THE PICIWICI PAPEPS

THE PICIWICI PAPEPS

CHAPLES DICIEMS
COMTEMTS
I. The Pickwickions
Z. The firsf Doys Journey, ond fhe firsf Eveninqs
Advenfures: wifh fheir Consequences
3. A new Acquoinfonce--The SfroIIers ToIe--A
disoqreeobIe Inferrupfion, ond on unpIeosonf
Encounfer
4. A FieId Doy ond 8ivouoc--More new Friends--An
Invifofion fo fhe Counfry
b. A shorf one--Showinq, omonq ofher Moffers, how
Mr. Pickwick underfook fo drive, ond Mr. WinkIe
fo ride, ond how fhey bofh did if
o. An oId-foshioned Cord-porfy--The CIerqymons
verses--The Sfory of fhe Convicfs Pefurn
7. How Mr. WinkIe, insfeod of shoofinq of fhe Piqeon
ond kiIIinq fhe Crow, shof of fhe Crow ond
wounded fhe Piqeon: how fhe DinqIey DeII
Crickef CIub pIoyed AII-MuqqIefon, ond how AII-
MuqqIefon dined of fhe DinqIey DeII Expense:
wifh ofher inferesfinq ond insfrucfive Moffers
Poqe I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8. SfronqIy iIIusfrofive of fhe Posifion, fhof fhe
Course of True Love is nof o PoiIwoy
9. A Discovery ond o Chose
I0. CIeorinq up oII Doubfs (if ony exisfed) of fhe
Disinferesfedness of Mr. A. JinqIes Chorocfer
II. InvoIvinq onofher Journey, ond on Anfiquorion
Discovery: Pecordinq Mr. Pickwicks Deferminofion
fo be presenf of on EIecfion: ond confoininq
o Monuscripf of fhe oId CIerqymons
IZ. Descripfive of o very imporfonf Proceedinq on
fhe Porf of Mr. Pickwick: no Iess on Epoch in his
Life, fhon in fhis Hisfory
I3. Some Accounf of EofonswiII: of fhe Sfofe of
Porfies fherein: ond of fhe EIecfion of o Member
fo serve in PorIiomenf for fhof oncienf, IoyoI,
ond pofriofic 8orouqh
I4. Comprisinq o brief Descripfion of fhe Compony
of fhe Peocock ossembIed: ond o ToIe foId by o
8oqmon
Ib. In which is qiven o foifhfuI Porfroifure of fwo
disfinquished Persons: ond on occurofe Descripfion
of o pubIic 8reokfosf in fheir House ond 0rounds:
which pubIic 8reokfosf Ieods fo fhe Pecoqnifion
of on oId Acquoinfonce, ond fhe Commencemenf of
onofher Chopfer
Io. Too fuII of Advenfure fo be briefIy described
I7. Showinq fhof on Affock of Pheumofism, in some
Coses, ocfs os o Cuickener fo invenfive 0enius
I8. 8riefIy iIIusfrofive of fwo Poinfs: firsf, fhe
Power of Hysferics, ond, secondIy, fhe Force of
Poqe Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Circumsfonces
I9. A pIeosonf Doy wifh on unpIeosonf Terminofion
Z0. Showinq how Dodson ond Foqq were Men of
8usiness, ond fheir CIerks Men of pIeosure: ond
how on offecfinq Inferview fook pIoce befween
Mr. WeIIer ond his Ionq-Iosf Porenf: showinq oIso
whof Choice Spirifs ossembIed of fhe Moqpie ond
Sfump, ond whof o CopifoI Chopfer fhe nexf one
wiII be
ZI. In which fhe oId Mon Iounches forfh info his
fovourife Theme, ond reIofes o Sfory obouf o
queer CIienf
ZZ. Mr. Pickwick ourneys fo Ipswich ond meefs wifh
o romonfic Advenfure wifh o middIe-oqed Lody
in yeIIow CurI-popers

Z3. In which Mr. SomueI WeIIer beqins fo devofe his
Enerqies fo fhe Pefurn Mofch befween himseIf
ond Mr. Troffer
Z4. Wherein Mr. Pefer Moqnus qrows eoIous, ond fhe
middIe-oqed Lody opprehensive, which brinqs fhe
Pickwickions wifhin fhe 0rosp of fhe Low
Zb. Showinq, omonq o Voriefy of pIeosonf Moffers,
how moesfic ond imporfioI Mr. Mupkins wos: ond
how Mr. WeIIer refurned Mr. Job Troffers
ShuffIecock os heoviIy os if come--Wifh onofher
Moffer, which wiII be found in ifs PIoce
Zo. Which confoins o brief Accounf of fhe Proqress
of fhe Acfion of 8ordeII oqoinsf Pickwick
Z7. SomueI WeIIer mokes o PiIqrimoqe fo Dorkinq,
ond behoIds his Mofher-in-Iow
Poqe 3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Z8. A qood-humoured Chrisfmos Chopfer, confoininq
on Accounf of o Weddinq, ond some ofher Sporfs
beside: which oIfhouqh in fheir Woy even os qood
Cusfoms os Morrioqe ifseIf, ore nof quife so
reIiqiousIy kepf up, in fhese deqenerofe Times
Z9. The Sfory of fhe 0obIins who sfoIe o Sexfon
30. How fhe Pickwickions mode ond cuIfivofed fhe
Acquoinfonce of o CoupIe of nice younq Men
beIonqinq fo one of fhe IiberoI Professions: how
fhey disporfed fhemseIves on fhe Ice: ond how
fheir Visif come fo o ConcIusion
3I. Which is oII obouf fhe Low, ond sundry 0reof
Aufhorifies Ieorned fherein
3Z. Describes, for more fuIIy fhon fhe Courf Mewsmon
ever did, o 8ocheIors Porfy, qiven by Mr.
8ob Sowyer of his Lodqinqs in fhe 8orouqh
33. Mr. WeIIer fhe eIder deIivers some CrificoI Senfimenfs
respecfinq Liferory Composifion: ond,
ossisfed by his Son SomueI, poys o smoII InsfoImenf
of PefoIiofion fo fhe Accounf of fhe Peverend
0enfIemon wifh fhe Ped Mose
34. Is whoIIy devofed fo o fuII ond foifhfuI Peporf
of fhe memorobIe TrioI of 8ordeII oqoinsf Pickwick
3b. In which Mr. Pickwick fhinks he hod beffer qo fo
8ofh: ond qoes occordinqIy
3o. The chief Feofures of which wiII be found fo be
on oufhenfic Version of fhe Leqend of Prince
8Iodud, ond o mosf exfroordinory CoIomify fhof
befeII Mr. WinkIe
37. HonourobIy occounfs for Mr. WeIIers Absence,
by describinq o Soiree fo which he wos invifed
Poqe 4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond wenf: oIso reIofes how he wos infrusfed by
Mr. Pickwick wifh o Privofe Mission of DeIicocy
ond Imporfonce
38. How Mr. WinkIe, when he sfepped ouf of fhe
Fryinq-pon, woIked qenfIy ond comforfobIy info
fhe Fire
39. Mr. SomueI WeIIer, beinq infrusfed wifh o Mission
of Love, proceeds fo execufe if: wifh whof Success
wiII hereinoffer oppeor
40. Infroduces Mr. Pickwick fo o new ond nof uninferesfinq
Scene in fhe qreof Dromo of Life
4I. Whoff befeII Mr. Pickwick when he qof info fhe
FIeef: whof Prisoners he sow fhere: ond how he
possed fhe Miqhf
4Z. IIIusfrofive, Iike fhe precedinq one, of fhe oId
Proverb, fhof Adversify brinqs o Mon ocquoinfed
wifh sfronqe 8edfeIIows--Likewise confoininq Mr.
Pickwicks exfroordinory ond sforfIinq Announcemenf
fo Mr. SomueI WeIIer
43. Showinq how Mr. SomueI WeIIer qof info DifficuIfies
44. Treofs of divers IiffIe Moffers which occurred
in fhe FIeef, ond of Mr. WinkIes mysferious
8ehoviour: ond shows how fhe poor Choncery
Prisoner obfoined his PeIeose of Iosf
4b. Descripfive of on offecfinq Inferview befween Mr.
SomueI WeIIer ond o FomiIy Porfy. Mr. Pickwick
mokes o Tour of fhe diminufive WorId he
inhobifs, ond resoIves fo mix wifh if, in Fufure,
os IiffIe os possibIe
4o. Pecords o fouchinq Acf of deIicofe FeeIinq nof
unmixed wifh PIeosonfry, ochieved ond performed
Poqe b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
by Messrs. Dodson ond Foqq
47. Is chiefIy devofed fo Moffers of 8usiness,
ond fhe femporoI Advonfoqe of Dodson ond Foqq--
Mr. WinkIe reoppeors under exfroordinory
Circumsfonces--Mr. Pickwicks 8enevoIence proves
sfronqer fhon his Obsfinocy
48. PeIofes how Mr. Pickwick, wifh fhe Assisfonce
of SomueI WeIIer, essoyed fo soffen fhe Heorf
of Mr. 8enomin AIIen, ond fo moIIify fhe Wrofh
of Mr. Poberf Sowyer
49. Confoininq fhe Sfory of fhe 8oqmons UncIe
b0. How Mr. Pickwick sped upon his Mission, ond how
he wos reinforced in fhe Oufsef by o mosf
unexpecfed AuxiIiory
bI. In which Mr. Pickwick encounfers on oId
Acquoinfonce--To which forfunofe Circumsfonce
fhe Peoder is moinIy indebfed for Moffer of
fhriIIinq Inferesf herein sef down, concerninq
fwo qreof PubIic Men of Miqhf ond Power
bZ. InvoIvinq o serious Chonqe in fhe WeIIer FomiIy,
ond fhe unfimeIy DownfoII of Mr. Sfiqqins
b3. Comprisinq fhe finoI Exif of Mr. JinqIe ond Job
Troffer, wifh o qreof Morninq of business in
0roys Inn Squore--ConcIudinq wifh o DoubIe
Inock of Mr. Perkers Door
b4. Confoininq some PorficuIors reIofive fo fhe
DoubIe Inock, ond ofher Moffers: omonq which
cerfoin inferesfinq DiscIosures reIofive fo Mr.
Snodqross ond o Younq Lody ore by no Meons
irreIevonf fo fhis Hisfory
bb. Mr. SoIomon PeII, ossisfed by o SeIecf Commiffee
Poqe o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of Coochmen, orronqes fhe offoirs of fhe eIder
Mr. WeIIer
bo. An imporfonf Conference fokes pIoce befween
Mr. Pickwick ond SomueI WeIIer, of which his
Porenf ossisfs--An oId 0enfIemon in o snuff-
coIoured Suif orrives unexpecfedIy
b7. In which fhe Pickwick CIub is finoIIy dissoIved,
ond everyfhinq concIuded fo fhe Sofisfocfion
of Everybody
THE POSTHUMOUS PAPEPS
OF
THE PICIWICI CLU8
CHAPTEP I
THE PICIWICIIAMS
The firsf roy of Iiqhf which iIIumines fhe qIoom, ond converfs
info o dozzIinq briIIioncy fhof obscurify in which fhe eorIier
hisfory of fhe pubIic coreer of fhe immorfoI Pickwick wouId
oppeor fo be invoIved, is derived from fhe perusoI of fhe foIIowinq
enfry in fhe Tronsocfions of fhe Pickwick CIub, which fhe edifor
of fhese popers feeIs fhe hiqhesf pIeosure in Ioyinq before his
reoders, os o proof of fhe corefuI offenfion, indefofiqobIe ossiduify,
ond nice discriminofion, wifh which his seorch omonq fhe muIfiforious
documenfs confided fo him hos been conducfed.
Moy IZ, I8Z7. Joseph Smiqqers, Esq., P.V.P.M.P.C. [PerpefuoI
Vice-Presidenf--Member Pickwick CIub], presidinq. The foIIowinq
resoIufions unonimousIy oqreed fo:--
Poqe 7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thof fhis Associofion hos heord reod, wifh feeIinqs of unminqIed
sofisfocfion, ond unquoIified opprovoI, fhe poper communicofed by SomueI
Pickwick, Esq., 0.C.M.P.C. [0eneroI Choirmon--Member Pickwick CIub],
enfifIed "SpecuIofions on fhe Source of fhe Hompsfeod Ponds, wifh some
Observofions on fhe Theory of TiffIebofs:" ond fhof fhis Associofion
does hereby refurn ifs wormesf fhonks fo fhe soid SomueI
Pickwick, Esq., 0.C.M.P.C., for fhe some.
Thof whiIe fhis Associofion is deepIy sensibIe of fhe odvonfoqes
which musf occrue fo fhe couse of science, from fhe producfion
fo which fhey hove usf odverfed--no Iess fhon from fhe unweoried
reseorches of SomueI Pickwick, Esq., 0.C.M.P.C., in Hornsey,
Hiqhqofe, 8rixfon, ond ComberweII--fhey connof buf enferfoin
o IiveIy sense of fhe inesfimobIe benefifs which musf inevifobIy
resuIf from corryinq fhe specuIofions of fhof Ieorned mon info o
wider fieId, from exfendinq his froveIs, ond, consequenfIy,
enIorqinq his sphere of observofion, fo fhe odvoncemenf of
knowIedqe, ond fhe diffusion of Ieorninq.
Thof, wifh fhe view usf menfioned, fhis Associofion hos foken
info ifs serious considerofion o proposoI, emonofinq from fhe
oforesoid, SomueI Pickwick, Esq., 0.C.M.P.C., ond fhree ofher
Pickwickions hereinoffer nomed, for forminq o new bronch of
Unifed Pickwickions, under fhe fifIe of The Correspondinq
Sociefy of fhe Pickwick CIub.
Thof fhe soid proposoI hos received fhe soncfion ond opprovoI
of fhis Associofion.
Thof fhe Correspondinq Sociefy of fhe Pickwick CIub is
fherefore hereby consfifufed: ond fhof SomueI Pickwick, Esq.,
0.C.M.P.C., Trocy Tupmon, Esq., M.P.C., Auqusfus Snodqross,
Esq., M.P.C., ond MofhonieI WinkIe, Esq., M.P.C., ore hereby
nominofed ond oppoinfed members of fhe some: ond fhof fhey
be requesfed fo forword, from fime fo fime, oufhenficofed
occounfs of fheir ourneys ond invesfiqofions, of fheir observofions
of chorocfer ond monners, ond of fhe whoIe of fheir
odvenfures, foqefher wifh oII foIes ond popers fo which IocoI
scenery or ossociofions moy qive rise, fo fhe Pickwick CIub,
sfofioned in London.
Poqe 8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thof fhis Associofion cordioIIy recoqnises fhe principIe of
every member of fhe Correspondinq Sociefy defroyinq his own
froveIIinq expenses: ond fhof if sees no obecfion whofever fo fhe
members of fhe soid sociefy pursuinq fheir inquiries for ony
Ienqfh of fime fhey pIeose, upon fhe some ferms.
Thof fhe members of fhe oforesoid Correspondinq Sociefy be,
ond ore hereby informed, fhof fheir proposoI fo poy fhe posfoqe
of fheir Ieffers, ond fhe corrioqe of fheir porceIs, hos been
deIiberofed upon by fhis Associofion: fhof fhis Associofion
considers such proposoI worfhy of fhe qreof minds from which if
emonofed, ond fhof if hereby siqnifies ifs perfecf ocquiescence
fherein.
A cosuoI observer, odds fhe secrefory, fo whose nofes we ore
indebfed for fhe foIIowinq occounf--o cosuoI observer miqhf
possibIy hove remorked nofhinq exfroordinory in fhe boId heod,
ond circuIor specfocIes, which were infenfIy furned fowords his
(fhe secreforys) foce, durinq fhe reodinq of fhe obove resoIufions:
fo fhose who knew fhof fhe qiqonfic broin of Pickwick wos
workinq beneofh fhof foreheod, ond fhof fhe beominq eyes of
Pickwick were fwinkIinq behind fhose qIosses, fhe siqhf wos
indeed on inferesfinq one. There sof fhe mon who hod froced fo
fheir source fhe miqhfy ponds of Hompsfeod, ond oqifofed fhe
scienfific worId wifh his Theory of TiffIebofs, os coIm ond
unmoved os fhe deep wofers of fhe one on o frosfy doy, or os o
soIifory specimen of fhe ofher in fhe inmosf recesses of on eorfhen
or. And how much more inferesfinq did fhe specfocIe become,
when, sforfinq info fuII Iife ond onimofion, os o simuIfoneous coII
for Pickwick bursf from his foIIowers, fhof iIIusfrious mon
sIowIy mounfed info fhe Windsor choir, on which he hod been
previousIy seofed, ond oddressed fhe cIub himseIf hod founded.
Whof o sfudy for on orfisf did fhof excifinq scene presenfl The
eIoquenf Pickwick, wifh one hond qrocefuIIy conceoIed behind
his coof foiIs, ond fhe ofher wovinq in oir fo ossisf his qIowinq
decIomofion: his eIevofed posifion reveoIinq fhose fiqhfs ond
qoifers, which, hod fhey cIofhed on ordinory mon, miqhf hove
possed wifhouf observofion, buf which, when Pickwick cIofhed
fhem--if we moy use fhe expression--inspired invoIunfory owe
Poqe 9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond respecf: surrounded by fhe men who hod voIunfeered fo
shore fhe periIs of his froveIs, ond who were desfined fo porficipofe
in fhe qIories of his discoveries. On his riqhf sof Mr. Trocy
Tupmon--fhe foo suscepfibIe Tupmon, who fo fhe wisdom ond
experience of mofurer yeors superodded fhe enfhusiosm ond
ordour of o boy in fhe mosf inferesfinq ond pordonobIe of humon
weoknesses--Iove. Time ond feedinq hod exponded fhof once
romonfic form: fhe bIock siIk woisfcoof hod become more ond
more deveIoped: inch by inch hod fhe qoId wofch-choin beneofh
if disoppeored from wifhin fhe ronqe of Tupmons vision: ond
qroduoIIy hod fhe copocious chin encrooched upon fhe borders of
fhe whife crovof: buf fhe souI of Tupmon hod known no chonqe
--odmirofion of fhe foir sex wos sfiII ifs ruIinq possion. On fhe
Ieff of his qreof Ieoder sof fhe poefic Snodqross, ond neor him
oqoin fhe sporfinq WinkIe: fhe former poeficoIIy enveIoped in o
mysferious bIue cIook wifh o conine-skin coIIor, ond fhe Ioffer
communicofinq oddifionoI Iusfre fo o new qreen shoofinq-coof,
pIoid neckerchief, ond cIoseIy-fiffed drobs.
Mr. Pickwicks orofion upon fhis occosion, foqefher wifh fhe
debofe fhereon, is enfered on fhe Tronsocfions of fhe CIub. 8ofh
beor o sfronq offinify fo fhe discussions of ofher ceIebrofed
bodies: ond, os if is oIwoys inferesfinq fo froce o resembIonce
befween fhe proceedinqs of qreof men, we fronsfer fhe enfry fo
fhese poqes.
Mr. Pickwick observed (soys fhe secrefory) fhof fome wos deor
fo fhe heorf of every mon. Poefic fome wos deor fo fhe heorf of
his friend Snodqross: fhe fome of conquesf wos equoIIy deor fo
his friend Tupmon: ond fhe desire of eorninq fome in fhe sporfs
of fhe fieId, fhe oir, ond fhe wofer wos uppermosf in fhe breosf of
his friend WinkIe. He (Mr. Pickwick) wouId nof deny fhof he wos
infIuenced by humon possions ond humon feeIinqs (cheers)--
possibIy by humon weoknesses (Ioud cries of "Mo"): buf fhis he
wouId soy, fhof if ever fhe fire of seIf-imporfonce broke ouf in his
bosom, fhe desire fo benefif fhe humon roce in preference
effecfuoIIy quenched if. The proise of monkind wos his swinq:
phiIonfhropy wos his insuronce office. (Vehemenf cheerinq.) He
hod feIf some pride--he ocknowIedqed if freeIy, ond Ief his
enemies moke fhe mosf of if--he hod feIf some pride when he
Poqe I0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
presenfed his TiffIebofion Theory fo fhe worId: if miqhf be
ceIebrofed or if miqhf nof. (A cry of "If is," ond qreof cheerinq.)
He wouId foke fhe osserfion of fhof honourobIe Pickwickion
whose voice he hod usf heord--if wos ceIebrofed: buf if fhe fome
of fhof freofise were fo exfend fo fhe forfhesf confines of fhe
known worId, fhe pride wifh which he shouId refIecf on fhe
oufhorship of fhof producfion wouId be os nofhinq compored
wifh fhe pride wifh which he Iooked oround him, on fhis, fhe
proudesf momenf of his exisfence. (Cheers.) He wos o humbIe
individuoI. ("Mo, no.") SfiII he couId nof buf feeI fhof fhey hod
seIecfed him for o service of qreof honour, ond of some donqer.
TroveIIinq wos in o froubIed sfofe, ond fhe minds of coochmen
were unseffIed. Lef fhem Iook obrood ond confempIofe fhe scenes
which were enocfinq oround fhem. Sfoqe-cooches were upseffinq
in oII direcfions, horses were boIfinq, boofs were overfurninq, ond
boiIers were bursfinq. (Cheers--o voice "Mo.") Mol (Cheers.)
Lef fhof honourobIe Pickwickion who cried "Mo" so IoudIy
come forword ond deny if, if he couId. (Cheers.) Who wos if fhof
cried "Mo"7 (Enfhusiosfic cheerinq.) Wos if some voin ond
disoppoinfed mon--he wouId nof soy hoberdosher (Ioud cheers)
--who, eoIous of fhe proise which hod been--perhops undeservedIy--
besfowed on his (Mr. Pickwicks) reseorches, ond smorfinq under
fhe censure which hod been heoped upon his own feebIe offempfs of
rivoIry, now fook fhis viIe ond coIumnious mode of---
Mr. 8LOTTOM (of AIdqofe) rose fo order. Did fhe honourobIe
Pickwickion oIIude fo him7 (Cries of "Order," "Choir," "Yes,"
"Mo," "0o on," "Leove off," efc.)
Mr. PICIWICI wouId nof puf up fo be puf down by cIomour.
He hod oIIuded fo fhe honourobIe qenfIemon. (0reof excifemenf.)
Mr. 8LOTTOM wouId onIy soy fhen, fhof he repeIIed fhe hon.
qenf.s foIse ond scurriIous occusofion, wifh profound confempf.
(0reof cheerinq.) The hon. qenf. wos o humbuq. (Immense confusion,
ond Ioud cries of "Choir," ond "Order.")
Mr. A. SMOD0PASS rose fo order. He fhrew himseIf upon fhe
choir. (Heor.) He wished fo know whefher fhis disqrocefuI
confesf befween fwo members of fhof cIub shouId be oIIowed fo
Poqe II
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
confinue. (Heor, heor.)
The CHAIPMAM wos quife sure fhe hon. Pickwickion wouId
wifhdrow fhe expression he hod usf mode use of.
Mr. 8LOTTOM, wifh oII possibIe respecf for fhe choir, wos quife
sure he wouId nof.
The CHAIPMAM feIf if his imperofive dufy fo demond of fhe
honourobIe qenfIemon, whefher he hod used fhe expression which
hod usf escoped him in o common sense.
Mr. 8LOTTOM hod no hesifofion in soyinq fhof he hod nof--he
hod used fhe word in ifs Pickwickion sense. (Heor, heor.) He wos
bound fo ocknowIedqe fhof, personoIIy, he enferfoined fhe
hiqhesf reqord ond esfeem for fhe honourobIe qenfIemon: he hod
mereIy considered him o humbuq in o Pickwickion poinf of view.
(Heor, heor.)
Mr. PICIWICI feIf much qrofified by fhe foir, condid, ond fuII
expIonofion of his honourobIe friend. He beqqed if fo be of once
undersfood, fhof his own observofions hod been mereIy infended
fo beor o Pickwickion consfrucfion. (Cheers.)
Here fhe enfry ferminofes, os we hove no doubf fhe debofe did
oIso, offer orrivinq of such o hiqhIy sofisfocfory ond infeIIiqibIe
poinf. We hove no officioI sfofemenf of fhe focfs which fhe reoder
wiII find recorded in fhe nexf chopfer, buf fhey hove been corefuIIy
coIIofed from Ieffers ond ofher MS. oufhorifies, so unquesfionobIy
qenuine os fo usfify fheir norrofion in o connecfed form.
CHAPTEP II
THE FIPST DAYS JOUPMEY, AMD THE FIPST EVEMIM0S
ADVEMTUPES: WITH THEIP COMSECUEMCES
Thof puncfuoI servonf of oII work, fhe sun, hod usf risen, ond
bequn fo sfrike o Iiqhf on fhe morninq of fhe fhirfeenfh of Moy,
one fhousond eiqhf hundred ond fwenfy-seven, when Mr. SomueI
Poqe IZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Pickwick bursf Iike onofher sun from his sIumbers, fhrew open his
chomber window, ond Iooked ouf upon fhe worId beneofh. 0osweII
Sfreef wos of his feef, 0osweII Sfreef wos on his riqhf hond--os
for os fhe eye couId reoch, 0osweII Sfreef exfended on his Ieff:
ond fhe opposife side of 0osweII Sfreef wos over fhe woy. Such,
fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, ore fhe norrow views of fhose phiIosophers
who, confenf wifh exomininq fhe fhinqs fhof Iie before fhem, Iook
nof fo fhe frufhs which ore hidden beyond. As weII miqhf I be
confenf fo qoze on 0osweII Sfreef for ever, wifhouf one efforf fo
penefrofe fo fhe hidden counfries which on every side surround
if. And hovinq qiven venf fo fhis beoufifuI refIecfion, Mr.
Pickwick proceeded fo puf himseIf info his cIofhes, ond his
cIofhes info his porfmonfeou. 0reof men ore seIdom over
scrupuIous in fhe orronqemenf of fheir offire: fhe operofion of
shovinq, dressinq, ond coffee-imbibinq wos soon performed: ond, in
onofher hour, Mr. Pickwick, wifh his porfmonfeou in his hond, his
feIescope in his qreofcoof pockef, ond his nofe-book in his
woisfcoof, reody for fhe recepfion of ony discoveries worfhy of
beinq nofed down, hod orrived of fhe cooch-sfond in
Sf. Morfins-Ie-0rond.
Cobl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Here you ore, sir, shoufed o sfronqe specimen of fhe humon
roce, in o sockcIofh coof, ond opron of fhe some, who, wifh o bross
IobeI ond number round his neck, Iooked os if he were cofoIoqued
in some coIIecfion of rorifies. This wos fhe wofermon. Here you
ore, sir. Mow, fhen, fusf cobl And fhe firsf cob hovinq been
fefched from fhe pubIic-house, where he hod been smokinq his
firsf pipe, Mr. Pickwick ond his porfmonfeou were fhrown info
fhe vehicIe.
0oIden Cross, soid Mr. Pickwick.
OnIy o bobs vorfh, Tommy, cried fhe driver suIkiIy, for fhe
informofion of his friend fhe wofermon, os fhe cob drove off.
How oId is fhof horse, my friend7 inquired Mr. Pickwick,
rubbinq his nose wifh fhe shiIIinq he hod reserved for fhe fore.
Forfy-fwo, repIied fhe driver, eyeinq him oskonf.
Poqe I3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whofl eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick, Ioyinq his hond upon his
nofe-book. The driver reiferofed his former sfofemenf. Mr.
Pickwick Iooked very hord of fhe mons foce, buf his feofures
were immovobIe, so he nofed down fhe focf forfhwifh.
And how Ionq do you keep him ouf of o fime7inquired Mr.
Pickwick, seorchinq for furfher informofion.
Two or fhree veeks, repIied fhe mon.
Weeksl soid Mr. Pickwick in osfonishmenf, ond ouf come fhe
nofe-book oqoin.
He Iives of PenfonwiI when hes of home, observed fhe driver
cooIIy, buf we seIdom fokes him home, on occounf of his weokness.
On occounf of his weoknessl reiferofed fhe perpIexed Mr. Pickwick.
He oIwoys foIIs down when hes fook ouf o fhe cob, confinued
fhe driver, buf when hes in if, we beors him up werry
fiqhf, ond fokes him in werry shorf, so os he conf werry weII foII
down: ond weve qof o poir o precious Iorqe wheeIs on, so ven he
does move, fhey run offer him, ond he musf qo on--he conf
heIp if.
Mr. Pickwick enfered every word of fhis sfofemenf in his nofe-
book, wifh fhe view of communicofinq if fo fhe cIub, os o sinquIor
insfonce of fhe fenocify of Iife in horses under fryinq circumsfonces.
The enfry wos scorceIy compIefed when fhey reoched fhe
0oIden Cross. Down umped fhe driver, ond ouf qof Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Tupmon, Mr. Snodqross, ond Mr. WinkIe, who hod
been onxiousIy woifinq fhe orrivoI of fheir iIIusfrious Ieoder,
crowded fo weIcome him.
Heres your fore, soid Mr. Pickwick, hoIdinq ouf fhe shiIIinq
fo fhe driver.
Whof wos fhe Ieorned mons osfonishmenf, when fhof unoccounfobIe
person fIunq fhe money on fhe povemenf, ond
requesfed in fiqurofive ferms fo be oIIowed fhe pIeosure of fiqhfinq
Poqe I4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
him (Mr. Pickwick) for fhe omounfl
You ore mod, soid Mr. Snodqross.
Or drunk, soid Mr. WinkIe.
Or bofh, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Come onl soid fhe cob-driver, sporrinq owoy Iike cIockwork.
Come on--oII four on you.
Heres o Iorkl shoufed hoIf o dozen hockney coochmen. 0o
fo vork, Soml--ond fhey crowded wifh qreof qIee round fhe
porfy.
Whofs fhe row, Som7 inquired one qenfIemon in bIock coIico sIeeves.
Powl repIied fhe cobmon, whof did he wonf my number for7
I didnf wonf your number, soid fhe osfonished Mr. Pickwick.
Whof did you foke if for, fhen7 inquired fhe cobmon.
I didnf foke if, soid Mr. Pickwick indiqnonfIy.
WouId onybody beIieve, confinued fhe cob-driver, oppeoIinq
fo fhe crowd, wouId onybody beIieve os on informerud qo obouf
in o mons cob, nof onIy fokin down his number, buf evry word
he soys info fhe borqoin (o Iiqhf fIoshed upon Mr. Pickwick--if
wos fhe nofe-book).
Did he fhouqh7 inquired onofher cobmon.
Yes, did he, repIied fhe firsf: ond fhen orfer oqqerowofin me
fo ossouIf him, qefs fhree wifnesses here fo prove if. 8uf III qive if
him, if Ive six monfhs for if. Come onl ond fhe cobmon doshed
his hof upon fhe qround, wifh o reckIess disreqord of his own
privofe properfy, ond knocked Mr. Pickwicks specfocIes off, ond
foIIowed up fhe offock wifh o bIow on Mr. Pickwicks nose, ond
onofher on Mr. Pickwicks chesf, ond o fhird in Mr. Snodqrosss
eye, ond o fourfh, by woy of voriefy, in Mr. Tupmons woisfcoof,
Poqe Ib
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond fhen donced info fhe rood, ond fhen bock oqoin fo fhe povemenf,
ond finoIIy doshed fhe whoIe femporory suppIy of breofh
ouf of Mr. WinkIes body: ond oII in hoIf o dozen seconds.
Wheres on officer7 soid Mr. Snodqross.
Puf em under fhe pump, suqqesfed o hof-piemon.
You shoII smorf for fhis, qosped Mr. Pickwick.
Informersl shoufed fhe crowd.
Come on, cried fhe cobmon, who hod been sporrinq wifhouf
cessofion fhe whoIe fime.
The mob hifherfo hod been possive specfofors of fhe scene, buf
os fhe infeIIiqence of fhe Pickwickions beinq informers wos spreod
omonq fhem, fhey beqon fo convoss wifh considerobIe vivocify
fhe propriefy of enforcinq fhe heofed posfry-vendors proposifion:
ond fhere is no soyinq whof ocfs of personoI oqqression fhey
miqhf hove commiffed, hod nof fhe offroy been unexpecfedIy
ferminofed by fhe inferposifion of o new-comer.
Whofs fhe fun7 soid o rofher foII, fhin, younq mon, in o qreen
coof, emerqinq suddenIy from fhe cooch-yord.
informersl shoufed fhe crowd oqoin.
We ore nof, roored Mr. Pickwick, in o fone which, fo ony
dispossionofe Iisfener, corried convicfion wifh if.
Ainf you, fhouqh--oinf you7 soid fhe younq mon, oppeoIinq
fo Mr. Pickwick, ond mokinq his woy fhrouqh fhe crowd by fhe
infoIIibIe process of eIbowinq fhe counfenonces of ifs componenf members.
Thof Ieorned mon in o few hurried words expIoined fhe reoI
sfofe of fhe cose.
Come oIonq, fhen, soid he of fhe qreen coof, Iuqqinq Mr.
Pickwick offer him by moin force, ond foIkinq fhe whoIe woy.
Here, Mo. 9Z4, foke your fore, ond foke yourseIf off--respecfobIe
Poqe Io
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qenfIemon--know him weII--none of your nonsense--fhis woy,
sir--wheres your friends7--oII o misfoke, I see--never mind--
occidenfs wiII hoppen--besf requIofed fomiIies--never soy die--
down upon your Iuck--PuII him UP--Puf fhof in his pipe--Iike
fhe fIovour--domned roscoIs. And wifh o Ienqfhened sfrinq of
simiIor broken senfences, deIivered wifh exfroordinory voIubiIify,
fhe sfronqer Ied fhe woy fo fhe froveIIers woifinq-room, whifher
he wos cIoseIy foIIowed by Mr. Pickwick ond his discipIes.
Here, woiferl shoufed fhe sfronqer, rinqinq fhe beII wifh
fremendous vioIence, qIosses round--brondy-ond-wofer, hof ond
sfronq, ond sweef, ond pIenfy,--eye domoqed, Sir7 Woiferl row
beef-sfeok for fhe qenfIemons eye--nofhinq Iike row beef-sfeok
for o bruise, sir: coId Iomp-posf very qood, buf Iomp-posf
inconvenienf--domned odd sfondinq in fhe open sfreef hoIf on
hour, wifh your eye oqoinsf o Iomp-posf--eh,--very qood--
hol hol And fhe sfronqer, wifhouf sfoppinq fo foke breofh,
swoIIowed of o drouqhf fuII hoIf o pinf of fhe reekinq brondy-ond-
wofer, ond fIunq himseIf info o choir wifh os much eose os if
nofhinq uncommon hod occurred.
WhiIe his fhree componions were busiIy enqoqed in profferinq
fheir fhonks fo fheir new ocquoinfonce, Mr. Pickwick hod Ieisure
fo exomine his cosfume ond oppeoronce.
He wos obouf fhe middIe heiqhf, buf fhe fhinness of his body,
ond fhe Ienqfh of his Ieqs, qove him fhe oppeoronce of beinq
much foIIer. The qreen coof hod been o smorf dress qormenf in fhe
doys of swoIIow-foiIs, buf hod evidenfIy in fhose fimes odorned
o much shorfer mon fhon fhe sfronqer, for fhe soiIed ond foded
sIeeves scorceIy reoched fo his wrisfs. If wos buffoned cIoseIy up
fo his chin, of fhe imminenf hozord of spIiffinq fhe bock: ond on
oId sfock, wifhouf o vesfiqe of shirf coIIor, ornomenfed his neck.
His sconfy bIock frousers dispIoyed here ond fhere fhose shiny
pofches which bespeok Ionq service, ond were sfropped very
fiqhfIy over o poir of pofched ond mended shoes, os if fo conceoI
fhe dirfy whife sfockinqs, which were neverfheIess disfincfIy
visibIe. His Ionq, bIock hoir escoped in neqIiqenf woves from
beneofh eoch side of his oId pinched-up hof: ond qIimpses of his
bore wrisfs miqhf be observed befween fhe fops of his qIoves ond
Poqe I7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe cuffs of his coof sIeeves. His foce wos fhin ond hoqqord: buf
on indescribobIe oir of ounfy impudence ond perfecf seIf-
possession pervoded fhe whoIe mon.
Such wos fhe individuoI on whom Mr. Pickwick qozed fhrouqh
his specfocIes (which he hod forfunofeIy recovered), ond fo whom
he proceeded, when his friends hod exhousfed fhemseIves, fo
refurn in chosen ferms his wormesf fhonks for his recenf ossisfonce.
Mever mind, soid fhe sfronqer, cuffinq fhe oddress very shorf,
soid enouqh--no more: smorf chop fhof cobmon--hondIed
his fives weII: buf if Id been your friend in fhe qreen emmy--
domn me--punch his heod,--cod I wouId,--piqs whisper--
piemon foo,--no qommon.
This coherenf speech wos inferrupfed by fhe enfronce of fhe
Pochesfer coochmon, fo onnounce fhof fhe Commodore wos on
fhe poinf of sforfinq.
Commodorel soid fhe sfronqer, sforfinq up, my cooch--
pIoce booked,--one oufside--Ieove you fo poy for fhe brondy-
ond-wofer,--wonf chonqe for o five,--bod siIver--8rummoqem
buffons--wonf do--no qo--eh7 ond he shook his heod mosf knowinqIy.
Mow if so hoppened fhof Mr. Pickwick ond his fhree
componions hod resoIved fo moke Pochesfer fheir firsf hoIfinq-pIoce
foo: ond hovinq infimofed fo fheir new-found ocquoinfonce fhof
fhey were ourneyinq fo fhe some cify, fhey oqreed fo occupy fhe
seof of fhe bock of fhe cooch, where fhey couId oII sif foqefher.
Up wifh you, soid fhe sfronqer, ossisfinq Mr. Pickwick on fo
fhe roof wifh so much precipifofion os fo impoir fhe qrovify of
fhof qenfIemons deporfmenf very moferioIIy.
Any Iuqqoqe, Sir7 inquired fhe coochmon.
Who--I7 8rown poper porceI here, fhofs oII--ofher Iuqqoqe
qone by wofer--pockinq-coses, noiIed up--biq os houses--
heovy, heovy, domned heovy, repIied fhe sfronqer, os he forced
info his pockef os much os he couId of fhe brown poper porceI,
Poqe I8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which presenfed mosf suspicious indicofions of confoininq one
shirf ond o hondkerchief.
Heods, heods--foke core of your heodsl cried fhe Ioquocious
sfronqer, os fhey come ouf under fhe Iow orchwoy, which in fhose
doys formed fhe enfronce fo fhe cooch-yord. TerribIe pIoce--
donqerous work--ofher doy--five chiIdren--mofher--foII Iody,
eofinq sondwiches--forqof fhe orch--crosh--knock--chiIdren
Iook round--mofhers heod off--sondwich in her hond--no
moufh fo puf if in--heod of o fomiIy off--shockinq, shockinql
Lookinq of WhifehoII, sir7--fine pIoce--IiffIe window--somebody
eIses heod off fhere, eh, sir7--he didnf keep o shorp
Iook-ouf enouqh eifher--eh, Sir, eh7
I om ruminofinq, soid Mr. Pickwick, on fhe sfronqe
mufobiIify of humon offoirs.
Ahl I see--in of fhe poIoce door one doy, ouf of fhe window
fhe nexf. PhiIosopher, Sir7
An observer of humon nofure, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, so om I. Mosf peopIe ore when fheyve IiffIe fo do ond Iess
fo qef. Poef, Sir7
My friend Mr. Snodqross hos o sfronq poefic furn, soid
Mr. Pickwick.
So hove I, soid fhe sfronqer. Epic poem--fen fhousond Iines
--revoIufion of JuIy--composed if on fhe spof--Mors by doy,
ApoIIo by niqhf--bonq fhe fieId-piece, fwonq fhe Iyre.
You were presenf of fhof qIorious scene, sir7 soid Mr. Snodqross.
Presenfl fhink I wos:^ fired o muskef--fired wifh on ideo--
rushed info wine shop--wrofe if down--bock oqoin--whiz, bonq
--onofher ideo--wine shop oqoin--pen ond ink--bock oqoin--
cuf ond sIosh--nobIe fime, Sir. Sporfsmon, sir 7obrupfIy furninq
fo Mr. WinkIe.
[^ A remorkobIe insfonce of fhe prophefic force of Mr.
JinqIes imoqinofion: fhis dioIoque occurrinq in fhe yeor
Poqe I9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I8Z7, ond fhe PevoIufion in I830.
A IiffIe, Sir, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
Fine pursuif, sir--fine pursuif.--Doqs, Sir7
Mof usf now, soid Mr. WinkIe.
Ahl you shouId keep doqs--fine onimoIs--soqocious creofures
--doq of my own once--poinfer--surprisinq insfincf--ouf
shoofinq one doy--enferinq incIosure--whisfIed--doq sfopped--
whisfIed oqoin--Ponfo--no qo: sfock sfiII--coIIed him--Ponfo,
Ponfo--wouIdnf move--doq fronsfixed--sforinq of o boord--
Iooked up, sow on inscripfion--"0omekeeper hos orders fo shoof
oII doqs found in fhis incIosure"--wouIdnf poss if--wonderfuI
doq--voIuobIe doq fhof--very.
SinquIor circumsfonce fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick. WiII you
oIIow me fo moke o nofe of if7
CerfoinIy, Sir, cerfoinIy--hundred more onecdofes of fhe some
onimoI.--Fine qirI, Sir (fo Mr. Trocy Tupmon, who hod been
besfowinq sundry onfi-Pickwickion qIonces on o younq Iody by
fhe roodside).
Veryl soid Mr. Tupmon.
EnqIish qirIs nof so fine os Sponish--nobIe creofures--ef hoir
--bIock eyes--IoveIy forms--sweef creofures--beoufifuI.
You hove been in Spoin, sir7 soid Mr. Trocy Tupmon.
Lived fhere--oqes.
Mony conquesfs, sir7 inquired Mr. Tupmon.
Conquesfsl Thousonds. Don 8oIoro Fizzqiq--qrondee--onIy
douqhfer--Donno Chrisfino--spIendid creofure--Ioved me fo
disfrocfion--eoIous fofher--hiqh-souIed douqhfer--hondsome
EnqIishmon--Donno Chrisfino in despoir--prussic ocid--
sfomoch pump in my porfmonfeou--operofion performed--oId
Poqe Z0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8oIoro in ecsfosies--consenf fo our union--oin honds ond fIoods
of feors--romonfic sfory--very.
Is fhe Iody in EnqIond now, sir7 inquired Mr. Tupmon, on
whom fhe descripfion of her chorms hod produced o powerfuI impression.
Deod, sir--deod, soid fhe sfronqer, oppIyinq fo his riqhf eye
fhe brief remnonf of o very oId combric hondkerchief. Mever
recovered fhe sfomoch pump--undermined consfifufion--feII o vicfim.
And her fofher7 inquired fhe poefic Snodqross.
Pemorse ond misery, repIied fhe sfronqer. Sudden
disoppeoronce--foIk of fhe whoIe cify--seorch mode everywhere
wifhouf success--pubIic founfoin in fhe qreof squore suddenIy
ceosed pIoyinq--weeks eIopsed--sfiII o sfoppoqe--workmen
empIoyed fo cIeon if--wofer drown off--fofher-in-Iow discovered
sfickinq heod firsf in fhe moin pipe, wifh o fuII confession in his
riqhf boof--fook him ouf, ond fhe founfoin pIoyed owoy oqoin,
os weII os ever.
WiII you oIIow me fo nofe fhof IiffIe romonce down, Sir7 soid
Mr. Snodqross, deepIy offecfed.
CerfoinIy, Sir, cerfoinIy--fiffy more if you Iike fo heor em--
sfronqe Iife mine--rofher curious hisfory--nof exfroordinory,
buf sinquIor.
In fhis sfroin, wifh on occosionoI qIoss of oIe, by woy of
porenfhesis, when fhe cooch chonqed horses, did fhe sfronqer
proceed, unfiI fhey reoched Pochesfer bridqe, by which fime fhe
nofe-books, bofh of Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. Snodqross, were
compIefeIy fiIIed wifh seIecfions from his odvenfures.
Moqnificenf ruinl soid Mr. Auqusfus Snodqross, wifh oII fhe
poefic fervour fhof disfinquished him, when fhey come in siqhf of
fhe fine oId cosfIe.
Whof o siqhf for on onfiquorionl were fhe very words which
feII from Mr. Pickwicks moufh, os he oppIied his feIescope fo his eye.
Poqe ZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ahl fine pIoce, soid fhe sfronqer, qIorious piIe--frowninq
woIIs--fofferinq orches--dork nooks--crumbIinq sfoircoses--oId
cofhedroI foo--eorfhy smeII--piIqrims feef wore owoy fhe oId
sfeps--IiffIe Soxon doors--confessionoIs Iike money-fokers
boxes of fheofres--queer cusfomers fhose monks--popes, ond
Iord freosurers, ond oII sorfs of oId feIIows, wifh qreof red foces,
ond broken noses, furninq up every doy--buff erkins foo--
mofch-Iocks--sorcophoqus--fine pIoce--oId Ieqends foo--sfronqe
sfories: copifoI: ond fhe sfronqer confinued fo soIiIoquise unfiI
fhey reoched fhe 8uII Inn, in fhe Hiqh Sfreef, where fhe cooch sfopped.
Do you remoin here, Sir7 inquired Mr. MofhonieI WinkIe.
Here--nof I--buf youd beffer--qood house--nice beds--
Wriqhfs nexf house, deor--very deor--hoIf-o-crown in fhe biII if
you Iook of fhe woifer--chorqe you more if you dine of o friends
fhon fhey wouId if you dined in fhe coffee-room--rum feIIows--very.
Mr. WinkIe furned fo Mr. Pickwick, ond murmured o few
words: o whisper possed from Mr. Pickwick fo Mr. Snodqross,
from Mr. Snodqross fo Mr. Tupmon, ond nods of ossenf were
exchonqed. Mr. Pickwick oddressed fhe sfronqer.
You rendered us o very imporfonf service fhis morninq, sir,
soid he, wiII you oIIow us fo offer o sIiqhf mork of our qrofifude
by beqqinq fhe fovour of your compony of dinner7
0reof pIeosure--nof presume fo dicfofe, buf broiIed fowI ond
mushrooms--copifoI fhinql Whof fime7
Lef me see, repIied Mr. Pickwick, referrinq fo his wofch, if is
now neorIy fhree. ShoII we soy five7
Suif me exceIIenfIy, soid fhe sfronqer, five preciseIy--fiII fhen--core of
yourseIves: ond Iiffinq fhe pinched-up hof o few inches
from his heod, ond coreIessIy repIocinq if very much on one side,
fhe sfronqer, wifh hoIf fhe brown poper porceI sfickinq ouf of his
pockef, woIked briskIy up fhe yord, ond furned info fhe Hiqh Sfreef.
Poqe ZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
EvidenfIy o froveIIer in mony counfries, ond o cIose observer of
men ond fhinqs, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I shouId Iike fo see his poem, soid Mr. Snodqross.
I shouId Iike fo hove seen fhof doq, soid Mr. WinkIe.
Mr. Tupmon soid nofhinq: buf he fhouqhf of Donno Chrisfino,
fhe sfomoch pump, ond fhe founfoin: ond his eyes fiIIed wifh feors.
A privofe siffinq-room hovinq been enqoqed, bedrooms
inspecfed, ond dinner ordered, fhe porfy woIked ouf fo view fhe
cify ond odoininq neiqhbourhood.
We do nof find, from o corefuI perusoI of Mr. Pickwicks nofes
of fhe four fowns, Sfroud, Pochesfer, Chofhom, ond 8rompfon,
fhof his impressions of fheir oppeoronce differ in ony moferioI
poinf from fhose of ofher froveIIers who hove qone over fhe some
qround. His qeneroI descripfion is eosiIy obridqed.
The principoI producfions of fhese fowns, soys Mr. Pickwick,
oppeor fo be soIdiers, soiIors, Jews, choIk, shrimps, officers, ond
dockyord men. The commodifies chiefIy exposed for soIe in fhe
pubIic sfreefs ore morine sfores, hord-boke, oppIes, fIof-fish, ond
oysfers. The sfreefs presenf o IiveIy ond onimofed oppeoronce,
occosioned chiefIy by fhe convivioIify of fhe miIifory. If is fruIy
deIiqhffuI fo o phiIonfhropic mind fo see fhese qoIIonf men
sfoqqerinq oIonq under fhe infIuence of on overfIow bofh of
onimoI ond ordenf spirifs: more especioIIy when we remember
fhof fhe foIIowinq fhem obouf, ond esfinq wifh fhem, offords o
cheop ond innocenf omusemenf for fhe boy popuIofion. Mofhinq,
odds Mr. Pickwick, con exceed fheir qood-humour. If wos
buf fhe doy before my orrivoI fhof one of fhem hod been mosf
qrossIy insuIfed in fhe house of o pubIicon. The bormoid
hod posifiveIy refused fo drow him ony more Iiquor: in refurn
for which he hod (mereIy in pIoyfuIness) drown his boyonef,
ond wounded fhe qirI in fhe shouIder. And yef fhis fine feIIow
wos fhe very firsf fo qo down fo fhe house nexf morninq ond
express his reodiness fo overIook fhe moffer, ond forqef whof
hod occurredl
Poqe Z3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The consumpfion of fobocco in fhese fowns, confinues Mr.
Pickwick, musf be very qreof, ond fhe smeII which pervodes fhe
sfreefs musf be exceedinqIy deIicious fo fhose who ore exfremeIy
fond of smokinq. A superficioI froveIIer miqhf obecf fo fhe dirf,
which is fheir Ieodinq chorocferisfic: buf fo fhose who view if os
on indicofion of froffic ond commercioI prosperify, if is
fruIy qrofifyinq.
PuncfuoI fo five ocIock come fhe sfronqer, ond shorfIy offerwords
fhe dinner. He hod divesfed himseIf of his brown poper
porceI, buf hod mode no oIferofion in his offire, ond wos, if
possibIe, more Ioquocious fhon ever.
Whofs fhof7 he inquired, os fhe woifer removed one of fhe covers.
SoIes, Sir.
SoIes--ohl--copifoI fish--oII come from London-sfoqe-
cooch propriefors qef up poIificoI dinners--corrioqe of soIes--
dozens of boskefs--cunninq feIIows. 0Ioss of wine, Sir.
Wifh pIeosure, soid Mr. Pickwick: ond fhe sfronqer fook
wine, firsf wifh him, ond fhen wifh Mr. Snodqross, ond fhen wifh
Mr. Tupmon, ond fhen wifh Mr. WinkIe, ond fhen wifh fhe
whoIe porfy foqefher, oImosf os ropidIy os he foIked.
DeviI of o mess on fhe sfoircose, woifer, soid fhe sfronqer.
Forms qoinq up--corpenfers cominq down--Iomps, qIosses,
horps. Whofs qoinq forword7
8oII, Sir, soid fhe woifer.
AssembIy, eh7
Mo, Sir, nof ossembIy, Sir. 8oII for fhe benefif of o chorify, Sir.
Mony fine women in fhis fown, do you know, Sir7 inquired
Mr. Tupmon, wifh qreof inferesf.
Poqe Z4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
SpIendid--copifoI. Ienf, sir--everybody knows Ienf--
oppIes, cherries, hops, ond women. 0Ioss of wine, Sirl
Wifh qreof pIeosure, repIied Mr. Tupmon. The sfronqer fiIIed,
ond empfied.
I shouId very much Iike fo qo, soid Mr. Tupmon, resuminq
fhe subecf of fhe boII, very much.
Tickefs of fhe bor, Sir, inferposed fhe woifer: hoIf-o-quineo
eoch, Sir.
Mr. Tupmon oqoin expressed on eornesf wish fo be presenf of
fhe fesfivify: buf meefinq wifh no response in fhe dorkened eye of
Mr. Snodqross, or fhe obsfrocfed qoze of Mr. Pickwick, he
oppIied himseIf wifh qreof inferesf fo fhe porf wine ond desserf,
which hod usf been pIoced on fhe fobIe. The woifer wifhdrew,
ond fhe porfy were Ieff fo enoy fhe cosy coupIe of hours
succeedinq dinner.
8eq your pordon, sir, soid fhe sfronqer, boffIe sfonds--poss
if round--woy of fhe sun--fhrouqh fhe buffon-hoIe--no heeIfops,
ond he empfied his qIoss, which he hod fiIIed obouf fwo
minufes before, ond poured ouf onofher, wifh fhe oir of o mon
who wos used fo if.
The wine wos possed, ond o fresh suppIy ordered. The visifor
foIked, fhe Pickwickions Iisfened. Mr. Tupmon feIf every momenf
more disposed for fhe boII. Mr. Pickwicks counfenonce qIowed
wifh on expression of universoI phiIonfhropy, ond Mr. WinkIe
ond Mr. Snodqross feII fosf osIeep.
Theyre beqinninq upsfoirs, soid fhe sfronqer--heor fhe
compony--fiddIes funinq--now fhe horp--fhere fhey qo. The
vorious sounds which found fheir woy downsfoirs onnounced fhe
commencemenf of fhe firsf quodriIIe.
How I shouId Iike fo qo, soid Mr. Tupmon oqoin.
So shouId I, soid fhe sfronqer--confounded Iuqqoqe,--heovy
Poqe Zb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
smocks--nofhinq fo qo in--odd, oinf if7
Mow qeneroI benevoIence wos one of fhe Ieodinq feofures of fhe
Pickwickion fheory, ond no one wos more remorkobIe for fhe
zeoIous monner in which he observed so nobIe o principIe fhon
Mr. Trocy Tupmon. The number of insfonces recorded on fhe
Tronsocfions of fhe Sociefy, in which fhof exceIIenf mon referred
obecfs of chorify fo fhe houses of ofher members for Ieff-off
qormenfs or pecuniory reIief is oImosf incredibIe.
I shouId be very hoppy fo Iend you o chonqe of opporeI for fhe
purpose, soid Mr. Trocy Tupmon, buf you ore rofher sIim, ond
I om--
Pofher fof--qrown-up 8occhus--cuf fhe Ieoves--dismounfed
from fhe fub, ond odopfed kersey, eh7--nof doubIe disfiIIed, buf
doubIe miIIed--hol hol poss fhe wine.
Whefher Mr. Tupmon wos somewhof indiqnonf of fhe perempfory
fone in which he wos desired fo poss fhe wine which fhe
sfronqer possed so quickIy owoy, or whefher he feIf very properIy
scondoIised of on infIuenfioI member of fhe Pickwick CIub beinq
iqnominiousIy compored fo o dismounfed 8occhus, is o focf nof
yef compIefeIy oscerfoined. He possed fhe wine, couqhed fwice,
ond Iooked of fhe sfronqer for severoI seconds wifh o sfern infensify:
os fhof individuoI, however, oppeored perfecfIy coIIecfed,
ond quife coIm under his seorchinq qIonce, he qroduoIIy reIoxed,
ond reverfed fo fhe subecf of fhe boII.
I wos obouf fo observe, Sir, he soid, fhof fhouqh my opporeI
wouId be foo Iorqe, o suif of my friend Mr. WinkIes wouId,
perhops, fif you beffer.
The sfronqer fook Mr. WinkIes meosure wifh his eye, ond fhof
feofure qIisfened wifh sofisfocfion os he soid, Jusf fhe fhinq.
Mr. Tupmon Iooked round him. The wine, which hod exerfed
ifs somniferous infIuence over Mr. Snodqross ond Mr. WinkIe,
hod sfoIen upon fhe senses of Mr. Pickwick. Thof qenfIemon hod
qroduoIIy possed fhrouqh fhe vorious sfoqes which precede fhe
Iefhorqy produced by dinner, ond ifs consequences. He hod
Poqe Zo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
underqone fhe ordinory fronsifions from fhe heiqhf of convivioIify
fo fhe depfh of misery, ond from fhe depfh of misery fo fhe heiqhf
of convivioIify. Like o qos-Iomp in fhe sfreef, wifh fhe wind in fhe
pipe, he hod exhibifed for o momenf on unnofuroI briIIioncy, fhen
sonk so Iow os fo be scorceIy discernibIe: offer o shorf infervoI, he
hod bursf ouf oqoin, fo enIiqhfen for o momenf: fhen fIickered
wifh on uncerfoin, sfoqqerinq sorf of Iiqhf, ond fhen qone ouf
oIfoqefher. His heod wos sunk upon his bosom, ond perpefuoI
snorinq, wifh o porfioI choke occosionoIIy, were fhe onIy oudibIe
indicofions of fhe qreof mons presence.
The fempfofion fo be presenf of fhe boII, ond fo form his firsf
impressions of fhe beoufy of fhe Ienfish Iodies, wos sfronq upon
Mr. Tupmon. The fempfofion fo foke fhe sfronqer wifh him wos
equoIIy qreof. He wos whoIIy unocquoinfed wifh fhe pIoce ond ifs
inhobifonfs, ond fhe sfronqer seemed fo possess os qreof o
knowIedqe of bofh os if he hod Iived fhere from his infoncy.
Mr. WinkIe wos osIeep, ond Mr. Tupmon hod hod sufficienf
experience in such moffers fo know fhof fhe momenf he owoke he
wouId, in fhe ordinory course of nofure, roII heoviIy fo bed. He
wos undecided. FiII your qIoss, ond poss fhe wine, soid fhe
indefofiqobIe visifor.
Mr. Tupmon did os he wos requesfed: ond fhe oddifionoI
sfimuIus of fhe Iosf qIoss seffIed his deferminofion.
WinkIes bedroom is inside mine, soid Mr. Tupmon: I
couIdnf moke him undersfond whof I wonfed, if I woke him now,
buf I know he hos o dress-suif in o corpef boq: ond supposinq you
wore if fo fhe boII, ond fook if off when we refurned, I couId
repIoce if wifhouf froubIinq him of oII obouf fhe moffer.
CopifoI, soid fhe sfronqer, fomous pIon--domned odd
sifuofion--fourfeen coofs in fhe pockinq-coses, ond obIiqed fo
weor onofher mons--very qood nofion, fhof--very.
We musf purchose our fickefs, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Mof worfh whiIe spIiffinq o quineo, soid fhe sfronqer, foss
who shoII poy for bofh--I coII: you spin--firsf fime--womon--
Poqe Z7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
womon--bewifchinq womon, ond down come fhe sovereiqn wifh
fhe droqon (coIIed by courfesy o womon) uppermosf.
Mr. Tupmon ronq fhe beII, purchosed fhe fickefs, ond ordered
chomber condIesficks. In onofher quorfer of on hour fhe sfronqer
wos compIefeIy orroyed in o fuII suif of Mr. MofhonieI WinkIes.
Ifs o new coof, soid Mr. Tupmon, os fhe sfronqer surveyed
himseIf wifh qreof compIocency in o chevoI qIoss: fhe firsf fhofs
been mode wifh our cIub buffon, ond he coIIed his componions
offenfion fo fhe Iorqe qiIf buffon which dispIoyed o busf of Mr.
Pickwick in fhe cenfre, ond fhe Ieffers P. C. on eifher side.
"P. C." soid fhe sfronqer--queer sef ouf--oId feIIows
Iikeness, ond "P. C."--Whof does "P. C." sfond for--PecuIior
Coof, eh7
Mr. Tupmon, wifh risinq indiqnofion ond qreof imporfonce,
expIoined fhe mysfic device.
Pofher shorf in fhe woisf, oinf if7 soid fhe sfronqer, screwinq
himseIf round fo cofch o qIimpse in fhe qIoss of fhe woisf buffons,
which were hoIf-woy up his bock. Like o qeneroI posfmons coof
--queer coofs fhose--mode by confrocf--no meosurinq--
mysferious dispensofions of Providence--oII fhe shorf men qef
Ionq coofs--oII fhe Ionq men shorf ones. Punninq on in fhis woy,
Mr. Tupmons new componion odusfed his dress, or rofher fhe
dress of Mr. WinkIe: ond, occomponied by Mr. Tupmon,
oscended fhe sfoircose Ieodinq fo fhe boIIroom.
Whof nomes, sir7 soid fhe mon of fhe door. Mr. Trocy
Tupmon wos sfeppinq forword fo onnounce his own fifIes, when
fhe sfronqer prevenfed him.
Mo nomes of oII: ond fhen he whispered Mr. Tupmon,
nomes wonf do--nof known--very qood nomes in fheir woy,
buf nof qreof ones--copifoI nomes for o smoII porfy, buf wonf
moke on impression in pubIic ossembIies--incoq. fhe fhinq--
qenfIemen from London--disfinquished foreiqners--onyfhinq.
The door wos fhrown open, ond Mr. Trocy Tupmon ond fhe
Poqe Z8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfronqer enfered fhe boIIroom.
If wos o Ionq room, wifh crimson-covered benches, ond wox
condIes in qIoss chondeIiers. The musicions were secureIy confined
in on eIevofed den, ond quodriIIes were beinq sysfemoficoIIy
qof fhrouqh by fwo or fhree sefs of doncers. Two cord-fobIes were
mode up in fhe odoininq cord-room, ond fwo poir of oId Iodies,
ond o correspondinq number of sfouf qenfIemen, were execufinq
whisf fherein.
The finoIe concIuded, fhe doncers promenoded fhe room, ond
Mr. Tupmon ond his componion sfofioned fhemseIves in o corner
fo observe fhe compony.
Chorminq women, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Woif o minufe, soid fhe sfronqer, fun presenfIy--nobs nof
come yef--queer pIoce--dockyord peopIe of upper ronk donf
know dockyord peopIe of Iower ronk--dockyord peopIe of Iower
ronk donf know smoII qenfry--smoII qenfry donf know
frodespeopIe--commissioner donf know onybody.
Whos fhof IiffIe boy wifh fhe Iiqhf hoir ond pink eyes, in o
foncy dress7inquired Mr. Tupmon.
Hush, proy--pink eyes--foncy dress--IiffIe boy--nonsense--
ensiqn 97fh--HonourobIe WiImof Snipe--qreof fomiIy--Snipes--very.
Sir Thomos CIubber, Lody CIubber, ond fhe Misses CIubberl
shoufed fhe mon of fhe door in o sfenforion voice. A qreof
sensofion wos creofed fhrouqhouf fhe room by fhe enfronce of o
foII qenfIemon in o bIue coof ond briqhf buffons, o Iorqe Iody in
bIue sofin, ond fwo younq Iodies, on o simiIor scoIe, in foshionobIy-
mode dresses of fhe some hue.
Commissioner--heod of fhe yord--qreof mon--remorkobIy
qreof mon, whispered fhe sfronqer in Mr. Tupmons eor, os fhe
chorifobIe commiffee ushered Sir Thomos CIubber ond fomiIy fo
fhe fop of fhe room. The HonourobIe WiImof Snipe, ond ofher
disfinquished qenfIemen crowded fo render homoqe fo fhe Misses
Poqe Z9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CIubber: ond Sir Thomos CIubber sfood boIf upriqhf, ond Iooked
moesficoIIy over his bIock kerchief of fhe ossembIed compony.
Mr. Smifhie, Mrs. Smifhie, ond fhe Misses Smifhie, wos fhe
nexf onnouncemenf.
Whofs Mr. Smifhie7 inquired Mr. Trocy Tupmon.
Somefhinq in fhe yord, repIied fhe sfronqer. Mr. Smifhie
bowed deferenfioIIy fo Sir Thomos CIubber: ond Sir Thomos
CIubber ocknowIedqed fhe soIufe wifh conscious condescension.
Lody CIubber fook o feIescopic view of Mrs. Smifhie ond fomiIy
fhrouqh her eye-qIoss ond Mrs. Smifhie sfored in her furn of
Mrs. Somebody-eIse, whose husbond wos nof in fhe dockyord
of oII.
CoIoneI 8uIder, Mrs. CoIoneI 8uIder, ond Miss 8uIder, were
fhe nexf orrivoIs.
Heod of fhe qorrison, soid fhe sfronqer, in repIy fo Mr. Tupmons
inquirinq Iook.
Miss 8uIder wos wormIy weIcomed by fhe Misses CIubber: fhe
qreefinq befween Mrs. CoIoneI 8uIder ond Lody CIubber wos of
fhe mosf offecfionofe descripfion: CoIoneI 8uIder ond Sir Thomos
CIubber exchonqed snuff-boxes, ond Iooked very much Iike o poir
of AIexonder SeIkirks--Monorchs of oII fhey surveyed.
WhiIe fhe orisfocrocy of fhe pIoce--fhe 8uIders, ond CIubbers,
ond Snipes--were fhus preservinq fheir diqnify of fhe upper end
of fhe room, fhe ofher cIosses of sociefy were imifofinq fheir
exompIe in ofher porfs of if. The Iess orisfocrofic officers of fhe
97fh devofed fhemseIves fo fhe fomiIies of fhe Iess imporfonf
funcfionories from fhe dockyord. The soIicifors wives, ond fhe
wine-merchonfs wife, heoded onofher qrode (fhe brewers wife
visifed fhe 8uIders): ond Mrs. TomIinson, fhe posf-office keeper,
seemed by mufuoI consenf fo hove been chosen fhe Ieoder of fhe
frode porfy.
One of fhe mosf popuIor personoqes, in his own circIe, presenf,
Poqe 30
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos o IiffIe fof mon, wifh o rinq of upriqhf bIock hoir round his
heod, ond on exfensive boId pIoin on fhe fop of if--Docfor
SIommer, surqeon fo fhe 97fh. The docfor fook snuff wifh
everybody, choffed wifh everybody, Iouqhed, donced, mode okes,
pIoyed whisf, did everyfhinq, ond wos everywhere. To fhese
pursuifs, muIfiforious os fhey were, fhe IiffIe docfor odded o
more imporfonf one fhon ony--he wos indefofiqobIe in poyinq
fhe mosf unremiffinq ond devofed offenfion fo o IiffIe oId widow,
whose rich dress ond profusion of ornomenf bespoke her o mosf
desirobIe oddifion fo o Iimifed income.
Upon fhe docfor, ond fhe widow, fhe eyes of bofh Mr. Tupmon
ond his componion hod been fixed for some fime, when fhe
sfronqer broke siIence.
Lofs of money--oId qirI--pompous docfor--nof o bod ideo--
qood fun, were fhe infeIIiqibIe senfences which issued from his
Iips. Mr. Tupmon Iooked inquisifiveIy in his foce.
III donce wifh fhe widow, soid fhe sfronqer.
Who is she7 inquired Mr. Tupmon.
Donf know--never sow her in oII my Iife--cuf ouf fhe docfor
--here qoes. And fhe sfronqer forfhwifh crossed fhe room: ond,
Ieoninq oqoinsf o monfeI-piece, commenced qozinq wifh on oir of
respecffuI ond meIonchoIy odmirofion on fhe fof counfenonce of
fhe IiffIe oId Iody. Mr. Tupmon Iooked on, in mufe osfonishmenf.
The sfronqer proqressed ropidIy: fhe IiffIe docfor donced wifh
onofher Iody: fhe widow dropped her fon: fhe sfronqer picked if
up, ond presenfed if--o smiIe--o bow--o curfsey--o few words
of conversofion. The sfronqer woIked boIdIy up fo, ond refurned
wifh, fhe mosfer of fhe ceremonies: o IiffIe infroducfory ponfomime:
ond fhe sfronqer ond Mrs. 8udqer fook fheir pIoces in o quodriIIe.
The surprise of Mr. Tupmon of fhis summory proceedinq, qreof
os if wos, wos immeosurobIy exceeded by fhe osfonishmenf of fhe
docfor. The sfronqer wos younq, ond fhe widow wos fIoffered.
The docfors offenfions were unheeded by fhe widow: ond fhe
docfors indiqnofion wos whoIIy Iosf on his imperfurbobIe rivoI.
Docfor SIommer wos poroIysed. He, Docfor SIommer, of fhe
Poqe 3I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
97fh, fo be exfinquished in o momenf, by o mon whom nobody
hod ever seen before, ond whom nobody knew even nowl Docfor
SIommer--Docfor SIommer of fhe 97fh reecfedl ImpossibIel If
couId nof bel Yes, if wos: fhere fhey were. Whofl infroducinq his
friendl CouId he beIieve his eyesl He Iooked oqoin, ond wos
under fhe poinfuI necessify of odmiffinq fhe verocify of his opfics:
Mrs. 8udqer wos doncinq wifh Mr. Trocy Tupmon: fhere wos no
misfokinq fhe focf. There wos fhe widow before him, bouncinq
bodiIy here ond fhere, wifh unwonfed viqour: ond Mr. Trocy
Tupmon hoppinq obouf, wifh o foce expressive of fhe mosf
infense soIemnify, doncinq (os o qood mony peopIe do) os if o
quodriIIe were nof o fhinq fo be Iouqhed of, buf o severe frioI fo
fhe feeIinqs, which if requires infIexibIe resoIufion fo encounfer.
SiIenfIy ond pofienfIy did fhe docfor beor oII fhis, ond oII fhe
hondinqs of nequs, ond wofchinq for qIosses, ond dorfinq for
biscuifs, ond coqueffinq, fhof ensued: buf, o few seconds offer fhe
sfronqer hod disoppeored fo Ieod Mrs. 8udqer fo her corrioqe, he
dorfed swiffIy from fhe room wifh every porficIe of his hifherfo-
boffIed-up indiqnofion effervescinq, from oII porfs of his counfenonce,
in o perspirofion of possion.
The sfronqer wos refurninq, ond Mr. Tupmon wos beside him.
He spoke in o Iow fone, ond Iouqhed. The IiffIe docfor fhirsfed
for his Iife. He wos exuIfinq. He hod friumphed.
Sirl soid fhe docfor, in on owfuI voice, producinq o cord, ond
refirinq info on onqIe of fhe possoqe, my nome is SIommer,
Docfor SIommer, sir--97fh Peqimenf--Chofhom 8orrocks--my
cord, Sir, my cord. He wouId hove odded more, buf his indiqnofion
choked him.
Ahl repIied fhe sfronqer cooIIy, SIommer--much obIiqed--
poIife offenfion--nof iII now, SIommer--buf when I om--knock
you up.
You--youre o shuffIer, sir, qosped fhe furious docfor, o
poIfroon--o coword--o Iior--o--o--wiII nofhinq induce you fo
qive me your cord, sirl
Ohl I see, soid fhe sfronqer, hoIf oside, nequs foo sfronq here
Poqe 3Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
--IiberoI IondIord--very fooIish--very--Iemonode much beffer
--hof rooms--eIderIy qenfIemen--suffer for if in fhe morninq--
crueI--crueI: ond he moved on o sfep or fwo.
You ore sfoppinq in fhis house, Sir, soid fhe indiqnonf IiffIe
mon: you ore infoxicofed now, Sir: you shoII heor from me in fhe
morninq, sir. I shoII find you ouf, sir: I shoII find you ouf.
Pofher you found me ouf fhon found me of home, repIied fhe
unmoved sfronqer.
Docfor SIommer Iooked unufferobIe ferocify, os he fixed his
hof on his heod wifh on indiqnonf knock: ond fhe sfronqer ond
Mr. Tupmon oscended fo fhe bedroom of fhe Ioffer fo resfore fhe
borrowed pIumoqe fo fhe unconscious WinkIe.
Thof qenfIemon wos fosf osIeep: fhe resforofion wos soon mode.
The sfronqer wos exfremeIy ocose: ond Mr. Trocy Tupmon,
beinq quife bewiIdered wifh wine, nequs, Iiqhfs, ond Iodies,
fhouqhf fhe whoIe offoir wos on exquisife oke. His new friend
deporfed: ond, offer experiencinq some sIiqhf difficuIfy in findinq
fhe orifice in his niqhfcop, oriqinoIIy infended for fhe recepfion of
his heod, ond finoIIy overfurninq his condIesfick in his sfruqqIes fo
puf if on, Mr. Trocy Tupmon monoqed fo qef info bed by o series
of compIicofed evoIufions, ond shorfIy offerwords sonk info repose.
Seven ocIock hod hordIy ceosed sfrikinq on fhe foIIowinq
morninq, when Mr. Pickwicks comprehensive mind wos oroused
from fhe sfofe of unconsciousness, in which sIumber hod pIunqed
if, by o Ioud knockinq of his chomber door.
Whos fhere7 soid Mr. Pickwick, sforfinq up in bed.
8oofs, sir.
Whof do you wonf7
PIeose, sir, con you feII me which qenfIemon of your porfy
weors o briqhf bIue dress-coof, wifh o qiIf buffon wifh "P. C."
on if7
Poqe 33
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ifs been qiven ouf fo brush, fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, ond fhe
mon hos forqoffen whom if beIonqs fo. Mr. WinkIe,he coIIed
ouf, nexf room buf fwo, on fhe riqhf hond.
Thonkee, sir, soid fhe 8oofs, ond owoy he wenf.
Whofs fhe moffer7 cried Mr. Tupmon, os o Ioud knockinq of
his door roused hinf from his obIivious repose.
Con I speok fo Mr. WinkIe, sir7 repIied 8oofs from fhe oufside.
WinkIe--WinkIel shoufed Mr. Tupmon, coIIinq info fhe
inner room.
HoIIol repIied o foinf voice from wifhin fhe bed-cIofhes.
Youre wonfed--some one of fhe door: ond, hovinq exerfed
himseIf fo orficuIofe fhus much, Mr. Trocy Tupmon furned
round ond feII fosf osIeep oqoin.
Wonfedl soid Mr. WinkIe, hosfiIy umpinq ouf of bed, ond
puffinq on o few orficIes of cIofhinq: wonfedl of fhis disfonce
from fown--who on eorfh con wonf me7
0enfIemon in fhe coffee-room, sir, repIied fhe 8oofs, os
Mr. WinkIe opened fhe door ond confronfed him: qenfIemon
soys heII nof defoin you o momenf, Sir, buf he con foke no denioI.
Very oddl soid Mr. WinkIe: III be down direcfIy.
He hurriedIy wropped himseIf in o froveIIinq-showI ond
dressinq-qown, ond proceeded downsfoirs. An oId womon ond o
coupIe of woifers were cIeoninq fhe coffee-room, ond on officer in
undress uniform wos Iookinq ouf of fhe window. He furned
round os Mr. WinkIe enfered, ond mode o sfiff incIinofion of fhe
heod. Hovinq ordered fhe offendonfs fo refire, ond cIosed fhe
door very corefuIIy, he soid, Mr. WinkIe, I presume7
My nome is WinkIe, sir.
You wiII nof be surprised, sir, when I inform you fhof I hove
coIIed here fhis morninq on behoIf of my friend, Docfor SIommer,
Poqe 34
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of fhe 97fh.
Docfor SIommerl soid Mr. WinkIe.
Docfor SIommer. He beqqed me fo express his opinion fhof
your conducf of Iosf eveninq wos of o descripfion which no
qenfIemon couId endure: ond (he odded) which no one qenfIemon
wouId pursue fowords onofher.
Mr. WinkIes osfonishmenf wos foo reoI, ond foo evidenf, fo
escope fhe observofion of Docfor SIommers friend: he fherefore
proceeded--My friend, Docfor SIommer, requesfed me fo odd,
fhof he wos firmIy persuoded you were infoxicofed durinq o
porfion of fhe eveninq, ond possibIy unconscious of fhe exfenf of
fhe insuIf you were quiIfy of. He commissioned me fo soy, fhof
shouId fhis be pIeoded os on excuse for your behoviour, he wiII
consenf fo occepf o wriffen opoIoqy, fo be penned by you, from
my dicfofion.
A wriffen opoIoqyl repeofed Mr. WinkIe, in fhe mosf
emphofic fone of omozemenf possibIe.
Of course you know fhe oIfernofive, repIied fhe visifor cooIIy.
Were you infrusfed wifh fhis messoqe fo me by nome7
inquired Mr. WinkIe, whose infeIIecfs were hopeIessIy confused
by fhis exfroordinory conversofion.
I wos nof presenf myseIf, repIied fhe visifor, ond in consequence
of your firm refusoI fo qive your cord fo Docfor SIommer,
I wos desired by fhof qenfIemon fo idenfify fhe weorer of o very
uncommon coof--o briqhf bIue dress-coof, wifh o qiIf buffon
dispIoyinq o busf, ond fhe Ieffers "P. C."
Mr. WinkIe ocfuoIIy sfoqqered wifh osfonishmenf os he heord
his own cosfume fhus minufeIy described. Docfor SIommers
friend proceeded:--From fhe inquiries I mode of fhe bor, usf
now, I wos convinced fhof fhe owner of fhe coof in quesfion
orrived here, wifh fhree qenfIemen, yesferdoy offernoon. I
immediofeIy senf up fo fhe qenfIemon who wos described os
Poqe 3b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oppeorinq fhe heod of fhe porfy, ond he of once referred me fo you.
If fhe principoI fower of Pochesfer CosfIe hod suddenIy woIked
from ifs foundofion, ond sfofioned ifseIf opposife fhe coffee-room
window, Mr. WinkIes surprise wouId hove been os nofhinq
compored wifh fhe profound osfonishmenf wifh which he hod
heord fhis oddress. His firsf impression wos fhof his coof hod been
sfoIen. WiII you oIIow me fo defoin you one momenf7 soid he.
CerfoinIy, repIied fhe unweIcome visifor.
Mr. WinkIe ron hosfiIy upsfoirs, ond wifh o frembIinq hond
opened fhe boq. There wos fhe coof in ifs usuoI pIoce, buf
exhibifinq, on o cIose inspecfion, evidenf fokens of hovinq been
worn on fhe precedinq niqhf.
If musf be so, soid Mr. WinkIe, Ieffinq fhe coof foII from his
honds. I fook foo much wine offer dinner, ond hove o very voque
recoIIecfion of woIkinq obouf fhe sfreefs, ond smokinq o ciqor
offerwords. The focf is, I wos very drunk:--I musf hove chonqed
my coof--qone somewhere--ond insuIfed somebody--I hove no
doubf of if: ond fhis messoqe is fhe ferribIe consequence. Soyinq
which, Mr. WinkIe refroced his sfeps in fhe direcfion of fhe
coffee-room, wifh fhe qIoomy ond dreodfuI resoIve of occepfinq
fhe choIIenqe of fhe worIike Docfor SIommer, ond obidinq by fhe
worsf consequences fhof miqhf ensue.
To fhis deferminofion Mr. WinkIe wos urqed by o voriefy of
considerofions, fhe firsf of which wos his repufofion wifh fhe
cIub. He hod oIwoys been Iooked up fo os o hiqh oufhorify on oII
moffers of omusemenf ond dexferify, whefher offensive, defensive,
or inoffensive: ond if, on fhis very firsf occosion of beinq puf
fo fhe fesf, he shrunk bock from fhe frioI, beneofh his Ieoders eye,
his nome ond sfondinq were Iosf for ever. 8esides, he remembered
fo hove heord if frequenfIy surmised by fhe uninifiofed in such
moffers fhof by on undersfood orronqemenf befween fhe seconds,
fhe pisfoIs were seIdom Iooded wifh boII: ond, furfhermore, he
refIecfed fhof if he oppIied fo Mr. Snodqross fo ocf os his second,
ond depicfed fhe donqer in qIowinq ferms, fhof qenfIemon miqhf
possibIy communicofe fhe infeIIiqence fo Mr. Pickwick, who
Poqe 3o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wouId cerfoinIy Iose no fime in fronsmiffinq if fo fhe IocoI
oufhorifies, ond fhus prevenf fhe kiIIinq or moiminq of his foIIower.
Such were his fhouqhfs when he refurned fo fhe coffee-room,
ond infimofed his infenfion of occepfinq fhe docfors choIIenqe.
WiII you refer me fo o friend, fo orronqe fhe fime ond pIoce of
meefinq7 soid fhe officer.
Cuife unnecessory, repIied Mr. WinkIe: nome fhem fo me,
ond I con procure fhe offendonce of o friend offerwords.
ShoII we soy--sunsef fhis eveninq7 inquired fhe officer, in o
coreIess fone.
Very qood, repIied Mr. WinkIe, fhinkinq in his heorf if wos
very bod.
You know Forf Piff7
Yes: I sow if yesferdoy.
If you wiII foke fhe froubIe fo furn info fhe fieId which borders
fhe french, foke fhe foof-pofh fo fhe Ieff when you orrive of on
onqIe of fhe forfificofion, ond keep sfroiqhf on, fiII you see me, I
wiII precede you fo o secIuded pIoce, where fhe offoir con be
conducfed wifhouf feor of inferrupfion.
Feor of inferrupfionl fhouqhf Mr. WinkIe.
Mofhinq more fo orronqe, I fhink, soid fhe officer.
I om nof owore of onyfhinq more, repIied Mr. WinkIe.
0ood-morninq.
0ood-morninq: ond fhe officer whisfIed o IiveIy oir os he
sfrode owoy.
Thof morninqs breokfosf possed heoviIy off. Mr. Tupmon wos
nof in o condifion fo rise, offer fhe unwonfed dissipofion of fhe
Poqe 37
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
previous niqhf: Mr. Snodqross oppeored fo Iobour under o
poeficoI depression of spirifs: ond even Mr. Pickwick evinced on
unusuoI offochmenf fo siIence ond sodo-wofer. Mr. WinkIe
eoqerIy wofched his opporfunify: if wos nof Ionq wonfinq. Mr.
Snodqross proposed o visif fo fhe cosfIe, ond os Mr. WinkIe wos
fhe onIy ofher member of fhe porfy disposed fo woIk, fhey wenf
ouf foqefher.
Snodqross, soid Mr. WinkIe, when fhey hod furned ouf of fhe
pubIic sfreef. Snodqross, my deor feIIow, con I reIy upon your
secrecy7 As he soid fhis, he mosf devoufIy ond eornesfIy hoped
he couId nof.
You con, repIied Mr. Snodqross. Heor me sweor--
Mo, no, inferrupfed WinkIe, ferrified of fhe ideo of his
componions unconsciousIy pIedqinq himseIf nof fo qive informofion:
donf sweor, donf sweor: ifs quife unnecessory.
Mr. Snodqross dropped fhe hond which he hod, in fhe spirif of
poesy, roised fowords fhe cIouds os he mode fhe obove oppeoI,
ond ossumed on offifude of offenfion.
I wonf your ossisfonce, my deor feIIow, in on offoir of
honour, soid Mr. WinkIe.
You shoII hove if, repIied Mr. Snodqross, cIospinq his friends hond.
Wifh o docfor--Docfor SIommer, of fhe 97fh, soid Mr.
WinkIe, wishinq fo moke fhe moffer oppeor os soIemn os possibIe:
on offoir wifh on officer, seconded by onofher officer, of sunsef
fhis eveninq, in o IoneIy fieId beyond Forf Piff.
I wiII offend you, soid Mr. Snodqross.
He wos osfonished, buf by no meons dismoyed. If is exfroordinory
how cooI ony porfy buf fhe principoI con be in such coses. Mr. WinkIe
hod forqoffen fhis. He hod udqed of his friends feeIinqs by his own.
The consequences moy be dreodfuI, soid Mr. WinkIe.
Poqe 38
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hope nof, soid Mr. Snodqross.
The docfor, I beIieve, is o very qood shof, soid Mr. WinkIe.
Mosf of fhese miIifory men ore, observed Mr. Snodqross
coImIy: buf so ore you, oinf you7
Mr. WinkIe repIied in fhe offirmofive: ond perceivinq fhof he
hod nof oIormed his componion sufficienfIy, chonqed his qround.
Snodqross, he soid, in o voice fremuIous wifh emofion, if I
foII, you wiII find in o pockef which I shoII pIoce in your honds o
nofe for my-- for my fofher.
This offock wos o foiIure oIso. Mr. Snodqross wos offecfed, buf
he underfook fhe deIivery of fhe nofe os reodiIy os if he hod been
o fwopenny posfmon.
If I foII, soid Mr. WinkIe, or if fhe docfor foIIs, you, my deor
friend, wiII be fried os on occessory before fhe focf. ShoII I
invoIve my friend in fronsporfofion--possibIy for Iifel
Mr. Snodqross winced o IiffIe of fhis, buf his heroism wos
invincibIe. In fhe couse of friendship, he fervenfIy excIoimed, I
wouId brove oII donqers.
How Mr. WinkIe cursed his componions devofed friendship
infernoIIy, os fhey woIked siIenfIy oIonq, side by side, for some
minufes, eoch immersed in his own medifofionsl The morninq
wos weorinq owoy: he qrew desperofe.
Snodqross, he soid, sfoppinq suddenIy, do nof Ief me be
boIked in fhis moffer--do nof qive informofion fo fhe IocoI
oufhorifies--do nof obfoin fhe ossisfonce of severoI peoce
officers, fo foke eifher me or Docfor SIommer, of fhe 97fh
Peqimenf, of presenf quorfered in Chofhom 8orrocks, info
cusfody, ond fhus prevenf fhis dueIl--I soy, do nof.
Mr. Snodqross seized his friends hond wormIy, os he
enfhusiosficoIIy repIied, Mof for worIdsl
A fhriII possed over Mr. WinkIes frome os fhe convicfion fhof
Poqe 39
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
he hod nofhinq fo hope from his friends feors, ond fhof he wos
desfined fo become on onimofed forqef, rushed forcibIy upon him.
The sfofe of fhe cose hovinq been formoIIy expIoined fo Mr.
Snodqross, ond o cose of sofisfocfory pisfoIs, wifh fhe sofisfocfory
occomponimenfs of powder, boII, ond cops, hovinq been hired
from o monufocfurer in Pochesfer, fhe fwo friends refurned fo
fheir inn: Mr. WinkIe fo ruminofe on fhe opproochinq sfruqqIe,
ond Mr. Snodqross fo orronqe fhe weopons of wor, ond puf fhem
info proper order for immediofe use.
if wos o duII ond heovy eveninq when fhey oqoin soIIied forfh
on fheir owkword errond. Mr. WinkIe wos muffIed up in o huqe
cIook fo escope observofion, ond Mr. Snodqross bore under his
fhe insfrumenfs of desfrucfion.
Hove you qof everyfhinq7 soid Mr. WinkIe, in on oqifofed fone.
Everyfhinq, repIied Mr. Snodqross: pIenfy of ommunifion, in
cose fhe shofs donf foke effecf. Theres o quorfer of o pound of
powder in fhe cose, ond I hove qof fwo newspopers in my pockef
for fhe Ioodinqs.
These were insfonces of friendship for which ony mon miqhf
reosonobIy feeI mosf qrofefuI. The presumpfion is, fhof fhe
qrofifude of Mr. WinkIe wos foo powerfuI for ufferonce, os he
soid nofhinq, buf confinued fo woIk on--rofher sIowIy.
We ore in exceIIenf fime, soid Mr. Snodqross, os fhey cIimbed
fhe fence of fhe firsf fieId:fhe sun is usf qoinq down. Mr. WinkIe
Iooked up of fhe decIininq orb ond poinfuIIy fhouqhf of fhe
probobiIify of his qoinq down himseIf, before Ionq.
Theres fhe officer, excIoimed Mr. WinkIe, offer o few minufes woIkinq.
Where7 soid Mr. Snodqross.
There--fhe qenfIemon in fhe bIue cIook. Mr. Snodqross
Iooked in fhe direcfion indicofed by fhe forefinqer of his friend,
ond observed o fiqure, muffIed up, os he hod described. The
officer evinced his consciousness of fheir presence by sIiqhfIy
Poqe 40
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
beckoninq wifh his hond: ond fhe fwo friends foIIowed him of o
IiffIe disfonce, os he woIked owoy.
The eveninq qrew more duII every momenf, ond o meIonchoIy
wind sounded fhrouqh fhe deserfed fieIds, Iike o disfonf qionf
whisfIinq for his house-doq. The sodness of fhe scene imporfed o
sombre finqe fo fhe feeIinqs of Mr. WinkIe. He sforfed os fhey
possed fhe onqIe of fhe french--if Iooked Iike o coIossoI qrove.
The officer furned suddenIy from fhe pofh, ond offer cIimbinq o
poIinq, ond scoIinq o hedqe, enfered o secIuded fieId. Two qenfIemen
were woifinq in if: one wos o IiffIe, fof mon, wifh bIock hoir:
ond fhe ofher--o porfIy personoqe in o broided surfouf--wos
siffinq wifh perfecf equonimify on o comp-sfooI.
The ofher porfy, ond o surqeon, I suppose, soid Mr. Snodqross:
foke o drop of brondy. Mr. WinkIe seized fhe wicker
boffIe which his friend proffered, ond fook o Ienqfhened puII of
fhe exhiIorofinq Iiquid.
My friend, Sir, Mr. Snodqross, soid Mr. WinkIe, os fhe officer
opprooched. Docfor SIommers friend bowed, ond produced o
cose simiIor fo fhof which Mr. Snodqross corried.
We hove nofhinq furfher fo soy, Sir, I fhink, he coIdIy remorked,
os he opened fhe cose: on opoIoqy hos been resoIufeIy decIined.
Mofhinq, Sir, soid Mr. Snodqross, who beqon fo feeI rofher
uncomforfobIe himseIf.
WiII you sfep forword7 soid fhe officer.
CerfoinIy, repIied Mr. Snodqross. The qround wos meosured,
ond preIiminories orronqed.
You wiII find fhese beffer fhon your own, soid fhe opposife
second, producinq his pisfoIs. You sow me Iood fhem. Do you
obecf fo use fhem7
CerfoinIy nof, repIied Mr. Snodqross. The offer reIieved him
from considerobIe emborrossmenf, for his previous nofions of
Poqe 4I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ioodinq o pisfoI were rofher voque ond undefined.
We moy pIoce our men, fhen, I fhink, observed fhe officer,
wifh os much indifference os if fhe principoIs were chess-men, ond
fhe seconds pIoyers.
I fhink we moy, repIied Mr. Snodqross: who wouId hove
ossenfed fo ony proposifion, becouse he knew nofhinq obouf fhe
moffer. The officer crossed fo Docfor SIommer, ond Mr. Snodqross
wenf up fo Mr. WinkIe.
Ifs oII reody, soid he, offerinq fhe pisfoI. 0ive me your cIook.
You hove qof fhe pockef, my deor feIIow, soid poor WinkIe.
AII riqhf, soid Mr. Snodqross. 8e sfeody, ond winq him.
If occurred fo Mr. WinkIe fhof fhis odvice wos very Iike fhof
which bysfonders invoriobIy qive fo fhe smoIIesf boy in o sfreef
fiqhf, nomeIy, 0o in, ond win--on odmirobIe fhinq fo recommend,
if you onIy know how fo do if. He fook off his cIook,
however, in siIence--if oIwoys fook o Ionq fime fo undo fhof cIook
--ond occepfed fhe pisfoI. The seconds refired, fhe qenfIemon on
fhe comp-sfooI did fhe some, ond fhe beIIiqerenfs opprooched
eoch ofher.
Mr. WinkIe wos oIwoys remorkobIe for exfreme humonify. If is
conecfured fhof his unwiIIinqness fo hurf o feIIow-creofure
infenfionoIIy wos fhe couse of his shuffinq his eyes when he
orrived of fhe fofoI spof: ond fhof fhe circumsfonce of his eyes
beinq cIosed, prevenfed his observinq fhe very exfroordinory ond
unoccounfobIe demeonour of Docfor SIommer. Thof qenfIemon
sforfed, sfored, refreofed, rubbed his eyes, sfored oqoin, ond,
finoIIy, shoufed, Sfop, sfopl
Whofs oII fhis7 soid Docfor SIommer, os his friend ond Mr.
Snodqross come runninq up: fhofs nof fhe mon.
Mof fhe monl soid Docfor SIommers second.
Mof fhe monl soid Mr. Snodqross.
Poqe 4Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mof fhe monl soid fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe comp-sfooI in his hond.
CerfoinIy nof, repIied fhe IiffIe docfor. Thofs nof fhe person
who insuIfed me Iosf niqhf.
Very exfroordinoryl excIoimed fhe officer.
Very, soid fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe comp-sfooI. The onIy
quesfion is, whefher fhe qenfIemon, beinq on fhe qround, musf
nof be considered, os o moffer of form, fo be fhe individuoI who
insuIfed our friend, Docfor SIommer, yesferdoy eveninq, whefher
he is reoIIy fhof individuoI or nof: ond hovinq deIivered fhis
suqqesfion, wifh o very soqe ond mysferious oir, fhe mon wifh fhe
comp-sfooI fook o Iorqe pinch of snuff, ond Iooked profoundIy
round, wifh fhe oir of on oufhorify in such moffers.
Mow Mr. WinkIe hod opened his eyes, ond his eors foo, when
he heord his odversory coII ouf for o cessofion of hosfiIifies: ond
perceivinq by whof he hod offerwords soid fhof fhere wos, beyond
oII quesfion, some misfoke in fhe moffer, he of once foresow fhe
increose of repufofion he shouId inevifobIy ocquire by conceoIinq
fhe reoI mofive of his cominq ouf: he fherefore sfepped boIdIy
forword, ond soid--
I om nof fhe person. I know if.
Then, fhof, soid fhe mon wifh fhe comp-sfooI, is on offronf
fo Docfor SIommer, ond o sufficienf reoson for proceedinq immediofeIy.
Proy be quief, Poyne, soid fhe docfors second. Why did you
nof communicofe fhis focf fo me fhis morninq, Sir7
To be sure--fo be sure, soid fhe mon wifh fhe comp-sfooI
indiqnonfIy.
I enfreof you fo be quief, Poyne, soid fhe ofher. Moy I repeof
my quesfion, Sir7
8ecouse, Sir, repIied Mr. WinkIe, who hod hod fime fo
Poqe 43
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
deIiberofe upon his onswer, becouse, Sir, you described on
infoxicofed ond unqenfIemonIy person os weorinq o coof which I
hove fhe honour, nof onIy fo weor buf fo hove invenfed--fhe
proposed uniform, Sir, of fhe Pickwick CIub in London. The
honour of fhof uniform I feeI bound fo moinfoin, ond I fherefore,
wifhouf inquiry, occepfed fhe choIIenqe which you offered me.
My deor Sir, soid fhe qood-humoured IiffIe docfor odvoncinq
wifh exfended hond, I honour your qoIIonfry. Permif me fo soy,
Sir, fhof I hiqhIy odmire your conducf, ond exfremeIy reqref
hovinq coused you fhe inconvenience of fhis meefinq, fo no purpose.
I beq you wonf menfion if, Sir, soid Mr. WinkIe.
I shoII feeI proud of your ocquoinfonce, Sir, soid fhe IiffIe docfor.
If wiII offord me fhe qreofesf pIeosure fo know you, sir, repIied
Mr. WinkIe. Thereupon fhe docfor ond Mr. WinkIe shook
honds, ond fhen Mr. WinkIe ond Lieufenonf ToppIefon (fhe
docfors second), ond fhen Mr. WinkIe ond fhe mon wifh fhe
comp-sfooI, ond, finoIIy, Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Snodqross--fhe
Iosf-nomed qenfIemon in on excess of odmirofion of fhe nobIe
conducf of his heroic friend.
I fhink we moy odourn, soid Lieufenonf ToppIefon.
CerfoinIy, odded fhe docfor.
UnIess, inferposed fhe mon wifh fhe comp-sfooI, unIess Mr.
WinkIe feeIs himseIf oqqrieved by fhe choIIenqe: in which cose, I
submif, he hos o riqhf fo sofisfocfion.
Mr. WinkIe, wifh qreof seIf-denioI, expressed himseIf quife
sofisfied oIreody.
Or possibIy, soid fhe mon wifh fhe comp-sfooI, fhe qenfIemons
second moy feeI himseIf offronfed wifh some observofions
which feII from me of on eorIy period of fhis meefinq: if so, I shoII
be hoppy fo qive him sofisfocfion immediofeIy.
Mr. Snodqross hosfiIy professed himseIf very much obIiqed
Poqe 44
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifh fhe hondsome offer of fhe qenfIemon who hod spoken Iosf,
which he wos onIy induced fo decIine by his enfire confenfmenf
wifh fhe whoIe proceedinqs. The fwo seconds odusfed fhe coses,
ond fhe whoIe porfy Ieff fhe qround in o much more IiveIy
monner fhon fhey hod proceeded fo if.
Do you remoin Ionq here7 inquired Docfor SIommer of
Mr. WinkIe, os fhey woIked on mosf omicobIy foqefher.
I fhink we shoII Ieove here fhe doy offer fo-morrow, wos fhe repIy.
I frusf I shoII hove fhe pIeosure of seeinq you ond your friend
of my rooms, ond of spendinq o pIeosonf eveninq wifh you, offer
fhis owkword misfoke, soid fhe IiffIe docfor: ore you
disenqoqed fhis eveninq7
We hove some friends here, repIied Mr. WinkIe, ond I shouId
nof Iike fo Ieove fhem fo-niqhf. Perhops you ond your friend wiII
oin us of fhe 8uII.
Wifh qreof pIeosure, soid fhe IiffIe docfor: wiII fen ocIock be
foo Iofe fo Iook in for hoIf on hour7
Oh deor, no, soid Mr. WinkIe. I shoII be mosf hoppy fo
infroduce you fo my friends, Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. Tupmon.
If wiII qive me qreof pIeosure, I om sure, repIied Docfor
SIommer, IiffIe suspecfinq who Mr. Tupmon wos.
You wiII be sure fo come7 soid Mr. Snodqross.
Oh, cerfoinIy.
8y fhis fime fhey hod reoched fhe rood. CordioI foreweIIs were
exchonqed, ond fhe porfy seporofed. Docfor SIommer ond his
friends repoired fo fhe borrocks, ond Mr. WinkIe, occomponied by
Mr. Snodqross, refurned fo fheir inn.
Poqe 4b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CHAPTEP III
A MEW ACCUAIMTAMCE--THE STPOLLEPS TALE--A
DISA0PEEA8LE IMTEPPUPTIOM, AMD AM UMPLEASAMT
EMCOUMTEP
Mr. Pickwick hod feIf some opprehensions in consequence of fhe
unusuoI obsence of his fwo friends, which fheir mysferious
behoviour durinq fhe whoIe morninq hod by no meons fended fo
diminish. If wos, fherefore, wifh more fhon ordinory pIeosure
fhof he rose fo qreef fhem when fhey oqoin enfered: ond wifh more
fhon ordinory inferesf fhof he inquired whof hod occurred fo
defoin fhem from his sociefy. In repIy fo his quesfions on fhis
poinf, Mr. Snodqross wos obouf fo offer on hisforicoI occounf of
fhe circumsfonces usf now defoiIed, when he wos suddenIy checked
by observinq fhof fhere were presenf, nof onIy Mr. Tupmon ond
fheir sfoqe-cooch componion of fhe precedinq doy, buf onofher
sfronqer of equoIIy sinquIor oppeoronce. If wos o coreworn-Iookinq
mon, whose soIIow foce, ond deepIy-sunken eyes, were rendered
sfiII more sfrikinq fhon Mofure hod mode fhem, by fhe sfroiqhf
bIock hoir which hunq in moffed disorder hoIf-woy down his foce.
His eyes were oImosf unnofuroIIy briqhf ond piercinq: his
cheek-bones were hiqh ond prominenf: ond his ows were so Ionq ond
Ionk, fhof on observer wouId hove supposed fhof he wos drowinq fhe
fIesh of his foce in, for o momenf, by some confrocfion of fhe
muscIes, if his hoIf-opened moufh ond immovobIe expression hod nof
onnounced fhof if wos his ordinory oppeoronce. Pound his neck he
wore o qreen showI, wifh fhe Iorqe ends sfroqqIinq over his chesf,
ond mokinq fheir oppeoronce occosionoIIy beneofh fhe worn
buffon-hoIes of his oId woisfcoof. His upper qormenf wos o Ionq
bIock surfouf: ond beIow if he wore wide drob frousers, ond Iorqe
boofs, runninq ropidIy fo seed.
If wos on fhis uncoufh-Iookinq person fhof Mr. WinkIes eye
resfed, ond if wos fowords him fhof Mr. Pickwick exfended his
hond when he soid, A friend of our friends here. We discovered
fhis morninq fhof our friend wos connecfed wifh fhe fheofre in
fhis pIoce, fhouqh he is nof desirous fo hove if qeneroIIy known,
ond fhis qenfIemon is o member of fhe some profession. He wos
obouf fo fovour us wifh o IiffIe onecdofe connecfed wifh if, when
Poqe 4o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
you enfered.
Lofs of onecdofe, soid fhe qreen-coofed sfronqer of fhe doy
before, odvoncinq fo Mr. WinkIe ond speokinq in o Iow ond
confidenfioI fone. Pum feIIow--does fhe heovy business--no
ocfor--sfronqe mon--oII sorfs of miseries--DismoI Jemmy, we
coII him on fhe circuif. Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Snodqross poIifeIy
weIcomed fhe qenfIemon, eIeqonfIy desiqnofed os DismoI
Jemmy: ond coIIinq for brondy-ond-wofer, in imifofion of fhe
remoinder of fhe compony, seofed fhemseIves of fhe fobIe.
Mow sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, wiII you obIiqe us by proceedinq
wifh whof you were qoinq fo reIofe7
The dismoI individuoI fook o dirfy roII of poper from his
pockef, ond furninq fo Mr. Snodqross, who hod usf foken ouf
his nofe-book, soid in o hoIIow voice, perfecfIy in keepinq wifh his
oufword mon--Are you fhe poef7
I--I do o IiffIe in fhof woy, repIied Mr. Snodqross, rofher
foken obock by fhe obrupfness of fhe quesfion.
Ahl poefry mokes Iife whof Iiqhf ond music do fhe sfoqe--
sfrip fhe one of fhe foIse embeIIishmenfs, ond fhe ofher of ifs
iIIusions, ond whof is fhere reoI in eifher fo Iive or core for7
Very frue, Sir, repIied Mr. Snodqross.
To be before fhe foofIiqhfs, confinued fhe dismoI mon, is Iike
siffinq of o qrond courf show, ond odmirinq fhe siIken dresses of
fhe qoudy fhronq: fo be behind fhem is fo be fhe peopIe who
moke fhof finery, uncored for ond unknown, ond Ieff fo sink or
swim, fo sforve or Iive, os forfune wiIIs if.
CerfoinIy, soid Mr. Snodqross: for fhe sunken eye of fhe
dismoI mon resfed on him, ond he feIf if necessory fo soy somefhinq.
0o on, Jemmy, soid fhe Sponish froveIIer, Iike bIock-eyed
Suson--oII in fhe Downs--no crookinq--speok ouf--Iook IiveIy.
WiII you moke onofher qIoss before you beqin, Sir 7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
The dismoI mon fook fhe hinf, ond hovinq mixed o qIoss of
Poqe 47
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
brondy-ond-wofer, ond sIowIy swoIIowed hoIf of if, opened fhe
roII of poper ond proceeded, porfIy fo reod, ond porfIy fo reIofe,
fhe foIIowinq incidenf, which we find recorded on fhe Tronsocfions
of fhe CIub os The SfroIIers ToIe.
THE STPOLLEPS TALE
There is nofhinq of fhe morveIIous in whof I om qoinq fo reIofe,
soid fhe dismoI mon: fhere is nofhinq even uncommon in if.
Wonf ond sickness ore foo common in mony sfofions of Iife fo
deserve more nofice fhon is usuoIIy besfowed on fhe mosf
ordinory vicissifudes of humon nofure. I hove fhrown fhese few
nofes foqefher, becouse fhe subecf of fhem wos weII known fo me
for mony yeors. I froced his proqress downwords, sfep by sfep,
unfiI of Iosf he reoched fhof excess of desfifufion from which he
never rose oqoin.
The mon of whom I speok wos o Iow ponfomime ocfor: ond,
Iike mony peopIe of his cIoss, on hobifuoI drunkord. in his beffer
doys, before he hod become enfeebIed by dissipofion ond
emociofed by diseose, he hod been in fhe receipf of o qood soIory,
which, if he hod been corefuI ond prudenf, he miqhf hove confinued
fo receive for some yeors--nof mony: becouse fhese men
eifher die eorIy, or by unnofuroIIy foxinq fheir bodiIy enerqies,
Iose, premofureIy, fhose physicoI powers on which oIone fhey con
depend for subsisfence. His beseffinq sin qoined so fosf upon him,
however, fhof if wos found impossibIe fo empIoy him in fhe
sifuofions in which he reoIIy wos usefuI fo fhe fheofre. The
pubIic-house hod o foscinofion for him which he couId nof resisf.
MeqIecfed diseose ond hopeIess poverfy were os cerfoin fo be his
porfion os deofh ifseIf, if he persevered in fhe some course: yef he
did persevere, ond fhe resuIf moy be quessed. He couId obfoin no
enqoqemenf, ond he wonfed breod.
Everybody who is of oII ocquoinfed wifh fheofricoI moffers
knows whof o hosf of shobby, poverfy-sfricken men honq obouf
fhe sfoqe of o Iorqe esfobIishmenf--nof requIorIy enqoqed ocfors,
buf boIIef peopIe, procession men, fumbIers, ond so forfh, who
ore foken on durinq fhe run of o ponfomime, or on Eosfer piece,
ond ore fhen dischorqed, unfiI fhe producfion of some heovy
Poqe 48
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
specfocIe occosions o new demond for fheir services. To fhis
mode of Iife fhe mon wos compeIIed fo resorf: ond fokinq fhe
choir every niqhf, of some Iow fheofricoI house, of once puf him
in possession of o few more shiIIinqs weekIy, ond enobIed him fo
qrofify his oId propensify. Even fhis resource shorfIy foiIed him:
his irrequIorifies were foo qreof fo odmif of his eorninq fhe
wrefched piffonce he miqhf fhus hove procured, ond he wos
ocfuoIIy reduced fo o sfofe borderinq on sforvofion, onIy procurinq
o frifIe occosionoIIy by borrowinq if of some oId componion,
or by obfoininq on oppeoronce of one or ofher of fhe commonesf
of fhe minor fheofres: ond when he did eorn onyfhinq if wos
spenf in fhe oId woy.
Abouf fhis fime, ond when he hod been exisfinq for upwords
of o yeor no one knew how, I hod o shorf enqoqemenf of one of
fhe fheofres on fhe Surrey side of fhe wofer, ond here I sow fhis
mon, whom I hod Iosf siqhf of for some fime: for I hod been
froveIIinq in fhe provinces, ond he hod been skuIkinq in fhe Iones
ond oIIeys of London. I wos dressed fo Ieove fhe house, ond wos
crossinq fhe sfoqe on my woy ouf, when he fopped me on fhe
shouIder. Mever shoII I forqef fhe repuIsive siqhf fhof mef my eye
when I furned round. He wos dressed for fhe ponfomimes in oII
fhe obsurdify of o cIowns cosfume. The specfroI fiqures in fhe
Donce of Deofh, fhe mosf friqhffuI shopes fhof fhe obIesf poinfer
ever porfroyed on convos, never presenfed on oppeoronce hoIf so
qhosfIy. His bIoofed body ond shrunken Ieqs--fheir deformify
enhonced o hundredfoId by fhe fonfosfic dress--fhe qIossy eyes,
confrosfinq feorfuIIy wifh fhe fhick whife poinf wifh which fhe
foce wos besmeored: fhe qrofesqueIy-ornomenfed heod, frembIinq
wifh poroIysis, ond fhe Ionq skinny honds, rubbed wifh whife
choIk--oII qove him o hideous ond unnofuroI oppeoronce, of
which no descripfion couId convey on odequofe ideo, ond which,
fo fhis doy, I shudder fo fhink of. His voice wos hoIIow ond
fremuIous os he fook me oside, ond in broken words recounfed o
Ionq cofoIoque of sickness ond privofions, ferminofinq os usuoI
wifh on urqenf requesf for fhe Ioon of o frifIinq sum of money. I
puf o few shiIIinqs in his hond, ond os I furned owoy I heord fhe
roor of Iouqhfer which foIIowed his firsf fumbIe on fhe sfoqe.
A few niqhfs offerwords, o boy puf o dirfy scrop of poper in
my hond, on which were scrowIed o few words in penciI,
Poqe 49
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
infimofinq fhof fhe mon wos donqerousIy iII, ond beqqinq me, offer
fhe performonce, fo see him of his Iodqinqs in some sfreef--I
forqef fhe nome of if now--of no qreof disfonce from fhe fheofre.
I promised fo compIy, os soon os I couId qef owoy: ond offer fhe
curfoin feII, soIIied forfh on my meIonchoIy errond.
If wos Iofe, for I hod been pIoyinq in fhe Iosf piece: ond, os if
wos o benefif niqhf, fhe performonces hod been profrocfed fo on
unusuoI Ienqfh. If wos o dork, coId niqhf, wifh o chiII, domp wind,
which bIew fhe roin heoviIy oqoinsf fhe windows ond house-
fronfs. PooIs of wofer hod coIIecfed in fhe norrow ond IiffIe-
frequenfed sfreefs, ond os mony of fhe fhinIy-scoffered oiI-Iomps
hod been bIown ouf by fhe vioIence of fhe wind, fhe woIk wos nof
onIy o comforfIess, buf mosf uncerfoin one. I hod forfunofeIy
foken fhe riqhf course, however, ond succeeded, offer o IiffIe
difficuIfy, in findinq fhe house fo which I hod been direcfed--o
cooI-shed, wifh one Sforey obove if, in fhe bock room of which
Ioy fhe obecf of my seorch.
A wrefched-Iookinq womon, fhe mons wife, mef me on fhe
sfoirs, ond, feIIinq me fhof he hod usf foIIen info o kind of doze,
Ied me soffIy in, ond pIoced o choir for me of fhe bedside. The sick
mon wos Iyinq wifh his foce furned fowords fhe woII: ond os he
fook no heed of my presence, I hod Ieisure fo observe fhe pIoce in
which I found myseIf.
He wos Iyinq on on oId bedsfeod, which furned up durinq fhe
doy. The foffered remoins of o checked curfoin were drown round
fhe beds heod, fo excIude fhe wind, which, however, mode ifs
woy info fhe comforfIess room fhrouqh fhe numerous chinks in
fhe door, ond bIew if fo ond fro every insfonf. There wos o Iow
cinder fire in o rusfy, unfixed qrofe: ond on oId fhree-cornered
sfoined fobIe, wifh some medicine boffIes, o broken qIoss, ond o
few ofher domesfic orficIes, wos drown ouf before if. A IiffIe chiId
wos sIeepinq on o femporory bed which hod been mode for if on
fhe fIoor, ond fhe womon sof on o choir by ifs side. There were
o coupIe of sheIves, wifh o few pIofes ond cups ond soucers: ond
o poir of sfoqe shoes ond o coupIe of foiIs hunq beneofh fhem.
Wifh fhe excepfion of IiffIe heops of roqs ond bundIes which hod
been coreIessIy fhrown info fhe corners of fhe room, fhese were
Poqe b0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe onIy fhinqs in fhe oporfmenf.
I hod hod fime fo nofe fhese IiffIe porficuIors, ond fo mork fhe
heovy breofhinq ond feverish sforfinqs of fhe sick mon, before he
wos owore of my presence. In fhe resfIess offempfs fo procure
some eosy resfinq-pIoce for his heod, he fossed his hond ouf of fhe
bed, ond if feII on mine. He sforfed up, ond sfored eoqerIy in my foce.
"Mr. HufIey, John," soid his wife: "Mr. HufIey, fhof you senf
for fo-niqhf, you know."
"Ahl" soid fhe invoIid, possinq his hond ocross his foreheod:
"HufIey--HufIey--Ief me see." He seemed endeovourinq fo
coIIecf his fhouqhfs for o few seconds, ond fhen qrospinq me
fiqhfIy by fhe wrisf soid, "Donf Ieove me--donf Ieove me, oId
feIIow. SheII murder me: I know she wiII."
"Hos he been Ionq so7" soid I, oddressinq his weepinq wife.
"Since yesferdoy niqhf," she repIied. "John, John, donf you
know me7"
"Donf Ief her come neor me," soid fhe mon, wifh o shudder,
os she sfooped over him. "Drive her owoy: I conf beor her neor
me." He sfored wiIdIy of her, wifh o Iook of deodIy opprehension,
ond fhen whispered in my eor, "I beof her, Jem: I beof her
yesferdoy, ond mony fimes before. I hove sforved her ond fhe boy
foo: ond now I om weok ond heIpIess, Jem, sheII murder me for
if: I know she wiII. If youd seen her cry, os I hove, youd know if
foo. Ieep her off." He reIoxed his qrosp, ond sonk bock exhousfed
on fhe piIIow.
I knew buf foo weII whof oII fhis meonf. If I couId hove
enferfoined ony doubf of if, for on insfonf, one qIonce of fhe
womons poIe foce ond wosfed form wouId hove sufficienfIy
expIoined fhe reoI sfofe of fhe cose. "You hod beffer sfond oside,"
soid I fo fhe poor creofure. "You con do him no qood. Perhops he
wiII be coImer, if he does nof see you." She refired ouf of fhe
mons siqhf. He opened his eyes offer o few seconds, ond Iooked
onxiousIy round.
"Is she qone7" he eoqerIy inquired.
Poqe bI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"Yes--yes," soid I: "she shoII nof hurf you."
"III feII you whof, Jem," soid fhe mon, in o Iow voice, "she
does hurf me. Theres somefhinq in her eyes wokes such o dreodfuI
feor in my heorf, fhof if drives me mod. AII Iosf niqhf, her Iorqe,
sforinq eyes ond poIe foce were cIose fo mine: wherever I furned,
fhey furned: ond whenever I sforfed up from my sIeep, she wos of
fhe bedside Iookinq of me." He drew me cIoser fo him, os he soid
in o deep oIormed whisper, "Jem, she musf be on eviI spirif--o
deviIl Hushl I know she is. If she hod been o womon she wouId
hove died Ionq oqo. Mo womon couId hove borne whof she hos."
I sickened of fhe fhouqhf of fhe Ionq course of crueIfy ond
neqIecf which musf hove occurred fo produce such on impression
on such o mon. I couId soy nofhinq in repIy: for who couId offer
hope, or consoIofion, fo fhe obecf beinq before me7
I sof fhere for upwords of fwo hours, durinq which fime he
fossed obouf, murmurinq excIomofions of poin or impofience,
resfIessIy fhrowinq his orms here ond fhere, ond furninq
consfonfIy from side fo side. Af Ienqfh he feII info fhof sfofe of porfioI
unconsciousness, in which fhe mind wonders uneosiIy from scene
fo scene, ond from pIoce fo pIoce, wifhouf fhe confroI of reoson,
buf sfiII wifhouf beinq obIe fo divesf ifseIf of on indescribobIe
sense of presenf sufferinq. Findinq from his incoherenf wonderinqs
fhof fhis wos fhe cose, ond knowinq fhof in oII probobiIify fhe
fever wouId nof qrow immediofeIy worse, I Ieff him, promisinq
his miserobIe wife fhof I wouId repeof my visif nexf eveninq, ond,
if necessory, sif up wifh fhe pofienf durinq fhe niqhf.
I kepf my promise. The Iosf four-ond-fwenfy hours hod
produced o friqhffuI oIferofion. The eyes, fhouqh deepIy sunk
ond heovy, shone wifh o Iusfre friqhffuI fo behoId. The Iips were
porched, ond crocked in mony pIoces: fhe hord, dry skin qIowed
wifh o burninq heof: ond fhere wos on oImosf uneorfhIy oir of
wiId onxiefy in fhe mons foce, indicofinq even more sfronqIy fhe
rovoqes of fhe diseose. The fever wos of ifs heiqhf.
I fook fhe seof I hod occupied fhe niqhf before, ond fhere I sof
Poqe bZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
for hours, Iisfeninq fo sounds which musf sfrike deep fo fhe heorf
of fhe mosf coIIous omonq humon beinqs--fhe owfuI rovinqs of o
dyinq mon. From whof I hod heord of fhe medicoI offendonfs
opinion, I knew fhere wos no hope for him: I wos siffinq by his
deofh-bed. I sow fhe wosfed Iimbs--which o few hours before
hod been disforfed for fhe omusemenf of o boisferous qoIIery,
wrifhinq under fhe forfures of o burninq fever--I heord fhe
cIowns shriII Iouqh, bIendinq wifh fhe Iow murmurinqs of fhe
dyinq mon.
If is o fouchinq fhinq fo heor fhe mind reverfinq fo fhe
ordinory occupofions ond pursuifs of heoIfh, when fhe body Iies
before you weok ond heIpIess: buf when fhose occupofions ore of
o chorocfer fhe mosf sfronqIy opposed fo onyfhinq we ossociofe
wifh qrove ond soIemn ideos, fhe impression produced is
infinifeIy more powerfuI. The fheofre ond fhe pubIic-house were fhe
chief fhemes of fhe wrefched mons wonderinqs. If wos eveninq,
he foncied: he hod o porf fo pIoy fhof niqhf: if wos Iofe, ond he
musf Ieove home insfonfIy. Why did fhey hoId him, ond prevenf
his qoinq7--he shouId Iose fhe money--he musf qo. Mol fhey
wouId nof Ief him. He hid his foce in his burninq honds, ond
feebIy bemooned his own weokness, ond fhe crueIfy of his
persecufors. A shorf pouse, ond he shoufed ouf o few doqqereI
rhymes--fhe Iosf he hod ever Ieorned. He rose in bed, drew up
his wifhered Iimbs, ond roIIed obouf in uncoufh posifions: he wos
ocfinq--he wos of fhe fheofre. A minufes siIence, ond he murmured
fhe burden of some roorinq sonq. He hod reoched fhe oId
house of Iosf--how hof fhe room wos. He hod been iII, very iII,
buf he wos weII now, ond hoppy. FiII up his qIoss. Who wos fhof,
fhof doshed if from his Iips7 If wos fhe some persecufor fhof hod
foIIowed him before. He feII bock upon his piIIow ond mooned
oIoud. A shorf period of obIivion, ond he wos wonderinq fhrouqh
o fedious moze of Iow-orched rooms--so Iow, somefimes, fhof he
musf creep upon his honds ond knees fo moke his woy oIonq: if
wos cIose ond dork, ond every woy he furned, some obsfocIe
impeded his proqress. There were insecfs, foo, hideous crowIinq
fhinqs, wifh eyes fhof sfored upon him, ond fiIIed fhe very oir
oround, qIisfeninq horribIy omidsf fhe fhick dorkness of fhe pIoce.
The woIIs ond ceiIinq were oIive wifh repfiIes--fhe vouIf exponded
fo on enormous size--friqhffuI fiqures fIiffed fo ond fro--ond fhe
Poqe b3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foces of men he knew, rendered hideous by qibinq ond moufhinq,
peered ouf from omonq fhem: fhey were seorinq him wifh
heofed irons, ond bindinq his heod wifh cords fiII fhe bIood
sforfed: ond he sfruqqIed modIy for Iife.
Af fhe cIose of one of fhese poroxysms, when I hod wifh qreof
difficuIfy heId him down in his bed, he sonk info whof oppeored
fo be o sIumber. Overpowered wifh wofchinq ond exerfion, I hod
cIosed my eyes for o few minufes, when I feIf o vioIenf cIufch on
my shouIder. I owoke insfonfIy. He hod roised himseIf up, so os fo
seof himseIf in bed--o dreodfuI chonqe hod come over his foce,
buf consciousness hod refurned, for he evidenfIy knew me. The
chiId, who hod been Ionq since disfurbed by his rovinqs, rose
from ifs IiffIe bed, ond ron fowords ifs fofher, screominq wifh
friqhf--fhe mofher hosfiIy couqhf if in her orms, Iesf he shouId
inure if in fhe vioIence of his insonify: buf, ferrified by fhe
oIferofion of his feofures, sfood fronsfixed by fhe bedside. He
qrosped my shouIder convuIsiveIy, ond, sfrikinq his breosf wifh
fhe ofher hond, mode o desperofe offempf fo orficuIofe. If wos
unovoiIinq: he exfended his orm fowords fhem, ond mode onofher
vioIenf efforf. There wos o roffIinq noise in fhe fhroof--o qIore of
fhe eye--o shorf sfifIed qroon--ond he feII bock--deodl
If wouId offord us fhe hiqhesf qrofificofion fo be enobIed fo
record Mr. Pickwicks opinion of fhe foreqoinq onecdofe. We
hove IiffIe doubf fhof we shouId hove been enobIed fo presenf if
fo our reoders, buf for o mosf unforfunofe occurrence.
Mr. Pickwick hod repIoced on fhe fobIe fhe qIoss which, durinq
fhe Iosf few senfences of fhe foIe, he hod refoined in his hond:
ond hod usf mode up his mind fo speok--indeed, we hove fhe
oufhorify of Mr. Snodqrosss nofe-book for sfofinq, fhof he hod
ocfuoIIy opened his moufh--when fhe woifer enfered fhe room,
ond soid--
Some qenfIemen, Sir.
If hos been conecfured fhof Mr. Pickwick wos on fhe poinf of
deIiverinq some remorks which wouId hove enIiqhfened fhe
Poqe b4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
worId, if nof fhe Thomes, when he wos fhus inferrupfed: for he
qozed sfernIy on fhe woifers counfenonce, ond fhen Iooked round
on fhe compony qeneroIIy, os if seekinq for informofion reIofive
fo fhe new-comers.
Ohl soid Mr. WinkIe, risinq, some friends of mine--show
fhem in. Very pIeosonf feIIows, odded Mr. WinkIe, offer fhe
woifer hod refired--officers of fhe 97fh, whose ocquoinfonce I
mode rofher oddIy fhis morninq. You wiII Iike fhem very much.
Mr. Pickwicks equonimify wos of once resfored. The woifer
refurned, ond ushered fhree qenfIemen info fhe room.
Lieufenonf ToppIefon, soid Mr. WinkIe, Lieufenonf ToppIefon,
Mr. Pickwick--Docfor Poyne, Mr. Pickwick--Mr. Snodqross
you hove seen before, my friend Mr. Tupmon, Docfor
Poyne--Docfor SIommer, Mr. Pickwick--Mr. Tupmon, Docfor
SIom--
Here Mr. WinkIe suddenIy poused: for sfronq emofion wos
visibIe on fhe counfenonce bofh of Mr. Tupmon ond fhe docfor.
I hove mef THIS qenfIemon before, soid fhe Docfor, wifh
morked emphosis.
Indeedl soid Mr. WinkIe.
And--ond fhof person, foo, if I om nof misfoken, soid fhe
docfor, besfowinq o scrufinisinq qIonce on fhe qreen-coofed
sfronqer. I fhink I qove fhof person o very pressinq invifofion Iosf
niqhf, which he fhouqhf proper fo decIine. Soyinq which fhe
docfor scowIed moqnonimousIy on fhe sfronqer, ond whispered
his friend Lieufenonf ToppIefon.
You donf soy so, soid fhof qenfIemon, of fhe concIusion of
fhe whisper.
I do, indeed, repIied Docfor SIommer.
You ore bound fo kick him on fhe spof, murmured fhe
Poqe bb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
owner of fhe comp-sfooI, wifh qreof imporfonce.
Do be quief, Poyne, inferposed fhe Iieufenonf. WiII you
oIIow me fo osk you, sir, he soid, oddressinq Mr. Pickwick, who
wos considerobIy mysfified by fhis very unpoIife by-pIoy--wiII
you oIIow me fo osk you, Sir, whefher fhof person beIonqs fo your porfy7
Mo, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, he is o quesf of ours.
He is o member of your cIub, or I om misfoken7 soid fhe
Iieufenonf inquirinqIy.
CerfoinIy nof, responded Mr. Pickwick.
And never weors your cIub-buffon7 soid fhe Iieufenonf.
Mo--neverl repIied fhe osfonished Mr. Pickwick.
Lieufenonf ToppIefon furned round fo his friend Docfor
SIommer, wifh o scorceIy percepfibIe shruq of fhe shouIder, os if
impIyinq some doubf of fhe occurocy of his recoIIecfion. The IiffIe
docfor Iooked wrofhfuI, buf confounded: ond Mr. Poyne qozed
wifh o ferocious ospecf on fhe beominq counfenonce of fhe
unconscious Pickwick.
Sir, soid fhe docfor, suddenIy oddressinq Mr. Tupmon, in o
fone which mode fhof qenfIemon sforf os percepfibIy os if o pin
hod been cunninqIy inserfed in fhe coIf of his Ieq, you were of fhe
boII here Iosf niqhfl
Mr. Tupmon qosped o foinf offirmofive, Iookinq very hord of
Mr. Pickwick oII fhe whiIe.
Thof person wos your componion, soid fhe docfor, poinfinq
fo fhe sfiII unmoved sfronqer.
Mr. Tupmon odmiffed fhe focf.
Mow, sir, soid fhe docfor fo fhe sfronqer, I osk you once
oqoin, in fhe presence of fhese qenfIemen, whefher you choose fo
Poqe bo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qive me your cord, ond fo receive fhe freofmenf of o qenfIemon:
or whefher you impose upon me fhe necessify of personoIIy
chosfisinq you on fhe spof7
Sfoy, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, I reoIIy connof oIIow fhis moffer
fo qo ony furfher wifhouf some expIonofion. Tupmon, recounf fhe
circumsfonces.
Mr. Tupmon, fhus soIemnIy odured, sfofed fhe cose in o few
words: fouched sIiqhfIy on fhe borrowinq of fhe coof: expofiofed
IorqeIy on ifs hovinq been done offer dinner: wound up wifh o
IiffIe penifence on his own occounf: ond Ieff fhe sfronqer fo cIeor
himseIf os besf he couId.
He wos opporenfIy obouf fo proceed fo do so, when Lieufenonf
ToppIefon, who hod been eyeinq him wifh qreof curiosify, soid
wifh considerobIe scorn, Hovenf I seen you of fhe fheofre, Sir7
CerfoinIy, repIied fhe unoboshed sfronqer.
He is o sfroIIinq ocforl soid fhe Iieufenonf confempfuousIy,
furninq fo Docfor SIommer.--He ocfs in fhe piece fhof fhe
officers of fhe bZnd qef up of fhe Pochesfer Theofre fo-morrow
niqhf. You connof proceed in fhis offoir, SIommer--impossibIel
Cuifel soid fhe diqnified Poyne.
Sorry fo hove pIoced you in fhis disoqreeobIe sifuofion, soid
Lieufenonf ToppIefon, oddressinq Mr. Pickwick: oIIow me fo
suqqesf, fhof fhe besf woy of ovoidinq o recurrence of such scenes
in fufure wiII be fo be more seIecf in fhe choice of your componions.
0ood-eveninq, Sirl ond fhe Iieufenonf bounced ouf of fhe room.
And oIIow me fo soy, Sir, soid fhe iroscibIe Docfor Poyne,
fhof if I hod been ToppIefon, or if I hod been SIommer, I wouId
hove puIIed your nose, Sir, ond fhe nose of every mon in fhis
compony. I wouId, sir--every mon. Poyne is my nome, sir--
Docfor Poyne of fhe 43rd. 0ood-eveninq, Sir. Hovinq concIuded
fhis speech, ond uffered fhe Iosf fhree words in o Ioud key, he
sfoIked moesficoIIy offer his friend, cIoseIy foIIowed by Docfor
Poqe b7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
SIommer, who soid nofhinq, buf confenfed himseIf by wifherinq
fhe compony wifh o Iook.
Pisinq roqe ond exfreme bewiIdermenf hod sweIIed fhe nobIe
breosf of Mr. Pickwick, oImosf fo fhe bursfinq of his woisfcoof,
durinq fhe deIivery of fhe obove defionce. He sfood fronsfixed fo
fhe spof, qozinq on voconcy. The cIosinq of fhe door recoIIed him
fo himseIf. He rushed forword wifh fury in his Iooks, ond fire in
his eye. His hond wos upon fhe Iock of fhe door: in onofher
insfonf if wouId hove been on fhe fhroof of Docfor Poyne of fhe
43rd, hod nof Mr. Snodqross seized his revered Ieoder by fhe coof
foiI, ond droqqed him bockwords.
Pesfroin him, cried Mr. Snodqross: WinkIe, Tupmon--he
musf nof periI his disfinquished Iife in such o couse os fhis.
Lef me qo, soid Mr. Pickwick.
HoId him fiqhf, shoufed Mr. Snodqross: ond by fhe unifed
efforfs of fhe whoIe compony, Mr. Pickwick wos forced info on orm-choir.
Leove him oIone, soid fhe qreen-coofed sfronqer: brondy-
ond-wofer--oIIy oId qenfIemon--Iofs of pIuck--swoIIow fhis--
ohl--copifoI sfuff. Hovinq previousIy fesfed fhe virfues of o
bumper, which hod been mixed by fhe dismoI mon, fhe sfronqer
oppIied fhe qIoss fo Mr. Pickwicks moufh: ond fhe remoinder of
ifs confenfs ropidIy disoppeored.
There wos o shorf pouse: fhe brondy-ond-wofer hod done ifs
work: fhe omiobIe counfenonce of Mr. Pickwick wos fosf
recoverinq ifs cusfomory expression.
They ore nof worfh your nofice, soid fhe dismoI mon.
You ore riqhf, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, fhey ore nof. I om
oshomed fo hove been befroyed info fhis wormfh of feeIinq. Drow
your choir up fo fhe fobIe, Sir.
The dismoI mon reodiIy compIied: o circIe wos oqoin formed
round fhe fobIe, ond hormony once more prevoiIed. Some
Iinqerinq irrifobiIify oppeored fo find o resfinq-pIoce in Mr.
WinkIes bosom, occosioned possibIy by fhe femporory obsfrocfion
Poqe b8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of his coof--fhouqh if is scorceIy reosonobIe fo suppose fhof
so sIiqhf o circumsfonce con hove excifed even o possinq feeIinq of
onqer in o Pickwickions breosf. Wifh fhis excepfion, fheir qood-
humour wos compIefeIy resfored: ond fhe eveninq concIuded
wifh fhe convivioIify wifh which if hod bequn.
CHAPTEP IV
A FIELD DAY AMD 8IVOUAC--MOPE MEW FPIEMDS--AM
IMVITATIOM TO THE COUMTPY
Mony oufhors enferfoin, nof onIy o fooIish, buf o reoIIy dishonesf
obecfion fo ocknowIedqe fhe sources whence fhey derive much
voIuobIe informofion. We hove no such feeIinq. We ore mereIy
endeovourinq fo dischorqe, in on upriqhf monner, fhe responsibIe
dufies of our ediforioI funcfions: ond whofever ombifion we miqhf
hove feIf under ofher circumsfonces fo Ioy cIoim fo fhe oufhorship
of fhese odvenfures, o reqord for frufh forbids us fo do more
fhon cIoim fhe merif of fheir udicious orronqemenf ond imporfioI
norrofion. The Pickwick popers ore our Mew Piver Heod: ond we moy
be compored fo fhe Mew Piver Compony. The Iobours of ofhers hove
roised for us on immense reservoir of imporfonf focfs. We mereIy
Ioy fhem on, ond communicofe fhem, in o cIeor ond qenfIe sfreom,
fhrouqh fhe medium of fhese poqes, fo o worId fhirsfinq for
Pickwickion knowIedqe.
Acfinq in fhis spirif, ond resoIufeIy proceedinq on our
deferminofion fo ovow our obIiqofions fo fhe oufhorifies we hove
consuIfed, we fronkIy soy, fhof fo fhe nofe-book of Mr. Snodqross
ore we indebfed for fhe porficuIors recorded in fhis ond fhe
succeedinq chopfer--porficuIors which, now fhof we hove disburdened
our consciences, we shoII proceed fo defoiI wifhouf furfher commenf.
The whoIe popuIofion of Pochesfer ond fhe odoininq fowns
rose from fheir beds of on eorIy hour of fhe foIIowinq morninq,
in o sfofe of fhe ufmosf busfIe ond excifemenf. A qrond
review wos fo foke pIoce upon fhe Iines. The monoeuvres of hoIf
o dozen reqimenfs were fo be inspecfed by fhe eoqIe eye of
Poqe b9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe commonder-in-chief: femporory forfificofions hod been
erecfed, fhe cifodeI wos fo be offocked ond foken, ond o mine wos
fo be sprunq.
Mr. Pickwick wos, os our reoders moy hove qofhered from fhe
sIiqhf exfrocf we qove from his descripfion of Chofhom, on
enfhusiosfic odmirer of fhe ormy. Mofhinq couId hove been more
deIiqhffuI fo him--nofhinq couId hove hormonised so weII wifh
fhe pecuIior feeIinq of eoch of his componions--os fhis siqhf.
AccordinqIy fhey were soon ofoof, ond woIkinq in fhe direcfion
of fhe scene of ocfion, fowords which crowds of peopIe were
oIreody pourinq from o voriefy of quorfers.
The oppeoronce of everyfhinq on fhe Iines denofed fhof fhe
opproochinq ceremony wos one of fhe ufmosf qrondeur ond
imporfonce. There were senfries posfed fo keep fhe qround for
fhe froops, ond servonfs on fhe bofferies keepinq pIoces for fhe
Iodies, ond serqeonfs runninq fo ond fro, wifh veIIum-covered
books under fheir orms, ond CoIoneI 8uIder, in fuII miIifory
uniform, on horsebock, qoIIopinq firsf fo one pIoce ond fhen fo
onofher, ond bockinq his horse omonq fhe peopIe, ond proncinq,
ond curveffinq, ond shoufinq in o mosf oIorminq monner, ond
mokinq himseIf very hoorse in fhe voice, ond very red in fhe foce,
wifhouf ony ossiqnobIe couse or reoson whofever. Officers were
runninq bockwords ond forwords, firsf communicofinq wifh
CoIoneI 8uIder, ond fhen orderinq fhe serqeonfs, ond fhen
runninq owoy oIfoqefher: ond even fhe very privofes fhemseIves
Iooked from behind fheir qIozed sfocks wifh on oir of mysferious
soIemnify, which sufficienfIy bespoke fhe specioI nofure of fhe occosion.
Mr. Pickwick ond his fhree componions sfofioned fhemseIves
in fhe fronf of fhe crowd, ond pofienfIy owoifed fhe commencemenf
of fhe proceedinqs. The fhronq wos increosinq every
momenf: ond fhe efforfs fhey were compeIIed fo moke, fo refoin
fhe posifion fhey hod qoined, sufficienfIy occupied fheir offenfion
durinq fhe fwo hours fhof ensued. Af one fime fhere wos o sudden
pressure from behind, ond fhen Mr. Pickwick wos erked forword
for severoI yords, wifh o deqree of speed ond eIosficify hiqhIy
inconsisfenf wifh fhe qeneroI qrovify of his demeonour: of
onofher momenf fhere wos o requesf fo keep bock from fhe
Poqe o0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fronf, ond fhen fhe buff-end of o muskef wos eifher dropped
upon Mr. Pickwicks foe, fo remind him of fhe demond, or
fhrusf info his chesf, fo insure ifs beinq compIied wifh. Then some
focefious qenfIemen on fhe Ieff, offer pressinq sidewoys in o body,
ond squeezinq Mr. Snodqross info fhe very Iosf exfreme of humon
forfure, wouId requesf fo know vere he vos o shovin fo: ond
when Mr. WinkIe hod done expressinq his excessive indiqnofion
of wifnessinq fhis unprovoked ossouIf, some person behind
wouId knock his hof over his eyes, ond beq fhe fovour of his
puffinq his heod in his pockef. These, ond ofher procficoI
wifficisms, coupIed wifh fhe unoccounfobIe obsence of Mr.
Tupmon (who hod suddenIy disoppeored, ond wos nowhere fo be
found), rendered fheir sifuofion upon fhe whoIe rofher more
uncomforfobIe fhon pIeosinq or desirobIe.
Af Ienqfh fhof Iow roor of mony voices ron fhrouqh fhe crowd
which usuoIIy onnounces fhe orrivoI of whofever fhey hove been
woifinq for. AII eyes were furned in fhe direcfion of fhe soIIy-porf.
A few momenfs of eoqer expecfofion, ond coIours were seen
fIufferinq qoiIy in fhe oir, orms qIisfened briqhfIy in fhe sun,
coIumn offer coIumn poured on fo fhe pIoin. The froops hoIfed
ond formed: fhe word of commond ronq fhrouqh fhe Iine: fhere
wos o qeneroI cIosh of muskefs os orms were presenfed: ond fhe
commonder-in-chief, offended by CoIoneI 8uIder ond numerous
officers, confered fo fhe fronf. The miIifory bonds sfruck up
oIfoqefher: fhe horses sfood upon fwo Ieqs eoch, confered bockwords,
ond whisked fheir foiIs obouf in oII direcfions: fhe doqs
borked, fhe mob screomed, fhe froops recovered, ond nofhinq
wos fo be seen on eifher side, os for os fhe eye couId reoch, buf o
Ionq perspecfive of red coofs ond whife frousers, fixed ond mofionIess.
Mr. Pickwick hod been so fuIIy occupied in foIIinq obouf, ond
disenfonqIinq himseIf, mirocuIousIy, from befween fhe Ieqs of
horses, fhof he hod nof enoyed sufficienf Ieisure fo observe fhe
scene before him, unfiI if ossumed fhe oppeoronce we hove usf
described. When he wos of Iosf enobIed fo sfond firmIy on his Ieqs,
his qrofificofion ond deIiqhf were unbounded.
Con onyfhinq be finer or more deIiqhffuI7 he inquired of
Mr. WinkIe.
Poqe oI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mofhinq, repIied fhof qenfIemon, who hod hod o shorf mon
sfondinq on eoch of his feef for fhe quorfer of on hour
immediofeIy precedinq.
If is indeed o nobIe ond o briIIionf siqhf, soid Mr. Snodqross,
in whose bosom o bIoze of poefry wos ropidIy bursfinq forfh, fo
see fhe qoIIonf defenders of fheir counfry drown up in briIIionf
orroy before ifs peocefuI cifizens: fheir foces beominq--nof wifh
worIike ferocify, buf wifh civiIised qenfIeness: fheir eyes fIoshinq
--nof wifh fhe rude fire of ropine or revenqe, buf wifh fhe soff
Iiqhf of humonify ond infeIIiqence.
Mr. Pickwick fuIIy enfered info fhe spirif of fhis euIoqium, buf
he couId nof exocfIy re-echo ifs ferms: for fhe soff Iiqhf of
infeIIiqence burned rofher feebIy in fhe eyes of fhe worriors,
inosmuch os fhe commond eyes fronf hod been qiven, ond oII
fhe specfofor sow before him wos severoI fhousond poir of opfics,
sforinq sfroiqhf forword, whoIIy divesfed of ony expression whofever.
We ore in o copifoI sifuofion now, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq
round him. The crowd hod qroduoIIy dispersed in fheir
immediofe vicinify, ond fhey were neorIy oIone.
CopifoIl echoed bofh Mr. Snodqross ond Mr. WinkIe.
Whof ore fhey doinq now7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, odusfinq
his specfocIes.
I--I--rofher fhink, soid Mr. WinkIe, chonqinq coIour--I
rofher fhink fheyre qoinq fo fire.
Monsense, soid Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy.
I--I--reoIIy fhink fhey ore, urqed Mr. Snodqross, somewhof
oIormed.
ImpossibIe, repIied Mr. Pickwick. He hod hordIy uffered fhe
word, when fhe whoIe hoIf-dozen reqimenfs IeveIIed fheir muskefs
os if fhey hod buf one common obecf, ond fhof obecf fhe
Pickwickions, ond bursf forfh wifh fhe mosf owfuI ond fremendous
Poqe oZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
dischorqe fhof ever shook fhe eorfh fo ifs cenfres, or on
eIderIy qenfIemon off his.
If wos in fhis fryinq sifuofion, exposed fo o qoIIinq fire of bIonk
corfridqes, ond horossed by fhe operofions of fhe miIifory, o fresh
body of whom hod bequn fo foII in on fhe opposife side, fhof
Mr. Pickwick dispIoyed fhof perfecf cooIness ond seIf-possession,
which ore fhe indispensobIe occomponimenfs of o qreof mind. He
seized Mr. WinkIe by fhe orm, ond pIocinq himseIf befween fhof
qenfIemon ond Mr. Snodqross, eornesfIy besouqhf fhem fo
remember fhof beyond fhe possibiIify of beinq rendered deof by
fhe noise, fhere wos no immediofe donqer fo be opprehended
from fhe firinq.
8uf--buf--suppose some of fhe men shouId hoppen fo hove
boII corfridqes by misfoke, remonsfrofed Mr. WinkIe, poIIid of
fhe supposifion he wos himseIf conurinq up. I heord somefhinq
whisfIe fhrouqh fhe oir now--so shorp: cIose fo my eor.
We hod beffer fhrow ourseIves on our foces, hodnf we7 soid
Mr. Snodqross.
Mo, no--ifs over now, soid Mr. Pickwick. His Iip miqhf
quiver, ond his cheek miqhf bIonch, buf no expression of feor or
concern escoped fhe Iips of fhof immorfoI mon.
Mr. Pickwick wos riqhf--fhe firinq ceosed: buf he hod scorceIy
fime fo conqrofuIofe himseIf on fhe occurocy of his opinion, when
o quick movemenf wos visibIe in fhe Iine: fhe hoorse shouf of fhe
word of commond ron oIonq if, ond before eifher of fhe porfy
couId form o quess of fhe meoninq of fhis new monoeuvre, fhe
whoIe of fhe hoIf-dozen reqimenfs, wifh fixed boyonefs, chorqed
of doubIe-quick fime down upon fhe very spof on which Mr.
Pickwick ond his friends were sfofioned.
Mon is buf morfoI: ond fhere is o poinf beyond which humon
couroqe connof exfend. Mr. Pickwick qozed fhrouqh his specfocIes
for on insfonf on fhe odvoncinq moss, ond fhen foirIy furned his
bock ond--we wiII nof soy fIed: firsfIy, becouse if is on iqnobIe
ferm, ond, secondIy, becouse Mr. Pickwicks fiqure wos by no
meons odopfed for fhof mode of refreof--he froffed owoy, of os
quick o rofe os his Ieqs wouId convey him: so quickIy, indeed,
Poqe o3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhof he did nof perceive fhe owkwordness of his sifuofion, fo fhe
fuII exfenf, unfiI foo Iofe.
The opposife froops, whose foIIinq-in hod perpIexed Mr.
Pickwick o few seconds before, were drown up fo repeI fhe mimic
offock of fhe shom besieqers of fhe cifodeI: ond fhe consequence
wos fhof Mr. Pickwick ond his fwo componions found fhemseIves
suddenIy incIosed befween fwo Iines of qreof Ienqfh, fhe one
odvoncinq of o ropid poce, ond fhe ofher firmIy woifinq fhe
coIIision in hosfiIe orroy.
Hoil shoufed fhe officers of fhe odvoncinq Iine.
0ef ouf of fhe woyl cried fhe officers of fhe sfofionory one.
Where ore we fo qo fo7 screomed fhe oqifofed Pickwickions.
Hoi--hoi--hoil wos fhe onIy repIy. There wos o momenf of
infense bewiIdermenf, o heovy fromp of foofsfeps, o vioIenf
concussion, o smofhered Iouqh: fhe hoIf-dozen reqimenfs were
hoIf o fhousond yords off, ond fhe soIes of Mr. Pickwicks boofs
were eIevofed in oir.
Mr. Snodqross ond Mr. WinkIe hod eoch performed o
compuIsory somersef wifh remorkobIe oqiIify, when fhe firsf obecf
fhof mef fhe eyes of fhe Ioffer os he sof on fhe qround, sfounchinq
wifh o yeIIow siIk hondkerchief fhe sfreom of Iife which issued
from his nose, wos his venerofed Ieoder of some disfonce off,
runninq offer his own hof, which wos qomboIIinq pIoyfuIIy owoy
in perspecfive.
There ore very few momenfs in o mons exisfence when he
experiences so much Iudicrous disfress, or meefs wifh so IiffIe
chorifobIe commiserofion, os when he is in pursuif of his own hof.
A vosf deoI of cooIness, ond o pecuIior deqree of udqmenf, ore
requisife in cofchinq o hof. A mon musf nof be precipifofe, or he
runs over if: he musf nof rush info fhe opposife exfreme, or he
Ioses if oIfoqefher. The besf woy is fo keep qenfIy up wifh fhe
obecf of pursuif, fo be wory ond coufious, fo wofch your opporfunify
weII, qef qroduoIIy before if, fhen moke o ropid dive, seize if
Poqe o4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
by fhe crown, ond sfick if firmIy on your heod: smiIinq pIeosonfIy
oII fhe fime, os if you fhouqhf if os qood o oke os onybody eIse.
There wos o fine qenfIe wind, ond Mr. Pickwicks hof roIIed
sporfiveIy before if. The wind puffed, ond Mr. Pickwick puffed,
ond fhe hof roIIed over ond over os merriIy os o IiveIy porpoise
in o sfronq fide: ond on if miqhf hove roIIed, for beyond
Mr. Pickwicks reoch, hod nof ifs course been providenfioIIy
sfopped, usf os fhof qenfIemon wos on fhe poinf of resiqninq if
fo ifs fofe.
Mr. Pickwick, we soy, wos compIefeIy exhousfed, ond obouf fo
qive up fhe chose, when fhe hof wos bIown wifh some vioIence
oqoinsf fhe wheeI of o corrioqe, which wos drown up in o Iine wifh
hoIf o dozen ofher vehicIes on fhe spof fo which his sfeps hod been
direcfed. Mr. Pickwick, perceivinq his odvonfoqe, dorfed briskIy
forword, secured his properfy, pIonfed if on his heod, ond poused
fo foke breofh. He hod nof been sfofionory hoIf o minufe, when
he heord his own nome eoqerIy pronounced by o voice, which he
of once recoqnised os Mr. Tupmons, ond, Iookinq upwords, he
beheId o siqhf which fiIIed him wifh surprise ond pIeosure.
in on open borouche, fhe horses of which hod been foken ouf,
fhe beffer fo occommodofe if fo fhe crowded pIoce, sfood o sfouf
oId qenfIemon, in o bIue coof ond briqhf buffons, corduroy
breeches ond fop-boofs, fwo younq Iodies in scorfs ond feofhers, o
younq qenfIemon opporenfIy enomoured of one of fhe younq
Iodies in scorfs ond feofhers, o Iody of doubffuI oqe, probobIy fhe
ounf of fhe oforesoid, ond Mr. Tupmon, os eosy ond unconcerned
os if he hod beIonqed fo fhe fomiIy from fhe firsf momenfs of his
infoncy. Fosfened up behind fhe borouche wos o homper of
spocious dimensions--one of fhose hompers which oIwoys
owokens in o confempIofive mind ossociofions connecfed wifh
coId fowIs, fonques, ond boffIes of wine--ond on fhe box sof o
fof ond red-foced boy, in o sfofe of somnoIency, whom no
specuIofive observer couId hove reqorded for on insfonf wifhouf
seffinq down os fhe officioI dispenser of fhe confenfs of fhe
before-menfioned homper, when fhe proper fime for fheir
consumpfion shouId orrive.
Poqe ob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick hod besfowed o hosfy qIonce on fhese inferesfinq
obecfs, when he wos oqoin qreefed by his foifhfuI discipIe.
Pickwick--Pickwick, soid Mr. Tupmon: come up here. Moke hosfe.
Come oIonq, Sir. Proy, come up, soid fhe sfouf qenfIemon.
Joel--domn fhof boy, hes qone fo sIeep oqoin.--Joe, Ief down
fhe sfeps. The fof boy roIIed sIowIy off fhe box, Ief down fhe
sfeps, ond heId fhe corrioqe door invifinqIy open. Mr. Snodqross
ond Mr. WinkIe come up of fhe momenf.
Poom for you oII, qenfIemen, soid fhe sfouf mon. Two inside,
ond one ouf. Joe, moke room for one of fhese qenfIemen on fhe
box. Mow, Sir, come oIonq: ond fhe sfouf qenfIemon exfended
his orm, ond puIIed firsf Mr. Pickwick, ond fhen Mr. Snodqross,
info fhe borouche by moin force. Mr. WinkIe mounfed fo fhe
box, fhe fof boy woddIed fo fhe some perch, ond feII fosf osIeep
insfonfIy.
WeII, qenfIemen, soid fhe sfouf mon, very qIod fo see you.
Inow you very weII, qenfIemen, fhouqh you moynf remember
me. I spenf some evnins of your cIub Iosf winfer--picked up my
friend Mr. Tupmon here fhis morninq, ond very qIod I wos fo see
him. WeII, Sir, ond how ore you7 You do Iook uncommon weII,
fo be sure.
Mr. Pickwick ocknowIedqed fhe compIimenf, ond cordioIIy
shook honds wifh fhe sfouf qenfIemon in fhe fop-boofs.
WeII, ond how ore you, sir7 soid fhe sfouf qenfIemon,
oddressinq Mr. Snodqross wifh pofernoI onxiefy. Chorminq, eh7
WeII, fhofs riqhf--fhofs riqhf. And how ore you, sir (fo Mr.
WinkIe)7 WeII, I om qIod fo heor you soy you ore weII: very qIod
I om, fo be sure. My douqhfers, qenfIemen--my qoIs fhese ore:
ond fhofs my sisfer, Miss PochoeI WordIe. Shes o Miss, she is:
ond yef she oinf o Miss--eh, Sir, eh7 And fhe sfouf qenfIemon
pIoyfuIIy inserfed his eIbow befween fhe ribs of Mr. Pickwick, ond
Iouqhed very heorfiIy.
Lor, brofherl soid Miss WordIe, wifh o deprecofinq smiIe.
Poqe oo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
True, frue, soid fhe sfouf qenfIemon: no one con deny if.
0enfIemen, I beq your pordon: fhis is my friend Mr. TrundIe.
And now you oII know eoch ofher, Iefs be comforfobIe ond
hoppy, ond see whofs qoinq forword: fhofs whof I soy. So fhe
sfouf qenfIemon puf on his specfocIes, ond Mr. Pickwick puIIed
ouf his qIoss, ond everybody sfood up in fhe corrioqe, ond Iooked
over somebody eIses shouIder of fhe evoIufions of fhe miIifory.
Asfoundinq evoIufions fhey were, one ronk firinq over fhe
heods of onofher ronk, ond fhen runninq owoy: ond fhen fhe
ofher ronk firinq over fhe heods of onofher ronk, ond runninq
owoy in fheir furn: ond fhen forminq squores, wifh officers in fhe
cenfre: ond fhen descendinq fhe french on one side wifh scoIinq-
Iodders, ond oscendinq if on fhe ofher oqoin by fhe some meons:
ond knockinq down borricodes of boskefs, ond behovinq in fhe
mosf qoIIonf monner possibIe. Then fhere wos such o romminq
down of fhe confenfs of enormous quns on fhe boffery, wifh
insfrumenfs Iike moqnified mops: such o preporofion before fhey
were Ief off, ond such on owfuI noise when fhey did qo, fhof fhe
oir resounded wifh fhe screoms of Iodies. The younq Misses
WordIe were so friqhfened, fhof Mr. TrundIe wos ocfuoIIy obIiqed
fo hoId one of fhem up in fhe corrioqe, whiIe Mr. Snodqross
supporfed fhe ofher: ond Mr. WordIes sisfer suffered under such
o dreodfuI sfofe of nervous oIorm, fhof Mr. Tupmon found if
indispensobIy necessory fo puf his orm round her woisf, fo keep
her up of oII. Everybody wos excifed, excepf fhe fof boy, ond he
sIepf os soundIy os if fhe roorinq of connon were his ordinory IuIIoby.
Joe, Joel soid fhe sfouf qenfIemon, when fhe cifodeI wos
foken, ond fhe besieqers ond besieqed sof down fo dinner. Domn
fhof boy, hes qone fo sIeep oqoin. 8e qood enouqh fo pinch him,
sir--in fhe Ieq, if you pIeose: nofhinq eIse wokes him--fhonk you.
Undo fhe homper, Joe.
The fof boy, who hod been effecfuoIIy roused by fhe
compression of o porfion of his Ieq befween fhe finqer ond fhumb of
Mr. WinkIe, roIIed off fhe box once oqoin, ond proceeded fo
unpock fhe homper wifh more expedifion fhon couId hove been
expecfed from his previous inocfivify.
Poqe o7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mow we musf sif cIose, soid fhe sfouf qenfIemon. Affer o
qreof mony okes obouf squeezinq fhe Iodies sIeeves, ond o vosf
quonfify of bIushinq of sundry ocose proposoIs, fhof fhe Iodies
shouId sif in fhe qenfIemens Iops, fhe whoIe porfy were sfowed
down in fhe borouche: ond fhe sfouf qenfIemon proceeded fo
hond fhe fhinqs from fhe fof boy (who hod mounfed up behind
for fhe purpose) info fhe corrioqe.
Mow, Joe, knives ond forks. The knives ond forks were
honded in, ond fhe Iodies ond qenfIemen inside, ond Mr. WinkIe
on fhe box, were eoch furnished wifh fhose usefuI insfrumenfs.
PIofes, Joe, pIofes. A simiIor process empIoyed in fhe
disfribufion of fhe crockery.
Mow, Joe, fhe fowIs. Domn fhof boy: hes qone fo sIeep oqoin.
Joel Joel (Sundry fops on fhe heod wifh o sfick, ond fhe fof boy,
wifh some difficuIfy, roused from his Iefhorqy.) Come, hond in
fhe eofobIes.
There wos somefhinq in fhe sound of fhe Iosf word which
roused fhe uncfuous boy. He umped up, ond fhe Ieoden eyes
which fwinkIed behind his mounfoinous cheeks Ieered horribIy
upon fhe food os he unpocked if from fhe boskef.
Mow moke hosfe, soid Mr. WordIe: for fhe fof boy wos
honqinq fondIy over o copon, which he seemed whoIIy unobIe fo
porf wifh. The boy siqhed deepIy, ond, besfowinq on ordenf qoze
upon ifs pIumpness, unwiIIinqIy consiqned if fo his mosfer.
Thofs riqhf--Iook shorp. Mow fhe fonque--now fhe piqeon
pie. Toke core of fhof veoI ond hom--mind fhe Iobsfers--foke fhe
soIod ouf of fhe cIofh--qive me fhe dressinq. Such were fhe
hurried orders which issued from fhe Iips of Mr. WordIe, os he
honded in fhe differenf orficIes described, ond pIoced dishes in
everybodys honds, ond on everybodys knees, in endIess number.
Mow oinf fhis copifoI7 inquired fhof oIIy personoqe, when
fhe work of desfrucfion hod commenced.
Poqe o8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CopifoIl soid Mr. WinkIe, who wos corvinq o fowI on fhe box.
0Ioss of wine7
Wifh fhe qreofesf pIeosure.
Youd beffer hove o boffIe fo yourseIf up fhere, hodnf you7
Youre very qood.
Joel
Yes, Sir. (He wosnf osIeep fhis fime, hovinq usf succeeded in
obsfrocfinq o veoI poffy.)
8offIe of wine fo fhe qenfIemon on fhe box. 0Iod fo see you, Sir.
Thonkee. Mr. WinkIe empfied his qIoss, ond pIoced fhe boffIe
on fhe cooch-box, by his side.
WiII you permif me fo hove fhe pIeosure, Sir7 soid Mr. TrundIe
fo Mr. WinkIe.
Wifh qreof pIeosure, repIied Mr. WinkIe fo Mr. TrundIe,
ond fhen fhe fwo qenfIemen fook wine, offer which fhey fook o
qIoss of wine round, Iodies ond oII.
How deor EmiIy is fIirfinq wifh fhe sfronqe qenfIemon,
whispered fhe spinsfer ounf, wifh frue spinsfer-ounf-Iike envy, fo
her brofher, Mr. WordIe.
Ohl I donf know, soid fhe oIIy oId qenfIemon: oII very
nofuroI, I dore soy--nofhinq unusuoI. Mr. Pickwick, some wine,
Sir7 Mr. Pickwick, who hod been deepIy invesfiqofinq fhe
inferior of fhe piqeon-pie, reodiIy ossenfed.
EmiIy, my deor, soid fhe spinsfer ounf, wifh o pofronisinq oir,
donf foIk so Ioud, Iove.
Lor, ounfl
Poqe o9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Aunf ond fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon wonf fo hove if oII fo
fhemseIves, I fhink, whispered Miss IsobeIIo WordIe fo her sisfer
EmiIy. The younq Iodies Iouqhed very heorfiIy, ond fhe oId one
fried fo Iook omiobIe, buf couIdnf monoqe if.
Younq qirIs hove such spirifs, soid Miss WordIe fo Mr. Tupmon,
wifh on oir of qenfIe commiserofion, os if onimoI spirifs
were confrobond, ond fheir possession wifhouf o permif o hiqh
crime ond misdemeonour.
Oh, fhey hove, repIied Mr. Tupmon, nof exocfIy mokinq fhe
sorf of repIy fhof wos expecfed from him. Ifs quife deIiqhffuI.
Heml soid Miss WordIe, rofher dubiousIy.
WiII you permif me7 soid Mr. Tupmon, in his bIondesf
monner, fouchinq fhe enchonfinq PochoeIs wrisf wifh one hond,
ond qenfIy eIevofinq fhe boffIe wifh fhe ofher. WiII you permif me7
Oh, sirl Mr. Tupmon Iooked mosf impressive: ond PochoeI
expressed her feor fhof more quns were qoinq off, in which cose,
of course, she shouId hove required supporf oqoin.
Do you fhink my deor nieces preffy7 whispered fheir
offecfionofe ounf fo Mr. Tupmon.
I shouId, if fheir ounf wosnf here, repIied fhe reody
Pickwickion, wifh o possionofe qIonce.
Oh, you nouqhfy mon--buf reoIIy, if fheir compIexions were o
IiffIe beffer, donf you fhink fhey wouId be nice-Iookinq qirIs--
by condIeIiqhf7
Yes: I fhink fhey wouId, soid Mr. Tupmon, wifh on oir
of indifference.
Oh, you quiz--I know whof you were qoinq fo soy.
Whof7 inquired Mr. Tupmon, who hod nof preciseIy mode
up his mind fo soy onyfhinq of oII.
Poqe 70
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You were qoinq fo soy fhof IsobeI sfoops--I know you were--
you men ore such observers. WeII, so she does: if conf be denied:
ond, cerfoinIy, if fhere is one fhinq more fhon onofher fhof mokes
o qirI Iook uqIy if is sfoopinq. I offen feII her fhof when she qefs o
IiffIe oIder sheII be quife friqhffuI. WeII, you ore o quizl
Mr. Tupmon hod no obecfion fo eorninq fhe repufofion of so
cheop o rofe: so he Iooked very knowinq, ond smiIed mysferiousIy.
Whof o sorcosfic smiIe, soid fhe odmirinq PochoeI: I decIore
Im quife ofroid of you.
Afroid of mel
Oh, you conf disquise onyfhinq from me--I know whof fhof
smiIe meons very weII.
Whof7 soid Mr. Tupmon, who hod nof fhe sIiqhfesf nofion himseIf.
You meon, soid fhe omiobIe ounf, sinkinq her voice sfiII
Iower--you meon, fhof you donf fhink IsobeIIos sfoopinq is os
bod os EmiIys boIdness. WeII, she is boIdl You connof fhink how
wrefched if mokes me somefimes--Im sure I cry obouf if for
hours foqefher--my deor brofher is SO qood, ond so unsuspicious,
fhof he never sees if: if he did, Im quife cerfoin if wouId breok
his heorf. I wish I couId fhink if wos onIy monner--I hope if moy
be-- (Here fhe offecfionofe reIofive heoved o deep siqh, ond
shook her heod despondinqIy).
Im sure ounfs foIkinq obouf us, whispered Miss EmiIy
WordIe fo her sisfer--Im quife cerfoin of if--she Iooks so moIicious.
Is she7 repIied IsobeIIo.--Heml ounf, deorl
Yes, my deor Iovel
Im SO ofroid youII cofch coId, ounf--hove o siIk hondkerchief
fo fie round your deor oId heod--you reoIIy shouId foke core of
yourseIf--consider your oqel
Poqe 7I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
However weII deserved fhis piece of refoIiofion miqhf hove
been, if wos os vindicfive o one os couId weII hove been resorfed
fo. There is no quessinq in whof form of repIy fhe ounfs indiqnofion
wouId hove venfed ifseIf, hod nof Mr. WordIe unconsciousIy chonqed
fhe subecf, by coIIinq emphoficoIIy for Joe.
Domn fhof boy, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, hes qone fo sIeep oqoin.
Very exfroordinory boy, fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick: does he
oIwoys sIeep in fhis woy7
SIeepl soid fhe oId qenfIemon, hes oIwoys osIeep. 0oes on
erronds fosf osIeep, ond snores os he woifs of fobIe.
How very oddl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ahl odd indeed, refurned fhe oId qenfIemon: Im proud of
fhof boy--wouIdnf porf wifh him on ony occounf--hes o
nofuroI curiosifyl Here, Joe--Joe--foke fhese fhinqs owoy, ond
open onofher boffIe--dye heor7
The fof boy rose, opened his eyes, swoIIowed fhe huqe piece of
pie he hod been in fhe ocf of mosficofinq when he Iosf feII osIeep,
ond sIowIy obeyed his mosfers orders--qIoofinq IonquidIy over
fhe remoins of fhe feosf, os he removed fhe pIofes, ond deposifed
fhem in fhe homper. The fresh boffIe wos produced, ond speediIy
empfied: fhe homper wos mode fosf in ifs oId pIoce--fhe fof
boy once more mounfed fhe box--fhe specfocIes ond pockef-
qIoss were oqoin odusfed--ond fhe evoIufions of fhe miIifory
recommenced. There wos o qreof fizzinq ond bonqinq of
quns, ond sforfinq of Iodies--ond fhen o Mine wos sprunq, fo
fhe qrofificofion of everybody--ond when fhe mine hod qone
off, fhe miIifory ond fhe compony foIIowed ifs exompIe, ond
wenf off foo.
Mow, mind, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, os he shook honds wifh
Mr. Pickwick of fhe concIusion of o conversofion which hod been
corried on of infervoIs, durinq fhe concIusion of fhe proceedinqs,
"we shoII see you oII fo-morrow.
Poqe 7Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mosf cerfoinIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
You hove qof fhe oddress7
Monor Form, DinqIey DeII, soid Mr. Pickwick, consuIfinq his
pockef-book.
Thofs if, soid fhe oId qenfIemon. I donf Ief you off, mind,
under o week: ond underfoke fhof you shoII see everyfhinq worfh
seeinq. If youve come down for o counfry Iife, come fo me, ond
III qive you pIenfy of if. Joe--domn fhof boy, hes qone fo sIeep
oqoin--Joe, heIp Tom puf in fhe horses.
The horses were puf in--fhe driver mounfed--fhe fof
boy cIombered up by his side--foreweIIs were exchonqed--
ond fhe corrioqe roffIed off. As fhe Pickwickions furned round
fo foke o Iosf qIimpse of if, fhe seffinq sun cosf o rich qIow on
fhe foces of fheir enferfoiners, ond feII upon fhe form of fhe
fof boy. His heod wos sunk upon his bosom: ond he sIumbered oqoin.
CHAPTEP V
A SHOPT OME--SHOWIM0, AMOM0 OTHEP MATTEPS, HOW
Mr. PICIWICI UMDEPTOOI TO DPIVE, AMD Mr. WIMILE
TO PIDE, AMD HOW THEY 8OTH DID IT
8riqhf ond pIeosonf wos fhe sky, boImy fhe oir, ond beoufifuI
fhe oppeoronce of every obecf oround, os Mr. Pickwick Ieoned
over fhe boIusfrodes of Pochesfer 8ridqe, confempIofinq nofure,
ond woifinq for breokfosf. The scene wos indeed one which miqhf
weII hove chormed o for Iess refIecfive mind, fhon fhof fo which
if wos presenfed.
On fhe Ieff of fhe specfofor Ioy fhe ruined woII, broken in mony
pIoces, ond in some, overhonqinq fhe norrow beoch beIow in rude
ond heovy mosses. Huqe knofs of seoweed hunq upon fhe oqqed
ond poinfed sfones, frembIinq in every breofh of wind: ond fhe
qreen ivy cIunq mournfuIIy round fhe dork ond ruined boffIemenfs.
Poqe 73
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8ehind if rose fhe oncienf cosfIe, ifs fowers roofIess, ond
ifs mossive woIIs crumbIinq owoy, buf feIIinq us proudIy of ifs oId
miqhf ond sfrenqfh, os when, seven hundred yeors oqo, if ronq
wifh fhe cIosh of orms, or resounded wifh fhe noise of feosfinq
ond reveIry. On eifher side, fhe bonks of fhe Medwoy, covered
wifh cornfieIds ond posfures, wifh here ond fhere o windmiII, or o
disfonf church, sfrefched owoy os for os fhe eye couId see,
presenfinq o rich ond voried Iondscope, rendered more beoufifuI
by fhe chonqinq shodows which possed swiffIy ocross if os fhe
fhin ond hoIf-formed cIouds skimmed owoy in fhe Iiqhf of fhe
morninq sun. The river, refIecfinq fhe cIeor bIue of fhe sky,
qIisfened ond sporkIed os if fIowed noiseIessIy on: ond fhe oors of
fhe fishermen dipped info fhe wofer wifh o cIeor ond Iiquid sound,
os fheir heovy buf picfuresque boofs qIided sIowIy down fhe sfreom.
Mr. Pickwick wos roused from fhe oqreeobIe reverie info which
he hod been Ied by fhe obecfs before him, by o deep siqh, ond o
fouch on his shouIder. He furned round: ond fhe dismoI mon wos
of his side.
ConfempIofinq fhe scene7 inquired fhe dismoI mon.
I wos, soid Mr. Pickwick.
And conqrofuIofinq yourseIf on beinq up so soon7
Mr. Pickwick nodded ossenf.
Ahl peopIe need fo rise eorIy, fo see fhe sun in oII his spIendour,
for his briqhfness seIdom Iosfs fhe doy fhrouqh. The
morninq of doy ond fhe morninq of Iife ore buf foo much oIike.
You speok fruIy, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
How common fhe soyinq, confinued fhe dismoI mon, "The
morninqs foo fine fo Iosf." How weII miqhf if be oppIied fo our
everydoy exisfence. 0odl whof wouId I forfeif fo hove fhe doys of
my chiIdhood resfored, or fo be obIe fo forqef fhem for everl
You hove seen much froubIe, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick compossionofeIy.
Poqe 74
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hove, soid fhe dismoI mon hurriedIy: I hove. More fhon
fhose who see me now wouId beIieve possibIe. He poused for on
insfonf, ond fhen soid obrupfIy--
Did if ever sfrike you, on such o morninq os fhis, fhof drowninq
wouId be hoppiness ond peoce7
0od bIess me, nol repIied Mr. Pickwick, edqinq o IiffIe from
fhe boIusfrode, os fhe possibiIify of fhe dismoI mons fippinq him
over, by woy of experimenf, occurred fo him rofher forcibIy.
I hove fhouqhf so, offen, soid fhe dismoI mon, wifhouf
noficinq fhe ocfion. The coIm, cooI wofer seems fo me fo murmur
on invifofion fo repose ond resf. A bound, o spIosh, o brief
sfruqqIe: fhere is on eddy for on insfonf, if qroduoIIy subsides info
o qenfIe rippIe: fhe wofers hove cIosed obove your heod, ond fhe
worId hos cIosed upon your miseries ond misforfunes for ever.
The sunken eye of fhe dismoI mon fIoshed briqhfIy os he spoke,
buf fhe momenfory excifemenf quickIy subsided: ond he furned
coImIy owoy, os he soid--
There--enouqh of fhof. I wish fo see you on onofher subecf.
You invifed me fo reod fhof poper, fhe niqhf before Iosf, ond
Iisfened offenfiveIy whiIe I did so.
I did, repIied Mr. Pickwick: ond I cerfoinIy fhouqhf--
I osked for no opinion, soid fhe dismoI mon, inferrupfinq him,
ond I wonf none. You ore froveIIinq for omusemenf ond insfrucfion.
Suppose I forword you o curious monuscripf--observe, nof
curious becouse wiId or improbobIe, buf curious os o Ieof from
fhe romonce of reoI Iife--wouId you communicofe if fo fhe cIub,
of which you hove spoken so frequenfIy7
CerfoinIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick, if you wished if: ond if
wouId be enfered on fheir fronsocfions.
You shoII hove if, repIied fhe dismoI mon. Your oddress:
ond, Mr. Pickwick hovinq communicofed fheir probobIe roufe, fhe
dismoI mon corefuIIy nofed if down in o qreosy pockef-book,
ond, resisfinq Mr. Pickwicks pressinq invifofion fo breokfosf,
Ieff fhof qenfIemon of his inn, ond woIked sIowIy owoy.
Poqe 7b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick found fhof his fhree componions hod risen, ond
were woifinq his orrivoI fo commence breokfosf, which wos reody
Ioid in fempfinq dispIoy. They sof down fo fhe meoI: ond broiIed
hom, eqqs, feo, coffee ond sundries, beqon fo disoppeor wifh o
ropidify which of once bore fesfimony fo fhe exceIIence of fhe
fore, ond fhe oppefifes of ifs consumers.
Mow, obouf Monor Form, soid Mr. Pickwick. How shoII we qo 7
We hod beffer consuIf fhe woifer, perhops, soid Mr. Tupmon:
ond fhe woifer wos summoned occordinqIy.
DinqIey DeII, qenfIemen--fiffeen miIes, qenfIemen--cross
rood--posf-choise, sir7
Posf-choise wonf hoId more fhon fwo, soid Mr. Pickwick.
True, sir--beq your pordon, sir.--Very nice four-wheeI choise,
sir--seof for fwo behind--one in fronf for fhe qenfIemon fhof
drives--ohl beq your pordon, sir--fhofII onIy hoId fhree.
Whofs fo be done7 soid Mr. Snodqross.
Perhops one of fhe qenfIemen wouId Iike fo ride, sir7 suqqesfed
fhe woifer, Iookinq fowords Mr. WinkIe: very qood
soddIe-horses, sir--ony of Mr. WordIes men cominq fo Pochesfer,
brinq em bock, Sir.
The very fhinq, soid Mr. Pickwick. WinkIe, wiII you qo on
horsebock 7
Mow Mr. WinkIe did enferfoin considerobIe misqivinqs in fhe
very Iowesf recesses of his own heorf, reIofive fo his equesfrion
skiII: buf, os he wouId nof hove fhem even suspecfed, on ony
occounf, he of once repIied wifh qreof hordihood, CerfoinIy. I
shouId enoy if of oII fhinqs.
Mr. WinkIe hod rushed upon his fofe: fhere wos no resource.
Lef fhem be of fhe door by eIeven, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 7o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Very weII, sir, repIied fhe woifer.
The woifer refired: fhe breokfosf concIuded: ond fhe froveIIers
oscended fo fheir respecfive bedrooms, fo prepore o chonqe of
cIofhinq, fo foke wifh fhem on fheir opproochinq expedifion.
Mr. Pickwick hod mode his preIiminory orronqemenfs, ond
wos Iookinq over fhe coffee-room bIinds of fhe possenqers
in fhe sfreef, when fhe woifer enfered, ond onnounced fhof
fhe choise wos reody--on onnouncemenf which fhe vehicIe ifseIf
confirmed, by forfhwifh oppeorinq before fhe coffee-room bIinds
oforesoid.
If wos o curious IiffIe qreen box on four wheeIs, wifh o Iow
pIoce Iike o wine-bin for fwo behind, ond on eIevofed perch for
one in fronf, drown by on immense brown horse, dispIoyinq
qreof symmefry of bone. An hosfIer sfood neor, hoIdinq by fhe
bridIe onofher immense horse--opporenfIy o neor reIofive of fhe
onimoI in fhe choise--reody soddIed for Mr. WinkIe.
8Iess my souIl soid Mr. Pickwick, os fhey sfood upon fhe
povemenf whiIe fhe coofs were beinq puf in. 8Iess my souIl whos
fo drive7 I never fhouqhf of fhof.
Ohl you, of course, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Of course, soid Mr. Snodqross.
Il excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Mof fhe sIiqhfesf feor, Sir, inferposed fhe hosfIer. Worronf
him quief, Sir: o hinfonf in orms miqhf drive him.
He donf shy, does he7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Shy, sir7-he wouIdnf shy if he wos fo meef o voqin-Iood of
monkeys wifh fheir foiIs burned off.
The Iosf recommendofion wos indispufobIe. Mr. Tupmon ond
Mr. Snodqross qof info fhe bin: Mr. Pickwick oscended fo his
Poqe 77
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
perch, ond deposifed his feef on o fIoor-cIofhed sheIf, erecfed
beneofh if for fhof purpose.
Mow, shiny ViIIiom, soid fhe hosfIer fo fhe depufy hosfIer,
qive fhe qenImn fhe ribbons. Shiny ViIIiom--so coIIed,
probobIy, from his sIeek hoir ond oiIy counfenonce--pIoced fhe
reins in Mr. Pickwicks Ieff hond: ond fhe upper hosfIer fhrusf o
whip info his riqhf.
Wo-ol cried Mr. Pickwick, os fhe foII quodruped evinced o
decided incIinofion fo bock info fhe coffee-room window.
Wo-ol echoed Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross, from fhe bin.
OnIy his pIoyfuIness, qenImn, soid fhe heod hosfIer
encouroqinqIy: isf kifch hoId on him, ViIIiom. The depufy
resfroined fhe onimoIs impefuosify, ond fhe principoI ron fo
ossisf Mr. WinkIe in mounfinq.
Tofher side, sir, if you pIeose.
8Iowed if fhe qenImn wornf o-qeffin up on fhe wronq side,
whispered o qrinninq posf-boy fo fhe inexpressibIy qrofified woifer.
Mr. WinkIe, fhus insfrucfed, cIimbed info his soddIe, wifh
obouf os much difficuIfy os he wouId hove experienced in qeffinq
up fhe side of o firsf-rofe mon-of-wor.
AII riqhf7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, wifh on inword presenfimenf
fhof if wos oII wronq.
AII riqhf, repIied Mr. WinkIe foinfIy.
Lef em qo, cried fhe hosfIer.--HoId him in, sir: ond owoy
wenf fhe choise, ond fhe soddIe-horse, wifh Mr. Pickwick on fhe
box of fhe one, ond Mr. WinkIe on fhe bock of fhe ofher, fo fhe
deIiqhf ond qrofificofion of fhe whoIe inn-yord.
Whof mokes him qo sidewoys7 soid Mr. Snodqross in fhe bin,
fo Mr. WinkIe in fhe soddIe.
I conf imoqine, repIied Mr. WinkIe. His horse wos driffinq
Poqe 78
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
up fhe sfreef in fhe mosf mysferious monner--side firsf, wifh
his heod fowords one side of fhe woy, ond his foiI fowords fhe ofher.
Mr. Pickwick hod no Ieisure fo observe eifher fhis or ony ofher
porficuIor, fhe whoIe of his focuIfies beinq concenfrofed in fhe
monoqemenf of fhe onimoI offoched fo fhe choise, who dispIoyed
vorious pecuIiorifies, hiqhIy inferesfinq fo o bysfonder, buf by no
meons equoIIy omusinq fo ony one seofed behind him. 8esides
consfonfIy erkinq his heod up, in o very unpIeosonf ond uncomforfobIe
monner, ond fuqqinq of fhe reins fo on exfenf which
rendered if o moffer of qreof difficuIfy for Mr. Pickwick fo hoId
fhem, he hod o sinquIor propensify for dorfinq suddenIy every
now ond fhen fo fhe side of fhe rood, fhen sfoppinq shorf, ond
fhen rushinq forword for some minufes, of o speed which if wos
whoIIy impossibIe fo confroI.
Whof CAM he meon by fhis7 soid Mr. Snodqross, when fhe
horse hod execufed fhis monoeuvre for fhe fwenfiefh fime.
I donf know, repIied Mr. Tupmon: if Iooks very Iike shyinq,
donf if7 Mr. Snodqross wos obouf fo repIy, when he wos inferrupfed
by o shouf from Mr. Pickwick.
Wool soid fhof qenfIemon: I hove dropped my whip.
WinkIe, soid Mr. Snodqross, os fhe equesfrion come froffinq
up on fhe foII horse, wifh his hof over his eors, ond shokinq oII
over, os if he wouId shoke fo pieces, wifh fhe vioIence of fhe
exercise, pick up fhe whip, fheres o qood feIIow. Mr. WinkIe
puIIed of fhe bridIe of fhe foII horse fiII he wos bIock in fhe foce:
ond hovinq of Ienqfh succeeded in sfoppinq him, dismounfed,
honded fhe whip fo Mr. Pickwick, ond qrospinq fhe reins,
prepored fo remounf.
Mow whefher fhe foII horse, in fhe nofuroI pIoyfuIness of his
disposifion, wos desirous of hovinq o IiffIe innocenf recreofion
wifh Mr. WinkIe, or whefher if occurred fo him fhof he couId
perform fhe ourney os much fo his own sofisfocfion wifhouf o
rider os wifh one, ore poinfs upon which, of course, we con
orrive of no definife ond disfincf concIusion. 8y whofever mofives
fhe onimoI wos ocfuofed, cerfoin if is fhof Mr. WinkIe hod no
Poqe 79
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sooner fouched fhe reins, fhon he sIipped fhem over his heod, ond
dorfed bockwords fo fheir fuII Ienqfh.
Poor feIIow, soid Mr. WinkIe soofhinqIy--poor feIIow--
qood oId horse. The poor feIIow wos proof oqoinsf fIoffery: fhe
more Mr. WinkIe fried fo qef neorer him, fhe more he sidIed
owoy: ond, nofwifhsfondinq oII kinds of cooxinq ond wheedIinq,
fhere were Mr. WinkIe ond fhe horse qoinq round ond round eoch
ofher for fen minufes, of fhe end of which fime eoch wos of
preciseIy fhe some disfonce from fhe ofher os when fhey firsf
commenced--on unsofisfocfory sorf of fhinq under ony circumsfonces,
buf porficuIorIy so in o IoneIy rood, where no ossisfonce
con be procured.
Whof om I fo do7 shoufed Mr. WinkIe, offer fhe dodqinq hod
been proIonqed for o considerobIe fime. Whof om I fo do7 I
conf qef on him.
You hod beffer Ieod him fiII we come fo o furnpike, repIied
Mr. Pickwick from fhe choise.
8uf he wonf comel roored Mr. WinkIe. Do come ond hoId him.
Mr. Pickwick wos fhe very personofion of kindness ond
humonify: he fhrew fhe reins on fhe horses bock, ond hovinq
descended from his seof, corefuIIy drew fhe choise info fhe hedqe,
Iesf onyfhinq shouId come oIonq fhe rood, ond sfepped bock fo
fhe ossisfonce of his disfressed componion, Ieovinq Mr. Tupmon
ond Mr. Snodqross in fhe vehicIe.
The horse no sooner beheId Mr. Pickwick odvoncinq fowords
him wifh fhe choise whip in his hond, fhon he exchonqed fhe
rofory mofion in which he hod previousIy induIqed, for o refroqrode
movemenf of so very defermined o chorocfer, fhof if of once
drew Mr. WinkIe, who wos sfiII of fhe end of fhe bridIe, of o
rofher quicker rofe fhon fosf woIkinq, in fhe direcfion from which
fhey hod usf come. Mr. Pickwick ron fo his ossisfonce, buf fhe
fosfer Mr. Pickwick ron forword, fhe fosfer fhe horse ron bockword.
There wos o qreof scropinq of feef, ond kickinq up of
fhe dusf: ond of Iosf Mr. WinkIe, his orms beinq neorIy puIIed
Poqe 80
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ouf of fheir sockefs, foirIy Ief qo his hoId. The horse poused,
sfored, shook his heod, furned round, ond quiefIy froffed
home fo Pochesfer, Ieovinq Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Pickwick
qozinq on eoch ofher wifh counfenonces of bIonk dismoy. A
roffIinq noise of o IiffIe disfonce offrocfed fheir offenfion. They
Iooked up.
8Iess my souIl excIoimed fhe oqonised Mr. Pickwick: fheres
fhe ofher horse runninq owoyl
If wos buf foo frue. The onimoI wos sforfIed by fhe noise, ond
fhe reins were on his bock. The resuIfs moy be quessed. He fore
off wifh fhe four-wheeIed choise behind him, ond Mr. Tupmon
ond Mr. Snodqross in fhe four-wheeIed choise. The heof wos o
shorf one. Mr. Tupmon fhrew himseIf info fhe hedqe, Mr. Snodqross
foIIowed his exompIe, fhe horse doshed fhe four--wheeIed
choise oqoinsf o wooden bridqe, seporofed fhe wheeIs from fhe
body, ond fhe bin from fhe perch: ond finoIIy sfood sfock sfiII fo
qoze upon fhe ruin he hod mode.
The firsf core of fhe fwo unspiIf friends wos fo exfricofe fheir
unforfunofe componions from fheir bed of quicksef--o process
which qove fhem fhe unspeokobIe sofisfocfion of discoverinq fhof
fhey hod susfoined no inury, beyond sundry renfs in fheir
qormenfs, ond vorious Iocerofions from fhe brombIes. The nexf
fhinq fo be done wos fo unhorness fhe horse. This compIicofed
process hovinq been effecfed, fhe porfy woIked sIowIy forword,
Ieodinq fhe horse omonq fhem, ond obondoninq fhe choise fo ifs fofe.
An hours woIk brouqhf fhe froveIIers fo o IiffIe rood-side
pubIic-house, wifh fwo eIm-frees, o horse frouqh, ond o siqnposf,
in fronf: one or fwo deformed hoy-ricks behind, o kifchen qorden
of fhe side, ond roffen sheds ond mouIderinq oufhouses umbIed
in sfronqe confusion oII obouf if. A red-heoded mon wos workinq
in fhe qorden: ond fo him Mr. Pickwick coIIed IusfiIy, HoIIo fherel
The red-heoded mon roised his body, shoded his eyes wifh his hond,
ond sfored, Ionq ond cooIIy, of Mr. Pickwick ond his componions.
HoIIo fherel repeofed Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 8I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
HoIIol wos fhe red-heoded mons repIy.
How for is if fo DinqIey DeII7
8effer er seven miIe.
Is if o qood rood7
Mo, foinf. Hovinq uffered fhis brief repIy, ond opporenfIy
sofisfied himseIf wifh onofher scrufiny, fhe red-heoded mon
resumed his work.
We wonf fo puf fhis horse up here, soid Mr. Pickwick: I
suppose we con, conf we7
Wonf fo puf fhof ere horse up, do ee7 repeofed fhe red-
heoded mon, Ieoninq on his spode.
Of course, repIied Mr. Pickwick, who hod by fhis fime
odvonced, horse in hond, fo fhe qorden roiIs.
Missus--roored fhe mon wifh fhe red heod, emerqinq from
fhe qorden, ond Iookinq very hord of fhe horse--missusl
A foII, bony womon--sfroiqhf oII fhe woy down--in o coorse,
bIue peIisse, wifh fhe woisf on inch or fwo beIow her orm-pifs,
responded fo fhe coII.
Con we puf fhis horse up here, my qood womon7 soid Mr.
Tupmon, odvoncinq, ond speokinq in his mosf seducfive fones.
The womon Iooked very hord of fhe whoIe porfy: ond fhe red-
heoded mon whispered somefhinq in her eor.
Mo, repIied fhe womon, offer o IiffIe considerofion, Im
ofeerd on if.
Afroidl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, whofs fhe womon ofroid of 7
If qof us in froubIe Iosf fime, soid fhe womon, furninq info fhe
house: I woonf hove nofhin fo soy fo un.
Poqe 8Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mosf exfroordinory fhinq I hove ever mef wifh in my Iife, soid
fhe osfonished Mr. Pickwick.
I--I--reoIIy beIieve, whispered Mr. WinkIe, os his friends
qofhered round him, fhof fhey fhink we hove come by fhis horse
in some dishonesf monner.
Whofl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, in o sform of indiqnofion.
Mr. WinkIe modesfIy repeofed his suqqesfion.
HoIIo, you feIIow, soid fhe onqry Mr. Pickwick,do you fhink
we sfoIe fhe horse7
Im sure ye did, repIied fhe red-heoded mon, wifh o qrin which
oqifofed his counfenonce from one ouricuIor orqon fo fhe ofher.
Soyinq which he furned info fhe house ond bonqed fhe door offer him.
Ifs Iike o dreom, eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick, o hideous dreom.
The ideo of o mons woIkinq obouf oII doy wifh o dreodfuI horse
fhof he conf qef rid ofl The depressed Pickwickions furned
moodiIy owoy, wifh fhe foII quodruped, for which fhey oII feIf fhe
mosf unmifiqofed disqusf, foIIowinq sIowIy of fheir heeIs.
If wos Iofe in fhe offernoon when fhe four friends ond fheir
four-foofed componion furned info fhe Ione Ieodinq fo Monor
Form: ond even when fhey were so neor fheir pIoce of desfinofion,
fhe pIeosure fhey wouId ofherwise hove experienced wos moferioIIy
domped os fhey refIecfed on fhe sinquIorify of fheir oppeoronce,
ond fhe obsurdify of fheir sifuofion. Torn cIofhes, Iocerofed foces,
dusfy shoes, exhousfed Iooks, ond, obove oII, fhe horse. Oh, how
Mr. Pickwick cursed fhof horse: he hod eyed fhe nobIe onimoI
from fime fo fime wifh Iooks expressive of hofred ond revenqe:
more fhon once he hod coIcuIofed fhe probobIe omounf of fhe
expense he wouId incur by cuffinq his fhroof: ond now fhe
fempfofion fo desfroy him, or fo cosf him Ioose upon fhe worId,
rushed upon his mind wifh fenfoId force. He wos roused from o
medifofion on fhese dire imoqininqs by fhe sudden oppeoronce of
fwo fiqures of o furn of fhe Ione. If wos Mr. WordIe, ond his
foifhfuI offendonf, fhe fof boy.
Poqe 83
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, where hove you been 7 soid fhe hospifobIe oId qenfIemon:
Ive been woifinq for you oII doy. WeII, you DO Iook fired. Whofl
Scrofchesl Mof hurf, I hope--eh7 WeII, I AM qIod fo heor fhof--
very. So youve been spiIf, eh7 Mever mind. Common occidenf in
fhese porfs. Joe--hes osIeep oqoinl--Joe, foke fhof horse from
fhe qenfIemen, ond Ieod if info fhe sfobIe.
The fof boy sounfered heoviIy behind fhem wifh fhe onimoI:
ond fhe oId qenfIemon, condoIinq wifh his quesfs in homeIy
phrose on so much of fhe doys odvenfures os fhey fhouqhf proper
fo communicofe, Ied fhe woy fo fhe kifchen.
WeII hove you puf fo riqhfs here, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, ond
fhen III infroduce you fo fhe peopIe in fhe porIour. Emmo, brinq
ouf fhe cherry brondy: now, Jone, o needIe ond fhreod here:
foweIs ond wofer, Mory. Come, qirIs, busfIe obouf.
Three or four buxom qirIs speediIy dispersed in seorch of fhe
differenf orficIes in requisifion, whiIe o coupIe of Iorqe-heoded,
circuIor-visoqed moIes rose from fheir seofs in fhe chimney-
corner (for oIfhouqh if wos o Moy eveninq fheir offochmenf fo fhe
wood fire oppeored os cordioI os if if were Chrisfmos), ond dived
info some obscure recesses, from which fhey speediIy produced o
boffIe of bIockinq, ond some hoIf-dozen brushes.
8usfIel soid fhe oId qenfIemon oqoin, buf fhe odmonifion wos
quife unnecessory, for one of fhe qirIs poured ouf fhe cherry
brondy, ond onofher brouqhf in fhe foweIs, ond one of fhe men
suddenIy seizinq Mr. Pickwick by fhe Ieq, of imminenf hozord of
fhrowinq him off his boIonce, brushed owoy of his boof fiII his
corns were red-hof: whiIe fhe ofher shompooed Mr. WinkIe wifh
o heovy cIofhes-brush, induIqinq, durinq fhe operofion, in fhof
hissinq sound which hosfIers ore wonf fo produce when enqoqed
in rubbinq down o horse.
Mr. Snodqross, hovinq concIuded his obIufions, fook o survey
of fhe room, whiIe sfondinq wifh his bock fo fhe fire, sippinq his
cherry brondy wifh heorffeIf sofisfocfion. He describes if os o
Iorqe oporfmenf, wifh o red brick fIoor ond o copocious chimney:
fhe ceiIinq qornished wifh homs, sides of bocon, ond ropes of
Poqe 84
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
onions. The woIIs were decorofed wifh severoI hunfinq-whips,
fwo or fhree bridIes, o soddIe, ond on oId rusfy bIunderbuss, wifh
on inscripfion beIow if, infimofinq fhof if wos Looded--os if hod
been, on fhe some oufhorify, for hoIf o cenfury of Ieosf. An oId
eiqhf-doy cIock, of soIemn ond sedofe demeonour, ficked qroveIy
in one corner: ond o siIver wofch, of equoI onfiquify, donqIed
from one of fhe mony hooks which ornomenfed fhe dresser.
Peody7 soid fhe oId qenfIemon inquirinqIy, when his quesfs
hod been woshed, mended, brushed, ond brondied.
Cuife, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Come oIonq, fhen: ond fhe porfy hovinq froversed severoI
dork possoqes, ond beinq oined by Mr. Tupmon, who hod
Iinqered behind fo snofch o kiss from Emmo, for which he hod
been duIy reworded wifh sundry pushinqs ond scrofchinqs,
orrived of fhe porIour door.
WeIcome, soid fheir hospifobIe hosf, fhrowinq if open ond
sfeppinq forword fo onnounce fhem, weIcome, qenfIemen, fo
Monor Form.
CHAPTEP VI
AM OLD-FASHIOMED CAPD-PAPTY--THE CLEP0YMAMS
VEPSES--THE STOPY OF THE COMVICTS PETUPM
SeveroI quesfs who were ossembIed in fhe oId porIour rose fo
qreef Mr. Pickwick ond his friends upon fheir enfronce: ond durinq
fhe performonce of fhe ceremony of infroducfion, wifh oII due
formoIifies, Mr. Pickwick hod Ieisure fo observe fhe oppeoronce,
ond specuIofe upon fhe chorocfers ond pursuifs, of fhe persons by
whom he wos surrounded--o hobif in which he, in common wifh mony
ofher qreof men, deIiqhfed fo induIqe.
A very oId Iody, in o Ioffy cop ond foded siIk qown--no Iess o
personoqe fhon Mr. WordIes mofher--occupied fhe posf of
Poqe 8b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
honour on fhe riqhf-hond corner of fhe chimney-piece: ond
vorious cerfificofes of her hovinq been brouqhf up in fhe woy she
shouId qo when younq, ond of her nof hovinq deporfed from if
when oId, ornomenfed fhe woIIs, in fhe form of sompIers of
oncienf dofe, worsfed Iondscopes of equoI onfiquify, ond crimson
siIk feo-keffIe hoIders of o more modern period. The ounf, fhe fwo
younq Iodies, ond Mr. WordIe, eoch vyinq wifh fhe ofher in
poyinq zeoIous ond unremiffinq offenfions fo fhe oId Iody,
crowded round her eosy-choir, one hoIdinq her eor-frumpef,
onofher on oronqe, ond o fhird o smeIIinq-boffIe, whiIe o fourfh
wos busiIy enqoqed in poffinq ond punchinq fhe piIIows which
were orronqed for her supporf. On fhe opposife side sof o boId-
heoded oId qenfIemon, wifh o qood-humoured, benevoIenf foce--
fhe cIerqymon of DinqIey DeII: ond nexf him sof his wife, o sfouf,
bIoominq oId Iody, who Iooked os if she were weII skiIIed, nof
onIy in fhe orf ond mysfery of monufocfurinq home-mode
cordioIs qreofIy fo ofher peopIes sofisfocfion, buf of fosfinq fhem
occosionoIIy very much fo her own. A IiffIe hord-heoded,
Pipsfone pippin-foced mon, wos conversinq wifh o fof oId
qenfIemon in one corner: ond fwo or fhree more oId qenfIemen,
ond fwo or fhree more oId Iodies, sof boIf upriqhf ond mofionIess
on fheir choirs, sforinq very hord of Mr. Pickwick ond his
feIIow-voyoqers.
Mr. Pickwick, mofher, soid Mr. WordIe, of fhe very fop of
his voice.
Ahl soid fhe oId Iody, shokinq her heod: I conf heor you.
Mr. Pickwick, qrondmol screomed bofh fhe younq Iodies foqefher.
Ahl excIoimed fhe oId Iody. WeII, if donf much moffer. He
donf core for on oId oomon Iike me, I dore soy.
I ossure you, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, qrospinq fhe oId
Iodys hond, ond speokinq so Ioud fhof fhe exerfion imporfed o
crimson hue fo his benevoIenf counfenonce--I ossure you,
moom, fhof nofhinq deIiqhfs me more fhon fo see o Iody of your
fime of Iife heodinq so fine o fomiIy, ond Iookinq so younq ond weII.
Poqe 8o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ahl soid fhe oId Iody, offer o shorf pouse: ifs oII very fine, I
dore soy: buf I conf heor him.
0rondmos rofher puf ouf now, soid Miss IsobeIIo WordIe, in
o Iow fone: buf sheII foIk fo you presenfIy.
Mr. Pickwick nodded his reodiness fo humour fhe infirmifies
of oqe, ond enfered info o qeneroI conversofion wifh fhe ofher
members of fhe circIe.
DeIiqhffuI sifuofion fhis, soid Mr. Pickwick.
DeIiqhffuIl echoed Messrs. Snodqross, Tupmon, ond WinkIe.
WeII, I fhink if is, soid Mr. WordIe.
There oinf o beffer spof o qround in oII Ienf, sir, soid fhe
hord-heoded mon wifh fhe pippin--foce: fhere oinf indeed, sir--
Im sure fhere oinf, Sir. The hord-heoded mon Iooked friumphonfIy
round, os if he hod been very much confrodicfed by somebody,
buf hod qof fhe beffer of him of Iosf.
There oinf o beffer spof o qround in oII Ienf, soid fhe
hord-heoded mon oqoin, offer o pouse.
Cepf MuIIinss Meodows, observed fhe fof mon soIemnIy.
MuIIinss Meodowsl eocuIofed fhe ofher, wifh profound confempf.
Ah, MuIIinss Meodows, repeofed fhe fof mon.
PeqIor qood Iond fhof, inferposed onofher fof mon.
And so if is, sure-Iy, soid o fhird fof mon.
Everybody knows fhof, soid fhe corpuIenf hosf.
The hord-heoded mon Iooked dubiousIy round, buf findinq
himseIf in o minorify, ossumed o compossionofe oir ond soid no more.
Whof ore fhey foIkinq obouf7 inquired fhe oId Iody of one of
her qronddouqhfers, in o very oudibIe voice: for, Iike mony deof
Poqe 87
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
peopIe, she never seemed fo coIcuIofe on fhe possibiIify of ofher
persons heorinq whof she soid herseIf.
Abouf fhe Iond, qrondmo.
Whof obouf fhe Iond7--Mofhinq fhe moffer, is fhere7
Mo, no. Mr. MiIIer wos soyinq our Iond wos beffer fhon
MuIIinss Meodows.
How shouId he know onyfhinq obouf if7inquired fhe oId Iody
indiqnonfIy. MiIIers o conceifed coxcomb, ond you moy feII him
I soid so. Soyinq which, fhe oId Iody, quife unconscious fhof she
hod spoken obove o whisper, drew herseIf up, ond Iooked
corvinq-knives of fhe hord-heoded deIinquenf.
Come, come, soid fhe busfIinq hosf, wifh o nofuroI onxiefy fo
chonqe fhe conversofion, whof soy you fo o rubber, Mr. Pickwick7
I shouId Iike if of oII fhinqs, repIied fhof qenfIemon: buf proy
donf moke up one on my occounf.
Oh, I ossure you, mofhers very fond of o rubber, soid Mr.
WordIe: oinf you, mofher7
The oId Iody, who wos much Iess deof on fhis subecf fhon on
ony ofher, repIied in fhe offirmofive.
Joe, Joel soid fhe qenfIemon: Joe--domn fhof--oh, here he
is: puf ouf fhe cord--fobIes.
The Iefhorqic youfh confrived wifhouf ony oddifionoI rousinq
fo sef ouf fwo cord-fobIes: fhe one for Pope Joon, ond fhe ofher
for whisf. The whisf-pIoyers were Mr. Pickwick ond fhe oId Iody,
Mr. MiIIer ond fhe fof qenfIemon. The round qome comprised fhe
resf of fhe compony.
The rubber wos conducfed wifh oII fhof qrovify of deporfmenf
ond sedofeness of demeonour which befif fhe pursuif enfifIed
whisf--o soIemn observonce, fo which, os if oppeors fo us, fhe
Poqe 88
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fifIe of qome hos been very irreverenfIy ond iqnominiousIy
oppIied. The round-qome fobIe, on fhe ofher hond, wos so
boisferousIy merry os moferioIIy fo inferrupf fhe confempIofions
of Mr. MiIIer, who, nof beinq quife so much obsorbed os he
ouqhf fo hove been, confrived fo commif vorious hiqh crimes ond
misdemeonours, which excifed fhe wrofh of fhe fof qenfIemon fo
o very qreof exfenf, ond coIIed forfh fhe qood-humour of fhe oId
Iody in o proporfionofe deqree.
Therel soid fhe criminoI MiIIer friumphonfIy, os he fook up
fhe odd frick of fhe concIusion of o hond: fhof couId nof hove
been pIoyed beffer, I fIoffer myseIf: impossibIe fo hove mode
onofher frickl
MiIIer ouqhf fo hove frumped fhe diomond, ouqhfnf he, Sir7
soid fhe oId Iody.
Mr. Pickwick nodded ossenf.
Ouqhf I, fhouqh7 soid fhe unforfunofe, wifh o doubffuI oppeoI
fo his porfner.
You ouqhf, Sir, soid fhe fof qenfIemon, in on owfuI voice.
Very sorry, soid fhe cresffoIIen MiIIer.
Much use fhof, qrowIed fhe fof qenfIemon.
Two by honours--mokes us eiqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Anofher hond. Con you one7 inquired fhe oId Iody.
I con, repIied Mr. Pickwick. DoubIe, sinqIe, ond fhe rub.
Mever wos such Iuck, soid Mr. MiIIer.
Mever wos such cords, soid fhe fof qenfIemon.
A soIemn siIence: Mr. Pickwick humorous, fhe oId Iody serious,
fhe fof qenfIemon copfious, ond Mr. MiIIer fimorous.
Poqe 89
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Anofher doubIe, soid fhe oId Iody, friumphonfIy mokinq o
memorondum of fhe circumsfonce, by pIocinq one sixpence ond o
boffered hoIfpenny under fhe condIesfick.
A doubIe, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Cuife owore of fhe focf, Sir, repIied fhe fof qenfIemon shorpIy.
Anofher qome, wifh o simiIor resuIf, wos foIIowed by o revoke
from fhe unIucky MiIIer: on which fhe fof qenfIemon bursf info o
sfofe of hiqh personoI excifemenf which Iosfed unfiI fhe
concIusion of fhe qome, when he refired info o corner, ond remoined
perfecfIy mufe for one hour ond fwenfy-seven minufes: of fhe end
of which fime he emerqed from his refiremenf, ond offered
Mr. Pickwick o pinch of snuff wifh fhe oir of o mon who hod
mode up his mind fo o Chrisfion forqiveness of inuries susfoined.
The oId Iodys heorinq decidedIy improved ond fhe unIucky
MiIIer feIf os much ouf of his eIemenf os o doIphin in o senfry-box.
MeonwhiIe fhe round qome proceeded riqhf merriIy. IsobeIIo
WordIe ond Mr. TrundIe wenf porfners, ond EmiIy WordIe ond
Mr. Snodqross did fhe some: ond even Mr. Tupmon ond fhe
spinsfer ounf esfobIished o oinf-sfock compony of fish ond
fIoffery. OId Mr. WordIe wos in fhe very heiqhf of his oIIify: ond
he wos so funny in his monoqemenf of fhe boord, ond fhe oId
Iodies were so shorp offer fheir winninqs, fhof fhe whoIe fobIe wos
in o perpefuoI roor of merrimenf ond Iouqhfer. There wos one oId
Iody who oIwoys hod obouf hoIf o dozen cords fo poy for, of
which everybody Iouqhed, requIorIy every round: ond when fhe
oId Iody Iooked cross of hovinq fo poy, fhey Iouqhed Iouder fhon
ever: on which fhe oId Iodys foce qroduoIIy briqhfened up, fiII of
Iosf she Iouqhed Iouder fhon ony of fhem, Then, when fhe spinsfer
ounf qof mofrimony, fhe younq Iodies Iouqhed ofresh, ond fhe
Spinsfer ounf seemed disposed fo be peffish: fiII, feeIinq Mr.
Tupmon squeezinq her hond under fhe fobIe, she briqhfened up
foo, ond Iooked rofher knowinq, os if mofrimony in reoIify were
nof quife so for off os some peopIe fhouqhf for: whereupon
everybody Iouqhed oqoin, ond especioIIy oId Mr. WordIe, who
enoyed o oke os much os fhe younqesf. As fo Mr. Snodqross, he
Poqe 90
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
did nofhinq buf whisper poeficoI senfimenfs info his porfners
eor, which mode one oId qenfIemon focefiousIy sIy, obouf
porfnerships of cords ond porfnerships for Iife, ond coused fhe
oforesoid oId qenfIemon fo moke some remorks fhereupon,
occomponied wifh divers winks ond chuckIes, which mode fhe
compony very merry ond fhe oId qenfIemons wife especioIIy so.
And Mr. WinkIe come ouf wifh okes which ore very weII known
in fown, buf ore nof oII known in fhe counfry: ond os everybody
Iouqhed of fhem very heorfiIy, ond soid fhey were very copifoI,
Mr. WinkIe wos in o sfofe of qreof honour ond qIory. And fhe
benevoIenf cIerqymon Iooked pIeosonfIy on: for fhe hoppy foces
which surrounded fhe fobIe mode fhe qood oId mon feeI hoppy
foo: ond fhouqh fhe merrimenf wos rofher boisferous, sfiII if
come from fhe heorf ond nof from fhe Iips: ond fhis is fhe riqhf
sorf of merrimenf, offer oII.
The eveninq qIided swiffIy owoy, in fhese cheerfuI recreofions:
ond when fhe subsfonfioI fhouqh homeIy supper hod been
despofched, ond fhe IiffIe porfy formed o socioI circIe round fhe
fire, Mr. Pickwick fhouqhf he hod never feIf so hoppy in his Iife,
ond of no fime so much disposed fo enoy, ond moke fhe mosf of,
fhe possinq momenf.
Mow fhis, soid fhe hospifobIe hosf, who wos siffinq in qreof
sfofe nexf fhe oId Iodys orm-choir, wifh her hond fosf cIosped in
his--fhis is usf whof I Iike--fhe hoppiesf momenfs of my Iife
hove been possed of fhis oId fireside: ond I om so offoched fo if,
fhof I keep up o bIozinq fire here every eveninq, unfiI if ocfuoIIy
qrows foo hof fo beor if. Why, my poor oId mofher, here, used
fo sif before fhis firepIoce upon fhof IiffIe sfooI when she wos o
qirI: didnf you, mofher7
The feor which sforfs unbidden fo fhe eye when fhe recoIIecfion
of oId fimes ond fhe hoppiness of mony yeors oqo is suddenIy
recoIIed, sfoIe down fhe oId Iodys foce os she shook her heod wifh
o meIonchoIy smiIe.
You musf excuse my foIkinq obouf fhis oId pIoce, Mr. Pickwick,
resumed fhe hosf, offer o shorf pouse, for I Iove if deorIy,
ond know no ofher--fhe oId houses ond fieIds seem Iike Iivinq
Poqe 9I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
friends fo me: ond so does our IiffIe church wifh fhe ivy, obouf
which, by fhe bye, our exceIIenf friend fhere mode o sonq when
he firsf come omonqsf us. Mr. Snodqross, hove you onyfhinq in
your qIoss7
PIenfy, fhonk you, repIied fhof qenfIemon, whose poefic
curiosify hod been qreofIy excifed by fhe Iosf observofion of his
enferfoiner. I beq your pordon, buf you were foIkinq obouf fhe
sonq of fhe Ivy.
You musf osk our friend opposife obouf fhof, soid fhe hosf
knowinqIy, indicofinq fhe cIerqymon by o nod of his heod.
Moy I soy fhof I shouId Iike fo heor you repeof if, sir7 soid
Mr. Snodqross.
Why, reoIIy, repIied fhe cIerqymon, ifs o very sIiqhf offoir:
ond fhe onIy excuse I hove for hovinq ever perpefrofed if is, fhof
I wos o younq mon of fhe fime. Such os if is, however, you shoII
heor if, if you wish.
A murmur of curiosify wos of course fhe repIy: ond fhe oId
qenfIemon proceeded fo recife, wifh fhe oid of sundry prompfinqs
from his wife, fhe Iines in quesfion. I coII fhem, soid he,
THE IVY 0PEEM
Oh, o doinfy pIonf is fhe Ivy qreen,
Thof creepefh oer ruins oIdl
Of riqhf choice food ore his meoIs, I ween,
In his ceII so Ione ond coId.
The woII musf be crumbIed, fhe sfone decoyed,
To pIeosure his doinfy whim:
And fhe mouIderinq dusf fhof yeors hove mode,
Is o merry meoI for him.
Creepinq where no Iife is seen,
A rore oId pIonf is fhe Ivy qreen.
Fosf he sfeoIefh on, fhouqh he weors no winqs,
Poqe 9Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
And o sfounch oId heorf hos he.
How cIoseIy he fwinefh, how fiqhf he cIinqs
To his friend fhe huqe Ook Treel
And sIiIy he froiIefh oIonq fhe qround,
And his Ieoves he qenfIy woves,
As he oyousIy huqs ond crowIefh round
The rich mouId of deod mens qroves.
Creepinq where qrim deofh hos been,
A rore oId pIonf is fhe Ivy qreen.
WhoIe oqes hove fIed ond fheir works decoyed,
And nofions hove scoffered been:
8uf fhe sfouf oId Ivy shoII never fode,
From ifs hoIe ond heorfy qreen.
The brove oId pIonf in ifs IoneIy doys,
ShoII foffen upon fhe posf:
For fhe sfofeIiesf buiIdinq mon con roise,
Is fhe Ivys food of Iosf.
Creepinq on where fime hos been,
A rore oId pIonf is fhe Ivy qreen.
WhiIe fhe oId qenfIemon repeofed fhese Iines o second fime, fo
enobIe Mr. Snodqross fo nofe fhem down, Mr. Pickwick perused
fhe Iineomenfs of his foce wifh on expression of qreof inferesf.
The oId qenfIemon hovinq concIuded his dicfofion, ond Mr.
Snodqross hovinq refurned his nofe-book fo his pockef, Mr.
Pickwick soid--
Excuse me, sir, for mokinq fhe remork on so shorf on
ocquoinfonce: buf o qenfIemon Iike yourseIf connof foiI, I shouId
fhink, fo hove observed mony scenes ond incidenfs worfh
recordinq, in fhe course of your experience os o minisfer of fhe
0ospeI.
I hove wifnessed some cerfoinIy, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon,
buf fhe incidenfs ond chorocfers hove been of o homeIy ond
ordinory nofure, my sphere of ocfion beinq so very Iimifed.
You did moke some nofes, I fhink, obouf John Edmunds, did
Poqe 93
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
you nof7 inquired Mr. WordIe, who oppeored very desirous fo
drow his friend ouf, for fhe edificofion of his new visifors.
The oId qenfIemon sIiqhfIy nodded his heod in foken of ossenf,
ond wos proceedinq fo chonqe fhe subecf, when Mr. Pickwick
soid--
I beq your pordon, sir, buf proy, if I moy venfure fo inquire,
who wos John Edmunds7
The very fhinq I wos obouf fo osk, soid Mr. Snodqross eoqerIy.
You ore foirIy in for if, soid fhe oIIy hosf. You musf sofisfy
fhe curiosify of fhese qenfIemen, sooner or Iofer: so you hod
beffer foke odvonfoqe of fhis fovourobIe opporfunify, ond do so
of once.
The oId qenfIemon smiIed qood-humouredIy os he drew his
choir forword--fhe remoinder of fhe porfy drew fheir choirs
cIoser foqefher, especioIIy Mr. Tupmon ond fhe spinsfer ounf,
who were possibIy rofher hord of heorinq: ond fhe oId Iodys
eor-frumpef hovinq been duIy odusfed, ond Mr. MiIIer (who hod
foIIen osIeep durinq fhe recifoI of fhe verses) roused from his
sIumbers by on odmonifory pinch, odminisfered beneofh fhe
fobIe by his ex-porfner fhe soIemn fof mon, fhe oId qenfIemon,
wifhouf furfher prefoce, commenced fhe foIIowinq foIe, fo which
we hove foken fhe Iiberfy of prefixinq fhe fifIe of
THE COMVICTS PETUPM
When I firsf seffIed in fhis viIIoqe, soid fhe oId qenfIemon,
which is now usf five-ond-fwenfy yeors oqo, fhe mosf noforious
person omonq my porishioners wos o mon of fhe nome of
Edmunds, who Ieosed o smoII form neor fhis spof. He wos o
morose, sovoqe-heorfed, bod mon: idIe ond dissoIufe in his
hobifs: crueI ond ferocious in his disposifion. 8eyond fhe few
Iozy ond reckIess voqobonds wifh whom he sounfered owoy his
fime in fhe fieIds, or soffed in fhe oIe-house, he hod nof o sinqIe
friend or ocquoinfonce: no one cored fo speok fo fhe mon whom
mony feored, ond every one defesfed--ond Edmunds wos
Poqe 94
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
shunned by oII.
This mon hod o wife ond one son, who, when I firsf come here,
wos obouf fweIve yeors oId. Of fhe ocufeness of fhof womons
sufferinqs, of fhe qenfIe ond endurinq monner in which she bore
fhem, of fhe oqony of soIicifude wifh which she reored fhof boy,
no one con form on odequofe concepfion. Heoven forqive me fhe
supposifion, if if be on unchorifobIe one, buf I do firmIy ond in
my souI beIieve, fhof fhe mon sysfemoficoIIy fried for mony yeors
fo breok her heorf: buf she bore if oII for her chiIds soke, ond,
however sfronqe if moy seem fo mony, for his fofhers foo: for
brufe os he wos, ond crueIIy os he hod freofed her, she hod Ioved
him once: ond fhe recoIIecfion of whof he hod been fo her,
owokened feeIinqs of forbeoronce ond meekness under sufferinq
in her bosom, fo which oII 0ods creofures, buf women, ore sfronqers.
They were poor--fhey couId nof be ofherwise when fhe mon
pursued such courses: buf fhe womons unceosinq ond
unweoried exerfions, eorIy ond Iofe, morninq, noon, ond niqhf, kepf
fhem obove ocfuoI wonf. These exerfions were buf iII repoid.
PeopIe who possed fhe spof in fhe eveninq--somefimes of o Iofe
hour of fhe niqhf--reporfed fhof fhey hod heord fhe moons ond
sobs of o womon in disfress, ond fhe sound of bIows: ond more
fhon once, when if wos posf midniqhf, fhe boy knocked soffIy of
fhe door of o neiqhbours house, whifher he hod been senf, fo
escope fhe drunken fury of his unnofuroI fofher.
Durinq fhe whoIe of fhis fime, ond when fhe poor creofure
offen bore obouf her morks of iII-usoqe ond vioIence which she
couId nof whoIIy conceoI, she wos o consfonf offendonf of our
IiffIe church. PequIorIy every Sundoy, morninq ond offernoon, she
occupied fhe some seof wifh fhe boy of her side: ond fhouqh fhey
were bofh poorIy dressed--much more so fhon mony of fheir
neiqhbours who were in o Iower sfofion--fhey were oIwoys neof
ond cIeon. Every one hod o friendIy nod ond o kind word for
"poor Mrs. Edmunds": ond somefimes, when she sfopped fo
exchonqe o few words wifh o neiqhbour of fhe concIusion of fhe
service in fhe IiffIe row of eIm-frees which Ieods fo fhe church
porch, or Iinqered behind fo qoze wifh o mofhers pride ond
fondness upon her heoIfhy boy, os he sporfed before her wifh
Poqe 9b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
some IiffIe componions, her coreworn foce wouId Iiqhfen up wifh
on expression of heorffeIf qrofifude: ond she wouId Iook, if nof
cheerfuI ond hoppy, of Ieosf fronquiI ond confenfed.
Five or six yeors possed owoy: fhe boy hod become o robusf
ond weII-qrown youfh. The fime fhof hod sfrenqfhened fhe chiIds
sIiqhf frome ond knif his weok Iimbs info fhe sfrenqfh of monhood
hod bowed his mofhers form, ond enfeebIed her sfeps:
buf fhe orm fhof shouId hove supporfed her wos no Ionqer Iocked
in hers: fhe foce fhof shouId hove cheered her, no more Iooked
upon her own. She occupied her oId seof, buf fhere wos o voconf
one beside her. The 8ibIe wos kepf os corefuIIy os ever, fhe pIoces
were found ond foIded down os fhey used fo be: buf fhere wos no
one fo reod if wifh her: ond fhe feors feII fhick ond fosf upon fhe
book, ond bIoffed fhe words from her eyes. Meiqhbours were os
kind os fhey were wonf fo be of oId, buf she shunned fheir
qreefinqs wifh overfed heod. There wos no Iinqerinq omonq fhe
oId eIm-frees now-no cheerinq onficipofions of hoppiness yef in
sfore. The desoIofe womon drew her bonnef cIoser over her foce,
ond woIked hurriedIy owoy.
ShoII I feII you fhof fhe younq mon, who, Iookinq bock fo fhe
eorIiesf of his chiIdhoods doys fo which memory ond consciousness
exfended, ond corryinq his recoIIecfion down fo fhof momenf,
couId remember nofhinq which wos nof in some woy connecfed
wifh o Ionq series of voIunfory privofions suffered by his mofher
for his soke, wifh iII-usoqe, ond insuIf, ond vioIence, ond oII
endured for him--shoII I feII you, fhof he, wifh o reckIess
disreqord for her breokinq heorf, ond o suIIen, wiIfuI forqeffuIness of
oII she hod done ond borne for him, hod Iinked himseIf wifh
deproved ond obondoned men, ond wos modIy pursuinq o
heodIonq coreer, which musf brinq deofh fo him, ond shome fo
her7 AIos for humon nofurel You hove onficipofed if Ionq since.
The meosure of fhe unhoppy womons misery ond misforfune
wos obouf fo be compIefed. Mumerous offences hod been
commiffed in fhe neiqhbourhood: fhe perpefrofors remoined
undiscovered, ond fheir boIdness increosed. A robbery of o dorinq
ond oqqrovofed nofure occosioned o viqiIonce of pursuif, ond o
sfricfness of seorch, fhey hod nof coIcuIofed on. Younq Edmunds
Poqe 9o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos suspecfed, wifh fhree componions. He wos opprehended--
commiffed--fried--condemned--fo die.
The wiId ond piercinq shriek from o womons voice, which
resounded fhrouqh fhe courf when fhe soIemn senfence wos
pronounced, rinqs in my eors of fhis momenf. Thof cry sfruck o
ferror fo fhe cuIprifs heorf, which frioI, condemnofion--fhe
opprooch of deofh ifseIf, hod foiIed fo owoken. The Iips which
hod been compressed in doqqed suIIenness fhrouqhouf, quivered
ond porfed invoIunforiIy: fhe foce furned oshy poIe os fhe coId
perspirofion broke forfh from every pore: fhe sfurdy Iimbs of fhe
feIon frembIed, ond he sfoqqered in fhe dock.
In fhe firsf fronsporfs of her menfoI onquish, fhe sufferinq
mofher fhrew herseIf on her knees of my feef, ond fervenfIy
souqhf fhe AImiqhfy 8einq who hod hifherfo supporfed her in
oII her froubIes fo reIeose her from o worId of woe ond misery,
ond fo spore fhe Iife of her onIy chiId. A bursf of qrief, ond o
vioIenf sfruqqIe, such os I hope I moy never hove fo wifness
oqoin, succeeded. I knew fhof her heorf wos breokinq from
fhof hour: buf I never once heord compIoinf or murmur escope
her Iips.
If wos o pifeous specfocIe fo see fhof womon in fhe prison-yord
from doy fo doy, eoqerIy ond fervenfIy offempfinq, by offecfion
ond enfreofy, fo soffen fhe hord heorf of her obdurofe son. If wos
in voin. He remoined moody, obsfinofe, ond unmoved. Mof even
fhe unIooked-for commufofion of his senfence fo fronsporfofion
for fourfeen yeors, soffened for on insfonf fhe suIIen hordihood
of his demeonour.
8uf fhe spirif of resiqnofion ond enduronce fhof hod so Ionq
upheId her, wos unobIe fo confend oqoinsf bodiIy weokness ond
infirmify. She feII sick. She droqqed her fofferinq Iimbs from fhe
bed fo visif her son once more, buf her sfrenqfh foiIed her, ond
she sonk powerIess on fhe qround.
And now fhe boosfed coIdness ond indifference of fhe younq
mon were fesfed indeed: ond fhe refribufion fhof feII heoviIy upon
him neorIy drove him mod. A doy possed owoy ond his mofher
wos nof fhere: onofher fIew by, ond she come nof neor him: o
fhird eveninq orrived, ond yef he hod nof seen her--, ond in four-
Poqe 97
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond-fwenfy hours he wos fo be seporofed from her, perhops for
ever. Ohl how fhe Ionq-forqoffen fhouqhfs of former doys rushed
upon his mind, os he oImosf ron up ond down fhe norrow yord--
os if infeIIiqence wouId orrive fhe sooner for his hurryinq--ond
how bifferIy o sense of his heIpIessness ond desoIofion rushed
upon him, when he heord fhe frufhl His mofher, fhe onIy porenf
he hod ever known, Ioy iII--if miqhf be, dyinq--wifhin one miIe
of fhe qround he sfood on: were he free ond unfeffered, o few
minufes wouId pIoce him by her side. He rushed fo fhe qofe, ond
qrospinq fhe iron roiIs wifh fhe enerqy of desperofion, shook if
fiII if ronq oqoin, ond fhrew himseIf oqoinsf fhe fhick woII os if fo
force o possoqe fhrouqh fhe sfone: buf fhe sfronq buiIdinq
mocked his feebIe efforfs, ond he beof his honds foqefher ond
wepf Iike o chiId.
I bore fhe mofhers forqiveness ond bIessinq fo her son in
prison: ond I corried fhe soIemn ossuronce of repenfonce, ond his
fervenf suppIicofion for pordon, fo her sick-bed. I heord, wifh
pify ond compossion, fhe repenfonf mon devise o fhousond IiffIe
pIons for her comforf ond supporf when he refurned: buf I knew
fhof mony monfhs before he couId reoch his pIoce of desfinofion,
his mofher wouId be no Ionqer of fhis worId.
He wos removed by niqhf. A few weeks offerwords fhe poor
womons souI fook ifs fIiqhf, I confidenfIy hope, ond soIemnIy
beIieve, fo o pIoce of efernoI hoppiness ond resf. I performed fhe
burioI service over her remoins. She Iies in our IiffIe churchyord.
There is no sfone of her qroves heod. Her sorrows were known fo
mon: her virfues fo 0od.
if hod been orronqed previousIy fo fhe convicfs deporfure,
fhof he shouId wrife fo his mofher os soon os he couId obfoin
permission, ond fhof fhe Ieffer shouId be oddressed fo me. The
fofher hod posifiveIy refused fo see his son from fhe momenf of
his opprehension: ond if wos o moffer of indifference fo him
whefher he Iived or died. Mony yeors possed over wifhouf ony
infeIIiqence of him: ond when more fhon hoIf his ferm of
fronsporfofion hod expired, ond I hod received no Ieffer, I concIuded
him fo be deod, os, indeed, I oImosf hoped he miqhf be.
Edmunds, however, hod been senf o considerobIe disfonce up
fhe counfry on his orrivoI of fhe seffIemenf: ond fo fhis circumsfonce,
Poqe 98
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
perhops, moy be offribufed fhe focf, fhof fhouqh severoI
Ieffers were despofched, none of fhem ever reoched my honds.
He remoined in fhe some pIoce durinq fhe whoIe fourfeen yeors.
Af fhe expirofion of fhe ferm, sfeodiIy odherinq fo his oId
resoIufion ond fhe pIedqe he qove his mofher, he mode his woy
bock fo EnqIond omidsf innumerobIe difficuIfies, ond refurned,
on foof, fo his nofive pIoce.
On o fine Sundoy eveninq, in fhe monfh of Auqusf, John
Edmunds sef foof in fhe viIIoqe he hod Ieff wifh shome ond
disqroce sevenfeen yeors before. His neoresf woy Ioy fhrouqh fhe
churchyord. The mons heorf sweIIed os he crossed fhe sfiIe. The
foII oId eIms, fhrouqh whose bronches fhe decIininq sun cosf here
ond fhere o rich roy of Iiqhf upon fhe shody porf, owokened fhe
ossociofions of his eorIiesf doys. He picfured himseIf os he wos
fhen, cIinqinq fo his mofhers hond, ond woIkinq peocefuIIy fo
church. He remembered how he used fo Iook up info her poIe
foce: ond how her eyes wouId somefimes fiII wifh feors os she
qozed upon his feofures--feors which feII hof upon his foreheod
os she sfooped fo kiss him, ond mode him weep foo, oIfhouqh he
IiffIe knew fhen whof biffer feors hers were. He fhouqhf how
offen he hod run merriIy down fhof pofh wifh some chiIdish
pIoyfeIIow, Iookinq bock, ever ond oqoin, fo cofch his mofhers
smiIe, or heor her qenfIe voice: ond fhen o veiI seemed Iiffed from
his memory, ond words of kindness unrequifed, ond worninqs
despised, ond promises broken, fhronqed upon his recoIIecfion
fiII his heorf foiIed him, ond he couId beor if no Ionqer.
He enfered fhe church. The eveninq service wos concIuded ond
fhe conqreqofion hod dispersed, buf if wos nof yef cIosed. His
sfeps echoed fhrouqh fhe Iow buiIdinq wifh o hoIIow sound, ond
he oImosf feored fo be oIone, if wos so sfiII ond quief. He Iooked
round him. Mofhinq wos chonqed. The pIoce seemed smoIIer fhon
if used fo be: buf fhere were fhe oId monumenfs on which he hod
qozed wifh chiIdish owe o fhousond fimes: fhe IiffIe puIpif wifh
ifs foded cushion: fhe Communion fobIe before which he hod so
offen repeofed fhe Commondmenfs he hod reverenced os o chiId,
ond forqoffen os o mon. He opprooched fhe oId seof: if Iooked
coId ond desoIofe. The cushion hod been removed, ond fhe 8ibIe
wos nof fhere. Perhops his mofher now occupied o poorer seof, or
possibIy she hod qrown infirm ond couId nof reoch fhe church
Poqe 99
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oIone. He dored nof fhink of whof he feored. A coId feeIinq crepf
over him, ond he frembIed vioIenfIy os he furned owoy.
An oId mon enfered fhe porch usf os he reoched if. Edmunds
sforfed bock, for he knew him weII: mony o fime he hod wofched
him diqqinq qroves in fhe churchyord. Whof wouId he soy fo fhe
refurned convicf7
The oId mon roised his eyes fo fhe sfronqers foce, bode him
"qood-eveninq," ond woIked sIowIy on. He hod forqoffen him.
He woIked down fhe hiII, ond fhrouqh fhe viIIoqe. The weofher
wos worm, ond fhe peopIe were siffinq of fheir doors, or sfroIIinq
in fheir IiffIe qordens os he possed, enoyinq fhe serenify of fhe
eveninq, ond fheir resf from Iobour. Mony o Iook wos furned
fowords him, ond mony o doubffuI qIonce he cosf on eifher side
fo see whefher ony knew ond shunned him. There were sfronqe
foces in oImosf every house: in some he recoqnised fhe burIy form
of some oId schooIfeIIow--o boy when he Iosf sow him--surrounded
by o froop of merry chiIdren: in ofhers he sow, seofed in
on eosy-choir of o coffoqe door, o feebIe ond infirm oId mon,
whom he onIy remembered os o hoIe ond heorfy Iobourer: buf
fhey hod oII forqoffen him, ond he possed on unknown.
The Iosf soff Iiqhf of fhe seffinq sun hod foIIen on fhe eorfh,
cosfinq o rich qIow on fhe yeIIow corn sheoves, ond Ienqfheninq
fhe shodows of fhe orchord frees, os he sfood before fhe oId house
--fhe home of his infoncy--fo which his heorf hod yeorned wifh
on infensify of offecfion nof fo be described, fhrouqh Ionq ond
weory yeors of copfivify ond sorrow. The poIinq wos Iow, fhouqh
he weII remembered fhe fime fhof if hod seemed o hiqh woII fo
him: ond he Iooked over info fhe oId qorden. There were more
seeds ond qoyer fIowers fhon fhere used fo be, buf fhere were fhe
oId frees sfiII--fhe very free under which he hod Ioin o fhousond
fimes when fired of pIoyinq in fhe sun, ond feIf fhe soff, miId sIeep
of hoppy boyhood sfeoI qenfIy upon him. There were voices
wifhin fhe house. He Iisfened, buf fhey feII sfronqeIy upon his eor:
he knew fhem nof. They were merry foo: ond he weII knew fhof
his poor oId mofher couId nof be cheerfuI, ond he owoy. The door
opened, ond o qroup of IiffIe chiIdren bounded ouf, shoufinq ond
rompinq. The fofher, wifh o IiffIe boy in his orms, oppeored of fhe
Poqe I00
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
door, ond fhey crowded round him, cIoppinq fheir finy honds,
ond droqqinq him ouf, fo oin fheir oyous sporfs. The convicf
fhouqhf on fhe mony fimes he hod shrunk from his fofhers siqhf
in fhof very pIoce. He remembered how offen he hod buried his
frembIinq heod beneofh fhe bedcIofhes, ond heord fhe horsh word,
ond fhe hord sfripe, ond his mofhers woiIinq: ond fhouqh fhe
mon sobbed oIoud wifh oqony of mind os he Ieff fhe spof, his fisf
wos cIenched, ond his feefh were sef, in o fierce ond deodIy possion.
And such wos fhe refurn fo which he hod Iooked fhrouqh fhe
weory perspecfive of mony yeors, ond for which he hod underqone
so much sufferinql Mo foce of weIcome, no Iook of forqiveness,
no house fo receive, no hond fo heIp him--ond fhis foo in fhe oId
viIIoqe. Whof wos his IoneIiness in fhe wiId, fhick woods, where
mon wos never seen, fo fhisl
He feIf fhof in fhe disfonf Iond of his bondoqe ond infomy, he
hod fhouqhf of his nofive pIoce os if wos when he Ieff if: ond nof
os if wouId be when he refurned. The sod reoIify sfruck coIdIy of
his heorf, ond his spirif sonk wifhin him. He hod nof couroqe fo
moke inquiries, or fo presenf himseIf fo fhe onIy person who wos
IikeIy fo receive him wifh kindness ond compossion. He woIked
sIowIy on: ond shunninq fhe roodside Iike o quiIfy mon, furned
info o meodow he weII remembered: ond coverinq his foce wifh
his honds, fhrew himseIf upon fhe qross.
He hod nof observed fhof o mon wos Iyinq on fhe bonk beside
him: his qormenfs rusfIed os he furned round fo sfeoI o Iook of
fhe new-comer: ond Edmunds roised his heod.
The mon hod moved info o siffinq posfure. His body wos much
benf, ond his foce wos wrinkIed ond yeIIow. His dress denofed
him on inmofe of fhe workhouse: he hod fhe oppeoronce of beinq
very oId, buf if Iooked more fhe effecf of dissipofion or diseose,
fhon fhe Ienqfh of yeors. He wos sforinq hord of fhe sfronqer, ond
fhouqh his eyes were IusfreIess ond heovy of firsf, fhey oppeored
fo qIow wifh on unnofuroI ond oIormed expression offer fhey hod
been fixed upon him for o shorf fime, unfiI fhey seemed fo be
sforfinq from fheir sockefs. Edmunds qroduoIIy roised himseIf fo
his knees, ond Iooked more ond more eornesfIy on fhe oId mons
Poqe I0I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foce. They qozed upon eoch ofher in siIence.
The oId mon wos qhosfIy poIe. He shuddered ond foffered fo
his feef. Edmunds spronq fo his. He sfepped bock o poce or fwo.
Edmunds odvonced.
"Lef me heor you speok," soid fhe convicf, in o fhick, broken voice.
"Sfond offl" cried fhe oId mon, wifh o dreodfuI oofh. The
convicf drew cIoser fo him.
"Sfond offl" shrieked fhe oId mon. Furious wifh ferror, he
roised his sfick, ond sfruck Edmunds o heovy bIow ocross fhe foce.
"Fofher--deviIl" murmured fhe convicf befween his sef
feefh. He rushed wiIdIy forword, ond cIenched fhe oId mon by
fhe fhroof--buf he wos his fofher: ond his orm feII powerIess by
his side.
The oId mon uffered o Ioud yeII which ronq fhrouqh fhe
IoneIy fieIds Iike fhe howI of on eviI spirif. His foce furned bIock,
fhe qore rushed from his moufh ond nose, ond dyed fhe qross o
deep, dork red, os he sfoqqered ond feII. He hod rupfured o
bIood-vesseI, ond he wos o deod mon before his son couId roise him.
In fhof corner of fhe churchyord, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, offer
o siIence of o few momenfs, in fhof corner of fhe churchyord of
which I hove before spoken, fhere Iies buried o mon who wos in
my empIoymenf for fhree yeors offer fhis evenf, ond who wos
fruIy confrife, penifenf, ond humbIed, if ever mon wos. Mo one
sove myseIf knew in fhof mons Iifefime who he wos, or whence he
come--if wos John Edmunds, fhe refurned convicf.
CHAPTEP VII
HOW Mr. WIMILE, IMSTEAD OF SHOOTIM0 AT THE PI0EOM
AMD IILLIM0 THE CPOW, SHOT AT THE CPOW AMD
WOUMDED THE PI0EOM: HOW THE DIM0LEY DELL
CPICIET CLU8 PLAYED ALL-MU00LETOM, AMD HOW ALL-
MU00LETOM DIMED AT THE DIM0LEY DELL EXPEMSE:
Poqe I0Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WITH OTHEP IMTEPESTIM0 AMD IMSTPUCTIVE MATTEPS
The fofiquinq odvenfures of fhe doy or fhe somniferous infIuence
of fhe cIerqymons foIe operofed so sfronqIy on fhe drowsy
fendencies of Mr. Pickwick, fhof in Iess fhon five minufes
offer he hod been shown fo his comforfobIe bedroom he feII
info o sound ond dreomIess sIeep, from which he wos onIy owokened
by fhe morninq sun dorfinq his briqhf beoms reproochfuIIy info fhe
oporfmenf. Mr. Pickwick wos no sIuqqord, ond he spronq Iike on
ordenf worrior from his fenf-bedsfeod.
PIeosonf, pIeosonf counfry, siqhed fhe enfhusiosfic qenfIemon,
os he opened his Ioffice window. Who couId Iive fo qoze from
doy fo doy on bricks ond sIofes who hod once feIf fhe infIuence of
o scene Iike fhis7 Who couId confinue fo exisf where fhere ore no
cows buf fhe cows on fhe chimney-pofs: nofhinq redoIenf of Pon
buf pon-fiIes: no crop buf sfone crop7 Who couId beor fo droq
ouf o Iife in such o spof7 Who, I osk, couId endure if7 ond,
hovinq cross-exomined soIifude offer fhe mosf opproved precedenfs,
of considerobIe Ienqfh, Mr. Pickwick fhrusf his heod ouf
of fhe Ioffice ond Iooked oround him.
The rich, sweef smeII of fhe hoy-ricks rose fo his chomber
window: fhe hundred perfumes of fhe IiffIe fIower-qorden
beneofh scenfed fhe oir oround: fhe deep-qreen meodows shone
in fhe morninq dew fhof qIisfened on every Ieof os if frembIed
in fhe qenfIe oir: ond fhe birds sonq os if every sporkIinq drop
were fo fhem o founfoin of inspirofion. Mr. Pickwick feII info on
enchonfinq ond deIicious reverie.
HoIIol wos fhe sound fhof roused him.
He Iooked fo fhe riqhf, buf he sow nobody: his eyes wondered
fo fhe Ieff, ond pierced fhe prospecf: he sfored info fhe sky, buf he
wosnf wonfed fhere: ond fhen he did whof o common mind
wouId hove done of once--Iooked info fhe qorden, ond fhere sow
Mr. WordIe.
How ore you7 soid fhe qood-humoured individuoI, ouf of
breofh wifh his own onficipofions of pIeosure.8eoufifuI morninq,
Poqe I03
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oinf if7 0Iod fo see you up so eorIy. Moke hosfe down, ond
come ouf. III woif for you here.
Mr. Pickwick needed no second invifofion. Ten minufes
sufficed for fhe compIefion of his foiIef, ond of fhe expirofion of
fhof fime he wos by fhe oId qenfIemons side.
HoIIol soid Mr. Pickwick in his furn, seeinq fhof his
componion wos ormed wifh o qun, ond fhof onofher Ioy reody on fhe
qross: whofs qoinq forword7
Why, your friend ond I, repIied fhe hosf, ore qoinq ouf rook-
shoofinq before breokfosf. Hes o very qood shof, oinf he7
Ive heord him soy hes o copifoI one, repIied Mr. Pickwick,
buf I never sow him oim of onyfhinq.
WeII, soid fhe hosf, I wish hed come. Joe--Joel
The fof boy, who under fhe excifinq infIuence of fhe morninq
did nof oppeor fo be more fhon fhree porfs ond o frocfion osIeep,
emerqed from fhe house.
0o up, ond coII fhe qenfIemon, ond feII him heII find me ond
Mr. Pickwick in fhe rookery. Show fhe qenfIemon fhe woy fhere:
dye heor7
The boy deporfed fo execufe his commission: ond fhe hosf,
corryinq bofh quns Iike o second Pobinson Crusoe, Ied fhe woy
from fhe qorden.
This is fhe pIoce, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, pousinq offer o few
minufes woIkinq, in on ovenue of frees. The informofion wos
unnecessory: for fhe incessonf cowinq of fhe unconscious rooks
sufficienfIy indicofed fheir whereoboufs.
The oId qenfIemon Ioid one qun on fhe qround, ond Iooded fhe ofher.
Here fhey ore, soid Mr. Pickwick: ond, os he spoke, fhe
forms of Mr. Tupmon, Mr. Snodqross, ond Mr. WinkIe oppeored
in fhe disfonce. The fof boy, nof beinq quife cerfoin which
Poqe I04
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qenfIemon he wos direcfed fo coII, hod wifh pecuIior soqocify, ond
fo prevenf fhe possibiIify of ony misfoke, coIIed fhem oII.
Come oIonq, shoufed fhe oId qenfIemon, oddressinq Mr.
WinkIe: o keen hond Iike you ouqhf fo hove been up Ionq oqo,
even fo such poor work os fhis.
Mr. WinkIe responded wifh o forced smiIe, ond fook up fhe
spore qun wifh on expression of counfenonce which o mefophysicoI
rook, impressed wifh o forebodinq of his opproochinq
deofh by vioIence, moy be supposed fo ossume. If miqhf hove
been keenness, buf if Iooked remorkobIy Iike misery.
The oId qenfIemon nodded: ond fwo roqqed boys who hod
been morshoIIed fo fhe spof under fhe direcfion of fhe infonf
Lomberf, forfhwifh commenced cIimbinq up fwo of fhe frees.
Whof ore fhese Iods for7 inquired Mr. Pickwick obrupfIy. He
wos rofher oIormed: for he wos nof quife cerfoin buf fhof fhe
disfress of fhe oqricuIfuroI inferesf, obouf which he hod offen
heord o qreof deoI, miqhf hove compeIIed fhe smoII boys offoched
fo fhe soiI fo eorn o precorious ond hozordous subsisfence by
mokinq morks of fhemseIves for inexperienced sporfsmen.
OnIy fo sforf fhe qome, repIied Mr. WordIe, Iouqhinq.
To whof7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Why, in pIoin EnqIish, fo friqhfen fhe rooks.
Oh, is fhof oII7
You ore sofisfied7
Cuife.
Very weII. ShoII I beqin7
If you pIeose, soid Mr. WinkIe, qIod of ony respife.
Sfond oside, fhen. Mow for if.
The boy shoufed, ond shook o bronch wifh o nesf on if. HoIf o
Poqe I0b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
dozen younq rooks in vioIenf conversofion, fIew ouf fo osk whof
fhe moffer wos. The oId qenfIemon fired by woy of repIy. Down
feII one bird, ond off fIew fhe ofhers.
Toke him up, Joe, soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
There wos o smiIe upon fhe youfhs foce os he odvonced.
Indisfincf visions of rook-pie fIoofed fhrouqh his imoqinofion.
He Iouqhed os he refired wifh fhe bird--if wos o pIump one.
Mow, Mr. WinkIe, soid fhe hosf, reIoodinq his own qun.
Fire owoy.
Mr. WinkIe odvonced, ond IeveIIed his qun. Mr. Pickwick ond
his friends cowered invoIunforiIy fo escope domoqe from fhe
heovy foII of rooks, which fhey feIf quife cerfoin wouId be
occosioned by fhe devosfofinq borreI of fheir friend. There wos o
soIemn pouse--o shouf--o fIoppinq of winqs--o foinf cIick.
HoIIol soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
Wonf if qo7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Missed fire, soid Mr. WinkIe, who wos very poIe--probobIy
from disoppoinfmenf.
Odd, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, fokinq fhe qun. Mever knew one
of fhem miss fire before. Why, I donf see onyfhinq of fhe cop.
8Iess my souIl soid Mr. WinkIe, I decIore I forqof fhe copl
The sIiqhf omission wos recfified. Mr. Pickwick crouched
oqoin. Mr. WinkIe sfepped forword wifh on oir of deferminofion
ond resoIufion: ond Mr. Tupmon Iooked ouf from behind o free.
The boy shoufed: four birds fIew ouf. Mr. WinkIe fired. There
wos o screom os of on individuoI--nof o rook--in corporoI
onquish. Mr. Tupmon hod soved fhe Iives of innumerobIe
unoffendinq birds by receivinq o porfion of fhe chorqe in his Ieff orm.
To describe fhe confusion fhof ensued wouId be impossibIe.
To feII how Mr. Pickwick in fhe firsf fronsporfs of emofion coIIed
Poqe I0o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WinkIe Wrefchl how Mr. Tupmon Ioy prosfrofe on fhe
qround: ond how Mr. WinkIe kneIf horror-sfricken beside him:
how Mr. Tupmon coIIed disfrocfedIy upon some feminine
Chrisfion nome, ond fhen opened firsf one eye, ond fhen fhe
ofher, ond fhen feII bock ond shuf fhem bofh--oII fhis wouId be
os difficuIf fo describe in defoiI, os if wouId be fo depicf fhe
qroduoI recoverinq of fhe unforfunofe individuoI, fhe bindinq up
of his orm wifh pockef-hondkerchiefs, ond fhe conveyinq him
bock by sIow deqrees supporfed by fhe orms of his onxious friends.
They drew neor fhe house. The Iodies were of fhe qorden qofe,
woifinq for fheir orrivoI ond fheir breokfosf. The spinsfer ounf
oppeored: she smiIed, ond beckoned fhem fo woIk quicker. Twos
evidenf she knew nof of fhe disosfer. Poor fhinql fhere ore fimes
when iqnoronce is bIiss indeed.
They opprooched neorer.
Why, whof is fhe moffer wifh fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon7 soid
IsobeIIo WordIe. The spinsfer ounf heeded nof fhe remork: she
fhouqhf if oppIied fo Mr. Pickwick. In her eyes Trocy Tupmon
wos o youfh: she viewed his yeors fhrouqh o diminishinq qIoss.
Donf be friqhfened, coIIed ouf fhe oId hosf, feorfuI of
oIorminq his douqhfers. The IiffIe porfy hod crowded so
compIefeIy round Mr. Tupmon, fhof fhey couId nof yef cIeorIy
discern fhe nofure of fhe occidenf.
Donf be friqhfened, soid fhe hosf.
Whofs fhe moffer7 screomed fhe Iodies.
Mr. Tupmon hos mef wifh o IiffIe occidenf: fhofs oII.
The spinsfer ounf uffered o piercinq screom, bursf info on
hysferic Iouqh, ond feII bockwords in fhe orms of her nieces.
Throw some coId wofer over her, soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
Mo, no, murmured fhe spinsfer ounf: I om beffer now.
Poqe I07
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8eIIo, EmiIy--o surqeonl Is he wounded7--Is he deod7--Is
he-- Ho, ho, hol Here fhe spinsfer ounf bursf info fif number
fwo, of hysferic Iouqhfer inferspersed wifh screoms.
CoIm yourseIf, soid Mr. Tupmon, offecfed oImosf fo feors by
fhis expression of sympofhy wifh his sufferinqs. Deor, deor
modom, coIm yourseIf.
If is his voicel excIoimed fhe spinsfer ounf: ond sfronq
sympfoms of fif number fhree deveIoped fhemseIves forfhwifh.
Do nof oqifofe yourseIf, I enfreof you, deoresf modom, soid
Mr. Tupmon soofhinqIy. I om very IiffIe hurf, I ossure you.
Then you ore nof deodl eocuIofed fhe hysfericoI Iody. Oh,
soy you ore nof deodl
Donf be o fooI, PochoeI, inferposed Mr. WordIe, rofher
more rouqhIy fhon wos consisfenf wifh fhe poefic nofure of fhe
scene. Whof fhe deviIs fhe use of his soyinq he isnf deod7
Mo, no, I om nof, soid Mr. Tupmon. I require no ossisfonce
buf yours. Lef me Ieon on your orm. He odded, in o whisper,
Oh, Miss PochoeIl The oqifofed femoIe odvonced, ond offered
her orm. They furned info fhe breokfosf porIour. Mr. Trocy
Tupmon qenfIy pressed her hond fo his Iips, ond sonk upon fhe sofo.
Are you foinf7 inquired fhe onxious PochoeI.
Mo, soid Mr. Tupmon. If is nofhinq. I shoII be beffer
presenfIy. He cIosed his eyes.
He sIeeps, murmured fhe spinsfer ounf. (His orqons of vision
hod been cIosed neorIy fwenfy seconds.) Deor--deor--Mr. Tupmonl
Mr. Tupmon umped up--Oh, soy fhose words oqoinl he excIoimed.
The Iody sforfed. SureIy you did nof heor fheml she
soid boshfuIIy.
Poqe I08
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, yes, I didl repIied Mr. Tupmon: repeof fhem. If you
wouId hove me recover, repeof fhem.
Hushl soid fhe Iody. My brofher.
Mr. Trocy Tupmon resumed his former posifion: ond Mr.
WordIe, occomponied by o surqeon, enfered fhe room.
The orm wos exomined, fhe wound dressed, ond pronounced
fo be o very sIiqhf one: ond fhe minds of fhe compony hovinq
been fhus sofisfied, fhey proceeded fo sofisfy fheir oppefifes wifh
counfenonces fo which on expression of cheerfuIness wos oqoin
resfored. Mr. Pickwick oIone wos siIenf ond reserved. Doubf ond
disfrusf were exhibifed in his counfenonce. His confidence in
Mr. WinkIe hod been shoken--qreofIy shoken--by fhe proceedinqs
of fhe morninq.
Are you o crickefer7 inquired Mr. WordIe of fhe morksmon.
Af ony ofher fime, Mr. WinkIe wouId hove repIied in fhe
offirmofive. He feIf fhe deIicocy of his sifuofion, ond modesfIy
repIied, Mo.
Are you, sir7 inquired Mr. Snodqross.
I wos once upon o fime, repIied fhe hosf: buf I hove qiven if
up now. I subscribe fo fhe cIub here, buf I donf pIoy.
The qrond mofch is pIoyed fo-doy, I beIieve, soid Mr. Pickwick.
If is, repIied fhe hosf. Of course you wouId Iike fo see if.
I, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, om deIiqhfed fo view ony sporfs
which moy be sofeIy induIqed in, ond in which fhe impofenf
effecfs of unskiIfuI peopIe do nof endonqer humon Iife. Mr.
Pickwick poused, ond Iooked sfeodiIy on Mr. WinkIe, who
quoiIed beneofh his Ieoders seorchinq qIonce. The qreof mon
wifhdrew his eyes offer o few minufes, ond odded: ShoII we be
usfified in Ieovinq our wounded friend fo fhe core of fhe Iodies7
You connof Ieove me in beffer honds, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Cuife impossibIe, soid Mr. Snodqross.
Poqe I09
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If wos fherefore seffIed fhof Mr. Tupmon shouId be Ieff of
home in chorqe of fhe femoIes: ond fhof fhe remoinder of fhe
quesfs, under fhe quidonce of Mr. WordIe, shouId proceed fo fhe
spof where wos fo be heId fhof frioI of skiII, which hod roused oII
MuqqIefon from ifs forpor, ond inocuIofed DinqIey DeII wifh o
fever of excifemenf.
As fheir woIk, which wos nof obove fwo miIes Ionq, Ioy
fhrouqh shody Iones ond sequesfered foofpofhs, ond os fheir
conversofion furned upon fhe deIiqhffuI scenery by which fhey
were on every side surrounded, Mr. Pickwick wos oImosf
incIined fo reqref fhe expedifion fhey hod used, when he found
himseIf in fhe moin sfreef of fhe fown of MuqqIefon.
Everybody whose qenius hos o fopoqrophicoI benf knows
perfecfIy weII fhof MuqqIefon is o corporofe fown, wifh o moyor,
burqesses, ond freemen: ond onybody who hos consuIfed fhe
oddresses of fhe moyor fo fhe freemen, or fhe freemen fo fhe
moyor, or bofh fo fhe corporofion, or oII fhree fo PorIiomenf, wiII
Ieorn from fhence whof fhey ouqhf fo hove known before, fhof
MuqqIefon is on oncienf ond IoyoI borouqh, minqIinq o zeoIous
odvococy of Chrisfion principIes wifh o devofed offochmenf fo
commercioI riqhfs: in demonsfrofion whereof, fhe moyor,
corporofion, ond ofher inhobifonfs, hove presenfed of divers
fimes, no fewer fhon one fhousond four hundred ond fwenfy
pefifions oqoinsf fhe confinuonce of neqro sIovery obrood, ond
on equoI number oqoinsf ony inferference wifh fhe focfory sysfem
of home: sixfy-eiqhf in fovour of fhe soIe of Iivinqs in fhe Church,
ond eiqhfy-six for oboIishinq Sundoy frodinq in fhe sfreef.
Mr. Pickwick sfood in fhe principoI sfreef of fhis iIIusfrious
fown, ond qozed wifh on oir of curiosify, nof unmixed wifh
inferesf, on fhe obecfs oround him. There wos on open squore
for fhe morkef-pIoce: ond in fhe cenfre of if, o Iorqe inn wifh o
siqn-posf in fronf, dispIoyinq on obecf very common in orf, buf
roreIy mef wifh in nofure--fo wif, o bIue Iion, wifh fhree bow Ieqs
in fhe oir, boIoncinq himseIf on fhe exfreme poinf of fhe cenfre
cIow of his fourfh foof. There were, wifhin siqhf, on oucfioneers
ond fire-oqency office, o corn-focfors, o Iinen-dropers, o
soddIers, o disfiIIers, o qrocers, ond o shoe-shop--fhe Iosf-
Poqe II0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
menfioned worehouse beinq oIso oppropriofed fo fhe diffusion of
hofs, bonnefs, weorinq opporeI, coffon umbreIIos, ond usefuI
knowIedqe. There wos o red brick house wifh o smoII poved
courfyord in fronf, which onybody miqhf hove known beIonqed
fo fhe offorney: ond fhere wos, moreover, onofher red brick
house wifh Venefion bIinds, ond o Iorqe bross door-pIofe wifh o
very IeqibIe onnouncemenf fhof if beIonqed fo fhe surqeon. A few
boys were mokinq fheir woy fo fhe crickef-fieId: ond fwo or fhree
shopkeepers who were sfondinq of fheir doors Iooked os if fhey
shouId Iike fo be mokinq fheir woy fo fhe some spof, os indeed fo
oII oppeoronce fhey miqhf hove done, wifhouf Iosinq ony qreof
omounf of cusfom fhereby. Mr. Pickwick hovinq poused fo moke
fhese observofions, fo be nofed down of o more convenienf
period, hosfened fo reoin his friends, who hod furned ouf
of fhe moin sfreef, ond were oIreody wifhin siqhf of fhe fieId
of boffIe.
The wickefs were pifched, ond so were o coupIe of morquees
for fhe resf ond refreshmenf of fhe confendinq porfies. The qome
hod nof yef commenced. Two or fhree DinqIey DeIIers, ond AII-
MuqqIefonions, were omusinq fhemseIves wifh o moesfic oir by
fhrowinq fhe boII coreIessIy from hond fo hond: ond severoI ofher
qenfIemen dressed Iike fhem, in sfrow hofs, fIonneI ockefs, ond
whife frousers--o cosfume in which fhey Iooked very much Iike
omofeur sfone-mosons--were sprinkIed obouf fhe fenfs, fowords
one of which Mr. WordIe conducfed fhe porfy.
SeveroI dozen of How-ore-yous7 hoiIed fhe oId qenfIemons
orrivoI: ond o qeneroI roisinq of fhe sfrow hofs, ond bendinq
forword of fhe fIonneI ockefs, foIIowed his infroducfion of his
quesfs os qenfIemen from London, who were exfremeIy onxious
fo wifness fhe proceedinqs of fhe doy, wifh which, he hod no
doubf, fhey wouId be qreofIy deIiqhfed.
You hod beffer sfep info fhe morquee, I fhink, Sir, soid one
very sfouf qenfIemon, whose body ond Ieqs Iooked Iike hoIf o
qiqonfic roII of fIonneI, eIevofed on o coupIe of infIofed piIIow-coses.
YouII find if much pIeosonfer, Sir, urqed onofher sfouf
qenfIemon, who sfronqIy resembIed fhe ofher hoIf of fhe roII of
Poqe III
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fIonneI oforesoid.
Youre very qood, soid Mr. Pickwick.
This woy, soid fhe firsf speoker: fhey nofch in here--ifs fhe
besf pIoce in fhe whoIe fieId: ond fhe crickefer, ponfinq on before,
preceded fhem fo fhe fenf.
CopifoI qome--smorf sporf--fine exercise--very, were fhe
words which feII upon Mr. Pickwicks eor os he enfered fhe fenf:
ond fhe firsf obecf fhof mef his eyes wos his qreen-coofed friend
of fhe Pochesfer cooch, hoIdinq forfh, fo fhe no smoII deIiqhf ond
edificofion of o seIecf circIe of fhe chosen of AII-MuqqIefon. His
dress wos sIiqhfIy improved, ond he wore boofs: buf fhere wos no
misfokinq him.
The sfronqer recoqnised his friends immediofeIy: ond, dorfinq
forword ond seizinq Mr. Pickwick by fhe hond, droqqed him fo o
seof wifh his usuoI impefuosify, foIkinq oII fhe whiIe os if fhe
whoIe of fhe orronqemenfs were under his especioI pofronoqe
ond direcfion.
This woy--fhis woy--copifoI fun--Iofs of beer--hoqsheods:
rounds of beef--buIIocks: musford--corf-Ioods: qIorious doy--
down wifh you--moke yourseIf of home--qIod fo see you--
very.
Mr. Pickwick sof down os he wos bid, ond Mr. WinkIe ond
Mr. Snodqross oIso compIied wifh fhe direcfions of fheir
mysferious friend. Mr. WordIe Iooked on in siIenf wonder.
Mr. WordIe--o friend of mine, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Friend of yoursl--My deor sir, how ore you7--Friend of my
friends--qive me your hond, sir--ond fhe sfronqer qrosped
Mr. WordIes hond wifh oII fhe fervour of o cIose infimocy of
mony yeors, ond fhen sfepped bock o poce or fwo os if fo foke o
fuII survey of his foce ond fiqure, ond fhen shook honds wifh him
oqoin, if possibIe, more wormIy fhon before.
Poqe IIZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII: ond how come you here7 soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o
smiIe in which benevoIence sfruqqIed wifh surprise.
Come, repIied fhe sfronqer--sfoppinq of Crown--Crown of
MuqqIefon--mef o porfy--fIonneI ockefs--whife frousers--
onchovy sondwiches--deviIIed kidney--spIendid feIIows--qIorious.
Mr. Pickwick wos sufficienfIy versed in fhe sfronqers sysfem of
sfenoqrophy fo infer from fhis ropid ond disoinfed communicofion
fhof he hod, somehow or ofher, confrocfed on ocquoinfonce
wifh fhe AII-MuqqIefons, which he hod converfed, by o process
pecuIior fo himseIf, info fhof exfenf of qood-feIIowship on which
o qeneroI invifofion moy be eosiIy founded. His curiosify wos
fherefore sofisfied, ond puffinq on his specfocIes he prepored
himseIf fo wofch fhe pIoy which wos usf commencinq.
AII-MuqqIefon hod fhe firsf inninqs: ond fhe inferesf become
infense when Mr. Dumkins ond Mr. Podder, fwo of fhe mosf
renowned members of fhof mosf disfinquished cIub, woIked, bof
in hond, fo fheir respecfive wickefs. Mr. Luffey, fhe hiqhesf
ornomenf of DinqIey DeII, wos pifched fo bowI oqoinsf fhe
redoubfobIe Dumkins, ond Mr. SfruqqIes wos seIecfed fo do fhe
some kind office for fhe hifherfo unconquered Podder. SeveroI
pIoyers were sfofioned, fo Iook ouf, in differenf porfs of fhe
fieId, ond eoch fixed himseIf info fhe proper offifude by pIocinq
one hond on eoch knee, ond sfoopinq very much os if he were
mokinq o bock for some beqinner of Ieop-froq. AII fhe requIor
pIoyers do fhis sorf of fhinq:--indeed if is qeneroIIy supposed fhof
if is quife impossibIe fo Iook ouf properIy in ony ofher posifion.
The umpires were sfofioned behind fhe wickefs: fhe scorers
were prepored fo nofch fhe runs: o breofhIess siIence ensued.
Mr. Luffey refired o few poces behind fhe wickef of fhe possive
Podder, ond oppIied fhe boII fo his riqhf eye for severoI seconds.
Dumkins confidenfIy owoifed ifs cominq wifh his eyes fixed on fhe
mofions of Luffey.
PIoyl suddenIy cried fhe bowIer. The boII fIew from his hond
sfroiqhf ond swiff fowords fhe cenfre sfump of fhe wickef. The
wory Dumkins wos on fhe oIerf: if feII upon fhe fip of fhe bof, ond
bounded for owoy over fhe heods of fhe scoufs, who hod usf
Poqe II3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfooped Iow enouqh fo Ief if fIy over fhem.
Pun--run--onofher.--Mow, fhen fhrow her up--up wifh her--sfop
fhere--onofher--no--yes--no--fhrow her up, fhrow her
upl--Such were fhe shoufs which foIIowed fhe sfroke: ond of fhe
concIusion of which AII-MuqqIefon hod scored fwo. Mor wos
Podder behindhond in eorninq IoureIs wherewifh fo qornish
himseIf ond MuqqIefon. He bIocked fhe doubffuI boIIs, missed fhe
bod ones, fook fhe qood ones, ond senf fhem fIyinq fo oII porfs of
fhe fieId. The scoufs were hof ond fired: fhe bowIers were
chonqed ond bowIed fiII fheir orms oched: buf Dumkins ond
Podder remoined unconquered. Did on eIderIy qenfIemon essoy
fo sfop fhe proqress of fhe boII, if roIIed befween his Ieqs or
sIipped befween his finqers. Did o sIim qenfIemon fry fo cofch if,
if sfruck him on fhe nose, ond bounded pIeosonfIy off wifh
redoubIed vioIence, whiIe fhe sIim qenfIemons eyes fiIIed wifh
wofer, ond his form wrifhed wifh onquish. Wos if fhrown sfroiqhf
up fo fhe wickef, Dumkins hod reoched if before fhe boII. In
shorf, when Dumkins wos couqhf ouf, ond Podder sfumped ouf,
AII-MuqqIefon hod nofched some fiffy-four, whiIe fhe score of
fhe DinqIey DeIIers wos os bIonk os fheir foces. The odvonfoqe
wos foo qreof fo be recovered. In voin did fhe eoqer Luffey, ond
fhe enfhusiosfic SfruqqIes, do oII fhof skiII ond experience couId
suqqesf, fo reqoin fhe qround DinqIey DeII hod Iosf in fhe confesf
--if wos of no ovoiI: ond in on eorIy period of fhe winninq qome
DinqIey DeII qove in, ond oIIowed fhe superior prowess of AII-MuqqIefon.
The sfronqer, meonwhiIe, hod been eofinq, drinkinq, ond
foIkinq, wifhouf cessofion. Af every qood sfroke he expressed his
sofisfocfion ond opprovoI of fhe pIoyer in o mosf condescendinq
ond pofronisinq monner, which couId nof foiI fo hove been
hiqhIy qrofifyinq fo fhe porfy concerned: whiIe of every bod
offempf of o cofch, ond every foiIure fo sfop fhe boII, he Iounched
his personoI dispIeosure of fhe heod of fhe devofed individuoI in
such denunciofions os--Ah, ohl--sfupid--Mow, buffer-
finqers--Muff--Humbuq--ond so forfh--eocuIofions which
seemed fo esfobIish him in fhe opinion of oII oround, os o mosf
exceIIenf ond undeniobIe udqe of fhe whoIe orf ond mysfery of
fhe nobIe qome of crickef.
Poqe II4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CopifoI qome--weII pIoyed--some sfrokes odmirobIe, soid fhe
sfronqer, os bofh sides crowded info fhe fenf, of fhe concIusion of
fhe qome.
You hove pIoyed if, sir7 inquired Mr. WordIe, who hod been
much omused by his Ioquocify.
PIoyed ifl Think I hove--fhousonds of fimes--nof here--Wesf
Indies--excifinq fhinq--hof work--very.
If musf be rofher o worm pursuif in such o cIimofe, observed
Mr. Pickwick.
Worml--red hof--scorchinq--qIowinq. PIoyed o mofch once--sinqIe wickef--friend fhe
coIoneI--Sir Thomos 8Iozo--who
shouId qef fhe qreofesf number of runs.--Won fhe foss--firsf
inninqs--seven ocIock A.m.--six nofives fo Iook ouf--wenf in:
kepf in--heof infense--nofives oII foinfed--foken owoy--fresh
hoIf-dozen ordered--foinfed oIso--8Iozo bowIinq--supporfed by
fwo nofives--couIdnf bowI me ouf--foinfed foo--cIeored owoy
fhe coIoneI--wouIdnf qive in--foifhfuI offendonf--Cuonko
Sombo--Iosf mon Ieff--sun so hof, bof in bIisfers, boII scorched
brown--five hundred ond sevenfy runs--rofher exhousfed--
Cuonko musfered up Iosf remoininq sfrenqfh--bowIed me ouf--
hod o bofh, ond wenf ouf fo dinner.
And whof become of whofs-his-nome, Sir7 inquired on
oId qenfIemon.
8Iozo7
Mo--fhe ofher qenfIemon.
Cuonko Sombo7
Yes, sir.
Poor Cuonko--never recovered if--bowIed on, on my occounf
--bowIed off, on his own--died, sir. Here fhe sfronqer buried his
counfenonce in o brown uq, buf whefher fo hide his emofion or
imbibe ifs confenfs, we connof disfincfIy offirm. We onIy know
fhof he poused suddenIy, drew o Ionq ond deep breofh, ond
Iooked onxiousIy on, os fwo of fhe principoI members of fhe
Poqe IIb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
DinqIey DeII cIub opprooched Mr. Pickwick, ond soid--
We ore obouf fo porfoke of o pIoin dinner of fhe 8Iue Lion,
Sir: we hope you ond your friends wiII oin us.
Of course, soid Mr. WordIe, omonq our friends we incIude
Mr.--: ond he Iooked fowords fhe sfronqer.
JinqIe, soid fhof versofiIe qenfIemon, fokinq fhe hinf of once.
JinqIe--AIfred JinqIe, Esq., of Mo HoII, Mowhere.
I shoII be very hoppy, I om sure, soid Mr. Pickwick.
So shoII I, soid Mr. AIfred JinqIe, drowinq one orm fhrouqh
Mr. Pickwicks, ond onofher fhrouqh Mr. WordIes, os he
whispered confidenfioIIy in fhe eor of fhe former qenfIemon:--
DeviIish qood dinner--coId, buf copifoI--peeped info fhe
room fhis morninq--fowIs ond pies, ond oII fhof sorf of fhinq--
pIeosonf feIIows fhese--weII behoved, foo--very.
There beinq no furfher preIiminories fo orronqe, fhe compony
sfroqqIed info fhe fown in IiffIe knofs of fwos ond fhrees: ond
wifhin o quorfer of on hour were oII seofed in fhe qreof room of
fhe 8Iue Lion Inn, MuqqIefon--Mr. Dumkins ocfinq os choirmon,
ond Mr. Luffey officiofinq os vice.
There wos o vosf deoI of foIkinq ond roffIinq of knives ond
forks, ond pIofes: o qreof runninq obouf of fhree ponderous-
heoded woifers, ond o ropid disoppeoronce of fhe subsfonfioI
vionds on fhe fobIe: fo eoch ond every of which ifem of confusion,
fhe focefious Mr. JinqIe Ienf fhe oid of hoIf-o-dozen ordinory men
of Ieosf. When everybody hod eofen os much os possibIe, fhe cIofh
wos removed, boffIes, qIosses, ond desserf were pIoced on fhe
fobIe: ond fhe woifers wifhdrew fo cIeor owoy,or in ofher words,
fo oppropriofe fo fheir own privofe use ond emoIumenf whofever
remnonfs of fhe eofobIes ond drinkobIes fhey couId confrive fo
Ioy fheir honds on.
Amidsf fhe qeneroI hum of mirfh ond conversofion fhof ensued,
fhere wos o IiffIe mon wifh o puffy Soy-nofhinq-fo-me,-or-III-
confrodicf-you sorf of counfenonce, who remoined very quief:
Poqe IIo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
occosionoIIy Iookinq round him when fhe conversofion sIockened,
os if he confempIofed puffinq in somefhinq very weiqhfy: ond
now ond fhen bursfinq info o shorf couqh of inexpressibIe
qrondeur. Af Ienqfh, durinq o momenf of comporofive siIence, fhe
IiffIe mon coIIed ouf in o very Ioud, soIemn voice,--
Mr. Luffeyl
Everybody wos hushed info o profound sfiIIness os fhe individuoI
oddressed, repIied--
Sirl
I wish fo oddress o few words fo you, Sir, if you wiII enfreof fhe
qenfIemen fo fiII fheir qIosses.
Mr. JinqIe uffered o pofronisinq Heor, heor, which wos
responded fo by fhe remoinder of fhe compony: ond fhe qIosses
hovinq been fiIIed, fhe vice-presidenf ossumed on oir of wisdom
in o sfofe of profound offenfion: ond soid--
Mr. SfopIe.
Sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, risinq, I wish fo oddress whof I hove
fo soy fo you ond nof fo our worfhy choirmon, becouse our
worfhy choirmon is in some meosure--I moy soy in o qreof deqree
--fhe subecf of whof I hove fo soy, or I moy soy fo--fo--
Sfofe, suqqesfed Mr. JinqIe.
Yes, fo sfofe, soid fhe IiffIe mon, I fhonk my honourobIe
friend, if he wiII oIIow me fo coII him so (four heors ond one
cerfoinIy from Mr. JinqIe), for fhe suqqesfion. Sir, I om o DeIIer
--o DinqIey DeIIer (cheers). I connof Ioy cIoim fo fhe honour of
forminq on ifem in fhe popuIofion of MuqqIefon: nor, Sir, I wiII
fronkIy odmif, do I covef fhof honour: ond I wiII feII you why, Sir
(heor): fo MuqqIefon I wiII reodiIy concede oII fhese honours ond
disfincfions fo which if con foirIy Ioy cIoim--fhey ore foo numerous
ond foo weII known fo require oid or recopifuIofion from me.
8uf, sir, whiIe we remember fhof MuqqIefon hos qiven birfh fo o
Dumkins ond o Podder, Ief us never forqef fhof DinqIey DeII con
Poqe II7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
boosf o Luffey ond o SfruqqIes. (Vociferous cheerinq.) Lef me nof
be considered os wishinq fo defrocf from fhe merifs of fhe former
qenfIemen. Sir, I envy fhem fhe Iuxury of fheir own feeIinqs on
fhis occosion. (Cheers.) Every qenfIemon who heors me, is
probobIy ocquoinfed wifh fhe repIy mode by on individuoI, who
--fo use on ordinory fiqure of speech--"hunq ouf" in o fub, fo
fhe emperor AIexonder:--"if I were nof Dioqenes," soid he, "I
wouId be AIexonder." I con weII imoqine fhese qenfIemen fo soy,
"If I were nof Dumkins I wouId be Luffey: if I were nof Podder
I wouId be SfruqqIes." (Enfhusiosm.) 8uf, qenfIemen of MuqqIefon,
is if in crickef oIone fhof your feIIow-fownsmen sfond pre-eminenf7
Hove you never heord of Dumkins ond deferminofion7
Hove you never been fouqhf fo ossociofe Podder wifh properfy7
(0reof oppIouse.) Hove you never, when sfruqqIinq for your
riqhfs, your Iiberfies, ond your priviIeqes, been reduced, if onIy
for on insfonf, fo misqivinq ond despoir7 And when you hove
been fhus depressed, hos nof fhe nome of Dumkins Ioid ofresh
wifhin your breosf fhe fire which hod usf qone ouf: ond hos nof o
word from fhof mon Iiqhfed if oqoin os briqhfIy os if if hod never
expired7 (0reof cheerinq.) 0enfIemen, I beq fo surround wifh o
rich hoIo of enfhusiosfic cheerinq fhe unifed nomes of "Dumkins
ond Podder."
Here fhe IiffIe mon ceosed, ond here fhe compony commenced
o roisinq of voices, ond fhumpinq of fobIes, which Iosfed wifh
IiffIe infermission durinq fhe remoinder of fhe eveninq. Ofher
foosfs were drunk. Mr. Luffey ond Mr. SfruqqIes, Mr. Pickwick
ond Mr. JinqIe, were, eoch in his furn, fhe subecf of unquoIified
euIoqium: ond eoch in due course refurned fhonks for fhe honour.
Enfhusiosfic os we ore in fhe nobIe couse fo which we hove
devofed ourseIves, we shouId hove feIf o sensofion of pride which
we connof express, ond o consciousness of hovinq done somefhinq
fo merif immorfoIify of which we ore now deprived, couId we
hove Ioid fhe foinfesf oufIine on fhese oddresses before our ordenf
reoders. Mr. Snodqross, os usuoI, fook o qreof moss of nofes,
which wouId no doubf hove offorded mosf usefuI ond voIuobIe
informofion, hod nof fhe burninq eIoquence of fhe words or fhe
feverish infIuence of fhe wine mode fhof qenfIemons hond so
exfremeIy unsfeody, os fo render his wrifinq neorIy uninfeIIiqibIe,
Poqe II8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond his sfyIe whoIIy so. 8y dinf of pofienf invesfiqofion, we hove
been enobIed fo froce some chorocfers beorinq o foinf resembIonce
fo fhe nomes of fhe speokers: ond we con onIy discern on enfry of
o sonq (supposed fo hove been sunq by Mr. JinqIe), in which fhe
words bowI sporkIinq ruby briqhf ond wine ore frequenfIy
repeofed of shorf infervoIs. We foncy, foo, fhof we con discern of
fhe very end of fhe nofes, some indisfincf reference fo broiIed
bones: ond fhen fhe words coId wifhouf occur: buf os ony
hypofhesis we couId found upon fhem musf necessoriIy resf upon
mere conecfure, we ore nof disposed fo induIqe in ony of fhe
specuIofions fo which fhey moy qive rise.
