the good Christian life through you by means of your mind, will and emotions as well as your words and deeds. This requires what she describes as passivity. This should not be understood as 'doing nothing'. Rather it means that our mind, will and emotions moves in obedience to the voice and prompting of YHWH, full stop. Which brings us to the above quote. Self-activity should be seen as the opposite of 'passivity'. In other words, during this stage we tend to rely on the usage of our mind, will and emotions and we speak words and do deeds that might be in line with Scripture, but which is not in response to the prompting and empowerment of the Spirit. When this happens we are also busy with self-effort.