MEA CULPA A Requiem Novella by Christine Fonseca

Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault. ~Confiteor, Requiem Mass ICEL Translation (2010)

Mea Culpa Christine Fonseca

Copyright 2012 Christine Fonseca. Published by Compass Press at Smashwords.

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Mea Culpa Compass Press 6/10/2012

Table of Contents One Two Three Four Five

Chapter 1 Penance Puget Sound, Washington

Zane I stare at the school below the hill, wondering. Hoping. She has to be here. Ive spent the last three months searching for her, desperate. I never should have made the deal I did, never should have allowed that...that...whatever it was...to trick me. But in truth, how could I have done anything else? I had to find a way to bring Nesy back. And I wouldve done anything to do it Anything. The air stirs, pulling me from my thoughts. Zane! Why are you here? The Councils looking for you. Gabriels worried. Cass settles in next to me, her indigo wings reflecting against the foliage around us, casting strange hues against the crisp early morning sky. Im worried.

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My wings ruffle in response to her presense. You shouldnt be here. My voice is foreign and filled with palpable tension. Youre one to talk. At least Im not in trouble with the Council. Each word drips with apprehension. Ive never acted this rash before, this reckless. Thats more Nesys style. Was her style. Silence fills the air, forging an awkward pause between me and Cass, one that grows with each breath. Come back with me, Zane, while you still can; before you do anything reckless. My shoulders slump under the weight of her words. Before I do anything else. Too late for that. Far too late. I stretch my neck and back, extending my wings to their full length. Nesy would be yelling at this point, telling us why she needed to be here. Why her feelings were important. And I would be the one trying to bring her to her senses, the one forcing her

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to see the truth. Me. And yet its Cass who now tries to help. Things are so wrong. What have I done? Go home Cass. This doesnt concern you. I raise my hands, focusing my frantic energy into a sharp point. My power crackles silently under my skin as a portal opens. The lush forest fades back, blurring the small ferns tucked in beds of pine needles and large evergreens. A school forms in the void, her school. You have to be here. Closing my eyes, I step away from Cass and into an uncertain future.

The school is like every other high school Ive seen in the past three monthscrowded and dreary. Students cram the hallways, texting, chatting and primping. Ive grown tired of the search. Every teenage girl looks the same to me now, every teenage boy predictable. And none of them are the two Im searching for.

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I lean against the wall, thankful that I cant be seen. Im not in the mood to pretend Im human, not in the mood to blend in. I take in a shaky breath. Where are you? Students stream by as the bell rings. I scrutinize the crowd, hoping. Praying. Zane, stop. Whatever it is youre doing, just stop. Cass appears next to me as a student pushes past her unaware. There is none of the usual calmness to her thoughts, no peace in her words. Go home, Cass. My voice is harsher than I mean it to be. You cant stop me and you cant help. No! She puts a hand on my shoulder, sending a shiver down my spine. She may not sound calm, but her touch relaxes me in an instant. I pull away, refusing to release the tension completely. Ive earned this discomfort, earned the pain I feel lodged in my throat. Cass isnt going to take it away. Not this time. I need it and the focus it brings. Zane!

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Ignoring her completely, I lose myself in the crowd of students making their way to class and lunch. Aydan is here, somewhere. He has to be. I followed Gabriels thoughts here. And Mikayels. They brought him to this place, I know it. I pull my mind in tightly around me, focusing on a mental picture of Aydan. Dark hair, skin like tea, and the nearly complete markings of the beast that form a yoke around his neck. I see every detail of his features, willing the image to come to life. I need to find you. The students thin as the bell rings. I cling to the image of Aydan, searching. I may be blind to demons now, blind to Nesy and most of the unseen creatures that live with the unsuspecting humans, but I can still find Aydan. I havent grown blind to his energy. Not even close. I close my eyes and draw a tight breath. A moment passes. And another. My eyes pop open and I turn down the now-deserted hallway. Zane, wait. Casss voice passes through me as I walk out into the quad, past the rows of

