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2. Policy The Classroom....................................22 Available Spring 2012 English Courses........22 Updating Policies................................22 The Kenyon Summer Wage Gap...............24 3. Intersections Who We Are Narratives 1. Community This morning, I sat on the floor................7 I went to a rural public high school...........7 Disappointed......................................8 Its a well known fact...........................9 Why do all of the black kids sit together?..10 Difference.......................................10 I have a diverse group of friends.............11 The women of Kenyon.........................11 Family............................................12 The Bicycle......................................13 Old Kenyon......................................13 What I learned at School Today..............13 Race is terrifying...............................16 Before I relate................................17 One might hope.................................18 My experience at Kenyon......................18 I told my parents I was gay...................19
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An Epic Conversation............................27 White, female....................................29 I am a 19 year old queer woman..............30 I realized diversity was an issue...............31 My mom sent me money........................32 My experience of socioeconomic difference.................................34 Exotic..............................................35 Another kind of man............................36 Must be the recession..........................40 Jon & Sam........................................41 Racist Story.......................................42 Love................................................43 Dont Judge a Book by its Cover..............43 Our Future: Whats Next Acknowledgements

It began with Martin Luther King, Jr.s call for a movement From Dream to Action. On the evening of Kenyons 2012 Day of Dialogue, dozens of students, faculty, and administrators gathered together after the panel discussion to eat, get to know each other, and take a rare opportunity to communicate across backgrounds and cultures about their experiences at Kenyon. The Project for Open Voices came about as an extension of this evening of dialogue; this student-run initiative is to make sure that this dialogue continues. We believe that as members of this community it is each of our responsibilities to reflect on Kenyons diversity mission statement and consider what is working and where we may be falling short. Is Kenyon actively engaging with difference and promoting a spirit of openness to others [that] embraces race, gender, nationality, ethnicity, religion and sexuality? In order to answer this question, we compiled a collection of student narratives to illustrate the spectrum of experiences of students on Kenyons campus. We werent sure what to expect when we began soliciting narratives. What we received was an amazing array of stories: from one students unexpected friendship made across race lines to another student feeling inspired that the composition of such a small group [at Kenyon] could be so diverse. However, the majority of submissions highlight the shortcomings of this community when it comes to diversity and questioned the presence of a spirit of openness on this campus. Some of the narratives express frustration with certain policies at Kenyon, while others recount personal stories of hurtful encounters with fellow students. While weve tried to group the narratives into the general categories of Community, Policy, and Intersection of Identities, we know that there is a lot of overlap. We invite you to read and reflect upon our narratives -- and then submit your own! P.O.V.

This morning I sat on the floor

This morning, I sat on the floor in a circle with an administrator and three other students for a Bible Study. We shared a common interest in gathering to study the bible, but during our meeting we quickly learned that we had two international students, two from the Midwest, two guitar players, three singers, two that had been raised Catholic, and two from the Eastern Orthodox tradition. At Kenyon, its times like these that inspire me. I never would have guessed the composition of such a small group could be so diverse. Actively engaging in difference does not mean dwelling on our differences but, rather, celebrating and uniting because of them. Many of us came to Kenyon eager to meet new people and open to new ideas. We are a small community and recognize everyone, even if we havent met everyone. We only have a short amount of time to live, work, and learn together in this unique community. If we are not greeting each other, asking questions, or making new friends, we are missing out on a tremendous opportunity. The opportunity to practice being an engaged human being.

Disappointed
Tonight I attended the SPEAK: Womens Voice From the Hill event. Unfortunately, halfway through the performance - during the middle of one particular womans story the tornado siren went off and everyone that had been upstairs in Peirce was moved into the Pub where the performance was taking place. The noise and general disregard disrupted the performance. As students flooded into the Pub, the scene could be described as chaotic and a member of The Thrill (Kenyons blog) was excitedly filming the chaos to post to the blog later. I was perturbed and annoyed by everyone that had invaded, interrupted, and effectively silenced the womens voices. After some time, a microphone was brought on stage and the situation was explained to those who were conscientious enough to actually listen. Over groans, obnoxious laughter, and loud conversations, one of the performers got the show moving again. However, this was an extremely hostile environment to share deeply moving and personal accounts of what it means to be a student at Kenyon, especially a woman. The students who had come to take refuge in the Pub showed blatant disregard for the integrity of the women who were performing and the stories they had to share. What was deemed as a physical safe space for those students, became an extremely unsafe environment for those trying to have their voices heard. I became more and more angry. I became more and more embarrassed to be a Kenyon student. I became more and more disappointed in the Kenyon student body. We call it the Kenyon community and tout its inclusivity and the openness. I stopped being a tour guide because I thought that the claim was absolute bull-shit the longer that I was at Kenyon and a part of that so-called community. My experience at SPEAK: Womens Voice From the Hill has reaffirmed for me the lack of openness, diversity, acceptance, and respect for other people at Kenyon. Graduation in May cannot come fast enough. I do not want to be a part of a place that cannot show basic respect for people who are just trying to have their voices heard. I am crying just writing this. I hope that it can make a difference, in some small way. However, I know that the people that this should reach, may never have the decency to stop and read something like this. This is discouraging Thank YOU for listening.

I went to a rural public high school

I went to a rural public high school. We went on field trips to farms, participated in marching band competitions, had classmates with tractors. I did not have a college counselor, 100% of my graduating class did not go on to a four-year institution, and those that did stayed in the state. I had not heard of Choate, Groton, or Friends until I came to Kenyon, nor do I have friends at Princeton, Tufts, or Vassar as many people at Kenyon do. We accuse Kenyon of being stuck in a bubble, but that bubble is bigger than we think; it contains all other elite colleges. We guess the seventeen other schools that people applied to, we try to connect all our mutual friends, we know the reputations of all the similarly-tiered schools. As a first-year, I was embarrassed because I couldnt participate in these conversations, but now as a senior I am well versed in elite college culture. People are startled to discover that I went to public school and have had such different experiences. I dont know the exact number of students from private versus public schools, but we need to be careful not to conform to the liberal elite bubble so quickly that our unique backgrounds are left neglected.

Its a well known fact

It's a well-known fact on campus that it costs nearly $55,000 to attend Kenyon College each year. A lesser-known fact is that nearly half the student population pays full tuition. Nearly half. That's close to 800 people whose family income is large enough to relinquish $1,500 from their bank accounts every week for four years. Therefore, less than half of the student population is supported by need-based financial aid. Some students at Kenyon are tactful about their fiscal status. Others are not. I see POV as an opportunity to raise awareness about a number of important social issues - but the class diversity at Kenyon is something that affects me personally. If a faculty member or a friend prefers to have a meeting at Middle Ground instead of Pierce, a student with less financial stability is put in an uncomfortable situation...point taken. Being aware of social differences needs to go beyond making dramatic gestures; just because you donated money to an organization on MLK Day doesn't mean you're absolved of all your racist activities. Awareness means recognizing that you will never know the financial status of the people with whom you interact every day, and because of that you must treat everyone equally. You must recognize that if every social interaction you have requires money, you are inherently excluding a certain class of people. Everyone needs money. Kenyon needs money; I understand this. But with money comes responsibility, and Kenyon should not ever set a precedent of corruption to gain financial support. Sadly, in my four years here, I have witnessed Kenyon pander to those families who pay full tuition. It's tricky - those who give their hard-earned money feel they deserve some repayment in the form of gratitude. If Kenyon does not repay in kind, we may risk losing important donors. But what kind of example does Kenyon set if we do not take those risks? Money, once it changes hands, is no longer the possession of the giver - it belongs to the receiver, and they must do with it what they see fit. The right choices are not always the safe ones. I know that Kenyon strives to do its best to provide financial aid to those who need it - I would not be here if it were not for the office of financial aid, and I am grateful, but our numbers are dwindling; in an economic crisis, people are getting scared. Now is the time that Kenyon needs to lead the way...even if it means taking financial risks, having class diversity at Kenyon is of the utmost importance. In my opinion, this diversity is integral to Kenyon remaining Kenyon.

Why do all of the black kids always sit together?

About two months ago a white friend of mine came up to me in Peirce and rhetorically asked, Why do all of the black kids always sit together? That shit really pisses me off. As a white student at Kenyon College, it is easier to blame students of color for selfsegregating than entertaining the idea that maybe this predominantly white campus is not inclusive. That a group of black students sitting together in Peirce angered my friend proves the extent to which some white people ignore the privilege they experience as a member of the racial majority. My friend resisted the potential truth that some students of color do not feel comfortable branching out on this campus so intensely that he was upset about their behavior.