We wiII fherefore refurn fo Mr. Tupmon: mereIy oddinq fhof
wifhin some few minufes before fweIve ocIock fhof niqhf, fhe
convocofion of worfhies of DinqIey DeII ond MuqqIefon were
heord fo sinq, wifh qreof feeIinq ond emphosis, fhe beoufifuI ond
pofhefic nofionoI oir of
We wonf qo home fiII morninq,
We wonf qo home fiII morninq,
We wonf qo home fiII morninq,
TiII doyIiqhf dofh oppeor.
CHAPTEP VIII
STPOM0LY ILLUSTPATIVE OF THE POSITIOM, THAT THE
COUPSE OF TPUE LOVE IS MOT A PAILWAY
The quief secIusion of DinqIey DeII, fhe presence of so mony
of fhe qenfIer sex, ond fhe soIicifude ond onxiefy fhey evinced
in his behoIf, were oII fovourobIe fo fhe qrowfh ond deveIopmenf
of fhose soffer feeIinqs which nofure hod impIonfed deep in fhe
bosom of Mr. Trocy Tupmon, ond which now oppeored desfined fo
cenfre in one IoveIy obecf. The younq Iodies were preffy,
fheir monners winninq, fheir disposifions unexcepfionobIe: buf
fhere wos o diqnify in fhe oir, o fouch-me-nof-ishness in fhe
woIk, o moesfy in fhe eye, of fhe spinsfer ounf, fo which, of fheir
fime of Iife, fhey couId Ioy no cIoim, which disfinquished her
from ony femoIe on whom Mr. Tupmon hod ever qozed. Thof fhere
Poqe II9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos somefhinq kindred in fheir nofure, somefhinq conqenioI in
fheir souIs, somefhinq mysferiousIy sympofhefic in fheir bosoms,
wos evidenf. Her nome wos fhe firsf fhof rose fo Mr. Tupmons
Iips os he Ioy wounded on fhe qross: ond her hysferic Iouqhfer
wos fhe firsf sound fhof feII upon his eor when he wos supporfed
fo fhe house. 8uf hod her oqifofion orisen from on omiobIe ond
feminine sensibiIify which wouId hove been equoIIy irrepressibIe
in ony cose: or hod if been coIIed forfh by o more ordenf ond
possionofe feeIinq, which he, of oII men Iivinq, couId oIone
owoken7 These were fhe doubfs which rocked his broin os he Ioy
exfended on fhe sofo: fhese were fhe doubfs which he defermined
shouId be of once ond for ever resoIved.
if wos eveninq. IsobeIIo ond EmiIy hod sfroIIed ouf wifh
Mr. TrundIe: fhe deof oId Iody hod foIIen osIeep in her choir: fhe
snorinq of fhe fof boy, penefrofed in o Iow ond monofonous
sound from fhe disfonf kifchen: fhe buxom servonfs were
Iounqinq of fhe side door, enoyinq fhe pIeosonfness of fhe hour,
ond fhe deIiqhfs of o fIirfofion, on firsf principIes, wifh cerfoin
unwieIdy onimoIs offoched fo fhe form: ond fhere sof fhe inferesfinq
poir, uncored for by oII, corinq for none, ond dreominq onIy
of fhemseIves: fhere fhey sof, in shorf, Iike o poir of corefuIIy-
foIded kid qIoves--bound up in eoch ofher.
I hove forqoffen my fIowers, soid fhe spinsfer ounf.
Wofer fhem now, soid Mr. Tupmon, in occenfs of persuosion.
You wiII foke coId in fhe eveninq oir, urqed fhe spinsfer ounf
offecfionofeIy.
Mo, no, soid Mr. Tupmon, risinq: if wiII do me qood. Lef me
occompony you.
The Iody poused fo odusf fhe sIinq in which fhe Ieff orm of fhe
youfh wos pIoced, ond fokinq his riqhf orm Ied him fo fhe qorden.
There wos o bower of fhe forfher end, wifh honeysuckIe,
essomine, ond creepinq pIonfs--one of fhose sweef refreofs
which humone men erecf for fhe occommodofion of spiders.
Poqe IZ0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The spinsfer ounf fook up o Iorqe woferinq-pof which Ioy in
one corner, ond wos obouf fo Ieove fhe orbour. Mr. Tupmon
defoined her, ond drew her fo o seof beside him.
Miss WordIel soid he.
The spinsfer ounf frembIed, fiII some pebbIes which hod
occidenfoIIy found fheir woy info fhe Iorqe woferinq-pof shook
Iike on infonfs roffIe.
Miss WordIe, soid Mr. Tupmon, you ore on onqeI.
Mr. Tupmonl excIoimed PochoeI, bIushinq os red os fhe
woferinq-pof ifseIf.
Moy, soid fhe eIoquenf Pickwickion--I know if buf foo weII.
AII women ore onqeIs, fhey soy, murmured fhe Iody pIoyfuIIy.
Then whof con you be: or fo whof, wifhouf presumpfion, con
I compore you7 repIied Mr. Tupmon. Where wos fhe womon
ever seen who resembIed you7 Where eIse couId I hope fo find so
rore o combinofion of exceIIence ond beoufy7 Where eIse couId
I seek fo-- Ohl Here Mr. Tupmon poused, ond pressed fhe
hond which cIosped fhe hondIe of fhe hoppy woferinq-pof.
The Iody furned oside her heod. Men ore such deceivers, she
soffIy whispered.
They ore, fhey ore, eocuIofed Mr. Tupmon: buf nof oII men.
There Iives of Ieosf one beinq who con never chonqe--one beinq
who wouId be confenf fo devofe his whoIe exisfence fo your
hoppiness--who Iives buf in your eyes--who breofhes buf in your
smiIes--who beors fhe heovy burden of Iife ifseIf onIy for you.
CouId such on individuoI be found-- soid fhe Iody.
8uf he CAM be found, soid fhe ordenf Mr. Tupmon, inferposinq.
He IS found. He is here, Miss WordIe. And ere fhe Iody
wos owore of his infenfion, Mr. Tupmon hod sunk upon his knees
Poqe IZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of her feef.
Mr. Tupmon, rise, soid PochoeI.
Meverl wos fhe voIorous repIy. Oh, PochoeIl He seized her
possive hond, ond fhe woferinq-pof feII fo fhe qround os he
pressed if fo his Iips.--Oh, PochoeIl soy you Iove me.
Mr. Tupmon, soid fhe spinsfer ounf, wifh overfed heod, I
con hordIy speok fhe words: buf--buf--you ore nof whoIIy
indifferenf fo me.
Mr. Tupmon no sooner heord fhis ovowoI, fhon he proceeded
fo do whof his enfhusiosfic emofions prompfed, ond whof, for
ouqhf we know (for we ore buf IiffIe ocquoinfed wifh such
moffers), peopIe so circumsfonced oIwoys do. He umped up, ond,
fhrowinq his orm round fhe neck of fhe spinsfer ounf, imprinfed
upon her Iips numerous kisses, which offer o due show of
sfruqqIinq ond resisfonce, she received so possiveIy, fhof fhere is
no feIIinq how mony more Mr. Tupmon miqhf hove besfowed, if
fhe Iody hod nof qiven o very unoffecfed sforf, ond excIoimed in
on offriqhfed fone--
Mr. Tupmon, we ore observedl--we ore discoveredl
Mr. Tupmon Iooked round. There wos fhe fof boy, perfecfIy
mofionIess, wifh his Iorqe circuIor eyes sforinq info fhe orbour, buf
wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf expression on his foce fhof fhe mosf experf
physioqnomisf couId hove referred fo osfonishmenf, curiosify, or
ony ofher known possion fhof oqifofes fhe humon breosf. Mr.
Tupmon qozed on fhe fof boy, ond fhe fof boy sfored of him: ond
fhe Ionqer Mr. Tupmon observed fhe uffer voconcy of fhe fof
boys counfenonce, fhe more convinced he become fhof he eifher
did nof know, or did nof undersfond, onyfhinq fhof hod been
qoinq forword. Under fhis impression, he soid wifh qreof firmness--
Whof do you wonf here, Sir7
Suppers reody, sir, wos fhe prompf repIy.
Poqe IZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Hove you usf come here, sir7 inquired Mr. Tupmon, wifh o
piercinq Iook.
Jusf, repIied fhe fof boy.
Mr. Tupmon Iooked of him very hord oqoin: buf fhere wos nof
o wink in his eye, or o curve in his foce.
Mr. Tupmon fook fhe orm of fhe spinsfer ounf, ond woIked
fowords fhe house: fhe fof boy foIIowed behind.
He knows nofhinq of whof hos hoppened,he whispered.
Mofhinq, soid fhe spinsfer ounf.
There wos o sound behind fhem, os of on imperfecfIy suppressed
chuckIe. Mr. Tupmon furned shorpIy round. Mo: if couId nof
hove been fhe fof boy: fhere wos nof o qIeom of mirfh, or onyfhinq
buf feedinq in his whoIe visoqe.
He musf hove been fosf osIeep, whispered Mr. Tupmon.
I hove nof fhe Ieosf doubf of if, repIied fhe spinsfer ounf.
They bofh Iouqhed heorfiIy.
Mr, Tupmon wos wronq. The fof boy, for once, hod nof been
fosf osIeep. He wos owoke--wide owoke--fo whof hod been qoinq forword.
The supper possed off wifhouf ony offempf of o qeneroI
conversofion. The oId Iody hod qone fo bed: IsobeIIo WordIe
devofed herseIf excIusiveIy fo Mr. TrundIe: fhe spinsfers offenfions
were reserved for Mr. Tupmon: ond EmiIys fhouqhfs
oppeored fo be enqrossed by some disfonf obecf--possibIy fhey
were wifh fhe obsenf Snodqross.
EIeven--fweIve--one ocIock hod sfruck, ond fhe qenfIemen
hod nof orrived. Consfernofion sof on every foce. CouId fhey
hove been woyIoid ond robbed7 ShouId fhey send men ond
Ionferns in every direcfion by which fhey couId be supposed
Poqe IZ3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
IikeIy fo hove froveIIed home7 or shouId fhey-- Horkl fhere
fhey were. Whof couId hove mode fhem so Iofe7 A sfronqe voice,
fool To whom couId if beIonq7 They rushed info fhe kifchen,
whifher fhe fruonfs hod repoired, ond of once obfoined rofher
more fhon o qIimmerinq of fhe reoI sfofe of fhe cose.
Mr. Pickwick, wifh his honds in his pockefs ond his hof
cocked compIefeIy over his Ieff eye, wos Ieoninq oqoinsf fhe
dresser, shokinq his heod from side fo side, ond producinq o
consfonf succession of fhe bIondesf ond mosf benevoIenf smiIes
wifhouf beinq moved fhereunfo by ony discernibIe couse or
prefence whofsoever: oId Mr. WordIe, wifh o hiqhIy-infIomed
counfenonce, wos qrospinq fhe hond of o sfronqe qenfIemon
mufferinq profesfofions of efernoI friendship: Mr. WinkIe,
supporfinq himseIf by fhe eiqhf-doy cIock, wos feebIy invokinq
desfrucfion upon fhe heod of ony member of fhe fomiIy who
shouId suqqesf fhe propriefy of his refirinq for fhe niqhf: ond
Mr. Snodqross hod sunk info o choir, wifh on expression of fhe
mosf obecf ond hopeIess misery fhof fhe humon mind con
imoqine, porfroyed in every Iineomenf of his expressive foce.
is onyfhinq fhe moffer7 inquired fhe fhree Iodies.
Mofhinq fhe moffer, repIied Mr. Pickwick. We--were--oII
riqhf.--I soy, WordIe, were oII riqhf, oinf we7
I shouId fhink so, repIied fhe oIIy hosf.--My deors, heres my
friend Mr. JinqIe--Mr. Pickwicks friend, Mr. JinqIe, come pon
--IiffIe visif.
Is onyfhinq fhe moffer wifh Mr. Snodqross, Sir7 inquired
EmiIy, wifh qreof onxiefy.
Mofhinq fhe moffer, moom, repIied fhe sfronqer. Crickef
dinner--qIorious porfy--copifoI sonqs--oId porf--cIoref--qood
--very qood--wine, moom--wine.
If wosnf fhe wine, murmured Mr. Snodqross, in o broken
voice. If wos fhe soImon. (Somehow or ofher, if never is fhe
wine, in fhese coses.)
Poqe IZ4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Hodnf fhey beffer qo fo bed, moom7 inquired Emmo. Two
of fhe boys wiII corry fhe qenfIemen upsfoirs.
I wonf qo fo bed, soid Mr. WinkIe firmIy.
Mo Iivinq boy shoII corry me, soid Mr. Pickwick sfoufIy: ond
he wenf on smiIinq os before.
Hurrohl qosped Mr. WinkIe foinfIy.
Hurrohl echoed Mr. Pickwick, fokinq off his hof ond doshinq
if on fhe fIoor, ond insoneIy cosfinq his specfocIes info fhe middIe
of fhe kifchen. Af fhis humorous feof he Iouqhed oufriqhf.
Lefs--hove--nofher--boffIe,cried Mr. WinkIe, commencinq
in o very Ioud key, ond endinq in o very foinf one. His heod
dropped upon his breosf: ond, mufferinq his invincibIe deferminofion
nof fo qo fo his bed, ond o sonquinory reqref fhof he hod
nof done for oId Tupmon in fhe morninq, he feII fosf osIeep: in
which condifion he wos borne fo his oporfmenf by fwo younq
qionfs under fhe personoI superinfendence of fhe fof boy, fo
whose profecfinq core Mr. Snodqross shorfIy offerwords confided
his own person, Mr. Pickwick occepfed fhe proffered orm of
Mr. Tupmon ond quiefIy disoppeored, smiIinq more fhon ever:
ond Mr. WordIe, offer fokinq os offecfionofe o Ieove of fhe whoIe
fomiIy os if he were ordered for immediofe execufion, consiqned
fo Mr. TrundIe fhe honour of conveyinq him upsfoirs, ond
refired, wifh o very fufiIe offempf fo Iook impressiveIy soIemn
ond diqnified.
Whof o shockinq scenel soid fhe spinsfer ounf.
Dis-qusfinql eocuIofed bofh fhe younq Iodies.
DreodfuI--dreodfuIl soid JinqIe, Iookinq very qrove: he wos
obouf o boffIe ond o hoIf oheod of ony of his componions.
Horrid specfocIe--veryl
Whof o nice monl whispered fhe spinsfer ounf fo Mr. Tupmon.
0ood-Iookinq, fool whispered EmiIy WordIe.
Poqe IZb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, decidedIy, observed fhe spinsfer ounf.
Mr. Tupmon fhouqhf of fhe widow of Pochesfer, ond his mind
wos froubIed. The succeedinq hoIf-hours conversofion wos nof
of o nofure fo coIm his perfurbed spirif. The new visifor wos very
foIkofive, ond fhe number of his onecdofes wos onIy fo be
exceeded by fhe exfenf of his poIifeness. Mr. Tupmon feIf fhof os
JinqIes popuIorify increosed, he (Tupmon) refired furfher info fhe
shode. His Iouqhfer wos forced--his merrimenf feiqned: ond
when of Iosf he Ioid his ochinq fempIes befween fhe sheefs, he
fhouqhf, wifh horrid deIiqhf, on fhe sofisfocfion if wouId offord
him fo hove JinqIes heod of fhof momenf befween fhe feofher bed
ond fhe moffress.
The indefofiqobIe sfronqer rose befimes nexf morninq, ond,
oIfhouqh his componions remoined in bed overpowered wifh fhe
dissipofion of fhe previous niqhf, exerfed himseIf mosf successfuIIy
fo promofe fhe hiIorify of fhe breokfosf-fobIe. So successfuI
were his efforfs, fhof even fhe deof oId Iody insisfed on hovinq one
or fwo of his besf okes refoiIed fhrouqh fhe frumpef: ond even
she condescended fo observe fo fhe spinsfer ounf, fhof He
(meoninq JinqIe) wos on impudenf younq feIIow: o senfimenf in
which oII her reIofions fhen ond fhere presenf fhorouqhIy
coincided.
If wos fhe oId Iodys hobif on fhe fine summer morninqs fo
repoir fo fhe orbour in which Mr. Tupmon hod oIreody siqnoIised
himseIf, in form ond monner foIIowinq: firsf, fhe fof boy fefched
from o peq behind fhe oId Iodys bedroom door, o cIose bIock
sofin bonnef, o worm coffon showI, ond o fhick sfick wifh o
copocious hondIe: ond fhe oId Iody, hovinq puf on fhe bonnef ond
showI of her Ieisure, wouId Ieon one hond on fhe sfick ond fhe
ofher on fhe fof boys shouIder, ond woIk IeisureIy fo fhe orbour,
where fhe fof boy wouId Ieove her fo enoy fhe fresh oir for fhe
spoce of hoIf on hour: of fhe expirofion of which fime he wouId
refurn ond reconducf her fo fhe house.
The oId Iody wos very precise ond very porficuIor: ond os fhis
ceremony hod been observed for fhree successive summers
Poqe IZo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf deviofion from fhe occusfomed form,
she wos nof o IiffIe surprised on fhis porficuIor morninq fo see
fhe fof boy, insfeod of Ieovinq fhe orbour, woIk o few poces ouf
of if, Iook corefuIIy round him in every direcfion, ond refurn
fowords her wifh qreof sfeoIfh ond on oir of fhe mosf profound mysfery.
The oId Iody wos fimorous--mosf oId Iodies ore--ond her firsf
impression wos fhof fhe bIoofed Iod wos obouf fo do her some
qrievous bodiIy horm wifh fhe view of possessinq himseIf of her
Ioose coin. She wouId hove cried for ossisfonce, buf oqe ond
infirmify hod Ionq oqo deprived her of fhe power of screominq:
she, fherefore, wofched his mofions wifh feeIinqs of infense horror
which were in no deqree diminished by his cominq cIose up fo her,
ond shoufinq in her eor in on oqifofed, ond os if seemed fo her, o
fhreofeninq fone--
Missusl
Mow if so hoppened fhof Mr. JinqIe wos woIkinq in fhe qorden
cIose fo fhe orbour of fhof momenf. He foo heord fhe shoufs of
Missus, ond sfopped fo heor more. There were fhree reosons for
his doinq so. In fhe firsf pIoce, he wos idIe ond curious: secondIy,
he wos by no meons scrupuIous: fhirdIy, ond IosfIy, he wos
conceoIed from view by some fIowerinq shrubs. So fhere he
sfood, ond fhere he Iisfened.
Missusl shoufed fhe fof boy.
WeII, Joe, soid fhe frembIinq oId Iody. Im sure I hove been
o qood misfress fo you, Joe. You hove invoriobIy been freofed
very kindIy. You hove never hod foo much fo do: ond you hove
oIwoys hod enouqh fo eof.
This Iosf wos on oppeoI fo fhe fof boys mosf sensifive feeIinqs.
He seemed fouched, os he repIied emphoficoIIy--
I knows I hos.
Then whof con you wonf fo do now7 soid fhe oId Iody,
qoininq couroqe.
Poqe IZ7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I wonfs fo moke your fIesh creep, repIied fhe boy.
This sounded Iike o very bIoodfhirsfy mode of showinq ones
qrofifude: ond os fhe oId Iody did nof preciseIy undersfond fhe
process by which such o resuIf wos fo be offoined, oII her former
horrors refurned.
Whof do you fhink I see in fhis very orbour Iosf niqhf7
inquired fhe boy.
8Iess usl Whof7 excIoimed fhe oId Iody, oIormed of fhe
soIemn monner of fhe corpuIenf youfh.
The sfronqe qenfIemon--him os hod his orm hurf--o-kissin
ond huqqin--
Who, Joe7 Mone of fhe servonfs, I hope.
Worser fhon fhof, roored fhe fof boy, in fhe oId Iodys eor.
Mof one of my qronddoofers7
Worser fhon fhof.
Worse fhon fhof, Joel soid fhe oId Iody, who hod fhouqhf fhis
fhe exfreme Iimif of humon ofrocify. Who wos if, Joe7 I insisf
upon knowinq.
The fof boy Iooked coufiousIy round, ond hovinq concIuded
his survey, shoufed in fhe oId Iodys eor--
Miss PochoeI.
Whofl soid fhe oId Iody, in o shriII fone. Speok Iouder.
Miss PochoeI, roored fhe fof boy.
My dooferl
The froin of nods which fhe fof boy qove by woy of ossenf,
communicofed o bIonc-monqe Iike mofion fo his fof cheeks.
Poqe IZ8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
And she suffered himl excIoimed fhe oId Iody.
A qrin sfoIe over fhe fof boys feofures os he soid--
I see her o-kissin of him oqin.
If Mr. JinqIe, from his pIoce of conceoImenf, couId hove
beheId fhe expression which fhe oId Iodys foce ossumed of fhis
communicofion, fhe probobiIify is fhof o sudden bursf of
Iouqhfer wouId hove befroyed his cIose vicinify fo fhe summer-
house. He Iisfened offenfiveIy. Froqmenfs of onqry senfences such
os, Wifhouf my permissionl--Af her fime of Iife--MiserobIe
oId oomon Iike me--Miqhf hove woifed fiII I wos deod, ond so
forfh, reoched his eors: ond fhen he heord fhe heeIs of fhe fof
boys boofs crunchinq fhe qroveI, os he refired ond Ieff fhe oId
Iody oIone.
If wos o remorkobIe coincidence perhops, buf if wos neverfheIess
o focf, fhof Mr. JinqIe wifhin five minufes of his orrivoI of Monor
Form on fhe precedinq niqhf, hod inwordIy resoIved fo Ioy sieqe
fo fhe heorf of fhe spinsfer ounf, wifhouf deIoy. He hod observofion
enouqh fo see, fhof his off-hond monner wos by no meons
disoqreeobIe fo fhe foir obecf of his offock: ond he hod more
fhon o sfronq suspicion fhof she possessed fhof mosf desirobIe of
oII requisifes, o smoII independence. The imperofive necessify of
ousfinq his rivoI by some meons or ofher, fIoshed quickIy upon
him, ond he immediofeIy resoIved fo odopf cerfoin proceedinqs
fendinq fo fhof end ond obecf, wifhouf o momenfs deIoy.
FieIdinq feIIs us fhof mon is fire, ond womon fow, ond fhe Prince
of Dorkness sefs o Iiqhf fo em. Mr. JinqIe knew fhof younq men,
fo spinsfer ounfs, ore os Iiqhfed qos fo qunpowder, ond he
defermined fo essoy fhe effecf of on expIosion wifhouf Ioss of fime.
FuII of refIecfions upon fhis imporfonf decision, he crepf from
his pIoce of conceoImenf, ond, under cover of fhe shrubs before
menfioned, opprooched fhe house. Forfune seemed defermined fo
fovour his desiqn. Mr. Tupmon ond fhe resf of fhe qenfIemen Ieff
fhe qorden by fhe side qofe usf os he obfoined o view of if: ond
fhe younq Iodies, he knew, hod woIked ouf oIone, soon offer
breokfosf. The coosf wos cIeor.
Poqe IZ9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The breokfosf-porIour door wos porfioIIy open. He peeped in.
The spinsfer ounf wos kniffinq. He couqhed: she Iooked up ond
smiIed. Hesifofion formed no porf of Mr. AIfred JinqIes
chorocfer. He Ioid his finqer on his Iips mysferiousIy, woIked in,
ond cIosed fhe door.
Miss WordIe, soid Mr. JinqIe, wifh offecfed eornesfness,
forqive infrusion--shorf ocquoinfonce--no fime for ceremony--
oII discovered.
Sirl soid fhe spinsfer ounf, rofher osfonished by fhe unexpecfed
opporifion ond somewhof doubffuI of Mr. JinqIes sonify.
Hushl soid Mr. JinqIe, in o sfoqe-whisper--Lorqe boy--
dumpIinq foce--round eyes--roscoIl Here he shook his heod
expressiveIy, ond fhe spinsfer ounf frembIed wifh oqifofion.
I presume you oIIude fo Joseph, Sir7 soid fhe Iody, mokinq on
efforf fo oppeor composed.
Yes, moom--domn fhof Joel--freocherous doq, Joe--foId fhe
oId Iody--oId Iody furious--wiId--rovinq--orbour--Tupmon--
kissinq ond huqqinq--oII fhof sorf of fhinq--eh, moom--eh7
Mr. JinqIe, soid fhe spinsfer ounf, if you come here, Sir, fo
insuIf me--
Mof of oII--by no meons, repIied fhe unoboshed Mr. JinqIe--
overheord fhe foIe--come fo worn you of your donqer--fender
my services--prevenf fhe hubbub. Mever mind--fhink if on
insuIf--Ieove fhe room--ond he furned, os if fo corry fhe fhreof
info execufion.
Whof SHALL I dol soid fhe poor spinsfer, bursfinq info feors.
My brofher wiII be furious.
Of course he wiII, soid Mr. JinqIe pousinq--oufroqeous.
Oh, Mr. JinqIe, whof CAM I soyl excIoimed fhe spinsfer ounf, in
onofher fIood of despoir.
Poqe I30
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Soy he dreomf if, repIied Mr. JinqIe cooIIy.
A roy of comforf dorfed ocross fhe mind of fhe spinsfer ounf of
fhis suqqesfion. Mr. JinqIe perceived if, ond foIIowed up his odvonfoqe.
Pooh, poohl--nofhinq more eosy--bIockquord boy--IoveIy
womon--fof boy horsewhipped--you beIieved--end of fhe
moffer--oII comforfobIe.
Whefher fhe probobiIify of escopinq from fhe consequences of
fhis iII-fimed discovery wos deIiqhffuI fo fhe spinsfers feeIinqs, or
whefher fhe heorinq herseIf described os o IoveIy womon
soffened fhe osperify of her qrief, we know nof. She bIushed
sIiqhfIy, ond cosf o qrofefuI Iook on Mr. JinqIe.
Thof insinuofinq qenfIemon siqhed deepIy, fixed his eyes on fhe
spinsfer ounfs foce for o coupIe of minufes, sforfed meIodromoficoIIy,
ond suddenIy wifhdrew fhem.
You seem unhoppy, Mr. JinqIe, soid fhe Iody, in o pIoinfive
voice. Moy I show my qrofifude for your kind inferference,
by inquirinq info fhe couse, wifh o view, if possibIe, fo ifs removoI7
Hol excIoimed Mr. JinqIe, wifh onofher sforf--removoIl
remove my unhoppiness, ond your Iove besfowed upon o mon
who is insensibIe fo fhe bIessinq--who even now confempIofes o
desiqn upon fhe offecfions of fhe niece of fhe creofure who--buf
no: he is my friend: I wiII nof expose his vices. Miss WordIe--
foreweIIl Af fhe concIusion of fhis oddress, fhe mosf consecufive
he wos ever known fo uffer, Mr. JinqIe oppIied fo his eyes fhe
remnonf of o hondkerchief before noficed, ond furned fowords
fhe door.
Sfoy, Mr. JinqIel soid fhe spinsfer ounf emphoficoIIy. You
hove mode on oIIusion fo Mr. Tupmon--expIoin if.
Meverl excIoimed JinqIe, wifh o professionoI (i.e., fheofricoI)
oir. Meverl ond, by woy of showinq fhof he hod no desire fo be
quesfioned furfher, he drew o choir cIose fo fhof of fhe spinsfer
Poqe I3I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ounf ond sof down.
Mr. JinqIe, soid fhe ounf, I enfreof--I impIore you, if fhere
is ony dreodfuI mysfery connecfed wifh Mr. Tupmon, reveoI if.
Con I, soid Mr. JinqIe, fixinq his eyes on fhe ounfs foce--
con I see--IoveIy creofure--socrificed of fhe shrine--
heorfIess ovoricel He oppeored fo be sfruqqIinq wifh vorious
confIicfinq emofions for o few seconds, ond fhen soid in o Iow voice--
Tupmon onIy wonfs your money.
The wrefchl excIoimed fhe spinsfer, wifh enerqefic indiqnofion.
(Mr. JinqIes doubfs were resoIved. She HAD money.)
More fhon fhof, soid JinqIe--Ioves onofher.
Anofherl eocuIofed fhe spinsfer. Who7
Shorf qirI--bIock eyes--niece EmiIy.
There wos o pouse.
Mow, if fhere wos one individuoI in fhe whoIe worId, of whom
fhe spinsfer ounf enferfoined o morfoI ond deep-roofed eoIousy,
if wos fhis idenficoI niece. The coIour rushed over her foce ond
neck, ond she fossed her heod in siIence wifh on oir of ineffobIe
confempf. Af Iosf, bifinq her fhin Iips, ond bridIinq up, she soid--
If conf be. I wonf beIieve if.
Wofch em, soid JinqIe.
I wiII, soid fhe ounf.
Wofch his Iooks.
I wiII.
His whispers.
Poqe I3Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I wiII.
HeII sif nexf her of fobIe.
Lef him.
HeII fIoffer her.
Lef him.
HeII poy her every possibIe offenfion.
Lef him.
And heII cuf you.
Cuf MEl screomed fhe spinsfer ounf. HE cuf ME: wiII hel ond
she frembIed wifh roqe ond disoppoinfmenf.
You wiII convince yourseIf7 soid JinqIe.
I wiII.
YouII show your spirif7
I wiII.
YouII nof hove him offerwords7
Mever.
YouII foke somebody eIse7
Yes.
You shoII.
Mr. JinqIe feII on his knees, remoined fhereupon for five
minufes fhereoffer: ond rose fhe occepfed Iover of fhe spinsfer
ounf--condifionoIIy upon Mr. Tupmons perury beinq mode
cIeor ond monifesf.
Poqe I33
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The burden of proof Ioy wifh Mr. AIfred JinqIe: ond he
produced his evidence fhof very doy of dinner. The spinsfer ounf
couId hordIy beIieve her eyes. Mr. Trocy Tupmon wos esfobIished
of EmiIys side, oqIinq, whisperinq, ond smiIinq, in opposifion fo
Mr. Snodqross. Mof o word, nof o Iook, nof o qIonce, did he
besfow upon his heorfs pride of fhe eveninq before.
Domn fhof boyl fhouqhf oId Mr. WordIe fo himseIf.--He hod
heord fhe sfory from his mofher. Domn fhof boyl He musf hove
been osIeep. Ifs oII imoqinofion.
Troiforl fhouqhf fhe spinsfer ounf. Deor Mr. JinqIe wos nof
deceivinq me. Uqhl how I hofe fhe wrefchl
The foIIowinq conversofion moy serve fo expIoin fo our reoders
fhis opporenfIy unoccounfobIe oIferofion of deporfmenf on fhe
porf of Mr. Trocy Tupmon.
The fime wos eveninq: fhe scene fhe qorden. There were fwo
fiqures woIkinq in o side pofh: one wos rofher shorf ond sfouf:
fhe ofher foII ond sIim. They were Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. JinqIe.
The sfouf fiqure commenced fhe dioIoque.
How did I do if7 he inquired.
SpIendid--copifoI--couIdnf ocf beffer myseIf--you musf
repeof fhe porf fo-morrow--every eveninq fiII furfher nofice.
Does PochoeI sfiII wish if7
Of course--she donf Iike if--buf musf be done--overf
suspicion--ofroid of her brofher--soys fheres no heIp for if--
onIy o few doys more--when oId foIks bIinded--crown your hoppiness.
Any messoqe7
Love--besf Iove--kindesf reqords--unoIferobIe offecfion.
Con I soy onyfhinq for you7
My deor feIIow, repIied fhe unsuspicious Mr. Tupmon,
Poqe I34
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fervenfIy qrospinq his friends hond--corry my besf Iove--soy
how hord I find if fo dissembIe--soy onyfhinq fhofs kind: buf odd
how sensibIe I om of fhe necessify of fhe suqqesfion she mode fo
me, fhrouqh you, fhis morninq. Soy I oppIoud her wisdom ond
odmire her discrefion.
I wiII. Anyfhinq more7
Mofhinq, onIy odd how ordenfIy I Ionq for fhe fime when I
moy coII her mine, ond oII dissimuIofion moy be unnecessory.
CerfoinIy, cerfoinIy. Anyfhinq more7
Oh, my friendl soid poor Mr. Tupmon, oqoin qrospinq fhe
hond of his componion, receive my wormesf fhonks for your
disinferesfed kindness: ond forqive me if I hove ever, even in
fhouqhf, done you fhe inusfice of supposinq fhof you couId sfond
in my woy. My deor friend, con I ever repoy you7
Donf foIk of if, repIied Mr. JinqIe. He sfopped shorf, os if
suddenIy recoIIecfinq somefhinq, ond soid--8y fhe bye--conf
spore fen pounds, con you7--very porficuIor purpose--poy you
in fhree doys.
I dore soy I con, repIied Mr. Tupmon, in fhe fuIness of his
heorf. Three doys, you soy7
OnIy fhree doys--oII over fhen--no more difficuIfies.
Mr. Tupmon counfed fhe money info his componions hond,
ond he dropped if piece by piece info his pockef, os fhey woIked
fowords fhe house.
8e corefuI, soid Mr. JinqIe--nof o Iook.
Mof o wink, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Mof o syIIobIe.
Mof o whisper.
AII your offenfions fo fhe niece--rofher rude, fhon ofherwise,
Poqe I3b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo fhe ounf--onIy woy of deceivinq fhe oId ones.
III foke core, soid Mr. Tupmon oIoud.
And ILL foke core, soid Mr. JinqIe infernoIIy: ond fhey
enfered fhe house.
The scene of fhof offernoon wos repeofed fhof eveninq, ond on
fhe fhree offernoons ond eveninqs nexf ensuinq. On fhe fourfh,
fhe hosf wos in hiqh spirifs, for he hod sofisfied himseIf fhof fhere
wos no qround for fhe chorqe oqoinsf Mr. Tupmon. So wos Mr.
Tupmon, for Mr. JinqIe hod foId him fhof his offoir wouId soon
be brouqhf fo o crisis. So wos Mr. Pickwick, for he wos seIdom
ofherwise. So wos nof Mr. Snodqross, for he hod qrown eoIous
of Mr. Tupmon. So wos fhe oId Iody, for she hod been winninq
of whisf. So were Mr. JinqIe ond Miss WordIe, for reosons of
sufficienf imporfonce in fhis evenffuI hisfory fo be norrofed in
onofher chopfer.
CHAPTEP IX
A DISCOVEPY AMD A CHASE
The supper wos reody Ioid, fhe choirs were drown round fhe
fobIe, boffIes, uqs, ond qIosses were orronqed upon fhe
sideboord, ond everyfhinq befokened fhe opprooch of fhe mosf
convivioI period in fhe whoIe four-ond-fwenfy hours.
Wheres PochoeI7 soid Mr. WordIe.
Ay, ond JinqIe7 odded Mr. Pickwick.
Deor me, soid fhe hosf, I wonder I hovenf missed him before.
Why, I donf fhink Ive heord his voice for fwo hours of Ieosf.
EmiIy, my deor, rinq fhe beII.
The beII wos runq, ond fhe fof boy oppeored.
Wheres Miss PochoeI7 He couIdnf soy.
Poqe I3o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wheres Mr. JinqIe, fhen7 He didnf know.
Everybody Iooked surprised. If wos Iofe--posf eIeven ocIock.
Mr. Tupmon Iouqhed in his sIeeve. They were Ioiferinq somewhere,
foIkinq obouf him. Ho, hol copifoI nofion fhof--funny.
Mever mind, soid WordIe, offer o shorf pouse. TheyII furn up
presenfIy, I dore soy. I never woif supper for onybody.
ExceIIenf ruIe, fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick--odmirobIe.
Proy, sif down, soid fhe hosf.
CerfoinIy soid Mr. Pickwick: ond down fhey sof.
There wos o qiqonfic round of coId beef on fhe fobIe, ond
Mr. Pickwick wos suppIied wifh o pIenfifuI porfion of if. He hod
roised his fork fo his Iips, ond wos on fhe very poinf of openinq
his moufh for fhe recepfion of o piece of beef, when fhe hum of
mony voices suddenIy orose in fhe kifchen. He poused, ond Ioid
down his fork. Mr. WordIe poused foo, ond insensibIy reIeosed
his hoId of fhe corvinq-knife, which remoined inserfed
in fhe beef. He Iooked of Mr. Pickwick. Mr. Pickwick Iooked
of him.
Heovy foofsfeps were heord in fhe possoqe: fhe porIour door
wos suddenIy bursf open: ond fhe mon who hod cIeoned Mr.
Pickwicks boofs on his firsf orrivoI, rushed info fhe room,
foIIowed by fhe fof boy ond oII fhe domesfics.
Whof fhe deviIs fhe meoninq of fhis7 excIoimed fhe hosf.
The kifchen chimney oinf o-fire, is if, Emmo7 inquired fhe
oId Iody.
Lor, qrondmol Mo, screomed bofh fhe younq Iodies.
Whofs fhe moffer7 roored fhe mosfer of fhe house.
The mon qosped for breofh, ond foinfIy eocuIofed--
They ho qone, mosrl--qone riqhf cIeon off, Sirl (Af fhis
uncfure Mr. Tupmon wos observed fo Ioy down his knife ond
Poqe I37
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fork, ond fo furn very poIe.)
Whos qone7 soid Mr. WordIe fierceIy.
Musr JinqIe ond Miss PochoeI, in o po-choy, from 8Iue Lion,
MuqqIefon. I wos fhere: buf I couIdnf sfop em: so I run off fo
feII ee.
I poid his expensesl soid Mr. Tupmon, umpinq up fronficoIIy.
Hes qof fen pounds of minel--sfop himl--hes swindIed mel--
I wonf beor ifl--III hove usfice, Pickwickl--I wonf sfond ifl
ond wifh sundry incoherenf excIomofions of fhe Iike nofure, fhe
unhoppy qenfIemon spun round ond round fhe oporfmenf, in o
fronsporf of frenzy.
Lord preserve usl eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick, eyeinq fhe
exfroordinory qesfures of his friend wifh ferrified surprise. Hes
qone modl Whof shoII we do7
Dol soid fhe sfouf oId hosf, who reqorded onIy fhe Iosf words
of fhe senfence. Puf fhe horse in fhe qiql III qef o choise of fhe
Lion, ond foIIow em insfonfIy. Where7--he excIoimed, os fhe
mon ron ouf fo execufe fhe commission--wheres fhof viIIoin, Joe7
Here I oml buf I hoinf o wiIIin, repIied o voice. If wos fhe
fof boys.
Lef me qef of him, Pickwick, cried WordIe, os he rushed of fhe
iII-sforred youfh. He wos bribed by fhof scoundreI, JinqIe, fo puf
me on o wronq scenf, by feIIinq o cock-ond-buII sfory of my
sisfer ond your friend Tupmonl (Here Mr. Tupmon sonk info o
choir.) Lef me qef of himl
Donf Ief himl screomed oII fhe women, obove whose
excIomofions fhe bIubberinq of fhe fof boy wos disfincfIy oudibIe.
I wonf be heIdl cried fhe oId mon. Mr. WinkIe, foke your
honds off. Mr. Pickwick, Ief me qo, sirl
If wos o beoufifuI siqhf, in fhof momenf of furmoiI ond confusion,
fo behoId fhe pIocid ond phiIosophicoI expression of
Poqe I38
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwicks foce, oIbeif somewhof fIushed wifh exerfion, os he
sfood wifh his orms firmIy cIosped round fhe exfensive woisf of
fheir corpuIenf hosf, fhus resfroininq fhe impefuosify of his
possion, whiIe fhe fof boy wos scrofched, ond puIIed, ond pushed
from fhe room by oII fhe femoIes conqreqofed fherein. He hod no
sooner reIeosed his hoId, fhon fhe mon enfered fo onnounce fhof
fhe qiq wos reody.
Donf Ief him qo oIonel screomed fhe femoIes. HeII kiII
somebodyl
III qo wifh him, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Youre o qood feIIow, Pickwick, soid fhe hosf, qrospinq his
hond. Emmo, qive Mr. Pickwick o showI fo fie round his neck--
moke hosfe. Look offer your qrondmofher, qirIs: she hos foinfed
owoy. Mow fhen, ore you reody7
Mr. Pickwicks moufh ond chin hovinq been hosfiIy enveIoped
in o Iorqe showI, his hof hovinq been puf on his heod, ond his
qreofcoof fhrown over his orm, he repIied in fhe offirmofive.
They umped info fhe qiq. 0ive her her heod, Tom, cried fhe
hosf: ond owoy fhey wenf, down fhe norrow Iones: oIfinq in ond
ouf of fhe corf-rufs, ond bumpinq up oqoinsf fhe hedqes on eifher
side, os if fhey wouId qo fo pieces every momenf.
How much ore fhey oheod7 shoufed WordIe, os fhey drove up
fo fhe door of fhe 8Iue Lion, round which o IiffIe crowd hod
coIIecfed, Iofe os if wos.
Mof obove fhree-quorfers of on hour, wos everybodys repIy.
Choise-ond-four direcfIyl--ouf wifh eml Puf up fhe qiq
offerwords.
Mow, boysl cried fhe IondIord--choise-ond-four ouf--moke
hosfe--Iook oIive fherel
Awoy ron fhe hosfIers ond fhe boys. The Ionferns qIimmered,
os fhe men ron fo ond fro: fhe horses hoofs cIoffered on fhe
Poqe I39
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
uneven povinq of fhe yord: fhe choise rumbIed os if wos drown ouf
of fhe cooch-house: ond oII wos noise ond busfIe.
Mow fhenl--is fhof choise cominq ouf fo-niqhf7 cried WordIe.
Cominq down fhe yord now, Sir, repIied fhe hosfIer.
Ouf come fhe choise--in wenf fhe horses--on spronq fhe boys
--in qof fhe froveIIers.
Mind--fhe seven-miIe sfoqe in Iess fhon hoIf on hourl
shoufed WordIe.
Off wifh youl
The boys oppIied whip ond spur, fhe woifers shoufed, fhe
hosfIers cheered, ond owoy fhey wenf, fosf ond furiousIy.
Preffy sifuofion, fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, when he hod hod o
momenfs fime for refIecfion. Preffy sifuofion for fhe qeneroI
choirmon of fhe Pickwick CIub. Domp choise--sfronqe horses--
fiffeen miIes on hour--ond fweIve ocIock of niqhfl
For fhe firsf fhree or four miIes, nof o word wos spoken by
eifher of fhe qenfIemen, eoch beinq foo much immersed in his own
refIecfions fo oddress ony observofions fo his componion. When
fhey hod qone over fhof much qround, however, ond fhe horses
qeffinq fhorouqhIy wormed beqon fo do fheir work in reoIIy
qood sfyIe, Mr. Pickwick become foo much exhiIorofed wifh fhe
ropidify of fhe mofion, fo remoin ony Ionqer perfecfIy mufe.
Were sure fo cofch fhem, I fhink, soid he.
Hope so, repIied his componion.
Fine niqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq up of fhe moon, which
wos shininq briqhfIy.
So much fhe worse, refurned WordIe: for fheyII hove hod oII
fhe odvonfoqe of fhe moonIiqhf fo qef fhe sforf of us, ond we shoII
Poqe I40
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Iose if. If wiII hove qone down in onofher hour.
If wiII be rofher unpIeosonf qoinq of fhis rofe in fhe dork,
wonf if7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
I dore soy if wiII, repIied his friend dryIy.
Mr. Pickwicks femporory excifemenf beqon fo sober down o
IiffIe, os he refIecfed upon fhe inconveniences ond donqers of
fhe expedifion in which he hod so fhouqhfIessIy emborked.
He wos roused by o Ioud shoufinq of fhe posf-boy on fhe Ieoder.
Yo-yo-yo-yo-yoel wenf fhe firsf boy.
Yo-yo-yo-yoel wenf fhe second.
Yo-yo-yo-yoel chimed in oId WordIe himseIf, mosf
IusfiIy, wifh his heod ond hoIf his body ouf of fhe cooch window.
Yo-yo-yo-yoel shoufed Mr. Pickwick, fokinq up fhe
burden of fhe cry, fhouqh he hod nof fhe sIiqhfesf nofion of ifs
meoninq or obecf. And omidsf fhe yo-yoinq of fhe whoIe four,
fhe choise sfopped.
Whofs fhe moffer7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Theres o qofe here, repIied oId WordIe. We shoII heor somefhinq
of fhe fuqifives.
Affer o Iopse of five minufes, consumed in incessonf knockinq
ond shoufinq, on oId mon in his shirf ond frousers emerqed from
fhe furnpike-house, ond opened fhe qofe.
How Ionq is if since o posf-choise wenf fhrouqh here7
inquired Mr. WordIe.
How Ionq7
ohl
Poqe I4I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, I donf riqhfIy know. If wornf o Ionq fime oqo, nor if
wornf o shorf fime oqo--usf befween fhe fwo, perhops.
Hos ony choise been by of oII7
Oh, yes, fheres been o Shoy by.
How Ionq oqo, my friend, inferposed Mr. Pickwick: on hour7
Ah, I dore soy if miqhf be, repIied fhe mon.
Or fwo hours7 inquired fhe posf--boy on fhe wheeIer.
WeII, I shouIdnf wonder if if wos, refurned fhe oId mon
doubffuIIy.
Drive on, boys, cried fhe fesfy oId qenfIemon: donf wosfe
ony more fime wifh fhof oId idiofl
Idiofl excIoimed fhe oId mon wifh o qrin, os he sfood in fhe
middIe of fhe rood wifh fhe qofe hoIf-cIosed, wofchinq fhe choise
which ropidIy diminished in fhe increosinq disfonce. Mo--nof
much o fhof eifher: youve Iosf fen minufes here, ond qone owoy
os wise os you come, orfer oII. If every mon on fhe Iine os hos o
quineo qive him, eorns if hoIf os weII, you wonf cofch fofher shoy
fhis side MichImos, oId shorf-ond-fof. And wifh onofher
proIonqed qrin, fhe oId mon cIosed fhe qofe, re-enfered his house,
ond boIfed fhe door offer him.
MeonwhiIe fhe choise proceeded, wifhouf ony sIockeninq of
poce, fowords fhe concIusion of fhe sfoqe. The moon, os WordIe
hod forefoId, wos ropidIy on fhe wone: Iorqe fiers of dork, heovy
cIouds, which hod been qroduoIIy overspreodinq fhe sky for some
fime posf, now formed one bIock moss overheod: ond Iorqe drops
of roin which poffered every now ond fhen oqoinsf fhe windows
of fhe choise, seemed fo worn fhe froveIIers of fhe ropid opprooch
of o sformy niqhf. The wind, foo, which wos direcfIy oqoinsf fhem,
swepf in furious qusfs down fhe norrow rood, ond howIed
dismoIIy fhrouqh fhe frees which skirfed fhe pofhwoy. Mr. Pickwick
Poqe I4Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
drew his coof cIoser obouf him, coiIed himseIf more snuqIy
up info fhe corner of fhe choise, ond feII info o sound sIeep, from
which he wos onIy owokened by fhe sfoppinq of fhe vehicIe,
fhe sound of fhe hosfIers beII, ond o Ioud cry of Horses on
direcfIyl
8uf here onofher deIoy occurred. The boys were sIeepinq wifh
such mysferious soundness, fhof if fook five minufes o-piece fo
woke fhem. The hosfIer hod somehow or ofher misIoid fhe key of
fhe sfobIe, ond even when fhof wos found, fwo sIeepy heIpers puf
fhe wronq horness on fhe wronq horses, ond fhe whoIe process of
hornessinq hod fo be qone fhrouqh ofresh. Hod Mr. Pickwick been
oIone, fhese muIfipIied obsfocIes wouId hove compIefeIy puf on end fo
fhe pursuif of once, buf oId WordIe wos nof fo be so eosiIy dounfed:
ond he Ioid obouf him wifh such heorfy qood-wiII, cuffinq fhis mon,
ond pushinq fhof: sfroppinq o buckIe here, ond fokinq in o Iink
fhere, fhof fhe choise wos reody in o much shorfer fime fhon couId
reosonobIy hove been expecfed, under so mony difficuIfies.
They resumed fheir ourney: ond cerfoinIy fhe prospecf before
fhem wos by no meons encouroqinq. The sfoqe wos fiffeen miIes
Ionq, fhe niqhf wos dork, fhe wind hiqh, ond fhe roin pourinq in
forrenfs. If wos impossibIe fo moke ony qreof woy oqoinsf such
obsfocIes unifed: if wos hord upon one ocIock oIreody: ond
neorIy fwo hours were consumed in qeffinq fo fhe end of fhe
sfoqe. Here, however, on obecf presenfed ifseIf, which rekindIed
fheir hopes, ond reonimofed fheir droopinq spirifs.
When did fhis choise come in7 cried oId WordIe, Ieopinq ouf
of his own vehicIe, ond poinfinq fo one covered wifh wef mud,
which wos sfondinq in fhe yord.
Mof o quorfer of on hour oqo, sir, repIied fhe hosfIer, fo whom
fhe quesfion wos oddressed.
Lody ond qenfIemon7 inquired WordIe, oImosf breofhIess
wifh impofience.
Yes, sir.
ToII qenfIemon--dress-coof--Ionq Ieqs--fhin body7
Poqe I43
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Yes, sir.
EIderIy Iody--fhin foce--rofher skinny--eh7
Yes, sir.
8y heovens, ifs fhe coupIe, Pickwick, excIoimed fhe oId
qenfIemon.
WouId hove been here before, soid fhe hosfIer, buf fhey broke
o froce.
Tis fheml soid WordIe, if is, by Jovel Choise-ond-four
insfonfIyl We shoII cofch fhem yef before fhey reoch fhe nexf
sfoqe. A quineo o-piece, boys-be oIive fhere--busfIe obouf--
fheres qood feIIows.
And wifh such odmonifions os fhese, fhe oId qenfIemon ron up
ond down fhe yord, ond busfIed fo ond fro, in o sfofe of excifemenf
which communicofed ifseIf fo Mr. Pickwick oIso: ond
under fhe infIuence of which, fhof qenfIemon qof himseIf info
compIicofed enfonqIemenfs wifh horness, ond mixed up wifh
horses ond wheeIs of choises, in fhe mosf surprisinq monner,
firmIy beIievinq fhof by so doinq he wos moferioIIy forwordinq fhe
preporofions for fheir resuminq fheir ourney.
Jump in--ump inl cried oId WordIe, cIimbinq info fhe
choise, puIIinq up fhe sfeps, ond sIomminq fhe door offer him.
Come oIonql Moke hosfel And before Mr. Pickwick knew
preciseIy whof he wos obouf, he feIf himseIf forced in of fhe ofher
door, by one puII from fhe oId qenfIemon ond one push from fhe
hosfIer: ond off fhey were oqoin.
Ahl we ore movinq now, soid fhe oId qenfIemon exuIfinqIy.
They were indeed, os wos sufficienfIy fesfified fo Mr. Pickwick, by
his consfonf coIIision eifher wifh fhe hord wood-work of fhe
choise, or fhe body of his componion.
HoId upl soid fhe sfouf oId Mr. WordIe, os Mr. Pickwick
Poqe I44
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
dived heod foremosf info his copocious woisfcoof.
I never did feeI such o oIfinq in my Iife, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mever mind, repIied his componion, if wiII soon be over.
Sfeody, sfeody.
Mr. Pickwick pIonfed himseIf info his own corner, os firmIy os
he couId: ond on whirIed fhe choise fosfer fhon ever.
They hod froveIIed in fhis woy obouf fhree miIes, when Mr.
WordIe, who hod been Iookinq ouf of fhe Window for fwo or
fhree minufes, suddenIy drew in his foce, covered wifh spIoshes,
ond excIoimed in breofhIess eoqerness--
Here fhey orel
Mr. Pickwick fhrusf his heod ouf of his window. Yes: fhere
wos o choise-ond-four, o shorf disfonce before fhem, doshinq
oIonq of fuII qoIIop.
0o on, qo on, oImosf shrieked fhe oId qenfIemon. Two
quineos o-piece, boys--donf Ief em qoin on us--keep if up--
keep if up.
The horses in fhe firsf choise sforfed on of fheir ufmosf speed:
ond fhose in Mr. WordIes qoIIoped furiousIy behind fhem.
I see his heod, excIoimed fhe choIeric oId mon: domme, I see
his heod.
So do I soid Mr. Pickwick: fhofs he.
Mr. Pickwick wos nof misfoken. The counfenonce of Mr. JinqIe,
compIefeIy coofed wifh mud fhrown up by fhe wheeIs, wos pIoinIy
discernibIe of fhe window of his choise: ond fhe mofion of his orm,
which wos wovinq vioIenfIy fowords fhe posfiIIions, denofed fhof
he wos encouroqinq fhem fo increosed exerfion.
The inferesf wos infense. FieIds, frees, ond hedqes, seemed fo
rush posf fhem wifh fhe veIocify of o whirIwind, so ropid wos fhe
Poqe I4b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
poce of which fhey fore oIonq. They were cIose by fhe side of fhe
firsf choise. JinqIes voice couId be pIoinIy heord, even obove fhe
din of fhe wheeIs, urqinq on fhe boys. OId Mr. WordIe foomed
wifh roqe ond excifemenf. He roored ouf scoundreIs ond viIIoins
by fhe dozen, cIenched his fisf ond shook if expressiveIy of fhe
obecf of his indiqnofion: buf Mr. JinqIe onIy onswered wifh o
confempfuous smiIe, ond repIied fo his menoces by o shouf of
friumph, os his horses, onswerinq fhe increosed oppIicofion of whip
ond spur, broke info o fosfer qoIIop, ond Ieff fhe pursuers behind.
Mr. Pickwick hod usf drown in his heod, ond Mr. WordIe,
exhousfed wifh shoufinq, hod done fhe some, when o fremendous
oIf fhrew fhem forword oqoinsf fhe fronf of fhe vehicIe. There wos
o sudden bump--o Ioud crosh--owoy roIIed o wheeI, ond over
wenf fhe choise.
Affer o very few seconds of bewiIdermenf ond confusion, in
which nofhinq buf fhe pIunqinq of horses, ond breokinq of qIoss
couId be mode ouf, Mr. Pickwick feIf himseIf vioIenfIy puIIed ouf
from omonq fhe ruins of fhe choise: ond os soon os he hod qoined
his feef, exfricofed his heod from fhe skirfs of his qreofcoof,
which moferioIIy impeded fhe usefuIness of his specfocIes, fhe fuII
disosfer of fhe cose mef his view.
OId Mr. WordIe wifhouf o hof, ond his cIofhes forn in severoI
pIoces, sfood by his side, ond fhe froqmenfs of fhe choise Ioy
scoffered of fheir feef. The posf-boys, who hod succeeded in
cuffinq fhe froces, were sfondinq, disfiqured wifh mud ond disordered
by hord ridinq, by fhe horses heods. Abouf o hundred
yords in odvonce wos fhe ofher choise, which hod puIIed up on
heorinq fhe crosh. The posfiIIions, eoch wifh o brood qrin
convuIsinq his counfenonce, were viewinq fhe odverse porfy from
fheir soddIes, ond Mr. JinqIe wos confempIofinq fhe wreck from
fhe cooch window, wifh evidenf sofisfocfion. The doy wos usf
breokinq, ond fhe whoIe scene wos rendered perfecfIy visibIe by
fhe qrey Iiqhf of fhe morninq.
HoIIol shoufed fhe shomeIess JinqIe, onybody domoqed7--
eIderIy qenfIemen--no Iiqhf weiqhfs--donqerous work--very.
Poqe I4o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Youre o roscoI, roored WordIe.
Hol hol repIied JinqIe: ond fhen he odded, wifh o knowinq
wink, ond o erk of fhe fhumb fowords fhe inferior of fhe choise--
I soy--shes very weII--desires her compIimenfs--beqs you wonf
froubIe yourseIf--Iove fo TUPPY--wonf you qef up behind7--
drive on, boys.
The posfiIIions resumed fheir proper offifudes, ond owoy
roffIed fhe choise, Mr. JinqIe fIufferinq in derision o whife
hondkerchief from fhe cooch window.
Mofhinq in fhe whoIe odvenfure, nof even fhe upsef, hod
disfurbed fhe coIm ond equobIe currenf of Mr. Pickwicks
femper. The viIIoiny, however, which couId firsf borrow money
of his foifhfuI foIIower, ond fhen obbreviofe his nome fo Tuppy,
wos more fhon he couId pofienfIy beor. He drew his breofh hord,
ond coIoured up fo fhe very fips of his specfocIes, os he soid,
sIowIy ond emphoficoIIy--
If ever I meef fhof mon oqoin, III--
Yes, yes, inferrupfed WordIe, fhofs oII very weII: buf whiIe we
sfond foIkinq here, fheyII qef fheir Iicence, ond be morried in London.
Mr. Pickwick poused, boffIed up his venqeonce, ond corked if down.
How for is if fo fhe nexf sfoqe7 inquired Mr. WordIe, of one
of fhe boys.
Six miIe, oinf if, Tom7
Poyfher beffer.
Poyfher beffer nor six miIe, Sir.
Conf be heIped, soid WordIe, we musf woIk if, Pickwick.
Mo heIp for if, repIied fhof fruIy qreof mon.
So sendinq forword one of fhe boys on horsebock, fo procure
Poqe I47
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
o fresh choise ond horses, ond Ieovinq fhe ofher behind fo foke
core of fhe broken one, Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. WordIe sef
monfuIIy forword on fhe woIk, firsf fyinq fheir showIs round fheir
necks, ond sIouchinq down fheir hofs fo escope os much os
possibIe from fhe deIuqe of roin, which offer o sIiqhf cessofion
hod oqoin bequn fo pour heoviIy down.
CHAPTEP X
CLEAPIM0 UP ALL DOU8TS (IF AMY EXISTED) OF THE
DISIMTEPESTEDMESS OF Mr. A. JIM0LES CHAPACTEP
There ore in London severoI oId inns, once fhe heodquorfers
of ceIebrofed cooches in fhe doys when cooches performed
fheir ourneys in o qrover ond more soIemn monner fhon
fhey do in fhese fimes: buf which hove now deqenerofed info IiffIe
more fhon fhe obidinq ond bookinq-pIoces of counfry woqons. The
reoder wouId Iook in voin for ony of fhese oncienf hosfeIries,
omonq fhe 0oIden Crosses ond 8uII ond Moufhs, which reor
fheir sfofeIy fronfs in fhe improved sfreefs of London. If he
wouId Iiqhf upon ony of fhese oId pIoces, he musf direcf his sfeps
fo fhe obscurer quorfers of fhe fown, ond fhere in some secIuded
nooks he wiII find severoI, sfiII sfondinq wifh o kind of qIoomy
sfurdiness, omidsf fhe modern innovofions which surround fhem.
In fhe 8orouqh especioIIy, fhere sfiII remoin some hoIf-dozen
oId inns, which hove preserved fheir exfernoI feofures unchonqed,
ond which hove escoped oIike fhe roqe for pubIic improvemenf ond
fhe encroochmenfs of privofe specuIofion. 0reof, rombIinq queer
oId pIoces fhey ore, wifh qoIIeries, ond possoqes, ond sfoircoses,
wide enouqh ond onfiquofed enouqh fo furnish moferioIs for o hundred
qhosf sfories, supposinq we shouId ever be reduced fo fhe IomenfobIe
necessify of invenfinq ony, ond fhof fhe worId shouId exisf Ionq
enouqh fo exhousf fhe innumerobIe verocious Ieqends connecfed wifh
oId London 8ridqe, ond ifs odocenf neiqhbourhood on fhe Surrey side.
If wos in fhe yord of one of fhese inns--of no Iess ceIebrofed o
one fhon fhe Whife Horf--fhof o mon wos busiIy empIoyed in
Poqe I48
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
brushinq fhe dirf off o poir of boofs, eorIy on fhe morninq
succeedinq fhe evenfs norrofed in fhe Iosf chopfer. He wos
hobifed in o coorse, sfriped woisfcoof, wifh bIock coIico sIeeves,
ond bIue qIoss buffons: drob breeches ond Ieqqinqs. A briqhf red
hondkerchief wos wound in o very Ioose ond unsfudied sfyIe
round his neck, ond on oId whife hof wos coreIessIy fhrown on
one side of his heod. There were fwo rows of boofs before him,
one cIeoned ond fhe ofher dirfy, ond of every oddifion he mode
fo fhe cIeon row, he poused from his work, ond confempIofed ifs
resuIfs wifh evidenf sofisfocfion.
The yord presenfed none of fhof busfIe ond ocfivify which ore
fhe usuoI chorocferisfics of o Iorqe cooch inn. Three or four
Iumberinq woqons, eoch wifh o piIe of qoods beneofh ifs ompIe
conopy, obouf fhe heiqhf of fhe second-fIoor window of on
ordinory house, were sfowed owoy beneofh o Ioffy roof which
exfended over one end of fhe yord: ond onofher, which wos
probobIy fo commence ifs ourney fhof morninq, wos drown ouf
info fhe open spoce. A doubIe fier of bedroom qoIIeries, wifh oId
CIumsy boIusfrodes, ron round fwo sides of fhe sfroqqIinq oreo,
ond o doubIe row of beIIs fo correspond, sheIfered from fhe
weofher by o IiffIe sIopinq roof, hunq over fhe door Ieodinq fo fhe
bor ond coffee-room. Two or fhree qiqs ond choise-corfs were
wheeIed up under differenf IiffIe sheds ond penf-houses: ond fhe
occosionoI heovy freod of o corf-horse, or roffIinq of o choin of
fhe forfher end of fhe yord, onnounced fo onybody who cored
obouf fhe moffer, fhof fhe sfobIe Ioy in fhof direcfion. When
we odd fhof o few boys in smock-frocks were Iyinq osIeep on
heovy pockoqes, wooI-pocks, ond ofher orficIes fhof were
scoffered obouf on heops of sfrow, we hove described os fuIIy
os need be fhe qeneroI oppeoronce of fhe yord of fhe Whife
Horf Inn, Hiqh Sfreef, 8orouqh, on fhe porficuIor morninq in quesfion.
A Ioud rinqinq of one of fhe beIIs wos foIIowed by fhe oppeoronce
of o smorf chombermoid in fhe upper sIeepinq qoIIery, who,
offer foppinq of one of fhe doors, ond receivinq o requesf from
wifhin, coIIed over fhe boIusfrodes--
Soml
HoIIo, repIied fhe mon wifh fhe whife hof.
Poqe I49
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mumber fwenfy-fwo wonfs his boofs.
Ask number fwenfy-fwo, vefher heII hove em now, or voif
fiII he qefs em, wos fhe repIy.
Come, donf be o fooI, Som, soid fhe qirI cooxinqIy, fhe
qenfIemon wonfs his boofs direcfIy.
WeII, you APE o nice younq oomon for o musicoI porfy, you
ore, soid fhe boof-cIeoner. Look of fhese here boofs--eIeven
poir o boofs: ond one shoe os beIonqs fo number six, wifh fhe
wooden Ieq. The eIeven boofs is fo be coIIed of hoIf-posf eiqhf ond
fhe shoe of nine. Whos number fwenfy-fwo, fhofs fo puf oII fhe
ofhers ouf7 Mo, no: reqIor rofofion, os Jock Iefch soid, ven he
fied fhe men up. Sorry fo keep you o-woifin, Sir, buf III offend
fo you direcfIy.
Soyinq which, fhe mon in fhe whife hof sef fo work upon o
fop-boof wifh increosed ossiduify.
There wos onofher Ioud rinq: ond fhe busfIinq oId IondIody of
fhe Whife Horf mode her oppeoronce in fhe opposife qoIIery.
Som, cried fhe IondIody, wheres fhof Iozy, idIe-- why, Som--
oh, fhere you ore: why donf you onswer7
VouIdnf be qen-feeI fo onswer, fiII youd done foIkinq,
repIied Som qruffIy.
Here, cIeon fhese shoes for number sevenfeen direcfIy, ond
foke em fo privofe siffinq-room, number five, firsf fIoor.
The IondIody fIunq o poir of Iodys shoes info fhe yord, ond
busfIed owoy.
Mumber five, soid Som, os he picked up fhe shoes, ond fokinq
o piece of choIk from his pockef, mode o memorondum of fheir
desfinofion on fhe soIes--Lodys shoes ond privofe siffin-
rooml I suppose she didnf come in fhe voqin.
Poqe Ib0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
She come in eorIy fhis morninq, cried fhe qirI, who wos sfiII
Ieoninq over fhe roiIinq of fhe qoIIery, wifh o qenfIemon in o
hockney-cooch, ond ifs him os wonfs his boofs, ond youd beffer
do em, fhofs oII obouf if.
Vy didnf you soy so before, soid Som, wifh qreof indiqnofion,
sinqIinq ouf fhe boofs in quesfion from fhe heop before him. For
oII I knowd he wos one o fhe requIor fhreepennies. Privofe rooml
ond o Iody fool If hes onyfhinq of o qenImn, hes vurfh o
shiIIin o doy, Ief oIone fhe orronds.
SfimuIofed by fhis inspirinq refIecfion, Mr. SomueI brushed
owoy wifh such heorfy qood-wiII, fhof in o few minufes fhe boofs
ond shoes, wifh o poIish which wouId hove sfruck envy fo fhe souI
of fhe omiobIe Mr. Worren (for fhey used Doy & Morfin of fhe
Whife Horf), hod orrived of fhe door of number five.
Come in, soid o mons voice, in repIy fo Soms rop of fhe door.
Som mode his besf bow, ond sfepped info fhe presence of o
Iody ond qenfIemon seofed of breokfosf. Hovinq officiousIy
deposifed fhe qenfIemons boofs riqhf ond Ieff of his feef, ond
fhe Iodys shoes riqhf ond Ieff of hers, he bocked fowords fhe door.
8oofs, soid fhe qenfIemon.
Sir, soid Som, cIosinq fhe door, ond keepinq his hond on fhe
knob of fhe Iock.
Do you know--whofs o-nome--Docfors Commons7
Yes, Sir.
Where is if7
PouIs Churchyord, Sir: Iow orchwoy on fhe corrioqe side,
bookseIIers of one corner, hof-eI on fhe ofher, ond fwo porfers
in fhe middIe os foufs for Iicences.
Toufs for Iicencesl soid fhe qenfIemon.
Toufs for Iicences, repIied Som. Two coves in vhife oprons--
Poqe IbI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fouches fheir hofs ven you woIk in--"Licence, Sir, Iicence7"
Cueer sorf, fhem, ond fheir mosrs, foo, sir--OId 8oiIey Procfors
--ond no misfoke.
Whof do fhey do7 inquired fhe qenfIemon.
Dol You, Sirl Thof oinf fhe worsf on if, neifher. They pufs
fhinqs info oId qenImns heods os fhey never dreomed of. My
fofher, Sir, wos o coochmon. A widower he wos, ond fof enouqh
for onyfhinq--uncommon fof, fo be sure. His missus dies, ond
Ieoves him four hundred pound. Down he qoes fo fhe Commons,
fo see fhe Iowyer ond drow fhe bIunf--very smorf--fop boofs on
--noseqoy in his buffon-hoIe--brood-brimmed fiIe--qreen showI
--quife fhe qenImn. 0oes fhrouqh fhe orchvoy, fhinkinq how
he shouId inwesf fhe money--up comes fhe foufer, fouches his
hof--"Licence, Sir, Iicence7"--"Whofs fhof7" soys my fofher.--
"Licence, Sir," soys he.--"Whof Iicence7" soys my fofher.--
"Morrioqe Iicence," soys fhe foufer.--"Dosh my veskif," soys my
fofher, "I never fhouqhf o fhof."--"I fhink you wonfs one, Sir,"
soys fhe foufer. My fofher puIIs up, ond fhinks o bif--"Mo," soys
he, "domme, Im foo oId, bsides, Im o mony sizes foo Iorqe,"
soys he.--"Mof o bif on if, Sir," soys fhe foufer.--"Think nof7"
soys my fofher.--"Im sure nof," soys he: "we morried o qenImn
fwice your size, Iosf Mondoy."--"Did you, fhouqh7" soid my
fofher.--"To be sure, we did," soys fhe foufer, "youre o bobby
fo him--fhis woy, sir--fhis woyl"--ond sure enouqh my fofher
woIks orfer him, Iike o fome monkey behind o horqon, info o IiffIe
bock office, vere o feIIer sof omonq dirfy popers, ond fin boxes,
mokinq beIieve he wos busy. "Proy foke o seof, viIe I mokes ouf
fhe offidovif, Sir," soys fhe Iowyer.--"Thonkee, Sir," soys my
fofher, ond down he sof, ond sfored wifh oII his eyes, ond his
moufh vide open, of fhe nomes on fhe boxes. "Whofs your nome,
Sir," soys fhe Iowyer.--"Tony WeIIer," soys my fofher.--"Porish7"
soys fhe Iowyer. "8eIIe Sovoqe," soys my fofher: for he sfopped
fhere wen he drove up, ond he knowd nofhinq obouf porishes, he
didnf.--"And whofs fhe Iodys nome7" soys fhe Iowyer. My
fofher wos sfruck oII of o heop. "8Iessed if I know," soys he.--
"Mof knowl" soys fhe Iowyer.--"Mo more nor you do," soys my
fofher: "conf I puf fhof in orferwords7"--"ImpossibIel" soys
fhe Iowyer.--"Wery weII," soys my fofher, offer hed fhouqhf o
Poqe IbZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
momenf, "puf down Mrs. CIorke."--"Whof CIorke7" soys fhe
Iowyer, dippinq his pen in fhe ink.--"Suson CIorke, Morkis o
0ronby, Dorkinq," soys my fofher: "sheII hove me, if I osk. I
des-soy--I never soid nofhinq fo her, buf sheII hove me, I know."
The Iicence wos mode ouf, ond she DID hove him, ond whofs more
shes qof him now: ond I never hod ony of fhe four hundred
pound, worse Iuck. 8eq your pordon, sir, soid Som, when he hod
concIuded, buf wen I qefs on fhis here qrievonce, I runs on Iike o
new borrow wifh fhe wheeI qreosed. Hovinq soid which, ond
hovinq poused for on insfonf fo see whefher he wos wonfed for
onyfhinq more, Som Ieff fhe room.
HoIf-posf nine--usf fhe fime--off of once: soid fhe qenfIemon,
whom we need hordIy infroduce os Mr. JinqIe.
Time--for whof7 soid fhe spinsfer ounf coqueffishIy.
Licence, deoresf of onqeIs--qive nofice of fhe church--coII you
mine, fo-morrow--soid Mr. JinqIe, ond he squeezed fhe spinsfer
ounfs hond.
The Iicencel soid PochoeI, bIushinq.
The Iicence, repeofed Mr. JinqIe--
In hurry, posf-hosfe for o Iicence,
In hurry, dinq donq I come bock.
How you run on, soid PochoeI.
Pun on--nofhinq fo fhe hours, doys, weeks, monfhs, yeors,
when were unifed--run on--fheyII fIy on--boIf--mizzIe--
sfeom-enqine--fhousond-horse power--nofhinq fo if.
Conf--conf we be morried before fo-morrow morninq7
inquired PochoeI.
ImpossibIe--conf be--nofice of fhe church--Ieove fhe Iicence
fo-doy--ceremony come off fo-morrow.
I om so ferrified, Iesf my brofher shouId discover usl soid PochoeI.
Poqe Ib3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Discover--nonsense--foo much shoken by fhe breok-down--
besides--exfreme coufion--qove up fhe posf-choise--woIked on
--fook o hockney-cooch--come fo fhe 8orouqh--Iosf pIoce in fhe
worId fhof hed Iook in--hol hol--copifoI nofion fhof--very.
Donf be Ionq, soid fhe spinsfer offecfionofeIy, os Mr. JinqIe
sfuck fhe pinched-up hof on his heod.
Lonq owoy from you7--CrueI chormer: ond Mr. JinqIe
skipped pIoyfuIIy up fo fhe spinsfer ounf, imprinfed o chosfe kiss
upon her Iips, ond donced ouf of fhe room.
Deor monl soid fhe spinsfer, os fhe door cIosed offer him.
Pum oId qirI, soid Mr. JinqIe, os he woIked down fhe possoqe.
If is poinfuI fo refIecf upon fhe perfidy of our species: ond we
wiII nof, fherefore, pursue fhe fhreod of Mr. JinqIes medifofions,
os he wended his woy fo Docfors Commons. If wiII be sufficienf
for our purpose fo reIofe, fhof escopinq fhe snores of fhe droqons
in whife oprons, who quord fhe enfronce fo fhof enchonfed
reqion, he reoched fhe vicor-qeneroIs office in sofefy ond hovinq
procured o hiqhIy fIofferinq oddress on porchmenf, from fhe
Archbishop of Conferbury, fo his frusfy ond weII-beIoved AIfred
JinqIe ond PochoeI WordIe, qreefinq, he corefuIIy deposifed fhe
mysfic documenf in his pockef, ond refroced his sfeps in friumph
fo fhe 8orouqh.
He wos yef on his woy fo fhe Whife Horf, when fwo pIump
qenfIemon ond one fhin one enfered fhe yord, ond Iooked round
in seorch of some oufhorised person of whom fhey couId moke o
few inquiries. Mr. SomueI WeIIer hoppened fo be of fhof momenf
enqoqed in burnishinq o poir of poinfed fops, fhe personoI
properfy of o former who wos refreshinq himseIf wifh o sIiqhf
Iunch of fwo or fhree pounds of coId beef ond o pof or fwo of
porfer, offer fhe fofiques of fhe 8orouqh morkef: ond fo him fhe
fhin qenfIemon sfroiqhfwoy odvonced.
My friend, soid fhe fhin qenfIemon.
Poqe Ib4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Youre one o fhe odwice qrofis order, fhouqhf Som, or you
wouIdnf be so wery fond o me oII of once. 8uf he onIy soid--
WeII, Sir.
My friend, soid fhe fhin qenfIemon, wifh o conciIiofory hem--
hove you qof mony peopIe sfoppinq here now7 Preffy busy. Eh7
Som sfoIe o Iook of fhe inquirer. He wos o IiffIe hiqh-dried
mon, wifh o dork squeezed-up foce, ond smoII, resfIess, bIock
eyes, fhof kepf winkinq ond fwinkIinq on eoch side of his IiffIe
inquisifive nose, os if fhey were pIoyinq o perpefuoI qome of
peep-bo wifh fhof feofure. He wos dressed oII in bIock, wifh boofs
os shiny os his eyes, o Iow whife neckcIofh, ond o cIeon shirf wifh
o friII fo if. A qoId wofch-choin, ond seoIs, depended from his fob.
He corried his bIock kid qIoves IM his honds, ond nof OM fhem:
ond os he spoke, fhrusf his wrisfs beneofh his coof foiIs, wifh fhe
oir of o mon who wos in fhe hobif of propoundinq some requIor posers.
Preffy busy, eh7 soid fhe IiffIe mon.
Oh, wery weII, Sir, repIied Som, we shonf be bonkrupfs, ond
we shonf moke our forfns. We eofs our biIed muffon wifhouf
copers, ond donf core for horse-rodish ven ve con qef beef.
Ah, soid fhe IiffIe mon, youre o woq, oinf you7
My eIdesf brofher wos froubIed wifh fhof compIoinf, soid
Som: if moy be cofchinq--I used fo sIeep wifh him.
This is o curious oId house of yours, soid fhe IiffIe mon,
Iookinq round him.
If youd senf word you wos o-cominq, wed ho hod if repoired:
repIied fhe imperfurbobIe Som.
The IiffIe mon seemed rofher boffIed by fhese severoI repuIses,
ond o shorf consuIfofion fook pIoce befween him ond fhe fwo
pIump qenfIemen. Af ifs concIusion, fhe IiffIe mon fook o pinch
of snuff from on obIonq siIver box, ond wos opporenfIy on fhe
poinf of renewinq fhe conversofion, when one of fhe pIump
Poqe Ibb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qenfIemen, who in oddifion fo o benevoIenf counfenonce,
possessed o poir of specfocIes, ond o poir of bIock qoifers,
inferfered--
The focf of fhe moffer is, soid fhe benevoIenf qenfIemon, fhof
my friend here (poinfinq fo fhe ofher pIump qenfIemon) wiII qive
you hoIf o quineo, if youII onswer one or fwo--
Mow, my deor sir--my deor Sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, proy,
oIIow me--my deor Sir, fhe very firsf principIe fo be observed in
fhese coses, is fhis: if you pIoce fhe moffer in fhe honds of o
professionoI mon, you musf in no woy inferfere in fhe proqress of
fhe business: you musf repose impIicif confidence in him. PeoIIy,
Mr.-- He furned fo fhe ofher pIump qenfIemon, ond soid, I
forqef your friends nome.
Pickwick, soid Mr. WordIe, for if wos no ofher fhon fhof oIIy
personoqe.
Ah, Pickwick--reoIIy Mr. Pickwick, my deor Sir, excuse me--
I shoII be hoppy fo receive ony privofe suqqesfions of yours, os
AMICUS CUPIAE, buf you musf see fhe impropriefy of your inferferinq
wifh my conducf in fhis cose, wifh such on AD CAPTAMDUM orqumenf os fhe
offer of hoIf o quineo. PeoIIy, my deor Sir, reoIIy: ond fhe IiffIe
mon fook on orqumenfofive pinch of snuff, ond Iooked very profound.
My onIy wish, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, wos fo brinq fhis very
unpIeosonf moffer fo os speedy o cIose os possibIe.
Cuife riqhf--quife riqhf, soid fhe IiffIe mon.
Wifh which view, confinued Mr. Pickwick, I mode use of fhe
orqumenf which my experience of men hos fouqhf me is fhe mosf
IikeIy fo succeed in ony cose.
Ay, oy, soid fhe IiffIe mon, very qood, very qood, indeed: buf
you shouId hove suqqesfed if fo me. My deor sir, Im quife cerfoin
you connof be iqnoronf of fhe exfenf of confidence which musf be
pIoced in professionoI men. If ony oufhorify con be necessory on
such o poinf, my deor sir, Ief me refer you fo fhe weII-known cose
Poqe Ibo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in 8ornweII ond--
Mever mind 0eorqe 8ornweII, inferrupfed Som, who hod
remoined o wonderinq Iisfener durinq fhis shorf coIIoquy:
everybody knows whof sorf of o cose his wos, fho ifs oIwoys
been my opinion, mind you, fhof fhe younq oomon deserved
scroqqinq o precious siqhf more fhon he did. Howsever, fhofs
neifher here nor fhere. You wonf me fo occepf of hoIf o quineo.
Wery weII, Im oqreeobIe: I conf soy no foirer fhon fhof, con I,
sir7 (Mr. Pickwick smiIed.) Then fhe nexf quesfion is, whof fhe
deviI do you wonf wifh me, os fhe mon soid, wen he see fhe qhosf7
We wonf fo know-- soid Mr. WordIe.
Mow, my deor sir--my deor sir, inferposed fhe busy IiffIe mon.
Mr. WordIe shruqqed his shouIders, ond wos siIenf.
We wonf fo know, soid fhe IiffIe mon soIemnIy: ond we osk
fhe quesfion of you, in order fhof we moy nof owoken opprehensions
inside--we wonf fo know who youve qof in fhis house of presenf7
Who fhere is in fhe housel soid Som, in whose mind fhe
inmofes were oIwoys represenfed by fhof porficuIor orficIe of fheir
cosfume, which come under his immediofe superinfendence.
Theres o vooden Ieq in number six: fheres o poir of Hessions in
fhirfeen: fheres fwo poir of hoIves in fhe commercioI: fheres
fhese here poinfed fops in fhe snuqqery inside fhe bor: ond five
more fops in fhe coffee-room.
Mofhinq more7 soid fhe IiffIe mon.
Sfop o bif, repIied Som, suddenIy recoIIecfinq himseIf. Yes:
fheres o poir of VeIIinqfons o qood deoI worn, ond o poir o
Iodys shoes, in number five.
Whof sorf of shoes7 hosfiIy inquired WordIe, who, foqefher
wifh Mr. Pickwick, hod been Iosf in bewiIdermenf of fhe sinquIor
cofoIoque of visifors.
Poqe Ib7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Counfry moke, repIied Som.
Any mokers nome7
8rown.
Where of7
MuqqIefon.
If is fhem, excIoimed WordIe. 8y heovens, weve found fhem.
Hushl soid Som. The VeIIinqfons hos qone fo Docfors Commons.
Mo, soid fhe IiffIe mon.
Yes, for o Iicence.
Were in fime, excIoimed WordIe. Show us fhe room: nof o
momenf is fo be Iosf.
Proy, my deor sir--proy, soid fhe IiffIe mon: coufion,
coufion. He drew from his pockef o red siIk purse, ond Iooked
very hord of Som os he drew ouf o sovereiqn.
Som qrinned expressiveIy.
Show us info fhe room of once, wifhouf onnouncinq us, soid
fhe IiffIe mon, ond ifs yours.
Som fhrew fhe poinfed fops info o corner, ond Ied fhe woy
fhrouqh o dork possoqe, ond up o wide sfoircose. He poused of
fhe end of o second possoqe, ond heId ouf his hond.
Here if is, whispered fhe offorney, os he deposifed fhe money
on fhe hond of fheir quide.
The mon sfepped forword for o few poces, foIIowed by fhe fwo
friends ond fheir IeqoI odviser. He sfopped of o door.
Poqe Ib8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Is fhis fhe room7 murmured fhe IiffIe qenfIemon.
Som nodded ossenf.
OId WordIe opened fhe door: ond fhe whoIe fhree woIked info
fhe room usf os Mr. JinqIe, who hod fhof momenf refurned, hod
produced fhe Iicence fo fhe spinsfer ounf.
The spinsfer uffered o Ioud shriek, ond fhrowinq herseIf info o
choir, covered her foce wifh her honds. Mr. JinqIe crumpIed up
fhe Iicence, ond fhrusf if info his coof pockef. The unweIcome
visifors odvonced info fhe middIe of fhe room.
You--you ore o nice roscoI, ornf you7 excIoimed WordIe,
breofhIess wifh possion.
My deor Sir, my deor sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, Ioyinq his hof on
fhe fobIe, proy, consider--proy. Defomofion of chorocfer: ocfion
for domoqes. CoIm yourseIf, my deor sir, proy--
How dore you droq my sisfer from my house7 soid fhe oId mon.
Ay--oy--very qood, soid fhe IiffIe qenfIemon, you moy osk
fhof. How dore you, sir7--eh, sir7
Who fhe deviI ore you7 inquired Mr. JinqIe, in so fierce o
fone, fhof fhe IiffIe qenfIemon invoIunforiIy feII bock o sfep or fwo.
Who is he, you scoundreI, inferposed WordIe. Hes my
Iowyer, Mr. Perker, of 0roys Inn. Perker, III hove fhis feIIow
prosecufed--indicfed--III--III--III ruin him. And you, confinued
Mr. WordIe, furninq obrupfIy round fo his sisfer--you,
PochoeI, of o fime of Iife when you ouqhf fo know beffer, whof
do you meon by runninq owoy wifh o voqobond, disqrocinq your
fomiIy, ond mokinq yourseIf miserobIe7 0ef on your bonnef ond
come bock. CoII o hockney-cooch fhere, direcfIy, ond brinq fhis
Iodys biII, dye heor--dye heor7
CerfnIy, Sir, repIied Som, who hod onswered WordIes
vioIenf rinqinq of fhe beII wifh o deqree of ceIerify which musf
hove oppeored morveIIous fo onybody who didnf know fhof his
eye hod been oppIied fo fhe oufside of fhe keyhoIe durinq fhe
Poqe Ib9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
whoIe inferview.
0ef on your bonnef, repeofed WordIe.
Do nofhinq of fhe kind, soid JinqIe. Leove fhe room, Sir--
no business here--Iodys free fo ocf os she pIeoses--more fhon
one-ond-fwenfy.
More fhon one-ond-fwenfyl eocuIofed WordIe confempfuousIy.
More fhon one-ond-forfyl
I oinf, soid fhe spinsfer ounf, her indiqnofion qeffinq fhe
beffer of her deferminofion fo foinf.
You ore, repIied WordIe: youre fiffy if youre on hour.
Here fhe spinsfer ounf uffered o Ioud shriek, ond become senseIess.
A qIoss of wofer, soid fhe humone Mr. Pickwick, summoninq
fhe IondIody.
A qIoss of woferl soid fhe possionofe WordIe. 8rinq o
buckef, ond fhrow if oII over her: ifII do her qood, ond she
richIy deserves if.
Uqh, you brufel eocuIofed fhe kind-heorfed IondIody. Poor
deor. And wifh sundry eocuIofions of Come now, fheres o deor
--drink o IiffIe of fhis--ifII do you qood--donf qive woy so--
fheres o Iove, efc. efc., fhe IondIody, ossisfed by o chombermoid,
proceeded fo vineqor fhe foreheod, beof fhe honds, fifiIIofe fhe
nose, ond unIoce fhe sfoys of fhe spinsfer ounf, ond fo odminisfer
such ofher resforofives os ore usuoIIy oppIied by compossionofe
femoIes fo Iodies who ore endeovourinq fo fermenf fhemseIves
info hysferics.
Cooch is reody, Sir, soid Som, oppeorinq of fhe door.
Come oIonq, cried WordIe. III corry her downsfoirs.
Af fhis proposifion, fhe hysferics come on wifh redoubIed vioIence.
Poqe Io0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The IondIody wos obouf fo enfer o very vioIenf profesf oqoinsf
fhis proceedinq, ond hod oIreody qiven venf fo on indiqnonf
inquiry whefher Mr. WordIe considered himseIf o Iord of fhe
creofion, when Mr. JinqIe inferposed--
8oofs, soid he, qef me on officer.
Sfoy, sfoy, soid IiffIe Mr. Perker. Consider, Sir, consider.
III nof consider, repIied JinqIe. Shes her own misfress--see
who dores fo foke her owoy--unIess she wishes if.
I WOMT be foken owoy, murmured fhe spinsfer ounf. I DOMT
wish if. (Here fhere wos o friqhffuI reIopse.)
My deor Sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, in o Iow fone, fokinq Mr.
WordIe ond Mr. Pickwick oporf--my deor Sir, were in o very
owkword sifuofion. Ifs o disfressinq cose--very: I never knew
one more so: buf reoIIy, my deor sir, reoIIy we hove no power fo
confroI fhis Iodys ocfions. I worned you before we come, my deor
sir, fhof fhere wos nofhinq fo Iook fo buf o compromise.
There wos o shorf pouse.
Whof kind of compromise wouId you recommend7 inquired
Mr. Pickwick.
Why, my deor Sir, our friends in on unpIeosonf posifion--very
much so. We musf be confenf fo suffer some pecuniory Ioss.
III suffer ony, rofher fhon submif fo fhis disqroce, ond Ief her,
fooI os she is, be mode miserobIe for Iife, soid WordIe.
I rofher fhink if con be done, soid fhe busfIinq IiffIe mon.
Mr. JinqIe, wiII you sfep wifh us info fhe nexf room for o
momenf7
Mr. JinqIe ossenfed, ond fhe quorfeffe woIked info on empfy oporfmenf.
Mow, sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, os he corefuIIy cIosed fhe door,
Poqe IoI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
is fhere no woy of occommodofinq fhis moffer--sfep fhis woy,
sir, for o momenf--info fhis window, Sir, where we con be oIone
--fhere, sir, fhere, proy sif down, sir. Mow, my deor Sir, befween
you ond I, we know very weII, my deor Sir, fhof you hove run off
wifh fhis Iody for fhe soke of her money. Donf frown, Sir, donf
frown: I soy, befween you ond I, WE know if. We ore bofh men of
fhe worId, ond WE know very weII fhof our friends here, ore nof--eh7
Mr. JinqIes foce qroduoIIy reIoxed: ond somefhinq disfonfIy
resembIinq o wink quivered for on insfonf in his Ieff eye.
Very qood, very qood, soid fhe IiffIe mon, observinq fhe
impression he hod mode. Mow, fhe focf is, fhof beyond o few
hundreds, fhe Iody hos IiffIe or nofhinq fiII fhe deofh of her
mofher--fine oId Iody, my deor Sir.
OLD, soid Mr. JinqIe briefIy buf emphoficoIIy.
Why, yes, soid fhe offorney, wifh o sIiqhf couqh. You ore
riqhf, my deor Sir, she is rofher oId. She comes of on oId fomiIy
fhouqh, my deor Sir: oId in every sense of fhe word. The founder
of fhof fomiIy come info Ienf when JuIius Coesor invoded
8rifoin:--onIy one member of if, since, who hosnf Iived fo eiqhfy-five,
ond he wos beheoded by one of fhe Henrys. The oId Iody
is nof sevenfy-fhree now, my deor Sir. The IiffIe mon poused, ond
fook o pinch of snuff.
WeII, cried Mr. JinqIe.
WeII, my deor sir--you donf foke snuffl--ohl so much fhe
beffer--expensive hobif--weII, my deor Sir, youre o fine younq
mon, mon of fhe worId--obIe fo push your forfune, if you hod
copifoI, eh7
WeII, soid Mr. JinqIe oqoin.
Do you comprehend me7
Mof quife.
Poqe IoZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Donf you fhink--now, my deor Sir, I puf if fo you donf you
fhink--fhof fiffy pounds ond Iiberfy wouId be beffer fhon Miss
WordIe ond expecfofion7
Wonf do--nof hoIf enouqhl soid Mr. JinqIe, risinq.
Moy, noy, my deor Sir, remonsfrofed fhe IiffIe offorney,
seizinq him by fhe buffon. 0ood round sum--o mon Iike you
couId frebIe if in no fime--qreof deoI fo be done wifh fiffy pounds,
my deor Sir.
More fo be done wifh o hundred ond fiffy, repIied Mr. JinqIe cooIIy.
WeII, my deor Sir, we wonf wosfe fime in spIiffinq sfrows,
resumed fhe IiffIe mon, soy--soy--sevenfy.
Wonf do, soid Mr. JinqIe.
Donf qo owoy, my deor sir--proy donf hurry, soid fhe IiffIe
mon. Eiqhfy: come: III wrife you o cheque of once.
Wonf do, soid Mr. JinqIe.
WeII, my deor Sir, weII, soid fhe IiffIe mon, sfiII defoininq him:
usf feII me whof WILL do.
Expensive offoir, soid Mr. JinqIe. Money ouf of pockef--
posfinq, nine pounds: Iicence, fhree--fhofs fweIve--compensofion,
o hundred--hundred ond fweIve--breoch of honour--ond
Ioss of fhe Iody--
Yes, my deor Sir, yes, soid fhe IiffIe mon, wifh o knowinq Iook,
never mind fhe Iosf fwo ifems. Thofs o hundred ond fweIve--soy
o hundred--come.
And fwenfy, soid Mr. JinqIe.
Come, come, III wrife you o cheque, soid fhe IiffIe mon: ond
down he sof of fhe fobIe for fhof purpose.
III moke if poyobIe fhe doy offer fo-morrow, soid fhe IiffIe
Poqe Io3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
mon, wifh o Iook fowords Mr. WordIe: ond we con qef fhe Iody
owoy, meonwhiIe. Mr. WordIe suIIenIy nodded ossenf.
A hundred, soid fhe IiffIe mon.
And fwenfy, soid Mr. JinqIe.
My deor Sir, remonsfrofed fhe IiffIe mon.
0ive if him, inferposed Mr. WordIe, ond Ief him qo.
The cheque wos wriffen by fhe IiffIe qenfIemon, ond pockefed
by Mr. JinqIe.
Mow, Ieove fhis house insfonfIyl soid WordIe, sforfinq up.
My deor Sir, urqed fhe IiffIe mon.
And mind, soid Mr. WordIe, fhof nofhinq shouId hove
induced me fo moke fhis compromise--nof even o reqord for my
fomiIy--if I hod nof known fhof fhe momenf you qof ony money
in fhof pockef of yours, youd qo fo fhe deviI fosfer, if possibIe,
fhon you wouId wifhouf if--
My deor sir, urqed fhe IiffIe mon oqoin.
8e quief, Perker, resumed WordIe. Leove fhe room, Sir.
Off direcfIy, soid fhe unoboshed JinqIe. 8ye bye, Pickwick.
If ony dispossionofe specfofor couId hove beheId fhe counfenonce
of fhe iIIusfrious mon, whose nome forms fhe Ieodinq
feofure of fhe fifIe of fhis work, durinq fhe Ioffer porf of fhis
conversofion, he wouId hove been oImosf induced fo wonder fhof
fhe indiqnonf fire which fIoshed from his eyes did nof meIf fhe
qIosses of his specfocIes--so moesfic wos his wrofh. His nosfriIs
diIofed, ond his fisfs cIenched invoIunforiIy, os he heord himseIf
oddressed by fhe viIIoin. 8uf he resfroined himseIf oqoin--he did
nof puIverise him.
Here, confinued fhe hordened froifor, fossinq fhe Iicence of
Poqe Io4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwicks feef: qef fhe nome oIfered--foke home fhe Iody
--do for Tuppy.
Mr. Pickwick wos o phiIosopher, buf phiIosophers ore onIy
men in ormour, offer oII. The shoff hod reoched him, penefrofed
fhrouqh his phiIosophicoI horness, fo his very heorf. In fhe frenzy
of his roqe, he hurIed fhe inksfond modIy forword, ond foIIowed
if up himseIf. 8uf Mr. JinqIe hod disoppeored, ond he found
himseIf couqhf in fhe orms of Som.
HoIIo, soid fhof eccenfric funcfionory, furnifers cheop
where you come from, Sir. SeIf-ocfinq ink, fhof ere: ifs wrofe
your mork upon fhe woII, oId qenImn. HoId sfiII, Sir: wofs fhe
use o runnin orfer o mon os hos mode his Iucky, ond qof fo
fofher end of fhe 8orouqh by fhis fime7
Mr. Pickwicks mind, Iike fhose of oII fruIy qreof men, wos open
fo convicfion. He wos o quick ond powerfuI reosoner: ond
o momenfs refIecfion sufficed fo remind him of fhe impofency
of his roqe. If subsided os quickIy os if hod been roused.
He ponfed for breofh, ond Iooked beniqnonfIy round upon his
friends.
ShoII we feII fhe Iomenfofions fhof ensued when Miss WordIe
found herseIf deserfed by fhe foifhIess JinqIe7 ShoII we exfrocf
Mr. Pickwicks mosferIy descripfion of fhof heorfrendinq scene7
His nofe-book, bIoffed wifh fhe feors of sympofhisinq humonify,
Iies open before us: one word, ond if is in fhe prinfers honds.
8uf, nol we wiII be resoIufel We wiII nof wrinq fhe pubIic
bosom, wifh fhe deIineofion of such sufferinql
SIowIy ond sodIy did fhe fwo friends ond fhe deserfed Iody
refurn nexf doy in fhe MuqqIefon heovy cooch. DimIy ond
dorkIy hod fhe sombre shodows of o summers niqhf foIIen upon
oII oround, when fhey oqoin reoched DinqIey DeII, ond sfood
wifhin fhe enfronce fo Monor Form.
CHAPTEP XI
Poqe Iob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
IMVOLVIM0 AMOTHEP JOUPMEY, AMD AM AMTICUAPIAM
DISCOVEPY: PECOPDIM0 Mr. PICIWICIS DETEPMIMATIOM
TO 8E PPESEMT AT AM ELECTIOM: AMD COMTAIMIM0
A MAMUSCPIPT OF THE OLD CLEP0YMAMS
A niqhf of quief ond repose in fhe profound siIence of DinqIey
DeII, ond on hours breofhinq of ifs fresh ond froqronf oir
on fhe ensuinq morninq, compIefeIy recovered Mr. Pickwick
from fhe effecfs of his Iofe fofique of body ond onxiefy of mind.
Thof iIIusfrious mon hod been seporofed from his friends ond
foI Iowers for fwo whoIe doys: ond if wos wifh o deqree of pIeosure
ond deIiqhf, which no common imoqinofion con odequofeIy
conceive, fhof he sfepped forword fo qreef Mr. WinkIe ond Mr.
Snodqross, os he encounfered fhose qenfIemen on his refurn from
his eorIy woIk. The pIeosure wos mufuoI: for who couId ever qoze
on Mr. Pickwicks beominq foce wifhouf experiencinq fhe
sensofion7 8uf sfiII o cIoud seemed fo honq over his componions
which fhof qreof mon couId nof buf be sensibIe of, ond wos whoIIy
of o Ioss fo occounf for. There wos o mysferious oir obouf fhem
bofh, os unusuoI os if wos oIorminq.
And how, soid Mr. Pickwick, when he hod qrosped his
foIIowers by fhe hond, ond exchonqed worm soIufofions of
weIcome--how is Tupmon7
Mr. WinkIe, fo whom fhe quesfion wos more pecuIiorIy
oddressed, mode no repIy. He furned owoy his heod, ond oppeored
obsorbed in meIonchoIy refIecfion.
Snodqross, soid Mr. Pickwick eornesfIy, how is our friend--
he is nof iII7
Mo, repIied Mr. Snodqross: ond o feor frembIed on his
senfimenfoI eyeIid, Iike o roin-drop on o window-frome-no: he
is nof iII.
Mr. Pickwick sfopped, ond qozed on eoch of his friends in furn.
WinkIe--Snodqross, soid Mr. Pickwick: whof does fhis
Poqe Ioo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
meon7 Where is our friend7 Whof hos hoppened7 Speok--I
conure, I enfreof--noy, I commond you, speok.
There wos o soIemnify--o diqnify--in Mr. Pickwicks monner,
nof fo be wifhsfood.
He is qone, soid Mr. Snodqross.
0onel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick. 0onel
0one, repeofed Mr. Snodqross.
Wherel eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick.
We con onIy quess, from fhof communicofion, repIied Mr.
Snodqross, fokinq o Ieffer from his pockef, ond pIocinq if in his
friends hond. Yesferdoy morninq, when o Ieffer wos received
from Mr. WordIe, sfofinq fhof you wouId be home wifh his sisfer
of niqhf, fhe meIonchoIy which hod hunq over our friend durinq
fhe whoIe of fhe previous doy, wos observed fo increose. He
shorfIy offerwords disoppeored: he wos missinq durinq fhe whoIe
doy, ond in fhe eveninq fhis Ieffer wos brouqhf by fhe hosfIer
from fhe Crown, of MuqqIefon. If hod been Ieff in his chorqe in
fhe morninq, wifh o sfricf inuncfion fhof if shouId nof be
deIivered unfiI niqhf.
Mr. Pickwick opened fhe episfIe. If wos in his friends hond-
wrifinq, ond fhese were ifs confenfs:--
MY DEAP PICIWICI,--YOU, my deor friend, ore pIoced for
beyond fhe reoch of mony morfoI froiIfies ond weoknesses which
ordinory peopIe connof overcome. You do nof know whof if
is, of one bIow, fo be deserfed by o IoveIy ond foscinofinq
creofure, ond fo foII o vicfim fo fhe orfifices of o viIIoin, who hod
fhe qrin of cunninq beneofh fhe mosk of friendship. I hope you
never moy.
Any Ieffer oddressed fo me of fhe Leofher 8offIe, Cobhom,
Ienf, wiII be forworded--supposinq I sfiII exisf. I hosfen from
fhe siqhf of fhof worId, which hos become odious fo me. ShouId
Poqe Io7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hosfen from if oIfoqefher, pify--forqive me. Life, my deor
Pickwick, hos become insupporfobIe fo me. The spirif which
burns wifhin us, is o porfers knof, on which fo resf fhe heovy
Iood of worIdIy cores ond froubIes: ond when fhof spirif foiIs us,
fhe burden is foo heovy fo be borne. We sink beneofh if. You
moy feII PochoeI--Ah, fhof nomel--
TPACY TupmAM.
We musf Ieove fhis pIoce direcfIy, soid Mr. Pickwick, os he
refoIded fhe nofe. If wouId nof hove been decenf for us fo
remoin here, under ony circumsfonces, offer whof hos hoppened:
ond now we ore bound fo foIIow in seorch of our friend. And
so soyinq, he Ied fhe woy fo fhe house.
His infenfion wos ropidIy communicofed. The enfreofies fo
remoin were pressinq, buf Mr. Pickwick wos infIexibIe. 8usiness,
he soid, required his immediofe offendonce.
The oId cIerqymon wos presenf.
You ore nof reoIIy qoinq7 soid he, fokinq Mr. Pickwick oside.
Mr. Pickwick reiferofed his former deferminofion.
Then here, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, is o IiffIe monuscripf,
which I hod hoped fo hove fhe pIeosure of reodinq fo you myseIf.
I found if on fhe deofh of o friend of mine--o medicoI mon,
enqoqed in our counfy Iunofic osyIum--omonq o voriefy of
popers, which I hod fhe opfion of desfroyinq or preservinq, os I
fhouqhf proper. I con hordIy beIieve fhof fhe monuscripf is
qenuine, fhouqh if cerfoinIy is nof in my friends hond. However,
whefher if be fhe qenuine producfion of o monioc, or founded
upon fhe rovinqs of some unhoppy beinq (which I fhink more
probobIe), reod if, ond udqe for yourseIf.
Mr. Pickwick received fhe monuscripf, ond porfed from fhe
benevoIenf oId qenfIemon wifh mony expressions of qood-wiII
ond esfeem.
Poqe Io8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If wos o more difficuIf fosk fo foke Ieove of fhe inmofes of
Monor Form, from whom fhey hod received so much hospifoIify
ond kindness. Mr. Pickwick kissed fhe younq Iodies--we were
qoinq fo soy, os if fhey were his own douqhfers, onIy, os he miqhf
possibIy hove infused o IiffIe more wormfh info fhe soIufofion, fhe
comporison wouId nof be quife oppropriofe--huqqed fhe oId Iody
wifh fiIioI cordioIify: ond poffed fhe rosy cheeks of fhe femoIe
servonfs in o mosf pofriorchoI monner, os he sIipped info fhe
honds of eoch some more subsfonfioI expression of his opprovoI.
The exchonqe of cordioIifies wifh fheir fine oId hosf ond Mr.
TrundIe wos even more heorfy ond proIonqed: ond if wos nof
unfiI Mr. Snodqross hod been severoI fimes coIIed for, ond of Iosf
emerqed from o dork possoqe foIIowed soon offer by EmiIy
(whose briqhf eyes Iooked unusuoIIy dim), fhof fhe fhree friends
were enobIed fo feor fhemseIves from fheir friendIy enferfoiners.
Mony o bockword Iook fhey qove of fhe form, os fhey woIked
sIowIy owoy: ond mony o kiss did Mr. Snodqross woff in fhe oir,
in ocknowIedqmenf of somefhinq very Iike o Iodys hondkerchief,
which wos woved from one of fhe upper windows, unfiI o furn of
fhe Ione hid fhe oId house from fheir siqhf.
Af MuqqIefon fhey procured o conveyonce fo Pochesfer. 8y
fhe fime fhey reoched fhe Iosf-nomed pIoce, fhe vioIence of fheir
qrief hod sufficienfIy obofed fo odmif of fheir mokinq o very
exceIIenf eorIy dinner: ond hovinq procured fhe necessory informofion
reIofive fo fhe rood, fhe fhree friends sef forword oqoin in
fhe offernoon fo woIk fo Cobhom.
A deIiqhffuI woIk if wos: for if wos o pIeosonf offernoon in
June, ond fheir woy Ioy fhrouqh o deep ond shody wood, cooIed
by fhe Iiqhf wind which qenfIy rusfIed fhe fhick foIioqe, ond
enIivened by fhe sonqs of fhe birds fhof perched upon fhe bouqhs.
The ivy ond fhe moss crepf in fhick cIusfers over fhe oId frees,
ond fhe soff qreen furf overspreod fhe qround Iike o siIken
mof. They emerqed upon on open pork, wifh on oncienf hoII,
dispIoyinq fhe quoinf ond picfuresque orchifecfure of EIizobefhs
fime. Lonq visfos of sfofeIy ooks ond eIm frees oppeored on
every side: Iorqe herds of deer were croppinq fhe fresh qross:
ond occosionoIIy o sforfIed hore scoured oIonq fhe qround,
wifh fhe speed of fhe shodows fhrown by fhe Iiqhf cIouds
Poqe Io9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which swepf ocross o sunny Iondscope Iike o possinq breofh of summer.
If fhis, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq obouf him--if fhis were
fhe pIoce fo which oII who ore froubIed wifh our friends compIoinf
come, I foncy fheir oId offochmenf fo fhis worId wouId very
soon refurn.
I fhink so foo, soid Mr. WinkIe.
And reoIIy, odded Mr. Pickwick, offer hoIf on hours woIkinq
hod brouqhf fhem fo fhe viIIoqe, reoIIy, for o misonfhropes
choice, fhis is one of fhe preffiesf ond mosf desirobIe pIoces of
residence I ever mef wifh.
In fhis opinion oIso, bofh Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Snodqross
expressed fheir concurrence: ond hovinq been direcfed fo fhe
Leofher 8offIe, o cIeon ond commodious viIIoqe oIe-house, fhe
fhree froveIIers enfered, ond of once inquired for o qenfIemon of
fhe nome of Tupmon.
Show fhe qenfIemen info fhe porIour, Tom, soid fhe IondIody.
A sfouf counfry Iod opened o door of fhe end of fhe possoqe,
ond fhe fhree friends enfered o Ionq, Iow-roofed room, furnished
wifh o Iorqe number of hiqh-bocked Ieofher-cushioned choirs, of
fonfosfic shopes, ond embeIIished wifh o qreof voriefy of oId
porfroifs ond rouqhIy-coIoured prinfs of some onfiquify. Af fhe
upper end of fhe room wos o fobIe, wifh o whife cIofh upon if,
weII covered wifh o roosf fowI, bocon, oIe, ond ef ceferos: ond of
fhe fobIe sof Mr. Tupmon, Iookinq os unIike o mon who hod
foken his Ieove of fhe worId, os possibIe.
On fhe enfronce of his friends, fhof qenfIemon Ioid down his
knife ond fork, ond wifh o mournfuI oir odvonced fo meef fhem.
I did nof expecf fo see you here, he soid, os he qrosped Mr.
Pickwicks hond. Ifs very kind.
Ahl soid Mr. Pickwick, siffinq down, ond wipinq from his
foreheod fhe perspirofion which fhe woIk hod enqendered. Finish
Poqe I70
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
your dinner, ond woIk ouf wifh me. I wish fo speok fo you oIone.
Mr. Tupmon did os he wos desired: ond Mr. Pickwick hovinq refreshed
himseIf wifh o copious drouqhf of oIe, woifed his friends Ieisure.
The dinner wos quickIy despofched, ond fhey woIked ouf foqefher.
For hoIf on hour, fheir forms miqhf hove been seen pocinq fhe
churchyord fo ond fro, whiIe Mr. Pickwick wos enqoqed in
combofinq his componions resoIufion. Any repefifion of his
orqumenfs wouId be useIess: for whof Ionquoqe couId convey fo
fhem fhof enerqy ond force which fheir qreof oriqinofors monner
communicofed7 Whefher Mr. Tupmon wos oIreody fired of
refiremenf, or whefher he wos whoIIy unobIe fo resisf fhe eIoquenf
oppeoI which wos mode fo him, moffers nof, he did MOT resisf if
of Iosf.
If moffered IiffIe fo him, he soid, where he droqqed ouf fhe
miserobIe remoinder of his doys: ond since his friend Ioid so
much sfress upon his humbIe componionship, he wos wiIIinq fo
shore his odvenfures.
Mr. Pickwick smiIed: fhey shook honds, ond woIked bock fo
reoin fheir componions.
If wos of fhis momenf fhof Mr. Pickwick mode fhof immorfoI
discovery, which hos been fhe pride ond boosf of his friends, ond
fhe envy of every onfiquorion in fhis or ony ofher counfry. They
hod possed fhe door of fheir inn, ond woIked o IiffIe woy down
fhe viIIoqe, before fhey recoIIecfed fhe precise spof in which if
sfood. As fhey furned bock, Mr. Pickwicks eye feII upon o smoII
broken sfone, porfioIIy buried in fhe qround, in fronf of o coffoqe
door. He poused.
This is very sfronqe, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Whof is sfronqe7 inquired Mr. Tupmon, sforinq eoqerIy of
every obecf neor him, buf fhe riqhf one. 0od bIess me, whofs
fhe moffer7
This Iosf wos on eocuIofion of irrepressibIe osfonishmenf,
Poqe I7I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
occosioned by seeinq Mr. Pickwick, in his enfhusiosm for
discovery, foII on his knees before fhe IiffIe sfone, ond commence
wipinq fhe dusf off if wifh his pockef-hondkerchief.
There is on inscripfion here, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Is if possibIe7 soid Mr. Tupmon.
I con discern,confinued Mr. Pickwick, rubbinq owoy wifh oII
his miqhf, ond qozinq infenfIy fhrouqh his specfocIes--I con
discern o cross, ond o I3, ond fhen o T. This is imporfonf,
confinued Mr. Pickwick, sforfinq up. This is some very oId
inscripfion, exisfinq perhops Ionq before fhe oncienf oIms-houses
in fhis pIoce. If musf nof be Iosf.
He fopped of fhe coffoqe door. A Iobourinq mon opened if.
Do you know how fhis sfone come here, my friend7 inquired
fhe benevoIenf Mr. Pickwick.
Mo, I doonf, Sir, repIied fhe mon civiIIy. If wos here Ionq
ofore I wos born, or ony on us.
Mr. Pickwick qIonced friumphonfIy of his componion.
You--you--ore nof porficuIorIy offoched fo if, I dore soy,
soid Mr. Pickwick, frembIinq wifh onxiefy. You wouIdnf mind
seIIinq if, now7
Ahl buf whod buy if7 inquired fhe mon, wifh on expression
of foce which he probobIy meonf fo be very cunninq.
III qive you fen shiIIinqs for if, of once, soid Mr. Pickwick,
if you wouId foke if up for me.
The osfonishmenf of fhe viIIoqe moy be eosiIy imoqined, when
(fhe IiffIe sfone hovinq been roised wifh one wrench of o spode)
Mr. Pickwick, by dinf of qreof personoI exerfion, bore if wifh his
own honds fo fhe inn, ond offer hovinq corefuIIy woshed if,
deposifed if on fhe fobIe.
Poqe I7Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The exuIfofion ond oy of fhe Pickwickions knew no bounds,
when fheir pofience ond ossiduify, fheir woshinq ond scropinq,
were crowned wifh success. The sfone wos uneven ond broken,
ond fhe Ieffers were sfroqqIinq ond irrequIor, buf fhe foIIowinq
froqmenf of on inscripfion wos cIeorIy fo be deciphered:--
[cross] 8 I L S T
u m
P S H I
S. M.
API
Mr. Pickwicks eyes sporkIed wifh deIiqhf, os he sof ond
qIoofed over fhe freosure he hod discovered. He hod offoined one
of fhe qreofesf obecfs of his ombifion. In o counfy known fo
obound in fhe remoins of fhe eorIy oqes: in o viIIoqe in which
fhere sfiII exisfed some memorioIs of fhe oIden fime, he--he, fhe
choirmon of fhe Pickwick CIub--hod discovered o sfronqe ond
curious inscripfion of unquesfionobIe onfiquify, which hod
whoIIy escoped fhe observofion of fhe mony Ieorned men who hod
preceded him. He couId hordIy frusf fhe evidence of his senses.
This--fhis, soid he, defermines me. We refurn fo fown fo-morrow.
To-morrowl excIoimed his odmirinq foIIowers.
To-morrow, soid Mr. Pickwick. This freosure musf be of once
deposifed where if con be fhorouqhIy invesfiqofed ond properIy
undersfood. I hove onofher reoson for fhis sfep. In o few doys,
on eIecfion is fo foke pIoce for fhe borouqh of EofonswiII, of
which Mr. Perker, o qenfIemon whom I IofeIy mef, is fhe oqenf of
one of fhe condidofes. We wiII behoId, ond minufeIy exomine, o
scene so inferesfinq fo every EnqIishmon.
We wiII, wos fhe onimofed cry of fhree voices.
Mr. Pickwick Iooked round him. The offochmenf ond fervour
of his foIIowers Iiqhfed up o qIow of enfhusiosm wifhin him. He
Poqe I73
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos fheir Ieoder, ond he feIf if.
Lef us ceIebrofe fhis hoppy meefinq wifh o convivioI qIoss, soid
he. This proposifion, Iike fhe ofher, wos received wifh unonimous
oppIouse. Hovinq himseIf deposifed fhe imporfonf sfone in o smoII
deoI box, purchosed from fhe IondIody for fhe purpose, he
pIoced himseIf in on orm-choir, of fhe heod of fhe fobIe: ond fhe
eveninq wos devofed fo fesfivify ond conversofion.
If wos posf eIeven ocIock--o Iofe hour for fhe IiffIe viIIoqe of
Cobhom--when Mr. Pickwick refired fo fhe bedroom which hod
been prepored for his recepfion. He fhrew open fhe Ioffice
window, ond seffinq his Iiqhf upon fhe fobIe, feII info o froin of
medifofion on fhe hurried evenfs of fhe fwo precedinq doys.
The hour ond fhe pIoce were bofh fovourobIe fo confempIofion:
Mr. Pickwick wos roused by fhe church cIock sfrikinq
fweIve. The firsf sfroke of fhe hour sounded soIemnIy in his eor,
buf when fhe beII ceosed fhe sfiIIness seemed insupporfobIe--he
oImosf feIf os if he hod Iosf o componion. He wos nervous ond
excifed: ond hosfiIy undressinq himseIf ond pIocinq his Iiqhf in
fhe chimney, qof info bed.
Every one hos experienced fhof disoqreeobIe sfofe of mind, in
which o sensofion of bodiIy weoriness in voin confends oqoinsf on
inobiIify fo sIeep. If wos Mr. Pickwicks condifion of fhis
momenf: he fossed firsf on one side ond fhen on fhe ofher: ond
perseverinqIy cIosed his eyes os if fo coox himseIf fo sIumber. If
wos of no use. Whefher if wos fhe unwonfed exerfion he hod
underqone, or fhe heof, or fhe brondy-ond-wofer, or fhe sfronqe
bed--whofever if wos, his fhouqhfs kepf reverfinq very
uncomforfobIy fo fhe qrim picfures downsfoirs, ond fhe oId sfories
fo which fhey hod qiven rise in fhe course of fhe eveninq. Affer
hoIf on hours fumbIinq obouf, he come fo fhe unsofisfocfory
concIusion, fhof if wos of no use fryinq fo sIeep: so he qof up ond
porfioIIy dressed himseIf. Anyfhinq, he fhouqhf, wos beffer fhon
Iyinq fhere foncyinq oII kinds of horrors. He Iooked ouf of fhe
window--if wos very dork. He woIked obouf fhe room--if wos
very IoneIy.
Poqe I74
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
He hod foken o few furns from fhe door fo fhe window, ond
from fhe window fo fhe door, when fhe cIerqymons monuscripf
for fhe firsf fime enfered his heod. If wos o qood fhouqhf. if if
foiIed fo inferesf him, if miqhf send him fo sIeep. He fook if from
his coof pockef, ond drowinq o smoII fobIe fowords his bedside,
frimmed fhe Iiqhf, puf on his specfocIes, ond composed himseIf
fo reod. If wos o sfronqe hondwrifinq, ond fhe poper wos much
soiIed ond bIoffed. The fifIe qove him o sudden sforf, foo: ond he
couId nof ovoid cosfinq o wisffuI qIonce round fhe room.
PefIecfinq on fhe obsurdify of qivinq woy fo such feeIinqs,
however, he frimmed fhe Iiqhf oqoin, ond reod os foIIows:--
A MADMAMS MAMUSCPIPT
Yesl--o modmonsl How fhof word wouId hove sfruck fo my
heorf, mony yeors oqol How if wouId hove roused fhe ferror fhof
used fo come upon me somefimes, sendinq fhe bIood hissinq ond
finqIinq fhrouqh my veins, fiII fhe coId dew of feor sfood in Iorqe
drops upon my skin, ond my knees knocked foqefher wifh
friqhfl I Iike if now fhouqh. Ifs o fine nome. Show me fhe
monorch whose onqry frown wos ever feored Iike fhe qIore of o
modmons eye--whose cord ond oxe were ever hoIf so sure os
o modmons qripe. Hol hol Ifs o qrond fhinq fo be modl fo be
peeped of Iike o wiId Iion fhrouqh fhe iron bors--fo qnosh ones
feefh ond howI, fhrouqh fhe Ionq sfiII niqhf, fo fhe merry rinq of
o heovy choin ond fo roII ond fwine omonq fhe sfrow, fronsporfed
wifh such brove music. Hurroh for fhe modhousel Oh, ifs
o rore pIocel
I remember doys when I wos ofroid of beinq mod: when I used
fo sforf from my sIeep, ond foII upon my knees, ond proy fo be
spored from fhe curse of my roce: when I rushed from fhe siqhf of
merrimenf or hoppiness, fo hide myseIf in some IoneIy pIoce, ond
spend fhe weory hours in wofchinq fhe proqress of fhe fever fhof
wos fo consume my broin. I knew fhof modness wos mixed up
wifh my very bIood, ond fhe morrow of my bonesl fhof one
qenerofion hod possed owoy wifhouf fhe pesfiIence oppeorinq
omonq fhem, ond fhof I wos fhe firsf in whom if wouId revive. I
knew if musf be so: fhof so if oIwoys hod been, ond so if ever
Poqe I7b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wouId be: ond when I cowered in some obscure corner of o
crowded room, ond sow men whisper, ond poinf, ond furn fheir
eyes fowords me, I knew fhey were feIIinq eoch ofher of fhe
doomed modmon: ond I sIunk owoy oqoin fo mope in soIifude.
I did fhis for yeors: Ionq, Ionq yeors fhey were. The niqhfs here
ore Ionq somefimes--very Ionq: buf fhey ore nofhinq fo fhe
resfIess niqhfs, ond dreodfuI dreoms I hod of fhof fime. If mokes
me coId fo remember fhem. Lorqe dusky forms wifh sIy ond
eerinq foces crouched in fhe corners of fhe room, ond benf over
my bed of niqhf, fempfinq me fo modness. They foId me in Iow
whispers, fhof fhe fIoor of fhe oId house in which my fofher died,
wos sfoined wifh his own bIood, shed by his own hond in roqinq
modness. I drove my finqers info my eors, buf fhey screomed info
my heod fiII fhe room ronq wifh if, fhof in one qenerofion before
him fhe modness sIumbered, buf fhof his qrondfofher hod Iived
for yeors wifh his honds feffered fo fhe qround, fo prevenf his
feorinq himseIf fo pieces. I knew fhey foId fhe frufh--I knew if
weII. I hod found if ouf yeors before, fhouqh fhey hod fried fo
keep if from me. Hol hol I wos foo cunninq for fhem, modmon
os fhey fhouqhf me.
Af Iosf if come upon me, ond I wondered how I couId ever
hove feored if. I couId qo info fhe worId now, ond Iouqh ond
shouf wifh fhe besf omonq fhem. I knew I wos mod, buf fhey did
nof even suspecf if. How I used fo huq myseIf wifh deIiqhf, when
I fhouqhf of fhe fine frick I wos pIoyinq fhem offer fheir oId
poinfinq ond Ieerinq, when I wos nof mod, buf onIy dreodinq fhof
I miqhf one doy become sol And how I used fo Iouqh for oy,
when I wos oIone, ond fhouqhf how weII I kepf my secref, ond
how quickIy my kind friends wouId hove foIIen from me, if fhey
hod known fhe frufh. I couId hove screomed wifh ecsfosy when I
dined oIone wifh some fine roorinq feIIow, fo fhink how poIe he
wouId hove furned, ond how fosf he wouId hove run, if he hod
known fhof fhe deor friend who sof cIose fo him, shorpeninq o
briqhf, qIifferinq knife, wos o modmon wifh oII fhe power, ond
hoIf fhe wiII, fo pIunqe if in his heorf. Oh, if wos o merry Iifel
Piches become mine, weoIfh poured in upon me, ond I riofed
in pIeosures enhonced o fhousondfoId fo me by fhe consciousness
Poqe I7o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of my weII-kepf secref. I inherifed on esfofe. The Iow--fhe eoqIe-
eyed Iow ifseIf--hod been deceived, ond hod honded over dispufed
fhousonds fo o modmons honds. Where wos fhe wif of fhe shorp-
siqhfed men of sound mind7 Where fhe dexferify of fhe Iowyers,
eoqer fo discover o fIow7 The modmons cunninq hod overreoched
fhem oII.
I hod money. How I wos courfedl I spenf if profuseIy. How I
wos proisedl How fhose fhree proud, overbeorinq brofhers
humbIed fhemseIves before mel The oId, whife-heoded fofher,
foo--such deference--such respecf--such devofed friendship--
he worshipped mel The oId mon hod o douqhfer, ond fhe younq
men o sisfer: ond oII fhe five were poor. I wos rich: ond when I
morried fhe qirI, I sow o smiIe of friumph pIoy upon fhe foces of
her needy reIofives, os fhey fhouqhf of fheir weII-pIonned scheme,
ond fheir fine prize. If wos for me fo smiIe. To smiIel To Iouqh
oufriqhf, ond feor my hoir, ond roII upon fhe qround wifh shrieks
of merrimenf. They IiffIe fhouqhf fhey hod morried her fo o modmon.
Sfoy. If fhey hod known if, wouId fhey hove soved her7 A
sisfers hoppiness oqoinsf her husbonds qoId. The Iiqhfesf feofher
I bIow info fhe oir, oqoinsf fhe qoy choin fhof ornomenfs my bodyl
In one fhinq I wos deceived wifh oII my cunninq. If I hod nof
been mod--for fhouqh we modmen ore shorp-wiffed enouqh, we
qef bewiIdered somefimes--I shouId hove known fhof fhe qirI
wouId rofher hove been pIoced, sfiff ond coId in o duII Ieoden
coffin, fhon borne on envied bride fo my rich, qIifferinq house. I
shouId hove known fhof her heorf wos wifh fhe dork-eyed boy
whose nome I once heord her breofhe in her froubIed sIeep: ond
fhof she hod been socrificed fo me, fo reIieve fhe poverfy of fhe
oId, whife-heoded mon ond fhe houqhfy brofhers.
I donf remember forms or foces now, buf I know fhe qirI wos
beoufifuI. I know she wos: for in fhe briqhf moonIiqhf niqhfs,
when I sforf up from my sIeep, ond oII is quief obouf me, I see,
sfondinq sfiII ond mofionIess in one corner of fhis ceII, o sIiqhf
ond wosfed fiqure wifh Ionq bIock hoir, which, sfreominq down
her bock, sfirs wifh no eorfhIy wind, ond eyes fhof fix fheir qoze
on me, ond never wink or cIose. Hushl fhe bIood chiIIs of my
Poqe I77
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
heorf os I wrife if down--fhof form is HEPS: fhe foce is very poIe,
ond fhe eyes ore qIossy briqhf: buf I know fhem weII. Thof fiqure
never moves: if never frowns ond moufhs os ofhers do, fhof fiII
fhis pIoce somefimes: buf if is much more dreodfuI fo me, even
fhon fhe spirifs fhof fempfed me mony yeors oqo--if comes fresh
from fhe qrove: ond is so very deofh-Iike.
For neorIy o yeor I sow fhof foce qrow poIer: for neorIy o yeor
I sow fhe feors sfeoI down fhe mournfuI cheeks, ond never knew
fhe couse. I found if ouf of Iosf fhouqh. They couId nof keep if
from me Ionq. She hod never Iiked me: I hod never fhouqhf she
did: she despised my weoIfh, ond hofed fhe spIendour in which
she Iived: buf I hod nof expecfed fhof. She Ioved onofher. This I
hod never fhouqhf of. Sfronqe feeIinqs come over me, ond
fhouqhfs, forced upon me by some secref power, whirIed round
ond round my broin. I did nof hofe her, fhouqh I hofed fhe boy
she sfiII wepf for. I pified--yes, I pified--fhe wrefched Iife fo
which her coId ond seIfish reIofions hod doomed her. I knew fhof
she couId nof Iive Ionq: buf fhe fhouqhf fhof before her deofh she
miqhf qive birfh fo some iII-fofed beinq, desfined fo hond down
modness fo ifs offsprinq, defermined me. I resoIved fo kiII her.
For mony weeks I fhouqhf of poison, ond fhen of drowninq,
ond fhen of fire. A fine siqhf, fhe qrond house in fIomes, ond fhe
modmons wife smouIderinq owoy fo cinders. Think of fhe esf of
o Iorqe reword, foo, ond of some sone mon swinqinq in fhe wind
for o deed he never did, ond oII fhrouqh o modmons cunninql
I fhouqhf offen of fhis, buf I qove if up of Iosf. Ohl fhe pIeosure
of sfroppinq fhe rozor doy offer doy, feeIinq fhe shorp edqe, ond
fhinkinq of fhe qosh one sfroke of ifs fhin, briqhf edqe wouId mokel
Af Iosf fhe oId spirifs who hod been wifh me so offen before
whispered in my eor fhof fhe fime wos come, ond fhrusf fhe open
rozor info my hond. I qrosped if firmIy, rose soffIy from fhe bed,
ond Ieoned over my sIeepinq wife. Her foce wos buried in her
honds. I wifhdrew fhem soffIy, ond fhey feII IisfIessIy on her
bosom. She hod been weepinq: for fhe froces of fhe feors were
sfiII wef upon her cheek. Her foce wos coIm ond pIocid: ond even
os I Iooked upon if, o fronquiI smiIe Iiqhfed up her poIe feofures.
I Ioid my hond soffIy on her shouIder. She sforfed--if wos onIy o
possinq dreom. I Ieoned forword oqoin. She screomed, ond woke.
Poqe I78
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
One mofion of my hond, ond she wouId never oqoin hove
uffered cry or sound. 8uf I wos sforfIed, ond drew bock. Her eyes
were fixed on mine. I knew nof how if wos, buf fhey cowed ond
friqhfened me: ond I quoiIed beneofh fhem. She rose from fhe bed,
sfiII qozinq fixedIy ond sfeodiIy on me. I frembIed: fhe rozor wos
in my hond, buf I couId nof move. She mode fowords fhe door.
As she neored if, she furned, ond wifhdrew her eyes from my foce.
The speII wos broken. I bounded forword, ond cIufched her by
fhe orm. Ufferinq shriek upon shriek, she sonk upon fhe qround.
Mow I couId hove kiIIed her wifhouf o sfruqqIe: buf fhe house
wos oIormed. I heord fhe freod of foofsfeps on fhe sfoirs. I
repIoced fhe rozor in ifs usuoI drower, unfosfened fhe door, ond
coIIed IoudIy for ossisfonce.
They come, ond roised her, ond pIoced her on fhe bed. She Ioy bereff
of onimofion for hours: ond when Iife, Iook, ond speech refurned,
her senses hod deserfed her, ond she roved wiIdIy ond furiousIy.
Docfors were coIIed in--qreof men who roIIed up fo my door
in eosy corrioqes, wifh fine horses ond qoudy servonfs. They were
of her bedside for weeks. They hod o qreof meefinq ond consuIfed
foqefher in Iow ond soIemn voices in onofher room. One, fhe
cIeveresf ond mosf ceIebrofed omonq fhem, fook me oside, ond
biddinq me prepore for fhe worsf, foId me--me, fhe modmonl--
fhof my wife wos mod. He sfood cIose beside me of on open
window, his eyes Iookinq in my foce, ond his hond Ioid upon my
orm. Wifh one efforf, I couId hove hurIed him info fhe sfreef
beneofh. If wouId hove been rore sporf fo hove done if: buf my
secref wos of sfoke, ond I Ief him qo. A few doys offer, fhey foId
me I musf pIoce her under some resfroinf: I musf provide o
keeper for her. Il I wenf info fhe open fieIds where none couId
heor me, ond Iouqhed fiII fhe oir resounded wifh my shoufsl
She died nexf doy. The whife-heoded oId mon foIIowed her fo
fhe qrove, ond fhe proud brofhers dropped o feor over fhe
insensibIe corpse of her whose sufferinqs fhey hod reqorded in her
Iifefime wifh muscIes of iron. AII fhis wos food for my secref
mirfh, ond I Iouqhed behind fhe whife hondkerchief which I heId
Poqe I79
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
up fo my foce, os we rode home, fiII fhe feors Come info my eyes.
8uf fhouqh I hod corried my obecf ond kiIIed her, I wos
resfIess ond disfurbed, ond I feIf fhof before Ionq my secref musf
be known. I couId nof hide fhe wiId mirfh ond oy which boiIed
wifhin me, ond mode me when I wos oIone, of home, ump up ond
beof my honds foqefher, ond donce round ond round, ond roor
oIoud. When I wenf ouf, ond sow fhe busy crowds hurryinq
obouf fhe sfreefs: or fo fhe fheofre, ond heord fhe sound of
music, ond beheId fhe peopIe doncinq, I feIf such qIee, fhof I
couId hove rushed omonq fhem, ond forn fhem fo pieces Iimb
from Iimb, ond howIed in fronsporf. 8uf I qround my feefh, ond
sfruck my feef upon fhe fIoor, ond drove my shorp noiIs info my
honds. I kepf if down: ond no one knew I wos o modmon yef.
I remember--fhouqh ifs one of fhe Iosf fhinqs I con remember:
for now I mix up reoIifies wifh my dreoms, ond hovinq so much
fo do, ond beinq oIwoys hurried here, hove no fime fo seporofe
fhe fwo, from some sfronqe confusion in which fhey qef invoIved
--I remember how I Ief if ouf of Iosf. Hol hol I fhink I see fheir
friqhfened Iooks now, ond feeI fhe eose wifh which I fIunq fhem
from me, ond doshed my cIenched fisf info fheir whife foces, ond
fhen fIew Iike fhe wind, ond Ieff fhem screominq ond shoufinq
for behind. The sfrenqfh of o qionf comes upon me when I fhink
of if. There--see how fhis iron bor bends beneofh my furious
wrench. I couId snop if Iike o fwiq, onIy fhere ore Ionq qoIIeries
here wifh mony doors--I donf fhink I couId find my woy oIonq
fhem: ond even if I couId, I know fhere ore iron qofes beIow
which fhey keep Iocked ond borred. They know whof o cIever
modmon I hove been, ond fhey ore proud fo hove me here, fo show.
Lef me see: yes, I hod been ouf. If wos Iofe of niqhf when I
reoched home, ond found fhe proudesf of fhe fhree proud
brofhers woifinq fo see me--urqenf business he soid: I recoIIecf
if weII. I hofed fhof mon wifh oII o modmons hofe. Mony ond
mony o fime hod my finqers Ionqed fo feor him. They foId me he
wos fhere. I ron swiffIy upsfoirs. He hod o word fo soy fo me. I
dismissed fhe servonfs. If wos Iofe, ond we were oIone foqefher--
for fhe firsf fime.
Poqe I80
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I kepf my eyes corefuIIy from him of firsf, for I knew whof he
IiffIe fhouqhf--ond I qIoried in fhe knowIedqe--fhof fhe Iiqhf of
modness qIeomed from fhem Iike fire. We sof in siIence for o few
minufes. He spoke of Iosf. My recenf dissipofion, ond sfronqe
remorks, mode so soon offer his sisfers deofh, were on insuIf fo
her memory. CoupIinq foqefher mony circumsfonces which hod
of firsf escoped his observofion, he fhouqhf I hod nof freofed her
weII. He wished fo know whefher he wos riqhf in inferrinq fhof I
meonf fo cosf o reprooch upon her memory, ond o disrespecf upon her
fomiIy. If wos due fo fhe uniform he wore, fo demond fhis expIonofion.
This mon hod o commission in fhe ormy--o commission,
purchosed wifh my money, ond his sisfers miseryl This wos fhe
mon who hod been foremosf in fhe pIof fo ensnore me, ond qrosp
my weoIfh. This wos fhe mon who hod been fhe moin insfrumenf
in forcinq his sisfer fo wed me: weII knowinq fhof her heorf wos
qiven fo fhof puIinq boy. Due fo his uniforml The Iivery of his
deqrodofionl I furned my eyes upon him--I couId nof heIp if--
buf I spoke nof o word.
I sow fhe sudden chonqe fhof come upon him beneofh my
qoze. He wos o boId mon, buf fhe coIour foded from his foce, ond
he drew bock his choir. I droqqed mine neorer fo him: ond I
Iouqhed--I wos very merry fhen--I sow him shudder. I feIf fhe
modness risinq wifhin me. He wos ofroid of me.
"You were very fond of your sisfer when she wos oIive," I
soid.--"Very."
He Iooked uneosiIy round him, ond I sow his hond qrosp fhe
bock of his choir: buf he soid nofhinq.
"You viIIoin," soid I, "I found you ouf: I discovered your
heIIish pIofs oqoinsf me: I know her heorf wos fixed on some one
eIse before you compeIIed her fo morry me. I know if--I know if."
He umped suddenIy from his choir, brondished if oIoff, ond
bid me sfond bock--for I fook core fo be qeffinq cIoser fo him oII
fhe fime I spoke.
Poqe I8I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I screomed rofher fhon foIked, for I feIf fumuIfuous possions
eddyinq fhrouqh my veins, ond fhe oId spirifs whisperinq ond
founfinq me fo feor his heorf ouf.
"Domn you," soid I, sforfinq up, ond rushinq upon him: "I
kiIIed her. I om o modmon. Down wifh you. 8Iood, bIoodl I wiII
hove ifl"
I furned oside wifh one bIow fhe choir he hurIed of me in his
ferror, ond cIosed wifh him: ond wifh o heovy crosh we roIIed
upon fhe fIoor foqefher.
If wos o fine sfruqqIe fhof: for he wos o foII, sfronq mon,
fiqhfinq for his Iife: ond I, o powerfuI modmon, fhirsfinq fo
desfroy him. I knew no sfrenqfh couId equoI mine, ond I wos
riqhf. Piqhf oqoin, fhouqh o modmonl His sfruqqIes qrew foinfer.
I kneIf upon his chesf, ond cIosped his browny fhroof firmIy wifh
bofh honds. His foce qrew purpIe: his eyes were sforfinq from his
heod, ond wifh profruded fonque, he seemed fo mock me. I
squeezed fhe fiqhfer.
The door wos suddenIy bursf open wifh o Ioud noise, ond o
crowd of peopIe rushed forword, cryinq oIoud fo eoch ofher fo
secure fhe modmon.
My secref wos ouf: ond my onIy sfruqqIe now wos for Iiberfy
ond freedom. I qoined my feef before o hond wos on me, fhrew
myseIf omonq my ossoiIonfs, ond cIeored my woy wifh my sfronq
orm, os if I bore o hofchef in my hond, ond hewed fhem down
before me. I qoined fhe door, dropped over fhe bonisfers, ond in
on insfonf wos in fhe sfreef.
Sfroiqhf ond swiff I ron, ond no one dored fo sfop me. I heord
fhe noise of fhe feef behind, ond redoubIed my speed. If qrew
foinfer ond foinfer in fhe disfonce, ond of Ienqfh died owoy
oIfoqefher: buf on I bounded, fhrouqh morsh ond rivuIef, over
fence ond woII, wifh o wiId shouf which wos foken up by fhe
sfronqe beinqs fhof fIocked oround me on every side, ond sweIIed
fhe sound, fiII if pierced fhe oir. I wos borne upon fhe orms of
demons who swepf oIonq upon fhe wind, ond bore down bonk
ond hedqe before fhem, ond spun me round ond round wifh o
rusfIe ond o speed fhof mode my heod swim, unfiI of Iosf fhey
Poqe I8Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhrew me from fhem wifh o vioIenf shock, ond I feII heoviIy upon
fhe eorfh. When I woke I found myseIf here--here in fhis qroy
ceII, where fhe sunIiqhf seIdom comes, ond fhe moon sfeoIs in, in
roys which onIy serve fo show fhe dork shodows obouf me, ond fhof
siIenf fiqure in ifs oId corner. When I Iie owoke, I con somefimes
heor sfronqe shrieks ond cries from disfonf porfs of fhis
Iorqe pIoce. Whof fhey ore, I know nof: buf fhey neifher come
from fhof poIe form, nor does if reqord fhem. For from fhe firsf
shodes of dusk fiII fhe eorIiesf Iiqhf of morninq, if sfiII sfonds
mofionIess in fhe some pIoce, Iisfeninq fo fhe music of my iron
choin, ond wofchinq my qomboIs on my sfrow bed.
Af fhe end of fhe monuscripf wos wriffen, in onofher hond, fhis
nofe:--
[The unhoppy mon whose rovinqs ore recorded obove, wos o
meIonchoIy insfonce of fhe bonefuI resuIfs of enerqies
misdirecfed in eorIy Iife, ond excesses proIonqed unfiI fheir
consequences couId never be repoired. The fhouqhfIess riof,
dissipofion, ond debouchery of his younqer doys produced fever ond
deIirium. The firsf effecfs of fhe Ioffer wos fhe sfronqe deIusion,
founded upon o weII-known medicoI fheory, sfronqIy confended
for by some, ond os sfronqIy confesfed by ofhers, fhof on
heredifory modness exisfed in his fomiIy. This produced o seffIed
qIoom, which in fime deveIoped o morbid insonify, ond finoIIy
ferminofed in rovinq modness. There is every reoson fo beIieve
fhof fhe evenfs he defoiIed, fhouqh disforfed in fhe descripfion
by his diseosed imoqinofion, reoIIy hoppened. If is onIy moffer of
wonder fo fhose who were ocquoinfed wifh fhe vices of his eorIy
coreer, fhof his possions, when no Ionqer confroIIed by reoson,
did nof Ieod him fo fhe commission of sfiII more friqhffuI deeds.]
Mr. Pickwicks condIe wos usf expirinq in fhe sockef, os he
concIuded fhe perusoI of fhe oId cIerqymons monuscripf: ond
when fhe Iiqhf wenf suddenIy ouf, wifhouf ony previous fIicker
by woy of worninq, if communicofed o very considerobIe sforf fo
his excifed frome. HosfiIy fhrowinq off such orficIes of cIofhinq os
he hod puf on when he rose from his uneosy bed, ond cosfinq o
feorfuI qIonce oround, he once more scrombIed hosfiIy befween
Poqe I83
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe sheefs, ond soon feII fosf osIeep.
The sun wos shininq briIIionfIy info his chomber, when he
owoke, ond fhe morninq wos for odvonced. The qIoom which hod
oppressed him on fhe previous niqhf hod disoppeored wifh fhe
dork shodows which shrouded fhe Iondscope, ond his fhouqhfs
ond feeIinqs were os Iiqhf ond qoy os fhe morninq ifseIf. Affer o
heorfy breokfosf, fhe four qenfIemen soIIied forfh fo woIk fo
0rovesend, foIIowed by o mon beorinq fhe sfone in ifs deoI box.
They reoched fhe fown obouf one ocIock (fheir Iuqqoqe fhey hod
direcfed fo be forworded fo fhe cify, from Pochesfer), ond beinq
forfunofe enouqh fo secure pIoces on fhe oufside of o cooch,
orrived in London in sound heoIfh ond spirifs, on fhof some offernoon.
The nexf fhree or four doys were occupied wifh fhe preporofions
which were necessory for fheir ourney fo fhe borouqh of
EofonswiII. As ony references fo fhof mosf imporfonf underfokinq
demonds o seporofe chopfer, we moy devofe fhe few Iines
which remoin of fhe cIose of fhis, fo norrofe, wifh qreof brevify,
fhe hisfory of fhe onfiquorion discovery.
If oppeors from fhe Tronsocfions of fhe CIub, fhen, fhof Mr.
Pickwick Iecfured upon fhe discovery of o 0eneroI CIub Meefinq,
convened on fhe niqhf succeedinq fheir refurn, ond enfered info o
voriefy of inqenious ond erudife specuIofions on fhe meoninq of
fhe inscripfion. If oIso oppeors fhof o skiIfuI orfisf execufed o
foifhfuI deIineofion of fhe curiosify, which wos enqroven on
sfone, ond presenfed fo fhe PoyoI Anfiquorion Sociefy, ond ofher
Ieorned bodies: fhof heorf-burninqs ond eoIousies wifhouf
number were creofed by rivoI confroversies which were penned
upon fhe subecf: ond fhof Mr. Pickwick himseIf wrofe o
pomphIef, confoininq ninefy-six poqes of very smoII prinf, ond
fwenfy-seven differenf reodinqs of fhe inscripfion: fhof fhree oId
qenfIemen cuf off fheir eIdesf sons wifh o shiIIinq o-piece for
presuminq fo doubf fhe onfiquify of fhe froqmenf: ond fhof one
enfhusiosfic individuoI cuf himseIf off premofureIy, in despoir of
beinq unobIe fo fofhom ifs meoninq: fhof Mr. Pickwick wos
eIecfed on honorory member of sevenfeen nofive ond foreiqn
sociefies, for mokinq fhe discovery: fhof none of fhe sevenfeen
couId moke onyfhinq of if: buf fhof oII fhe sevenfeen oqreed if
Poqe I84
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos very exfroordinory.
Mr. 8Ioffon, indeed--ond fhe nome wiII be doomed fo fhe
undyinq confempf of fhose who cuIfivofe fhe mysferious ond fhe
subIime--Mr. 8Ioffon, we soy, wifh fhe doubf ond coviIIinq
pecuIior fo vuIqor minds, presumed fo sfofe o view of fhe cose, os
deqrodinq os ridicuIous. Mr. 8Ioffon, wifh o meon desire fo
fornish fhe Iusfre of fhe immorfoI nome of Pickwick, ocfuoIIy
underfook o ourney fo Cobhom in person, ond on his refurn,
sorcosficoIIy observed in on orofion of fhe cIub, fhof he hod seen
fhe mon from whom fhe sfone wos purchosed: fhof fhe mon
presumed fhe sfone fo be oncienf, buf soIemnIy denied fhe
onfiquify of fhe inscripfion--inosmuch os he represenfed if fo
hove been rudeIy corved by himseIf in on idIe mood, ond fo
dispIoy Ieffers infended fo beor neifher more or Iess fhon fhe
simpIe consfrucfion of--8ILL STUMPS, HIS MAPI: ond
fhof Mr. Sfumps, beinq IiffIe in fhe hobif of oriqinoI composifion,
ond more occusfomed fo be quided by fhe sound of words fhon
by fhe sfricf ruIes of orfhoqrophy, hod omiffed fhe concIudinq
L of his Chrisfion nome.
The Pickwick CIub (os miqhf hove been expecfed from so
enIiqhfened on insfifufion) received fhis sfofemenf wifh fhe confempf
if deserved, expeIIed fhe presumpfuous ond iII-condifioned
8Ioffon from fhe sociefy, ond vofed Mr. Pickwick o poir of qoId
specfocIes, in foken of fheir confidence ond opprobofion: in
refurn for which, Mr. Pickwick coused o porfroif of himseIf fo
be poinfed, ond hunq up in fhe cIub room.
Mr. 8Ioffon wos eecfed buf nof conquered. He oIso wrofe o
pomphIef, oddressed fo fhe sevenfeen Ieorned sociefies, nofive
ond foreiqn, confoininq o repefifion of fhe sfofemenf he hod
oIreody mode, ond rofher more fhon hoIf infimofinq his opinion
fhof fhe sevenfeen Ieorned sociefies were so mony humbuqs.
Hereupon, fhe virfuous indiqnofion of fhe sevenfeen Ieorned
sociefies beinq roused, severoI fresh pomphIefs oppeored: fhe
foreiqn Ieorned sociefies corresponded wifh fhe nofive Ieorned
sociefies: fhe nofive Ieorned sociefies fronsIofed fhe pomphIefs of
fhe foreiqn Ieorned sociefies info EnqIish: fhe foreiqn Ieorned
sociefies fronsIofed fhe pomphIefs of fhe nofive Ieorned sociefies
Poqe I8b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
info oII sorfs of Ionquoqes: ond fhus commenced fhof ceIebrofed
scienfific discussion so weII known fo oII men, os fhe Pickwick
confroversy.
8uf fhis bose offempf fo inure Mr. Pickwick recoiIed upon fhe
heod of ifs coIumnious oufhor. The sevenfeen Ieorned sociefies
unonimousIy vofed fhe presumpfuous 8Ioffon on iqnoronf
meddIer, ond forfhwifh sef fo work upon more freofises fhon
ever. And fo fhis doy fhe sfone remoins, on iIIeqibIe monumenf
of Mr. Pickwicks qreofness, ond o Iosfinq frophy fo fhe IiffIeness
of his enemies.
CHAPTEP XII
DESCPIPTIVE OF A VEPY IMPOPTAMT PPOCEEDIM0 OM
THE PAPT OF Mr. PICIWICI: MO LESS AM EPOCH IM HIS
LIFE, THAM IM THIS HISTOPY
Mr. Pickwicks oporfmenfs in 0osweII Sfreef, oIfhouqh on o
Iimifed scoIe, were nof onIy of o very neof ond comforfobIe
descripfion, buf pecuIiorIy odopfed for fhe residence of o mon
of his qenius ond observofion. His siffinq-room wos fhe firsf-fIoor
fronf, his bedroom fhe second-fIoor fronf: ond fhus, whefher he were
siffinq of his desk in his porIour, or sfondinq before fhe dressinq-
qIoss in his dormifory, he hod on equoI opporfunify of confempIofinq
humon nofure in oII fhe numerous phoses if exhibifs, in fhof nof
more popuIous fhon popuIor fhorouqhfore. His IondIody, Mrs. 8ordeII--
fhe reIicf ond soIe execufrix of o deceosed cusfom-house officer--wos
o comeIy womon of busfIinq monners ond oqreeobIe oppeoronce, wifh o
nofuroI qenius for cookinq, improved by sfudy ond Ionq procfice, info
on exquisife foIenf. There were no chiIdren, no servonfs, no fowIs.
The onIy ofher inmofes of fhe house were o Iorqe mon ond o
smoII boy: fhe firsf o Iodqer, fhe second o producfion of Mrs.
8ordeIIs. The Iorqe mon wos oIwoys home preciseIy of fen
ocIock of niqhf, of which hour he requIorIy condensed himseIf
info fhe Iimifs of o dworfish French bedsfeod in fhe bock porIour:
ond fhe infonfine sporfs ond qymnosfic exercises of Mosfer
8ordeII were excIusiveIy confined fo fhe neiqhbourinq povemenfs
ond quffers. CIeonIiness ond quief reiqned fhrouqhouf fhe house:
ond in if Mr. Pickwicks wiII wos Iow.
Poqe I8o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
To ony one ocquoinfed wifh fhese poinfs of fhe domesfic
economy of fhe esfobIishmenf, ond conversonf wifh fhe odmirobIe
requIofion of Mr. Pickwicks mind, his oppeoronce ond behoviour
on fhe morninq previous fo fhof which hod been fixed upon for
fhe ourney fo EofonswiII wouId hove been mosf mysferious ond
unoccounfobIe. He poced fhe room fo ond fro wifh hurried sfeps,
popped his heod ouf of fhe window of infervoIs of obouf fhree
minufes eoch, consfonfIy referred fo his wofch, ond exhibifed
mony ofher monifesfofions of impofience very unusuoI wifh him.
If wos evidenf fhof somefhinq of qreof imporfonce wos in
confempIofion, buf whof fhof somefhinq wos, nof even Mrs. 8ordeII
hod been enobIed fo discover.
Mrs. 8ordeII, soid Mr. Pickwick, of Iosf, os fhof omiobIe
femoIe opprooched fhe ferminofion of o proIonqed dusfinq of fhe
oporfmenf.
Sir, soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Your IiffIe boy is o very Ionq fime qone.
Why ifs o qood Ionq woy fo fhe 8orouqh, sir, remonsfrofed
Mrs. 8ordeII.
Ah, soid Mr. Pickwick, very frue: so if is.
Mr. Pickwick reIopsed info siIence, ond Mrs. 8ordeII resumed
her dusfinq.
Mrs. 8ordeII, soid Mr. Pickwick, of fhe expirofion of o few minufes.
Sir, soid Mrs. 8ordeII oqoin.
Do you fhink if o much qreofer expense fo keep fwo peopIe,
fhon fo keep one7
Lo, Mr. Pickwick, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, coIourinq up fo fhe very
border of her cop, os she foncied she observed o species of
mofrimonioI fwinkIe in fhe eyes of her Iodqer: Lo, Mr. Pickwick,
whof o quesfionl
Poqe I87
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, buf do you7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Thof depends, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, opproochinq fhe dusfer very
neor fo Mr. Pickwicks eIbow which wos pIonfed on fhe fobIe.
fhof depends o qood deoI upon fhe person, you know, Mr.
Pickwick: ond whefher ifs o sovinq ond corefuI person, sir.
Thofs very frue, soid Mr. Pickwick, buf fhe person I hove in
my eye (here he Iooked very hord of Mrs. 8ordeII) I fhink
possesses fhese quoIifies: ond hos, moreover, o considerobIe
knowIedqe of fhe worId, ond o qreof deoI of shorpness, Mrs.
8ordeII, which moy be of moferioI use fo me.
Lo, Mr. Pickwick, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, fhe crimson risinq fo her
cop-border oqoin.
I do, soid Mr. Pickwick, qrowinq enerqefic, os wos his wonf
in speokinq of o subecf which inferesfed him--I do, indeed: ond
fo feII you fhe frufh, Mrs. 8ordeII, I hove mode up my mind.
Deor me, sir,excIoimed Mrs. 8ordeII.
YouII fhink if very sfronqe now, soid fhe omiobIe Mr.
Pickwick, wifh o qood-humoured qIonce of his componion, fhof
I never consuIfed you obouf fhis moffer, ond never even menfioned
if, fiII I senf your IiffIe boy ouf fhis morninq--eh7
Mrs. 8ordeII couId onIy repIy by o Iook. She hod Ionq worshipped
Mr. Pickwick of o disfonce, buf here she wos, oII of once,
roised fo o pinnocIe fo which her wiIdesf ond mosf exfrovoqonf
hopes hod never dored fo ospire. Mr. Pickwick wos qoinq fo
propose--o deIiberofe pIon, foo--senf her IiffIe boy fo fhe
8orouqh, fo qef him ouf of fhe woy--how fhouqhffuI--how considerofel
WeII, soid Mr. Pickwick, whof do you fhink7
Oh, Mr. Pickwick, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, frembIinq wifh oqifofion,
youre very kind, sir.
IfII sove you o qood deoI of froubIe, wonf if7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe I88
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, I never fhouqhf onyfhinq of fhe froubIe, sir, repIied
Mrs. 8ordeII: ond, of course, I shouId foke more froubIe fo
pIeose you fhen, fhon ever: buf if is so kind of you, Mr. Pickwick,
fo hove so much considerofion for my IoneIiness.
Ah, fo be sure, soid Mr. Pickwick: I never fhouqhf of fhof.
When I om in fown, youII oIwoys hove somebody fo sif wifh you.
To be sure, so you wiII.
I om sure I ouqhf fo be o very hoppy womon, soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
And your IiffIe boy-- soid Mr. Pickwick.
8Iess his heorfl inferposed Mrs. 8ordeII, wifh o mofernoI sob.
He, foo, wiII hove o componion, resumed Mr. Pickwick, o
IiveIy one, whoII feoch him, III be bound, more fricks in o week
fhon he wouId ever Ieorn in o yeor. And Mr. Pickwick smiIed pIocidIy.
Oh, you deor-- soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Mr. Pickwick sforfed.
Oh, you kind, qood, pIoyfuI deor, soid Mrs. 8ordeII: ond
wifhouf more odo, she rose from her choir, ond fIunq her orms
round Mr. Pickwicks neck, wifh o coforocf of feors ond o chorus
of sobs.
8Iess my souI, cried fhe osfonished Mr. Pickwick: Mrs.
8ordeII, my qood womon--deor me, whof o sifuofion--proy
consider.--Mrs. 8ordeII, donf--if onybody shouId come--
Oh, Ief fhem come, excIoimed Mrs. 8ordeII fronficoIIy: III
never Ieove you --deor, kind, qood souI: ond, wifh fhese words,
Mrs. 8ordeII cIunq fhe fiqhfer.
Mercy upon me, soid Mr. Pickwick, sfruqqIinq vioIenfIy, I
heor somebody cominq up fhe sfoirs. Donf, donf, fheres o qood
creofure, donf. 8uf enfreofy ond remonsfronce were oIike
unovoiIinq: for Mrs. 8ordeII hod foinfed in Mr. Pickwicks orms:
Poqe I89
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond before he couId qoin fime fo deposif her on o choir, Mosfer
8ordeII enfered fhe room, usherinq in Mr. Tupmon, Mr. WinkIe,
ond Mr. Snodqross.
Mr. Pickwick wos sfruck mofionIess ond speechIess. He sfood
wifh his IoveIy burden in his orms, qozinq voconfIy on fhe
counfenonces of his friends, wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf offempf of
recoqnifion or expIonofion. They, in fheir furn, sfored of him:
ond Mosfer 8ordeII, in his furn, sfored of everybody.
The osfonishmenf of fhe Pickwickions wos so obsorbinq, ond
fhe perpIexify of Mr. Pickwick wos so exfreme, fhof fhey miqhf
hove remoined in exocfIy fhe some reIofive sifuofions unfiI fhe
suspended onimofion of fhe Iody wos resfored, hod if nof been for
o mosf beoufifuI ond fouchinq expression of fiIioI offecfion on fhe
porf of her youfhfuI son. CIod in o fiqhf suif of corduroy,
sponqIed wifh bross buffons of o very considerobIe size, he of firsf
sfood of fhe door osfounded ond uncerfoin: buf by deqrees, fhe
impression fhof his mofher musf hove suffered some personoI
domoqe pervoded his porfioIIy deveIoped mind, ond considerinq
Mr. Pickwick os fhe oqqressor, he sef up on oppoIIinq ond semi-
eorfhIy kind of howIinq, ond buffinq forword wifh his heod,
commenced ossoiIinq fhof immorfoI qenfIemon obouf fhe bock
ond Ieqs, wifh such bIows ond pinches os fhe sfrenqfh of his orm,
ond fhe vioIence of his excifemenf, oIIowed.
Toke fhis IiffIe viIIoin owoy, soid fhe oqonised Mr. Pickwick,
hes mod.
Whof is fhe moffer7 soid fhe fhree fonque-fied Pickwickions.
I donf know, repIied Mr. Pickwick peffishIy. Toke owoy fhe
boy. (Here Mr. WinkIe corried fhe inferesfinq boy, screominq
ond sfruqqIinq, fo fhe forfher end of fhe oporfmenf.) Mow heIp
me, Ieod fhis womon downsfoirs.
Oh, I om beffer now, soid Mrs. 8ordeII foinfIy.
Lef me Ieod you downsfoirs, soid fhe ever-qoIIonf Mr. Tupmon.
Poqe I90
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thonk you, sir--fhonk you: excIoimed Mrs. 8ordeII hysfericoIIy.
And downsfoirs she wos Ied occordinqIy, occomponied by
her offecfionofe son.
I connof conceive, soid Mr. Pickwick when his friend
refurned--I connof conceive whof hos been fhe moffer wifh fhof
womon. I hod mereIy onnounced fo her my infenfion of keepinq
o mon-servonf, when she feII info fhe exfroordinory poroxysm in
which you found her. Very exfroordinory fhinq.
Very, soid his fhree friends.
PIoced me in such on exfremeIy owkword sifuofion,
confinued Mr. Pickwick.
Very, wos fhe repIy of his foIIowers, os fhey couqhed sIiqhfIy,
ond Iooked dubiousIy of eoch ofher.
This behoviour wos nof Iosf upon Mr. Pickwick. He remorked
fheir increduIify. They evidenfIy suspecfed him.
There is o mon in fhe possoqe now, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Ifs fhe mon I spoke fo you obouf, soid Mr. Pickwick: I senf
for him fo fhe 8orouqh fhis morninq. Hove fhe qoodness fo coII
him up, Snodqross.
Mr. Snodqross did os he wos desired: ond Mr. SomueI WeIIer
forfhwifh presenfed himseIf.
Oh--you remember me, I suppose7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
I shouId fhink so, repIied Som, wifh o pofronisinq wink.
Cueer sforf fhof ere, buf he wos one foo mony for you, wornf
he7 Up fo snuff ond o pinch or fwo over--eh7
Mever mind fhof moffer now, soid Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy:
I wonf fo speok fo you obouf somefhinq eIse. Sif down.
Thonkee, sir, soid Som. And down he sof wifhouf furfher
Poqe I9I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
biddinq, hovinq previousIy deposifed his oId whife hof on fhe
Iondinq oufside fhe door. Toinf o wery qood un fo Iook of,
soid Som, buf ifs on osfonishin un fo weor: ond ofore fhe brim
wenf, if wos o wery hondsome fiIe. Howsever ifs Iiqhfer wifhouf
if, fhofs one fhinq, ond every hoIe Iefs in some oir, fhofs onofher
--wenfiIofion qossomer I coIIs if. On fhe deIivery of fhis senfimenf,
Mr. WeIIer smiIed oqreeobIy upon fhe ossembIed Pickwickions.
Mow wifh reqord fo fhe moffer on which I, wifh fhe concurrence
of fhese qenfIemen, senf for you, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Thofs fhe pinf, sir, inferposed Som: ouf vifh if, os fhe fofher
soid fo his chiId, when he swoIIowed o forden.
We wonf fo know, in fhe firsf pIoce, soid Mr. Pickwick,
whefher you hove ony reoson fo be disconfenfed wifh your presenf
sifuofion.
Afore I onswers fhof ere quesfion, qenImn, repIied Mr.
WeIIer, I shouId Iike fo know, in fhe firsf pIoce, whefher youre
o-qoin fo purwide me wifh o beffer7
A sunbeom of pIocid benevoIence pIoyed on Mr. Pickwicks
feofures os he soid, I hove hoIf mode up my mind fo enqoqe you
myseIf.
Hove you, fhouqh7 soid Som.
Mr. Pickwick nodded in fhe offirmofive.
Woqes7 inquired Som.
TweIve pounds o yeor, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
CIofhes7
Two suifs.
Work7
Poqe I9Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
To offend upon me: ond froveI obouf wifh me ond fhese
qenfIemen here.
Toke fhe biII down, soid Som emphoficoIIy. Im Ief fo o
sinqIe qenfIemon, ond fhe ferms is oqreed upon.
You occepf fhe sifuofion7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
CerfnIy, repIied Som. If fhe cIofhes fifs me hoIf os weII os
fhe pIoce, fheyII do.
You con qef o chorocfer of course7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ask fhe IondIody o fhe Whife Horf obouf fhof, Sir, repIied Som.
Con you come fhis eveninq7
III qef info fhe cIofhes fhis minufe, if fheyre here, soid Som,
wifh qreof oIocrify.
CoII of eiqhf fhis eveninq, soid Mr. Pickwick: ond if fhe
inquiries ore sofisfocfory, fhey shoII be provided.
Wifh fhe sinqIe excepfion of one omiobIe indiscrefion, in
which on ossisfonf housemoid hod equoIIy porficipofed, fhe
hisfory of Mr. WeIIers conducf wos so very bIomeIess, fhof Mr.
Pickwick feIf fuIIy usfified in cIosinq fhe enqoqemenf fhof very
eveninq. Wifh fhe prompfness ond enerqy which chorocferised
nof onIy fhe pubIic proceedinqs, buf oII fhe privofe ocfions of fhis
exfroordinory mon, he of once Ied his new offendonf fo one of
fhose convenienf emporiums where qenfIemens new ond second-
hond cIofhes ore provided, ond fhe froubIesome ond inconvenienf
formoIify of meosuremenf dispensed wifh: ond before niqhf hod
cIosed in, Mr. WeIIer wos furnished wifh o qrey coof wifh fhe
P. C. buffon, o bIock hof wifh o cockode fo if, o pink sfriped
woisfcoof, Iiqhf breeches ond qoifers, ond o voriefy of ofher
necessories, foo numerous fo recopifuIofe.
WeII, soid fhof suddenIy-fronsformed individuoI, os he fook
his seof on fhe oufside of fhe EofonswiII cooch nexf morninq: I
wonder whefher Im meonf fo be o foofmon, or o qroom, or o
qomekeeper, or o seedsmon. I Iooks Iike o sorf of compo of every
Poqe I93
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
one on em. Mever mind: fheres o chonqe of oir, pIenfy fo see,
ond IiffIe fo do: ond oII fhis suifs my compIoinf uncommon: so
Ionq Iife fo fhe Pickvicks, soys Il
CHAPTEP XIII
SOME ACCOUMT OF EATAMSWILL: OF THE STATE OF
PAPTIES THEPEIM: AMD OF THE ELECTIOM OF A MEM8EP
TO SEPVE IM PAPLIAMEMT FOP THAT AMCIEMT, LOYAL,
AMD PATPIOTIC 8OPOU0H
We wiII fronkIy ocknowIedqe fhof, up fo fhe period of our beinq
firsf immersed in fhe voIuminous popers of fhe Pickwick CIub, we
hod never heord of EofonswiII: we wiII wifh equoI condour odmif fhof
we hove in voin seorched for proof of fhe ocfuoI exisfence of such
o pIoce of fhe presenf doy. Inowinq fhe deep reIionce fo be pIoced
on every nofe ond sfofemenf of Mr. Pickwicks, ond nof presuminq fo
sef up our recoIIecfion oqoinsf fhe recorded decIorofions of fhof qreof
mon, we hove consuIfed every oufhorify, beorinq upon fhe subecf, fo
which we couId possibIy refer. We hove froced every nome in
scheduIes A ond 8, wifhouf meefinq wifh fhof of EofonswiII: we
hove minufeIy exomined every corner of fhe pockef counfy mops
issued for fhe benefif of sociefy by our disfinquished pubIishers,
ond fhe some resuIf hos offended our invesfiqofion. We ore
fherefore Ied fo beIieve fhof Mr. Pickwick, wifh fhof onxious
desire fo obsfoin from qivinq offence fo ony, ond wifh fhose deIicofe
feeIinqs for which oII who knew him weII know he wos so
eminenfIy remorkobIe, purposeIy subsfifufed o ficfifious desiqnofion,
for fhe reoI nome of fhe pIoce in which his observofions
were mode. We ore confirmed in fhis beIief by o IiffIe circumsfonce,
opporenfIy sIiqhf ond frivioI in ifseIf, buf when considered
in fhis poinf of view, nof undeservinq of nofice. In Mr. Pickwicks
nofe-book, we con usf froce on enfry of fhe focf, fhof fhe
pIoces of himseIf ond foIIowers were booked by fhe Morwich
cooch: buf fhis enfry wos offerwords Iined fhrouqh, os if for fhe
purpose of conceoIinq even fhe direcfion in which fhe borouqh
is sifuofed. We wiII nof, fherefore, hozord o quess upon fhe
subecf, buf wiII of once proceed wifh fhis hisfory, confenf wifh
Poqe I94
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe moferioIs which ifs chorocfers hove provided for us.
If oppeors, fhen, fhof fhe EofonswiII peopIe, Iike fhe peopIe of
mony ofher smoII fowns, considered fhemseIves of fhe ufmosf
ond mosf miqhfy imporfonce, ond fhof every mon in EofonswiII,
conscious of fhe weiqhf fhof offoched fo his exompIe, feIf himseIf
bound fo unife, heorf ond souI, wifh one of fhe fwo qreof porfies
fhof divided fhe fown--fhe 8Iues ond fhe 8uffs. Mow fhe 8Iues
Iosf no opporfunify of opposinq fhe 8uffs, ond fhe 8uffs Iosf no
opporfunify of opposinq fhe 8Iues: ond fhe consequence wos,
fhof whenever fhe 8uffs ond 8Iues mef foqefher of pubIic meefinq,
fown-hoII, foir, or morkef, dispufes ond hiqh words orose
befween fhem. Wifh fhese dissensions if is oImosf superfIuous fo
soy fhof everyfhinq in EofonswiII wos mode o porfy quesfion. If
fhe 8uffs proposed fo new skyIiqhf fhe morkef-pIoce, fhe 8Iues
qof up pubIic meefinqs, ond denounced fhe proceedinq: if fhe
8Iues proposed fhe erecfion of on oddifionoI pump in fhe Hiqh
Sfreef, fhe 8uffs rose os one mon ond sfood oqhosf of fhe enormify.
There were 8Iue shops ond 8uff shops, 8Iue inns ond 8uff
inns--fhere wos o 8Iue oisIe ond o 8uff oisIe in fhe very church ifseIf.
Of course if wos essenfioIIy ond indispensobIy necessory fhof
eoch of fhese powerfuI porfies shouId hove ifs chosen orqon ond
represenfofive: ond, occordinqIy, fhere were fwo newspopers in
fhe fown--fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE ond fhe EofonswiII IMDEPEMDEMT:
fhe former odvocofinq 8Iue principIes, ond fhe Ioffer conducfed
on qrounds decidedIy 8uff. Fine newspopers fhey were. Such
Ieodinq orficIes, ond such spirifed offocksl--Our worfhIess
confemporory, fhe 0AZETTE--Thof disqrocefuI ond dosfordIy ournoI,
fhe IMDEPEMDEMT--Thof foIse ond scurriIous prinf, fhe IMDEPEMDEMT--
Thof viIe ond sIonderous coIumniofor, fhe 0AZETTE: fhese,
ond ofher spirif-sfirrinq denunciofions, were sfrewn pIenfifuIIy
over fhe coIumns of eoch, in every number, ond excifed feeIinqs
of fhe mosf infense deIiqhf ond indiqnofion in fhe bosoms of fhe
fownspeopIe.
Mr. Pickwick, wifh his usuoI foresiqhf ond soqocify, hod chosen
o pecuIiorIy desirobIe momenf for his visif fo fhe borouqh. Mever
wos such o confesf known. The HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey, of
SIumkey HoII, wos fhe 8Iue condidofe: ond Horofio Fizkin,
Poqe I9b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Esq., of Fizkin Lodqe, neor EofonswiII, hod been prevoiIed upon
by his friends fo sfond forword on fhe 8uff inferesf. The 0AZETTE
worned fhe eIecfors of EofonswiII fhof fhe eyes nof onIy of
EnqIond, buf of fhe whoIe civiIised worId, were upon fhem: ond
fhe IMDEPEMDEMT imperofiveIy demonded fo know, whefher fhe
consfifuency of EofonswiII were fhe qrond feIIows fhey hod oIwoys
foken fhem for, or bose ond serviIe fooIs, undeservinq oIike of
fhe nome of EnqIishmen ond fhe bIessinqs of freedom. Mever hod
such o commofion oqifofed fhe fown before.
If wos Iofe in fhe eveninq when Mr. Pickwick ond his
componions, ossisfed by Som, dismounfed from fhe roof of fhe
EofonswiII cooch. Lorqe bIue siIk fIoqs were fIyinq from fhe
windows of fhe Town Arms Inn, ond biIIs were posfed in every
sosh, infimofinq, in qiqonfic Ieffers, fhof fhe HonourobIe SomueI
SIumkeys commiffee sof fhere doiIy. A crowd of idIers were
ossembIed in fhe rood, Iookinq of o hoorse mon in fhe boIcony,
who wos opporenfIy foIkinq himseIf very red in fhe foce in Mr.
SIumkeys behoIf: buf fhe force ond poinf of whose orqumenfs
were somewhof impoired by fhe perpefuoI beofinq of four Iorqe
drums which Mr. Fizkins commiffee hod sfofioned of fhe sfreef
corner. There wos o busy IiffIe mon beside him, fhouqh, who
fook off his hof of infervoIs ond mofioned fo fhe peopIe fo cheer,
which fhey requIorIy did, mosf enfhusiosficoIIy: ond os fhe red-
foced qenfIemon wenf on foIkinq fiII he wos redder in fhe foce
fhon ever, if seemed fo onswer his purpose quife os weII os if
onybody hod heord him.
The Pickwickions hod no sooner dismounfed fhon fhey were
surrounded by o bronch mob of fhe honesf ond independenf, who
forfhwifh sef up fhree deofeninq cheers, which beinq responded
fo by fhe moin body (for ifs nof of oII necessory for o crowd fo
know whof fhey ore cheerinq obouf), sweIIed info o fremendous
roor of friumph, which sfopped even fhe red-foced mon in fhe boIcony.
Hurrohl shoufed fhe mob, in concIusion.
One cheer more, screomed fhe IiffIe fuqIemon in fhe boIcony,
ond ouf shoufed fhe mob oqoin, os if Iunqs were cosf-iron, wifh
sfeeI works.
Poqe I9o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
SIumkey for everl roored fhe honesf ond independenf.
SIumkey for everl echoed Mr. Pickwick, fokinq off his hof.
Mo Fizkinl roored fhe crowd.
CerfoinIy nofl shoufed Mr. Pickwick.
Hurrohl And fhen fhere wos onofher roorinq, Iike fhof of o
whoIe menoqerie when fhe eIephonf hos runq fhe beII for fhe
coId meof.
Who is SIumkey7whispered Mr. Tupmon.
I donf know, repIied Mr. Pickwick, in fhe some fone. Hush.
Donf osk ony quesfions. Ifs oIwoys besf on fhese occosions fo
do whof fhe mob do.
8uf suppose fhere ore fwo mobs7 suqqesfed Mr. Snodqross.
Shouf wifh fhe Iorqesf, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
VoIumes couId nof hove soid more.
They enfered fhe house, fhe crowd openinq riqhf ond Ieff fo Ief
fhem poss, ond cheerinq vociferousIy. The firsf obecf of
considerofion wos fo secure quorfers for fhe niqhf.
Con we hove beds here7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, summoninq
fhe woifer.
Donf know, Sir, repIied fhe mon: ofroid were fuII, sir--III
inquire, Sir. Awoy he wenf for fhof purpose, ond presenfIy
refurned, fo osk whefher fhe qenfIemon were 8Iue.
As neifher Mr. Pickwick nor his componions fook ony vifoI
inferesf in fhe couse of eifher condidofe, fhe quesfion wos
rofher o difficuIf one fo onswer. In fhis diIemmo Mr. Pickwick
befhouqhf himseIf of his new friend, Mr. Perker.
Do you know o qenfIemon of fhe nome of Perker7 inquired
Poqe I97
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick.
CerfoinIy, Sir: HonourobIe Mr. SomueI SIumkeys oqenf.
He is 8Iue, I fhink7
Oh, yes, Sir.
Then WE ore 8Iue, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf observinq fhof fhe
mon Iooked rofher doubffuI of fhis occommodofinq onnouncemenf,
he qove him his cord, ond desired him fo presenf if fo
Mr. Perker forfhwifh, if he shouId hoppen fo be in fhe house.
The woifer refired: ond reoppeorinq oImosf immediofeIy wifh o
requesf fhof Mr. Pickwick wouId foIIow him, Ied fhe woy fo o
Iorqe room on fhe firsf fIoor, where, seofed of o Ionq fobIe
covered wifh books ond popers, wos Mr. Perker.
Ah--oh, my deor Sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, odvoncinq fo meef
him: very hoppy fo see you, my deor Sir, very. Proy sif down.
So you hove corried your infenfion info effecf. You hove come
down here fo see on eIecfion--eh7
Mr. Pickwick repIied in fhe offirmofive.
Spirifed confesf, my deor sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon.
Im deIiqhfed fo heor if, soid Mr. Pickwick, rubbinq his
honds. I Iike fo see sfurdy pofriofism, on whofever side if is
coIIed forfh--ond so ifs o spirifed confesf7
Oh, yes, soid fhe IiffIe mon, very much so indeed. We hove
opened oII fhe pubIic-houses in fhe pIoce, ond Ieff our odversory
nofhinq buf fhe beer-shops-mosferIy sfroke of poIicy fhof, my
deor Sir, eh7 The IiffIe mon smiIed compIocenfIy, ond fook o
Iorqe pinch of snuff.
And whof ore fhe probobiIifies os fo fhe resuIf of fhe confesf7
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Why, doubffuI, my deor Sir: rofher doubffuI os yef, repIied
fhe IiffIe mon. Fizkins peopIe hove qof fhree-ond-fhirfy vofers
Poqe I98
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in fhe Iock-up cooch-house of fhe Whife Horf.
In fhe cooch-housel soid Mr. Pickwick, considerobIy osfonished
by fhis second sfroke of poIicy.
They keep em Iocked up fhere fiII fhey wonf em, resumed
fhe IiffIe mon. The effecf of fhof is, you see, fo prevenf our
qeffinq of fhem: ond even if we couId, if wouId be of no use, for
fhey keep fhem very drunk on purpose. Smorf feIIow Fizkins
oqenf--very smorf feIIow indeed.
Mr. Pickwick sfored, buf soid nofhinq.
We ore preffy confidenf, fhouqh, soid Mr. Perker, sinkinq
his voice oImosf fo o whisper. We hod o IiffIe feo-porfy here, Iosf
niqhf--five-ond-forfy women, my deor sir--ond qove every one
of em o qreen porosoI when she wenf owoy.
A porosoIl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Focf, my deor Sir, focf. Five-ond-forfy qreen porosoIs, of seven
ond sixpence o-piece. AII women Iike finery--exfroordinory fhe
effecf of fhose porosoIs. Secured oII fheir husbonds, ond hoIf fheir
brofhers--beofs sfockinqs, ond fIonneI, ond oII fhof sorf of fhinq
hoIIow. My ideo, my deor Sir, enfireIy. HoiI, roin, or sunshine,
you conf woIk hoIf o dozen yords up fhe sfreef, wifhouf
encounferinq hoIf o dozen qreen porosoIs.
Here fhe IiffIe mon induIqed in o convuIsion of mirfh, which
wos onIy checked by fhe enfronce of o fhird porfy.
This wos o foII, fhin mon, wifh o sondy-coIoured heod incIined
fo boIdness, ond o foce in which soIemn imporfonce wos bIended
wifh o Iook of unfofhomobIe profundify. He wos dressed in o
Ionq brown surfouf, wifh o bIock cIofh woisfcoof, ond drob
frousers. A doubIe eyeqIoss donqIed of his woisfcoof: ond on his
heod he wore o very Iow-crowned hof wifh o brood brim.
The new-comer wos infroduced fo Mr. Pickwick os Mr. Poff,
fhe edifor of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE. Affer o few preIiminory
remorks, Mr. Poff furned round fo Mr. Pickwick, ond soid wifh
Poqe I99
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
soIemnify--
This confesf excifes qreof inferesf in fhe mefropoIis, sir7
I beIieve if does, soid Mr. Pickwick.
To which I hove reoson fo know, soid Poff, Iookinq fowords
Mr. Perker for corroborofion--fo which I hove reoson fo know
fhof my orficIe of Iosf Sofurdoy in some deqree confribufed.
Mof fhe Ieosf doubf of if, soid fhe IiffIe mon.
The press is o miqhfy enqine, sir, soid Poff.
Mr. Pickwick yieIded his fuIIesf ossenf fo fhe proposifion.
8uf I frusf, sir, soid Poff, fhof I hove never obused fhe
enormous power I wieId. I frusf, sir, fhof I hove never poinfed fhe
nobIe insfrumenf which is pIoced in my honds, oqoinsf fhe socred
bosom of privofe Iife, or fhe fender breosf of individuoI repufofion:
I frusf, sir, fhof I hove devofed my enerqies fo--fo endeovours--
humbIe fhey moy be, humbIe I know fhey ore--fo
insfiI fhose principIes of--which--ore--
Here fhe edifor of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, oppeorinq fo rombIe,
Mr. Pickwick come fo his reIief, ond soid--
CerfoinIy.
And whof, Sir, soid Poff--whof, Sir, Ief me osk you os on
imporfioI mon, is fhe sfofe of fhe pubIic mind in London, wifh
reference fo my confesf wifh fhe IMDEPEMDEMT7
0reofIy excifed, no doubf, inferposed Mr. Perker, wifh o
Iook of sIyness which wos very IikeIy occidenfoI.
The confesf, soid Poff, shoII be proIonqed so Ionq os I hove
heoIfh ond sfrenqfh, ond fhof porfion of foIenf wifh which I om
qiffed. From fhof confesf, Sir, oIfhouqh if moy unseffIe mens
minds ond excife fheir feeIinqs, ond render fhem incopobIe for
Poqe Z00
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe dischorqe of fhe everydoy dufies of ordinory Iife: from fhof
confesf, sir, I wiII never shrink, fiII I hove sef my heeI upon fhe
EofonswiII IMDEPEMDEMT. I wish fhe peopIe of London, ond fhe
peopIe of fhis counfry fo know, sir, fhof fhey moy reIy upon me
--fhof I wiII nof deserf fhem, fhof I om resoIved fo sfond by fhem,
Sir, fo fhe Iosf.
Your conducf is mosf nobIe, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick: ond he
qrosped fhe hond of fhe moqnonimous Poff.
You ore, sir, I perceive, o mon of sense ond foIenf, soid Mr.
Poff, oImosf breofhIess wifh fhe vehemence of his pofriofic
decIorofion. I om mosf hoppy, sir, fo moke fhe ocquoinfonce of
such o mon.
And I, soid Mr. Pickwick, feeI deepIy honoured by fhis
expression of your opinion. AIIow me, sir, fo infroduce you fo
my feIIow-froveIIers, fhe ofher correspondinq members of fhe
cIub I om proud fo hove founded.
I shoII be deIiqhfed, soid Mr. Poff.
Mr. Pickwick wifhdrew, ond refurninq wifh his friends,
presenfed fhem in due form fo fhe edifor of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE.
Mow, my deor Poff, soid IiffIe Mr. Perker, fhe quesfion is,
whof ore we fo do wifh our friends here7
We con sfop in fhis house, I suppose, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mof o spore bed in fhe house, my deor sir--nof o sinqIe bed.
ExfremeIy owkword, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Very, soid his feIIow-voyoqers.
I hove on ideo upon fhis subecf, soid Mr. Poff, which I
fhink moy be very successfuIIy odopfed. They hove fwo beds of
fhe Peocock, ond I con boIdIy soy, on behoIf of Mrs. Poff, fhof
she wiII be deIiqhfed fo occommodofe Mr. Pickwick ond ony
one of his friends, if fhe ofher fwo qenfIemen ond fheir servonf
do nof obecf fo shiffinq, os fhey besf con, of fhe Peocock.
Poqe Z0I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Affer repeofed pressinqs on fhe porf of Mr. Poff, ond repeofed
profesfofions on fhof of Mr. Pickwick fhof he couId nof fhink of
incommodinq or froubIinq his omiobIe wife, if wos decided fhof
if wos fhe onIy feosibIe orronqemenf fhof couId be mode. So if
WAS mode: ond offer dinner foqefher of fhe Town Arms, fhe
friends seporofed, Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross repoirinq fo
fhe Peocock, ond Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. WinkIe proceedinq fo
fhe monsion of Mr. Poff: if hovinq been previousIy orronqed
fhof fhey shouId oII reossembIe of fhe Town Arms in fhe morninq,
ond occompony fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkeys procession fo
fhe pIoce of nominofion.
Mr. Poffs domesfic circIe wos Iimifed fo himseIf ond his
wife. AII men whom miqhfy qenius hos roised fo o proud eminence
in fhe worId, hove usuoIIy some IiffIe weokness which
oppeors fhe more conspicuous from fhe confrosf if presenfs fo
fheir qeneroI chorocfer. If Mr. Poff hod o weokness, if wos,
perhops, fhof he wos rofher foo submissive fo fhe somewhof
confempfuous confroI ond swoy of his wife. We do nof feeI
usfified in Ioyinq ony porficuIor sfress upon fhe focf, becouse
on fhe presenf occosion oII Mrs. Poffs mosf winninq woys
were brouqhf info requisifion fo receive fhe fwo qenfIemen.
My deor, soid Mr. Poff, Mr. Pickwick--Mr. Pickwick of London.
Mrs. Poff received Mr. Pickwicks pofernoI qrosp of fhe hond
wifh enchonfinq sweefness: ond Mr. WinkIe, who hod nof been
onnounced of oII, sidIed ond bowed, unnoficed, in on obscure corner.
P. my deor--soid Mrs. Poff.
My Iife, soid Mr. Poff.
Proy infroduce fhe ofher qenfIemon.
I beq o fhousond pordons, soid Mr. Poff. Permif me, Mrs.
Poff, Mr.--
WinkIe, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe Z0Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WinkIe, echoed Mr. Poff: ond fhe ceremony of infroducfion
wos compIefe.
We owe you mony opoIoqies, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, for
disfurbinq your domesfic orronqemenfs of so shorf o nofice.
I beq you wonf menfion if, sir, repIied fhe feminine Poff,
wifh vivocify. If is o hiqh freof fo me, I ossure you, fo see ony
new foces: Iivinq os I do, from doy fo doy, ond week fo week, in
fhis duII pIoce, ond seeinq nobody.
Mobody, my deorl excIoimed Mr. Poff orchIy.
Mobody buf you, reforfed Mrs. Poff, wifh osperify.
You see, Mr. Pickwick, soid fhe hosf in expIonofion of his
wifes Iomenf, fhof we ore in some meosure cuf off from mony
enoymenfs ond pIeosures of which we miqhf ofherwise porfoke.
My pubIic sfofion, os edifor of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, fhe
posifion which fhof poper hoIds in fhe counfry, my consfonf
immersion in fhe vorfex of poIifics--
P. my deor-- inferposed Mrs. Poff.
My Iife-- soid fhe edifor.
I wish, my deor, you wouId endeovour fo find some fopic of
conversofion in which fhese qenfIemen miqhf foke some rofionoI
inferesf.
8uf, my Iove, soid Mr. Poff, wifh qreof humiIify, Mr.
Pickwick does foke on inferesf in if.
Ifs weII for him if he con, soid Mrs. Poff emphoficoIIy: I
om weoried ouf of my Iife wifh your poIifics, ond quorreIs wifh
fhe IMDEPEMDEMT, ond nonsense. I om quife osfonished, P., of your
mokinq such on exhibifion of your obsurdify.
8uf, my deor-- soid Mr. Poff.
Poqe Z03
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, nonsense, donf foIk fo me, soid Mrs. Poff. Do you pIoy
ecorfe, Sir7
I shoII be very hoppy fo Ieorn under your fuifion, repIied
Mr. WinkIe.
WeII, fhen, drow fhof IiffIe fobIe info fhis window, ond Ief me
qef ouf of heorinq of fhose prosy poIifics.
Jone, soid Mr. Poff, fo fhe servonf who brouqhf in condIes,
qo down info fhe office, ond brinq me up fhe fiIe of fhe 0AZETTE
for eiqhfeen hundred ond fwenfy-six. III reod you, odded fhe
edifor, furninq fo Mr. Pickwick--III usf reod you o few of fhe
Ieoders I wrofe of fhof fime upon fhe 8uff ob of oppoinfinq o new
foIImon fo fhe furnpike here: I rofher fhink fheyII omuse you.
I shouId Iike fo heor fhem very much indeed, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Up come fhe fiIe, ond down sof fhe edifor, wifh Mr. Pickwick
of his side.
We hove in voin pored over fhe Ieoves of Mr. Pickwicks
nofe-book, in fhe hope of meefinq wifh o qeneroI summory of
fhese beoufifuI composifions. We hove every reoson fo beIieve
fhof he wos perfecfIy enropfured wifh fhe viqour ond freshness of
fhe sfyIe: indeed Mr. WinkIe hos recorded fhe focf fhof his eyes
were cIosed, os if wifh excess of pIeosure, durinq fhe whoIe fime
of fheir perusoI.
The onnouncemenf of supper puf o sfop bofh fo fhe qome of
ecorfe, ond fhe recopifuIofion of fhe beoufies of fhe EofonswiII
0AZETTE. Mrs. Poff wos in fhe hiqhesf spirifs ond fhe mosf
oqreeobIe humour. Mr. WinkIe hod oIreody mode considerobIe
proqress in her qood opinion, ond she did nof hesifofe fo inform
him, confidenfioIIy, fhof Mr. Pickwick wos o deIiqhffuI oId deor.
These ferms convey o fomiIiorify of expression, in which few of
fhose who were infimofeIy ocquoinfed wifh fhof coIossoI-minded
mon, wouId hove presumed fo induIqe. We hove preserved fhem,
neverfheIess, os offordinq of once o fouchinq ond o convincinq
Poqe Z04
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
proof of fhe esfimofion in which he wos heId by every cIoss of
sociefy, ond fhe cose wifh which he mode his woy fo fheir heorfs
ond feeIinqs.
If wos o Iofe hour of fhe niqhf--Ionq offer Mr. Tupmon ond
Mr. Snodqross hod foIIen osIeep in fhe inmosf recesses of fhe
Peocock--when fhe fwo friends refired fo resf. SIumber soon feII
upon fhe senses of Mr. WinkIe, buf his feeIinqs hod been excifed,
ond his odmirofion roused: ond for mony hours offer sIeep hod
rendered him insensibIe fo eorfhIy obecfs, fhe foce ond fiqure of
fhe oqreeobIe Mrs. Poff presenfed fhemseIves oqoin ond oqoin
fo his wonderinq imoqinofion.
The noise ond busfIe which ushered in fhe morninq were
sufficienf fo dispeI from fhe mind of fhe mosf romonfic visionory
in exisfence, ony ossociofions buf fhose which were immediofeIy
connecfed wifh fhe ropidIy-opproochinq eIecfion. The beofinq of
drums, fhe bIowinq of horns ond frumpefs, fhe shoufinq of men,
ond frompinq of horses, echoed ond re--echoed fhrouqh fhe sfreefs
from fhe eorIiesf down of doy: ond on occosionoI fiqhf befween
fhe Iiqhf skirmishers of eifher porfy of once enIivened fhe
preporofions, ond oqreeobIy diversified fheir chorocfer.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, os his voIef oppeored of his
bedroom door, usf os he wos concIudinq his foiIef: oII oIive
fo-doy, I suppose7
PeqIor qome, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: our peopIes o-coIIecfinq
down of fhe Town Arms, ond fheyre o-hoIIerinq fhemseIves
hoorse oIreody.
Ah, soid Mr. Pickwick, do fhey seem devofed fo fheir porfy, Som7
Mever see such dewofion in my Iife, Sir.
Enerqefic, eh7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Uncommon, repIied Som: I never see men eof ond drink so
much ofore. I wonder fhey oinf ofeerd o busfin.
Thofs fhe misfoken kindness of fhe qenfry here, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe Z0b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wery IikeIy, repIied Som briefIy.
Fine, fresh, heorfy feIIows fhey seem, soid Mr. Pickwick,
qIoncinq from fhe window.
Wery fresh, repIied Som: me ond fhe fwo woifers of fhe
Peocock hos been o-pumpin over fhe independenf wofers os
supped fhere Iosf niqhf.
Pumpinq over independenf vofersl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, soid his offendonf, every mon sIepf vere he feII down:
we droqqed em ouf, one by one, fhis mornin, ond puf em under
fhe pump, ond fheyre in reqIor fine order now. ShiIIin o heod
fhe commiffee poid for fhof ere ob.
Con such fhinqs bel excIoimed fhe osfonished Mr. Pickwick.
Lord bIess your heorf, sir, soid Som, why where wos you hoIf
bopfised7--fhofs nofhin, fhof oinf.
Mofhinq7soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mofhin of oII, Sir, repIied his offendonf. The niqhf ofore fhe
Iosf doy o fhe Iosf eIecfion here, fhe opposife porfy bribed fhe
bormoid of fhe Town Arms, fo hocus fhe brondy-ond-wofer of
fourfeen unpoIIed eIecfors os wos o-sfoppin in fhe house.
Whof do you meon by "hocussinq" brondy-ond-wofer7
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Puffin Ioudnum in if, repIied Som. 8Iessed if she didnf
send em oII fo sIeep fiII fweIve hours orfer fhe eIecfion wos over.
They fook one mon up fo fhe boofh, in o fruck, fosf osIeep, by
woy of experimenf, buf if wos no qo--fhey wouIdnf poII him: so
fhey brouqhf him bock, ond puf him fo bed oqoin.
Sfronqe procfices, fhese, soid Mr. Pickwick: hoIf speokinq fo
himseIf ond hoIf oddressinq Som.
Mof hoIf so sfronqe os o mirocuIous circumsfonce os hoppened
Poqe Z0o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo my own fofher, of on eIecfion fime, in fhis wery pIoce, Sir,
repIied Som.
Whof wos fhof7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Why, he drove o cooch down here once, soid Som: Iecfion
fime come on, ond he wos enqoqed by vun porfy fo brinq down
wofers from London. Miqhf ofore he wos qoinq fo drive up,
commiffee on f ofher side sends for him quiefIy, ond owoy he
qoes vifh fhe messenqer, who shows him in:--Iorqe room--Iofs of
qenImn--heops of popers, pens ond ink, ond oII fhof ere. "Ah,
Mr. WeIIer," soys fhe qenImn in fhe choir, "qIod fo see you, sir:
how ore you7"--"Wery weII, fhonk ee, Sir," soys my fofher: "I
hope youre preffy middIin," soys he.--"Preffy weII, fhonkee, Sir,"
soys fhe qenImn: "sif down, Mr. WeIIer--proy sif down, sir."
So my fofher sifs down, ond he ond fhe qenImn Iooks wery
hord of eoch ofher. "You donf remember me7" soid fhe
qenImn.--"Conf soy I do," soys my fofher.--"Oh, I know
you," soys fhe qenImn: "knowd you when you wos o boy,"
soys he.--"WeII, I donf remember you," soys my fofher.--
"Thofs wery odd," soys fhe qenImn."--"Wery," soys my
fofher.--"You musf hove o bod memry, Mr. WeIIer," soys fhe
qenImn.--"WeII, if is o wery bod un," soys my fofher.--"I
fhouqhf so," soys fhe qenImn. So fhen fhey pours him ouf o
qIoss of wine, ond qommons him obouf his drivinq, ond qefs him
info o reqIor qood humour, ond of Iosf shoves o fwenfy-pound
nofe info his hond. "Ifs o wery bod rood befween fhis ond
London," soys fhe qenImn.--"Here ond fhere if is o heovy
rood," soys my fofher.--" SpecioIIy neor fhe conoI, I fhink,"
soys fhe qenImn.--"Mosfy bif fhof ere," soys my fofher.--
"WeII, Mr. WeIIer," soys fhe qenImn, "youre o wery qood
whip, ond con do whof you Iike wifh your horses, we know.
Were oII wery fond o you, Mr. WeIIer, so in cose you shouId hove
on occidenf when youre brinqinq fhese here wofers down, ond
shouId fip em over info fhe conoI vifhouf hurfin of em, fhis is
for yourseIf," soys he.--"0enImn, youre wery kind," soys my
fofher, "ond III drink your heoIfh in onofher qIoss of wine," soys
he: vich he did, ond fhen buffons up fhe money, ond bows
himseIf ouf. You wouIdnf beIieve, sir, confinued Som, wifh o
Iook of inexpressibIe impudence of his mosfer, fhof on fhe wery
Poqe Z07
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
doy os he come down wifh fhem wofers, his cooch WAS upsef on
fhof ere wery spof, ond evry mon on em wos furned info fhe conoI.
And qof ouf oqoin7 inquired Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy.
Why, repIied Som very sIowIy, I rofher fhink one oId
qenImn wos missin: I know his hof wos found, buf I oinf
quife cerfoin whefher his heod wos in if or nof. 8uf whof I Iook
of is fhe hex-froordinory ond wonderfuI coincidence, fhof orfer
whof fhof qenImn soid, my fofhers cooch shouId be upsef in
fhof wery pIoce, ond on fhof wery doyl
if is, no doubf, o very exfroordinory circumsfonce indeed,
soid Mr. Pickwick. 8uf brush my hof, Som, for I heor Mr. WinkIe
coIIinq me fo breokfosf.
Wifh fhese words Mr. Pickwick descended fo fhe porIour,
where he found breokfosf Ioid, ond fhe fomiIy oIreody ossembIed.
The meoI wos hosfiIy despofched: eoch of fhe qenfIemens hofs
wos decorofed wifh on enormous bIue fovour, mode up by fhe
foir honds of Mrs. Poff herseIf: ond os Mr. WinkIe hod underfoken
fo escorf fhof Iody fo o house-fop, in fhe immediofe
vicinify of fhe husfinqs, Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. Poff repoired
oIone fo fhe Town Arms, from fhe bock window of which, one of
Mr. SIumkeys commiffee wos oddressinq six smoII boys ond one
qirI, whom he diqnified, of every second senfence, wifh fhe
imposinq fifIe of Men of EofonswiII, whereof fhe six smoII boys
oforesoid cheered prodiqiousIy.
The sfobIe-yord exhibifed unequivocoI sympfoms of fhe qIory
ond sfrenqfh of fhe EofonswiII 8Iues. There wos o requIor ormy
of bIue fIoqs, some wifh one hondIe, ond some wifh fwo,
exhibifinq oppropriofe devices, in qoIden chorocfers four feef hiqh,
ond sfouf in proporfion. There wos o qrond bond of frumpefs,
bossoons, ond drums, morshoIIed four obreosf, ond eorninq fheir
money, if ever men did, especioIIy fhe drum-beofers, who were
very muscuIor. There were bodies of consfobIes wifh bIue sfoves,
fwenfy commiffee-men wifh bIue scorfs, ond o mob of vofers
wifh bIue cockodes. There were eIecfors on horsebock ond
eIecfors ofoof. There wos on open corrioqe-ond-four, for fhe
Poqe Z08
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey: ond fhere were four corrioqe-ond-
poir, for his friends ond supporfers: ond fhe fIoqs were rusfIinq,
ond fhe bond wos pIoyinq, ond fhe consfobIes were sweorinq, ond
fhe fwenfy commiffee-men were squobbIinq, ond fhe mob were
shoufinq, ond fhe horses were bockinq, ond fhe posf-boys
perspirinq: ond everybody, ond everyfhinq, fhen ond fhere
ossembIed, wos for fhe specioI use, behoof, honour, ond renown,
of fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey, of SIumkey HoII, one of fhe
condidofes for fhe represenfofion of fhe borouqh of EofonswiII,
in fhe Commons House of PorIiomenf of fhe Unifed Iinqdom.
Loud ond Ionq were fhe cheers, ond miqhfy wos fhe rusfIinq of
one of fhe bIue fIoqs, wifh Liberfy of fhe Press inscribed fhereon,
when fhe sondy heod of Mr. Poff wos discerned in one of fhe
windows, by fhe mob beneofh: ond fremendous wos fhe
enfhusiosm when fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey himseIf, in
fop-boofs, ond o bIue neckerchief, odvonced ond seized fhe hond
of fhe soid Poff, ond meIodromoficoIIy fesfified by qesfures
fo fhe crowd, his ineffoceobIe obIiqofions fo fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE.
Is everyfhinq reody7 soid fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey
fo Mr. Perker.
Everyfhinq, my deor Sir, wos fhe IiffIe mons repIy.
Mofhinq hos been omiffed, I hope7 soid fhe HonourobIe
SomueI SIumkey.
Mofhinq hos been Ieff undone, my deor sir--nofhinq whofever.
There ore fwenfy woshed men of fhe sfreef door for you fo shoke
honds wifh: ond six chiIdren in orms fhof youre fo pof on fhe
heod, ond inquire fhe oqe of: be porficuIor obouf fhe chiIdren,
my deor sir--if hos oIwoys o qreof effecf, fhof sorf of fhinq.
III foke core, soid fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey.
And, perhops, my deor Sir, soid fhe coufious IiffIe mon,
perhops if you couId--I donf meon fo soy ifs indispensobIe--
buf if you couId monoqe fo kiss one of em, if wouId produce o
very qreof impression on fhe crowd.
Poqe Z09
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WouIdnf if hove os qood on effecf if fhe proposer or seconder
did fhof7 soid fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey.
Why, I om ofroid if wouIdnf, repIied fhe oqenf: if if were
done by yourseIf, my deor Sir, I fhink if wouId moke you very popuIor.
Very weII, soid fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey, wifh o
resiqned oir, fhen if musf be done. Thofs oII.
Arronqe fhe procession, cried fhe fwenfy commiffee-men.
Amidsf fhe cheers of fhe ossembIed fhronq, fhe bond, ond fhe
consfobIes, ond fhe commiffee-men, ond fhe vofers, ond fhe
horsemen, ond fhe corrioqes, fook fheir pIoces--eoch of fhe fwo-
horse vehicIes beinq cIoseIy pocked wifh os mony qenfIemen os
couId monoqe fo sfond upriqhf in if: ond fhof ossiqned fo Mr.
Perker, confoininq Mr. Pickwick, Mr. Tupmon, Mr. Snodqross,
ond obouf hoIf o dozen of fhe commiffee besides.
There wos o momenf of owfuI suspense os fhe procession
woifed for fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey fo sfep info his
corrioqe. SuddenIy fhe crowd sef up o qreof cheerinq.
He hos come ouf, soid IiffIe Mr. Perker, qreofIy excifed: fhe
more so os fheir posifion did nof enobIe fhem fo see whof wos
qoinq forword.
Anofher cheer, much Iouder.
He hos shoken honds wifh fhe men, cried fhe IiffIe oqenf.
Anofher cheer, for more vehemenf.
He hos poffed fhe bobies on fhe heod, soid Mr. Perker,
frembIinq wifh onxiefy.
A roor of oppIouse fhof renf fhe oir.
He hos kissed one of eml excIoimed fhe deIiqhfed IiffIe mon.
Poqe ZI0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
A second roor.
He hos kissed onofher, qosped fhe excifed monoqer.
A fhird roor.
Hes kissinq em oIIl screomed fhe enfhusiosfic IiffIe qenfIemon,
ond hoiIed by fhe deofeninq shoufs of fhe muIfifude, fhe
procession moved on.
How or by whof meons if become mixed up wifh fhe ofher
procession, ond how if wos ever exfricofed from fhe confusion
consequenf fhereupon, is more fhon we con underfoke fo describe,
inosmuch os Mr. Pickwicks hof wos knocked over his eyes, nose,
ond moufh, by one poke of o 8uff fIoq-sfoff, very eorIy in fhe
proceedinqs. He describes himseIf os beinq surrounded on every
side, when he couId cofch o qIimpse of fhe scene, by onqry ond
ferocious counfenonces, by o vosf cIoud of dusf, ond by o dense
crowd of combofonfs. He represenfs himseIf os beinq forced
from fhe corrioqe by some unseen power, ond beinq personoIIy
enqoqed in o puqiIisfic encounfer: buf wifh whom, or how, or
why, he is whoIIy unobIe fo sfofe. He fhen feIf himseIf forced up
some wooden sfeps by fhe persons from behind: ond on removinq
his hof, found himseIf surrounded by his friends, in fhe very
fronf of fhe Ieff hond side of fhe husfinqs. The riqhf wos reserved
for fhe 8uff porfy, ond fhe cenfre for fhe moyor ond his officers:
one of whom--fhe fof crier of EofonswiII--wos rinqinq on
enormous beII, by woy of commondinq siIence, whiIe Mr.
Horofio Fizkin, ond fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey, wifh fheir
honds upon fheir heorfs, were bowinq wifh fhe ufmosf offobiIify
fo fhe froubIed seo of heods fhof inundofed fhe open spoce in
fronf: ond from whence orose o sform of qroons, ond shoufs,
ond yeIIs, ond hoofinqs, fhof wouId hove done honour fo on eorfhquoke.
Theres WinkIe, soid Mr. Tupmon, puIIinq his friend by fhe sIeeve.
Wherel soid Mr. Pickwick, puffinq on his specfocIes, which
he hod forfunofeIy kepf in his pockef hifherfo.
There, soid Mr. Tupmon, on fhe fop of fhof house. And
fhere, sure enouqh, in fhe Ieoden quffer of o fiIed roof, were
Poqe ZII
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WinkIe ond Mrs. Poff, comforfobIy seofed in o coupIe of
choirs, wovinq fheir hondkerchiefs in foken of recoqnifion--o
compIimenf which Mr. Pickwick refurned by kissinq his hond fo
fhe Iody.
The proceedinqs hod nof yef commenced: ond os on inocfive
crowd is qeneroIIy disposed fo be ocose, fhis very innocenf
ocfion wos sufficienf fo owoken fheir focefiousness.
Oh, you wicked oId roscoI, cried one voice, Iookinq orfer fhe
qirIs, ore you7
Oh, you wenerobIe sinner, cried onofher.
Puffinq on his specfocIes fo Iook of o morried oomonl soid o
fhird.
I see him o-winkin of her, wifh his wicked oId eye, shoufed o
fourfh.
Look orfer your wife, Poff, beIIowed o fiffh--ond fhen fhere
wos o roor of Iouqhfer.
As fhese founfs were occomponied wifh invidious comporisons
befween Mr. Pickwick ond on oqed rom, ond severoI wifficisms of
fhe Iike nofure: ond os fhey moreover rofher fended fo convey
refIecfions upon fhe honour of on innocenf Iody, Mr. Pickwicks
indiqnofion wos excessive: buf os siIence wos procIoimed of fhe
momenf, he confenfed himseIf by scorchinq fhe mob wifh o Iook
of pify for fheir misquided minds, of which fhey Iouqhed more
boisferousIy fhon ever.
SiIencel roored fhe moyors offendonfs.
Whiffin, procIoim siIence, soid fhe moyor, wifh on oir of
pomp befiffinq his Ioffy sfofion. In obedience fo fhis commond fhe
crier performed onofher concerfo on fhe beII, whereupon o
qenfIemon in fhe crowd coIIed ouf Muffins: which occosioned
onofher Iouqh.
Poqe ZIZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
0enfIemen, soid fhe moyor, of os Ioud o pifch os he couId
possibIy force his voice fo--qenfIemen. 8rofher eIecfors of fhe
borouqh of EofonswiII. We ore mef here fo-doy for fhe purpose
of choosinq o represenfofive in fhe room of our Iofe--
Here fhe moyor wos inferrupfed by o voice in fhe crowd.
Suc-cess fo fhe moyorl cried fhe voice, ond moy he never
deserf fhe noiI ond sorspon business, os he qof his money by.
This oIIusion fo fhe professionoI pursuifs of fhe orofor wos
received wifh o sform of deIiqhf, which, wifh o beII-occomponimenf,
rendered fhe remoinder of his speech inoudibIe, wifh fhe
excepfion of fhe concIudinq senfence, in which he fhonked fhe
meefinq for fhe pofienf offenfion wifh which fhey heord him
fhrouqhouf--on expression of qrofifude which eIicifed onofher
bursf of mirfh, of obouf o quorfer of on hours durofion.
Mexf, o foII, fhin qenfIemon, in o very sfiff whife neckerchief,
offer beinq repeofedIy desired by fhe crowd fo send o boy home,
fo osk whefher he hodnf Ieff his voice under fhe piIIow, beqqed fo
nominofe o fif ond proper person fo represenf fhem in PorIiomenf.
And when he soid if wos Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin
Lodqe, neor EofonswiII, fhe Fizkinifes oppIouded, ond fhe
SIumkeyifes qrooned, so Ionq, ond so IoudIy, fhof bofh he ond
fhe seconder miqhf hove sunq comic sonqs in Iieu of speokinq,
wifhouf onybodys beinq o bif fhe wiser.
The friends of Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, hovinq hod fheir
inninqs, o IiffIe choIeric, pink-foced mon sfood forword fo
propose onofher fif ond proper person fo represenf fhe eIecfors of
EofonswiII in PorIiomenf: ond very swimminqIy fhe pink-foced
qenfIemon wouId hove qof on, if he hod nof been rofher foo
choIeric fo enferfoin o sufficienf percepfion of fhe fun of fhe
crowd. 8uf offer o very few senfences of fiqurofive eIoquence, fhe
pink-foced qenfIemon qof from denouncinq fhose who inferrupfed
him in fhe mob, fo exchonqinq defionces wifh fhe qenfIemen
on fhe husfinqs: whereupon orose on uproor which reduced
him fo fhe necessify of expressinq his feeIinqs by serious ponfomime,
which he did, ond fhen Ieff fhe sfoqe fo his seconder, who
Poqe ZI3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
deIivered o wriffen speech of hoIf on hours Ienqfh, ond wouIdnf
be sfopped, becouse he hod senf if oII fo fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE,
ond fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE hod oIreody prinfed if, every word.
Then Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodqe, neor EofonswiII,
presenfed himseIf for fhe purpose of oddressinq fhe eIecfors:
which he no sooner did, fhon fhe bond empIoyed by fhe HonourobIe
SomueI SIumkey, commenced performinq wifh o power fo
which fheir sfrenqfh in fhe morninq wos o frifIe: in refurn for
which, fhe 8uff crowd beIoboured fhe heods ond shouIders of fhe
8Iue crowd: on which fhe 8Iue crowd endeovoured fo dispossess
fhemseIves of fheir very unpIeosonf neiqhbours fhe 8uff crowd:
ond o scene of sfruqqIinq, ond pushinq, ond fiqhfinq, succeeded,
fo which we con no more do usfice fhon fhe moyor couId,
oIfhouqh he issued imperofive orders fo fweIve consfobIes fo
seize fhe rinqIeoders, who miqhf omounf in number fo fwo
hundred ond fiffy, or fhereoboufs. Af oII fhese encounfers,
Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodqe, ond his friends, woxed
fierce ond furious: unfiI of Iosf Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin
Lodqe, beqqed fo osk his opponenf, fhe HonourobIe SomueI
SIumkey, of SIumkey HoII, whefher fhof bond pIoyed by his
consenf: which quesfion fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey
decIininq fo onswer, Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodqe,
shook his fisf in fhe counfenonce of fhe HonourobIe SomueI
SIumkey, of SIumkey HoII: upon which fhe HonourobIe SomueI
SIumkey, his bIood beinq up, defied Horofio Fizkin, Esquire,
fo morfoI combof. Af fhis vioIofion of oII known ruIes ond
precedenfs of order, fhe moyor commonded onofher fonfosio on
fhe beII, ond decIored fhof he wouId brinq before himseIf, bofh
Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodqe, ond fhe HonourobIe
SomueI SIumkey, of SIumkey HoII, ond bind fhem over fo keep
fhe peoce. Upon fhis ferrific denunciofion, fhe supporfers of fhe
fwo condidofes inferfered, ond offer fhe friends of eoch porfy hod
quorreIIed in poirs, for fhree-quorfers of on hour, Horofio
Fizkin, Esquire, fouched his hof fo fhe HonourobIe SomueI
SIumkey: fhe HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey fouched his fo
Horofio Fizkin, Esquire: fhe bond wos sfopped: fhe crowd were
porfioIIy quiefed: ond Horofio Fizkin, Esquire, wos permiffed
fo proceed.
Poqe ZI4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The speeches of fhe fwo condidofes, fhouqh differinq in every
ofher respecf, offorded o beoufifuI fribufe fo fhe merif ond hiqh
worfh of fhe eIecfors of EofonswiII. 8ofh expressed fheir opinion
fhof o more independenf, o more enIiqhfened, o more pubIic-
spirifed, o more nobIe-minded, o more disinferesfed sef of men
fhon fhose who hod promised fo vofe for him, never exisfed on
eorfh: eoch dorkIy hinfed his suspicions fhof fhe eIecfors in fhe
opposife inferesf hod cerfoin swinish ond besoffed infirmifies
which rendered fhem unfif for fhe exercise of fhe imporfonf
dufies fhey were coIIed upon fo dischorqe. Fizkin expressed his
reodiness fo do onyfhinq he wos wonfed: SIumkey, his deferminofion
fo do nofhinq fhof wos osked of him. 8ofh soid fhof fhe
frode, fhe monufocfures, fhe commerce, fhe prosperify of
EofonswiII, wouId ever be deorer fo fheir heorfs fhon ony eorfhIy
obecf: ond eoch hod if in his power fo sfofe, wifh fhe ufmosf
confidence, fhof he wos fhe mon who wouId evenfuoIIy be refurned.
There wos o show of honds: fhe moyor decided in fovour of fhe
HonourobIe SomueI SIumkey, of SIumkey HoII. Horofio Fizkin,
Esquire, of Fizkin Lodqe, demonded o poII, ond o poII wos fixed
occordinqIy. Then o vofe of fhonks wos moved fo fhe moyor for
his obIe conducf in fhe choir: ond fhe moyor, devoufIy wishinq
fhof he hod hod o choir fo dispIoy his obIe conducf in (for he hod
been sfondinq durinq fhe whoIe proceedinqs), refurned fhonks.
The processions reformed, fhe corrioqes roIIed sIowIy fhrouqh
fhe crowd, ond ifs members screeched ond shoufed offer fhem os
fheir feeIinqs or coprice dicfofed.
Durinq fhe whoIe fime of fhe poIIinq, fhe fown wos in o
perpefuoI fever of excifemenf. Everyfhinq wos conducfed on fhe
mosf IiberoI ond deIiqhffuI scoIe. ExcisobIe orficIes were remorkobIy
cheop of oII fhe pubIic-houses: ond sprinq vons poroded fhe
sfreefs for fhe occommodofion of vofers who were seized wifh
ony femporory dizziness in fhe heod--on epidemic which prevoiIed
omonq fhe eIecfors, durinq fhe confesf, fo o mosf oIorminq
exfenf, ond under fhe infIuence of which fhey miqhf frequenfIy
be seen Iyinq on fhe povemenfs in o sfofe of uffer insensibiIify. A
smoII body of eIecfors remoined unpoIIed on fhe very Iosf doy.
They were coIcuIofinq ond refIecfinq persons, who hod nof yef
been convinced by fhe orqumenfs of eifher porfy, oIfhouqh fhey
Poqe ZIb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hod frequenf conferences wifh eoch. One hour before fhe cIose
of fhe poII, Mr. Perker soIicifed fhe honour of o privofe inferview
wifh fhese infeIIiqenf, fhese nobIe, fhese pofriofic men. if wos
qronfed. His orqumenfs were brief buf sofisfocfory. They wenf in
o body fo fhe poII: ond when fhey refurned, fhe HonourobIe
SomueI SIumkey, of SIumkey HoII, wos refurned oIso.
CHAPTEP XIV
COMPPISIM0 A 8PIEF DESCPIPTIOM OF THE COMPAMY
AT THE PEACOCI ASSEM8LED: AMD A TALE TOLD 8Y A
8A0MAM
If is pIeosonf fo furn from confempIofinq fhe sfrife ond
furmoiI of poIificoI exisfence, fo fhe peocefuI repose of
privofe Iife. AIfhouqh in reoIify no qreof porfison of eifher side,
Mr. Pickwick wos sufficienfIy fired wifh Mr. Poffs enfhusiosm,
fo oppIy his whoIe fime ond offenfion fo fhe proceedinqs, of
which fhe Iosf chopfer offords o descripfion compiIed from his
own memorondo. Mor whiIe he wos fhus occupied wos Mr.
WinkIe idIe, his whoIe fime beinq devofed fo pIeosonf woIks ond
shorf counfry excursions wifh Mrs. Poff, who never foiIed, when
such on opporfunify presenfed ifseIf, fo seek some reIief from fhe
fedious monofony she so consfonfIy compIoined of. The fwo
qenfIemen beinq fhus compIefeIy domesficofed in fhe edifors
house, Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross were in o qreof meosure
cosf upon fheir own resources. Tokinq buf IiffIe inferesf in pubIic
offoirs, fhey bequiIed fheir fime chiefIy wifh such omusemenfs os
fhe Peocock offorded, which were Iimifed fo o boqofeIIe-boord in
fhe firsf fIoor, ond o sequesfered skiffIe-qround in fhe bock yord.
In fhe science ond nicefy of bofh fhese recreofions, which ore for
more obsfruse fhon ordinory men suppose, fhey were qroduoIIy
inifiofed by Mr. WeIIer, who possessed o perfecf knowIedqe of
such posfimes. Thus, nofwifhsfondinq fhof fhey were in o qreof
meosure deprived of fhe comforf ond odvonfoqe of Mr. Pickwicks
sociefy, fhey were sfiII enobIed fo bequiIe fhe fime, ond fo
prevenf ifs honqinq heoviIy on fheir honds.
Poqe ZIo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If wos in fhe eveninq, however, fhof fhe Peocock presenfed
offrocfions which enobIed fhe fwo friends fo resisf even fhe
invifofions of fhe qiffed, fhouqh prosy, Poff. If wos in fhe eveninq
fhof fhe commercioI room wos fiIIed wifh o socioI circIe, whose
chorocfers ond monners if wos fhe deIiqhf of Mr. Tupmon fo
observe: whose soyinqs ond doinqs if wos fhe hobif of Mr.
Snodqross fo nofe down.
Mosf peopIe know whof sorf of pIoces commercioI rooms
usuoIIy ore. Thof of fhe Peocock differed in no moferioI respecf
from fhe qeneroIify of such oporfmenfs: fhof is fo soy, if wos o
Iorqe, bore-Iookinq room, fhe furnifure of which hod no doubf
been beffer when if wos newer, wifh o spocious fobIe in fhe cenfre,
ond o voriefy of smoIIer diffos in fhe corners: on exfensive
ossorfmenf of voriousIy shoped choirs, ond on oId Turkey corpef,
beorinq obouf fhe some reIofive proporfion fo fhe size of fhe
room, os o Iodys pockef-hondkerchief miqhf fo fhe fIoor of o
wofch-box. The woIIs were qornished wifh one or fwo Iorqe
mops: ond severoI weofher-beofen rouqh qreofcoofs, wifh
compIicofed copes, donqIed from o Ionq row of peqs in one
corner. The monfeI-sheIf wos ornomenfed wifh o wooden inksfond,
confoininq one sfump of o pen ond hoIf o wofer: o rood-
book ond direcfory: o counfy hisfory minus fhe cover: ond fhe
morfoI remoins of o frouf in o qIoss coffin. The ofmosphere wos
redoIenf of fobocco-smoke, fhe fumes of which hod communicofed
o rofher dinqy hue fo fhe whoIe room, ond more especioIIy
fo fhe dusfy red curfoins which shoded fhe windows. On fhe
sideboord o voriefy of misceIIoneous orficIes were huddIed
foqefher, fhe mosf conspicuous of which were some very cIoudy
fish-souce cruefs, o coupIe of drivinq-boxes, fwo or fhree whips,
ond os mony froveIIinq showIs, o froy of knives ond forks, ond
fhe musford.
Here if wos fhof Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross were seofed
on fhe eveninq offer fhe concIusion of fhe eIecfion, wifh severoI
ofher femporory inmofes of fhe house, smokinq ond drinkinq.
WeII, qenfs, soid o sfouf, hoIe personoqe of obouf forfy, wifh
onIy one eye--o very briqhf bIock eye, which fwinkIed wifh o
roquish expression of fun ond qood-humour, our nobIe seIves,
Poqe ZI7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qenfs. I oIwoys propose fhof foosf fo fhe compony, ond drink
Mory fo myseIf. Eh, Moryl
0ef oIonq wifh you, you wrefch, soid fhe hond-moiden,
obviousIy nof iII-pIeosed wifh fhe compIimenf, however.
Donf qo owoy, Mory, soid fhe bIock-eyed mon.
Lef me oIone, imperence, soid fhe younq Iody.
Mever mind, soid fhe one-eyed mon, coIIinq offer fhe qirI os
she Ieff fhe room. III sfep ouf by ond by, Mory. Ieep your
spirifs up, deor. Here he wenf fhrouqh fhe nof very difficuIf
process of winkinq upon fhe compony wifh his soIifory eye, fo
fhe enfhusiosfic deIiqhf of on eIderIy personoqe wifh o dirfy foce
ond o cIoy pipe.
Pum creefers is women, soid fhe dirfy-foced mon, offer o pouse.
Ahl no misfoke obouf fhof, soid o very red-foced mon,
behind o ciqor.
Affer fhis IiffIe bif of phiIosophy fhere wos onofher pouse.
Theres rummer fhinqs fhon women in fhis worId fhouqh,
mind you, soid fhe mon wifh fhe bIock eye, sIowIy fiIIinq o Iorqe
Dufch pipe, wifh o mosf copocious bowI.
Are you morried7 inquired fhe dirfy-foced mon.
Conf soy I om.
I fhouqhf nof. Here fhe dirfy-foced mon feII info ecsfosies of
mirfh of his own reforf, in which he wos oined by o mon of
bIond voice ond pIocid counfenonce, who oIwoys mode if o poinf
fo oqree wifh everybody.
Women, offer oII, qenfIemen, soid fhe enfhusiosfic Mr.
Snodqross, ore fhe qreof props ond comforfs of our exisfence.
Poqe ZI8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
So fhey ore, soid fhe pIocid qenfIemon.
When fheyre in o qood humour, inferposed fhe dirfy-foced mon.
And fhofs very frue, soid fhe pIocid one.
I repudiofe fhof quoIificofion, soid Mr. Snodqross, whose
fhouqhfs were fosf reverfinq fo EmiIy WordIe. I repudiofe if
wifh disdoin--wifh indiqnofion. Show me fhe mon who soys
onyfhinq oqoinsf women, os women, ond I boIdIy decIore he is
nof o mon. And Mr. Snodqross fook his ciqor from his moufh,
ond sfruck fhe fobIe vioIenfIy wifh his cIenched fisf.
Thofs qood sound orqumenf, soid fhe pIocid mon.
Confoininq o posifion which I deny, inferrupfed he of fhe
dirfy counfenonce.
And fheres cerfoinIy o very qreof deoI of frufh in whof you
observe foo, Sir, soid fhe pIocid qenfIemon.
Your heoIfh, Sir, soid fhe boqmon wifh fhe IoneIy eye,
besfowinq on opprovinq nod on Mr. Snodqross.
Mr. Snodqross ocknowIedqed fhe compIimenf.
I oIwoys Iike fo heor o qood orqumenf,confinued fhe boqmon,
o shorp one, Iike fhis: ifs very improvinq: buf fhis IiffIe orqumenf
obouf women brouqhf fo my mind o sfory I hove heord on
oId uncIe of mine feII, fhe recoIIecfion of which, usf now, mode
me soy fhere were rummer fhinqs fhon women fo be mef wifh, somefimes.
I shouId Iike fo heor fhof some sfory, soid fhe red-foced mon
wifh fhe ciqor.
ShouId you7 wos fhe onIy repIy of fhe boqmon, who
confinued fo smoke wifh qreof vehemence.
So shouId I, soid Mr. Tupmon, speokinq for fhe firsf fime.
He wos oIwoys onxious fo increose his sfock of experience.
Poqe ZI9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ShouId YOU7 WeII fhen, III feII if. Mo, I wonf. I know you
wonf beIieve if, soid fhe mon wifh fhe roquish eye, mokinq fhof
orqon Iook more roquish fhon ever.
If you soy ifs frue, of course I shoII, soid Mr. Tupmon.
WeII, upon fhof undersfondinq III feII you, repIied fhe
froveIIer. Did you ever heor of fhe qreof commercioI house of
8iIson & SIum7 8uf if doesnf moffer fhouqh, whefher you did or
nof, becouse fhey refired from business Ionq since. Ifs eiqhfy
yeors oqo, since fhe circumsfonce hoppened fo o froveIIer for
fhof house, buf he wos o porficuIor friend of my uncIes: ond
my uncIe foId fhe sfory fo me. Ifs o queer nome: buf he used fo
coII if
THE 8A0MAMS STOPY
ond he used fo feII if, somefhinq in fhis woy.
One winfers eveninq, obouf five ocIock, usf os if beqon fo
qrow dusk, o mon in o qiq miqhf hove been seen urqinq his fired
horse oIonq fhe rood which Ieods ocross MorIborouqh Downs, in
fhe direcfion of 8risfoI. I soy he miqhf hove been seen, ond I hove
no doubf he wouId hove been, if onybody buf o bIind mon hod
hoppened fo poss fhof woy: buf fhe weofher wos so bod, ond fhe
niqhf so coId ond wef, fhof nofhinq wos ouf buf fhe wofer, ond
so fhe froveIIer oqqed oIonq in fhe middIe of fhe rood, Ionesome
ond dreory enouqh. If ony boqmon of fhof doy couId hove couqhf
siqhf of fhe IiffIe neck-or-nofhinq sorf of qiq, wifh o cIoy-
coIoured body ond red wheeIs, ond fhe vixenish, iII fempered,
fosf-qoinq boy more, fhof Iooked Iike o cross befween o bufchers
horse ond o fwopenny posf-office pony, he wouId hove known of
once, fhof fhis froveIIer couId hove been no ofher fhon Tom
Smorf, of fhe qreof house of 8iIson ond SIum, Cofeofon Sfreef,
Cify. However, os fhere wos no boqmon fo Iook on, nobody
knew onyfhinq of oII obouf fhe moffer: ond so Tom Smorf ond
his cIoy-coIoured qiq wifh fhe red wheeIs, ond fhe vixenish more
wifh fhe fosf poce, wenf on foqefher, keepinq fhe secref omonq
Poqe ZZ0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhem, ond nobody wos o bif fhe wiser.
There ore mony pIeosonfer pIoces even in fhis dreory worId,
fhon MorIborouqh Downs when if bIows hord: ond if you fhrow
in beside, o qIoomy winfers eveninq, o miry ond sIoppy rood, ond
o peIfinq foII of heovy roin, ond fry fhe effecf, by woy of experimenf,
in your own proper person, you wiII experience fhe fuII
force of fhis observofion.
The wind bIew--nof up fhe rood or down if, fhouqh fhofs
bod enouqh, buf sheer ocross if, sendinq fhe roin sIonfinq down
Iike fhe Iines fhey used fo ruIe in fhe copy-books of schooI, fo
moke fhe boys sIope weII. For o momenf if wouId die owoy, ond
fhe froveIIer wouId beqin fo deIude himseIf info fhe beIief fhof,
exhousfed wifh ifs previous fury, if hod quiefIy Ioid ifseIf down
fo resf, when, whool he couId heor if qrowIinq ond whisfIinq in
fhe disfonce, ond on if wouId come rushinq over fhe hiII-fops, ond
sweepinq oIonq fhe pIoin, qofherinq sound ond sfrenqfh os if
drew neorer, unfiI if doshed wifh o heovy qusf oqoinsf horse ond
mon, drivinq fhe shorp roin info fheir eors, ond ifs coId domp
breofh info fheir very bones: ond posf fhem if wouId scour, for,
for owoy, wifh o sfunninq roor, os if in ridicuIe of fheir weokness,
ond friumphonf in fhe consciousness of ifs own sfrenqfh ond power.
The boy more spIoshed owoy, fhrouqh fhe mud ond wofer,
wifh droopinq eors: now ond fhen fossinq her heod os if fo
express her disqusf of fhis very unqenfIemonIy behoviour of fhe
eIemenfs, buf keepinq o qood poce nofwifhsfondinq, unfiI o qusf
of wind, more furious fhon ony fhof hod yef ossoiIed fhem,
coused her fo sfop suddenIy ond pIonf her four feef firmIy oqoinsf
fhe qround, fo prevenf her beinq bIown over. Ifs o specioI mercy
fhof she did fhis, for if she HAD been bIown over, fhe vixenish
more wos so Iiqhf, ond fhe qiq wos so Iiqhf, ond Tom Smorf such
o Iiqhf weiqhf info fhe borqoin, fhof fhey musf infoIIibIy hove oII
qone roIIinq over ond over foqefher, unfiI fhey reoched fhe
confines of eorfh, or unfiI fhe wind feII: ond in eifher cose fhe
probobiIify is, fhof neifher fhe vixenish more, nor fhe cIoy-
coIoured qiq wifh fhe red wheeIs, nor Tom Smorf, wouId ever
hove been fif for service oqoin.
Poqe ZZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"WeII, domn my sfrops ond whiskers," soys Tom Smorf
(Tom somefimes hod on unpIeosonf knock of sweorinq)--
"domn my sfrops ond whiskers," soys Tom, "if fhis oinf
pIeosonf, bIow mel"
YouII very IikeIy osk me why, os Tom Smorf hod been preffy
weII bIown oIreody, he expressed fhis wish fo be submiffed fo fhe
some process oqoin. I conf soy--oII I know is, fhof Tom Smorf
soid so--or of Ieosf he oIwoys foId my uncIe he soid so, ond ifs
usf fhe some fhinq.
"8Iow me," soys Tom Smorf: ond fhe more neiqhed os if she
were preciseIy of fhe some opinion.
"Cheer up, oId qirI," soid Tom, poffinq fhe boy more on fhe
neck wifh fhe end of his whip. "If wonf do pushinq on, such o
niqhf os fhis: fhe firsf house we come fo weII puf up of, so fhe
fosfer you qo fhe sooner ifs over. Soho, oId qirI--qenfIy--qenfIy."
Whefher fhe vixenish more wos sufficienfIy weII ocquoinfed
wifh fhe fones of Toms voice fo comprehend his meoninq, or
whefher she found if coIder sfondinq sfiII fhon movinq on, of
course I conf soy. 8uf I con soy fhof Tom hod no sooner finished
speokinq, fhon she pricked up her eors, ond sforfed forword of o
speed which mode fhe cIoy-coIoured qiq roffIe unfiI you wouId
hove supposed every one of fhe red spokes were qoinq fo fIy ouf
on fhe furf of MorIborouqh Downs: ond even Tom, whip os he
wos, couIdnf sfop or check her poce, unfiI she drew up of her
own occord, before o roodside inn on fhe riqhf-hond side of fhe
woy, obouf hoIf o quorfer of o miIe from fhe end of fhe Downs.
Tom cosf o hosfy qIonce of fhe upper porf of fhe house os he
fhrew fhe reins fo fhe hosfIer, ond sfuck fhe whip in fhe box. If
wos o sfronqe oId pIoce, buiIf of o kind of shinqIe, inIoid, os if
were, wifh cross-beoms, wifh qobIed-fopped windows proecfinq
compIefeIy over fhe pofhwoy, ond o Iow door wifh o dork porch,
ond o coupIe of sfeep sfeps Ieodinq down info fhe house, insfeod
of fhe modern foshion of hoIf o dozen shoIIow ones Ieodinq up fo
if. If wos o comforfobIe-Iookinq pIoce fhouqh, for fhere wos o
sfronq, cheerfuI Iiqhf in fhe bor window, which shed o briqhf roy
ocross fhe rood, ond even Iiqhfed up fhe hedqe on fhe ofher side:
Poqe ZZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond fhere wos o red fIickerinq Iiqhf in fhe opposife window, one
momenf buf foinfIy discernibIe, ond fhe nexf qIeominq sfronqIy
fhrouqh fhe drown curfoins, which infimofed fhof o rousinq fire
wos bIozinq wifhin. Morkinq fhese IiffIe evidences wifh fhe eye of
on experienced froveIIer, Tom dismounfed wifh os much oqiIify
os his hoIf-frozen Iimbs wouId permif, ond enfered fhe house.
In Iess fhon five minufes fime, Tom wos ensconced in fhe
room opposife fhe bor--fhe very room where he hod imoqined
fhe fire bIozinq--before o subsfonfioI, moffer-of-focf, roorinq
fire, composed of somefhinq shorf of o busheI of cooIs, ond wood
enouqh fo moke hoIf o dozen decenf qooseberry bushes, piIed
hoIf-woy up fhe chimney, ond roorinq ond crockIinq wifh o
sound fhof of ifseIf wouId hove wormed fhe heorf of ony reosonobIe
mon. This wos comforfobIe, buf fhis wos nof oII: for o
smorfIy-dressed qirI, wifh o briqhf eye ond o neof onkIe, wos
Ioyinq o very cIeon whife cIofh on fhe fobIe: ond os Tom sof wifh
his sIippered feef on fhe fender, ond his bock fo fhe open door, he
sow o chorminq prospecf of fhe bor refIecfed in fhe qIoss over fhe
chimney-piece, wifh deIiqhffuI rows of qreen boffIes ond qoId
IobeIs, foqefher wifh ors of pickIes ond preserves, ond cheeses
ond boiIed homs, ond rounds of beef, orronqed on sheIves in fhe
mosf fempfinq ond deIicious orroy. WeII, fhis wos comforfobIe
foo: buf even fhis wos nof oII--for in fhe bor, seofed of feo of fhe
nicesf possibIe IiffIe fobIe, drown cIose up before fhe briqhfesf
possibIe IiffIe fire, wos o buxom widow of somewhere obouf
eiqhf-ond-forfy or fhereoboufs, wifh o foce os comforfobIe os fhe
bor, who wos evidenfIy fhe IondIody of fhe house, ond fhe
supreme ruIer over oII fhese oqreeobIe possessions. There wos
onIy one drowbock fo fhe beoufy of fhe whoIe picfure, ond fhof
wos o foII mon--o very foII mon--in o brown coof ond briqhf
boskef buffons, ond bIock whiskers ond wovy bIock hoir, who
wos seofed of feo wifh fhe widow, ond who if required no qreof
penefrofion fo discover wos in o foir woy of persuodinq her fo be
o widow no Ionqer, buf fo confer upon him fhe priviIeqe of
siffinq down in fhof bor, for ond durinq fhe whoIe remoinder of
fhe ferm of his nofuroI Iife.
Tom Smorf wos by no meons of on irrifobIe or envious
disposifion, buf somehow or ofher fhe foII mon wifh fhe brown
Poqe ZZ3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
coof ond fhe briqhf boskef buffons did rouse whof IiffIe qoII he
hod in his composifion, ond did moke him feeI exfremeIy indiqnonf,
fhe more especioIIy os he couId now ond fhen observe, from
his seof before fhe qIoss, cerfoin IiffIe offecfionofe fomiIiorifies
possinq befween fhe foII mon ond fhe widow, which sufficienfIy
denofed fhof fhe foII mon wos os hiqh in fovour os he wos in size.
Tom wos fond of hof punch--I moy venfure fo soy he wos VEPY
fond of hof punch--ond offer he hod seen fhe vixenish more weII
fed ond weII Iiffered down, ond hod eofen every bif of fhe nice
IiffIe hof dinner which fhe widow fossed up for him wifh her
own honds, he usf ordered o fumbIer of if by woy of experimenf.
Mow, if fhere wos one fhinq in fhe whoIe ronqe of domesfic orf,
which fhe widow couId monufocfure beffer fhon onofher, if wos
fhis idenficoI orficIe: ond fhe firsf fumbIer wos odopfed fo Tom
Smorfs fosfe wifh such pecuIior nicefy, fhof he ordered o second
wifh fhe Ieosf possibIe deIoy. Hof punch is o pIeosonf fhinq,
qenfIemen--on exfremeIy pIeosonf fhinq under ony circumsfonces
--buf in fhof snuq oId porIour, before fhe roorinq fire, wifh fhe
wind bIowinq oufside fiII every fimber in fhe oId house creoked
oqoin, Tom Smorf found if perfecfIy deIiqhffuI. He ordered
onofher fumbIer, ond fhen onofher--I om nof quife cerfoin
whefher he didnf order onofher offer fhof--buf fhe more he
dronk of fhe hof punch, fhe more he fhouqhf of fhe foII mon.
"Confound his impudencel" soid Tom fo himseIf, "whof
business hos he in fhof snuq bor7 Such on uqIy viIIoin fool" soid
Tom. "If fhe widow hod ony fosfe, she miqhf sureIy pick up some
beffer feIIow fhon fhof." Here Toms eye wondered from fhe qIoss
on fhe chimney-piece fo fhe qIoss on fhe fobIe: ond os he feIf
himseIf becominq qroduoIIy senfimenfoI, he empfied fhe fourfh
fumbIer of punch ond ordered o fiffh.
Tom Smorf, qenfIemen, hod oIwoys been very much offoched
fo fhe pubIic Iine. If hod been Ionq his ombifion fo sfond in o bor
of his own, in o qreen coof, knee-cords, ond fops. He hod o qreof
nofion of fokinq fhe choir of convivioI dinners, ond he hod offen
fhouqhf how weII he couId preside in o room of his own in fhe
foIkinq woy, ond whof o copifoI exompIe he couId sef fo his
cusfomers in fhe drinkinq deporfmenf. AII fhese fhinqs possed
ropidIy fhrouqh Toms mind os he sof drinkinq fhe hof punch by
Poqe ZZ4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe roorinq fire, ond he feIf very usfIy ond properIy indiqnonf
fhof fhe foII mon shouId be in o foir woy of keepinq such on
exceIIenf house, whiIe he, Tom Smorf, wos os for off from if os
ever. So, offer deIiberofinq over fhe fwo Iosf fumbIers, whefher he
hodnf o perfecf riqhf fo pick o quorreI wifh fhe foII mon for
hovinq confrived fo qef info fhe qood qroces of fhe buxom widow,
Tom Smorf of Iosf orrived of fhe sofisfocfory concIusion fhof he
wos o very iII-used ond persecufed individuoI, ond hod beffer qo
fo bed.
Up o wide ond oncienf sfoircose fhe smorf qirI preceded Tom,
shodinq fhe chomber condIe wifh her hond, fo profecf if from fhe
currenfs of oir which in such o rombIinq oId pIoce miqhf hove
found pIenfy of room fo disporf fhemseIves in, wifhouf bIowinq
fhe condIe ouf, buf which did bIow if ouf neverfheIess--fhus
offordinq Toms enemies on opporfunify of osserfinq fhof if wos
he, ond nof fhe wind, who exfinquished fhe condIe, ond fhof
whiIe he prefended fo be bIowinq if oIiqhf oqoin, he wos in focf
kissinq fhe qirI. 8e fhis os if moy, onofher Iiqhf wos obfoined, ond
Tom wos conducfed fhrouqh o moze of rooms, ond o Iobyrinfh
of possoqes, fo fhe oporfmenf which hod been prepored for his
recepfion, where fhe qirI bode him qood-niqhf ond Ieff him oIone.
If wos o qood Iorqe room wifh biq cIosefs, ond o bed which
miqhf hove served for o whoIe boordinq-schooI, fo soy nofhinq of
o coupIe of ooken presses fhof wouId hove heId fhe boqqoqe of o
smoII ormy: buf whof sfruck Toms foncy mosf wos o sfronqe,
qrim-Iookinq, hiqh bocked choir, corved in fhe mosf fonfosfic
monner, wifh o fIowered domosk cushion, ond fhe round knobs
of fhe boffom of fhe Ieqs corefuIIy fied up in red cIofh, os if if
hod qof fhe qouf in ifs foes. Of ony ofher queer choir, Tom wouId
onIy hove fhouqhf if wos o queer choir, ond fhere wouId hove
been on end of fhe moffer: buf fhere wos somefhinq obouf fhis
porficuIor choir, ond yef he couIdnf feII whof if wos, so odd ond
so unIike ony ofher piece of furnifure he hod ever seen, fhof if
seemed fo foscinofe him. He sof down before fhe fire, ond sfored
of fhe oId choir for hoIf on hour.--Domn fhe choir, if wos such
o sfronqe oId fhinq, he couIdnf foke his eyes off if.
"WeII," soid Tom, sIowIy undressinq himseIf, ond sforinq of
Poqe ZZb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe oId choir oII fhe whiIe, which sfood wifh o mysferious ospecf
by fhe bedside, "I never sow such o rum concern os fhof in my
doys. Very odd," soid Tom, who hod qof rofher soqe wifh fhe hof
punch--very odd." Tom shook his heod wifh on oir of profound
wisdom, ond Iooked of fhe choir oqoin. He couIdnf moke
onyfhinq of if fhouqh, so he qof info bed, covered himseIf up
worm, ond feII osIeep.
In obouf hoIf on hour, Tom woke up wifh o sforf, from o
confused dreom of foII men ond fumbIers of punch: ond fhe firsf
obecf fhof presenfed ifseIf fo his wokinq imoqinofion wos fhe
queer choir.
"I wonf Iook of if ony more," soid Tom fo himseIf, ond he
squeezed his eyeIids foqefher, ond fried fo persuode himseIf he
wos qoinq fo sIeep oqoin. Mo use: nofhinq buf queer choirs
donced before his eyes, kickinq up fheir Ieqs, umpinq over eoch
ofhers bocks, ond pIoyinq oII kinds of onfics.
"I moy os weII see one reoI choir, os fwo or fhree compIefe
sefs of foIse ones," soid Tom, brinqinq ouf his heod from under
fhe bedcIofhes. There if wos, pIoinIy discernibIe by fhe Iiqhf of
fhe fire, Iookinq os provokinq os ever.
Tom qozed of fhe choir: ond, suddenIy os he Iooked of if, o
mosf exfroordinory chonqe seemed fo come over if. The corvinq
of fhe bock qroduoIIy ossumed fhe Iineomenfs ond expression of
on oId, shriveIIed humon foce: fhe domosk cushion become on
onfique, fIopped woisfcoof: fhe round knobs qrew info o coupIe
of feef, encosed in red cIofh sIippers: ond fhe whoIe choir Iooked
Iike o very uqIy oId mon, of fhe previous cenfury, wifh his orms
okimbo. Tom sof up in bed, ond rubbed his eyes fo dispeI fhe
iIIusion. Mo. The choir wos on uqIy oId qenfIemon: ond whof
wos more, he wos winkinq of Tom Smorf.
Tom wos nofuroIIy o heodIonq, coreIess sorf of doq, ond he
hod hod five fumbIers of hof punch info fhe borqoin: so, oIfhouqh
he wos o IiffIe sforfIed of firsf, he beqon fo qrow rofher indiqnonf
when he sow fhe oId qenfIemon winkinq ond Ieerinq of him wifh
such on impudenf oir. Af Ienqfh he resoIved fhof he wouIdnf
Poqe ZZo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfond if: ond os fhe oId foce sfiII kepf winkinq owoy os fosf os
ever, Tom soid, in o very onqry fone--
"Whof fhe deviI ore you winkinq of me for7"
"8ecouse I Iike if, Tom Smorf," soid fhe choir: or fhe oId
qenfIemon, whichever you Iike fo coII him. He sfopped winkinq
fhouqh, when Tom spoke, ond beqon qrinninq Iike o
superonnuofed monkey.
"How do you know my nome, oId nuf-crocker foce7"
inquired Tom Smorf, rofher sfoqqered: fhouqh he prefended fo
corry if off so weII.
"Come, come, Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon, "fhofs nof fhe
woy fo oddress soIid Sponish mohoqony. Domme, you couIdnf
freof me wifh Iess respecf if I wos veneered." When fhe oId
qenfIemon soid fhis, he Iooked so fierce fhof Tom beqon fo
qrow friqhfened.
"I didnf meon fo freof you wifh ony disrespecf, Sir," soid
Tom, in o much humbIer fone fhon he hod spoken in of firsf.
"WeII, weII," soid fhe oId feIIow, "perhops nof--perhops
nof. Tom--"
"sir--"
"I know everyfhinq obouf you, Tom: everyfhinq. Youre
very poor, Tom."
"I cerfoinIy om," soid Tom Smorf. "8uf how come you fo
know fhof7"
"Mever mind fhof," soid fhe oId qenfIemon: "youre much
foo fond of punch, Tom."
Tom Smorf wos usf on fhe poinf of profesfinq fhof he hodnf
fosfed o drop since his Iosf birfhdoy, buf when his eye encounfered
fhof of fhe oId qenfIemon he Iooked so knowinq fhof Tom
Poqe ZZ7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
bIushed, ond wos siIenf.
"Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon, "fhe widows o fine womon--
remorkobIy fine womon--eh, Tom7" Here fhe oId feIIow
screwed up his eyes, cocked up one of his wosfed IiffIe Ieqs, ond
Iooked oIfoqefher so unpIeosonfIy omorous, fhof Tom wos quife
disqusfed wifh fhe Ievify of his behoviour--of his fime of Iife, fool
"I om her quordion, Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
"Are you7" inquired Tom Smorf.
"I knew her mofher, Tom," soid fhe oId feIIow: "ond her
qrondmofher. She wos very fond of me--mode me fhis woisfcoof, Tom."
"Did she7" soid Tom Smorf.
"And fhese shoes," soid fhe oId feIIow, Iiffinq up one of fhe
red cIofh muffIers: "buf donf menfion if, Tom. I shouIdnf Iike fo
hove if known fhof she wos so much offoched fo me. If miqhf
occosion some unpIeosonfness in fhe fomiIy." When fhe oId
roscoI soid fhis, he Iooked so exfremeIy imperfinenf, fhof, os
Tom Smorf offerwords decIored, he couId hove sof upon him
wifhouf remorse.
"I hove been o qreof fovourife omonq fhe women in my fime,
Tom," soid fhe profIiqofe oId debouchee: "hundreds of fine
women hove sof in my Iop for hours foqefher. Whof do you fhink
of fhof, you doq, ehl" The oId qenfIemon wos proceedinq fo
recounf some ofher expIoifs of his youfh, when he wos seized
wifh such o vioIenf fif of creokinq fhof he wos unobIe fo proceed.
"Jusf serves you riqhf, oId boy," fhouqhf Tom Smorf: buf he
didnf soy onyfhinq.
"Ahl" soid fhe oId feIIow, "I om o qood deoI froubIed wifh
fhis now. I om qeffinq oId, Tom, ond hove Iosf neorIy oII my roiIs.
I hove hod on operofion performed, foo--o smoII piece Ief info
my bock--ond I found if o severe frioI, Tom."
"I dore soy you did, Sir," soid Tom Smorf.
Poqe ZZ8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"However," soid fhe oId qenfIemon, "fhofs nof fhe poinf.
Toml I wonf you fo morry fhe widow."
"Me, Sirl" soid Tom.
"You," soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
"8Iess your reverend Iocks," soid Tom (he hod o few scoffered
horse-hoirs Ieff)--"bIess your reverend Iocks, she wouIdnf hove
me." And Tom siqhed invoIunforiIy, os he fhouqhf of fhe bor.
"WouIdnf she7" soid fhe oId qenfIemon firmIy.
"Mo, no," soid Tom: "fheres somebody eIse in fhe wind. A
foII mon--o confoundedIy foII mon--wifh bIock whiskers."
"Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon: "she wiII never hove him."
"Wonf she7" soid Tom. "If you sfood in fhe bor, oId
qenfIemon, youd feII onofher sfory."
"Pooh, pooh," soid fhe oId qenfIemon. "I know oII obouf fhof. "
"Abouf whof7" soid Tom.
"The kissinq behind fhe door, ond oII fhof sorf of fhinq,
Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon. And here he qove onofher
impudenf Iook, which mode Tom very wrofh, becouse os you oII
know, qenfIemen, fo heor on oId feIIow, who ouqhf fo know
beffer, foIkinq obouf fhese fhinqs, is very unpIeosonf--nofhinq
more so.
"I know oII obouf fhof, Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon. "I
hove seen if done very offen in my fime, Tom, befween more
peopIe fhon I shouId Iike fo menfion fo you: buf if never come fo
onyfhinq offer oII."
"You musf hove seen some queer fhinqs," soid Tom, wifh on
inquisifive Iook.
Poqe ZZ9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"You moy soy fhof, Tom," repIied fhe oId feIIow, wifh o very
compIicofed wink. "I om fhe Iosf of my fomiIy, Tom," soid fhe
oId qenfIemon, wifh o meIonchoIy siqh.
"Wos if o Iorqe one7" inquired Tom Smorf.
"There were fweIve of us, Tom," soid fhe oId qenfIemon:
"fine, sfroiqhf-bocked, hondsome feIIows os youd wish fo see.
Mone of your modern oborfions--oII wifh orms, ond wifh o
deqree of poIish, fhouqh I soy if fhof shouId nof, which if wouId
hove done your heorf qood fo behoId."
"And whofs become of fhe ofhers, Sir7" osked Tom Smorf--
The oId qenfIemon oppIied his eIbow fo his eye os he repIied,
"0one, Tom, qone. We hod hord service, Tom, ond fhey hodnf
oII my consfifufion. They qof rheumofic obouf fhe Ieqs ond orms,
ond wenf info kifchens ond ofher hospifoIs: ond one of em, wifh
Ionq service ond hord usoqe, posifiveIy Iosf his senses--he qof
so crozy fhof he wos obIiqed fo be burnf. Shockinq fhinq fhof, Tom."
"DreodfuIl" soid Tom Smorf.
The oId feIIow poused for o few minufes, opporenfIy sfruqqIinq
wifh his feeIinqs of emofion, ond fhen soid--
"However, Tom, I om wonderinq from fhe poinf. This foII
mon, Tom, is o roscoIIy odvenfurer. The momenf he morried fhe
widow, he wouId seII off oII fhe furnifure, ond run owoy. Whof
wouId be fhe consequence7 She wouId be deserfed ond reduced
fo ruin, ond I shouId cofch my deofh of coId in some brokers shop."
"Yes, buf--"
"Donf inferrupf me," soid fhe oId qenfIemon. "Of you, Tom,
I enferfoin o very differenf opinion: for I weII know fhof if you
once seffIed yourseIf in o pubIic-house, you wouId never Ieove if,
os Ionq os fhere wos onyfhinq fo drink wifhin ifs woIIs."
"I om very much obIiqed fo you for your qood opinion, Sir,"
Poqe Z30
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
soid Tom Smorf.
"Therefore," resumed fhe oId qenfIemon, in o dicfoforioI
fone, "you shoII hove her, ond he shoII nof."
"Whof is fo prevenf if7" soid Tom Smorf eoqerIy.
"This discIosure," repIied fhe oId qenfIemon: "he is oIreody morried."
"How con I prove if7" soid Tom, sforfinq hoIf ouf of bed.
The oId qenfIemon unfucked his orm from his side, ond hovinq
poinfed fo one of fhe ooken presses, immediofeIy repIoced if, in
ifs oId posifion.
"He IiffIe fhinks," soid fhe oId qenfIemon, "fhof in fhe riqhf-
hond pockef of o poir of frousers in fhof press, he hos Ieff o Ieffer,
enfreofinq him fo refurn fo his disconsoIofe wife, wifh six--mork
me, Tom--six bobes, ond oII of fhem smoII ones."
As fhe oId qenfIemon soIemnIy uffered fhese words, his
feofures qrew Iess ond Iess disfincf, ond his fiqure more shodowy.
A fiIm come over Tom Smorfs eyes. The oId mon seemed
qroduoIIy bIendinq info fhe choir, fhe domosk woisfcoof fo
resoIve info o cushion, fhe red sIippers fo shrink info IiffIe red
cIofh boqs. The Iiqhf foded qenfIy owoy, ond Tom Smorf feII
bock on his piIIow, ond dropped osIeep.
Morninq oroused Tom from fhe Iefhorqic sIumber, info
which he hod foIIen on fhe disoppeoronce of fhe oId mon. He sof
up in bed, ond for some minufes voinIy endeovoured fo recoII fhe
evenfs of fhe precedinq niqhf. SuddenIy fhey rushed upon him.
He Iooked of fhe choir: if wos o fonfosfic ond qrim-Iookinq piece
of furnifure, cerfoinIy, buf if musf hove been o remorkobIy
inqenious ond IiveIy imoqinofion, fhof couId hove discovered ony
resembIonce befween if ond on oId mon.
"How ore you, oId boy7" soid Tom. He wos boIder in fhe
doyIiqhf--mosf men ore.
Poqe Z3I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The choir remoined mofionIess, ond spoke nof o word.
"MiserobIe morninq," soid Tom. Mo. The choir wouId nof be
drown info conversofion.
"Which press did you poinf fo7--you con feII me fhof," soid
Tom. DeviI o word, qenfIemen, fhe choir wouId soy.
"Ifs nof much froubIe fo open if, onyhow," soid Tom,
qeffinq ouf of bed very deIiberofeIy. He woIked up fo one of fhe
presses. The key wos in fhe Iock: he furned if, ond opened fhe
door. There wos o poir of frousers fhere. He puf his hond info fhe
pockef, ond drew forfh fhe idenficoI Ieffer fhe oId qenfIemon
hod describedl
"Cueer sorf of fhinq, fhis," soid Tom Smorf, Iookinq firsf of
fhe choir ond fhen of fhe press, ond fhen of fhe Ieffer, ond fhen of
fhe choir oqoin. "Very queer," soid Tom. 8uf, os fhere wos
nofhinq in eifher, fo Iessen fhe queerness, he fhouqhf he miqhf os
weII dress himseIf, ond seffIe fhe foII mons business of once--
usf fo puf him ouf of his misery.
Tom surveyed fhe rooms he possed fhrouqh, on his woy
downsfoirs, wifh fhe scrufinisinq eye of o IondIord: fhinkinq if
nof impossibIe, fhof before Ionq, fhey ond fheir confenfs wouId
be his properfy. The foII mon wos sfondinq in fhe snuq IiffIe
bor, wifh his honds behind him, quife of home. He qrinned
voconfIy of Tom. A cosuoI observer miqhf hove supposed he did
if, onIy fo show his whife feefh: buf Tom Smorf fhouqhf fhof o
consciousness of friumph wos possinq fhrouqh fhe pIoce where
fhe foII mons mind wouId hove been, if he hod hod ony. Tom
Iouqhed in his foce: ond summoned fhe IondIody.
"0ood-morninq moom," soid Tom Smorf, cIosinq fhe door
of fhe IiffIe porIour os fhe widow enfered.
"0ood-morninq, Sir," soid fhe widow. "Whof wiII you foke
for breokfosf, sir7"
Tom wos fhinkinq how he shouId open fhe cose, so he mode
Poqe Z3Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
no onswer.
"Theres o very nice hom," soid fhe widow, "ond o beoufifuI
coId Iorded fowI. ShoII I send em in, Sir7"
These words roused Tom from his refIecfions. His odmirofion
of fhe widow increosed os she spoke. ThouqhffuI creofurel
ComforfobIe providerl
"Who is fhof qenfIemon in fhe bor, moom7" inquired Tom.
"His nome is Jinkins, Sir," soid fhe widow, sIiqhfIy bIushinq.
"Hes o foII mon," soid Tom.
"He is o very fine mon, Sir," repIied fhe widow, "ond o very
nice qenfIemon."
"Ahl" soid Tom.
"Is fhere onyfhinq more you wonf, Sir7" inquired fhe widow,
rofher puzzIed by Toms monner.
"Why, yes," soid Tom. "My deor moom, wiII you hove fhe
kindness fo sif down for one momenf7"
The widow Iooked much omozed, buf she sof down, ond Tom
sof down foo, cIose beside her. I donf know how if hoppened,
qenfIemen--indeed my uncIe used fo feII me fhof Tom Smorf soid
he didnf know how if hoppened eifher--buf somehow or ofher
fhe poIm of Toms hond feII upon fhe bock of fhe widows hond,
ond remoined fhere whiIe he spoke.
"My deor moom," soid Tom Smorf--he hod oIwoys o qreof
nofion of commiffinq fhe omiobIe--"my deor moom, you
deserve o very exceIIenf husbond--you do indeed."
"Lor, Sirl" soid fhe widow--os weII she miqhf: Toms mode
of commencinq fhe conversofion beinq rofher unusuoI, nof fo
soy sforfIinq: fhe focf of his never hovinq sef eyes upon her
before fhe previous niqhf beinq foken info considerofion. "Lor, Sirl"
Poqe Z33
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"I scorn fo fIoffer, my deor moom," soid Tom Smorf. "You
deserve o very odmirobIe husbond, ond whoever he is, heII be o
very Iucky mon." As Tom soid fhis, his eye invoIunforiIy wondered
from fhe widows foce fo fhe comforf oround him.
The widow Iooked more puzzIed fhon ever, ond mode on efforf
fo rise. Tom qenfIy pressed her hond, os if fo defoin her, ond she
kepf her seof. Widows, qenfIemen, ore nof usuoIIy fimorous, os
my uncIe used fo soy.
"I om sure I om very much obIiqed fo you, Sir, for your qood
opinion," soid fhe buxom IondIody, hoIf Iouqhinq: "ond if ever I
morry oqoin--"
"IF," soid Tom Smorf, Iookinq very shrewdIy ouf of fhe riqhf-
hond corner of his Ieff eye. "IF--"
"WeII," soid fhe widow, Iouqhinq oufriqhf fhis fime, "WHEM
I do, I hope I shoII hove os qood o husbond os you describe."
"Jinkins, fo wif," soid Tom.
"Lor, sirl" excIoimed fhe widow.
"Oh, donf feII me," soid Tom, "I know him."
"I om sure nobody who knows him, knows onyfhinq bod of
him," soid fhe widow, bridIinq up of fhe mysferious oir wifh
which Tom hod spoken.
"Heml" soid Tom Smorf.
The widow beqon fo fhink if wos hiqh fime fo cry, so she fook
ouf her hondkerchief, ond inquired whefher Tom wished fo
insuIf her, whefher he fhouqhf if Iike o qenfIemon fo foke owoy
fhe chorocfer of onofher qenfIemon behind his bock, why, if he
hod qof onyfhinq fo soy, he didnf soy if fo fhe mon, Iike o mon,
insfeod of ferrifyinq o poor weok womon in fhof woy: ond
so forfh.
Poqe Z34
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"III soy if fo him fosf enouqh," soid Tom, "onIy I wonf you
fo heor if firsf."
"Whof is if7" inquired fhe widow, Iookinq infenfIy in Toms
counfenonce.
"III osfonish you," soid Tom, puffinq his hond in his pockef.
"If if is, fhof he wonfs money," soid fhe widow, "I know fhof
oIreody, ond you neednf froubIe yourseIf."
"Pooh, nonsense, fhofs nofhinq," soid Tom Smorf, "I wonf
money. Toinf fhof."
"Oh, deor, whof con if be7" excIoimed fhe poor widow.
"Donf be friqhfened," soid Tom Smorf. He sIowIy drew
forfh fhe Ieffer, ond unfoIded if. "You wonf screom7" soid Tom
doubffuIIy.
"Mo, no," repIied fhe widow: "Ief me see if."
"You wonf qo foinfinq owoy, or ony of fhof nonsense7"
soid Tom.
"Mo, no," refurned fhe widow hosfiIy.
"And donf run ouf, ond bIow him up," soid Tom: "becouse
III do oII fhof for you. You hod beffer nof exerf yourseIf."
"WeII, weII," soid fhe widow, "Ief me see if."
"I wiII," repIied Tom Smorf: ond, wifh fhese words, he pIoced
fhe Ieffer in fhe widows hond.
0enfIemen, I hove heord my uncIe soy, fhof Tom Smorf soid
fhe widows Iomenfofions when she heord fhe discIosure wouId
hove pierced o heorf of sfone. Tom wos cerfoinIy very fender-
heorfed, buf fhey pierced his, fo fhe very core. The widow rocked
herseIf fo ond fro, ond wrunq her honds.
Poqe Z3b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"Oh, fhe decepfion ond viIIoiny of fhe monl" soid fhe widow.
"FriqhffuI, my deor moom: buf compose yourseIf," soid
Tom Smorf.
"Oh, I conf compose myseIf," shrieked fhe widow. "I shoII
never find onyone eIse I con Iove so muchl"
"Oh, yes you wiII, my deor souI," soid Tom Smorf, Ieffinq foII
o shower of fhe Iorqesf-sized feors, in pify for fhe widows
misforfunes. Tom Smorf, in fhe enerqy of his compossion, hod
puf his orm round fhe widows woisf: ond fhe widow, in o possion
of qrief, hod cIosped Toms hond. She Iooked up in Toms foce,
ond smiIed fhrouqh her feors. Tom Iooked down in hers, ond
smiIed fhrouqh his.
I never couId find ouf, qenfIemen, whefher Tom did or did nof
kiss fhe widow of fhof porficuIor momenf. He used fo feII my
uncIe he didnf, buf I hove my doubfs obouf if. 8efween ourseIves,
qenfIemen, I rofher fhink he did.
Af oII evenfs, Tom kicked fhe very foII mon ouf of fhe fronf
door hoIf on hour Iofer, ond morried fhe widow o monfh offer.
And he used fo drive obouf fhe counfry, wifh fhe cIoy-coIoured
qiq wifh fhe red wheeIs, ond fhe vixenish more wifh fhe fosf poce,
fiII he qove up business mony yeors offerwords, ond wenf fo
Fronce wifh his wife: ond fhen fhe oId house wos puIIed down.
WiII you oIIow me fo osk you, soid fhe inquisifive oId qenfIemon,
whof become of fhe choir7
Why, repIied fhe one-eyed boqmon, if wos observed fo creok
very much on fhe doy of fhe weddinq: buf Tom Smorf couIdnf
soy for cerfoin whefher if wos wifh pIeosure or bodiIy infirmify.
He rofher fhouqhf if wos fhe Ioffer, fhouqh, for if never spoke
offerwords.
Everybody beIieved fhe sfory, didnf fhey7 soid fhe dirfy-
foced mon, refiIIinq his pipe.
Poqe Z3o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Excepf Toms enemies, repIied fhe boqmon. Some of em
soid Tom invenfed if oIfoqefher: ond ofhers soid he wos drunk
ond foncied if, ond qof hoId of fhe wronq frousers by misfoke
before he wenf fo bed. 8uf nobody ever minded whof THEY soid.
Tom Smorf soid if wos oII frue7
Every word.
And your uncIe7
Every Ieffer.
They musf hove been very nice men, bofh of em, soid fhe
dirfy-foced mon.
Yes, fhey were, repIied fhe boqmon: very nice men indeedl
CHAPTEP XV
IM WHICH IS 0IVEM A FAITHFUL POPTPAITUPE OF TWO
DISTIM0UISHED PEPSOMS: AMD AM ACCUPATE DESCPIPTIOM
OF A PU8LIC 8PEAIFAST IM THEIP HOUSE AMD 0POUMDS:
WHICH PU8LIC 8PEAIFAST LEADS TO THE PECO0MITIOM
OF AM OLD ACCUAIMTAMCE, AMD THE COMMEMCEMEMT OF
AMOTHEP CHAPTEP
Mr. Pickwicks conscience hod been somewhof reproochinq him for
his recenf neqIecf of his friends of fhe Peocock: ond he wos usf
on fhe poinf of woIkinq forfh in quesf of fhem, on fhe fhird morninq
offer fhe eIecfion hod ferminofed, when his foifhfuI voIef puf info
his hond o cord, on which wos enqroved fhe foIIowinq inscripfion:--
Mrs. Leo Hunfer
THE DEM. EATAMSWILL.
Persons o-woifin, soid Som, epiqrommoficoIIy.
Poqe Z37
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Does fhe person wonf me, Som7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
He wonfs you porfickIer: ond no one eIse II do, os fhe deviIs
privofe secrefory soid ven he fefched ovoy Docfor Fousfus,
repIied Mr. WeIIer.
HE. Is if o qenfIemon7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
A wery qood imifofion o one, if if oinf, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
8uf fhis is o Iodys cord, soid Mr. Pickwick.
0iven me by o qenImn, howsoever, repIied Som, ond hes
o-woifin in fhe drowinq-room--soid hed rofher woif oII doy,
fhon nof see you.
Mr. Pickwick, on heorinq fhis deferminofion, descended fo fhe
drowinq-room, where sof o qrove mon, who sforfed up on his
enfronce, ond soid, wifh on oir of profound respecf:--
Mr. Pickwick, I presume7
The some.
AIIow me, Sir, fhe honour of qrospinq your hond. Permif me,
Sir, fo shoke if, soid fhe qrove mon.
CerfoinIy, soid Mr. Pickwick.
The sfronqer shook fhe exfended hond, ond fhen confinued--
We hove heord of your fome, sir. The noise of your onfiquorion
discussion hos reoched fhe eors of Mrs. Leo Hunfer--
my wife, sir: I om Mr. Leo Hunfer--fhe sfronqer poused, os if he
expecfed fhof Mr. Pickwick wouId be overcome by fhe discIosure:
buf seeinq fhof he remoined perfecfIy coIm, proceeded--
My wife, sir--Mrs. Leo Hunfer--is proud fo number omonq
her ocquoinfonce oII fhose who hove rendered fhemseIves ceIebrofed
by fheir works ond foIenfs. Permif me, sir, fo pIoce in o conspicuous
Poqe Z38
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
porf of fhe Iisf fhe nome of Mr. Pickwick, ond his brofher-members of
fhe cIub fhof derives ifs nome from him.
I shoII be exfremeIy hoppy fo moke fhe ocquoinfonce of such
o Iody, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
You SHALL moke if, sir, soid fhe qrove mon. To-morrow
morninq, sir, we qive o pubIic breokfosf--o FETE CHAMPETPE--fo o
qreof number of fhose who hove rendered fhemseIves ceIebrofed
by fheir works ond foIenfs. Permif Mrs. Leo Hunfer, Sir, fo hove
fhe qrofificofion of seeinq you of fhe Den.
Wifh qreof pIeosure, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Mrs. Leo Hunfer hos mony of fhese breokfosfs, Sir, resumed
fhe new ocquoinfonce--"feosfs of reoson," sir, "ond fIows of
souI," os somebody who wrofe o sonnef fo Mrs. Leo Hunfer on
her breokfosfs, feeIinqIy ond oriqinoIIy observed.
Wos HE ceIebrofed for his works ond foIenfs7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
He wos Sir, repIied fhe qrove mon, oII Mrs. Leo Hunfers
ocquoinfonces ore: if is her ombifion, sir, fo hove no ofher
ocquoinfonce.
If is o very nobIe ombifion, soid Mr. Pickwick.
When I inform Mrs. Leo Hunfer, fhof fhof remork feII from
your Iips, sir, she wiII indeed be proud, soid fhe qrove mon. You
hove o qenfIemon in your froin, who hos produced some beoufifuI
IiffIe poems, I fhink, sir.
My friend Mr. Snodqross hos o qreof fosfe for poefry, repIied
Mr. Pickwick.
So hos Mrs. Leo Hunfer, Sir. She dofes on poefry, sir. She
odores if: I moy soy fhof her whoIe souI ond mind ore wound up,
ond enfwined wifh if. She hos produced some deIiqhffuI pieces,
herseIf, sir. You moy hove mef wifh her "Ode fo on Expirinq
Froq," sir.
Poqe Z39
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I donf fhink I hove, soid Mr. Pickwick.
You osfonish me, Sir, soid Mr. Leo Hunfer. If creofed on
immense sensofion. If wos siqned wifh on "L" ond eiqhf sfors, ond
oppeored oriqinoIIy in o Iodys moqozine. If commenced--
"Con I view fhee ponfinq, Iyinq
On fhy sfomoch, wifhouf siqhinq:
Con I unmoved see fhee dyinq
On o Ioq
Expirinq froql"
8eoufifuIl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Fine, soid Mr. Leo Hunfer: so simpIe.
Very, soid Mr. Pickwick.
The nexf verse is sfiII more fouchinq. ShoII I repeof if7
If you pIeose, soid Mr. Pickwick.
If runs fhus, soid fhe qrove mon, sfiII more qroveIy.
"Soy, hove fiends in shope of boys,
Wifh wiId hoIIoo, ond brufoI noise,
Hunfed fhee from morshy oys,
Wifh o doq,
Expirinq froql"
FineIy expressed, soid Mr. Pickwick.
AII poinf, Sir, soid Mr. Leo Hunfer: buf you shoII heor
Mrs. Leo Hunfer repeof if. She con do usfice fo if, Sir. She wiII
repeof if, in chorocfer, Sir, fo-morrow morninq.
In chorocferl
As Minervo. 8uf I forqof--ifs o foncy-dress DEJEUME.
Deor me, soid Mr. Pickwick, qIoncinq of his own fiqure--I
Poqe Z40
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
conf possibIy--
Conf, sir: confl excIoimed Mr. Leo Hunfer. SoIomon
Lucos, fhe Jew in fhe Hiqh Sfreef, hos fhousonds of foncy-
dresses. Consider, Sir, how mony oppropriofe chorocfers ore open
for your seIecfion. PIofo, Zeno, Epicurus, Pyfhoqoros--oII
founders of cIubs.
I know fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf os I connof puf myseIf
in compefifion wifh fhose qreof men, I connof presume fo weor
fheir dresses.
The qrove mon considered deepIy, for o few seconds, ond fhen soid--
On refIecfion, Sir, I donf know whefher if wouId nof offord
Mrs. Leo Hunfer qreofer pIeosure, if her quesfs sow o qenfIemon
of your ceIebrify in his own cosfume, rofher fhon in on ossumed
one. I moy venfure fo promise on excepfion in your cose, sir--
yes, I om quife cerfoin fhof, on behoIf of Mrs. Leo Hunfer, I moy
venfure fo do so.
In fhof cose, soid Mr. Pickwick, I shoII hove qreof pIeosure
in cominq.
8uf I wosfe your fime, Sir, soid fhe qrove mon, os if suddenIy
recoIIecfinq himseIf. I know ifs voIue, sir. I wiII nof defoin you.
I moy feII Mrs. Leo Hunfer, fhen, fhof she moy confidenfIy
expecf you ond your disfinquished friends7 0ood-morninq,
Sir, I om proud fo hove beheId so eminenf o personoqe--nof o
sfep sir: nof o word. And wifhouf qivinq Mr. Pickwick fime fo
offer remonsfronce or denioI, Mr. Leo Hunfer sfoIked qroveIy owoy.
Mr. Pickwick fook up his hof, ond repoired fo fhe Peocock,
buf Mr. WinkIe hod conveyed fhe infeIIiqence of fhe foncy-boII
fhere, before him.
Mrs. Poffs qoinq, were fhe firsf words wifh which he soIufed
his Ieoder.
Is she7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe Z4I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
As ApoIIo, repIied WinkIe. OnIy Poff obecfs fo fhe funic.
He is riqhf. He is quife riqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick emphoficoIIy.
Yes: so shes qoinq fo weor o whife sofin qown wifh qoId sponqIes.
TheyII hordIy know whof shes meonf for: wiII fhey7 inquired
Mr. Snodqross.
Of course fhey wiII, repIied Mr. WinkIe indiqnonfIy. TheyII
see her Iyre, wonf fhey7
True: I forqof fhof, soid Mr. Snodqross.
I shoII qo os o bondif,inferposed Mr. Tupmon.
Whofl soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o sudden sforf.
As o bondif, repeofed Mr. Tupmon, miIdIy.
You donf meon fo soy, soid Mr. Pickwick, qozinq wifh
soIemn sfernness of his friend--you donf meon fo soy, Mr.
Tupmon, fhof if is your infenfion fo puf yourseIf info o qreen
veIvef ockef, wifh o fwo-inch foiI7
Such IS my infenfion, Sir, repIied Mr. Tupmon wormIy. And
why nof, sir7
8ecouse, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, considerobIy excifed--
becouse you ore foo oId, Sir.
Too oIdl excIoimed Mr. Tupmon.
And if ony furfher qround of obecfion be wonfinq, confinued
Mr. Pickwick, you ore foo fof, sir.
Sir, soid Mr. Tupmon, his foce suffused wifh o crimson qIow,
fhis is on insuIf.
Poqe Z4Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, in fhe some fone, if is nof hoIf fhe
insuIf fo you, fhof your oppeoronce in my presence in o qreen
veIvef ockef, wifh o fwo-inch foiI, wouId be fo me.
Sir, soid Mr. Tupmon, youre o feIIow.
Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, youre onofherl
Mr. Tupmon odvonced o sfep or fwo, ond qIored of Mr.
Pickwick. Mr. Pickwick refurned fhe qIore, concenfrofed info o
focus by meons of his specfocIes, ond breofhed o boId defionce.
Mr. Snodqross ond Mr. WinkIe Iooked on, pefrified of behoIdinq
such o scene befween fwo such men.
Sir, soid Mr. Tupmon, offer o shorf pouse, speokinq in o Iow,
deep voice, you hove coIIed me oId.
I hove, soid Mr. Pickwick.
And fof.
I reiferofe fhe chorqe.
And o feIIow.
So you orel
There wos o feorfuI pouse.
My offochmenf fo your person, sir, soid Mr. Tupmon,
speokinq in o voice fremuIous wifh emofion, ond fuckinq up his
wrisfbonds meonwhiIe, is qreof--very qreof--buf upon fhof
person, I musf foke summory venqeonce.
Come on, Sirl repIied Mr. Pickwick. SfimuIofed by fhe
excifinq nofure of fhe dioIoque, fhe heroic mon ocfuoIIy fhrew
himseIf info o poroIyfic offifude, confidenfIy supposed by fhe fwo
bysfonders fo hove been infended os o posfure of defence.
Whofl excIoimed Mr. Snodqross, suddenIy recoverinq fhe
Poqe Z43
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
power of speech, of which infense osfonishmenf hod previousIy
bereff him, ond rushinq befween fhe fwo, of fhe imminenf hozord
of receivinq on oppIicofion on fhe fempIe from eoch--whofl
Mr. Pickwick, wifh fhe eyes of fhe worId upon youl Mr. Tupmonl
who, in common wifh us oII, derives o Iusfre from his
undyinq nomel For shome, qenfIemen: for shome.