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classrooms, straight for a bungalow of portable rooms at the far end of the campus. The space smells musty as I cross the threshold, scanning every inch. My sight settles on the back of the class and goosebumps spread across my skin. Aydan. Finally. My pulse quickens. He moves his chair closer to his tablemate, a short girl with pale skin that looks almost translucent. Her hair is dark brown, streaked with golden strands. It hangs around her shoulders, cut in sharp angles around her face. Her eyes are bluenot the brilliant blue Im hoping for, but a dark indigo that is nonetheless familiar. She smiles at Aydan, tilting her head. He whispers in her ear and a light pink flushes her cheeks. She laughs, the timbre of her voice like music. Nesy. At last. It has to be her. Who else can make Aydan smile? Make me smile. Zane? Casss voice, silent to all but me, causes my wings to ruffle as she comes up behind me.

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Why cant she just leave me alone? Who is that? Why are you smiling? I ignore her words, glancing from table to table. No one can see us. My grin widens as the anticipation gives way to excitement. Nesy, youre alive, I more-than-whisper before I can stop myself. Nesy? Impossible. Raphael said she died. The whole Council said she was gone. Gone, yes. Dead...Not exactly. You were there. You heard Mikayel. Shes gone. Cass paces, her expression hard. Confused. I clench my jaw, wondering how much I should tell her. I dont want her to worry like I do, dont want her to bear the weight of what Ive done. Cass stares at the dark haired girl. Its not her, Zane. Cant you see that? Its not her. Im not ready to tell Cass what I know, tell her the truth of what has happened. Cass turns toward me. You have to accept her death and move on, Zane. You cant do this to yourself. You arent the reason she died.

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I shake my head as Cass grabs my shoulders, forcing me to face her. Nesy would want you to move on. Nesy would do anything to have a life with Aydan. The words slip out too fast. Anything.. Cass inhales a sharp breath, taking the air from the room. Everything pauses as she processes my words. I cant stand the stiffness surrounding me, or the pain etched on Casss face. I have to say something. I owe her that much. What if I told you that Nesy didnt die that night? Not really. Cass remains stoic, her eyes locked with mine. That Mikayel called in a favor and found a way to save Nesy. My words shock her this time. Anger, an expression Ive never seen on her face, fills her eyes. Impossible. I was part of the team that tried to heal her. I felt her life leave, felt her die. Dont try to tell me I didnt. Tears explode across Casss cheeks as her pain is unleashed. She tilts her head

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down and the room closes in on us. I felt her die, she whispers again. I dont want to hurt her, dont want her to suffer. But the truth may hurt her more. I wrap my arms, my wings, around her as her body shutters. What to do? What to do? I push my mind into her thoughts, reading her anguish. I soothe her, still unsure how much I can share, how much I should say. Slowly her body begins to relax. You have to let her go Zane. Please. I cant lose both of you. Cass, its her. Trust me. She didnt die. I know because Cass pulls from my embrace, her mind reaching into my heart. Pain, anger, confusion pass through her eyes. My pain. My anger. My confusion. She swallows hard. Because? Because I traded it all, my heart, my memories, everything. For her.

Chapter 2 Covenant Celestium, Three Months Earilier

The water is cold, biting into my hand. I stare at the silver liquid streaming down the drain, my thoughts scrolling through every moment of the battle Nesys eyes bulging as Azzas sword cuts through her armor, piercing her heart; Aydan and Mikayels scream splitting through the night sky; Nesys mind closing in on itself. Its all too much and my knees buckle. I cling to the basin, allowing the wave of emotion to pass. Nothing I do erases the images permanently burned into my memories. No amount of meditation calms my soul. No amount of water removes the blood, her blood, from my hands, my arms, my clothes. Nesy is gone. Forever gone. I try to shake away the thoughts that refuse to retreat, desperate for a respite I know will never come.

