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Jon McDowell

JonMcDowellNI

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UDA unleash their latest weapon on the path to peace: Gandhi

But the skeletons still remain in the closet An irreverent review on the UPRG Remembrance Day statement 12 November 2012, Somewhere, England (possibly) I remember Saturday November 10, 2007 very well, which is amazing, considered that I had drank my own weight in Harp Lager that day. I remember it more for the fact that the following day I was about to be unmasked in The Sunday Life as a Special Branch agent for the PSNI. I also remember Saturday November 10, 2007 as the time I met a Mr J McDonald and his verygoodfriendandpoliticaladviser Mr Gallagher (Frankie from Belfast, not Frank from Shameless) in the lobby bar of the Europa Hotel. The meeting had been set up by reporter Stephen Breen, and the pretext of said meeting was that Jackie wanted me to switch allegiances from the bad UDA in South East Antrim to the good UDA in, well, the rest of the known world if you believed the hype back then. Having balls of steel, I decided to tell him what was going to be published the following day, and the rest, shall we say, is history. I then had a drink with him in the South Belfast Club afterwards, and he dropped me off at my hotel. Balls of steel or just plain mad? Must have been the Harp. Anyway, on the way back Jackie was very honest and said he didnt think that the UDA would be able to accept me switching allegiances as I had worked for the Branch. And life moved on. Now, lets fast forward to today. Or actually yesterday, as I started writing this on Monday. I had decided to watch the UPRG remembrance Sunday speech in person on the Sandy Row. Because I was uncertain about my personal security, I decided to blend in and present myself as just another member of the UPRG / UDA. I borrowed my dead Grandfathers funeral suit (he wont need it), pierced my ears, put my best trainers on, and drank a half bottle of vodka at 8am. Splash on a bottle of Brut, and I was on my way. Except that last paragraph was a complete lie. I was actually sitting in my slippers in my considerably cold living room drinking a cup-a-soup. And I was definitely nowhere near Belfast. But nonetheless, I waited with eagerness at the release of this finely worded speech, wondering if today, 5 years after the formal Closing Down Sale of the UFF, would I hear the

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Jon McDowell

JonMcDowellNI

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words We forgive all those who may have been considered enemies of the UDA, its an amnesty, not a travesty, cmon back home lads. My suitcase was open and ready to be packed. I waited. And waited a bit more. And then it was online. A flurry of excitement and anticipation drowned me and made my palms very sweaty. I was about to have an asthma attack and I wasnt even asthmatic. So here we go The speech was read out by a man called Paul Clissold. Paul was General Secretary of South Belfast UPRG. Not just any Secretary, but General Secretary. This man pulled the strings. He knew the movers and the shakers. I liked him already. Now Paul, impress me. Ive already packed my pants. I am always amazed that anything political in Northern Ireland rarely involves the spokespersons admitting they, or those they represent may have actually done something wrong. Instead, it always seems to be the rest of the worlds fault, and Paul Clissolds (General Secretary) opening paragraph cemented that opinion. Paul Clissold (General Secretary, dont ya know) talked about External Pressures (generally referred to as the rule of law and order and governance by those who posses an electoral mandate and not an RSA in typing, which is what I expect a lot of General Secretaries would posses), also the Hostile Media (think Jim McDowell in a Vampire outfit). What concerns me is that if the media is genuinely hostile and publishing untruths, then why arent those implicated not calling up their Solicitor or General Secretary for legal advice? Confusing. Nonetheless, I was sure of more positive comments ahead, and I packed my socks. And then I almost choked on my Cup-a-Soup. I am warning you now, reading speeches by groups with an allegiance to paramilitary (or former, your honour) organisations whilst drinking piping hot broth is a bad idea. At best, you could end up with a burnt tongue. At worst, you could choke on a crouton and die. And thats just wrong. How could my mother ever keep a straight face when telling people that her first-born died as a result of paramilitary activity when the activity was actually a soup-related incident? Oh, the shame.