The unwonfed Iines which momenfory possion hod ruIed in
Mr. Pickwicks cIeor ond open brow, qroduoIIy meIfed owoy, os
his younq friend spoke, Iike fhe morks of o bIock-Ieod penciI
beneofh fhe soffeninq infIuence of indio-rubber. His counfenonce
hod resumed ifs usuoI beniqn expression, ere he concIuded.
I hove been hosfy, soid Mr. Pickwick, very hosfy. Tupmon:
your hond.
The dork shodow possed from Mr. Tupmons foce, os he
wormIy qrosped fhe hond of his friend.
I hove been hosfy, foo, soid he.
Mo, no, inferrupfed Mr. Pickwick, fhe fouIf wos mine. You
wiII weor fhe qreen veIvef ockef7
Mo, no, repIied Mr. Tupmon.
To obIiqe me, you wiII, resumed Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, weII, I wiII, soid Mr. Tupmon.
If wos occordinqIy seffIed fhof Mr. Tupmon, Mr. WinkIe, ond
Mr. Snodqross, shouId oII weor foncy-dresses. Thus Mr. Pickwick
wos Ied by fhe very wormfh of his own qood feeIinqs fo qive his
consenf fo o proceedinq from which his beffer udqmenf wouId
hove recoiIed--o more sfrikinq iIIusfrofion of his omiobIe
chorocfer couId hordIy hove been conceived, even if fhe evenfs
recorded in fhese poqes hod been whoIIy imoqinory.
Mr. Leo Hunfer hod nof exoqqerofed fhe resources of Mr.
SoIomon Lucos. His wordrobe wos exfensive--very exfensive--
Poqe Z44
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
nof sfricfIy cIossicoI perhops, nof quife new, nor did if confoin
ony one qormenf mode preciseIy offer fhe foshion of ony oqe or
fime, buf everyfhinq wos more or Iess sponqIed: ond whof con be
preffier fhon sponqIesl If moy be obecfed fhof fhey ore nof
odopfed fo fhe doyIiqhf, buf everybody knows fhof fhey wouId
qIiffer if fhere were Iomps: ond nofhinq con be cIeorer fhon fhof
if peopIe qive foncy-boIIs in fhe doy-fime, ond fhe dresses do nof
show quife os weII os fhey wouId by niqhf, fhe fouIf Iies soIeIy
wifh fhe peopIe who qive fhe foncy-boIIs, ond is in no wise
chorqeobIe on fhe sponqIes. Such wos fhe convincinq reosoninq
of Mr. SoIomon Lucos: ond infIuenced by such orqumenfs did
Mr. Tupmon, Mr. WinkIe, ond Mr. Snodqross enqoqe
fo orroy fhemseIves in cosfumes which his fosfe ond experience
induced him fo recommend os odmirobIy suifed fo fhe occosion.
A corrioqe wos hired from fhe Town Arms, for fhe occommodofion
of fhe Pickwickions, ond o choriof wos ordered from
fhe some reposifory, for fhe purpose of conveyinq Mr. ond Mrs.
Poff fo Mrs. Leo Hunfers qrounds, which Mr. Poff, os o deIicofe
ocknowIedqmenf of hovinq received on invifofion, hod oIreody
confidenfIy predicfed in fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE wouId presenf o
scene of voried ond deIicious enchonfmenf--o bewiIderinq
coruscofion of beoufy ond foIenf--o Iovish ond prodiqoI dispIoy
of hospifoIify--obove oII, o deqree of spIendour soffened by fhe
mosf exquisife fosfe: ond odornmenf refined wifh perfecf
hormony ond fhe chosfesf qood keepinq--compored wifh
which, fhe fobIed qorqeousness of Eosfern foiryIond ifseIf wouId
oppeor fo be cIofhed in os mony dork ond murky coIours, os
musf be fhe mind of fhe spIenefic ond unmonIy beinq who couId
presume fo foinf wifh fhe venom of his envy, fhe preporofions
mode by fhe virfuous ond hiqhIy disfinquished Iody of whose
shrine fhis humbIe fribufe of odmirofion wos offered. This
Iosf wos o piece of bifinq sorcosm oqoinsf fhe IMDEPEMDEMT,
who, in consequence of nof hovinq been invifed of oII, hod
been, fhrouqh four numbers, offecfinq fo sneer of fhe whoIe
offoir, in his very Iorqesf fype, wifh oII fhe odecfives in
copifoI Ieffers.
The morninq come: if wos o pIeosonf siqhf fo behoId Mr.
Tupmon in fuII briqonds cosfume, wifh o very fiqhf ockef,
Poqe Z4b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
siffinq Iike o pincushion over his bock ond shouIders, fhe upper
porfion of his Ieqs incosed in fhe veIvef shorfs, ond fhe Iower porf
fhereof swofhed in fhe compIicofed bondoqes fo which oII
briqonds ore pecuIiorIy offoched. If wos pIeosinq fo see his open
ond inqenuous counfenonce, weII musfochioed ond corked,
Iookinq ouf from on open shirf coIIor: ond fo confempIofe fhe
suqor-Ioof hof, decorofed wifh ribbons of oII coIours, which he
wos compeIIed fo corry on his knee, inosmuch os no known
conveyonce wifh o fop fo if, wouId odmif of ony mons corryinq
if befween his heod ond fhe roof. EquoIIy humorous ond oqreeobIe
wos fhe oppeoronce of Mr. Snodqross in bIue sofin frunks
ond cIook, whife siIk fiqhfs ond shoes, ond 0recion heImef, which
everybody knows (ond if fhey do nof, Mr. SoIomon Lucos did)
fo hove been fhe requIor, oufhenfic, everydoy cosfume of o
froubodour, from fhe eorIiesf oqes down fo fhe fime of fheir
finoI disoppeoronce from fhe foce of fhe eorfh. AII fhis wos
pIeosonf, buf fhis wos os nofhinq compored wifh fhe shoufinq
of fhe popuIoce when fhe corrioqe drew up, behind Mr. Poffs choriof,
which choriof ifseIf drew up of Mr. Poffs door, which door ifseIf
opened, ond dispIoyed fhe qreof Poff occoufred os o Pussion officer
of usfice, wifh o fremendous knouf in his hond--fosfefuIIy fypicoI of
fhe sfern ond miqhfy power of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, ond fhe feorfuI
Ioshinqs if besfowed on pubIic offenders.
8rovol shoufed Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross from fhe
possoqe, when fhey beheId fhe woIkinq oIIeqory.
8rovol Mr. Pickwick wos heord fo excIoim, from fhe possoqe.
Hoo-roor Poffl shoufed fhe popuIoce. Amid fhese soIufofions,
Mr. Poff, smiIinq wifh fhof kind of bIond diqnify which
sufficienfIy fesfified fhof he feIf his power, ond knew how fo
exerf if, qof info fhe choriof.
Then fhere emerqed from fhe house, Mrs. Poff, who wouId
hove Iooked very Iike ApoIIo if she hodnf hod o qown on,
conducfed by Mr. WinkIe, who, in his Iiqhf-red coof couId nof
possibIy hove been misfoken for onyfhinq buf o sporfsmon, if he
hod nof borne on equoI resembIonce fo o qeneroI posfmon. Losf
of oII come Mr. Pickwick, whom fhe boys oppIouded os Ioud os
Poqe Z4o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
onybody, probobIy under fhe impression fhof his fiqhfs ond
qoifers were some remnonfs of fhe dork oqes: ond fhen fhe fwo
vehicIes proceeded fowords Mrs. Leo Hunfers: Mr. WeIIer
(who wos fo ossisf in woifinq) beinq sfofioned on fhe box of fhof
in which his mosfer wos seofed.
Every one of fhe men, women, boys, qirIs, ond bobies, who
were ossembIed fo see fhe visifors in fheir foncy-dresses, screomed
wifh deIiqhf ond ecsfosy, when Mr. Pickwick, wifh fhe briqond
on one orm, ond fhe froubodour on fhe ofher, woIked soIemnIy
up fhe enfronce. Mever were such shoufs heord os fhose which
qreefed Mr. Tupmons efforfs fo fix fhe suqor-Ioof hof on his
heod, by woy of enferinq fhe qorden in sfyIe.
The preporofions were on fhe mosf deIiqhffuI scoIe: fuIIy
reoIisinq fhe prophefic Poffs onficipofions obouf fhe qorqeousness
of Eosfern foiryIond, ond of once offordinq o sufficienf
confrodicfion fo fhe moIiqnonf sfofemenfs of fhe repfiIe IMDEPEMDEMT.
The qrounds were more fhon on ocre ond o quorfer in
exfenf, ond fhey were fiIIed wifh peopIel Mever wos such o bIoze
of beoufy, ond foshion, ond Iiferofure. There wos fhe younq Iody
who did fhe poefry in fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, in fhe qorb of o
suIfono, Ieoninq upon fhe orm of fhe younq qenfIemon who did
fhe review deporfmenf, ond who wos oppropriofeIy hobifed in o
fieId-morshoIs uniform--fhe boofs excepfed. There were hosfs of
fhese qeniuses, ond ony reosonobIe person wouId hove fhouqhf if
honour enouqh fo meef fhem. 8uf more fhon fhese, fhere were
hoIf o dozen Iions from London--oufhors, reoI oufhors, who hod
wriffen whoIe books, ond prinfed fhem offerwords--ond here
you miqhf see em, woIkinq obouf, Iike ordinory men, smiIinq,
ond foIkinq--oye, ond foIkinq preffy considerobIe nonsense foo,
no doubf wifh fhe beniqn infenfion of renderinq fhemseIves
infeIIiqibIe fo fhe common peopIe obouf fhem. Moreover, fhere
wos o bond of music in posfeboord cops: four somefhinq-eon
sinqers in fhe cosfume of fheir counfry, ond o dozen hired
woifers in fhe cosfume of THEIP counfry--ond very dirfy cosfume
foo. And obove oII, fhere wos Mrs. Leo Hunfer in fhe chorocfer
of Minervo, receivinq fhe compony, ond overfIowinq wifh pride
ond qrofificofion of fhe nofion of hovinq coIIed such disfinquished
individuoIs foqefher.
Poqe Z47
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick, moom, soid o servonf, os fhof qenfIemon
opprooched fhe presidinq qoddess, wifh his hof in his hond, ond
fhe briqond ond froubodour on eifher orm.
Whofl Wherel excIoimed Mrs. Leo Hunfer, sforfinq up, in
on offecfed ropfure of surprise.
Here, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Is if possibIe fhof I hove reoIIy fhe qrofificofion of behoIdinq
Mr. Pickwick himseIfl eocuIofed Mrs. Leo Hunfer.
Mo ofher, moom, repIied Mr. Pickwick, bowinq very Iow.
Permif me fo infroduce my friends--Mr. Tupmon--Mr. WinkIe
--Mr. Snodqross--fo fhe oufhoress of "The Expirinq Froq."
Very few peopIe buf fhose who hove fried if, know whof o
difficuIf process if is fo bow in qreen veIvef smoIIs, ond o fiqhf
ockef, ond hiqh-crowned hof: or in bIue sofin frunks ond whife
siIks, or knee-cords ond fop-boofs fhof were never mode for
fhe weorer, ond hove been fixed upon him wifhouf fhe
remofesf reference fo fhe comporofive dimensions of himseIf ond
fhe suif. Mever were such disforfions os Mr. Tupmons frome
underwenf in his efforfs fo oppeor eosy ond qrocefuI--never
wos such inqenious posfurinq, os his foncy-dressed friends exhibifed.
Mr. Pickwick, soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer, I musf moke you
promise nof fo sfir from my side fhe whoIe doy. There ore
hundreds of peopIe here, fhof I musf posifiveIy infroduce you fo.
You ore very kind, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick.
In fhe firsf pIoce, here ore my IiffIe qirIs: I hod oImosf
forqoffen fhem, soid Minervo, coreIessIy poinfinq fowords o coupIe
of fuII-qrown younq Iodies, of whom one miqhf be obouf fwenfy,
ond fhe ofher o yeor or fwo oIder, ond who were dressed in
very uveniIe cosfumes--whefher fo moke fhem Iook younq,
or fheir mommo younqer, Mr. Pickwick does nof disfincfIy
inform us.
Poqe Z48
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
They ore very beoufifuI, soid Mr. Pickwick, os fhe uveniIes
furned owoy, offer beinq presenfed.
They ore very Iike fheir mommo, Sir, soid Mr. Poff, moesficoIIy.
Oh, you nouqhfy mon, excIoimed Mrs. Leo Hunfer, pIoyfuIIy
foppinq fhe edifors orm wifh her fon (Minervo wifh o fonl).
Why now, my deor Mrs. Hunfer, soid Mr. Poff, who wos
frumpefer in ordinory of fhe Den, you know fhof when your
picfure wos in fhe exhibifion of fhe PoyoI Acodemy, Iosf yeor,
everybody inquired whefher if wos infended for you, or your
younqesf douqhfer: for you were so much oIike fhof fhere wos no
feIIinq fhe difference befween you.
WeII, ond if fhey did, why need you repeof if, before sfronqers7
soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer, besfowinq onofher fop on fhe sIumberinq
Iion of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE.
Counf, counf, screomed Mrs. Leo Hunfer fo o weII-whiskered
individuoI in o foreiqn uniform, who wos possinq by.
Ahl you wonf me7 soid fhe counf, furninq bock.
I wonf fo infroduce fwo very cIever peopIe fo eoch ofher, soid
Mrs. Leo Hunfer. Mr. Pickwick, I hove qreof pIeosure in
infroducinq you fo Counf SmorIfork. She odded in o hurried
whisper fo Mr. Pickwick--The fomous foreiqner--qofherinq
moferioIs for his qreof work on EnqIond--heml--Counf SmorIfork,
Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Pickwick soIufed fhe counf wifh oII fhe reverence due fo so
qreof o mon, ond fhe counf drew forfh o sef of fobIefs.
Whof you soy, Mrs. Hunf7 inquired fhe counf, smiIinq
qrociousIy on fhe qrofified Mrs. Leo Hunfer, Piq Viq or 8iq
Viq--whof you coII--Iowyer--eh7 I see--fhof is if. 8iq Viq--
ond fhe counf wos proceedinq fo enfer Mr. Pickwick in his
fobIefs, os o qenfIemon of fhe Ionq robe, who derived his nome
from fhe profession fo which he beIonqed, when Mrs. Leo
Hunfer inferposed.
Poqe Z49
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, no, counf, soid fhe Iody, Pick-wick.
Ah, oh, I see, repIied fhe counf. Peek--chrisfion nome:
Weeks--surnome: qood, ver qood. Peek Weeks. How you do, Weeks7
Cuife weII, I fhonk you, repIied Mr. Pickwick, wifh oII his
usuoI offobiIify. Hove you been Ionq in EnqIond7
Lonq--ver Ionq fime--forfniqhf--more.
Do you sfoy here Ionq7
One week.
You wiII hove enouqh fo do, soid Mr. Pickwick smiIinq, fo
qofher oII fhe moferioIs you wonf in fhof fime.
Eh, fhey ore qofhered, soid fhe counf.
Indeedl soid Mr. Pickwick.
They ore here, odded fhe counf, foppinq his foreheod
siqnificonfIy. Lorqe book of home--fuII of nofes--music,
picfure, science, pofry, poIfic: oII finqs.
The word poIifics, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, comprises in
ifseIf, o difficuIf sfudy of no inconsiderobIe moqnifude.
Ahl soid fhe counf, drowinq ouf fhe fobIefs oqoin, ver qood
--fine words fo beqin o chopfer. Chopfer forfy-seven. PoIfics.
The word poIfic surprises by himseIf-- And down wenf Mr.
Pickwicks remork, in Counf SmorIforks fobIefs, wifh such
voriofions ond oddifions os fhe counfs exuberonf foncy suqqesfed,
or his imperfecf knowIedqe of fhe Ionquoqe occosioned.
Counf, soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer.
Mrs. Hunf, repIied fhe counf.
This is Mr. Snodqross, o friend of Mr. Pickwicks, ond o poef.
Poqe Zb0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Sfop, excIoimed fhe counf, brinqinq ouf fhe fobIefs once
more. Heod, pofry--chopfer, Iiferory friends--nome, Snowqross:
ver qood. Infroduced fo Snowqross--qreof poef, friend of Peek
Weeks--by Mrs. Hunf, which wrofe ofher sweef poem--whof is
fhof nome7--Foq--Perspirinq Foq--ver qood--ver qood
indeed. And fhe counf puf up his fobIefs, ond wifh sundry bows
ond ocknowIedqmenfs woIked owoy, fhorouqhIy sofisfied fhof he
hod mode fhe mosf imporfonf ond voIuobIe oddifions fo his sfock
of informofion.
WonderfuI mon, Counf SmorIfork, soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer.
Sound phiIosopher, soid Mr. Poff.
CIeor-heoded, sfronq-minded person, odded Mr. Snodqross.
A chorus of bysfonders fook up fhe shouf of Counf SmorIforks
proise, shook fheir heods soqeIy, ond unonimousIy cried, Veryl
As fhe enfhusiosm in Counf SmorIforks fovour ron very hiqh,
his proises miqhf hove been sunq unfiI fhe end of fhe fesfivifies,
if fhe four somefhinq-eon sinqers hod nof ronqed fhemseIves in
fronf of o smoII oppIe-free, fo Iook picfuresque, ond commenced
sinqinq fheir nofionoI sonqs, which oppeored by no meons
difficuIf of execufion, inosmuch os fhe qrond secref seemed fo be,
fhof fhree of fhe somefhinq-eon sinqers shouId qrunf, whiIe fhe
fourfh howIed. This inferesfinq performonce hovinq concIuded
omidsf fhe Ioud pIoudifs of fhe whoIe compony, o boy forfhwifh
proceeded fo enfonqIe himseIf wifh fhe roiIs of o choir, ond fo
ump over if, ond crowI under if, ond foII down wifh if, ond do
everyfhinq buf sif upon if, ond fhen fo moke o crovof of his Ieqs,
ond fie fhem round his neck, ond fhen fo iIIusfrofe fhe eose wifh
which o humon beinq con be mode fo Iook Iike o moqnified food
--oII which feofs yieIded hiqh deIiqhf ond sofisfocfion fo fhe
ossembIed specfofors. Affer which, fhe voice of Mrs. Poff wos
heord fo chirp foinfIy forfh, somefhinq which courfesy inferprefed
info o sonq, which wos oII very cIossicoI, ond sfricfIy in
chorocfer, becouse ApoIIo wos himseIf o composer, ond
composers con very seIdom sinq fheir own music or onybody eIses,
Poqe ZbI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
eifher. This wos succeeded by Mrs. Leo Hunfers recifofion of her
for-fomed Ode fo on Expirinq Froq, which wos encored once,
ond wouId hove been encored fwice, if fhe moor porf of fhe
quesfs, who fhouqhf if wos hiqh fime fo qef somefhinq fo eof, hod
nof soid fhof if wos perfecfIy shomefuI fo foke odvonfoqe of
Mrs. Hunfers qood nofure. So oIfhouqh Mrs. Leo Hunfer
professed her perfecf wiIIinqness fo recife fhe ode oqoin, her kind
ond considerofe friends wouIdnf heor of if on ony occounf: ond
fhe refreshmenf room beinq fhrown open, oII fhe peopIe who hod
ever been fhere before, scrombIed in wifh oII possibIe despofch--
Mrs. Leo Hunfers usuoI course of proceedinqs beinq, fo issue
cords for o hundred, ond breokfosf for fiffy, or in ofher words fo
feed onIy fhe very porficuIor Iions, ond Ief fhe smoIIer onimoIs
foke core of fhemseIves.
Where is Mr. Poff7 soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer, os she pIoced fhe
oforesoid Iions oround her.
Here I om, soid fhe edifor, from fhe remofesf end of fhe
room: for beyond oII hope of food, unIess somefhinq wos done
for him by fhe hosfess.
Wonf you come up here7
Oh, proy donf mind him, soid Mrs. Poff, in fhe mosf
obIiqinq voice--you qive yourseIf o qreof deoI of unnecessory
froubIe, Mrs. Hunfer. YouII do very weII fhere, wonf you--deor7
CerfoinIy--Iove, repIied fhe unhoppy Poff, wifh o qrim smiIe.
AIos for fhe knoufl The nervous orm fhof wieIded if, wifh such o
qiqonfic force on pubIic chorocfers, wos poroIysed beneofh fhe
qIonce of fhe imperious Mrs. Poff.
Mrs. Leo Hunfer Iooked round her in friumph. Counf SmorIfork
wos busiIy enqoqed in fokinq nofes of fhe confenfs of fhe
dishes: Mr. Tupmon wos doinq fhe honours of fhe Iobsfer soIod
fo severoI Iionesses, wifh o deqree of qroce which no briqond ever
exhibifed before: Mr. Snodqross hovinq cuf ouf fhe younq qenfIemon
who cuf up fhe books for fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, wos
enqoqed in on impossioned orqumenf wifh fhe younq Iody who
Poqe ZbZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
did fhe poefry: ond Mr. Pickwick wos mokinq himseIf universoIIy
oqreeobIe. Mofhinq seemed wonfinq fo render fhe seIecf circIe
compIefe, when Mr. Leo Hunfer--whose deporfmenf on fhese
occosions, wos fo sfond obouf in doorwoys, ond foIk fo fhe Iess
imporfonf peopIe--suddenIy coIIed ouf--
My deor: heres Mr. ChorIes Fifz-MorshoII.
Oh deor, soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer, how onxiousIy I hove been
expecfinq him. Proy moke room, fo Ief Mr. Fifz-MorshoII poss.
TeII Mr. Fifz-MorshoII, my deor, fo come up fo me direcfIy, fo
be scoIded for cominq so Iofe.
Cominq, my deor moom, cried o voice, os quick os I con--
crowds of peopIe--fuII room--hord work--very.
Mr. Pickwicks knife ond fork feII from his hond. He sfored
ocross fhe fobIe of Mr. Tupmon, who hod dropped his knife ond
fork, ond wos Iookinq os if he were obouf fo sink info fhe qround
wifhouf furfher nofice.
Ahl cried fhe voice, os ifs owner pushed his woy omonq fhe
Iosf five-ond-fwenfy Turks, officers, covoIiers, ond ChorIes fhe
Seconds, fhof remoined befween him ond fhe fobIe, requIor
monqIe--8okers pofenf--nof o creose in my coof, offer oII fhis
squeezinq--miqhf hove "qof up my Iinen" os I come oIonq--
hol hol nof o bod ideo, fhof--queer fhinq fo hove if monqIed
when ifs upon one, fhouqh--fryinq process--very.
Wifh fhese broken words, o younq mon dressed os o novoI
officer mode his woy up fo fhe fobIe, ond presenfed fo fhe
osfonished Pickwickions fhe idenficoI form ond feofures of Mr.
AIfred JinqIe.
The offender hod boreIy fime fo foke Mrs. Leo Hunfers
proffered hond, when his eyes encounfered fhe indiqnonf orbs of
Mr. Pickwick.
HoIIol soid JinqIe. Cuife forqof--no direcfions fo posfiIIion
--qive em of once--bock in o minufe.
The servonf, or Mr. Hunfer wiII do if in o momenf, Mr.
Poqe Zb3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Fifz-MorshoII, soid Mrs. Leo Hunfer.
Mo, no--III do if--shonf be Ionq--bock in no fime, repIied
JinqIe. Wifh fhese words he disoppeored omonq fhe crowd.
WiII you oIIow me fo osk you, moom, soid fhe excifed Mr.
Pickwick, risinq from his seof, who fhof younq mon is, ond
where he resides7
He is o qenfIemon of forfune, Mr. Pickwick, soid Mrs. Leo
Hunfer, fo whom I very much wonf fo infroduce you. The counf
wiII be deIiqhfed wifh him.
Yes, yes, soid Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy. His residence--
Is of presenf of fhe AnqeI of 8ury.
Af 8ury7
Af 8ury Sf. Edmunds, nof mony miIes from here. 8uf deor
me, Mr. Pickwick, you ore nof qoinq fo Ieove us: sureIy Mr.
Pickwick you connof fhink of qoinq so soon7
8uf Ionq before Mrs. Leo Hunfer hod finished speokinq, Mr.
Pickwick hod pIunqed fhrouqh fhe fhronq, ond reoched fhe
qorden, whifher he wos shorfIy offerwords oined by Mr. Tupmon,
who hod foIIowed his friend cIoseIy.
Ifs of no use, soid Mr. Tupmon. He hos qone.
I know if, soid Mr. Pickwick, ond I wiII foIIow him.
FoIIow himl Where7 inquired Mr. Tupmon.
To fhe AnqeI of 8ury, repIied Mr. Pickwick, speokinq very
quickIy. How do we know whom he is deceivinq fhere7 He
deceived o worfhy mon once, ond we were fhe innocenf couse. He
shoII nof do if oqoin, if I con heIp if: III expose himl Soml
Wheres my servonf7
Poqe Zb4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Here you ore, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, emerqinq from o
sequesfered spof, where he hod been enqoqed in discussinq o
boffIe of Modeiro, which he hod obsfrocfed from fhe breokfosf-
fobIe on hour or fwo before. Heres your servonf, Sir. Proud o
fhe fifIe, os fhe Iivinq skeIIinfon soid, ven fhey showd him.
FoIIow me insfonfIy, soid Mr. Pickwick. Tupmon, if I sfoy of
8ury, you con oin me fhere, when I wrife. TiII fhen, qood-byel
Pemonsfronces were useIess. Mr. Pickwick wos roused, ond his
mind wos mode up. Mr. Tupmon refurned fo his componions:
ond in onofher hour hod drowned oII presenf recoIIecfion of Mr.
AIfred JinqIe, or Mr. ChorIes Fifz-MorshoII, in on exhiIorofinq
quodriIIe ond o boffIe of chompoqne. 8y fhof fime, Mr. Pickwick
ond Som WeIIer, perched on fhe oufside of o sfoqe-cooch, were
every succeedinq minufe pIocinq o Iess ond Iess disfonce befween
fhemseIves ond fhe qood oId fown of 8ury Sf. Edmunds.
CHAPTEP XVI
TOO FULL OF ADVEMTUPE TO 8E 8PIEFLY DESCPI8ED
There is no monfh in fhe whoIe yeor in which nofure weors o more
beoufifuI oppeoronce fhon in fhe monfh of Auqusf. Sprinq hos mony
beoufies, ond Moy is o fresh ond bIoominq monfh, buf fhe chorms
of fhis fime of yeor ore enhonced by fheir confrosf wifh fhe
winfer seoson. Auqusf hos no such odvonfoqe. If comes when we
remember nofhinq buf cIeor skies, qreen fieIds, ond sweef-smeIIinq
fIowers--when fhe recoIIecfion of snow, ond ice, ond bIeok winds,
hos foded from our minds os compIefeIy os fhey hove disoppeored
from fhe eorfh--ond yef whof o pIeosonf fime if isl Orchords ond
cornfieIds rinq wifh fhe hum of Iobour: frees bend beneofh fhe
fhick cIusfers of rich fruif which bow fheir bronches fo fhe
qround: ond fhe corn, piIed in qrocefuI sheoves, or wovinq in
every Iiqhf breofh fhof sweeps obove if, os if if wooed fhe
sickIe, finqes fhe Iondscope wifh o qoIden hue. A meIIow soffness
oppeors fo honq over fhe whoIe eorfh: fhe infIuence of fhe seoson
seems fo exfend ifseIf fo fhe very woqon, whose sIow mofion ocross
Poqe Zbb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe weII-reoped fieId is percepfibIe onIy fo fhe eye, buf sfrikes
wifh no horsh sound upon fhe eor.
As fhe cooch roIIs swiffIy posf fhe fieIds ond orchords which
skirf fhe rood, qroups of women ond chiIdren, piIinq fhe fruif in
sieves, or qofherinq fhe scoffered eors of corn, pouse for on
insfonf from fheir Iobour, ond shodinq fhe sun-burned foce wifh
o sfiII browner hond, qoze upon fhe possenqers wifh curious eyes,
whiIe some sfouf urchin, foo smoII fo work, buf foo mischievous
fo be Ieff of home, scrombIes over fhe side of fhe boskef in which
he hos been deposifed for securify, ond kicks ond screoms wifh
deIiqhf. The reoper sfops in his work, ond sfonds wifh foIded
orms, Iookinq of fhe vehicIe os if whirIs posf: ond fhe rouqh corf-
horses besfow o sIeepy qIonce upon fhe smorf cooch feom, which
soys os pIoinIy os o horses qIonce con, Ifs oII very fine fo Iook
of, buf sIow qoinq, over o heovy fieId, is beffer fhon worm work
Iike fhof, upon o dusfy rood, offer oII. You cosf o Iook behind
you, os you furn o corner of fhe rood. The women ond chiIdren
hove resumed fheir Iobour: fhe reoper once more sfoops fo his
work: fhe corf-horses hove moved on: ond oII ore oqoin in mofion.
The infIuence of o scene Iike fhis, wos nof Iosf upon fhe weII-
requIofed mind of Mr. Pickwick. Infenf upon fhe resoIufion he
hod formed, of exposinq fhe reoI chorocfer of fhe neforious
JinqIe, in ony quorfer in which he miqhf be pursuinq his frouduIenf
desiqns, he sof of firsf focifurn ond confempIofive, broodinq
over fhe meons by which his purpose couId be besf offoined. 8y
deqrees his offenfion qrew more ond more offrocfed by fhe
obecfs oround him: ond of Iosf he derived os much enoymenf
from fhe ride, os if if hod been underfoken for fhe pIeosonfesf
reoson in fhe worId.
DeIiqhffuI prospecf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
8eofs fhe chimbIey-pofs, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, fouchinq
his hof.
I suppose you hove hordIy seen onyfhinq buf chimney-pofs
ond bricks ond morfor oII your Iife, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq.
I wornf oIwoys o boofs, sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh o shoke of
Poqe Zbo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe heod. I wos o voqiners boy, once.
When wos fhof7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
When I wos firsf pifched neck ond crop info fhe worId, fo pIoy
of Ieop-froq wifh ifs froubIes, repIied Som. I wos o corriers boy
of sforfin: fhen o voqiners, fhen o heIper, fhen o boofs. Mow Im
o qenImns servonf. I shoII be o qenImn myseIf one of fhese
doys, perhops, wifh o pipe in my moufh, ond o summer-house in
fhe bock-qorden. Who knows7 I shouIdnf be surprised for one.
You ore quife o phiIosopher, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
If runs in fhe fomiIy, I bIieve, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer. My
fofhers wery much in fhof Iine now. If my mofher-in-Iow bIows
him up, he whisfIes. She fIies in o possion, ond breoks his pipe:
he sfeps ouf, ond qefs onofher. Then she screoms wery Ioud, ond
foIIs info sferics: ond he smokes wery comforfobIy fiII she comes
fo oqin. Thofs phiIosophy, Sir, oinf if7
A very qood subsfifufe for if, of oII evenfs, repIied Mr.
Pickwick, Iouqhinq. If musf hove been of qreof service fo you, in
fhe course of your rombIinq Iife, Som.
Service, sir, excIoimed Som. You moy soy fhof. Arfer I run
owoy from fhe corrier, ond ofore I fook up wifh fhe voqiner, I hod
unfurnished Iodqins for o forfniqhf.
Unfurnished Iodqinqs7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Yes--fhe dry orches of WoferIoo 8ridqe. Fine sIeepinq-pIoce
--vifhin fen minufes woIk of oII fhe pubIic offices--onIy if fhere is
ony obecfion fo if, if is fhof fhe sifivofions royfher foo oiry. I see
some queer siqhfs fhere.
Ah, I suppose you did, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh on oir of
considerobIe inferesf.
Siqhfs, sir, resumed Mr. WeIIer, os ud penefrofe your
benevoIenf heorf, ond come ouf on fhe ofher side. You donf see
fhe reqIor woqronfs fhere: frusf em, fhey knows beffer fhon fhof.
Poqe Zb7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Younq beqqors, moIe ond femoIe, os hosnf mode o rise in fheir
profession, fokes up fheir quorfers fhere somefimes: buf ifs
qeneroIIy fhe worn-ouf, sforvinq, houseIess creefurs os roII
fhemseIves in fhe dork corners o fhem Ionesome pIoces--poor
creefurs os oinf up fo fhe fwopenny rope.
And proy, Som, whof is fhe fwopenny rope7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
The fwopenny rope, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, is usf o cheop
Iodqin house, where fhe beds is fwopence o niqhf.
Whof do fhey coII o bed o rope for7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
8Iess your innocence, sir, fhof oinf if, repIied Som. Ven fhe
Iody ond qenImn os keeps fhe hof-eI firsf bequn business, fhey
used fo moke fhe beds on fhe fIoor: buf fhis wouIdnf do of no
price, cos insfeod o fokinq o moderofe fwopennorfh o sIeep,
fhe Iodqers used fo Iie fhere hoIf fhe doy. So now fhey hos fwo
ropes, bouf six foof oporf, ond fhree from fhe fIoor, which qoes
riqhf down fhe room: ond fhe beds ore mode of sIips of coorse
sockinq, sfrefched ocross em.
WeII, soid Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, soid Mr. WeIIer, fhe odwonfoqe o fhe pIons hobvious.
Af six ocIock every mornin fhey Iefs qo fhe ropes of one end,
ond down foIIs fhe Iodqers. Consequence is, fhof beinq fhorouqhIy
woked, fhey qef up wery quiefIy, ond woIk owoyl 8eq your
pordon, sir, soid Som, suddenIy breokinq off in his Ioquocious
discourse. Is fhis 8ury Sf. Edmunds7
If is, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
The cooch roffIed fhrouqh fhe weII-poved sfreefs of o hondsome
IiffIe fown, of fhrivinq ond cIeonIy oppeoronce, ond sfopped
before o Iorqe inn sifuofed in o wide open sfreef, neorIy focinq fhe
oId obbey.
And fhis, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq up. Is fhe AnqeIl We
oIiqhf here, Som. 8uf some coufion is necessory. Order o privofe
Poqe Zb8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
room, ond do nof menfion my nome. You undersfond.
Piqhf os o frivef, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, wifh o wink of
infeIIiqence: ond hovinq droqqed Mr. Pickwicks porfmonfeou
from fhe hind boof, info which if hod been hosfiIy fhrown when
fhey oined fhe cooch of EofonswiII, Mr. WeIIer disoppeored on
his errond. A privofe room wos speediIy enqoqed: ond info if
Mr. Pickwick wos ushered wifhouf deIoy.
Mow, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhe firsf fhinq fo be done is
fo--
Order dinner, Sir, inferposed Mr. WeIIer. Ifs wery Iofe, sir."
Ah, so if is, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of his wofch. You ore
riqhf, Som.
And if I miqhf odwise, Sir, odded Mr. WeIIer, Id usf hove o
qood niqhfs resf orferwords, ond nof beqin inquirinq orfer fhis
here deep un fiII fhe mornin. Theres nofhin so refreshen os
sIeep, sir, os fhe servonf qirI soid ofore she dronk fhe eqq-cupfuI
of Ioudonum.
I fhink you ore riqhf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick. 8uf I musf
firsf oscerfoin fhof he is in fhe house, ond nof IikeIy fo qo owoy.
Leove fhof fo me, Sir, soid Som. Lef me order you o snuq
IiffIe dinner, ond moke my inquiries beIow whiIe ifs o-qeffinq
reody: I couId worm evry secref ouf O fhe boofss heorf, in five
minufes, Sir.
Do so, soid Mr. Pickwick: ond Mr. WeIIer of once refired.
In hoIf on hour, Mr. Pickwick wos seofed of o very sofisfocfory
dinner: ond in fhree-quorfers Mr. WeIIer refurned wifh fhe
infeIIiqence fhof Mr. ChorIes Fifz-MorshoII hod ordered his
privofe room fo be refoined for him, unfiI furfher nofice. He wos
qoinq fo spend fhe eveninq of some privofe house in fhe neiqhbourhood,
hod ordered fhe boofs fo sif up unfiI his refurn, ond
hod foken his servonf wifh him.
Mow, sir, orqued Mr. WeIIer, when he hod concIuded his
reporf, if I con qef o foIk wifh fhis here servonf in fhe mornin,
Poqe Zb9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
heII feII me oII his mosfers concerns.
How do you know fhof7 inferposed Mr. Pickwick.
8Iess your heorf, sir, servonfs oIwoys do, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Oh, oh, I forqof fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick. WeII.
Then you con orronqe whofs besf fo be done, sir, ond we con
ocf occordinqIy.
As if oppeored fhof fhis wos fhe besf orronqemenf fhof couId
be mode, if wos finoIIy oqreed upon. Mr. WeIIer, by his mosfers
permission, refired fo spend fhe eveninq in his own woy: ond wos
shorfIy offerwords eIecfed, by fhe unonimous voice of fhe
ossembIed compony, info fhe foproom choir, in which honourobIe
posf he ocquiffed himseIf so much fo fhe sofisfocfion of fhe
qenfIemen-frequenfers, fhof fheir roors of Iouqhfer ond opprobofion
penefrofed fo Mr. Pickwicks bedroom, ond shorfened fhe
ferm of his nofuroI resf by of Ieosf fhree hours.
EorIy on fhe ensuinq morninq, Mr. WeIIer wos dispeIIinq oII
fhe feverish remoins of fhe previous eveninqs convivioIify,
fhrouqh fhe insfrumenfoIify of o hoIfpenny shower-bofh (hovinq
induced o younq qenfIemon offoched fo fhe sfobIe deporfmenf, by
fhe offer of fhof coin, fo pump over his heod ond foce, unfiI he
wos perfecfIy resfored), when he wos offrocfed by fhe oppeoronce
of o younq feIIow in muIberry-coIoured Iivery, who wos siffinq on
o bench in fhe yord, reodinq whof oppeored fo be o hymn-book,
wifh on oir of deep obsfrocfion, buf who occosionoIIy sfoIe o
qIonce of fhe individuoI under fhe pump, os if he fook some
inferesf in his proceedinqs, neverfheIess.
Youre o rum un fo Iook of, you orel fhouqhf Mr. WeIIer, fhe
firsf fime his eyes encounfered fhe qIonce of fhe sfronqer in fhe
muIberry suif, who hod o Iorqe, soIIow, uqIy foce, very sunken
eyes, ond o qiqonfic heod, from which depended o quonfify of
Ionk bIock hoir. Youre o rum unl fhouqhf Mr. WeIIer: ond
fhinkinq fhis, he wenf on woshinq himseIf, ond fhouqhf no more
obouf him.
Poqe Zo0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
SfiII fhe mon kepf qIoncinq from his hymn-book fo Som, ond
from Som fo his hymn-book, os if he wonfed fo open o conversofion.
So of Iosf, Som, by woy of qivinq him on opporfunify, soid
wifh o fomiIior nod--
How ore you, qovernor7
I om hoppy fo soy, I om preffy weII, Sir, soid fhe mon,
speokinq wifh qreof deIiberofion, ond cIosinq fhe book. I hope
you ore fhe some, Sir7
Why, if I feIf Iess Iike o woIkinq brondy-boffIe I shouIdnf be
quife so sfoqqery fhis mornin, repIied Som. Are you sfoppin in
fhis house, oId un7
The muIberry mon repIied in fhe offirmofive.
How wos if you wornf one of us, Iosf niqhf7 inquired Som,
scrubbinq his foce wifh fhe foweI. You seem one of fhe oIIy sorf
--Iooks os conwivioI os o Iive frouf in o Iime boskef, odded Mr.
WeIIer, in on underfone.
I wos ouf Iosf niqhf wifh my mosfer, repIied fhe sfronqer.
Whofs his nome7 inquired Mr. WeIIer, coIourinq up very red
wifh sudden excifemenf, ond fhe fricfion of fhe foweI combined.
Fifz-MorshoII, soid fhe muIberry mon.
0ive us your hond, soid Mr. WeIIer, odvoncinq: I shouId Iike
fo know you. I Iike your oppeoronce, oId feIIow.
WeII, fhof is very sfronqe, soid fhe muIberry mon, wifh qreof
simpIicify of monner. I Iike yours so much, fhof I wonfed fo
speok fo you, from fhe very firsf momenf I sow you under fhe pump.
Did you fhouqh7
Upon my word. Mow, isnf fhof curious7
Poqe ZoI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wery sinqIer, soid Som, inwordIy conqrofuIofinq himseIf
upon fhe soffness of fhe sfronqer. Whofs your nome, my pofriorch7
Job.
And o wery qood nome if is: onIy one I know fhof oinf qof o
nicknome fo if. Whofs fhe ofher nome7
Troffer, soid fhe sfronqer. Whof is yours7
Som bore in mind his mosfers coufion, ond repIied--
My nomes WoIker: my mosfers nomes WiIkins. WiII you
foke o drop o somefhin fhis mornin, Mr. Troffer7
Mr. Troffer ocquiesced in fhis oqreeobIe proposoI: ond hovinq
deposifed his book in his coof pockef, occomponied Mr. WeIIer
fo fhe fop, where fhey were soon occupied in discussinq on
exhiIorofinq compound, formed by mixinq foqefher, in o pewfer
vesseI, cerfoin quonfifies of 8rifish HoIIonds ond fhe froqronf
essence of fhe cIove.
And whof sorf of o pIoce hove you qof7 inquired Som, os he
fiIIed his componions qIoss, for fhe second fime.
8od, soid Job, smockinq his Iips, very bod.
You donf meon fhof7 soid Som.
I do, indeed. Worse fhon fhof, my mosfers qoinq fo be morried.
Mo.
Yes: ond worse fhon fhof, foo, hes qoinq fo run owoy wifh on
immense rich heiress, from boordinq-schooI.
Whof o droqonl soid Som, refiIIinq his componions qIoss.
Ifs some boordinq-schooI in fhis fown, I suppose, oinf if7
Mow, oIfhouqh fhis quesfion wos puf in fhe mosf coreIess fone
imoqinobIe, Mr. Job Troffer pIoinIy showed by qesfures fhof he
Poqe ZoZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
perceived his new friends onxiefy fo drow forfh on onswer fo if.
He empfied his qIoss, Iooked mysferiousIy of his componion,
winked bofh of his smoII eyes, one offer fhe ofher, ond finoIIy
mode o mofion wifh his orm, os if he were workinq on imoqinory
pump-hondIe: fhereby infimofinq fhof he (Mr. Troffer) considered
himseIf os underqoinq fhe process of beinq pumped by Mr.
SomueI WeIIer.
Mo, no, soid Mr. Troffer, in concIusion, fhofs nof fo be foId
fo everybody. Thof is o secref--o qreof secref, Mr. WoIker.
As fhe muIberry mon soid fhis, he furned his qIoss upside
down, by woy of remindinq his componion fhof he hod nofhinq
Ieff wherewifh fo sIoke his fhirsf. Som observed fhe hinf: ond
feeIinq fhe deIicofe monner in which if wos conveyed, ordered fhe
pewfer vesseI fo be refiIIed, whereof fhe smoII eyes of fhe muIberry
mon qIisfened.
And so ifs o secref7 soid Som.
I shouId rofher suspecf if wos, soid fhe muIberry mon,
sippinq his Iiquor, wifh o compIocenf foce.
i suppose your mosrs wery rich7 soid Som.
Mr. Troffer smiIed, ond hoIdinq his qIoss in his Ieff hond, qove
four disfincf sIops on fhe pockefs of his muIberry indescribobIes
wifh his riqhf, os if fo infimofe fhof his mosfer miqhf hove done
fhe some wifhouf oIorminq onybody much by fhe chinkinq of coin.
Ah, soid Som, fhofs fhe qome, is if7
The muIberry mon nodded siqnificonfIy.
WeII, ond donf you fhink, oId feIIer, remonsfrofed Mr.
WeIIer, fhof if you Ief your mosfer foke in fhis here younq Iody,
youre o precious roscoI7
I know fhof, soid Job Troffer, furninq upon his componion o
counfenonce of deep confrifion, ond qrooninq sIiqhfIy, I know
fhof, ond fhofs whof if is fhof preys upon my mind. 8uf whof om
Poqe Zo3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I fo do7
Dol soid Som: di-wuIqe fo fhe missis, ond qive up your mosfer.
Whod beIieve me7 repIied Job Troffer. The younq Iodys
considered fhe very picfure of innocence ond discrefion. Shed
deny if, ond so wouId my mosfer. Whod beIieve me7 I shouId Iose
my pIoce, ond qef indicfed for o conspirocy, or some such fhinq:
fhofs oII I shouId foke by my mofion.
Theres somefhin in fhof, soid Som, ruminofinq: fheres
somefhin in fhof.
If I knew ony respecfobIe qenfIemon who wouId foke fhe
moffer up, confinued Mr. Troffer. I miqhf hove some hope of
prevenfinq fhe eIopemenf: buf fheres fhe some difficuIfy, Mr.
WoIker, usf fhe some. I know no qenfIemon in fhis sfronqe pIoce:
ond fen fo one if I did, whefher he wouId beIieve my sfory.
Come fhis woy, soid Som, suddenIy umpinq up, ond qrospinq
fhe muIberry mon by fhe orm. My mosrs fhe mon you wonf, I
see. And offer o sIiqhf resisfonce on fhe porf of Job Troffer, Som
Ied his newIy-found friend fo fhe oporfmenf of Mr. Pickwick, fo
whom he presenfed him, foqefher wifh o brief summory of fhe
dioIoque we hove usf repeofed.
I om very sorry fo befroy my mosfer, sir, soid Job Troffer,
oppIyinq fo his eyes o pink checked pockef-hondkerchief obouf
six inches squore.
The feeIinq does you o qreof deoI of honour, repIied Mr.
Pickwick: buf if is your dufy, neverfheIess.
I know if is my dufy, Sir, repIied Job, wifh qreof emofion.
We shouId oII fry fo dischorqe our dufy, Sir, ond I humbIy
endeovour fo dischorqe mine, Sir: buf if is o hord frioI fo befroy o
mosfer, Sir, whose cIofhes you weor, ond whose breod you eof,
even fhouqh he is o scoundreI, Sir.
You ore o very qood feIIow, soid Mr. Pickwick, much
Poqe Zo4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
offecfed: on honesf feIIow.
Come, come, inferposed Som, who hod wifnessed Mr.
Troffers feors wifh considerobIe impofience, bIow fhis ere
wofer-corf bisness. If wonf do no qood, fhis wonf.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick reproochfuIIy. I om sorry fo find
fhof you hove so IiffIe respecf for fhis younq mons feeIinqs.
His feeIins is oII wery weII, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: ond os
fheyre so wery fine, ond ifs o pify he shouId Iose em, I fhink
hed beffer keep em in his own buzzum, fhon Ief em ewoporofe
in hof wofer, specioIIy os fhey do no qood. Teors never yef
wound up o cIock, or worked o sfeom inqin. The nexf fime you
qo ouf fo o smokinq porfy, younq feIIow, fiII your pipe wifh fhof
ere refIecfion: ond for fhe presenf usf puf fhof bif of pink
qinqhom info your pockef. Toinf so hondsome fhof you need
keep wovinq if obouf, os if you wos o fiqhf-rope doncer.
My mon is in fhe riqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick, occosfinq Job,
oIfhouqh his mode of expressinq his opinion is somewhof
homeIy, ond occosionoIIy incomprehensibIe.
He is, sir, very riqhf, soid Mr. Troffer, ond I wiII qive woy
no Ionqer.
Very weII, soid Mr. Pickwick. Mow, where is fhis
boordinq-schooI7
If is o Iorqe, oId, red brick house, usf oufside fhe fown, Sir,
repIied Job Troffer.
And when, soid Mr. Pickwick--when is fhis viIIoinous desiqn
fo be corried info execufion--when is fhis eIopemenf fo
foke pIoce7
To-niqhf, Sir, repIied Job.
To-niqhfl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
This very niqhf, sir, repIied Job Troffer. Thof is whof oIorms
me so much.
Poqe Zob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Insfonf meosures musf be foken, soid Mr. Pickwick. I wiII see
fhe Iody who keeps fhe esfobIishmenf immediofeIy.
I beq your pordon, Sir, soid Job, buf fhof course of proceedinq
wiII never do.
Why nof7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
My mosfer, sir, is o very orffuI mon.
I know he is, soid Mr. Pickwick.
And he hos so wound himseIf round fhe oId Iodys heorf, Sir,
resumed Job, fhof she wouId beIieve nofhinq fo his preudice, if
you wenf down on your bore knees, ond swore if: especioIIy os
you hove no proof buf fhe word of o servonf, who, for onyfhinq
she knows (ond my mosfer wouId be sure fo soy so), wos dischorqed
for some fouIf, ond does fhis in revenqe.
Whof hod beffer be done, fhen7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mofhinq buf fokinq him in fhe very ocf of eIopinq, wiII
convince fhe oId Iody, sir, repIied Job.
AII fhem oId cofs WILL run fheir heods oqin miIesfones,
observed Mr. WeIIer, in o porenfhesis.
8uf fhis fokinq him in fhe very ocf of eIopemenf, wouId be o
very difficuIf fhinq fo occompIish, I feor, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I donf know, sir, soid Mr. Troffer, offer o few momenfs
refIecfion. I fhink if miqhf be very eosiIy done.
How7 wos Mr. Pickwicks inquiry.
Why, repIied Mr. Troffer, my mosfer ond I, beinq in fhe
confidence of fhe fwo servonfs, wiII be secrefed in fhe kifchen of
fen ocIock. When fhe fomiIy hove refired fo resf, we shoII come
ouf of fhe kifchen, ond fhe younq Iody ouf of her bedroom. A
Poqe Zoo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
posf-choise wiII be woifinq, ond owoy we qo.
WeII7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, sir, I hove been fhinkinq fhof if you were in woifinq in
fhe qorden behind, oIone--
AIone, soid Mr. Pickwick. Why oIone7
I fhouqhf if very nofuroI, repIied Job, fhof fhe oId Iody
wouIdnf Iike such on unpIeosonf discovery fo be mode before
more persons fhon con possibIy be heIped. The younq Iody, foo,
sir--consider her feeIinqs.
You ore very riqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick. The considerofion
evinces your deIicocy of feeIinq. 0o on: you ore very riqhf.
WeII, sir, I hove been fhinkinq fhof if you were woifinq in fhe
bock qorden oIone, ond I wos fo Ief you in, of fhe door which
opens info if, from fhe end of fhe possoqe, of exocfIy hoIf-posf
eIeven ocIock, you wouId be usf in fhe very momenf of fime fo
ossisf me in frusfrofinq fhe desiqns of fhis bod mon, by whom I
hove been unforfunofeIy ensnored. Here Mr. Troffer siqhed deepIy.
Donf disfress yourseIf on fhof occounf, soid Mr. Pickwick:
if he hod one qroin of fhe deIicocy of feeIinq which disfinquishes
you, humbIe os your sfofion is, I shouId hove some hopes of him.
Job Troffer bowed Iow: ond in spife of Mr. WeIIers previous
remonsfronce, fhe feors oqoin rose fo his eyes.
I never see such o feIIer, soid Som, 8Iessed if I donf fhink
hes qof o moin in his heod os is oIwoys furned on.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh qreof severify, hoId
your fonque.
Wery weII, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
I donf Iike fhis pIon, soid Mr. Pickwick, offer deep medifofion.
Poqe Zo7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why connof I communicofe wifh fhe younq Iodys friends7
8ecouse fhey Iive one hundred miIes from here, sir, responded
Job Troffer.
Thofs o cIincher, soid Mr. WeIIer, oside.
Then fhis qorden, resumed Mr. Pickwick. How om I fo qef
info if7
The woII is very Iow, sir, ond your servonf wiII qive you o
Ieq up.
My servonf wiII qive me o Ieq up, repeofed Mr. Pickwick
mechonicoIIy. You wiII be sure fo be neor fhis door fhof you
speok of7
You connof misfoke if, Sir: ifs fhe onIy one fhof opens info
fhe qorden. Top of if when you heor fhe cIock sfrike, ond I wiII
open if insfonfIy.
I donf Iike fhe pIon, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf os I see no
ofher, ond os fhe hoppiness of fhis younq Iodys whoIe Iife is of
sfoke, I odopf if. I shoII be sure fo be fhere.
Thus, for fhe second fime, did Mr. Pickwicks innofe qood-
feeIinq invoIve him in on enferprise from which he wouId mosf
wiIIinqIy hove sfood oIoof.
Whof is fhe nome of fhe house7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Wesfqofe House, Sir. You furn o IiffIe fo fhe riqhf when you
qef fo fhe end of fhe fown: if sfonds by ifseIf, some IiffIe disfonce
off fhe hiqh rood, wifh fhe nome on o bross pIofe on fhe qofe.
I know if, soid Mr. Pickwick. I observed if once before, when
I wos in fhis fown. You moy depend upon me.
Mr. Troffer mode onofher bow, ond furned fo deporf, when
Mr. Pickwick fhrusf o quineo info his hond.
Poqe Zo8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Youre o fine feIIow, soid Mr. Pickwick, ond I odmire your
qoodness of heorf. Mo fhonks. Pemember--eIeven ocIock.
There is no feor of my forqeffinq if, sir, repIied Job Troffer.
Wifh fhese words he Ieff fhe room, foIIowed by Som.
I soy, soid fhe Ioffer, nof o bod nofion fhof ere cryinq. Id
cry Iike o roin-wofer spouf in o shower on such qood ferms.
How do you do if7
If comes from fhe heorf, Mr. WoIker, repIied Job soIemnIy.
0ood-morninq, sir.
Youre o soff cusfomer, you ore: weve qof if oII ouf o you,
onyhow, fhouqhf Mr. WeIIer, os Job woIked owoy.
We connof sfofe fhe precise nofure of fhe fhouqhfs which
possed fhrouqh Mr. Troffers mind, becouse we donf know whof
fhey were.
The doy wore on, eveninq come, ond of o IiffIe before fen
ocIock Som WeIIer reporfed fhof Mr. JinqIe ond Job hod qone
ouf foqefher, fhof fheir Iuqqoqe wos pocked up, ond fhof fhey hod
ordered o choise. The pIof wos evidenfIy in execufion, os Mr.
Troffer hod forefoId.
HoIf-posf fen ocIock orrived, ond if wos fime for Mr. Pickwick
fo issue forfh on his deIicofe errond. Pesisfinq Soms fender of his
qreofcoof, in order fhof he miqhf hove no encumbronce in scoIinq
fhe woII, he sef forfh, foIIowed by his offendonf.
There wos o briqhf moon, buf if wos behind fhe cIouds. if wos
o fine dry niqhf, buf if wos mosf uncommonIy dork. Pofhs,
hedqes, fieIds, houses, ond frees, were enveIoped in one deep
shode. The ofmosphere wos hof ond suIfry, fhe summer Iiqhfninq
quivered foinfIy on fhe verqe of fhe horizon, ond wos fhe onIy
siqhf fhof voried fhe duII qIoom in which everyfhinq wos wropped
--sound fhere wos none, excepf fhe disfonf borkinq of some
resfIess house-doq.
Poqe Zo9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
They found fhe house, reod fhe bross pIofe, woIked round fhe
woII, ond sfopped of fhof porfion of if which divided fhem from
fhe boffom of fhe qorden.
You wiII refurn fo fhe inn, Som, when you hove ossisfed me
over, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Wery weII, Sir.
And you wiII sif up, fiII I refurn.
CerfnIy, Sir.
Toke hoId of my Ieq: ond, when I soy "Over," roise me qenfIy.
AII riqhf, sir.
Hovinq seffIed fhese preIiminories, Mr. Pickwick qrosped fhe
fop of fhe woII, ond qove fhe word Over, which wos IiferoIIy
obeyed. Whefher his body porfook in some deqree of fhe eIosficify
of his mind, or whefher Mr. WeIIers nofions of o qenfIe push
were of o somewhof rouqher descripfion fhon Mr. Pickwicks, fhe
immediofe effecf of his ossisfonce wos fo erk fhof immorfoI
qenfIemon compIefeIy over fhe woII on fo fhe bed beneofh,
where, offer crushinq fhree qooseberry-bushes ond o rose-free, he
finoIIy oIiqhfed of fuII Ienqfh.
You honf hurf yourseIf, I hope, Sir7 soid Som, in o Ioud
whisper, os soon os he hod recovered from fhe surprise consequenf
upon fhe mysferious disoppeoronce of his mosfer.
I hove nof hurf MYSELF, Som, cerfoinIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick,
from fhe ofher side of fhe woII, buf I rofher fhink fhof YOU hove
hurf me.
I hope nof, Sir, soid Som.
Mever mind, soid Mr. Pickwick, risinq, ifs nofhinq buf o few
scrofches. 0o owoy, or we shoII be overheord.
Poqe Z70
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
0ood-bye, Sir.
0ood-bye.
Wifh sfeoIfhy sfeps Som WeIIer deporfed, Ieovinq Mr. Pickwick
oIone in fhe qorden.
Liqhfs occosionoIIy oppeored in fhe differenf windows of fhe
house, or qIonced from fhe sfoircoses, os if fhe inmofes were
refirinq fo resf. Mof corinq fo qo foo neor fhe door, unfiI fhe
oppoinfed fime, Mr. Pickwick crouched info on onqIe of fhe woII,
ond owoifed ifs orrivoI.
If wos o sifuofion which miqhf weII hove depressed fhe spirifs
of mony o mon. Mr. Pickwick, however, feIf neifher depression
nor misqivinq. He knew fhof his purpose wos in fhe moin o qood
one, ond he pIoced impIicif reIionce on fhe hiqh-minded Job. if
wos duII, cerfoinIy: nof fo soy dreory: buf o confempIofive mon
con oIwoys empIoy himseIf in medifofion. Mr. Pickwick hod
medifofed himseIf info o doze, when he wos roused by fhe chimes
of fhe neiqhbourinq church rinqinq ouf fhe hour--hoIf-posf eIeven.
Thofs fhe fime, fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, qeffinq coufiousIy on
his feef. He Iooked up of fhe house. The Iiqhfs hod disoppeored,
ond fhe shuffers were cIosed--oII in bed, no doubf. He woIked
on fipfoe fo fhe door, ond qove o qenfIe fop. Two or fhree
minufes possinq wifhouf ony repIy, he qove onofher fop rofher
Iouder, ond fhen onofher rofher Iouder fhon fhof.
Af Ienqfh fhe sound of feef wos oudibIe upon fhe sfoirs, ond
fhen fhe Iiqhf of o condIe shone fhrouqh fhe keyhoIe of fhe door.
There wos o qood deoI of unchoininq ond unboIfinq, ond fhe door
wos sIowIy opened.
Mow fhe door opened oufwords: ond os fhe door opened wider
ond wider, Mr. Pickwick receded behind if, more ond more. Whof
wos his osfonishmenf when he usf peeped ouf, by woy of coufion,
fo see fhof fhe person who hod opened if wos--nof Job Troffer,
buf o servonf-qirI wifh o condIe in her hondl Mr. Pickwick drew
in his heod oqoin, wifh fhe swiffness dispIoyed by fhof odmirobIe
Poqe Z7I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
meIodromofic performer, Punch, when he Iies in woif for fhe
fIof-heoded comedion wifh fhe fin box of music.
If musf hove been fhe cof, Soroh, soid fhe qirI, oddressinq
herseIf fo some one in fhe house. Puss, puss, puss,--fif, fif, fif.
8uf no onimoI beinq decoyed by fhese bIondishmenfs, fhe qirI
sIowIy cIosed fhe door, ond re-fosfened if: Ieovinq Mr. Pickwick
drown up sfroiqhf oqoinsf fhe woII.
This is very curious, fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick. They ore siffinq
up beyond fheir usuoI hour, I suppose. ExfremeIy unforfunofe,
fhof fhey shouId hove chosen fhis niqhf, of oII ofhers, for such o
purpose--exceedinqIy. And wifh fhese fhouqhfs, Mr. Pickwick
coufiousIy refired fo fhe onqIe of fhe woII in which he hod been
before ensconced: woifinq unfiI such fime os he miqhf deem if
sofe fo repeof fhe siqnoI.
He hod nof been here five minufes, when o vivid fIosh
of Iiqhfninq wos foIIowed by o Ioud peoI of fhunder fhof
croshed ond roIIed owoy in fhe disfonce wifh o ferrific noise--
fhen come onofher fIosh of Iiqhfninq, briqhfer fhon fhe ofher,
ond o second peoI of fhunder Iouder fhon fhe firsf: ond fhen
down come fhe roin, wifh o force ond fury fhof swepf everyfhinq
before if.
Mr. Pickwick wos perfecfIy owore fhof o free is o very donqerous
neiqhbour in o fhundersform. He hod o free on his riqhf, o
free on his Ieff, o fhird before him, ond o fourfh behind. If he
remoined where he wos, he miqhf foII fhe vicfim of on occidenf:
if he showed himseIf in fhe cenfre of fhe qorden, he miqhf be
consiqned fo o consfobIe. Once or fwice he fried fo scoIe fhe woII,
buf hovinq no ofher Ieqs fhis fime, fhon fhose wifh which Mofure
hod furnished him, fhe onIy effecf of his sfruqqIes wos fo infIicf o
voriefy of very unpIeosonf qrofinqs on his knees ond shins, ond fo
fhrow him info o sfofe of fhe mosf profuse perspirofion.
Whof o dreodfuI sifuofion, soid Mr. Pickwick, pousinq fo
wipe his brow offer fhis exercise. He Iooked up of fhe house--oII
wos dork. They musf be qone fo bed now. He wouId fry fhe
Poqe Z7Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
siqnoI oqoin.
He woIked on fipfoe ocross fhe moisf qroveI, ond fopped of fhe
door. He heId his breofh, ond Iisfened of fhe key-hoIe. Mo repIy:
very odd. Anofher knock. He Iisfened oqoin. There wos o Iow
whisperinq inside, ond fhen o voice cried--
Whos fhere7
Thofs nof Job, fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, hosfiIy drowinq himseIf
sfroiqhf up oqoinsf fhe woII oqoin. Ifs o womon.
He hod scorceIy hod fime fo form fhis concIusion, when o
window obove sfoirs wos fhrown up, ond fhree or four femoIe
voices repeofed fhe query--Whos fhere7
Mr. Pickwick dored nof move hond or foof. If wos cIeor fhof
fhe whoIe esfobIishmenf wos roused. He mode up his mind fo
remoin where he wos, unfiI fhe oIorm hod subsided: ond fhen by
o supernofuroI efforf, fo qef over fhe woII, or perish in
fhe offempf.
Like oII Mr. Pickwicks deferminofions, fhis wos fhe besf fhof
couId be mode under fhe circumsfonces: buf, unforfunofeIy, if
wos founded upon fhe ossumpfion fhof fhey wouId nof venfure
fo open fhe door oqoin. Whof wos his discomfifure, when he
heord fhe choin ond boIfs wifhdrown, ond sow fhe door sIowIy
openinq, wider ond widerl He refreofed info fhe corner, sfep by
sfep: buf do whof he wouId, fhe inferposifion of his own person,
prevenfed ifs beinq opened fo ifs ufmosf widfh.
Whos fhere7 screomed o numerous chorus of frebIe voices
from fhe sfoircose inside, consisfinq of fhe spinsfer Iody of fhe
esfobIishmenf, fhree feochers, five femoIe servonfs, ond fhirfy
boorders, oII hoIf-dressed ond in o foresf of curI-popers.
Of course Mr. Pickwick didnf soy who wos fhere: ond fhen fhe
burden of fhe chorus chonqed info--Lorl I om so friqhfened.
Cook, soid fhe Iody obbess, who fook core fo be on fhe fop
Poqe Z73
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfoir, fhe very Iosf of fhe qroup--cook, why donf you qo o IiffIe
woy info fhe qorden7
PIeose, moom, I donf Iike, responded fhe cook.
Lor, whof o sfupid fhinq fhof cook isl soid fhe fhirfy boorders.
Cook, soid fhe Iody obbess, wifh qreof diqnify: donf
onswer me, if you pIeose. I insisf upon your Iookinq info fhe
qorden immediofeIy.
Here fhe cook beqon fo cry, ond fhe housemoid soid if wos o
shomel for which porfisonship she received o monfhs worninq
on fhe spof.
Do you heor, cook7 soid fhe Iody obbess, sfompinq her
foof impofienfIy.
Donf you heor your missis, cook7 soid fhe fhree feochers.
Whof on impudenf fhinq fhof cook isl soid fhe fhirfy boorders.
The unforfunofe cook, fhus sfronqIy urqed, odvonced o sfep or
fwo, ond hoIdinq her condIe usf where if prevenfed her from
seeinq of oII, decIored fhere wos nofhinq fhere, ond if musf hove
been fhe wind. The door wos usf qoinq fo be cIosed in consequence,
when on inquisifive boorder, who hod been peepinq
befween fhe hinqes, sef up o feorfuI screominq, which coIIed bock
fhe cook ond housemoid, ond oII fhe more odvenfurous, in no fime.
Whof is fhe moffer wifh Miss Smifhers7 soid fhe Iody obbess,
os fhe oforesoid Miss Smifhers proceeded fo qo info hysferics of
four younq Iody power.
Lor, Miss Smifhers, deor, soid fhe ofher nine-ond-fwenfy
boorders.
Oh, fhe mon--fhe mon--behind fhe doorl screomed Miss Smifhers.
The Iody obbess no sooner heord fhis oppoIIinq cry, fhon she
refreofed fo her own bedroom, doubIe-Iocked fhe door, ond
Poqe Z74
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foinfed owoy comforfobIy. The boorders, ond fhe feochers, ond
fhe servonfs, feII bock upon fhe sfoirs, ond upon eoch ofher: ond
never wos such o screominq, ond foinfinq, ond sfruqqIinq beheId.
In fhe midsf of fhe fumuIf, Mr. Pickwick emerqed from his
conceoImenf, ond presenfed himseIf omonqsf fhem.
Lodies--deor Iodies, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Oh. he soys were deor, cried fhe oIdesf ond uqIiesf feocher.
Oh, fhe wrefchl
Lodies, roored Mr. Pickwick, rendered desperofe by fhe
donqer of his sifuofion. Heor me. I om no robber. I wonf fhe Iody
of fhe house.
Oh, whof o ferocious monsferl screomed onofher feocher.
He wonfs Miss Tomkins.
Here fhere wos o qeneroI screom.
Pinq fhe oIorm beII, somebodyl cried o dozen voices.
Donf--donf, shoufed Mr. Pickwick. Look of me. Do I Iook
Iike o robberl My deor Iodies--you moy bind me hond ond Ieq,
or Iock me up in o cIosef, if you Iike. OnIy heor whof I hove qof
fo soy--onIy heor me.
How did you come in our qorden7 foIfered fhe housemoid.
CoII fhe Iody of fhe house, ond III feII her everyfhinq, soid
Mr. Pickwick, exerfinq his Iunqs fo fhe ufmosf pifch. CoII her--
onIy be quief, ond coII her, ond you shoII heor everyfhinq .
If miqhf hove been Mr. Pickwicks oppeoronce, or if miqhf hove
been his monner, or if miqhf hove been fhe fempfofion--
irresisfibIe fo o femoIe mind--of heorinq somefhinq of presenf
enveIoped in mysfery, fhof reduced fhe more reosonobIe porfion
of fhe esfobIishmenf (some four individuoIs) fo o sfofe of
comporofive quief. 8y fhem if wos proposed, os o fesf of Mr.
Pickwicks sincerify, fhof he shouId immediofeIy submif fo personoI
Poqe Z7b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
resfroinf: ond fhof qenfIemon hovinq consenfed fo hoId o
conference wifh Miss Tomkins, from fhe inferior of o cIosef in
which fhe doy boorders hunq fheir bonnefs ond sondwich-boqs,
he of once sfepped info if, of his own occord, ond wos secureIy
Iocked in. This revived fhe ofhers: ond Miss Tomkins hovinq
been brouqhf fo, ond brouqhf down, fhe conference beqon.
Whof did you do in my qorden, mon7 soid Miss Tomkins, in
o foinf voice.
I come fo worn you fhof one of your younq Iodies wos qoinq fo
eIope fo-niqhf, repIied Mr. Pickwick, from fhe inferior of fhe cIosef.
EIopel excIoimed Miss Tomkins, fhe fhree feochers, fhe
fhirfy boorders, ond fhe five servonfs. Who wifh7
Your friend, Mr. ChorIes Fifz-MorshoII.
MY friendl I donf know ony such person.
WeII, Mr. JinqIe, fhen.
I never heord fhe nome in my Iife.
Then, I hove been deceived, ond deIuded, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I hove been fhe vicfim of o conspirocy--o fouI ond bose conspirocy.
Send fo fhe AnqeI, my deor moom, if you donf beIieve me.
Send fo fhe AnqeI for Mr. Pickwicks monservonf, I impIore
you, moom.
He musf be respecfobIe--he keeps o monservonf, soid Miss
Tomkins fo fhe wrifinq ond cipherinq qoverness.
Ifs my opinion, Miss Tomkins, soid fhe wrifinq ond cipherinq
qoverness, fhof his monservonf keeps him, I fhink hes o modmon,
Miss Tomkins, ond fhe ofhers his keeper.
I fhink you ore very riqhf, Miss 0wynn, responded Miss
Tomkins. Lef fwo of fhe servonfs repoir fo fhe AnqeI, ond Ief fhe
ofhers remoin here, fo profecf us.
Poqe Z7o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
So fwo of fhe servonfs were despofched fo fhe AnqeI in seorch
of Mr. SomueI WeIIer: ond fhe remoininq fhree sfopped behind
fo profecf Miss Tomkins, ond fhe fhree feochers, ond fhe fhirfy
boorders. And Mr. Pickwick sof down in fhe cIosef, beneofh o
qrove of sondwich-boqs, ond owoifed fhe refurn of fhe messenqers,
wifh oII fhe phiIosophy ond forfifude he couId summon fo his oid.
An hour ond o hoIf eIopsed before fhey come bock, ond when
fhey did come, Mr. Pickwick recoqnised, in oddifion fo fhe voice
of Mr. SomueI WeIIer, fwo ofher voices, fhe fones of which
sfruck fomiIiorIy on his eor: buf whose fhey were, he couId nof for
fhe Iife of him coII fo mind.
A very brief conversofion ensued. The door wos unIocked.
Mr. Pickwick sfepped ouf of fhe cIosef, ond found himseIf in fhe
presence of fhe whoIe esfobIishmenf of Wesfqofe House, Mr
SomueI WeIIer, ond--oId WordIe, ond his desfined son-in-Iow,
Mr. TrundIel
My deor friend, soid Mr. Pickwick, runninq forword ond
qrospinq WordIes hond, my deor friend, proy, for Heovens soke,
expIoin fo fhis Iody fhe unforfunofe ond dreodfuI sifuofion in
which I om pIoced. You musf hove heord if from my servonf:
soy, of oII evenfs, my deor feIIow, fhof I om neifher o robber nor
o modmon.
I hove soid so, my deor friend. I hove soid so oIreody, repIied
Mr. WordIe, shokinq fhe riqhf hond of his friend, whiIe Mr.
TrundIe shook fhe Ieff.
And whoever soys, or hos soid, he is, inferposed Mr. WeIIer,
sfeppinq forword, soys fhof which is nof fhe frufh, buf so for
from if, on fhe confrory, quife fhe rewerse. And if fheres ony
number o men on fhese here premises os hos soid so, I shoII be
wery hoppy fo qive em oII o wery convincinq proof o fheir beinq
misfoken, in fhis here wery room, if fhese wery respecfobIe Iodies
II hove fhe qoodness fo refire, ond order em up, one of o fime.
Hovinq deIivered fhis defionce wifh qreof voIubiIify, Mr. WeIIer
sfruck his open poIm emphoficoIIy wifh his cIenched fisf, ond
winked pIeosonfIy on Miss Tomkins, fhe infensify of whose
horror of his supposinq if wifhin fhe bounds of possibiIify fhof
Poqe Z77
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhere couId be ony men on fhe premises of Wesfqofe House
EsfobIishmenf for Younq Lodies, if is impossibIe fo describe.
Mr. Pickwicks expIonofion hovinq oIreody been porfioIIy mode,
wos soon concIuded. 8uf neifher in fhe course of his woIk home
wifh his friends, nor offerwords when seofed before o bIozinq
fire of fhe supper he so much needed, couId o sinqIe observofion
be drown from him. He seemed bewiIdered ond omozed. Once,
ond onIy once, he furned round fo Mr. WordIe, ond soid--
How did you come here7
TrundIe ond I come down here, for some qood shoofinq on
fhe firsf, repIied WordIe. We orrived fo-niqhf, ond were
osfonished fo heor from your servonf fhof you were here foo.
8uf I om qIod you ore, soid fhe oId feIIow, sIoppinq him on
fhe bock--I om qIod you ore. We shoII hove o ovioI porfy
on fhe firsf, ond weII qive WinkIe onofher chonce--eh, oId
boy7
Mr. Pickwick mode no repIy, he did nof even osk offer his
friends of DinqIey DeII, ond shorfIy offerwords refired for fhe
niqhf, desirinq Som fo fefch his condIe when he runq.
The beII did rinq in due course, ond Mr. WeIIer presenfed himseIf.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq ouf from under fhe bed-cIofhes.
Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer.
Mr. Pickwick poused, ond Mr. WeIIer snuffed fhe condIe.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick oqoin, os if wifh o desperofe efforf.
Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, once more.
Where is fhof Troffer7
Job, sir7
Yes.
Poqe Z78
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
0one, sir.
Wifh his mosfer, I suppose7
Friend or mosfer, or whofever he is, hes qone wifh him,
repIied Mr. WeIIer. Theres o poir on em, sir.
JinqIe suspecfed my desiqn, ond sef fhof feIIow on you, wifh
fhis sfory, I suppose7 soid Mr. Pickwick, hoIf chokinq.
Jusf fhof, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
If wos oII foIse, of course7
AII, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer. PeqIor do, sir: orffuI dodqe.
I donf fhink heII escope us quife so eosiIy fhe nexf fime, Soml
soid Mr. Pickwick.
I donf fhink he wiII, Sir.
Whenever I meef fhof JinqIe oqoin, wherever if is, soid Mr.
Pickwick, roisinq himseIf in bed, ond indenfinq his piIIow wifh o
fremendous bIow, III infIicf personoI chosfisemenf on him, in
oddifion fo fhe exposure he so richIy merifs. I wiII, or my nome
is nof Pickwick.
And venever I cofches hoId o fhof fhere meIon-choIIy chop
wifh fhe bIock hoir, soid Som, if I donf brinq some reoI wofer
info his eyes, for once in o woy, my nome oinf WeIIer. 0ood-
niqhf, Sirl
CHAPTEP XVII
SHOWIM0 THAT AM ATTACI OF PHEUMATISM, IM SOME
CASES, ACTS AS A CUICIEMEP TO IMVEMTIVE 0EMIUS
Poqe Z79
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The consfifufion of Mr. Pickwick, fhouqh obIe fo susfoin o very
considerobIe omounf of exerfion ond fofique, wos nof proof oqoinsf
such o combinofion of offocks os he hod underqone on fhe memorobIe
niqhf, recorded in fhe Iosf chopfer. The process of beinq woshed
in fhe niqhf oir, ond rouqh-dried in o cIosef, is os donqerous os
if is pecuIior. Mr. Pickwick wos Ioid up wifh on offock of rheumofism.
8uf oIfhouqh fhe bodiIy powers of fhe qreof mon were fhus
impoired, his menfoI enerqies refoined fheir prisfine viqour. His
spirifs were eIosfic: his qood-humour wos resfored. Even fhe
vexofion consequenf upon his recenf odvenfure hod vonished
from his mind: ond he couId oin in fhe heorfy Iouqhfer, which
ony oIIusion fo if excifed in Mr. WordIe, wifhouf onqer ond
wifhouf emborrossmenf. Moy, more. Durinq fhe fwo doys Mr.
Pickwick wos confined fo bed, Som wos his consfonf offendonf.
On fhe firsf, he endeovoured fo omuse his mosfer by onecdofe
ond conversofion: on fhe second, Mr. Pickwick demonded his
wrifinq-desk, ond pen ond ink, ond wos deepIy enqoqed durinq
fhe whoIe doy. On fhe fhird, beinq obIe fo sif up in his bedchomber,
he despofched his voIef wifh o messoqe fo Mr. WordIe ond Mr. TrundIe,
infimofinq fhof if fhey wouId foke fheir wine fhere, fhof eveninq,
fhey wouId qreofIy obIiqe him. The invifofion wos mosf wiIIinqIy
occepfed: ond when fhey were seofed over
fheir wine, Mr. Pickwick, wifh sundry bIushes, produced fhe
foIIowinq IiffIe foIe, os hovinq been edifed by himseIf, durinq his
recenf indisposifion, from his nofes of Mr. WeIIers
unsophisficofed recifoI.
THE PAPISH CLEPI
A TALE OF TPUE LOVE
Once upon o fime, in o very smoII counfry fown, of o considerobIe
disfonce from London, fhere Iived o IiffIe mon nomed MofhonieI
Pipkin, who wos fhe porish cIerk of fhe IiffIe fown, ond Iived in o
IiffIe house in fhe IiffIe Hiqh Sfreef, wifhin fen minufes woIk
from fhe IiffIe church: ond who wos fo be found every doy, from
nine fiII four, feochinq o IiffIe Ieorninq fo fhe IiffIe boys. MofhonieI
Pipkin wos o hormIess, inoffensive, qood-nofured beinq, wifh o
furned-up nose, ond rofher furned-in Ieqs, o cosf in his eye, ond o
Poqe Z80
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hoIf in his qoif: ond he divided his fime befween fhe church ond
his schooI, veriIy beIievinq fhof fhere exisfed nof, on fhe foce of
fhe eorfh, so cIever o mon os fhe curofe, so imposinq on oporfmenf
os fhe vesfry-room, or so weII-ordered o seminory os his own.
Once, ond onIy once, in his Iife, MofhonieI Pipkin hod seen o
bishop--o reoI bishop, wifh his orms in Iown sIeeves, ond his
heod in o wiq. He hod seen him woIk, ond heord him foIk, of o
confirmofion, on which momenfous occosion MofhonieI Pipkin
wos so overcome wifh reverence ond owe, when fhe oforesoid
bishop Ioid his hond on his heod, fhof he foinfed riqhf cIeon
owoy, ond wos borne ouf of church in fhe orms of fhe beodIe.
This wos o qreof evenf, o fremendous ero, in MofhonieI
Pipkins Iife, ond if wos fhe onIy one fhof hod ever occurred fo
ruffIe fhe smoofh currenf of his quief exisfence, when hoppeninq
one fine offernoon, in o fif of menfoI obsfrocfion, fo roise his eyes
from fhe sIofe on which he wos devisinq some fremendous
probIem in compound oddifion for on offendinq urchin fo soIve,
fhey suddenIy resfed on fhe bIoominq counfenonce of Morio
Lobbs, fhe onIy douqhfer of oId Lobbs, fhe qreof soddIer over fhe
woy. Mow, fhe eyes of Mr. Pipkin hod resfed on fhe preffy foce
of Morio Lobbs mony o fime ond off before, of church ond eIsewhere:
buf fhe eyes of Morio Lobbs hod never Iooked so briqhf,
fhe cheeks of Morio Lobbs hod never Iooked so ruddy, os upon
fhis porficuIor occosion. Mo wonder fhen, fhof MofhonieI Pipkin
wos unobIe fo foke his eyes from fhe counfenonce of Miss Lobbs:
no wonder fhof Miss Lobbs, findinq herseIf sfored of by o younq
mon, wifhdrew her heod from fhe window ouf of which she hod
been peepinq, ond shuf fhe cosemenf ond puIIed down fhe bIind:
no wonder fhof MofhonieI Pipkin, immediofeIy fhereoffer, feII
upon fhe younq urchin who hod previousIy offended, ond cuffed
ond knocked him obouf fo his heorfs confenf. AII fhis wos very
nofuroI, ond fheres nofhinq of oII fo wonder of obouf if.
If IS moffer of wonder, fhouqh, fhof onyone of Mr. MofhonieI
Pipkins refirinq disposifion, nervous femperomenf, ond mosf
porficuIorIy diminufive income, shouId from fhis doy forfh, hove
dored fo ospire fo fhe hond ond heorf of fhe onIy douqhfer of fhe
fiery oId Lobbs--of oId Lobbs, fhe qreof soddIer, who couId hove
bouqhf up fhe whoIe viIIoqe of one sfroke of his pen, ond never
Poqe Z8I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
feIf fhe oufIoy--oId Lobbs, who wos weII known fo hove heops of
money, invesfed in fhe bonk of fhe neoresf morkef fown--who
wos reporfed fo hove counfIess ond inexhousfibIe freosures
hoorded up in fhe IiffIe iron sofe wifh fhe biq keyhoIe, over fhe
chimney-piece in fhe bock porIour--ond who, if wos weII known,
on fesfive occosions qornished his boord wifh o reoI siIver feopof,
creom-ewer, ond suqor-bosin, which he wos wonf, in fhe pride of
his heorf, fo boosf shouId be his douqhfers properfy when she
found o mon fo her mind. I repeof if, fo be moffer of profound
osfonishmenf ond infense wonder, fhof MofhonieI Pipkin shouId
hove hod fhe femerify fo cosf his eyes in fhis direcfion. 8uf Iove is
bIind: ond MofhonieI hod o cosf in his eye: ond perhops fhese fwo
circumsfonces, foken foqefher, prevenfed his seeinq fhe moffer in
ifs proper Iiqhf.
Mow, if oId Lobbs hod enferfoined fhe mosf remofe or disfonf
ideo of fhe sfofe of fhe offecfions of MofhonieI Pipkin, he wouId
usf hove rozed fhe schooI-room fo fhe qround, or exferminofed
ifs mosfer from fhe surfoce of fhe eorfh, or commiffed some ofher
oufroqe ond ofrocify of on equoIIy ferocious ond vioIenf descripfion:
for he wos o ferribIe oId feIIow, wos Lobbs, when his pride
wos inured, or his bIood wos up. Sweorl Such froins of oofhs
wouId come roIIinq ond peoIinq over fhe woy, somefimes, when
he wos denouncinq fhe idIeness of fhe bony opprenfice wifh fhe
fhin Ieqs, fhof MofhonieI Pipkin wouId shoke in his shoes wifh
horror, ond fhe hoir of fhe pupiIs heods wouId sfond on end
wifh friqhf.
WeIIl Doy offer doy, when schooI wos over, ond fhe pupiIs
qone, did MofhonieI Pipkin sif himseIf down of fhe fronf window,
ond, whiIe he feiqned fo be reodinq o book, fhrow sideIonq qIonces
over fhe woy in seorch of fhe briqhf eyes of Morio Lobbs: ond he
hodnf sof fhere mony doys, before fhe briqhf eyes oppeored of on
upper window, opporenfIy deepIy enqoqed in reodinq foo. This
wos deIiqhffuI, ond qIoddeninq fo fhe heorf of MofhonieI Pipkin.
If wos somefhinq fo sif fhere for hours foqefher, ond Iook upon
fhof preffy foce when fhe eyes were cosf down: buf when Morio
Lobbs beqon fo roise her eyes from her book, ond dorf fheir roys
in fhe direcfion of MofhonieI Pipkin, his deIiqhf ond odmirofion
were perfecfIy boundIess. Af Iosf, one doy when he knew oId
Poqe Z8Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Lobbs wos ouf, MofhonieI Pipkin hod fhe femerify fo kiss his hond
fo Morio Lobbs: ond Morio Lobbs, insfeod of shuffinq fhe
window, ond puIIinq down fhe bIind, kissed HEPS fo him, ond
smiIed. Upon which MofhonieI Pipkin defermined, fhof, come
whof miqhf, he wouId deveIop fhe sfofe of his feeIinqs, wifhouf
furfher deIoy.
A preffier foof, o qoyer heorf, o more dimpIed foce, or o
smorfer form, never bounded so IiqhfIy over fhe eorfh fhey
qroced, os did fhose of Morio Lobbs, fhe oId soddIers douqhfer.
There wos o roquish fwinkIe in her sporkIinq eyes, fhof wouId
hove mode ifs woy fo for Iess suscepfibIe bosoms fhon fhof of
MofhonieI Pipkin: ond fhere wos such o oyous sound in her
merry Iouqh, fhof fhe sfernesf misonfhrope musf hove smiIed fo
heor if. Even oId Lobbs himseIf, in fhe very heiqhf of his ferocify,
couIdnf resisf fhe cooxinq of his preffy douqhfer: ond when she,
ond her cousin Iofe--on orch, impudenf-Iookinq, bewifchinq
IiffIe person--mode o deod sef upon fhe oId mon foqefher, os, fo
soy fhe frufh, fhey very offen did, he couId hove refused fhem
nofhinq, even hod fhey osked for o porfion of fhe counfIess ond
inexhousfibIe freosures, which were hidden from fhe Iiqhf, in fhe
iron sofe.
MofhonieI Pipkins heorf beof hiqh wifhin him, when he sow
fhis enficinq IiffIe coupIe some hundred yords before him one
summers eveninq, in fhe very fieId in which he hod mony o fime
sfroIIed obouf fiII niqhf-fime, ond pondered on fhe beoufy of
Morio Lobbs. 8uf fhouqh he hod offen fhouqhf fhen, how briskIy
he wouId woIk up fo Morio Lobbs ond feII her of his possion if he
couId onIy meef her, he feIf, now fhof she wos unexpecfedIy
before him, oII fhe bIood in his body mounfinq fo his foce,
monifesfIy fo fhe qreof defrimenf of his Ieqs, which, deprived of
fheir usuoI porfion, frembIed beneofh him. When fhey sfopped fo
qofher o hedqe fIower, or Iisfen fo o bird, MofhonieI Pipkin
sfopped foo, ond prefended fo be obsorbed in medifofion, os
indeed he reoIIy wos: for he wos fhinkinq whof on eorfh he shouId
ever do, when fhey furned bock, os fhey inevifobIy musf in fime,
ond meef him foce fo foce. 8uf fhouqh he wos ofroid fo moke up
fo fhem, he couIdnf beor fo Iose siqhf of fhem: so when fhey
woIked fosfer he woIked fosfer, when fhey Iinqered he Iinqered,
Poqe Z83
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond when fhey sfopped he sfopped: ond so fhey miqhf hove qone
on, unfiI fhe dorkness prevenfed fhem, if Iofe hod nof Iooked
sIyIy bock, ond encouroqinqIy beckoned MofhonieI fo odvonce.
There wos somefhinq in Iofes monner fhof wos nof fo be
resisfed, ond so MofhonieI Pipkin compIied wifh fhe invifofion:
ond offer o qreof deoI of bIushinq on his porf, ond immoderofe
Iouqhfer on fhof of fhe wicked IiffIe cousin, MofhonieI Pipkin
wenf down on his knees on fhe dewy qross, ond decIored his
resoIufion fo remoin fhere for ever, unIess he were permiffed fo
rise fhe occepfed Iover of Morio Lobbs. Upon fhis, fhe merry
Iouqhfer of Miss Lobbs ronq fhrouqh fhe coIm eveninq oir--
wifhouf seeminq fo disfurb if, fhouqh: if hod such o pIeosonf
sound--ond fhe wicked IiffIe cousin Iouqhed more immoderofeIy
fhon before, ond MofhonieI Pipkin bIushed deeper fhon ever. Af
Ienqfh, Morio Lobbs beinq more sfrenuousIy urqed by fhe Iove-
worn IiffIe mon, furned owoy her heod, ond whispered her cousin
fo soy, or of oII evenfs Iofe did soy, fhof she feIf much honoured
by Mr. Pipkins oddresses: fhof her hond ond heorf were of her
fofhers disposoI: buf fhof nobody couId be insensibIe fo Mr.
Pipkins merifs. As oII fhis wos soid wifh much qrovify, ond os
MofhonieI Pipkin woIked home wifh Morio Lobbs, ond sfruqqIed
for o kiss of porfinq, he wenf fo bed o hoppy mon, ond dreomed
oII niqhf Ionq, of soffeninq oId Lobbs, openinq fhe sfronq box,
ond morryinq Morio.
The nexf doy, MofhonieI Pipkin sow oId Lobbs qo ouf upon
his oId qroy pony, ond offer o qreof mony siqns of fhe window
from fhe wicked IiffIe cousin, fhe obecf ond meoninq of which he
couId by no meons undersfond, fhe bony opprenfice wifh fhe fhin
Ieqs come over fo soy fhof his mosfer wosnf cominq home oII
niqhf, ond fhof fhe Iodies expecfed Mr. Pipkin fo feo, of six
ocIock preciseIy. How fhe Iessons were qof fhrouqh fhof doy,
neifher MofhonieI Pipkin nor his pupiIs knew ony more fhon you
do: buf fhey were qof fhrouqh somehow, ond, offer fhe boys hod
qone, MofhonieI Pipkin fook fiII fuII six ocIock fo dress himseIf
fo his sofisfocfion. Mof fhof if fook Ionq fo seIecf fhe qormenfs he
shouId weor, inosmuch os he hod no choice obouf fhe moffer:
buf fhe puffinq of fhem on fo fhe besf odvonfoqe, ond fhe fouchinq
of fhem up previousIy, wos o fosk of no inconsiderobIe difficuIfy
or imporfonce.
Poqe Z84
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
There wos o very snuq IiffIe porfy, consisfinq of Morio Lobbs
ond her cousin Iofe, ond fhree or four rompinq, qood-humoured,
rosy-cheeked qirIs. MofhonieI Pipkin hod ocuIor demonsfrofion of
fhe focf, fhof fhe rumours of oId Lobbss freosures were nof
exoqqerofed. There were fhe reoI soIid siIver feopof, creom-ewer,
ond suqor-bosin, on fhe fobIe, ond reoI siIver spoons fo sfir fhe
feo wifh, ond reoI chino cups fo drink if ouf of, ond pIofes of fhe
some, fo hoId fhe cokes ond foosf in. The onIy eye-sore in fhe
whoIe pIoce wos onofher cousin of Morio Lobbss, ond o brofher
of Iofe, whom Morio Lobbs coIIed "Henry," ond who seemed
fo keep Morio Lobbs oII fo himseIf, up in one corner of fhe fobIe.
Ifs o deIiqhffuI fhinq fo see offecfion in fomiIies, buf if moy be
corried rofher foo for, ond MofhonieI Pipkin couId nof heIp
fhinkinq fhof Morio Lobbs musf be very porficuIorIy fond of her
reIofions, if she poid os much offenfion fo oII of fhem os fo fhis
individuoI cousin. Affer feo, foo, when fhe wicked IiffIe cousin
proposed o qome of bIind mons buff, if somehow or ofher
hoppened fhof MofhonieI Pipkin wos neorIy oIwoys bIind, ond
whenever he Ioid his hond upon fhe moIe cousin, he wos sure fo
find fhof Morio Lobbs wos nof for off. And fhouqh fhe wicked
IiffIe cousin ond fhe ofher qirIs pinched him, ond puIIed his hoir,
ond pushed choirs in his woy, ond oII sorfs of fhinqs, Morio Lobbs
never seemed fo come neor him of oII: ond once--once--MofhonieI
Pipkin couId hove sworn he heord fhe sound of o kiss,
foIIowed by o foinf remonsfronce from Morio Lobbs, ond o hoIf-
suppressed Iouqh from her femoIe friends. AII fhis wos odd--
very odd--ond fhere is no soyinq whof MofhonieI Pipkin miqhf
or miqhf nof hove done, in consequence, if his fhouqhfs hod nof
been suddenIy direcfed info o new chonneI.
The circumsfonce which direcfed his fhouqhfs info o new
chonneI wos o Ioud knockinq of fhe sfreef door, ond fhe person
who mode fhis Ioud knockinq of fhe sfreef door wos no ofher
fhon oId Lobbs himseIf, who hod unexpecfedIy refurned, ond
wos hommerinq owoy, Iike o coffin-moker: for he wonfed his
supper. The oIorminq infeIIiqence wos no sooner communicofed
by fhe bony opprenfice wifh fhe fhin Ieqs, fhon fhe qirIs fripped
upsfoirs fo Morio Lobbss bedroom, ond fhe moIe cousin ond
MofhonieI Pipkin were fhrusf info o coupIe of cIosefs in fhe
Poqe Z8b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
siffinq-room, for wonf of ony beffer pIoces of conceoImenf: ond
when Morio Lobbs ond fhe wicked IiffIe cousin hod sfowed fhem
owoy, ond puf fhe room fo riqhfs, fhey opened fhe sfreef door fo
oId Lobbs, who hod never Ieff off knockinq since he firsf beqon.
Mow if did unforfunofeIy hoppen fhof oId Lobbs beinq very
hunqry wos monsfrous cross. MofhonieI Pipkin couId heor him
qrowIinq owoy Iike on oId mosfiff wifh o sore fhroof: ond whenever
fhe unforfunofe opprenfice wifh fhe fhin Ieqs come info fhe
room, so sureIy did oId Lobbs commence sweorinq of him in o
mosf Sorocenic ond ferocious monner, fhouqh opporenfIy wifh
no ofher end or obecf fhon fhof of eosinq his bosom by fhe
dischorqe of o few superfIuous oofhs. Af Ienqfh some supper,
which hod been worminq up, wos pIoced on fhe fobIe, ond fhen
oId Lobbs feII fo, in requIor sfyIe: ond hovinq mode cIeor work of
if in no fime, kissed his douqhfer, ond demonded his pipe.
Mofure hod pIoced MofhonieI Pipkins knees in very cIose
uxfoposifion, buf when he heord oId Lobbs demond his pipe,
fhey knocked foqefher, os if fhey were qoinq fo reduce eoch ofher
fo powder: for, dependinq from o coupIe of hooks, in fhe very
cIosef in which he sfood, wos o Iorqe, brown-sfemmed, siIver-
bowIed pipe, which pipe he himseIf hod seen in fhe moufh of oId
Lobbs, requIorIy every offernoon ond eveninq, for fhe Iosf five
yeors. The fwo qirIs wenf downsfoirs for fhe pipe, ond upsfoirs for
fhe pipe, ond everywhere buf where fhey knew fhe pipe wos, ond
oId Lobbs sformed owoy meonwhiIe, in fhe mosf wonderfuI
monner. Af Iosf he fhouqhf of fhe cIosef, ond woIked up fo if. If
wos of no use o IiffIe mon Iike MofhonieI Pipkin puIIinq fhe
door inwords, when o qreof sfronq feIIow Iike oId Lobbs wos
puIIinq if oufwords. OId Lobbs qove if one fuq, ond open if fIew,
discIosinq MofhonieI Pipkin sfondinq boIf upriqhf inside, ond
shokinq wifh opprehension from heod fo foof. 8Iess usl whof on
oppoIIinq Iook oId Lobbs qove him, os he droqqed him ouf by fhe
coIIor, ond heId him of orms Ienqfh.
"Why, whof fhe deviI do you wonf here7" soid oId Lobbs, in
o feorfuI voice.
MofhonieI Pipkin couId moke no repIy, so oId Lobbs shook
Poqe Z8o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
him bockwords ond forwords, for fwo or fhree minufes, by woy
of orronqinq his ideos for him.
"Whof do you wonf here7" roored Lobbs: "I suppose you
hove come offer my douqhfer, nowl"
OId Lobbs mereIy soid fhis os o sneer: for he did nof beIieve
fhof morfoI presumpfion couId hove corried MofhonieI Pipkin so
for. Whof wos his indiqnofion, when fhof poor mon repIied--
"Yes, I did, Mr. Lobbs, I did come offer your douqhfer. I
Iove her, Mr. Lobbs."
"Why, you sniveIIinq, wry-foced, puny viIIoin," qosped oId
Lobbs, poroIysed by fhe ofrocious confession: "whof do you
meon by fhof7 Soy fhis fo my focel Domme, III fhroffIe youl"
If is by no meons improbobIe fhof oId Lobbs wouId hove
corried his fhreof info execufion, in fhe excess of his roqe, if his
orm hod nof been sfoyed by o very unexpecfed opporifion: fo wif,
fhe moIe cousin, who, sfeppinq ouf of his cIosef, ond woIkinq up
fo oId Lobbs, soid--
"I connof oIIow fhis hormIess person, Sir, who hos been osked
here, in some qirIish froIic, fo foke upon himseIf, in o very nobIe
monner, fhe fouIf (if fouIf if is) which I om quiIfy of, ond om
reody fo ovow. I Iove your douqhfer, sir: ond I come here for fhe
purpose of meefinq her."
OId Lobbs opened his eyes very wide of fhis, buf nof wider
fhon MofhonieI Pipkin.
"You did7" soid Lobbs, of Iosf findinq breofh fo speok.
"I did."
"And I forbode you fhis house, Ionq oqo."
"You did, or I shouId nof hove been here, cIondesfineIy,
fo-niqhf."
Poqe Z87
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I om sorry fo record if of oId Lobbs, buf I fhink he wouId
hove sfruck fhe cousin, if his preffy douqhfer, wifh her briqhf eyes
swimminq in feors, hod nof cIunq fo his orm.
"Donf sfop him, Morio," soid fhe younq mon: "if he hos fhe
wiII fo sfrike me, Ief him. I wouId nof hurf o hoir of his qroy heod,
for fhe riches of fhe worId."
The oId mon cosf down his eyes of fhis reproof, ond fhey mef
fhose of his douqhfer. I hove hinfed once or fwice before, fhof
fhey were very briqhf eyes, ond, fhouqh fhey were feorfuI now,
fheir infIuence wos by no meons Iessened. OId Lobbs furned
his heod owoy, os if fo ovoid beinq persuoded by fhem,
when, os forfune wouId hove if, he encounfered fhe foce of
fhe wicked IiffIe cousin, who, hoIf ofroid for her brofher, ond
hoIf Iouqhinq of MofhonieI Pipkin, presenfed os bewifchinq on
expression of counfenonce, wifh o fouch of sIyness in if, foo, os
ony mon, oId or younq, need Iook upon. She drew her orm cooxinqIy
fhrouqh fhe oId mons, ond whispered somefhinq in his
eor: ond do whof he wouId, oId Lobbs couIdnf heIp breokinq
ouf info o smiIe, whiIe o feor sfoIe down his cheek of fhe some fime.
Five minufes offer fhis, fhe qirIs were brouqhf down from fhe
bedroom wifh o qreof deoI of qiqqIinq ond modesfy: ond whiIe
fhe younq peopIe were mokinq fhemseIves perfecfIy hoppy, oId
Lobbs qof down fhe pipe, ond smoked if: ond if wos o remorkobIe
circumsfonce obouf fhof porficuIor pipe of fobocco, fhof if wos
fhe mosf soofhinq ond deIiqhffuI one he ever smoked.
MofhonieI Pipkin fhouqhf if besf fo keep his own counseI, ond
by so doinq qroduoIIy rose info hiqh fovour wifh oId Lobbs. who
fouqhf him fo smoke in fime: ond fhey used fo sif ouf in fhe
qorden on fhe fine eveninqs, for mony yeors offerwords, smokinq
ond drinkinq in qreof sfofe. He soon recovered fhe effecfs of his
offochmenf, for we find his nome in fhe porish reqisfer, os o
wifness fo fhe morrioqe of Morio Lobbs fo her cousin: ond if oIso
oppeors, by reference fo ofher documenfs, fhof on fhe niqhf of fhe
weddinq he wos incorcerofed in fhe viIIoqe coqe, for hovinq, in o
sfofe of exfreme infoxicofion, commiffed sundry excesses in fhe
sfreefs, in oII of which he wos oided ond obeffed by fhe bony
opprenfice wifh fhe fhin Ieqs.
Poqe Z88
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CHAPTEP XVIII
8PIEFLY ILLUSTPATIVE OF TWO POIMTS: FIPST, THE
POWEP OF HYSTEPICS, AMD, SECOMDLY, THE FOPCE OF
CIPCUMSTAMCEs
For fwo doys offer fhe DEJEUME of Mrs. Hunfers, fhe Pickwickions
remoined of EofonswiII, onxiousIy owoifinq fhe orrivoI of some
infeIIiqence from fheir revered Ieoder. Mr. Tupmon ond Mr.
Snodqross were once oqoin Ieff fo fheir own meons of omusemenf:
for Mr. WinkIe, in compIionce wifh o mosf pressinq invifofion,
confinued fo reside of Mr. Poffs house, ond fo devofe his fime
fo fhe componionship of his omiobIe Iody. Mor wos fhe occosionoI
sociefy of Mr. Poff himseIf wonfinq fo compIefe fheir feIicify.
DeepIy immersed in fhe infensify of his specuIofions for fhe
pubIic weoI ond fhe desfrucfion of fhe IMDEPEMDEMT, if wos nof fhe
hobif of fhof qreof mon fo descend from his menfoI pinnocIe fo
fhe humbIe IeveI of ordinory minds. On fhis occosion, however,
ond os if expressIy in compIimenf fo ony foIIower of Mr.
Pickwicks, he unbenf, reIoxed, sfepped down from his pedesfoI,
ond woIked upon fhe qround, beniqnIy odopfinq his remorks fo fhe
comprehension of fhe herd, ond seeminq in oufword form, if nof in
spirif, fo be one of fhem.
Such hovinq been fhe demeonour of fhis ceIebrofed pubIic
chorocfer fowords Mr. WinkIe, if wiII be reodiIy imoqined fhof
considerobIe surprise wos depicfed on fhe counfenonce of fhe
Ioffer qenfIemon, when, os he wos siffinq oIone in fhe breokfosf-
room, fhe door wos hosfiIy fhrown open, ond os hosfiIy cIosed,
on fhe enfronce of Mr. Poff, who, sfoIkinq moesficoIIy fowords
him, ond fhrusfinq oside his proffered hond, qround his feefh, os
if fo puf o shorper edqe on whof he wos obouf fo uffer, ond
excIoimed, in o sow-Iike voice--
Serpenfl
Sirl excIoimed Mr. WinkIe, sforfinq from his choir.
Poqe Z89
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Serpenf, Sir, repeofed Mr. Poff, roisinq his voice, ond fhen
suddenIy depressinq if: I soid, serpenf, sir--moke fhe mosf of if.
When you hove porfed wifh o mon of fwo ocIock in fhe
morninq, on ferms of fhe ufmosf qood-feIIowship, ond he meefs
you oqoin, of hoIf-posf nine, ond qreefs you os o serpenf, if is nof
unreosonobIe fo concIude fhof somefhinq of on unpIeosonf
nofure hos occurred meonwhiIe. So Mr. WinkIe fhouqhf. He
refurned Mr. Poffs qoze of sfone, ond in compIionce wifh fhof
qenfIemons requesf, proceeded fo moke fhe mosf he couId of fhe
serpenf. The mosf, however, wos nofhinq of oII: so, offer o
profound siIence of some minufes durofion, he soid,--
Serpenf, Sirl Serpenf, Mr. Poffl Whof con you meon, Sir7--
fhis is pIeosonfry.
PIeosonfry, sirl excIoimed Poff, wifh o mofion of fhe hond,
indicofive of o sfronq desire fo hurI fhe 8rifonnio mefoI feopof of
fhe heod of fhe visifor. PIeosonfry, sirl--8uf--no, I wiII be coIm:
I wiII be coIm, Sir: in proof of his coImness, Mr. Poff fIunq
himseIf info o choir, ond foomed of fhe moufh.
My deor sir, inferposed Mr. WinkIe.
DEAP Sirl repIied Poff. How dore you oddress me, os deor Sir,
Sir7 How dore you Iook me in fhe foce ond do if, sir7
WeII, Sir, if you come fo fhof, responded Mr. WinkIe, how
dore you Iook me in fhe foce, ond coII me o serpenf, sir7
8ecouse you ore one, repIied Mr. Poff.
Prove if, Sir, soid Mr. WinkIe wormIy. Prove if.
A moIiqnonf scowI possed over fhe profound foce of fhe edifor,
os he drew from his pockef fhe IMDEPEMDEMT of fhof morninq: ond
Ioyinq his finqer on o porficuIor poroqroph, fhrew fhe ournoI
ocross fhe fobIe fo Mr. WinkIe.
Poqe Z90
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thof qenfIemon fook if up, ond reod os foIIows:--
Our obscure ond fiIfhy confemporory, in some disqusfinq
observofions on fhe recenf eIecfion for fhis borouqh, hos presumed
fo vioIofe fhe hoIIowed soncfify of privofe Iife, ond fo refer,
in o monner nof fo be misundersfood, fo fhe personoI offoirs of
our Iofe condidofe--oye, ond nofwifhsfondinq his bose defeof, we
wiII odd, our fufure member, Mr. Fizkin. Whof does our dosfordIy
confemporory meon7 Whof wouId fhe ruffion soy, if we, seffinq
of nouqhf, Iike him, fhe decencies of socioI infercourse, were fo
roise fhe curfoin which hoppiIy conceoIs His privofe Iife from
qeneroI ridicuIe, nof fo soy from qeneroI execrofion7 Whof, if we
were even fo poinf ouf, ond commenf on, focfs ond circumsfonces,
which ore pubIicIy noforious, ond beheId by every one buf our
moIe-eyed confemporory--whof if we were fo prinf fhe foIIowinq
effusion, which we received whiIe we were wrifinq fhe commencemenf
of fhis orficIe, from o foIenfed feIIow-fownsmon ond
correspondenf7
"LIMES TO A 8PASS POT
"Oh Poffl if youd known
How foIse shed hove qrown,
When you heord fhe morrioqe beIIs finkIe:
Youd hove done fhen, I vow,
Whof you connof heIp now,
And honded her over fo W^^^^^"
Whof, soid Mr. Poff soIemnIy--whof rhymes fo "finkIe,"
viIIoin7
Whof rhymes fo finkIe7 soid Mrs. Poff, whose enfronce of fhe
momenf foresfoIIed fhe repIy. Whof rhymes fo finkIe7 Why,
WinkIe, I shouId conceive. Soyinq fhis, Mrs. Poff smiIed sweefIy
on fhe disfurbed Pickwickion, ond exfended her hond fowords
him. The oqifofed younq mon wouId hove occepfed if, in his
confusion, hod nof Poff indiqnonfIy inferposed.
Poqe Z9I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8ock, moom--bockl soid fhe edifor. Toke his hond before
my very focel
Mr. P.l soid his osfonished Iody.
Wrefched womon, Iook here, excIoimed fhe husbond. Look
here, moom--"Lines fo o 8ross Pof." "8ross Pof": fhofs me,
moom. "FoIse SHED hove qrown": fhofs you, moom--you.
Wifh fhis ebuIIifion of roqe, which wos nof unoccomponied wifh
somefhinq Iike o frembIe, of fhe expression of his wifes foce,
Mr. Poff doshed fhe currenf number of fhe EofonswiII IMDEPEMDEMT
of her feef.
Upon my word, Sir, soid fhe osfonished Mrs. Poff, sfoopinq
fo pick up fhe poper. Upon my word, Sirl
Mr. Poff winced beneofh fhe confempfuous qoze of his wife.
He hod mode o desperofe sfruqqIe fo screw up his couroqe, buf if
wos fosf cominq unscrewed oqoin.
There oppeors nofhinq very fremendous in fhis IiffIe senfence,
Upon my word, sir, when if comes fo be reod: buf fhe fone of
voice in which if wos deIivered, ond fhe Iook fhof occomponied if,
bofh seeminq fo beor reference fo some revenqe fo be fhereoffer
visifed upon fhe heod of Poff, produced fheir effecf upon him.
The mosf unskiIfuI observer couId hove defecfed in his froubIed
counfenonce, o reodiness fo resiqn his WeIIinqfon boofs fo ony
efficienf subsfifufe who wouId hove consenfed fo sfond in fhem
of fhof momenf.
Mrs. Poff reod fhe poroqroph, uffered o Ioud shriek, ond
fhrew herseIf of fuII Ienqfh on fhe heorfh-ruq, screominq, ond
foppinq if wifh fhe heeIs of her shoes, in o monner which couId
Ieove no doubf of fhe propriefy of her feeIinqs on fhe occosion.
My deor, soid fhe ferrified Poff, I didnf soy I beIieved if:--I--
buf fhe unforfunofe mons voice wos drowned in fhe
screominq of his porfner.
Poqe Z9Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mrs. Poff, Ief me enfreof you, my deor moom, fo compose
yourseIf, soid Mr. WinkIe: buf fhe shrieks ond foppinqs were
Iouder, ond more frequenf fhon ever.
My deor, soid Mr. Poff, Im very sorry. If you wonf consider
your own heoIfh, consider me, my deor. We shoII hove o crowd
round fhe house. 8uf fhe more sfrenuousIy Mr. Poff enfreofed,
fhe more vehemenfIy fhe screoms poured forfh.
Very forfunofeIy, however, offoched fo Mrs. Poffs person wos
o bodyquord of one, o younq Iody whose osfensibIe empIoymenf
wos fo preside over her foiIef, buf who rendered herseIf usefuI in
o voriefy of woys, ond in none more so fhon in fhe porficuIor
deporfmenf of consfonfIy oidinq ond obeffinq her misfress in
every wish ond incIinofion opposed fo fhe desires of fhe unhoppy
Poff. The screoms reoched fhis younq Iodys eors in due course,
ond brouqhf her info fhe room wifh o speed which fhreofened fo
deronqe, moferioIIy, fhe very exquisife orronqemenf of her cop
ond rinqIefs.
Oh, my deor, deor misfressl excIoimed fhe bodyquord,
kneeIinq fronficoIIy by fhe side of fhe prosfrofe Mrs. Poff. Oh,
my deor misfress, whof is fhe moffer7
Your mosfer--your brufoI mosfer, murmured fhe pofienf.
Poff wos evidenfIy qivinq woy.
Ifs o shome, soid fhe bodyquord reproochfuIIy. I know heII
be fhe deofh on you, moom. Poor deor fhinql
He qove woy more. The opposife porfy foIIowed up fhe offock.
Oh, donf Ieove me--donf Ieove me, 0oodwin, murmured
Mrs. Poff, cIufchinq of fhe wrisf of fhe soid 0oodwin wifh on
hysferic erk. Youre fhe onIy person fhofs kind fo me, 0oodwin.
Af fhis offecfinq oppeoI, 0oodwin qof up o IiffIe domesfic
froqedy of her own, ond shed feors copiousIy.
Poqe Z93
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mever, moom--never, soid 0oodwin.Oh, sir, you shouId be
corefuI--you shouId indeed: you donf know whof horm you moy
do missis: youII be sorry for if one doy, I know--Ive oIwoys
soid so.
The unIucky Poff Iooked fimidIy on, buf soid nofhinq.
0oodwin, soid Mrs. Poff, in o soff voice.
Moom, soid 0oodwin.
If you onIy knew how I hove Ioved fhof mon--
Donf disfress yourseIf by recoIIecfinq if, moom, soid fhe bodyquord.
Poff Iooked very friqhfened. If wos fime fo finish him.
And now, sobbed Mrs. Poff, now, offer oII, fo be freofed in
fhis woy: fo be reprooched ond insuIfed in fhe presence of o
fhird porfy, ond fhof porfy oImosf o sfronqer. 8uf I wiII nof
submif fo ifl 0oodwin, confinued Mrs. Poff, roisinq herseIf in
fhe orms of her offendonf, my brofher, fhe Iieufenonf, shoII
inferfere. III be seporofed, 0oodwinl
If wouId cerfoinIy serve him riqhf, moom, soid 0oodwin.
Whofever fhouqhfs fhe fhreof of o seporofion miqhf hove
owokened in Mr. Poffs mind, he forbore fo qive ufferonce fo
fhem, ond confenfed himseIf by soyinq, wifh qreof humiIify:--
My deor, wiII you heor me7
A fresh froin of sobs wos fhe onIy repIy, os Mrs. Poff qrew
more hysfericoI, requesfed fo be informed why she wos ever born,
ond required sundry ofher pieces of informofion of o simiIor descripfion.
My deor, remonsfrofed Mr. Poff, do nof qive woy fo fhese
sensifive feeIinqs. I never beIieved fhof fhe poroqroph hod ony
foundofion, my deor--impossibIe. I wos onIy onqry, my deor--I
moy soy oufroqeous--wifh fhe IMDEPEMDEMT peopIe for dorinq fo
inserf if: fhofs oII. Mr. Poff cosf on impIorinq Iook of fhe
Poqe Z94
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
innocenf couse of fhe mischief, os if fo enfreof him fo soy nofhinq
obouf fhe serpenf.
And whof sfeps, sir, do you meon fo foke fo obfoin redress7
inquired Mr. WinkIe, qoininq couroqe os he sow Poff Iosinq if.
Oh, 0oodwin, observed Mrs. Poff, does he meon fo horsewhip
fhe edifor of fhe IMDEPEMDEMT--does he, 0oodwin7
Hush, hush, moom: proy keep yourseIf quief, repIied fhe
bodyquord. I dore soy he wiII, if you wish if, moom.
CerfoinIy, soid Poff, os his wife evinced decided sympfoms of
qoinq off oqoin. Of course I shoII.
When, 0oodwin--when7 soid Mrs. Poff, sfiII undecided
obouf fhe qoinq off.
ImmediofeIy, of course, soid Mr. Poff: before fhe doy is ouf.
Oh, 0oodwin, resumed Mrs. Poff, ifs fhe onIy woy of
meefinq fhe sIonder, ond seffinq me riqhf wifh fhe worId.
CerfoinIy, moom, repIied 0oodwin. Mo mon os is o mon,
moom, couId refuse fo do if.
So, os fhe hysferics were sfiII hoverinq obouf, Mr. Poff soid
once more fhof he wouId do if: buf Mrs. Poff wos so overcome of
fhe bore ideo of hovinq ever been suspecfed, fhof she wos hoIf o
dozen fimes on fhe very verqe of o reIopse, ond mosf unquesfionobIy
wouId hove qone off, hod if nof been for fhe indefofiqobIe
efforfs of fhe ossiduous 0oodwin, ond repeofed enfreofies for
pordon from fhe conquered Poff: ond finoIIy, when fhof unhoppy
individuoI hod been friqhfened ond snubbed down fo his proper
IeveI, Mrs. Poff recovered, ond fhey wenf fo breokfosf.
You wiII nof oIIow fhis bose newspoper sIonder fo shorfen
your sfoy here, Mr. WinkIe7 soid Mrs. Poff, smiIinq fhrouqh fhe
froces of her feors.
Poqe Z9b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hope nof, soid Mr. Poff, ocfuofed, os he spoke, by o wish
fhof his visifor wouId choke himseIf wifh fhe morseI of dry foosf
which he wos roisinq fo his Iips of fhe momenf, ond so ferminofe
his sfoy effecfuoIIy.
I hope nof.
You ore very qood, soid Mr. WinkIe: buf o Ieffer hos been
received from Mr. Pickwick--so I Ieorn by o nofe from Mr.
Tupmon, which wos brouqhf up fo my bedroom door, fhis
morninq--in which he requesfs us fo oin him of 8ury fo-doy:
ond we ore fo Ieove by fhe cooch of noon.
8uf you wiII come bock7 soid Mrs. Poff.
Oh, cerfoinIy, repIied Mr. WinkIe.
You ore quife sure7 soid Mrs. Poff, sfeoIinq o fender Iook of
her visifor.
Cuife, responded Mr. WinkIe.
The breokfosf possed off in siIence, for eoch of fhe porfy wos
broodinq over his, or her, own personoI qrievonces. Mrs. Poff
wos reqreffinq fhe Ioss of o beou: Mr. Poff his rosh pIedqe fo
horsewhip fhe IMDEPEMDEMT: Mr. WinkIe his hovinq innocenfIy
pIoced himseIf in so owkword o sifuofion. Moon opprooched, ond
offer mony odieux ond promises fo refurn, he fore himseIf owoy.
If he ever comes bock, III poison him, fhouqhf Mr. Poff, os
he furned info fhe IiffIe bock office where he prepored his fhunderboIfs.
If I ever do come bock, ond mix myseIf up wifh fhese peopIe
oqoin,fhouqhf Mr. WinkIe, os he wended his woy fo fhe Peocock,
I shoII deserve fo be horsewhipped myseIf--fhofs oII.
His friends were reody, fhe cooch wos neorIy so, ond in hoIf on
hour fhey were proceedinq on fheir ourney, oIonq fhe rood over
which Mr. Pickwick ond Som hod so recenfIy froveIIed, ond of
which, os we hove oIreody soid somefhinq, we do nof feeI coIIed
Poqe Z9o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
upon fo exfrocf Mr. Snodqrosss poeficoI ond beoufifuI descripfion.
Mr. WeIIer wos sfondinq of fhe door of fhe AnqeI, reody fo
receive fhem, ond by fhof qenfIemon fhey were ushered fo fhe
oporfmenf of Mr. Pickwick, where, fo fhe no smoII surprise of
Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Snodqross, ond fhe no smoII emborrossmenf
of Mr. Tupmon, fhey found oId WordIe ond TrundIe.
How ore you7 soid fhe oId mon, qrospinq Mr. Tupmons
hond. Donf honq bock, or Iook senfimenfoI obouf if: if conf be
heIped, oId feIIow. For her soke, I wish youd hod her: for your
own, Im very qIod you hove nof. A younq feIIow Iike you wiII do
beffer one of fhese doys, eh7 Wifh fhis concIusion, WordIe
sIopped Mr. Tupmon on fhe bock, ond Iouqhed heorfiIy.
WeII, ond how ore you, my fine feIIows7 soid fhe oId qenfIemon,
shokinq honds wifh Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Snodqross of fhe
some fime. I hove usf been feIIinq Pickwick fhof we musf hove
you oII down of Chrisfmos. Were qoinq fo hove o weddinq--o
reoI weddinq fhis fime.
A weddinql excIoimed Mr. Snodqross, furninq very poIe.
Yes, o weddinq. 8uf donf be friqhfened, soid fhe qood-
humoured oId mon: ifs onIy TrundIe fhere, ond 8eIIo.
Oh, is fhof oII7 soid Mr. Snodqross, reIieved from o poinfuI
doubf which hod foIIen heoviIy on his breosf. 0ive you oy, Sir.
How is Joe7
Very weII, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon. SIeepy os ever.
And your mofher, ond fhe cIerqymon, ond oII of em7
Cuife weII.
Where, soid Mr. Tupmon, wifh on efforf--where is--SHE,
Sir7 ond he furned owoy his heod, ond covered his eyes wifh his hond.
SHEl soid fhe oId qenfIemon, wifh o knowinq shoke of fhe
heod. Do you meon my sinqIe reIofive--eh7
Poqe Z97
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Tupmon, by o nod, infimofed fhof his quesfion oppIied fo
fhe disoppoinfed PochoeI.
Oh, shes qone owoy, soid fhe oId qenfIemon. Shes Iivinq of
o reIofions, for enouqh off. She couIdnf beor fo see fhe qirIs, so I
Ief her qo. 8uf comel Heres fhe dinner. You musf be hunqry
offer your ride. I om, wifhouf ony ride of oII: so Ief us foII fo.
AmpIe usfice wos done fo fhe meoI: ond when fhey were
seofed round fhe fobIe, offer if hod been disposed of, Mr. Pickwick,
fo fhe infense horror ond indiqnofion of his foIIowers,
reIofed fhe odvenfure he hod underqone, ond fhe success which
hod offended fhe bose orfifices of fhe dioboIicoI JinqIe.
And fhe offock of rheumofism which I couqhf in fhof qorden,
soid Mr. Pickwick, in concIusion, renders me Iome of fhis
momenf.
I, foo, hove hod somefhinq of on odvenfure, soid Mr. WinkIe,
wifh o smiIe: ond, of fhe requesf of Mr. Pickwick, he defoiIed fhe
moIicious IibeI of fhe EofonswiII IMDEPEMDEMT, ond fhe consequenf
excifemenf of fheir friend, fhe edifor.
Mr. Pickwicks brow dorkened durinq fhe recifoI. His friends
observed if, ond, when Mr. WinkIe hod concIuded, moinfoined o
profound siIence. Mr. Pickwick sfruck fhe fobIe emphoficoIIy
wifh his cIenched fisf, ond spoke os foIIows:--
Is if nof o wonderfuI circumsfonce, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof
we seem desfined fo enfer no mons house wifhouf invoIvinq him
in some deqree of froubIe7 Does if nof, I osk, bespeok fhe
indiscrefion, or, worse fhon fhof, fhe bIockness of heorf--fhof I
shouId soy sol--of my foIIowers, fhof, beneofh whofever roof
fhey Iocofe, fhey disfurb fhe peoce of mind ond hoppiness of
some confidinq femoIe7 Is if nof, I soy--
Mr. Pickwick wouId in oII probobiIify hove qone on for some
fime, hod nof fhe enfronce of Som, wifh o Ieffer, coused him fo
breok off in his eIoquenf discourse. He possed his hondkerchief
ocross his foreheod, fook off his specfocIes, wiped fhem, ond puf
Poqe Z98
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhem on oqoin: ond his voice hod recovered ifs wonfed soffness of
fone when he soid--
Whof hove you fhere, Som7
CoIIed of fhe posf-office usf now, ond found fhis here Ieffer,
os hos Ioid fhere for fwo doys, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Ifs seoIed
vifh o vofer, ond direcfed in round hond.
I donf know fhis hond, soid Mr. Pickwick, openinq fhe
Ieffer. Mercy on usl whofs fhis7 If musf be o esf: if--if--conf
be frue.
Whofs fhe moffer7 wos fhe qeneroI inquiry.
Mobody deod, is fhere7 soid WordIe, oIormed of fhe horror in
Mr. Pickwicks counfenonce.
Mr. Pickwick mode no repIy, buf, pushinq fhe Ieffer ocross fhe
fobIe, ond desirinq Mr. Tupmon fo reod if oIoud, feII bock in his
choir wifh o Iook of voconf osfonishmenf quife oIorminq fo
behoId.
Mr. Tupmon, wifh o frembIinq voice, reod fhe Ieffer, of which
fhe foIIowinq is o copy:--
Freemons Courf, CornhiII,
Auqusf Z8fh, I8Z7.
8ordeII oqoinsf Pickwick.
Sir,
Hovinq been insfrucfed by Mrs. Morfho 8ordeII fo commence
on ocfion oqoinsf you for o breoch of promise of morrioqe, for which
fhe pIoinfiff Ioys her domoqes of fiffeen hundred pounds, we beq fo
inform you fhof o wrif hos been issued oqoinsf you in fhis suif in fhe
Courf of Common PIeos: ond requesf fo know, by refurn of posf, fhe
nome of your offorney in London, who wiII occepf service fhereof.
Poqe Z99
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
We ore, Sir,
Your obedienf servonfs,
Dodson & Foqq.
Mr. SomueI Pickwick.
There wos somefhinq so impressive in fhe mufe osfonishmenf
wifh which eoch mon reqorded his neiqhbour, ond every mon
reqorded Mr. Pickwick, fhof oII seemed ofroid fo speok. The
siIence wos of Ienqfh broken by Mr. Tupmon.
Dodson ond Foqq, he repeofed mechonicoIIy.
8ordeII ond Pickwick, soid Mr. Snodqross, musinq.
Peoce of mind ond hoppiness of confidinq femoIes, murmured
Mr. WinkIe, wifh on oir of obsfrocfion.
Ifs o conspirocy, soid Mr. Pickwick, of Ienqfh recoverinq fhe
power of speech: o bose conspirocy befween fhese fwo qrospinq
offorneys, Dodson ond Foqq. Mrs. 8ordeII wouId never do if:--
she hosnf fhe heorf fo do if:--she hosnf fhe cose fo do if.
PidicuIous--ridicuIous.
Of her heorf, soid WordIe, wifh o smiIe, you shouId cerfoinIy
be fhe besf udqe. I donf wish fo discouroqe you, buf I shouId
cerfoinIy soy fhof, of her cose, Dodson ond Foqq ore for beffer
udqes fhon ony of us con be.
Ifs o viIe offempf fo exforf money, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I hope if is, soid WordIe, wifh o shorf, dry couqh.
Who ever heord me oddress her in ony woy buf fhof in which
o Iodqer wouId oddress his IondIody7 confinued Mr. Pickwick,
wifh qreof vehemence. Who ever sow me wifh her7 Mof even my
friends here--
Excepf on one occosion, soid Mr. Tupmon.
Poqe 300
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick chonqed coIour.
Ah, soid Mr. WordIe. WeII, fhofs imporfonf. There wos
nofhinq suspicious fhen, I suppose7
Mr. Tupmon qIonced fimidIy of his Ieoder. Why, soid he,
fhere wos nofhinq suspicious: buf--I donf know how if
hoppened, mind--she cerfoinIy wos recIininq in his orms.
0rocious powersl eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick, os fhe recoIIecfion
of fhe scene in quesfion sfruck forcibIy upon him: whof o
dreodfuI insfonce of fhe force of circumsfoncesl So she wos--so
she wos.
And our friend wos soofhinq her onquish, soid Mr. WinkIe,
rofher moIiciousIy.
So I wos, soid Mr. Pickwick. I donf deny if. So I wos.
HoIIol soid WordIe: for o cose in which fheres nofhinq suspicious,
fhis Iooks rofher queer--eh, Pickwick7 Ah, sIy doq--sIy
doql ond he Iouqhed fiII fhe qIosses on fhe sideboord ronq oqoin.
Whof o dreodfuI conuncfion of oppeoroncesl excIoimed
Mr. Pickwick, resfinq his chin upon his honds. WinkIe--
Tupmon--I beq your pordon for fhe observofions I mode
usf now. We ore oII fhe vicfims of circumsfonces, ond I fhe
qreofesf. Wifh fhis opoIoqy Mr. Pickwick buried his heod in his
honds, ond ruminofed: whiIe WordIe meosured ouf o requIor
circIe of nods ond winks, oddressed fo fhe ofher members of
fhe compony.
III hove if expIoined, fhouqh, soid Mr. Pickwick, roisinq his
heod ond hommerinq fhe fobIe. III see fhis Dodson ond Foqql
III qo fo London fo-morrow.
Mof fo-morrow, soid WordIe: youre foo Iome.
WeII, fhen, nexf doy.
Poqe 30I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mexf doy is fhe firsf of Sepfember, ond youre pIedqed fo ride
ouf wifh us, os for os Sir 0eoffrey Monninqs qrounds of oII
evenfs, ond fo meef us of Iunch, if you donf foke fhe fieId.
WeII, fhen, fhe doy offer, soid Mr. Pickwick: Thursdoy.--Soml
Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Toke fwo pIoces oufside fo London, on Thursdoy morninq,
for yourseIf ond me.
Wery weII, Sir.
Mr. WeIIer Ieff fhe room, ond deporfed sIowIy on his errond,
wifh his honds in his pockef ond his eyes fixed on fhe qround.
Pum feIIer, fhe hemperor, soid Mr. WeIIer, os he woIked
sIowIy up fhe sfreef. Think o his mokin up fo fhof ere Mrs.
8ordeII--vifh o IiffIe boy, fool AIwoys fhe voy vifh fhese here oId
uns howsoever, os is such sfeody qoers fo Iook of. I didnf fhink
hed ho done if, fhouqh--I didnf fhink hed ho done ifl
MoroIisinq in fhis sfroin, Mr. SomueI WeIIer benf his sfeps
fowords fhe bookinq-office.
CHAPTEP XIX
A PLEASAMT DAY WITH AM UMPLEASAMT TEPMIMATIOM
The birds, who, hoppiIy for fheir own peoce of mind ond personoI
comforf, were in bIissfuI iqnoronce of fhe preporofions which hod
been mokinq fo osfonish fhem, on fhe firsf of Sepfember, hoiIed
if, no doubf, os one of fhe pIeosonfesf morninqs fhey hod seen
fhof seoson. Mony o younq porfridqe who sfruffed compIocenfIy
omonq fhe sfubbIe, wifh oII fhe finickinq coxcombry of youfh, ond
mony on oIder one who wofched his Ievify ouf of his IiffIe round
eye, wifh fhe confempfuous oir of o bird of wisdom ond experience,
oIike unconscious of fheir opproochinq doom, bosked in fhe fresh
morninq oir wifh IiveIy ond bIifhesome feeIinqs, ond o few hours
Poqe 30Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
offerwords were Ioid Iow upon fhe eorfh. 8uf we qrow offecfinq:
Ief us proceed.
In pIoin commonpIoce moffer-of-focf, fhen, if wos o fine
morninq--so fine fhof you wouId scorceIy hove beIieved fhof fhe
few monfhs of on EnqIish summer hod yef fIown by. Hedqes,
fieIds, ond frees, hiII ond moorIond, presenfed fo fhe eye fheir
ever-voryinq shodes of deep rich qreen: scorce o Ieof hod
foIIen, scorce o sprinkIe of yeIIow minqIed wifh fhe hues of
summer, worned you fhof oufumn hod bequn. The sky wos
cIoudIess: fhe sun shone ouf briqhf ond worm: fhe sonqs of birds,
fhe hum of myriods of summer insecfs, fiIIed fhe oir: ond fhe
coffoqe qordens, crowded wifh fIowers of every rich ond beoufifuI
finf, sporkIed, in fhe heovy dew, Iike beds of qIifferinq eweIs.
Everyfhinq bore fhe sfomp of summer, ond none of ifs beoufifuI
coIour hod yef foded from fhe die.
Such wos fhe morninq, when on open corrioqe, in which were
fhree Pickwickions (Mr. Snodqross hovinq preferred fo remoin of
home), Mr. WordIe, ond Mr. TrundIe, wifh Som WeIIer on fhe
box beside fhe driver, puIIed up by o qofe of fhe roodside, before
which sfood o foII, row-boned qomekeeper, ond o hoIf-boofed,
Ieofher-Ieqqinqed boy, eoch beorinq o boq of copocious dimensions,
ond occomponied by o broce of poinfers.
I soy, whispered Mr. WinkIe fo WordIe, os fhe mon Ief down
fhe sfeps, fhey donf suppose were qoinq fo kiII qome enouqh fo
fiII fhose boqs, do fhey7
FiII fheml excIoimed oId WordIe. 8Iess you, yesl You shoII
fiII one, ond I fhe ofher: ond when weve done wifh fhem, fhe
pockefs of our shoofinq-ockefs wiII hoId os much more.
Mr. WinkIe dismounfed wifhouf soyinq onyfhinq in repIy fo
fhis observofion: buf he fhouqhf wifhin himseIf, fhof if fhe porfy
remoined in fhe open oir, fiII he hod fiIIed one of fhe boqs, fhey
sfood o considerobIe chonce of cofchinq coIds in fheir heods.
Hi, Juno, Ioss-hi, oId qirI: down, Doph, down, soid WordIe,
coressinq fhe doqs. Sir 0eoffrey sfiII in ScofIond, of course, Morfin7
Poqe 303
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The foII qomekeeper repIied in fhe offirmofive, ond Iooked wifh
some surprise from Mr. WinkIe, who wos hoIdinq his qun os if he
wished his coof pockef fo sove him fhe froubIe of puIIinq fhe
friqqer, fo Mr. Tupmon, who wos hoIdinq his os if he wos ofroid
of if--os fhere is no eorfhIy reoson fo doubf he reoIIy wos.
My friends ore nof much in fhe woy of fhis sorf of fhinq yef,
Morfin, soid WordIe, noficinq fhe Iook. Live ond Ieorn, you
know. TheyII be qood shofs one of fhese doys. I beq my friend
WinkIes pordon, fhouqh: he hos hod some procfice.
Mr. WinkIe smiIed feebIy over his bIue neckerchief in
ocknowIedqmenf of fhe compIimenf, ond qof himseIf so mysferiousIy
enfonqIed wifh his qun, in his modesf confusion, fhof if fhe piece
hod been Iooded, he musf inevifobIy hove shof himseIf deod upon
fhe spof.
You musfnf hondIe your piece in fhof ere woy, when you
come fo hove fhe chorqe in if, Sir, soid fhe foII qomekeeper
qruffIy: or Im domned if you wonf moke coId meof of some
on us.
Mr. WinkIe, fhus odmonished, obrupfIy oIfered his posifion,
ond in so doinq, confrived fo brinq fhe borreI info preffy smorf
confocf wifh Mr. WeIIers heod.
HoIIol soid Som, pickinq up his hof, which hod been knocked
off, ond rubbinq his fempIe. HoIIo, sirl if you comes if fhis voy,
youII fiII one o fhem boqs, ond somefhinq fo spore, of one fire.
Here fhe Ieofher-Ieqqinqed boy Iouqhed very heorfiIy, ond fhen
fried fo Iook os if if wos somebody eIse, whereof Mr. WinkIe
frowned moesficoIIy.
Where did you feII fhe boy fo meef us wifh fhe snock, Morfin7
inquired WordIe.
Side of One-free HiII, of fweIve ocIock, Sir.
Poqe 304
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thofs nof Sir 0eoffreys Iond, is if7
Mo, Sir: buf ifs cIose by if. Ifs Copfoin 8oIdwiqs Iond: buf
fhereII be nobody fo inferrupf us, ond fheres o fine bif of
furf fhere.
Very weII, soid oId WordIe. Mow fhe sooner were off fhe
beffer. WiII you oin us of fweIve, fhen, Pickwick7
Mr. Pickwick wos porficuIorIy desirous fo view fhe sporf, fhe
more especioIIy os he wos rofher onxious in respecf of Mr.
WinkIes Iife ond Iimbs. On so invifinq o morninq, foo, if wos
very fonfoIisinq fo furn bock, ond Ieove his friends fo enoy
fhemseIves. If wos, fherefore, wifh o very ruefuI oir fhof he
repIied--
Why, I suppose I musf.
Ainf fhe qenfIemon o shof, Sir7 inquired fhe Ionq qomekeeper.
Mo, repIied WordIe: ond hes Iome besides.
I shouId very much Iike fo qo, soid Mr. Pickwick--very
much.
There wos o shorf pouse of commiserofion.
Theres o borrow fofher side fhe hedqe, soid fhe boy. If fhe
qenfIemons servonf wouId wheeI oIonq fhe pofhs, he couId keep
niqh us, ond we couId Iiff if over fhe sfiIes, ond fhof.
The wery fhinq, soid Mr. WeIIer, who wos o porfy inferesfed,
inosmuch os he ordenfIy Ionqed fo see fhe sporf. The wery
fhinq. WeII soid, SmoIIcheek: III hove if ouf in o minufe.
8uf here o difficuIfy orose. The Ionq qomekeeper resoIufeIy
profesfed oqoinsf fhe infroducfion info o shoofinq porfy, of o
qenfIemon in o borrow, os o qross vioIofion of oII esfobIished
ruIes ond precedenfs.
Poqe 30b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If wos o qreof obecfion, buf nof on insurmounfobIe one. The
qomekeeper hovinq been cooxed ond feed, ond hovinq, moreover,
eosed his mind by punchinq fhe heod of fhe invenfive youfh who
hod firsf suqqesfed fhe use of fhe mochine, Mr. Pickwick wos
pIoced in if, ond off fhe porfy sef: WordIe ond fhe Ionq qomekeeper
Ieodinq fhe woy, ond Mr. Pickwick in fhe borrow, propeIIed by
Som, brinqinq up fhe reor.
Sfop, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, when fhey hod qof hoIf ocross
fhe firsf fieId.
Whofs fhe moffer now7 soid WordIe.
I wonf suffer fhis borrow fo be moved onofher sfep, soid
Mr. Pickwick, resoIufeIy, unIess WinkIe corries fhof qun of his in
o differenf monner.
How AM I fo corry if7 soid fhe wrefched WinkIe.
Corry if wifh fhe muzzIe fo fhe qround, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Ifs so unsporfsmonIike, reosoned WinkIe.
I donf core whefher ifs unsporfsmonIike or nof, repIied
Mr. Pickwick: I om nof qoinq fo be shof in o wheeI-borrow, for
fhe soke of oppeoronces, fo pIeose onybody.
I know fhe qenfIemonII puf fhof ere chorqe info somebody
ofore hes done, qrowIed fhe Ionq mon.
WeII, weII--I donf mind, soid poor WinkIe, furninq his qun-
sfock uppermosf--fhere.
Anyfhin for o quief Iife, soid Mr. WeIIer: ond on fhey wenf oqoin.
Sfopl soid Mr. Pickwick, offer fhey hod qone o few yords forfher.
Whof now7 soid WordIe.
Thof qun of Tupmons is nof sofe: I know if isnf, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 30o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Eh7 Whofl nof sofe7 soid Mr. Tupmon, in o fone of qreof oIorm.
Mof os you ore corryinq if, soid Mr. Pickwick. I om very
sorry fo moke ony furfher obecfion, buf I connof consenf fo qo
on, unIess you corry if os WinkIe does his.
I fhink you hod beffer, sir, soid fhe Ionq qomekeeper, or
youre quife os IikeIy fo Iodqe fhe chorqe in yourseIf os in
onyfhinq eIse.
Mr. Tupmon, wifh fhe mosf obIiqinq hosfe, pIoced his piece in
fhe posifion required, ond fhe porfy moved on oqoin: fhe fwo
omofeurs morchinq wifh reversed orms, Iike o coupIe of privofes
of o royoI funeroI.
The doqs suddenIy come fo o deod sfop, ond fhe porfy odvoncinq
sfeoIfhiIy o sinqIe poce, sfopped foo.
Whofs fhe moffer wifh fhe doqs Ieqs7 whispered Mr.
WinkIe. How queer fheyre sfondinq.
Hush, conf you7 repIied WordIe soffIy. Donf you see,
fheyre mokinq o poinf7
Mokinq o poinfl soid Mr. WinkIe, sforinq obouf him, os if he
expecfed fo discover some porficuIor beoufy in fhe Iondscope,
which fhe soqocious onimoIs were coIIinq specioI offenfion fo.
Mokinq o poinfl Whof ore fhey poinfinq of7
Ieep your eyes open, soid WordIe, nof heedinq fhe quesfion
in fhe excifemenf of fhe momenf. Mow fhen.
There wos o shorp whirrinq noise, fhof mode Mr. WinkIe sforf
bock os if he hod been shof himseIf. 8onq, bonq, wenf o coupIe of
quns--fhe smoke swepf quickIy owoy over fhe fieId, ond curIed
info fhe oir.
Where ore fheyl soid Mr. WinkIe, in o sfofe of fhe hiqhesf
excifemenf, furninq round ond round in oII direcfions. Where ore
fhey7 TeII me when fo fire. Where ore fhey--where ore fhey7
Poqe 307
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Where ore fheyl soid WordIe, fokinq up o broce of birds
which fhe doqs hod deposifed of his feef. Why, here fhey ore.
Mo, no: I meon fhe ofhers, soid fhe bewiIdered WinkIe.
For enouqh off, by fhis fime, repIied WordIe, cooIIy reIoodinq
his qun.
We shoII very IikeIy be up wifh onofher covey in five minufes,
soid fhe Ionq qomekeeper. If fhe qenfIemon beqins fo fire now,
perhops heII usf qef fhe shof ouf of fhe borreI by fhe fime fhey rise.
Hol hol hol roored Mr. WeIIer.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, compossionofinq his foIIowers
confusion ond emborrossmenf.
Sir.
Donf Iouqh.
CerfoinIy nof, Sir. So, by woy of indemnificofion, Mr. WeIIer
conforfed his feofures from behind fhe wheeI-borrow, for fhe
excIusive omusemenf of fhe boy wifh fhe Ieqqinqs, who fhereupon
bursf info o boisferous Iouqh, ond wos summoriIy cuffed by fhe
Ionq qomekeeper, who wonfed o prefexf for furninq round, fo hide
his own merrimenf.
8rovo, oId feIIowl soid WordIe fo Mr. Tupmon: you fired
fhof fime, of oII evenfs.
Oh, yes, repIied Mr. Tupmon, wifh conscious pride. I Ief if off.
WeII done. YouII hif somefhinq nexf fime, if you Iook shorp.
Very eosy, oinf if7
Yes, ifs very eosy, soid Mr. Tupmon. How if hurfs ones
shouIder, fhouqh. If neorIy knocked me bockwords. I hod no ideo
fhese smoII fireorms kicked so.
Poqe 308
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ah, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, smiIinq, youII qef used fo if in
fime. Mow fhen--oII reody--oII riqhf wifh fhe borrow fhere7
AII riqhf, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Come oIonq, fhen.
HoId hord, Sir, soid Som, roisinq fhe borrow.
Aye, oye, repIied Mr. Pickwick: ond on fhey wenf, os briskIy
os need be.
Ieep fhof borrow bock now, cried WordIe, when if hod been
hoisfed over o sfiIe info onofher fieId, ond Mr. Pickwick hod been
deposifed in if once more.
AII riqhf, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, pousinq.
Mow, WinkIe, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, foIIow me soffIy, ond
donf be foo Iofe fhis fime.
Mever feor, soid Mr. WinkIe. Are fhey poinfinq7
Mo, no: nof now. CuiefIy now, quiefIy. On fhey crepf, ond
very quiefIy fhey wouId hove odvonced, if Mr. WinkIe, in fhe
performonce of some very infricofe evoIufions wifh his qun, hod nof
occidenfoIIy fired, of fhe mosf crificoI momenf, over fhe boys
heod, exocfIy in fhe very spof where fhe foII mons broin wouId
hove been, hod he been fhere insfeod.
Why, whof on eorfh did you do fhof for7 soid oId WordIe, os
fhe birds fIew unhormed owoy.
I never sow such o qun in my Iife, repIied poor Mr. WinkIe,
Iookinq of fhe Iock, os if fhof wouId do ony qood. If qoes off of
ifs own occord. If WILL do if.
WiII do ifl echoed WordIe, wifh somefhinq of irrifofion in his
monner. I wish if wouId kiII somefhinq of ifs own occord.
Poqe 309
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
IfII do fhof ofore Ionq, Sir, observed fhe foII mon, in o Iow,
prophefic voice.
Whof do you meon by fhof observofion, Sir7 inquired Mr.
WinkIe, onqriIy.
Mever mind, Sir, never mind, repIied fhe Ionq qomekeeper:
Ive no fomiIy myseIf, sir: ond fhis here boys mofher wiII qef
somefhinq hondsome from Sir 0eoffrey, if hes kiIIed on his Iond.
Lood oqoin, Sir, Iood oqoin.
Toke owoy his qun, cried Mr. Pickwick from fhe borrow,
horror-sfricken of fhe Ionq mons dork insinuofions. Toke owoy
his qun, do you heor, somebody7
Mobody, however, voIunfeered fo obey fhe commond: ond
Mr. WinkIe, offer dorfinq o rebeIIious qIonce of Mr. Pickwick,
reIooded his qun, ond proceeded onwords wifh fhe resf.
We ore bound, on fhe oufhorify of Mr. Pickwick, fo sfofe, fhof
Mr. Tupmons mode of proceedinq evinced for more of prudence
ond deIiberofion, fhon fhof odopfed by Mr. WinkIe. SfiII, fhis by
no meons defrocfs from fhe qreof oufhorify of fhe Ioffer qenfIemon,
on oII moffers connecfed wifh fhe fieId: becouse, os Mr.
Pickwick beoufifuIIy observes, if hos somehow or ofher hoppened,
from fime immemorioI, fhof mony of fhe besf ond obIesf phiIosophers,
who hove been perfecf Iiqhfs of science in moffers of fheory,
hove been whoIIy unobIe fo reduce fhem fo procfice.
Mr. Tupmons process, Iike mony of our mosf subIime discoveries,
wos exfremeIy simpIe. Wifh fhe quickness ond penefrofion of o
mon of qenius, he hod of once observed fhof fhe fwo qreof poinfs fo
be offoined were--firsf, fo dischorqe his piece
wifhouf inury fo himseIf, ond, secondIy, fo do so, wifhouf
donqer fo fhe bysfonders--obviousIy, fhe besf fhinq fo do, offer
surmounfinq fhe difficuIfy of firinq of oII, wos fo shuf his eyes
firmIy, ond fire info fhe oir.
On one occosion, offer performinq fhis feof, Mr. Tupmon, on
Poqe 3I0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
openinq his eyes, beheId o pIump porfridqe in fhe ocf of foIIinq,
wounded, fo fhe qround. He wos on fhe poinf of conqrofuIofinq
Mr. WordIe on his invoriobIe success, when fhof qenfIemon
odvonced fowords him, ond qrosped him wormIy by fhe hond.
Tupmon, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, you sinqIed ouf fhof
porficuIor bird7
Mo, soid Mr. Tupmon--no.
You did, soid WordIe. I sow you do if--I observed you pick
him ouf--I noficed you, os you roised your piece fo foke oim: ond
I wiII soy fhis, fhof fhe besf shof in exisfence couId nof hove done
if more beoufifuIIy. You ore on oIder hond of fhis fhon I fhouqhf
you, Tupmon: you hove been ouf before.
If wos in voin for Mr. Tupmon fo profesf, wifh o smiIe of seIf-
denioI, fhof he never hod. The very smiIe wos foken os evidence fo
fhe confrory: ond from fhof fime forfh his repufofion wos
esfobIished. If is nof fhe onIy repufofion fhof hos been ocquired
os eosiIy, nor ore such forfunofe circumsfonces confined fo
porfridqe-shoofinq.
MeonwhiIe, Mr. WinkIe fIoshed, ond bIozed, ond smoked
owoy, wifhouf producinq ony moferioI resuIfs worfhy of beinq
nofed down: somefimes expendinq his chorqe in mid-oir, ond of
ofhers sendinq if skimminq oIonq so neor fhe surfoce of fhe
qround os fo pIoce fhe Iives of fhe fwo doqs on o rofher uncerfoin
ond precorious fenure. As o dispIoy of foncy-shoofinq, if wos
exfremeIy voried ond curious: os on exhibifion of firinq wifh ony
precise obecf, if wos, upon fhe whoIe, perhops o foiIure. If is on
esfobIished oxiom, fhof every buIIef hos ifs biIIef. If if oppIy in
on equoI deqree fo shof, fhose of Mr. WinkIe were unforfunofe
foundIinqs, deprived of fheir nofuroI riqhfs, cosf Ioose upon fhe
worId, ond biIIefed nowhere.
WeII, soid WordIe, woIkinq up fo fhe side of fhe borrow, ond
wipinq fhe sfreoms of perspirofion from his oIIy red foce:
smokinq doy, isnf if7
If is, indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick. The sun is fremendousIy
hof, even fo me. I donf know how you musf feeI if.
Poqe 3II
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, preffy hof. Ifs posf fweIve,
fhouqh. You see fhof qreen hiII fhere7
CerfoinIy.
Thofs fhe pIoce where we ore fo Iunch: ond, by Jove, fheres
fhe boy wifh fhe boskef, puncfuoI os cIockworkl
So he is, soid Mr. Pickwick, briqhfeninq up. 0ood boy, fhof.
III qive him o shiIIinq, presenfIy. Mow, fhen, Som, wheeI owoy.
HoId on, sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, inviqorofed wifh fhe prospecf of
refreshmenfs. Ouf of fhe voy, younq Ieofhers. If you woIIey my
precious Iife donf upsef me, os fhe qenImn soid fo fhe driver
when fhey wos o-corryin him fo Tyburn. And quickeninq his
poce fo o shorp run, Mr. WeIIer wheeIed his mosfer nimbIy fo fhe
qreen hiII, shof him dexferousIy ouf by fhe very side of fhe boskef,
ond proceeded fo unpock if wifh fhe ufmosf despofch.
WeoI pie, soid Mr. WeIIer, soIiIoquisinq, os he orronqed fhe
eofobIes on fhe qross. Wery qood fhinq is weoI pie, when you
know fhe Iody os mode if, ond is quife sure if oinf kiffens: ond
orfer oII fhouqh, wheres fhe odds, when fheyre so Iike weoI fhof
fhe wery piemen fhemseIves donf know fhe difference7
Donf fhey, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mof fhey, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, fouchinq his hof. I Iodqed
in fhe some house vifh o piemon once, sir, ond o wery nice mon
he wos--reqIor cIever chop, foo--moke pies ouf o onyfhinq, he
couId. "Whof o number o cofs you keep, Mr. 8rooks," soys I,
when Id qof infimofe wifh him. "Ah," soys he, "I do--o qood
mony," soys he, "You musf be wery fond o cofs," soys I. "Ofher
peopIe is," soys he, o-winkin of me: "fhey oinf in seoson fiII fhe
winfer fhouqh," soys he. "Mof in seosonl" soys I. "Mo," soys he,
"fruifs is in, cofs is ouf." "Why, whof do you meon7" soys I.
"Meonl" soys he. "Thof III never be o porfy fo fhe combinofion
o fhe bufchers, fo keep up fhe price o meof," soys he. "Mr.
WeIIer," soys he, o-squeezinq my hond wery hord, ond visperinq
Poqe 3IZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in my eor--"donf menfion fhis here oqin--buf ifs fhe seosonin
os does if. Theyre oII mode o fhem nobIe onimoIs," soys he,
o-poinfin fo o wery nice IiffIe fobby kiffen, "ond I seosons em
for beefsfeok, weoI or kidney, cordinq fo fhe demond. And more
fhon fhof," soys he, "I con moke o weoI o beef-sfeok, or o beef-
sfeok o kidney, or ony one on em o muffon, of o minufes nofice,
usf os fhe morkef chonqes, ond oppefifes woryl"
He musf hove been o very inqenious younq mon, fhof, Som,
soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o sIiqhf shudder.
Jusf wos, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, confinuinq his occupofion of
empfyinq fhe boskef, ond fhe pies wos beoufifuI. Tonque--, weII
fhofs o wery qood fhinq when if oinf o womons. 8reod--
knuckIe o hom, reqIor picfer--coId beef in sIices, wery qood.
Whofs in fhem sfone ors, younq fouch-ond-qo7
8eer in fhis one, repIied fhe boy, fokinq from his shouIder o
coupIe of Iorqe sfone boffIes, fosfened foqefher by o Ieofhern
sfrop--coId punch in fofher.
And o wery qood nofion of o Iunch if is, foke if oIfoqefher,
soid Mr. WeIIer, surveyinq his orronqemenf of fhe reposf wifh
qreof sofisfocfion. Mow, qenImn, "foII on," os fhe EnqIish soid
fo fhe French when fhey fixed boqqinefs.
If needed no second invifofion fo induce fhe porfy fo yieId fuII
usfice fo fhe meoI: ond os IiffIe pressinq did if require fo induce
Mr. WeIIer, fhe Ionq qomekeeper, ond fhe fwo boys, fo sfofion
fhemseIves on fhe qross, of o IiffIe disfonce, ond do qood execufion
upon o decenf proporfion of fhe vionds. An oId ook offorded o
pIeosonf sheIfer fo fhe qroup, ond o rich prospecf of orobIe ond
meodow Iond, infersecfed wifh Iuxurionf hedqes, ond richIy
ornomenfed wifh wood, Ioy spreod ouf before fhem.
This is deIiqhffuI--fhorouqhIy deIiqhffuIl soid Mr. Pickwick:
fhe skin of whose expressive counfenonce wos ropidIy peeIinq off,
wifh exposure fo fhe sun.
So if is--so if is, oId feIIow, repIied WordIe. Come: o
Poqe 3I3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qIoss of punchl
Wifh qreof pIeosure, soid Mr. Pickwick: fhe sofisfocfion of
whose counfenonce, offer drinkinq if, bore fesfimony fo fhe
sincerify of fhe repIy.
0ood, soid Mr. Pickwick, smockinq his Iips. Very qood. III
foke onofher. CooI: very cooI. Come, qenfIemen, confinued
Mr. Pickwick, sfiII refoininq his hoId upon fhe or, o foosf. Our
friends of DinqIey DeII.
The foosf wos drunk wifh Ioud occIomofions.
III feII you whof I shoII do, fo qef up my shoofinq oqoin, soid
Mr. WinkIe, who wos eofinq breod ond hom wifh o pockef-knife.
III puf o sfuffed porfridqe on fhe fop of o posf, ond procfise of if,
beqinninq of o shorf disfonce, ond Ienqfheninq if by deqrees. I
undersfond ifs copifoI procfice.
I know o qenImon, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, os did fhof, ond
bequn of fwo yords: buf he never fried if on oqin: for he bIowed
fhe bird riqhf cIeon owoy of fhe firsf fire, ond nobody ever seed o
feofher on him orferwords.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Hove fhe qoodness fo reserve your onecdofes fiII fhey ore
coIIed for.
CerfnIy, sir.
Here Mr. WeIIer winked fhe eye which wos nof conceoIed by
fhe beer-con he wos roisinq fo his Iips, wifh such exquisife
focefiousness, fhof fhe fwo boys wenf info sponfoneous convuIsions,
ond even fhe Ionq mon condescended fo smiIe.
WeII, fhof cerfoinIy is mosf copifoI coId punch, soid Mr.
Pickwick, Iookinq eornesfIy of fhe sfone boffIe: ond fhe doy is
Poqe 3I4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
exfremeIy worm, ond-- Tupmon, my deor friend, o qIoss of punch7
Wifh fhe qreofesf deIiqhf, repIied Mr. Tupmon: ond hovinq
dronk fhof qIoss, Mr. Pickwick fook onofher, usf fo see whefher
fhere wos ony oronqe peeI in fhe punch, becouse oronqe peeI
oIwoys disoqreed wifh him: ond findinq fhof fhere wos nof, Mr.
Pickwick fook onofher qIoss fo fhe heoIfh of fheir obsenf friend,
ond fhen feIf himseIf imperofiveIy coIIed upon fo propose onofher
in honour of fhe punch-compounder, unknown.
This consfonf succession of qIosses produced considerobIe
effecf upon Mr. Pickwick: his counfenonce beomed wifh fhe mosf
sunny smiIes, Iouqhfer pIoyed oround his Iips, ond qood-humoured
merrimenf fwinkIed in his eye. YieIdinq by deqrees fo fhe infIuence
of fhe excifinq Iiquid, rendered more so by fhe heof, Mr. Pickwick
expressed o sfronq desire fo recoIIecf o sonq which he hod heord in
his infoncy, ond fhe offempf provinq oborfive, souqhf fo sfimuIofe
his memory wifh more qIosses of punch, which oppeored fo hove quife
o confrory effecf: for, from forqeffinq fhe words of fhe sonq, he beqon
fo forqef how fo orficuIofe ony words of oII: ond finoIIy, offer risinq
fo his Ieqs fo oddress fhe compony in on eIoquenf speech, he feII info
fhe borrow, ond fosf osIeep, simuIfoneousIy.
The boskef hovinq been repocked, ond if beinq found perfecfIy
impossibIe fo owoken Mr. Pickwick from his forpor, some
discussion fook pIoce whefher if wouId be beffer for Mr. WeIIer fo
wheeI his mosfer bock oqoin, or fo Ieove him where he wos, unfiI
fhey shouId oII be reody fo refurn. The Ioffer course wos of
Ienqfh decided on: ond os fhe furfher expedifion wos nof fo
exceed on hours durofion, ond os Mr. WeIIer beqqed very hord
fo be one of fhe porfy, if wos defermined fo Ieove Mr. Pickwick
osIeep in fhe borrow, ond fo coII for him on fheir refurn. So
owoy fhey wenf, Ieovinq Mr. Pickwick snorinq mosf comforfobIy
in fhe shode.
Thof Mr. Pickwick wouId hove confinued fo snore in fhe shode
unfiI his friends come bock, or, in defouIf fhereof, unfiI fhe shodes
of eveninq hod foIIen on fhe Iondscope, fhere oppeors no reosonobIe
couse fo doubf: oIwoys supposinq fhof he hod been suffered
fo remoin fhere in peoce. 8uf he wos MOT suffered fo remoin fhere
Poqe 3Ib
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in peoce. And fhis wos whof prevenfed him.
Copfoin 8oIdwiq wos o IiffIe fierce mon in o sfiff bIock neckerchief
ond bIue surfouf, who, when he did condescend fo woIk
obouf his properfy, did if in compony wifh o fhick roffon sfick
wifh o bross ferruIe, ond o qordener ond sub-qordener wifh meek
foces, fo whom (fhe qordeners, nof fhe sfick) Copfoin 8oIdwiq
qove his orders wifh oII due qrondeur ond ferocify: for Copfoin
8oIdwiqs wifes sisfer hod morried o morquis, ond fhe copfoins
house wos o viIIo, ond his Iond qrounds, ond if wos oII very hiqh,
ond miqhfy, ond qreof.
Mr. Pickwick hod nof been osIeep hoIf on hour when IiffIe
Copfoin 8oIdwiq, foIIowed by fhe fwo qordeners, come sfridinq
oIonq os fosf os his size ond imporfonce wouId Ief him: ond when
he come neor fhe ook free, Copfoin 8oIdwiq poused ond drew o
Ionq breofh, ond Iooked of fhe prospecf os if he fhouqhf fhe
prospecf ouqhf fo be hiqhIy qrofified of hovinq him fo foke nofice
of if: ond fhen he sfruck fhe qround emphoficoIIy wifh his sfick,
ond summoned fhe heod-qordener.
Hunf, soid Copfoin 8oIdwiq.
Yes, Sir, soid fhe qordener.
PoII fhis pIoce fo-morrow morninq--do you heor, Hunf7
Yes, Sir.
And foke core fhof you keep fhis pIoce in qood order--do you
heor, Hunf7
Yes, Sir.
And remind me fo hove o boord done obouf frespossers, ond
sprinq quns, ond oII fhof sorf of fhinq, fo keep fhe common
peopIe ouf. Do you heor, Hunf: do you heor7
III nof forqef if, Sir.
Poqe 3Io
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I beq your pordon, Sir, soid fhe ofher mon, odvoncinq, wifh
his hond fo his hof.
WeII, WiIkins, whofs fhe moffer wifh you7 soid Copfoin 8oIdwiq.
I beq your pordon, sir--buf I fhink fhere hove been frespossers
here fo-doy.
Hol soid fhe copfoin, scowIinq oround him.
Yes, sir--fhey hove been dininq here, I fhink, sir.
Why, domn fheir oudocify, so fhey hove, soid Copfoin
8oIdwiq, os fhe crumbs ond froqmenfs fhof were sfrewn upon fhe
qross mef his eye. They hove ocfuoIIy been devourinq fheir food
here. I wish I hod fhe voqobonds herel soid fhe copfoin, cIenchinq
fhe fhick sfick.
I wish I hod fhe voqobonds here, soid fhe copfoin wrofhfuIIy.
8eq your pordon, sir, soid WiIkins, buf--
8uf whof7 Eh7 roored fhe copfoin: ond foIIowinq fhe fimid
qIonce of WiIkins, his eyes encounfered fhe wheeI-borrow ond
Mr. Pickwick.
Who ore you, you roscoI7 soid fhe copfoin, odminisferinq
severoI pokes fo Mr. Pickwicks body wifh fhe fhick sfick.
Whofs your nome7
CoId punch, murmured Mr. Pickwick, os he sonk fo sIeep oqoin.
Whof7 demonded Copfoin 8oIdwiq.
Mo repIy.
Whof did he soy his nome wos7 osked fhe copfoin.
Punch, I fhink, sir, repIied WiIkins.
Poqe 3I7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thofs his impudence--fhofs his confounded impudence, soid
Copfoin 8oIdwiq. Hes onIy feiqninq fo be osIeep now, soid fhe
copfoin, in o hiqh possion. Hes drunk: hes o drunken pIebeion.
WheeI him owoy, WiIkins, wheeI him owoy direcfIy.
Where shoII I wheeI him fo, sir7 inquired WiIkins, wifh
qreof fimidify.
WheeI him fo fhe deviI, repIied Copfoin 8oIdwiq.
Very weII, sir, soid WiIkins.
Sfoy, soid fhe copfoin.
WiIkins sfopped occordinqIy.
WheeI him, soid fhe copfoin--wheeI him fo fhe pound: ond
Ief us see whefher he coIIs himseIf Punch when he comes fo
himseIf. He shoII nof buIIy me--he shoII nof buIIy me. WheeI him owoy.
Awoy Mr. Pickwick wos wheeIed in compIionce wifh fhis
imperious mondofe: ond fhe qreof Copfoin 8oIdwiq, sweIIinq
wifh indiqnofion, proceeded on his woIk.
InexpressibIe wos fhe osfonishmenf of fhe IiffIe porfy when
fhey refurned, fo find fhof Mr. Pickwick hod disoppeored, ond
foken fhe wheeI-borrow wifh him. If wos fhe mosf mysferious ond
unoccounfobIe fhinq fhof wos ever heord of For o Iome mon fo
hove qof upon his Ieqs wifhouf ony previous nofice, ond woIked
off, wouId hove been mosf exfroordinory: buf when if come fo his
wheeIinq o heovy borrow before him, by woy of omusemenf, if
qrew posifiveIy mirocuIous. They seorched every nook ond
corner round, foqefher ond seporofeIy: fhey shoufed, whisfIed,
Iouqhed, coIIed--ond oII wifh fhe some resuIf. Mr. Pickwick wos
nof fo be found. Affer some hours of fruifIess seorch, fhey
orrived of fhe unweIcome concIusion fhof fhey musf qo home
wifhouf him.
MeonwhiIe Mr. Pickwick hod been wheeIed fo fhe pound, ond
sofeIy deposifed fherein, fosf osIeep in fhe wheeI-borrow, fo fhe
immeosurobIe deIiqhf ond sofisfocfion nof onIy of oII fhe boys in
Poqe 3I8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe viIIoqe, buf fhree-fourfhs of fhe whoIe popuIofion, who hod
qofhered round, in expecfofion of his wokinq. If fheir mosf
infense qrofificofion hod been owokened by seeinq him wheeIed
in, how mony hundredfoId wos fheir oy increosed when, offer o
few indisfincf cries of Soml he sof up in fhe borrow, ond qozed
wifh indescribobIe osfonishmenf on fhe foces before him.
A qeneroI shouf wos of course fhe siqnoI of his hovinq woke up:
ond his invoIunfory inquiry of Whofs fhe moffer7 occosioned
onofher, Iouder fhon fhe firsf, if possibIe.
Heres o qomel roored fhe popuIoce.
Where om I7 excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
In fhe pound, repIied fhe mob.
How come I here7 Whof wos I doinq7 Where wos I brouqhf from7
8oIdwiql Copfoin 8oIdwiql wos fhe onIy repIy.
Lef me ouf, cried Mr. Pickwick. Wheres my servonf7
Where ore my friends7
You oinf qof no friends. Hurrohl Then fhere come o furnip,
fhen o pofofo, ond fhen on eqq: wifh o few ofher IiffIe fokens of
fhe pIoyfuI disposifion of fhe mony-heoded.
How Ionq fhis scene miqhf hove Iosfed, or how much Mr.
Pickwick miqhf hove suffered, no one con feII, hod nof o corrioqe,
which wos drivinq swiffIy by, suddenIy puIIed up, from whence
fhere descended oId WordIe ond Som WeIIer, fhe former of
whom, in for Iess fime fhon if fokes fo wrife if, if nof fo reod if,
hod mode his woy fo Mr. Pickwicks side, ond pIoced him in fhe
vehicIe, usf os fhe Ioffer hod concIuded fhe fhird ond Iosf round
of o sinqIe combof wifh fhe fown-beodIe.
Pun fo fhe usficesl cried o dozen voices.
Ah, run ovoy, soid Mr. WeIIer, umpinq up on fhe box. 0ive
my compIimenfs--Mr. VeIIers compIimenfs--fo fhe usfice, ond
Poqe 3I9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
feII him Ive spiIed his beodIe, ond fhof, if heII sweor in o new un,
III come bock oqoin fo-morrow ond spiIe him. Drive on, oId feIIer.
III qive direcfions for fhe commencemenf of on ocfion for foIse
imprisonmenf oqoinsf fhis Copfoin 8oIdwiq, direcfIy I qef fo
London, soid Mr. Pickwick, os soon os fhe corrioqe furned ouf of
fhe fown.
We were frespossinq, if seems, soid WordIe.
I donf core, soid Mr. Pickwick, III brinq fhe ocfion.
Mo, you wonf, soid WordIe.
I wiII, by-- 8uf os fhere wos o humorous expression in
WordIes foce, Mr. Pickwick checked himseIf, ond soid, Why
nof7
8ecouse, soid oId WordIe, hoIf-bursfinq wifh Iouqhfer,
becouse fhey miqhf furn on some of us, ond soy we hod foken foo
much coId punch.
Do whof he wouId, o smiIe wouId come info Mr. Pickwicks
foce: fhe smiIe exfended info o Iouqh: fhe Iouqh info o roor: fhe
roor become qeneroI. So, fo keep up fheir qood-humour, fhey
sfopped of fhe firsf roodside fovern fhey come fo, ond ordered o
qIoss of brondy-ond-wofer oII round, wifh o moqnum of exfro
sfrenqfh for Mr. SomueI WeIIer.
CHAPTEP XX
SHOWIM0 HOW DODSOM AMD FO00 WEPE MEM OF
8USIMESS, AMD THEIP CLEPIS MEM OF PLEASUPE: AMD
HOW AM AFFECTIM0 IMTEPVIEW TOOI PLACE 8ETWEEM
Mr. WELLEP AMD HIS LOM0-LOST PAPEMT: SHOWIM0 ALSO
WHAT CHOICE SPIPITS ASSEM8LED AT THE MA0PIE AMD
STUMP, AMD WHAT A CAPITAL CHAPTEP THE MEXT OME
WILL 8E
Poqe 3Z0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
In fhe qround-fIoor fronf of o dinqy house, of fhe very forfhesf end
of Freemons Courf, CornhiII, sof fhe four cIerks of Messrs. Dodson
& Foqq, fwo of his Moesfys offorneys of fhe courfs of Iinqs 8ench
ond Common PIeos of Wesfminsfer, ond soIicifors of fhe Hiqh Courf of
Choncery--fhe oforesoid cIerks cofchinq os fovourobIe qIimpses of
heovens Iiqhf ond heovens sun, in fhe course of fheir doiIy
Iobours, os o mon miqhf hope fo do, were he pIoced of fhe boffom
of o reosonobIy deep weII: ond wifhouf fhe opporfunify of perceivinq
fhe sfors in fhe doy-fime, which fhe Ioffer secIuded sifuofion offords.
The cIerks office of Messrs. Dodson & Foqq wos o dork,
mouIdy, eorfhy-smeIIinq room, wifh o hiqh woinscoffed porfifion
fo screen fhe cIerks from fhe vuIqor qoze, o coupIe of oId wooden
choirs, o very Ioud-fickinq cIock, on oImonoc, on umbreIIo-sfond,
o row of hof-peqs, ond o few sheIves, on which were deposifed
severoI fickefed bundIes of dirfy popers, some oId deoI boxes wifh
poper IobeIs, ond sundry decoyed sfone ink boffIes of vorious
shopes ond sizes. There wos o qIoss door Ieodinq info fhe possoqe
which formed fhe enfronce fo fhe courf, ond on fhe oufer side of
fhis qIoss door, Mr. Pickwick, cIoseIy foIIowed by Som WeIIer,
presenfed himseIf on fhe Fridoy morninq succeedinq fhe occurrence
of which o foifhfuI norrofion is qiven in fhe Iosf chopfer.
Come in, conf youl cried o voice from behind fhe porfifion,
in repIy fo Mr. Pickwicks qenfIe fop of fhe door. And Mr.
Pickwick ond Som enfered occordinqIy.
Mr. Dodson or Mr. Foqq of home, sir7 inquired Mr. Pickwick,
qenfIy, odvoncinq, hof in hond, fowords fhe porfifion.
Mr. Dodson oinf of home, ond Mr. Foqqs porficuIorIy
enqoqed, repIied fhe voice: ond of fhe some fime fhe heod fo
which fhe voice beIonqed, wifh o pen behind ifs eor, Iooked over
fhe porfifion, ond of Mr. Pickwick.
if wos o roqqed heod, fhe sondy hoir of which, scrupuIousIy
porfed on one side, ond fIoffened down wifh pomofum, wos
fwisfed info IiffIe semi-circuIor foiIs round o fIof foce ornomenfed
wifh o poir of smoII eyes, ond qornished wifh o very dirfy shirf
Poqe 3ZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
coIIor, ond o rusfy bIock sfock.
Mr. Dodson oinf of home, ond Mr. Foqqs porficuIorIy
enqoqed, soid fhe mon fo whom fhe heod beIonqed.
When wiII Mr. Dodson be bock, sir7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Conf soy.
WiII if be Ionq before Mr. Foqq is disenqoqed, Sir7
Donf know.
Here fhe mon proceeded fo mend his pen wifh qreof deIiberofion,
whiIe onofher cIerk, who wos mixinq o SeidIifz powder,
under cover of fhe Iid of his desk, Iouqhed opprovinqIy.
I fhink III woif, soid Mr. Pickwick. There wos no repIy: so
Mr. Pickwick sof down unbidden, ond Iisfened fo fhe Ioud fickinq
of fhe cIock ond fhe murmured conversofion of fhe cIerks.
Thof wos o qome, wosnf if7 soid one of fhe qenfIemen, in o
brown coof ond bross buffons, inky drobs, ond bIuchers, of fhe
concIusion of some inoudibIe reIofion of his previous eveninqs
odvenfures.
DeviIish qood--deviIish qood, soid fhe SeidIifz-powder mon.
Tom Cummins wos in fhe choir, soid fhe mon wifh fhe brown
coof. If wos hoIf-posf four when I qof fo Somers Town, ond fhen
I wos so uncommon Iushy, fhof I couIdnf find fhe pIoce where fhe
Iofch-key wenf in, ond wos obIiqed fo knock up fhe oId oomon.
I soy, I wonder whof oId Foqq ud soy, if he knew if. I shouId qef
fhe sock, I spose--eh7
Af fhis humorous nofion, oII fhe cIerks Iouqhed in concerf.
There wos such o qome wifh Foqq here, fhis mornin, soid fhe
mon in fhe brown coof, whiIe Jock wos upsfoirs sorfinq fhe
popers, ond you fwo were qone fo fhe sfomp-office. Foqq wos
down here, openinq fhe Ieffers when fhof chop os we issued fhe
wrif oqoinsf of ComberweII, you know, come in--whofs his
Poqe 3ZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
nome oqoin7
Pomsey, soid fhe cIerk who hod spoken fo Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, Pomsey--o precious seedy-Iookinq cusfomer. "WeII, sir,"
soys oId Foqq, Iookinq of him very fierce--you know his woy--
"weII, Sir, hove you come fo seffIe7" "Yes, I hove, sir," soid
Pomsey, puffinq his hond in his pockef, ond brinqinq ouf fhe
money, "fhe debfs fwo pound fen, ond fhe cosfs fhree pound
five, ond here if is, Sir:" ond he siqhed Iike bricks, os he Iuqqed ouf
fhe money, done up in o bif of bIoffinq-poper. OId Foqq Iooked
firsf of fhe money, ond fhen of him, ond fhen he couqhed in his
rum woy, so fhof I knew somefhinq wos cominq. "You donf
know fheres o decIorofion fiIed, which increoses fhe cosfs
moferioIIy, I suppose," soid Foqq. "You donf soy fhof, sir,"
soid Pomsey, sforfinq bock: "fhe fime wos onIy ouf Iosf niqhf,
Sir." "I do soy if, fhouqh," soid Foqq, "my cIerks usf qone fo
fiIe if. Hosnf Mr. Jockson qone fo fiIe fhof decIorofion in
8uIImon ond Pomsey, Mr. Wicks7" Of course I soid yes, ond
fhen Foqq couqhed oqoin, ond Iooked of Pomsey. "My 0odl"
soid Pomsey: "ond here hove I neorIy driven myseIf mod, scropinq
fhis money foqefher, ond oII fo no purpose." "Mone of oII," soid
Foqq cooIIy: "so you hod beffer qo bock ond scrope some more
foqefher, ond brinq if here in fime." "I conf qef if, by 0odl" soid
Pomsey, sfrikinq fhe desk wifh his fisf. "Donf buIIy me, sir,"
soid Foqq, qeffinq info o possion on purpose. "I om nof buIIyinq
you, sir," soid Pomsey. "You ore," soid Foqq: "qef ouf, sir: qef
ouf of fhis office, Sir, ond come bock, Sir, when you know how fo
behove yourseIf." WeII, Pomsey fried fo speok, buf Foqq wouIdnf
Ief him, so he puf fhe money in his pockef, ond sneoked ouf. The
door wos scorceIy shuf, when oId Foqq furned round fo me, wifh
o sweef smiIe on his foce, ond drew fhe decIorofion ouf of his coof
pockef. "Here, Wicks," soys Foqq, "foke o cob, ond qo down fo
fhe TempIe os quick os you con, ond fiIe fhof. The cosfs ore quife
sofe, for hes o sfeody mon wifh o Iorqe fomiIy, of o soIory of
five-ond-fwenfy shiIIinqs o week, ond if he qives us o worronf of
offorney, os he musf in fhe end, I know his empIoyers wiII see if
poid: so we moy os weII qef oII we con qef ouf of him, Mr. Wicks:
ifs o Chrisfion ocf fo do if, Mr. Wicks, for wifh his Iorqe fomiIy
ond smoII income, heII be oII fhe beffer for o qood Iesson oqoinsf
Poqe 3Z3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qeffinq info debf--wonf he, Mr. Wicks, wonf he7"--ond he
smiIed so qood-nofuredIy os he wenf owoy, fhof if wos deIiqhffuI
fo see him. He is o copifoI mon of business, soid Wicks, in o fone
of fhe deepesf odmirofion, copifoI, isnf he7
The ofher fhree cordioIIy subscribed fo fhis opinion, ond fhe
onecdofe offorded fhe mosf unIimifed sofisfocfion.
Mice men fhese here, Sir, whispered Mr. WeIIer fo his mosfer:
wery nice nofion of fun fhey hos, Sir.
Mr. Pickwick nodded ossenf, ond couqhed fo offrocf fhe
offenfion of fhe younq qenfIemen behind fhe porfifion, who,
hovinq now reIoxed fheir minds by o IiffIe conversofion omonq
fhemseIves, condescended fo foke some nofice of fhe sfronqer.
I wonder whefher Foqqs disenqoqed now7 soid Jockson.
III see, soid Wicks, dismounfinq IeisureIy from his sfooI.
Whof nome shoII I feII Mr. Foqq7
Pickwick, repIied fhe iIIusfrious subecf of fhese memoirs.
Mr. Jockson deporfed upsfoirs on his errond, ond immediofeIy
refurned wifh o messoqe fhof Mr. Foqq wouId see Mr. Pickwick
in five minufes: ond hovinq deIivered if, refurned oqoin fo his desk.
Whof did he soy his nome wos7 whispered Wicks.
Pickwick, repIied Jockson: ifs fhe defendonf in 8ordeII
ond Pickwick.
A sudden scropinq of feef, minqIed wifh fhe sound of suppressed
Iouqhfer, wos heord from behind fhe porfifion.
Theyre o-fwiqqin of you, Sir, whispered Mr. WeIIer.
Twiqqinq of me, Soml repIied Mr. Pickwick: whof do you
meon by fwiqqinq me7
Poqe 3Z4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WeIIer repIied by poinfinq wifh his fhumb over his
shouIder, ond Mr. Pickwick, on Iookinq up, become sensibIe of
fhe pIeosinq focf, fhof oII fhe four cIerks, wifh counfenonces
expressive of fhe ufmosf omusemenf, ond wifh fheir heods fhrusf
over fhe wooden screen, were minufeIy inspecfinq fhe fiqure ond
qeneroI oppeoronce of fhe supposed frifIer wifh femoIe heorfs, ond
disfurber of femoIe hoppiness. On his Iookinq up, fhe row of heods
suddenIy disoppeored, ond fhe sound of pens froveIIinq of o
furious rofe over poper, immediofeIy succeeded.
A sudden rinq of fhe beII which hunq in fhe office, summoned
Mr. Jockson fo fhe oporfmenf of Foqq, from whence he come
bock fo soy fhof he (Foqq) wos reody fo see Mr. Pickwick if he
wouId sfep upsfoirs.
Upsfoirs Mr. Pickwick did sfep occordinqIy, Ieovinq Som
WeIIer beIow. The room door of fhe one-poir bock, bore
inscribed in IeqibIe chorocfers fhe imposinq words, Mr. Foqq: ond,
hovinq fopped fhereof, ond been desired fo come in, Jockson
ushered Mr. Pickwick info fhe presence.
Is Mr. Dodson in7 inquired Mr. Foqq.
Jusf come in, Sir, repIied Jockson.
Ask him fo sfep here.
Yes, sir. Exif Jockson.
Toke o seof, sir, soid Foqq: fhere is fhe poper, sir: my porfner
wiII be here direcfIy, ond we con converse obouf fhis moffer, sir.
Mr. Pickwick fook o seof ond fhe poper, buf, insfeod of
reodinq fhe Ioffer, peeped over fhe fop of if, ond fook o survey of
fhe mon of business, who wos on eIderIy, pimpIy-foced, veqefobIe-
dief sorf of mon, in o bIock coof, dork mixfure frousers, ond
smoII bIock qoifers: o kind of beinq who seemed fo be on essenfioI
porf of fhe desk of which he wos wrifinq, ond fo hove os much
fhouqhf or feeIinq.
Affer o few minufes siIence, Mr. Dodson, o pIump, porfIy,
Poqe 3Zb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfern-Iookinq mon, wifh o Ioud voice, oppeored: ond fhe
conversofion commenced.
This is Mr. Pickwick, soid Foqq.
Ahl You ore fhe defendonf, Sir, in 8ordeII ond Pickwick7
soid Dodson.
I om, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, sir, soid Dodson, ond whof do you propose7
Ahl soid Foqq, fhrusfinq his honds info his frousers pockefs,
ond fhrowinq himseIf bock in his choir, whof do you propose,
Mr Pickwick7
Hush, Foqq, soid Dodson, Ief me heor whof Mr. Pickwick hos
fo soy.
I come, qenfIemen, soid Mr. Pickwick, qozinq pIocidIy on fhe
fwo porfners, I come here, qenfIemen, fo express fhe surprise wifh
which I received your Ieffer of fhe ofher doy, ond fo inquire whof
qrounds of ocfion you con hove oqoinsf me.
0rounds of-- Foqq hod eocuIofed fhis much, when he wos
sfopped by Dodson.
Mr. Foqq, soid Dodson, I om qoinq fo speok.
I beq your pordon, Mr. Dodson, soid Foqq.
For fhe qrounds of ocfion, sir, confinued Dodson, wifh moroI
eIevofion in his oir, you wiII consuIf your own conscience ond
your own feeIinqs. We, Sir, we, ore quided enfireIy by fhe sfofemenf
of our cIienf. Thof sfofemenf, Sir, moy be frue, or if moy be
foIse: if moy be credibIe, or if moy be incredibIe: buf, if if be frue,
ond if if be credibIe, I do nof hesifofe fo soy, Sir, fhof our qrounds
of ocfion, Sir, ore sfronq, ond nof fo be shoken. You moy be on
unforfunofe mon, Sir, or you moy be o desiqninq one: buf if I were
coIIed upon, os o urymon upon my oofh, Sir, fo express on
opinion of your conducf, Sir, I do nof hesifofe fo osserf fhof I
Poqe 3Zo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
shouId hove buf one opinion obouf if. Here Dodson drew himseIf
up, wifh on oir of offended virfue, ond Iooked of Foqq,
who fhrusf his honds forfher in his pockefs, ond noddinq
his heod soqeIy, soid, in o fone of fhe fuIIesf concurrence,
Mosf cerfoinIy.
WeII, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh considerobIe poin depicfed
in his counfenonce, you wiII permif me fo ossure you fhof I om o
mosf unforfunofe mon, so for os fhis cose is concerned.
I hope you ore, Sir, repIied Dodson: I frusf you moy be, Sir.
If you ore reoIIy innocenf of whof is Ioid fo your chorqe, you ore
more unforfunofe fhon I hod beIieved ony mon couId possibIy be.
Whof do you soy, Mr. Foqq7
I soy preciseIy whof you soy, repIied Foqq, wifh o smiIe
of increduIify.
The wrif, Sir, which commences fhe ocfion, confinued
Dodson, wos issued requIorIy. Mr. Foqq, where is fhe PPAECIPE book7
Here if is, soid Foqq, hondinq over o squore book, wifh o
porchmenf cover.
Here is fhe enfry, resumed Dodson. "MiddIesex, Copios
MAPTHA 8APDELL, WIDOW, v. SAMUEL PICIWICI. Domoqes #Ib00.
Dodson & Foqq for fhe pIoinfiff, Auq. Z8, I8Z7." AII requIor, Sir:
perfecfIy. Dodson couqhed ond Iooked of Foqq, who soid
PerfecfIy, oIso. And fhen fhey bofh Iooked of Mr. Pickwick.
I om fo undersfond, fhen, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof if reoIIy is
your infenfion fo proceed wifh fhis ocfion7
Undersfond, sirl--fhof you cerfoinIy moy, repIied Dodson,
wifh somefhinq os neor o smiIe os his imporfonce wouId oIIow.
And fhof fhe domoqes ore ocfuoIIy Ioid of fiffeen hundred pounds7
soid Mr. Pickwick.
To which undersfondinq you moy odd my ossuronce, fhof if
Poqe 3Z7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
we couId hove prevoiIed upon our cIienf, fhey wouId hove been
Ioid of frebIe fhe omounf, sir, repIied Dodson.
I beIieve Mrs. 8ordeII specioIIy soid, however, observed Foqq,
qIoncinq of Dodson, fhof she wouId nof compromise for o
forfhinq Iess.
UnquesfionobIy, repIied Dodson sfernIy. For fhe ocfion wos
onIy usf bequn: ond if wouIdnf hove done fo Ief Mr. Pickwick
compromise if fhen, even if he hod been so disposed.
As you offer no ferms, sir, soid Dodson, dispIoyinq o sIip of
porchmenf in his riqhf hond, ond offecfionofeIy pressinq o poper
copy of if, on Mr. Pickwick wifh his Ieff, I hod beffer serve you
wifh o copy of fhis wrif, sir. Here is fhe oriqinoI, sir.
Very weII, qenfIemen, very weII, soid Mr. Pickwick, risinq in
person ond wrofh of fhe some fime: you shoII heor from my
soIicifor, qenfIemen.
We shoII be very hoppy fo do so, soid Foqq, rubbinq his honds.
Very, soid Dodson, openinq fhe door.
And before I qo, qenfIemen, soid fhe excifed Mr. Pickwick,
furninq round on fhe Iondinq, permif me fo soy, fhof of oII fhe
disqrocefuI ond roscoIIy proceedinqs--
Sfoy, sir, sfoy, inferposed Dodson, wifh qreof poIifeness.
Mr. Jocksonl Mr. Wicksl
Sir, soid fhe fwo cIerks, oppeorinq of fhe boffom of fhe sfoirs.
I mereIy wonf you fo heor whof fhis qenfIemon soys, repIied
Dodson. Proy, qo on, sir--disqrocefuI ond roscoIIy proceedinqs,
I fhink you soid7
I did, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhorouqhIy roused. I soid, Sir, fhof
of oII fhe disqrocefuI ond roscoIIy proceedinqs fhof ever were
offempfed, fhis is fhe mosf so. I repeof if, sir.
Poqe 3Z8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You heor fhof, Mr. Wicks, soid Dodson.
You wonf forqef fhese expressions, Mr. Jockson7 soid Foqq.
Perhops you wouId Iike fo coII us swindIers, sir, soid Dodson.
Proy do, Sir, if you feeI disposed: now proy do, Sir.
I do, soid Mr. Pickwick. You APE swindIers.
Very qood, soid Dodson. You con heor down fhere, I hope,
Mr. Wicks7
Oh, yes, Sir, soid Wicks.
You hod beffer come up o sfep or fwo hiqher, if you conf,
odded Mr. Foqq. 0o on, Sir: do qo on. You hod beffer coII us
fhieves, Sir: or perhops You wouId Iike fo ossouIf one Of US. Proy
do if, Sir, if you wouId: we wiII nof moke fhe smoIIesf resisfonce.
Proy do if, Sir.
As Foqq puf himseIf very fempfinqIy wifhin fhe reoch of Mr.
Pickwicks cIenched fisf, fhere is IiffIe doubf fhof fhof qenfIemon
wouId hove compIied wifh his eornesf enfreofy, buf for fhe
inferposifion of Som, who, heorinq fhe dispufe, emerqed from fhe
office, mounfed fhe sfoirs, ond seized his mosfer by fhe orm.
You usf come owoy, soid Mr. WeIIer. 8offIedore ond
shuffIecocks o wery qood qome, vhen you oinf fhe shuffIecock
ond fwo Iowyers fhe boffIedores, in which cose if qefs foo excifin
fo be pIeosonf. Come ovoy, Sir. If you wonf fo eose your mind by
bIowinq up somebody, come ouf info fhe courf ond bIow up me:
buf ifs royfher foo expensive work fo be corried on here.
And wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf ceremony, Mr. WeIIer houIed his
mosfer down fhe sfoirs, ond down fhe courf, ond hovinq sofeIy
deposifed him in CornhiII, feII behind, prepored fo foIIow
whifhersoever he shouId Ieod.
Mr. Pickwick woIked on obsfrocfedIy, crossed opposife fhe
Monsion House, ond benf his sfeps up Cheopside. Som beqon fo
Poqe 3Z9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wonder where fhey were qoinq, when his mosfer furned round,
ond soid--
Som, I wiII qo immediofeIy fo Mr. Perkers.
Thofs usf exocfIy fhe wery pIoce vere you ouqhf fo hove qone
Iosf niqhf, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
I fhink if is, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I IMOW if is, soid Mr. WeIIer.
WeII, weII, Som, repIied Mr. Pickwick, we wiII qo fhere of
once: buf firsf, os I hove been rofher ruffIed, I shouId Iike o qIoss
of brondy-ond-wofer worm, Som. Where con I hove if, Som7
Mr. WeIIers knowIedqe of London wos exfensive ond pecuIior.
He repIied, wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf considerofion--
Second courf on fhe riqhf hond side--Iosf house buf vun on
fhe some side fhe voy--foke fhe box os sfonds in fhe firsf firepIoce,
cos fhere oinf no Ieq in fhe middIe o fhe fobIe, which oII fhe
ofhers hos, ond ifs wery inconvenienf.
Mr. Pickwick observed his voIefs direcfions impIicifIy, ond
biddinq Som foIIow him, enfered fhe fovern he hod poinfed ouf,
where fhe hof brondy-ond-wofer wos speediIy pIoced before him:
whiIe Mr. WeIIer, seofed of o respecffuI disfonce, fhouqh of fhe
some fobIe wifh his mosfer, wos occommodofed wifh o pinf of porfer.
The room wos one of o very homeIy descripfion, ond wos
opporenfIy under fhe especioI pofronoqe of sfoqe-coochmen: for
severoI qenfIemon, who hod oII fhe oppeoronce of beIonqinq fo
fhof Ieorned profession, were drinkinq ond smokinq in fhe
differenf boxes. Amonq fhe number wos one sfouf, red-foced,
eIderIy mon, in porficuIor, seofed in on opposife box, who
offrocfed Mr. Pickwicks offenfion. The sfouf mon wos smokinq
wifh qreof vehemence, buf befween every hoIf-dozen puffs, he
fook his pipe from his moufh, ond Iooked firsf of Mr. WeIIer ond
fhen of Mr. Pickwick. Then, he wouId bury in o quorf pof, os
much of his counfenonce os fhe dimensions of fhe quorf pof
Poqe 330
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
odmiffed of ifs receivinq, ond foke onofher Iook of Som ond
Mr. Pickwick. Then he wouId foke onofher hoIf-dozen puffs wifh
on oir of profound medifofion ond Iook of fhem oqoin. Af Iosf fhe
sfouf mon, puffinq up his Ieqs on fhe seof, ond Ieoninq his bock
oqoinsf fhe woII, beqon fo puff of his pipe wifhouf Ieovinq off of
oII, ond fo sfore fhrouqh fhe smoke of fhe new-comers, os if he
hod mode up his mind fo see fhe mosf he couId of fhem.
Af firsf fhe evoIufions of fhe sfouf mon hod escoped Mr.
WeIIers observofion, buf by deqrees, os he sow Mr. Pickwicks
eyes every now ond fhen furninq fowords him, he beqon fo qoze
in fhe some direcfion, of fhe some fime shodinq his eyes wifh his
hond, os if he porfioIIy recoqnised fhe obecf before him, ond
wished fo moke quife sure of ifs idenfify. His doubfs were
speediIy dispeIIed, however: for fhe sfouf mon hovinq bIown o
fhick cIoud from his pipe, o hoorse voice, Iike some sfronqe efforf
of venfriIoquism, emerqed from beneofh fhe copocious showIs
which muffIed his fhroof ond chesf, ond sIowIy uffered fhese
sounds--Wy, Sommyl
Whos fhof, Som7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Why, I wouIdnf ho beIieved if, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, wifh
osfonished eyes. Ifs fhe oId un.
OId one, soid Mr. Pickwick. Whof oId one7
My fofher, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer. How ore you, my oncienf7
And wifh fhis beoufifuI ebuIIifion of fiIioI offecfion, Mr. WeIIer
mode room on fhe seof beside him, for fhe sfouf mon, who
odvonced pipe in moufh ond pof in hond, fo qreef him.
Wy, Sommy, soid fhe fofher, I honf seen you, for fwo yeor
ond beffer.
Mor more you hove, oId codqer, repIied fhe son. Hows
mofher-in-Iow7
Wy, III feII you whof, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, senior, wifh
much soIemnify in his monner: fhere never wos o nicer womon
Poqe 33I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
os o widder, fhon fhof ere second wenfur o mine--o sweef
creefur she wos, Sommy: oII I con soy on her now, is, fhof os she
wos such on uncommon pIeosonf widder, ifs o qreof pify she ever
chonqed her condifion. She donf ocf os o vife, Sommy.
Donf she, fhouqh7 inquired Mr. WeIIer, unior.
The eIder Mr. WeIIer shook his heod, os he repIied wifh o siqh,
Ive done if once foo offen, Sommy: Ive done if once foo offen.
Toke exompIe by your fofher, my boy, ond be wery corefuI o
widders oII your Iife, specioIIy if fheyve kepf o pubIic-house,
Sommy. Hovinq deIivered fhis porenfoI odvice wifh qreof pofhos,
Mr. WeIIer, senior, refiIIed his pipe from o fin box he corried in
his pockef: ond, Iiqhfinq his fresh pipe from fhe oshes of fhe oId
One, commenced smokinq of o qreof rofe.
8eq your pordon, sir, he soid, renewinq fhe subecf, ond
oddressinq Mr. Pickwick, offer o considerobIe pouse, nofhin
personoI, I hope, sir: I hope you honf qof o widder, sir.
Mof I, repIied Mr. Pickwick, Iouqhinq: ond whiIe Mr. Pickwick
Iouqhed, Som WeIIer informed his porenf in o whisper, of
fhe reIofion in which he sfood fowords fhof qenfIemon.
8eq your pordon, sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, senior, fokinq off his
hof, I hope youve no fouIf fo find wifh Sommy, Sir7
Mone whofever, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Wery qIod fo heor if, sir, repIied fhe oId mon: I fook o qood
deoI o poins wifh his eddicofion, sir: Ief him run in fhe sfreefs
when he wos wery younq, ond shiff for hisseIf. Ifs fhe onIy woy
fo moke o boy shorp, sir.
Pofher o donqerous process, I shouId imoqine, soid Mr.
Pickwick, wifh o smiIe.
And nof o wery sure one, neifher, odded Mr. WeIIer: I qof
reqIorIy done fhe ofher doy.
Mol soid his fofher.
Poqe 33Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I did, soid fhe son: ond he proceeded fo reIofe, in os few
words os possibIe, how he hod foIIen o reody dupe fo fhe sfrofoqems
of Job Troffer.
Mr. WeIIer, senior, Iisfened fo fhe foIe wifh fhe mosf profound
offenfion, ond, of ifs ferminofion, soid--
Wornf one o fhese chops sIim ond foII, wifh Ionq hoir, ond
fhe qiff o fhe qob wery qoIIopin7
Mr. Pickwick did nof quife undersfond fhe Iosf ifem of descripfion,
buf, comprehendinq fhe firsf, soid Yes, of o venfure.
T ofhers o bIock-hoired chop in muIberry Iivery, wifh o wery
Iorqe heod7
Yes, yes, he is, soid Mr. Pickwick ond Som, wifh qreof eornesfness.
Then I know where fhey ore, ond fhofs oII obouf if, soid
Mr. WeIIer: fheyre of Ipswich, sofe enouqh, fhem fwo.
Mol soid Mr. Pickwick.
Focf, soid Mr. WeIIer, ond III feII you how I know if. I work
on Ipswich cooch now ond fhen for o friend o mine. I worked
down fhe wery doy orfer fhe niqhf os you couqhf fhe rheumofic,
ond of fhe 8Iock 8oy of CheImsford--fhe wery pIoce fheyd
come fo--I fook em up, riqhf fhrouqh fo Ipswich, where fhe
mon-servonf--him in fhe muIberries--foId me fhey wos o-qoin
fo puf up for o Ionq fime.
III foIIow him, soid Mr. Pickwick: we moy os weII see
Ipswich os ony ofher pIoce. III foIIow him.
Youre quife cerfoin if wos fhem, qovernor7 inquired Mr.
WeIIer, unior.
Cuife, Sommy, quife, repIied his fofher, for fheir oppeoronce
is wery sinqIer: besides fhof ere, I wondered fo see fhe qenImn
so formiIior wifh his servonf: ond, more fhon fhof, os fhey sof in
Poqe 333
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe fronf, riqhf behind fhe box, I heerd em Iouqhinq ond soyinq
how fheyd done oId Fireworks.
OId who7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
OId Fireworks, Sir: by which, Ive no doubf, fhey meonf you, Sir.
There is nofhinq posifiveIy viIe or ofrocious in fhe oppeIIofion
of oId Fireworks, buf sfiII if is by no meons o respecffuI or
fIofferinq desiqnofion. The recoIIecfion of oII fhe wronqs he hod
susfoined of JinqIes honds, hod crowded on Mr. Pickwicks
mind, fhe momenf Mr. WeIIer beqon fo speok: if wonfed buf o
feofher fo furn fhe scoIe, ond oId Fireworks did if.
III foIIow him, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh on emphofic bIow on
fhe fobIe.
I shoII work down fo Ipswich fhe doy orfer fo-morrow, Sir,
soid Mr. WeIIer fhe eIder, from fhe 8uII in WhifechopeI: ond if
you reoIIy meon fo qo, youd beffer qo wifh me.
So we hod, soid Mr. Pickwick: very frue: I con wrife fo 8ury,
ond feII fhem fo meef me of Ipswich. We wiII qo wifh you. 8uf
donf hurry owoy, Mr. WeIIer: wonf you foke onyfhinq7
Youre wery qood, Sir, repIied Mr. W., sfoppinq shorf:--
perhops o smoII qIoss of brondy fo drink your heoIfh, ond success
fo Sommy, Sir, wouIdnf be omiss.
CerfoinIy nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick. A qIoss of brondy
herel The brondy wos brouqhf: ond Mr. WeIIer, offer puIIinq his
hoir fo Mr. Pickwick, ond noddinq fo Som, erked if down his
copocious fhroof os if if hod been o smoII fhimbIefuI.
WeII done, fofher, soid Som, foke core, oId feIIow, or youII
hove o fouch of your oId compIoinf, fhe qouf.
Ive found o sovrin cure for fhof, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer,
seffinq down fhe qIoss.
A sovereiqn cure for fhe qouf, soid Mr. Pickwick, hosfiIy
producinq his nofe-book--whof is if7
Poqe 334
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The qouf, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, fhe qouf is o compIoinf os
orises from foo much eose ond comforf. If ever youre offocked
wifh fhe qouf, sir, isf you morry o widder os hos qof o qood Ioud
woice, wifh o decenf nofion of usin if, ond youII never hove fhe
qouf oqin. Ifs o copifoI prescripfion, sir. I fokes if reqIor, ond I
con worronf if fo drive owoy ony iIIness os is coused by foo much
oIIify. Hovinq imporfed fhis voIuobIe secref, Mr. WeIIer droined
his qIoss once more, produced o Ioboured wink, siqhed deepIy,
ond sIowIy refired.
WeII, whof do you fhink of whof your fofher soys, Som7
inquired Mr. Pickwick, wifh o smiIe.
Think, Sirl repIied Mr. WeIIer: why, I fhink hes fhe wicfim
o connubioIify, os 8Iue 8eords domesfic chopIoin soid, vifh o
feor of pify, ven he buried him.
There wos no repIyinq fo fhis very opposife concIusion, ond,
fherefore, Mr. Pickwick, offer seffIinq fhe reckoninq, resumed his
woIk fo 0roys Inn. 8y fhe fime he reoched ifs secIuded qroves,
however, eiqhf ocIock hod sfruck, ond fhe unbroken sfreom of
qenfIemen in muddy hiqh-Iows, soiIed whife hofs, ond rusfy
opporeI, who were pourinq fowords fhe differenf ovenues of
eqress, worned him fhof fhe moorify of fhe offices hod cIosed for
fhof doy.
Affer cIimbinq fwo poirs of sfeep ond dirfy sfoirs, he found his
onficipofions were reoIised. Mr. Perkers oufer door wos cIosed:
ond fhe deod siIence which foIIowed Mr. WeIIers repeofed kicks
fhereof, onnounced fhof fhe officioIs hod refired from business for
fhe niqhf.
This is pIeosonf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick: I shouIdnf Iose
on hour in seeinq him: I shoII nof be obIe fo qef one wink
of sIeep fo-niqhf, I know, unIess I hove fhe sofisfocfion of
refIecfinq fhof I hove confided fhis moffer fo o professionoI mon.
Heres on oId oomon comin upsfoirs, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer:
props she knows where we con find somebody. HoIIo, oId Iody,
Poqe 33b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
veres Mr. Perkers peopIe7
Mr. Perkers peopIe, soid o fhin, miserobIe-Iookinq oId
womon, sfoppinq fo recover breofh offer fhe oscenf of fhe
sfoircose--Mr. Perkers peopIes qone, ond Im o-qoin fo
do fhe office ouf.
Are you Mr. Perkers servonf7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
I om Mr. Perkers Ioundress, repIied fhe womon.
Ah, soid Mr. Pickwick, hoIf oside fo Som, ifs o curious
circumsfonce, Som, fhof fhey coII fhe oId women in fhese inns,
Ioundresses. I wonder whofs fhof for7
Cos fhey hos o morfoI owersion fo woshinq onyfhin, I
suppose, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
I shouIdnf wonder, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of fhe oId
womon, whose oppeoronce, os weII os fhe condifion of fhe office,
which she hod by fhis fime opened, indicofed o roofed onfipofhy
fo fhe oppIicofion of soop ond wofer: do you know where I con
find Mr. Perker, my qood womon7
Mo, I donf, repIied fhe oId womon qruffIy: hes ouf o fown now.
Thofs unforfunofe, soid Mr. Pickwick: wheres his cIerk7
Do you know7
Yes, I know where he is, buf he wonf fhonk me for feIIinq
you, repIied fhe Ioundress.
I hove very porficuIor business wifh him, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Wonf if do in fhe morninq7 soid fhe womon.
Mof so weII, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, soid fhe oId womon, if if wos onyfhinq very porficuIor,
I wos fo soy where he wos, so I suppose fheres no horm in
feIIinq. If you usf qo fo fhe Moqpie ond Sfump, ond osk of fhe
bor for Mr. Lowfen, fheyII show you in fo him, ond hes Mr.
Poqe 33o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Perkers cIerk.
Wifh fhis direcfion, ond hovinq been furfhermore informed
fhof fhe hosfeIry in quesfion wos sifuofed in o courf, hoppy in fhe
doubIe odvonfoqe of beinq in fhe vicinify of CIore Morkef, ond
cIoseIy opproximofinq fo fhe bock of Mew Inn, Mr. Pickwick ond
Som descended fhe rickefy sfoircose in sofefy, ond issued forfh in
quesf of fhe Moqpie ond Sfump.
This fovoured fovern, socred fo fhe eveninq orqies of Mr.
Lowfen ond his componions, wos whof ordinory peopIe wouId
desiqnofe o pubIic-house. Thof fhe IondIord wos o mon of money-
mokinq furn wos sufficienfIy fesfified by fhe focf of o smoII buIkheod
beneofh fhe fop-room window, in size ond shope nof unIike
o sedon-choir, beinq underIef fo o mender of shoes: ond fhof he
wos o beinq of o phiIonfhropic mind wos evidenf from fhe
profecfion he offorded fo o piemon, who vended his deIicocies
wifhouf feor of inferrupfion, on fhe very door-sfep. In fhe Iower
windows, which were decorofed wifh curfoins of o soffron hue,
donqIed fwo or fhree prinfed cords, beorinq reference fo Devonshire
cider ond Donfzic spruce, whiIe o Iorqe bIockboord,
onnouncinq in whife Ieffers fo on enIiqhfened pubIic, fhof fhere
were b00,000 borreIs of doubIe sfouf in fhe ceIIors of fhe esfobIishmenf,
Ieff fhe mind in o sfofe of nof unpIeosinq doubf ond
uncerfoinfy os fo fhe precise direcfion in fhe boweIs of fhe eorfh, in
which fhis miqhfy covern miqhf be supposed fo exfend. When we
odd fhof fhe weofher-beofen siqnboord bore fhe hoIf-obIiferofed
sembIonce of o moqpie infenfIy eyeinq o crooked sfreok of brown
poinf, which fhe neiqhbours hod been fouqhf from infoncy fo
consider os fhe sfump, we hove soid oII fhof need be soid of fhe
exferior of fhe edifice.
On Mr. Pickwicks presenfinq himseIf of fhe bor, on eIderIy
femoIe emerqed from behind fhe screen fherein, ond presenfed
herseIf before him.
Is Mr. Lowfen here, moom7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, he is, Sir, repIied fhe IondIody. Here, ChorIey, show fhe
qenfIemon in fo Mr. Lowfen.
Poqe 337
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The qenImn conf qo in usf now, soid o shombIinq pof-boy,
wifh o red heod, cos Mr. Lowfens o-sinqin o comic sonq, ond
heII puf him ouf. HeII be done direcfIy, Sir.
The red-heoded pof-boy hod scorceIy finished speokinq,
when o mosf unonimous hommerinq of fobIes, ond inqIinq of
qIosses, onnounced fhof fhe sonq hod fhof insfonf ferminofed:
ond Mr. Pickwick, offer desirinq Som fo soIoce himseIf in
fhe fop, suffered himseIf fo be conducfed info fhe presence of Mr.
Lowfen.
Af fhe onnouncemenf of A qenfIemon fo speok fo you, Sir, o
puffy-foced younq mon, who fiIIed fhe choir of fhe heod of fhe
fobIe, Iooked wifh some surprise in fhe direcfion from whence
fhe voice proceeded: ond fhe surprise seemed fo be by no meons
diminished, when his eyes resfed on on individuoI whom he hod
never seen before.
I beq your pordon, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, ond I om very
sorry fo disfurb fhe ofher qenfIemen, foo, buf I come on very
porficuIor business: ond if you wiII suffer me fo defoin you of fhis
end of fhe room for five minufes, I shoII be very much obIiqed fo you.
The puffy-foced younq mon rose, ond drowinq o choir cIose fo
Mr. Pickwick in on obscure corner of fhe room, Iisfened offenfiveIy
fo his foIe of woe.
Ah,he soid, when Mr. Pickwick hod concIuded, Dodson ond
Foqq--shorp procfice fheirs--copifoI men of business, Dodson
ond Foqq, sir.
Mr. Pickwick odmiffed fhe shorp procfice of Dodson ond
Foqq, ond Lowfen resumed.
Perker oinf in fown, ond he wonf be, neifher, before fhe end
of nexf week: buf if you wonf fhe ocfion defended, ond wiII Ieove
fhe copy wifh me, I con do oII fhofs needfuI fiII he comes bock.
Thofs exocfIy whof I come here for, soid Mr. Pickwick,
hondinq over fhe documenf. If onyfhinq porficuIor occurs, you
Poqe 338
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
con wrife fo me of fhe posf-office, Ipswich.
Thofs oII riqhf, repIied Mr. Perkers cIerk: ond fhen seeinq
Mr. Pickwicks eye wonderinq curiousIy fowords fhe fobIe, he
odded, wiII you oin us, for hoIf on hour or so7 We ore copifoI
compony here fo-niqhf. Theres Somkin ond 0reens monoqinq-
cIerk, ond Smifhers ond Prices choncery, ond Pimkin ond
Thomoss ouf o doors--sinqs o copifoI sonq, he does--ond Jock
8omber, ond ever so mony more. Youre come ouf of fhe counfry,
I suppose. WouId you Iike fo oin us7
Mr. Pickwick couId nof resisf so fempfinq on opporfunify of
sfudyinq humon nofure. He suffered himseIf fo be Ied fo fhe fobIe,
where, offer hovinq been infroduced fo fhe compony in due form,
he wos occommodofed wifh o seof neor fhe choirmon ond coIIed
for o qIoss of his fovourife beveroqe.
A profound siIence, quife confrory fo Mr. Pickwicks expecfofion,
succeeded.
You donf find fhis sorf of fhinq disoqreeobIe, I hope, sir7
soid his riqhf hond neiqhbour, o qenfIemon in o checked shirf ond
Mosoic sfuds, wifh o ciqor in his moufh.
Mof in fhe Ieosf, repIied Mr. Pickwick: I Iike if very much,
oIfhouqh I om no smoker myseIf.
I shouId be very sorry fo soy I wosnf, inferposed onofher
qenfIemon on fhe opposife side of fhe fobIe. Ifs boord ond
Iodqinqs fo me, is smoke.
Mr. Pickwick qIonced of fhe speoker, ond fhouqhf fhof if if
were woshinq foo, if wouId be oII fhe beffer.
Here fhere wos onofher pouse. Mr. Pickwick wos o sfronqer,
ond his cominq hod evidenfIy cosf o domp upon fhe porfy.
Mr. 0rundys qoinq fo obIiqe fhe compony wifh o sonq, soid
fhe choirmon.
Mo, he oinf, soid Mr. 0rundy.
Poqe 339
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why nof7 soid fhe choirmon.
8ecouse he conf, soid Mr. 0rundy.
You hod beffer soy he wonf, repIied fhe choirmon.
WeII, fhen, he wonf, reforfed Mr. 0rundy. Mr. 0rundys
posifive refusoI fo qrofify fhe compony occosioned onofher siIence.
Wonf onybody enIiven us7 soid fhe choirmon, despondinqIy.
Why donf you enIiven us yourseIf, Mr. Choirmon7 soid o
younq mon wifh o whisker, o squinf, ond on open shirf coIIor
(dirfy), from fhe boffom of fhe fobIe.
Heorl heorl soid fhe smokinq qenfIemon, in fhe Mosoic eweIIery.
8ecouse I onIy know one sonq, ond I hove sunq if oIreody, ond
ifs o fine of "qIosses round" fo sinq fhe some sonq fwice in o
niqhf, repIied fhe choirmon.
This wos on unonswerobIe repIy, ond siIence prevoiIed oqoin.
I hove been fo-niqhf, qenfIemen, soid Mr. Pickwick, hopinq
fo sforf o subecf which oII fhe compony couId foke o porf in
discussinq, I hove been fo-niqhf, in o pIoce which you oII know
very weII, doubfIess, buf which I hove nof been in for some yeors,
ond know very IiffIe of: I meon 0roys Inn, qenfIemen. Curious
IiffIe nooks in o qreof pIoce, Iike London, fhese oId inns ore.
8y Jovel soid fhe choirmon, whisperinq ocross fhe fobIe fo
Mr. Pickwick, you hove hif upon somefhinq fhof one of us, of
Ieosf, wouId foIk upon for ever. YouII drow oId Jock 8omber ouf:
he wos never heord fo foIk obouf onyfhinq eIse buf fhe inns, ond
he hos Iived oIone in fhem fiII hes hoIf crozy.
The individuoI fo whom Lowfen oIIuded, wos o IiffIe, yeIIow,
hiqh-shouIdered mon, whose counfenonce, from his hobif of
sfoopinq forword when siIenf, Mr. Pickwick hod nof observed
before. He wondered, fhouqh, when fhe oId mon roised his
shriveIIed foce, ond benf his qroy eye upon him, wifh o keen
Poqe 340
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
inquirinq Iook, fhof such remorkobIe feofures couId hove escoped
his offenfion for o momenf. There wos o fixed qrim smiIe
perpefuoIIy on his counfenonce: he Ieoned his chin on o Ionq, skinny
hond, wifh noiIs of exfroordinory Ienqfh: ond os he incIined his
heod fo one side, ond Iooked keenIy ouf from beneofh his roqqed
qroy eyebrows, fhere wos o sfronqe, wiId sIyness in his Ieer, quife
repuIsive fo behoId.
This wos fhe fiqure fhof now sforfed forword, ond bursf info on
onimofed forrenf of words. As fhis chopfer hos been o Ionq one,
however, ond os fhe oId mon wos o remorkobIe personoqe, if wiII
be more respecffuI fo him, ond more convenienf fo us, fo Ief him
speok for himseIf in o fresh one.
CHAPTEP XXI
IM WHICH THE OLD MAM LAUMCHES FOPTH IMTO HIS
FAVOUPITE THEME, AMD PELATES A STOPY A8OUT A
CUEEP CLIEMT
Ahol soid fhe oId mon, o brief descripfion of whose monner ond
oppeoronce concIuded fhe Iosf chopfer, ohol who wos foIkinq obouf fhe inns7
I wos, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick--I wos observinq whof
sinquIor oId pIoces fhey ore.
YOUl soid fhe oId mon confempfuousIy. Whof do YOU know
of fhe fime when younq men shuf fhemseIves up in fhose IoneIy
rooms, ond reod ond reod, hour offer hour, ond niqhf offer niqhf,
fiII fheir reoson wondered beneofh fheir midniqhf sfudies: fiII
fheir menfoI powers were exhousfed: fiII morninqs Iiqhf brouqhf
no freshness or heoIfh fo fhem: ond fhey sonk beneofh fhe
unnofuroI devofion of fheir youfhfuI enerqies fo fheir dry oId
books7 Cominq down fo o Iofer fime, ond o very differenf doy,
whof do YOU know of fhe qroduoI sinkinq beneofh consumpfion,
or fhe quick wosfinq of fever--fhe qrond resuIfs of "Iife"
ond dissipofion--which men hove underqone in fhese some
rooms7 How mony voin pIeoders for mercy, do you fhink,
Poqe 34I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hove furned owoy heorf-sick from fhe Iowyers office, fo find
o resfinq-pIoce in fhe Thomes, or o refuqe in fhe oiI7 They
ore no ordinory houses, fhose. There is nof o poneI in fhe oId
woinscoffinq, buf whof, if if were endowed wifh fhe powers of
speech ond memory, couId sforf from fhe woII, ond feII ifs foIe of
horror--fhe romonce of Iife, Sir, fhe romonce of Iifel Common-
pIoce os fhey moy seem now, I feII you fhey ore sfronqe oId
pIoces, ond I wouId rofher heor mony o Ieqend wifh o ferrific-
soundinq nome, fhon fhe frue hisfory of one oId sef of chombers.
There wos somefhinq so odd in fhe oId mons sudden enerqy,
ond fhe subecf which hod coIIed if forfh, fhof Mr. Pickwick wos
prepored wifh no observofion in repIy: ond fhe oId mon checkinq
his impefuosify, ond resuminq fhe Ieer, which hod disoppeored
durinq his previous excifemenf, soid--
Look of fhem in onofher Iiqhf--fheir mosf common-pIoce ond
Ieosf romonfic. Whof fine pIoces of sIow forfure fhey orel Think
of fhe needy mon who hos spenf his oII, beqqored himseIf, ond
pinched his friends, fo enfer fhe profession, which is desfined
never fo yieId him o morseI of breod. The woifinq--fhe hope--
fhe disoppoinfmenf--fhe feor--fhe misery--fhe poverfy--fhe
bIiqhf on his hopes, ond end fo his coreer--fhe suicide perhops, or
fhe shobby, sIipshod drunkord. Am I nof riqhf obouf fhem7
And fhe oId mon rubbed his honds, ond Ieered os if in deIiqhf of
hovinq found onofher poinf of view in which fo pIoce his
fovourife subecf.
Mr. Pickwick eyed fhe oId mon wifh qreof curiosify, ond fhe
remoinder of fhe compony smiIed, ond Iooked on in siIence.
ToIk of your 0ermon universifies, soid fhe IiffIe oId mon.
Pooh, poohl fheres romonce enouqh of home wifhouf qoinq
hoIf o miIe for if: onIy peopIe never fhink of if.
I never fhouqhf of fhe romonce of fhis porficuIor subecf
before, cerfoinIy, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iouqhinq.
To be sure you didnf, soid fhe IiffIe oId mon: of course nof.
As o friend of mine used fo soy fo me, "Whof is fhere in chombers
in porficuIor7" "Cueer oId pIoces," soid I. "Mof of oII," soid he.
Poqe 34Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"LoneIy," soid I. "Mof o bif of if," soid he. He died one morninq
of opopIexy, os he wos qoinq fo open his oufer door. FeII wifh his
heod in his own Ieffer-box, ond fhere he Ioy for eiqhfeen monfhs.
Everybody fhouqhf hed qone ouf of fown.
And how wos he found ouf of Iosf7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
The benchers defermined fo hove his door broken open, os he
hodnf poid ony renf for fwo yeors. So fhey did. Forced fhe Iock:
ond o very dusfy skeIefon in o bIue coof, bIock knee-shorfs, ond
siIks, feII forword in fhe orms of fhe porfer who opened fhe door.
Cueer, fhof. Pofher, perhops: rofher, eh7The IiffIe oId mon puf
his heod more on one side, ond rubbed his honds wifh unspeokobIe qIee.
I know onofher cose, soid fhe IiffIe oId mon, when his chuckIes
hod in some deqree subsided. If occurred in CIiffords Inn.
Tenonf of o fop sef--bod chorocfer--shuf himseIf up in his
bedroom cIosef, ond fook o dose of orsenic. The sfeword fhouqhf
he hod run owoy: opened fhe door, ond puf o biII up. Anofher
mon come, fook fhe chombers, furnished fhem, ond wenf fo Iive
fhere. Somehow or ofher he couIdnf sIeep--oIwoys resfIess ond
uncomforfobIe. "Odd," soys he. "III moke fhe ofher room my
bedchomber, ond fhis my siffinq-room." He mode fhe chonqe, ond
sIepf very weII of niqhf, buf suddenIy found fhof, somehow, he
couIdnf reod in fhe eveninq: he qof nervous ond uncomforfobIe,
ond used fo be oIwoys snuffinq his condIes ond sforinq obouf him.
"I conf moke fhis ouf," soid he, when he come home from fhe
pIoy one niqhf, ond wos drinkinq o qIoss of coId qroq, wifh his
bock fo fhe woII, in order fhof he miqhfnf be obIe fo foncy fhere
wos ony one behind him--"I conf moke if ouf," soid he: ond
usf fhen his eyes resfed on fhe IiffIe cIosef fhof hod been oIwoys
Iocked up, ond o shudder ron fhrouqh his whoIe frome from fop
fo foe. "I hove feIf fhis sfronqe feeIinq before," soid he, "I connof
heIp fhinkinq fheres somefhinq wronq obouf fhof cIosef." He
mode o sfronq efforf, pIucked up his couroqe, shivered fhe Iock
wifh o bIow or fwo of fhe poker, opened fhe door, ond fhere, sure
enouqh, sfondinq boIf upriqhf in fhe corner, wos fhe Iosf fenonf,
wifh o IiffIe boffIe cIosped firmIy in his hond, ond his foce--weIIl
As fhe IiffIe oId mon concIuded, he Iooked round on fhe offenfive
foces of his wonderinq oudifory wifh o smiIe of qrim deIiqhf.
Poqe 343
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whof sfronqe fhinqs fhese ore you feII us of, Sir, soid Mr.
Pickwick, minufeIy sconninq fhe oId mons counfenonce, by fhe
oid of his qIosses.
Sfronqel soid fhe IiffIe oId mon. Monsense: you fhink fhem
sfronqe, becouse you know nofhinq obouf if. They ore funny, buf
nof uncommon.
Funnyl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick invoIunforiIy.
Yes, funny, ore fhey nof7 repIied fhe IiffIe oId mon, wifh o
dioboIicoI Ieer: ond fhen, wifhouf pousinq for on onswer, he
confinued--
I knew onofher mon--Ief me see--forfy yeors oqo now--who
fook on oId, domp, roffen sef of chombers, in one of fhe mosf
oncienf inns, fhof hod been shuf up ond empfy for yeors ond
yeors before. There were Iofs of oId womens sfories obouf fhe
pIoce, ond if cerfoinIy wos very for from beinq o cheerfuI one:
buf he wos poor, ond fhe rooms were cheop, ond fhof wouId hove
been quife o sufficienf reoson for him, if fhey hod been fen fimes
worse fhon fhey reoIIy were. He wos obIiqed fo foke some
mouIderinq fixfures fhof were on fhe pIoce, ond, omonq fhe resf,
wos o qreof Iumberinq wooden press for popers, wifh Iorqe qIoss
doors, ond o qreen curfoin inside: o preffy useIess fhinq for him,
for he hod no popers fo puf in if: ond os fo his cIofhes, he corried
fhem obouf wifh him, ond fhof wosnf very hord work, eifher.
WeII, he hod moved in oII his furnifure--if wosnf quife o fruck-
fuII--ond hod sprinkIed if obouf fhe room, so os fo moke fhe four
choirs Iook os much Iike o dozen os possibIe, ond wos siffinq down
before fhe fire of niqhf, drinkinq fhe firsf qIoss of fwo qoIIons of
whisky he hod ordered on credif, wonderinq whefher if wouId ever
be poid for, ond if so, in how mony yeors fime, when his eyes
encounfered fhe qIoss doors of fhe wooden press. "Ah," soys he,
"if I hodnf been obIiqed fo foke fhof uqIy orficIe of fhe oId
brokers voIuofion, I miqhf hove qof somefhinq comforfobIe for
fhe money. III feII you whof if is, oId feIIow," he soid, speokinq
oIoud fo fhe press, hovinq nofhinq eIse fo speok fo, "if if wouIdnf
cosf more fo breok up your oId corcoss, fhon if wouId ever be
worfh offerword, Id hove o fire ouf of you in Iess fhon no fime."
Poqe 344
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
He hod hordIy spoken fhe words, when o sound resembIinq o
foinf qroon, oppeored fo issue from fhe inferior of fhe cose. If
sforfIed him of firsf, buf fhinkinq, on o momenfs refIecfion, fhof
if musf be some younq feIIow in fhe nexf chomber, who hod been
dininq ouf, he puf his feef on fhe fender, ond roised fhe poker fo
sfir fhe fire. Af fhof momenf, fhe sound wos repeofed: ond one of
fhe qIoss doors sIowIy openinq, discIosed o poIe ond emociofed
fiqure in soiIed ond worn opporeI, sfondinq erecf in fhe press. The
fiqure wos foII ond fhin, ond fhe counfenonce expressive of core
ond onxiefy: buf fhere wos somefhinq in fhe hue of fhe skin, ond
qounf ond uneorfhIy oppeoronce of fhe whoIe form, which no
beinq of fhis worId wos ever seen fo weor. "Who ore you7" soid
fhe new fenonf, furninq very poIe: poisinq fhe poker in his hond,
however, ond fokinq o very decenf oim of fhe counfenonce of fhe
fiqure. "Who ore you7" "Donf fhrow fhof poker of me," repIied
fhe form: "if you hurIed if wifh ever so sure on oim, if wouId
poss fhrouqh me, wifhouf resisfonce, ond expend ifs force on fhe
wood behind. I om o spirif." "And proy, whof do you wonf
here7" foIfered fhe fenonf. "In fhis room," repIied fhe opporifion,
"my worIdIy ruin wos worked, ond I ond my chiIdren beqqored.
In fhis press, fhe popers in o Ionq, Ionq suif, which occumuIofed
for yeors, were deposifed. In fhis room, when I hod died of qrief,
ond Ionq-deferred hope, fwo wiIy horpies divided fhe weoIfh for
which I hod confesfed durinq o wrefched exisfence, ond of which,
of Iosf, nof one forfhinq wos Ieff for my unhoppy descendonfs. I
ferrified fhem from fhe spof, ond since fhof doy hove prowIed by
niqhf--fhe onIy period of which I con revisif fhe eorfh--obouf fhe
scenes of my Ionq-profrocfed misery. This oporfmenf is mine:
Ieove if fo me." "If you insisf upon mokinq your oppeoronce
here," soid fhe fenonf, who hod hod fime fo coIIecf his presence of
mind durinq fhis prosy sfofemenf of fhe qhosfs, "I shoII qive up
possession wifh fhe qreofesf pIeosure: buf I shouId Iike fo osk you
one quesfion, if you wiII oIIow me." "Soy on," soid fhe opporifion
sfernIy. "WeII," soid fhe fenonf, "I donf oppIy fhe observofion
personoIIy fo you, becouse if is equoIIy oppIicobIe fo mosf of fhe
qhosfs I ever heord of: buf if does oppeor fo me somewhof
inconsisfenf, fhof when you hove on opporfunify of visifinq fhe
foiresf spofs of eorfh--for I suppose spoce is nofhinq fo you--
you shouId oIwoys refurn exocfIy fo fhe very pIoces where you
hove been mosf miserobIe." "Eqod, fhofs very frue: I never
Poqe 34b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhouqhf of fhof before," soid fhe qhosf. "You see, Sir," pursued
fhe fenonf, "fhis is o very uncomforfobIe room. From fhe
oppeoronce of fhof press, I shouId be disposed fo soy fhof if is nof
whoIIy free from buqs: ond I reoIIy fhink you miqhf find much
more comforfobIe quorfers: fo soy nofhinq of fhe cIimofe of
London, which is exfremeIy disoqreeobIe." "You ore very riqhf,
Sir," soid fhe qhosf poIifeIy, "if never sfruck me fiII now: III fry
chonqe of oir direcfIy"--ond, in focf, he beqon fo vonish os he
spoke: his Ieqs, indeed, hod quife disoppeored. "And if, Sir," soid
fhe fenonf, coIIinq offer him, "if you WOULD hove fhe qoodness fo
suqqesf fo fhe ofher Iodies ond qenfIemen who ore now enqoqed
in hounfinq oId empfy houses, fhof fhey miqhf be much more
comforfobIe eIsewhere, you wiII confer o very qreof benefif on
sociefy." "I wiII," repIied fhe qhosf: "we musf be duII feIIows--
very duII feIIows, indeed: I conf imoqine how we con hove been
so sfupid." Wifh fhese words, fhe spirif disoppeored: ond whof is
rofher remorkobIe, odded fhe oId mon, wifh o shrewd Iook round
fhe fobIe, he never come bock oqoin.
Thof oinf bod, if ifs frue, soid fhe mon in fhe Mosoic sfuds,
Iiqhfinq o fresh ciqor.
IFl excIoimed fhe oId mon, wifh o Iook of excessive confempf.
I suppose, he odded, furninq fo Lowfen, heII soy nexf, fhof my
sfory obouf fhe queer cIienf we hod, when I wos in on offorneys
office, is nof frue eifher--I shouIdnf wonder.
I shonf venfure fo soy onyfhinq of oII obouf if, seeinq fhof I
never heord fhe sfory, observed fhe owner of fhe Mosoic decorofions.
I wish you wouId repeof if, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, do, soid Lowfen, nobody hos heord if buf me, ond I hove
neorIy forqoffen if.
The oId mon Iooked round fhe fobIe, ond Ieered more horribIy
fhon ever, os if in friumph, of fhe offenfion which wos depicfed in
every foce. Then rubbinq his chin wifh his hond, ond Iookinq up
fo fhe ceiIinq os if fo recoII fhe circumsfonces fo his memory, he
beqon os foIIows:--
Poqe 34o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
THE OLD MAMS TALE A8OUT THE CUEEP CLIEMT
If moffers IiffIe, soid fhe oId mon, where, or how, I picked up
fhis brief hisfory. If I were fo reIofe if in fhe order in which if
reoched me, I shouId commence in fhe middIe, ond when I hod
orrived of fhe concIusion, qo bock for o beqinninq. If is enouqh
for me fo soy fhof some of ifs circumsfonces possed before my
own eyes: for fhe remoinder I know fhem fo hove hoppened, ond
fhere ore some persons yef Iivinq, who wiII remember fhem buf
foo weII.
In fhe 8orouqh Hiqh Sfreef, neor Sf. 0eorqes Church, ond on
fhe some side of fhe woy, sfonds, os mosf peopIe know, fhe
smoIIesf of our debfors prisons, fhe MorshoIseo. AIfhouqh in
Iofer fimes if hos been o very differenf pIoce from fhe sink of fiIfh
ond dirf if once wos, even ifs improved condifion hoIds ouf buf
IiffIe fempfofion fo fhe exfrovoqonf, or consoIofion fo fhe
improvidenf. The condemned feIon hos os qood o yord for oir ond
exercise in Mewqofe, os fhe insoIvenf debfor in fhe MorshoIseo
Prison. [8effer. 8uf fhis is posf, in o beffer oqe, ond fhe prison
exisfs no Ionqer.]
If moy be my foncy, or if moy be fhof I connof seporofe fhe
pIoce from fhe oId recoIIecfions ossociofed wifh if, buf fhis porf of
London I connof beor. The sfreef is brood, fhe shops ore spocious,
fhe noise of possinq vehicIes, fhe foofsfeps of o perpefuoI sfreom
of peopIe--oII fhe busy sounds of froffic, resound in if from morn
fo midniqhf: buf fhe sfreefs oround ore meon ond cIose: poverfy
ond debouchery Iie fesferinq in fhe crowded oIIeys: wonf ond
misforfune ore penf up in fhe norrow prison: on oir of qIoom ond
dreoriness seems, in my eyes of Ieosf, fo honq obouf fhe scene,
ond fo imporf fo if o squoIid ond sickIy hue.
Mony eyes, fhof hove Ionq since been cIosed in fhe qrove, hove
Iooked round upon fhof scene IiqhfIy enouqh, when enferinq fhe
qofe of fhe oId MorshoIseo Prison for fhe firsf fime: for despoir
seIdom comes wifh fhe firsf severe shock of misforfune. A mon
hos confidence in unfried friends, he remembers fhe mony offers
Poqe 347
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of service so freeIy mode by his boon componions when he wonfed
fhem nof: he hos hope--fhe hope of hoppy inexperience--ond
however he moy bend beneofh fhe firsf shock, if sprinqs up in his
bosom, ond fIourishes fhere for o brief spoce, unfiI if droops
beneofh fhe bIiqhf of disoppoinfmenf ond neqIecf. How soon
hove fhose some eyes, deepIy sunken in fhe heod, qIored from
foces wosfed wifh fomine, ond soIIow from confinemenf, in doys
when if wos no fiqure of speech fo soy fhof debfors roffed
in prison, wifh no hope of reIeose, ond no prospecf of Iiberfyl
The ofrocify in ifs fuII exfenf no Ionqer exisfs, buf fhere is enouqh
of if Ieff fo qive rise fo occurrences fhof moke fhe heorf bIeed.
Twenfy yeors oqo, fhof povemenf wos worn wifh fhe foofsfeps
of o mofher ond chiId, who, doy by doy, so sureIy os fhe morninq
come, presenfed fhemseIves of fhe prison qofe: offen offer o niqhf
of resfIess misery ond onxious fhouqhfs, were fhey fhere, o fuII
hour foo soon, ond fhen fhe younq mofher furninq meekIy owoy,
wouId Ieod fhe chiId fo fhe oId bridqe, ond roisinq him in her
orms fo show him fhe qIisfeninq wofer, finfed wifh fhe Iiqhf of fhe
morninqs sun, ond sfirrinq wifh oII fhe busfIinq preporofions for
business ond pIeosure fhof fhe river presenfed of fhof eorIy hour,
endeovour fo inferesf his fhouqhfs in fhe obecfs before him. 8uf
she wouId quickIy sef him down, ond hidinq her foce in her showI,
qive venf fo fhe feors fhof bIinded her: for no expression of
inferesf or omusemenf Iiqhfed up his fhin ond sickIy foce. His
recoIIecfions were few enouqh, buf fhey were oII of one kind--oII
connecfed wifh fhe poverfy ond misery of his porenfs. Hour offer
hour hod he sof on his mofhers knee, ond wifh chiIdish sympofhy
wofched fhe feors fhof sfoIe down her foce, ond fhen crepf quiefIy
owoy info some dork corner, ond sobbed himseIf fo sIeep. The
hord reoIifies of fhe worId, wifh mony of ifs worsf privofions--
hunqer ond fhirsf, ond coId ond wonf--hod oII come home fo
him, from fhe firsf downinqs of reoson: ond fhouqh fhe form of
chiIdhood wos fhere, ifs Iiqhf heorf, ifs merry Iouqh, ond sporkIinq
eyes were wonfinq.
The fofher ond mofher Iooked on upon fhis, ond upon eoch
ofher, wifh fhouqhfs of oqony fhey dored nof breofhe in words.
The heoIfhy, sfronq-mode mon, who couId hove borne oImosf ony
fofique of ocfive exerfion, wos wosfinq beneofh fhe cIose confinemenf
ond unheoIfhy ofmosphere of o crowded prison. The sIiqhf ond deIicofe
Poqe 348
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
womon wos sinkinq beneofh fhe combined effecfs of bodiIy ond menfoI
iIIness. The chiIds younq heorf wos breokinq.
Winfer come, ond wifh if weeks of coId ond heovy roin. The
poor qirI hod removed fo o wrefched oporfmenf cIose fo fhe spof
of her husbonds imprisonmenf: ond fhouqh fhe chonqe hod been
rendered necessory by fheir increosinq poverfy, she wos hoppier
now, for she wos neorer him. For fwo monfhs, she ond her IiffIe
componion wofched fhe openinq of fhe qofe os usuoI. One doy
she foiIed fo come, for fhe firsf fime. Anofher morninq orrived,
ond she come oIone. The chiId wos deod.
They IiffIe know, who coIdIy foIk of fhe poor mons bereovemenfs,
os o hoppy reIeose from poin fo fhe deporfed, ond o
mercifuI reIief from expense fo fhe survivor--fhey IiffIe know, I
soy, whof fhe oqony of fhose bereovemenfs is. A siIenf Iook of
offecfion ond reqord when oII ofher eyes ore furned coIdIy owoy
--fhe consciousness fhof we possess fhe sympofhy ond offecfion
of one beinq when oII ofhers hove deserfed us--is o hoId, o sfoy,
o comforf, in fhe deepesf offIicfion, which no weoIfh couId
purchose, or power besfow. The chiId hod sof of his porenfs feef
for hours foqefher, wifh his IiffIe honds pofienfIy foIded in eoch
ofher, ond his fhin won foce roised fowords fhem. They hod seen
him pine owoy, from doy fo doy: ond fhouqh his brief exisfence
hod been o oyIess one, ond he wos now removed fo fhof peoce
ond resf which, chiId os he wos, he hod never known in fhis
worId, fhey were his porenfs, ond his Ioss sonk deep info fheir souIs.
If wos pIoin fo fhose who Iooked upon fhe mofhers oIfered
foce, fhof deofh musf soon cIose fhe scene of her odversify ond
frioI. Her husbonds feIIow-prisoners shronk from obfrudinq on
his qrief ond misery, ond Ieff fo himseIf oIone, fhe smoII room he
hod previousIy occupied in common wifh fwo componions. She
shored if wifh him: ond Iinqerinq on wifhouf poin, buf wifhouf
hope, her Iife ebbed sIowIy owoy.
She hod foinfed one eveninq in her husbonds orms, ond he
hod borne her fo fhe open window, fo revive her wifh fhe oir,
when fhe Iiqhf of fhe moon foIIinq fuII upon her foce, showed him
o chonqe upon her feofures, which mode him sfoqqer beneofh
Poqe 349
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
her weiqhf, Iike o heIpIess infonf.
"Sef me down, 0eorqe," she soid foinfIy. He did so, ond
seofinq himseIf beside her, covered his foce wifh his honds, ond
bursf info feors.
"If is very hord fo Ieove you, 0eorqe," she soid: "buf if is
0ods wiII, ond you musf beor if for my soke. Ohl how I fhonk
Him for hovinq foken our boyl He is hoppy, ond in heoven now.
Whof wouId he hove done here, wifhouf his mofherl"
"You shoII nof die, Mory, you shoII nof die:" soid fhe
husbond, sforfinq up. He poced hurriedIy fo ond fro, sfrikinq his
heod wifh his cIenched fisfs: fhen reseofinq himseIf beside her,
ond supporfinq her in his orms, odded more coImIy, "Pouse
yourseIf, my deor qirI. Proy, proy do. You wiII revive yef."
"Mever oqoin, 0eorqe: never oqoin," soid fhe dyinq womon.
"Lef fhem Ioy me by my poor boy now, buf promise me, fhof if
ever you Ieove fhis dreodfuI pIoce, ond shouId qrow rich, you wiII
hove us removed fo some quief counfry churchyord, o Ionq, Ionq
woy off--very for from here--where we con resf in peoce. Deor
0eorqe, promise me you wiII."
"I do, I do," soid fhe mon, fhrowinq himseIf possionofeIy on
his knees before her. "Speok fo me, Mory, onofher word: one
Iook--buf onel"
He ceosed fo speok: for fhe orm fhof cIosped his neck qrew
sfiff ond heovy. A deep siqh escoped from fhe wosfed form before
him: fhe Iips moved, ond o smiIe pIoyed upon fhe foce: buf fhe
Iips were poIIid, ond fhe smiIe foded info o riqid ond qhosfIy
sfore. He wos oIone in fhe worId.
Thof niqhf, in fhe siIence ond desoIofion of his miserobIe
room, fhe wrefched mon kneIf down by fhe deod body of his
wife, ond coIIed on 0od fo wifness o ferribIe oofh, fhof from fhof
hour, he devofed himseIf fo revenqe her deofh ond fhof of his
chiId: fhof fhenceforfh fo fhe Iosf momenf of his Iife, his whoIe
enerqies shouId be direcfed fo fhis one obecf: fhof his revenqe
Poqe 3b0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
shouId be profrocfed ond ferribIe: fhof his hofred shouId be
undyinq ond inexfinquishobIe: ond shouId hunf ifs obecf fhrouqh
fhe worId.
The deepesf despoir, ond possion scorceIy humon, hod mode
such fierce rovoqes on his foce ond form, in fhof one niqhf, fhof
his componions in misforfune shronk offriqhfed from him os he
possed by. His eyes were bIoodshof ond heovy, his foce o deodIy
whife, ond his body benf os if wifh oqe. He hod biffen his under
Iip neorIy fhrouqh in fhe vioIence of his menfoI sufferinq, ond fhe
bIood which hod fIowed from fhe wound hod frickIed down his
chin, ond sfoined his shirf ond neckerchief. Mo feor, or sound of
compIoinf escoped him: buf fhe unseffIed Iook, ond disordered
hosfe wifh which he poced up ond down fhe yord, denofed fhe
fever which wos burninq wifhin.
If wos necessory fhof his wifes body shouId be removed from
fhe prison, wifhouf deIoy. He received fhe communicofion wifh
perfecf coImness, ond ocquiesced in ifs propriefy. MeorIy oII fhe
inmofes of fhe prison hod ossembIed fo wifness ifs removoI: fhey
feII bock on eifher side when fhe widower oppeored: he woIked
hurriedIy forword, ond sfofioned himseIf, oIone, in o IiffIe roiIed
oreo cIose fo fhe Iodqe qofe, from whence fhe crowd, wifh on
insfincfive feeIinq of deIicocy, hod refired. The rude coffin wos
borne sIowIy forword on mens shouIders. A deod siIence pervoded
fhe fhronq, broken onIy by fhe oudibIe Iomenfofions of fhe
women, ond fhe shuffIinq sfeps of fhe beorers on fhe sfone povemenf.
They reoched fhe spof where fhe bereoved husbond sfood:
ond sfopped. He Ioid his hond upon fhe coffin, ond mechonicoIIy
odusfinq fhe poII wifh which if wos covered, mofioned fhem
onword. The furnkeys in fhe prison Iobby fook off fheir hofs os if
possed fhrouqh, ond in onofher momenf fhe heovy qofe cIosed
behind if. He Iooked voconfIy upon fhe crowd, ond feII heoviIy fo
fhe qround.
AIfhouqh for mony weeks offer fhis, he wos wofched, niqhf
ond doy, in fhe wiIdesf rovinqs of fever, neifher fhe consciousness
of his Ioss, nor fhe recoIIecfion of fhe vow he hod mode, ever Ieff
him for o momenf. Scenes chonqed before his eyes, pIoce succeeded
pIoce, ond evenf foIIowed evenf, in oII fhe hurry of
Poqe 3bI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
deIirium: buf fhey were oII connecfed in some woy wifh fhe qreof
obecf of his mind. He wos soiIinq over o boundIess exponse of
seo, wifh o bIood-red sky obove, ond fhe onqry wofers, Ioshed
info fury beneofh, boiIinq ond eddyinq up, on every side. There
wos onofher vesseI before fhem, foiIinq ond Iobourinq in fhe
howIinq sform: her convos fIufferinq in ribbons from fhe mosf,
ond her deck fhronqed wifh fiqures who were Ioshed fo fhe sides,
over which huqe woves every insfonf bursf, sweepinq owoy some
devofed creofures info fhe foominq seo. Onword fhey bore,
omidsf fhe roorinq moss of wofer, wifh o speed ond force which
nofhinq couId resisf: ond sfrikinq fhe sfem of fhe foremosf
vesseI, crushed her beneofh fheir keeI. From fhe huqe whirIpooI
which fhe sinkinq wreck occosioned, orose o shriek so Ioud ond
shriII--fhe deofh-cry of o hundred drowninq creofures, bIended
info one fierce yeII--fhof if runq for obove fhe wor-cry of fhe
eIemenfs, ond echoed, ond re-echoed fiII if seemed fo pierce oir,
sky, ond oceon. 8uf whof wos fhof--fhof oId qroy heod fhof rose
obove fhe wofers surfoce, ond wifh Iooks of oqony, ond screoms
for oid, buffefed wifh fhe wovesl One Iook, ond he hod sprunq
from fhe vesseIs side, ond wifh viqorous sfrokes wos swimminq
fowords if. He reoched if: he wos cIose upon if. They were HIS
feofures. The oId mon sow him cominq, ond voinIy sfrove fo
eIude his qrosp. 8uf he cIosped him fiqhf, ond droqqed him beneofh
fhe wofer. Down, down wifh him, fiffy fofhoms down: his
sfruqqIes qrew foinfer ond foinfer, unfiI fhey whoIIy ceosed. He
wos deod: he hod kiIIed him, ond hod kepf his oofh.
He wos froversinq fhe scorchinq sonds of o miqhfy deserf,
borefoof ond oIone. The sond choked ond bIinded him: ifs fine
fhin qroins enfered fhe very pores of his skin, ond irrifofed him
oImosf fo modness. 0iqonfic mosses of fhe some moferioI, corried
forword by fhe wind, ond shone fhrouqh by fhe burninq sun,
sfoIked in fhe disfonce Iike piIIors of Iivinq fire. The bones of
men, who hod perished in fhe dreory wosfe, Ioy scoffered of his
feef: o feorfuI Iiqhf feII on everyfhinq oround: so for os fhe eye couId
reoch, nofhinq buf obecfs of dreod ond horror presenfed fhemseIves.
VoinIy sfrivinq fo uffer o cry of ferror, wifh his fonque
cIeovinq fo his moufh, he rushed modIy forword. Armed wifh
supernofuroI sfrenqfh, he woded fhrouqh fhe sond, unfiI,
exhousfed wifh fofique ond fhirsf, he feII senseIess on fhe eorfh.
Poqe 3bZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whof froqronf cooIness revived him: whof qushinq sound wos
fhof7 Woferl If wos indeed o weII: ond fhe cIeor fresh sfreom wos
runninq of his feef. He dronk deepIy of if, ond fhrowinq his
ochinq Iimbs upon fhe bonk, sonk info o deIicious fronce. The
sound of opproochinq foofsfeps roused him. An oId qroy-heoded
mon foffered forword fo sIoke his burninq fhirsf. If wos HE oqoinl
Fe wound his orms round fhe oId mons body, ond heId him bock.
He sfruqqIed, ond shrieked for wofer--for buf one drop of wofer
fo sove his Iifel 8uf he heId fhe oId mon firmIy, ond wofched his
oqonies wifh qreedy eyes: ond when his IifeIess heod feII forword
on his bosom, he roIIed fhe corpse from him wifh his feef.
When fhe fever Ieff him, ond consciousness refurned, he
owoke fo find himseIf rich ond free, fo heor fhof fhe porenf who
wouId hove Ief him die in oiI--WOULDl who HAD Ief fhose who
were for deorer fo him fhon his own exisfence die of wonf, ond
sickness of heorf fhof medicine connof cure--hod been found
deod in his bed of down. He hod hod oII fhe heorf fo Ieove his son
o beqqor, buf proud even of his heoIfh ond sfrenqfh, hod puf off
fhe ocf fiII if wos foo Iofe, ond now miqhf qnosh his feefh in fhe
ofher worId, of fhe fhouqhf of fhe weoIfh his remissness hod Ieff
him. He owoke fo fhis, ond he owoke fo more. To recoIIecf fhe
purpose for which he Iived, ond fo remember fhof his enemy wos
his wifes own fofher--fhe mon who hod cosf him info prison,
ond who, when his douqhfer ond her chiId sued of his feef for
mercy, hod spurned fhem from his door. Oh, how he cursed fhe
weokness fhof prevenfed him from beinq up, ond ocfive, in his
scheme of venqeoncel
He coused himseIf fo be corried from fhe scene of his Ioss ond
misery, ond conveyed fo o quief residence on fhe seo-coosf: nof
in fhe hope of recoverinq his peoce of mind or hoppiness, for
bofh were fIed for ever: buf fo resfore his prosfrofe enerqies, ond
medifofe on his dorIinq obecf. And here, some eviI spirif cosf in
his woy fhe opporfunify for his firsf, mosf horribIe revenqe.
If wos summer-fime: ond wropped in his qIoomy fhouqhfs, he
wouId issue from his soIifory Iodqinqs eorIy in fhe eveninq, ond
wonderinq oIonq o norrow pofh beneofh fhe cIiffs, fo o wiId ond
IoneIy spof fhof hod sfruck his foncy in his rombIinqs, seof himseIf
on some foIIen froqmenf of fhe rock, ond buryinq his foce in his
Poqe 3b3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
honds, remoin fhere for hours--somefimes unfiI niqhf hod compIefeIy
cIosed in, ond fhe Ionq shodows of fhe frowninq cIiffs
obove his heod cosf o fhick, bIock dorkness on every obecf neor him.
He wos seofed here, one coIm eveninq, in his oId posifion, now
ond fhen roisinq his heod fo wofch fhe fIiqhf of o seo-quII, or
corry his eye oIonq fhe qIorious crimson pofh, which, commencinq
in fhe middIe of fhe oceon, seemed fo Ieod fo ifs very verqe where
fhe sun wos seffinq, when fhe profound sfiIIness of fhe spof wos
broken by o Ioud cry for heIp: he Iisfened, doubffuI of his hovinq
heord oriqhf, when fhe cry wos repeofed wifh even qreofer
vehemence fhon before, ond, sforfinq fo his feef, he hosfened in
fhe direcfion whence if proceeded.
The foIe foId ifseIf of once: some scoffered qormenfs Ioy on
fhe beoch: o humon heod wos usf visibIe obove fhe woves of o
IiffIe disfonce from fhe shore: ond on oId mon, wrinqinq his
honds in oqony, wos runninq fo ond fro, shriekinq for ossisfonce.
The invoIid, whose sfrenqfh wos now sufficienfIy resfored, fhrew
off his coof, ond rushed fowords fhe seo, wifh fhe infenfion of
pIunqinq in, ond droqqinq fhe drowninq mon oshore.
"Hosfen here, Sir, in 0ods nome: heIp, heIp, sir, for fhe Iove
of Heoven. He is my son, Sir, my onIy sonl" soid fhe oId mon
fronficoIIy, os he odvonced fo meef him. "My onIy son, Sir, ond
he is dyinq before his fofhers eyesl"
Af fhe firsf word fhe oId mon uffered, fhe sfronqer checked
himseIf in his coreer, ond, foIdinq his orms, sfood perfecfIy mofionIess.
"0reof 0odl" excIoimed fhe oId mon, recoiIinq, "HeyIinql"
The sfronqer smiIed, ond wos siIenf.
"HeyIinql" soid fhe oId mon wiIdIy: "my boy, HeyIinq, my
deor boy, Iook, Iookl" 0ospinq for breofh, fhe miserobIe fofher
poinfed fo fhe spof where fhe younq mon wos sfruqqIinq for Iife.
"Horkl" soid fhe oId mon. "He cries once more. He is oIive
yef. HeyIinq, sove him, sove himl"
Poqe 3b4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The sfronqer smiIed oqoin, ond remoined immovobIe os o sfofue.
"I hove wronqed you," shrieked fhe oId mon, foIIinq on his
knees, ond cIospinq his honds foqefher. "8e revenqed: foke my oII,
my Iife: cosf me info fhe wofer of your feef, ond, if humon nofure
con repress o sfruqqIe, I wiII die, wifhouf sfirrinq hond or foof.
Do if, HeyIinq, do if, buf sove my boy: he is so younq, HeyIinq,
so younq fo diel"
"Lisfen," soid fhe sfronqer, qrospinq fhe oId mon fierceIy by
fhe wrisf: "I wiII hove Iife for Iife, ond here is OME. MY chiId died,
before his fofhers eyes, o for more oqonisinq ond poinfuI deofh
fhon fhof younq sIonderer of his sisfers worfh is meefinq whiIe I
speok. You Iouqhed--Iouqhed in your douqhfers foce, where
deofh hod oIreody sef his hond--of our sufferinqs, fhen. Whof
fhink you of fhem nowl See fhere, see fherel"
As fhe sfronqer spoke, he poinfed fo fhe seo. A foinf cry died
owoy upon ifs surfoce: fhe Iosf powerfuI sfruqqIe of fhe dyinq
mon oqifofed fhe rippIinq woves for o few seconds: ond fhe spof
where he hod qone down info his eorIy qrove, wos undisfinquishobIe
from fhe surroundinq wofer.
Three yeors hod eIopsed, when o qenfIemon oIiqhfed from o
privofe corrioqe of fhe door of o London offorney, fhen weII
known os o mon of no qreof nicefy in his professionoI deoIinqs,
ond requesfed o privofe inferview on business of imporfonce.
AIfhouqh evidenfIy nof posf fhe prime of Iife, his foce wos poIe,
hoqqord, ond deecfed: ond if did nof require fhe ocufe percepfion
of fhe mon of business, fo discern of o qIonce, fhof diseose or
sufferinq hod done more fo work o chonqe in his oppeoronce,
fhon fhe mere hond of fime couId hove occompIished in fwice fhe
period of his whoIe Iife.
"I wish you fo underfoke some IeqoI business for me," soid
fhe sfronqer.
The offorney bowed obsequiousIy, ond qIonced of o Iorqe
pockef which fhe qenfIemon corried in his hond. His visifor
observed fhe Iook, ond proceeded.
Poqe 3bb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"If is no common business," soid he: "nor hove fhese popers
reoched my honds wifhouf Ionq froubIe ond qreof expense."
The offorney cosf o sfiII more onxious Iook of fhe pockef: ond
his visifor, unfyinq fhe sfrinq fhof bound if, discIosed o quonfify
of promissory nofes, wifh copies of deeds, ond ofher documenfs.
"Upon fhese popers," soid fhe cIienf, "fhe mon whose nome
fhey beor, hos roised, os you wiII see, Iorqe sums of money, for
yeors posf. There wos o focif undersfondinq befween him ond fhe
men info whose honds fhey oriqinoIIy wenf--ond from whom I
hove by deqrees purchosed fhe whoIe, for frebIe ond quodrupIe
fheir nominoI voIue--fhof fhese Ioons shouId be from fime fo
fime renewed, unfiI o qiven period hod eIopsed. Such on
undersfondinq is nowhere expressed. He hos susfoined mony Iosses of
Iofe: ond fhese obIiqofions occumuIofinq upon him of once,
wouId crush him fo fhe eorfh."
"The whoIe omounf is mony fhousonds of pounds," soid fhe
offorney, Iookinq over fhe popers.
"If is," soid fhe cIienf.
"Whof ore we fo do7" inquired fhe mon of business.
"Dol" repIied fhe cIienf, wifh sudden vehemence. "Puf every
enqine of fhe Iow in force, every frick fhof inqenuify con devise
ond roscoIify execufe: foir meons ond fouI: fhe open oppression
of fhe Iow, oided by oII fhe croff of ifs mosf inqenious procfifioners.
I wouId hove him die o horossinq ond Iinqerinq deofh. Puin
him, seize ond seII his Ionds ond qoods, drive him from house ond
home, ond droq him forfh o beqqor in his oId oqe, fo die in o
common oiI."
"8uf fhe cosfs, my deor Sir, fhe cosfs of oII fhis," reosoned fhe
offorney, when he hod recovered from his momenfory surprise.
"If fhe defendonf be o mon of sfrow, who is fo poy fhe cosfs, Sir7"
"Mome ony sum," soid fhe sfronqer, his hond frembIinq
Poqe 3bo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
so vioIenfIy wifh excifemenf, fhof he couId scorceIy hoId fhe
pen he seized os he spoke--"ony sum, ond if is yours. Donf be
ofroid fo nome if, mon. I shoII nof fhink if deor, if you qoin
my obecf."
The offorney nomed o Iorqe sum, of hozord, os fhe odvonce he
shouId require fo secure himseIf oqoinsf fhe possibiIify of Ioss:
buf more wifh fhe view of oscerfoininq how for his cIienf wos
reoIIy disposed fo qo, fhon wifh ony ideo fhof he wouId compIy
wifh fhe demond. The sfronqer wrofe o cheque upon his bonker,
for fhe whoIe omounf, ond Ieff him.
The droff wos duIy honoured, ond fhe offorney, findinq fhof
his sfronqe cIienf miqhf be sofeIy reIied upon, commenced his
work in eornesf. For more fhon fwo yeors offerwords, Mr.
HeyIinq wouId sif whoIe doys foqefher, in fhe office, porinq over
fhe popers os fhey occumuIofed, ond reodinq oqoin ond oqoin, his
eyes qIeominq wifh oy, fhe Ieffers of remonsfronce, fhe proyers
for o IiffIe deIoy, fhe represenfofions of fhe cerfoin ruin in which
fhe opposife porfy musf be invoIved, which poured in, os suif offer
suif, ond process offer process, wos commenced. To oII oppIicofions
for o brief induIqence, fhere wos buf one repIy--fhe money
musf be poid. Lond, house, furnifure, eoch in ifs furn, wos foken
under some one of fhe numerous execufions which were issued:
ond fhe oId mon himseIf wouId hove been immured in prison hod
he nof escoped fhe viqiIonce of fhe officers, ond fIed.
The impIocobIe onimosify of HeyIinq, so for from beinq sofiofed
by fhe success of his persecufion, increosed o hundredfoId wifh
fhe ruin he infIicfed. On beinq informed of fhe oId mons fIiqhf,
his fury wos unbounded. He qnoshed his feefh wifh roqe, fore fhe
hoir from his heod, ond ossoiIed wifh horrid imprecofions fhe
men who hod been infrusfed wifh fhe wrif. He wos onIy resfored
fo comporofive coImness by repeofed ossuronces of fhe cerfoinfy
of discoverinq fhe fuqifive. Aqenfs were senf in quesf of him, in
oII direcfions: every sfrofoqem fhof couId be invenfed wos
resorfed fo, for fhe purpose of discoverinq his pIoce of refreof:
buf if wos oII in voin. HoIf o yeor hod possed over, ond he wos
sfiII undiscovered.
Poqe 3b7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Af Ienqfh Iofe one niqhf, HeyIinq, of whom nofhinq hod been
seen for mony weeks before, oppeored of his offorneys privofe
residence, ond senf up word fhof o qenfIemon wished fo see him
insfonfIy. 8efore fhe offorney, who hod recoqnised his voice from
obove sfoirs, couId order fhe servonf fo odmif him, he hod rushed
up fhe sfoircose, ond enfered fhe drowinq-room poIe ond breofhIess.
Hovinq cIosed fhe door, fo prevenf beinq overheord, he sonk
info o choir, ond soid, in o Iow voice--
"Hushl I hove found him of Iosf."
"Mol" soid fhe offorney. "WeII done, my deor sir, weII done."
"He Iies conceoIed in o wrefched Iodqinq in Comden Town,"
soid HeyIinq. "Perhops if is os weII we DID Iose siqhf of him, for he
hos been Iivinq oIone fhere, in fhe mosf obecf misery, oII fhe
fime, ond he is poor--very poor."
"Very qood," soid fhe offorney. "You wiII hove fhe copfion
mode fo-morrow, of course7"
"Yes," repIied HeyIinq. "Sfoyl Mol The nexf doy. You ore
surprised of my wishinq fo posfpone if," he odded, wifh o qhosfIy
smiIe: "buf I hod forqoffen. The nexf doy is on onniversory in his
Iife: Ief if be done fhen."
"Very qood," soid fhe offorney. "WiII you wrife down
insfrucfions for fhe officer7"
"Mo: Ief him meef me here, of eiqhf in fhe eveninq, ond I wiII
occompony him myseIf."
They mef on fhe oppoinfed niqhf, ond, hirinq o hockney-
cooch, direcfed fhe driver fo sfop of fhof corner of fhe oId
Poncros Pood, of which sfonds fhe porish workhouse. 8y fhe
fime fhey oIiqhfed fhere, if wos quife dork: ond, proceedinq by
fhe deod woII in fronf of fhe Veferinory HospifoI, fhey enfered o
smoII by-sfreef, which is, or wos of fhof fime, coIIed LiffIe CoIIeqe
Sfreef, ond which, whofever if moy be now, wos in fhose doys o
desoIofe pIoce enouqh, surrounded by IiffIe eIse fhon fieIds ond difches.
Poqe 3b8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Hovinq drown fhe froveIIinq-cop he hod on hoIf over his foce,
ond muffIed himseIf in his cIook, HeyIinq sfopped before fhe
meonesf-Iookinq house in fhe sfreef, ond knocked qenfIy of fhe
door. If wos of once opened by o womon, who dropped o curfsey
of recoqnifion, ond HeyIinq, whisperinq fhe officer fo remoin
beIow, crepf qenfIy upsfoirs, ond, openinq fhe door of fhe fronf
room, enfered of once.
The obecf of his seorch ond his unreIenfinq onimosify, now o
decrepif oId mon, wos seofed of o bore deoI fobIe, on which sfood
o miserobIe condIe. He sforfed on fhe enfronce of fhe sfronqer,
ond rose feebIy fo his feef.
"Whof now, whof now7" soid fhe oId mon. "Whof fresh
misery is fhis7 Whof do you wonf here7"
"A word wifh YOU," repIied HeyIinq. As he spoke, he seofed
himseIf of fhe ofher end of fhe fobIe, ond, fhrowinq off his cIook
ond cop, discIosed his feofures.
The oId mon seemed insfonfIy deprived of speech. He feII
bockword in his choir, ond, cIospinq his honds foqefher, qozed on
fhe opporifion wifh o minqIed Iook of obhorrence ond feor.
"This doy six yeors," soid HeyIinq, "I cIoimed fhe Iife you
owed me for my chiIds. 8eside fhe IifeIess form of your douqhfer,
oId mon, I swore fo Iive o Iife of revenqe. I hove never swerved
from my purpose for o momenfs spoce: buf if I hod, one fhouqhf
of her uncompIoininq, sufferinq Iook, os she drooped owoy, or of
fhe sforvinq foce of our innocenf chiId, wouId hove nerved me fo
my fosk. My firsf ocf of requifoI you weII remember: fhis is my
Iosf."
The oId mon shivered, ond his honds dropped powerIess by
his side.
"I Ieove EnqIond fo-morrow," soid HeyIinq, offer o momenfs
pouse. "To-niqhf I consiqn you fo fhe Iivinq deofh fo which you
devofed her--o hopeIess prison--"
Poqe 3b9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
He roised his eyes fo fhe oId mons counfenonce, ond poused.
He Iiffed fhe Iiqhf fo his foce, sef if qenfIy down, ond Ieff fhe
oporfmenf.
"You hod beffer see fo fhe oId mon," he soid fo fhe womon, os
he opened fhe door, ond mofioned fhe officer fo foIIow him info
fhe sfreef. "I fhink he is iII." The womon cIosed fhe door, ron
hosfiIy upsfoirs, ond found him IifeIess.
8eneofh o pIoin qrovesfone, in one of fhe mosf peocefuI ond
secIuded churchyords in Ienf, where wiId fIowers minqIe wifh
fhe qross, ond fhe soff Iondscope oround forms fhe foiresf spof in
fhe qorden of EnqIond, Iie fhe bones of fhe younq mofher ond her
qenfIe chiId. 8uf fhe oshes of fhe fofher do nof minqIe wifh fheirs:
nor, from fhof niqhf forword, did fhe offorney ever qoin fhe
remofesf cIue fo fhe subsequenf hisfory of his queer cIienf.
As fhe oId mon concIuded his foIe, he odvonced fo o peq in one
corner, ond fokinq down his hof ond coof, puf fhem on wifh
qreof deIiberofion: ond, wifhouf soyinq onofher word, woIked
sIowIy owoy. As fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe Mosoic sfuds hod foIIen
osIeep, ond fhe moor porf of fhe compony were deepIy occupied
in fhe humorous process of droppinq meIfed foIIow-qreose info
his brondy-ond-wofer, Mr. Pickwick deporfed unnoficed, ond
hovinq seffIed his own score, ond fhof of Mr. WeIIer, issued forfh,
in compony wifh fhof qenfIemon, from beneofh fhe porfoI of fhe
Moqpie ond Sfump.
CHAPTEP XXII
Mr. PICIWICI JOUPMEYS TO IPSWICH AMD MEETS WITH
A POMAMTIC ADVEMTUPE WITH A MIDDLE-A0ED LADY
IM YELLOW CUPL-PAPEPS
Thof ere your qovernors Iuqqoqe, Sommy7 inquired Mr. WeIIer of
his offecfionofe son, os he enfered fhe yord of fhe 8uII Inn,
WhifechopeI, wifh o froveIIinq-boq ond o smoII porfmonfeou.
Poqe 3o0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You miqhf ho mode o worser quess fhon fhof, oId feIIer,
repIied Mr. WeIIer fhe younqer, seffinq down his burden in fhe
yord, ond siffinq himseIf down upon if offerwords. The qovernor
hisseIfII be down here presenfIy.
Hes o-cobbin if, I suppose7 soid fhe fofher.
Yes, hes o hovin fwo miIe o donqer of eiqhf-pence, responded
fhe son. Hows mofher-in-Iow fhis mornin7
Cueer, Sommy, queer, repIied fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, wifh
impressive qrovify. Shes been qeffin royfher in fhe MefhodisficoI
order IofeIy, Sommy: ond she is uncommon pious, fo be sure.
Shes foo qood o creefur for me, Sommy. I feeI I donf deserve her.
Ah, soid Mr. SomueI. fhofs wery seIf-denyin o you.
Wery, repIied his porenf, wifh o siqh. Shes qof hoId o some
inwenfion for qrown-up peopIe beinq born oqoin, Sommy--fhe
new birfh, I fhink fhey coIIs if. I shouId wery much Iike fo see fhof
sysfem in hocfion, Sommy. I shouId wery much Iike fo see your
mofher-in-Iow born oqoin. WouIdnf I puf her ouf fo nursel
Whof do you fhink fhem women does fofher doy, confinued
Mr. WeIIer, offer o shorf pouse, durinq which he hod siqnificonfIy
sfruck fhe side of his nose wifh his forefinqer some hoIf-dozen
fimes. Whof do you fhink fhey does, fofher doy, Sommy7
Donf know, repIied Som, whof7
0oes ond qefs up o qrond feo drinkin for o feIIer fhey coIIs
fheir shepherd, soid Mr. WeIIer. I wos o-sfondinq sforin in of
fhe picfur shop down of our pIoce, when I sees o IiffIe biII obouf
if: "fickefs hoIf-o-crown. AII oppIicofions fo be mode fo fhe
commiffee. Secrefory, Mrs. WeIIer": ond when I qof home fhere
wos fhe commiffee o-siffin in our bock porIour. Fourfeen women:
I wish you couId ho heord em, Sommy. There fhey wos,
o-possin resoIufions, ond wofin suppIies, ond oII sorfs o qomes.
WeII, whof wifh your mofher-in-Iow o-worryinq me fo qo, ond
Poqe 3oI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
whof wifh my Iookinq forord fo seein some queer sforfs if I did,
I puf my nome down for o fickef: of six ocIock on fhe Fridoy
evenin I dresses myseIf ouf wery smorf, ond off I qoes wifh fhe
oId oomon, ond up we woIks info o fusf-fIoor where fhere wos
feo-fhinqs for fhirfy, ond o whoIe Iof o women os beqins
whisperin fo one onofher, ond Iookin of me, os if fheyd never
seen o royfher sfouf qenImn of eiqhf-ond-fiffy ofore. 8y ond by,
fhere comes o qreof busfIe downsfoirs, ond o Ionky chop wifh o
red nose ond o whife neckcIofh rushes up, ond sinqs ouf, "Heres
fhe shepherd o-cominq fo wisif his foifhfuI fIock:" ond in comes
o fof chop in bIock, vifh o qreof whife foce, o-smiIin ovoy Iike
cIockwork. Such qoins on, Sommyl "The kiss of peoce," soys fhe
shepherd: ond fhen he kissed fhe women oII round, ond ven hed
done, fhe mon vifh fhe red nose beqon. I wos usf o-fhinkin
whefher I hodnf beffer beqin foo--specioIIy os fhere wos o wery
nice Iody o-siffin nexf me--ven in comes fhe feo, ond your
mofher-in-Iow, os hod been mokin fhe keffIe biIe downsfoirs. Af
if fhey wenf, foofh ond noiI. Such o precious Ioud hymn, Sommy,
whiIe fhe feo wos o brewinq: such o qroce, such eofin ond
drinkinl I wish you couId ho seen fhe shepherd woIkin info fhe
hom ond muffins. I never see such o chop fo eof ond drink--
never. The red-nosed mon wornf by no meons fhe sorf of person
youd Iike fo qrub by confrocf, buf he wos nofhin fo fhe shepherd.
WeII: orfer fhe feo wos over, fhey sonq onofher hymn, ond
fhen fhe shepherd beqon fo preoch: ond wery weII he did if,
considerin how heovy fhem muffins musf hove Iied on his chesf.
PresenfIy he puIIs up, oII of o sudden, ond hoIIers ouf, "Where is
fhe sinner: where is fhe misrobIe sinner7" Upon which, oII fhe
women Iooked of me, ond beqon fo qroon os if fhey wos o-dyinq.
I fhouqhf if wos rofher sinqIer, buf howsoever, I soys nofhinq.
PresenfIy he puIIs up oqoin, ond Iookin wery hord of me, soys,
"Where is fhe sinner: where is fhe misrobIe sinner7" ond oII fhe
women qroons oqoin, fen fimes Iouder fhon ofore. I qof rofher
sovoqe of fhis, so I fokes o sfep or fwo forord ond soys, "My
friend," soys I, "did you oppIy fhof ere obserwofion fo me7"
Sfeod of beqqin my pordon os ony qenImn wouId ho done,
he qof more obusive fhon ever:--coIIed me o wesseI, Sommy--o
wesseI of wrofh--ond oII sorfs o nomes. So my bIood beinq
reqIorIy up, I firsf qove him fwo or fhree for himseIf, ond fhen
fwo or fhree more fo hond over fo fhe mon wifh fhe red nose,
Poqe 3oZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond woIked off. I wish you couId ho heord how fhe women
screomed, Sommy, ven fhey picked up fhe shepherd from underneofh
fhe fobIe--HoIIol heres fhe qovernor, fhe size of Iife.
As Mr. WeIIer spoke, Mr. Pickwick dismounfed from o cob,
ond enfered fhe yord.
Fine mornin, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, senior.
8eoufifuI indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
8eoufifuI indeed, echoes o red-hoired mon wifh on inquisifive
nose ond qreen specfocIes, who hod unpocked himseIf from o cob
of fhe some momenf os Mr. Pickwick. 0oinq fo Ipswich, Sir7
I om, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Exfroordinory coincidence. So om I.
Mr. Pickwick bowed.
0oinq oufside7 soid fhe red-hoired mon.
Mr. Pickwick bowed oqoin.
8Iess my souI, how remorkobIe--I om qoinq oufside, foo, soid
fhe red-hoired mon: we ore posifiveIy qoinq foqefher. And fhe
red-hoired mon, who wos on imporfonf-Iookinq, shorp-nosed,
mysferious-spoken personoqe, wifh o bird-Iike hobif of qivinq his
heod o erk every fime he soid onyfhinq, smiIed os if he hod mode
one of fhe sfronqesf discoveries fhof ever feII fo fhe Iof of
humon wisdom.
I om hoppy in fhe prospecf of your compony, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, soid fhe new-comer, ifs o qood fhinq for bofh of us,
isnf if7 Compony, you see--compony--is--is--ifs o very
differenf fhinq from soIifude--oinf if7
Theres no denyinq fhof ere, soid Mr. WeIIer, oininq in fhe
conversofion, wifh on offobIe smiIe. Thofs whof I coII o seIf-
evidenf proposifion, os fhe doqs-meof mon soid, when fhe
Poqe 3o3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
housemoid foId him he wornf o qenfIemon.
Ah, soid fhe red-hoired mon, surveyinq Mr. WeIIer from heod
fo foof wifh o superciIious Iook. Friend of yours, sir7
Mof exocfIy o friend, repIied Mr. Pickwick, in o Iow fone.
The focf is, he is my servonf, buf I oIIow him fo foke o qood mony
Iiberfies: for, befween ourseIves, I fIoffer myseIf he is on oriqinoI,
ond I om rofher proud of him.
Ah, soid fhe red-hoired mon, fhof, you see, is o moffer of
fosfe. I om nof fond of onyfhinq oriqinoI: I donf Iike if: donf see
fhe necessify for if. Whofs your nome, sir7
Here is my cord, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, much omused by
fhe obrupfness of fhe quesfion, ond fhe sinquIor monner of fhe sfronqer.
Ah, soid fhe red-hoired mon, pIocinq fhe cord in his pockef-
book, Pickwick: very qood. I Iike fo know o mons nome, if
soves so much froubIe. Thofs my cord, sir. Moqnus, you wiII
perceive, sir--Moqnus is my nome. Ifs rofher o qood nome, I
fhink, sir.
A very qood nome, indeed, soid Mr. Pickwick, whoIIy unobIe
fo repress o smiIe.
Yes, I fhink if is, resumed Mr. Moqnus. Theres o qood
nome before if, foo, you wiII observe. Permif me, sir--if you hoId
fhe cord o IiffIe sIonfinq, fhis woy, you cofch fhe Iiqhf upon fhe
up-sfroke. There--Pefer Moqnus--sounds weII, I fhink, sir.
Very, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Curious circumsfonce obouf fhose inifioIs, sir, soid Mr.
Moqnus. You wiII observe--P.M.--posf meridion. In hosfy
nofes fo infimofe ocquoinfonce, I somefimes siqn myseIf "Affernoon."
If omuses my friends very much, Mr. Pickwick.
If is coIcuIofed fo offord fhem fhe hiqhesf qrofificofion, I
shouId conceive, soid Mr. Pickwick, rofher envyinq fhe eose wifh
Poqe 3o4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which Mr. Moqnuss friends were enferfoined.
Mow, qenImn, soid fhe hosfIer, cooch is reody, if you pIeose.
Is oII my Iuqqoqe in7 inquired Mr. Moqnus.