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Zane? The voice pushes aside my grief. Zane. Mikayels asking for you. I focus in on the voice, forcing myself to respond, move, anything. But I cant. Im locked in a grief I dont fully understand; one I never thought I would feel. Not like this. Never like this. Zane! Come. Mikayels waiting. Cass touches my shoulder and enters my heart. Her presence fills me with a peace only the Annointed can command. I breathe her in, silently begging her to clear away my pain. One moment bleeds into the next. The feelings ebb. I take another breath, feeling her presence spread through me. Peace. At last. But for how long? Im coming, The words are thick against my mouth. Im coming. I dry my hands and she pulls me away. The hallowed halls stream past me in a blur. Everything is surreal and detached, as though I am no longer

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part of this world at all. I grow thin with each step and I wonder Will I fade away completely? Cass pulls me through the labyrinth towards the Council chamber. Is Mikayel back? Has he avenged Nesys death? Annointed and Mediators run through the halls. Their faces speak a truth I cannot bearthe war has cost more than wed expected. More than I expected. Sentinals and Guardians pour from portals, their bodies marred with the signs of battle. Blood, demonic and angelic, stain their armor, their tunics, their wings. 13075. I count the angels running past me. Less than half have returned. Are the rest still battling? I know the answer before the question fully forms. The battle is over. Nesy is gone. Azza is gone. And Aydan... Aydan... My mind reaches for him. His torment and pain flood my senses. My hand searches for Casss,

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desperate to cling to something stronger than me. My legs again buckle under the weight of too much emotion. Mine, Aydans, the angels running past me. Its more than I can bear, more than any of us can. Why did this have to happen? Aydans rage lingers in the air. I sense the beast that still lives within him. How long before he succombs to it? How long before he forgets Nesy and becomes everything Azza has intended. How long? This way. Cass again pulls me out of my thoughts as I walk away from the antechamber, noticing Aydans broken shell curled in on itself. Sobs rack his body like waves buffeting a boat. He will not recover from this. If she dies, he will also. If she dies The thought betrays my hopes. Of course shell die. No one can survive Azzas sword. Not even Mikayel. What chance does Nesy have now? What chance do any of us have?

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Cass tugs on my arm as we wind through the halls into a chamber Ive never seen. The walls shine with an eerie indigo glow. Two large angels, Mikayel and Raphael, pray over a golden angel marred by a never-ending stream of silver blood. Nesy. The blood pools around her still body and I know its too much. She cannot survive this, no matter how much we pray. My mouth opens to speak, the sound dying long before the words form. Cass again calms my heart. Or is it Raphael calming me now. Go. Cass nudges me forward. Hes waiting. My feet remain glued to the spot, permanently tethered to the floor. I need a minute, Mikayel whispers to Raphael. He nods and turns toward me, a single tear streaming down his face. Im not used to seeing the Council show any emotion, even for those that have fallen. But somehow, Nesys death has touched them all.

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Shes not yet dead, Raphael says as he passes. But I have no way to heal her. I nod, still unable to speak. Ill be back, Cass whispers before turning to leave with her master. Shes handling this well. Shes stronger than me, stronger than any of us. When did that happen? I was always the strongest amongst us. Before. Zane. Mikayels voice is hollow, detached. It fills me with a profound sadness I can almost taste. Come. He motions for me to join him. I stare at the broken bodyher bodylying on the altar next to Mikayel. Her wings, limp and lifeless, hang alongside her body, dragging onto the floor. Silver blood glistens from her wounds, coating her skin. Her breastplate is gone, revealing the full depth of her injuries. Azzas sword penetrated her lungs and pierced her heart, leaving an angry red gash in its wake. She still lives. But barely.

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Is there anything anyone can do? The words scrape against the back of my throat, burning me. I cough, choking on my own grief. Maybe. Mikayel turns away from Nesy, his eyes locking with mine. There is something that may still help her; something I have told no one. My brows furrows as I try to decipher the look of madness now etched on Mikayels face. Do you know the way to Azzas realm? Yes. My voice quivers. I need you to go there. For Nesy. To Azza? No. Hes the reason Not to Azza. Mikayels voice grows cold. To the demonic smoke that lives in the labyrinth. Why? It owes me a favor; one I intend on collecting. I dont understand. What does the demonic smoke have to do with Nesy? It has the power to bring her back. I stare at Mikayel in disbelief. There is nothing that can be done for her now, nothing good at least.