Difference
Throughout my life I have been surrounded by a "diversity of experience" of all kinds-racial, sexual, religious, ideological, etc. When I came to Kenyon, I thought attitudes towards diversity wouldnt be any different. I thought I would be surrounded by as much (if not more) "diversity of experience." It did offer another view, that of privilege. While I have no problems in understanding how this privilege operates, and do not criticize anybody for having such privilege, I do think that having privilege should allow an educative institution such as Kenyon-- faculty, students, and everybody, really- - to further engage with this "diversity of experience." I wonder how many students here are aware of their privilege and furthermore, of the "people of different races, socioeconomic backgrounds, and perspectives" that Kenyon tries to recruit and claims to fully embrace as a community. (Even our workers in maintenance, at the KAC, and Peirce). How many students acknowledge this "diversity of experience" in the classroom? How many students do not homogenize the student body whenever they talk about Kenyon? And, most importantly, why, if Kenyon actively engages with difference? I have a couple of suggestions and one might regard my personal expectations of what education can and should do especially in an institution like Kenyon, has enough resources to pursue almost anything. I think that education should allow each person to take responsibility of their destinies and to take consciousness of the importance of their actions in the development of a community and in the occurrences of the world. Homogenizing diversity is the closest exit to what has become the problem of the different and education aught to acknowledge, understand, and provide students with the necessary knowledge to change the politics of diversity. We use the adjective "different" and it sounds cool, it sounds different. We know the

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noun too "difference." However, we do not really know what we mean when we say "that is different" or when we say "that makes a difference." Sometimes, we know that what we really mean to say is unique. Still, we say difference/different without remorse. Who knows? Different might make a difference.

explained that the performance everyone had just encountered was a collection of stories about women at Kenyon, in the world, and in our lives, written by their peers. Some new audience members got comfortable and listened to the monologues while other students whispered, turned on the TVs, and made inappropriate comments throughout the performance (I did not hear the comments directly, but many of the cast members did). Performances sponsored by Crozier tend to draw the same crowd, just as many groups on campus struggle to have their programming reach students that aren't already engaged and aware; we don't always want to preach to the choir. When everyone was forced inside the Pub, we finally had our chance to present to a group of students that are not as engaged with gender issues on campus. It's frustrating that it took an extreme weather situation and emergency relocation to accomplish that. It was also frustrating to hear about the rude comments and disrespect from certain audience members. Though, I'm not surprised. I wish Kenyon were a place where everyone could respectfully listen to the stories of their peers. That may be asking a lot, but isn't that why we are here?

I have a diverse group of friends

I have a diverse group of friends in every sense of the word. I have friends who are Latina, Black, multiracial, and white. I have queer friends, gay friends, unsure friends. I have friends who go church on Sunday and friends who wouldnt utter the word God outside a religion class. I have first-generation college friends and privileged my-parents-are-professionals friends. I have friends who dont drink and friends who go hard. And most of my friends are friends with each other too. I dont say this to indicate that I, as a cis-gendered, sometimes queer, white, uppermiddle class woman, am not racist or classist or able-ist. I dont say it to prove that I am somehow superior to people who dont have such a diverse group of friends. I just say it to point out that even on this campus-- where discussions about race/ class/religion are aberrations-- diversity is around us all the time. Do I think Kenyon is doing an adequate job of discussing it? No. Do I think the student culture is open and accepting of students no matter where theyre from or how much money they have or who they make out with at Old Kenyon? Not particularly (and I say this as a woman who has been cheered on for kissing another woman by a group of men watching us). But that said, there is diversity here. So much of it. And we do it a disservice by sweeping it under the rug and pretending that at Kamp Kenyon, everyone is the same and nothing bad ever happens.

Family
Tonight my uncle came out to me. After doing so, he asked me if Id known and I told him that I had. When I was thirteen or fourteen I overheard a relative ask him if he had been on another date with some guy. I was young and I didnt think much of it. I never had to think twice about it because it didnt matter. He is family. He is blood. He is my mothers brother, not to mention the most caring and selfless human being I know. He then turned to me and asked me if this changes anything. I put my arm around him and said, I think you know the answer to that question. He said that he did. This past semester I was at a party hanging out with some friends and talking when a

The women of Kenyon

Ellen Blanchard

someone angrily yelled faggot across the beer pong table to one of his opponents. A piece of me died.

The women of Kenyon performed a student written and produced show titled: "Speak: Women's Voices from the Hill" this semester. During our Friday night performance, the tornado siren went off in the middle of the show and all of the occupants of Peirce relocated to the Pub, the venue of the show. We paused the show and let everyone come in and sit down. There were a few minutes of chaos until we decided that we had worked too hard to let a tornado stop our show, so with the consent of the cast, we continued the show. As the director, I greeted our quadrupled audience and

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The Bicycle
I was finally able to buy a bicycle the summer before my sophomore year at Kenyon. It was nothing particularly special: a Schwinn that I had researched and bought at Target. However, I loved that bike. We spent hours on the Gap trail and raced to class every morning. During Sendoff my bike disappeared. A friend later found it in the woods behind Mather. It had been pounded into the ground during the festivities. The lock did not stand a chance. I tried to have the bike fixed, but after several days I was told that the frame was damaged beyond repair. I filed a police report with Campus Safety, but there had been multiple vandalisms during Sendoff. I had no idea who had stolen my bike. I was heartbroken. My friends did not understand how much hard work went into getting that bike. I could not afford to replace it. I was angry with Kenyon students for a very long time. I could not understand how students could get drunk, destroy my property, and think nothing of it. Hours and hours of minimum-wage labor, saving, and planning went into buying my bike. Not all of the students at Kenyon have disposable income. If our property is damaged or stolen, we cannot simply go out and replace it.

feel that I fit in at Kenyon; I feel at home in Gambier. But something that annoys me to no end are people (and I've worked in Admissions, so I've heard this a lot) who say that they love absolutely everything about Kenyon and cannot find any flaws with it. I think that people like that aren't paying attention. I love Kenyon a lot, and I can't wait to get back to it, but part of loving it is recognizing what is wrong and wanting to fix it. You only need to take one look around Peirce at lunch to see that Kenyon has few students of color. A more detailed look and some chats reveal that half the student body can afford full tuition without the help of need-based aid (Of course, lack of racial & ethnic diversity and lack of socioeconomic diversity do often go hand-in-hand.). Kenyon students are all different people and we have a community with a lot of diversity of thought and experience, but we could have SO much more. I am lucky to receive aid and scholarships and lucky that my generous and supportive parents can afford to pay the rest, and sometimes other students -- even people I'm friends with -- don't get how important that is. I became very angry once after hearing another student complain that her parents were making her earn her own spending money because she didn't have financial aid and they were paying full price for Kenyon. I've been earning my own spending money for a long time, and if I lost my financial aid, I would have to leave Kenyon altogether. I also know people who are paying their own way without any help from parents or other adults. One of the things that surprised me the most about Kenyon was that so many intelligent people could be so ignorant. I feel so strongly that Kenyon has made me into a better person, a more intelligent person aware of and wanting to fight oppression; I am surprised to hear many of my classmates -- even though they are mostly politically liberal - be so totally unaware of their privilege, uttering uninformed and even hurtful things. I

Old Kenyon
While making out and dancing with girls, I have been cheered on by bros at Old Kenyon. This belittles my sexuality and removes my agency. I was not doing it for them, and it was not for their enjoyment. Once when a boy found out I was gay, his response was if would I be in a threesome with him. While these were situations that arose when people were under the influence, I do not think that counts as an excuse.

What I learned in school today

I am a demographically typical Kenyon student. I'm white, female, middle-class, and able-bodied. I went to a wealthy suburban high school. My parents are college graduates and it was always expected that I would attend college. And I'm an English major, which is just the icing on the homogeneity cake--Gambier is crawling with 5'4" Englishmajor chicks from the Northeast with shoulder length brown hair and glasses who were on the literary magazine in high school. When I was a tour guide, at least half the prospies on my tours matched this description. So I feel like I have to say from the start that I am wary of writing about diversity at Kenyon because I am clearly not it. I'm aware of the problems inherent in entering a discussion about diversity (even though I was asked) because I know that, being the person described above, I can only talk so much about my experiences at Kenyon, a place where I fit in (at least on paper). I do

shouldn't have been surprised, of course. College professors, people who are leading scholars in their fields, people who should be able to see through prejudice, still say a lot of terrible things. Kenyon students, too -- people who are smart, passionate, and encouraged to question the way they think about the world -- still call each other "fag." Throw parties for "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos" while also talking shit about girls who wear short skirts. Make comments about "rednecks" and look down on people in Mt Vernon. Hang posters that say "Wanted For Jungle Fever" and then deny that there are racist people at Kenyon, or that people of color and especially women of color can feel unsafe on campus -- and don't even get me started on professors. And I, too, used to say things that now make me cringe. I was really unaware of my privilege and I held a lot of opinions that I now recognize as racist and sexist.

