Also known as BC (Easier to remember than IA and it rhymes!) Volume 1, Issue 25 (Shave and a haircut 2 bits!

) Copyright 2012 by Jeffrey H. Kahn All rights reserved

Idiots Anonymous
August 2012

Almost five hours in New York DBy Chawnaw Hershel Kahn Whilyyweeweee If Jack Webb were alive today, (he was known as Sergeant Joe Friday on the hit TV series Dragnet whose speech consisted of mainly saying, Whileslsffoiho38484857579 Just the facts mam, just the facts. with a stoic voice and face), Jack would certainly be pleased with the following report. 8:30 AM boarded bus out of home town; destination New York City. Bus driver told me his wife is out of work and he is a floater changing routes as much as possible. Wondered how he gets the bus to float? While travelling realized why there is so much pollution in Linden, New Jersey where the refineries are Only located. In order for the blind to be able to smell their way to New York! Arrived at Port Authority at 10: 25 AM, sixteen minutes later than He\\ scheduled. The City, hot and humid, the people Clo rushing everywhere! Why, I dont know! Went to interview 6 minutes late! Best interview ever! Was not asked stupid questions like, Why do you want to work here? or Where do you see yourself in ten years from now? I refrained from asking, Do you have milk and cookies and nap time? Still it would be nice to know. Interviewer was a woman ex-sports writer who had lived in New Zealand where there are a lot of sheep. Why are there a lot of sheep in New Zealand? Considered the possibility that they are more of a challenge to milk! Wondered what sporting events woman wrote about in New Zealand, sheep toss? Went to Daily News and dropped off resume. I never told that no one could see me. I guess there was are a lot of blind people working there? Do they live in Linden? I left and asked directions on how to get to the subway. Found same and travelled uptown on the R line. A man got on and begged for money saying he was unemployed. Another man softly said, Join the club. He didnt. Enroute a man asked me directions to get to some place in Queens. (continued)

Almost five hours in New York (cont.) He didnt know I was from New Jersey. He asked a young couple sitting near him. They were from Australia and didnt know either. Man sitting catty corner didnt know either and he sells real estate! Real estate man told me the market is up and people are now buying buildings in Manhattan by putting 20 thousand down and paying 3 % interest. He said that a 3,600 foot studio apartment in Manhattan costs $2,800 a month to rent. Dont understand why anyone would want to pay that much money to live in an extended bathroom? 1:00 PM Arrived at destination and discovered that my favorite fast food restaurant had closed down. Wondered where was I going to get great shwarmas in Manhattan? Called older sister and arranged to eat somewhere else. I allowed her to treat me to lunch in order to make her feel important. I think it is important that she feels important! As a matter of fact I would like to make her feel important more often! Finished lunch and went to the NY Post. Got the same story that no one there could see me. Wondered just how many people lived in Linden? Man from NY Post Messaging Center gave me directions to subway, pointing, said to go down. It occurred to me that the subway must be located underground! On the way said hello to a security guard sucking on some ices to cool down. He wished me a great day! On 42nd street near Port Authority right next to Ripleys Believe it or Not! I saw a man holding a sign, Need money for weed, why lie? Wondered why he would want to grow weeds in Manhattan? Must have been saving for a lawn mower, but who has grass in Manhattan? Left 3:15 PM. Discussed old TV shows with a man. Arrived sometime after 5 PM. Guzzled 16 ounces of cold grapefruit juice in two guzzles. The first guzzle was the best, but the second was good too! Wrote this column and hoped nobody would figure out it is the truth! Chawnaw@rocketmail.com
I am a prolific writer! Prolific, prolific, prolific, prolific, prolific, prolific!