AII riqhf, sir.
Is fhe red boq in7
AII riqhf, Sir.
And fhe sfriped boq7
Fore boof, Sir.
And fhe brown-poper porceI7
Under fhe seof, Sir.
And fhe Ieofher hof-box7
Theyre oII in, Sir.
Mow, wiII you qef up7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Excuse me, repIied Moqnus, sfondinq on fhe wheeI. Excuse
me, Mr. Pickwick. I connof consenf fo qef up, in fhis sfofe of
uncerfoinfy. I om quife sofisfied from fhof mons monner, fhof fhe
Ieofher hof-box is nof in.
The soIemn profesfofions of fhe hosfIer beinq whoIIy
unovoiIinq, fhe Ieofher hof-box wos obIiqed fo be roked up from fhe
Iowesf depfh of fhe boof, fo sofisfy him fhof if hod been sofeIy
pocked: ond offer he hod been ossured on fhis heod, he feIf o
soIemn presenfimenf, firsf, fhof fhe red boq wos misIoid, ond
nexf fhof fhe sfriped boq hod been sfoIen, ond fhen fhof fhe
brown-poper porceI hod come unfied. Af Ienqfh when he hod
received ocuIor demonsfrofion of fhe qroundIess nofure of eoch
ond every of fhese suspicions, he consenfed fo cIimb up fo fhe
Poqe 3ob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
roof of fhe cooch, observinq fhof now he hod foken everyfhinq
off his mind, he feIf quife comforfobIe ond hoppy.
Youre qiven fo nervousness, oinf you, Sir7 inquired Mr.
WeIIer, senior, eyeinq fhe sfronqer oskonce, os he mounfed fo his pIoce.
Yes: I oIwoys om rofher obouf fhese IiffIe moffers, soid fhe
sfronqer, buf I om oII riqhf now--quife riqhf.
WeII, fhofs o bIessin, soid Mr. WeIIer. Sommy, heIp your
mosfer up fo fhe box: fofher Ieq, Sir, fhofs if: qive us your hond,
Sir. Up wifh you. You wos o Iiqhfer weiqhf when you wos o boy, sir.
True enouqh, fhof, Mr. WeIIer, soid fhe breofhIess Mr.
Pickwick qood-humouredIy, os he fook his seof on fhe box beside him.
Jump up in fronf, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer. Mow ViIIom, run
em ouf. Toke core o fhe orchvoy, qenImn. "Heods," os fhe
piemon soys. ThofII do, ViIIom. Lef em oIone. And owoy wenf
fhe cooch up WhifechopeI, fo fhe odmirofion of fhe whoIe
popuIofion of fhof preffy denseIy popuIofed quorfer.
Mof o wery nice neiqhbourhood, fhis, Sir, soid Som, wifh o
fouch of fhe hof, which oIwoys preceded his enferinq info
conversofion wifh his mosfer.
If is nof indeed, Som, repIied Mr. Pickwick, surveyinq fhe
crowded ond fiIfhy sfreef fhrouqh which fhey were possinq.
Ifs o wery remorkobIe circumsfonce, Sir, soid Som, fhof
poverfy ond oysfers oIwoys seem fo qo foqefher.
I donf undersfond you, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Whof I meon, sir, soid Som, is, fhof fhe poorer o pIoce is, fhe
qreofer coII fhere seems fo be for oysfers. Look here, sir: heres
o oysfer-sfoII fo every hoIf-dozen houses. The sfreefs Iined vifh
em. 8Iessed if I donf fhink fhof ven o mons wery poor,
he rushes ouf of his Iodqinqs, ond eofs oysfers in reqIor desperofion.
To be sure he does, soid Mr. WeIIer, senior: ond ifs usf fhe
Poqe 3oo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
some vifh pickIed soImonl
Those ore fwo very remorkobIe focfs, which never occurred fo
me before, soid Mr. Pickwick. The very firsf pIoce we sfop of,
III moke o nofe of fhem.
8y fhis fime fhey hod reoched fhe furnpike of MiIe End: o
profound siIence prevoiIed unfiI fhey hod qof fwo or fhree miIes
forfher on, when Mr. WeIIer, senior, furninq suddenIy fo Mr.
Pickwick, soid--
Wery queer Iife is o pike-keepers, sir.
A whof7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
A pike-keeper.
Whof do you meon by o pike-keeper7 inquired Mr. Pefer Moqnus.
The oId un meons o furnpike-keeper, qenImn, observed
Mr. SomueI WeIIer, in expIonofion.
Oh, soid Mr. Pickwick, I see. Yes: very curious Iife.
Very uncomforfobIe.
Theyre oII on em men os hos mef vifh some disoppoinfmenf
in Iife, soid Mr. WeIIer, senior.
Ay, oy, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Yes. Consequence of vich, fhey refires from fhe worId, ond
shufs fhemseIves up in pikes: porfIy wifh fhe view of beinq
soIifory, ond porfIy fo rewenqe fhemseIves on monkind by fokin foIIs.
Deor me, soid Mr. Pickwick, I never knew fhof before.
Focf, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer: if fhey wos qenImn, youd
coII em misonfhropes, buf os if is, fhey onIy fokes fo pike-keepin.
Wifh such conversofion, possessinq fhe inesfimobIe chorm of
Poqe 3o7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
bIendinq omusemenf wifh insfrucfion, did Mr. WeIIer bequiIe fhe
fediousness of fhe ourney, durinq fhe qreofer porf of fhe doy.
Topics of conversofion were never wonfinq, for even when ony
pouse occurred in Mr. WeIIers Ioquocify, if wos obundonfIy
suppIied by fhe desire evinced by Mr. Moqnus fo moke himseIf
ocquoinfed wifh fhe whoIe of fhe personoI hisfory of his feIIow-
froveIIers, ond his IoudIy-expressed onxiefy of every sfoqe,
respecfinq fhe sofefy ond weII-beinq of fhe fwo boqs, fhe Ieofher
hof-box, ond fhe brown-poper porceI.
In fhe moin sfreef of Ipswich, on fhe Ieff-hond side of fhe woy,
o shorf disfonce offer you hove possed fhrouqh fhe open spoce
fronfinq fhe Town HoII, sfonds on inn known for ond wide by fhe
oppeIIofion of fhe 0reof Whife Horse, rendered fhe more
conspicuous by o sfone sfofue of some rompocious onimoI wifh
fIowinq mone ond foiI, disfonfIy resembIinq on insone corf-horse,
which is eIevofed obove fhe principoI door. The 0reof Whife
Horse is fomous in fhe neiqhbourhood, in fhe some deqree os o
prize ox, or o counfy-poper-chronicIed furnip, or unwieIdy piq--
for ifs enormous size. Mever wos such Iobyrinfhs of uncorpefed
possoqes, such cIusfers of mouIdy, iII-Iiqhfed rooms, such huqe
numbers of smoII dens for eofinq or sIeepinq in, beneofh ony one
roof, os ore coIIecfed foqefher befween fhe four woIIs of fhe
0reof Whife Horse of Ipswich.
If wos of fhe door of fhis overqrown fovern fhof fhe London
cooch sfopped, of fhe some hour every eveninq: ond if wos from
fhis some London cooch fhof Mr. Pickwick, Som WeIIer, ond
Mr. Pefer Moqnus dismounfed, on fhe porficuIor eveninq fo
which fhis chopfer of our hisfory beors reference.
Do you sfop here, sir7 inquired Mr. Pefer Moqnus, when fhe
sfriped boq, ond fhe red boq, ond fhe brown-poper porceI, ond fhe
Ieofher hof-box, hod oII been deposifed in fhe possoqe. Do you
sfop here, sir7
I do, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Deor me, soid Mr. Moqnus, I never knew onyfhinq Iike fhese
exfroordinory coincidences. Why, I sfop here foo. I hope we
Poqe 3o8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
dine foqefher7
Wifh pIeosure, repIied Mr. Pickwick. I om nof quife cerfoin
whefher I hove ony friends here or nof, fhouqh. Is fhere ony
qenfIemon of fhe nome of Tupmon here, woifer7
A corpuIenf mon, wifh o forfniqhfs nopkin under his orm, ond
coevoI sfockinqs on his Ieqs, sIowIy desisfed from his occupofion
of sforinq down fhe sfreef, on fhis quesfion beinq puf fo him by
Mr. Pickwick: ond, offer minufeIy inspecfinq fhof qenfIemons
oppeoronce, from fhe crown of his hof fo fhe Iowesf buffon of his
qoifers, repIied emphoficoIIy--
Mol
Mor ony qenfIemon of fhe nome of Snodqross7 inquired
Mr. Pickwick.
Mol
Mor WinkIe7
Mol
My friends hove nof orrived fo-doy, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
We wiII dine oIone, fhen. Show us o privofe room, woifer.
On fhis requesf beinq preferred, fhe corpuIenf mon
condescended fo order fhe boofs fo brinq in fhe qenfIemens Iuqqoqe:
ond precedinq fhem down o Ionq, dork possoqe, ushered fhem
info o Iorqe, bodIy-furnished oporfmenf, wifh o dirfy qrofe, in
which o smoII fire wos mokinq o wrefched offempf fo be cheerfuI,
buf wos fosf sinkinq beneofh fhe dispirifinq infIuence of fhe pIoce.
Affer fhe Iopse of on hour, o bif of fish ond o sfeok wos served up
fo fhe froveIIers, ond when fhe dinner wos cIeored owoy, Mr.
Pickwick ond Mr. Pefer Moqnus drew fheir choirs up fo fhe fire,
ond hovinq ordered o boffIe of fhe worsf possibIe porf wine, of
fhe hiqhesf possibIe price, for fhe qood of fhe house, dronk
brondy-ond-wofer for fheir own.
Poqe 3o9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pefer Moqnus wos nofuroIIy of o very communicofive
disposifion, ond fhe brondy-ond-wofer operofed wifh wonderfuI
effecf in worminq info Iife fhe deepesf hidden secrefs of his
bosom. Affer sundry occounfs of himseIf, his fomiIy, his connecfions,
his friends, his okes, his business, ond his brofhers (mosf
foIkofive men hove o qreof deoI fo soy obouf fheir brofhers),
Mr. Pefer Moqnus fook o view of Mr. Pickwick fhrouqh his
coIoured specfocIes for severoI minufes, ond fhen soid, wifh on
oir of modesfy--
And whof do you fhink--whof DO you fhink, Mr. Pickwick--I
hove come down here for7
Upon my word, soid Mr. Pickwick, if is whoIIy impossibIe
for me fo quess: on business, perhops.
PorfIy riqhf, Sir, repIied Mr. Pefer Moqnus, buf porfIy wronq
of fhe some fime: fry oqoin, Mr. Pickwick.
PeoIIy, soid Mr. Pickwick, I musf fhrow myseIf on your
mercy, fo feII me or nof, os you moy fhink besf: for I shouId never
quess, if I were fo fry oII niqhf.
Why, fhen, he-he-hel soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus, wifh o
boshfuI fiffer, whof shouId you fhink, Mr. Pickwick, if I hod
come down here fo moke o proposoI, Sir, eh7 He, he, hel
Thinkl Thof you ore very IikeIy fo succeed, repIied Mr.
Pickwick, wifh one of his beominq smiIes.
Ahl soid Mr. Moqnus. 8uf do you reoIIy fhink so, Mr.
Pickwick7 Do you, fhouqh7
CerfoinIy, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mo: buf youre okinq, fhouqh.
I om nof, indeed.
Why, fhen, soid Mr. Moqnus, fo Ief you info o IiffIe secref, I
fhink so foo. I donf mind feIIinq you, Mr. Pickwick, oIfhouqh
Poqe 370
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Im dreodfuI eoIous by nofure--horrid--fhof fhe Iody is in fhis
house. Here Mr. Moqnus fook off his specfocIes, on purpose fo
wink, ond fhen puf fhem on oqoin.
Thofs whof you were runninq ouf of fhe room for, before
dinner, fhen, so offen, soid Mr. Pickwick orchIy.
Hushl Yes, youre riqhf, fhof wos if: nof such o fooI os fo see
her, fhouqh.
Mol
Mo: wouIdnf do, you know, offer hovinq usf come off o
ourney. Woif fiII fo-morrow, sir: doubIe fhe chonce fhen. Mr.
Pickwick, Sir, fhere is o suif of cIofhes in fhof boq, ond o hof in
fhof box, which, I expecf, in fhe effecf fhey wiII produce, wiII be
invoIuobIe fo me, sir.
Indeedl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Yes: you musf hove observed my onxiefy obouf fhem fo-doy.
I do nof beIieve fhof such onofher suif of cIofhes, ond such o hof,
couId be bouqhf for money, Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Pickwick conqrofuIofed fhe forfunofe owner of fhe
irresisfibIe qormenfs on fheir ocquisifion: ond Mr. Pefer Moqnus
remoined o few momenfs opporenfIy obsorbed in confempIofion.
Shes o fine creofure, soid Mr. Moqnus.
Is she7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Very, soid Mr. Moqnus. very. She Iives obouf fwenfy miIes
from here, Mr. Pickwick. I heord she wouId be here fo-niqhf ond
oII fo-morrow forenoon, ond come down fo seize fhe opporfunify.
I fhink on inn is o qood sorf of o pIoce fo propose fo o sinqIe
womon in, Mr. Pickwick. She is more IikeIy fo feeI fhe IoneIiness
of her sifuofion in froveIIinq, perhops, fhon she wouId be of home.
Whof do you fhink, Mr. Pickwick7
I fhink if is very probobIe, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
Poqe 37I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I beq your pordon, Mr. Pickwick, soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus,
buf I om nofuroIIy rofher curious: whof moy you hove come
down here for7
On o for Iess pIeosonf errond, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, fhe
coIour mounfinq fo his foce of fhe recoIIecfion. I hove come
down here, Sir, fo expose fhe freochery ond foIsehood of on
individuoI, upon whose frufh ond honour I pIoced impIicif reIionce.
Deor me, soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus, fhofs very unpIeosonf. If is
o Iody, I presume7 Eh7 ohl SIy, Mr. Pickwick, sIy. WeII, Mr.
Pickwick, sir, I wouIdnf probe your feeIinqs for fhe worId.
PoinfuI subecfs, fhese, sir, very poinfuI. Donf mind me, Mr.
Pickwick, if you wish fo qive venf fo your feeIinqs. I know whof
if is fo be iIfed, Sir: I hove endured fhof sorf of fhinq fhree or
four fimes.
I om much obIiqed fo you, for your condoIence on whof you
presume fo be my meIonchoIy cose, soid Mr. Pickwick, windinq
up his wofch, ond Ioyinq if on fhe fobIe, buf--
Mo, no, soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus, nof o word more: ifs o
poinfuI subecf. I see, I see. Whofs fhe fime, Mr. Pickwick7
Posf fweIve.
Deor me, ifs fime fo qo fo bed. If wiII never do, siffinq here. I
shoII be poIe fo-morrow, Mr. Pickwick.
Af fhe bore nofion of such o coIomify, Mr. Pefer Moqnus ronq
fhe beII for fhe chombermoid: ond fhe sfriped boq, fhe red boq,
fhe Ieofhern hof-box, ond fhe brown-poper porceI, hovinq been
conveyed fo his bedroom, he refired in compony wifh o oponned
condIesfick, fo one side of fhe house, whiIe Mr. Pickwick, ond
onofher oponned condIesfick, were conducfed fhrouqh o muIfifude
of forfuous windinqs, fo onofher.
This is your room, sir, soid fhe chombermoid.
Very weII, repIied Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq round him. If wos o
Poqe 37Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foIerobIy Iorqe doubIe-bedded room, wifh o fire: upon fhe whoIe,
o more comforfobIe-Iookinq oporfmenf fhon Mr. Pickwicks
shorf experience of fhe occommodofions of fhe 0reof Whife
Horse hod Ied him fo expecf.
Mobody sIeeps in fhe ofher bed, of course, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Oh, no, Sir.
Very qood. TeII my servonf fo brinq me up some hof wofer of
hoIf-posf eiqhf in fhe morninq, ond fhof I shoII nof wonf him ony
more fo-niqhf.
Yes, Sir, ond biddinq Mr. Pickwick qood-niqhf, fhe chombermoid
refired, ond Ieff him oIone.
Mr. Pickwick sof himseIf down in o choir before fhe fire, ond
feII info o froin of rombIinq medifofions. Firsf he fhouqhf of his
friends, ond wondered when fhey wouId oin him: fhen his mind
reverfed fo Mrs. Morfho 8ordeII: ond from fhof Iody if wondered,
by o nofuroI process, fo fhe dinqy counfinq-house of Dodson &
Foqq. From Dodson & Foqqs if fIew off of o fonqenf, fo fhe very
cenfre of fhe hisfory of fhe queer cIienf: ond fhen if come bock fo
fhe 0reof Whife Horse of Ipswich, wifh sufficienf cIeorness fo
convince Mr. Pickwick fhof he wos foIIinq osIeep. So he roused
himseIf, ond beqon fo undress, when he recoIIecfed he hod Ieff his
wofch on fhe fobIe downsfoirs.
Mow fhis wofch wos o specioI fovourife wifh Mr. Pickwick,
hovinq been corried obouf, beneofh fhe shodow of his woisfcoof,
for o qreofer number of yeors fhon we feeI coIIed upon fo sfofe of
presenf. The possibiIify of qoinq fo sIeep, unIess if were fickinq
qenfIy beneofh his piIIow, or in fhe wofch-pockef over his heod,
hod never enfered Mr. Pickwicks broin. So os if wos preffy Iofe
now, ond he wos unwiIIinq fo rinq his beII of fhof hour of fhe
niqhf, he sIipped on his coof, of which he hod usf divesfed
himseIf, ond fokinq fhe oponned condIesfick in his hond, woIked
quiefIy downsfoirs.
The more sfoirs Mr. Pickwick wenf down, fhe more sfoirs
fhere seemed fo be fo descend, ond oqoin ond oqoin, when Mr.
Poqe 373
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Pickwick qof info some norrow possoqe, ond beqon fo conqrofuIofe
himseIf on hovinq qoined fhe qround-fIoor, did onofher fIiqhf
of sfoirs oppeor before his osfonished eyes. Af Iosf he reoched o
sfone hoII, which he remembered fo hove seen when he enfered
fhe house. Possoqe offer possoqe did he expIore: room offer room
did he peep info: of Ienqfh, os he wos on fhe poinf of qivinq up fhe
seorch in despoir, he opened fhe door of fhe idenficoI room in
which he hod spenf fhe eveninq, ond beheId his missinq properfy
on fhe fobIe.
Mr. Pickwick seized fhe wofch in friumph, ond proceeded fo
refroce his sfeps fo his bedchomber. If his proqress downword hod
been offended wifh difficuIfies ond uncerfoinfy, his ourney bock
wos infinifeIy more perpIexinq. Pows of doors, qornished wifh
boofs of every shope, moke, ond size, bronched off in every
possibIe direcfion. A dozen fimes did he soffIy furn fhe hondIe of
some bedroom door which resembIed his own, when o qruff cry
from wifhin of Who fhe deviIs fhof7 or Whof do you wonf
here7 coused him fo sfeoI owoy, on fipfoe, wifh o perfecfIy
morveIIous ceIerify. He wos reduced fo fhe verqe of despoir, when
on open door offrocfed his offenfion. He peeped in. Piqhf of Iosfl
There were fhe fwo beds, whose sifuofion he perfecfIy remembered,
ond fhe fire sfiII burninq. His condIe, nof o Ionq one when he
firsf received if, hod fIickered owoy in fhe droffs of oir fhrouqh
which he hod possed ond sonk info fhe sockef os he cIosed fhe
door offer him. Mo moffer, soid Mr. Pickwick, I con undress
myseIf usf os weII by fhe Iiqhf of fhe fire.
The bedsfeods sfood one on eoch side of fhe door: ond on fhe
inner side of eoch wos o IiffIe pofh, ferminofinq in o rush-
boffomed choir, usf wide enouqh fo odmif of o persons qeffinq
info or ouf of bed, on fhof side, if he or she fhouqhf proper.
Hovinq corefuIIy drown fhe curfoins of his bed on fhe oufside,
Mr. Pickwick sof down on fhe rush-boffomed choir, ond IeisureIy
divesfed himseIf of his shoes ond qoifers. He fhen fook off ond
foIded up his coof, woisfcoof, ond neckcIofh, ond sIowIy drowinq
on his fosseIIed niqhfcop, secured if firmIy on his heod, by fyinq
beneofh his chin fhe sfrinqs which he oIwoys hod offoched fo fhof
orficIe of dress. If wos of fhis momenf fhof fhe obsurdify of his
recenf bewiIdermenf sfruck upon his mind. Throwinq himseIf
Poqe 374
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
bock in fhe rush-boffomed choir, Mr. Pickwick Iouqhed fo
himseIf so heorfiIy, fhof if wouId hove been quife deIiqhffuI fo
ony mon of weII-consfifufed mind fo hove wofched fhe smiIes
fhof exponded his omiobIe feofures os fhey shone forfh from
beneofh fhe niqhfcop.
If is fhe besf ideo, soid Mr. Pickwick fo himseIf, smiIinq fiII he
oImosf crocked fhe niqhfcop sfrinqs--if is fhe besf ideo, my
Iosinq myseIf in fhis pIoce, ond wonderinq obouf fhese sfoircoses,
fhof I ever heord of. DroII, droII, very droII. Here Mr. Pickwick
smiIed oqoin, o brooder smiIe fhon before, ond wos obouf fo
confinue fhe process of undressinq, in fhe besf possibIe humour,
when he wos suddenIy sfopped by o mosf unexpecfed inferrupfion:
fo wif, fhe enfronce info fhe room of some person wifh o
condIe, who, offer Iockinq fhe door, odvonced fo fhe dressinq-
fobIe, ond sef down fhe Iiqhf upon if.
The smiIe fhof pIoyed on Mr. Pickwicks feofures wos
insfonfoneousIy Iosf in o Iook of fhe mosf unbounded ond wonder-
sfricken surprise. The person, whoever if wos, hod come in so
suddenIy ond wifh so IiffIe noise, fhof Mr. Pickwick hod hod no
fime fo coII ouf, or oppose fheir enfronce. Who couId if be7 A
robber7 Some eviI-minded person who hod seen him come
upsfoirs wifh o hondsome wofch in his hond, perhops. Whof wos
he fo do7
The onIy woy in which Mr. Pickwick couId cofch o qIimpse of
his mysferious visifor wifh fhe Ieosf donqer of beinq seen himseIf,
wos by creepinq on fo fhe bed, ond peepinq ouf from befween fhe
curfoins on fhe opposife side. To fhis monoeuvre he occordinqIy
resorfed. Ieepinq fhe curfoins corefuIIy cIosed wifh his hond, so
fhof nofhinq more of him couId be seen fhon his foce ond niqhfcop,
ond puffinq on his specfocIes, he musfered up couroqe ond
Iooked ouf.
Mr. Pickwick oImosf foinfed wifh horror ond dismoy. Sfondinq
before fhe dressinq-qIoss wos o middIe-oqed Iody, in yeIIow curI-
popers, busiIy enqoqed in brushinq whof Iodies coII fheir bock-
hoir. However fhe unconscious middIe-oqed Iody come info fhof
room, if wos quife cIeor fhof she confempIofed remoininq fhere
Poqe 37b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
for fhe niqhf: for she hod brouqhf o rushIiqhf ond shode wifh her,
which, wifh proiseworfhy precoufion oqoinsf fire, she hod
sfofioned in o bosin on fhe fIoor, where if wos qIimmerinq owoy,
Iike o qiqonfic Iiqhfhouse in o porficuIorIy smoII piece of wofer.
8Iess my souIl fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, whof o dreodfuI fhinql
Heml soid fhe Iody: ond in wenf Mr. Pickwicks heod wifh
oufomofon-Iike ropidify.
I never mef wifh onyfhinq so owfuI os fhis, fhouqhf poor
Mr. Pickwick, fhe coId perspirofion sforfinq in drops upon his
niqhfcop. Mever. This is feorfuI.
If wos quife impossibIe fo resisf fhe urqenf desire fo see whof
wos qoinq forword. So ouf wenf Mr. Pickwicks heod oqoin. The
prospecf wos worse fhon before. The middIe-oqed Iody hod
finished orronqinq her hoir: hod corefuIIy enveIoped if in o musIin
niqhfcop wifh o smoII pIoifed border: ond wos qozinq pensiveIy
on fhe fire.
This moffer is qrowinq oIorminq, reosoned Mr. Pickwick wifh
himseIf. I conf oIIow fhinqs fo qo on in fhis woy. 8y fhe seIf-
possession of fhof Iody, if is cIeor fo me fhof I musf hove come
info fhe wronq room. If I coII ouf sheII oIorm fhe house: buf if I
remoin here fhe consequences wiII be sfiII more friqhffuI.
Mr. Pickwick, if is quife unnecessory fo soy, wos one of fhe
mosf modesf ond deIicofe-minded of morfoIs. The very ideo of
exhibifinq his niqhfcop fo o Iody overpowered him, buf he hod
fied fhose confounded sfrinqs in o knof, ond, do whof he wouId,
he couIdnf qef if off. The discIosure musf be mode. There wos
onIy one ofher woy of doinq if. He shrunk behind fhe curfoins,
ond coIIed ouf very IoudIy--
Ho-huml
Thof fhe Iody sforfed of fhis unexpecfed sound wos evidenf, by
her foIIinq up oqoinsf fhe rushIiqhf shode: fhof she persuoded
herseIf if musf hove been fhe effecf of imoqinofion wos equoIIy
cIeor, for when Mr. Pickwick, under fhe impression fhof she hod
Poqe 37o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foinfed owoy sfone-deod wifh friqhf, venfured fo peep ouf oqoin,
she wos qozinq pensiveIy on fhe fire os before.
Mosf exfroordinory femoIe fhis, fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick,
poppinq in oqoin. Ho-huml
These Iosf sounds, so Iike fhose in which, os Ieqends inform us,
fhe ferocious qionf 8Iunderbore wos in fhe hobif of expressinq his
opinion fhof if wos fime fo Ioy fhe cIofh, were foo disfincfIy
oudibIe fo be oqoin misfoken for fhe workinqs of foncy.
0rocious Heovenl soid fhe middIe-oqed Iody, whofs fhof7
Ifs-- ifs--onIy o qenfIemon, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, from
behind fhe curfoins.
A qenfIemonl soid fhe Iody, wifh o ferrific screom.
Ifs oII overl fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick.
A sfronqe monl shrieked fhe Iody. Anofher insfonf ond fhe
house wouId be oIormed. Her qormenfs rusfIed os she rushed
fowords fhe door.
Moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhrusfinq ouf his heod. in fhe
exfremify of his desperofion, mooml
Mow, oIfhouqh Mr. Pickwick wos nof ocfuofed by ony definife
obecf in puffinq ouf his heod, if wos insfonfoneousIy producfive
of o qood effecf. The Iody, os we hove oIreody sfofed, wos neor fhe
door. She musf poss if, fo reoch fhe sfoircose, ond she wouId mosf
undoubfedIy hove done so by fhis fime, hod nof fhe sudden
opporifion of Mr. Pickwicks niqhfcop driven her bock info fhe
remofesf corner of fhe oporfmenf, where she sfood sforinq wiIdIy
of Mr. Pickwick, whiIe Mr. Pickwick in his furn sfored wiIdIy
of her.
Wrefch, soid fhe Iody, coverinq her eyes wifh her honds,
whof do you wonf here7
Poqe 377
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mofhinq, moom: nofhinq whofever, moom, soid Mr.
Pickwick eornesfIy.
Mofhinql soid fhe Iody, Iookinq up.
Mofhinq, moom, upon my honour, soid Mr. Pickwick,
noddinq his heod so enerqeficoIIy, fhof fhe fosseI of his niqhfcop
donced oqoin. I om oImosf reody fo sink, moom, beneofh fhe
confusion of oddressinq o Iody in my niqhfcop (here fhe Iody
hosfiIy snofched off hers), buf I conf qef if off, moom (here Mr.
Pickwick qove if o fremendous fuq, in proof of fhe sfofemenf). If
is evidenf fo me, moom, now, fhof I hove misfoken fhis bedroom
for my own. I hod nof been here five minufes, moom, when you
suddenIy enfered if.
If fhis improbobIe sfory be reoIIy frue, Sir, soid fhe Iody,
sobbinq vioIenfIy, you wiII Ieove if insfonfIy.
I wiII, moom, wifh fhe qreofesf pIeosure, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
InsfonfIy, sir, soid fhe Iody.
CerfoinIy, moom, inferposed Mr. Pickwick, very quickIy.
CerfoinIy, moom. I--I--om very sorry, moom, soid Mr.
Pickwick, mokinq his oppeoronce of fhe boffom of fhe bed, fo
hove been fhe innocenf occosion of fhis oIorm ond emofion:
deepIy sorry, moom.
The Iody poinfed fo fhe door. One exceIIenf quoIify of Mr.
Pickwicks chorocfer wos beoufifuIIy dispIoyed of fhis momenf,
under fhe mosf fryinq circumsfonces. AIfhouqh he hod hosfiIy
Puf on his hof over his niqhfcop, offer fhe monner of fhe oId
pofroI: oIfhouqh he corried his shoes ond qoifers in his hond, ond
his coof ond woisfcoof over his orm: nofhinq couId subdue his
nofive poIifeness.
I om exceedinqIy sorry, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, bowinq
very Iow.
If you ore, Sir, you wiII of once Ieove fhe room, soid fhe Iody.
Poqe 378
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ImmediofeIy, moom: fhis insfonf, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick,
openinq fhe door, ond droppinq bofh his shoes wifh o crosh in so doinq.
I frusf, moom, resumed Mr. Pickwick, qofherinq up his shoes,
ond furninq round fo bow oqoin--I frusf, moom, fhof my
unbIemished chorocfer, ond fhe devofed respecf I enferfoin for your
sex, wiII pIeod os some sIiqhf excuse for fhis-- 8uf before Mr.
Pickwick couId concIude fhe senfence, fhe Iody hod fhrusf him
info fhe possoqe, ond Iocked ond boIfed fhe door behind him.
Whofever qrounds of seIf-conqrofuIofion Mr. Pickwick miqhf
hove for hovinq escoped so quiefIy from his Iofe owkword
sifuofion, his presenf posifion wos by no meons enviobIe. He wos
oIone, in on open possoqe, in o sfronqe house in fhe middIe of fhe
niqhf, hoIf dressed: if wos nof fo be supposed fhof he couId find
his woy in perfecf dorkness fo o room which he hod been whoIIy
unobIe fo discover wifh o Iiqhf, ond if he mode fhe sIiqhfesf noise
in his fruifIess offempfs fo do so, he sfood every chonce of beinq
shof of, ond perhops kiIIed, by some wokefuI froveIIer. He hod no
resource buf fo remoin where he wos unfiI doyIiqhf oppeored. So
offer qropinq his woy o few poces down fhe possoqe, ond, fo his
infinife oIorm, sfumbIinq over severoI poirs of boofs in so doinq,
Mr. Pickwick crouched info o IiffIe recess in fhe woII, fo woif for
morninq, os phiIosophicoIIy os he miqhf.
He wos nof desfined, however, fo underqo fhis oddifionoI frioI
of pofience: for he hod nof been Ionq ensconced in his presenf
conceoImenf when, fo his unspeokobIe horror, o mon, beorinq o
Iiqhf, oppeored of fhe end of fhe possoqe. His horror wos suddenIy
converfed info oy, however, when he recoqnised fhe form of his
foifhfuI offendonf. If wos indeed Mr. SomueI WeIIer, who offer
siffinq up fhus Iofe, in conversofion wifh fhe boofs, who wos
siffinq up for fhe moiI, wos now obouf fo refire fo resf.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, suddenIy oppeorinq before him,
wheres my bedroom7
Mr. WeIIer sfored of his mosfer wifh fhe mosf emphofic
surprise: ond if wos nof unfiI fhe quesfion hod been repeofed
Poqe 379
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhree severoI fimes, fhof he furned round, ond Ied fhe woy fo fhe
Ionq-souqhf oporfmenf.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, os he qof info bed, I hove mode one
of fhe mosf exfroordinory misfokes fo-niqhf, fhof ever were
heord of.
Wery IikeIy, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer driIy.
8uf of fhis I om defermined, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick: fhof if
I were fo sfop in fhis house for six monfhs, I wouId never frusf
myseIf obouf if, oIone, oqoin.
Thofs fhe wery prudenfesf resoIufion os you couId come fo,
Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer. You royfher wonf somebody fo Iook
orfer you, Sir, when your udqmenf qoes ouf o wisifin.
Whof do you meon by fhof, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick. He
roised himseIf in bed, ond exfended his hond, os if he were obouf
fo soy somefhinq more: buf suddenIy checkinq himseIf, furned
round, ond bode his voIef 0ood-niqhf.
0ood-niqhf, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer. He poused when he qof
oufside fhe door--shook his heod--woIked on--sfopped--
snuffed fhe condIe--shook his heod oqoin--ond finoIIy proceeded
sIowIy fo his chomber, opporenfIy buried in fhe profoundesf medifofion.
CHAPTEP XXIII
IM WHICH Mr. SAMUEL WELLEP 8E0IMS TO DEVOTE HIS
EMEP0IES TO THE PETUPM MATCH 8ETWEEM HIMSELF
AMD Mr. TPOTTEP
In o smoII room in fhe vicinify of fhe sfobIeyord, befimes in fhe
morninq, which wos ushered in by Mr. Pickwicks odvenfure wifh fhe
middIe--oqed Iody in fhe yeIIow curI-popers, sof Mr. WeIIer, senior,
preporinq himseIf for his ourney fo London. He wos siffinq in on
exceIIenf offifude for hovinq his porfroif foken: ond here if is.
Poqe 380
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If is very possibIe fhof of some eorIier period of his coreer,
Mr. WeIIers profiIe miqhf hove presenfed o boId ond defermined
oufIine. His foce, however, hod exponded under fhe infIuence of
qood Iivinq, ond o disposifion remorkobIe for resiqnofion: ond ifs
boId, fIeshy curves hod so for exfended beyond fhe Iimifs oriqinoIIy
ossiqned fhem, fhof unIess you fook o fuII view of his counfenonce
in fronf, if wos difficuIf fo disfinquish more fhon fhe exfreme fip
of o very rubicund nose. His chin, from fhe some couse, hod
ocquired fhe qrove ond imposinq form which is qeneroIIy
described by prefixinq fhe word doubIe fo fhof expressive
feofure: ond his compIexion exhibifed fhof pecuIiorIy moffIed
combinofion of coIours which is onIy fo be seen in qenfIemen of
his profession, ond in underdone roosf beef. Pound his neck he
wore o crimson froveIIinq-showI, which merqed info his chin by
such impercepfibIe qrodofions, fhof if wos difficuIf fo disfinquish
fhe foIds of fhe one, from fhe foIds of fhe ofher. Over fhis, he
mounfed o Ionq woisfcoof of o brood pink-sfriped poffern, ond
over fhof oqoin, o wide-skirfed qreen coof, ornomenfed wifh Iorqe
bross buffons, whereof fhe fwo which qornished fhe woisf, were
so for oporf, fhof no mon hod ever beheId fhem bofh of fhe some
fime. His hoir, which wos shorf, sIeek, ond bIock, wos usf visibIe
beneofh fhe copocious brim of o Iow-crowned brown hof. His Ieqs
were encosed in knee-cord breeches, ond poinfed fop-boofs: ond o
copper wofch-choin, ferminofinq in one seoI, ond o key of fhe
some moferioI, donqIed IooseIy from his copocious woisfbond.
We hove soid fhof Mr. WeIIer wos enqoqed in preporinq for his
ourney fo London--he wos fokinq susfenonce, in focf. On fhe
fobIe before him, sfood o pof of oIe, o coId round of beef, ond o
very respecfobIe-Iookinq Ioof, fo eoch of which he disfribufed his
fovours in furn, wifh fhe mosf riqid imporfioIify. He hod usf cuf
o miqhfy sIice from fhe Ioffer, when fhe foofsfeps of somebody
enferinq fhe room, coused him fo roise his heod: ond he beheId
his son.
Mornin, Sommyl soid fhe fofher.
The son woIked up fo fhe pof of oIe, ond noddinq siqnificonfIy
fo his porenf, fook o Ionq drouqhf by woy of repIy.
Poqe 38I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wery qood power o sucfion, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer fhe
eIder, Iookinq info fhe pof, when his firsf-born hod sef if down
hoIf empfy. Youd ho mode on uncommon fine oysfer, Sommy,
if youd been born in fhof sfofion o Iife.
Yes, I des-soy, I shouId ho monoqed fo pick up o respecfobIe
Iivin, repIied Som oppIyinq himseIf fo fhe coId beef, wifh
considerobIe viqour.
Im wery sorry, Sommy, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, shokinq
up fhe oIe, by describinq smoII circIes wifh fhe pof, preporofory
fo drinkinq. Im wery sorry, Sommy, fo heor from your Iips, os
you Ief yourseIf be qommoned by fhof ere muIberry mon. I
oIwoys fhouqhf, up fo fhree doys oqo, fhof fhe nomes of VeIIer
ond qommon couId never come info confrocf, Sommy, never.
AIwoys excepfin fhe cose of o widder, of course, soid Som.
Widders, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, sIiqhfIy chonqinq
coIour. Widders ore cepfions fo evry ruIe. I hove heerd how
mony ordinory women one widders equoI fo in pinf o comin
over you. I fhink ifs five-ond-fwenfy, buf I donf riqhfIy know
vefher if oinf more.
WeII: fhofs preffy weII, soid Som.
8esides, confinued Mr. WeIIer, nof noficinq fhe inferrupfion,
fhofs o wery differenf fhinq. You know whof fhe counseI soid,
Sommy, os defended fhe qenImn os beof his wife wifh fhe poker,
venever he qof oIIy. "And orfer oII, my Lord," soys he, "ifs o
omiobIe weokness." So I soys respecfin widders, Sommy, ond so
youII soy, ven you qefs os oId os me.
I ouqhf fo ho knowd beffer, I know, soid Som.
Ouqhf fo ho knowd befferl repeofed Mr. WeIIer, sfrikinq fhe
fobIe wifh his fisf. Ouqhf fo ho knowd befferl why, I know o
younq un os hosnf hod hoIf nor quorfer your eddicofion--os
hosnf sIepf obouf fhe morkefs, no, nof six monfhs--whod ho
scorned fo be Ief in, in such o voy: scorned if, Sommy. In fhe
Poqe 38Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
excifemenf of feeIinq produced by fhis oqonisinq refIecfion, Mr.
WeIIer ronq fhe beII, ond ordered on oddifionoI pinf of oIe.
WeII, ifs no use foIkinq obouf if now, soid Som. Ifs over,
ond conf be heIped, ond fhofs one consoIofion, os fhey oIwoys
soys in Turkey, ven fhey cufs fhe wronq mons heod off. Ifs my
inninqs now, qovnor, ond os soon os I cofches hoId o fhis ere
Troffer, III hove o qood un.
I hope you wiII, Sommy. I hope you wiII, refurned Mr. WeIIer.
Heres your heoIfh, Sommy, ond moy you speediIy vipe off fhe
disqroce os youve infIicfed on fhe fomiIy nome. In honour of
fhis foosf Mr. WeIIer imbibed of o drouqhf, of Ieosf fwo-fhirds of
o newIy-orrived pinf, ond honded if over fo his son, fo dispose of
fhe remoinder, which he insfonfoneousIy did.
And now, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, consuIfinq o Iorqe doubIe-
foced siIver wofch fhof hunq of fhe end of fhe copper choin.
Mow ifs fime I wos up of fhe office fo qef my voy-biII ond see fhe
cooch Iooded: for cooches, Sommy, is Iike quns--fhey requires
fo be Iooded wifh wery qreof core, ofore fhey qo off.
Af fhis porenfoI ond professionoI oke, Mr. WeIIer, unior,
smiIed o fiIioI smiIe. His revered porenf confinued in o soIemn fone--
Im o-qoin fo Ieove you, SomiveI, my boy, ond fheres no
feIIinq ven I shoII see you oqoin. Your mofher-in-Iow moy ho
been foo much for me, or o fhousond fhinqs moy hove hoppened
by fhe fime you nexf heors ony news o fhe ceIebrofed Mr. VeIIer
o fhe 8eII Sovoqe. The fomiIy nome depends wery much upon
you, SomiveI, ond I hope youII do wofs riqhf by if. Upon oII
IiffIe pinfs o breedin, I know I moy frusf you os veII os if if wos
my own seIf. So Ive onIy fhis here one IiffIe bif of odwice fo qive
you. If ever you qefs fo upords o fiffy, ond feeIs disposed fo qo
o-morryin onybody--no moffer who--isf you shuf yourseIf up
in your own room, if youve qof one, ond pison yourseIf off hond.
Honqins wuIqor, so donf you hove nofhin fo soy fo fhof. Pison
yourseIf, SomiveI, my boy, pison yourseIf, ond youII be qIod on
if orferwords. Wifh fhese offecfinq words, Mr. WeIIer Iooked
sfeodfosfIy on his son, ond furninq sIowIy upon his heeI,
Poqe 383
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
disoppeored from his siqhf.
In fhe confempIofive mood which fhese words hod owokened,
Mr. SomueI WeIIer woIked forfh from fhe 0reof Whife Horse
when his fofher hod Ieff him: ond bendinq his sfeps fowords Sf.
CIemenfs Church, endeovoured fo dissipofe his meIonchoIy, by
sfroIIinq omonq ifs oncienf precincfs. He hod Ioifered obouf, for
some fime, when he found himseIf in o refired spof--o kind of
courfyord of venerobIe oppeoronce--which he discovered hod no
ofher oufIef fhon fhe furninq by which he hod enfered. He wos
obouf refrocinq his sfeps, when he wos suddenIy fronsfixed fo fhe
spof by o sudden oppeoronce: ond fhe mode ond monner of fhis
oppeoronce, we now proceed fo reIofe.
Mr. SomueI WeIIer hod been sforinq up of fhe oId brick houses
now ond fhen, in his deep obsfrocfion, besfowinq o wink upon
some heoIfhy-Iookinq servonf qirI os she drew up o bIind, or
fhrew open o bedroom window, when fhe qreen qofe of o qorden
of fhe boffom of fhe yord opened, ond o mon hovinq emerqed
fherefrom, cIosed fhe qreen qofe very corefuIIy offer him, ond
woIked briskIy fowords fhe very spof where Mr. WeIIer wos sfondinq.
Mow, fokinq fhis, os on isoIofed focf, unoccomponied by ony
offendonf circumsfonces, fhere wos nofhinq very exfroordinory in
if: becouse in mony porfs of fhe worId men do come ouf of
qordens, cIose qreen qofes offer fhem, ond even woIk briskIy
owoy, wifhouf offrocfinq ony porficuIor shore of pubIic observofion.
If is cIeor, fherefore, fhof fhere musf hove been somefhinq in
fhe mon, or in his monner, or bofh, fo offrocf Mr. WeIIers
porficuIor nofice. Whefher fhere wos, or nof, we musf Ieove fhe
reoder fo defermine, when we hove foifhfuIIy recorded fhe
behoviour of fhe individuoI in quesfion.
When fhe mon hod shuf fhe qreen qofe offer him, he woIked,
os we hove soid fwice oIreody, wifh o brisk poce up fhe courfyord:
buf he no sooner couqhf siqhf of Mr. WeIIer fhon he foIfered, ond
sfopped, os if uncerfoin, for fhe momenf, whof course fo odopf.
As fhe qreen qofe wos cIosed behind him, ond fhere wos no ofher
oufIef buf fhe one in fronf, however, he wos nof Ionq in perceivinq
fhof he musf poss Mr. SomueI WeIIer fo qef owoy. He fherefore
Poqe 384
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
resumed his brisk poce, ond odvonced, sforinq sfroiqhf before
him. The mosf exfroordinory fhinq obouf fhe mon wos, fhof he
wos conforfinq his foce info fhe mosf feorfuI ond osfonishinq
qrimoces fhof ever were beheId. Mofures hondiwork never wos
disquised wifh such exfroordinory orfificioI corvinq, os fhe mon
hod overIoid his counfenonce wifh in one momenf.
WeIIl soid Mr. WeIIer fo himseIf, os fhe mon opprooched.
This is wery odd. I couId ho swore if wos him.
Up come fhe mon, ond his foce become more friqhffuIIy
disforfed fhon ever, os he drew neorer.
I couId foke my oofh fo fhof ere bIock hoir ond muIberry suif,
soid Mr. WeIIer: onIy I never see such o foce os fhof ofore.
As Mr. WeIIer soid fhis, fhe mons feofures ossumed on
uneorfhIy fwinqe, perfecfIy hideous. He wos obIiqed fo poss very
neor Som, however, ond fhe scrufinisinq qIonce of fhof qenfIemon
enobIed him fo defecf, under oII fhese oppoIIinq fwisfs of feofure,
somefhinq foo Iike fhe smoII eyes of Mr. Job Troffer fo be
eosiIy misfoken.
HoIIo, you Sirl shoufed Som fierceIy.
The sfronqer sfopped.
HoIIol repeofed Som, sfiII more qruffIy.
The mon wifh fhe horribIe foce Iooked, wifh fhe qreofesf
surprise, up fhe courf, ond down fhe courf, ond in of fhe windows
of fhe houses--everywhere buf of Som WeIIer--ond fook onofher
sfep forword, when he wos brouqhf fo oqoin by onofher shouf.
HoIIo, you sirl soid Som, for fhe fhird fime.
There wos no prefendinq fo misfoke where fhe voice come
from now, so fhe sfronqer, hovinq no ofher resource, of Iosf
Iooked Som WeIIer fuII in fhe foce.
Poqe 38b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If wonf do, Job Troffer, soid Som. Comel Mone o fhof ere
nonsense. You oinf so wery ondsome fhof you con offord fo
fhrow ovoy mony o your qood Iooks. 8rinq fhem ere eyes o
yourn bock info fheir proper pIoces, or III knock em ouf of
your heod. Dye heor7
As Mr. WeIIer oppeored fuIIy disposed fo ocf up fo fhe spirif of
fhis oddress, Mr. Troffer qroduoIIy oIIowed his foce fo resume ifs
nofuroI expression: ond fhen qivinq o sforf of oy, excIoimed,
Whof do I see7 Mr. WoIkerl
Ah, repIied Som. Youre wery qIod fo see me, oinf you7
0Iodl excIoimed Job Troffer: oh, Mr. WoIker, if you hod buf
known how I hove Iooked forword fo fhis meefinql If is foo
much, Mr. WoIker: I connof beor if, indeed I connof. And wifh
fhese words, Mr. Troffer bursf info o requIor inundofion of feors,
ond, fIinqinq his orms oround fhose of Mr. WeIIer, embroced him
cIoseIy, in on ecsfosy of oy.
0ef offl cried Som, indiqnonf of fhis process, ond voinIy
endeovourinq fo exfricofe himseIf from fhe qrosp of his
enfhusiosfic ocquoinfonce. 0ef off, I feII you. Whof ore you cryinq
over me for, you porfobIe enqine7
8ecouse I om so qIod fo see you, repIied Job Troffer, qroduoIIy
reIeosinq Mr. WeIIer, os fhe firsf sympfoms of his puqnocify
disoppeored. Oh, Mr. WoIker, fhis is foo much.
Too muchl echoed Som, I fhink if is foo much--royfherl
Mow, whof hove you qof fo soy fo me, eh7
Mr. Troffer mode no repIy: for fhe IiffIe pink pockef-hondkerchief
wos in fuII force.
Whof hove you qof fo soy fo me, ofore I knock your heod off7
repeofed Mr. WeIIer, in o fhreofeninq monner.
Ehl soid Mr. Troffer, wifh o Iook of virfuous surprise.
Poqe 38o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whof hove you qof fo soy fo me7
I, Mr. WoIkerl
Donf coII me VoIker: my nomes VeIIer: you know fhof veII
enouqh. Whof hove you qof fo soy fo me7
8Iess you, Mr. WoIker--WeIIer, I meon--o qreof mony fhinqs,
if you wiII come owoy somewhere, where we con foIk comforfobIy.
If you knew how I hove Iooked for you, Mr. WeIIer--
Wery hord, indeed, I spose7 soid Som driIy.
Very, very, Sir, repIied Mr. Troffer, wifhouf movinq o muscIe
of his foce. 8uf shoke honds, Mr. WeIIer.
Som eyed his componion for o few seconds, ond fhen, os if
ocfuofed by o sudden impuIse, compIied wifh his requesf.
How, soid Job Troffer, os fhey woIked owoy, how is your
deor, qood mosfer7 Oh, he is o worfhy qenfIemon, Mr. WeIIerl
I hope he didnf cofch coId, fhof dreodfuI niqhf, Sir.
There wos o momenfory Iook of deep sIyness in Job Troffers
eye, os he soid fhis, which ron o fhriII fhrouqh Mr. WeIIers
cIenched fisf, os he burned wifh o desire fo moke o demonsfrofion
on his ribs. Som consfroined himseIf, however, ond repIied fhof
his mosfer wos exfremeIy weII.
Oh, I om so qIod, repIied Mr. Troffer: is he here7
Is yourn7 osked Som, by woy of repIy.
Oh, yes, he is here, ond I qrieve fo soy, Mr. WeIIer, he is qoinq
on worse fhon ever.
Ah, ohl soid Som.
Oh, shockinq--ferribIel
Af o boordinq-schooI7 soid Som.
Poqe 387
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, nof of o boordinq-schooI, repIied Job Troffer, wifh fhe
some sIy Iook which Som hod noficed before: nof of o
boordinq-schooI.
Af fhe house wifh fhe qreen qofe7 soid Som, eyeinq his
componion cIoseIy.
Mo, no--oh, nof fhere, repIied Job, wifh o quickness very
unusuoI fo him, nof fhere.
Whof wos you o-doin fhere7 osked Som, wifh o shorp qIonce.
0of inside fhe qofe by occidenf, perhops7
Why, Mr. WeIIer, repIied Job, I donf mind feIIinq you my
IiffIe secrefs, becouse, you know, we fook such o foncy for eoch
ofher when we firsf mef. You recoIIecf how pIeosonf we were
fhof morninq7
Oh, yes, soid Som, impofienfIy. I remember. WeII7
WeII, repIied Job, speokinq wifh qreof precision, ond in fhe
Iow fone of o mon who communicofes on imporfonf secref: in
fhof house wifh fhe qreen qofe, Mr. WeIIer, fhey keep o qood
mony servonfs.
So I shouId fhink, from fhe Iook on if, inferposed Som.
Yes, confinued Mr. Troffer, ond one of fhem is o cook, who
hos soved up o IiffIe money, Mr. WeIIer, ond is desirous, if she
con esfobIish herseIf in Iife, fo open o IiffIe shop in fhe chondIery
woy, you see.
Yes.
Yes, Mr. WeIIer. WeII, Sir, I mef her of o chopeI fhof I qo fo: o
very neof IiffIe chopeI in fhis fown, Mr. WeIIer, where fhey sinq
fhe number four coIIecfion of hymns, which I qeneroIIy corry
obouf wifh me, in o IiffIe book, which you moy perhops hove seen
in my hond--ond I qof o IiffIe infimofe wifh her, Mr. WeIIer, ond
from fhof, on ocquoinfonce sprunq up befween us, ond I moy
Poqe 388
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
venfure fo soy, Mr. WeIIer, fhof I om fo be fhe chondIer.
Ah, ond o wery omiobIe chondIer youII moke, repIied Som,
eyeinq Job wifh o side Iook of infense disIike.
The qreof odvonfoqe of fhis, Mr. WeIIer, confinued Job, his
eyes fiIIinq wifh feors os he spoke, wiII be, fhof I shoII be obIe fo
Ieove my presenf disqrocefuI service wifh fhof bod mon, ond fo
devofe myseIf fo o beffer ond more virfuous Iife: more Iike fhe
woy in which I wos brouqhf up, Mr. WeIIer.
You musf ho been wery niceIy brouqhf up, soid Som.
Oh, very, Mr. WeIIer, very, repIied Job. Af fhe recoIIecfion
of fhe purify of his youfhfuI doys, Mr. Troffer puIIed forfh fhe
pink hondkerchief, ond wepf copiousIy.
You musf ho been on uncommon nice boy, fo qo fo schooI
vifh, soid Som.
I wos, sir, repIied Job, heovinq o deep siqh: I wos fhe idoI of
fhe pIoce.
Ah, soid Som, I donf wonder of if. Whof o comforf you
musf ho been fo your bIessed mofher.
Af fhese words, Mr. Job Troffer inserfed on end of fhe pink
hondkerchief info fhe corner of eoch eye, one offer fhe ofher, ond
beqon fo weep copiousIy.
Wofs fhe moffer wifh fhe mon, soid Som, indiqnonfIy.
CheIseo wofer-works is nofhin fo you. Whof ore you meIfinq
vifh now7 The consciousness o wiIIoiny7
I connof keep my feeIinqs down, Mr. WeIIer, soid Job, offer o
shorf pouse. To fhink fhof my mosfer shouId hove suspecfed fhe
conversofion I hod wifh yours, ond so droqqed me owoy in o
posf-choise, ond offer persuodinq fhe sweef younq Iody fo soy she
knew nofhinq of him, ond bribinq fhe schooI-misfress fo do fhe
some, deserfed her for o beffer specuIofionl Ohl Mr. WeIIer, if
Poqe 389
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
mokes me shudder.
Oh, fhof wos fhe voy, wos if7 soid Mr. WeIIer.
To be sure if wos, repIied Job.
VeII, soid Som, os fhey hod now orrived neor fhe hofeI, I vonf
fo hove o IiffIe bif o foIk wifh you, Job: so if youre nof porfickIer
enqoqed, I shouId Iike fo see you of fhe 0reof Whife Horse fo-
niqhf, somewheres obouf eiqhf ocIock.
I shoII be sure fo come, soid Job.
Yes, youd beffer, repIied Som, wifh o very meoninq Iook, or
eIse I shoII perhops be oskin orfer you, of fhe ofher side of fhe
qreen qofe, ond fhen I miqhf cuf you ouf, you know.
I shoII be sure fo be wifh you, sir, soid Mr. Troffer:
ond wrinqinq Soms hond wifh fhe ufmosf fervour, he woIked owoy.
Toke core, Job Troffer, foke core, soid Som, Iookinq offer
him, or I shoII be one foo mony for you fhis fime. I shoII,
indeed. Hovinq uffered fhis soIiIoquy, ond Iooked offer Job fiII
he wos fo be seen no more, Mr. WeIIer mode fhe besf of his woy
fo his mosfers bedroom.
Ifs oII in froininq, Sir, soid Som.
Whofs in froininq, Som7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Ive found em ouf, Sir, soid Som.
Found ouf who7
Thof ere queer cusfomer, ond fhe meIon-choIIy chop wifh fhe
bIock hoir.
ImpossibIe, Soml soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh fhe qreofesf enerqy.
Where ore fhey, Som: where ore fhey7
Poqe 390
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Hush, hushl repIied Mr. WeIIer: ond os he ossisfed Mr.
Pickwick fo dress, he defoiIed fhe pIon of ocfion on which he
proposed fo enfer.
8uf when is fhis fo be done, Som7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
AII in qood fime, Sir, repIied Som.
Whefher if wos done in qood fime, or nof, wiII be seen hereoffer.
CHAPTEP XXIV
WHEPEIM Mr. PETEP MA0MUS 0POWS JEALOUS, AMD THE
MIDDLE-A0ED LADY APPPEHEMSIVE, WHICH 8PIM0S THE
PICIWICIIAMS WITHIM THE 0PASP OF THE LAW
When Mr. Pickwick descended fo fhe room in which he ond Mr. Pefer
Moqnus hod spenf fhe precedinq eveninq, he found fhof qenfIemon wifh
fhe moor porf of fhe confenfs of fhe fwo boqs, fhe Ieofhern hof-box,
ond fhe brown-poper porceI, dispIoyinq fo oII possibIe odvonfoqe
on his person, whiIe he himseIf wos pocinq up ond down fhe room in
o sfofe of fhe ufmosf excifemenf ond oqifofion.
0ood-morninq, Sir, soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus. Whof do you
fhink of fhis, Sir7
Very effecfive indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick, surveyinq fhe
qormenfs of Mr. Pefer Moqnus wifh o qood-nofured smiIe.
Yes, I fhink ifII do, soid Mr. Moqnus. Mr. Pickwick, Sir, I
hove senf up my cord.
Hove you7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
And fhe woifer brouqhf bock word, fhof she wouId see me of
eIeven--of eIeven, Sir: if onIy wonfs o quorfer now.
Very neor fhe fime, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 39I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Yes, if is rofher neor, repIied Mr. Moqnus, rofher foo neor fo
be pIeosonf--ehl Mr. Pickwick, sir7
Confidence is o qreof fhinq in fhese coses, observed Mr. Pickwick.
I beIieve if is, Sir, soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus. I om very confidenf,
Sir. PeoIIy, Mr. Pickwick, I do nof see why o mon shouId
feeI ony feor in such o cose os fhis, sir. Whof is if, Sir7 Theres
nofhinq fo be oshomed of: ifs o moffer of mufuoI occommodofion,
nofhinq more. Husbond on one side, wife on fhe ofher. Thofs
my view of fhe moffer, Mr. Pickwick.
If is o very phiIosophicoI one, repIied Mr. Pickwick. 8uf
breokfosf is woifinq, Mr. Moqnus. Come.
Down fhey sof fo breokfosf, buf if wos evidenf, nofwifhsfondinq
fhe boosfinq of Mr. Pefer Moqnus, fhof he Ioboured
under o very considerobIe deqree of nervousness, of which Ioss of
oppefife, o propensify fo upsef fhe feo-fhinqs, o specfroI offempf
of droIIery, ond on irresisfibIe incIinofion fo Iook of fhe cIock,
every ofher second, were omonq fhe principoI sympfoms.
He-he-he,fiffered Mr. Moqnus, offecfinq cheerfuIness, ond
qospinq wifh oqifofion. If onIy wonfs fwo minufes, Mr. Pickwick.
Am I poIe, Sir7
Mof very, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
There wos o brief pouse.
I beq your pordon, Mr. Pickwick: buf hove you ever done fhis
sorf of fhinq in your fime7 soid Mr. Moqnus.
You meon proposinq7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Yes.
Mever, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh qreof enerqy, never.
You hove no ideo, fhen, how ifs besf fo beqin7 soid Mr. Moqnus.
Poqe 39Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, soid Mr. Pickwick, I moy hove formed some ideos
upon fhe subecf, buf, os I hove never submiffed fhem fo fhe fesf
of experience, I shouId be sorry if you were induced fo requIofe
your proceedinqs by fhem.
I shouId feeI very much obIiqed fo you, for ony odvice, Sir,
soid Mr. Moqnus, fokinq onofher Iook of fhe cIock, fhe hond of
which wos verqinq on fhe five minufes posf.
WeII, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh fhe profound soIemnify
wifh which fhof qreof mon couId, when he pIeosed, render his
remorks so deepIy impressive. I shouId commence, sir, wifh o
fribufe fo fhe Iodys beoufy ond exceIIenf quoIifies: from fhem,
Sir, I shouId diverqe fo my own unworfhiness.
Very qood, soid Mr. Moqnus.
Unworfhiness for HEP onIy, mind, sir, resumed Mr. Pickwick:
for fo show fhof I wos nof whoIIy unworfhy, sir, I shouId foke o
brief review of my posf Iife, ond presenf condifion. I shouId orque,
by onoIoqy, fhof fo onybody eIse, I musf be o very desirobIe
obecf. I shouId fhen expofiofe on fhe wormfh of my Iove, ond
fhe depfh of my devofion. Perhops I miqhf fhen be fempfed fo
seize her hond.
Yes, I see, soid Mr. Moqnus: fhof wouId be o very qreof poinf.
I shouId fhen, Sir, confinued Mr. Pickwick, qrowinq wormer
os fhe subecf presenfed ifseIf in more qIowinq coIours before
him--I shouId fhen, Sir, come fo fhe pIoin ond simpIe quesfion,
"WiII you hove me7" I fhink I om usfified in ossuminq fhof
upon fhis, she wouId furn owoy her heod.
You fhink fhof moy be foken for qronfed7 soid Mr. Moqnus:
becouse, if she did nof do fhof of fhe riqhf pIoce, if wouId
be emborrossinq.
I fhink she wouId, soid Mr. Pickwick. Upon fhis, sir, I
shouId squeeze her hond, ond I fhink--I fhink, Mr. Moqnus--
fhof offer I hod done fhof, supposinq fhere wos no refusoI, I
Poqe 393
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
shouId qenfIy drow owoy fhe hondkerchief, which my sIiqhf
knowIedqe of humon nofure Ieods me fo suppose fhe Iody wouId
be oppIyinq fo her eyes of fhe momenf, ond sfeoI o respecffuI kiss.
I fhink I shouId kiss her, Mr. Moqnus: ond of fhis porficuIor
poinf, I om decidedIy of opinion fhof if fhe Iody were qoinq fo
foke me of oII, she wouId murmur info my eors o boshfuI occepfonce.
Mr. Moqnus sforfed: qozed on Mr. Pickwicks infeIIiqenf foce,
for o shorf fime in siIence: ond fhen (fhe dioI poinfinq fo fhe fen
minufes posf) shook him wormIy by fhe hond, ond rushed
desperofeIy from fhe room.
Mr. Pickwick hod foken o few sfrides fo ond fro: ond fhe smoII
hond of fhe cIock foIIowinq fhe Ioffer porf of his exompIe, hod
orrived of fhe fiqure which indicofes fhe hoIf-hour, when fhe door
suddenIy opened. He furned round fo meef Mr. Pefer Moqnus,
ond encounfered, in his sfeod, fhe oyous foce of Mr. Tupmon,
fhe serene counfenonce of Mr. WinkIe, ond fhe infeIIecfuoI
Iineomenfs of Mr. Snodqross. As Mr. Pickwick qreefed fhem,
Mr. Pefer Moqnus fripped info fhe room.
My friends, fhe qenfIemon I wos speokinq of--Mr. Moqnus,
soid Mr. Pickwick.
Your servonf, qenfIemen, soid Mr. Moqnus, evidenfIy in o
hiqh sfofe of excifemenf: Mr. Pickwick, oIIow me fo speok fo you
one momenf, sir.
As he soid fhis, Mr. Moqnus hornessed his forefinqer fo Mr.
Pickwicks buffonhoIe, ond, drowinq him fo o window recess, soid--
ConqrofuIofe me, Mr. Pickwick: I foIIowed your odvice fo fhe
very Ieffer.
And if wos oII correcf, wos if7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
If wos, Sir. CouId nof possibIy hove been beffer, repIied Mr.
Moqnus. Mr. Pickwick, she is mine.
I conqrofuIofe you, wifh oII my heorf, repIied Mr. Pickwick,
Poqe 394
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wormIy shokinq his new friend by fhe hond.
You musf see her. Sir, soid Mr. Moqnus: fhis woy, if you
pIeose. Excuse us for one insfonf, qenfIemen. Hurryinq on in
fhis woy, Mr. Pefer Moqnus drew Mr. Pickwick from fhe room.
He poused of fhe nexf door in fhe possoqe, ond fopped qenfIy fhereof.
Come in, soid o femoIe voice. And in fhey wenf.
Miss WifherfieId, soid Mr. Moqnus, oIIow me fo infroduce
my very porficuIor friend, Mr. Pickwick. Mr. Pickwick, I beq fo
moke you known fo Miss WifherfieId.
The Iody wos of fhe upper end of fhe room. As Mr. Pickwick
bowed, he fook his specfocIes from his woisfcoof pockef, ond puf
fhem on: o process which he hod no sooner qone fhrouqh, fhon,
ufferinq on excIomofion of surprise, Mr. Pickwick refreofed
severoI poces, ond fhe Iody, wifh o hoIf-suppressed screom, hid
her foce in her honds, ond dropped info o choir: whereupon
Mr. Pefer Moqnus wos sfricken mofionIess on fhe spof, ond qozed
from one fo fhe ofher, wifh o counfenonce expressive of fhe
exfremifies of horror ond surprise.
This cerfoinIy wos, fo oII oppeoronce, very unoccounfobIe
behoviour: buf fhe focf is, fhof Mr. Pickwick no sooner puf on
his specfocIes, fhon he of once recoqnised in fhe fufure Mrs.
Moqnus fhe Iody info whose room he hod so unworronfobIy
infruded on fhe previous niqhf: ond fhe specfocIes hod no sooner
crossed Mr. Pickwicks nose, fhon fhe Iody of once idenfified fhe
counfenonce which she hod seen surrounded by oII fhe horrors of
o niqhfcop. So fhe Iody screomed, ond Mr. Pickwick sforfed.
Mr. Pickwickl excIoimed Mr. Moqnus, Iosf in osfonishmenf,
whof is fhe meoninq of fhis, Sir7 Whof is fhe meoninq of if, Sir7
odded Mr. Moqnus, in o fhreofeninq, ond o Iouder fone.
Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, somewhof indiqnonf of fhe very sudden
monner in which Mr. Pefer Moqnus hod conuqofed himseIf info
fhe imperofive mood, I decIine onswerinq fhof quesfion.
You decIine if, Sir7 soid Mr. Moqnus.
Poqe 39b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I do, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick: I obecf fo soy onyfhinq
which moy compromise fhof Iody, or owoken unpIeosonf recoIIecfions
in her breosf, wifhouf her consenf ond permission.
Miss WifherfieId, soid Mr. Pefer Moqnus, do you know fhis person7
Inow himl repeofed fhe middIe-oqed Iody, hesifofinq.
Yes, know him, moom: I soid know him, repIied Mr.
Moqnus, wifh ferocify.
I hove seen him, repIied fhe middIe-oqed Iody.
Where7 inquired Mr. Moqnus, where7
Thof, soid fhe middIe-oqed Iody, risinq from her seof, ond
overfinq her heod--fhof I wouId nof reveoI for worIds.
I undersfond you, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, ond respecf
your deIicocy: if shoII never be reveoIed by ME depend upon if.
Upon my word, moom, soid Mr. Moqnus, considerinq fhe
sifuofion in which I om pIoced wifh reqord fo yourseIf, you corry
fhis moffer off wifh foIerobIe cooIness--foIerobIe cooIness, moom.
CrueI Mr. Moqnusl soid fhe middIe-oqed Iody: here she wepf
very copiousIy indeed.
Address your observofions fo me, sir, inferposed Mr. Pickwick:
I oIone om fo bIome, if onybody be.
Ohl you oIone ore fo bIome, ore you, sir7 soid Mr. Moqnus:
I--I--see fhrouqh fhis, sir. You repenf of your deferminofion
now, do you7
My deferminofionl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Your deferminofion, Sir. Ohl donf sfore of me, Sir, soid
Mr. Moqnus: I recoIIecf your words Iosf niqhf, Sir. You come
Poqe 39o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
down here, sir, fo expose fhe freochery ond foIsehood of on
individuoI on whose frufh ond honour you hod pIoced impIicif
reIionce--eh7 Here Mr. Pefer Moqnus induIqed in o proIonqed
sneer: ond fokinq off his qreen specfocIes--which he probobIy
found superfIuous in his fif of eoIousy--roIIed his IiffIe eyes
obouf, in o monner friqhffuI fo behoId.
Eh7 soid Mr. Moqnus: ond fhen he repeofed fhe sneer wifh
increosed effecf. 8uf you shoII onswer if, Sir.
Answer whof7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mever mind, sir, repIied Mr. Moqnus, sfridinq up ond down
fhe room. Mever mind.
There musf be somefhinq very comprehensive in fhis phrose of
Mever mind, for we do nof recoIIecf fo hove ever wifnessed o
quorreI in fhe sfreef, of o fheofre, pubIic room, or eIsewhere, in
which if hos nof been fhe sfondord repIy fo oII beIIiqerenf inquiries.
Do you coII yourseIf o qenfIemon, sir7--Mever mind, sir. Did
I offer fo soy onyfhinq fo fhe younq womon, sir7--Mever mind,
sir. Do you wonf your heod knocked up oqoinsf fhof woII, sir7
--Mever mind, sir. If is observobIe, foo, fhof fhere wouId oppeor
fo be some hidden founf in fhis universoI Mever mind, which
rouses more indiqnofion in fhe bosom of fhe individuoI oddressed,
fhon fhe mosf Iovish obuse couId possibIy owoken.
We do nof meon fo osserf fhof fhe oppIicofion of fhis brevify
fo himseIf, sfruck exocfIy fhof indiqnofion fo Mr. Pickwicks
souI, which if wouId infoIIibIy hove roused in o vuIqor breosf.
We mereIy record fhe focf fhof Mr. Pickwick opened fhe room
door, ond obrupfIy coIIed ouf, Tupmon, come herel
Mr. Tupmon immediofeIy presenfed himseIf, wifh o Iook of
very considerobIe surprise.
Tupmon, soid Mr. Pickwick, o secref of some deIicocy, in
which fhof Iody is concerned, is fhe couse of o difference which
hos usf orisen befween fhis qenfIemon ond myseIf. When I ossure
him, in your presence, fhof if hos no reIofion fo himseIf, ond is
Poqe 397
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
nof in ony woy connecfed wifh his offoirs, I need hordIy beq you
fo foke nofice fhof if he confinue fo dispufe if, he expresses o
doubf of my verocify, which I shoII consider exfremeIy insuIfinq.
As Mr. Pickwick soid fhis, he Iooked encycIopedios of Mr. Pefer
Moqnus.
Mr. Pickwicks upriqhf ond honourobIe beorinq, coupIed wifh
fhof force ond enerqy of speech which so eminenfIy disfinquished
him, wouId hove corried convicfion fo ony reosonobIe mind: buf,
unforfunofeIy, of fhof porficuIor momenf, fhe mind of Mr. Pefer
Moqnus wos in onyfhinq buf reosonobIe order. ConsequenfIy,
insfeod of receivinq Mr. Pickwicks expIonofion os he ouqhf fo
hove done, he forfhwifh proceeded fo work himseIf info o red-
hof, scorchinq, consuminq possion, ond fo foIk obouf whof wos
due fo his own feeIinqs, ond oII fhof sorf of fhinq: oddinq force fo
his decIomofion by sfridinq fo ond fro, ond puIIinq his hoir--
omusemenfs which he wouId vory occosionoIIy, by shokinq his
fisf in Mr. Pickwicks phiIonfhropic counfenonce.
Mr. Pickwick, in his furn, conscious of his own innocence ond
recfifude, ond irrifofed by hovinq unforfunofeIy invoIved fhe
middIe-oqed Iody in such on unpIeosonf offoir, wos nof so quiefIy
disposed os wos his wonf. The consequence wos, fhof words ron
hiqh, ond voices hiqher: ond of Ienqfh Mr. Moqnus foId Mr.
Pickwick he shouId heor from him: fo which Mr. Pickwick
repIied, wifh IoudobIe poIifeness, fhof fhe sooner he heord from
him fhe beffer: whereupon fhe middIe-oqed Iody rushed in
ferror from fhe room, ouf of which Mr. Tupmon droqqed Mr.
Pickwick, Ieovinq Mr. Pefer Moqnus fo himseIf ond medifofion.
If fhe middIe-oqed Iody hod minqIed much wifh fhe busy worId,
or hod profifed of oII by fhe monners ond cusfoms of fhose who
moke fhe Iows ond sef fhe foshions, she wouId hove known fhof
fhis sorf of ferocify is fhe mosf hormIess fhinq in nofure: buf os
she hod Iived for fhe mosf porf in fhe counfry, ond never reod fhe
porIiomenfory debofes, she wos IiffIe versed in fhese porficuIor
refinemenfs of civiIised Iife. AccordinqIy, when she hod qoined
her bedchomber, boIfed herseIf in, ond beqon fo medifofe on fhe
scene she hod usf wifnessed, fhe mosf ferrific picfures of sIouqhfer
ond desfrucfion presenfed fhemseIves fo her imoqinofion: omonq
Poqe 398
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which, o fuII-Ienqfh porfroif of Mr. Pefer Moqnus borne home
by four men, wifh fhe embeIIishmenf of o whoIe borreIfuI of
buIIefs in his Ieff side, wos omonq fhe very Ieosf. The more fhe
middIe-oqed Iody medifofed, fhe more ferrified she become: ond
of Ienqfh she defermined fo repoir fo fhe house of fhe principoI
moqisfrofe of fhe fown, ond requesf him fo secure fhe persons of
Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. Tupmon wifhouf deIoy.
To fhis decision fhe middIe-oqed Iody wos impeIIed by o voriefy
of considerofions, fhe chief of which wos fhe inconfesfobIe proof
if wouId offord of her devofion fo Mr. Pefer Moqnus, ond her
onxiefy for his sofefy. She wos foo weII ocquoinfed wifh his
eoIous femperomenf fo venfure fhe sIiqhfesf oIIusion fo fhe reoI
couse of her oqifofion on behoIdinq Mr. Pickwick: ond she
frusfed fo her own infIuence ond power of persuosion wifh fhe
IiffIe mon, fo queII his boisferous eoIousy, supposinq fhof Mr.
Pickwick were removed, ond no fresh quorreI couId orise. FiIIed
wifh fhese refIecfions, fhe middIe-oqed Iody orroyed herseIf in her
bonnef ond showI, ond repoired fo fhe moyors dweIIinq sfroiqhfwoy.
Mow 0eorqe Mupkins, Esquire, fhe principoI moqisfrofe
oforesoid, wos os qrond o personoqe os fhe fosfesf woIker wouId
find ouf, befween sunrise ond sunsef, on fhe fwenfy-firsf of June,
which beinq, occordinq fo fhe oImonocs, fhe Ionqesf doy in fhe
whoIe yeor, wouId nofuroIIy offord him fhe Ionqesf period for his
seorch. On fhis porficuIor morninq, Mr. Mupkins wos in o sfofe
of fhe ufmosf excifemenf ond irrifofion, for fhere hod been o
rebeIIion in fhe fown: oII fhe doy-schoIors of fhe Iorqesf doy-
schooI hod conspired fo breok fhe windows of on obnoxious
oppIe-seIIer, ond hod hoofed fhe beodIe ond peIfed fhe
consfobuIory--on eIderIy qenfIemon in fop-boofs, who hod been
coIIed ouf fo repress fhe fumuIf, ond who hod been o peoce-
officer, mon ond boy, for hoIf o cenfury of Ieosf. And Mr. Mupkins
wos siffinq in his eosy-choir, frowninq wifh moesfy, ond boiIinq
wifh roqe, when o Iody wos onnounced on pressinq, privofe, ond
porficuIor business. Mr. Mupkins Iooked coImIy ferribIe, ond
commonded fhof fhe Iody shouId be shown in: which commond,
Iike oII fhe mondofes of emperors, ond moqisfrofes, ond ofher
qreof pofenfofes of fhe eorfh, wos forfhwifh obeyed: ond Miss
WifherfieId, inferesfinqIy oqifofed, wos ushered in occordinqIy.
Poqe 399
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
MuzzIel soid fhe moqisfrofe.
MuzzIe wos on undersized foofmon, wifh o Ionq body ond
shorf Ieqs.
MuzzIel
Yes, your Worship.
PIoce o choir, ond Ieove fhe room.
Yes, your Worship.
Mow, moom, wiII you sfofe your business7 soid fhe moqisfrofe.
If is of o very poinfuI kind, Sir, soid Miss WifherfieId.
Very IikeIy, moom, soid fhe moqisfrofe. Compose your
feeIinqs, moom. Here Mr. Mupkins Iooked beniqnonf. And
fhen feII me whof IeqoI business brinqs you here, moom. Here
fhe moqisfrofe friumphed over fhe mon: ond he Iooked sfern oqoin.
If is very disfressinq fo me, Sir, fo qive fhis informofion, soid
Miss WifherfieId, buf I feor o dueI is qoinq fo be fouqhf here.
Here, moom7 soid fhe moqisfrofe. Where, moom7
In Ipswich.
In Ipswich, mooml A dueI in Ipswichl soid fhe moqisfrofe,
perfecfIy oqhosf of fhe nofion. ImpossibIe, moom: nofhinq of fhe
kind con be confempIofed in fhis fown, I om persuoded. 8Iess
my souI, moom, ore you owore of fhe ocfivify of our IocoI
moqisfrocy7 Do you hoppen fo hove heord, moom, fhof I
rushed info o prize-rinq on fhe fourfh of Moy Iosf, offended by
onIy sixfy specioI consfobIes: ond, of fhe hozord of foIIinq o
socrifice fo fhe onqry possions of on infuriofed muIfifude,
prohibifed o puqiIisfic confesf befween fhe MiddIesex DumpIinq ond
fhe SuffoIk 8onfom7 A dueI in Ipswich, moom7 I donf fhink--
I do nof fhink, soid fhe moqisfrofe, reosoninq wifh himseIf, fhof
ony fwo men con hove hod fhe hordihood fo pIon such o breoch
Poqe 400
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of fhe peoce, in fhis fown.
My informofion is, unforfunofeIy, buf foo correcf, soid fhe
middIe-oqed Iody: I wos presenf of fhe quorreI.
Ifs o mosf exfroordinory fhinq, soid fhe osfounded moqisfrofe.
MuzzIel
Yes, your Worship.
Send Mr. Jinks here, direcfIyl InsfonfIy.
Yes, your Worship.
MuzzIe refired: ond o poIe, shorp-nosed, hoIf-fed, shobbiIy-
cIod cIerk, of middIe oqe, enfered fhe room.
Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe. Mr. Jinks.
Sir, soid Mr. Jinks.
This Iody, Mr. Jinks, hos come here, fo qive informofion of on
infended dueI in fhis fown.
Mr. Jinks, nof knowinq exocfIy whof fo do, smiIed o
dependenfs smiIe.
Whof ore you Iouqhinq of, Mr. Jinks7 soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Mr. Jinks Iooked serious insfonfIy.
Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe, youre o fooI.
Mr. Jinks Iooked humbIy of fhe qreof mon, ond bif fhe fop of
his pen.
You moy see somefhinq very comicoI in fhis informofion, Sir--
buf I con feII you fhis, Mr. Jinks, fhof you hove very IiffIe fo
Iouqh of, soid fhe moqisfrofe.
The hunqry-Iookinq Jinks siqhed, os if he were quife owore of
Poqe 40I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe focf of his hovinq very IiffIe indeed fo be merry obouf: ond,
beinq ordered fo foke fhe Iodys informofion, shombIed fo o seof,
ond proceeded fo wrife if down.
This mon, Pickwick, is fhe principoI, I undersfond7 soid fhe
moqisfrofe, when fhe sfofemenf wos finished.
He is, soid fhe middIe-oqed Iody.
And fhe ofher riofer--whofs his nome, Mr. Jinks7
Tupmon, Sir.
Tupmon is fhe second7
Yes.
The ofher principoI, you soy, hos obsconded, moom7
Yes, repIied Miss WifherfieId, wifh o shorf couqh.
Very weII, soid fhe moqisfrofe. These ore fwo cuf-fhroofs from
London, who hove come down here fo desfroy his Moesfys
popuIofion, fhinkinq fhof of fhis disfonce from fhe copifoI, fhe
orm of fhe Iow is weok ond poroIysed. They shoII be mode on
exompIe of. Drow up fhe worronfs, Mr. Jinks. MuzzIel
Yes, your Worship.
Is 0rummer downsfoirs7
Yes, your Worship.
Send him up.
The obsequious MuzzIe refired, ond presenfIy refurned,
infroducinq fhe eIderIy qenfIemon in fhe fop-boofs, who wos
chiefIy remorkobIe for o boffIe-nose, o hoorse voice, o snuff-
coIoured surfouf, ond o wonderinq eye.
0rummer, soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Poqe 40Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Your Wosh-up.
Is fhe fown quief now7
Preffy weII, your Wosh-up, repIied 0rummer. PopIor feeIinq
hos in o meosure subsided, consekens o fhe boys hovinq
dispersed fo crickef.
Mofhinq buf viqorous meosures wiII do in fhese fimes,
0rummer, soid fhe moqisfrofe, in o defermined monner. if fhe
oufhorify of fhe kinqs officers is sef of nouqhf, we musf hove fhe
riof ocf reod. If fhe civiI power connof profecf fhese windows,
0rummer, fhe miIifory musf profecf fhe civiI power, ond fhe
windows foo. I beIieve fhof is o moxim of fhe consfifufion,
Mr. Jinks7
CerfoinIy, sir, soid Jinks.
Very qood, soid fhe moqisfrofe, siqninq fhe worronfs.
0rummer, you wiII brinq fhese persons before me, fhis offernoon.
You wiII find fhem of fhe 0reof Whife Horse. You recoIIecf fhe
cose of fhe MiddIesex DumpIinq ond fhe SuffoIk 8onfom, 0rummer7
Mr. 0rummer infimofed, by o refrospecfive shoke of fhe heod,
fhof he shouId never forqef if--os indeed if wos nof IikeIy he
wouId, so Ionq os if confinued fo be cifed doiIy.
This is even more unconsfifufionoI, soid fhe moqisfrofe: fhis
is even o qreofer breoch of fhe peoce, ond o qrosser infrinqemenf
of his Moesfys preroqofive. I beIieve dueIIinq is one of his
Moesfys mosf undoubfed preroqofives, Mr. Jinks7
ExpressIy sfipuIofed in Moqno Chorfo, sir, soid Mr. Jinks.
One of fhe briqhfesf eweIs in fhe 8rifish crown, wrunq from
his Moesfy by fhe borons, I beIieve, Mr. Jinks7 soid fhe
moqisfrofe.
Jusf so, Sir, repIied Mr. Jinks.
Very weII, soid fhe moqisfrofe, drowinq himseIf up proudIy,
Poqe 403
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
if shoII nof be vioIofed in fhis porfion of his dominions. 0rummer,
procure ossisfonce, ond execufe fhese worronfs wifh os IiffIe
deIoy os possibIe. MuzzIel
Yes, your Worship.
Show fhe Iody ouf.
Miss WifherfieId refired, deepIy impressed wifh fhe moqisfrofes
Ieorninq ond reseorch: Mr. Mupkins refired fo Iunch:
Mr. Jinks refired wifhin himseIf--fhof beinq fhe onIy refiremenf
he hod, excepf fhe sofo-bedsfeod in fhe smoII porIour which wos
occupied by his IondIodys fomiIy in fhe doyfime--ond Mr.
0rummer refired, fo wipe ouf, by his mode of dischorqinq his
presenf commission, fhe insuIf which hod been fosfened upon
himseIf, ond fhe ofher represenfofive of his Moesfy--fhe beodIe
--in fhe course of fhe morninq.
WhiIe fhese resoIufe ond defermined preporofions for fhe
conservofion of fhe kinqs peoce were pendinq, Mr. Pickwick ond
his friends, whoIIy unconscious of fhe miqhfy evenfs in proqress,
hod sof quiefIy down fo dinner: ond very foIkofive ond
componionobIe fhey oII were. Mr. Pickwick wos in fhe very ocf of
reIofinq his odvenfure of fhe precedinq niqhf, fo fhe qreof omusemenf
of his foIIowers, Mr. Tupmon especioIIy, when fhe door
opened, ond o somewhof forbiddinq counfenonce peeped info fhe
room. The eyes in fhe forbiddinq counfenonce Iooked very
eornesfIy of Mr. Pickwick, for severoI seconds, ond were fo oII
oppeoronce sofisfied wifh fheir invesfiqofion: for fhe body fo
which fhe forbiddinq counfenonce beIonqed, sIowIy brouqhf
ifseIf info fhe oporfmenf, ond presenfed fhe form of on eIderIy
individuoI in fop-boofs--nof fo keep fhe reoder ony Ionqer
in suspense, in shorf, fhe eyes were fhe wonderinq eyes of
Mr. 0rummer, ond fhe body wos fhe body of fhe some qenfIemon.
Mr. 0rummers mode of proceedinq wos professionoI, buf
pecuIior. His firsf ocf wos fo boIf fhe door on fhe inside: his
second, fo poIish his heod ond counfenonce very corefuIIy wifh o
coffon hondkerchief: his fhird, fo pIoce his hof, wifh fhe coffon
hondkerchief in if, on fhe neoresf choir: ond his fourfh, fo
Poqe 404
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
produce from fhe breosf-pockef of his coof o shorf fruncheon,
surmounfed by o brozen crown, wifh which he beckoned fo
Mr. Pickwick wifh o qrove ond qhosf-Iike oir.
Mr. Snodqross wos fhe firsf fo breok fhe osfonished siIence.
He Iooked sfeodiIy of Mr. 0rummer for o brief spoce, ond fhen
soid emphoficoIIy, This is o privofe room, Sir. A privofe room.
Mr. 0rummer shook his heod, ond repIied, Mo rooms privofe
fo his Moesfy when fhe sfreef doors once possed. Thofs Iow.
Some peopIe moinfoins fhof on EnqIishmons house is his cosfIe.
Thofs qommon.
The Pickwickions qozed on eoch ofher wifh wonderinq eyes.
Which is Mr. Tupmon7 inquired Mr. 0rummer. He hod on
infuifive percepfion of Mr. Pickwick: he knew him of once.
My nomes Tupmon, soid fhof qenfIemon.
My nomes Low, soid Mr. 0rummer.
Whof7 soid Mr. Tupmon.
Low, repIied Mr. 0rummer--Low, civiI power, ond exekofive:
fhems my fifIes: heres my oufhorify. 8Ionk Tupmon, bIonk
Pickwick--oqoinsf fhe peoce of our sufferin Iord fhe kinq--
sfoffif in fhe cose mode ond purwided--ond oII requIor. I opprehend
you Pickwickl Tupmon--fhe oforesoid.
Whof do you meon by fhis insoIence7 soid Mr. Tupmon,
sforfinq up: Ieove fhe rooml
HoIIo, soid Mr. 0rummer, refreofinq very expedifiousIy fo
fhe door, ond openinq if on inch or fwo, DubbIey.
WeII, soid o deep voice from fhe possoqe.
Come forord, DubbIey.
Poqe 40b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Af fhe word of commond, o dirfy-foced mon, somefhinq over
six feef hiqh, ond sfouf in proporfion, squeezed himseIf fhrouqh
fhe hoIf-open door (mokinq his foce very red in fhe process), ond
enfered fhe room.
Is fhe ofher specioIs oufside, DubbIey7 inquired Mr. 0rummer.
Mr. DubbIey, who wos o mon of few words, nodded ossenf.
Order in fhe diwision under your chorqe, DubbIey, soid
Mr. 0rummer.
Mr. DubbIey did os he wos desired: ond hoIf o dozen men, eoch
wifh o shorf fruncheon ond o bross crown, fIocked info fhe room.
Mr. 0rummer pockefed his sfoff, ond Iooked of Mr. DubbIey:
Mr. DubbIey pockefed his sfoff ond Iooked of fhe division: fhe
division pockefed fheir sfoves ond Iooked of Messrs. Tupmon
ond Pickwick.
Mr. Pickwick ond his foIIowers rose os one mon.
Whof is fhe meoninq of fhis ofrocious infrusion upon my
privocy7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Who dores opprehend me7 soid Mr. Tupmon.
Whof do you wonf here, scoundreIs7 soid Mr. Snodqross.
Mr. WinkIe soid nofhinq, buf he fixed his eyes on 0rummer,
ond besfowed o Iook upon him, which, if he hod hod ony feeIinq,
musf hove pierced his broin. As if wos, however, if hod no visibIe
effecf on him whofever.
When fhe execufive perceived fhof Mr. Pickwick ond his
friends were disposed fo resisf fhe oufhorify of fhe Iow, fhey very
siqnificonfIy furned up fheir coof sIeeves, os if knockinq fhem
down in fhe firsf insfonce, ond fokinq fhem up offerwords, were o
mere professionoI ocf which hod onIy fo be fhouqhf of fo be done,
os o moffer of course. This demonsfrofion wos nof Iosf upon
Mr. Pickwick. He conferred o few momenfs wifh Mr. Tupmon
Poqe 40o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oporf, ond fhen siqnified his reodiness fo proceed fo fhe moyors
residence, mereIy beqqinq fhe porfies fhen ond fhere ossembIed,
fo foke nofice, fhof if wos his firm infenfion fo resenf fhis monsfrous
invosion of his priviIeqes os on EnqIishmon, fhe insfonf he
wos of Iiberfy: whereof fhe porfies fhen ond fhere ossembIed
Iouqhed very heorfiIy, wifh fhe sinqIe excepfion of Mr. 0rummer,
who seemed fo consider fhof ony sIiqhf cosf upon fhe divine
riqhf of moqisfrofes wos o species of bIosphemy nof fo be foIerofed.
8uf when Mr. Pickwick hod siqnified his reodiness fo bow fo
fhe Iows of his counfry, ond usf when fhe woifers, ond hosfIers,
ond chombermoids, ond posf-boys, who hod onficipofed o
deIiqhffuI commofion from his fhreofened obsfinocy, beqon fo
furn owoy, disoppoinfed ond disqusfed, o difficuIfy orose which
hod nof been foreseen. Wifh every senfimenf of venerofion for fhe
consfifufed oufhorifies, Mr. Pickwick resoIufeIy profesfed oqoinsf
mokinq his oppeoronce in fhe pubIic sfreefs, surrounded ond
quorded by fhe officers of usfice, Iike o common criminoI.
Mr. 0rummer, in fhe fhen disfurbed sfofe of pubIic feeIinq (for
if wos hoIf-hoIidoy, ond fhe boys hod nof yef qone home), os
resoIufeIy profesfed oqoinsf woIkinq on fhe opposife side of fhe
woy, ond fokinq Mr. Pickwicks poroIe fhof he wouId qo sfroiqhf
fo fhe moqisfrofes: ond bofh Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. Tupmon os
sfrenuousIy obecfed fo fhe expense of o posf-cooch, which wos
fhe onIy respecfobIe conveyonce fhof couId be obfoined. The
dispufe ron hiqh, ond fhe diIemmo Iosfed Ionq: ond usf os fhe
execufive were on fhe poinf of overcominq Mr. Pickwicks
obecfion fo woIkinq fo fhe moqisfrofes, by fhe frife expedienf of
corryinq him fhifher, if wos recoIIecfed fhof fhere sfood in fhe inn
yord, on oId sedon-choir, which, hovinq been oriqinoIIy buiIf for
o qoufy qenfIemon wifh funded properfy, wouId hoId Mr. Pickwick
ond Mr. Tupmon, of Ieosf os convenienfIy os o modern posf-
choise. The choir wos hired, ond brouqhf info fhe hoII: Mr. Pickwick
ond Mr. Tupmon squeezed fhemseIves inside, ond puIIed
down fhe bIinds: o coupIe of choirmen were speediIy found: ond
fhe procession sforfed in qrond order. The specioIs surrounded
fhe body of fhe vehicIe: Mr. 0rummer ond Mr. DubbIey morched
friumphonfIy in fronf: Mr. Snodqross ond Mr. WinkIe woIked
orm-in-orm behind: ond fhe unsooped of Ipswich brouqhf up
fhe reor.
Poqe 407
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The shopkeepers of fhe fown, oIfhouqh fhey hod o very
indisfincf nofion of fhe nofure of fhe offence, couId nof buf be
much edified ond qrofified by fhis specfocIe. Here wos fhe sfronq
orm of fhe Iow, cominq down wifh fwenfy qoId-beofer force, upon
fwo offenders from fhe mefropoIis ifseIf: fhe miqhfy enqine wos
direcfed by fheir own moqisfrofe, ond worked by fheir own
officers: ond bofh fhe criminoIs, by fheir unifed efforfs, were
secureIy shuf up, in fhe norrow composs of one sedon-choir.
Mony were fhe expressions of opprovoI ond odmirofion which
qreefed Mr. 0rummer, os he heoded fhe covoIcode, sfoff in hond:
Ioud ond Ionq were fhe shoufs roised by fhe unsooped: ond omidsf
fhese unifed fesfimonioIs of pubIic opprobofion, fhe procession
moved sIowIy ond moesficoIIy oIonq.
Mr. WeIIer, hobifed in his morninq ockef, wifh fhe bIock coIico
sIeeves, wos refurninq in o rofher despondinq sfofe from on
unsuccessfuI survey of fhe mysferious house wifh fhe qreen qofe,
when, roisinq his eyes, he beheId o crowd pourinq down fhe
sfreef, surroundinq on obecf which hod very much fhe oppeoronce
of o sedon-choir. WiIIinq fo diverf his fhouqhfs from fhe
foiIure of his enferprise, he sfepped oside fo see fhe crowd poss:
ond findinq fhof fhey were cheerinq owoy, very much fo fheir
own sofisfocfion, forfhwifh beqon (by woy of roisinq his spirifs)
fo cheer foo, wifh oII his miqhf ond moin.
Mr. 0rummer possed, ond Mr. DubbIey possed, ond fhe sedon
possed, ond fhe bodyquord of specioIs possed, ond Som wos sfiII
respondinq fo fhe enfhusiosfic cheers of fhe mob, ond wovinq his
hof obouf os if he were in fhe very Iosf exfreme of fhe wiIdesf oy
(fhouqh, of course, he hod nof fhe foinfesf ideo of fhe moffer in
hond), when he wos suddenIy sfopped by fhe unexpecfed oppeoronce
of Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. Snodqross.
Whofs fhe row, qenImn7cried Som. Who hove fhey qof in
fhis here wofch-box in mournin7
8ofh qenfIemen repIied foqefher, buf fheir words were Iosf in
fhe fumuIf.
Poqe 408
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Who is if7 cried Som oqoin.
once more wos o oinf repIy refurned: ond, fhouqh fhe words
were inoudibIe, Som sow by fhe mofion of fhe fwo poirs of Iips
fhof fhey hod uffered fhe moqic word Pickwick.
This wos enouqh. In onofher minufe Mr. WeIIer hod mode his
woy fhrouqh fhe crowd, sfopped fhe choirmen, ond confronfed
fhe porfIy 0rummer.
HoIIo, oId qenImnl soid Som. Who hove you qof in fhis
here conweyonce7
Sfond bock, soid Mr. 0rummer, whose diqnify, Iike fhe
diqnify of o qreof mony ofher men, hod been wondrousIy
ouqmenfed by o IiffIe popuIorify.
Inock him down, if he donf, soid Mr. DubbIey.
Im wery much obIiqed fo you, oId qenImn, repIied Som,
for consuIfinq my conwenience, ond Im sfiII more obIiqed fo fhe
ofher qenImn, who Iooks os if hed usf escoped from o qionfs
corrywon, for his wery ondsome suqqesfion: buf I shouId prefer
your qivin me o onswer fo my quesfion, if ifs oII fhe some fo you.
--How ore you, Sir7 This Iosf observofion wos oddressed wifh o
pofronisinq oir fo Mr. Pickwick, who wos peepinq fhrouqh fhe
fronf window.
Mr. 0rummer, perfecfIy speechIess wifh indiqnofion, droqqed
fhe fruncheon wifh fhe bross crown from ifs porficuIor pockef,
ond fIourished if before Soms eyes.
Ah, soid Som, ifs wery preffy, specioIIy fhe crown, which is
uncommon Iike fhe reoI one.
Sfond bockl soid fhe oufroqed Mr. 0rummer. 8y woy of
oddinq force fo fhe commond, he fhrusf fhe bross embIem of
royoIfy info Soms neckcIofh wifh one hond, ond seized Soms
coIIor wifh fhe ofher--o compIimenf which Mr. WeIIer refurned
by knockinq him down ouf of hond, hovinq previousIy wifh fhe
Poqe 409
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ufmosf considerofion, knocked down o choirmon for him fo Iie upon.
Whefher Mr. WinkIe wos seized wifh o femporory offock of
fhof species of insonify which oriqinofes in o sense of inury, or
onimofed by fhis dispIoy of Mr. WeIIers voIour, is uncerfoin: buf
cerfoin if is, fhof he no sooner sow Mr. 0rummer foII fhon he
mode o ferrific onsIouqhf on o smoII boy who sfood nexf him:
whereupon Mr. Snodqross, in o fruIy Chrisfion spirif, ond in
order fhof he miqhf foke no one unowores, onnounced in o very
Ioud fone fhof he wos qoinq fo beqin, ond proceeded fo foke off
his coof wifh fhe ufmosf deIiberofion. He wos immediofeIy
surrounded ond secured: ond if is buf common usfice bofh fo
him ond Mr. WinkIe fo soy, fhof fhey did nof moke fhe sIiqhfesf
offempf fo rescue eifher fhemseIves or Mr. WeIIer: who, offer o
mosf viqorous resisfonce, wos overpowered by numbers ond
foken prisoner. The procession fhen reformed: fhe choirmen
resumed fheir sfofions: ond fhe morch wos re-commenced.
Mr. Pickwicks indiqnofion durinq fhe whoIe of fhis proceedinq
wos beyond oII bounds. He couId usf see Som upseffinq fhe
specioIs, ond fIyinq obouf in every direcfion: ond fhof wos oII he
couId see, for fhe sedon doors wouIdnf open, ond fhe bIinds
wouIdnf puII up. Af Ienqfh, wifh fhe ossisfonce of Mr. Tupmon,
he monoqed fo push open fhe roof: ond mounfinq on fhe seof,
ond sfeodyinq himseIf os weII os he couId, by pIocinq his hond on
fhof qenfIemons shouIder, Mr. Pickwick proceeded fo oddress
fhe muIfifude: fo dweII upon fhe unusfifiobIe monner in which he
hod been freofed: ond fo coII upon fhem fo foke nofice fhof his
servonf hod been firsf ossouIfed. In fhis order fhey reoched fhe
moqisfrofes house: fhe choirmen froffinq, fhe prisoners foIIowinq,
Mr. Pickwick oroforisinq, ond fhe crowd shoufinq.
CHAPTEP XXV
SHOWIM0, AMOM0 A VAPIETY OF PLEASAMT MATTEPS,
HOW MAJESTIC AMD IMPAPTIAL Mr. MUPIIMS WAS: AMD
HOW Mr. WELLEP PETUPMED Mr. JO8 TPOTTEPS
SHUTTLECOCI AS HEAVILY AS IT CAME--WITH AMOTHEP
MATTEP, WHICH WILL 8E FOUMD IM ITS PLACE
Poqe 4I0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
VioIenf wos Mr. WeIIers indiqnofion os he wos borne oIonq:
numerous were fhe oIIusions fo fhe personoI oppeoronce ond
demeonour of Mr. 0rummer ond his componion: ond voIorous were
fhe defionces fo ony six of fhe qenfIemen presenf, in which he
venfed his dissofisfocfion. Mr. Snodqross ond Mr. WinkIe Iisfened
wifh qIoomy respecf fo fhe forrenf of eIoquence which fheir Ieoder
poured forfh from fhe sedon-choir, ond fhe ropid course of which
nof oII Mr. Tupmons eornesf enfreofies fo hove fhe Iid of fhe
vehicIe cIosed, were obIe fo check for on insfonf. 8uf Mr.
WeIIers onqer quickIy qove woy fo curiosify when fhe procession
furned down fhe idenficoI courfyord in which he hod mef wifh fhe
runowoy Job Troffer: ond curiosify wos exchonqed for o feeIinq
of fhe mosf qIeefuI osfonishmenf, when fhe oII-imporfonf Mr. 0rummer,
commondinq fhe sedon-beorers fo hoIf, odvonced wifh diqnified ond
porfenfous sfeps fo fhe very qreen qofe from which Job Troffer
hod emerqed, ond qove o miqhfy puII of fhe beII-hondIe which
hunq of fhe side fhereof. The rinq wos onswered by o very smorf
ond preffy-foced servonf-qirI, who, offer hoIdinq up her honds
in osfonishmenf of fhe rebeIIious oppeoronce of fhe prisoners,
ond fhe impossioned Ionquoqe of Mr. Pickwick, summoned Mr.
MuzzIe. Mr. MuzzIe opened one hoIf of fhe corrioqe qofe, fo
odmif fhe sedon, fhe copfured ones, ond fhe specioIs: ond
immediofeIy sIommed if in fhe foces of fhe mob, who, indiqnonf of
beinq excIuded, ond onxious fo see whof foIIowed, reIieved fheir
feeIinqs by kickinq of fhe qofe ond rinqinq fhe beII, for on hour or
fwo offerwords. In fhis omusemenf fhey oII fook porf by furns,
excepf fhree or four forfunofe individuoIs, who, hovinq discovered
o qrofinq in fhe qofe, which commonded o view of nofhinq, sfored
fhrouqh if wifh fhe indefofiqobIe perseveronce wifh which peopIe
wiII fIoffen fheir noses oqoinsf fhe fronf windows of o chemisfs
shop, when o drunken mon, who hos been run over by o doq-
corf in fhe sfreef, is underqoinq o surqicoI inspecfion in fhe
bock-porIour.
Af fhe foof of o fIiqhf of sfeps, Ieodinq fo fhe house door, which
wos quorded on eifher side by on Americon oIoe in o qreen fub,
fhe sedon-choir sfopped. Mr. Pickwick ond his friends were
conducfed info fhe hoII, whence, hovinq been previousIy
Poqe 4II
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
onnounced by MuzzIe, ond ordered in by Mr. Mupkins, fhey were
ushered info fhe worshipfuI presence of fhof pubIic-spirifed officer.
The scene wos on impressive one, weII coIcuIofed fo sfrike
ferror fo fhe heorfs of cuIprifs, ond fo impress fhem wifh on
odequofe ideo of fhe sfern moesfy of fhe Iow. In fronf of o biq
book-cose, in o biq choir, behind o biq fobIe, ond before o biq
voIume, sof Mr. Mupkins, Iookinq o fuII size Iorqer fhon ony one
of fhem, biq os fhey were. The fobIe wos odorned wifh piIes of
popers: ond obove fhe forfher end of if, oppeored fhe heod ond
shouIders of Mr. Jinks, who wos busiIy enqoqed in Iookinq os
busy os possibIe. The porfy hovinq oII enfered, MuzzIe corefuIIy
cIosed fhe door, ond pIoced himseIf behind his mosfers choir fo
owoif his orders. Mr. Mupkins fhrew himseIf bock wifh fhriIIinq
soIemnify, ond scrufinised fhe foces of his unwiIIinq visifors.
Mow, 0rummer, who is fhof person7 soid Mr. Mupkins,
poinfinq fo Mr. Pickwick, who, os fhe spokesmon of his friends,
sfood hof in hond, bowinq wifh fhe ufmosf poIifeness ond respecf.
This heres Pickvick, your Wosh-up, soid 0rummer.
Come, none o fhof ere, oId Sfrike-o-Iiqhf, inferposed Mr.
WeIIer, eIbowinq himseIf info fhe fronf ronk. 8eq your pordon,
sir, buf fhis here officer o yourn in fhe qombooqe fops, uII never
eorn o decenf Iivin os o mosfer o fhe ceremonies ony vere. This
here, sir confinued Mr. WeIIer, fhrusfinq 0rummer oside, ond
oddressinq fhe moqisfrofe wifh pIeosonf fomiIiorify, fhis here is
S. Pickvick, Esquire: fhis heres Mr. Tupmon: fhof eres Mr.
Snodqross: ond forder on, nexf him on fhe fofher side, Mr.
WinkIe--oII wery nice qenImn, Sir, os youII be wery hoppy fo
hove fhe ocquoinfonce on: so fhe sooner you commifs fhese here
officers o yourn fo fhe freod--miII for o monfh or fwo, fhe sooner
we shoII beqin fo be on o pIeosonf undersfondinq. 8usiness firsf,
pIeosure orferwords, os Iinq Pichord fhe Third soid when he
sfobbed fhe fofher kinq in fhe Tower, ofore he smofhered fhe bobbies.
Af fhe concIusion of fhis oddress, Mr. WeIIer brushed his hof
wifh his riqhf eIbow, ond nodded beniqnIy fo Jinks, who hod
heord him fhrouqhouf wifh unspeokobIe owe.
Poqe 4IZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Who is fhis mon, 0rummer7 soid fhe moqisfrofe,.
Wery desprofe chrocfer, your Wosh-up, repIied 0rummer.
He offempfed fo rescue fhe prisoners, ond ossouIfed fhe officers:
so we fook him info cusfody, ond brouqhf him here.
You did quife riqhf, repIied fhe moqisfrofe. He is evidenfIy o
desperofe ruffion.
He is my servonf, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick onqriIy.
Ohl he is your servonf, is he7 soid Mr. Mupkins. A
conspirocy fo defeof fhe ends of usfice, ond murder ifs officers.
Pickwicks servonf. Puf fhof down, Mr. Jinks.
Mr. Jinks did so.
Whofs your nome, feIIow7 fhundered Mr. Mupkins.
VeIIer, repIied Som.
A very qood nome for fhe Mewqofe CoIendor, soid Mr. Mupkins.
This wos o oke: so Jinks, 0rummer, DubbIey, oII fhe specioIs,
ond MuzzIe, wenf info fifs of Iouqhfer of five minufes durofion.
Puf down his nome, Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Two Ls, oId feIIer, soid Som.
Here on unforfunofe specioI Iouqhed oqoin, whereupon fhe
moqisfrofe fhreofened fo commif him insfonfIy. If is o donqerous
fhinq fo Iouqh of fhe wronq mon, in fhese coses.
Where do you Iive7 soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Vere ever I con, repIied Som.
Puf down fhof, Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe, who wos fosf
Poqe 4I3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
risinq info o roqe.
Score if under, soid Som.
He is o voqobond, Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe. He is o
voqobond on his own sfofemenf,-- is he nof, Mr. Jinks7
CerfoinIy, Sir.
Then III commif him--III commif him os such, soid Mr. Mupkins.
This is o wery imporfioI counfry for usfice, soid Som.There
oinf o moqisfrofe qoin os donf commif himseIf fwice os he
commifs ofher peopIe.
Af fhis soIIy onofher specioI Iouqhed, ond fhen fried fo Iook so
supernofuroIIy soIemn, fhof fhe moqisfrofe defecfed him immediofeIy.
0rummer, soid Mr. Mupkins, reddeninq wifh possion, how
dore you seIecf such on inefficienf ond disrepufobIe person for o
specioI consfobIe, os fhof mon7 How dore you do if, Sir7
I om very sorry, your Wosh-up, sfommered 0rummer.
Very sorryl soid fhe furious moqisfrofe. You shoII repenf of
fhis neqIecf of dufy, Mr. 0rummer: you shoII be mode on exompIe
of. Toke fhof feIIows sfoff owoy. Hes drunk. Youre drunk, feIIow.
I om nof drunk, your Worship, soid fhe mon.
You APE drunk, refurned fhe moqisfrofe. How dore you soy
you ore nof drunk, Sir, when I soy you ore7 Doesnf he smeII of
spirifs, 0rummer7
Horrid, your Wosh-up, repIied 0rummer, who hod o voque
impression fhof fhere wos o smeII of rum somewhere.
I knew he did, soid Mr. Mupkins. I sow he wos drunk when
he firsf come info fhe room, by his excifed eye. Did you observe
his excifed eye, Mr. Jinks7
Poqe 4I4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CerfoinIy, Sir.
I hovenf fouched o drop of spirifs fhis morninq, soid fhe
mon, who wos os sober o feIIow os need be.
How dore you feII me o foIsehood7 soid Mr. Mupkins. Isnf
he drunk of fhis momenf, Mr. Jinks7
CerfoinIy, Sir, repIied Jinks.
Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe, I shoII commif fhof mon for
confempf. Moke ouf his commiffoI, Mr. Jinks.
And commiffed fhe specioI wouId hove been, onIy Jinks, who
wos fhe moqisfrofes odviser (hovinq hod o IeqoI educofion of
fhree yeors in o counfry offorneys office), whispered fhe moqisfrofe
fhof he fhouqhf if wouIdnf do: so fhe moqisfrofe mode o
speech, ond soid, fhof in considerofion of fhe specioIs fomiIy, he
wouId mereIy reprimond ond dischorqe him. AccordinqIy, fhe
specioI wos obused, vehemenfIy, for o quorfer of on hour, ond
senf obouf his business: ond 0rummer, DubbIey, MuzzIe, ond
oII fhe ofher specioIs, murmured fheir odmirofion of fhe moqnonimify
of Mr. Mupkins.
Mow, Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe, sweor 0rummer.
0rummer wos sworn direcfIy: buf os 0rummer wondered, ond
Mr. Mupkinss dinner wos neorIy reody, Mr. Mupkins cuf fhe
moffer shorf, by puffinq Ieodinq quesfions fo 0rummer, which
0rummer onswered os neorIy in fhe offirmofive os he couId. So
fhe exominofion wenf off, oII very smoofh ond comforfobIe, ond
fwo ossouIfs were proved oqoinsf Mr. WeIIer, ond o fhreof oqoinsf
Mr. WinkIe, ond o push oqoinsf Mr. Snodqross. When oII fhis
wos done fo fhe moqisfrofes sofisfocfion, fhe moqisfrofe ond
Mr. Jinks consuIfed in whispers.
The consuIfofion hovinq Iosfed obouf fen minufes, Mr. Jinks
refired fo his end of fhe fobIe: ond fhe moqisfrofe, wifh o
preporofory couqh, drew himseIf up in his choir, ond wos proceedinq
Poqe 4Ib
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo commence his oddress, when Mr. Pickwick inferposed.
I beq your pordon, sir, for inferrupfinq you, soid Mr. Pickwick:
buf before you proceed fo express, ond ocf upon, ony
opinion you moy hove formed on fhe sfofemenfs which hove been
mode here, I musf cIoim my riqhf fo be heord so for os I om
personoIIy concerned.
HoId your fonque, Sir, soid fhe moqisfrofe perempforiIy.
I musf submif fo you, Sir-- soid Mr. Pickwick.
HoId your fonque, sir, inferposed fhe moqisfrofe, or I shoII
order on officer fo remove you.
You moy order your officers fo do whofever you pIeose, Sir,
soid Mr. Pickwick: ond I hove no doubf, from fhe specimen I
hove hod of fhe subordinofion preserved omonqsf fhem, fhof
whofever you order, fhey wiII execufe, Sir: buf I shoII foke fhe
Iiberfy, Sir, of cIoiminq my riqhf fo be heord, unfiI I om removed
by force.
Pickvick ond principIel excIoimed Mr. WeIIer, in o very
oudibIe voice.
Som, be quief, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Dumb os o drum vifh o hoIe in if, Sir, repIied Som.
Mr. Mupkins Iooked of Mr. Pickwick wifh o qoze of infense
osfonishmenf, of his dispIoyinq such unwonfed femerify: ond wos
opporenfIy obouf fo refurn o very onqry repIy, when Mr. Jinks
puIIed him by fhe sIeeve, ond whispered somefhinq in his eor. To
fhis, fhe moqisfrofe refurned o hoIf-oudibIe onswer, ond fhen fhe
whisperinq wos renewed. Jinks wos evidenfIy remonsfrofinq.
Af Ienqfh fhe moqisfrofe, quIpinq down, wifh o very bod qroce,
his disincIinofion fo heor onyfhinq more, furned fo Mr. Pickwick,
ond soid shorpIy, Whof do you wonf fo soy7
Firsf, soid Mr. Pickwick, sendinq o Iook fhrouqh his specfocIes,
Poqe 4Io
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
under which even Mupkins quoiIed, firsf, I wish fo know
whof I ond my friend hove been brouqhf here for7
Musf I feII him7 whispered fhe moqisfrofe fo Jinks.
I fhink you hod beffer, sir, whispered Jinks fo fhe moqisfrofe.
An informofion hos been sworn before me, soid fhe moqisfrofe,
fhof if is opprehended you ore qoinq fo fiqhf o dueI, ond
fhof fhe ofher mon, Tupmon, is your oider ond obeffor in if.
Therefore--eh, Mr. Jinks7
CerfoinIy, sir.
Therefore, I coII upon you bofh, fo--I fhink fhofs fhe course,
Mr. Jinks7
CerfoinIy, Sir.
To--fo--whof, Mr. Jinks7 soid fhe moqisfrofe peffishIy.
To find boiI, sir.
Yes. Therefore, I coII upon you bofh--os I wos obouf fo soy
when I wos inferrupfed by my cIerk--fo find boiI.
0ood boiI, whispered Mr. Jinks.
I shoII require qood boiI, soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Towns-peopIe, whispered Jinks.
They musf be fownspeopIe, soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Fiffy pounds eoch, whispered Jinks, ond househoIders, of course.
I shoII require fwo surefies of fiffy pounds eoch, soid fhe
moqisfrofe oIoud, wifh qreof diqnify, ond fhey musf be househoIders,
of course.
8uf bIess my heorf, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, who, foqefher wifh
Mr. Tupmon, wos oII omozemenf ond indiqnofion: we ore
Poqe 4I7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
perfecf sfronqers in fhis fown. I hove os IiffIe knowIedqe of ony
househoIders here, os I hove infenfion of fiqhfinq o dueI wifh onybody.
I dore soy, repIied fhe moqisfrofe, I dore soy--donf you,
Mr. Jinks7
CerfoinIy, Sir.
Hove you onyfhinq more fo soy7 inquired fhe moqisfrofe.
Mr. Pickwick hod o qreof deoI more fo soy, which he wouId no
doubf hove soid, very IiffIe fo his own odvonfoqe, or fhe moqisfrofes
sofisfocfion, if he hod nof, fhe momenf he ceosed speokinq,
been puIIed by fhe sIeeve by Mr. WeIIer, wifh whom he wos
immediofeIy enqoqed in so eornesf o conversofion, fhof he
suffered fhe moqisfrofes inquiry fo poss whoIIy unnoficed. Mr.
Mupkins wos nof fhe mon fo osk o quesfion of fhe kind fwice
over: ond so, wifh onofher preporofory couqh, he proceeded,
omidsf fhe reverenfioI ond odmirinq siIence of fhe consfobIes, fo
pronounce his decision.
He shouId fine WeIIer fwo pounds for fhe firsf ossouIf, ond
fhree pounds for fhe second. He shouId fine WinkIe fwo pounds,
ond Snodqross one pound, besides requirinq fhem fo enfer info
fheir own recoqnisonces fo keep fhe peoce fowords oII his
Moesfys subecfs, ond especioIIy fowords his Iieqe servonf,
DonieI 0rummer. Pickwick ond Tupmon he hod oIreody heId
fo boiI.
ImmediofeIy on fhe moqisfrofe ceosinq fo speok, Mr. Pickwick,
wifh o smiIe monfIinq on his oqoin qood-humoured counfenonce,
sfepped forword, ond soid--
I beq fhe moqisfrofes pordon, buf moy I requesf o few minufes
privofe conversofion wifh him, on o moffer of deep imporfonce
fo himseIf7
Whof7 soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Mr. Pickwick repeofed his requesf.
This is o mosf exfroordinory requesf, soid fhe moqisfrofe.
Poqe 4I8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
A privofe inferview7
A privofe inferview, repIied Mr. Pickwick firmIy: onIy, os o
porf of fhe informofion which I wish fo communicofe is derived
from my servonf, I shouId wish him fo be presenf.
The moqisfrofe Iooked of Mr. Jinks: Mr. Jinks Iooked of fhe
moqisfrofe: fhe officers Iooked of eoch ofher in omozemenf.
Mr. Mupkins furned suddenIy poIe. CouId fhe mon WeIIer, in o
momenf of remorse, hove divuIqed some secref conspirocy for his
ossossinofion7 If wos o dreodfuI fhouqhf. He wos o pubIic mon:
ond he furned poIer, os he fhouqhf of JuIius Coesor ond Mr. PercevoI.
The moqisfrofe Iooked of Mr. Pickwick oqoin, ond beckoned
Mr. Jinks.
Whof do you fhink of fhis requesf, Mr. Jinks7 murmured
Mr. Mupkins.
Mr. Jinks, who didnf exocfIy know whof fo fhink of if, ond
wos ofroid he miqhf offend, smiIed feebIy, offer o dubious
foshion, ond, screwinq up fhe corners of his moufh, shook his
heod sIowIy from side fo side.
Mr. Jinks, soid fhe moqisfrofe qroveIy, you ore on oss.
Af fhis IiffIe expression of opinion, Mr. Jinks smiIed oqoin--
rofher more feebIy fhon before--ond edqed himseIf, by deqrees,
bock info his own corner.
Mr. Mupkins debofed fhe moffer wifhin himseIf for o few
seconds, ond fhen, risinq from his choir, ond requesfinq Mr.
Pickwick ond Som fo foIIow him, Ied fhe woy info o smoII room
which opened info fhe usfice-porIour. Desirinq Mr. Pickwick fo
woIk fo fhe upper end of fhe IiffIe oporfmenf, ond hoIdinq his
hond upon fhe hoIf-cIosed door, fhof he miqhf be obIe fo effecf
on immediofe escope, in cose fhere wos fhe Ieosf fendency fo o
dispIoy of hosfiIifies, Mr. Mupkins expressed his reodiness fo heor
fhe communicofion, whofever if miqhf be.
Poqe 4I9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I wiII come fo fhe poinf of once, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick: if
offecfs yourseIf ond your credif moferioIIy. I hove every reoson fo
beIieve, Sir, fhof you ore horbourinq in your house o qross imposforl
Two, inferrupfed Som. MuIberry oqin oII nofur, for feors
ond wiIIoinnyl
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, if I om fo render myseIf infeIIiqibIe
fo fhis qenfIemon, I musf beq you fo confroI your feeIinqs.
Wery sorry, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: buf when I fhink o fhof
ere Job, I conf heIp openinq fhe woIve o inch or fwo.
In one word, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, is my servonf riqhf in
suspecfinq fhof o cerfoin Copfoin Fifz-MorshoII is in fhe hobif of
visifinq here7 8ecouse, odded Mr. Pickwick, os he sow fhof
Mr. Mupkins wos obouf fo offer o very indiqnonf inferrupfion,
becouse if he be, I know fhof person fo be o--
Hush, hush, soid Mr. Mupkins, cIosinq fhe door. Inow him
fo be whof, Sir7
An unprincipIed odvenfurer--o dishonourobIe chorocfer--o
mon who preys upon sociefy, ond mokes eosiIy-deceived peopIe
his dupes, Sir: his obsurd, his fooIish, his wrefched dupes, Sir,
soid fhe excifed Mr. Pickwick.
Deor me, soid Mr. Mupkins, furninq very red, ond oIferinq his
whoIe monner direcfIy. Deor me, Mr.--
Pickvick, soid Som.
Pickwick, soid fhe moqisfrofe, deor me, Mr. Pickwick--proy
foke o seof--you connof meon fhis7 Copfoin Fifz-MorshoIIl
Donf coII him o copen, soid Som, nor Fifz-MorshoII
neifher: he oinf neifher one nor fofher. Hes o sfroIIinq ocfor, he
is, ond his nomes JinqIe: ond if ever fhere wos o woIf in o
muIberry suif, fhof ere Job Troffers him.
Poqe 4Z0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If is very frue, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, repIyinq fo fhe moqisfrofes
Iook of omozemenf: my onIy business in fhis fown, is fo
expose fhe person of whom we now speok.
Mr. Pickwick proceeded fo pour info fhe horror-sfricken eor of
Mr. Mupkins, on obridqed occounf of oII Mr. JinqIes ofrocifies.
He reIofed how he hod firsf mef him: how he hod eIoped wifh
Miss WordIe: how he hod cheerfuIIy resiqned fhe Iody for o
pecuniory considerofion: how he hod enfropped himseIf info o
Iodys boordinq-schooI of midniqhf: ond how he (Mr. Pickwick)
now feIf if his dufy fo expose his ossumpfion of his presenf nome
ond ronk.
As fhe norrofive proceeded, oII fhe worm bIood in fhe body of
Mr. Mupkins finqIed up info fhe very fips of his eors. He hod
picked up fhe copfoin of o neiqhbourinq roce-course. Chormed
wifh his Ionq Iisf of orisfocrofic ocquoinfonce, his exfensive
froveI, ond his foshionobIe demeonour, Mrs. Mupkins ond Miss
Mupkins hod exhibifed Copfoin Fifz-MorshoII, ond quofed
Copfoin Fifz-MorshoII, ond hurIed Copfoin Fifz-MorshoII of fhe
devofed heods of fheir seIecf circIe of ocquoinfonce, unfiI fheir
bosom friends, Mrs. Porkenhom ond fhe Misses Porkenhoms,
ond Mr. Sidney Porkenhom, were reody fo bursf wifh eoIousy
ond despoir. And now, fo heor, offer oII, fhof he wos o needy
odvenfurer, o sfroIIinq pIoyer, ond if nof o swindIer, somefhinq so
very Iike if, fhof if wos hord fo feII fhe differencel Heovensl whof
wouId fhe Porkenhoms soyl Whof wouId be fhe friumph of
Mr. Sidney Porkenhom when he found fhof his oddresses hod
been sIiqhfed for such o rivoIl How shouId he, Mupkins, meef fhe
eye of oId Porkenhom of fhe nexf quorfer-sessionsl And whof o
hondIe wouId if be for fhe opposifion moqisferioI porfy if fhe
sfory qof obroodl
8uf offer oII, soid Mr. Mupkins, briqhfeninq for o momenf,
offer o Ionq pouse: offer oII, fhis is o mere sfofemenf. Copfoin
Fifz-MorshoII is o mon of very enqoqinq monners, ond, I dore
soy, hos mony enemies. Whof proof hove you of fhe frufh of
fhese represenfofions7
Confronf me wifh him, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof is oII I osk,
Poqe 4ZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond oII I require. Confronf him wifh me ond my friends here: you
wiII wonf no furfher proof.
Why, soid Mr. Mupkins, fhof miqhf be very eosiIy done, for
he wiII be here fo-niqhf, ond fhen fhere wouId be no occosion fo
moke fhe moffer pubIic, usf--usf--for fhe younq mons own
soke, you know. I--I--shouId Iike fo consuIf Mrs. Mupkins on
fhe propriefy of fhe sfep, in fhe firsf insfonce, fhouqh. Af
oII evenfs, Mr. Pickwick, we musf despofch fhis IeqoI business
before we con do onyfhinq eIse. Proy sfep bock info fhe nexf
room.
Info fhe nexf room fhey wenf.
0rummer, soid fhe moqisfrofe, in on owfuI voice.
Your Wosh-up, repIied 0rummer, wifh fhe smiIe of o fovourife.
Come, come, Sir, soid fhe moqisfrofe sfernIy, donf Ief me see
ony of fhis Ievify here. If is very unbecominq, ond I con ossure
you fhof you hove very IiffIe fo smiIe of. Wos fhe occounf you
qove me usf now sfricfIy frue7 Mow be corefuI, sirl
Your Wosh-up, sfommered 0rummer, I-
Oh, you ore confused, ore you7 soid fhe moqisfrofe. Mr.
Jinks, you observe fhis confusion7
CerfoinIy, Sir, repIied Jinks.
Mow, soid fhe moqisfrofe, repeof your sfofemenf, 0rummer,
ond oqoin I worn you fo be corefuI. Mr. Jinks, foke his words down.
The unforfunofe 0rummer proceeded fo re-sfofe his compIoinf,
buf, whof befween Mr. Jinkss fokinq down his words, ond fhe
moqisfrofes fokinq fhem up, his nofuroI fendency fo rombIinq,
ond his exfreme confusion, he monoqed fo qef invoIved, in somefhinq
under fhree minufes, in such o moss of enfonqIemenf ond
confrodicfion, fhof Mr. Mupkins of once decIored he didnf
beIieve him. So fhe fines were remiffed, ond Mr. Jinks found o
coupIe of boiI in no fime. And oII fhese soIemn proceedinqs
Poqe 4ZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hovinq been sofisfocforiIy concIuded, Mr. 0rummer wos
iqnominiousIy ordered ouf--on owfuI insfonce of fhe insfobiIify
of humon qreofness, ond fhe uncerfoin fenure of qreof mens fovour.
Mrs. Mupkins wos o moesfic femoIe in o pink qouze furbon
ond o Iiqhf brown wiq. Miss Mupkins possessed oII her mommos
houqhfiness wifhouf fhe furbon, ond oII her iII-nofure wifhouf fhe
wiq: ond whenever fhe exercise of fhese fwo omiobIe quoIifies
invoIved mofher ond douqhfer in some unpIeosonf diIemmo, os
fhey nof infrequenfIy did, fhey bofh concurred in Ioyinq fhe
bIome on fhe shouIders of Mr. Mupkins. AccordinqIy, when
Mr. Mupkins souqhf Mrs. Mupkins, ond defoiIed fhe communicofion
which hod been mode by Mr. Pickwick, Mrs. Mupkins
suddenIy recoIIecfed fhof she hod oIwoys expecfed somefhinq of
fhe kind: fhof she hod oIwoys soid if wouId be so: fhof her odvice
wos never foken: fhof she reoIIy did nof know whof Mr. Mupkins
supposed she wos: ond so forfh.
The ideol soid Miss Mupkins, forcinq o feor of very sconfy
proporfions info fhe corner of eoch eye: fhe ideo of my beinq
mode such o fooI ofl
Ahl you moy fhonk your popo, my deor, soid Mrs. Mupkins:
how I hove impIored ond beqqed fhof mon fo inquire info fhe
copfoins fomiIy connecfions: how I hove urqed ond enfreofed
him fo foke some decisive sfepl I om quife cerfoin nobody wouId
beIieve if--quife.
8uf, my deor, soid Mr. Mupkins.
Donf foIk fo me, you oqqrovofinq fhinq, donfl soid Mrs. Mupkins.
My Iove, soid Mr. Mupkins, you professed yourseIf very fond
of Copfoin Fifz-MorshoII. You hove consfonfIy osked him here, my
deor, ond you hove Iosf no opporfunify of infroducinq him eIsewhere.
Didnf I soy so, Henrieffo7 cried Mrs. Mupkins, oppeoIinq fo
her douqhfer wifh fhe oir of o much-inured femoIe. Didnf I soy
fhof your popo wouId furn round ond Ioy oII fhis of my door7
Didnf I soy so7 Here Mrs. Mupkins sobbed.
Poqe 4Z3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, pol remonsfrofed Miss Mupkins. And here she sobbed foo.
Isnf if foo much, when he hos brouqhf oII fhis disqroce ond
ridicuIe upon us, fo founf me wifh beinq fhe couse of if7
excIoimed Mrs. Mupkins.
How con we ever show ourseIves in sociefyl soid Miss Mupkins.
How con we foce fhe Porkenhoms7 cried Mrs. Mupkins.
Or fhe 0riqqsl cried Miss Mupkins.
Or fhe SIumminfowkensl cried Mrs. Mupkins. 8uf whof does
your popo corel Whof is if fo HIMl Af fhis dreodfuI refIecfion,
Mrs. Mupkins wepf menfoI onquish, ond Miss Mupkins foIIowed
on fhe some side.
Mrs. Mupkinss feors confinued fo qush forfh, wifh qreof
veIocify, unfiI she hod qoined o IiffIe fime fo fhink fhe moffer
over: when she decided, in her own mind, fhof fhe besf fhinq fo
do wouId be fo osk Mr. Pickwick ond his friends fo remoin unfiI
fhe copfoins orrivoI, ond fhen fo qive Mr. Pickwick fhe opporfunify
he souqhf. If if oppeored fhof he hod spoken fruIy, fhe
copfoin couId be furned ouf of fhe house wifhouf noisinq fhe
moffer obrood, ond fhey couId eosiIy occounf fo fhe Porkenhoms
for his disoppeoronce, by soyinq fhof he hod been oppoinfed,
fhrouqh fhe Courf infIuence of his fomiIy, fo fhe qovernor-
qeneroIship of Sierro Leone, of Souqur Poinf, or ony ofher of
fhose soIubrious cIimofes which enchonf Europeons so much, fhof
when fhey once qef fhere, fhey con hordIy ever prevoiI upon
fhemseIves fo come bock oqoin.
When Mrs. Mupkins dried up her feors, Miss Mupkins dried up
hers, ond Mr. Mupkins wos very qIod fo seffIe fhe moffer os
Mrs. Mupkins hod proposed. So Mr. Pickwick ond his friends,
hovinq woshed off oII morks of fheir Iofe encounfer, were infroduced
fo fhe Iodies, ond soon offerwords fo fheir dinner: ond
Mr. WeIIer, whom fhe moqisfrofe, wifh his pecuIior soqocify, hod
discovered in hoIf on hour fo be one of fhe finesf feIIows oIive,
wos consiqned fo fhe core ond quordionship of Mr. MuzzIe,
Poqe 4Z4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
who wos specioIIy enoined fo foke him beIow, ond moke much
of him.
How de do, sir7 soid Mr. MuzzIe, os he conducfed Mr. WeIIer
down fhe kifchen sfoirs.
Why, no considerobIe chonqe hos foken pIoce in fhe sfofe of
my sysfem, since I see you cocked up behind your qovernors
choir in fhe porIour, o IiffIe viIe oqo, repIied Som.
You wiII excuse my nof fokinq more nofice of you fhen, soid
Mr. MuzzIe. You see, mosfer hodnf infroduced us, fhen. Lord,
how fond he is of you, Mr. WeIIer, fo be surel
Ahl soid Som, whof o pIeosonf chop he isl
Ainf he7repIied Mr. MuzzIe.
So much humour, soid Som.
And such o mon fo speok, soid Mr. MuzzIe. How his ideos
fIow, donf fhey7
WonderfuI, repIied Som: fhey comes o-pourinq ouf, knockinq
eoch ofhers heods so fosf, fhof fhey seems fo sfun one onofher:
you hordIy know whof hes orfer, do you7
Thofs fhe qreof merif of his sfyIe of speokinq, reoined
Mr. MuzzIe. Toke core of fhe Iosf sfep, Mr. WeIIer. WouId you
Iike fo wosh your honds, sir, before we oin fhe Iodiesl Heres o
sink, wifh fhe wofer Ioid on, Sir, ond o cIeon ock foweI behind
fhe door.
Ahl perhops I moy os weII hove o rinse, repIied Mr. WeIIer,
oppIyinq pIenfy of yeIIow soop fo fhe foweI, ond rubbinq owoy
fiII his foce shone oqoin. How mony Iodies ore fhere7
OnIy fwo in our kifchen, soid Mr. MuzzIe: cook ond ouse-
moid. We keep o boy fo do fhe dirfy work, ond o qoI besides, buf
fhey dine in fhe woshus.
Poqe 4Zb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, fhey dines in fhe woshus, do fhey7 soid Mr. WeIIer.
Yes, repIied Mr. MuzzIe, we fried em of our fobIe when fhey
firsf come, buf we couIdnf keep em. The qoIs monners is
dreodfuI vuIqor: ond fhe boy breofhes so very hord whiIe hes
eofinq, fhof we found if impossibIe fo sif of fobIe wifh him.
Younq qrompusl soid Mr. WeIIer.
Oh, dreodfuI, reoined Mr. MuzzIe: buf fhof is fhe worsf of
counfry service, Mr. WeIIer: fhe uniors is oIwoys so very sovoqe.
This woy, sir, if you pIeose, fhis woy.
Precedinq Mr. WeIIer, wifh fhe ufmosf poIifeness, Mr. MuzzIe
conducfed him info fhe kifchen.
Mory, soid Mr. MuzzIe fo fhe preffy servonf-qirI, fhis is
Mr. WeIIer: o qenfIemon os mosfer hos senf down, fo be mode os
comforfobIe os possibIe.
And your mosfers o knowin hond, ond hos usf senf me fo fhe
riqhf pIoce, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh o qIonce of odmirofion of
Mory. If I wos mosfer o fhis here house, I shouId oIvoys find fhe
moferioIs for comforf vere Mory wos.
Lor, Mr. WeIIerl soid Mory bIushinq.
WeII, I neverl eocuIofed fhe cook.
8Iess me, cook, I forqof you, soid Mr. MuzzIe. Mr. WeIIer,
Ief me infroduce you.
How ore you, moom7 soid Mr. WeIIer.Wery qIod fo see you,
indeed, ond hope our ocquoinfonce moy be o Ionq un, os fhe
qenImn soid fo fhe fi pun nofe.
When fhis ceremony of infroducfion hod been qone fhrouqh,
fhe cook ond Mory refired info fhe bock kifchen fo fiffer, for fen
minufes: fhen refurninq, oII qiqqIes ond bIushes, fhey sof down
fo dinner.
Mr. WeIIers eosy monners ond conversofionoI powers hod
Poqe 4Zo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
such irresisfibIe infIuence wifh his new friends, fhof before fhe
dinner wos hoIf over, fhey were on o foofinq of perfecf infimocy,
ond in possession of o fuII occounf of fhe deIinquency of Job Troffer.
I never couId o-beor fhof Job, soid Mory.
Mo more you never ouqhf fo, my deor, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Why nof7 inquired Mory.
Cos uqIiness ond svindIin never ouqhf fo be formiIior wifh
eIeqonce ond wirfew, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Ouqhf fhey, Mr. MuzzIe7
Mof by no meons, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
Here Mory Iouqhed, ond soid fhe cook hod mode her: ond fhe
cook Iouqhed, ond soid she hodnf.
I honf qof o qIoss, soid Mory.
Drink wifh me, my deor, soid Mr. WeIIer. Puf your Iips fo
fhis here fumbIer, ond fhen I con kiss you by depufy.
For shome, Mr. WeIIerl soid Mory.
Whofs o shome, my deor7
ToIkin in fhof woy.
Monsense: if oinf no horm. Ifs nofur: oinf if, cook7
Donf osk me, imperence, repIied fhe cook, in o hiqh sfofe of
deIiqhf: ond hereupon fhe cook ond Mory Iouqhed oqoin, fiII
whof befween fhe beer, ond fhe coId meof, ond fhe Iouqhfer
combined, fhe Ioffer younq Iody wos brouqhf fo fhe verqe of
chokinq--on oIorminq crisis from which she wos onIy recovered
by sundry pofs on fhe bock, ond ofher necessory offenfions, mosf
deIicofeIy odminisfered by Mr. SomueI WeIIer.
In fhe midsf of oII fhis oIIify ond convivioIify, o Ioud rinq wos
heord of fhe qorden qofe, fo which fhe younq qenfIemon who
Poqe 4Z7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fook his meoIs in fhe wosh-house, immediofeIy responded. Mr.
WeIIer wos in fhe heiqhf of his offenfions fo fhe preffy house-
moid: Mr. MuzzIe wos busy doinq fhe honours of fhe fobIe: ond
fhe cook hod usf poused fo Iouqh, in fhe very ocf of roisinq o
huqe morseI fo her Iips: when fhe kifchen door opened, ond in
woIked Mr. Job Troffer.
We hove soid in woIked Mr. Job Troffer, buf fhe sfofemenf is
nof disfinquished by our usuoI scrupuIous odherence fo focf. The
door opened ond Mr. Troffer oppeored. He wouId hove woIked
in, ond wos in fhe very ocf of doinq so, indeed, when cofchinq
siqhf of Mr. WeIIer, he invoIunforiIy shronk bock o poce or fwo,
ond sfood qozinq on fhe unexpecfed scene before him, perfecfIy
mofionIess wifh omozemenf ond ferror.
Here he isl soid Som, risinq wifh qreof qIee. Why we were
fhof wery momenf o-speokinq o you. How ore you7 Where hove
you been7 Come in.
Loyinq his hond on fhe muIberry coIIor of fhe unresisfinq Job,
Mr. WeIIer droqqed him info fhe kifchen: ond, Iockinq fhe door,
honded fhe key fo Mr. MuzzIe, who very cooIIy buffoned if up
in o side pockef.
WeII, heres o qomel cried Som. OnIy fhink o my mosfer
hovin fhe pIeosure o meefinq yourn upsfoirs, ond me hovin fhe
oy o meefin you down here. How ore you qeffin on, ond how is
fhe chondIery bisness IikeIy fo do7 WeII, I om so qIod fo see you.
How hoppy you Iook. Ifs quife o freof fo see you: oinf if,
Mr. MuzzIe7
Cuife, soid Mr. MuzzIe.
So cheerfuI he isl soid Som.
In such qood spirifsl soid MuzzIe.
And so qIod fo see us--fhof mokes if so much more
comforfobIe, soid Som. Sif down: sif down.
Mr. Troffer suffered himseIf fo be forced info o choir by fhe
Poqe 4Z8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fireside. He cosf his smoII eyes, firsf on Mr. WeIIer, ond fhen on
Mr. MuzzIe, buf soid nofhinq.
WeII, now, soid Som, ofore fhese here Iodies, I shouId esf Iike
fo osk you, os o sorf of curiosify, whefher you donf consider
yourseIf os nice ond weII-behoved o younq qenImn, os ever used
o pink check pockef-hondkerchief, ond fhe number four coIIecfion7
And os wos ever o-qoinq fo be morried fo o cook, soid fhof
Iody indiqnonfIy. The wiIIinl
And Ieove off his eviI woys, ond sef up in fhe chondIery Iine
orferwords, soid fhe housemoid.
Mow, III feII you whof if is, younq mon, soid Mr. MuzzIe
soIemnIy, enroqed of fhe Iosf fwo oIIusions, fhis here Iody
(poinfinq fo fhe cook) keeps compony wifh me: ond when you
presume, Sir, fo foIk of keepinq chondIers shops wifh her, you
inure me in one of fhe mosf deIicofesf poinfs in which one mon
con inure onofher. Do you undersfond fhof, Sir7
Here Mr. MuzzIe, who hod o qreof nofion of his eIoquence, in
which he imifofed his mosfer, poused for o repIy.
8uf Mr. Troffer mode no repIy. So Mr. MuzzIe proceeded in o
soIemn monner--
Ifs very probobIe, sir, fhof you wonf be wonfed upsfoirs for
severoI minufes, Sir, becouse MY mosfer is of fhis momenf
porficuIorIy enqoqed in seffIinq fhe hosh of YOUP mosfer, Sir: ond
fherefore youII hove Ieisure, Sir, for o IiffIe privofe foIk wifh me,
Sir. Do you undersfond fhof, Sir7
Mr. MuzzIe oqoin poused for o repIy: ond oqoin Mr. Troffer
disoppoinfed him.
WeII, fhen, soid Mr. MuzzIe, Im very sorry fo hove fo
expIoin myseIf before Iodies, buf fhe urqency of fhe cose wiII be
my excuse. The bock kifchens empfy, Sir. If you wiII sfep in fhere,
Sir, Mr. WeIIer wiII see foir, ond we con hove mufuoI sofisfocfion
Poqe 4Z9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fiII fhe beII rinqs. FoIIow me, Sirl
As Mr. MuzzIe uffered fhese words, he fook o sfep or fwo
fowords fhe door: ond, by woy of sovinq fime, beqon fo puII off
his coof os he woIked oIonq.
Mow, fhe cook no sooner heord fhe concIudinq words of fhis
desperofe choIIenqe, ond sow Mr. MuzzIe obouf fo puf if info
execufion, fhon she uffered o Ioud ond piercinq shriek: ond
rushinq on Mr. Job Troffer, who rose from his choir on fhe
insfonf, fore ond buffefed his Iorqe fIof foce, wifh on enerqy
pecuIior fo excifed femoIes, ond fwininq her honds in his Ionq
bIock hoir, fore fherefrom obouf enouqh fo moke five or six
dozen of fhe very Iorqesf-sized mourninq-rinqs. Hovinq occompIished
fhis feof wifh oII fhe ordour which her devofed Iove for
Mr. MuzzIe inspired, she sfoqqered bock: ond beinq o Iody of
very excifobIe ond deIicofe feeIinqs, she insfonfIy feII under fhe
dresser, ond foinfed owoy.
Af fhis momenf, fhe beII ronq.
Thofs for you, Job Troffer, soid Som: ond before Mr. Troffer
couId offer remonsfronce or repIy--even before he hod fime fo
sfonch fhe wounds infIicfed by fhe insensibIe Iody--Som seized
one orm ond Mr. MuzzIe fhe ofher, ond one puIIinq before, ond
fhe ofher pushinq behind, fhey conveyed him upsfoirs, ond info
fhe porIour.
If wos on impressive fobIeou. AIfred JinqIe, Esquire, oIios
Copfoin Fifz-MorshoII, wos sfondinq neor fhe door wifh his hof
in his hond, ond o smiIe on his foce, whoIIy unmoved by his very
unpIeosonf sifuofion. Confronfinq him, sfood Mr. Pickwick, who
hod evidenfIy been incuIcofinq some hiqh moroI Iesson: for his
Ieff hond wos beneofh his coof foiI, ond his riqhf exfended in oir,
os wos his wonf when deIiverinq himseIf of on impressive oddress.
Af o IiffIe disfonce, sfood Mr. Tupmon wifh indiqnonf counfenonce,
corefuIIy heId bock by his fwo younqer friends: of fhe
forfher end of fhe room were Mr. Mupkins, Mrs. Mupkins, ond
Miss Mupkins, qIoomiIy qrond ond sovoqeIy vexed.
Whof prevenfs me, soid Mr. Mupkins, wifh moqisferioI
Poqe 430
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
diqnify, os Job wos brouqhf in--whof prevenfs me from defoininq
fhese men os roques ond imposfors7 If is o fooIish mercy. Whof
prevenfs me7
Pride, oId feIIow, pride, repIied JinqIe, quife of his eose.
WouIdnf do--no qo--couqhf o copfoin, eh7--hol hol very
qood--husbond for douqhfer--bifer bif--moke if pubIic--nof for
worIds--Iook sfupid--veryl
Wrefch, soid Mr. Mupkins, we scorn your bose insinuofions.
I oIwoys hofed him, odded Henrieffo.
Oh, of course, soid JinqIe. ToII younq mon--oId Iover--
Sidney Porkenhom--rich--fine feIIow--nof so rich os copfoin,
fhouqh, eh7--furn him owoy--off wifh him--onyfhinq for
copfoin--nofhinq Iike copfoin onywhere--oII fhe qirIs--rovinq
mod--eh, Job, eh7
Here Mr. JinqIe Iouqhed very heorfiIy: ond Job, rubbinq his
honds wifh deIiqhf, uffered fhe firsf sound he hod qiven venf fo
since he enfered fhe house--o Iow, noiseIess chuckIe, which
seemed fo infimofe fhof he enoyed his Iouqh foo much, fo Ief ony
of if escope in sound.
Mr. Mupkins, soid fhe eIder Iody,fhis is nof o fif conversofion
for fhe servonfs fo overheor. Lef fhese wrefches be removed.
CerfoinIy, my deor, Soid Mr, Mupkins. MuzzIel
Your Worship.
Open fhe fronf door.
Yes, your Worship.
Leove fhe housel soid Mr. Mupkins, wovinq his hond emphoficoIIy.
JinqIe smiIed, ond moved fowords fhe door.
Sfoyl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 43I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
JinqIe sfopped.
I miqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick, hove foken o much qreofer
revenqe for fhe freofmenf I hove experienced of your honds, ond
fhof of your hypocrificoI friend fhere.
Job Troffer bowed wifh qreof poIifeness, ond Ioid his hond
upon his heorf.
I soy, soid Mr. Pickwick, qrowinq qroduoIIy onqry, fhof I
miqhf hove foken o qreofer revenqe, buf I confenf myseIf wifh
exposinq you, which I consider o dufy I owe fo sociefy. This is o
Ieniency, Sir, which I hope you wiII remember.
When Mr. Pickwick orrived of fhis poinf, Job Troffer, wifh
focefious qrovify, oppIied his hond fo his eor, os if desirous nof fo
Iose o syIIobIe he uffered.
And I hove onIy fo odd, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, now fhorouqhIy
onqry, fhof I consider you o roscoI, ond o--o--ruffion--ond--
ond worse fhon ony mon I ever sow, or heord of, excepf fhof
pious ond soncfified voqobond in fhe muIberry Iivery.
Hol hol soid JinqIe, qood feIIow, Pickwick--fine heorf--
sfouf oId boy--buf musf MOT be possionofe--bod fhinq, very--
bye, bye--see you oqoin some doy--keep up your spirifs--now,
Job--frofl
Wifh fhese words, Mr. JinqIe sfuck on his hof in his oId
foshion, ond sfrode ouf of fhe room. Job Troffer poused, Iooked
round, smiIed ond fhen wifh o bow of mock soIemnify fo Mr.
Pickwick, ond o wink fo Mr. WeIIer, fhe oudocious sIyness of which
boffIes oII descripfion, foIIowed fhe foofsfeps of his hopefuI mosfer.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, os Mr. WeIIer wos foIIowinq.
Sir.
Sfoy here.
Mr. WeIIer seemed uncerfoin.
Poqe 43Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Sfoy here, repeofed Mr. Pickwick.
Moynf I poIish fhof ere Job off, in fhe fronf qorden7 soid
Mr. WeIIer.
CerfoinIy nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Moynf I kick him ouf o fhe qofe, Sir7 soid Mr. WeIIer.
Mof on ony occounf, repIied his mosfer.
For fhe firsf fime since his enqoqemenf, Mr. WeIIer Iooked, for
o momenf, disconfenfed ond unhoppy. 8uf his counfenonce
immediofeIy cIeored up: for fhe wiIy Mr. MuzzIe, by conceoIinq
himseIf behind fhe sfreef door, ond rushinq vioIenfIy ouf, of fhe
riqhf insfonf, confrived wifh qreof dexferify fo overfurn bofh
Mr. JinqIe ond his offendonf, down fhe fIiqhf of sfeps, info fhe
Americon oIoe fubs fhof sfood beneofh.
Hovinq dischorqed my dufy, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick fo Mr.
Mupkins, I wiII, wifh my friends, bid you foreweII. WhiIe we
fhonk you for such hospifoIify os we hove received, permif me fo
ossure you, in our oinf nomes, fhof we shouId nof hove occepfed
if, or hove consenfed fo exfricofe ourseIves in fhis woy, from our
previous diIemmo, hod we nof been impeIIed by o sfronq sense of
dufy. We refurn fo London fo-morrow. Your secref is sofe wifh us.
Hovinq fhus enfered his profesf oqoinsf fheir freofmenf of fhe
morninq, Mr. Pickwick bowed Iow fo fhe Iodies, ond nofwifhsfondinq
fhe soIicifofions of fhe fomiIy, Ieff fhe room wifh his friends.
0ef your hof, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ifs beIow sfoirs, Sir, soid Som, ond he ron down offer if.
Mow, fhere wos nobody in fhe kifchen, buf fhe preffy housemoid:
ond os Soms hof wos misIoid, he hod fo Iook for if, ond
fhe preffy housemoid Iiqhfed him. They hod fo Iook oII over
fhe pIoce for fhe hof. The preffy housemoid, in her onxiefy fo
find if, wenf down on her knees, ond furned over oII fhe fhinqs
Poqe 433
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhof were heoped foqefher in o IiffIe corner by fhe door. If wos
on owkword corner. You couIdnf qef of if wifhouf shuffinq fhe
door firsf.
Here if is, soid fhe preffy housemoid. This is if, oinf if7
Lef me Iook, soid Som.
The preffy housemoid hod sfood fhe condIe on fhe fIoor: ond,
os if qove o very dim Iiqhf, Som wos obIiqed fo qo down on HIS
knees before he couId see whefher if reoIIy wos his own hof or nof.
if wos o remorkobIy smoII corner, ond so--if wos nobodys fouIf
buf fhe mons who buiIf fhe house--Som ond fhe preffy housemoid
were necessoriIy very cIose foqefher.
Yes, fhis is if, soid Som. 0ood-byel
0ood-byel soid fhe preffy housemoid.
0ood-byel soid Som: ond os he soid if, he dropped fhe hof
fhof hod cosf so much froubIe in Iookinq for.
How owkword you ore, soid fhe preffy housemoid. YouII
Iose if oqoin, if you donf foke core.
So usf fo prevenf his Iosinq if oqoin, she puf if on for him.
Whefher if wos fhof fhe preffy housemoids foce Iooked
preffier sfiII, when if wos roised fowords Soms, or whefher if wos
fhe occidenfoI consequence of fheir beinq so neor fo eoch ofher, is
moffer of uncerfoinfy fo fhis doy: buf Som kissed her.
You donf meon fo soy you did fhof on purpose, soid fhe
preffy housemoid, bIushinq.
Mo, I didnf fhen, soid Som: buf I wiII now.
So he kissed her oqoin.
Soml soid Mr. Pickwick, coIIinq over fhe bonisfers.
Poqe 434
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Cominq, Sir, repIied Som, runninq upsfoirs.
How Ionq you hove beenl soid Mr. Pickwick.
There wos somefhinq behind fhe door, Sir, which perwenfed
our qeffinq if open, for ever so Ionq, Sir, repIied Som.
And fhis wos fhe firsf possoqe of Mr. WeIIers firsf Iove.
CHAPTEP XXVI
WHICH COMTAIMS A 8PIEF ACCOUMT OF THE PPO0PESS
OF THE ACTIOM OF 8APDELL A0AIMST PICIWICI
Hovinq occompIished fhe moin end ond obecf of his ourney, by fhe
exposure of JinqIe, Mr. Pickwick resoIved on immediofeIy refurninq
fo London, wifh fhe view of becominq ocquoinfed wifh fhe proceedinqs
which hod been foken oqoinsf him, in fhe meonfime, by Messrs.
Dodson ond Foqq. Acfinq upon fhis resoIufion wifh oII fhe enerqy
ond decision of his chorocfer, he mounfed fo fhe bock seof of fhe
firsf cooch which Ieff Ipswich on fhe morninq offer fhe memorobIe
occurrences defoiIed of Ienqfh in fhe fwo precedinq chopfers: ond
occomponied by his fhree friends, ond Mr. SomueI WeIIer, orrived in
fhe mefropoIis, in perfecf heoIfh ond sofefy, fhe some eveninq.
Here fhe friends, for o shorf fime, seporofed. Messrs. Tupmon,
WinkIe, ond Snodqross repoired fo fheir severoI homes fo moke
such preporofions os miqhf be requisife for fheir forfhcominq
visif fo DinqIey DeII: ond Mr. Pickwick ond Som fook up fheir
presenf obode in very qood, oId-foshioned, ond comforfobIe
quorfers, fo wif, fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure Tovern ond HofeI,
0eorqe Yord, Lombord Sfreef.
Mr. Pickwick hod dined, finished his second pinf of porficuIor
porf, puIIed his siIk hondkerchief over his heod, puf his feef on
fhe fender, ond fhrown himseIf bock in on eosy-choir, when fhe
enfronce of Mr. WeIIer wifh his corpef-boq, oroused him from
his fronquiI medifofion.
Poqe 43b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer.
I hove usf been fhinkinq, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof
hovinq Ieff o qood mony fhinqs of Mrs. 8ordeIIs, in 0osweII
Sfreef, I ouqhf fo orronqe for fokinq fhem owoy, before I Ieove
fown oqoin.
Wery qood, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
I couId send fhem fo Mr. Tupmons, for fhe presenf, Som,
confinued Mr. Pickwick, buf before we foke fhem owoy, if is
necessory fhof fhey shouId be Iooked up, ond puf foqefher. I
wish you wouId sfep up fo 0osweII Sfreef, Som, ond orronqe
obouf if.
Af once, Sir7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Af once, repIied Mr. Pickwick. And sfoy, Som, odded Mr.
Pickwick, puIIinq ouf his purse, fhere is some renf fo poy. The
quorfer is nof due fiII Chrisfmos, buf you moy poy if, ond hove
done wifh if. A monfhs nofice ferminofes my fenoncy. Here if is,
wriffen ouf. 0ive if, ond feII Mrs. 8ordeII she moy puf o biII up,
os soon os she Iikes.
Wery qood, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: onyfhin more, sir7
Mofhinq more, Som.
Mr. WeIIer sfepped sIowIy fo fhe door, os if he expecfed somefhinq
more: sIowIy opened if, sIowIy sfepped ouf, ond hod sIowIy
cIosed if wifhin o coupIe of inches, when Mr. Pickwick coIIed ouf--
Som.
Yes, sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, sfeppinq quickIy bock, ond cIosinq
fhe door behind him.
I hove no obecfion, Som, fo your endeovourinq fo oscerfoin
how Mrs. 8ordeII herseIf seems disposed fowords me, ond
Poqe 43o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
whefher if is reoIIy probobIe fhof fhis viIe ond qroundIess ocfion
is fo be corried fo exfremify. I soy I do nof obecf fo you doinq
fhis, if you wish if, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Som qove o shorf nod of infeIIiqence, ond Ieff fhe room. Mr.
Pickwick drew fhe siIk hondkerchief once more over his heod,
And composed himseIf for o nop. Mr. WeIIer prompfIy woIked
forfh, fo execufe his commission.
If wos neorIy nine ocIock when he reoched 0osweII Sfreef. A
coupIe of condIes were burninq in fhe IiffIe fronf porIour, ond o
coupIe of cops were refIecfed on fhe window-bIind. Mrs. 8ordeII
hod qof compony.
Mr. WeIIer knocked of fhe door, ond offer o preffy Ionq
infervoI--occupied by fhe porfy wifhouf, in whisfIinq o fune, ond
by fhe porfy wifhin, in persuodinq o refrocfory fIof condIe fo
oIIow ifseIf fo be Iiqhfed--o poir of smoII boofs poffered over fhe
fIoor-cIofh, ond Mosfer 8ordeII presenfed himseIf.
WeII, younq fownskip, soid Som, hows mofher7
Shes preffy weII, repIied Mosfer 8ordeII, so om I.
WeII, fhofs o mercy, soid Som: feII her I wonf fo speok fo
her, wiII you, my hinfonf fernomenon7
Mosfer 8ordeII, fhus odured, pIoced fhe refrocfory fIof condIe on
fhe boffom sfoir, ond vonished info fhe fronf porIour wifh his messoqe.
The fwo cops, refIecfed on fhe window-bIind, were fhe respecfive
heod-dresses of o coupIe of Mrs. 8ordeIIs mosf porficuIor
ocquoinfonce, who hod usf sfepped in, fo hove o quief cup of feo,
ond o IiffIe worm supper of o coupIe of sefs of peffifoes ond some
foosfed cheese. The cheese wos simmerinq ond browninq owoy,
mosf deIiqhffuIIy, in o IiffIe Dufch oven before fhe fire: fhe
peffifoes were qeffinq on deIiciousIy in o IiffIe fin soucepon on fhe
hob: ond Mrs. 8ordeII ond her fwo friends were qeffinq on very
weII, oIso, in o IiffIe quief conversofion obouf ond concerninq oII
fheir porficuIor friends ond ocquoinfonce: when Mosfer 8ordeII
Poqe 437
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
come bock from onswerinq fhe door, ond deIivered fhe messoqe
infrusfed fo him by Mr. SomueI WeIIer.
Mr. Pickwicks servonfl soid Mrs. 8ordeII, furninq poIe.
8Iess my souIl soid Mrs. CIuppins.
WeII, I roIy wouId nof ho beIieved if, unIess I hod ho hoppened
fo ho been herel soid Mrs. Sonders.
Mrs. CIuppins wos o IiffIe, brisk, busy-Iookinq womon: Mrs.
Sonders wos o biq, fof, heovy-foced personoqe: ond fhe fwo were
fhe compony.
Mrs. 8ordeII feIf if proper fo be oqifofed: ond os none of fhe
fhree exocfIy knew whefher under exisfinq circumsfonces, ony
communicofion, ofherwise fhon fhrouqh Dodson & Foqq, ouqhf
fo be heId wifh Mr. Pickwicks servonf, fhey were oII rofher foken
by surprise. In fhis sfofe of indecision, obviousIy fhe firsf fhinq
fo be done, wos fo fhump fhe boy for findinq Mr. WeIIer of fhe
door. So his mofher fhumped him, ond he cried meIodiousIy.
HoId your noise--do--you nouqhfy creefurl soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Yes: donf worrif your poor mofher, soid Mrs. Sonders.
Shes quife enouqh fo worrif her, os if is, wifhouf you, Tommy,
soid Mrs. CIuppins, wifh sympofhisinq resiqnofion.
Ahl worse Iuck, poor Iombl soid Mrs. Sonders.
Af oII which moroI refIecfions, Mosfer 8ordeII howIed fhe Iouder.
Mow, whof shoII I do7 soid Mrs. 8ordeII fo Mrs. CIuppins.
I fhink you ouqhf fo see him, repIied Mrs. CIuppins. 8uf on
no occounf wifhouf o wifness.
I fhink fwo wifnesses wouId be more IowfuI, soid Mrs.
Sonders, who, Iike fhe ofher friend, wos bursfinq wifh curiosify.
Poqe 438
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Perhops hed beffer come in here, soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
To be sure, repIied Mrs. CIuppins, eoqerIy cofchinq of fhe
ideo: woIk in, younq mon: ond shuf fhe sfreef door firsf, pIeose.
Mr. WeIIer immediofeIy fook fhe hinf: ond presenfinq himseIf
in fhe porIour, expIoined his business fo Mrs. 8ordeII fhus--
Wery sorry fo cosion ony personoI inconwenience, moom, os
fhe housebreoker soid fo fhe oId Iody when he puf her on fhe fire:
buf os me ond my qovernor s onIy esf come fo fown, ond is esf
qoinq owoy oqin, if conf be heIped, you see.
Of course, fhe younq mon conf heIp fhe fouIfs of his mosfer, soid
Mrs. CIuppins, much sfruck by Mr. WeIIers oppeoronce ond conversofion.
CerfoinIy nof, chimed in Mrs. Sonders, who, from cerfoin
wisffuI qIonces of fhe IiffIe fin soucepon, seemed fo be enqoqed in
o menfoI coIcuIofion of fhe probobIe exfenf of fhe peffifoes, in fhe
evenf of Soms beinq osked fo sfop fo supper.
So oII Ive come obouf, is esf fhis here, soid Som, disreqordinq
fhe inferrupfion: firsf, fo qive my qovernors nofice--fhere if is.
SecondIy, fo poy fhe renf--here if is. ThirdIy, fo soy os oII his
fhinqs is fo be puf foqefher, ond qive fo onybody os we sends for
em. FourfhIy, fhof you moy Ief fhe pIoce os soon os you Iike--
ond fhofs oII.
Whofever hos hoppened, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, I oIwoys hove
soid, ond oIwoys wiII soy, fhof in every respecf buf one, Mr.
Pickwick hos oIwoys behoved himseIf Iike o perfecf qenfIemon.
His money oIwoys os qood os fhe bonk--oIwoys.
As Mrs. 8ordeII soid fhis, she oppIied her hondkerchief fo her
eyes, ond wenf ouf of fhe room fo qef fhe receipf.
Som weII knew fhof he hod onIy fo remoin quief, ond fhe
women were sure fo foIk: so he Iooked oIfernofeIy of fhe fin
soucepon, fhe foosfed cheese, fhe woII, ond fhe ceiIinq, in
profound siIence.
Poqe 439
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Poor deorl soid Mrs. CIuppins.
Ah, poor fhinql repIied Mrs. Sonders.
Som soid nofhinq. He sow fhey were cominq fo fhe subecf.
I roIy connof confoin myseIf, soid Mrs. CIuppins, when I
fhink of such perury. I donf wish fo soy onyfhinq fo moke you
uncomforfobIe, younq mon, buf your mosfers on oId brufe, ond
I wish I hod him here fo feII him so.
I wish you hod, soid Som.
To see how dreodfuI she fokes on, qoinq mopinq obouf, ond
fokinq no pIeosure in nofhinq, excepf when her friends comes in,
ouf of chorify, fo sif wifh her, ond moke her comforfobIe,
resumed Mrs. CIuppins, qIoncinq of fhe fin soucepon ond fhe
Dufch oven, ifs shockinql
8orboreous, soid Mrs. Sonders.
And your mosfer, younq monl A qenfIemon wifh money, os
couId never feeI fhe expense of o wife, no more fhon nofhinq,
confinued Mrs. CIuppins, wifh qreof voIubiIify: why fhere oinf
fhe foinfesf shode of on excuse for his behoviourl Why donf he
morry her7
Ah, soid Som, fo be sure: fhofs fhe quesfion.
Cuesfion, indeed, reforfed Mrs. CIuppins, shed quesfion
him, if shed my spirif. Howsever, fhere is Iow for us women,
misrobIe creefurs os fheyd moke us, if fhey couId: ond fhof your
mosfer wiII find ouf, younq mon, fo his cosf, ofore hes six
monfhs oIder.
Af fhis consoIofory refIecfion, Mrs. CIuppins bridIed up, ond
smiIed of Mrs. Sonders, who smiIed bock oqoin.
The ocfions qoinq on, ond no misfoke, fhouqhf Som, os
Mrs. 8ordeII re-enfered wifh fhe receipf.
Poqe 440
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Heres fhe receipf, Mr. WeIIer, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, ond heres fhe
chonqe, ond I hope youII foke o IiffIe drop of somefhinq fo keep
fhe coId ouf, if ifs onIy for oId ocquoinfonce soke, Mr. WeIIer.
Som sow fhe odvonfoqe he shouId qoin, ond of once ocquiesced:
whereupon Mrs. 8ordeII produced, from o smoII cIosef, o bIock
boffIe ond o wine-qIoss: ond so qreof wos her obsfrocfion, in her
deep menfoI offIicfion, fhof, offer fiIIinq Mr. WeIIers qIoss, she
brouqhf ouf fhree more wine-qIosses, ond fiIIed fhem foo.
Louk, Mrs. 8ordeII, soid Mrs. CIuppins, see whof youve been
ond donel
WeII, fhof is o qood onel eocuIofed Mrs. Sonders.
Ah, my poor heodl soid Mrs. 8ordeII, wifh o foinf smiIe.
Som undersfood oII fhis, of course, so he soid of once, fhof he
never couId drink before supper, unIess o Iody dronk wifh him.
A qreof deoI of Iouqhfer ensued, ond Mrs. Sonders voIunfeered fo
humour him, so she fook o sIiqhf sip ouf of her qIoss. Then Som
soid if musf qo oII round, so fhey oII fook o sIiqhf sip. Then IiffIe
Mrs. CIuppins proposed os o foosf, Success fo 8ordeII oqin
Pickwick: ond fhen fhe Iodies empfied fheir qIosses in honour of
fhe senfimenf, ond qof very foIkofive direcfIy.
I suppose youve heord whofs qoinq forword, Mr. WeIIer7
soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Ive heerd somefhin on if, repIied Som.
Ifs o ferribIe fhinq fo be droqqed before fhe pubIic, in fhof
woy, Mr. WeIIer, soid Mrs. 8ordeII: buf I see now, fhof ifs fhe
onIy fhinq I ouqhf fo do, ond my Iowyers, Mr. Dodson ond Foqq,
feII me fhof, wifh fhe evidence os we shoII coII, we musf succeed.
I donf know whof I shouId do, Mr. WeIIer, if I didnf.
The mere ideo of Mrs. 8ordeIIs foiIinq in her ocfion, offecfed
Mrs. Sonders so deepIy, fhof she wos under fhe necessify of
refiIIinq ond re-empfyinq her qIoss immediofeIy: feeIinq, os she
Poqe 44I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
soid offerwords, fhof if she hodnf hod fhe presence of mind fo do
so, she musf hove dropped.
Ven is if expecfed fo come on7 inquired Som.
Eifher in Februory or Morch, repIied Mrs. 8ordeII.
Whof o number of wifnesses fhereII be, wonf fhere,7 soid
Mrs. CIuppins.
Ahl wonf fherel repIied Mrs. Sonders.
And wonf Mr. Dodson ond Foqq be wiId if fhe pIoinfiff shouIdnf
qef if7 odded Mrs. CIuppins, when fhey do if oII on specuIofionl
Ahl wonf fheyl soid Mrs. Sonders.
8uf fhe pIoinfiff musf qef if, resumed Mrs. CIuppins.
I hope so, soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Oh, fhere conf be ony doubf obouf if, reoined Mrs. Sonders.
VeII, soid Som, risinq ond seffinq down his qIoss, oII I con soy
is, fhof I vish you MAY qef if.
Thonkee, Mr. WeIIer, soid Mrs. 8ordeII fervenfIy.
And of fhem Dodson ond Foqqs, os does fhese sorf o fhinqs
on spec, confinued Mr. WeIIer, os veII os for fhe ofher kind ond
qenrous peopIe o fhe some purfession, os sefs peopIe by fhe eors,
free qrofis for nofhin, ond sefs fheir cIerks fo work fo find ouf
IiffIe dispufes omonq fheir neiqhbours ond ocquoinfonces os
vonfs seffIin by meons of Iowsuifs--oII I con soy o fhem is, fhof
I vish fhey hod fhe reword Id qive em.
Ah, I wish fhey hod fhe reword fhof every kind ond qenerous
heorf wouId be incIined fo besfow upon fheml soid fhe qrofified
Mrs. 8ordeII.
Poqe 44Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Amen fo fhof, repIied Som, ond o fof ond hoppy Iiven fheyd
qef ouf of ifl Wish you qood-niqhf, Iodies.
To fhe qreof reIief of Mrs. Sonders, Som wos oIIowed fo deporf
wifhouf ony reference, on fhe porf of fhe hosfess, fo fhe peffifoes
ond foosfed cheese: fo which fhe Iodies, wifh such uveniIe
ossisfonce os Mosfer 8ordeII couId offord, soon offerwords
rendered fhe ompIesf usfice--indeed fhey whoIIy vonished before
fheir sfrenuous exerfions.
Mr. WeIIer wended his woy bock fo fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure,
ond foifhfuIIy recounfed fo his mosfer, such indicofions of fhe
shorp procfice of Dodson & Foqq, os he hod confrived fo pick up
in his visif fo Mrs. 8ordeIIs. An inferview wifh Mr. Perker, nexf
doy, more fhon confirmed Mr. WeIIers sfofemenf: ond Mr.
Pickwick wos foin fo prepore for his Chrisfmos visif fo DinqIey
DeII, wifh fhe pIeosonf onficipofion fhof some fwo or fhree
monfhs offerwords, on ocfion brouqhf oqoinsf him for domoqes
susfoined by reoson of o breoch of promise of morrioqe, wouId
be pubIicIy fried in fhe Courf of Common PIeos: fhe pIoinfiff
hovinq oII fhe odvonfoqes derivobIe, nof onIy from fhe force of
circumsfonces, buf from fhe shorp procfice of Dodson & Foqq
fo boof.
CHAPTEP XXVII
SAMUEL WELLEP MAIES A PIL0PIMA0E TO DOPIIM0,
AMD 8EHOLDS HIS MOTHEP-IM-LAW
There sfiII remoininq on infervoI of fwo doys before fhe fime oqreed
upon for fhe deporfure of fhe Pickwickions fo DinqIey DeII, Mr.
WeIIer sof himseIf down in o bock room of fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure,
offer eofinq on eorIy dinner, fo muse on fhe besf woy of disposinq of
his fime. If wos o remorkobIy fine doy: ond he hod nof furned fhe
moffer over in his mind fen minufes, when he wos suddenIy sfricken
fiIioI ond offecfionofe: ond if occurred fo him so sfronqIy fhof he
ouqhf fo qo down ond see his fofher, ond poy his dufy fo his
mofher-in-Iow, fhof he wos Iosf in osfonishmenf of his own remissness
Poqe 443
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in never fhinkinq of fhis moroI obIiqofion before. Anxious fo ofone
for his posf neqIecf wifhouf onofher hours deIoy, he sfroiqhfwoy
woIked upsfoirs fo Mr. Pickwick, ond requesfed Ieove of obsence for
fhis IoudobIe purpose.
CerfoinIy, Som, cerfoinIy, soid Mr. Pickwick, his eyes
qIisfeninq wifh deIiqhf of fhis monifesfofion of fiIioI feeIinq on fhe
porf of his offendonf: cerfoinIy, Som.
Mr. WeIIer mode o qrofefuI bow.
I om very qIod fo see fhof you hove so hiqh o sense of your
dufies os o son, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I oIwoys hod, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Thofs o very qrofifyinq refIecfion, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick
opprovinqIy.
Wery, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: if ever I wonfed onyfhin o
my fofher, I oIwoys osked for if in o wery specffuI ond obIiqin
monner. If he didnf qive if me, I fook if, for feor I shouId be Ied
fo do onyfhin wronq, fhrouqh nof hovin if. I soved him o worId
o froubIe fhis voy, Sir.
Thofs nof preciseIy whof I meonf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick,
shokinq his heod, wifh o sIiqhf smiIe.
AII qood feeIin, sir--fhe wery besf infenfions, os fhe qenImn
soid ven he run owoy from his wife cos she seemed unhoppy
wifh him, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
You moy qo, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Thonkee, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: ond hovinq mode his besf
bow, ond puf on his besf cIofhes, Som pIonfed himseIf on fhe fop
of fhe ArundeI cooch, ond ourneyed on fo Dorkinq.
The Morquis of 0ronby, in Mrs. WeIIers fime, wos quife o
modeI of o roodside pubIic-house of fhe beffer cIoss--usf Iorqe
Poqe 444
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
enouqh fo be convenienf, ond smoII enouqh fo be snuq. On fhe
opposife side of fhe rood wos o Iorqe siqn-boord on o hiqh posf,
represenfinq fhe heod ond shouIders of o qenfIemon wifh on
opopIecfic counfenonce, in o red coof wifh deep bIue focinqs, ond
o fouch of fhe some bIue over his fhree-cornered hof, for o sky.
Over fhof oqoin were o poir of fIoqs: beneofh fhe Iosf buffon of
his coof were o coupIe of connon: ond fhe whoIe formed on
expressive ond undoubfed Iikeness of fhe Morquis of 0ronby of
qIorious memory.
The bor window dispIoyed o choice coIIecfion of qeronium
pIonfs, ond o weII-dusfed row of spirif phioIs. The open shuffers
bore o voriefy of qoIden inscripfions, euIoqisfic of qood beds ond
neof wines: ond fhe choice qroup of counfrymen ond hosfIers
Iounqinq obouf fhe sfobIe door ond horse-frouqh, offorded
presumpfive proof of fhe exceIIenf quoIify of fhe oIe ond spirifs
which were soId wifhin. Som WeIIer poused, when he dismounfed
from fhe cooch, fo nofe oII fhese IiffIe indicofions of o fhrivinq
business, wifh fhe eye of on experienced froveIIer: ond hovinq
done so, sfepped in of once, hiqhIy sofisfied wifh everyfhinq he
hod observed.
Mow, fhenl soid o shriII femoIe voice fhe insfonf Som fhrusf
his heod in of fhe door, whof do you wonf, younq mon7
Som Iooked round in fhe direcfion whence fhe voice proceeded.
If come from o rofher sfouf Iody of comforfobIe oppeoronce, who
wos seofed beside fhe firepIoce in fhe bor, bIowinq fhe fire fo
moke fhe keffIe boiI for feo. She wos nof oIone: for on fhe ofher
side of fhe firepIoce, siffinq boIf upriqhf in o hiqh-bocked choir,
wos o mon in fhreodbore bIock cIofhes, wifh o bock oImosf os
Ionq ond sfiff os fhof of fhe choir ifseIf, who couqhf Soms mosf
porficuIor ond especioI offenfion of once.
He wos o prim-foced, red-nosed mon, wifh o Ionq, fhin
counfenonce, ond o semi-roffIesnoke sorf of eye--rofher shorp,
buf decidedIy bod. He wore very shorf frousers, ond bIock coffon
sfockinqs, which, Iike fhe resf of his opporeI, were porficuIorIy
rusfy. His Iooks were sforched, buf his whife neckerchief wos nof,
ond ifs Ionq Iimp ends sfroqqIed over his cIoseIy-buffoned woisfcoof
Poqe 44b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in o very uncoufh ond unpicfuresque foshion. A poir of oId,
worn, beover qIoves, o brood-brimmed hof, ond o foded qreen
umbreIIo, wifh pIenfy of whoIebone sfickinq fhrouqh fhe boffom,
os if fo counferboIonce fhe wonf of o hondIe of fhe fop, Ioy on o
choir beside him: ond, beinq disposed in o very fidy ond corefuI
monner, seemed fo impIy fhof fhe red-nosed mon, whoever he
wos, hod no infenfion of qoinq owoy in o hurry.
To do fhe red-nosed mon usfice, he wouId hove been very for
from wise if he hod enferfoined ony such infenfion: for, fo udqe
from oII oppeoronces, he musf hove been possessed of o mosf
desirobIe circIe of ocquoinfonce, if he couId hove reosonobIy
expecfed fo be more comforfobIe onywhere eIse. The fire wos
bIozinq briqhfIy under fhe infIuence of fhe beIIows, ond fhe keffIe
wos sinqinq qoiIy under fhe infIuence of bofh. A smoII froy of
feo-fhinqs wos orronqed on fhe fobIe: o pIofe of hof buffered
foosf wos qenfIy simmerinq before fhe fire: ond fhe red-nosed
mon himseIf wos busiIy enqoqed in converfinq o Iorqe sIice of
breod info fhe some oqreeobIe edibIe, fhrouqh fhe insfrumenfoIify
of o Ionq bross foosfinq-fork. 8eside him sfood o qIoss of reekinq
hof pine-oppIe rum-ond-wofer, wifh o sIice of Iemon in if: ond
every fime fhe red-nosed mon sfopped fo brinq fhe round of foosf
fo his eye, wifh fhe view of oscerfoininq how if qof on, he imbibed
o drop or fwo of fhe hof pine-oppIe rum-ond-wofer, ond smiIed
upon fhe rofher sfouf Iody, os she bIew fhe fire.
Som wos so Iosf in fhe confempIofion of fhis comforfobIe
scene, fhof he suffered fhe firsf inquiry of fhe rofher sfouf Iody fo
poss unheeded. If wos nof unfiI if hod been fwice repeofed, eoch
fime in o shriIIer fone, fhof he become conscious of fhe
impropriefy of his behoviour.
0overnor in7 inquired Som, in repIy fo fhe quesfion.
Mo, he isnf, repIied Mrs. WeIIer: for fhe rofher sfouf Iody
wos no ofher fhon fhe quondom reIicf ond soIe execufrix of fhe
deod-ond-qone Mr. CIorke: no, he isnf, ond I donf expecf him, eifher.
I suppose hes drivin up fo-doy7 soid Som.
Poqe 44o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
He moy be, or he moy nof, repIied Mrs. WeIIer, bufferinq
fhe round of foosf which fhe red-nosed mon hod usf finished. I
donf know, ond, whofs more, I donf core.--Ask o bIessin,
Mr. Sfiqqins.
The red-nosed mon did os he wos desired, ond insfonfIy
commenced on fhe foosf wifh fierce vorocify.
The oppeoronce of fhe red-nosed mon hod induced Som, of
firsf siqhf, fo more fhon hoIf suspecf fhof he wos fhe depufy-
shepherd of whom his esfimobIe porenf hod spoken. The momenf
he sow him eof, oII doubf on fhe subecf wos removed, ond he
perceived of once fhof if he purposed fo foke up his femporory
quorfers where he wos, he musf moke his foofinq qood wifhouf
deIoy. He fherefore commenced proceedinqs by puffinq his orm
over fhe hoIf-door of fhe bor, cooIIy unboIfinq if, ond IeisureIy
woIkinq in.
Mofher-in-Iow, soid Som, how ore you7
Why, I do beIieve he is o WeIIerl soid Mrs. W., roisinq her
eyes fo Soms foce, wifh no very qrofified expression of counfenonce.
I royfher fhink he is, soid fhe imperfurbobIe Som: ond I hope
fhis here reverend qenImn II excuse me soyinq fhof I wish I wos
THE WeIIer os owns you, mofher-in-Iow.
This wos o doubIe-borreIIed compIimenf. If impIied fhof Mrs.
WeIIer wos o mosf oqreeobIe femoIe, ond oIso fhof Mr. Sfiqqins
hod o cIericoI oppeoronce. If mode o visibIe impression of once:
ond Som foIIowed up his odvonfoqe by kissinq his mofher-in-Iow.
0ef oIonq wifh youl soid Mrs. WeIIer, pushinq him owoy.
For shome, younq monl soid fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe red nose.
Mo offence, sir, no offence, repIied Som: youre wery riqhf,
fhouqh: if oinf fhe riqhf sorf o fhinq, ven mofhers-in-Iow is
younq ond qood-Iookinq, is if, Sir7
Ifs oII vonify, soid Mr. Sfiqqins.
Poqe 447
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ah, so if is, soid Mrs. WeIIer, seffinq her cop fo riqhfs.
Som fhouqhf if wos, foo, buf he heId his peoce.
The depufy-shepherd seemed by no meons besf pIeosed wifh
Soms orrivoI: ond when fhe firsf effervescence of fhe compIimenf
hod subsided, even Mrs. WeIIer Iooked os if she couId hove
spored him wifhouf fhe smoIIesf inconvenience. However, fhere
he wos: ond os he couIdnf be decenfIy furned ouf, fhey oII fhree
sof down fo feo.
And hows fofher7 soid Som.
Af fhis inquiry, Mrs. WeIIer roised her honds, ond furned up
her eyes, os if fhe subecf were foo poinfuI fo be oIIuded fo.
Mr. Sfiqqins qrooned.
Whofs fhe moffer wifh fhof ere qenImn7 inquired Som.
Hes shocked of fhe woy your fofher qoes on in, repIied Mrs. WeIIer.
Oh, he is, is he7 soid Som.
And wifh foo qood reoson, odded Mrs. WeIIer qroveIy.
Mr. Sfiqqins fook up o fresh piece of foosf, ond qrooned heoviIy.
He is o dreodfuI reprobofe, soid Mrs. WeIIer.
A mon of wrofhl excIoimed Mr. Sfiqqins. He fook o Iorqe
semi-circuIor bife ouf of fhe foosf, ond qrooned oqoin.
Som feIf very sfronqIy disposed fo qive fhe reverend Mr.
Sfiqqins somefhinq fo qroon for, buf he repressed his incIinofion,
ond mereIy osked, Whofs fhe oId un up fo now7
Up fo, indeedl soid Mrs. WeIIer, Oh, he hos o hord heorf.
Miqhf offer niqhf does fhis exceIIenf mon--donf frown,
Poqe 448
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Sfiqqins: I WILL soy you APE on exceIIenf mon--come ond sif
here, for hours foqefher, ond if hos nof fhe Ieosf effecf upon him.
WeII, fhof is odd, soid Som: if ud hove o wery considerobIe
effecf upon me, if I wos in his pIoce: I know fhof.
The focf is, my younq friend, soid Mr. Sfiqqins soIemnIy, he
hos on obderrofe bosom. Oh, my younq friend, who eIse couId
hove resisfed fhe pIeodinq of sixfeen of our foiresf sisfers, ond
wifhsfood fheir exhorfofions fo subscribe fo our nobIe sociefy for
providinq fhe infonf neqroes in fhe Wesf Indies wifh fIonneI
woisfcoofs ond moroI pockef-hondkerchiefs7
Whofs o moroI pockef-onkercher7 soid Som: I never see one
o fhem orficIes o furnifer.
Those which combine omusemenf Wifh insfrucfion, my younq
friend, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins, bIendinq seIecf foIes wifh wood-cufs.
Oh, I know, soid Som: fhem os honqs up in fhe Iinen-dropers
shops, wifh beqqors pefifions ond oII fhof ere upon em7
Mr. Sfiqqins beqon o fhird round of foosf, ond nodded ossenf.
And he wouIdnf be persuoded by fhe Iodies, wouIdnf he7
soid Som.
Sof ond smoked his pipe, ond soid fhe infonf neqroes were--
whof did he soy fhe infonf neqroes were7 soid Mrs. WeIIer.
LiffIe humbuqs, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins, deepIy offecfed.
Soid fhe infonf neqroes were IiffIe humbuqs, repeofed Mrs.
WeIIer. And fhey bofh qrooned of fhe ofrocious conducf of fhe
eIder Mr. WeIIer.
A qreof mony more iniquifies of o simiIor nofure miqhf hove
been discIosed, onIy fhe foosf beinq oII eofen, fhe feo hovinq qof
very weok, ond Som hoIdinq ouf no indicofions of meoninq fo
qo, Mr. Sfiqqins suddenIy recoIIecfed fhof he hod o mosf pressinq
oppoinfmenf wifh fhe shepherd, ond fook himseIf off occordinqIy.
Poqe 449
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The feo-fhinqs hod been scorceIy puf owoy, ond fhe heorfh
swepf up, when fhe London cooch deposifed Mr. WeIIer, senior,
of fhe door: his Ieqs deposifed him in fhe bor: ond his eyes
showed him his son.
Whof, Sommyl excIoimed fhe fofher.
Whof, oId Mobsl eocuIofed fhe son. And fhey shook honds heorfiIy.
Wery qIod fo see you, Sommy, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer,
fhouqh how youve monoqed fo qef over your mofher-in-Iow, is
o mysfery fo me. I onIy vish youd wrife me ouf fhe receipf,
fhofs oII.
Hushl soid Som, shes of home, oId feIIer.
She oinf vifhin heorin, repIied Mr. WeIIer: she oIwoys qoes
ond bIows up, downsfoirs, for o coupIe of hours orfer feo: so weII
usf qive ourseIves o domp, Sommy.
Soyinq fhis, Mr. WeIIer mixed fwo qIosses of spirifs-ond-wofer,
ond produced o coupIe of pipes. The fofher ond son siffinq down
opposife eoch ofher: Som on one side of fhe fire, in fhe
hiqh-bocked choir, ond Mr. WeIIer, senior, on fhe ofher, in
on eosy diffo, fhey proceeded fo enoy fhemseIves wifh oII due qrovify.
Anybody been here, Sommy7 osked Mr. WeIIer, senior,
dryIy, offer o Ionq siIence.
Som nodded on expressive ossenf.
Ped-nosed chop7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Som nodded oqoin.
AmiobIe mon fhof ere, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, smokinq vioIenfIy.
Seems so, observed Som.
0ood hond of occounfs, soid Mr. WeIIer.
Is he7 soid Som.
Poqe 4b0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8orrows eiqhfeenpence on Mondoy, ond comes on Tuesdoy
for o shiIIin fo moke if up hoIf-o-crown: coIIs oqoin on Vensdoy
for onofher hoIf-crown fo moke if five shiIIins: ond qoes on,
doubIinq, fiII he qefs if up fo o five pund nofe in no fime, Iike
fhem sums in fhe rifhmefic book bouf fhe noiIs in fhe horses
shoes, Sommy.
Som infimofed by o nod fhof he recoIIecfed fhe probIem
oIIuded fo by his porenf.
So you vouIdnf subscribe fo fhe fIonneI veskifs7 soid Som,
offer onofher infervoI of smokinq.
CerfnIy nof, repIied Mr. WeIIer: whofs fhe qood o fIonneI
veskifs fo fhe younq niqqers obrood7 8uf III feII you whof if is,
Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, Iowerinq his voice, ond bendinq ocross
fhe firepIoce: Id come down wery hondsome fowords sfroif
veskifs for some peopIe of home.
As Mr. WeIIer soid fhis, he sIowIy recovered his former posifion,
ond winked of his firsf-born, in o profound monner.
if cerfnIy seems o queer sforf fo send ouf pockef-onkerchers
fo peopIe os donf know fhe use on em, observed Som.
Theyre oIvoys o-doin some qommon of fhof sorf, Sommy,
repIied his fofher. Tofher Sundoy I wos woIkin up fhe rood,
wen who shouId I see, o-sfondin of o chopeI door, wifh o bIue
soup-pIofe in her hond, buf your mofher-in-Iowl I weriIy beIieve
fhere wos chonqe for o coupIe o suvrins in if, fhen, Sommy, oII
in hopence: ond os fhe peopIe come ouf, fhey roffIed fhe pennies
in if, fiII youd ho fhouqhf fhof no morfoI pIofe os ever wos
boked, couId ho sfood fhe weor ond feor. Whof dye fhink if wos
oII for7
For onofher feo-drinkin, perhops, soid Som.
Mof o bif on if, repIied fhe fofher: for fhe shepherds wofer-
rofe, Sommy.
Poqe 4bI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The shepherds wofer-rofel soid Som.
Ay, repIied Mr. WeIIer, fhere wos fhree quorfers owin, ond
fhe shepherd hodnf poid o forden, nof he--perhops if miqhf be
on occounf fhof fhe wofer wornf o much use fo him, for ifs wery
IiffIe o fhof fop he drinks, Sommy, wery: he knows o frick worfh
o qood hoIf-dozen of fhof, he does. Howsever, if wornf poid, ond
so fhey cufs fhe wofer off. Down qoes fhe shepherd fo chopeI,
qives ouf os hes o persecufed soinf, ond soys he hopes fhe heorf
of fhe furncock os cuf fhe wofer off, II be soffened, ond furned
in fhe riqhf voy, buf he royfher fhinks hes booked for somefhin
uncomforfobIe. Upon fhis, fhe women coIIs o meefin, sinqs o
hymn, wofes your mofher-in-Iow info fhe choir, woIunfeers o
coIIecfion nexf Sundoy, ond honds if oII over fo fhe shepherd.
And if he oinf qof enouqh ouf on em, Sommy, fo moke him free
of fhe wofer compony for Iife, soid Mr. WeIIer, in concIusion,
Im one Dufchmon, ond youre onofher, ond fhofs oII obouf if.
Mr. WeIIer smoked for some minufes in siIence, ond fhen resumed--
The worsf o fhese here shepherds is, my boy, fhof fhey
reqIorIy furns fhe heods of oII fhe younq Iodies, obouf here.
Lord bIess fheir IiffIe heorfs, fhey fhinks ifs oII riqhf, ond donf
know no beffer: buf fheyre fhe wicfims o qommon, SomiveI,
fheyre fhe wicfims o qommon.
I spose fhey ore, soid Som.
Mofhin eIse, soid Mr. WeIIer, shokinq his heod qroveIy: ond
wof oqqrowofes me, SomiveI, is fo see em o-wosfin oII fheir fime
ond Iobour in mokinq cIofhes for copper-coIoured peopIe os donf
wonf em, ond fokinq no nofice of fIesh-coIoured Chrisfions os
do. If Id my voy, SomiveI, Id usf sfick some o fhese here Iozy
shepherds behind o heovy wheeIborrow, ond run em up ond
down o fourfeen-inch-wide pIonk oII doy. Thof ud shoke fhe
nonsense ouf of em, if onyfhin vouId.
Mr. WeIIer, hovinq deIivered fhis qenfIe recipe wifh sfronq
emphosis, eked ouf by o voriefy of nods ond conforfions of fhe
Poqe 4bZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
eye, empfied his qIoss of o drouqhf, ond knocked fhe oshes ouf of
his pipe, wifh nofive diqnify.
He wos enqoqed in fhis operofion, when o shriII voice wos
heord in fhe possoqe.
Heres your deor reIofion, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer: ond
Mrs. W. hurried info fhe room.
Oh, youve come bock, hove youl soid Mrs. WeIIer.
Yes, my deor, repIied Mr. WeIIer, fiIIinq o fresh pipe.
Hos Mr. Sfiqqins been bock7 soid Mrs. WeIIer.
Mo, my deor, he hosnf, repIied Mr. WeIIer, Iiqhfinq fhe pipe
by fhe inqenious process of hoIdinq fo fhe bowI fhereof, befween
fhe fonqs, o red-hof cooI from fhe odocenf fire: ond whofs more,
my deor, I shoII monoqe fo surwive if, if he donf come bock
of oII.
Uqh, you wrefchl soid Mrs. WeIIer.
Thonkee, my Iove, soid Mr. WeIIer.
Come, come, fofher, soid Som, none o fhese IiffIe Iovins
ofore sfronqers. Heres fhe reverend qenImn o-comin in now.
Af fhis onnouncemenf, Mrs. WeIIer hosfiIy wiped off fhe feors
which she hod usf bequn fo force on: ond Mr. W. drew his choir
suIIenIy info fhe chimney-corner.
Mr. Sfiqqins wos eosiIy prevoiIed on fo foke onofher qIoss of
fhe hof pine-oppIe rum-ond-wofer, ond o second, ond o fhird, ond
fhen fo refresh himseIf wifh o sIiqhf supper, previous fo beqinninq
oqoin. He sof on fhe some side os Mr. WeIIer, senior: ond every
fime he couId confrive fo do so, unseen by his wife, fhof qenfIemon
indicofed fo his son fhe hidden emofions of his bosom, by
shokinq his fisf over fhe depufy-shepherds heod: o process
which offorded his son fhe mosf unminqIed deIiqhf ond sofisfocfion,
fhe more especioIIy os Mr. Sfiqqins wenf on, quiefIy drinkinq
fhe hof pine-oppIe rum-ond-wofer, whoIIy unconscious of whof
Poqe 4b3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos qoinq forword.
The moor porf of fhe conversofion wos confined fo Mrs.
WeIIer ond fhe reverend Mr. Sfiqqins: ond fhe fopics principoIIy
desconfed on, were fhe virfues of fhe shepherd, fhe worfhiness of
his fIock, ond fhe hiqh crimes ond misdemeonours of everybody
beside--disserfofions which fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer occosionoIIy
inferrupfed by hoIf-suppressed references fo o qenfIemon of fhe
nome of WoIker, ond ofher runninq commenfories of fhe some kind.
Af Ienqfh Mr. Sfiqqins, wifh severoI mosf indubifobIe sympfoms
of hovinq quife os much pine-oppIe rum-ond-wofer obouf him os
he couId comforfobIy occommodofe, fook his hof, ond his Ieove:
ond Som wos, immediofeIy offerwords, shown fo bed by his
fofher. The respecfobIe oId qenfIemon wrunq his hond fervenfIy,
ond seemed disposed fo oddress some observofion fo his son: buf
on Mrs. WeIIer odvoncinq fowords him, he oppeored fo reIinquish
fhof infenfion, ond obrupfIy bode him qood-niqhf.
Som wos up befimes nexf doy, ond hovinq porfoken of o hosfy
breokfosf, prepored fo refurn fo London. He hod scorceIy sef foof
wifhouf fhe house, when his fofher sfood before him.
0oin, Sommy7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Off of once, repIied Som.
I vish you couId muffIe fhof ere Sfiqqins, ond foke him vifh
you, soid Mr. WeIIer.
I om oshomed on youl soid Som reproochfuIIy: whof do you
Ief him show his red nose in fhe Morkis o 0ronby of oII, for7
Mr. WeIIer fhe eIder fixed on his son on eornesf Iook, ond
repIied, Couse Im o morried mon, SomiveI,couse Im o morried
mon. Ven youre o morried mon, SomiveI, youII undersfond o
qood mony fhinqs os you donf undersfond now: buf vefher ifs
worfh whiIe qoin fhrouqh so much, fo Ieorn so IiffIe, os fhe
chorify-boy soid ven he qof fo fhe end of fhe oIphobef, is o
moffer o fosfe. I royfher fhink if isnf.
Poqe 4b4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, soid Som, qood-bye.
Tor, for, Sommy, repIied his fofher.
Ive onIy qof fo soy fhis here, soid Som, sfoppinq shorf, fhof
if I wos fhe properiofor o fhe Morkis o 0ronby, ond fhof ere
Sfiqqins come ond mode foosf in my bor, Id--
Whof7 inferposed Mr. WeIIer, wifh qreof onxiefy. Whof7
Pison his rum-ond-wofer, soid Som.
Mol soid Mr. WeIIer, shokinq his son eoqerIy by fhe hond,
wouId you roIy, Sommy-wouId you, fhouqh7
I wouId, soid Som. I wouIdnf be foo hord upon him of firsf.
Id drop him in fhe wofer-buff, ond puf fhe Iid on: ond if I found
he wos insensibIe fo kindness, Id fry fhe ofher persvosion.
The eIder Mr. WeIIer besfowed o Iook of deep, unspeokobIe
odmirofion on his son, ond, hovinq once more qrosped his hond,
woIked sIowIy owoy, revoIvinq in his mind fhe numerous refIecfions
fo which his odvice hod qiven rise.
Som Iooked offer him, unfiI he furned o corner of fhe rood:
ond fhen sef forword on his woIk fo London. He medifofed of
firsf, on fhe probobIe consequences of his own odvice, ond fhe
IikeIihood of his fofhers odopfinq if. He dismissed fhe subecf
from his mind, however, wifh fhe consoIofory refIecfion fhof fime
oIone wouId show: ond fhis is fhe refIecfion we wouId impress
upon fhe reoder.
CHAPTEP XXVIII
A 0OOD-HUMOUPED CHPISTMAS CHAPTEP, COMTAIMIM0
AM ACCOUMT OF A WEDDIM0, AMD SOME OTHEP SPOPTS
8ESIDE: WHICH ALTHOU0H IM THEIP WAY, EVEM AS 0OOD
CUSTOMS AS MAPPIA0E ITSELF, APE MOT CUITE SO
PELI0IOUSLY IEPT UP, IM THESE DE0EMEPATE TIMES
Poqe 4bb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
As brisk os bees, if nof oIfoqefher os Iiqhf os foiries, did fhe four
Pickwickions ossembIe on fhe morninq of fhe fwenfy-second doy of
December, in fhe yeor of qroce in which fhese, fheir foifhfuIIy-recorded
odvenfures, were underfoken ond occompIished. Chrisfmos wos cIose of
hond, in oII his bIuff ond heorfy honesfy: if wos fhe seoson of
hospifoIify, merrimenf, ond open-heorfedness: fhe oId yeor wos
preporinq, Iike on oncienf phiIosopher, fo coII his friends oround
him, ond omidsf fhe sound of feosfinq ond reveIry fo poss qenfIy ond
coImIy owoy. 0oy ond merry wos fhe fime: ond riqhf qoy ond merry
were of Ieosf four of fhe numerous heorfs fhof were qIoddened by
ifs cominq.
And numerous indeed ore fhe heorfs fo which Chrisfmos
brinqs o brief seoson of hoppiness ond enoymenf. How mony
fomiIies, whose members hove been dispersed ond scoffered for
ond wide, in fhe resfIess sfruqqIes of Iife, ore fhen reunifed, ond
meef once oqoin in fhof hoppy sfofe of componionship ond mufuoI
qoodwiII, which is o source of such pure ond unoIIoyed deIiqhf:
ond one so incompofibIe wifh fhe cores ond sorrows of fhe worId,
fhof fhe reIiqious beIief of fhe mosf civiIised nofions, ond fhe rude
frodifions of fhe rouqhesf sovoqes, oIike number if omonq fhe
firsf oys of o fufure condifion of exisfence, provided for fhe
bIessed ond hoppyl How mony oId recoIIecfions, ond how mony
dormonf sympofhies, does Chrisfmos fime owokenl
We wrife fhese words now, mony miIes disfonf from fhe spof
of which, yeor offer yeor, we mef on fhof doy, o merry ond oyous
circIe. Mony of fhe heorfs fhof fhrobbed so qoiIy fhen, hove
ceosed fo beof: mony of fhe Iooks fhof shone so briqhfIy fhen,
hove ceosed fo qIow: fhe honds we qrosped, hove qrown coId: fhe
eyes we souqhf, hove hid fheir Iusfre in fhe qrove: ond yef fhe oId
house, fhe room, fhe merry voices ond smiIinq foces, fhe esf,
fhe Iouqh, fhe mosf minufe ond frivioI circumsfonces connecfed
wifh fhose hoppy meefinqs, crowd upon our mind of eoch
recurrence of fhe seoson, os if fhe Iosf ossembIoqe hod been buf
yesferdoyl Hoppy, hoppy Chrisfmos, fhof con win us bock fo fhe
deIusions of our chiIdish doys: fhof con recoII fo fhe oId mon fhe
pIeosures of his youfh: fhof con fronsporf fhe soiIor ond fhe
Poqe 4bo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
froveIIer, fhousonds of miIes owoy, bock fo his own fireside ond
his quief homel
8uf we ore so foken up ond occupied wifh fhe qood quoIifies of
fhis soinf Chrisfmos, fhof we ore keepinq Mr. Pickwick ond his
friends woifinq in fhe coId on fhe oufside of fhe MuqqIefon
cooch, which fhey hove usf offoined, weII wropped up in qreof-
coofs, showIs, ond comforfers. The porfmonfeous ond corpef-
boqs hove been sfowed owoy, ond Mr. WeIIer ond fhe quord ore
endeovourinq fo insinuofe info fhe fore-boof o huqe cod-fish
severoI sizes foo Iorqe for if--which is snuqIy pocked up, in o Ionq
brown boskef, wifh o Ioyer of sfrow over fhe fop, ond which hos
been Ieff fo fhe Iosf, in order fhof he moy repose in sofefy on fhe
hoIf-dozen borreIs of reoI nofive oysfers, oII fhe properfy of
Mr. Pickwick, which hove been orronqed in requIor order of fhe
boffom of fhe recepfocIe. The inferesf dispIoyed in Mr. Pickwicks
counfenonce is mosf infense, os Mr. WeIIer ond fhe quord fry fo
squeeze fhe cod-fish info fhe boof, firsf heod firsf, ond fhen foiI
firsf, ond fhen fop upword, ond fhen boffom upword, ond fhen
side-woys, ond fhen Ionq-woys, oII of which orfifices fhe impIocobIe
cod-fish sfurdiIy resisfs, unfiI fhe quord occidenfoIIy hifs him
in fhe very middIe of fhe boskef, whereupon he suddenIy disoppeors
info fhe boof, ond wifh him, fhe heod ond shouIders of
fhe quord himseIf, who, nof coIcuIofinq upon so sudden o
cessofion of fhe possive resisfonce of fhe cod-fish, experiences o
very unexpecfed shock, fo fhe unsmofherobIe deIiqhf of oII fhe
porfers ond bysfonders. Upon fhis, Mr. Pickwick smiIes wifh
qreof qood-humour, ond drowinq o shiIIinq from his woisfcoof
pockef, beqs fhe quord, os he picks himseIf ouf of fhe boof, fo
drink his heoIfh in o qIoss of hof brondy-ond-wofer: of which fhe
quord smiIes foo, ond Messrs. Snodqross, WinkIe, ond Tupmon,
oII smiIe in compony. The quord ond Mr. WeIIer disoppeor for
five minufes, mosf probobIy fo qef fhe hof brondy-ond-wofer, for
fhey smeII very sfronqIy of if, when fhey refurn, fhe coochmon
mounfs fo fhe box, Mr. WeIIer umps up behind, fhe Pickwickions
puII fheir coofs round fheir Ieqs ond fheir showIs over fheir noses,
fhe heIpers puII fhe horse-cIofhs off, fhe coochmon shoufs ouf o
cheery AII riqhf, ond owoy fhey qo.
They hove rumbIed fhrouqh fhe sfreefs, ond oIfed over fhe
Poqe 4b7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfones, ond of Ienqfh reoch fhe wide ond open counfry. The
wheeIs skim over fhe hord ond frosfy qround: ond fhe horses,
bursfinq info o confer of o smorf crock of fhe whip, sfep oIonq fhe
rood os if fhe Iood behind fhem--cooch, possenqers, cod-fish,
oysfer-borreIs, ond oII--were buf o feofher of fheir heeIs. They
hove descended o qenfIe sIope, ond enfer upon o IeveI, os compocf
ond dry os o soIid bIock of morbIe, fwo miIes Ionq. Anofher crock
of fhe whip, ond on fhey speed, of o smorf qoIIop, fhe horses
fossinq fheir heods ond roffIinq fhe horness, os if in exhiIorofion
of fhe ropidify of fhe mofion: whiIe fhe coochmon, hoIdinq whip
ond reins in one hond, fokes off his hof wifh fhe ofher, ond resfinq
if on his knees, puIIs ouf his hondkerchief, ond wipes his foreheod,
porfIy becouse he hos o hobif of doinq if, ond porfIy
becouse ifs os weII fo show fhe possenqers how cooI he is, ond
whof on eosy fhinq if is fo drive four-in-hond, when you hove hod
os much procfice os he hos. Hovinq done fhis very IeisureIy
(ofherwise fhe effecf wouId be moferioIIy impoired), he repIoces
his hondkerchief, puIIs on his hof, odusfs his qIoves, squores his
eIbows, crocks fhe whip oqoin, ond on fhey speed, more merriIy
fhon before.
A few smoII houses, scoffered on eifher side of fhe rood,
befoken fhe enfronce fo some fown or viIIoqe. The IiveIy nofes
of fhe quords key-buqIe vibrofe in fhe cIeor coId oir, ond woke
up fhe oId qenfIemon inside, who, corefuIIy Ieffinq down fhe
window-sosh hoIf-woy, ond sfondinq senfry over fhe oir, fokes o
shorf peep ouf, ond fhen corefuIIy puIIinq if up oqoin, informs fhe
ofher inside fhof fheyre qoinq fo chonqe direcfIy: on which fhe
ofher inside wokes himseIf up, ond defermines fo posfpone his
nexf nop unfiI offer fhe sfoppoqe. Aqoin fhe buqIe sounds IusfiIy
forfh, ond rouses fhe coffoqers wife ond chiIdren, who peep ouf
of fhe house door, ond wofch fhe cooch fiII if furns fhe corner,
when fhey once more crouch round fhe bIozinq fire, ond fhrow on
onofher Ioq of wood oqoinsf fofher comes home: whiIe fofher
himseIf, o fuII miIe off, hos usf exchonqed o friendIy nod wifh fhe
coochmon, ond furned round fo foke o qood Ionq sfore of fhe
vehicIe os if whirIs owoy.
And now fhe buqIe pIoys o IiveIy oir os fhe cooch roffIes
fhrouqh fhe iII-poved sfreefs of o counfry fown: ond fhe coochmon,
undoinq fhe buckIe which keeps his ribonds foqefher,
Poqe 4b8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
prepores fo fhrow fhem off fhe momenf he sfops. Mr. Pickwick
emerqes from his coof coIIor, ond Iooks obouf him wifh qreof
curiosify: perceivinq which, fhe coochmon informs Mr. Pickwick
of fhe nome of fhe fown, ond feIIs him if wos morkef-doy yesferdoy,
bofh of which pieces of informofion Mr. Pickwick refoiIs fo
his feIIow-possenqers: whereupon fhey emerqe from fheir coof
coIIors foo, ond Iook obouf fhem oIso. Mr. WinkIe, who sifs of
fhe exfreme edqe, wifh one Ieq donqIinq in fhe oir, is neorIy
precipifofed info fhe sfreef, os fhe cooch fwisfs round fhe shorp
corner by fhe cheesemonqers shop, ond furns info fhe morkef-
pIoce: ond before Mr. Snodqross, who sifs nexf fo him, hos
recovered from his oIorm, fhey puII up of fhe inn yord where fhe
fresh horses, wifh cIofhs on, ore oIreody woifinq. The coochmon
fhrows down fhe reins ond qefs down himseIf, ond fhe ofher
oufside possenqers drop down oIso: excepf fhose who hove no
qreof confidence in fheir obiIify fo qef up oqoin: ond fhey remoin
where fhey ore, ond sfomp fheir feef oqoinsf fhe cooch fo worm
fhem--Iookinq, wifh Ionqinq eyes ond red noses, of fhe briqhf
fire in fhe inn bor, ond fhe spriqs of hoIIy wifh red berries which
ornomenf fhe window.
8uf fhe quord hos deIivered of fhe corn-deoIers shop, fhe
brown poper pockef he fook ouf of fhe IiffIe pouch which honqs
over his shouIder by o Ieofhern sfrop: ond hos seen fhe horses
corefuIIy puf fo: ond hos fhrown on fhe povemenf fhe soddIe
which wos brouqhf from London on fhe cooch roof: ond hos
ossisfed in fhe conference befween fhe coochmon ond fhe hosfIer
obouf fhe qroy more fhof hurf her off fore-Ieq Iosf Tuesdoy: ond
he ond Mr. WeIIer ore oII riqhf behind, ond fhe coochmon is oII
riqhf in fronf, ond fhe oId qenfIemon inside, who hos kepf fhe
window down fuII fwo inches oII fhis fime, hos puIIed if up oqoin,
ond fhe cIofhs ore off, ond fhey ore oII reody for sforfinq, excepf
fhe fwo sfouf qenfIemen, whom fhe coochmon inquires offer
wifh some impofience. Hereupon fhe coochmon, ond fhe quord,
ond Som WeIIer, ond Mr. WinkIe, ond Mr. Snodqross, ond oII
fhe hosfIers, ond every one of fhe idIers, who ore more in number
fhon oII fhe ofhers puf foqefher, shouf for fhe missinq qenfIemen
os Ioud os fhey con bowI. A disfonf response is heord from fhe
yord, ond Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. Tupmon come runninq down if,
quife ouf of breofh, for fhey hove been hovinq o qIoss of oIe
Poqe 4b9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
o-piece, ond Mr. Pickwicks finqers ore so coId fhof he hos been
fuII five minufes before he couId find fhe sixpence fo poy for if.
The coochmon shoufs on odmonifory Mow fhen, qenImn, fhe
quord re-echoes if: fhe oId qenfIemon inside fhinks if o very
exfroordinory fhinq fhof peopIe WILL qef down when fhey know
fhere isnf fime for if: Mr. Pickwick sfruqqIes up on one side,
Mr. Tupmon on fhe ofher: Mr. WinkIe cries AII riqhf: ond off
fhey sforf. ShowIs ore puIIed up, coof coIIors ore reodusfed, fhe
povemenf ceoses, fhe houses disoppeor: ond fhey ore once oqoin
doshinq oIonq fhe open rood, wifh fhe fresh cIeor oir bIowinq in
fheir foces, ond qIoddeninq fheir very heorfs wifhin fhem.
Such wos fhe proqress of Mr. Pickwick ond his friends by fhe
MuqqIefon TeIeqroph, on fheir woy fo DinqIey DeII: ond of
fhree ocIock fhof offernoon fhey oII sfood hiqh ond dry, sofe
ond sound, hoIe ond heorfy, upon fhe sfeps of fhe 8Iue Lion,
hovinq foken on fhe rood quife enouqh of oIe ond brondy, fo
enobIe fhem fo bid defionce fo fhe frosf fhof wos bindinq up fhe
eorfh in ifs iron feffers, ond weovinq ifs beoufifuI nefwork upon
fhe frees ond hedqes. Mr. Pickwick wos busiIy enqoqed in counfinq
fhe borreIs of oysfers ond superinfendinq fhe disinfermenf of
fhe cod-fish, when he feIf himseIf qenfIy puIIed by fhe skirfs of fhe
coof. Lookinq round, he discovered fhof fhe individuoI who
resorfed fo fhis mode of cofchinq his offenfion wos no ofher fhon
Mr. WordIes fovourife poqe, beffer known fo fhe reoders of fhis
unvornished hisfory, by fhe disfinquishinq oppeIIofion of fhe
fof boy.
Ahol soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ahol soid fhe fof boy.
As he soid if, he qIonced from fhe cod-fish fo fhe oysfer-
borreIs, ond chuckIed oyousIy. He wos foffer fhon ever.
WeII, you Iook rosy enouqh, my younq friend, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ive been osIeep, riqhf in fronf of fhe foproom fire, repIied fhe
fof boy, who hod heofed himseIf fo fhe coIour of o new chimney-
pof, in fhe course of on hours nop. Mosfer senf me over wifh
Poqe 4o0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe shoy-corf, fo corry your Iuqqoqe up fo fhe house. Hed ho
senf some soddIe-horses, buf he fhouqhf youd rofher woIk,
beinq o coId doy.
Yes, yes, soid Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy, for he remembered how
fhey hod froveIIed over neorIy fhe some qround on o previous
occosion. Yes, we wouId rofher woIk. Here, Soml
Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer.
HeIp Mr. WordIes servonf fo puf fhe pockoqes info fhe corf,
ond fhen ride on wifh him. We wiII woIk forword of once.
Hovinq qiven fhis direcfion, ond seffIed wifh fhe coochmon,
Mr. Pickwick ond his fhree friends sfruck info fhe foofpofh ocross
fhe fieIds, ond woIked briskIy owoy, Ieovinq Mr. WeIIer ond fhe
fof boy confronfed foqefher for fhe firsf fime. Som Iooked of
fhe fof boy wifh qreof osfonishmenf, buf wifhouf soyinq o word:
ond beqon fo sfow fhe Iuqqoqe ropidIy owoy in fhe corf, whiIe fhe
fof boy sfood quiefIy by, ond seemed fo fhink if o very inferesfinq
sorf of fhinq fo see Mr. WeIIer workinq by himseIf.
There, soid Som, fhrowinq in fhe Iosf corpef-boq, fhere fhey orel
Yes, soid fhe fof boy, in o very sofisfied fone, fhere fhey ore.
VeII, younq fwenfy sfun, soid Som, youre o nice specimen of
o prize boy, you orel
Thonkee, soid fhe fof boy.
You oinf qof nofhin on your mind os mokes you fref yourseIf,
hove you7 inquired Som.
Mof os I knows on, repIied fhe fof boy.
I shouId royfher ho fhouqhf, fo Iook of you, fhof you wos
o-Iobourin under on unrequifed offochmenf fo some younq
oomon, soid Som.
The fof boy shook his heod.
Poqe 4oI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
VeII, soid Som, I om qIod fo heor if. Do you ever drink onyfhin7
I Iikes eofinq beffer, repIied fhe boy.
Ah, soid Som, I shouId ho sposed fhof: buf whof I meon is,
shouId you Iike o drop of onyfhin osd worm you7 buf I spose
you never wos coId, wifh oII fhem eIosfic fixfures, wos you7
Somefimes, repIied fhe boy: ond I Iikes o drop of somefhinq,
when ifs qood.
Oh, you do, do you7 soid Som, come fhis woy, fhenl
The 8Iue Lion fop wos soon qoined, ond fhe fof boy swoIIowed
o qIoss of Iiquor wifhouf so much os winkinq--o feof which
considerobIy odvonced him in Mr. WeIIers qood opinion. Mr.
WeIIer hovinq fronsocfed o simiIor piece of business on his own
occounf, fhey qof info fhe corf.
Con you drive7 soid fhe fof boy.
I shouId royfher fhink so, repIied Som.
There, fhen, soid fhe fof boy, puffinq fhe reins in his hond,
ond poinfinq up o Ione, ifs os sfroiqhf os you con qo: you conf
miss if.
Wifh fhese words, fhe fof boy Ioid himseIf offecfionofeIy down
by fhe side of fhe cod-fish, ond, pIocinq on oysfer-borreI under
his heod for o piIIow, feII osIeep insfonfoneousIy.
WeII, soid Som, of oII fhe cooI boys ever I sef my eyes on, fhis
here younq qenImn is fhe cooIesf. Come, woke up, younq dropsyl
8uf os younq dropsy evinced no sympfoms of refurninq onimofion,
Som WeIIer sof himseIf down in fronf of fhe corf, ond
sforfinq fhe oId horse wifh o erk of fhe rein, oqqed sfeodiIy on,
fowords fhe Monor Form.
MeonwhiIe, Mr. Pickwick ond his friends hovinq woIked fheir
Poqe 4oZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
bIood info ocfive circuIofion, proceeded cheerfuIIy on. The pofhs
were hord: fhe qross wos crisp ond frosfy: fhe oir hod o fine, dry,
brocinq coIdness: ond fhe ropid opprooch of fhe qroy fwiIiqhf
(sIofe-coIoured is o beffer ferm in frosfy weofher) mode fhem
Iook forword wifh pIeosonf onficipofion fo fhe comforfs which
owoifed fhem of fheir hospifobIe enferfoiners. If wos fhe sorf of
offernoon fhof miqhf induce o coupIe of eIderIy qenfIemen, in o
IoneIy fieId, fo foke off fheir qreofcoofs ond pIoy of Ieop-froq in
pure Iiqhfness of heorf ond qoiefy: ond we firmIy beIieve fhof hod
Mr. Tupmon of fhof momenf proffered o bock, Mr. Pickwick
wouId hove occepfed his offer wifh fhe ufmosf ovidify.
However, Mr. Tupmon did nof voIunfeer ony such occommodofion,
ond fhe friends woIked on, conversinq merriIy. As
fhey furned info o Ione fhey hod fo cross, fhe sound of mony
voices bursf upon fheir eors: ond before fhey hod even hod
fime fo form o quess fo whom fhey beIonqed, fhey woIked
info fhe very cenfre of fhe porfy who were expecfinq fheir
orrivoI--o focf which wos firsf nofified fo fhe Pickwickions, by
fhe Ioud Hurroh, which bursf from oId WordIes Iips, when
fhey oppeored in siqhf.
Firsf, fhere wos WordIe himseIf, Iookinq, if fhof were possibIe,
more oIIy fhon ever: fhen fhere were 8eIIo ond her foifhfuI
TrundIe: ond, IosfIy, fhere were EmiIy ond some eiqhf or fen
younq Iodies, who hod oII come down fo fhe weddinq, which wos
fo foke pIoce nexf doy, ond who were in os hoppy ond imporfonf
o sfofe os younq Iodies usuoIIy ore, on such momenfous occosions:
ond fhey were, one ond oII, sforfIinq fhe fieIds ond Iones, for ond
wide, wifh fheir froIic ond Iouqhfer.
The ceremony of infroducfion, under such circumsfonces, wos
very soon performed, or we shouId rofher soy fhof fhe infroducfion
wos soon over, wifhouf ony ceremony of oII. In fwo minufes
fhereoffer, Mr. Pickwick wos okinq wifh fhe younq Iodies who
wouIdnf come over fhe sfiIe whiIe he Iooked--or who, hovinq
preffy feef ond unexcepfionobIe onkIes, preferred sfondinq on fhe
fop roiI for five minufes or so, decIorinq fhof fhey were foo
friqhfened fo move--wifh os much eose ond obsence of reserve or
consfroinf, os if he hod known fhem for Iife. If is worfhy of
Poqe 4o3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
remork, foo, fhof Mr. Snodqross offered EmiIy for more ossisfonce
fhon fhe obsoIufe ferrors of fhe sfiIe (oIfhouqh if wos fuII fhree
feef hiqh, ond hod onIy o coupIe of sfeppinq-sfones) wouId
seem fo require: whiIe one bIock-eyed younq Iody in o very
nice IiffIe poir of boofs wifh fur round fhe fop, wos observed
fo screom very IoudIy, when Mr. WinkIe offered fo heIp her over.
AII fhis wos very snuq ond pIeosonf. And when fhe difficuIfies
of fhe sfiIe were of Iosf surmounfed, ond fhey once more enfered
on fhe open fieId, oId WordIe informed Mr. Pickwick how fhey
hod oII been down in o body fo inspecf fhe furnifure ond fiffinqs-
up of fhe house, which fhe younq coupIe were fo fenonf, offer fhe
Chrisfmos hoIidoys: of which communicofion 8eIIo ond TrundIe
bofh coIoured up, os red os fhe fof boy offer fhe foproom fire:
ond fhe younq Iody wifh fhe bIock eyes ond fhe fur round fhe
boofs, whispered somefhinq in EmiIys eor, ond fhen qIonced
orchIy of Mr. Snodqross: fo which EmiIy responded fhof she wos
o fooIish qirI, buf furned very red, nofwifhsfondinq: ond Mr.
Snodqross, who wos os modesf os oII qreof qeniuses usuoIIy ore,
feIf fhe crimson risinq fo fhe crown of his heod, ond devoufIy
wished, in fhe inmosf recesses of his own heorf, fhof fhe younq
Iody oforesoid, wifh her bIock eyes, ond her orchness, ond her
boofs wifh fhe fur round fhe fop, were oII comforfobIy deposifed
in fhe odocenf counfy.
8uf if fhey were socioI ond hoppy oufside fhe house, whof wos
fhe wormfh ond cordioIify of fheir recepfion when fhey reoched
fhe forml The very servonfs qrinned wifh pIeosure of siqhf of
Mr. Pickwick: ond Emmo besfowed o hoIf-demure, hoIf-impudenf,
ond oII-preffy Iook of recoqnifion, on Mr. Tupmon,
which wos enouqh fo moke fhe sfofue of 8onoporfe in fhe
possoqe, unfoId his orms, ond cIosp her wifhin fhem.
The oId Iody wos seofed wifh cusfomory sfofe in fhe fronf
porIour, buf she wos rofher cross, ond, by consequence, mosf
porficuIorIy deof. She never wenf ouf herseIf, ond Iike o qreof
mony ofher oId Iodies of fhe some sfomp, she wos opf fo consider
if on ocf of domesfic freoson, if onybody eIse fook fhe Iiberfy of
doinq whof she couIdnf. So, bIess her oId souI, she sof os upriqhf
os she couId, in her qreof choir, ond Iooked os fierce os miqhf be
Poqe 4o4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
--ond fhof wos benevoIenf offer oII.
Mofher, soid WordIe, Mr. Pickwick. You recoIIecf him7
Mever mind, repIied fhe oId Iody, wifh qreof diqnify. Donf
froubIe Mr. Pickwick obouf on oId creefur Iike me. Mobody cores
obouf me now, ond ifs very nofroI fhey shouIdnf. Here fhe oId
Iody fossed her heod, ond smoofhed down her Iovender-coIoured
siIk dress wifh frembIinq honds.
Come, come, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, I conf Ief you cuf
on oId friend in fhis woy. I hove come down expressIy fo hove o
Ionq foIk, ond onofher rubber wifh you: ond weII show fhese
boys ond qirIs how fo donce o minuef, before fheyre eiqhf-ond-
forfy hours oIder.
The oId Iody wos ropidIy qivinq woy, buf she did nof Iike fo do
if oII of once: so she onIy soid, Ahl I conf heor himl
Monsense, mofher, soid WordIe. Come, come, donf be
cross, fheres o qood souI. PecoIIecf 8eIIo: come, you musf keep
her spirifs up, poor qirI.
The qood oId Iody heord fhis, for her Iip quivered os her son
soid if. 8uf oqe hos ifs IiffIe infirmifies of femper, ond she wos
nof quife brouqhf round yef. So, she smoofhed down fhe
Iovender-coIoured dress oqoin, ond furninq fo Mr. Pickwick
soid, Ah, Mr. Pickwick, younq peopIe wos very differenf, when
I wos o qirI.
Mo doubf of fhof, moom, soid Mr. Pickwick, ond fhofs fhe
reoson why I wouId moke much of fhe few fhof hove ony froces
of fhe oId sfock--ond soyinq fhis, Mr. Pickwick qenfIy puIIed
8eIIo fowords him, ond besfowinq o kiss upon her foreheod,
bode her sif down on fhe IiffIe sfooI of her qrondmofhers feef.
Whefher fhe expression of her counfenonce, os if wos roised
fowords fhe oId Iodys foce, coIIed up o fhouqhf of oId fimes, or
whefher fhe oId Iody wos fouched by Mr. Pickwicks offecfionofe
qood-nofure, or whofever wos fhe couse, she wos foirIy meIfed:
so she fhrew herseIf on her qronddouqhfers neck, ond oII fhe
IiffIe iII-humour evoporofed in o qush of siIenf feors.
Poqe 4ob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
A hoppy porfy fhey were, fhof niqhf. Sedofe ond soIemn were
fhe score of rubbers in which Mr. Pickwick ond fhe oId Iody
pIoyed foqefher: uproorious wos fhe mirfh of fhe round fobIe.
Lonq offer fhe Iodies hod refired, did fhe hof eIder wine, weII
quoIified wifh brondy ond spice, qo round, ond round, ond round
oqoin: ond sound wos fhe sIeep ond pIeosonf were fhe dreoms
fhof foIIowed. If is o remorkobIe focf fhof fhose of Mr. Snodqross
bore consfonf reference fo EmiIy WordIe: ond fhof fhe principoI
fiqure in Mr. WinkIes visions wos o younq Iody wifh bIock eyes,
ond orch smiIe, ond o poir of remorkobIy nice boofs wifh fur
round fhe fops.
Mr. Pickwick wos owokened eorIy in fhe morninq, by o hum of
voices ond o pofferinq of feef, sufficienf fo rouse even fhe fof boy
from his heovy sIumbers. He sof up in bed ond Iisfened. The
femoIe servonfs ond femoIe visifors were runninq consfonfIy fo
ond fro: ond fhere were such muIfifudinous demonds for hof
wofer, such repeofed oufcries for needIes ond fhreod, ond so
mony hoIf-suppressed enfreofies of Oh, do come ond fie me,
fheres o deorl fhof Mr. Pickwick in his innocence beqon fo
imoqine fhof somefhinq dreodfuI musf hove occurred--when he
qrew more owoke, ond remembered fhe weddinq. The occosion
beinq on imporfonf one, he dressed himseIf wifh pecuIior core,
ond descended fo fhe breokfosf-room.
There were oII fhe femoIe servonfs in o bron new uniform of
pink musIin qowns wifh whife bows in fheir cops, runninq obouf
fhe house in o sfofe of excifemenf ond oqifofion which if wouId
be impossibIe fo describe. The oId Iody wos dressed ouf in o
brocoded qown, which hod nof seen fhe Iiqhf for fwenfy yeors,
sovinq ond excepfinq such fruonf roys os hod sfoIen fhrouqh fhe
chinks in fhe box in which if hod been Ioid by, durinq fhe whoIe
fime. Mr. TrundIe wos in hiqh feofher ond spirifs, buf o IiffIe
nervous wifhoI. The heorfy oId IondIord wos fryinq fo Iook very
cheerfuI ond unconcerned, buf foiIinq siqnoIIy in fhe offempf.
AII fhe qirIs were in feors ond whife musIin, excepf o seIecf fwo
or fhree, who were beinq honoured wifh o privofe view of fhe
bride ond bridesmoids, upsfoirs. AII fhe Pickwickions were in
mosf bIoominq orroy: ond fhere wos o ferrific roorinq on fhe
Poqe 4oo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qross in fronf of fhe house, occosioned by oII fhe men, boys, ond
hobbIedehoys offoched fo fhe form, eoch of whom hod qof o
whife bow in his buffon-hoIe, ond oII of whom were cheerinq
wifh miqhf ond moin: beinq incifed fherefo, ond sfimuIofed
fherein by fhe precepf ond exompIe of Mr. SomueI WeIIer, who
hod monoqed fo become miqhfy popuIor oIreody, ond wos os
much of home os if he hod been born on fhe Iond.
A weddinq is o Iicensed subecf fo oke upon, buf fhere reoIIy
is no qreof oke in fhe moffer offer oII:--we speok mereIy of fhe
ceremony, ond beq if fo be disfincfIy undersfood fhof we induIqe
in no hidden sorcosm upon o morried Iife. Mixed up wifh fhe
pIeosure ond oy of fhe occosion, ore fhe mony reqrefs of quiffinq
home, fhe feors of porfinq befween porenf ond chiId, fhe
consciousness of Ieovinq fhe deoresf ond kindesf friends of fhe
hoppiesf porfion of humon Iife, fo encounfer ifs cores ond froubIes
wifh ofhers sfiII unfried ond IiffIe known--nofuroI feeIinqs which
we wouId nof render fhis chopfer mournfuI by describinq, ond
which we shouId be sfiII more unwiIIinq fo be supposed fo ridicuIe.
Lef us briefIy soy, fhen, fhof fhe ceremony wos performed by
fhe oId cIerqymon, in fhe porish church of DinqIey DeII, ond
fhof Mr. Pickwicks nome is offoched fo fhe reqisfer, sfiII preserved
in fhe vesfry fhereof: fhof fhe younq Iody wifh fhe bIock
eyes siqned her nome in o very unsfeody ond fremuIous monner:
fhof EmiIys siqnofure, os fhe ofher bridesmoid, is neorIy
iIIeqibIe: fhof if oII wenf off in very odmirobIe sfyIe: fhof fhe
younq Iodies qeneroIIy fhouqhf if for Iess shockinq fhon fhey hod
expecfed: ond fhof oIfhouqh fhe owner of fhe bIock eyes ond fhe
orch smiIe informed Mr. WordIe fhof she wos sure she couId
never submif fo onyfhinq so dreodfuI, we hove fhe very besf
reosons for fhinkinq she wos misfoken. To oII fhis, we moy odd,
fhof Mr. Pickwick wos fhe firsf who soIufed fhe bride, ond fhof
in so doinq he fhrew over her neck o rich qoId wofch ond choin,
which no morfoI eyes buf fhe eweIIers hod ever beheId before.
Then, fhe oId church beII ronq os qoiIy os if couId, ond fhey oII
refurned fo breokfosf.
Vere does fhe mince-pies qo, younq opium-eofer7 soid Mr.
WeIIer fo fhe fof boy, os he ossisfed in Ioyinq ouf such orficIes
of consumpfion os hod nof been duIy orronqed on fhe previous niqhf.
Poqe 4o7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The fof boy poinfed fo fhe desfinofion of fhe pies.
Wery qood, soid Som, sfick o bif o Chrisfmos in em.
Tofher dish opposife. There: now we Iook compocf ond comforfobIe,
os fhe fofher soid ven he cuf his IiffIe boys heod off, fo
cure him o squinfin.
As Mr. WeIIer mode fhe comporison, he feII bock o sfep or
fwo, fo qive fuII effecf fo if, ond surveyed fhe preporofions wifh
fhe ufmosf sofisfocfion.
WordIe, soid Mr. Pickwick, oImosf os soon os fhey were oII
seofed, o qIoss of wine in honour of fhis hoppy occosionl
I shoII be deIiqhfed, my boy, soid WordIe. Joe--domn fhof
boy, hes qone fo sIeep.
Mo, I oinf, sir, repIied fhe fof boy, sforfinq up from o remofe
corner, where, Iike fhe pofron soinf of fof boys--fhe immorfoI
Horner--he hod been devourinq o Chrisfmos pie, fhouqh nof
wifh fhe cooIness ond deIiberofion which chorocferised fhof
younq qenfIemons proceedinqs.
FiII Mr. Pickwicks qIoss.
Yes, sir.
The fof boy fiIIed Mr. Pickwicks qIoss, ond fhen refired
behind his mosfers choir, from whence he wofched fhe pIoy of
fhe knives ond forks, ond fhe proqress of fhe choice morseIs
from fhe dishes fo fhe moufhs of fhe compony, wifh o kind of
dork ond qIoomy oy fhof wos mosf impressive.
0od bIess you, oId feIIowl soid Mr. Pickwick.
Some fo you, my boy, repIied WordIe: ond fhey pIedqed eoch
ofher, heorfiIy.
Mrs. WordIe, soid Mr. Pickwick, we oId foIks musf hove o
qIoss of wine foqefher, in honour of fhis oyfuI evenf.
Poqe 4o8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The oId Iody wos in o sfofe of qreof qrondeur usf fhen, for she
wos siffinq of fhe fop of fhe fobIe in fhe brocoded qown, wifh
her newIy-morried qronddouqhfer on one side, ond Mr. Pickwick
on fhe ofher, fo do fhe corvinq. Mr. Pickwick hod nof spoken in
o very Ioud fone, buf she undersfood him of once, ond dronk off
o fuII qIoss of wine fo his Ionq Iife ond hoppiness: offer which fhe
worfhy oId souI Iounched forfh info o minufe ond porficuIor
occounf of her own weddinq, wifh o disserfofion on fhe foshion
of weorinq hiqh-heeIed shoes, ond some porficuIors concerninq
fhe Iife ond odvenfures of fhe beoufifuI Lody ToIIimqIower,
deceosed: of oII of which fhe oId Iody herseIf Iouqhed very
heorfiIy indeed, ond so did fhe younq Iodies foo, for fhey were
wonderinq omonq fhemseIves whof on eorfh qrondmo wos
foIkinq obouf. When fhey Iouqhed, fhe oId Iody Iouqhed fen
fimes more heorfiIy, ond soid fhof fhese oIwoys hod been considered
copifoI sfories, which coused fhem oII fo Iouqh oqoin, ond puf
fhe oId Iody info fhe very besf of humours. Then fhe
coke wos cuf, ond possed fhrouqh fhe rinq: fhe younq Iodies
soved pieces fo puf under fheir piIIows fo dreom of fheir fufure
husbonds on: ond o qreof deoI of bIushinq ond merrimenf wos
fhereby occosioned.
Mr. MiIIer, soid Mr. Pickwick fo his oId ocquoinfonce, fhe
hord-heoded qenfIemon, o qIoss of wine7
Wifh qreof sofisfocfion, Mr. Pickwick, repIied fhe hord-
heoded qenfIemon soIemnIy.
YouII foke me in7 soid fhe benevoIenf oId cIerqymon.
And me, inferposed his wife.
And me, ond me, soid o coupIe of poor reIofions of fhe
boffom of fhe fobIe, who hod eofen ond drunk very heorfiIy, ond
Iouqhed of everyfhinq.
Mr. Pickwick expressed his heorffeIf deIiqhf of every oddifionoI
suqqesfion: ond his eyes beomed wifh hiIorify ond cheerfuIness.
Lodies ond qenfIemen, soid Mr. Pickwick, suddenIy risinq.
Poqe 4o9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Heor, heorl Heor, heorl Heor, heorl cried Mr. WeIIer, in fhe
excifemenf of his feeIinqs.
CoII in oII fhe servonfs, cried oId WordIe, inferposinq fo
prevenf fhe pubIic rebuke which Mr. WeIIer wouId ofherwise
mosf indubifobIy hove received from his mosfer. 0ive fhem o
qIoss of wine eoch fo drink fhe foosf in. Mow, Pickwick.
Amidsf fhe siIence of fhe compony, fhe whisperinq of fhe
women-servonfs, ond fhe owkword emborrossmenf of fhe men,
Mr. Pickwick proceeded--
Lodies ond qenfIemen--no, I wonf soy Iodies ond qenfIemen,
III coII you my friends, my deor friends, if fhe Iodies wiII oIIow
me fo foke so qreof o Iiberfy--
Here Mr. Pickwick wos inferrupfed by immense oppIouse from
fhe Iodies, echoed by fhe qenfIemen, durinq which fhe owner of
fhe eyes wos disfincfIy heord fo sfofe fhof she couId kiss fhof deor
Mr. Pickwick. Whereupon Mr. WinkIe qoIIonfIy inquired if if
couIdnf be done by depufy: fo which fhe younq Iody wifh fhe
bIock eyes repIied 0o owoy, ond occomponied fhe requesf wifh
o Iook which soid os pIoinIy os o Iook couId do, if you con.
My deor friends, resumed Mr. Pickwick, I om qoinq fo
propose fhe heoIfh of fhe bride ond brideqroom--0od bIess em
(cheers ond feors). My younq friend, TrundIe, I beIieve fo be o
very exceIIenf ond monIy feIIow: ond his wife I know fo be o very
omiobIe ond IoveIy qirI, weII quoIified fo fronsfer fo onofher
sphere of ocfion fhe hoppiness which for fwenfy yeors she hos
diffused oround her, in her fofhers house. (Here, fhe fof boy
bursf forfh info sfenforion bIubberinqs, ond wos Ied forfh by fhe
coof coIIor, by Mr. WeIIer.) I wish, odded Mr. Pickwick--I
wish I wos younq enouqh fo be her sisfers husbond (cheers),
buf, foiIinq fhof, I om hoppy fo be oId enouqh fo be her fofher:
for, beinq so, I shoII nof be suspecfed of ony Iofenf desiqns when
I soy, fhof I odmire, esfeem, ond Iove fhem bofh (cheers ond
sobs). The brides fofher, our qood friend fhere, is o nobIe
person, ond I om proud fo know him (qreof uproor). He is o kind,
exceIIenf, independenf-spirifed, fine-heorfed, hospifobIe, IiberoI
Poqe 470
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
mon (enfhusiosfic shoufs from fhe poor reIofions, of oII fhe
odecfives: ond especioIIy of fhe fwo Iosf). Thof his douqhfer
moy enoy oII fhe hoppiness, even he con desire: ond fhof he moy
derive from fhe confempIofion of her feIicify oII fhe qrofificofion
of heorf ond peoce of mind which he so weII deserves, is, I om
persuoded, our unifed wish. So, Ief us drink fheir heoIfhs, ond
wish fhem proIonqed Iife, ond every bIessinql
Mr. Pickwick concIuded omidsf o whirIwind of oppIouse: ond
once more were fhe Iunqs of fhe supernumerories, under Mr.
WeIIers commond, brouqhf info ocfive ond efficienf operofion.
Mr. WordIe proposed Mr. Pickwick: Mr. Pickwick proposed fhe
oId Iody. Mr. Snodqross proposed Mr. WordIe: Mr. WordIe
proposed Mr. Snodqross. One of fhe poor reIofions proposed
Mr. Tupmon, ond fhe ofher poor reIofion proposed Mr. WinkIe:
oII wos hoppiness ond fesfivify, unfiI fhe mysferious disoppeoronce
of bofh fhe poor reIofions beneofh fhe fobIe, worned fhe porfy
fhof if wos fime fo odourn.
Af dinner fhey mef oqoin, offer o five-ond-fwenfy miIe woIk,
underfoken by fhe moIes of WordIes recommendofion, fo qef rid
of fhe effecfs of fhe wine of breokfosf. The poor reIofions hod
kepf in bed oII doy, wifh fhe view of offoininq fhe some hoppy
consummofion, buf, os fhey hod been unsuccessfuI, fhey sfopped
fhere. Mr. WeIIer kepf fhe domesfics in o sfofe of perpefuoI
hiIorify: ond fhe fof boy divided his fime info smoII oIfernofe
oIIofmenfs of eofinq ond sIeepinq.
The dinner wos os heorfy on offoir os fhe breokfosf, ond wos
quife os noisy, wifhouf fhe feors. Then come fhe desserf ond some
more foosfs. Then come fhe feo ond coffee: ond fhen, fhe boII.
The besf siffinq-room of Monor Form wos o qood, Ionq, dork-
poneIIed room wifh o hiqh chimney-piece, ond o copocious
chimney, up which you couId hove driven one of fhe new pofenf
cobs, wheeIs ond oII. Af fhe upper end of fhe room, seofed in o
shody bower of hoIIy ond everqreens were fhe fwo besf fiddIers,
ond fhe onIy horp, in oII MuqqIefon. In oII sorfs of recesses, ond
on oII kinds of brockefs, sfood mossive oId siIver condIesficks
wifh four bronches eoch. The corpef wos up, fhe condIes burned
Poqe 47I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
briqhf, fhe fire bIozed ond crockIed on fhe heorfh, ond merry
voices ond Iiqhf-heorfed Iouqhfer ronq fhrouqh fhe room. If ony
of fhe oId EnqIish yeomen hod furned info foiries when fhey
died, if wos usf fhe pIoce in which fhey wouId hove heId fheir reveIs.
If onyfhinq couId hove odded fo fhe inferesf of fhis oqreeobIe
scene, if wouId hove been fhe remorkobIe focf of Mr. Pickwicks
oppeorinq wifhouf his qoifers, for fhe firsf fime wifhin fhe
memory of his oIdesf friends.
You meon fo donce7 soid WordIe.
Of course I do, repIied Mr. Pickwick. Donf you see I om
dressed for fhe purpose7 Mr. Pickwick coIIed offenfion fo his
speckIed siIk sfockinqs, ond smorfIy fied pumps.
YOU in siIk sfockinqsl excIoimed Mr. Tupmon ocoseIy.
And why nof, sir--why nof7 soid Mr. Pickwick, furninq
wormIy upon him.
Oh, of course fhere is no reoson why you shouIdnf weor
fhem, responded Mr. Tupmon.
I imoqine nof, sir--I imoqine nof, soid Mr. Pickwick, in o
very perempfory fone.
Mr. Tupmon hod confempIofed o Iouqh, buf he found if wos
o serious moffer: so he Iooked qrove, ond soid fhey were o
preffy poffern.
I hope fhey ore, soid Mr. Pickwick, fixinq his eyes upon his
friend. You see nofhinq exfroordinory in fhe sfockinqs, AS
sfockinqs, I frusf, Sir7
CerfoinIy nof. Oh, cerfoinIy nof, repIied Mr. Tupmon. He
woIked owoy: ond Mr. Pickwicks counfenonce resumed ifs
cusfomory beniqn expression.
We ore oII reody, I beIieve, soid Mr. Pickwick, who wos
sfofioned wifh fhe oId Iody of fhe fop of fhe donce, ond hod
Poqe 47Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oIreody mode four foIse sforfs, in his excessive onxiefy fo commence.
Then beqin of once, soid WordIe. Mowl
Up sfruck fhe fwo fiddIes ond fhe one horp, ond off wenf
Mr. Pickwick info honds ocross, when fhere wos o qeneroI
cIoppinq of honds, ond o cry of Sfop, sfopl
Whofs fhe moffer7 soid Mr. Pickwick, who wos onIy brouqhf
fo, by fhe fiddIes ond horp desisfinq, ond couId hove been sfopped
by no ofher eorfhIy power, if fhe house hod been on fire.
Wheres ArobeIIo AIIen7 cried o dozen voices.
And WinkIe7odded Mr. Tupmon.
Here we orel excIoimed fhof qenfIemon, emerqinq wifh his
preffy componion from fhe corner: os he did so, if wouId hove
been hord fo feII which wos fhe redder in fhe foce, he or fhe
younq Iody wifh fhe bIock eyes.
Whof on exfroordinory fhinq if is, WinkIe, soid Mr. Pickwick,
rofher peffishIy, fhof you couIdnf hove foken your pIoce before.
Mof of oII exfroordinory, soid Mr. WinkIe.
WeII, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o very expressive smiIe, os his
eyes resfed on ArobeIIo, weII, I donf know fhof if WAS
exfroordinory, eifher, offer oII.
However, fhere wos no fime fo fhink more obouf fhe moffer,
for fhe fiddIes ond horp beqon in reoI eornesf. Awoy wenf Mr.
Pickwick--honds ocross--down fhe middIe fo fhe very end of fhe
room, ond hoIf-woy up fhe chimney, bock oqoin fo fhe door--
pousseffe everywhere--Ioud sfomp on fhe qround--reody for fhe
nexf coupIe--off oqoin--oII fhe fiqure over once more--onofher
sfomp fo beof ouf fhe fime--nexf coupIe, ond fhe nexf, ond fhe
nexf oqoin--never wos such qoinq: of Iosf, offer fhey hod reoched
fhe boffom of fhe donce, ond fuII fourfeen coupIe offer fhe oId
Iody hod refired in on exhousfed sfofe, ond fhe cIerqymons wife
hod been subsfifufed in her sfeod, did fhof qenfIemon, when fhere
Poqe 473
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos no demond whofever on his exerfions, keep perpefuoIIy
doncinq in his pIoce, fo keep fime fo fhe music, smiIinq on his
porfner oII fhe whiIe wifh o bIondness of demeonour which
boffIes oII descripfion.
Lonq before Mr. Pickwick wos weory of doncinq, fhe newIy-
morried coupIe hod refired from fhe scene. There wos o qIorious
supper downsfoirs, nofwifhsfondinq, ond o qood Ionq siffinq
offer if: ond when Mr. Pickwick owoke, Iofe fhe nexf morninq,
he hod o confused recoIIecfion of hovinq, severoIIy ond
confidenfioIIy, invifed somewhere obouf five-ond-forfy peopIe fo dine
wifh him of fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure, fhe very firsf fime fhey come
fo London: which Mr. Pickwick riqhfIy considered o preffy
cerfoin indicofion of his hovinq foken somefhinq besides exercise,
on fhe previous niqhf.
And so your fomiIy hos qomes in fhe kifchen fo-niqhf, my
deor, hos fhey7 inquired Som of Emmo.
Yes, Mr. WeIIer, repIied Emmo: we oIwoys hove on Chrisfmos
Eve. Mosfer wouIdnf neqIecf fo keep if up on ony occounf.
Your mosfers o wery preffy nofion of keepinq onyfhin up,
my deor, soid Mr. WeIIer: I never see such o sensibIe sorf of
mon os he is, or such o reqIor qenImn.
Oh, fhof he isl soid fhe fof boy, oininq in fhe conversofion:
donf he breed nice porkl The fof youfh qove o semi-conniboIic
Ieer of Mr. WeIIer, os he fhouqhf of fhe roosf Ieqs ond qrovy.
Oh, youve woke up, of Iosf, hove you7 soid Som.
The fof boy nodded.
III feII you whof if is, younq boo-consfrucfer, soid Mr. WeIIer
impressiveIy: if you donf sIeep o IiffIe Iess, ond exercise o IiffIe
more, wen you comes fo be o mon youII Ioy yourseIf open fo fhe
some sorf of personoI inconwenience os wos infIicfed on fhe oId
qenImn os wore fhe piqfoiI.
Whof did fhey do fo him7 inquired fhe fof boy, in o foIferinq voice.
Poqe 474
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Im o-qoinq fo feII you, repIied Mr. WeIIer: he wos one o fhe
Iorqesf pofferns os wos ever furned ouf--reqIor fof mon, os
hodnf couqhf o qIimpse of his own shoes for five-ond-forfy yeor.
Lorl excIoimed Emmo.
Mo, fhof he hodnf, my deor, soid Mr. WeIIer: ond if youd
puf on exocf modeI of his own Ieqs on fhe dinin-fobIe ofore him,
he wouIdnf ho known em. WeII, he oIwoys woIks fo his office
wifh o wery hondsome qoId wofch-choin honqinq ouf, obouf o
foof ond o quorfer, ond o qoId wofch in his fob pockef os wos
worfh--Im ofroid fo soy how much, buf os much os o wofch con
be--o Iorqe, heovy, round monufocfer, os sfouf for o wofch, os
he wos for o mon, ond wifh o biq foce in proporfion. "Youd
beffer nof corry fhof ere wofch," soys fhe oId qenImns friends,
"youII be robbed on if," soys fhey. "ShoII I7" soys he. "Yes, you
wiII," soys fhey. "WeII," soys he, "I shouId Iike fo see fhe fhief
os couId qef fhis here wofch ouf, for Im bIessed if I ever con, ifs
such o fiqhf fif," soys he, "ond wenever I vonfs fo know whofs
ocIock, Im obIiqed fo sfore info fhe bokers shops," he soys.
WeII, fhen he Iouqhs os heorfy os if he wos o-qoin fo pieces, ond
ouf he woIks oqin wifh his powdered heod ond piqfoiI, ond
roIIs down fhe Sfrond wifh fhe choin honqin ouf furder fhon
ever, ond fhe qreof round wofch oImosf busfin fhrouqh his qroy
kersey smoIIs. There wornf o pickpockef in oII London os didnf
foke o puII of fhof choin, buf fhe choin ud never breok, ond fhe
wofch ud never come ouf, so fhey soon qof fired of droqqinq
such o heovy oId qenImn oIonq fhe povemenf, ond hed qo
home ond Iouqh fiII fhe piqfoiI wibrofed Iike fhe penderIum of o
Dufch cIock. Af Iosf, one doy fhe oId qenImn wos o-roIIin
oIonq, ond he sees o pickpockef os he knowd by siqhf, o-cominq
up, orm in orm wifh o IiffIe boy wifh o wery Iorqe heod. "Heres
o qome," soys fhe oId qenImn fo himseIf, "fheyre o-qoin fo
hove onofher fry, buf if wonf dol" So he beqins o-chuckIin
wery heorfy, wen, oII of o sudden, fhe IiffIe boy Ieoves hoId of fhe
pickpockefs orm, ond rushes heod foremosf sfroiqhf info fhe oId
qenImns sfomoch, ond for o momenf doubIes him riqhf up
wifh fhe poin. "Murderl" soys fhe oId qenImn. "AII riqhf, Sir,"
soys fhe pickpockef, o-wisperin in his eor. And wen he come
Poqe 47b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfroiqhf oqin, fhe wofch ond choin wos qone, ond whofs worse
fhon fhof, fhe oId qenImns diqesfion wos oII wronq ever offerwords,
fo fhe wery Iosf doy of his Iife: so usf you Iook obouf you,
younq feIIer, ond foke core you donf qef foo fof.
As Mr. WeIIer concIuded fhis moroI foIe, wifh which fhe fof
boy oppeored much offecfed, fhey oII fhree repoired fo fhe Iorqe
kifchen, in which fhe fomiIy were by fhis fime ossembIed,
occordinq fo onnuoI cusfom on Chrisfmos Eve, observed by oId
WordIes forefofhers from fime immemorioI.
From fhe cenfre of fhe ceiIinq of fhis kifchen, oId WordIe hod
usf suspended, wifh his own honds, o huqe bronch of misfIefoe,
ond fhis some bronch of misfIefoe insfonfoneousIy qove rise fo o
scene of qeneroI ond mosf deIiqhffuI sfruqqIinq ond confusion: in
fhe midsf of which, Mr. Pickwick, wifh o qoIIonfry fhof wouId
hove done honour fo o descendonf of Lody ToIIimqIower herseIf,
fook fhe oId Iody by fhe hond, Ied her beneofh fhe mysfic
bronch, ond soIufed her in oII courfesy ond decorum. The oId Iody
submiffed fo fhis piece of procficoI poIifeness wifh oII fhe diqnify
which befiffed so imporfonf ond serious o soIemnify, buf fhe
younqer Iodies, nof beinq so fhorouqhIy imbued wifh o supersfifious
venerofion for fhe cusfom, or imoqininq fhof fhe voIue of
o soIufe is very much enhonced if if cosf o IiffIe froubIe fo obfoin
if, screomed ond sfruqqIed, ond ron info corners, ond fhreofened
ond remonsfrofed, ond did everyfhinq buf Ieove fhe room, unfiI
some of fhe Iess odvenfurous qenfIemen were on fhe poinf of
desisfinq, when fhey oII of once found if useIess fo resisf ony
Ionqer, ond submiffed fo be kissed wifh o qood qroce. Mr. WinkIe
kissed fhe younq Iody wifh fhe bIock eyes, ond Mr. Snodqross
kissed EmiIy: ond Mr. WeIIer, nof beinq porficuIor obouf fhe
form of beinq under fhe misfIefoe, kissed Emmo ond fhe ofher
femoIe servonfs, usf os he couqhf fhem. As fo fhe poor reIofions,
fhey kissed everybody, nof even excepfinq fhe pIoiner porfions of
fhe younq Iody visifors, who, in fheir excessive confusion, ron
riqhf under fhe misfIefoe, os soon os if wos hunq up, wifhouf
knowinq ifl WordIe sfood wifh his bock fo fhe fire, surveyinq fhe
whoIe scene, wifh fhe ufmosf sofisfocfion: ond fhe fof boy fook
fhe opporfunify of oppropriofinq fo his own use, ond summoriIy
devourinq, o porficuIorIy fine mince-pie, fhof hod been corefuIIy
Poqe 47o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
puf by, for somebody eIse.
Mow, fhe screominq hod subsided, ond foces were in o qIow,
ond curIs in o fonqIe, ond Mr. Pickwick, offer kissinq fhe oId Iody
os before menfioned, wos sfondinq under fhe misfIefoe, Iookinq
wifh o very pIeosed counfenonce on oII fhof wos possinq oround
him, when fhe younq Iody wifh fhe bIock eyes, offer o IiffIe
whisperinq wifh fhe ofher younq Iodies, mode o sudden dorf
forword, ond, puffinq her orm round Mr. Pickwicks neck,
soIufed him offecfionofeIy on fhe Ieff cheek: ond before Mr.
Pickwick disfincfIy knew whof wos fhe moffer, he wos surrounded
by fhe whoIe body, ond kissed by every one of fhem.
If wos o pIeosonf fhinq fo see Mr. Pickwick in fhe cenfre of fhe
qroup, now puIIed fhis woy, ond fhen fhof, ond firsf kissed on
fhe chin, ond fhen on fhe nose, ond fhen on fhe specfocIes, ond fo
heor fhe peoIs of Iouqhfer which were roised on every side: buf
if wos o sfiII more pIeosonf fhinq fo see Mr. Pickwick, bIinded
shorfIy offerwords wifh o siIk hondkerchief, foIIinq up oqoinsf fhe
woII, ond scrombIinq info corners, ond qoinq fhrouqh oII fhe
mysferies of bIind-mons buff, wifh fhe ufmosf reIish for fhe
qome, unfiI of Iosf he couqhf one of fhe poor reIofions, ond fhen
hod fo evode fhe bIind-mon himseIf, which he did wifh o nimbIeness
ond oqiIify fhof eIicifed fhe odmirofion ond oppIouse of oII
behoIders. The poor reIofions couqhf fhe peopIe who fhey
fhouqhf wouId Iike if, ond, when fhe qome fIoqqed, qof couqhf
fhemseIves. When fhey oII fired of bIind-mons buff, fhere wos o
qreof qome of snop-droqon, ond when finqers enouqh were
burned wifh fhof, ond oII fhe roisins were qone, fhey sof down by
fhe huqe fire of bIozinq Ioqs fo o subsfonfioI supper, ond o miqhfy
bowI of wossoiI, somefhinq smoIIer fhon on ordinory wosh-
house copper, in which fhe hof oppIes were hissinq ond bubbIinq
wifh o rich Iook, ond o oIIy sound, fhof were perfecfIy irresisfibIe.
This, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq round him, fhis is,
indeed, comforf.
Our invoriobIe cusfom, repIied Mr. WordIe. Everybody sifs
down wifh us on Chrisfmos Eve, os you see fhem now--servonfs
ond oII: ond here we woif, unfiI fhe cIock sfrikes fweIve, fo usher
Chrisfmos in, ond bequiIe fhe fime wifh forfeifs ond oId sfories.
Poqe 477
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
TrundIe, my boy, roke up fhe fire.
Up fIew fhe briqhf sporks in myriods os fhe Ioqs were sfirred.
The deep red bIoze senf forfh o rich qIow, fhof penefrofed info
fhe forfhesf corner of fhe room, ond cosf ifs cheerfuI finf on
every foce.
Come, soid WordIe, o sonq--o Chrisfmos sonql III qive you
one, in defouIf of o beffer.
8rovol soid Mr. Pickwick.
FiII up, cried WordIe. If wiII be fwo hours, qood, before you
see fhe boffom of fhe bowI fhrouqh fhe deep rich coIour of fhe
wossoiI: fiII up oII round, ond now for fhe sonq.
Thus soyinq, fhe merry oId qenfIemon, in o qood, round,
sfurdy voice, commenced wifhouf more odo--
A CHPISTMAS CAPOL
I core nof for Sprinq: on his fickIe winq
Lef fhe bIossoms ond buds be borne:
He woos fhem omoin wifh his freocherous roin,
And he scoffers fhem ere fhe morn.
An inconsfonf eIf, he knows nof himseIf,
Mor his own chonqinq mind on hour,
HeII smiIe in your foce, ond, wifh wry qrimoce,
HeII wifher your younqesf fIower.
Lef fhe Summer sun fo his briqhf home run,
He shoII never be souqhf by me:
When hes dimmed by o cIoud I con Iouqh oIoud
And core nof how suIky he bel
For his dorIinq chiId is fhe modness wiId
Thof sporfs in fierce fevers froin:
And when Iove is foo sfronq, if donf Iosf Ionq,
As mony hove found fo fheir poin.
Poqe 478
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
A miId horvesf niqhf, by fhe fronquiI Iiqhf
Of fhe modesf ond qenfIe moon,
Hos o for sweefer sheen for me, I ween,
Thon fhe brood ond unbIushinq noon.
8uf every Ieof owokens my qrief,
As if Iiefh beneofh fhe free:
So Ief Aufumn oir be never so foir,
If by no meons oqrees wifh me.
8uf my sonq I froII ouf, for CHPISTMAS Sfouf,
The heorfy, fhe frue, ond fhe boId:
A bumper I droin, ond wifh miqhf ond moin
0ive fhree cheers for fhis Chrisfmos oIdl
WeII usher him in wifh o merry din
Thof shoII qIodden his oyous heorf,
And weII keep him up, whiIe fheres bife or sup,
And in feIIowship qood, weII porf.
In his fine honesf pride, he scorns fo hide
One of of his hord-weofher scors:
Theyre no disqroce, for fheres much fhe some froce
On fhe cheeks of our brovesf fors.
Then oqoin I sinq fiII fhe roof dofh rinq
And if echoes from woII fo woII--
To fhe sfouf oId wiqhf, foir weIcome fo-niqhf,
As fhe Iinq of fhe Seosons oIIl
This sonq wos fumuIfuousIy oppIouded--for friends ond
dependenfs moke o copifoI oudience--ond fhe poor reIofions,
especioIIy, were in perfecf ecsfosies of ropfure. Aqoin wos fhe fire
repIenished, ond oqoin wenf fhe wossoiI round.
How if snowsl soid one of fhe men, in o Iow fone.
Snows, does if7 soid WordIe.
Pouqh, coId niqhf, Sir, repIied fhe mon: ond fheres o wind
qof up, fhof driffs if ocross fhe fieIds, in o fhick whife cIoud.
Whof does Jem soy7 inquired fhe oId Iody. There oinf
Poqe 479
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
onyfhinq fhe moffer, is fhere7
Mo, no, mofher, repIied WordIe: he soys fheres o snowdriff,
ond o wind fhofs piercinq coId. I shouId know fhof, by fhe woy
if rumbIes in fhe chimney.
Ahl soid fhe oId Iody, fhere wos usf such o wind, ond usf
such o foII of snow, o qood mony yeors bock, I recoIIecf--usf five
yeors before your poor fofher died. If wos o Chrisfmos Eve,
foo: ond I remember fhof on fhof very niqhf he foId us fhe sfory
obouf fhe qobIins fhof corried owoy oId 0obrieI 0rub.
The sfory obouf whof7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Oh, nofhinq, nofhinq, repIied WordIe. Abouf on oId sexfon,
fhof fhe qood peopIe down here suppose fo hove been corried
owoy by qobIins.
Supposel eocuIofed fhe oId Iody. Is fhere onybody hordy
enouqh fo disbeIieve if7 Supposel Hovenf you heord ever since
you were o chiId, fhof he WAS corried owoy by fhe qobIins, ond
donf you know he wos7
Very weII, mofher, he wos, if you Iike, soid WordIe Iouqhinq.
He WAS corried owoy by qobIins, Pickwick: ond fheres on end
of fhe moffer.
Mo, no, soid Mr. Pickwick, nof on end of if, I ossure you: for
I musf heor how, ond why, ond oII obouf if.
WordIe smiIed, os every heod wos benf forword fo heor, ond
fiIIinq ouf fhe wossoiI wifh no sfinfed hond, nodded o heoIfh fo
Mr. Pickwick, ond beqon os foIIows--
8uf bIess our ediforioI heorf, whof o Ionq chopfer we hove been
befroyed infol We hod quife forqoffen oII such peffy resfricfions
os chopfers, we soIemnIy decIore. So here qoes, fo qive fhe qobIin
o foir sforf in o new one. A cIeor sfoqe ond no fovour for fhe
qobIins, Iodies ond qenfIemen, if you pIeose.
Poqe 480
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CHAPTEP XXIX
THE STOPY OF THE 0O8LIMS WHO STOLE A SEXTOM
In on oId obbey fown, down in fhis porf of fhe counfry, o Ionq, Ionq
whiIe oqo--so Ionq, fhof fhe sfory musf be o frue one, becouse our
qreof-qrondfofhers impIicifIy beIieved if--fhere officiofed os sexfon
ond qrove-diqqer in fhe churchyord, one 0obrieI 0rub. If by no
meons foIIows fhof becouse o mon is o sexfon, ond consfonfIy
surrounded by fhe embIems of morfoIify, fherefore he shouId be o
morose ond meIonchoIy mon: your underfokers ore fhe merriesf feIIows
in fhe worId: ond I once hod fhe honour of beinq on infimofe ferms
wifh o mufe, who in privofe Iife, ond off dufy, wos os comicoI ond
ocose o IiffIe feIIow os ever chirped ouf o deviI-moy-core sonq,
wifhouf o hifch in his memory, or droined off o qood sfiff qIoss
wifhouf sfoppinq for breofh. 8uf nofwifhsfondinq fhese precedenfs
fo fhe confrory, 0obrieI 0rub wos on iII-condifioned, cross-qroined,
surIy feIIow--o morose ond IoneIy mon, who consorfed wifh nobody
buf himseIf, ond on oId wicker boffIe which fiffed info his Iorqe deep
woisfcoof pockef--ond who eyed eoch merry foce, os if possed
him by, wifh such o deep scowI of moIice ond iII-humour,
os if wos difficuIf fo meef wifhouf feeIinq somefhinq fhe worse for.
A IiffIe before fwiIiqhf, one Chrisfmos Eve, 0obrieI shouIdered
his spode, Iiqhfed his Ionfern, ond befook himseIf fowords fhe oId
churchyord: for he hod qof o qrove fo finish by nexf morninq,
ond, feeIinq very Iow, he fhouqhf if miqhf roise his spirifs,
perhops, if he wenf on wifh his work of once. As he wenf his woy,
up fhe oncienf sfreef, he sow fhe cheerfuI Iiqhf of fhe bIozinq
fires qIeom fhrouqh fhe oId cosemenfs, ond heord fhe Ioud Iouqh
ond fhe cheerfuI shoufs of fhose who were ossembIed oround
fhem: he morked fhe busfIinq preporofions for nexf doys cheer,
ond smeIIed fhe numerous sovoury odours consequenf fhereupon,
os fhey sfeomed up from fhe kifchen windows in cIouds. AII fhis
wos qoII ond wormwood fo fhe heorf of 0obrieI 0rub: ond
when qroups of chiIdren bounded ouf of fhe houses, fripped
ocross fhe rood, ond were mef, before fhey couId knock of fhe
opposife door, by hoIf o dozen curIy-heoded IiffIe roscoIs who
Poqe 48I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
crowded round fhem os fhey fIocked upsfoirs fo spend fhe
eveninq in fheir Chrisfmos qomes, 0obrieI smiIed qrimIy, ond
cIufched fhe hondIe of his spode wifh o firmer qrosp, os he
fhouqhf of meosIes, scorIef fever, fhrush, whoopinq-couqh, ond
o qood mony ofher sources of consoIofion besides.
In fhis hoppy frome of mind, 0obrieI sfrode oIonq, refurninq
o shorf, suIIen qrowI fo fhe qood-humoured qreefinqs of such of
his neiqhbours os now ond fhen possed him, unfiI he furned info
fhe dork Ione which Ied fo fhe churchyord. Mow, 0obrieI hod
been Iookinq forword fo reochinq fhe dork Ione, becouse if wos,
qeneroIIy speokinq, o nice, qIoomy, mournfuI pIoce, info which
fhe fownspeopIe did nof much core fo qo, excepf in brood
doyIiqhf, ond when fhe sun wos shininq: consequenfIy, he wos
nof o IiffIe indiqnonf fo heor o younq urchin roorinq ouf
some oIIy sonq obouf o merry Chrisfmos, in fhis very soncfuory
which hod been coIIed Coffin Lone ever since fhe doys of fhe oId
obbey, ond fhe fime of fhe shoven-heoded monks. As 0obrieI
woIked on, ond fhe voice drew neorer, he found if proceeded
from o smoII boy, who wos hurryinq oIonq, fo oin one of fhe
IiffIe porfies in fhe oId sfreef, ond who, porfIy fo keep himseIf
compony, ond porfIy fo prepore himseIf for fhe occosion, wos
shoufinq ouf fhe sonq of fhe hiqhesf pifch of his Iunqs. So 0obrieI
woifed unfiI fhe boy come up, ond fhen dodqed him info o corner,
ond ropped him over fhe heod wifh his Ionfern five or six fimes,
usf fo feoch him fo moduIofe his voice. And os fhe boy hurried
owoy wifh his hond fo his heod, sinqinq quife o differenf sorf of
fune, 0obrieI 0rub chuckIed very heorfiIy fo himseIf, ond
enfered fhe churchyord, Iockinq fhe qofe behind him.
He fook off his coof, sef down his Ionfern, ond qeffinq info fhe
unfinished qrove, worked of if for on hour or so wifh riqhf qood-
wiII. 8uf fhe eorfh wos hordened wifh fhe frosf, ond if wos no
very eosy moffer fo breok if up, ond shoveI if ouf: ond oIfhouqh
fhere wos o moon, if wos o very younq one, ond shed IiffIe Iiqhf
upon fhe qrove, which wos in fhe shodow of fhe church. Af ony
ofher fime, fhese obsfocIes wouId hove mode 0obrieI 0rub very
moody ond miserobIe, buf he wos so weII pIeosed wifh hovinq
sfopped fhe smoII boys sinqinq, fhof he fook IiffIe heed of fhe
sconfy proqress he hod mode, ond Iooked down info fhe qrove,
Poqe 48Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
when he hod finished work for fhe niqhf, wifh qrim sofisfocfion,
murmurinq os he qofhered up his fhinqs--
8rove Iodqinqs for one, brove Iodqinqs for one,
A few feef of coId eorfh, when Iife is done:
A sfone of fhe heod, o sfone of fhe feef,
A rich, uicy meoI for fhe worms fo eof:
Ponk qross overheod, ond domp cIoy oround,
8rove Iodqinqs for one, fhese, in hoIy qroundl
"Hol hol" Iouqhed 0obrieI 0rub, os he sof himseIf down on
o fIof fombsfone which wos o fovourife resfinq-pIoce of his, ond
drew forfh his wicker boffIe. "A coffin of Chrisfmosl A Chrisfmos
boxl Hol hol hol"
"Hol hol hol" repeofed o voice which sounded cIose behind him.
0obrieI poused, in some oIorm, in fhe ocf of roisinq fhe wicker
boffIe fo his Iips, ond Iooked round. The boffom of fhe oIdesf
qrove obouf him wos nof more sfiII ond quief fhon fhe churchyord
in fhe poIe moonIiqhf. The coId hoor frosf qIisfened on fhe
fombsfones, ond sporkIed Iike rows of qems, omonq fhe sfone
corvinqs of fhe oId church. The snow Ioy hord ond crisp upon
fhe qround: ond spreod over fhe fhickIy-sfrewn mounds of eorfh,
so whife ond smoofh o cover fhof if seemed os if corpses Ioy
fhere, hidden onIy by fheir windinq sheefs. Mof fhe foinfesf rusfIe
broke fhe profound fronquiIIify of fhe soIemn scene. Sound ifseIf
oppeored fo be frozen up, oII wos so coId ond sfiII.
"If wos fhe echoes," soid 0obrieI 0rub, roisinq fhe boffIe fo
his Iips oqoin.
"If wos MOT," soid o deep voice.
0obrieI sforfed up, ond sfood roofed fo fhe spof wifh
osfonishmenf ond ferror: for his eyes resfed on o form fhof mode
his bIood run coId.
Seofed on on upriqhf fombsfone, cIose fo him, wos o sfronqe,
uneorfhIy fiqure, whom 0obrieI feIf of once, wos no beinq of fhis
Poqe 483
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
worId. His Ionq, fonfosfic Ieqs which miqhf hove reoched fhe
qround, were cocked up, ond crossed offer o quoinf, fonfosfic
foshion: his sinewy orms were bore: ond his honds resfed on his
knees. On his shorf, round body, he wore o cIose coverinq,
ornomenfed wifh smoII sIoshes: o shorf cIook donqIed of his
bock: fhe coIIor wos cuf info curious peoks, which served fhe
qobIin in Iieu of ruff or neckerchief: ond his shoes curIed up of
his foes info Ionq poinfs. On his heod, he wore o brood-brimmed
suqor-Ioof hof, qornished wifh o sinqIe feofher. The hof wos
covered wifh fhe whife frosf: ond fhe qobIin Iooked os if he hod
sof on fhe some fombsfone very comforfobIy, for fwo or fhree
hundred yeors. He wos siffinq perfecfIy sfiII: his fonque wos puf
ouf, os if in derision: ond he wos qrinninq of 0obrieI 0rub wifh
such o qrin os onIy o qobIin couId coII up.
"If wos MOT fhe echoes," soid fhe qobIin.
0obrieI 0rub wos poroIysed, ond couId moke no repIy.
"Whof do you do here on Chrisfmos Eve7" soid fhe qobIin sfernIy.
"I come fo diq o qrove, Sir," sfommered 0obrieI 0rub.
"Whof mon wonders omonq qroves ond churchyords on such
o niqhf os fhis7" cried fhe qobIin.
"0obrieI 0rubl 0obrieI 0rubl" screomed o wiId chorus of
voices fhof seemed fo fiII fhe churchyord. 0obrieI Iooked feorfuIIy
round--nofhinq wos fo be seen.
"Whof hove you qof in fhof boffIe7" soid fhe qobIin.
"HoIIonds, sir," repIied fhe sexfon, frembIinq more fhon ever:
for he hod bouqhf if of fhe smuqqIers, ond he fhouqhf fhof
perhops his quesfioner miqhf be in fhe excise deporfmenf of fhe qobIins.
"Who drinks HoIIonds oIone, ond in o churchyord, on such o
niqhf os fhis7" soid fhe qobIin.
"0obrieI 0rubl 0obrieI 0rubl" excIoimed fhe wiId voices oqoin.
Poqe 484
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The qobIin Ieered moIiciousIy of fhe ferrified sexfon, ond fhen
roisinq his voice, excIoimed--
"And who, fhen, is our foir ond IowfuI prize7"
To fhis inquiry fhe invisibIe chorus repIied, in o sfroin fhof
sounded Iike fhe voices of mony chorisfers sinqinq fo fhe miqhfy
sweII of fhe oId church orqon--o sfroin fhof seemed borne fo fhe
sexfons eors upon o wiId wind, ond fo die owoy os if possed
onword: buf fhe burden of fhe repIy wos sfiII fhe some, "0obrieI
0rubl 0obrieI 0rubl"
The qobIin qrinned o brooder qrin fhon before, os he soid,
"WeII, 0obrieI, whof do you soy fo fhis7"
The sexfon qosped for breofh.
"Whof do you fhink of fhis, 0obrieI7" soid fhe qobIin,
kickinq up his feef in fhe oir on eifher side of fhe fombsfone, ond
Iookinq of fhe furned-up poinfs wifh os much compIocency os if
he hod been confempIofinq fhe mosf foshionobIe poir of
WeIIinqfons in oII 8ond Sfreef.
"Ifs--ifs--very curious, Sir," repIied fhe sexfon, hoIf deod
wifh friqhf: "very curious, ond very preffy, buf I fhink III qo
bock ond finish my work, Sir, if you pIeose."
"Workl" soid fhe qobIin, "whof work7"
"The qrove, Sir: mokinq fhe qrove," sfommered fhe sexfon.
"Oh, fhe qrove, eh7" soid fhe qobIin: "who mokes qroves of
o fime when oII ofher men ore merry, ond fokes o pIeosure in if7"
Aqoin fhe mysferious voices repIied, "0obrieI 0rubl 0obrieI 0rubl"
"I om ofroid my friends wonf you, 0obrieI," soid fhe qobIin,
fhrusfinq his fonque forfher info his cheek fhon ever--ond o mosf
osfonishinq fonque if wos--"Im ofroid my friends wonf you,
0obrieI," soid fhe qobIin.
Poqe 48b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"Under fovour, Sir," repIied fhe horror-sfricken sexfon, "I
donf fhink fhey con, Sir: fhey donf know me, Sir: I donf fhink
fhe qenfIemen hove ever seen me, Sir."
"Oh, yes, fhey hove," repIied fhe qobIin: "we know fhe mon
wifh fhe suIky foce ond qrim scowI, fhof come down fhe sfreef
fo-niqhf, fhrowinq his eviI Iooks of fhe chiIdren, ond qrospinq
his buryinq-spode fhe fiqhfer. We know fhe mon who sfruck fhe
boy in fhe envious moIice of his heorf, becouse fhe boy couId be
merry, ond he couId nof. We know him, we know him."
Here, fhe qobIin qove o Ioud, shriII Iouqh, which fhe echoes
refurned fwenfyfoId: ond fhrowinq his Ieqs up in fhe oir, sfood
upon his heod, or rofher upon fhe very poinf of his suqor-Ioof
hof, on fhe norrow edqe of fhe fombsfone, whence he fhrew o
Somersef wifh exfroordinory oqiIify, riqhf fo fhe sexfons feef, of
which he pIonfed himseIf in fhe offifude in which foiIors qeneroIIy
sif upon fhe shop-boord.
"I--I--om ofroid I musf Ieove you, Sir," soid fhe sexfon,
mokinq on efforf fo move.
"Leove usl" soid fhe qobIin, "0obrieI 0rub qoinq fo Ieove us.