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I'm glad that now I'm doing a better job of spotting the fundamental flaws in my thinking, though checking one's privilege is a process that will never end (it's not like one day you graduate and get an "I'm not racist" sticker) but becoming aware of that process and engaging with it is one of the first steps to challenging oppression, and I don't know that I would have gotten started without Kenyon. So that's just one aspect of my complicated relationship with Kenyon; it clearly has major problems with diversity and some of its students are painfully ignorant if not downright hateful, but without the people I met and the experiences I've had at Kenyon, I would not be as aware and politically engaged as I am now. And -- because I realize I can get cynical about Kenyon's student body -- for every student or professor who is a jerk, I know several other students, faculty, and staff members who are compassionate people who really want to make Kenyon a better, more inquisitive, more open place. The Kenyon bubble is, naturally, a blessing and a curse. I feel its absence now, when I'm abroad and my British flatmates use "gay" as a pejorative (something I've been relatively free from in the USA since I left middle school) or casually make comments about "raping your Facebook wall." I feel it when my cousin, an Arabic major in her first year of college, unhappily messages me to say that at the most recent Thanksgiving dinner, she heard every possible slur directed at Middle Eastern and Muslim people come out of the mouths of our extended family (many of whom are college-educated liberals). It's times like those I wish desperately to be back at Kenyon, but even then I realize that Kenyon isn't a prejudice-free haven. But it's at Kenyon that I can be around friends who don't do that stuff...it's my bubble within a bubble. Most people at Kenyon are within other bubbles and they're there so that they don't necessarily have to hang out with people who challenge their politics or make them uncomfortable. That's a perfectly natural thing to do, and it works in good and bad ways. People who get a kick out of making racist or sexist comments are going to hang out with people who don't call them out, and people who don't want to hear racist or sexist comments are going to hang out with people who don't make them. I've been accused, as a Crozier regular, of only hanging out with people who agree with me. But why should I force myself to spend more time with people who say things that hurt me just so I can claim to be free of some kind of sheltering bubble? And anyway, Kenyon itself is a bubble (just look at how we interact with and talk about Mt Vernon and Knox County) and everyone there is privileged in some way. We all received a good enough education to get into a selective liberal arts college and had the encouragement and support to apply to college in the first place. Most of us are citizens or legal residents of the United States. We all somehow found a way -- through parents' wealth, work, financial aid, scholarships, loans, or some combination of all five -- to

attend a school that costs over $50,000 a year so that we could be around other people who wanted to sit on a beautiful campus and enrich their minds for four years. That isn't to diminish the importance of other issues of privilege at Kenyon, but to say that just about everyone has to own up to at least that. From there, we can get on to most students being white. Abled. Educated at private high schools or nice suburban schools. Wealthy, many wealthy enough to afford Kenyon without financial aid. I could go on and on. It's hard to really come up with a conclusion for how I feel about diversity at Kenyon other than the complicated feeling that Kenyon is a place that is obviously not diverse and often downright frustrating for anyone who is sensitive to prejudice based on race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, nationality, and religion, but which has a student body with a great deal of potential to be educated citizens of the world who actively work to question and dismantle oppression.

Race is terrifying
Race is terrifying. Its an ever-present concept that many of us in liberal and politically correct environments such as Kenyon avoid at all circumstances, and I am certainly guilty of that. Diversity is not something that people are comfortable with. Its great when we can use the idea to spark interest in prospective students by advertising it on colorful college pamphlets, but is this spiel of acceptance any more than just a gimmick? It feels as if race is even more of a taboo in diverse environments, because the idea of being politically correct stunts discussion and analysis. Sure, we have events such as MLK day to talk about race, but even those discussions only touch the surface. They are temporary: one quick day of addressing diversity and then we go back to pretending that racism is no longer an issue. Growing up, I never thought I had a place in the race debate because race seemed, quite literally, black and white. As a Southeast Asian American, I was part of the silent gray space of the debate, and that doesnt seem to have changed. I remember sitting in Peirce for lunch with other students of color recently and listening to people constantly refer to the table as the black table, ignoring the Latino, white, and Asian students sitting there. I remember going to the Activities Fair and noting how exclusive the cultural clubs were, simply by their names: the Black Student Union, the Asian Culture Club, and several others. I remember the confused looks I got and continue to receive when I tell my friends that Im going to the BSU meeting.

Kenyon is a generally liberal environment. Wed like to think were accepting of all; we are, compared to some colleges, diverse: promoters of feminism and LGBT rights. This belief in Kenyon as a liberal, accepting environment, however, detracts from an

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some kind of aid, nor does it mean that she's not. I've noticed some profiling that honest analysis, especially of concepts like race. It leaves the general population with a false sense of equality and minorities feeling silenced by this prevailing belief. It feels as if weve boxed away racism by taking diversity photos and creating cultural clubs, which sometimes further categorize races and promote division -- a division that labels my participation in the BSU as strange. By boxing away these issues, weve failed to create a place to discuss the prevalence of racism and inequality still present at Kenyon. Weve failed to provide an environment where ALL races can have a voice in the debate. By separating race and ignoring racism, we promote the acceptance of it. By ignoring any issue of inequality, and refusing to stand up and question it, we are creating a bubble of false diversity that leaves us at a standstill. happens when it comes to class, little assumptions that play into our racial and ethnic stereotyping. Ill be the first to agree that Kenyon needs to work harder to create a dialogue about all kinds of diversity, but at least that work has been begun with racial, ethnic, religious, gender, and sexual orientation, even if it has a long way to go. There are groups on campus dedicated to these identities, but I have yet to hear about any kind of group that is dedicated to assisting students who are poor, working class, lower middle class, on significant financial aid however you feel the most tactful way to phrase it is to live and thrive at Kenyon. Maybe thats because class background is not public or it shouldnt be public, because you cant see it or hear it, and maybe a support group isnt whats needed -- maybe its an organized discussion, I dont know. I dont have the answer. But something needs to be done if only to put it out there and alleviate some of the insensitivity that exists.

Before I relate
Before I relate one of my experiences of diversity at Kenyon, Id like to emphasize that this is only one of them, and that the majority of them happen through observation. I have overheard individuals jokingly sexualize race or throw around the word retarded. I watched a girl be asked where she was from by a well intentioned, but oblivious, older woman. After the girl (whos black) answered that she was from Philly, the woman asked again, No, but where are your parents from? I just returned from South Africa and I saw some very beautiful women who looked just like you.

One might hope

One might hope that at a prestigious educational institution such as Kenyon, the use of hurtful, sexist language would not be as commonplace as it unfortunately is. I hear words like bitch, pussy, fag, etc. used multiple times a day by friends and strangers, men and women. Frankly, I'm sick of being called a cunt for objecting when a male friend refers to a woman he finds attractive as a "cum receptacle."

My experience at Kenyon
As a middle class white girl from the States, I dont face much discrimination at Kenyon -- and if I do, I have many different supportive communities that I can turn to for validation, affirmation, and love. This year, I've noticed an insensitivity to class and financial backgrounds at Kenyon. It is less obvious than race or nationality because it is not so easily seen or heard -- and to me that makes it more dangerous because its not so easily recognized and affects people across racial, religious, ethnic, gender, and political lines. Kenyon has an incredibly well off student body. But it is not entirely so, and the assumption that it is erases students who have had different experiences. Its more than just knowing that not everyone can go to Middle Ground for coffee; it is understanding that my neighbor in my dorm is having a completely different cultural experience than I am, -- and that just because she might look like me (lets be real, Kenyon is full of white girls), doesnt mean that she is. Alternatively, just because she looks different than me, doesnt mean shes on Once I got to Kenyon I was shocked to find that conversations about race was not something that was discussed frequently, let alone openly. Even when they were talked about, they were not done so to the extent nor with as much depth as was done at my high school. To be honest, I expected more. Not just beat-around-thebush politically correct bullshit conversations but honest ones: conversations where as a community we were all pondering the infrastructure of what makes us see people the way that we do and why we react to certain discussions in certain ways. As a student of color, I've often found myself having to discuss my experience as being a minority in predominantly white institutions. I was always forced to question my racial relations with those around me and deeply examine the social structures that allow this to take form. As a minority, I made it my responsibility to make sure that although my journey through the New York City private school system was unique, it was legitimate.

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At Kenyon, Ive noticed that discussion has either just been people adamantly defending political correctness and being quick to call people ignorant without taking the necessary step further to turn their heated argument into a discussion and a learning experience -- or people stubbornly defending their ignorant perspectives and not being willing to admit that there are different ways to reflect on what constitutes a racially-charged interaction. This again disappoints me. The level of discourse at this college has not reached my expectations. Nonetheless, I have found myself exploring a different part of my identity. For the first time I have found myself identifying as a feminist and exploring what that means for myself. My role as a heterosexual female on this campus has been something I have become more aware of. Through my discussions not just at Crozier, but with professors, fellow students and friends, I am proud to say that I have a lot to learn from them all. I am no longer afraid to discuss experiences of being a woman without feeling like a cliche. These discussions are just as important as discussions of race, class, religious differences, political differences, sexuality, cultural awareness, mental and physical disabilities, and individual experiences here at Kenyon. They need to be had and embraced. I'm glad Kenyon has made it comfortable enough for me to talk about my female identity more -- but when it comes to racial discussions here on this campus, I'm disappointed and surprised to say I've given up.

identity, Im fighting for social justice, and I still find time to hook up and have intense conversa ons with friends in Middle Ground about heterosexism and social constructions. Living the life, right? Kenyon is not paradise, though, and Ive learned that the hard way. I remember hearing reports of homophobic incidents on campus during my first year, which only made me more frightened. That year, I didnt talk with any of my friends about what I was feeling, though I think a lot of them already knew. Last semester seven semesters after the incident mentioned in the last paragraph I was dancing with another guy at on Old Kenyon party when three bros walked past us, all of them stopped, and then one of them pointed and said loudly, GAY. Needless to say, it kind of put a damper on my night, and I left the party sulking. It wasnt as if these bros were walking around the party and identifying the orientation of every couple on the dance floor; it wasnt like they were celebrating homosexuality as a positive aspect of Kenyons tolerant atmosphere. But I was also pretty confused, because even though their tone was negative, they werent using explicitly derogatory or hateful language; they werent throwing around fag or telling me to go to hell. What I can say for sure is that it made me uncomfortable, and where I feel uncomfortable I no longer feel safe. There are certain places on this campus where I know I cannot be myself.