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The demonic smoke is something different from us, different from Azza. It has the power to heal her wounds and turn her mortal. But it wont get involved unless you go and bargain with it. Me? What could I possibly offer? And why cant you just go? You said it owed you the favor. It does. But as you know, the smoke lives in Azzas realm. He will know of my presence the second I arrive, and Azza can never learn of what we are about to do. Mikayel swallows hard, the lines of his face like stone. I know I ask a lot, but this is the only way. A deal must be bartered and Azza must not find out. You are the only one I trust, the only one Who is expendable. No. The only one I am willing to send. But it must be your choice. Azza will sense your presence if you are only there on my command. I turn, my hands balling into fists at my side. Everything about the request feels wrongthe bargain with this mysterious entity, pushing the

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limits of the natural order by bringing Nesy back from the dead, everything. She is not dead yet, Mikayel says, sensing my hesitation. But this is the only way to save her. There is no way I can refuse, no way to live with myself if I do. I push aside the growing doubt and fear that clouds my thoughts, push away the image of Nesy dying in front of me, push away my conscious screaming No. There is only one thing I can say, only one phrase that will form on my lips. When do I leave? Theres one more thing, Zane. The Council cannot know of this task. Gabriel cannot know. I wont lie to my master. Im not asking you to lie. Just dont seek his permission. I will talk with Gabriel after youve left. Mikayel squares his shoulders and turns, burning into my thoughts. I wont forsake my master. Not even for Nesy. Mikayels eyes settle on the broken body of Nesy, so lifeless in front of us. This, her injuries,

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theyre my fault. I wont have her die because of me. I cant let that happen again. Again? So the stories Azza told her were true. I have caused many deaths, yes. Anger bubbles through me. You feel guilty. Thats what this is really about. And you need me to fix it for you. The words sound more like Nesys than my own, only she would be screaming by now. Mikayel bristles, glaring through me. Im right, arent I? Sir. Anger changes to sympathy in his eyes. You feel deeply for Nesy, dont you? The truth in his words startles me. I recognize the emotion in your eyes. Dont try to deny it. You will help me because you know its the only way to save her. And, Zane, you need her to live as much as I do. But becoming mortal, human? It isnt the same as being healed. True, but its the only chance we have. The only way she can survive at all.

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His words hang in the air, tempting me. Hes right about my feelings for Nesy. I do need her to survive. My feelings are more complex than Ive admitted to anyone, including myself. In truth, I dont understand them. All I know for certain is I cant imagine a world where Nesy is gone. I swallow back the apprehension that lodges in my throat. Are you certain this demonic smoke will comply with my request? It has no choice. It owes me a favor. But, there will still be a price to pay. It will expect payment. You need to be cautious. Dont be fooled if it seems to understand you, your heart and your feelings. It is nothing more than illusion dressed up in smoke; a trickster that feeds from the chaos it creates. Nothing more. Do you understand me? I understand. You must mind your emotions when you are in Azzas realm. They have served you well in the past. But with the smoke, they will betray you. Shock fills my cells. What emotions? I have no emotions to mind.

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A smile forms in Mikayels eyes. That may work with your friends and Gabriel. But I know the truth. You are more like me, more like Nesy, than you are willing to admit. Be careful you dont let that become your weakness. Too many words stumble through me, dying before I can speak. Emotions follow the words, swirling in intoxicating patternsfeelings for Nesy, for Aydan. Hope and betrayal. Love and rage. Its more than I can acknowledge, more than I can tolerate. And none of its truejust an illusion, a trick of my grief, my mind. Something Ive never acknowledged. Nothing but a myth. Or is it?

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Chapter 3 Labyrinth

I have no words left to say. Mikayel knows I will do what he asks; I have no choice. Not now, not while Nesy lays nearly dead at my feet. I tighten my jaw, my wings fluttering in a non-existant breeze behind me. Swallowing back the emotions still swirling, I raise my hands and forge open a portal. Remember what Ive said. The demonic smoke will want payment. Careful you dont give it more than you intend. And dont trust it in any way. It only knows how to lie. Understood, I say before stepping into the swirling vortex. At once the darkness closes in around me, collapsing the space and stealing my breath. Ive never struggled as I pass between the worlds, never felt like I would be swallowed up by the emptiness that surrounds me. Until now. This time is different. Ominous. The forward momentum stops almost before it begins, and the darkness gives way to ancient ruins