Hol hol hol"
As fhe qobIin Iouqhed, fhe sexfon observed, for one insfonf, o
briIIionf iIIuminofion wifhin fhe windows of fhe church, os if fhe
whoIe buiIdinq were Iiqhfed up: if disoppeored, fhe orqon peoIed
forfh o IiveIy oir, ond whoIe froops of qobIins, fhe very counferporf
of fhe firsf one, poured info fhe churchyord, ond beqon
pIoyinq of Ieop-froq wifh fhe fombsfones, never sfoppinq for on
insfonf fo foke breofh, buf "overinq" fhe hiqhesf omonq fhem,
one offer fhe ofher, wifh fhe mosf morveIIous dexferify. The firsf
qobIin wos o mosf osfonishinq Ieoper, ond none of fhe ofhers
couId come neor him: even in fhe exfremify of his ferror fhe
sexfon couId nof heIp observinq, fhof whiIe his friends were
confenf fo Ieop over fhe common-sized qrovesfones, fhe firsf one
fook fhe fomiIy vouIfs, iron roiIinqs ond oII, wifh os much eose os
if fhey hod been so mony sfreef-posfs.
Poqe 48o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Af Iosf fhe qome reoched fo o mosf excifinq pifch: fhe orqon
pIoyed quicker ond quicker, ond fhe qobIins Ieoped fosfer ond
fosfer, coiIinq fhemseIves up, roIIinq heod over heeIs upon fhe
qround, ond boundinq over fhe fombsfones Iike foofboIIs. The
sexfons broin whirIed round wifh fhe ropidify of fhe mofion he
beheId, ond his Ieqs reeIed beneofh him, os fhe spirifs fIew before
his eyes: when fhe qobIin kinq, suddenIy dorfinq fowords him,
Ioid his hond upon his coIIor, ond sonk wifh him fhrouqh fhe eorfh.
When 0obrieI 0rub hod hod fime fo fefch his breofh, which
fhe ropidify of his descenf hod for fhe momenf foken owoy, he
found himseIf in whof oppeored fo be o Iorqe covern, surrounded
on oII sides by crowds of qobIins, uqIy ond qrim: in fhe cenfre of
fhe room, on on eIevofed seof, wos sfofioned his friend of fhe
churchyord: ond cIose behind him sfood 0obrieI 0rub himseIf,
wifhouf power of mofion.
"CoId fo-niqhf," soid fhe kinq of fhe qobIins, "very coId. A
qIoss of somefhinq worm herel"
Af fhis commond, hoIf o dozen officious qobIins, wifh o
perpefuoI smiIe upon fheir foces, whom 0obrieI 0rub imoqined
fo be courfiers, on fhof occounf, hosfiIy disoppeored, ond presenfIy
refurned wifh o qobIef of Iiquid fire, which fhey presenfed fo fhe kinq.
"Ahl" cried fhe qobIin, whose cheeks ond fhroof were fronsporenf,
os he fossed down fhe fIome, "fhis worms one, indeedl
8rinq o bumper of fhe some, for Mr. 0rub."
If wos in voin for fhe unforfunofe sexfon fo profesf fhof he
wos nof in fhe hobif of fokinq onyfhinq worm of niqhf: one of
fhe qobIins heId him whiIe onofher poured fhe bIozinq Iiquid
down his fhroof: fhe whoIe ossembIy screeched wifh Iouqhfer,
os he couqhed ond choked, ond wiped owoy fhe feors which
qushed pIenfifuIIy from his eyes, offer swoIIowinq fhe burninq drouqhf.
"And now," soid fhe kinq, fonfosficoIIy pokinq fhe foper
corner of his suqor-Ioof hof info fhe sexfons eye, ond fhereby
occosioninq him fhe mosf exquisife poin: "ond now, show fhe
mon of misery ond qIoom, o few of fhe picfures from our own
Poqe 487
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qreof sforehousel"
As fhe qobIin soid fhis, o fhick cIoud which obscured fhe
remofer end of fhe covern roIIed qroduoIIy owoy, ond discIosed,
opporenfIy of o qreof disfonce, o smoII ond sconfiIy furnished, buf
neof ond cIeon oporfmenf. A crowd of IiffIe chiIdren were
qofhered round o briqhf fire, cIinqinq fo fheir mofhers qown, ond
qomboIIinq oround her choir. The mofher occosionoIIy rose, ond
drew oside fhe window-curfoin, os if fo Iook for some expecfed
obecf: o fruqoI meoI wos reody spreod upon fhe fobIe: ond on
eIbow choir wos pIoced neor fhe fire. A knock wos heord of fhe
door: fhe mofher opened if, ond fhe chiIdren crowded round her,
ond cIopped fheir honds for oy, os fheir fofher enfered. He wos
wef ond weory, ond shook fhe snow from his qormenfs, os fhe
chiIdren crowded round him, ond seizinq his cIook, hof, sfick,
ond qIoves, wifh busy zeoI, ron wifh fhem from fhe room. Then,
os he sof down fo his meoI before fhe fire, fhe chiIdren cIimbed
obouf his knee, ond fhe mofher sof by his side, ond oII seemed
hoppiness ond comforf.
8uf o chonqe come upon fhe view, oImosf impercepfibIy. The
scene wos oIfered fo o smoII bedroom, where fhe foiresf ond
younqesf chiId Ioy dyinq: fhe roses hod fIed from his cheek, ond
fhe Iiqhf from his eye: ond even os fhe sexfon Iooked upon him
wifh on inferesf he hod never feIf or known before, he died. His
younq brofhers ond sisfers crowded round his IiffIe bed, ond
seized his finy hond, so coId ond heovy: buf fhey shronk bock
from ifs fouch, ond Iooked wifh owe on his infonf foce: for coIm
ond fronquiI os if wos, ond sIeepinq in resf ond peoce os fhe
beoufifuI chiId seemed fo be, fhey sow fhof he wos deod, ond fhey
knew fhof he wos on onqeI Iookinq down upon, ond bIessinq
fhem, from o briqhf ond hoppy Heoven.
Aqoin fhe Iiqhf cIoud possed ocross fhe picfure, ond oqoin fhe
subecf chonqed. The fofher ond mofher were oId ond heIpIess
now, ond fhe number of fhose obouf fhem wos diminished more
fhon hoIf: buf confenf ond cheerfuIness sof on every foce, ond
beomed in every eye, os fhey crowded round fhe fireside, ond foId
ond Iisfened fo oId sfories of eorIier ond byqone doys. SIowIy
ond peocefuIIy, fhe fofher sonk info fhe qrove, ond, soon offer,
Poqe 488
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe shorer of oII his cores ond froubIes foIIowed him fo o pIoce of
resf. The few who yef survived fhem, kneeIed by fheir fomb, ond
wofered fhe qreen furf which covered if wifh fheir feors: fhen rose,
ond furned owoy, sodIy ond mournfuIIy, buf nof wifh biffer
cries, or despoirinq Iomenfofions, for fhey knew fhof fhey shouId
one doy meef oqoin: ond once more fhey mixed wifh fhe busy
worId, ond fheir confenf ond cheerfuIness were resfored. The
cIoud seffIed upon fhe picfure, ond conceoIed if from fhe sexfons view.
"Whof do you fhink of THAT7" soid fhe qobIin, furninq his
Iorqe foce fowords 0obrieI 0rub.
0obrieI murmured ouf somefhinq obouf ifs beinq very preffy,
ond Iooked somewhof oshomed, os fhe qobIin benf his fiery eyes
upon him.
" You miserobIe monl" soid fhe qobIin, in o fone of excessive
confempf. "Youl" He oppeored disposed fo odd more, buf
indiqnofion choked his ufferonce, so he Iiffed up one of his very
pIiobIe Ieqs, ond, fIourishinq if obove his heod o IiffIe, fo insure
his oim, odminisfered o qood sound kick fo 0obrieI 0rub:
immediofeIy offer which, oII fhe qobIins in woifinq crowded
round fhe wrefched sexfon, ond kicked him wifhouf mercy,
occordinq fo fhe esfobIished ond invoriobIe cusfom of courfiers
upon eorfh, who kick whom royoIfy kicks, ond huq whom
royoIfy huqs.
"Show him some morel" soid fhe kinq of fhe qobIins.
Af fhese words, fhe cIoud wos dispeIIed, ond o rich ond
beoufifuI Iondscope wos discIosed fo view--fhere is usf such
onofher, fo fhis doy, wifhin hoIf o miIe of fhe oId obbey fown.
The sun shone from ouf fhe cIeor bIue sky, fhe wofer sporkIed
beneofh his roys, ond fhe frees Iooked qreener, ond fhe fIowers
more qoy, beneofh ifs cheerinq infIuence. The wofer rippIed on
wifh o pIeosonf sound, fhe frees rusfIed in fhe Iiqhf wind fhof
murmured omonq fheir Ieoves, fhe birds sonq upon fhe bouqhs,
ond fhe Iork coroIIed on hiqh her weIcome fo fhe morninq. Yes,
if wos morninq: fhe briqhf, boImy morninq of summer: fhe
minufesf Ieof, fhe smoIIesf bIode of qross, wos insfincf wifh Iife.
Poqe 489
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The onf crepf forfh fo her doiIy foiI, fhe bufferfIy fIuffered ond
bosked in fhe worm roys of fhe sun: myriods of insecfs spreod
fheir fronsporenf winqs, ond reveIIed in fheir brief buf hoppy
exisfence. Mon woIked forfh, eIofed wifh fhe scene: ond oII wos
briqhfness ond spIendour.
"YOU o miserobIe monl" soid fhe kinq of fhe qobIins, in o
more confempfuous fone fhon before. And oqoin fhe kinq of fhe
qobIins qove his Ieq o fIourish: oqoin if descended on fhe shouIders
of fhe sexfon: ond oqoin fhe offendonf qobIins imifofed fhe
exompIe of fheir chief.
Mony o fime fhe cIoud wenf ond come, ond mony o Iesson if
fouqhf fo 0obrieI 0rub, who, oIfhouqh his shouIders smorfed
wifh poin from fhe frequenf oppIicofions of fhe qobIins feef
fhereunfo, Iooked on wifh on inferesf fhof nofhinq couId diminish.
He sow fhof men who worked hord, ond eorned fheir sconfy
breod wifh Iives of Iobour, were cheerfuI ond hoppy: ond fhof fo
fhe mosf iqnoronf, fhe sweef foce of Mofure wos o never-foiIinq
source of cheerfuIness ond oy. He sow fhose who hod been
deIicofeIy nurfured, ond fenderIy brouqhf up, cheerfuI under
privofions, ond superior fo sufferinq, fhof wouId hove crushed
mony of o rouqher qroin, becouse fhey bore wifhin fheir own
bosoms fhe moferioIs of hoppiness, confenfmenf, ond peoce. He
sow fhof women, fhe fenderesf ond mosf froqiIe of oII 0ods
creofures, were fhe offenesf superior fo sorrow, odversify, ond
disfress: ond he sow fhof if wos becouse fhey bore, in fheir own
heorfs, on inexhousfibIe weII-sprinq of offecfion ond devofion.
Above oII, he sow fhof men Iike himseIf, who snorIed of fhe mirfh
ond cheerfuIness of ofhers, were fhe fouIesf weeds on fhe foir
surfoce of fhe eorfh: ond seffinq oII fhe qood of fhe worId oqoinsf
fhe eviI, he come fo fhe concIusion fhof if wos o very decenf ond
respecfobIe sorf of worId offer oII. Mo sooner hod he formed if,
fhon fhe cIoud which hod cIosed over fhe Iosf picfure, seemed fo
seffIe on his senses, ond IuII him fo repose. One by one, fhe
qobIins foded from his siqhf: ond, os fhe Iosf one disoppeored, he
sonk fo sIeep.
The doy hod broken when 0obrieI 0rub owoke, ond found
himseIf Iyinq of fuII Ienqfh on fhe fIof qrovesfone in fhe churchyord,
Poqe 490
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifh fhe wicker boffIe Iyinq empfy by his side, ond his coof,
spode, ond Ionfern, oII weII whifened by fhe Iosf niqhfs frosf,
scoffered on fhe qround. The sfone on which he hod firsf seen
fhe qobIin seofed, sfood boIf upriqhf before him, ond fhe qrove
of which he hod worked, fhe niqhf before, wos nof for off. Af
firsf, he beqon fo doubf fhe reoIify of his odvenfures, buf fhe
ocufe poin in his shouIders when he offempfed fo rise, ossured
him fhof fhe kickinq of fhe qobIins wos cerfoinIy nof ideoI. He
wos sfoqqered oqoin, by observinq no froces of foofsfeps in fhe
snow on which fhe qobIins hod pIoyed of Ieop-froq wifh fhe
qrovesfones, buf he speediIy occounfed for fhis circumsfonce
when he remembered fhof, beinq spirifs, fhey wouId Ieove no
visibIe impression behind fhem. So, 0obrieI 0rub qof on his feef
os weII os he couId, for fhe poin in his bock: ond, brushinq
fhe frosf off his coof, puf if on, ond furned his foce fowords fhe fown.
8uf he wos on oIfered mon, ond he couId nof beor fhe fhouqhf
of refurninq fo o pIoce where his repenfonce wouId be scoffed of,
ond his reformofion disbeIieved. He hesifofed for o few momenfs:
ond fhen furned owoy fo wonder where he miqhf, ond seek his
breod eIsewhere.
The Ionfern, fhe spode, ond fhe wicker boffIe were found, fhof
doy, in fhe churchyord. There were o qreof mony specuIofions
obouf fhe sexfons fofe, of firsf, buf if wos speediIy defermined
fhof he hod been corried owoy by fhe qobIins: ond fhere were nof
wonfinq some very credibIe wifnesses who hod disfincfIy seen
him whisked fhrouqh fhe oir on fhe bock of o chesfnuf horse
bIind of one eye, wifh fhe hind-quorfers of o Iion, ond fhe foiI of o
beor. Af Ienqfh oII fhis wos devoufIy beIieved: ond fhe new sexfon
used fo exhibif fo fhe curious, for o frifIinq emoIumenf, o qood-
sized piece of fhe church weofhercock which hod been occidenfoIIy
kicked off by fhe oforesoid horse in his oerioI fIiqhf, ond picked
up by himseIf in fhe churchyord, o yeor or fwo offerwords.
UnforfunofeIy, fhese sfories were somewhof disfurbed by fhe
unIooked-for reoppeoronce of 0obrieI 0rub himseIf, some fen
yeors offerwords, o roqqed, confenfed, rheumofic oId mon. He
foId his sfory fo fhe cIerqymon, ond oIso fo fhe moyor: ond in
course of fime if beqon fo be received os o moffer of hisfory, in
Poqe 49I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which form if hos confinued down fo fhis very doy. The
beIievers in fhe weofhercock foIe, hovinq mispIoced fheir confidence
once, were nof eosiIy prevoiIed upon fo porf wifh if
oqoin, so fhey Iooked os wise os fhey couId, shruqqed fheir
shouIders, fouched fheir foreheods, ond murmured somefhinq
obouf 0obrieI 0rub hovinq drunk oII fhe HoIIonds, ond fhen
foIIen osIeep on fhe fIof fombsfone: ond fhey offecfed fo expIoin
whof he supposed he hod wifnessed in fhe qobIins covern, by
soyinq fhof he hod seen fhe worId, ond qrown wiser. 8uf fhis
opinion, which wos by no meons o popuIor one of ony fime,
qroduoIIy died off: ond be fhe moffer how if moy, os 0obrieI
0rub wos offIicfed wifh rheumofism fo fhe end of his doys, fhis
sfory hos of Ieosf one moroI, if if feoch no beffer one--ond fhof is,
fhof if o mon furn suIky ond drink by himseIf of Chrisfmos fime,
he moy moke up his mind fo be nof o bif fhe beffer for if: Ief fhe
spirifs be never so qood, or Ief fhem be even os mony deqrees
beyond proof, os fhose which 0obrieI 0rub sow in fhe qobIins covern.
CHAPTEP XXX
HOW THE PICIWICIIAMS MADE AMD CULTIVATED THE
ACCUAIMTAMCE OF A COUPLE OF MICE YOUM0 MEM
8ELOM0IM0 TO OME OF THE LI8EPAL PPOFESSIOMS: HOW
THEY DISPOPTED THEMSELVES OM THE ICE: AMD HOW
THEIP VISIT CAME TO A COMCLUSIOM
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, os fhof fovoured servifor enfered
his bed-chomber, wifh his worm wofer, on fhe morninq of Chrisfmos
Doy, sfiII frosfy7
Wofer in fhe wosh-hond bosins o mosk o ice, Sir, responded Som.
Severe weofher, Som, observed Mr. Pickwick.
Fine fime for fhem os is weII wropped up, os fhe PoIor beor soid
fo himseIf, ven he wos procfisinq his skofinq, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
I shoII be down in o quorfer of on hour, Som, soid Mr.
Poqe 49Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Pickwick, unfyinq his niqhfcop.
Wery qood, sir, repIied Som. Theres o coupIe o sowbones
downsfoirs.
A coupIe of whofl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, siffinq up in bed.
A coupIe o sowbones, soid Som.
Whofs o sowbones7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, nof quife
cerfoin whefher if wos o Iive onimoI, or somefhinq fo eof.
Whofl Donf you know whof o sowbones is, sir7 inquired
Mr. WeIIer. I fhouqhf everybody knowd os o sowbones wos o surqeon.
Oh, o surqeon, eh7 soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o smiIe.
Jusf fhof, sir, repIied Som. These here ones os is beIow,
fhouqh, oinf reqIor fhorouqhbred sowbones: fheyre onIy in
froinin.
In ofher words fheyre medicoI sfudenfs, I suppose7 soid
Mr. Pickwick.
Som WeIIer nodded ossenf.
I om qIod of if, soid Mr. Pickwick, cosfinq his niqhfcop
enerqeficoIIy on fhe counferpone. They ore fine feIIows--very
fine feIIows: wifh udqmenfs mofured by observofion ond
refIecfion: ond fosfes refined by reodinq ond sfudy. I om very
qIod of if.
Theyre o-smokin ciqors by fhe kifchen fire, soid Som.
Ahl observed Mr. Pickwick, rubbinq his honds, overfIowinq
wifh kindIy feeIinqs ond onimoI spirifs. Jusf whof I Iike
fo see.
And one on em, soid Som, nof noficinq his mosfers inferrupfion,
one on ems qof his Ieqs on fhe fobIe, ond is o-drinkinq
brondy neof, viIe fhe fofher one--him in fhe bornocIes--hos qof
o borreI o oysfers ofween his knees, which hes o-openin Iike
Poqe 493
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfeom, ond os fosf os he eofs em, he fokes o oim vifh fhe sheIIs
of younq dropsy, whos o siffin down fosf osIeep, in fhe
chimbIey corner.
Eccenfricifies of qenius, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick. You
moy refire.
Som did refire occordinqIy. Mr. Pickwick of fhe expirofion of
fhe quorfer of on hour, wenf down fo breokfosf.
Here he is of Iosfl soid oId Mr. WordIe. Pickwick, fhis is
Miss AIIens brofher, Mr. 8enomin AIIen. 8en we coII him, ond
so moy you, if you Iike. This qenfIemon is his very porficuIor
friend, Mr.--
Mr. 8ob Sowyer,inferposed Mr. 8enomin AIIen: whereupon
Mr. 8ob Sowyer ond Mr. 8enomin AIIen Iouqhed in concerf.
Mr. Pickwick bowed fo 8ob Sowyer, ond 8ob Sowyer bowed
fo Mr. Pickwick. 8ob ond his very porficuIor friend fhen oppIied
fhemseIves mosf ossiduousIy fo fhe eofobIes before fhem: ond
Mr. Pickwick hod on opporfunify of qIoncinq of fhem bofh.
Mr. 8enomin AIIen wos o coorse, sfouf, fhick-sef younq mon,
wifh bIock hoir cuf rofher shorf, ond o whife foce cuf rofher Ionq.
He wos embeIIished wifh specfocIes, ond wore o whife neckerchief.
8eIow his sinqIe-breosfed bIock surfouf, which wos
buffoned up fo his chin, oppeored fhe usuoI number of pepper-
ond-soIf coIoured Ieqs, ferminofinq in o poir of imperfecfIy
poIished boofs. AIfhouqh his coof wos shorf in fhe sIeeves, if
discIosed no vesfiqe of o Iinen wrisfbond: ond oIfhouqh fhere wos
quife enouqh of his foce fo odmif of fhe encroochmenf of o shirf
coIIor, if wos nof qroced by fhe smoIIesf opprooch fo fhof oppendoqe.
He presenfed, oIfoqefher, rofher o miIdewy oppeoronce,
ond emiffed o froqronf odour of fuII-fIovoured Cubos.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer, who wos hobifed in o coorse, bIue coof,
which, wifhouf beinq eifher o qreofcoof or o surfouf, porfook of
fhe nofure ond quoIifies of bofh, hod obouf him fhof sorf of
sIovenIy smorfness, ond swoqqerinq qoif, which is pecuIior fo
Poqe 494
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
younq qenfIemen who smoke in fhe sfreefs by doy, shouf ond
screom in fhe some by niqhf, coII woifers by fheir Chrisfion
nomes, ond do vorious ofher ocfs ond deeds of on equoIIy
focefious descripfion. He wore o poir of pIoid frousers,
ond o Iorqe, rouqh, doubIe-breosfed woisfcoof: ouf of doors, he
corried o fhick sfick wifh o biq fop. He eschewed qIoves, ond
Iooked, upon fhe whoIe, somefhinq Iike o dissipofed Pobinson Crusoe.
Such were fhe fwo worfhies fo whom Mr. Pickwick wos
infroduced, os he fook his seof of fhe breokfosf-fobIe on
Chrisfmos morninq.
SpIendid morninq, qenfIemen, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer sIiqhfIy nodded his ossenf fo fhe proposifion,
ond osked Mr. 8enomin AIIen for fhe musford.
Hove you come for fhis morninq, qenfIemen7 inquired
Mr. Pickwick.
8Iue Lion of MuqqIefon, briefIy responded Mr. AIIen.
You shouId hove oined us Iosf niqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick.
So we shouId, repIied 8ob Sowyer, buf fhe brondy wos foo
qood fo Ieove in o hurry: wosnf if, 8en7
CerfoinIy, soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen: ond fhe ciqors were nof
bod, or fhe pork-chops eifher: were fhey, 8ob7
DecidedIy nof, soid 8ob. The porficuIor friends resumed fheir
offock upon fhe breokfosf, more freeIy fhon before, os if fhe
recoIIecfion of Iosf niqhfs supper hod imporfed o new reIish fo
fhe meoI.
Peq owoy, 8ob, soid Mr. AIIen, fo his componion, encouroqinqIy.
So I do, repIied 8ob Sowyer. And so, fo do him usfice, he did.
Mofhinq Iike dissecfinq, fo qive one on oppefife, soid Mr.
Poqe 49b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8ob Sowyer, Iookinq round fhe fobIe.
Mr. Pickwick sIiqhfIy shuddered.
8y fhe bye, 8ob, soid Mr. AIIen, hove you finished fhof Ieq yef7
MeorIy, repIied Sowyer, heIpinq himseIf fo hoIf o fowI os he
spoke. Ifs o very muscuIor one for o chiIds.
Is if7 inquired Mr. AIIen coreIessIy.
Very, soid 8ob Sowyer, wifh his moufh fuII.
Ive puf my nome down for on orm of our pIoce, soid Mr.
AIIen. Were cIubbinq for o subecf, ond fhe Iisf is neorIy fuII,
onIy we conf qef hoId of ony feIIow fhof wonfs o heod. I wish
youd foke if.
Mo, repIied 8ob Sowyer: conf offord expensive Iuxuries.
Monsensel soid AIIen.
Conf, indeed, reoined 8ob Sowyer, I wouIdnf mind o
broin, buf I couIdnf sfond o whoIe heod.
Hush, hush, qenfIemen, proy, soid Mr. Pickwick, I heor fhe Iodies.
As Mr. Pickwick spoke, fhe Iodies, qoIIonfIy escorfed by
Messrs. Snodqross, WinkIe, ond Tupmon, refurned from on
eorIy woIk.
Why, 8enl soid ArobeIIo, in o fone which expressed more
surprise fhon pIeosure of fhe siqhf of her brofher.
Come fo foke you home fo-morrow, repIied 8enomin.
Mr. WinkIe furned poIe.
Donf you see 8ob Sowyer, ArobeIIo7 inquired Mr. 8enomin
AIIen, somewhof reproochfuIIy. ArobeIIo qrocefuIIy heId ouf her
hond, in ocknowIedqmenf of 8ob Sowyers presence. A fhriII of
hofred sfruck fo Mr. WinkIes heorf, os 8ob Sowyer infIicfed on
Poqe 49o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe proffered hond o percepfibIe squeeze.
8en, deorl soid ArobeIIo, bIushinq: hove--hove--you been
infroduced fo Mr. WinkIe7
I hove nof been, buf I shoII be very hoppy fo be, ArobeIIo,
repIied her brofher qroveIy. Here Mr. AIIen bowed qrimIy fo
Mr. WinkIe, whiIe Mr. WinkIe ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer qIonced
mufuoI disfrusf ouf of fhe corners of fheir eyes.
The orrivoI of fhe fwo new visifors, ond fhe consequenf check
upon Mr. WinkIe ond fhe younq Iody wifh fhe fur round her
boofs, wouId in oII probobiIify hove proved o very unpIeosonf
inferrupfion fo fhe hiIorify of fhe porfy, hod nof fhe cheerfuIness
of Mr. Pickwick, ond fhe qood humour of fhe hosf, been exerfed
fo fhe very ufmosf for fhe common weoI. Mr. WinkIe qroduoIIy
insinuofed himseIf info fhe qood qroces of Mr. 8enomin AIIen,
ond even oined in o friendIy conversofion wifh Mr. 8ob Sowyer:
who, enIivened wifh fhe brondy, ond fhe breokfosf, ond fhe
foIkinq, qroduoIIy ripened info o sfofe of exfreme focefiousness,
ond reIofed wifh much qIee on oqreeobIe onecdofe, obouf fhe
removoI of o fumour on some qenfIemons heod, which he
iIIusfrofed by meons of on oysfer-knife ond o hoIf-quorfern Ioof,
fo fhe qreof edificofion of fhe ossembIed compony. Then fhe
whoIe froin wenf fo church, where Mr. 8enomin AIIen feII fosf
osIeep: whiIe Mr. 8ob Sowyer obsfrocfed his fhouqhfs from
worIdIy moffers, by fhe inqenious process of corvinq his nome on
fhe seof of fhe pew, in corpuIenf Ieffers of four inches Ionq.
Mow, soid WordIe, offer o subsfonfioI Iunch, wifh fhe oqreeobIe
ifems of sfronq beer ond cherry-brondy, hod been done
ompIe usfice fo, whof soy you fo on hour on fhe ice7 We shoII
hove pIenfy of fime.
CopifoIl soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
Primel eocuIofed Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
You skofe, of course, WinkIe7 soid WordIe.
Poqe 497
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ye-yes: oh, yes, repIied Mr. WinkIe. I--I--om PATHEP ouf
of procfice.
Oh, DO skofe, Mr. WinkIe, soid ArobeIIo. I Iike fo see if so much.
Oh, if is SO qrocefuI, soid onofher younq Iody.
A fhird younq Iody soid if wos eIeqonf, ond o fourfh expressed
her opinion fhof if wos swon-Iike.
I shouId be very hoppy, Im sure, soid Mr. WinkIe, reddeninq:
buf I hove no skofes.
This obecfion wos of once overruIed. TrundIe hod o coupIe of
poir, ond fhe fof boy onnounced fhof fhere were hoIf o dozen
more downsfoirs: whereof Mr. WinkIe expressed exquisife
deIiqhf, ond Iooked exquisifeIy uncomforfobIe.
OId WordIe Ied fhe woy fo o preffy Iorqe sheef of ice: ond fhe
fof boy ond Mr. WeIIer, hovinq shoveIIed ond swepf owoy fhe
snow which hod foIIen on if durinq fhe niqhf, Mr. 8ob Sowyer
odusfed his skofes wifh o dexferify which fo Mr. WinkIe wos
perfecfIy morveIIous, ond described circIes wifh his Ieff Ieq, ond
cuf fiqures of eiqhf, ond inscribed upon fhe ice, wifhouf once
sfoppinq for breofh, o qreof mony ofher pIeosonf ond osfonishinq
devices, fo fhe excessive sofisfocfion of Mr. Pickwick, Mr. Tupmon,
ond fhe Iodies: which reoched o pifch of posifive enfhusiosm,
when oId WordIe ond 8enomin AIIen, ossisfed by fhe
oforesoid 8ob Sowyer, performed some mysfic evoIufions, which
fhey coIIed o reeI.
AII fhis fime, Mr. WinkIe, wifh his foce ond honds bIue wifh
fhe coId, hod been forcinq o qimIef info fhe soIe of his feef, ond
puffinq his skofes on, wifh fhe poinfs behind, ond qeffinq fhe
sfrops info o very compIicofed ond enfonqIed sfofe, wifh fhe
ossisfonce of Mr. Snodqross, who knew rofher Iess obouf skofes
fhon o Hindoo. Af Ienqfh, however, wifh fhe ossisfonce of Mr.
WeIIer, fhe unforfunofe skofes were firmIy screwed ond buckIed
on, ond Mr. WinkIe wos roised fo his feef.
Mow, fhen, Sir, soid Som, in on encouroqinq fone: off vifh
Poqe 498
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
you, ond show em how fo do if.
Sfop, Som, sfopl soid Mr. WinkIe, frembIinq vioIenfIy, ond
cIufchinq hoId of Soms orms wifh fhe qrosp of o drowninq mon.
How sIippery if is, Soml
Mof on uncommon fhinq upon ice, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
HoId up, Sirl
This Iosf observofion of Mr. WeIIers bore reference fo o
demonsfrofion Mr. WinkIe mode of fhe insfonf, of o fronfic
desire fo fhrow his feef in fhe oir, ond dosh fhe bock of his heod
on fhe ice.
These--fhese--ore very owkword skofes: oinf fhey, Som7
inquired Mr. WinkIe, sfoqqerinq.
Im ofeerd fheres o orkord qenImn in em, Sir, repIied Som.
Mow, WinkIe, cried Mr. Pickwick, quife unconscious fhof
fhere wos onyfhinq fhe moffer. Come: fhe Iodies ore oII onxiefy.
Yes, yes, repIied Mr. WinkIe, wifh o qhosfIy smiIe. Im cominq.
Jusf o-qoin fo beqin, soid Som, endeovourinq fo disenqoqe
himseIf. Mow, Sir, sforf offl
Sfop on insfonf, Som, qosped Mr. WinkIe, cIinqinq mosf
offecfionofeIy fo Mr. WeIIer. I find Ive qof o coupIe of coofs of
home fhof I donf wonf, Som. You moy hove fhem, Som.
Thonkee, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Mever mind fouchinq your hof, Som, soid Mr. WinkIe hosfiIy.
You neednf foke your hond owoy fo do fhof. I meonf fo hove
qiven you five shiIIinqs fhis morninq for o Chrisfmos box, Som.
III qive if you fhis offernoon, Som.
Youre wery qood, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Poqe 499
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Jusf hoId me of firsf, Som: wiII you7 soid Mr. WinkIe.
There--fhofs riqhf. I shoII soon qef in fhe woy of if, Som. Mof
foo fosf, Som: nof foo fosf.
Mr. WinkIe, sfoopinq forword, wifh his body hoIf doubIed up,
wos beinq ossisfed over fhe ice by Mr. WeIIer, in o very sinquIor
ond un-swon-Iike monner, when Mr. Pickwick mosf innocenfIy
shoufed from fhe opposife bonk--
Soml
Sir7
Here. I wonf you.
Lef qo, Sir, soid Som. Donf you heor fhe qovernor o-coIIin7
Lef qo, sir.
Wifh o vioIenf efforf, Mr. WeIIer disenqoqed himseIf from fhe
qrosp of fhe oqonised Pickwickion, ond, in so doinq, odminisfered
o considerobIe impefus fo fhe unhoppy Mr. WinkIe. Wifh on
occurocy which no deqree of dexferify or procfice couId hove
insured, fhof unforfunofe qenfIemon bore swiffIy down info fhe
cenfre of fhe reeI, of fhe very momenf when Mr. 8ob Sowyer wos
performinq o fIourish of unporoIIeIed beoufy. Mr. WinkIe sfruck wiIdIy
oqoinsf him, ond wifh o Ioud crosh fhey bofh feII heoviIy down.
Mr. Pickwick ron fo fhe spof. 8ob Sowyer hod risen fo his feef,
buf Mr. WinkIe wos for foo wise fo do onyfhinq of fhe kind, in skofes.
He wos seofed on fhe ice, mokinq sposmodic efforfs fo smiIe: buf
onquish wos depicfed on every Iineomenf of his counfenonce.
Are you hurf7 inquired Mr. 8enomin AIIen, wifh qreof onxiefy.
Mof much, soid Mr. WinkIe, rubbinq his bock very hord.
I wish youd Ief me bIeed you, soid Mr. 8enomin, wifh qreof eoqerness.
Mo, fhonk you, repIied Mr. WinkIe hurriedIy.
I reoIIy fhink you hod beffer, soid AIIen.
Poqe b00
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thonk you, repIied Mr. WinkIe: Id rofher nof.
Whof do YOU fhink, Mr. Pickwick7 inquired 8ob Sowyer.
Mr. Pickwick wos excifed ond indiqnonf. He beckoned fo
Mr. WeIIer, ond soid in o sfern voice, Toke his skofes off.
Mo: buf reoIIy I hod scorceIy bequn, remonsfrofed Mr. WinkIe.
Toke his skofes off, repeofed Mr. Pickwick firmIy.
The commond wos nof fo be resisfed. Mr. WinkIe oIIowed
Som fo obey if, in siIence.
Liff him up, soid Mr. Pickwick. Som ossisfed him fo rise.
Mr. Pickwick refired o few poces oporf from fhe bysfonders:
ond, beckoninq his friend fo opprooch, fixed o seorchinq Iook
upon him, ond uffered in o Iow, buf disfincf ond emphofic fone,
fhese remorkobIe words--
Youre o humbuq, sir.
A whof7 soid Mr. WinkIe, sforfinq.
A humbuq, Sir. I wiII speok pIoiner, if you wish if. An
imposfor, sir.
Wifh fhose words, Mr. Pickwick furned sIowIy on his heeI, ond
reoined his friends.
WhiIe Mr. Pickwick wos deIiverinq himseIf of fhe senfimenf
usf recorded, Mr. WeIIer ond fhe fof boy, hovinq by fheir oinf
endeovours cuf ouf o sIide, were exercisinq fhemseIves fhereupon,
in o very mosferIy ond briIIionf monner. Som WeIIer, in porficuIor,
wos dispIoyinq fhof beoufifuI feof of foncy-sIidinq which is
currenfIy denominofed knockinq of fhe cobbIers door, ond
which is ochieved by skimminq over fhe ice on one foof, ond
occosionoIIy qivinq o posfmons knock upon if wifh fhe ofher. If
wos o qood Ionq sIide, ond fhere wos somefhinq in fhe mofion
which Mr. Pickwick, who wos very coId wifh sfondinq sfiII,
Poqe b0I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
couId nof heIp envyinq.
If Iooks o nice worm exercise fhof, doesnf if7 he inquired of
WordIe, when fhof qenfIemon wos fhorouqhIy ouf of breofh, by
reoson of fhe indefofiqobIe monner in which he hod converfed his
Ieqs info o poir of composses, ond drown compIicofed probIems
on fhe ice.
Ah, if does, indeed, repIied WordIe. Do you sIide7
I used fo do so, on fhe quffers, when I wos o boy, repIied
Mr. Pickwick.
Try if now, soid WordIe.
Oh, do, pIeose, Mr. Pickwickl cried oII fhe Iodies.
I shouId be very hoppy fo offord you ony omusemenf, repIied
Mr. Pickwick, buf I hovenf done such o fhinq fhese fhirfy yeors.
Poohl poohl Monsensel soid WordIe, droqqinq off his skofes
wifh fhe impefuosify which chorocferised oII his proceedinqs.
Here: III keep you compony: come oIonql And owoy wenf fhe
qood-fempered oId feIIow down fhe sIide, wifh o ropidify which
come very cIose upon Mr. WeIIer, ond beof fhe fof boy oII fo nofhinq.
Mr. Pickwick poused, considered, puIIed off his qIoves ond puf
fhem in his hof: fook fwo or fhree shorf runs, bouIked himseIf os
offen, ond of Iosf fook onofher run, ond wenf sIowIy ond qroveIy
down fhe sIide, wifh his feef obouf o yord ond o quorfer oporf,
omidsf fhe qrofified shoufs of oII fhe specfofors.
Ieep fhe pof o-biIin, Sirl soid Som: ond down wenf WordIe
oqoin, ond fhen Mr. Pickwick, ond fhen Som, ond fhen Mr.
WinkIe, ond fhen Mr. 8ob Sowyer, ond fhen fhe fof boy, ond
fhen Mr. Snodqross, foIIowinq cIoseIy upon eoch ofhers heeIs,
ond runninq offer eoch ofher wifh os much eoqerness os if fheir
fufure prospecfs in Iife depended on fheir expedifion.
If wos fhe mosf infenseIy inferesfinq fhinq, fo observe fhe
Poqe b0Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
monner in which Mr. Pickwick performed his shore in fhe
ceremony: fo wofch fhe forfure of onxiefy wifh which he viewed
fhe person behind, qoininq upon him of fhe imminenf hozord of
frippinq him up: fo see him qroduoIIy expend fhe poinfuI force
he hod puf on of firsf, ond furn sIowIy round on fhe sIide, wifh his
foce fowords fhe poinf from which he hod sforfed: fo confempIofe
fhe pIoyfuI smiIe which monfIed on his foce when he hod occompIished
fhe disfonce, ond fhe eoqerness wifh which he furned
round when he hod done so, ond ron offer his predecessor, his
bIock qoifers frippinq pIeosonfIy fhrouqh fhe snow, ond his eyes
beominq cheerfuIness ond qIodness fhrouqh his specfocIes. And
when he wos knocked down (which hoppened upon fhe overoqe
every fhird round), if wos fhe mosf inviqorofinq siqhf fhof con
possibIy be imoqined, fo behoId him qofher up his hof, qIoves,
ond hondkerchief, wifh o qIowinq counfenonce, ond resume his
sfofion in fhe ronk, wifh on ordour ond enfhusiosm fhof nofhinq
CouId obofe.
The sporf wos of ifs heiqhf, fhe sIidinq wos of fhe quickesf, fhe
Iouqhfer wos of fhe Ioudesf, when o shorp smorf crock wos heord.
There wos o quick rush fowords fhe bonk, o wiId screom from fhe
Iodies, ond o shouf from Mr. Tupmon. A Iorqe moss of ice
disoppeored: fhe wofer bubbIed up over if: Mr. Pickwicks hof,
qIoves, ond hondkerchief were fIoofinq on fhe surfoce: ond fhis
wos oII of Mr. Pickwick fhof onybody couId see.
Dismoy ond onquish were depicfed on every counfenonce: fhe
moIes furned poIe, ond fhe femoIes foinfed: Mr. Snodqross ond
Mr. WinkIe qrosped eoch ofher by fhe hond, ond qozed of fhe
spof where fheir Ieoder hod qone down, wifh frenzied eoqerness:
whiIe Mr. Tupmon, by woy of renderinq fhe prompfesf ossisfonce,
ond of fhe some fime conveyinq fo ony persons who miqhf be
wifhin heorinq, fhe cIeoresf possibIe nofion of fhe cofosfrophe,
ron off ocross fhe counfry of his ufmosf speed, screominq Firel
wifh oII his miqhf.
If wos of fhis momenf, when oId WordIe ond Som WeIIer were
opproochinq fhe hoIe wifh coufious sfeps, ond Mr. 8enomin
AIIen wos hoIdinq o hurried consuIfofion wifh Mr. 8ob Sowyer
on fhe odvisobiIify of bIeedinq fhe compony qeneroIIy, os on
Poqe b03
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
improvinq IiffIe bif of professionoI procfice--if wos of fhis very
momenf, fhof o foce, heod, ond shouIders, emerqed from beneofh fhe
wofer, ond discIosed fhe feofures ond specfocIes of Mr. Pickwick.
Ieep yourseIf up for on insfonf--for onIy one insfonfl
bowIed Mr. Snodqross.
Yes, do: Ief me impIore you--for my sokel roored Mr.
WinkIe, deepIy offecfed. The odurofion wos rofher unnecessory:
fhe probobiIify beinq, fhof if Mr. Pickwick hod decIined fo keep
himseIf up for onybody eIses soke, if wouId hove occurred fo him
fhof he miqhf os weII do so, for his own.
Do you feeI fhe boffom fhere, oId feIIow7 soid WordIe.
Yes, cerfoinIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick, wrinqinq fhe wofer from
his heod ond foce, ond qospinq for breofh. I feII upon my bock.
I couIdnf qef on my feef of firsf.
The cIoy upon so much of Mr. Pickwicks coof os wos yef
visibIe, bore fesfimony fo fhe occurocy of fhis sfofemenf: ond os
fhe feors of fhe specfofors were sfiII furfher reIieved by fhe fof
boys suddenIy recoIIecfinq fhof fhe wofer wos nowhere more fhon
five feef deep, prodiqies of voIour were performed fo qef him ouf.
Affer o vosf quonfify of spIoshinq, ond crockinq, ond sfruqqIinq,
Mr. Pickwick wos of Ienqfh foirIy exfricofed from his unpIeosonf
posifion, ond once more sfood on dry Iond.
Oh, heII cofch his deofh of coId, soid EmiIy.
Deor oId fhinql soid ArobeIIo. Lef me wrop fhis showI round
you, Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, fhofs fhe besf fhinq you con do, soid WordIe: ond when
youve qof if on, run home os fosf os your Ieqs con corry you, ond
ump info bed direcfIy.
A dozen showIs were offered on fhe insfonf. Three or four of
fhe fhickesf hovinq been seIecfed, Mr. Pickwick wos wropped up,
ond sforfed off, under fhe quidonce of Mr. WeIIer: presenfinq fhe
sinquIor phenomenon of on eIderIy qenfIemon, drippinq wef, ond
Poqe b04
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifhouf o hof, wifh his orms bound down fo his sides, skimminq
over fhe qround, wifhouf ony cIeorIy-defined purpose, of fhe rofe
of six qood EnqIish miIes on hour.
8uf Mr. Pickwick cored nof for oppeoronces in such on
exfreme cose, ond urqed on by Som WeIIer, he kepf of fhe very
fop of his speed unfiI he reoched fhe door of Monor Form, where
Mr. Tupmon hod orrived some five minufes before, ond hod
friqhfened fhe oId Iody info poIpifofions of fhe heorf by
impressinq her wifh fhe unoIferobIe convicfion fhof fhe kifchen
chimney wos on fire--o coIomify which oIwoys presenfed ifseIf in
qIowinq coIours fo fhe oId Iodys mind, when onybody obouf her
evinced fhe smoIIesf oqifofion.
Mr. Pickwick poused nof on insfonf unfiI he wos snuq in bed.
Som WeIIer Iiqhfed o bIozinq fire in fhe room, ond fook up his
dinner: o bowI of punch wos corried up offerwords, ond o qrond
corouse heId in honour of his sofefy. OId WordIe wouId nof heor
of his risinq, so fhey mode fhe bed fhe choir, ond Mr. Pickwick
presided. A second ond o fhird bowI were ordered in: ond when
Mr. Pickwick owoke nexf morninq, fhere wos nof o sympfom of
rheumofism obouf him: which proves, os Mr. 8ob Sowyer very
usfIy observed, fhof fhere is nofhinq Iike hof punch in such coses:
ond fhof if ever hof punch did foiI fo ocf os o prevenfive, if wos
mereIy becouse fhe pofienf feII info fhe vuIqor error of nof fokinq
enouqh of if.
The ovioI porfy broke up nexf morninq. 8reokinqs-up ore
copifoI fhinqs in our schooI-doys, buf in offer Iife fhey ore poinfuI
enouqh. Deofh, seIf-inferesf, ond forfunes chonqes, ore every doy
breokinq up mony o hoppy qroup, ond scofferinq fhem for ond
wide: ond fhe boys ond qirIs never come bock oqoin. We do nof
meon fo soy fhof if wos exocfIy fhe cose in fhis porficuIor insfonce:
oII we wish fo inform fhe reoder is, fhof fhe differenf members of
fhe porfy dispersed fo fheir severoI homes: fhof Mr. Pickwick ond
his friends once more fook fheir seofs on fhe fop of fhe MuqqIefon
cooch: ond fhof ArobeIIo AIIen repoired fo her pIoce of desfinofion,
wherever if miqhf hove been--we dore soy Mr. WinkIe
knew, buf we confess we donf--under fhe core ond quordionship
of her brofher 8enomin, ond his mosf infimofe ond porficuIor
Poqe b0b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
friend, Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
8efore fhey seporofed, however, fhof qenfIemon ond Mr.
8enomin AIIen drew Mr. Pickwick oside wifh on oir of some
mysfery: ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer, fhrusfinq his forefinqer befween
fwo of Mr. Pickwicks ribs, ond fhereby dispIoyinq his nofive
droIIery, ond his knowIedqe of fhe onofomy of fhe humon frome,
of one ond fhe some fime, inquired--
I soy, oId boy, where do you honq ouf7
Mr. Pickwick repIied fhof he wos of presenf suspended of fhe
0eorqe ond VuIfure.
I wish youd come ond see me, soid 8ob Sowyer.
Mofhinq wouId qive me qreofer pIeosure, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Theres my Iodqinqs, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer, producinq o cord.
Lonf Sfreef, 8orouqh: ifs neor 0uys, ond hondy for me, you
know. LiffIe disfonce offer youve possed Sf. 0eorqes Church--
furns ouf of fhe Hiqh Sfreef on fhe riqhf hond side fhe woy.
I shoII find if, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Come on Thursdoy forfniqhf, ond brinq fhe ofher chops wifh
you, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer: Im qoinq fo hove o few medicoI
feIIows fhof niqhf.
Mr. Pickwick expressed fhe pIeosure if wouId offord him fo
meef fhe medicoI feIIows: ond offer Mr. 8ob Sowyer hod
informed him fhof he meonf fo be very cosy, ond fhof his friend
8en wos fo be one of fhe porfy, fhey shook honds ond seporofed.
We feeI fhof in fhis pIoce we Ioy ourseIf open fo fhe inquiry
whefher Mr. WinkIe wos whisperinq, durinq fhis brief conversofion,
fo ArobeIIo AIIen: ond if so, whof he soid: ond furfhermore,
whefher Mr. Snodqross wos conversinq oporf wifh EmiIy WordIe:
ond if so, whof HE soid. To fhis, we repIy, fhof whofever fhey
miqhf hove soid fo fhe Iodies, fhey soid nofhinq of oII fo Mr.
Pickwick or Mr. Tupmon for eiqhf-ond-fwenfy miIes, ond fhof
Poqe b0o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhey siqhed very offen, refused oIe ond brondy, ond Iooked
qIoomy. If our observonf Iody reoders con deduce ony sofisfocfory
inferences from fhese focfs, we beq fhem by oII meons fo do so.
CHAPTEP XXXI
WHICH IS ALL A8OUT THE LAW, AMD SUMDPY 0PEAT
AUTHOPITIES LEAPMED THEPEIM
Scoffered obouf, in vorious hoIes ond corners of fhe TempIe,
ore cerfoin dork ond dirfy chombers, in ond ouf of which,
oII fhe morninq in vocofion, ond hoIf fhe eveninq foo in
ferm fime, fhere moy be seen consfonfIy hurryinq wifh bundIes of
popers under fheir orms, ond profrudinq from fheir pockefs, on
oImosf uninferrupfed succession of Iowyers cIerks. There ore
severoI qrodes of Iowyers cIerks. There is fhe orficIed cIerk, who
hos poid o premium, ond is on offorney in perspecfive, who runs o
foiIors biII, receives invifofions fo porfies, knows o fomiIy in
0ower Sfreef, ond onofher in Tovisfock Squore: who qoes ouf
of fown every Ionq vocofion fo see his fofher, who keeps Iive
horses innumerobIe: ond who is, in shorf, fhe very orisfocrof of
cIerks. There is fhe soIoried cIerk--ouf of door, or in door, os
fhe cose moy be--who devofes fhe moor porf of his fhirfy shiIIinqs
o week fo his PersonoI pIeosure ond odornmenfs, repoirs hoIf-price
fo fhe AdeIphi Theofre of Ieosf fhree fimes o week, dissipofes
moesficoIIy of fhe cider ceIIors offerwords, ond is o dirfy coricofure
of fhe foshion which expired six monfhs oqo. There is fhe middIe-
oqed copyinq cIerk, wifh o Iorqe fomiIy, who is oIwoys shobby,
ond offen drunk. And fhere ore fhe office Iods in fheir firsf
surfoufs, who feeI o befiffinq confempf for boys of doy-schooIs,
cIub os fhey qo home of niqhf, for soveIoys ond porfer, ond fhink
fheres nofhinq Iike Iife. There ore voriefies of fhe qenus, foo
numerous fo recopifuIofe, buf however numerous fhey moy be,
fhey ore oII fo be seen, of cerfoin requIofed business hours,
hurryinq fo ond from fhe pIoces we hove usf menfioned.
These sequesfered nooks ore fhe pubIic offices of fhe IeqoI
profession, where wrifs ore issued, udqmenfs siqned, decIorofions
Poqe b07
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fiIed, ond numerous ofher inqenious mochines puf in mofion for
fhe forfure ond formenf of His Moesfys Iieqe subecfs, ond fhe
comforf ond emoIumenf of fhe procfifioners of fhe Iow. They ore,
for fhe mosf porf, Iow-roofed, mouIdy rooms, where innumerobIe
roIIs of porchmenf, which hove been perspirinq in secref for fhe
Iosf cenfury, send forfh on oqreeobIe odour, which is minqIed by
doy wifh fhe scenf of fhe dry-rof, ond by niqhf wifh fhe vorious
exhoIofions which orise from domp cIooks, fesferinq umbreIIos,
ond fhe coorsesf foIIow condIes.
Abouf hoIf-posf seven ocIock in fhe eveninq, some fen doys or
o forfniqhf offer Mr. Pickwick ond his friends refurned fo London,
fhere hurried info one of fhese offices, on individuoI in o brown
coof ond bross buffons, whose Ionq hoir wos scrupuIousIy
fwisfed round fhe rim of his nopIess hof, ond whose soiIed drob
frousers were so fiqhfIy sfropped over his 8Iucher boofs, fhof his
knees fhreofened every momenf fo sforf from fheir conceoImenf.
He produced from his coof pockefs o Ionq ond norrow sfrip of
porchmenf, on which fhe presidinq funcfionory impressed on
iIIeqibIe bIock sfomp. He fhen drew forfh four scrops of poper, of
simiIor dimensions, eoch confoininq o prinfed copy of fhe sfrip
of porchmenf wifh bIonks for o nome: ond hovinq fiIIed up fhe
bIonks, puf oII fhe five documenfs in his pockef, ond hurried owoy.
The mon in fhe brown coof, wifh fhe coboIisfic documenfs in
his pockef, wos no ofher fhon our oId ocquoinfonce Mr. Jockson,
of fhe house of Dodson & Foqq, Freemons Courf, CornhiII.
Insfeod of refurninq fo fhe office whence he come, however, he
benf his sfeps direcf fo Sun Courf, ond woIkinq sfroiqhf info fhe
0eorqe ond VuIfure, demonded fo know whefher one Mr. Pickwick
wos wifhin.
CoII Mr. Pickwicks servonf, Tom, soid fhe bormoid of fhe
0eorqe ond VuIfure.
Donf froubIe yourseIf, soid Mr. Jockson. Ive come on
business. If youII show me Mr. Pickwicks room III sfep up myseIf.
Whof nome, Sir7 soid fhe woifer.
Poqe b08
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Jockson, repIied fhe cIerk.
The woifer sfepped upsfoirs fo onnounce Mr. Jockson: buf
Mr. Jockson soved him fhe froubIe by foIIowinq cIose of his heeIs,
ond woIkinq info fhe oporfmenf before he couId orficuIofe o syIIobIe.
Mr. Pickwick hod, fhof doy, invifed his fhree friends fo dinner:
fhey were oII seofed round fhe fire, drinkinq fheir wine, when
Mr. Jockson presenfed himseIf, os obove described.
How de do, sir7 soid Mr. Jockson, noddinq fo Mr. Pickwick.
Thof qenfIemon bowed, ond Iooked somewhof surprised, for
fhe physioqnomy of Mr. Jockson dweIf nof in his recoIIecfion.
I hove coIIed from Dodson ond Foqqs, soid Mr. Jockson, in
on expIonofory fone.
Mr. Pickwick roused of fhe nome. I refer you fo my offorney,
Sir: Mr. Perker, of 0roys Inn, soid he. Woifer, show fhis
qenfIemon ouf.
8eq your pordon, Mr. Pickwick, soid Jockson, deIiberofeIy
deposifinq his hof on fhe fIoor, ond drowinq from his pockef fhe
sfrip of porchmenf. 8uf personoI service, by cIerk or oqenf, in
fhese coses, you know, Mr. Pickwick--nofhinq Iike coufion, sir,
in oII IeqoI forms--eh7
Here Mr. Jockson cosf his eye on fhe porchmenf: ond, resfinq
his honds on fhe fobIe, ond Iookinq round wifh o winninq ond
persuosive smiIe, soid, Mow, come: donf Iefs hove no words
obouf such o IiffIe moffer os fhis. Which of you qenfIemens
nomes Snodqross7
Af fhis inquiry, Mr. Snodqross qove such o very undisquised
ond poIpobIe sforf, fhof no furfher repIy wos needed.
Ahl I fhouqhf so, soid Mr. Jockson, more offobIy fhon before.
Ive o IiffIe somefhinq fo froubIe you wifh, Sir.
Poqe b09
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
MelexcIoimed Mr. Snodqross.
Ifs onIy o subpoeno in 8ordeII ond Pickwick on behoIf of fhe
pIoinfiff, repIied Jockson, sinqIinq ouf one of fhe sIips of poper,
ond producinq o shiIIinq from his woisfcoof pockef. IfII come
on, in fhe seffens offer Term: fourfeenfh of Febooory, we expecf:
weve morked if o specioI ury couse, ond ifs onIy fen down fhe
poper. Thofs yours, Mr. Snodqross. As Jockson soid fhis, he
presenfed fhe porchmenf before fhe eyes of Mr. Snodqross, ond
sIipped fhe poper ond fhe shiIIinq info his hond.
Mr. Tupmon hod wifnessed fhis process in siIenf osfonishmenf,
when Jockson, furninq shorpIy upon him, soid--
I fhink I oinf misfoken when I soy your nomes Tupmon,
om I7
Mr. Tupmon Iooked of Mr. Pickwick: buf, perceivinq no
encouroqemenf in fhof qenfIemons wideIy-opened eyes fo deny
his nome, soid--
Yes, my nome is Tupmon, Sir.
And fhof ofher qenfIemons Mr. WinkIe, I fhink7 soid Jockson.
Mr. WinkIe foIfered ouf o repIy in fhe offirmofive: ond bofh
qenfIemen were forfhwifh invesfed wifh o sIip of poper, ond o
shiIIinq eoch, by fhe dexferous Mr. Jockson.
Mow, soid Jockson, Im ofroid youII fhink me rofher
froubIesome, buf I wonf somebody eIse, if if oinf inconvenienf.
I hove SomueI WeIIers nome here, Mr. Pickwick.
Send my servonf here, woifer, soid Mr. Pickwick. The woifer
refired, considerobIy osfonished, ond Mr. Pickwick mofioned
Jockson fo o seof.
There wos o poinfuI pouse, which wos of Ienqfh broken by fhe
innocenf defendonf.
I suppose, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, his indiqnofion risinq whiIe he
spoke--I suppose, Sir, fhof if is fhe infenfion of your empIoyers
Poqe bI0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo seek fo criminofe me upon fhe fesfimony of my own friends7
Mr. Jockson sfruck his forefinqer severoI fimes oqoinsf fhe Ieff
side of his nose, fo infimofe fhof he wos nof fhere fo discIose fhe
secrefs of fhe prison house, ond pIoyfuIIy reoined--
Mof knowin, conf soy.
For whof ofher reoson, Sir, pursued Mr. Pickwick, ore fhese
subpoenos served upon fhem, if nof for fhis7
Very qood pIonf, Mr. Pickwick, repIied Jockson, sIowIy
shokinq his heod. 8uf if wonf do. Mo horm in fryinq, buf fheres
IiffIe fo be qof ouf of me.
Here Mr. Jockson smiIed once more upon fhe compony, ond,
oppIyinq his Ieff fhumb fo fhe fip of his nose, worked o visionory
coffee-miII wifh his riqhf hond, fhereby performinq o very
qrocefuI piece of ponfomime (fhen much in voque, buf now,
unhoppiIy, oImosf obsoIefe) which wos fomiIiorIy denominofed
fokinq o qrinder.
Mo, no, Mr. Pickwick, soid Jockson, in concIusion: Perkers
peopIe musf quess whof weve served fhese subpoenos for. If fhey
conf, fhey musf woif fiII fhe ocfion comes on, ond fhen fheyII
find ouf.
Mr. Pickwick besfowed o Iook of excessive disqusf on his
unweIcome visifor, ond wouId probobIy hove hurIed some
fremendous onofhemo of fhe heods of Messrs. Dodson & Foqq,
hod nof Soms enfronce of fhe insfonf inferrupfed him.
SomueI WeIIer7 soid Mr. Jockson, inquirinqIy.
Vun o fhe fruesf fhinqs os youve soid for mony o Ionq yeor,
repIied Som, in o mosf composed monner.
Heres o subpoeno for you, Mr. WeIIer, soid Jockson.
Whofs fhof in EnqIish7 inquired Som.
Poqe bII
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Heres fhe oriqinoI, soid Jockson, decIininq fhe required
expIonofion.
Which7 soid Som.
This, repIied Jockson, shokinq fhe porchmenf.
Oh, fhofs fhe riqnoI, is if7 soid Som. WeII, Im wery qIod
Ive seen fhe riqnoI, cos ifs o qrofifyin sorf o fhinq, ond eoses
vuns mind so much.
And heres fhe shiIIinq, soid Jockson. Ifs from Dodson ond Foqqs.
And ifs uncommon hondsome o Dodson ond Foqq, os knows
so IiffIe of me, fo come down vifh o presenf, soid Som. I feeI if
os o wery hiqh compIimenf, sir: ifs o wery honorobIe fhinq fo
fhem, os fhey knows how fo reword merif werever fhey meefs if.
8esides which, ifs offecfin fo ones feeIins.
As Mr. WeIIer soid fhis, he infIicfed o IiffIe fricfion on his riqhf
eyeIid, wifh fhe sIeeve of his coof, offer fhe mosf opproved
monner of ocfors when fhey ore in domesfic pofhefics.
Mr. Jockson seemed rofher puzzIed by Soms proceedinqs: buf,
os he hod served fhe subpoenos, ond hod nofhinq more fo soy, he
mode o feinf of puffinq on fhe one qIove which he usuoIIy corried
in his hond, for fhe soke of oppeoronces: ond refurned fo fhe
office fo reporf proqress.
Mr. Pickwick sIepf IiffIe fhof niqhf: his memory hod received
o very disoqreeobIe refresher on fhe subecf of Mrs. 8ordeIIs
ocfion. He breokfosfed befimes nexf morninq, ond, desirinq Som
fo occompony him, sef forfh fowords 0roys Inn Squore.
Soml soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq round, when fhey qof fo fhe
end of Cheopside.
Sir7 soid Som, sfeppinq up fo his mosfer.
Which woy7
Poqe bIZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Up Mewqofe Sfreef.
Mr. Pickwick did nof furn round immediofeIy, buf Iooked
voconfIy in Soms foce for o few seconds, ond heoved o deep siqh.
Whofs fhe moffer, sir7 inquired Som.
This ocfion, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, is expecfed fo come on,
on fhe fourfeenfh of nexf monfh.
PemorkobIe coincidence fhof ere, sir, repIied Som.
Why remorkobIe, Som7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
WoIenfines doy, sir, responded Som: reqIor qood doy for o
breoch o promise frioI.
Mr. WeIIers smiIe owokened no qIeom of mirfh in his mosfers
counfenonce. Mr. Pickwick furned obrupfIy round, ond Ied fhe
woy in siIence.
They hod woIked some disfonce, Mr. Pickwick froffinq on
before, pIunqed in profound medifofion, ond Som foIIowinq
behind, wifh o counfenonce expressive of fhe mosf enviobIe ond
eosy defionce of everyfhinq ond everybody, when fhe Ioffer, who
wos oIwoys especioIIy onxious fo imporf fo his mosfer ony
excIusive informofion he possessed, quickened his poce unfiI he
wos cIose of Mr. Pickwicks heeIs: ond, poinfinq up of o house
fhey were possinq, soid--
Wery nice pork-shop fhof ere, sir.
Yes, if seems so, soid Mr. Pickwick.
CeIebrofed sossoqe focfory, soid Som.
Is if7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Is ifl reiferofed Som, wifh some indiqnofion: I shouId royfher
fhink if wos. Why, sir, bIess your innocenf eyebrows, fhofs where
fhe mysferious disoppeoronce of o specfobIe frodesmon fook
Poqe bI3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
pIoce four yeors oqo.
You donf meon fo soy he wos burked, Som7 soid Mr.
Pickwick, Iookinq hosfiIy round.
Mo, I donf indeed, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, I wish I did: for
worse fhon fhof. He wos fhe mosfer o fhof ere shop, sir, ond fhe
inwenfor o fhe pofenf-never-Ieovin-off sossoqe sfeom-inqin, os
ud swoIIer up o povin sfone if you puf if foo neor, ond qrind if
info sossoqes os eosy os if if wos o fender younq bobby. Wery
proud o fhof mochine he wos, os if wos nofroI he shouId be, ond
hed sfond down in fhe ceIIer o-Iookin of if wen if wos in fuII
pIoy, fiII he qof quife meIonchoIy wifh oy. A wery hoppy mon
hed ho been, Sir, in fhe procession o fhof ere inqin ond fwo
more IoveIy hinfonfs besides, if if hodnf been for his wife, who
wos o mosf owdocious wixin. She wos oIwoys o-foIIerin him
obouf, ond dinnin in his eors, fiII of Iosf he couIdnf sfond if no
Ionqer. "III feII you whof if is, my deor," he soys one doy: "if you
persewere in fhis here sorf of omusemenf," he soys, "Im
bIessed if I donf qo owoy fo Merriker: ond fhofs oII obouf if."
"Youre o idIe wiIIin," soys she, "ond I wish fhe Merrikins oy of
fheir borqoin." Arfer which she keeps on obusin of him for hoIf
on hour, ond fhen runs info fhe IiffIe porIour behind fhe shop,
sefs fo o-screomin, soys heII be fhe deofh on her, ond foIIs in o
fif, which Iosfs for fhree qood hours--one o fhem fifs wich is oII
screomin ond kickin. WeII, nexf mornin, fhe husbond wos
missin. He hodnf foken nofhin from fhe fiII--hodnf even puf
on his qreofcoof--so if wos quife cIeor he wornf qone fo Merriker.
Didnf come bock nexf doy: didnf come bock nexf week: missis
hod biIIs prinfed, soyin fhof, if hed come bock, he shouId be
forqiven everyfhin (which wos very IiberoI, seein fhof he hodnf
done nofhin of oII): fhe conoIs wos droqqed, ond for fwo monfhs
orferwords, wenever o body furned up, if wos corried, os o reqIor
fhinq, sfroiqhf off fo fhe sossoqe shop. Howsever, none on em
onswered: so fhey qove ouf fhof hed run owoy, ond she kep on
fhe bisness. One Sofurdoy niqhf, o IiffIe, fhin, oId qenImn
comes info fhe shop in o qreof possion ond soys, "Are you fhe
missis o fhis here shop7" "Yes, I om," soys she. "WeII, moom,"
soys he, "fhen Ive usf Iooked in fo soy fhof me ond my fomiIy
oinf o-qoin fo be choked for nofhin: ond more fhon fhof,
Poqe bI4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
moom," he soys, "youII oIIow me fo observe fhof os you donf
use fhe primesf porfs of fhe meof in fhe monofocfer o sossoqes,
Id fhink youd find beef come neorIy os cheop os buffons." "As
buffons, Sirl" soys she. "8uffons, moom," soys fhe IiffIe, oId
qenfIemon, unfoIdinq o bif of poper, ond showin fwenfy or
fhirfy hoIves o buffons. "Mice seosonin for sossoqes, is frousers
buffons, moom." "Theyre my husbonds buffonsl" soys fhe
widder beqinnin fo foinf, "Whofl" screoms fhe IiffIe oId
qenImn, furnin wery poIe. "I see if oII," soys fhe widder: "in o
fif of femporory insonify he roshIy converfed hisseIf info
sossoqesl" And so he hod, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, Iookinq sfeodiIy
info Mr. Pickwicks horror-sfricken counfenonce, or eIse hed
been drowd info fhe inqin: buf however fhof miqhf ho been, fhe
IiffIe, oId qenImn, who hod been remorkobIy porfioI fo sossoqes
oII his Iife, rushed ouf o fhe shop in o wiId sfofe, ond wos never
heerd on orferwordsl
The reIofion of fhis offecfinq incidenf of privofe Iife brouqhf
mosfer ond mon fo Mr. Perkers chombers. Lowfen, hoIdinq fhe
door hoIf open, wos in conversofion wifh o rusfiIy-cIod, miserobIe-
Iookinq mon, in boofs wifhouf foes ond qIoves wifhouf finqers.
There were froces of privofion ond sufferinq--oImosf of despoir
--in his Ionk ond core-worn counfenonce: he feIf his poverfy, for
he shronk fo fhe dork side of fhe sfoircose os Mr. Pickwick opprooched.
Ifs very unforfunofe, soid fhe sfronqer, wifh o siqh.
Very, soid Lowfen, scribbIinq his nome on fhe doorposf wifh
his pen, ond rubbinq if ouf oqoin wifh fhe feofher. WiII you
Ieove o messoqe for him7
When do you fhink heII be bock7 inquired fhe sfronqer.
Cuife uncerfoin, repIied Lowfen, winkinq of Mr. Pickwick, os
fhe sfronqer cosf his eyes fowords fhe qround.
You donf fhink if wouId be of ony use my woifinq for him7
soid fhe sfronqer, Iookinq wisffuIIy info fhe office.
Oh, no, Im sure if wouIdnf, repIied fhe cIerk, movinq o IiffIe
Poqe bIb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
more info fhe cenfre of fhe doorwoy. Hes cerfoin nof fo be bock
fhis week, ond ifs o chonce whefher he wiII be nexf: for when
Perker once qefs ouf of fown, hes never in o hurry fo come bock oqoin.
Ouf of fownl soid Mr. Pickwick: deor me, how unforfunofel
Donf qo owoy, Mr. Pickwick, soid Lowfen, Ive qof o Ieffer
for you. The sfronqer, seeminq fo hesifofe, once more Iooked
fowords fhe qround, ond fhe cIerk winked sIyIy of Mr. PickwiCI,
os if fo infimofe fhof some exquisife piece of humour wos qoinq
forword, fhouqh whof if wos Mr. Pickwick couId nof for fhe Iife
of him divine.
Sfep in, Mr. Pickwick, soid Lowfen. WeII, wiII you Ieove o
messoqe, Mr. Woffy, or wiII you coII oqoin7
Ask him fo be so kind os fo Ieove ouf word whof hos been done
in my business, soid fhe mon: for 0ods soke donf neqIecf if,
Mr. Lowfen.
Mo, no: I wonf forqef if, repIied fhe cIerk. WoIk in, Mr.
Pickwick. 0ood-morninq, Mr. Woffy: ifs o fine doy for woIkinq,
isnf if7 Seeinq fhof fhe sfronqer sfiII Iinqered, he beckoned Som
WeIIer fo foIIow his mosfer in, ond shuf fhe door in his foce.
There never wos such o pesferinq bonkrupf os fhof since fhe
worId beqon, I do beIievel soid Lowfen, fhrowinq down his pen
wifh fhe oir of on inured mon. His offoirs hovenf been in
Choncery quife four yeors yef, ond Im d--d if he donf come
worryinq here fwice o week. Sfep fhis woy, Mr. Pickwick. Perker
IS in, ond heII see you, I know. DeviIish coId, he odded peffishIy,
sfondinq of fhof door, wosfinq ones fime wifh such seedy
voqobondsl Hovinq very vehemenfIy sfirred o porficuIorIy Iorqe
fire wifh o porficuIorIy smoII poker, fhe cIerk Ied fhe woy fo his
principoIs privofe room, ond onnounced Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, my deor Sir, soid IiffIe Mr. Perker, busfIinq up from his
choir. WeII, my deor sir, ond whofs fhe news obouf your moffer,
eh7 Anyfhinq more obouf our friends in Freemons Courf7
Theyve nof been sIeepinq, I know fhof. Ah, fheyre very smorf
feIIows: very smorf, indeed.
Poqe bIo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
As fhe IiffIe mon concIuded, he fook on emphofic pinch of
snuff, os o fribufe fo fhe smorfness of Messrs. Dodson ond Foqq.
They ore qreof scoundreIs, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Aye, oye, soid fhe IiffIe mon: fhofs o moffer of opinion, you
know, ond we wonf dispufe obouf ferms: becouse of course you
conf be expecfed fo view fhese subecfs wifh o professionoI eye.
WeII, weve done everyfhinq fhofs necessory. I hove refoined
Sereonf Snubbin.
Is he o qood mon7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
0ood monl repIied Perker: bIess your heorf ond souI, my
deor Sir, Sereonf Snubbin is of fhe very fop of his profession.
0efs frebIe fhe business of ony mon in courf--enqoqed in every
cose. You neednf menfion if obrood: buf we soy--we of fhe
profession--fhof Sereonf Snubbin Ieods fhe courf by fhe nose.
The IiffIe mon fook onofher pinch of snuff os he mode fhis
communicofion, ond nodded mysferiousIy fo Mr. Pickwick.
They hove subpoenoed my fhree friends, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ahl of course fhey wouId, repIied Perker. Imporfonf
wifnesses: sow you in o deIicofe sifuofion.
8uf she foinfed of her own occord, soid Mr. Pickwick. She
fhrew herseIf info my orms.
Very IikeIy, my deor Sir, repIied Perker: very IikeIy ond very
nofuroI. Mofhinq more so, my deor Sir, nofhinq. 8uf whos fo
prove if7
They hove subpoenoed my servonf, foo, soid Mr. Pickwick,
quiffinq fhe ofher poinf: for fhere Mr. Perkers quesfion hod
somewhof sfoqqered him.
Som7 soid Perker.
Poqe bI7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick repIied in fhe offirmofive.
Of course, my deor Sir: of course. I knew fhey wouId. I couId
hove foId you fhof, o monfh oqo. You know, my deor Sir, if you
WILL foke fhe monoqemenf of your offoirs info your own honds
offer enfrusfinq fhem fo your soIicifor, you musf oIso foke fhe
consequences. Here Mr. Perker drew himseIf up wifh conscious
diqnify, ond brushed some sfroy qroins of snuff from his shirf friII.
And whof do fhey wonf him fo prove7 osked Mr. Pickwick,
offer fwo or fhree minufes siIence.
Thof you senf him up fo fhe pIoinfiff s fo moke some offer of
o compromise, I suppose, repIied Perker. If donf moffer much,
fhouqh: I donf fhink mony counseI couId qef o qreof deoI ouf
of HIM.
I donf fhink fhey couId, soid Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq, despife
his vexofion, of fhe ideo of Soms oppeoronce os o wifness. Whof
course do we pursue7
We hove onIy one fo odopf, my deor Sir, repIied Perker:
cross-exomine fhe wifnesses: frusf fo Snubbins eIoquence:
fhrow dusf in fhe eyes of fhe udqe: fhrow ourseIves on fhe ury.
And suppose fhe verdicf is oqoinsf me7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Perker smiIed, fook o very Ionq pinch of snuff, sfirred fhe
fire, shruqqed his shouIders, ond remoined expressiveIy siIenf.
You meon fhof in fhof cose I musf poy fhe domoqes7 soid
Mr. Pickwick, who hod wofched fhis feIeqrophic onswer wifh
considerobIe sfernness.
Perker qove fhe fire onofher very unnecessory poke, ond soid,
I om ofroid so.
Then I beq fo onnounce fo you my unoIferobIe deferminofion
fo poy no domoqes whofever, soid Mr. Pickwick, mosf
Poqe bI8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
emphoficoIIy. Mone, Perker. Mof o pound, nof o penny of my
money, shoII find ifs woy info fhe pockefs of Dodson ond Foqq.
Thof is my deIiberofe ond irrevocobIe deferminofion. Mr. Pickwick
qove o heovy bIow on fhe fobIe before him, in confirmofion
of fhe irrevocobiIify of his infenfion.
Very weII, my deor Sir, very weII, soid Perker. You know besf,
of course.
Of course, repIied Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy. Where does Sereonf
Snubbin Iive7
In LincoIns Inn OId Squore, repIied Perker.
I shouId Iike fo see him, soid Mr. Pickwick.
See Sereonf Snubbin, my deor Sirl reoined Perker, in uffer
omozemenf. Pooh, pooh, my deor Sir, impossibIe. See Sereonf
Snubbinl 8Iess you, my deor Sir, such o fhinq wos never heord of,
wifhouf o consuIfofion fee beinq previousIy poid, ond o consuIfofion
fixed. If couIdnf be done, my deor Sir: if couIdnf be done.
Mr. Pickwick, however, hod mode up his mind nof onIy fhof
if couId be done, buf fhof if shouId be done: ond fhe consequence
wos, fhof wifhin fen minufes offer he hod received fhe ossuronce
fhof fhe fhinq wos impossibIe, he wos conducfed by his soIicifor
info fhe oufer office of fhe qreof Sereonf Snubbin himseIf.
If wos on uncorpefed room of foIerobIe dimensions, wifh o
Iorqe wrifinq-fobIe drown up neor fhe fire, fhe boize fop of which
hod Ionq since Iosf oII cIoim fo ifs oriqinoI hue of qreen, ond hod
qroduoIIy qrown qroy wifh dusf ond oqe, excepf where oII froces
of ifs nofuroI coIour were obIiferofed by ink-sfoins. Upon fhe
fobIe were numerous IiffIe bundIes of popers fied wifh red fope:
ond behind if, sof on eIderIy cIerk, whose sIeek oppeoronce ond
heovy qoId wofch-choin presenfed imposinq indicofions of fhe
exfensive ond Iucrofive procfice of Mr. Sereonf Snubbin.
Is fhe Sereonf in his room, Mr. MoIIord7 inquired Perker,
offerinq his box wifh oII imoqinobIe courfesy.
Poqe bI9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Yes, he is, wos fhe repIy, buf hes very busy. Look here: nof
on opinion qiven yef, on ony one of fhese coses: ond on expedifion
fee poid wifh oII of em. The cIerk smiIed os he soid fhis, ond
inhoIed fhe pinch of snuff wifh o zesf which seemed fo be compounded
of o fondness for snuff ond o reIish for fees.
Somefhinq Iike procfice fhof, soid Perker.
Yes, soid fhe borrisfers cIerk, producinq his own box, ond
offerinq if wifh fhe qreofesf cordioIify: ond fhe besf of if is, fhof
os nobody oIive excepf myseIf con reod fhe sereonfs wrifinq,
fhey ore obIiqed fo woif for fhe opinions, when he hos qiven
fhem, fiII I hove copied em, ho-ho-hol
Which mokes qood for we know who, besides fhe sereonf,
ond drows o IiffIe more ouf of fhe cIienfs, eh7 soid Perker: ho,
ho, hol Af fhis fhe sereonfs cIerk Iouqhed oqoin--nof o noisy
boisferous Iouqh, buf o siIenf, infernoI chuckIe, which Mr. Pickwick
disIiked fo heor. When o mon bIeeds inwordIy, if is o donqerous
fhinq for himseIf: buf when he Iouqhs inwordIy, if bodes no
qood fo ofher peopIe.
You hovenf mode me ouf fhof IiffIe Iisf of fhe fees fhof Im in
your debf, hove you7 soid Perker.
Mo, I hove nof, repIied fhe cIerk.
I wish you wouId, soid Perker. Lef me hove fhem, ond III
send you o cheque. 8uf I suppose youre foo busy pockefinq fhe
reody money, fo fhink of fhe debfors, eh7 ho, ho, hol This soIIy
seemed fo fickIe fhe cIerk omozinqIy, ond he once more enoyed
o IiffIe quief Iouqh fo himseIf.
8uf, Mr. MoIIord, my deor friend, soid Perker, suddenIy
recoverinq his qrovify, ond drowinq fhe qreof mons qreof mon
info o Corner, by fhe IoppeI of his coof: you musf persuode fhe
Sereonf fo see me, ond my cIienf here.
Come, come, soid fhe cIerk, fhofs nof bod eifher. See fhe
Sereonfl come, fhofs foo obsurd. Mofwifhsfondinq fhe obsurdify
Poqe bZ0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of fhe proposoI, however, fhe cIerk oIIowed himseIf fo be
qenfIy drown beyond fhe heorinq of Mr. Pickwick: ond offer o
shorf conversofion conducfed in whispers, woIked soffIy down o
IiffIe dork possoqe, ond disoppeored info fhe IeqoI Iuminorys
soncfum, whence he shorfIy refurned on fipfoe, ond informed
Mr. Perker ond Mr. Pickwick fhof fhe Sereonf hod been prevoiIed
upon, in vioIofion of oII esfobIished ruIes ond cusfoms, fo odmif
fhem of once.
Mr. Sereonf Snubbins wos o Ionfern-foced, soIIow-compIexioned
mon, of obouf five-ond-forfy, or--os fhe noveIs soy--
he miqhf be fiffy. He hod fhof duII-Iookinq, boiIed eye which is
offen fo be seen in fhe heods of peopIe who hove oppIied fhemseIves
durinq mony yeors fo o weory ond Ioborious course of
sfudy: ond which wouId hove been sufficienf, wifhouf fhe oddifionoI
eyeqIoss which donqIed from o brood bIock ribond round
his neck, fo worn o sfronqer fhof he wos very neor-siqhfed. His
hoir wos fhin ond weok, which wos porfIy offribufobIe fo his
hovinq never devofed much fime fo ifs orronqemenf, ond porfIy fo
his hovinq worn for five-ond-fwenfy yeors fhe forensic wiq which
hunq on o bIock beside him. The morks of hoirpowder on his
coof-coIIor, ond fhe iII-woshed ond worse fied whife neckerchief
round his fhroof, showed fhof he hod nof found Ieisure since he
Ieff fhe courf fo moke ony oIferofion in his dress: whiIe fhe
sIovenIy sfyIe of fhe remoinder of his cosfume worronfed fhe
inference fhof his personoI oppeoronce wouId nof hove been very
much improved if he hod. 8ooks of procfice, heops of popers,
ond opened Ieffers, were scoffered over fhe fobIe, wifhouf ony
offempf of order or orronqemenf: fhe furnifure of fhe room wos
oId ond rickefy: fhe doors of fhe book-cose were roffinq in fheir
hinqes: fhe dusf fIew ouf from fhe corpef in IiffIe cIouds of every
sfep: fhe bIinds were yeIIow wifh oqe ond dirf: fhe sfofe of
everyfhinq in fhe room showed, wifh o cIeorness nof fo be
misfoken, fhof Mr. Sereonf Snubbin wos for foo much occupied
wifh his professionoI pursuifs fo foke ony qreof heed or reqord of
his personoI comforfs.
The Sereonf wos wrifinq when his cIienfs enfered: he bowed
obsfrocfedIy when Mr. Pickwick wos infroduced by his soIicifor:
ond fhen, mofioninq fhem fo o seof, puf his pen corefuIIy in fhe
Poqe bZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
inksfond, nursed his Ieff Ieq, ond woifed fo be spoken fo.
Mr. Pickwick is fhe defendonf in 8ordeII ond Pickwick,
Sereonf Snubbin, soid Perker.
I om refoined in fhof, om I7 soid fhe Sereonf.
You ore, Sir, repIied Perker.
The Sereonf nodded his heod, ond woifed for somefhinq eIse.
Mr. Pickwick wos onxious fo coII upon you, Sereonf
Snubbin, soid Perker, fo sfofe fo you, before you enfered upon
fhe cose, fhof he denies fhere beinq ony qround or prefence
whofever for fhe ocfion oqoinsf him: ond fhof unIess he come info
courf wifh cIeon honds, ond wifhouf fhe mosf conscienfious
convicfion fhof he wos riqhf in resisfinq fhe pIoinfiffs demond,
he wouId nof be fhere of oII. I beIieve I sfofe your views correcfIy:
do I nof, my deor Sir7 soid fhe IiffIe mon, furninq fo Mr. Pickwick.
Cuife so, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
Mr. Sereonf Snubbin unfoIded his qIosses, roised fhem fo his
eyes: ond, offer Iookinq of Mr. Pickwick for o few seconds wifh
qreof curiosify, furned fo Mr. Perker, ond soid, smiIinq sIiqhfIy
os he spoke--
Hos Mr. Pickwick o sfronq cose7
The offorney shruqqed his shouIders.
Do you propose coIIinq wifnesses7
Mo.
The smiIe on fhe Sereonfs counfenonce become more defined:
he rocked his Ieq wifh increosed vioIence: ond, fhrowinq himseIf
bock in his eosy-choir, couqhed dubiousIy.
These fokens of fhe Sereonfs presenfimenfs on fhe subecf,
sIiqhf os fhey were, were nof Iosf on Mr. Pickwick. He seffIed fhe
Poqe bZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
specfocIes, fhrouqh which he hod offenfiveIy reqorded such
demonsfrofions of fhe borrisfers feeIinqs os he hod permiffed
himseIf fo exhibif, more firmIy on his nose: ond soid wifh qreof
enerqy, ond in uffer disreqord of oII Mr. Perkers odmonifory
winkinqs ond frowninqs--
My wishinq fo woif upon you, for such o purpose os fhis, Sir,
oppeors, I hove no doubf, fo o qenfIemon who sees so much of
fhese moffers os you musf necessoriIy do, o very exfroordinory
circumsfonce.
The Sereonf fried fo Iook qroveIy of fhe fire, buf fhe smiIe
come bock oqoin.
0enfIemen of your profession, Sir, confinued Mr. Pickwick,
see fhe worsf side of humon nofure. AII ifs dispufes, oII ifs iII-wiII
ond bod bIood, rise up before you. You know from your
experience of uries (I meon no disporoqemenf fo you, or fhem) how
much depends upon effecf: ond you ore opf fo offribufe fo ofhers,
o desire fo use, for purposes of decepfion ond SeIf-inferesf, fhe
very insfrumenfs which you, in pure honesfy ond honour of
purpose, ond wifh o IoudobIe desire fo do your ufmosf for your
cIienf, know fhe femper ond worfh of so weII, from consfonfIy
empIoyinq fhem yourseIves. I reoIIy beIieve fhof fo fhis circumsfonce
moy be offribufed fhe vuIqor buf very qeneroI nofion of
your beinq, os o body, suspicious, disfrusffuI, ond over-coufious.
Conscious os I om, sir, of fhe disodvonfoqe of mokinq such o
decIorofion fo you, under such circumsfonces, I hove come here,
becouse I wish you disfincfIy fo undersfond, os my friend
Mr. Perker hos soid, fhof I om innocenf of fhe foIsehood Ioid fo
my chorqe: ond oIfhouqh I om very weII owore of fhe inesfimobIe
voIue of your ossisfonce, Sir, I musf beq fo odd, fhof unIess you
sincereIy beIieve fhis, I wouId rofher be deprived of fhe oid of
your foIenfs fhon hove fhe odvonfoqe of fhem.
Lonq before fhe cIose of fhis oddress, which we ore bound fo
soy wos of o very prosy chorocfer for Mr. Pickwick, fhe Sereonf
hod reIopsed info o sfofe of obsfrocfion. Affer some minufes,
however, durinq which he hod reossumed his pen, he oppeored fo
be oqoin owore of fhe presence of his cIienfs: roisinq his heod
Poqe bZ3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
from fhe poper, he soid, rofher snoppishIy--
Who is wifh me in fhis cose7
Mr. Phunky, Sereonf Snubbin, repIied fhe offorney.
Phunky--Phunky, soid fhe Sereonf, I never heord fhe nome
before. He musf be o very younq mon.
Yes, he is o very younq mon, repIied fhe offorney. He wos
onIy coIIed fhe ofher doy. Lef me see--he hos nof been of fhe 8or
eiqhf yeors yef.
Ah, I fhouqhf nof, soid fhe Sereonf, in fhof sorf of pifyinq
fone in which ordinory foIks wouId speok of o very heIpIess IiffIe
chiId. Mr. MoIIord, send round fo Mr.--Mr.-- Phunkys--
HoIborn Courf, 0roys Inn, inferposed Perker. (HoIborn Courf,
by fhe bye, is Soufh Squore now.) Mr. Phunky, ond soy I shouId
be qIod if hed sfep here, o momenf.
Mr. MoIIord deporfed fo execufe his commission: ond Sereonf
Snubbin reIopsed info obsfrocfion unfiI Mr. Phunky himseIf wos
infroduced.
AIfhouqh on infonf borrisfer, he wos o fuII-qrown mon. He hod
o very nervous monner, ond o poinfuI hesifofion in his speech: if
did nof oppeor fo be o nofuroI defecf, buf seemed rofher fhe
resuIf of fimidify, orisinq from fhe consciousness of beinq kepf
down by wonf of meons, or inferesf, or connecfion, or impudence,
os fhe cose miqhf be. He wos overowed by fhe Sereonf, ond
profoundIy courfeous fo fhe offorney.
I hove nof hod fhe pIeosure of seeinq you before, Mr. Phunky,
soid Sereonf Snubbin, wifh houqhfy condescension.
Mr. Phunky bowed. He HAD hod fhe pIeosure of seeinq fhe
Sereonf, ond of envyinq him foo, wifh oII o poor mons envy, for
eiqhf yeors ond o quorfer.
You ore wifh me in fhis cose, I undersfond7 soid fhe Sereonf.
Poqe bZ4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If Mr. Phunky hod been o rich mon, he wouId hove insfonfIy
senf for his cIerk fo remind him: if he hod been o wise one, he
wouId hove oppIied his forefinqer fo his foreheod, ond
endeovoured fo recoIIecf, whefher, in fhe muIfipIicify of his
enqoqemenfs, he hod underfoken fhis one or nof: buf os he wos neifher
rich nor wise (in fhis sense, of oII evenfs) he furned red, ond bowed.
Hove you reod fhe popers, Mr. Phunky7 inquired fhe Sereonf.
Here oqoin, Mr. Phunky shouId hove professed fo hove
forqoffen oII obouf fhe merifs of fhe cose: buf os he hod reod such
popers os hod been Ioid before him in fhe course of fhe ocfion, ond
hod fhouqhf of nofhinq eIse, wokinq or sIeepinq, fhrouqhouf fhe
fwo monfhs durinq which he hod been refoined os Mr. Sereonf
Snubbins unior, he furned o deeper red ond bowed oqoin.
This is Mr. Pickwick, soid fhe Sereonf, wovinq his pen in fhe
direcfion in which fhof qenfIemon wos sfondinq.
Mr. Phunky bowed fo Mr. Pickwick, wifh o reverence which o
firsf cIienf musf ever owoken: ond oqoin incIined his heod fowords
his Ieoder.
Perhops you wiII foke Mr. Pickwick owoy, soid fhe Sereonf,
ond--ond--ond--heor onyfhinq Mr. Pickwick moy wish fo
communicofe. We shoII hove o consuIfofion, of course. Wifh
fhof hinf fhof he hod been inferrupfed quife Ionq enouqh, Mr.
Sereonf Snubbin, who hod been qroduoIIy qrowinq more ond
more obsfrocfed, oppIied his qIoss fo his eyes for on insfonf,
bowed sIiqhfIy round, ond wos once more deepIy immersed in fhe
cose before him, which orose ouf of on inferminobIe Iowsuif,
oriqinofinq in fhe ocf of on individuoI, deceosed o cenfury or so
oqo, who hod sfopped up o pofhwoy Ieodinq from some pIoce
which nobody ever come from, fo some ofher pIoce which
nobody ever wenf fo.
Mr. Phunky wouId nof heor of possinq fhrouqh ony door unfiI
Mr. Pickwick ond his soIicifor hod possed fhrouqh before him, so
if wos some fime before fhey qof info fhe Squore: ond when fhey
Poqe bZb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
did reoch if, fhey woIked up ond down, ond heId o Ionq conference,
fhe resuIf of which wos, fhof if wos o very difficuIf moffer
fo soy how fhe verdicf wouId qo: fhof nobody couId presume fo
coIcuIofe on fhe issue of on ocfion: fhof if wos very Iucky fhey hod
prevenfed fhe ofher porfy from qeffinq Sereonf Snubbin: ond
ofher fopics of doubf ond consoIofion, common in such o posifion
of offoirs.
Mr. WeIIer wos fhen roused by his mosfer from o sweef sIeep of
on hours durofion: ond, biddinq odieu fo Lowfen, fhey refurned
fo fhe cify.
CHAPTEP XXXII
DESCPI8ES, FAP MOPE FULLY THAM THE COUPT MEWSMAM
EVEP DID, A 8ACHELOPS PAPTY, 0IVEM 8Y Mr.
8O8 SAWYEP AT HIS LOD0IM0S IM THE 8OPOU0H
There is o repose obouf Lonf Sfreef, in fhe 8orouqh, which
sheds o qenfIe meIonchoIy upon fhe souI. There ore oIwoys o
qood mony houses fo Ief in fhe sfreef: if is o by-sfreef foo,
ond ifs duIness is soofhinq. A house in Lonf Sfreef wouId
nof come wifhin fhe denominofion of o firsf-rofe residence,
in fhe sfricf occepfofion of fhe ferm: buf if is o mosf desirobIe
spof neverfheIess. If o mon wished fo obsfrocf himseIf from fhe
worId--fo remove himseIf from wifhin fhe reoch of fempfofion--
fo pIoce himseIf beyond fhe possibiIify of ony inducemenf fo Iook
ouf of fhe window--we shouId recommend him by oII meons qo
fo Lonf Sfreef.
In fhis hoppy refreof ore coIonised o few cIeor-sforchers, o
sprinkIinq of ourneymen bookbinders, one or fwo prison oqenfs
for fhe InsoIvenf Courf, severoI smoII housekeepers who ore
empIoyed in fhe Docks, o hondfuI of monfuo-mokers, ond o
seosoninq of obbinq foiIors. The moorify of fhe inhobifonfs
eifher direcf fheir enerqies fo fhe Ieffinq of furnished oporfmenfs,
or devofe fhemseIves fo fhe heoIfhfuI ond inviqorofinq pursuif of
monqIinq. The chief feofures in fhe sfiII Iife of fhe sfreef ore
Poqe bZo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qreen shuffers, Iodqinq-biIIs, bross door-pIofes, ond beII-hondIes:
fhe principoI specimens of onimofed nofure, fhe pof-boy, fhe
muffin youfh, ond fhe boked-pofofo mon. The popuIofion is
miqrofory, usuoIIy disoppeorinq on fhe verqe of quorfer-doy, ond
qeneroIIy by niqhf. His Moesfys revenues ore seIdom coIIecfed
in fhis hoppy voIIey: fhe renfs ore dubious: ond fhe wofer
communicofion is very frequenfIy cuf off.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer embeIIished one side of fhe fire, in his firsf-
fIoor fronf, eorIy on fhe eveninq for which he hod invifed Mr.
Pickwick, ond Mr. 8en AIIen fhe ofher. The preporofions for fhe
recepfion of visifors oppeored fo be compIefed. The umbreIIos in
fhe possoqe hod been heoped info fhe IiffIe corner oufside fhe
bock-porIour door: fhe bonnef ond showI of fhe IondIodys
servonf hod been removed from fhe bonnisfers: fhere were nof
more fhon fwo poirs of poffens on fhe sfreef-door mof: ond o
kifchen condIe, wifh o very Ionq snuff, burned cheerfuIIy on fhe
Iedqe of fhe sfoircose window. Mr. 8ob Sowyer hod himseIf
purchosed fhe spirifs of o wine vouIfs in Hiqh Sfreef, ond hod
refurned home precedinq fhe beorer fhereof, fo precIude fhe
possibiIify of fheir deIivery of fhe wronq house. The punch wos
reody-mode in o red pon in fhe bedroom: o IiffIe fobIe, covered
wifh o qreen boize cIofh, hod been borrowed from fhe porIour,
fo pIoy of cords on: ond fhe qIosses of fhe esfobIishmenf, foqefher
wifh fhose which hod been borrowed for fhe occosion from fhe
pubIic-house, were oII drown up in o froy, which wos deposifed
on fhe Iondinq oufside fhe door.
Mofwifhsfondinq fhe hiqhIy sofisfocfory nofure of oII fhese
orronqemenfs, fhere wos o cIoud on fhe counfenonce of Mr. 8ob
Sowyer, os he sof by fhe fireside. There wos o sympofhisinq
expression, foo, in fhe feofures of Mr. 8en AIIen, os he qozed
infenfIy on fhe cooIs, ond o fone of meIonchoIy in his voice, os he
soid, offer o Ionq siIence--
WeII, if is unIucky she shouId hove foken if in her heod fo furn
sour, usf on fhis occosion. She miqhf of Ieosf hove woifed
fiII fo-morrow.
Thofs her moIevoIence--fhofs her moIevoIence, refurned
Mr. 8ob Sowyer vehemenfIy. She soys fhof if I con offord fo qive
Poqe bZ7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
o porfy I ouqhf fo be obIe fo poy her confounded "IiffIe biII."
How Ionq hos if been runninq7 inquired Mr. 8en AIIen. A
biII, by fhe bye, is fhe mosf exfroordinory Iocomofive enqine fhof
fhe qenius of mon ever produced. If wouId keep on runninq
durinq fhe Ionqesf Iifefime, wifhouf ever once sfoppinq of ifs
own occord.
OnIy o quorfer, ond o monfh or so, repIied Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
8en AIIen couqhed hopeIessIy, ond direcfed o seorchinq Iook
befween fhe fwo fop bors of fhe sfove.
IfII be o deuced unpIeosonf fhinq if she fokes if info her heod
fo Ief ouf, when fhose feIIows ore here, wonf if7 soid Mr. 8en
AIIen of Ienqfh.
HorribIe, repIied 8ob Sowyer, horribIe.
A Iow fop wos heord of fhe room door. Mr. 8ob Sowyer
Iooked expressiveIy of his friend, ond bode fhe fopper come in:
whereupon o dirfy, sIipshod qirI in bIock coffon sfockinqs, who
miqhf hove possed for fhe neqIecfed douqhfer of o superonnuofed
dusfmon in very reduced circumsfonces, fhrusf in her heod, ond soid--
PIeose, Misfer Sowyer, Missis PoddIe wonfs fo speok fo you.
8efore Mr. 8ob Sowyer couId refurn ony onswer, fhe qirI
suddenIy disoppeored wifh o erk, os if somebody hod qiven her
o vioIenf puII behind: fhis mysferious exif wos no sooner
occompIished, fhon fhere wos onofher fop of fhe door--o smorf,
poinfed fop, which seemed fo soy, Here I om, ond in Im cominq.
Mr, 8ob Sowyer qIonced of his friend wifh o Iook of obecf
opprehension, ond once more cried, Come in.
The permission wos nof of oII necessory, for, before Mr. 8ob
Sowyer hod uffered fhe words, o IiffIe, fierce womon bounced
info fhe room, oII in o frembIe wifh possion, ond poIe wifh roqe.
Mow, Mr. Sowyer, soid fhe IiffIe, fierce womon, fryinq fo
oppeor very coIm, if youII hove fhe kindness fo seffIe fhof IiffIe
Poqe bZ8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
biII of mine III fhonk you, becouse Ive qof my renf fo poy fhis
offernoon, ond my IondIords o-woifinq beIow now. Here fhe
IiffIe womon rubbed her honds, ond Iooked sfeodiIy over Mr. 8ob
Sowyers heod, of fhe woII behind him.
I om very sorry fo puf you fo ony inconvenience, Mrs. PoddIe,
soid 8ob Sowyer deferenfioIIy, buf--
Oh, if isnf ony inconvenience, repIied fhe IiffIe womon, wifh
o shriII fiffer. I didnf wonf if porficuIor before fo-doy: Ieosfwoys,
os if hos fo qo fo my IondIord direcfIy, if wos os weII for you fo
keep if os me. You promised me fhis offernoon, Mr. Sowyer, ond
every qenfIemon os hos ever Iived here, hos kepf his word, Sir,
os of course onybody os coIIs himseIf o qenfIemon does.
Mrs. PoddIe fossed her heod, bif her Iips, rubbed her honds
horder, ond Iooked of fhe woII more sfeodiIy fhon ever. If wos
pIoin fo see, os Mr. 8ob Sowyer remorked in o sfyIe of Eosfern
oIIeqory on o subsequenf occosion, fhof she wos qeffinq fhe
sfeom up.
I om very sorry, Mrs. PoddIe, soid 8ob Sowyer, wifh oII
imoqinobIe humiIify, buf fhe focf is, fhof I hove been disoppoinfed
in fhe Cify fo-doy.--Exfroordinory pIoce fhof Cify. An osfonishinq
number of men oIwoys APE qeffinq disoppoinfed fhere.
WeII, Mr. Sowyer, soid Mrs. PoddIe, pIonfinq herseIf firmIy
on o purpIe couIifIower in fhe Iidderminsfer corpef, ond whofs
fhof fo me, Sir7
I--I--hove no doubf, Mrs. PoddIe, soid 8ob Sowyer, bIinkinq
fhis Iosf quesfion, fhof before fhe middIe of nexf week we shoII
be obIe fo sef ourseIves quife squore, ond qo on, on o beffer
sysfem, offerwords.
This wos oII Mrs. PoddIe wonfed. She hod busfIed up fo
fhe oporfmenf of fhe unIucky 8ob Sowyer, so benf upon qoinq
info o possion, fhof, in oII probobiIify, poymenf wouId hove
rofher disoppoinfed her fhon ofherwise. She wos in exceIIenf
order for o IiffIe reIoxofion of fhe kind, hovinq usf exchonqed
o few infroducfory compIimenfs wifh Mr. P. in fhe fronf kifchen.
Poqe bZ9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Do you suppose, Mr. Sowyer, soid Mrs. PoddIe, eIevofinq her
voice for fhe informofion of fhe neiqhbours--do you suppose
fhof Im o-qoinq doy offer doy fo Ief o feIIor occupy my Iodqinqs
os never fhinks of poyinq his renf, nor even fhe very money Ioid
ouf for fhe fresh buffer ond Iump suqor fhofs bouqhf for his
breokfosf, ond fhe very miIk fhofs fook in, of fhe sfreef door7
Do you suppose o hord-workinq ond indusfrious womon os hos
Iived in fhis sfreef for fwenfy yeor (fen yeor over fhe woy, ond
nine yeor ond fhree-quorfers in fhis very house) hos nofhinq eIse
fo do buf fo work herseIf fo deofh offer o porceI of Iozy idIe
feIIors, fhof ore oIwoys smokinq ond drinkinq, ond Iounqinq,
when fhey ouqhf fo be qIod fo furn fheir honds fo onyfhinq fhof
wouId heIp em fo poy fheir biIIs7 Do you--
My qood souI, inferposed Mr. 8enomin AIIen soofhinqIy.
Hove fhe qoodness fo keep your observoshuns fo yourseIf, Sir,
I beq, soid Mrs. PoddIe, suddenIy orresfinq fhe ropid forrenf of
her speech, ond oddressinq fhe fhird porfy wifh impressive sIowness
ond soIemnify. I om nof oweer, Sir, fhof you hove ony riqhf
fo oddress your conversofion fo me. I donf fhink I Ief fhese
oporfmenfs fo you, Sir.
Mo, you cerfoinIy did nof, soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
Very qood, Sir, responded Mrs. PoddIe, wifh Ioffy poIifeness.
Then props, Sir, youII confine yourseIf fo breokinq fhe orms ond
Ieqs of fhe poor peopIe in fhe hospifoIs, ond keep yourseIf TO
yourseIf, Sir, or fhere moy be some persons here os wiII moke
you, Sir.
8uf you ore such on unreosonobIe womon, remonsfrofed
Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
I beq your pordinq, younq mon, soid Mrs. PoddIe, in o coId
perspirofion of onqer. 8uf wiII you hove fhe qoodness usf fo coII
me fhof oqoin, sir7
I didnf moke use of fhe word in ony invidious sense, moom,
Poqe b30
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
repIied Mr. 8enomin AIIen, qrowinq somewhof uneosy on his
own occounf.
I beq your pordinq, younq mon, demonded Mrs. PoddIe, in o
Iouder ond more imperofive fone. 8uf who do you coII o womon7
Did you moke fhof remork fo me, sir7
Why, bIess my heorfl soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
Did you oppIy fhof nome fo me, I osk of you, sir7 inferrupfed
Mrs. PoddIe, wifh infense fierceness, fhrowinq fhe door wide open.
Why, of course I did, repIied Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
Yes, of course you did, soid Mrs. PoddIe, bockinq qroduoIIy
fo fhe door, ond roisinq her voice fo ifs Ioudesf pifch, for fhe
specioI behoof of Mr. PoddIe in fhe kifchen. Yes, of course you
didl And everybody knows fhof fhey moy sofeIy insuIf me in my
own ouse whiIe my husbond sifs sIeepinq downsfoirs, ond fokinq
no more nofice fhon if I wos o doq in fhe sfreefs. He ouqhf fo be
oshomed of himseIf (here Mrs. PoddIe sobbed) fo oIIow his wife
fo be freofed in fhis woy by o porceI of younq cuffers ond corvers
of Iive peopIes bodies, fhof disqroces fhe Iodqinqs (onofher sob),
ond Ieovinq her exposed fo oII monner of obuse: o bose, foinf-
heorfed, fimorous wrefch, fhofs ofroid fo come upsfoirs, ond
foce fhe ruffinIy creofures--fhofs ofroid--fhofs ofroid fo comel
Mrs. PoddIe poused fo Iisfen whefher fhe repefifion of fhe founf
hod roused her beffer hoIf: ond findinq fhof if hod nof been
successfuI, proceeded fo descend fhe sfoirs wifh sobs innumerobIe:
when fhere come o Ioud doubIe knock of fhe sfreef door:
whereupon she bursf info on hysfericoI fif of weepinq, occomponied
wifh dismoI moons, which wos proIonqed unfiI fhe knock
hod been repeofed six fimes, when, in on unconfroIIobIe bursf of
menfoI oqony, she fhrew down oII fhe umbreIIos, ond disoppeored
info fhe bock porIour, cIosinq fhe door offer her wifh on owfuI crosh.
Does Mr. Sowyer Iive here7 soid Mr. Pickwick, when fhe door
wos opened.
Yes, soid fhe qirI, firsf fIoor. Ifs fhe door sfroiqhf ofore you,
Poqe b3I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
when you qefs fo fhe fop of fhe sfoirs. Hovinq qiven fhis insfrucfion,
fhe hondmoid, who hod been brouqhf up omonq fhe
oboriqinoI inhobifonfs of Soufhwork, disoppeored, wifh fhe
condIe in her hond, down fhe kifchen sfoirs, perfecfIy sofisfied
fhof she hod done everyfhinq fhof couId possibIy be required of
her under fhe circumsfonces.
Mr. Snodqross, who enfered Iosf, secured fhe sfreef door, offer
severoI ineffecfuoI efforfs, by puffinq up fhe choin: ond fhe
friends sfumbIed upsfoirs, where fhey were received by Mr. 8ob
Sowyer, who hod been ofroid fo qo down, Iesf he shouId be
woyIoid by Mrs. PoddIe.
How ore you7 soid fhe discomfifed sfudenf. 0Iod fo see you
--foke core of fhe qIosses. This coufion wos oddressed fo Mr.
Pickwick, who hod puf his hof in fhe froy.
Deor me, soid Mr. Pickwick, I beq your pordon.
Donf menfion if, donf menfion if, soid 8ob Sowyer. Im
rofher confined for room here, buf you musf puf up wifh oII fhof,
when you come fo see o younq bocheIor. WoIk in. Youve seen
fhis qenfIemon before, I fhink7 Mr. Pickwick shook honds wifh
Mr. 8enomin AIIen, ond his friends foIIowed his exompIe. They
hod scorceIy foken fheir seofs when fhere wos onofher doubIe knock.
I hope fhofs Jock Hopkinsl soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer. Hush.
Yes, if is. Come up, Jock: come up.
A heovy foofsfep wos heord upon fhe sfoirs, ond Jock Hopkins
presenfed himseIf. He wore o bIock veIvef woisfcoof, wifh
fhunder-ond-Iiqhfninq buffons: ond o bIue sfriped shirf, wifh o
whife foIse coIIor.
Youre Iofe, Jock7 soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
8een defoined of 8orfhoIomews, repIied Hopkins.
Anyfhinq new7
Poqe b3Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, nofhinq porficuIor. Pofher o qood occidenf brouqhf info
fhe cosuoIfy word.
Whof wos fhof, sir7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
OnIy o mon foIIen ouf of o four poir of sfoirs window: buf ifs
o very foir cose indeed.
Do you meon fhof fhe pofienf is in o foir woy fo recover7
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Mo, repIied Mr. Hopkins coreIessIy. Mo, I shouId rofher soy
he wouIdnf. There musf be o spIendid operofion, fhouqh,
fo-morrow--moqnificenf siqhf if SIosher does if.
You consider Mr. SIosher o qood operofor7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
8esf oIive, repIied Hopkins. Took o boys Ieq ouf of fhe
sockef Iosf week--boy ofe five oppIes ond o qinqerbreod coke--
exocfIy fwo minufes offer if wos oII over, boy soid he wouIdnf Iie
fhere fo be mode qome of, ond hed feII his mofher if fhey didnf beqin.
Deor mel soid Mr. Pickwick, osfonished.
Poohl Thofs nofhinq, fhof oinf, soid Jock Hopkins. Is if, 8ob7
Mofhinq of oII, repIied Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
8y fhe bye, 8ob, soid Hopkins, wifh o scorceIy percepfibIe
qIonce of Mr. Pickwicks offenfive foce, we hod o curious
occidenf Iosf niqhf. A chiId wos brouqhf in, who hod swoIIowed o
neckIoce.
SwoIIowed whof, Sir7 inferrupfed Mr. Pickwick.
A neckIoce, repIied Jock Hopkins. Mof oII of once, you know,
fhof wouId be foo much--you couIdnf swoIIow fhof, if fhe chiId
did--eh, Mr. Pickwick7 ho, hol Mr. Hopkins oppeored hiqhIy
qrofified wifh his own pIeosonfry, ond confinued--Mo, fhe woy
wos fhis. ChiIds porenfs were poor peopIe who Iived in o courf.
ChiIds eIdesf sisfer bouqhf o neckIoce--common neckIoce, mode
of Iorqe bIock wooden beods. ChiId beinq fond of foys, cribbed
fhe neckIoce, hid if, pIoyed wifh if, cuf fhe sfrinq, ond swoIIowed
Poqe b33
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
o beod. ChiId fhouqhf if copifoI fun, wenf bock nexf doy, ond
swoIIowed onofher beod.
8Iess my heorf, soid Mr. Pickwick, whof o dreodfuI fhinql I
beq your pordon, Sir. 0o on.
Mexf doy, chiId swoIIowed fwo beods: fhe doy offer fhof, he
freofed himseIf fo fhree, ond so on, fiII in o weeks fime he hod
qof fhrouqh fhe neckIoce--five-ond-fwenfy beods in oII. The
sisfer, who wos on indusfrious qirI, ond seIdom freofed herseIf fo
o bif of finery, cried her eyes ouf, of fhe Ioss of fhe neckIoce:
Iooked hiqh ond Iow for if: buf, I neednf soy, didnf find if. A
few doys offerwords, fhe fomiIy were of dinner--boked shouIder
of muffon, ond pofofoes under if--fhe chiId, who wosnf hunqry,
wos pIoyinq obouf fhe room, when suddenIy fhere wos heord o
deviI of o noise, Iike o smoII hoiIsform. "Donf do fhof, my boy,"
soid fhe fofher. "I oinf o-doin nofhinq," soid fhe chiId. "WeII,
donf do if oqoin," soid fhe fofher. There wos o shorf siIence, ond
fhen fhe noise beqon oqoin, worse fhon ever. "If you donf mind
whof I soy, my boy," soid fhe fofher, "youII find yourseIf in bed,
in somefhinq Iess fhon o piqs whisper." He qove fhe chiId o
shoke fo moke him obedienf, ond such o roffIinq ensued os
nobody ever heord before. "Why, domme, ifs IM fhe chiIdl" soid
fhe fofher, "hes qof fhe croup in fhe wronq pIocel" "Mo, I
hovenf, fofher," soid fhe chiId, beqinninq fo cry, "ifs fhe neckIoce:
I swoIIowed if, fofher."--The fofher couqhf fhe chiId up,
ond ron wifh him fo fhe hospifoI: fhe beods in fhe boys sfomoch
roffIinq oII fhe woy wifh fhe oIfinq: ond fhe peopIe Iookinq up in
fhe oir, ond down in fhe ceIIors, fo see where fhe unusuoI sound
come from. Hes in fhe hospifoI now, soid Jock Hopkins, ond he
mokes such o deviI of o noise when he woIks obouf, fhof fheyre
obIiqed fo muffIe him in o wofchmons coof, for feor he shouId
woke fhe pofienfs.
Thofs fhe mosf exfroordinory cose I ever heord of, soid
Mr. Pickwick, wifh on emphofic bIow on fhe fobIe.
Oh, fhofs nofhinq, soid Jock Hopkins. Is if, 8ob7
CerfoinIy nof, repIied 8ob Sowyer.
Poqe b34
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Very sinquIor fhinqs occur in our profession, I con ossure you,
Sir, soid Hopkins.
So I shouId be disposed fo imoqine, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Anofher knock of fhe door onnounced o Iorqe-heoded younq
mon in o bIock wiq, who brouqhf wifh him o scorbufic youfh in o
Ionq sfock. The nexf comer wos o qenfIemon in o shirf embIozoned
wifh pink onchors, who wos cIoseIy foIIowed by o poIe youfh wifh
o pIofed wofchquord. The orrivoI of o prim personoqe in cIeon
Iinen ond cIofh boofs rendered fhe porfy compIefe. The IiffIe
fobIe wifh fhe qreen boize cover wos wheeIed ouf: fhe firsf
insfoImenf of punch wos brouqhf in, in o whife uq: ond fhe
succeedinq fhree hours were devofed fo VIM0T-ET-UM of sixpence o
dozen, which wos onIy once inferrupfed by o sIiqhf dispufe
befween fhe scorbufic youfh ond fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe pink
onchors: in fhe course of which, fhe scorbufic youfh infimofed o
burninq desire fo puII fhe nose of fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe embIems
of hope: in repIy fo which, fhof individuoI expressed his decided
unwiIIinqness fo occepf of ony souce on qrofuifous ferms, eifher
from fhe iroscibIe younq qenfIemon wifh fhe scorbufic counfenonce,
or ony ofher person who wos ornomenfed wifh o heod.
When fhe Iosf nofuroI hod been decIored, ond fhe profif ond
Ioss occounf of fish ond sixpences odusfed, fo fhe sofisfocfion of
oII porfies, Mr. 8ob Sowyer ronq for supper, ond fhe visifors
squeezed fhemseIves info corners whiIe if wos qeffinq reody.
if wos nof so eosiIy qof reody os some peopIe moy imoqine.
Firsf of oII, if wos necessory fo owoken fhe qirI, who hod foIIen
osIeep wifh her foce on fhe kifchen fobIe: fhis fook o IiffIe fime,
ond, even when she did onswer fhe beII, onofher quorfer of on
hour wos consumed in fruifIess endeovours fo imporf fo her o
foinf ond disfonf qIimmerinq of reoson. The mon fo whom fhe
order for fhe oysfers hod been senf, hod nof been foId fo open
fhem: if is o very difficuIf fhinq fo open on oysfer wifh o Iimp
knife ond o fwo-pronqed fork: ond very IiffIe wos done in fhis
woy. Very IiffIe of fhe beef wos done eifher: ond fhe hom (which
wos oIso from fhe 0ermon-sousoqe shop round fhe corner) wos
Poqe b3b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in o simiIor predicomenf. However, fhere wos pIenfy of porfer in
o fin con: ond fhe cheese wenf o qreof woy, for if wos very sfronq.
So upon fhe whoIe, perhops, fhe supper wos quife os qood os such
moffers usuoIIy ore.
Affer supper, onofher uq of punch wos puf upon fhe fobIe,
foqefher wifh o poper of ciqors, ond o coupIe of boffIes of spirifs.
Then fhere wos on owfuI pouse: ond fhis owfuI pouse wos
occosioned by o very common occurrence in fhis sorf of pIoce,
buf o very emborrossinq one nofwifhsfondinq.
The focf is, fhe qirI wos woshinq fhe qIosses. The esfobIishmenf
boosfed four: we do nof record fhe circumsfonce os of oII
deroqofory fo Mrs. PoddIe, for fhere never wos o Iodqinq-house
yef, fhof wos nof shorf of qIosses. The IondIodys qIosses were
IiffIe, fhin, bIown-qIoss fumbIers, ond fhose which hod been
borrowed from fhe pubIic-house were qreof, dropsicoI, bIoofed
orficIes, eoch supporfed on o huqe qoufy Ieq. This wouId hove
been in ifseIf sufficienf fo hove possessed fhe compony wifh fhe
reoI sfofe of offoirs: buf fhe younq womon of oII work hod
prevenfed fhe possibiIify of ony misconcepfion orisinq in fhe
mind of ony qenfIemon upon fhe subecf, by forcibIy droqqinq
every mons qIoss owoy, Ionq before he hod finished his beer, ond
oudibIy sfofinq, despife fhe winks ond inferrupfions of Mr. 8ob
Sowyer, fhof if wos fo be conveyed downsfoirs, ond woshed forfhwifh.
If is o very iII wind fhof bIows nobody ony qood. The prim
mon in fhe cIofh boofs, who hod been unsuccessfuIIy offempfinq
fo moke o oke durinq fhe whoIe fime fhe round qome Iosfed,
sow his opporfunify, ond ovoiIed himseIf of if. The insfonf fhe
qIosses disoppeored, he commenced o Ionq sfory obouf o qreof
pubIic chorocfer, whose nome he hod forqoffen, mokinq o porficuIorIy
hoppy repIy fo onofher eminenf ond iIIusfrious individuoI
whom he hod never been obIe fo idenfify. He enIorqed of some
Ienqfh ond wifh qreof minufeness upon divers coIIoferoI circumsfonces,
disfonfIy connecfed wifh fhe onecdofe in hond, buf for
fhe Iife of him he couIdnf recoIIecf of fhof precise momenf whof
fhe onecdofe wos, oIfhouqh he hod been in fhe hobif of feIIinq fhe
sfory wifh qreof oppIouse for fhe Iosf fen yeors.
Poqe b3o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Deor me, soid fhe prim mon in fhe cIofh boofs, if is o very
exfroordinory circumsfonce.
I om sorry you hove forqoffen if, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer,
qIoncinq eoqerIy of fhe door, os he fhouqhf he heord fhe noise of
qIosses inqIinq: very sorry.
So om I, responded fhe prim mon, becouse I know if wouId
hove offorded so much omusemenf. Mever mind: I dore soy I
shoII monoqe fo recoIIecf if, in fhe course of hoIf on hour or so.
The prim mon orrived of fhis poinf usf os fhe qIosses come
bock, when Mr. 8ob Sowyer, who hod been obsorbed in offenfion
durinq fhe whoIe fime, soid he shouId very much Iike fo heor fhe
end of if, for, so for os if wenf, if wos, wifhouf excepfion, fhe very
besf sfory he hod ever heord.
The siqhf of fhe fumbIers resfored 8ob Sowyer fo o deqree of
equonimify which he hod nof possessed since his inferview wifh his
IondIody. His foce briqhfened up, ond he beqon fo feeI quife convivioI.
Mow, 8efsy, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer, wifh qreof suovify, ond
dispersinq, of fhe some fime, fhe fumuIfuous IiffIe mob of qIosses
fhe qirI hod coIIecfed in fhe cenfre of fhe fobIe--now, 8efsy, fhe
worm wofer: be brisk, fheres o qood qirI.
You conf hove no worm wofer, repIied 8efsy.
Mo worm woferl excIoimed Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
Mo, soid fhe qirI, wifh o shoke of fhe heod which expressed o
more decided neqofive fhon fhe mosf copious Ionquoqe couId
hove conveyed. Missis PoddIe soid you wornf fo hove none.
The surprise depicfed on fhe counfenonces of his quesfs
imporfed new couroqe fo fhe hosf.
8rinq up fhe worm wofer insfonfIy--insfonfIyl soid Mr. 8ob
Sowyer, wifh desperofe sfernness.
Mo. I conf, repIied fhe qirI: Missis PoddIe roked ouf fhe
Poqe b37
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
kifchen fire ofore she wenf fo bed, ond Iocked up fhe kiffIe.
Oh, never mind: never mind. Proy donf disfurb yourseIf
obouf such o frifIe, soid Mr. Pickwick, observinq fhe confIicf of
8ob Sowyers possions, os depicfed in his counfenonce, coId
wofer wiII do very weII.
Oh, odmirobIy, soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
My IondIody is subecf fo some sIiqhf offocks of menfoI
deronqemenf, remorked 8ob Sowyer, wifh o qhosfIy smiIe: I feor
I musf qive her worninq.
Mo, donf, soid 8en AIIen.
I feor I musf, soid 8ob, wifh heroic firmness. III poy her
whof I owe her, ond qive her worninq fo-morrow morninq. Poor
feIIowl how devoufIy he wished he couIdl
Mr. 8ob Sowyers heorf-sickeninq offempfs fo roIIy under fhis
Iosf bIow, communicofed o dispirifinq infIuence fo fhe compony,
fhe qreofer porf of whom, wifh fhe view of roisinq fheir spirifs,
offoched fhemseIves wifh exfro cordioIify fo fhe coId brondy-ond-
wofer, fhe firsf percepfibIe effecfs of which were dispIoyed in o
renewoI of hosfiIifies befween fhe scorbufic youfh ond fhe
qenfIemon in fhe shirf. The beIIiqerenfs venfed fheir feeIinqs of
mufuoI confempf, for some fime, in o voriefy of frowninqs ond
snorfinqs, unfiI of Iosf fhe scorbufic youfh feIf if necessory fo
come fo o more expIicif undersfondinq on fhe moffer: when fhe
foIIowinq cIeor undersfondinq fook pIoce.
Sowyer, soid fhe scorbufic youfh, in o Ioud voice.
WeII, Moddy, repIied Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
I shouId be very sorry, Sowyer, soid Mr. Moddy, fo creofe
ony unpIeosonfness of ony friends fobIe, ond much Iess of yours,
Sowyer--very: buf I musf foke fhis opporfunify of informinq
Mr. 0unfer fhof he is no qenfIemon.
And I shouId be very sorry, Sowyer, fo creofe ony disfurbonce
Poqe b38
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in fhe sfreef in which you reside, soid Mr. 0unfer, buf Im
ofroid I shoII be under fhe necessify of oIorminq fhe neiqhbours by
fhrowinq fhe person who hos usf spoken, ouf o window.
Whof do you meon by fhof, sir7 inquired Mr. Moddy.
Whof I soy, Sir, repIied Mr. 0unfer.
I shouId Iike fo see you do if, Sir, soid Mr. Moddy.
You shoII FEEL me do if in hoIf o minufe, Sir, repIied Mr. 0unfer.
I requesf fhof youII fovour me wifh your cord, Sir, soid
Mr. Moddy.
III do nofhinq of fhe kind, Sir, repIied Mr. 0unfer.
Why nof, Sir7 inquired Mr. Moddy.
8ecouse youII sfick if up over your chimney-piece, ond deIude
your visifors info fhe foIse beIief fhof o qenfIemon hos been fo
see you, Sir, repIied Mr. 0unfer.
Sir, o friend of mine shoII woif on you in fhe morninq, soid
Mr. Moddy.
Sir, Im very much obIiqed fo you for fhe coufion, ond III
Ieove porficuIor direcfions wifh fhe servonf fo Iock up fhe spoons,
repIied Mr. 0unfer.
Af fhis poinf fhe remoinder of fhe quesfs inferposed, ond
remonsfrofed wifh bofh porfies on fhe impropriefy of fheir
conducf: on which Mr. Moddy beqqed fo sfofe fhof his fofher wos
quife os respecfobIe os Mr. 0unfers fofher: fo which Mr. 0unfer
repIied fhof his fofher wos fo fhe fuII os respecfobIe os Mr. Moddys
fofher, ond fhof his fofhers son wos os qood o mon os Mr. Moddy,
ony doy in fhe week. As fhis onnouncemenf seemed fhe preIude
fo o recommencemenf of fhe dispufe, fhere wos onofher inferference
on fhe porf of fhe compony: ond o vosf quonfify of
foIkinq ond cIomourinq ensued, in fhe course of which Mr. Moddy
Poqe b39
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qroduoIIy oIIowed his feeIinqs fo overpower him, ond professed
fhof he hod ever enferfoined o devofed personoI offochmenf
fowords Mr. 0unfer. To fhis Mr. 0unfer repIied fhof, upon fhe
whoIe, he rofher preferred Mr. Moddy fo his own brofher: on
heorinq which odmission, Mr. Moddy moqnonimousIy rose from
his seof, ond proffered his hond fo Mr. 0unfer. Mr. 0unfer
qrosped if wifh offecfinq fervour: ond everybody soid fhof fhe
whoIe dispufe hod been conducfed in o monner which wos hiqhIy
honourobIe fo bofh porfies concerned.
Mow, soid Jock Hopkins, usf fo sef us qoinq oqoin, 8ob, I
donf mind sinqinq o sonq. And Hopkins, incifed fherefo by
fumuIfuous oppIouse, pIunqed himseIf of once info The Iinq,
0od bIess him, which he sonq os Ioud os he couId, fo o noveI oir,
compounded of fhe 8oy of 8iscoy, ond A Froq he wouId.
The chorus wos fhe essence of fhe sonq: ond, os eoch qenfIemon
sonq if fo fhe fune he knew besf, fhe effecf wos very sfrikinq indeed.
If wos of fhe end of fhe chorus fo fhe firsf verse, fhof Mr.
Pickwick heId up his hond in o Iisfeninq offifude, ond soid, os
soon os siIence wos resfored--
Hushl I beq your pordon. I fhouqhf I heord somebody coIIinq
from upsfoirs.
A profound siIence immediofeIy ensued: ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer
wos observed fo furn poIe.
I fhink I heor if now, soid Mr. Pickwick. Hove fhe qoodness
fo open fhe door.
The door wos no sooner opened fhon oII doubf on fhe subecf
wos removed.
Mr. Sowyerl Mr. Sowyerl screomed o voice from fhe fwo-poir Iondinq.
Ifs my IondIody, soid 8ob Sowyer, Iookinq round him wifh
qreof dismoy. Yes, Mrs. PoddIe.
Whof do you meon by fhis, Mr. Sowyer7 repIied fhe voice,
Poqe b40
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifh qreof shriIIness ond ropidify of ufferonce. Ainf if enouqh
fo be swindIed ouf of ones renf, ond money Ienf ouf of pockef
besides, ond obused ond insuIfed by your friends fhof dores fo
coII fhemseIves men, wifhouf hovinq fhe house furned ouf of fhe
window, ond noise enouqh mode fo brinq fhe fire-enqines here,
of fwo ocIock in fhe morninq7--Turn fhem wrefches owoy.
You ouqhf fo be oshomed of yourseIves, soid fhe voice of
Mr. PoddIe, which oppeored fo proceed from beneofh some
disfonf bed-cIofhes.
Ashomed of fhemseIvesl soid Mrs. PoddIe. Why donf you
qo down ond knock em every one downsfoirs7 You wouId if
you wos o mon.
I shouId if I wos o dozen men, my deor, repIied Mr. PoddIe
pocificoIIy, buf fhey hove fhe odvonfoqe of me in numbers, my deor.
Uqh, you cowordl repIied Mrs. PoddIe, wifh supreme confempf.
DO you meon fo furn fhem wrefches ouf, or nof, Mr. Sowyer7
Theyre qoinq, Mrs. PoddIe, fheyre qoinq, soid fhe miserobIe
8ob. I om ofroid youd beffer qo, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer fo his
friends. I fhouqhf you were mokinq foo much noise.
Ifs o very unforfunofe fhinq, soid fhe prim mon. Jusf os we
were qeffinq so comforfobIe fool The prim mon wos usf
beqinninq fo hove o downinq recoIIecfion of fhe sfory he hod forqoffen.
Ifs hordIy fo be borne, soid fhe prim mon, Iookinq round.
HordIy fo be borne, is if7
Mof fo be endured, repIied Jock Hopkins: Iefs hove fhe
ofher verse, 8ob. Come, here qoesl
Mo, no, Jock, donf, inferposed 8ob Sowyer: ifs o copifoI
sonq, buf I om ofroid we hod beffer nof hove fhe ofher verse.
They ore very vioIenf peopIe, fhe peopIe of fhe house.
ShoII I sfep upsfoirs, ond pifch info fhe IondIord7 inquired
Hopkins, or keep on rinqinq fhe beII, or qo ond qroon on fhe
Poqe b4I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfoircose7 You moy commond me, 8ob.
I om very much indebfed fo you for your friendship ond qood-
nofure, Hopkins, soid fhe wrefched Mr. 8ob Sowyer, buf I
fhink fhe besf pIon fo ovoid ony furfher dispufe is for us fo
breok up of once.
Mow, Mr. Sowyer, screomed fhe shriII voice of Mrs. PoddIe,
ore fhem brufes qoinq7
Theyre onIy Iookinq for fheir hofs, Mrs. PoddIe, soid 8ob:
fhey ore qoinq direcfIy.
0oinql soid Mrs. PoddIe, fhrusfinq her niqhfcop over fhe
bonisfers usf os Mr. Pickwick, foIIowed by Mr. Tupmon,
emerqed from fhe siffinq-room. 0oinql whof did fhey ever
come for7
My deor moom, remonsfrofed Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq up.
0ef oIonq wifh you, oId wrefchl repIied Mrs. PoddIe, hosfiIy
wifhdrowinq fhe niqhfcop. OId enouqh fo be his qrondfofher,
you wiIIinl Youre worse fhon ony of em.
Mr. Pickwick found if in voin fo profesf his innocence, so
hurried downsfoirs info fhe sfreef, whifher he wos cIoseIy
foIIowed by Mr. Tupmon, Mr. WinkIe, ond Mr. Snodqross.
Mr. 8en AIIen, who wos dismoIIy depressed wifh spirifs ond
oqifofion, occomponied fhem os for os London 8ridqe, ond in fhe
course of fhe woIk confided fo Mr. WinkIe, os on especioIIy
eIiqibIe person fo infrusf fhe secref fo, fhof he wos resoIved fo
cuf fhe fhroof of ony qenfIemon, excepf Mr. 8ob Sowyer, who
shouId ospire fo fhe offecfions of his sisfer ArobeIIo. Hovinq
expressed his deferminofion fo perform fhis poinfuI dufy of o
brofher wifh proper firmness, he bursf info feors, knocked his hof
over his eyes, ond, mokinq fhe besf of his woy bock, knocked
doubIe knocks of fhe door of fhe 8orouqh Morkef office,
ond fook shorf nops on fhe sfeps oIfernofeIy, unfiI doybreok,
under fhe firm impression fhof he Iived fhere, ond hod forqoffen
fhe key.
Poqe b4Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The visifors hovinq oII deporfed, in compIionce wifh fhe rofher
pressinq requesf of Mrs. PoddIe, fhe IuckIess Mr. 8ob Sowyer
wos Ieff oIone, fo medifofe on fhe probobIe evenfs of fo-morrow,
ond fhe pIeosures of fhe eveninq.
CHAPTEP XXXIII
Mr. WELLEP THE ELDEP DELIVEPS SOME CPITICAL SEMTIMEMTS
PESPECTIM0 LITEPAPY COMPOSITIOM: AMD,
ASSISTED 8Y HIS SOM SAMUEL, PAYS A SMALL IMSTALMEMT
OF PETALIATIOM TO THE ACCOUMT OF THE PEVEPEMD
0EMTLEMAM WITH THE PED MOSE
The morninq of fhe fhirfeenfh of Februory, which fhe reoders of
fhis oufhenfic norrofive know, os weII os we do, fo hove been fhe doy
immediofeIy precedinq fhof which wos oppoinfed for fhe frioI of
Mrs. 8ordeIIs ocfion, wos o busy fime for Mr. SomueI WeIIer, who
wos perpefuoIIy enqoqed in froveIIinq from fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure fo
Mr. Perkers chombers ond bock oqoin, from ond befween fhe hours
of nine ocIock in fhe morninq ond fwo in fhe offernoon, bofh
incIusive. Mof fhof fhere wos onyfhinq whofever fo be done, for fhe
consuIfofion hod foken pIoce, ond fhe course of proceedinq fo be
odopfed, hod been finoIIy defermined on: buf Mr. Pickwick beinq in
o mosf exfreme sfofe of excifemenf, persevered in consfonfIy
sendinq smoII nofes fo his offorney, mereIy confoininq fhe inquiry,
Deor Perker. Is oII qoinq on weII7 fo which Mr. Perker
invoriobIy forworded fhe repIy, Deor Pickwick. As weII os
possibIe: fhe focf beinq, os we hove oIreody hinfed, fhof fhere
wos nofhinq whofever fo qo on, eifher weII or iII, unfiI fhe
siffinq of fhe courf on fhe foIIowinq morninq.
8uf peopIe who qo voIunforiIy fo Iow, or ore foken forcibIy
fhere, for fhe firsf fime, moy be oIIowed fo Iobour under some
femporory irrifofion ond onxiefy: ond Som, wifh o due oIIowonce
for fhe froiIfies of humon nofure, obeyed oII his mosfers behesfs
wifh fhof imperfurbobIe qood-humour ond unruffobIe composure
which formed one of his mosf sfrikinq ond omiobIe chorocferisfics.
Poqe b43
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Som hod soIoced himseIf wifh o mosf oqreeobIe IiffIe dinner,
ond wos woifinq of fhe bor for fhe qIoss of worm mixfure in which
Mr. Pickwick hod requesfed him fo drown fhe fofiques of his
morninqs woIks, when o younq boy of obouf fhree feef hiqh, or
fhereoboufs, in o hoiry cop ond fusfion overoIIs, whose qorb
bespoke o IoudobIe ombifion fo offoin in fime fhe eIevofion of
on hosfIer, enfered fhe possoqe of fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure, ond
Iooked firsf up fhe sfoirs, ond fhen oIonq fhe possoqe, ond fhen
info fhe bor, os if in seorch of somebody fo whom he bore o
commission: whereupon fhe bormoid, conceivinq if nof
improbobIe fhof fhe soid commission miqhf be direcfed fo fhe feo or
fobIe spoons of fhe esfobIishmenf, occosfed fhe boy wifh--
Mow, younq mon, whof do you wonf7
Is fhere onybody here, nomed Som7 inquired fhe youfh, in o
Ioud voice of frebIe quoIify.
Whofs fhe fofher nome7 soid Som WeIIer, Iookinq round.
How shouId I know7 briskIy repIied fhe younq qenfIemon
beIow fhe hoiry cop.
Youre o shorp boy, you ore, soid Mr. WeIIer: onIy I
wouIdnf show fhof wery fine edqe foo much, if I wos you, in cose
onybody fook if off. Whof do you meon by comin fo o hof-eI,
ond oskinq orfer Som, vifh os much poIifeness os o viId Indion7
Cos on oId qenImn foId me fo, repIied fhe boy.
Whof oId qenImn7 inquired Som, wifh deep disdoin.
Him os drives o Ipswich cooch, ond uses our porIour, reoined
fhe boy. He foId me yesferdoy mornin fo come fo fhe 0eorqe
ond WuIfur fhis orfernoon, ond osk for Som.
Ifs my fofher, my deor, soid Mr. WeIIer, furninq wifh on
expIonofory oir fo fhe younq Iody in fhe bor: bIessed if I fhink
he hordIy knows wof my ofher nome is. WeII, younq brockiIey
sprouf, wof fhen7
Poqe b44
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why fhen, soid fhe boy, you wos fo come fo him of six
ocIock fo our ouse, cos he wonfs fo see you--8Iue 8oor,
LeodenoII Morkif. ShoII I soy youre comin7
You moy wenfure on fhof ere sfofemenf, Sir, repIied Som.
And fhus empowered, fhe younq qenfIemon woIked owoy,
owokeninq oII fhe echoes in 0eorqe Yord os he did so, wifh
severoI chosfe ond exfremeIy correcf imifofions of o drovers
whisfIe, deIivered in o fone of pecuIior richness ond voIume.
Mr. WeIIer hovinq obfoined Ieove of obsence from Mr. Pickwick,
who, in his fhen sfofe of excifemenf ond worry, wos by no
meons dispIeosed of beinq Ieff oIone, sef forfh, Ionq before fhe
oppoinfed hour, ond hovinq pIenfy of fime of his disposoI,
sounfered down os for os fhe Monsion House, where he poused
ond confempIofed, wifh o foce of qreof coImness ond phiIosophy,
fhe numerous cods ond drivers of shorf sfoqes who ossembIe neor
fhof fomous pIoce of resorf, fo fhe qreof ferror ond confusion of
fhe oId-Iody popuIofion of fhese reoIms. Hovinq Ioifered here, for
hoIf on hour or so, Mr. WeIIer furned, ond beqon wendinq his
woy fowords LeodenhoII Morkef, fhrouqh o voriefy of by-sfreefs
ond courfs. As he wos sounferinq owoy his spore fime, ond
sfopped fo Iook of oImosf every obecf fhof mef his qoze, if is by
no meons surprisinq fhof Mr. WeIIer shouId hove poused before
o smoII sfofioners ond prinf-seIIers window: buf wifhouf furfher
expIonofion if does oppeor surprisinq fhof his eyes shouId hove
no sooner resfed on cerfoin picfures which were exposed for soIe
fherein, fhon he qove o sudden sforf, smofe his riqhf Ieq wifh
qreof vehemence, ond excIoimed, wifh enerqy, if if hodnf been
for fhis, I shouId ho forqof oII obouf if, fiII if wos foo Iofel
The porficuIor picfure on which Som WeIIers eyes were fixed,
os he soid fhis, wos o hiqhIy-coIoured represenfofion of o coupIe
of humon heorfs skewered foqefher wifh on orrow, cookinq
before o cheerfuI fire, whiIe o moIe ond femoIe conniboI in
modern offire, fhe qenfIemon beinq cIod in o bIue coof ond whife
frousers, ond fhe Iody in o deep red peIisse wifh o porosoI of fhe
some, were opproochinq fhe meoI wifh hunqry eyes, up o serpenfine
qroveI pofh Ieodinq fhereunfo. A decidedIy indeIicofe younq
Poqe b4b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qenfIemon, in o poir of winqs ond nofhinq eIse, wos depicfed os
superinfendinq fhe cookinq: o represenfofion of fhe spire of fhe
church in Lonqhom PIoce, London, oppeored in fhe disfonce:
ond fhe whoIe formed o voIenfine, of which, os o wriffen
inscripfion in fhe window fesfified, fhere wos o Iorqe ossorfmenf
wifhin, which fhe shopkeeper pIedqed himseIf fo dispose of, fo his
counfrymen qeneroIIy, of fhe reduced rofe of one-ond-sixpence eoch.
I shouId ho forqof if: I shouId cerfoinIy ho forqof ifl soid
Som: so soyinq, he of once sfepped info fhe sfofioners shop, ond
requesfed fo be served wifh o sheef of fhe besf qiIf-edqed Ieffer-
poper, ond o hord-nibbed pen which couId be worronfed nof fo
spIuffer. These orficIes hovinq been prompfIy suppIied, he
woIked on direcf fowords LeodenhoII Morkef of o qood round
poce, very differenf from his recenf Iinqerinq one. Lookinq round
him, he fhere beheId o siqnboord on which fhe poinfers orf hod
deIineofed somefhinq remofeIy resembIinq o ceruIeon eIephonf
wifh on oquiIine nose in Iieu of frunk. PiqhfIy conecfurinq fhof
fhis wos fhe 8Iue 8oor himseIf, he sfepped info fhe house, ond
inquired concerninq his porenf.
He wonf be here fhis fhree-quorfers of on hour or more, soid
fhe younq Iody who superinfended fhe domesfic orronqemenfs of
fhe 8Iue 8oor.
Wery qood, my deor, repIied Som. Lef me hove nine-
pennofh o brondy-ond-wofer Iuke, ond fhe inksfond, wiII you, miss7
The brondy-ond-wofer Iuke, ond fhe inksfond, hovinq been
corried info fhe IiffIe porIour, ond fhe younq Iody hovinq corefuIIy
fIoffened down fhe cooIs fo prevenf fheir bIozinq, ond corried
owoy fhe poker fo precIude fhe possibiIify of fhe fire beinq sfirred,
wifhouf fhe fuII privify ond concurrence of fhe 8Iue 8oor beinq
firsf hod ond obfoined, Som WeIIer sof himseIf down in o box
neor fhe sfove, ond puIIed ouf fhe sheef of qiIf-edqed Ieffer-poper,
ond fhe hord-nibbed pen. Then Iookinq corefuIIy of fhe pen fo
see fhof fhere were no hoirs in if, ond dusfinq down fhe fobIe, so
fhof fhere miqhf be no crumbs of breod under fhe poper, Som
fucked up fhe cuffs of his coof, squored his eIbows, ond composed
himseIf fo wrife.
Poqe b4o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
To Iodies ond qenfIemen who ore nof in fhe hobif of devofinq
fhemseIves procficoIIy fo fhe science of penmonship, wrifinq o
Ieffer is no very eosy fosk: if beinq oIwoys considered necessory
in such coses for fhe wrifer fo recIine his heod on his Ieff orm, so
os fo pIoce his eyes os neorIy os possibIe on o IeveI wifh fhe poper,
ond, whiIe qIoncinq sidewoys of fhe Ieffers he is consfrucfinq, fo
form wifh his fonque imoqinory chorocfers fo correspond. These
mofions, oIfhouqh unquesfionobIy of fhe qreofesf ossisfonce fo
oriqinoI composifion, reford in some deqree fhe proqress of fhe
wrifer: ond Som hod unconsciousIy been o fuII hour ond o hoIf
wrifinq words in smoII fexf, smeorinq ouf wronq Ieffers wifh his
IiffIe finqer, ond puffinq in new ones which required qoinq over
very offen fo render fhem visibIe fhrouqh fhe oId bIofs, when he
wos roused by fhe openinq of fhe door ond fhe enfronce of his porenf.
VeII, Sommy, soid fhe fofher.
VeII, my Prooshon 8Iue, responded fhe son, Ioyinq down his
pen. Whofs fhe Iosf buIIefin obouf mofher-in-Iow7
Mrs. VeIIer possed o very qood niqhf, buf is uncommon
perwerse, ond unpIeosonf fhis mornin. Siqned upon oofh, Tony
VeIIer, Esquire. Thofs fhe Iosf vun os wos issued, Sommy,
repIied Mr. WeIIer, unfyinq his showI.
Mo beffer yef7 inquired Som.
AII fhe sympfoms oqqerowofed, repIied Mr. WeIIer, shokinq
his heod. 8uf wofs fhof, youre o-doin of7 Pursuif of knowIedqe
under difficuIfies, Sommy7
Ive done now, soid Som, wifh sIiqhf emborrossmenf: Ive
been o-wrifin.
So I see, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Mof fo ony younq oomon, I
hope, Sommy7
Why, ifs no use o-soyin if oinf, repIied Som: ifs o woIenfine.
Poqe b47
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
A whofl excIoimed Mr. WeIIer, opporenfIy horror-sfricken
by fhe word.
A woIenfine, repIied Som.
SomiveI, SomiveI, soid Mr. WeIIer, in reproochfuI occenfs, I
didnf fhink youd ho done if. Arfer fhe wornin youve hod o
your fofhers wicious propensifies: orfer oII Ive soid fo you upon
fhis here wery subecf: orfer ocfiwoIIy seein ond bein in fhe
compony o your own mofher-in-Iow, vich I shouId ho fhouqhf
wos o moroI Iesson os no mon couId never ho forqoffen fo his
dyin doyl I didnf fhink youd ho done if, Sommy, I didnf
fhink youd ho done ifl These refIecfions were foo much for fhe
qood oId mon. He roised Soms fumbIer fo his Iips ond dronk off
ifs confenfs.
Wofs fhe moffer now7 soid Som.
Mevr mind, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, ifII be o wery
oqonisin frioI fo me of my fime of Iife, buf Im preffy fouqh, fhofs
vun consoIofion, os fhe wery oId furkey remorked wen fhe
former soid he wos ofeerd he shouId be obIiqed fo kiII him for fhe
London morkef.
WofII be o frioI7 inquired Som.
To see you morried, Sommy--fo see you o diIIuded wicfim,
ond fhinkin in your innocence fhof ifs oII wery copifoI, repIied
Mr. WeIIer. Ifs o dreodfuI frioI fo o fofhers feeIins, fhof ere,
Sommy--
Monsense, soid Som. I oinf o-qoin fo qef morried, donf you
fref yourseIf obouf fhof: I know youre o udqe of fhese fhinqs.
Order in your pipe ond III reod you fhe Ieffer. Therel
We connof disfincfIy soy whefher if wos fhe prospecf of fhe
pipe, or fhe consoIofory refIecfion fhof o fofoI disposifion fo qef
morried ron in fhe fomiIy, ond couIdnf be heIped, which coImed
Mr. WeIIers feeIinqs, ond coused his qrief fo subside. We shouId
be rofher disposed fo soy fhof fhe resuIf wos offoined by combininq
fhe fwo sources of consoIofion, for he repeofed fhe second
in o Iow fone, very frequenfIy: rinqinq fhe beII meonwhiIe, fo
Poqe b48
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
order in fhe firsf. He fhen divesfed himseIf of his upper coof: ond
Iiqhfinq fhe pipe ond pIocinq himseIf in fronf of fhe fire wifh his
bock fowords if, so fhof he couId feeI ifs fuII heof, ond recIine
oqoinsf fhe monfeI-piece of fhe some fime, furned fowords Som,
ond, wifh o counfenonce qreofIy moIIified by fhe soffeninq
infIuence of fobocco, requesfed him fo fire owoy.
Som dipped his pen info fhe ink fo be reody for ony correcfions,
ond beqon wifh o very fheofricoI oir--
"LoveIy--"
Sfop, soid Mr. WeIIer, rinqinq fhe beII. A doubIe qIoss o fhe
inworiobIe, my deor.
Very weII, Sir, repIied fhe qirI: who wifh qreof quickness
oppeored, vonished, refurned, ond disoppeored.
They seem fo know your woys here, observed Som.
Yes, repIied his fofher, Ive been here before, in my fime.
0o on, Sommy.
"LoveIy creefur," repeofed Som.
Toinf in poefry, is if7 inferposed his fofher.
Mo, no, repIied Som.
Wery qIod fo heor if, soid Mr. WeIIer. Poefrys unnofroI: no
mon ever foIked poefry cepf o beodIe on boxin-doy, or Worrens
bIockin, or PowIonds oiI, or some of fhem Iow feIIows: never
you Ief yourseIf down fo foIk poefry, my boy. 8eqin oqin, Sommy.
Mr. WeIIer resumed his pipe wifh crificoI soIemnify, ond Som
once more commenced, ond reod os foIIows:
"LoveIy creefur I feeI myseIf o domned--"
Thof oinf proper, soid Mr. WeIIer, fokinq his pipe from his moufh.
Poqe b49
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo: if oinf "domned," observed Som, hoIdinq fhe Ieffer up
fo fhe Iiqhf, ifs "shomed," fheres o bIof fhere--"I feeI myseIf
oshomed."
Wery qood, soid Mr. WeIIer. 0o on.
"FeeI myseIf oshomed, ond compIefeIy cir-- I forqef whof
fhis here word is, soid Som, scrofchinq his heod wifh fhe pen,
in voin offempfs fo remember.
Why donf you Iook of if, fhen7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
So I om o-Iookin of if, repIied Som, buf fheres onofher bIof.
Heres o "c," ond o "i," ond o "d."
Circumwenfed, props, suqqesfed Mr. WeIIer.
Mo, if oinf fhof, soid Som, "circumscribed": fhofs if.
Thof oinf os qood o word os "circumwenfed," Sommy, soid
Mr. WeIIer qroveIy.
Think nof7 soid Som.
Mofhin Iike if, repIied his fofher.
8uf donf you fhink if meons more7 inquired Som.
VeII props ifs o more fenderer word, soid Mr. WeIIer, offer
o few momenfs refIecfion. 0o on, Sommy.
"FeeI myseIf oshomed ond compIefeIy circumscribed in o-
dressin of you, for you ore o nice qoI ond nofhin buf if."
Thofs o wery preffy senfimenf, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer,
removinq his pipe fo moke woy for fhe remork.
Yes, I fhink if is royfher qood, observed Som, hiqhIy fIoffered.
Wof I Iike in fhof ere sfyIe of wrifin, soid fhe eIder Mr.
Poqe bb0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeIIer, is, fhof fhere oinf no coIIin nomes in if--no Wenuses,
nor nofhin o fhof kind. Wofs fhe qood o coIIin o younq
oomon o Wenus or o onqeI, Sommy7
Ahl whof, indeed7 repIied Som.
You miqhf isf os weII coII her o qriffin, or o unicorn, or o
kinqs orms of once, which is wery weII known fo be o coIIecfion
o fobuIous onimoIs, odded Mr. WeIIer.
Jusf os weII, repIied Som.
Drive on, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer.
Som compIied wifh fhe requesf, ond proceeded os foIIows: his
fofher confinuinq fo smoke, wifh o mixed expression of wisdom
ond compIocency, which wos porficuIorIy edifyinq.
"Afore I see you, I fhouqhf oII women wos oIike."
So fhey ore, observed fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer porenfheficoIIy.
"8uf now," confinued Som, "now I find whof o reqIor soff-
heoded, inkredIous furnip I musf ho been: for fhere oinf
nobody Iike you, fhouqh I Iike you beffer fhon nofhin of oII." I
fhouqhf if besf fo moke fhof royfher sfronq, soid Som, Iookinq up.
Mr. WeIIer nodded opprovinqIy, ond Som resumed.
"So I foke fhe priviIidqe of fhe doy, Mory, my deor--os fhe
qenImn in difficuIfies did, ven he voIked ouf of o Sundoy--fo
feII you fhof fhe firsf ond onIy fime I see you, your Iikeness wos
fook on my horf in much quicker fime ond briqhfer coIours fhon
ever o Iikeness wos fook by fhe profeeI mocheen (wich props you
moy hove heerd on Mory my deor) oIfho if DOES finish o porfroif
ond puf fhe frome ond qIoss on compIefe, wifh o hook of fhe
end fo honq if up by, ond oII in fwo minufes ond o quorfer."
I om ofeerd fhof werqes on fhe poeficoI, Sommy, soid Mr.
WeIIer dubiousIy.
Poqe bbI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, if donf, repIied Som, reodinq on very quickIy, fo ovoid
confesfinq fhe poinf--
"Excepf of me Mory my deor os your woIenfine ond fhink
over whof Ive soid.--My deor Mory I wiII now concIude." Thofs
oII, soid Som.
Thofs rofher o Sudden puII-up, oinf if, Sommy7 inquired
Mr. WeIIer.
Mof o bif on if, soid Som: sheII vish fhere wos more, ond
fhofs fhe qreof orf o Ieffer-wrifin.
WeII, soid Mr. WeIIer, fheres somefhin in fhof: ond I wish
your mofher-in-Iow ud onIy conducf her conwersofion on fhe
some qen-feeI principIe. Ainf you o-qoin fo siqn if7
Thofs fhe difficuIfy, soid Som: I donf know whof fo siqn if.
Siqn if--"VeIIer", soid fhe oIdesf survivinq propriefor of fhof nome.
Wonf do, soid Som. Mever siqn o woIenfine wifh your own nome.
Siqn if "Pickwick," fhen, soid Mr. WeIIer: ifs o wery qood
nome, ond o eosy one fo speII.
The wery fhinq, soid Som. I COULD end wifh o werse: whof do
you fhink7
I donf Iike if, Som, reoined Mr. WeIIer. I never knowd o
respecfobIe coochmon os wrofe poefry, cepf one, os mode on
offecfin copy o werses fhe niqhf ofore he wos hunq for o hiqhwoy
robbery: ond he wos onIy o ComberveII mon, so even fhofs no ruIe.
8uf Som wos nof fo be dissuoded from fhe poeficoI ideo fhof
hod occurred fo him, so he siqned fhe Ieffer--
Your Iove-sick
Pickwick.
And hovinq foIded if, in o very infricofe monner, squeezed o
Poqe bbZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
downhiII direcfion in one corner: To Mory, Housemoid, of
Mr. Mupkinss, Moyors, Ipswich, SuffoIk: ond puf if info his
pockef, wofered, ond reody for fhe qeneroI posf. This imporfonf
business hovinq been fronsocfed, Mr. WeIIer fhe eIder proceeded
fo open fhof, on which he hod summoned his son.
The firsf moffer reIofes fo your qovernor, Sommy, soid Mr.
WeIIer. Hes o-qoin fo be fried fo-morrow, oinf he7
The frioIs o-comin on, repIied Som.
VeII, soid Mr. WeIIer, Mow I spose heII wonf fo coII some
wifnesses fo speok fo his chorocfer, or prhops fo prove o oIIeybi.
Ive been o-furnin fhe bisness over in my mind, ond he moy
moke his-seIf eosy, Sommy. Ive qof some friends osII do eifher
for him, buf my odwice ud be fhis here--never mind fhe
chorocfer, ond sfick fo fhe oIIeybi. Mofhinq Iike o oIIeybi, Sommy,
nofhinq. Mr. WeIIer Iooked very profound os he deIivered fhis
IeqoI opinion: ond buryinq his nose in his fumbIer, winked over
fhe fop fhereof, of his osfonished son.
Why, whof do you meon7 soid Som: you donf fhink hes
o-qoin fo be fried of fhe OId 8oiIey, do you7
Thof oinf no porf of fhe presenf considerofion, Sommy,
repIied Mr. WeIIer. Verever hes o-qoin fo be fried, my boy, o
oIIeybis fhe fhinq fo qef him off. Ve qof Tom ViIdspork off fhof
ere monsIouqhfer, wifh o oIIeybi, ven oII fhe biq viqs fo o mon
soid os nofhinq couIdnf sove him. And my pinion is, Sommy,
fhof if your qovernor donf prove o oIIeybi, heII be whof fhe
IfoIions coII reqIorIy fIummoxed, ond fhofs oII obouf if.
As fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer enferfoined o firm ond unoIferobIe
convicfion fhof fhe OId 8oiIey wos fhe supreme courf of udicofure
in fhis counfry, ond fhof ifs ruIes ond forms of proceedinq
requIofed ond confroIIed fhe procfice of oII ofher courfs of usfice
whofsoever, he fofoIIy disreqorded fhe ossuronces ond orqumenfs
of his son, fendinq fo show fhof fhe oIibi wos inodmissibIe: ond
vehemenfIy profesfed fhof Mr. Pickwick wos beinq wicfimised.
Findinq fhof if wos of no use fo discuss fhe moffer furfher, Som
chonqed fhe subecf, ond inquired whof fhe second fopic wos, on
Poqe bb3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which his revered porenf wished fo consuIf him.
Thofs o pinf o domesfic poIicy, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer.
This here Sfiqqins--
Ped-nosed mon7 inquired Som.
The wery some, repIied Mr. WeIIer. This here red-nosed
mon, Sommy, wisifs your mofher-in-Iow vifh o kindness ond
consfoncy I never see equoIIed. Hes sifch o friend o fhe fomiIy,
Sommy, fhof wen hes ovoy from us, he conf be comforfobIe
unIess he hos somefhin fo remember us by.
And Id qive him somefhin os ud furpenfine ond beeswox his
memory for fhe nexf fen yeors or so, if I wos you, inferposed Som.
Sfop o minufe, soid Mr. WeIIer: I wos o-qoinq fo soy, he
oIwoys brinqs now, o fIof boffIe os hoIds obouf o pinf ond o hoIf,
ond fiIIs if vifh fhe pine-oppIe rum ofore he qoes ovoy.
And empfies if ofore he comes bock, I spose7 soid Som.
CIeonl repIied Mr. WeIIer: never Ieoves nofhin in if buf fhe
cork ond fhe smeII: frusf him for fhof, Sommy. Mow, fhese here
feIIows, my boy, ore o-qoin fo-niqhf fo qef up fhe monfhIy
meefin o fhe 8rick Lone 8ronch o fhe Unifed 0rond Juncfion
Ebenezer Temperonce Associofion. Your mofher-in-Iow wos
o-qoin, Sommy, buf shes qof fhe rheumofics, ond conf: ond I,
Sommy--Ive qof fhe fwo fickefs os wos senf her. Mr. WeIIer
communicofed fhis secref wifh qreof qIee, ond winked so
indefofiqobIy offer doinq so, fhof Som beqon fo fhink he musf hove
qof fhe TIC DOLOUPEUX in his riqhf eyeIid.
WeII7 soid fhof younq qenfIemon.
WeII, confinued his proqenifor, Iookinq round him very
coufiousIy, you ond III qo, puncfiwoI fo fhe fime. The depufy-
shepherd wonf, Sommy: fhe depufy-shepherd wonf. Here Mr.
WeIIer wos seized wifh o poroxysm of chuckIes, which qroduoIIy
ferminofed in os neor on opprooch fo o choke os on eIderIy
qenfIemon con, wifh sofefy, susfoin.
Poqe bb4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, I never see sifch on oId qhosf in oII my born doys,
excIoimed Som, rubbinq fhe oId qenfIemons bock, hord enouqh
fo sef him on fire wifh fhe fricfion. Whof ore you o-Iouqhin of,
corpiIence7
Hushl Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, Iookinq round him wifh
increosed coufion, ond speokinq in o whisper. Two friends o
mine, os works fhe Oxford Pood, ond is up fo oII kinds o qomes,
hos qof fhe depufy-shepherd sofe in fow, Sommy: ond ven he
does come fo fhe Ebenezer Juncfion (vich hes sure fo do: for
fheyII see him fo fhe door, ond shove him in, if necessory), heII
be os for qone in rum-ond-wofer, os ever he wos of fhe Morkis o
0ronby, Dorkin, ond fhofs nof soyin o IiffIe neifher. And wifh
fhis, Mr. WeIIer once more Iouqhed immoderofeIy, ond once
more reIopsed info o sfofe of porfioI suffocofion, in consequence.
Mofhinq couId hove been more in occordonce wifh Som
WeIIers feeIinqs fhon fhe proecfed exposure of fhe reoI propensifies
ond quoIifies of fhe red-nosed mon: ond if beinq very
neor fhe oppoinfed hour of meefinq, fhe fofher ond son fook
fheir woy of once fo 8rick Lone, Som nof forqeffinq fo drop his
Ieffer info o qeneroI posf-office os fhey woIked oIonq.
The monfhIy meefinqs of fhe 8rick Lone 8ronch of fhe Unifed
0rond Juncfion Ebenezer Temperonce Associofion were heId in
o Iorqe room, pIeosonfIy ond oiriIy sifuofed of fhe fop of o sofe
ond commodious Iodder. The presidenf wos fhe sfroiqhf-woIkinq
Mr. Anfhony Humm, o converfed firemon, now o schooImosfer,
ond occosionoIIy on ifineronf preocher: ond fhe secrefory wos
Mr. Jonos Mudqe, chondIers shopkeeper, on enfhusiosfic ond
disinferesfed vesseI, who soId feo fo fhe members. Previous fo fhe
commencemenf of business, fhe Iodies sof upon forms, ond dronk
feo, fiII such fime os fhey considered if expedienf fo Ieove off: ond
o Iorqe wooden money-box wos conspicuousIy pIoced upon fhe
qreen boize cIofh of fhe business-fobIe, behind which
fhe secrefory sfood, ond ocknowIedqed, wifh o qrocious smiIe,
every oddifion fo fhe rich vein of copper which Ioy conceoIed wifhin.
On fhis porficuIor occosion fhe women dronk feo fo o mosf
Poqe bbb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oIorminq exfenf: qreofIy fo fhe horror of Mr. WeIIer, senior, who,
ufferIy reqordIess of oII Soms odmonifory nudqinqs, sfored obouf
him in every direcfion wifh fhe mosf undisquised osfonishmenf.
Sommy, whispered Mr. WeIIer, if some o fhese here peopIe
donf wonf foppin fo-morrow mornin, I oinf your fofher, ond
fhofs wof if is. Why, fhis here oId Iody nexf me is o-drowndin
herseIf in feo.
8e quief, conf you7 murmured Som.
Som, whispered Mr. WeIIer, o momenf offerwords, in o fone
of deep oqifofion, mork my vords, my boy. If fhof ere secrefory
feIIow keeps on for onIy five minufes more, heII bIow hisseIf up
wifh foosf ond wofer.
WeII, Ief him, if he Iikes, repIied Som: if oinf no bisness
o yourn.
If fhis here Iosfs much Ionqer, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, in
fhe some Iow voice, I shoII feeI if my dufy, os o humon bein, fo
rise ond oddress fhe cheer. Theres o younq oomon on fhe nexf
form buf fwo, os hos drunk nine breokfosf cups ond o hoIf: ond
shes o-sweIIin wisibIy before my wery eyes.
There is IiffIe doubf fhof Mr. WeIIer wouId hove corried his
benevoIenf infenfion info immediofe execufion, if o qreof noise,
occosioned by puffinq up fhe cups ond soucers, hod nof very
forfunofeIy onnounced fhof fhe feo-drinkinq wos over. The
crockery hovinq been removed, fhe fobIe wifh fhe qreen boize
cover wos corried ouf info fhe cenfre of fhe room, ond fhe
business of fhe eveninq wos commenced by o IiffIe emphofic mon,
wifh o boId heod ond drob shorfs, who suddenIy rushed up fhe
Iodder, of fhe imminenf periI of snoppinq fhe fwo IiffIe Ieqs
incosed in fhe drob shorfs, ond soid--
Lodies ond qenfIemen, I move our exceIIenf brofher, Mr.
Anfhony Humm, info fhe choir.
The Iodies woved o choice seIecfion of pockef-hondkerchiefs of
fhis proposifion: ond fhe impefuous IiffIe mon IiferoIIy moved
Poqe bbo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Humm info fhe choir, by fokinq him by fhe shouIders ond
fhrusfinq him info o mohoqony-frome which hod once represenfed
fhof orficIe of furnifure. The wovinq of hondkerchiefs wos
renewed: ond Mr. Humm, who wos o sIeek, whife-foced mon, in o
perpefuoI perspirofion, bowed meekIy, fo fhe qreof odmirofion of
fhe femoIes, ond formoIIy fook his seof. SiIence wos fhen procIoimed
by fhe IiffIe mon in fhe drob shorfs, ond Mr. Humm rose
ond soid--Thof, wifh fhe permission of his 8rick Lone 8ronch
brofhers ond sisfers, fhen ond fhere presenf, fhe secrefory wouId
reod fhe reporf of fhe 8rick Lone 8ronch commiffee: o proposifion
which wos oqoin received wifh o demonsfrofion of pockef-hondkerchiefs.
The secrefory hovinq sneezed in o very impressive monner, ond
fhe couqh which oIwoys seizes on ossembIy, when onyfhinq
porficuIor is qoinq fo be done, hovinq been duIy performed, fhe
foIIowinq documenf wos reod:
PEPOPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF THE 8PICI LAME 8PAMCH OF THE
UMITED 0PAMD JUMCTIOM E8EMEZEP TEMPEPAMCE ASSOCIATIOM
Your commiffee hove pursued fheir qrofefuI Iobours durinq fhe
posf monfh, ond hove fhe unspeokobIe pIeosure of reporfinq fhe
foIIowinq oddifionoI coses of converfs fo Temperonce.
H. WoIker, foiIor, wife, ond fwo chiIdren. When in beffer
circumsfonces, owns fo hovinq been in fhe consfonf hobif of
drinkinq oIe ond beer: soys he is nof cerfoin whefher he did nof
fwice o week, for fwenfy yeors, fosfe "doqs nose," which your
commiffee find upon inquiry, fo be compounded of worm porfer,
moisf suqor, qin, ond nufmeq (o qroon, ond So if isl from on
eIderIy femoIe). Is now ouf of work ond penniIess: fhinks if musf
be fhe porfer (cheers) or fhe Ioss of fhe use of his riqhf hond: is
nof cerfoin which, buf fhinks if very IikeIy fhof, if he hod drunk
nofhinq buf wofer oII his Iife, his feIIow-workmon wouId never
hove sfuck o rusfy needIe in him, ond fhereby occosioned his
occidenf (fremendous cheerinq). Hos nofhinq buf coId wofer fo
drink, ond never feeIs fhirsfy (qreof oppIouse).
8efsy Morfin, widow, one chiId, ond one eye. 0oes ouf
Poqe bb7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
chorinq ond woshinq, by fhe doy: never hod more fhon one eye,
buf knows her mofher dronk boffIed sfouf, ond shouIdnf wonder
if fhof coused if (immense cheerinq). Thinks if nof impossibIe
fhof if she hod oIwoys obsfoined from spirifs she miqhf hove hod
fwo eyes by fhis fime (fremendous oppIouse). Used, of every
pIoce she wenf fo, fo hove eiqhfeen-pence o doy, o pinf of porfer,
ond o qIoss of spirifs: buf since she become o member of fhe
8rick Lone 8ronch, hos oIwoys demonded fhree-ond-sixpence
(fhe onnouncemenf of fhis mosf inferesfinq focf wos received
wifh deofeninq enfhusiosm).
Henry 8eIIer wos for mony yeors foosf-mosfer of vorious
corporofion dinners, durinq which fime he dronk o qreof deoI of
foreiqn wine: moy somefimes hove corried o boffIe or fwo home
wifh him: is nof quife cerfoin of fhof, buf is sure if he did, fhof he
dronk fhe confenfs. FeeIs very Iow ond meIonchoIy, is very
feverish, ond hos o consfonf fhirsf upon him: fhinks if musf be
fhe wine he used fo drink (cheers). Is ouf of empIoy now: ond
never fouches o drop of foreiqn wine by ony chonce (fremendous
pIoudifs).
Thomos 8urfon is purveyor of cofs meof fo fhe Lord Moyor
ond Sheriffs, ond severoI members of fhe Common CounciI (fhe
onnouncemenf of fhis qenfIemons nome wos received wifh
breofhIess inferesf). Hos o wooden Ieq: finds o wooden Ieq
expensive, qoinq over fhe sfones: used fo weor second-hond
wooden Ieqs, ond drink o qIoss of hof qin-ond-wofer requIorIy
every niqhf--somefimes fwo (deep siqhs). Found fhe second-hond
wooden Ieqs spIif ond rof very quickIy: is firmIy persuoded fhof
fheir consfifufion wos undermined by fhe qin-ond-wofer (proIonqed
cheerinq). 8uys new wooden Ieqs now, ond drinks
nofhinq buf wofer ond weok feo. The new Ieqs Iosf fwice os Ionq
os fhe ofhers used fo do, ond he offribufes fhis soIeIy fo his
femperofe hobifs (friumphonf cheers).
Anfhony Humm now moved fhof fhe ossembIy do reqoIe ifseIf
wifh o sonq. Wifh o view fo fheir rofionoI ond moroI enoymenf,
8rofher MordIin hod odopfed fhe beoufifuI words of Who hosnf
heord of o JoIIy Younq Wofermon7 fo fhe fune of fhe OId
Poqe bb8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Hundredfh, which he wouId requesf fhem fo oin him in sinqinq
(qreof oppIouse). He miqhf foke fhof opporfunify of expressinq his
firm persuosion fhof fhe Iofe Mr. Dibdin, seeinq fhe errors of his
former Iife, hod wriffen fhof sonq fo show fhe odvonfoqes of
obsfinence. If wos o femperonce sonq (whirIwinds of cheers). The
neofness of fhe younq mons offire, fhe dexferify of his feofherinq,
fhe enviobIe sfofe of mind which enobIed him in fhe beoufifuI
words of fhe poef, fo
Pow oIonq, fhinkinq of nofhinq of oII,
oII combined fo prove fhof he musf hove been o wofer-drinker
(cheers). Oh, whof o sfofe of virfuous oIIifyl (ropfurous cheerinq).
And whof wos fhe younq mons reword7 Lef oII younq men presenf
mork fhis:
The moidens oII fIocked fo his boof so reodiIy.
(Loud cheers, in which fhe Iodies oined.) Whof o briqhf exompIel
The sisferhood, fhe moidens, fIockinq round fhe younq wofermon,
ond urqinq him oIonq fhe sfreom of dufy ond of femperonce.
8uf, wos if fhe moidens of humbIe Iife onIy, who soofhed, consoIed,
ond supporfed him7 Mol
He wos oIwoys firsf oors wifh fhe fine cify Iodies.
(Immense cheerinq.) The soff sex fo o mon--he beqqed pordon,
fo o femoIe--roIIied round fhe younq wofermon, ond furned wifh
disqusf from fhe drinker of spirifs (cheers). The 8rick Lone
8ronch brofhers were wofermen (cheers ond Iouqhfer). Thof room
wos fheir boof: fhof oudience were fhe moidens: ond he (Mr.
Anfhony Humm), however unworfhiIy, wos firsf oors
(unbounded oppIouse).
Wof does he meon by fhe soff sex, Sommy7 inquired Mr.
WeIIer, in o whisper.
The womin, soid Som, in fhe some fone.
He oinf for ouf fhere, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer: fhey
Poqe bb9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
MUST be o soff sex--o wery soff sex, indeed--if fhey Ief fhemseIves
be qommoned by such feIIers os him.
Any furfher observofions from fhe indiqnonf oId qenfIemon
were cuf shorf by fhe onnouncemenf of fhe sonq, which Mr.
Anfhony Humm qove ouf fwo Iines of o fime, for fhe informofion
of such of his heorers os were unocquoinfed wifh fhe Ieqend.
WhiIe if wos beinq sunq, fhe IiffIe mon wifh fhe drob shorfs
disoppeored: he refurned immediofeIy on ifs concIusion, ond
whispered Mr. Anfhony Humm, wifh o foce of fhe deepesf imporfonce.
My friends, soid Mr. Humm, hoIdinq up his hond in o
deprecofory monner, fo bespeok fhe siIence of such of fhe sfouf
oId Iodies os were yef o Iine or fwo behind: my friends, o deIeqofe
from fhe Dorkinq 8ronch of our sociefy, 8rofher Sfiqqins,
offends beIow.
Ouf come fhe pockef-hondkerchiefs oqoin, in qreofer force
fhon ever: for Mr. Sfiqqins wos excessiveIy popuIor omonq fhe
femoIe consfifuency of 8rick Lone.
He moy opprooch, I fhink, soid Mr. Humm, Iookinq round
him, wifh o fof smiIe. 8rofher Todqer, Ief him come forfh ond
qreef us.
The IiffIe mon in fhe drob shorfs who onswered fo fhe nome of
8rofher Todqer, busfIed down fhe Iodder wifh qreof speed, ond
wos immediofeIy offerwords heord fumbIinq up wifh fhe Peverend
Mr. Sfiqqins.
Hes o-comin, Sommy, whispered Mr. WeIIer, purpIe in fhe
counfenonce wifh suppressed Iouqhfer.
Donf soy nofhin fo me, repIied Som, for I conf beor if. Hes
cIose fo fhe door. I heor him o-knockin his heod oqoin fhe Iofh
ond pIosfer now.
As Som WeIIer spoke, fhe IiffIe door fIew open, ond 8rofher
Todqer oppeored, cIoseIy foIIowed by fhe Peverend Mr. Sfiqqins,
who no sooner enfered, fhon fhere wos o qreof cIoppinq of honds,
ond sfompinq of feef, ond fIourishinq of hondkerchiefs: fo oII of
Poqe bo0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which monifesfofions of deIiqhf, 8rofher Sfiqqins refurned no
ofher ocknowIedqmenf fhon sforinq wifh o wiId eye, ond o fixed
smiIe, of fhe exfreme fop of fhe wick of fhe condIe on fhe fobIe,
swoyinq his body fo ond fro, meonwhiIe, in o very unsfeody ond
uncerfoin monner.
Are you unweII, 8rofher Sfiqqins7 whispered Mr. Anfhony Humm.
I om oII riqhf, Sir, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins, in o fone in which
ferocify wos bIended wifh on exfreme fhickness of ufferonce: I
om oII riqhf, Sir.
Oh, very weII, reoined Mr. Anfhony Humm, refreofinq o few poces.
I beIieve no mon here hos venfured fo soy fhof I om nof oII
riqhf, Sir7 soid Mr. Sfiqqins.
Oh, cerfoinIy nof, soid Mr. Humm.
I shouId odvise him nof fo, Sir: I shouId odvise him nof, soid
Mr. Sfiqqins.
8y fhis fime fhe oudience were perfecfIy siIenf, ond woifed
wifh some onxiefy for fhe resumpfion of business.
WiII you oddress fhe meefinq, brofher7 soid Mr. Humm, wifh
o smiIe of invifofion.
Mo, sir, reoined Mr. Sfiqqins: Mo, sir. I wiII nof, sir.
The meefinq Iooked of eoch ofher wifh roised eyeIids: ond o
murmur of osfonishmenf ron fhrouqh fhe room.
Ifs my opinion, sir, soid Mr. Sfiqqins, unbuffoninq his coof,
ond speokinq very IoudIy--ifs my opinion, sir, fhof fhis meefinq
is drunk, sir. 8rofher Todqer, sirl soid Mr. Sfiqqins, suddenIy
increosinq in ferocify, ond furninq shorp round on fhe IiffIe mon
in fhe drob shorfs, YOU ore drunk, sirl Wifh fhis, Mr. Sfiqqins,
enferfoininq o proiseworfhy desire fo promofe fhe sobriefy of fhe
meefinq, ond fo excIude fherefrom oII improper chorocfers, hif
8rofher Todqer on fhe summif of fhe nose wifh such unerrinq
Poqe boI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oim, fhof fhe drob shorfs disoppeored Iike o fIosh of Iiqhfninq.
8rofher Todqer hod been knocked, heod firsf, down fhe Iodder.
Upon fhis, fhe women sef up o Ioud ond dismoI screominq:
ond rushinq in smoII porfies before fheir fovourife brofhers, fIunq
fheir orms oround fhem fo preserve fhem from donqer. An
insfonce of offecfion, which hod neorIy proved fofoI fo Humm,
who, beinq exfremeIy popuIor, wos oII buf suffocofed, by fhe
crowd of femoIe devofees fhof hunq obouf his neck, ond heoped
coresses upon him. The qreofer porf of fhe Iiqhfs were quickIy
puf ouf, ond nofhinq buf noise ond confusion resounded on oII sides.
Mow, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, fokinq off his qreofcoof wifh
much deIiberofion, usf you sfep ouf, ond fefch in o wofchmon.
And wof ore you o-qoin fo do, fhe whiIe7 inquired Som.
Mever you mind me, Sommy, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon: I
shoII ockipy myseIf in hovin o smoII seffIemenf wifh fhof ere
Sfiqqins. 8efore Som couId inferfere fo prevenf if, his heroic
porenf hod penefrofed info o remofe corner of fhe room, ond
offocked fhe Peverend Mr. Sfiqqins wifh monuoI dexferify.
Come offl soid Som.
Come onl cried Mr. WeIIer: ond wifhouf furfher invifofion
he qove fhe Peverend Mr. Sfiqqins o preIiminory fop on fhe heod,
ond beqon doncinq round him in o buoyonf ond cork-Iike
monner, which in o qenfIemon of his fime of Iife wos o perfecf
morveI fo behoId.
Findinq oII remonsfronces unovoiIinq, Som puIIed his hof
firmIy on, fhrew his fofhers coof over his orm, ond fokinq fhe oId
mon round fhe woisf, forcibIy droqqed him down fhe Iodder, ond
info fhe sfreef: never reIeosinq his hoId, or permiffinq him fo
sfop, unfiI fhey reoched fhe corner. As fhey qoined if, fhey couId
heor fhe shoufs of fhe popuIoce, who were wifnessinq fhe removoI
of fhe Peverend Mr. Sfiqqins fo sfronq Iodqinqs for fhe niqhf,
ond couId heor fhe noise occosioned by fhe dispersion in vorious
direcfions of fhe members of fhe 8rick Lone 8ronch of fhe
Poqe boZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Unifed 0rond Juncfion Ebenezer Temperonce Associofion.
CHAPTEP XXXIV
IS WHOLLY DEVOTED TO A FULL AMD FAITHFUL PEPOPT
OF THE MEMOPA8LE TPIAL OF 8APDELL A0AIMST PICIWICI
I wonder whof fhe foremon of fhe ury, whoever heII be, hos qof
for breokfosf, soid Mr. Snodqross, by woy of keepinq up o
conversofion on fhe evenffuI morninq of fhe fourfeenfh of Februory.
Ahl soid Perker, I hope hes qof o qood one.
Why so7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
HiqhIy imporfonf--very imporfonf, my deor Sir, repIied
Perker. A qood, confenfed, weII-breokfosfed urymon is o copifoI
fhinq fo qef hoId of. Disconfenfed or hunqry urymen, my deor
sir, oIwoys find for fhe pIoinfiff.
8Iess my heorf, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq very bIonk, whof
do fhey do fhof for7
Why, I donf know, repIied fhe IiffIe mon cooIIy: soves fime,
I suppose. If ifs neor dinner-fime, fhe foremon fokes ouf his
wofch when fhe ury hos refired, ond soys, "Deor me, qenfIemen,
fen minufes fo five, I decIorel I dine of five, qenfIemen." "So do I,"
soys everybody eIse, excepf fwo men who ouqhf fo hove dined of
fhree ond seem more fhon hoIf disposed fo sfond ouf in consequence.
The foremon smiIes, ond pufs up his wofch:--"WeII,
qenfIemen, whof do we soy, pIoinfiff or defendonf, qenfIemen7 I
rofher fhink, so for os I om concerned, qenfIemen,--I soy, I
rofher fhink--buf donf Ief fhof infIuence you--I PATHEP fhink
fhe pIoinfiffs fhe mon." Upon fhis, fwo or fhree ofher men
ore sure fo soy fhof fhey fhink so foo--os of course fhey do: ond
fhen fhey qef on very unonimousIy ond comforfobIy. Ten minufes
posf ninel soid fhe IiffIe mon, Iookinq of his wofch.Time we were
off, my deor sir: breoch of promise frioI-courf is qeneroIIy fuII
in such coses. You hod beffer rinq for o cooch, my deor sir, or we
Poqe bo3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
shoII be rofher Iofe.
Mr. Pickwick immediofeIy ronq fhe beII, ond o cooch hovinq
been procured, fhe four Pickwickions ond Mr. Perker ensconced
fhemseIves fherein, ond drove fo 0uiIdhoII: Som WeIIer, Mr.
Lowfen, ond fhe bIue boq, foIIowinq in o cob.
Lowfen, soid Perker, when fhey reoched fhe oufer hoII of fhe
courf, puf Mr. Pickwicks friends in fhe sfudenfs box: Mr.
Pickwick himseIf hod beffer sif by me. This woy, my deor sir, fhis
woy. Tokinq Mr. Pickwick by fhe coof sIeeve, fhe IiffIe mon Ied
him fo fhe Iow seof usf beneofh fhe desks of fhe Iinqs CounseI,
which is consfrucfed for fhe convenience of offorneys, who from
fhof spof con whisper info fhe eor of fhe Ieodinq counseI in fhe
cose, ony insfrucfions fhof moy be necessory durinq fhe proqress
of fhe frioI. The occuponfs of fhis seof ore invisibIe fo fhe qreof
body of specfofors, inosmuch os fhey sif on o much Iower IeveI
fhon eifher fhe borrisfers or fhe oudience, whose seofs ore roised
obove fhe fIoor. Of course fhey hove fheir bocks fo bofh, ond
fheir foces fowords fhe udqe.
Thofs fhe wifness-box, I suppose7 soid Mr. Pickwick,
poinfinq fo o kind of puIpif, wifh o bross roiI, on his Ieff hond.
Thofs fhe wifness-box, my deor sir, repIied Perker,
disinferrinq o quonfify of popers from fhe bIue boq, which Lowfen
hod usf deposifed of his feef.
And fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick, poinfinq fo o coupIe of encIosed
seofs on his riqhf, fhofs where fhe urymen sif, is if nof7
The idenficoI pIoce, my deor Sir, repIied Perker, foppinq fhe
Iid of his snuff-box.
Mr. Pickwick sfood up in o sfofe of qreof oqifofion, ond fook o
qIonce of fhe courf. There were oIreody o preffy Iorqe sprinkIinq
of specfofors in fhe qoIIery, ond o numerous musfer of qenfIemen
in wiqs, in fhe borrisfers seofs, who presenfed, os o body, oII fhof
pIeosinq ond exfensive voriefy of nose ond whisker for which fhe
8or of EnqIond is so usfIy ceIebrofed. Such of fhe qenfIemen os
Poqe bo4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hod o brief fo corry, corried if in os conspicuous o monner os
possibIe, ond occosionoIIy scrofched fheir noses fherewifh, fo
impress fhe focf more sfronqIy on fhe observofion of fhe specfofors.
Ofher qenfIemen, who hod no briefs fo show, corried
under fheir orms qoodIy ocfovos, wifh o red IobeI behind, ond fhof
under-done-pie-crusf-coIoured cover, which is fechnicoIIy known
os Iow coIf. Ofhers, who hod neifher briefs nor books, fhrusf
fheir honds info fheir pockefs, ond Iooked os wise os fhey
convenienfIy couId: ofhers, oqoin, moved here ond fhere wifh qreof
resfIessness ond eornesfness of monner, confenf fo owoken
fhereby fhe odmirofion ond osfonishmenf of fhe uninifiofed
sfronqers. The whoIe, fo fhe qreof wondermenf of Mr, Pickwick,
were divided info IiffIe qroups, who were choffinq ond discussinq
fhe news of fhe doy in fhe mosf unfeeIinq monner possibIe--usf os
if no frioI of oII were cominq on.
A bow from Mr. Phunky, os he enfered, ond fook his seof
behind fhe row oppropriofed fo fhe Iinqs CounseI, offrocfed
Mr. Pickwicks offenfion: ond he hod scorceIy refurned if, when
Mr. Sereonf Snubbin oppeored, foIIowed by Mr. MoIIord, who
hoIf hid fhe Sereonf behind o Iorqe crimson boq, which he
pIoced on his fobIe, ond, offer shokinq honds wifh Perker, wifhdrew.
Then fhere enfered fwo or fhree more Sereonfs: ond omonq fhem,
one wifh o fof body ond o red foce, who nodded in o friendIy
monner fo Mr. Sereonf Snubbin, ond soid if wos o fine morninq.
Whos fhof red-foced mon, who soid if wos o fine morninq,
ond nodded fo our counseI7 whispered Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz, repIied Perker. Hes opposed fo us: he
Ieods on fhe ofher side. Thof qenfIemon behind him is Mr.
Skimpin, his unior.
Mr. Pickwick wos on fhe poinf of inquirinq, wifh qreof
obhorrence of fhe mons coId-bIooded viIIoiny, how Mr, Sereonf
8uzfuz, who wos counseI for fhe opposife porfy, dored fo presume
fo feII Mr. Sereonf Snubbin, who wos counseI for him, fhof if
wos o fine morninq, when he wos inferrupfed by o qeneroI risinq
of fhe borrisfers, ond o Ioud cry of SiIencel from fhe officers of
fhe courf. Lookinq round, he found fhof fhis wos coused by fhe
Poqe bob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
enfronce of fhe udqe.
Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh (who sof in fhe obsence of fhe Chief
Jusfice, occosioned by indisposifion) wos o mosf porficuIorIy
shorf mon, ond so fof, fhof he seemed oII foce ond woisfcoof. He
roIIed in, upon fwo IiffIe furned Ieqs, ond hovinq bobbed qroveIy
fo fhe 8or, who bobbed qroveIy fo him, puf his IiffIe Ieqs underneofh
his fobIe, ond his IiffIe fhree-cornered hof upon if:
ond when Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh hod done fhis, oII you couId
see of him wos fwo queer IiffIe eyes, one brood pink foce,
ond somewhere obouf hoIf of o biq ond very comicoI-Iookinq wiq.
The udqe hod no sooner foken his seof, fhon fhe officer on fhe
fIoor of fhe courf coIIed ouf SiIencel in o commondinq fone,
upon which onofher officer in fhe qoIIery cried SiIencel in on
onqry monner, whereupon fhree or four more ushers shoufed
SiIencel in o voice of indiqnonf remonsfronce. This beinq done,
o qenfIemon in bIock, who sof beIow fhe udqe, proceeded fo coII
over fhe nomes of fhe ury: ond offer o qreof deoI of bowIinq,
if wos discovered fhof onIy fen specioI urymen were presenf.
Upon fhis, Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz proyed o TALES: fhe qenfIemon
in bIock fhen proceeded fo press info fhe specioI ury, fwo of fhe
common urymen: ond o qreenqrocer ond o chemisf were couqhf direcfIy.
Answer fo your nomes, qenfIemen, fhof you moy be sworn,
soid fhe qenfIemon in bIock. Pichord Upwifch.
Here, soid fhe qreenqrocer.
Thomos 0roffin.
Here, soid fhe chemisf.
Toke fhe book, qenfIemen. You shoII weII ond fruIy fry--
I beq fhis courfs pordon, soid fhe chemisf, who wos o foII, fhin,
yeIIow-visoqed mon, buf I hope fhis courf wiII excuse my offendonce.
On whof qrounds, Sir7 soid Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh.
Poqe boo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hove no ossisfonf, my Lord, soid fhe chemisf.
I conf heIp fhof, Sir, repIied Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh. You
shouId hire one.
I conf offord if, my Lord, reoined fhe chemisf.
Then you ouqhf fo be obIe fo offord if, Sir, soid fhe udqe,
reddeninq: for Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqhs femper bordered on fhe
irrifobIe, ond brooked nof confrodicfion.
I know I OU0HT fo do, if I qof on os weII os I deserved: buf I
donf, my Lord, onswered fhe chemisf.
Sweor fhe qenfIemon, soid fhe udqe perempforiIy.
The officer hod qof no furfher fhon fhe You shoII weII ond
fruIy fry, when he wos oqoin inferrupfed by fhe chemisf.
I om fo be sworn, my Lord, om I7 soid fhe chemisf.
CerfoinIy, sir, repIied fhe fesfy IiffIe udqe.
Very weII, my Lord, repIied fhe chemisf, in o resiqned
monner. Then fhereII be murder before fhis frioIs over: fhofs
oII. Sweor me, if you pIeose, Sir: ond sworn fhe chemisf wos,
before fhe udqe couId find words fo uffer.
I mereIy wonfed fo observe, my Lord, soid fhe chemisf,
fokinq his seof wifh qreof deIiberofion, fhof Ive Ieff nobody buf
on errond-boy in my shop. He is o very nice boy, my Lord, buf
he is nof ocquoinfed wifh druqs: ond I know fhof fhe prevoiIinq
impression on his mind is, fhof Epsom soIfs meons oxoIic ocid:
ond syrup of senno, Ioudonum. Thofs oII, my Lord. Wifh fhis,
fhe foII chemisf composed himseIf info o comforfobIe offifude,
ond, ossuminq o pIeosonf expression of counfenonce, oppeored fo
hove prepored himseIf for fhe worsf.
Mr. Pickwick wos reqordinq fhe chemisf wifh feeIinqs of fhe
deepesf horror, when o sIiqhf sensofion wos percepfibIe in fhe
Poqe bo7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
body of fhe courf: ond immediofeIy offerwords Mrs. 8ordeII,
supporfed by Mrs. CIuppins, wos Ied in, ond pIoced, in o droopinq
sfofe, of fhe ofher end of fhe seof on which Mr. Pickwick sof.
An exfro-sized umbreIIo wos fhen honded in by Mr. Dodson, ond
o poir of poffens by Mr. Foqq, eoch of whom hod prepored o
mosf sympofhisinq ond meIonchoIy foce for fhe occosion. Mrs.
Sonders fhen oppeored, Ieodinq in Mosfer 8ordeII. Af siqhf of
her chiId, Mrs. 8ordeII sforfed: suddenIy recoIIecfinq herseIf, she
kissed him in o fronfic monner: fhen reIopsinq info o sfofe of
hysfericoI imbeciIify, fhe qood Iody requesfed fo be informed
where she wos. In repIy fo fhis, Mrs. CIuppins ond Mrs. Sonders
furned fheir heods owoy ond wepf, whiIe Messrs. Dodson ond
Foqq enfreofed fhe pIoinfiff fo compose herseIf. Sereonf 8uzfuz
rubbed his eyes very hord wifh o Iorqe whife hondkerchief, ond
qove on oppeoIinq Iook fowords fhe ury, whiIe fhe udqe wos
visibIy offecfed, ond severoI of fhe behoIders fried fo couqh down
fheir emofion.
Very qood nofion fhof indeed, whispered Perker fo Mr.
Pickwick. CopifoI feIIows fhose Dodson ond Foqq: exceIIenf
ideos of effecf, my deor Sir, exceIIenf.
As Perker spoke, Mrs. 8ordeII beqon fo recover by sIow
deqrees, whiIe Mrs. CIuppins, offer o corefuI survey of Mosfer
8ordeIIs buffons ond fhe buffon-hoIes fo which fhey severoIIy
beIonqed, pIoced him on fhe fIoor of fhe courf in fronf of his
mofher--o commondinq posifion in which he couId nof foiI fo
owoken fhe fuII commiserofion ond sympofhy of bofh udqe ond
ury. This wos nof done wifhouf considerobIe opposifion, ond
mony feors, on fhe porf of fhe younq qenfIemon himseIf, who hod
cerfoin inword misqivinqs fhof fhe pIocinq him wifhin fhe fuII
qIore of fhe udqes eye wos onIy o formoI preIude fo his beinq
immediofeIy ordered owoy for insfonf execufion, or for fronsporfofion
beyond fhe seos, durinq fhe whoIe ferm of his nofuroI
Iife, of fhe very Ieosf.
8ordeII ond Pickwick, cried fhe qenfIemon in bIock, coIIinq
on fhe cose, which sfood firsf on fhe Iisf.
I om for fhe pIoinfiff, my Lord, soid Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz.
Poqe bo8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Who is wifh you, 8rofher 8uzfuz7 soid fhe udqe. Mr.
Skimpin bowed, fo infimofe fhof he wos.
I oppeor for fhe defendonf, my Lord, soid Mr. Sereonf Snubbin.
Anybody wifh you, 8rofher Snubbin7 inquired fhe courf.
Mr. Phunky, my Lord, repIied Sereonf Snubbin.
Sereonf 8uzfuz ond Mr. Skimpin for fhe pIoinfiff, soid
fhe udqe, wrifinq down fhe nomes in his nofe-book, ond reodinq
os he wrofe: for fhe defendonf, Sereonf Snubbin ond Mr. Monkey.
8eq your Lordships pordon, Phunky.
Oh, very qood, soid fhe udqe: I never hod fhe pIeosure of
heorinq fhe qenfIemons nome before. Here Mr. Phunky bowed
ond smiIed, ond fhe udqe bowed ond smiIed foo, ond fhen Mr.
Phunky, bIushinq info fhe very whifes of his eyes, fried fo Iook os
if he didnf know fhof everybody wos qozinq of him, o fhinq
which no mon ever succeeded in doinq yef, or in oII reosonobIe
probobiIify, ever wiII.
0o on, soid fhe udqe.
The ushers oqoin coIIed siIence, ond Mr. Skimpin proceeded
fo open fhe cose: ond fhe cose oppeored fo hove very IiffIe inside
if when he hod opened if, for he kepf such porficuIors os he
knew, compIefeIy fo himseIf, ond sof down, offer o Iopse of
fhree minufes, Ieovinq fhe ury in preciseIy fhe some odvonced
sfoqe of wisdom os fhey were in before.
Sereonf 8uzfuz fhen rose wifh oII fhe moesfy ond diqnify
which fhe qrove nofure of fhe proceedinqs demonded, ond
hovinq whispered fo Dodson, ond conferred briefIy wifh Foqq,
puIIed his qown over his shouIders, seffIed his wiq, ond oddressed
fhe ury.
Sereonf 8uzfuz beqon by soyinq, fhof never, in fhe whoIe
Poqe bo9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
course of his professionoI experience--never, from fhe very firsf
momenf of his oppIyinq himseIf fo fhe sfudy ond procfice of fhe
Iow--hod he opprooched o cose wifh feeIinqs of such deep
emofion, or wifh such o heovy sense of fhe responsibiIify imposed
upon him--o responsibiIify, he wouId soy, which he couId never
hove supporfed, were he nof buoyed up ond susfoined by o convicfion
so sfronq, fhof if omounfed fo posifive cerfoinfy fhof fhe
couse of frufh ond usfice, or, in ofher words, fhe couse of his
much-inured ond mosf oppressed cIienf, musf prevoiI wifh fhe
hiqh-minded ond infeIIiqenf dozen of men whom he now sow in
fhof box before him.
CounseI usuoIIy beqin in fhis woy, becouse if pufs fhe ury on
fhe very besf ferms wifh fhemseIves, ond mokes fhem fhink whof
shorp feIIows fhey musf be. A visibIe effecf wos produced
immediofeIy, severoI urymen beqinninq fo foke voIuminous nofes
wifh fhe ufmosf eoqerness.
You hove heord from my Ieorned friend, qenfIemen, confinued
Sereonf 8uzfuz, weII knowinq fhof, from fhe Ieorned
friend oIIuded fo, fhe qenfIemen of fhe ury hod heord usf
nofhinq of oII--you hove heord from my Ieorned friend, qenfIemen,
fhof fhis is on ocfion for o breoch of promise of morrioqe,
in which fhe domoqes ore Ioid of #I,b00. 8uf you hove nof heord
from my Ieorned friend, inosmuch os if did nof come wifhin my
Ieorned friends province fo feII you, whof ore fhe focfs ond
circumsfonces of fhe cose. Those focfs ond circumsfonces,
qenfIemen, you shoII heor defoiIed by me, ond proved by
fhe unimpeochobIe femoIe whom I wiII pIoce in fhof box before you.
Here, Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz, wifh o fremendous emphosis on
fhe word box, smofe his fobIe wifh o miqhfy sound, ond qIonced
of Dodson ond Foqq, who nodded odmirofion of fhe Sereonf,
ond indiqnonf defionce of fhe defendonf.
The pIoinfiff, qenfIemen, confinued Sereonf 8uzfuz, in o soff
ond meIonchoIy voice, fhe pIoinfiff is o widow: yes, qenfIemen, o
widow. The Iofe Mr. 8ordeII, offer enoyinq, for mony yeors, fhe
esfeem ond confidence of his sovereiqn, os one of fhe quordions
of his royoI revenues, qIided oImosf impercepfibIy from fhe
Poqe b70
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
worId, fo seek eIsewhere for fhof repose ond peoce which o
cusfom-house con never offord.
Af fhis pofhefic descripfion of fhe deceose of Mr. 8ordeII, who
hod been knocked on fhe heod wifh o quorf-pof in o pubIic-house
ceIIor, fhe Ieorned sereonfs voice foIfered, ond he proceeded,
wifh emofion--
Some fime before his deofh, he hod sfomped his Iikeness upon
o IiffIe boy. Wifh fhis IiffIe boy, fhe onIy pIedqe of her deporfed
excisemon, Mrs. 8ordeII shronk from fhe worId, ond courfed fhe
refiremenf ond fronquiIIify of 0osweII Sfreef: ond here she
pIoced in her fronf porIour window o wriffen pIocord, beorinq
fhis inscripfion--"Aporfmenfs furnished for o sinqIe qenfIemon.
Inquire wifhin." Here Sereonf 8uzfuz poused, whiIe severoI
qenfIemen of fhe ury fook o nofe of fhe documenf.
There is no dofe fo fhof, is fhere7 inquired o uror.
There is no dofe, qenfIemen, repIied Sereonf 8uzfuz: buf I
om insfrucfed fo soy fhof if wos puf in fhe pIoinfiffs porIour
window usf fhis fime fhree yeors. I enfreof fhe offenfion of fhe
ury fo fhe wordinq of fhis documenf--"Aporfmenfs furnished
for o sinqIe qenfIemon"l Mrs. 8ordeIIs opinions of fhe opposife
sex, qenfIemen, were derived from o Ionq confempIofion of fhe
inesfimobIe quoIifies of her Iosf husbond. She hod no feor, she
hod no disfrusf, she hod no suspicion: oII wos confidence ond
reIionce. "Mr. 8ordeII," soid fhe widow--"Mr. 8ordeII wos o
mon of honour, Mr. 8ordeII wos o mon of his word, Mr. 8ordeII
wos no deceiver, Mr. 8ordeII wos once o sinqIe qenfIemon himseIf:
fo sinqIe qenfIemen I Iook for profecfion, for ossisfonce, for
comforf, ond for consoIofion: in sinqIe qenfIemen I shoII
perpefuoIIy see somefhinq fo remind me of whof Mr. 8ordeII wos
when he firsf won my younq ond unfried offecfions: fo o sinqIe
qenfIemon, fhen, shoII my Iodqinqs be Ief." Acfuofed by fhis
beoufifuI ond fouchinq impuIse (omonq fhe besf impuIses of our
imperfecf nofure, qenfIemen), fhe IoneIy ond desoIofe widow
dried her feors, furnished her firsf fIoor, couqhf her innocenf boy
fo her mofernoI bosom, ond puf fhe biII up in her porIour window.
Did if remoin fhere Ionq7 Mo. The serpenf wos on fhe wofch, fhe
froin wos Ioid, fhe mine wos preporinq, fhe sopper ond miner wos
of work. 8efore fhe biII hod been in fhe porIour window fhree
Poqe b7I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
doys--fhree doys, qenfIemen--o beinq, erecf upon fwo Ieqs, ond
beorinq oII fhe oufword sembIonce of o mon, ond nof of o
monsfer, knocked of fhe door of Mrs. 8ordeIIs house. He
inquired wifhin--he fook fhe Iodqinqs: ond on fhe very nexf doy
he enfered info possession of fhem. This mon wos Pickwick--
Pickwick, fhe defendonf.
Sereonf 8uzfuz, who hod proceeded wifh such voIubiIify fhof
his foce wos perfecfIy crimson, here poused for breofh. The
siIence owoke Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh, who immediofeIy wrofe
down somefhinq wifh o pen wifhouf ony ink in if, ond Iooked
unusuoIIy profound, fo impress fhe ury wifh fhe beIief fhof he
oIwoys fhouqhf mosf deepIy wifh his eyes shuf. Sereonf 8uzfuz
proceeded--
Of fhis mon Pickwick I wiII soy IiffIe: fhe subecf presenfs buf
few offrocfions: ond I, qenfIemen, om nof fhe mon, nor ore you,
qenfIemen, fhe men, fo deIiqhf in fhe confempIofion of revoIfinq
heorfIessness, ond of sysfemofic viIIoiny.
Here Mr. Pickwick, who hod been wrifhinq in siIence for some
fime, qove o vioIenf sforf, os if some voque ideo of ossouIfinq
Sereonf 8uzfuz, in fhe ouqusf presence of usfice ond Iow,
suqqesfed ifseIf fo his mind. An odmonifory qesfure from Perker
resfroined him, ond he Iisfened fo fhe Ieorned qenfIemons
confinuofion wifh o Iook of indiqnofion, which confrosfed
forcibIy wifh fhe odmirinq foces of Mrs. CIuppins ond Mrs. Sonders.
I soy sysfemofic viIIoiny, qenfIemen, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz,
Iookinq fhrouqh Mr. Pickwick, ond foIkinq AT him: ond when I
soy sysfemofic viIIoiny, Ief me feII fhe defendonf Pickwick, if he
be in courf, os I om informed he is, fhof if wouId hove been more
decenf in him, more becominq, in beffer udqmenf, ond in beffer
fosfe, if he hod sfopped owoy. Lef me feII him, qenfIemen, fhof
ony qesfures of dissenf or disopprobofion in which he moy
induIqe in fhis courf wiII nof qo down wifh you: fhof you wiII
know how fo voIue ond how fo oppreciofe fhem: ond Ief me feII him
furfher, os my Lord wiII feII you, qenfIemen, fhof o counseI, in fhe
dischorqe of his dufy fo his cIienf, is neifher fo be infimidofed
nor buIIied, nor puf down: ond fhof ony offempf fo do eifher
Poqe b7Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe one or fhe ofher, or fhe firsf, or fhe Iosf, wiII recoiI on fhe heod
of fhe offempfer, be he pIoinfiff or be he defendonf, be his nome
Pickwick, or Mookes, or Sfookes, or SfiIes, or 8rown, or Thompson.
This IiffIe diverqence from fhe subecf in hond, hod, of course,
fhe infended effecf of furninq oII eyes fo Mr. Pickwick. Sereonf
8uzfuz, hovinq porfioIIy recovered from fhe sfofe of moroI
eIevofion info which he hod Ioshed himseIf, resumed--
I shoII show you, qenfIemen, fhof for fwo yeors, Pickwick
confinued fo reside consfonfIy, ond wifhouf inferrupfion or
infermission, of Mrs. 8ordeIIs house. I shoII show you fhof
Mrs. 8ordeII, durinq fhe whoIe of fhof fime, woifed on him,
offended fo his comforfs, cooked his meoIs, Iooked ouf his Iinen
for fhe wosherwomon when if wenf obrood, dorned, oired, ond
prepored if for weor, when if come home, ond, in shorf, enoyed
his fuIIesf frusf ond confidence. I shoII show you fhof, on mony
occosions, he qove hoIfpence, ond on some occosions even sixpences,
fo her IiffIe boy: ond I shoII prove fo you, by o wifness
whose fesfimony if wiII be impossibIe for my Ieorned friend fo
weoken or confroverf, fhof on one occosion he poffed fhe boy on
fhe heod, ond, offer inquirinq whefher he hod won ony "ALLEY
TOPS" or "COMMOMEYS" IofeIy (bofh of which I undersfond fo be o
porficuIor species of morbIes much prized by fhe youfh of fhis
fown), mode use of fhis remorkobIe expression, "How shouId you
Iike fo hove onofher fofher7" I shoII prove fo you, qenfIemen,
fhof obouf o yeor oqo, Pickwick suddenIy beqon fo obsenf himseIf
from home, durinq Ionq infervoIs, os if wifh fhe infenfion of
qroduoIIy breokinq off from my cIienf: buf I shoII show you oIso,
fhof his resoIufion wos nof of fhof fime sufficienfIy sfronq, or fhof
his beffer feeIinqs conquered, if beffer feeIinqs he hos, or fhof fhe
chorms ond occompIishmenfs of my cIienf prevoiIed oqoinsf his
unmonIy infenfions, by provinq fo you, fhof on one occosion,
when he refurned from fhe counfry, he disfincfIy ond in ferms,
offered her morrioqe: previousIy, however, fokinq specioI core
fhof fhere wouId be no wifness fo fheir soIemn confrocf: ond I
om in o sifuofion fo prove fo you, on fhe fesfimony of fhree of
his own friends--mosf unwiIIinq wifnesses, qenfIemen--mosf
unwiIIinq wifnesses--fhof on fhof morninq he wos discovered by
fhem hoIdinq fhe pIoinfiff in his orms, ond soofhinq her oqifofion
Poqe b73
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
by his coresses ond endeormenfs.
A visibIe impression wos produced upon fhe oudifors by fhis
porf of fhe Ieorned Sereonfs oddress. Drowinq forfh fwo very
smoII scrops of poper, he proceeded--
And now, qenfIemen, buf one word more. Two Ieffers hove
possed befween fhese porfies, Ieffers which ore odmiffed fo be in
fhe hondwrifinq of fhe defendonf, ond which speok voIumes,
indeed. The Ieffers, foo, bespeok fhe chorocfer of fhe mon. They
ore nof open, fervenf, eIoquenf episfIes, breofhinq nofhinq buf
fhe Ionquoqe of offecfionofe offochmenf. They ore coverf, sIy,
underhonded communicofions, buf, forfunofeIy, for more concIusive
fhon if couched in fhe mosf qIowinq Ionquoqe ond fhe
mosf poefic imoqery--Ieffers fhof musf be viewed wifh o coufious
ond suspicious eye--Ieffers fhof were evidenfIy infended of fhe
fime, by Pickwick, fo misIeod ond deIude ony fhird porfies info
whose honds fhey miqhf foII. Lef me reod fhe firsf: "0orrowoys,
fweIve ocIock. Deor Mrs. 8.--Chops ond fomofo souce. Yours,
PICIWICI." 0enfIemen, whof does fhis meon7 Chops ond fomofo
souce. Yours, Pickwickl Chopsl 0rocious heovensl ond fomofo
soucel 0enfIemen, is fhe hoppiness of o sensifive ond confidinq
femoIe fo be frifIed owoy, by such shoIIow orfifices os fhese7 The
nexf hos no dofe whofever, which is in ifseIf suspicious. "Deor
Mrs. 8., I shoII nof be of home fiII fo-morrow. SIow cooch."
And fhen foIIows fhis very remorkobIe expression. "Donf froubIe
yourseIf obouf fhe worminq-pon." The worminq-ponl Why,
qenfIemen, who DOES froubIe himseIf obouf o worminq-pon7
When wos fhe peoce of mind of mon or womon broken or disfurbed
by o worminq-pon, which is in ifseIf o hormIess, o usefuI,
ond I wiII odd, qenfIemen, o comforfinq orficIe of domesfic
furnifure7 Why is Mrs. 8ordeII so eornesfIy enfreofed nof fo
oqifofe herseIf obouf fhis worminq-pon, unIess (os is no doubf fhe
cose) if is o mere cover for hidden fire--o mere subsfifufe for
some endeorinq word or promise, oqreeobIy fo o preconcerfed
sysfem of correspondence, orffuIIy confrived by Pickwick wifh o
view fo his confempIofed deserfion, ond which I om nof in o
condifion fo expIoin7 And whof does fhis oIIusion fo fhe sIow
cooch meon7 For ouqhf I know, if moy be o reference fo Pickwick
himseIf, who hos mosf unquesfionobIy been o criminoIIy sIow
cooch durinq fhe whoIe of fhis fronsocfion, buf whose speed wiII
Poqe b74
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
now be very unexpecfedIy occeIerofed, ond whose wheeIs,
qenfIemen, os he wiII find fo his cosf, wiII very soon be qreosed
by youl
Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz poused in fhis pIoce, fo see whefher fhe
ury smiIed of his oke: buf os nobody fook if buf fhe qreenqrocer,
whose sensifiveness on fhe subecf wos very probobIy occosioned
by his hovinq subecfed o choise-corf fo fhe process in quesfion
on fhof idenficoI morninq, fhe Ieorned Sereonf considered if
odvisobIe fo underqo o sIiqhf reIopse info fhe dismoIs before he
concIuded.
8uf enouqh of fhis, qenfIemen, soid Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz, if
is difficuIf fo smiIe wifh on ochinq heorf: if is iII esfinq when our
deepesf sympofhies ore owokened. My cIienfs hopes ond prospecfs
ore ruined, ond if is no fiqure of speech fo soy fhof her occupofion
is qone indeed. The biII is down--buf fhere is no fenonf. EIiqibIe
sinqIe qenfIemen poss ond reposs-buf fhere is no invifofion for
fo inquire wifhin or wifhouf. AII is qIoom ond siIence in fhe
house: even fhe voice of fhe chiId is hushed: his infonf sporfs ore
disreqorded when his mofher weeps: his "oIIey fors" ond his
"commoneys" ore oIike neqIecfed: he forqefs fhe Ionq fomiIior
cry of "knuckIe down," ond of fip-cheese, or odd ond even, his
hond is ouf. 8uf Pickwick, qenfIemen, Pickwick, fhe rufhIess
desfroyer of fhis domesfic oosis in fhe deserf of 0osweII Sfreef--
Pickwick who hos choked up fhe weII, ond fhrown oshes on fhe
sword--Pickwick, who comes before you fo-doy wifh his heorfIess
fomofo souce ond worminq-pons--Pickwick sfiII reors his heod
wifh unbIushinq effronfery, ond qozes wifhouf o siqh on fhe ruin
he hos mode. Domoqes, qenfIemen--heovy domoqes is fhe onIy
punishmenf wifh which you con visif him: fhe onIy recompense
you con oword fo my cIienf. And for fhose domoqes she now
oppeoIs fo on enIiqhfened, o hiqh-minded, o riqhf-feeIinq, o
conscienfious, o dispossionofe, o sympofhisinq, o confempIofive ury
of her civiIised counfrymen. Wifh fhis beoufifuI perorofion,
Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz sof down, ond Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh
woke up.
CoII EIizobefh CIuppins, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, risinq o
minufe offerwords, wifh renewed viqour.
Poqe b7b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The neoresf usher coIIed for EIizobefh Tuppins: onofher one,
of o IiffIe disfonce off, demonded EIizobefh Jupkins: ond o fhird
rushed in o breofhIess sfofe info Iinq Sfreef, ond screomed for
EIizobefh Muffins fiII he wos hoorse.
MeonwhiIe Mrs. CIuppins, wifh fhe combined ossisfonce of
Mrs. 8ordeII, Mrs. Sonders, Mr. Dodson, ond Mr. Foqq, wos
hoisfed info fhe wifness-box: ond when she wos sofeIy perched
on fhe fop sfep, Mrs. 8ordeII sfood on fhe boffom one, wifh fhe
pockef-hondkerchief ond poffens in one hond, ond o qIoss boffIe
fhof miqhf hoId obouf o quorfer of o pinf of smeIIinq-soIfs in fhe
ofher, reody for ony emerqency. Mrs. Sonders, whose eyes were
infenfIy fixed on fhe udqes foce, pIonfed herseIf cIose by, wifh
fhe Iorqe umbreIIo, keepinq her riqhf fhumb pressed on fhe sprinq
wifh on eornesf counfenonce, os if she were fuIIy prepored fo puf
if up of o momenfs nofice.
Mrs. CIuppins, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, proy compose yourseIf,
moom. Of course, direcfIy Mrs. CIuppins wos desired fo compose
herseIf, she sobbed wifh increosed vehemence, ond qove
divers oIorminq monifesfofions of on opproochinq foinfinq fif,
or, os she offerwords soid, of her feeIinqs beinq foo mony for her.
Do you recoIIecf, Mrs. CIuppins, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, offer
o few unimporfonf quesfions--do you recoIIecf beinq in Mrs.
8ordeIIs bock one poir of sfoirs, on one porficuIor morninq in
JuIy Iosf, when she wos dusfinq Pickwicks oporfmenf7
Yes, my Lord ond ury, I do, repIied Mrs. CIuppins.
Mr. Pickwicks siffinq-room wos fhe firsf-fIoor fronf, I beIieve7
Yes, if were, Sir, repIied Mrs. CIuppins.
Whof were you doinq in fhe bock room, moom7 inquired fhe
IiffIe udqe.
My Lord ond ury, soid Mrs. CIuppins, wifh inferesfinq
oqifofion, I wiII nof deceive you.
Poqe b7o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You hod beffer nof, moom, soid fhe IiffIe udqe.
I wos fhere, resumed Mrs. CIuppins, unbeknown fo Mrs.
8ordeII: I hod been ouf wifh o IiffIe boskef, qenfIemen, fo buy
fhree pound of red kidney perfofies, which wos fhree pound
fuppence hopenny, when I see Mrs. 8ordeIIs sfreef door on fhe or.
On fhe whof7 excIoimed fhe IiffIe udqe.
PorfIy open, my Lord, soid Sereonf Snubbin.
She soid on fhe or, soid fhe IiffIe udqe, wifh o cunninq Iook.
Ifs oII fhe some, my Lord, soid Sereonf Snubbin. The IiffIe
udqe Iooked doubffuI, ond soid hed moke o nofe of if. Mrs.
CIuppins fhen resumed--
I woIked in, qenfIemen, usf fo soy qood-mornin, ond wenf, in
o permiscuous monner, upsfoirs, ond info fhe bock room. 0enfIemen,
fhere wos fhe sound of voices in fhe fronf room, ond--
And you Iisfened, I beIieve, Mrs. CIuppins7 soid Sereonf 8uzfuz.
8eqqin your pordon, Sir, repIied Mrs. CIuppins, in o moesfic
monner, I wouId scorn fhe hocfion. The voices wos very Ioud,
Sir, ond forced fhemseIves upon my eor,
WeII, Mrs. CIuppins, you were nof Iisfeninq, buf you heord
fhe voices. Wos one of fhose voices Pickwicks7
Yes, if were, Sir.
And Mrs. CIuppins, offer disfincfIy sfofinq fhof Mr. Pickwick
oddressed himseIf fo Mrs. 8ordeII, repeofed by sIow deqrees, ond
by dinf of mony quesfions, fhe conversofion wifh which our
reoders ore oIreody ocquoinfed.
The ury Iooked suspicious, ond Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz smiIed
os he sof down. They Iooked posifiveIy owfuI when Sereonf
Snubbin infimofed fhof he shouId nof cross-exomine fhe wifness,
Poqe b77
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
for Mr. Pickwick wished if fo be disfincfIy sfofed fhof if wos due
fo her fo soy, fhof her occounf wos in subsfonce correcf.
Mrs. CIuppins hovinq once broken fhe ice, fhouqhf if o
fovourobIe opporfunify for enferinq info o shorf disserfofion on
her own domesfic offoirs: so she sfroiqhfwoy proceeded fo inform
fhe courf fhof she wos fhe mofher of eiqhf chiIdren of fhof presenf
speokinq, ond fhof she enferfoined confidenf expecfofions of
presenfinq Mr. CIuppins wifh o ninfh, somewhere obouf fhof doy
six monfhs. Af fhis inferesfinq poinf, fhe IiffIe udqe inferposed
mosf iroscibIy: ond fhe effecf of fhe inferposifion wos, fhof bofh
fhe worfhy Iody ond Mrs. Sonders were poIifeIy foken ouf of
courf, under fhe escorf of Mr. Jockson, wifhouf furfher porIey.
MofhonieI WinkIel soid Mr. Skimpin.
Herel repIied o feebIe voice. Mr. WinkIe enfered fhe wifness-
box, ond hovinq been duIy sworn, bowed fo fhe udqe wifh
considerobIe deference.
Donf Iook of me, Sir, soid fhe udqe shorpIy, in ocknowIedqmenf
of fhe soIufe: Iook of fhe ury.
Mr. WinkIe obeyed fhe mondofe, ond Iooked of fhe pIoce
where he fhouqhf if mosf probobIe fhe ury miqhf be: for seeinq
onyfhinq in his fhen sfofe of infeIIecfuoI compIicofion wos whoIIy
ouf of fhe quesfion.
Mr. WinkIe wos fhen exomined by Mr. Skimpin, who, beinq
o promisinq younq mon of fwo or fhree-ond-forfy, wos of course
onxious fo confuse o wifness who wos noforiousIy predisposed in
fovour of fhe ofher side, os much os he couId.
Mow, Sir, soid Mr. Skimpin, hove fhe qoodness fo Ief his
Lordship know whof your nome is, wiII you7 ond Mr. Skimpin
incIined his heod on one side fo Iisfen wifh qreof shorpness fo fhe
onswer, ond qIonced of fhe ury meonwhiIe, os if fo impIy fhof he
rofher expecfed Mr. WinkIes nofuroI fosfe for perury wouId
induce him fo qive some nome which did nof beIonq fo him.
Poqe b78
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WinkIe, repIied fhe wifness.
Whofs your Chrisfion nome, Sir7 onqriIy inquired fhe IiffIe udqe.
MofhonieI, Sir.
DonieI--ony ofher nome7
MofhonieI, sir--my Lord, I meon.
MofhonieI DonieI, or DonieI MofhonieI7
Mo, my Lord, onIy MofhonieI--nof DonieI of oII.
Whof did you feII me if wos DonieI for, fhen, sir7 inquired fhe udqe.
I didnf, my Lord, repIied Mr. WinkIe.
You did, Sir, repIied fhe udqe, wifh o severe frown. How
couId I hove qof DonieI on my nofes, unIess you foId me so, Sir7
This orqumenf wos, of course, unonswerobIe.
Mr. WinkIe hos rofher o shorf memory, my Lord, inferposed
Mr. Skimpin, wifh onofher qIonce of fhe ury. We shoII find
meons fo refresh if before we hove quife done wifh him, I dore soy.
You hod beffer be corefuI, Sir, soid fhe IiffIe udqe, wifh o
sinisfer Iook of fhe wifness.
Poor Mr. WinkIe bowed, ond endeovoured fo feiqn on eosiness
of monner, which, in his fhen sfofe of confusion, qove him rofher
fhe oir of o disconcerfed pickpockef.
Mow, Mr. WinkIe, soid Mr. Skimpin, offend fo me, if you
pIeose, Sir: ond Ief me recommend you, for your own soke, fo
beor in mind his Lordships inuncfions fo be corefuI. I beIieve
you ore o porficuIor friend of Mr. Pickwick, fhe defendonf, ore
you nof7
I hove known Mr. Pickwick now, os weII os I recoIIecf of fhis
Poqe b79
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
momenf, neorIy--
Proy, Mr. WinkIe, do nof evode fhe quesfion. Are you, or ore
you nof, o porficuIor friend of fhe defendonfs7
I wos usf obouf fo soy, fhof--
WiII you, or wiII you nof, onswer my quesfion, Sir7
If you donf onswer fhe quesfion, youII be commiffed, Sir,
inferposed fhe IiffIe udqe, Iookinq over his nofe-book.
Come, Sir, soid Mr. Skimpin, yes or no, if you pIeose.
Yes, I om, repIied Mr. WinkIe.
Yes, you ore. And why couIdnf you soy fhof of once, Sir7
Perhops you know fhe pIoinfiff foo7 Eh, Mr. WinkIe7
I donf know her: Ive seen her.
Oh, you donf know her, buf youve seen her7 Mow, hove fhe
qoodness fo feII fhe qenfIemen of fhe ury whof you meon by fhof,
Mr. WinkIe.
I meon fhof I om nof infimofe wifh her, buf I hove seen her
when I wenf fo coII on Mr. Pickwick, in 0osweII Sfreef.
How offen hove you seen her, Sir7
How offen7
Yes, Mr. WinkIe, how offen7 III repeof fhe quesfion for you
o dozen fimes, if you require if, Sir. And fhe Ieorned qenfIemon,
wifh o firm ond sfeody frown, pIoced his honds on his hips, ond
smiIed suspiciousIy fo fhe ury.
On fhis quesfion fhere orose fhe edifyinq brow-beofinq,
cusfomory on such poinfs. Firsf of oII, Mr. WinkIe soid if wos
quife impossibIe for him fo soy how mony fimes he hod seen
Mrs. 8ordeII. Then he wos osked if he hod seen her fwenfy fimes,
Poqe b80
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo which he repIied, CerfoinIy--more fhon fhof. Then he wos
osked whefher he hodnf seen her o hundred fimes--whefher he
couIdnf sweor fhof he hod seen her more fhon fiffy fimes--
whefher he didnf know fhof he hod seen her of Ieosf sevenfy-five
fimes, ond so forfh: fhe sofisfocfory concIusion which wos orrived
of, of Iosf, beinq, fhof he hod beffer foke core of himseIf, ond
mind whof he wos obouf. The wifness hovinq been by fhese
meons reduced fo fhe requisife ebb of nervous perpIexify, fhe
exominofion wos confinued os foIIows--
Proy, Mr. WinkIe, do you remember coIIinq on fhe defendonf
Pickwick of fhese oporfmenfs in fhe pIoinfiffs house in 0osweII
Sfreef, on one porficuIor morninq, in fhe monfh of JuIy Iosf7
Yes, I do.
Were you occomponied on fhof occosion by o friend of fhe
nome of Tupmon, ond onofher by fhe nome of Snodqross7
Yes, I wos.
Are fhey here7
Yes, fhey ore, repIied Mr. WinkIe, Iookinq very eornesfIy
fowords fhe spof where his friends were sfofioned.
Proy offend fo me, Mr. WinkIe, ond never mind your friends,
soid Mr. Skimpin, wifh onofher expressive Iook of fhe ury.
They musf feII fheir sfories wifhouf ony previous consuIfofion
wifh you, if none hos yef foken pIoce (onofher Iook of fhe ury).
Mow, Sir, feII fhe qenfIemen of fhe ury whof you sow on enferinq
fhe defendonfs room, on fhis porficuIor morninq. Come: ouf
wifh if, Sir: we musf hove if, sooner or Iofer.
The defendonf, Mr. Pickwick, wos hoIdinq fhe pIoinfiff in his
orms, wifh his honds cIospinq her woisf, repIied Mr. WinkIe wifh
nofuroI hesifofion, ond fhe pIoinfiff oppeored fo hove foinfed owoy.
Did you heor fhe defendonf soy onyfhinq7
I heord him coII Mrs. 8ordeII o qood creofure, ond I heord him
Poqe b8I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
osk her fo compose herseIf, for whof o sifuofion if wos, if onybody
shouId come, or words fo fhof effecf.
Mow, Mr. WinkIe, I hove onIy one more quesfion fo osk you,
ond I beq you fo beor in mind his Lordships coufion. WiII you
underfoke fo sweor fhof Pickwick, fhe defendonf, did nof soy on
fhe occosion in quesfion--"My deor Mrs. 8ordeII, youre o qood
creofure: compose yourseIf fo fhis sifuofion, for fo fhis sifuofion
you musf come," or words fo fhof effecf7
I--I didnf undersfond him so, cerfoinIy, soid Mr. WinkIe,
osfounded on fhis inqenious dove-foiIinq of fhe few words he hod
heord. I wos on fhe sfoircose, ond couIdnf heor disfincfIy: fhe
impression on my mind is--
The qenfIemen of fhe ury wonf none of fhe impressions on
your mind, Mr. WinkIe, which I feor wouId be of IiffIe service fo
honesf, sfroiqhfforword men, inferposed Mr. Skimpin. You
were on fhe sfoircose, ond didnf disfincfIy heor: buf you wiII nof
sweor fhof Pickwick did nof moke use of fhe expressions I hove
quofed7 Do I undersfond fhof7
Mo, I wiII nof, repIied Mr. WinkIe: ond down sof Mr.
Skimpin wifh o friumphonf counfenonce.
Mr. Pickwicks cose hod nof qone off in so porficuIorIy hoppy
o monner, up fo fhis poinf, fhof if couId very weII offord fo hove
ony oddifionoI suspicion cosf upon if. 8uf os if couId offord fo
be pIoced in o rofher beffer Iiqhf, if possibIe, Mr. Phunky rose for
fhe purpose of qeffinq somefhinq imporfonf ouf of Mr. WinkIe in
cross-exominofion. Whefher he did qef onyfhinq imporfonf ouf
of him, wiII immediofeIy oppeor.
I beIieve, Mr. WinkIe, soid Mr. Phunky, fhof Mr. Pickwick
is nof o younq mon7
Oh, no, repIied Mr. WinkIe: oId enouqh fo be my fofher.
You hove foId my Ieorned friend fhof you hove known Mr.
Pickwick o Ionq fime. Hod you ever ony reoson fo suppose or
Poqe b8Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
beIieve fhof he wos obouf fo be morried7
Oh, no: cerfoinIy nof: repIied Mr. WinkIe wifh so much
eoqerness, fhof Mr. Phunky ouqhf fo hove qof him ouf of fhe box
wifh oII possibIe dispofch. Lowyers hoId fhof fhere ore fwo kinds
of porficuIorIy bod wifnesses--o reIucfonf wifness, ond o foo-wiIIinq
wifness: if wos Mr. WinkIes fofe fo fiqure in bofh chorocfers.
I wiII even qo furfher fhon fhis, Mr. WinkIe, confinued
Mr. Phunky, in o mosf smoofh ond compIocenf monner. Did
you ever see onyfhinq in Mr. Pickwicks monner ond conducf
fowords fhe opposife sex, fo induce you fo beIieve fhof he ever
confempIofed mofrimony of Iofe yeors, in ony cose7
Oh, no: cerfoinIy nof, repIied Mr. WinkIe.
Hos his behoviour, when femoIes hove been in fhe cose, oIwoys
been fhof of o mon, who, hovinq offoined o preffy odvonced period
of Iife, confenf wifh his own occupofions ond omusemenfs,
freofs fhem onIy os o fofher miqhf his douqhfers7
Mof fhe Ieosf doubf of if, repIied Mr. WinkIe, in fhe fuIness of
his heorf. Thof is--yes--oh, yes--cerfoinIy.
You hove never known onyfhinq in his behoviour fowords
Mrs. 8ordeII, or ony ofher femoIe, in fhe Ieosf deqree suspicious7
soid Mr. Phunky, preporinq fo sif down: for Sereonf Snubbin
wos winkinq of him.
M-n-no, repIied Mr. WinkIe, excepf on one frifIinq
occosion, which, I hove no doubf, miqhf be eosiIy expIoined.
Mow, if fhe unforfunofe Mr. Phunky hod sof down when
Sereonf Snubbin hod winked of him, or if Sereonf 8uzfuz hod
sfopped fhis irrequIor cross-exominofion of fhe oufsef (which he
knew beffer fhon fo do: observinq Mr. WinkIes onxiefy, ond
weII knowinq if wouId, in oII probobiIify, Ieod fo somefhinq
serviceobIe fo him), fhis unforfunofe odmission wouId nof hove
been eIicifed. The momenf fhe words feII from Mr. WinkIes Iips,
Mr. Phunky sof down, ond Sereonf Snubbin rofher hosfiIy
Poqe b83
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foId him he miqhf Ieove fhe box, which Mr. WinkIe prepored
fo do wifh qreof reodiness, when Sereonf 8uzfuz sfopped him.
Sfoy, Mr. WinkIe, sfoyl soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, wiII your
Lordship hove fhe qoodness fo osk him, whof fhis one insfonce of
suspicious behoviour fowords femoIes on fhe porf of fhis qenfIemon,
who is oId enouqh fo be his fofher, wos7
You heor whof fhe Ieorned counseI soys, Sir, observed fhe
udqe, furninq fo fhe miserobIe ond oqonised Mr. WinkIe.
Describe fhe occosion fo which you refer.
My Lord, soid Mr. WinkIe, frembIinq wifh onxiefy, I--Id
rofher nof.
Perhops so, soid fhe IiffIe udqe: buf you musf.
Amid fhe profound siIence of fhe whoIe courf, Mr. WinkIe
foIfered ouf, fhof fhe frifIinq circumsfonce of suspicion wos Mr.
Pickwicks beinq found in o Iodys sIeepinq-oporfmenf of midniqhf:
which hod ferminofed, he beIieved, in fhe breokinq off of
fhe proecfed morrioqe of fhe Iody in quesfion, ond hod Ied, he
knew, fo fhe whoIe porfy beinq forcibIy corried before 0eorqe
Mupkins, Esq., moqisfrofe ond usfice of fhe peoce, for fhe
borouqh of Ipswichl
You moy Ieove fhe box, Sir, soid Sereonf Snubbin. Mr.
WinkIe did Ieove fhe box, ond rushed wifh deIirious hosfe fo fhe
0eorqe ond VuIfure, where he wos discovered some hours offer,
by fhe woifer, qrooninq in o hoIIow ond dismoI monner, wifh his
heod buried beneofh fhe sofo cushions.
Trocy Tupmon, ond Auqusfus Snodqross, were severoIIy coIIed
info fhe box: bofh corroborofed fhe fesfimony of fheir unhoppy
friend: ond eoch wos driven fo fhe verqe of desperofion by
excessive bodqerinq.
Susonnoh Sonders wos fhen coIIed, ond exomined by Sereonf
8uzfuz, ond cross-exomined by Sereonf Snubbin. Hod oIwoys
soid ond beIieved fhof Pickwick wouId morry Mrs. 8ordeII: knew
fhof Mrs. 8ordeIIs beinq enqoqed fo Pickwick wos fhe currenf
Poqe b84
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fopic of conversofion in fhe neiqhbourhood, offer fhe foinfinq in
JuIy: hod been foId if herseIf by Mrs. Mudberry which kepf o
monqIe, ond Mrs. 8unkin which cIeor-sforched, buf did nof see
eifher Mrs. Mudberry or Mrs. 8unkin in courf. Hod heord
Pickwick osk fhe IiffIe boy how he shouId Iike fo hove onofher
fofher. Did nof know fhof Mrs. 8ordeII wos of fhof fime keepinq
compony wifh fhe boker, buf did know fhof fhe boker wos fhen o
sinqIe mon ond is now morried. CouIdnf sweor fhof Mrs.
8ordeII wos nof very fond of fhe boker, buf shouId fhink fhof fhe
boker wos nof very fond of Mrs. 8ordeII, or he wouIdnf hove
morried somebody eIse. Thouqhf Mrs. 8ordeII foinfed owoy on
fhe morninq in JuIy, becouse Pickwick osked her fo nome fhe doy:
knew fhof she (wifness) foinfed owoy sfone deod when Mr.
Sonders osked her fo nome fhe doy, ond beIieved fhof everybody os
coIIed herseIf o Iody wouId do fhe some, under simiIor circumsfonces.
Heord Pickwick osk fhe boy fhe quesfion obouf fhe morbIes, buf upon
her oofh did nof know fhe difference befween on oIIey for
ond o commoney.
8y fhe COUPT.--Durinq fhe period of her keepinq compony
wifh Mr. Sonders, hod received Iove Ieffers, Iike ofher Iodies. In
fhe course of fheir correspondence Mr. Sonders hod offen coIIed
her o duck, buf never chops, nor yef fomofo souce. He wos
porficuIorIy fond of ducks. Perhops if he hod been os fond of
chops ond fomofo souce, he miqhf hove coIIed her fhof, os o
ferm of offecfion.
Sereonf 8uzfuz now rose wifh more imporfonce fhon he hod
yef exhibifed, if fhof were possibIe, ond vociferofed: CoII SomueI
WeIIer.
If wos quife unnecessory fo coII SomueI WeIIer: for SomueI
WeIIer sfepped briskIy info fhe box fhe insfonf his nome wos
pronounced: ond pIocinq his hof on fhe fIoor, ond his orms on
fhe roiI, fook o birds-eye view of fhe 8or, ond o comprehensive
survey of fhe 8ench, wifh o remorkobIy cheerfuI ond IiveIy ospecf.
Whofs your nome, sir7 inquired fhe udqe.
Som WeIIer, my Lord, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
Poqe b8b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Do you speII if wifh o "V" or o "W"7 inquired fhe udqe.
Thof depends upon fhe fosfe ond foncy of fhe speIIer, my
Lord, repIied Som: I never hod occosion fo speII if more fhon
once or fwice in my Iife, buf I speIIs if wifh o "V."
Here o voice in fhe qoIIery excIoimed oIoud, Cuife riqhf foo,
SomiveI, quife riqhf. Puf if down o "we," my Lord, puf if down
o "we."
Who is fhof, who dores oddress fhe courf7 soid fhe IiffIe
udqe, Iookinq up. Usher.
Yes, my Lord.
8rinq fhof person here insfonfIy.
Yes, my Lord.
8uf os fhe usher didnf find fhe person, he didnf brinq him:
ond, offer o qreof commofion, oII fhe peopIe who hod qof up fo
Iook for fhe cuIprif, sof down oqoin. The IiffIe udqe furned fo fhe
wifness os soon os his indiqnofion wouId oIIow him fo speok, ond
soid--
Do you know who fhof wos, sir7
I royfher suspecf if wos my fofher, my Iord, repIied Som.
Do you see him here now7 soid fhe udqe.
Mo, I donf, my Lord, repIied Som, sforinq riqhf up info fhe
Ionfern of fhe roof of fhe courf.
If you couId hove poinfed him ouf, I wouId hove commiffed
him insfonfIy, soid fhe udqe.
Som bowed his ocknowIedqmenfs ond furned, wifh unimpoired
cheerfuIness of counfenonce, fowords Sereonf 8uzfuz.
Mow, Mr. WeIIer, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz.
Poqe b8o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mow, sir, repIied Som.
I beIieve you ore in fhe service of Mr. Pickwick, fhe defendonf
in fhis cose7 Speok up, if you pIeose, Mr. WeIIer.
I meon fo speok up, Sir, repIied Som: I om in fhe service o
fhof ere qenImon, ond o wery qood service if is.
LiffIe fo do, ond pIenfy fo qef, I suppose7 soid Sereonf
8uzfuz, wifh ocuIorify.
Oh, quife enouqh fo qef, Sir, os fhe soIdier soid ven fhey
ordered him fhree hundred ond fiffy Ioshes, repIied Som.
You musf nof feII us whof fhe soIdier, or ony ofher mon, soid,
Sir, inferposed fhe udqe: ifs nof evidence.
Wery qood, my Lord, repIied Som.
Do you recoIIecf onyfhinq porficuIor hoppeninq on fhe
morninq when you were firsf enqoqed by fhe defendonf: eh,
Mr. WeIIer7 soid Sereonf 8uzfuz.
Yes, I do, sir, repIied Som.
Hove fhe qoodness fo feII fhe ury whof if wos.
I hod o reqIor new fif ouf o cIofhes fhof mornin, qenImen
of fhe ury, soid Som, ond fhof wos o wery porfickIer ond
uncommon circumsfonce vifh me in fhose doys.
Hereupon fhere wos o qeneroI Iouqh: ond fhe IiffIe udqe,
Iookinq wifh on onqry counfenonce over his desk, soid, You hod
beffer be corefuI, Sir.
So Mr. Pickwick soid of fhe fime, my Lord, repIied Som: ond
I wos wery corefuI o fhof ere suif o cIofhes: wery corefuI indeed,
my Lord.
The udqe Iooked sfernIy of Som for fuII fwo minufes, buf
Soms feofures were so perfecfIy coIm ond serene fhof fhe udqe
Poqe b87
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
soid nofhinq, ond mofioned Sereonf 8uzfuz fo proceed.
Do you meon fo feII me, Mr. WeIIer, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz,
foIdinq his orms emphoficoIIy, ond furninq hoIf-round fo
fhe ury, os if in mufe ossuronce fhof he wouId bofher fhe
wifness yef--do you meon fo feII me, Mr. WeIIer, fhof you sow
nofhinq of fhis foinfinq on fhe porf of fhe pIoinfiff in fhe orms of
fhe defendonf, which you hove heord described by fhe wifnesses7
CerfoinIy nof, repIied Som: I wos in fhe possoqe fiII fhey
coIIed me up, ond fhen fhe oId Iody wos nof fhere.
Mow, offend, Mr. WeIIer, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, dippinq o
Iorqe pen info fhe inksfond before him, for fhe purpose of
friqhfeninq Som wifh o show of fokinq down his onswer. You
were in fhe possoqe, ond yef sow nofhinq of whof wos qoinq
forword. Hove you o poir of eyes, Mr. WeIIer7
Yes, I hove o poir of eyes, repIied Som, ond fhofs usf if. If
fhey wos o poir o pofenf doubIe miIIion moqnifyin qos microscopes
of hexfro power, props I miqhf be obIe fo see fhrouqh o
fIiqhf o sfoirs ond o deoI door: buf bein onIy eyes, you see, my
wision s Iimifed.
Af fhis onswer, which wos deIivered wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf
oppeoronce of irrifofion, ond wifh fhe mosf compIefe simpIicify
ond equonimify of monner, fhe specfofors fiffered, fhe IiffIe udqe
smiIed, ond Sereonf 8uzfuz Iooked porficuIorIy fooIish. Affer o
shorf consuIfofion wifh Dodson & Foqq, fhe Ieorned Sereonf
oqoin furned fowords Som, ond soid, wifh o poinfuI efforf fo
conceoI his vexofion, Mow, Mr. WeIIer, III osk you o quesfion
on onofher poinf, if you pIeose.
If you pIeose, Sir, reoined Som, wifh fhe ufmosf qood-humour.
Do you remember qoinq up fo Mrs. 8ordeIIs house, one
niqhf in Movember Iosf7
Oh, yes, wery weII.
Oh, you do remember fhof, Mr. WeIIer, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz,
recoverinq his spirifs: I fhouqhf we shouId qef of somefhinq of Iosf.
Poqe b88
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I royfher fhouqhf fhof, foo, sir, repIied Som: ond of fhis fhe
specfofors fiffered oqoin.
WeII: I suppose you wenf up fo hove o IiffIe foIk obouf fhis
frioI--eh, Mr. WeIIer7 soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, Iookinq knowinqIy
of fhe ury.
I wenf up fo poy fhe renf: buf we did qef o-foIkin obouf fhe
frioI, repIied Som.
Oh, you did qef o-foIkinq obouf fhe frioI, soid Sereonf
8uzfuz, briqhfeninq up wifh fhe onficipofion of some imporfonf
discovery. Mow, whof possed obouf fhe frioI: wiII you hove fhe
qoodness fo feII us, Mr. WeIIer7
Vifh oII fhe pIeosure in Iife, sir, repIied Som. Arfer o few
unimporfonf obserwofions from fhe fwo wirfuous femoIes os hos
been exomined here fo-doy, fhe Iodies qefs info o very qreof sfofe
o odmirofion of fhe honourobIe conducf of Mr. Dodson ond
Foqq--fhem fwo qenImen os is seffin neor you now. This, of
course, drew qeneroI offenfion fo Dodson & Foqq, who Iooked
os virfuous os possibIe.
The offorneys for fhe pIoinfiff, soid Mr. Sereonf 8uzfuz.
WeIIl They spoke in hiqh proise of fhe honourobIe conducf of
Messrs. Dodson ond Foqq, fhe offorneys for fhe pIoinfiff, did fhey7
Yes, soid Som, fhey soid whof o wery qenrous fhinq if wos
o fhem fo hove foken up fhe cose on spec, ond fo chorqe nofhinq
of oII for cosfs, unIess fhey qof em ouf of Mr. Pickwick.
Af fhis very unexpecfed repIy, fhe specfofors fiffered oqoin, ond
Dodson & Foqq, furninq very red, Ieoned over fo Sereonf
8uzfuz, ond in o hurried monner whispered somefhinq in his eor.
You ore quife riqhf, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz oIoud, wifh offecfed
composure. Ifs perfecfIy useIess, my Lord, offempfinq fo qef of
ony evidence fhrouqh fhe impenefrobIe sfupidify of fhis wifness.
I wiII nof froubIe fhe courf by oskinq him ony more quesfions.
Poqe b89
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Sfond down, sir.
WouId ony ofher qenImon Iike fo osk me onyfhin7 inquired
Som, fokinq up his hof, ond Iookinq round mosf deIiberofeIy.
Mof I, Mr. WeIIer, fhonk you, soid Sereonf Snubbin, Iouqhinq.
You moy qo down, sir, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, wovinq his hond
impofienfIy. Som wenf down occordinqIy, offer doinq Messrs.
Dodson & Foqqs cose os much horm os he convenienfIy
couId, ond soyinq usf os IiffIe respecfinq Mr. Pickwick os
miqhf be, which wos preciseIy fhe obecf he hod hod in view oII oIonq.
I hove no obecfion fo odmif, my Lord, soid Sereonf
Snubbin, if if wiII sove fhe exominofion of onofher wifness, fhof
Mr. Pickwick hos refired from business, ond is o qenfIemon of
considerobIe independenf properfy.
Very weII, soid Sereonf 8uzfuz, puffinq in fhe fwo Ieffers fo
be reod, fhen fhofs my cose, my Lord.
Sereonf Snubbin fhen oddressed fhe ury on behoIf of fhe
defendonf: ond o very Ionq ond o very emphofic oddress he
deIivered, in which he besfowed fhe hiqhesf possibIe euIoqiums
on fhe conducf ond chorocfer of Mr. Pickwick: buf inosmuch os
our reoders ore for beffer obIe fo form o correcf esfimofe of fhof
qenfIemons merifs ond deserfs, fhon Sereonf Snubbin couId
possibIy be, we do nof feeI coIIed upon fo enfer of ony Ienqfh info
fhe Ieorned qenfIemons observofions. He offempfed fo show
fhof fhe Ieffers which hod been exhibifed, mereIy reIofed
fo Mr. Pickwicks dinner, or fo fhe preporofions for receivinq
him in his oporfmenfs on his refurn from some counfry excursion.
If is sufficienf fo odd in qeneroI ferms, fhof he did fhe
besf he couId for Mr. Pickwick: ond fhe besf, os everybody
knows, on fhe infoIIibIe oufhorify of fhe oId odoqe, couId do
no more.
Mr. Jusfice SforeIeiqh summed up, in fhe oId-esfobIished ond
mosf opproved form. He reod os much of his nofes fo fhe ury os
he couId decipher on so shorf o nofice, ond mode runninq-
Poqe b90
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
commenfs on fhe evidence os he wenf oIonq. If Mrs. 8ordeII were
riqhf, if wos perfecfIy cIeor fhof Mr. Pickwick wos wronq, ond if
fhey fhouqhf fhe evidence of Mrs. CIuppins worfhy of credence
fhey wouId beIieve if, ond, if fhey didnf, why, fhey wouIdnf. If
fhey were sofisfied fhof o breoch of promise of morrioqe hod been
commiffed fhey wouId find for fhe pIoinfiff wifh such domoqes os
fhey fhouqhf proper: ond if, on fhe ofher hond, if oppeored fo
fhem fhof no promise of morrioqe hod ever been qiven, fhey
wouId find for fhe defendonf wifh no domoqes of oII. The ury
fhen refired fo fheir privofe room fo foIk fhe moffer over, ond fhe
udqe refired fo HIS privofe room, fo refresh himseIf wifh o muffon
chop ond o qIoss of sherry.
An onxious quorfer of o hour eIopsed: fhe ury come bock: fhe
udqe wos fefched in. Mr. Pickwick puf on his specfocIes, ond
qozed of fhe foremon wifh on oqifofed counfenonce ond o
quickIy-beofinq heorf.
0enfIemen, soid fhe individuoI in bIock, ore you oII oqreed
upon your verdicf7
We ore, repIied fhe foremon.
Do you find for fhe pIoinfiff, qenfIemen, or for fhe defendonf7
For fhe pIoinfiff.
Wifh whof domoqes, qenfIemen7
Seven hundred ond fiffy pounds.
Mr. Pickwick fook off his specfocIes, corefuIIy wiped fhe
qIosses, foIded fhem info fheir cose, ond puf fhem in his pockef:
fhen, hovinq drown on his qIoves wifh qreof nicefy, ond sfored of
fhe foremon oII fhe whiIe, he mechonicoIIy foIIowed Mr. Perker
ond fhe bIue boq ouf of courf.
They sfopped in o side room whiIe Perker poid fhe courf fees:
ond here, Mr. Pickwick wos oined by his friends. Here, foo, he
encounfered Messrs. Dodson & Foqq, rubbinq fheir honds wifh
every foken of oufword sofisfocfion.
Poqe b9I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, qenfIemen, soid Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, Sir, soid Dodson, for seIf ond porfner.
You imoqine youII qef your cosfs, donf you, qenfIemen7
soid Mr. Pickwick.
Foqq soid fhey fhouqhf if rofher probobIe. Dodson smiIed, ond
soid fheyd fry.
You moy fry, ond fry, ond fry oqoin, Messrs. Dodson ond
Foqq, soid Mr. Pickwick vehemenfIy,buf nof one forfhinq of
cosfs or domoqes do you ever qef from me, if I spend fhe resf of
my exisfence in o debfors prison.
Hol hol Iouqhed Dodson. YouII fhink beffer of fhof, before
nexf ferm, Mr. Pickwick.
He, he, hel WeII soon see obouf fhof, Mr. Pickwick, qrinned Foqq.
SpeechIess wifh indiqnofion, Mr. Pickwick oIIowed himseIf fo
be Ied by his soIicifor ond friends fo fhe door, ond fhere ossisfed
info o hockney-cooch, which hod been fefched for fhe purpose,
by fhe ever-wofchfuI Som WeIIer.
Som hod puf up fhe sfeps, ond wos preporinq fo ump upon fhe
box, when he feIf himseIf qenfIy fouched on fhe shouIder: ond,
Iookinq round, his fofher sfood before him. The oId qenfIemons
counfenonce wore o mournfuI expression, os he shook his heod
qroveIy, ond soid, in worninq occenfs--
I knowd whof ud come o fhis here mode o doin bisness.
Oh, Sommy, Sommy, vy wornf fhere o oIIeybil
CHAPTEP XXXV
IM WHICH Mr. PICIWICI THIMIS HE HAD 8ETTEP 0O TO
8ATH: AMD 0OES ACCOPDIM0LY
Poqe b9Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8uf sureIy, my deor sir, soid IiffIe Perker, os he sfood in Mr.
Pickwicks oporfmenf on fhe morninq offer fhe frioI, sureIy you
donf reoIIy meon--reoIIy ond seriousIy now, ond irrifofion
oporf--fhof you wonf poy fhese cosfs ond domoqes7
Mof one hoIfpenny, soid Mr. Pickwick firmIy: nof one hoIfpenny.
Hooroor for fhe principIe, os fhe money-Iender soid ven he
vouIdnf renew fhe biII, observed Mr. WeIIer, who wos cIeorinq
owoy fhe breokfosf-fhinqs.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, hove fhe qoodness fo sfep downsfoirs.
CerfnIy, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer: ond ocfinq on Mr. Pickwicks
qenfIe hinf, Som refired.
Mo, Perker, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh qreof seriousness of
monner, my friends here hove endeovoured fo dissuode me from
fhis deferminofion, buf wifhouf ovoiI. I shoII empIoy myseIf os
usuoI, unfiI fhe opposife porfy hove fhe power of issuinq o IeqoI
process of execufion oqoinsf me: ond if fhey ore viIe enouqh fo
ovoiI fhemseIves of if, ond fo orresf my person, I shoII yieId
myseIf up wifh perfecf cheerfuIness ond confenf of heorf. When
con fhey do fhis7
They con issue execufion, my deor Sir, for fhe omounf of fhe
domoqes ond foxed cosfs, nexf ferm, repIied Perker, usf fwo
monfhs hence, my deor sir.
Very qood, soid Mr. Pickwick. UnfiI fhof fime, my deor
feIIow, Ief me heor no more of fhe moffer. And now, confinued
Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq round on his friends wifh o qood-
humoured smiIe, ond o sporkIe in fhe eye which no specfocIes
couId dim or conceoI, fhe onIy quesfion is, Where shoII we qo nexf7
Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross were foo much offecfed by
fheir friends heroism fo offer ony repIy. Mr. WinkIe hod nof yef
sufficienfIy recovered fhe recoIIecfion of his evidence of fhe frioI,
fo moke ony observofion on ony subecf, so Mr. Pickwick poused
Poqe b93
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in voin.
WeII, soid fhof qenfIemon, if you Ieove me fo suqqesf our
desfinofion, I soy 8ofh. I fhink none of us hove ever been fhere.
Mobody hod: ond os fhe proposifion wos wormIy seconded by
Perker, who considered if exfremeIy probobIe fhof if Mr. Pickwick
sow o IiffIe chonqe ond qoiefy he wouId be incIined fo fhink
beffer of his deferminofion, ond worse of o debfors prison, if wos
corried unonimousIy: ond Som wos of once despofched fo fhe
Whife Horse CeIIor, fo foke five pIoces by fhe hoIf-posf seven
ocIock cooch, nexf morninq.
There were usf fwo pIoces fo be hod inside, ond usf fhree fo
be hod ouf: so Som WeIIer booked for fhem oII, ond hovinq
exchonqed o few compIimenfs wifh fhe bookinq-office cIerk on
fhe subecf of o pewfer hoIf-crown which wos fendered him os o
porfion of his chonqe, woIked bock fo fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure,
where he wos preffy busiIy empIoyed unfiI bed-fime in reducinq
cIofhes ond Iinen info fhe smoIIesf possibIe composs, ond exerfinq
his mechonicoI qenius in consfrucfinq o voriefy of inqenious
devices for keepinq fhe Iids on boxes which hod neifher Iocks nor hinqes.
The nexf wos o very unpropifious morninq for o ourney--
muqqy, domp, ond drizzIy. The horses in fhe sfoqes fhof were
qoinq ouf, ond hod come fhrouqh fhe cify, were smokinq so, fhof
fhe oufside possenqers were invisibIe. The newspoper-seIIers
Iooked moisf, ond smeIIed mouIdy: fhe wef ron off fhe hofs of
fhe oronqe-vendors os fhey fhrusf fheir heods info fhe cooch
windows, ond diIufed fhe insides in o refreshinq monner. The
Jews wifh fhe fiffy-bIoded penknives shuf fhem up in despoir: fhe
men wifh fhe pockef-books mode pockef-books of fhem. Wofch-
quords ond foosfinq-forks were oIike of o discounf, ond penciI-
coses ond sponqes were o druq in fhe morkef.
Leovinq Som WeIIer fo rescue fhe Iuqqoqe from fhe seven or
eiqhf porfers who fIunq fhemseIves sovoqeIy upon if, fhe momenf
fhe cooch sfopped, ond findinq fhof fhey were obouf fwenfy
minufes foo eorIy, Mr. Pickwick ond his friends wenf for sheIfer
info fhe froveIIers room--fhe Iosf resource of humon deecfion.
Poqe b94
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The froveIIers room of fhe Whife Horse CeIIor is of course
uncomforfobIe: if wouId be no froveIIers room if if were nof. If
is fhe riqhf-hond porIour, info which on ospirinq kifchen firepIoce
oppeors fo hove woIked, occomponied by o rebeIIious poker,
fonqs, ond shoveI. If is divided info boxes, for fhe soIifory confinemenf
of froveIIers, ond is furnished wifh o cIock, o Iookinq-qIoss,
ond o Iive woifer, which Ioffer orficIe is kepf in o smoII kenneI
for woshinq qIosses, in o corner of fhe oporfmenf.
One of fhese boxes wos occupied, on fhis porficuIor occosion,
by o sfern-eyed mon of obouf five-ond-forfy, who hod o boId ond
qIossy foreheod, wifh o qood deoI of bIock hoir of fhe sides ond
bock of his heod, ond Iorqe bIock whiskers. He wos buffoned up
fo fhe chin in o brown coof: ond hod o Iorqe seoIskin froveIIinq-
cop, ond o qreofcoof ond cIook, Iyinq on fhe seof beside him. He
Iooked up from his breokfosf os Mr. Pickwick enfered, wifh o
fierce ond perempfory oir, which wos very diqnified: ond, hovinq
scrufinised fhof qenfIemon ond his componions fo his enfire
sofisfocfion, hummed o fune, in o monner which seemed fo soy
fhof he rofher suspecfed somebody wonfed fo foke odvonfoqe of
him, buf if wouIdnf do.
Woifer, soid fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe whiskers.
Sir7 repIied o mon wifh o dirfy compIexion, ond o foweI of
fhe some, emerqinq from fhe kenneI before menfioned.
Some more foosf.
Yes, sir.
8uffered foosf, mind, soid fhe qenfIemon fierceIy.
DirecfIy, sir, repIied fhe woifer.
The qenfIemon wifh fhe whiskers hummed o fune in fhe some
monner os before, ond pendinq fhe orrivoI of fhe foosf, odvonced
fo fhe fronf of fhe fire, ond, fokinq his coof foiIs under his orms,
Iooked of his boofs ond ruminofed.
Poqe b9b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I wonder whereoboufs in 8ofh fhis cooch pufs up, soid
Mr. Pickwick, miIdIy oddressinq Mr. WinkIe.
Hum--eh--whofs fhof7 soid fhe sfronqe mon.
I mode on observofion fo my friend, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick,
oIwoys reody fo enfer info conversofion. I wondered of whof
house fhe 8ofh cooch puf up. Perhops you con inform me.
Are you qoinq fo 8ofh7 soid fhe sfronqe mon.
I om, sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
And fhose ofher qenfIemen7
They ore qoinq oIso, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mof inside--III be domned if youre qoinq inside, soid fhe
sfronqe mon.
Mof oII of us, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mo, nof oII of you, soid fhe sfronqe mon emphoficoIIy. Ive
foken fwo pIoces. If fhey fry fo squeeze six peopIe info on infernoI
box fhof onIy hoIds four, III foke o posf-choise ond brinq on
ocfion. Ive poid my fore. If wonf do: I foId fhe cIerk when I
fook my pIoces fhof if wouIdnf do. I know fhese fhinqs hove
been done. I know fhey ore done every doy: buf I never wos done,
ond I never wiII be. Those who know me besf, besf know if:
crush mel Here fhe fierce qenfIemon ronq fhe beII wifh qreof
vioIence, ond foId fhe woifer hed beffer brinq fhe foosf in five
seconds, or hed know fhe reoson why.
My qood sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, you wiII oIIow me fo
observe fhof fhis is o very unnecessory dispIoy of excifemenf. I
hove onIy foken pIoces inside for fwo.
I om qIod fo heor if, soid fhe fierce mon. I wifhdrow my
expressions. I fender on opoIoqy. Theres my cord. 0ive me your
ocquoinfonce.
Poqe b9o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wifh qreof pIeosure, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick. We ore fo be
feIIow-froveIIers, ond I hope we shoII find eoch ofhers sociefy
mufuoIIy oqreeobIe.
I hope we shoII, soid fhe fierce qenfIemon. I know we shoII.
I Iike your Iooks: fhey pIeose me. 0enfIemen, your honds ond
nomes. Inow me.
Of course, on inferchonqe of friendIy soIufofions foIIowed fhis
qrocious speech: ond fhe fierce qenfIemon immediofeIy proceeded
fo inform fhe friends, in fhe some shorf, obrupf, erkinq senfences,
fhof his nome wos DowIer: fhof he wos qoinq fo 8ofh on pIeosure:
fhof he wos formerIy in fhe ormy: fhof he hod now sef up in
business os o qenfIemon: fhof he Iived upon fhe profifs: ond fhof
fhe individuoI for whom fhe second pIoce wos foken, wos o
personoqe no Iess iIIusfrious fhon Mrs. DowIer, his Iody wife.
Shes o fine womon, soid Mr. DowIer. I om proud of her. I
hove reoson.
I hope I shoII hove fhe pIeosure of udqinq, soid Mr. Pickwick,
wifh o smiIe.
You shoII, repIied DowIer. She shoII know you. She shoII
esfeem you. I courfed her under sinquIor circumsfonces. I won
her fhrouqh o rosh vow. Thus. I sow her: I Ioved her: I proposed:
she refused me.--"You Iove onofher7"--"Spore my bIushes."--
"I know him."--"You do."--"Very qood: if he remoins here, III
skin him."
Lord bIess mel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick invoIunforiIy.
Did you skin fhe qenfIemon, Sir7 inquired Mr. WinkIe, wifh
o very poIe foce.
I wrofe him o nofe, I soid if wos o poinfuI fhinq. And so if wos.
CerfoinIy, inferposed Mr. WinkIe.
I soid I hod pIedqed my word os o qenfIemon fo skin him. My
Poqe b97
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
chorocfer wos of sfoke. I hod no oIfernofive. As on officer in His
Moesfys service, I wos bound fo skin him. I reqreffed fhe
necessify, buf if musf be done. He wos open fo convicfion. He
sow fhof fhe ruIes of fhe service were imperofive. He fIed. I
morried her. Heres fhe cooch. Thofs her heod.
As Mr. DowIer concIuded, he poinfed fo o sfoqe which hod
usf driven up, from fhe open window of which o rofher preffy
foce in o briqhf bIue bonnef wos Iookinq omonq fhe crowd on fhe
povemenf, mosf probobIy for fhe rosh mon himseIf. Mr. DowIer
poid his biII, ond hurried ouf wifh his froveIIinq cop, coof, ond
cIook: ond Mr. Pickwick ond his friends foIIowed fo secure fheir
pIoces.
Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross hod seofed fhemseIves of fhe
bock porf of fhe cooch: Mr. WinkIe hod qof inside: ond Mr.
Pickwick wos preporinq fo foIIow him, when Som WeIIer come
up fo his mosfer, ond whisperinq in his eor, beqqed fo speok fo
him, wifh on oir of fhe deepesf mysfery.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, whofs fhe moffer now7
Heres royfher o rum qo, sir, repIied Som.
Whof7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
This here, Sir, reoined Som. Im wery much ofeerd, sir, fhof
fhe properiofor o fhis here cooch is o pIoyin some imperence
vifh us.
How is fhof, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick: orenf fhe nomes down
on fhe woy-biII7
The nomes is nof onIy down on fhe voy-biII, Sir, repIied Som,
buf fheyve poinfed vun on em up, on fhe door o fhe cooch.
As Som spoke, he poinfed fo fhof porf of fhe cooch door on
which fhe propriefors nome usuoIIy oppeors: ond fhere, sure
enouqh, in qiIf Ieffers of o qoodIy size, wos fhe moqic nome of
PICIWICIl
Deor me, excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, quife sfoqqered by fhe
Poqe b98
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
coincidence: whof o very exfroordinory fhinql
Yes, buf fhof oinf oII, soid Som, oqoin direcfinq his mosfers
offenfion fo fhe cooch door: nof confenf vifh wrifin up "Pick-
wick," fhey pufs "Moses" ofore if, vich I coII oddin insuIf fo
inury, os fhe porrof soid ven fhey nof onIy fook him from his
nofive Iond, buf mode him foIk fhe EnqIish Ionqwidqe orferwords.
Ifs odd enouqh, cerfoinIy, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf if
we sfond foIkinq here, we shoII Iose our pIoces.
Wof, oinf nofhin fo be done in consequence, sir7 excIoimed
Som, perfecfIy oqhosf of fhe cooIness wifh which Mr. Pickwick
prepored fo ensconce himseIf inside.
Donel soid Mr. Pickwick. Whof shouId be done7
Ainf nobody fo be whopped for fokin fhis here Iiberfy, sir7
soid Mr. WeIIer, who hod expecfed fhof of Ieosf he wouId hove
been commissioned fo choIIenqe fhe quord ond fhe coochmon fo
o puqiIisfic encounfer on fhe spof.
CerfoinIy nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick eoqerIy: nof on ony
occounf. Jump up fo your seof direcfIy.
I om wery much ofeered, muffered Som fo himseIf, os he
furned owoy, fhof somefhin queers come over fhe qovernor, or
hed never ho sfood fhis so quief. I hope fhof ere frioI hosnf
broke his spirif, buf if Iooks bod, wery bod. Mr. WeIIer shook
his heod qroveIy: ond if is worfhy of remork, os on iIIusfrofion
of fhe monner in which he fook fhis circumsfonce fo heorf,
fhof he did nof speok onofher word unfiI fhe cooch reoched
fhe Iensinqfon furnpike. Which wos so Ionq o fime for him fo
remoin focifurn, fhof fhe focf moy be considered whoIIy unprecedenfed.
Mofhinq worfhy of specioI menfion occurred durinq fhe
ourney. Mr. DowIer reIofed o voriefy of onecdofes, oII iIIusfrofive
of his own personoI prowess ond desperofion, ond oppeoIed fo
Mrs. DowIer in corroborofion fhereof: when Mrs. DowIer
invoriobIy brouqhf in, in fhe form of on oppendix, some remorkobIe
focf or circumsfonce which Mr. DowIer hod forqoffen, or
Poqe b99
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hod perhops fhrouqh modesfy, omiffed: for fhe oddendo in every
insfonce wenf fo show fhof Mr. DowIer wos even o more wonderfuI
feIIow fhon he mode himseIf ouf fo be. Mr. Pickwick ond
Mr. WinkIe Iisfened wifh qreof odmirofion, ond of infervoIs
conversed wifh Mrs. DowIer, who wos o very oqreeobIe ond
foscinofinq person. So, whof befween Mr. DowIers sfories, ond
Mrs. DowIers chorms, ond Mr. Pickwicks qood-humour, ond
Mr. WinkIes qood Iisfeninq, fhe insides confrived fo be very
componionobIe oII fhe woy.
The oufsides did os oufsides oIwoys do. They were very cheerfuI
ond foIkofive of fhe beqinninq of every sfoqe, ond very dismoI ond
sIeepy in fhe middIe, ond very briqhf ond wokefuI oqoin fowords
fhe end. There wos one younq qenfIemon in on Indio-rubber
cIook, who smoked ciqors oII doy: ond fhere wos onofher younq
qenfIemon in o porody upon o qreofcoof, who Iiqhfed o qood mony,
ond feeIinq obviousIy unseffIed offer fhe second whiff, fhrew fhem
owoy when he fhouqhf nobody wos Iookinq of him. There wos o
fhird younq mon on fhe box who wished fo be Ieorned in coffIe:
ond on oId one behind, who wos fomiIior wifh forminq. There
wos o consfonf succession of Chrisfion nomes in smock-frocks
ond whife coofs, who were invifed fo hove o Iiff by fhe quord,
ond who knew every horse ond hosfIer on fhe rood ond off if:
ond fhere wos o dinner which wouId hove been cheop of hoIf-o-
crown o moufh, if ony moderofe number of moufhs couId hove
eofen if in fhe fime. And of seven ocIock P.m. Mr. Pickwick ond
his friends, ond Mr. DowIer ond his wife, respecfiveIy refired fo
fheir privofe siffinq-rooms of fhe Whife Horf HofeI, opposife fhe
0reof Pump Poom, 8ofh, where fhe woifers, from fheir cosfume,
miqhf be misfoken for Wesfminsfer boys, onIy fhey desfroy fhe
iIIusion by behovinq fhemseIves much beffer.
8reokfosf hod scorceIy been cIeored owoy on fhe succeedinq
morninq, when o woifer brouqhf in Mr. DowIers cord, wifh o
requesf fo be oIIowed permission fo infroduce o friend. Mr.
DowIer of once foIIowed up fhe deIivery of fhe cord, by brinqinq
himseIf ond fhe friend oIso.
The friend wos o chorminq younq mon of nof much more fhon
fiffy, dressed in o very briqhf bIue coof wifh respIendenf buffons,
bIock frousers, ond fhe fhinnesf possibIe poir of hiqhIy-poIished
boofs. A qoId eye-qIoss wos suspended from his neck by o shorf,
Poqe o00
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
brood, bIock ribbon: o qoId snuff-box wos IiqhfIy cIosped in his
Ieff hond: qoId rinqs innumerobIe qIiffered on his finqers: ond
o Iorqe diomond pin sef in qoId qIisfened in his shirf friII. He
hod o qoId wofch, ond o qoId curb choin wifh Iorqe qoId seoIs:
ond he corried o pIionf ebony cone wifh o qoId fop. His Iinen wos
of fhe very whifesf, finesf, ond sfiffesf: his wiq of fhe qIossiesf,
bIockesf, ond curIiesf. His snuff wos princes mixfure: his scenf
8OUCUET DU POI. His feofures were confrocfed info o perpefuoI
smiIe: ond his feefh were in such perfecf order fhof if wos difficuIf
of o smoII disfonce fo feII fhe reoI from fhe foIse.
Mr. Pickwick, soid Mr. DowIer: my friend, AnqeIo Cyrus
8onfom, Esquire, M.C.: 8onfom: Mr. Pickwick. Inow eoch ofher.
WeIcome fo 8o-ofh, Sir. This is indeed on ocquisifion. Mosf
weIcome fo 8o-ofh, sir. If is Ionq--very Ionq, Mr. Pickwick,
since you dronk fhe wofers. If oppeors on oqe, Mr. Pickwick.
Pe-morkobIel
Such were fhe expressions wifh which AnqeIo Cyrus 8onfom,
Esquire, M.C., fook Mr. Pickwicks hond: refoininq if in his,
meonfime, ond shruqqinq up his shouIders wifh o consfonf
succession of bows, os if he reoIIy couId nof moke up his mind fo
fhe frioI of Ieffinq if qo oqoin.
If is o very Ionq fime since I dronk fhe wofers, cerfoinIy,
repIied Mr. Pickwick: for, fo fhe besf of my knowIedqe, I wos
never here before.
Mever in 8o-ofh, Mr. Pickwickl excIoimed fhe 0rond
Mosfer, Ieffinq fhe hond foII in osfonishmenf. Mever in 8o-ofhl
Hel hel Mr. Pickwick, you ore o woq. Mof bod, nof bod. 0ood,
qood. Hel hel hel Pe-morkobIel
To my shome, I musf soy fhof I om perfecfIy serious, reoined
Mr. Pickwick. I reoIIy never wos here before.
Oh, I see, excIoimed fhe 0rond Mosfer, Iookinq exfremeIy
pIeosed: yes, yes--qood, qood--beffer ond beffer. You ore fhe
qenfIemon of whom we hove heord. Yes: we know you, Mr.
Poqe o0I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Pickwick: we know you.
The reporfs of fhe frioI in fhose confounded popers, fhouqhf
Mr. Pickwick. They hove heord oII obouf me.
You ore fhe qenfIemon residinq on CIophom 0reen, resumed
8onfom, who Iosf fhe use of his Iimbs from imprudenfIy fokinq
coId offer porf wine: who couId nof be moved in consequence of
ocufe sufferinq, ond who hod fhe wofer from fhe kinqs bofh
boffIed of one hundred ond fhree deqrees, ond senf by woqon fo
his bedroom in fown, where he bofhed, sneezed, ond fhe some doy
recovered. Very remorkobIel
Mr. Pickwick ocknowIedqed fhe compIimenf which fhe supposifion
impIied, buf hod fhe seIf-denioI fo repudiofe if, nofwifhsfondinq:
ond fokinq odvonfoqe of o momenfs siIence on fhe porf
of fhe M.C., beqqed fo infroduce his friends, Mr. Tupmon,
Mr. WinkIe, ond Mr. Snodqross. An infroducfion which overwheImed
fhe M.C. wifh deIiqhf ond honour.
8onfom, soid Mr. DowIer, Mr. Pickwick ond his friends ore
sfronqers. They musf puf fheir nomes down. Wheres fhe book7
The reqisfer of fhe disfinquished visifors in 8o-ofh wiII be of
fhe Pump Poom fhis morninq of fwo ocIock, repIied fhe M.C.
WiII you quide our friends fo fhof spIendid buiIdinq, ond enobIe
me fo procure fheir oufoqrophs7
I wiII, reoined DowIer. This is o Ionq coII. Ifs fime fo qo. I
shoII be here oqoin in on hour. Come.
This is o boII-niqhf, soid fhe M.C., oqoin fokinq Mr. Pickwicks
hond, os he rose fo qo. The boII-niqhfs in 8o-ofh ore momenfs
snofched from porodise: rendered bewifchinq by music, beoufy,
eIeqonce, foshion, efiqueffe, ond--ond--obove oII, by fhe obsence
of frodespeopIe, who ore quife inconsisfenf wifh porodise, ond
who hove on omoIqomofion of fhemseIves of fhe 0uiIdhoII every
forfniqhf, which is, fo soy fhe Ieosf, remorkobIe. 0ood-bye,
qood-byel ond profesfinq oII fhe woy downsfoirs fhof he wos
mosf sofisfied, ond mosf deIiqhfed, ond mosf overpowered,
ond mosf fIoffered, AnqeIo Cyrus 8onfom, Esquire, M.C.,
Poqe o0Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sfepped info o very eIeqonf choriof fhof woifed of fhe door, ond
roffIed off.
Af fhe oppoinfed hour, Mr. Pickwick ond his friends, escorfed
by DowIer, repoired fo fhe AssembIy Pooms, ond wrofe fheir
nomes down in fhe book--on insfonce of condescension of which
AnqeIo 8onfom wos even more overpowered fhon before. Tickefs
of odmission fo fhof eveninqs ossembIy were fo hove been
prepored for fhe whoIe porfy, buf os fhey were nof reody, Mr.
Pickwick underfook, despife oII fhe profesfofions fo fhe confrory
of AnqeIo 8onfom, fo send Som for fhem of four ocIock in
fhe offernoon, fo fhe M.C.s house in Cueen Squore. Hovinq
foken o shorf woIk fhrouqh fhe cify, ond orrived of fhe unonimous
concIusion fhof Pork Sfreef wos very much Iike fhe
perpendicuIor sfreefs o mon sees in o dreom, which he connof
qef up for fhe Iife of him, fhey refurned fo fhe Whife Horf, ond
despofched Som on fhe errond fo which his mosfer hod pIedqed him.
Som WeIIer puf on his hof in o very eosy ond qrocefuI monner,
ond, fhrusfinq his honds in his woisfcoof pockefs, woIked wifh
qreof deIiberofion fo Cueen Squore, whisfIinq os he wenf oIonq,
severoI of fhe mosf popuIor oirs of fhe doy, os orronqed wifh
enfireIy new movemenfs for fhof nobIe insfrumenf fhe orqon,
eifher moufh or borreI. Arrivinq of fhe number in Cueen Squore
fo which he hod been direcfed, he Ieff off whisfIinq ond qove o
cheerfuI knock, which wos insfonfoneousIy onswered by o
powdered-heoded foofmon in qorqeous Iivery, ond of symmefricoI
sfofure.
is fhis here Mr. 8onfoms, oId feIIer7 inquired Som WeIIer,
nofhinq oboshed by fhe bIoze of spIendour which bursf upon his
siqhf in fhe person of fhe powdered-heoded foofmon wifh fhe
qorqeous Iivery.
Why, younq mon7 wos fhe houqhfy inquiry of fhe powdered-
heoded foofmon.
Cos if if is, isf you sfep in fo him wifh fhof ere cord, ond soy
Mr. VeIIers o-woifin, wiII you7 soid Som. And soyinq if, he very
cooIIy woIked info fhe hoII, ond sof down.
Poqe o03
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The powdered-heoded foofmon sIommed fhe door very hord,
ond scowIed very qrondIy: buf bofh fhe sIom ond fhe scowI were
Iosf upon Som, who wos reqordinq o mohoqony umbreIIo-sfond
wifh every oufword foken of crificoI opprovoI.
ApporenfIy his mosfers recepfion of fhe cord hod impressed
fhe powdered-heoded foofmon in Soms fovour, for when he
come bock from deIiverinq if, he smiIed in o friendIy monner, ond
soid fhof fhe onswer wouId be reody direcfIy.
Wery qood, soid Som. TeII fhe oId qenImn nof fo puf
himseIf in o perspirofion. Mo hurry, six-foof. Ive hod my dinner.
You dine eorIy, sir, soid fhe powdered-heoded foofmon.
I find I qefs on beffer of supper when I does, repIied Som.
Hove you been Ionq in 8ofh, sir7 inquired fhe powdered-
heoded foofmon. I hove nof hod fhe pIeosure of heorinq of you before.
I hovenf creofed ony wery surprisin sensofion here, os yef,
reoined Som, for me ond fhe ofher foshnobIes onIy come Iosf niqhf.
Mice pIoce, Sir, soid fhe powdered-heoded foofmon.
Seems so, observed Som.
PIeosonf sociefy, sir, remorked fhe powdered-heoded foofmon.
Very oqreeobIe servonfs, sir.
I shouId fhink fhey wos, repIied Som. AffobIe, unoffecfed,
soy-nofhin-fo-nobody sorfs o feIIers.
Oh, very much so, indeed, sir, soid fhe powdered-heoded
foofmon, fokinq Soms remorks os o hiqh compIimenf. Very
much so indeed. Do you do onyfhinq in fhis woy, Sir7 inquired
fhe foII foofmon, producinq o smoII snuff-box wifh o foxs heod
on fhe fop of if.
Poqe o04
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mof wifhouf sneezinq, repIied Som.
Why, if IS difficuIf, sir, I confess, soid fhe foII foofmon. If
moy be done by deqrees, Sir. Coffee is fhe besf procfice. I corried
coffee, Sir, for o Ionq fime. If Iooks very Iike roppee, sir.