I told my parents I was gay

I graduate in a little over a month, but just because Im leaving Kenyon does not Chris Philpot mean that Ive stopped caring about the place. Kenyon has given me a lot, so I feel I owe it to Kenyon to make it a safe place for everyone. Maybe these narratives can be the first step in a better direction.

I told my parents I was gay while they were visiting Kenyon last December. After a couple hours of crying and questioning in their Kenyon Inn room, my mom asked me if all of the friends they had met the night before knew. I said yes. She responded, Im glad youve found such an amazing group of people who really support you. Every time Ive retold this story since then, I always get choked up when I say that -- because I know its true. As a white, middle-class male, I cant say that my identity aligns with too many axes of oppression. But I can say that Ive confronted homophobia enough times to recognize that Im not free. The great thing about Kenyon, though, is that Im able to select my friends, and Ive been lucky enough to encounter a group of people who support me unconditionally. In that sense, Kenyon has been a great place because it has allowed me to grow, to make up for lost time: Ive politicized my

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The Classroom
I want things in the classroom to change. Less structured classes lead to more student-led conversations, with teachers being more like moderators. There needs to be more space to question what we are learning instead of just memorizing it, and more hands-on experiential learning. We need more interdisciplinary courses offered at all levels in order to make the student bodys minds more open. The classroom has great potential to inspire action. It should actively work towards promoting student action.

Available Spring 2012 English Courses

Angela Bryan-Brown

In an e-mail that was sent out from the English department, there was a list of classes that still had spaces. They were, as follows: ENGL265: Intro. to Postcolonial Literature ENGL288: Intro to African American Literature ENGL291.03: Writing Medieval Women ENGL313: Land, Place and Body in Literature & Film ENGL378: Race in 19th century Literary Imagination ENGL391.01: After the Revolution: Freedom & Form in 19th century American Literature ENGL391.03: Transnational American Literature All of these classes engage with difference and marginalized experiences. I was disheartened to see that students were choosing not to engage. Also, Im in Race in 19th Cent. Lit, and it is without a doubt one of the best classes Ive ever taken at Kenyon. The English major should have a requirement to take a non-White/Western English course as opposed to just breaking the major into time periods. It would be an absolute shame to me if English majors were able to graduate without engaging with diverse and varied voices from literature that are JUST as legit as the so called Western canon.

Updating policies
I think Kenyon jumped on the diversity bandwagon late. Its not as diverse as it should be. If we look at some quick statistics measuring the number of students of color, we find that it is about 17% at Kenyon, 20% at Denison and 25% at Oberlin. These statistics aside, I think we can all recognize just looking around this campus that it is pretty homogenous. Every time I return from New York City to Kenyon Im always stunned by how white this campus is. Seeing as how Kenyon isnt as diverse as it should be, I believe that the college has

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begun to accept more students of color and low-income students without having updated its policies to accommodate all of these students needs and experiences. Different students have different needs and Kenyon needs to update its policies to reflect those needs. This discrepancy undermines its mission to actively engage with difference. The major policy shortcomings as I see them are the lack of available grants for summer experiences and the housing policy. Kenyon does not offer grants to students who participate in unpaid internships over the summer like most colleges do. As a student of color from a working class background interested in social justice, that means that it is extremely hard for me to find a paid internship. Most nonprofits dont offer them -- and if they do, theyre extremely competitive. This places me at a disadvantage because I cant participate in an internship Im highly interested in that may help me to decide on my future because of money, whereas a Kenyon student who enjoys the privilege of not needing to worry about earning money can do any internship they please, thus widely expanding their opportunities. The fact that Kenyon does not fund unpaid internships for the summer connects to the fact that financial aid does not cover summer study abroad programs. It is unfair and unjust that these opportunities are closed off to me because I come from a working-class family. These policies make me especially angry because many other colleges do fund such opportunities. Kenyon should be a leader in diversity initiatives; it should not be lagging behind other schools. Housing is another example of a classist Kenyon policy. Why should you have to pay $1,000 extra to live in an apartment? Many other colleges do not have this policy. Why? It prevents students from actively engaging with difference because those who choose to live in an apartment can only live with other students who can afford that privilege. The recent construction of the new North Campus Apartments and the plans to build more apartments further limits the housing options of students who cant afford to live in an apartment. Kenyon is continuously expanding and creating new, great dorms -- but isnt doing so for students like me. Theyre doing it for those who can afford it. This promotes exclusion, not difference. That makes me feel like I shouldnt be here, that Im an outsider, that poor student of color who somehow found her way onto this campus where I do not belong. That extra $1,000 cost should be eliminated or financial aid should cover the expense of living in an apartment. These aspects of Kenyon frustrate me because they remind me that I dont belong here. It goes hand in hand with the reactions I get when I tell people that my dad is

a waiter. Its usually a look of pity or sheer awkwardness, as they dont know how to respond because their parents are professionals and theyve never encountered this situation before. The fact that I cant afford to live in an apartment or do my ideal internship because of money makes me frustrated that I have to worry about money and others dont. It makes me frustrated with my familys economic situation, which is an awful feeling. Im proud of the fact that my dad is a waiter, that my family is working class and that Im on financial aid. I had to work for all my achievements, but it sucks when Kenyons policies close off opportunities to me solely because of money when I know that other colleges dont do the same. If I had been aware of these shortcomings when I was still a prospective student, I wouldve had a very different perception of this school and may not be here right now. Instead, I was overwhelmed with reassurance about Kenyon and diversity, and the fact that theyre really trying. Maybe I was misled because I visited during Multicultural Students Weekend, which makes the campus seem a whole lot more diverse than it is. Either way, Kenyon is not trying hard enough. I thought Kenyon was a college that welcomes difference -- but having been here long enough, I can recognize that although thats the goal, Kenyon is just not there yet.

The Kenyon summer wage gap

The fall of my junior year I had it allexcellent GPA, recommendations, and resume. I felt ambitious and ready to tackle a prestigious internship. I made an appointment with the Career Development Office to discuss my options. Professors were sending me potential internships, and I was excited to submit the applications. I had my heart set on either a government internship or one in social justice. However, my optimism was quickly shattered. The CDO told me that I needed around $4,000-$5,000 to live in D.C. or New York City for the summer. What? Since paid internships are a rarity, all of my living costs would be out of pocket. The CDO was unsympathetic. After all, many Kenyon students gain internships and prestige through such summer experiences. It sank in. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how qualified a candidate I might be, I could not afford an internship. I could not call my parents. I already felt guilty that they were struggling with their $2,000 yearly parental contribution towards my Kenyon tuition. Tears pricked my eyes as I left the CDO. I remember the Kenyon students profiled on the Kenyon website who had these amazing summer experiences. That would never be me. Would Kenyon ever profile a student who worked minimum wage all summer because she had no choice? I barely made it back to my room before I started crying heavy sobs that woke my roommate from her nap and thoroughly dehydrated me.

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I recycled my half-filled internship applications and stared at my online bank account. It barely contained enough for next semesters textbooks. I had dreamed of a social justice internship where I would learn from important people and make a difference. Perhaps I would even make connections and network for a future job. I dreamed of summer in a big citysomething different from the small Ohio town where I grew up. I recycled these dreams too.

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An Epic Story

Nosiku Siyumbwa

*awkward silence* Maria: So, Zumabia, eh? So, do you live in a jungle or a village? Me (really? dont I have other choices?): I actually live in the capital city. Maria: Oh, of course you do! Is your city like Gambier? Me: Gambier is not a city. Maria: Oh, of course it isnt, I just thought that you...coming from a small place...woulderm... Ed (saves the day): So, is this your first winter? Me: Yes it is. Maria: My, my, it must be a shock for you, coming from the jungle where its hot and all. Me: Its actually the Savanna. Maria: Oh, right, rightthe Savanna. Maria: So, the Savanna, thats where you have elephants and giraffes right? Me: Yeah, we have some of those. Ed: Wow, here we accidentally run into deer in the streets, imagine what it would be like if it was a giraffe! Maria: Id think the Africans would be able to see the giraffes coming, dear. Me: We dont have giraffes running in the street. Maria: Oh.