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encased in moss. Mist hugs the ground as I step from the portal. Azzas realm has changed somehow. There is less evil than before, less death. But the fear is still rank in the air. It coats my skin, my wings, adding to the weight already tethering me to this place. I walk forward, passing the stones and ruins, searching for the demonic smoke. My mind wanders to the last time Id been in this place Nesy, so confused, angry, angles her sword at my neck, allowing it to dig into my flesh. Go ahead. Do it. I cant believe she would risk everything for that UnHoly. And yet, she does not lower her sword, does not retreat. My hand instinctly touches my skin, the memory too real to ignore. I knew then how things would endAydans death, or her own. But I never expected to change my opinion of the UnHoly, never thought I would see goodness in him, never thought Nesy could be right. She saw what none of

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us could; she saw the remnants of his angelic self. Only her. Why didnt I trust you, Nesy? Why didnt I listen? Maybe then The thought stops short, unwilling to play out. There is no point in thinking of what couldve been; no point in belaboring the past. Now is a time for action; a time to salvage Nesys existence. If I can. The mist swirls around my feet as a slight breeze ruffles my wings. There is no sulphur scent in the air, nothing that connects this realm to Azzaziel. Im certain hes not here. And yet, Im more afraid than Ive ever been on any assignment. Why? I swallow back my feelings, unwilling to be ruled by them. Each step pulls me further into this place, further away from Celestium. The mist thickens. There is no sign of the demonic smoke, only fog. I know you're here, I say to the air around me. Ive come with a message from Mikayel.

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Silence meets my greeting. My heart beats loudly against my ribs. Please. Mikayel said I must find you, that it is time for you to honor your debt to him. Debt? I owe him nothing. The sound comes from the air itself, enveloping me. It fills my ears, my cells, as chills dance along my skin. My wings stiffen in response. Mikayel said you would say that. Emptiness grows in the spaces between my words. The air stands still and an echo of the smoke-being seems to crush against my skin. What do you want? it whispers. Only to see you. To ask a favor. The mist swirls as my words end, coiling up my legs and torso. I am bound, trapped. I push against the smoke, struggling to free myself. Every attempt binds me further, until I cannot move at all. Laughter penetrates the air. I am paralyzed. Settle yourself, I whisper through my thoughts. Everything goes numb as I acquiesce to the

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emptiness still coiled around me. Every muscle relaxes. My arms hang limp at my sides, my wings no longer tense, and my thoughtsmy thoughts become vacant. I am yours, I say, barely conscious. The mist pulls away from my body, transforming into a thick smoke. It swirls and turns, freeing itself completely before forming into a face. Interesting, it says as the smoke moves though my thoughts. It tugs on my mind, finding nothing. Very interesting. I close my eyes, remaining supplicant. A moment passes before I sense the being retreating from me. I open my eyes, facing the ominous grin present on the smoke-like face before me. You are most fascinating Zanethios of Celestium, I sense nothing from you, yet I have no doubt you are filled with emotions simmering somewhere, hidden from me. It is a rare talent you possess. I can see why Miakyel sent you. But tell me, what is it you want?

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To settle your debt. I stare at the smoke-face, determined. Mikayel said you know how to counteract a wound caused by the Sword of Death. I can. But why should I? Your kind is no friend to me. And Azzaziel is? I find that difficult to fathom. You are not afraid to speak clearly. I like that. But Azzaziel and Iwe have an understanding. I clench my jaw, narrowing my eyes. And you have an understanding with Mikayel as well. The smoke swirls, changing colors. First grey, then indigo and purple. Finally, it settles back to black, forming the same face. Enough of this, what is it you want? Exactly. I want the angel to be spared. I want you to save her life. You want me to do what the precious Council cannot. I nod, forcing back the sudden flood of emotions rising through me.