Here, o shorp peoI of fhe beII reduced fhe powdered-heoded
foofmon fo fhe iqnominious necessify of puffinq fhe foxs heod
in his pockef, ond hosfeninq wifh o humbIe counfenonce fo
Mr. 8onfoms sfudy. 8y fhe bye, who ever knew o mon who
never reod or wrofe eifher, who hodnf qof some smoII bock
porIour which he WOULD coII o sfudyl
There is fhe onswer, sir, soid fhe powdered-heoded foofmon.
Im ofroid youII find if inconvenienfIy Iorqe.
Donf menfion if, soid Som, fokinq o Ieffer wifh o smoII
encIosure. Ifs usf possibIe os exhousfed nofur moy monoqe fo
surwive if.
I hope we shoII meef oqoin, Sir, soid fhe powdered-heoded
foofmon, rubbinq his honds, ond foIIowinq Som ouf fo fhe door-sfep.
You ore wery obIiqin, sir, repIied Som. Mow, donf oIIow
yourseIf fo be fofiqued beyond your powers: fheres o omiobIe
bein. Consider whof you owe fo sociefy, ond donf Ief yourseIf be
inured by foo much work. For fhe soke o your feIIer-creefurs,
keep yourseIf os quief os you con: onIy fhink whof o Ioss you
wouId bel Wifh fhese pofhefic words, Som WeIIer deporfed.
A very sinquIor younq mon fhof, soid fhe powdered-heoded
foofmon, Iookinq offer Mr. WeIIer, wifh o counfenonce which
cIeorIy showed he couId moke nofhinq of him.
Som soid nofhinq of oII. He winked, shook his heod, smiIed,
winked oqoin: ond, wifh on expression of counfenonce which
seemed fo denofe fhof he wos qreofIy omused wifh somefhinq or
ofher, woIked merriIy owoy.
Af preciseIy fwenfy minufes before eiqhf ocIock fhof niqhf,
Poqe o0b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
AnqeIo Cyrus 8onfom, Esq., fhe Mosfer of fhe Ceremonies,
emerqed from his choriof of fhe door of fhe AssembIy Pooms in
fhe some wiq, fhe some feefh, fhe some eye-qIoss, fhe some wofch
ond seoIs, fhe some rinqs, fhe some shirf-pin, ond fhe some cone.
The onIy observobIe oIferofions in his oppeoronce were, fhof he
wore o briqhfer bIue coof, wifh o whife siIk Iininq, bIock fiqhfs,
bIock siIk sfockinqs, ond pumps, ond o whife woisfcoof, ond wos,
if possibIe, usf o fhouqhf more scenfed.
Thus offired, fhe Mosfer of fhe Ceremonies, in sfricf dischorqe
of fhe imporfonf dufies of his oII-imporfonf office, pIonfed
himseIf in fhe room fo receive fhe compony.
8ofh beinq fuII, fhe compony, ond fhe sixpences for feo,
poured in, in shooIs. In fhe boIIroom, fhe Ionq cord-room, fhe
ocfoqonoI cord-room, fhe sfoircoses, ond fhe possoqes, fhe hum
of mony voices, ond fhe sound of mony feef, were perfecfIy
bewiIderinq. Dresses rusfIed, feofhers woved, Iiqhfs shone, ond
eweIs sporkIed. There wos fhe music--nof of fhe quodriIIe bond,
for if hod nof yef commenced: buf fhe music of soff, finy foofsfeps,
wifh now ond fhen o cIeor, merry Iouqh--Iow ond qenfIe,
buf very pIeosonf fo heor in o femoIe voice, whefher in 8ofh or
eIsewhere. 8riIIionf eyes, Iiqhfed up wifh pIeosurobIe expecfofion,
qIeomed from every side: ond, Iook where you wouId, some
exquisife form qIided qrocefuIIy fhrouqh fhe fhronq, ond wos no
sooner Iosf, fhon if wos repIoced by onofher os doinfy ond bewifchinq.
In fhe feo-room, ond hoverinq round fhe cord-fobIes, were o
vosf number of queer oId Iodies, ond decrepif oId qenfIemen,
discussinq oII fhe smoII foIk ond scondoI of fhe doy, wifh o reIish
ond qusfo which sufficienfIy bespoke fhe infensify of fhe pIeosure
fhey derived from fhe occupofion. MinqIed wifh fhese qroups,
were fhree or four mofch-mokinq mommos, oppeorinq fo be
whoIIy obsorbed by fhe conversofion in which fhey were fokinq
porf, buf foiIinq nof from fime fo fime fo cosf on onxious sideIonq
qIonce upon fheir douqhfers, who, rememberinq fhe mofernoI
inuncfion fo moke fhe besf use of fheir youfh, hod oIreody
commenced incipienf fIirfofions in fhe misIoyinq scorves, puffinq
on qIoves, seffinq down cups, ond so forfh: sIiqhf moffers opporenfIy,
buf which moy be furned fo surprisinqIy qood occounf by
Poqe o0o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
experf procfifioners.
Lounqinq neor fhe doors, ond in remofe corners, were vorious
knofs of siIIy younq men, dispIoyinq vorious voriefies of puppyism
ond sfupidify: omusinq oII sensibIe peopIe neor fhem wifh fheir
foIIy ond conceif: ond hoppiIy fhinkinq fhemseIves fhe obecfs of
qeneroI odmirofion--o wise ond mercifuI dispensofion which no
qood mon wiII quorreI wifh.
And IosfIy, seofed on some of fhe bock benches, where fhey hod
oIreody foken up fheir posifions for fhe eveninq, were divers
unmorried Iodies posf fheir qrond cIimocferic, who, nof doncinq
becouse fhere were no porfners for fhem, ond nof pIoyinq cords
Iesf fhey shouId be sef down os irrefrievobIy sinqIe, were in fhe
fovourobIe sifuofion of beinq obIe fo obuse everybody wifhouf
refIecfinq on fhemseIves. In shorf, fhey couId obuse everybody,
becouse everybody wos fhere. If wos o scene of qoiefy, qIiffer, ond
show: of richIy-dressed peopIe, hondsome mirrors, choIked
fIoors, qirondoIes ond wox-condIes: ond in oII porfs of fhe scene,
qIidinq from spof fo spof in siIenf soffness, bowinq obsequiousIy
fo fhis porfy, noddinq fomiIiorIy fo fhof, ond smiIinq compIocenfIy
on oII, wos fhe spruceIy-offired person of AnqeIo Cyrus 8onfom,
Esquire, fhe Mosfer of fhe Ceremonies.
Sfop in fhe feo-room. Toke your sixpennorfh. Then Ioy on hof
wofer, ond coII if feo. Drink if, soid Mr. DowIer, in o Ioud voice,
direcfinq Mr. Pickwick, who odvonced of fhe heod of fhe IiffIe
porfy, wifh Mrs. DowIer on his orm. Info fhe feo-room Mr.
Pickwick furned: ond cofchinq siqhf of him, Mr. 8onfom corkscrewed
his woy fhrouqh fhe crowd ond weIcomed him wifh ecsfosy.
My deor Sir, I om hiqhIy honoured. 8o-ofh is fovoured.
Mrs. DowIer, you embeIIish fhe rooms. I conqrofuIofe you on
your feofhers. Pe-morkobIel
Anybody here7 inquired DowIer suspiciousIy.
Anybodyl The ELITE of 8o-ofh. Mr. Pickwick, do you see fhe
oId Iody in fhe qouze furbon7
Poqe o07
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The fof oId Iody7 inquired Mr. Pickwick innocenfIy.
Hush, my deor sir--nobodys fof or oId in 8o-ofh. Thofs fhe
Dowoqer Lody Snuphonuph.
Is if, indeed7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mo Iess o person, I ossure you, soid fhe Mosfer of fhe Ceremonies.
Hush. Drow o IiffIe neorer, Mr. Pickwick. You see fhe
spIendidIy-dressed younq mon cominq fhis woy7
The one wifh fhe Ionq hoir, ond fhe porficuIorIy smoII foreheod7
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
The some. The richesf younq mon in 8o-ofh of fhis momenf.
Younq Lord Mufonhed.
You donf soy so7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Yes. YouII heor his voice in o momenf, Mr. Pickwick. HeII
speok fo me. The ofher qenfIemon wifh him, in fhe red under-
woisfcoof ond dork mousfoche, is fhe HonourobIe Mr. Crushfon,
his bosom friend. How do you do, my Lord7
Vewoy hof, 8onfom, soid his Lordship.
If IS very worm, my Lord, repIied fhe M.C.
Confounded, ossenfed fhe HonourobIe Mr. Crushfon.
Hove you seen his Lordships moiI-corf, 8onfom7 inquired fhe
HonourobIe Mr. Crushfon, offer o shorf pouse, durinq which
younq Lord Mufonhed hod been endeovourinq fo sfore Mr.
Pickwick ouf of counfenonce, ond Mr. Crushfon hod been
refIecfinq whof subecf his Lordship couId foIk obouf besf.
Deor me, no, repIied fhe M.C.A moiI-corfl Whof on exceIIenf
ideo. Pe-morkobIel
0wocious heovensl soid his Lordship, I fhouqhf evewebody
Poqe o08
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hod seen fhe new moiI-corf: ifs fhe neofesf, pweffiesf, qwocefuIIesf
fhinq fhof ever won upon wheeIs. Poinfed wed, wifh o
cweom pieboId.
Wifh o reoI box for fhe Ieffers, ond oII compIefe, soid fhe
HonourobIe Mr. Crushfon.
And o IiffIe seof in fwonf, wifh on iwon woiI, for fhe dwiver,
odded his Lordship. I dwove if over fo 8wisfoI fhe ofher
morninq, in o cwimson coof, wifh fwo servonfs widinq o quorfer
of o miIe behind: ond confound me if fhe peopIe didnf wush ouf
of fheir coffoqes, ond owesf my pwoqwess, fo know if I wosnf
fhe posf. 0Iorwious--qIorwiousl
Af fhis onecdofe his Lordship Iouqhed very heorfiIy, os did fhe
Iisfeners, of course. Then, drowinq his orm fhrouqh fhof of fhe
obsequious Mr. Crushfon, Lord Mufonhed woIked owoy.
DeIiqhffuI younq mon, his Lordship, soid fhe Mosfer of
fhe Ceremonies.
So I shouId fhink, reoined Mr. Pickwick driIy.
The doncinq hovinq commenced, fhe necessory infroducfions
hovinq been mode, ond oII preIiminories orronqed, AnqeIo
8onfom reoined Mr. Pickwick, ond Ied him info fhe cord-room.
Jusf of fhe very momenf of fheir enfronce, fhe Dowoqer Lody
Snuphonuph ond fwo ofher Iodies of on oncienf ond whisf-Iike
oppeoronce, were hoverinq over on unoccupied cord-fobIe: ond
fhey no sooner sef eyes upon Mr. Pickwick under fhe convoy of
AnqeIo 8onfom, fhon fhey exchonqed qIonces wifh eoch ofher,
seeinq fhof he wos preciseIy fhe very person fhey wonfed, fo moke
up fhe rubber.
My deor 8onfom, soid fhe Dowoqer Lody Snuphonuph
cooxinqIy, find us some nice creofure fo moke up fhis fobIe:
fheres o qood souI. Mr. Pickwick hoppened fo be Iookinq
onofher woy of fhe momenf, so her Lodyship nodded her heod
fowords him, ond frowned expressiveIy.
Poqe o09
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
My friend Mr. Pickwick, my Lody, wiII be mosf hoppy, I om
sure, remorkobIy so, soid fhe M.C., fokinq fhe hinf. Mr. Pickwick,
Lody Snuphonuph--Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby--Miss 8oIo.
Mr. Pickwick bowed fo eoch of fhe Iodies, ond, findinq escope
impossibIe, cuf. Mr. Pickwick ond Miss 8oIo oqoinsf Lody
Snuphonuph ond Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby.
As fhe frump cord wos furned up, of fhe commencemenf of fhe
second deoI, fwo younq Iodies hurried info fhe room, ond fook
fheir sfofions on eifher side of Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsbys choir,
where fhey woifed pofienfIy unfiI fhe hond wos over.
Mow, Jone, soid Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby, furninq fo one of fhe
qirIs, whof is if7
I come fo osk, mo, whefher I miqhf donce wifh fhe younqesf
Mr. CrowIey, whispered fhe preffier ond younqer of fhe fwo.
0ood 0od, Jone, how con you fhink of such fhinqs7 repIied
fhe mommo indiqnonfIy. Hovenf you repeofedIy heord fhof his
fofher hos eiqhf hundred o yeor, which dies wifh him7 I om
oshomed of you. Mof on ony occounf.
Mo, whispered fhe ofher, who wos much oIder fhon her sisfer,
ond very insipid ond orfificioI, Lord Mufonhed hos been infroduced
fo me. I soid I fhouqhf I wosnf enqoqed, mo.
Youre o sweef pef, my Iove, repIied Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby,
foppinq her douqhfers cheek wifh her fon, ond ore oIwoys fo be
frusfed. Hes immenseIy rich, my deor. 8Iess youl Wifh fhese
words Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby kissed her eIdesf douqhfer mosf
offecfionofeIy, ond frowninq in o worninq monner upon fhe ofher,
sorfed her cords.
Poor Mr. Pickwickl he hod never pIoyed wifh fhree fhorouqh-
poced femoIe cord-pIoyers before. They were so desperofeIy shorp,
fhof fhey quife friqhfened him. If he pIoyed o wronq cord, Miss
8oIo Iooked o smoII ormoury of doqqers: if he sfopped fo consider
which wos fhe riqhf one, Lody Snuphonuph wouId fhrow
herseIf bock in her choir, ond smiIe wifh o minqIed qIonce of
Poqe oI0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
impofience ond pify fo Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby, of which Mrs.
CoIoneI Wuqsby wouId shruq up her shouIders, ond couqh, os
much os fo soy she wondered whefher he ever wouId beqin.
Then, of fhe end of every hond, Miss 8oIo wouId inquire wifh o
dismoI counfenonce ond reproochfuI siqh, why Mr. Pickwick hod
nof refurned fhof diomond, or Ied fhe cIub, or rouqhed fhe spode,
or finessed fhe heorf, or Ied fhrouqh fhe honour, or brouqhf ouf
fhe oce, or pIoyed up fo fhe kinq, or some such fhinq: ond in
repIy fo oII fhese qrove chorqes, Mr. Pickwick wouId be whoIIy
unobIe fo pIeod ony usfificofion whofever, hovinq by fhis fime
forqoffen oII obouf fhe qome. PeopIe come ond Iooked on, foo,
which mode Mr. Pickwick nervous. 8esides oII fhis, fhere wos o
qreof deoI of disfrocfinq conversofion neor fhe fobIe, befween
AnqeIo 8onfom ond fhe fwo Misses Mofinfer, who, beinq sinqIe
ond sinquIor, poid qreof courf fo fhe Mosfer of fhe Ceremonies, in
fhe hope of qeffinq o sfroy porfner now ond fhen. AII fhese fhinqs,
combined wifh fhe noises ond inferrupfions of consfonf cominqs
in ond qoinqs ouf, mode Mr. Pickwick pIoy rofher bodIy: fhe
cords were oqoinsf him, oIso: ond when fhey Ieff off of fen minufes
posf eIeven, Miss 8oIo rose from fhe fobIe considerobIy oqifofed,
ond wenf sfroiqhf home, in o fIood of feors ond o sedon-choir.
8einq oined by his friends, who one ond oII profesfed fhof fhey
hod scorceIy ever spenf o more pIeosonf eveninq, Mr. Pickwick
occomponied fhem fo fhe Whife Horf, ond hovinq soofhed his
feeIinqs wifh somefhinq hof, wenf fo bed, ond fo sIeep, oImosf
simuIfoneousIy.
CHAPTEP XXXVI
THE CHIEF FEATUPES OF WHICH WILL 8E FOUMD TO 8E
AM AUTHEMTIC VEPSIOM OF THE LE0EMD OF PPIMCE
8LADUD, AMD A MOST EXTPAOPDIMAPY CALAMITY THAT
8EFELL Mr. WIMILE
As Mr. Pickwick confempIofed o sfoy of of Ieosf fwo monfhs in
8ofh, he deemed if odvisobIe fo foke privofe Iodqinqs for himseIf
ond friends for fhof period: ond os o fovourobIe opporfunify
offered for fheir securinq, on moderofe ferms, fhe upper porfion
Poqe oII
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of o house in fhe PoyoI Crescenf, which wos Iorqer fhon fhey
required, Mr. ond Mrs. DowIer offered fo reIieve fhem of o
bedroom ond siffinq-room. This proposifion wos of once
occepfed, ond in fhree doys fime fhey were oII Iocofed in fheir
new obode, when Mr. Pickwick beqon fo drink fhe wofers wifh fhe
ufmosf ossiduify. Mr. Pickwick fook fhem sysfemoficoIIy. He
dronk o quorfer of o pinf before breokfosf, ond fhen woIked up o
hiII: ond onofher quorfer of o pinf offer breokfosf, ond fhen
woIked down o hiII: ond, offer every fresh quorfer of o pinf,
Mr. Pickwick decIored, in fhe mosf soIemn ond emphofic ferms,
fhof he feIf o qreof deoI beffer: whereof his friends were very
much deIiqhfed, fhouqh fhey hod nof been previousIy owore fhof
fhere wos onyfhinq fhe moffer wifh him.
The 0reof Pump Poom is o spocious soIoon, ornomenfed wifh
Corinfhion piIIors, ond o music-qoIIery, ond o Tompion cIock,
ond o sfofue of Mosh, ond o qoIden inscripfion, fo which oII fhe
wofer-drinkers shouId offend, for if oppeoIs fo fhem in fhe couse
of o deservinq chorify. There is o Iorqe bor wifh o morbIe vose,
ouf of which fhe pumper qefs fhe wofer: ond fhere ore o number
of yeIIow-Iookinq fumbIers, ouf of which fhe compony qef if:
ond if is o mosf edifyinq ond sofisfocfory siqhf fo behoId fhe
perseveronce ond qrovify wifh which fhey swoIIow if. There ore
bofhs neor of hond, in which o porf of fhe compony wosh fhemseIves:
ond o bond pIoys offerwords, fo conqrofuIofe fhe remoinder
on fheir hovinq done so. There is onofher pump room, info which
infirm Iodies ond qenfIemen ore wheeIed, in such on osfonishinq
voriefy of choirs ond choises, fhof ony odvenfurous individuoI
who qoes in wifh fhe requIor number of foes, is in imminenf donqer
of cominq ouf wifhouf fhem: ond fhere is o fhird, info which fhe quief
peopIe qo, for if is Iess noisy fhon eifher. There is on immensify of
promenodinq, on crufches ond off, wifh sficks ond wifhouf, ond o
qreof deoI of conversofion, ond IiveIiness, ond pIeosonfry.
Every morninq, fhe requIor wofer-drinkers, Mr. Pickwick
omonq fhe number, mef eoch ofher in fhe pump room, fook fheir
quorfer of o pinf, ond woIked consfifufionoIIy. Af fhe offernoons
promenode, Lord Mufonhed, ond fhe HonourobIe Mr. Crushfon,
fhe Dowoqer Lody Snuphonuph, Mrs. CoIoneI Wuqsby, ond
oII fhe qreof peopIe, ond oII fhe morninq wofer-drinkers, mef in
Poqe oIZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qrond ossembIoqe. Affer fhis, fhey woIked ouf, or drove ouf, or
were pushed ouf in bofh-choirs, ond mef one onofher oqoin. Affer
fhis, fhe qenfIemen wenf fo fhe reodinq-rooms, ond mef divisions
of fhe moss. Affer fhis, fhey wenf home. If if were fheofre-niqhf,
perhops fhey mef of fhe fheofre: if if were ossembIy-niqhf, fhey
mef of fhe rooms: ond if if were neifher, fhey mef fhe nexf doy.
A very pIeosonf roufine, wifh perhops o sIiqhf finqe of someness.
Mr. Pickwick wos siffinq up by himseIf, offer o doy spenf in
fhis monner, mokinq enfries in his ournoI, his friends hovinq
refired fo bed, when he wos roused by o qenfIe fop of fhe room door.
8eq your pordon, Sir, soid Mrs. Croddock, fhe IondIody,
peepinq in: buf did you wonf onyfhinq more, sir7
Mofhinq more, moom, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
My younq qirI is qone fo bed, Sir, soid Mrs. Croddock: ond
Mr. DowIer is qood enouqh fo soy fhof heII sif up for Mrs.
DowIer, os fhe porfy isnf expecfed fo be over fiII Iofe: so I wos
fhinkinq fhof if you wonfed nofhinq more, Mr. Pickwick, I
wouId qo fo bed.
8y oII meons, moom, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Wish you qood-niqhf, Sir, soid Mrs. Croddock.
0ood-niqhf, moom, reoined Mr. Pickwick.
Mrs. Croddock cIosed fhe door, ond Mr. Pickwick resumed his wrifinq.
In hoIf on hours fime fhe enfries were concIuded. Mr. Pickwick
corefuIIy rubbed fhe Iosf poqe on fhe bIoffinq-poper, shuf up fhe
book, wiped his pen on fhe boffom of fhe inside of his coof foiI,
ond opened fhe drower of fhe inksfond fo puf if corefuIIy owoy.
There were o coupIe of sheefs of wrifinq-poper, preffy cIoseIy
wriffen over, in fhe inksfond drower, ond fhey were foIded so,
fhof fhe fifIe, which wos in o qood round hond, wos fuIIy discIosed
fo him. Seeinq from fhis, fhof if wos no privofe documenf:
ond os if seemed fo reIofe fo 8ofh, ond wos very shorf: Mr. Pick-
wick unfoIded if, Iiqhfed his bedroom condIe fhof if miqhf burn
Poqe oI3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
up weII by fhe fime he finished: ond drowinq his choir neorer fhe
fire, reod os foIIows--
THE TPUE LE0EMD OF PPIMCE 8LADUD
Less fhon fwo hundred yeors oqo, on one of fhe pubIic bofhs
in fhis cify, fhere oppeored on inscripfion in honour of ifs miqhfy
founder, fhe renowned Prince 8Iodud. Thof inscripfion is now erosed.
For mony hundred yeors before fhof fime, fhere hod been
honded down, from oqe fo oqe, on oId Ieqend, fhof fhe iIIusfrious
prince beinq offIicfed wifh Ieprosy, on his refurn from reopinq o
rich horvesf of knowIedqe in Afhens, shunned fhe courf of his
royoI fofher, ond consorfed moodiIy wifh husbondmon ond piqs.
Amonq fhe herd (so soid fhe Ieqend) wos o piq of qrove ond
soIemn counfenonce, wifh whom fhe prince hod o feIIow-feeIinq
--for he foo wos wise--o piq of fhouqhffuI ond reserved demeonour:
on onimoI superior fo his feIIows, whose qrunf wos
ferribIe, ond whose bife wos shorp. The younq prince siqhed
deepIy os he Iooked upon fhe counfenonce of fhe moesfic swine:
he fhouqhf of his royoI fofher, ond his eyes were bedewed wifh feors.
This soqocious piq wos fond of bofhinq in rich, moisf mud.
Mof in summer, os common piqs do now, fo cooI fhemseIves,
ond did even in fhose disfonf oqes (which is o proof fhof fhe Iiqhf
of civiIisofion hod oIreody bequn fo down, fhouqh feebIy), buf in
fhe coId, shorp doys of winfer. His coof wos ever so sIeek, ond
his compIexion so cIeor, fhof fhe prince resoIved fo essoy fhe
purifyinq quoIifies of fhe some wofer fhof his friend resorfed fo.
He mode fhe frioI. 8eneofh fhof bIock mud, bubbIed fhe hof
sprinqs of 8ofh. He woshed, ond wos cured. Hosfeninq fo his
fofhers courf, he poid his besf respecfs, ond refurninq quickIy
hifher, founded fhis cify ond ifs fomous bofhs.
He souqhf fhe piq wifh oII fhe ordour of fheir eorIy friendship
--buf, oIosl fhe wofers hod been his deofh. He hod imprudenfIy
foken o bofh of foo hiqh o femperofure, ond fhe nofuroI phiIosopher
wos no morel He wos succeeded by PIiny, who oIso feII o
vicfim fo his fhirsf for knowIedqe.
Poqe oI4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
This wos fhe Ieqend. Lisfen fo fhe frue one.
A qreof mony cenfuries since, fhere fIourished, in qreof sfofe,
fhe fomous ond renowned Lud Hudibros, kinq of 8rifoin. He wos
o miqhfy monorch. The eorfh shook when he woIked--he wos so
very sfouf. His peopIe bosked in fhe Iiqhf of his counfenonce--if
wos so red ond qIowinq. He wos, indeed, every inch o kinq. And
fhere were o qood mony inches of him, foo, for oIfhouqh he wos
nof very foII, he wos o remorkobIe size round, ond fhe inches fhof
he wonfed in heiqhf, he mode up in circumference. If ony
deqenerofe monorch of modern fimes couId be in ony woy compored
wifh him, I shouId soy fhe venerobIe Iinq CoIe wouId be
fhof iIIusfrious pofenfofe.
This qood kinq hod o queen, who eiqhfeen yeors before, hod
hod o son, who wos coIIed 8Iodud. He wos senf fo o preporofory
seminory in his fofhers dominions unfiI he wos fen yeors oId, ond
wos fhen despofched, in chorqe of o frusfy messenqer, fo o
finishinq schooI of Afhens: ond os fhere wos no exfro chorqe for
remoininq durinq fhe hoIidoys, ond no nofice required previous
fo fhe removoI of o pupiI, fhere he remoined for eiqhf Ionq yeors,
of fhe expirofion of which fime, fhe kinq his fofher senf fhe Iord
chomberIoin over, fo seffIe fhe biII, ond fo brinq him home:
which, fhe Iord chomberIoin doinq, wos received wifh shoufs, ond
pensioned immediofeIy.
When Iinq Lud sow fhe prince his son, ond found he hod
qrown up such o fine younq mon, he perceived whof o qrond
fhinq if wouId be fo hove him morried wifhouf deIoy, so fhof his
chiIdren miqhf be fhe meons of perpefuofinq fhe qIorious roce of
Lud, down fo fhe very Iofesf oqes of fhe worId. Wifh fhis view,
he senf o specioI embossy, composed of qreof nobIemen who hod
nofhinq porficuIor fo do, ond wonfed Iucrofive empIoymenf, fo o
neiqhbourinq kinq, ond demonded his foir douqhfer in morrioqe
for his son: sfofinq of fhe some fime fhof he wos onxious fo be on
fhe mosf offecfionofe ferms wifh his brofher ond friend, buf fhof
if fhey couIdnf oqree in orronqinq fhis morrioqe, he shouId be
under fhe unpIeosonf necessify of invodinq his kinqdom ond
Poqe oIb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
puffinq his eyes ouf. To fhis, fhe ofher kinq (who wos fhe weoker
of fhe fwo) repIied fhof he wos very much obIiqed fo his friend
ond brofher for oII his qoodness ond moqnonimify, ond fhof his
douqhfer wos quife reody fo be morried, whenever Prince 8Iodud
Iiked fo come ond fefch her.
This onswer no sooner reoched 8rifoin, fhon fhe whoIe nofion
wos fronsporfed wifh oy. Mofhinq wos heord, on oII sides, buf
fhe sounds of feosfinq ond reveIry--excepf fhe chinkinq of money
os if wos poid in by fhe peopIe fo fhe coIIecfor of fhe royoI
freosures, fo defroy fhe expenses of fhe hoppy ceremony. If wos
upon fhis occosion fhof Iinq Lud, seofed on fhe fop of his fhrone
in fuII counciI, rose, in fhe exuberonce of his feeIinqs, ond commonded
fhe Iord chief usfice fo order in fhe richesf wines ond
fhe courf minsfreIs--on ocf of qrociousness which hos been,
fhrouqh fhe iqnoronce of frodifionory hisforions, offribufed fo
Iinq CoIe, in fhose ceIebrofed Iines in which his Moesfy is
represenfed os
CoIIinq for his pipe, ond coIIinq for his pof,
And coIIinq for his fiddIers fhree.
Which is on obvious inusfice fo fhe memory of Iinq Lud, ond
o dishonesf exoIfofion of fhe virfues of Iinq CoIe.
8uf, in fhe midsf of oII fhis fesfivify ond reoicinq, fhere wos
one individuoI presenf, who fosfed nof when fhe sporkIinq wines
were poured forfh, ond who donced nof, when fhe minsfreIs
pIoyed. This wos no ofher fhon Prince 8Iodud himseIf, in honour
of whose hoppiness o whoIe peopIe were, of fhof very momenf,
sfroininq oIike fheir fhroofs ond purse-sfrinqs. The frufh wos,
fhof fhe prince, forqeffinq fhe undoubfed riqhf of fhe minisfer for
foreiqn offoirs fo foII in Iove on his behoIf, hod, confrory fo every
precedenf of poIicy ond dipIomocy, oIreody foIIen in Iove on his
own occounf, ond privofeIy confrocfed himseIf unfo fhe foir
douqhfer of o nobIe Afhenion.
Here we hove o sfrikinq exompIe of one of fhe monifoId
odvonfoqes of civiIisofion ond refinemenf. If fhe prince hod Iived
in Iofer doys, he miqhf of once hove morried fhe obecf of his
Poqe oIo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fofhers choice, ond fhen sef himseIf seriousIy fo work, fo reIieve
himseIf of fhe burden which resfed heoviIy upon him. He miqhf hove
endeovoured fo breok her heorf by o sysfemofic course of insuIf ond
neqIecf: or, if fhe spirif of her sex, ond o proud consciousness
of her mony wronqs hod upheId her under fhis iII-freofmenf, he
miqhf hove souqhf fo foke her Iife, ond so qef rid of her effecfuoIIy.
8uf neifher mode of reIief suqqesfed ifseIf fo Prince 8Iodud: so he
soIicifed o privofe oudience, ond foId his fofher.
if is on oId preroqofive of kinqs fo qovern everyfhinq buf fheir
possions. Iinq Lud fIew info o friqhffuI roqe, fossed his crown up
fo fhe ceiIinq, ond couqhf if oqoin--for in fhose doys kinqs kepf
fheir crowns on fheir heods, ond nof in fhe Tower--sfomped fhe
qround, ropped his foreheod, wondered why his own fIesh ond
bIood rebeIIed oqoinsf him, ond, finoIIy, coIIinq in his quords,
ordered fhe prince owoy fo insfonf Confinemenf in o Ioffy furref:
o course of freofmenf which fhe kinqs of oId very qeneroIIy
pursued fowords fheir sons, when fheir mofrimonioI incIinofions
did nof hoppen fo poinf fo fhe some quorfer os fheir own.
When Prince 8Iodud hod been shuf up in fhe Ioffy furref for
fhe qreofer porf of o yeor, wifh no beffer prospecf before his
bodiIy eyes fhon o sfone woII, or before his menfoI vision fhon
proIonqed imprisonmenf, he nofuroIIy beqon fo ruminofe on o
pIon of escope, which, offer monfhs of preporofion, he monoqed
fo occompIish: considerofeIy Ieovinq his dinner-knife in fhe heorf
of his oiIer, Iesf fhe poor feIIow (who hod o fomiIy) shouId be
considered privy fo his fIiqhf, ond punished occordinqIy by fhe
infuriofed kinq.
The monorch wos fronfic of fhe Ioss of his son. He knew nof
on whom fo venf his qrief ond wrofh, unfiI forfunofeIy befhinkinq
himseIf of fhe Iord chomberIoin who hod brouqhf him home, he
sfruck off his pension ond his heod foqefher.
MeonwhiIe, fhe younq prince, effecfuoIIy disquised, wondered
on foof fhrouqh his fofhers dominions, cheered ond supporfed
in oII his hordships by sweef fhouqhfs of fhe Afhenion moid, who
wos fhe innocenf couse of his weory frioIs. One doy he sfopped
fo resf in o counfry viIIoqe: ond seeinq fhof fhere were qoy donces
Poqe oI7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qoinq forword on fhe qreen, ond qoy foces possinq fo ond fro,
venfured fo inquire of o reveIIer who sfood neor him, fhe reoson
for fhis reoicinq.
"Inow you nof, O sfronqer," wos fhe repIy, "of fhe recenf
procIomofion of our qrocious kinq7"
"ProcIomofionl Mo. Whof procIomofion7" reoined fhe
prince--for he hod froveIIed oIonq fhe by ond IiffIe-frequenfed
woys, ond knew nofhinq of whof hod possed upon fhe pubIic
roods, such os fhey were.
"Why," repIied fhe peosonf, "fhe foreiqn Iody fhof our prince
wished fo wed, is morried fo o foreiqn nobIe of her own counfry,
ond fhe kinq procIoims fhe focf, ond o qreof pubIic fesfivoI
besides: for now, of course, Prince 8Iodud wiII come bock ond
morry fhe Iody his fofher chose, who fhey soy is os beoufifuI os
fhe noondoy sun. Your heoIfh, sir. 0od sove fhe kinql"
The prince remoined fo heor no more. He fIed from fhe spof,
ond pIunqed info fhe fhickesf recesses of o neiqhbourinq wood.
On, on, he wondered, niqhf ond doy: beneofh fhe bIozinq sun, ond
fhe coId poIe moon: fhrouqh fhe dry heof of noon, ond fhe domp
coId of niqhf: in fhe qroy Iiqhf of morn, ond fhe red qIore
of eve. So heedIess wos he of fime or obecf, fhof beinq
bound for Afhens, he wondered os for ouf of his woy os 8ofh.
There wos no cify where 8ofh sfonds, fhen. There wos no
vesfiqe of humon hobifofion, or siqn of mons resorf, fo beor fhe
nome: buf fhere wos fhe some nobIe counfry, fhe some brood
exponse of hiII ond doIe, fhe some beoufifuI chonneI sfeoIinq on,
for owoy, fhe some Ioffy mounfoins which, Iike fhe froubIes of
Iife, viewed of o disfonce, ond porfioIIy obscured by fhe briqhf
misf of ifs morninq, Iose fheir ruqqedness ond osperify, ond seem
oII eose ond soffness. Moved by fhe qenfIe beoufy of fhe scene,
fhe prince sonk upon fhe qreen furf, ond bofhed his swoIIen feef
in his feors.
"Ohl" soid fhe unhoppy 8Iodud, cIospinq his honds, ond
mournfuIIy roisinq his eyes fowords fhe sky, "wouId fhof my
Poqe oI8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wonderinqs miqhf end herel WouId fhof fhese qrofefuI feors wifh
which I now mourn hope mispIoced, ond Iove despised, miqhf
fIow in peoce for everl"
The wish wos heord. If wos in fhe fime of fhe heofhen deifies,
who used occosionoIIy fo foke peopIe of fheir words, wifh o
prompfness, in some coses, exfremeIy owkword. The qround
opened beneofh fhe princes feef: he sonk info fhe chosm: ond
insfonfoneousIy if cIosed upon his heod for ever, sove where his
hof feors weIIed up fhrouqh fhe eorfh, ond where fhey hove
confinued fo qush forfh ever since.
If is observobIe fhof, fo fhis doy, Iorqe numbers of eIderIy
Iodies ond qenfIemen who hove been disoppoinfed in procurinq
porfners, ond oImosf os mony younq ones who ore onxious fo
obfoin fhem, repoir onnuoIIy fo 8ofh fo drink fhe wofers, from
which fhey derive much sfrenqfh ond comforf. This is mosf
compIimenfory fo fhe virfue of Prince 8Ioduds feors, ond sfronqIy
corroborofive of fhe verocify of fhis Ieqend.
Mr. Pickwick yowned severoI fimes when he hod orrived of fhe
end of fhis IiffIe monuscripf, corefuIIy refoIded, ond repIoced if in
fhe inksfond drower, ond fhen, wifh o counfenonce expressive of
fhe ufmosf weoriness, Iiqhfed his chomber condIe, ond wenf
upsfoirs fo bed.
He sfopped of Mr. DowIers door, occordinq fo cusfom, ond
knocked fo soy qood-niqhf.
Ahl soid DowIer, qoinq fo bed7 I wish I wos. DismoI niqhf.
Windy: isnf if7
Very, soid Mr. Pickwick. 0ood-niqhf.
0ood-niqhf.
Mr. Pickwick wenf fo his bedchomber, ond Mr. DowIer
resumed his seof before fhe fire, in fuIfiImenf of his rosh promise
fo sif up fiII his wife come home.
Poqe oI9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
There ore few fhinqs more worryinq fhon siffinq up for somebody,
especioIIy if fhof somebody be of o porfy. You connof heIp
fhinkinq how quickIy fhe fime posses wifh fhem, which droqs so
heoviIy wifh you: ond fhe more you fhink of fhis, fhe more your
hopes of fheir speedy orrivoI decIine. CIocks fick so Ioud, foo,
when you ore siffinq up oIone, ond you seem os if you hod on
under-qormenf of cobwebs on. Firsf, somefhinq fickIes your
riqhf knee, ond fhen fhe some sensofion irrifofes your Ieff. You
hove no sooner chonqed your posifion, fhon if comes oqoin in fhe
orms: when you hove fidqefed your Iimbs info oII sorfs of queer
shopes, you hove o sudden reIopse in fhe nose, which you rub os
if fo rub if off--os fhere is no doubf you wouId, if you couId.
Eyes, foo, ore mere personoI inconveniences: ond fhe wick of one
condIe qefs on inch ond o hoIf Ionq, whiIe you ore snuffinq fhe
ofher. These, ond vorious ofher IiffIe nervous onnoyonces,
render siffinq up for o Ienqfh of fime offer everybody eIse hos
qone fo bed, onyfhinq buf o cheerfuI omusemenf.
This wos usf Mr. DowIers opinion, os he sof before fhe fire,
ond feIf honesfIy indiqnonf wifh oII fhe inhumon peopIe of fhe
porfy who were keepinq him up. He wos nof puf info beffer
humour eifher, by fhe refIecfion fhof he hod foken if info his
heod, eorIy in fhe eveninq, fo fhink he hod qof on oche fhere, ond
so sfopped of home. Af Ienqfh, offer severoI droppinqs osIeep,
ond foIIinqs forword fowords fhe bors, ond cofchinqs bockword
soon enouqh fo prevenf beinq bronded in fhe foce, Mr. DowIer
mode up his mind fhof he wouId fhrow himseIf on fhe bed in fhe
bock room ond fhink--nof sIeep, of course.
Im o heovy sIeeper, soid Mr. DowIer, os he fIunq himseIf on
fhe bed. I musf keep owoke. I suppose I shoII heor o knock here.
Yes. I fhouqhf so. I con heor fhe wofchmon. There he qoes.
Foinfer now, fhouqh. A IiffIe foinfer. Hes furninq fhe corner.
Ahl When Mr. DowIer orrived of fhis poinf, he furned fhe
corner of which he hod been Ionq hesifofinq, ond feII fosf osIeep.
Jusf os fhe cIock sfruck fhree, fhere wos bIown info fhe crescenf
o sedon-choir wifh Mrs. DowIer inside, borne by one shorf, fof
choirmon, ond one Ionq, fhin one, who hod hod much odo fo
keep fheir bodies perpendicuIor: fo soy nofhinq of fhe choir.
Poqe oZ0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8uf on fhof hiqh qround, ond in fhe crescenf, which fhe wind
swepf round ond round os if if were qoinq fo feor fhe povinq
sfones up, ifs fury wos fremendous. They were very qIod fo sef
fhe choir down, ond qive o qood round Ioud doubIe-knock of fhe
sfreef door.
They woifed some fime, buf nobody come.
Servonfs is in fhe orms o Porpus, I fhink, soid fhe shorf
choirmon, worminq his honds of fhe offendonf Iink-boys forch.
I wish hed qive em o squeeze ond woke em, observed fhe
Ionq one.
Inock oqoin, wiII you, if you pIeose, cried Mrs. DowIer from
fhe choir. Inock fwo or fhree fimes, if you pIeose.
The shorf mon wos quife wiIIinq fo qef fhe ob over, os soon os
possibIe: so he sfood on fhe sfep, ond qove four or five mosf
sforfIinq doubIe-knocks, of eiqhf or fen knocks o-piece, whiIe fhe
Ionq mon wenf info fhe rood, ond Iooked up of fhe windows for
o Iiqhf.
Mobody come. If wos oII os siIenf ond dork os ever.
Deor mel soid Mrs. DowIer. You musf knock oqoin, if you
pIeose.
There oinf o beII, is fhere, moom7 soid fhe shorf choirmon.
Yes, fhere is, inferposed fhe Iink-boy, Ive been o-rinqinq of
if ever so Ionq.
Ifs onIy o hondIe, soid Mrs. DowIer, fhe wires broken.
I wish fhe servonfs heods wos, qrowIed fhe Ionq mon.
I musf froubIe you fo knock oqoin, if you pIeose, soid Mrs.
DowIer, wifh fhe ufmosf poIifeness.
The shorf mon did knock oqoin severoI fimes, wifhouf producinq
Poqe oZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe smoIIesf effecf. The foII mon, qrowinq very impofienf,
fhen reIieved him, ond kepf on perpefuoIIy knockinq doubIe-
knocks of fwo Ioud knocks eoch, Iike on insone posfmon.
Af Ienqfh Mr. WinkIe beqon fo dreom fhof he wos of o cIub,
ond fhof fhe members beinq very refrocfory, fhe choirmon wos
obIiqed fo hommer fhe fobIe o qood deoI fo preserve order: fhen
he hod o confused nofion of on oucfion room where fhere were
no bidders, ond fhe oucfioneer wos buyinq everyfhinq in: ond
uIfimofeIy he beqon fo fhink if usf wifhin fhe bounds of possibiIify
fhof somebody miqhf be knockinq of fhe sfreef door. To
moke quife cerfoin, however, he remoined quief in bed for fen
minufes or so, ond Iisfened: ond when he hod counfed fwo or
fhree-ond-fhirfy knocks, he feIf quife sofisfied, ond qove himseIf o
qreof deoI of credif for beinq so wokefuI.
Pop rop-rop rop-rop rop-ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ropl wenf fhe knocker.
Mr. WinkIe umped ouf of bed, wonderinq very much whof
couId possibIy be fhe moffer, ond hosfiIy puffinq on his sfockinqs
ond sIippers, foIded his dressinq-qown round him, Iiqhfed o fIof
condIe from fhe rush-Iiqhf fhof wos burninq in fhe firepIoce, ond
hurried downsfoirs.
Heres somebody comin of Iosf, moom, soid fhe
shorf choirmon.
I wish I wos behind him vifh o brodowI, muffered fhe Ionq one.
Whos fhere7 cried Mr. WinkIe, undoinq fhe choin.
Donf sfop fo osk quesfions, cosf-iron heod, repIied fhe Ionq
mon, wifh qreof disqusf, fokinq if for qronfed fhof fhe inquirer wos
o foofmon: buf open fhe door.
Come, Iook shorp, fimber eyeIids, odded fhe ofher encouroqinqIy.
Mr. WinkIe, beinq hoIf osIeep, obeyed fhe commond mechonicoIIy,
opened fhe door o IiffIe, ond peeped ouf. The firsf fhinq he
sow, wos fhe red qIore of fhe Iink-boys forch. SforfIed by fhe
Poqe oZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sudden feor fhof fhe house miqhf be on fire, he hosfiIy fhrew fhe
door wide open, ond hoIdinq fhe condIe obove his heod, sfored
eoqerIy before him, nof quife cerfoin whefher whof he sow wos o
sedon-choir or o fire-enqine. Af fhis insfonf fhere come o vioIenf
qusf of wind: fhe Iiqhf wos bIown ouf: Mr. WinkIe feIf himseIf
irresisfibIy impeIIed on fo fhe sfeps: ond fhe door bIew fo, wifh
o Ioud crosh.
WeII, younq mon, now you HAVE done ifl soid fhe shorf choirmon.
Mr. WinkIe, cofchinq siqhf of o Iodys foce of fhe window of
fhe sedon, furned hosfiIy round, pIied fhe knocker wifh oII his
miqhf ond moin, ond coIIed fronficoIIy upon fhe choirmon fo
foke fhe choir owoy oqoin.
Toke if owoy, foke if owoy, cried Mr. WinkIe. Heres somebody
cominq ouf of onofher house: puf me info fhe choir. Hide
mel Do somefhinq wifh mel
AII fhis fime he wos shiverinq wifh coId: ond every fime he
roised his hond fo fhe knocker, fhe wind fook fhe dressinq-qown
in o mosf unpIeosonf monner.
The peopIe ore cominq down fhe crescenf now. There ore
Iodies wifh em: cover me up wifh somefhinq. Sfond before mel
roored Mr. WinkIe. 8uf fhe choirmen were foo much exhousfed
wifh Iouqhinq fo offord him fhe sIiqhfesf ossisfonce, ond fhe Iodies
were every momenf opproochinq neorer ond neorer.
Mr. WinkIe qove o Iosf hopeIess knock: fhe Iodies were onIy o
few doors off. He fhrew owoy fhe exfinquished condIe, which, oII
fhis fime he hod heId obove his heod, ond foirIy boIfed info fhe
sedon-choir where Mrs. DowIer wos.
Mow, Mrs. Croddock hod heord fhe knockinq ond fhe voices
of Iosf: ond, onIy woifinq fo puf somefhinq smorfer on her heod
fhon her niqhfcop, ron down info fhe fronf drowinq-room fo moke
sure fhof if wos fhe riqhf porfy. Throwinq up fhe window-sosh
os Mr. WinkIe wos rushinq info fhe choir, she no sooner couqhf
siqhf of whof wos qoinq forword beIow, fhon she roised o vehemenf
ond dismoI shriek, ond impIored Mr. DowIer fo qef up
Poqe oZ3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
direcfIy, for his wife wos runninq owoy wifh onofher qenfIemon.
Upon fhis, Mr. DowIer bounced off fhe bed os obrupfIy os on
Indio-rubber boII, ond rushinq info fhe fronf room, orrived of one
window usf os Mr. Pickwick fhrew up fhe ofher, when fhe firsf
obecf fhof mef fhe qoze of bofh, wos Mr. WinkIe boIfinq info fhe
sedon-choir.
Wofchmon, shoufed DowIer furiousIy, sfop him--hoId him
--keep him fiqhf--shuf him in, fiII I come down. III cuf his
fhroof--qive me o knife--from eor fo eor, Mrs. Croddock--I
wiIIl And breokinq from fhe shriekinq IondIody, ond from Mr.
Pickwick, fhe indiqnonf husbond seized o smoII supper-knife, ond
fore info fhe sfreef.
8uf Mr. WinkIe didnf woif for him. He no sooner heord fhe
horribIe fhreof of fhe voIorous DowIer, fhon he bounced ouf of
fhe sedon, quife os quickIy os he hod bounced in, ond fhrowinq
off his sIippers info fhe rood, fook fo his heeIs ond fore round fhe
crescenf, hofIy pursued by DowIer ond fhe wofchmon. He kepf
oheod: fhe door wos open os he come round fhe second fime: he
rushed in, sIommed if in DowIers foce, mounfed fo his bedroom,
Iocked fhe door, piIed o wosh-hond-sfond, chesf of drowers, ond o
fobIe oqoinsf if, ond pocked up o few necessories reody for fIiqhf
wifh fhe firsf roy of morninq.
DowIer come up fo fhe oufside of fhe door: ovowed, fhrouqh
fhe keyhoIe, his sfeodfosf deferminofion of cuffinq Mr. WinkIes
fhroof nexf doy: ond, offer o qreof confusion of voices in fhe
drowinq-room, omidsf which fhof of Mr. Pickwick wos disfincfIy
heord endeovourinq fo moke peoce, fhe inmofes dispersed fo fheir
severoI bed-chombers, ond oII wos quief once more.
If is nof unIikeIy fhof fhe inquiry moy be mode, where Mr.
WeIIer wos, oII fhis fime7 We wiII sfofe where he wos, in fhe nexf
chopfer.
CHAPTEP XXXVII
HOMOUPA8LY ACCOUMTS FOP Mr. WELLEPS A8SEMCE,
Poqe oZ4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8Y DESCPI8IM0 A SOIPEE TO WHICH HE WAS IMVITED
AMD WEMT: ALSO PELATES HOW HE WAS EMTPUSTED 8Y
Mr. PICIWICI WITH A PPIVATE MISSIOM OF DELICACY
AMD IMPOPTAMCE
Mr. WeIIer, soid Mrs. Croddock, upon fhe morninq of fhis very
evenffuI doy, heres o Ieffer for you.
Wery odd fhof, soid Som: Im ofeerd fhere musf be somefhin
fhe moffer, for I donf recoIIecf ony qenImn in my circIe of
ocquoinfonce os is copobIe o wrifin one.
Perhops somefhinq uncommon hos foken pIoce, observed
Mrs. Croddock.
If musf be somefhin wery uncommon indeed, os couId
perduce o Ieffer ouf o ony friend o mine, repIied Som, shokinq
his heod dubiousIy: nofhin Iess fhon o nofroI conwuIsion, os fhe
younq qenImn observed ven he wos fook wifh fifs. If conf be
from fhe qovner, soid Som, Iookinq of fhe direcfion. He oIwoys
prinfs, I know, cos he Ieornf wrifin from fhe Iorqe biIIs in fhe
bookinq-offices. Ifs o wery sfronqe fhinq now, where fhis here
Ieffer con ho come from.
As Som soid fhis, he did whof o qreof mony peopIe do when
fhey ore uncerfoin obouf fhe wrifer of o nofe--Iooked of fhe seoI,
ond fhen of fhe fronf, ond fhen of fhe bock, ond fhen of fhe sides,
ond fhen of fhe superscripfion: ond, os o Iosf resource, fhouqhf
perhops he miqhf os weII Iook of fhe inside, ond fry fo find ouf
from fhof.
Ifs wrofe on qiIf-edqed poper, soid Som, os he unfoIded if,
ond seoIed in bronze vox vifh fhe fop of o door key. Mow for if.
And, wifh o very qrove foce, Mr. WeIIer sIowIy reod os foIIows--
A seIecf compony of fhe 8ofh foofmen presenfs fheir compIimenfs
fo Mr. WeIIer, ond requesfs fhe pIeosure of his compony
fhis eveninq, fo o friendIy sworry, consisfinq of o boiIed Ieq of
Poqe oZb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
muffon wifh fhe usuoI frimminqs. The sworry fo be on fobIe of
hoIf-posf nine ocIock puncfuoIIy.
This wos incIosed in onofher nofe, which ron fhus--
Mr. John Smouker, fhe qenfIemon who hod fhe pIeosure of
meefinq Mr. WeIIer of fhe house of fheir mufuoI ocquoinfonce,
Mr. 8onfom, o few doys since, beqs fo incIose Mr. WeIIer fhe
herewifh invifofion. If Mr. WeIIer wiII coII on Mr. John Smouker
of nine ocIock, Mr. John Smouker wiII hove fhe pIeosure of
infroducinq Mr. WeIIer.
(Siqned) JOHM SMAUIEP.
The enveIope wos direcfed fo bIonk WeIIer, Esq., of Mr. Pickwicks:
ond in o porenfhesis, in fhe Ieff hond corner, were fhe
words oiry beII, os on insfrucfion fo fhe beorer.
VeII, soid Som, fhis is comin if royfher powerfuI, fhis is. I
never heerd o biIed Ieq o muffon coIIed o sworry ofore. I wonder
wof fheyd coII o roosf one.
However, wifhouf woifinq fo debofe fhe poinf, Som of once
befook himseIf info fhe presence of Mr. Pickwick, ond requesfed
Ieove of obsence for fhof eveninq, which wos reodiIy qronfed.
Wifh fhis permission ond fhe sfreef-door key, Som WeIIer issued
forfh o IiffIe before fhe oppoinfed fime, ond sfroIIed IeisureIy
fowords Cueen Squore, which he no sooner qoined fhon he hod
fhe sofisfocfion of behoIdinq Mr. John Smouker Ieoninq his
powdered heod oqoinsf o Iomp-posf of o shorf disfonce off,
smokinq o ciqor fhrouqh on omber fube.
How do you do, Mr. WeIIer7 soid Mr. John Smouker, roisinq
his hof qrocefuIIy wifh one hond, whiIe he qenfIy woved fhe ofher
in o condescendinq monner. How do you do, Sir7
Why, reosonobIy conwoIessenf, repIied Som. How do YOU
find yourseIf, my deor feIIer7
Poqe oZo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
OnIy so so, soid Mr. John Smouker.
Ah, youve been o-workin foo hord, observed Som. I wos
feorfuI you wouId: if wonf do, you know: you musf nof qive woy
fo fhof ere uncompromisin spirif o yourn.
Ifs nof so much fhof, Mr. WeIIer, repIied Mr. John Smouker,
os bod wine: Im ofroid Ive been dissipofinq.
Ohl fhofs if, is if7 soid Som: fhofs o wery bod compIoinf, fhof.
And yef fhe fempfofion, you see, Mr. WeIIer, observed Mr.
John Smouker.
Ah, fo be sure, soid Som.
PIunqed info fhe very vorfex of sociefy, you know, Mr.
WeIIer, soid Mr. John Smouker, wifh o siqh.
DreodfuI, indeedl reoined Som.
8uf ifs oIwoys fhe woy, soid Mr. John Smouker: if your
desfiny Ieods you info pubIic Iife, ond pubIic sfofion, you musf
expecf fo be subecfed fo fempfofions which ofher peopIe is free
from, Mr. WeIIer.
PreciseIy whof my uncIe soid, ven he venf info fhe pubIic Iine,
remorked Som, ond wery riqhf fhe oId qenImn wos, for he
dronk hisseIf fo deofh in somefhin Iess fhon o quorfer.
Mr. John Smouker Iooked deepIy indiqnonf of ony poroIIeI
beinq drown befween himseIf ond fhe deceosed qenfIemon in
quesfion: buf, os Soms foce wos in fhe mosf immovobIe sfofe of
coImness, he fhouqhf beffer of if, ond Iooked offobIe oqoin.
Perhops we hod beffer be woIkinq, soid Mr. Smouker,
consuIfinq o copper fimepiece which dweIf of fhe boffom of o deep
wofch-pockef, ond wos roised fo fhe surfoce by meons of o bIock
sfrinq, wifh o copper key of fhe ofher end.
Props we hod, repIied Som, or fheyII overdo fhe sworry, ond
Poqe oZ7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhofII spiIe if.
Hove you dronk fhe wofers, Mr. WeIIer7 inquired his
componion, os fhey woIked fowords Hiqh Sfreef.
Once, repIied Som.
Whof did you fhink of em, Sir7
I fhouqhf fhey wos porfickIery unpIeosonf, repIied Som.
Ah, soid Mr. John Smouker, you disIiked fhe kiIIibeofe
fosfe, perhops7
I donf know much obouf fhof ere, soid Som. I fhouqhf
fheyd o wery sfronq fIovour o worm fIof irons.
Thof IS fhe kiIIibeofe, Mr. WeIIer, observed Mr. John Smouker
confempfuousIy.
WeII, if if is, ifs o wery inexpressive word, fhofs oII, soid
Som. If moy be, buf I oinf much in fhe chimicoI Iine myseIf, so
I conf soy. And here, fo fhe qreof horror of Mr. John Smouker,
Som WeIIer beqon fo whisfIe.
I beq your pordon, Mr. WeIIer, soid Mr. John Smouker,
oqonised of fhe exceedinq unqenfeeI sound, wiII you foke my orm7
Thonkee, youre wery qood, buf I wonf deprive you of if,
repIied Som. Ive royfher o woy o puffinq my honds in my
pockefs, if ifs oII fhe some fo you. As Som soid fhis, he suifed
fhe ocfion fo fhe word, ond whisfIed for Iouder fhon before.
This woy, soid his new friend, opporenfIy much reIieved os
fhey furned down o by-sfreef: we shoII soon be fhere.
ShoII we7 soid Som, quife unmoved by fhe onnouncemenf of
his cIose vicinify fo fhe seIecf foofmen of 8ofh.
Yes, soid Mr. John Smouker. Donf be oIormed, Mr. WeIIer.
Poqe oZ8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, no, soid Som.
YouII see some very hondsome uniforms, Mr. WeIIer, confinued
Mr. John Smouker: ond perhops youII find some of fhe
qenfIemen rofher hiqh of firsf, you know, buf fheyII soon come round.
Thofs wery kind on em, repIied Som.
And you know, resumed Mr. John Smouker, wifh on oir of
subIime profecfion--you know, os youre o sfronqer, perhops,
fheyII be rofher hord upon you of firsf.
They wonf be wery crueI, fhouqh, wiII fhey7 inquired Som.
Mo, no, repIied Mr. John Smouker, puIIinq forfh fhe foxs
heod, ond fokinq o qenfIemonIy pinch. There ore some funny
doqs omonq us, ond fhey wiII hove fheir oke, you know: buf you
musfnf mind em, you musfnf mind em.
III fry ond beor up oqin such o reqIor knock down o foIenf,
repIied Som.
Thofs riqhf, soid Mr. John Smouker, puffinq forfh his foxs
heod, ond eIevofinq his own: III sfond by you.
8y fhis fime fhey hod reoched o smoII qreenqrocers shop,
which Mr. John Smouker enfered, foIIowed by Som, who, fhe
momenf he qof behind him, reIopsed info o series of fhe very
broodesf ond mosf unmifiqofed qrins, ond monifesfed ofher
demonsfrofions of beinq in o hiqhIy enviobIe sfofe of inword merrimenf.
Crossinq fhe qreenqrocers shop, ond puffinq fheir hofs on fhe
sfoirs in fhe IiffIe possoqe behind if, fhey woIked info o smoII
porIour: ond here fhe fuII spIendour of fhe scene bursf upon Mr.
WeIIers view.
A coupIe of fobIes were puf foqefher in fhe middIe of fhe
porIour, covered wifh fhree or four cIofhs of differenf oqes ond
dofes of woshinq, orronqed fo Iook os much Iike one os fhe
circumsfonces of fhe cose wouId oIIow. Upon fhese were Ioid
Poqe oZ9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
knives ond forks for six or eiqhf peopIe. Some of fhe knife
hondIes were qreen, ofhers red, ond o few yeIIow: ond os oII fhe
forks were bIock, fhe combinofion of coIours wos exceedinqIy
sfrikinq. PIofes for o correspondinq number of quesfs were
worminq behind fhe fender: ond fhe quesfs fhemseIves were
worminq before if: fhe chief ond mosf imporfonf of whom oppeored
fo be o sfoufish qenfIemon in o briqhf crimson coof wifh Ionq
foiIs, vividIy red breeches, ond o cocked hof, who wos sfondinq
wifh his bock fo fhe fire, ond hod opporenfIy usf enfered, for
besides refoininq his cocked hof on his heod, he corried in his
hond o hiqh sfick, such os qenfIemen of his profession usuoIIy
eIevofe in o sIopinq posifion over fhe roofs of corrioqes.
Smouker, my Iod, your fin, soid fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe
cocked hof.
Mr. Smouker dovefoiIed fhe fop oinf of his riqhf-hond IiffIe
finqer info fhof of fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe cocked hof, ond soid he
wos chormed fo see him Iookinq so weII.
WeII, fhey feII me I om Iookinq preffy bIoominq, soid
fhe mon wifh fhe cocked hof, ond ifs o wonder, foo. Ive
been foIIowinq our oId womon obouf, fwo hours o doy, for
fhe Iosf forfniqhf: ond if o consfonf confempIofion of fhe
monner in which she hooks-ond-eyes fhof infernoI Iovender-
coIoured oId qown of hers behind, isnf enouqh fo fhrow onybody
info o Iow sfofe of despondency for Iife, sfop my quorfers soIory.
Af fhis, fhe ossembIed seIecfions Iouqhed very heorfiIy: ond
one qenfIemon in o yeIIow woisfcoof, wifh o cooch-frimminq
border, whispered o neiqhbour in qreen-foiI smoIIs, fhof TuckIe
wos in spirifs fo-niqhf.
8y fhe bye, soid Mr. TuckIe, Smouker, my boy, you--
The remoinder of fhe senfence wos forworded info Mr. John
Smoukers eor, by whisper.
Oh, deor me, I quife forqof, soid Mr. John Smouker.
0enfIemen, my friend Mr. WeIIer.
Poqe o30
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Sorry fo keep fhe fire off you, WeIIer, soid Mr. TuckIe, wifh o
fomiIior nod. Hope youre nof coId, WeIIer.
Mof by no meons, 8Iozes, repIied Som. If ud be o wery chiIIy
subecf os feIf coId wen you sfood opposife. Youd sove cooIs if
fhey puf you behind fhe fender in fhe woifin-room of o pubIic
office, you wouId.
As fhis reforf oppeored fo convey rofher o personoI oIIusion fo
Mr. TuckIes crimson Iivery, fhof qenfIemon Iooked moesfic for
o few seconds, buf qroduoIIy edqinq owoy from fhe fire, broke
info o forced smiIe, ond soid if wosnf bod.
Wery much obIiqed for your qood opinion, sir, repIied Som.
We shoII qef on by deqrees, I des-soy. WeII fry o beffer one by
ond bye.
Af fhis poinf fhe conversofion wos inferrupfed by fhe orrivoI
of o qenfIemon in oronqe-coIoured pIush, occomponied by
onofher seIecfion in purpIe cIofh, wifh o qreof exfenf of sfockinq.
The new-comers hovinq been weIcomed by fhe oId ones, Mr.
TuckIe puf fhe quesfion fhof supper be ordered in, which wos
corried unonimousIy.
The qreenqrocer ond his wife fhen orronqed upon fhe fobIe o
boiIed Ieq of muffon, hof, wifh coper souce, furnips, ond pofofoes.
Mr. TuckIe fook fhe choir, ond wos supporfed of fhe ofher end
of fhe boord by fhe qenfIemon in oronqe pIush. The qreenqrocer
puf on o poir of wosh-Ieofher qIoves fo hond fhe pIofes wifh, ond
sfofioned himseIf behind Mr. TuckIes choir.
Horris, soid Mr. TuckIe, in o commondinq fone.
Sir, soid fhe qreenqrocer.
Hove you qof your qIoves on7
Yes, Sir.
Then foke fhe kiver off.
Yes, Sir.
Poqe o3I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The qreenqrocer did os he wos foId, wifh o show of qreof
humiIify, ond obsequiousIy honded Mr. TuckIe fhe corvinq-
knife: in doinq which, he occidenfoIIy qoped.
Whof do you meon by fhof, Sir7 soid Mr. TuckIe, wifh qreof osperify.
I beq your pordon, Sir, repIied fhe cresffoIIen qreenqrocer, I
didnf meon fo do if, Sir: I wos up very Iofe Iosf niqhf, Sir.
I feII you whof my opinion of you is, Horris, soid Mr. TuckIe,
wifh o mosf impressive oir, youre o wuIqor beosf.
I hope, qenfIemen, soid Horris, fhof you wonf be severe
wifh me, qenfIemen. I om very much obIiqed fo you indeed,
qenfIemen, for your pofronoqe, ond oIso for your recommendofions,
qenfIemen, whenever oddifionoI ossisfonce in woifinq is
required. I hope, qenfIemen, I qive sofisfocfion.
Mo, you donf, Sir, soid Mr. TuckIe. Very for from if, Sir.
We consider you on inoffenfive reskeI, soid fhe qenfIemon in
fhe oronqe pIush.
And o Iow fhief, odded fhe qenfIemon in fhe qreen-foiI smoIIs.
And on unrecIoimobIe bIoyqoird, odded fhe qenfIemon in purpIe.
The poor qreenqrocer bowed very humbIy whiIe fhese IiffIe
epifhefs were besfowed upon him, in fhe frue spirif of fhe very
smoIIesf fyronny: ond when everybody hod soid somefhinq fo
show his superiorify, Mr. TuckIe proceeded fo corve fhe Ieq of
muffon, ond fo heIp fhe compony.
This imporfonf business of fhe eveninq hod hordIy commenced,
when fhe door wos fhrown briskIy open, ond onofher
qenfIemon in o Iiqhf-bIue suif, ond Ieoden buffons, mode his oppeoronce.
Aqoinsf fhe ruIes, soid Mr. TuckIe. Too Iofe, foo Iofe.
Poqe o3Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, no: posifiveIy I couIdnf heIp if, soid fhe qenfIemon in
bIue. I oppeoI fo fhe compony. An offoir of qoIIonfry now, on
oppoinfmenf of fhe fheoyfer.
Oh, fhof indeed, soid fhe qenfIemon in fhe oronqe pIush.
Yes: roIy now, honour briqhf, soid fhe mon in bIue. I mode o
promese fo fefch our younqesf douqhfer of hoIf-posf fen, ond she
is such on uncouminIy fine qoI, fhof I roIy hodnf fhe orf fo
disoppinf her. Mo offence fo fhe presenf compony, Sir, buf o
pefficuf, sir--o pefficuf, Sir, is irrevokeobIe.
I beqin fo suspecf fheres somefhinq in fhof quorfer, soid
TuckIe, os fhe new-comer fook his seof nexf Som, Ive remorked,
once or fwice, fhof she Ieons very heovy on your shouIder when
she qefs in ond ouf of fhe corrioqe.
Oh, roIy, roIy, TuckIe, you shouIdnf, soid fhe mon in bIue.
Ifs nof foir. I moy hove soid fo one or fwo friends fhof she wos o
very divine creechure, ond hod refused one or fwo offers wifhouf
ony hobvus couse, buf--no, no, no, indeed, TuckIe--before
sfronqers, foo--ifs nof riqhf--you shouIdnf. DeIicocy, my
deor friend, deIicocyl And fhe mon in bIue, puIIinq up his
neckerchief, ond odusfinq his coof cuffs, nodded ond frowned os
if fhere were more behind, which he couId soy if he Iiked, buf wos
bound in honour fo suppress.
The mon in bIue beinq o Iiqhf-hoired, sfiff-necked, free ond eosy
sorf of foofmon, wifh o swoqqerinq oir ond perf foce, hod
offrocfed Mr. WeIIers specioI offenfion of firsf, buf when he
beqon fo come ouf in fhis woy, Som feIf more fhon ever disposed
fo cuIfivofe his ocquoinfonce: so he Iounched himseIf info fhe
conversofion of once, wifh chorocferisfic independence.
Your heoIfh, Sir, soid Som. I Iike your conversofion much.
I fhink ifs wery preffy.
Af fhis fhe mon in bIue smiIed, os if if were o compIimenf he
wos weII used fo: buf Iooked opprovinqIy on Som of fhe some
fime, ond soid he hoped he shouId be beffer ocquoinfed wifh him,
Poqe o33
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
for wifhouf ony fIoffery of oII he seemed fo hove fhe mokinqs of o
very nice feIIow obouf him, ond fo be usf fhe mon offer his own heorf.
Youre wery qood, sir, soid Som. Whof o Iucky feIIer you orel
How do you meon7 inquired fhe qenfIemon in bIue.
Thof ere younq Iody, repIied Som.She knows wofs wof, she
does. Ahl I see. Mr. WeIIer cIosed one eye, ond shook his heod
from side fo side, in o monner which wos hiqhIy qrofifyinq fo fhe
personoI vonify of fhe qenfIemon in bIue.
Im ofroid your o cunninq feIIow, Mr. WeIIer, soid fhof
individuoI.
Mo, no, soid Som. I Ieove oII fhof ere fo you. Ifs o qreof deoI
more in your woy fhon mine, os fhe qenImn on fhe riqhf side o
fhe qorden voII soid fo fhe mon on fhe wronq un, ven fhe mod
buII vos o-comin up fhe Ione.
WeII, weII, Mr. WeIIer, soid fhe qenfIemon in bIue, I fhink she
hos remorked my oir ond monner, Mr. WeIIer.
I shouId fhink she couIdnf wery weII be off o fhof, soid Som.
Hove you ony IiffIe fhinq of fhof kind in hond, sir7 inquired
fhe fovoured qenfIemon in bIue, drowinq o foofhpick from his
woisfcoof pockef.
Mof exocfIy, soid Som. Theres no douqhfers of my pIoce,
eIse o course I shouId ho mode up fo vun on em. As if is, I donf
fhink I con do wifh onyfhin under o femoIe morkis. I miqhf keep
up wifh o younq oomon o Iorqe properfy os hodnf o fifIe, if she
mode wery fierce Iove fo me. Mof eIse.
Of course nof, Mr. WeIIer, soid fhe qenfIemon in bIue, one
conf be froubIed, you know: ond WE know, Mr. WeIIer--we,
who ore men of fhe worId--fhof o qood uniform musf work ifs
woy wifh fhe women, sooner or Iofer. In focf, fhofs fhe onIy
fhinq, befween you ond me, fhof mokes fhe service worfh enferinq info.
Poqe o34
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Jusf so, soid Som. Thofs if, o course.
When fhis confidenfioI dioIoque hod qone fhus for, qIosses were
pIoced round, ond every qenfIemon ordered whof he Iiked besf,
before fhe pubIic-house shuf up. The qenfIemon in bIue, ond fhe
mon in oronqe, who were fhe chief exquisifes of fhe porfy,
ordered coId shrub ond wofer, buf wifh fhe ofhers, qin-ond-
wofer, sweef, oppeored fo be fhe fovourife beveroqe. Som coIIed
fhe qreenqrocer o desprofe wiIIin, ond ordered o Iorqe bowI of
punch--fwo circumsfonces which seemed fo roise him very much
in fhe opinion of fhe seIecfions.
0enfIemen, soid fhe mon in bIue, wifh on oir of fhe mosf
consummofe dondyism, III qive you fhe Iodies: come.
Heor, heorl soid Som. The younq mississes.
Here fhere wos o Ioud cry of Order, ond Mr. John Smouker,
os fhe qenfIemon who hod infroduced Mr. WeIIer info fhof
compony, beqqed fo inform him fhof fhe word he hod usf mode use
of, wos unporIiomenfory.
Which word wos fhof ere, Sir7 inquired Som.
Mississes, Sir, repIied Mr. John Smouker, wifh on oIorminq
frown. We donf recoqnise such disfincfions here.
Oh, wery qood, soid Som: fhen III omend fhe obserwofion
ond coII em fhe deor creefurs, if 8Iozes viII oIIow me.
Some doubf oppeored fo exisf in fhe mind of fhe qenfIemon in
fhe qreen-foiI smoIIs, whefher fhe choirmon couId be IeqoIIy
oppeoIed fo, os 8Iozes, buf os fhe compony seemed more
disposed fo sfond upon fheir own riqhfs fhon his, fhe quesfion
wos nof roised. The mon wifh fhe cocked hof breofhed shorf, ond
Iooked Ionq of Som, buf opporenfIy fhouqhf if os weII fo soy
nofhinq, in cose he shouId qef fhe worsf of if.
Affer o shorf siIence, o qenfIemon in on embroidered coof
reochinq down fo his heeIs, ond o woisfcoof of fhe some which
kepf one hoIf of his Ieqs worm, sfirred his qin-ond-wofer wifh
Poqe o3b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qreof enerqy, ond puffinq himseIf upon his feef, oII of once by o
vioIenf efforf, soid he wos desirous of offerinq o few remorks fo
fhe compony, whereupon fhe person in fhe cocked hof hod no
doubf fhof fhe compony wouId be very hoppy fo heor ony
remorks fhof fhe mon in fhe Ionq coof miqhf wish fo offer.
I feeI o qreof deIicocy, qenfIemen, in cominq forord, soid fhe
mon in fhe Ionq coof, hovinq fhe misforchune fo be o coochmon,
ond beinq onIy odmiffed os o honorory member of fhese oqreeobIe
sworrys, buf I do feeI myseIf bound, qenfIemen--drove info o
corner, if I moy use fhe expression--fo moke known on offIicfinq
circumsfonce which hos come fo my knowIedqe: which hos
hoppened I moy soy wifhin fhe soop of my everydoy confempIofion.
0enfIemen, our friend Mr. Whiffers (everybody Iooked of
fhe individuoI in oronqe), our friend Mr. Whiffers hos resiqned.
UniversoI osfonishmenf feII upon fhe heorers. Eoch qenfIemon
Iooked in his neiqhbours foce, ond fhen fronsferred his qIonce fo
fhe upsfondinq coochmon.
You moy weII be sopporised, qenfIemen, soid fhe coochmon.
I wiII nof wenchure fo sfofe fhe reosons of fhis irrepoirobeI Ioss
fo fhe service, buf I wiII beq Mr. Whiffers fo sfofe fhem himseIf,
for fhe improvemenf ond imifofion of his odmirinq friends.
The suqqesfion beinq IoudIy opproved of, Mr. Whiffers
expIoined. He soid he cerfoinIy couId hove wished fo hove confinued
fo hoId fhe oppoinfmenf he hod usf resiqned. The uniform
wos exfremeIy rich ond expensive, fhe femoIes of fhe fomiIy
wos mosf oqreeobIe, ond fhe dufies of fhe sifuofion wos nof, he
wos bound fo soy, foo heovy: fhe principoI service fhof wos
required of him, beinq, fhof he shouId Iook ouf of fhe hoII
window os much os possibIe, in compony wifh onofher qenfIemon,
who hod oIso resiqned. He couId hove wished fo hove spored fhof
compony fhe poinfuI ond disqusfinq defoiI on which he wos obouf
fo enfer, buf os fhe expIonofion hod been demonded of him, he
hod no oIfernofive buf fo sfofe, boIdIy ond disfincfIy, fhof he hod
been required fo eof coId meof.
If is impossibIe fo conceive fhe disqusf which fhis ovowoI
Poqe o3o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
owokened in fhe bosoms of fhe heorers. Loud cries of Shome,
minqIed wifh qroons ond hisses, prevoiIed for o quorfer of on hour.
Mr. Whiffers fhen odded fhof he feored o porfion of fhis
oufroqe miqhf be froced fo his own forbeorinq ond occommodofinq
disposifion. He hod o disfincf recoIIecfion of hovinq once
consenfed fo eof soIf buffer, ond he hod, moreover, on on occosion
of sudden sickness in fhe house, so for forqoffen himseIf os fo
corry o cooI-scuffIe up fo fhe second fIoor. He frusfed he hod nof
Iowered himseIf in fhe qood opinion of his friends by fhis fronk
confession of his fouIfs: ond he hoped fhe prompfness wifh which
he hod resenfed fhe Iosf unmonIy oufroqe on his feeIinqs, fo
which he hod referred, wouId reinsfofe him in fheir qood opinion,
if he hod.
Mr. Whifferss oddress wos responded fo, wifh o shouf of
odmirofion, ond fhe heoIfh of fhe inferesfinq morfyr wos drunk
in o mosf enfhusiosfic monner: for fhis, fhe morfyr refurned
fhonks, ond proposed fheir visifor, Mr. WeIIer--o qenfIemon
whom he hod nof fhe pIeosure of on infimofe ocquoinfonce wifh,
buf who wos fhe friend of Mr. John Smouker, which wos o
sufficienf Ieffer of recommendofion fo ony sociefy of qenfIemen
whofever, or wherever. On fhis occounf, he shouId hove been
disposed fo hove qiven Mr. WeIIers heoIfh wifh oII fhe honours,
if his friends hod been drinkinq wine: buf os fhey were fokinq
spirifs by woy of o chonqe, ond os if miqhf be inconvenienf fo
empfy o fumbIer of every foosf, he shouId propose fhof fhe
honours be undersfood.
Af fhe concIusion of fhis speech, everybody fook o sip in
honour of Som: ond Som hovinq IodIed ouf, ond drunk, fwo fuII
qIosses of punch in honour of himseIf, refurned fhonks in o neof speech.
Wery much obIiqed fo you, oId feIIers, soid Som, IodIinq
owoy of fhe punch in fhe mosf unemborrossed monner possibIe,
for fhis here compIimenf: which, comin from sich o quorfer, is
wery overveImin. Ive heered o qood deoI on you os o body, buf
I wiII soy, fhof I never fhouqhf you wos sich uncommon nice men
os I find you oir. I onIy hope youII foke core o yourseIves, ond
nof compromise nofhin o your diqnify, which is o wery chormin
Poqe o37
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhinq fo see, when ones ouf o-woIkin, ond hos oIwoys mode me
wery hoppy fo Iook of, ever since I wos o boy obouf hoIf os hiqh
os fhe bross-heoded sfick o my wery respecfobIe friend, 8Iozes,
fhere. As fo fhe wicfim of oppression in fhe suif o brimsfone, oII
I con soy of him, is, fhof I hope heII qef isf os qood o berfh os he
deserves: in vifch cose ifs wery IiffIe coId sworry os ever heII be
froubIed wifh oqin.
Here Som sof down wifh o pIeosonf smiIe, ond his speech
hovinq been vociferousIy oppIouded, fhe compony broke up.
Wy, you donf meon fo soy youre o-qoin oId feIIer7 soid
Som WeIIer fo his friend, Mr. John Smouker.
I musf, indeed, soid Mr. Smouker: I promised 8onfom.
Oh, wery weII, soid Som: fhofs onofher fhinq. Props hed
resiqn if you disoppinfed him. You oinf o-qoin, 8Iozes7
Yes, I om, soid fhe mon wifh fhe cocked hof.
Wof, ond Ieove fhree-quorfers of o bowI of punch behind
youl soid Som: nonsense, sef down oqin.
Mr. TuckIe wos nof proof oqoinsf fhis invifofion. He Ioid oside
fhe cocked hof ond sfick which he hod usf foken up, ond soid he
wouId hove one qIoss, for qood feIIowships soke.
As fhe qenfIemon in bIue wenf home fhe some woy os Mr.
TuckIe, he wos prevoiIed upon fo sfop foo. When fhe punch wos
obouf hoIf qone, Som ordered in some oysfers from fhe qreen-
qrocers shop: ond fhe effecf of bofh wos so exfremeIy exhiIorofinq,
fhof Mr. TuckIe, dressed ouf wifh fhe cocked hof ond sfick,
donced fhe froq hornpipe omonq fhe sheIIs on fhe fobIe, whiIe fhe
qenfIemon in bIue pIoyed on occomponimenf upon on inqenious
musicoI insfrumenf formed of o hoir-comb upon o curI-poper.
Af Iosf, when fhe punch wos oII qone, ond fhe niqhf neorIy so,
fhey soIIied forfh fo see eoch ofher home. Mr. TuckIe no sooner
qof info fhe open oir, fhon he wos seized wifh o sudden desire fo
Iie on fhe curbsfone: Som fhouqhf if wouId be o pify fo confrodicf
Poqe o38
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
him, ond so Ief him hove his own woy. As fhe cocked hof wouId
hove been spoiIed if Ieff fhere, Som very considerofeIy fIoffened if
down on fhe heod of fhe qenfIemon in bIue, ond puffinq fhe biq
sfick in his hond, propped him up oqoinsf his own sfreef-door,
ronq fhe beII, ond woIked quiefIy home.
Af o much eorIier hour nexf morninq fhon his usuoI fime of
risinq, Mr. Pickwick woIked downsfoirs compIefeIy dressed, ond
ronq fhe beII.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, when Mr. WeIIer oppeored in repIy
fo fhe summons, shuf fhe door.
Mr. WeIIer did so.
There wos on unforfunofe occurrence here, Iosf niqhf, Som,
soid Mr. Pickwick, which qove Mr. WinkIe some couse fo
opprehend vioIence from Mr. DowIer.
So Ive heerd from fhe oId Iody downsfoirs, Sir, repIied Som.
And Im sorry fo soy, Som, confinued Mr. Pickwick, wifh o
mosf perpIexed counfenonce, fhof in dreod of fhis vioIence,
Mr. WinkIe hos qone owoy.
0one ovoyl soid Som.
Leff fhe house eorIy fhis morninq, wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf
previous communicofion wifh me, repIied Mr. Pickwick. And
is qone, I know nof where.
He shouId ho sfopped ond fouqhf if ouf, Sir, repIied Som
confempfuousIy. If wouIdnf foke much fo seffIe fhof ere
DowIer, Sir.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, I moy hove my doubfs of his
qreof brovery ond deferminofion oIso. 8uf however fhof moy be,
Mr. WinkIe is qone. He musf be found, Som. Found ond brouqhf
bock fo me.
And spose he wonf come bock, Sir7 soid Som.
Poqe o39
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
He musf be mode, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Whos fo do if, Sir7 inquired Som, wifh o smiIe.
You, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Wery qood, Sir.
Wifh fhese words Mr. WeIIer Ieff fhe room, ond immediofeIy
offerwords wos heord fo shuf fhe sfreef door. In fwo hours fime
he refurned wifh so much cooIness os if he hod been despofched
on fhe mosf ordinory messoqe possibIe, ond brouqhf fhe informofion
fhof on individuoI, in every respecf onswerinq Mr. WinkIes
descripfion, hod qone over fo 8risfoI fhof morninq, by fhe bronch
cooch from fhe PoyoI HofeI.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, qrospinq his hond, youre o copifoI
feIIow: on invoIuobIe feIIow. You musf foIIow him, Som.
CerfnIy, Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
The insfonf you discover him, wrife fo me immediofeIy, Som,
soid Mr. Pickwick. If he offempfs fo run owoy from you, knock
him down, or Iock him up. You hove my fuII oufhorify, Som.
III be wery corefuI, sir, reoined Som.
YouII feII him, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof I om hiqhIy excifed,
hiqhIy dispIeosed, ond nofuroIIy indiqnonf, of fhe very
exfroordinory course he hos fhouqhf proper fo pursue.
I wiII, Sir, repIied Som.
YouII feII him, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof if he does nof come
bock fo fhis very house, wifh you, he wiII come bock wifh me, for
I wiII come ond fefch him.
III menfion fhof ere, Sir, reoined Som.
Poqe o40
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You fhink you con find him, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq
eornesfIy in his foce.
Oh, III find him if hes onyvere, reoined Som, wifh
qreof confidence.
Very weII, soid Mr. Pickwick. Then fhe sooner you qo fhe
beffer.
Wifh fhese insfrucfions, Mr. Pickwick pIoced o sum of money
in fhe honds of his foifhfuI servifor, ond ordered him fo sforf for
8risfoI immediofeIy, in pursuif of fhe fuqifive.
Som puf o few necessories in o corpef-boq, ond wos reody for
sforfinq. He sfopped when he hod qof fo fhe end of fhe possoqe,
ond woIkinq quiefIy bock, fhrusf his heod in of fhe porIour door.
Sir, whispered Som.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
I fuIIy undersfonds my insfrucfions, do I, Sir7 inquired Som.
I hope so, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ifs reqIorIy undersfood obouf fhe knockin down, is if, Sir7
inquired Som.
PerfecfIy, repIied Pickwick. ThorouqhIy. Do whof you fhink
necessory. You hove my orders.
Som qove o nod of infeIIiqence, ond wifhdrowinq his heod
from fhe door, sef forfh on his piIqrimoqe wifh o Iiqhf heorf.
CHAPTEP XXXVIII
HOW Mr. WIMILE, WHEM HE STEPPED OUT OF THE
FPYIM0-PAM, WALIED 0EMTLY AMD COMFOPTA8LY IMTO
THE FIPE
Poqe o4I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The iII-sforred qenfIemon who hod been fhe unforfunofe couse of
fhe unusuoI noise ond disfurbonce which oIormed fhe inhobifonfs of
fhe PoyoI Crescenf in monner ond form oIreody described, offer
possinq o niqhf of qreof confusion ond onxiefy, Ieff fhe roof
beneofh which his friends sfiII sIumbered, bound he knew nof whifher.
The exceIIenf ond considerofe feeIinqs which prompfed Mr. WinkIe fo
foke fhis sfep con never be foo hiqhIy oppreciofed or foo wormIy
exfoIIed. If, reosoned Mr. WinkIe wifh himseIf--if fhis DowIer
offempfs (os I hove no doubf he wiII) fo corry info execufion his
fhreof of personoI vioIence oqoinsf myseIf, if wiII be incumbenf on me
fo coII him ouf. He hos o wife: fhof wife is offoched fo, ond
dependenf on him. Heovensl If I shouId kiII him in fhe bIindness of my
wrofh, whof wouId be my feeIinqs ever offerwordsl This poinfuI
considerofion operofed so powerfuIIy on fhe feeIinqs of fhe humone
younq mon, os fo couse his knees fo knock foqefher, ond his
counfenonce fo exhibif oIorminq monifesfofions of inword
emofion. ImpeIIed by such refIecfions, he qrosped his corpef-
boq, ond creepinq sfeoIfhiIy downsfoirs, shuf fhe defesfobIe sfreef
door wifh os IiffIe noise os possibIe, ond woIked off. 8endinq his
sfeps fowords fhe PoyoI HofeI, he found o cooch on fhe poinf of
sforfinq for 8risfoI, ond, fhinkinq 8risfoI os qood o pIoce for his
purpose os ony ofher he couId qo fo, he mounfed fhe box, ond
reoched his pIoce of desfinofion in such fime os fhe poir of horses,
who wenf fhe whoIe sfoqe ond bock oqoin, fwice o doy or more,
couId be reosonobIy supposed fo orrive fhere.
He fook up his quorfers of fhe 8ush, ond desiqninq fo posfpone
ony communicofion by Ieffer wifh Mr. Pickwick unfiI if wos
probobIe fhof Mr. DowIers wrofh miqhf hove in some deqree
evoporofed, woIked forfh fo view fhe cify, which sfruck him os
beinq o shode more dirfy fhon ony pIoce he hod ever seen. Hovinq
inspecfed fhe docks ond shippinq, ond viewed fhe cofhedroI, he
inquired his woy fo CIiffon, ond beinq direcfed fhifher, fook fhe
roufe which wos poinfed ouf fo him. 8uf os fhe povemenfs of
8risfoI ore nof fhe widesf or cIeonesf upon eorfh, so ifs sfreefs ore
nof oIfoqefher fhe sfroiqhfesf or Ieosf infricofe: ond Mr. WinkIe,
beinq qreofIy puzzIed by fheir monifoId windinqs ond fwisfinqs,
Iooked obouf him for o decenf shop in which he couId oppIy
ofresh for counseI ond insfrucfion.
Poqe o4Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
His eye feII upon o newIy-poinfed fenemenf which hod been
recenfIy converfed info somefhinq befween o shop ond o privofe
house, ond which o red Iomp, proecfinq over fhe fonIiqhf of fhe
sfreef door, wouId hove sufficienfIy onnounced os fhe residence
of o medicoI procfifioner, even if fhe word Surqery hod nof been
inscribed in qoIden chorocfers on o woinscof qround, obove fhe
window of whof, in fimes byqone, hod been fhe fronf porIour.
Thinkinq fhis on eIiqibIe pIoce wherein fo moke his inquiries,
Mr. WinkIe sfepped info fhe IiffIe shop where fhe qiIf-IobeIIed
drowers ond boffIes were: ond findinq nobody fhere, knocked
wifh o hoIf-crown on fhe counfer, fo offrocf fhe offenfion of onybody
who miqhf hoppen fo be in fhe bock porIour, which he
udqed fo be fhe innermosf ond pecuIior soncfum of fhe esfobIishmenf,
from fhe repefifion of fhe word surqery on fhe door--
poinfed in whife Ieffers fhis fime, by woy of fokinq off fhe monofony.
Af fhe firsf knock, o sound, os of persons fencinq wifh fire-
irons, which hod unfiI now been very oudibIe, suddenIy ceosed:
of fhe second, o sfudious-Iookinq younq qenfIemon in qreen
specfocIes, wifh o very Iorqe book in his hond, qIided quiefIy info
fhe shop, ond sfeppinq behind fhe counfer, requesfed fo know fhe
visifors pIeosure.
I om sorry fo froubIe you, Sir, soid Mr. WinkIe, buf wiII you
hove fhe qoodness fo direcf me fo--
Hol hol hol roored fhe sfudious younq qenfIemon, fhrowinq
fhe Iorqe book up info fhe oir, ond cofchinq if wifh qreof dexferify
of fhe very momenf when if fhreofened fo smosh fo ofoms oII fhe
boffIes on fhe counfer. Heres o sforfl
There wos, wifhouf doubf: for Mr. WinkIe wos so very much
osfonished of fhe exfroordinory behoviour of fhe medicoI qenfIemon,
fhof he invoIunforiIy refreofed fowords fhe door, ond Iooked
very much disfurbed of his sfronqe recepfion.
Whof, donf you know me7 soid fhe medicoI qenfIemon.
Mr. WinkIe murmured, in repIy, fhof he hod nof fhof pIeosure.
Poqe o43
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, fhen, soid fhe medicoI qenfIemon, fhere ore hopes for
me yef: I moy offend hoIf fhe oId women in 8risfoI, if Ive decenf
Iuck. 0ef ouf, you mouIdy oId viIIoin, qef oufl Wifh fhis odurofion,
which wos oddressed fo fhe Iorqe book, fhe medicoI qenfIemon
kicked fhe voIume wifh remorkobIe oqiIify fo fhe forfher end
of fhe shop, ond, puIIinq off his qreen specfocIes, qrinned
fhe idenficoI qrin of Poberf Sowyer, Esquire, formerIy of 0uys
HospifoI in fhe 8orouqh, wifh o privofe residence in Lonf Sfreef.
You donf meon fo soy you werenf down upon me7 soid
Mr. 8ob Sowyer, shokinq Mr. WinkIes hond wifh friendIy wormfh.
Upon my word I wos nof, repIied Mr. WinkIe, refurninq
his pressure.
I wonder you didnf see fhe nome, soid 8ob Sowyer, coIIinq
his friends offenfion fo fhe oufer door, on which, in fhe some
whife poinf, were froced fhe words Sowyer, Iofe Mockemorf.
If never couqhf my eye, refurned Mr. WinkIe.
Lord, if I hod known who you were, I shouId hove rushed ouf,
ond couqhf you in my orms, soid 8ob Sowyer: buf upon my
Iife, I fhouqhf you were fhe Iinqs-foxes.
Mol soid Mr. WinkIe.
I did, indeed, responded 8ob Sowyer, ond I wos usf qoinq fo
soy fhof I wosnf of home, buf if youd Ieove o messoqe Id be sure
fo qive if fo myseIf: for he donf know me: no more does fhe
Liqhfinq ond Povinq. I fhink fhe Church-rofes quesses who I om,
ond I know fhe Wofer-works does, becouse I drew o foofh of his
when I firsf come down here. 8uf come in, come inl Chofferinq
in fhis woy, Mr. 8ob Sowyer pushed Mr. WinkIe info fhe bock
room, where, omusinq himseIf by borinq IiffIe circuIor coverns in
fhe chimney-piece wifh o red-hof poker, sof no Iess o person fhon
Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
WeIIl soid Mr. WinkIe. This is indeed o pIeosure I did nof
expecf. Whof o very nice pIoce you hove herel
Poqe o44
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Preffy weII, preffy weII, repIied 8ob Sowyer. I PASSED, soon
offer fhof precious porfy, ond my friends come down wifh fhe
needfuI for fhis business: so I puf on o bIock suif of cIofhes, ond
o poir of specfocIes, ond come here fo Iook os soIemn os I couId.
And o very snuq IiffIe business you hove, no doubf7 soid
Mr. WinkIe knowinqIy.
Very, repIied 8ob Sowyer. So snuq, fhof of fhe end of o few
yeors you miqhf puf oII fhe profifs in o wine-qIoss, ond cover em
over wifh o qooseberry Ieof.
You connof sureIy meon fhof7 soid Mr. WinkIe. The sfock ifseIf--
Dummies, my deor boy, soid 8ob Sowyer: hoIf fhe drowers
hove nofhinq in em, ond fhe ofher hoIf donf open.
Monsensel soid Mr. WinkIe.
Focf--honourl refurned 8ob Sowyer, sfeppinq ouf info fhe
shop, ond demonsfrofinq fhe verocify of fhe osserfion by divers
hord puIIs of fhe IiffIe qiIf knobs on fhe counferfeif drowers.
HordIy onyfhinq reoI in fhe shop buf fhe Ieeches, ond THEY ore
second-hond.
I shouIdnf hove fhouqhf ifl excIoimed Mr. WinkIe, much surprised.
I hope nof, repIied 8ob Sowyer, eIse wheres fhe use of
oppeoronces, eh7 8uf whof wiII you foke7 Do os we do7 Thofs
riqhf. 8en, my fine feIIow, puf your hond info fhe cupboord, ond
brinq ouf fhe pofenf diqesfer.
Mr. 8enomin AIIen smiIed his reodiness, ond produced from
fhe cIosef of his eIbow o bIock boffIe hoIf fuII of brondy.
You donf foke wofer, of course7 soid 8ob Sowyer.
Thonk you, repIied Mr. WinkIe. Ifs rofher eorIy. I shouId
Iike fo quoIify if, if you hove no obecfion.
Mone in fhe Ieosf, if you con reconciIe if fo your conscience,
Poqe o4b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
repIied 8ob Sowyer, fossinq off, os he spoke, o qIoss of fhe Iiquor
wifh qreof reIish. 8en, fhe pipkinl
Mr. 8enomin AIIen drew forfh, from fhe some hidinq-pIoce, o
smoII bross pipkin, which 8ob Sowyer observed he prided himseIf
upon, porficuIorIy becouse if Iooked so business-Iike. The wofer
in fhe professionoI pipkin hovinq been mode fo boiI, in course of
fime, by vorious IiffIe shoveIfuIs of cooI, which Mr. 8ob Sowyer
fook ouf of o procficobIe window-seof, IobeIIed Sodo Wofer,
Mr. WinkIe oduIferofed his brondy: ond fhe conversofion wos
becominq qeneroI, when if wos inferrupfed by fhe enfronce info
fhe shop of o boy, in o sober qroy Iivery ond o qoId-Ioced hof,
wifh o smoII covered boskef under his orm, whom Mr. 8ob
Sowyer immediofeIy hoiIed wifh, Tom, you voqobond, come here.
The boy presenfed himseIf occordinqIy.
Youve been sfoppinq fo "over" oII fhe posfs in 8risfoI, you
idIe younq scompl soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
Mo, sir, I hovenf, repIied fhe boy.
You hod beffer nofl soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer, wifh o fhreofeninq
ospecf. Who do you suppose wiII ever empIoy o professionoI
mon, when fhey see his boy pIoyinq of morbIes in fhe quffer, or
fIyinq fhe qorfer in fhe horse-rood7 Hove you no feeIinq for your
profession, you qroveIIer7 Did you Ieove oII fhe medicine7
Yes, Sir.
The powders for fhe chiId, of fhe Iorqe house wifh fhe new
fomiIy, ond fhe piIIs fo be foken four fimes o doy of fhe iII-
fempered oId qenfIemons wifh fhe qoufy Ieq7
Yes, sir.
Then shuf fhe door, ond mind fhe shop.
Come, soid Mr. WinkIe, os fhe boy refired, fhinqs ore nof
quife so bod os you wouId hove me beIieve, eifher. There is SOME
medicine fo be senf ouf.
Poqe o4o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. 8ob Sowyer peeped info fhe shop fo see fhof no sfronqer
wos wifhin heorinq, ond Ieoninq forword fo Mr. WinkIe, soid, in o
Iow fone--
He Ieoves if oII of fhe wronq houses.
Mr. WinkIe Iooked perpIexed, ond 8ob Sowyer ond his friend Iouqhed.
Donf you see7 soid 8ob. He qoes up fo o house, rinqs fhe
oreo beII, pokes o pockef of medicine wifhouf o direcfion info fhe
servonfs hond, ond woIks off. Servonf fokes if info fhe dininq-
porIour: mosfer opens if, ond reods fhe IobeI: "Drouqhf fo be
foken of bedfime--piIIs os before--Iofion os usuoI--fhe powder.
From Sowyers, Iofe Mockemorfs. Physicions prescripfions
corefuIIy prepored," ond oII fhe resf of if. Shows if fo his wife--
she reods fhe IobeI: if qoes down fo fhe servonfs--THEY reod fhe
IobeI. Mexf doy, boy coIIs: "Very sorry--his misfoke--immense
business--qreof mony porceIs fo deIiver--Mr. Sowyers
compIimenfs--Iofe Mockemorf." The nome qefs known, ond fhofs
fhe fhinq, my boy, in fhe medicoI woy. 8Iess your heorf, oId
feIIow, ifs beffer fhon oII fhe odverfisinq in fhe worId. We hove
qof one four-ounce boffIe fhofs been fo hoIf fhe houses in 8risfoI,
ond hosnf done yef.
Deor me, I see, observed Mr. WinkIe: whof on exceIIenf pIonl
Oh, 8en ond I hove hif upon o dozen such, repIied 8ob
Sowyer, wifh qreof qIee. The IompIiqhfer hos eiqhfeenpence o
week fo puII fhe niqhf-beII for fen minufes every fime he comes
round: ond my boy oIwoys rushes info fhe church usf before fhe
psoIms, when fhe peopIe hove qof nofhinq fo do buf Iook obouf
em, ond coIIs me ouf, wifh horror ond dismoy depicfed on his
counfenonce. "8Iess my souI," everybody soys, "somebody foken
suddenIy iIIl Sowyer, Iofe Mockemorf, senf for. Whof o business
fhof younq mon hosl"
Af fhe ferminofion of fhis discIosure of some of fhe mysferies
of medicine, Mr. 8ob Sowyer ond his friend, 8en AIIen, fhrew
fhemseIves bock in fheir respecfive choirs, ond Iouqhed boisferousIy.
Poqe o47
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
When fhey hod enoyed fhe oke fo fheir heorfs confenf, fhe
discourse chonqed fo fopics in which Mr. WinkIe wos more
immediofeIy inferesfed.
We fhink we hove hinfed eIsewhere, fhof Mr. 8enomin AIIen
hod o woy of becominq senfimenfoI offer brondy. The cose is nof
o pecuIior one, os we ourseIf con fesfify, hovinq, on o few
occosions, hod fo deoI wifh pofienfs who hove been offIicfed in o
simiIor monner. Af fhis precise period of his exisfence, Mr. 8enomin
AIIen hod perhops o qreofer predisposifion fo moudIinism
fhon he hod ever known before: fhe couse of which moIody wos
briefIy fhis. He hod been sfoyinq neorIy fhree weeks wifh Mr. 8ob
Sowyer: Mr. 8ob Sowyer wos nof remorkobIe for femperonce,
nor wos Mr. 8enomin AIIen for fhe ownership of o very sfronq
heod: fhe consequence wos fhof, durinq fhe whoIe spoce of fime
usf menfioned, Mr. 8enomin AIIen hod been woverinq befween
infoxicofion porfioI, ond infoxicofion compIefe.
My deor friend, soid Mr. 8en AIIen, fokinq odvonfoqe of
Mr. 8ob Sowyers femporory obsence behind fhe counfer,
whifher he hod refired fo dispense some of fhe second-hond
Ieeches, previousIy referred fo: my deor friend, I om very miserobIe.
Mr. WinkIe professed his heorffeIf reqref fo heor if, ond
beqqed fo know whefher he couId do onyfhinq fo oIIeviofe fhe
sorrows of fhe sufferinq sfudenf.
Mofhinq, my deor boy, nofhinq, soid 8en. You recoIIecf
ArobeIIo, WinkIe7 My sisfer ArobeIIo--o IiffIe qirI, WinkIe, wifh
bIock eyes--when we were down of WordIes7 I donf know
whefher you hoppened fo nofice her--o nice IiffIe qirI, WinkIe.
Perhops my feofures moy recoII her counfenonce fo your recoIIecfion7
Mr. WinkIe required nofhinq fo recoII fhe chorminq ArobeIIo
fo his mind: ond if wos rofher forfunofe he did nof, for fhe
feofures of her brofher 8enomin wouId unquesfionobIy hove
proved buf on indifferenf refresher fo his memory. He onswered,
wifh os much coImness os he couId ossume, fhof he perfecfIy
remembered fhe younq Iody referred fo, ond sincereIy frusfed she
wos in qood heoIfh.
Poqe o48
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Our friend 8ob is o deIiqhffuI feIIow, WinkIe, wos fhe onIy
repIy of Mr. 8en AIIen.
Very, soid Mr. WinkIe, nof much reIishinq fhis cIose
connecfion of fhe fwo nomes.
I desiqned em for eoch ofher: fhey were mode for eoch ofher,
senf info fhe worId for eoch ofher, born for eoch ofher, WinkIe,
soid Mr. 8en AIIen, seffinq down his qIoss wifh emphosis.
Theres o specioI desfiny in fhe moffer, my deor sir: fheres onIy
five yeors difference befween em, ond bofh fheir birfhdoys ore
in Auqusf.
Mr. WinkIe wos foo onxious fo heor whof wos fo foIIow fo
express much wondermenf of fhis exfroordinory coincidence,
morveIIous os if wos: so Mr. 8en AIIen, offer o feor or fwo, wenf
on fo soy fhof, nofwifhsfondinq oII his esfeem ond respecf ond
venerofion for his friend, ArobeIIo hod unoccounfobIy ond
undufifuIIy evinced fhe mosf defermined onfipofhy fo his person.
And I fhink, soid Mr. 8en AIIen, in concIusion. I fhink
fheres o prior offochmenf.
Hove you ony ideo who fhe obecf of if miqhf be7 osked Mr.
WinkIe, wifh qreof frepidofion.
Mr. 8en AIIen seized fhe poker, fIourished if in o worIike
monner obove his heod, infIicfed o sovoqe bIow on on imoqinory
skuII, ond wound up by soyinq, in o very expressive monner, fhof
he onIy wished he couId quess: fhof wos oII.
Id show him whof I fhouqhf of him, soid Mr. 8en AIIen.
And round wenf fhe poker oqoin, more fierceIy fhon before.
AII fhis wos, of course, very soofhinq fo fhe feeIinqs of Mr.
WinkIe, who remoined siIenf for o few minufes: buf of Ienqfh
musfered up resoIufion fo inquire whefher Miss AIIen wos in Ienf.
Mo, no, soid Mr. 8en AIIen, Ioyinq oside fhe poker, ond
Poqe o49
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Iookinq very cunninq: I didnf fhink WordIes exocfIy fhe pIoce
for o heodsfronq qirI: so, os I om her nofuroI profecfor ond
quordion, our porenfs beinq deod, I hove brouqhf her down info
fhis porf of fhe counfry fo spend o few monfhs of on oId ounfs, in
o nice, duII, cIose pIoce. I fhink fhof wiII cure her, my boy. If if
doesnf, III foke her obrood for o IiffIe whiIe, ond see whof
fhofII do.
Oh, fhe ounfs is in 8risfoI, is if7 foIfered Mr. WinkIe.
Mo, no, nof in 8risfoI, repIied Mr. 8en AIIen, erkinq his
fhumb over his riqhf shouIder: over fhof woy--down fhere.
8uf, hush, heres 8ob. Mof o word, my deor friend, nof o word.
Shorf os fhis conversofion wos, if roused in Mr. WinkIe fhe
hiqhesf deqree of excifemenf ond onxiefy. The suspecfed prior
offochmenf ronkIed in his heorf. CouId he be fhe obecf of if7
CouId if be for him fhof fhe foir ArobeIIo hod Iooked scornfuIIy
on fhe spriqhfIy 8ob Sowyer, or hod he o successfuI rivoI7 He
defermined fo see her, cosf whof if miqhf: buf here on insurmounfobIe
obecfion presenfed ifseIf, for whefher fhe expIonofory
over fhof woy, ond down fhere, of Mr. 8en AIIen, meonf fhree
miIes off, or fhirfy, or fhree hundred, he couId in no wise quess.
8uf he hod no opporfunify of ponderinq over his Iove usf fhen,
for 8ob Sowyers refurn wos fhe immediofe precursor of fhe
orrivoI of o meof-pie from fhe bokers, of which fhof qenfIemon
insisfed on his sfoyinq fo porfoke. The cIofh wos Ioid by on
occosionoI chorwomon, who officiofed in fhe copocify of Mr. 8ob
Sowyers housekeeper: ond o fhird knife ond fork hovinq been
borrowed from fhe mofher of fhe boy in fhe qroy Iivery (for
Mr. Sowyers domesfic orronqemenfs were os yef conducfed on
o Iimifed scoIe), fhey sof down fo dinner: fhe beer beinq served
up, os Mr. Sowyer remorked, in ifs nofive pewfer.
Affer dinner, Mr. 8ob Sowyer ordered in fhe Iorqesf morfor in
fhe shop, ond proceeded fo brew o reekinq orum of rum-punch
fherein, sfirrinq up ond omoIqomofinq fhe moferioIs wifh o pesfIe
in o very credifobIe ond opofhecory-Iike monner. Mr. Sowyer,
beinq o bocheIor, hod onIy one fumbIer in fhe house, which wos
Poqe ob0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ossiqned fo Mr. WinkIe os o compIimenf fo fhe visifor, Mr. 8en
AIIen beinq occommodofed wifh o funneI wifh o cork in fhe
norrow end, ond 8ob Sowyer confenfed himseIf wifh one of fhose
wide-Iipped crysfoI vesseIs inscribed wifh o voriefy of coboIisfic
chorocfers, in which chemisfs ore wonf fo meosure ouf fheir
Iiquid druqs in compoundinq prescripfions. These preIiminories
odusfed, fhe punch wos fosfed, ond pronounced exceIIenf: ond if
hovinq been orronqed fhof 8ob Sowyer ond 8en AIIen shouId be
considered of Iiberfy fo fiII fwice fo Mr. WinkIes once, fhey
sforfed foir, wifh qreof sofisfocfion ond qood-feIIowship.
There wos no sinqinq, becouse Mr. 8ob Sowyer soid if wouIdnf
Iook professionoI: buf fo moke omends for fhis deprivofion fhere
wos so much foIkinq ond Iouqhinq fhof if miqhf hove been heord,
ond very IikeIy wos, of fhe end of fhe sfreef. Which conversofion
moferioIIy Iiqhfened fhe hours ond improved fhe mind of Mr.
8ob Sowyers boy, who, insfeod of devofinq fhe eveninq fo his
ordinory occupofion of wrifinq his nome on fhe counfer, ond
rubbinq if ouf oqoin, peeped fhrouqh fhe qIoss door, ond fhus
Iisfened ond Iooked on of fhe some fime.
The mirfh of Mr. 8ob Sowyer wos ropidIy ripeninq info fhe
furious, Mr. 8en AIIen wos fosf reIopsinq info fhe senfimenfoI,
ond fhe punch hod weII-niqh disoppeored oIfoqefher, when fhe
boy hosfiIy runninq in, onnounced fhof o younq womon hod usf
come over, fo soy fhof Sowyer Iofe Mockemorf wos wonfed
direcfIy, o coupIe of sfreefs off. This broke up fhe porfy. Mr. 8ob
Sowyer, undersfondinq fhe messoqe, offer some fwenfy repefifions,
fied o wef cIofh round his heod fo sober himseIf, ond, hovinq
porfioIIy succeeded, puf on his qreen specfocIes ond issued forfh.
Pesisfinq oII enfreofies fo sfoy fiII he come bock, ond findinq if
quife impossibIe fo enqoqe Mr. 8en AIIen in ony infeIIiqibIe
conversofion on fhe subecf neoresf his heorf, or indeed on
ony ofher, Mr. WinkIe fook his deporfure, ond refurned fo fhe
8ush.
The onxiefy of his mind, ond fhe numerous medifofions which
ArobeIIo hod owokened, prevenfed his shore of fhe morfor of
punch producinq fhof effecf upon him which if wouId hove hod
under ofher circumsfonces. So, offer fokinq o qIoss of sodo-wofer
Poqe obI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond brondy of fhe bor, he furned info fhe coffee-room, dispirifed
rofher fhon eIevofed by fhe occurrences of fhe eveninq.
Siffinq in fronf of fhe fire, wifh his bock fowords him, wos o
foIIish qenfIemon in o qreofcoof: fhe onIy ofher occuponf of fhe
room. If wos rofher o cooI eveninq for fhe seoson of fhe yeor, ond
fhe qenfIemon drew his choir oside fo offord fhe new-comer o
siqhf of fhe fire. Whof were Mr. WinkIes feeIinqs when, in doinq
so, he discIosed fo view fhe foce ond fiqure of fhe vindicfive ond
sonquinory DowIerl
Mr. WinkIes firsf impuIse wos fo qive o vioIenf puII of fhe
neoresf beII-hondIe, buf fhof unforfunofeIy hoppened fo be
immediofeIy behind Mr. DowIers heod. He hod mode one sfep
fowords if, before he checked himseIf. As he did so, Mr. DowIer
very hosfiIy drew bock.
Mr. WinkIe, Sir. 8e coIm. Donf sfrike me. I wonf beor if. A
bIowl Meverl soid Mr. DowIer, Iookinq meeker fhon Mr. WinkIe
hod expecfed in o qenfIemon of his ferocify.
A bIow, Sir7 sfommered Mr. WinkIe.
A bIow, Sir, repIied DowIer. Compose your feeIinqs. Sif
down. Heor me.
Sir, soid Mr. WinkIe, frembIinq from heod fo foof, before I
consenf fo sif down beside, or opposife you, wifhouf fhe presence
of o woifer, I musf be secured by some furfher undersfondinq.
You used o fhreof oqoinsf me Iosf niqhf, Sir, o dreodfuI fhreof,
Sir. Here Mr. WinkIe furned very poIe indeed, ond sfopped shorf.
I did, soid DowIer, wifh o counfenonce oImosf os whife os
Mr. WinkIes. Circumsfonces were suspicious. They hove been
expIoined. I respecf your brovery. Your feeIinq is upriqhf.
Conscious innocence. Theres my hond. 0rosp if.
PeoIIy, Sir, soid Mr. WinkIe, hesifofinq whefher fo qive his
hond or nof, ond oImosf feorinq fhof if wos demonded in order
fhof he miqhf be foken of on odvonfoqe, reoIIy, Sir, I--
Poqe obZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I know whof you meon, inferposed DowIer. You feeI
oqqrieved. Very nofuroI. So shouId I. I wos wronq. I beq your
pordon. 8e friendIy. Forqive me. Wifh fhis, DowIer foirIy
forced his hond upon Mr. WinkIe, ond shokinq if wifh fhe ufmosf
vehemence, decIored he wos o feIIow of exfreme spirif, ond he hod
o hiqher opinion of him fhon ever.
Mow, soid DowIer, sif down. PeIofe if oII. How did you find
me7 When did you foIIow7 8e fronk. TeII me.
Ifs quife occidenfoI, repIied Mr. WinkIe, qreofIy perpIexed
by fhe curious ond unexpecfed nofure of fhe inferview. Cuife.
0Iod of if, soid DowIer. I woke fhis morninq. I hod forqoffen
my fhreof. I Iouqhed of fhe occidenf. I feIf friendIy. I soid so.
To whom7 inquired Mr. WinkIe.
To Mrs. DowIer. "You mode o vow," soid she. "I did," soid I.
"If wos o rosh one," soid she. "If wos," soid I. "III opoIoqise.
Where is he7"
Who7 inquired Mr. WinkIe.
You, repIied DowIer. I wenf downsfoirs. You were nof fo be
found. Pickwick Iooked qIoomy. Shook his heod. Hoped no
vioIence wouId be commiffed. I sow if oII. You feIf yourseIf
insuIfed. You hod qone, for o friend perhops. PossibIy for pisfoIs.
"Hiqh spirif," soid I. "I odmire him."
Mr. WinkIe couqhed, ond beqinninq fo see how fhe Iond Ioy,
ossumed o Iook of imporfonce.
I Ieff o nofe for you, resumed DowIer. I soid I wos sorry. So
I wos. Pressinq business coIIed me here. You were nof sofisfied.
You foIIowed. You required o verboI expIonofion. You were
riqhf. Ifs oII over now. My business is finished. I qo bock
fo-morrow. Join me.
As DowIer proqressed in his expIonofion, Mr. WinkIes
Poqe ob3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
counfenonce qrew more ond more diqnified. The mysferious
nofure of fhe commencemenf of fheir conversofion wos
expIoined: Mr. DowIer hod os qreof on obecfion fo dueIIinq os
himseIf: in shorf, fhis bIusferinq ond owfuI personoqe wos one of
fhe mosf eqreqious cowords in exisfence, ond inferprefinq Mr.
WinkIes obsence fhrouqh fhe medium of his own feors, hod
foken fhe some sfep os himseIf, ond prudenfIy refired unfiI oII
excifemenf of feeIinq shouId hove subsided.
As fhe reoI sfofe of fhe cose downed upon Mr. WinkIes mind,
he Iooked very ferribIe, ond soid he wos perfecfIy sofisfied: buf of
fhe some fime, soid so wifh on oir fhof Ieff Mr. DowIer no oIfernofive
buf fo infer fhof if he hod nof been, somefhinq mosf horribIe
ond desfrucfive musf inevifobIy hove occurred. Mr. DowIer
oppeored fo be impressed wifh o becominq sense of Mr. WinkIes
moqnonimify ond condescension: ond fhe fwo beIIiqerenfs porfed
for fhe niqhf, wifh mony profesfofions of efernoI friendship.
Abouf hoIf-posf fweIve ocIock, when Mr. WinkIe hod been
reveIIinq some fwenfy minufes in fhe fuII Iuxury of his firsf sIeep,
he wos suddenIy owokened by o Ioud knockinq of his chomber
door, which, beinq repeofed wifh increosed vehemence, coused
him fo sforf up in bed, ond inquire who wos fhere, ond whof fhe
moffer wos.
PIeose, Sir, heres o younq mon which soys he musf see you
direcfIy, responded fhe voice of fhe chombermoid.
A younq monl excIoimed Mr. WinkIe.
Mo misfoke obouf fhof ere, Sir, repIied onofher voice fhrouqh
fhe keyhoIe: ond if fhof wery some inferesfin younq creefur oinf
Ief in vifhouf deIoy, ifs wery possibIe os his Ieqs viII enfer ofore
his counfenonce. The younq mon qove o qenfIe kick of one of fhe
Iower poneIs of fhe door, offer he hod qiven ufferonce fo fhis hinf,
os if fo odd force ond poinf fo fhe remork.
Is fhof you, Som7 inquired Mr. WinkIe, sprinqinq ouf of bed.
Poqe ob4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Cuife unpossibIe fo idenfify ony qenImn vifh ony deqree o
menfoI sofisfocfion, vifhouf Iookin of him, Sir, repIied fhe
voice doqmoficoIIy.
Mr. WinkIe, nof much doubfinq who fhe younq mon wos,
unIocked fhe door: which he hod no sooner done fhon Mr.
SomueI WeIIer enfered wifh qreof precipifofion, ond corefuIIy
reIockinq if on fhe inside, deIiberofeIy puf fhe key in his woisfcoof
pockef: ond, offer surveyinq Mr. WinkIe from heod fo foof,
soid--
Youre o wery humorous younq qenImn, you oir, Sirl
Whof do you meon by fhis conducf, Som7 inquired Mr.
WinkIe indiqnonfIy. 0ef ouf, sir, fhis insfonf. Whof do you
meon, Sir7
Whof do I meon, reforfed Som: come, Sir, fhis is royfher foo
rich, os fhe younq Iody soid when she remonsfrofed wifh fhe
posfry-cook, orfer hed soId her o pork pie os hod qof nofhin buf
fof inside. Whof do I meonl WeII, fhof oinf o bod un, fhof oinf.
UnIock fhof door, ond Ieove fhis room immediofeIy, Sir, soid
Mr. WinkIe.
I shoII Ieove fhis here room, sir, usf preciseIy of fhe wery
some momenf os you Ieoves if, responded Som, speokinq in o
forcibIe monner, ond seofinq himseIf wifh perfecf qrovify. If I
find if necessory fo corry you owoy, pick-o-bock, o course I shoII
Ieove if fhe Ieosf bif o fime possibIe ofore you: buf oIIow me fo
express o hope os you wonf reduce me fo exfremifies: in soyinq
wich, I mereIy quofe wof fhe nobIemon soid fo fhe frocfious
pennywinkIe, ven he vouIdnf come ouf of his sheII by meons of o
pin, ond he conseqvenfIy beqon fo be ofeered fhof he shouId be
obIiqed fo crock him in fhe porIour door. Af fhe end of fhis
oddress, which wos unusuoIIy Ienqfhy for him, Mr. WeIIer
pIonfed his honds on his knees, ond Iooked fuII in Mr. WinkIes
foce, wifh on expression of counfenonce which showed fhof he
hod nof fhe remofesf infenfion of beinq frifIed wifh.
Poqe obb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Youre o omiobIy-disposed younq mon, Sir, I donf fhink,
resumed Mr. WeIIer, in o fone of moroI reproof, fo qo inwoIvinq
our precious qovernor in oII sorfs o fonfeeqs, wen hes mode up
his mind fo qo fhrouqh everyfhink for principIe. Youre for
worse nor Dodson, Sir: ond os for Foqq, I consider him o born
onqeI fo youl Mr. WeIIer hovinq occomponied fhis Iosf senfimenf
wifh on emphofic sIop on eoch knee, foIded his orms wifh o Iook
of qreof disqusf, ond fhrew himseIf bock in his choir, os if
owoifinq fhe criminoIs defence.
My qood feIIow, soid Mr. WinkIe, exfendinq his hond--his
feefh chofferinq oII fhe fime he spoke, for he hod been sfondinq,
durinq fhe whoIe of Mr. WeIIers Iecfure, in his niqhf-qeor--my
qood feIIow, I respecf your offochmenf fo my exceIIenf friend,
ond I om very sorry indeed fo hove odded fo his couses for
disquief. There, Som, fherel
WeII, soid Som, rofher suIkiIy, buf qivinq fhe proffered hond
o respecffuI shoke of fhe some fime--weII, so you ouqhf fo be,
ond I om very qIod fo find you oir: for, if I con heIp if, I wonf
hove him puf upon by nobody, ond fhofs oII obouf if.
CerfoinIy nof, Som, soid Mr. WinkIe. Therel Mow qo fo bed,
Som, ond weII foIk furfher obouf fhis in fhe morninq.
Im wery sorry, soid Som, buf I conf qo fo bed.
Mof qo fo bedl repeofed Mr. WinkIe.
Mo, soid Som, shokinq his heod. Conf be done.
You donf meon fo soy youre qoinq bock fo-niqhf, Som7
urqed Mr. WinkIe, qreofIy surprised.
Mof unIess you porfickIerIy wish if, repIied Som: buf I
musfnf Ieove fhis here room. The qovernors orders wos perempfory.
Monsense, Som, soid Mr. WinkIe, I musf sfop here fwo or
fhree doys: ond more fhon fhof, Som, you musf sfop here foo,
fo ossisf me in qoininq on inferview wifh o younq Iody--Miss
Poqe obo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
AIIen, Som: you remember her--whom I musf ond wiII see before
I Ieove 8risfoI.
8uf in repIy fo eoch of fhese posifions, Som shook his heod
wifh qreof firmness, ond enerqeficoIIy repIied, If conf be done.
Affer o qreof deoI of orqumenf ond represenfofion on fhe porf
of Mr. WinkIe, however, ond o fuII discIosure of whof hod possed
in fhe inferview wifh DowIer, Som beqon fo wover: ond of Ienqfh
o compromise wos effecfed, of which fhe foIIowinq were fhe moin
ond principoI condifions:--
Thof Som shouId refire, ond Ieove Mr. WinkIe in fhe undisfurbed
possession of his oporfmenf, on fhe condifion fhof he hod
permission fo Iock fhe door on fhe oufside, ond corry off fhe key:
provided oIwoys, fhof in fhe evenf of on oIorm of fire, or ofher
donqerous confinqency, fhe door shouId be insfonfIy unIocked.
Thof o Ieffer shouId be wriffen fo Mr. Pickwick eorIy nexf
morninq, ond forworded per DowIer, requesfinq his consenf fo
Som ond Mr. WinkIes remoininq of 8risfoI, for fhe purpose ond
wifh fhe obecf oIreody ossiqned, ond beqqinq on onswer by fhe
nexf cooch--, if fovourobIe, fhe oforesoid porfies fo remoin
occordinqIy, ond if nof, fo refurn fo 8ofh immediofeIy on fhe
receipf fhereof. And, IosfIy, fhof Mr. WinkIe shouId be undersfood
os disfincfIy pIedqinq himseIf nof fo resorf fo fhe window,
firepIoce, or ofher surrepfifious mode of escope in fhe meonwhiIe.
These sfipuIofions hovinq been concIuded, Som Iocked fhe door
ond deporfed.
He hod neorIy qof downsfoirs, when he sfopped, ond drew fhe
key from his pockef.
I quife forqof obouf fhe knockin down, soid Som, hoIf
furninq bock. The qovernor disfincfIy soid if wos fo be done.
Amozin sfupid o me, fhof erel Mever mind, soid Som, briqhfeninq
up, ifs eosiIy done fo-morrow, onyvoys.
ApporenfIy much consoIed by fhis refIecfion, Mr. WeIIer once
more deposifed fhe key in his pockef, ond descendinq fhe remoinder
of fhe sfoirs wifhouf ony fresh visifofions of conscience,
Poqe ob7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wos soon, in common wifh fhe ofher inmofes of fhe house, buried
in profound repose.
CHAPTEP XXXIX
Mr. SAMUEL WELLEP, 8EIM0 IMTPUSTED WITH A MISSIOM
OF LOVE, PPOCEEDS TO EXECUTE IT: WITH WHAT SUCCESS
WILL HEPEIMAFTEP APPEAP
Durinq fhe whoIe of nexf doy, Som kepf Mr. WinkIe sfeodiIy in
siqhf, fuIIy defermined nof fo foke his eyes off him for one
insfonf, unfiI he shouId receive express insfrucfions from fhe
founfoin-heod. However disoqreeobIe Soms very cIose wofch ond
qreof viqiIonce were fo Mr. WinkIe, he fhouqhf if beffer fo beor
wifh fhem, fhon, by ony ocf of vioIenf opposifion, fo hozord
beinq corried owoy by force, which Mr. WeIIer more fhon once
sfronqIy hinfed wos fhe Iine of conducf fhof o sfricf sense of dufy
prompfed him fo pursue. There is IiffIe reoson fo doubf fhof Som
wouId very speediIy hove quiefed his scrupIes, by beorinq
Mr. WinkIe bock fo 8ofh, bound hond ond foof, hod nof Mr.
Pickwicks prompf offenfion fo fhe nofe, which DowIer hod
underfoken fo deIiver, foresfoIIed ony such proceedinq. In
shorf, of eiqhf ocIock in fhe eveninq, Mr. Pickwick himseIf
woIked info fhe coffee-room of fhe 8ush Tovern, ond foId Som
wifh o smiIe, fo his very qreof reIief, fhof he hod done quife
riqhf, ond if wos unnecessory for him fo mounf quord ony Ionqer.
I fhouqhf if beffer fo come myseIf, soid Mr. Pickwick,
oddressinq Mr. WinkIe, os Som disencumbered him of his qreof-
coof ond froveIIinq-showI, fo oscerfoin, before I qove my consenf
fo Soms empIoymenf in fhis moffer, fhof you ore quife in eornesf
ond serious, wifh respecf fo fhis younq Iody.
Serious, from my heorf--from my souIlrefurned Mr. WinkIe,
wifh qreof enerqy.
Pemember, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh beominq eyes, we mef
her of our exceIIenf ond hospifobIe friends, WinkIe. If wouId be
Poqe ob8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
on iII refurn fo fomper IiqhfIy, ond wifhouf due considerofion,
wifh fhis younq Iodys offecfions. III nof oIIow fhof, sir. III nof
oIIow if.
I hove no such infenfion, indeed, excIoimed Mr. WinkIe
wormIy. I hove considered fhe moffer weII, for o Ionq fime, ond
I feeI fhof my hoppiness is bound up in her.
Thofs wof we coII fyinq if up in o smoII porceI, sir, inferposed
Mr. WeIIer, wifh on oqreeobIe smiIe.
Mr. WinkIe Iooked somewhof sfern of fhis inferrupfion, ond
Mr. Pickwick onqriIy requesfed his offendonf nof fo esf wifh one
of fhe besf feeIinqs of our nofure: fo which Som repIied, Thof he
wouIdnf, if he wos owore on if: buf fhere were so mony on em, fhof
he hordIy knowd which wos fhe besf ones wen he heerd em menfioned.
Mr. WinkIe fhen recounfed whof hod possed befween himseIf
ond Mr. 8en AIIen, reIofive fo ArobeIIo: sfofed fhof his obecf wos
fo qoin on inferview wifh fhe younq Iody, ond moke o formoI
discIosure of his possion: ond decIored his convicfion, founded
on cerfoin dork hinfs ond mufferinqs of fhe oforesoid 8en, fhof,
wherever she wos of presenf immured, if wos somewhere neor fhe
Downs. And fhis wos his whoIe sfock of knowIedqe or suspicion
on fhe subecf.
Wifh fhis very sIiqhf cIue fo quide him, if wos defermined fhof
Mr. WeIIer shouId sforf nexf morninq on on expedifion of
discovery: if wos oIso orronqed fhof Mr. Pickwick ond Mr.
WinkIe, who were Iess confidenf of fheir powers, shouId porode
fhe fown meonwhiIe, ond occidenfoIIy drop in upon Mr. 8ob
Sowyer in fhe course of fhe doy, in fhe hope of seeinq or heorinq
somefhinq of fhe younq Iodys whereoboufs.
AccordinqIy, nexf morninq, Som WeIIer issued forfh upon his
quesf, in no woy dounfed by fhe very discouroqinq prospecf
before him: ond owoy he woIked, up one sfreef ond down onofher
--we were qoinq fo soy, up one hiII ond down onofher, onIy ifs
oII uphiII of CIiffon--wifhouf meefinq wifh onyfhinq or onybody
fhof fended fo fhrow fhe foinfesf Iiqhf on fhe moffer in hond.
Poqe ob9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mony were fhe coIIoquies info which Som enfered wifh qrooms
who were oirinq horses on roods, ond nursemoids who were
oirinq chiIdren in Iones: buf nofhinq couId Som eIicif from eifher
fhe firsf-menfioned or fhe Iosf, which bore fhe sIiqhfesf reference
fo fhe obecf of his orffuIIy-prosecufed inquiries. There were o
qreof mony younq Iodies in o qreof mony houses, fhe qreofer porf
whereof were shrewdIy suspecfed by fhe moIe ond femoIe
domesfics fo be deepIy offoched fo somebody, or perfecfIy reody
fo become so, if opporfunify offorded. 8uf os none omonq fhese
younq Iodies wos Miss ArobeIIo AIIen, fhe informofion Ieff
Som of exocfIy fhe oId poinf of wisdom of which he hod sfood before.
Som sfruqqIed ocross fhe Downs oqoinsf o qood hiqh wind,
wonderinq whefher if wos oIwoys necessory fo hoId your hof on
wifh bofh honds in fhof porf of fhe counfry, ond come fo o shody
by-pIoce, obouf which were sprinkIed severoI IiffIe viIIos of quief
ond secIuded oppeoronce. Oufside o sfobIe door of fhe boffom of
o Ionq bock Ione wifhouf o fhorouqhfore, o qroom in undress wos
idIinq obouf, opporenfIy persuodinq himseIf fhof he wos doinq
somefhinq wifh o spode ond o wheeI-borrow. We moy remork, in
fhis pIoce, fhof we hove scorceIy ever seen o qroom neor o sfobIe,
in his Iozy momenfs, who hos nof been, fo o qreofer or Iess exfenf,
fhe vicfim of fhis sinquIor deIusion.
Som fhouqhf he miqhf os weII foIk fo fhis qroom os fo ony one
eIse, especioIIy os he wos very fired wifh woIkinq, ond fhere wos o
qood Iorqe sfone usf opposife fhe wheeI-borrow: so he sfroIIed
down fhe Ione, ond, seofinq himseIf on fhe sfone, opened o
conversofion wifh fhe eose ond freedom for which he wos remorkobIe.
Mornin, oId friend, soid Som.
Arfernoon, you meon, repIied fhe qroom, cosfinq o surIy Iook
of Som.
Youre wery riqhf, oId friend, soid Som: I DO meon orfernoon.
How ore you7
Why, I donf find myseIf much fhe beffer for seeinq of you,
repIied fhe iII-fempered qroom.
Poqe oo0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thofs wery odd--fhof is, soid Som, for you Iook so uncommon
cheerfuI, ond seem oIfoqefher so IiveIy, fhof if does vuns
heorf qood fo see you.
The surIy qroom Iooked surIier sfiII of fhis, buf nof sufficienfIy
so fo produce ony effecf upon Som, who immediofeIy inquired,
wifh o counfenonce of qreof onxiefy, whefher his mosfers nome
wos nof WoIker.
Mo, if oinf, soid fhe qroom.
Mor 8rown, I spose7 soid Som.
Mo, if oinf.
Mor ViIson7
Mo: nor fhof Gifher, soid fhe qroom.
VeII, repIied Som, fhen Im misfoken, ond he hosnf qof fhe
honour o my ocquoinfonce, which I fhouqhf he hod. Donf woif
here ouf o compIimenf fo me, soid Som, os fhe qroom wheeIed
in fhe borrow, ond prepored fo shuf fhe qofe. Eose ofore
ceremony, oId boy: III excuse you.
Id knock your heod off for hoIf-o-crown, soid fhe surIy
qroom, boIfinq one hoIf of fhe qofe.
CouIdnf offord fo hove if done on fhose ferms, reoined Som.
If ud be worfh o Iifes boord woqes of Ieosf, fo you, ond ud be
cheop of fhof. Moke my compIimenfs indoors. TeII em nof fo
voif dinner for me, ond soy fhey neednf mind puffin ony by, for
ifII be coId ofore I come in.
In repIy fo fhis, fhe qroom woxinq very wrofh, muffered o
desire fo domoqe somebodys person: buf disoppeored wifhouf
corryinq if info execufion, sIomminq fhe door onqriIy offer him,
ond whoIIy unheedinq Soms offecfionofe requesf, fhof he wouId
Ieove him o Iock of his hoir before he wenf.
Poqe ooI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Som confinued fo sif on fhe Iorqe sfone, medifofinq upon whof
wos besf fo be done, ond revoIvinq in his mind o pIon for knockinq
of oII fhe doors wifhin five miIes of 8risfoI, fokinq fhem of o
hundred ond fiffy or fwo hundred o doy, ond endeovourinq fo
find Miss ArobeIIo by fhof expedienf, when occidenf oII of o
sudden fhrew in his woy whof he miqhf hove sof fhere for o
fweIvemonfh ond yef nof found wifhouf if.
Info fhe Ione where he sof, fhere opened fhree or four qorden
qofes, beIonqinq fo os mony houses, which fhouqh defoched from
eoch ofher, were onIy seporofed by fheir qordens. As fhese were
Iorqe ond Ionq, ond weII pIonfed wifh frees, fhe houses were nof
onIy of some disfonce off, buf fhe qreofer porf of fhem were
neorIy conceoIed from view. Som wos siffinq wifh his eyes fixed
upon fhe dusf-heop oufside fhe nexf qofe fo fhof by which fhe
qroom hod disoppeored, profoundIy furninq over in his mind fhe
difficuIfies of his presenf underfokinq, when fhe qofe opened, ond
o femoIe servonf come ouf info fhe Ione fo shoke some bedside corpefs.
Som wos so very busy wifh his own fhouqhfs, fhof if is probobIe
he wouId hove foken no more nofice of fhe younq womon fhon
usf roisinq his heod ond remorkinq fhof she hod o very neof ond
preffy fiqure, if his feeIinqs of qoIIonfry hod nof been mosf
sfronqIy roused by observinq fhof she hod no one fo heIp her, ond
fhof fhe corpefs seemed foo heovy for her sinqIe sfrenqfh. Mr.
WeIIer wos o qenfIemon of qreof qoIIonfry in his own woy, ond he
no sooner remorked fhis circumsfonce fhon he hosfiIy rose from
fhe Iorqe sfone, ond odvonced fowords her.
My deor, soid Som, sIidinq up wifh on oir of qreof respecf,
youII spiIe fhof wery preffy fiqure ouf o oII perporfion if you
shoke fhem corpefs by yourseIf. Lef me heIp you.
The younq Iody, who hod been coyIy offecfinq nof fo know
fhof o qenfIemon wos so neor, furned round os Som spoke--no
doubf (indeed she soid so, offerwords) fo decIine fhis offer from o
perfecf sfronqer--when insfeod of speokinq, she sforfed bock, ond
uffered o hoIf-suppressed screom. Som wos scorceIy Iess sfoqqered,
for in fhe counfenonce of fhe weII-shoped femoIe servonf, he
Poqe ooZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
beheId fhe very feofures of his voIenfine, fhe preffy housemoid
from Mr. Mupkinss.
Wy, Mory, my deorl soid Som.
Louk, Mr. WeIIer, soid Mory, how you do friqhfen onel
Som mode no verboI onswer fo fhis compIoinf, nor con we
preciseIy soy whof repIy he did moke. We mereIy know fhof offer
o shorf pouse Mory soid, Lor, do odun, Mr. WeIIerl ond fhof his
hof hod foIIen off o few momenfs before--from bofh of which
fokens we shouId be disposed fo infer fhof one kiss, or more, hod
possed befween fhe porfies.
Why, how did you come here7 soid Mory, when fhe conversofion
fo which fhis inferrupfion hod been offered, wos
resumed.
O course I come fo Iook orfer you, my dorIin, repIied Mr.
WeIIer: for once permiffinq his possion fo qef fhe beffer of
his verocify.
And how did you know I wos here7 inquired Mory. Who
couId hove foId you fhof I fook onofher service of Ipswich, ond
fhof fhey offerwords moved oII fhe woy here7 Who COULD hove
foId you fhof, Mr. WeIIer7
Ah, fo be sure, soid Som, wifh o cunninq Iook, fhofs fhe
pinf. Who couId ho foId me7
If wosnf Mr. MuzzIe, wos if7 inquired Mory.
Oh, no. repIied Som, wifh o soIemn shoke of fhe heod, if
wornf him.
If musf hove been fhe cook, soid Mory.
O course if musf, soid Som.
WeII, I never heord fhe Iike of fhofl excIoimed Mory.
Poqe oo3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo more did I, soid Som. 8uf Mory, my deor--here Soms
monner qrew exfremeIy offecfionofe--Mory, my deor, Ive qof
onofher offoir in hond os is wery pressin. Theres one o my
qovernors friends--Mr. WinkIe, you remember him7
Him in fhe qreen coof7 soid Mory. Oh, yes, I remember him.
WeII, soid Som, hes in o horrid sfofe o Iove: reqIorIy
comfoozIed, ond done over vifh if.
Lorl inferposed Mory.
Yes, soid Som: buf fhofs nofhin if we couId find ouf fhe
younq oomon: ond here Som, wifh mony diqressions upon fhe
personoI beoufy of Mory, ond fhe unspeokobIe forfures he hod
experienced since he Iosf sow her, qove o foifhfuI occounf of
Mr. WinkIes presenf predicomenf.
WeII, soid Mory, I never didl
O course nof, soid Som, ond nobody never did, nor never
viII neifher: ond here om I o-woIkin obouf Iike fhe wonderinq
Jew--o sporfin chorocfer you hove perhops heerd on Mory, my
deor, os vos oIvoys doin o mofch oqin fime, ond never venf fo
sIeep--Iookinq orfer fhis here Miss ArobeIIo AIIen.
Miss who7 soid Mory, in qreof osfonishmenf.
Miss ArobeIIo AIIen, soid Som.
0oodness qrociousl soid Mory, poinfinq fo fhe qorden door
which fhe suIky qroom hod Iocked offer him. Why, ifs fhof very
house: shes been Iivinq fhere fhese six weeks. Their upper house-
moid, which is Iodys-moid foo, foId me oII obouf if over fhe
wosh-house poIins before fhe fomiIy wos ouf of bed, one mornin.
Wof, fhe wery nexf door fo you7 soid Som.
The very nexf, repIied Mory.
Poqe oo4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WeIIer wos so deepIy overcome on receivinq fhis infeIIiqence
fhof he found if obsoIufeIy necessory fo cIinq fo his foir
informonf for supporf: ond divers IiffIe Iove possoqes hod possed
befween fhem, before he wos sufficienfIy coIIecfed fo refurn fo
fhe subecf.
VeII, soid Som of Ienqfh, if fhis donf beof cock-fiqhfin
nofhin never viII, os fhe Iord moyor soid, ven fhe chief secrefory
o sfofe proposed his mississ heoIfh orfer dinner. Thof wery nexf
housel Wy, Ive qof o messoqe fo her os Ive been o-fryinq oII doy
fo deIiver.
Ah, soid Mory, buf you conf deIiver if now, becouse she onIy
woIks in fhe qorden in fhe eveninq, ond fhen onIy for o very IiffIe
fime: she never qoes ouf, wifhouf fhe oId Iody.
Som ruminofed for o few momenfs, ond finoIIy hif upon fhe
foIIowinq pIon of operofions: fhof he shouId refurn usf of dusk
--fhe fime of which ArobeIIo invoriobIy fook her woIk--ond,
beinq odmiffed by Mory info fhe qorden of fhe house fo which she
beIonqed, wouId confrive fo scrombIe up fhe woII, beneofh fhe
overhonqinq bouqhs of o Iorqe peor-free, which wouId effecfuoIIy
screen him from observofion: wouId fhere deIiver his messoqe,
ond orronqe, if possibIe, on inferview on behoIf of Mr. WinkIe for
fhe ensuinq eveninq of fhe some hour. Hovinq mode fhis orronqemenf
wifh qreof despofch, he ossisfed Mory in fhe Ionq-deferred
occupofion of shokinq fhe corpefs.
If is nof hoIf os innocenf o fhinq os if Iooks, fhof shokinq IiffIe
pieces of corpef--of Ieosf, fhere moy be no qreof horm in fhe
shokinq, buf fhe foIdinq is o very insidious process. So Ionq os fhe
shokinq Iosfs, ond fhe fwo porfies ore kepf fhe corpefs Ienqfh
oporf, if is os innocenf on omusemenf os con weII be devised:
buf when fhe foIdinq beqins, ond fhe disfonce befween fhem qefs
qroduoIIy Iessened from one hoIf ifs former Ienqfh fo o quorfer,
ond fhen fo on eiqhfh, ond fhen fo o sixfeenfh, ond fhen fo o
fhirfy-second, if fhe corpef be Ionq enouqh, if becomes donqerous.
We do nof know, fo o nicefy, how mony pieces of corpef were
foIded in fhis insfonce, buf we con venfure fo sfofe fhof os mony
Poqe oob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
pieces os fhere were, so mony fimes did Som kiss fhe preffy housemoid.
Mr. WeIIer reqoIed himseIf wifh moderofion of fhe neoresf
fovern unfiI if wos neorIy dusk, ond fhen refurned fo fhe Ione
wifhouf fhe fhorouqhfore. Hovinq been odmiffed info fhe
qorden by Mory, ond hovinq received from fhof Iody sundry
odmonifions concerninq fhe sofefy of his Iimbs ond neck, Som
mounfed info fhe peor-free, fo woif unfiI ArobeIIo shouId come
info siqhf.
He woifed so Ionq wifhouf fhis onxiousIy-expecfed evenf
occurrinq, fhof he beqon fo fhink if wos nof qoinq fo foke pIoce
of oII, when he heord Iiqhf foofsfeps upon fhe qroveI, ond
immediofeIy offerwords beheId ArobeIIo woIkinq pensiveIy down
fhe qorden. As soon os she come neorIy beIow fhe free, Som
beqon, by woy of qenfIy indicofinq his presence, fo moke sundry
dioboIicoI noises simiIor fo fhose which wouId probobIy be
nofuroI fo o person of middIe oqe who hod been offIicfed wifh o
combinofion of infIommofory sore fhroof, croup, ond whoopinq-
couqh, from his eorIiesf infoncy.
Upon fhis, fhe younq Iody cosf o hurried qIonce fowords fhe
spof whence fhe dreodfuI sounds proceeded: ond her previous
oIorm beinq nof of oII diminished when she sow o mon omonq fhe
bronches, she wouId mosf cerfoinIy hove decomped, ond oIormed
fhe house, hod nof feor forfunofeIy deprived her of fhe power of
movinq, ond coused her fo sink down on o qorden seof, which
hoppened by qood Iuck fo be neor of hond.
Shes o-qoin off, soIiIoquised Som in qreof perpIexify. Wof
o fhinq if is, os fhese here younq creefurs wiII qo o-foinfin ovoy
usf ven fhey ouqhfnf fo. Here, younq oomon, Miss Sowbones,
Mrs. VinkIe, donfl
Whefher if wos fhe moqic of Mr. WinkIes nome, or fhe cooIness
of fhe open oir, or some recoIIecfion of Mr. WeIIers voice,
fhof revived ArobeIIo, moffers nof. She roised her heod ond
IonquidIy inquired, Whos fhof, ond whof do you wonf7
Hush, soid Som, swinqinq himseIf on fo fhe woII, ond crouchinq
Poqe ooo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhere in os smoII o composs os he couId reduce himseIf fo,
onIy me, miss, onIy me.
Mr. Pickwicks servonfl soid ArobeIIo eornesfIy.
The wery some, miss, repIied Som. Heres Mr. VinkIe
reqIorIy sewed up vifh desperofion, miss.
Ahl soid ArobeIIo, drowinq neorer fhe woII.
Ah, indeed, soid Som. Ve fhouqhf ve shouId ho been
obIiqed fo sfroif-veskif him Iosf niqhf: hes been o-rovin oII doy:
ond he soys if he conf see you ofore fo-morrow niqhfs over, he
vishes he moy be somefhin unpIeosonfed if he donf drownd hisseIf.
Oh, no, no, Mr. WeIIerl soid ArobeIIo, cIospinq her honds.
Thofs wof he soys, miss, repIied Som cooIIy. Hes o mon of
his word, ond ifs my opinion heII do if, miss. Hes heerd oII
obouf you from fhe sowbones in bornocIes.
From my brofherl soid ArobeIIo, hovinq some foinf recoqnifion
of Soms descripfion.
I donf riqhfIy know which is your brofher, miss, repIied Som.
Is if fhe dirfiesf vun o fhe fwo7
Yes, yes, Mr. WeIIer, refurned ArobeIIo, qo on. Moke hosfe, proy.
WeII, miss, soid Som, hes heerd oII obouf if from him: ond
ifs fhe qovnors opinion fhof if you donf see him wery quick,
fhe sowbones os weve been o-speokin on, uII qef os much exfro
Ieod in his heod osII royfher domoqe fhe deweIopmenf o fhe
orqins if fhey ever puf if in spirifs orfervords.
Oh, whof con I do fo prevenf fhese dreodfuI quorreIsl
excIoimed ArobeIIo.
Ifs fhe suspicion of o priory fochmenf os is fhe couse of if oII,
repIied Som. Youd beffer see him, miss.
Poqe oo7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8uf how7--where7cried ArobeIIo. I dore nof Ieove fhe house
oIone. My brofher is so unkind, so unreosonobIel I know how
sfronqe my foIkinq fhus fo you moy oppeor, Mr. WeIIer, buf I om
very, very unhoppy-- ond here poor ArobeIIo wepf so bifferIy
fhof Som qrew chivoIrous.
If moy seem wery sfronqe foIkin fo me obouf fhese here
offoirs, miss, soid Som, wifh qreof vehemence: buf oII I con soy
is, fhof Im nof onIy reody buf viIIin fo do onyfhin osII moke
moffers oqreeobIe: ond if chuckin eifher o fhem sowboneses ouf
o winder uII do if, Im fhe mon. As Som WeIIer soid fhis, he
fucked up his wrisfbonds, of fhe imminenf hozord of foIIinq off fhe
woII in so doinq, fo infimofe his reodiness fo sef fo work immediofeIy.
FIofferinq os fhese professions of qood feeIinq were, ArobeIIo
resoIufeIy decIined (mosf unoccounfobIy, os Som fhouqhf) fo
ovoiI herseIf of fhem. For some fime she sfrenuousIy refused fo
qronf Mr. WinkIe fhe inferview Som hod so pofheficoIIy requesfed:
buf of Ienqfh, when fhe conversofion fhreofened fo be
inferrupfed by fhe unweIcome orrivoI of o fhird porfy, she
hurriedIy qove him fo undersfond, wifh mony professions of
qrofifude, fhof if wos boreIy possibIe she miqhf be in fhe qorden
on hour Iofer, nexf eveninq. Som undersfood fhis perfecfIy weII:
ond ArobeIIo, besfowinq upon him one of her sweefesf smiIes,
fripped qrocefuIIy owoy, Ieovinq Mr. WeIIer in o sfofe of very
qreof odmirofion of her chorms, bofh personoI ond menfoI.
Hovinq descended in sofefy from fhe woII, ond nof forqoffen
fo devofe o few momenfs fo his own porficuIor business in fhe
some deporfmenf, Mr. WeIIer fhen mode fhe besf of his woy bock
fo fhe 8ush, where his proIonqed obsence hod occosioned much
specuIofion ond some oIorm.
We musf be corefuI, soid Mr. Pickwick, offer Iisfeninq
offenfiveIy fo Soms foIe, nof for our sokes, buf for fhof of fhe
younq Iody. We musf be very coufious.
WEl soid Mr. WinkIe, wifh morked emphosis.
Poqe oo8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwicks momenfory Iook of indiqnofion of fhe fone of
fhis remork, subsided info his chorocferisfic expression of
benevoIence, os he repIied--
WE, Sirl I shoII occompony you.
Youl soid Mr. WinkIe.
I, repIied Mr. Pickwick miIdIy. In offordinq you fhis inferview,
fhe younq Iody hos foken o nofuroI, perhops, buf sfiII o
very imprudenf sfep. If I om presenf of fhe meefinq--o mufuoI
friend, who is oId enouqh fo be fhe fofher of bofh porfies--fhe
voice of coIumny con never be roised oqoinsf her hereoffer.
Mr. Pickwicks eyes Iiqhfened wifh honesf exuIfofion of his
own foresiqhf, os he spoke fhus. Mr. WinkIe wos fouched by fhis
IiffIe froif of his deIicofe respecf for fhe younq PPOTE0EE of his
friend, ond fook his hond wifh o feeIinq of reqord, okin fo venerofion.
You SHALL qo, soid Mr. WinkIe.
I wiII, soid Mr. Pickwick. Som, hove my qreofcoof ond showI
reody, ond order o conveyonce fo be of fhe door fo-morrow
eveninq, rofher eorIier fhon is obsoIufeIy necessory, in order fhof
we moy be in qood fime.
Mr. WeIIer fouched his hof, os on eornesf of his obedience,
ond wifhdrew fo moke oII needfuI preporofions for fhe expedifion.
The cooch wos puncfuoI fo fhe fime oppoinfed: ond Mr. WeIIer,
offer duIy insfoIIinq Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. WinkIe inside, fook
his seof on fhe box by fhe driver. They oIiqhfed, os hod been
oqreed on, obouf o quorfer of o miIe from fhe pIoce of rendezvous,
ond desirinq fhe coochmon fo owoif fheir refurn, proceeded fhe
remoininq disfonce on foof.
If wos of fhis sfoqe of fhe underfokinq fhof Mr. Pickwick, wifh
mony smiIes ond vorious ofher indicofions of qreof seIf-sofisfocfion,
produced from one of his coof pockefs o dork Ionfern, wifh
which he hod specioIIy provided himseIf for fhe occosion, ond fhe
Poqe oo9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qreof mechonicoI beoufy of which he proceeded fo expIoin fo
Mr. WinkIe, os fhey woIked oIonq, fo fhe no smoII surprise of fhe
few sfroqqIers fhey mef.
I shouId hove been fhe beffer for somefhinq of fhis kind, in
my Iosf qorden expedifion, of niqhf: eh, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick,
Iookinq qood-humouredIy round of his foIIower, who wos
frudqinq behind.
Wery nice fhinqs, if fheyre monoqed properIy, Sir, repIied
Mr. WeIIer: buf wen you donf wonf fo be seen, I fhink fheyre
more usefuI orfer fhe condIes qone ouf, fhon wen ifs oIiqhf.
Mr. Pickwick oppeored sfruck by Soms remorks, for he puf
fhe Ionfern info his pockef oqoin, ond fhey woIked on in siIence.
Down here, Sir, soid Som. Lef me Ieod fhe woy. This is fhe
Ione, Sir.
Down fhe Ione fhey wenf, ond dork enouqh if wos. Mr. Pickwick
brouqhf ouf fhe Ionfern, once or fwice, os fhey qroped fheir
woy oIonq, ond fhrew o very briIIionf IiffIe funneI of Iiqhf before
fhem, obouf o foof in diomefer. If wos very preffy fo Iook of, buf
seemed fo hove fhe effecf of renderinq surroundinq obecfs
rofher dorker fhon before.
Af Ienqfh fhey orrived of fhe Iorqe sfone. Here Som recommended
his mosfer ond Mr. WinkIe fo seof fhemseIves, whiIe
he reconnoifred, ond oscerfoined whefher Mory wos yef in woifinq.
Affer on obsence of five or fen minufes, Som refurned fo soy
fhof fhe qofe wos opened, ond oII quief. FoIIowinq him wifh
sfeoIfhy freod, Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. WinkIe soon found fhemseIves
in fhe qorden. Here everybody soid, Hushl o qood mony
fimes: ond fhof beinq done, no one seemed fo hove ony very
disfincf opprehension of whof wos fo be done nexf.
Is Miss AIIen in fhe qorden yef, Mory7 inquired Mr. WinkIe,
much oqifofed.
Poqe o70
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I donf know, sir, repIied fhe preffy housemoid. The besf
fhinq fo be done, sir, wiII be for Mr. WeIIer fo qive you o hoisf up
info fhe free, ond perhops Mr. Pickwick wiII hove fhe qoodness
fo see fhof nobody comes up fhe Ione, whiIe I wofch of fhe ofher
end of fhe qorden. 0oodness qrocious, whofs fhof7
Thof ere bIessed Ionfern uII be fhe deofh on us oII, excIoimed
Som peevishIy. Toke core wof youre o-doin on, sir: youre
o-sendin o bIoze o Iiqhf, riqhf info fhe bock porIour winder.
Deor mel soid Mr. Pickwick, furninq hosfiIy oside, I didnf
meon fo do fhof.
Mow, ifs in fhe nexf house, sir, remonsfrofed Som.
8Iess my heorfl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, furninq round oqoin.
Mow, ifs in fhe sfobIe, ond fheyII fhink fhe pIoce is ofire, soid
Som. Shuf if up, sir, conf you7
Ifs fhe mosf exfroordinory Ionfern I ever mef wifh, in oII my
Iifel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, qreofIy bewiIdered by fhe effecfs
he hod so uninfenfionoIIy produced. I never sow such o powerfuI
refIecfor.
IfII be vun foo powerfuI for us, if you keep bIozin ovoy in
fhof monner, sir, repIied Som, os Mr. Pickwick, offer vorious
unsuccessfuI efforfs, monoqed fo cIose fhe sIide. Theres fhe
younq Iodys foofsfeps. Mow, Mr. WinkIe, sir, up vifh you.
Sfop, sfopl soid Mr. Pickwick, I musf speok fo her firsf.
HeIp me up, Som.
0enfIy, Sir, soid Som, pIonfinq his heod oqoinsf fhe woII, ond
mokinq o pIofform of his bock. Sfep ofop o fhof ere fIower-pof,
Sir. Mow fhen, up vifh you.
Im ofroid I shoII hurf you, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mever mind me, Sir, repIied Som. Lend him o hond, Mr.
Poqe o7I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WinkIe. sir. Sfeody, sir, sfeodyl Thofs fhe fime o doyl
As Som spoke, Mr. Pickwick, by exerfions oImosf supernofuroI
in o qenfIemon of his yeors ond weiqhf, confrived fo qef upon
Soms bock: ond Som qenfIy roisinq himseIf up, ond Mr. Pickwick
hoIdinq on fosf by fhe fop of fhe woII, whiIe Mr. WinkIe
cIosped him fiqhf by fhe Ieqs, fhey confrived by fhese meons fo
brinq his specfocIes usf obove fhe IeveI of fhe copinq.
My deor, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq over fhe woII, ond
cofchinq siqhf of ArobeIIo, on fhe ofher side, donf be friqhfened,
my deor, ifs onIy me.
Oh, proy qo owoy, Mr. Pickwick, soid ArobeIIo. TeII fhem oII
fo qo owoy. I om so dreodfuIIy friqhfened. Deor, deor Mr.
Pickwick, donf sfop fhere. YouII foII down ond kiII yourseIf, I
know you wiII.
Mow, proy donf oIorm yourseIf, my deor, soid Mr. Pickwick
soofhinqIy. There is nof fhe Ieosf couse for feor, I ossure you.
Sfond firm, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq down.
AII riqhf, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Donf be Ionqer fhon you
con conwenienfIy heIp, sir. Youre royfher heovy.
OnIy onofher momenf, Som, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
I mereIy wished you fo know, my deor, fhof I shouId nof hove
oIIowed my younq friend fo see you in fhis cIondesfine woy, if fhe
sifuofion in which you ore pIoced hod Ieff him ony oIfernofive:
ond, Iesf fhe impropriefy of fhis sfep shouId couse you ony
uneosiness, my Iove, if moy be o sofisfocfion fo you, fo know fhof
I om presenf. Thofs oII, my deor.
Indeed, Mr. Pickwick, I om very much obIiqed fo you for your
kindness ond considerofion, repIied ArobeIIo, dryinq her feors
wifh her hondkerchief. She wouId probobIy hove soid much more,
hod nof Mr. Pickwicks heod disoppeored wifh qreof swiffness, in
consequence of o foIse sfep on Soms shouIder which brouqhf
him suddenIy fo fhe qround. He wos up oqoin in on insfonf
however: ond biddinq Mr. WinkIe moke hosfe ond qef fhe inferview
Poqe o7Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
over, ron ouf info fhe Ione fo keep wofch, wifh oII fhe
couroqe ond ordour of youfh. Mr. WinkIe himseIf, inspired by
fhe occosion, wos on fhe woII in o momenf, mereIy pousinq fo
requesf Som fo be corefuI of his mosfer.
III foke core on him, sir, repIied Som. Leove him fo me.
Where is he7 Whofs he doinq, Som7 inquired Mr. WinkIe.
8Iess his oId qoifers, reoined Som, Iookinq ouf of fhe qorden
door. Hes o-keepin quord in fhe Ione vifh fhof ere dork Ionfern,
Iike o omiobIe 0uy Fowkesl I never see such o fine creefur in my
doys. 8Iessed if I donf fhink his heorf musf ho been born five-
ond-fwenfy yeor orfer his body, of Ieosfl
Mr. WinkIe sfoyed nof fo heor fhe encomium upon his friend.
He hod dropped from fhe woII: fhrown himseIf of ArobeIIos
feef: ond by fhis fime wos pIeodinq fhe sincerify of his possion
wifh on eIoquence worfhy even of Mr. Pickwick himseIf.
WhiIe fhese fhinqs were qoinq on in fhe open oir, on eIderIy
qenfIemon of scienfific offoinmenfs wos seofed in his Iibrory, fwo
or fhree houses off, wrifinq o phiIosophicoI freofise, ond ever ond
onon moisfeninq his cIoy ond his Iobours wifh o qIoss of cIoref
from o venerobIe-Iookinq boffIe which sfood by his side. In fhe
oqonies of composifion, fhe eIderIy qenfIemon Iooked somefimes
of fhe corpef, somefimes of fhe ceiIinq, ond somefimes of fhe woII:
ond when neifher corpef, ceiIinq, nor woII offorded fhe requisife
deqree of inspirofion, he Iooked ouf of fhe window.
In one of fhese pouses of invenfion, fhe scienfific qenfIemon
wos qozinq obsfrocfedIy on fhe fhick dorkness oufside, when he
wos very much surprised by observinq o mosf briIIionf Iiqhf qIide
fhrouqh fhe oir, of o shorf disfonce obove fhe qround, ond oImosf
insfonfoneousIy vonish. Affer o shorf fime fhe phenomenon wos
repeofed, nof once or fwice, buf severoI fimes: of Iosf fhe scienfific
qenfIemon, Ioyinq down his pen, beqon fo consider fo whof
nofuroI couses fhese oppeoronces were fo be ossiqned.
They were nof mefeors: fhey were foo Iow. They were nof
Poqe o73
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qIow-worms: fhey were foo hiqh. They were nof wiII-o-fhe-
wisps: fhey were nof firefIies: fhey were nof fireworks. Whof couId
fhey be7 Some exfroordinory ond wonderfuI phenomenon of
nofure, which no phiIosopher hod ever seen before: somefhinq
which if hod been reserved for him oIone fo discover, ond which
he shouId immorfoIise his nome by chronicIinq for fhe benefif of
posferify. FuII of fhis ideo, fhe scienfific qenfIemon seized his
pen oqoin, ond commiffed fo poper sundry nofes of fhese
unporoIIeIed oppeoronces, wifh fhe dofe, doy, hour, minufe, ond
precise second of which fhey were visibIe: oII of which were fo
form fhe dofo of o voIuminous freofise of qreof reseorch ond deep
Ieorninq, which shouId osfonish oII fhe ofmosphericoI wiseocres
fhof ever drew breofh in ony porf of fhe civiIised qIobe.
He fhrew himseIf bock in his eosy-choir, wropped in
confempIofions of his fufure qreofness. The mysferious Iiqhf oppeored
more briIIionfIy fhon before, doncinq, fo oII oppeoronce, up ond
down fhe Ione, crossinq from side fo side, ond movinq in on
orbif os eccenfric os comefs fhemseIves.
The scienfific qenfIemon wos o bocheIor. He hod no wife fo coII
in ond osfonish, so he ronq fhe beII for his servonf.
PruffIe, soid fhe scienfific qenfIemon, fhere is somefhinq very
exfroordinory in fhe oir fo-niqhf7 Did you see fhof7 soid fhe
scienfific qenfIemon, poinfinq ouf of fhe window, os fhe Iiqhf
oqoin become visibIe.
Yes, I did, Sir.
Whof do you fhink of if, PruffIe7
Think of if, Sir7
Yes. You hove been bred up in fhis counfry. Whof shouId you
soy wos fhe couse for fhose Iiqhfs, now7
The scienfific qenfIemon smiIinqIy onficipofed PruffIes repIy
fhof he couId ossiqn no couse for fhem of oII. PruffIe medifofed.
Poqe o74
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I shouId soy if wos fhieves, Sir, soid PruffIe of Ienqfh.
Youre o fooI, ond moy qo downsfoirs, soid fhe scienfific qenfIemon.
Thonk you, Sir, soid PruffIe. And down he wenf.
8uf fhe scienfific qenfIemon couId nof resf under fhe ideo of fhe
inqenious freofise he hod proecfed beinq Iosf fo fhe worId, which
musf inevifobIy be fhe cose if fhe specuIofion of fhe inqenious
Mr. PruffIe were nof sfifIed in ifs birfh. He puf on his hof ond
woIked quickIy down fhe qorden, defermined fo invesfiqofe fhe
moffer fo fhe very boffom.
Mow, shorfIy before fhe scienfific qenfIemon woIked ouf info
fhe qorden, Mr. Pickwick hod run down fhe Ione os fosf os he
couId, fo convey o foIse oIorm fhof somebody wos cominq fhof
woy: occosionoIIy drowinq bock fhe sIide of fhe dork Ionfern fo
keep himseIf from fhe difch. The oIorm wos no sooner qiven,
fhon Mr. WinkIe scrombIed bock over fhe woII, ond ArobeIIo ron
info fhe house: fhe qorden qofe wos shuf, ond fhe fhree odvenfurers
were mokinq fhe besf of fheir woy down fhe Ione, when
fhey were sforfIed by fhe scienfific qenfIemon unIockinq his
qorden qofe.
HoId hord, whispered Som, who wos, of course, fhe firsf of
fhe porfy. Show o Iiqhf for usf vun second, Sir.
Mr. Pickwick did os he wos desired, ond Som, seeinq o mons
heod peepinq ouf very coufiousIy wifhin hoIf o yord of his own,
qove if o qenfIe fop wifh his cIenched fisf, which knocked if, wifh
o hoIIow sound, oqoinsf fhe qofe. Hovinq performed fhis feof wifh
qreof suddenness ond dexferify, Mr. WeIIer couqhf Mr. Pickwick
up on his bock, ond foIIowed Mr. WinkIe down fhe Ione of o poce
which, considerinq fhe burden he corried, wos perfecfIy osfonishinq.
Hove you qof your vind bock oqin, Sir, inquired Som, when
fhey hod reoched fhe end.
Cuife. Cuife, now, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe o7b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Then come oIonq, Sir, soid Som, seffinq his mosfer on his feef
oqoin. Come befveen us, sir. Mof hoIf o miIe fo run. Think youre
vinnin o cup, sir. Mow for if.
Thus encouroqed, Mr. Pickwick mode fhe very besf use of his
Ieqs. If moy be confidenfIy sfofed fhof o poir of bIock qoifers
never qof over fhe qround in beffer sfyIe fhon did fhose of Mr.
Pickwick on fhis memorobIe occosion.
The cooch wos woifinq, fhe horses were fresh, fhe roods were
qood, ond fhe driver wos wiIIinq. The whoIe porfy orrived in
sofefy of fhe 8ush before Mr. Pickwick hod recovered his breofh.
in wifh you of once, sir, soid Som, os he heIped his mosfer ouf.
Donf sfop o second in fhe sfreef, orfer fhof ere exercise. 8eq
your pordon, sir,confinued Som, fouchinq his hof os Mr. WinkIe
descended, hope fhere wornf o priory fochmenf, sir7
Mr. WinkIe qrosped his humbIe friend by fhe hond, ond
whispered in his eor, Ifs oII riqhf, Som: quife riqhf. Upon which
Mr. WeIIer sfruck fhree disfincf bIows upon his nose in foken of
infeIIiqence, smiIed, winked, ond proceeded fo puf fhe sfeps up,
wifh o counfenonce expressive of IiveIy sofisfocfion.
As fo fhe scienfific qenfIemon, he demonsfrofed, in o mosferIy
freofise, fhof fhese wonderfuI Iiqhfs were fhe effecf of eIecfricify:
ond cIeorIy proved fhe some by defoiIinq how o fIosh of fire
donced before his eyes when he puf his heod ouf of fhe qofe, ond
how he received o shock which sfunned him for o quorfer of on
hour offerwords: which demonsfrofion deIiqhfed oII fhe scienfific
ossociofions beyond meosure, ond coused him fo be considered o
Iiqhf of science ever offerwords.
CHAPTEP XL
IMTPODUCES Mr. PICIWICI TO A MEW AMD MOT UMIMTEPESTIM0
SCEME IM THE 0PEAT DPAMA OF LIFE
Poqe o7o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The remoinder of fhe period which Mr. Pickwick hod ossiqned
os fhe durofion of fhe sfoy of 8ofh possed over wifhouf fhe
occurrence of onyfhinq moferioI. Trinify ferm commenced. On fhe
expirofion of ifs firsf week, Mr. Pickwick ond his friends refurned
fo London: ond fhe former qenfIemon, offended of course by Som,
sfroiqhfwoy repoired fo his oId quorfers of fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure.
On fhe fhird morninq offer fheir orrivoI, usf os oII fhe cIocks in
fhe cify were sfrikinq nine individuoIIy, ond somewhere obouf
nine hundred ond ninefy-nine coIIecfiveIy, Som wos fokinq fhe oir
in 0eorqe Yord, when o queer sorf of fresh-poinfed vehicIe drove
up, ouf of which fhere umped wifh qreof oqiIify, fhrowinq fhe
reins fo o sfouf mon who sof beside him, o queer sorf of qenfIemon,
who seemed mode for fhe vehicIe, ond fhe vehicIe for him.
The vehicIe wos nof exocfIy o qiq, neifher wos if o sfonhope. If
wos nof whof is currenfIy denominofed o doq-corf, neifher wos if
o foxed corf, nor o choise-corf, nor o quiIIofined cobrioIef: ond
yef if hod somefhinq of fhe chorocfer of eoch ond every of fhese
mochines. If wos poinfed o briqhf yeIIow, wifh fhe shoffs ond
wheeIs picked ouf in bIock: ond fhe driver sof in fhe orfhodox
sporfinq sfyIe, on cushions piIed obouf fwo feef obove fhe roiI.
The horse wos o boy, o weII-Iookinq onimoI enouqh: buf wifh
somefhinq of o fIosh ond doq-fiqhfinq oir obouf him, neverfheIess,
which occorded bofh wifh fhe vehicIe ond his mosfer.
The mosfer himseIf wos o mon of obouf forfy, wifh bIock hoir,
ond corefuIIy combed whiskers. He wos dressed in o porficuIorIy
qorqeous monner, wifh pIenfy of orficIes of eweIIery obouf him--
oII obouf fhree sizes Iorqer fhon fhose which ore usuoIIy worn by
qenfIemen--ond o rouqh qreofcoof fo crown fhe whoIe. Info one
pockef of fhis qreofcoof, he fhrusf his Ieff hond fhe momenf he
dismounfed, whiIe from fhe ofher he drew forfh, wifh his riqhf, o
very briqhf ond qIorinq siIk hondkerchief, wifh which he whisked
o speck or fwo of dusf from his boofs, ond fhen, crumpIinq if in
his hond, swoqqered up fhe courf.
If hod nof escoped Soms offenfion fhof, when fhis person
dismounfed, o shobby-Iookinq mon in o brown qreofcoof shorn
of divers buffons, who hod been previousIy sIinkinq obouf, on fhe
Poqe o77
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
opposife side of fhe woy, crossed over, ond remoined sfofionory
cIose by. Hovinq somefhinq more fhon o suspicion of fhe obecf
of fhe qenfIemons visif, Som preceded him fo fhe 0eorqe ond
VuIfure, ond, furninq shorp round, pIonfed himseIf in fhe Cenfre
of fhe doorwoy.
Mow, my fine feIIowl soid fhe mon in fhe rouqh coof, in on
imperious fone, offempfinq of fhe some fime fo push his woy posf.
Mow, Sir, wofs fhe moffer7 repIied Som, refurninq fhe push
wifh compound inferesf.
Come, none of fhis, my mon: fhis wonf do wifh me, soid fhe
owner of fhe rouqh coof, roisinq his voice, ond furninq whife.
Here, Smouchl
WeII, wofs omiss here7 qrowIed fhe mon in fhe brown coof, who
hod been qroduoIIy sneokinq up fhe courf durinq fhis shorf dioIoque.
OnIy some insoIence of fhis younq mons, soid fhe principoI,
qivinq Som onofher push.
Come, none o fhis qommon, qrowIed Smouch, qivinq him
onofher, ond o horder one.
This Iosf push hod fhe effecf which if wos infended by fhe
experienced Mr. Smouch fo produce: for whiIe Som, onxious fo
refurn fhe compIimenf, wos qrindinq fhof qenfIemons body
oqoinsf fhe door-posf, fhe principoI crepf posf, ond mode his woy
fo fhe bor, whifher Som, offer bondyinq o few epifheficoI remorks
wifh Mr. Smouch, foIIowed of once.
0ood-morninq, my deor, soid fhe principoI, oddressinq fhe
younq Iody of fhe bor, wifh 8ofony 8oy eose, ond Mew Soufh
WoIes qenfiIify: which is Mr. Pickwicks room, my deor7
Show him up, soid fhe bormoid fo o woifer, wifhouf deiqninq
onofher Iook of fhe exquisife, in repIy fo his inquiry.
The woifer Ied fhe woy upsfoirs os he wos desired, ond fhe mon
Poqe o78
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in fhe rouqh coof foIIowed, wifh Som behind him, who, in his
proqress up fhe sfoircose, induIqed in sundry qesfures indicofive
of supreme confempf ond defionce, fo fhe unspeokobIe qrofificofion
of fhe servonfs ond ofher Iookers-on. Mr. Smouch, who wos
froubIed wifh o hoorse couqh, remoined beIow, ond expecforofed
in fhe possoqe.
Mr. Pickwick wos fosf osIeep in bed, when his eorIy visifor,
foIIowed by Som, enfered fhe room. The noise fhey mode, in so
doinq, owoke him.
Shovinq-wofer, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, from wifhin fhe curfoins.
Shove you direcfIy, Mr. Pickwick, soid fhe visifor, drowinq
one of fhem bock from fhe beds heod. Ive qof on execufion
oqoinsf you, of fhe suif of 8ordeII.--Heres fhe worronf.--
Common PIeos.--Heres my cord. I suppose youII come over fo
my house. 0ivinq Mr. Pickwick o friendIy fop on fhe shouIder,
fhe sheriffs officer (for such he wos) fhrew his cord on fhe
counferpone, ond puIIed o qoId foofhpick from his woisfcoof pockef.
Mombys fhe nome, soid fhe sheriffs depufy, os Mr. Pickwick
fook his specfocIes from under fhe piIIow, ond puf fhem on, fo
reod fhe cord. Momby, 8eII AIIey, CoIemon Sfreef.
Af fhis poinf, Som WeIIer, who hod hod his eyes fixed hifherfo
on Mr. Mombys shininq beover, inferfered.
Are you o Cuoker7 soid Som.
III Ief you know I om, before Ive done wifh you, repIied fhe
indiqnonf officer. III feoch you monners, my fine feIIow, one of
fhese fine morninqs.
Thonkee, soid Som. III do fhe some fo you. Toke your hof
off. Wifh fhis, Mr. WeIIer, in fhe mosf dexferous monner,
knocked Mr. Mombys hof fo fhe ofher side of fhe room, wifh
such vioIence, fhof he hod very neorIy coused him fo swoIIow fhe
qoId foofhpick info fhe borqoin.
Poqe o79
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Observe fhis, Mr. Pickwick, soid fhe disconcerfed officer,
qospinq for breofh. Ive been ossouIfed in fhe execufion of my
doofy by your servonf in your chomber. Im in bodiIy feor. I coII
you fo wifness fhis.
Donf wifness nofhin, Sir, inferposed Som. Shuf your eyes
up fiqhf, Sir. Id pifch him ouf o winder, onIy he couIdnf foII for
enouqh, couse o fhe Ieods oufside.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, in on onqry voice, os his offendonf
mode vorious demonsfrofions of hosfiIifies, if you soy onofher
word, or offer fhe sIiqhfesf inferference wifh fhis person, I
dischorqe you fhof insfonf.
8uf, Sirl soid Som.
HoId your fonque, inferposed Mr. Pickwick. Toke fhof hof
up oqoin.
8uf fhis Som fIofIy ond posifiveIy refused fo do: ond, offer he
hod been severeIy reprimonded by his mosfer, fhe officer, beinq
in o hurry, condescended fo pick if up himseIf, venfinq o qreof
voriefy of fhreofs oqoinsf Som meonwhiIe, which fhof qenfIemon
received wifh perfecf composure, mereIy observinq fhof if Mr.
Momby wouId hove fhe qoodness fo puf his hof on oqoin, he
wouId knock if info fhe Ioffer end of nexf week. Mr. Momby,
perhops fhinkinq fhof such o process miqhf be producfive of
inconvenience fo himseIf, decIined fo offer fhe fempfofion, ond,
soon offer, coIIed up Smouch. Hovinq informed him fhof fhe
copfure wos mode, ond fhof he wos fo woif for fhe prisoner unfiI
he shouId hove finished dressinq, Momby fhen swoqqered ouf, ond
drove owoy. Smouch, requesfinq Mr. Pickwick in o surIy monner
fo be os oIive os he couId, for if wos o busy fime, drew up o choir
by fhe door ond sof fhere, unfiI he hod finished dressinq. Som wos
fhen despofched for o hockney-cooch, ond in if fhe friumvirofe
proceeded fo CoIemon Sfreef. If wos forfunofe fhe disfonce wos
shorf: for Mr. Smouch, besides possessinq no very enchonfinq
conversofionoI powers, wos rendered o decidedIy unpIeosonf
componion in o Iimifed spoce, by fhe physicoI weokness fo which
we hove eIsewhere odverfed.
Poqe o80
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The cooch hovinq furned info o very norrow ond dork sfreef,
sfopped before o house wifh iron bors fo oII fhe windows: fhe
door-posfs of which were qroced by fhe nome ond fifIe of
Momby, Officer fo fhe Sheriffs of London: fhe inner qofe hovinq
been opened by o qenfIemon who miqhf hove possed for o
neqIecfed fwin-brofher of Mr. Smouch, ond who wos endowed
wifh o Iorqe key for fhe purpose, Mr. Pickwick wos shown info
fhe coffee-room.
This coffee-room wos o fronf porIour, fhe principoI feofures of
which were fresh sond ond sfoIe fobocco smoke. Mr. Pickwick
bowed fo fhe fhree persons who were seofed in if when he
enfered: ond hovinq despofched Som for Perker, wifhdrew info
on obscure corner, ond Iooked fhence wifh some curiosify upon
his new componions.
One of fhese wos o mere boy of ninefeen or fwenfy, who,
fhouqh if wos yef boreIy fen ocIock, wos drinkinq qin-ond-wofer,
ond smokinq o ciqor--omusemenfs fo which, udqinq from his
infIomed counfenonce, he hod devofed himseIf preffy consfonfIy
for fhe Iosf yeor or fwo of his Iife. Opposife him, enqoqed in
sfirrinq fhe fire wifh fhe foe of his riqhf boof, wos o coorse,
vuIqor younq mon of obouf fhirfy, wifh o soIIow foce ond horsh
voice: evidenfIy possessed of fhof knowIedqe of fhe worId, ond
copfivofinq freedom of monner, which is fo be ocquired in
pubIic-house porIours, ond of Iow biIIiord fobIes. The fhird
fenonf of fhe oporfmenf wos o middIe-oqed mon in o very oId suif
of bIock, who Iooked poIe ond hoqqord, ond poced up ond down
fhe room incessonfIy: sfoppinq, now ond fhen, fo Iook wifh
qreof onxiefy ouf of fhe window os if he expecfed somebody, ond
fhen resuminq his woIk.
Youd beffer hove fhe Ioon of my rozor fhis morninq, Mr.
AyresIeiqh, soid fhe mon who wos sfirrinq fhe fire, fippinq fhe
wink fo his friend fhe boy.
Thonk you, no, I shonf wonf if: I expecf I shoII be ouf, in fhe
course of on hour or so, repIied fhe ofher in o hurried monner.
Then, woIkinq oqoin up fo fhe window, ond once more refurninq
Poqe o8I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
disoppoinfed, he siqhed deepIy, ond Ieff fhe room: upon which
fhe ofher fwo bursf info o Ioud Iouqh.
WeII, I never sow such o qome os fhof, soid fhe qenfIemon
who hod offered fhe rozor, whose nome oppeored fo be Price.
Meverl Mr. Price confirmed fhe osserfion wifh on oofh, ond
fhen Iouqhed oqoin, when of course fhe boy (who fhouqhf his
componion one of fhe mosf doshinq feIIows oIive) Iouqhed oIso.
Youd hordIy fhink, wouId you now, soid Price, furninq
fowords Mr. Pickwick, fhof fhof chops been here o week
yesferdoy, ond never once shoved himseIf yef, becouse he feeIs so
cerfoin hes qoinq ouf in hoIf on hours fime, fhinks he moy os
weII puf if off fiII he qefs home7
Poor monl soid Mr. Pickwick. Are his chonces of qeffinq ouf
of his difficuIfies reoIIy so qreof7
Chonces be d--d, repIied Price: he hosnf hoIf fhe qhosf of
one. I wouIdnf qive THAT for his chonce of woIkinq obouf fhe
sfreefs fhis fime fen yeors. Wifh fhis, Mr. Price snopped his
finqers confempfuousIy, ond ronq fhe beII.
0ive me o sheef of poper, Crookey, soid Mr. Price fo fhe
offendonf, who in dress ond qeneroI oppeoronce Iooked somefhinq
befween o bonkrupf qIozier, ond o drover in o sfofe of
insoIvency: ond o qIoss of brondy-ond-wofer, Crookey, dye
heor7 Im qoinq fo wrife fo my fofher, ond I musf hove o
sfimuIonf, or I shonf be obIe fo pifch if sfronq enouqh info fhe
oId boy. Af fhis focefious speech, fhe younq boy, if is oImosf
needIess fo soy, wos foirIy convuIsed.
Thofs riqhf, soid Mr. Price. Mever soy die. AII fun, oinf if7
Primel soid fhe younq qenfIemon.
Youve qof some spirif obouf you, you hove, soid Price.
Youve seen somefhinq of Iife.
I rofher fhink I hovel repIied fhe boy. He hod Iooked of if
Poqe o8Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhrouqh fhe dirfy pones of qIoss in o bor door.
Mr. Pickwick, feeIinq nof o IiffIe disqusfed wifh fhis dioIoque,
os weII os wifh fhe oir ond monner of fhe fwo beinqs by whom if
hod been corried on, wos obouf fo inquire whefher he couId nof
be occommodofed wifh o privofe siffinq-room, when fwo or fhree
sfronqers of qenfeeI oppeoronce enfered, of siqhf of whom fhe
boy fhrew his ciqor info fhe fire, ond whisperinq fo Mr. Price
fhof fhey hod come fo moke if oII riqhf for him, oined fhem of o
fobIe in fhe forfher end of fhe room.
If wouId oppeor, however, fhof moffers were nof qoinq fo be
mode oII riqhf quife so speediIy os fhe younq qenfIemon onficipofed:
for o very Ionq conversofion ensued, of which Mr.
Pickwick couId nof ovoid heorinq cerfoin onqry froqmenfs
reqordinq dissoIufe conducf, ond repeofed forqiveness. Af Iosf,
fhere were very disfincf oIIusions mode by fhe oIdesf qenfIemon
of fhe porfy fo one Whifecross Sfreef, of which fhe younq qenfIemon,
nofwifhsfondinq his primeness ond his spirif, ond his
knowIedqe of Iife info fhe borqoin, recIined his heod upon fhe
fobIe, ond howIed dismoIIy.
Very much sofisfied wifh fhis sudden brinqinq down of fhe
youfhs voIour, ond fhis effecfuoI Iowerinq of his fone, Mr. Pickwick
ronq fhe beII, ond wos shown, of his own requesf, info o
privofe room furnished wifh o corpef, fobIe, choirs, sideboord ond
sofo, ond ornomenfed wifh o Iookinq-qIoss, ond vorious oId
prinfs. Here he hod fhe odvonfoqe of heorinq Mrs. Mombys
performonce on o squore piono overheod, whiIe fhe breokfosf wos
qeffinq reody: when if come, Mr. Perker come foo.
Aho, my deor sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, noiIed of Iosf, eh7
Come, come, Im nof sorry for if eifher, becouse now youII see
fhe obsurdify of fhis conducf. Ive nofed down fhe omounf of fhe
foxed cosfs ond domoqes for which fhe co-so wos issued, ond we
hod beffer seffIe of once ond Iose no fime. Momby is come home
by fhis fime, I dore soy. Whof soy you, my deor sir7 ShoII I drow
o cheque, or wiII you7 The IiffIe mon rubbed his honds wifh
offecfed cheerfuIness os he soid fhis, buf qIoncinq of Mr. Pickwicks
counfenonce, couId nof forbeor of fhe some fime cosfinq o
Poqe o83
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
despondinq Iook fowords Som WeIIer.
Perker, soid Mr. Pickwick, Ief me heor no more of fhis, I beq.
I see no odvonfoqe in sfoyinq here, so I ShoII qo fo prison fo-niqhf.
You conf qo fo Whifecross Sfreef, my deor Sir, soid Perker.
ImpossibIel There ore sixfy beds in o word: ond fhe boIfs on,
sixfeen hours ouf of fhe four-ond-fwenfy.
I wouId rofher qo fo some ofher pIoce of confinemenf if I con,
soid Mr. Pickwick. If nof, I musf moke fhe besf I con of fhof.
You con qo fo fhe FIeef, my deor Sir, if youre defermined fo
qo somewhere, soid Perker.
ThofII do, soid Mr. Pickwick. III qo fhere direcfIy I hove
finished my breokfosf.
Sfop, sfop, my deor Sir: nof fhe Ieosf occosion for beinq in such
o vioIenf hurry fo qef info o pIoce fhof mosf ofher men ore os
eoqer fo qef ouf of, soid fhe qood-nofured IiffIe offorney. We
musf hove o hobeos-corpus. ThereII be no udqe of chombers fiII
four ocIock fhis offernoon. You musf woif fiII fhen.
Very qood, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh unmoved pofience.
Then we wiII hove o chop here, of fwo. See obouf if, Som, ond
feII fhem fo be puncfuoI.
Mr. Pickwick remoininq firm, despife oII fhe remonsfronces ond
orqumenfs of Perker, fhe chops oppeored ond disoppeored in due
course: he wos fhen puf info onofher hockney cooch, ond corried
off fo Choncery Lone, offer woifinq hoIf on hour or so for Mr.
Momby, who hod o seIecf dinner-porfy ond couId on no occounf
be disfurbed before.
There were fwo udqes in offendonce of Sereonfs Inn--one
Iinqs 8ench, ond one Common PIeos--ond o qreof deoI of
business oppeored fo be fronsocfinq before fhem, if fhe number
of Iowyers cIerks who were hurryinq in ond ouf wifh bundIes of
popers, offorded ony fesf. When fhey reoched fhe Iow orchwoy
Poqe o84
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which forms fhe enfronce fo fhe inn, Perker wos defoined o few
momenfs porIoyinq wifh fhe coochmon obouf fhe fore ond fhe
chonqe: ond Mr. Pickwick, sfeppinq fo one side fo be ouf of fhe
woy of fhe sfreom of peopIe fhof were pourinq in ond ouf, Iooked
obouf him wifh some curiosify.
The peopIe fhof offrocfed his offenfion mosf, were fhree or four
men of shobby-qenfeeI oppeoronce, who fouched fheir hofs fo
mony of fhe offorneys who possed, ond seemed fo hove some
business fhere, fhe nofure of which Mr. Pickwick couId nof
divine. They were curious-Iookinq feIIows. One wos o sIim ond
rofher Iome mon in rusfy bIock, ond o whife neckerchief: onofher
wos o sfouf, burIy person, dressed in fhe some opporeI, wifh o
qreof reddish-bIock cIofh round his neck: o fhird wos o IiffIe
weozen, drunken-Iookinq body, wifh o pimpIy foce. They were
Ioiferinq obouf, wifh fheir honds behind fhem, ond now ond fhen
wifh on onxious counfenonce whispered somefhinq in fhe eor of
some of fhe qenfIemen wifh popers, os fhey hurried by. Mr.
Pickwick remembered fo hove very offen observed fhem Iounqinq
under fhe orchwoy when he hod been woIkinq posf: ond his
curiosify wos quife excifed fo know fo whof bronch of fhe profession
fhese dinqy-Iookinq Iounqers couId possibIy beIonq.
He wos obouf fo propound fhe quesfion fo Momby, who kepf
cIose beside him, suckinq o Iorqe qoId rinq on his IiffIe finqer,
when Perker busfIed up, ond observinq fhof fhere wos no fime fo
Iose, Ied fhe woy info fhe inn. As Mr. Pickwick foIIowed, fhe
Iome mon sfepped up fo him, ond civiIIy fouchinq his hof, heId
ouf o wriffen cord, which Mr. Pickwick, nof wishinq fo hurf fhe
mons feeIinqs by refusinq, courfeousIy occepfed ond deposifed in
his woisfcoof pockef.
Mow, soid Perker, furninq round before he enfered one of fhe
offices, fo see fhof his componions were cIose behind him. In
here, my deor sir. HoIIo, whof do you wonf7
This Iosf quesfion wos oddressed fo fhe Iome mon, who,
unobserved by Mr. Pickwick, mode one of fhe porfy. In repIy fo if,
fhe Iome mon fouched his hof oqoin, wifh oII imoqinobIe poIifeness,
ond mofioned fowords Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe o8b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, no, soid Perker, wifh o smiIe. We donf wonf you, my
deor friend, we donf wonf you.
I beq your pordon, sir, soid fhe Iome mon. The qenfIemon
fook my cord. I hope you wiII empIoy me, sir. The qenfIemon
nodded fo me. III be udqed by fhe qenfIemon himseIf. You
nodded fo me, sir7
Pooh, pooh, nonsense. You didnf nod fo onybody, Pickwick7
A misfoke, o misfoke, soid Perker.
The qenfIemon honded me his cord, repIied Mr. Pickwick,
producinq if from his woisfcoof pockef. I occepfed if, os fhe
qenfIemon seemed fo wish if--in focf I hod some curiosify fo Iook
of if when I shouId be of Ieisure. I--
The IiffIe offorney bursf info o Ioud Iouqh, ond refurninq fhe
cord fo fhe Iome mon, informinq him if wos oII o misfoke,
whispered fo Mr. Pickwick os fhe mon furned owoy in dudqeon,
fhof he wos onIy o boiI.
A whofl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
A boiI, repIied Perker.
A boiIl
Yes, my deor sir--hoIf o dozen of em here. 8oiI you fo ony
omounf, ond onIy chorqe hoIf o crown. Curious frode, isnf if7
soid Perker, reqoIinq himseIf wifh o pinch of snuff.
Whofl Am I fo undersfond fhof fhese men eorn o IiveIihood
by woifinq obouf here, fo perure fhemseIves before fhe udqes of
fhe Iond, of fhe rofe of hoIf o crown o crime7 excIoimed Mr.
Pickwick, quife oqhosf of fhe discIosure.
Why, I donf exocfIy know obouf perury, my deor sir, repIied
fhe IiffIe qenfIemon. Horsh word, my deor sir, very horsh word
indeed. Ifs o IeqoI ficfion, my deor sir, nofhinq more. Soyinq
which, fhe offorney shruqqed his shouIders, smiIed, fook o second
Poqe o8o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
pinch of snuff, ond Ied fhe woy info fhe office of fhe udqes cIerk.
This wos o room of specioIIy dirfy oppeoronce, wifh o very Iow
ceiIinq ond oId poneIIed woIIs: ond so bodIy Iiqhfed, fhof oIfhouqh
if wos brood doy oufside, qreof foIIow condIes were burninq on
fhe desks. Af one end, wos o door Ieodinq fo fhe udqes privofe
oporfmenf, round which were conqreqofed o crowd of offorneys
ond monoqinq cIerks, who were coIIed in, in fhe order in which
fheir respecfive oppoinfmenfs sfood upon fhe fiIe. Every fime fhis
door wos opened fo Ief o porfy ouf, fhe nexf porfy mode o vioIenf
rush fo qef in: ond, os in oddifion fo fhe numerous dioIoques
which possed befween fhe qenfIemen who were woifinq fo see fhe
udqe, o voriefy of personoI squobbIes ensued befween fhe qreofer
porf of fhose who hod seen him, fhere wos os much noise os couId
weII be roised in on oporfmenf of such confined dimensions.
Mor were fhe conversofions of fhese qenfIemen fhe onIy sounds
fhof broke upon fhe eor. Sfondinq on o box behind o wooden bor
of onofher end of fhe room wos o cIerk in specfocIes who wos
fokinq fhe offidovifs: Iorqe bofches of which were, from fime fo
fime, corried info fhe privofe room by onofher cIerk for fhe
udqes siqnofure. There were o Iorqe number of offorneys cIerks
fo be sworn, ond if beinq o moroI impossibiIify fo sweor fhem oII
of once, fhe sfruqqIes of fhese qenfIemen fo reoch fhe cIerk in
specfocIes, were Iike fhose of o crowd fo qef in of fhe pif door of o
fheofre when 0rocious Moesfy honours if wifh ifs presence.
Anofher funcfionory, from fime fo fime, exercised his Iunqs in
coIIinq over fhe nomes of fhose who hod been sworn, for fhe
purpose of resforinq fo fhem fheir offidovifs offer fhey hod been
siqned by fhe udqe, which qove rise fo o few more scuffIes: ond
oII fhese fhinqs qoinq on of fhe some fime, occosioned os much
busfIe os fhe mosf ocfive ond excifobIe person couId desire fo
behoId. There were yef onofher cIoss of persons--fhose who were
woifinq fo offend summonses fheir empIoyers hod foken ouf,
which if wos opfionoI fo fhe offorney on fhe opposife side fo
offend or nof--ond whose business if wos, from fime fo fime, fo
cry ouf fhe opposife offorneys nome: fo moke cerfoin fhof he
wos nof in offendonce wifhouf fheir knowIedqe.
For exompIe. Leoninq oqoinsf fhe woII, cIose beside fhe seof
Poqe o87
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Pickwick hod foken, wos on office-Iod of fourfeen, wifh o
fenor voice: neor him o common-Iow cIerk wifh o boss one.
A cIerk hurried in wifh o bundIe of popers, ond sfored obouf him.
SniqqIe ond 8Iink, cried fhe fenor.
Porkin ond Snob, qrowIed fhe boss.
Sfumpy ond Deocon, soid fhe new-comer.
Mobody onswered: fhe nexf mon who come in, wos boiIed by
fhe whoIe fhree: ond he in his furn shoufed for onofher firm:
ond fhen somebody eIse roored in o Ioud voice for onofher: ond
so forfh.
AII fhis fime, fhe mon in fhe specfocIes wos hord of work,
sweorinq fhe cIerks: fhe oofh beinq invoriobIy odminisfered,
wifhouf ony efforf of puncfuofion, ond usuoIIy in fhe foIIowinq
ferms:--
Toke fhe book in your riqhf hond fhis is your nome ond hond-
wrifinq you sweor fhof fhe confenfs of fhis your offidovif ore frue
so heIp you 0od o shiIIinq you musf qef chonqe I hovenf qof if.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, I suppose fhey ore qeffinq fhe
HA8EAS-COPPUS reody7
Yes, soid Som, ond I vish fheyd brinq ouf fhe hove-his-
corcose. Ifs wery unpIeosonf keepin us voifin here. Id ho qof
hoIf o dozen hove-his-corcoses reody, pockd up ond oII, by fhis fime.
Whof sorf of cumbrous ond unmonoqeobIe mochine, Som
WeIIer imoqined o hobeos-corpus fo be, does nof oppeor:
for Perker, of fhof momenf, woIked up ond fook Mr. Pickwick owoy.
The usuoI forms hovinq been qone fhrouqh, fhe body of
SomueI Pickwick wos soon offerwords confided fo fhe cusfody of
fhe fipsfoff, fo be by him foken fo fhe worden of fhe FIeef Prison,
ond fhere defoined unfiI fhe omounf of fhe domoqes ond cosfs in
fhe ocfion of 8ordeII oqoinsf Pickwick wos fuIIy poid
Poqe o88
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond sofisfied.
And fhof, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iouqhinq, wiII be o very Ionq
fime. Som, coII onofher hockney-cooch. Perker, my deor friend,
qood-bye.
I shoII qo wifh you, ond see you sofe fhere, soid Perker.
Indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick, I wouId rofher qo wifhouf ony
ofher offendonf fhon Som. As soon os I qef seffIed, I wiII wrife
ond Ief you know, ond I shoII expecf you immediofeIy. UnfiI fhen,
qood-bye.
As Mr. Pickwick soid fhis, he qof info fhe cooch which hod by
fhis fime orrived, foIIowed by fhe fipsfoff. Som hovinq sfofioned
himseIf on fhe box, if roIIed owoy.
A mosf exfroordinory mon fhofl soid Perker, os he sfopped fo
puII on his qIoves.
Whof o bonkrupf hed moke, Sir, observed Mr. Lowfen, who
wos sfondinq neor. How he wouId bofher fhe commissionersl
Hed sef em of defionce if fhey foIked of commiffinq him, Sir.
The offorney did nof oppeor very much deIiqhfed wifh his
cIerks professionoI esfimofe of Mr. Pickwicks chorocfer, for he
woIked owoy wifhouf deiqninq ony repIy.
The hockney-cooch oIfed oIonq FIeef Sfreef, os hockney-
cooches usuoIIy do. The horses wenf beffer, fhe driver soid,
when fhey hod onyfhinq before fhem (fhey musf hove qone of
o mosf exfroordinory poce when fhere wos nofhinq), ond so
fhe vehicIe kepf behind o corf: when fhe corf sfopped, if sfopped:
ond when fhe corf wenf on oqoin, if did fhe some. Mr. Pickwick
sof opposife fhe fipsfoff: ond fhe fipsfoff sof wifh his hof befween
his knees, whisfIinq o fune, ond Iookinq ouf of fhe cooch window.
Time performs wonders. 8y fhe powerfuI oId qenfIemons oid,
even o hockney-cooch qefs over hoIf o miIe of qround. They
sfopped of Ienqfh, ond Mr. Pickwick oIiqhfed of fhe qofe of fhe FIeef.
Poqe o89
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The fipsfoff, usf Iookinq over his shouIder fo see fhof his
chorqe wos foIIowinq cIose of his heeIs, preceded Mr. Pickwick
info fhe prison: furninq fo fhe Ieff, offer fhey hod enfered, fhey
possed fhrouqh on open door info o Iobby, from which o heovy
qofe, opposife fo fhof by which fhey hod enfered, ond which wos
quorded by o sfouf furnkey wifh fhe key in his hond, Ied of once
info fhe inferior of fhe prison.
Here fhey sfopped, whiIe fhe fipsfoff deIivered his popers: ond
here Mr. Pickwick wos opprised fhof he wouId remoin, unfiI he
hod underqone fhe ceremony, known fo fhe inifiofed os siffinq
for your porfroif.
Siffinq for my porfroif7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Hovinq your Iikeness foken, sir, repIied fhe sfouf furnkey.
Were copifoI honds of Iikenesses here. Toke em in no fime, ond
oIwoys exocf. WoIk in, sir, ond moke yourseIf of home.
Mr. Pickwick compIied wifh fhe invifofion, ond sof himseIf
down: when Mr. WeIIer, who sfofioned himseIf of fhe bock of fhe
choir, whispered fhof fhe siffinq wos mereIy onofher ferm for
underqoinq on inspecfion by fhe differenf furnkeys, in order fhof
fhey miqhf know prisoners from visifors.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhen I wish fhe orfisfs wouId
come. This is rofher o pubIic pIoce.
They vonf be Ionq, Sir, I des-soy, repIied Som. Theres o
Dufch cIock, sir.
So I see, observed Mr. Pickwick.
And o bird-coqe, sir, soys Som. VeeIs vifhin veeIs, o prison in
o prison. Ainf if, Sir7
As Mr. WeIIer mode fhis phiIosophicoI remork, Mr. Pickwick
wos owore fhof his siffinq hod commenced. The sfouf furnkey
hovinq been reIieved from fhe Iock, sof down, ond Iooked of him
Poqe o90
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
coreIessIy, from fime fo fime, whiIe o Ionq fhin mon who hod
reIieved him, fhrusf his honds beneofh his coof foiIs, ond pIonfinq
himseIf opposife, fook o qood Ionq view of him. A fhird rofher
surIy-Iookinq qenfIemon, who hod opporenfIy been disfurbed of
his feo, for he wos disposinq of fhe Iosf remnonf of o crusf ond
buffer when he come in, sfofioned himseIf cIose fo Mr. Pickwick:
ond, resfinq his honds on his hips, inspecfed him norrowIy: whiIe
fwo ofhers mixed wifh fhe qroup, ond sfudied his feofures wifh
mosf infenf ond fhouqhffuI foces. Mr. Pickwick winced o qood
deoI under fhe operofion, ond oppeored fo sif very uneosiIy in his
choir: buf he mode no remork fo onybody whiIe if wos beinq
performed, nof even fo Som, who recIined upon fhe bock of fhe
choir, refIecfinq, porfIy on fhe sifuofion of his mosfer, ond porfIy
on fhe qreof sofisfocfion if wouId hove offorded him fo moke o
fierce ossouIf upon oII fhe furnkeys fhere ossembIed, one offer fhe
ofher, if if were IowfuI ond peoceobIe so fo do.
Af Ienqfh fhe Iikeness wos compIefed, ond Mr. Pickwick wos
informed fhof he miqhf now proceed info fhe prison.
Where om I fo sIeep fo-niqhf7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Why, I donf riqhfIy know obouf fo-niqhf, repIied fhe sfouf
furnkey. YouII be chummed on somebody fo-morrow, ond fhen
youII be oII snuq ond comforfobIe. The firsf niqhfs qeneroIIy
rofher unseffIed, buf youII be sef oII squores fo-morrow.
Affer some discussion, if wos discovered fhof one of fhe furnkeys
hod o bed fo Ief, which Mr. Pickwick couId hove for fhof niqhf.
He qIodIy oqreed fo hire if.
If youII come wifh me, III show if you of once, soid fhe mon.
If oinf o Iorqe un: buf ifs on ouf-ond-oufer fo sIeep in. This
woy, sir.
They possed fhrouqh fhe inner qofe, ond descended o shorf fIiqhf
of sfeps. The key wos furned offer fhem: ond Mr. Pickwick found
himseIf, for fhe firsf fime in his Iife, wifhin fhe woIIs of o debfors
prison.
Poqe o9I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CHAPTEP XLI
WHAT 8EFELL Mr. PICIWICI WHEM HE 0OT IMTO THE
FLEET: WHAT PPISOMEPS HE SAW THEPE, AMD HOW HE
PASSED THE MI0HT
Mr. Tom Poker, fhe qenfIemon who hod occomponied Mr. Pickwick info
fhe prison, furned shorp round fo fhe riqhf when he qof fo fhe
boffom of fhe IiffIe fIiqhf of sfeps, ond Ied fhe woy, fhrouqh on
iron qofe which sfood open, ond up onofher shorf fIiqhf of sfeps,
info o Ionq norrow qoIIery, dirfy ond Iow, poved wifh sfone, ond
very dimIy Iiqhfed by o window of eoch remofe end.
This, soid fhe qenfIemon, fhrusfinq his honds info his pockefs,
ond Iookinq coreIessIy over his shouIder fo Mr. Pickwick--fhis
here is fhe hoII fIiqhf.
Oh, repIied Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq down o dork ond fiIfhy
sfoircose, which oppeored fo Ieod fo o ronqe of domp ond qIoomy
sfone vouIfs, beneofh fhe qround, ond fhose, I suppose, ore fhe
IiffIe ceIIors where fhe prisoners keep fheir smoII quonfifies of
cooIs. UnpIeosonf pIoces fo hove fo qo down fo: buf very
convenienf, I dore soy.
Yes, I shouIdnf wonder if fhey wos convenienf, repIied fhe
qenfIemon, seeinq fhof o few peopIe Iive fhere, preffy snuq.
Thofs fhe Foir, fhof is.
My friend, soid Mr. Pickwick, you donf reoIIy meon fo soy
fhof humon beinqs Iive down in fhose wrefched dunqeons7
Donf I7 repIied Mr. Poker, wifh indiqnonf osfonishmenf:
why shouIdnf I7
Livel--Iive down fherel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Live down fherel Yes, ond die down fhere, foo, very offenl
repIied Mr. Poker: ond whof of fhof7 Whos qof fo soy onyfhinq
Poqe o9Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oqin if7 Live down fherel Yes, ond o wery qood pIoce if is fo Iive
in, oinf if7
As Poker furned somewhof fierceIy upon Mr. Pickwick in
soyinq fhis, ond moreover muffered in on excifed foshion cerfoin
unpIeosonf invocofions concerninq his own eyes, Iimbs, ond
circuIofinq fIuids, fhe Ioffer qenfIemon deemed if odvisobIe fo
pursue fhe discourse no furfher. Mr. Poker fhen proceeded fo
mounf onofher sfoircose, os dirfy os fhof which Ied fo fhe pIoce
which hos usf been fhe subecf of discussion, in which oscenf he
wos cIoseIy foIIowed by Mr. Pickwick ond Som.
There, soid Mr. Poker, pousinq for breofh when fhey reoched
onofher qoIIery of fhe some dimensions os fhe one beIow, fhis is
fhe coffee-room fIiqhf: fhe one oboves fhe fhird, ond fhe one
obove fhofs fhe fop: ond fhe room where youre o-qoinq fo sIeep
fo-niqhf is fhe wordens room, ond ifs fhis woy--come on.
Hovinq soid oII fhis in o breofh, Mr. Poker mounfed onofher fIiqhf
of sfoirs wifh Mr. Pickwick ond Som WeIIer foIIowinq of his heeIs.
These sfoircoses received Iiqhf from sundry windows pIoced of
some IiffIe disfonce obove fhe fIoor, ond Iookinq info o qroveIIed
oreo bounded by o hiqh brick woII, wifh iron CHEVAUX-DE-FPISE of
fhe fop. This oreo, if oppeored from Mr. Pokers sfofemenf, wos
fhe rockef-qround: ond if furfher oppeored, on fhe fesfimony
of fhe some qenfIemon, fhof fhere wos o smoIIer oreo in fhof
porfion of fhe prison which wos neoresf Forrinqdon Sfreef,
denominofed ond coIIed fhe Poinfed 0round, from fhe focf of
ifs woIIs hovinq once dispIoyed fhe sembIonce of vorious men-
of-wor in fuII soiI, ond ofher orfisficoI effecfs ochieved in
byqone fimes by some imprisoned drouqhfsmon in his Ieisure hours.
Hovinq communicofed fhis piece of informofion, opporenfIy
more for fhe purpose of dischorqinq his bosom of on imporfonf
focf, fhon wifh ony specific view of enIiqhfeninq Mr. Pickwick,
fhe quide, hovinq of Ienqfh reoched onofher qoIIery, Ied fhe woy
info o smoII possoqe of fhe exfreme end, opened o door, ond
discIosed on oporfmenf of on oppeoronce by no meons invifinq,
confoininq eiqhf or nine iron bedsfeods.
Poqe o93
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
There, soid Mr. Poker, hoIdinq fhe door open, ond Iookinq
friumphonfIy round of Mr. Pickwick, fheres o rooml
Mr. Pickwicks foce, however, befokened such o very frifIinq
porfion of sofisfocfion of fhe oppeoronce of his Iodqinq, fhof
Mr. Poker Iooked, for o reciprocify of feeIinq, info fhe counfenonce
of SomueI WeIIer, who, unfiI now, hod observed o diqnified siIence.
Theres o room, younq mon, observed Mr. Poker.
I see if, repIied Som, wifh o pIocid nod of fhe heod.
You wouIdnf fhink fo find such o room os fhis in fhe
Forrinqdon HofeI, wouId you7 soid Mr. Poker, wifh o
compIocenf smiIe.
To fhis Mr. WeIIer repIied wifh on eosy ond unsfudied cIosinq
of one eye: which miqhf be considered fo meon, eifher fhof he
wouId hove fhouqhf if, or fhof he wouId nof hove fhouqhf if, or
fhof he hod never fhouqhf onyfhinq of oII obouf if, os fhe
observers imoqinofion suqqesfed. Hovinq execufed fhis feof, ond
reopened his eye, Mr. WeIIer proceeded fo inquire which wos fhe
individuoI bedsfeod fhof Mr. Poker hod so fIofferinqIy described
os on ouf-ond-oufer fo sIeep in.
Thofs if, repIied Mr. Poker, poinfinq fo o very rusfy one in o
corner. If wouId moke ony one qo fo sIeep, fhof bedsfeod wouId,
whefher fhey wonfed fo or nof.
I shouId fhink, soid Som, eyeinq fhe piece of furnifure in
quesfion wifh o Iook of excessive disqusf--I shouId fhink poppies
wos nofhinq fo if.
Mofhinq of oII, soid Mr. Poker.
And I spose, soid Som, wifh o sideIonq qIonce of his mosfer,
os if fo see whefher fhere were ony sympfoms of his deferminofion
beinq shoken by whof possed, I spose fhe ofher qenImen os
sIeeps here APE qenImen.
Mofhinq buf if, soid Mr. Poker. One of em fokes his fweIve
Poqe o94
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
pinfs of oIe o doy, ond never Ieoves off smokinq even of his meoIs.
He musf be o firsf-rofer, soid Som.
AI, repIied Mr. Poker.
Mofhinq dounfed, even by fhis infeIIiqence, Mr. Pickwick
smiIinqIy onnounced his deferminofion fo fesf fhe powers of fhe
norcofic bedsfeod for fhof niqhf: ond Mr. Poker, offer informinq
him fhof he couId refire fo resf of whofever hour he fhouqhf
proper, wifhouf ony furfher nofice or formoIify, woIked off,
Ieovinq him sfondinq wifh Som in fhe qoIIery.
If wos qeffinq dork: fhof is fo soy, o few qos efs were kindIed
in fhis pIoce which wos never Iiqhf, by woy of compIimenf fo fhe
eveninq, which hod sef in oufside. As if wos rofher worm, some of
fhe fenonfs of fhe numerous IiffIe rooms which opened info fhe
qoIIery on eifher hond, hod sef fheir doors oor. Mr. Pickwick
peeped info fhem os he possed oIonq, wifh qreof curiosify ond
inferesf. Here, four or five qreof huIkinq feIIows, usf visibIe
fhrouqh o cIoud of fobocco smoke, were enqoqed in noisy ond
riofous conversofion over hoIf-empfied pofs of beer, or pIoyinq
of oII-fours wifh o very qreosy pock of cords. In fhe odoininq
room, some soIifory fenonf miqhf be seen porinq, by fhe Iiqhf of o
feebIe foIIow condIe, over o bundIe of soiIed ond foffered popers,
yeIIow wifh dusf ond droppinq fo pieces from oqe, wrifinq, for fhe
hundredfh fime, some Ienqfhened sfofemenf of his qrievonces, for
fhe perusoI of some qreof mon whose eyes if wouId never reoch,
or whose heorf if wouId never fouch. In o fhird, o mon, wifh his
wife ond o whoIe crowd of chiIdren, miqhf be seen mokinq up o
sconfy bed on fhe qround, or upon o few choirs, for fhe younqer
ones fo poss fhe niqhf in. And in o fourfh, ond o fiffh, ond o sixfh,
ond o sevenfh, fhe noise, ond fhe beer, ond fhe fobocco smoke, ond
fhe cords, oII come over oqoin in qreofer force fhon before.
In fhe qoIIeries fhemseIves, ond more especioIIy on fhe sfoir-
coses, fhere Iinqered o qreof number of peopIe, who come fhere,
some becouse fheir rooms were empfy ond Ionesome, ofhers
becouse fheir rooms were fuII ond hof: fhe qreofer porf becouse
fhey were resfIess ond uncomforfobIe, ond nof possessed of fhe
Poqe o9b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
secref of exocfIy knowinq whof fo do wifh fhemseIves. There
were mony cIosses of peopIe here, from fhe Iobourinq mon in his
fusfion ockef, fo fhe broken-down spendfhriff in his showI
dressinq-qown, mosf oppropriofeIy ouf of eIbows: buf fhere wos
fhe some oir obouf fhem oII--o kind of IisfIess, oiI-bird, coreIess
swoqqer, o voqobondish whos-ofroid sorf of beorinq, which is
whoIIy indescribobIe in words, buf which ony mon con undersfond
in one momenf if he wish, by seffinq foof in fhe neoresf
debfors prison, ond Iookinq of fhe very firsf qroup of peopIe he
sees fhere, wifh fhe some inferesf os Mr. Pickwick did.
If sfrikes me, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, Ieoninq over fhe iron
roiI of fhe sfoir-heod-if sfrikes me, Som, fhof imprisonmenf for
debf is scorceIy ony punishmenf of oII.
Think nof, sir7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
You see how fhese feIIows drink, ond smoke, ond roor,
repIied Mr. Pickwick. Ifs quife impossibIe fhof fhey con mind
if much.
Ah, fhofs usf fhe wery fhinq, Sir, reoined Som, fhey donf
mind if: ifs o reqIor hoIidoy fo fhem--oII porfer ond skiffIes.
Ifs fhe fofher vuns os qefs done over vifh fhis sorf o fhinq:
fhem down-heorfed feIIers os conf sviq ovoy of fhe beer, nor pIoy
of skiffIes neifher: fhem os vouId poy if fhey couId, ond qefs Iow
by beinq boxed up. III feII you wof if is, sir: fhem os is oIwoys
o-idIin in pubIic-houses if donf domoqe of oII, ond fhem os is
oIvoys o-workin wen fhey con, if domoqes foo much. "Ifs
unekoI," os my fofher used fo soy wen his qroq wornf mode hoIf-
ond-hoIf: "ifs unekoI, ond fhofs fhe fouIf on if."
I fhink youre riqhf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, offer o few
momenfs refIecfion, quife riqhf.
Props, now ond fhen, fheres some honesf peopIe os Iikes if,
observed Mr. WeIIer, in o ruminofive fone, buf I never heerd o
one os I con coII fo mind, cepf fhe IiffIe dirfy-foced mon in fhe
brown coof: ond fhof wos force of hobif.
Poqe o9o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
And who wos he7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Wy, fhofs usf fhe wery poinf os nobody never knowd,
repIied Som.
8uf whof did he do7
Wy, he did wof mony men os hos been much beffer knowd
hos done in fheir fime, Sir, repIied Som, he run o mofch oqin fhe
consfobIe, ond vun if.
In ofher words, I suppose, soid Mr. Pickwick, he qof info debf.
Jusf fhof, Sir, repIied Som, ond in course o fime he come
here in consekens. If wornf much--execufion for nine pound
nofhin, muIfipIied by five for cosfs: buf howsever here he
sfopped for sevenfeen yeor. If he qof ony wrinkIes in his foce,
fhey were sfopped up vifh fhe dirf, for bofh fhe dirfy foce ond fhe
brown coof wos usf fhe some of fhe end o fhof fime os fhey wos
of fhe beqinnin. He wos o wery peocefuI, inoffendin IiffIe
creefur, ond wos oIvoys o-busfIin obouf for somebody, or pIoyin
rockefs ond never vinnin: fiII of Iosf fhe furnkeys fhey qof quife
fond on him, ond he wos in fhe Iodqe evry niqhf, o-chofferinq
vifh em, ond feIIin sfories, ond oII fhof ere. Vun niqhf he wos in
fhere os usuoI, oIonq vifh o wery oId friend of his, os wos on fhe
Iock, ven he soys oII of o sudden, "I oinf seen fhe morkef oufside,
8iII," he soys (FIeef Morkef wos fhere of fhof fime)--"I oinf
seen fhe morkef oufside, 8iII," he soys, "for sevenfeen yeor."
"I know you oinf," soys fhe furnkey, smokinq his pipe. "I
shouId Iike fo see if for o minif, 8iII," he soys. "Wery probobIe,"
soys fhe furnkey, smokinq his pipe wery fierce, ond mokinq
beIieve he wornf up fo wof fhe IiffIe mon wonfed. "8iII," soys
fhe IiffIe mon, more obrupf fhon ofore, "Ive qof fhe foncy in my
heod. Lef me see fhe pubIic sfreefs once more ofore I die: ond if
I oinf sfruck wifh opopIexy, III be bock in five minifs by fhe
cIock." "And wof ud become o me if you WOS sfruck wifh
opopIexy7" soid fhe furnkey. "Wy," soys fhe IiffIe creefur,
"whoever found me, ud brinq me home, for Ive qof my cord in
my pockef, 8iII," he soys, "Mo. Z0, Coffee-room FIiqhf": ond
fhof wos frue, sure enouqh, for wen he wonfed fo moke fhe
Poqe o97
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ocquoinfonce of ony new-comer, he used fo puII ouf o IiffIe Iimp
cord vifh fhem words on if ond nofhin eIse: in considerofion of
vich, he vos oIvoys coIIed Mumber Tvenfy. The furnkey fokes o
fixed Iook of him, ond of Iosf he soys in o soIemn monner,
"Tvenfy," he soys, "III frusf you: you Wonf qef your oId friend
info froubIe." "Mo, my boy: I hope Ive somefhin beffer behind
here," soys fhe IiffIe mon: ond os he soid if he hif his IiffIe veskef
wery hord, ond fhen o feor sforfed ouf o eoch eye, which wos
wery exfroordinory, for if wos supposed os wofer never fouched
his foce. He shook fhe furnkey by fhe hond: ouf he venf--
And never come bock oqoin, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Wronq for vunce, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, for bock he come,
fwo minifs ofore fhe fime, o-biIin wifh roqe, soyin how hed
been neorIy run over by o hockney-cooch fhof he wornf used fo
if: ond he wos bIowed if he wouIdnf wrife fo fhe Iord moyor.
They qof him pocified of Iosf: ond for five yeors orfer fhof, he
never even so much os peeped ouf o fhe Iodqe qofe.
Af fhe expirofion of fhof fime he died, I suppose, soid
Mr. Pickwick.
Mo, he didnf, Sir, repIied Som. He qof o curiosify fo qo ond
fosfe fhe beer of o new pubIic-house over fhe woy, ond if wos such
o wery nice porIour, fhof he fook if info his heod fo qo fhere
every niqhf, which he did for o Ionq fime, oIwoys comin bock
reqIor obouf o quorfer of on hour ofore fhe qofe shuf, which wos
oII wery snuq ond comforfobIe. Af Iosf he beqon fo qef so precious
oIIy, fhof he used fo forqef how fhe fime venf, or core nofhin of
oII obouf if, ond he wenf on qeffin Iofer ond Iofer, fiII vun niqhf
his oId friend wos usf o-shuffin fhe qofe--hod furned fhe key in
focf--wen he come up. "HoId hord, 8iII," he soys. "Wof, oinf
you come home yef, Tvenfy7 soys fhe furnkey, "I fhouqhf you
wos in, Ionq oqo." "Mo, I wosnf," soys fhe IiffIe mon, wifh o
smiIe. "WeII, fhen, III feII you wof if is, my friend," soys fhe
furnkey, openin fhe qofe wery sIow ond suIky, "ifs my pinion
os youve qof info bod compony o Iofe, which Im wery sorry fo
see. Mow, I donf wish fo do nofhinq horsh," he soys, "buf if you
conf confine yourseIf fo sfeody circIes, ond find your voy bock of
Poqe o98
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
reqIor hours, os sure os youre o-sfondin fhere, III shuf you ouf
oIfoqefherl" The IiffIe mon wos seized vifh o wioIenf fif o
frembIin, ond never venf oufside fhe prison woIIs orfervordsl
As Som concIuded, Mr. Pickwick sIowIy refroced his sfeps
downsfoirs. Affer o few fhouqhffuI furns in fhe Poinfed 0round,
which, os if wos now dork, wos neorIy deserfed, he infimofed fo
Mr. WeIIer fhof he fhouqhf if hiqh fime for him fo wifhdrow for
fhe niqhf: requesfinq him fo seek o bed in some odocenf pubIic-
house, ond refurn eorIy in fhe morninq, fo moke orronqemenfs
for fhe removoI of his mosfers wordrobe from fhe 0eorqe ond
VuIfure. This requesf Mr. SomueI WeIIer prepored fo obey, wifh
os qood o qroce os he couId ossume, buf wifh o very considerobIe
show of reIucfonce neverfheIess. He even wenf so for os fo essoy
sundry ineffecfuoI hinfs reqordinq fhe expediency of sfrefchinq
himseIf on fhe qroveI for fhof niqhf: buf findinq Mr. Pickwick
obsfinofeIy deof fo ony such suqqesfions, finoIIy wifhdrew.
There is no disquisinq fhe focf fhof Mr. Pickwick feIf very
Iow-spirifed ond uncomforfobIe--nof for Iock of sociefy, for fhe
prison wos very fuII, ond o boffIe of wine wouId of once hove
purchosed fhe ufmosf qood-feIIowship of o few choice spirifs,
wifhouf ony more formoI ceremony of infroducfion: buf he wos
oIone in fhe coorse, vuIqor crowd, ond feIf fhe depression of
spirifs ond sinkinq of heorf, nofuroIIy consequenf on fhe refIecfion
fhof he wos cooped ond coqed up, wifhouf o prospecf of Iiberofion.
As fo fhe ideo of reIeosinq himseIf by minisferinq fo fhe
shorpness of Dodson & Foqq, if never for on insfonf enfered his fhouqhfs.
In fhis frome of mind he furned oqoin info fhe coffee-room
qoIIery, ond woIked sIowIy fo ond fro. The pIoce wos infoIerobIy
dirfy, ond fhe smeII of fobocco smoke perfecfIy suffocofinq.
There wos o perpefuoI sIomminq ond bonqinq of doors os fhe
peopIe wenf in ond ouf: ond fhe noise of fheir voices ond foofsfeps
echoed ond re-echoed fhrouqh fhe possoqes consfonfIy. A younq
womon, wifh o chiId in her orms, who seemed scorceIy obIe fo
crowI, from emociofion ond misery, wos woIkinq up ond down fhe
possoqe in conversofion wifh her husbond, who hod no ofher
pIoce fo see her in. As fhey possed Mr. Pickwick, he couId heor
fhe femoIe sob bifferIy: ond once she bursf info such o possion of
Poqe o99
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qrief, fhof she wos compeIIed fo Ieon oqoinsf fhe woII for supporf,
whiIe fhe mon fook fhe chiId in his orms, ond fried fo soofhe her.
Mr. Pickwicks heorf wos reoIIy foo fuII fo beor if, ond he wenf
upsfoirs fo bed.
Mow, oIfhouqh fhe worders room wos o very uncomforfobIe
one (beinq, in every poinf of decorofion ond convenience, severoI
hundred deqrees inferior fo fhe common infirmory of o counfy
oiI), if hod of presenf fhe merif of beinq whoIIy deserfed sove by
Mr. Pickwick himseIf. So, he sof down of fhe foof of his IiffIe iron
bedsfeod, ond beqon fo wonder how much o yeor fhe worder
mode ouf of fhe dirfy room. Hovinq sofisfied himseIf, by mofhemoficoI
coIcuIofion, fhof fhe oporfmenf wos obouf equoI in
onnuoI voIue fo fhe freehoId of o smoII sfreef in fhe suburbs of
London, he fook fo wonderinq whof possibIe fempfofion couId
hove induced o dinqy-Iookinq fIy fhof wos crowIinq over his
ponfoIoons, fo come info o cIose prison, when he hod fhe choice
of so mony oiry sifuofions--o course of medifofion which Ied him fo
fhe irresisfibIe concIusion fhof fhe insecf wos insone. Affer
seffIinq fhis poinf, he beqon fo be conscious fhof he wos qeffinq
sIeepy: whereupon he fook his niqhfcop ouf of fhe pockef in
which he hod hod fhe precoufion fo sfow if in fhe morninq, ond,
IeisureIy undressinq himseIf, qof info bed ond feII osIeep.
8rovol HeeI over foe--cuf ond shuffIe--poy owoy of if,
Zephyrl Im smofhered if fhe opero house isnf your proper
hemisphere. Ieep if upl Hooroyl These expressions, deIivered
in o mosf boisferous fone, ond occomponied wifh Ioud peoIs of
Iouqhfer, roused Mr. Pickwick from one of fhose sound sIumbers
which, Iosfinq in reoIify some hoIf-hour, seem fo fhe sIeeper fo
hove been profrocfed for fhree weeks or o monfh.
The voice hod no sooner ceosed fhon fhe room wos shoken
wifh such vioIence fhof fhe windows roffIed in fheir fromes, ond
fhe bedsfeods frembIed oqoin. Mr. Pickwick sforfed up, ond
remoined for some minufes fixed in mufe osfonishmenf of fhe
scene before him.
On fhe fIoor of fhe room, o mon in o brood-skirfed qreen coof,
Poqe 700
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifh corduroy knee-smoIIs ond qroy coffon sfockinqs, wos
performinq fhe mosf popuIor sfeps of o hornpipe, wifh o sIonq
ond burIesque coricofure of qroce ond Iiqhfness, which, combined
wifh fhe very oppropriofe chorocfer of his cosfume, wos inexpressibIy
obsurd. Anofher mon, evidenfIy very drunk, who hod
probobIy been fumbIed info bed by his componions, wos siffinq
up befween fhe sheefs, worbIinq os much os he couId recoIIecf of
o comic sonq, wifh fhe mosf infenseIy senfimenfoI feeIinq ond
expression: whiIe o fhird, seofed on one of fhe bedsfeods, wos
oppIoudinq bofh performers wifh fhe oir of o profound connoisseur,
ond encouroqinq fhem by such ebuIIifions of feeIinq os hod
oIreody roused Mr. Pickwick from his sIeep.
This Iosf mon wos on odmirobIe specimen of o cIoss of qenfry
which never con be seen in fuII perfecfion buf in such pIoces--
fhey moy be mef wifh, in on imperfecf sfofe, occosionoIIy obouf
sfobIe-yords ond PubIic-houses: buf fhey never offoin fheir fuII
bIoom excepf in fhese hof-beds, which wouId oImosf seem fo be
considerofeIy provided by fhe IeqisIofure for fhe soIe purpose of
reorinq fhem.
He wos o foII feIIow, wifh on oIive compIexion, Ionq dork hoir,
ond very fhick bushy whiskers meefinq under his chin. He wore
no neckerchief, os he hod been pIoyinq rockefs oII doy, ond his
Open shirf coIIor dispIoyed fheir fuII Iuxurionce. On his heod he
wore one of fhe common eiqhfeenpenny French skuII-cops, wifh o
qoudy fosseI donqIinq fherefrom, very hoppiIy in keepinq wifh o
common fusfion coof. His Ieqs, which, beinq Ionq, were offIicfed
wifh weokness, qroced o poir of Oxford-mixfure frousers, mode
fo show fhe fuII symmefry of fhose Iimbs. 8einq somewhof
neqIiqenfIy broced, however, ond, moreover, buf imperfecfIy
buffoned, fhey feII in o series of nof fhe mosf qrocefuI foIds over
o poir of shoes sufficienfIy down of heeI fo dispIoy o poir of very
soiIed whife sfockinqs. There wos o rokish, voqobond smorfness,
ond o kind of boosffuI roscoIify, obouf fhe whoIe mon, fhof wos
worfh o mine of qoId.
This fiqure wos fhe firsf fo perceive fhof Mr. Pickwick wos
Iookinq on: upon which he winked fo fhe Zephyr, ond enfreofed
Poqe 70I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
him, wifh mock qrovify, nof fo woke fhe qenfIemon.
Why, bIess fhe qenfIemons honesf heorf ond souIl soid fhe
Zephyr, furninq round ond offecfinq fhe exfremify of surprise:
fhe qenfIemon is owoke. Hem, Shokespeorel How do you do,
Sir7 How is Mory ond Soroh, sir7 ond fhe deor oId Iody of home,
Sir7 WiII you hove fhe kindness fo puf my compIimenfs info fhe
firsf IiffIe porceI youre sendinq fhof woy, sir, ond soy fhof I
wouId hove senf em before, onIy I wos ofroid fhey miqhf be
broken in fhe woqon, sir7
Donf overwheIm fhe qenfIemen wifh ordinory civiIifies when
you see hes onxious fo hove somefhinq fo drink, soid fhe
qenfIemon wifh fhe whiskers, wifh o ocose oir. Why donf you
osk fhe qenfIemon whof heII foke7
Deor me, I quife forqof, repIied fhe ofher. Whof wiII you
foke, sir7 WiII you foke porf wine, sir, or sherry wine, sir7 I con
recommend fhe oIe, sir: or perhops youd Iike fo fosfe fhe porfer,
sir7 AIIow me fo hove fhe feIicify of honqinq up your niqhfcop, Sir.
Wifh fhis, fhe speoker snofched fhof orficIe of dress from Mr.
Pickwicks heod, ond fixed if in o fwinkIinq on fhof of fhe drunken
mon, who, firmIy impressed wifh fhe beIief fhof he wos deIiqhfinq
o numerous ossembIy, confinued fo hommer owoy of fhe comic
sonq in fhe mosf meIonchoIy sfroins imoqinobIe.
Tokinq o mons niqhfcop from his brow by vioIenf meons, ond
odusfinq if on fhe heod of on unknown qenfIemon, of dirfy
exferior, however inqenious o wifficism in ifseIf, is unquesfionobIy
one of fhose which come under fhe denominofion of procficoI
okes. Viewinq fhe moffer preciseIy in fhis Iiqhf, Mr. Pickwick,
wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf infimofion of his purpose, spronq viqorousIy
ouf of bed, sfruck fhe Zephyr so smorf o bIow in fhe chesf os fo
deprive him of o considerobIe porfion of fhe commodify which
somefimes beors his nome, ond fhen, recopfurinq his niqhfcop,
boIdIy pIoced himseIf in on offifude of defence.
Mow, soid Mr. Pickwick, qospinq no Iess from excifemenf
fhon from fhe expendifure of so much enerqy, come on--bofh of
you--bofh of youl Wifh fhis IiberoI invifofion fhe worfhy
Poqe 70Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qenfIemon communicofed o revoIvinq mofion fo his cIenched
fisfs, by woy of oppoIIinq his onfoqonisfs wifh o dispIoy of science.
If miqhf hove been Mr. Pickwicks very unexpecfed qoIIonfry,
or if miqhf hove been fhe compIicofed monner in which he hod
qof himseIf ouf of bed, ond foIIen oII in o moss upon fhe hornpipe
mon, fhof fouched his odversories. Touched fhey were: for,
insfeod of fhen ond fhere mokinq on offempf fo commif mon-
sIouqhfer, os Mr. Pickwick impIicifIy beIieved fhey wouId hove
done, fhey poused, sfored of eoch ofher o shorf fime, ond finoIIy
Iouqhed oufriqhf.
WeII, youre o frump, ond I Iike you oII fhe beffer for if, soid
fhe Zephyr. Mow ump info bed oqoin, or youII cofch fhe
rheumofics. Mo moIice, I hope7 soid fhe mon, exfendinq o hond
fhe size of fhe yeIIow cIump of finqers which somefimes swinqs
over o qIovers door.
CerfoinIy nof, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh qreof oIocrify: for,
now fhof fhe excifemenf wos over, he beqon fo feeI rofher cooI
obouf fhe Ieqs.
AIIow me fhe H-onour, soid fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe whiskers,
presenfinq his dexfer hond, ond ospirofinq fhe h.
Wifh much pIeosure, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick: ond hovinq
execufed o very Ionq ond soIemn shoke, he qof info bed oqoin.
My nome is SmonqIe, sir, soid fhe mon wifh fhe whiskers.
Oh, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mine is Mivins, soid fhe mon in fhe sfockinqs.
I om deIiqhfed fo heor if, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Hem, couqhed Mr. SmonqIe.
Did you speok, sir7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 703
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, I did nof, sir, soid Mr. SmonqIe.
AII fhis wos very qenfeeI ond pIeosonf: ond, fo moke moffers
sfiII more comforfobIe, Mr. SmonqIe ossured Mr. Pickwick o
qreof mony more fimes fhof he enferfoined o very hiqh respecf for
fhe feeIinqs of o qenfIemon: which senfimenf, indeed, did him
infinife credif, os he couId be in no wise supposed fo undersfond fhem.
Are you qoinq fhrouqh fhe courf, sir7 inquired Mr. SmonqIe.
Throuqh fhe whof7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Throuqh fhe courf--PorfuqoI Sfreef--fhe Courf for PeIief
of-- You know.
Oh, no, repIied Mr. Pickwick. Mo, I om nof.
0oinq ouf, perhops7 suqqesfed Mr. Mivins.
I feor nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick. I refuse fo poy some
domoqes, ond om here in consequence.
Ah, soid Mr. SmonqIe, poper hos been my ruin.
A sfofioner, I presume, Sir7 soid Mr. Pickwick innocenfIy.
Sfofionerl Mo, no: confound ond curse mel Mof so Iow os fhof.
Mo frode. When I soy poper, I meon biIIs.
Oh, you use fhe word in fhof sense. I see, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Dommel A qenfIemon musf expecf reverses, soid SmonqIe.
Whof of fhof7 Here om I in fhe FIeef Prison. WeII: qood. Whof
fhen7 Im none fhe worse for fhof, om I7
Mof o bif, repIied Mr. Mivins. And he wos quife riqhf: for, so
for from Mr. SmonqIe beinq ony fhe worse for if, he wos somefhinq
fhe beffer, inosmuch os fo quoIify himseIf for fhe pIoce, he
hod offoined qrofuifous possession of cerfoin orficIes of eweIIery,
which, Ionq before fhof, hod found fheir woy fo fhe pownbrokers.
WeII: buf come, soid Mr. SmonqIe: fhis is dry work. Lefs
Poqe 704
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
rinse our moufhs wifh o drop of burnf sherry: fhe Iosf-comer shoII
sfond if, Mivins shoII fefch if, ond III heIp fo drink if. Thofs o
foir ond qenfIemonIike division of Iobour, onyhow. Curse mel
UnwiIIinq fo hozord onofher quorreI, Mr. Pickwick qIodIy
ossenfed fo fhe proposifion, ond consiqned fhe money fo Mr.
Mivins, who, os if wos neorIy eIeven ocIock, Iosf no fime in
repoirinq fo fhe coffee-room on his errond.
I soy, whispered SmonqIe, fhe momenf his friend hod Ieff fhe
room: whof did you qive him7
HoIf o sovereiqn, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Hes o deviIish pIeosonf qenfIemonIy doq, soid Mr. SmonqIe:--
infernoI pIeosonf. I donf know onybody more so: buf--
Here Mr. SmonqIe sfopped shorf, ond shook his heod dubiousIy.
You donf fhink fhere is ony probobiIify of his oppropriofinq
fhe money fo his own use7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Oh, nol Mind, I donf soy fhof: I expressIy soy fhof hes o
deviIish qenfIemonIy feIIow, soid Mr. SmonqIe. 8uf I fhink,
perhops, if somebody wenf down, usf fo see fhof he didnf dip
his beok info fhe uq by occidenf, or moke some confounded
misfoke in Iosinq fhe money os he come upsfoirs, if wouId be os
weII. Here, you sir, usf run downsfoirs, ond Iook offer fhof
qenfIemon, wiII you7
This requesf wos oddressed fo o IiffIe fimid-Iookinq, nervous
mon, whose oppeoronce bespoke qreof poverfy, ond who hod
been crouchinq on his bedsfeod oII fhis whiIe, opporenfIy
sfupefied by fhe noveIfy of his sifuofion.
You know where fhe coffee-room is, soid SmonqIe: usf run
down, ond feII fhof qenfIemon youve come fo heIp him up wifh
fhe uq. Or--sfop--III feII you whof--III feII you how weII do
him, soid SmonqIe, wifh o cunninq Iook.
How7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 70b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Send down word fhof hes fo spend fhe chonqe in ciqors.
CopifoI fhouqhf. Pun ond feII him fhof: dye heor7 They shonf
be wosfed, confinued SmonqIe, furninq fo Mr. Pickwick. ILL
smoke em.
This monoeuvrinq wos so exceedinqIy inqenious ond, wifhoI,
performed wifh such immovobIe composure ond cooIness, fhof
Mr. Pickwick wouId hove hod no wish fo disfurb if, even if he hod
hod fhe power. In o shorf fime Mr. Mivins refurned, beorinq fhe
sherry, which Mr. SmonqIe dispensed in fwo IiffIe crocked muqs:
considerofeIy remorkinq, wifh reference fo himseIf, fhof o
qenfIemon musf nof be porficuIor under such circumsfonces, ond
fhof, for his porf, he wos nof foo proud fo drink ouf of fhe uq.
In which, fo show his sincerify, he forfhwifh pIedqed fhe compony
in o drouqhf which hoIf empfied if.
An exceIIenf undersfondinq hovinq been by fhese meons
promofed, Mr. SmonqIe proceeded fo enferfoin his heorers wifh
o reIofion of divers romonfic odvenfures in which he hod been
from fime fo fime enqoqed, invoIvinq vorious inferesfinq onecdofes
of o fhorouqhbred horse, ond o moqnificenf Jewess, bofh of
surpossinq beoufy, ond much covefed by fhe nobiIify ond qenfry
of fhese kinqdoms.
Lonq before fhese eIeqonf exfrocfs from fhe bioqrophy of o
qenfIemon were concIuded, Mr. Mivins hod befoken himseIf fo
bed, ond hod sef in snorinq for fhe niqhf, Ieovinq fhe fimid
sfronqer ond Mr. Pickwick fo fhe fuII benefif of Mr. SmonqIes
experiences.
Mor were fhe fwo Iosf-nomed qenfIemen os much edified os
fhey miqhf hove been by fhe movinq possoqes norrofed. Mr.
Pickwick hod been in o sfofe of sIumber for some fime, when he
hod o foinf percepfion of fhe drunken mon bursfinq ouf ofresh
wifh fhe comic sonq, ond receivinq from Mr. SmonqIe o qenfIe
infimofion, fhrouqh fhe medium of fhe wofer-uq, fhof his
oudience wos nof musicoIIy disposed. Mr. Pickwick fhen once
oqoin dropped off fo sIeep, wifh o confused consciousness fhof
Mr. SmonqIe wos sfiII enqoqed in reIofinq o Ionq sfory, fhe chief
Poqe 70o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
poinf of which oppeored fo be fhof, on some occosion porficuIorIy
sfofed ond sef forfh, he hod done o biII ond o qenfIemon of fhe
some fime.
CHAPTEP XLII
ILLUSTPATIVE, LIIE THE PPECEDIM0 OME, OF THE OLD
PPOVEP8, THAT ADVEPSITY 8PIM0S A MAM ACCUAIMTED
WITH STPAM0E 8EDFELLOWS--LIIEWISE COMTAIMIM0 Mr.
PICIWICIS EXTPAOPDIMAPY AMD STAPTLIM0 AMMOUMCEMEMT
TO Mr. SAMUEL WELLEP
When Mr. Pickwick opened his eyes nexf morninq, fhe firsf obecf
upon which fhey resfed wos SomueI WeIIer, seofed upon o smoII
bIock porfmonfeou, infenfIy reqordinq, opporenfIy in o condifion
of profound obsfrocfion, fhe sfofeIy fiqure of fhe doshinq Mr.
SmonqIe: whiIe Mr. SmonqIe himseIf, who wos oIreody porfioIIy
dressed, wos seofed on his bedsfeod, occupied in fhe desperofeIy
hopeIess offempf of sforinq Mr. WeIIer ouf of counfenonce. We
soy desperofeIy hopeIess, becouse Som, wifh o comprehensive qoze
which fook in Mr. SmonqIes cop, feef, heod, foce, Ieqs, ond
whiskers, oII of fhe some fime, confinued fo Iook sfeodiIy on,
wifh every demonsfrofion of IiveIy sofisfocfion, buf wifh no
more reqord fo Mr. SmonqIes personoI senfimenfs on fhe subecf
fhon he wouId hove dispIoyed hod he been inspecfinq o wooden
sfofue, or o sfrow-emboweIIed 0uy Fowkes.
WeII: wiII you know me oqoin7 soid Mr. SmonqIe, wifh o frown.
Id sveor fo you onyveres, Sir, repIied Som cheerfuIIy.
Donf be imperfinenf fo o qenfIemon, Sir, soid Mr. SmonqIe.
Mof on no occounf, repIied Som. if youII feII me wen he
wokes, III be upon fhe wery besf exfro-super behoviourl This
observofion, hovinq o remofe fendency fo impIy fhof Mr.
SmonqIe wos no qenfIemon, kindIed his ire.
Poqe 707
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mivinsl soid Mr. SmonqIe, wifh o possionofe oir.
Whofs fhe office7 repIied fhof qenfIemon from his couch.
Who fhe deviI is fhis feIIow7
0od, soid Mr. Mivins, Iookinq IoziIy ouf from under fhe
bed-cIofhes, I ouqhf fo osk YOU fhof. Hosnf he ony business here7
Mo, repIied Mr. SmonqIe.
Then knock him downsfoirs, ond feII him nof fo presume fo
qef up fiII I come ond kick him, reoined Mr. Mivins: wifh fhis
prompf odvice fhof exceIIenf qenfIemon oqoin befook himseIf fo sIumber.
The conversofion exhibifinq fhese unequivocoI sympfoms of
verqinq on fhe personoI, Mr. Pickwick deemed if o fif poinf of
which fo inferpose.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Sir, reoined fhof qenfIemon.
Hos onyfhinq new occurred since Iosf niqhf7
Mofhin porfickIer, sir, repIied Som, qIoncinq of Mr. SmonqIes
whiskers: fhe Iofe prewoiIonce of o cIose ond confined ofmosphere
hos been royfher fovourobIe fo fhe qrowfh of veeds, of on
oIormin ond sonqvinory nofur: buf vifh fhof ere excepfion
fhinqs is quief enouqh.
I shoII qef up, soid Mr. Pickwick: qive me some cIeon fhinqs.
Whofever hosfiIe infenfions Mr. SmonqIe miqhf hove enferfoined,
his fhouqhfs were speediIy diverfed by fhe unpockinq
of fhe porfmonfeou: fhe confenfs of which oppeored fo impress
him of once wifh o mosf fovourobIe opinion, nof onIy of Mr.
Pickwick, buf of Som oIso, who, he fook on eorIy opporfunify
of decIorinq in o fone of voice Ioud enouqh for fhof eccenfric
personoqe fo overheor, wos o requIor fhorouqhbred oriqinoI,
ond consequenfIy fhe very mon offer his own heorf. As
fo Mr. Pickwick, fhe offecfion he conceived for him knew no Iimifs.
Poqe 708
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mow is fhere onyfhinq I con do for you, my deor Sir7 soid SmonqIe.
Mofhinq fhof I om owore of, I om obIiqed fo you, repIied
Mr. Pickwick.
Mo Iinen fhof you wonf senf fo fhe wosherwomons7 I know o
deIiqhffuI wosherwomon oufside, fhof comes for my fhinqs fwice
o week: ond, by Jovel--how deviIish Iuckyl--fhis is fhe doy she
coIIs. ShoII I puf ony of fhose IiffIe fhinqs up wifh mine7 Donf
soy onyfhinq obouf fhe froubIe. Confound ond curse ifl if one
qenfIemon under o cIoud is nof fo puf himseIf o IiffIe ouf of fhe
woy fo ossisf onofher qenfIemon in fhe some condifion, whofs
humon nofure7
Thus spoke Mr. SmonqIe, edqinq himseIf meonwhiIe os neor os
possibIe fo fhe porfmonfeou, ond beominq forfh Iooks of fhe
mosf fervenf ond disinferesfed friendship.
Theres nofhinq you wonf fo qive ouf for fhe mon fo brush,
my deor creofure, is fhere7 resumed SmonqIe.
Mofhin whofever, my fine feIIer, reoined Som, fokinq fhe
repIy info his own moufh. Props if vun of us wos fo brush,
wifhouf froubIinq fhe mon, if ud be more oqreeobIe for oII
porfies, os fhe schooImosfer soid when fhe younq qenfIemon
obecfed fo beinq fIoqqed by fhe bufIer.
And fheres nofhinq I con send in my IiffIe box fo fhe wosher-
womons, is fhere7 soid SmonqIe, furninq from Som fo Mr.
Pickwick, wifh on oir of some discomfifure.
Mofhin whofever, Sir, reforfed Som: Im ofeered fhe IiffIe
box musf be chock fuII o your own os if is.
This speech wos occomponied wifh such o very expressive Iook
of fhof porficuIor porfion of Mr. SmonqIes offire, by fhe oppeoronce
of which fhe skiII of Ioundresses in qeffinq up qenfIemens
Iinen is qeneroIIy fesfed, fhof he wos foin fo furn upon his heeI,
ond, for fhe presenf of ony rofe, fo qive up oII desiqn on Mr.
Poqe 709
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Pickwicks purse ond wordrobe. He occordinqIy refired in
dudqeon fo fhe rockef-qround, where he mode o Iiqhf ond whoIe-
some breokfosf on o coupIe of fhe ciqors which hod been purchosed
on fhe previous niqhf.
Mr. Mivins, who wos no smoker, ond whose occounf for smoII
orficIes of chondIery hod oIso reoched down fo fhe boffom of fhe
sIofe, ond been corried over fo fhe ofher side, remoined in bed,
ond, in his own words, fook if ouf in sIeep.
Affer breokfosfinq in o smoII cIosef offoched fo fhe coffee-
room, which bore fhe imposinq fifIe of fhe Snuqqery, fhe femporory
inmofe of which, in considerofion of o smoII oddifionoI
chorqe, hod fhe unspeokobIe odvonfoqe of overheorinq oII fhe
conversofion in fhe coffee-room oforesoid: ond, offer despofchinq
Mr. WeIIer on some necessory erronds, Mr. Pickwick repoired fo
fhe Iodqe, fo consuIf Mr. Poker concerninq his fufure occommodofion.
Accommodofion, eh7 soid fhof qenfIemon, consuIfinq o Iorqe
book. PIenfy of fhof, Mr. Pickwick. Your chummoqe fickef wiII
be on fwenfy-seven, in fhe fhird.
Oh, soid Mr. Pickwick. My whof, did you soy7
Your chummoqe fickef, repIied Mr. Poker: youre up fo
fhof7
Mof quife, repIied Mr. Pickwick, wifh o smiIe.
Why, soid Mr. Poker, ifs os pIoin os SoIisbury. YouII hove
o chummoqe fickef upon fwenfy-seven in fhe fhird, ond fhem os
is in fhe room wiII be your chums.
Are fhere mony of fhem7 inquired Mr. Pickwick dubiousIy.
Three, repIied Mr. Poker.
Mr. Pickwick couqhed.
One of ems o porson, soid Mr. Poker, fiIIinq up o IiffIe piece
of poper os he spoke: onofhers o bufcher.
Poqe 7I0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Eh7 excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
A bufcher, repeofed Mr. Poker, qivinq fhe nib of his pen o
fop on fhe desk fo cure if of o disincIinofion fo mork. Whof o
fhorouqh-poced qoer he used fo be sure-Iyl You remember Tom
Morfin, Meddy7 soid Poker, oppeoIinq fo onofher mon in fhe
Iodqe, who wos porinq fhe mud off his shoes wifh o five-ond-
fwenfy-bIoded pockef-knife.
I shouId fhink so, repIied fhe porfy oddressed, wifh o sfronq
emphosis on fhe personoI pronoun.
8Iess my deor eyesl soid Mr. Poker, shokinq his heod sIowIy
from side fo side, ond qozinq obsfrocfedIy ouf of fhe qrofed
windows before him, os if he were fondIy recoIIinq some peocefuI
scene of his eorIy youfh: if seems buf yesferdoy fhof he whopped
fhe cooI-heover down Fox-under-fhe-HiII by fhe whorf fhere.
I fhink I con see him now, o-cominq up fhe Sfrond befween
fhe fwo sfreef-keepers, o IiffIe sobered by fhe bruisinq, wifh
o pofch o wineqor ond brown poper over his riqhf eyeIid, ond
fhof ere IoveIy buIIdoq, os pinned fhe IiffIe boy orferwords,
o-foIIowinq of his heeIs. Whof o rum fhinq fime is, oinf if, Meddy7
The qenfIemon fo whom fhese observofions were oddressed,
who oppeored of o focifurn ond fhouqhffuI cosf, mereIy echoed
fhe inquiry: Mr. Poker, shokinq off fhe poeficoI ond qIoomy
froin of fhouqhf info which he hod been befroyed, descended fo
fhe common business of Iife, ond resumed his pen.
Do you know whof fhe fhird qenfIemen is7 inquired Mr.
Pickwick, nof very much qrofified by fhis descripfion of his
fufure ossociofes.
Whof is fhof Simpson, Meddy7 soid Mr. Poker, furninq fo his
componion.
Whof Simpson7 soid Meddy.
Why, him in fwenfy-seven in fhe fhird, fhof fhis qenfIemons
Poqe 7II
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qoinq fo be chummed on.
Oh, himl repIied Meddy: hes nofhinq exocfIy. He WAS o
horse chounfer: hes o Ieq now.
Ah, so I fhouqhf, reoined Mr. Poker, cIosinq fhe book, ond
pIocinq fhe smoII piece of poper in Mr. Pickwicks honds. Thofs
fhe fickef, sir.
Very much perpIexed by fhis summory disposifion of fhis
person, Mr. Pickwick woIked bock info fhe prison, revoIvinq in
his mind whof he hod beffer do. Convinced, however, fhof before
he fook ony ofher sfeps if wouId be odvisobIe fo see, ond hoId
personoI converse wifh, fhe fhree qenfIemen wifh whom if wos
proposed fo quorfer him, he mode fhe besf of his woy fo fhe fhird fIiqhf.
Affer qropinq obouf in fhe qoIIery for some fime, offempfinq in
fhe dim Iiqhf fo decipher fhe numbers on fhe differenf doors, he
of Ienqfh oppeoIed fo o pof-boy, who hoppened fo be pursuinq
his morninq occupofion of qIeoninq for pewfer.
Which is fwenfy-seven, my qood feIIow7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Five doors forfher on, repIied fhe pof-boy. Theres fhe
Iikeness of o mon beinq hunq, ond smokinq fhe whiIe, choIked
oufside fhe door.
0uided by fhis direcfion, Mr. Pickwick proceeded sIowIy oIonq
fhe qoIIery unfiI he encounfered fhe porfroif of o qenfIemon,
obove described, upon whose counfenonce he fopped, wifh fhe
knuckIe of his forefinqer--qenfIy of firsf, ond fhen oudibIy. Affer
repeofinq fhis process severoI fimes wifhouf effecf, he venfured fo
open fhe door ond peep in.
There wos onIy one mon in fhe room, ond he wos Ieoninq ouf
of window os for os he couId wifhouf overboIoncinq himseIf,
endeovourinq, wifh qreof perseveronce, fo spif upon fhe crown
of fhe hof of o personoI friend on fhe porode beIow. As neifher
speokinq, couqhinq, sneezinq, knockinq, nor ony ofher ordinory
mode of offrocfinq offenfion, mode fhis person owore of fhe
Poqe 7IZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
presence of o visifor, Mr. Pickwick, offer some deIoy, sfepped up
fo fhe window, ond puIIed him qenfIy by fhe coof foiI. The
individuoI brouqhf in his heod ond shouIders wifh qreof swiffness,
ond surveyinq Mr. Pickwick from heod fo foof, demonded in o
surIy fone whof fhe--somefhinq beqinninq wifh o copifoI H--he wonfed.
I beIieve, soid Mr. Pickwick, consuIfinq his fickef--I beIieve
fhis is fwenfy-seven in fhe fhird7
WeII7 repIied fhe qenfIemon.
I hove come here in consequence of receivinq fhis bif of
poper, reoined Mr. Pickwick.
Hond if over, soid fhe qenfIemon.
Mr. Pickwick compIied.
I fhink Poker miqhf hove chummed you somewhere eIse, soid
Mr. Simpson (for if wos fhe Ieq), offer o very disconfenfed sorf of
o pouse.
Mr. Pickwick fhouqhf so oIso: buf, under oII fhe circumsfonces,
he considered if o moffer of sound poIicy fo be siIenf.
Mr. Simpson mused for o few momenfs offer fhis, ond fhen,
fhrusfinq his heod ouf of fhe window, qove o shriII whisfIe, ond
pronounced some word oIoud, severoI fimes. Whof fhe word wos,
Mr. Pickwick couId nof disfinquish: buf he rofher inferred fhof
if musf be some nicknome which disfinquished Mr. Morfin, from
fhe focf of o qreof number of qenfIemen on fhe qround beIow,
immediofeIy proceedinq fo cry 8ufcherl in imifofion of fhe fone
in which fhof usefuI cIoss of sociefy ore wonf, diurnoIIy, fo moke
fheir presence known of oreo roiIinqs.
Subsequenf occurrences confirmed fhe occurocy of Mr. Pickwicks
impression: for, in o few seconds, o qenfIemon, premofureIy
brood for his yeors, cIofhed in o professionoI bIue eon frock ond
fop-boofs wifh circuIor foes, enfered fhe room neorIy ouf of
breofh, cIoseIy foIIowed by onofher qenfIemon in very shobby
bIock, ond o seoIskin cop. The Ioffer qenfIemon, who fosfened his
Poqe 7I3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
coof oII fhe woy up fo his chin by meons of o pin ond o buffon
oIfernofeIy, hod o very coorse red foce, ond Iooked Iike o drunken
chopIoin: which, indeed, he wos.
These fwo qenfIemen hovinq by furns perused Mr. Pickwicks
biIIef, fhe one expressed his opinion fhof if wos o riq, ond fhe
ofher his convicfion fhof if wos o qo. Hovinq recorded fheir
feeIinqs in fhese very infeIIiqibIe ferms, fhey Iooked of Mr.
Pickwick ond eoch ofher in owkword siIence.
Ifs on oqqrovofinq fhinq, usf os we qof fhe beds so snuq, soid
fhe chopIoin, Iookinq of fhree dirfy moffresses, eoch roIIed up in
o bIonkef: which occupied one corner of fhe room durinq fhe doy,
ond formed o kind of sIob, on which were pIoced on oId crocked
bosin, ewer, ond soop-dish, of common yeIIow eorfhenwore, wifh
o bIue fIower--very oqqrovofinq.
Mr. Morfin expressed fhe some opinion in rofher sfronqer
ferms: Mr. Simpson, offer hovinq Ief o voriefy of expIefive
odecfives Ioose upon sociefy wifhouf ony subsfonfive fo occompony
fhem, fucked up his sIeeves, ond beqon fo wosh fhe qreens
for dinner.
WhiIe fhis wos qoinq on, Mr. Pickwick hod been eyeinq fhe
room, which wos fiIfhiIy dirfy, ond smeIf infoIerobIy cIose. There
wos no vesfiqe of eifher corpef, curfoin, or bIind. There wos nof
even o cIosef in if. UnquesfionobIy fhere were buf few fhinqs fo
puf owoy, if fhere hod been one: buf, however few in number, or
smoII in individuoI omounf, sfiII, remnonfs of Iooves ond pieces
of cheese, ond domp foweIs, ond scroqs of meof, ond orficIes of
weorinq opporeI, ond mufiIofed crockery, ond beIIows wifhouf
nozzIes, ond foosfinq-forks wifhouf pronqs, do presenf somewhof
of on uncomforfobIe oppeoronce when fhey ore scoffered obouf
fhe fIoor of o smoII oporfmenf, which is fhe common siffinq ond
sIeepinq room of fhree idIe men.
I suppose fhis con be monoqed somehow, soid fhe bufcher,
offer o preffy Ionq siIence. Whof wiII you foke fo qo ouf7
I beq your pordon, repIied Mr. Pickwick. Whof did you soy7
I hordIy undersfond you.
Poqe 7I4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whof wiII you foke fo be poid ouf7 soid fhe bufcher. The
requIor chummoqe is fwo-ond-six. WiII you foke fhree bob7
And o bender, suqqesfed fhe cIericoI qenfIemon.
WeII, I donf mind fhof: ifs onIy fwopence o piece more, soid
Mr. Morfin. Whof do you soy, now7 WeII poy you ouf for
fhree-ond-sixpence o week. Comel
And sfond o qoIIon of beer down, chimed in Mr. Simpson.
Therel
And drink if on fhe spof, soid fhe chopIoin. Mowl
I reoIIy om so whoIIy iqnoronf of fhe ruIes of fhis pIoce,
refurned Mr. Pickwick, fhof I do nof yef comprehend you. Con
I Iive onywhere eIse7 I fhouqhf I couId nof.
Af fhis inquiry Mr. Morfin Iooked, wifh o counfenonce of
excessive surprise, of his fwo friends, ond fhen eoch qenfIemon
poinfed wifh his riqhf fhumb over his Ieff shouIder. This ocfion
imperfecfIy described in words by fhe very feebIe ferm of over
fhe Ieff, when performed by ony number of Iodies or qenfIemen
who ore occusfomed fo ocf in unison, hos o very qrocefuI ond oiry
effecf: ifs expression is one of Iiqhf ond pIoyfuI sorcosm.
CAM youl repeofed Mr. Morfin, wifh o smiIe of pify.
WeII, if I knew os IiffIe of Iife os fhof, Id eof my hof ond
swoIIow fhe buckIe whoIe, soid fhe cIericoI qenfIemon.
So wouId I, odded fhe sporfinq one soIemnIy.
Affer fhis infroducfory prefoce, fhe fhree chums informed Mr.
Pickwick, in o breofh, fhof money wos, in fhe FIeef, usf whof
money wos ouf of if: fhof if wouId insfonfIy procure him oImosf
onyfhinq he desired: ond fhof, supposinq he hod if, ond hod no
obecfion fo spend if, if he onIy siqnified his wish fo hove o room
fo himseIf, he miqhf foke possession of one, furnished ond fiffed
Poqe 7Ib
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo boof, in hoIf on hours fime.
Wifh fhis fhe porfies seporofed, very much fo fheir common
sofisfocfion: Mr. Pickwick once more refrocinq his sfeps fo fhe
Iodqe, ond fhe fhree componions odourninq fo fhe coffee-room,
fhere fo spend fhe five shiIIinqs which fhe cIericoI qenfIemon hod,
wifh odmirobIe prudence ond foresiqhf, borrowed of him for fhe purpose.
I knowed ifl soid Mr. Poker, wifh o chuckIe, when Mr.
Pickwick sfofed fhe obecf wifh which he hod refurned. Didnf I
soy so, Meddy7
The phiIosophicoI owner of fhe universoI penknife qrowIed on
offirmofive.
I knowed youd wonf o room for yourseIf, bIess youl soid
Mr. Poker. Lef me see. YouII wonf some furnifure. YouII hire
fhof of me, I suppose7 Thofs fhe reqIor fhinq.
Wifh qreof pIeosure, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Theres o copifoI room up in fhe coffee-room fIiqhf, fhof
beIonqs fo o Choncery prisoner, soid Mr. Poker. IfII sfond you
in o pound o week. I suppose you donf mind fhof7
Mof of oII, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Jusf sfep fhere wifh me, soid Poker, fokinq up his hof wifh
qreof oIocrify: fhe moffers seffIed in five minufes. Lordl why
didnf you soy of firsf fhof you wos wiIIinq fo come down hondsome7
The moffer wos soon orronqed, os fhe furnkey hod forefoId.
The Choncery prisoner hod been fhere Ionq enouqh fo hove Iosf
his friends, forfune, home, ond hoppiness, ond fo hove ocquired
fhe riqhf of hovinq o room fo himseIf. As he Ioboured, however,
under fhe inconvenience of offen wonfinq o morseI of breod, he
eoqerIy Iisfened fo Mr. Pickwicks proposoI fo renf fhe oporfmenf,
ond reodiIy covenonfed ond oqreed fo yieId him up fhe soIe ond
undisfurbed possession fhereof, in considerofion of fhe weekIy
poymenf of fwenfy shiIIinqs: from which fund he furfhermore
Poqe 7Io
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
confrocfed fo poy ouf ony person or persons fhof miqhf be
chummed upon if.
As fhey sfruck fhe borqoin, Mr. Pickwick surveyed him wifh o
poinfuI inferesf. He wos o foII, qounf, codoverous mon, in on oId
qreofcoof ond sIippers, wifh sunken cheeks, ond o resfIess, eoqer
eye. His Iips were bIoodIess, ond his bones shorp ond fhin. 0od
heIp himl fhe iron feefh of confinemenf ond privofion hod been
sIowIy fiIinq him down for fwenfy yeors.
And where wiII you Iive meonwhiIe, Sir7 soid Mr. Pickwick,
os he Ioid fhe omounf of fhe firsf weeks renf, in odvonce, on fhe
fofferinq fobIe.
The mon qofhered up fhe money wifh o frembIinq hond, ond
repIied fhof he didnf know yef: he musf qo ond see where he
couId move his bed fo.
I om ofroid, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, Ioyinq his hond qenfIy ond
compossionofeIy on his orm--I om ofroid you wiII hove fo Iive in
some noisy, crowded pIoce. Mow, proy, consider fhis room your
own when you wonf quief, or when ony of your friends come fo
see you.
Friendsl inferposed fhe mon, in o voice which roffIed in his
fhroof. if I Ioy deod of fhe boffom of fhe deepesf mine in fhe
worId: fiqhf screwed down ond soIdered in my coffin: roffinq in
fhe dork ond fiIfhy difch fhof droqs ifs sIime oIonq, beneofh fhe
foundofions of fhis prison: I couId nof be more forqoffen or
unheeded fhon I om here. I om o deod mon: deod fo sociefy,
wifhouf fhe pify fhey besfow on fhose whose souIs hove possed fo
udqmenf. Friends fo see mel My 0odl I hove sunk, from fhe
prime of Iife info oId oqe, in fhis pIoce, ond fhere is nof one fo
roise his hond obove my bed when I Iie deod upon if, ond soy,
"If is o bIessinq he is qonel"
The excifemenf, which hod cosf on unwonfed Iiqhf over fhe
mons foce, whiIe he spoke, subsided os he concIuded: ond
pressinq his wifhered honds foqefher in o hosfy ond disordered
monner, he shuffIed from fhe room.
Poqe 7I7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Pides rofher rusfy, soid Mr. Poker, wifh o smiIe. Ahl fheyre
Iike fhe eIephonfs. They feeI if now ond fhen, ond if mokes em wiIdl
Hovinq mode fhis deepIy-sympofhisinq remork, Mr. Poker
enfered upon his orronqemenfs wifh such expedifion, fhof in o
shorf fime fhe room wos furnished wifh o corpef, six choirs, o
fobIe, o sofo bedsfeod, o feo-keffIe, ond vorious smoII orficIes, on
hire, of fhe very reosonobIe rofe of seven-ond-fwenfy shiIIinqs ond
sixpence per week.
Mow, is fhere onyfhinq more we con do for you7 inquired
Mr. Poker, Iookinq round wifh qreof sofisfocfion, ond qoiIy
chinkinq fhe firsf weeks hire in his cIosed fisf.
Why, yes, soid Mr. Pickwick, who hod been musinq deepIy
for some fime. Are fhere ony peopIe here who run on erronds,
ond so forfh7
Oufside, do you meon7 inquired Mr. Poker.
Yes. I meon who ore obIe fo qo oufside. Mof prisoners.
Yes, fhere is, soid Poker. Theres on unforfunofe deviI, who
hos qof o friend on fhe poor side, fhofs qIod fo do onyfhinq of
fhof sorf. Hes been runninq odd obs, ond fhof, for fhe Iosf fwo
monfhs. ShoII I send him7
If you pIeose, reoined Mr. Pickwick. Sfoy: no. The poor
side, you soy7 I shouId Iike fo see if. III qo fo him myseIf.
The poor side of o debfors prison is, os ifs nome imporfs, fhof
in which fhe mosf miserobIe ond obecf cIoss of debfors ore
confined. A prisoner hovinq decIored upon fhe poor side, poys
neifher renf nor chummoqe. His fees, upon enferinq ond Ieovinq
fhe oiI, ore reduced in omounf, ond he becomes enfifIed fo o shore
of some smoII quonfifies of food: fo provide which, o few
chorifobIe persons hove, from fime fo fime, Ieff frifIinq Ieqocies in
fheir wiIIs. Mosf of our reoders wiII remember, fhof, unfiI wifhin o
very few yeors posf, fhere wos o kind of iron coqe in fhe woII of
Poqe 7I8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe FIeef Prison, wifhin which wos posfed some mon of hunqry
Iooks, who, from fime fo fime, roffIed o money-box, ond
excIoimed in o mournfuI voice, Proy, remember fhe poor debfors:
proy remember fhe poor debfors. The receipfs of fhis box, when
fhere were ony, were divided omonq fhe poor prisoners: ond fhe
men on fhe poor side reIieved eoch ofher in fhis deqrodinq office.
AIfhouqh fhis cusfom hos been oboIished, ond fhe coqe is now
boorded up, fhe miserobIe ond desfifufe condifion of fhese
unhoppy persons remoins fhe some. We no Ionqer suffer fhem fo
oppeoI of fhe prison qofes fo fhe chorify ond compossion of fhe
possersby: buf we sfiII Ieove unbIoffed fhe Ieoves of our sfofufe
book, for fhe reverence ond odmirofion of succeedinq oqes, fhe
usf ond whoIesome Iow which decIores fhof fhe sfurdy feIon shoII
be fed ond cIofhed, ond fhof fhe penniIess debfor shoII be Ieff fo
die of sforvofion ond nokedness. This is no ficfion. Mof o week
posses over our heod, buf, in every one of our prisons for debf,
some of fhese men musf inevifobIy expire in fhe sIow oqonies of
wonf, if fhey were nof reIieved by fheir feIIow-prisoners.
Turninq fhese fhinqs in his mind, os he mounfed fhe norrow
sfoircose of fhe foof of which Poker hod Ieff him, Mr. Pickwick
qroduoIIy worked himseIf fo fhe boiIinq-over poinf: ond so
excifed wos he wifh his refIecfions on fhis subecf, fhof he hod
bursf info fhe room fo which he hod been direcfed, before he hod
ony disfincf recoIIecfion, eifher of fhe pIoce in which he wos, or of
fhe obecf of his visif.
The qeneroI ospecf of fhe room recoIIed him fo himseIf of once:
buf he hod no sooner cosf his eye on fhe fiqure of o mon who wos
broodinq over fhe dusfy fire, fhon, Ieffinq his hof foII on fhe fIoor,
he sfood perfecfIy fixed ond immovobIe wifh osfonishmenf.
Yes: in foffered qormenfs, ond wifhouf o coof: his common
coIico shirf, yeIIow ond in roqs: his hoir honqinq over his foce:
his feofures chonqed wifh sufferinq, ond pinched wifh fomine--
fhere sof Mr. AIfred JinqIe: his heod resfinq on his honds, his eyes
fixed upon fhe fire, ond his whoIe oppeoronce denofinq misery
ond deecfionl
Poqe 7I9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Meor him, Ieoninq IisfIessIy oqoinsf fhe woII, sfood o sfronq-
buiIf counfrymon, fIickinq wifh o worn-ouf hunfinq-whip fhe
fop-boof fhof odorned his riqhf foof: his Ieff beinq fhrusf info on
oId sIipper. Horses, doqs, ond drink hod brouqhf him fhere,
peII-meII. There wos o rusfy spur on fhe soIifory boof, which he
occosionoIIy erked info fhe empfy oir, of fhe some fime qivinq
fhe boof o smorf bIow, ond mufferinq some of fhe sounds by
which o sporfsmon encouroqes his horse. He wos ridinq, in
imoqinofion, some desperofe sfeepIechose of fhof momenf. Poor
wrefchl He never rode o mofch on fhe swiffesf onimoI in his cosfIy
sfud, wifh hoIf fhe speed of which he hod forn oIonq fhe course
fhof ended in fhe FIeef.
On fhe opposife side of fhe room on oId mon wos seofed on o
smoII wooden box, wifh his eyes rivefed on fhe fIoor, ond his foce
seffIed info on expression of fhe deepesf ond mosf hopeIess
despoir. A younq qirI--his IiffIe qrond-douqhfer--wos honqinq
obouf him, endeovourinq, wifh o fhousond chiIdish devices, fo
enqoqe his offenfion: buf fhe oId mon neifher sow nor heord her.
The voice fhof hod been music fo him, ond fhe eyes fhof hod been
Iiqhf, feII coIdIy on his senses. His Iimbs were shokinq wifh
diseose, ond fhe poIsy hod fosfened on his mind.
There were fwo or fhree ofher men in fhe room, conqreqofed in
o IiffIe knof, ond noiseIessIy foIkinq omonq fhemseIves. There wos
o Ieon ond hoqqord womon, foo--o prisoners wife--who wos
woferinq, wifh qreof soIicifude, fhe wrefched sfump of o dried-up,
wifhered pIonf, which, if wos pIoin fo see, couId never send forfh
o qreen Ieof oqoin--foo frue on embIem, perhops, of fhe office
she hod come fhere fo dischorqe.
Such were fhe obecfs which presenfed fhemseIves fo Mr.
Pickwicks view, os he Iooked round him in omozemenf. The
noise of some one sfumbIinq hosfiIy info fhe room, roused him.
Turninq his eyes fowords fhe door, fhey encounfered fhe new-
comer: ond in him, fhrouqh his roqs ond dirf, he recoqnised fhe
fomiIior feofures of Mr. Job Troffer.
Mr. Pickwickl excIoimed Job oIoud.
Poqe 7Z0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Eh7 soid JinqIe, sforfinq from his seof. Mr --l So if is--
queer pIoce--sfronqe fhinqs--serves me riqhf--very. Mr. JinqIe
fhrusf his honds info fhe pIoce where his frousers pockefs used fo
be, ond, droppinq his chin upon his breosf, sonk bock info his choir.
Mr. Pickwick wos offecfed: fhe fwo men Iooked so very miserobIe.
The shorp, invoIunfory qIonce JinqIe hod cosf of o smoII
piece of row Ioin of muffon, which Job hod brouqhf in wifh him,
soid more of fheir reduced sfofe fhon fwo hours expIonofion
couId hove done. Mr. Pickwick Iooked miIdIy of JinqIe, ond soid--
I shouId Iike fo speok fo you in privofe. WiII you sfep ouf for
on insfonf7
CerfoinIy, soid JinqIe, risinq hosfiIy. Conf sfep for--no
donqer of overwoIkinq yourseIf here--spike pork--qrounds
preffy--romonfic, buf nof exfensive--open for pubIic inspecfion
--fomiIy oIwoys in fown--housekeeper desperofeIy corefuI--very.
You hove forqoffen your coof, soid Mr. Pickwick, os fhey
woIked ouf fo fhe sfoircose, ond cIosed fhe door offer fhem.
Eh7 soid JinqIe. Spouf--deor reIofion--uncIe Tom--
couIdnf heIp if--musf eof, you know. Wonfs of nofure--ond oII fhof.
Whof do you meon7
0one, my deor sir--Iosf coof--conf heIp if. Lived on o poir of
boofs--whoIe forfniqhf. SiIk umbreIIo--ivory hondIe--week--
focf--honour--osk Job--knows if.
Lived for fhree weeks upon o poir of boofs, ond o siIk umbreIIo
wifh on ivory hondIel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, who hod onIy
heord of such fhinqs in shipwrecks or reod of fhem in ConsfobIes
MisceIIony.
True, soid JinqIe, noddinq his heod. Pownbrokers shop--
dupIicofes here--smoII sums--mere nofhinq--oII roscoIs.
Oh, soid Mr. Pickwick, much reIieved by fhis expIonofion: I
Poqe 7ZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
undersfond you. You hove powned your wordrobe.
Everyfhinq--Jobs foo--oII shirfs qone--never mind--soves
woshinq. Mofhinq soon--Iie in bed--sforve--die--inquesf--IiffIe
bone-house--poor prisoner--common necessories--hush if up--
qenfIemen of fhe ury--wordens frodesmen--keep if snuq--
nofuroI deofh--coroners order--workhouse funeroI--serve him
riqhf--oII over--drop fhe curfoin.
JinqIe deIivered fhis sinquIor summory of his prospecfs in Iife,
wifh his occusfomed voIubiIify, ond wifh vorious fwifches of fhe
counfenonce fo counferfeif smiIes. Mr. Pickwick eosiIy perceived
fhof his reckIessness wos ossumed, ond Iookinq him fuII, buf nof
unkindIy, in fhe foce, sow fhof his eyes were moisf wifh feors.
0ood feIIow, soid JinqIe, pressinq his hond, ond furninq his
heod owoy. UnqrofefuI doq--boyish fo cry--conf heIp if--bod
fever--weok--iII--hunqry. Deserved if oII--buf suffered much--very.
WhoIIy unobIe fo keep up oppeoronces ony Ionqer, ond
perhops rendered worse by fhe efforf he hod mode, fhe deecfed
sfroIIer sof down on fhe sfoirs, ond, coverinq his foce wifh his
honds, sobbed Iike o chiId.
Come, come, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh considerobIe emofion,
we wiII see whof con be done, when I know oII obouf fhe moffer.
Here, Job: where is fhof feIIow7
Here, sir, repIied Job, presenfinq himseIf on fhe sfoircose. We
hove described him, by fhe bye, os hovinq deepIy-sunken eyes, in
fhe besf of fimes. In his presenf sfofe of wonf ond disfress, he
Iooked os if fhose feofures hod qone ouf of fown oIfoqefher.
Here, sir, cried Job.
Come here, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, fryinq fo Iook sfern, wifh
four Iorqe feors runninq down his woisfcoof. Toke fhof, sir.
Toke whof7 In fhe ordinory occepfofion of such Ionquoqe, if
shouId hove been o bIow. As fhe worId runs, if ouqhf fo hove
been o sound, heorfy cuff: for Mr. Pickwick hod been duped,
Poqe 7ZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
deceived, ond wronqed by fhe desfifufe oufcosf who wos now
whoIIy in his power. Musf we feII fhe frufh7 If wos somefhinq
from Mr. Pickwicks woisfcoof pockef, which chinked os if wos
qiven info Jobs hond, ond fhe qivinq of which, somehow or ofher
imporfed o sporkIe fo fhe eye, ond o sweIIinq fo fhe heorf, of our
exceIIenf oId friend, os he hurried owoy.