I walked out of the Health Center towards the car that would give me a ride to the dreaded dentists office. I had been told that the people offering me a ride were a couple from Mount Vernon. The driver was waiting out front. Ed: My name is Ed, whats your name? Me: Nosiku. Ed: Milaku? Me: No-si-ku. Ed: Usika. Me: Just call me Siku. Ed: Ok, thats easier. Saki. I sighed and got into the car. Minutes later, his wife came out of the health center and hopped into the car. Ed: Honey, this is Musi. Maria: Hi Misa, wow, that is such a pretty name. I rolled my eyes in the backseat and uttered my thanks. Maria: So, Mika, where are you from? Me: Im from Zambia. Maria: Ohhhh, Zambia...thats nice dearyeahwhat state is that in? Me: Well, its not a place here in the US, its actually a country in Southern Africa. Maria exclaimed: Southern Africa (she leans closer, with a frown between her brows and a look of concern on her face) Honey(dramatic pause)...are you free? Me (confused expression): Huh? Free? Maria: You know(she leans closer and whispers as if she feared being overheard) likeare you oppressed? Do you have an active military? Me: Yeah, were free. Maria: No, I dont mean that type of free, I mean, free like America? Me: We are a democratic nation if thats what you mean. Maria: Oh..okthats good, thats good. Ed: So, Seki, how did you pick Kenyon college? Maria: haha, you probably thought you were applying to Kenya..haha! (laughs at her own wit) Ed: Wow, look at those icicles! I bet your family has never seen winter, you should send them one to show them. Maria: Hello, is this Dr. Josephs office? I am with the student from Kenyon and we are running a bit behind. Receptionist: Thats ok, but she will have to quickly fill out some paperwork as soon as she gets here. Maria: Dont worry about that, her English is surprisingly quite good. Ed (looks reassuringly at me): Yeah, it is quite amazing, you could teach me a thing or two about speaking English. (Driving into the dentists office) (By this point, we were running late for my appointment, so Maria decided to call ahead to let them know we were running behind)

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Me: Yeah, no. I dont think that would work out. Maria: Yeah Ed, the icicles would melt immediately in that jungle climate. Me: Ok, thanks for the ride! Maria: No, no Simi, thank you. That was the nicest ride weve had in a while. Ed: Bye! And they drive off. I enter the dentists office and I am immediately ushered to the examination room. A few minutes later, the dentist saunters in and beams his perfect teeth. A walking advertisement for his practice. Good morning, my name is Dr. Joseph and forgive me if I mispronounce your name, but I was never good at Spanish.

something I had never encountered before and tried to fit it into my offensive societal stereotypical categories. Now I'm a lot more accustomed to people expressing themselves regardless of gender, and wouldn't stare, and definitely wouldn't try to put a label on the relationships individuals have. It's like I went from thinking I was accepting without ever having anything to accept before I came to college, to being confronted with a situation and realizing I was a total tool, to actually understanding what it means to be accepting and applying that now in my life. So Kenyon helped me shed the homophobic society I grew up in.

What has been your most recent experience of difference at Kenyon? Realizing how hard it is for international students to stay in the US after they graduate. There are few grad schools or med schools, or even actual occupations, that are willing to take on the amazing geniuses that we have here, all because of an issue that seems so trivial and entirely outside of the individuals control.

White, Female
How do you identify (race, gender identity, socioeconomic status, religion, ability, sexual orientation, citizenship status)? white, female, lower middle class, Jewish, able, straight, full citizenship

How do you think Kenyon is addressing issues pertaining to diversity? Whats working? What could be improved? Crozier does a great job, and so do student-run clubs and organizations and some academic departments. Student Activities Office, CGE, Res Life, CDO, Snowden, all could do more. It's pathetic. And same with admissions. My high school had more Asian-Americans and African-Americans and I miss the presence. Where's the Islamic holiday awareness? Also I wish admissions wouldnt skew our statistics by counting Americans who have lived in another country as international students.

In what ways do these different aspects of your identity interact with your experience at Kenyon? I feel poorer than I've ever felt in my life and it makes me feel like an outsider. I sometimes feel more adult or advantaged than other students for paying my own bills or understanding financial things about the college. Generally I feel disadvantaged for being from the Midwest, or for my parents' occupations. At first I was annoyed with the way people acted but I've grown to not judge as much. I never felt different or unique for being Jewish, but that happens here.

I am a 19-year old white queer woman

Identity/Privilege and Awareness:

Angela Bryan-Brown

I am a sophomore from New York City. My home is in the center of Manhattan, and I am middle class. Both of my parents work, both of my parents went to college. I am white. I receive student loans from the government, but I do not receive financial aid from Kenyon. I attended public school throughout elementary, middle and high school, across the city in different neighborhoods, some more economically prosperous than others, some more diverse than others.

What was your first or most salient experience of difference at Kenyon? When I was a first year, I was at an Old Kenyon party and saw two girls dancing together. I tried to discern whether they were friends or more or what, it was offensive I think I stared at them. I wasn't trying to come off that way, and didn't realize how rude I was, but at the time it was just

Moments: I work with Annual Giving as a student phone-a-thon caller. Some of my

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colleagues were discussing what classes they were taking. A couple of them were taking Arabic, and of course, whenever anyone reveals that they can speak another language, they are instantly asked to speak it on command. A boy asks my friend if she knows how to say, Death to the infidel. He asks this as a joke. It gets very quiet. No one knows how to react or what to say to this. I want to yell at him, but I dont because I dont know how to unpack how offensive, insensitive and utterly ignorant the comment was. I wish I had said something. In an Intro to Fiction class during my first year, we were given a rather compelling prompt: What does it mean to be at work or at school on a national holiday? Its the first day of classes, Martin Luther King Day. Incidentally, there are no black students in the class. Groups and Solutions: I am very involved with the Crozier Center for Women, and I have been pleased with the gains weve made this year in discussion and programming in order to be inclusive of all women, taking into account race, ethnicity, socio-economic background, regional background and spiritual background. I still think there is so much more that can be done, and I think its going to take time for some people to feel welcome to and included in Crozier. Student run resource centers such as Crozier, Unity, BSU, MESA, and SAMOSA must be actively engaged in all areas of difference. Perhaps these organizations should meet with each other on a monthly basis in order to better engage with one another and collaborate, while still respecting each separate organizations mission and intended audience. Additional Thoughts: An approach to diversity at Kenyon must be an approach that is intersectional. It needs to be in our classes, in orientation, in CA training, in Greek life, in other clubs and organizations, and in the speakers that come to campus.

person in a mostly white college. It made me hope that this feeling of exclusion was not the feeling that dominated a black person's experience at Kenyon. I hope this is not the case, but sometimes I worry that it is the case. However, I can honestly say that I make an effort to hang out with people who are different than me. It is easier, and honestly, sometimes I just don't feel like making an effort to hang out with different people. But there have been specific, wonderful moments when I am really happy because I did something slightly "uncomfortable" and was the "only white person." There are definitely moments (like the one I first described) when I feel kind of left out, but there are a lot of others in which race really doesn't become an issue, and I am just hanging out with friends, having a good time... in fact, a better time than I would have had otherwise.

My mom sent money via snail mail cash, often rolled into a sock
Anonymous, Class of 2011 The day I arrived at Kenyon the sky was a brilliant azure color, not one cloud hung in sight. The campus wasnt full yet because I was one of the Pre- O service kids and we arrived a week before freshman orientation. My roommate had already settled into the dorm roomshe arrived a week earlier than I did for the Writing and Thinking program. She wasnt in the room when I first opened the door. Looking back I wish that she was there, so I didnt have to face the stark, empty side of the room, my side, by myself. I had two suitcases filled with stuff, it didnt take me long to unpack. Once I put everything away, my side remained stark. I only brought the essentials, nothing that made the room look like home. I remember after everything was there looking out of large Norton bedroom at the perfect green lawn, and the beautiful blue sky and crying. No, it was more like wailing. This was the first time I showed any sign of homesickness or remorse. When I was at home I made a point not to let my parents know that I was sad or going to miss them, because they were so opposed to me going away to college. I had to be happy about going away to college at all times, or they would think I wouldnt want to and I was afraid wouldnt let me go anymore. This idea may seem strange to some people, but my parents hadnt gone to college themselves, so they had absolutely no idea what they were letting their first born daughter get into. I was also the only person in my large first generation college student family to go away for college. Once I was done wailing, the first thing that I did was go out in search of food. I went

I realized diversity was an issue

I realized that diversity was an issue when I was sitting at a table of all black people. As a white person, I felt like I was the minority. I didn't get half the references that were being spoken about. I wished I had seen or heard what was being discussed so I could chime in. It was then that I realized what it must feel like to be a black

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to the deli and got one of their extra large chocolate chip cookies. Then I walked around campus, and was asked a question that I was never asked before in my life: are you an international student? Being from NYC, I was a bit thrown off. I was even more thrown off as I was asked the same questions three times in a row by three different people. This is not an exaggeration. So why do you think someone would ask me that? And how do you think I would feel? To be honest I was just very perplexed. There wasnt any resentment or over analyzing or anything. I was just downright surprised that someone would question whether or not I was from the US. I entered the college world very aware of race and the lack of minorities within higher academia. I was also very aware of the self-segregation of minorities that happens within private liberal art schools. I was determined not to be one of the students that were so concerned about race. It didnt bother me that I was the only student of color in my English class. Really, it didnt. There are so many wonderful, open, like-minded people at Kenyon that I had a lot in common with. However, when it came to grappling with socio-economic difference, thats something I was completely unprepared to deal with. Growing up in a poor community in the Bronx, I had no sense of what it meant to be middle class. My freshman year at Kenyon I didnt have a bank account, or credit card, a working phone, or a laptop. My parents struggled to pay the three hundred dollar deposits every semester. Anytime I needed money, my mom would send me money via snail mail. And it wouldnt be in the form of a check either; it would be cash, often rolled into a sock. Im not trying to be negative or self-pitying or anything. I love Kenyon. I love my professors and the friends Ive made there. I just want to let everyone know how startlingly different my experience there was from the majority of people. I think that a lot more should be done to bridge the economic and racial disparity at Kenyon. I would have certainly appreciated some kind of crash course in managing your finances, and knowing how much money I had to have, or some kind of extra loan to buy essentials like a laptop. But I really dont know how this all can be done. Let me know when you figure out a solution.