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For what reason? Mikayel has lost his warriors to Azzaziel before. And he will again. What makes this angel so special? Why should I save her? She is my friend. My voice unwillingly cracks on the last word. I suspect she is a lot more. The face dissipates as the smoke moves, again coiling up my body. The tide of emotions swells and fear surges through me. Once more I beat back the feelings and clear my mind. Time loses meaning as the smoke permeates my cells, my thoughts, my feelings. Why have you really come, Mediator? Ive told you. I need your help. And what do I get in return? Your debt with Mikayel will be settled. I dont care about my debt. What else will I get for saving your precious Sentinal? The one Azzaziel wants dead most of all. The one you and Mikayel need alive. The words stop my heart. Azza does want her death. And I do need her to live, more than

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anything. What else do you want for payment? I whisper. Your memories. Your feelings. The ones you are trying to hide from me. I want them all. Everything about your Sentinal. Everything. Mikayels words come to me in a rush. Be careful you dont give more than you intend. I consider the request, keeping every thought, every feeling, in check. For what purpose do you want them? For my amusement. Its a trick, Im certain. I run through the possibilities, everything contained in my thoughts. There are no secrets they reveal, nothing that can hurt the Council. Only memories of my friendship with Nesy, her life as human and angelic, my feelings about her. I imagine Nesy, half dead in Celestium. There is only one answer I can give. If I refuse your payment? She will die. I swallow. I have no choice. Mikayel wants this. I need it.

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My memories? Yes. All of them. Again I search for the catch. What need could this demon have with my memories, what purpose can they possibly serve? My mind reaches, filled with images of Nesy on the battlefield, Azzas sword penetrating her lungs and her heart. I hear her screams, watch her fall, blood seeping through her armor. My breathing grows erratic as each moment passes and I know, trick or not, I have no choice. Yes, escapes my lips before the memories clear. Take them. Take them all. Just bring Nesy back.

Chapter 4 Tempatation

Deal. The smoke says as it coils around my torso and covers my face. I inhale a sharp breath, allowing the smoke to fill my mouth, my lungs, my body. I choke, feeling it permeate every crevice. My vision blurs and the moss and rocks fade until I am no longer certain if I am still in Azzas realm at all. Strings of images burst forward, filling my thoughts, my feelings, my vision. Pictures of Nesy as Elle, a simple peasant girl in love with Adam. No thoughts of her angelic life, no thoughts of me. More memories push forwardthe torment of her mind when she returned to Celestium, the determination as she purged her feelings and trained with Mikayel, her laughter as we contemplated our lives. Together. I remember the pain she felt as she faced off with Aydan over and over, the disappointment we both felt with every failure, the loss when she was

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betrayed. Each memory rips through me, and although I stow myself against the emotions, I cant prevent the pain that accompanies each image. Pain for a love never acknowledged, pain for a friendship now gone. Pain for a loss I cant possibly endure. This is for you, Nesy, I whisper to myself. For your existence. The pictures continue to stream as the smoke weaves through my being. I push past the residual emotion, ignoring the feelings as I always have. I always will. You angels amaze me, the demonic smoke says, its voice resonating in my head causing my entire body to hum. You act as though you have no emotions, when all the while every one of you walks on a precipice, the depth of your feelings threatening to consume you at any moment. Tell me, why not give in to your feelings? Why pretend? I ignore the taunts, haunted by the truth of its words.

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Suit yourself, but the more of you angels I meet, the more I wonder if Azzaziel is actually right. Maybe those emotions are your strength. And maybe you are all made weak by your denial. I close my eyes as more memories lurch forward. Deeper, hidden memories. Ones I want to forget the way Nesy looks as she takes her oath as a Watcher, the purity of her blue eyes, the shine of her blond hair. I will always love you Nesy. Always. the way she aged during her assignment in Germany. Her eyes darkened as she forgot Celestium, forgot who she really was. Forgot me. You are forever part of me. I watched over her every year of that life, came to her dreams each night and eased her fears. I was the one to tell Mikayel of Adam. I reported the presence of Azza and the wolf attack. And I told the Council of Aydans deal with Azzaziel. I never told you that part.

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Pain radiated from Nesy when she returned from that life. It was so raw, so feral. She was lost in ways I could not heal, no matter how hard I tried. Pain filled the black spaces between her cells. The places where only peace should reside. I thought a life with Mikayel, becoming a Sentinal, would ease her torment and erase her memories of that human life. I thought it would help her move on. Release Adam. Aydan. Love. I was wrong and Im so sorry. We were all wrong. Nesy thought Mikayel had betrayed her, she thought the Council had kept the truth of Aydans existence from her. But I knew the truth too. And I remained silent. Me. Her death is as much my fault as it is theirs. More. The guilt escapes me before I can prevent it. I feel the demonic smoke drink in my shame, lingering in my pain. Too many lies I have held. Too much betrayal.

