Root Beer By Erik Parker & Sean Elwood

INT. BEDROOM - DAY We see SOPHIEs head hit the pillow like a sack of bricks. Shes enthralled with whats going on downstairs. ALANAs head slowly hovers into view, trailing kisses up Sophies neck. Alana lifts her head up and smiles mischievously. SOPHIE (V.O.) Oh, shit yes. Finally. Post office girl, do your worst. SOPHIES MOM (O.S.) Sophie! Alana freezes. Sophie looks worried. SOPHIE Yes? SOPHIES MOM (O.S.) Im going to yoga! See you in a bit! Alana is relieved. SOPHIE Okay! Love you, mommy! Alana laughs. ALANA (whispering) Mommy? Really. SOPHIE Shh! A closing door is heard. Alana resumes her descent to the Cave of Forgotten Dreams. We see Sophie wriggle herself as her pants are removed off screen. ALANA How did you get that rash? SOPHIE (V.O.) Even if I knew I wouldnt tell you.

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2.

SOPHIE I, uh, heat rash. I think. Alana considers this, shrugs, and gets back to work. Sophie slowly begins to jive to the beat of the groovin. The groovin cunnilingus. SOPHIE (V.O.) Shell be fine. Its nothing contagious. She stops, staring off in to space. Nagging doubt grows on her face. SOPHIE (V.O.) Right? She looks down, and with the confidence of an underpaid health inspector eating a three dollar steak, shrugs. SOPHIE (V.O.) Shes a tough girl. (beat) Should I be worried about me? Its been there a little while too long. Im pretty sure its just from my skinny jeans but-Sophie is momentarily interrupted by unexpected pleasure. SOPHIE Shiiiiiit. After a second she calms down a bit and returns to her normal state. SOPHIE (V.O.) Ill call the doctor after this--whatever it is. What day is it today? Do they take appointments on Saturday? Thats what the internet is for, right? Sophie is holding her hand to her head in a sublimely confusing mixture of pleasure and anxiety. SOPHIE (V.O.) What if I have ebola? She looks down again, and is suddenly reminded that she has a left hand. She removes it from her head and holds it out in the air in an awkward fashion.

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CONTINUED: SOPHIE (V.O.) I should be doing something. I feel like I should be--what does one do?

3.

She awkwardly reaches toward Alanas general direction, then pulls back. SOPHIE (V.O.) I dont want to bother her. I mean where would I even put this. She points her finger into the air. SOPHIE (V.O.) She could move, but I dont want to be a bother. She shrugs, placing her hand by her side. She shakes her head, thats not where that goes and quickly brings her hand behind her head. Shes not satisfied with its positon, but she no longer wants to remove her own hand with a tablesaw. SOPHIE (V.O.) Shes got a good grip on things. (beat, flinch) A really good grip on things. Sophies head turns to her bedside table. There is a marker lying askew, and a framed picture of her mother. SOPHIE (V.O.) Oh, jeez. Sophie reaches over and sets the picture of her mom face-down. SOPHIE (V.O.) You dont need to see this. Should probably-She picks up the marker and sets it on its end. SOPHIE (V.O.) Thats good. I think? Her body convulses, as if being pulled forward by an outside force. Example: her vagina. She knocks the marker off the table. SOPHIE Fffffuck you! Alana pops back up.

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4.

ALANA Sorry? SOPHIE No, youre good. SOPHIE (V.O.) Really good. I--gold star, seriously. How does one get good at this while sorting mail, mail-sorting girl. Alana, right? Is she still wearing her name tag? Sophie looks down, cringes at her own assumption. SOPHIE (V.O.) Im sure theres nothing in the U.S.P.S. employee handbook that requires name tags during coitus. Shit, are we having coitus? Which one is coitus? Sophie is distressed. No, Sophie, you didnt leave a pocket dictionary on your night stand. SOPHIE (V.O.) No. Focus. Youve bedded the cute girl from the post office. Youve climbed Everest. Just bask in the moment. Sophie sighs loudly. She bites her lower lip. One part angst, one part clitoral stimulation, mix thoroughly and serve. SOPHIE (V.O.) When do I do... it? Shit. She turns to the clock on her bed side table. SOPHIE (V.O.) When I have boys over I just wait till they tucker themselves out, make a weird nose and then turn on Buffy but I dont think thatll work this time. Sophie holds her hand to her face, and makes a defeated little noise. SOPHIE (V.O.) I dont want her to feel like Im not rewarding her hard work but Im (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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5.

SOPHIE (V.O.) (contd) just not quite there and I dont want her to think (her voice slowly escalates in intensity) Im some kind of pleasure hating spinster whos wasting her time with my petty need to have sex with people Im attracted to instead of grown men who watch shows about ponies-OH HOLY SHIT. Sophie is suddenly rocketed into the stratosphere of good feelings, and is basking in O-zone. SOPHIE (quickly blurted out) Team Rockets blasting off again! ALANA(O.S.) What. INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER Sophie and Alana are lying next to each other. Sophie is pleased. Alana stretches out next to her. They lie in satified silence. Sofie lets out a happy sigh. Alana turns to Sofie, smiling sweetly. ALANA You taste like root beer. CUT TO CREDITS