No Offense Intended: Different Cultural Perspectives on Resolving Conflict

The way different cultures manage conflict or difficult situations is always an interesting thing to observe, and those that regularly operate across multiple cultures often have common advice "Never Assume Anything!" This was brought home to me some time ago dealing with a colleague in Thailand, whom I had asked to meet with a client company whom I was working with on a regional basis. My request was simply to arrange a brief meeting as this would be helpful to the wider relationship. I didnt give it any more thought. Not long after, I had a call from my counterpart at the client company, incensed by what he perceived as a rebuff or insult. He had followed up with my Thai colleague as I had told him to do, but had been told he was too busy to meet just now, but made a time more than 3 months in the future. My fault entirely. Without thinking about the implications, I made this request without asking, or even politely informing the immediate superior of my Thai colleague, who, when finding out about my request took offence at my failure to
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observe this courtesy, and instructed my Thai colleague not to follow my request as I had omitted this important step in paying appropriate respect to his superior. Faced with the no-win position of two senior people issuing conflicting instructions, he took the position entirely consistent with his cultural perspective of not wishing to cause confrontation, and found a way to satisfy both conflicting instructions. To me, he did what he had been asked to do - just stretched out a little longer than I would have expected. To his boss, he was following the instructions not to arrange this meeting and if pressed about the date set 3 months into the future could claim he planned to find an excuse to delay that meeting closer to the time, or maybe this whole thing would have been forgotten by then. What did I do to resolve the issue? 1. I apologized to my Thai colleague for placing him in such a difficult position and congratulated him for finding a solution to the dilemma, and promised I would do my best not to place him in such a situation again 2. I apologized to his manager for my oversight in not keeping this person informed and promised I would try not to let that happen again. I then explained what I wanted; why it was important to me and the company as a whole; and provided reassurance that there were limits around the support I was looking for in this case. With the protocol settled and my apology accepted, the manager agreed to support my request, and so I was able to go back to the colleague in Thailand and make the same request again, knowing it would not cause a problem 3. I spoke with the client and explained what had happened and said it was my fault for causing the situation, and no offense was intended In due course the meeting took place, there was a positive outcome, and everyone lived happily ever after like in the fairy tales. Of course the fairy tales normally have a moral to the story, so here is what I learned from this situation:

1. You must be aware of the impact or implications of things from the cultural perspective of the recipient. I was simply guilty of not thinking. I forgot the fact that the superior of the Thai manager would be likely to feel slighted or disrespected if I did not at least inform or better still seek his agreement - even though technically I didn't need to. And I can't blame the Thai manager for failing to tell me of the dilemma I had placed him in .... He would have seen such a comment as disrespectful to me 2. Before jumping to a conclusion about an issue - why it has happened, what the motivations of various people are consider it from the cultural perspective of the people concerned, and not yourself. Like my client (a Westerner) I too would probably have taken a response giving me a 3 month lead time on a meeting in these circumstances as a rebuff, if not a deliberate insult. Yet neither of these were intended by my Thai colleague - he was simply finding a way to say yes to two people who had issued contradictory instructions 3. There is nothing in this that I didn't already know well and thought I carried out on a natural basis. It is amazing how easy it is to overlook these important learnings when working at pressure or pace, and reverting to my own cultural perspective. It was a timely wakeup call and a reminder that these issues of understanding different cultural perspectives never go away, and it is so easy to let your guard down an revert to old habits even though you thought these had been dealt with!
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About the Author: A veteran of the Asia Pacific business scene, David Christensen is an Australian (with New Zealand roots), currently based in Bangkok, Thailand where he is CEO of premium skincare and anti aging products manufacturer Royal Siam Natural Health and Beauty (http://www.royalsiam.asia) Having lived and worked in 14 countries as wide afield as Russia, India, and Japan, David has a background in advertising with Saatchi & Saatchi and DDB, extensive international business strategy consulting experience as a Partner with Gravitas Partnership in Hong Kong, and senior regional line management roles across Asia Pacific with American Express, Carlson Wagonlit, and AXA Asia Pacific. His LinkedIn profile can be seen at this link LinkedIn Profile and you can contact him by email at david@royalsiam.asia

Author: David Christensen, October 2012