My experience of socioeconomic difference

I identify as a black female from a working class background, and that identity has really affected how I see the world and Kenyon's campus. I'm still not 100% sure what qualifies as working class, but based on the people I am around at Kenyon and who I went to school with at Shaker Heights High School, a noted suburban school, I realize my background is not as privileged as others in many ways. I do acknowledge many of my privileges. The support and ability I've had to get to Kenyon has been a blessing, and now I am about to graduate. I've been told going to college makes you go up the class ladder; something I understand because I now know how to relate to people whose families have had the privilege of a college education and some degree of affluence through the generations. My parents were first generation college students. My grandmother said she wanted to go to college, but she did not have the resources, being a black woman in rural Alabama. My parents, who spent most of their childhood in inner city Cleveland, had more resources available to them than their parents, so they each attended a university in Ohio. Still, they were not provided with the resources to make it through school, and did not graduate. They were not given much information about the financial aid available to them. They were not connected with people who could encourage them and give them advice on how to make it through college. My father did not even know liberal arts institutions existed, a place he believes he would have thrived at. Now I am at Kenyon. I grew up knowing it was possible to get to college because my parents did for some time. I grew up in Cleveland, but my last couple years of high school my parents moved to Shaker Heights, a Cleveland suburb, so I attended the high school there. My parents wanted a better education system than what Cleveland Public was providing. At Shaker Heights High School I had counselors and teachers who recommended colleges and scholarships to me. They pushed me to put in the effort to try for schools even outside my reach, to embrace new experiences, and to think critically. It was at the insistence of my guidance counselor that I looked into Kenyon College. I'm so glad I did. At Kenyon I have had a very valuable learning experience, and I believe the most valuable lessons learned had to do less with academics and more with social things. Freshman year at Kenyon I experienced culture shock. Part of it was being a black person on a predominantly white campus. Although I was used to being in school with people of different races in my high school years, I always followed my days at school with the comfort of going home to the norm of my family; my black family. Feeling out of place never got to an overwhelming part because I had could go home to something familiar. But I lived at Kenyon; it was my new home. Walking around campus, I sometimes wonder if someone is looking at me a certain way or interacting with me a certain way in response to me being black. I think it's a valid thought to wonder because some people are not used to being around people of color. I think I have gotten looks, especially when I started wearing an Afro, and my concern is what is going on in that persons head. How do you perceive me, and how is your perception going to affect our interaction? My socioeconomic background is less salient than the color of my skin and the texture of my hair, and yet it still has left me confused how to relate with others. A high school teacher I used to keep in touch with freshman year suggested that the culture shock I thought I was experiencing because I was black actually had more to do with me being of a different class. I came to agree. I was very used to being around peers who joked about how they didn't have enough money to do such and such. I heard people talk nonchalantly about their vacations to exotic places. I was asked if I was doing something over break as if I wasn't going to be just sitting at home if front of the TV, as if I had an exotic vacation planned, too. I had to quickly learn new idioms, new vocabulary, and new

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mannerisms that I did not use at home. Class is a culture thing and I had to learn how to code-switch. At home I would talk and behave a certain way, and at Kenyon a different way. These past four years have been a lesson on how to find the identity in the midst of these things that was consistent. At school I learned that not everyone was on financial aid, scurrying to fill out the FAFSA and the Profile each year. Certain things people took for granted I could not. So much of the college search and application process for admission and financial aid is online. My family did not have a computer at home, so I had to spend so much time on a computer at the public library or at school. It was difficult to do all the college searches and fill out the applications because public computer use was timed to allow others patrons to use it. I had to apply to have applications fees waived. I was fortunate to win a contest that gave me enough money for college that I could buy a Macbook to use. And I've been protective of my Macbook. If it breaks, there is not an easy trip to buy a new one. In my mind certain things are expensive that others do not blink an eye at. That is my reality, and it has frustrated me many times that some people are not conscious of that difference. I know what a contrast there can be when answering people who ask: What do your parent do for a living? and Where did your parents go to school? I wish there was a greater awareness and sensitivity to that among students, especially in how students relate to the staff who work at Kenyon and the people who live in Mount Vernon. I don't know how there could be more discussions about class at Kenyon to make people more respectful of the differences between us. Class is such a sensitive subject. But I would like for it to be more than a passing thought among people who take an affluent norm for granted. Contrary to assumptions, not all Kenyon students can afford Kenyon. Whether or not we all are affluent is no indication of what we deserve out of life. I think Kenyon would be a better place if there was more of an openness towards class difference.

Aside from this individuals ignorance, the silence regarding the entry in class was astounding. Its not simply a matter of one persons stupid remark. The student who compiled the book rewrote the entry; other classmates and the Professor read it, and yet no one even mentioned it. I brought it up with a friend in class who shrugged and said, Yeah I guess that is wrong and then asked me about an upcoming deadline. The silence made me feel like the only person who realized how offensive that statement was. I wanted someone else to recognize it as degrading, making me feel like an exotic sexual object any time a mans gaze lingers on my face or body, causing me to hate walking through upper Dempsey and thinking that any male who glances at me is only doing so because of my race, because my brown skin and black hair set me apart on this campus, because Im so exotic, some kind of wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman, something to be explored and then tossed away because at the end of the day, the savage outweighs the superb. I wanted someone besides myself and my friends to acknowledge how dehumanizing that statement was. I wanted to have a conversation about that attitude and how it is the reason why I can never have a random hook-up with a white male on this campus. Im not assuming all white men are racist. I know not all white men see women of color in that way. I fear someone Im randomly hooking up with sees me as wild-eyed and magnificent or an item to cross off of a bucket list. I tried hooking up. He was a gorgeous (white) upperclassman, and I was a first-year astounded that he started flirting with me, asking me if I wanted to go talk somewhere quieter. A few nights later it was over. I had learned his ex-girlfriend was Asian and the girl that came after me was Latina. Coincidence? Kenyons student body is 17% students of color with an even smaller percentage of women of color. It would be extremely difficult to randomly develop such a dating history. I figured you were Indian or something like that, he had told me the first night we met. That shouldve been my cue to run. Instead, I stuck around, ecstatic that such a gorgeous senior was into me, but after seeing who came after and realizing it was just a matter of skin tone and hair color and certain features, that quickly changed. It wasnt the same way I viewed him. He wasnt into me just because he found me attractive; he thought I was attractive because of my race. It may seem like a subtle difference, but if your race ever comes to define you, it escapes your control. I cant decide to wake up one morning and look like everyone else. I can try to blend in -- dress a certain way, dye my hair a light color, but it wont work because Im not white; Im really easy to spot in Peirce, Im exotic, Im savage. He made me feel like an erotic object that exists solely for white mens entertainment; perceived no differently than a beautiful savage in colonial Africa.

Exotic
There is a lack of dialogue about diversity issues on this campus. As a student of color from a working-class family background, there are times when I feel like an Other because of when instances of discrimination, racism, classism, or sheer ignorance go unnoticed and are not discussed, as if this silence was a form of tacit acceptance. The fact that I notice how problematic such remarks are sets me apart; unless, that is, Im with friends who recognize whats wrong with things we often see and hear. Here are a few examples. In my book arts class, for a project, someone compiled her friends bucket lists and added illustrations and names. On the list of a male friend was hook up with a black girl. The quote reminded me of Joseph Conrads description of a native woman in the Belgian Congo in Heart of Darkness: And from right to left along the lighted shore moved a wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman. . . She was savage and superb, wild -eyed and magnificent; there was something ominous and stately in her deliberate progress. Like Conrad, this individual depicted black girls as sexual objects he was keen to explore. Even if the list hadnt been taken seriously, the attempt to present such a comment as humorous reveals the authors ignorance of its racist, imperialist, sexist, and oppressive connotations.

