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Jesup, Georgia 31545

Mayberry wasnt the only town to have a Barney Fife. I remember another real-life deputy who could have been Barneys twin on Sheriff Andy Taylors fictional squad. But Im not going to name him. Instead, Ill dial upfrom 40 years agoa couple of his legendary capers in a non-fictional community. And as the late comic Jerry Clower said, If Im lying, Im dying. Heres the first one: A new branch bank created a stir of excitement in the small town. It also stirred up a training opportunity for area law enforcement, including state and federal agencies. The sheriff called in the big gunsthe Georgia Bureau of Investigation and the Federal Bureau of Investigationfor a simulated bank robbery. The plan was simpleno Bonnie and Clyde show. A man, armed with a pistol, was to don a bandana, walk into the bank and demand money from the tellers. Robberies were happening everywhere, and these new bank employees needed to be ready in case a bandit showed up. And what better way to prepare the law-enforcement agencies, too? The sheriff laid out the plan. Officers were scattered across the county and warned to be on alert. The heist happened. The alarm sounded. The robber was caught. A radio message signaled: Meet at the office for a debriefing. One by one, the lawmen gave accounts of how they performed during the drill. When time

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

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Barney Fife didnt know it, but he had a twin

came for the could-havebeen Barney to report, he announced, Yeah, I was ready at the crossroads. I had my shotgun loaded DINK and two pisNeSMITH tols ready. If Chairman that robber had come my way, I would have nailed him. By the way, sheriff, what does simulated mean? After the visiting GBI agent, who was also the simulated robber, caught his breath, the session continued. But wait, theres one more. Barney was at the gas station, bragging about how he could stop speeders. As they say: he was a legend in his own mind. And he was always regaling listeners with his tales. Yeah, he drawled, I really know how to pull em over. When one of his buddies quit crunching on Toms peanuts, he put down his Coke and issued a challenge: Well, lets see how you do that. Barney jumped to his feet and said, Lets go! Before long, a sedan whizzed by. Barney turned to his friend and said, Watch this. Ill show you how its done. With its blue lights flashing, the patrol car spun off the grassy shoulder and onto the two-lane asphalt. Within a

My Opinion
MMM

quarter-mile, Barney was pointing to the car ahead, Pull over. Both cars pulled over. Barney put on his hat, stepped out of the car and hitched up his pants as he approached the car. Looking back at his buddy, he winked as he took a slow stroll around the suspects car. He made one more lap, stopping to write down the tags information. When he walked up to the drivers window, the glass spooled down. Mister, Barney said, you were going kind of fast back there. Where are you from, anyway? The driver said, Cincinnati. Angry, Barney snapped, Dont lie to me, mister, I saw that Ohio tag!
dnesmith@cninewspapers.com

Dont lie to me, Mister .