STOFFRAGETTE

NEWSLETTER

September 2012 Issue 22

HAIRY PLOTTER AND THE GOBLET OF MILK TASK THREE

By Prized Slave to Stoff
Hairy sat in the garden, weighing the Stone of Destiny in his paw and sighing heavily. Truthfully, he was hoping Iris would walk by and give him her sympathy for being so brave. The Stone was big and heavy, and very slippery Hairy kept dropping it. The sunlight shone through it and made patterns on the grass, while Hairy thought that this was quite a moody thing to do, and it was always the lanky moody strays that got the girls in the city, he couldnt help himself from trying to catch those annoying little dots. And Hairy was getting frustrated how did such a little, pretty speck of light become so sneaky as to slip away from him time and time again? The third task was tomorrow, and Hairyd be lying if he said he wasnt frightened, the previous task was horrible he still had nightmares how his fur looked the next day so frizzy! He was forbidden to go into the North Side of The Woods, where the next task would be held so he suspected that it would be even more terrifying maybe there would be mud oh the horror! Clumps of mud, as Im sure you all know, are very difficult and painful to get out of long, soft, white fur. Hairy didnt actually need the Stone, it just counted for more points in his favour. But it made fascinating patterns on the grass. So irresistible. Slowly, the sun set, and the patterns the Stone made on the grass vanished. Hairy sat in the dark, filing his claws on the Stone, the surface was perfect for such and Hairy felt that it was important to look his best. Hairy woke the next morning by a grey paw poking him in the face, Hairy... Hairy... HAIRY, shouted LT, patience wasnt one of her strong points. Huminhuh... milk? Hairy squinted into LTs eyes, he got very little sleep last night, he filed one claw too short and had to compensate with the rest. Hairy, youve got to get up. As Im sure youre aware, its the day of the final task. We mustnt be late, Stoff is already upset that the task had to be put off once because of Felimort, imagine how he might feel if you didnt turn up and it had to be put off AGAIN! Is that really such a bad thing? YES And LT began to walk towards The Woods with her tail in the air, she looked behind her and glared at Hairy until he

sighed, put down the Stone and got up and followed her. The walk to the site of the task was only about 10 minutes, but to Hairy it seemed like a lifetime, he could feel his heart beating hard in his chest and his paws were sweating. Oh dear, how unattractive. Here we are! LT said brightly, Hairy looked up after spending the last two minutes studying his paws very closely hed never noticed that tiny black fleck of fur just on his little claw before and he saw a maze, a giant jumble of hedges that towered three metres above Hairys head. Oh Primus Felinius Flamel... not LEAVES! Urgh! I cannot do this! Soggy leaves... sticking to paws... all muddy and disgusting... Hairy sat down and woefully looked towards the maze while thinking about what would be the best fur product would be for the aftermath of this task. Unlike the previous task, where all the contestants went wild, coughing

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STOFFRAGETTE NEWSLETTER

AUGUST 2012 Issue 21

up hairballs and fainting, this time they all just sat staring at the maze walls. Except for Tiny, who glared at Hairy, like it was his fault. Tiny wasnt exactly friends with Hairy after her mentor, Iris, abandoned her to support Hairy in the Deathly Shallows. As a result, Hairy won the Stone of Destiny, and Tiny was furious with Iris for succumbing to Hairys charms, and to Hairy, for stealing her mentor. Hairy didnt understand, how could Iris possibly have resisted him? And then Stoff stood up to speak; Fellow Kittys of Oxfordshire, today I present to

you the final task! A cheer went up in the crowd, with the names of the contestants being shouted out by the relevant animal societies. Stoff raised his paw for silence and then continued, Today the contestants face possibly their hardest challenge yet! They shall battle the hidden terrors in the maze and the first cat to reach the centre shall be the winner! Now this sounds easy, but heed my warning. The maze changes cats, it could drive you mad, and there are things in the maze terrifying things. This task is not for the faint-hearted. Keep your head, trust your

instincts and dont crumble in the face of your greatest fears. The crowd rippled with excitement. Hairy grew pale under his fur. This wasnt going to be easy. How does Hairy fare in this hardest of challenges yet? You decide. Email Prized Slave at stoffragettes@live.co.uk with your entry asap.

VELVET PAW COMPETITION RESULTS

Thank you very much to everyone who guessed the identity of the Velvet Paw, and I am very pleased to announce that Sophia guessed correctly and will win a chocolaty prize! The Velvet Paw still wishes to maintain anonymity in publication so to the rest of you: keep on guessing!

STOFFRAGETTE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

FIRST WEEK BACK AT SCHOOL? I NEED ANOTHER HOLIDAY...

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STOFFRAGETTE NEWSLETTER

AUGUST 2012 Issue 21

A TAIL OF TWO ROGERS

By Prized Slave to Roger
Once upon a time there was a very naughty dog called Rodger who defied all odds, ripped off his little harness and made a sneaky run for it to try and enhance his already ample food intake by experimenting with fresh rabbit. The description of this little dog was as follows, he was a Cavalier King Charles spaniel and his colour was golden word that a large rabbit had been sighted lurking somewhere, possibly in a hutch. Roger decided that he would investigate this matter. The moment of freedom arrived when the car was being cleaned and, as usual, Roger was laced up in the garden to watch the proceedings. The One Who Feeds disappeared for a moment and Roger made his escape. The plan was to find where the garden gates had been left open. By great good luck the one next door had been left ajar, In rushed the dashing Cavalier, and there was what he was seeking. He rushed up to the hutch and started to bark. A face glared out at him. What was it? It was golden brown with long ears just like him. Was it a dog he wondered? It did not look like a rabbit. It was golden brown and it had long ears it looked like a dog! Hullo, said Roger. Who are you? My name is Roger replied the rabbit and Who

might you be? The dog was amazed. Thats my name and Im a dog. The rabbit looked disgusted and replied with great dignity I am a rabbit and I would be glad if you would go away, and do not come back. At that moment, The One Who Feeds appeared and Roger was laced up and ignominiously led away.He resolved to announce, at the next Twilight Barking, that the rabbit Roger was Not For Eating. Any neighbouring dog fortunate enough to be Free, must search for Freshly Caught rabbit in the surrounding farms. As he gazed at the bowl of dried Dogs Dinner that evening, he pondered on his adventure. Roger the rabbit was really rather beautiful-just like him! Perhaps, instead of Freshly Caught Dogs Dinner, he had found a friend!

brown. He was four years old, frisky, and looking for excitement. Diet was an important part of his life. He wished for a change from his dry Dogs Dinner. His desire was for Freshly Caught Food. On the nightly Twilight Barking, came

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