Another kind of man

Charles Martin Meins

One day back in October 2011, I sat down in the counseling center, knowing and dreading the fact that I was about to burst into tears. I explained this to my counselor, detailing this as a fear response, before I confided that I wasnt genderqueer as Id thought I was transgender. I sat there, a boy-faced senior with his hands clasped around a Styrofoam cup of tea,

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shaking in my sweatshirt and carpenter jeans, but I said it all the same. Im trans. Im transgender. I said this to my tea, to the wall, and only then did I risk looking at my counselor. Im sorry she said (or something along those lines). Something full of compassion and concern, but also confusion. I dont know what that means. I mean, Im a guy, I said. I mean, Im biologically female, but Im a dude. Im transgender. Im F-to-M. For someone who had no idea what I was talking about, she recovered well. She began to ask questions and I did what I could to answer them. I thought I was genderqueer, I explained. When youre not quite male or female, sort of, thats genderqueer. But last year, I studied abroad. University of Exeter. I pointed at my sweatshirt, the blue font on the grey proudly proclaiming this fact. A transman came to talk to us at the LGBTQ table. I didnt know that could happen. I mean, I knew about men who were actually women, but I didnt know it could work the other way. But it can, so Im a guy, and I dont know what to do. I told her about how people would assume I was the boyfriend of my former roommates one day, and then tell me I was much too pretty to be a Charley the next day. I mentioned that after being told I looked like a girl when I smiled, I consciously stopped smiling for over a week. I brought up that time over Parents Weekend when a mother came into a library restroom while I was at the sink, ran out of the bathroom, checked the door, and then walked extremely quickly to the stall. I added that Id stopped using all bathrooms beyond empty or single-stall ones. More information, we decided, would be the first course of action. More info for the both of us. That week, I returned to the internet, scoured it for books and articles, and proceeded to check everything relevant out of the library at once. If it wasnt there, I ordered it. Going to the checkout counter was terrifying. I was dressed with my most masculine clothing and holding about seven books, all boldly announcing my inordinate interest in transgender and transsexual individuals. I handed over my Kenyon ID upside-down, the only means I had of hiding my birth name and the photo of me with long hair. The girl behind the counter scanned the books one by one and asked, Are they helpful? Excuse me? Are they helpful? The books.

I think its really interesting, she said. You get to pick a new name and everything, right? My heart froze and I said, Yes. Which one are you? she asked, all curiosity. FTM, I let out in a rush, and I was smiling. She couldnt tell. She actually couldnt tell, and she wasnt assuming anything. Female-to-Male, Im a transman. It was the first time I ever picked the word out of a swath of trans* terms to describe myself. Transman. Thats me. Oh, cool, she said and handed me my books. I left in a state of euphoria. I walked tall the entire day. I wish it had lasted. Because, really, theres nothing quite like emailing four people just to determine who can tell you where you can use the restroom. No one in this chain of command actually knew. As it turns out, I was Kenyons first transman to ask this question. After days of waiting on top of weeks of rearranging my schedule to use only intersex bathrooms I got my meeting. There, I was promptly informed there was no policy, but I was welcome to use whatever bathroom I was most comfortable in. There was almost a sense of surprise present that I hadnt known this on my own, that I hadnt simply recognized how accepting and progressive Kenyon was and proceeded from there. Obviously, there would be absolutely no problems, never mind all of my fears. Its possible this belief was at least partially grounded in my appearance. At the time, my gender presentation was almost excessively male. Really, it still is. This is fully intentional, always fully intentional. My hair was very short, almost military style, my ever-present jeans remained themselves, and I wore a grey-blue button-down shirt over a Captain America t-shirt. When I asked at the end of the meeting, it was confirmed that I looked like a cis guy, also known as a man who had been assigned male at birth. I realize that this is the third time in this narrative Ive referred to the exact outfit I was wearing months ago. You see, any time I know Im about to have a significant social interaction, I plan my wardrobe ahead of time, changing clothes and doing laundry if necessary. Sometimes, I do this days in advance. Then, during the interaction, I am hyper-aware of every motion, every lift in my unbroken voice, every shift of fabric over my chest, the way I cross my legs, the way I rest my hands, and a multitude of other gender markers. Depending on the interaction, I may be pumped full of adrenaline, ready to defend my identity against confusion. Theres nothing like fear and adrenaline to pound in a memory, I can promise you that.

Um, yes? Theyre- theyre interesting.

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What am I afraid of? Im afraid of being treated as someone I am not. Im afraid someone will tell me that my identity is not valid, that someone will think less of me as a man for having been raised as a girl. I am afraid that I will be misgendered and socially forced into a category where I do not belong and where I cannot live. Misgendering occurs when an individual assumes they know the gender of another individual and refers to them by the incorrect pronouns or set of nouns. There are many clues we give others to show them what our genders are. One of the biggest can be your name. Names are important. Maybe its the English major in me, maybe its the incredible change that my life finally, finally underwent when I learned what the word transgender meant -- but words have so much power. A word that is who you are is the most powerful word of all. A word that isnt you, but that is forced upon you, is such a hateful thing. So, when I went to ask about where I was allowed to pee, as a toddler asks its parent, I asked if my name could be changed on the Kenyon email directory. Its just that, every time I send an email, I can sign Charley, but thats not the name that they refer to me as. It was so often Dear Birth name, regardless of how I referred to myself in emails or even face-to-face communication. Plus, anytime someone types in my email address, the wrong name pops up. Every email sent to all the students of a class Im in? Tells everyone what my birth name is. We cant change that, not unless you legally change your name. Are you sure? Yes. I changed my name. Come spring semester, I presented my change of name documentation to the Registrars Office on the first day back from winter break. I endured roll call for two of my classes, correcting the female name on the list to my actual name, Charles. The second time, crowded into Philo with a hundred other students, my classmates laughed: How funny! That guy just got called a girl! That must be one hell of a mistake with the registrar. God, and hes a senior, too! Hilarious. That was on January 16 . Following this, I had to track down separate people to change the name of my email account as well as the name the school computers greeted me with when I logged on. It took about two weeks, but then, I thought, that would be that. I had my new Kenyon ID. This time when I checked out a library book, I could finally hand over my card face-side up.
th

When I went to the Alumni Dinner, there was a name tag properly spelled out and no one looked at me askance in my borrowed suit and fathers tie. For every moment like that, theres an instance where my CA wasnt updated on my name and the sign on my door advertises that a girl lives behind it. Theres an invitation addressed to a girl who I am not. Theres the moment of complete and utter exposure when, sitting down on March 24th to take the comprehensive exam for my major, the proctor asks the room where a girl with my last name is. Ten weeks after presenting my change of name documentation, I had to inform the morning proctor as well as the afternoon proctor that I was not a girl. I had to do this in front of approximately thirty of my peers and I had to do it immediately proceeding both halves of the most important exam of my Kenyon career. And yet, somehow, for every moment where I am thrown into the open against my will, theres been something amazing. Theres been Professor ONeil going out of her way to explain the difference between gender and sex as we explored representations of masculinity in medieval literature. Theres been Professor Reinerts sincere cry of Congratulations! when I told him I was officially switching pronouns after Thanksgiving break. Theres been Professor Mankoffs patient advice and encouragement. Ill certainly never forget Professor McAdams round of For Hes a Jolly Good Fellow as she presented me with my coming out cake. Theres been the AVI staff, not blinking an eye as we continue to exchange greetings throughout my transition. Most of all, there have been my friends. For those of us who hadnt selected a gender studies class, wed not had anyone to teach us, and so did not know that we could really use a gender study class. As I educated myself, I often had to explain things to my friends. Even when confusion abounded, their support was and continues to be unwavering. They defend my pronouns. They correct acquaintances. They loan me belts and ties for formal occasions. And if you asked me what I wear when I hang out with them, I could tell you that I have absolutely no idea. Its taken a legal name change, countless emails, and more than a few moments of exposure and fear, but in May of 2012, I am going to graduate from Kenyon College as Charles Martin Meins, the rarest of a rare breed: not just a male English major, but a transmale English major. I am a Kenyon first, and where the administration has fumbled with me, I know theyll make progress with others. Thats the point of Kenyon, after all: we learn.

Must be the recession

Jenny Colmenero

One of the reasons that Im so thankful for being able to attend Kenyon is that it has allowed me to develop a consciousness of diversity and difference in a way that I couldnt have done at any other school. I believe that this is because of the brilliant education Ive received from my classes, professors, and friends. However, I also believe that this is because Kenyon has a lot of ignorant people. Developing consciousness can occur through a careful and slow process of self-reflection and illumination -or you can be smacked in the face with ignorance so many times that you

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just cant help but wake up. One of those wake up moments came at the end of my first year at Kenyon during a friendly conversation with an acquaintance about our respective summer plans. We discussed the usual hopes and dreams of summer (mall! home cooking! making a bonfire out of our homework planners!), as well as the less-wondrous reality checks. I mentioned offhand that Id be working yet another summer at my favorite local fast food joint, trying to save up money for plane tickets. The response I got confused me. Wow, I cant picture you working at a place like that. Must be the recession, huh? Well, we all have to settle sometimes. I didnt respond. Suddenly explaining that I only had the job because my father already worked there in the bakery didnt seem like such a good idea. Its not that this one comment wounded me too terribly. But its the aggregate -- the looks of pity when I answer that now-dreaded question So what do your parents do?, the overly-enthusiastic praise I get for moving up and out of my community to make it at a school so far from home, the inability to articulate that Im not settling, my dads not settling, were working class and this is the sort of work that working-class people do -- thats what hurts. The fact is: Im not that special. Most people in the U.S. come from my background: the working class, the non-college-grads, even the non-high-school grads. It often seems to me that the Kenyon bubble has been with Kenyon students since long before they first climbed the Hill; they see the people mowing their lawns, cleaning their kitchens, and serving their food day after day without having any idea as to how those people actually live. Im proud of the work that Ive done, and Im proud of the work that my parents do. But Kenyon does not have a community that allows me to express that pride.