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Jon McDowell

JonMcDowellNI

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The reason for my choking was a build up of positive vibes that I was hearing from Paul Clissold (General Secretary): We have endeavoured to embrace the new political dispensation that we find ourselves in Clothes packed. In a democratic country the ability to vote and to influence change is a gift that all people should avail of and we call on all colleagues and supporters to pledge to use their votes to maximum effect. Democratic? Im having palpitations. Influencing change? Better pack some summer gear. I can see myself standing in Jackie McDonalds back garden next year, having a BBQ, Paul Clissold (General Secretary) serving up a democratic salad whilst Jackie influences change by persuading vegetarians to eat some steak sausages. And no, thats not a euphemism. And if I thought things couldnt get any better, Paul Clissold (General Secretary), then used the D word TWICE in his next sentence: The precious gift of democracy, a democracy that cost so many people their lives in the two world wars is embodied in this quote by: This was getting more exciting than the X Factor final! Who was he going to quote? Sir Edward Carson? Col. Tim Collins? Even Big Ian? Surely it was going to be someone we could all find a common bond with, someone with strong Unionist ideals, who would advocate a good, solid, British Northern Ireland Mahatma Gandhi. The cup-a-soup has officially gone down the wrong way and there was now a crouton lodged in my nostril. I am sure that anyone reading this blog knows who Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, or Mahatma to his friends, is. But Mr Ghandi doesnt exactly remind me of a pro-Union, advocating of the - odd murder or a few hundred -innocent people type of guy. Indeed, as the leader of the Indian Nationalist movement against British Rule who preached a Doctrine of non-violence, it may have been more appropriate to get a quote from Martin McGuiness on this bright, but chilly autumnal day. Even Hitler. He wanted to unify the world, although in a very, very bad way.

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Jon McDowell

JonMcDowellNI

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Nonetheless, I realised that Northern Ireland had moved on since I had left 5 years ago (apart from the odd trip back, but I dont like to talk about that). So I packed some flip flops and stitched a white blanket into a fitting robe. I was almost ready to book the flights when I wondered how Ghandi would view his words of peace being used in a speech by Paul Clissold (General Secretary), who represents a grouping that represents another grouping who were not very nice people sometimes. So I decided to do what all good wonderers do and typed Ghandi Quotes into Google. And I found a few more appropriate quotes from the UDAs new spiritual leader: An eye for an eye only ends up making the world blind I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people And then Google reminded me that Ghandi developed Satyagraha which translates as devotion / insistence to truth. Were we going to see a more truthful UDA, admitting its past indiscretions and see it committed to a more peaceful future? Google again: Ghandi and his followers offered water, fruit, flowers and incense to God. Perhaps this is the beginning of a new strategy to stop sectarian rioting in Belfast; instead of petrol bombs, bags of bananas would be thrown across the divide, causing no injury and providing a nutritious snack for the recipients. Ghandi is good for the UDA I conclude. Google does not provide advice on how to remove croutons from my nostril. So my case is packed. I could analyse the rest of the speech, but I guess a few columnists have already done that. Mentions of youth poverty and lack of a future; yet no mentions on how to tackle the drugs problems that are rife in many Loyalist (and Republican) estates. Condemnation, and rightfully so, of the horrific murder of Prison Officer David Black, yet no admission that the organisation that Paul Clissold (General Secretary) represents often issued death threats to members of the Prison Service and never officially withdrew them. I shall leave that analysis to others better qualified than I. I will even leave out the comments quoted from Charles De Gaulle, a former French President and now an Airport. Google will remind you of his Nationalistic background and more. So, there endeth a rousing speech by Paul Clissold, General Secretary, South Belfast UPRG. And here almost endeth my analysis of the aforementioned speech.

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Jon McDowell

JonMcDowellNI

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You might think that I dislike all things UPRG, when in fact I dont. Indeed, South Belfast UPRG in particular have battled against the odds and the leadership of the UPRG and UDA in that area have, it seems, been committed to moving on from the bad oul days and should be commended for slowly, but surely, trying to improve the lifestyles and livelihoods of those living in Loyalist neighbourhoods. They are not angels, and its not all good reading, but its a damn sight better than it was 10-15 years ago, even 5 years ago when I left. Maybe next year, I will read of an amnesty for former Special Branch agents. Until then, I will keep supping the cup-a-soups, and remember the wise words of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi: The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong Im off to India.

Photo: Jon McDowell, New Delhi, India, 12 November 2012.