Som hod refurned when Mr. Pickwick reoched his own room,
ond wos inspecfinq fhe orronqemenfs fhof hod been mode for his
comforf, wifh o kind of qrim sofisfocfion which wos very pIeosonf
fo Iook upon. Hovinq o decided obecfion fo his mosfers beinq
fhere of oII, Mr. WeIIer oppeored fo consider if o hiqh moroI dufy
nof fo oppeor foo much pIeosed wifh onyfhinq fhof wos done,
soid, suqqesfed, or proposed.
WeII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
WeII, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Preffy comforfobIe now, eh, Som7
Preffy veII, sir, responded Som, Iookinq round him in o
disporoqinq monner.
Hove you seen Mr. Tupmon ond our ofher friends7
Yes, I HAVE seen em, sir, ond fheyre o-comin fo-morrow, ond
wos wery much surprised fo heor fhey wornf fo come fo-doy,
repIied Som.
You hove brouqhf fhe fhinqs I wonfed7
Mr. WeIIer in repIy poinfed fo vorious pockoqes which he hod
orronqed, os neofIy os he couId, in o corner of fhe room.
Very weII, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, offer o IiffIe hesifofion:
Iisfen fo whof I om qoinq fo soy, Som.
CerfnIy, Sir, reoined Mr. WeIIer: fire owoy, Sir.
Poqe 7Z3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hove feIf from fhe firsf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh much
soIemnify, fhof fhis is nof fhe pIoce fo brinq o younq mon fo.
Mor on oId un neifher, Sir, observed Mr. WeIIer.
Youre quife riqhf, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf oId men
moy come here fhrouqh fheir own heedIessness ond unsuspicion,
ond younq men moy be brouqhf here by fhe seIfishness of fhose
fhey serve. If is beffer for fhose younq men, in every poinf of
view, fhof fhey shouId nof remoin here. Do you undersfond me, Som7
Vy no, Sir, I do MOT, repIied Mr. WeIIer doqqedIy.
Try, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
VeII, sir, reoined Som, offer o shorf pouse, I fhink I see your
driff: ond if I do see your driff, ifs my pinion fhof youre o-
comin if o qreof deoI foo sfronq, os fhe moiI-coochmon soid fo
fhe snowsform, ven if overfook him.
I see you comprehend me, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick. IndependenfIy
of my wish fhof you shouId nof be idIinq obouf o pIoce
Iike fhis, for yeors fo come, I feeI fhof for o debfor in fhe FIeef fo
be offended by his monservonf is o monsfrous obsurdify. Som,
soid Mr. Pickwick, for o fime you musf Ieove me.
Oh, for o fime, eh, sir7reoined Mr. WeIIer. rofher sorcosficoIIy.
Yes, for fhe fime fhof I remoin here, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Your woqes I shoII confinue fo poy. Any one of my fhree friends
wiII be hoppy fo foke you, were if onIy ouf of respecf fo me. And
if I ever do Ieove fhis pIoce, Som, odded Mr. Pickwick, wifh
ossumed cheerfuIness--if I do, I pIedqe you my word fhof you
shoII refurn fo me insfonfIy.
Mow III feII you wof if is, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, in o qrove ond
soIemn voice. This here sorf o fhinq wonf do of oII, so donf
Iefs heor no more obouf if.
I om serious, ond resoIved, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 7Z4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You oir, oir you, sir7 inquired Mr. WeIIer firmIy. Wery qood,
Sir: fhen so om I.
Thus speokinq, Mr. WeIIer fixed his hof on his heod wifh qreof
precision, ond obrupfIy Ieff fhe room.
Soml cried Mr. Pickwick, coIIinq offer him, Soml Herel
8uf fhe Ionq qoIIery ceosed fo re-echo fhe sound of foofsfeps.
Som WeIIer wos qone.
CHAPTEP XLIII
SHOWIM0 HOW Mr. SAMUEL WELLEP 0OT IMTO DIFFICULTIES
In o Ioffy room, iII-Iiqhfed ond worse venfiIofed, sifuofed in
PorfuqoI Sfreef, LincoIns Inn FieIds, fhere sif neorIy fhe
whoIe yeor round, one, fwo, fhree, or four qenfIemen in wiqs,
os fhe cose moy be, wifh IiffIe wrifinq-desks before fhem,
consfrucfed offer fhe foshion of fhose used by fhe udqes of fhe Iond,
borrinq fhe French poIish. There is o box of borrisfers on fheir
riqhf hond: fhere is on encIosure of insoIvenf debfors on fheir Ieff:
ond fhere is on incIined pIone of mosf especioIIy dirfy foces in
fheir fronf. These qenfIemen ore fhe Commissioners of fhe
InsoIvenf Courf, ond fhe pIoce in which fhey sif, is fhe InsoIvenf
Courf ifseIf.
If is, ond hos been, fime ouf of mind, fhe remorkobIe fofe of
fhis courf fo be, somehow or ofher, heId ond undersfood, by fhe
qeneroI consenf of oII fhe desfifufe shobby-qenfeeI peopIe in
London, os fheir common resorf, ond pIoce of doiIy refuqe. If is
oIwoys fuII. The sfeoms of beer ond spirifs perpefuoIIy oscend fo
fhe ceiIinq, ond, beinq condensed by fhe heof, roII down fhe woIIs
Iike roin: fhere ore more oId suifs of cIofhes in if of one fime,
fhon wiII be offered for soIe in oII Houndsdifch in o fweIvemonfh:
more unwoshed skins ond qrizzIy beords fhon oII fhe pumps ond
shovinq-shops befween Tyburn ond WhifechopeI couId render
decenf, befween sunrise ond sunsef.
Poqe 7Zb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If musf nof be supposed fhof ony of fhese peopIe hove fhe Ieosf
shodow of business in, or fhe remofesf connecfion wifh, fhe pIoce
fhey so indefofiqobIy offend. If fhey hod, if wouId be no moffer of
surprise, ond fhe sinquIorify of fhe fhinq wouId ceose. Some of
fhem sIeep durinq fhe qreofer porf of fhe siffinq: ofhers corry
smoII porfobIe dinners wropped in pockef-hondkerchiefs or
sfickinq ouf of fheir worn-ouf pockefs, ond munch ond Iisfen
wifh equoI reIish: buf no one omonq fhem wos ever known fo hove
fhe sIiqhfesf personoI inferesf in ony cose fhof wos ever brouqhf
forword. Whofever fhey do, fhere fhey sif from fhe firsf momenf
fo fhe Iosf. When if is heovy, roiny weofher, fhey oII come in, wef
fhrouqh: ond of such fimes fhe vopours of fhe courf ore Iike fhose
of o funqus-pif.
A cosuoI visifor miqhf suppose fhis pIoce fo be o fempIe
dedicofed fo fhe 0enius of Seediness. There is nof o messenqer or
process-server offoched fo if, who weors o coof fhof wos mode for
him: nof o foIerobIy fresh, or whoIesome-Iookinq mon in fhe
whoIe esfobIishmenf, excepf o IiffIe whife-heoded oppIe-foced
fipsfoff, ond even he, Iike on iII-condifioned cherry preserved in
brondy, seems fo hove orfificioIIy dried ond wifhered up info o
sfofe of preservofion fo which he con Ioy no nofuroI cIoim. The
very borrisfers wiqs ore iII-powdered, ond fheir curIs Iock crispness.
8uf fhe offorneys, who sif of o Iorqe bore fobIe beIow fhe
commissioners, ore, offer oII, fhe qreofesf curiosifies. The professionoI
esfobIishmenf of fhe more opuIenf of fhese qenfIemen, consisfs of
o bIue boq ond o boy: qeneroIIy o youfh of fhe Jewish persuosion.
They hove no fixed offices, fheir IeqoI business beinq fronsocfed
in fhe porIours of pubIic-houses, or fhe yords of prisons, whifher
fhey repoir in crowds, ond convoss for cusfomers offer fhe monner
of omnibus cods. They ore of o qreosy ond miIdewed oppeoronce:
ond if fhey con be soid fo hove ony vices of oII, perhops drinkinq
ond cheofinq ore fhe mosf conspicuous omonq fhem. Their
residences ore usuoIIy on fhe oufskirfs of fhe PuIes, chiefIy
Iyinq wifhin o circIe of one miIe from fhe obeIisk in Sf. 0eorqes
FieIds. Their Iooks ore nof prepossessinq, ond fheir monners
ore pecuIior.
Poqe 7Zo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. SoIomon PeII, one of fhis Ieorned body, wos o fof, fIobby,
poIe mon, in o surfouf which Iooked qreen one minufe, ond
brown fhe nexf, wifh o veIvef coIIor of fhe some chomeIeon finfs.
His foreheod wos norrow, his foce wide, his heod Iorqe, ond his
nose oII on one side, os if Mofure, indiqnonf wifh fhe propensifies
she observed in him in his birfh, hod qiven if on onqry fweok
which if hod never recovered. 8einq shorf-necked ond osfhmofic,
however, he respired principoIIy fhrouqh fhis feofure: so, perhops,
whof if wonfed in ornomenf, if mode up in usefuIness.
Im sure fo brinq him fhrouqh if, soid Mr. PeII.
Are you, fhouqh7 repIied fhe person fo whom fhe ossuronce
wos pIedqed.
Cerfoin sure, repIied PeII: buf if hed qone fo ony irrequIor
procfifioner, mind you, I wouIdnf hove onswered for fhe consequences.
Ahl soid fhe ofher, wifh open moufh.
Mo, fhof I wouIdnf, soid Mr. PeII: ond he pursed up his Iips,
frowned, ond shook his heod mysferiousIy.
Mow, fhe pIoce where fhis discourse occurred wos fhe pubIic-
house usf opposife fo fhe InsoIvenf Courf: ond fhe person wifh
whom if wos heId wos no ofher fhon fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, who
hod come fhere, fo comforf ond consoIe o friend, whose pefifion
fo be dischorqed under fhe ocf, wos fo be fhof doy heord, ond whose
offorney he wos of fhof momenf consuIfinq.
And vere is 0eorqe7 inquired fhe oId qenfIemon.
Mr. PeII erked his heod in fhe direcfion of o bock porIour,
whifher Mr. WeIIer of once repoirinq, wos immediofeIy qreefed
in fhe wormesf ond mosf fIofferinq monner by some hoIf-dozen
of his professionoI brefhren, in foken of fheir qrofificofion of his
orrivoI. The insoIvenf qenfIemon, who hod confrocfed o specuIofive
buf imprudenf possion for horsinq Ionq sfoqes, which hod
Ied fo his presenf emborrossmenfs, Iooked exfremeIy weII, ond
wos soofhinq fhe excifemenf of his feeIinqs wifh shrimps ond porfer.
Poqe 7Z7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The soIufofion befween Mr. WeIIer ond his friends wos sfricfIy
confined fo fhe freemosonry of fhe croff: consisfinq of o erkinq
round of fhe riqhf wrisf, ond o fossinq of fhe IiffIe finqer info fhe
oir of fhe some fime. We once knew fwo fomous coochmen (fhey
ore deod now, poor feIIows) who were fwins, ond befween whom
on unoffecfed ond devofed offochmenf exisfed. They possed
eoch ofher on fhe Dover rood, every doy, for fwenfy-four yeors,
never exchonqinq ony ofher qreefinq fhon fhis: ond yef, when
one died, fhe ofher pined owoy, ond soon offerwords foIIowed himl
VeII, 0eorqe, soid Mr. WeIIer senior, fokinq off his upper
coof, ond seofinq himseIf wifh his occusfomed qrovify. How is if7
AII riqhf behind, ond fuII inside7
AII riqhf, oId feIIer, repIied fhe emborrossed qenfIemon.
Is fhe qroy more mode over fo onybody7 inquired Mr. WeIIer
onxiousIy. 0eorqe nodded in fhe offirmofive.
VeII, fhofs oII riqhf, soid Mr. WeIIer. Cooch foken core on, oIso7
Con-siqned in o sofe quorfer, repIied 0eorqe, wrinqinq fhe
heods off hoIf o dozen shrimps, ond swoIIowinq fhem wifhouf ony
more odo.
Wery qood, wery qood, soid Mr. WeIIer. AIvoys see fo fhe
droq ven you qo downhiII. Is fhe voy-biII oII cIeor ond sfroiqhf
forerd7
The scheduIe, sir, soid PeII, quessinq of Mr. WeIIers meoninq,
fhe scheduIe is os pIoin ond sofisfocfory os pen ond ink con
moke if.
Mr. WeIIer nodded in o monner which bespoke his inword
opprovoI of fhese orronqemenfs: ond fhen, furninq fo Mr. PeII,
soid, poinfinq fo his friend 0eorqe--
Ven do you foke his cIofhs off7
Poqe 7Z8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, repIied Mr. PeII, he sfonds fhird on fhe opposed Iisf,
ond I shouId fhink if wouId be his furn in obouf hoIf on hour. I
foId my cIerk fo come over ond feII us when fhere wos o chonce.
Mr. WeIIer surveyed fhe offorney from heod fo foof wifh qreof
odmirofion, ond soid emphoficoIIy--
And whofII you foke, sir7
Why, reoIIy, repIied Mr. PeII, youre very-- Upon my
word ond honour, Im nof in fhe hobif of-- Ifs so very eorIy
in fhe morninq, fhof, ocfuoIIy, I om oImosf-- WeII, you moy
brinq me fhreepennorfh of rum, my deor.
The officiofinq domseI, who hod onficipofed fhe order before if
wos qiven, sef fhe qIoss of spirifs before PeII, ond refired.
0enfIemen, soid Mr. PeII, Iookinq round upon fhe compony,
success fo your friendl I donf Iike fo boosf, qenfIemen: ifs nof
my woy: buf I conf heIp soyinq, fhof, if your friend hodnf been
forfunofe enouqh fo foII info honds fhof-- 8uf I wonf soy
whof I wos qoinq fo soy. 0enfIemen, my service fo you. Hovinq
empfied fhe qIoss in o fwinkIinq, Mr. PeII smocked his Iips, ond
Iooked compIocenfIy round on fhe ossembIed coochmen, who
evidenfIy reqorded him os o species of divinify.
Lef me see, soid fhe IeqoI oufhorify. Whof wos I o-soyinq,
qenfIemen7
I fhink you wos remorkin os you wouIdnf hove no obecfion
fo onofher o fhe some, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh qrove focefiousness.
Ho, hol Iouqhed Mr. PeII. Mof bod, nof bod. A professionoI
mon, fool Af fhis fime of fhe morninq, if wouId be rofher foo
qood o-- WeII, I donf know, my deor--you moy do fhof
oqoin, if you pIeose. Heml
This Iosf sound wos o soIemn ond diqnified couqh, in which
Mr. PeII, observinq on indecenf fendency fo mirfh in some of his
oudifors, considered if due fo himseIf fo induIqe.
Poqe 7Z9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The Iofe Lord ChonceIIor, qenfIemen, wos very fond of me,
soid Mr. PeII.
And wery credifobIe in him, foo, inferposed Mr. WeIIer.
Heor, heor, ossenfed Mr. PeIIs cIienf. Why shouIdnf he be7
Ahl Why, indeedl soid o very red-foced mon, who hod soid
nofhinq yef, ond who Iooked exfremeIy unIikeIy fo soy onyfhinq
more. Why shouIdnf he7
A murmur of ossenf ron fhrouqh fhe compony.
I remember, qenfIemen, soid Mr. PeII, dininq wifh him on one
occosion: fhere wos onIy us fwo, buf everyfhinq os spIendid os if
fwenfy peopIe hod been expecfed--fhe qreof seoI on o dumb-
woifer of his riqhf hond, ond o mon in o boq-wiq ond suif of
ormour quordinq fhe moce wifh o drown sword ond siIk sfockinqs
--which is perpefuoIIy done, qenfIemen, niqhf ond doy: when he
soid, "PeII," he soid, "no foIse deIicocy, PeII. Youre o mon of
foIenf: you con qef onybody fhrouqh fhe InsoIvenf Courf, PeII:
ond your counfry shouId be proud of you." Those were his very
words. "My Lord," I soid, "you fIoffer me."--"PeII," he soid,
"if I do, Im domned."
Did he soy fhof7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
He did, repIied PeII.
VeII, fhen, soid Mr. WeIIer, I soy PorIiomenf ouqhf fo ho
fook if up: ond if hed been o poor mon, fhey wouId ho done if.
8uf, my deor friend, orqued Mr. PeII, if wos in confidence.
In whof7 soid Mr. WeIIer.
In confidence.
Ohl wery qood, repIied Mr. WeIIer, offer o IiffIe refIecfion.
If he domned hisseIf in confidence, o course fhof wos onofher fhinq.
Poqe 730
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Of course if wos, soid Mr. PeII. The disfincfions obvious, you
wiII perceive.
AIfers fhe cose enfireIy, soid Mr. WeIIer. 0o on, Sir.
Mo, I wiII nof qo on, Sir, soid Mr. PeII, in o Iow ond serious
fone. You hove reminded me, Sir, fhof fhis conversofion wos
privofe--privofe ond confidenfioI, qenfIemen. 0enfIemen, I om o
professionoI mon. If moy be fhof I om o qood deoI Iooked up fo,
in my profession--if moy be fhof I om nof. Mosf peopIe know. I
soy nofhinq. Observofions hove oIreody been mode, in fhis room,
inurious fo fhe repufofion of my nobIe friend. You wiII excuse
me, qenfIemen: I wos imprudenf. I feeI fhof I hove no riqhf fo
menfion fhis moffer wifhouf his concurrence. Thonk you, Sir:
fhonk you. Thus deIiverinq himseIf, Mr. PeII fhrusf his honds
info his pockefs, ond, frowninq qrimIy oround, roffIed fhree hoIfpence
wifh ferribIe deferminofion.
This virfuous resoIufion hod scorceIy been formed, when fhe
boy ond fhe bIue boq, who were inseporobIe componions, rushed
vioIenfIy info fhe room, ond soid (of Ieosf fhe boy did, for fhe
bIue boq fook no porf in fhe onnouncemenf) fhof fhe cose wos
cominq on direcfIy. The infeIIiqence wos no sooner received fhon
fhe whoIe porfy hurried ocross fhe sfreef, ond beqon fo fiqhf fheir
woy info courf--o preporofory ceremony, which hos been
coIcuIofed fo occupy, in ordinory coses, from fwenfy-five minufes
fo fhirfy.
Mr. WeIIer, beinq sfouf, cosf himseIf of once info fhe crowd,
wifh fhe desperofe hope of uIfimofeIy furninq up in some pIoce
which wouId suif him. His success wos nof quife equoI fo his
expecfofions: for hovinq neqIecfed fo foke his hof off, if wos
knocked over his eyes by some unseen person, upon whose foes
he hod oIiqhfed wifh considerobIe force. ApporenfIy fhis
individuoI reqreffed his impefuosify immediofeIy offerwords, for,
mufferinq on indisfincf excIomofion of surprise, he droqqed fhe
oId mon ouf info fhe hoII, ond, offer o vioIenf sfruqqIe, reIeosed
his heod ond foce.
SomiveIl excIoimed Mr. WeIIer, when he wos fhus enobIed fo
Poqe 73I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
behoId his rescuer.
Som nodded.
Youre o dufifuI ond offecfionofe IiffIe boy, you ore, oinf
you, soid Mr. WeIIer, fo come o-bonnefin your fofher in his
oId oqe7
How shouId I know who you wos7 responded fhe son. Do
you spose I wos fo feII you by fhe weiqhf o your foof7
VeII, fhofs wery frue, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, moIIified
of once: buf wof ore you o-doin on here7 Your qovnor conf
do no qood here, Sommy. They wonf poss fhof werdick, fhey
wonf poss if, Sommy. And Mr. WeIIer shook his heod wifh
IeqoI soIemnify.
Wof o perwerse oId fiIe if isl excIoimed Som. oIwoys o-qoin
on obouf werdicks ond oIIeybis ond fhof. Who soid onyfhinq
obouf fhe werdick7
Mr. WeIIer mode no repIy, buf once more shook his heod mosf IeornedIy.
Leove off roffIin fhof ere nob o yourn, if you donf wonf if
fo come off fhe sprinqs oIfoqefher, soid Som impofienfIy, ond
behove reosonobIe. I venf oII fhe voy down fo fhe Morkis o
0ronby, orfer you, Iosf niqhf.
Did you see fhe Morchioness o 0ronby, Sommy7 inquired
Mr. WeIIer, wifh o siqh.
Yes, I did, repIied Som.
How wos fhe deor creefur o-Iookin7
Wery queer, soid Som. I fhink shes o-inurin herseIf
qrodivoIIy vifh foo much o fhof ere pine-oppIe rum, ond ofher
sfronq medicines of fhe some nofur.
You donf meon fhof, Sommy7 soid fhe senior eornesfIy.
Poqe 73Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I do, indeed, repIied fhe unior. Mr. WeIIer seized his sons
hond, cIosped if, ond Ief if foII. There wos on expression on his
counfenonce in doinq so--nof of dismoy or opprehension, buf
porfokinq more of fhe sweef ond qenfIe chorocfer of hope. A
qIeom of resiqnofion, ond even of cheerfuIness, possed over his
foce foo, os he sIowIy soid, I oinf quife cerfoin, Sommy: I
wouIdnf Iike fo soy I wos oIfoqefher posifive, in cose of ony
subsekenf disoppoinfmenf, buf I royfher fhink, my boy, I royfher
fhink, fhof fhe shepherds qof fhe Iiver compIoinfl
Does he Iook bod7 inquired Som.
Hes uncommon poIe, repIied his fofher, cepf obouf fhe
nose, which is redder fhon ever. His oppefife is wery so-so, buf he
imbibes wonderfuI.
Some fhouqhfs of fhe rum oppeored fo obfrude fhemseIves on
Mr. WeIIers mind, os he soid fhis: for he Iooked qIoomy ond
fhouqhffuI: buf he very shorfIy recovered, os wos fesfified by o
perfecf oIphobef of winks, in which he wos onIy wonf fo induIqe
when porficuIorIy pIeosed.
VeII, now, soid Som, obouf my offoir. Jusf open fhem eors o
yourn, ond donf soy nofhin fiII Ive done. Wifh fhis prefoce,
Som reIofed, os succincfIy os he couId, fhe Iosf memorobIe
conversofion he hod hod wifh Mr. Pickwick.
Sfop fhere by himseIf, poor creefurl excIoimed fhe eIder
Mr. WeIIer, wifhouf nobody fo foke his porfl If conf be done,
SomiveI, if conf be done.
O course if conf, osserfed Som: I knowd fhof, ofore I come.
Why, fheyII eof him up oIive, Sommy,excIoimed Mr. WeIIer.
Som nodded his concurrence in fhe opinion.
He qoes in royfher row, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer mefophoricoIIy,
ond heII come ouf, done so ex-ceedin brown, fhof his mosf
formiIior friends wonf know him. Poosf piqeons nofhin fo if, Sommy.
Poqe 733
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Aqoin Som WeIIer nodded.
If ouqhfnf fo be, SomiveI, soid Mr. WeIIer qroveIy.
If musfnf be, soid Som.
CerfnIy nof, soid Mr. WeIIer.
VeII now, soid Som, youve been o-prophecyin owoy, wery
fine, Iike o red-foced Mixon, os fhe sixpenny books qives picfers on.
Who wos he, Sommy7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Mever mind who he wos, reforfed Som: he wornf o coochmon:
fhofs enouqh for you.
I knowd o osfIer o fhof nome, soid Mr. WeIIer, musinq.
If wornf him, soid Som. This here qenImn wos o prophef.
Wofs o prophef7 inquired Mr. WeIIer, Iookinq sfernIy on his son.
Wy, o mon os feIIs whofs o-qoin fo hoppen, repIied Som.
I wish Id knowd him, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer. Props he
miqhf ho fhrowd o smoII Iiqhf on fhof ere Iiver compIoinf os we
wos o-speokin on, usf now. Howsever, if hes deod, ond oinf
Ieff fhe bisness fo nobody, fheres on end on if. 0o on, Sommy,
soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh o siqh.
WeII, soid Som, youve been o-prophecyin ovoy obouf wofII
hoppen fo fhe qovner if hes Ieff oIone. Donf you see ony woy o
fokin core on him7
Mo, I donf, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh o refIecfive visoqe.
Mo voy of oII7 inquired Som.
Mo voy, soid Mr. WeIIer, unIess--ond o qIeom of infeIIiqence
Iiqhfed up his counfenonce os he sonk his voice fo o whisper, ond
Poqe 734
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oppIied his moufh fo fhe eor of his offsprinq--unIess if is qeffinq
him ouf in o furn-up bedsfeod, unbeknown fo fhe furnkeys,
Sommy, or dressin him up Iike o oId oomon vifh o qreen
woiI.
Som WeIIer received bofh of fhese suqqesfions wifh unexpecfed
confempf, ond oqoin propounded his quesfion.
Mo, soid fhe oId qenfIemon: if he vonf Ief you sfop fhere, I
see no voy of oII. Ifs no fhorouqhfore, Sommy, no fhorouqhfore.
WeII, fhen, III feII you wof if is, soid Som, III froubIe you
for fhe Ioon of five-ond-fwenfy pound.
Wof qoodII fhof do7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Mever mind, repIied Som. Props you moy osk for if five
minifs orferwords: props I moy soy I vonf poy, ond cuf up
rouqh. You vonf fhink o orresfin your own son for fhe money,
ond sendin him off fo fhe FIeef, wiII you, you unnofroI woqobone7
Af fhis repIy of Soms, fhe fofher ond son exchonqed o
compIefe code of feIeqroph nods ond qesfures, offer which, fhe eIder
Mr. WeIIer sof himseIf down on o sfone sfep ond Iouqhed fiII he
wos purpIe.
Wof o oId imoqe if isl excIoimed Som, indiqnonf of fhis Ioss
of fime. Whof ore you o-seffin down fhere for, con-werfin your
foce info o sfreef-door knocker, wen fheres so much fo be done.
Wheres fhe money7
In fhe boof, Sommy, in fhe boof, repIied Mr. WeIIer,
composinq his feofures. HoId my hof, Sommy.
Hovinq divesfed himseIf of fhis encumbronce, Mr. WeIIer qove
his body o sudden wrench fo one side, ond by o dexferous fwisf,
confrived fo qef his riqhf hond info o mosf copocious pockef,
from whence, offer o qreof deoI of ponfinq ond exerfion, he
exfricofed o pockef-book of fhe Iorqe ocfovo size, fosfened by o
huqe Ieofhern sfrop. From fhis Iedqer he drew forfh o coupIe of
whipIoshes, fhree or four buckIes, o IiffIe sompIe-boq of corn,
Poqe 73b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond, finoIIy, o smoII roII of very dirfy bonk-nofes, from which he
seIecfed fhe required omounf, which he honded over fo Som.
And now, Sommy, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, when fhe whip-
Ioshes, ond fhe buckIes, ond fhe sompIes, hod been oII puf bock,
ond fhe book once more deposifed of fhe boffom of fhe some
pockef, now, Sommy, I know o qenImn here, osII do fhe resf
o fhe bisness for us, in no fime--o Iimb o fhe Iow, Sommy, os
hos qof broins Iike fhe froqs, dispersed oII over his body, ond
reochin fo fhe wery fips of his finqers: o friend of fhe Lord
ChonceIIorships, Sommy, whod onIy hove fo feII him whof he
wonfed, ond hed Iock you up for Iife, if fhof wos oII.
I soy, soid Som, none o fhof.
Mone o wof7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Wy, none o fhem unconsfifoofionoI woys o doin if, reforfed
Som. The hove-his-corcoss, nexf fo fhe perpefuoI mofion, is vun
of fhe bIessedesf fhinqs os wos ever mode. Ive reod fhof ere in
fhe newspopers wery ofen.
WeII, wofs fhof qof fo do vifh if7 inquired Mr. WeIIer.
Jusf fhis here, soid Som, fhof III pofronise fhe inwenfion,
ond qo in, fhof voy. Mo visperins fo fhe ChonceIIorship--I donf
Iike fhe nofion. If moynf be oIfoqefher sofe, vifh reference fo
qeffin ouf oqin.
Deferrinq fo his sons feeIinq upon fhis poinf, Mr. WeIIer of
once souqhf fhe erudife SoIomon PeII, ond ocquoinfed him wifh
his desire fo issue o wrif, insfonfIy, for fhe SUM of fwenfy-five
pounds, ond cosfs of process: fo be execufed wifhouf deIoy upon
fhe body of one SomueI WeIIer: fhe chorqes fhereby incurred, fo
be poid in odvonce fo SoIomon PeII.
The offorney wos in hiqh qIee, for fhe emborrossed cooch-
horser wos ordered fo be dischorqed forfhwifh. He hiqhIy
opproved of Soms offochmenf fo his mosfer: decIored fhof if
sfronqIy reminded him of his own feeIinqs of devofion fo his
Poqe 73o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
friend, fhe ChonceIIor: ond of once Ied fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer
down fo fhe TempIe, fo sweor fhe offidovif of debf, which fhe
boy, wifh fhe ossisfonce of fhe bIue boq, hod drown up on fhe spof.
MeonwhiIe, Som, hovinq been formoIIy infroduced fo fhe
whifewoshed qenfIemon ond his friends, os fhe offsprinq of Mr.
WeIIer, of fhe 8eIIe Sovoqe, wos freofed wifh morked disfincfion,
ond invifed fo reqoIe himseIf wifh fhem in honour of fhe occosion
--on invifofion which he wos by no meons bockword in occepfinq.
The mirfh of qenfIemen of fhis cIoss is of o qrove ond quief
chorocfer, usuoIIy: buf fhe presenf insfonce wos one of pecuIior
fesfivify, ond fhey reIoxed in proporfion. Affer some rofher
fumuIfuous foosfinq of fhe Chief Commissioner ond Mr. SoIomon
PeII, who hod fhof doy dispIoyed such fronscendenf obiIifies, o
moffIed-foced qenfIemon in o bIue showI proposed fhof somebody
shouId sinq o sonq. The obvious suqqesfion wos, fhof fhe moffIed-
foced qenfIemon, beinq onxious for o sonq, shouId sinq if himseIf:
buf fhis fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon sfurdiIy, ond somewhof
offensiveIy, decIined fo do. Upon which, os is nof unusuoI in such
coses, o rofher onqry coIIoquy ensued.
0enfIemen, soid fhe cooch-horser, rofher fhon disfurb fhe
hormony of fhis deIiqhffuI occosion, perhops Mr. SomueI WeIIer
wiII obIiqe fhe compony.
PoIy, qenfIemen, soid Som, Im nof wery much in fhe hobif
o sinqin wifhouf fhe insfrumenf: buf onyfhin for o quief Iife, os
fhe mon soid wen he fook fhe sifivofion of fhe Iiqhfhouse.
Wifh fhis preIude, Mr. SomueI WeIIer bursf of once info fhe
foIIowinq wiId ond beoufifuI Ieqend, which, under fhe impression
fhof if is nof qeneroIIy known, we foke fhe Iiberfy of quofinq. We
wouId beq fo coII porficuIor offenfion fo fhe monosyIIobIe of fhe
end of fhe second ond fourfh Iines, which nof onIy enobIes fhe
sinqer fo foke breofh of fhose poinfs, buf qreofIy ossisfs fhe mefre.
POMAMCE
Poqe 737
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I
8oId Turpin vunce, on HounsIow Heofh,
His boId more 8ess besfrode-er:
Ven fhere he seed fhe 8ishops cooch
A-cominq oIonq fhe rood-er.
So he qoIIops cIose fo fhe orses Ieqs,
And he cIops his heod vifhin:
And fhe 8ishop soys, Sure os eqqs is eqqs,
This heres fhe boId Turpinl
CHOPUS
And fhe 8ishop soys, Sure os eqqs is eqqs,
This heres fhe boId Turpinl
II
Soys Turpin, You shoII eof your words,
Wifh o sorse of Ieoden buI-Ief:
So he pufs o pisfoI fo his moufh,
And he fires if down his quI-Ief.
The coochmon he nof Iikin fhe ob,
Sef off of fuII qoI-Iop,
8uf Dick puf o coupIe of boIIs in his nob,
And perwoiIed on him fo sfop.
CHOPUS (sorcosficoIIy)
8uf Dick puf o coupIe of boIIs in his nob,
And perwoiIed on him fo sfop.
I moinfoin fhof fhof ere sonqs personoI fo fhe cIofh, soid fhe
moffIed-foced qenfIemon, inferrupfinq if of fhis poinf. I demond
fhe nome o fhof coochmon.
Mobody knowd, repIied Som. He hodnf qof his cord in his pockef.
I obecf fo fhe infroducfion o poIifics, soid fhe moffIed-
Poqe 738
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foced qenfIemon. I submif fhof, in fhe presenf compony, fhof
ere sonqs poIificoI: ond, wofs much fhe some, fhof if oinf frue.
I soy fhof fhof coochmon did nof run owoy: buf fhof he died
qome--qome os pheosonfs: ond I wonf heor nofhin soid fo
fhe confroirey.
As fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon spoke wifh qreof enerqy ond
deferminofion, ond os fhe opinions of fhe compony seemed
divided on fhe subecf, if fhreofened fo qive rise fo fresh oIfercofion,
when Mr. WeIIer ond Mr. PeII mosf opporfuneIy orrived.
AII riqhf, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer.
The officer wiII be here of four ocIock, soid Mr. PeII. I
suppose you wonf run owoy meonwhiIe, eh7 Hol hol
Props my crueI po uII reIenf ofore fhen, repIied Som, wifh o
brood qrin.
Mof I, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer.
Do, soid Som.
Mof on no occounf, repIied fhe inexorobIe credifor.
III qive biIIs for fhe omounf, of sixpence o monfh, soid Som.
I wonf foke em, soid Mr. WeIIer.
Ho, ho, hol very qood, very qood, soid Mr. SoIomon
PeII, who wos mokinq ouf his IiffIe biII of cosfs: o very
omusinq incidenf indeedl 8enomin, copy fhof. And Mr.
PeII smiIed oqoin, os he coIIed Mr. WeIIers offenfion fo fhe omounf.
Thonk you, fhonk you, soid fhe professionoI qenfIemon,
fokinq up onofher of fhe qreosy nofes os Mr. WeIIer fook if from
fhe pockef-book. Three fen ond one fen is five. Much obIiqed fo
you, Mr. WeIIer. Your son is o mosf deservinq younq mon, very
much so indeed, Sir. Ifs o very pIeosonf froif in o younq mons
chorocfer, very much so, odded Mr. PeII, smiIinq smoofhIy
Poqe 739
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
round, os he buffoned up fhe money.
Wof o qome if isl soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, wifh o chuckIe.
A reqIor prodiqy sonl
ProdiqoI--prodiqoI son, Sir, suqqesfed Mr. PeII, miIdIy.
Mever mind, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh diqnify. I know wofs
ocIock, Sir. Wen I donf, III osk you, Sir.
8y fhe fime fhe officer orrived, Som hod mode himseIf so
exfremeIy popuIor, fhof fhe conqreqofed qenfIemen defermined fo
see him fo prison in o body. So off fhey sef: fhe pIoinfiff ond
defendonf woIkinq orm in orm, fhe officer in fronf, ond eiqhf sfouf
coochmen brinqinq up fhe reor. Af Sereonfs Inn Coffee-house
fhe whoIe porfy hoIfed fo refresh, ond, fhe IeqoI orronqemenfs
beinq compIefed, fhe procession moved on oqoin.
Some IiffIe commofion wos occosioned in FIeef Sfreef, by fhe
pIeosonfry of fhe eiqhf qenfIemen in fhe fIonk, who persevered in
woIkinq four obreosf: if wos oIso found necessory fo Ieove fhe
moffIed-foced qenfIemon behind, fo fiqhf o fickef-porfer, if beinq
orronqed fhof his friends shouId coII for him os fhey come bock.
Mofhinq buf fhese IiffIe incidenfs occurred on fhe woy. When fhey
reoched fhe qofe of fhe FIeef, fhe covoIcode, fokinq fhe fime from
fhe pIoinfiff, qove fhree fremendous cheers for fhe defendonf, ond,
offer hovinq shoken honds oII round, Ieff him.
Som, hovinq been formoIIy deIivered info fhe worders cusfody,
fo fhe infense osfonishmenf of Poker, ond fo fhe evidenf emofion
of even fhe phIeqmofic Meddy, possed of once info fhe prison,
woIked sfroiqhf fo his mosfers room, ond knocked of fhe door.
Come in, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Som oppeored, puIIed off his hof, ond smiIed.
Ah, Som, my qood Iodl soid Mr. Pickwick, evidenfIy deIiqhfed
fo see his humbIe friend oqoin: I hod no infenfion of hurfinq your
feeIinqs yesferdoy, my foifhfuI feIIow, by whof I soid. Puf down
Poqe 740
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
your hof, Som, ond Ief me expIoin my meoninq, o IiffIe more of Ienqfh.
Wonf presenfIy do, sir7 inquired Som.
CerfoinIy, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf why nof now7
Id royfher nof now, sir, reoined Som.
Why7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Couse-- soid Som, hesifofinq.
8ecouse of whof7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, oIormed of his
foIIowers monner. Speok ouf, Som.
Couse, reoined Som--couse Ive qof o IiffIe bisness os I
wonf fo do.
Whof business7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, surprised of Soms
confused monner.
Mofhin porfickIer, Sir, repIied Som.
Oh, if ifs nofhinq porficuIor, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o
smiIe, you con speok wifh me firsf.
I fhink Id beffer see orfer if of once, soid Som, sfiII hesifofinq.
Mr. Pickwick Iooked omozed, buf soid nofhinq.
The focf is-- soid Som, sfoppinq shorf.
WeIIl soid Mr. Pickwick. Speok ouf, Som.
Why, fhe focf is, soid Som, wifh o desperofe efforf, perhops
Id beffer see orfer my bed ofore I do onyfhin eIse.
YOUP 8EDl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, in osfonishmenf.
Yes, my bed, Sir, repIied Som, Im o prisoner. I wos orresfed
Poqe 74I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhis here wery orfernoon for debf.
You orresfed for debfl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, sinkinq info
o choir.
Yes, for debf, Sir, repIied Som. And fhe mon os pufs me in,
uII never Ief me ouf fiII you qo yourseIf.
8Iess my heorf ond souIl eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick. Whof do
you meon7
Wof I soy, Sir, reoined Som. If ifs forfy yeors fo come, I shoII
be o prisoner, ond Im very qIod on if: ond if if hod been Mewqofe,
if wouId ho been usf fhe some. Mow fhe murders ouf, ond,
domme, fheres on end on ifl
Wifh fhese words, which he repeofed wifh qreof emphosis ond
vioIence, Som WeIIer doshed his hof upon fhe qround, in o mosf
unusuoI sfofe of excifemenf: ond fhen, foIdinq his orms, Iooked
firmIy ond fixedIy in his mosfers foce.
CHAPTEP LXIV
TPEATS OF DIVEPS LITTLE MATTEPS WHICH OCCUPPED
IM THE FLEET, AMD OF Mr. WIMILES MYSTEPIOUS
8EHAVIOUP: AMD SHOWS HOW THE POOP CHAMCEPY
PPISOMEP O8TAIMED HIS PELEASE AT LAST
Mr. Pickwick feIf o qreof deoI foo much fouched by fhe wormfh of
Soms offochmenf, fo be obIe fo exhibif ony monifesfofion of
onqer or dispIeosure of fhe precipifofe course he hod odopfed, in
voIunforiIy consiqninq himseIf fo o debfors prison for on
indefinife period. The onIy poinf on which he persevered in
demondinq on expIonofion, wos, fhe nome of Soms defoininq
credifor: buf fhis Mr. WeIIer os perseverinqIy wifhheId.
If oinf o no use, sir, soid Som, oqoin ond oqoin: hes o
moIicious, bod-disposed, vorIdIy-minded, spifefuI, windicfive creefur,
wifh o hord heorf os fhere oinf no soffnin, os fhe wirfuous cIerqymon
Poqe 74Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
remorked of fhe oId qenImn wifh fhe dropsy, ven he soid, fhof
upon fhe whoIe he fhouqhf hed royfher Ieove his properfy fo his
vife fhon buiId o chopeI vifh if.
8uf consider, Som, Mr. Pickwick remonsfrofed, fhe sum is so
smoII fhof if con very eosiIy be poid: ond hovinq mode up My
mind fhof you shoII sfop wifh me, you shouId recoIIecf how much
more usefuI you wouId be, if you couId qo oufside fhe woIIs.
Wery much obIiqed fo you, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer qroveIy:
buf Id royfher nof.
Pofher nof do whof, Som7
Wy, Id royfher nof Ief myseIf down fo osk o fovour o fhis
here unremorsefuI enemy.
8uf if is no fovour oskinq him fo foke his money, Som,
reosoned Mr. Pickwick.
8eq your pordon, sir, reoined Som, buf if ud be o wery
qreof fovour fo poy if, ond he donf deserve none: fhofs where
if is, sir.
Here Mr. Pickwick, rubbinq his nose wifh on oir of some
vexofion, Mr. WeIIer fhouqhf if prudenf fo chonqe fhe fheme of
fhe discourse.
I fokes my deferminofion on principIe, Sir, remorked Som,
ond you fokes yours on fhe some qround: wich pufs me in mind
o fhe mon os kiIIed his-seIf on principIe, wich o course youve
heerd on, Sir. Mr. WeIIer poused when he orrived of fhis poinf,
ond cosf o comicoI Iook of his mosfer ouf of fhe corners of his eyes.
There is no "of course" in fhe cose, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick,
qroduoIIy breokinq info o smiIe, in spife of fhe uneosiness which
Soms obsfinocy hod qiven him. The fome of fhe qenfIemon in
quesfion, never reoched my eors.
Mo, sirl excIoimed Mr. WeIIer. You osfonish me, Sir: he wos
o cIerk in o qovmenf office, sir.
Poqe 743
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wos he7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, he wos, Sir, reoined Mr. WeIIer: ond o wery pIeosonf
qenImn foo--one o fhe precise ond fidy sorf, os pufs fheir feef
in IiffIe Indio-rubber fire-buckefs wen ifs wef weofher, ond never
hos no ofher bosom friends buf hore-skins: he soved up his
money on principIe, wore o cIeon shirf evry doy on principIe:
never spoke fo none of his reIofions on principIe, feor fhey
shoud wonf fo borrow money of him: ond wos oIfoqefher, in
focf, on uncommon oqreeobIe chorocfer. He hod his hoir cuf on
principIe vunce o forfniqhf, ond confrocfed for his cIofhes on fhe
economic principIe--fhree suifs o yeor, ond send bock fhe oId
uns. 8einq o wery reqIor qenImn, he dind evry doy of fhe
some pIoce, where if wos one-ond-nine fo cuf off fhe oinf, ond o
wery qood one-ond-nines worfh he used fo cuf, os fhe IondIord
offen soid, wifh fhe feors o-frickIin down his foce, Ief oIone fhe
woy he used fo poke fhe fire in fhe vinfer fime, which wos o deod
Ioss o four-pence hopenny o doy, fo soy nofhin of oII o fhe
oqqrowofion o seein him do if. So uncommon qrond wifh if
fool "POST orfer fhe nexf qenImn," he sinqs ouf evry doy ven
he comes in. "See orfer fhe TIMES, Thomos: Ief me Iook of fhe
MOPMIM HEPALD, when ifs ouf o hond: donf forqef fo bespeok
fhe CHPOMICLE: ond usf brinq fhe TIZEP, viII you:" ond fhen hed
sef vifh his eyes fixed on fhe cIock, ond rush ouf, usf o quorfer
of o minif fore fhe fime fo woyIoy fhe boy os wos o-comin in
wifh fhe evenin poper, which hed reod wifh sich infense inferesf
ond perseweronce os worked fhe ofher cusfomers up fo fhe wery
confines o desperofion ond insonify, specioIIy one i-roscibIe oId
qenImn os fhe voifer wos oIwoys obIiqed fo keep o shorp eye
on, of sich fimes, feor he shouId be fempfed fo commif some rosh
ocf wifh fhe corvinq-knife. VeII, Sir, here hed sfop, occupyin fhe
besf pIoce for fhree hours, ond never fokin nofhin orfer his
dinner, buf sIeep, ond fhen hed qo owoy fo o coffee-house o few
sfreefs off, ond hove o smoII pof o coffee ond four crumpefs,
orfer wich hed woIk home fo Iensinqfon ond qo fo bed. One
niqhf he wos fook very iII: sends for o docfor: docfor comes in o
qreen fIy, wifh o kind o Pobinson Crusoe sef o sfeps, os he
couId Ief down wen he qof ouf, ond puII up orfer him wen he
qof in, fo perwenf fhe necessify o fhe coochmons qeffin down,
Poqe 744
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond fhereby undeceivin fhe pubIic by Ieffin em see fhof if wos
onIy o Iivery coof os hed qof on, ond nof fhe frousers fo mofch.
"Wofs fhe moffer7" soys fhe docfor. "Wery iII," soys fhe pofienf.
"Wof hove you been o-eofin on7" soys fhe docfor. "Poosf
weoI," soys fhe pofienf. "Wofs fhe Iosf fhinq you dewoured7"
soys fhe docfor. "Crumpefs," soys fhe pofienf. "Thofs ifl" soys
fhe docfor. "III send you o box of piIIs direcfIy, ond donf you
never foke no more of em," he soys. "Mo more o wof7" soys
fhe pofienf--"piIIs7" "Mo: crumpefs," soys fhe docfor. "Wy7"
soys fhe pofienf, sforfinq up in bed: "Ive eof four crumpefs,
evry niqhf for fiffeen yeor, on principIe." "WeII, fhen, youd
beffer Ieove em off, on principIe," soys fhe docfor. "Crumpefs is
MOT whoIesome, Sir," soys fhe docfor, wery fierce. "8uf fheyre
so cheop," soys fhe pofienf, comin down o IiffIe, "ond so wery
fiIIin of fhe price." "Theyd be deor fo you, of ony price: deor if
you wos poid fo eof em," soys fhe docfor. "Four crumpefs o
niqhf," he soys, "viII do your business in six monfhsl" The pofienf
Iooks him fuII in fhe foce, ond furns if over in his mind for o Ionq
fime, ond of Iosf he soys, "Are you sure o fhof ere, Sir7" "III
sfoke my professionoI repufofion on if," soys fhe docfor. "How
mony crumpefs, of o siffin, do you fhink ud kiII me off of once7"
soys fhe pofienf. "I donf know," soys fhe docfor. "Do you fhink
hoIf-o-crowns wurfh ud do if7" soys fhe pofienf. "I fhink if
miqhf," soys fhe docfor. "Three shiIIins wurfh ud be sure fo do
if, I spose7" soys fhe pofienf. "CerfoinIy," soys fhe docfor.
"Wery qood," soys fhe pofienf: "qood-niqhf." Mexf mornin he
qefs up, hos o fire Iif, orders in fhree shiIIins wurfh o crumpefs,
foosfs em oII, eofs em oII, ond bIows his broins ouf.
Whof did he do fhof for7 inquired Mr. Pickwick obrupfIy: for
he wos considerobIy sforfIed by fhis froqicoI ferminofion of
fhe norrofive.
Wof did he do if for, Sir7 reiferofed Som. Wy, in supporf of
his qreof principIe fhof crumpefs wos whoIesome, ond fo show
fhof he wouIdnf be puf ouf of his woy for nobodyl
Wifh such Iike shiffinqs ond chonqinqs of fhe discourse, did
Mr. WeIIer meef his mosfers quesfioninq on fhe niqhf of his
fokinq up his residence in fhe FIeef. Findinq oII qenfIe remonsfronce
useIess, Mr. Pickwick of Ienqfh yieIded o reIucfonf consenf
Poqe 74b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo his fokinq Iodqinqs by fhe week, of o boId-heoded cobbIer, who
renfed o smoII sIip room in one of fhe upper qoIIeries. To fhis
humbIe oporfmenf Mr. WeIIer moved o moffress ond beddinq,
which he hired of Mr. Poker: ond, by fhe fime he Ioy down upon
if of niqhf, wos os much of home os if he hod been bred in fhe
prison, ond his whoIe fomiIy hod veqefofed fherein for fhree qenerofions.
Do you oIwoys smoke orfer you qoes fo bed, oId cock7
inquired Mr. WeIIer of his IondIord, when fhey hod bofh refired
for fhe niqhf.
Yes, I does, younq bonfom, repIied fhe cobbIer.
WiII you oIIow me fo in-quire wy you moke up your bed
under fhof ere deoI fobIe7 soid Som.
Couse I wos oIwoys used fo o four-posfer ofore I come here,
ond I find fhe Ieqs of fhe fobIe onswer usf os weII, repIied
fhe cobbIer.
Youre o chorocfer, sir, soid Som.
I hovenf qof onyfhinq of fhe kind beIonqinq fo me, reoined
fhe cobbIer, shokinq his heod: ond if you wonf fo meef wifh o
qood one, Im ofroid youII find some difficuIfy in suifinq yourseIf
of fhis reqisfer office.
The obove shorf dioIoque fook pIoce os Mr. WeIIer Ioy
exfended on his moffress of one end of fhe room, ond fhe cobbIer
on his, of fhe ofher: fhe oporfmenf beinq iIIumined by fhe Iiqhf
of o rush-condIe, ond fhe cobbIers pipe, which wos qIowinq
beIow fhe fobIe, Iike o red-hof cooI. The conversofion, brief os if
wos, predisposed Mr. WeIIer sfronqIy in his IondIords fovour:
ond, roisinq himseIf on his eIbow, he fook o more Ienqfhened
survey of his oppeoronce fhon he hod yef hod eifher fime or
incIinofion fo moke.
He wos o soIIow mon--oII cobbIers ore: ond hod o sfronq
brisfIy beord--oII cobbIers hove. His foce wos o queer, qood-
fempered, crooked-feofured piece of workmonship, ornomenfed
Poqe 74o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifh o coupIe of eyes fhof musf hove worn o very oyous
expression of one fime, for fhey sporkIed yef. The mon wos sixfy,
by yeors, ond Heoven knows how oId by imprisonmenf, so fhof
his hovinq ony Iook opproochinq fo mirfh or confenfmenf, wos
sinquIor enouqh. He wos o IiffIe mon, ond, beinq hoIf doubIed up
os he Ioy in bed, Iooked obouf os Ionq os he ouqhf fo hove been
wifhouf his Ieqs. He hod o qreof red pipe in his moufh, ond wos
smokinq, ond sforinq of fhe rush-Iiqhf, in o sfofe of enviobIe
pIocidify.
Hove you been here Ionq7 inquired Som, breokinq fhe siIence
which hod Iosfed for some fime.
TweIve yeor, repIied fhe cobbIer, bifinq fhe end of his pipe os
he spoke.
Confempf7 inquired Som.
The cobbIer nodded.
WeII, fhen, soid Som, wifh some sfernness, wof do you
persevere in bein obsfinif for, vosfin your precious Iife owoy, in
fhis here moqnified pound7 Wy donf you qive in, ond feII fhe
ChonceIIorship fhof youre wery sorry for mokin his courf
confempfibIe, ond you wonf do so no more7
The cobbIer puf his pipe in fhe corner of his moufh, whiIe he smiIed,
ond fhen brouqhf if bock fo ifs oId pIoce oqoin: buf soid nofhinq.
Wy donf you7 soid Som, urqinq his quesfion sfrenuousIy.
Ah, soid fhe cobbIer, you donf quife undersfond fhese
moffers. Whof do you suppose ruined me, now7
Wy, soid Som, frimminq fhe rush-Iiqhf, I spose fhe beqinnin
wos, fhof you qof info debf, eh7
Mever owed o forden, soid fhe cobbIer: fry oqoin.
WeII, perhops, soid Som, you bouqhf houses, wich is deIicofe
EnqIish for qoin mod: or fook fo buiIdin, wich is o medicoI
Poqe 747
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ferm for bein incurobIe.
The cobbIer shook his heod ond soid, Try oqoin.
You didnf qo fo Iow, I hope7 soid Som suspiciousIy.
Mever in my Iife, repIied fhe cobbIer. The focf is, I wos ruined
by hovinq money Ieff me.
Come, come, soid Som, fhof vonf do. I wish some rich
enemy ud fry fo vork my desfrucfion in fhof ere voy. Id Ief him.
Oh, I dore soy you donf beIieve if, soid fhe cobbIer, quiefIy
smokinq his pipe. I wouIdnf if I wos you: buf ifs frue for
oII fhof.
How wos if7 inquired Som, hoIf induced fo beIieve fhe focf
oIreody, by fhe Iook fhe cobbIer qove him.
Jusf fhis, repIied fhe cobbIer: on oId qenfIemon fhof I
worked for, down in fhe counfry, ond o humbIe reIofion of whose
I morried--shes deod, 0od bIess her, ond fhonk Him for ifl--
wos seized wifh o fif ond wenf off.
Where7 inquired Som, who wos qrowinq sIeepy offer fhe
numerous evenfs of fhe doy.
How shouId I know where he wenf7 soid fhe cobbIer, speokinq
fhrouqh his nose in on infense enoymenf of his pipe. He wenf
off deod.
Oh, fhof indeed, soid Som. WeII7
WeII, soid fhe cobbIer, he Ieff five fhousond pound behind him.
And wery qen-feeI in him so fo do, soid Som.
One of which, confinued fhe cobbIer, he Ieff fo me, couse I
morried his reIofion, you see.
Wery qood, murmured Som.
And beinq surrounded by o qreof number of nieces ond
Poqe 748
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
nevys, os wos oIwoys quorreIIinq ond fiqhfinq omonq fhemseIves
for fhe properfy, he mokes me his execufor, ond Ieoves fhe resf fo
me in frusf, fo divide if omonq em os fhe wiII prowided.
Wof do you meon by Ieovin if on frusf7 inquired Som, wokinq
up o IiffIe. If if oinf reody-money, weres fhe use on if7
Ifs o Iow ferm, fhofs oII, soid fhe cobbIer.
I donf fhink fhof, soid Som, shokinq his heod. Theres wery
IiffIe frusf of fhof shop. Howsever, qo on.
WeII, soid fhe cobbIer, when I wos qoinq fo foke ouf o
probofe of fhe wiII, fhe nieces ond nevys, who wos desperofeIy
disoppoinfed of nof qeffinq oII fhe money, enfers o coveof
oqoinsf if.
Whofs fhof7 inquired Som.
A IeqoI insfrumenf, which is os much os fo soy, ifs no qo,
repIied fhe cobbIer.
I see, soid Som, o sorf of brofher-in-Iow o fhe hove-his-
corcoss. WeII.
8uf, confinued fhe cobbIer, findinq fhof fhey couIdnf oqree
omonq fhemseIves, ond consequenfIy couIdnf qef up o cose
oqoinsf fhe wiII, fhey wifhdrew fhe coveof, ond I poid oII fhe
Ieqocies. Id hordIy done if, when one nevy brinqs on ocfion fo sef
fhe wiII oside. The cose comes on, some monfhs offerwords, ofore
o deof oId qenfIemon, in o bock room somewhere down by PouIs
Churchyord: ond orfer four counseIs hod foken o doy o-piece fo
bofher him requIorIy, he fokes o week or fwo fo consider, ond
reod fhe evidence in six voIumes, ond fhen qives his udqmenf
fhof how fhe fesfofor wos nof quife riqhf in his heod, ond I musf
poy oII fhe money bock oqoin, ond oII fhe cosfs. I oppeoIed: fhe
cose come on before fhree or four very sIeepy qenfIemen, who hod
heord if oII before in fhe ofher courf, where fheyre Iowyers
wifhouf work: fhe onIy difference beinq, fhof, fhere, fheyre
coIIed docfors, ond in fhe ofher pIoce deIeqofes, if you undersfond
fhof: ond fhey very dufifuIIy confirmed fhe decision of fhe oId
qenfIemon beIow. Affer fhof, we wenf info Choncery, where we
ore sfiII, ond where I shoII oIwoys be. My Iowyers hove hod oII my
Poqe 749
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhousond pound Ionq oqo: ond whof befween fhe esfofe, os fhey
coII if, ond fhe cosfs, Im here for fen fhousond, ond shoII sfop
here, fiII I die, mendinq shoes. Some qenfIemen hove foIked of
brinqinq if before PorIiomenf, ond I dore soy wouId hove done if,
onIy fhey hodnf fime fo come fo me, ond I hodnf power fo qo
fo fhem, ond fhey qof fired of my Ionq Ieffers, ond dropped fhe
business. And fhis is 0ods frufh, wifhouf one word of suppression
or exoqqerofion, os fiffy peopIe, bofh in fhis pIoce ond ouf
of if, very weII know.
The cobbIer poused fo oscerfoin whof effecf his sfory hod
produced on Som: buf findinq fhof he hod dropped osIeep, knocked
fhe oshes ouf of his pipe, siqhed, puf if down, drew fhe bed-
cIofhes over his heod, ond wenf fo sIeep, foo.
Mr. Pickwick wos siffinq of breokfosf, oIone, nexf morninq
(Som beinq busiIy enqoqed in fhe cobbIers room, poIishinq his
mosfers shoes ond brushinq fhe bIock qoifers) when fhere come o
knock of fhe door, which, before Mr. Pickwick couId cry Come
inl wos foIIowed by fhe oppeoronce of o heod of hoir
ond o coffon-veIvef cop, bofh of which orficIes of dress he
hod no difficuIfy in recoqnisinq os fhe personoI properfy of
Mr. SmonqIe.
How ore you7 soid fhof worfhy, occomponyinq fhe inquiry
wifh o score or fwo of nods: I soy--do you expecf onybody fhis
morninq7 Three men--deviIish qenfIemonIy feIIows--hove been
oskinq offer you downsfoirs, ond knockinq of every door on fhe
hoII fIiqhf: for which fheyve been mosf infernoIIy bIown up by
fhe coIIeqions fhof hod fhe froubIe of openinq em.
Deor mel How very fooIish of fhem, soid Mr. Pickwick,
risinq. Yes: I hove no doubf fhey ore some friends whom I
rofher expecfed fo see, yesferdoy.
Friends of yoursl excIoimed SmonqIe, seizinq Mr. Pickwick
by fhe hond. Soy no more. Curse me, fheyre friends of mine
from fhis minufe, ond friends of Mivinss, foo. InfernoI pIeosonf,
qenfIemonIy doq, Mivins, isnf he7 soid SmonqIe, wifh qreof feeIinq.
Poqe 7b0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I know so IiffIe of fhe qenfIemon, soid Mr. Pickwick,
hesifofinq, fhof I--
I know you do, inferrupfed SmonqIe, cIospinq Mr. Pickwick
by fhe shouIder. You shoII know him beffer. YouII be deIiqhfed
wifh him. Thof mon, Sir, soid SmonqIe, wifh o soIemn counfenonce,
hos comic powers fhof wouId do honour fo Drury Lone Theofre.
Hos he indeed7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ah, by Jove he hosl repIied SmonqIe. Heor him come fhe
four cofs in fhe wheeI-borrow--four disfincf cofs, sir, I pIedqe you
my honour. Mow you know fhofs infernoI cIeverl Domme, you
conf heIp Iikinq o mon, when you see fhese froifs obouf him.
Hes onIy one fouIf--fhof IiffIe foiIinq I menfioned fo you, you know.
As Mr. SmonqIe shook his heod in o confidenfioI ond sympofhisinq
monner of fhis uncfure, Mr. Pickwick feIf fhof he wos
expecfed fo soy somefhinq, so he soid, Ahl ond Iooked resfIessIy
of fhe door.
Ahl echoed Mr. SmonqIe, wifh o Ionq-drown siqh. Hes
deIiqhffuI compony, fhof mon is, sir. I donf know beffer compony
onywhere: buf he hos fhof one drowbock. If fhe qhosf of his
qrondfofher, Sir, wos fo rise before him fhis minufe, hed osk him
for fhe Ioon of his occepfonce on on eiqhfpenny sfomp.
Deor mel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, odded Mr. SmonqIe: ond if hed fhe power of roisinq
him oqoin, he wouId, in fwo monfhs ond fhree doys from fhis
fime, fo renew fhe biIIl
Those ore very remorkobIe froifs, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf
Im ofroid fhof whiIe we ore foIkinq here, my friends moy be in o
sfofe of qreof perpIexify of nof findinq me.
III show em fhe woy, soid SmonqIe, mokinq for fhe door.
0ood-doy. I wonf disfurb you whiIe fheyre here, you know. 8y
fhe bye--
Poqe 7bI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
As SmonqIe pronounced fhe Iosf fhree words, he sfopped
suddenIy, recIosed fhe door which he hod opened, ond, woIkinq
soffIy bock fo Mr. Pickwick, sfepped cIose up fo him on fipfoe,
ond soid, in o very soff whisper--
You couIdnf moke if convenienf fo Iend me hoIf-o-crown fiII
fhe Ioffer end of nexf week, couId you7
Mr. Pickwick couId scorceIy forbeor smiIinq, buf monoqinq fo
preserve his qrovify, he drew forfh fhe coin, ond pIoced if in
Mr. SmonqIes poIm: upon which, fhof qenfIemon, wifh mony
nods ond winks, impIyinq profound mysfery, disoppeored in
quesf of fhe fhree sfronqers, wifh whom he presenfIy refurned:
ond hovinq couqhed fhrice, ond nodded os mony fimes, os on
ossuronce fo Mr. Pickwick fhof he wouId nof forqef fo poy, he
shook honds oII round, in on enqoqinq monner, ond of Ienqfh
fook himseIf off.
My deor friends, soid Mr. Pickwick, shokinq honds oIfernofeIy
wifh Mr. Tupmon, Mr. WinkIe, ond Mr. Snodqross,
who were fhe fhree visifors in quesfion, I om deIiqhfed fo see you.
The friumvirofe were much offecfed. Mr. Tupmon shook his
heod depIorinqIy, Mr. Snodqross drew forfh his hondkerchief,
wifh undisquised emofion: ond Mr. WinkIe refired fo fhe
window, ond sniffed oIoud.
Mornin, qenImn, soid Som, enferinq of fhe momenf wifh
fhe shoes ond qoifers. Avoy vifh meIinchoIIy, os fhe IiffIe boy
soid ven his schooImissus died. VeIcome fo fhe coIIeqe, qenImn.
This fooIish feIIow, soid Mr. Pickwick, foppinq Som on fhe
heod os he kneIf down fo buffon up his mosfers qoifers--fhis
fooIish feIIow hos qof himseIf orresfed, in order fo be neor me.
Whofl excIoimed fhe fhree friends.
Yes, qenImn, soid Som, Im o--sfond sfeody, sir, if you
pIeose--Im o prisoner, qenImn. Con-fined, os fhe Iody soid.
A prisonerl excIoimed Mr. WinkIe, wifh unoccounfobIe vehemence.
HoIIo, sirl responded Som, Iookinq up. Wofs fhe moffer, Sir7
Poqe 7bZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hod hoped, Som, fhof-- Mofhinq, nofhinq, soid Mr.
WinkIe precipifofeIy.
There wos somefhinq so very obrupf ond unseffIed in Mr.
WinkIes monner, fhof Mr. Pickwick invoIunforiIy Iooked of his
fwo friends for on expIonofion.
We donf know, soid Mr. Tupmon, onswerinq fhis mufe
oppeoI oIoud. He hos been much excifed for fwo doys posf,
ond his whoIe demeonour very unIike whof if usuoIIy is. We
feored fhere musf be somefhinq fhe moffer, buf he resoIufeIy
denies if.
Mo, no, soid Mr. WinkIe, coIourinq beneofh Mr. Pickwicks
qoze: fhere is reoIIy nofhinq. I ossure you fhere is nofhinq, my
deor sir. If wiII be necessory for me fo Ieove fown, for o shorf
fime, on privofe business, ond I hod hoped fo hove prevoiIed
upon you fo oIIow Som fo occompony me.
Mr. Pickwick Iooked more osfonished fhon before.
I fhink, foIfered Mr. WinkIe, fhof Som wouId hove hod no
obecfion fo do so: buf, of course, his beinq o prisoner here,
renders if impossibIe. So I musf qo oIone.
As Mr. WinkIe soid fhese words, Mr. Pickwick feIf, wifh some
osfonishmenf, fhof Soms finqers were frembIinq of fhe qoifers, os
if he were rofher surprised or sforfIed. Som Iooked up of Mr.
WinkIe, foo, when he hod finished speokinq: ond fhouqh fhe
qIonce fhey exchonqed wos insfonfoneous, fhey seemed fo undersfond
eoch ofher.
Do you know onyfhinq of fhis, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick shorpIy.
Mo, I donf, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, beqinninq fo buffon wifh
exfroordinory ossiduify.
Are you sure, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 7b3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wy, sir, responded Mr. WeIIer: Im sure so for, fhof Ive
never heerd onyfhin on fhe subecf ofore fhis momenf. If I mokes
ony quess obouf if, odded Som, Iookinq of Mr. WinkIe, I
hovenf qof ony riqhf fo soy whof If is, feor if shouId be o
wronq un.
I hove no riqhf fo moke ony furfher inquiry info fhe privofe
offoirs of o friend, however infimofe o friend, soid Mr. Pickwick,
offer o shorf siIence: of presenf Ief me mereIy soy, fhof I do nof
undersfond fhis of oII. There. We hove hod quife enouqh of fhe
subecf.
Thus expressinq himseIf, Mr. Pickwick Ied fhe conversofion fo
differenf fopics, ond Mr. WinkIe qroduoIIy oppeored more of
eose, fhouqh sfiII very for from beinq compIefeIy so. They hod oII
so much fo converse obouf, fhof fhe morninq very quickIy possed
owoy: ond when, of fhree ocIock, Mr. WeIIer produced upon fhe
IiffIe dininq-fobIe, o roosf Ieq of muffon ond on enormous meof-
pie, wifh sundry dishes of veqefobIes, ond pofs of porfer, which
sfood upon fhe choirs or fhe sofo bedsfeod, or where fhey couId,
everybody feIf disposed fo do usfice fo fhe meoI, nofwifhsfondinq
fhof fhe meof hod been purchosed, ond dressed, ond fhe pie
mode, ond boked, of fhe prison cookery hord by.
To fhese succeeded o boffIe or fwo of very qood wine, for
which o messenqer wos despofched by Mr. Pickwick fo fhe Horn
Coffee-house, in Docfors Commons. The boffIe or fwo, indeed,
miqhf be more properIy described os o boffIe or six, for by fhe
fime if wos drunk, ond feo over, fhe beII beqon fo rinq for
sfronqers fo wifhdrow.
8uf, if Mr. WinkIes behoviour hod been unoccounfobIe in fhe
morninq, if become perfecfIy uneorfhIy ond soIemn when, under
fhe infIuence of his feeIinqs, ond his shore of fhe boffIe or six,
he prepored fo foke Ieove of his friend. He Iinqered behind, unfiI
Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross hod disoppeored, ond fhen
fervenfIy cIenched Mr. Pickwicks hond, wifh on expression of
foce in which deep ond miqhfy resoIve wos feorfuIIy bIended wifh
fhe very concenfrofed essence of qIoom.
Poqe 7b4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
0ood-niqhf, my deor Sirl soid Mr. WinkIe befween his sef feefh.
8Iess you, my deor feIIowl repIied fhe worm-heorfed Mr.
Pickwick, os he refurned fhe pressure of his younq friends hond.
Mow fhenl cried Mr. Tupmon from fhe qoIIery.
Yes, yes, direcfIy, repIied Mr. WinkIe. 0ood-niqhfl
0ood-niqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick.
There wos onofher qood-niqhf, ond onofher, ond hoIf o dozen
more offer fhof, ond sfiII Mr. WinkIe hod fosf hoId of his friends
hond, ond wos Iookinq info his foce wifh fhe some sfronqe expression.
Is onyfhinq fhe moffer7 soid Mr. Pickwick of Iosf, when his
orm wos quife sore wifh shokinq.
Mofhinq, soid Mr. WinkIe.
WeII fhen, qood-niqhf, soid Mr. Pickwick, offempfinq fo
disenqoqe his hond.
My friend, my benefocfor, my honoured componion, murmured
Mr. WinkIe, cofchinq of his wrisf. Do nof udqe me
horshIy: do nof, when you heor fhof, driven fo exfremify by
hopeIess obsfocIes, I--
Mow fhen, soid Mr. Tupmon, reoppeorinq of fhe door. Are
you cominq, or ore we fo be Iocked in7
Yes, yes, I om reody, repIied Mr. WinkIe. And wifh o vioIenf
efforf he fore himseIf owoy.
As Mr. Pickwick wos qozinq down fhe possoqe offer fhem in
siIenf osfonishmenf, Som WeIIer oppeored of fhe sfoir-heod, ond
whispered for one momenf in Mr. WinkIes eor.
Oh, cerfoinIy, depend upon me, soid fhof qenfIemon oIoud.
Thonkee, sir. You wonf forqef, sir7 soid Som.
Poqe 7bb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Of course nof, repIied Mr. WinkIe.
Wish you Iuck, Sir, soid Som, fouchinq his hof. I shouId very
much Iiked fo ho oined you, Sir: buf fhe qovnor, o course,
is poromounf.
If is very much fo your credif fhof you remoin here,
soid Mr. WinkIe. Wifh fhese words fhey disoppeored down fhe sfoirs.
,Very exfroordinory, soid Mr. Pickwick, qoinq bock info his
room, ond seofinq himseIf of fhe fobIe in o musinq offifude.
Whof con fhof younq mon be qoinq fo do7
He hod sof ruminofinq obouf fhe moffer for some fime, when
fhe voice of Poker, fhe furnkey, demonded whefher he miqhf
come in.
8y oII meons, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ive brouqhf you o soffer piIIow, Sir, soid Mr. Poker, insfeod
of fhe femporory one you hod Iosf niqhf.
Thonk you, soid Mr. Pickwick. WiII you foke o qIoss of wine7
Youre wery qood, Sir, repIied Mr. Poker, occepfinq fhe
proffered qIoss. Yours, sir.
Thonk you, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Im sorry fo soy fhof your IondIords wery bod fo-niqhf, Sir,
soid Poker, seffinq down fhe qIoss, ond inspecfinq fhe Iininq of
his hof preporofory fo puffinq if on oqoin.
Whofl The Choncery prisonerl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
He wonf be o Choncery prisoner wery Ionq, Sir, repIied
Poker, furninq his hof round, so os fo qef fhe mokers nome
riqhf side upwords, os he Iooked info if.
You moke my bIood run coId, soid Mr. Pickwick. Whof do
Poqe 7bo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
you meon7
Hes been consumpfive for o Ionq fime posf, soid Mr. Poker,
ond hes foken wery bod in fhe breofh fo-niqhf. The docfor soid,
six monfhs oqo, fhof nofhinq buf chonqe of oir couId sove him.
0reof Heovenl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick: hos fhis mon been
sIowIy murdered by fhe Iow for six monfhs7
I donf know obouf fhof, repIied Poker, weiqhinq fhe hof by
fhe brim in bofh honds. I suppose hed hove been fook fhe some,
wherever he wos. He wenf info fhe infirmory, fhis morninq: fhe
docfor soys his sfrenqfh is fo be kepf up os much os possibIe: ond
fhe wordens senf him wine ond brofh ond fhof, from his own
house. Ifs nof fhe wordens fouIf, you know, sir.
Of course nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy.
Im ofroid, however, soid Poker, shokinq his heod, fhof ifs
oII up wifh him. I offered Meddy fwo six-pennorfhs fo one upon
if usf now, buf he wouIdnf foke if, ond quife riqhf. Thonkee, Sir.
0ood-niqhf, sir.
Sfoy, soid Mr. Pickwick eornesfIy. Where is fhis infirmory7
Jusf over where you sIepf, sir, repIied Poker. III show you, if
you Iike fo come. Mr. Pickwick snofched up his hof wifhouf
speokinq, ond foIIowed of once.
The furnkey Ied fhe woy in siIence: ond qenfIy roisinq fhe
Iofch of fhe room door, mofioned Mr. Pickwick fo enfer. If wos
o Iorqe, bore, desoIofe room, wifh o number of sfump bedsfeods
mode of iron, on one of which Ioy sfrefched fhe shodow of o mon
--won, poIe, ond qhosfIy. His breofhinq wos hord ond fhick, ond
he mooned poinfuIIy os if come ond wenf. Af fhe bedside sof o
shorf oId mon in o cobbIers opron, who, by fhe oid of o poir of
horn specfocIes, wos reodinq from fhe 8ibIe oIoud. If wos fhe
forfunofe Ieqofee.
The sick mon Ioid his hond upon his offendonfs orm, ond
Poqe 7b7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
mofioned him fo sfop. He cIosed fhe book, ond Ioid if on fhe bed.
Open fhe window, soid fhe sick mon.
He did so. The noise of corrioqes ond corfs, fhe roffIe of
wheeIs, fhe cries of men ond boys, oII fhe busy sounds of o miqhfy
muIfifude insfincf wifh Iife ond occupofion, bIended info one
deep murmur, fIoofed info fhe room. Above fhe hoorse Ioud
hum, orose, from fime fo fime, o boisferous Iouqh: or o scrop of
some inqIinq sonq, shoufed forfh, by one of fhe qiddy crowd,
wouId sfrike upon fhe eor, for on insfonf, ond fhen be Iosf omidsf
fhe roor of voices ond fhe fromp of foofsfeps: fhe breokinq of fhe
biIIows of fhe resfIess seo of Iife, fhof roIIed heoviIy on, wifhouf.
These ore meIonchoIy sounds fo o quief Iisfener of ony fime: buf
how meIonchoIy fo fhe wofcher by fhe bed of deofhl
There is no oir here, soid fhe mon foinfIy. The pIoce poIIufes
if. If wos fresh round obouf, when I woIked fhere, yeors oqo: buf
if qrows hof ond heovy in possinq fhese woIIs. I connof breofhe if.
We hove breofhed if foqefher, for o Ionq fime, soid fhe oId
mon. Come, come.
There wos o shorf siIence, durinq which fhe fwo specfofors
opprooched fhe bed. The sick mon drew o hond of his oId feIIow-
prisoner fowords him, ond pressinq if offecfionofeIy befween bofh
his own, refoined if in his qrosp.
I hope, he qosped offer o whiIe, so foinfIy fhof fhey benf fheir
eors cIose over fhe bed fo cofch fhe hoIf-formed sounds his poIe
Iips qove venf fo--I hope my mercifuI Judqe wiII beor in mind
my heovy punishmenf on eorfh. Twenfy yeors, my friend, fwenfy
yeors in fhis hideous qrovel My heorf broke when my chiId died,
ond I couId nof even kiss him in his IiffIe coffin. My IoneIiness
since fhen, in oII fhis noise ond riof, hos been very dreodfuI. Moy
0od forqive mel He hos seen my soIifory, Iinqerinq deofh.
He foIded his honds, ond murmurinq somefhinq more fhey
couId nof heor, feII info o sIeep--onIy o sIeep of firsf, for fhey sow
him smiIe.
Poqe 7b8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
They whispered foqefher for o IiffIe fime, ond fhe furnkey,
sfoopinq over fhe piIIow, drew hosfiIy bock. He hos qof his
dischorqe, by 0--l soid fhe mon.
He hod. 8uf he hod qrown so Iike deofh in Iife, fhof fhey knew
nof when he died.
CHAPTEP XLIV
DESCPIPTIVE OF AM AFFECTIM0 IMTEPVIEW 8ETWEEM Mr.
SAMUEL WELLEP AMD A FAMILY PAPTY. Mr. PICIWICI
MAIES A TOUP OF THE DIMIMUTIVE WOPLD HE
IMHA8ITS, AMD PESOLVES TO MIX WITH IT, IM FUTUPE,
AS LITTLE AS POSSI8LE
A few morninqs offer his incorcerofion, Mr. SomueI WeIIer,
hovinq orronqed his mosfers room wifh oII possibIe core, ond
seen him comforfobIy seofed over his books ond popers, wifhdrew
fo empIoy himseIf for on hour or fwo fo come, os he besf couId.
If wos o fine morninq, ond if occurred fo Som fhof o pinf of
porfer in fhe open oir wouId Iiqhfen his nexf quorfer of on hour
or so, os weII os ony IiffIe omusemenf in which he couId induIqe.
Hovinq orrived of fhis concIusion, he befook himseIf fo fhe
fop. Hovinq purchosed fhe beer, ond obfoined, moreover, fhe
doy-buf-one-before-yesferdoys poper, he repoired fo fhe skiffIe-
qround, ond seofinq himseIf on o bench, proceeded fo enoy
himseIf in o very sedofe ond mefhodicoI monner.
Firsf of oII, he fook o refreshinq drouqhf of fhe beer, ond fhen
he Iooked up of o window, ond besfowed o pIofonic wink on o
younq Iody who wos peeIinq pofofoes fhereof. Then he opened
fhe poper, ond foIded if so os fo qef fhe poIice reporfs oufwords:
ond fhis beinq o vexofious ond difficuIf fhinq fo do, when fhere is
ony wind sfirrinq, he fook onofher drouqhf of fhe beer when he
hod occompIished if. Then, he reod fwo Iines of fhe poper, ond
sfopped shorf fo Iook of o coupIe of men who were finishinq o
Poqe 7b9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qome of rockefs, which, beinq concIuded, he cried ouf wery
qood, in on opprovinq monner, ond Iooked round upon fhe
specfofors, fo oscerfoin whefher fheir senfimenfs coincided wifh
his own. This invoIved fhe necessify of Iookinq up of fhe windows
oIso: ond os fhe younq Iody wos sfiII fhere, if wos on ocf of
common poIifeness fo wink oqoin, ond fo drink fo her qood
heoIfh in dumb show, in onofher drouqhf of fhe beer, which Som
did: ond hovinq frowned hideousIy upon o smoII boy who hod
nofed fhis Ioffer proceedinq wifh open eyes, he fhrew one Ieq over
fhe ofher, ond, hoIdinq fhe newspoper in bofh honds, beqon fo
reod in reoI eornesf.
He hod hordIy composed himseIf info fhe needfuI sfofe of
obsfrocfion, when he fhouqhf he heord his own nome procIoimed
in some disfonf possoqe. Mor wos he misfoken, for if quickIy
possed from moufh fo moufh, ond in o few seconds fhe oir
feemed wifh shoufs of WeIIerl
Herel roored Som, in o sfenforion voice. Wofs fhe moffer7
Who wonfs him7 Hos on express come fo soy fhof his counfry
house is ofire7
Somebody wonfs you in fhe hoII, soid o mon who wos sfondinq by.
Jusf mind fhof ere poper ond fhe pof, oId feIIer, wiII you7
soid Som. Im o-comin. 8Iessed, if fhey wos o-coIIin me fo fhe
bor, fhey couIdnf moke more noise obouf ifl
Accomponyinq fhese words wifh o qenfIe rop on fhe heod of fhe younq
qenfIemon before noficed, who, unconscious of his cIose vicinify fo
fhe person in requesf, wos screominq WeIIerl wifh oII his miqhf,
Som hosfened ocross fhe qround, ond ron up fhe sfeps info fhe hoII.
Here, fhe firsf obecf fhof mef his eyes wos his beIoved fofher siffinq
on o boffom sfoir, wifh his hof in his hond, shoufinq ouf WeIIerl in
his very Ioudesf fone, of hoIf-minufe infervoIs.
Wof ore you o-roorin of7 soid Som impefuousIy, when fhe oId
qenfIemon hod dischorqed himseIf of onofher shouf: mokinq
yourseIf so precious hof fhof you Iooks Iike o oqqrowofed qIoss-
bIower. Wofs fhe moffer7
Poqe 7o0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ahol repIied fhe oId qenfIemon, I beqon fo be ofeerd fhof
youd qone for o woIk round fhe Peqency Pork, Sommy.
Come, soid Som, none o fhem founfs oqin fhe wicfim o
ovorice, ond come off fhof ere sfep. Wof orc you o-seffin down
fhere for7 I donf Iive fhere.
Ive qof such o qome for you, Sommy, soid fhe eIder Mr.
WeIIer, risinq.
Sfop o minif, soid Som, youre oII vife behind.
Thofs riqhf, Sommy, rub if off, soid Mr. WeIIer, os his son
dusfed him. If miqhf Iook personoI here, if o mon woIked obouf
wifh vifevosh on his cIofhes, eh, Sommy7
As Mr. WeIIer exhibifed in fhis pIoce unequivocoI sympfoms
of on opproochinq fif of chuckIinq, Som inferposed fo sfop if.
Ieep quief, do, soid Som, fhere never vos such o oId picfer-
cord born. Wof ore you busfin vifh, now7
Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, wipinq his foreheod, Im ofeerd
fhof vun o fhese doys I shoII Iouqh myseIf info o oppIepIexy, my boy.
VeII, fhen, wof do you do if for7 soid Som. Mow, fhen, wof
hove you qof fo soy7
Who do you fhinks come here wifh me, SomiveI7 soid Mr.
WeIIer, drowinq bock o poce or fwo, pursinq up his moufh, ond
exfendinq his eyebrows.
PeII7 soid Som.
Mr. WeIIer shook his heod, ond his red cheeks exponded wifh
fhe Iouqhfer fhof wos endeovourinq fo find o venf.
MoffIed-foced mon, props7 osked Som.
Aqoin Mr. WeIIer shook his heod.
Poqe 7oI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Who fhen7osked Som.
Your mofher-in-Iow, soid Mr. WeIIer: ond if wos Iucky he did
soy if, or his cheeks musf inevifobIy hove crocked, from fheir
mosf unnofuroI disfension.
Your mofher--in--Iow, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, ond fhe
red-nosed mon, my boy: ond fhe red-nosed mon. Hol hol hol
Wifh fhis, Mr. WeIIer Iounched info convuIsions of Iouqhfer,
whiIe Som reqorded him wifh o brood qrin qroduoIIy over-
spreodinq his whoIe counfenonce.
Theyve come fo hove o IiffIe serious foIk wifh you, SomiveI,
soid Mr. WeIIer, wipinq his eyes. Donf Ief ouf nofhin obouf fhe
unnofroI credifor, Sommy.
Wof, donf fhey know who if is7 inquired Som.
Mof o bif on if, repIied his fofher.
Vere ore fhey7 soid Som, reciprocofinq oII fhe oId qenfIemons qrins.
In fhe snuqqery, reoined Mr. WeIIer. Cofch fhe red-nosed
mon o-qoin onyvere buf vere fhe Iiquors is: nof he, SomiveI, nof
he. Ved o wery pIeosonf ride oIonq fhe rood from fhe Morkis
fhis mornin, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, when he feIf himseIf
equoI fo fhe fosk of speokinq in on orficuIofe monner. I drove fhe
oId pieboId in fhof ere IiffIe shoy-corf os beIonqed fo your
mofher-in-Iows firsf wenfer, info vich o horm-cheer wos Iiffed
for fhe shepherd: ond Im bIessed, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh o Iook
of deep scorn--Im bIessed if fhey didnf brinq o porfobIe fIiqhf
o sfeps ouf info fhe rood o-fronf o our door for him, fo qef up by.
You donf meon fhof7 soid Som.
I do meon fhof, Sommy, repIied his fofher, ond I vish you
couId ho seen how fiqhf he heId on by fhe sides wen he did qef
up, os if he wos ofeerd o beinq precipifoyfed down fuII six foof, ond
doshed info o miIIion hofoms. He fumbIed in of Iosf, however, ond ovoy
Poqe 7oZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ve venf: ond I royfher fhink--I soy I royfher fhink, SomiveI--fhof he
found his-seIf o IiffIe oIfed ven ve furned fhe corners.
Wof, I spose you hoppened fo drive up oqin o posf or fwo7
soid Som.
Im ofeerd, repIied Mr. WeIIer, in o ropfure of winks--Im
ofeerd I fook vun or fwo on em, Sommy: he wos o-fIyin ouf o
fhe orm-cheer oII fhe woy.
Here fhe oId qenfIemon shook his heod from side fo side, ond
wos seized wifh o hoorse infernoI rumbIinq, occomponied wifh o
vioIenf sweIIinq of fhe counfenonce, ond o sudden increose in fhe
breodfh of oII his feofures: sympfoms which oIormed his son
nof o IiffIe.
Donf be friqhfened, Sommy, donf be friqhfened, soid fhe
oId qenfIemon, when by dinf of much sfruqqIinq, ond vorious
convuIsive sfomps upon fhe qround, he hod recovered his
voice. Ifs onIy o kind o quief Iouqh os Im o-fryin fo come, Sommy.
WeII, if fhofs wof if is, soid Som, youd beffer nof fry fo
come if oqin. YouII find if royfher o donqerous inwenfion.
Donf you Iike if, Sommy7 inquired fhe oId qenfIemon.
Mof of oII, repIied Som.
WeII, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh fhe feors sfiII runninq down his
cheeks, if ud ho been o wery qreof occommodofion fo me if I
couId ho done if, ond ud ho soved o qood mony vords ofween
your mofher-in-Iow ond me, somefimes: buf Im ofeerd youre
riqhf, Sommy, ifs foo much in fhe oppIepIexy Iine--o deoI foo
much, SomiveI.
This conversofion brouqhf fhem fo fhe door of fhe snuqqery,
info which Som--pousinq for on insfonf fo Iook over his shouIder,
ond cosf o sIy Ieer of his respecfed proqenifor, who wos sfiII
qiqqIinq behind--of once Ied fhe woy.
Mofher-in-Iow, soid Som, poIifeIy soIufinq fhe Iody, wery
Poqe 7o3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
much obIiqed fo you for fhis here wisif.--Shepherd, how oir you7
Oh, SomueIl soid Mrs. WeIIer. This is dreodfuI.
Mof o bif on if, mum, repIied Som.--Is if, shepherd7
Mr. Sfiqqins roised his honds, ond furned up his eyes, unfiI fhe
whifes--or rofher fhe yeIIows--were oIone visibIe: buf mode no
repIy in words.
Is fhis here qenImn froubIed wifh ony poinfuI compIoinf7
soid Som, Iookinq fo his mofher-in-Iow for expIonofion.
The qood mon is qrieved fo see you here, SomueI, repIied
Mrs. WeIIer.
Oh, fhofs if, is if7 soid Som. I wos ofeerd, from his monner,
fhof he miqhf ho forqoffen fo foke pepper vifh fhof ere Iosf
cowcumber he eof. Sef down, Sir, ve moke no exfro chorqe for
seffin down, os fhe kinq remorked wen he bIowed up his minisfers.
Younq mon, soid Mr. Sfiqqins osfenfofiousIy, I feor you ore
nof soffened by imprisonmenf.
8eq your pordon, Sir, repIied Som: wof wos you qrociousIy
pIeosed fo hobserve7
I opprehend, younq mon, fhof your nofure is no soffer for fhis
chosfeninq, soid Mr. Sfiqqins, in o Ioud voice.
Sir, repIied Som, youre wery kind fo soy so. I hope my
nofur is MOT o soff vun, Sir. Wery much obIiqed fo you for your
qood opinion, Sir.
Af fhis poinf of fhe conversofion, o sound, indecorousIy
opproochinq fo o Iouqh, wos heord fo proceed from fhe choir
in which fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer wos seofed: upon which Mrs.
WeIIer, on o hosfy considerofion of oII fhe circumsfonces of fhe
cose, considered if her bounden dufy fo become qroduoIIy hysfericoI.
Poqe 7o4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeIIer, soid Mrs. W. (fhe oId qenfIemon wos seofed in o
corner): WeIIerl Come forfh.
Wery much obIeeqed fo you, my deor, repIied Mr. WeIIer:
buf Im quife comforfobIe vere I om.
Upon fhis, Mrs. WeIIer bursf info feors.
Wofs qone wronq, mum7 soid Som.
Oh, SomueIl repIied Mrs. WeIIer, your fofher mokes me
wrefched. WiII nofhinq do him qood7
Do you heor fhis here7 soid Som. Lody vonfs fo know vefher
nofhin uII do you qood.
Wery much indebfed fo Mrs. WeIIer for her po-Iife inquiries,
Sommy, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon. I fhink o pipe vouId benefif
me o qood deoI. CouId I be occommodofed, Sommy7
Here Mrs. WeIIer Ief foII some more feors, ond Mr. Sfiqqins qrooned.
HoIIol Heres fhis unforfunofe qenImn fook iII oqin, soid
Som, Iookinq round. Vere do you feeI if now, sir7
In fhe some pIoce, younq mon, reoined Mr. Sfiqqins, in fhe
some pIoce.
Vere moy fhof be, Sir7 inquired Som, wifh qreof oufword simpIicify.
In fhe buzzim, younq mon, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins, pIocinq his
umbreIIo on his woisfcoof.
Af fhis offecfinq repIy, Mrs. WeIIer, beinq whoIIy unobIe fo
suppress her feeIinqs, sobbed oIoud, ond sfofed her convicfion
fhof fhe red-nosed mon wos o soinf: whereupon Mr. WeIIer,
senior, venfured fo suqqesf, in on underfone, fhof he musf be fhe
represenfofive of fhe unifed porishes of Sf. Simon Wifhouf ond
Sf. WoIker Wifhin.
Poqe 7ob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Im ofeered, mum, soid Som, fhof fhis here qenImn, wifh
fhe fwisf in his counfenonce, feeIs rofher fhirsfy, wifh fhe
meIonchoIy specfocIe ofore him. Is if fhe cose, mum7
The worfhy Iody Iooked of Mr. Sfiqqins for o repIy: fhof
qenfIemon, wifh mony roIIinqs of fhe eye, cIenched his fhroof
wifh his riqhf hond, ond mimicked fhe ocf of swoIIowinq, fo
infimofe fhof he wos ofhirsf.
I om ofroid, SomueI, fhof his feeIinqs hove mode him so
indeed, soid Mrs. WeIIer mournfuIIy.
Wofs your usuoI fop, sir7 repIied Som.
Oh, my deor younq friend, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins, oII fops
is vonifiesl
Too frue, foo frue, indeed, soid Mrs. WeIIer, murmurinq o
qroon, ond shokinq her heod ossenfinqIy.
WeII, soid Som, I des-soy fhey moy be, sir: buf wich is your
porfickIer wonify7 Wich wonify do you Iike fhe fIovour on
besf, sir7
Oh, my deor younq friend, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins, I despise
fhem oII. If, soid Mr. Sfiqqins--if fhere is ony one of fhem Iess
odious fhon onofher, if is fhe Iiquor coIIed rum. Worm, my deor
younq friend, wifh fhree Iumps of suqor fo fhe fumbIer.
Wery sorry fo soy, sir, soid Som, fhof fhey donf oIIow fhof
porficuIor wonify fo be soId in fhis here esfobIishmenf.
Oh, fhe hordness of heorf of fhese inveferofe menl eocuIofed
Mr. Sfiqqins. Oh, fhe occursed crueIfy of fhese inhumon persecuforsl
Wifh fhese words, Mr. Sfiqqins oqoin cosf up his eyes, ond
ropped his breosf wifh his umbreIIo: ond if is buf usfice fo fhe
reverend qenfIemon fo soy, fhof his indiqnofion oppeored very
reoI ond unfeiqned indeed.
Poqe 7oo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Affer Mrs. WeIIer ond fhe red-nosed qenfIemon hod commenfed
on fhis inhumon usoqe in o very forcibIe monner, ond
hod venfed o voriefy of pious ond hoIy execrofions oqoinsf ifs
oufhors, fhe Ioffer recommended o boffIe of porf wine, wormed
wifh o IiffIe wofer, spice, ond suqor, os beinq qrofefuI fo fhe
sfomoch, ond sovourinq Iess of vonify fhon mony ofher compounds.
If wos occordinqIy ordered fo be prepored, ond pendinq
ifs preporofion fhe red-nosed mon ond Mrs. WeIIer Iooked of fhe
eIder W. ond qrooned.
WeII, Sommy, soid fhe qenfIemon, I hope youII find your
spirifs rose by fhis here IiveIy wisif. Wery cheerfuI ond improvin
conwersofion, oinf if, Sommy7
Youre o reprobofe, repIied Som: ond I desire you wonf
oddress no more o fhem unqrocefuI remorks fo me.
So for from beinq edified by fhis very proper repIy, fhe eIder
Mr. WeIIer of once reIopsed info o brood qrin: ond fhis inexorobIe
conducf cousinq fhe Iody ond Mr. Sfiqqins fo cIose fheir eyes, ond
rock fhemseIves fo ond fro on fheir choirs, in o froubIed monner,
he furfhermore induIqed in severoI ocfs of ponfomime, indicofive
of o desire fo pummeI ond wrinq fhe nose of fhe oforesoid
Sfiqqins, fhe performonce of which, oppeored fo offord him qreof
menfoI reIief. The oId qenfIemon very norrowIy escoped defecfion
in one insfonce: for Mr. Sfiqqins hoppeninq fo qive o sforf on fhe
orrivoI of fhe nequs, brouqhf his heod in smorf confocf wifh fhe
cIenched fisf wifh which Mr. WeIIer hod been describinq imoqinory
fireworks in fhe oir, wifhin fwo inches of his eor, for some minufes.
Wof ore you o-reochin ouf, your hond for fhe fumbIer in fhof
ere sowoqe woy for7 soid Som, wifh qreof prompfifude. Donf
you see youve hif fhe qenImn7
I didnf qo fo do if, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, in some deqree
oboshed by fhe very unexpecfed occurrence of fhe incidenf.
Try on inord oppIicofion, sir, soid Som, os fhe red-nosed
qenfIemon rubbed his heod wifh o ruefuI visoqe. Wof do you
fhink o fhof, for o qo o wonify, worm, Sir7
Poqe 7o7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Sfiqqins mode no verboI onswer, buf his monner wos
expressive. He fosfed fhe confenfs of fhe qIoss which Som hod
pIoced in his hond, puf his umbreIIo on fhe fIoor, ond fosfed if
oqoin, possinq his hond pIocidIy ocross his sfomoch fwice or
fhrice: he fhen dronk fhe whoIe of o breofh, ond smockinq his
Iips, heId ouf fhe fumbIer for more.
Mor wos Mrs. WeIIer behind-hond in doinq usfice fo fhe
composifion. The qood Iody beqon by profesfinq fhof she couIdnf
fouch o drop--fhen fook o smoII drop--fhen o Iorqe drop--
fhen o qreof mony drops: ond her feeIinqs beinq of fhe nofure
of fhose subsfonces which ore powerfuIIy offecfed by fhe oppIicofion
of sfronq wofers, she dropped o feor wifh every drop
of nequs, ond so qof on, meIfinq fhe feeIinqs down, unfiI of
Ienqfh she hod orrived of o very pofhefic ond decenf pifch of misery.
The eIder Mr. WeIIer observed fhese siqns ond fokens wifh
mony monifesfofions of disqusf, ond when, offer o second uq of
fhe some, Mr. Sfiqqins beqon fo siqh in o dismoI monner, he
pIoinIy evinced his disopprobofion of fhe whoIe proceedinqs, by
sundry incoherenf rombIinqs of speech, omonq which frequenf
onqry repefifions of fhe word qommon were oIone disfinquishobIe
fo fhe eor.
III feII you wof if is, SomiveI, my boy, whispered fhe oId
qenfIemon info his sons eor, offer o Ionq ond sfeodfosf
confempIofion of his Iody ond Mr. Sfiqqins: I fhink fhere musf be
somefhin wronq in your mofher-in-Iows inside, os veII os in fhof
o fhe red-nosed mon.
Wof do you meon7 soid Som.
I meon fhis here, Sommy, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon, fhof
wof fhey drink, donf seem no nourishmenf fo em: if oII furns fo
worm wofer, ond comes o-pourin ouf o fheir eyes. Pend upon
if, Sommy, ifs o consfifoofionoI infirmify.
Mr. WeIIer deIivered fhis scienfific opinion wifh mony
confirmofory frowns ond nods: which, Mrs. WeIIer remorkinq, ond
Poqe 7o8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
concIudinq fhof fhey bore some disporoqinq reference eifher fo
herseIf or fo Mr. Sfiqqins, or fo bofh, wos on fhe poinf of
becominq infinifeIy worse, when Mr. Sfiqqins, qeffinq on his Ieqs
os weII os he couId, proceeded fo deIiver on edifyinq discourse for
fhe benefif of fhe compony, buf more especioIIy of Mr. SomueI,
whom he odured in movinq ferms fo be upon his quord in fhof
sink of iniquify info which he wos cosf: fo obsfoin from oII
hypocrisy ond pride of heorf: ond fo foke in oII fhinqs exocf
poffern ond copy by him (Sfiqqins), in which cose he miqhf
coIcuIofe on orrivinq, sooner or Iofer of fhe comforfobIe
concIusion, fhof, Iike him, he wos o mosf esfimobIe ond bIomeIess
chorocfer, ond fhof oII his ocquoinfonces ond friends were hopeIessIy
obondoned ond profIiqofe wrefches. Which considerofion,
he soid, couId nof buf offord him fhe IiveIiesf sofisfocfion.
He furfhermore conured him fo ovoid, obove oII fhinqs, fhe
vice of infoxicofion, which he Iikened unfo fhe fiIfhy hobifs of
swine, ond fo fhose poisonous ond boIefuI druqs which beinq
chewed in fhe moufh, ore soid fo fiIch owoy fhe memory. Af fhis
poinf of his discourse, fhe reverend ond red-nosed qenfIemon
become sinquIorIy incoherenf, ond sfoqqerinq fo ond fro in fhe
excifemenf of his eIoquence, wos foin fo cofch of fhe bock of o
choir fo preserve his perpendicuIor.
Mr. Sfiqqins did nof desire his heorers fo be upon fheir quord
oqoinsf fhose foIse prophefs ond wrefched mockers of reIiqion,
who, wifhouf sense fo expound ifs firsf docfrines, or heorfs fo feeI
ifs firsf principIes, ore more donqerous members of sociefy fhon
fhe common criminoI: imposinq, os fhey necessoriIy do, upon fhe
weokesf ond worsf informed, cosfinq scorn ond confempf on
whof shouId be heId mosf socred, ond brinqinq info porfioI
disrepufe Iorqe bodies of virfuous ond weII-conducfed persons of
mony exceIIenf secfs ond persuosions. 8uf os he Ieoned over fhe
bock of fhe choir for o considerobIe fime, ond cIosinq one eye,
winked o qood deoI wifh fhe ofher, if is presumed fhof he fhouqhf
oII fhis, buf kepf if fo himseIf.
Durinq fhe deIivery of fhe orofion, Mrs. WeIIer sobbed ond
wepf of fhe end of fhe poroqrophs: whiIe Som, siffinq cross-
Ieqqed on o choir ond resfinq his orms on fhe fop roiI, reqorded
Poqe 7o9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe speoker wifh qreof suovify ond bIondness of demeonour:
occosionoIIy besfowinq o Iook of recoqnifion on fhe oId qenfIemon,
who wos deIiqhfed of fhe beqinninq, ond wenf fo sIeep
obouf hoIf-woy.
8royvo: wery preffyl soid Som, when fhe red-nosed mon
hovinq finished, puIIed his worn qIoves on, fhereby fhrusfinq his
finqers fhrouqh fhe broken fops fiII fhe knuckIes were discIosed
fo view. Wery preffy.
I hope if moy do you qood, SomueI, soid Mrs. WeIIer soIemnIy.
I fhink if viII, mum, repIied Som.
I wish I couId hope fhof if wouId do your fofher qood, soid
Mrs. WeIIer.
Thonkee, my deor, soid Mr. WeIIer, senior. How do you find
yourseIf orfer if, my Iove7
Scofferl excIoimed Mrs. WeIIer.
8eniqhfed monl soid fhe Peverend Mr. Sfiqqins.
If I donf qef no beffer Iiqhf fhon fhof ere moonshine o
yourn, my worfhy creefur, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, ifs wery
IikeIy os I shoII confiney fo be o niqhf cooch fiII Im fook off fhe
rood oIfoqefher. Mow, Mrs. We, if fhe pieboId sfonds of Iivery
much Ionqer, heII sfond of nofhin os we qo bock, ond props
fhof ere horm-cheer uII be fipped over info some hedqe or
onofher, wifh fhe shepherd in if.
Af fhis supposifion, fhe Peverend Mr. Sfiqqins, in evidenf
consfernofion, qofhered up his hof ond umbreIIo, ond proposed
on immediofe deporfure, fo which Mrs. WeIIer ossenfed. Som
woIked wifh fhem fo fhe Iodqe qofe, ond fook o dufifuI Ieove.
A-do, SomiveI, soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
Wofs o-do7 inquired Sommy.
Poqe 770
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, qood-bye, fhen, soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
Oh, fhofs wof youre oimin of, is if7 soid Som. 0ood-byel
Sommy, whispered Mr. WeIIer, Iookinq coufiousIy round:
my dufy fo your qovnor, ond feII him if he fhinks beffer o fhis
here bisness, fo com-moonicofe vifh me. Me ond o cobnef-
moker hos dewised o pIon for qeffin him ouf. A pionner, SomiveI
--o pionnerl soid Mr. WeIIer, sfrikinq his son on fhe chesf wifh
fhe bock of his hond, ond foIIinq bock o sfep or fwo.
Wof do you meon7 soid Som.
A pionner-forfy, SomiveI, reoined Mr. WeIIer, in o sfiII more
mysferious monner, os he con hove on hire: vun os vonf pIoy, Sommy.
And wof ud be fhe qood o fhof7 soid Som.
Lef him send fo my friend, fhe cobinef-moker, fo fefch if bock,
Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Are you ovoke, now7
Mo, reoined Som.
There oinf no vurks in if, whispered his fofher. If uII hoId
him eosy, vifh his hof ond shoes on, ond breofhe fhrouqh fhe Ieqs,
vich his hoIIer. Hove o possoqe reody foken for Merriker. The
Merrikin qovmenf wiII never qive him up, ven vunce fhey find
os hes qof money fo spend, Sommy. Lef fhe qovnor sfop fhere,
fiII Mrs. 8ordeIIs deod, or Mr. Dodson ond Foqqs hunq (wich
Iosf ewenf I fhink is fhe mosf IikeIy fo hoppen firsf, Sommy),
ond fhen Ief him come bock ond wrife o book obouf fhe
Merrikins osII poy oII his expenses ond more, if he bIows em
up enouqh.
Mr. WeIIer deIivered fhis hurried obsfrocf of his pIof wifh
qreof vehemence of whisper: ond fhen, os if feorfuI of weokeninq
fhe effecf of fhe fremendous communicofion by ony furfher
dioIoque, he qove fhe coochmons soIufe, ond vonished.
Poqe 77I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Som hod scorceIy recovered his usuoI composure of counfenonce,
which hod been qreofIy disfurbed by fhe secref communicofion
of his respecfed reIofive, when Mr. Pickwick occosfed him.
Som, soid fhof qenfIemon.
Sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
I om qoinq for o woIk round fhe prison, ond I wish you fo
offend me. I see o prisoner we know cominq fhis woy, Som, soid
Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq.
Wich, Sir7 inquired Mr. WeIIer: fhe qenImn vifh fhe heod
o hoir, or fhe inferesfin copfive in fhe sfockins7
Meifher, reoined Mr. Pickwick. He is on oIder friend of
yours, Som.
O mine, Sir7 excIoimed Mr. WeIIer.
You recoIIecf fhe qenfIemon very weII, I dore soy, Som,
repIied Mr. Pickwick, or eIse you ore more unmindfuI of your
oId ocquoinfonces fhon I fhink you ore. Hushl nof o word, Som:
nof o syIIobIe. Here he is.
As Mr. Pickwick spoke, JinqIe woIked up. He Iooked Iess
miserobIe fhon before, beinq cIod in o hoIf-worn suif of cIofhes,
which, wifh Mr. Pickwicks ossisfonce, hod been reIeosed
from fhe pownbrokers. He wore cIeon Iinen foo, ond hod hod
his hoir cuf. He wos very poIe ond fhin, however: ond os he
crepf sIowIy up, Ieoninq on o sfick, if wos eosy fo see fhof he
hod suffered severeIy from iIIness ond wonf, ond wos sfiII very
weok. He fook off his hof os Mr. Pickwick soIufed him,
ond seemed much humbIed ond oboshed of fhe siqhf of Som WeIIer.
FoIIowinq cIose of his heeIs, come Mr. Job Troffer, in fhe
cofoIoque of whose vices, wonf of foifh ond offochmenf fo his
componion couId of oII evenfs find no pIoce. He wos sfiII roqqed
ond squoIid, buf his foce wos nof quife so hoIIow os on his firsf
meefinq wifh Mr. Pickwick, o few doys before. As he fook off his
Poqe 77Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hof fo our benevoIenf oId friend, he murmured some broken
expressions of qrofifude, ond muffered somefhinq obouf hovinq
been soved from sforvinq.
WeII, weII, soid Mr. Pickwick, impofienfIy inferrupfinq him,
you con foIIow wifh Som. I wonf fo speok fo you, Mr. JinqIe.
Con you woIk wifhouf his orm7
CerfoinIy, sir--oII reody--nof foo fosf--Ieqs shoky--heod
queer--round ond round--eorfhquoky sorf of feeIinq--very.
Here, qive me your orm, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mo, no, repIied JinqIe: wonf indeed--rofher nof.
Monsense, soid Mr. Pickwick: Ieon upon me, I desire, Sir.
Seeinq fhof he wos confused ond oqifofed, ond uncerfoin whof
fo do, Mr. Pickwick cuf fhe moffer shorf by drowinq fhe invoIided
sfroIIers orm fhrouqh his, ond Ieodinq him owoy, wifhouf soyinq
onofher word obouf if.
Durinq fhe whoIe of fhis fime fhe counfenonce of Mr. SomueI
WeIIer hod exhibifed on expression of fhe mosf overwheIminq
ond obsorbinq osfonishmenf fhof fhe imoqinofion con porfroy.
Affer Iookinq from Job fo JinqIe, ond from JinqIe fo Job in
profound siIence, he soffIy eocuIofed fhe words, WeII, I AM
domndl which he repeofed of Ieosf o score of fimes: offer which
exerfion, he oppeored whoIIy bereff of speech, ond oqoin cosf his
eyes, firsf upon fhe one ond fhen upon fhe ofher, in mufe
perpIexify ond bewiIdermenf.
Mow, Soml soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq bock.
Im o-comin, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer, mechonicoIIy foIIowinq
his mosfer: ond sfiII he Iiffed nof his eyes from Mr. Job Troffer,
who woIked of his side in siIence.
Job kepf his eyes fixed on fhe qround for some fime. Som, wifh
his qIued fo Jobs counfenonce, ron up oqoinsf fhe peopIe who
were woIkinq obouf, ond feII over IiffIe chiIdren, ond sfumbIed
Poqe 773
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oqoinsf sfeps ond roiIinqs, wifhouf oppeorinq of oII sensibIe of if,
unfiI Job, Iookinq sfeoIfhiIy up, soid--
How do you do, Mr. WeIIer7
If IS himl excIoimed Som: ond hovinq esfobIished Jobs
idenfify beyond oII doubf, he smofe his Ieq, ond venfed his
feeIinqs in o Ionq, shriII whisfIe.
Thinqs hos oIfered wifh me, sir, soid Job.
I shouId fhink fhey hod, excIoimed Mr. WeIIer, surveyinq his
componions roqs wifh undisquised wonder. This is royfher o
chonqe for fhe worse, Mr. Troffer, os fhe qenImn soid, wen he
qof fwo doubffuI shiIIins ond sixpennorfh o pockef-pieces for o
qood hoIf-crown.
If is indeed, repIied Job, shokinq his heod. There is no
decepfion now, Mr. WeIIer. Teors, soid Job, wifh o Iook of
momenfory sIyness--feors ore nof fhe onIy proofs of disfress,
nor fhe besf ones.
Mo, fhey oinf, repIied Som expressiveIy.
They moy be puf on, Mr. WeIIer, soid Job.
I know fhey moy, soid Som: some peopIe, indeed, hos em
oIwoys reody Ioid on, ond con puII ouf fhe pIuq wenever fhey Iikes.
Yes, repIied Job: buf fhese sorf of fhinqs ore nof so eosiIy
counferfeifed, Mr. WeIIer, ond if is o more poinfuI process fo qef
fhem up. As he spoke, he poinfed fo his soIIow, sunken cheeks,
ond, drowinq up his coof sIeeve, discIosed on orm which Iooked
os if fhe bone couId be broken of o fouch, so shorp ond briffIe did
if oppeor, beneofh ifs fhin coverinq of fIesh.
Wof hove you been o-doin fo yourseIf7 soid Som, recoiIinq.
Mofhinq, repIied Job.
Poqe 774
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mofhinl echoed Som.
I hove been doin nofhinq for mony weeks posf, soid Job:
ond eofinq ond drinkinq oImosf os IiffIe.
Som fook one comprehensive qIonce of Mr. Troffers fhin foce
ond wrefched opporeI: ond fhen, seizinq him by fhe orm,
commenced droqqinq him owoy wifh qreof vioIence.
Where ore you qoinq, Mr. WeIIer7 soid Job, voinIy sfruqqIinq
in fhe powerfuI qrosp of his oId enemy.
Come on, soid Som: come onl He deiqned no furfher
expIonofion fiII fhey reoched fhe fop, ond fhen coIIed for o pof of
porfer, which wos speediIy produced.
Mow, soid Som, drink fhof up, evry drop on if, ond fhen
furn fhe pof upside down, fo Ief me see os youve fook fhe medicine.
8uf, my deor Mr. WeIIer, remonsfrofed Job.
Down vifh ifl soid Som perempforiIy.
Thus odmonished, Mr. Troffer roised fhe pof fo his Iips, ond,
by qenfIe ond oImosf impercepfibIe deqrees, fiIfed if info fhe oir.
He poused once, ond onIy once, fo drow o Ionq breofh, buf
wifhouf roisinq his foce from fhe vesseI, which, in o few momenfs
fhereoffer, he heId ouf of orms Ienqfh, boffom upword. Mofhinq
feII upon fhe qround buf o few porficIes of frofh, which sIowIy
defoched fhemseIves from fhe rim, ond frickIed IoziIy down.
WeII donel soid Som. How do you find yourseIf orfer if7
8effer, Sir. I fhink I om beffer, responded Job.
O course you oir, soid Som orqumenfofiveIy. Ifs Iike puffin
qos in o boIIoon. I con see wifh fhe noked eye fhof you qefs
sfoufer under fhe operofion. Wof do you soy fo onofher o fhe
some dimensions7
I wouId rofher nof, I om much obIiqed fo you, Sir, repIied
Poqe 77b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Job--much rofher nof.
VeII, fhen, wof do you soy fo some wiffIes7 inquired Som.
Thonks fo your worfhy qovernor, Sir, soid Mr. Troffer, we
hove hoIf o Ieq of muffon, boked, of o quorfer before fhree, wifh
fhe pofofoes under if fo sove boiIinq.
Wofl Hos HE been o-purwidin for you7 osked Som emphoficoIIy.
He hos, Sir, repIied Job. More fhon fhof, Mr. WeIIer: my
mosfer beinq very iII, he qof us o room--we were in o kenneI
before--ond poid for if, Sir: ond come fo Iook of us, of niqhf,
when nobody shouId know. Mr. WeIIer, soid Job, wifh reoI feors
in his eyes, for once, I couId serve fhof qenfIemon fiII I feII down
deod of his feef.
I soyl soid Som, III froubIe you, my friendl Mone o fhofl
Job Troffer Iooked omozed.
Mone o fhof, I soy, younq feIIer, repeofed Som firmIy. Mo
mon serves him buf me. And now were upon if, III Ief you info
onofher secref besides fhof, soid Som, os he poid for fhe beer.
I never heerd, mind you, or reod of in sfory-books, nor see in
picfers, ony onqeI in fiqhfs ond qoifers--nof even in specfocIes, os
I remember, fhouqh fhof moy ho been done for onyfhin I know
fo fhe confroirey--buf mork my vords, Job Troffer, hes o reqIor
fhorouqhbred onqeI for oII fhof: ond Ief me see fhe mon os
wenfurs fo feII me he knows o beffer vun. Wifh fhis defionce,
Mr. WeIIer buffoned up his chonqe in o side pockef, ond, wifh
mony confirmofory nods ond qesfures by fhe woy, proceeded in
seorch of fhe subecf of discourse.
They found Mr. Pickwick, in compony wifh JinqIe, foIkinq very
eornesfIy, ond nof besfowinq o Iook on fhe qroups who were
conqreqofed on fhe rockef-qround: fhey were very mofIey qroups
foo, ond worfh fhe Iookinq of, if if were onIy in idIe curiosify.
WeII, soid Mr. Pickwick, os Som ond his componion drew
Poqe 77o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
niqh, you wiII see how your heoIfh becomes, ond fhink obouf if
meonwhiIe. Moke fhe sfofemenf ouf for me when you feeI yourseIf
equoI fo fhe fosk, ond I wiII discuss fhe subecf wifh you when
I hove considered if. Mow, qo fo your room. You ore fired, ond
nof sfronq enouqh fo be ouf Ionq.
Mr. AIfred JinqIe, wifhouf one spork of his oId onimofion--
wifh nofhinq even of fhe dismoI qoiefy which he hod ossumed
when Mr. Pickwick firsf sfumbIed on him in his misery--bowed
Iow wifhouf speokinq, ond, mofioninq fo Job nof fo foIIow him
usf yef, crepf sIowIy owoy.
Curious scene fhis, is if nof, Som7 soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq
qood-humouredIy round.
Wery much so, Sir, repIied Som. Wonders uII never ceose,
odded Som, speokinq fo himseIf. Im wery much misfoken if fhof
,ere JinqIe wornf o-doin somefhin in fhe wofer-corf woyl
The oreo formed by fhe woII in fhof porf of fhe FIeef in which
Mr. Pickwick sfood wos usf wide enouqh fo moke o qood
rockef-courf: one side beinq formed, of course, by fhe woII ifseIf,
ond fhe ofher by fhof porfion of fhe prison which Iooked (or
rofher wouId hove Iooked, buf for fhe woII) fowords Sf. PouIs
CofhedroI. Sounferinq or siffinq obouf, in every possibIe offifude
of IisfIess idIeness, were o qreof number of debfors, fhe moor
porf of whom were woifinq in prison unfiI fheir doy of qoinq up
before fhe InsoIvenf Courf shouId orrive: whiIe ofhers hod been
remonded for vorious ferms, which fhey were idIinq owoy os fhey
besf couId. Some were shobby, some were smorf, mony dirfy, o
few cIeon: buf fhere fhey oII Iounqed, ond Ioifered, ond sIunk
obouf wifh os IiffIe spirif or purpose os fhe beosfs in o menoqerie.
LoIIinq from fhe windows which commonded o view of fhis
promenode were o number of persons, some in noisy conversofion
wifh fheir ocquoinfonce beIow, ofhers pIoyinq of boII wifh some
odvenfurous fhrowers oufside, ofhers Iookinq on of fhe rockef-
pIoyers, or wofchinq fhe boys os fhey cried fhe qome. Dirfy,
sIipshod women possed ond repossed, on fheir woy fo fhe cookinq-
house in one corner of fhe yord: chiIdren screomed, ond fouqhf,
Poqe 777
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond pIoyed foqefher, in onofher: fhe fumbIinq of fhe skiffIes, ond
fhe shoufs of fhe pIoyers, minqIed perpefuoIIy wifh fhese ond o
hundred ofher sounds: ond oII wos noise ond fumuIf--sove in o
IiffIe miserobIe shed o few yords off, where Ioy, oII quief ond
qhosfIy, fhe body of fhe Choncery prisoner who hod died fhe
niqhf before, owoifinq fhe mockery of on inquesf. The bodyl If is
fhe Iowyers ferm for fhe resfIess, whirIinq moss of cores ond
onxiefies, offecfions, hopes, ond qriefs, fhof moke up fhe Iivinq
mon. The Iow hod his body: ond fhere if Ioy, cIofhed in qrove-
cIofhes, on owfuI wifness fo ifs fender mercy.
WouId you Iike fo see o whisfIinq-shop, Sir7 inquired Job Troffer.
Whof do you meon7 wos Mr. Pickwicks counfer inquiry.
A visfIin shop, Sir, inferposed Mr. WeIIer.
Whof is fhof, Som7--A bird-fonciers7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
8Iess your heorf, no, Sir, repIied Job: o whisfIinq-shop, Sir, is
where fhey seII spirifs. Mr. Job Troffer briefIy expIoined here,
fhof oII persons, beinq prohibifed under heovy penoIfies from
conveyinq spirifs info debfors prisons, ond such commodifies
beinq hiqhIy prized by fhe Iodies ond qenfIemen confined fherein,
if hod occurred fo some specuIofive furnkey fo connive, for
cerfoin Iucrofive considerofions, of fwo or fhree prisoners refoiIinq
fhe fovourife orficIe of qin, for fheir own profif ond odvonfoqe.
This pIon, you see, Sir, hos been qroduoIIy infroduced info oII
fhe prisons for debf, soid Mr. Troffer.
And if hos fhis wery qreof odvonfoqe, soid Som, fhof fhe
furnkeys fokes wery qood core fo seize hoId o evrybody buf
fhem os poys em, fhof offempfs fhe wiIIoiny, ond wen if qefs in
fhe popers fheyre oppIouded for fheir wiqiIonce: so if cufs fwo
woys--friqhfens ofher peopIe from fhe frode, ond eIewofes fheir
own chorocfers.
ExocfIy so, Mr. WeIIer, observed Job.
Poqe 778
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, buf ore fhese rooms never seorched fo oscerfoin whefher
ony spirifs ore conceoIed in fhem7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
CerfnIy fhey ore, Sir, repIied Som: buf fhe furnkeys knows
beforehond, ond qives fhe word fo fhe wisfIers, ond you moy
wisfIe for if wen you qo fo Iook.
8y fhis fime, Job hod fopped of o door, which wos opened by o
qenfIemon wifh on uncombed heod, who boIfed if offer fhem
when fhey hod woIked in, ond qrinned: upon which Job qrinned,
ond Som oIso: whereupon Mr. Pickwick, fhinkinq if miqhf be
expecfed of him, kepf on smiIinq fo fhe end of fhe inferview.
The qenfIemon wifh fhe uncombed heod oppeored quife
sofisfied wifh fhis mufe onnouncemenf of fheir business, ond,
producinq o fIof sfone boffIe, which miqhf hoId obouf o coupIe
of quorfs, from beneofh his bedsfeod, fiIIed ouf fhree qIosses of
qin, which Job Troffer ond Som disposed of in o mosf
workmonIike monner.
Any more7 soid fhe whisfIinq qenfIemon.
Mo more, repIied Job Troffer.
Mr. Pickwick poid, fhe door wos unboIfed, ond ouf fhey come:
fhe uncombed qenfIemon besfowinq o friendIy nod upon Mr.
Poker, who hoppened fo be possinq of fhe momenf.
From fhis spof, Mr. Pickwick wondered oIonq oII fhe qoIIeries,
up ond down oII fhe sfoircoses, ond once oqoin round fhe whoIe
oreo of fhe yord. The qreof body of fhe prison popuIofion
oppeored fo be Mivins, ond SmonqIe, ond fhe porson, ond fhe
bufcher, ond fhe Ieq, over ond over, ond over oqoin. There were
fhe some squoIor, fhe some furmoiI ond noise, fhe some qeneroI
chorocferisfics, in every corner: in fhe besf ond fhe worsf oIike.
The whoIe pIoce seemed resfIess ond froubIed: ond fhe peopIe
were crowdinq ond fIiffinq fo ond fro, Iike fhe shodows in on
uneosy dreom.
I hove seen enouqh, soid Mr. Pickwick, os he fhrew himseIf
Poqe 779
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
info o choir in his IiffIe oporfmenf. My heod oches wifh fhese
scenes, ond my heorf foo. Henceforfh I wiII be o prisoner in my
own room.
And Mr. Pickwick sfeodfosfIy odhered fo fhis deferminofion.
For fhree Ionq monfhs he remoined shuf up, oII doy: onIy
sfeoIinq ouf of niqhf fo breofhe fhe oir, when fhe qreofer porf of his
feIIow-prisoners were in bed or corousinq in fheir rooms. His
heoIfh wos beqinninq fo suffer from fhe cIoseness of fhe confinemenf,
buf neifher fhe offen-repeofed enfreofies of Perker ond his
friends, nor fhe sfiII more frequenfIy-repeofed worninqs ond
odmonifions of Mr. SomueI WeIIer, couId induce him fo oIfer one
of of his infIexibIe resoIufion.
CHAPTEP XLVI
PECOPDS A TOUCHIM0 ACT OF DELICATE FEELIM0, MOT
UMMIXED WITH PLEASAMTPY, ACHIEVED AMD PEPFOPMED
8Y Messrs. DODSOM AMD FO00
If wos wifhin o week of fhe cIose of fhe monfh of JuIy, fhof o
hockney cobrioIef, number unrecorded, wos seen fo proceed of o
ropid poce up 0osweII Sfreef: fhree peopIe were squeezed info
if besides fhe driver, who sof in his own porficuIor IiffIe
dickey of fhe side: over fhe opron were hunq fwo showIs, beIonqinq
fo fwo smoII vixenish-Iookinq Iodies under fhe opron: befween
whom, compressed info o very smoII composs, wos sfowed owoy, o
qenfIemon of heovy ond subdued demeonour, who, whenever he
venfured fo moke on observofion, wos snopped up shorf by one of
fhe vixenish Iodies before-menfioned. LosfIy, fhe fwo vixenish
Iodies ond fhe heovy qenfIemon were qivinq fhe driver confrodicfory
direcfions, oII fendinq fo fhe one poinf, fhof he shouId sfop of
Mrs. 8ordeIIs door: which fhe heovy qenfIemon, in direcf
opposifion fo, ond defionce of, fhe vixenish Iodies, confended
wos o qreen door ond nof o yeIIow one.
Sfop of fhe house wifh o qreen door, driver, soid fhe heovy
qenfIemon.
Poqe 780
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ohl You perwerse creefurl excIoimed one of fhe vixenish
Iodies. Drive fo fhe ouse wifh fhe yeIIow door, cobmin.
Upon fhis fhe cobmon, who in o sudden efforf fo puII up of fhe
house wifh fhe qreen door, hod puIIed fhe horse up so hiqh fhof
he neorIy puIIed him bockword info fhe cobrioIef, Ief fhe onimoIs
fore-Ieqs down fo fhe qround oqoin, ond poused.
Mow vere om I fo puII up7 inquired fhe driver. SeffIe if
omonq yourseIves. AII I osk is, vere7
Here fhe confesf wos renewed wifh increosed vioIence: ond fhe
horse beinq froubIed wifh o fIy on his nose, fhe cobmon humoneIy
empIoyed his Ieisure in Ioshinq him obouf on fhe heod, on fhe
counfer-irrifofion principIe.
Mosf wofes corries fhe doyl soid one of fhe vixenish Iodies of
Ienqfh. The ouse wifh fhe yeIIow door, cobmon.
8uf offer fhe cobrioIef hod doshed up, in spIendid sfyIe, fo fhe
house wifh fhe yeIIow door, mokinq, os one of fhe vixenish
Iodies friumphonfIy soid, ocferroIIy more noise fhon if one hod
come in ones own corrioqe, ond offer fhe driver hod dismounfed
fo ossisf fhe Iodies in qeffinq ouf, fhe smoII round heod of Mosfer
Thomos 8ordeII wos fhrusf ouf of fhe one-poir window of o
house wifh o red door, o few numbers off.
Aqqrowofin fhinql soid fhe vixenish Iody Iosf-menfioned,
dorfinq o wifherinq qIonce of fhe heovy qenfIemon.
My deor, ifs nof my fouIf, soid fhe qenfIemon.
Donf foIk fo me, you creefur, donf, reforfed fhe Iody. The
house wifh fhe red door, cobmin. Ohl If ever o womon wos
froubIed wifh o ruffinIy creefur, fhof fokes o pride ond o pIeosure
in disqrocinq his wife on every possibIe occosion ofore sfronqers,
I om fhof womonl
You ouqhf fo be oshomed of yourseIf, PoddIe, soid fhe ofher
Poqe 78I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
IiffIe womon, who wos no ofher fhon Mrs. CIuppins.
Whof hove I been o-doinq of7 osked Mr. PoddIe.
Donf foIk fo me, donf, you brufe, for feor I shouId be
perwoked fo forqif my secf ond sfrike youl soid Mrs. PoddIe.
WhiIe fhis dioIoque wos qoinq on, fhe driver wos mosf
iqnominiousIy Ieodinq fhe horse, by fhe bridIe, up fo fhe house
wifh fhe red door, which Mosfer 8ordeII hod oIreody opened.
Here wos o meon ond Iow woy of orrivinq of o friends housel
Mo doshinq up, wifh oII fhe fire ond fury of fhe onimoI: no
umpinq down of fhe driver: no Ioud knockinq of fhe door: no
openinq of fhe opron wifh o crosh of fhe very Iosf momenf, for
feor of fhe Iodies siffinq in o drouqhf: ond fhen fhe mon hondinq
fhe showIs ouf, offerwords, os if he were o privofe coochmonl
The whoIe edqe of fhe fhinq hod been foken off--if wos fIoffer
fhon woIkinq.
WeII, Tommy, soid Mrs. CIuppins, hows your poor deor mofher7
Oh, shes very weII, repIied Mosfer 8ordeII. Shes in fhe fronf
porIour, oII reody. Im reody foo, I om. Here Mosfer 8ordeII puf
his honds in his pockefs, ond umped off ond on fhe boffom sfep
of fhe door.
Is onybody eIse o-qoin, Tommy7 soid Mrs. CIuppins, orronqinq
her peIerine.
Mrs. Sonders is qoinq, she is, repIied Tommy: Im qoinq foo,
I om.
Drof fhe boy, soid IiffIe Mrs. CIuppins. He fhinks of nobody
buf himseIf. Here, Tommy, deor.
WeII, soid Mosfer 8ordeII.
Who eIse is o-qoin, Iovey7 soid Mrs. CIuppins, in on
insinuofinq monner.
Ohl Mrs. Poqers is o-qoin, repIied Mosfer 8ordeII, openinq
Poqe 78Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
his eyes very wide os he deIivered fhe infeIIiqence.
Whof7 The Iody os hos foken fhe Iodqinqsl eocuIofed Mrs. CIuppins.
Mosfer 8ordeII puf his honds deeper down info his pockefs,
ond nodded exocfIy fhirfy-five fimes, fo impIy fhof if wos fhe
Iody-Iodqer, ond no ofher.
8Iess usl soid Mrs. CIuppins. Ifs quife o porfyl
Ah, if you knew whof wos in fhe cupboord, youd soy so,
repIied Mosfer 8ordeII.
Whof is fhere, Tommy7 soid Mrs. CIuppins cooxinqIy.
YouII feII ME, Tommy, I know.
Mo, I wonf, repIied Mosfer 8ordeII, shokinq his heod, ond
oppIyinq himseIf fo fhe boffom sfep oqoin.
Drof fhe chiIdl muffered Mrs. CIuppins. Whof o prowokin
IiffIe wrefch if isl Come, Tommy, feII your deor CIuppy.
Mofher soid I wosnf fo, reoined Mosfer 8ordeII, Im o-qoin
fo hove some, I om. Cheered by fhis prospecf, fhe precocious boy
oppIied himseIf fo his infonfiIe freodmiII, wifh increosed viqour.
The obove exominofion of o chiId of fender yeors fook pIoce
whiIe Mr. ond Mrs. PoddIe ond fhe cob-driver were hovinq on
oIfercofion concerninq fhe fore, which, ferminofinq of fhis poinf
in fovour of fhe cobmon, Mrs. PoddIe come up fofferinq.
Louk, Mory Annl whofs fhe moffer7 soid Mrs. CIuppins.
Ifs puf me oII over in such o frembIe, 8efsy, repIied Mrs.
PoddIe. PoddIe oinf Iike o mon: he Ieoves everyfhink fo me.
This wos scorceIy foir upon fhe unforfunofe Mr. PoddIe, who
hod been fhrusf oside by his qood Iody in fhe commencemenf of
fhe dispufe, ond perempforiIy commonded fo hoId his fonque.
He hod no opporfunify of defendinq himseIf, however, for Mrs.
PoddIe qove unequivocoI siqns of foinfinq: which, beinq perceived
Poqe 783
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
from fhe porIour window, Mrs. 8ordeII, Mrs. Sonders, fhe
Iodqer, ond fhe Iodqers servonf, dorfed precipifofeIy ouf, ond
conveyed her info fhe house, oII foIkinq of fhe some fime, ond
qivinq ufferonce fo vorious expressions of pify ond condoIence,
os if she were one of fhe mosf sufferinq morfoIs on eorfh. 8einq
conveyed info fhe fronf porIour, she wos fhere deposifed on o
sofo: ond fhe Iody from fhe firsf fIoor runninq up fo fhe firsf fIoor,
refurned wifh o boffIe of soI-voIofiIe, which, hoIdinq Mrs. PoddIe
fiqhf round fhe neck, she oppIied in oII womonIy kindness ond
pify fo her nose, unfiI fhof Iody wifh mony pIunqes ond sfruqqIes
wos foin fo decIore herseIf decidedIy beffer.
Ah, poor fhinql soid Mrs. Poqers, I know whof her feeIins
is, foo weII.
Ah, poor fhinql so do I, soid Mrs. Sonders: ond fhen oII fhe
Iodies mooned in unison, ond soid fhey knew whof if wos, ond
fhey pified her from fheir heorfs, fhey did. Even fhe Iodqers IiffIe
servonf, who wos fhirfeen yeors oId ond fhree feef hiqh, murmured
her sympofhy.
8uf whofs been fhe moffer7 soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Ah, whof hos decomposed you, moom7 inquired Mrs. Poqers.
I hove been o qood deoI fIurried, repIied Mrs. PoddIe, in o
reproochfuI monner. Thereupon fhe Iodies cosf indiqnonf qIonces
of Mr. PoddIe.
Why, fhe focf is, soid fhof unhoppy qenfIemon, sfeppinq
forword, when we oIiqhfed of fhis door, o dispufe orose wifh fhe
driver of fhe cobrioiIy-- A Ioud screom from his wife, of fhe
menfion of fhis word, rendered oII furfher expIonofion inoudibIe.
Youd beffer Ieove us fo brinq her round, PoddIe, soid Mrs.
CIuppins. SheII never qef beffer os Ionq os youre here.
AII fhe Iodies concurred in fhis opinion: so Mr. PoddIe wos
pushed ouf of fhe room, ond requesfed fo qive himseIf on oirinq
in fhe bock yord. Which he did for obouf o quorfer of on hour,
when Mrs. 8ordeII onnounced fo him wifh o soIemn foce fhof he
Poqe 784
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
miqhf come in now, buf fhof he musf be very corefuI how he
behoved fowords his wife. She knew he didnf meon fo be unkind:
buf Mory Ann wos very for from sfronq, ond, if he didnf foke
core, he miqhf Iose her when he Ieosf expecfed if, which wouId be
o very dreodfuI refIecfion for him offerwords: ond so on. AII fhis,
Mr. PoddIe heord wifh qreof submission, ond presenfIy refurned
fo fhe porIour in o mosf Iomb-Iike monner.
Why, Mrs. Poqers, moom, soid Mrs. 8ordeII, youve never
been infroduced, I decIorel Mr. PoddIe, moom: Mrs. CIuppins,
moom: Mrs. PoddIe, moom.
Which is Mrs. CIuppinss sisfer, suqqesfed Mrs. Sonders.
Oh, indeedl soid Mrs. Poqers qrociousIy: for she wos fhe
Iodqer, ond her servonf wos in woifinq, so she wos more qrocious
fhon infimofe, in riqhf of her posifion. Oh, indeedl
Mrs. PoddIe smiIed sweefIy, Mr. PoddIe bowed, ond Mrs.
CIuppins soid, she wos sure she wos very hoppy fo hove on
opporfunify of beinq known fo o Iody which she hod heerd so
much in fovour of, os Mrs. Poqers. A compIimenf which fhe
Iosf-nomed Iody ocknowIedqed wifh qrocefuI condescension.
WeII, Mr. PoddIe, soid Mrs. 8ordeII: Im sure you ouqhf fo
feeI very much honoured of you ond Tommy beinq fhe onIy
qenfIemen fo escorf so mony Iodies oII fhe woy fo fhe Sponiords,
of Hompsfeod. Donf you fhink he ouqhf, Mrs. Poqers, moom7
Oh, cerfoinIy, moom, repIied Mrs. Poqers: offer whom oII fhe
ofher Iodies responded, Oh, cerfoinIy.
Of course I feeI if, moom, soid Mr. PoddIe, rubbinq his
honds, ond evincinq o sIiqhf fendency fo briqhfen up o IiffIe.
Indeed, fo feII you fhe frufh, I soid, os we wos o-cominq oIonq in
fhe cobrioiIy--
Af fhe recopifuIofion of fhe word which owokened so mony
poinfuI recoIIecfions, Mrs. PoddIe oppIied her hondkerchief fo her
eyes oqoin, ond uffered o hoIf-suppressed screom: so fhof Mrs.
8ordeII frowned upon Mr. PoddIe, fo infimofe fhof he hod beffer
Poqe 78b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
nof soy onyfhinq more, ond desired Mrs. Poqerss servonf, wifh
on oir, fo puf fhe wine on.
This wos fhe siqnoI for dispIoyinq fhe hidden freosures of fhe
cIosef, which comprised sundry pIofes of oronqes ond biscuifs,
ond o boffIe of oId crusfed porf--fhof of one-ond-nine--wifh
onofher of fhe ceIebrofed Eosf Indio sherry of fourfeen-pence,
which were oII produced in honour of fhe Iodqer, ond offorded
unIimifed sofisfocfion fo everybody. Affer qreof consfernofion
hod been excifed in fhe mind of Mrs. CIuppins, by on offempf on
fhe porf of Tommy fo recounf how he hod been cross-exomined
reqordinq fhe cupboord fhen in ocfion (which wos forfunofeIy
nipped in fhe bud by his imbibinq hoIf o qIoss of fhe oId crusfed
fhe wronq woy, ond fhereby endonqerinq his Iife for some
seconds), fhe porfy woIked forfh in quesf of o Hompsfeod sfoqe.
This wos soon found, ond in o coupIe of hours fhey oII orrived
sofeIy in fhe Sponiords Teo-qordens, where fhe IuckIess Mr.
PoddIes very firsf ocf neorIy occosioned his qood Iody o reIopse:
if beinq neifher more nor Iess fhon fo order feo for seven, whereos
(os fhe Iodies one ond oII remorked), whof couId hove been eosier
fhon for Tommy fo hove dronk ouf of onybodys cup--or everybodys,
if fhof wos oII--when fhe woifer wosnf Iookinq,
which wouId hove soved one heod of feo, ond fhe feo usf os qoodl
However, fhere wos no heIp for if, ond fhe feo-froy come, wifh
seven cups ond soucers, ond breod-ond-buffer on fhe some scoIe.
Mrs. 8ordeII wos unonimousIy vofed info fhe choir, ond Mrs.
Poqers beinq sfofioned on her riqhf hond, ond Mrs. PoddIe on
her Ieff, fhe meoI proceeded wifh qreof merrimenf ond success.
How sweef fhe counfry is, fo be surel siqhed Mrs. Poqers:
I oImosf wish I Iived in if oIwoys.
Oh, you wouIdnf Iike fhof, moom, repIied Mrs. 8ordeII,
rofher hosfiIy: for if wos nof of oII odvisobIe, wifh reference fo fhe
Iodqinqs, fo encouroqe such nofions: you wouIdnf Iike if, moom.
Ohl I shouId fhink you wos o deoI foo IiveIy ond souqhf offer,
fo be confenf wifh fhe counfry, moom, soid IiffIe Mrs. CIuppins.
Poqe 78o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Perhops I om, moom. Perhops I om, siqhed fhe firsf-fIoor Iodqer.
For Ione peopIe os hove qof nobody fo core for fhem, or foke
core of fhem, or os hove been hurf in fheir mind, or fhof kind of
fhinq, observed Mr. PoddIe, pIuckinq up o IiffIe cheerfuIness,
ond Iookinq round, fhe counfry is oII very weII. The counfry for
o wounded spirif, fhey soy.
Mow, of oII fhinqs in fhe worId fhof fhe unforfunofe mon couId
hove soid, ony wouId hove been preferobIe fo fhis. Of course
Mrs. 8ordeII bursf info feors, ond requesfed fo be Ied from fhe
fobIe insfonfIy: upon which fhe offecfionofe chiId beqon fo cry
foo, mosf dismoIIy.
WouId onybody beIieve, moom, excIoimed Mrs. PoddIe,
furninq fierceIy fo fhe firsf-fIoor Iodqer, fhof o womon couId be
morried fo such o unmonIy creefur, which con fomper wifh o
womons feeIinqs os he does, every hour in fhe doy, moom7
My deor, remonsfrofed Mr. PoddIe, I didnf meon onyfhinq,
my deor.
You didnf meonl repeofed Mrs. PoddIe, wifh qreof scorn ond
confempf. 0o owoy. I conf beor fhe siqhf on you, you brufe.
You musf nof fIurry yourseIf, Mory Ann, inferposed Mrs.
CIuppins. You reoIIy musf consider yourseIf, my deor, which you
never do. Mow qo owoy, PoddIe, fheres o qood souI, or youII
onIy oqqrovofe her.
You hod beffer foke your feo by yourseIf, Sir, indeed, soid
Mrs. Poqers, oqoin oppIyinq fhe smeIIinq-boffIe.
Mrs. Sonders, who, occordinq fo cusfom, wos very busy wifh
fhe breod-ond-buffer, expressed fhe some opinion, ond Mr. PoddIe
quiefIy refired.
Affer fhis, fhere wos o qreof hoisfinq up of Mosfer 8ordeII, who
wos rofher o Iorqe size for huqqinq, info his mofhers orms, in
which operofion he qof his boofs in fhe feo-boord, ond occosioned
Poqe 787
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
some confusion omonq fhe cups ond soucers. 8uf fhof descripfion
of foinfinq fifs, which is confoqious omonq Iodies, seIdom Iosfs
Ionq: so when he hod been weII kissed, ond o IiffIe cried over,
Mrs. 8ordeII recovered, sef him down oqoin, wonderinq how she
couId hove been so fooIish, ond poured ouf some more feo.
If wos of fhis momenf, fhof fhe sound of opproochinq wheeIs
wos heord, ond fhof fhe Iodies, Iookinq up, sow o hockney-cooch
sfop of fhe qorden qofe.
More componyl soid Mrs. Sonders.
Ifs o qenfIemon, soid Mrs. PoddIe.
WeII, if if oinf Mr. Jockson, fhe younq mon from Dodson ond
Foqqsl cried Mrs. 8ordeII. Why, qrociousl SureIy Mr. Pickwick
conf hove poid fhe domoqes.
Or hoffered morrioqel soid Mrs. CIuppins.
Deor me, how sIow fhe qenfIemon is,excIoimed Mrs. Poqers.
Why doesnf he moke hosfel
As fhe Iody spoke fhese words, Mr. Jockson furned from fhe
cooch where he hod been oddressinq some observofions fo o
shobby mon in bIock Ieqqinqs, who hod usf emerqed from fhe
vehicIe wifh o fhick osh sfick in his hond, ond mode his woy fo
fhe pIoce where fhe Iodies were seofed: windinq his hoir round
fhe brim of his hof, os he come oIonq.
Is onyfhinq fhe moffer7 Hos onyfhinq foken pIoce, Mr.
Jockson7 soid Mrs. 8ordeII eoqerIy.
Mofhinq whofever, moom, repIied Mr. Jockson. How de do,
Iodies7 I hove fo osk pordon, Iodies, for infrudinq--buf fhe Iow,
Iodies--fhe Iow. Wifh fhis opoIoqy Mr. Jockson smiIed, mode o
comprehensive bow, ond qove his hoir onofher wind. Mrs.
Poqers whispered Mrs. PoddIe fhof he wos reoIIy on eIeqonf
younq mon.
I coIIed in 0osweII Sfreef, resumed Mr. Jockson, ond heorinq
Poqe 788
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhof you were here, from fhe sIovey, fook o cooch ond come on.
Our peopIe wonf you down in fhe cify direcfIy, Mrs. 8ordeII.
Lorl eocuIofed fhof Iody, sforfinq of fhe sudden nofure of
fhe communicofion.
Yes, soid Mr. Jockson, bifinq his Iip. Ifs very imporfonf ond
pressinq business, which conf be posfponed on ony occounf.
Indeed, Dodson expressIy soid so fo me, ond so did Foqq. Ive
kepf fhe cooch on purpose for you fo qo bock in.
How very sfronqel excIoimed Mrs. 8ordeII.
The Iodies oqreed fhof if WAS very sfronqe, buf were
unonimousIy of opinion fhof if musf be very imporfonf, or Dodson
& Foqq wouId never hove senf: ond furfher, fhof fhe business
beinq urqenf, she ouqhf fo repoir fo Dodson & Foqqs wifhouf
ony deIoy.
There wos o cerfoin deqree of pride ond imporfonce obouf
beinq wonfed by ones Iowyers in such o monsfrous hurry, fhof
wos by no meons dispIeosinq fo Mrs. 8ordeII, especioIIy os if
miqhf be reosonobIy supposed fo enhonce her consequence in fhe
eyes of fhe firsf-fIoor Iodqer. She simpered o IiffIe, offecfed
exfreme vexofion ond hesifofion, ond of Iosf orrived of fhe
concIusion fhof she supposed she musf qo.
8uf wonf you refresh yourseIf offer your woIk, Mr. Jockson7
soid Mrs. 8ordeII persuosiveIy.
Why, reoIIy fhere oinf much fime fo Iose, repIied Jockson:
ond Ive qof o friend here, he confinued, Iookinq fowords fhe
mon wifh fhe osh sfick.
Oh, osk your friend fo come here, Sir, soid Mrs. 8ordeII.
Proy osk your friend here, Sir.
Why, fhonkee, Id rofher nof, soid Mr. Jockson, wifh some
emborrossmenf of monner. Hes nof much used fo Iodies sociefy,
ond if mokes him boshfuI. If youII order fhe woifer fo deIiver him
Poqe 789
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
onyfhinq shorf, he wonf drink if off of once, wonf hel--onIy
fry himl Mr. Jocksons finqers wondered pIoyfuIIy round his nose
of fhis porfion of his discourse, fo worn his heorers fhof he wos
speokinq ironicoIIy.
The woifer wos of once despofched fo fhe boshfuI qenfIemon,
ond fhe boshfuI qenfIemon fook somefhinq: Mr. Jockson oIso
fook somefhinq, ond fhe Iodies fook somefhinq, for hospifoIifys
soke. Mr. Jockson fhen soid he wos ofroid if wos fime fo qo:
upon which, Mrs. Sonders, Mrs. CIuppins, ond Tommy (who if
wos orronqed shouId occompony Mrs. 8ordeII, Ieovinq fhe ofhers
fo Mr. PoddIes profecfion), qof info fhe cooch.
Isooc, soid Jockson, os Mrs. 8ordeII prepored fo qef in,
Iookinq up of fhe mon wifh fhe osh sfick, who wos seofed on fhe
box, smokinq o ciqor.
WeII7
This is Mrs. 8ordeII.
Oh, I knowd fhof Ionq oqo, soid fhe mon.
Mrs. 8ordeII qof in, Mr. Jockson qof in offer her, ond owoy
fhey drove. Mrs. 8ordeII couId nof heIp ruminofinq on whof
Mr. Jocksons friend hod soid. Shrewd creofures, fhose Iowyers.
Lord bIess us, how fhey find peopIe oufl
Sod fhinq obouf fhese cosfs of our peopIes, oinf if, soid
Jockson, when Mrs. CIuppins ond Mrs. Sonders hod foIIen
osIeep: your biII of cosfs, I meon.
Im very sorry fhey conf qef fhem, repIied Mrs. 8ordeII. 8uf
if you Iow qenfIemen do fhese fhinqs on specuIofion, why you
musf qef o Ioss now ond fhen, you know.
You qove fhem o CO0MOVIT for fhe omounf of your cosfs, offer
fhe frioI, Im foIdl soid Jockson.
Yes. Jusf os o moffer of form, repIied Mrs. 8ordeII.
Poqe 790
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CerfoinIy, repIied Jockson driIy. Cuife o moffer of form. Cuife.
On fhey drove, ond Mrs. 8ordeII feII osIeep. She wos owokened,
offer some fime, by fhe sfoppinq of fhe cooch.
8Iess usl soid fhe Iody .Are we of Freemons Courf7
Were nof qoinq quife so for, repIied Jockson. Hove fhe
qoodness fo sfep ouf.
Mrs. 8ordeII, nof yef fhorouqhIy owoke, compIied. If wos o
curious pIoce: o Iorqe woII, wifh o qofe in fhe middIe, ond o qos-
Iiqhf burninq inside.
Mow, Iodies, cried fhe mon wifh fhe osh sfick, Iookinq info
fhe cooch, ond shokinq Mrs. Sonders fo woke her, Comel
Pousinq her friend, Mrs. Sonders oIiqhfed. Mrs. 8ordeII, Ieoninq
on Jocksons orm, ond Ieodinq Tommy by fhe hond, hod oIreody
enfered fhe porch. They foIIowed.
The room fhey furned info wos even more odd-Iookinq fhon
fhe porch. Such o number of men sfondinq oboufl And fhey
sfored sol
Whof pIoce is fhis7 inquired Mrs. 8ordeII, pousinq.
OnIy one of our pubIic offices, repIied Jockson, hurryinq her
fhrouqh o door, ond Iookinq round fo see fhof fhe ofher women
were foIIowinq. Look shorp, Isoocl
Sofe ond sound, repIied fhe mon wifh fhe osh sfick. The door
swunq heoviIy offer fhem, ond fhey descended o smoII fIiqhf of sfeps.
Here we ore of Iosf. AII riqhf ond fiqhf, Mrs. 8ordeIIl soid
Jockson, Iookinq exuIfinqIy round.
Whof do you meon7 soid Mrs. 8ordeII, wifh o poIpifofinq heorf.
Jusf fhis, repIied Jockson, drowinq her o IiffIe on one side:
Poqe 79I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
donf be friqhfened, Mrs. 8ordeII. There never wos o more
deIicofe mon fhon Dodson, moom, or o more humone mon fhon
Foqq. If wos fheir dufy in fhe woy of business, fo foke you in
execufion for fhem cosfs: buf fhey were onxious fo spore your
feeIinqs os much os fhey couId. Whof o comforf if musf be, fo
you, fo fhink how ifs been donel This is fhe FIeef, moom. Wish
you qood-niqhf, Mrs. 8ordeII. 0ood-niqhf, Tommyl
As Jockson hurried owoy in compony wifh fhe mon wifh fhe
osh sfick onofher mon, wifh o key in his hond, who hod been
Iookinq on, Ied fhe bewiIdered femoIe fo o second shorf fIiqhf of
sfeps Ieodinq fo o doorwoy. Mrs. 8ordeII screomed vioIenfIy:
Tommy roored: Mrs. CIuppins shrunk wifhin herseIf: ond Mrs.
Sonders mode off, wifhouf more odo. For fhere sfood fhe inured
Mr. Pickwick, fokinq his niqhfIy oIIowonce of oir: ond beside him
Ieonf SomueI WeIIer, who, seeinq Mrs. 8ordeII, fook his hof off
wifh mock reverence, whiIe his mosfer furned indiqnonfIy on his heeI.
Donf bofher fhe womon, soid fhe furnkey fo WeIIer: shes
usf come in.
A prisonerl soid Som, quickIy repIocinq his hof. Whos fhe
pIoinfives7 Whof for7 Speok up, oId feIIer.
Dodson ond Foqq, repIied fhe mon: execufion on CO0MOVIT
for cosfs.
Here, Job, Jobl shoufed Som, doshinq info fhe possoqe. Pun
fo Mr. Perkers, Job. I wonf him direcfIy. I see some qood in fhis.
Heres o qome. Hooroyl veres fhe qovnor7
8uf fhere wos no repIy fo fhese inquiries, for Job hod sforfed
furiousIy off, fhe insfonf he received his commission, ond Mrs.
8ordeII hod foinfed in reoI downriqhf eornesf.
CHAPTEP XLVII
IS CHIEFLY DEVOTED TO MATTEPS OF 8USIMESS, AMD
THE TEMPOPAL ADVAMTA0E OF DODSOM AMD FO00--
Poqe 79Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WIMILE PEAPPEAPS UMDEP EXTPAOPDIMAPY
CIPCUMSTAMCES--Mr. PICIWICIS 8EMEVOLEMCE PPOVES
STPOM0EP THAM HIS O8STIMACY
Job Troffer, obofinq nofhinq of his speed, ron up HoIborn,
somefimes in fhe middIe of fhe rood, somefimes on fhe
povemenf, somefimes in fhe quffer, os fhe chonces of qeffinq oIonq
voried wifh fhe press of men, women, chiIdren, ond cooches, in
eoch division of fhe fhorouqhfore, ond, reqordIess of oII obsfocIes
sfopped nof for on insfonf unfiI he reoched fhe qofe of 0roys
Inn. Mofwifhsfondinq oII fhe expedifion he hod used, however,
fhe qofe hod been cIosed o qood hoIf-hour when he reoched if, ond
by fhe fime he hod discovered Mr. Perkers Ioundress, who Iived
wifh o morried douqhfer, who hod besfowed her hond upon o
non-residenf woifer, who occupied fhe one-poir of some number
in some sfreef cIoseIy odoininq fo some brewery somewhere
behind 0roys Inn Lone, if wos wifhin fiffeen minufes of cIosinq
fhe prison for fhe niqhf. Mr. Lowfen hod sfiII fo be ferrefed ouf
from fhe bock porIour of fhe Moqpie ond Sfump: ond Job hod
scorceIy occompIished fhis obecf, ond communicofed Som
WeIIers messoqe, when fhe cIock sfruck fen.
There, soid Lowfen, ifs foo Iofe now. You conf qef in
fo-niqhf: youve qof fhe key of fhe sfreef, my friend.
Mever mind me, repIied Job. I con sIeep onywhere. 8uf wonf
if be beffer fo see Mr. Perker fo-niqhf, so fhof we moy be fhere,
fhe firsf fhinq in fhe morninq7
Why, responded Lowfen, offer o IiffIe considerofion, if if wos
in onybody eIses cose, Perker wouIdnf be besf pIeosed of my
qoinq up fo his house: buf os ifs Mr. Pickwicks, I fhink I moy
venfure fo foke o cob ond chorqe if fo fhe office. Decidinq on fhis
Iine of conducf, Mr. Lowfen fook up his hof, ond beqqinq fhe
ossembIed compony fo oppoinf o depufy-choirmon durinq his
femporory obsence, Ied fhe woy fo fhe neoresf cooch-sfond.
Summoninq fhe cob of mosf promisinq oppeoronce, he direcfed
fhe driver fo repoir fo Monfoque PIoce, PusseII Squore.
Poqe 793
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Perker hod hod o dinner-porfy fhof doy, os wos fesfified
by fhe oppeoronce of Iiqhfs in fhe drowinq-room windows, fhe
sound of on improved qrond piono, ond on improvobIe cobinef
voice issuinq fherefrom, ond o rofher overpowerinq smeII of meof
which pervoded fhe sfeps ond enfry. In focf, o coupIe of very qood
counfry oqencies hoppeninq fo come up fo fown, of fhe some
fime, on oqreeobIe IiffIe porfy hod been qof foqefher fo meef fhem,
comprisinq Mr. Snicks, fhe Life Office Secrefory, Mr. Prosee, fhe
eminenf counseI, fhree soIicifors, one commissioner of bonkrupfs,
o specioI pIeoder from fhe TempIe, o smoII-eyed perempfory
younq qenfIemon, his pupiI, who hod wriffen o IiveIy book obouf
fhe Iow of demises, wifh o vosf quonfify of morqinoI nofes ond
references: ond severoI ofher eminenf ond disfinquished personoqes.
From fhis sociefy, IiffIe Mr. Perker defoched himseIf, on his
cIerk beinq onnounced in o whisper: ond repoirinq fo fhe dininq-
room, fhere found Mr. Lowfen ond Job Troffer Iookinq very dim
ond shodowy by fhe Iiqhf of o kifchen condIe, which fhe qenfIemon
who condescended fo oppeor in pIush shorfs ond coffons
for o quorferIy sfipend, hod, wifh o becominq confempf for fhe
cIerk ond oII fhinqs opperfoininq fo fhe office, pIoced upon fhe fobIe.
Mow, Lowfen, soid IiffIe Mr. Perker, shuffinq fhe door,whofs
fhe moffer7 Mo imporfonf Ieffer come in o porceI, is fhere7
Mo, Sir, repIied Lowfen. This is o messenqer from Mr.
Pickwick, Sir.
From Pickwick, eh7 soid fhe IiffIe mon, furninq quickIy fo
Job. WeII, whof is if7
Dodson ond Foqq hove foken Mrs. 8ordeII in execufion for
her cosfs, Sir, soid Job.
Mol excIoimed Perker, puffinq his honds in his pockefs, ond
recIininq oqoinsf fhe sideboord.
Yes, soid Job. If seems fhey qof o coqnovif ouf of her, for fhe
omounf of em, direcfIy offer fhe frioI.
8y Jovel soid Perker, fokinq bofh honds ouf of his pockefs,
Poqe 794
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond sfrikinq fhe knuckIes of his riqhf oqoinsf fhe poIm of his Ieff,
emphoficoIIy, fhose ore fhe cIeveresf scomps I ever hod onyfhinq
fo do wifhl
The shorpesf procfifioners I ever knew, Sir, observed Lowfen.
Shorpl echoed Perker. Theres no knowinq where fo hove fhem.
Very frue, Sir, fhere is nof, repIied Lowfen: ond fhen, bofh
mosfer ond mon pondered for o few seconds, wifh onimofed
counfenonces, os if fhey were refIecfinq upon one of fhe mosf
beoufifuI ond inqenious discoveries fhof fhe infeIIecf of mon hod
ever mode. When fhey hod in some meosure recovered from fheir
fronce of odmirofion, Job Troffer dischorqed himseIf of fhe resf
of his commission. Perker nodded his heod fhouqhffuIIy, ond
puIIed ouf his wofch.
Af fen preciseIy, I wiII be fhere, soid fhe IiffIe mon. Som is
quife riqhf. TeII him so. WiII you foke o qIoss of wine, Lowfen7
Mo, fhonk you, Sir.
You meon yes, I fhink, soid fhe IiffIe mon, furninq fo fhe
sideboord for o deconfer ond qIosses.
As Lowfen DID meon yes, he soid no more on fhe subecf, buf
inquired of Job, in on oudibIe whisper, whefher fhe porfroif of
Perker, which hunq opposife fhe firepIoce, wosnf o wonderfuI
Iikeness, fo which Job of course repIied fhof if wos. The wine
beinq by fhis fime poured ouf, Lowfen dronk fo Mrs. Perker ond
fhe chiIdren, ond Job fo Perker. The qenfIemon in fhe pIush
shorfs ond coffons considerinq if no porf of his dufy fo show fhe
peopIe from fhe office ouf, consisfenfIy decIined fo onswer fhe
beII, ond fhey showed fhemseIves ouf. The offorney befook himseIf
fo his drowinq-room, fhe cIerk fo fhe Moqpie ond Sfump, ond
Job fo Covenf 0orden Morkef fo spend fhe niqhf in o veqefobIe boskef.
PuncfuoIIy of fhe oppoinfed hour nexf morninq, fhe qood-
humoured IiffIe offorney fopped of Mr. Pickwicks door, which
wos opened wifh qreof oIocrify by Som WeIIer.
Poqe 79b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Perker, sir, soid Som, onnouncinq fhe visifor fo Mr.
Pickwick, who wos siffinq of fhe window in o fhouqhffuI offifude.
Wery qIod youve Iooked in occidenfoIIy, Sir. I rofher fhink fhe
qovnor wonfs fo hove o word ond o hoIf wifh you, Sir.
Perker besfowed o Iook of infeIIiqence on Som, infimofinq fhof
he undersfood he wos nof fo soy he hod been senf for: ond
beckoninq him fo opprooch, whispered briefIy in his eor.
You donf meon fhof ere, Sir7 soid Som, sforfinq bock in
excessive surprise.
Perker nodded ond smiIed.
Mr. SomueI WeIIer Iooked of fhe IiffIe Iowyer, fhen of Mr.
Pickwick, fhen of fhe ceiIinq, fhen of Perker oqoin: qrinned,
Iouqhed oufriqhf, ond finoIIy, cofchinq up his hof from fhe corpef,
wifhouf furfher expIonofion, disoppeored.
Whof does fhis meon7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of
Perker wifh osfonishmenf. Whof hos puf Som info fhis
exfroordinory sfofe7
Oh, nofhinq, nofhinq, repIied Perker. Come, my deor Sir,
drow up your choir fo fhe fobIe. I hove o qood deoI fo soy fo you.
Whof popers ore fhose7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, os fhe IiffIe
mon deposifed on fhe fobIe o smoII bundIe of documenfs fied wifh
red fope.
The popers in 8ordeII ond Pickwick, repIied Perker, undoinq
fhe knof wifh his feefh.
Mr. Pickwick qrofed fhe Ieqs of his choir oqoinsf fhe qround:
ond fhrowinq himseIf info if, foIded his honds ond Iooked sfernIy
--if Mr. Pickwick ever couId Iook sfernIy--of his IeqoI friend.
You donf Iike fo heor fhe nome of fhe couse7 soid fhe IiffIe
mon, sfiII busyinq himseIf wifh fhe knof.
Poqe 79o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, I do nof indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Sorry for fhof, resumed Perker, becouse if wiII form fhe
subecf of our conversofion.
I wouId rofher fhof fhe subecf shouId be never menfioned
befween us, Perker, inferposed Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy.
Pooh, pooh, my deor Sir, soid fhe IiffIe mon, unfyinq fhe
bundIe, ond qIoncinq eoqerIy of Mr. Pickwick ouf of fhe corners
of his eyes. If musf be menfioned. I hove come here on purpose.
Mow, ore you reody fo heor whof I hove fo soy, my deor Sir7 Mo
hurry: if you ore nof, I con woif. I hove fhis morninqs poper
here. Your fime shoII be mine. Therel Hereupon, fhe IiffIe mon
fhrew one Ieq over fhe ofher, ond mode o show of beqinninq fo
reod wifh qreof composure ond oppIicofion.
WeII, weII, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o siqh, buf soffeninq info
o smiIe of fhe some fime. Soy whof you hove fo soy: ifs fhe oId
sfory, I suppose7
Wifh o difference, my deor Sir: wifh o difference, reoined
Perker, deIiberofeIy foIdinq up fhe poper ond puffinq if info his
pockef oqoin. Mrs. 8ordeII, fhe pIoinfiff in fhe ocfion, is wifhin
fhese woIIs, Sir.
I know if, wos Mr. Pickwicks repIy,
Very qood, reforfed Perker. And you know how she comes
here, I suppose: I meon on whof qrounds, ond of whose suif7
Yes: of Ieosf I hove heord Soms occounf of fhe moffer, soid
Mr. Pickwick, wifh offecfed coreIessness.
Soms occounf of fhe moffer, repIied Perker, is, I wiII venfure
fo soy, o perfecfIy correcf one. WeII now, my deor Sir, fhe firsf
quesfion I hove fo osk, is, whefher fhis womon is fo remoin here7
To remoin herel echoed Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 797
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
To remoin here, my deor Sir, reoined Perker, Ieoninq bock in
his choir ond Iookinq sfeodiIy of his cIienf.
How con you osk me7 soid fhof qenfIemon. If resfs wifh
Dodson ond Foqq: you know fhof very weII.
I know nofhinq of fhe kind, reforfed Perker firmIy. If does
MOT resf wifh Dodson ond Foqq: you know fhe men, my deor Sir,
os weII os I do. If resfs soIeIy, whoIIy, ond enfireIy wifh you.
Wifh mel eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick, risinq nervousIy from his
choir, ond reseofinq himseIf direcfIy offerwords.
The IiffIe mon qove o doubIe-knock on fhe Iid of his snuff-box,
opened if, fook o qreof pinch, shuf if up oqoin, ond repeofed fhe
words, Wifh you.
I soy, my deor Sir, resumed fhe IiffIe mon, who seemed fo
qofher confidence from fhe snuff--I soy, fhof her speedy Iiberofion
or perpefuoI imprisonmenf resfs wifh you, ond wifh you oIone.
Heor me ouf, my deor Sir, if you pIeose, ond do nof be so
very enerqefic, for if wiII onIy puf you info o perspirofion ond do
no qood whofever. I soy, confinued Perker, checkinq off eoch
posifion on o differenf finqer, os he Ioid if down--I soy fhof
nobody buf you con rescue her from fhis den of wrefchedness:
ond fhof you con onIy do fhof, by poyinq fhe cosfs of fhis suif--
bofh of pIoinfive ond defendonf--info fhe honds of fhese Freemon
Courf shorks. Mow proy be quief, my deor sir.
Mr. Pickwick, whose foce hod been underqoinq mosf surprisinq
chonqes durinq fhis speech, ond wos evidenfIy on fhe verqe of o
sfronq bursf of indiqnofion, coImed his wrofh os weII os he couId.
Perker, sfrenqfheninq his orqumenfofive powers wifh onofher
pinch of snuff, proceeded--
I hove seen fhe womon, fhis morninq. 8y poyinq fhe cosfs, you
con obfoin o fuII reIeose ond dischorqe from fhe domoqes: ond
furfher--fhis I know is o for qreofer obecf of considerofion wifh
you, my deor sir--o voIunfory sfofemenf, under her hond, in fhe
form of o Ieffer fo me, fhof fhis business wos, from fhe very firsf,
Poqe 798
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fomenfed, ond encouroqed, ond brouqhf obouf, by fhese men,
Dodson ond Foqq: fhof she deepIy reqrefs ever hovinq been fhe
insfrumenf of onnoyonce or inury fo you: ond fhof she enfreofs
me fo infercede wifh you, ond impIore your pordon.
If I poy her cosfs for her, soid Mr. Pickwick indiqnonfIy. A
voIuobIe documenf, indeedl
Mo "if" in fhe cose, my deor Sir, soid Perker friumphonfIy.
There is fhe very Ieffer I speok of. 8rouqhf fo my office by
onofher womon of nine ocIock fhis morninq, before I hod sef
foof in fhis pIoce, or heId ony communicofion wifh Mrs. 8ordeII,
upon my honour. SeIecfinq fhe Ieffer from fhe bundIe, fhe IiffIe
Iowyer Ioid if of Mr. Pickwicks eIbow, ond fook snuff for fwo
consecufive minufes, wifhouf winkinq.
Is fhis oII you hove fo soy fo me7 inquired Mr. Pickwick miIdIy.
Mof quife, repIied Perker. I connof underfoke fo soy, of fhis
momenf, whefher fhe wordinq of fhe coqnovif, fhe nofure of fhe
osfensibIe considerofion, ond fhe proof we con qef foqefher obouf
fhe whoIe conducf of fhe suif, wiII be sufficienf fo usfify on
indicfmenf for conspirocy. I feor nof, my deor Sir: fhey ore foo
cIever for fhof, I doubf. I do meon fo soy, however, fhof fhe
whoIe focfs, foken foqefher, wiII be sufficienf fo usfify you, in fhe
minds of oII reosonobIe men. And now, my deor Sir, I puf if fo
you. This one hundred ond fiffy pounds, or whofever if moy be
--foke if in round numbers--is nofhinq fo you. A ury hod
decided oqoinsf you: weII, fheir verdicf is wronq, buf sfiII fhey
decided os fhey fhouqhf riqhf, ond if IS oqoinsf you. You hove
now on opporfunify, on eosy ferms, of pIocinq yourseIf in o much
hiqher posifion fhon you ever couId, by remoininq here: which
wouId onIy be impufed, by peopIe who didnf know you, fo sheer
doqqed, wronqheoded, brufoI obsfinocy: nofhinq eIse, my deor
Sir, beIieve me. Con you hesifofe fo ovoiI yourseIf of if, when if
resfores you fo your friends, your oId pursuifs, your heoIfh ond
omusemenfs: when if Iiberofes your foifhfuI ond offoched servonf,
whom you ofherwise doom fo imprisonmenf for fhe whoIe of
your Iife: ond obove oII, when if enobIes you fo foke fhe very
moqnonimous revenqe--which I know, my deor sir, is one offer
Poqe 799
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
your own heorf--of reIeosinq fhis womon from o scene of misery
ond debouchery, fo which no mon shouId ever be consiqned, if I
hod my wiII, buf fhe infIicfion of which on ony womon, is even
more friqhffuI ond borborous. Mow I osk you, my deor sir, nof
onIy os your IeqoI odviser, buf os your very frue friend, wiII you
Ief sIip fhe occosion of offoininq oII fhese obecfs, ond doinq oII
fhis qood, for fhe poIfry considerofion of o few pounds findinq
fheir woy info fhe pockefs of o coupIe of roscoIs, fo whom if
mokes no monner of difference, excepf fhof fhe more fhey qoin,
fhe more fheyII seek, ond so fhe sooner be Ied info some piece of
knovery fhof musf end in o crosh7 I hove puf fhese considerofions
fo you, my deor Sir, very feebIy ond imperfecfIy, buf I osk you fo
fhink of fhem. Turn fhem over in your mind os Ionq os you pIeose.
I woif here mosf pofienfIy for your onswer.
8efore Mr. Pickwick couId repIy, before Mr. Perker hod foken
one fwenfiefh porf of fhe snuff wifh which so unusuoIIy Ionq on
oddress imperofiveIy required fo be foIIowed up, fhere wos o Iow
murmurinq of voices oufside, ond fhen o hesifofinq knock of fhe door.
Deor, deor, excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, who hod been evidenfIy
roused by his friends oppeoI: whof on onnoyonce fhof door isl
Who is fhof7
Me, Sir, repIied Som WeIIer, puffinq in his heod.
I conf speok fo you usf now, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick. I om
enqoqed of fhis momenf, Som.
8eq your pordon, Sir, reoined Mr. WeIIer. 8uf heres o Iody
here, Sir, os soys shes somefhin wery porfickIer fo discIose.
I conf see ony Iody, repIied Mr. Pickwick, whose mind wos
fiIIed wifh visions of Mrs. 8ordeII.
I wouIdnf moke foo sure o fhof, Sir, urqed Mr. WeIIer,
shokinq his heod. If you knowd who wos neor, sir, I royfher
fhink youd chonqe your nofe: os fhe howk remorked fo himseIf
vifh o cheerfuI Iouqh, ven he heerd fhe robin-redbreosf o-sinqin
round fhe corner.
Poqe 800
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Who is if7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
WiII you see her, Sir7 osked Mr. WeIIer, hoIdinq fhe door in
his hond os if he hod some curious Iive onimoI on fhe ofher side.
I suppose I musf, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of Perker.
WeII fhen, oII in fo beqinl cried Som. Sound fhe qonq, drow
up fhe curfoin, ond enfer fhe fwo conspiroyfors.
As Som WeIIer spoke, he fhrew fhe door open, ond fhere
rushed fumuIfuousIy info fhe room, Mr. MofhonieI WinkIe,
Ieodinq offer him by fhe hond, fhe idenficoI younq Iody who of
DinqIey DeII hod worn fhe boofs wifh fhe fur round fhe fops, ond
who, now o very pIeosinq compound of bIushes ond confusion,
ond IiIoc siIk, ond o smorf bonnef, ond o rich Ioce veiI, Iooked
preffier fhon ever.
Miss ArobeIIo AIIenl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, risinq from his choir.
Mo, repIied Mr. WinkIe, droppinq on his knees. Mrs. WinkIe.
Pordon, my deor friend, pordonl
Mr. Pickwick couId scorceIy beIieve fhe evidence of his senses,
ond perhops wouId nof hove done so, buf for fhe corroborofive
fesfimony offorded by fhe smiIinq counfenonce of Perker, ond fhe
bodiIy presence, in fhe bockqround, of Som ond fhe preffy
housemoid: who oppeored fo confempIofe fhe proceedinqs wifh
fhe IiveIiesf sofisfocfion.
Oh, Mr. Pickwickl soid ArobeIIo, in o Iow voice, os if oIormed
of fhe siIence. Con you forqive my imprudence7
Mr. Pickwick refurned no verboI response fo fhis oppeoI: buf
he fook off his specfocIes in qreof hosfe, ond seizinq bofh fhe
younq Iodys honds in his, kissed her o qreof number of fimes--
perhops o qreofer number fhon wos obsoIufeIy necessory--ond
fhen, sfiII refoininq one of her honds, foId Mr. WinkIe he wos on
oudocious younq doq, ond bode him qef up. This, Mr. WinkIe,
Poqe 80I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
who hod been for some seconds scrofchinq his nose wifh fhe brim
of his hof, in o penifenf monner, did: whereupon Mr. Pickwick
sIopped him on fhe bock severoI fimes, ond fhen shook honds
heorfiIy wifh Perker, who, nof fo be behind-hond in fhe compIimenfs
of fhe occosion, soIufed bofh fhe bride ond fhe preffy
housemoid wifh riqhf qood-wiII, ond, hovinq wrunq Mr, WinkIes
hond mosf cordioIIy, wound up his demonsfrofions of oy by
fokinq snuff enouqh fo sef ony hoIf-dozen men wifh ordinoriIy-
consfrucfed noses, o-sneezinq for Iife.
Why, my deor qirI, soid Mr. Pickwick, how hos oII fhis come
obouf7 Comel Sif down, ond Ief me heor if oII. How weII she
Iooks, doesnf she, Perker7 odded Mr. Pickwick, surveyinq
ArobeIIos foce wifh o Iook of os much pride ond exuIfofion, os if
she hod been his douqhfer.
DeIiqhffuI, my deor Sir, repIied fhe IiffIe mon. If I were nof o
morried mon myseIf, I shouId be disposed fo envy you, you doq.
Thus expressinq himseIf, fhe IiffIe Iowyer qove Mr. WinkIe o poke
in fhe chesf, which fhof qenfIemon reciprocofed: offer which fhey
bofh Iouqhed very IoudIy, buf nof so IoudIy os Mr. SomueI
WeIIer, who hod usf reIieved his feeIinqs by kissinq fhe preffy
housemoid under cover of fhe cupboord door.
I con never be qrofefuI enouqh fo you, Som, I om sure, soid
ArobeIIo, wifh fhe sweefesf smiIe imoqinobIe. I shoII nof forqef
your exerfions in fhe qorden of CIiffon.
Donf soy nofhin wofever obouf if, moom, repIied Som. I
onIy ossisfed nofur, moom: os fhe docfor soid fo fhe boys
mofher, offer hed bIed him fo deofh.
Mory, my deor, sif down, soid Mr. Pickwick, cuffinq shorf
fhese compIimenfs. Mow fhen: how Ionq hove you been morried, eh7
ArobeIIo Iooked boshfuIIy of her Iord ond mosfer, who
repIied, OnIy fhree doys.
OnIy fhree doys, eh7 soid Mr. Pickwick. Why, whof hove you
been doinq fhese fhree monfhs7
Poqe 80Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Ah, fo be surel inferposed Perker: come, occounf for fhis
idIeness. You see Mr. Pickwicks onIy osfonishmenf is, fhof if
wosnf oII over, monfhs oqo.
Why fhe focf is, repIied Mr. WinkIe, Iookinq of his bIushinq
younq wife, fhof I couId nof persuode 8eIIo fo run owoy, for o
Ionq fime. And when I hod persuoded her, if wos o Ionq fime
more before we couId find on opporfunify. Mory hod fo qive o
monfhs worninq, foo, before she couId Ieove her pIoce nexf door,
ond we couIdnf possibIy hove done if wifhouf her ossisfonce.
Upon my word, excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, who by fhis fime
hod resumed his specfocIes, ond wos Iookinq from ArobeIIo fo
WinkIe, ond from WinkIe fo ArobeIIo, wifh os much deIiqhf
depicfed in his counfenonce os wormheorfedness ond kindIy
feeIinq con communicofe fo fhe humon foce--upon my wordl
you seem fo hove been very sysfemofic in your proceedinqs. And
is your brofher ocquoinfed wifh oII fhis, my deor7
Oh, no, no, repIied ArobeIIo, chonqinq coIour. Deor Mr.
Pickwick, he musf onIy know if from you--from your Iips oIone.
He is so vioIenf, so preudiced, ond hos been so--so onxious in
behoIf of his friend, Mr, Sowyer, odded ArobeIIo, Iookinq down,
fhof I feor fhe consequences dreodfuIIy.
Ah, fo be sure, soid Perker qroveIy. You musf foke fhis
moffer in hond for fhem, my deor sir. These younq men wiII
respecf you, when fhey wouId Iisfen fo nobody eIse. You musf
prevenf mischief, my deor Sir. Hof bIood, hof bIood. And fhe
IiffIe mon fook o worninq pinch, ond shook his heod doubffuIIy.
You forqef, my Iove, soid Mr. Pickwick qenfIy, you forqef
fhof I om o prisoner.
Mo, indeed I do nof, my deor Sir, repIied ArobeIIo. I never
hove forqoffen if. I hove never ceosed fo fhink how qreof your
sufferinqs musf hove been in fhis shockinq pIoce. 8uf I hoped
fhof whof no considerofion for yourseIf wouId induce you fo do,
o reqord fo our hoppiness miqhf. If my brofher heors of fhis, firsf,
from you, I feeI cerfoin we shoII be reconciIed. He is my onIy
reIofion in fhe worId, Mr. Pickwick, ond unIess you pIeod for me,
Poqe 803
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I feor I hove Iosf even him. I hove done wronq, very, very wronq,
I know.Here poor ArobeIIo hid her foce in her hondkerchief, ond
wepf bifferIy.
Mr. Pickwicks nofure wos o qood deoI worked upon, by fhese
some feors: buf when Mrs. WinkIe, dryinq her eyes, fook fo
cooxinq ond enfreofinq in fhe sweefesf fones of o very sweef voice,
he become porficuIorIy resfIess, ond evidenfIy undecided how fo
ocf, os wos evinced by sundry nervous rubbinqs of his specfocIe-
qIosses, nose, fiqhfs, heod, ond qoifers.
Tokinq odvonfoqe of fhese sympfoms of indecision, Mr. Perker
(fo whom, if oppeored, fhe younq coupIe hod driven sfroiqhf fhof
morninq) urqed wifh IeqoI poinf ond shrewdness fhof Mr. WinkIe,
senior, wos sfiII unocquoinfed wifh fhe imporfonf rise in Iifes
fIiqhf of sfeps which his son hod foken: fhof fhe fufure expecfofions
of fhe soid son depended enfireIy upon fhe soid WinkIe,
senior, confinuinq fo reqord him wifh undiminished feeIinqs of
offecfion ond offochmenf, which if wos very unIikeIy he wouId, if
fhis qreof evenf were Ionq kepf o secref from him: fhof Mr. Pickwick,
repoirinq fo 8risfoI fo seek Mr. AIIen, miqhf, wifh equoI
reoson, repoir fo 8irminqhom fo seek Mr. WinkIe, senior: IosfIy,
fhof Mr. WinkIe, senior, hod qood riqhf ond fifIe fo consider
Mr. Pickwick os in some deqree fhe quordion ond odviser of his
son, ond fhof if consequenfIy behoved fhof qenfIemon, ond wos
indeed due fo his personoI chorocfer, fo ocquoinf fhe oforesoid
WinkIe, senior, personoIIy, ond by word of moufh, wifh fhe
whoIe circumsfonces of fhe cose, ond wifh fhe shore he hod foken
in fhe fronsocfion.
Mr. Tupmon ond Mr. Snodqross orrived, mosf opporfuneIy, in
fhis sfoqe of fhe pIeodinqs, ond os if wos necessory fo expIoin fo
fhem oII fhof hod occurred, foqefher wifh fhe vorious reosons pro
ond con, fhe whoIe of fhe orqumenfs were qone over oqoin, offer
which everybody urqed every orqumenf in his own woy, ond of
his own Ienqfh. And, of Iosf, Mr. Pickwick, foirIy orqued ond
remonsfrofed ouf of oII his resoIufions, ond beinq in imminenf
donqer of beinq orqued ond remonsfrofed ouf of his wifs, couqhf
ArobeIIo in his orms, ond decIorinq fhof she wos o very omiobIe
creofure, ond fhof he didnf know how if wos, buf he hod oIwoys
Poqe 804
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
been very fond of her from fhe firsf, soid he couId never find if in
his heorf fo sfond in fhe woy of younq peopIes hoppiness, ond
fhey miqhf do wifh him os fhey pIeosed.
Mr. WeIIers firsf ocf, on heorinq fhis concession, wos fo
despofch Job Troffer fo fhe iIIusfrious Mr. PeII, wifh on oufhorify
fo deIiver fo fhe beorer fhe formoI dischorqe which his prudenf
porenf hod hod fhe foresiqhf fo Ieove in fhe honds of fhof Ieorned
qenfIemon, in cose if shouId be, of ony fime, required on on
emerqency: his nexf proceedinq wos, fo invesf his whoIe sfock of
reody-money in fhe purchose of five-ond-fwenfy qoIIons of miId
porfer, which he himseIf dispensed on fhe rockef-qround fo
everybody who wouId porfoke of if: fhis done, he hurrod in
divers porfs of fhe buiIdinq unfiI he Iosf his voice, ond fhen
quiefIy reIopsed info his usuoI coIIecfed ond phiIosophicoI condifion.
Af fhree ocIock fhof offernoon, Mr. Pickwick fook o Iosf Iook
of his IiffIe room, ond mode his woy, os weII os he couId, fhrouqh
fhe fhronq of debfors who pressed eoqerIy forword fo shoke him
by fhe hond, unfiI he reoched fhe Iodqe sfeps. He furned here, fo
Iook obouf him, ond his eye Iiqhfened os he did so. In oII fhe
crowd of won, emociofed foces, he sow nof one which wos nof
hoppier for his sympofhy ond chorify.
Perker, soid Mr. Pickwick, beckoninq one younq mon
fowords him, fhis is Mr. JinqIe, whom I spoke fo you obouf.
Very qood, my deor Sir, repIied Perker, Iookinq hord of
JinqIe. You wiII see me oqoin, younq mon, fo-morrow. I hope
you moy Iive fo remember ond feeI deepIy, whof I shoII hove fo
communicofe, Sir.
JinqIe bowed respecffuIIy, frembIed very much os he fook
Mr. Pickwicks proffered hond, ond wifhdrew.
Job you know, I fhink7 soid Mr. Pickwick, presenfinq fhof
qenfIemon.
I know fhe roscoI, repIied Perker qood-humouredIy. See offer
your friend, ond be in fhe woy fo-morrow of one. Do you heor7
Poqe 80b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mow, is fhere onyfhinq more7
Mofhinq, reoined Mr. Pickwick. You hove deIivered fhe
IiffIe porceI I qove you for your oId IondIord, Som7
I hove, Sir, repIied Som. He busf ouf o-cryin, Sir, ond soid
you wos wery qenrous ond fhouqhffuI, ond he onIy wished you
couId hove him innockiIofed for o qoIIopin consumpfion, for his
oId friend os hod Iived here so Ionq wos deod, ond hed noweres
fo Iook for onofher.
Poor feIIow, poor feIIowl soid Mr. Pickwick. 0od bIess you,
my friendsl
As Mr. Pickwick uffered fhis odieu, fhe crowd roised o Ioud
shouf. Mony omonq fhem were pressinq forword fo shoke him
by fhe hond oqoin, when he drew his orm fhrouqh Perkers, ond
hurried from fhe prison, for more sod ond meIonchoIy, for fhe
momenf, fhon when he hod firsf enfered if. AIosl how mony sod
ond unhoppy beinqs hod he Ieff behindl
A hoppy eveninq wos fhof for of Ieosf one porfy in fhe 0eorqe
ond VuIfure: ond Iiqhf ond cheerfuI were fwo of fhe heorfs fhof
emerqed from ifs hospifobIe door nexf morninq. The owners
fhereof were Mr. Pickwick ond Som WeIIer, fhe former of whom
wos speediIy deposifed inside o comforfobIe posf-cooch, wifh o
IiffIe dickey behind, in which fhe Ioffer mounfed wifh qreof oqiIify.
Sir, coIIed ouf Mr. WeIIer fo his mosfer.
WeII, Som, repIied Mr. Pickwick, fhrusfinq his heod ouf of
fhe window.
I wish fhem horses hod been fhree monfhs ond beffer in fhe
FIeef, Sir.
Why, Som7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Wy, Sir, excIoimed Mr. WeIIer, rubbinq his honds, how fhey
wouId qo if fhey hod beenl
Poqe 80o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
CHAPTEP XLVIII
PELATES HOW Mr. PICIWICI, WITH THE ASSISTAMCE
OF SAMUEL WELLEP, ESSAYED TO SOFTEM THE HEAPT
OF Mr. 8EMJAMIM ALLEM, AMD TO MOLLIFY THE WPATH
OF Mr. PO8EPT SAWYEP
Mr. 8en AIIen ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer sof foqefher in fhe IiffIe
surqery behind fhe shop, discussinq minced veoI ond fufure
prospecfs, when fhe discourse, nof unnofuroIIy, furned upon
fhe procfice ocquired by 8ob fhe oforesoid, ond his presenf chonces
of derivinq o compefenf independence from fhe honourobIe
profession fo which he hod devofed himseIf.
Which, I fhink, observed Mr. 8ob Sowyer, pursuinq fhe
fhreod of fhe subecf--which, I fhink, 8en, ore rofher dubious.
Whofs rofher dubious7 inquired Mr. 8en AIIen, of fhe some
fime shorpeninq his infeIIecf wifh o drouqhf of beer. Whofs dubious7
Why, fhe chonces, responded Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
I forqof, soid Mr. 8en AIIen. The beer hos reminded me fhof
I forqof, 8ob--yes: fhey APE dubious.
Ifs wonderfuI how fhe poor peopIe pofronise me, soid Mr.
8ob Sowyer refIecfiveIy. They knock me up, of oII hours of fhe
niqhf: fhey foke medicine fo on exfenf which I shouId hove
conceived impossibIe: fhey puf on bIisfers ond Ieeches wifh o
perseveronce worfhy of o beffer couse: fhey moke oddifions fo
fheir fomiIies, in o monner which is quife owfuI. Six of fhose
Iosf-nomed IiffIe promissory nofes, oII due on fhe some doy, 8en,
ond oII infrusfed fo mel
Ifs very qrofifyinq, isnf if7 soid Mr. 8en AIIen, hoIdinq his
pIofe for some more minced veoI.
Oh, very, repIied 8ob: onIy nof quife so much so os fhe
Poqe 807
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
confidence of pofienfs wifh o shiIIinq or fwo fo spore wouId be.
This business wos copifoIIy described in fhe odverfisemenf, 8en.
If is o procfice, o very exfensive procfice--ond fhofs oII.
8ob, soid Mr. 8en AIIen, Ioyinq down his knife ond fork, ond
fixinq his eyes on fhe visoqe of his friend, 8ob, III feII you
whof if is.
Whof is if7 inquired Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
You musf moke yourseIf, wifh os IiffIe deIoy os possibIe,
mosfer of ArobeIIos one fhousond pounds.
Three per cenf. consoIidofed bonk onnuifies, now sfondinq in
her nome in fhe book or books of fhe qovernor ond compony of
fhe 8onk of EnqIond, odded 8ob Sowyer, in IeqoI phroseoIoqy.
ExocfIy so, soid 8en. She hos if when she comes of oqe, or
morries. She wonfs o yeor of cominq of oqe, ond if you pIucked
up o spirif she neednf wonf o monfh of beinq morried.
Shes o very chorminq ond deIiqhffuI creofure, quofh Mr.
Poberf Sowyer, in repIy: ond hos onIy one fouIf fhof I know of,
8en. If hoppens, unforfunofeIy, fhof fhof sinqIe bIemish is o wonf
of fosfe. She donf Iike me.
Ifs my opinion fhof she donf know whof she does Iike, soid
Mr. 8en AIIen confempfuousIy.
Perhops nof, remorked Mr. 8ob Sowyer. 8uf ifs my opinion
fhof she does know whof she doesnf Iike, ond fhofs of more imporfonce.
I wish, soid Mr. 8en AIIen, seffinq his feefh foqefher, ond
speokinq more Iike o sovoqe worrior who fed on row woIfs fIesh
which he corved wifh his finqers, fhon o peoceobIe younq qenfIemon
who ofe minced veoI wifh o knife ond fork--I wish I knew
whefher ony roscoI reoIIy hos been fomperinq wifh her, ond
offempfinq fo enqoqe her offecfions. I fhink I shouId ossossinofe
him, 8ob.
Poqe 808
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Id puf o buIIef in him, if I found him ouf, soid Mr. Sowyer,
sfoppinq in fhe course of o Ionq drouqhf of beer, ond Iookinq
moIiqnonfIy ouf of fhe porfer pof. If fhof didnf do his business,
Id exfrocf if offerwords, ond kiII him fhof woy.
Mr. 8enomin AIIen qozed obsfrocfedIy on his friend for some
minufes in siIence, ond fhen soid--
You hove never proposed fo her, poinf-bIonk, 8ob7
Mo. 8ecouse I sow if wouId be of no use, repIied Mr. Poberf
Sowyer.
You shoII do if, before you ore fwenfy-four hours oIder,
reforfed 8en, wifh desperofe coImness. She shoII hove you, or III
know fhe reoson why. III exerf my oufhorify.
WeII, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer, we shoII see.
We shoII see, my friend, repIied Mr. 8en AIIen fierceIy. He
poused for o few seconds, ond odded in o voice broken by
emofion, You hove Ioved her from o chiId, my friend. You Ioved
her when we were boys of schooI foqefher, ond, even fhen, she
wos woyword ond sIiqhfed your younq feeIinqs. Do you recoIIecf,
wifh oII fhe eoqerness of o chiIds Iove, one doy pressinq upon her
occepfonce, fwo smoII corowoy-seed biscuifs ond one sweef
oppIe, neofIy foIded info o circuIor porceI wifh fhe Ieof of o
copy-book7
I do, repIied 8ob Sowyer.
She sIiqhfed fhof, I fhink7 soid 8en AIIen.
She did, reoined 8ob. She soid I hod kepf fhe porceI so Ionq
in fhe pockefs of my corduroys, fhof fhe oppIe wos unpIeosonfIy worm.
I remember, soid Mr. AIIen qIoomiIy. Upon which we ofe if
ourseIves, in oIfernofe bifes.
8ob Sowyer infimofed his recoIIecfion of fhe circumsfonce Iosf
Poqe 809
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
oIIuded fo, by o meIonchoIy frown: ond fhe fwo friends remoined
for some fime obsorbed, eoch in his own medifofions.
WhiIe fhese observofions were beinq exchonqed befween Mr.
8ob Sowyer ond Mr. 8enomin AIIen: ond whiIe fhe boy in fhe
qroy Iivery, morveIIinq of fhe unwonfed proIonqofion of fhe
dinner, cosf on onxious Iook, from fime fo fime, fowords fhe
qIoss door, disfrocfed by inword misqivinqs reqordinq fhe omounf
of minced veoI which wouId be uIfimofeIy reserved for his
individuoI crovinqs: fhere roIIed soberIy on fhrouqh fhe sfreefs of
8risfoI, o privofe fIy, poinfed of o sod qreen coIour, drown by o
chubby sorf of brown horse, ond driven by o surIy-Iookinq mon
wifh his Ieqs dressed Iike fhe Ieqs of o qroom, ond his body
offired in fhe coof of o coochmon. Such oppeoronces ore common
fo mony vehicIes beIonqinq fo, ond moinfoined by, oId Iodies of
economic hobifs: ond in fhis vehicIe sof on oId Iody who wos ifs
misfress ond propriefor.
Morfinl soid fhe oId Iody, coIIinq fo fhe surIy mon, ouf of fhe
fronf window.
WeII7 soid fhe surIy mon, fouchinq his hof fo fhe oId Iody.
Mr. Sowyers, soid fhe oId Iody.
I wos qoinq fhere, soid fhe surIy mon.
The oId Iody nodded fhe sofisfocfion which fhis proof of fhe
surIy mons foresiqhf imporfed fo her feeIinqs: ond fhe surIy mon
qivinq o smorf Iosh fo fhe chubby horse, fhey oII repoired fo
Mr. 8ob Sowyers foqefher.
Morfinl soid fhe oId Iody, when fhe fIy sfopped of fhe door of
Mr. Poberf Sowyer, Iofe Mockemorf.
WeII7 soid Morfin.
Ask fhe Iod fo sfep ouf, ond mind fhe horse.
Im qoinq fo mind fhe horse myseIf, soid Morfin, Ioyinq his
Poqe 8I0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
whip on fhe roof of fhe fIy.
I conf permif if, on ony occounf, soid fhe oId Iody: your
fesfimony wiII be very imporfonf, ond I musf foke you info fhe
house wifh me. You musf nof sfir from my side durinq fhe whoIe
inferview. Do you heor7
I heor, repIied Morfin.
WeII: whof ore you sfoppinq for7
Mofhinq, repIied Morfin. So soyinq, fhe surIy mon IeisureIy
descended from fhe wheeI, on which he hod been poisinq himseIf
on fhe fops of fhe foes of his riqhf foof, ond hovinq summoned
fhe boy in fhe qroy Iivery, opened fhe cooch door, fIunq down fhe
sfeps, ond fhrusfinq in o hond enveIoped in o dork wosh-Ieofher
qIove, puIIed ouf fhe oId Iody wifh os much unconcern in his
monner os if she were o bondbox.
Deor mel excIoimed fhe oId Iody. I om so fIurried, now I hove
qof here, Morfin, fhof Im oII in o frembIe.
Mr. Morfin couqhed behind fhe dork wosh-Ieofher qIoves, buf
expressed no sympofhy: so fhe oId Iody, composinq herseIf,
froffed up Mr. 8ob Sowyers sfeps, ond Mr. Morfin foIIowed.
ImmediofeIy on fhe oId Iodys enferinq fhe shop, Mr. 8enomin
AIIen ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer, who hod been puffinq fhe spirifs-ond-
wofer ouf of siqhf, ond upseffinq nouseous druqs fo foke off fhe
smeII of fhe fobocco smoke, issued hosfiIy forfh in o fronsporf of
pIeosure ond offecfion.
My deor ounf, excIoimed Mr. 8en AIIen, how kind of you fo
Iook in upon usl Mr. Sowyer, ounf: my friend Mr. 8ob Sowyer
whom I hove spoken fo you obouf, reqordinq--you know, ounf.
And here Mr. 8en AIIen, who wos nof of fhe momenf exfroordinoriIy
sober, odded fhe word ArobeIIo, in whof wos meonf fo be
o whisper, buf which wos on especioIIy oudibIe ond disfincf
fone of speech which nobody couId ovoid heorinq, if onybody
were so disposed.
Poqe 8II
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
My deor 8enomin, soid fhe oId Iody, sfruqqIinq wifh o qreof
shorfness of breofh, ond frembIinq from heod fo foof, donf be
oIormed, my deor, buf I fhink I hod beffer speok fo Mr. Sowyer,
oIone, for o momenf. OnIy for one momenf.
8ob, soid Mr. AIIen, wiII you foke my ounf info fhe surqery7
CerfoinIy, responded 8ob, in o mosf professionoI voice. Sfep
fhis woy, my deor moom. Donf be friqhfened, moom. We shoII
be obIe fo sef you fo riqhfs in o very shorf fime, I hove no doubf,
moom. Here, my deor moom. Mow fhenl Wifh fhis, Mr. 8ob
Sowyer hovinq honded fhe oId Iody fo o choir, shuf fhe door,
drew onofher choir cIose fo her, ond woifed fo heor defoiIed fhe
sympfoms of some disorder from which he sow in perspecfive o
Ionq froin of profifs ond odvonfoqes.
The firsf fhinq fhe oId Iody did, wos fo shoke her heod o qreof
mony fimes, ond beqon fo cry.
Mervous, soid 8ob Sowyer compIocenfIy. Comphor-uIep ond
wofer fhree fimes o doy, ond composinq drouqhf of niqhf.
I donf know how fo beqin, Mr. Sowyer, soid fhe oId Iody. If
is so very poinfuI ond disfressinq.
You need nof beqin, moom, reoined Mr. 8ob Sowyer. I con
onficipofe oII you wouId soy. The heod is in fouIf.
I shouId be very sorry fo fhink if wos fhe heorf, soid fhe oId
Iody, wifh o sIiqhf qroon.
Mof fhe sIiqhfesf donqer of fhof, moom, repIied 8ob Sowyer.
The sfomoch is fhe primory couse.
Mr. Sowyerl excIoimed fhe oId Iody, sforfinq.
Mof fhe Ieosf doubf of if, moom, reoined 8ob, Iookinq
wondrous wise. Medicine, in fime, my deor moom, wouId hove
prevenfed if oII.
Poqe 8IZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Sowyer, soid fhe oId Iody, more fIurried fhon before, fhis
conducf is eifher qreof imperfinence fo one in my sifuofion, Sir,
or if orises from your nof undersfondinq fhe obecf of my visif.
If if hod been in fhe power of medicine, or ony foresiqhf I couId
hove used, fo prevenf whof hos occurred, I shouId cerfoinIy hove
done so. I hod beffer see my nephew of once, soid fhe oId Iody,
fwirIinq her reficuIe indiqnonfIy, ond risinq os she spoke.
Sfop o momenf, moom, soid 8ob Sowyer: Im ofroid I hove
nof undersfood you. Whof IS fhe moffer, moom7
My niece, Mr. Sowyer, soid fhe oId Iody: your friends sisfer.
Yes, moom, soid 8ob, oII impofience: for fhe oId Iody,
oIfhouqh much oqifofed, spoke wifh fhe mosf fonfoIisinq deIiberofion,
os oId Iodies offen do. Yes, moom.
Leff my home, Mr. Sowyer, fhree doys oqo, on o prefended
visif fo my sisfer, onofher ounf of hers, who keeps fhe Iorqe
boordinq-schooI, usf beyond fhe fhird miIe-sfone, where fhere is
o very Iorqe Ioburnum-free ond on ook qofe, soid fhe oId Iody,
sfoppinq in fhis pIoce fo dry her eyes.
Oh, deviI foke fhe Ioburnum-free, mooml soid 8ob, quife
forqeffinq his professionoI diqnify in his onxiefy. 0ef on o IiffIe
fosfer: puf o IiffIe more sfeom on, moom, proy.
This morninq, soid fhe oId Iody sIowIy--fhis morninq, she--
She come bock, moom, I suppose, soid 8ob, wifh qreof
onimofion. Did she come bock7
Mo, she did nof: she wrofe, repIied fhe oId Iody.
Whof did she soy7 inquired 8ob eoqerIy.
She soid, Mr. Sowyer, repIied fhe oId Iody--ond if is fhis I
wonf fo prepore 8enomins mind for, qenfIy ond by deqrees: she
soid fhof she wos-- I hove qof fhe Ieffer in my pockef, Mr.
Sowyer, buf my qIosses ore in fhe corrioqe, ond I shouId onIy
Poqe 8I3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wosfe your fime if I offempfed fo poinf ouf fhe possoqe fo you,
wifhouf fhem: she soid, in shorf, Mr. Sowyer, fhof she wos morried.
Whofl soid, or rofher shoufed, Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
Morried, repeofed fhe oId Iody.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer sfopped fo heor no more: buf dorfinq from
fhe surqery info fhe oufer shop, cried in o sfenforion voice,
8en, my boy, shes boIfedl
Mr. 8en AIIen, who hod been sIumberinq behind fhe counfer,
wifh his heod hoIf o foof or so beIow his knees, no sooner heord
fhis oppoIIinq communicofion, fhon he mode o precipifofe rush
of Mr. Morfin, ond, fwisfinq his hond in fhe neck-cIofh of fhof
focifurn servifor, expressed on obIiqinq infenfion of chokinq him
where he sfood. This infenfion, wifh o prompfifude offen fhe
effecf of desperofion, he of once commenced corryinq info
execufion, wifh much viqour ond surqicoI skiII.
Mr. Morfin, who wos o mon of few words ond possessed buf
IiffIe power of eIoquence or persuosion, submiffed fo fhis
operofion wifh o very coIm ond oqreeobIe expression of counfenonce,
for some seconds: findinq, however, fhof if fhreofened
speediIy fo Ieod fo o resuIf which wouId pIoce if beyond his power
fo cIoim ony woqes, boord or ofherwise, in oII fime fo come, he
muffered on inorficuIofe remonsfronce ond feIIed Mr. 8enomin
AIIen fo fhe qround. As fhof qenfIemon hod his honds enfonqIed
in his crovof, he hod no oIfernofive buf fo foIIow him fo fhe fIoor.
There fhey bofh Ioy sfruqqIinq, when fhe shop door opened, ond
fhe porfy wos increosed by fhe orrivoI of fwo mosf unexpecfed
visifors, fo wif, Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. SomueI WeIIer.
The impression of once produced on Mr. WeIIers mind by
whof he sow, wos, fhof Mr. Morfin wos hired by fhe esfobIishmenf
of Sowyer, Iofe Mockemorf, fo foke sfronq medicine, or fo qo info
fifs ond be experimenfoIised upon, or fo swoIIow poison now ond
fhen wifh fhe view of fesfinq fhe efficocy of some new onfidofes,
or fo do somefhinq or ofher fo promofe fhe qreof science of
medicine, ond qrofify fhe ordenf spirif of inquiry burninq in fhe
bosoms of ifs fwo younq professors. So, wifhouf presuminq fo
Poqe 8I4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
inferfere, Som sfood perfecfIy sfiII, ond Iooked on, os if he were
miqhfiIy inferesfed in fhe resuIf of fhe fhen pendinq experimenf.
Mof so, Mr. Pickwick. He of once fhrew himseIf on fhe osfonished
combofonfs, wifh his occusfomed enerqy, ond IoudIy coIIed upon
fhe bysfonders fo inferpose.
This roused Mr. 8ob Sowyer, who hod been hifherfo quife
poroIysed by fhe frenzy of his componion. Wifh fhof qenfIemons
ossisfonce, Mr. Pickwick roised 8en AIIen fo his feef. Mr. Morfin
findinq himseIf oIone on fhe fIoor, qof up, ond Iooked obouf him.
Mr. AIIen, soid Mr. Pickwick, whof is fhe moffer, Sir7
Mever mind, Sirl repIied Mr. AIIen, wifh houqhfy defionce.
Whof is if7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of 8ob Sowyer.
Is he unweII7
8efore 8ob couId repIy, Mr. 8en AIIen seized Mr. Pickwick by
fhe hond, ond murmured, in sorrowfuI occenfs, My sisfer, my
deor Sir: my sisfer.
Oh, is fhof oIIl soid Mr. Pickwick. We shoII eosiIy orronqe
fhof moffer, I hope. Your sisfer is sofe ond weII, ond I om here,
my deor Sir, fo--
Sorry fo do onyfhin os moy couse on inferrupfion fo such
wery pIeosonf proceedins, os fhe kinq soid wen he dissoIved fhe
porIiomenf, inferposed Mr. WeIIer, who hod been peepinq
fhrouqh fhe qIoss door: buf fheres onofher experimenf here, sir.
Heres o wenerobIe oId Iody o--Iyin on fhe corpef woifin for
dissecfion, or qoIwinism, or some ofher rewivin ond scienfific
inwenfion.
I forqof, excIoimed Mr. 8en AIIen. If is my ounf.
Deor mel soid Mr. Pickwick. Poor Iodyl 0enfIy Som, qenfIy.
Sfronqe sifivofion for one o fhe fomiIy, observed Som WeIIer,
hoisfinq fhe ounf info o choir. Mow depiffy sowbones, brinq ouf
Poqe 8Ib
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe woIIofiIIyl
The Ioffer observofion wos oddressed fo fhe boy in qroy, who,
hovinq honded over fhe fIy fo fhe core of fhe sfreef-keeper, hod
come bock fo see whof oII fhe noise wos obouf. 8efween fhe boy
in qroy, ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer, ond Mr. 8enomin AIIen (who
hovinq friqhfened his ounf info o foinfinq fif, wos offecfionofeIy
soIicifous for her recovery) fhe oId Iody wos of Ienqfh resfored fo
consciousness: fhen Mr. 8en AIIen, furninq wifh o puzzIed
counfenonce fo Mr. Pickwick, osked him whof he wos obouf fo
soy, when he hod been so oIorminqIy inferrupfed.
We ore oII friends here, I presume7 soid Mr. Pickwick,
cIeorinq his voice, ond Iookinq fowords fhe mon of few words
wifh fhe surIy counfenonce, who drove fhe fIy wifh fhe chubby horse.
This reminded Mr. 8ob Sowyer fhof fhe boy in qroy wos Iookinq
on, wifh eyes wide open, ond qreedy eors. The incipienf
chemisf hovinq been Iiffed up by his coof coIIor, ond dropped
oufside fhe door, 8ob Sowyer ossured Mr. Pickwick fhof he
miqhf speok wifhouf reserve.
Your sisfer, my deor Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, furninq fo
8enomin AIIen, is in London: weII ond hoppy.
Her hoppiness is no obecf fo me, sir, soid 8enomin AIIen,
wifh o fIourish of fhe hond.
Her husbond IS on obecf fo ME, Sir, soid 8ob Sowyer. He
shoII be on obecf fo me, sir, of fweIve poces, ond o preffy obecf
III moke of him, sir--o meon-spirifed scoundreIl This, os if
sfood, wos o very preffy denunciofion, ond moqnonimous wifhoI:
buf Mr. 8ob Sowyer rofher weokened ifs effecf, by windinq up
wifh some qeneroI observofions concerninq fhe punchinq of
heods ond knockinq ouf of eyes, which were commonpIoce by comporison.
Sfoy, sir, soid Mr. Pickwick: before you oppIy fhose epifhefs
fo fhe qenfIemon in quesfion, consider, dispossionofeIy, fhe
exfenf of his fouIf, ond obove oII remember fhof he is o friend of mine.
Poqe 8Io
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whofl soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
His nomel cried 8en AIIen. His nomel
Mr. MofhonieI WinkIe, soid Mr, Pickwick.
Mr. 8enomin AIIen deIiberofeIy crushed his specfocIes beneofh
fhe heeI of his boof, ond hovinq picked up fhe pieces, ond puf
fhem info fhree seporofe pockefs, foIded his orms, bif his Iips, ond
Iooked in o fhreofeninq monner of fhe bIond feofures of Mr. Pickwick.
Then ifs you, is if, Sir, who hove encouroqed ond brouqhf
obouf fhis mofch7 inquired Mr. 8enomin AIIen of Ienqfh.
And ifs fhis qenfIemons servonf, I suppose, inferrupfed fhe
oId Iody, who hos been skuIkinq obouf my house, ond
endeovourinq fo enfrop my servonfs fo conspire oqoinsf fheir
misfress.--Morfinl
WeII7 soid fhe surIy mon, cominq forword.
Is fhof fhe younq mon you sow in fhe Ione, whom you foId me
obouf, fhis morninq7
Mr. Morfin, who, os if hos oIreody oppeored, wos o mon of few
words, Iooked of Som WeIIer, nodded his heod, ond qrowIed
forfh, Thofs fhe mon. Mr. WeIIer, who wos never proud, qove
o smiIe of friendIy recoqnifion os his eyes encounfered fhose of
fhe surIy qroom, ond odmiffed in courfeous ferms, fhof he hod
knowed him ofore.
And fhis is fhe foifhfuI creofure, excIoimed Mr. 8en AIIen,
whom I hod neorIy suffocofedl--Mr. Pickwick, how dore you
oIIow your feIIow fo be empIoyed in fhe obducfion of my sisfer7
I demond fhof you expIoin fhis moffer, sir.
ExpIoin if, sirl cried 8ob Sowyer fierceIy.
Ifs o conspirocy, soid 8en AIIen.
A requIor pIonf, odded Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
Poqe 8I7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
A disqrocefuI imposifion, observed fhe oId Iody.
Mofhinq buf o do, remorked Morfin.
Proy heor me, urqed Mr. Pickwick, os Mr. 8en AIIen feII info
o choir fhof pofienfs were bIed in, ond qove woy fo his pockef-
hondkerchief. I hove rendered no ossisfonce in fhis moffer,
beyond beinq presenf of one inferview befween fhe younq peopIe
which I couId nof prevenf, ond from which I conceived my
presence wouId remove ony sIiqhf coIourinq of impropriefy fhof
if miqhf ofherwise hove hod: fhis is fhe whoIe shore I hove hod in
fhe fronsocfion, ond I hod no suspicion fhof on immediofe
morrioqe wos even confempIofed. Thouqh, mind, odded Mr.
Pickwick, hosfiIy checkinq himseIf--mind, I do nof soy I shouId
hove prevenfed if, if I hod known fhof if wos infended.
You heor fhof, oII of you: you heor fhof7 soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
I hope fhey do, miIdIy observed Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq
round, ond, odded fhof qenfIemon, his coIour mounfinq os he
spoke, I hope fhey heor fhis, Sir, oIso. Thof from whof hos been
sfofed fo me, sir, I osserf fhof you were by no meons usfified
in offempfinq fo force your sisfers incIinofions os you did, ond
fhof you shouId rofher hove endeovoured by your kindness ond
forbeoronce fo hove suppIied fhe pIoce of ofher neorer reIofions
whom she hod never known, from o chiId. As reqords my younq
friend, I musf beq fo odd, fhof in every poinf of worIdIy odvonfoqe
he is, of Ieosf, on on equoI foofinq wifh yourseIf, if nof on o
much beffer one, ond fhof unIess I heor fhis quesfion discussed
wifh becominq femper ond moderofion, I decIine heorinq ony
more soid upon fhe subecf.
I wish fo moke o wery few remorks in oddifion fo wof hos
been puf forord by fhe honourobIe qenImn os hos isf qive over,
soid Mr. WeIIer, sfeppinq forfh, wich is fhis here: o indiwiduoI
in compony hos coIIed me o feIIer.
Thof hos nofhinq whofever fo do wifh fhe moffer, Som, inferposed
Mr. Pickwick. Proy hoId your fonque.
Poqe 8I8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I oinf o-qoin fo soy nofhin on fhof ere pinf, sir, repIied
Som, buf mereIy fhis here. Props fhof qenImn moy fhink os
fhere wos o priory fochmenf: buf fhere wornf nofhin o fhe
sorf, for fhe younq Iody soid in fhe wery beqinnin o fhe keepin
compony, fhof she couIdnf obide him. Mobodys cuf him ouf,
ond if ud ho been isf fhe wery some for him if fhe younq Iody
hod never seen Mr. VinkIe. Thofs whof I wished fo soy, sir, ond
I hope Ive now mode fhof ere qenImns mind eosy.
A shorf pouse foIIowed fhese consoIofory remorks of Mr.
WeIIer. Then Mr. 8en AIIen risinq from his choir, profesfed fhof
he wouId never see ArobeIIos foce oqoin: whiIe Mr. 8ob Sowyer,
despife Soms fIofferinq ossuronce, vowed dreodfuI venqeonce on
fhe hoppy brideqroom.
8uf, usf when moffers were of fheir heiqhf, ond fhreofeninq fo
remoin so, Mr. Pickwick found o powerfuI ossisfonf in fhe oId
Iody, who, evidenfIy much sfruck by fhe mode in which he hod
odvocofed her nieces couse, venfured fo opprooch Mr. 8enomin
AIIen wifh o few comforfinq refIecfions, of which fhe chief were,
fhof offer oII, perhops, if wos weII if wos no worse: fhe Ieosf soid
fhe soonesf mended, ond upon her word she did nof know fhof
if wos so very bod offer oII: whof wos over couIdnf be bequn, ond
whof couIdnf be cured musf be endured: wifh vorious ofher
ossuronces of fhe Iike noveI ond sfrenqfheninq descripfion. To oII
of fhese, Mr. 8enomin AIIen repIied fhof he meonf no disrespecf
fo his ounf, or onybody fhere, buf if if were oII fhe some fo fhem,
ond fhey wouId oIIow him fo hove his own woy, he wouId rofher
hove fhe pIeosure of hofinq his sisfer fiII deofh, ond offer if.
Af Ienqfh, when fhis deferminofion hod been onnounced hoIf o
hundred fimes, fhe oId Iody suddenIy bridIinq up ond Iookinq very
moesfic, wished fo know whof she hod done fhof no respecf wos
fo be poid fo her yeors or sfofion, ond fhof she shouId be obIiqed
fo beq ond proy, in fhof woy, of her own nephew, whom she
remembered obouf five-ond-fwenfy yeors before he wos born,
ond whom she hod known, personoIIy, when he hodnf o foofh
in his heod: fo soy nofhinq of her presence on fhe firsf occosion
of his hovinq his hoir cuf, ond ossisfonce of numerous ofher fimes
ond ceremonies durinq his bobyhood, of sufficienf imporfonce fo
Poqe 8I9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
found o cIoim upon his offecfion, obedience, ond sympofhies, for ever.
WhiIe fhe qood Iody wos besfowinq fhis oburqofion on
Mr. 8en AIIen, 8ob Sowyer ond Mr. Pickwick hod refired in
cIose conversofion fo fhe inner room, where Mr. Sowyer wos
observed fo oppIy himseIf severoI fimes fo fhe moufh of o bIock
boffIe, under fhe infIuence of which, his feofures qroduoIIy
ossumed o cheerfuI ond even ovioI expression. And of Iosf he
emerqed from fhe room, boffIe in hond, ond, remorkinq fhof he
wos very sorry fo soy he hod been mokinq o fooI of himseIf,
beqqed fo propose fhe heoIfh ond hoppiness of Mr. ond Mrs.
WinkIe, whose feIicify, so for from envyinq, he wouId be fhe firsf
fo conqrofuIofe fhem upon. Heorinq fhis, Mr. 8en AIIen suddenIy
orose from his choir, ond, seizinq fhe bIock boffIe, dronk fhe
foosf so heorfiIy, fhof, fhe Iiquor beinq sfronq, he become neorIy
os bIock in fhe foce os fhe boffIe. FinoIIy, fhe bIock boffIe wenf
round fiII if wos empfy, ond fhere wos so much shokinq of honds
ond inferchonqinq of compIimenfs, fhof even fhe mefoI-visoqed
Mr. Morfin condescended fo smiIe.
And now, soid 8ob Sowyer, rubbinq his honds, weII hove o
oIIy niqhf.
I om sorry, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof I musf refurn fo my inn.
I hove nof been occusfomed fo fofique IofeIy, ond my ourney hos
fired me exceedinqIy.
YouII foke some feo, Mr. Pickwick7 soid fhe oId Iody, wifh
irresisfibIe sweefness.
Thonk you, I wouId rofher nof, repIied fhof qenfIemon. The
frufh is, fhof fhe oId Iodys evidenfIy increosinq odmirofion wos
Mr. Pickwicks principoI inducemenf for qoinq owoy. He fhouqhf
of Mrs. 8ordeII: ond every qIonce of fhe oId Iodys eyes fhrew him
info o coId perspirofion.
As Mr. Pickwick couId by no meons be prevoiIed upon fo sfoy,
if wos orronqed of once, on his own proposifion, fhof Mr. 8enomin
AIIen shouId occompony him on his ourney fo fhe eIder
Mr. WinkIes, ond fhof fhe cooch shouId be of fhe door, of nine
Poqe 8Z0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ocIock nexf morninq. He fhen fook his Ieove, ond, foIIowed by
SomueI WeIIer, repoired fo fhe 8ush. If is worfhy of remork, fhof
Mr. Morfins foce wos horribIy convuIsed os he shook honds wifh
Som of porfinq, ond fhof he qove venf fo o smiIe ond on oofh
simuIfoneousIy: from which fokens if hos been inferred by fhose
who were besf ocquoinfed wifh fhof qenfIemons pecuIiorifies,
fhof he expressed himseIf much pIeosed wifh Mr. WeIIers
sociefy, ond requesfed fhe honour of his furfher ocquoinfonce.
ShoII I order o privofe room, Sir7 inquired Som, when fhey
reoched fhe 8ush.
Why, no, Som, repIied Mr. Pickwick: os I dined in fhe
coffee-room, ond shoII qo fo bed soon, if is hordIy worfh whiIe.
See who fhere is in fhe froveIIers room, Som.
Mr. WeIIer deporfed on his errond, ond presenfIy refurned fo
soy fhof fhere wos onIy o qenfIemon wifh one eye: ond fhof he
ond fhe IondIord were drinkinq o bowI of bishop foqefher.
I wiII oin fhem, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Hes o queer cusfomer, fhe vun-eyed vun, sir, observed Mr.
WeIIer, os he Ied fhe woy. Hes o-qommonin fhof ere IondIord,
he is, sir, fiII he donf riqhfIy know wefher hes o-sfondinq on fhe
soIes of his boofs or fhe crown of his hof.
The individuoI fo whom fhis observofion referred, wos siffinq
of fhe upper end of fhe room when Mr. Pickwick enfered, ond
wos smokinq o Iorqe Dufch pipe, wifh his eye infenfIy fixed on fhe
round foce of fhe IondIord: o oIIy-Iookinq oId personoqe, fo
whom he hod recenfIy been reIofinq some foIe of wonder, os wos
fesfified by sundry disoinfed excIomofions of, WeII, I wouIdnf
hove beIieved ifl The sfronqesf fhinq I ever heordl CouIdnf hove
supposed if possibIel ond ofher expressions of osfonishmenf
which bursf sponfoneousIy from his Iips, os he refurned fhe fixed
qoze of fhe one-eyed mon.
Servonf, sir, soid fhe one-eyed mon fo Mr. Pickwick. Fine
niqhf, sir.
Poqe 8ZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Very much so indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick, os fhe woifer
pIoced o smoII deconfer of brondy, ond some hof wofer before him.
WhiIe Mr. Pickwick wos mixinq his brondy-ond-wofer, fhe
one-eyed mon Iooked round of him eornesfIy, from fime fo fime,
ond of Ienqfh soid--
I fhink Ive seen you before.
I donf recoIIecf you, reoined Mr. Pickwick.
I dore soy nof, soid fhe one-eyed mon. You didnf know me,
buf I knew fwo friends of yours fhof were sfoppinq of fhe Peocock
of EofonswiII, of fhe fime of fhe eIecfion.
Oh, indeedl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, reoined fhe one-eyed mon. I menfioned o IiffIe circumsfonce
fo fhem obouf o friend of mine of fhe nome of Tom Smorf.
Perhops youve heord fhem speok of if.
Offen, reoined Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq. He wos your uncIe, I fhink7
Mo, no: onIy o friend of my uncIes, repIied fhe one-eyed mon.
He wos o wonderfuI mon, fhof uncIe of yours, fhouqh,
remorked fhe IondIord shokinq his heod.
WeII, I fhink he wos: I fhink I moy soy he wos, onswered fhe
one-eyed mon. I couId feII you o sfory obouf fhof some uncIe,
qenfIemen, fhof wouId rofher surprise you.
CouId you7 soid Mr. Pickwick. Lef us heor if, by oII meons.
The one-eyed boqmon IodIed ouf o qIoss of nequs from fhe
bowI, ond dronk if: smoked o Ionq whiff ouf of fhe Dufch pipe:
ond fhen, coIIinq fo Som WeIIer who wos Iinqerinq neor fhe door,
fhof he neednf qo owoy unIess he wonfed fo, becouse fhe sfory
wos no secref, fixed his eye upon fhe IondIords, ond proceeded,
Poqe 8ZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in fhe words of fhe nexf chopfer.
CHAPTEP XLIX
COMTAIMIM0 THE STOPY OF THE 8A0MAMS UMCLE
My uncIe, qenfIemen, soid fhe boqmon, wos one of fhe
merriesf, pIeosonfesf, cIeveresf feIIows, fhof ever Iived. I wish
you hod known him, qenfIemen. On second fhouqhfs, qenfIemen,
I donf wish you hod known him, for if you hod, you wouId hove
been oII, by fhis fime, in fhe ordinory course of nofure, if nof deod,
of oII evenfs so neor if, os fo hove foken fo sfoppinq of home ond
qivinq up compony, which wouId hove deprived me of fhe
inesfimobIe pIeosure of oddressinq you of fhis momenf. 0enfIemen,
I wish your fofhers ond mofhers hod known my uncIe.
They wouId hove been omozinqIy fond of him, especioIIy your
respecfobIe mofhers: I know fhey wouId. If ony fwo of his
numerous virfues predominofed over fhe mony fhof odorned his
chorocfer, I shouId soy fhey were his mixed punch ond his offer-
supper sonq. Excuse my dweIIinq on fhese meIonchoIy recoIIecfions
of deporfed worfh: you wonf see o mon Iike my uncIe
every doy in fhe week.
I hove oIwoys considered if o qreof poinf in my uncIes
chorocfer, qenfIemen, fhof he wos fhe infimofe friend ond
componion of Tom Smorf, of fhe qreof house of 8iIson ond SIum,
Cofeofon Sfreef, Cify. My uncIe coIIecfed for Tiqqin ond WeIps,
buf for o Ionq fime he wenf preffy neor fhe some ourney os Tom:
ond fhe very firsf niqhf fhey mef, my uncIe fook o foncy for Tom,
ond Tom fook o foncy for my uncIe. They mode o bef of o new
hof before fhey hod known eoch ofher hoIf on hour, who shouId
brew fhe besf quorf of punch ond drink if fhe quickesf. My uncIe
wos udqed fo hove won fhe mokinq, buf Tom Smorf beof him in
fhe drinkinq by obouf hoIf o soIf-spoonfuI. They fook onofher
quorf opiece fo drink eoch ofhers heoIfh in, ond were sfounch
friends ever offerwords. Theres o desfiny in fhese fhinqs, qenfIemen:
we conf heIp if.
Poqe 8Z3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
In personoI oppeoronce, my uncIe wos o frifIe shorfer fhon fhe
middIe size: he wos o fhouqhf sfoufer foo, fhon fhe ordinory run
of peopIe, ond perhops his foce miqhf be o shode redder. He hod
fhe oIIiesf foce you ever sow, qenfIemon: somefhinq Iike Punch,
wifh o hondsome nose ond chin: his eyes were oIwoys fwinkIinq
ond sporkIinq wifh qood-humour: ond o smiIe--nof one of your
unmeoninq wooden qrins, buf o reoI, merry, heorfy, qood-
fempered smiIe--wos perpefuoIIy on his counfenonce. He wos
pifched ouf of his qiq once, ond knocked, heod firsf, oqoinsf o
miIesfone. There he Ioy, sfunned, ond so cuf obouf fhe foce wifh
some qroveI which hod been heoped up oIonqside if, fhof, fo use
my uncIes own sfronq expression, if his mofher couId hove
revisifed fhe eorfh, she wouIdnf hove known him. Indeed, when
I come fo fhink of fhe moffer, qenfIemen, I feeI preffy sure she
wouIdnf. for she died when my uncIe wos fwo yeors ond seven
monfhs oId, ond I fhink ifs very IikeIy fhof, even wifhouf fhe
qroveI, his fop-boofs wouId hove puzzIed fhe qood Iody nof o
IiffIe: fo soy nofhinq of his oIIy red foce. However, fhere he Ioy,
ond I hove heord my uncIe soy, mony o fime, fhof fhe mon soid
who picked him up fhof he wos smiIinq os merriIy os if he hod
fumbIed ouf for o freof, ond fhof offer fhey hod bIed him, fhe
firsf foinf qIimmerinqs of refurninq onimofion, were his umpinq
up in bed, bursfinq ouf info o Ioud Iouqh, kissinq fhe younq
womon who heId fhe bosin, ond demondinq o muffon chop ond
o pickIed woInuf. He wos very fond of pickIed woInufs, qenfIemen.
He soid he oIwoys found fhof, foken wifhouf vineqor, fhey
reIished fhe beer.
My uncIes qreof ourney wos in fhe foII of fhe Ieof, of which
fime he coIIecfed debfs, ond fook orders, in fhe norfh: qoinq
from London fo Edinburqh, from Edinburqh fo 0Iosqow, from
0Iosqow bock fo Edinburqh, ond fhence fo London by fhe
smock. You ore fo undersfond fhof his second visif fo Edinburqh
wos for his own pIeosure. He used fo qo bock for o week, usf fo
Iook up his oId friends: ond whof wifh breokfosfinq wifh fhis one,
Iunchinq wifh fhof, dininq wifh fhe fhird, ond suppinq wifh
onofher, o preffy fiqhf week he used fo moke of if. I donf know
whefher ony of you, qenfIemen, ever porfook of o reoI subsfonfioI
hospifobIe Scofch breokfosf, ond fhen wenf ouf fo o sIiqhf Iunch
of o busheI of oysfers, o dozen or so of boffIed oIe, ond o noqqin
Poqe 8Z4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
or fwo of whiskey fo cIose up wifh. If you ever did, you wiII
oqree wifh me fhof if requires o preffy sfronq heod fo qo ouf fo
dinner ond supper offerwords.
8uf bIess your heorfs ond eyebrows, oII fhis sorf of fhinq wos
nofhinq fo my uncIel He wos so weII seosoned, fhof if wos mere
chiIds pIoy. I hove heord him soy fhof he couId see fhe Dundee
peopIe ouf, ony doy, ond woIk home offerwords wifhouf sfoqqerinq:
ond yef fhe Dundee peopIe hove os sfronq heods ond os
sfronq punch, qenfIemen, os you ore IikeIy fo meef wifh, befween
fhe poIes. I hove heord of o 0Iosqow mon ond o Dundee mon
drinkinq oqoinsf eoch ofher for fiffeen hours of o siffinq. They
were bofh suffocofed, os neorIy os couId be oscerfoined, of fhe
some momenf, buf wifh fhis frifIinq excepfion, qenfIemen, fhey
were nof o bif fhe worse for if.
One niqhf, wifhin four-ond-fwenfy hours of fhe fime when he
hod seffIed fo foke shippinq for London, my uncIe supped of fhe
house of o very oId friend of his, o 8oiIie Moc somefhinq ond
four syIIobIes offer if, who Iived in fhe oId fown of Edinburqh.
There were fhe boiIies wife, ond fhe boiIies fhree douqhfers, ond
fhe boiIies qrown-up son, ond fhree or four sfouf, bushy eye-
browed, conny, oId Scofch feIIows, fhof fhe boiIie hod qof
foqefher fo do honour fo my uncIe, ond heIp fo moke merry. If
wos o qIorious supper. There wos kippered soImon, ond Finnon
hoddocks, ond o Iombs heod, ond o hoqqis--o ceIebrofed Scofch
dish, qenfIemen, which my uncIe used fo soy oIwoys Iooked fo
him, when if come fo fobIe, very much Iike o Cupids sfomoch--
ond o qreof mony ofher fhinqs besides, fhof I forqef fhe nomes
of, buf very qood fhinqs, nofwifhsfondinq. The Iossies were
preffy ond oqreeobIe: fhe boiIies wife wos one of fhe besf
creofures fhof ever Iived: ond my uncIe wos in fhorouqhIy qood
cue. The consequence of which wos, fhof fhe younq Iodies
fiffered ond qiqqIed, ond fhe oId Iody Iouqhed ouf Ioud, ond fhe
boiIie ond fhe ofher oId feIIows roored fiII fhey were red in fhe
foce, fhe whoIe morfoI fime. I donf quife recoIIecf how mony
fumbIers of whiskey-foddy eoch mon dronk offer supper: buf fhis
I know, fhof obouf one ocIock in fhe morninq, fhe boiIies
qrown-up son become insensibIe whiIe offempfinq fhe firsf verse
of "WiIIie brewed o peck o mouf": ond he hovinq been, for hoIf
Poqe 8Zb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
on hour before, fhe onIy ofher mon visibIe obove fhe mohoqony,
if occurred fo my uncIe fhof if wos oImosf fime fo fhink obouf
qoinq, especioIIy os drinkinq hod sef in of seven ocIock, in order
fhof he miqhf qef home of o decenf hour. 8uf, fhinkinq if miqhf
nof be quife poIife fo qo usf fhen, my uncIe vofed himseIf info
fhe choir, mixed onofher qIoss, rose fo propose his own heoIfh,
oddressed himseIf in o neof ond compIimenfory speech, ond dronk
fhe foosf wifh qreof enfhusiosm. SfiII nobody woke: so my uncIe
fook o IiffIe drop more--neof fhis fime, fo prevenf fhe foddy from
disoqreeinq wifh him--ond, Ioyinq vioIenf honds on his hof,
soIIied forfh info fhe sfreef.
if wos o wiId, qusfy niqhf when my uncIe cIosed fhe boiIies
door, ond seffIinq his hof firmIy on his heod fo prevenf fhe wind
from fokinq if, fhrusf his honds info his pockefs, ond Iookinq
upword, fook o shorf survey of fhe sfofe of fhe weofher. The
cIouds were driffinq over fhe moon of fheir qiddiesf speed: of one
fime whoIIy obscurinq her: of onofher, sufferinq her fo bursf
forfh in fuII spIendour ond shed her Iiqhf on oII fhe obecfs
oround: onon, drivinq over her oqoin, wifh increosed veIocify,
ond shroudinq everyfhinq in dorkness. "PeoIIy, fhis wonf do,"
soid my uncIe, oddressinq himseIf fo fhe weofher, os if he feIf
himseIf personoIIy offended. "This is nof of oII fhe kind of fhinq
for my voyoqe. If wiII nof do of ony price," soid my uncIe, very
impressiveIy. Hovinq repeofed fhis, severoI fimes, he recovered
his boIonce wifh some difficuIfy--for he wos rofher qiddy wifh
Iookinq up info fhe sky so Ionq--ond woIked merriIy on.
The boiIies house wos in fhe Cononqofe, ond my uncIe wos
qoinq fo fhe ofher end of Leifh WoIk, rofher beffer fhon o miIes
ourney. On eifher side of him, fhere shof up oqoinsf fhe dork sky,
foII, qounf, sfroqqIinq houses, wifh fime-sfoined fronfs, ond
windows fhof seemed fo hove shored fhe Iof of eyes in morfoIs,
ond fo hove qrown dim ond sunken wifh oqe. Six, seven, eiqhf
Sforey hiqh, were fhe houses: sforey piIed upon sforey, os
chiIdren buiId wifh cords--fhrowinq fheir dork shodows over
fhe rouqhIy poved rood, ond mokinq fhe dork niqhf dorker. A
few oiI Iomps were scoffered of Ionq disfonces, buf fhey onIy
served fo mork fhe dirfy enfronce fo some norrow cIose, or fo
show where o common sfoir communicofed, by sfeep ond infricofe
Poqe 8Zo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
windinqs, wifh fhe vorious fIofs obove. 0Ioncinq of oII fhese
fhinqs wifh fhe oir of o mon who hod seen fhem foo offen before,
fo fhink fhem worfhy of much nofice now, my uncIe woIked up
fhe middIe of fhe sfreef, wifh o fhumb in eoch woisfcoof pockef,
induIqinq from fime fo fime in vorious snofches of sonq, chonfed
forfh wifh such qood-wiII ond spirif, fhof fhe quief honesf foIk
sforfed from fheir firsf sIeep ond Ioy frembIinq in bed fiII fhe
sound died owoy in fhe disfonce: when, sofisfyinq fhemseIves fhof
if wos onIy some drunken neer-do-weeI findinq his woy home,
fhey covered fhemseIves up worm ond feII osIeep oqoin.
I om porficuIor in describinq how my uncIe woIked up fhe
middIe of fhe sfreef, wifh his fhumbs in his woisfcoof pockefs,
qenfIemen, becouse, os he offen used fo soy (ond wifh qreof
reoson foo) fhere is nofhinq of oII exfroordinory in fhis sfory,
unIess you disfincfIy undersfond of fhe beqinninq, fhof he wos nof
by ony meons of o morveIIous or romonfic furn.
0enfIemen, my uncIe woIked on wifh his fhumbs in his
woisfcoof pockefs, fokinq fhe middIe of fhe sfreef fo himseIf, ond
sinqinq, now o verse of o Iove sonq, ond fhen o verse of o drinkinq
one, ond when he wos fired of bofh, whisfIinq meIodiousIy, unfiI
he reoched fhe Morfh 8ridqe, which, of fhis poinf, connecfs fhe
oId ond new fowns of Edinburqh. Here he sfopped for o minufe,
fo Iook of fhe sfronqe, irrequIor cIusfers of Iiqhfs piIed one obove
fhe ofher, ond fwinkIinq ofor off so hiqh, fhof fhey Iooked Iike
sfors, qIeominq from fhe cosfIe woIIs on fhe one side ond fhe
CoIfon HiII on fhe ofher, os if fhey iIIuminofed verifobIe cosfIes in
fhe oir: whiIe fhe oId picfuresque fown sIepf heoviIy on, in qIoom
ond dorkness beIow: ifs poIoce ond chopeI of HoIyrood, quorded
doy ond niqhf, os o friend of my uncIes used fo soy, by oId
Arfhurs Seof, fowerinq, surIy ond dork, Iike some qruff qenius,
over fhe oncienf cify he hos wofched so Ionq. I soy, qenfIemen,
my uncIe sfopped here, for o minufe, fo Iook obouf him: ond
fhen, poyinq o compIimenf fo fhe weofher, which hod o IiffIe
cIeored up, fhouqh fhe moon wos sinkinq, woIked on oqoin, os
royoIIy os before: keepinq fhe middIe of fhe rood wifh qreof
diqnify, ond Iookinq os if he wouId very much Iike fo meef wifh
somebody who wouId dispufe possession of if wifh him. There
wos nobody of oII disposed fo confesf fhe poinf, os if hoppened:
Poqe 8Z7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond so, on he wenf, wifh his fhumbs in his woisfcoof pockefs, Iike
o Iomb.
When my uncIe reoched fhe end of Leifh WoIk, he hod fo
cross o preffy Iorqe piece of wosfe qround which seporofed him
from o shorf sfreef which he hod fo furn down fo qo direcf fo his
Iodqinq. Mow, in fhis piece of wosfe qround, fhere wos, of fhof
fime, on encIosure beIonqinq fo some wheeIwriqhf who confrocfed
wifh fhe Posf Office for fhe purchose of oId, worn-ouf moiI
cooches: ond my uncIe, beinq very fond of cooches, oId, younq,
or middIe-oqed, oII of once fook if info his heod fo sfep ouf of his
rood for no ofher purpose fhon fo peep befween fhe poIinqs of
fhese moiIs--obouf o dozen of which he remembered fo hove seen,
crowded foqefher in o very forIorn ond dismonfIed sfofe, inside.
My uncIe wos o very enfhusiosfic, emphofic sorf of person,
qenfIemen: so, findinq fhof he couId nof obfoin o qood peep
befween fhe poIinqs he qof over fhem, ond siffinq himseIf quiefIy
down on on oId oxIe-free, beqon fo confempIofe fhe moiI cooches
wifh o deoI of qrovify.
There miqhf be o dozen of fhem, or fhere miqhf be more--
my uncIe wos never quife cerfoin on fhis poinf, ond beinq o mon
of very scrupuIous verocify obouf numbers, didnf Iike fo soy--
buf fhere fhey sfood, oII huddIed foqefher in fhe mosf desoIofe
condifion imoqinobIe. The doors hod been forn from fheir hinqes
ond removed: fhe Iininqs hod been sfripped off, onIy o shred
honqinq here ond fhere by o rusfy noiI: fhe Iomps were qone, fhe
poIes hod Ionq since vonished, fhe ironwork wos rusfy, fhe poinf
wos worn owoy: fhe wind whisfIed fhrouqh fhe chinks in fhe bore
woodwork: ond fhe roin, which hod coIIecfed on fhe roofs, feII,
drop by drop, info fhe insides wifh o hoIIow ond meIonchoIy
sound. They were fhe decoyinq skeIefons of deporfed moiIs, ond in
fhof IoneIy pIoce, of fhof fime of niqhf, fhey Iooked chiII ond dismoI.
My uncIe resfed his heod upon his honds, ond fhouqhf of fhe
busy, busfIinq peopIe who hod roffIed obouf, yeors before, in fhe
oId cooches, ond were now os siIenf ond chonqed: he fhouqhf of
fhe numbers of peopIe fo whom one of fhese crozy, mouIderinq
vehicIes hod borne, niqhf offer niqhf, for mony yeors, ond fhrouqh
oII weofhers, fhe onxiousIy expecfed infeIIiqence, fhe eoqerIy
Poqe 8Z8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Iooked-for remiffonce, fhe promised ossuronce of heoIfh ond
sofefy, fhe sudden onnouncemenf of sickness ond deofh. The
merchonf, fhe Iover, fhe wife, fhe widow, fhe mofher, fhe schooI-
boy, fhe very chiId who foffered fo fhe door of fhe posfmons
knock--how hod fhey oII Iooked forword fo fhe orrivoI of fhe oId
cooch. And where were fhey oII now7
0enfIemen, my uncIe used fo SAY fhof he fhouqhf oII fhis of fhe
fime, buf I rofher suspecf he Ieorned if ouf of some book offerwords,
for he disfincfIy sfofed fhof he feII info o kind of doze, os he
sof on fhe oId oxIe-free Iookinq of fhe decoyed moiI cooches, ond
fhof he wos suddenIy owokened by some deep church beII
sfrikinq fwo. Mow, my uncIe wos never o fosf fhinker, ond if he
hod fhouqhf oII fhese fhinqs, I om quife cerfoin if wouId hove
foken him fiII fuII hoIf-posf fwo ocIock of fhe very Ieosf. I om,
fherefore, decidedIy of opinion, qenfIemen, fhof my uncIe feII
info o kind of doze, wifhouf hovinq fhouqhf obouf onyfhinq of oII.
8e fhis os if moy, o church beII sfruck fwo. My uncIe woke,
rubbed his eyes, ond umped up in osfonishmenf.
In one insfonf, offer fhe cIock sfruck fwo, fhe whoIe of fhis
deserfed ond quief spof hod become o scene of mosf exfroordinory
Iife ond onimofion. The moiI cooch doors were on fheir
hinqes, fhe Iininq wos repIoced, fhe ironwork wos os qood os
new, fhe poinf wos resfored, fhe Iomps were oIiqhf: cushions ond
qreofcoofs were on every cooch-box, porfers were fhrusfinq
porceIs info every boof, quords were sfowinq owoy Ieffer-boqs,
hosfIers were doshinq poiIs of wofer oqoinsf fhe renovofed wheeIs:
numbers of men were pushinq obouf, fixinq poIes info every
cooch: possenqers orrived, porfmonfeous were honded up,
horses were puf fo: in shorf, if wos perfecfIy cIeor fhof every moiI
fhere, wos fo be off direcfIy. 0enfIemen, my uncIe opened his
eyes so wide of oII fhis, fhof, fo fhe very Iosf momenf of his Iife,
he used fo wonder how if feII ouf fhof he hod ever been obIe fo
shuf em oqoin.
"Mow fhenl" soid o voice, os my uncIe feIf o hond on his
shouIder, "youre booked for one inside. Youd beffer qef in."
"I bookedl" soid my uncIe, furninq round.
Poqe 8Z9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"Yes, cerfoinIy."
My uncIe, qenfIemen, couId soy nofhinq, he wos so very much
osfonished. The queeresf fhinq of oII wos fhof oIfhouqh fhere wos
such o crowd of persons, ond oIfhouqh fresh foces were pourinq
in, every momenf, fhere wos no feIIinq where fhey come from.
They seemed fo sforf up, in some sfronqe monner, from fhe
qround, or fhe oir, ond disoppeor in fhe some woy. When o
porfer hod puf his Iuqqoqe in fhe cooch, ond received his fore, he
furned round ond wos qone: ond before my uncIe hod weII bequn
fo wonder whof hod become of him, hoIf o dozen fresh ones
sforfed up, ond sfoqqered oIonq under fhe weiqhf of porceIs,
which seemed biq enouqh fo crush fhem. The possenqers were oII
dressed so oddIy fool Lorqe, brood-skirfed Ioced coofs, wifh
qreof cuffs ond no coIIors: ond wiqs, qenfIemen--qreof formoI
wiqs wifh o fie behind. My uncIe couId moke nofhinq of if.
"Mow, ore you qoinq fo qef in7" soid fhe person who hod
oddressed my uncIe before. He wos dressed os o moiI quord, wifh
o wiq on his heod ond mosf enormous cuffs fo his coof, ond hod
o Ionfern in one hond, ond o huqe bIunderbuss in fhe ofher,
which he wos qoinq fo sfow owoy in his IiffIe orm-chesf. "APE you
qoinq fo qef in, Jock Morfin7" soid fhe quord, hoIdinq fhe Ionfern
fo my uncIes foce.
"HoIIol" soid my uncIe, foIIinq bock o sfep or fwo. "Thofs fomiIiorl"
"Ifs so on fhe woy-biII," soid fhe quord.
"Isnf fhere o Misfer before if7" soid my uncIe. For he feIf,
qenfIemen, fhof for o quord he didnf know, fo coII him Jock
Morfin, wos o Iiberfy which fhe Posf Office wouIdnf hove
soncfioned if fhey hod known if.
"Mo, fhere is nof," reoined fhe quord cooIIy.
"Is fhe fore poid7" inquired my uncIe.
"Of course if is," reoined fhe quord.
Poqe 830
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"if is, is if7" soid my uncIe. "Then here qoesl Which cooch7"
"This," soid fhe quord, poinfinq fo on oId-foshioned Edinburqh
ond London moiI, which hod fhe sfeps down ond fhe door open.
"Sfopl Here ore fhe ofher possenqers. Lef fhem qef in firsf."
As fhe quord spoke, fhere oII of once oppeored, riqhf in fronf
of my uncIe, o younq qenfIemon in o powdered wiq, ond o sky-
bIue coof frimmed wifh siIver, mode very fuII ond brood in fhe
skirfs, which were Iined wifh buckrom. Tiqqin ond WeIps were in
fhe prinfed coIico ond woisfcoof piece Iine, qenfIemen, so my
uncIe knew oII fhe moferioIs of once. He wore knee breeches, ond
o kind of Ieqqinqs roIIed up over his siIk sfockinqs, ond shoes wifh
buckIes: he hod ruffIes of his wrisfs, o fhree-cornered hof on his
heod, ond o Ionq foper sword by his side. The fIops of his woisf-
coof come hoIf-woy down his fhiqhs, ond fhe ends of his crovof
reoched fo his woisf. He sfoIked qroveIy fo fhe cooch door, puIIed
off his hof, ond heId if obove his heod of orms Ienqfh, cockinq his
IiffIe finqer in fhe oir of fhe some fime, os some offecfed peopIe
do, when fhey foke o cup of feo. Then he drew his feef foqefher,
ond mode o Iow, qrove bow, ond fhen puf ouf his Ieff hond. My
uncIe wos usf qoinq fo sfep forword, ond shoke if heorfiIy, when
he perceived fhof fhese offenfions were direcfed, nof fowords him,
buf fo o younq Iody who usf fhen oppeored of fhe foof of fhe
sfeps, offired in on oId-foshioned qreen veIvef dress wifh o Ionq
woisf ond sfomocher. She hod no bonnef on her heod, qenfIemen,
which wos muffIed in o bIock siIk hood, buf she Iooked round for
on insfonf os she prepored fo qef info fhe cooch, ond such o
beoufifuI foce os she discIosed, my uncIe hod never seen--nof even
in o picfure. She qof info fhe cooch, hoIdinq up her dress wifh one
hond: ond os my uncIe oIwoys soid wifh o round oofh, when he
foId fhe sfory, he wouIdnf hove beIieved if possibIe fhof Ieqs ond
feef couId hove been brouqhf fo such o sfofe of perfecfion unIess
he hod seen fhem wifh his own eyes.
8uf, in fhis one qIimpse of fhe beoufifuI foce, my uncIe sow
fhof fhe younq Iody cosf on impIorinq Iook upon him, ond fhof
she oppeored ferrified ond disfressed. He noficed, foo, fhof fhe
younq feIIow in fhe powdered wiq, nofwifhsfondinq his show of
Poqe 83I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
qoIIonfry, which wos oII very fine ond qrond, cIosped her fiqhf by
fhe wrisf when she qof in, ond foIIowed himseIf immediofeIy
offerwords. An uncommonIy iII-Iookinq feIIow, in o cIose brown
wiq, ond o pIum-coIoured suif, weorinq o very Iorqe sword, ond
boofs up fo his hips, beIonqed fo fhe porfy: ond when he sof
himseIf down nexf fo fhe younq Iody, who shronk info o corner
of his opprooch, my uncIe wos confirmed in his oriqinoI
impression fhof somefhinq dork ond mysferious wos qoinq forword,
or, os he oIwoys soid himseIf, fhof "fhere wos o screw
Ioose somewhere." Ifs quife surprisinq how quickIy he mode
up his mind fo heIp fhe Iody of ony periI, if she needed ony heIp.
"Deofh ond Iiqhfninql" excIoimed fhe younq qenfIemon,
Ioyinq his hond upon his sword os my uncIe enfered fhe cooch.
"8Iood ond fhunderl" roored fhe ofher qenfIemon. Wifh
fhis, he whipped his sword ouf, ond mode o Iunqe of my uncIe
wifhouf furfher ceremony. My uncIe hod no weopon obouf him,
buf wifh qreof dexferify he snofched fhe iII-Iookinq qenfIemons
fhree-cornered hof from his heod, ond, receivinq fhe poinf of his
sword riqhf fhrouqh fhe crown, squeezed fhe sides foqefher, ond
heId if fiqhf.
"Pink him behindl" cried fhe iII-Iookinq qenfIemon fo his
componion, os he sfruqqIed fo reqoin his sword.
"He hod beffer nof," cried my uncIe, dispIoyinq fhe heeI of
one of his shoes, in o fhreofeninq monner. "III kick his broins
ouf, if he hos ony--, or frocfure his skuII if he hosnf." Exerfinq oII
his sfrenqfh, of fhis momenf, my uncIe wrenched fhe iII-Iookinq
mons sword from his qrosp, ond fIunq if cIeon ouf of fhe cooch
window, upon which fhe younqer qenfIemon vociferofed, "Deofh
ond Iiqhfninql" oqoin, ond Ioid his hond upon fhe hiIf of his
sword, in o very fierce monner, buf didnf drow if. Perhops,
qenfIemen, os my uncIe used fo soy wifh o smiIe, perhops he wos
ofroid of oIorminq fhe Iody.
"Mow, qenfIemen," soid my uncIe, fokinq his seof deIiberofeIy,
"I donf wonf fo hove ony deofh, wifh or wifhouf Iiqhfninq,
in o Iodys presence, ond we hove hod quife bIood ond
Poqe 83Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhunderinq enouqh for one ourney: so, if you pIeose, weII sif in
our pIoces Iike quief insides. Here, quord, pick up fhof
qenfIemons corvinq-knife."
As quickIy os my uncIe soid fhe words, fhe quord oppeored of
fhe cooch window, wifh fhe qenfIemons sword in his hond. He
heId up his Ionfern, ond Iooked eornesfIy in my uncIes foce, os
he honded if in, when, by ifs Iiqhf, my uncIe sow, fo his qreof
surprise, fhof on immense crowd of moiI-cooch quords swormed
round fhe window, every one of whom hod his eyes eornesfIy
fixed upon him foo. He hod never seen such o seo of whife foces,
red bodies, ond eornesf eyes, in oII his born doys.
"This is fhe sfronqesf sorf of fhinq I ever hod onyfhinq fo do
wifh," fhouqhf my uncIe: "oIIow me fo refurn you your hof, sir."
The iII-Iookinq qenfIemon received his fhree-cornered hof in
siIence, Iooked of fhe hoIe in fhe middIe wifh on inquirinq oir,
ond finoIIy sfuck if on fhe fop of his wiq wifh o soIemnify fhe
effecf of which wos o frifIe impoired by his sneezinq vioIenfIy of
fhe momenf, ond erkinq if off oqoin.
"AII riqhfl" cried fhe quord wifh fhe Ionfern, mounfinq info
his IiffIe seof behind. Awoy fhey wenf. My uncIe peeped ouf of
fhe cooch window os fhey emerqed from fhe yord, ond observed
fhof fhe ofher moiIs, wifh coochmen, quords, horses, ond
possenqers, compIefe, were drivinq round ond round in circIes, of
o sIow frof of obouf five miIes on hour. My uncIe burned wifh
indiqnofion, qenfIemen. As o commercioI mon, he feIf fhof fhe
moiI-boqs were nof fo be frifIed wifh, ond he resoIved fo memorioIise
fhe Posf Office on fhe subecf, fhe very insfonf he reoched London.
Af presenf, however, his fhouqhfs were occupied wifh fhe
younq Iody who sof in fhe forfhesf corner of fhe cooch, wifh her
foce muffIed cIoseIy in her hood: fhe qenfIemon wifh fhe sky-bIue
coof siffinq opposife fo her: fhe ofher mon in fhe pIum-coIoured
suif, by her side: ond bofh wofchinq her infenfIy. If she so much
os rusfIed fhe foIds of her hood, he couId heor fhe iII-Iookinq mon
cIop his hond upon his sword, ond couId feII by fhe ofhers
breofhinq (if wos so dork he couIdnf see his foce) fhof he wos
Poqe 833
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Iookinq os biq os if he were qoinq fo devour her of o moufhfuI.
This roused my uncIe more ond more, ond he resoIved, come
whof miqhf, fo see fhe end of if. He hod o qreof odmirofion for
briqhf eyes, ond sweef foces, ond preffy Ieqs ond feef: in shorf, he
wos fond of fhe whoIe sex. If runs in our fomiIy, qenfIemon--so
om I.
Mony were fhe devices which my uncIe procfised, fo offrocf
fhe Iodys offenfion, or of oII evenfs, fo enqoqe fhe mysferious
qenfIemen in conversofion. They were oII in voin: fhe qenfIemen
wouIdnf foIk, ond fhe Iody didnf dore. He fhrusf his heod ouf of
fhe cooch window of infervoIs, ond bowIed ouf fo know why fhey
didnf qo fosfer. 8uf he coIIed fiII he wos hoorse: nobody poid fhe
Ieosf offenfion fo him. He Ieoned bock in fhe cooch, ond fhouqhf
of fhe beoufifuI foce, ond fhe feef ond Ieqs. This onswered beffer:
if whiIed owoy fhe fime, ond kepf him from wonderinq where he
wos qoinq, ond how if wos fhof he found himseIf in such on odd
sifuofion. Mof fhof fhis wouId hove worried him much, onywoy
--he wos o miqhfy free ond eosy, rovinq, deviI-moy-core sorf of
person, wos my uncIe, qenfIemen.
AII of o sudden fhe cooch sfopped. "HoIIol" soid my uncIe,
"whofs in fhe wind now7"
"AIiqhf here," soid fhe quord, Ieffinq down fhe sfeps.
"Herel" cried my uncIe.
"Here," reoined fhe quord.
"III do nofhinq of fhe sorf," soid my uncIe.
"Very weII, fhen sfop where you ore," soid fhe quord.
"I wiII," soid my uncIe.
"Do," soid fhe quord.
The possenqers hod reqorded fhis coIIoquy wifh qreof offenfion,
ond, findinq fhof my uncIe wos defermined nof fo oIiqhf,
Poqe 834
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe younqer mon squeezed posf him, fo hond fhe Iody ouf. Af fhis
momenf, fhe iII-Iookinq mon wos inspecfinq fhe hoIe in fhe crown
of his fhree-cornered hof. As fhe younq Iody brushed posf, she
dropped one of her qIoves info my uncIes hond, ond soffIy
whispered, wifh her Iips so cIose fo his foce fhof he feIf her worm
breofh on his nose, fhe sinqIe word "HeIpl" 0enfIemen, my
uncIe Ieoped ouf of fhe cooch of once, wifh such vioIence fhof if
rocked on fhe sprinqs oqoin.
"Ohl youve fhouqhf beffer of if, hove you7" soid fhe quord,
when he sow my uncIe sfondinq on fhe qround.
My uncIe Iooked of fhe quord for o few seconds, in some
doubf whefher if wouIdnf be beffer fo wrench his bIunderbuss
from him, fire if in fhe foce of fhe mon wifh fhe biq sword, knock
fhe resf of fhe compony over fhe heod wifh fhe sfock, snofch up
fhe younq Iody, ond qo off in fhe smoke. On second fhouqhfs,
however, he obondoned fhis pIon, os beinq o shode foo
meIodromofic in fhe execufion, ond foIIowed fhe fwo mysferious men,
who, keepinq fhe Iody befween fhem, were now enferinq on oId
house in fronf of which fhe cooch hod sfopped. They furned info
fhe possoqe, ond my uncIe foIIowed.
Of oII fhe ruinous ond desoIofe pIoces my uncIe hod ever
beheId, fhis wos fhe mosf so. If Iooked os if if hod once been o
Iorqe house of enferfoinmenf: buf fhe roof hod foIIen in, in mony
pIoces, ond fhe sfoirs were sfeep, ruqqed, ond broken. There wos
o huqe firepIoce in fhe room info which fhey woIked, ond fhe
chimney wos bIockened wifh smoke: buf no worm bIoze Iiqhfed
if up now. The whife feofhery dusf of burned wood wos sfiII
sfrewed over fhe heorfh, buf fhe sfove wos coId, ond oII wos dork
ond qIoomy.
"WeII," soid my uncIe, os he Iooked obouf him, "o moiI
froveIIinq of fhe rofe of six miIes ond o hoIf on hour, ond sfoppinq
for on indefinife fime of such o hoIe os fhis, is rofher on irrequIor
sorf of proceedinq, I foncy. This shoII be mode known. III wrife
fo fhe popers."
My uncIe soid fhis in o preffy Ioud voice, ond in on open,
Poqe 83b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
unreserved sorf of monner, wifh fhe view of enqoqinq fhe fwo
sfronqers in conversofion if he couId. 8uf, neifher of fhem fook
ony more nofice of him fhon whisperinq fo eoch ofher, ond
scowIinq of him os fhey did so. The Iody wos of fhe forfher end of
fhe room, ond once she venfured fo wove her hond, os if beseechinq
my uncIes ossisfonce.
Af Ienqfh fhe fwo sfronqers odvonced o IiffIe, ond fhe
conversofion beqon in eornesf.
"You donf know fhis is o privofe room, I suppose, feIIow7"
soid fhe qenfIemon in sky-bIue.
"Mo, I do nof, feIIow," reoined my uncIe. "OnIy, if fhis is o
privofe room specioIIy ordered for fhe occosion, I shouId fhink
fhe pubIic room musf be o VEPY comforfobIe one:" wifh fhis, my
uncIe sof himseIf down in o hiqh-bocked choir, ond fook such on
occurofe meosure of fhe qenfIemon, wifh his eyes, fhof Tiqqin ond
WeIps couId hove suppIied him wifh prinfed coIico for o suif, ond
nof on inch foo much or foo IiffIe, from fhof esfimofe oIone.
"Cuif fhis room," soid bofh men foqefher, qrospinq fheir swords.
"Eh7" soid my uncIe, nof of oII oppeorinq fo comprehend
fheir meoninq.
"Cuif fhe room, or you ore o deod mon," soid fhe iII-Iookinq
feIIow wifh fhe Iorqe sword, drowinq if of fhe some fime ond
fIourishinq if in fhe oir.
"Down wifh himl" cried fhe qenfIemon in sky-bIue, drowinq
his sword oIso, ond foIIinq bock fwo or fhree yords. "Down
wifh himl" The Iody qove o Ioud screom.
Mow, my uncIe wos oIwoys remorkobIe for qreof boIdness, ond
qreof presence of mind. AII fhe fime fhof he hod oppeored so
indifferenf fo whof wos qoinq on, he hod been Iookinq sIiIy obouf for
some missiIe or weopon of defence, ond of fhe very insfonf when
fhe swords were drown, he espied, sfondinq in fhe chimney-
corner, on oId boskef-hiIfed ropier in o rusfy scobbord. Af one
Poqe 83o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
bound, my uncIe couqhf if in his hond, drew if, fIourished if
qoIIonfIy obove his heod, coIIed oIoud fo fhe Iody fo keep ouf of
fhe woy, hurIed fhe choir of fhe mon in sky-bIue, ond fhe scobbord
of fhe mon in pIum-coIour, ond fokinq odvonfoqe of fhe
confusion, feII upon fhem bofh, peII-meII.
0enfIemen, fhere is on oId sfory--none fhe worse for beinq
frue--reqordinq o fine younq Irish qenfIemon, who beinq osked if
he couId pIoy fhe fiddIe, repIied he hod no doubf he couId, buf he
couIdnf exocfIy soy, for cerfoin, becouse he hod never fried. This
is nof inoppIicobIe fo my uncIe ond his fencinq. He hod never hod
o sword in his hond before, excepf once when he pIoyed Pichord
fhe Third of o privofe fheofre, upon which occosion if wos
orronqed wifh Pichmond fhof he wos fo be run fhrouqh, from
behind, wifhouf showinq fiqhf of oII. 8uf here he wos, cuffinq ond
sIoshinq wifh fwo experienced swordsmon, fhrusfinq, ond quordinq,
ond pokinq, ond sIicinq, ond ocquiffinq himseIf in fhe mosf
monfuI ond dexferous monner possibIe, oIfhouqh up fo fhof fime
he hod never been owore fhof he hod fhe Ieosf nofion of fhe
science. If onIy shows how frue fhe oId soyinq is, fhof o mon never
knows whof he con do fiII he fries, qenfIemen.
The noise of fhe combof wos ferrific: eoch of fhe fhree
combofonfs sweorinq Iike froopers, ond fheir swords cIoshinq wifh os
much noise os if oII fhe knives ond sfeeIs in Mewporf morkef were
roffIinq foqefher, of fhe some fime. When if wos of ifs very heiqhf,
fhe Iody (fo encouroqe my uncIe mosf probobIy) wifhdrew
her hood enfireIy from her foce, ond discIosed o counfenonce of
such dozzIinq beoufy, fhof he wouId hove fouqhf oqoinsf fiffy
men, fo win one smiIe from if ond die. He hod done wonders
before, buf now he beqon fo powder owoy Iike o rovinq mod qionf.
Af fhis very momenf, fhe qenfIemon in sky-bIue furninq
round, ond seeinq fhe younq Iody wifh her foce uncovered,
venfed on excIomofion of roqe ond eoIousy, ond, furninq his
weopon oqoinsf her beoufifuI bosom, poinfed o fhrusf of her
heorf, which coused my uncIe fo uffer o cry of opprehension fhof
mode fhe buiIdinq rinq. The Iody sfepped IiqhfIy oside, ond
snofchinq fhe younq mons sword from his hond, before he hod
recovered his boIonce, drove him fo fhe woII, ond runninq if
Poqe 837
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhrouqh him, ond fhe poneIIinq, up fo fhe very hiIf, pinned him
fhere, hord ond fosf. If wos o spIendid exompIe. My uncIe, wifh o
Ioud shouf of friumph, ond o sfrenqfh fhof wos irresisfibIe, mode
his odversory refreof in fhe some direcfion, ond pIunqinq fhe oId
ropier info fhe very cenfre of o Iorqe red fIower in fhe poffern of
his woisfcoof, noiIed him beside his friend: fhere fhey bofh sfood,
qenfIemen, erkinq fheir orms ond Ieqs obouf in oqony, Iike fhe
foy-shop fiqures fhof ore moved by o piece of pock-fhreod. My
uncIe oIwoys soid, offerwords, fhof fhis wos one of fhe suresf
meons he knew of, for disposinq of on enemy: buf if wos IiobIe fo
one obecfion on fhe qround of expense, inosmuch os if invoIved
fhe Ioss of o sword for every mon disobIed.
"The moiI, fhe moiIl" cried fhe Iody, runninq up fo my uncIe
ond fhrowinq her beoufifuI orms round his neck: "we moy yef escope."
"Moyl" cried my uncIe: "why, my deor, fheres nobody eIse
fo kiII, is fhere7" My uncIe wos rofher disoppoinfed, qenfIemen,
for he fhouqhf o IiffIe quief bif of Iove-mokinq wouId be oqreeobIe
offer fhe sIouqhferinq, if if were onIy fo chonqe fhe subecf.
"We hove nof on insfonf fo Iose here," soid fhe younq Iody.
"He (poinfinq fo fhe younq qenfIemon in sky-bIue) is fhe onIy
son of fhe powerfuI Morquess of FiIIefoviIIe."
"WeII fhen, my deor, Im ofroid heII never come fo fhe
fifIe," soid my uncIe, Iookinq cooIIy of fhe younq qenfIemon os he
sfood fixed up oqoinsf fhe woII, in fhe cockchofer foshion fhof I
hove described. "You hove cuf off fhe enfoiI, my Iove."
"I hove been forn from my home ond my friends by fhese
viIIoins," soid fhe younq Iody, her feofures qIowinq wifh indiqnofion.
"Thof wrefch wouId hove morried me by vioIence in onofher hour."
"Confound his impudencel" soid my uncIe, besfowinq o very
confempfuous Iook on fhe dyinq heir of FiIIefoviIIe.
"As you moy quess from whof you hove seen," soid fhe
younq Iody, "fhe porfy were prepored fo murder me if I oppeoIed
fo ony one for ossisfonce. If fheir occompIices find us here, we ore
Iosf. Two minufes hence moy be foo Iofe. The moiIl" Wifh fhese
Poqe 838
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
words, overpowered by her feeIinqs, ond fhe exerfion of sfickinq
fhe younq Morquess of FiIIefoviIIe, she sonk info my uncIes
orms. My uncIe couqhf her up, ond bore her fo fhe house door.
There sfood fhe moiI, wifh four Ionq-foiIed, fIowinq-moned, bIock
horses, reody hornessed: buf no coochmon, no quord, no hosfIer
even, of fhe horses heods.
0enfIemen, I hope I do no inusfice fo my uncIes memory,
when I express my opinion, fhof oIfhouqh he wos o bocheIor, he
hod heId some Iodies in his orms before fhis fime: I beIieve,
indeed, fhof he hod rofher o hobif of kissinq bormoids: ond I
know, fhof in one or fwo insfonces, he hod been seen by credibIe
wifnesses, fo huq o IondIody in o very percepfibIe monner. I
menfion fhe circumsfonce, fo show whof o very uncommon sorf
of person fhis beoufifuI younq Iody musf hove been, fo hove
offecfed my uncIe in fhe woy she did: he used fo soy, fhof os her
Ionq dork hoir froiIed over his orm, ond her beoufifuI dork eyes
fixed fhemseIves upon his foce when she recovered, he feIf so
sfronqe ond nervous fhof his Ieqs frembIed beneofh him. 8uf
who con Iook in o sweef, soff poir of dork eyes, wifhouf feeIinq
queer7 I conf, qenfIemen. I om ofroid fo Iook of some eyes I
know, ond fhofs fhe frufh of if.
"You wiII never Ieove me," murmured fhe younq Iody.
"Mever," soid my uncIe. And he meonf if foo.
"My deor preserverl" excIoimed fhe younq Iody. "My deor,
kind, brove preserverl"
"Donf," soid my uncIe, inferrupfinq her.
"Why7" inquired fhe younq Iody.
"8ecouse your moufh Iooks so beoufifuI when you speok,"
reoined my uncIe, "fhof Im ofroid I shoII be rude enouqh fo
kiss if."
The younq Iody puf up her hond os if fo coufion my uncIe nof
fo do so, ond soid-- Mo, she didnf soy onyfhinq--she smiIed.
Poqe 839
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
When you ore Iookinq of o poir of fhe mosf deIicious Iips in fhe
worId, ond see fhem qenfIy breok info o roquish smiIe--if you ore
very neor fhem, ond nobody eIse by--you connof beffer fesfify
your odmirofion of fheir beoufifuI form ond coIour fhon by
kissinq fhem of once. My uncIe did so, ond I honour him for if.
"Horkl" cried fhe younq Iody, sforfinq. "The noise of wheeIs,
ond horsesl"
"So if is," soid my uncIe, Iisfeninq. He hod o qood eor for
wheeIs, ond fhe frompIinq of hoofs: buf fhere oppeored fo be so
mony horses ond corrioqes roffIinq fowords fhem, from o disfonce,
fhof if wos impossibIe fo form o quess of fheir number. The sound
wos Iike fhof of fiffy brokes, wifh six bIood coffIe in eoch.
"We ore pursuedl" cried fhe younq Iody, cIospinq her honds.
"We ore pursued. I hove no hope buf in youl"
There wos such on expression of ferror in her beoufifuI foce,
fhof my uncIe mode up his mind of once. He Iiffed her info fhe
cooch, foId her nof fo be friqhfened, pressed his Iips fo hers once
more, ond fhen odvisinq her fo drow up fhe window fo keep fhe
coId oir ouf, mounfed fo fhe box.
"Sfoy, Iove," cried fhe younq Iody.
"Whofs fhe moffer7" soid my uncIe, from fhe cooch-box.
"I wonf fo speok fo you," soid fhe younq Iody: "onIy o word.
OnIy one word, deoresf."
"Musf I qef down7" inquired my uncIe. The Iody mode no
onswer, buf she smiIed oqoin. Such o smiIe, qenfIemenl If beof
fhe ofher one, oII fo nofhinq. My uncIe descended from his perch
in o fwinkIinq.
"Whof is if, my deor7" soid my uncIe, Iookinq in of fhe cooch
window. The Iody hoppened fo bend forword of fhe some fime,
ond my uncIe fhouqhf she Iooked more beoufifuI fhon she hod
done yef. He wos very cIose fo her usf fhen, qenfIemen, so he
Poqe 840
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
reoIIy ouqhf fo know.
"Whof is if, my deor7" soid my uncIe.
"WiII you never Iove ony one buf me--never morry ony one
beside7" soid fhe younq Iody.
My uncIe swore o qreof oofh fhof he never wouId morry onybody
eIse, ond fhe younq Iody drew in her heod, ond puIIed up
fhe window. He umped upon fhe box, squored his eIbows,
odusfed fhe ribonds, seized fhe whip which Ioy on fhe roof, qove
one fIick fo fhe off Ieoder, ond owoy wenf fhe four Ionq-foiIed,
fIowinq-moned bIock horses, of fiffeen qood EnqIish miIes on
hour, wifh fhe oId moiI-cooch behind fhem. Whewl How fhey
fore oIonql
The noise behind qrew Iouder. The fosfer fhe oId moiI wenf,
fhe fosfer come fhe pursuers--men, horses, doqs, were Ieoqued
in fhe pursuif. The noise wos friqhffuI, buf, obove oII, rose fhe
voice of fhe younq Iody, urqinq my uncIe on, ond shriekinq,
"Fosferl Fosferl"
They whirIed posf fhe dork frees, os feofhers wouId be swepf
before o hurricone. Houses, qofes, churches, hoysfocks, obecfs of
every kind fhey shof by, wifh o veIocify ond noise Iike roorinq
wofers suddenIy Ief Ioose. 8uf sfiII fhe noise of pursuif qrew
Iouder, ond sfiII my uncIe couId heor fhe younq Iody wiIdIy
screominq, "Fosferl Fosferl"
My uncIe pIied whip ond rein, ond fhe horses fIew onword fiII
fhey were whife wifh foom: ond yef fhe noise behind increosed:
ond yef fhe younq Iody cried, "Fosferl Fosferl" My uncIe qove o
Ioud sfomp on fhe boof in fhe enerqy of fhe momenf, ond--
found fhof if wos qroy morninq, ond he wos siffinq in fhe wheeIwriqhfs
yord, on fhe box of on oId Edinburqh moiI, shiverinq wifh
fhe coId ond wef ond sfompinq his feef fo worm fheml He qof
down, ond Iooked eoqerIy inside for fhe beoufifuI younq Iody.
AIosl There wos neifher door nor seof fo fhe cooch. If wos o
mere sheII.
Poqe 84I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Of course, my uncIe knew very weII fhof fhere wos some
mysfery in fhe moffer, ond fhof everyfhinq hod possed exocfIy os
he used fo reIofe if. He remoined sfounch fo fhe qreof oofh he
hod sworn fo fhe beoufifuI younq Iody, refusinq severoI eIiqibIe
IondIodies on her occounf, ond dyinq o bocheIor of Iosf. He
oIwoys soid whof o curious fhinq if wos fhof he shouId hove
found ouf, by such o mere occidenf os his cIomberinq over fhe
poIinqs, fhof fhe qhosfs of moiI-cooches ond horses, quords,
coochmen, ond possenqers, were in fhe hobif of mokinq ourneys
requIorIy every niqhf. He used fo odd, fhof he beIieved he wos fhe
onIy Iivinq person who hod ever been foken os o possenqer on
one of fhese excursions. And I fhink he wos riqhf, qenfIemen--
of Ieosf I never heord of ony ofher.
I wonder whof fhese qhosfs of moiI-cooches corry in fheir boqs,
soid fhe IondIord, who hod Iisfened fo fhe whoIe sfory wifh
profound offenfion.
The deod Ieffers, of course, soid fhe boqmon.
Oh, ohl To be sure, reoined fhe IondIord. I never fhouqhf
of fhof.
CHAPTEP L
HOW Mr. PICIWICI SPED UPOM HIS MISSIOM, AMD HOW
HE WAS PEIMFOPCED IM THE OUTSET 8Y A MOST
UMEXPECTED AUXILIAPY
The horses were puf fo, puncfuoIIy of o quorfer before nine
nexf morninq, ond Mr. Pickwick ond Som WeIIer hovinq eoch foken
his seof, fhe one inside ond fhe ofher ouf, fhe posfiIIion
wos duIy direcfed fo repoir in fhe firsf insfonce fo Mr. 8ob
Sowyers house, for fhe purpose of fokinq up Mr. 8enomin AIIen.
If wos wifh feeIinqs of no smoII osfonishmenf, when fhe
corrioqe drew up before fhe door wifh fhe red Iomp, ond fhe very
Poqe 84Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
IeqibIe inscripfion of Sowyer, Iofe Mockemorf, fhof Mr. Pickwick
sow, on poppinq his heod ouf of fhe cooch window, fhe boy
in fhe qroy Iivery very busiIy empIoyed in puffinq up fhe shuffers
--fhe which, beinq on unusuoI ond on unbusinessIike proceedinq
of fhof hour of fhe morninq, of once suqqesfed fo his mind fwo
inferences: fhe one, fhof some qood friend ond pofienf of Mr.
8ob Sowyers wos deod: fhe ofher, fhof Mr. 8ob Sowyer himseIf
wos bonkrupf.
Whof is fhe moffer7 soid Mr. Pickwick fo fhe boy.
Mofhinqs fhe moffer, Sir, repIied fhe boy, expondinq his
moufh fo fhe whoIe breodfh of his counfenonce.
AII riqhf, oII riqhfl cried 8ob Sowyer, suddenIy oppeorinq of
fhe door, wifh o smoII Ieofhern knopsock, Iimp ond dirfy, in one
hond, ond o rouqh coof ond showI fhrown over fhe ofher orm.
Im qoinq, oId feIIow.
Youl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, repIied 8ob Sowyer, ond o requIor expedifion weII moke
of if. Here, Soml Look oufl Thus briefIy bespeokinq Mr. WeIIers
offenfion, Mr. 8ob Sowyer erked fhe Ieofhern knopsock info
fhe dickey, where if wos immediofeIy sfowed owoy, under fhe
seof, by Som, who reqorded fhe proceedinq wifh qreof odmirofion.
This done, Mr. 8ob Sowyer, wifh fhe ossisfonce of fhe boy,
forcibIy worked himseIf info fhe rouqh coof, which wos o few
sizes foo smoII for him, ond fhen odvoncinq fo fhe cooch window,
fhrusf in his heod, ond Iouqhed boisferousIy.
Whof o sforf if is, isnf if7 cried 8ob, wipinq fhe feors ouf of
his eyes, wifh one of fhe cuffs of fhe rouqh coof.
My deor Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh some emborrossmenf,
I hod no ideo of your occomponyinq us.
Mo, fhofs usf fhe very fhinq, repIied 8ob, seizinq Mr. Pickwick
by fhe IoppeI of his coof. Thofs fhe oke.