A white boy liked soul, but soul was black. He said he liked gospel. A white boy liked gospel, but gospel was black. I couldnt help but be shocked. Jon couldnt possibly know anything about the music that my mom plays daily -- twenty-four seven -- when shes cooking or cleaning, driving, or just breathing. He couldnt know about that -- but he did, and when he started naming names and talking about the styles that he loved I was seeing color change. It wasnt until he said Sam Cooke that I was really stunned. Some black people forget that Sam Cooke was gospel, forgot the heart wrenching howl when he sang about the woman plagued by blood throwing herself at Jesus feet -- but Jon knew. I was sitting there pretty much fascinated because this white boy knew who Sam Cooke was. Right then the lines of race, of black and white, blurred for me. Something I believed to be exclusively black had no real color at all. I learned a life lesson during my first week of college at Kenyon. There isnt black and white. There is culture and there are people and you can be influenced by anything. I think if Kenyon wasnt the place that it was -- a place that brings together all different types of people from all walks of life -- I would have learned that life lesson much later after many false assumptions and a few too many ignorant comments.

Racist story
During my first year at Kenyon, I had a very uncomfortable experience that made me doubt whether I was at the right school or not because of how different I was from everyone else culturally. I had never really experienced blatant acts of racism, but I had always been a supporter of anti-discrimination groups because I have always been aware that discrimination exists. One day I was sitting in the library doing homework in one of the cubicles by the entrance door and two white females were sitting across from me. They couldn't see me, so I assume that they didn't know I was there because I was studying very quietly by myself. They were having a normal conversation until one of them said something that made me really angry and sad at the same time. Earlier in the week there had been an email from the CDO about an organization that was hiring college students for summer internships, and they encouraged bilingual students and multicultural students to apply because of the population that the organization worked with. One of the girls read part of this email aloud in a very sarcastic tone. I overheard her telling her friend that she thought it was unfair and stupid for the CDO to specifically focus their attention on multicultural students because we didn't deserve it and we were taking opportunities from "them" ( I assume she meant white students). It was extremely hurtful because she obviously thought that the race of a person dictates what they deserve in life, which would mean that she believed that she was actually

Jon and Sam

During my first week at Kenyon, I met Jon. Jon didnt have a facebook. He wore skinny jeans and a watch and always had a look on his face like he was in pain. I was so afraid of college that I did what I never do. I judged him. I judged him by his tight jeans, his slouch, his shy walk, and the way he positioned his hand when he talked. He was just another white boy to me, just another white boy with white principles, and white money. White thoughts. White interests. White dreams. I assumed everything about him was white. Whatever that means. Five days went past and I hadnt spoken directly to Jon, but I figured that I knew him. That was Jon and he was as white as his name.

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superior to me and to other students of color. Also, she was lying, because the CDO does not specifically target multicultural students; they are there to help anyone that comes. In fact, I would argue the exact opposite; it is harder to find internships for multicultural students because of negative stereotypes. I was so angry; I stood up to go to the bathroom and also to let them know that I -- a student of color -- was there. As soon as the girls saw me they looked shocked (probably because I am obviously not white), and when I came back from the bathroom, they were gone.

scholars and activists since the 1970s. These comments were particularly biting because they seemingly undercut so much of my personal activism at Kenyon. Through various activities I am involved in at Kenyon, I have helped to organize and co -sponsor over 40 events that aim to educate the campus and greater community about the Middle East and broader Islamic world. I have studied Arabic at Kenyon for the last two years, will be traveling in the Middle East this summer, and have taken 6 (nonlanguage) classes that are directly related the Islamicate world. I have also spent the last 10 months interning and volunteering for Arab American advocacy groups whose missions include fighting exactly these stereotypes. In light of my advocacy work and academic foci, these comments were all the more hurtful. This person made me feel as though all the hours that Id spent educating myself and working to raise awareness on campus has had little impact on shifting opinions and fighting stereotypes. This person is in the same year at Kenyon as me. If he had attended just one of the events Ive worked to organize, would he have a different opinion? If all of my advocacy and organizing havent been enough to get through to him, what can? I am proud that Kenyon has made its dedication to the study of the Islamicate world apparent through its blossoming programs in Arabic and Islamic Civilization and Cultures. But if the thoughtful study of the region can be reduced to a horrific Team America Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad meme by insensitive students, how can heritage or international students, or any compassionate global citizen for that matter, feel safe, comfortable, and encouraged in that inquiry? To that student, I offer you a sincere invitation to any one of the events I plan on this campus. You, in fact, are my ideal attendee. College students are frequently told that college is a time to expand our horizons, interact with people from different backgrounds, and to explore new ideas. You could learn that Arab scholars discovered the Copernican revolution hundreds of years before their Western counterparts. Or about the structure and metaphor in the poetry of Rumi. Or discuss first-hand with students who have studied abroad about what it is like to live in the Middle East. Or hear a foremost policy expert speak on the nuances of the Iranian-American political relationship. Or learn how to write Arabic calligraphy. You could engage with a range of traditions and lived experiences of diverse cultures for yourself, without preformed judgments. I would love to have you join us.

Love
Once I was asked if the guy I liked was white. I was surprised by my answer: No, he is not. Why did I say that, knowing that he is, in fact, white? I couldnt stop wondering why I would neglect his race. Why would I try to pretend he was one of us? I guess I put barriers to the people I could be attracted to in terms of race. But it was not only that- what if the person who asked me that question was white? Would a white person even dare to ask me the race of the person I was attracted to? I doubt it. So, what if the person I like is white and I am not? What if he is upper-middle class and I am not? What if we both have opposite lives? Would anybody care and why? I leave my questions unanswered, not because I lack the answers but because I refuse to believe that even love is racialized.

Dont judge a book by its cover

A typical Peirce scene at lunchtime: peers sitting at a round table in Upper Dempsey, laughing and chatting, swapping gossip and catching up on class reading over pesto pasta and Burger Blowout. I sit hunched over my intro Arabic textbook, muttering vocabulary and scribbling verb conjugations as a I cram for my 2 p.m. chapter test. A friend of a friend, seated across from me, glances over and asks, Why are you studying terrorist language? I look up, stunned, searching his face for what I hoped was deep irony or sarcasm. He grabs the book and starts rifling through. Wheres the word for bomb? Jihad? Death to America? Arent those the only words youd need to know to understand those people? he asks. His friends laugh. I am speechless. I would hope that I should not have to detail why and how deeply offensive and problematic these (perhaps jokingly made) questions are. Beyond their grating callousness, the force with which they hit me cannot be underestimated. Its not just that Im of Arab descent. Coming of age in a post 9-11 era has virtually desensitized me to the endless stream of stereotypes and conflations directed by the media and broader public towards people of Middle Eastern -- and especially of Muslim -- heritage. The legacy of that stereotyping has been well documented by

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We would love to have you join us. Were so happy to share this collection of narratives with you, and we hope that the stories of our community will spark further dialogue all over this campus. Were also happy to say that this isnt the end; the Project for Open Voices will be continuing next year (and hopefully beyond). The future for us includes -- but is not limited to -continuing to provide a space for discussion about issues of diversity and social justice, as well as providing a forum for students to continue to express how they believe Kenyon is doing in terms of diversity and difference. The conversation doesnt end here -- in fact, its just beginning. We hope to release more issues -- but in order to do so, we need to keep hearing from you. If you would like to send us your comments, questions, or your own reflections on diversity and difference at Kenyon College, you can send it to us via our email account at openvoicessubmissions@gmail.com. If you would like to remain anonymous, you can send us your response by signing into our email account: projectforopenvoices@gmail.com (password: kenyoncollege). Need some help getting started? Here are our prompts: - How do you identify (race, gender identity, socioeconomic status, religion, ability, sexual orientation, citizenship status)? - In what ways do these different aspects of your identity interact with your experience at Kenyon? - What was your first or most salient experience of difference at Kenyon? - What has been your most recent experience of difference at Kenyon? - How do you think Kenyon is addressing issues pertaining to diversity? Whats working? What could be improved? - Rank the identifiers in order of importance to you today. Have those rankings changed since you arrived at Kenyon? -If you are a member of or affiliated with a student organization on campus that discusses issues concerning difference, what is your experience leaving that space and entering the rest of the Kenyon community? Does one space feel safer? We cant wait to hear from you! Love, P.O.V.

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For the publication layout: Rebecca Ogus Rebecca Chowdhury Jenny Colmenero For creating the artwork: Anabel Yahuitl Garcia Sandy Stibitz For our Facebook page and Tumblr: Jenny Colmenero For their support: The Diversity Advisory Council Professor Clara Rman Odio Professor Reginald Sanders Professor Jen Schoenfeld

For their commitment to the cause: Qossay Alsattari Ellen Blanchard Angela Bryan-Brown Karina Cruz Sydney Fishman Kat Goodwin Brittany Grabel Sean Grant Sarai Martinez Brett Miller Jacky Neri Chris Philpot Hannah Port Dan Rasch Ben Salk Faith Servant McKinley Sherrod Syeda Showkat Molly Silverstein Olivia Sison Nosiku Siyumbwa Gregory Stark Sandy Stibitz Tee Tsetsendelger Tess Waggoner Chris Wright

For founding POV: Rebecca Chowdhury Andrew Firestone

facebook.com/ProjectOpenVoices projectopenvoices.tumblr.com

We would like to thank everyone who submitted a narrative and made this publication possible.

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