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It does you no good to dwell on the past, something a Mediator should know. I shove the smoke out of my mind, my heart. Thats it. You have your payment. Oh yes, it purrs.More than I expected, so much more. Thank you. Our bargain? The Sentinal will live. Relief replaces the pain and guilt, spreading rapidly through me. I inhale the comfort, raising my hands to forge a portal. I need to see her for myself, ensure that I have not failed her. I always keep my bargains, Mediator. The portal opens, revealing the brilliant hues of Celestium at the end of a long vortex. But dont be surprised if things are different than what you expect. Laughter closes in around me as the opening collapses. I spin, desperate to question the smoke. But its too late. Only laughter remains, echoing in my head as I fall toward home.

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I am out of the portal, running to Raphaels chamber. To Nesy. The landscape blurs past me and I can only think of one thing. I blew it. I push open the doors, desperate to see her alive, standing in front me. Nothing. Only an empty slab. My heart beats wildly against my ribs as I feel my legs begin to wobble. No. No no no no. Shes gone. Mikayels voice is hard, devoid of all emotion. She cant be gone. It promised. I gave it payment. IT PROMISED. The words come out in a garbled mess. I cant focus, cant think. If you gave payment, then she is still alive. Somewhere. But why is she gone? I didnt agree to that.

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Laughter fills the chamber, the same laughter that has filled my thoughts since leaving Azzas realm. The sound sticks to my skin, causing goosebumbs to rise on my arms and my wings to flutter. Mikayel remains stoic and unaffected. Can he not hear the incessant laughter? Not understand that Ive been tricked? Weve all been tricked? He closes his eyes, nodding slightly. Yes, he whispers to no one. I understand. The laughter ends as Mikayel opens his eyes. Nesy lives, as promised. But where is she? Why cant I feel her? Shes not of this world anymore. Shes mortal. But, she is alive. Mortal? Mortal. I swallow back the fury on my tongue. Id forgotten about her becoming mortal. What do I do now? I need to see her. You gave your memories as payment, yes? Yes.

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Mea Culpa

Only your memories? My eyes stare at the floor as I think of each word exchanged between the demonic smoke and me. I think so. What did it say exactly? What did you agree to? It asked for my memories. Everything. Everything? There is a concern in Mikayels voice that fills me with dread. You wont be able to find her, he says. The smoke took more than your memories. It took everything. You wont be able to sense her now. Youre blind to her, to all but the angels, I fear. I never agreed to that. You didnt mean to, Im certain. I pace, unable to stop the anger welling inside my heart. Not wanting to. How could I let this happen? How could I be so nave? I have to find her. I know. I turn to look at Mikayel, my decision already made. You wont stop me?

Christine Fonseca

You arent mine to command. The words linger. Im not anyones anymore. Not until I find Nesy and make certain she is okay. Not until I discover what the demonic smoke is planning. Not until I make amends for my ignorance. I will find you Nesy, no matter what it takes. I exchange a nod with Mikayel and leave, my thoughts only on Nesy.

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Zane, Nesy, and Aydans stories continue with the full-length novel Libera Me, coming in the fall of 2012. They begin in the novella Dies Irae and the fulllength novel Lacrimosa, now available in ebook and printed formats through Compass Press.

About the Author:

http://www.christinefonseca.com/ In addition to writing critically acclaimed nonfiction books related to giftedness, Christine writes novels for teens. Her debut YA Gothic series, The Requiem Series, examines the role of redemption and sacrifice, and includes the prequel novella, DIES IRAE, and the first novel in the series, LACRIMOSA. Christine is also releasing her first YA psychological thriller, TRANSCEND, inspired by the Phantom of the Opera story. Christine lives in Southern California with her husband and daughters. She can be found sipping a skinny vanilla latte at her favorite coffee house, writing her next book. She can be found on her website, or on her blog.