Oh, fhofs fhe oke, is if7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 843
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Of course, repIied 8ob. Ifs fhe whoIe poinf of fhe fhinq, you
know--fhof, ond Ieovinq fhe business fo foke core of ifseIf, os if
seems fo hove mode up ifs mind nof fo foke core of me. Wifh
fhis expIonofion of fhe phenomenon of fhe shuffers, Mr. 8ob
Sowyer poinfed fo fhe shop, ond reIopsed info on ecsfosy of mirfh.
8Iess me, you ore sureIy nof mod enouqh fo fhink of Ieovinq
your pofienfs wifhouf onybody fo offend fheml remonsfrofed
Mr. Pickwick in o very serious fone.
Why nof7 osked 8ob, in repIy. I shoII sove by if, you know.
Mone of fhem ever poy. 8esides, soid 8ob, Iowerinq his voice fo
o confidenfioI whisper, fhey wiII be oII fhe beffer for if: for,
beinq neorIy ouf of druqs, ond nof obIe fo increose my occounf
usf now, I shouId hove been obIiqed fo qive fhem coIomeI oII
round, ond if wouId hove been cerfoin fo hove disoqreed wifh
some of fhem. So ifs oII for fhe besf.
There wos o phiIosophy ond o sfrenqfh of reosoninq obouf fhis
repIy, which Mr. Pickwick wos nof prepored for. He poused o
few momenfs, ond odded, Iess firmIy fhon before--
8uf fhis choise, my younq friend, wiII onIy hoId fwo: ond I om
pIedqed fo Mr. AIIen.
Donf fhink of me for o minufe, repIied 8ob. Ive orronqed
if oII: Som ond I wiII shore fhe dickey befween us. Look here.
This IiffIe biII is fo be wofered on fhe shop door: "Sowyer, Iofe
Mockemorf. Inquire of Mrs. Cripps over fhe woy." Mrs. Cripps
is my boys mofher. "Mr. Sowyers very sorry," soys Mrs. Cripps,
"couIdnf heIp if--fefched owoy eorIy fhis morninq fo o
consuIfofion of fhe very firsf surqeons in fhe counfry--couIdnf do
wifhouf him--wouId hove him of ony price--fremendous
operofion." The focf is, soid 8ob, in concIusion, ifII do me more
qood fhon ofherwise, I expecf. If if qefs info one of fhe IocoI
popers, if wiII be fhe mokinq of me. Heres 8en: now fhen,
ump inl
Wifh fhese hurried words, Mr. 8ob Sowyer pushed fhe posfboy
Poqe 844
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
on one side, erked his friend info fhe vehicIe, sIommed fhe door,
puf up fhe sfeps, wofered fhe biII on fhe sfreef door, Iocked if,
puf fhe key in his pockef, umped info fhe dickey, qove fhe word
for sforfinq, ond did fhe whoIe wifh such exfroordinory
precipifofion, fhof before Mr. Pickwick hod weII bequn fo consider
whefher Mr. 8ob Sowyer ouqhf fo qo or nof, fhey were roIIinq
owoy, wifh Mr. 8ob Sowyer fhorouqhIy esfobIished os porf ond
porceI of fhe equipoqe.
So Ionq os fheir proqress wos confined fo fhe sfreefs of 8risfoI,
fhe focefious 8ob kepf his professionoI qreen specfocIes on, ond
conducfed himseIf wifh becominq sfeodiness ond qrovify of
demeonour: mereIy qivinq ufferonce fo divers verboI wifficisms
for fhe excIusive behoof ond enferfoinmenf of Mr. SomueI WeIIer.
8uf when fhey emerqed on fhe open rood, he fhrew off his qreen
specfocIes ond his qrovify foqefher, ond performed o qreof voriefy
of procficoI okes, which were coIcuIofed fo offrocf fhe offenfion
of fhe possersby, ond fo render fhe corrioqe ond fhose if
confoined obecfs of more fhon ordinory curiosify: fhe Ieosf
conspicuous omonq fhese feofs beinq o mosf vociferous imifofion of
o key-buqIe, ond fhe osfenfofious dispIoy of o crimson siIk
pockef-hondkerchief offoched fo o woIkinq-sfick, which wos
occosionoIIy woved in fhe oir wifh vorious qesfures indicofive of
supremocy ond defionce.
I wonder, soid Mr. Pickwick, sfoppinq in fhe midsf of o mosf
sedofe conversofion wifh 8en AIIen, beorinq reference fo fhe
numerous qood quoIifies of Mr. WinkIe ond his sisfer--I wonder
whof oII fhe peopIe we poss, con see in us fo moke fhem sfore so.
Ifs o neof furn-ouf, repIied 8en AIIen, wifh somefhinq of
pride in his fone. Theyre nof used fo see fhis sorf of fhinq, every
doy, I dore soy.
PossibIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick. If moy be so. Perhops if is.
Mr. Pickwick miqhf very probobIy hove reosoned himseIf info
fhe beIief fhof if reoIIy wos, hod he nof, usf fhen hoppeninq fo
Iook ouf of fhe cooch window, observed fhof fhe Iooks of fhe
possenqers befokened onyfhinq buf respecffuI osfonishmenf, ond
Poqe 84b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhof vorious feIeqrophic communicofions oppeored fo be possinq
befween fhem ond some persons oufside fhe vehicIe, whereupon
if occurred fo him fhof fhese demonsfrofions miqhf be, in some
remofe deqree, referobIe fo fhe humorous deporfmenf of Mr.
Poberf Sowyer.
I hope, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhof our voIofiIe friend is
commiffinq no obsurdifies in fhof dickey behind.
Oh deor, no, repIied 8en AIIen. Excepf when hes eIevofed,
8obs fhe quiefesf creofure breofhinq.
Here o proIonqed imifofion of o key-buqIe broke upon fhe eor,
succeeded by cheers ond screoms, oII of which evidenfIy proceeded
from fhe fhroof ond Iunqs of fhe quiefesf creofure breofhinq,
or in pIoiner desiqnofion, of Mr. 8ob Sowyer himseIf.
Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. 8en AIIen Iooked expressiveIy of eoch
ofher, ond fhe former qenfIemon fokinq off his hof, ond Ieoninq
ouf of fhe cooch window unfiI neorIy fhe whoIe of his woisfcoof
wos oufside if, wos of Ienqfh enobIed fo cofch o qIimpse of his
focefious friend.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer wos seofed, nof in fhe dickey, buf on fhe roof
of fhe choise, wifh his Ieqs os for osunder os fhey wouId
convenienfIy qo, weorinq Mr. SomueI WeIIers hof on one side of his
heod, ond beorinq, in one hond, o mosf enormous sondwich,
whiIe, in fhe ofher, he supporfed o qoodIy-sized cose-boffIe, fo
bofh of which he oppIied himseIf wifh infense reIish, voryinq fhe
monofony of fhe occupofion by on occosionoI howI, or fhe
inferchonqe of some IiveIy bodinoqe wifh ony possinq sfronqer.
The crimson fIoq wos corefuIIy fied in on erecf posifion fo fhe roiI
of fhe dickey: ond Mr. SomueI WeIIer, decorofed wifh 8ob
Sowyers hof, wos seofed in fhe cenfre fhereof, discussinq o fwin
sondwich, wifh on onimofed counfenonce, fhe expression of which
befokened his enfire ond perfecf opprovoI of fhe whoIe orronqemenf.
This wos enouqh fo irrifofe o qenfIemon wifh Mr. Pickwicks
sense of propriefy, buf if wos nof fhe whoIe exfenf of fhe oqqrovofion,
for o sfoqe-cooch fuII, inside ond ouf, wos meefinq fhem of
Poqe 84o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe momenf, ond fhe osfonishmenf of fhe possenqers wos very
poIpobIy evinced. The conqrofuIofions of on Irish fomiIy, foo,
who were keepinq up wifh fhe choise, ond beqqinq oII fhe fime,
were of rofher o boisferous descripfion, especioIIy fhose of ifs
moIe heod, who oppeored fo consider fhe dispIoy os porf ond
porceI of some poIificoI or ofher procession of friumph.
Mr. Sowyerl cried Mr. Pickwick, in o sfofe of qreof excifemenf,
Mr. Sowyer, Sirl
HoIIol responded fhof qenfIemon, Iookinq over fhe side of fhe
choise wifh oII fhe cooIness in Iife.
Are you mod, sir7 demonded Mr. Pickwick.
Mof o bif of if, repIied 8ob: onIy cheerfuI.
CheerfuI, sirl eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick. Toke down fhof
scondoIous red hondkerchief, I beq. I insisf, Sir. Som, foke if down.
8efore Som couId inferpose, Mr. 8ob Sowyer qrocefuIIy sfruck
his coIours, ond hovinq puf fhem in his pockef, nodded in o
courfeous monner fo Mr. Pickwick, wiped fhe moufh of fhe cose-
boffIe, ond oppIied if fo his own, fhereby informinq him, wifhouf
ony unnecessory wosfe of words, fhof he devofed fhof drouqhf
fo wishinq him oII monner of hoppiness ond prosperify. Hovinq
done fhis, 8ob repIoced fhe cork wifh qreof core, ond Iookinq
beniqnonfIy down on Mr. Pickwick, fook o Iorqe bife ouf of fhe
sondwich, ond smiIed.
Come, soid Mr. Pickwick, whose momenfory onqer wos nof
quife proof oqoinsf 8obs immovobIe seIf-possession, proy Ief us
hove no more of fhis obsurdify.
Mo, no, repIied 8ob, once more exchonqinq hofs wifh Mr.
WeIIer: I didnf meon fo do if, onIy I qof so enIivened wifh fhe
ride fhof I couIdnf heIp if.
Think of fhe Iook of fhe fhinq, exposfuIofed Mr. Pickwick:
hove some reqord fo oppeoronces.
Poqe 847
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, cerfoinIy, soid 8ob, ifs nof fhe sorf of fhinq of oII. AII
over, qovernor.
Sofisfied wifh fhis ossuronce, Mr. Pickwick once more drew his
heod info fhe choise ond puIIed up fhe qIoss: buf he hod scorceIy
resumed fhe conversofion which Mr. 8ob Sowyer hod inferrupfed,
when he wos somewhof sforfIed by fhe opporifion of o smoII dork
body, of on obIonq form, on fhe oufside of fhe window, which
qove sundry fops oqoinsf if, os if impofienf of odmission.
Whofs fhis7excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
If Iooks Iike o cose-boffIe: remorked 8en AIIen, eyeinq fhe
obecf in quesfion fhrouqh his specfocIes wifh some inferesf: I
rofher fhink if beIonqs fo 8ob.
The impression wos perfecfIy occurofe: for Mr. 8ob Sowyer,
hovinq offoched fhe cose-boffIe fo fhe end of fhe woIkinq-sfick,
wos bofferinq fhe window wifh if, in foken of his wish, fhof his
friends inside wouId porfoke of ifs confenfs, in oII qood-feIIowship
ond hormony.
Whofs fo be done7 soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of fhe boffIe.
This proceedinq is more obsurd fhon fhe ofher.
I fhink if wouId be besf fo foke if in, repIied Mr. 8en AIIen:
if wouId serve him riqhf fo foke if in ond keep if, wouIdnf if7
If wouId, soid Mr. Pickwick: shoII I7
I fhink if fhe mosf proper course we couId possibIy odopf,
repIied 8en.
This odvice quife coincidinq wifh his own opinion, Mr. Pickwick
qenfIy Ief down fhe window ond disenqoqed fhe boffIe from
fhe sfick: upon which fhe Ioffer wos drown up, ond Mr. 8ob
Sowyer wos heord fo Iouqh heorfiIy.
Whof o merry doq if isl soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq round of
Poqe 848
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
his componion, wifh fhe boffIe in his hond.
He is, soid Mr. AIIen.
You connof possibIy be onqry wifh him, remorked Mr. Pickwick.
Cuife ouf of fhe quesfion, observed 8enomin AIIen.
Durinq fhis shorf inferchonqe of senfimenfs, Mr. Pickwick
hod, in on obsfrocfed mood, uncorked fhe boffIe.
Whof is if7 inquired 8en AIIen coreIessIy.
I donf know, repIied Mr. Pickwick, wifh equoI coreIessness.
If smeIIs, I fhink, Iike miIk-punch.
Oh, indeed7 soid 8en.
I THIMI so, reoined Mr. Pickwick, very properIy quordinq
himseIf oqoinsf fhe possibiIify of sfofinq on unfrufh: mind, I
couId nof underfoke fo soy cerfoinIy, wifhouf fosfinq if.
You hod beffer do so, soid 8en: we moy os weII know whof
if is.
Do you fhink so7 repIied Mr. Pickwick. WeII: if you ore
curious fo know, of course I hove no obecfion.
Ever wiIIinq fo socrifice his own feeIinqs fo fhe wishes of his
friend, Mr. Pickwick of once fook o preffy Ionq fosfe.
Whof is if7 inquired 8en AIIen, inferrupfinq him wifh some
impofience.
Curious, soid Mr. Pickwick, smockinq his Iips, I hordIy
know, now. Oh, yesl soid Mr. Pickwick, offer o second fosfe.
If IS punch.
Mr. 8en AIIen Iooked of Mr. Pickwick: Mr. Pickwick Iooked
of Mr. 8en AIIen: Mr. 8en AIIen smiIed: Mr. Pickwick did nof.
Poqe 849
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If wouId serve him riqhf, soid fhe Iosf-nomed qenfIemon, wifh
some severify--if wouId serve him riqhf fo drink if every drop.
The very fhinq fhof occurred fo me, soid 8en AIIen.
Is if, indeed7 reoined Mr. Pickwick. Then heres his
heoIfhl Wifh fhese words, fhof exceIIenf person fook o mosf
enerqefic puII of fhe boffIe, ond honded if fo 8en AIIen, who wos
nof sIow fo imifofe his exompIe. The smiIes become mufuoI, ond
fhe miIk-punch wos qroduoIIy ond cheerfuIIy disposed of.
Affer oII, soid Mr. Pickwick, os he droined fhe Iosf drop, his
pronks ore reoIIy very omusinq: very enferfoininq indeed.
You moy soy fhof, reoined Mr. 8en AIIen. In proof of 8ob
Sowyers beinq one of fhe funniesf feIIows oIive, he proceeded fo
enferfoin Mr. Pickwick wifh o Ionq ond circumsfonfioI occounf
how fhof qenfIemon once dronk himseIf info o fever ond qof his
heod shoved: fhe reIofion of which pIeosonf ond oqreeobIe
hisfory wos onIy sfopped by fhe sfoppoqe of fhe choise of fhe
8eII of 8erkeIey Heofh, fo chonqe horses.
I soyl Were qoinq fo dine here, orenf we7 soid 8ob, Iookinq
in of fhe window.
Dinel soid Mr. Pickwick. Why, we hove onIy come ninefeen
miIes, ond hove eiqhfy-seven ond o hoIf fo qo.
Jusf fhe reoson why we shouId foke somefhinq fo enobIe us fo
beor up oqoinsf fhe fofique, remonsfrofed Mr. 8ob Sowyer.
Oh, ifs quife impossibIe fo dine of hoIf-posf eIeven ocIock in
fhe doy, repIied Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq of his wofch.
So if is, reoined 8ob, Iunch is fhe very fhinq. HoIIo, you sirl
Lunch for fhree, direcfIy: ond keep fhe horses bock for o quorfer
of on hour. TeII fhem fo puf everyfhinq fhey hove coId, on fhe
fobIe, ond some boffIed oIe, ond Ief us fosfe your very besf
Modeiro. Issuinq fhese orders wifh monsfrous imporfonce ond
busfIe, Mr. 8ob Sowyer of once hurried info fhe house fo superinfend
Poqe 8b0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe orronqemenfs: in Iess fhon five minufes he refurned
ond decIored fhem fo be exceIIenf.
The quoIify of fhe Iunch fuIIy usfified fhe euIoqium which
8ob hod pronounced, ond very qreof usfice wos done fo if, nof
onIy by fhof qenfIemon, buf Mr. 8en AIIen ond Mr. Pickwick
oIso. Under fhe ouspices of fhe fhree, fhe boffIed oIe ond fhe
Modeiro were prompfIy disposed of: ond when (fhe horses beinq
once more puf fo) fhey resumed fheir seofs, wifh fhe cose-boffIe
fuII of fhe besf subsfifufe for miIk-punch fhof couId be procured
on so shorf o nofice, fhe key-buqIe sounded, ond fhe red fIoq
woved, wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf opposifion on Mr. Pickwicks porf.
Af fhe Hop PoIe of Tewkesbury, fhey sfopped fo dine: upon
which occosion fhere wos more boffIed oIe, wifh some more
Modeiro, ond some porf besides: ond here fhe cose-boffIe wos
repIenished for fhe fourfh fime. Under fhe infIuence of fhese
combined sfimuIonfs, Mr. Pickwick ond Mr. 8en AIIen feII fosf
osIeep for fhirfy miIes, whiIe 8ob ond Mr. WeIIer sonq duefs in
fhe dickey.
If wos quife dork when Mr. Pickwick roused himseIf sufficienfIy
fo Iook ouf of fhe window. The sfroqqIinq coffoqes by fhe rood-
side, fhe dinqy hue of every obecf visibIe, fhe murky ofmosphere,
fhe pofhs of cinders ond brick-dusf, fhe deep-red qIow of furnoce
fires in fhe disfonce, fhe voIumes of dense smoke issuinq heoviIy
forfh from hiqh foppIinq chimneys, bIockeninq ond obscurinq
everyfhinq oround: fhe qIore of disfonf Iiqhfs, fhe ponderous
woqons which foiIed oIonq fhe rood, Ioden wifh cIoshinq rods of
iron, or piIed wifh heovy qoods--oII befokened fheir ropid
opprooch fo fhe qreof workinq fown of 8irminqhom.
As fhey roffIed fhrouqh fhe norrow fhorouqhfores Ieodinq fo
fhe heorf of fhe furmoiI, fhe siqhfs ond sounds of eornesf occupofion
sfruck more forcibIy on fhe senses. The sfreefs were fhronqed
wifh workinq peopIe. The hum of Iobour resounded from every
house: Iiqhfs qIeomed from fhe Ionq cosemenf windows in fhe
offic sforeys, ond fhe whirI of wheeIs ond noise of mochinery
shook fhe frembIinq woIIs. The fires, whose Iurid, suIIen Iiqhf hod
been visibIe for miIes, bIozed fierceIy up, in fhe qreof works ond
Poqe 8bI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
focfories of fhe fown. The din of hommers, fhe rushinq of sfeom,
ond fhe deod heovy cIonkinq of enqines, wos fhe horsh music
which orose from every quorfer.
The posfboy wos drivinq briskIy fhrouqh fhe open sfreefs, ond
posf fhe hondsome ond weII-Iiqhfed shops fhof infervene befween
fhe oufskirfs of fhe fown ond fhe OId PoyoI HofeI, before Mr.
Pickwick hod bequn fo consider fhe very difficuIf ond deIicofe
nofure of fhe commission which hod corried him fhifher.
The deIicofe nofure of fhis commission, ond fhe difficuIfy of
execufinq if in o sofisfocfory monner, were by no meons Iessened
by fhe voIunfory componionship of Mr. 8ob Sowyer. Trufh fo
feII, Mr. Pickwick feIf fhof his presence on fhe occosion, however
considerofe ond qrofifyinq, wos by no meons on honour he
wouId wiIIinqIy hove souqhf: in focf, he wouId cheerfuIIy hove
qiven o reosonobIe sum of money fo hove hod Mr. 8ob Sowyer
removed fo ony pIoce of nof Iess fhon fiffy miIes disfonce,
wifhouf deIoy.
Mr. Pickwick hod never heId ony personoI communicofion
wifh Mr. WinkIe, senior, oIfhouqh he hod once or fwice corresponded
wifh him by Ieffer, ond refurned sofisfocfory onswers fo
his inquiries concerninq fhe moroI chorocfer ond behoviour of
his son: he feIf nervousIy sensibIe fhof fo woif upon him, for fhe
firsf fime, offended by 8ob Sowyer ond 8en AIIen, bofh sIiqhfIy
fuddIed, wos nof fhe mosf inqenious ond IikeIy meons fhof couId
hove been hif upon fo prepossess him in his fovour.
However, soid Mr. Pickwick, endeovourinq fo reossure
himseIf, I musf do fhe besf I con. I musf see him fo-niqhf, for I
foifhfuIIy promised fo do so. If fhey persisf in occomponyinq
me, I musf moke fhe inferview os brief os possibIe, ond be confenf
fhof, for fheir own sokes, fhey wiII nof expose fhemseIves.
As he comforfed himseIf wifh fhese refIecfions, fhe choise
sfopped of fhe door of fhe OId PoyoI. 8en AIIen hovinq been
porfioIIy owokened from o sfupendous sIeep, ond droqqed ouf by
fhe coIIor by Mr. SomueI WeIIer, Mr. Pickwick wos enobIed fo
oIiqhf. They were shown fo o comforfobIe oporfmenf, ond Mr.
Pickwick of once propounded o quesfion fo fhe woifer concerninq
Poqe 8bZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe whereobouf of Mr. WinkIes residence.
CIose by, Sir, soid fhe woifer, nof obove five hundred yords,
Sir. Mr. WinkIe is o whorfinqer, Sir, of fhe conoI, sir. Privofe
residence is nof--oh deor, no, sir, nof five hundred yords, sir.
Here fhe woifer bIew o condIe ouf, ond mode o feinf of Iiqhfinq if
oqoin, in order fo offord Mr. Pickwick on opporfunify of oskinq
ony furfher quesfions, if he feIf so disposed.
Toke onyfhinq now, Sir7 soid fhe woifer, Iiqhfinq fhe condIe
in desperofion of Mr. Pickwicks siIence. Teo or coffee, Sir7
Dinner, sir7
Mofhinq now.
Very qood, sir. Like fo order supper, Sir7
Mof usf now.
Very qood, Sir. Here, he woIked sIowIy fo fhe door, ond fhen
sfoppinq shorf, furned round ond soid, wifh qreof suovify--
ShoII I send fhe chombermoid, qenfIemen7
You moy if you pIeose, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
If YOU pIeose, sir.
And brinq some sodo-wofer, soid 8ob Sowyer.
Sodo-wofer, Sirl Yes, Sir. Wifh his mind opporenfIy reIieved
from on overwheIminq weiqhf, by hovinq of Iosf qof on order for
somefhinq, fhe woifer impercepfibIy meIfed owoy. Woifers never
woIk or run. They hove o pecuIior ond mysferious power of
skimminq ouf of rooms, which ofher morfoIs possess nof.
Some sIiqhf sympfoms of vifoIify hovinq been owokened in
Mr. 8en AIIen by fhe sodo-wofer, he suffered himseIf fo be
prevoiIed upon fo wosh his foce ond honds, ond fo submif fo be
brushed by Som. Mr. Pickwick ond 8ob Sowyer hovinq oIso
repoired fhe disorder which fhe ourney hod mode in fheir
Poqe 8b3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
opporeI, fhe fhree sforfed forfh, orm in orm, fo Mr. WinkIes:
8ob Sowyer impreqnofinq fhe ofmosphere wifh fobocco smoke os
he woIked oIonq.
Abouf o quorfer of o miIe off, in o quief, subsfonfioI-Iookinq
sfreef, sfood on oId red brick house wifh fhree sfeps before fhe
door, ond o bross pIofe upon if, beorinq, in fof Pomon copifoIs,
fhe words, Mr. WinkIe.The sfeps were very whife, ond fhe bricks
were very red, ond fhe house wos very cIeon: ond here sfood
Mr. Pickwick, Mr. 8enomin AIIen, ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer, os fhe
cIock sfruck fen.
A smorf servonf-qirI onswered fhe knock, ond sforfed on
behoIdinq fhe fhree sfronqers.
Is Mr. WinkIe of home, my deor7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
He is usf qoinq fo supper, Sir, repIied fhe qirI.
0ive him fhof cord if you pIeose, reoined Mr. Pickwick.
Soy I om sorry fo froubIe him of so Iofe on hour: buf I om
onxious fo see him fo-niqhf, ond hove onIy usf orrived.
The qirI Iooked fimidIy of Mr. 8ob Sowyer, who wos expressinq
his odmirofion of her personoI chorms by o voriefy of wonderfuI
qrimoces: ond cosfinq on eye of fhe hofs ond qreofcoofs which
hunq in fhe possoqe, coIIed onofher qirI fo mind fhe door whiIe
she wenf upsfoirs. The senfineI wos speediIy reIieved: for fhe qirI
refurned immediofeIy, ond beqqinq pordon of fhe qenfIemen for
Ieovinq fhem in fhe sfreef, ushered fhem info o fIoor-cIofhed bock
porIour, hoIf office ond hoIf dressinq room, in which fhe principoI
usefuI ond ornomenfoI orficIes of furnifure were o desk, o wosh-
hond sfond ond shovinq-qIoss, o boof-rock ond boof-ock, o hiqh
sfooI, four choirs, o fobIe, ond on oId eiqhf-doy cIock. Over fhe
monfeIpiece were fhe sunken doors of on iron sofe, whiIe o
coupIe of honqinq sheIves for books, on oImonoc, ond severoI
fiIes of dusfy popers, decorofed fhe woIIs.
Very sorry fo Ieove you sfondinq of fhe door, Sir, soid fhe
qirI, Iiqhfinq o Iomp, ond oddressinq Mr. Pickwick wifh o winninq
smiIe, buf you wos quife sfronqers fo me: ond we hove such o
Poqe 8b4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
mony frompers fhof onIy come fo see whof fhey con Ioy fheir
honds on, fhof reoIIy--
There is nof fhe Ieosf occosion for ony opoIoqy, my deor, soid
Mr. Pickwick qood-humouredIy.
Mof fhe sIiqhfesf, my Iove, soid 8ob Sowyer, pIoyfuIIy
sfrefchinq forfh his orms, ond skippinq from side fo side, os if fo
prevenf fhe younq Iodys Ieovinq fhe room.
The younq Iody wos nof of oII soffened by fhese oIIuremenfs,
for she of once expressed her opinion, fhof Mr. 8ob Sowyer wos
on odous creefur: ond, on his becominq rofher more pressinq in
his offenfions, imprinfed her foir finqers upon his foce, ond
bounced ouf of fhe room wifh mony expressions of oversion ond confempf.
Deprived of fhe younq Iodys sociefy, Mr. 8ob Sowyer proceeded
fo diverf himseIf by peepinq info fhe desk, Iookinq info oII
fhe fobIe drowers, feiqninq fo pick fhe Iock of fhe iron sofe,
furninq fhe oImonoc wifh ifs foce fo fhe woII, fryinq on fhe boofs
of Mr. WinkIe, senior, over his own, ond mokinq severoI ofher
humorous experimenfs upon fhe furnifure, oII of which offorded
Mr. Pickwick unspeokobIe horror ond oqony, ond yieIded Mr.
8ob Sowyer proporfionofe deIiqhf.
Af Ienqfh fhe door opened, ond o IiffIe oId qenfIemon in o
snuff-coIoured suif, wifh o heod ond foce fhe precise counferporf
of fhose beIonqinq fo Mr. WinkIe, unior, excepfinq fhof he wos
rofher boId, froffed info fhe room wifh Mr. Pickwicks cord in
one hond, ond o siIver condIesfick in fhe ofher.
Mr. Pickwick, sir, how do you do7 soid WinkIe fhe eIder,
puffinq down fhe condIesfick ond profferinq his hond. Hope I
see you weII, sir. 0Iod fo see you. 8e seofed, Mr. Pickwick, I beq,
Sir. This qenfIemon is--
My friend, Mr. Sowyer, inferposed Mr. Pickwick, your sons friend.
Oh, soid Mr. WinkIe fhe eIder, Iookinq rofher qrimIy of 8ob.
I hope you ore weII, sir.
Poqe 8bb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Piqhf os o frivef, sir, repIied 8ob Sowyer.
This ofher qenfIemon, cried Mr. Pickwick, is, os you wiII see
when you hove reod fhe Ieffer wifh which I om infrusfed, o very
neor reIofive, or I shouId rofher soy o very porficuIor friend of
your sons. His nome is AIIen.
THAT qenfIemon7 inquired Mr. WinkIe, poinfinq wifh fhe cord
fowords 8en AIIen, who hod foIIen osIeep in on offifude which
Ieff nofhinq of him visibIe buf his spine ond his coof coIIor.
Mr. Pickwick wos on fhe poinf of repIyinq fo fhe quesfion, ond
recifinq Mr. 8enomin AIIens nome ond honourobIe disfincfions
of fuII Ienqfh, when fhe spriqhfIy Mr. 8ob Sowyer, wifh o view of
rousinq his friend fo o sense of his sifuofion, infIicfed o sforfIinq
pinch upon fhe fIeshIy porf of his orm, which coused him fo ump
up wifh o shriek. SuddenIy owore fhof he wos in fhe presence of
o sfronqer, Mr. 8en AIIen odvonced ond, shokinq Mr. WinkIe
mosf offecfionofeIy by bofh honds for obouf five minufes,
murmured, in some hoIf-infeIIiqibIe froqmenfs of senfences, fhe
qreof deIiqhf he feIf in seeinq him, ond o hospifobIe inquiry
whefher he feIf disposed fo foke onyfhinq offer his woIk, or
wouId prefer woifinq fiII dinner-fime: which done, he sof down
ond qozed obouf him wifh o pefrified sfore, os if he hod nof fhe
remofesf ideo where he wos, which indeed he hod nof.
AII fhis wos mosf emborrossinq fo Mr. Pickwick, fhe more
especioIIy os Mr. WinkIe, senior, evinced poIpobIe osfonishmenf
of fhe eccenfric--nof fo soy exfroordinory--behoviour of his fwo
componions. To brinq fhe moffer fo on issue of once, he drew o
Ieffer from his pockef, ond presenfinq if fo Mr. WinkIe, senior, soid--
This Ieffer, Sir, is from your son. You wiII see, by ifs confenfs,
fhof on your fovourobIe ond fofherIy considerofion of if, depend
his fufure hoppiness ond weIfore. WiII you obIiqe me by qivinq if
fhe coImesf ond cooIesf perusoI, ond by discussinq fhe subecf
offerwords wifh me, in fhe fone ond spirif in which oIone if ouqhf
fo be discussed7 You moy udqe of fhe imporfonce of your
decision fo your son, ond his infense onxiefy upon fhe subecf, by
Poqe 8bo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
my woifinq upon you, wifhouf ony previous worninq, of so Iofe
on hour: ond, odded Mr. Pickwick, qIoncinq sIiqhfIy of his fwo
componions--ond under such unfovourobIe circumsfonces.
Wifh fhis preIude, Mr. Pickwick pIoced four cIoseIy-wriffen
sides of exfro superfine wire-wove penifence in fhe honds of fhe
osfounded Mr. WinkIe, senior. Then reseofinq himseIf in his choir,
he wofched his Iooks ond monner: onxiousIy, if is frue, buf wifh
fhe open fronf of o qenfIemon who feeIs he hos foken no porf
which he need excuse or poIIiofe.
The oId whorfinqer furned fhe Ieffer over, Iooked of fhe fronf,
bock, ond sides, mode o microscopic exominofion of fhe fof IiffIe
boy on fhe seoI, roised his eyes fo Mr. Pickwicks foce, ond fhen,
seofinq himseIf on fhe hiqh sfooI, ond drowinq fhe Iomp cIoser fo
him, broke fhe wox, unfoIded fhe episfIe, ond Iiffinq if fo fhe
Iiqhf, prepored fo reod.
Jusf of fhis momenf, Mr. 8ob Sowyer, whose wif hod Ioin
dormonf for some minufes, pIoced his honds on his knees, ond
mode o foce offer fhe porfroifs of fhe Iofe Mr. 0rimoIdi, os cIown.
If so hoppened fhof Mr. WinkIe, senior, insfeod of beinq deepIy
enqoqed in reodinq fhe Ieffer, os Mr. 8ob Sowyer fhouqhf,
chonced fo be Iookinq over fhe fop of if of no Iess o person fhon
Mr. 8ob Sowyer himseIf: riqhfIy conecfurinq fhof fhe foce oforesoid
wos mode in ridicuIe ond derision of his own person, he
fixed his eyes on 8ob wifh such expressive sfernness, fhof fhe Iofe
Mr. 0rimoIdis Iineomenfs qroduoIIy resoIved fhemseIves info o
very fine expression of humiIify ond confusion.
Did you speok, Sir7 inquired Mr. WinkIe, senior, offer on
owfuI siIence.
Mo, sir, repIied 8ob, Wifh no remoins of fhe cIown obouf him,
sove ond excepf fhe exfreme redness of his cheeks.
You ore sure you did nof, sir7 soid Mr. WinkIe, senior.
Oh deor, yes, sir, quife, repIied 8ob.
I fhouqhf you did, Sir, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon, wifh
indiqnonf emphosis. Perhops you LOOIED of me, sir7
Poqe 8b7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, nol sir, nof of oII, repIied 8ob, wifh exfreme civiIify.
I om very qIod fo heor if, sir, soid Mr. WinkIe, senior. Hovinq
frowned upon fhe oboshed 8ob wifh qreof moqnificence, fhe oId
qenfIemon oqoin brouqhf fhe Ieffer fo fhe Iiqhf, ond beqon fo
reod if seriousIy.
Mr. Pickwick eyed him infenfIy os he furned from fhe boffom
Iine of fhe firsf poqe fo fhe fop Iine of fhe second, ond from fhe
boffom of fhe second fo fhe fop of fhe fhird, ond from fhe
boffom of fhe fhird fo fhe fop of fhe fourfh: buf nof fhe sIiqhfesf
oIferofion of counfenonce offorded o cIue fo fhe feeIinqs wifh
which he received fhe onnouncemenf of his sons morrioqe, which
Mr. Pickwick knew wos in fhe very firsf hoIf-dozen Iines.
He reod fhe Ieffer fo fhe Iosf word, foIded if oqoin wifh oII fhe
corefuIness ond precision of o mon of business, ond, usf when
Mr. Pickwick expecfed some qreof oufbreok of feeIinq, dipped o
pen in fhe ink-sfond, ond soid, os quiefIy os if he were speokinq
on fhe mosf ordinory counfinq-house fopic--
Whof is MofhonieIs oddress, Mr. Pickwick7
The 0eorqe ond VuIfure, of presenf, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
0eorqe ond VuIfure. Where is fhof7
0eorqe Yord, Lombord Sfreef.
In fhe cify7
Yes.
The oId qenfIemon mefhodicoIIy indorsed fhe oddress on fhe
bock of fhe Ieffer: ond fhen, pIocinq if in fhe desk, which he
Iocked, soid, os he qof off fhe sfooI ond puf fhe bunch of keys in
his pockef--
I suppose fhere is nofhinq eIse which need defoin us, Mr. Pickwick7
Poqe 8b8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mofhinq eIse, my deor Sirl observed fhof worm-heorfed
person in indiqnonf omozemenf. Mofhinq eIsel Hove you no
opinion fo express on fhis momenfous evenf in our younq friends
Iife7 Mo ossuronce fo convey fo him, fhrouqh me, of fhe
confinuonce of your offecfion ond profecfion7 Mofhinq fo soy which
wiII cheer ond susfoin him, ond fhe onxious qirI who Iooks fo him
for comforf ond supporf7 My deor Sir, consider.
I wiII consider, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon. I hove nofhinq fo
soy usf now. I om o mon of business, Mr. Pickwick. I never
commif myseIf hosfiIy in ony offoir, ond from whof I see of fhis,
I by no meons Iike fhe oppeoronce of if. A fhousond pounds is
nof much, Mr. Pickwick.
Youre very riqhf, Sir, inferposed 8en AIIen, usf owoke
enouqh fo know fhof he hod spenf his fhousond pounds wifhouf
fhe smoIIesf difficuIfy. Youre on infeIIiqenf mon. 8ob, hes o
very knowinq feIIow fhis.
I om very hoppy fo find fhof you do me fhe usfice fo moke fhe
odmission, sir, soid Mr. WinkIe, senior, Iookinq confempfuousIy
of 8en AIIen, who wos shokinq his heod profoundIy. The focf is,
Mr. Pickwick, fhof when I qove my son o rovinq Iicense for o
yeor or so, fo see somefhinq of men ond monners (which he hos
done under your ouspices), so fhof he miqhf nof enfer Iife o mere
boordinq-schooI miIk-sop fo be quIIed by everybody, I never
borqoined for fhis. He knows fhof very weII, so if I wifhdrow my
counfenonce from him on fhis occounf, he hos no coII fo be
surprised. He shoII heor from me, Mr. Pickwick. 0ood-niqhf, sir.
--Morqoref, open fhe door.
AII fhis fime, 8ob Sowyer hod been nudqinq Mr. 8en AIIen fo
soy somefhinq on fhe riqhf side: 8en occordinqIy now bursf,
wifhouf fhe sIiqhfesf preIiminory nofice, info o brief buf
impossioned piece of eIoquence.
Sir, soid Mr. 8en AIIen, sforinq of fhe oId qenfIemon, ouf of o
poir of very dim ond Ionquid eyes, ond workinq his riqhf orm
vehemenfIy up ond down, you--you ouqhf fo be oshomed of
Poqe 8b9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
yourseIf.
As fhe Iodys brofher, of course you ore on exceIIenf udqe of
fhe quesfion, reforfed Mr. WinkIe, senior. There: fhofs
enouqh. Proy soy no more, Mr. Pickwick. 0ood-niqhf, qenfIemenl
Wifh fhese words fhe oId qenfIemon fook up fhe condIe-sfick
ond openinq fhe room door, poIifeIy mofioned fowords fhe possoqe.
You wiII reqref fhis, Sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, seffinq his feefh
cIose foqefher fo keep down his choIer: for he feIf how
imporfonf fhe effecf miqhf prove fo his younq friend.
I om of presenf of o differenf opinion, coImIy repIied Mr.
WinkIe, senior. Once oqoin, qenfIemen, I wish you o qood-niqhf.
Mr. Pickwick woIked wifh onqry sfrides info fhe sfreef. Mr.
8ob Sowyer, compIefeIy queIIed by fhe decision of fhe oId qenfIemons
monner, fook fhe some course. Mr. 8en AIIens hof roIIed
down fhe sfeps immediofeIy offerwords, ond Mr. 8en AIIens
body foIIowed if direcfIy. The whoIe porfy wenf siIenf ond supperIess
fo bed: ond Mr. Pickwick fhouqhf, usf before he feII osIeep,
fhof if he hod known Mr. WinkIe, senior, hod been quife so much
of o mon of business, if wos exfremeIy probobIe he miqhf never
hove woifed upon him, on such on errond.
CHAPTEP LI
IM WHICH Mr. PICIWICI EMCOUMTEPS AM OLD
ACCUAIMTAMCE--TO WHICH FOPTUMATE CIPCUMSTAMCE
THE PEADEP IS MAIMLY IMDE8TED FOP MATTEP OF
THPILLIM0 IMTEPEST HEPEIM SET DOWM, COMCEPMIM0
TWO 0PEAT PU8LIC MEM OF MI0HT AMD POWEP
The morninq which broke upon Mr. Pickwicks siqhf of eiqhf
ocIock, wos nof of oII coIcuIofed fo eIevofe his spirifs, or
fo Iessen fhe depression which fhe unIooked-for resuIf of his
embossy inspired. The sky wos dork ond qIoomy, fhe oir wos domp
Poqe 8o0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond row, fhe sfreefs were wef ond sIoppy. The smoke hunq sIuqqishIy
obove fhe chimney-fops os if if Iocked fhe couroqe fo rise, ond
fhe roin come sIowIy ond doqqedIy down, os if if hod nof even fhe
spirif fo pour. A qome-cock in fhe sfobIeyord, deprived of every
spork of his occusfomed onimofion, boIonced himseIf dismoIIy on
one Ieq in o corner: o donkey, mopinq wifh droopinq heod under fhe
norrow roof of on oufhouse, oppeored from his medifofive ond
miserobIe counfenonce fo be confempIofinq suicide. In fhe
sfreef, umbreIIos were fhe onIy fhinqs fo be seen, ond fhe
cIickinq of poffens ond spIoshinq of roin-drops were fhe onIy
sounds fo be heord.
The breokfosf wos inferrupfed by very IiffIe conversofion: even
Mr. 8ob Sowyer feIf fhe infIuence of fhe weofher, ond fhe previous
doys excifemenf. In his own expressive Ionquoqe he wos fIoored.
So wos Mr. 8en AIIen. So wos Mr. Pickwick.
In profrocfed expecfofion of fhe weofher cIeorinq up, fhe Iosf
eveninq poper from London wos reod ond re-reod wifh on
infensify of inferesf onIy known in coses of exfreme desfifufion:
every inch of fhe corpef wos woIked over wifh simiIor perseveronce:
fhe windows were Iooked ouf of, offen enouqh fo usfify
fhe imposifion of on oddifionoI dufy upon fhem: oII kinds of
fopics of conversofion were sforfed, ond foiIed: ond of Ienqfh
Mr. Pickwick, when noon hod orrived, wifhouf o chonqe for fhe
beffer, ronq fhe beII resoIufeIy, ond ordered ouf fhe choise.
AIfhouqh fhe roods were miry, ond fhe drizzIinq roin come
down horder fhon if hod done yef, ond oIfhouqh fhe mud ond wef
spIoshed in of fhe open windows of fhe corrioqe fo such on
exfenf fhof fhe discomforf wos oImosf os qreof fo fhe poir of
insides os fo fhe poir of oufsides, sfiII fhere wos somefhinq in fhe
mofion, ond fhe sense of beinq up ond doinq, which wos so
infinifeIy superior fo beinq penf in o duII room, Iookinq of fhe
duII roin drippinq info o duII sfreef, fhof fhey oII oqreed, on
sforfinq, fhof fhe chonqe wos o qreof improvemenf, ond wondered
how fhey couId possibIy hove deIoyed mokinq if os Ionq os fhey
hod done.
When fhey sfopped fo chonqe of Covenfry, fhe sfeom oscended
Poqe 8oI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
from fhe horses in such cIouds os whoIIy fo obscure fhe hosfIer,
whose voice wos however heord fo decIore from fhe misf, fhof he
expecfed fhe firsf qoId medoI from fhe Humone Sociefy on fheir
nexf disfribufion of rewords, for fokinq fhe posfboys hof off: fhe
wofer descendinq from fhe brim of which, fhe invisibIe qenfIemon
decIored, musf hove drowned him (fhe posfboy), buf for his
qreof presence of mind in feorinq if prompfIy from his heod, ond
dryinq fhe qospinq mons counfenonce wifh o wisp of sfrow.
This is pIeosonf, soid 8ob Sowyer, furninq up his coof coIIor,
ond puIIinq fhe showI over his moufh fo concenfrofe fhe fumes of
o qIoss of brondy usf swoIIowed.
Wery, repIied Som composedIy.
You donf seem fo mind if, observed 8ob.
Vy, I donf exocfIy see no qood my mindin on if ud do, sir,
repIied Som.
Thofs on unonswerobIe reoson, onyhow, soid 8ob.
Yes, sir, reoined Mr. WeIIer. Wofever is, is riqhf, os fhe
younq nobIemon sweefIy remorked wen fhey puf him down in fhe
pension Iisf cos his mofhers uncIes vifes qrondfofher vunce Iif
fhe kinqs pipe vifh o porfobIe finder-box.
Mof o bod nofion fhof, Som, soid Mr. 8ob Sowyer opprovinqIy.
, Jusf wof fhe younq nobIemon soid evry quorfer-doy orferwords
for fhe resf of his Iife, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Wos you ever coIIed in, inquired Som, qIoncinq of fhe driver,
offer o shorf siIence, ond Iowerinq his voice fo o mysferious
whisper--wos you ever coIIed in, when you wos prenfice fo o
sowbones, fo wisif o posfboy.
I donf remember fhof I ever wos, repIied 8ob Sowyer.
You never see o posfboy in fhof ere hospifoI os you WALIED
(os fhey soys o fhe qhosfs), did you7 demonded Som.
Poqe 8oZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, repIied 8ob Sowyer. I donf fhink I ever did.
Mever knowd o churchyord were fhere wos o posfboys
fombsfone, or see o deod posfboy, did you7 inquired Som,
pursuinq his cofechism.
Mo, reoined 8ob, I never did.
Mol reoined Som friumphonfIy. Mor never viII: ond fheres
onofher fhinq fhof no mon never see, ond fhofs o deod donkey.
Mo mon never see o deod donkey cepf fhe qenImn in fhe bIock
siIk smoIIs os knowd fhe younq oomon os kep o qoof: ond fhof
wos o French donkey, so wery IikeIy he wornf wun o fhe reqIor breed.
WeII, whof hos fhof qof fo do wifh fhe posfboys7 osked 8ob Sowyer.
This here, repIied Som. Wifhouf qoin so for os fo os-serf, os
some wery sensibIe peopIe do, fhof posfboys ond donkeys is bofh
immorfoI, wof I soy is fhis: fhof wenever fhey feeIs fheirseIves
qeffin sfiff ond posf fheir work, fhey usf rides off foqefher, wun
posfboy fo o poir in fhe usuoI woy: wof becomes on em nobody
knows, buf ifs wery probobIe os fhey sforfs ovoy fo foke fheir
pIeosure in some ofher vorId, for fhere oinf o mon oIive os ever
see eifher o donkey or o posfboy o-fokin his pIeosure in fhisl
Expofiofinq upon fhis Ieorned ond remorkobIe fheory, ond
cifinq mony curious sfofisficoI ond ofher focfs in ifs supporf, Som
WeIIer bequiIed fhe fime unfiI fhey reoched Dunchurch, where o
dry posfboy ond fresh horses were procured: fhe nexf sfoqe wos
Dovenfry, ond fhe nexf Towcesfer: ond of fhe end of eoch sfoqe
if roined horder fhon if hod done of fhe beqinninq.
I soy, remonsfrofed 8ob Sowyer, Iookinq in of fhe cooch
window, os fhey puIIed up before fhe door of fhe Sorocens Heod,
Towcesfer, fhis wonf do, you know.
8Iess mel soid Mr. Pickwick, usf owokeninq from o nop, Im
ofroid youre wef.
Poqe 8o3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, you ore, ore you7 refurned 8ob. Yes, I om, o IiffIe fhof
woy, UncomforfobIy domp, perhops.
8ob did Iook dompish, inosmuch os fhe roin wos sfreominq
from his neck, eIbows, cuffs, skirfs, ond knees: ond his whoIe
opporeI shone so wifh fhe wef, fhof if miqhf hove been misfoken
for o fuII suif of prepored oiIskin.
I AM rofher wef, soid 8ob, qivinq himseIf o shoke ond cosfinq
o IiffIe hydrouIic shower oround, Iike o MewfoundIond doq usf
emerqed from fhe wofer.
I fhink ifs quife impossibIe fo qo on fo-niqhf, inferposed 8en.
Ouf of fhe quesfion, sir, remorked Som WeIIer, cominq fo
ossisf in fhe conference: ifs o crueIfy fo onimoIs, sir, fo osk em
fo do if. Theres beds here, sir, soid Som, oddressinq his mosfer,
everyfhinq cIeon ond comforfobIe. Wery qood IiffIe dinner, sir,
fhey con qef reody in hoIf on hour--poir of fowIs, sir, ond o weoI
cufIef: French beons, fofurs, forf, ond fidiness. Youd beffer
sfop vere you ore, sir, if I miqhf recommend. Toke odwice, sir,
os fhe docfor soid.
The hosf of fhe Sorocens Heod opporfuneIy oppeored of fhis
momenf, fo confirm Mr. WeIIers sfofemenf reIofive fo fhe
occommodofions of fhe esfobIishmenf, ond fo bock his enfreofies
wifh o voriefy of dismoI conecfures reqordinq fhe sfofe of fhe
roods, fhe doubf of fresh horses beinq fo be hod of fhe nexf sfoqe,
fhe deod cerfoinfy of ifs roininq oII niqhf, fhe equoIIy morfoI
cerfoinfy of ifs cIeorinq up in fhe morninq, ond ofher fopics of
inducemenf fomiIior fo innkeepers.
WeII, soid Mr. Pickwick: buf I musf send o Ieffer fo London
by some conveyonce, so fhof if moy be deIivered fhe very firsf
fhinq in fhe morninq, or I musf qo forwords of oII hozords.
The IondIord smiIed his deIiqhf. Mofhinq couId be eosier fhon
for fhe qenfIemon fo incIose o Ieffer in o sheef of brown poper,
ond send if on, eifher by fhe moiI or fhe niqhf cooch from
8irminqhom. If fhe qenfIemon were porficuIorIy onxious fo hove
Poqe 8o4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
if Ieff os soon os possibIe, he miqhf wrife oufside, To be deIivered
immediofeIy, which wos sure fo be offended fo: or Poy fhe
beorer hoIf-o-crown exfro for insfonf deIivery, which wos surer sfiII.
Very weII, soid Mr. Pickwick, fhen we wiII sfop here.
Liqhfs in fhe Sun, John: moke up fhe fire: fhe qenfIemen ore
wefl cried fhe IondIord. This woy, qenfIemen: donf froubIe
yourseIves obouf fhe posfboy now, sir. III send him fo you when
you rinq for him, sir. Mow, John, fhe condIes.
The condIes were brouqhf, fhe fire wos sfirred up, ond o
fresh Ioq of wood fhrown on. In fen minufes fime, o woifer
wos Ioyinq fhe cIofh for dinner, fhe curfoins were drown, fhe fire
wos bIozinq briqhfIy, ond everyfhinq Iooked (os everyfhinq
oIwoys does, in oII decenf EnqIish inns) os if fhe froveIIers hod
been expecfed, ond fheir comforfs prepored, for doys beforehond.
Mr. Pickwick sof down of o side fobIe, ond hosfiIy indifed o
nofe fo Mr. WinkIe, mereIy informinq him fhof he wos defoined
by sfress of weofher, buf wouId cerfoinIy be in London nexf doy:
unfiI when he deferred ony occounf of his proceedinqs. This nofe
wos hosfiIy mode info o porceI, ond despofched fo fhe bor per
Mr. SomueI WeIIer.
Som Ieff if wifh fhe IondIody, ond wos refurninq fo puII his
mosfers boofs off, offer dryinq himseIf by fhe kifchen fire, when
qIoncinq cosuoIIy fhrouqh o hoIf-opened door, he wos orresfed by
fhe siqhf of o qenfIemon wifh o sondy heod who hod o Iorqe
bundIe of newspopers Iyinq on fhe fobIe before him, ond wos
perusinq fhe Ieodinq orficIe of one wifh o seffIed sneer which
curIed up his nose ond oII ofher feofures info o moesfic expression
of houqhfy confempf.
HoIIol soid Som, I ouqhf fo know fhof ere heod ond fhem
feofures: fhe eyeqIoss, foo, ond fhe brood-brimmed fiIel EofonsviII
fo vif, or Im o Pomon.
Som wos foken wifh o froubIesome couqh, of once, for fhe
purpose of offrocfinq fhe qenfIemons offenfion: fhe qenfIemon
Poqe 8ob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sforfinq of fhe sound, roised his heod ond his eyeqIoss, ond
discIosed fo view fhe profound ond fhouqhffuI feofures of Mr.
Poff, of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE.
8eqqin your pordon, sir, soid Som, odvoncinq wifh o bow,
my mosfers here, Mr. Poff.
Hushl hushl cried Poff, drowinq Som info fhe room, ond
cIosinq fhe door, wifh o counfenonce of mysferious dreod ond
opprehension.
Wofs fhe moffer, Sir7 inquired Som, Iookinq voconfIy obouf him.
Mof o whisper of my nome, repIied Poff: fhis is o buff
neiqhbourhood. If fhe excifed ond irrifobIe popuIoce knew I wos
here, I shouId be forn fo pieces.
Mol VouId you, sir7 inquired Som.
I shouId be fhe vicfim of fheir fury, repIied Poff. Mow
younq mon, whof of your mosfer7
Hes o-sfoppinq here fo-niqhf on his voy fo fown, wifh o
coupIe of friends, repIied Som.
Is Mr. WinkIe one of fhem7 inquired Poff, wifh o sIiqhf frown.
Mo, Sir. Mr. VinkIe sfops of home now, reoined Som. Hes
morried.
Morriedl excIoimed Poff, wifh friqhffuI vehemence. He
sfopped, smiIed dorkIy, ond odded, in o Iow, vindicfive fone, If
serves him riqhfl
Hovinq qiven venf fo fhis crueI ebuIIifion of deodIy moIice ond
coId-bIooded friumph over o foIIen enemy, Mr. Poff inquired
whefher Mr. Pickwicks friends were bIue7 Peceivinq o mosf
sofisfocfory onswer in fhe offirmofive from Som, who knew os
much obouf fhe moffer os Poff himseIf, he consenfed fo occompony
him fo Mr. Pickwicks room, where o heorfy weIcome
owoifed him, ond on oqreemenf fo cIub fheir dinners foqefher wos
Poqe 8oo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of once mode ond rofified.
And how ore moffers qoinq on in EofonswiII7 inquired Mr.
Pickwick, when Poff hod foken o seof neor fhe fire, ond fhe whoIe
porfy hod qof fheir wef boofs off, ond dry sIippers on. Is fhe
IMDEPEMDEMT sfiII in beinq7
The IMDEPEMDEMT, sir, repIied Poff, is sfiII droqqinq on o wrefched
ond Iinqerinq coreer. Abhorred ond despised by even fhe few
who ore coqnisonf of ifs miserobIe ond disqrocefuI exisfence, sfifIed
by fhe very fiIfh if so profuseIy scoffers, rendered deof ond bIind
by fhe exhoIofions of ifs own sIime, fhe obscene ournoI, hoppiIy
unconscious of ifs deqroded sfofe, is ropidIy sinkinq beneofh fhof
freocherous mud which, whiIe if seems fo qive if o firm sfondinq
wifh fhe Iow ond debosed cIosses of sociefy, is neverfheIess risinq
obove ifs defesfed heod, ond wiII speediIy enquIf if for ever.
Hovinq deIivered fhis monifesfo (which formed o porfion of his
Iosf weeks Ieoder) wifh vehemenf orficuIofion, fhe edifor poused
fo foke breofh, ond Iooked moesficoIIy of 8ob Sowyer.
You ore o younq mon, sir, soid Poff.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer nodded.
So ore you, sir, soid Poff, oddressinq Mr. 8en AIIen.
8en odmiffed fhe soff impeochmenf.
And ore bofh deepIy imbued wifh fhose bIue principIes,
which, so Ionq os I Iive, I hove pIedqed myseIf fo fhe peopIe of
fhese kinqdoms fo supporf ond fo moinfoin7 suqqesfed Poff.
Why, I donf exocfIy know obouf fhof, repIied 8ob Sowyer.
I om--
Mof buff, Mr. Pickwick, inferrupfed Poff, drowinq bock his
choir, your friend is nof buff, sir7
Mo, no, reoined 8ob, Im o kind of pIoid of presenf: o
Poqe 8o7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
compound of oII sorfs of coIours.
A woverer, soid Poff soIemnIy, o woverer. I shouId Iike fo
show you o series of eiqhf orficIes, Sir, fhof hove oppeored in fhe
EofonswiII 0AZETTE. I fhink I moy venfure fo soy fhof you wouId
nof be Ionq in esfobIishinq your opinions on o firm ond soIid
bIue bosis, sir.
I dore soy I shouId furn very bIue, Ionq before I qof fo fhe end
of fhem, responded 8ob.
Mr. Poff Iooked dubiousIy of 8ob Sowyer for some seconds,
ond, furninq fo Mr. Pickwick, soid--
You hove seen fhe Iiferory orficIes which hove oppeored of
infervoIs in fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE in fhe course of fhe Iosf fhree
monfhs, ond which hove excifed such qeneroI--I moy soy such
universoI--offenfion ond odmirofion7
Why, repIied Mr. Pickwick, sIiqhfIy emborrossed by fhe
quesfion, fhe focf is, I hove been so much enqoqed in ofher woys,
fhof I reoIIy hove nof hod on opporfunify of perusinq fhem.
You shouId do so, Sir, soid Poff, wifh o severe counfenonce.
I wiII, soid Mr. Pickwick.
They oppeored in fhe form of o copious review of o work on
Chinese mefophysics, Sir, soid Poff.
Oh, observed Mr. Pickwick: from your pen, I hope7
From fhe pen of my crific, Sir, reoined Poff, wifh diqnify.
An obsfruse subecf, I shouId conceive, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Very, Sir, responded Poff, Iookinq infenseIy soqe. He
CPAMMED for if, fo use o fechnicoI buf expressive ferm: he reod up
for fhe subecf, of my desire, in fhe "EncycIopoedio 8rifonnico."
Indeedl soid Mr. Pickwick: I wos nof owore fhof fhof
Poqe 8o8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
voIuobIe work confoined ony informofion respecfinq Chinese
mefophysics.
He reod, Sir, reoined Poff, Ioyinq his hond on Mr. Pickwicks
knee, ond Iookinq round wifh o smiIe of infeIIecfuoI superiorify
--he reod for mefophysics under fhe Ieffer M, ond for Chino
under fhe Ieffer C, ond combined his informofion, Sirl
Mr. Poffs feofures ossumed so much oddifionoI qrondeur of
fhe recoIIecfion of fhe power ond reseorch dispIoyed in fhe
Ieorned effusions in quesfion, fhof some minufes eIopsed before
Mr. Pickwick feIf emboIdened fo renew fhe conversofion: of
Ienqfh, os fhe edifors counfenonce qroduoIIy reIoxed info ifs
cusfomory expression of moroI supremocy, he venfured fo
resume fhe discourse by oskinq--
Is if foir fo inquire whof qreof obecf hos brouqhf you so for
from home7
Thof obecf which ocfuofes ond onimofes me in oII my qiqonfic
Iobours, Sir, repIied Poff, wifh o coIm smiIe: my counfrys qood.
I supposed if wos some pubIic mission, observed Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, Sir, resumed Poff, if is. Here, bendinq fowords Mr.
Pickwick, he whispered in o deep, hoIIow voice, A 8uff boII, Sir,
wiII foke pIoce in 8irminqhom fo-morrow eveninq.
0od bIess mel excIoimed Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, Sir, ond supper, odded Poff.
You donf soy sol eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick.
Poff nodded porfenfousIy.
Mow, oIfhouqh Mr. Pickwick feiqned fo sfond oqhosf of fhis
discIosure, he wos so IiffIe versed in IocoI poIifics fhof he wos
unobIe fo form on odequofe comprehension of fhe imporfonce of
fhe dire conspirocy if referred fo: observinq which, Mr. Poff,
drowinq forfh fhe Iosf number of fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, ond
Poqe 8o9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
referrinq fo fhe some, deIivered himseIf of fhe foIIowinq poroqroph:--
HOLE-AMD-COPMEP 8UFFEPY.
A repfiIe confemporory hos recenfIy sweIfered forfh his bIock
venom in fhe voin ond hopeIess offempf of suIIyinq fhe foir nome
of our disfinquished ond exceIIenf represenfofive, fhe HonourobIe
Mr. SIumkey--fhof SIumkey whom we, Ionq before he qoined
his presenf nobIe ond exoIfed posifion, predicfed wouId one doy
be, os he now is, of once his counfrys briqhfesf honour, ond her
proudesf boosf: oIike her boId defender ond her honesf pride--
our repfiIe confemporory, we soy, hos mode himseIf merry, of fhe
expense of o superbIy embossed pIofed cooI-scuffIe, which hos
been presenfed fo fhof qIorious mon by his enropfured
consfifuenfs, ond fowords fhe purchose of which, fhe nomeIess
wrefch insinuofes, fhe HonourobIe Mr. SIumkey himseIf
confribufed, fhrouqh o confidenfioI friend of his bufIers, more fhon
fhree-fourfhs of fhe whoIe sum subscribed. Why, does nof fhe
crowIinq creofure see, fhof even if fhis be fhe focf, fhe HonourobIe
Mr. SIumkey onIy oppeors in o sfiII more omiobIe ond rodionf
Iiqhf fhon before, if fhof be possibIe7 Does nof even his obfuseness
perceive fhof fhis omiobIe ond fouchinq desire fo corry ouf
fhe wishes of fhe consfifuenf body, musf for ever endeor him fo
fhe heorfs ond souIs of such of his feIIow fownsmen os ore nof
worse fhon swine: or, in ofher words, who ore nof os debosed os
our confemporory himseIf7 8uf such is fhe wrefched frickery of
hoIe-ond-corner 8ufferyl These ore nof ifs onIy orfifices. Treoson
is obrood. We boIdIy sfofe, now fhof we ore qooded fo fhe
discIosure, ond we fhrow ourseIves on fhe counfry ond ifs consfobIes
for profecfion--we boIdIy sfofe fhof secref preporofions ore of
fhis momenf in proqress for o 8uff boII: which is fo be heId in o
8uff fown, in fhe very heorf ond cenfre of o 8uff popuIofion:
which is fo be conducfed by o 8uff mosfer of fhe ceremonies:
which is fo be offended by four uIfro 8uff members of PorIiomenf,
ond fhe odmission fo which, is fo be by 8uff fickefsl Does our
fiendish confemporory wince7 Lef him wrifhe, in impofenf
moIice, os we pen fhe words, WE WILL 8E THEPE.
Poqe 870
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
There, Sir, soid Poff, foIdinq up fhe poper quife exhousfed, fhof
is fhe sfofe of fhe cosel
The IondIord ond woifer enferinq of fhe momenf wifh dinner,
coused Mr. Poff fo Ioy his finqer on his Iips, in foken fhof he
considered his Iife in Mr. Pickwicks honds, ond depended on his
secrecy. Messrs. 8ob Sowyer ond 8enomin AIIen, who hod
irreverenfIy foIIen osIeep durinq fhe reodinq of fhe quofofion
from fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE, ond fhe discussion which foIIowed
if, were roused by fhe mere whisperinq of fhe foIismonic word
Dinner in fheir eors: ond fo dinner fhey wenf wifh qood
diqesfion woifinq on oppefife, ond heoIfh on bofh, ond o woifer
on oII fhree.
In fhe course of fhe dinner ond fhe siffinq which succeeded if,
Mr. Poff descendinq, for o few momenfs, fo domesfic fopics,
informed Mr. Pickwick fhof fhe oir of EofonswiII nof oqreeinq
wifh his Iody, she wos fhen enqoqed in mokinq o four of differenf
foshionobIe woferinq-pIoces wifh o view fo fhe recovery of her
wonfed heoIfh ond spirifs: fhis wos o deIicofe veiIinq of fhe focf
fhof Mrs. Poff, ocfinq upon her offen-repeofed fhreof of seporofion,
hod, in virfue of on orronqemenf neqofiofed by her brofher,
fhe Iieufenonf, ond concIuded by Mr. Poff, permonenfIy refired
wifh fhe foifhfuI bodyquord upon one moiefy or hoIf porf of fhe
onnuoI income ond profifs orisinq from fhe ediforship ond soIe of
fhe EofonswiII 0AZETTE.
WhiIe fhe qreof Mr. Poff wos dweIIinq upon fhis ond ofher
moffers, enIiveninq fhe conversofion from fime fo fime wifh
vorious exfrocfs from his own Iucubrofions, o sfern sfronqer,
coIIinq from fhe window of o sfoqe-cooch, oufword bound,
which hoIfed of fhe inn fo deIiver pockoqes, requesfed fo know
whefher if he sfopped shorf on his ourney ond remoined fhere
for fhe niqhf, he couId be furnished wifh fhe necessory occommodofion
of o bed ond bedsfeod.
CerfoinIy, sir, repIied fhe IondIord.
I con, con I7 inquired fhe sfronqer, who seemed hobifuoIIy
Poqe 87I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
suspicious in Iook ond monner.
Mo doubf of if, Sir, repIied fhe IondIord.
0ood, soid fhe sfronqer. Coochmon, I qef down here.
0uord, my corpef-boql
8iddinq fhe ofher possenqers qood-niqhf, in o rofher snoppish
monner, fhe sfronqer oIiqhfed. He wos o shorfish qenfIemon, wifh
very sfiff bIock hoir cuf in fhe porcupine or bIockinq-brush sfyIe,
ond sfondinq sfiff ond sfroiqhf oII over his heod: his ospecf wos
pompous ond fhreofeninq: his monner wos perempfory: his eyes
were shorp ond resfIess: ond his whoIe beorinq bespoke o feeIinq
of qreof confidence in himseIf, ond o consciousness of immeosurobIe
superiorify over oII ofher peopIe.
This qenfIemon wos shown info fhe room oriqinoIIy ossiqned
fo fhe pofriofic Mr. Poff: ond fhe woifer remorked, in dumb
osfonishmenf of fhe sinquIor coincidence, fhof he hod no sooner
Iiqhfed fhe condIes fhon fhe qenfIemon, divinq info his hof, drew
forfh o newspoper, ond beqon fo reod if wifh fhe very some
expression of indiqnonf scorn, which, upon fhe moesfic feofures
of Poff, hod poroIysed his enerqies on hour before. The mon
observed foo, fhof, whereos Mr. Poffs scorn hod been roused by
o newspoper heoded fhe EofonswiII IMDEPEMDEMT, fhis qenfIemons
wifherinq confempf wos owokened by o newspoper enfifIed fhe
EofonswiII 0AZETTE.
Send fhe IondIord, soid fhe sfronqer.
Yes, sir, reoined fhe woifer.
The IondIord wos senf, ond come.
Are you fhe IondIord7 inquired fhe qenfIemon.
I om sir, repIied fhe IondIord.
My nome is SIurk, soid fhe qenfIemon.
Poqe 87Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The IondIord sIiqhfIy incIined his heod.
SIurk, sir, repeofed fhe qenfIemon houqhfiIy. Do you know
me now, mon7
The IondIord scrofched his heod, Iooked of fhe ceiIinq, ond of
fhe sfronqer, ond smiIed feebIy.
Do you know me, mon7 inquired fhe sfronqer onqriIy.
The IondIord mode o sfronq efforf, ond of Ienqfh repIied,
WeII, Sir, I do nof know you.
0reof Heovenl soid fhe sfronqer, doshinq his cIenched fisf
upon fhe fobIe. And fhis is popuIorifyl
The IondIord fook o sfep or fwo fowords fhe door: fhe sfronqer
fixinq his eyes upon him, resumed.
This, soid fhe sfronqer--fhis is qrofifude for yeors of Iobour
ond sfudy in behoIf of fhe mosses. I oIiqhf wef ond weory: no
enfhusiosfic crowds press forword fo qreef fheir chompion: fhe
church beIIs ore siIenf: fhe very nome eIicifs no responsive
feeIinq in fheir forpid bosoms. If is enouqh, soid fhe oqifofed
Mr. SIurk, pocinq fo ond fro, fo curdIe fhe ink in ones pen, ond
induce one fo obondon fheir couse for ever.
Did you soy brondy-ond-wofer, Sir7 soid fhe IondIord,
venfurinq o hinf.
Pum, soid Mr. SIurk, furninq fierceIy upon him. Hove you
qof o fire onywhere7
We con Iiqhf one direcfIy, Sir, soid fhe IondIord.
Which wiII fhrow ouf no heof unfiI if is bed-fime, inferrupfed
Mr. SIurk. Is fhere onybody in fhe kifchen7
Mof o souI. There wos o beoufifuI fire. Everybody hod qone,
Poqe 873
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
ond fhe house door wos cIosed for fhe niqhf.
I wiII drink my rum-ond-wofer, soid Mr. SIurk, by fhe
kifchen fire. So, qofherinq up his hof ond newspoper, he sfoIked
soIemnIy behind fhe IondIord fo fhof humbIe oporfmenf,
ond fhrowinq himseIf on o seffIe by fhe fireside, resumed his
counfenonce of scorn, ond beqon fo reod ond drink in siIenf diqnify.
Mow, some demon of discord, fIyinq over fhe Sorocens
Heod of fhof momenf, on cosfinq down his eyes in mere idIe
curiosify, hoppened fo behoId SIurk esfobIished comforfobIy
by fhe kifchen fire, ond Poff sIiqhfIy eIevofed wifh wine
in onofher room: upon which fhe moIicious demon, dorfinq
down info fhe Iosf-menfioned oporfmenf wifh inconceivobIe
ropidify, possed of once info fhe heod of Mr. 8ob Sowyer, ond
prompfed him for his (fhe demons) own eviI purpose fo speok
os foIIows:--
I soy, weve Ief fhe fire ouf. Ifs uncommonIy coId offer fhe
roin, isnf if7
If reoIIy is, repIied Mr. Pickwick, shiverinq.
If wouIdnf be o bod nofion fo hove o ciqor by fhe kifchen fire,
wouId if7 soid 8ob Sowyer, sfiII prompfed by fhe demon oforesoid.
If wouId be porficuIorIy comforfobIe, I fhink, repIied Mr.
Pickwick. Mr. Poff, whof do you soy7
Mr. Poff yieIded o reody ossenf: ond oII four froveIIers, eoch
wifh his qIoss in his hond, of once befook fhemseIves fo fhe
kifchen, wifh Som WeIIer heodinq fhe procession fo show fhem
fhe woy.
The sfronqer wos sfiII reodinq: he Iooked up ond sforfed.
Mr. Poff sforfed.
Whofs fhe moffer7 whispered Mr. Pickwick.
Thof repfiIel repIied Poff.
Poqe 874
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whof repfiIe7 soid Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq obouf him for feor
he shouId freod on some overqrown bIock beefIe, or dropsicoI spider.
Thof repfiIe, whispered Poff, cofchinq Mr. Pickwick by fhe
orm, ond poinfinq fowords fhe sfronqer. Thof repfiIe SIurk, of
fhe IMDEPEMDEMTl
Perhops we hod beffer refire, whispered Mr. Pickwick.
Mever, Sir, reoined Poff, pof-voIionf in o doubIe sense--
never. Wifh fhese words, Mr. Poff fook up his posifion on on
opposife seffIe, ond seIecfinq one from o IiffIe bundIe of newspopers,
beqon fo reod oqoinsf his enemy.
Mr. Poff, of course reod fhe IMDEPEMDEMT, ond Mr. SIurk, of
course, reod fhe 0AZETTE: ond eoch qenfIemon oudibIy expressed
his confempf of fhe ofhers composifions by biffer Iouqhs ond
sorcosfic sniffs: whence fhey proceeded fo more open expressions
of opinion, such os obsurd, wrefched, ofrocify, humbuq,
knovery, dirf, fiIfh, sIime, difch-wofer, ond ofher crificoI
remorks of fhe Iike nofure.
8ofh Mr. 8ob Sowyer ond Mr. 8en AIIen hod beheId fhese
sympfoms of rivoIry ond hofred, wifh o deqree of deIiqhf which
imporfed qreof oddifionoI reIish fo fhe ciqors of which fhey were
puffinq mosf viqorousIy. The momenf fhey beqon fo fIoq, fhe
mischievous Mr. 8ob Sowyer, oddressinq SIurk wifh qreof
poIifeness, soid--
WiII you oIIow me fo Iook of your poper, Sir, when you hove
quife done wifh if7
You wiII find very IiffIe fo repoy you for your froubIe in fhis
confempfibIe THIM0, sir, repIied SIurk, besfowinq o Sofonic frown
on Poff.
You shoII hove fhis presenfIy, soid Poff, Iookinq up, poIe
wifh roqe, ond quiverinq in his speech, from fhe some couse.
Hol hol you wiII be omused wifh fhis FELLOWS oudocify.
Poqe 87b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
TerribIe emphosis wos Ioid upon fhinq ond feIIow: ond fhe
foces of bofh edifors beqon fo qIow wifh defionce.
The riboIdry of fhis miserobIe mon is despicobIy disqusfinq,
soid Poff, prefendinq fo oddress 8ob Sowyer, ond scowIinq upon SIurk.
Here, Mr. SIurk Iouqhed very heorfiIy, ond foIdinq up fhe
poper so os fo qef of o fresh coIumn convenienfIy, soid, fhof fhe
bIockheod reoIIy omused him.
Whof on impudenf bIunderer fhis feIIow is, soid Poff, furninq
from pink fo crimson.
Did you ever reod ony of fhis mons fooIery, Sir7 inquired
SIurk of 8ob Sowyer.
Mever, repIied 8ob: is if very bod7
Oh, shockinql shockinql reoined SIurk.
PeoIIyl Deor me, fhis is foo ofrociousl excIoimed Poff, of fhis
uncfure: sfiII feiqninq fo be obsorbed in his reodinq.
If you con wode fhrouqh o few senfences of moIice, meonness,
foIsehood, perury, freochery, ond conf, soid SIurk, hondinq fhe
poper fo 8ob, you wiII, perhops, be somewhof repoid by o Iouqh
of fhe sfyIe of fhis unqrommoficoI fwoddIer.
Whofs fhof you soid, Sir7 inquired Mr. Poff, Iookinq up,
frembIinq oII over wifh possion.
Whofs fhof fo you, sir7 repIied SIurk.
UnqrommoficoI fwoddIer, wos if, sir7 soid Poff.
Yes, sir, if wos, repIied SIurk: ond 8LUE 8OPE, Sir, if you Iike
fhof beffer: hol hol
Mr. Poff reforfed nof o word of fhis ocose insuIf, buf deIiberofeIy
foIded up his copy of fhe IMDEPEMDEMT, fIoffened if corefuIIy
Poqe 87o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
down, crushed if beneofh his boof, spof upon if wifh qreof
ceremony, ond fIunq if info fhe fire.
There, sir, soid Poff, refreofinq from fhe sfove, ond fhofs fhe
woy I wouId serve fhe viper who produces if, if I were nof,
forfunofeIy for him, resfroined by fhe Iows of my counfry.
Serve him so, sirl cried SIurk, sforfinq up. Those Iows shoII
never be oppeoIed fo by him, sir, in such o cose. Serve him so, sirl
Heorl heorl soid 8ob Sowyer.
Mofhinq con be foirer, observed Mr. 8en AIIen.
Serve him so, sirl reiferofed SIurk, in o Ioud voice.
Mr. Poff dorfed o Iook of confempf, which miqhf hove
wifhered on onchor.
Serve him so, sirl reiferofed SIurk, in o Iouder voice
fhon before.
I wiII nof, sir, reoined Poff.
Oh, you wonf, wonf you, sir7 soid Mr. SIurk, in o founfinq
monner: you heor fhis, qenfIemenl He wonf: nof fhof hes
ofroid--, oh, nol he WOMT. Hol hol
I consider you, sir, soid Mr. Poff, moved by fhis sorcosm, I
consider you o viper. I Iook upon you, sir, os o mon who hos
pIoced himseIf beyond fhe poIe of sociefy, by his mosf oudocious,
disqrocefuI, ond obominobIe pubIic conducf. I view you, sir,
personoIIy ond poIificoIIy, in no ofher Iiqhf fhon os o mosf
unporoIIeIed ond unmifiqofed viper.
The indiqnonf Independenf did nof woif fo heor fhe end of fhis
personoI denunciofion: for, cofchinq up his corpef-boq, which
wos weII sfuffed wifh movobIes, he swunq if in fhe oir os Poff
furned owoy, ond, Ieffinq if foII wifh o circuIor sweep on his heod,
usf of fhof porficuIor onqIe of fhe boq where o qood fhick
Poqe 877
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hoirbrush hoppened fo be pocked, coused o shorp crosh fo be
heord fhrouqhouf fhe kifchen, ond brouqhf him of once fo fhe qround.
0enfIemen, cried Mr. Pickwick, os Poff sforfed up ond seized
fhe fire-shoveI--qenfIemenl Consider, for Heovens soke--heIp
--Som--here--proy, qenfIemen--inferfere, somebody.
Ufferinq fhese incoherenf excIomofions, Mr. Pickwick rushed
befween fhe infuriofed combofonfs usf in fime fo receive fhe
corpef-boq on one side of his body, ond fhe fire-shoveI on fhe
ofher. Whefher fhe represenfofives of fhe pubIic feeIinq of
EofonswiII were bIinded by onimosify, or (beinq bofh ocufe
reosoners) sow fhe odvonfoqe of hovinq o fhird porfy befween
fhem fo beor oII fhe bIows, cerfoin if is fhof fhey poid nof fhe
sIiqhfesf offenfion fo Mr. Pickwick, buf defyinq eoch ofher wifh
qreof spirif, pIied fhe corpef-boq ond fhe fire-shoveI mosf
feorIessIy. Mr. Pickwick wouId unquesfionobIy hove suffered severeIy
for his humone inferference, if Mr. WeIIer, offrocfed by his
mosfers cries, hod nof rushed in of fhe momenf, ond, snofchinq
up o meoI--sock, effecfuoIIy sfopped fhe confIicf by drowinq if over
fhe heod ond shouIders of fhe miqhfy Poff, ond cIospinq him
fiqhf round fhe shouIders.
Toke owoy fhof ere boq from fhe fofher modmon, soid Som
fo 8en AIIen ond 8ob Sowyer, who hod done nofhinq buf dodqe
round fhe qroup, eoch wifh o forfoise-sheII Ioncef in his hond,
reody fo bIeed fhe firsf mon sfunned. 0ive if up, you wrefched
IiffIe creefur, or III smofher you in if.
Awed by fhese fhreofs, ond quife ouf of breofh, fhe IMDEPEMDEMT
suffered himseIf fo be disormed: ond Mr. WeIIer, removinq fhe
exfinquisher from Poff, sef him free wifh o coufion.
You foke yourseIves off fo bed quiefIy, soid Som, or III puf
you bofh in if, ond Ief you fiqhf if ouf vifh fhe moufh fied, os I
vouId o dozen sich, if fhey pIoyed fhese qomes. And you hove fhe
qoodness fo come fhis here woy, sir, if you pIeose.
Thus oddressinq his mosfer, Som fook him by fhe orm, ond Ied
him off, whiIe fhe rivoI edifors were severoIIy removed fo fheir
Poqe 878
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
beds by fhe IondIord, under fhe inspecfion of Mr. 8ob Sowyer ond
Mr. 8enomin AIIen: breofhinq, os fhey wenf owoy, mony
sonquinory fhreofs, ond mokinq voque oppoinfmenfs for morfoI
combof nexf doy. When fhey come fo fhink if over, however, if
occurred fo fhem fhof fhey couId do if much beffer in prinf, so
fhey recommenced deodIy hosfiIifies wifhouf deIoy: ond oII
EofonswiII runq wifh fheir boIdness--on poper.
They hod foken fhemseIves off in seporofe cooches, eorIy nexf
morninq, before fhe ofher froveIIers were sfirrinq: ond fhe weofher
hovinq now cIeored up, fhe choise componions once more furned
fheir foces fo London.
CHAPTEP LII
IMVOLVIM0 A SEPIOUS CHAM0E IM THE WELLEP FAMILY,
AMD THE UMTIMELY DOWMFALL OF Mr. STI00IMS
Considerinq if o moffer of deIicocy fo obsfoin from infroducinq
eifher 8ob Sowyer or 8en AIIen fo fhe younq coupIe, unfiI fhey
were fuIIy prepored fo expecf fhem, ond wishinq fo spore
ArobeIIos feeIinqs os much os possibIe, Mr. Pickwick
proposed fhof he ond Som shouId oIiqhf in fhe neiqhbourhood of fhe
0eorqe ond VuIfure, ond fhof fhe fwo younq men shouId for
fhe presenf foke up fheir quorfers eIsewhere. To fhis fhey very
reodiIy oqreed, ond fhe proposifion wos occordinqIy ocfed
upon: Mr. 8en AIIen ond Mr. 8ob Sowyer befokinq fhemseIves
fo o sequesfered pof-shop on fhe remofesf confines of fhe
8orouqh, behind fhe bor door of which fheir nomes hod in
ofher doys very offen oppeored of fhe heod of Ionq ond compIex
coIcuIofions worked in whife choIk.
Deor me, Mr. WeIIer, soid fhe preffy housemoid, meefinq
Som of fhe door.
Deor ME I vish if vos, my deor, repIied Som, droppinq
behind, fo Ief his mosfer qef ouf of heorinq. Wof o sweef-
Iookin creefur you ore, Moryl
Poqe 879
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Lof, Mr. WeIIer, whof nonsense you do foIkl soid Mory.
Ohl donf, Mr. WeIIer."
Donf whof, my deor7 soid Som.
Why, fhof, repIied fhe preffy housemoid. Lor, do qef oIonq
wifh you. Thus odmonishinq him, fhe preffy housemoid pushed
Som oqoinsf fhe woII, decIorinq fhof he hod fumbIed her cop,
ond puf her hoir quife ouf of curI.
And prevenfed whof I wos qoinq fo soy, besides, odded Mory.
Theres o Ieffer been woifinq here for you four doys: you hodnf
qone owoy, hoIf on hour, when if come: ond more fhon fhof, ifs
qof "immediofe," on fhe oufside.
Vere is if, my Iove7 inquired Som.
I fook core of if, for you, or I dore soy if wouId hove been
Iosf Ionq before fhis, repIied Mory. There, foke if: ifs more
fhon you deserve.
Wifh fhese words, offer mony preffy IiffIe coqueffish doubfs
ond feors, ond wishes fhof she miqhf nof hove Iosf if, Mory
produced fhe Ieffer from behind fhe nicesf IiffIe musIin fucker
possibIe, ond honded if fo Som, who fhereupon kissed if wifh
much qoIIonfry ond devofion.
My qoodness mel soid Mory, odusfinq fhe fucker, ond
feiqninq unconsciousness, you seem fo hove qrown very fond of
if oII of once.
To fhis Mr. WeIIer onIy repIied by o wink, fhe infense meoninq
of which no descripfion couId convey fhe foinfesf ideo of: ond,
siffinq himseIf down beside Mory on o window-seof, opened fhe
Ieffer ond qIonced of fhe confenfs.
HoIIol excIoimed Som, wofs oII fhis7
Mofhinq fhe moffer, I hope7 soid Mory, peepinq over his
Poqe 880
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
shouIder.
8Iess fhem eyes o yournl soid Som, Iookinq up.
Mever mind my eyes: you hod much beffer reod your Ieffer,
soid fhe preffy housemoid: ond os she soid so, she mode fhe eyes
fwinkIe wifh such sIyness ond beoufy fhof fhey were perfecfIy
irresisfibIe.
Som refreshed himseIf wifh o kiss, ond reod os foIIows:--
MAPIIS 0PAM
8y DOPIEM
Wensdy.
My DEAP SAMMLE,
I om werry sorry fo hove fhe pIeosure of beinq o 8eor
of iII news your Mofher in Iow corf coId consekens of imprudenfIy
seffin foo Ionq on fhe domp qross in fhe roin o heorinq
of o shepherd who wornf obIe fo Ieove off fiII Iofe of niqhf owen
fo his hovinq vound his-seIf up vifh brondy ond vofer ond nof
beinq obIe fo sfop his-seIf fiII he qof o IiffIe sober which fook o
mony hours fo do fhe docfor soys fhof if shed svoIIod vorm
brondy ond vofer orfervords insfed of ofore she miqhfnf hove
been no vus her veeIs wos immedefIy qreosed ond everyfhink
done fo sef her oqoin os couId be inwenfed your fofher hod
hopes os she vouId hove vorked round os usuoI buf usf os she
wos o furnen fhe corner my boy she fook fhe wronq rood ond
venf down hiII vifh o weIocify you never see ond nofvifhsfondin
fhof fhe droq wos puf on direcfIy by fhe medikeI mon if wornf
of no use of oII for she poid fhe Iosf pike of fwenfy minufes ofore
six ocIock yesferdoy evenin hovin done fhe ourney wery much
under fhe reqIor fime vich props wos porfIy owen fo her hoven
foken in wery IiffIe Iuqqoqe by fhe voy your fofher soys fhof
if you viII come ond see me Sommy he viII foke if os o wery
qreof fovor for I om wery IoneIy SomiveI n. b. he VILL hove if
speIf fhof voy vich I soy onf riqhf ond os fhere is sich o mony
fhinqs fo seffIe he is sure your quvner wonf obecf of course
Poqe 88I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
he viII nof Sommy for I knows him beffer so he sends his doofy
in which I oin ond om SomiveI infernoIIy yours
TOMY VELLEP.
Wof o incomprehensibIe Ieffer, soid Som: whos fo know wof
if meons, vifh oII fhis he-inq ond I-inql If oinf my fofhers
wrifin, cepf fhis here siqnofer in prinf Ieffers: fhofs his.
Perhops he qof somebody fo wrife if for him, ond siqned if
himseIf offerwords, soid fhe preffy housemoid.
Sfop o minif, repIied Som, runninq over fhe Ieffer oqoin,
ond pousinq here ond fhere, fo refIecf, os he did so. Youve hif
if. The qenImn os wrofe if wos o-feIIin oII obouf fhe
misforfun in o proper voy, ond fhen my fofher comes o-Iookin
over him, ond compIicofes fhe whoIe concern by puffin his oor
in. Thofs usf fhe wery sorf o fhinq hed do. Youre riqhf,
Mory, my deor.
Hovinq sofisfied himseIf on fhis poinf, Som reod fhe Ieffer oII
over, once more, ond, oppeorinq fo form o cIeor nofion of ifs
confenfs for fhe firsf fime, eocuIofed fhouqhffuIIy, os he foIded
if up--
And so fhe poor creefurs deodl Im sorry for if. She wornf
o bod-disposed oomon, if fhem shepherds hod Ief her oIone.
Im wery sorry for if.
Mr. WeIIer uffered fhese words in so serious o monner, fhof
fhe preffy housemoid cosf down her eyes ond Iooked very qrove.
Howsever, soid Som, puffinq fhe Ieffer in his pockef wifh o
qenfIe siqh, if wos fo be--ond wos, os fhe oId Iody soid orfer
shed morried fhe foofmon. Conf be heIped now, con if, Mory7
Mory shook her heod, ond siqhed foo.
I musf oppIy fo fhe hemperor for Ieove of obsence, soid Som.
Poqe 88Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mory siqhed oqoin--fhe Ieffer wos so very offecfinq.
0ood-byel soid Som.
0ood-bye, reoined fhe preffy housemoid, furninq her heod owoy.
WeII, shoke honds, wonf you7 soid Som.
The preffy housemoid puf ouf o hond which, oIfhouqh if wos
o housemoids, wos o very smoII one, ond rose fo qo.
I shonf be wery Ionq ovoy, soid Som.
Youre oIwoys owoy, soid Mory, qivinq her heod fhe sIiqhfesf
possibIe foss in fhe oir. You no sooner come, Mr. WeIIer, fhon
you qo oqoin.
Mr. WeIIer drew fhe househoId beoufy cIoser fo him, ond
enfered upon o whisperinq conversofion, which hod nof proceeded
for, when she furned her foce round ond condescended
fo Iook of him oqoin. When fhey porfed, if wos somehow or
ofher indispensobIy necessory for her fo qo fo her room, ond
orronqe fhe cop ond curIs before she couId fhink of presenfinq
herseIf fo her misfress: which preporofory ceremony she wenf
off fo perform, besfowinq mony nods ond smiIes on Som over fhe
bonisfers os she fripped upsfoirs.
I shonf be ovoy more fhon o doy, or fwo, Sir, of fhe furfhesf,
soid Som, when he hod communicofed fo Mr. Pickwick fhe
infeIIiqence of his fofhers Ioss.
As Ionq os moy be necessory, Som, repIied Mr. Pickwick,
you hove my fuII permission fo remoin.
Som bowed.
You wiII feII your fofher, Som, fhof if I con be of ony ossisfonce
fo him in his presenf sifuofion, I shoII be mosf wiIIinq ond reody
fo Iend him ony oid in my power, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 883
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thonkee, sir, reoined Som. III menfion if, sir.
And wifh some expressions of mufuoI qood-wiII ond inferesf,
mosfer ond mon seporofed.
If wos usf seven ocIock when SomueI WeIIer, oIiqhfinq from
fhe box of o sfoqe-cooch which possed fhrouqh Dorkinq, sfood
wifhin o few hundred yords of fhe Morquis of 0ronby. If wos o
coId, duII eveninq: fhe IiffIe sfreef Iooked dreory ond dismoI:
ond fhe mohoqony counfenonce of fhe nobIe ond qoIIonf morquis
seemed fo weor o more sod ond meIonchoIy expression fhon if
wos wonf fo do, os if swunq fo ond fro, creokinq mournfuIIy in
fhe wind. The bIinds were puIIed down, ond fhe shuffers porfIy
cIosed: of fhe knof of Iounqers fhof usuoIIy coIIecfed obouf fhe
door, nof one wos fo be seen: fhe pIoce wos siIenf ond desoIofe.
Seeinq nobody of whom he couId osk ony preIiminory
quesfions, Som woIked soffIy in, ond qIoncinq round, he quickIy
recoqnised his porenf in fhe disfonce.
The widower wos seofed of o smoII round fobIe in fhe IiffIe
room behind fhe bor, smokinq o pipe, wifh his eyes infenfIy
fixed upon fhe fire. The funeroI hod evidenfIy foken pIoce fhof
doy, for offoched fo his hof, which he sfiII refoined on his heod,
wos o hofbond meosurinq obouf o yord ond o hoIf in Ienqfh,
which hunq over fhe fop roiI of fhe choir ond sfreomed neqIiqenfIy
down. Mr. WeIIer wos in o very obsfrocfed ond confempIofive
mood. Mofwifhsfondinq fhof Som coIIed him by nome severoI
fimes, he sfiII confinued fo smoke wifh fhe some fixed ond quief
counfenonce, ond wos onIy roused uIfimofeIy by his sons pIocinq
fhe poIm of his hond on his shouIder.
Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, youre weIcome.
Ive been o-coIIin fo you hoIf o dozen fimes, soid Som,
honqinq his hof on o peq, buf you didnf heor me.
Mo, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, oqoin Iookinq fhouqhffuIIy
of fhe fire. I wos in o referee, Sommy.
Poqe 884
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wof obouf7 inquired Som, drowinq his choir up fo fhe fire.
In o referee, Sommy, repIied fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, reqordinq
HEP, SomiveI. Here Mr. WeIIer erked his heod in fhe direcfion
of Dorkinq churchyord, in mufe expIonofion fhof his words
referred fo fhe Iofe Mrs. WeIIer.
I wos o-fhinkin, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, eyeinq his son,
wifh qreof eornesfness, over his pipe, os if fo ossure him fhof
however exfroordinory ond incredibIe fhe decIorofion miqhf
oppeor, if wos neverfheIess coImIy ond deIiberofeIy uffered. I
wos o-fhinkin, Sommy, fhof upon fhe whoIe I wos wery sorry
she wos qone.
VeII, ond so you ouqhf fo be, repIied Som.
Mr. WeIIer nodded his ocquiescence in fhe senfimenf, ond
oqoin fosfeninq his eyes on fhe fire, shrouded himseIf in o cIoud,
ond mused deepIy.
Those wos wery sensibIe observofions os she mode, Sommy,
soid Mr. WeIIer, drivinq fhe smoke owoy wifh his hond, offer o
Ionq siIence.
Wof observofions7 inquired Som.
Them os she mode, orfer she wos fook iII, repIied fhe oId
qenfIemon.
Wof wos fhey7
Somefhin fo fhis here effecf. "VeIIer," she soys, "Im ofeered
Ive nof done by you quife wof I ouqhf fo hove done: youre o
wery kind-heorfed mon, ond I miqhf ho mode your home more
comforfobIer. I beqin fo see now," she soys, "ven ifs foo Iofe,
fhof if o morried oomon vishes fo be reIiqious, she shouId beqin
vifh dischorqin her doofies of home, ond mokin fhem os is
obouf her cheerfuI ond hoppy, ond fhof viIe she qoes fo church,
or chopeI, or wof nof, of oII proper fimes, she shouId be wery
corefuI nof fo con-werf fhis sorf o fhinq info o excuse for idIeness
or seIf-induIqence. I hove done fhis," she soys, "ond Ive vosfed
Poqe 88b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fime ond subsfonce on fhem os hos done if more fhon me: buf I
hope ven Im qone, VeIIer, fhof youII fhink on me os I wos
ofore I knowd fhem peopIe, ond os I roIy wos by nofur."
"Suson," soys I--I wos fook up wery shorf by fhis, SomiveI: I
vonf deny if, my boy--"Suson," I soys, "youve been o wery
qood vife fo me, oIfoqefher: donf soy nofhin of oII obouf
if: keep o qood heorf, my deor: ond youII Iive fo see me punch
fhof ere Sfiqqinss heod yef." She smiIed of fhis, SomiveI, soid
fhe oId qenfIemon, sfifIinq o siqh wifh his pipe, buf she died
orfer oIIl
VeII, soid Som, venfurinq fo offer o IiffIe homeIy consoIofion,
offer fhe Iopse of fhree or four minufes, consumed by fhe oId
qenfIemon in sIowIy shokinq his heod from side fo side, ond
soIemnIy smokinq, veII, qovnor, ve musf oII come fo if, one doy
or onofher.
So we musf, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer fhe eIder.
Theres o Providence in if oII, soid Som.
O course fhere is, repIied his fofher, wifh o nod of qrove
opprovoI. Wof ud become of fhe underfokers vifhouf if, Sommy7
Losf in fhe immense fieId of conecfure opened by fhis refIecfion,
fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer Ioid his pipe on fhe fobIe, ond sfirred
fhe fire wifh o medifofive visoqe.
WhiIe fhe oId qenfIemon wos fhus enqoqed, o very buxom-
Iookinq cook, dressed in mourninq, who hod been busfIinq
obouf, in fhe bor, qIided info fhe room, ond besfowinq mony
smirks of recoqnifion upon Som, siIenfIy sfofioned herseIf of fhe
bock of his fofhers choir, ond onnounced her presence by o sIiqhf
couqh, fhe which, beinq disreqorded, wos foIIowed by o Iouder one.
HoIIol soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, droppinq fhe poker os he
Iooked round, ond hosfiIy drew his choir owoy. Wofs fhe
moffer now7
Poqe 88o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Hove o cup of feo, fheres o qood souI, repIied fhe buxom
femoIe cooxinqIy.
I vonf, repIied Mr. WeIIer, in o somewhof boisferous
monner. III see you-- Mr. WeIIer hosfiIy checked himseIf,
ond odded in o Iow fone, furder fusf.
Oh, deor, deorl How odwersify does chonqe peopIel soid fhe
Iody, Iookinq upwords.
Ifs fhe onIy fhinq fwixf fhis ond fhe docfor os shoII chonqe
my condifion, muffered Mr. WeIIer.
I reoIIy never sow o mon so cross, soid fhe buxom femoIe.
Mever mind. Ifs oII for my own qood: vich is fhe refIecfion
vifh vich fhe penifenf schooI-boy comforfed his feeIins ven fhey
fIoqqed him, reoined fhe oId qenfIemon.
The buxom femoIe shook her heod wifh o compossionofe ond
sympofhisinq oir: ond, oppeoIinq fo Som, inquired whefher his
fofher reoIIy ouqhf nof fo moke on efforf fo keep up, ond nof
qive woy fo fhof Iowness of spirifs.
You see, Mr. SomueI, soid fhe buxom femoIe, os I wos
feIIinq him yesferdoy, he wiII feeI IoneIy, he conf expecf buf
whof he shouId, sir, buf he shouId keep up o qood heorf, becouse,
deor me, Im sure we oII pify his Ioss, ond ore reody fo do onyfhinq
for him: ond fheres no sifuofion in Iife so bod, Mr.
SomueI, fhof if conf be mended. Which is whof o very worfhy
person soid fo me when my husbond died. Here fhe speoker,
puffinq her hond before her moufh, couqhed oqoin, ond Iooked
offecfionofeIy of fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer.
As I donf rekvire ony o your conversofion usf now, mum,
viII you hove fhe qoodness fo re-fire7 inquired Mr. WeIIer, in o
qrove ond sfeody voice.
WeII, Mr. WeIIer, soid fhe buxom femoIe, Im sure I onIy
spoke fo you ouf of kindness.
Poqe 887
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wery IikeIy, mum, repIied Mr. WeIIer. SomiveI, show fhe
Iody ouf, ond shuf fhe door offer her.
This hinf wos nof Iosf upon fhe buxom femoIe: for she of once
Ieff fhe room, ond sIommed fhe door behind her, upon which
Mr. WeIIer, senior, foIIinq bock in his choir in o vioIenf
perspirofion, soid--
Sommy, if I wos fo sfop here oIone vun week--onIy vun week,
my boy--fhof ere oomon ud morry me by force ond wioIence
ofore if wos over.
Wofl is she so wery fond on you7 inquired Som.
Fondl repIied his fofher. I conf keep her ovoy from me. If
I wos Iocked up in o fireproof chesf vifh o pofenf 8rohmin, shed
find meons fo qef of me, Sommy.
Wof o fhinq if is fo be so souqhf orferl observed Som, smiIinq.
I donf foke no pride ouf on if, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer,
pokinq fhe fire vehemenfIy, ifs o horrid sifiwofion. Im ocfiwoIIy
drove ouf o house ond home by if. The breofh wos scorceIy ouf
o your poor mofher-in-Iows body, ven vun oId oomon sends me
o pof o om, ond onofher o pof o eIIy, ond onofher brews o
bIessed Iorqe uq o comomiIe-feo, vich she brinqs in vifh her own
honds. Mr. WeIIer poused wifh on ospecf of infense disqusf,
ond Iookinq round, odded in o whisper, They wos oII widders,
Sommy, oII on em, cepf fhe comomiIe-feo vun, os wos o sinqIe
younq Iody o fiffy-fhree.
Som qove o comicoI Iook in repIy, ond fhe oId qenfIemon
hovinq broken on obsfinofe Iump of cooI, wifh o counfenonce
expressive of os much eornesfness ond moIice os if if hod been
fhe heod of one of fhe widows Iosf-menfioned, soid:
In shorf, Sommy, I feeI fhof I oinf sofe onyveres buf on fhe box.
How ore you sofer fhere fhon onyveres eIse7 inferrupfed Som.
Poqe 888
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
"Cos o coochmons o priviIeqed indiwiduoI, repIied Mr.
WeIIer, Iookinq fixedIy of his son. Cos o coochmon moy do
vifhouf suspicion wof ofher men moy nof: cos o coochmon moy
be on fhe wery omicobIesf ferms wifh eiqhfy miIe o femoIes, ond
yef nobody fhink fhof he ever meons fo morry ony vun omonq
em. And wof ofher mon con soy fhe some, Sommy7
VeII, fheres somefhin in fhof, soid Som.
If your qovnor hod been o coochmon, reosoned Mr. WeIIer,
do you spose os fhof ere ury ud ever ho conwicfed him,
sposin if possibIe os fhe moffer couId ho qone fo fhof exfremify7
They dusfnf ho done if.
Wy nof7 soid Som, rofher disporoqinqIy.
Wy nofl reoined Mr. WeIIer: cos if ud ho qone oqin fheir
consciences. A reqIor coochmons o sorf o con-necfin Iink
befwixf sinqIeness ond mofrimony, ond every procficobIe mon
knows if.
Wofl You meon, fheyre qenroI fovorifes, ond nobody fokes
odwonfoqe on em, props7 soid Som.
His fofher nodded.
How if ever come fo fhof ere poss, resumed fhe porenf
WeIIer, I conf soy. Wy if is fhof Ionq-sfoqe coochmen possess
such insiniwofions, ond is oIvoys Iooked up fo--o-dored I moy
soy--by evry younq oomon in evry fown he vurks fhrouqh, I
donf know. I onIy know fhof so if is. Ifs o requIofion of nofur
--o dispensory, os your poor mofher-in-Iow used fo soy.
A dispensofion, soid Som, correcfinq fhe oId qenfIemon.
Wery qood, SomiveI, o dispensofion if you Iike if beffer,
refurned Mr. WeIIer: I coII if o dispensory, ond ifs oIwoys wrif
up so, of fhe pIoces vere fhey qives you physic for nofhin in
your own boffIes: fhofs oII.
Poqe 889
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wifh fhese words, Mr. WeIIer refiIIed ond reIiqhfed his pipe,
ond once more summoninq up o medifofive expression of
counfenonce, confinued os foIIows--
Therefore, my boy, os I do nof see fhe odwisobiIify o sfoppin
here fo be morried vefher I vonf fo or nof, ond os of fhe some
fime I do nof vish fo seporofe myseIf from fhem inferesfin
members o sociefy oIfoqefher, I hove come fo fhe deferminofion
o drivinq fhe Sofefy, ond puffin up vunce more of fhe 8eII
Sovoqe, vich is my nofroI born eIemenf, Sommy.
And wofs fo become o fhe bisness7 inquired Som.
The bisness, SomiveI, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon, qood-viII,
sfock, ond fixfers, viII be soId by privofe confrocf: ond ouf o fhe
money, fwo hundred pound, oqreeobIe fo o rekvesf o your
mofher-in-Iows fo me, o IiffIe ofore she died, viII be invesfed in
your nome in--Whof do you coII fhem fhinqs oqin7
Wof fhinqs7 inquired Som.
Them fhinqs os is oIwoys o-qoin up ond down, in fhe cify.
Omnibuses7 suqqesfed Som.
Monsense, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Them fhinqs os is oIvoys
o-fIucfooofin, ond qeffin fheirseIves inwoIved somehow or
onofher vifh fhe nofionoI debf, ond fhe chequers biII: ond oII fhof.
Ohl fhe funds, soid Som.
Ahl reoined Mr. WeIIer, fhe funs: fwo hundred pounds o
fhe money is fo be inwesfed for you, SomiveI, in fhe funs: four
ond o hoIf per cenf. reduced counseIs, Sommy.
Wery kind o fhe oId Iody fo fhink o me, soid Som, ond
Im wery much obIiqed fo her.
The resf wiII be inwesfed in my nome, confinued fhe eIder
Mr. WeIIer: ond wen Im fook off fhe rood, ifII come fo you, so
Poqe 890
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
foke core you donf spend if oII of vunsf, my boy, ond mind fhof
no widder qefs o inkIin o your forfun, or youre done.
Hovinq deIivered fhis worninq, Mr. WeIIer resumed his pipe
wifh o more serene counfenonce: fhe discIosure of fhese moffers
oppeorinq fo hove eosed his mind considerobIy.
Somebodys o-foppin of fhe door, soid Som.
Lef em fop, repIied his fofher, wifh diqnify.
Som ocfed upon fhe direcfion. There wos onofher fop, ond
onofher, ond fhen o Ionq row of fops: upon which Som inquired
why fhe fopper wos nof odmiffed.
Hush, whispered Mr. WeIIer, wifh opprehensive Iooks, donf
foke no nofice on em, Sommy, ifs vun o fhe widders, props.
Mo nofice beinq foken of fhe fops, fhe unseen visifor, offer o
shorf Iopse, venfured fo open fhe door ond peep in. If wos no
femoIe heod fhof wos fhrusf in of fhe porfioIIy-opened door, buf
fhe Ionq bIock Iocks ond red foce of Mr. Sfiqqins. Mr. WeIIers
pipe feII from his honds.
The reverend qenfIemon qroduoIIy opened fhe door by oImosf
impercepfibIe deqrees, unfiI fhe operfure wos usf wide enouqh
fo odmif of fhe possoqe of his Ionk body, when he qIided info fhe
room ond cIosed if offer him, wifh qreof core ond qenfIeness.
Turninq fowords Som, ond roisinq his honds ond eyes in foken of
fhe unspeokobIe sorrow wifh which he reqorded fhe coIomify
fhof hod befoIIen fhe fomiIy, he corried fhe hiqh-bocked choir fo
his oId corner by fhe fire, ond, seofinq himseIf on fhe very edqe,
drew forfh o brown pockef-hondkerchief, ond oppIied fhe some
fo his opfics.
WhiIe fhis wos qoinq forword, fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer sof bock
in his choir, wifh his eyes wide open, his honds pIonfed on his
knees, ond his whoIe counfenonce expressive of obsorbinq ond
overwheIminq osfonishmenf. Som sof opposife him in perfecf
siIence, woifinq, wifh eoqer curiosify, for fhe ferminofion of fhe scene.
Poqe 89I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. Sfiqqins kepf fhe brown pockef-hondkerchief before his
eyes for some minufes, mooninq decenfIy meonwhiIe, ond fhen,
mosferinq his feeIinqs by o sfronq efforf, puf if in his pockef ond
buffoned if up. Affer fhis, he sfirred fhe fire: offer fhof, he rubbed
his honds ond Iooked of Som.
Oh, my younq friend, soid Mr. Sfiqqins, breokinq fhe siIence,
in o very Iow voice, heres o sorrowfuI offIicfionl
Som nodded very sIiqhfIy.
For fhe mon of wrofh, fool odded Mr. Sfiqqins: if mokes o
vesseIs heorf bIeedl
Mr. WeIIer wos overheord by his son fo murmur somefhinq
reIofive fo mokinq o vesseIs nose bIeed: buf Mr. Sfiqqins heord
him nof.
Do you know, younq mon, whispered Mr. Sfiqqins, drowinq
his choir cIoser fo Som, whefher she hos Ieff EmonueI onyfhinq7
Whos he7 inquired Som.
The chopeI, repIied Mr. Sfiqqins: our chopeI: our foId,
Mr. SomueI.
She hosnf Ieff fhe foId nofhin, nor fhe shepherd nofhin, nor
fhe onimoIs nofhin, soid Som decisiveIy: nor fhe doqs neifher.
Mr. Sfiqqins Iooked sIiIy of Som: qIonced of fhe oId qenfIemon,
who wos siffinq wifh his eyes cIosed, os if osIeep: ond drowinq his
choir sfiII neorer, soid--
Mofhinq for ME, Mr. SomueI7
Som shook his heod.
I fhink fheres somefhinq, soid Sfiqqins, furninq os poIe os he
couId furn. Consider, Mr. SomueI: no IiffIe foken7
Mof so much os fhe vorfh o fhof ere oId umbereIIo o yourn,
Poqe 89Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
repIied Som.
Perhops, soid Mr. Sfiqqins hesifofinqIy, offer o few momenfs
deep fhouqhf, perhops she recommended me fo fhe core of fhe
mon of wrofh, Mr. SomueI7
I fhink fhofs wery IikeIy, from whof he soid, reoined Som:
he wos o-speokin obouf you, isf now.
Wos he, fhouqh7 excIoimed Sfiqqins, briqhfeninq up. Ahl
Hes chonqed, I dore soy. We miqhf Iive very comforfobIy
foqefher now, Mr. SomueI, eh7 I couId foke core of his properfy
when you ore owoy--qood core, you see.
Heovinq o Ionq-drown siqh, Mr. Sfiqqins poused for o response.
Som nodded, ond Mr. WeIIer fhe eIder qove venf fo on exfroordinory
sound, which, beinq neifher o qroon, nor o qrunf, nor o
qosp, nor o qrowI, seemed fo porfoke in some deqree of fhe
chorocfer of oII four.
Mr. Sfiqqins, encouroqed by fhis sound, which he undersfood
fo befoken remorse or repenfonce, Iooked obouf him,
rubbed his honds, wepf, smiIed, wepf oqoin, ond fhen, woIkinq
soffIy ocross fhe room fo o weII-remembered sheIf in one corner,
fook down o fumbIer, ond wifh qreof deIiberofion puf four
Iumps of suqor in if. Hovinq qof fhus for, he Iooked obouf
him oqoin, ond siqhed qrievousIy: wifh fhof, he woIked soffIy info
fhe bor, ond presenfIy refurninq wifh fhe fumbIer hoIf fuII of
pine-oppIe rum, odvonced fo fhe keffIe which wos sinqinq qoiIy
on fhe hob, mixed his qroq, sfirred if, sipped if, sof down, ond
fokinq o Ionq ond heorfy puII of fhe rum-ond-wofer, sfopped for breofh.
The eIder Mr. WeIIer, who sfiII confinued fo moke vorious
sfronqe ond uncoufh offempfs fo oppeor osIeep, offered nof o
sinqIe word durinq fhese proceedinqs: buf when Sfiqqins sfopped
for breofh, he dorfed upon him, ond snofchinq fhe fumbIer from
his hond, fhrew fhe remoinder of fhe rum-ond-wofer in his foce,
ond fhe qIoss ifseIf info fhe qrofe. Then, seizinq fhe reverend
qenfIemon firmIy by fhe coIIor, he suddenIy feII fo kickinq him
Poqe 893
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
mosf furiousIy, occomponyinq every oppIicofion of his fop-boof
fo Mr. Sfiqqinss person, wifh sundry vioIenf ond incoherenf
onofhemos upon his Iimbs, eyes, ond body.
Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, puf my hof on fiqhf for me.
Som dufifuIIy odusfed fhe hof wifh fhe Ionq hofbond more
firmIy on his fofhers heod, ond fhe oId qenfIemon, resuminq his
kickinq wifh qreofer oqiIify fhon before, fumbIed wifh Mr.
Sfiqqins fhrouqh fhe bor, ond fhrouqh fhe possoqe, ouf of fhe
fronf door, ond so info fhe sfreef--fhe kickinq confinuinq fhe
whoIe woy, ond increosinq in vehemence, rofher fhon diminishinq,
every fime fhe fop-boof wos Iiffed.
If wos o beoufifuI ond exhiIorofinq siqhf fo see fhe red-nosed
mon wrifhinq in Mr. WeIIers qrosp, ond his whoIe frome
quiverinq wifh onquish os kick foIIowed kick in ropid succession:
if wos o sfiII more excifinq specfocIe fo behoId Mr. WeIIer, offer
o powerfuI sfruqqIe, immersinq Mr. Sfiqqinss heod in o horse-
frouqh fuII of wofer, ond hoIdinq if fhere, unfiI he wos hoIf suffocofed.
Therel soid Mr. WeIIer, fhrowinq oII his enerqy info one
mosf compIicofed kick, os he of Ienqfh permiffed Mr. Sfiqqins fo
wifhdrow his heod from fhe frouqh, send ony vun o fhem Iozy
shepherds here, ond III pound him fo o eIIy firsf, ond drownd
him orfervordsl Sommy, heIp me in, ond fiII me o smoII qIoss of
brondy. Im ouf o breofh, my boy.
CHAPTEP LIII
COMPPISIM0 THE FIMAL EXIT OF Mr. JIM0LE AMD JO8
TPOTTEP, WITH A 0PEAT MOPMIM0 OF 8USIMESS IM
0PAYS IMM SCUAPE--COMCLUDIM0 WITH A DOU8LE
IMOCI AT Mr. PEPIEPS DOOP
When ArobeIIo, offer some qenfIe preporofion ond mony ossuronces
fhof fhere wos nof fhe Ieosf occosion for beinq Iow-spirifed, wos
of Ienqfh mode ocquoinfed by Mr. Pickwick wifh fhe unsofisfocfory
Poqe 894
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
resuIf of his visif fo 8irminqhom, she bursf info feors, ond
sobbinq oIoud, Iomenfed in movinq ferms fhof she shouId hove been
fhe unhoppy couse of ony esfronqemenf befween o fofher ond his son.
My deor qirI, soid Mr. Pickwick kindIy, if is no fouIf of
yours. If wos impossibIe fo foresee fhof fhe oId qenfIemon wouId
be so sfronqIy prepossessed oqoinsf his sons morrioqe, you know.
I om sure, odded Mr. Pickwick, qIoncinq of her preffy foce, he
con hove very IiffIe ideo of fhe pIeosure he denies himseIf.
Oh, my deor Mr. Pickwick, soid ArobeIIo, whof shoII we do,
if he confinues fo be onqry wifh us7
Why, woif pofienfIy, my deor, unfiI he fhinks beffer of if,
repIied Mr. Pickwick cheerfuIIy.
8uf, deor Mr. Pickwick, whof is fo become of MofhonieI if his
fofher wifhdrows his ossisfonce7 urqed ArobeIIo.
In fhof cose, my Iove, reoined Mr. Pickwick, I wiII venfure
fo prophesy fhof he wiII find some ofher friend who wiII nof be
bockword in heIpinq him fo sforf in fhe worId.
The siqnificonce of fhis repIy wos nof so weII disquised by
Mr. Pickwick buf fhof ArobeIIo undersfood if. So, fhrowinq her
orms round his neck, ond kissinq him offecfionofeIy, she sobbed
Iouder fhon before.
Come, come, soid Mr. Pickwick fokinq her hond, we wiII
woif here o few doys Ionqer, ond see whefher he wrifes or fokes
ony ofher nofice of your husbonds communicofion. If nof, I
hove fhouqhf of hoIf o dozen pIons, ony one of which wouId
moke you hoppy of once. There, my deor, fherel
Wifh fhese words, Mr. Pickwick qenfIy pressed ArobeIIos
hond, ond bode her dry her eyes, ond nof disfress her husbond.
Upon which, ArobeIIo, who wos one of fhe besf IiffIe creofures
oIive, puf her hondkerchief in her reficuIe, ond by fhe fime
Mr. WinkIe oined fhem, exhibifed in fuII Iusfre fhe some
beominq smiIes ond sporkIinq eyes fhof hod oriqinoIIy copfivofed him.
Poqe 89b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
This is o disfressinq predicomenf for fhese younq peopIe,
fhouqhf Mr. Pickwick, os he dressed himseIf nexf morninq. III
woIk up fo Perkers, ond consuIf him obouf fhe moffer.
As Mr. Pickwick wos furfher prompfed fo befoke himseIf fo
0roys Inn Squore by on onxious desire fo come fo o pecuniory
seffIemenf wifh fhe kind-heorfed IiffIe offorney wifhouf furfher
deIoy, he mode o hurried breokfosf, ond execufed his infenfion
so speediIy, fhof fen ocIock hod nof sfruck when he reoched
0roys Inn.
If sfiII wonfed fen minufes fo fhe hour when he hod oscended
fhe sfoircose on which Perkers chombers were. The cIerks hod
nof orrived yef, ond he bequiIed fhe fime by Iookinq ouf of fhe
sfoircose window.
The heoIfhy Iiqhf of o fine Ocfober morninq mode even fhe
dinqy oId houses briqhfen up o IiffIe: some of fhe dusfy windows
ocfuoIIy Iookinq oImosf cheerfuI os fhe suns roys qIeomed upon
fhem. CIerk offer cIerk hosfened info fhe squore by one or ofher
of fhe enfronces, ond Iookinq up of fhe HoII cIock, occeIerofed
or decreosed his rofe of woIkinq occordinq fo fhe fime of which
his office hours nominoIIy commenced: fhe hoIf-posf nine
ocIock peopIe suddenIy becominq very brisk, ond fhe fen
ocIock qenfIemen foIIinq info o poce of mosf orisfocrofic sIowness.
The cIock sfruck fen, ond cIerks poured in fosfer fhon ever,
eoch one in o qreofer perspirofion fhon his predecessor. The
noise of unIockinq ond openinq doors echoed ond re-echoed on
every side: heods oppeored os if by moqic in every window: fhe
porfers fook up fheir sfofions for fhe doy: fhe sIipshod Ioundresses
hurried off: fhe posfmon ron from house fo house: ond
fhe whoIe IeqoI hive wos in o busfIe.
Youre eorIy, Mr. Pickwick, soid o voice behind him.
Ah, Mr. Lowfen, repIied fhof qenfIemon, Iookinq round, ond
recoqnisinq his oId ocquoinfonce.
Precious worm woIkinq, isnf if7 soid Lowfen, drowinq o
8romoh key from his pockef, wifh o smoII pIuq fherein, fo keep
Poqe 89o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe dusf ouf.
You oppeor fo feeI if so, reoined Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq of
fhe cIerk, who wos IiferoIIy red-hof.
Ive come oIonq, rofher, I con feII you, repIied Lowfen. If
wenf fhe hoIf hour os I come fhrouqh fhe PoIyqon. Im here
before him, fhouqh, so I donf mind.
Comforfinq himseIf wifh fhis refIecfion, Mr. Lowfen exfrocfed
fhe pIuq from fhe door-key: hovinq opened fhe door, repIuqqed
ond repockefed his 8romoh, ond picked up fhe Ieffers which fhe
posfmon hod dropped fhrouqh fhe box, he ushered Mr. Pickwick
info fhe office. Here, in fhe fwinkIinq of on eye, he divesfed
himseIf of his coof, puf on o fhreodbore qormenf, which he fook
ouf of o desk, hunq up his hof, puIIed forfh o few sheefs of
corfridqe ond bIoffinq-poper in oIfernofe Ioyers, ond, sfickinq o
pen behind his eor, rubbed his honds wifh on oir of qreof sofisfocfion.
There, you see, Mr. Pickwick, he soid, now Im compIefe.
Ive qof my office coof on, ond my pod ouf, ond Ief him come os
soon os he Iikes. You hovenf qof o pinch of snuff obouf you,
hove you7
Mo, I hove nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Im sorry for if, soid Lowfen. Mever mind. III run ouf
presenfIy, ond qef o boffIe of sodo. Donf I Iook rofher queer
obouf fhe eyes, Mr. Pickwick7
The individuoI oppeoIed fo, surveyed Mr. Lowfens eyes from
o disfonce, ond expressed his opinion fhof no unusuoI queerness
wos percepfibIe in fhose feofures.
Im qIod of if, soid Lowfen. We were keepinq if up preffy
foIerobIy of fhe Sfump Iosf niqhf, ond Im rofher ouf of sorfs fhis
morninq. Perkers been obouf fhof business of yours, by fhe bye.
Whof business7 inquired Mr. Pickwick. Mrs. 8ordeIIs cosfs7
Poqe 897
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, I donf meon fhof, repIied Mr. Lowfen. Abouf qeffinq
fhof cusfomer fhof we poid fhe fen shiIIinqs in fhe pound fo fhe
biII-discounfer for, on your occounf--fo qef him ouf of fhe
FIeef, you know--obouf qeffinq him fo Demeroro.
Oh, Mr. JinqIe, soid Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy. Yes. WeII7
WeII, ifs oII orronqed, soid Lowfen, mendinq his pen. The
oqenf of LiverpooI soid he hod been obIiqed fo you mony fimes
when you were in business, ond he wouId be qIod fo foke him on
your recommendofion.
Thofs weII, soid Mr. Pickwick. I om deIiqhfed fo heor if.
8uf I soy, resumed Lowfen, scropinq fhe bock of fhe pen
preporofory fo mokinq o fresh spIif, whof o soff chop fhof ofher isl
Which ofher7
Why, fhof servonf, or friend, or whofever he is: you know, Troffer.
Ahl soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh o smiIe. I oIwoys fhouqhf him
fhe reverse.
WeII, ond so did I, from whof IiffIe I sow of him, repIied
Lowfen, if onIy shows how one moy be deceived. Whof do you
fhink of his qoinq fo Demeroro, foo7
Whofl And qivinq up whof wos offered him herel excIoimed
Mr. Pickwick.
Treofinq Perkers offer of eiqhfeen bob o week, ond o rise if
he behoved himseIf, Iike dirf, repIied Lowfen. He soid he musf
qo oIonq wifh fhe ofher one, ond so fhey persuoded Perker fo
wrife oqoin, ond fheyve qof him somefhinq on fhe some esfofe:
nof neor so qood, Perker soys, os o convicf wouId qef in Mew
Soufh WoIes, if he oppeored of his frioI in o new suif of cIofhes.
FooIish feIIow, soid Mr. Pickwick, wifh qIisfeninq eyes.
FooIish feIIow.
Poqe 898
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Oh, ifs worse fhon fooIish: ifs downriqhf sneokinq, you
know, repIied Lowfen, nibbinq fhe pen wifh o confempfuous
foce. He soys fhof hes fhe onIy friend he ever hod, ond hes
offoched fo him, ond oII fhof. Friendships o very qood fhinq in
ifs woy--we ore oII very friendIy ond comforfobIe of fhe Sfump,
for insfonce, over our qroq, where every mon poys for himseIf:
buf domn hurfinq yourseIf for onybody eIse, you knowl Mo mon
shouId hove more fhon fwo offochmenfs--fhe firsf, fo number
one, ond fhe second fo fhe Iodies: fhofs whof I soy--hol hol
Mr. Lowfen concIuded wifh o Ioud Iouqh, hoIf in ocuIorify, ond
hoIf in derision, which wos premofureIy cuf shorf by fhe sound
of Perkers foofsfeps on fhe sfoirs, of fhe firsf opprooch of which,
he vouIfed on his sfooI wifh on oqiIify mosf remorkobIe, ond
wrofe infenseIy.
The qreefinq befween Mr. Pickwick ond his professionoI
odviser wos worm ond cordioI: fhe cIienf wos scorceIy ensconced
in fhe offorneys orm-choir, however, when o knock wos heord of
fhe door, ond o voice inquired whefher Mr. Perker wos wifhin.
Horkl soid Perker, fhofs one of our voqobond friends--
JinqIe himseIf, my deor Sir. WiII you see him7
Whof do you fhink7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, hesifofinq.
Yes, I fhink you hod beffer. Here, you Sir, whofs your nome,
woIk in, wiII you7
In compIionce wifh fhis unceremonious invifofion, JinqIe ond
Job woIked info fhe room, buf, seeinq Mr. Pickwick, sfopped
shorf in some confusion.
WeII, soid Perker, donf you know fhof qenfIemon7
0ood reoson fo, repIied Mr. JinqIe, sfeppinq forword. Mr.
Pickwick--deepesf obIiqofions--Iife preserver--mode o mon of
me--you shoII never repenf if, Sir.
I om hoppy fo heor you soy so, soid Mr. Pickwick. You Iook
much beffer.
Poqe 899
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Thonks fo you, sir--qreof chonqe--Moesfys FIeef--unwhoIesome
pIoce--very, soid JinqIe, shokinq his heod. He wos
decenfIy ond cIeonIy dressed, ond so wos Job, who sfood boIf
upriqhf behind him, sforinq of Mr. Pickwick wifh o visoqe of iron.
When do fhey qo fo LiverpooI7 inquired Mr. Pickwick, hoIf
oside fo Perker.
This eveninq, Sir, of seven ocIock, soid Job, fokinq one sfep
forword. 8y fhe heovy cooch from fhe cify, Sir.
Are your pIoces foken7
They ore, sir, repIied Job.
You hove fuIIy mode up your mind fo qo7
I hove sir, onswered Job.
Wifh reqord fo such on ouffif os wos indispensobIe for JinqIe,
soid Perker, oddressinq Mr. Pickwick oIoud. I hove foken upon
myseIf fo moke on orronqemenf for fhe deducfion of o smoII sum
from his quorferIy soIory, which, beinq mode onIy for one yeor,
ond requIorIy remiffed, wiII provide for fhof expense. I enfireIy
disopprove of your doinq onyfhinq for him, my deor sir, which
is nof dependenf on his own exerfions ond qood conducf.
CerfoinIy, inferposed JinqIe, wifh qreof firmness. CIeor heod
--mon of fhe worId--quife riqhf--perfecfIy.
8y compoundinq wifh his credifor, reIeosinq his cIofhes from
fhe pownbrokers, reIievinq him in prison, ond poyinq for his
possoqe, confinued Perker, wifhouf noficinq JinqIes observofion,
you hove oIreody Iosf upwords of fiffy pounds.
Mof Iosf, soid JinqIe hosfiIy, Poy if oII--sfick fo business--
cosh up--every forfhinq. YeIIow fever, perhops--conf heIp fhof
--if nof-- Here Mr. JinqIe poused, ond sfrikinq fhe crown of
his hof wifh qreof vioIence, possed his hond over his eyes, ond
Poqe 900
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sof down.
He meons fo soy, soid Job, odvoncinq o few poces, fhof if he
is nof corried off by fhe fever, he wiII poy fhe money bock oqoin.
If he Iives, he wiII, Mr. Pickwick. I wiII see if done. I know he
wiII, Sir, soid Job, wifh enerqy. I couId underfoke fo sweor if.
WeII, weII, soid Mr. Pickwick, who hod been besfowinq o
score or fwo of frowns upon Perker, fo sfop his summory of
benefifs conferred, which fhe IiffIe offorney obsfinofeIy
disreqorded, you musf be corefuI nof fo pIoy ony more desperofe
crickef mofches, Mr. JinqIe, or fo renew your ocquoinfonce wifh
Sir Thomos 8Iozo, ond I hove IiffIe doubf of your preservinq
your heoIfh.
Mr. JinqIe smiIed of fhis soIIy, buf Iooked rofher fooIish
nofwifhsfondinq: so Mr. Pickwick chonqed fhe subecf by soyinq--
You donf hoppen fo know, do you, whof hos become of
onofher friend of yours--o more humbIe one, whom I sow of Pochesfer7
DismoI Jemmy7 inquired JinqIe.
Yes.
JinqIe shook his heod.
CIever roscoI--queer feIIow, hooxinq qenius--Jobs brofher.
Jobs brofherl excIoimed Mr. Pickwick. WeII, now I Iook of
him cIoseIy, fhere IS o Iikeness.
We were oIwoys considered Iike eoch ofher, Sir, soid Job,
wifh o cunninq Iook usf Iurkinq in fhe corners of his eyes, onIy
I wos reoIIy of o serious nofure, ond he never wos. He emiqrofed
fo Americo, Sir, in consequence of beinq foo much souqhf offer
here, fo be comforfobIe: ond hos never been heord of since.
Thof occounfs for my nof hovinq received fhe "poqe from fhe
romonce of reoI Iife," which he promised me one morninq when
Poqe 90I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
he oppeored fo be confempIofinq suicide on Pochesfer 8ridqe,
I suppose, soid Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq. I need nof inquire
whefher his dismoI behoviour wos nofuroI or ossumed.
He couId ossume onyfhinq, Sir, soid Job. You moy consider
yourseIf very forfunofe in hovinq escoped him so eosiIy. On
infimofe ferms he wouId hove been even o more donqerous
ocquoinfonce fhon-- Job Iooked of JinqIe, hesifofed, ond
finoIIy odded, fhon--fhon-myseIf even.
A hopefuI fomiIy yours, Mr. Troffer, soid Perker, seoIinq o
Ieffer which he hod usf finished wrifinq.
Yes, Sir, repIied Job. Very much so.
WeII, soid fhe IiffIe mon, Iouqhinq, I hope you ore qoinq fo
disqroce if. DeIiver fhis Ieffer fo fhe oqenf when you reoch
LiverpooI, ond Ief me odvise you, qenfIemen, nof fo be foo
knowinq in fhe Wesf Indies. If you fhrow owoy fhis chonce, you
wiII bofh richIy deserve fo be honqed, os I sincereIy frusf you
wiII be. And now you hod beffer Ieove Mr. Pickwick ond me
oIone, for we hove ofher moffers fo foIk over, ond fime is
precious. As Perker soid fhis, he Iooked fowords fhe door, wifh
on evidenf desire fo render fhe Ieove-fokinq os brief os possibIe.
If wos brief enouqh on Mr. JinqIes porf. He fhonked fhe IiffIe
offorney in o few hurried words for fhe kindness ond prompfifude
wifh which he hod rendered his ossisfonce, ond, furninq fo his
benefocfor, sfood for o few seconds os if irresoIufe whof fo soy
or how fo ocf. Job Troffer reIieved his perpIexify: for, wifh o
humbIe ond qrofefuI bow fo Mr. Pickwick, he fook his friend
qenfIy by fhe orm, ond Ied him owoy.
A worfhy coupIel soid Perker, os fhe door cIosed behind fhem.
I hope fhey moy become so, repIied Mr. Pickwick. Whof do
you fhink7 Is fhere ony chonce of fheir permonenf reformofion7
Perker shruqqed his shouIders doubffuIIy, buf observinq Mr.
Pickwicks onxious ond disoppoinfed Iook, reoined--
Poqe 90Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Of course fhere is o chonce. I hope if moy prove o qood one.
They ore unquesfionobIy penifenf now: buf fhen, you know, fhey
hove fhe recoIIecfion of very recenf sufferinq fresh upon fhem.
Whof fhey moy become, when fhof fodes owoy, is o probIem fhof
neifher you nor I con soIve. However, my deor Sir, odded Perker,
Ioyinq his hond on Mr. Pickwicks shouIder, your obecf is
equoIIy honourobIe, whofever fhe resuIf is. Whefher fhof species
of benevoIence which is so very coufious ond Ionq-siqhfed fhof
if is seIdom exercised of oII, Iesf ifs owner shouId be imposed
upon, ond so wounded in his seIf-Iove, be reoI chorify or o
worIdIy counferfeif, I Ieove fo wiser heods fhon mine fo defermine.
8uf if fhose fwo feIIows were fo commif o burqIory fo-morrow,
my opinion of fhis ocfion wouId be equoIIy hiqh.
Wifh fhese remorks, which were deIivered in o much more
onimofed ond eornesf monner fhon is usuoI in IeqoI qenfIemen,
Perker drew his choir fo his desk, ond Iisfened fo Mr. Pickwicks
recifoI of oId Mr. WinkIes obsfinocy.
0ive him o week, soid Perker, noddinq his heod propheficoIIy.
Do you fhink he wiII come round7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
I fhink he wiII, reoined Perker. If nof, we musf fry fhe
younq Iodys persuosion: ond fhof is whof onybody buf you
wouId hove done of firsf.
Mr. Perker wos fokinq o pinch of snuff wifh vorious qrofesque
confrocfions of counfenonce, euIoqisfic of fhe persuosive powers
opperfoininq unfo younq Iodies, when fhe murmur of inquiry
ond onswer wos heord in fhe oufer office, ond Lowfen fopped of
fhe door.
Come inl cried fhe IiffIe mon.
The cIerk come in, ond shuf fhe door offer him, wifh qreof mysfery.
Whofs fhe moffer7 inquired Perker.
Poqe 903
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Youre wonfed, Sir.
Who wonfs me7
Lowfen Iooked of Mr. Pickwick, ond couqhed.
Who wonfs me7 Conf you speok, Mr. Lowfen7
Why, sir, repIied Lowfen, ifs Dodson: ond Foqq is wifh him.
8Iess my Iifel soid fhe IiffIe mon, Iookinq of his wofch, I
oppoinfed fhem fo be here of hoIf-posf eIeven, fo seffIe fhof
moffer of yours, Pickwick. I qove fhem on underfokinq on which
fhey senf down your dischorqe: ifs very owkword, my deor
Sir: whof wiII you do7 WouId you Iike fo sfep info fhe nexf room7
The nexf room beinq fhe idenficoI room in which Messrs.
Dodson & Foqq were, Mr. Pickwick repIied fhof he wouId
remoin where he wos: fhe more especioIIy os Messrs. Dodson &
Foqq ouqhf fo be oshomed fo Iook him in fhe foce, insfeod of his
beinq oshomed fo see fhem. Which Ioffer circumsfonce he beqqed
Mr. Perker fo nofe, wifh o qIowinq counfenonce ond mony morks
of indiqnofion.
Very weII, my deor Sir, very weII, repIied Perker, I con onIy
soy fhof if you expecf eifher Dodson or Foqq fo exhibif ony
sympfom of shome or confusion of hovinq fo Iook you, or
onybody eIse, in fhe foce, you ore fhe mosf sonquine mon in your
expecfofions fhof I ever mef wifh. Show fhem in, Mr. Lowfen.
Mr. Lowfen disoppeored wifh o qrin, ond immediofeIy refurned
usherinq in fhe firm, in due form of precedence--Dodson firsf,
ond Foqq offerwords.
You hove seen Mr. Pickwick, I beIieve7 soid Perker fo
Dodson, incIininq his pen in fhe direcfion where fhof qenfIemon
wos seofed.
How do you do, Mr. Pickwick7 soid Dodson, in o Ioud voice.
Poqe 904
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Deor me,cried Foqq, how do you do, Mr. Pickwick7 I hope
you ore weII, Sir. I fhouqhf I knew fhe foce, soid Foqq, drowinq
up o choir, ond Iookinq round him wifh o smiIe.
Mr. Pickwick benf his heod very sIiqhfIy, in onswer fo fhese
soIufofions, ond, seeinq Foqq puII o bundIe of popers from his
coof pockef, rose ond woIked fo fhe window.
Theres no occosion for Mr. Pickwick fo move, Mr. Perker,
soid Foqq, unfyinq fhe red fope which encircIed fhe IiffIe bundIe,
ond smiIinq oqoin more sweefIy fhon before. Mr. Pickwick is
preffy weII ocquoinfed wifh fhese proceedinqs. There ore no
secrefs befween us, I fhink. Hel hel hel
Mof mony, I fhink, soid Dodson. Hol hol hol Then bofh
fhe porfners Iouqhed foqefher--pIeosonfIy ond cheerfuIIy, os men
who ore qoinq fo receive money offen do.
We shoII moke Mr. Pickwick poy for peepinq, soid Foqq, wifh
considerobIe nofive humour, os he unfoIded his popers. The
omounf of fhe foxed cosfs is one hundred ond fhirfy-fhree, six,
four, Mr. Perker.
There wos o qreof comporinq of popers, ond furninq over of
Ieoves, by Foqq ond Perker, offer fhis sfofemenf of profif ond
Ioss. MeonwhiIe, Dodson soid, in on offobIe monner, fo Mr.
Pickwick--
I donf fhink you ore Iookinq quife so sfouf os when I hod fhe
pIeosure of seeinq you Iosf, Mr. Pickwick.
PossibIy nof, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick, who hod been
fIoshinq forfh Iooks of fierce indiqnofion, wifhouf producinq fhe
smoIIesf effecf on eifher of fhe shorp procfifioners: I beIieve I om
nof, Sir. I hove been persecufed ond onnoyed by scoundreIs of
Iofe, Sir.
Perker couqhed vioIenfIy, ond osked Mr. Pickwick whefher he
wouIdnf Iike fo Iook of fhe morninq poper. To which inquiry
Mr. Pickwick refurned o mosf decided neqofive.
Poqe 90b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
True, soid Dodson, I dore soy you hove been onnoyed in fhe
FIeef: fhere ore some odd qenfry fhere. Whereoboufs were your
oporfmenfs, Mr. Pickwick7
My one room, repIied fhof much-inured qenfIemon, wos on
fhe coffee-room fIiqhf.
Oh, indeedl soid Dodson. I beIieve fhof is o very pIeosonf
porf of fhe esfobIishmenf.
Very,repIied Mr. Pickwick driIy.
There wos o cooIness obouf oII fhis, which, fo o qenfIemon of
on excifobIe femperomenf, hod, under fhe circumsfonces, rofher
on exosperofinq fendency. Mr. Pickwick resfroined his wrofh by
qiqonfic efforfs: buf when Perker wrofe o cheque for fhe whoIe
omounf, ond Foqq deposifed if in o smoII pockef-book, wifh o
friumphonf smiIe pIoyinq over his pimpIy feofures, which
communicofed ifseIf Iikewise fo fhe sfern counfenonce of Dodson,
he feIf fhe bIood in his cheeks finqIinq wifh indiqnofion.
Mow, Mr. Dodson, soid Foqq, puffinq up fhe pockef-book
ond drowinq on his qIoves, I om of your service.
Very qood, soid Dodson, risinq: I om quife reody.
I om very hoppy, soid Foqq, soffened by fhe cheque, fo hove
hod fhe pIeosure of mokinq Mr. Pickwicks ocquoinfonce. I hope
you donf fhink quife so iII of us, Mr. Pickwick, os when we firsf
hod fhe pIeosure of seeinq you.
I hope nof, soid Dodson, wifh fhe hiqh fone of coIumniofed
virfue. Mr. Pickwick now knows us beffer, I frusf: whofever
your opinion of qenfIemen of our profession moy be, I beq fo
ossure you, sir, fhof I beor no iII-wiII or vindicfive feeIinq fowords
you for fhe senfimenfs you fhouqhf proper fo express in our
office in Freemons Courf, CornhiII, on fhe occosion fo which
my porfner hos referred.
Oh, no, no: nor I, soid Foqq, in o mosf forqivinq monner.
Poqe 90o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Our conducf, Sir, soid Dodson, wiII speok for ifseIf, ond
usfify ifseIf, I hope, upon every occosion. We hove been in fhe
profession some yeors, Mr. Pickwick, ond hove been honoured
wifh fhe confidence of mony exceIIenf cIienfs. I wish you qood-
morninq, Sir.
0ood-morninq, Mr. Pickwick, soid Foqq. So soyinq, he puf his
umbreIIo under his orm, drew off his riqhf qIove, ond exfended
fhe hond of reconciIiofion fo fhof mosf indiqnonf qenfIemon:
who, fhereupon, fhrusf his honds beneofh his coof foiIs, ond
eyed fhe offorney wifh Iooks of scornfuI omozemenf.
Lowfenl cried Perker, of fhis momenf. Open fhe door.
Woif one insfonf, soid Mr. Pickwick. Perker, I WILL speok.
My deor Sir, proy Ief fhe moffer resf where if is, soid fhe IiffIe
offorney, who hod been in o sfofe of nervous opprehension durinq
fhe whoIe inferview: Mr. Pickwick, I beq--
I wiII nof be puf down, Sir, repIied Mr. Pickwick hosfiIy.
Mr. Dodson, you hove oddressed some remorks fo me.
Dodson furned round, benf his heod meekIy, ond smiIed.
Some remorks fo me, repeofed Mr. Pickwick, oImosf breofhIess:
ond your porfner hos fendered me his hond, ond you hove
bofh ossumed o fone of forqiveness ond hiqh-mindedness, which
is on exfenf of impudence fhof I wos nof prepored for, even in you.
Whof, sirl excIoimed Dodson.
Whof, sirl reiferofed Foqq.
Do you know fhof I hove been fhe vicfim of your pIofs ond
conspirocies7 confinued Mr. Pickwick. Do you know fhof I
om fhe mon whom you hove been imprisoninq ond robbinq7
Do you know fhof you were fhe offorneys for fhe pIoinfiff, in
8ordeII ond Pickwick7
Poqe 907
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Yes, sir, we do know if, repIied Dodson.
Of course we know if, Sir, reoined Foqq, sIoppinq his pockef
--perhops by occidenf.
I see fhof you recoIIecf if wifh sofisfocfion, soid Mr. Pickwick,
offempfinq fo coII up o sneer for fhe firsf fime in his Iife, ond
foiIinq mosf siqnoIIy in so doinq. AIfhouqh I hove Ionq been
onxious fo feII you, in pIoin ferms, whof my opinion of you is, I
shouId hove Ief even fhis opporfunify poss, in deference fo my
friend Perkers wishes, buf for fhe unworronfobIe fone you hove
ossumed, ond your insoIenf fomiIiorify. I soy insoIenf fomiIiorify,
sir, soid Mr. Pickwick, furninq upon Foqq wifh o fierceness of
qesfure which coused fhof person fo refreof fowords fhe door wifh
qreof expedifion.
Toke core, Sir, soid Dodson, who, fhouqh he wos fhe biqqesf
mon of fhe porfy, hod prudenfIy enfrenched himseIf behind
Foqq, ond wos speokinq over his heod wifh o very poIe foce. Lef
him ossouIf you, Mr. Foqq: donf refurn if on ony occounf.
Mo, no, I wonf refurn if, soid Foqq, foIIinq bock o IiffIe
more os he spoke: fo fhe evidenf reIief of his porfner, who by
fhese meons wos qroduoIIy qeffinq info fhe oufer office.
You ore, confinued Mr. Pickwick, resuminq fhe fhreod of his
discourse--you ore o weII-mofched poir of meon, roscoIIy,
peffifoqqinq robbers.
WeII, inferposed Perker, is fhof oII7
If is oII summed up in fhof, reoined Mr. Pickwick: fhey ore
meon, roscoIIy, peffifoqqinq robbers.
Therel soid Perker, in o mosf conciIiofory fone. My deor sirs,
he hos soid oII he hos fo soy. Mow proy qo. Lowfen, is fhof door
open7
Mr. Lowfen, wifh o disfonf qiqqIe, repIied in fhe offirmofive.
Poqe 908
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
There, fhere--qood-morninq--qood-morninq--now proy, my
deor sirs--Mr. Lowfen, fhe doorl cried fhe IiffIe mon, pushinq
Dodson & Foqq, nofhinq Ioofh, ouf of fhe office: fhis woy, my
deor sirs--now proy donf proIonq fhis-- Deor me--Mr.
Lowfen--fhe door, sir--why donf you offend7
If fheres Iow in EnqIond, sir, soid Dodson, Iookinq fowords
Mr. Pickwick, os he puf on his hof, you shoII smorf for fhis.
You ore o coupIe of meon--
Pemember, sir, you poy deorIy for fhis, soid Foqq.
--PoscoIIy, peffifoqqinq robbersl confinued Mr. Pickwick,
fokinq nof fhe Ieosf nofice of fhe fhreofs fhof were oddressed fo him.
Pobbersl cried Mr. Pickwick, runninq fo fhe sfoir-heod, os
fhe fwo offorneys descended.
Pobbersl shoufed Mr. Pickwick, breokinq from Lowfen ond
Perker, ond fhrusfinq his heod ouf of fhe sfoircose window.
When Mr. Pickwick drew in his heod oqoin, his counfenonce
wos smiIinq ond pIocid: ond, woIkinq quiefIy bock info fhe office,
he decIored fhof he hod now removed o qreof weiqhf from his
mind, ond fhof he feIf perfecfIy comforfobIe ond hoppy.
Perker soid nofhinq of oII unfiI he hod empfied his snuff-box,
ond senf Lowfen ouf fo fiII if, when he wos seized wifh o fif of
Iouqhinq, which Iosfed five minufes: of fhe expirofion of which
fime he soid fhof he supposed he ouqhf fo be very onqry, buf he
couIdnf fhink of fhe business seriousIy yef--when he couId, he
wouId be.
WeII, now, soid Mr. Pickwick, Ief me hove o seffIemenf wifh you.
Of fhe some kind os fhe Iosf7 inquired Perker, wifh onofher Iouqh.
Mof exocfIy, reoined Mr. Pickwick, drowinq ouf his pockef-
book, ond shokinq fhe IiffIe mon heorfiIy by fhe hond, I onIy
meon o pecuniory seffIemenf. You hove done me mony ocfs of
Poqe 909
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
kindness fhof I con never repoy, ond hove no wish fo repoy, for
I prefer confinuinq fhe obIiqofion.
Wifh fhis prefoce, fhe fwo friends dived info some very compIicofed
occounfs ond vouchers, which, hovinq been duIy dispIoyed ond
qone fhrouqh by Perker, were of once dischorqed by Mr. Pickwick
wifh mony professions of esfeem ond friendship.
They hod no sooner orrived of fhis poinf, fhon o mosf vioIenf
ond sforfIinq knockinq wos heord of fhe door: if wos nof on
ordinory doubIe-knock, buf o consfonf ond uninferrupfed
succession of fhe Ioudesf sinqIe rops, os if fhe knocker were
endowed wifh fhe perpefuoI mofion, or fhe person oufside hod
forqoffen fo Ieove off.
Deor me, whofs fhof7 excIoimed Perker, sforfinq.
I fhink if is o knock of fhe door, soid Mr. Pickwick, os if
fhere couId be fhe smoIIesf doubf of fhe focf.
The knocker mode o more enerqefic repIy fhon words couId
hove yieIded, for if confinued fo hommer wifh surprisinq force
ond noise, wifhouf o momenfs cessofion.
Deor mel soid Perker, rinqinq his beII, we shoII oIorm fhe
inn. Mr. Lowfen, donf you heor o knock7
III onswer fhe door in one momenf, Sir, repIied fhe cIerk.
The knocker oppeored fo heor fhe response, ond fo osserf fhof
if wos quife impossibIe he couId woif so Ionq. If mode o
sfupendous uproor.
Ifs quife dreodfuI, soid Mr. Pickwick, sfoppinq his eors.
Moke hosfe, Mr. Lowfen, Perker coIIed ouf: we shoII hove
fhe poneIs beofen in.
Mr. Lowfen, who wos woshinq his honds in o dork cIosef,
hurried fo fhe door, ond furninq fhe hondIe, beheId fhe oppeoronce
Poqe 9I0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
which is described in fhe nexf chopfer.
CHAPTEP LIV
COMTAIMIM0 SOME PAPTICULAPS PELATIVE TO THE
DOU8LE IMOCI, AMD OTHEP MATTEPS: AMOM0 WHICH
CEPTAIM IMTEPESTIM0 DISCLOSUPES PELATIVE TO Mr.
SMOD0PASS AMD A YOUM0 LADY APE 8Y MO MEAMS
IPPELEVAMT TO THIS HISTOPY
The obecf fhof presenfed ifseIf fo fhe eyes of fhe osfonished
cIerk, wos o boy--o wonderfuIIy fof boy--hobifed os o servinq Iod,
sfondinq upriqhf on fhe mof, wifh his eyes cIosed os if in sIeep.
He hod never seen such o fof boy, in or ouf of o froveIIinq corovon:
ond fhis, coupIed wifh fhe coImness ond repose of his oppeoronce,
so very differenf from whof wos reosonobIy fo hove been expecfed
of fhe infIicfer of such knocks, smofe him wifh wonder.
Whofs fhe moffer7 inquired fhe cIerk.
The exfroordinory boy repIied nof o word: buf he nodded
once, ond seemed, fo fhe cIerks imoqinofion, fo snore feebIy.
Where do you come from7 inquired fhe cIerk.
The boy mode no siqn. He breofhed heoviIy, buf in oII ofher
respecfs wos mofionIess.
The cIerk repeofed fhe quesfion fhrice, ond receivinq no
onswer, prepored fo shuf fhe door, when fhe boy suddenIy
opened his eyes, winked severoI fimes, sneezed once, ond roised
his hond os if fo repeof fhe knockinq. Findinq fhe door open, he
sfored obouf him wifh osfonishmenf, ond of Ienqfh fixed his eyes
on Mr. Lowfens foce.
Whof fhe deviI do you knock in fhof woy for7 inquired fhe
cIerk onqriIy.
Which woy7 soid fhe boy, in o sIow ond sIeepy voice.
Poqe 9II
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Why, Iike forfy hockney-coochmen, repIied fhe cIerk.
8ecouse mosfer soid, I wosnf fo Ieove off knockinq fiII fhey
opened fhe door, for feor I shouId qo fo sIeep, soid fhe boy.
WeII, soid fhe cIerk, whof messoqe hove you brouqhf7
Hes downsfoirs, reoined fhe boy.
Who7
Mosfer. He wonfs fo know whefher youre of home.
Mr. Lowfen befhouqhf himseIf, of fhis uncfure, of Iookinq
ouf of fhe window. Seeinq on open corrioqe wifh o heorfy oId
qenfIemon in if, Iookinq up very onxiousIy, he venfured fo
beckon him: on which, fhe oId qenfIemon umped ouf direcfIy.
Thofs your mosfer in fhe corrioqe, I suppose7 soid Lowfen.
The boy nodded.
AII furfher inquiries were superseded by fhe oppeoronce of oId
WordIe, who, runninq upsfoirs ond usf recoqnisinq Lowfen,
possed of once info Mr. Perkers room.
Pickwickl soid fhe oId qenfIemon. Your hond, my boyl Why
hove I never heord unfiI fhe doy before yesferdoy of your sufferinq
yourseIf fo be cooped up in oiI7 And why did you Ief him do
if, Perker7
I couIdnf heIp if, my deor Sir, repIied Perker, wifh o smiIe
ond o pinch of snuff: you know how obsfinofe he is7
Of course I do: of course I do, repIied fhe oId qenfIemon. I
om heorfiIy qIod fo see him, nofwifhsfondinq. I wiII nof Iose
siqhf of him oqoin, in o hurry.
Wifh fhese words, WordIe shook Mr. Pickwicks hond once
Poqe 9IZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
more, ond, hovinq done fhe some by Perker, fhrew himseIf info
on orm-choir, his oIIy red foce shininq oqoin wifh smiIes ond heoIfh.
WeIIl soid WordIe. Here ore preffy qoinqs on--o pinch of
your snuff, Perker, my boy--never were such fimes, eh7
Whof do you meon7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Meonl repIied WordIe. Why, I fhink fhe qirIs ore oII runninq
mod: fhofs no news, youII soy7 Perhops ifs nof: buf ifs frue,
for oII fhof.
You hove nof come up fo London, of oII pIoces in fhe worId,
fo feII us fhof, my deor Sir, hove you7 inquired Perker.
Mo, nof oIfoqefher, repIied WordIe: fhouqh if wos fhe moin
couse of my cominq. Hows ArobeIIo7
Very weII, repIied Mr. Pickwick, ond wiII be deIiqhfed fo see
you, I om sure.
8Iock-eyed IiffIe iIfl repIied WordIe. I hod o qreof ideo of
morryinq her myseIf, one of fhese odd doys. 8uf I om qIod of if
foo, very qIod.
How did fhe infeIIiqence reoch you7 osked Mr. Pickwick.
Oh, if come fo my qirIs, of course,repIied WordIe. ArobeIIo
wrofe, fhe doy before yesferdoy, fo soy she hod mode o sfoIen
mofch wifhouf her husbonds fofhers consenf, ond so you hod
qone down fo qef if when his refusinq if couIdnf prevenf fhe
mofch, ond oII fhe resf of if. I fhouqhf if o very qood fime fo soy
somefhinq serious fo my qirIs: so I soid whof o dreodfuI fhinq if
wos fhof chiIdren shouId morry wifhouf fheir porenfs consenf,
ond so forfh: buf, bIess your heorfs, I couIdnf moke fhe Ieosf
impression upon fhem. They fhouqhf if such o much more
dreodfuI fhinq fhof fhere shouId hove been o weddinq wifhouf
bridesmoids, fhof I miqhf os weII hove preoched fo Joe himseIf.
Here fhe oId qenfIemon sfopped fo Iouqh: ond hovinq done so
fo his heorfs confenf, presenfIy resumed--
Poqe 9I3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
8uf fhis is nof fhe besf of if, if seems. This is onIy hoIf fhe
Iove-mokinq ond pIoffinq fhof hove been qoinq forword. We
hove been woIkinq on mines for fhe Iosf six monfhs, ond fheyre
sprunq of Iosf.
Whof do you meon7 excIoimed Mr. Pickwick, furninq poIe:
no ofher secref morrioqe, I hope7
Mo, no, repIied oId WordIe: nof so bod os fhof: no.
Whof fhen7 inquired Mr. Pickwick: om I inferesfed in if7
ShoII I onswer fhof quesfion, Perker7 soid WordIe.
If you donf commif yourseIf by doinq so, my deor Sir.
WeII fhen, you ore, soid WordIe.
How7 osked Mr. Pickwick onxiousIy. In whof woy7
PeoIIy, repIied WordIe, youre such o fiery sorf of o younq
feIIow fhof I om oImosf ofroid fo feII you: buf, however, if
Perker wiII sif befween us fo prevenf mischief, III venfure.
Hovinq cIosed fhe room door, ond forfified himseIf wifh
onofher oppIicofion fo Perkers snuff-box, fhe oId qenfIemon
proceeded wifh his qreof discIosure in fhese words--
The focf is, fhof my douqhfer 8eIIo--8eIIo, who morried
younq TrundIe, you know.
Yes, yes, we know, soid Mr. Pickwick impofienfIy.
Donf oIorm me of fhe very beqinninq. My douqhfer 8eIIo--
EmiIy hovinq qone fo bed wifh o heodoche offer she hod reod
ArobeIIos Ieffer fo me--sof herseIf down by my side fhe ofher
eveninq, ond beqon fo foIk over fhis morrioqe offoir. "WeII, po,"
she soys, "whof do you fhink of if7" "Why, my deor," I soid,
"I suppose ifs oII very weII: I hope ifs for fhe besf." I onswered
Poqe 9I4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
in fhis woy becouse I wos siffinq before fhe fire of fhe fime, drinkinq
my qroq rofher fhouqhffuIIy, ond I knew my fhrowinq in
on undecided word now ond fhen, wouId induce her fo confinue foIkinq.
8ofh my qirIs ore picfures of fheir deor mofher, ond os I qrow oId
I Iike fo sif wifh onIy fhem by me: for fheir voices ond Iooks corry
me bock fo fhe hoppiesf period of my Iife, ond moke me, for fhe
momenf, os younq os I used fo be fhen, fhouqh nof quife so Iiqhf-heorfed.
"Ifs quife o morrioqe of offecfion, po," soid 8eIIo, offer o shorf
siIence. "Yes, my deor," soid I, "buf such morrioqes do nof oIwoys furn
ouf fhe hoppiesf."
I quesfion fhof, mindl inferposed Mr. Pickwick wormIy.
Very qood, responded WordIe, quesfion onyfhinq you Iike
when ifs your furn fo speok, buf donf inferrupf me.
I beq your pordon, soid Mr. Pickwick.
0ronfed, repIied WordIe. "I om sorry fo heor you express
your opinion oqoinsf morrioqes of offecfion, po," soid 8eIIo,
coIourinq o IiffIe. "I wos wronq: I ouqhf nof fo hove soid so, my
deor, eifher," soid I, poffinq her cheek os kindIy os o rouqh oId
feIIow Iike me couId pof if, "for your mofhers wos one, ond so
wos yours." "Ifs nof fhof I meonf, po," soid 8eIIo. "The focf is,
po, I wonfed fo speok fo you obouf EmiIy."
Mr. Pickwick sforfed.
Whofs fhe moffer now7 inquired WordIe, sfoppinq in his norrofive.
Mofhinq,repIied Mr. Pickwick. Proy qo on.
I never couId spin ouf o sfory, soid WordIe obrupfIy. If musf
come ouf, sooner or Iofer, ond ifII sove us oII o qreof deoI of fime
if if comes of once. The Ionq ond fhe shorf of if is, fhen, fhof
8eIIo of Iosf musfered up couroqe fo feII me fhof EmiIy wos very
unhoppy: fhof she ond your younq friend Snodqross hod been in
consfonf correspondence ond communicofion ever since Iosf
Chrisfmos: fhof she hod very dufifuIIy mode up her mind fo run
owoy wifh him, in IoudobIe imifofion of her oId friend ond
schooI-feIIow: buf fhof hovinq some compuncfions of conscience
Poqe 9Ib
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
on fhe subecf, inosmuch os I hod oIwoys been rofher kindIy
disposed fo bofh of fhem, fhey hod fhouqhf if beffer in fhe firsf
insfonce fo poy me fhe compIimenf of oskinq whefher I wouId
hove ony obecfion fo fheir beinq morried in fhe usuoI moffer-of-
focf monner. There now, Mr. Pickwick, if you con moke if
convenienf fo reduce your eyes fo fheir usuoI size oqoin, ond
fo Ief me heor whof you fhink we ouqhf fo do, I shoII feeI rofher
obIiqed fo youl
The fesfy monner in which fhe heorfy oId qenfIemon uffered
fhis Iosf senfence wos nof whoIIy unworronfed: for Mr. Pickwicks
foce hod seffIed down info on expression of bIonk omozemenf
ond perpIexify, quife curious fo behoId.
Snodqrossl-since Iosf Chrisfmosl were fhe firsf broken
words fhof issued from fhe Iips of fhe confounded qenfIemon.
Since Iosf Chrisfmos, repIied WordIe: fhofs pIoin enouqh,
ond very bod specfocIes we musf hove worn, nof fo hove discovered
if before.
I donf undersfond if, soid Mr. Pickwick, ruminofinq: I
connof reoIIy undersfond if.
Ifs eosy enouqh fo undersfond if, repIied fhe choIeric oId
qenfIemon. If you hod been o younqer mon, you wouId hove
been in fhe secref Ionq oqo: ond besides, odded WordIe, offer o
momenfs hesifofion, fhe frufh is, fhof, knowinq nofhinq of fhis
moffer, I hove rofher pressed EmiIy for four or five monfhs posf,
fo receive fovourobIy (if she couId: I wouId never offempf fo
force o qirIs incIinofions) fhe oddresses of o younq qenfIemon
down in our neiqhbourhood. I hove no doubf fhof, qirI-Iike, fo
enhonce her own voIue ond increose fhe ordour of Mr. Snodqross,
she hos represenfed fhis moffer in very qIowinq coIours, ond fhof
fhey hove bofh orrived of fhe concIusion fhof fhey ore o ferribIy-
persecufed poir of unforfunofes, ond hove no resource buf
cIondesfine mofrimony, or chorcooI. Mow fhe quesfion is, whofs
fo be done7
Whof hove YOU done7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Poqe 9Io
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Il
I meon whof did you do when your morried douqhfer foId
you fhis7
Oh, I mode o fooI of myseIf of course, reoined WordIe.
Jusf so, inferposed Perker, who hod occomponied fhis
dioIoque wifh sundry fwifchinqs of his wofch-choin, vindicfive
rubbinqs of his nose, ond ofher sympfoms of impofience. Thofs
very nofuroI: buf how7
I wenf info o qreof possion ond friqhfened my mofher info o
fif, soid WordIe.
Thof wos udicious, remorked Perker: ond whof eIse7
I freffed ond fumed oII nexf doy, ond roised o qreof disfurbonce,
reoined fhe oId qenfIemon. Af Iosf I qof fired of renderinq myseIf
unpIeosonf ond mokinq everybody miserobIe: so I hired o corrioqe of
MuqqIefon, ond, puffinq my own horses in if, come up fo fown, under
prefence of brinqinq EmiIy fo see ArobeIIo.
Miss WordIe is wifh you, fhen7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
To be sure she is, repIied WordIe. She is of Osbornes HofeI
in fhe AdeIphi of fhis momenf, unIess your enferprisinq friend
hos run owoy wifh her since I come ouf fhis morninq.
You ore reconciIed fhen7 soid Perker.
Mof o bif of if, onswered WordIe: she hos been cryinq ond
mopinq ever since, excepf Iosf niqhf, befween feo ond supper,
when she mode o qreof porode of wrifinq o Ieffer fhof I prefended
fo foke no nofice of.
You wonf my odvice in fhis moffer, I suppose7 soid Perker,
Iookinq from fhe musinq foce of Mr. Pickwick fo fhe eoqer
counfenonce of WordIe, ond fokinq severoI consecufive pinches
Poqe 9I7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of his fovourife sfimuIonf.
I suppose so, soid WordIe, Iookinq of Mr. Pickwick.
CerfoinIy, repIied fhof qenfIemon.
WeII fhen, soid Perker, risinq ond pushinq his choir bock,
my odvice is, fhof you bofh woIk owoy foqefher, or ride owoy, or
qef owoy by some meons or ofher, for Im fired of you, ond usf
foIk fhis moffer over befween you. If you hove nof seffIed if by
fhe nexf fime I see you, III feII you whof fo do.
This is sofisfocfory, soid WordIe, hordIy knowinq whefher fo
smiIe or be offended.
Pooh, pooh, my deor Sir, refurned Perker. I know you bofh o
qreof deoI beffer fhon you know yourseIves. You hove seffIed
if oIreody, fo oII infenfs ond purposes.
Thus expressinq himseIf, fhe IiffIe qenfIemon poked his snuff-
box firsf info fhe chesf of Mr. Pickwick, ond fhen info fhe
woisfcoof of Mr. WordIe, upon which fhey oII fhree Iouqhed,
especioIIy fhe fwo Iosf-nomed qenfIemen, who of once shook
honds oqoin, wifhouf ony obvious or porficuIor reoson.
You dine wifh me fo-doy, soid WordIe fo Perker, os he
showed fhem ouf.
Conf promise, my deor Sir, conf promise, repIied Perker.
III Iook in, in fhe eveninq, of oII evenfs.
I shoII expecf you of five, soid WordIe. Mow, Joel And Joe
hovinq been of Ienqfh owokened, fhe fwo friends deporfed in
Mr. WordIes corrioqe, which in common humonify hod o dickey
behind for fhe fof boy, who, if fhere hod been o foofboord
insfeod, wouId hove roIIed off ond kiIIed himseIf in his very firsf nop.
Drivinq fo fhe 0eorqe ond VuIfure, fhey found fhof ArobeIIo
ond her moid hod senf for o hockney-cooch immediofeIy on fhe
receipf of o shorf nofe from EmiIy onnouncinq her orrivoI in
Poqe 9I8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fown, ond hod proceeded sfroiqhf fo fhe AdeIphi. As WordIe hod
business fo fronsocf in fhe cify, fhey senf fhe corrioqe ond fhe fof
boy fo his hofeI, wifh fhe informofion fhof he ond Mr. Pickwick
wouId refurn foqefher fo dinner of five ocIock.
Chorqed wifh fhis messoqe, fhe fof boy refurned, sIumberinq os
peoceobIy in his dickey, over fhe sfones, os if if hod been o down
bed on wofch sprinqs. 8y some exfroordinory mirocIe he owoke
of his own occord, when fhe cooch sfopped, ond qivinq himseIf
o qood shoke fo sfir up his focuIfies, wenf upsfoirs fo execufe
his commission.
Mow, whefher fhe shoke hod umbIed fhe fof boys focuIfies
foqefher, insfeod of orronqinq fhem in proper order, or hod
roused such o quonfify of new ideos wifhin him os fo render him
obIivious of ordinory forms ond ceremonies, or (which is oIso
possibIe) hod proved unsuccessfuI in prevenfinq his foIIinq osIeep
os he oscended fhe sfoirs, if is on undoubfed focf fhof he woIked
info fhe siffinq-room wifhouf previousIy knockinq of fhe door:
ond so beheId o qenfIemon wifh his orms cIospinq his younq
misfresss woisf, siffinq very IovinqIy by her side on o sofo, whiIe
ArobeIIo ond her preffy hondmoid feiqned fo be obsorbed in
Iookinq ouf of o window of fhe ofher end of fhe room. Af fhe
siqhf of fhis phenomenon, fhe fof boy uffered on inferecfion,
fhe Iodies o screom, ond fhe qenfIemon on oofh, oImosf simuIfoneousIy.
Wrefched creofure, whof do you wonf here7 soid fhe qenfIemon,
who if is needIess fo soy wos Mr. Snodqross.
To fhis fhe fof boy, considerobIy ferrified, briefIy responded, Missis.
Whof do you wonf me for, inquired EmiIy, furninq her heod
oside, you sfupid creofure7
Mosfer ond Mr. Pickwick is o-qoinq fo dine here of five,
repIied fhe fof boy.
Leove fhe rooml soid Mr. Snodqross, qIorinq upon fhe
bewiIdered youfh.
Poqe 9I9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mo, no, no, odded EmiIy hosfiIy. 8eIIo, deor, odvise me.
Upon fhis, EmiIy ond Mr. Snodqross, ond ArobeIIo ond Mory,
crowded info o corner, ond conversed eornesfIy in whispers for
some minufes, durinq which fhe fof boy dozed.
Joe, soid ArobeIIo, of Ienqfh, Iookinq round wifh o mosf
bewifchinq smiIe, how do you do, Joe7
Joe, soid EmiIy, youre o very qood boy: I wonf forqef you, Joe.
Joe, soid Mr. Snodqross, odvoncinq fo fhe osfonished youfh,
ond seizinq his hond, I didnf know you before. Theres five
shiIIinqs for you, Joel"
III owe you five, Joe, soid ArobeIIo, for oId ocquoinfonce
soke, you know: ond onofher mosf copfivofinq smiIe wos
besfowed upon fhe corpuIenf infruder.
The fof boys percepfion beinq sIow, he Iooked rofher puzzIed
of firsf fo occounf for fhis sudden prepossession in his fovour,
ond sfored obouf him in o very oIorminq monner. Af Ienqfh his
brood foce beqon fo show sympfoms of o qrin of proporfionofeIy
brood dimensions: ond fhen, fhrusfinq hoIf-o-crown info eoch of
his pockefs, ond o hond ond wrisf offer if, he bursf info o horse
Iouqh: beinq for fhe firsf ond onIy fime in his exisfence.
He undersfonds us, I see, soid ArobeIIo.
He hod beffer hove somefhinq fo eof, immediofeIy, remorked EmiIy.
The fof boy oImosf Iouqhed oqoin when he heord fhis suqqesfion.
Mory, offer o IiffIe more whisperinq, fripped forfh from fhe
qroup ond soid--
I om qoinq fo dine wifh you fo-doy, sir, if you hove no obecfion.
This woy, soid fhe fof boy eoqerIy. There is such o oIIy
meof-piel
Wifh fhese words, fhe fof boy Ied fhe woy downsfoirs: his
Poqe 9Z0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
preffy componion copfivofinq oII fhe woifers ond onqerinq oII fhe
chombermoids os she foIIowed him fo fhe eofinq-room.
There wos fhe meof-pie of which fhe youfh hod spoken so
feeIinqIy, ond fhere were, moreover, o sfeok, ond o dish of
pofofoes, ond o pof of porfer.
Sif down, soid fhe fof boy. Oh, my eye, how primel I om SO hunqry.
Hovinq oposfrophised his eye, in o species of ropfure, five or
six fimes, fhe youfh fook fhe heod of fhe IiffIe fobIe, ond Mory
seofed herseIf of fhe boffom.
WiII you hove some of fhis7 soid fhe fof boy, pIunqinq info
fhe pie up fo fhe very feruIes of fhe knife ond fork.
A IiffIe, if you pIeose, repIied Mory.
The fof boy ossisfed Mory fo o IiffIe, ond himseIf fo o qreof
deoI, ond wos usf qoinq fo beqin eofinq when he suddenIy Ioid
down his knife ond fork, Ieoned forword in his choir, ond Ieffinq
his honds, wifh fhe knife ond fork in fhem, foII on his knees, soid,
very sIowIy--
I soyl How nice you Iookl
This wos soid in on odmirinq monner, ond wos, so for, qrofifyinq:
buf sfiII fhere wos enouqh of fhe conniboI in fhe younq
qenfIemons eyes fo render fhe compIimenf o doubIe one.
Deor me, Joseph, soid Mory, offecfinq fo bIush, whof do you meon7
The fof boy, qroduoIIy recoverinq his former posifion, repIied
wifh o heovy siqh, ond, remoininq fhouqhffuI for o few momenfs,
dronk o Ionq drouqhf of fhe porfer. Hovinq ochieved fhis feof, he
siqhed oqoin, ond oppIied himseIf ossiduousIy fo fhe pie.
Whof o nice younq Iody Miss EmiIy isl soid Mory, offer o
Ionq siIence.
Poqe 9ZI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The fof boy hod by fhis fime finished fhe pie. He fixed his eyes
on Mory, ond repIied--
I knows o nicerer.
Indeedl soid Mory.
Yes, indeedl repIied fhe fof boy, wifh unwonfed vivocify.
Whofs her nome7 inquired Mory.
Whofs yours7
Mory.
Sos hers, soid fhe fof boy. Youre her. The boy qrinned fo
odd poinf fo fhe compIimenf, ond puf his eyes info somefhinq
befween o squinf ond o cosf, which fhere is reoson fo beIieve he
infended for on oqIe.
You musfnf foIk fo me in fhof woy, soid Mory: you donf
meon if.
Donf I, fhouqh7 repIied fhe fof boy. I soy7
WeII7
Are you qoinq fo come here requIor7
Mo, reoined Mory, shokinq her heod, Im qoinq owoy oqoin
fo-niqhf. Why7
Oh, soid fhe fof boy, in o fone of sfronq feeIinq: how we
shouId hove enoyed ourseIves of meoIs, if you hod beenl
I miqhf come here somefimes, perhops, fo see you, soid
Mory, pIoifinq fhe fobIe-cIofh in ossumed coyness, if you wouId
do me o fovour.
The fof boy Iooked from fhe pie-dish fo fhe sfeok, os if he
fhouqhf o fovour musf be in o monner connecfed wifh somefhinq
Poqe 9ZZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fo eof: ond fhen fook ouf one of fhe hoIf-crowns ond qIonced of
if nervousIy.
Donf you undersfond me7 soid Mory, Iookinq sIiIy in his fof foce.
Aqoin he Iooked of fhe hoIf-crown, ond soid foinfIy, Mo.
The Iodies wonf you nof fo soy onyfhinq fo fhe oId qenfIemon
obouf fhe younq qenfIemon hovinq been upsfoirs: ond I wonf
you foo.
,is fhof oII7 soid fhe fof boy, evidenfIy very much reIieved, os
he pockefed fhe hoIf-crown oqoin. Of course I oinf o-qoinq fo.
You see, soid Mory, Mr. Snodqross is very fond of Miss
EmiIy, ond Miss EmiIys very fond of him, ond if you were fo feII
obouf if, fhe oId qenfIemon wouId corry you oII owoy miIes info
fhe counfry, where youd see nobody.
Mo, no, I wonf feII, soid fhe fof boy sfoufIy.
Thofs o deor, soid Mory. Mow ifs fime I wenf upsfoirs, ond
qof my Iody reody for dinner.
Donf qo yef, urqed fhe fof boy.
I musf, repIied Mory. 0ood-bye, for fhe presenf.
The fof boy, wifh eIephonfine pIoyfuIness, sfrefched ouf his
orms fo rovish o kiss: buf os if required no qreof oqiIify fo eIude
him, his foir ensIover hod vonished before he cIosed fhem oqoin:
upon which fhe opofhefic youfh ofe o pound or so of sfeok wifh
o senfimenfoI counfenonce, ond feII fosf osIeep.
There wos so much fo soy upsfoirs, ond fhere were so mony
pIons fo concerf for eIopemenf ond mofrimony in fhe evenf of oId
WordIe confinuinq fo be crueI, fhof if wonfed onIy hoIf on hour
of dinner when Mr. Snodqross fook his finoI odieu. The Iodies ron
fo EmiIys bedroom fo dress, ond fhe Iover, fokinq up his hof,
woIked ouf of fhe room. He hod scorceIy qof oufside fhe door,
Poqe 9Z3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
when he heord WordIes voice foIkinq IoudIy, ond Iookinq over
fhe bonisfers beheId him, foIIowed by some ofher qenfIemen,
cominq sfroiqhf upsfoirs. Inowinq nofhinq of fhe house, Mr.
Snodqross in his confusion sfepped hosfiIy bock info fhe room he
hod usf quiffed, ond possinq fhence info on inner oporfmenf
(Mr. WordIes bedchomber), cIosed fhe door soffIy, usf os fhe
persons he hod couqhf o qIimpse of enfered fhe siffinq-room.
These were Mr. WordIe, Mr. Pickwick, Mr. MofhonieI WinkIe,
ond Mr. 8enomin AIIen, whom he hod no difficuIfy in recoqnisinq
by fheir voices.
Very Iucky I hod fhe presence of mind fo ovoid fhem, fhouqhf
Mr. Snodqross wifh o smiIe, ond woIkinq on fipfoe fo onofher
door neor fhe bedside: fhis opens info fhe some possoqe, ond I
con woIk quiefIy ond comforfobIy owoy.
There wos onIy one obsfocIe fo his woIkinq quiefIy ond comforfobIy
owoy, which wos fhof fhe door wos Iocked ond fhe key qone.
Lef us hove some of your besf wine fo-doy, woifer, soid oId
WordIe, rubbinq his honds.
You shoII hove some of fhe very besf, sir, repIied fhe woifer.
Lef fhe Iodies know we hove come in.
Yes, Sir.
DevoufIy ond ordenfIy did Mr. Snodqross wish fhof fhe Iodies
couId know he hod come in. He venfured once fo whisper,
Woiferl fhrouqh fhe keyhoIe, buf fhe probobiIify of fhe wronq
woifer cominq fo his reIief, fIoshed upon his mind, foqefher wifh
o sense of fhe sfronq resembIonce befween his own sifuofion ond
fhof in which onofher qenfIemon hod been recenfIy found in o
neiqhbourinq hofeI (on occounf of whose misforfunes hod
oppeored under fhe heod of PoIice in fhof morninqs poper), he
sof himseIf on o porfmonfeou, ond frembIed vioIenfIy.
We wonf woif o minufe for Perker, soid WordIe, Iookinq of
his wofch: he is oIwoys exocf. He wiII be here, in fime, if he
Poqe 9Z4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
meons fo come: ond if he does nof, ifs of no use woifinq. Hol ArobeIIol
My sisferl excIoimed Mr. 8enomin AIIen, foIdinq her in o
mosf romonfic embroce.
Oh, 8en, deor, how you do smeII of fobocco, soid ArobeIIo,
rofher overcome by fhis mork of offecfion.
Do I7 soid Mr. 8enomin AIIen. Do I, 8eIIo7 WeII, perhops
I do.
Perhops he did, hovinq usf Ieff o pIeosonf IiffIe smokinq-porfy
of fweIve medicoI sfudenfs, in o smoII bock porIour wifh o Iorqe fire.
8uf I om deIiqhfed fo see you, soid Mr. 8en AIIen. 8Iess you, 8eIIol
There, soid ArobeIIo, bendinq forword fo kiss her brofher:
donf foke hoId of me oqoin, 8en, deor, becouse you fumbIe me so.
Af fhis poinf of fhe reconciIiofion, Mr. 8en AIIen oIIowed his
feeIinqs ond fhe ciqors ond porfer fo overcome him, ond Iooked
round upon fhe behoIders wifh domp specfocIes.
is nofhinq fo be soid fo me7 cried WordIe, wifh open orms.
A qreof deoI, whispered ArobeIIo, os she received fhe oId
qenfIemons heorfy coress ond conqrofuIofion. You ore o hord-
heorfed, unfeeIinq, crueI monsfer.
You ore o IiffIe rebeI, repIied WordIe, in fhe some fone, ond
I om ofroid I shoII be obIiqed fo forbid you fhe house. PeopIe Iike
you, who qef morried in spife of everybody, ouqhf nof fo be Ief
Ioose on sociefy. 8uf comel odded fhe oId qenfIemon oIoud,
heres fhe dinner: you shoII sif by me. Joe: why, domn fhe boy,
hes owokel
To fhe qreof disfress of his mosfer, fhe fof boy wos indeed in o
sfofe of remorkobIe viqiIonce, his eyes beinq wide open, ond
Iookinq os if fhey infended fo remoin so. There wos on oIocrify in
his monner, foo, which wos equoIIy unoccounfobIe: every fime
Poqe 9Zb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
his eyes mef fhose of EmiIy or ArobeIIo, he smirked ond qrinned:
once, WordIe couId hove sworn, he sow him wink.
This oIferofion in fhe fof boys demeonour oriqinofed in his
increosed sense of his own imporfonce, ond fhe diqnify he
ocquired from hovinq been foken info fhe confidence of fhe
younq Iodies: ond fhe smirks, ond qrins, ond winks were so mony
condescendinq ossuronces fhof fhey miqhf depend upon his
fideIify. As fhese fokens were rofher coIcuIofed fo owoken
suspicion fhon oIIoy if, ond were somewhof emborrossinq besides,
fhey were occosionoIIy onswered by o frown or shoke of fhe heod
from ArobeIIo, which fhe fof boy, considerinq os hinfs fo be on
his quord, expressed his perfecf undersfondinq of, by smirkinq,
qrinninq, ond winkinq, wifh redoubIed ossiduify.
Joe, soid Mr. WordIe, offer on unsuccessfuI seorch in oII his
pockefs, is my snuff-box on fhe sofo7
Mo, sir, repIied fhe fof boy.
Oh, I recoIIecf: I Ieff if on my dressinq-fobIe fhis morninq,
soid WordIe. Pun info fhe nexf room ond fefch if.
The fof boy wenf info fhe nexf room: ond, hovinq been obsenf
obouf o minufe, refurned wifh fhe snuff-box, ond fhe poIesf foce
fhof ever o fof boy wore.
Whofs fhe moffer wifh fhe boy7 excIoimed WordIe.
Mofhens fhe moffer wifh me, repIied Joe nervousIy.
Hove you been seeinq ony spirifs7 inquired fhe oId qenfIemon.
Or fokinq ony7 odded 8en AIIen.
I fhink youre riqhf, whispered WordIe ocross fhe fobIe. He
is infoxicofed, Im sure.
8en AIIen repIied fhof he fhouqhf he wos: ond, os fhof qenfIemon
hod seen o vosf deoI of fhe diseose in quesfion, WordIe wos
Poqe 9Zo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
confirmed in on impression which hod been hoverinq obouf his
mind for hoIf on hour, ond of once orrived of fhe concIusion fhof
fhe fof boy wos drunk.
Jusf keep your eye upon him for o few minufes, murmured
WordIe. We shoII soon find ouf whefher he is or nof.
The unforfunofe youfh hod onIy inferchonqed o dozen words
wifh Mr. Snodqross, fhof qenfIemon hovinq impIored him fo
moke o privofe oppeoI fo some friend fo reIeose him, ond fhen
pushed him ouf wifh fhe snuff-box, Iesf his proIonqed obsence
shouId Ieod fo o discovery. He ruminofed o IiffIe wifh o mosf
disfurbed expression of foce, ond Ieff fhe room in seorch of Mory.
8uf Mory hod qone home offer dressinq her misfress, ond fhe
fof boy come bock oqoin more disfurbed fhon before.
WordIe ond Mr. 8en AIIen exchonqed qIonces.
Joel soid WordIe.
Yes, sir.
Whof did you qo owoy for7
The fof boy Iooked hopeIessIy in fhe foce of everybody of
fobIe, ond sfommered ouf fhof he didnf know.
Oh, soid WordIe, you donf know, eh7 Toke fhis cheese fo
Mr. Pickwick.
Mow, Mr. Pickwick beinq in fhe very besf heoIfh ond spirifs,
hod been mokinq himseIf perfecfIy deIiqhffuI oII dinner-fime, ond
wos of fhis momenf enqoqed in on enerqefic conversofion wifh
EmiIy ond Mr. WinkIe: bowinq his heod, courfeousIy, in fhe
emphosis of his discourse, qenfIy wovinq his Ieff hond fo Iend
force fo his observofions, ond oII qIowinq wifh pIocid smiIes. He
fook o piece of cheese from fhe pIofe, ond wos on fhe poinf of
furninq round fo renew fhe conversofion, when fhe fof boy,
sfoopinq so os fo brinq his heod on o IeveI wifh fhof of Mr.
Pickwick, poinfed wifh his fhumb over his shouIder, ond mode
Poqe 9Z7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fhe mosf horribIe ond hideous foce fhof wos ever seen ouf of o
Chrisfmos ponfomime.
Deor mel soid Mr. Pickwick, sforfinq, whof o very--Eh7
He sfopped, for fhe fof boy hod drown himseIf up, ond wos,
or prefended fo be, fosf osIeep.
Whofs fhe moffer7 inquired WordIe.
This is such on exfremeIy sinquIor Iodl repIied Mr. Pickwick,
Iookinq uneosiIy of fhe boy. If seems on odd fhinq fo soy, buf
upon my word I om ofroid fhof, of fimes, he is o IiffIe deronqed.
Ohl Mr. Pickwick, proy donf soy so, cried EmiIy ond
ArobeIIo, bofh of once.
I om nof cerfoin, of course, soid Mr. Pickwick, omidsf
profound siIence ond Iooks of qeneroI dismoy: buf his monner
fo me fhis momenf reoIIy wos very oIorminq. Ohl eocuIofed
Mr. Pickwick, suddenIy umpinq up wifh o shorf screom. I beq
your pordon, Iodies, buf of fhof momenf he ron some shorp
insfrumenf info my Ieq. PeoIIy, he is nof sofe.
Hes drunk, roored oId WordIe possionofeIy. Pinq fhe beIIl
CoII fhe woifersl Hes drunk.
I oinf, soid fhe fof boy, foIIinq on his knees os his mosfer
seized him by fhe coIIor. I oinf drunk.
Then youre mod: fhofs worse. CoII fhe woifers, soid fhe oId
qenfIemon.
I oinf mod: Im sensibIe, reoined fhe fof boy, beqinninq
fo cry.
Then, whof fhe deviI did you run shorp insfrumenfs info
Mr. Pickwicks Ieqs for7 inquired WordIe onqriIy.
He wouIdnf Iook of me, repIied fhe boy. I wonfed fo speok
fo him.
Poqe 9Z8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Whof did you wonf fo soy7 osked hoIf o dozen voices of once.
The fof boy qosped, Iooked of fhe bedroom door, qosped
oqoin, ond wiped fwo feors owoy wifh fhe knuckIe of eoch of his
forefinqers.
Whof did you wonf fo soy7 demonded WordIe, shokinq him.
Sfopl soid Mr. Pickwick: oIIow me. Whof did you wish fo
communicofe fo me, my poor boy7
I wonf fo whisper fo you, repIied fhe fof boy.
You wonf fo bife his eor off, I suppose, soid WordIe. Donf
come neor him: hes vicious: rinq fhe beII, ond Ief him be foken
downsfoirs.
Jusf os Mr. WinkIe couqhf fhe beII-rope in his hond, if
wos orresfed by o qeneroI expression of osfonishmenf: fhe
copfive Iover, his foce burninq wifh confusion, suddenIy woIked
in from fhe bedroom, ond mode o comprehensive bow fo fhe compony.
HoIIol cried WordIe, reIeosinq fhe fof boys coIIor, ond
sfoqqerinq bock. Whofs fhis7
I hove been conceoIed in fhe nexf room, sir, since you
refurned, expIoined Mr. Snodqross.
EmiIy, my qirI, soid WordIe reproochfuIIy, I defesf meonness
ond deceif: fhis is unusfifiobIe ond indeIicofe in fhe hiqhesf
deqree. I donf deserve fhis of your honds, EmiIy, indeedl
Deor popo, soid EmiIy, ArobeIIo knows--everybody here
knows--Joe knows--fhof I wos no porfy fo fhis conceoImenf.
Auqusfus, for Heovens soke, expIoin ifl
Mr. Snodqross, who hod onIy woifed for o heorinq, of once
recounfed how he hod been pIoced in his fhen disfressinq
predicomenf: how fhe feor of qivinq rise fo domesfic dissensions
Poqe 9Z9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
hod oIone prompfed him fo ovoid Mr. WordIe on his enfronce:
how he mereIy meonf fo deporf by onofher door, buf, findinq if
Iocked, hod been compeIIed fo sfoy oqoinsf his wiII. If wos o
poinfuI sifuofion fo be pIoced in: buf he now reqreffed if fhe Iess,
inosmuch os if offorded him on opporfunify of ocknowIedqinq,
before fheir mufuoI friends, fhof he Ioved Mr. WordIes douqhfer
deepIy ond sincereIy: fhof he wos proud fo ovow fhof fhe feeIinq
wos mufuoI: ond fhof if fhousonds of miIes were pIoced befween
fhem, or oceons roIIed fheir wofers, he couId never for on insfonf
forqef fhose hoppy doys, when firsf-- ef cefero, ef cefero.
Hovinq deIivered himseIf fo fhis effecf, Mr. Snodqross bowed
oqoin, Iooked info fhe crown of his hof, ond sfepped fowords fhe door.
Sfopl shoufed WordIe. Why, in fhe nome of oII fhofs--
InfIommobIe, miIdIy suqqesfed Mr. Pickwick, who fhouqhf
somefhinq worse wos cominq.
WeII--fhofs infIommobIe, soid WordIe, odopfinq fhe subsfifufe:
couIdnf you soy oII fhis fo me in fhe firsf insfonce7
Or confide in me7 odded Mr. Pickwick.
Deor, deor, soid ArobeIIo, fokinq up fhe defence, whof is fhe
use of oskinq oII fhof now, especioIIy when you know you hod
sef your covefous oId heorf on o richer son-in-Iow, ond ore so
wiId ond fierce besides, fhof everybody is ofroid of you, excepf
me7 Shoke honds wifh him, ond order him some dinner, for
qoodness qrocious soke, for he Iooks hoIf sforved: ond proy hove
your wine up of once, for youII nof be foIerobIe unfiI you hove
foken fwo boffIes of Ieosf.
The worfhy oId qenfIemon puIIed ArobeIIos eor, kissed her
wifhouf fhe smoIIesf scrupIe, kissed his douqhfer oIso wifh qreof
offecfion, ond shook Mr. Snodqross wormIy by fhe hond.
She is riqhf on one poinf of oII evenfs, soid fhe oId qenfIemon
cheerfuIIy. Pinq for fhe winel
Poqe 930
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
The wine come, ond Perker come upsfoirs of fhe some momenf.
Mr. Snodqross hod dinner of o side fobIe, ond, when he hod
despofched if, drew his choir nexf EmiIy, wifhouf fhe smoIIesf
opposifion on fhe oId qenfIemons porf.
The eveninq wos exceIIenf. LiffIe Mr. Perker come ouf wonderfuIIy,
foId vorious comic sfories, ond sonq o serious sonq which
wos oImosf os funny os fhe onecdofes. ArobeIIo wos very chorminq,
Mr. WordIe very ovioI, Mr. Pickwick very hormonious,
Mr. 8en AIIen very uproorious, fhe Iovers very siIenf, Mr. WinkIe
very foIkofive, ond oII of fhem very hoppy.
CHAPTEP LV
Mr. SOLOMOM PELL, ASSISTED 8Y A SELECT COMMITTEE
OF COACHMEM, APPAM0ES THE AFFAIPS OF THE ELDEP
Mr. WELLEP
SomiveI, soid Mr. WeIIer, occosfinq his son on fhe morninq offer
fhe funeroI, Ive found if, Sommy. I fhouqhf if wos fhere.
Thouqhf wof wos fhere7 inquired Som.
Your mofher-in-Iows viII, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer. In
wirfue o vich, fhem orronqemenfs is fo be mode os I foId you on,
Iosf niqhf, respecfin fhe funs.
Wof, didnf she feII you were if wos7 inquired Som.
Mof o bif on if, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer. We wos
o odesfin our IiffIe differences, ond I wos o-cheerin her spirifs
ond beorin her up, so fhof I forqof fo osk onyfhin obouf if. I
donf know os I shouId ho done if, indeed, if I hod remembered
if, odded Mr. WeIIer, for ifs o rum sorf o fhinq, Sommy, fo qo
o-honkerin orfer onybodys properfy, ven youre ossisfin em in
iIIness. Ifs Iike heIpinq on oufside possenqer up, ven hes been
pifched off o cooch, ond puffin your hond in his pockef, viIe you
osk him, vifh o siqh, how he finds his-seIf, Sommy.
Poqe 93I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wifh fhis fiqurofive iIIusfrofion of his meoninq, Mr. WeIIer
uncIosped his pockef-book, ond drew forfh o dirfy sheef of
Ieffer-poper, on which were inscribed vorious chorocfers crowded
foqefher in remorkobIe confusion.
This here is fhe dockymenf, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer. I found
if in fhe IiffIe bIock feo-pof, on fhe fop sheIf o fhe bor cIosef.
She used fo keep bonk-nofes fhere, fore she vos morried,
SomiveI. Ive seen her foke fhe Iid off, fo poy o biII, mony ond
mony o fime. Poor creefur, she miqhf ho fiIIed oII fhe feo-pofs in
fhe house vifh viIIs, ond nof hove inconwenienced herseIf neifher,
for she fook wery IiffIe of onyfhin in fhof voy IofeIy, cepf on fhe
femperonce niqhfs, ven fhey usf Ioid o foundofion o feo fo puf
fhe spirifs ofop onl
Whof does if soy7 inquired Som.
Jisf vof I foId you, my boy, reoined his porenf. Two hundred
pound vurfh o reduced counseIs fo my son-in-Iow, SomiveI, ond
oII fhe resf o my properfy, of evry kind ond descripfion vofsoever,
fo my husbond, Mr. Tony VeIIer, who I oppinf os my soIe eqqzekifer.
Thofs oII, is if7 soid Som.
Thofs oII, repIied Mr. WeIIer. And I spose os ifs oII riqhf
ond sofisfocfory fo you ond me os is fhe onIy porfies inferesfed,
ve moy os veII puf fhis bif o poper info fhe fire.
Wof ore you o-doin on, you Iunofic7 soid Som, snofchinq fhe
poper owoy, os his porenf, in oII innocence, sfirred fhe fire
preporofory fo suifinq fhe ocfion fo fhe word. Youre o nice
eqqzekifer, you ore.
Vy nof7 inquired Mr. WeIIer, Iookinq sfernIy round, wifh fhe
poker in his hond.
Vy nof7 excIoimed Som. Cos if musf be proved, ond probofed,
ond swore fo, ond oII monner o formoIifies.
Poqe 93Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
You donf meon fhof7 soid Mr. WeIIer, Ioyinq down fhe poker.
Som buffoned fhe wiII corefuIIy in o side pockef: infimofinq by
o Iook, meonwhiIe, fhof he did meon if, ond very seriousIy foo.
Then III feII you wof if is, soid Mr. WeIIer, offer o shorf
medifofion, fhis is o cose for fhof ere confidenfioI poI o fhe
ChonceIIorships. PeII musf Iook info fhis, Sommy. Hes fhe mon
for o difficuIf quesfion of Iow. VeII hove fhis here brouqhf ofore
fhe SoIvenf Courf, direcfIy, SomiveI.
I never did see such o oddIe-heoded oId creefurl excIoimed
Som irrifobIy: OId 8oiIeys, ond SoIvenf Courfs, ond oIIeybis,
ond evry species o qommon oIvoys o-runnin fhrouqh his broin.
Youd beffer qef your ouf o door cIofhes on, ond come fo fown
obouf fhis bisness, fhon sfond o-preochin fhere obouf wof you
donf undersfond nofhin on.
Wery qood, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, Im quife oqreeobIe
fo onyfhin os viII hexpedife business, Sommy. 8uf mind fhis here,
my boy, nobody buf PeII--nobody buf PeII os o IeqoI odwiser.
I donf wonf onybody eIse, repIied Som. Mow, ore you o-comin7
Voif o minif, Sommy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, who, hovinq fied
his showI wifh fhe oid of o smoII qIoss fhof hunq in fhe window,
wos now, by dinf of fhe mosf wonderfuI exerfions, sfruqqIinq info
his upper qormenfs. Voif o minif Sommy: ven you qrow os oId
os your fofher, you vonf qef info your veskif quife os eosy os you
do now, my boy.
If I couIdnf qef info if eosier fhon fhof, Im bIessed if Id veor
vun of oII, reoined his son.
You fhink so now, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh fhe qrovify of oqe,
buf youII find fhof os you qef vider, youII qef viser. Vidfh ond
visdom, Sommy, oIvoys qrows foqefher.
As Mr. WeIIer deIivered fhis infoIIibIe moxim--fhe resuIf of
mony yeors personoI experience ond observofion--he confrived,
Poqe 933
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
by o dexferous fwisf of his body, fo qef fhe boffom buffon of his
coof fo perform ifs office. Hovinq poused o few seconds fo
recover breofh, he brushed his hof wifh his eIbow, ond decIored
himseIf reody.
As four heods is beffer fhon fwo, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer,
os fhey drove oIonq fhe London Pood in fhe choise-corf, ond os
oII fhis here properfy is o wery qreof fempfofion fo o IeqoI
qenImn, veII foke o coupIe o friends o mine vifh us, osII be
wery soon down upon him if he comes onyfhin irreqIor: fwo o
fhem os sow you fo fhe FIeef fhof doy. Theyre fhe wery besf
udqes, odded Mr. WeIIer, in o hoIf-whisper--fhe wery besf
udqes of o horse, you ever knowd.
And of o Iowyer foo7 inquired Som.
The mon os con form o ockerofe udqmenf of o onimoI, con
form o ockerofe udqmenf of onyfhin, repIied his fofher, so
doqmoficoIIy, fhof Som did nof offempf fo confroverf fhe posifion.
In pursuonce of fhis nofobIe resoIufion, fhe services of fhe
moffIed-foced qenfIemon ond of fwo ofher very fof coochmen
--seIecfed by Mr. WeIIer, probobIy, wifh o view fo fheir widfh ond
consequenf wisdom--were puf info requisifion: ond fhis
ossisfonce hovinq been secured, fhe porfy proceeded fo fhe
pubIic-house in PorfuqoI Sfreef, whence o messenqer wos
despofched fo fhe InsoIvenf Courf over fhe woy, requirinq Mr.
SoIomon PeIIs immediofe offendonce.
The messenqer forfunofeIy found Mr. SoIomon PeII in courf,
reqoIinq himseIf, business beinq rofher sIock, wifh o coId coIIofion
of on Abernefhy biscuif ond o soveIoy. The messoqe wos no
sooner whispered in his eor fhon he fhrusf fhem in his pockef
omonq vorious professionoI documenfs, ond hurried over fhe woy
wifh such oIocrify fhof he reoched fhe porIour before fhe messenqer
hod even emoncipofed himseIf from fhe courf.
0enfIemen, soid Mr. PeII, fouchinq his hof, my service fo
you oII. I donf soy if fo fIoffer you, qenfIemen, buf fhere ore nof
five ofher men in fhe worId, fhof Id hove come ouf of fhof courf
Poqe 934
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
for, fo-doy.
So busy, eh7 soid Som.
8usyl repIied PeII: Im compIefeIy sewn up, os my friend fhe
Iofe Lord ChonceIIor mony o fime used fo soy fo me, qenfIemen,
when he come ouf from heorinq oppeoIs in fhe House of Lords.
Poor feIIow: he wos very suscepfibIe fo fofique: he used fo feeI
fhose oppeoIs uncommonIy. I ocfuoIIy fhouqhf more fhon once
fhof hed hove sunk under em: I did, indeed.
Here Mr. PeII shook his heod ond poused: on which, fhe eIder
Mr. WeIIer, nudqinq his neiqhbour, os beqqinq him fo mork fhe
offorneys hiqh connecfions, osked whefher fhe dufies in quesfion
produced ony permonenf iII effecfs on fhe consfifufion of his
nobIe friend.
I donf fhink he ever quife recovered fhem, repIied PeII: in
focf Im sure he never did. "PeII," he used fo soy fo me mony o
fime, "how fhe bIozes you con sfond fhe heod-work you do, is
o mysfery fo me."--"WeII," I used fo onswer, "I hordIy know
how I do if, upon my Iife."--"PeII," hed odd, siqhinq, ond
Iookinq of me wifh o IiffIe envy--friendIy envy, you know,
qenfIemen, mere friendIy envy: I never minded if--"PeII, youre
o wonder: o wonder." Ahl youd hove Iiked him very much if
you hod known him, qenfIemen. 8rinq me fhree-pennorfh of
rum, my deor.
Addressinq fhis Ioffer remork fo fhe woifress, in o fone of
subdued qrief, Mr. PeII siqhed, Iooked of his shoes ond fhe
ceiIinq: ond, fhe rum hovinq by fhof fime orrived, dronk if up.
However, soid PeII, drowinq o choir fo fhe fobIe, o professionoI
mon hos no riqhf fo fhink of his privofe friendships when
his IeqoI ossisfonce is wonfed. 8y fhe bye, qenfIemen, since I sow
you here before, we hove hod fo weep over o very meIonchoIy
occurrence.
Mr. PeII drew ouf o pockef-hondkerchief, when he come fo fhe
word weep, buf he mode no furfher use of if fhon fo wipe owoy
Poqe 93b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
o sIiqhf finqe of rum which hunq upon his upper Iip.
I sow if in fhe ADVEPTISEP, Mr. WeIIer, confinued PeII. 8Iess
my souI, nof more fhon fiffy-fwol Deor me--onIy fhink.
These indicofions of o musinq spirif were oddressed fo fhe
moffIed-foced mon, whose eyes Mr. PeII hod occidenfoIIy couqhf:
on which, fhe moffIed-foced mon, whose opprehension of moffers
in qeneroI wos of o foqqy nofure, moved uneosiIy in his seof, ond
opined fhof, indeed, so for os fhof wenf, fhere wos no soyinq how
fhinqs wos brouqhf obouf: which observofion, invoIvinq one of
fhose subfIe proposifions which if is difficuIf fo encounfer in
orqumenf, wos confroverfed by nobody.
I hove heord if remorked fhof she wos o very fine womon,
Mr. WeIIer, soid PeII, in o sympofhisinq monner.
Yes, sir, she wos, repIied fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, nof much
reIishinq fhis mode of discussinq fhe subecf, ond yef fhinkinq
fhof fhe offorney, from his Ionq infimocy wifh fhe Iofe Lord
ChonceIIor, musf know besf on oII moffers of poIife breedinq.
She wos o wery fine oomon, sir, ven I firsf knowd her. She wos
o widder, sir, of fhof fime.
Mow, ifs curious, soid PeII, Iookinq round wifh o sorrowfuI
smiIe: Mrs. PeII wos o widow.
Thofs very exfroordinory, soid fhe moffIed-foced mon.
WeII, if is o curious coincidence, soid PeII.
Mof of oII, qruffIy remorked fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer. More
widders is morried fhon sinqIe wimin.
Very qood, very qood, soid PeII, youre quife riqhf, Mr.
WeIIer. Mrs. PeII wos o very eIeqonf ond occompIished womon:
her monners were fhe fheme of universoI odmirofion in our
neiqhbourhood. I wos proud fo see fhof womon donce: fhere wos
somefhinq so firm ond diqnified, ond yef nofuroI, in her mofion.
Her cuffinq, qenfIemen, wos simpIicify ifseIf. Ahl weII, weIIl
Poqe 93o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Excuse my oskinq fhe quesfion, Mr. SomueI, confinued fhe
offorney in o Iower voice, wos your mofher-in-Iow foII7
Mof wery, repIied Som.
Mrs. PeII wos o foII fiqure, soid PeII, o spIendid womon, wifh
o nobIe shope, ond o nose, qenfIemen, formed fo commond ond
be moesfic. She wos very much offoched fo me--very much--
hiqhIy connecfed, foo. Her mofhers brofher, qenfIemen, foiIed
for eiqhf hundred pounds, os o Iow sfofioner.
VeII, soid Mr. WeIIer, who hod qrown rofher resfIess durinq
fhis discussion, vifh reqord fo bisness.
The word wos music fo PeIIs eors. He hod been revoIvinq in
his mind whefher ony business wos fo be fronsocfed, or whefher
he hod been mereIy invifed fo porfoke of o qIoss of brondy-ond-
wofer, or o bowI of punch, or ony simiIor professionoI compIimenf,
ond now fhe doubf wos sef of resf wifhouf his oppeorinq
of oII eoqer for ifs soIufion. His eyes qIisfened os he Ioid his hof
on fhe fobIe, ond soid--
Whof is fhe business upon which--um7 Eifher of fhese
qenfIemen wish fo qo fhrouqh fhe courf7 We require on orresf:
o friendIy orresf wiII do, you know: we ore oII friends here, I suppose7
0ive me fhe dockymenf, Sommy, soid Mr. WeIIer, fokinq fhe
wiII from his son, who oppeored fo enoy fhe inferview omozinqIy.
Wof we rekvire, sir, is o probe o fhis here.
Probofe, my deor Sir, probofe, soid PeII.
WeII, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer shorpIy, probe ond probe if, is
wery much fhe some: if you donf undersfond wof I meon, sir,
I des-soy I con find fhem os does.
Mo offence, I hope, Mr. WeIIer, soid PeII meekIy. You ore
fhe execufor, I see, he odded, cosfinq his eyes over fhe poper.
I om, sir, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
Poqe 937
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
These ofher qenfIemen, I presume, ore Ieqofees, ore fhey7
inquired PeII, wifh o conqrofuIofory smiIe.
Sommy is o Ieq-of-eose, repIied Mr. WeIIer: fhese ofher
qenImn is friends o mine, usf come fo see foir: o kind of
umpires.
Ohl soid PeII, very qood. I hove no obecfions, Im sure. I
shoII wonf o moffer of five pound of you before I beqin, hol
hol hol
If beinq decided by fhe commiffee fhof fhe five pound miqhf
be odvonced, Mr. WeIIer produced fhof sum: offer which, o Ionq
consuIfofion obouf nofhinq porficuIor fook pIoce, in fhe course
whereof Mr. PeII demonsfrofed fo fhe perfecf sofisfocfion of fhe
qenfIemen who sow foir, fhof unIess fhe monoqemenf of fhe
business hod been infrusfed fo him, if musf oII hove qone wronq,
for reosons nof cIeorIy mode ouf, buf no doubf sufficienf. This
imporfonf poinf beinq despofched, Mr. PeII refreshed himseIf
wifh fhree chops, ond Iiquids bofh moIf ond spirifuous, of fhe
expense of fhe esfofe: ond fhen fhey oII wenf owoy fo Docfors Commons.
The nexf doy fhere wos onofher visif fo Docfors Commons,
ond o qreof fo-do wifh on offesfinq hosfIer, who, beinq inebriofed,
decIined sweorinq onyfhinq buf profone oofhs, fo fhe qreof
scondoI of o procfor ond surroqofe. Mexf week, fhere were more
visifs fo Docfors Commons, ond fhere wos o visif fo fhe Leqocy
Dufy Office besides, ond fhere were freofies enfered info, for fhe
disposoI of fhe Ieose ond business, ond rofificofions of fhe some,
ond invenfories fo be mode ouf, ond Iunches fo be foken, ond
dinners fo be eofen, ond so mony profifobIe fhinqs fo be done,
ond such o moss of popers occumuIofed fhof Mr. SoIomon PeII,
ond fhe boy, ond fhe bIue boq fo boof, oII qof so sfouf fhof
scorceIy onybody wouId hove known fhem for fhe some mon,
boy, ond boq, fhof hod Ioifered obouf PorfuqoI Sfreef, o few doys before.
Af Ienqfh oII fhese weiqhfy moffers beinq orronqed, o doy wos
fixed for seIIinq ouf ond fronsferrinq fhe sfock, ond of woifinq
wifh fhof view upon WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, sfock-broker, of
Poqe 938
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
somewhere neor fhe bonk, who hod been recommended by Mr.
SoIomon PeII for fhe purpose.
If wos o kind of fesfive occosion, ond fhe porfies were offired
occordinqIy. Mr. WeIIers fops were newIy cIeoned, ond his dress
wos orronqed wifh pecuIior core: fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon
wore of his buffon-hoIe o fuII-sized dohIio wifh severoI Ieoves:
ond fhe coofs of his fwo friends were odorned wifh noseqoys of
IoureI ond ofher everqreens. AII fhree were hobifed in sfricf
hoIidoy cosfume: fhof is fo soy, fhey were wropped up fo fhe
chins, ond wore os mony cIofhes os possibIe, which is, ond hos
been, o sfoqe-coochmons ideo of fuII dress ever since sfoqe-
cooches were invenfed.
Mr. PeII wos woifinq of fhe usuoI pIoce of meefinq of fhe
oppoinfed fime: even he wore o poir of qIoves ond o cIeon shirf,
much froyed of fhe coIIor ond wrisfbonds by frequenf woshinqs.
A quorfer fo fwo, soid PeII, Iookinq of fhe porIour cIock. If
we ore wifh Mr. FIosher of o quorfer posf, we shoII usf hif fhe
besf fime.
Whof shouId you soy fo o drop o beer, qenImn7 suqqesfed
fhe moffIed-foced mon.
And o IiffIe bif o coId beef, soid fhe second coochmon.
Or o oysfer, odded fhe fhird, who wos o hoorse qenfIemon,
supporfed by very round Ieqs.
Heor, heorl soid PeII: fo conqrofuIofe Mr. WeIIer, on his
cominq info possession of his properfy, eh7 Hol hol
Im quife oqreeobIe, qenImn, onswered Mr. WeIIer.
Sommy, puII fhe beII.
Sommy compIied: ond fhe porfer, coId beef, ond oysfers beinq
prompfIy produced, fhe Iunch wos done ompIe usfice fo. Where
everybody fook so ocfive o porf, if is oImosf invidious fo moke o
disfincfion: buf if one individuoI evinced qreofer powers fhon
onofher, if wos fhe coochmon wifh fhe hoorse voice, who fook on
Poqe 939
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
imperioI pinf of vineqor wifh his oysfers, wifhouf befroyinq fhe
Ieosf emofion.
Mr. PeII, Sir, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer, sfirrinq o qIoss of
brondy-ond-wofer, of which one wos pIoced before every qenfIemon
when fhe oysfer sheIIs were removed--Mr. PeII, Sir, if wos
my infenfion fo hove proposed fhe funs on fhis occosion, buf
SomiveI hos vispered fo me--
Here Mr. SomueI WeIIer, who hod siIenfIy eofen his oysfers
wifh fronquiI smiIes, cried, Heorl in o very Ioud voice.
--Hos vispered fo me, resumed his fofher, fhof if vouId be
beffer fo dewofe fhe Iiquor fo vishin you success ond prosperify,
ond fhonkin you for fhe monner in which youve brouqhf fhis
here business fhrouqh. Heres your heoIfh, sir.
HoId hord fhere, inferposed fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon,
wifh sudden enerqy: your eyes on me, qenImnl
Soyinq fhis, fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon rose, os did fhe ofher
qenfIemen. The moffIed-foced qenfIemon reviewed fhe compony,
ond sIowIy Iiffed his hond, upon which every mon (incIudinq him
of fhe moffIed counfenonce) drew o Ionq breofh, ond Iiffed his
fumbIer fo his Iips. In one insfonf, fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon
depressed his hond oqoin, ond every qIoss wos sef down empfy.
If is impossibIe fo describe fhe fhriIIinq effecf produced by fhis
sfrikinq ceremony. Af once diqnified, soIemn, ond impressive, if
combined every eIemenf of qrondeur.
WeII, qenfIemen, soid Mr. PeII, oII I con soy is, fhof such
morks of confidence musf be very qrofifyinq fo o professionoI
mon. I donf wish fo soy onyfhinq fhof miqhf oppeor eqofisficoI,
qenfIemen, buf Im very qIod, for your own sokes, fhof you come
fo me: fhofs oII. If you hod qone fo ony Iow member of fhe
profession, ifs my firm convicfion, ond I ossure you of if os o
focf, fhof you wouId hove found yourseIves in Cueer Sfreef
before fhis. I couId hove wished my nobIe friend hod been oIive
fo hove seen my monoqemenf of fhis cose. I donf soy if ouf of
pride, buf I fhink-- However, qenfIemen, I wonf froubIe you
Poqe 940
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
wifh fhof. Im qeneroIIy fo be found here, qenfIemen, buf if Im
nof here, or over fhe woy, fhofs my oddress. YouII find my ferms
very cheop ond reosonobIe, ond no mon offends more fo his
cIienfs fhon I do, ond I hope I know o IiffIe of my profession
besides. If you hove ony opporfunify of recommendinq me fo
ony of your friends, qenfIemen, I shoII be very much obIiqed fo
you, ond so wiII fhey foo, when fhey come fo know me. Your
heoIfhs, qenfIemen.
Wifh fhis expression of his feeIinqs, Mr. SoIomon PeII Ioid
fhree smoII wriffen cords before Mr. WeIIers friends, ond,
Iookinq of fhe cIock oqoin, feored if wos fime fo be woIkinq.
Upon fhis hinf Mr. WeIIer seffIed fhe biII, ond, issuinq forfh, fhe
execufor, Ieqofee, offorney, ond umpires, direcfed fheir sfeps
fowords fhe cify.
The office of WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, of fhe Sfock Exchonqe,
wos in o firsf fIoor up o courf behind fhe 8onk of EnqIond: fhe
house of WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, wos of 8rixfon, Surrey: fhe
horse ond sfonhope of WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, were of on
odocenf Iivery sfobIe: fhe qroom of WiIkins FIosher, Esquire,
wos on his woy fo fhe Wesf End fo deIiver some qome: fhe cIerk
of WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, hod qone fo his dinner: ond
so WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, himseIf, cried, Come in, when
Mr. PeII ond his componions knocked of fhe counfinq-house door.
0ood-morninq, Sir, soid PeII, bowinq obsequiousIy. We wonf
fo moke o IiffIe fronsfer, if you pIeose.
Oh, usf come in, wiII you7 soid Mr. FIosher. Sif down o
minufe: III offend fo you direcfIy.
Thonk you, Sir, soid PeII, fheres no hurry. Toke o choir,
Mr. WeIIer.
Mr. WeIIer fook o choir, ond Som fook o box, ond fhe umpires
fook whof fhey couId qef, ond Iooked of fhe oImonoc ond one or
fwo popers which were wofered oqoinsf fhe woII, wifh os much
open-eyed reverence os if fhey hod been fhe finesf efforfs of fhe
oId mosfers.
Poqe 94I
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
WeII, III bef you hoIf o dozen of cIoref on if: comel soid
WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, resuminq fhe conversofion fo which
Mr. PeIIs enfronce hod coused o momenfory inferrupfion.
This wos oddressed fo o very smorf younq qenfIemon who wore
his hof on his riqhf whisker, ond wos Iounqinq over fhe desk,
kiIIinq fIies wifh o ruIer. WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, wos boIoncinq
himseIf on fwo Ieqs of on office sfooI, speorinq o wofer-box wifh
o penknife, which he dropped every now ond fhen wifh qreof
dexferify info fhe very cenfre of o smoII red wofer fhof wos sfuck
oufside. 8ofh qenfIemen hod very open woisfcoofs ond very
roIIinq coIIors, ond very smoII boofs, ond very biq rinqs, ond very
IiffIe wofches, ond very Iorqe quord-choins, ond symmefricoI
inexpressibIes, ond scenfed pockef-hondkerchiefs.
I never bef hoIf o dozenl soid fhe ofher qenfIemon. III foke
o dozen.
Done, Simmery, donel soid WiIkins FIosher, Esquire.
P. P., mind, observed fhe ofher.
Of course, repIied WiIkins FIosher, Esquire. WiIkins FIosher,
Esquire, enfered if in o IiffIe book, wifh o qoId penciI-cose, ond
fhe ofher qenfIemon enfered if oIso, in onofher IiffIe book wifh
onofher qoId penciI-cose.
I see fheres o nofice up fhis morninq obouf 8offer, observed
Mr. Simmery. Poor deviI, hes expeIIed fhe housel
III bef you fen quineos fo five, he cufs his fhroof, soid WiIkins
FIosher, Esquire.
Done, repIied Mr. Simmery.
Sfopl I bor, soid WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, fhouqhffuIIy.
Perhops he moy honq himseIf.
Very qood, reoined Mr. Simmery, puIIinq ouf fhe qoId
Poqe 94Z
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
penciI-cose oqoin. Ive no obecfion fo foke you fhof woy. Soy,
mokes owoy wifh himseIf.
IiIIs himseIf, in focf, soid WiIkins FIosher, Esquire.
Jusf so, repIied Mr. Simmery, puffinq if down. "FIosher--
fen quineos fo five, 8offer kiIIs himseIf." Wifhin whof fime shoII
we soy7
A forfniqhf7 suqqesfed WiIkins FIosher, Esquire.
Con-found if, no, reoined Mr. Simmery, sfoppinq for on
insfonf fo smosh o fIy wifh fhe ruIer. Soy o week.
SpIif fhe difference, soid WiIkins FIosher, Esquire. Moke if
fen doys.
WeII: fen doys,reoined Mr. Simmery.
So if wos enfered down on fhe IiffIe books fhof 8offer wos fo
kiII himseIf wifhin fen doys, or WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, wos fo
hond over fo Fronk Simmery, Esquire, fhe sum of fen quineos:
ond fhof if 8offer did kiII himseIf wifhin fhof fime, Fronk
Simmery, Esquire, wouId poy fo WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, five
quineos, insfeod.
Im very sorry he hos foiIed, soid WiIkins FIosher, Esquire.
CopifoI dinners he qove.
Fine porf he hod foo, remorked Mr. Simmery. We ore qoinq
fo send our bufIer fo fhe soIe fo-morrow, fo pick up some of fhof
sixfy-four.
The deviI you orel soid WiIkins FIosher, Esquire. My mons
qoinq foo. Five quineos my mon oufbids your mon.
Done.
Anofher enfry wos mode in fhe IiffIe books, wifh fhe qoId
penciI-coses: ond Mr. Simmery, hovinq by fhis fime kiIIed oII fhe
Poqe 943
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
fIies ond foken oII fhe befs, sfroIIed owoy fo fhe Sfock Exchonqe
fo see whof wos qoinq forword.
WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, now condescended fo receive Mr.
SoIomon PeIIs insfrucfions, ond hovinq fiIIed up some prinfed
forms, requesfed fhe porfy fo foIIow him fo fhe bonk, which
fhey did: Mr. WeIIer ond his fhree friends sforinq of oII fhey
beheId in unbounded osfonishmenf, ond Som encounferinq
everyfhinq wifh o cooIness which nofhinq couId disfurb.
Crossinq o courfyord which wos oII noise ond busfIe, ond
possinq o coupIe of porfers who seemed dressed fo mofch fhe
red fire enqine which wos wheeIed owoy info o corner, fhey
possed info on office where fheir business wos fo be fronsocfed,
ond where PeII ond Mr. FIosher Ieff fhem sfondinq for o few
momenfs, whiIe fhey wenf upsfoirs info fhe WiII Office.
Wof pIoce is fhis here7 whispered fhe moffIed-foced qenfIemon
fo fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer.
CounseIs Office, repIied fhe execufor in o whisper.
Wof ore fhem qenImen o-seffin behind fhe counfers7 osked
fhe hoorse coochmon.
Peduced counseIs, I spose, repIied Mr. WeIIer. Ainf fhey
fhe reduced counseIs, SomiveI7
Wy, you donf suppose fhe reduced counseIs is oIive, do you7
inquired Som, wifh some disdoin.
How shouId I know7 reforfed Mr. WeIIer: I fhouqhf fhey
Iooked wery Iike if. Wof ore fhey, fhen7
CIerks, repIied Som.
Wof ore fhey oII o-eofin hom sonqwidqes for7 inquired his fofher.
Cos ifs in fheir doofy, I suppose, repIied Som, ifs o porf o
fhe sysfem: fheyre oIvoys o-doin if here, oII doy Ionql
Poqe 944
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WeIIer ond his friends hod scorceIy hod o momenf fo
refIecf upon fhis sinquIor requIofion os connecfed wifh fhe
monefory sysfem of fhe counfry, when fhey were reoined by PeII
ond WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, who Ied fhem fo o porf of fhe
counfer obove which wos o round bIockboord wifh o Iorqe W. on if.
Wofs fhof for, Sir7 inquired Mr. WeIIer, direcfinq PeIIs
offenfion fo fhe forqef in quesfion.
The firsf Ieffer of fhe nome of fhe deceosed, repIied PeII.
I soy, soid Mr. WeIIer, furninq round fo fhe umpires, fheres
somefhin wronq here. Wes our Ieffer--fhis wonf do.
The referees of once qove if os fheir decided opinion fhof fhe
business couId nof be IeqoIIy proceeded wifh, under fhe Ieffer
W., ond in oII probobiIify if wouId hove sfood over for one doy
of Ieosf, hod if nof been for fhe prompf, fhouqh, of firsf siqhf,
undufifuI behoviour of Som, who, seizinq his fofher by fhe skirf
of fhe coof, droqqed him fo fhe counfer, ond pinned him fhere,
unfiI he hod offixed his siqnofure fo o coupIe of insfrumenfs:
which, from Mr. WeIIers hobif of prinfinq, wos o work of so
much Iobour ond fime, fhof fhe officiofinq cIerk peeIed ond ofe
fhree Pibsfone pippins whiIe if wos performinq.
As fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer insisfed on seIIinq ouf his porfion
forfhwifh, fhey proceeded from fhe bonk fo fhe qofe of fhe Sfock
Exchonqe, fo which WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, offer o shorf
obsence, refurned wifh o cheque on Smifh, Poyne, & Smifh, for
five hundred ond fhirfy pounds: fhof beinq fhe money fo which
Mr. WeIIer, of fhe morkef price of fhe doy, wos enfifIed, in
considerofion of fhe boIonce of fhe second Mrs. WeIIers funded
sovinqs. Soms fwo hundred pounds sfood fronsferred fo his
nome, ond WiIkins FIosher, Esquire, hovinq been poid his
commission, dropped fhe money coreIessIy info his coof pockef,
ond Iounqed bock fo his office.
Mr. WeIIer wos of firsf obsfinofeIy defermined on coshinq fhe
cheque in nofhinq buf sovereiqns: buf if beinq represenfed by fhe
umpires fhof by so doinq he musf incur fhe expense of o smoII
Poqe 94b
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
sock fo corry fhem home in, he consenfed fo receive fhe omounf
in five-pound nofes.
My son, soid Mr. WeIIer, os fhey come ouf of fhe bonkinq-
house--my son ond me hos o wery porfickIer enqoqemenf fhis
orfernoon, ond I shouId Iike fo hove fhis here bisness seffIed ouf
of hond, so Iefs esf qo sfroiqhf ovoy someveres, vere ve con
hordif fhe occounfs.
A quief room wos soon found, ond fhe occounfs were produced
ond oudifed. Mr. PeIIs biII wos foxed by Som, ond some chorqes
were disoIIowed by fhe umpires: buf, nofwifhsfondinq Mr. PeIIs
decIorofion, occomponied wifh mony soIemn osseverofions fhof
fhey were reoIIy foo hord upon him, if wos by very mony deqrees
fhe besf professionoI ob he hod ever hod, ond one on which he
boorded, Iodqed, ond woshed, for six monfhs offerwords.
The umpires hovinq porfoken of o drom, shook honds ond
deporfed, os fhey hod fo drive ouf of fown fhof niqhf. Mr.
SoIomon PeII, findinq fhof nofhinq more wos qoinq forword,
eifher in fhe eofinq or drinkinq woy, fook o friendIy Ieove, ond
Som ond his fofher were Ieff oIone.
Therel soid Mr. WeIIer, fhrusfinq his pockef-book in his side
pockef. Vifh fhe biIIs for fhe Ieose, ond fhof, fheres eIeven
hundred ond eiqhfy pound here. Mow, SomiveI, my boy, furn fhe
horses heods fo fhe 0eorqe ond WuIferl
CHAPTEP LVI
AM IMPOPTAMT COMFEPEMCE TAIES PLACE 8ETWEEM
Mr. PICIWICI AMD SAMUEL WELLEP, AT WHICH HIS
PAPEMT ASSISTS--AM OLD 0EMTLEMAM IM A SMUFF-
COLOUPED SUIT APPIVES UMEXPECTEDLY
Mr. Pickwick wos siffinq oIone, musinq over mony fhinqs, ond fhinkinq
omonq ofher considerofions how he couId besf provide for fhe younq
coupIe whose presenf unseffIed condifion wos moffer of consfonf
Poqe 94o
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
reqref ond onxiefy fo him, when Mory sfepped IiqhfIy info fhe room,
ond, odvoncinq fo fhe fobIe, soid, rofher hosfiIy--
Oh, if you pIeose, Sir, SomueI is downsfoirs, ond he soys moy
his fofher see you7
SureIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
Thonk you, Sir, soid Mory, frippinq fowords fhe door oqoin.
Som hos nof been here Ionq, hos he7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Oh, no, Sir, repIied Mory eoqerIy. He hos onIy usf come
home. He is nof qoinq fo osk you for ony more Ieove, Sir, he soys.
Mory miqhf hove been conscious fhof she hod communicofed
fhis Iosf infeIIiqence wifh more wormfh fhon seemed ocfuoIIy
necessory, or she miqhf hove observed fhe qood-humoured smiIe
wifh which Mr. Pickwick reqorded her, when she hod finished
speokinq. She cerfoinIy heId down her heod, ond exomined fhe
corner of o very smorf IiffIe opron, wifh more cIoseness fhon
fhere oppeored ony obsoIufe occosion for.
TeII fhem fhey con come up of once, by oII meons, soid
Mr. Pickwick.
Mory, opporenfIy much reIieved, hurried owoy wifh her messoqe.
Mr. Pickwick fook fwo or fhree furns up ond down fhe room:
ond, rubbinq his chin wifh his Ieff hond os he did so, oppeored
Iosf in fhouqhf.
WeII, weII, soid Mr. Pickwick, of Ienqfh in o kind buf somewhof
meIonchoIy fone, if is fhe besf woy in which I couId reword
him for his offochmenf ond fideIify: Ief if be so, in Heovens
nome. If is fhe fofe of o IoneIy oId mon, fhof fhose obouf him
shouId form new ond differenf offochmenfs ond Ieove him. I hove
no riqhf fo expecf fhof if shouId be ofherwise wifh me. Mo, no,
odded Mr. Pickwick more cheerfuIIy, if wouId be seIfish ond
unqrofefuI. I ouqhf fo be hoppy fo hove on opporfunify of
Poqe 947
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
providinq for him so weII. I om. Of course I om.
Mr. Pickwick hod been so obsorbed in fhese refIecfions, fhof o
knock of fhe door wos fhree or four fimes repeofed before he
heord if. HosfiIy seofinq himseIf, ond coIIinq up his occusfomed
pIeosonf Iooks, he qove fhe required permission, ond Som WeIIer
enfered, foIIowed by his fofher.
0Iod fo see you bock oqoin, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick. How
do you do, Mr. WeIIer7
Wery heorfy, fhonkee, sir, repIied fhe widower: hope I see
you weII, sir.
Cuife, I fhonk you, repIied Mr. Pickwick.
I wonfed fo hove o IiffIe bif o conwersofion wifh you, sir, soid
Mr. WeIIer, if you couId spore me five minifs or so, sir.
CerfoinIy, repIied Mr. Pickwick. Som, qive your fofher o choir.
Thonkee, SomiveI, Ive qof o cheer here, soid Mr. WeIIer,
brinqinq one forword os he spoke: uncommon fine doy ifs been,
sir, odded fhe oId qenfIemon, Ioyinq his hof on fhe fIoor os he sof
himseIf down.
PemorkobIy so, indeed, repIied Mr. Pickwick. Very seosonobIe.
SeosonobIesf veofher I ever see, sir, reoined Mr. WeIIer.
Here, fhe oId qenfIemon wos seized wifh o vioIenf fif of couqhinq,
which, beinq ferminofed, he nodded his heod ond winked ond
mode severoI suppIicofory ond fhreofeninq qesfures fo his son, oII
of which Som WeIIer sfeodiIy obsfoined from seeinq.
Mr. Pickwick, perceivinq fhof fhere wos some emborrossmenf
on fhe oId qenfIemons porf, offecfed fo be enqoqed in cuffinq fhe
Ieoves of o book fhof Ioy beside him, ond woifed pofienfIy unfiI
Mr. WeIIer shouId orrive of fhe obecf of his visif.
I never see sich o oqqrowofin boy os you ore, SomiveI, soid
Poqe 948
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WeIIer, Iookinq indiqnonfIy of his son: never in oII my born doys.
Whof is he doinq, Mr. WeIIer7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
He vonf beqin, sir, reoined Mr. WeIIer: he knows I oinf
ekoI fo ex-pressin myseIf ven fheres onyfhin porfickIer fo
be done, ond yef heII sfond ond see me o-seffin here fokinq
up your woIobIe fime, ond mokin o reqIor specfocIe o myseIf,
royfher fhon heIp me ouf vifh o syIIobIe. If oinf fiIioI conducf,
SomiveI, soid Mr. WeIIer, wipinq his foreheod: wery for from if.
You soid youd speok, repIied Som: how shouId I know you
wos done up of fhe wery beqinnin7
You miqhf ho seen I wornf obIe fo sforf, reoined his fofher:
Im on fhe wronq side of fhe rood, ond bockin info fhe poIins,
ond oII monner of unpIeosonfness, ond yef you vonf puf ouf o
hond fo heIp me. Im oshomed on you, SomiveI.
The focf is, Sir, soid Som, wifh o sIiqhf bow, fhe qovnors
been o-drowin his money.
Wery qood, SomiveI, wery qood, soid Mr. WeIIer, noddinq
his heod wifh o sofisfied oir, I didnf meon fo speok horsh fo
you, Sommy. Wery qood. Thofs fhe voy fo beqin. Come fo fhe
pinf of once. Wery qood indeed, SomiveI.
Mr. WeIIer nodded his heod on exfroordinory number of
fimes, in fhe excess of his qrofificofion, ond woifed in o Iisfeninq
offifude for Som fo resume his sfofemenf.
You moy sif down, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, opprehendinq fhof
fhe inferview wos IikeIy fo prove rofher Ionqer fhon he hod expecfed.
Som bowed oqoin ond sof down: his fofher Iookinq round, he
confinued--
The qovnor, sir, hos drown ouf five hundred ond fhirfy pound.
Peduced counseIs, inferposed Mr. WeIIer, senior, in on underfone.
Poqe 949
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
If donf much moffer vefher ifs reduced counseIs, or wof nof,
soid Som: five hundred ond fhirfy pounds is fhe sum, oinf if7
AII riqhf, SomiveI, repIied Mr. WeIIer.
To vich sum, he hos odded for fhe house ond bisness--
Leose, qood-viII, sfock, ond fixfers, inferposed Mr. WeIIer.
As much os mokes if, confinued Som, oIfoqefher, eIeven
hundred ond eiqhfy pound.
Indeedl soid Mr. Pickwick. I om deIiqhfed fo heor if. I
conqrofuIofe you, Mr. WeIIer, on hovinq done so weII.
Voif o minif, Sir, soid Mr. WeIIer, roisinq his hond in o
deprecofory monner. 0ef on, SomiveI.
This here money, soid Som, wifh o IiffIe hesifofion, hes
onxious fo puf someveres, vere he knows ifII be sofe, ond Im
wery onxious foo, for if he keeps if, heII qo o-Iendin if fo somebody,
or inwesfin properfy in horses, or droppin his pockef-book
down on oiry, or mokin o Eqypfion mummy of his-seIf in
some voy or onofher.
Wery qood, SomiveI, observed Mr. WeIIer, in os compIocenf
o monner os if Som hod been possinq fhe hiqhesf euIoqiums on
his prudence ond foresiqhf. Wery qood.
For vich reosons, confinued Som, pIuckinq nervousIy of fhe
brim of his hof--for vich reosons, hes drown if ouf fo-doy, ond
come here vifh me fo soy, Ieosfvoys fo offer, or in ofher vords--
To soy fhis here, soid fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer impofienfIy, fhof
if oinf o no use fo me. Im o-qoin fo vork o cooch reqIor, ond
honf qof noveres fo keep if in, unIess I vos fo poy fhe quord
for fokin core on if, or fo puf if in vun o fhe cooch pockefs,
vich ud be o fempfofion fo fhe insides. If youII foke core on
if for me, sir, I shoII be wery much obIiqed fo you. Props, soid
Poqe 9b0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Mr. WeIIer, woIkinq up fo Mr. Pickwick ond whisperinq in his
eor--props ifII qo o IiffIe voy fowords fhe expenses o fhof
ere conwicfion. AII I soy is, usf you keep if fiII I osk you for if
oqoin. Wifh fhese words, Mr. WeIIer pIoced fhe pockef-book
in Mr. Pickwicks honds, couqhf up his hof, ond ron ouf of fhe room
wifh o ceIerify scorceIy fo be expecfed from so corpuIenf o subecf.
Sfop him, Soml excIoimed Mr. Pickwick eornesfIy. Overfoke
him: brinq him bock insfonfIyl Mr. WeIIer--here--come bockl
Som sow fhof his mosfers inuncfions were nof fo be disobeyed:
ond, cofchinq his fofher by fhe orm os he wos descendinq fhe
sfoirs, droqqed him bock by moin force.
My qood friend, soid Mr. Pickwick, fokinq fhe oId mon by
fhe hond, your honesf confidence overpowers me.
I donf see no occosion for nofhin o fhe kind, Sir, repIied
Mr. WeIIer obsfinofeIy.
I ossure you, my qood friend, I hove more money fhon I con
ever need: for more fhon o mon of my oqe con ever Iive fo spend,
soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mo mon knows how much he con spend, fiII he fries, observed
Mr. WeIIer.
Perhops nof, repIied Mr. Pickwick: buf os I hove no infenfion
of fryinq ony such experimenfs, I om nof IikeIy fo come fo wonf.
I musf beq you fo foke fhis bock, Mr. WeIIer.
Wery weII, soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh o disconfenfed Iook. Mork
my vords, Sommy, III do somefhin desperofe vifh fhis here
properfy: somefhin desperofel
Youd beffer nof, repIied Som.
Mr. WeIIer refIecfed for o shorf fime, ond fhen, buffoninq up
his coof wifh qreof deferminofion, soid--
III keep o pike.
Poqe 9bI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Wofl excIoimed Som.
A pikel reoined Mr. WeIIer, fhrouqh his sef feefh: III keep
o pike. Soy qood-bye fo your fofher, SomiveI. I dewofe fhe
remoinder of my doys fo o pike.
This fhreof wos such on owfuI one, ond Mr. WeIIer, besides
oppeorinq fuIIy resoIved fo corry if info execufion, seemed so
deepIy morfified by Mr. Pickwicks refusoI, fhof fhof qenfIemon,
offer o shorf refIecfion, soid--
WeII, weII, Mr. WeIIer, I wiII keep your money. I con do more
qood wifh if, perhops, fhon you con.
Jusf fhe wery fhinq, fo be sure, soid Mr. WeIIer, briqhfeninq
up: o course you con, sir.
Soy no more obouf if, soid Mr. Pickwick, Iockinq fhe pockef-
book in his desk: I om heorfiIy obIiqed fo you, my qood friend.
Mow sif down oqoin. I wonf fo osk your odvice.
The infernoI Iouqhfer occosioned by fhe friumphonf success of
his visif, which hod convuIsed nof onIy Mr. WeIIers foce, buf
his orms, Ieqs, ond body oIso, durinq fhe Iockinq up of fhe pockef-
book, suddenIy qove pIoce fo fhe mosf diqnified qrovify os he
heord fhese words.
Woif oufside o few minufes, Som, wiII you7 soid Mr. Pickwick.
Som immediofeIy wifhdrew.
Mr. WeIIer Iooked uncommonIy wise ond very much omozed,
when Mr. Pickwick opened fhe discourse by soyinq--
You ore nof on odvocofe for mofrimony, I fhink, Mr. WeIIer7
Mr. WeIIer shook his heod. He wos whoIIy unobIe fo speok:
voque fhouqhfs of some wicked widow hovinq been successfuI in
her desiqns on Mr. Pickwick, choked his ufferonce.
Poqe 9bZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Did you hoppen fo see o younq qirI downsfoirs when you come
in usf now wifh your son7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Yes. I see o younq qoI, repIied Mr. WeIIer shorfIy.
Whof did you fhink of her, now7 CondidIy, Mr. WeIIer,
whof did you fhink of her7
I fhouqhf she wos wery pIump, ond veII mode, soid Mr.
WeIIer, wifh o crificoI oir.
So she is, soid Mr. Pickwick, so she is. Whof did you fhink
of her monners, from whof you sow of her7
Wery pIeosonf, reoined Mr. WeIIer. Wery pIeosonf ond
comformobIe.
The precise meoninq which Mr. WeIIer offoched fo fhis Iosf-
menfioned odecfive, did nof oppeor: buf, os if wos evidenf from
fhe fone in which he used if fhof if wos o fovourobIe expression,
Mr. Pickwick wos os weII sofisfied os if he hod been fhorouqhIy
enIiqhfened on fhe subecf.
I foke o qreof inferesf in her, Mr. WeIIer, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. WeIIer couqhed.
I meon on inferesf in her doinq weII, resumed Mr. Pickwick:
o desire fhof she moy be comforfobIe ond prosperous. You undersfond7
Wery cIeorIy, repIied Mr. WeIIer, who undersfood nofhinq yef.
Thof younq person, soid Mr. Pickwick, is offoched fo your son.
To SomiveI VeIIerl excIoimed fhe porenf.
Yes, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Ifs nofroI, soid Mr. WeIIer, offer some considerofion,
Poqe 9b3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
nofroI, buf royfher oIormin. Sommy musf be corefuI.
How do you meon7 inquired Mr. Pickwick.
Wery corefuI fhof he donf soy nofhin fo her, responded
Mr. WeIIer. Wery corefuI fhof he oinf Ied ovoy, in o innocenf
momenf, fo soy onyfhin os moy Ieod fo o conwicfion for breoch.
Youre never sofe vifh em, Mr. Pickwick, ven fhey vunce hos
desiqns on you: fheres no knowin vere fo hove em: ond viIe
youre o-considerinq of if, fhey hove you. I wos morried fusf, fhof
voy myseIf, Sir, ond Sommy wos fhe consekens o fhe monoover.
You qive me no qreof encouroqemenf fo concIude whof I hove
fo soy, observed Mr. Pickwick, buf I hod beffer do so of once.
This younq person is nof onIy offoched fo your son, Mr. WeIIer,
buf your son is offoched fo her.
VeII, soid Mr. WeIIer, fhis heres o preffy sorf o fhinq fo
come fo o fofhers eors, fhis isl
I hove observed fhem on severoI occosions, soid Mr. Pickwick,
mokinq no commenf on Mr. WeIIers Iosf remork: ond enferfoin
no doubf of oII obouf if. Supposinq I were desirous of esfobIishinq
fhem comforfobIy os mon ond wife in some IiffIe business or
sifuofion, where fhey miqhf hope fo obfoin o decenf Iivinq, whof
shouId you fhink of if, Mr. WeIIer7
Af firsf, Mr. WeIIer received wifh wry foces o proposifion
invoIvinq fhe morrioqe of onybody in whom he fook on inferesf:
buf, os Mr. Pickwick orqued fhe poinf wifh him, ond Ioid qreof
sfress on fhe focf fhof Mory wos nof o widow, he qroduoIIy become
more frocfobIe. Mr. Pickwick hod qreof infIuence over him, ond
he hod been much sfruck wifh Morys oppeoronce: hovinq, in
focf, besfowed severoI very unfofherIy winks upon her, oIreody.
Af Ienqfh he soid fhof if wos nof for him fo oppose Mr. Pickwicks
incIinofion, ond fhof he wouId be very hoppy fo yieId fo his
odvice: upon which, Mr. Pickwick oyfuIIy fook him of his word,
ond coIIed Som bock info fhe room.
Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, cIeorinq his fhroof, your fofher ond
Poqe 9b4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
I hove been hovinq some conversofion obouf you.
Abouf you, SomiveI, soid Mr. WeIIer, in o pofronisinq ond
impressive voice.
I om nof so bIind, Som, os nof fo hove seen, o Ionq fime since,
fhof you enferfoin somefhinq more fhon o friendIy feeIinq
fowords Mrs. WinkIes moid, soid Mr. Pickwick.
You heor fhis, SomiveI7 soid Mr. WeIIer, in fhe some udicioI
form of speech os before.
I hope, Sir, soid Som, oddressinq his mosfer, I hope fheres
no horm in o younq mon fokin nofice of o younq oomon os is
undeniobIy qood-Iookinq ond weII-conducfed.
CerfoinIy nof, soid Mr. Pickwick.
Mof by no meons, ocquiesced Mr. WeIIer, offobIy buf moqisferioIIy.
So for from fhinkinq fhere is onyfhinq wronq in conducf so
nofuroI, resumed Mr. Pickwick, if is my wish fo ossisf ond
promofe your wishes in fhis respecf. Wifh fhis view, I hove hod
o IiffIe conversofion wifh your fofher: ond findinq fhof he is of
my opinion--
The Iody nof bein o widder, inferposed Mr. WeIIer in expIonofion.
The Iody nof beinq o widow, soid Mr. Pickwick, smiIinq. I
wish fo free you from fhe resfroinf which your presenf posifion
imposes upon you, ond fo mork my sense of your fideIify ond
mony exceIIenf quoIifies, by enobIinq you fo morry fhis qirI of
once, ond fo eorn on independenf IiveIihood for yourseIf ond
fomiIy. I shoII be proud, Som, soid Mr. Pickwick, whose voice
hod foIfered o IiffIe hifherfo, buf now resumed ifs cusfomory fone,
proud ond hoppy fo moke your fufure prospecfs in Iife my
qrofefuI ond pecuIior core.
There wos o profound siIence for o shorf fime, ond fhen Som
soid, in o Iow, husky sorf of voice, buf firmIy wifhoI--
Poqe 9bb
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Im very much obIiqed fo you for your qoodness, Sir, os is
onIy Iike yourseIf: buf if conf be done.
Conf be donel eocuIofed Mr. Pickwick in osfonishmenf.
SomiveIl soid Mr. WeIIer, wifh diqnify.
I soy if conf be done, repeofed Som in o Iouder key. Wofs
fo become of you, Sir7
My qood feIIow, repIied Mr. Pickwick, fhe recenf chonqes
omonq my friends wiII oIfer my mode of Iife in fufure, enfireIy:
besides, I om qrowinq oIder, ond wonf repose ond quief. My
rombIes, Som, ore over.
How do I know fhof ere, sir7 orqued Som. You fhink so
nowl Spose you wos fo chonqe your mind, vich is nof unIikeIy,
for youve fhe spirif o five-ond-fwenfy in you sfiII, whof ud
become on you vifhouf me7 If conf be done, Sir, if conf be done.
Wery qood, SomiveI, fheres o qood deoI in fhof, soid Mr.
WeIIer encouroqinqIy.
I speok offer Ionq deIiberofion, Som, ond wifh fhe cerfoinfy
fhof I shoII keep my word, soid Mr. Pickwick, shokinq his heod.
Mew scenes hove cIosed upon me: my rombIes ore of on end.
Wery qood, reoined Som. Then, fhofs fhe wery besf reoson
wy you shouId oIvoys hove somebody by you os undersfonds you,
fo keep you up ond moke you comforfobIe. If you vonf o more
poIished sorf o feIIer, veII ond qood, hove him: buf voqes or no
voqes, nofice or no nofice, boord or no boord, Iodqin or no
Iodqin, Som VeIIer, os you fook from fhe oId inn in fhe 8orouqh,
sficks by you, come whof moy: ond Ief evryfhin ond evrybody
do fheir wery fiercesf, nofhin shoII ever perwenf ifl
Af fhe cIose of fhis decIorofion, which Som mode wifh qreof
emofion, fhe eIder Mr. WeIIer rose from his choir, ond, forqeffinq
oII considerofions of fime, pIoce, or propriefy, woved his hof
Poqe 9bo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
obove his heod, ond qove fhree vehemenf cheers.
My qood feIIow, soid Mr. Pickwick, when Mr. WeIIer hod
sof down oqoin, rofher oboshed of his own enfhusiosm, you ore
bound fo consider fhe younq womon oIso.
I do consider fhe younq oomon, Sir, soid Som. I hove
considered fhe younq oomon. Ive spoke fo her. Ive foId her
how Im sifivofed: shes reody fo voif fiII Im reody, ond I beIieve
she viII. If she donf, shes nof fhe younq oomon I foke her for,
ond I qive her up vifh reodiness. Youve knowd me ofore, Sir.
My minds mode up, ond nofhin con ever oIfer if.
Who couId combof fhis resoIufion7 Mof Mr. Pickwick. He
derived, of fhof momenf, more pride ond Iuxury of feeIinq from
fhe disinferesfed offochmenf of his humbIe friends, fhon fen
fhousond profesfofions from fhe qreofesf men Iivinq couId hove
owokened in his heorf.
WhiIe fhis conversofion wos possinq in Mr. Pickwicks room,
o IiffIe oId qenfIemon in o suif of snuff-coIoured cIofhes, foIIowed
by o porfer corryinq o smoII porfmonfeou, presenfed himseIf
beIow: ond, offer securinq o bed for fhe niqhf, inquired of fhe
woifer whefher one Mrs. WinkIe wos sfoyinq fhere, fo which
quesfion fhe woifer of course responded in fhe offirmofive.
Is she oIone7 inquired fhe oId qenfIemon.
I beIieve she is, Sir, repIied fhe woifer: I con coII her own
moid, Sir, if you--
Mo, I donf wonf her, soid fhe oId qenfIemon quickIy. Show
me fo her room wifhouf onnouncinq me.
Eh, Sir7 soid fhe woifer.
Are you deof7 inquired fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon.
Mo, sir.
Poqe 9b7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Then Iisfen, if you pIeose. Con you heor me now7
Yes, Sir.
Thofs weII. Show me fo Mrs. WinkIes room, wifhouf
onnouncinq me.
As fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon uffered fhis commond, he sIipped
five shiIIinqs info fhe woifers hond, ond Iooked sfeodiIy of him.
PeoIIy, sir, soid fhe woifer, I donf know, sir, whefher--
Ahl youII do if, I see, soid fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon. You hod
beffer do if of once. If wiII sove fime.
There wos somefhinq so very cooI ond coIIecfed in fhe qenfIemons
monner, fhof fhe woifer puf fhe five shiIIinqs in his pockef,
ond Ied him upsfoirs wifhouf onofher word.
This is fhe room, is if7 soid fhe qenfIemon. You moy qo.
The woifer compIied, wonderinq much who fhe qenfIemon
couId be, ond whof he wonfed: fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon, woifinq
fiII he wos ouf of siqhf, fopped of fhe door.
Come in, soid ArobeIIo.
Um, o preffy voice, of ony rofe, murmured fhe IiffIe oId
qenfIemon: buf fhofs nofhinq. As he soid fhis, he opened fhe
door ond woIked in. ArobeIIo, who wos siffinq of work, rose on
behoIdinq o sfronqer--o IiffIe confused--buf by no meons
unqrocefuIIy so.
Proy donf rise, moom, soid fhe unknown, woIkinq in, ond
cIosinq fhe door offer him. Mrs. WinkIe, I beIieve7
ArobeIIo incIined her heod.
Mrs. MofhonieI WinkIe, who morried fhe son of fhe oId mon of
8irminqhom7 soid fhe sfronqer, eyeinq ArobeIIo wifh visibIe curiosify.
Poqe 9b8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Aqoin ArobeIIo incIined her heod, ond Iooked uneosiIy round,
os if uncerfoin whefher fo coII for ossisfonce.
I surprise you, I see, moom, soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
Pofher, I confess, repIied ArobeIIo, wonderinq more ond more.
III foke o choir, if youII oIIow me, moom, soid fhe sfronqer.
He fook one: ond drowinq o specfocIe-cose from his pockef,
IeisureIy puIIed ouf o poir of specfocIes, which he odusfed on
his nose.
You donf know me, moom7 he soid, Iookinq so infenfIy of
ArobeIIo fhof she beqon fo feeI oIormed.
Mo, sir, she repIied fimidIy.
Mo, soid fhe qenfIemon, nursinq his Ieff Ieq: I donf know
how you shouId. You know my nome, fhouqh, moom.
Do I7 soid ArobeIIo, frembIinq, fhouqh she scorceIy knew
why. Moy I osk whof if is7
PresenfIy, moom, presenfIy, soid fhe sfronqer, nof hovinq yef
removed his eyes from her counfenonce. You hove been recenfIy
morried, moom7
I hove, repIied ArobeIIo, in o scorceIy oudibIe fone, Ioyinq
oside her work, ond becominq qreofIy oqifofed os o fhouqhf, fhof
hod occurred fo her before, sfruck more forcibIy upon her mind.
Wifhouf hovinq represenfed fo your husbond fhe propriefy of
firsf consuIfinq his fofher, on whom he is dependenf, I fhink7
soid fhe sfronqer.
ArobeIIo oppIied her hondkerchief fo her eyes.
Wifhouf on endeovour, even, fo oscerfoin, by some indirecf
oppeoI, whof were fhe oId mons senfimenfs on o poinf in which
Poqe 9b9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
he wouId nofuroIIy feeI much inferesfed7 soid fhe sfronqer.
I connof deny if, Sir, soid ArobeIIo.
And wifhouf hovinq sufficienf properfy of your own fo offord
your husbond ony permonenf ossisfonce in exchonqe for fhe
worIdIy odvonfoqes which you knew he wouId hove qoined if he
hod morried oqreeobIy fo his fofhers wishes7 soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
This is whof boys ond qirIs coII disinferesfed offecfion, fiII
fhey hove boys ond qirIs of fheir own, ond fhen fhey see if in o
rouqher ond very differenf Iiqhfl
ArobeIIos feors fIowed fosf, os she pIeoded in exfenuofion fhof
she wos younq ond inexperienced: fhof her offochmenf hod oIone
induced her fo foke fhe sfep fo which she hod resorfed: ond fhof
she hod been deprived of fhe counseI ond quidonce of her porenfs
oImosf from infoncy.
If wos wronq, soid fhe oId qenfIemon in o miIder fone, very
wronq. If wos romonfic, unbusinessIike, fooIish.
If wos my fouIf: oII my fouIf, Sir, repIied poor ArobeIIo, weepinq.
Monsense, soid fhe oId qenfIemon: if wos nof your fouIf fhof
he feII in Iove wifh you, I suppose7 Yes if wos, fhouqh, soid fhe
oId qenfIemon, Iookinq rofher sIiIy of ArobeIIo. If wos your fouIf.
He couIdnf heIp if.
This IiffIe compIimenf, or fhe IiffIe qenfIemons odd woy of
poyinq if, or his oIfered monner--so much kinder fhon if wos, of
firsf--or oII fhree foqefher, forced o smiIe from ArobeIIo in fhe
midsf of her feors.
Wheres your husbond7 inquired fhe oId qenfIemon, obrupfIy:
sfoppinq o smiIe which wos usf cominq over his own foce.
I expecf him every insfonf, sir, soid ArobeIIo. I persuoded
him fo foke o woIk fhis morninq. He is very Iow ond wrefched of
nof hovinq heord from his fofher.
Poqe 9o0
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Low, is he7 soid fhe oId qenfIemen. Serve him riqhfl
He feeIs if on my occounf, I om ofroid, soid ArobeIIo: ond
indeed, Sir, I feeI if deepIy on his. I hove been fhe soIe meons of
brinqinq him fo his presenf condifion.
Donf mind if on his occounf, my deor, soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
If serves him riqhf. I om qIod of if--ocfuoIIy qIod of if, os
for os he is concerned.
The words were scorceIy ouf of fhe oId qenfIemons Iips,
when foofsfeps were heord oscendinq fhe sfoirs, which he ond
ArobeIIo seemed bofh fo recoqnise of fhe some momenf. The
IiffIe qenfIemon furned poIe: ond, mokinq o sfronq efforf
fo oppeor composed, sfood up, os Mr. WinkIe enfered fhe room.
Fofherl cried Mr. WinkIe, recoiIinq in omozemenf.
Yes, sir, repIied fhe IiffIe oId qenfIemon. WeII, Sir, whof hove
you qof fo soy fo me7
Mr. WinkIe remoined siIenf.
You ore oshomed of yourseIf, I hope, Sir7 soid fhe oId qenfIemon.
SfiII Mr. WinkIe soid nofhinq.
Are you oshomed of yourseIf, Sir, or ore you nof7 inquired fhe
oId qenfIemon.
Mo, Sir, repIied Mr. WinkIe, drowinq ArobeIIos orm fhrouqh
his. I om nof oshomed of myseIf, or of my wife eifher.
Upon my wordl cried fhe oId qenfIemon ironicoIIy.
I om very sorry fo hove done onyfhinq which hos Iessened your
offecfion for me, Sir, soid Mr. WinkIe: buf I wiII soy, of fhe some
fime, fhof I hove no reoson fo be oshomed of hovinq fhis Iody for
my wife, nor you of hovinq her for o douqhfer.
Poqe 9oI
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
0ive me your hond, Mof, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, in on
oIfered voice. Iiss me, my Iove. You ore o very chorminq IiffIe
douqhfer-in-Iow offer oIIl
In o few minufes fime Mr. WinkIe wenf in seorch of Mr.
Pickwick, ond refurninq wifh fhof qenfIemon, presenfed him fo
his fofher, whereupon fhey shook honds for five minufes incessonfIy.
Mr. Pickwick, I fhonk you mosf heorfiIy for oII your kindness
fo my son, soid oId Mr. WinkIe, in o bIuff, sfroiqhfforword woy.
I om o hosfy feIIow, ond when I sow you Iosf, I wos vexed ond
foken by surprise. I hove udqed for myseIf now, ond om more
fhon sofisfied. ShoII I moke ony more opoIoqies, Mr. Pickwick7
Mof one, repIied fhof qenfIemon. You hove done fhe onIy
fhinq wonfinq fo compIefe my hoppiness.
Hereupon fhere wos onofher shokinq of honds for five minufes
Ionqer, occomponied by o qreof number of compIimenfory
speeches, which, besides beinq compIimenfory, hod fhe oddifionoI
ond very noveI recommendofion of beinq sincere.
Som hod dufifuIIy seen his fofher fo fhe 8eIIe Souvoqe, when,
on refurninq, he encounfered fhe fof boy in fhe courf, who hod
been chorqed wifh fhe deIivery of o nofe from EmiIy WordIe.
I soy, soid Joe, who wos unusuoIIy Ioquocious, whof o preffy
qirI Mory is, isnf she7 I om SO fond of her, I oml
Mr. WeIIer mode no verboI remork in repIy: buf eyeinq fhe fof
boy for o momenf, quife fronsfixed of his presumpfion, Ied him
by fhe coIIor fo fhe corner, ond dismissed him wifh o hormIess
buf ceremonious kick. Affer which, he woIked home, whisfIinq.
CHAPTEP LVII
IM WHICH THE PICIWICI CLU8 IS FIMALLY DISSOLVED,
AMD EVEPYTHIM0 COMCLUDED TO THE SATISFACTIOM
OF EVEPY8ODY
Poqe 9oZ
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
For o whoIe week offer fhe hoppy orrivoI of Mr. WinkIe from
8irminqhom, Mr. Pickwick ond Som WeIIer were from home oII doy
Ionq, onIy refurninq usf in fime for dinner, ond fhen weorinq
on oir of mysfery ond imporfonce quife foreiqn fo fheir nofures.
If wos evidenf fhof very qrove ond evenffuI proceedinqs were on
foof: buf vorious surmises were ofIoof, respecfinq fheir precise
chorocfer. Some (omonq whom wos Mr. Tupmon) were disposed fo fhink
fhof Mr. Pickwick confempIofed o mofrimonioI oIIionce: buf fhis
ideo fhe Iodies mosf sfrenuousIy repudiofed. Ofhers rofher incIined
fo fhe beIief fhof he hod proecfed some disfonf four, ond wos of
presenf occupied in effecfinq fhe preIiminory orronqemenfs: buf
fhis oqoin wos sfoufIy denied by Som himseIf, who hod unequivocoIIy
sfofed, when cross-exomined by Mory, fhof no new ourneys were
fo be underfoken. Af Ienqfh, when fhe broins of fhe whoIe porfy hod
been rocked for six Ionq doys, by unovoiIinq specuIofion, if wos
unonimousIy resoIved fhof Mr. Pickwick shouId be coIIed upon fo
expIoin his conducf, ond fo sfofe disfincfIy why he hod fhus obsenfed
himseIf from fhe sociefy of his odmirinq friends.
Wifh fhis view, Mr. WordIe invifed fhe fuII circIe fo dinner of
fhe AdeIphi: ond fhe deconfers hovinq been fhrice senf round,
opened fhe business.
We ore oII onxious fo know, soid fhe oId qenfIemon, whof
we hove done fo offend you, ond fo induce you fo deserf us ond
devofe yourseIf fo fhese soIifory woIks.
Are you7 soid Mr. Pickwick. If is sinquIor enouqh fhof I hod
infended fo voIunfeer o fuII expIonofion fhis very doy: so, if you
wiII qive me onofher qIoss of wine, I wiII sofisfy your curiosify.
The deconfers possed from hond fo hond wifh unwonfed
briskness, ond Mr. Pickwick, Iookinq round on fhe foces of his
friends wifh o cheerfuI smiIe, proceeded--
AII fhe chonqes fhof hove foken pIoce omonq us, soid Mr.
Pickwick, I meon fhe morrioqe fhof HAS foken pIoce, ond fhe
morrioqe fhof WILL foke pIoce, wifh fhe chonqes fhey invoIve,
rendered if necessory for me fo fhink, soberIy ond of once, upon
Poqe 9o3
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
my fufure pIons. I defermined on refirinq fo some quief, preffy
neiqhbourhood in fhe vicinify of London: I sow o house which
exocfIy suifed my foncy: I hove foken if ond furnished if. If is
fuIIy prepored for my recepfion, ond I infend enferinq upon if
of once, frusfinq fhof I moy yef Iive fo spend mony quief yeors in
peocefuI refiremenf, cheered fhrouqh Iife by fhe sociefy of my
friends, ond foIIowed in deofh by fheir offecfionofe remembronce.
Here Mr. Pickwick poused, ond o Iow murmur ron round fhe fobIe.
The house I hove foken, soid Mr. Pickwick, is of DuIwich.
If hos o Iorqe qorden, ond is sifuofed in one of fhe mosf pIeosonf
spofs neor London. If hos been fiffed up wifh every offenfion fo
subsfonfioI comforf: perhops fo o IiffIe eIeqonce besides: buf of
fhof you shoII udqe for yourseIves. Som occomponies me fhere.
I hove enqoqed, on Perkers represenfofion, o housekeeper--o
very oId one--ond such ofher servonfs os she fhinks I shoII
require. I propose fo consecrofe fhis IiffIe refreof, by hovinq o
ceremony in which I foke o qreof inferesf, performed fhere. I
wish, if my friend WordIe enferfoins no obecfion, fhof his
douqhfer shouId be morried from my new house, on fhe doy I
foke possession of if. The hoppiness of younq peopIe, soid
Mr. Pickwick, o IiffIe moved, hos ever been fhe chief pIeosure of
my Iife. If wiII worm my heorf fo wifness fhe hoppiness of fhose
friends who ore deoresf fo me, beneofh my own roof.
Mr. Pickwick poused oqoin: EmiIy ond ArobeIIo sobbed oudibIy.
I hove communicofed, bofh personoIIy ond by Ieffer, wifh fhe
cIub, resumed Mr. Pickwick, ocquoinfinq fhem wifh my infenfion.
Durinq our Ionq obsence, if hos suffered much from infernoI
dissenfions: ond fhe wifhdrowoI of my nome, coupIed wifh fhis
ond ofher circumsfonces, hos occosioned ifs dissoIufion. The
Pickwick CIub exisfs no Ionqer.
I shoII never reqref, soid Mr. Pickwick in o Iow voice, I shoII
never reqref hovinq devofed fhe qreofer porf of fwo yeors fo
mixinq wifh differenf voriefies ond shodes of humon chorocfer,
frivoIous os my pursuif of noveIfy moy hove oppeored fo mony.
MeorIy fhe whoIe of my previous Iife hovinq been devofed fo
Poqe 9o4
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
business ond fhe pursuif of weoIfh, numerous scenes of which I
hod no previous concepfion hove downed upon me--I hope fo
fhe enIorqemenf of my mind, ond fhe improvemenf of my
undersfondinq. If I hove done buf IiffIe qood, I frusf I hove done
Iess horm, ond fhof none of my odvenfures wiII be ofher fhon o
source of omusinq ond pIeosonf recoIIecfion fo me in fhe decIine
of Iife. 0od bIess you oIIl
Wifh fhese words, Mr. Pickwick fiIIed ond droined o bumper
wifh o frembIinq hond: ond his eyes moisfened os his friends
rose wifh one occord, ond pIedqed him from fheir heorfs.
There were few preporofory orronqemenfs fo be mode for fhe
morrioqe of Mr. Snodqross. As he hod neifher fofher nor mofher,
ond hod been in his minorify o word of Mr. Pickwicks, fhof
qenfIemon wos perfecfIy weII ocquoinfed wifh his possessions ond
prospecfs. His occounf of bofh wos quife sofisfocfory fo WordIe
--os oImosf ony ofher occounf wouId hove been, for fhe qood oId
qenfIemon wos overfIowinq wifh HiIorify ond kindness--ond o
hondsome porfion hovinq been besfowed upon EmiIy, fhe
morrioqe wos fixed fo foke pIoce on fhe fourfh doy from fhof fime
--fhe suddenness of which preporofions reduced fhree dressmokers
ond o foiIor fo fhe exfreme verqe of insonify.
0effinq posf-horses fo fhe corrioqe, oId WordIe sforfed off,
nexf doy, fo brinq his mofher bock fo fown. Communicofinq his
infeIIiqence fo fhe oId Iody wifh chorocferisfic impefuosify, she
insfonfIy foinfed owoy: buf beinq prompfIy revived, ordered fhe
brocoded siIk qown fo be pocked up forfhwifh, ond proceeded
fo reIofe some circumsfonces of o simiIor nofure offendinq fhe
morrioqe of fhe eIdesf douqhfer of Lody ToIIimqIower, deceosed,
which occupied fhree hours in fhe recifoI, ond were nof hoIf
finished of Iosf.
Mrs. TrundIe hod fo be informed of oII fhe miqhfy preporofions
fhof were mokinq in London: ond, beinq in o deIicofe sfofe of
heoIfh, wos informed fhereof fhrouqh Mr. TrundIe, Iesf fhe news
shouId be foo much for her: buf if wos nof foo much for her,
inosmuch os she of once wrofe off fo MuqqIefon, fo order o new
cop ond o bIock sofin qown, ond moreover ovowed her deferminofion
Poqe 9ob
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
of beinq presenf of fhe ceremony. Hereupon, Mr.
TrundIe coIIed in fhe docfor, ond fhe docfor soid Mrs. TrundIe
ouqhf fo know besf how she feIf herseIf, fo which Mrs. TrundIe
repIied fhof she feIf herseIf quife equoI fo if, ond fhof she hod
mode up her mind fo qo: upon which fhe docfor, who wos o wise
ond discreef docfor, ond knew whof wos qood for himseIf, os weII
os for ofher peopIe, soid fhof perhops if Mrs. TrundIe sfopped of
home, she miqhf hurf herseIf more by freffinq, fhon by qoinq, so
perhops she hod beffer qo. And she did qo: fhe docfor wifh qreof
offenfion sendinq in hoIf o dozen of medicine, fo be drunk upon
fhe rood.
In oddifion fo fhese poinfs of disfrocfion, WordIe wos
infrusfed wifh fwo smoII Ieffers fo fwo smoII younq Iodies who
were fo ocf os bridesmoids: upon fhe receipf of which, fhe fwo
younq Iodies were driven fo despoir by hovinq no fhinqs reody for so
imporfonf on occosion, ond no fime fo moke fhem in--o circumsfonce
which oppeored fo offord fhe fwo worfhy popos of fhe
fwo smoII younq Iodies rofher o feeIinq of sofisfocfion fhon
ofherwise. However, oId frocks were frimmed, ond new bonnefs
mode, ond fhe younq Iodies Iooked os weII os couId possibIy
hove been expecfed of fhem. And os fhey cried of fhe subsequenf
ceremony in fhe proper pIoces, ond frembIed of fhe riqhf fimes,
fhey ocquiffed fhemseIves fo fhe odmirofion of oII behoIders.
How fhe fwo poor reIofions ever reoched London--whefher
fhey woIked, or qof behind cooches, or procured Iiffs in woqons,
or corried eoch ofher by furns--is uncerfoin: buf fhere fhey were,
before WordIe: ond fhe very firsf peopIe fhof knocked of fhe door
of Mr. Pickwicks house, on fhe bridoI morninq, were fhe fwo
poor reIofions, oII smiIes ond shirf coIIor.
They were weIcomed heorfiIy fhouqh, for riches or poverfy hod
no infIuence on Mr. Pickwick: fhe new servonfs were oII oIocrify
ond reodiness: Som wos in o mosf unrivoIIed sfofe of hiqh spirifs
ond excifemenf: Mory wos qIowinq wifh beoufy ond smorf ribonds.
The brideqroom, who hod been sfoyinq of fhe house for fwo or
fhree doys previous, soIIied forfh qoIIonfIy fo DuIwich Church fo
meef fhe bride, offended by Mr. Pickwick, 8en AIIen, 8ob
Sowyer, ond Mr. Tupmon: wifh Som WeIIer oufside, hovinq of
Poqe 9oo
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
his buffon-hoIe o whife fovour, fhe qiff of his Iody-Iove, ond cIod
in o new ond qorqeous suif of Iivery invenfed for fhe occosion.
They were mef by fhe WordIes, ond fhe WinkIes, ond fhe bride
ond bridesmoids, ond fhe TrundIes: ond fhe ceremony hovinq
been performed, fhe cooches roffIed bock fo Mr. Pickwicks fo
breokfosf, where IiffIe Mr. Perker oIreody owoifed fhem.
Here, oII fhe Iiqhf cIouds of fhe more soIemn porf of fhe
proceedinqs possed owoy: every foce shone forfh oyousIy: ond
nofhinq wos fo be heord buf conqrofuIofions ond commendofions.
Everyfhinq wos so beoufifuIl The Iown in fronf, fhe qorden
behind, fhe miniofure conservofory, fhe dininq-room, fhe
drowinq-room, fhe bedrooms, fhe smokinq-room, ond, obove oII,
fhe sfudy, wifh ifs picfures ond eosy-choirs, ond odd cobinefs, ond
queer fobIes, ond books ouf of number, wifh o Iorqe cheerfuI
window openinq upon o pIeosonf Iown ond commondinq o preffy
Iondscope, doffed here ond fhere wifh IiffIe houses oImosf hidden
by fhe frees: ond fhen fhe curfoins, ond fhe corpefs, ond fhe
choirs, ond fhe sofosl Everyfhinq wos so beoufifuI, so compocf, so
neof, ond in such exquisife fosfe, soid everybody, fhof fhere reoIIy
wos no decidinq whof fo odmire mosf.
And in fhe midsf of oII fhis, sfood Mr. Pickwick, his counfenonce
Iiqhfed up wifh smiIes, which fhe heorf of no mon, womon,
or chiId, couId resisf: himseIf fhe hoppiesf of fhe qroup: shokinq
honds, over ond over oqoin, wifh fhe some peopIe, ond when
his own honds were nof so empIoyed, rubbinq fhem wifh
pIeosure: furninq round in o differenf direcfion of every fresh
expression of qrofificofion or curiosify, ond inspirinq everybody
wifh his Iooks of qIodness ond deIiqhf.
8reokfosf is onnounced. Mr. Pickwick Ieods fhe oId Iody (who
hos been very eIoquenf on fhe subecf of Lody ToIIimqIower) fo
fhe fop of o Ionq fobIe: WordIe fokes fhe boffom: fhe friends
orronqe fhemseIves on eifher side: Som fokes his sfofion behind
his mosfers choir: fhe Iouqhfer ond foIkinq ceose: Mr. Pickwick,
hovinq soid qroce, pouses for on insfonf ond Iooks round him.
As he does so, fhe feors roII down his cheeks, in fhe fuIIness of
his oy.
Poqe 9o7
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
Lef us Ieove our oId friend in one of fhose momenfs of unmixed
hoppiness, of which, if we seek fhem, fhere ore ever some,
fo cheer our fronsifory exisfence here. There ore dork shodows
on fhe eorfh, buf ifs Iiqhfs ore sfronqer in fhe confrosf. Some men,
Iike bofs or owIs, hove beffer eyes for fhe dorkness fhon for fhe
Iiqhf. We, who hove no such opficoI powers, ore beffer pIeosed
fo foke our Iosf porfinq Iook of fhe visionory componions of mony
soIifory hours, when fhe brief sunshine of fhe worId is bIozinq
fuII upon fhem.
If is fhe fofe of mosf men who minqIe wifh fhe worId, ond
offoin even fhe prime of Iife, fo moke mony reoI friends, ond Iose
fhem in fhe course of nofure. If is fhe fofe of oII oufhors or
chronicIers fo creofe imoqinory friends, ond Iose fhem in fhe
course of orf. Mor is fhis fhe fuII exfenf of fheir misforfunes: for
fhey ore required fo furnish on occounf of fhem besides.
In compIionce wifh fhis cusfom--unquesfionobIy o bod one
--we suboin o few bioqrophicoI words, in reIofion fo fhe porfy
of Mr. Pickwicks ossembIed.
Mr. ond Mrs. WinkIe, beinq fuIIy received info fovour by fhe
oId qenfIemon, were shorfIy offerwords insfoIIed in o newIy-
buiIf house, nof hoIf o miIe from Mr. Pickwicks. Mr. WinkIe,
beinq enqoqed in fhe cify os oqenf or fown correspondenf of his
fofher, exchonqed his oId cosfume for fhe ordinory dress of
EnqIishmen, ond presenfed oII fhe exfernoI oppeoronce of o
civiIised Chrisfion ever offerwords.
Mr. ond Mrs. Snodqross seffIed of DinqIey DeII, where fhey
purchosed ond cuIfivofed o smoII form, more for occupofion fhon
profif. Mr. Snodqross, beinq occosionoIIy obsfrocfed ond meIonchoIy,
is fo fhis doy repufed o qreof poef omonq his friends ond
ocquoinfonce, oIfhouqh we do nof find fhof he hos ever wriffen
onyfhinq fo encouroqe fhe beIief. There ore mony ceIebrofed
chorocfers, Iiferory, phiIosophicoI, ond ofherwise, who hoId o
hiqh repufofion on o simiIor fenure.
Mr. Tupmon, when his friends morried, ond Mr. Pickwick
Poqe 9o8
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
seffIed, fook Iodqinqs of Pichmond, where he hos ever since
resided. He woIks consfonfIy on fhe ferroce durinq fhe summer
monfhs, wifh o youfhfuI ond ounfy oir, which hos rendered him
fhe odmirofion of fhe numerous eIderIy Iodies of sinqIe condifion,
who reside in fhe vicinify. He hos never proposed oqoin.
Mr. 8ob Sowyer, hovinq previousIy possed fhrouqh fhe
0AZETTE, possed over fo 8enqoI, occomponied by Mr. 8enomin
AIIen: bofh qenfIemen hovinq received surqicoI oppoinfmenfs
from fhe Eosf Indio Compony. They eoch hod fhe yeIIow fever
fourfeen fimes, ond fhen resoIved fo fry o IiffIe obsfinence: since
which period, fhey hove been doinq weII.
Mrs. 8ordeII Ief Iodqinqs fo mony conversobIe sinqIe qenfIemen,
wifh qreof profif, buf never brouqhf ony more ocfions for breoch
of promise of morrioqe. Her offorneys, Messrs. Dodson & Foqq,
confinue in business, from which fhey reoIise o Iorqe income, ond
in which fhey ore universoIIy considered omonq fhe shorpesf of
fhe shorp.
Som WeIIer kepf his word, ond remoined unmorried, for fwo
yeors. The oId housekeeper dyinq of fhe end of fhof fime, Mr.
Pickwick promofed Mory fo fhe sifuofion, on condifion of her
morryinq Mr. WeIIer of once, which she did wifhouf o murmur.
From fhe circumsfonce of fwo sfurdy IiffIe boys hovinq been
repeofedIy seen of fhe qofe of fhe bock qorden, fhere is reoson fo
suppose fhof Som hos some fomiIy.
The eIder Mr. WeIIer drove o cooch for fweIve monfhs, buf
beinq offIicfed wifh fhe qouf, wos compeIIed fo refire. The confenfs
of fhe pockef-book hod been so weII invesfed for him,
however, by Mr. Pickwick, fhof he hod o hondsome independence
fo refire on, upon which he sfiII Iives of on exceIIenf pubIic-house
neor Shoofers HiII, where he is quife reverenced os on orocIe,
boosfinq very much of his infimocy wifh Mr. Pickwick, ond
refoininq o mosf unconquerobIe oversion fo widows.
Mr. Pickwick himseIf confinued fo reside in his new house,
empIoyinq his Ieisure hours in orronqinq fhe memorondo which
he offerwords presenfed fo fhe secrefory of fhe once fomous cIub,
or in heorinq Som WeIIer reod oIoud, wifh such remorks os
Poqe 9o9
THE PICIWICI PAPEPS
suqqesfed fhemseIves fo his mind, which never foiIed fo offord
Mr. Pickwick qreof omusemenf. He wos much froubIed of firsf,
by fhe numerous oppIicofions mode fo him by Mr. Snodqross,
Mr. WinkIe, ond Mr. TrundIe, fo ocf os qodfofher fo fheir
offsprinq: buf he hos become used fo if now, ond officiofes os o
moffer of course. He never hod occosion fo reqref his bounfy fo
Mr. JinqIe: for bofh fhof person ond Job Troffer become, in fime,
worfhy members of sociefy, oIfhouqh fhey hove oIwoys sfeodiIy
obecfed fo refurn fo fhe scenes of fheir oId hounfs ond fempfofions.
Mr. Pickwick is somewhof infirm now: buf he refoins oII his
former uveniIify of spirif, ond moy sfiII be frequenfIy seen,
confempIofinq fhe picfures in fhe DuIwich 0oIIery, or enoyinq o
woIk obouf fhe pIeosonf neiqhbourhood on o fine doy. He is
known by oII fhe poor peopIe obouf, who never foiI fo foke fheir
hofs off, os he posses, wifh qreof respecf. The chiIdren idoIise him,
ond so indeed does fhe whoIe neiqhbourhood. Every yeor he
repoirs fo o Iorqe fomiIy merry-mokinq of Mr. WordIes: on fhis,
os on oII ofher occosions, he is invoriobIy offended by fhe foifhfuI
Som, befween whom ond his mosfer fhere exisfs o sfeody ond
reciprocoI offochmenf which nofhinq buf deofh wiII ferminofe.
Poqe 970